ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 15th September 2022

Episode Date: September 14, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Everybody wants to be my enemy. Hello, welcome to the Fleetspawn and Hayley Podcast. It's thanks to McCampay. Download, scan and play the Monopoly game at Macca's to be in to win. I just got told off for doing parkour behind the barista here at work. What did you do? Well, I was going through to the mail room.

As I said, I had packages and this is about to lead us nicely into our new podcast feature, podcast only feature That we've been strong armed into Doing by management who want more podcast Only content So we thought we would also make it Self beneficial So we'll fucking

Show them They'll regret telling us to make More podcast only content So I And there was a They were having some sort of They all regret telling us to make more podcast-only content. And they were having some sort of fiesta out here. Yeah, it's a big fiesta. A big fiesta. Like Cinco de Mayo?

Maybe a holiday of Latin origins because it was very fiesta themed. Okay. And there was a big box where that had a camera on and it was kind of blocking the way, so I jumped up and over it, and as I jumped off, I said, parkour, and I scared the shit out of the new barista, and she spun around and squealed. We've got to win her over. I think I won her over on day one and then lost her on day two,

and now I've parkoured on day five. So you've scared her. No, I've scared her. But, yeah, that brings us nicely to a new podcast-only content feature that we're doing. What do we have here? Oh, it's the podcast post office. Send us shit. Send us shit. La-di-da-di-da.

So we just, yeah, basically open mail on air and talk about what we've got in the mail. Sometimes we get some strange things. I love mail. Mail still excites me so much. How much fun is it getting mail at home? But what if it's a bank statement or something? No, no, no. I don't want to say that.

That isn't a statement. Okay, right. You need to transfer to no paper as well. I have done that. Okay, good. I just recently got a statement because I closed an account and they have to send you a statement. Two things. They have to fuck the trees when you close an account.

They have to send a statement. There's no other way. They said there's no other way. Others have learned to fuck the trees. Fuck. Far out. Ma'am, I'm beginning to think banks aren't in it for us. No, they're just holding onto our money for us.

I know. That's real nice of them and stuff. I'm beginning to think banks aren't in it for the earth. Yeah, okay. You're fair call. I'm going to use the P word. I think they're in it for profit. And I know that's a controversial statement.

Are they profiting? Banks? Yeah. Little bit. Little bit. Little bit. Little bit. Little bit.

Well, the first package was a mystery to me, and that kind of bugged me out, and I picked it up, and it had a book-esque quality to it. Yeah. And I was like, I don't know what this is. I saw it. I've just... Oh. You've just opened it, haven't you?

Oh, what? He'd already opened it. I'd already opened it. He couldn't wait. For the untrained ear, though, that certainly sounded like you were opening it. It's that nice... Now, here's some people that are in it for the earth, because that's that packing stuff that's completely biodegradable.

Yeah. Recurring. And a biodegradable bag. Now, these people, they say, Dear Vaughan, you may remember us from the biscuits and slices day. Here's our latest effort. I hope you girls like the book. We think it's our best annual yet.

It'd be splendid if you would give them a plug and see how you go. We are at annualink annual on Instagram. Have a shop online at annualannual.com Susan and Kate, they're at annualannual.com. Now, you may remember they mentioned their biscuits and slices. They released a tea towel and a poster

of an artist's sketch of all New Zealand's favourite biscuits and slices. Will they're back in tea towel form again this year, annual, annual. In the theme of, you know, the fish poster that used to hang in the fish and chip shop. Yeah. Yeah, very much that. Can you hold it up? I want to see.

I want to see what I want. Dude, this rules. This is... Yeah, it's one of those tea towels that won't... The traditional big spread of Aotearoa. But one of those tea towels... That's not going to dry shit. No, no, no.

A couple of washes and it will. Yeah, a couple of washes. And it also... A couple of washes last time just aged the painting a little bit. And it looked like a vintage tea towel before its time. The big spread of Aotearoa in New Zealand. Oh, asparagus roll. So it features the asparagus roll, the cheese roll, the Cheerio, the sausage roll, the custard square,

the stuffed egg that in my house we call deviled eggs But I know that upset The Christians Buttered fruit loaf Chocolate eclair Cheese and pineapple Brandy snap Butterfly cake Mushroom Voluvent Well I've never had

But it looks like a Tart Oh like a pastry A pastry stuffed with mushrooms One of those things Called you have them With roasts Corn

Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn

Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn

Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn

Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn

Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn

Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn roasts. Yorkshire Pud. Yorkshire Pud, Pike, Date, Scon, Fudge Cake,

Club Sandwich, Savory, Ginger Curse, Lamington, and Cheese and Gherkin. God, that's a great tea towel. That's a great little design there.

And then they just do these amazing books. This is this, well, it says annual three, so I assume it must be the third. I had the second one, and it's just like these interesting drawings, and thoughts, and little plays, and Harry Potter and the Missing Letter and Me. I had the second one and it's just like these interesting drawings and thoughts and little plays

and Harry Potter and the Missing Letter and Me. I mean, that's probably encroaching on various copyrights there under the rights of J.K. Rowling.

But look at this. Awesome, like, drawing of a typical New Zealand campground. Oh, that is so cool. Isn't that cool? Can you buy those? Yes, you can buy it

at annualannual.com. So that was just addressed to you? Yep Well fuck them Hayley and I I want a tea towel I want a book Well you can pop along And buy one at

Annualannual.com I'm not paying for it If you get it for free Here's the second Now I know what this is Only because it was sent Internationally Is that addressed to

Just you or me? I feel terrible At the amount of packages the postage they've spent on that. It's wrapped in saran wrap, guys. I know. This is insane. This is insane. $51 Australian postage. Thomas, you shouldn't have. You have, though.

Give Vaughan your bank account. He'll transfer it. Because what's inside is worth more. Now this isn't Thomas' first rodeo. Now, Thomas' package, not as friendly for the environment. This is 100% dolphin choker glad wrap. Dolphins will choke on that plastic. This is going to ship Al Corby wrap to it, actually.

He might not have been responsible for this. They might have done it after they checked it, perhaps. Yeah, okay. Because Thomas, a long time listener to the show, Thomas. He's a very good man He's a great man I mean I talk about All things father

We talk about Work and such He's a good lad Okay Oh god your knife's Getting a bit blunt isn't it It does need a sharpen Need a sharpen that

Yes Thomas works in the mines In Australia Oh fuck He did not did he Every six months He's seen you gumboots Hasn't he

Every six months He's entitled to a new pair of work boots. On the big dog's dime. Every six months, do they wear through? No, so that's why he said to me the other day, do you need another pair of work boots? Check these fuckers out. Oh my God.

He sent me some a few years ago, and they are my go-to work booter. Yeah, I've seen you in them. They are unstoppable, man. I stood on a nail. The nail bent. It didn't go through the sun. Oh, wow. Okay.

Because I've seen the state of yours. Time for an upgrade. Yeah, time for an upgrade. Those are brand new. These are too nice to wear. These would put them on for a trip to Mitre 10, you know. These aren't. Wow.

What's this? Waterproof. It's a bloody waterproof. Oh, you need to send him something. Okay, there's treats in here for everybody. This is great, isn't it? I'm supposed to send treats in here for everybody. There's some industrial hand cleaner.

Okay. I'm all good. This is Australian mine quality foam earplugs. Has he just gone through the shed at work? Does anybody want a little tape measure? No, we've got plenty around. I've got a tape measure. Tape measure?

You've got a three-meter tape measure. It sounds like he's just stolen from the cupboard at work. Does anybody want a little tape measure? No, we've got plenty around. I've got a tape measure. You've got a three metre tape measure. It sounds like he's so generous. Stolen from the cupboard at work though. It sounds like he's stolen. Oh, grit soap. That's good

because my hands get grubby and I get told off for making a mess of the sink, don't I? He's a good lad now, Thomas. This is outrageous. He's a good lad. Oh, thank you so much, Thomas.

I'll put a photo up of the boots. And also, on the International Podcast family, we'll tell you where you can get that tea towel, because that's a pretty cool tea towel. You should do a sexy shoot for Thomas. Of the tea towel. Just you in the boots with the tea towel covering your bits.

Covering the genitals. Yeah, there you go. That's what the people want. That's what the people want. And give them what they want. Yeah. Give them what they want. So that's, yeah.

The post box. Was there anything in the post box for Fletch and I? Or even the listeners listening. I don't know if this segment is for the people, really. It's just for you, isn't it? We're all about the people. It's for you so you can get free stuff. That one is you can get free stuff.

Maybe somebody listening to the podcast is like, I've got something I'd like to send to Fletch. It's fine. It's fine. Don't worry about us. Do you accept nudes? Are you still accepting nudes? Only if they're printed out at the warehouse stationery in a frame.

And I'll accept them only if they're from a sophisticated bogeyman who's a tradie, but he's got his shit together. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. You may have heard Sam just mention the All Blacks playing tonight. You're pissed, aren't you? On a Thursday at 9.45. I get the time difference because the Aussie games are always normally like a 9pm kickoff or a 9.25.

You're double booking at the stadium. But why are you on a Thursday? NRL is... NRL's... Do they share grounds with the NRL teams? Yeah, but it's a big ground. It's Australia. They have half each.

Yeah, they've got like a bajillion stadiums. Yeah, I'm just trying to... Is there some kind of public holiday on Friday in Australia? It's just odd. Where are they playing? Is this a Blazers- Friday in Australia? It's just odd. Where are they playing? Is this a Blazers-like cup game? It is, yeah. No, they're not on a Thursday.

You know they are. It is. They're not on a Thursday. It is. I mean, there's like zero chance I was going to watch anyway, but that's not on a Thursday. That's a weekend, so you're going to have some chippies. You have some chippies.

I love a chippy. Chippy and a dippy and maybe one half strength beer. On a weekend. But I can't have a half strength beer on a week night. No, absolutely not.

Coming up on the show this morning, Secret Sound returns 7 o'clock and 8 this morning. Your next chance is to win that $100,000 thanks to Neon. And at 9 o'clock, we'll give you a Q-jumper chance. I have an answer. Oh, go. It's in Melbourne.

This time of the year, Melbourne's all about the back end of the AFL season. In the Melbourne Storm, are you making the usual finals run? Didn't the Melbourne Storm get knocked out last? Melbourne Storm might be out of the NRL, actually. But anyway, it was a, it was a, it was a ground triple booking. So they're using,

or the fact that they could, just couldn't get a crowd on a Saturday, even if they had the ground, everyone's already at AFL or NRL. Yeah, right. So they're doing it midweek

and it's the first midweek Letters of the Cup match since 1990. Eight. Four. Four. Three. Four. Four. Three. Four.

