ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 15th December 2022

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

Silly Little Poll!  Christmas Cheaters  Top 6: Veggies  NOK BOX  Ice Cream Index!  Fletch's new mouth Experience  Vaughans Bank hates Him  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Trade barista made iced coffees available now at your local McCafe. This has got to be quick, this has got to be quick. We've got to get in and out. I've got a prize giving to get to. You're off to school prize giving.

Yeah. Do they do it for little kids? Prize giving I saw some friends on Facebook or Instagram On one of the socials put up Oh it's little Julie or Timmy's Primary school graduation I was like when did we become Fucking America

You graduate once Like a leaving ceremony when you leave primary school But it doesn't need to be a graduation They wear like cloaks and stuff. It's ridiculous. It's a bit ridiculous. Does that make me sound like, I don't know, a boomer? It does make you sound like a boomer.

A party pooper? It makes you sound jealous that you didn't get a primary school graduation. Well, I know I didn't. It's pissing me off because I worked hard for a degree, and then I graduated. I just left high school and primary school and kindergarten, but I graduated from university drama school. I mean, would we say university?

Would we? It's acknowledged as one. So are your kids winning anything? August is. Oh, okay. But not Indy. But I don't even know if this is Indy's one because she's in a slightly older part of the school.

No, but she's too cool now. She's too cool for the awards. Too cool for awards. As we've seen, yeah. Great reports. Very proud. Has there been report season? There's been reports.

There's been report season. Mine were always talkative, distracting, class clown. Could try harder? No, mine was just distracted. Yeah. Potential but. Yeah, potential but. She has this indie.

She enjoys working with friends, but at times the social aspect of the task becomes a priority over the task itself. You've got a little actress on your hands there, Vornay. Oh God, I hope not. But no, great reports. Very proud. Now I've got to go to prize giving. What's wrong with going to drama and acting?

What's wrong with that? You want actress daughter? Nothing. We're a delight. We're constantly performing, constantly saying, Dad, Dad, look at me. Watch this, watch this. I'm putting on a show. I get enough of that as it is. And then when you get older it's like, Dad, come and watch my obscure solo show. Trigger warning, I will be getting

my breasts out. Don't need that. You don't invite your dad to something that you're getting your breasts out. My parents come to everything I do. Oh my god. I didn't actually warn him and he was like fuck Did you get your movies out? Yeah one show I made a solo show and there was just like a moment of nip flash

and you should have told Craig Craig wasn't prepared he hasn't seen my nipples since they were like 12 you know That's a lot to put on a father They were nearly in their 30s they have changed I always wonder what it's like for parents if like, if you're, like, you know, your kids grow up and they become an actress and they're in a movie.

And they're doing a big sex scene with, like, a big Hollywood actor. Like, would you watch that? You wouldn't. Those close-ups when they're, like, biting the nipple. And you're like, ooh, my dad's at the premiere. Dad, I'd need a warning of what minute and I'd start my stopwatch and then I'd, like, leave for a bit. I'd start my stopwatch and then I'd like leave for a bit. I'd take a long bathroom break.

Pop outside for a durry. Yeah, pop outside. I don't even smoke, but I'm like. My daughter's in there. They're all in there looking. Having simulated sex. God damn. Play Zed-In's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Va Fawn and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Good morning. I need to calm down a bit. We're on different energies, Fawn. We're on very different ends of the energy scale.

Right, you've done another COVID test. Claire Isabel, mate. Still negative. Claire Isabel. My wife did remind me my kids had exactly this thing last week. We thought they had COVID again from school, but they just had these raspy voices. And to be honest,

I'm here for the raspy voice. I'd be happy if this was my voice from here on out. It's an improvement, isn't it? There's just a slight tightness in the throat. Right, okay. But I'll give you one of these. Holy shit. Yeah, beautiful.

Absolutely beautiful. Stop it. Coming up on the show are the top six. Yeah, the top six veggies that you're probably pronouncing wrong. It's again been brought to our attention by the big Brussels sprout that we should be saying Brussels sprout. Brussels sprout. Because it is the sprout that belongs to Brussels.

Just say it quick and no one will know. Brussels sprouts. Brussels sprouts. Brussels sprouts. Brussels sprouts. Because if there's more than one, then you can pluralise it, right? Brussels. But we say Brussels sprouts. We say Brussels sprouts. Brussels sprouts, because if there's more than one, then you can pluralise it, right? Brussels. But we say Brussels sprouts.

We say Brussels sprouts. Brussels sprouts. Hayley's sprout. People have always been saying that wrong. Hayley's sprouts. It's the sprout of Hayley, so it's Hayley's sprout. Hayley's sprout. Hayley is of sprout.

Top six other vegetables you've been saying wrong. I can't believe this. Some of this list of the vegetables that we use every day that we've been saying wrong. We're going to give away some cash to a charity too soon on the show. So make sure you've downloaded the One Good Kiwi app. We could be calling you back if you've registered for that. Indeed.

They give away $100,000 a month to charity. Yeah, we could give you some cash as well to help you out this Christmas. So text 1, leave a space to charity from the app that is your chosen charity and send that to 9696 who could be calling you back very soon. I'm going to contact One Good Kiwi and see if my electrical bill could be added to the charities. No, it's not. It's not one. So not up there doing... No.

Not worthy? No. All right, fair enough. Next on the show... Let's start the show a bit sexy. I mean, we already have with bloody Vaughan vibrating the nation. Rumbly, yeah. The country spending the most time watching adult content.

And I reckon you won't pick it. Is New Zealand on the list? You've got to tune in, mate. I'm not doing any spoilers just for you. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. This comes out every year about this time, doesn't it? It does. It's one of the hub stats that exposes a lot of things.

Who's watching what? Most searched categories. What are you looking at me for? Let me out of this. Nah, we know. Yeah, we know. That's all right. I'm obviously not going to go through the categories.

No. This doesn't feel radio appropriate. Well, no, we'll keep it PG. I will say the number one category, it's not humans. It's cartoons. Oh, weird. Yeah. Is it?

Yeah. Japanese style cartoons. Right. Hentai. There you go. You can say the name. Yeah. What is that? Yeah. Japanese style cartoons. Right. Hentai. There you go. You can say the name. Yeah, that's the number one in the world. Really?

In the whole world? Yeah, but of anime sexiness. It's not real. Yeah, I know, but I guess that's the sort of lure of it. Okay. Someone has to draw that. That's what blows my mind. I know.

Someone has to draw it and then someone has to do the voices for it. Yeah. Well, you mentioned being in the voiceover. Yeah. Like studio. I've done cartoon voiceover stuff and you record it and then they animate the mouth to kind of match your speaking. It's like Toast of London where he has to dub over the German,

is it German homosexual adult content. And he used to say, Undepanzen. But it must be so weird to do the voiceover for it. Yeah, and then someone's drawing like, wild, man. Wild. A little bit more of that.

A little bit more. Okay. I bet animators couldn't watch it because they'd be like, oh, no, it's not synced up at all. Yeah. That movement wouldn't go with that. I can't watch this. It's too distracting.

There are some other stats, which is time spent per visit. The average visit, regardless of gender, around the world, nine minutes, 54 seconds. Okay. Does it break down which gender is on the most? It would be men, obviously, right? No. What?

No, not who's on the most. Right. Men. Yeah. But the women are watching for longer. Women are watching for six seconds longer. Okay. Compared to male visitors.

The average of 9 minutes 54 is down one second from last year. Well, we've been less lockdowns. Yeah, we're busy. Yeah, we're busy now. Too busy. I need that second. I need that second. But they have given a ranking of who's spending the longest time on these websites.

We're not even on the list. Oh, wow. Now, whether or not we just, we're so small, we don't count. No, because they do release like New Zealand specific. Remember, like I was at the start of this month, they released that what different areas search more than in comparison to other areas of New Zealand. So they're very well aware of our habits.

So very embarrassing for the Waikato, that one, wasn't it, when that came out? Okay, I'm counting down 10. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Okay, I'll go from 10, who is spending the longest time on Pornhub. Okay. In 10, in 10th, up

9 places this year is Italy. No, that's up. That's the change in seconds. They're spending 9 seconds longer this year than last year. Oh, be a pardon. I just found this graph too. Oh is Italy. No, that's the change in seconds. They're spending nine seconds longer this year than last year. I just found this graph too. Oh, cool. Okay, so they're spending nine seconds longer this year on the website. Just above them with a three-second gain.

Oh, no, they've had a four-second gain. Sorry, Poland. Oh, okay. Congrats. Well, very tense though. They're on the border of Ukraine. Yeah. Well, Ukraine's next.

Above them is Ukraine. Are they? They're spending nine minutes, 57 seconds. That's up four. If I was in a bunker, I'd be spending a lot more time than nine minutes. What else are you going to do? Nothing. Exactly. Didn't old mate, whose name completely escapes me.

Zelensky. No, no, no. Didn't he send them Starlink? Elon? Elon. Yeah, he did. Starlink. Everybody in Ukraine.

And they went straight to Pornhub. Same. Up from them is the United Kingdom. 10 minutes, 5 seconds, which is a 13-second increase. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Then next in sixth place is France.

They're up 11 seconds. Above them in fifthth is the Netherlands Up 15 seconds Watching time Then above them in 4th is Germany They've added almost 27 seconds, half a minute Wow, okay

Of watching time Then your top 3 They've gone down 32 seconds So they're a bit quicker But they they're still in third place, Philippines. Okay. Don't know why that'd be. Well, it's gone down. It's a very conservative country, isn't it?

Yeah. Not a country where they're still spending 11 minutes per visit. Yeah. Yeah, right, okay. With a 26-second increase from year. In second place is Japan. Oh, okay. Good for them. Automation.

Yeah. A lot of things are automated. They love the cartoons. And in first place, the country watching for the longest amount of time is Egypt. Egypt. Okay. I wonder why does Egypt... It's very hot. Just go inside with the air con.

Watch so much. Probably because. It's very hot. Just go inside with the air con. Watch so much. Probably because externally it's quite conservative. Yeah. But you, what happens, you know. In the privacy of your bedroom. Yeah. Oh, I mean, there's no real clear articles. I'd love to see like an economist take this list

and then compare it to like the growth or output of the country's productivity, you know? Probably output's not the right word. Output. No, no. Do you want the quickest country who's just like in and out? Yep. Mexico. Really?

Yeah. A lot of things to do. They're not there to stuff around. No. Is Mexico one of the sort of Spanish associated countries that has a siesta? Yeah. Like midday siesta? Yeah, you were just a quick one out, get it out of the way and get into sleep, you know?

