ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 15th June 2022

Episode Date: June 14, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Hello, welcome to the Fletch Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Grab a rich, smooth barista-made coffee. You're off to the mall? I'm off to the mall after this, and it just sort of struck me how strange it is to go to a mall and then be naked in it.

And that sometimes when you're in a mall, there are people nude around. Like, I guess the closest, because you were doing your laser appointment. My laser appointment. And there have been, forever, there have been Brazilian waxing places and malls. They'll be fanny out in there.

Yeah. But I guess the other closest you'd get would be changing rooms. People would be in their boxes. Yeah, in their undies. Yeah, true. There's so many naked people in malls. I've never thought about it. I remember the first time I got, you know, mall massages.

Usually you just pop in, sit on a chair, they'll give you a 20 minute painful rub and then you'll leave yeah i remember once i got a mall massage and i was like i'm gonna go full full tit and i went into the thing and got like an oily one hour thing and then i remember feeling so strange that like you were only curtain away from curtain away from eb games yeah yeah you're sort of naked in the mall and i'm gonna be naked in the mall soon yeah that is weird eh Someone could just yeah rock on in But lost looking for the toilet Yeah get it

And I'm nude You're nude I leave my bra on There's no reason for that to come off Yeah yeah Just let them have a look Let them have a little summer Oh god it's the only bit they haven't seen

A little summer to look at while you're there Yeah It is weird when you think about it Because malls are just such big public gathering spaces. You never think about being in there. Or what about like at a massive sports game, there could be a stadium of 100,000 people, and then underneath the stadium,

there's someone having a naked shower. Yeah, the sports team. The sports team. Oh, yeah. Or a streaker. Yeah, they're naked. Yeah, but that's by choice They're out there in front of everybody aren't they

But generally when you think about mass gatherings You're not naked No Have we had confirmation that The All Blacks The New Zealand rugby team In case you're listening from overseas And haven't heard of the All Blacks

Yep Are nude showerers post game Oh surely And also would you rip a Would you rip a quick What are you going to put your pink togs, would you rip a quick rinse at halftime? I don't know. If I was really dirty, I'd probably have a quick rinse at halftime. Well, should we get an All Black in before the next games against Ireland?

They love this line of questioning. When we've had All Blacks in previously, the minute it gets away from rugby, we get an eye roll from the media person that's with them, and then the All Blacks tend to shut right down. Yeah. They don't know how to answer questions other than rugby. Yeah, we get the question. They don't know how to answer questions about rugby.

We get the questions pre-interview. Don't ask who's got the biggest dick in the shower. You know, those kind of questions. I'm going to break the rules. We're live on air. Who's got the biggest dick in the shower? Who is it? I don't know enough current All Blacks.

I know there's a whole lot of new All Blacks in the recent. I mean, there were six new All Blacks that have never been All Blacks before. I mean, the old boys are probably going to be looking forward to seeing how they measure up. They'll never say. I mean, Sam Whitlock, he's not messing around, is he? Yeah, but the problem with Sam Whitlock is that he's so massive that it would need to be massive to just look right. Yeah, otherwise, yeah.

He could have a fairly well-sized penis for a medium-sized man, but he's an extra-large dude. Oh, yeah. Yeah, being that size. It could look like a blimmin' acorn in a bush, you know? Exactly. You can see why they don't want you asking these questions, the media managers.

Can we get Sam on the show and just give him a quick quiz? No, absolutely not He's my favourite Here we go, Vaughan's set up A bit late this morning Yeah, I had a dog drama I had to get a I heard a kerfuffle in the laundry

Which is where the two dogs sleep on inclement weather nights, and they went in and there was a poo, and it's just been touched a couple of times. So I was like, oh. You've got to leave that. No, because it was one of those ones that you. Leave it for Sade to discover in the morning. If I'd left it, it would have been,

I'll leave a poo if it's Lulu and it's like on a hard floor and it's not going to get trampled through. But the two dogs, when they get like, we're ready to get out of here, would have run through it and it would have been trampled in. And then I was like, ah. Then I went out to my car and shut. I had parked a car behind, directly behind mine, even though I had asked multiple times.

When you come back in that car, make sure you're not blocking me in like you were. I had to drive through the garden to get out yesterday, but today she completely blocked me in, and then I couldn't find her keys. You should have left the poos. She blocked you in, leave the poos. Tip for tat. Had I known that she'd blocked me in,

I would have left it. Tip for tat. There they shat. There they shat. You deal with that. So, yeah, there was that to deal with, and then I couldn't find the spare key, and it turns out she's been using the spare key because she doesn't know where her key is.

This all feels like Sade's fault somehow. Huge Sade's fault energy. God, Sade. Absolutely. Absolutely. Planted firmly in the fault of Sade. Well, I love that you're saying this because you know she's asleep right now. She's definitely asleep.

I'm going to send her a link to the podcast. I wouldn't dare speak ill of my darling wife. You can listen to it on the iHeartRadio app as well if you download that. Take the show anywhere. No, no, only the podcast. Right now, if you were listening and then our transmitter was crashed into by an alien. Well, no, that's what happened in Tauranga. We had an alien crash into the transmitter.

It blew it up for a few hours. It did. You could listen on iHeartRadio. That's how the aliens listen to us is iHeartRadio. That's how the aliens listen to us, is iHeartRadio. Oh, crashing into Earth. That's how user-friendly it is. Truly. You don't even have to be human.

And aliens. Human, animals, and aliens. The top six is also coming up on the show. Yeah, we've got a new broadcasting minister. That's our industry. Yes, it is. We had Chris Farfoy. I always quite liked Chris.

Why did we get rid of him? What did he do? He's no, he's gone. Dropped a C-bomb on the radio, did he? No, he's going to spend time with his family. Jason Farfoy. Because they're related, aren't they? Chris and Jason.

Jason from What Now Farm. Yeah, I believe so. Yeah. They're not brothers, they're cousins. Okay. Or they've just got the same last name. No, no, no, I investigated once. Oh, right. so. Yeah. They're not brothers, they're cousins. Okay. Or they've just got the same last name. No, no, no, I investigated once. Oh, right, okay.

I investigated. Right. Well, we've got a new broadcasting minister, and so you're going to delve into this. Yeah, the top six things I personally hope for from my new minister. Okay. In broadcasting. Yeah, our minister.

Yeah, yeah. Next on the show, though, there's been some stats released. How much can he... Yesterday, we talked about a New Zealander who was buying loot boxes in a game called Diablo Immortal and had spent... I don't know what he's up to now, but he had spent $16,000 and still hadn't got the legendary jewel. How much did New Zealanders spend on gaming last year? Think of all the lockdowns we had.

Think of all the time people spent inside gaming. It's so much money. It doesn't surprise me, though. It makes me sad. How does $543 million sound? Yes, please. Half a billion dollars is what Kiwi spent on gaming. That is both the hardware, your consoles, your PlayStations,

your Xboxes, your Nintendo Switches. Your chairs. Your chairs. No, not including chairs. Not your gaming chairs. Not including gaming chairs. Okay. But also the games themselves.

The games themselves, the hardware, the software. It all adds up to $543 million. What about your auntie's Candy Crush? Is that in there? Surely. I've donated a little bit to Candy Crush in the past when I got hooked and I needed to get to the next round. I think you do like a $1.29 or something.

That all adds up. It all adds up. It all adds up. So. Is this New Zealanders? Yep. $98 million was spent on full game purchases. So you buy the whole game, take it home, put it in your

PS4 and it needs a 43 gig update before you can play it. So there goes the idea of playing that this afternoon. And you get the PlayStation Plus and Microsoft Xbox Game Pass. $19 million spent on that subscription service. Jeez. I didn't know we had that much money.

I know, right? Yeah. Isn't that like the GDP of some small island nation? It would be New Way or something. Yeah, we could have bought New Way. So retail stores, traditional retail stores sold $121 million worth of stuff. Everything else was pretty much purchased online. $71 million on hardware.

But mobile game sales were $197 million of the $540. Hayley and I were slightly out. The economy of New Way is $24.9 million, the GDP. Oh, God, we could have bought it time and time again. Could have bought it 20 times over. Yeah. So I truly just didn't realise we had that money to spare. Because this won't be just rich people buying it.

It'll just be a collection of everyone. It just comes out of your entertainment budget. I totally get this. I mean, it's no different than what people would spend on, like, Netflix or subscription shows. Going to the movies, going out, going out for a night drinking versus just staying at home and having the same entertainment. Yeah. The same time.

Actually, more time spent for less money. Yeah. If you think how much time you can, you know, if you buy a $100 game and then get 100 hours out of it, what else can you spend $100 on and get 100 hours of entertainment out of? Yeah, that's a fair call. So is that if every single person in New Zealand, a team of 5 million, spend $100? Yeah. Pretty much.

I'm embarrassed I had to Google that. But my brain couldn't compute. But yeah, because you would go, some people would spend thousands and some people would spend zero. Yeah. Very quite quickly that you can get there. And babies probably shouldn't be buying games. No. Just because you include them in the team of 5 million.

And really old people. But they're not really like old people get into mobile games because it's good for the cognitive function. Yeah. Or they may be still playing, you know, online poker and the likes. Yeah. And you see every now and then you see like, I watched a video the other day of someone's like 92-year-old granddad playing Call of Duty and he was like, I remember this.

