ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 15th November 2022

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Great barista made coffee. On the go. Just trying something there with that. Yeah.

I liked it. You liked it? I liked it. Okay, great. On the go. On the go. I like it. We get spicy on the podcast, don't we?

We do. All sorts of funny voices. We can swear, we can say, we can do funny character work. Some of our character work, our best character work comes out. Now, so serious, we've had some correspondence, a serious moment now on the show. Someone needs our help. They do. Quick team to the help mobile.

On the go The run guy is a guy called Guy Who is British Okay And he has messaged us Hey team So this is a perfect opportunity maybe for some of your accent work Hello Govnish There you go

I've got a quick question It's not potty or potty related opportunity maybe for some of your accent work. Hello, Govnish. There you go. I've got a quick question. It's not potty or potty related. It's distracting. Well, Guy says, Cara and I, now at this stage, we are going to have to assume Cara is Guy's partner. Yes. Girlfriend or wife?

You see any wedding photos? Oh, good question. Don't know. It's come through on, oh no, Partner? Yes. Girlfriend or wife? You see any wedding photos? Oh, good question. Don't know. Heathens or- It's come through on- Oh, no, there we go. There's someone in a wedding dress. That's Cara. So I'd say wife.

Oh, my gosh. Doesn't she look- Doesn't she look radiant? Oh, she went for a full train. Oh, my God. She's gorgeous. Oh, God. It looks like he's done a marathon.

It'll be talking your ear off about that. Well, his username is literally The Run Guy. Oh, you and him can talk about your times. Yeah, oh, no, because he looks like he's done more than one. Not a chubby plotter. That's why he's got a hot wife. Yeah, he looks like he's done more than one marathon, that's for sure. Okay, well, so Guy writes,

Cara and I have got the opportunity to move to Whakatane from the UK for a couple of years with her job. So I wanted to hear your thoughts slash reputation, et cetera, on the town of Whakatane. Oh, wow. Okay. Apologies for the randomness of this message, but after 12 years of listening to the podcast,

you're the closest thing I've got to Kiwi mates, and that's meant to be complimentary, not desperate. Well, we take the compliment. Compliment received. My dad's a bay boy. He's from Kawaro. Yeah. But Whakatane is, like, very close to that.

And what's a drive? Your dad's from Kawaro? Yeah. Jesus. He did all right, huh? He hides his stab wounds well. Yeah, he did well. Where does he?

Good Lord. Because my granddad used to. Does he still wear his gang patches? My granddad used to work At the mill The pulp mill Yeah Yeah right

And that's where they were from Whakatane Hands down Is beautiful Yeah Whakatane's awesome It is cool And you've got Tauranga

Not too far away Yep And the East Cape The other way Is a nice Rugged little Well I was just thinking If you need

You know the big shop experience Or you need You know A bit the big shop experience or you need, you know, a bit of a big town experience. Go to a hospital. And Ohope Beach. It's beautiful. Dangerous though. Is it?

Drops off quick. The beach. Ohope Beach. I'm into it. I got caught in a rip. Yeah, yeah. Swim between the flags. They've got a lovely caravan park there.

I spent a few summers there. Great tsunami evacuation zone as well because that's a thing to think about. In fact, it was on that coast. At the Ohope Beach Holiday Park was where I won the instant pilling eating competition with hands back, no hands involved, face straight in the bowl. Is that why you're so good at eating pud? At eating pud.

Far out. Not what I thought you were going to say. I know it's the podcast, but behave. That's all you say. Good at Eating Pud. Thank God for that D. Shame on you. Thank God for the D is all I can say.

And shame on your mind for going there. I know. I did that. I entered the Miss Ohope Beauty Pageant. Oh, really? Yeah, because my uncles lived there. Miss Ohope Beach. I remember that.

Yeah, I entered it when I was nine. Didn't place. Yeah okay. I mean you blossomed. You were a fugly little Fugly little kid. Fugo baby. Fugo. Should have left me in the hospital. No if I can tell he's beautiful

it just depends as well on the industry they want to work in. Well I'm saying his partner has a job. I don't know what Cara does. It must be like some kind of, I don't know, yeah, like a decent job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if you're going to move all that way. Yeah.

Yeah. But yeah, I mean, that's the thing. From there, buy a car. You're only an hour or so away from so many great places. And you've got the 110. You can drive 110 on that freeway. Oh, the 110. You can drive 110 on that freeway. Oh, my God. You can drive on the 110 freeway.

On the 110. Up to Auckland, the big smoke if you need to. No, she's talking about the 110 out the back of Papamoa. Out the back of the mount. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you go over the hills, and if you get into Auckland, on the 110 expressway. In fact, you could take a creative way and do all three 110 highways. Oh my god,

you're so close to all the 110 freeways. 110 is $1. You're fucking flying. Everyone goes 120 anyway. It's 120, which is only 10 way over. 110 equals 120. You should do it. I think it's a cool place to live.

Be prepared for everything to cost like 8 million times as more as it does in the UK. But at least power's cheaper. Power's cheaper. Power's cheaper. And also don't be put off by moving to a place called whakatane. It's normal in New Zealand.

Yeah, to say that. To say that. It's a Maori word. Maybe this is for the first time they're hearing it. Whakatane. Pomso. They're going to have to sunscreen because you'll get fucking roasted. You'll get fuckatane roasted.

Absolutely. You'll be pink as anything and everyone will go, the pink poms are here. Yeah, the pinky poms. Beautiful estuary around there, as I recall. It's a beautiful estuary. It's so nice. Some native birds and some cockles. A bit of cockles.

A bit of seafood. Get into a bit of cockles. Now, you know he loves the bloody cockles. Oh, yeah, because he's from Britain, right? The Brits. I might have some cockles and chips. Yeah, cockles. A bit of seafood. Get into a bit of cockles. Now you know he loves the bloody cockles. Oh, yeah, because he's from Britain, right? The Brits. I might have some cockles and chips. Yeah, a cockles chowder. Yeah.

And a pack of chippies. Cockles chowder. Oh, gross. Well, there you go. Seafood chowder fucking sucks. I think we've- Oh, dude. Seafood chowder sucks and my wife won't stop ordering it.

Oh. I might go for a seafood chowder. Oh, not again. Yuck. Blech. Well, I think we've sufficiently sold for Katana. Yeah, I think so too. Enjoy. No, my, hi to my.

Welcome to New Zealand. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Two minutes past six. What's up, guys? I just said to the boys I'm in such a good mood

this morning. Is it because you're wearing active wear to work? I wear active wear to work. Yeah, okay. What have I been doing with these cutty jeans and proper bras and stuff? What's the mood? I feel limber.

Yeah, I'm fine. She does some clean shoes. They're brand new. They're not Oh, they're brand new, right. They're not clean in here. Right. I feel great. I think it's almost time to wear shorts to work. I wonder when you were going to move to shorts.

Yeah, because I'm going to hat today. Oh, yeah. You have to. Just wear them. Because I don't have the layer of material between my ears and the headphones. Would you like us to speak a little quieter for the rest of the show? Yeah, if we could just turn it down. Free fuel this morning.

Seven and eight. ZMT Tank is back. So listen out for the activator. Gave away a bit of fuel yesterday. Yeah, a bit. We had a buzz out, didn't we? Yeah. So the fuel amount counts out.

You've got to buzz in before the fuel cuts off. You've got to be brave. You've got to be brave. You've got to be brave. Your chance is seven and eight to win free fuel. I just realised why I'm in such a good mood. Vaughn, you missed this. I poached eggs in the microwave. Oh, yeah.

No, I heard you say that you poached eggs in the microwave. You saw a lady on TikTok doing it. I saw a reel, yeah, and then I went, ooh, I'm going to try that. So I brought in two pieces of toast, some marmite, some avocado. Lovely. Because you know that's not the only way. And a couple of eggs.

They looked a bit rubbery though. One of them was a bit. Yeah, I had to use a steak knife to get through them. You should ask my mate Johnny. He does it at work every morning and he's perfected the technique. I need to message him because I have not perfected it. It was my first time. A bowl with boiling water in it, I know that much.

This is what I did. I put cold water in. No, no. Like an idiot. Like a damn fool. You pop it in and you microwave it for not long. Right. Yeah, 44 seconds was the guide I was going with.

But I had a runny white and a hard-boiled yolk. I mean, that's not right. Yeah. That's the antithesis of a poach. Anyway. We'll try it tomorrow. Follow me on my poach journey. My microwave poach journey.

Coming up on the show, we've got the top six, but next. One of my favourite comedians, Joe Lycett. He's so funny. He's given David Beckham an ultimatum. Has he done something like this before? He's full of... He changed his name to Hugo Boss. That's right. That's who it is. He's full of stunts. Yeah, he's a stunty comedian. He's full of... He changed his name to Hugo Boss. That's right. That's who it is.

He's full of stunts. Yeah, he's a stunty comedian. He's a stunty comedian. But this one, it's outrageous. Okay. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Joe Lysa, a British comedian.

I've always found him very funny. My mum saw him on a little Apollo Live or something and she bought me the DVD of Joe Lysa's stand-up special. She said, I think you'll like him and I've liked him ever since. She was right. Very, very well known for, was it QI he was on? Yeah. And he explained about how he interacts.

Like if he gets a parking ticket, he writes a letter and there's a lot of that. Or he was the one that was in the block of flats and he got a note from his neighbour about a party and he said, what time shall I be there? And like, you weren't invited. Yeah, he kind of goes into real world, like he has that show,

Joe Lycett's Got Your Back or something, you know, and he like goes into people's lives and they've got a problem and kind of gets involved and it's very funny. Anyway, he is not only a comedian, also a homosexual. And, are you all right, Vaughan? Are you all right?

Do you need a moment? Oh my goodness. Do you want me to explain what that means? Are you all right? You've figured it out. I've worked it out. He's working it out. So, and he's taken umbrage with David Beckham.

Now you may know that the World Cup, the, what do they call it? Football Worldham. Now, you may know that the World Cup, the... Football. What do they call it? Football World Cup. FIFA, yeah. FIFA is kicking off. Yeah, you're doing really well.

Thank you. Not my sport. Real soon. Real soon. Like a week away. Just yesterday, they released the design for the stadium they were going to build, and everyone's like, looks like a vulva.

Yeah. And it's in Qatar. Here we are. Right? Yeah. Or Qatar, as we wrong vulva. Yeah. And it's in Qatar. Here we are. Right? Yeah. Or Qatar as we wrongly call it. I think it's Qatar. No, you mean to say Qatar.

