ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 16th August 2022

Episode Date: August 15, 2022

Top 6: Speed Cameras  Hayleys Pants  Silly Little Poll!  Piracy  Worlds Most Chaotic Gameshow!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. I'll sing it loud in case you don't already know. Pack up your... Hello, welcome to the Fleets Morning Hayley Podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Download the McDonald's Afternoon Rewards on your coffee. I'm deep in Ancestry.com again. This was an accident.

Oh, yeah. This was an accident. Because a lady messaged me, lovely Lynn. She said, hello, you don't know me, but are you the grandson of Hilton and Rita Smith? And I said, yes, I am. And she said, I am. Wait, how did she message you? She messaged me on Ancestry.com, so it shot me through an email.

No, no, no. I get these emails all the time. I ignore all of them. No, because I'm not related to this lady, although she did. I'm not related to any of these people that message me either. They're these bored old men and women, mostly women at home. They just wanted to connect with their father. No, but they had nothing else to do, and they message people on the other side of the world saying,

are you someone's great-great-grandson? I'm just like, I've got no time for this. She said to me, I've got a photo of your grandparents on their wedding day. My cousin recently died, and she was very good friends with your nana. And here's a photo. I'd probably still ignore that. So I was like, I'd love to see that. So she airmommied me through a photo.

And so then I went on and there was like all these new hints. And I was like, oh, that's exciting. And lots changed since I was on there last. Because we did these DNA tests through them. And you can still access that account. They're telling me there's no history of me having that account. You've probably been banned for being too white. Very white.

Well, I know I submitted my spit and everything and got the breakdown, which was very white. But now I'm back into it and I've done the month membership thing. thing and i uh i often tell the story and i feel like people don't believe me that i had a relative a distant relative who came here from norway and when he uh he's supposed to be going to sydney australia but he got to wellington and he's like i've been on a fucking boat long enough was it a good day as well probably a good day and it can't be beaten So he jumped ship Why would you leave? And he changed his name from Hans August Christofferson To Hans August Smith And I didn't, we didn't know That's not the reason our daughter's called August

We had no idea We had a family connection to the name Yeah But yeah, there's like photos of him on here And look, this is him like a grumpy That's the sort of grumpy old man I aspire to be Oh yeah, he looks very grumpy. That's you.

Yeah, I know. Great beard. He's got more hair than I do. Wumpy, wumpy. Yeah, he's a grumpy, he's a grumpy boy. So, yeah, I can click on him. There's another photo of him when he's younger and he's actually like, he was a bit of a dish probably when he jumped off the boat.

This is a sort of rascally sort of picture he had of himself. Look at that guy. Oh, yeah. Actually looks a bit like my uncle. sort of picture he had of himself. Look at that guy. Oh, yeah. Actually looks a bit like my uncle. Smart with the bow tie. Yeah, very smart. High collar. Very smart look.

But, yeah, it's one of those things. And so I messaged mum and asked her a question, and, Jesus, I've unleashed the crack, and my mum's just like a crack fiend. Give me more family information. Mumsloveancestry.com. I want some juicy gossip for mine. Mine's just always like, your fifth cousin's been found.

You're like, I don't want to connect with you. Go away. I'll just want tickets to bloody Friday jams or something. I'm worried about this. I'm connecting and I'm like, is this a person related to you? They're Uncle Graham's daughter. I was like, I love Uncle Graham. I can't remember his children. I remember their names. But then I'm wondering, yeah, they're going to you, they're Uncle Graham's daughter. I was like, I love Uncle Graham. I can't remember his children.

I remember their names. But then I'm wondering, you know, yeah, they're going to be, hey, we're in Auckland. It's November 12th and 13th. Any free tickets for your cuzzy bro to come to? Yeah. I'm like, get out of it. Get out of it.

I'm just looking here. I'm still only 3% Swedish and Denmark. That's a bit of a shame, isn't it? Only 3%? Well, I used to be 8. I used to be 8. I've been downgraded. I don't know if mine's updated.

It is quite fascinating, isn't it? That bit of it. God, I am Scottish, eh? 50%? Yeah. I think I'm in the 80s for Irish Scottish. Yeah, right. How much Norway are you?

No, I'm not. Sweden and Denmark you? No I'm not Sweden and Denmark I'm 3% too Are we related? That is freaky You guys have got to stop hooking up I know oh my god We've got to put an end to this

Romance that you're having Yeah oh new leaf New leaf For Mary Alice Gant Which was my Grandmother's grandmother Oh you should connect with her Someone or she's dead

Well Thanks for bringing it up though Like my dead Great great great Great grandmother Still stings though Still very raw You don't want to talk about it

Not right I want to get Dum dum dum dum Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley It's still very raw. You don't want to talk about it. No, not right. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Imagine having four babies inside of you.

Yeah, no thanks. Or imagine having four babies at home and then you have four more. So they had four kids already. So that's what I'm sure I read in the article. The headline was like, Hawke's Bay mum gives birth to New Zealand's first quadruplets in four years.

Stay at home dad, coping. I love also that coping is in quotations. Yeah. He's coping. I'm sure they said they already had four Why did they want five? People need to stop having babies

Napier dad Brett had agreed to be a stay-at-home dad But poor guy Poor guy Brackets Wasn't bargaining on four at once Oh well Buy a minivan Poor guy

He didn't have to have them growing inside Yeah I know That's what I kept This poor fella what about the mum that's carrying them around oh my god ah

no complications four are being cared for and a neonatal intensive that's those people that work at neonatal are bloody angels on earth um so yeah

four four babies oh my god I'm just looking at like an internal um kind of look at how four babies fit. Oh, God. That's like a...

Like worms in a jar. Yeah. Oh, so they do have one other child, a 20-month-old baby. So just under two. Oh, so they don't have four already. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, that's good. Five under two.

Five under two. That's one hell of a way of looking at it. Yeah, they went straight from a Corolla to a Bongo. Yeah. If they've already got one, you can have any car with one key. You can have a two-door Mini Cooper. They would have been doing that.

We'll just have two. Wow. And then we've got five. That sucks. The last quadruplets, I remember this, in Timaru, they were born in 2018, so they're like four. They just, they turned four. Yeah, right. They're just four little rugrats

running around. Would you call them something like Huey, Dewey, Louie and Billy? No, you've got to call one something totally different. It's like my mum, Letitia Loretta Lorraine and Patsy. You've got to make Letitia, Loretta, Lynette, Lorraine and Patsy.

You've got to make them think like why did they? Whoie, Louie, Dewey and Chris. Poopy. And Poopy. Congratulations to that. To that family and best of luck to you. Good luck with the naming.

We've done it. Whoie, Dewey, Louie and Poopy. Done. Just like that. Good luck with the naming. Well, we've done it. Hooey, dewey, louey and poopy. Done. Just like that. Coming up on the show this morning, the top six soon. Yeah, the new smart speed cameras on the road, snapping your cars. I've got the top six other things they may be able to ticket you for.

These are smart cameras. They can scan you and see what you're up to in that vehicle of yours. Yeah. I'm usually eating some kind of burrito. Well, that'll be a findable offence. Sometimes, I have talked about this before, I sometimes eat sushi, chopsticks, and all. In the car?

Yeah. Okay. I'll go fingers on sushi if it's in the car. I'll down chopsticks and just go straight to mouth. Makes a lot more sense. Yeah. A TikToker in the UK has gone viral after a post. She didn't get her 210-pound deposit back for the flat.

You know, like the Bond? Yes. Yep. Because of a single pea in the freezer department compartment of a fridge freezer and a small scrap of paper on the carpet.

That's a hell of a clean up job though. I get it. Right, okay, yeah. Peas aren't easy. Sometimes they scoot round and they scoot you and they go under the oven. Now that's a removal of the oven to get it out. But it's not $210 worth of cleaning, is it? It's not burnt carpet or holes in the wall.

No. So has she got photographic proof that this is? Well, yeah, she did a full tour on TikTok of the apartment. Yeah. She said maybe the reason the landlord wasn't happy is because she've re-breezed everything. It's got a stank for the first

day or two, doesn't it? Open the windows. But yeah, people are outraged. They're like, surely you've protested this. You'd have to say, like, no. If there was truly nothing else wrong.

She's saying there's not. There was, like, a scrap of paper, a pee in the freezer, and that is it. Scrap of paper? Yeah. Pick it up. I know, weird, right? So weird. Pick it up, yeah.

That seems to have been the answer to that situation. But, yeah, apparently, yeah, people joining in saying, yeah, I don't know if it's a thing in the UK where landlords are like this and they can just do that. But have you guys ever had any issues getting your bond back? Yeah, when I left my drama school flat, I had, one, I had sellotaped a Patti Smith poster to the wall. So it's sellotape. You didn't use Blu-Tack.

I just didn't think about it. You sellotape. You didn't use Blu-Tack. I just didn't think about it. You sellotape. I sellotaped it. Were you allowed to sellotape things at home to the wall? Absolutely not. I don't think I had Blu-Tack at the time and I wanted it up. You know, I just got it from Real Groovy. I didn't want it to be crinkled.

Yeah. So that went up and as it came off, the paint came off. And the second one was I had like. Oh, you silly Billy. There was some like kind of organza curtains and I had stood on them and ripped the bottom. What are organza? Like a kind of shiny, shiny fabric. Right.