And he's shooting Nazis. Oh, God. He's like, I remember this. Feels good to be back. I was there. I was there. So this is very, very realistic. All right, 11 past six.

Let me softly swing in here and take over. I'm going to tell you about soft swinging and how you can introduce it into your relationship. Oh. Mmm, soft swinging. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, look, if you're feeling things are a little bit stagnant, a bit stale in your relationship,

but you don't think that you could go full swing, then I've got the soft swing for you. This is a new term, is it? It's a new term, soft swinging. So we know what swinging is. It's like you and your spouse, your significant other, do a little partner swap. Yeah, yeah.

But you're both involved. You know what I mean? Like, your partner will go with the other person's partner and you'll go with the other person. Someone's always getting the dud end of their deal. Mate, if someone was to swing a shot at me, we've got this, we'd be getting the dud end of the deal. Yeah, there's no way

people are getting an even experience. No, no, no, exactly. Yeah, but don't call yourself the dud end of the deal No but there's always like It's very rarely that you see People that are both Equally as attractive as each other In a relationship

Yeah There's always one Controversial I was like That's more attractive Than the other Yeah okay Yeah but if everybody's agreeing to it

Then they're all into it right? Yeah absolutely There's always someone Who feels a little hard going, but there's always someone that's like, next time I get to pick. It's like when you go to a restaurant or a movie or something, you don't get to pick every time. Yeah, right.

Because you'll be going to see your Top Guns, your action movies, and your partner wants to go and see I don't know, bloody Downton Abbey movie or whatever. You don't always get to pick. Someone's getting the dud end of the deal. It would be hard if you turned up for a full swing sesh and then

you pass Sade. You meet the woman that you're going to go with and you're like, oh yeah, I can work with this. And then Sade walks off with an absolute 10 out of 10. Yeah, totally. Because then you're going, hang on, hang on a second. I'm getting a seven.

It's always a seven. A seven, because an eight, I'll be like, eh, eh, eh. Sevens are often with tens. Tens love a seven. Tens love a seven. Because it makes them feel. As a ten, I know this. Tens don't go for nines because they think a nine's going to cheat on them. 7s are often with 10s 10s love a 7 10s love a 7 because it makes them feel as a 10 10s don't go

10s don't go for 9s because they think a 9's gonna cheat on them but a 10 will go for a 7 because they're like this guy would be an idiot to cheat on me look at me

I'm a 10 yeah I'm a 10 this 7 should realise every single day how goddamn lucky he is how blessed he is there is a 3 gap between us

yes anyway so soft swinging is the new hot term inside different variations of partner swapping and it involves switching partners to kiss and touch but not go

full blown. You know, not go full full on. So just it's like you go out and you can all do, you're a little bit handsy, but you can't go the full way. But how do you stop once you start? It's like a tube of Pringles.

Well, that's the contract though. That's the agreement you have to set up. Is that what makes it exciting? Yeah, well, it's supposed to be a way of like, I guess people swing to like add a bit of spice to their life or to, like, keep their sex life really funky. Clearly we don't do it. Keep their sex life funky.

Do not do it because there's a strong rumour you do. I know. I just found out there's a rumour in the industry that she's in an open relationship. And we've got other friends that are the victims of swinging rumors, even though they're 100% normal. I thought you were about to say you've got other friends that have heard that me and Aaron swing.

We don't swing. No, we've got friends who are like outgoing people who made new friends, so their old friends were like, well, it's got to be swinging. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I did. I was working with a dear friend, and then they said to me, can I ask you something? And I was like, God, what is this?

And then they said, I've heard that you swing. Don't come at me, we don't. So soft swinging, they say it's the new way to add a little bit of spice to your relationship, to learn how to communicate better because you're laying down rules, you're abiding by them. It can be a way of getting things from other people that you don't get from your partner. So the way to bring it in to your relationship,

a soft swing. I'm not vouching for hard swinging. And again, not interested, we don't do that. But no judgment, no judgment if you do. You're very defensive. I want to know who started this rumour. This feels like an absolute comedy club rumour

of lippy comedians. Comedians are, I thought the radio industry is bad. Comedians are so much worse at gossip. Like gossip. Oh my God.

I'm going to find it out. So you've got to put boundaries in place. So you've got to agree exactly what type of acts you're allowed to do. That's the like how do you stop thing.

You stop when you're about to break the rules that you've set with your partner. You be clear about whether or not you want to try soft swinging as a gateway drug to full-blown swinging. Discuss your safe sex practices. Agree on a safe word or a signal when you want to get out of there or get your partner out of there. And discuss the emotional competence of being able to bring other people into your sex life. So anyway, get out there and have a blast, but don't introduce me into it.

If any listeners want some tips, obviously. No, I've got nothing. I can't. We don't do it. I've never done it. I like you. I do. Play.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play. ZM. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly little po.'s silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That's a silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. This one kicked off. It was last week. It was post-show. A roaring argument happened in the producer's booth because, well, granted, I did give my wife COVID and I feel terrible about that.

I was cooking all the meals for the family, which I do like. We kind of split it most of the time, but last week it was all Smithy all the time. And I was cooking hearty meals. I'm talking schnitzel. I'm talking beef shin cottage pie. I'm talking this mac and mince and macaroni situation. Grated cheese on top. She was big meals.

And then Sade said, I'm doing, I've got dinner. I'm like, oh, okay, what's for dinner? And she said, I've just got out some soup. And I said, not to her,

I said, to the producers, soup isn't a meal. Soup isn't a dinner meal. Soup isn't, soup can't be the building block of a meal. Here's what I hear

when I hear soup. Great, I'm eating a loaf of bread tonight because that's all I do. We always have a loaf of bread with soup, and I just end up eating eight slices of bread. Absolutely. With way too much butter on the top. You're in a minority because soup as a main meal, a stew as a dinner meal,

a soup, however, I'm in the 21% minority. I feel like the people that voted for yes, soup as a meal are confused as to what a soup is. Yeah. I think they're thinking

of a stew. They're thinking of a stew. No, a stew is a stew. Exactly. A stew is just a thick, THI double C, thick boy soup. What about like a chicken,

like a chicken noodle soup? Like a big, like a pho. Nasi yam. Unless you get a bit of meat, but the meat's always quite light in a pho. Yeah, it is. I'm thinking of like a soup with like big chicken bits in it and veggies and almost like stew.

It's like a minestrone. It's got pasta in it. Yeah. It's not just your soup soup. I didn't even think of noodle. It has to be so much noodle. It needs to be basically a plate of noodles that got a bit wet. Like a ramen.

Yeah. A meal. Because of how much noodles and different bits and pieces are. Or like, you know those bougie soups in the plastic packets? Yeah. In the fridge section. Serves two. Yeah, serves two.

No, that's a lunch. That's a lunch. That's a lunch. Yeah, you can get away with that for a main meal if you add, like, some chicken, lots of chicken. Yeah, and a six-pack of sweet white rolls. Yeah, exactly. Now all I'm seeing is Vaughn's eating too many carbs just before bedtimes. Is soup a dinner meal?

79% of people said yes. Sickos. But also, like, dinner should be your smallest meal of the day, shouldn't it? I know it should, but we should be doing a whole lot of things, shouldn't we? We should be saving for our retirement. We shouldn't be drinking every night. We shouldn't be driving with our eyes closed because we're tired. No, there's a whole lot of shouldas.

The World Health Organization will tell you. Yeah, they will. We shouldn't be smoking and blowing secondhand smoke in our children's faces. Wow, a quote unquote. Shoulda, shoulda, shoulda. Shoulda, shoulda, shoulda. Some feedback on the issue. Michelle, who I'm imagining has the constitution of a chicken,

says soup is an anytime meal. Love soup. God, little bird is an anytime meal. Love soup. God. Little bird. I'm going to say I hate Michelle. I'm on Michelle's side. I could do a chicken soup for dinner. Easy. Here's Caitlin. Now here we go. Here's

some common sense from Caitlin. Nah, it's too wet. It's too wet. It's too wet. She's got... I want to say I don't wet. She's got... Now I need a one. I want to say, I don't know if she's got a public profile because we only get screen caps of the feedback.

But Caitlin DNZ, I'd follow her. She sounds like she's full of wonderful advice. A wise lady. Is this far too wet? No, it's too wet. There is no wetter food. That's why you keep adding dry things like pasta or rice or bread because you're like, I just soak up all this wetness.

It's too wet. I'm not supposed to drink this. It's dinner. Hannah McLean says soup is only a meal in winter. Oh, yeah. Okay, you're fair. It's cold. And you're sick.

Yeah, but you're edged more towards a stoop. Yeah. Helen says there are literally so many options, it's hands down my favourite dinner. Helen sucks. Helen's a sensible person. It's literally my favourite dinner. Do you know what? Helen's drunk.

Helen's drunk. Yeah, but because she didn't have anything in her stomach when she started drinking. She'd only had soup. She'd only had soup for a meal and it lacks anything. I would not have a soup for dinner before I went out drinking.