Qatar. And we say Qatar. Qatar. Qatar. It's like how, what's his name, calls Jacinda Ardern, Jacinda Ardern. It's like you're putting the emphasis on the wrong one. Ardern. Stephen Colbert.

Anyway, so it's happening in Qatar. And so lots of people like celebrities and stuff have been going, we're not going to support this. We're not going to play at the opening ceremony. We're not going to do that because Qatar is quite famous for their lack of human rights. Yes. And their criminalisation of homosexuality or anything like that. Women, I mean, they've only just allowed women to drive

within the last five years or so. Do you remember when they found that baby in the, I don't know where it was, in the bathroom at Qatar airport and they pulled all those women off the plane, put them in ambulances on the time act and gave them inspections? Oh my God. And like most of them were Australian.

And yeah, like, do you remember that? It was like a couple of years ago. I don't remember that. I do not, sir. Horrific. They like literally, if you were of childbearing age, they dragged you off the plane. And looked at you and made sure you didn't just have a baby.

Yeah. Lots of them were Aussies. It was a flight to Australia. Oh my God. I would be kicking and screaming. And the government's just like, eh. Yeah, we can do that. Anyway, so Joe Lycett's issue with David Beckham

is David Beckham is going to be the face of the Qatar World Cup despite all of this. Now, David Beckham's been very outspoken in support of same-sex relationships. Like, this is not something that he stands for. However, he is reportedly going to earn $300 million New Zealand dollars as the face of this World Cup.

$300 million. Would you turn a blind eye to these things for $300 million? I think most people would. I'd send a group text to all my homosexual friends. Soz, I'll buy you a drink. I'll buy you a espresso martini next time we're out. I'm about to be paid $300 million. All I ask is you never go to Qatar.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, please. So I don't have to come and bail you out. Yeah. So he took to Twitter tagging David Beckham. This is a message to David Beckham. I consider you, along with Kim Woodburn and Monty Don, to be a gay icon. You were the first premiership footballer

to do shoots with gay magazines like Attitude, to speak openly about your gay fans, and you married a Spice Girl, which is the gayest thing a human being can do. But now it's 2022, and you've signed a reported £10 million deal with Qatar to be their ambassador during the FIFA World Cup. Qatar was voted as one of the worst places in the world to be gay.

Homosexuality is illegal, punishable by imprisonment, and if you're Muslim, possibly even death. You've always talked about the power of football as a force for good, which suggests to me that you've never seen West Brom. But generally, I agree. So with that in mind, I'm giving you a choice. If you end your relationship with Qatar, I'll donate this 10 grand of my own money, that's a grand for every million you're reportedly getting, to charities that support queer people in football. However, if you do not,

at midday next Sunday, I will throw this money into a shredder. Oh, wow. I must have read that wrong, that he's, no, he's going to make 150 million. Anyway, but basically he's going to shred this money if David Beckham goes ahead with it. And that's next Sunday, which is coming up.

This Sunday? This Sunday. Oh, wow. Okay. I mean, David Beckham is going to earn so much money from this. He could just replace that money. What's his net worth? He's not poor.

He doesn't need to do this, does he? Oh, David Beckham. Yeah, because was it Dua Lipa is one of the celebrities that's come out and said, I've never even entertained the idea of doing anything to do with. No, and then something came out as well about how much she was offered to get in. It was millions as well. David Beckham net worth. Does he need it?

500 million? US dollars? Times, you know, we do have, you know, time's a tough cost of living. Yeah, inflation. Inflation, like, you know. Cabbages and stuff, they're like $7. $7. Yeah.

The other people have, like, he's not a musician, but performed for. Oh, yeah. Beyonce was paid $2 million to perform for Gaddafi's son. Omar Gaddafi's son. Oh. And I remember J-Lo. Was it J-Lo performed for a Saudi prince? Oh, yeah, because they've got the money.

They just fly them over. They're not private concert. They have the money. Yeah. They pay insane amounts of money for these sorts of things. What would your price be for you to MC? I just don't like admin. Yeah, right. And like, he's getting paid

a fortune, but now he's got to deal with all this. Yeah, same. I think I'd be like, sure, and you take a bigger stance and go, I'm out. And then people probably pay you to be the face of something else for tens of millions of dollars. Yeah, maybe, but it's just worth avoiding having to deal with people.

Well, watch this space. Will Joe Lycett shred $20,000? Which is illegal. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. You've just got the king's or queen's face on it. Sacrilege. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

People that are shorter are forking out a lot of money to grow a few inches. Is this predominantly men? It is, yes. Now, there's a man, and Unilater have done an article. This is what I'm referencing here. There's a man that's 5'7". Now, I believe producer Jared, the same, 5'7". Yeah, a whopping 5'7".

Now, if you won Lotto, Powerball, like a big Powerball, would you pay money to grow two inches? Yeah. Two inches? Yeah, two or three. Like, I don't want to be massively taller, but... You wouldn't be able to buy slacks at a normal store. Yeah, I want to know what the top of the fridge looks like.

It's dirty, bro. It's dusty. Yeah, it's yuck up there. It's real yuck. I moved to the... I want to know what the top of the fridge looks like. It's dirty, bro. It's dusty. Yeah, it's yuck up there. It's real yuck. I moved to the garage fridge yesterday. God, it was just like, how did you get this dirty? It gets greasy and sort of

like a seal on it and then the dust coats it. If a fridge is inside, is it that machine that makes the top of the fridge greasy? No, because my fridge is greasy and I don't have it. I think it's just all the cooking and it sort of just settles somewhere. Yeah, right. But I thought we were moving on.

I thought we stand a short king. Yeah, I think there are some people that stand a short king and then other people that still make fun of a short king. We're all the same size lying down. He's not bloody wrong. Suddenly, I read a tweet this morning.

A woman said, in the last month, I've slept with a 25-year-old, a 35-year-old and a 45-year-old. And I'll tell you what, once it all gets going, it's very hard

to tell the difference. That's good. That's nice. It's interesting, isn't it? Good sample size. Well, she's gone for a good demographic spread, that's for difference. That's good. That's nice. It's interesting, isn't it? Good sample size. Yeah. Well, she's gone for a good demographic spread, that's for sure.

Good demo spread. So this guy that paid money to grow two inches, he paid 19, I'd say about just under 40,000 New Zealand dollars. Yikes. To do that.

Two inches. I thought it was going to be more. Okay, so if you get both, so what they do is they break. You do one leg? Oh, Han, save up for two. Come on now, you're just one lotto. So they break the femur

and they basically put a metal rod in it and just give you the extra height. What about your muscles and stuff? You just have to work at stretching them out. I think so, yeah. But then there's also, you can also get it broken in two places or get all four bones extended and that will set you back

$275,000 US. Still keen, Jared? So that's $50,000 for four leg breaks, extensions, metal rods, and that makes you grow a little bit more taller than two inches. Because I'd be interested to know the healing time.

Well, it's a two-year package. Oh, okay. So I'm assuming you've got to go back. Rehab. Yeah. Exercise. I mean, you're not supposed to grow that fast, so your skin would stretch. It's all like that. Muscles would hurt.

It's weird, isn't it? And all your height's coming in your legs. Then you're going to have longer legs. Yeah, I'd be disproportionate. Maybe I wouldn't. No, but I'm disproportionate as well because I'm 5'11", but I've got very short legs.

Short legs for a tall girl, you know? Yeah. So I'd maybe do this because I've got a long torso. Long in the torso. girl, you know? Yeah. So I'd maybe do this and put, because I've got a long torso. Long in the torso. God, I can't wear a jumpsuit, tell you what. Cut you in half. Yeah, I eat it.

Okay, well that's... Leave that image with you for 6.22 on a Tuesday. Your bum's like... Not my bum, mate. I was just about to say, and your family says, save some, mate. I was just about to say, and your family says, save some for me. I'm hungry too. Next on the show...

Something like sharing a meal with your neighbour. Oh, of course. Break bread. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley from the bustling ZM Think Tank. This is the Top Six. Hello. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. Blah, blah, blah. Hello.

First available on November the 15th, 2001, the Xbox sold 16 million units in North America, 6 million in Europe, 2 million in Asia Pacific, 24 million worldwide. Which is the start of the millennia. Quite the sales. That's how much they sold in the first year. No, that's how much they sold in the first generation of Xbox.

Oh, I was going to say, I thought there'd be way more Xboxes than that. Oh, yeah, way more. Way more. Xbox 360 sold more. Yeah. Xbox One. It just goes on. It goes on and on.

Wow. It was Bill Gates, apparently, was just like, we can do this. And people were like, yeah, I don't know. And he was like, good at done. Because PlayStation was already out, right? Yep. Yes, PlayStation 1 was out.

And Xbox went up against PlayStation 2. Yeah. And GameCube, which was the Nintendo on the market at the time. Nintendo were always like the lowest sellers, but like the cult following. And then Sega was gone by then. Sega was gone. Sega returned to making games by then.

Oh, yes. We've still got our Sega at home. I wonder if we could plug it in. Master System or Mega Drive? I don't know. Retro. Alex Kidd, Miracle World built in. Yeah, yeah.

Master System 2. Alex Kidd. Absolute classic. But so that's 21 years ago today. Wow. Since the launch of the Xbox. I've got the top six things that have happened in the 21 years of Xbox. Number six, 97 million chances at sex have been lost due to screen gaze.

That's when you're so concentrating on the screen, you're missing the point that your partner's... Yeah. Baps out. Baps out or doodle out for the lady gamers. Yeah. And they're like,

you don't even see it. You've got your blinkers on. You're concentrating on the screen. Come to bed, Barry. Barry just is... Barry's not coming to bed. No.

Barry's not, is he? He's deep in the Xbox. Yeah. He's taking on the flood in that level of Halo where the flood just keeps coming. And you've got to have

a shotgun to clear your path. We all know what it's like. Or on Halo 3, he's driving the warthog on the flood in that level of Halo where the flood just keeps coming. And you've got to have a shotgun to clear your path. We all know what it's like. Or on Halo 3, he's driving the Warthog on the last level and just pinning it. There is no other option on that level than to pin it! Number five on the list of the top six things that have happened in the 21 years of Xbox. 120 million mums have hidden your controller

to get you outside with your friends. Yeah. Get some vitamin D. Yeah. Or mum would take the batteries out back in the old days when the first wireless ones came out to take the batteries and you'd be like, I need some batteries, ma'am.