You don't want to waste nap time. No, exactly. You've got an hour and a bit for siesta. You can't be spitting it all playing with yourself. You want a little nap. There you go. We're not even on the list of this one, but. So we should be proud of ourselves.

Should we be? Nothing wrong with watching a little bit of anime. We've had Goblin Mode. Goblin Mode? That was my favourite word of the year. What are the other ones we've had? What was the weird? Shrinkflation?

That was in the running for word of the year. Well, everyone's been releasing their word of the year. What was the one? We're Cambridge people. We're Cambridge people. We're Oxford people. We're Oxford people. Oxford people. We're Oxford dictionary people.

That goblin mode was Oxford, English dictionary's word of the year. Okay. Dictionary.com, which I think you're about to say Goblin mode, goblin mode Did everyone do goblin mode? There was another one Permacrisis Permacrisis

Permacrisis Because we're permanently in a crisis Yes Oh god Merriam-Webster was gaslighting Gaslighting, that's the one I was thinking of Let us not forget the Australian dictionary word of the year Yeah, the Macquarie dictionary word of the year.

Bachelor's handbag. I got a bachelor's handbag yesterday. Oh, how great is a bachelor's handbag? Yum, delicious. When did you eat it? At the time or later in the day? We didn't. We went to the pub. Good stuff. I got it for dinner. And then you gave up.

It was a tough day yesterday. Right. But dictionary.com have released their word of the year. And the word they've chosen is woman. Woman. I can be a woman. Woman, woman, woman.

But to me, it's got to be a word that is new? I was going to say relevant. I was like wow. Wow. Wow. Canceled. They say the decision reflects how the intersection of gender identity and language dominates the current

cultural conversation. They say the word woman is inseparable from the story of 2022. Man, I don't disagree. They're a bit bloody yappy though, aren't they? I'm kidding.

Did you see as well that so the Cambridge Dictionary, they've changed the definition of woman in the dictionary. And you can imagine the online comments. I don't want to.

You can, yeah. They've changed it to make it a little bit more inclusive. I can't remember what it used to be. A woman, I don't know,

born a woman. Now it's an adult who lives and identifies as female. Right. That's a woman. And then there's people being like, yes, change the language, change the world. And there's other people being like, you can't erase us. Those are women. Those are women saying that.

But yeah, they've changed the definition, which I think is cool. But yeah, woman is the word of the year for dictionary.com. Are we done with all the words of the year? Is that all the dictionaries? Have we released ours? Should we do a word of the year? What would be yours?

Oh, no, on the spot. I simply won't be able to. Okay, put in the. I won't be able to on the spot. Mine would be phlegm. A lot of phlegm this year. A lot of phlegm this year, and I also just love. That's because you have a lot of cheese, don't you, late in the day. Mine would be phlegm. A lot of phlegm this year. A lot of phlegm this year and I also just love...

That's because you have a lot of cheese, don't you, late in the day. I do. P-H-L-E-G-M. Phlegm. Phlegm.

Phlegm. I like it. Phlegm. That'll be mine. I don't, I've got, you know, I don't,

this is something I need to... Well, have a think about it. Have a serious think about it. Yeah, have a think about it. Maybe you can report back tomorrow. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch. Maybe you can report back tomorrow. Yeah.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Silly little pole Silly little pole It is so silly, silly, silly That silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole

Silly little pole Silly little pole Well, this Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Well, this will be our most controversial Silly Little Pole ever because you could kill someone. And it is so split. So split. One 49%, one 51%. Like, my dudes.

And it's gone the way of chaos. It's gone the controversial way. 8,283 people saw this poll. 4,470 people voted in this poll. So at 49% with 2,200 votes and the other one 2,270 votes. That's a big poll. If you get COVID

this Christmas, will you still fly? How good was that dramatic build up? It was really good. It was really good. And then the web browser I was using to look at these

has failed me. Have you got it? I've got it back. Will you cancel flights home or go anyway if you get COVID this Christmas? 49% cancel flights, stay home. 51% go anyway. The thing is, like, flights are not cheap at the moment.

No. And they're so full that you can't even change flights sometimes without them costing the same or more. Yeah, and last year we only just got let out to go to Christmas. Yes, that's correct. From lockdown. It feels like a long time ago, right? So long.

But you go home with COVID, you might feel fine, but you could kill Gran or your mum or your dad. You get on a plane with COVID and give it to the person next to you who in two days sees their Gran. And I know COVID's everywhere at the moment. Like, it is just literally everywhere. The wastewater testing they do indicate that only 40% of people are reporting their COVID.

And case numbers are in the thousands each day. Was it 9,000 yesterday? Yeah. We don't want to come across as too judgmental. We ask the question. We ask the question. And we appreciate people being honest. It's everywhere.

Yeah. It's everywhere. We're going to do these anonymously, aren't we? Yes, absolutely. Anonymous responses to this silly little poll. So will you cancel your flights or go home? Amber says... Anonymously. Oh, yeah go home? Amber says anonymously.

Oh yeah. Amber doesn't say. Jesus Christ! It's habit. It's habit. Somebody replied that they will cancel their This is not Amber. You're skipping Amber's complaint. Amber's not going to be read out. Jesus Christ! I'm going to say because

we literally have said 10 times before we did this. There's lots of Ambers. How many Ambers are there? We have said 10 times before we did this. There's lots of Ambers. Behind the scenes. How many Ambers are there? We've said 10 times. There's hundreds of Ambers. Thousands.

How many Ambers do you know? All I'll say is if you've got a family member called Amber, by the way, she's bringing COVID home. She's pro. Somebody else says, I'll cancel flights and stay home. And their comment is, this is truly terrifying.

Yeah, it is. Because I thought it would be like 80% would cancel, 20% would be like, nah, I'm going anyway. It's literally 50-50. What's the majority even by a small margin? Somebody else who's anonymous. You're doing so good. Actually, no, I'm going to say it because this is a,

there'll be no hate directed their way. Hannah says, my family is immune compromised So I wouldn't want to put them or anybody else at risk If I test positive I will be staying put Also if your family's recently had it Like I'm so glad that I got it Like five weeks ago Even though it's still some lingering effects

Because you know Then I don't have to really worry about, you know, my holidays coming up. No. But then, your mum and dad haven't had a day. No, they haven't. Holy shabola. Yeah.

But I know a lot of people's parents haven't because they live in the regions. Yeah. You know, they go out that much. My parents only got it when they went to the Gold Coast. Yeah. That's when they got it.

And they probably wouldn't have got it because they just don't. Well, they're on the farm, aren't they? Yeah. They don't see a lot of people. I think mum still masks up in the supermarket. Yeah. But yeah, how many people who have avoided

it are going to get it dragged into their house this Christmas? Melisse says, I don't want to make anyone in my family sick, so if I get it, I'll be staying put. Yeah, good. Abigail, and God, this is a good response. Look, I might just cancel plans and stay home anyway. COVID's a great excuse.

Yes. Ryan also says, isn't COVID the best excuse possible to not have to see your family this year? These people don't love their family. Okay, anonymous. Oh, okay. I have COVID right now and I feel mint as it's my husband's birthday tomorrow. And guess what? I'm going out.

So I will stay away from people or big areas. COVID right now and I feel mint as. It's my husband's birthday tomorrow and guess what? I'm going out. So, I will stay away from people or big areas. I won't be going into shops, etc. But if am I staying home? Been locked down for far too many months in the last two years. Time to get on and live our lives. If your COVID is bad, then you'll be bedridden. But if you're mint as, you'll be out. But where are they going out for their husband's

birthday? That's not going to be an area with people or, like, I'm assuming they may go out for, like, a restaurant and a bar. That's where it happens. Mmm. Goodness. Nothing is going to stop me from going home to the UK. I haven't seen my family since COVID happened. Bring on the freezing cold snowy weather, that person.

So you could be on a 24-hour flight with that person. Yeah, but what's the deal with travel insurance? If you booked your flights and got travel insurance at the same time, I think some policies do cover you. But then also, what are you going to... You're not going to get flights in another week, are you? Over Christmas, New Year. Nah, people just want to see their

family. They don't care. Everyone's just over it. It's not over us, though. No, it's not. Well, it's in us. It's in us. It is over us. It's all over us, though. No, it's not. Well, it's in us. It's in us. It is over us. It's all over us. And somebody else said, I've waited three damn years and deserve it, so I'll be going home.

Yeah. Wow. Heck, no judge. No judge. We asked the question. We are just delivering the results. So, yeah, if you're travelling this summer and this Christmas, maybe wear a mask on the plane.

Mask on the plane. If you don't want COVID, because there's a good, maybe wear a mask on the plane. Mask on the plane. If you don't want COVID, because there's a good chance there will be people on the plane. No, I reckon there's a 100% chance that someone on your plane is going to have COVID. 100%. 100%.

Oh, 100%. After these poll results. Study finds 100% chance you're going to be sitting next to someone with COVID this Christmas. Good luck. Play. 100% chance you're going to be sitting next to someone with COVID this Christmas. Good luck. It's Love Actually season. And it's a great film.

Say what you will. I think Love Actually is a very good film. Hugh Grant. Yeah, but how many times do you need to watch it? But it never gets old. A movie has to be exceptional for me to watch it again. Colin Firth learning... French.

Italian. Spanish. One of the beautiful languages of love. For a woman he barely knows, they jump in the water. It's a gorgeous moment. Hugh Grant dancing. That's my favourite Or if you really love Christmas

Bill Nighy as the pop star Oh yeah that's right So good but the one scene I reckon Everyone remembers from that film Is Emma Thompson's amazing performance In the bedroom Listening to Joni Mitchell As she discovers that her husband,

the dead Ellen Rickman, has been cheating on her. Yeah. Because she unwraps the gift. This is a beautiful scene. And everyone's like, oh my God, imagine, imagine, imagine. But we don't have to imagine

because apparently there is a massive spike in the number of people who are unfaithful over the silly season. Who even has time? Wow. The culprit, they say, and that's why it's tied to love actually, is the office Christmas party. Really?

Yeah. So a survey of lots of psychologists in the UK, lots of, do you like my factual numbers? Yeah. Many psychologists in the UK said that there's a real spike in their patients who have patients, clients, I don't know, who are dealing with infidelities and that a lot of it comes from the office Christmas party

where a lot of steam is released at the end of the year, a lot of alcohol is drunk, a lot of tensions maybe, little flirtatious things. There's never going to be anything more like that. Then you chuck a couple of drinks on board and suddenly we're in the printing room. The printing room here is just the open office though. Yeah, it'd be very hard here where we do our printing.