And I had stood on it and tore it. I didn't know that's what that fabric was called. Yeah. What a silly name. And then I'd said, we had the flat inspection for me to move out and I'd said like, oh, sorry, I've just got a couple of things in there still, and I stacked all my stuff against the curtain to hide it. Oh, that's, they saw through that.

She came in and was like, oh, don't worry about the paint on the walls. And then she was like, I'll just check the curtains quickly, and I stood there like an idiot, and she was like, I ripped. And I went, yeah. I tried to hide them. You did? I was trying to hide them. That's why I was trying to hide them, you see.

Why didn't you leave the curtains open? Did you shut the curtains? No, because you could see it was sort of tattered on you see. Why didn't you leave the curtains open? Did you shut the curtains? No, because you could see it was sort of tattered on the bottom. Because I'd ripped them months before and then every day kept tripping up on it, ripping a bit further and further and further. So fair enough, she took my part of the bond. How much were new curtains? It was a couple of hundred bucks.

Oh, wow, okay. These are organza curtains. Well, as we've just heard, organza is a fabric. Very posh. A thin, plain-weave sheer fabric traditionally made from silk. Oh, so they're shears. So it was like there was a taffeta. Oh, what?

A taffeta fabric and an organza cover. A taffeta's like a thick shiny. And the organza was like a sheer. They were ugly, let's be honest. Right. I mean, you did them a favour. They should have changed let's be honest. Right. They sound like $10. Change them to thermals. Yeah.

Sounds like they're $10 from Spotlight. Do you remember, I think I told you guys about the flat before that when I was living on my own and I'd spray painted the carpet by mistake. Yeah, you spray, you put things down. Yeah, I put newspaper and then I was spray painting a birdcage

and it drifted and this is perfect square. And I was like, well, we're in trouble. But then luckily they replaced the carpet. Oh, like, well, it was always our plan to replace the carpet. Oh, right. So you didn't lose any bond in that one. Whereas when we were moving out of her flat, I said to the guys, make sure you all tidy your room.

Me and my mum have tidied everything else because my mum really wanted me to get my bond back. Oh, that's so cute. So she came in and helped me pack. Well, Dad stacked the trailer and then Mum helped me clean. And I said to the guys, all you have to do is tidy your rooms. The only places that need tidying. Yep.

Did they tidy their rooms? No. No, they didn't tidy their rooms. And did the boys? I rung the landlord and I was like, look, okay, so if we work it out on sort of a square metre situation, just refund me the money because I cleaned mine. And she was like, that's fair enough. You can't be held responsible for the action of others.

It was quite nice of her for a landlord. And so your friends lost out for not cleaning the room, but you got yours back. I got my slice back. Oh, we're good. What great tenants we are. 13, well, not really. You've sprayed paint on the carpet.

Ripped the curtains. Ripped the curtains. And took the paint off the wall. You sellotape posters to a wall. You're a monster. You're a nightmare. Never mind the noise complaints from the neighbour below. Yeah.

All right, 13 past six. Next on the show. It's the 30th birthday of something most of us would use every day. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. 30 years ago, 1992, I would have been three years old. About the same, I think. Oh. Were we the same age?

Just quick maths. No, I was 10 years old. I'd just got a silver necklace for my birthday. Oh, a chain. A chain. Some John Lennon sunglasses, as my granddad described them. They were like round sunglasses. Cool, dude.

Yeah, it was pretty knockout. Yeah. It's pretty hip and cool. Well, 1992 was the birth year of the text. Texting. Oh, wow. Okay. Began in 1992. The first ever text sent was by a 22-year-old British software developer called Neil Papworth, and he said Merry Christmas to a colleague.

But he's 52 now. Is he? Well, he must be. It's 30 years later. He was 22 at the time. Was it the 16th of August that he was saying Merry Christmas, or was this later in the year? No, it's on the 3rd of December is the actual

date of the text. Right. But it is the year. 30 years ago. 30 years. Wow. Did it cost him 50 cents? He was inventing the technology, maybe not. Well, it was actually sent from a PC because phones didn't have keypads yet.

Right. You know, like it didn't have letters. Oh, yeah, yeah, they didn't, did they? So it was like, but it went to a phone. But it went to a phone. Oh, gotcha. So you had to like type it on a computer to a phone. It's like a page, basically.

Yeah, yeah. I was going to say, how did pages work? You rang a number and then when it would be like, and then you'd type in a code. Yeah, but like someone could call your pager. Oh, yeah. And then I'd type in like 444 and you'd know what that meant. Yeah. Yeah.

Emergency. I mean, most of the people that use pagers were just emergency services, weren't they? No, my mum was a real estate agent. Oh, yeah, but that was a real, like a status thing, you know, like having a page. Real estate agents are always. And she had a cell phone quite quickly.

What was the code for new listing? I can't remember. But I used to ring the office, the real estate office, LJ Hooker in Petone. Yeah. And I would say, can you send my mum a page? And I'd say, yep. And I'd say, hey, mum, I'm going out with Jess after school.

And love you, Hayley. And then they would type it in this little machine. Oh, and then they'd pop it out. Weird machine, I remember it. And then it would go like on my mum's hip. And she'd be like, Hayley's going out with Jess after school. Wow, okay. Anyway, obviously texting has developed since then.

Somewhat. But since 20- How much pre, like, being able to flick your parents a message? I used to do this too. I'd ring my mum at work. Yeah, same. Sometimes four times in an afternoon. I'd get home from school at like quarter to four.

She'd finish at five. So in one hour quarter, sometimes I'd ring her four times and ask her dumb questions. Or she'd ring and say, make sure you peel the potatoes. Yeah. Get the washing in. Get the mints out of the freezer. Or if she'd left it till four o'clock to get the mints out of the freezer. No, you could do the flip and scrape.

Oh, yeah. She's a mother. She's better than that. But yeah, always ring my mum at work. Those poor people, they're just trying to sell houses. And they have to deal with you every day after school. Is mum there, please? So, texting, obviously, took the world by storm. And then deal with you every day after school. Is mum there please? So texting obviously took the world by storm and then

texting that came up shortly after and then since 2014 though the volume of texts has been on a sharp decline because we use messenger and whatsapp and all this sort of like online stuff not number to number. Yeah, even spoke

yesterday about Google trying to get Apple on board so we can all have blue messages. Not discriminate. Who's even texting? I text a bit. I've got different means of communication for different relationships. Instagram message some, Facebook messenger some, text some, phone calls exclusively

some. WhatsApp. You've just got your groups, you know. So that's been on a decline. They've also worked out how to tell exclusively some. WhatsApp. Yeah. WhatsApp. You just got your groups, you know? Yeah. So that's been on a decline. They've also worked out how to tell how old someone is by the way they text, what generation they're part of. Oh, okay. The silent generation born between 1928 and 1945.

Usually you'll know this person was born pre-1945 because it will be in response to a text sent a year ago. And this is most likely because they put the phone in the wardrobe and it ran out of charge for a year. Is it just a one-word answer? Like, yep, good. I don't know. My grandparents never text. Yeah, okay.

They didn't get into a cell phone. They had a direct line to the St. John's, though. That was pretty fancy. Oh, they had a Medialert bracelet, did they? Yeah, they did. My nana would email by writing what she wanted my auntie to type on a computer onto a pad and then give my auntie the pad and say, can you email Vaughan this? That's amazing.

Probably not knowing that my auntie then had to read it and type everything out. She should have just sent, take a photo of it and send it to you. I think that was a bit beyond auntie, so. Baby boobers, born pre-1964, they have sort of tried to get too on board with text speak. So they use like H8, yeah, GR8, B4 for before. Right. And they've sort of started using the emoji, but they'll use it in addition to the word. Right.

Like, go walk the dog. Yeah, dog. And then the picture of the dog. Because phones, when you write dog, phones suggest dog. Yeah. And if you press dog straight away before you press space, it'll replace it.

But if you press space, dog's still an option. So, and then they're probably like, hee hee hee, dog. Dog, dog. They would also be big on one word responses, right? You know, when you write mum in big method. My mum is thumbs up. Yeah.

On Messenger. And I'll be like mum I'm having a really bad day. Something or other. Thumbs up. Mum I won an award. I'm the happiest I've ever been. Thumbs up. That's good. Gen X is

they use the emoji to its full extent. They love an emoji. Millennials, we never use kisses, apparently. I'm a big kissy person, but you know I'm a touchy-feely gal.

Emojis, we start not using them as much because they're a bit tacky. And then Gen Z, no capital letters. And I hate this. Oh my God. You do? I hate this so much. Yeah.

I'm pretty bad with, like, losing punctuation. No. I'll do ha-has instead of full stops. That's what they say. Millennials is, like, full capitals. Like, capitals, punctuation, written out properly. Gen Z. No punctuation.

No capital letters. I hate it. Not even for a name. Even because starting a sentence. Paul knows how I feel about this. Starting a sentence Or no sorry Phil about this Starting a sentence It automatically capitalises So you're opting

You're opting To make it a smaller letter Can you go into settings And turn off auto You probably can You probably can Yeah But even still

Because one day You're going to get a job And you're going to forget How to use capital letters Have you typed an email Like speaking of the change Have you typed like a proper email in the work email and it

asks you what level of professionalism you want your language to represent? Oh no. Fancy. I don't think they have the level of professionalism that we usually talk about. No, very. I had mine on casual and it was still telling me I can't write like isn't. Aww.

