ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 15th February 2022

Episode Date: February 14, 2022

Dangerous Sex Position  Top 6: Beautiful Countries  Mozzies  20 Years of...  Hayleys Laser Update  Memorable Crushing Comments  Silly Little Poll!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe. Try the refreshing McCafe iced coffee. It's available now at Macca's. It's my lovely wife's birthday today. Happy.

My wife? That is the worst sound ever. Happy birthday. Yeah. Happy. I mean, only do it at a BYO or a restaurant to try and get your friend a free cake. Free pudding. Yeah.

You get a free pudding and it's not even their birthday. You're winning at life. Happy. Everybody. Happy. Happy was really revealed on Zoom. Did you have to do any Zoom happy birthdays? And then the delay was out.

So you'd be like, happy birthday. Horrible. How old is your lovely wife today? 37 years old. And horrible having it after Valentine's Day. That's terrible for you, isn't it? I thought you were going to say horrible having a wife whose Asian genes are keeping her looking in her 20s as I progressively age at twice the rate of the ordinary human. She really is quite gorgeous.

Yeah, she is. You were actually saying that earlier when you said how gorgeous she was, you were almost in a fit of jealous rage. I did. Then I called her a bitch. Yeah, you did. That's not the first time people have called her a bitch because she's, you know. Well, she did bottle someone once, didn't she? Yeah, yeah.

More than once. She'll fuck you up. See, that makes her hotter. It's a Hamilton in her. That makes her even hotter. She's got a bit of mongrel. Got a bit of mongrel in there. I like it.

Got a bit of mongrel in there. I like it. I tried when we went out for dinner on Saturday night, re-birthday, and they were sitting us. I said, bit of a special occasion, wife's birthday. Yeah. Nothing. Nothing. Re-birthday And they were sitting us I said bit of a special occasion Wife's birthday Yeah Nothing That's the equivalent of checking in for a flight And saying it's our honeymoon

Oh I know Oh sorry sir Let me give you a $5,000 airplane seat But there was only four of us We couldn't exactly spark up happy birthday In the middle of the restaurant And we had nothing to sing over We had nothing to sing over

I have also forgotten a cake Bad man Supermarket cakes Bad man No I need a slightly flash of cake We never get a cake to sing over. I have also forgotten a cake. Bad man. Supermarket cakes. Bad man. I need a slightly flasher cake. Zhoosh up a supermarket cake. Yeah.

Whipped cream. Talking about one with the edible minion print icing. Yeah, yeah. Scrape that shit off. Just scrape that fine layer off. No, leave it on. Leave it on. Top up the cream. Yep.

Cadbury Flake on top. And then just a nice outside, like buttercream icing. She'll never know. And when she's cut into it, she's not going to care. She'll be like, what's this under the buttercream icing? Sponge. Minions. Minion sponge.

Minion sponge? Ew. You know that Fletch loves minions, right? Do you love minions? I'm like an auntie, but I don't share minion memes. He's just about to. I just love minions. Just about does.

No, the minions are super cute. The minions are very good. Yes, there is. I've never seen any of the films with minions in them. They're actually very well done. I'm sure they are. The minions are pretty amazing.

Grow up, though. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. All fully boosted now, aren't we? Yes, we are.

Welcome to phase two as well. Were you just checking that nothing was in your teeth? Yeah, I was doing a little seed check. Free of the cheer. Right, how are you after your booster yesterday? Super. Super charged. But I can't stop talking like this now.

No, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Just like the most mild, tender spot on my arm. Hardly noticeable. You're good. No, I feel good. But last night I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep. So here's my thoughts.

We're nearly at the full moon and I just got the booster. The full moon? It stuffs me up. Full moon. Yeah. Booster. I mean mean draw your own conclusions Well you obviously are It's giving me insomnia

That or Because I don't feel too tired right now I'll crash later in the day But what if the booster Means I only need four hours sleep a night now Oh my god Imagine a little injection that would give you that I'd have it Coaster means I only need four hours sleep a night now. Oh, my God. Imagine a little injection that would give you that. I'd have it.

Imagine everything you'd get done in the day if you only needed four hours. I'd write a novel. Would you, though, you say this? I wouldn't. It would eradicate the need for methamphetamine. He read everybody up and at him. Coming up on the show, the top six. New Zealand has lost out. Yeah, to bloody Indonesia.

What was the list of the most beautiful countries? It was, yeah. New Zealand was ranked second in the most beautiful country in the world. Second to Indonesia. Which is Bali, right? Yeah. Yeah, Bali's in Indonesia. All the islands.

But there's plenty more to Indonesia. It is. It is. Like the photos they'll put up I'm like okay stop rubbing it in my face. It's got beautiful spots doesn't it? How are they doing COVID wise? I'd quite like to go. Ravaged economically but I don't know about like case numbers and stuff.

Haven't had tourists for you know 18 months have they? Yeah. Alright well the top 6 dealing with our loss to Indonesia. The actual top six reasons we're better than Indonesia? Yeah. Just to make us feel good. We don't take losing well. I mean, second is at losing.

There's literally 193 countries below us. But still, I'm not having it. Add to cart returns this morning at 8 o'clock. A few chances to win. Whose card is it? Whose card is it today? Mine. That's mine.

Oh my gosh, I just saw what's in it. Can you stop peeking? Oh my god. Can you stop peeking? Yeah, it's a good prize first up at 8 o'clock, I'll tell you that much. How did you fit that in the budget? Well, other things had to be a bit cheaper. Yeah, so 8 o'clock. I'll tell you that much. How did you fit that in the budget? Well, other things had to be

a bit cheaper. So 8 o'clock's going to be great and then 11, 2 and 4 are going to be a box of tissues and a pair of sips and a bag of chips. Next on the show. Well, yesterday was Valentine's Day, the day of romance and I'm sure we all went home and absolutely got down with our bad selves.

But I've got the six positions. Literally just my bad self. With my bad self. The six positions to avoid because they're a bit dangerous. 609 AM. I'm going to try to navigate this article as best I can. I had the list of

the most dangerous sex appositions to avoid. It was Valentine's Day yesterday. The one day of the year everyone had to make love. It's the law. To their partner. It is the law. We're in a relationship. Some dangerous positions here.

We'll start with the obvious ones. Standing positions. Now, can I ask, is this list from overseas or is this like one of those ACC lists? So some dangerous positions here. We'll start with the obvious ones, standing positions. Now, can I ask, is this list from overseas or is this like one of those ACC lists? Nah, because Kiwis just lie about how they hurt themselves doing sex stuff. This is a sex consultant who works at Uber Kinky. What's Uber Kinky? That's where they come and pick you up in the car and then... Ravish your brains.

I believe it's from the UK, the sun. They spoke to the sun. That's the UK. So standing positions, of course, it takes an incredible level of strength for the... Giver? Yeah.

The giver has to be incredibly strong. The giver, like... You know the... Can we say the G word here? I'm trying to make this not purely hero. Hero sexual. Ah, okay. But yeah, a lot of strength.

Why wouldn't the standing position? It doesn't always involve someone being lifted. Yeah. They say a lot of flexibility, a lot of strength. So is that the most popular injury? The most dangerous. That's the most dangerous. No, no, no, no. I'm going popular injury? The most dangerous. No, I'm going from least dangerous to most dangerous. The next one is, some of these

I've had to Google and I don't know what the work computer is going to register. You can skip over the hard ones. Okay, well we'll go the helicopter. Never skip over the hard ones. We'll go the helicopter. You know this one? The person on top does a little swivel around. They spin around! Yep, spin around. Wait, so The person on top does a little swivel around. They spin around. Yeah, spin around.

Wait, so the person on top. For a start, what do you do? How do you get your legs up? Oh, you're going to fall off and hit your head on the bedside table. So you'd have to sort of hold your own legs up, and then the other person would be like. Spins you around. See, I wouldn't call that a helicopter.

Spinning you around. I'd call that the kebab rack. I'd call that the lazy Susan. Yeah, the lazy Susan. Yes, bit of a lazy Susan. Yes. May result in loss of balance. Might make you feel quite queasy. Well, that's the thing. You fall call that the lazy Susan. Yeah, the lazy Susan. Yes, bit of a lazy Susan. Yes. May result in loss of balance. Might make you feel quite queasy.

Well, that's the thing. You fall off and hit your head. You can't spin it. You're like a lazy Susan when you first sit down at the table. You've got to give it a few rounds, but this would just be one out of it. Yeah, and also with such a full-on sort of rotation there, you do risk the result of penis fracture. Fracture is not a good word in the bedroom.

Maybe you have to do a little half turn so the chilli sauce gets back to you. More of a swivel. Yeah. More of a swivel than a spin. Maybe go halfway and then halfway back. Maybe go do the full 360 rotation. Maybe two 180s. Two 180s.

Two 180s. The next one is the wheelbarrow. A classic. Okay. I'll show you the photo. You know the wheelbarrow? Yeah, that would just, if you didn't have the arm strength, I'd say, yeah, for the head of the barrow,

you'd probably carpet burn on the hands as well. Yeah, you'd have to have upper body strength to be doing that. A lot of shoulder strength there. What do they say is bad about that one? Smash the face, fall over, like just, yeah. Unless both partners have exceptional

upper body strength, give this one a miss. Yeah, I feel like that's for F45 couples. Yeah, the arms will be quivering in no time,

not in a good way. Then the mermaid, which again, I had to Google. This one doesn't look so bad. What do we got going on here? You realise you're Googling all of these on the work? That's big in the nip, this cartoon.

Quite dark in the nip. Quite a biscuit on there. Bit of a result. So the mermaid. I don't think you can explain that one. I can't explain that one. Let's just leave that. Why is that called the mermaid?