Four. Duh. Duh, of course, 94. So there would have been some All Blacks. Not even born. They weren't even born yet. Yeah. Wow, that's crazy.

Okay, all right, well, that game tonight, good luck to the ABs. The top six is coming up on the show before seven as well. Yeah, there's a Five Eyes spy conference happening in Queenstown and they're staying at Millbrook Resort, which I must say is absolutely lovely. Oh, we stayed there for work once. We certainly didn't stay there on our own. We certainly didn't stay there on our own, Dime,

because I don't know if you're picking up a mystery package deal on expedia.com in Melbourne. No, I haven't stayed, but I know it. So when you check in, they golf cart you to your room. Oh, my God. Because the rooms are so far away from reception. Yeah, they said, oh, the golf cart will be here in a minute.

We're like, oh, this must be a while. And then we literally got on a golf cart, and they took us like 75 metres. I'm like, we could have done this. We could have done that. Yeah. We totally could have walked. So, yeah, the spy is all in Queensland at the moment. So the top six delving into...

The top six ways you can spot a spy in Queenstown. I mean, if you can spot them, they've already stuffed up, haven't they? They're doing a terrible job. Yeah. Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Yummy, yummy, yummy.

In my tummy. It's so rich and good. Well, our segment of the show, we'll be taking a look at food items, new food items, new food trends. I just got a shooting pain in my head. You just flinched and I was like, are you okay? I think you've been shot by a sniper. Oh, I get those in the neck.

A sniper shot. I literally walk and and go, ugh. And she's like, someone lasered you. It's like when you're lying in bed and you're nearly falling asleep and you go, ugh. Except that with a lightning bolt of pain up the neck. Yeah, right. I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. No sniper.

Okay, well, this has happened in Australia. Much to the delight of fans, McDonald's have brought back the spicy chicken McNugget. Yum. Yum. A popular limited edition menu item. So yeah, part of the McSpicy range.

So now Kiwis are like Hello. Hello. I'm a nugget. I've been a nugget girl since the day I was born. Yeah. What's your go-to sauce?

Oh, it's sweet and sour. Yeah, same. Get a grip. Yeah, people that do other options I was born. Yeah. What's your go-to sauce? Oh, sweet and sour. Yeah, same. Get a grip. Yeah, people that do other options, I'm like, no. What's the third option? There's barbecue, sweet and sour. Or is that a... I think that's in New Zealand.

The music is slowing down in the background as we reach the crescendo of this mysterious conversation. Nuggies, nuggies, nuggies. I love nuggies. Every day they're good No, I've always, when I was a Happy Meal When I was a Happy Meal size girl Remember you get three nuggies Yeah, yeah

Little chippies No, you're right, there is three sauce options Mayonnaise There's barbecue There's sweet and sour In Australia you get more options Dude, in America Oh yeah, in America it's nice In America you you get more options. Dude, in America.

Oh, yeah, in America. In America, you can get the Big Mac sauce as a dipping option for your nut. Do you reckon? Tangy barbecue, spicy buffalo, creamy ranch, sweet and sour. Honey. You can get honey? Oh, yeah. Honey mustard.

Honey mustard, yeah. Ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta sauce. Tartier. Ta-ta-tier. They do a good tartier, actually, non-odds. Because you know I love a filet-o-fish. I would get, I would either get a filet-o-fish, let's not talk about it, honestly. It's very early in the morning. Do we do, you know how we do all-day breakfast now?

Do we do all-day nuggies? Absolutely. Is that 11? Yeah, sure. Spicy nuggies, though? Is that 11? Spicy nuggies though. Well, yeah, fingers crossed. This is just in Australia

at the moment, but yeah, those, we normally, we're normally next on the list. Don't we have some power? Don't we have some power at McDonald's?

Well, they are the show sponsor. You can have a word to them. Yeah, absolutely. Hey guys, guys, come on. 11 past six, next on the show.

Speaking of food, I want to talk about eggplants. Okay. In particular. Great roasted. Ah, no, I want to talk about eggplants. Okay. In particular. Great roasted. No, grilled. Oh, miso grilled. Yeah, miso grilled with cheese.

A pasta alternative for the celiacs among us. Fantastic. A ratatouille. Give it to me. But I'm talking about the eggplant emoji. Okay. Winkity wink wink wink. Let's talk about emojis. I was just trying to look through my phone. Okay. Winkity wink wink wink. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Let's talk about emojis. I was just trying to look through my phone. That's what I was doing. I wasn't just sort of mindlessly on my phone. As you were in the meeting yesterday. That's why you sort of missed some of the information about how private that was. I'm not a big emoji user. I just don't reach for them.

I love the laugh cry. The sideways laugh cry. You love a laugh cry? I love a laugh cry. I'll soon't reach for them. I love the laugh cry. The sideways laugh cry. You love a laugh cry? I love a laugh cry. I'll soon ago a gif. Yeah, love a gif. Definitely more relying on a gif now than an emoji. They just say so much more. You know, and they're such good punch lines. But there's an article here in front of me

looking at emojis and how we use them in our life. A lot of people feel more connected to people who use emojis. Okay. 88% of people that they interviewed had like regular emoji users and 92% of them agree that they can help convey stuff that they can't quite put into words. Like, I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying. Yeah. Or if you're being kind of a little bit like sarcastic or you're joking and you want to show them that you're joking. Or if you want

to take the sting out of a very aggressive text. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like a laugh cry at the end of a real passag message. Thumbs up. Yeah, a little thumbs up or a little smile, like a warm, you know, the blushy cheek one which is like, hmm, but I'm still cute. But, one of the things they found was they worked out a top three and a bottom three emojis for flirting. Okay. Oh, like what to use? Yeah, what

works and what, like, what is enticing and what is not. Unticing. That's the word, eh? Is it the opposite of enticing and what is... Not. Unticing. That's the word, eh? Unticing. Is that the opposite of enticing? That is so unticing. Yes, it is.

I went to a private school. Trust me. Face blowing a kiss. Oh, yeah. With a little heart. Yeah. It's kind of a winky. Smiling face with hearts.

That's the blush but with hearts. Oh, yeah, yeah. Warm fuzzies. And smiling face with hard eyes. Classic. Those are the top three. Top three emojis for flirting. So don't use those with work colleagues in the work chat.

Yeah, I think you can use the blush, but not the blush with hearts. Okay. That turns it from professional to unprofessional. You're crossing a line there. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

The three least likable emojis that people use while they're flirting and it like instantly repels people. The poop. Oh, yeah. That, that, that. Yeah, that makes me go. How would you use that

when you're flirting? Hey, how are you? What are you up to today? Yeah. I'm in. It's not going to work, is it? Girls, we love a funny guy. Yeah. You know, we love a funny guy Yeah

You know we love a funny guy Angry face I suppose because it's like That's not really flirtatious is it No I like you so much You make me go Could use it that way

Doesn't work Doesn't work And the eggplant Because it's so overtly suggestive Yeah When did it become that way I don't know. It would be interesting to look into the history of the eggplant.

Do you feel like we need some kind of in-depth documentary? Four-part series. A series, yeah. Just a little quick little doco, maybe a podcast, an in-depth podcast. Hey, speaking of podcasts, did you just literally see the news? No. The news this morning, the original podcast, serial about Anand Saeed. The news this morning, the original podcast, Serial,

about Anand Saeed. The prosecutors in the case, so the people that put him in jail, are like, actually, you know what? There's not enough evidence. We're kind of redacting. We're saying that that should be wiped.

He should be freed. That was like the first ever podcast I listened to. It was the first podcast podcast. Yeah. And then, what was the other one? Long form storytelling. What was the other podcast podcast. Yeah. And then what was the other one? Long form storytelling.

What was the other one they did? They did another one. The one about that soldier? That was serial, the second series. Shit Town? Yeah. That was amazing. This American Life?

This American Life was, yeah, like a radio program for NPR that they made into a podcast series too. The eggplant emoji first debuted in 20... God, we're jumping around, aren't we? First debuted in 2010 and quickly became a symbol for the penis. The penis. I don't know if we'd get a four-part podcast out of that, to be honest. I mean, I've sort of done it in 10 seconds.

Yeah, yeah. And it's on our podcast. This will be on our podcast. Yeah. So that's enough, isn't it? Right. Have we made the podcast? A sort of a podcast within a podcast.

Well, it's being made. It's meta. It's being made right now as we speak. So we don't have to plan it. We're actually doing it. Well, it's done. Well, you've one gave the history. Yeah.

That's enough, I think. Yeah. And also they say it's because Americans have never really had much of a cultural association with eggplants in the way that, say, Italians do. Yeah. Ah, right. So when they see it, they think, heh heh. Yeah.

What do Italians think when they see it? Mmm, delicious. Ratatouille. There's an invention, and while it sounds good, it's still very much one of those situations where maybe in a few years it'll be smaller. Oh, yeah. What it looks like is a virtual reality headset for your mouth, and you can just hold it up to your mouth

or you can strap it on and go hands-free, but it connects to your phone or, like, if you're gaming or whatever, via Bluetooth, and it's called M Mute Talk because it mutes you. It uses noise-cancelling technology so that when you're talking, it never escapes the little thing that's over your mouth. And you just breathe out of your nose. I guess so. While you're talking on the phone.

Yeah. It would get very condensation-y on the inside, I think. Yeah, you'd think so. Steaming. Without anywhere for the moisture to go. It would get very condensation-y on the inside, I think. Yeah, you'd think so, yeah. Steaming. Without anywhere for the moisture to go. So, yeah, you can be, like, talking into it. Oh, yeah, bloody trade and sell the stocks and stuff and people can't be spying on your hot Wall Street tips.

Oh, yeah, like you could be on a bus or a train. Yeah, and talking into it and people around you can't hear you. Talking about someone you can see on the bus. Yeah, and they'd it and people around you can't hear you. Talking about someone you can see on the bus. Yeah, and they'd never know. Yeah. It does look a little bit like a punishing device to wear, though, doesn't it? Yeah, it's like a muzzle. Yeah, it does.

It looks like a human muzzle. Just like you're biting other dogs at the dog park. I feel like we as a human race are obnoxious enough to just not care. You know, like how many times are you at a cafe or an airport or whatever, public transport, and someone's just having a full convo? All the time. And loud. Yeah.

And it seems that they're, what are those things called? Earbuds. Earpuds. Yeah, earbuds. Earpuds. Earpuds. Apple earpuds. Yeah, they had that big.