Is not. Yeah. Is that what Oh. All right, is not. Yeah. Is that what they want? Yeah, is not. Next on the show, the top six. The top six things the new smart speed cameras will be able to ping you for. They're very clear. Yeah, they're coming. Play ZM's Fletchford and Haley.

Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. I don't know if you're doing last word. And the last word is the top six. I don't understand. Last word. And the last word is... Well, while you're finishing that... The last word is knickers.

Knickers? Knickers. I look forward to it. While you're doing that, should I get a bunny rabbit? No. Dumbest pets. Dumbest pets ever. Dumbest pets ever.

They like, sometimes they just get... They get scared to death, don't they? Yeah. And they go, ah, a shadow. Also, your cat will eat it. Oh, yeah. Wow. I just saw a little bunny rabbit on my Instagram, and I thought, I'm going to get one of those.

I've got a bloody couple you could have. I don't want you a dead, trapped bunny rabbit. I'll trap a cute, wild one, and you can have that. All right. Top six. Other things the new speed cameras will be able to ping you for. These things are quite something. They're described as smart speed cameras.

Take photos of drivers using cell phones. If you're not wearing your seatbelt, if you're tailgating. They'll also be able to do that thing where they take a photo of your car at point A where you might have been going under the speed limit because your little device told you that it was a speed camera. Waves is like, speed camera ahead. So you're like, oh, you might have been going under the speed limit because your little device told you that it was a speed camera. Waze is like, speed camera, I had.

So you're like, oh, watch my speed. But then the minute you go past, you floor it again and then there's another one and you slow down but your average speed between those two points

tells the cameras that your average speed along that was over the speed limit and ticket received. The Waterview Tunnel in Auckland is like that, isn't it? No, it can be, but it hasn't.

They haven't turned it on yet. But there is one in, one out. So they totally can, but yeah, they still haven't turned it on. I think they get enough tickets just the fact that it's an 80K entrance and people come flying down that hill into it. Yeah. Yeah. 26 of the new cameras are on order to add to the 142 strong network.

It must almost be that time of year also where they tell us what speed cameras made the most money. They shouldn't tell us. No, they do. They do a top 10. They do. I like it. Yeah. I like it.

It makes for a great break on the radio too. It does. It certainly does. Because everybody's like, I wonder of my speed camera. Bingo. Everyone's got their favourite local speed camera. Yes. There are privacy implications and concerns, but

sounds like a tough titty. Do you know how they were doing that thing and they were doing a trial in Auckland. They've pinged about a thousand drivers a day on their cell phones with the three hidden cameras. Now, it's just a trial, so nobody's getting a ticket, but they said, yeah.

Are they going to let us know? No. Hmm. Interesting. They've blurred everybody's faces. We don't know which ones they are. Hmm. Interesting. Get off your phones. The top six other things the new smart cameras

will be able to ping you for, number six, when you start reaching around for something in the floor well that you dropped. Oh, my God, yes. And your little wheels like, look. Yeah, yeah. And you start reaching around for something in the floor well that you dropped. Oh my God, yes. And your little wheels like, look. Yeah, yeah. And you can just see

just over the dash wheel because you're reaching. And then you can tell when people are doing it because it becomes a little erratic. It's normally always a lolly or a nugget.

Yeah, I was just going to say it's usually food. Oh, I know. See, if it's wrapped, I'll go after it. But if it's unwrapped, it's on the floor. Yeah, two second rule. Oh, you've got to hit that. You've got to get that quick. Oh, yuck., if it's wrapped, I'll go after it. But if it's unwrapped, it's on the floor. Yeah, two-second rule.

Oh, you've got to hit that. You've got to get that quick. Oh, yuck. Floor wells of cars are so gross. Ah, it's a little nuggy from the floor well. A little nuggy. Give it a blow. Yeah, give it a blow.

And a wipe. And then a dip. Give it a bit of a wipe on the shirt. A dip in the sauce. The sweet and sour sauce kills the bacteria. I believe so. Yeah, it's 99.9%. Are you dipping it in the hand, Sandy?

It may be. Ew, you're going to die. Give it a dip in the sweet and sour. Yeah, it's 99.9%. Are you dipping it in the hand, Sandy? Maybe. Ew, you're going to die. Give it to Sandy and then it swings out. Yeah. Number five on the list of the top six other things the new smart cameras will be able to ping you for are doing your makeup in the flip-down mirror, thus obscuring your entire view of the road.

Terrible, isn't it? Yeah. Especially the winged liner. It always amazes me when the driver's sunflap has a mirror. Yeah, it shouldn't. I'm like, it shouldn't have one. No. But it is for you. Get in the car, flip it down, have a look, flip it back up. That's the theory, right?

Yeah. It's got a little light on it, so when you open the slide, the light comes on. Give yourself the eye once over, check the teeth, shut it, up it goes. Number four on the list of the top six things the new smart cameras will be able to ping you for, having a sneaky perv at the person driving the car next to you. You know, when you speed up because you're like,

were they hot? I'm just going to try and keep up with him. Oh, they're turning off. Should I follow them? Nah, that's a bit creepy. Should I follow them? Number three that's a bit creepy. Should I follow them? Number three. Should I see where they live?

I reckon just always no. Not to, like, go in, just get curious. No, just to, like, I don't know, maybe drop them off some chocolates or something. Yeah, go talk to the life they live. Dear hot dude that drives the chimney. I'm assuming this, of course, I'm on the receiving course I'm on the receiving end of this. Of course. Of course. I'm just going to peek my

eyes through the window and see if they've got a husband. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, you don't know the sort of creeps that are out there if this girl's got a husband. You don't know a husband if she lives by herself. You don't know what kind of creeps are lingering. Have a quick look in the bin. Make sure she's you know, eating well. Eating well. Keeping healthy. I might take some of her washing

just to give it another wash. They don't look thoroughly clean. Let me give them a... Especially those undies. They need another... No, they need a... No, they're not. And this is how you ended up on Police 10-7. But I learnt, didn't I?

Number three on the list of the top six other things the new smart cameras will be able to ping you for are whether or not you do say dedicated when you go through that orange light. If you do say it, obviously no ticket because that's the law. That's not a thing. If you don't say it, you'll get a ticket for going through the orange light without saying dedicated. That's right up there with you've got to tell me if you're an undercover cop. Dedicated!

Number two on the list of the top six other things the new smart cameras will be able to ping you for. They'll be able to ticket your partner for constantly telling you how to drive. Bring them in. Put them everywhere. Oh, watch out for that car! Which car?

There are so many cars. Oh, watch out, don't crash into that overbridge. I wasn't going to. Sometimes you feel like out. Don't crash into that overbridge. I wasn't going to. Sometimes you feel like just crashing into the overbridge. Oh, no, you distracted me telling me not to crash into the overbridge, and now I've crashed into the overbridge. And number one on the list of the top six other things the new smart cameras will be able to ping you for

if you're driving on the rumble line just to get some vibration in the knickers area. The knickers. You know, sometimes you hit it and you're driving on the rumble line just to get some vibration in the knickers area. The knickers. You know, sometimes you hit it and you're like, oh. Sometimes if your partner won't shut up about getting, you know, too close to the car in front of you, put their side of the car onto the rumble lines. Give them a little sexy distraction. A little tingle.

Especially if you've got a hot person you're trying to perv at on the other side of you, so you put them on the rumble lines, they're distracted by that and then you get to see how hot they are and if you're going to follow them home. That is today's Top 6. So, I've arrived to work today and I've got an appointment at 11 o'clock this morning with a, what are they called?

Musculoskeletalist. Skeletor. From V-Man. Yeah, sounds like it. Skeletal. Musculoskeletal? Musculoskeletal. Ologist.

Oh yeah, there'll be an ologist at the end surely Hang on Musculoskeletal Specialist Okay, what is that? What do they do? I have no idea Well your muscles attach to your skeleton I reckon Yeah, so is it something to do with that?

Remember my tingly leg Oh, is that why you're going? I mean we're eight months into the leg tingle You know why you've got a tingly leg? Oh, is that why you're going? I mean, we're eight months into the leg tingle. You know why you've got a tingly leg? You always sit on it. I sit on it. Yeah. But it's all up the wazoo.

Now I've got a hip thing. Anyway, but this always happens. You don't have to wait ages for specialist appointments. Yeah. And then you wait so long that the problem is sort of subsiding. Yeah. But I've waited so long for this appointment. You don't have a tingly leg. Well, yeah,

but it's not as bad as it was. Right. And something tells me that it'll just work its way out of the system. Well, what if you go and he says, oh, you're fine? Well, I'm going to waste a lot of money. Right. A lot of money doing this. But even worse is the problem that it's sort of the thigh area

just above the knee, but my pants are too tight. So I'm going to have to take my pants off. And I feel like I can't do a roll-up. You should have wore a loose pant. I should have wore a loose pant. Don't they normally send an email like, please wear a loose-fitting short or a pant?