Because they're fitted together and she looks like she's on a rock. Indeed. And the most dangerous one, and I feel like this one goes without saying, handstand. Got a diagram for that? For couples who treat sex as a competitive sport, handstand positions are possible but present a number of risks. So, yeah, losing balance, fall over, dizziness,

even fainting. F45. Due to the rush of blood to the head. Yeah. Why weren't you at the bloody 6am F45 session this morning, Steve? We tried the handstand. It wasn't for us. Nah.

Fell into the mirror. Missionary is best. Yes, it is. It is. It's a timeless classic. It is far superior and far less dangerous. The result of penis fracture, might I bring up that sentence again, is far less. Fantastic.

Well, from that sexy topic to another sexy topic next on the agenda. $6.50 lettuces. Keep talking. Jesus. That'd fracture your penis, wouldn't it? And your wallet. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce

Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce Lettuce stats, New Zealand. Now, our fruit price is up 2.7. Vegetable prices, and this is what you probably have noticed, have gone up 5.9%. Higher prices for broccoli, lettuce, apples, strawberries, and kiwi fruit. I mean strawberries. You know, it's a

bougie fruit. You're saying that's a... That's not an essential. Right, so yeah. So tomatoes, for example, the average price of one kg of tomatoes in January, $7.29. Jesus Christ. For a kg. Compare that to January 21, a year ago, they were $2.94. It is outrageous.

Why? Because we grow our own toms, don't we? Here in, especially in yeah. Especially in summer. Apparently the costs are just skyrocketing for growers. Yeah, everything's more expensive. Everything's more expensive.

Those things are indicators for inflation as well, right? So they mark them again. So inflation will be like up quite considerably. Well, yeah, it is up, isn't it? Yeah. Well, if you think

that's bad for toms, kind of weaned at the social media desk has alluded us to what can only be described as criminal. Was it your flatmate that saw this? Yes. What was it?

She was perusing the fruit and veg section at our local supermarket and discovered that plastic-wrapped lettuces Iceberg! Yeah. Lettuces were $6. Yeah. Lettuces. Were $6.50.

For what? They're nutritionally void of anything. It's just water. Green water in a leaf shape. Green water in leaf form. And it's iceberg, so the core of it is so white and crunchy, it's inedible. In this picture you've sent us, you could put this in your hand. The part of your hand is little.

Very petite. $6.50. And you know you always have to take the first layer off. You do. You always have to ditch it. Even those plastic bag wrapped ones. It's in the trash. Oh, yeah.

There'll always be a little bit of dirt or sometimes a slug too. Yeah. And then you've got to do two more layers. You're paying nearly $7 for the core of a lettuce, basically. I'd hate to know what the price of arugula is. What's arugula? Like rocket. You know?

Peppery. Oh, yeah. No, that's the superior lettuce. Right. No, it's not superior lettuce. Superior lettuce is fancy lettuce. Oh, my God. Yeah, fancy, frilly ones that you buy and it's still got its roots.

Frilly. Oh, no, no, no. And then you can pop the roots in the garden and it'll grow you some more lettuce. Yeah, I know. What's that lettuce you can get? Is it romaine you can pop the roots in the garden and it'll grow you some more lettuce. Yeah, I know. What's that lettuce you can get? Is it romaine that you can grill? Gorgeous. And you cut it in half and you olive oil it and you slam it face down.

Oh my God. You put it in a sazer. Yeah, you can grill it. But most other lettuces don't stand up to any sort of heat. They just turn into a floppy leaf. I like me a spinach. You've got to get some dark leafy green. That's where the nutrients at. Yeah. I like me a spinach. You've got to get some dark leafy green. That's where the nutrients at.

Yeah. I'm not a kale guy. I tried to be. I try. I do try. It's very gnarly, isn't it? It's like gnarly.

I will say, I did groceries the other day and I hate, the bill began with a three and we were a household of two. Jesus. We did buy some nappies.

Who's talking? Siri is absolutely going crazy. Siri, you're not part of this conversation. You're not paying for lettuce. But we did buy some nappy sand. That's expensive. I hate the shops where you're like, oh, we do need nappy sand.

Toothpaste. Those dishwasher tablets. Yeah, and then you've added like $100 to the bill. My toothbrush is looking a little shady. Some beeswax wraps. Yeah. About $40. It just blows out.

Absolutely. Four bottles of wine in there. Just use Glad Wrap. Oh, my God. It's like $2. Oh, sure. Yeah, why don't you just pop it. And when you're finished with it, why don't you just... Let the earth burn. Pop it, and when you're finished with it,

why don't you just screw it up and pop it into a dolphin's blowhole? Well, yeah, do a finger into the hole at the top, and then it fills up after, like... You're cancelled. If you're still using Glad Wrap, you are absolutely cancelled. I just put in a brand new roll the other day. Fletch! No, I had a...

Remember, I had a beeswax. You weren't here, but I had a beeswax. I reheated some soup, and it all melted into the soup. Put it in the microwave like some sort of boron. Yeah, well, invent a beeswax cover that I can reheat my soup with. You take it off. And then I'll stop killing dolphins. You put a paper towel on top.

You put a paper towel over your beeswax. Oh, so you're all right with killing dolphins. I wouldn't even put Gladwrap in the microwave. So you don't want to kill dolphins, but you'll deforest the world. No, I use the eco-friendly recycled paper towels. And I use beeswax wraps. And they're $40 for three. And that's why that combined with four bottles of wine,

my bill was over $300. Right. Next on the show, the top six. Yeah, the top six reasons are we're better than Indonesia, even though they beat us in the most beautiful country rankings. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Oh, hey. The world's most naturally beautiful country has been named,

and it is Indonesia. How many islands? Isn't it like 100 or 1,000 islands? I was just reading about Indonesia. How many islands? Isn't it like 100 or 1,000 islands? I was just reading about Indonesia. It has 17,000 islands. Oh, wow. Okay. A little bit off.

100,000. I knew it was a lot. Yeah. It is the world's largest island country and the 14th largest country by area. 270 million population. It is beautiful. I mean, a lot of us have been to Bali

and some of the surrounding islands. It's beautiful. But it goes all the way down. It's one half of Papua New Guinea. Yeah. Stretches all the way

down there and then at the other end, you know, that end of Indonesia was affected by the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami because it's like right underneath Thailand.

A lot of volcanoes as well, a lot of eruptions. Yeah. Remember? Well, that's what it was ranked on. Analyzing the number of natural features like volcanoes, coral reefs, tropical forests,

and glaciers per 100,000 square kilometres, money.co.uk ground Indonesia as the world's most beautiful country in New Zealand coming second, followed by Colombia, Tanzania, Mexico and Kenya. Now that's a list of countries I'd like to go to. Yeah. Just for a

look. I'd love to do Kenya, safari and walk. Yeah. Lovely simple flag, Indonesia. Red and white. Okay. Half and half. Is that how you judge a country? I love it. Keep it simple. I love a simple flag too. You can't go too overboard.

Brazil's... I'm a bit frilly willy. How do you sit down as a four-year-old and draw Brazil's flag? Not happening. Were you a Red Peak fan? Were you pro-Red Peak? I was pro-Red Peak. I was like moments away from buying a flag and hanging it out my window.

I've got one. I've still got it at Red Peak. It hangs proudly in the garage. I wasn't a Lockwood fan. Was it Lockwood? Was that the John Key Wheat Bits one? Ken Lockwood's? It looked like a sanitarium logo. It looked like a sanitarium logo. Yeah, hideous.

Red Peak for life. I've seen a couple of those flying around. It was a good flag. It would have been a great flag. Red Peak, easy to draw. Four-year-olds could have drawn it. That's how you measure a good flag. Oh, well. R.I.P. Anyway, we've got sidetracked by flags again. Yeah, we can't afford another bloody referendum, can we?

Not at the moment. So, yeah, we lost. Just lost to Indonesia. So I've got the top six reasons we're actually better than Indonesia. Okay. Number six. Did they film Lord of the Rings in Indonesia? No.

No, they didn't. Did you see the trailer for the... Yes, the Rings of Power. Yes. Did you see your friend in it? No no they didn't did you see the trailer for the yes the rings of power yes did you see your friend in it no he didn't i was looking out for him it was maybe more of a minor role he can't tell me anything he won't tell me your friends in it my friend is like actually in it yeah he's in the cast he's off to london yesterday but he anybody hasn't told you anything nothing i'll see if he was actually a close friend, he'd tell you. Do you know what?

I can't keep a secret. I'd be like, I play this character and it dies. Yeah. Did you see previously discussed sexy guy in the trailer? I did, yes. He's an elf and someone shoots an arrow and he catches it and then reshoots it. I was just like, eh.

It does look good. It does look good. We've got to wait until September, though. Boo for waiting. Number five on the list of the top six reasons we're better than Indonesia. Is someone from Indonesia currently dating Rita Ora? No, they're not. No.

Also, did Taika Waititi come back and manage the isolation for all that time and then stay two days and then go to the Super Bowl? He was at the Super Bowl, wasn't he? Yeah, because he posted on a story yesterday at the Super Bowl and I was like, wasn't he in MIQ last week? Gosh. Yeah, I don't know. But yeah, he's been all

around the place. Red Aura was in Australia, so I'm told I don't keep up with their day-to-days. You hardly follow her at all, do you? It's confusing to work out exactly where she is because she's pre-recorded one of those singing shows in the UK. She has. Number four on the list of the top six reasons we're better than Indonesia.

Name Indonesia's most famous sports team. Can't do it. Exactly. The Indonesian Bears. The cute little rugby bears. Bali Bears. The Bali Bears. The cute little rugby bears. Bali bears. The Bali bears. That's a cute little...

But it'd be Bali B-E-E-R-S. Yeah. The bintangs. The bintangs. What is their... They've only ever won 37 medals at the Olympics, Indonesia. Too bad. What for?

I'm pretty sure Lisa Carrington's won 36 just on her own. Exactly. Number three on the list of the top six reasons we're actually better than Indonesia. Are their lettuces so good they can charge $6.50? Ours are fresh? No, they can't. No, they can't. We've got lettuces so good, $6.50 is the price.