That's not enough. I would because I ate a loaf of bread every time I had soup so I'd have a great base in all the bread I just ate. True. Elizabeth says,

soup is a drink. It is not a food or a meal. It's a warm smoothie. Yeah. A hearty warm smoothie. Elizabeth, here we go. Her and Caitlin really delivering

some philosophical thoughts today. Vicky said, definitely ate a meal. I find it so gross watching people eat soup. This is noxious. Say it loud. Oh God, that time we were on that plane coming back from Dubai and that old man was like, tank! Noxious. Say loud. Oh, God. That time we're on that plane coming back from Dubai

and that old man was like, tank, tank, tank, tank in the bowl. Tank, tank, tank. I'm like, how old are you? How did you survive a war? They would have heard you from a mile away. Just generally started firing in your direction. Monique says, soup is a drink, not a food. Welcome to my TED Talk.

Wait, wait, explain why. And the exceptions. I'd like to hear Monique's exceptions. I think she's referring to a stew. I think a stew or a goulash. We haven't even touched on goulashes. Emma says, as long as there are bread rolls with heaps of butter.

But now you're just having a soggy sandwich. You're having bread rolls. You're having bread rolls with heaps of butter. But now you're just having a soggy sandwich. You're having bread rolls. You're having bread rolls with a side of meat drink. Yum though. This is the other thing. Carwin doesn't even eat meat so I'm so upset about this.

My voice is starting to stop working. Look what you've done to him, Carwin. Your soups are only vegetables. You've got lentils in it. Yeah. Dude, lentils suck. No, you know the worst? Chickpeas. What are the things that even after being cooked in a soup for 10 hours are still hard? Barley? Vegetables. Have you got lentils in it? Yeah. Dude, lentils suck. No, you know the worst?

Chickpeas. What are the things that even after being cooked in a soup for 10 hours are still hard? Barley? Yeah, lentils. Or like barley. Barley's always hard. No, lentils are mush. Chickpeas are still hard.

It's all yuck. So what do you have? Do you have tofu? No, guys, sometimes I'll just have a tomato soup. Get a grip. Just tomato soup. You need to get a grip. You're drinking warm sauce is what you're doing. What's wrong with that? I've survived this long.

I mean, you're not going to get scurvy because of the vitamin C. How much bread do you have with her? Maybe like one or two pieces of toast. She's fading away. We need to get her a bun me. Yes, yes yes we do. Today's still a little poll. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

A woman in Australia, she's from Australia, she has gone viral because she is a professional cat slash house sitter. So she has travelled all over Australia and all over the United States. She's done it since 2017 and she reckons she has saved $28,000 Australian. So she just goes and crashes at people's places and hangs out with their cats. Yeah, so there are, I didn't know about,

I knew that people did this, you know, house sit professionally, but there are all these websites, Trusted House Sitters, Mind My House, House Carers, Aussie House Sitters, House Sitters America, and House Sitters Canada. And you sign up to these places, and I'm guessing you get feedback, you get trusted reviews.

Yes. And once you've got those, you can travel all over and look after people. she's saying she gets a lot of her gigs because she loves cats she's got all of her experience oh comes through very pro cat she put a little cat icon on her profile probably very good with cats she wouldn't be afraid to put a suppository up the bum of a cat you know you know if it if need be if you had a cat and they needed medication oh do you yeah well there would be cats that needed looking after. Yeah. But then that's it, because I've got a cat.

It's not like a dog. You can't just take them to the kennels. No. My cat needs attention. If he doesn't get attention, he gets grumpy. Absolutely. They get all upset. She reckons she's done 50 homes across the US and America,

and yeah, has saved like nearly $28,000, nearly $30,000. Jeepers. Because that's when you think about it, that's your biggest cost when you get to a country, especially America. And since the pandemic, by the way, before you book your holidays, like they reckon car rental and accommodation in America

is up 40% in some places. Really? And it was already expensive in your main cities, like, you know, your LA, your New York. Yeah. Insane for, like, even crappy hotels. I signed up for a house-sitting thing for a while when we first moved from Wellington to Auckland.

We didn't have a flat. I was like, oh, you know, I was living with Aaron's parents, and it's only so long that you know that you want to live with your in-laws. And I, yeah, we signed up and you do a police check and you get written references and stuff. Yeah. And then we got a flat

so I never did it. Police checks are fun though. You always sort of think, is there something I've forgotten? Yeah. Well, I wonder.

And you sort of get a little nervous and you get an email from the police and you're like, ooh. Does it tell you anything like speeding tickets?

No, no. Like criminal records stuff. Just criminal stuff. Right. Which you would hope you would remember war crimes yeah war crimes

are probably on there so I had a bit of a sketchy time yeah yeah yeah bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye

bye hi there we've got a new Hi there. We've got a new broadcasting minister and that's big news for the broadcasting industry. Oh, that's big news for us, isn't it? Yeah. Because we had so much to do with... Chris Farfoy. Yes.

He was in here every second day. He was, yeah. Hey guys, that's what he'd say. He just checks in to see the show's running well. The standard's nice and high. Yeah. Now, Willie's going to be coming through, I guess, being like, what's up, dudes?

We'll be like, what's up, Willie? What up? So the top six things I want from the new broadcasting minister. Okay. Number six on the list, 90 minutes ad free. That's what I want from the Broadcasting Minister. What, that'll be mandatory for all stations to do? Just once a day?

We already do it, don't we? We do it, so that's good. Well, we'll have to do it again some other time. Again? Oh, right, okay. 90 minutes ad free. Fantastic, yeah. Okay.

Number five on the list of the top six things I want from the new Broadcasting Minister. More music, less talk. You'll be out of a job. Don't plug there. No, no, no, I don't want to lose my job. I just want to have to do less. Oh, right.

Okay, so you want my job. So what, we just intro the songs as a trio? Every goddamn song. What about them sweet three song sweeps that some radio stations play? Some play four in a row and they don't even put a thing in between

a couple of the songs saying what station you're listening to. Let's get on that buzz. Alright. Less work. Yeah, okay. More music.

More music, yeah. And songs are like 25 seconds long nowadays. Yeah, I know. Because of TikTok. So we could play like a thousand songs an hour. Yeah.

I don't know. Do the maths on that. That's probably not right. I don't think so. Number four on the top six things I want from our new broadcasting minister.

I want a friend in all my radio stations, not just the breeze. I think that's fair. Yeah. Yeah. I want to look to any radio station

and know you've got a friend in ZM. Yeah. We can record that. I want to look to any radio station and know, you've got a friend. ZM. ZM. Yeah, it works. We can record that. I'm sure that wouldn't be a conflict. We're far friendlier than the people at the breeze too.

Yeah, absolutely. Bar Robbie Rocketeer. That man can do no wrong. He's an angel. He's a saintly angel. And that's why, although I do feel he made a deal with the devil, because he hasn't aged since RTR countdown in the 1980s. Number three on the list

of the top six things I want from our new broadcast team and it's a two for Tuesday. Two for Tuesday? What, will we play two? No, no, just two of everything on Tuesday. Okay.

Wait, so the same song twice? No, no, no, like coffees. Like if you buy a brioche and you work in the industry, you get two. Oh, okay. You only pay for one. Right.

It's the two for Tuesday. So you don't want us to just play two Ed Sheeran songs? You can if you want. Okay, right. But I was just thinking more outside. We just get double everything. Anything, like if you fill up your tank. Right.

You get a two for. That'd be lovely. If you go and buy a singlet from Farmers, you get two. Two singlets from Farmers. I'm down. Two for Tuesday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love it.

Totally. Great idea. It can come out of our broadcasting fee. Okay, yeah. Throwback. Number two on the list of the top six things we want from our new broadcasting minister. I want that beep, beep, beep, beep before the news every time. They still do that on national radio.

It's good. You know that's exactly at the top of the hour, don't you? Yeah. That's the idea of it, right? The beep, beep. Well, old people don't like it when the news is late. Oh, God. It's good you know that's exactly at the top of the hour That's the idea of it right? The beep Well old people don't like it when the news is late Oh god they want the news Sometimes I run the news at 5 past

It doesn't matter That happens The news has happened In fact the later you run the news The more news will be in the news Because more stuff's happening We've actually got more news because it's five past the hour. Within that five minutes,

you might have missed something had we done it on the hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The news is finished. An extra goal for the all-whites, maybe? No, that's happening this morning. Yeah. That happened at 6.03.

You would have missed it. Yeah. So actually, we have better news than the national broadcaster. I think that should be the new ZM slogan. Laugh out loud. We'll get rid of that. Yeah.

Later news, more news. Yeah, later should be the new ZDM slogan. Laugh out loud. We'll get rid of that. Yeah. More news. Later news, more news. Yeah, later news means more news. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. The other stations have done their news. Yeah. They'll miss out.

Yeah. More news, later news. This is why we... Slightly later, slightly more. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah, brilliant.

ZDM. Love it. And number one on the list of the top six things I want from our new Broadcasting Minister are free stuff. Got any free stuff? Got any free stuff? Got any free stuff?

Got any free stuff? Hayley's missed out on the age-old passage on having to go out on the road and give away free stuff. Your experience, you've not been on one of these. No.

We're going to Hamilton next week. Are we taking a sign-written vehicle? Maybe. Well, some of the traffic lights, We're going to Hamilton next week. Are we taking a sign-written vehicle? Maybe. Well, some of the traffic lights, someone will indicate, why aren't you winded down?