Well, I've just opened that email now. Oh, right. And does it say, what does it say? Yeah, loose, comfortable clothing. Oh, right. A tapered pant. Well, I've just opened that email now. Oh, right. And does it say, what does it say? Yeah, loose, comfortable clothing. But I've worn a tapered pant. So you can't pull the leg up above the knee? The worst part is, yeah, so I

can't pull the pant up above the knee, so I'm going to have to take the pants off, but then I have to, in order to show them where the hip hurts, I have to sort of do these weird splayed positions with my hip and groin. Right. Like there.

Yeah. But now I'll be doing that in my knickers. Yeah. My physio have like pants because I think they have a lot of business people come in. In their slacks. On their lunchtime or during work time and they'll say change into these. They have pants on hand. Yeah, they've got like spare pants.

Are they like. And so they'll say. I just go knicks. Change into these spare pants. I'm sure've got like spare pants. And so they'll say... I just go Knicks. Change into these spare pants. I'm sure they'll have spare pants. Are they made out of that same disposable fabric that the G-strings are when you get away? No, I think they're just like gym shorts and they wash them. How often?

I don't want to wear another woman's gym shorts. No, they wash them. So nobody's worn them. What, you're going to wear them for five minutes and they're going to wash them as if? They're going to give them a sniff and then chuck them back in the basket? They don't want to see you in your knickers, so I'm sure they'll have some spare pants. I'm just trying to think about the undies I've chosen today. What sort of state are they in?

Not good? They're okay. Okay. Are okay. Do they represent you as a human? Would you wear them on a first date? Absolutely not. Okay.

They're large. Right. And slightly torn at the top. Right. But good coverage on the bottom area. Okay. But more just like... Coverage where it can be.

I don't know. He's going to say like, well, let's have a look at it. And then I'm just going to have to take my pants off for a knee thing. Yeah. I just didn't think this through. Have you got time to go home before? Does this call for a shopping thing. Yeah. I just didn't think this through. Have you got time to go home before? Does this call for a shopping trip maybe? Maybe I could just go buy a nice loose pant.

Yeah, right. Any excuse. Where does a nice loose pant? Oh, Country Road rocks a good slack. Max. Well, you're going top end. Why are you going top end for a pair of slacks? Top end?

I might go moochie. No, don't go moochie. Don't go moochie pants. It sounds like an excuse to spend money. Go to the warehouse. Yeah, but if I'm going to buy a loose pair of slacks. I might go moochie. They rock a good pants. Don't go moochie pants. It sounds like an excuse to spend money. Go to the warehouse. Yeah, but if I'm going to buy a loose pair of pants for

this appointment, I might as well buy a pair of loose pants that I'll wear again. Somebody messaged in, I'm a physio, those shorts get washed once a week,

tops. Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate that. And you've been jamming your sweaty crotch in there. Monkey pox.

If anybody gets monkeypox... It's from the physio shorts. It's from the physio shorts. Never admit it's from cheating on your partner. With it. Silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole. Well, today's silly little pole.

Do you check reviews, internet movie database or Rotten Tomatoes before you watch a movie or a TV show? No, I'm more of a word of mouth. Yeah, I've definitely got trusted friends. Yes. That if they're like, you'll like this, and I know that they've recommended stuff in the past, I'll be like, okay, I'll like it. Like, Vine, I can trust Vaughn.

I can't trust Fletch because it's always some British whodunit. Oh, Vaughn doesn't like British whodunit. Murder of a middle-aged white woman. Oh, he loves it. Vaughn doesn't, no, producer Anna loves a British whodunit. Oh, Vaughan doesn't like British whodunit. It involves the murder of a middle-aged white woman. Oh, he loves it. Vaughan doesn't, no, producer Anna loves a British whodunit, but Vaughan doesn't love a British whodunit. It's very rare that I love a British whodunit. What about a Gossett Park?

Never heard of it. I can do one British whodunit a year. And then that, any more than that is too many. Because I just finished Sherwood, but you won't like that because that's a British whodunit. Yeah. That's pretty good. I don't know if I've had my British whodunit for the year.

I feel like I have already. I did tell you you should like that WhatsApp medical one about the doctor. This is going to hurt. Yeah, that's really good. Yeah, because I like that guy because he was Paddington. And that's dark humour and drama. Based off memoirs. It's not a whodunit, is it?

No, it's just a whodunit. It's just a well-taught story. Yeah, I don't need too many British whodunits. But It's not a whodunit is it No it's just a whodunit It's just a well told story Yeah I don't need too many British whodunits But you like an American whodunit Because you've watched Blackbird Yeah Which I just started last night

Based on a true story though Yeah but again But I always IMDB things That wasn't a British whodunit An American whodunit You knew whodunit Well yeah that's true

They just had to get him To admit he did it He whodunit He did it Whodunit It's still a whodunit It was a little bit of a whodunit. An American whodunit. You knew whodunit. Well, yeah, that's true. They just had to get him to admit he did a whodunit. He did it. He done it. It's still a whodunit. It was a little bit of a whodunit. Whodunit, I done it. It wasn't a whodunit. There was no doubt about it.

How'd he do it? More of a how'd he do it than a who'd he do it? I will say, though, because I do internet movie, I will always Google a TV show or a movie. The difference between critics, who are a bit snobby, and the general public, there's a vast difference. Yeah, huge difference. Like, you know, Google just

has a, did you like this, thumbs up, thumbs down. Yeah. Perfect. And that kind of, yeah, is perfect, right? Critics don't speak on behalf of the people. Yeah, 90% of people liked it, critics gave it 40%. You're like, well, that was like the terminal list I just watched. That was like 90 something percent of people loved it. Critics were like, well, that was like the terminal list I just watched. That was like 90-something percent of people loved it.

Yeah. Critics were like, pfft. Yeah. And it was pretty good. It was great. I liked it. I watched something recently that was panned by, oh, the Grey Man. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Ryan Reynolds, Chris Evans. I really liked it. Because all I wanted to do. Yeah, but critics hated it, didn't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they didn't know it was a new movie. What do you want, an Oscar performance? What's that Anna Faris film, House Bunny? You know, critics critics hated it, didn't they? Yeah, yeah, because they were like, what do you want, an Oscar performance? What's that Anna Faris film, House Bunny?

You know, critics panned it. But the people loved it. It was the kickstart of the franchise, didn't it? Now it's got its own extended universe. So what do the people think? 38% of people will read a review or see what IMDb or Rotten Tomatoes says before they watch a show.

Only 38%, 62%. No. Go in blind. Wow, okay. Go in blind. Becky says, no, I don't, but I do it 10 minutes

into a show and movie. If it's bad, I instantly lose interest. So you've got to save yourself 10 minutes there, Becky. Yeah. You can do this before you even stroll on in there.

Kim says, I give it the 15 minute test. If I don't like it after 15 minutes, I'll watch something else. Sometimes you need a bit more. You need to watch the whole episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, episode one's a little bit slow, but just like push through. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Sometimes it can take a couple, but those are the ones that are often worth it. Summer says, recently I told my 65-year-old stepdad about Rotten Tomatoes, and now he'll explain the concept in detail and list off movies and their ratings to anyone who will listen. He loves the review system of Rotten Tomatoes. Ollie says, all the time, if majority of the reviews are shit,

chances are it's going to be shit, so I'm not going to waste my time on something that's shit. There's your triple shit. There you go. Triple shit reviews situation. a shit, chances are it's going to be shit, so I'm not going to waste my time on something that's shit. There's your triple shit. Triple shit reviews situation. Yvette says, I use internet movie database solely for during watching something and wondering where I've seen the actor before. Always. Same, same.

Always. You go, this movie, cast, and then you see them, and then you go in the IMDb. But, that can be a spoiler, because sometimes early on, you click an actor, and you only see that they're in two of the episodes of that series and you're like, oh, they're going to die. They're going to die. Amazon owns Internet Movie Database.

So when you're watching something on Amazon Prime, Prime Video, you pause it and it tells you who they are, might tell you a fact about the scene. If there's a song playing, it'll tell you what song's currently playing. Smart. It's very cool. They need to shop that out to everybody, I think. Shut up, Siri. I don't want to do anything um nicole says i more just check in to see if the show's got cancelled that way i don't want to invest my time into

something that's going to get cancelled after one season that's true um hannah said i always check them afterwards to uh check whether or not i have good taste in movies and TV shows. Just a cross reference. Yeah, if the people agree with me. But yeah. I honestly thought more people would check before watching, but 38% of people do. Alright, it's 7 o'clock. It's our Fiji happy hour next. It's your chance to get to Sunkist Fiji.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Wow. This will be a familiar sound to anyone who ever hired a movie, a VHS, a DVD in the 90s and 2000s. Yes. You wouldn't steal a handbag. You wouldn't steal a car.

What was the other one? So you mean car a handbag. You wouldn't steal a car. What was the other one? So, I mean, car, handbag. You wouldn't steal a television. People do all the time. Oh, my God, it's so old. It's an old CRT television. And you wouldn't steal a movie. As in just, like, nipping into the video store and stealing it.

And they used to play these. And they said pirating is stealing. Yeah, and they used to play them before the movies, eh? Oh, yeah, that's right. As if you're going to sit there, you know, with your video camera and film it. It never really occurred to me at the time, but that was an anti-piracy video put out by the movie studios who collectively said piracy is bad.