There's a lot of vowel sounds in that. You've got the E and the A in air. You've got the I. I thought it was a U. It's an O. E and A in air. It's A-I-R pods. Is it not E-A-R pods?

No, it's air like Apple Air, like airplay. AirPods. You can see my confusion because they go in your ear. Although I do love earpuds Oh, earpuds Are my absolute favourite That's the pudding for your ears Your ears get hungry too

Spoon a little Brulé in there I've got earpuds They are puds From Bali And they They're noise can from Bali. From Bali. And they're noise cancelling. And they're incredible.

Like, if I'm at the gym, I won't hear someone talking to me. I can't believe you. I can't believe you. I can't believe you've gone there. What do you mean I've gone to earpuds? I can't believe you've gone to earpuds. Yeah, I've never been to earpuds. Well, I was Pete's by Prey. I'm Pete's by Prey.

Yeah, from Bali as well. But they're basically earpods. Well, they're owned by Apple. Yeah. Yeah. But mine are pink. But my last one's... I can't believe you've gone

Pete's by Dre even. Why not? They're the incredible sound. Oh, they're so good. No, no, no, Pete's by Dre where they took them apart and they were worth $13 in parts and people were paying

hundreds of dollars for them. No, my Dre earpods are good. They're so good. Well, what are you using? Have you still got a cord? Over the head buddy spongy situations on a cord. No, on a cord.

Well, I've got to find something that plugs into my Walkman. Your Discman. Oh, no, no, tapes. Oh, tapes. Speaking of which, I've got to get some

new AA batteries because the batteries are wearing down and the tape's starting to spin a little bit slower. I've got a hot tip for you. Ready? Yeah. Take them out. Chew them a bit. No, no, no, no, new AA batteries because the batteries are wearing down and the tape's starting to spin a little bit slower. I've got a hot tip for you. Ready? Yeah.

Take them out. Chew them a bit. No, no, no, no, no. Chew the batteries. You chew the batteries a bit, squish them up, chuck them back in. You'll get a whole new world out of them. Yeah, gets the juice going in there. Yeah.

Don't bite too hard, obviously. Yeah. Where do you put your AA's and your earpods? No, they've got little built in. They're not AA's. The earpods come with a small built in rechargeable battery. No, I don't trust any of this. This sounds ridiculous.

This sounds like nonsense. You need to move into 2022. No, I thought we were all anti-earpods. We were when they had the giant tree stick hanging off the side of them. They don't have the giant tree stick. They don't have the giant... Do they hold it in the air?

Yeah, they're great. I've never fallen out. Yeah, I've got a petite air canal. And I've got a cavernous air canal. Right. Well, they give you a different size thing to squish in there. Oh, I don't like that. The one that suctions in and goes, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I've had more than one of those come off in my ear. No, they do. When we were here at work, they were like, get that in here so people can see your whole head on the videos we make for the radio. So I'm like, they can get out. We are all rocking industry standard headphones. I know, I know.

Imagine us all just having little earpods. Look at that damn phone! Sing it loud in case you don't already know. Pack up your shit and go. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Well,

this was, this is called the Pao Yon Veterans Home in Taiwan. A beautiful retirement home, I'm assuming, just for veterans. Yes. Who have served their country and now just deserve a nice, quiet, peaceful, well-looked-after later years of their life, I guess. Yeah. And to celebrate a mid-autumn festival, it's known as the Moon Festival, which is a traditional festival celebrated in Chinese culture,

celebrating wheat and rice harvests of the season. Okay. So this veteran's home decided to celebrate the Moon Festival by delighting their residents. They do this, don't they? They invite like children's groups to come in and sing for them. I remember going and singing Streets of Laredo at a... I could have accompanied you on the acoustic guitar. That was one of the songs I was forced to learn in my classical guitar class.

And didn't you watch, what was that show you watched and you were like, I need to go and go to a rest home. Old folks home for four year olds. And you were like, I need to go and perform. No, I felt like I need to have a baby so I can take it to these old people. They can enjoy it more than I will.

It's a terrible reason to have a baby. Give it back when it's fun. Anyway, no, they were treated to a stripper. A what? To a exotic dancer. The video for this is wild. Yes. Now, look, I'm not making any commentary about exotic dancing.

You do you and absolutely go for it. However, the audience was somewhat stunned. Two exotic dancers, one in particular was really going for it, and she starts sort of lying on the floor and then splays her legs in front of one of the veterans in his wheelchair, who I want to say is definitely not younger than 88, 90. It's a tough crowd, the rest home crowd, isn't it?

Because a lot of them are away with the fairies. Away with the fairies. They're all in well-chance. You know, they're all sort of clapping along. But, you know, I think even the impact of the clap is hurting their hands. Let alone when she gets up off the floor and hops on his lap and gives him one hell of a lap dance. He deserved it.

I think he responds the only way he knows how, which he just sort of hangs on. Yeah. Grabs on to the Thank you for your service. To the woman's breasts and has a little squeeze

to which the room bloody erupts. They love it. Whose idea was this? I bet there's heaps of the, you know, not retirement homes like that

where everybody's in the same area but you know the ones where there's heaps of little houses all popped in. Units. Yeah, yeah.

I bet, you know, if Steve goes in there because Beryl's passed. Oh yeah. He's still got urges. If everybody else is coupled up or, you know, there's a couple of Argos on the block that he doesn't want to, you know. You hear stories. He'd get it in. He'd phone it in. He'd get it outside.

Why not? Absolutely. Well, no, this was organised by the home, like by the people who run the home. I mean, you've seen those exorbitant fees. You'd expect something back, wouldn't you? Absolutely. They probably got it added to their bill at the end of the month. The family probably got the breakdown of the costs for the month,

but it was definitely on there. Yeah, I mean, you've got to look at the photos. I mean, she's a gorgeous gal and she's having fun and, like, he's having fun and like he's having fun and they're all laughing and having a great time. But the rest home has, apologize. What did they think they were getting?

Exactly that. No, no, this is not a case of, oh, I'm sorry, we thought we were getting a salsa trio. Yeah, okay. And actually The old boys must have asked for it. Who knows? No, they said like it was a great way to celebrate And a bit of fun for them However

They You know since the clip went viral Because there were quite a few Of the workers of the place filming Yeah They said that Yeah they've apologised Saying the intention of the event

Was to entertain residents And make them happy We're very sorry For the offence that it was caused We understand that the dancer Was a little too enthusiastic and fiery. Because you're running the risk of a heart attack at that age. But people are commenting saying like,

dude, these are veterans. These are like old veterans. Let him have a bit of fun. Yeah. Let him consensually grab a boobie at the end of his life. You know, why not? She's having fun. She's consenting to it. You know, why not? She's having fun. She's consenting to it.

It's a wild watch. They're having fun. If you want to watch a video, have a search online. It's just wild. Yeah, it's a stripper at old folks' home. It's a real joy

for your Thursday morning. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Hi there. In Queensland right now,

New Zealand spy agencies are hosting a secretive meeting. The Five Eyes counterparts at Millbrook Resort. How do we know this? Intelligence agencies Minister Andrew Little confirmed on Wednesday that the meeting was taking place. He said it was a routine annual meeting between the Five Eyes agencies that focused on interoperational needs.

And straight afterwards, everyone was like, shh. Dude. Dude. I mean, I don't think you could probably hide that, right? Be cool, though. Surely you'd see all the private jets. What do you mean there are private jets? Well, yeah, I think there'd be, well, maybe there's some military jets

parked up, surely. Oh, yeah, maybe, maybe. What a great place to have a conference, too. Oh, not bloody bad. The old Millbrook Resort. Knock off the conference hill and have a couple of bloody holes of golf. Have a right to...

You're not bloody wrong, mate. Have a bloody couple of red wines and some delicious Central Otago panel wine. Do you think they have it there because it's so far out of the way that if people

were going to come and spy on the spies they'd be easy to pick? I suppose so. There's lots of amenities there but yeah it's a little bit off the beaten trail perhaps.

Yeah. Well I've got the top six ways to spot spies in Queenstown. Number six on the list. The other guys in trench coats at the Remarkable Sweet Shop are husking for another sample of fudge.

I reckon you can get up to about seven free samples before they cut you off. If you're a spy, you've probably got a few disguises in your pocket so you probably just have a sample of every single flavour. But man, you'd be fuller. You'd feel a little bit sicky at the end of that. I love that place

Yeah The jelly tips are my fave That's a great That's a great fudge I'm a good fudge Have you never been You've never been to the Michael's Swiss Shop

No I know They've got one at the Airport now too They've got one in Arrowtown They've got one in Queenstown

They've got one at the Airport It is a delight You simply must I simply Number five on the list Of the top six ways To spot spies in

Queenstown They're the one reading The newspaper on the Shot over jet All Number five on the list of the top six ways to spot spies in Queenstown. They're the one reading the newspaper on the shot over jet and all the time like peeping over the top. Or they've got eye holes cut in it. Enjoying the shot over jet through eye holes carved in a fake newspaper. Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six ways to spot spies in Queenstown. They've got fake moustaches on the front deck of the Ernst Law and you can

tell it's a fake moustache because it's flapping in the wind as it chugs across the lake to Walter Peak Farm. Yes. Peeling somewhat. Yeah. Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap. These sound like terrible spies. Flap, flap, flap, flap. It's a classic though. Yeah. It's a classic disguise. You can't beat the classics. It really is.

Number three on the list of the top six wastes of spot spies in Queenstown. They're sneaking around Amersfield Winery in the vines, eyeing up the chef's choice lunch option. I've done that. It's so yum. Just going for a quick walk and they're just like gliding, if you will, down the vines. Yeah, it's a great spot. It's a great spot.

There's their little old tractor there. Have a couple of wines and hop on the old tractor. Yeah. Get a leg over there, old messy. Number two on the list of the top six ways to spot spies in Queenstown.

They're skiing at Kadrona in an all-white tuxedo sipping a martini. Oh, yeah, like in a James Bond movie. Yeah. Not spying. Run, run, run.

Run, run, run. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Ba-dee-na-wee. Ba-dee-na-wee. Ba-dee-na-wee. Ba-dee-na-wee. Not spitting And they get to the bottom And they go wait in the G lift Yeah To get back up there And number one on the list Of the top six ways

To spot spies in Queenstown They forgot their chains On the Crown Range In their vintage Aston Martin stuck in the snow And they're waiting For roadside rescue They wouldn't have a lot of grip Would they in Aston? Nah, not an old Aston Martins stuck in the snow and they're waiting for roadside rescue. They wouldn't have a lot

of grip, would they? Nah, not an old Aston Martin. Nah, nah, nah. Not a sort of a four-wheel drive situation at all. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's top picks.