You wind your window down and you're like, hey, and they're like, free stuff? We're on traffic lights. What do you want me to do? Open up the back and get you out of Popsicle? It's like Halloween and they knock on your door and you don't have any candy. The last time we ever stopped at the lights,

Vauden just opened the glove box and got the Jeep Wrangler manual and gave it to them. And I threw it at them. I was like, now you know how the Jeep Wrangler manual and gave it to them. And I threw it at them. I was like, now you know how a Jeep Wrangler works. And we're about to spare tyres kept. Get the F out of my face! That is today's Top Socks. Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley.

Play ZM. Yesterday, producer Anna decided that she was going to treat herself because she deserves it. Hashtag I'm enough. Hashtag I deserve it. What did you do? I went and got a massage. Gorgeous.

Gorgeous. Now, I've recently moved to a different part of Auckland and I haven't yet found my new local, you know, like I'm on the hunt. So I tried out this new place, and firstly I had to Google whether or not it was a sexy massage place, because the sign looked a little dubious. It looked a little bit too light up for my liking. Oh, a bit of neon, was it?

It was a bit of neon. I thought this is either going to be supes authentic or sexy. Yeah, yeah. But all the reviews, quite positive. What style did you go? Thai, Chinese, Swedish? Thai. She's a Thai.

Maybe you're stepping out of line here, but I think you're exclusively Thai. That's a fair comment. I've never heard you talk about a bobo massage, for example. I'll do a lomi lomi, actually. Oh, yeah. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. So I booked in for 30 minutes,

and I thought I'd just do a little sampler, and then if it's rubbish, I won't have to, you know, commit it for too long. Oh, 30's good. So I went in there, and she was like, cool, take your clothes off. And I was like, tickety-boo, no problem. So I was still taking off my pants when she walked back in. No, no, no, no, no.

And she didn't go like, oh, sorry, or anything. She just, like, got in there and stood there and watched me take my baps off. Oh, no. So that was when I was like, okay, cool bananas. I'll just keep going then. So then I flop onto the bed and, you know, put the baps in the right position and everything. It's all sorted. And she gets going.

And from the first touch, I'm like, this is going to be a painful 29 minutes. Oh, no. Did you say touch, I'm like, this is going to be a painful 29 minutes and 30 seconds. Did you say softer, please? No, no, there was no communication about the level of pressure. Oh, yeah. And I got the vibe straight away that any sort of feedback wouldn't have been welcomed. Right.

So I was like, I'm just going to suck this up. Did you go dry or oil? Dry. Oh, yeah. No, no, there was no choice. There was no choice. Really? No, you've got to communicate.

Okay. Look, I'll take a bit of the blame for this. But there was one point, I would say about probably 15 minutes in, she's kneeling, she's got a kneecap on each butt cheek. Oh, yeah. And she starts, like, clapping with her knees. So my butt is like... Well, she's like, wow, wow, wow, wow. She's going out and in with her knees, my butt is like wow wow wow wow she's going out and in it

with her knees like yes yes on to your butt she's like oh my dude i've never had this in all my time that's not a thai technique i don't think i don't know that's a lot of time that's been ticked off by the King of Thailand. I don't believe he's approved this. It was very confronting, and I was just like, oh, Jesus, what if I let out a fart? You're like, so I don't up there. Yes.

Yeah, but then she let out one. What? What? Yeah. Because she's also, while she's moving the knees, her butt's also. She's moving? Yeah. So she's on top of you, clapping your ass with her knees,

like you're in some sort of Megan Thee Stallion music video. Yes. And then she lets out, well, what kind of fart was it? Like a loud? Yeah, the first one. The first one? It indicates the existence of a second one. Yeah, it was quite pungent. And I was like, ooh. And then I started giggling. And she was like, first one indicates the existence of a second one. Yeah.

It was quite pungent and I was like and then I started giggling and she was like don't laugh and I was like okay. She's like

check the neon sign bitch that's my name in lines don't you laugh at me. She said don't laugh. Yeah. But did she say pardon or anything? I'm just trying to paint

a whole picture. Where are her hands? I'm not sure. Okay, you can't feel the hands. You know, sometimes they've got the ropes on the ceiling. Yeah, they hold on. They've got to hold on. So when did the second one come?

About, like, five minutes later, she was still on all fours, like, on my back this time. Was she still there? And I'm, like, shaking, like, biting into my lip, trying not to laugh. Oh, my God. And that's it. Were there any more farts?

No. Oh, there was three in total. They kind of got less and less loud as the time went on. I feel like she let them out of her system. The last one was more of like a little goodbye. See ya. Oh my God. Okay, so we won't be going back there again.

We won't. As soon as we get off air, I want the name. Okay, so we won't be going back there again. We won't. As soon as we get off air, I want the name. As soon as we get off air. That's actually why you cancelled an appointment yesterday, Hayley. Well, yesterday we went out before a meeting and we had a quick kimchi omelette. And God, it destroyed my guts. And I had a laser appointment in which you're very much spread. Yeah.

And I just thought... You don't want to fire during a laser. You'll you're very much spread. Yeah. And I just thought, you don't want to fart during a laser. You'll ignite the laser and flamethrower. I don't think that's how it works. That's exactly how it works. We've talked about this. There's been numerous news articles where someone during an operation has farted and ignited a laser in surgery or laser hair. What a way to die.

What a way to die. Well, no, you don't die. You just get burns. I think that's more of the cauterising lasers. Oh, right. I don't want to cauter What a way to die. Well, no, you don't die. You just get burns. I think that's more of the cauterising. Oh, right. Okay. I don't want to cauterise my bum. No, no, no, no. I don't know if the laser is as much danger. Yeah, but I cancelled my appointment.

Because you'd be mortified if you were in a treatment and you just let one out. Absolutely. What would you do? Given the state of my car on the drive home, I made the right move. Yeah. For sure. Let's talk farts. Let's talk farts.

Let's get some calls. They're funny. Farts are funny. Fundamentally funny. What's the worst moment when you've let one out? When did you pop off at just the worst time? And not school when everyone laughed at you. I want adult stories of just like shame.

What about when you sat on the hard floor? Of the assembly hall. It slaps. It slaps. it slaps. It slaps. It slaps against the hard floor. Like, Anna's ass slapped against its own self. She was ridden with the woman with the knees.

It's always those times when you're just not thinking about it. You just let it out because you're like, well, they've been silent up till now. And then it comes out. You know and know and know. An elevator. a meeting. I'm going to slow release this, and I'm going to get the right angle. It's going to work for me, but the slow release, just something happens. Something slaps.

You're wetter down there than usual. It's a hot day. Give us your fart stories. Yeah, those embarrassing times when you just accidentally tooted. Oh, I've got a good story, but it's absolutely for off-air. It's good that you're now recognising these. The difference between the two. It's a sexy time story.

Yeah, gross. Don't. Well, no, imagine that. You go home with a guy you've never been home with before. Imagine that. Okay, we're going to take your calls now. 0800 DALS at M. You can text as well.

9696. When did you fart at the worst time? It's a safe space. Let's open up. Not too much, though. Producer Anna yesterday getting a massage. Three farts during the massage. Three farts during the massage.

And you were told not only... Not to laugh. Yeah, not only did she just pop off and not apologise or say pardon, but just told you not to laugh when you started laughing. Is the reason you cancelled an appointment yesterday you didn't want to be tootie? Yeah, I had a downstairs laser appointment, but I was very tootie after a kimchi omelette and I just

thought I'd rather cancel than risk it. Yeah, so we want to know when you've tooted, when you've farted at the worst possible moment. Maybe it was embarrassing. You didn't expect it. It just happened. They just pop out sometimes.

They do. They just pop out. Wow. Some amazing stories coming in. So many calls. Aaron, good morning. Whereabouts did you accidentally let one out? I was at the gym, actually.

I was doing a good old leg workout and had about 500 kgs on the leg press and I went down. Hang on. Big flex. 500. Half a ton. 500 kgs?

Yeah. What? No wonder you were squeezing out a fart. You're like, you're like, you're going to come out. Absolutely no way that it was going to stop it from coming out. Yeah, right. And were people around? Yeah, it was a reasonably full gym day.

And I just say it was the loudest fart ever. And I just cracked up laughing. And my gym partner was cracking up laughing too. And everyone else was too. So it was the loudest fart ever and I just cracked up laughing and my gym partner was cracking up laughing too and everyone else was too so it was a fun moment. I always do that thing because I always wear headphones at the gym and I'll let one out and then I'll be like and you don't know no you don't know and then you're like oh that's right I'm wearing headphones I do it when I go for like big long walks and I'm just like got my headphones in. Aaron thanks you're cool. Sheila when did you accidentally let one out? Oh, I let more than a fart out, let me tell you.

Oh, Sheila. I was in 1992. I was at Euro Disney when it first opened. And of all places, I was queuing up Thunder Mountain. A classic. I will say that I do have issues with my bowels I have since had

a colon resection I join you there Yeah And I said to my I was with my ex-husband and I said to him Oh my God I think I'm going to fart

and as I did it it was liquid I reckon I would have left you to shit your pants at Disneyland We are eating Breakfast time

Sheila thanks for your call A little liquid fart A lot of Shady Sheila right Sheila, we are eating. We are eating. Breakfast time. Sheila, thanks for your call. Let her have a liquid fart. Shardy Sheila, right? A lot of sharing here. Anonymous, when did you accidentally let one out? So I'm a doctor, and I was in front of a patient who was dying, their family, just kind of talking about that, and farted.