We'll happily pay it. Number two on the list of the top six reasons we're better than Indonesia after they beat us in the most beautiful country in the world rankings. They have 700 local languages. Can you imagine the subtitle options?

Scrolling down. What a nightmare. 700. Yeah. We've got thousands of islands. Gosh. Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six reasons we're better than Indonesia.

It's not like they've got barley or anything. They do. They do. They do have barley. What's our barley? The Coromandel. Oh. Yeah.

Maybe. Our barley, it's not the Mount because the Mount's our Gold Coast. Yeah. Also, how much do we charge for a massage? Oh, too much. Way too much. Far, far too much. That is today's top six.

There's a reason why mosquitoes are more attracted to others. Because I hardly... And some not. I never get bitten. Yeah, hardly ever. I do. I do have something on the back. It could be a flea,

but I feel like it also could be a little bit. I'd rather a mosquito because that doesn't tell me that I'm grim and gross. I'm not grim and gross. I'm a cat owner. Lay with dogs. I don't lay with dogs.

Lay with dogs. Sleep with dogs. Lay with fleas. What's that saying? Hit me with that saying. I've never heard that saying in my Sleep with dogs. Lay with fleas. What's that saying? Hit me with that saying. I've never heard that saying in my life. I've got some fleas. I've got some fleas.

Why don't you put the little thing on the back of its neck? The little squirty stuff. The flea stuff. Yeah, we do. We've squirted on fleas. Oh, okay. It's in work in progress. So it could be a spider then.

Could be a spider. Why don't you show us? They that sleep with dogs shall rise with fleas. Is that a religious thing? Yeah, it's a biblical one. I'll be embarrassed if it's a pimple. That's why I didn't know it. Oh no, it's not. No, no, it's just in a play. Oh no, that looks like a bite. Have a look at

that, Vaughn. Can you look at it closer? I'll have a little look here. See, it's quite raised and puffy. Oh, I don't know. Around here. I don't know if that's a... It definitely looks like it could be a spider bite. It's been there for a couple of days. Yeah, it's got like a little... It does, you can see. It's not a pimple though, is it?

Nah. Is it a spider bite? Is it a two point? There's another one beside it too. Yeah. Are you sure it's not a mole? I think you've been bitten by something. No, it's not.

There's two things and there's each of them. It's not a head. You know you have to talk into the microphone, eh? I'm not talking to them. I'm talking to her. He's talking to me about my bite. I've got two bites on the back of my neck. Well, there won't be mosquitoes because mosquitoes don't like me.

Okay. I was always told it's because I've got mixed race. That's the craziest thing I have ever heard. I don't know who told me this when I was young. It was like, because you're part Maori and part white. And mosquitoes are racist. You're a one-stop smorgasbord for a bit of everything. No, I was talking. It was like, because you're part Maori and part white. And mosquitoes are racist. You're a one-stop smorgasbord for a bit of everything. No, it was something about the mix of the blood.

No, that sounds racist. That sounds really racist. That sounds like how white people tried to scare their children off from marrying Maori people. Or you don't want to have children with mixed race. The mosquitoes will move. The blood gets all sour. The mosquitoes just love it.

I've read so many theories about they smell you. It's about the amount of carbon dioxide that you emit. Sometimes if you're overweight or pregnant, they like you even more. But apparently they prefer biting humans that are just simply wearing red,

orange or black. Well, you're wearing black right now. I thought it was yellow. Like a sunflower. No, that's bees. The bees like yellow. They're just drawn to the colour. There's something about the colour that they love.

Nothing to do with any of your odour or skin. I'm sure there's plenty to do with it. But this study is saying it's simply the colour that you're wearing, whether or not you attract them. Huh. Well, I'll be darned. Who's wearing orange these days?

Is that a colour we're wearing? Could road workers get more mozzie bites maybe? Could be. A high-vis. That's actually a good point. Well, if you're a high-vis wearing worker, make sure you've got your insect repellent on because apparently you're going to get eaten alive.

Elon Musk has said the fun place are behind Tesla having a recall. Vehicles from 2020 to 2022. Model S, Model X, Model Y and certain 2017 to 2022 Model 3. So a bunch of certain 2017 to 2022 Model 3. So a bunch of Teslas have had to be.

I'm so devastated. I took up, but it sounded like I was crying. Over 500,000 of them. Is this just in America? Yes. Okay. Because they can have a programmable horn. Farts. I remember this. You've seen the farts horn. a programmable horn. Farts.

I remember this. You've seen the farts horn, goat's horn, snakes going, and saxophones. I feel like the snakes would be very ineffective. I'm heavy on the horn myself. I'd want a traditional horn, I think. Yeah, imagine if you're like, hey, get out of here. Or it's like, farts.

Yeah, it's hard to road rage when you've got farts as your horn. Yeah, so they have to recall them to get rid of them because according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Association, they do not fit the bill for what is a warning device as a horn. Yeah, right. I use my horn for everything. Beep, what are you doing? Beep, beep, cheers.

Yeah, yeah. Beep, beep. Cheers. Yeah. Beep. Time to go. Yeah. Or just a little like, hey, the light's gone green. Yeah. When you're feeling in a good mood. Which isn't a rude toot.

No, it's just like a, hey. Hey. Could you YouTuber the Tesla horn? The Tesla fart? You've heard of fart? Yeah, but I want to know what, I don't know what kind of fart they're using. Is it wet? Is it dry?

Is it front? Is it dry? Is it front? Is it back? It was like... A classic. Comedy fart. What is up, everybody? Oh, we don't want to hear all your... Hey, internet.

But you also have a lot of other things. And you can use five... The new feature is not... Yeah, this is the problem. When they monetize video by minutes, when they said to monetize a video, it has to be at least four minutes. Yeah.

We're getting a lot of fill on our videos. A lot of fluff. So these guys are going to turn it at shoppers. Why then? Oh, my God. We'll waste, waste of time. You turn it down This is one of the next

Here we go She didn't look at it No You can't hear it from the inside Waste of time It was riveting content I'm gonna report this video Report it

I'm gonna report this video Reason is so boring Too long Too long Too much gap. You couldn't hear the horn properly. I didn't like the look in one of the guy's eyes. You know when there's a duo on YouTube,

one of them always just looks like, you know, in five years, we're going to be reading about the thing he did. He did a thing. And you're like, I knew he did a thing. I could see it in his eyes. He was going to do a thing.

But yeah, so they've had to recall all of those Teslas. Right. But not in New Zealand? Nah. Why are you so concerned? Where's your Tesla parked up? I don't have one, but I feel like this is quite fun. I love a Tesla.

I see them driving around all the time. I'd love to have a little hoon in one. Yeah. I've never even been in one. I got an Uber once. I got an Uber X once. It was a Tesla. Uber Comfort, sorry. And it was a

Tesla and it was the ones with the Lamborghini doors that opened to the side. And he was very pleased with himself. He was like, do you want to see me go from zero to 50 in seconds? And then the light went green and he just put his foot down. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. It was this very week, 20 years ago, that an iconic song was released. 20 years ago, 2002, it was my last year of intermediate. Me too. Aren't you 40 this weekend? Correct. I was dumb. You were held back quite a few years.

Wow. I was older than the teacher teacher I don't get it I don't get it Please just go to college Nah, not till I get this right They were just keeping you there for the rugby team, weren't they? Yeah, and I wasn't even very good at that Rolling Stone called this song

It said the first few seconds of the song make it arguably the most easily identifiable first three seconds of a song in the last two decades and quite possibly the most instantaneously recognisable piano riff ever. Piano riff? Do you know what song it is now? Play me the song, yeah. No, not 20 years ago. That would have been like 80 years ago. No, Do you know what song it is now? Play me the song, y'all. No, not 20 years ago. That would have been like 80 years ago.

No, I do know what the song is. Fa la la la la la la la. Am I right? Fa la la la la la la la. Oh, I was off. Key was wrong, but. Fa la la la la la la. You'd be able to play this. Absolutely. As a pianist

in this generation, everyone was like, can you play Fa la la la la la? I was like, yeah, I can play Bach as well. Don't be too good for yourself. Don't pop music me. I'm a classical lady. It's a good song. But if you were drunk, would you play it for people? Every single

party. Without fail, people would say, play this. Yeah, this and the Amelie soundtrack. Every party. Without fail, people would say, play this. Yeah, this and the Amelie soundtrack. Every party. Amelie soundtrack? Don't worry about it. I went to drama school. Yeah, I don't know what that is. Crank it. Into the

sky. She's on the back of a 20, isn't she? Back of a thing playing piano? Yeah, yeah. Didn't make it to number one in New Zealand. It was number four. Oh, what was ahead of it? I can't find out, but if you kind of... I'm guessing it was released today and might have taken a few weeks or months

to actually get to the top ten in New Zealand, but... I watched, you know, Architectural Digest? Oh, complicated, complicated. Oh, you can't beat it. Complicated by Avril Lavigne. No, it says that it got to number two in New Zealand. Oh, really? Oh, no, that's the whole year. That's the official... Oh, right, complicated. Oh, you can't beat it. Complicated by Avril Lavigne. Oh, boy, yeah. No, it says that it got to number two in New Zealand. Oh, really? Oh, no, that's the whole year.

That's the official. Oh, right. Yeah. Okay. When it came out, it was number four. When it came out, only got to number four. Number one in the US. Top 10 in most countries, though?

I watched Architectural Digest, where they go into celebrities' houses. And Vanessa Carlton's house was so nice. And she's done nothing other than this song. Literally, she's had one hit. Yeah. This song. I think she had an album, but no one gave a toss. No one gave.

Yeah. When I think of this, I think of, who's that actor? And he sung it in the- Terry Crews. Terry Crews and White Girls. We spoke to Terry Crews and- Sung it with him. And sung it with him.

Oh, it was so iconic. It's iconic. Yeah. Almost more iconic than the actual song. Well, she lost out. She was nominated for three Grammys for this song. Lost out to Nora Jones. Oh, well, that's fair enough.