But the production value on that video was shit. I don't think Spielberg got his eye on it. Also, didn't it come out like a year or two ago that they had actually stolen that music and never paid the music? Yes, that's right. I think you're right. Wow. I think you're right.

Incredible. Well, people have been looking into that ad and other anti-piracy ads. I mean, piracy was such a huge thing. Remember when we all thought that people were going to come, they were going to find your computer and charge you and you're going to go to jail? Yeah. I mean, they certainly made, what do you, they made subject,

what did they make? They caught a few people. Examples. Examples. They made examples of a few people. Yeah, and I was free. You know, for downloading, like, the crappiest movie, which was probably crime enough, the punishment of downloading few people. Yeah, and I was free. You know, for downloading like the crappiest movie, which was probably crime enough,

the punishment of downloading a Jennifer Lopez movie in the 2000s. Excuse me, she's wonderful. No, she has done some masterpieces. Masterpiece theatre. Has she? But they would do that. Someone would download a TV show and they'd be like, look, we've caught, we're looking all the time.

We've charged them. We've charged a person. Yeah, I know. Selena, Anaconda, Ants, The Cell, Angel Eyes,

Enough, Made in Manhattan, Gigli, Jersey Girls. You're just naming the films she's done, but not whether they're decent or not.

Made in Manhattan. No, because I skipped a couple. No, but would you be in, Anaconda. Would you admit to anyone in prison that you're there for downloading a J-Lo movie?

You wouldn't. No, you wouldn't. Downloading Monster-in-Law? Because you'd be crazy. Anyway, so it turns out that this ad, this anti-piracy ad, didn't achieve much. In fact, it actually increased people's desire to pirate a film. Because if you pirated a film, you didn't have to watch this stupid thing. And people thought it was so lame and embarrassing.

It had the opposite effect and encouraged piracy even further. Oh, wow. So basically, it just made people go, I hate this ad so much. I don't ever want to see it before my DVD that I'm hiring. I don't want to have to fast forward past this. So I'll just pirate it.

Also, it wasn't stealing in the traditional sense of stealing a car. You steal a car, it's gone. Yeah, you've taken someone's car. You downloaded a movie, it just literally duplicated you a copy onto your computer. You're stealing from. You're stealing what you would have paid to go to the movies. Yeah. Or buy the DVD from the company.

But it's not like stealing a physical property, is it? No. It was duplicating it. Like, I'd quite happily walk up to a car in a Westfield car park and be like, and when I got home, there was a car waiting for me. And the person still had their car. Yeah, because it was duplicated.

Yeah, it'd be quite good, eh? When the irony is now you can download a lot of things now. Yeah. And print them out with 3D printers. Back when this came out, you would have downloaded the car, you would have got home, you would have got in, you would have immediately contracted the herpes virus because you downloaded your car via LimeWire.

LimeWire. It was just absolutely riddled with them, wasn't it? And every other car at your house would have got the virus as well. And then every car in your neighbourhood, it spreads throughout. Did you know this piracy ad, that one in particular, You Wouldn't Steal a Car, was one of the first memes.

What's that? Became one of the first things that we made memes out of and made fun of on the internet. It was French, right? I remember hearing once it was a French ad. Je ne sais pas un motocard.

Yeah. Because there's no speaking, it just pops up on the screen. Right. So they could change out the text. And don't tell me, if you watch it again here, I'll bring it up again. You tell me that that computer screen they're looking at isn't added later. Absolutely. Like green screened in.

Oh, maybe, yeah. It may have been originally in French. I'll do some, and you can't see the number plate on the car. It's just a Mercedes. An old Mercedes. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. The world's most chaotic game show. Welcome to the world's most chaotic game show.

We start with six callers and in no time at all, through five rounds of fierce competition, we'll whittle them down to one and we don't even know what the prize is yet. But it is our Fiji happy hour, so everybody on the line is in the draw for that $5,000 Flight Centre gift card to go towards a sun-kissed Fiji holiday. Huzzah! Hullabaloo! Hullabaloo!

Hullabaloo! Huzzah! Not hullah, whatever. Let's meet our callers. Shay, hello! Hi! Good morning, whatever. Let's meet our callers. Shay, hello. Hi. Good morning, Dion. Good morning.

Kia ora, Kent. Yeah, g'day, mate. G'day, mate. Come in, Casey. Morning. Kieran, hello. How's it going? And g'day, mate, Maddie.

Hello. Hello. Let us begin. Round one. Round one's a simple six-sided dice roll, ladies and gentlemen, and two is out. See you later, Dion. Oh, just thanks for playing.

Thanks for playing. Bye, Dion. Round two. Okay, what is your favourite flower? Shane? Shay? Shay. Shay. Shay. Sunflowers. Sun. What about you, Kent? What's your favourite flower? Shane? Shay? Shay. Shay. Shay. Sunflowers. Son. What about you, Kent? What's your favourite flower?

It's got to be the lotus. Oh! Casey, what's your favourite flower? Oh, roses. Kieran, what's your favourite flower? Orchid. Oh!

Maddie, what's your favourite flower? Orchid. Maddie, what's your favourite flower? Daisy. The jury has spoken. See you later, Maddie. Okay, we've got four callers left. I'm pointing in one of the four major directions on the compass. Shay, which way am I pointing? Left.

Left? On the compass? See you later, Shay! You don't even know the directions on a compass! Round four. I think we were looking for north, south, east, west. Yeah. Kent, what is the best flavoured cookie?

Oh, mate, any cookie from Subway. Oh, Subway cookies. Oh, Subway. So you've not gone for a flavour there, Kent. You've gone for an entire brand. See you later, Kent. That's not what we asked for. I asked for a flavour.

Round five. Oh, my God. Okay, Casey and Kieran, you've got to decide. Would you rather have 100 Bosnia-Herzegovina convertible, Mark, or 100 Turkmenistan-Emanat? Oh, it's got to be Turkmenistan-Emanat. Turkmenistan-Emanat. Who's that that said that?

Is that you, Kieran? Casey. Casey. Casey. Well, Kieran, you mucked around. You snoozed and you loosed. Congratulations to Casey for winning today's World's Most Carted Game Show. How much has Casey won?

You have won $44.90 at current exchange rates in New Zealand dollars. And two Benesani Menards. Oh, fantastic. That's fantastic. And everybody, even if they did get it wrong, is in the draw to go to Fiji with our Fiji happy hour. Yeah. God, you'd be annoyed if you just won $44

and then someone else in that game won a trip to Fiji. You'll never know. All right, congratulations. More chances to win before 8 o'clock. We'll open up the phone lines and give you the chance to get to Fiji. I guess the flowers aren't just used for big apologies. I guess I should have been more conscious how you spoke to me. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. Well, it was a unanimous decision in the Scottish Parliament who have passed a law, I guess, making Scotland the first country in the world to protect the right to access free period products for anyone. So any menstruating person has access to free period products, be they rich or homeless. So today's the day that you can go into the supermarket?

Was this a while ago this kind of was talked about? Yeah. And today is the actual day. Today's the day. Wow, okay. The law has been passed. So it's not... How does that work?

You can't just walk into a supermarket and, like, yoink off the shelves. Right. You can still pay for them. If you go to the groceries and pick up some tamps. Yeah. But if you don't have access to those or you can't afford those, under this legislation, local officials, so I guess council, and education providers, so all schools,

are legally required to make period products available free of charge to anyone who needs them. Okay. Free products, the government has provided funding for an educational website for employers, so encouraging workplaces to have them for free. And then there's going to be collection points. Oh, yeah.

There's going to be an app called Pick Up My Period, which is an app, and you can go on the app and find a pickup point and go and get some for free. That's cool. That's very cool. It's very cool. Now I will say off air Fletch did yell what do the men get? Jokingly I said

that. Well every. I said that jokingly. Don't cancel me. He's feeling. I reckon cancelled by Smoko. He's feeling a little bit left out. You know, like every time it's International... I might just put her on Twitter. You know what?

Every time it's International Women's Day, there's always the men that are like, would it be International Men's Day? Yeah. And that happens in like November, doesn't it? Yeah. It's like a day to reflect on men's... Is there an International Men's Day?

Yeah, and it's a day to reflect on men's health issues and mental health. And the guys that are screaming, where's men's International Men's day and international women's day, are probably the guys that need that little mental health checkup. Don't you think it's 2022 and this is the first country in the world to do this? I know, isn't that crazy? It seems crazy.

Do tampons have an expiration date? That's what I've just Googled. Because I was thinking, if you're a school, wouldn't you just have a room full of them? Because you have to have them. Wouldn't you order as many as you could at a time? And then it's like, do they expire? And it's something I'd never, ever thought about. So I Googled it.

Well, there's no mints in them. I know. Mints. Yeah. T-S or C-E. There's neither of them. Neither. I was thinking of the mint.

You don't want a minty tampon. Oh, you don't? And you don't want a mincy tampon. Oh, you don't. You don't want either. Neither. Yeah. So here's the short mincey tampon. Oh, you don't? You don't want either. Neither. Yeah. So here's the short answer according to tampax.co.uk.