Oh, my God. Doctor. How audibly did you toot? I liked the sort of thing that was not that audible and I sort of did a bit of shuffling on my shoes and things to sort of see if I could cover it up a wee bit. But no one kind of... Oh, my God, shuffling on the shoes.

Oh, my God. Oh, and it's, yeah. You can't mistake a fart for a shoe shuffle. But also like during such an important like moment, like such quite a tender moment. There's nothing we can do. That's right, yeah. There's nothing we can do.

I mean. Did they say anything? They're already dying though. It's not like he did anything. No, no, no, no. Did they acknowledge the fart in the room? No, they did not. I mean, sometimes I sort of like to think that you can maybe blame it on the patient, especially if they're in a bit of a state like that. Yeah, no, no, no. Did they acknowledge the fart in the room? No, they did not. I mean, sometimes I sort of like to think

that you can maybe blame it on the patient, especially if they're in a bit of a state like that. Yeah, absolutely. That's a natural part of the dying process, is releasing the final gases. Yeah. Anonymous, thank you so much for sharing some messages in. I was working next to a guy at work that I... I was working next to a guy and I didn't talk at work.

I accidentally let out a really loud one and instead of acknowledging it, that it was me, I started making farting sounds with my mouth. To make it sound like it was just the first of the ones that I decided to make with my mouth. That's such a panic move, eh?

Three years later, we're together. How about that? Oh, wow. And their first interaction was a toot. They must have loved the comic noises. I was at Spookers, and it was a really quiet part. Someone jumped out with a really quick boo, and I immediately panic farted.

And she heard it and, like, said, and then they just, like, tore me to me for the rest of the tour as the farty. I don't know if they were radioing ahead or what. What the carrot did. Yeah. A fright fart. The management wanted to have a word with me. I was so nervous about it.

And when I went in and sat down at the start of the meeting, I absolutely popped off in front of the manager and the other people in the room. It was so embarrassing. I think I'd just pretend I didn't hear it if I was in that situation. Oh, God. We're in an open home in a bathroom, and I was pointing up towards a light fitting,

and when I pointed up, I let one rip by accident, and it reverberated around the entire bathroom. You can't buy a house like that. I let one rip by accident and it reverberated around the entire bathroom. Oh no, tiles. You can't buy a house like that. You would think that farts have been around for long enough that we just wouldn't find them that funny. Is there any culture that doesn't? I wonder if it's a cultural thing like some parts of the world. It's an unspoken rule is if you hear them, you don't react to them and you don't.

But that would almost make it funnier because now it's. Or, you know, like, you know, like tribes who still live in the bush. I mean, I don't know if they've known that society is deemed farts hilarious. Yeah. They're just popping off. Yeah. All right.

725, your chance to win cash soon with our game Lightyear Beat the Buzzer. Next, though. Thank you for that. That really just absolutely tickled me this morning. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I don't think I've ever given this much thought before what kind of dresser I am in terms of how I choose my outfits every day.

Now, I love fashion, but I don't think about it that much. I guess I'm just effortlessly stylish. I mean, you're talking to two people that wear, like, the same different three T-shirts. Yeah, well, I've got a category for you. I've got a hole in my jeans. Yeah, you do. You wear new jeans.

Yeah. Actually, just then when you said dressing, and I was like, my hole in my jeans. Yeah. I've got a message to place I bought it from. I emailed them, but who's checking emails these days? Yeah, yeah. I'm going on the gram. People love replying to a complaint on

a DM. How long have you had those jeans? Six weeks? Oh yeah. A couple of months? You've got a, yeah. And they've blown out in the gooch, but not the normal situation there of the thigh rub gooch. Fly, just under the fly. The fly rub. Yeah, right, okay.

So you've got an acidic gooch problem there or you're busting at the seams? Yeah, your pH balance is all off. I don't know what it is. You've got acid coming out. They are a tighter gene, but yeah, they shouldn't have ripped there already. No.

Absolutely not. Demand a refund. Well, apparently some fashion experts, fashion professionals in fact, have said there are many different styles of dressers in the morning, and I've got four of them for you. Okay. There's the planner, and this has become me

because of the early alarm clock. I'd say I'd be this person. So it's the person that looks at the weather forecast or thinks about what their day is going to be the next day, lays it out on the bed so the next morning there's zero thought put into it, I've planned ahead. Yeah, I do that. Only because I wake up at, you know, ridiculously

early o'clock, 20 to 5, I have everything out the night before, so all I need to do is put it on. But there's no planning though. Yeah, but a little bit. Look at how cold it is. I'll be like, I'm going to need to wear jeans today. Yeah, or after work I'm not going home and going out to a thing,

so I've got to wear something that can translate. Don't do that. And once it gets to Easter, it's jeans until Labor Day. You know, you're not a planner. And it's purely a calendar thing. I think I've got you coming up. I'm the planner. And the rare occasion that I do this, it's super stressful.

At 4 a.m. to be looking in the wardrobe being like, um. Yeah, you can't be doing that that early. Okay, so that's the planner. And the rare occasion that I do this, it's super stressful. At 4 a.m. to be looking in the wardrobe being like, um. Yeah. You can't be doing that that early. Okay, so that's the planner. Then there's the adventurer. So this is when you pick one standout item, something that's like a bit bold. And then you give yourself the challenge of designing an outfit around that. So maybe it's a pair of velour flares.

And then you're going, all right, I've got to work with this. This is the item. Yeah. A little peach kitten heel, all right, I've got to work with this. This is the item. Yeah. A little peach kitten heel, perhaps, fletch. Right. Of course,

that's what I'd choose. And you go, I've got to make this item work and it's a bit of fun, bit of an adventure to make that work. The next one, and I reckon this is you

as the speed styler, give yourself a five minute limit. Not even that. You wouldn't do five? Nope. There'd be no need. That'd be a wasted four and a half minutes. Yeah, you wake up and you're like, okay, what am I wearing today? Go. There'd be no need. That'd be a wasted four and a half minutes.

Yeah, you wake up and you're like, okay, what am I wearing today? Go. Yeah, and these are for people that have more of a basic wardrobe of plain tops, plain pants, staple jumper, and a jacket. Also me, I'd say. So you're not going like, I can't wear the tartan with the floral because that's kind of a bit full on. Right.

So that's the speed starter. Five minutes on the clock. And then there's the dopamine dresser who's the person that dresses to lift their mood. So goes like, how am I feeling today and how am I going to dress to reflect that? Be it colour, pattern, style, dressing to make themselves happy. Like remember yesterday

Carl Wayne, we didn't even shout it out, was wearing an incredible jumpsuit. Yeah. She was wearing a great jumpsuit. Like an incredible jumpsuit. That's a cool jumpsuit. If I was a female, I'd wear a jumpsuit all the time. Just so when I went to the toilet, I'd be like, I've got to go to the toilet. What an adventure this is going to be.

I've got to take off my hand and go to the jumpsuit. Absolutely. Get your buzzies out for a bit. But, Carween, not only did you look happy yesterday, but it made me happy. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. And also today, I just want to shout out Carween.

She looks phenomenal. Kind of a boot, a black sort of sophisticated boot top combo with a blue jean. Are you going to say anything about our plain AS colour T-shirts? I've got nothing to say about them. What would you do? Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM.

Great news for women. We've talked a lot about the male contraceptive pills. There have been two trials running and the latest from these clinical trials, the first phase, is that in both trials, both of the pills appear to effectively lower testosterone without causing unacceptable side effects. I'm so glad that they're putting all their time and money to make sure that if you have to take the oral contraceptive pill that it just doesn't

ruin your life. It's so like, oh. I mean, look, we've talked about this before about the pill has been a woman's burden for so long and it stuffs with you and now they're like, well, we can't give it to men if it's going to make them grumpy.

It's going to make them a little bit chubby and grumpy. Yeah. But in fairness, like, when men get grumpy... Is it going to be fair what you're going to say?

What do you think of the grumpiest men in history? Your Hitlers, your Pol Pops, your Stalins. Oh, they're all grumpy. You know, they're grumpy,

they're war causes. Millions of people die. Yeah. Because women don't start wars, do they? They haven't. No. I mean, you grumpy. You know, that grumpy that war causes. Millions of people die. Yeah. Because women don't start wars, do they? They haven't. No. I mean, you could argue. I don't think wars have been started over women,

but again, that's grumpy men not being able to accept that that woman doesn't want that man anymore. She wants Orlando Bloom or whatever that whole Helen of Troy thing was over. My question is, say that they make this pill and it becomes a thing where men are like, I'll take on this responsibility. Would you let a man be responsible?

Because at the end of the day, if they screw up taking the pill, you're the one that has to be. You still have to have that baby. It still goes in your body, the baby. Yeah, I know. No, I wouldn't. I would administer it.

Every day you would pop it in his mouth? I would pop it in his glass of water. Yeah, he's got to remember. And because it's not part of your zeitgeist, it's not part of your reality or routine, it'll take years until it does become a norm. Some of us have a centrum, multivitamin. Oh, you have a Barocca every day.