Look at me, pretending I was still living at home. 20 years ago. I had a stint at home. Number four on the list of the top six things that have happened to me. Unemployed. Beautiful. It's good, eh? Did a chainsaw course. Did I did a chainsaw course.

Did you do a chainsaw course? I had to go and do courses with winds to get my money. And I went in and I already knew how to use a chainsaw and they were like, you can pop off home if you want. And then it was painting the fence. I got to go home early because they painted the inside of the slats and nobody else did. Everyone just did the face

and we were just like, done. But I did the face, the back and the inside. I hate when I see when someone's painted their fence and they haven't painted in the... The cracks. If you're not going to be able to reach inside after it's up, paint it before you put them on. Yes. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

It's actually much easier to paint it before you put it on than just give it a little touch up. Yeah. Where the screws go. What a handy hint from you. A tip. Yeah. This is why I got to go home early from the WINS course.

Do WINS still run courses like that? They do when I left drama school, straight on. But it was called Job Seeker when I went on it, and you weren't allowed to just cruise. You had to go and do upskilling things. But then you were let off if you got some work experience. You just needed a letter. And that's what I did.

Yeah, right. Got some work experience. Number four need a letter. And that's what I did. Yeah, right. Got some work experience. Number four on the list of the top six things that have happened in the 21 years of Xbox. 315 million 12-year-olds have said something very derogatory about your mum. Yeah, gamers

are ruthless, eh? They really are. Yeah, little brats. Little generation of men who have no respect for how they talk to anybody. Number three on the list of the top six things that have happened in 21 years of Xbox. 1.1 billion men have questioned their sexuality based only on hooking up with Master Chief from Halo. A seven foot four genetically engineered beast of a man. Maybe we should just have a little look at this.

Gordona. Yeah, because you love a tall man, don't you? Fuck, eh? You love a big boy. Yeah, fuck. Master Chief. You're looking at Master Chief. Yeah, I you love a tall man, don't you? Thick, eh? You love a big boy. Yeah, thick. Master Chief. You're looking at Master Chief. Yeah, I'm having a

good look at Master Chief. You know the thing about in the game you never saw his face. Yeah, what's his face like?

You never saw it and he was a man of mystery and his voice. His voice. He's hiding his face. Have you heard

Master Chief's voice in the games? It's real deep. You just know. Did I just become a gamer? I think you just became a gamer.

Wow. Number two on the list of the top six things that have happened in the 21 years of Xbox, 7.2 billion. Uh-huh. I will soon. I just can't stop because I can't save it here. I've been muddied at partners. You just need to get to it.

What was the thing that you'd have to get to? Save point, check point. Yeah, check point. Soon. No, no, no, soon. I will. I just can't save here. I'll just lose my progress. Yeah, we've got to go. Soon, checkpoint. Soon. No, no, no, soon. I will. I just can't save here. I'll just lose my progress.

Yeah, we've got to go. Soon, soon. And number one on the list of the top six things that have happened in the 21 years of Xbox. An uncountable amount of people have finished playing a level, put their controller in their lap to get a snack, and it starts to rumble. Oh, okay. Triggering a sexual awakening. Oh, really? Triggering a sexual awakening. Oh. Triggering a sexual awakening.

And don't tell me that's how lots of, like, girls in flats got into gaming as well. So I'm just saying. Just saying. Just making a character run into walls. Yeah. Oh, what? Just shoot my character again? Oh, yeah, interesting.

Interesting. Interesting. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. Yummy, yummy, yummy. In my tummy. It's so rich and good.

Well, we've got a new chocolate, a new flavour. We sure do. In time for Christmas, by the way, 39 days away. Did we need another Christmas Chalky? To tempt us to skip breakfast at Eater Block. So, this... White chocolate, though. It's not real chocolate.

It's trash. Oh, my God. I don't quite know how to get into that. I'm sick of all my life having this argument with people. Must be so hard. White chocolate is chocolate. It's yum shush. Okay.

So, this is a Cadbury, I believe. The defence rests, Your Honour. No. I have no argument against that. This is a Cadbury, Cadbury Dream. That's their white choccy, isn't it? Yeah. White Christmas, it's called.

Okay. Creamy white chocolate with raspberry flavoured jelly pieces, rice crisps and almond pieces. See, I like everything about that except for the white chocolate part. Yeah, see, I don't know if I need bits in my white chocolate. You prefer your white chocolate smooth? Yeah.

Just the rice pieces, that put me off. A bit of crunch, a bit of puff. Yeah, a bit of difference in texture too. Now, this, producer Jarrod, have you tried this? Yep, I had some yesterday. You put it in your prep to talk about,

and yet somehow, I don't know, the block's not in the studio. Yeah, look, I was going to bring in the block, and then the block turned into a third of a block. It's inside you, isn't it? Yeah, now it's inside me. Now it's inside you. I mean, fair enough. You put it all inside you.

I took the whole thing. Well done. He was a bit dusty yesterday though. Wow. Yeah, but he's a little eater. I know, anytime we eat, we're stoked. Anytime he has a big meal like that. Yeah, because we get the leftovers, right? Yeah. If we're out for breakfast

and he has a big breakfast, we're like, he's not finishing that. The rosti's mine. Yeah, yeah. He's like a child, basically. Yeah. You get to eat their meal. This reminds me of like my mum used to make in the 90s and early 2000s like a white chocolate slice. You know, like it was a Christmas slice and it had like bits of... This is ringing bells? Yeah, same.

I can't remember what it had in it. It wasn't glazed cherries, was it? Might have been. It was maybe a bit of almondy essence, maybe. Because the raspberries in this are like... Yeah, cherries are a bit of almondy essence, maybe. Because the raspberries in this are like, cherries are a bit more Christmas. Yeah. Than raspberries.

Although raspberries in New Zealand are very Christmas, aren't they? Sort of like that feel, eh? Like one of those white chocolate. Rocky Road kind of feels. Rocky Road kind of vibes. Christmas one. Dried fruits and nuts and stuff. I tell you what, I'd have a square.

There are so many flavours of chocolate now. Like, you know when you stand in the chocolate aisle and you look at them all? Yeah, there's like shoes and pastry flavoured chocolate. Last night, Shadow said, is there any chocolate? Yeah, in the house. Oh, yeah. I said, oh, shit, okay. And there was a tiny block in there.

Yeah. And she's like, do you want a square? I said, one square. And she opened it and she put one square. I didn't even say it. It just went straight in my mouth. Oh, yeah. I was fed.

Oh, like a lucky dip. Oh, you were like. Yeah. I was like, oh. And she's like, what do you think of that? And I was like, oh, I don't like that. What was it? And she's like, what don't you like about it And I was like, oh, I don't like that. What was it? And she's like, what don't you like about it?

Like it was a test. I said, vegan chocolate. And she's like, you've picked it. Wow. We got given a block. We didn't purchase it. Oh, right. We got given a block.

It's been sitting there for ages. What is it? Is it just grass? Yeah. Brown, mullied up grass. Okay. Yeah. With some molasses. Oh, yeah. I assume it's molasses. Right. Yeah, it mullet up grass. Okay, yeah. With some molasses.

Oh, yeah. I assume it's molasses. Right. Yeah, it wasn't nice. Okay. Of all the chocolates in the world. Yeah. That one got put in my mouth last night.

Damn it. Always a shame. Damn shame. Hope for a better one tonight. I was thinking of spitting it out. Was it that bad? Oh, just to save the calories, you know, because I'm calorie-grabbing.

So it's like, this is not... If you're going to have calories, at least have dairy in it. Yeah, I could have another two whiskeys, you know. Two whiskeys for one square. You've got your maths wrong. You've absolutely got your maths wrong there. Look, I'm not very good at whiskey maths, all right?

Under 25s, you are far more likely, three times more likely to have your car stolen according to insurance. Of course you are. Of course you are. But you're also three times more likely to drive a car that isn't the top stolen list. I think when I was under 25, my car was worth like $500.

Yeah. My first car was 500 bucks. Yeah. And it didn't lock. Mitsubishi 1992 Mirage. Oh, yeah. Square. Mitsubishi Mirage.

Wait, let me guess. Those Mitsubishi Mirages came in gold, like a dark maroon-y red, a silver, a champagne. Did they do a champagne? That's what I was thinking was gold was a champagne-y. It was like a dark maroony red, a silver. A champagne? Did they do a champagne? That's what I was thinking was gold was a champagne. It was like a dark silver. Yeah. Gunmetal grey. Yeah, gunmetal grey.

Sort of silver, yeah. And it had no lock. Like the lock broke off and I was like, like who cares? Yeah. And I had my own installed CD player and that got stolen like a couple of times. Who cares? Did you not have a removable faceplate? Yeah, I didn't.

Did they still have removable faceplates? It was one of those units. Iplate? Yeah, I didn't. Did they still have a removable faceplate? It was one of those units. I didn't know. I didn't know if they need to. Do they now? God, like no one stole my car. I actually sold it to a friend and it lasted for many, many years after I was done.

You bought it for $500. How much did you sell it on for? A couple of hundred maybe. Right, okay. Sorry, Dylan. It's not bad depreciation. To be fair though, like I did, I was a cigarette smoker at the time

and my window didn't go down, so it stuck. Oh, dude. Yeah. You are disgusting. I don't know how people can smoke in their own houses or their own cars. Let alone, I had the window out and then I had the passenger window down. Blowing it across, which famously never works because if you try to chuck something out the passenger's window,

it just gets blown into your back seat. Good car. So you, if you're under 25, are far more likely to drive a Honda Civic, a Subaru Forester, Ford Courier, Toyota Hilux. Those are my two questions for under 25s. Toyota Hilux? Yeah. Mind you, if you're a-

Those secondhand aren't cheap. No. Unless they're hand-me-downs. But if you're a rural under 25, that's your entry level. You, know Hilux Maybe like a 96 Maybe in the trades Yeah true

Get yourself a Subaru Impreza Mazda familiar Subaru Legacy Nissan Teed Yeah Mazda 6 And a Mazda Demio

Yeah They're all the most popular Stolen cars And broken into all the time So those are the ones And because they are also You know I've just also listed

a list of cars that will pretty much go forever. Yeah. Yes. They're more likely to still be on the road longer. You're likely to buy them

because they're a little bit cheaper with higher Ks. You're like its fifth owner. They're easier to steal. Yes. Yeah. So I don't think it's under 25s as much as,

yeah, it's just people who don't spend a lot of money on their car. Yeah. But you're three times more likely. News we already knew, right? Yeah. So, yeah, this one particular insurance company, AMI, said,

under 25s are, does it say 10%? 10% of their customers are under 25, yet they accounted for over 26% of their car thefts. Wow. No wonder under 25 insurance is so expensive. It is, eh? And then you have to add it to your insurance, right? If you've got a 25-year-old or under driving your car?