Oh, okay. Big tampax. Big tampax. Big tampons. Well, I mean just big tampons. All sizes. All sizes. Yes, they can.

Ah. How? Generally speaking, tampons expire after five years. Even though they may not look any different than the brand new ones, expired tampons shouldn't be used. Obviously, tampons won't deteriorate immediately once five years is up, but bacteria and small particles of mould can find their way into your tampons after they've expired.

You don't want that. No. No, wow. You certainly, certainly do not. No. Okay. Well, okay. New Zealand, your move? Yeah, I wouldn't be upset if they did that in New Zealand. Oh, my God, can you imagine it? Can you imagine them upstairs?

The talkback? Oh, the old mates on talkback wouldn't love it, but I'm all for it. I'm surprised we haven't done it already. You know what blows my mind is, like, old women would complain about it because they didn't get them. Like, that always kind of blows my mind on the, when something changes and people's main argument is,

well, I didn't, I paid for it. Yeah, but if that's what you're complaining about, we'll subsidise their incontinence pads as well at the same time. Which I believe already are heavily subsidised. Well, there you go. They get those. They're not getting the bloody benefit every week, aren't they, after under 65?

You can play with tampons. They're quite fun. Good for the cat. Well, they're good for gunshot wounds as well, aren't they? Yeah, so you're going to sustain sort of a heavy calibre, sort of a 50. Just chuck a maxi pad over the top as well. Maxi pad, plug it up.

Yeah, plug it and then pad. And yeah, just walk out of the bush and into your local A&E and you'll be right as rain. Absolutely. As long as it hasn't nicked a major artery. No, I'd say you'd be absolutely buggered. I'd say so too, yeah. Americans, it turns out, a large amount of Americans

don't know what a mortgage is and they're too afraid to ask because it's a word that's used so often that it seems like you should just know what it is even if you don't have one, even if you never really are likely to get one. Well, you just know it's a loan, right, from the bank to get a house. I sort of understand the like,

I didn't know the detail of it. I knew what a mortgage, what its function was, but I remember when we were first home buyers and we like, everything behind it, I was like, I don't know what any of this means. Yeah, and when they make you fill out like the 50 pages of paperwork and initial and like read every bit and you're like

like can't we just shake hands on this shit and make it up? Have you got a limb report? You're like, what are these reports? What are you a limb report for? It's got all its limbs. So 49% of Americans don't know what it is. And that included people who actually own homes. Wow.

Okay. Yeah. And homeowners only just got it right at a higher rate, 54% when they were given a list of, and this was when it became multi-choice. Yeah. Which one of these definitions is a mortgage? 54% of homeowners got it right.

Renters, 40%. So like still just over half. Wow. And then they have gone into other parts about the, this was a study paid for by, like, a loan. Right. Yeah. A loan company.

But it got me thinking, is there something that you don't know that you're afraid to ask? That you feel like you should know. Yeah. Or people like throw it about all the time. Or was there something like this and then you eventually figured it out? I mean, Google helps so much.

Oh, the internet, for sure. Because you can Google in the privacy of your own shame. Yeah, you can. When you find out what it means. What is it? But perhaps it might be one of those very rare things that is almost un-Google-able. Yeah, right.

Okay. It's like a... I hear people say things all the time now and I have to Google, like, what does so-and-so mean? Yeah. Same. I do it with, like, cool stuff. Yeah, yeah.

It's like we were talking about House of the Dragon, the new HBO show which is out on Monday, a chance to win some cash soon. Your friend asked about if the dragons were historical. Yeah, she said, is the Game of Thrones universe based on historical events? And I was like, there's dragons. Furthermore to that, though,

somebody did say that the Game of Thrones, the basic storyline is inspired by the English of Thrones, the basic storyline, is inspired by the English Civil War in the 1400s, known as the War of the Roses. Yeah, but I mean, there's not like a witch lady and like a big holy tree and like a guy whose eyes roll back in his head. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, no, there's none of that.

So we want to take some calls now. 0800 DARS at him. You can text as well, 9696. What are you too embarrassed to ask about? Or what were you? And there are no silly questions here. Because we might not even know the answers. Yeah.

If you're like, I'm confused about, insert thing here. The difference between a zucchini and a courgette. Region. Regional names. I don't know. They're exactly the same. They're the exact same thing. Are they? Oh, right, right. It's just how different cultures called them. All right Regional names. I don't know. They're exactly the same. They're the exact same thing. Are they?

Oh, right, right. It's just how different cultures called them. Yeah. All right. Maybe it's something you learned. But again, not a silly question. Not a silly question. Or that like champagne isn't just carbonated wine.

It has to be from the Champagne area of France. Yeah. But it also gets fizzy not by a soda stream. Though you can. And I would recommend. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. What you didn't know and you were too afraid to ask. Yeah, it turns out half of Americans don't order mortgages.

Yeah. Somebody messaged in saying they asked their dad if they'd ever seen the weather map camera. And their dad said, I'm not quite sure what you mean. And they say, well, you know, like where it says this is the weather happening in Tauranga and it shows Tauranga from like a helicopter or something, I assume.

Oh, sweet. And is it up there every day? Someone needs to go to OPSM because that looks computerized. Yeah, yeah, I know. Their dad was like, oh, hon, sweaty, sweaty hon hon. I was done in paint. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.

Megan, what were you too embarrassed to ask about? I was too embarrassed, but then I just actually came out and asked it. I asked my boyfriend if when men are taking number two, you have to hold your balls out of the way. Where do they go? Where do they go? Are they sitting forward of the seat or in the bowl? What do you mean forward of the seat?

Do you tuck them, like flap them forward? Where's your willy go? They just hang there. They go down in the bowl as well. They just hang there. In case the waves comes out. Although in America, the water level's very high. Yeah, you get splash.

Especially if, you know, you're roughing your hands. If you're low hangers, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You. Especially if, you know, you're rotted. If you're low hangers. Yeah, absolutely. You know, that's, I think that works both ways. Like, genital angles are a confusing thing for, you know,

we often think that about men might have questions about certain angles of down there for women, you know, so yeah, explore, explore the angles. I would just say, what did your boyfriend say? Did he say they just hang there?

Yes, after about 20 minutes of laughing at me and then trying to tell me and then laughing again. And, yeah, needless to say, he was like, they just hang and it doesn't get tough. Never in my 40 years has there been any... Yeah, no, it's all good. They just hang there, Megan. Thank you for your call.

Some more messages. There's so many coming through. My friend asked me when we were watching the news and there was a story about a country that still stoned people to death. They asked how much weed you'd have to smoke to... And they were like, what are you talking about? And they're like, well, what are you talking about?

And they're like, stoned to death is where they literally tie them to a post and throw rocks at them until they're dead. And they're like, that's terrible. Yes, it is terrible. I thought they'd literally be made to smoke weed until they died. All right, 0800DARLS at him. You can text him 9696. What are you too embarrassed to ask about?

Or maybe you were too embarrassed to ask. We're talking about what you don't know, but you were too afraid to ask. And there's ever been a couple that I'm like, I'm going to Google that. Really? Are we learning? Yeah. You know you always hear about the official cash rate? Oh, yeah, yeah.

And you're like, all I know is when it goes up, interest rates are going to go up. Yeah. So it's probably going to mean, even though it only affects the floating A, and then the fix just kind of follows. I don't know. I have no idea.

But it's the, where were I? I had it just before. It's in New Zealand. It is the interest rate set by the Military Policy Committee. And it's essentially, to be specific, it is the interest rate for overnight transactions between banks. And it defines the wholesale price of borrowed money.

I feel like I've Googled this so many times and I hear it, but it doesn't land in me as an understanding. No. Because I feel it's one of those things that you need to, like, know why it is what it is to fully understand it. And I don't have the time. I don't have the time. I just don't want to.

Yeah, no. Because you know when they're like, you'll leave school but the learning's never over? It is. I haven't learned in years. I'm done. So many texts and calls coming through. It's our Fiji happy hour as well.

It's a chance for you to ditch the winter chills for an Insta-worthy tropical Fiji escape, a $5,000 flight centre gift voucher at the end of the week. Oh, yeah. Up for grabs. Good morning, Monique. What were you too afraid to ask? Good morning.

I was scared that I didn't know what dinosaurs, if they were real or if they were myth. Oh, interesting. Oh, okay. And well, Monique, when the Lord a myth. Ah, interesting. Ah, okay. And when the Lord made the Earth 6,000 years ago. I don't know what I thought. Like, I didn't know, like, there's so many different things that people tell you about,

like, how the Earth started and stuff, and I didn't know if dinosaurs was just one of them. Right. Okay, and so when did you actually find out that they were real? Well, I texted my brother last week and asked him. Yeah, last week. My dude. Yeah. This is a recent revelation.

You know, at the Auckland Museum at the moment, there's an actual T-Rex skeleton. And it rules. But they look so bonkers. Like, how are they even real? They do. No, but I get it. They do seem like absolute,

like impossible creatures. Yeah. Like dragons. It's crazy. I believe. I get it. They do seem like absolute, like impossible creatures. Yeah. Like dragons. It's crazy. I believe. I love that, Monique. Billions of years of, you know, evolution will do some crazy things to a species. Well, they are like dragons. Yeah, they are.