You'd be best to go into the mail room, I think. You'd go into the mail room? Oh, because there's bits slide. You could go down the back of one of those sliding things. There's also a really cool cupboard in the basement. Is there? Oh, the rubbish. No, not the rubbish cupboard.

Recycling. When you're going down the stairs, you know when we were walking down to our cars and you were like, what's that? And I was like, that's like this weird storage where we filmed that thing that time. We filmed in there, yeah. It's weird in there.

And there's also a cupboard in the back of the toilets downstairs. I like that you've got your top three places at work you'd have sex at. Oh no, it's the top three places that I would hide if all of a sudden the building was locked down and there were terrorists. It's where I'd hide and formulate my plan to save the company.

Right. I'd probably go, there's a little couch in Sam's recording booth. Yeah, you'd just go there. I'd probably pop in there. Or maybe where the news is done. Yeah, right. I could go where the news is. You could go where the news is.

Sully the news studio. Yeah, I know, could go where the news is. You could go where the news is done. Sully the news studio. Yeah, I know, but that would be what would make it so racy. This is why they have work Christmas parties out of the office. Yeah. There's the video suite upstairs with a thick curtain that doubles as a green screen. Oh, yeah. One could pull the curtain across. Yeah.

And you film it. One could or has? One may be has. According to the great Rumours of the building One may have Right But again At the

Office Christmas party Yeah right I think it was Oh wait Are you back on your thing Oh no carry on Oh really It was a hypothetical

Oh was it a hypothetical Yeah we're just Hypothetically Right Yeah Do you know what I would do If I was at an office Christmas party

And I was gonna Pick a lucky lad to have a Christmas? Lucky lad and write yourself. Make some Christmas mincemeat. Stuff the Christmas turkey. Someone who's ham I'd like to glaze. I'd go up to Mike Hosking's studio. Oh, yeah.

Real power play. Real power play. Get your brandy snap filled in Hosking's studio. Oh, yeah. Real power play. Real power play. Get your brandy snap filled in Hosking's studio. Absolutely. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Pop a Christmas bonbon. Yes. Oh, I was about to take it too far.

Yeah, please don't. Please don't. But, yeah, be that in mind if you've still got your Christmas party coming up. It's a problem. The other advice they give other than don't do this, don't be a dirtbag, is if you have done this, Christmas Day is not the day for confessions. Because you will forever ruin Christmas for that. Yeah, no, don't do that.

Boxing Day? Ruin Boxing Day. No, no, because I'm out shopping. Yeah, but then you'll always be able to feel the pain with shopping. With more shopping. Okay, Boxing Day. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

From the self-driving ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hello there, Brussels sprouts. Big Brussels is saying, hey guys, you've been saying the name wrong again. I just had time to remind it. It's Brussels sprouts. Yeah. I was never a fan of Brussels sprouts. Yeah.

But then I had them roasted with balsamic vinegar on them and it exploded in my mouth. Garlic? Garlic and butter? Yeah, garlic and butter. Mine's garlic, butter, bacon. Oh, yeah, bacon, bacon.

Like burn the outside bits a little bit. Yeah. Char them. You've got to char them. Yeah, so you cook them and then you take them out of the oven and you've got to char them for a bit. Also, they've changed since we were kids, eh? They've become less bitter, I think. You just don't boil them.

Yeah. True. We're slathering them in so much other stuff. Yeah. It's the way to go. We're not just boiling them until they're kind of a greyish green. Well, we've been saying it wrong. Yeah. I've got the top six. If it's time for them to put their hands're kind of a grayish green. Well, we've been saying it wrong. Yeah.

I've got the top six. If it's time for them to put their hands up, I've got the top six other vegetables we've been saying wrong. Okay. Number six on the list. It's orange, and it grows in the ground, and Bugs Bunny eats them. Carrots. Mmm.

Sarut. Sarut? Sarut. Oh, my God. I've been saying carrot. Is that the original name? Sarut. I didn't realize. It's the top six. I've just made up six things. Making up. Yeah. Oh, my God, I've been saying carrot. Is that the original name? Sarut. I didn't realise.

It's the top six. I've just made up six names. Making up. Yeah. Oh, my God. Do you know how the top six works? You've used the dictionary, haven't you? And then gone back to.

I've done. I've done hours and hours of studying. I'll be calling it carrot. I've called it carrot all my life. Yeah, but you need to change it. We've just learnt that it's wrong. Sarut. Sarut.

Sarut. Number five on the list. It's green. And it's from the Braskas family. And it grows. Sarut. Sarut. Sarut. Number five on the list. It's green and it's from the Braskas family and it grows... Broccoli. Yes. Or no.

Broke. Hule. Brokule. Brokule. Why do all of these suddenly sound sort of Turkish? I guess they do. Yeah.

Number four on the list. They're yummy. They grow on the ground. You can mash them. You can roast them. Potato guess they do. Yeah. Number four on the list. They're yummy. They grow on the ground. You can mash them. You can roast them. Potatoes. Oh. Kumita.

No, Hayley was... Oh, Hayley was right. Hayley was right. Poot. You don't want to rename the Kumita. No, I don't. Are you sure? I think I'll steer clear of that one for today.

Yes, thank you. Have a go at that. Yes, please. No, thank you. Have a go at that one. No, thank you. Why not? Why not?

Why not? I'm okay. Okay. Because most please. No, thank you. Have a go at that one. No, thank you. Why not? Why not? Why not? I'm okay. Because most people are already saying it wrong? Yeah. Kumra. Kumra. Kumra. You mean the Kumra, which is assumably, I spelt Q-U-A-M-R-A.

Kumra. Kumra. So have we been saying potato wrong? Yeah, we have been. It's potatos. Potatos. Potatos. That is like the Maori version of it. Po. Kimra. So have we been saying potato wrong? Yeah, we have been. It's potatos. Potatos. Potatos. That is like the Maori version of it.

Po. Potato. Repeat after me. Pot. Pot. Potat. Pot. Pot.

Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot.

Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot.

I want nothing to do with this. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot.

Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot. Pot.

Pot. Pot. Pot. I want nothing to do with this. When I was writing this down, that it just sounds, everyone sounds like, I'm just saying it in a silly accent.

It's not the case. Perhaps. Number three on the list of the top six vegetables we've been saying wrong. It's another name for a courgette. Zucchini. Oh, do you mean the zoo-china? Zoo-china. Zoo-china.

Oh, wow. Zoo-china. You've been living a lie. I stand corrected. Living a lie. Living a lie. It said zoo-china. Number two on the list.

They're red. They can be made into sauce Tomatoes Tomatoes You mean domatos That's just me Do you guys mean domatos Oh god Domatos

You're cancelled And number one on the list It's like the broccoli Or the brocoli That we talked about before But it's white. Cauliflower. Oh, you mean soleifloa.

Soleifloa. Sole-i-flo-a. Oh, soleifloa. Soleifloa. Wow. So we've offended the Middle East. That one's sort of a bit Samoan, I think we'll say. I do think so.

Maori people are upset. Who else have we got? Oh, that was not my intention. I was just trying to put everybody on the right path, you know. Sole flora. You try your best, you know. You try your best. And the bloody woke brigade over here.

That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. You're just having a protein shake, bruh. Bruh, I gotta have a protein shake. Wow. Fletch, Vaughn and her. What did I say? Oh my God, did I?

I wondered why Jared looked at me like that. And I was like, it's because it's Meghan Trainor. Leave that alone. Oh, right. I gotcha. We're high on cookies and cat mugs and protein shakes, which you're absolutely chugging. And I think you're flexing at me. Don't do it.

I hate it, Vaughn. I hate it. You can do that thing where you do each bicep. But he puts his hands up above his head, and he stares you in the eye. I can't do it. I had a day off the gym yesterday. Can't tell, baby.

I got there. I thought you went to the gym. No, I got there, took a massive poo, and then realised I didn't have my gym shoes. So I walked back out and the girls at the gym were like, what's happening? I was like, I forgot my shoes. See you tomorrow.

Good luck with that. That's like getting to the car park and there's no car park. I literally, I saw them tell a woman off for being in there. She was lifting with no shoes on. She was wearing socks. I was like, that's nuts. If you drop something on your foot, you're toast. It's health and safety.

It is. Health and safety. So, yeah, day off the gym today. I might get back into it. It's another thing. Well, I'm going to turn it a bit morbid now, guys. Are you? Because we should all have knock boxes.

N-O-K. Next of kin boxes. Okay. This is where you put all of your stuff if you die. What do you mean stuff? All your important stuff. Like will, bills, passport, birth certificate. Proof of identification.

Insurance. What is it? I've never had to prove someone's dead. Yeah, you get a death certificate, like a birth certificate. Yeah, but how do you get that? You go to the office. Does there have to be a body? You take a photo and just send it to them. Of the corpse?

Yeah, and you send it to them. I don't think that's how it's done. I think you just register it. Do they have to be, like, officially pronounced dead? Yes, that's why somebody... You have to send a medical sign. Yeah, that's why, like, if your husband mysteriously goes missing on a canoe trip, you've got to wait a while before you get the life insurance. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, because... But do you... Where do you put all your stuff? Because I'd like to wait a while before you get the life insurance. Right. Yeah. Yeah, because... But where do you put all your stuff? Because I'd say you die at home. Yeah. Do you have... Who comes and says, oh, yeah, they're dead? Oh, the morgue. And how do you get them there?

The funeral home. Do they get picked up? Yeah. Is it like a courier? Can you pop in the courier? I don't think you drop them off. No. Either the hospital or the funeral home picks them up. Yeah. The morgue. Yeah. Is it like a courier? Can you pop in the courier? I don't think you drop them off. No. Either the hospital or the funeral home picks them up.

Yeah, yeah. The morgue, yeah. Fascinating. And then pronounced. And then, yeah, you get a death certificate. But would they be pronounced dead by the person who arrives at the time they arrived? No, you say the time. At an estimated time of death.

Yeah. Yeah. Huh. But do you have all of your stuff in one place? I don't. It's all just in a drawer of crap. What stuff? I don't have stuff. But do you have all of your stuff in one place? I don't. It's all just in a drawer of crap. I don't have stuff. What would I have?

I don't have a marriage license. I patched a man for a will and it turns out that's not even legally binding. Yeah. You did too. You've got to have thought you had a legally binding will. He said, it'll kind of do in a pinch, I suppose. I was like, that's not what I want to hear about my will. What did you put in it?