You rock a Barocca every day. I can do the Barocca and the contraceptive pill. Yeah. Oh, you have a Barocca every day. You rock a Barocca every day. I can do the Barocca and the contraceptive pill. Yeah, but if you skip a Barocca, what, you're a bit tired. And I don't have an orange wheeze. And so I'm like, oh, I've missed my Barocca. Yeah. If you skip the oral contraceptive pill, Sade's not going to be happy.

She'll have a baby. She'll have a baby. Potentially. Because they name, the female contraceptive pill have all got female names, eh? Yeah. Jasmine, Yasmin, Jeanette, Ava. Potentially Because they name The female contraceptive pill Have all got female names Yeah Jasmine Yasmin Jeanette

Ava What are we calling out? I'm on with Dave Bruce I'm on with Dave I'm on Warren You're on Warren Is that government subsidised

Or is it a special one? Yeah it's not subsidised That's alright though Because it's best for you Yeah it's the only one That doesn't make me An absolute monster Make your boobs tender

Yeah And your skin break out Yeah Oh that's good for one that doesn't make me an absolute monster. Make your boobs tender. Yeah. And your skin break out. Yeah. Oh, that's good for you. But, I mean, good news. Is it not good news? It is good news.

I think it's just been slightly tainted by the fact that it's taken so long. It works. They've proved it works. They just will not take it to market because it'll make the boys grumpy. Yeah. It makes them a little bit hot and grumpy. A little bit hot. Like the temperature raised a little bit. Flushy, yeah. Oh, yeah, right.

Okay. It's alright, I'll keep taking it and actively trying not to drive off a bridge every day. And for that we applaud you. Thank you. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Yesterday, I stopped in after the gym, grabbed a couple of things from the supermarket

what'd you get? hot chook no I didn't get a hot chook no just some salad just some mints some salad some mints no no he's got mints at home

I did not get mints I got some salad you got some in the freezer actually I made a shrimp salad shrimp? yeah from frozen shrimp? nah it was like

deli I don't know it was would have been frozen but it's deli shrimp shrimp? yeah you get would have been frozen but it's deli shrimp shrimp yeah

you get that frozen shrimp stuff and you steam it and it oh yeah cooks and defrosted at the same time oh okay

well yeah maybe next time yum yum but anyway it was at the deli that I noticed a man

I did a double take a man was waiting to get some maybe some sliced ham or whatever you buy at the deli. That's the only thing you buy at the deli.

Overpriced potato salad that you regret and put back on the shelf because it's $18. And he was wearing shorts. And this is where I doubled because it was very cold. Yeah, chilly. And then when I double-taked, the shorts were actually boxer briefs. What, like a... Like a cotton. Like a cotton black boxer short. Like a really tight fitted, like a jockey.

At any moment, the thing could slip out. He was wearing like a normal, I think a hoodie, and was waiting to get his deli mates in boxer shorts and a hoodie. Are you sure they weren't just a very light linen? So I couldn't see the top because the hoodie came down. But when I was looking at them, I was like, yes, they are boxer shorts. Did they have three small shirt buttons

down the front? No. Oh, no. Most of them don't have buttons. No, they've got like a a maze. A pouch. That the genitals would have to go hard left. All right. Left again to get out.

He didn't care. Wow. He didn't care. I love that you're ringing out someone for what they wore to the supermarket after you were recently slapped, snapped, wearing socks and slides. Yeah, but that's all right. It's not undies, is it? But it's not, like, undies is not there with people that wear pyjamas

to Kmart at 11 o'clock at night just because they're open 24 hours. All the time. You see their robes. Yeah, they've had a bath. Brushed their teeth. Presumably they're sitting down watching something a little bit chilly so they've got a robe on over the top of their PJs and they're just like, it's adventure time.

No. Where's open? Where's open? Because to me, like, I'm nude under pyjamas. There's a lot that could go wrong in those loose-fitting pyjamas when you're out in public. I know. Have you ever seen a man sit on a couch wearing his pyjama shorts?

Oh, yes. It's balls of play. It's balls of hoi. Yeah. Dangerous in the supermarket. Even a short short. What? Even a short short.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But these weren't short shorts. They were definitely undies. They were undies. Who's the woman who dated Kanye West for a bit? Do you remember when she went to the supermarket recently to see the bra and undies? Yeah, the one that...

Definitely not togs. No, not togs. Bra and undies and a jacket. Julia Fox. Julia Fox. I mean, good for her. Did this guy have the physique to rock an undie

Just an average build I'd say Maybe five foot something, under six foot Fascinating Do you think he left the house with pants on? Did he look like he left the pants on? What did he have on his feet? I can't remember shoes

How would you leave the house with pants and arrive at the supermarket without them? Spill. You've had a spill in the car. But have you ever gone out, like, and you've been like, oh, my God, am I wearing pants? And you're like, yeah.

No, those are my dreams. I had dreams. I'm having a dream and I'm walking and I'm like, I'm not wearing pants, but I can't look down to check. Yeah. Yes. And then people are, like, looking at me,

are they looking at my pants or are they looking at the fact I'm wearing no pants? But your dream won't allow you to, like, look down. Yeah. Maybe this guy then people are like looking at me, are they looking at my pants or are they looking at the fact I'm wearing no pants? But your dream won't allow you to like look down. Yeah, maybe this guy was sleepwalking. Hey, maybe he was buying, sleepwalking, buying 500 grams of ham. What was he getting at the deli? I believe shaved ham.

Yeah, that's not just a quick like nip over and grab it. It's odd. If he was grabbing like one of those samosas that they have, maybe he's just grabbing a quick snack and heading back to bed. But if he's getting shaved ham, at least he's got buns and coleslaw as well. Yeah, that's a big one. He's cooking.

It's Lizzo on ZM, Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. It's 11 past eight. So when we think of when you stop being a child, originally we think of 18, right? Yeah. That's when you become a proper adult. That's when you can buy... Can you buy a lot of ticket at 18?

I thought it was 16. No. You can't go to the casino until you're 20. That's right. Can you not go to the casino until you're 20? No. I thought it was 18. 18, you're allowed to drink.

Drink, buy cigarettes. Fight for your country. Buy pee? No. You've got to be 20 according to the Department of Internal Affairs. And what does A stand for? I mean, no one's got it. DIA, Department of Internal Affairs.

Affairs, that's what the A stands for. DIA, Department of Internal Affairs. Yeah,, Affairs. Affairs, that's what the A stands for. DIA, Department of Internal Affairs. Yeah, you've got to be 20 to enter a casino and then obviously buying booze, 18. What does it matter? 18-year-olds don't have money anyway. You know what the scam there is? By the time you're 20,

you've forgotten all the maths from high school. That's why they don't want to go either. That's why they don't want 15-year-olds rocking in. Fresh memories of Pythagoras. Because you'd be... You'd have to solve a simultaneous equation. You. Fresh memories of Pythagoras. Yeah. Have a simultaneous equation. You'd be counting cards. Statistics?

Yeah. They know what an isosceles triangle is. There's a 40% chance it's going to be the green one on the relief wheel next time. Apparently, it's later than 18. Apparently, we're in childhood nowadays till 40. Till 40. This is ridiculous. I mean, for some people, this, till 40. Till 40. This is ridiculous. I mean, for some people this may be true because they get absolutely mummied.

Yeah, totally. So it's not based on any law, obviously, because that is 18 or 21, I guess, wherever you are in the world. It's the time in which we can stand on our own two feet. And adulthood is defined as the moment we stop investing resources only in ourselves and start investing in others. So that could be like a relationship

or having children, rather than your whole world being about mwah, mwah, mwah. So people, and they're going, this is a result of like, we're training longer. So our parents would leave high school, go to the workforce. Or if they went to university, they do their three years or whatever,

and then they go into the workforce. Whereas now we're like, I'm going to do another degree or I'm going to be here for like nine years. Or go traveling. I'm going to travel for a bit, then I'll do uni. So we're training for longer. We're not jumping into relationships. We're having children later.

So all of the things that kind of force you into adulthood are super delayed for longer. We're not jumping into relationships. We're having children later. So all of the things that kind of force you into adulthood are super delayed for us. And now, super delayed to 40. It was going up, up, up, up

from 18 to into your 20s, into your 30s and now 40. I can kind of see the point there. Yeah, totally. I mean, people,

there's a huge percentage of people just under 40 and at 40 that are still relying on their parents. And that makes you kind of a child. You're still living in a childhood-like state of like, I don't have any responsibilities.

Because you can't buy a house. No. So that kind of thrusts a responsibility upon you. And, yeah, people living at home longer as well. Yeah, absolutely. So apparently if you are 40 or below, enjoy it. You're still living in your childhood. Unless of course

you're married with kids and a job, then you would say you're an adult? Isn't this nice though, Vaughan, that we're being supervised by an adult? I like to be in the workplace. I'll tell you what, probably not the first person this week to call him daddy either. Get out of here. Daddy? It makes me feel safe.

If something was to catch on fire. You're more daddy than me. You've got responsibility. Yeah, when you were like, oh, you're 40 and you're a child, I thought it was going to be like mental maturity or whatever, but it wasn't.