Oh, my God. No, Nora Jones. Nora Jones is a treat. Nora Jones. Take it back. I will not. Why don't you sit on your porch with a glass of red wine listening to Nora Jones?

I absolutely will. Maybe I'll put it on when I'm up earlier than the rest of the family and the sun's just coming up over the horizon for a sunrise. I'm looking outside just reflecting on life. It's the perfect time for a Nora. Oh my god. I always listen to Nora Jones on the plane. Like if I'm on a plane and I'll be going through the gooey.

Why? Because you're hoping the plane will go down? No. It's just very relaxing. Well I thought just to make us all feel very old, this song released 20 years ago. We should play A Thousand Miles. Yes, through and through. Can I run you through top to tail?

The top 10 songs for 2002. This is in New Zealand. 10, Amazing by Alex Lloyd. You're amazing. We're amazing. We're amazing things. DJ Sammy's Boys of Summer was nine.

Yeah. Incubus, Are You In? Oh, wow. Number seven was The Calling, Wherever You Will Go. Bik Runga, Get Some Sleep in at number six. Gotta Get Back. Shakita, Whenever, Wherever at number five. Absolutely jam.

Eminem, Without Me, yeah. Good on your back. Shakira, Whenever, Wherever at number five. Absolutely jam. Eminem, Without Me, four. Liberty X, Just a Little was number three for the whole year. Number two was A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton. And number one was a complicated way of a little event. Hang on, I'm writing down my next flashback Friday is Liberty X. It's been done. Where a little get hot, is it? I think we've already done it.

It's been done. Well, get hot. Is it? I think we've already done it. It's been done. Well, it's 20 years old this week. Vanessa Carlton, A Thousand Miles. Get your white chicks on. JM. White chicks. ZM. ZM. I'm bound.

There in black we have. Just making my way. Making my way. Through the crowd. And I need you. And I miss you. And now I wonder if I could fall into

the sky do you think time would pass me by cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight

tonight Just seeing you tonight There's always times like these when I think of you And I wonder if you ever think of me Is everything so wrong and I don't belong Living in your precious memory Cause I need you And I miss you And now I wonder If I could fall into the sky

Do you think time would pass me by Fall into the sky Dear sweet sun Come pass me by Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles If I could just see you Tonight I don't wanna let you know I don't remember I don't wanna let this go I don't wanna love this guy, I don't

Making my way downtown, walking fast Faces pass and I'm homebound Staring back to your head, just making my way Making my way through the crowd And I still need you, I still miss you And now I wonder If I could fall into the sky Do you think time would pass us by? Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you.

I could fall into the sky. Do you think time won't tell me bye Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles I'm just sleeping If I could not hold you It's Vanessa Carlton, A Thousand Miles. Tonight A throwback this morning because this very week,

20 years ago, that song came out, was released. Absolute classic. Absolute classic. Ah, yes. Good stuff. And then she just went about her life for the next 20 years, having to do absolutely nothing. Why do you think she did absolutely nothing?

That's a dream, right? She did nothing. She bought mansions. She renov nothing. She bought mansions. She renovated. She went on holidays. Good for her. Yeah. All right.

Today. I reckon, I don't reckon she'd have to skimp on the carbs either. I'll say it. She looks like the sort of person that couldn't put on weight. I hate those people. Imagine having the money to buy whatever carbs you want and you can eat whatever you want. Yeah. No, no, no lifetime on the,

moment on the lips, lifetime on the hips for her. Straight through, straight through. Damn it. Takes a big dump every morning and a healthy fibrous gum. A huge dump every morning. Don't hate on Vanessa Carlton.

She's done nothing to you. I'm not, I'm not. I'm jealous of her ability to eat breads, cakes, pastries, and then one big dump and she's done. And it's all gone. It's all out. Nothing sticks.

Tonight at 11.59, New Zealand moves into Phase 2. Daylight savings. No, Phase 2, which is called the transition stage of our Omicron fight. Is it? It's a step up, right? It's worse. Well, it means like if you read between the lines, you're more on your own here.

It's good luck. Good luck out there. We'll see you on the other side. Yeah. Because it basically means that with the increased numbers, over 1,000 a day, that the tracking and stuff can't keep up. The contact tracing, yeah. They're not going to be able to call around and say, where were you?

You were getting a brioche at 7.30 a.m. on a Tuesday. I'm thinking about it. That's where Vanessa Carlton would have been. So in phase two, rapid antigen testing, which they're calling RATS, they'll be used more widely. They give you the instant, you know, indication. Pregnancy test lines. Basically, yeah.

Not to be confused. Also shorter isolation times and digital communications with close contacts or contacts comes into play. How does the rat test work? You spit on it? I think it's a swab and then you rub it on the thing, don't you? It's in the nose, but you don't have to hit the brain. I believe that you can just spook around the nosy.

Isolation periods for cases are reduced. I think it's pronounced nosy. Is it nosy? Yeah, you rub it around. I'm trying to give out important information. Can you please stop being juvenile? I'm sick of hearing about it. I keep derailing you.

Isolation periods for cases are reduced to 10 days. Oh, no, that's bullshit. That's bullshit. Why? I wanted to get it when it was a month. I wanted a month at home without having to come to work. I wanted a month at home to play Farming Simulator 2022. 10 days is still good.

That's not enough. At the end of your 10 days, you can just say, I'm a bit scratchy still. You get more coming home from overseas. Look, you get enough days off, you're fine I want more You're fine Well yeah, pretty much on your own

And yesterday, a bit of a scare in the press gallery Before the Prime Minister's conference Or her announcements I've got little birdies everywhere What's the scoop? Here's the scoop They were learning how to give themselves rapid antigen tests. This is all the people that ask the prime minister questions.

Yeah, because they're in the same room as the prime minister and anybody that speaks at a press conference. They're in vicinity of them. They move in the same halls and stuff. So they need to be constantly testing so as to not spread it amongst the politicians. And they were learning how to do it. And one of them's like, oh, yeah, so up the snussy around.

And we wipe it on here. What does two lines mean? And they're like, beg your pardon? He's like, I've got two lines. Oh, my God. Oh, shit. So everybody, that was why there was no press. Imagine how quickly everyone around him would just go to the wall.

There were press asking questions, but they'd been scaled back a couple of rows and only a couple of people were asking questions. Yeah, they were the ones that weren't at that session of how to do the rats. Good stuff. Well, yeah. Yesterday wasn't over 1,000, eh? We were 900?

Close, knocking. Very close. Today was the thousand dollar day And a step closer to who's getting it first Who's getting it first? We're still going Vaughn, right? Because of the kids Yeah, we think we're because of the kids

Yeah But you went to the You've been back at the gym You've been to the gym We've both been at the We've been at the gym every day The riddled gym Oh man, and I have not been wiping my equipment

You're Sorry? You can't catch it from that anyway. I heard. Yeah, that's what I heard too. Wiping? Speaking of which, yesterday... Please.

It was Valentine's Day yesterday. If you gave it a wipe, what's a wipe between friends? This could not be the segue into the next segment. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. My cart today and the first item, I tell you what, this is a must win. I gasped. It's worth a lot of money. I gasped as I opened the envelope and had a little peeky poo.

It's ridiculous. And I don't actually know how you made it fit into the budget. If you've still got three more items. I just made it work. After this. So 8 o'clock, the first item in my etiquette today. Unbeatable. Update.

It's update time. About my... Your laser. Patsy just messaged me. What's she going to say? Be careful. All right. This is your laser. Patsy just messaged me. What's she going to say? Be careful. Alright. This is your mum. Yesterday I had my second laser appointment following up on the last laser appointment that I told you all about

where the therapist forgot my back end when she was doing all of the front. Yeah. And that since has become quite a viral sensation online. Yeah, yeah. I've seen I think by around about a quarter of a million people at this point. Yeah. Who could relate. Who could relate absolutely to the point where you, relate to the moment where you have to ask.

You know something becomes a cultural beacon when there's fan art, and there was fan art. Yeah, fan art. Scurrying away like a rabbit, except absolutely whistly, hair clean, except for that little tuft behind the eyes. Just a little tuft. Well, yesterday I'm happy to announce, I didn't have to ask. Because that was going into it, you were debating whether or not you said anything before, because

this was the issue last time, is you didn't say anything. I didn't mention it. And they just left it. And they forgot. This woman, it was no question. She just got right in there before I even had the chance to breathe. Do you think she had seen the video?

Maybe she had. She didn't mention it. She did ask how my day was and what I did. I said, I work in radio and I thought, well, if she's heard it, here it is. And she didn't say anything. And then once she'd done it, we started talking about the intimate nature because I was saying, you know, phase two,

what does it mean for you guys? And I said, you're up close and personal. She said, oh yeah, I'm up in all of your bits. And she talked about how, you know, not only up in your face, but up in your... In your bits, yeah. In all your bits. But they're wearing a mask the whole time.

How many would she see a day? Yeah, they are. Well, this is what she said to me. She said, the chances of your fanny being the worst one I've ever seen are pretty low. Did she say that to all of them? She didn't confirm where I was in the ranking. You're not top. I'm not top.

Because I feel if you were top, she would have given you an incredible compliment. She would have gone, my word. What a fabulous fanny you've got on you. It's like Leonardo da Vinci himself carved it from one piece of marble. Who carved this marble? No, she didn't tell me, but it was very reassuring. It's not the worst. Good.

That's always good to hear. Hailey Sproul, Not the worst, Fanny. But now that you're not the worst, is there part of you that wants to know, are you top or bottom 50%? I reckon towards the end. But then if you were the worst, she's not going to say anything. Do you think she'd order a glass?

If you were the worst, she wouldn't tell you about the amount she sees and how... I think she would just be like, get the job done and get out of there if it was the worst, she wouldn't tell you about the amount she sees and how. I think she would just be like, get the job done and get out of there if it was the worst. Holding her breath. Oh, yeah. Occasionally. Many things contribute to being the worst.