My tongue. Oh, no. Not his mouth. The actual will. Jesus Christ, I nearly spat that coffee out. I nearly spat that coffee out. I said that if I die, everything goes to Sade, and if she dies, everything goes to me, and if we both die, our children would be

little orphans. Oh no! First I lost me daddy, now me mummy. They're both gone. Oh, we're orphans. Mr. Fletcher! Mr. Fletcher! Mr. Fletcher!

Look after us. You're my dad's best friend Oh my god are you leaving your kids to Fletch No I'm leaving my Grumpy Mr Fletcher I think what we'll do is we're two little orphans We'll turn his life round

We'll make him a caring loving father By the end of the movie No Follow me Indy. We're going to hit the road and do it on our own. What? I can't hit the road. Follow me.

I've got to go to school. I've got a very promising career as a medical professional. No, you shan't. No, you don't. Don't be stupid. I should pack all my worldly belongings in a little polka dot handkerchief and tie it to the end of a stick and we run down a railway. We're going to go to a yoga retreat in India.

It's what Dad would have loved to do. When are we going to India? I'm a dad. How are you getting to India? I'm a dad died with our passports. But there's a guru who said he'll take us under his wing. I'm not going to no guru. Come on, Orgy.

Get over this. Won't be my father to a big before he died. Stay away from anyone who calls himself a guru or a shaman. Your girls are going to be absolutely stuffed to tell you. They'll be on the first flight.

You need a box. You need the box with all your stuff in it. The knock box. I don't have anything. My parents have kind of a knock box. It's this old

like tin filing thing that's like this big of tiny drawers and our whole life important stuff goes in it. Oh. Yeah, see that's so amazing.

It's like we've had it since like the 90s and every now and then I'll look at it and be like, huh. Do you really need an ANZ bank statement from the 86?

Yeah. 1986. But they're like marriage license, our birth certificates, all that, that's all in there. Yeah, right. Probably they'd have

wills in there. I know where all the jewellery is. It's hidden in little places around my parents' house. Oh, like a treasure hunt. I'm going to burn your parents' house down and then just metal detect the ashes. Don't do that. Okay, so somebody said there's conflicting opinions.

Please attend every death. Is that true? I believe so, yeah. Is that true? They've got to hold and die at home. Yeah, because they've got to be like, oh, let's just check if they haven't been murdered. Yeah, yeah. Is that true? They've got to hold and die at home. Yeah, because they've got to be like, oh, let's just check if they haven't been murdered. Yeah, right.

She's 90 with a knife in her, but it could have been just natural causes. Right. Police attend every death. Someone said the pickup costs to have a body collected, some people can't afford it, so they have to drive them. They have to drive the corpse to the funeral home.

I hadn't thought about that. What do you have to get get like a BP hire trailer? Oh yeah, you couldn't just shove them in the back of your bloody Mazda 3. Because they go stiff. Put the back seats down. Those trailers bounce around

on the roads and they're shocking unless they've got a heavy load on them. No, you get one with the side cage and just put it on an angle. Because they do go stiff. Yeah.

Rigor mortis. A doctor has to pronounce someone dead. If you die at home, a GP has to come and pronounce and then the funeral home comes and collects them. If it's suspicious or horrific,

then the police come and the coroner comes and take them to the morgue for investigation. Horrific. Police report it on behalf of the coroner. Funeral directors

will pick up the bodies. Wow. Well, that's been a morbid segment of the show, hasn't it? Fascinating. Fascinating. That's it, man. We get to hear from of the show, hasn't it? Fascinating. Fascinating. That's it, man.

We get to hear from little Orphan Augie and Indy. They're on a plane to India. Oh, no. I can't believe I've been tricked into getting on this plane to go see the Guru. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. More financial pain on the way. The reserve bank is rising.

The short-cutting inflation has pushed the reserve. Cost of living. Cost of living crisis. And a recession is inevitable. The official Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Ice Cream Index. Well, we're getting down to the business end of the Ice Cream Index. It was zigzagging all over New Zealand looking for the biggest scooped ice creams today. Vaughan, what's on the agenda today?

Well, I just want to touch briefly on the fact that we talked about how bouncy around on the road a higher trailer can be. Sometimes they just make one up from the... A lot of people probably hiring them, you know, over summer, getting the yard work and stuff done. Someone said if the trailer's bouncing around, maybe just let a couple of PSI out of the tyres. Oh, what a good idea. Drop that five PSI and it won't bounce around as much. Sit lower on the ground. It'll sit a little bit flatter, absorb it.

If it's tight like a balloon, it'll bounce around. Well, just great advice. Thank you very much. We always appreciate a little trailer talk. Bear that in mind if you're moving Nana these holidays. Yeah, yeah. We're talking Bay of Plenty today. Now, do we need any SMS?

Do we need some text? Yeah, we're doing Auckland. We're doing Auckland. We've got some text and stuff for Bay of Plenty, but I believe we're going to take some calls for Auckland. We're going to take some calls and some text and some recommendations for Auckland. If you've got an Auckland recommendation, get them in now, just so we can start getting the players.

It's got to be rolled. It's got to not be too expensive. It's not gelato or I'll get really angry. Vaughan gets angry at gelato. Don't sorbet me. Don't gelato me. I literally had one last night. Don't $12 cone me. Don't $12bet me. Don't gelato me. I literally had one last night. Don't $12 cone me.

Don't $12 cone me. All right, well, if you've got a suggestion for Auckland, the greater Auckland area, 0800 DARS at M or text 9696. Where are the best ice creams in Auckland? Mine's Riverhead Food Market. I had one last night. We were driving home and then I went, and then Aaron goes, ice cream?

And I literally did a U-ey. I did a U-ey. Handbraked in there like Vin Diesel. And shout out to Hitton because he knows I'm indecisive. And I was like, I just want one scoop. I just want, I'm not that hungry. But he knows that I like two flavours. So he gave me one scoop, a little mini scoop of my other flavour.

Oh, you're nice. And it went down well. Has he got your olives in? He's a good boy. Hitton, do you have my olives in? I've just asked correctly. You couldn't make your martinis. And Friday is fast approaching

Yeah that's martini day That's martini day Alright let's start first Right Copenhagen Cones It is an absolute classic It's a true treat It is rolled ice cream Granted it's in a waffle cone

But they make their own waffle cones Sorry this is the Bay of Plenty This is the Bay of Plenty This is at the foot Of Mount Longanui Yeah it's a classic Always a line for that That's got a capital B That's got a capital B,

that's got a capital B for bougie next to it. It's a bit bougie, yeah, but you've just had a pash at the hot pools, you're stoked on life, you've rinsed off that chlorinated hot water

and you've popped over the road for a Copenhagen con. Are you just telling a story from your childhood? No, there was no pashing in my teenage years. Oh, really?

No, no, no, no. Oh my God, how sad for you. Not a pashing sort of fellow. He wasn't an Anytime Fitness 10 then. No, wasn't he? I've been a Les Mills Christchurch 10 since, honestly, the age of 12. Really?

Yeah. Honestly. Goodness me. You shouldn't have been. For a very young age. And it's just stuck. Mount Maid is just down the road. Mount Maid, I

assumed, had a little bit of a gelato buzz to it. But it's the Mount Maid Kitchen and Creamery, and I'm looking at this. Look at this. Now, this is ice cream, baby. This is ice cream. Oh, yeah. That's good. That's ice cream. We're going to have to put a B for Bougie. B for Bougie. Maybe a lowercase

B. That's posh. I don't want to put anybody off with a B for Bougie. Cardamomcase B. That's posh. I don't want to put anybody off with a beef a bougie. Cardamom and pear crumble flavoured ice cream. Oh, bougie. It's getting a beef a bougie. Cardamom. Whether you're going to cardamom. Burned caramel.

And chocolate crumb. It's a double B. Yum. Yum. Mango lassie. Mango lassie? Isn't that a curry? It's not a curry.

It's like a yoghurt drink from India. No, I think you're right. There is a curry with a lassie. Is that a curry? It's not a curry. It's like a yogurt drink from India. No, I think you're right. There is a curry. I think it's a curry. A lassie? No, a lassie is a yogurt drink. Are you sure?

I think it's a curry. One thousand percent. I think you'll find it's a curry. Oh my God, you're going to... I'm sorry to our Indian listeners. It's a curry. Oh, next to it, butter chicken flavoured ice cream.

See, we were right. They've gone deep into the curry flavoured ice cream. Well, that's a curry of sorts. You might be right because the only thing that's coming up is Ted Lasso. I am right. Ted Lasso flavoured ice right because the only thing that's coming up is Ted Lasso. I am right.

Ted Lasso flavoured ice cream. The only thing that's coming up is Ted Lasso, yeah. That's fantastic news. Okay. Lady Jane's Ice Cream Parlour in Rotorua opens at 10 o'clock this morning, according to a Google search. Never too early for an ice cream. Never too early for a Sea People ice cream.

Sea People plant-based ice cream made from our house-made cashew and coconut. Sorry, cut his mic off because I don't want to hear any more. No, but that's not, this is my tone of questioning the panel if we're accepting this. Yeah, well, yeah. Because you've got to have an alternative, don't you? I suppose we have to be inclusive. Do we? We have to be inclusive.

Do we? You just need be inclusive. Do we? You just need to toughen up and handle the dairy like I've been doing all night. And poop and fart and just absolutely. Yeah, remember when you guys were talking before? I had to turn off my mic and vomit in my mouth a little bit. Yeah. You just had a weird look on your face. It was like, what's happening here? Okay, what about the Polar Dessert Bar?

This is on the main drag there in Mount Maunganui, except they do the cold plate ice creamer. They put ice cream out and smash it. I love that they smash it. Smash and chop, smash and chop, roll, roll, roll.

Like the Cold Stone Creamery. Yeah, you into a bit of that? You into a bit of that? You have to have a beef abouge beside it, wouldn't you? Yeah, beef abouge, beef abouge.

Absolutely. Anything else? What else in the Hawks Bay? No, Bay of Plenty. Bay of Plenty, sorry. Beach store that's down past Whakatane. Someone said,

I can barely get through a junior cone that's so big. Scoops are Someone said, I can barely get through a junior cone. They're so big. Scoops are out of this world. Nine scoops for $6. Nine scoops for $6. That's almost a two-litre tub. It's out of control.

That's great. That's legit. I'm on board with that one. And the Awakiri store. Someone said, Awakiri does a mean ice cream. Wow. The Awakiri Rail Adventures just buy it. You know I love anything from the railway. Oh you love a rail adventure don't you? Yeah.

He loves a rail adventure. I do. You're big trains and planes guys. Big trains and planes guys. Oh that's just out of Whakatane as well. The Awakiri store. Now if we head to Auckland because we have had one very popular choice, which I believe, Roxy, you are in support of.