Well, it's right now your chance to win. We have a $250 Prezi card and a three-month Neon subscription. If you are watching something on Neon at the moment that you love or you've seen something recently and you're like, I love this movie, I love this show, we want you right now to text TOP for your top pick to 9696 and we could be calling you back right now and hooking you up

with three months free neon and a $250 Prezi card. So do that right now. We're going to award our winner after we give our top picks. Yes. Currently on neon. I'll start. Do it. The Staircase. Rated 93%

on Rotten Tomatoes. IMDB gives it 7.2 out of 10. This, by the way, this has done everything now because The Staircase, the series you're talking about, is the dramatisation of it. Yes. There's been a documentary series. There's been a podcast investigation series.

Yes, it's had it all. I know. Because it's such a kind of enticing story. It's an insane story. It's insane. What's happening? So originally, the original... Don't give too much away because it's one of those... Yeah, there's some twists. It's an insane story. It's insane. So originally, the original... Don't give too much away because it's one of those...

Yeah, there's some twists. Some twists. Some twists. So originally, the original doco was 2004. And these documentary makers followed this guy, Michael Peterson, around when he was accused of murdering his wife. Who fell, quotes, fell down the stairs. Down the staircase, yeah. Down the staircase.

And so it was kind of, would you say in the day it was unprecedented? Because they'd invited these filmmakers, it was kind of they were following the entire trial. Yeah. Pre and post. Because usually you only get it like post, right? Yeah.

A reflective thing. It was very active. And so it was kind of like the first kind of true crime doco that kind of wowed people. And now all these years later, it's a dramatisation with some amazing actors. Colin Firth. Colin Firth is in it. Yeah.

Tony Collette. Yeah. And yeah, it's all neon. And so you can watch this miniseries and it's eight parts, eight eps. Yeah. And it's worth it. It's incredible. I've seen the whole thing.

If you're a true crime fan, yeah, you'd like it. Which I am. Yeah. I listen to true crime every day. Every day. I genuinely do. How morbid is it, though? It's so morbid that we love true crime.

I know. Yeah, but that's my pick on there on the staircase. My top pick is Barry. You guys seen Barry yet, Bill Hader? I've seen season one. No, you've got to watch the whole thing. Yeah. is Barry. You guys seen Barry yet, Bill Hader? I've seen season one. No, you gotta watch the whole thing.

Yeah. So it's a black comedy about a, um, Depressed hitman? A depressed hitman, basically, but somehow he finds his way into the world of acting.

Yeah. Acting classes. It's really dark, but very, very funny. Season one, 98% of Rotten Tomatoes. Season two and three, 100%.

Yeah. It is so good. It's like ridden by Hayter and someone else. And you think of him as being like the funny SNL guy. Yeah. But he is like, it's dark. Yeah, he's brilliant. But it's so funny.

It's really, really good. I absolutely loved it. I mean, when it first came out, it was kind of one of those things where it's like, have you seen Barry? And everyone was like, no. And you're like, you've got to watch it. It was like kind of hip and underground. But now it's had three seasons and everyone loves it.

Yeah. So Barry on Neon, that's Hayley's pick. Bourne, your pick this week. Mine's a series called The Last Movie Stars. And you know Paul Newman of Paul Newman's salad dressing? Yes.

Yes. So he was like a golden age of Hollywood actor. Yeah. And apparently he wanted to write a memoir or have someone write them for him. So there's all these like interviews on tape. Nothing ever happened with it. Oh.

And then he died and then like cleaning out his estate, his daughter found it and was like, these are amazing stories of a bygone era. So Ethan Hawke, actor Ethan Hawke, directed it and narrated it. And listen to some of the cast of the people who are in this. George Clooney's in it. He plays Paul Newman.

Laura Linney's in it. So good. Rose Byrne's in it. Billy Crudup's in it, who doesn't do enough since Almost Famous. Yeah. Very, very handsome man. Should be in it. Vincent D'Onofrio, Oscar Isaac.

Yes, please. Yes, please. Sam Rockwell, Mark Ruffalo. All playing historic actors of the golden era of Hollywood. So cool. And it's just like all the story, and it's all like, it's interwoven with actual audio and video

of him talking about things that happen. Yeah, it's like a limited series. It's amazing. All right, so check that out. That's Vaughn's pick. And Megan joins us. Megan, you've ticked through. What's your pick on Neon at the moment?

Hi, my pick was the Fly Attendant. Yes! Oh, I watched that. Kayleigh, quack, quack, quack. Quack, quack. Shit, that... Quack, quack. Quack, quack. It's kind of like Barry in the way that it's like a lead comedian but in a dark

comedy. You know what I mean? Like someone we know is doing comedy, and then it's really dark. It is. It's so good. Has that been that second series? Second series. Second series is out on Neon. Yeah, it has.

Oh, the second series is out? Yeah. Well, they must have announced in the third one, because there was some news this week that she's just got another series of it. Oh, fantastic. Well, Megan, congratulations. We're going to hook you up with a three-month Neon subscription and a $250 Prezi card.

All yours. Well done. Yay, thank you so much. Awesome. And you can watch TV series and movies handpicked for Kiwis by Kiwis on Neon. Next on the show, guys, I got to witness some history yesterday. You both mocked me. I was mocked all around the office.

You were. And I tell you what, you all regret it now, don't you? I do a little bit. Well, yesterday, guys, I got to witness history. I talked about this on the show yesterday. You mocked me. I did. What were your exact words?

You said... That sounds lame. Yeah. Yeah. I witnessed yesterday... What a loser. Yeah, you called me a loser. What a nerd.

Yeah, you said, better ways to spend a Wednesday night. Better ways to spend a Wednesday. Yeah, that's mean, isn't it? Absolute loser. I bullied him. I bullied him. You did. And there's no place for it.

Well, yesterday, luckily I was invited along, lucky enough to be invited along to witness history, to witness the tunnel boring machine break through the wall into the new Aotea train station that will be part of the city rail loop. Yes. And, you know, you said, like you just said, boring. Well, I just thought it sounded boring. It sounded like you were going to go down in a dirt hole and then watch some dirt be broken through and then you go home.

Yeah, well, and you saw my story last night. And it looked bloody cool. You apologised, didn't you? I did because one, they had the whole area lit up and you can kind of get a feel for how cool that station's going to be. It's going to be amazing, yeah. So they kind of opened it up and they had a lot of performances,

they had speeches. Lights. Yeah, lights. Drinkies? Drinkies and nibs? Drinkies and nibs! I didn't know there was drinkies and nibs. There was drinkies and nibs, so you would have definitely enjoyed it. Did you get a little bit of dust in your nibs? Drinkies and nibs! Drinkies and nibs! I didn't know there was drinkies and nibs. There's drinkies and nibs, so you would have definitely enjoyed it. Did you get a little bit of dust in your nibs? No, it was pretty dust free actually. Well they had the hoses.

So they did all the speeches and then they were like, okay guys, it's about to break through. And they invited everyone to the edge of the platforms and down below and then we just waited. And they had hoses going because it was going to cut through and the dust was going to... It was just insane. It doesn't happen as fast as you think it would. No, I thought

it was going to be like... It just appears because we're misled by cartoons, aren't we? Those big pointy, moley digger things. Yeah, like Ninja Turtles. Shredder and the foot soldiers used to come popping up from the Krang's Technodome. But I put it on my story.

I'm just having a lovely day. Blair Chen said on Instagram, if you want to see the tunnel borer poke through. It was pretty insane. Pretty insane. And you look good too, cute pink little safety helmet. They gave everybody a hard hat and a high vis. It looks incredible down there. Yeah, it's going to be.

It's still like a few years away, I think, from being finished. Kia Matata Dame Fina Cooper. So that's the name of the... The tunnel boring machine. Dame Fina Cooper. And some of her whanau were there yesterday. I saw her daughter speaking on a news article. That's awesome.

Wow. What did she say? Like, mum used to love digging holes. You know, mum famously loved digging a hole and then going sideways at the bottom of the hole and then digging up another one. I suppose breaking through walls. Yeah, I mean that's the metaphor.

Is that the metaphor? She never gave up. No, she did say like, you know, the early family, you built Auckland and, you know, settled and then now she's underground building it kind of thing. Yeah, right. That was the vibe of that. I didn't expect, when I'm just on your Instagram, Fletch,

you might as well get a few followers out of this. Well, I just think people need to see this feat of its history, civil engineering. I love a bit of engineering. I didn't think it would be so wet, like the gushing. No, they gush it because, well, it's easier because it can grip better. Right. But also if you're ever drilling through anything,

you've got to put water on for cooling down. And as Fletch said, it would have been a dusty bugger if they had better. Right. But also, if you're ever drilling through anything, you've got to put water on for cooling down and as Fletch said, it would have been a dusty bugger if they had it. Yeah. But I tell you what, the response was pretty insane

from my Instagram. So people were just like, I did not expect to enjoy this. Oh, the response on your Instagram. Yeah. I thought you meant the response when it came through, which sounded a bit more like,

woo! No, people were cheering. And then it was, do you know what was pretty cute is everybody from, because you know, people from all around the world are here, you know, people were cheering. And then it was, do you know what was pretty cute? Is everybody from, because, you know, people from all around the world are here, you know, experts and stuff.

And they took a photo of everyone holding up the flags from their different countries, and they all looked so happy. It's like, you know, if we put aside our differences and concentrate on a common goal, we can achieve anything. Yeah. Do you know, I got a message last night

from the Jeremy Wells. Put that on a T-shirt. The Jeremy Wells. The Jeremy Wells. The Jeremy Wells. He said, messaged me saying, I never picked you for an infrastructure nerd. Kudos to you. Little does he know. Oh, massive.

Little does he know. Massive infrastructure nerd. But you would have loved it, Vaughn. Yeah, I would have loved it. Yeah, you should have. Oh, look, I was dealing with some stuff. It's a story for another day, but I was dealing with some stuff. You had a day, didn't you?

I had a day. I was dealing with some stuff. All right, next on the show, how many days away from Christmas are we? Let me bring up the Christmas clock. We are today on the 15th. 100. On the 15th of September, 100 days until Christmas. Oh, wait.

Tomorrow will be double didgy. It's a pop-down time. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM. Double Ditchy. Well, today we are 100 days and 16 hours and 34 minutes away from Christmas. Woo! I got a sneeze in me. Get it out. No, you've named it now. It's gone.