True. Monique, thanks for your call. Kelly, what do you not know that you were too scared to ask about? Well, I don't know what an NFT is. I don't think anyone does, do they? No one cares anymore, Rita. They were a pandemic flash in the pan.

I also feel like I don't care either. It stands for what? Non-fungible token. I've had it explained to me and I just lose interest immediately. It just sounds like a pyramid scam, doesn't it? It just seems like everyone being like, but you own the image.

And then I would go like, right click, save image. And I'd be like, now I own the image. But I didn't spend millions on it. But I can, yeah. I can take screenshots. I don't know. Yeah, exactly. People, you hear these stories of people getting rich over an NFT.

Yeah, but that means somebody got it. You hear about people getting rich off pyramid schemes as well and someone loses out. You don't often hear from them. Yeah, I don't think we can help explain that anything more, Kelly. No, you're not alone on that one, Kelly. Thanks for your call. Some other messages.

Probate. Everybody seemed to know what probate was when I was dealing with a will, but I've got no idea. I've got no idea. Probate is a judicial process whereby a will is proved in a court of law

and accepted as a valid public document. That is the last will and testament of the deceased. I thought that was when you buy something and you send in that thing and you get $50 back.

Oh, that's a rebate. It's a rebate. Ah, right. I saw a rebate thing once and at this checkout I had my hand out being like, get me?

Oh no, you've got to send away for it. Yeah, and that's how they get you because nobody can be effed doing that. Because that's the thing, people forget about it,, you've got to send away for it. Yeah, and that's how they get you because nobody can be effed doing that. Because that's the thing, people get, yeah, they forget about it, don't they? I'll do that later. Classic procrastinating New Zealand. Yeah. That's why a rebate's a great idea here. Just give me

$50 off. Right now. I'm a dairy pharmacist, Sam. You would not believe the amount of older women with their own children who have asked me, how do you get a cow to start milking when surely they've experienced breastfeeding. Yeah. And it's just like the latch on and the suction.

The farmer has to suck on every individual teat to get them started. That's why they're so big. The farmers, they're like ripped and their bones are so strong. Yeah. Because of the calcium. I moved to New Zealand. We had a shared lunch and asked to bring a plate. You hear this a lot.

So I just turned up with a plate because I thought I'll put the food on my plate. Don't they describe that in the handbook they give to new citizens and stuff? Like a plate. You actually have to put food on it. My friend and I were buying lollies at the supermarket. We got to the checkout and the

confectionery free on checkout she said you can't go through there. And I'm like, why not? Because you can't take lollies through there. No. And I said, no, there's no lollies in this aisle, so you can take your kids through it. And they're not going to be like, can I have lollies?

Can I have lollies? And she was like, I have been dodging that aisle every time. Every time I've had lollies. I thought that's where they put the diabetic checkout person. Oh, my God. What, in case they couldn't help themselves? We're not judging. We're not judging.

No, no. Yeah. My friend didn't know there were turkeys in New Zealand. We saw some turkeys. They were like, no, those aren't turkeys. Those are brown peacocks. We don't have turkeys. Turkeys are only in America.

Oh, wow. No? No, we definitely do. No, we just don't eat them that often. Yeah. No, we don't. So. Wow.

Here we go. Ask. Ask, yeah. Or Google. Google it. Google it. I'll be here for you. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. Ho, ho, ho. Ooh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Ooh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Yes, that's right. It's only the 16th of August, but there are reports of Christmas creeping in already. We are 130 days and 15 hours and 50 minutes away.

Till Santa's here. And a reminder, I need to book some flights home because they always put the prices up, don't they? Yeah, you get into it And then they'll probably Cancel those too Make me pay more Don't know where I'm going to go

You've already got your Christmas Scrooge moon on Are you all alone? Are you all alone this Christmas? No I just don't know Where we're going Oh you've got to choose a family No we're packed

We're going Sprouse What do you Well do you not do We do a year on year off Yeah but like Do you do a location Christmas With the Sprouse? No well not usually Sprouts. What do you not do? We do it year on, year off. Yeah, but do you do a location Christmas with the Sprouts? No, well, not usually, but I think this year we might because they're renovating and we're renovating. No one's got a nice pad to sort of relax.

So you do a picnic. You could do a Christmas picnic. Yeah, I think we might do an Airbnb. Oh, okay. How posh. Must be nice. Must be nice, yeah. It is nice. Must be nice, yeah. It is nice.

Must be nice. Must be nice. I bet you have posh crackers, too. Oh, my God. You wouldn't even believe. Patsy makes them from scratch. Oh, yeah. Your mum makes crackers?

Yeah, mate. We've made crackers once, ages ago. You've got to buy the little bangers. Yeah. What's a bangers? The things that explode. The sticks. You buy those from, like, Spotlight.

Oh, my God. I was talking about crackers you eat. I was talking about cheese and crackers. No, Christmas crackers. But she makes crackers from scratch. Yeah, my mum makes edible crackers from scratch. No, we don't have fancy Christmas crackers. Oh, right.

Okay. No, no, no. I like the little plastic. Who makes crackers from scratch? There's no way you could do that cheaper than buying them from the store. Yeah, no, you can buy crackers for a dollar something. Not if you care about what you put in your body. Isn't it all the same?

Crackers, as it turns out. Well, some reports are in. Chris lets us know Northwest in Auckland there, at the end of the Northwestern motorway, already popping up with an eight-pack of Christmas cards, Christmas labels, Christmas bows for both the tree and presents and various stickies. It looks to be some sort of craft store or maybe one of those sort of a... Party shops.

Cheap party shop, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Alistair wants us to know he recently purchased a bottle of wine and around the neck of the wine was a label that says, eat, drink and be merry. Oh, no. That's Christmas specific, isn't it?

That's very Christmas specific. You can't be merry year round? I'd prefer not. I'd prefer just to eat and drink until November. If you are happy, yes, but merry, very specific. That's December. Lou has made, she says, I felt like this needed to be reported to the authorities of Christmas,

and of course we pop immediately to mind. Apparently the warehouse put on their Instagram story, is it too soon to be thinking about Christmas, and ran a little poll. No, it's not too soon, Or yes, it's too soon. I don't have the results of this poll because Lou just sent us a story. It's too soon. It's too soon.

Yeah, as a screen cap. Was their little poll silly? Because I'm feeling... It was a jolly little poll. Okay, it's a jolly little poll. Okay. No, we're all right then. We don't want to have to take the warehouse to court.

No. Neither. We're stealing our silly little poll idea. Yeah. Becky says Christmas penetration is out and about in the UK. It's currently 30 degrees, so I'd imagine all the chocolate in this

has melted, as Tesco's already started selling Christmas chocolates in tins. In stores! That's ridiculous. It's August. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Amanda posted on the Mount Maunganui notice board, does anyone know where there is a Christmas lunch, restaurant or buffet place open on Christmas Day

in Tauranga or all the mountain? Everyone's like, calm your thumb. You do have to book ahead though for those Christmas days. Yeah, but do you know what? People can't even find staff to do a Sunday brunch at a restaurant or a cafe, let alone a Christmas day anything. What's that going to be like?

Good luck. Someone said, got this targeted to me on Facebook today. Pick and Mix Lollies NZ have put up a post saying, have you thought about staff and client Christmas gifts yet? Pre-order and save on commercial pre-orders for Christmas lollies. Oh, I wonder what their jelly beans are like. Red, white and green. No, but it's the quality of the jelly bean.

Oh, right. The flavours. Give me a blue and a red. You can't put a blue in a Christmas. Blue's not a Christmas colour. Well, it can. Some people have a silver and blue tree. You damn fools.

Yeah, but not lollies. You can't get silver and blue lollies. That doesn't say Christmas to me. That says old person's wedding anniversary. Speaking of staff Christmas gifts, we don't do a secret Santa, do we? Yeah, we do. Get ready for that punish. I don't want to. Every year I get someone I don't do a secret Santa, do we? Yeah, we do. Get ready for that punish. I don't want to.

Every year I get someone I don't know. That's on you. Wait, it's not just the six of us. It's everyone in the office. You can ask for the cash equivalent, as I have every Christmas, and no one's given that yet. Christmas penetration is at the Waikato Hospital as well, says Nicoletta. They're pulling out

the decorations and getting ready to put them up. It's only bloody August. Yeah, but do you know what? They've had to deal with some stuff, haven't they? Haven't they? Absolutely haven't they? And joining us on the phone for an in-person report of Christmas Penetration. Oh, goodness.

Jaden, a very good morning to you. Good morning. How are you? Good. Really good. You've got some Christmas Penetration to report. Who's got the tree up? Good morning, how are you? Good. Really good. You got some Christmas penetration to report. Who's got the tree up?

My mother has had her Christmas tree up since March. Wow. Wait, why did she even take it down? Well, yeah, so she has four Christmas trees. The first one goes up in March, and then they all come down like Boxing Day, and it's like just Christmas has deserted us for the three months, and then they go back up. Wait, so all four go up in March, or does she stagger them?

No, no, no. She's not crazy. She staggers them. Staggers them. So how many are up at the moment? Just one? All four. No, no, all four have officially gone up.