Roxy, who does the best ice creams in the whole of Auckland? Pocono. Actually, no, no, no. You can get 12, too. Roxy, shush for a moment, please. What? That is Waikato Territory, as it is south of the Bombay Hills. It is south of the Bombay Hills. It is south of the Bombay Hills.

There is a territory line at the top of the Bombay Hills by that veggie store, because every time I go across it, I tell my kids, careful, we're about to go into the Waikato, and then I just jab the brakes a bit, and so that's the difference between the Auckland and the Waikato. It's a Waikato ice cream. Speaking of which, when will we be? Shut up, Roxy.

When will we be? Roxy. One moment, please. One moment, shush. When will we be dealing with the Waikato? I can't help but notice we've completely missed the Waikato of anything so far. We've had about 10 messages about Pukenor. Yeah, I'm sorry, Aucklanders, you can't have it all. Can we not claim it?

No, no, no, no. When are we doing Waikato? Look, I've looked at my extensive spreadsheet and quickly snuck it in for tomorrow. You forgot to get to Waikato. You forgot. No. Roxy, are you able to call us back tomorrow?

Absolutely. Okay, we'll talk to you then. You Waikato trash. Vaughn will be nicer to you tomorrow, Roxy. Okay. You better be. With the correct regional association. Hey, she's not the only one.

There's so many messages for Pukinong. To be honest, it's kind of in Auckland. No, it's not. The way the city's crawling to the outer limits, it will swallow up that in no time. It's pushing out there, but that is ours. Thank you, Roxy. We'll talk to you tomorrow for you to say the exact same thing to us. Yeah up that in no time. It's pushing out there, but that is ours. Thank you, Roxy. We'll talk to you tomorrow for

you to say the exact same thing to us. Yeah, that'd be great. Cones on the beach at Piha. Now, I'm pretty sure that's ice cream related, although it's West Auckland, so it's probably two types of cones on the beach there. Apparently they do a pretty good ice cream. Yeah, look. Scrunchie Millers

in Milford. Might look bougie from the outside, somebody said, but don't judge a book by the cover. Great size. Now, I'm sorry. We've got another disgruntled text here. Vaughn, you shut up. Look at the lines in the Auckland Council map.

They pay Auckland rates for F's sake. Oh, we might need to get Roxy back on the phone. I think we're going to need Roxy. Let me just Google. Oh, Jared's saying Scrunchie Millers is too bougie. In Auckland. No, it says here Pocono, Auckland. Wait.

Waikato District Council is part of Pocono, is part of Waikato. Yeah. It says Waikato. Don't tell me like I'm wrong. But it's 53K from Auckland and 72K from Hamilton. Yeah, but Hamilton's not the centre of the Waikato. Don't tell me like I'm wrong. But it's 53K from Auckland and 72K from Hamilton. Yeah, but Hamilton's not the centre of the Waikato. It's the biggest city, but it's not the geographical centre. Do you remember where they drew the line for the COVID checkpoint

and Pocono was inside? Pocono was inside. Inside Auckland. They were like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. We need a geographer. But that was only because that was the easiest place to put a checkpoint. Yeah. From there, the motorway gets curvy and hilly. That was only because the Mercer Strait is obviously the easiest place to put the checkpoint.

We will talk to Roxy tomorrow. Yeah, I think it was so rude to Roxy, we couldn't possibly get her back. Today. You may have lost a listener too. If you can't identify what small town falls into what region, I don't want you. I mean, I don't know what half the towns in New Zealand are in what regions. We'll be cares for.

Leave. Everybody, leave. Okay. We live in a time of misinformation. We'll do Waikato tomorrow. The Waikato district blueprint includes. Oh my God, Vaughan, let it go. We know it's part of the Waikato.

We've established that. Yeah. We'll do Waikato tomorrow. Have we finished Auckland? I just want to give another shout out. Someone said, oh my God, Hitton is the man from Riverhead Food Market. He does the best ice creams and has the best yarns. There you go.

Kawakawa Bay Dairy and Takeaway. Now with that. Is that in Auckland? Is that in Auckland? Is Kawakawa? Bombay Hill Fruit Centre is the boundary. Now that's after. Yeah, that's at the top.

That's at the top before you go down to Pukano. Oh, okay. Well, we'll talk to Roxy tomorrow then. Kaukau is technically in the Bay of Islands. Oh, for God's sake. That's Northland. Oh, my God. Okay, well, let's do that when we do Bay of Islands.

We've done Northland. We've done Northland. It's too late. We could add it to the list. We've got like two for the entire region of Auckland. Someone said Ollie's and Royal Oak. That's not Scoops, is it? No, somebody pointed that out to us.

That was very bougie. Like sundae. Oh, yum, though. Yeah, it's diner style. All right, well, we'll finish our ice cream index tomorrow on the show. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. That is a new Instagram feature and Vaughan doesn't have it because... Because he's a lame-o.

Have you not updated Instagram? Is it an update in the app store or are you just lame? No, I'm on auto-update. I always get Instagram things last. Yeah. It's not fair. It's not fair. I always get Instagram things last. Yeah. Schnuffing! Schnuffing!

I always get Instagram updates and changes to the apps last. I think some people have had this new Instagram feature for a while because they saw someone post oh, it looks like everyone in New Zealand's got notes. I don't have it. And I was like, oh. So this is on Instagram. You go into your inbox and

above... Your inbox, dippy-dop by doo-wop. Yep, you go... Your inbox, dippy-dop, buy-do-what? Yep, you go into your inbox, dippy-dop, do-what? And then above your messages are little notes, little statuses that... See, you don't have it either. So see, here's one from Jared. See, there's one from Jared. There's little Jared.

Oh, yeah. In this photo. If I put one in there, everyone who follows me will see that in their inbox. Only mutuals. So people that follow you back. Okay. So people that you follow that follow you back. All close friends.

What kind of things would I put in there? Well, for example. What's Jared got? Jared's got WTF is this. Right. He's confused. Somebody else put but why. Right. Somebody else put, but why? Right.

Somebody else put, this shit's dingo. That's Rowan. That's Rowan. That's Rowan. Yeah. He's really made that a saying. Yeah, and a lot of people are just like, what's happening? What's this?

Do we need this? So it's popping off. One of my other friends, barbecue chicken. Yes, please. Clint from Brain Clint. Yes. Yay, another thing to yes please. Clint from Brian Clint, yes, yay, another thing to worry about. Okay. Good point there. Good point from Clint. Wow.

And what do you put it up? How long does it last for? I'm assuming 24 hours. Another one of my friends, get me pregnant. Jesus, why? Was that directly to you? I don't know if that's possible. Wow. What the F is this then possible. Wow. Okay.

What the F is this then? Guy Montgomery. Okay. So, yeah, I mean, I guess it's like a status for your Instagram feed. Like when you have MSN Messenger, it'll be like, Yes! Love my black heart. Love it hard and let it bleed.

You're right. In the emo days. Like a little slogan. No, you're right, though. It would be like an the emo days. Like a little slogan. No, you're right though. It would be like an emissary status. A little status tag. Yuck. Yeah.

I mean, another thing. Do we need another thing? Yeah. Why are they doing this? Because usually Instagram, and no offence, but they copy, don't they? They're like, oh, TikTok, so we'll do reels. Is it a little bit Twitter-y? Oh, yeah, it is Twitter-y. It is a little bit a thought, like it's a little bit Twittery? Oh, yeah, it is Twittery. A little thought.

A little bit, a thought, like it's a little bit Twittery? Short thought. Maybe, like a really curated one. Yeah. I don't know. Okay. So it's just text. It's not a photo either if you don't have it.

So it's just a photo. You have to click on it to see the full, what they've written. If it's long, then, yeah, the rest of it you click into it. And does the most recent one go to the start? It does, yeah. And you can react with like a love heart or a laugh face or whatever. Right. Yeah.

So someone could be like, hell of a day, dot, dot, dot. Oh, my God. Yeah, don't do that. I'm in a hospital, dot, dot, dot. Yeah. Yes, you can't really count on your friends. Oh, dot, dot, dot. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The weather's really reflecting my current situation. Dot, dot, dot. Yeah. Anyone in need of a boyfriend because I'm getting rid of mine. Dot, dot, dot. Oh, jeez, that's not even mysterious, is it? So you get 60 characters. 60.

60 of text or emoji. And it will appear at the top of friends' inboxes for 24 hours So you get 60 characters. 60. 60 of text or emoji. And it will appear at the top of friends' inboxes for 24 hours. And replies will arrive as DMs. So you can also text reply to a status. Right. To a chat, a text chat. Huh. An Instagram note.

Sorry, that's what they're called. So yeah, rolling out. And yeah, it's a thing now. I think it'll be one of those things that we're all like Oh, so lame And then we'll be like I've posted a status You know, get into it

Most people have, haven't they? Yeah Already Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Well yesterday, I finally went to the hygienist I've been overdue the hygienist And it's always Because you've just got a Facebook memory, Vaughan, that's popped up.

12 years ago. 12 years ago today, I got my temporary crown. And that's still in? That's still in. It's in half. I took a photo today to compare it. It's because it snapped, didn't it? It snapped in 2015.

It's still hanging in there. My teeth look to be changing shape somewhat. The one behind it's definitely dirtier than it was 12 years ago. I brush two to three times a day. I'm a big flosser. You do have very white teeth. You do look after your teeth. But I mean, you shouldn't have a 12-year temporary crown.

No. According to who? Dentists. Dentists. No. According to... Who? Dentists. Dentists. Is that who? Yeah. I'm always trying to ruin my fun. Well, I like to go to the hygienist,

even though I hate it, because the pain, or just the feeling, it's not too much pain. It's just the feeling. It's like scraping. I used to be so sensitive. I'd get injections to go to the hygienist.

Would you? Yeah, when I was like, in my late teen years, I just got this real thing about the dentist. Yeah. And then my mum was still making me go, and so I'd get injections so I couldn't feel it. But now I'm fine for this reason that you discovered yesterday.

Well, it's because I messaged you and I said, because I couldn't get into my normal dentist because they're booked until February. Yeah. You can't get a hygienist until February? February. Good pronunciation. Are they all on holiday? They're as

rough as guts hygienists. No, what do you mean? What do you mean? They get in there and they bloody scrape and they tuck and they pull. Yeah, but it's good. And you come out and your teeth are just so clean and you run your tongue over them all day. You're just like, no, no, no. So clean. And you know, I drink a lot of coffee.