It has. It's gone, hasn't it? Oh, no. I hate when that happens because I love a sneeze. Oh, my God. Back down the nose. Yeah. I love to let rip.

Yeah, really. Oh, dude! Get it done. All right, let's have a look at some Christmas Penetration Reports. Yes, please. Oh. Cedrine. How would you say C-E-N-D-R-I-N-E? Cedrine.

Cedrine? Cedrine. Cedrine. Cedrine? What a lovely name. Cedrine. It was reporting Christmas penetration at Countdown Papamoa. And this is just as in Christmas penetration.

We've got chocolate Santas, chocolate reindeers, chocolate birds. No. We need birds. We need birds. We need birds. We need birds. We need birds.

We need birds. We need birds. We need birds. We need birds. We need birds. Are they turtle doves? Nah. Are they pigeons?

They're comical pink and blue and green birds. Oh, they've got no place. They're rocking at $6.90 as well. They've got no place at Christmas. Unless they're trying to get a generic chocolate thing that can do Easter and Christmas. That would be smart. Yeah, nothing about it screams. It does have a hat on, but hats are, you know, multi-season.

There's a white chocolate rabbit. Milky bar. It's got glasses on it. It's trying to replicate the Milky Bar Kid. Okay. So there you go. That's something for you. And then below, more of these Christmas birds.

They look to be associated with Smarties. Okay. I like a happy version of Angry Birds. And then below that, some Santas wearing more of a black outfit. Okay, look, if I could just describe to the listener, Vaughn is hunched over 30 centimetres from his laptop screen. That's not my eyesight. You need glasses.

That's not my eyesight. Have you booked an optometrist? I can see close. No, I can see close. It's far away. That's a problem. And I heard you can get LASIK more than once. Can you?

Yeah. Go get it. Yeah, I'll do that again. But look how small that is. I'm trying to identify tiny things. I can see it from here. Just do a pinch and zoom. No.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. On the pad. No, Oh, my God. Oh, my God. On the pad. No, that doesn't work. Yes, it does. Double fingers. Yeah. Is it the Vodafone Warriors branched out into Santa chocolate?

No, that's my eyes playing tricks on me. But guess what's under there? Guess what's under there? What? Terry's chocolate orange. Yeah. Terry's chocolate orange. It's a Terry's chocolate orange.

That's chocolate orange. It's a Terry's chocolate orange. That's so delicious. Elizabeth has made a report of something she's been offered. Typical Elizabeth. This is in the UK, though. For £35, you can go to a traditional Christmas wreath-making workshop. Our Hobbycraft colleague will guide you through all the steps of making and decorating your beautiful Christmas wreath with all the embellishments and components included in your craft kit.

So, like a workshop to make a wreath. Yeah. Someone said, what the bloody hell are you doing here? This is in Costco in Canada. I mean, it's Costco. I assume they started celebrating Christmas in April. Yeah. It's a giant Christmas tree, like a giant Costco-sized Christmas tree.

Reports are that Costco in Auckland is imminent. It's weeks away. They're waiting for a couple of council things. Yeah, I've got to go get my card. You've got to get your card. You're not doing it online. You've got to get your card every time I drive past that little petrol station. Their petrol's so much cheaper.

Yeah, but you've got to pay $60 a year to be in the club. But I reckon you'll save that on a big box of toilet paper alone. Yeah, 100%. Literally on your Christmas decorations. God, I love bulk buying. I'm going to love Costco. Oh, you're going to love it. You're right out there on your bike.

There's a bike. There's a cycleway all the way there. And what's it going to carry back? I'm going to get a trailer. Get one of those creepy trailers that people tow their kids around in. Yeah, which is real safe. Yeah. And way creepy

when there's no kids in it. It's just full of all your bulk buys. Christmas lights Christchurch Christmas light display enthusiasts Facebook page. Who knew that was a thing?

Who knew? As reporting a big turnout at Bunnings Rickerton. They've got their Christmas stock. Neither of the others do as I've been around all of them tonight, says Kirsten.

Okay. So she's been hunting, but it's in Rickerton that she's found them. You've got your toy soldiers. You've got your Christmas unicorns again. I'm not sure unicorns are synonymous with Christmas. We've got a hoofed creature, you know. But it's quite a magical holiday. It is a magical animal on a magical holiday.

It's got candles that look like candy canes, like fake candles, not actual candles. But it's quite a magical holiday. It is a magical animal on a magical holiday. It's got candles that look like candy canes, like fake candles, not actual candles. Andy's got a report from Palmerston North Christmas Penetration. What the bloody hell is this? And it is Santa's Magical Workshop in Palmerston North has got its magical candy canes out and is indicating that Christmas is definitely imminent. More reports. The reports don't end there. Ben said, I was at Magic Loft, which is a kids' playground, Christmas penetration in here

and it's got Christmas decorations up already. Now it's easy. You don't have to take your kids to the supermarket or whatever and you can kind of keep Christmas out of their zeitgeist. But when it's all over the kids' playground, it's hard to deny that Christmas is on the way,

but also easy to get them to behave in that situation. Melanie says, this might take Christmas penetration down, but a recent wordle had all the clues that it looked like the five-letter word was going to be Santa. Oh, okay. It was not.

Satan? It was... No, it wasn't Satan either. Oh, damn. Santa? Tell me what it was't Satan either. Oh, damn. Fanta? You shouldn't tell me what it was. Tanta. Probably Tanta.

I don't know if they branched out into brand product placements. Maybe. It could be. Could be sharing some similar leaders there. Well, with all that in mind, 100 days today away from Christmas. Comet Cupid polished polish the sleigh. Right now, Christmas penetration

is at... 25%! No way! It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. I am filming

with my dear friend Vaughan Smith tonight in the episode of Have You Been Paying Attention? And the night before we film, I always have to pack up my stuff and, you know, get it all in a bag and make sure it's all there. And one of the things I always have to pack is an extra bag of hair because I don't have a lot of hair. And when I'm on TV, people are like, people always say like, oh, no, you've got heaps of hair.

It's all fake. When I'm on TV, I'm wearing more extensions than I am normal hair. Yeah, right. It's just a TV, it's a little trick. TV, it's lies to you, isn't it? It's all BS. I'm telling you, it's all lies. But then I remembered, oh, my God, that's right.

I haven't sorted this debacle, which is on Friday last week, I did the comedy gala, took my hair extensions there, put them in a bag, partied afterwards, put the bag in the Uber, hair extensions fell out, left my hair extensions in an Uber. And I'm just wondering, I was trying to go back before in my app who the driver was, because at some point he's going to open, it's like a little box, a little pink box, and you'll be like, what on earth is this? He's going to open it, and it's like human hair.

It's hair. Like quite a fair amount of human hair. You are going to end up on that list. I know. It comes out every year. Uber sends it round. It's like the weird things we've found in Ubers and there's like a prosthetic leg, half a bowl of pasta

and a box of human hair. And we'll be laughing at it and it'll be you. That's me because I don't know. I haven't done the like, hey, I lost something in the Uber and he hasn't reached out either because I'm embarrassed because I'm going to be like, oh, what did you leave? A box of hair.

A box of hair. Hair extensions though, I don't understand. Yeah, as an Uber driver, you don't, if you're reuniting someone with something that they've left in your Uber, are you getting paid to drop that off to their house? Probably not, eh? So why would you care? I don't know.

I left my phone in an Uber. That wasn't even that. This isn't even a story that can be like, a couple of years ago I left my phone in an Uber. No, like four weeks ago maybe. I left my phone in an Uber. Yeah. You can track that though, right?

Yeah, and I tracked it and I found him and I like contacted him and he was like, it's all good, I'm heading out your way. And then I was like, I'll pay you. But he said no. But usually I'd just be like, I'll just order your Uber. Yeah.

And I'll pay you. But anyway, I. But usually I'd just be like, I'll just order your Uber. Yeah. And I'll pay you. But anyway, I've left a box of my hair in the thing. So I had to go and buy some new hair. How much does hair cost? It's like $170. And it's real hair? It's human hair. And did you get the same hair?

I bought the exact same one. Right. And do you have to colour it or you don't colour your hair? It's just you buy the same as your hair colour? Yeah, you match it. They've got lots of colour options. It's fascinating. What?

You go into this place and there's all these like hairs. Like can you get like a big ginger? Yeah, you can get ginger. Ginger streak. Pink, purple. Blue? Brown, black, blonde, streaky. Wow.

Mine's kind of brown with some blondie streaks because that's what my hair is. Yeah. And check me out on TV tomorrow. I'm rocking a fresh set of extensions because I left a box of hair. In an Uber. In an Uber. And that's what of extensions because I left a box of hair in an Uber. And that's what we want to know. What did you leave in the Uber? And I'm not talking about your casual cell phone.

Maybe something that just made you feel embarrassed or incredibly awkward or just weird. We're like, I need to explain that to this person. Something that would need explaining. Yeah. Or maybe something that really inconvenienced you, like the last set of keys to your car or house. Or granddad's ashes. Yes. On the way home from the crematorium.

What if you went to the kebab shop, right? You're coming home from town. You went to the kebab shop. Do you say kebab? I say kebab. I always say kebab. I went to private school. Yeah, but there's no R in there, is there?

I'm not saying kebab. Kebab. Kebab. It's kebab. Kebab. Kebab. Have a kebab, darling. Have a kebab. Sit down Kebab. Kebab. It's kebab. Kebab. Kebab. Have a kebab, darling. Have a kebab. Sit down.

Have a kebab. Have a kebab. But imagine if you got a kebab and you fell asleep in the taxi and then you got out. Yeah. And then you left a log of kebab in the back. Oh, you're getting a one star if you leave a log of kebab. A juicy. Yeah.

Juicy kebab. Yes. All right. Well, give us a call. 0800 DARS at M. Uber or taxi. We want to hear from you this morning. a call. 0800 DALS at M. Uber or taxi? We want to hear from you this morning. What did you leave?

What did you leave in the Uber? Well, she's gone and done it again. I know. I always leave things in Ubers, but this time it's slightly harder to explain. I left a box of human hair. And I've just left it there. I'm not going to deal with it.

I've already replaced it. Tony, what have you left in an Uber or a taxi? So I do theatre, and I was taking an Uber to the theatre and I left a prop which was a human skull in a box that said human skull and looked legitimately like a human skull and terrified the Uber driver. Did you ever get it back? I did.