Anyway, happy update. Yes. Back is done. Clean as a whistle. Clean as a whistle. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. There's an article on a UK website where people have revealed what crushing things they remember people saying to them in their childhood or when they were younger. How many of these would be from grandparents about their weight?

Oh, yeah. Come on, Tubby. No, my grandparents never did that. They were enablers, weren't they? Oh, my Nana was a big enabler. You got two hands, you need two treats. That's what she used to say when you'd leave her house. You'd just pick up one.

She'd be like, well, hold on a minute. You got two hands, don't you? So you'd walk away with two big slices or two big biscuits or something. And you already had eight, ten while you were there. She was a big feeder. She had a little lolly thing. She'd get that down, be like, help yourself. That's got to be emptied because it needs to be washed.

That's what she'd say. She just loved feeding you. She was a feeder for everybody. She loved feeding everybody. So I never got that. But there are like, everybody can remember things being said to them. And it's weird because, yeah, and I can guarantee the people that said it have no recollection of saying it.

It would have been a throwaway comment, but that's how it works, isn't it? And it's kind of human nature to store the bad stuff at the back of your mind. Yeah, so you can get revenge on them. I can't remember anything too bad. Nothing that really scratched the soul, you know? Nothing that stayed with me. Right. I guess I was just perfect.

I mean, it wasn't really much to say. Yeah. Yeah. Wild, wild ego overpowered any negative comments that came your way. Yeah, I was a pretty naughty kid for a while, like a naughty, chatty teenager. And so I think a lot of passing comments, but nothing that stayed with me in a big way.

Nothing that stuck. Right. Yeah. What about you, Fletch? Nah, not that I can, nothing hurtful stayed with me in a big way. Nothing that stuck. What about you, Fletch? Nah, not that I can nothing hurtful that's said in my memory. What gentle sheltered lives. Yeah. I got called fat at the school swimming pool.

Oh, hey, were you though? Chubby. Yeah. Everybody's got a bit of puppy fat. And I was still of the age where you could say I was puppy fat. Like, I'm still trying to pull that shit. I'm 40 on Sunday and I'm still like, it's just puppy fat. Yeah. It'll go.

It was the treats in both hands, though. It was Nana. Yeah. She was enabling it. She was fueling you for swimming sports. But do you remember who said that? Yep. You remember their name?

I can remember exactly. Like, they were no bloody Slim Jim. Yeah, right. Yeah. They were like, oh. Because it was like, we were told we live in New Zealand, it's a harsh sun. We were told if we couldn't apply sunscreen to ourselves for swimming, we were best to wear a shirt.

A rash shirt. Oh, rash shirt. So everybody was, heaps of people was wearing no, heaps of people were. Oh, okay. I mean, the jacked little like 14 year old dudes for some reason were like muscly like 20-year-old guys. Yeah.

What was up with them? They had little moustaches and everything. I think their parents were testosterone in them, to be totally honest. Yeah, they had little like capped shoulders. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get some drug testing happening on the kids. Yeah.

I saw a kid in a school uniform yesterday. The dude would have been 6'8 and about 300 kgs. I'm like, I don't believe you're at school. Was he doing an alcohol sting for the local council? He might have been. That might have been his plan for the day. But yeah, they didn't wear shirts, but everybody, like, all their shy boys.

So you were wearing a rash shirt and you were, what, filling that out? Well, no, they just said, are you wearing a shirt because you're fat? And I said, what? And they said, because, you know, you're like fat. You're chubby. And you always remember.

You still remember that. I still remember it. Yeah, yeah. That's horrible. Man, I would never be a child again. Yeah, I cared about it at the time. But looking back on it now, I'm like, who cares? And that's what you've got to get.

Who cares? As you turn 40 this week and you're still talking about it. I care. I care. I care. But yeah, so look at that. Yeah. You're okay. You're okay.

You're not a fatty. I need 27 more years to go. But I was wondering if anybody else is carrying a crushing comment. I'm not carrying that. We are, so I dredged it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I can remember if anybody else is carrying a crushing comment. I'm not carrying that. We asked, so I dredged it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I can remember it. Yeah.

So what comment do you remember somebody saying to you? It still lives with you. Still lives with you, yeah, to this day. Because maybe it was just wrong and it just irked you so much. Or. It was so insulting. Yeah, or someone said something to you that was really really mean and it actually like empowered you to to beat it and be like i'll show you oh yeah what do you do you

write it down in a book don't you yeah yeah and then when you you go tick done that you go back and you kill them is that what you do you murder them yeah but the thing is they probably don't even remember saying that no 100 and it spurred you on to do something in life. And this, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, is why we need to be careful with our words. Yes. Well, 0800DARLS.M, we want to take your call. Isn't that right, Sadie? And dum-dum.

If you call and tell us what you were, like an insult or something, we'll exchange it for a compliment. Yes. In a race. An amnesty of sorts. A bad deed. All right, well, 0800 DALS at Emerson number. You can text as well.

And I'll put them on my kill list. It's 13 to 8. We want to know the comments that have still stuck with you to this day. Those horrible comments that you still remember. Liam, good morning. Hey, how's it going? Good. What was said to you?

So when the iPad sort of very first came out, I was sort of, you know, pre or mid-teens. Yep. I was playing with the difference, the camera, you know, as you do. And my granddad basically told me that the camera really brings out all the pimples on my face. Oh. Granddad. Granddad. Grandad.

Teenagers don't need to be reminded. And it always, yeah, it always bugs me. Mate. Yeah. You don't,

is Grandad still with us, Liam? What's that, sorry? Is Grandad still with us? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, well, he'll be dead soon. Oh.

Vaughan, Hayley's meant to give Liam a compliment now. Liam, I can't see you, but I imagine you have the skin of a Greek god. Close, close. See, I knew I could hear it. You can hear it in the voice, can't you? I can.

Liam, thanks. It's got a voice that I trusted, Liam. A really trustworthy voice. Sam, what was said to you that you still remember to this day? Is that me, Sam? That is you, Sam. Hi, good morning. Good morning, Sam.

Hi, I live in the Manawatu district. You can hold your jokes for that. Oh, no, we weren't joking. We didn't even... This is about being kind. It wasn't going to be a joke. I was just going to flat out slag you off. Keep on talking, you Manawatu piece of trash.

I know. Gosh. Gosh. Kill on talking, you Manawatu piece of trash. I know. Gosh. Gosh. Kill me now. No, just kidding. So in Manawatu, we have the Miss Manawatu pageants for, like, the younger girls. Oh, wow. And I was about 14, 15, and I didn't have the best confidence growing up.

And I was like, you know what? Like, this will be actually really great for me. Yeah. And not, like, you know, the pageant look to me. So I was like, I didn't tell anyone about it, but eventually all your photos come out and you get plastered all over the mall and that kind of thing. And so I didn't tell anyone and everyone found out, obviously, when my face was up on

all these posters and one of the girls from school came up to me and she's like, oh, my mum, we saw your photos in the weekend and mum said that you're the ugliest one out of the lot. Oh my god! What a bitch! Even the mum, this is an intergenerational bitch problem. The fact that the mum would say that to her daughter,

who's probably also struggling with, you know, self-esteem based on appearance. That's terrible. I know. And that still hangs with you to this day. Yeah, well, I was driving to work and I was like, oh yeah, that one got me a bit. Oh my gosh. Well, Sam, look, I can't vouch. to work and I was like, oh, yeah, that one got me a bit. Oh, my gosh.

Well, Sam, look, I can't vouch. Once again, I can't see your face. I can't vouch for whether or not you should have won the pageant. You've got him better? He's not great. I'll definitely say you weren't the ugliest. Yeah. Are you still in the Manawatu?

Sorry? Are you still in the Manawatu? Unfortunately, yes. Yeah. She's got a poise for it. No, I'm kidding. You guys always bag on Manawatu, so I'm just going with it. I don't bag on the Manawatu.

I do. And this is why you didn't. But it's only because I'm from the Waikato, and we've got that whole inland city rivalry with Tommy. Yeah. You don't have a leg to stand on, in other words. Yeah. Biggie pitch.

They've got the Brown River. We've got a river. Sam, I reckon this is why you didn't win the Manawatu pageants because you've got such a stinky attitude towards the Manawatu. You're not a great representation. No, I don't. I do the thing where I stand up for myself before people can tear me down, and I guess this is why.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're strong. Sam, thank you for sharing this morning. Keep your texts, your calls coming in. Those comments that you still remember to this day, those horrible comments. I feel we've really picked off a big scab here, eh? Some of these messages, you just don't worry about it.

We want to know from you the horrible comment that you still remember to this day. Even things like this text. I was doing a CPR first aid course and the tutor commented on how unusually short my arms were. Oh. 20 years later, it still bugs me. Whenever I have to do a refresher course or think about CPR,

I always think, are my arms long enough? Well, what if she needs to save a life one day? How long do your arms need to be? You just get closer to the chest? No, I was meaning like she'll just have this horrible memory and probably not even be able to go through with that. She'll be so deep in the memory, she would have missed the window to save them.

Yeah. Oh, well. Cherie, what was the horrible comment that you still remember to this day? Growing up, I had to choose between dancing or music. I really wanted to do dancing, but my mum turned around to me and she said, Oh, you don't really have a dancer's body, though.

Mum? Mum. What does a dancer's body look like, Mum? Why don't you tell me, Mum? Yeah. Not me, apparently. Are you still boogie? Do you boogie now, Cherie? Oh, definitely. Yeah.

Well, then, I'll be corrected if I'm wrong, Mum, but I believe she has a dancer's body. Yeah, she does. And it's a body that dances. Oh, sure. Does Mum know to this day how much that comment still stays with you?

Don't think so. Well, she does now. Thanks for your call, Cherie. Hang on, Cherie, your compliment? Oh, sorry. You have a warm, open soul. Oh, thank you. You don't even know Cherie.