Yes. So I need it. Yeah. And so I couldn't get into my normal place so I found a new place and so I'm like la-di-da go along and then they do this different kind of hygienist

where they paint your teeth with this purple goo and it shows up like all the bits that they need to get rid of and then they use this thing it's like a what do they call it

sand blaster it's like a little mini sand blaster with a warm water and then your teeth just go amazing well then it's a water blaster it's a water blaster. It's like a little mini sand blaster with a warm water. Yeah. And then your teeth just feel amazing. Well, then it's a water blaster. It's a water blaster. But it's got tiny little grits in it. But it's also like an air flosser.

So it is a water blastery sand blaster. It's an airflow machine. This is new. It's a new thing. Yeah, because I've got a carter. In the hygienist world. If that's what you're after, I've got a carter at home. Yeah, I think you'd take my gums off, though.

It's 3200 PSI. Just stand back a little bit. But it's not like, you don't feel like it's like a sandblaster. Because it's changed your life and you're like, oh my God, you need to leave your hygienist. I was like, Hayley, I found this. And you're like, your one does this. Mine already does it.

Yeah. Oh, it changed my life because it didn't hurt at all. I was like, oh my God, not that awkward pain of just like scraping. Oh my God, I know. I'm such a little wuss when it comes to my teeth. So like this thing rules. But I don't think they let you do a hygienist until you've

had your teeth done. You've got to go to the dentist first. It's like going to the panel beater and being like, can you just paint over all of this rust? Yes. You've got to get the rust taken out first. So you wouldn't have even been to a hygienist in 12 years? No. Jeez.

But to me, I feel like hygienists are unnecessary. No, they are. No, they are. No, you're not. You can't do what they do. They're trying to be dentists without the qualifications. They just... They are very well qualified.

They're just polishers. Producer Jared, who's met he works at a dentist, is shaking his head. They're very qualified aren't they Very qualified I reckon I could bear hygiene No you couldn't I reckon if you gave me the tools

The little mirror and the stick And the hook for the picking I could get your teeth pretty clean Can we book Vaughan in for a check up Yeah sure And then you took to the middy To get a check up We simply must

This is unbelievable Not going into next year Why are you scared The money's gonna be tight next year. Yeah, but why? Okay, we'll shake. Happy birthday for February 20th from Fletch and I. Jesus, no.

Money's going to be tight next year. You've both got mortgages to pay. No. We'll pay for the initial appointment. Not the... Yeah, we'll get you a... Not what you need. They do that not sore.

They don't smell. I'm fine. I just want out of my pure... Out of the pure curiosity, want to see how bad your teeth are after 12 years of not going to the dentist. They don't smell. I'm fine. I just went out of my pure, out of the pure curiosity, want to see how bad your teeth are after 12 years of not going to the dentist. Because they look good. But that's like, you know, it's what's on the inside. Yeah, that's true.

That's true. See, I look good. Christchurch, Les Mills, 10 out of 10. Yeah. But what's on the inside is a disaster. On the inside of what? Myself. Oh, your whole self. It's like a inside is a disaster. On the inside of what? Myself. Oh, your whole self.

It's like a jar of pickled onions in there. Is in there. A lot of fermentation. I think 2023 is the year that Vaughan finally goes to the dentist. Year of the teeth. We'll do it on the show to make you go. I said this year for me, 2022, I called it the year of the hair. Remember because I went bald and then I grew it back and I got some teeth. So you got the injections called it the year of the hair remember because I went bald

and then I grew it back and I got some teeth so you got the injections 2023 year of the teeth year of the teeth it's the Chinese horoscope isn't it

join me on the journey year of the teeth Jared's just said it's tooth break season what does that mean are teeth more likely to break in this season yeah apparently

from the midi they're hella booked out because everyone's teeth are breaking or a lot of toothaches this time of year. Does she come home and she's like, God, you never guess how many people broke their tooth today? Yeah. Good Lord. Because of what?

Minties. That's how I did it. I lost a filling to a minty. Yeah. I've never forgiven them. Never eaten a minty since. Candy canes, et cetera. Yeah.

Be careful. Yeah, apparently Macintoshes are worse than minty. Oh, yeah. Well, then that's a minty, really? A different coloured minty. It's a toffee. It's a toffee, yeah. It's a minty with a bit of brown food colouring.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, work parties, end of year do's, Christmas Day, a lot of booze around. New Year's Day. New Year's. And with alcohol often comes a hangover. The worst part, arguably. That and doing shots.

Yuck. What are we talking? I can do tequila, but anything else, gross. But are you talking like mixed shots, like a little QF or a little mudslide? A little cookie monster or something. I mean, great at the time. It's the next day that you regret that. It's tequila or nothing.

Anyway, hangovers, terrible things. We're always searching for the cure. We read out an article. Somebody said they had the best hangover cure. This was a month or so ago. Yes. And it was coconut water. Yes. A pear. a month or so ago. Yes. And it was coconut water. Yes.

A pear. Yeah. And lime juice. Yeah. Blended up to make a juice. That's a tremendous treat. I did try it. I did try it.

It was all right. Because when I, after Friday jams, when I'd had a few, we had some coconut water and I felt all right the next day. Yeah, because coconut water is like, it's nature's power, right? Yeah. Isn't it? Well, a licensed doctor in LA because coconut water is like, it's nature's power, right? Yeah. Isn't it? Well, a licensed doctor in LA,

her name is Ari, she revealed the hangover cure she swears is 100% effective. Okay. I don't think she's done any sort of formal study.

Right. But 100% is the outcome. She might be one of those people that doesn't get a hangover. You know those people? Oh, yeah. I've got a friend like that

and I hate it. And we hang out so much and every morning he's like, hey, I'm like, ugh. Shut up. Anyway, so Ari says the 100% cure is a vitamin B complex pill, a magnesium pill, a folic acid supplement alongside an electrolyte drink. Now is this before bed?

Before bed. She says you can take it the next morning, but it'll just have a delayed effect. Right. You know? Because I'm big into the coconut water pre-bed and in the morning, and I reckon that is half of it.

And half of what you say, or most of that, is coconut water. Yeah. Well, she's called it single-handedly the most effective way. It is the oral version of an IV fluid bag. Wow. Electrolytes version of an IV fluid bag. Wow. Electrolytes and all these vitamins and stuff.

She said it absolutely erases symptoms of dehydration, replenishes your electrolytes. The main reason why you've got a hangover is because you're dry and dehydrated and you've got a whopping headache. So that's her trick. What about trying not to be a little baby? Yeah, what about manning up? Are we still using that term?

No, no, we're not, no. Telling people to man up? No, no, no. I don't think it's gender specific. Both genders are equally, all genders are equally as pathetic on the arse end of a hangover. They are indeed. She hasn't said anything about sort of copious amounts of carbohydrates and grease.

That's mine. And a pulpy orange juice. Oh, I love a pulpy orange juice. And if it's not pulpy, you can get it out of my face. It's got to be thick with pulp. Thick with pulp. Like if you leave it too long, it separates and you've got to stir it again.

Yes, it all drops to the bottom. It's turned into a swampy pulp up the top. Well, we have our work due. Well, not work due. We're just having a little bit of a boozy lunch after our last show next week. Yeah. I will provide everyone a small baggie of pills that on the day will look dodgy. But it is actually going to be magnesium, folic acid, B-complex, and some hydrolytes.

Who's B-complex? I'd add two panties to that. A couple of panties. We're going to add a panty in here. Add a panty to the baggie. I don't know what B-vitamin B-complex is. Well, it's just lots of different types of vitamin B. Right.

B-12, B-7. You've got B-1, B-2. B-1 and B-2. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, B-1? I think I am. B-2. We're in for a cracker of a hangover. It's hangover time.

B-6 and B-12. Okay. They all play a major role in the functioning of the brain and nervous system. Very beneficial to cure. Or just know your limits, you know? Yeah. Grow up and know your limits. Drink responsibly.

Yeah, drink responsibly. No thanks. Hayley, we were doing that thing where you balance it out by saying a responsible message. Please drink responsibly. Man up? Is that? No. No, no, message. Please drink responsibly. Man up? Is that? No. No, no, no.

It's not balance. Anyway. Shots, shots, shots. Drink responsibly. Drink responsibly. Know your limits. Yeah, this holiday season. Don't be a douchebag.

Play ZM's Fletch for the nightly. Play ZM. Yesterday, I went to pay for petroleum. 91 unleaded petroleum For my Suzuki Jimny That's the good stuff That's the good stuff Yum yum yum said the Jimny

And I said Thank you daddy That's yummy Yum yum yum Yum yum yum But it didn't work Because it was one of those ones Where you scan your card

And it does a hold on it And then you fill up you've got a maximum of like 150 or whatever. Yes. And then you're hanging the thing up and then it charges you. Yeah. So I scanned it and it was like, card not working. And I was like, scan it again.

It was like card error. Do you need to borrow some money, sweetie? Yes. A little transfer. Yes, please. We can do a run a little, give a little. Yeah. Wouldn't be the worst give a little, ever.

No, it wouldn't be. Some of them are very questionable. Oh, my God, I know. Is there no committee that decides on the give a littles? Yeah. I've given to less, let's just say. So I was like, what's going on here? And so I rang the bank and I said,

there seems to be some sort of error with my card. I thought my card had expired, but it hadn't. Right. Did you have another card had expired, but it hadn't. Did you have another card? And yeah. Like your FPOS? Yeah. Did that work?

No. Because I have been identified as somebody that has not met the criteria of a model citizen. Oh. My business that I have. Yep. Vaughan Smith Tractors. Vaughan Corp. Vaughan Corp. Vaughan Corp have. Yep. Vaughan Smith Tractors. Vaughan Corp. Vaughan Corp.

Vaughan Corp Limited. Fails to meet the criteria of not a money launderer. Right. How? What have you done? Is this because Hayley and I are called Crime Stoppers? Because we're worried about your business lunches? You bastards. Is it because every time that we pay you back

for something you've paid for, we say drugs, drugs, drugs in the reference? That may have alerted them to it. So I ring and I talk to a lady who is absolutely not at fault, but has been, she said, dealt with a few of these lately. Okay. And if you've got a business and they need some information off you

to prove that you're not laundering money. Now, I don't think I, my business does not earn enough money to, if I was a drug dealer laundering money, I'd be the worst drug dealer there is. Yeah. It's not enough. Selling a couple of tinnies

on the corner of the street. And then depositing it in my bank. But it's the law. This happened to a lot of people. If you haven't proved your ID or you haven't, yeah, given all the information they need, they just shut your account. Because Sharesies did it for a few accounts.