It was like things I did 10 years ago. All the things you have. Yeah, so you would have entered your adulthood at 30. Yes. Yeah. So I'm the most mature one here. You are, yeah.

You may call me daddy. Okay. You're daddy. I'm daddy. And you're saddy. Anyway, so this got us thinking, we want to hear about you, the adult babies out there, the adults who are still 100% living in childhood,

be it that they're still financially reliable, no, reliant on mummy and daddy. Like those, there's always women that have the boyfriends or partners that they have to mummy. Mummy. They make their lunches. They make their lunches, do their washing. Can't boil an egg.

You basically just adopted them from their parents. Yeah. Because now they're your responsibility. Yeah. Those basically just adopted them from their parents. Yeah. Because now they're your responsibility. Yeah. Those are the kind of stories we want. That's what we want. If you've got an adult baby in your life,

be they your partner, your brother, or even your child, we want to hear it. All right. 0800-DARLS-IT-EVERS-THE-NUMBER-9696. Do you have an adult baby or know of an adult baby in your life? So apparently now the average age that you reach adulthood is 40. It lasts up to 40, yeah, because we're not doing adult things anymore.

We're stuck. Unless, of course, like Vaughan, you matured early for your age, 30. Very early mature. Your mortgage, kids, wife, all of that. You've got the whole shebang. So, yeah, we want to know who in your life is an adult baby. Adult child. Let's start with Alex.

Good morning, Alex. Good morning. Who is the adult baby in your life? I dated a guy who from the ages 26 to 29 I lived with. He not once did his own dishes or washed his own clothes. Yuck. How did that last three years? Yeah, God, you gave that too much, I reckon.

He used to buy me nice things sometimes, so I let it slide for a little bit, and then I kind of got a bit too much. Oh, okay. He sort of chucked a 50 at you and said go buy yourself something pretty yeah I could probably

do the washing and vacuuming if I was getting like a nice necklace a necklace I also did all the vacuuming all the gardening and we had like

quite a garden as well while working a full time job oh no thank god he's gone yeah he's gone what so did he just grow

he just never had any responsibility or had people do it for him his whole life? Pretty much, yeah. I started feeling like his mother, like quite a lot. That's not hot. Yeah, it's not, is it? No. Alex, thanks for your call. Sophie,

your partner is an adult baby. He sure is. And do you like this, though? No, I can't stand it, and I've talked to my best friend about it, and her partner is a lot the same. Well, it seems like you should be talking to the partner about it, not your best friend. Hey, you don't know how we women work, all right?

We didn't understand how we both ended up with someone like this, but I think it's because we picked them up when they were fresh teenagers, we took them off the tit. And then we babied them. We took over when mum left over because mum couldn't do it anymore. You've only got yourself to blame. Wait, were you also a fresh teenager?

And guess what? They come... Yeah, I was a fresh teenager too. Oh, good. I'll put that in there. Right, so... But they still... do you do everything? You do all the washing, all the chores?

Yep, and then I come home from work and he says, can you please roll me a smoke? My hands are so sore, I've been working all day and he's literally been reaping the, he reaps the benefits of my work all day. I can't believe he's gone analogue.

He's still hurting in a durry. Get him a vape. It's 2022. Roll us a cigarette. Roll your own. 35. 35 and still, right, okay, an adult baby at 30. Well, you know, five more years and maybe he'll roll his own.

Yeah, give it some time. Give it some time. 40 is the new age of adulthood. Some messages in. Oh, dear me. My brother-in-law is 49. Still lives at home and his mum buys him everything he needs. He doesn't own a thing and he pays for nothing.

My question is, does he have like this massive nest egg? Does he have like a whole lot of cash sitting somewhere? Oh, yeah. Maybe. My partner can't do the dishes, can't do the washing. Sounds like he won't do the dishes and won't do the washing.

Trinity, who's the adult child? Oh, my partner, unfortunately. Oh, okay. And how long have you been putting up with this? Four and a half years now. So what kind of stuff do you have to do for him? Well, actually it's not me. It's just his family, really.

Kind of just giving up on taking the reins. And, um, he just doesn't do his washing, doesn't do the dishes. His mum still saves for him and manages his bank account. Oh! Mum manages his bank account. How old is he? 23. And does she like, does she say,

why have you spent $49 here? Does she like pull him up on some of his spending? Yeah, what's this? Oh gosh, I've just stayed out of that just because I don't want to get in the,

you know, get in between the in-laws and whatnot. 23, why don't you send him off to war? You know what I mean? I might just send him home to get it.

Toughen him up a bit. That's what we need, a giant worldwide war. Send these 16-year-olds off to face uncertain death, and if they do survive, they saw, you know, nine of their best friends killed. That'll hurry them up. That'll harden them up. Does he take his own washing home?

Pardon? When you say they do his washing, does he take that round to their house? Oh, yes. So he takes his, he specifically takes his wipes

around to his nan's house. Oh, to be fair. She is the best to, you know, you come across. Yeah, to be fair, I mean, no one washes

a white shirt like my mum. You know what I mean? Trinity, thanks for sharing more messages in. 49-year-old, still at home. Oh, that 49-year-old we were talking about? Still at home?

That I see he doesn't have a nest egg? Nothing. Oh, right. Doesn't have anything. He's a loser. That's what they followed up with. There's some real animosity there. Some real animosity there.

Look, he's just finding his way. He's finding his way. Yeah. Someone said, Mothers of sons need to cut the bloody umbilical cord. They're creating very needy men. I'm the mother of my mother is the mother of a son.

Yeah. And I was taught to do everything. My father was taught to do everything by his mother because she inherited a man who she did everything. My papa didn't even know where anything went. And she said, this isn't happening to my sons. Right.

So she taught them everything, like cooking and cleaning and everything. So that's just been passed down. Really driven home. Are you sure she's not just lazy? Her mum. I'll get her on the phone. You call her lazy. I'll get Christine on the phone.

You call her lazy. She's 100% not lazy. She's scary is what she is. Yeah, I'm scared. I don't want to talk to her. Bro, you're going to have to talk to her today because She's 100% not lazy. She's scary is what she is. Yeah, I'm scared. I don't want to talk to her. Bro, you're going to have to talk to her today because it's August's birthday. She's going to be like, I've heard French called me lazy. And I'm going to be like, oh, my God, here's his number. Call him.

Talk to him. I don't want to hear it. Somebody said, I know someone who has a partner and a child. She lives in one of her dad's houses and her mum pays their rent. So that's a female adult baby. Yeah, right. That's good to hear that there's still a couple of them out there because it's been fairly male heavy.

Someone said, as someone who has been described as an adult baby, why would anybody want an adult? It's shit and really expensive. Not wrong. No, this is true. Not wrong. There's not a lot that's fun about it. Not wrong.

You think about back when you were a kid, you got to pack lunch every day. Didn't even have to worry about that. Just walked out. Bag of chips. Food in your bag. Sandwich. That's good stuff. Well, most people.

Not everybody. Yeah, true. This is true. I know a guy who owns a business on paper, but his mum runs the entire thing and looks after everything to do with the business because he did for a couple of years and nearly ran it into the ground. Oh, God. Mum stepped in.

I hope mum's getting paid. If mum's getting paid, though, mum's now a personal assistant because she's got a... Yeah, but also mum could be laundering drug money through that company and he's on the... Smart from mum, though.

Yeah, yeah. Smart from her. And then the control freak mum's, my ex never got a chance to be an adult because his mother babied him so much she controlled his bank accounts, questioned every spend. We went for lunch once and she rang him afterwards

saying, what have you eaten? And he said, sushi. And she said, how many people are you buying for and how many pieces of sushi did they have? Oh my god! No! That's a huge problem too. In case you don't already know. Pack up your shit and go. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the Day starts with a question.

Okay. What year do you think the first built-in cup holder was put in a car? In like big McDonald's time. Was it the 50s or the 60s? The 60s? The 60s? Yeah, I'll pick a decade. They drank water and stuff before.

No, it was only for soda. She's using the drive-thrus, the sodas. No, but they were driving movies. Were they driving movies before they were driving fast food? They would have been. Okay, let's go 50s. Well, you're thinking even 40s. I think driving movies and drive-thru probably came up at the same time.

That real car. 50s. That real car culture. I'd say 50s or 60s would be my guess. You're both idiots. You're both dumb idiots. What? 1983. Oh my god.

Way later than you expected, right? Because I thought the same thing. I thought it would have been in the 50s. That's hard because they were all driving manuals too back then. So they would have been going through the drive-thru, have a car, been doing the stick shift. Where are you putting it? Where are you putting it? Passing it then. So they would have been going through the drive-thru, have a car, been doing the stick shift. Where are you putting it? Where are you putting it?

Passing it around. My wife would hold it if I was in the 50s. Yeah, your wife would hold it. That's right. Or the gal that you're courting. What else is she going to do? She can't drive. Look, God no.

God no. So before that, there were like accessories. You could buy additional accessories for cars. Oh, yeah. Of things that could hold your cup. But there was no like built-in cup holders like we know them to be in cars these days. So the first thing that ever popped up in full-time was a minivan.

Okay. For the whole family. And they thought we should put cup holders throughout. So if the family was to all have a drink, they'd all have somewhere to put it. Right. On a road trip? Yeah. If they were to buy the extra accessories.