Yes. You have to add their name. A lot of parents, people are still on their parents' insurance, eh? Yeah. As an additional driver. What? Shame.

My parents pay for my car insurance. Do they? Honestly. Jane Sproul, you are a grown woman. My dad paid for my phone bill up to like three years ago. I'm still on my parents' health insurance and car insurance. My dad's retired. Now, health insurance.

Both my parents are retired. Health insurance, I can understand, because you'll never get a better deal if you come off their health insurance. No, I know. I looked into it, and then I had to are retired. Health insurance, I can understand, because you'll never get a better deal if you come off their health insurance. No, I know. I looked into it, and then I had to say to them, guys, I can't. You might be able to adopt their policy.

Oh, my gosh. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. You still are. There'll be some way around it, but you'll never, ever get a cheaper health insurance. Patsy's awake. I can see she's online. You pay them, but you should pay your parents.

You pay them back, or they just pay for your insurance. Oh, my God. They're retired. I officially earn more money than they do. It's just one of those things that got lost. I remember when Sade, and to quote her mother, became my problem. And they'd been paying for my wife's car insurance

and she was driving a turboed Lancer GSR. Now that was a fun car to drive, don't get me wrong, but the insurance, she was under 25 at the time. Oh yeah. The insurance was, I was like, that has got to go. Like how much? How much more expensive, like double? Dude, I think, no, I...

Loads. It was like, no, no, it was triple or quadruple because it was a turboed car. Like a boy racer. Can we just get back to the fact that Hayley is technically a beneficiary? No, but that's what I'm saying is, Sade became my problem and I was like, the car's got to go. Technically now I think your parents need to say to Aaron, she's your problem.

She's yours now. Yeah. They've got to do a handoff. A handoff. A sign over. I sort of thought once the wedding was out of the way, then I'm his problem. Right.

Until then, thank you, mummy. Thank you, daddy. Play it. ZM's Fletch Von Anele. Well, the other day I was targeted with some advertising for a travel pillow. Like one of the neck ones? No, so it's like a memory foam one that you roll up

and it's got like a carry strap on it and I was like, but it's not a full size like a pillow you'd have in bed. It's maybe like, a little squatty, maybe like 35 centimetres. So it would fit in your suitcase or you could take it on a plane. Okay. But it's not a

neck one. It's like a normal pillow and I was like, and it's memory foam. And, you know, I've been using memory foam pillows for years now. Yeah, I'm a memory foam gal. We go memory foam and feather. So you've got one real soft, puffy one and one quite firm, foamy one. You've got NASA technology and oldie times ducks. And oldie times ducks. NASA and ducks.

NASA and ducks. You go NASA and ducks. Of course. Wait, so you're a two pillow sleeper? Have been since the day I was born. Really? But why don't you just get... As a kid I was a two pillow sleeper and then I remember being like, it's too much. It's too much, yeah. No, but the feathers is basically nothing. Well then why not just get one big

pillow? No, feathers for me go on bottom. What's the point? Just get a big memory foam pillow. But you're going to have more pillows on the bed anyway to make it look

aesthetically pleasing. You might as well make them both sleep. I'm in the market for a new memory foam. Oh, really? Yeah. I feel like the one I've got

is lost. It's lost it. They do get a bit... Yeah, ours are a couple of years now. Yeah. Could be time. I'm open to a new one.

Well, I get this targeted ad and I'm like, this could be a bit of me. And so I click through and it's like a couple of hundred dollars and I'm like, this is now not a bit of me. No. It's no longer a bit of me. It's no longer a bit of me. I love the idea of it. Too many numbers on the wrong side of the decimal place. Yes.

You need to move that dot. It's now not for me. Yeah, it's now not me. But then it gets me excited because I'm going away this summer and I've got a few trips away and I'm like, I do miss my pillow because you get a motel or a hotel pillow. They're not as fluffy or they're too big or they're too small and you get a sore neck and it just ruins your weekend away or your holiday.

Of course. So I'm like, how do I get my pillow away? And I'm like, maybe I could just get a sore neck and it just ruins your weekend away or your holiday. Of course. So I'm like, how do I get my pillow away? And I'm like, maybe I could just get a bag. And then that gets me thinking of the compression sack that you take when you go tramping or hiking. Compression sack? Like a vacuum pack? No.

So it's like a bag and it's just got straps on the side of it. So I bought one at the weekend and tried it out and it worked. I stuffed my pillow in there. Your whole pillow? And pulled the straps down and it probably became like maybe a small ball size. Okay. Because memory foam, you can vacuum pack that and it will go to nothing. Yeah, it goes right down, doesn't it?

And so it's still a little bit here. I mean, if you've got a small suitcase, it might be a bit of an issue or weight-wise. But, oh, my God, I reckon it's a game-changer. That's a pretty good idea, because I thought you were going to say vacuum packing. I love to vacuum pack. But then you can't re-vacuum it. If you're away for three weeks on holiday.

Just suck it. What do you take? You just ask to borrow the hotel's vacuum cleaner? You find a cleaner with their Ghostbusters backpack vacuum on, and you're like, do you mind just sucking this? But I reckon it's a hack. That's not a bad idea. And then it's so small that you could put it on your carry-on

and then whip it out. It'll puff up. And then you've got a pillow. If you get a window seat right up against it, it'll be perfect. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah. I mean, probably would have worked on an aisle. So it's just like a little work just sitting. It'd be perfect. Oh, yeah, okay. I mean, probably would have worked on an aisle. It's too wide.

But if you've got a window seat and you could mush into the corner, amazing. Yeah, that's not bad from you, actually. Good, hey? Yeah, it is good. Yeah. I'm on board. So what's this? Compression sack? They're just called compression sacks. You know how you get the waterproof sacks? Yeah. Dry bags.

They're like a dry bag, but they've got straps on the top. Compression sack. All right. And would you usually stand on it and pull it tight? No, you just... Kneel on it. You just kneel on it. I'm going to go to Mac Pack.

Mac Pack compression sack. So Mac Pack have got them, like any of the kind of the stores have them. Mac Pack compression sack. Mac Pack compression sack. That's a free Mac Pack. You can use that. Yeah, that's a free jingle For Mac pack there Wow okay

I see them I'm picking up What they're putting down You just tighten the cord I'm just gonna I'm probably just gonna Stand five star hotels This summer

You've only got Like a pillow menu I've been doing quite well For myself Yeah you have been I always just Push the pillow On the top of my

My bag Do you take The pillow away with you? Yeah I never do I always just push the pillow on the top of my my bag do you take a pillow away with you yeah I never do yeah I'm excited to take my pillow away

I'm so excited about this gosh you live a thrilling life don't you I do don't I it's real rock star rock and roll yeah people think it's all

parties and stuff you know non-stop parties parties and pillows parties will you be well rested for the parties? Exactly.

Won't have a sore neck. Not at all. 20 past eight, next on the show. When should you move in with your new lover lover? I've been influenced by Shaggy. Well, when I do move in, it'll be with my pillow. How lame. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Fact of the day, day, day, day, day

Today's fact of the day is that for a country where homosexuality is illegal, frowned upon, and really in the spotlight at the moment, given that the FIFA World Cup is about to kick off, Qatar is a real sausage fest. Is it a sausage fest? A huge sausage fest. Okay. Huge sausage fest. What are the saucies doing there?

Today's fact of the day is Qatar is a sausage fest. Total population estimated at 2.79 million. Of that, males make up 2.06 million. What? There's only 700,000 females in Qatar and there's over 2 million males. Is that because they leave as soon as they are conscious? Perhaps. Yeah. Zero to four, 74, soon as they are conscious? Perhaps. Yeah.

0 to 4, 74,000 males to 71,000 females. So not, you know. The birth rates are kind of similar. Yeah, birth rates are kind of similar. 5 to 9, currently, 71,000 5 to 9 year old males. 69,000 5 to

9 yearold females. So still kind of similar. 10 to 14, similar. 15 to 19, similar. 20 to 24 is where it drastically changes. There's 200,000 males in the 20 to 24 demo, 44,000 females. Wow. So they're literally leaving as soon as they're old enough.

It seems so. Wow. What does that say? 25 to 29, there's 350,000 males. There's 90,000 females. 30 to 34, there's

just shy of 400,000 males and just over 100,000 females. Wow. So massive discrepancy there. Yeah, okay. And it carries on 30 to 34. There's like three times as many males. It's the same in the 35 to 39, the 40 to 44.

Yep, it continues on. It's not until it gets into the 70s that it starts to even out again. Wow. Wow, that is wild. And I reckon the 70s now, right, will be kind of, you know, it looks like they come back, but it won't. Like that probably won't, that'll age out. Yeah, yeah, it'll age out.

They never left. The 70-somethings there have just never left. They've always been there. The more modern women are leaving ASAP. Yeah. How have I never heard this before? That sounds like something that would sort of be known. This is a graph for

people at home who can't see this, but this is a graph that basically shows male females. This huge blue bit out here, this is surplus males. And it actually looks like a sausage, doesn't it? It does. It looks like a stiffy in a pair of shorts.

So in a very strict kind of country like that, what are those men doing? Looking for honeys? Very good question. I'm just saying they're very loud about not sleeping with dudes. We all went to school with that guy, eh?

Oh yeah, definitely. Aggressively and high. And then once he moved out of small town New Zealand We all went to school with that guy, eh? Oh, he definitely, yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely, you know, was aggressively anti. Yeah. And then once he moved out of small town New Zealand and moved to the big city, he was like, uh-huh. Any opportunity he had to talk about boobies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God, he'd go for it.

Oh, God, he loved being in the rugby scrum as well, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait for me, wait for me. Pitching up those shorts. Yeah, moves to the big smoke and gets a little bit of freedom. That is so wild. Yeah, crazy, eh for me. Pitching up those shorts. Yeah, moves in the big smoke and gets a little bit of freedom. That is so wild. Yeah, crazy. Crazy.