Yes. Because people hadn't provided the right information. Correct. But this was, yeah, because of my business account and associated accounts. So they said, oh, there was an email. I said, who did that email go to? And they read out my wife's email address. And I said, why, there was an email. I said, who did that email go to? And they read out my wife's email address. And I said,

why would you email her? Oh, because she's also associated to these accounts. I'm like, okay. But this called Vaughn Corp. I would have thought the email address that starts with Vaughn probably would have been the first port of call to email. And then I said to Shada, did you get an email? And she searched and she's like, oh my God, I thought it was like a scam. Like, why were they emailing me about your business?

I was like, that's a fair call. I would have also been like, you know, you played it was like a scam. Like, why were they emailing me about your business? Yeah. I was like, that's a fair call. I would have also been like, you know, you played it safe on the scam thing there. Yeah. And the lady said, oh, they tried calling you. I said, oh, really? Did they talk to me? And she's like, the note says no.

And I said, so did they try calling me again? And she said, no, they did not. I was like, that's an interesting approach to shutting down somebody's accounts. What bank is this? Are you going to say the bank? This is the Bank of New Zealand. The BNZ. The BNZ.

The BNZ. The bins. Right. So they tried twice, very roughly. Got a reply neither time. And then just shut your account. And then yesterday was just like D-Day and they shut it down. They locked my account.

Oh, shit. He does need some money. Yeah, I'll just do it. Luckily, all the drugs I'm dealing pay in cash. So I've been, you know, I've just been paying with cash. Yeah. But yeah, I don't. It's weird because I've had so many chats with people recently about money laundering.

My favourite with Georgia Burt, who does the day show here. Is she behind me? Not yet. If she was here, I'd bring her in. She thought money laundering was really where drug dealers wash the drugs off the money. Giving them a little bath. Like there's been a big shoot up in the drug factory and all the cocaine puffed all over the

money. You've got to give them a rinse. And we were talking about how hard it is and she said yeah you'd really like people would be interested if they just saw you chucking cash into the laundromat. Did she not watch Breaking Bad? I mean that show educated generations about money laundering. There was a laundromat involved in she not watch Breaking Bad? I mean, that show educated generations about money laundering. There was a laundromat involved in that.

No, there was a car wash. No, no, no, it wasn't. But when they went to the other place, downstairs was the laundromat. And you had to go through it to get to the lab. That's right, to get to the lab. So that would have confused her. She would have been like, that's what's washing the money.

So yeah, it's basically about introducing money as a result of a crime back into the legal system. They don't mind about paying the tax on it, the criminals, because it's still expensive. Well, they want their roads to be good. They want teachers to teach. They want nurses to nurse. They can totally

appreciate the tax system. It's the legal system they've got a problem with. So when do you get your cards unblocked? One of the criteria is I have to prove that my business resides at my home address, which I cannot do because the business lives primarily online. And I thought maybe the New Zealand business where they've got a list of businesses, that would have all my details of my business. And that is a government agency.

And I've got to have like a proper login to get it. So maybe, okay. And I went to that and that website's down at the moment. Okay, great. So I'm like, what? But you literally live at that address. I know I live at the address, but does the business? Oh my God.

Do these people even try? I am the business. The business is you. But the business is me. And then I said, you're the bank. That business, I've opted out of receiving statements mailed to me. Yeah. Because I don't need it.

You're saving the planet. I can get everything I need online. Yeah. Apart from the postal address, which I need to prove that it exists at this location. And I said, you would have that associated to both myself, my wife, and my business, all at the same address. And she said, no, but we need it from another bank. And I said, but you're my bank.

And she said, yeah, I guess we are. What? Oh, my God. Do the beans even know what they're doing? This is just, it doesn't matter. It's any bank. I said, is this just this bank? And she said, no, it's every bank.

You can't use your bank address to prove to the bank that you live at that address. It has to be another bank. But that's the only thing your business has. That's the only thing my business has with a postal address on it. Oh, my God. That and the IRD. My account to take care of the IRD stuff.

And I Googled and I could get the address from an IRD, not from the IRD website, where you would think it would be, from the business website that I mentioned before, which, as I said, is currently offline. Oh, great. Lucky we're not in the time of the year where you need money more than, access to money more than you do at most other times of the year. Just as well. Okay.

Well, maybe this is the only time. Guess what we're doing today? We're going into a bank. Oh, wow. And you know why? Lucky it wasn't yesterday because that bank wasn't open because they're not open all the time now. No, no, no, no. They pick their hours.

Wow. I believe today it's open. Well, maybe you should just untick statements and receive statements. I don't want statements. Every time I get a start, I never even open a statement. If they had sent you a statement, could you take that in and say, see, look, I got it.

No, because they sent it to me. It needs to be from another bank. It needs to go and join another bank. Are you not listening to this common sense? But you don't have another bank. I know I don't have another bank. Could you go and join another bank just to get a statement and then go? I'd rather have to prove to them that that was my postal address.

But they'd need it from their bank. What? Yeah. I could have forged that. Wow. It's tough being a criminal. I? Yeah. I could have forged that. Wow. It's tough being a criminal. It's hard being a criminal. It's really tough.

So much admin. Loopholes. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fact of the day. Day, day, day, day. Yeah. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, Today's fact of the day is about a Norwegian town

that in Norwegian translates to the Longyear Town and its name is Longyearbyen. Longyearbyen. Longyearbyen. Longyearbyen because it is the northernmost settlement of humans with more than a thousand people. Wow. Is it just always light or always dark? In the summer it is always light

and in the winter it is always dark. It is the de facto capital of Slavbard. So this is the town closest to the Slavbard Seed Vault. Yes, I've learnt about that. All the seeds, yeah. It's got some interesting rules. The rules are that cats are illegal. I'm not moving anything.

Well, I'm not going there. Where will Major Murray Fluffington go? We're cat people. Can you elaborate on why? Unique laws, exampleslude a complete ban on cats I think it's because of the bird life And how it's so isolated The cats are just

There are so many birds Like get a grip I know Get a grip It's not sparrows and robins There's so many of them It's puffins It's puffins

Oh not the puffins There's loads of them There's no penguins There's no penguins up there Also there's a restriction On how much alcohol An individual can purchase On a monthly basis.

I'm not moving there. Is that because you go crazy with all the daylight? Probably. Probably and drinking doesn't help. Oh, you just drink and drink and drink and then you'd be like, what time is it? Oh my God, it's 6am. Yeah, I've got to go to work. And then the third part probably also relates to the second part about the monthly thing.

Because if you are going outside, you have to carry a rifle for protection of polar bears. Oh my god. Don't shoot polar bears. We don't have that many left. Wait, so don't have a cat because they eat birds, but have a gun to shoot polar bears. Correct. Well, shoot at or scare polar bears.

You don't have to kill the polar bears. I reckon you could pop a couple of 20 tours into the side of a polar bear and it would just look at you mildly inconvenienced. Yeah, they're like, don't hurt me, you cow. Do you know what I am? I am the alpha predator. You're going to want to run.

Yeah. You know how great whites are all like, king of the ocean, king of the ice caps. Yeah. I feel like you'd need a rocket launcher to take one of those things down. Oh, my God. They're so amazing. One of those big guns mounted on the back of a Toyota Hilux.

Yes. Like in Rogue Heroes. Yeah, and even then I reckon the Polo Bear would be like, I'm going to flip that. Oh, that's so cute though. Yeah, that's why they're so misleading. This was also the place we talked about, the island where it was illegal to die. Well, that's right. Remember when we talked about it's illegal to die? You've got to get yourself out of there.

Yeah, if you know you're going to die, you've got to get yourself out of there because you've got to get moved to the mainland. But you'd need some blackout curtains, wouldn't you? It's so cold there that the bodies don't decompose. Just sit around. Yeah, just sitting about. So, it's at the moment in the midst of its darker months.

Yeah. Its average temperature each day reaches a high of negative 9.2 degrees Celsius. You'd get some great northern lights up there though, wouldn't you? Some great northern lights. That'd be beautiful. All the time. Only in the dark months though. Yeah. Otherwise it's just Great Northern Lights. That'd be beautiful. All the time. Only in the dark months though. Yeah.

Otherwise it's just light all the time. Well, obviously hornets. People know that. People might go to... People might turn up there in July and be like, Fletch said they have wonderful things about your Northern Lights.

It's not the season. Oh no, you've come at the wrong time. Do you want a seed? I've got so many seeds. I've got so many seeds. You don't have a rifle for polar bears, you silly tourist. Is that a cat?

No! So today's fact of the day is the northernmost settlement of humans with greater than 1,000 people is Longyearbyen, and you can only drink so much a month. You have to carry a rifle to scare off the polar bears, and you aren't allowed cats. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. There is an American footballer who is 12 years old,

and I want it on the record that I feel like this could be a hoax. This could be an internet hoax. Like that imposter. We'll talk about it. That guy who pretended to be a 10-year-old, but he was a middle-aged man. Do you remember that story? The family that lost a kid? There was a whole imposter.

And he said, I'm your missing child. Yeah, he came back and they were like, he looks different. He's a different race, but okay. So this American football had an under 12s or a 12 and under trophy. And I feel like, because I read quite a bit of the article, because I was like you, I was like instantly, this cannot be right. But then people had had other photos from when he was like 10 and 11, and it just looks like in the last year he's just got this man face.

Can I see this child, please? The moustache. Yeah, he's got moustache. Google 12-year-old American footballer. And a sleeve tattoo. There was a tattoo, right? I didn't see it. I didn't see a sleeve tattoo.

No, no, no, no, no. Wasn't it one of those long sleeve tops with a design on it? Might have been, might have been. 12 years old, you can't have a sleeve tattoo. No, he's got a tattoo on. It is a tattoo, right? This is not a 12-year-old. No.

No, but the internet says that's a 12-year-old. That is not a 12-year-old. The head's big, the body's slighter, but I don't know. That tattoo could be fake, like it doesn't look in the skin. Yeah, it looks like it could have been drawn on. But do you think this is just a big hoax? It's got to be. This is not a 12-year-old boy.

It's got to be a hoax. But then in saying that, like, you know, they always do those alcohol police stings, and they go to a college and get, like, a 14-year-old with a moustache who's seven foot tall and does the stings on the alcohol sewer and you just feel sorry for them because they always look way older than they are.

I know physically intimidated by a teenager. That's always embarrassing. He has a full moustache. I know. Yeah. I remember the 12 year olds I went to school with

maybe had like a little Like a wispy? A wispy. I loved when dudes would start growing a moustache. There was a guy at our school who didn't want to shave it. He was like, this is my moustache.