Because the extra accessories in the front, you would sit over whatever car. They'd sit over the middle console. But this one, they were like, well, there'll be this many people. And you can't have your drink up the front if you're down the back. Yeah. So you've got to do it. So yeah, they put it in. Huh.

And that was the invention of the actual inbuilt cup holder in a car, 1983. Again. Way late. Way earlier. So when you were born, there wasn't any? I lived for one year without a cup holder in any automobile. But I don't remember having a cup holder in the Falcon growing up in the old square at 1980s Falcon.

Yeah. Or any of our cars, really. Wow. Now you can get those little holders, you fold it down for your nuggy sauce. Yeah, those are great. Those are good. What?

Like a little holder? I've seen those online, yeah. Yeah, you can flip it down off the grill and you put your Chicken McNugget sauce in there. Well, we remember a while ago launched the spice rack, in-car spice rack. That's right. For, you know, extra fries seasoning.

Yeah, that's right. You have that on board. Yeah, totally. Pepper, chicken salt. That's a great idea. I'd imagine that's been in R&D for a while now. We'll probably start seeing that in cars in the next couple of years. So today's fact of the day is it probably happened way later than you thought,

but the first inbuilt cup holder didn't appear in cars until 1983. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Producer Jared had a revelation at Armageddon at the weekend. This is news to me. This is a revelation to me. There was a revelation as I was there and I didn't remember witnessing any revelations.

You were actually in the room when this happened, but I'll start at the beginning. Please, please, revelate. So we went to Armageddon Expo and did the eSports thing, which was covered in Red Bull. So I was absolutely going ham. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We walked down and sat down in the Red Bull area for like an hour and a half

and no one told us we weren't allowed there and Gerard was pounding Red Bulls and then they were like, do you have a pass? I was like, no. And then we left. Right, okay, because Jared loves his red balls. Yep, big fan. The body is how much percent water? 80? Yeah,

Jared's 80% red ball. Taurine, guarana, all that stuff. Yep, I've got wings, guys. Bull semen. I don't know if that's in there. It's a secret ingredient. Don't you remember the rumours? Why would they put bull in the title if there wasn't bull semen in there?

Yeah. Right. And it makes you fly. Look at you, second guessing his Red Bull intake. So then we did a few laps of the actual Armageddon Expo, which was pretty cool. Was it? Was it?

Carry on, please. During which I suddenly had a strong urge to go to the bathroom. Okay. So Vaughan and I spotted a loo. Oh, please. During which I suddenly had a strong urge to go to the bathroom. Okay. So Vaughn and I spotted a loo. Oh, yeah. And walked in. The cubicle, the toilet was like filled to the brim. There were some floaters swirling around.

So I thought, absolutely not, not going to use that. Oh. I noticed the other cubicle was in use and I was busting. So I did something I don't usually do, which is go to the urinal trough. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. I thought that was going to turn dark for a second. Oh, wait.

You only need to go wheeze and you didn't want to use the urinal. Yeah. It was very crowded. A lot of people. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because sometimes the spacing's not right, is it, at the urinal? No. What's the acceptable spacing between shoulder to shoulder at a urinal trough?

You need at least a person. You need a person gap, but then if it's a big event or a crowd, like you're at a stadium and it's halftime, you could be shoulder to shoulder. All right. Yeah. And, like, Vaughn was in the bathroom. I didn't want to use the urinal, but I did. I manned up.

Are you a little bit shy, little fella? Are you a shy urinal? Because some people get stage fright at urinals. Some people hate using them. They hate it. I love the convenience of it. In, out. Out.

Yeah, done. I was busting. I've talked about having a urinal at home just for ease, but there's no smell. I don yeah, done. I was busting. I've talked about having a urinal at home, just for ease, but there's no smell. I don't understand them. I was busting, I downed Troud, I popped out the little fella, and all of a sudden,

this whole busting sensation just retracted. No matter what I tried, I could not do a wee. No, it sucked back in. You got stage fright at the urinal. I was standing there with my thingy out. Yeah. Nothing happening.

That's weird then because everyone's looking at you going, what are you doing here, mate? I was fully aware that Vaughn is like a metre and a half behind me. There's also like 10 other dudes in here. Yeah. So I just pretended, zipped up, did a little shake, the whole thing. You did a shake? Wash my hands.

We put ourselves in a theater. Hey, shake it, if there's nothing coming out, get out of the way. Why didn't you imagine a waterfall or something? I tried, it didn't work. There was too many people. You can't stand this sort of deep breathing into the belly. Yeah, so I'd kind of long suspected that I'm a shy weir, but I'm again just fully locked it in.

Right. Because this is something women would never experience because you don't use urinals in front of... No, I mean, I'd pee with the door open with friends or we'd share a cubicle sometimes at a desperate event or something. I won't surrogate you as a urinal at the big day out. Yeah, I've seen a couple of chicks

back up into a urinal before. Classy. But, you know, and also I guess we don't have to bring anything out to go to the toilet. You I guess we don't have to bring anything out to go to the toilet. You know, we don't have to sort of pull something out. You don't have to present. Because were you worried that you were like, why?

What do you think it is? I don't know. There was like, because up until that day, even in a busy bathroom, I've always managed to snake a cubicle. But on that day, it was just not happening. And, yeah, then I just got all shy. So then what happened? You left.

When did the urge to pee come back? I never left. What if it was a urinal? Did it have, like, the little sides on it? Or was it a big, giant one? No, it was a big stainless steel trough. So if it had, like, sides on it so there was a little bit of privacy, would that have been better?

I'm not sure. I think people would have noticed that nothing came out of your pee pee. That's also what was running through my mind. Like the ones at work don't have a wall, but I've also never used those. You've never used those? No. What if no one's in there? You're worried about someone walking in halfway through

and you'll just immediately... Like when I walk into the bathroom and I see so-and-so using the urinal, my head immediately goes 180 the other way. Right. Because I always get a wee thing, aren't you? Yeah. You use the urinal Vaughan? All the time.

I'm exclusively urine 11 for number two. This honestly makes me cringe. So there is a new TikTok trend that has been set off by a mum, a mum of two, family of four. She's exhausted. You know, she's almost in a classic housewife role. She cooks the dinners every night for her family, growing family. So she's come up with an idea of how to, I guess,

be a bit more economical with your time when it comes to these busy evenings with your family, predominantly around not having to do the big cleanup, all the dishes and all the trouble that comes with that. So her method is you make dinner, whatever you want it to be. So for her example video, she's made spag bol. Okay. So we've got big she's made spag bol. Okay. So we've got big, meaty, mint sauce. We've got lovely, long spaghetti.

So once you've done it, you glad wrap the top of your table and you just chuck it on. What? So you just, she literally like tips a pot of pasta onto the glad wrapped table. We'll talk about the environmental impacts of this. Yeah, I was going to say, what if you had an old formica table like every good Kiwi home in the 80s had?

Yeah, yeah. That'd be fine. It's completely wipeable. I guess the thing is, you don't even have to wipe this. Oh. You just bundle it up. She literally tips a pan of mints on top, gives them all a fork, and they hoon in.

But the fork would go through the glad wrap and then you've got leakage. You could get like a vinyl, like some kind of vinyl plastic tablecloth and just wash that. Yeah, hose it down. Yeah. That is wild. And is there a term for it? It's called the messy dinner technique.

The messy dinner. Messy dinner technique. Also, how the glad wrap, would you have to overlap that? Absolutely. Or would it seep through? Yeah, you'd have to have a good overlap. Yeah. A lot of people are saying some plastic film can emit toxins when it's heated up.

So when you're putting your hot sauces on, it could be releasing some terrible things. But a lot of people said it's a lot of fun. Like they're just kind of tucking in. This reminds me of like what's in like New Orleans, you know, they do do those paper lined tables and they dump on. Jambalaya. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With like seafood and chicken and stuff and corn and you just kind

of eat off the table. Kind of like a charcuterie. Charcuterie. Charcuterie. Yeah, but mixed. Well, this is a platter. It is a platter. Yeah, it's like basically a platter. It's a dinner plerie. Charcuterie. Yeah, but mitts. Well, this is a platter. It is a platter. Yeah, it's like basically a dinner platter. It's deconstructed spag.

Yeah. A lot of people are saying it didn't work. They've been giving it a go and saying it was an absolute mess. Well, because a sauce could run off the table too. I know. And how do you like, if you have leftovers, like how do you then like scoop, like peel it up and get it into a Sistema?

This is wild. Put the pot that you cooked it in on the table. They say significantly less dishes. You've got the cooking pots and the forks. So they're not even using plates. No plates! The table is the plate.

And we all share one plate. That's not respecting the wood. Not respecting the wood. Yeah. No, and she is on a wooden table in this video. Oh, no. It'll get a big orange stain. Yeah.

Could you, like, lay plate holes into a wooden table, and then if you were to do this and line it with a plastic sheet. You could do some beautiful woodworking. Oh, I know. I see what you mean. And then use a marine varnish. Then you're still wiping the table. That's the thing.

You're still wiping the table. You're still wiping the table. And imagine, like, you always wipe the table after a meal. For the environment's sake, wipe the table. Don't use Glad Wrap every time. No. Yeah. Anyway, please give this a go.

And share your experience with us. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.