So today's fact of the day is despite it not being the friendliest place to homosexual both men and women. Yep. And the controversial opinions about those who are about to host the football World Cup, Qatar is a real sausage fest. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Prime Minister is in Vietnam at the moment. News to me. News to me. News to me.

I thought she'd done a typo. She wrote Viet space Nam, and I was like, oh, that's embarrassing, Hon. You've done a typo. Oh, no, that's not. And then, like, that's how they're all spelling it. Since when has there been a space in Vietnam? That's how Vietnam, people from Vietnam, the Vietnamese spell. Yeah.

But not Wikipedia. Not Wikipedia. Not the rolls. They spell it one. The Vietnamese spring rolls, that's one word too. Yeah, but they're not speaking Vietnamese. Oh, my God, yeah, in Vietnamese. There's heaps of countries that spell things slightly different

about themselves. Are you familiar with the English? They kind of just did what they want, made it easy for themselves, damned the locals, sorts of situation. Did they? Right. Yeah, it doesn't just extend to taking land. It's just taking liberties with how people roll the land, spell their own land.

And they got rid of the space. So the Vietnamese and the French, that wasn't a happy relationship? Not majorly, no. Right. What about the Philippines and the Spanish? Oh, yeah. Harmonious? Harmonious, in sync.

Right. And yeah, we got rid of the space between Vietnam and we also took the dot from under the E and the arrow from above the E. Learning something today. Wow. I'll tell you that. Well, a woman has gone viral because of something she does

to seat recliners on flights. So people who recline in front of her. Yeah. On a short economy flight, you get all the seat in you and you're like, you don't need to be doing this. Nah. On a long haul, you've got to do what you've got to do. After dinner, everybody can recline.

That's absolutely fine. I love a recline. But not on an hour flight. On a domestic flight, they shouldn't even have the button. Get rid of it. Get rid of the button. If the button's there, I'm going to use it. Get rid of the button.

Even Australia's no good for me. Three hours. Get over it. Yeah. No recline. You don't need a recline on a three-hour flight. So her, I guess, payback for seat recliners, she grabs the little swively air nozzle, points it at, and twists it to full,

and blasts them with cold air, which she in turn hopes will make them recline, or if they want to change it, they've then got to come face to face with her and then she can then trade off less air for seat upright. So the person says, hey, I'm a bit cold. Would you mind moving that away? I'm a bit crammed by your recline.

Maybe we could trade off air. But then the cold person would instantly know that she was doing it as a petty act. Yes. Not like, oh, I'm sorry. Is that blowing? No, I didn't realise. But then I like the would instantly know that she was doing it as a petty act. Yes. Not like, oh, I'm sorry. Is that blowing? I didn't realise. But then I like the blast of cold air.

Yeah, I like the cold air too. I don't think this would put me off if I was a recliner. I'm constantly hot on planes. Too hot and you can't move. It's awful. I love being blasted. But then if you're trying to sleep, the cold air can also wake you up. You wake up with one of those plane flus.

Oh, the worst. Tammy flu. No, Tammy flu was what you took to avoid getting the flu, wasn't it? Remember Tammy flu? What's Tammy flu? It was when bird flu was going around. In 2005 when it was the avian bird flu, it took around everyone, had Tammy flu at home.

Oh, my God. Maddie McLean's just texted and said I love it did she take it yes she did the photo of the ostrich cloud of course mum took the ostrich yes she did if you've just joined

if you've just joined the show just jump in the car Fletcher's mum's taken an amazing photo of a cloud that looks like an ostrich behind a short hedge have we put this up

on our socials it's gonna go big yes from New Plymouth isn't it of course she did it's amazing has this gone viral are we gonna make this go viral, you reckon?

Stand by, I think so. Next on the show, what is next on the show? I'll tell you what's next on the show. I have, this is a woman I relate to. I'm scared that I'll relate to. Right. And Ozzy, a new mum, she has taken to TikTok to share her experience

as a new mother. And I think she's having a little bit of buyer's remorse. Wow, okay. Some women are just born-to-be mothers, right? They feel it. I know lots of my friends, they've known it since the day they could comprehend it, they want to be a mum. I know lots of my friends, they've known it since the day they could comprehend it. They want

to be a mum. I've never felt the surge. Not to say I won't be a mum one day, but it's certainly not something I'm drawn to. I'm drawn to fun and freedom. Not so much ginormous responsibility in the form of a human being that I make

in my tummy. That's what you make it out. It's in the tummy. I believe so. Tummy area. Cook it in the tummy. a human being that I make in my tummy. Yeah. That's what you make it out, it's in the tummy. I believe so, tummy area. Cook it in the tummy, poop it out. Don't want to do it. That's how it works. That's exactly how it goes. Well, an Aussie mother,

you see so much motherhood on social media. Oh, it's so, you know, it's glorious. My kid's wearing this beautiful cream outfit, as if. You know, oh, look at my gorgeous kid. Oh, they're so lovely. I'm having the best time in motherhood. I'm drawn to this. I can imagine for a lot of people that's hard to watch.

An Australian mother has shared a very different experience on TikTok. Motherhood sucks and I hate it. I still hate it. It's been months. It still sucks. But I do think I need to come back and restate that I did make that video. We were fresh in the trenches. We are now what? He's almost five months old and it still sucks. I still hate it. Motherhood isn't for everyone. And don't get me wrong. I'm amazing at it. I don't know how. I didn't think I would be. I'm fantastic at it. Do I like it?

No. So she has clarified. Obviously she said, no, no, no, don't get me wrong. I love my child. Yeah, she's not saying she hates the kid. She loves her child and she says, you know, I'm good at it. I provide a great life for this kid. I'm doing everything for it.

But I don't enjoy it. And I'm not getting a lot of joy out of this for myself. I can't understand how the two aren't mutually exclusive. You've got, does she resent the child? I don't think so. I mean, I've had friends who have definitely had mixed experiences with becoming parents. Yeah. And they go like, no, no,

I can separate the love I feel for the kid from the job I'm doing as a parent. It's totally tough. But I think as well, this is one of my things I always worry about going like, especially if you birth the child, there's a lot of hormones that kick in and that maternal instinct kicks in and your protective instincts and stuff. Sometimes it doesn't happen.

And you just don't get that wave of like, I'm doing what I was born to do. Yeah, gotcha. And I imagine that that must be very difficult. There you go. Like, as a good, decent human being, I can still look at this child and realise it needs me. Yeah, yeah.

God, this sucks. But you can't just go to the pub, can you? You can't go to the pub. You can't do anything. It's sucking the life out of you. You've just got to take them to the pub. Oh, don't be those go to the pub. You can't do anything. It's sucking the life out of you. You can go to the pub. You can't just go and take them to the pub. Oh, don't be those parents that take your... No, but then you get booze in your boobs and you've got to pump and dump and all this kind of...

You know what I mean? It's a lot. I just think, I mean, I think maybe a lot of people, especially people who are like, love being a mum, might look at this and think like, oh, how ungrateful. You know, some people can't have children. But I think it's amazing that she shares this different perspective. She's not a bad mum. She's not abusing her child or neglecting her child.

She loves the child. She just hates it. Motherhood sucks. In fact, in one of her videos, she called motherhood a scam. Oh, really? She's talking about the fact that online everyone does share, like, you know, this, like, dream image of motherhood. And she was like, I'm in it now.

And I see. And it's not like that at all. This is a scam. This is an app. I've been ripped off. I mean, the thing is though, this kid's going to see these videos later, right? That's the other thing.

But again, she's not saying she hates the kid. She's just hating the experience. Also, we're in a new world. Like, I don't see parts of my parents because they it wasn't documented right yeah the kids now they're gonna see thing they're gonna see photos of you standing next to your friend who's having a chunny on the deck yeah i showed hayley a photo from my hamilton days yesterday harrowing yeah harrowing image yeah and you don't see we never saw those photos no i know the photos i see my parents are all curated in an album. Yeah. So it is.

I know. I always think this as well. Being like, one day your kid's going to see that. As an adult, imagine overhearing your mum say to her friend, just this motherhood thing sucks. Even as an adult, you can't separate that. You're like, that's me. She's saying I suck.

Well, maybe like I've had a friend who really struggled for a while and then one day it just hit them and they went, oh, I'm loving it now. Maybe they'll turn around. Or maybe it sucks. Too late now. I mean, I couldn't personally imagine anything worse. I'm pretty sure there's a no returns policy. Yeah, yeah.

Kind of do that groundwork before you have one. Yeah. Yeah. Would be my advice. Look after someone's. Yeah, like, you know, when you're trailing, should we get a dog? Yeah. Can I have your dog for a week?

See if we enjoy it. Yeah. Giz your kid for a week. We'll see how I go. Giz your kid for a week. I don't know. Is the contract not clear? I don't know.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Well, a school nurse Has had to call the police Because a 10 year old Came into the sick bay Oh the sick bay Yeah how good was the trip To the sick bay

Oh my god I used to love that Always smelt very heavenly Like death hole Death hole And disinfectant And the spew bucket God how many generations Of kids have spewed

In that bucket Many And what else Has that bucket? Many. And what else has that bucket been used for? Because it's a school. You know every bucket has multiple uses. Yeah, yuck. So this 10-year-old goes in and he's like, I need some Vaseline.

And the school nurse is like, I beg your pardon? I need some Vaseline. What on earth for? What does a 10-year-old need Vaseline for? He's like, well, they told me to keep putting it on my tattoo. And the nurse is like, here's a look. And the 10 year old who hasn't been named

has his name in block letters on his forearm. Now the school nurse is obviously like, is this real? And it's not henna, it's red, it's pussy. It's Vaseline. She's like, what the hell? And he's like, yeah, my neighbor did it. And the nurse is like, does your mom know? Yeah, she was there.

So the police are called. Mother and 20-year-old. Mother, 33. Neighbor, 20. Both arrested for multiple reasons. Yeah. Multiple. Multiple reasons.

But this 20-year-old next door is not also a licensed tattooist. Now, whatever state this was in America, you have to be a licensed tattooist. Yeah, can't be a rando. Prosecution. Because it's a health and safety thing. Needles. Yeah.

All sorts. You've got to work to a standard. But a 10-year year old has a tattoo on his name and block letter and so mum's in big trouble because of course

there's an age what is it 16 in New Zealand it's 16 in New Zealand with consent in America it's 18

even with your parents consent if it's 16 or 17 your parents said yeah you can get a tattoo you can't get it in America. Right. So at 10, falling a little short of the 18 line.