I've connected with Cherie on a deep level. I did ballet as well and told her I didn't have the feet for it. So I connect with her in a warm, open soul. Cherie, thanks for your call. Shay, what was the harsh comment that lives with you still? I was about 18 years old and I was working at Pack and Save and I was signing for a delivery. And a courier driver says to me, oh, what's your name?

I said, Shay. He's like, oh, your parents didn't like you very much, did they? What? Shay, what's wrong with Shay? What's the name Shay? I don't know. Wow. Unless they really wanted a Shane.

Maybe. Maybe. But you still remember this now? Yeah, it's 18 years ago and I still remember it. Oh, my gosh. Your compliment? Shay reminds me of a shady field of hay and that's a beautiful thing. That's the least stretch.

No, really, it wouldn't dry. You need your hay to dry. Thank you, Shay. Thank you, Shay. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Hannah. Hi. Hey, Hannah, what was the harsh comment that stayed with you?

Well, my friends at the time were organising a sleepover and they went around the circle that we were sitting out on the field and they invited every single person and skipped me and everybody was invited apart from me and then I asked them, like, because you're boring. Hannah, you're not boring. Hannah, that's terrible. Oh, listen to that laugh.

That's not the laugh of someone who's boring. That's the laugh of the life of the party. Yeah. And I would like to invite you to my house for a sleepover. Hayley, we don't invite listeners. I'll give you my address. You got a pen and paper? We're not allowed to do three sentences with listeners anymore.

It's number five. Hannah, thanks for your call. Some Instagram responses. We've got a reply here from New Zealand's favourite weatherman, Matty McLean. I don't know if you wanted to do this anonymously, but I feel like we can, as a show, and by all means,

please, the listeners, I need you guys, because he said, a comment that stuck with him, a guy once broke up with him saying, you just don't wow me. And then a cry face. So I need everybody, if you're on Instagram, to go to Maddie McLean, and that's Maddie McLean NZ.

Or just search Maddie McLean. That's Maddie McLean NZ. Yep. And we'll just search Maddie McLean. It'll come up. And send him a DM and said, you wow me. Yeah. You wow me, Maddie. You wow me, babe. And then some heart eyes. Yeah.

If that's sticking with him, I don't want him like mid-weather. Feeling like he's not wowing us. Yeah. Because winter starts with W and so does wow. It does. And if you see him walking down the street, I reckon just go. Wow. Wow. You wow me. Wow. Because he's not wowing us. Because we're the stars with W and so does wow. It does. And if you see him walking down the street, I reckon just go, wow. Wow, you wow me. Wow.

Because he's looking good. He's looking good. He's looking good. Kate on Instagram said a guy once told me I have dry elbows. You've got to keep the weenus moist. There's got to be a moistened weenus so my elbows get more moisturised than anywhere else on my body now. That was quite a helpful one

then, wasn't it? Probably helped you for life there. Yeah. That comment. I had to sleep on my stomach due to sunburn and somebody said to me, that's one way

to flatten your tummy and that's always stuck with me. Unnecessary comment. It is ruthless. My first boyfriend told me I looked like a shark. Was it the fin? Do you know, I have seen someone whose face does look a lot like a shark?

It's like it wasn't quite square and flat. But would a better compliment be like, you look like the apex predator of the environment? No, I don't know if that's the word. I'd take that as a high praise. Imagine being referred to as the apex predator. Yeah. Like nothing can touch you apart from time itself.

Yeah. There was a whole family on a billboard and all of them, it looked like a family of sharks. What? I'll never forget it. A family of sharks? Yeah. Okay.

Okay, there's lots of, there's so many text messages. So many. We can't get to them all. You're all beautiful. You're all beautiful. You're all wonderful. You're lovely and screw them. We should all go out today and give a nice compliment.

Yes, that'd be good too. Yeah, that's actually good because everybody who text messaged in, if they gave somebody else a nice compliment and then, you know, it carries on, we could totally turn this big steaming shit pile of an attitude that we've had over the last couple of years around. Absolutely. Next on the show, after the news, it's add to cart. It's my cart today. All four

items I've handpicked. The first one. Can I just finish on this? When I was six, I went to see Father Christmas. He lifted me up to sit on his knee and he made a groaning sound and said, whoa, what did you have for breakfast? Now Santa, that would have been Santa just looking to fill the void and maybe

explain the groan. But see, that's stuck with a six-year-old. There's Rich coming from Santa. The most famous fat guy in the world. Well, today it's my cart. Vaughan, your cart yesterday, full of all kinds of goodies. I don't want to put words in people's mouths, but they said the best cart ever.

So you've got to watch it. I don't want to. I don't hear anybody say that. I saw some undies in there. Undies. Everybody always needs new undies. Although they used Calvin Klein's and ZM Online was like,

pack of undies. And they put Calvin Klein's. I don't wear Calvin Klein's for the record. I'm a jockey guy. Oh, okay. I'm more than happy to accept three pairs of undies or be their new poster child.

I think it's time you moved Matilda Rice on, personally. Right. You had one in there that I was like... Hot sauce. It's weird. Yeah, hot sauce. Yeah, like a pack of like a... Range of hot sauces.

Right. Well, today I've picked everything in this cart and I tell you what. First up, out the gate. Outrageous. The big dog. Vaughn, would you like to do the honours? Apple Watch Series 7.

These are expensive. I don't even have a Series 7. Mine's a sax. I lost my Apple Watch in a waterfall over summer and that night in a fit of drunken condolence, I just ticked one up. These things happen. And then I got my Apple Watch back the next day,

but now I've got a 7. So, and you'd rave about the 7, wouldn't you? Close the ring? You're always closing your rings. No, not lately because of my back. And my watch is all like, hey. Are you okay? Are you alive still?

Get up, yes. Get up and get out there, you slug. Yeah. But it does that thing where it can tell you how much oxygen you got. Do you want to know how much oxygen I got? Oh, this is honestly one of the most boring features. How does it know?

It only takes 15 seconds. I mean, what has everybody got to do? You have to stay nice and still. But why does it, how does it do this? It's on your wrist. I can't wait until I get COVID, so I can check how much I've got. You need to keep calm, Vaughn, because it's going to affect the read. How much?

Unsuccessful measurement. Oh, for God's sake. You got me too jazzed. You got me too hyped up. Apple Watch Series 7. I'm going to go again. Do well. Okay, Vaughan.

Oh, my gosh. Okay, well, you've got to stay still. Don't you have to keep your arms still? Do I sit? Sit. Put your arm on the table

and just... I reckon you're going to have 96% oxygen. Check that your watch is snug but comfortable. Yes, I would class it as snug. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

This is what you've got to look forward to, winner. Yeah. Just sitting there looking at your watch. Boring your friends with all kinds of measurements. I don't know how much oxygen's in my blood. Okay. We're four seconds away from a reading. It's entered a meditative state. Okay. And

unsuccessful measurement. Oh my God, you're dead. It's too, look how floppy your watch is. It's got to be on the top. This is snug. This is not too tight. He's not too far up. Shall I do mine? Lucky Apple aren't paying for this. It's an incredible

promo. That's the first item. Add that to the card, the Apple Watch 7. And the next item is coming up with Georgia at 11. Another one at 2 and 4. And if you're the first caller through at 5, you win everything in my cart today. Don't know how good they're going to be if you've blown your load on the old Apple Watch here.

What else can you afford with four, three other items? Still some great stuff left in the cart. Today's silly little poll. Should parents still pay for your wedding? Because what is the expectation that parents will chip in? No one's parents are paying for everything, are they? Surely not Unless they're like super wealthy, maybe And maybe if the parents are like

You can't get married there You have to get married in this expensive place And you're like, well, we can't get married there. You have to get married in this expensive place. And you're like, well, we can't afford that. Father will pay. Whose parents are actually still having a say in their kids' weddings, though? Heaps of people. Really? Yeah, rich people.

Oh, no. Rich people, right? Yeah. I'd do the same if my parents were like, oh, no, you can't do that. Well, that's a bit, no, no, no, no. I'd be like, all right then. You pay for it. Cough up.

Yeah. Well, we asked, should parents still pay for your wedding? And 82% of people said, nah. 18% said, yeah. I reckon now that people aren't getting married, you know, because people would get married because they wanted to. Do it. Do it.

Yeah. And then have a baby. We mean plan it. Yeah. And then have a baby. And by that, we mean plan a neat wedding. And then buy a house and stuff. But most people are doing that before they get married. And they get married later in life when they're all set up and they've got jobs and lives anyway. If you can't afford it, you shouldn't get married. That's true.

That's my point. Or just have a wedding to suit the budget. Yeah. You know, we've talked about potluck weddings a lot lately. Now, that would have been absolutely frowned upon once upon a time. But absolutely sounds fantastic, doesn't it? We've been to some fabulous potlucks. Oh, same.

Oof. You and your famous garlic bread. Yeah, Mr. Two Dollar Garlic Bread. Two Dollar Loaf. I would not turn up to a wedding potluck with garlic bread. If I had a potluck wedding now and you didn't turn up with garlic bread, I'd be disappointed. Mama Fialini's

cheap shitties. It is not cheap. It is far superior. You love the garlic bread. You said this was great. I even took one home and had it the next day. It's good garlic bread. It's soaked in butter and garlic. It's good garlic bread. And it was soaked in butter and garlic.

Oh, it's good garlic bread. There's a lot of butter in there. Jess said, yes, they should pay for part of it if they insist on inviting distant family members or friends that only they know and have no personal connection to me. Oh, yeah, that's good. That's a good point.

Because parents could demand a bit of a guest list. And if they are, they're paying. Yeah, totally. Absolutely. But I'd just be like no I don't want strangers at my wedding. But they wouldn't be strangers but

they'd be their friends that aren't your friends and it's your day but whatever. Dom writes if they want grandbabies they can put money towards the wedding.