I contacted him and he was like, did you leave the skull? And I was like, I am ashamed get it back? I did. I contacted him and he was like, did you leave the skull? And I was like, I am ashamed, but yes, I did. Were you doing... Macbeth. Hamlet.

Hamlet. I was doing the complete works of William Shakespeare A Bridge. So you've got a hammer. Oh, okay. Horatio, you know. A last poor Yorick.

Yeah. Oh, it was a Yorick. I thought it was Horatio before she knew him well. Yeah, it is. A last poor Yorick. I knew him Horatio I went to a low decile school

I don't know what this all means I'm obviously butchering this Shakespeare reference Alaskor Horatio I knew that Out damn spot Tony thanks you called some messages in Out damn spot Are you just shutting down your Costco membership? We all just joined Costco

It's pretty fun in here guys Fun time Tunnel boring machines, discounted toilet paper membership. We all just joined Costco. It's pretty fun in here, guys. It's a fun time. Tunnel boring machines, discounted toilet paper. You've come to the home of rock and roll. What you do? Somebody left a full casserole dish. Casserole included.

Oh, let's get back. Surely the driver would have smelt that delicious casserole. Yeah. I love a bait meat and carb dish. Yeah, yum, yum, casserole. Oh, let's get back. Yum. Surely the driver would have smelt that delicious casserole. Yeah. I love a baked meat and carb dish. Yeah, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Put it in a dish, make it wet. Yeah.

Bake it. You'd just be like, I didn't see that in the back of my Uber. No. It's at your home. It wasn't there. This story might just be trying to get some freebies out of us here, but it said, I left my ZM Friday Jams T-shirt merchandise from three years ago. Remember the last one with the black eyed peas?

In a cab and I'm still devastated. That's on you. Do we have any of those lying around? No, we don't. We're already working on the next ones. Yeah, we're working on the next ones. You can buy a ticket to Friday Jams. You can buy a ticket.

You can get a fresh T-shirt. Absolutely. Knock yourself out. What you left in a taxi? What you left in an Uber? There's somebody out there with a box of hair. Yeah. It's quite, I mean, go for it.

Use it. If you've found it, this is your Uber. Please feel free to use it. So it's human hair. But it's on clips. But it's on clips and you buy it. Yeah. I mean, there's some funny stuff with it, you know.

Who, where do they get the people? You sell your hair to it, right? Yeah, you can sell it. In New Zealand? No. Overseas? Yeah, it'd be overseas. It's that good hair.

The good overseas hair. It's from Becky with the good hair. But you know, like, people donate hair here, here, here. Hair. Hair. Hair. Hair. Hair.

Hair. In New Zealand to like Wigs for like Sick kids and stuff Yeah yeah That's amazing But to do it I always wanted to do it But to do it

Has to be undyed So if you've got dyed hair You've got to grow that out first Chop it off And then grow it long enough To a certain amount And then you put it in plants Chop it off

Send it off You send it off in plants Right Yeah yeah yeah Would you be worried though That some of this hair Gets sent off overseas For people like you

To buy it and wear it on TV, that they could clone your DNA? I'm a child in need. I don't have a lot of hair. And I need more. Also, they're just going to randomly clone from some hair sample. Yeah, just to see who it was. Oh, right.

No. Okay, well, I don't trust it. I don't trust it. You're not going to be great at hair. Someone is putting their finger in the rabbit hole and seeing if they can fit the rest of their body in there and they're going to go down some crazy internet rabbit hole. So one of the weirdest things that you've left in an Uber or a taxi.

I'm not going to read that one out because I think it's just that trying to get us to say something silly on the radio. Oh, okay, yeah. You don't want to get in trouble. On the 9th of my 21st, I left all of my gifts in the boot of the car. There were so many vouchers that were there that I was lucky to get it back the next day. Oh, thank God. Yeah, because you would.

You'd get a lot of prezzies. I was once leaving a flat party and I'm a kleptomaniac when intoxicated. I took a grater and a butcher's knife from the flat and then got in the Uber, got out of the Uber and realised that I'd left the grater behind, but that's okay because the grater was filthy. Yeah, okay. So you left a filthy cheese grater in the back of an Uber.

My tooth fell out at dinner when I was a kid and I wanted so badly to take it home, but it fell asleep in the taxi. Oh, mum and dad couldn't go out for dinner without getting on the piss, it turns out. I left my loose tooth in the taxi, but he came and dropped it off when he found the tooth. Oh, mum and dad couldn't go out for dinner without getting on the piss. Hello. Turns out. Left my loose tooth in the taxi. But he came and dropped it off when he found the tooth. Oh, gross. Let that go.

Let that go. Vacuum it up. I left my passport and all my money in a taxi at the border between Hong Kong and China. That was a little bit of admin involved in getting that. Because you have to find the company that you were in and it's not always clear. Jeepers. Well, she's been out a few problems with her phone this week. I really have.

No notifications were coming through. We checked the settings. It all looked tickety-boo with regards to notifications. So Fletch is like, do a hard reset. I really back. I'm back. She's back, baby. All the issues still remain, but at least I've got my, like, contacts on the phone. Yeah. And I really saw yesterday when we talked about the hours people spend on TikTok versus the hours people spend on Reels. Yep. I really saw

a sparkle in Sproul's eye and she thought, well, I've got to get me some of them TikTok hours. Yeah, it was a lot of hours. Like, the world every single day was spending... 22,500 years. It's the equivalent of the world collectively blows out 22,500 years.

It was like 178 million hours a day. It is insane. Ridonculous. And so somehow that made you want to get TikTok. Because you've been resisting. I know. I've been on TikTok, but then I forgot my login. So I was like, I can't be bothered.

I'm an Instagram girl. That's where I'm at. I love Instagram. I love a reel. I love posts. I love the filters. Instagram is my thing. Instagram is the last one I ever truly care about.

Really? You know, TikTok's come along and I'm like, meh. But I mean, the stats are undeniable. Undeniable. Everybody is addicted to it. I know. And I watch reels and stuff. And then I was like, you were doing a B-reel this morning, Vaughn, and I was like, do I need B-reel? What's a B-reel? Well, B-reel's like

the latest one and it's just like, it's like, ding, take a photo now. Yeah. And when you open your camera, you've got two minutes to take a photo. If you don't take a photo of both your forward-facing and back-facing camera, you don't get to see everybody else's photos that day. Yeah, so you're following your friends. Yeah.

And the idea is there's no filters. It's just taking the photo, front and back camera, where you are in that moment in time and you're supposed to as soon as you get the notification race to take it but it came through at like one o'clock last night

so everybody's popping them up first thing this morning that's a no so I was like I've got to be more active on social media I'm 32 years old

you know I'm young and fresh and hip so you know Instagram that's not the coolest one anymore I don't tweet I can't stand Twitter I have it it's a feral place. I don't tweet. Yeah. I can't stand Twitter. I have it.

It's a feral place, isn't it? But I don't use it. I was just trying to see if someone mentioned me on Twitter recently. I really enjoy Pax Asadi filling in for Hayley Sprout and I haven't been paying attention. Jesus. Like that's the last time. We're going to be hearing about it. We're filming today.

I'm imagining that's going to be coming up. Oh, wow. I'm going to do a full-time job and just ruin my life. I'm going to do that. Half a. That's going to be at least half a dozen times. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So have you made

a conscious effort not to TikTok? Yeah, I thought TikTok was lame, I'm going to be honest. I was like, the dancing. I can't stand the,

the loose dancing, which is the antithesis of sharp marching. You know what I mean? The timing and the effort. Sloppy arms. Wow.

Sloppy, slow arms. Like, I just can't. Wow. Sloppy, slow arms. Like, I just can't. But some TikToks now, I think it's getting better. It's getting fresher. It's getting cooler. So I've joined TikTok. Oh, my God.

So aggressive. The app is so aggressive. We should do that video where you're just dressed all, like, slobbily and then you do a roll over your bed and you flick your, have you seen this? And then you flick your sweatshirt at the camera and then when that goes down, you just look like an angel. Should I do it tonight? Because I'm doing Have You Been Paying Attention? We have full face of makeup and I look like a slob this morning.

Yeah, you need to be at the same place. So you agree I look like a slob this morning? Did you notice I didn't answer? How did you fall into that trap? I was running. You're married to a female. I was running down a track, you see, and then all of a sudden I came around the corner and it was too late. I was already in.

I'd stood on the gin trap. Okay, I need to watch that. I'll do one today. I'm going to try to do some talk trends. Are you with roly polies? I did a roly poly a few years ago and it really hurt my neck. You've never been the same since. You were doing a funny video for Instagram. A backwards roly poly. Six months

you hurt your neck. I still feel it on cold mornings. Well, I've done one. I did a video this morning and it's had a... Oh, shush. The app is so aggressive, honestly. Hayley Sproul NZ, that's me, and I'm getting into it. And now I've just joined Be Real, but I can't get the bloody account to work.

I don't know if social media is for you. How did I get my contacts? I don't feel like I consented to that. I don't know if it's for you. You would have approved it. And then do I? They always ask. Is it all right if we have a look at your contacts?

Kyle Fletcher, I'll add. Jared Pickstock, I'll add you. Are you on at Vaughan? You are, but you were my inspiration. Yeah. Oh, there's Ross Boss. I don't think I added my contacts, though. We'll add.

No, you haven't come up Vaughan Smith. I'm a bit of a I'm there. So like Instagram is my curated look at me, my life is perfect. Don't look too deep into it. Yeah. TikTok is my look at me, I'm creative and fun. Yeah. What's my B-reel?

This is raw, unfiltered sprout. Slob. This could be the app for me. A perpetual slob. No makeup, just in trackies. All right. Allow. Allow.

Okay. I'm popping off. Next movie. I'm going to be tweeting my political opinions soon. Say what you will about David Seymour, but the guy's got some points. LAUGHTER So silly, silly, silly, that silly little boy. Silly little boy. Silly little boy. Silly little boy. Silly little boy.

Has it not worked? If somebody's listening that works at Costco, your website's shit. Have you... Sort it out. Is it because you lent Vaughan your card? Your MasterCard. Because I don't have a MasterCard. What am I, poor? I don't know.

I actually don't know if there's any difference between Visa and MasterCard. There's not. I don't think there's a big rivalry. I think they're both evil credit card companies. I think we can all agree it's American Express. Again, I don't know. It won't let me check out to get my card.