Very. Also, what a lame tattoo. Hayley. Imagine just on my arm. Yeah. Hayley. Because I'm imagining old Craig or Dylan next door who did the tattoo also didn't have good spatial management.

You know, when you're a kid and you were making a birthday card, you got to the end and the birthday was on down there if this kid still happens to me and as an adult right yeah it's so hard how shy it turns around the corner now i know producer jared you got your tattoo prematurely were you 10 no? No, I was 16. What's the rule in South Africa? I have no idea. I left South Africa at seven. Did you hear that?

You said, did you just hear that? You went, what's the rule in South Africa? And you went, I have no idea. You're like, I have no idea.

I actually have no idea. That'd be up to the bros. That would be up to the bros. Yeah. Yeah. And you've got an outline of South Africa. All of Africa. All of Africa.

The whole Africa, because I'm from South Africa, but lived most of my time in South Africa. And also, just the outline of South Africa, not very recognisable. Yeah, it's just a blob. Because it's just the tip. You've got a blob is what you've got. In South Africa, there is no law in place as yet

regarding age limit. On tattoos. Yeah. So a 10-year-old, there'll be law in place as yet regarding age limit. On tattoos? Yeah. So a 10-year-old, there'll be no chargeable offence. Oh, but then there's one here that says 18. So, I don't know, the internet. The internet, eh? It's got all sorts of opinions.

Jared, do you... At 16, and you are how old now? 28. Oh, I had to think about that, didn't I? Do you still like her? Yeah. Yeah. No regrets? So what if there's a huge't I? Do you still like it? Yeah. Yeah. No regrets?

What if there's a huge tectonic shift and Africa changes shape? Yeah. I'll be fine with it because this is back when I was there. Oh, gee, Africa. You should get Gondana land. That's the best place to get, if you're going to get a map on the wrist, because that's not a body part that blows out, but it's when people get a New Zealand.

On the guts. Yeah. Or a dragon around the old belly hole. You've got abs at 18, but then, you know, later in life... Yeah. I thought you were going to say it's a great place to get a tattoo because if you're lost, you can just look down and be like, okay, that's what I thought you were going to say.

Sort of around here. You know, if you're driving around Africa, you can be like, oh, yeah, it's a lift up here, I think. Like, I did make a slight mistake with it. Is it wrong? Yeah. There's no Madagascar. I was going to say, what have you got off the coast?

Well, you could add Madagascar in. I could just daily draw it in. And also, if you look and I just adjust my wrist like this angle, it turns into Australia. Yeah, right. That's the thing with skin, eh? It moves. Yeah.

I've got one on my ribcage, and if I'm slumping, God, it looks like a turd. It's terrible. But if I'm like this, it's very good. It looks great. It's perfect. People might not know this about Carl Wayne at the social media desk.

Covenant tattoos. Oh, yeah. She's got one of those big Japanese back pieces, doesn't she? She does, yes, from her time in the Yakuza. Of course. And sort of Dolly Parton-esque sleeves. How old were you when you got your first tattoo, Karween?

Like 22. Okay. Not young. I was 18 when I got mine. Right. A couple of months after my 18th birthday. I don't know, no regrets. No regrets.

No, because we've got virgin skin. Virgin skin. We've got virgin know. No regrets. No regrets. No, we're because we've got virgin skin. Virgin skin. We've got virgin skin. Virgin skin. And I'm still terrified of my mother. Yeah. Do you think even now she wouldn't be happy? She would hit the roof.

Really? You're a grown ass man. She would hit the roof. You're in your 40s. Yeah, she would hit the roof. Wow. All right. Well, we want to open up the phone lines this morning. I don't think

anybody is going to call up with a tattoo at the age of 10. Not far off though, one text in already. Are you kidding me? Not far off. How young were you when you got your first tattoo and what was it? There's going to be a lot of regret in this phone-in segment and I'm here for it. I'm excited

about the calls. I want to hear about your 18-year-old Playboy tramp stamps. Yes. A 10-year-old turned up to school in segment and I'm here for it. I'm excited about the calls. I want to hear about your 18 year old Playboy tramp stamps. Yes. A 10 year old turned up to school with his name tattooed on his forearm. His mother and a 20 year old tattooist have been arrested and we are asking you how

young you were when you got your first tattoo and what was it? And wow, there are some incredible I sort of thought maybe we'd be a bit more sheltered in New Zealand. Like 16, 17, 18. There are a lot of those and a bit of regret, but there are some incredible stories coming through.

There are some insane stories coming through. Like sad ones too. Super sad ones. I'm a teacher in Auckland. I've seen seven and nine year olds with big home tattoos. It's usually the kid's name in block letters done by their uncle for practice. Far out.

Oh my god. Don't you practice on a pig carcass? Don't you? You do. You go to the butcher and get pig skin. Yeah, yeah. Because it's the closest thing to human skin and practice on that. Don't practice on bloody children. They're going to grow so much. That thing is going to burst. That tattoo is going to practice on that. Don't practice on bloody children. They're going to grow so much. That thing is going to burst.

That tattoo is going to blow out. Oh, my God. It's a bubble writing. Wayne, your son got a tattoo. How old? Age of 12. 12. Did you know about this?

I knew about it. I got it done. Oh, really? Wayne, what? Wayne, no. Okay, and what was the tattoo? He's a diabetic. Oh.

He kept on breaking his bracelets, which were 70 bucks a bracelet. He lost about four of them. And so what we've done is we got his diabetic bracelet tattooed on his wrist. I mean, I kind of get that. Okay, I get that too. I kind of get that. I get that too. You mean the Medialert bracelet? Yeah. Okay. And it's not like he's

not going to be diabetic, is he? That's for life, so... That's for life. He's a diabetic for life. How was he getting tattooed at 12? Did that hurt like hell? Well, both me and his mother were there and both consented to it.

So the tattooist was quite happy to do it. So, you know, he was all right. He was good. Yeah, right. I've got tattoos. His mother's got tattoos. So I'm in with my dad now. How old is your son now?

He's 27, 28. And how does the tattoo look? Can you still read the numbers and stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What we've done was, what was on top of the bracelet was on top of his wrist, and underneath,

the stuff that was underneath the bracelet was on the bottom of his wrist. Oh, right. I've heard that part hurts. Yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, we just couldn't, you know, it was costing us $60, $70 a bracelet.

No, it makes sense. It makes sense. I don't have a problem with that at all. No, no, neither do I. A lot of people do. A lot of people say, well, how can you get your son tattooed at that age? Well, we just turn around and say, well, it's our wishes and our prerogative to do what we want.

Absolutely. And also, it's important information to have. You don't want them losing that. Exactly. I'm into it. Wayne, thank you so much for your call. We'll get to more of these amazing texts and calls next on the show. Those first tattoos.

How old were you and how bad were they? We'll hear from some bad ones next. We're talking about tattoos and how old you were when you got one. How's this text message? When we were at boarding school, someone bought a tattoo gun from Trade Me. Oh no, oh no. And we used to do tattoos on each other in the dorm room. Awesome.

Somebody else said my first tattoo was a stick and poke. Yeah. That's like a home job, right? And you put like pen ink in it or something. Yeah, I know. They told me it was gonna last six months. Still got it? Still got it. Lockie, how old were you when you got your first tattoo? Killed it, team. Yeah, I know. They told me it was going to last six months. Still got it? Still got it. Lockie, how old were you when you got your first tattoo? Good morning.

I was 12. Dude, what were you up to? Nah, nah, nah. So what it was is mum and dad had just got their tattoos. I was like, shit, I don't want one. And then they were like drinking and I was like, you know, I'll go and ask. Asked them and they're like, yeah, yeah, sweet as,

and I thought it went out in one ear, out the other. Sure enough, the following weekend, Dad comes and wakes me up. He goes, you ready? I was like, what for? He goes, your tattoo? I was like, oh, yeah. And then, yeah, so we went and got it done. What is it of?

Just my last name on my forearm. Okay, well, I mean, I suppose your last name's not going to change, is it? You're not going to forget it, though, are you? No, no, but it's good, though. I felt like the strongest kid in the school at the time. And did anyone, like, say anything at school? Were the teachers like, oh, okay?

Yeah, no, the teacher, oh, well, I went to school and I was like, oh, I'm getting a tattoo. And the teacher was like, no, no, I was like, yeah, watch this. Comes to school the following week. Watch this. Wow. You've got naughty boy written all over you, Lockie. Yeah, you got it. Oh, yeah.

I was known as the tattoo boy at school. Yeah, great. I love that. Every parent was stoked to hear you were dating their daughter. Yeah, can Lockie come over for dinner? No, Lockie cannot. He's 12 and he's got a tattoo. Yeah, Lockie, amazing.

Thank you so much. Zoe, how old were you when you got your first tattoo? This morning I was 16. Pretty fresh, pretty fresh. What was it? It was a Playboy bunny on my chest. On your chest?

On my chest. And then probably about six months afterwards I followed it up with another one on the other side so that I could channel Eve because she had paw prints. She did have paw prints on her titty. Go what you need, I'll tell you what you need. Now, can I ask you, Zoe, and you don't have to answer, but how old are you now?

Ooh, 34. Are the breasts still sitting where they used to sit when you were 16 years old? I've had two children, so no. So the paw prints are like... And they're a bit longer. Yeah, right. They're a bit longer.

Money's a little bit longer. It's Bugs Bunny now. Yeah. What's up, Jack? Oh, good on you. Not us. Thank you so much. Some messages in.

I was 15, small town New Zealand. My best friend and I got the lady at the local fish and ship shop to ring up the tattoo place and say she was our mum and we were twins and we were about to turn 16 and she gives us permission to get the tattoo.

What the hell? What the hell? Amazing. I got a musical note on my stomach at 16 years old followed by a tramp stamp of the word family.

Is this Vin Diesel? Maybe. Then the Chinese symbol for wood. Now, it was supposed to be a goat because that's my Chinese zodiac, except they did my zodiac element, not my zodiac animal. I didn't do my homework.

This was all before I turned 18. I got my boyfriend's name written in Chinese on my bum when I was 17. It was translated by an exchange student at school, so it could have said anything. Surprisingly enough, I didn't stay with him, so before I got married, I had another tattoo over top. Oh, yeah, okay, good. Your bum's going to be a mess.