What you've got there is a ransom situation. It's their fee for them constantly asking when are you having kids? Yeah. Now you're a step closer. Liana said,

why should they pay? You're a grown-ass human. Have you made your own life decision? Pay for your own shit. Now that sounds like someone who's got a kid on the, you know, on the cusp of getting married or thinking about it or starting a new life. I'm not paying for that. Yeah, this little bugger's got

very expensive taste. Yeah. Nicole said, maybe not pay, but put something towards it, like the food or alcohol, not the whole thing that's taking the piss. Yeah. Maybe cover the garlic bread. Yeah. That'll cost a whopping 20 bucks.

Yeah. For 18 million loaves of Mamma Fia Loreal-ius. Two for four dollars wrapped in tinfoil. It's good garlic bread. It's good garlic bread when you're in your 20s, you know? No. Or if you're any age. My parents' good garlic bread, but my parents have, like, middle bacon.

They're middle bacon people. And that's fine, but you're not a middle bacon person. You're a streaky bacon person. You're a high-end garlic bread guy. People have the expectations. I feel like you have given Fletch such a bad rap on this that next time you host a barbecue, he's going to be absolutely shaking his boots.

He damn well he should be. No idea what to bring. He probably won't even come. I'll bring a dolo white loaf, and I'll just margarine and garlic it, and you can have that. That would actually be pretty good. Wrap a saucy in that. Yeah, that'd be pretty good. Wrap a saucy in that.

Yeah, that'd be pretty good. That's a versatile garlic bread. Yeah. Emma said if your parents offer to contribute, don't say no. Those things are expensive. Yeah. And any help should be taken. Instead of taking on a loan to pay for it because you've got to pay interest on that. I know. Just the amount of money some

people spend on a wedding, it's mind-blowing. Or garlic bread. Well, no. That's why you get cheap garlic bread. So you've got more money for things like weddings and fun, travel. Wow. Yeah, travel. There you go. Solo travel. Why are you single again?

Oh, don't worry about it. Because of my garlic bread. Probably. It probably is. You have people over and you're like, I'm really feeling a connection to this person. They open your fridge and they're like, Mama Fioralis.

Slam. See you later. Wow. This person is not the sort of person I can see myself settling down with. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Yesterday at the gym while I was trying to avoid Omicron, not going to be me first. Yeah, no, we've decided it's Vaughan.

I'm at 100% oxygenation, by the way, if you were listening before my watch finally did it, so I'm definitely on. I'm at 98% oxygenation. No, but you said it before that. I'm 100% as well because we're an absolute fit. Yeah, we're beasts. The vision of health.

We're oxygen users. But Fletch, you actually had 95. No, overnight I went down to 90. Am I dying? Jeepers, creepers, probably. Overnight you went down to 90. Do I need to have sparkling water? You went to 90.

That and the fact that your heart hardly beats at night. Are you a lizard? I don't know, maybe. Do you have to lie on a hot rock to digest? And I ate flies. Yeah. Well, that explains your shit taste in garlic bread. Oh my god. Drop it.

There will be a lawsuit from that company if you keep this up. Mama Fiori. Is that even what it's called? I just know it's a green. It's white green and green. Fiori or something. Garlic bread in Z. Just google cheapest garlic bread in this. Yeah, it's Mama Fiorelli or something. Hang on. Fiorelli?

Garlic bread in Z. Just Google cheapest garlic bread in Z. Oh, here it is. Yeah. Am I right? It is Mama Fiorelli. Fiorelli, I told you. Well, that would be issuing you a cease and desist

because it is great garlic bread. No, I said that it's alright garlic bread for like boomers. Also bring up. People without the budget but I'm just saying you do alright for yourself. You shouldn't be bringing that to a potluck.

Can I? So, oh no, that's a two pack. Yeah, it's cheap as. It's $2. It's $2.60. It is the equivalent of $1 white love garlic bread.

I was just going to say we've been doing him a disservice. It's actually $5.30 but no, that's for two. That's for a pack of two. Yeah, and I brought like six. I spent just going to say we've been doing him a disservice. It's actually $5.30 but no, that's for two. That's for a pack of two. And I brought like six. I spent a lot of money. Moving along. You were at the gym yesterday.

So I was at the gym yesterday and I witnessed what I think is an etiquette breach in conversation. Now, if somebody says to you in passing, Hey mate, how are you? Hey mate, how are you? Good thanks, how are you? Yeah, that's what you say. That's the right answer, right? I'm alright. How are you?

I'm alright, you? Well, this guy hits him back with a, oh, actually not great. Oh, no, no, no. And then just goes into this big, and I didn't listen. Were they like chums? Were they pals? I didn't get the feeling they were close. I mean, they were strangers

to me, so I don't know if they go back a long way, but I didn't get the feeling they were close. I mean, they were strangers to me, so I don't know if they go back a long way, but I didn't get the feeling they were close. Don't people know that how are you is not a question? It's not a real question. It's not a real question. It's rhetorical. I couldn't give a toss. But also, I think you're both hitting the nail on the head

of why there is an issue with mental health, particularly in males in this country. I know. How are you? I don't want to know, but, you know, token ask. Good, thanks. How are you? Don't want to know, token ask. That's for your good friends not at a gym

setting and passing. Wow. So he goes into this, like why he's not okay, and then the guy was like, oh, that's terrible to hear, and then just kind of walked off. So I was like... That's terrible to hear. It was something like that, and I didn't listen to what the guy said because I was at the gym doing my workout and I was just like, oh that was weird. That was

an etiquette breach, right? A conversation. At a gym. Gym's not a time for a DM. Let's catch up later. Let's have a couple of beers and get into the nitty-gritty. A bit of a DM. Totally down for that. Always up for a chat with mates. Well, that's the thing, and you do touch on that very serious point that you should be able to talk to your friends about. I think it's about how you ask. How are you? No. Not good. Fletch brought cheap garlic bread to my potluck.

How are you? Now I'm really asking. Not so good. You just can't beat the butter and garlic ratio. There's so much. It's a dollop. It's a dollop. You open up that tinfoil and the sesame seeds are like, we out. You good? For a jump off the bread.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's fact of the day is about Le Tour de France Oh, wow, wow, wow Le Tour de France And the eraser men of Le Tour de France Whatever happened, side note, whatever happened to that lady that caused that big crash with her sign? Oh, yeah, I don't know.

Did she end up going to jail? She did get prosecuted, but I don't know if it was jail time or a fine. No, it was a €1,200 fine. Oh, okay. For waving the cardboard sign in front and causing that massive crash. That was great. I listened to a podcast where they talked to the commentators of the Tour de France,

and apparently they revolutionised cycling commentary because when they're going around France, the Tour de France, it's also the most watched French event. Like anything that happens in France, it's the most watched around the world. So it's also like this massive tourism situation. So villagers pay for the Tour de France to come through or like chip in.

And then they also have to supply facts about their little village. So when they're cycling through, they can be like, oh, yes, there's Pierre de Fronde going past the chapel that was built in the 1400s. Napoleon Bonaparte stopped there on blah, blah, blah And they give her like facts and stuff So there's this whole book About like the different years of the different tracks of the Tour de France

But the Eraser Men on the Tour de France Are the men and women It's not just for men Women can join the crew But predominantly male in the Eraser Men They go ahead of the Tour de France like a day before where they're going to be cycling

and paint over all the penises that people drew on the road. Because when people find out that the Tour de France is coming, obviously it's a huge televised event and as much as it's about promoting your village in a small chapel

or a vineyard that's been there for 400 years. People love the opportunity to write their mate's name and then a big schlong underneath it. A good old classic C&B. Yeah. Imagine Tour de France is happening. Yeah. They're like, oh, yes, they're entering the field here.

There's a vineyard that was established in 1400. Produces a lovely bon schlong from Plais. Yeah. It's a French wine and underneath it it says Carl Fletcher goes skint

on garlic bread on the road and then I'm standing there with my arms folded like that guy that probably started cricket games and the memes

and everybody around the world sees it so there's you know comics local comedians and gags people go out

the day before they arrive and spray paint schlongs on the road. These guys have to go around literally the day before. But they must have to be like a kilometre or two ahead of the race at all times. No, they do that. So the racing that happens one day, say the racing on this particular part of the track

is happening on a Tuesday, They go around on a Monday. Yeah, but I could spray paint so I can go on a Tuesday morning. But then they will have people watching the course because they also just have to watch the course because people do shit like throw tacks on the road and razor blades and stuff previously. Oh, goodness.

So they are quite like, they have people, security guards, kind of constantly following around the track the day before it gets used. Once I've painted over the schlongs and the swear words that people paint on the road. Amazing.

I think I would panic too if I ever had the chance to get my hand on a can of spray paint and make my mark on the world I think I'd panic and I'd do a CMB. Yeah it's easy. It's easy. Yeah.

Round round long long. And until someone paints over it or there's roadworks stuff will stay written on the road for ages. Yeah. I remember Gary Fotheringham got married just down the road from when we were growing up. Yeah.

And someone wrote, toot, toot, just married. I think they'd been married for bloody 10 years and people were still driving past tooting. Probably got divorced at that time. Because of the toots. Painting over it. Wow. But yeah, it'll last on the road for ages.

So today's fact of the day is the day before the Tour de France route for that day, a team of people go around painting over all the swear words and genitals

that people draw on the road with spray paint. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. dates mean anything these days. Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern is set to deliver the high profile commencement

address at Harvard Uni. You know how they always get like a key speaker? That won't change, will it? Because she'll obviously be doing it online. She also is seeing the President Joe Biden. Where is she going? She's going. No, no, no. As long as conditions

safely allow, they're hoping to have an in-person in Harvard Yard and follow the normal traditions of all the regalia, the pomp.