I don't know the difference between credit cards, but it wouldn't let me use... Oh, no. See, you can't even get to the park. You can't even get to the park. It won't let me check out to get my card. The difference in credit cards, but it wouldn't let me use. Oh, no. See, you can't even get to the park. You can't even get to the park. It's quite useless. All we want is a 30kg bag of turkey food. You know I love bulk buying.

I'm so excited about Costco. I was watching the video on their Costco site, and it was like, and we've got all this as well. And it was a bag of turkey food. I'm like, what a niche thing to show. Chicken food would have been the better option. Can a turkey chicken eat turkey food? Maybe because you mentioned that you were joining Costco before.

People, other people. I am influential. You influence people who've crashed the website. I'm influential in the online space. You can't get it. So we're going to be shopping up large and you're going to be having a basic little. Also, this membership that you're paying, is it going to start from when the store opens? I don't want to be paying for three weeks of nothing.

He's worried that if he starts, if it takes the $60 now on its calendar year to year, that he's going to miss out on the three weeks that it's not open. It opens in 13 days. I'll be having words. I want those 13 days free. What is... $28.

$28 it opens. $60 divided by 365 equals times how many days until it opens? 13 days. That's $2. It's the principal, Vaughn. Is that right? Oh, my God. Just shut him up.

I'll chip in a buck. You chip in a buck. Okay. Are you happy? Do you want us to transfer it to your account? That would be lovely. Thank you. Today's silly little poll.

We asked you, New Zealand, for your favourite dating apps. Yeah, because apparently it's shifted shifted It was always Tinder, right? Tinder was the big Yeah But I think if you want something serious The idea is you wouldn't go for Tinder Isn't Tinder just quite hot? In saying that, do you remember a few

Was it a month or two ago We wanted to know the age of New Zealand's oldest Tinder babies And there were many, weren't there? Yes, there were many Many happily married people. Fletch, you're the only single one in this room. What's your favourite? Oh, none of them.

You don't love the apps? I don't think anyone loves them. That's the thing. No one loves them. He likes a challenge. He'll use the weather app. Really likes a challenge. Yeah, if you can hook up on the weather app.

You've done it. You've clocked it. You've clocked dating life. But if anybody can, this guy can. What's your favourite dating app? 49% of people said Tinder. Bumble came in second at 27%. Hinge third at 17%.

And a grinder at 6%. Okay. 6% for the old grinders. Instagram only gives you four poll options. Yeah, we didn't put any more on there. There was that dating app we talked about that's only on a day of the week, Thursday, today. Oh, yeah.

And only works on a Thursday. But I don't know if that's become big in New Zealand or just America. But I think it's kind of starting to make inroads. Yeah. Because everybody gets excited because you have to be on on Thursday. You pile in and get all hot and heavy and then you have to leave for a week.

Yeah, there's this feeling that you'll miss out if you're not there on Thursday. Well, here's some feedback on people's preferred dating apps. Melanie says, I met my partner on Tinder and before that I had lots of fun. Capital letters on lots of fun. Okay, you're good. Not everyone's having fun on it though, are they? No. Okay, you're good. Not everyone's having fun on it, though, are they? No. Okay, here's Sharon.

Although Sharon's a name you'd probably associate with nzdating.co.nz or Find-A-Mate, whatever Trademace was. Sharon, young and hip. Bumble gives you more information. Tinder is just a hot mess of guys looking for ons. One night stands. One night stands. One night stands. I love it.

I watched your brain. Oh, yeah. I was like, huh? Literally see it go tick, tick, tick, tick. Looking for ons. And profiles with only pictures of sunsets and or cars. So there, she's putting her money on Bumble. Okay.

Is our Sharon. Alana says, Bumble and Hinge are great, but too restrictive, as you have to pay for features. Also, I don't love that the girl needs to message first on Bumble. I thought that was... I was... Alana, I was incorrect in assuming that was a thing women liked.

They had to begin negotiations. I guess not everyone. Yeah, there's the pressure. There's a lot of pressure. It's like playing chess, you know, who gets to go first? It's always best to go first. You get to set the board. Or, you know, negotiating with terrorists, which in the early stages of a relationship can be quite a lot like. But if you're negotiating

first, you are the terrorist. What are you, dating Al-Qaeda? No, I'm dating a woman who, uh, the Al-Qaeda of genders. I'll take it. You didn't really say that. You're a hornsmith. You think you're in the midst of peaceful negotiations? Cease fire over, you know?

Cease fire over. I'm not denying that what he is saying. Rachel said, Tinder. Met a guy through it and over two years later couldn't be more happy. So that's worked for her. That's why she says that's my favorite. Yeah. Matt says, you can't go past the original dating app, Grindr.

It's where I found my partner of nine years. Oh, and in straight years, that's like 42. A thousand years. Yeah, that's 42 straight years. A thousand. Miss AJ. AJ writes Hinge is the best

Works well for the passive dater Who is looking for more than a hook up Can see who likes you And when they like you And decide then No time pressures No expectations Oh nice okay

So there's Hinge is Is it hinge? Social media wise You see a lot of hinge Like they must pay People to do Posts about it

Oh okay right Like you never see Tinder pay promo Yeah right Yeah No but even like Accounts see a lot of Hinge. Like, they must pay people to do posts about everything. Like, you never see Tinder pay promo. Yeah, right. Yeah. No, but even, like, accounts do stories on Hinge.

Yeah. Lauren says, Hinge only because I was banned from Tinder. Oh, how do you get banned? Tell us why. We've got a firecracker on our hands here.

I'm just Googling how you get banned from Tinder. We've got a top Al-Qaeda operative right here, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, I'd love Lauren. Oh, I don't know about this, though. Fake profile, inappropriate offensive language, homophobia, racism, spam accounts, or posting inappropriate pictures. Maybe someone thought she was so hot that she was a catfish, and they reported her.

It's like, that's fake. No woman looks like that. Yeah. Or maybe she had an accidental nip slip. So she said, so Hinge, only because I was banned from Tinder, I'm currently looking for a sophisticated bogan dude with a boat. Let me know if you know anyone. Oh, my God.

She's trying to use our radio show. The moment she said sophisticated bogan dude, I was like, yum. Lauren. Yum. Lauren, get in. What is a sophisticated bogan?. I was like, yum. Lauren, yum. What is a sophisticated bogan? Get in touch with Lauren. Let's find her a

sophisticated bogan with a boat. It's like a guy who looks rough but is like clean and like takes care of himself. He like got shaggy

hair but it doesn't stink. Like a tradie but are we talking like a tradie that owns his own business? Yes. Oh, okay.

You're right. Sorry, sorry. Did the mic pop then? I got a little excited. Okay, well, we've got Lauren's account. I just want to know what she was banned for. I think, A, we need to find out what she was banned for. B, we need to find her love and a boat.

Yeah, if you are or know of a sophisticated bogan, please do text us, 9696. Yeah, maybe, because, you know, they're probably struggling to find love. Yeah. Because when they go to the pub, you know, everyone's like, yeah, I'll have a woody. Because you look like a bogan, please do text us 9696. Yeah, maybe. Because, you know, they're probably struggling to find love. Yeah. Because when they go to the pub, you know, everyone's like, yeah, I'll have a woody. Because you look like a bogan.

I'll have a vodka soda with a wedge of lime. Because he's a sophisticated bogan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, he's looking after himself. And, you know, he's only having a couple because he's got to go to the... He's looking after his niece tomorrow. Yes, and he can't have a hangover for it because he's taking

the niece and the dog to the park because the niece loves the dog and then he's got to go and do that tree planting we all want to marry this guy now don't we

well he's a sophisticated bogan and he'll take his own boat to the tree planting on to the titty marting because he's got his own boat oh he's hot

oh he's hot there we go that's our last one I think we've finished we've finished on a high we've finished on a real beauty there. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Can we just stop down momentarily before Fact of the Day to have some sophisticated Bogan reports? Oh, okay, yeah. My mate's a Bogan and he's got a boat. He's a falcon and he's got a falcon. Oh, yep. And a builder. So far, ticking all the Bogan boxes.

And he's a builder. No word of sophistication, though. Yeah, we need to know what gives him the sophisticated edge. Someone said, who are you looking for? The exact man is Major Johnny Thompson. He is a sophisticated bogan by every inch of the definition. Yeah, right. Okay, fantastic.

Well, they're out there, aren't they? It's like they've got to have a bogan haircut, but it has to be done at a salon. You know what I mean? But what's a bogan haircut now? Like a mullet or like a long, curly, shaggy hair. Oh, my God. That's your type, isn't it?

Okay. Just like a dirty man. There's a sophisticated bogan living next door to me, and he's a hottie to boot. I mean, no one asked for the hottie, but it's there now, isn't it? Even has a gorgeous V8 in the garage. Definitely gave it a nudge, but he wasn't interested. What we might have there is a gay sophisticated bogan.

Could be. You know, if you're familiar with like silicon cards or Pokemon, like you get a good Pokemon but then if it's shiny, it's very rare. That is the equivalent of a shiny sophisticated bogan. A gay sophisticated bogan. Yeah. Rare as

hen's teeth. Very. Alright. Very, very rare. Today's fact of the day. Today's fact of the day. Let's get back to it. Today's fact of the day is someone once tried to demolish one of the Great Pyramids, but it turned out to be more expensive to demolish than it was to build. Okay.

How crazy is that? The year was 1196, so they didn't have like diggers and stuff. Yeah. They just had manpower again. Do you reckon they called it the 90s? was 1196, so they didn't have like diggers and stuff. Yeah. They just had manpower again. Do you reckon they called it the 90s? In 1196? Yeah. They're like, oh my god, that is so The 90s. That is so 90s.

Or the noughties. Yeah, the noughties. Y1K bug is going to wipe everybody out. But Y1K bug was an actual bug. Yeah. It was a beetle. It was a plague. It was a beetle plague. Y1K. And it actually happened. Al-Aziz Uthman, the son of the Sultan of Egypt, was like, you know what?

I'm sick of those effing pyramids. Everybody's pyramid this, pyramid that. We've done some cool stuff. No one's – you know what we need to do is we need to start smashing it down. And we're going to start with the third one. The third one? Menkauri.

Right. Menkarei. That sounds more Egyptian, doesn't it? Yeah, I was like, you're giving a bit of a Maori twist here. Yeah, Menkauri. Kauri. Menkarei. So got a work crew together and workmen started demolishing the pyramid.

And they hacked at it for eight months and hardly made a dent. Wow. They could only remove one or two stones each day. They used wedges and levers to carry the stones, but of course once they got them out, they couldn't move them because they were too bloody heavy, and they were just like, ah, forget about it. So what did they do?