It's going to be scribbled, just scribbled out. Then you'll turn around one day and the council will be there with grey paint. Covering it up. Covering the whole thing. Poorly as well. Not painting the whole thing. Just the bit where the scribbles were. They never paint the whole fence.

Paint the whole thing. If you have to go back once a week we provided, daily, weekly, fortnightly, monthly. Today's silly little poll. How often do you speak to your parents? The options we provided, daily, weekly, fortnightly, monthly. We didn't do a box for never. That's a bit sad, isn't it? It's a bit sad. A little bit sad. Yeah.

I'm a daily. Yeah, you're on the phone to mum. At least. Yeah, I'll message my parents. I won't talk talk, but I'll message my parents at least daily. Yeah. Send them a photo. Right.

Chat. Did you see this? Chat online, yeah. Mum does that, I think, with all, with my brother and sister as well. Yeah. Oh, how are you? Mum actually sent me a photo of a cloud yesterday that looked like an ostrich. She loves the clouds, doesn't she?

Stop it. She loves. I want to see the ostrich. I want to see the ostrich. I want to see the ostrich cloud. She loves sending a mountain photo, like if there's been a dump of snow. Well, she's from...

She's from Taran. Oh, she's not wrong. It looks like Loch Ness. It looks... Yeah, it does. It's got that Loch Ness energy. That is a weird cloud. I think you should

share that cloud. You should. Well, I don't know if Mum actually saw it or it's from the internet. Oh. So it could be, you know, like it could be just a cloud. What should. Well, I don't know if mum actually saw it or it's from the internet. Oh. So it could be, you know, like, it could be just a cloud. What did she send it on?

On WhatsApp. See, I think she took it. You think she took it? Well, your mum's a bit more tech savvy, but I can't imagine my mum seeing something on the internet, saving it, sending it. Oh, you know, mum could do that. But yeah, I don't know if she's actually seen. Oh, yeah, it could be.

Might be out of work because you can see the lights from the office. Yeah, I think she took that. Okay. That's a weird cloud. It does look like an ostrich. It looks so much like an ostrich. It looks like an ostrich walking behind a short hedge. It feels too much.

She just messaged, I took it. Yeah. Okay, good. Okay, yeah, there you go. I'll save that and share that. I like that. Okay. Go and get that on social.

Do you want to share that on the socials? Oh, mum's going to go viral. Yeah. Make sure you give her some photo credit. She should get that on the weather with Dan. I'll send it to Maddie. Yes. And say, Maddie, you should put this on the weather.

Well, quickly, he's on here now. Mum took this over the Taranaki. Great. I'll do that now. He'll do the weather at eight. Yes. I'll send it to Maddie and say, Maddie. Maddie McLean.

Put this on the. Yeah, there we go. Get that up there. Send that to the weather at 8. Yes, I'll send it to Maddie and say, Maddie. Maddie McLean. Put this on the. Just the other day. Yeah, there we go. Get that up there. Send that to her. All right. Sorry, carry on. While you do that, monthly was our lowest at 7%.

Fortnightly, 9%. What good sons and daughters we've got here. Weekly was the winner, 43%. Yeah, weekly. But daily is 41%. Very close. Very close. We're chatting away some feedback.

Alexandra says, my dad and I send each other the wordle every day. Oh, yeah. You still wordling? Nah. Do you know, at my daughter's dance recital, I was sitting behind an old lady just where we were all getting seated

and she started doing the wordle and I leaned over her shoulder and I knew it after two and I had to watch this old old duck struggle. She got it on the last one. At least she got it. Suzanne said it's so easy on FaceTime for a quick five, ten minute chat each day.

Good for you, Suzanne. Good on you, Suzanne. Jane says we have contact really regularly via message, but would physically speak to them fortnightly or monthly. They're more busy in retirement than they were working. Always out at bloody bridge. Oh!

No time to talk to you because they're at bridge. Lucy, not weekly, not daily. Every couple of days, we have a family chat to keep each other in the loop. We've got that. Mine's on mute. Yeah, we don't have a family. Families that have family chats are weird, aren't they? It wasn't conducive. It was just like

sitting at a dinner table. There was arguments and blah, blah, blah. I've got a small one with my family but Aaron's one's massive. And I love them to pieces but they are on mute. Just because we chat. It's too much. Joanna says I'm 34 and me and my dad speak twice a day.

On my way into work and on my way home, he's my best friend. Oh, my God. That's actually, you said Joanna, but that's from my daughter in the future. Oh, I bet it is. I love a car chat with the folks. Hannah says, is there a yearly option? Oh, okay. All right, Hannah.

Jesus. It's called Christmas, Hannah. How have you been? Christina. So much to catch up on. Oh, yeah. You're good. I had a baby.

Yeah, totally cut off. In March. In March. Yeah, have you had COVID yet? Yeah, I've had it three times. Had it three times. Three times. How's Ben?

Oh, we split up at the start of the year, so. Yeah, this is Darren. This is Darren. Yeah. We're married. He's the start of the year, so. Yeah, this is Darren. This is Darren. We're married. He's the father of the baby I've had. Yeah, we got into it pretty quick. Yeah.

Once a year. Good Lord. Oh my gosh, Christina said, if I went a day without talking to my mum, she would call the police to send out a search party and assume I was stolen by human traffickers. Bit of a worrier. She's a worrier. Worry wart.

She's a worrier, old Christine's mum. That's today's silly little poll. All right, 18 past seven. Next on the show, how a woman gets back at seat recliners on a flight. Is it this? Or a little nudge with your knee into the back. It's not that. Tell you next, Carly Disclosure Talk.

ZM. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. I've led us down a bit of a path here. I said I had some advice from a relationship expert. Scroll further down the article. Yeah. Controversial dating expert.

Oh, no. Okay. We'll roll with it. We'll roll with it. He's got some taste. How controversial? We'll see what he's got. His name is Jake Maddock. He's from Brisbane. He shares a lot online

about relationship information and expertise and does a lot on TikTok and the other day he was sharing about when you should move in as a new couple. Well with the cost of living, you'd say three weeks now, wouldn't you?

God, ASAP. ASAP. ASAP. Get those cost halves. First day, head to his house via mine. Just never leave. Pack up my crap. Yeah.

And here I am. Yeah. So he said between six to nine months, which to me, that's hot. That's a little soon. You reckon? Okay. Yeah. But I mean, who am I?

I'm not a relationship expert like Jake. No, you're not. Coach Jake Maddock. So he said six to nine month mark is the best time. You haven't let it simmer for too long that you've both kind of created these separate lives that are going to be harder to fuse together. But you haven't rushed in too early. And six months is the mark that's really hard to get to. That's like kind of when you cross it, you're like, we are together. We are a thing. I need to see when my 24-month broadband plan runs out because I don't want an early break fee.

No. Well, if you did, your new partner would have to pay for some of that. You could take that with you. Can I? Maybe. But I think I'm also on a 24-month power plan too. Oh, okay. So that's a break fee. Maybe you might also be able to take with you. Yeah, but I don't want a 24-month power plan too. Oh, okay.

So that's a breakthrough. Maybe you might also be able to take with you. Yeah, but I don't want everything under my name with someone else. I've got to trust them. Well, why don't they just move in with you? Oh, no. No? Well, he also has an opinion. He also has an opinion on this.

So he said for heterosexual couples, you should get a new house together or the woman has to move into the man's house. Is this why he's controversial? It's coming, yeah. He said couples should get a new place together or the woman has to move into the man's house so that the man, so that the woman, sorry, can take the man's lead at home.

Oh, there it is. Without having to surrender her own space to him. Right. So she fits in with his life. And then this is when it said Jake has been giving controversial dating advice to his half a million followers across his social media channels. He also recently revealed how often couples should be

making sweet love. Okay. What was his hot take on that? Two to three times a week because it provides mental and physical health benefits and he was quoted as saying there's heaps of science behind it. That's how I like my science presented. Yes. Heaps of science. Heaps of science

behind it. And all the science was it's good for men's hormonal regulation, men's mental health, men's physical health. Mine? My health? Anything in there for you. Two to three times a week. Stay bonded together as long as you are.

Right. At the man's house. Yeah. Okay. People in long-term relationships, he says, seem to get lazy. They go for a once a week is fine, once a month is fine. They get lazier and lazier. You drift apart.

You must be having sexual relations two to three times a week. I've got too much on my calendar. Yeah, I was going to say, you're very busy. I'm busy, man. The lawns, they're doing it this time of the year. The grass is growing so fast. Is it still light outside when we go to bed? That's not romantic.

I want to wash instead of fun. You don't want to see them. No natural lighting. No, not at all. I make love only under a fluorescent bulb. One of those old ones. That's hot stuff. That's hot. Well, I, yesterday at the gym, witnessed something quite funny.

What did you see? I saw somebody donk his head while he was perving at a girl. What did he donk it on? So he went to step up onto the pull-up machine, and just as he was stepping up, I just saw the whole thing happen because I was quite far back. What were you working on? I was doing chest press.

Yeah. What was that one? Push the push. Oh. Get the pecs going Yeah Oh so the machine Where you push that In front of you

Yeah You know how you Do this at me You know when you Steer at me aggressively And put your hands Behind your head And pump your biceps

At me Can you do that To your pecs? Are you working On your pecs enough Orny? No I don't think I'm working on my pecs

Enough perhaps Neither Well you need to Get on that machine Okay I'll get on that machine Well so just as he's Getting up onto the machine, he catches this girl doing squat walks.

Oh, what's a squat walk? Now, she's a Vaughan 10, this attractive gym goer. So she looks exactly like my wife. Yeah, yes, exactly. That, of course, is the only Vaughan 10. She looks like, what's that chick you follow on Instagram? Hey, my wife. Not that one. No, not Instagram? Hey! No, no, no. My wife. Not that one.

No, not that one. I mean, you get to know your- That was about four chicks ago. My wife. Just trying to get him into trouble. But you know, you end up knowing your friend's type, don't you?

And I just thought, well, Vaughan would probably be in this situation, but he just, as he was like looking at her, kept walking and stood right up into the bar, donked his head and he just curled over for like a good 10 seconds in absolute excruciating pain. And I was just inside laughing so hard.

Did she notice? I don't think she noticed at all, no. We never settled on what a squat walk was. Sorry, a lunge walk. Oh, she was walking, lunging. Lunging walk. But you can lunge with a bag on your back. Is that absolutely fair? Sorry, a lunge walk. Oh, she was walking lunging. Lunging walk. But you can lunge with a bag on your back. Is that absolutely right?