Harvard Yard. All of that. Will she get an honorary, you know, sometimes they give celebrities honorary doctorates? So the Wikipedia, I googled the Wikipedia page

Harvard commencement speeches. 1831 the list goes back to. Wow. Who was that? Who's the most famous? Who's the hot names? Wikipedia page, Harvard commencement speeches. 1831 the list goes back to. Wow. Who was that? Who's the most famous? Who's the hot names? 1831 was Richard Whatley.

Are you kidding? They got Richard? A British economist and theologian. Theologian? Theologist? It's not theologist. Theologian. Oh, theologian. Okay, recent people that you would know of, Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany in 2019.

Oh, that'll be soaring. Zuckerberg did it in 2017. Steven Spielberg did it in 2016. Oh, you would have been there for that one. Oprah Winfrey did it in 2013. Oh, big year. J.K. Rowling in 2008. Regretting that one.

Bill Gates in 2007. John Lithgow, the actor. Oh, that would have been good. We love a Lithgow. Yeah, that would have been good. That was 2005. Kofi Annan of the UN did it before then. Any sort of Beyonce's in there? Or I'm thinking your Katy Perry's?

No, Katy Perry's? No. Al Gore? Like the list is. It's a who's who. Pink? Was pink on there? No. No pink. Can you have a look? I've scrolled down

John F. Kennedy. No. 1956. But no pink. What would pink say? That's shocking to me. She'd come out and she'd be like, let's get this party started. Yeah, let's get the party started. I don't know if you guys know this, but my real name is Alicia Moore.

Yeah, and then she'd be like. AKA Pink. Just be yourself. Yeah. You know, don't fit the mould. Yeah. Well, Jacinda and her office have not really given much detail about the contents of Jacinda's speech.

But it's such a huge honour. And she must be absolutely, I mean, she's given a lot of big speeches now. Ones that have been sent around the world, lots of important things. But Harvard's a big deal. Oh, you'd be, even in her line of work, giving a million speeches,

you'd be nervous for that one. I still get nervous for speeches. I think people think because you work in the entertainment industry that you just thrive on speeching. I get nervous. Well, you're probably a bit more comfortable than the normal person. Yeah, you end up emceeing every single wedding

and giving a speech at every wedding, and you're like, my heart's still racing. It's nerve-wracking public speaking. Like, that's planned, though. When you're at a 40th, I was at a 40th recently, and they were, like, going around, and then someone said something, and then everybody like and then

everyone looked at me and I was just like nothing to add. I talk about everything that's been said so far. What a great day. I'm going to go home. Do you know it's even making me feel a little bit sick just thinking about giving speeches. Well I know people that like in their line

of work they might have to speak at a conference. So they've got the big conference for whatever industry they're in and they're like, okay, you've got to do a speech. And it just ruins them. They can't sleep. Isn't it the number one fear in the world? Public speaking. Public speaking.

Yeah, public speaking. The number one fear and phobia in the world. People would rather stand on top of a tall building and potentially fall off than give a public address. But would you rather do a speech to a, let's say, a thousand people or twenty? A thousand. A thousand, same. Every time, right?

Because it's always harder when it's like a friend's wedding or something because it's all your peers and friends, whereas if it's a thousand people, they're just like a thousand people. Yes. And it's just a blur, right? I if it's 1,000 people, they're just like, it's 1,000 people. Yes. And it's just a blur, right? I remember doing a speech at my best friend's wedding and the emcee kept saying,

oh, we've got a professional. Oh, we've got a professional here. And I was like, dude, I just want to be sincere about my friend who I love and just move on. All right, get your laughter. Oh, don't take a sip. The laughter's coming.

Get ready for it. We thought on the back of this, Jacinda having to do the Harvard commencement speech, a big deal and possibly quite a nerve-wracking moment. When have you had to do a nerve-wracking speech? Yeah. Like when did you have to be the speaker, whether it was a wedding or a conference or at work,

and you just couldn't deal? Maybe it was planned and it was something that like ate away at you until the day that you had to give it and you couldn't sleep at night. School speeches were bad enough, right? I don't know. I won the competition every year. Smoked it. The point and cup.

The hardest part about school speeches was picking a topic. Oh, absolutely. My speech is on speeches. Hello, my name is Hayley and my speech is on speeches. Well, it's been announced that when she travels to the US, Jacinda Ardern, Prime Minister, will give the Harvard commencement speech.

Joining a long list of incredible names. Winston Churchill did it. Who? Exactly. Is he a movie star? He donated that song with Pink. Is that Pink's? Yeah, is that Pink's partner?

Yeah. I actually Googled Pink commencement speech. She has never done a commencement speech. Wow. So she's ready. She'd be ready. She'll have so much material up her sleeve. We want to know when you've had to do a speech, though,

that made you really nervous. Yeah, maybe it was a wedding. Yeah. Or maybe this is like taking you right back to childhood when you had to do those competitive speeches. Somebody messaged in saying they were a teacher and they were volunteered

by the other teachers to emcee an event at the school. I did not want to do it, but they thought I was just joking when I kept saying this is not what I want to do. I don't want to do it.

As the evening began, I started by welcoming everybody to coming to and named the school I used to work at. The crowd erupted in laughter, thinking that's really funny, but that was it for me and I couldn't go on and I just crumbled. Yeah, the crumbling in front of an audience. Somebody said, six months out my work told me I was going to be emceeing a function.

Oh, yeah. Freaked out. Went to Toastmasters. Classic. Get some skills. Toastmasters. Went to Toastmasters. Did two lots of Toastmasters in that time.

And it got to the day and I thought, I feel really confident. I've done Toastmasters. I'm going to do it. Got up there, looked, saw people, felt a bit. Right. It is hard, though. It's there, looked, saw people, felt a bit. Right. It is hard, though. It's hard to watch, too. Yeah.

All right, well, keep your text coming in, 9696 0800 DALS at M, when you've been really nervous about a speech. Sarah, when did you have to give a speech you were nervous about? Year 10 English. Yeah, classic. And I went in thinking, oh, I'm not going to bother writing it down. I'm just going to wing it. You know, I'm smart.

I can handle it. Oh, no. Went in there, looked at all of the people, walked out, and never went back again. Wait, so you didn't even open your mouth? No. I dropped out of school that day. I went down to the wee fish and chip shop we've got on the corner, had lunch

and then went home and never went back to school. Is that legal? That sounds like two years too soon to just be like, I don't go to school anymore. It was right at the end of year 10, so I think it's optional to go back at year 11 with parental consent

back then, I think it was, and they were ringing my mum and they're like, where's your daughter, where's your daughter, and I'm just sitting down there having fish and chips. Wow. I mean, a great send-off to the end of your education there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See you later, I'm out. Yeah.

Well, good for you. It was the speech that broke things back. Yeah, too nerve-wracking for me. I was like, nah, I'm out. I reckon I'm writing down next time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think I probably still would me. I was like, no. I reckon write it down next time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think I probably still would have done the same thing to be honest. Right, gotcha.

When you stand there and you see everyone just looking at you. It's awful. And then if you do write it down, you're holding a piece of paper. It's a dead giveaway because it's shaken the whole time. Yeah. The trick was the night before speeches, you got the Weet-Bix box out of the cupboard and you cut it up. Yeah.

And then you made it the size of your hand so that people couldn't see that it was Weet-Bix, knowing full well everybody was rocking a cereal box for their speech cards. Sarah, thanks for your call. Some messages in. Somebody said, I'm surprised no one's touched on the funeral speeches because not only are you standing up in front of people and you're nervous, you're also sad because somebody's died.

Yeah, but you can always fall back on just crying. No, it's hard. I've done a couple. It's hard when you've got a cry in your throat, but you're also nervous because you're public speaking. Yeah. And then it starts coming out and then you sound like a dork. But then I feel like that's the place people are most forgiving of that.

Because everybody's sad, right? A little choke mid-sentence adds a certain je ne sais quoi to a speech. A well-timed choke. That. Ooh, that thing. Oh, that was acting. In the middle of a speech. Was that good acting?

I felt it. Yeah. Thank you. I resigned from my job when I was asked to give an update at a senior leadership meeting. I was not senior leadership. I was way out of my depth. I was like, no, thank you, I quit.

I mean, they obviously thought you were up to the task. It changes people. Public speaker absolutely brings people to their knees. We have a few of these situations people are messaging in as well. Both my parents are comedians So naturally I decided to do my primary school speech On living with comedians I was so nervous and everyone was like

Their parents are comedians They'll be good I ended it with Don't forget to tip your waitress And I would recommend trying the veal I was nine at the time No one had any idea that was a reference to like a 50s sort of comedy. No one knew what veal was when they're nine years old.

Yeah. And somebody else said, my dad worked in radio in my area when I was growing up, so I was always pushed forward for public speaking and debate team because of dad's job apparently because he could do it, I could do it too. But no, it's obviously not the case. I emceed a four-day event for about 200 teenagers.

It was the most terrifying and judged I've ever felt in my life. Do you remember that time you went to a careers day? I don't want to talk about it. What happened? I don't want to talk about it. Share, share, share, share, please. Oh my God, this is so funny. I was sold a lie for a start because I was told that it was like a careers day for kids

who had shown like an interest in broadcasting. In the entertainment, right. In radio. And there were like hundreds of kids. I was like, what the hell? How many kids want to get into broadcasting? This is unusual. And then I got up and I was like, hey, guys, I hear you guys want to get into broadcasting.

Nothing. Oh, crickets. Crickets. And I was like, just a show of hands, who's interested in broadcasting? Like one hand went up at the back. I was like, hey, this is cool. What are you guys into? Nothing.

Rugby. And I was just like, okay, so try hard in school and live your dreams. And then they're all just looking at me. I was like, thank you for having me. And I think it was about two minutes tops, and I walked off, and I said to the person who tricked me into it, I was like, they weren't into it at all. No, they loved it.

And then the person after me walked out and they're like, who's here? It's Southside in the house. And they were all like, Westside in the house. I was like, what? And you're up there,

follow your dreams. My dream is for you to piss off old man. Hey, hey, who said that? Zed-In's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.