Did somebody rebuild it? Or is it still like that? They put them back. Now you can still see the damage to the pyramids. So I've never been to the pyramids. It is one thing I would love to see before I die. We've got friends currently there. We've got friends there at the moment.

Why'd they start there? I don't know. I would have started at the top. Then you've got to roll it down. Start it in the middle. But if you start at the top and roll it down, maybe the big pile at the bottom. But then if your pyramid's

you know, just flat, then who cares? You've kind of done the demolition job, haven't you? So wait, they started and then went too hard basket. Yeah. And then just walked away from it. Sounds like a lot of things I start, like chores. Yeah, same. You start cleaning the bathroom,

you do the toilet, you're like, I don't need a mop today. The shower's kind of okay. Yeah. I mean, there's water in there every day. No, the shower, you just go in and you go... Exit mop. And then you get in there. You walk away, then you get in there and you're having a shower

and you give it a rinse. No, but you get in there, you have a shower, you add the steaming hot water, you close the door and you're like... Gassing yourself. Yeah. And then you start having hallucinations of sophisticated Bergens. Oh, in the shower. Help me.

Glenn. Oh, Glenn. Glenn. As a help. Glenn picks you up, puts you in the back of his Falcon, straight to the A&E. Guys, I'm actually getting quite flushed over this Bit of Glenn, bit of Glenn action Bit of Glenn Glenn

So today's fact of the day is They once tried to demolish the Great Pyramids But it was harder to rip them down than it was to put them up Fact of the day, day, day, day, day day. Prince Charles has become King Charles and you would have seen in the moment where he had to sign the paperwork. It's almost like a wedding isn't it? Yeah. They have a little table and stuff.

He's done this so many different, this was in Ireland, this one yesterday, but he's signed so many things. He's signed a lot. And you would have seen like the big one, which I think was the day after the Queen was announced dead. Pronounced? Pronounced. Pronounced dead.

Yeah. He had to sit at this desk and there was all this ink pot and all this, you know, the little quill and stuff and he was like, I know he didn't rip, but I mean, it's the day after his mother has died. Oh my God, forgive the man. Yeah.

It was frustrated and obviously it's a big moment. He didn't want the desk to be all cluttered. Yeah. And then yesterday, yeah, there was another moment where he was signing something Camilla's standing by and he signs it and he goes to give her

the pen it's the wrong pen someone's coming it's a kerfuffle it's the pens the peniracos he cannot let him stand them

they're messing him up they're making his wheat look bad he's the king for Jeepers sake maybe he needs a bigger pen. Or he's got huge feet. I never knew about his fingers until this week.

It is the talk of the town. It's the talk of the town. The fingers. If you haven't seen his swollen extremities. Yeah. Because there was one when he was in the Middle East, he took his shoes off. Oh, okay.

And socks as well. Puffy feet as well. Oh, okay. Might have a sort of a fluid retention issue in the extremities. Well, that can happen when you get older, can't it? Yeah, a pen. Maybe he does need a bigger pen. He finds them hard to...

A thicker pen so he doesn't have to wrap his fingers around it so tight. Maybe. But something's just ultimately frustrating him about this pen. I can't wait for the next one. Let's go for the trifecta of pens frustrating him. And we want to know from you, what is the item that just endlessly frustrates you? Can I start?

Yes. Sellotape. Oh my God. Finding the end is one thing, but one of those sellotapes where you end it and it doesn't go straight across, it goes diagonally across and it runs to a real thin part and then you get it, you find the end, but then it does it again and it just strips it doesn't go straight across, it goes diagonally across and it runs to a real thin part

and then you get it, you find the end but then it does it again and it just strips a thin thing around and then you've got like three wraps of. It's the same with lint rollers

and glad wrap. Lint rollers are perforated though. I'm a big fan of the perforation on a lint roller. Yeah. Glad wraps are something. Jared just messaged us

a good one, coat hangers. How are coat hangers the bane of your life? Oh my god they are They all hook onto each other What? You got a little neck What?

What does that have to do What I'm saying is your shirt hole's small Because I get this when I hang the kids things up You've really got to work a coat hanger into these things And you go up through the bottom Yeah That's just occurred to me I never thought of that

I always go through the neck Don't switch your neck holes And on the. I never thought of that. They always go through the neck. Don't switch your neck holes. And on the spot, I just came up with a solution. What's your issue with coat hangers? So they get hooked onto each other. Yes. And then, like, say you've got, like, a bunch of empty coat hangers. Yeah.

And you try to take one. Oh, no, they don't like that. Ten come out. Yeah. It's like a rat, you know, rat kings? Rat kings? We know the rats. The rats are all woven together.

Same with coat hangers. I'm with you there. All right. Well, we want to take your calls this morning. Eer your frustrations with us. What about when you're getting a coat hanger out, but the corner of the coat hanger snips through like three different coat hangers, and then there's that little thing where you hang your tie or your belt on,

that little indent there, and it's like, oh, we're all going now. We're all coming. Yeah. It's just all higgledy-piggledy. All right. 0800 DALS at M is the number. You can text as well, 9696. What item endlessly frustrates you?

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, the new king, King Charles, has been frustrated by pens. Yep. Hates them. They're not the right one. They're on the desk. They're messing it all up.

A couple of moments caught on camera. We want to know the everyday little things that frustrate you, that really annoy you. Katie, what's yours? Oh, I'm a school teacher, and those yogurt pouches with the screw top lids. So no child can ever open them, and they're in every single lunch box.

Because you do have like a crack top. Are you going to crack it? Yeah. You've got to do the rounds, do you? People spend their entire lunch time undoing them, like an assembly line, and just unscrew, hand back, unscrew, hand them back. They need better grip strength. Yeah, you can get like carpal tunnel.

It's like a workplace injury. Yeah, I don't know. I'll file an ACC on that one. What happened to mum making her own, what's that, easy yo, and then putting it into a pottle for the kids? Yeah, that's great. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah, no.

Mums are time poor. Yeah. Mums are time poor. All right, Katie, thanks. You're cool. Keep your texts coming through. 9696 0800 DALS at AM. We'll get to more of those next.

We are talking about the items that endlessly frustrate you, like pens for King Charles. He cannot stand a pen. Well, it seems we might have some other sausage fingers in our mix. Oh, really? Someone says clasps on jewellery, dainty bracelets and necklaces, the backs of earrings. Who made these?

Yeah. Why did they need to be so small and fiddly? But then could you imagine a necklace of the giant? Yeah, imagine this little, like, chain, but with a big, like, carabiner at the back. Yeah. That would look pretty cool, though. And, you know, if you were caught short abseiling. Yeah, true.

Get the chain off the neck. Yeah, true. Matt, what's the small item that frustrates you? Look, it's these machines that they use to seal things, all right? That, like, literally Thor, Thor the God of Thunder himself, could not open. Yeah. You mean like sealed like a bag of chips?

No, no, no. Like, you know how you get a bottle of sauce, you know, the wadi sauce and you open the top and it's got that little silver seal

on the top. Oh, yeah. No, teeth, buddy, teeth. Get your teeth in there, man. No, don't. It's those things that they set in plastic with those real thick

plastic edges. Oh, those ceilings. And you've got to like, you need like scissors, like industrial strength saws to get through them. One of the great episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm. He has to get in. He buys a pair of scissors,

but he needs a pair of scissors to get the pair of scissors out. That's brilliant. Beautiful. Hey, Matt, thanks for your call. Renee, what is it that you are ever frustrated with? Morning, guys. You know those stickers on the bobby bananas? Oh, yes.

They get stuck to everything. The fruit, and then you take them off, then they get stuck to your rubbish bin, Liz. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The fingers. And you're trying to flick it off. And you're trying to get them off your fingers, and you just, whatever.

If you flick it with another finger, it sticks to the fingernail of that finger. Sometimes we'll just eat it. It's easier. Yeah, I don't even know why they need them on there. They are so frustrating. But also on a banana, you could leave them

on a bobby banana unless you were eating the skin there, Renee. And I've got terrible news for you. You shouldn't be eating the skin. Oh, it's good fibre.

No, even my kids now are like, oh no, don't even buy those anymore, Mum. You're so angry about it. It rocks you right up. Love it. Renee, thanks for your call.

Somebody said, why is it that you can stack Tupperware or any sort of plastic container in a drawer and it's all stacked nicely and you shut the drawer and open it one second later and it's all just blown itself to pieces? Yeah. Why does it do that? Many reports of people who have to deal with paperclips for their job. You can never grab just one.

Why do they hook themselves together like that when they've done nothing but sit in a box together? Are those little ribbon loops on your shirt for hanging them up? Oh my God. Because they're just a pain. Do men's clothes have that? No.

Oh, sometimes. You get the little like hooked in here. And so you can hang it up. So without it doesn't leave like a crease or anything. It doesn't leave a mark on your actual shirt. And a few complaints about the cheese and wire, the plastic and wire cheese slices. You know, maybe it'll whiten.

It's got a thick slice on one side. They said after the first slice, the wire goes a little soggy. So you've got to tighten it and it ends up snapping the wire. You just run with a loose wire. And then when you drag it through the cheese,

it's got like a cool thing that's going right out the back and you roll it through and then at the end. So if you do a long ways cheese slice. You would just. What, down the length of the brick?

No, you go across. Oh, you can go across. Who said? You can go any way you want. Look, if you're making a long sandwich. Then you're getting like. 20 centimetres strips of cheese. What are you putting them on?

If you were rocking a filled roll. No, you just do short, short, short. Yeah, short, short, short. Because you're just going to make the block skinnier and skinnier. No, no, no.

Who gets? Who gets? And you're going to end up with a long, skinny one. When I was a kid, I did one on the entire, the long way and the wide face

of the cheese. Oh, wow. I mean, look, your cheese, your rules. Oh, my God. It's like a bed sheet of chews. Yes.

Hello, Soundkeeper Georgia here. So I've actually banned producer Jared from playing the Secret Sound guesses from the show in the Fletch, Fawn and Hayley podcast. Instead, you need to listen to our Secret Sound podcast to get it, where you can text SECRET9696 and you'll get a link directly to the podcast. Or you can just follow our socials, Secret Sound everywhere.

All right. Toodles. Shivers, guys. 10 out of 10 podcast. That one? Yeah. I think two of us were 10 out of 10 and one of us wasn't. Or who was that?

Which one? We'll just leave that. We'll just leave that there. Well, if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rating and review. Please do. Unless it's a bad one. Oh, yeah. Don't bother.

Yeah, no, don't. Don't bother. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.