Yeah. Pops the dumbbell. Because isn't that the squat? Absolutely pops the dumbbell. When you say squat walk, I imagine someone was squatting and then waddling like a duck. Sorry, it was a lunge, walking lunges. I always think a woman waddled like a duck. So sexy.

She was walking lunges. The only thing hotter than a woman is a woman duck. Yeah, I'm imagining Daisy Duck and a nice pair of Lululemons. A little bikini top. It got me thinking, though. Daisy Duck was packing a huge dumper, by the way. She has skinny legs, massive feet, huge dumper. Little baby waist.

That dumper, though. Okay, let's stop talking about a duck. But I was wondering this morning, could we open up the phone lines? Have you hurt yourself perving? Walked into a pole? Walked into a pole, rear-ended a car because you were perving at someone

while driving along? Yeah. Or like maybe dropped your phone even? Have you ever done that? I mean, I'll say this is the pestiest thing I've ever done. There was someone so hot. We used to call him Tane Mahuta. He was a king of the forest.

Yeah, because he was in the New Zealand Army. And me and my marching team saw him and we're like, oh my God, I want to climb Tane Mahuta. Well, don't because you'll get coldy dieback. He was like this tall, thick, Maori soldier. And we would literally go like this and take photos of him. And my friend. What an absolute pest. I know, it's disgusting him. And my friend. What an absolute pest.

I know, it's disgusting behaviour. And my friend was walking up the stairs of the stadium where he was trying to do this and she missed a step where we were like. But again, she hurt herself perving. Absolute perv. These are the stories I wanted to ask and get you to call about this morning. 0800 Niles at M. Text as well, 9696.

Have you had an accident while perving? Have you hurt yourself while perving? My marching friend just texted me, oh, ta ne mo ta. Where are these photos? Where are these photos? Yeah, I'll try and get them. You might as well bloody show us. I'm telling you.

Okay, well, we're going to take your calls this morning. 0800 Diles at M. Give us a call. You can text 9696. Whenever you hurt yourself perving. Everyone's a perv. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. Now, taking your calls and texts now, when did you hurt yourself perving?

We almost forgot that producer Jared's broken his toe. What happened? He was perving at the gym, weren't you? Yeah. It's happened a while ago. Respectfully, I was appreciating a fellow gym goer. Yeah. Well, as long as it was respectfully, I can tick that off.

Yeah. Unlike taking pesky photos like someone did of this Tane Mahuta that we're still yet to see. He knows who he is. Does he? No, he won't. We all got too shy. He was untalkable. Do you know what I mean? It was too hot. Does he? No, he won't. We all got too shy. He was untalkable. Do you know what I mean?

Like, it was too hot. Wow. Carry on, Jared. Yeah, I ended up dropping a 20-kilo plate on my big toe. And it just crawled. Wait, you saw someone hot that your hand stopped holding the plate? Well, I was in the middle of, like, racking it back up onto the rack of weights. And you missed the little piece.

And I turned to look and just let go yeah it's good wow uh this happened i believe just moments ago ben uh you nearly hurt yourself perving yeah mate yeah um i was basically just driving um in new york making a few deliveries and uh i was having a cheeky little look at this girl in front of me driving and she hit the brakes pretty hard and then I almost crashed into her and as I drove past, I looked through and, you know,

hey, like, have a cheeky little bit to see, like, you know, if they're all right or whatever, if they're shaking or whatever. And basically, it was a colleague of mine from, like, five years ago where I hadn't seen and I used to have a crush on her as well and we both sort of looked at each other and it was a colleague of mine from like five years ago where I hadn't seen. And I used to have a crush

on her as well and we both sort of looked at each other and it was like, holy shit, we haven't seen in ages. This is meant to be. This is a sign.

This is like a movie. That's what happens in a movie. You were supposed to crash into the back. Yeah, yeah. It was pretty wild. Yeah.

Jeepers. I think that is your soulmate and you've missed an opportunity here. Siobhan, when did you hurt yourself perving? Hey, yeah, so it was back in primary, actually. I remember climbing up at the top of the playground, and I was watching this older boy that I had a crush on,

and, you know, the fire pole. Yeah. And I just remember sitting on the edge of it from the top, and I went to grab the pole, but I completely missed it. Oh. Hit my face, hit my sitting on the edge of it from the top and I went to grab the pole but I completely missed it. Oh. And my face, hit my face on the pole. So I lost a tooth and then I landed down on the ground and I actually broke my arm.

So, yeah. Lost a tooth and broken arm. Yeah, and then apparently they said that I must have been seeing, like, fairies because all I was worried about was where's my tooth. So, yeah. That's so shame worried about was where's my toast. So, yeah. That's so a shame. Wow. Yeah, you're like the reason we don't have fireman's poles anymore.

Yeah. I really do. Amazing, Siobhan. Thanks for your call. Lots of messages coming in. Surveying a rural property on the North Shore a few years ago and a couple of hot ladies rode past on horses. Oh, okay. Now, they might have been hot, but you know they were crazy. surveying a rural property on the North Shore a few years ago and a couple of hot ladies rode past on horses.

Oh, okay. Now, they might have been hot, but you know they were crazy. My mate wasn't watching where he was walking and he stepped in a post hole. The ladies had a good laugh, but he had to go to the doctor. He'd fractured a bone in his foot because he just went down into the hole. Good Lord. And they laughed, see?

So that confirms. Crazy. Well, keep it coming. 9696-O800-DIALS-AT-M when you've hurt yourself perving. Right now, though800 dials at M when you've hurt yourself perving. Right now, though, we want to know when you've hurt yourself perving. I saw a guy donk his head at the gym while he was perving it. At a donk. At a donk, yeah.

Yeah. And this happens a lot. Yeah, it does. We're humans, aren't we? We get distracted. Tammy, has this happened to you? Oh, my gosh. Well, it was actually my, has this happened to you? Oh my gosh. Well,

it was actually my son that it happened to. Okay. We were walking down the street, my partner, me and my son, and this lady was walking towards us

very well endowed with some big boobies. Yeah. Oh my God. Who needs some big boobies, Tammy? Because when you said very well endowed,

you already set the scene and then you doubled up with the big boobies. No, she's painting a picture. and down, you already set the scene and then you doubled it up with the big boobies. No, she's painting a picture. I like this picture, yeah. All right, so her kahungas are walking towards you. Yes, and she was pushing a pram and he was staring so badly, he didn't even actually see the pram,

tripped over and face planted her right between them. Oh, my God, he hit the crash mat. Wow, and did you just laugh? Oh, I actually couldn't get myself up off the ground laughing so much. She wasn't impressed though, I tell you. And it's been about 10 years and I still bring it up every chance I can.

Oh yeah, now you're sitting on the bloody radio, Tammy. Yes, I love it. You've got a reminder and that's too funny. Tammy, thank you. Glenn, when did you hurt yourself perving? Yeah, hey, well, when I was in my 20s, I used to ride a lot on my motorcycle and I was passing a car full of girls having a good perv

and I got my arm and my foot ripped off my motorcycle, and my bike started to wobble, and I pulled over the side of the road, and I'd flipped a van coming in the other way. What? And I had to cut my foot out of my leathers and get my foot out of it, and after going to the hospital, I came out, all I had was a broken little toe. Jeepers.

Wow. You are so lucky. Wow. And my mother just laughed because she picked me up from the hospital and I was always having accidents. She thought it was hilarious that I just had a little broken toe. Because you were having a perv at a carload of girls. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, good on you. Lucky to ever be alive, Glenn. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, good on you. Lucky to even be alive, Glenn. Yeah. Yeah, I think a couple of centimetres closer to the van and it would have been a whole other story.

Oh, no, don't think about it. You made it. Wow. Glenn, thank you for your cool messages in. It's nice hearing from the ladies on the topic. Perving at a guy rear-ending the car.

Police got caught. I got a ticket for failing to stop. It was a very expensive perv and we've had lots of those sorts of ones coming in. Someone was perving on me once. A guy came to my house to install the SkyDish. He was perving on me and fell off the roof. That's a hot compliment.

It was still ballsy enough to ask me if I had a boyfriend afterwards if I wanted to get dinner sometime, which was awkward because, A, I wasn't keen, and B, him falling off the roof was a big it. And also, haven't they just told Sky employees they're not allowed free Sky? Yeah. I don't know. They were contractors. The dish installers were contractors.

Oh, they don't get free Sky anymore. Okay, yeah. Um, I was, when I was young, I was checking out a guy in a truck and boom walked straight into a lamppost broke my nose

what so many of these just horrendous injuries I was out running with my new boyfriend at the time saw Monty Beethan

mowing his lawn with his top off yeah he keeps it tight Monty he does yeah I tripped while perving and had to limp walk the whole way home

with blood pouring out of my leg and the knee now my husband still won't let me forget it and I still have a scar on my knee. Husband now. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, that worked out. That worked out for you.

It's awkward, though, every time he comes on the TV because he's always on the TV. Yeah. He's like, change the channel. Change the channel. I don't want you looking at that Monty. I got rear-ended by a logging truck and it turns out the driver was having a perv on some girls.

Wow, okay. It's human nature, isn't it? You have to have a little looky. Have a little looky. Glance. But don't get hurt, please. Remember to blink. I was running the Abel Tasman.

Two hot Germans were walking the track towards me. I stood on a tree stump and rolled my ankle. Luckily, one of the Germans was a paramedic and he helped me get to the next beach where I had to be boated out and taken to the hospital. Oh, wow. There's one of the Germans was a paramedic and he helped me get to the next beach where I had to be boated out and taken to the hospital. Oh, wow. There's lots of them. There's lots of them. I want to see the ACC

results. Hotties and... Yeah, there should literally be a box on the ACC for me perving. Checking out a hottie. Does this incident involve a hottie? Was it rugby, skiing, snowboarding, football, or perving? Hey, remember how you just gave that Uber driver five stars because you wanted five stars back?

Yes. Let's do that with this podcast. Review it five stars, tell your friends, and we'll do the same for you if you ever need a review for anything. But where are you giving me my five stars? Well, I don't know. Do you own a restaurant or something? Yes. If you give us five stars on this podcast, tell us where

you would like your review, and we'll review. We won't even go. We'll just review your thing. I don't want people to know where my restaurant is. I'm doing one of those secret restaurants. Oh, I was going to say, because that's exactly the opposite of how restaurants work.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.