And we were all just like, not quite. And there was another one whose mum wouldn't let him. Really? I was like, we weren't like teasing him about it. We were talking to him about shaving it. And he's like, my mum won't let me. I'm like, just do it. Is there a razor in your house?

You don't have to ask your mum's permission to shave your moustache. Just do it. So you're flicking through the story now, first read. Do you think it's legit? No, surely not. He looks about 18 to 20. If it's not legit, it will be found out pretty quickly because there will be news organisations doing some deep dives.

Yeah. But we want to know from you this morning, when someone thought maybe you were older than you were. Yeah, right. Because always, did you have someone at your school that would buy the booze? Yes. Because they looked older.

Yeah. And I don't want to say his name because his mum still scares me. Yeah, right. Really? Okay. 27 years later. 25 years later. I got away with it a little bit when I was in my teenage years

because I was tall. Tall girls always, yeah. And attitude. So I was often mistaken for older. Yeah, but the stories are never really complimentary, are they? Because it's not good when you're 25 and someone goes, oh my God, like how in your 30s are you? Yes.

Like that's not a good compliment. Or maybe, I know this has happened to people, when someone goes, oh my God, your granddaughter is so sweet. And it's, that's your baby. Yeah. Yeah, you're not. Nope, that's my child. That happens.

That's me, and I'm only 32. Yeah, thank you though. Something like that. So we want to take your calls. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. So a 12-year-old American footballer is taking the internet by storm because he looks 25 or even 30. But he's 12. The tattoo and the photo could be a fake, like drawn on,

but from all accounts, he is a 12-year-old. Google the photo. It's insane. He's got a moustache. And he looks like a unit, like, tall, kind of broad shoulders. I mean, broad shoulders because he's in the

American football club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was, like, always in, like, age group rugby. There'd always be a unit, someone that just growth spurted, like, before everyone else. But they weren't bragging

anybody's rules. No. And it was nice. Yeah, they were still, like, under the... It must have been nice towhere No And it was nice Yeah they were still like Must have been nice to be them Yeah But then they were always The ones that ended up

Being shorties Because everyone else Had a grasp And they stopped Yeah So we want to know From you this morning When do people mistake

Your age And you look older Than you actually are Friend of the show Brad Olsen messaged us On Instagram Well I guess because He's so smart And he's got it all Instagram. Well, I guess because he's so smart

and he's got it all together. You assume he's older, but he's only in his 20s. He said, Grant Robertson yesterday in front of most of Wellington's political journalists. R.I.P. me. Because he's 25, 26. Yeah.

With a maturity level of a real adult. Don't forget our podcast special as well that we dropped yesterday with Brad Olsen talking all things finance. Tom said, my wife has been mistaken for my mother on two different occasions. It's pretty funny, but you don't laugh for too long about it. No, you wouldn't dare. Yeah, I was with my 17-year-old nephew at the supermarket. I was 25.

People thought I was his mum. Oh, shame. Yeah. All right. Somebody said 25. People thought I was his mum. Oh, shame. Mathematically. Yeah. All right. Somebody said at your 21st, Vaughan, your mum offered me bubbly, assuming I was my older sister.

No, mum just likes everyone to have a drink, you know? Yeah, yeah, relax. Wants everyone to have fun. You want to know if you look older than you are, if you get quite often caught up, maybe with an accidental insult. Yeah. This never happened to me.

Most people assume I'm 19. 20s. Stop it. Broad. Someone messaged in saying, as a 12-year-old, I was 6'1". Wow. So never got believed when I said I was only 12. I mean, the photo of this 12-year-old American footballer, like, just, that is insane.

Like, I'd say 25. He's got a grown man's demeanour about him. Yeah, he's looking down with a sort of a smizey kind of look. Yeah, he's lived many lives. If you were on the countdown checkout, the supervisor, would you do a booze check, an ID check? No, I'd just get what he wanted. Unless he was like, hey, just want to buy this little glass of wine?

Yeah. Well, you know, us 22-year-olds, we like to sit down on a lovely Chardonnay. So taking your calls, do you look older than you are? Michelle, who looks older than they are? So my daughter and her partner started dating when they were very young, just turned 14. Oh. And the first time we came to our house, my husband came home

and he just lost his mind. He was like, how old's that boy? He's like 25, just completely flipped out. And the poor kid was only just turned 14. He's big, really big. Wow. He looks really old. And my husband's like, he has to go home.

Did you ID him, make him give you his student ID? When his mum came to pick him up, we had to ask his mum. I had to get his mum to tell my husband how old he was. I'm pretty sure he still didn't believe. So your daughter has been with him since then. How old's your daughter now? Almost 20. Wow.

That is so cute. Childhood sweetheart. Does he still look way older or has he kind of stayed the same looking age? How? Almost 20. Wow. That is so cute. Childhood sweetheart. Does he still look way older or has he kind of stayed the same looking age? He's a very big boy. He does look older than her. I'm pretty sure he's never, ever been ID'd in his life. Yeah, right.

That's pretty sweet when you're a 14-year-old. Yeah, but now when they start talking about having children, she doesn't think it's such a great idea, I don't think. Yeah, mate, yeah. You'll find a surrogate. You know it's going to hurt coming out? Yeah, that's what I keep telling her. Amazing, Michelle. Thanks for your call. Janelle, there's been some confusion about somebody's age

at your end. Hi. Yes. So, I have a 12-year-old niece and she is six foot. And I had to take her to the doctors one day. I'm 30 and I'm five foot four. And I had my three kids with me as well. And when we went into the doctor's room, the doctor turned to her and said,

so what's brought you in today? Wait, so they thought your niece was the mother of you all? Yes. She was 12? Yeah. Oh, my goodness. To be fair, she was taller than him, so obviously he wasn't looking her in the face. And then I turned to him and I was like, actually, I'm the mum.

Oh, wow. And he was like, oh, oh. I feel so bad for her sometimes. Oh, my God. Wow, being six'm the mum. Oh, wow. And he was like, oh, oh. I feel so bad for her sometimes. Oh, my God. Wow, being six foot and 12. That's, yeah, wow. Thanks, you're called Janelle. Ashley, do you look older than you are?

Yeah, so I was in high school at the age of 16, and I developed quite early, you could say. There was always a few of the years. Yeah. But yeah, so I was always mistaken for being quite a bit older, like at least 21, and now being 31, I've been mistaken for being a lot younger. So you just sort of got to an age and stayed that way for a while.

Yeah, apparently. I reckon that's the best of both worlds. That's the way to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, totally. Ashley, thanks. You're cool. Sarah, when were you mistaken? Is that older than you are?

Morning. I... Well, she doesn't sound happy about it, does she? No, she's stupid. Well, no, I wasn't, because it was a running joke for quite a while at my work. But I worked in the car industry, so I had some like

mutual contacts and my ex-partner he crashed his car and so he asked me if i could take it into the panel shop to get repaired and he followed because he drove it there um anyway we got our faxed and then they rang me and they're like hey just letting you know your son's car is ready to pick up. Oh. Oh, darling. Oh, my God. What did you tell them? I was like, um, thanks. Yeah, I wouldn't say anything either. I'd be like, okay, thank you.

I'll let my big boy know. Yeah. Sarah, thank you. Greg, when were you mistaken for someone older? It was the 90s, and everybody was getting those high gloss family photos done with the Vaseline on the lens,

that kind of thing. Yes. Smokey. With a mottled background. Yes. You know it. So my step-mom went to go and pick up the photos that had been taken of me and my sister. And the photographer goes, oh yeah, cool, I'll go look for that name and

go searching and searching and searching and she can't find them and she comes back and says oh roughly how old were the kids i've got some here with uh you know about a 14 15 year old girl um and then there's this weird guy like about 21 22 does that sound about right and i was 11 at the time it was me and the photos my nickname at at intermediate school was Charlie Chaplin for obvious reasons. Moustache. Yeah. I ended up actually shaving that moustache off with a pencil sharpener because I felt the pain of the text earlier.

I wouldn't be allowed to shave. So you took the blade off the pencil sharpener and went, and shaved it off? Yep, yep. I mean, could you have just gone to a supermarket? Yeah. You know I was good at any money, the leather. I wouldn't have had enough cash or leather to buy a razor. Have you grown into yourself a little bit more, Greg?

No, I was definitely the one, the big kid at intermediate school, and I distinctly averaged out, so I kind of just blended with everybody else. Yeah, it's crazy how that happened. Yeah. Greg, thank you for sharing that pain, that intermediate pain. And I guess you never look at a pencil sharpener the same, will you? I know. Thanks, mate. Some messages in.

I've been talking to a lady at my kid's school for the past six years and recently remarked how nice it is that you were there picking up your grandkids every day. And that's when she told me she was the mother, not grandmother, and I was absolutely mortified because I can't stop thinking about how she thinks I've been figuring that for six years. You just can't. You just can't say that.

You can't. You never say an age and you never say are you pregnant. A pregnancy, yeah. At a liquor store, I was with my 12-year-old daughter. I put a couple of bottles of wine on the checkout to pay and the man at the liquor store asked if I was paying for both or if my friend was picking up the other one. My 12-year-old daughter.

Yeah. Oh, wow. Because in those cases, they will ask for ID for both, eh? Yes. Because they're worried that you were buying it for someone or that, yeah. That's why they should always stay in the car. Yeah. Someone said my son is 16 and 6 foot 5 and people always

assume he's in his late 20s. I mean, that's great for buying booze and stuff, isn't it? Also, like, you'd have to pay the expensive movie tickets, too. Yeah. Yeah. When I was 11, I used to get asked what I was currently studying at university. If I talked about school, they assumed I meant university.

Yeah. Oh, goodness me. People just develop at different rates, don't they? They do. I'm still waiting. Yeah. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. She's... I'm still waiting. Yeah. It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay. She's... I drank soy milk. I did the exercises. Hey, remember how you just gave that Uber driver five stars because you wanted five stars back? Yes. Let's do that with this podcast.

Oh, yeah. Review it five stars. Tell your friends. And we'll do the same for you if you ever need a review for anything. But where are you giving me my five stars? Well, I don't know. Do you own a restaurant or something? Yes.

If you give us five stars on this podcast, tell us where you would like your review, and we'll review. We won't even go. We'll just review your thing. I don't want people to know where my restaurant is. I'm doing one of those secret restaurants. Oh, I was going to say,

because that's exactly the opposite of how restaurants work. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. of those secret restaurants. Oh, I was going to say, that's exactly the opposite of how restaurants work.