So it's March, April, May, June. Oh, right. Okay, wow, wow. And so full decorations or does she leave them blank? No, no, full decorations. Some of them have got presents under them already. Yeah, no, it's full Christmas at our house. Oh, my God.

How many presents do you each get? Does she just go crazy? Yes, she does, yeah. Has she always been this way? She has, yeah. She's actually the only person I know who does lay-by at the Christmas shop.

So there's a Christmas shop in New Plymouth that opens specifically for her birthday. Wow. Yeah. Wait, guys, wait. And she's got a tattoo too, doesn't she, Jaden?

She does. She has three Christmas themed tattoos, actually. Oh, wow. She loves Christmas. Why does she love Christmas so much? I'm not sure. We haven't really got to the bottom of it, but she always says that Christmas isn't a season,

it's a feeling. Oh. That's one of the tattoos. I wonder what her tattoos say. Wow. And so's one of the tattoos. Yeah, her tattoo says, yeah. One of the other Christmas tattoos. She just wants that feeling all year round. Yeah, apart from between Boxing Day and March. She needs a breather. I'm imagining that's

Easter warm-up. Yeah. From one Christian holiday to the next. Yeah. Well, Jaden. Wow. I mean, Christmas penetration of mum sounds like it's, you know, in the apparatus. It does. Yeah, I'd say well above 100%. I mean, Christmas penetration of mum sounds like it's, you know, in the apparatus. It does. In the apparatus. Yeah, I'd say well above 100%.

I'm surprised you're not called, like, Nicholas or Noel. Pringle or Chris or Claus or... Yeah, don't give her ideas. I'm 31, but she'd probably still call me. She'll rename you. She'll drag you down to birth test marriages and rename you. She will. Okay, well, with all that in mind,

and 130 days away from Christmas. Has anyone seen the wrapping paper? Christmas penetration is at... Four and a half percent! Oh my God,

that's crept up. It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. And if you see any Christmas creeping in, send us a message on our Instagram

or Facebook, FBHZM. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. When you get old, you get to recommend tradies to your friends. Yes.

That's, this is, this is, and I'll say, have you been paying attention last week? Ursula, Hayley and I sitting in a triangle.

You got a, you got a, Tyler, don't you Vaughn? Yeah, I got a Tyler, I got a Tyler. What about your dick? Who's building your dick? You got a dick builder? You got an electrician? Yeah, yeah. Oh mate, I got a I sitting in a triangle. You've got a Tyler, don't you, Vaughan? Yeah, I've got a Tyler. What about your deck? Who's building your deck? You've got a deck builder?

You've got an electrician? Oh, I might have got a hell of an electrician. I've got a great roofer. I've got a good electrician. Do you need an electrician? No, but you live CBD. We're all Westies.

No, I've got a local electrician just down the road who can call in and do stuff on the way home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got a combler. Seb can call in. I've got a good combler.

No, I've got a bloody good combler. I've got a combler on the drive home. He's fixing my marching boots. You've got to say, yeah, but if he'd been that great, we wouldn't need to fix him again, would he? No. Aaron fixed them last time. Oh, he's not a cobbler?

What's he doing messing with the boots? I know I couldn't get to my cobbler. He was busy. He's a busy boy. He's a busy boy in demand. So this is basically, if you're under 20 or, you know, like early 20s, this is a conversation you can look forward to in 20, like 20 years, 15 years.

That's all my back. Oh, no, you can expect that in your early 30s. That really starts. Don't damn me. Don't damn me. I've got a good back. Yeah, but your knee's buggered and your hip's on the way out. It is.

It is. Anyway, so I needed a Tyler. I said, I've got a Tyler. And I said, hook me up with your Tyler. So I was like, well, how do you want to do this? So I shoot them a message on Instagram that is both of them. He says, Sam, Hayley, Hayley, Sam, Hayley needs a Tyler for an upcoming project.

And I said, I know a guy. You're that guy, Sam. Sam's a great Tyler. Take it away. And then Sam says, all right, and he gives me his number. And then I say, why don't you come over and have a look and we'll tell you about the projects that we need done by a Tyler. He'll get it done.

Yeah. He comes over on the weekend, but unfortunately I've got to go out. So it's just Aaron at home. But Aaron's kind of running the Reno, so it's fine. He's got all the information he needs. Sam comes over upon Vaughn's recommendation and they do whatever they need to do. And then they go.

And then Aaron rings me. He's like, yeah, it's great. Nice and easy. I think it'll be good. He's going to do what we need him to do. Then yesterday I get a message from Sam into the group with Sam and Hayley, the initial group that I set up the chat with,

saying, Jesus, I didn't realise I was going to be having a beer with the Greg Grover from Nova on Saturday. It takes people aback. But the fact that you have no comprehension of how tall Greg Grover from Nova is until you face the chest with Aaron. He's a big man. Yeah, I'm 6'2 and I'm looking the guy straight in the throat. Absolutely. And Hayley said, classic Aaron never offers a coffee.

Our draftsman came around and Aaron offered him a martini. To which Sam said, yeah, he offered me a martini too. He had one. I just had a beer. And I said, what is going on? And Hayley said, Aaron always offers tradies a cocktail. Tradies don't drink cocktails. You can't spoil a tradie by giving them a cocktail

because now when Sam comes back to our place for tiling in the future, we'll have to put on a charcuterie board. What have you got? He's going to be actually getting a selection

of cold meats. But I just, I've seen this happen a couple of times but I didn't know this was regular practice. Like Aaron's having regular meetings

with all sorts, plasterers, tradies, builders. Yeah. And every time he's offering them aies, builders. And every time, he's offering them a bloody martini. And sometimes the meetings are at like 11.30

in the morning. It's a sexy drink. It's a sexy drink. You don't see that on the block though, do you? No. And you have one martini and you're like, I feel it in me. That's a martini. Now I've got to have a glass of water before. You shouldn't be plying your tradies with booze.

You want the job done right. This is awesome. Yeah, is this just on the inspection where they come around to, like, size up the – maybe he's trying to get them pissed for a lower quote. No, not when they're working. But, like, the first time our draftsman came for a face-to-face meeting, I was sitting there and Aaron said, do you want a martini? And the guy who's like a bit older was like so thrown, like taken aback.

He was like, oh, just a glass of water is good. And then the thing is, like with Aaron, bless his soul, he doesn't read the room and go, all right, well, we're just having a coffee or we're just having a beer or a glass of water. He'll make them what they ask for and he'll just keep shaking them up a bloody cocktail

for himself so he can then sit down with his dirty martini and go, right, let's have a look through these plans. At 11 in the morning.

It's such a bizarre mood. Because even sometimes when you offer it, do you want a coffee to a tradie? Oh, no, no, no, no. And they're like, oh, I'm putting the jug on.

They're like, well, only if it's no trouble. Yeah. Only if it's no trouble. Reluctantly take a coffee. I can imagine you want to be like, oh, I'm putting the jug on. They're like, well, only if it's no trouble. Only if it's no trouble. Reluctantly take a coffee. I can imagine you want to be like, oh, I'm making a martini. Do you want one? I do want one because who says no to a free cocktail?

But is this a test? Is this inappropriate? Oh, only if it's no trouble. And then they come out like. How bizarre. It doesn't feel appropriate at all. But the boy can't be stopped. He loves a martini.

And it helps him connect with strangers. Well, we're all coming over this weekend. Will there be martinis? Aaron will 1000% make you all a martini. It's what he does. Does he do mojitos? He does a mojito. He does a margarita.

He does an espresso martini. We've got an espresso machine, unlike you. What, he's just a regular bloody Tom Cruise and cocktail back there? Oh, he's so good at cocktails. Yeah. Whereas if you go to Fletcher's house, you've got to have a Mocona half-meat. Oh, yeah. Fletcher's got his beautiful booze trolley, but he's trash at dealing out drugs.

There is nothing wrong with an instant coffee espresso martini. I mean, I had to make them work. And they were great, weren't they? I don't remember. It's a moj-tini. I mean, I had to make them work. And they were great, weren't they? I don't remember. It's a moj- Neither. It's a moj-tini.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day. This is a big one popped up right at the top on Reddit yesterday from the Reader's Digest. It's the origins of a saying. You know, yesterday we learned this saying, I'll put that cat on the roof. Put the cat on the roof.

Put the cat on the roof, yeah. So do you know, I researched further into that. It's how to like professionally and slowly break somebody bad news. Yeah. And it's not I put the cat on the roof. The cat's on the roof. Yeah, but someone's got to put it there. No, no, no.

The cat got up on the roof itself. Cat's on the roof. Well, that's got to do with bad news. Family went away for a holiday, left the boy next door looking after the cat. Yeah. And he rang them and said, the cat's dead. And they were like,

whoa, you've got to learn to break bad news to people. Okay. For example, you might say the cat got on the roof and I can't get it down.

Yep. And then the next time the cat fell and it's dead. Right. So it's a slow breaking of news. So you're lying to people. Yeah.

Crafting, crafting the bad news. Okay. You know, like learn to break bad news. And then the next time they go away, he calls them halfway through the holiday and says, Grandma's on the roof.

Why is he still in charge of looking after the house? I don't know why he's in charge of Grandma. He's next door. Get the kids next door to feed the cat for nothing, mate. Like, I'll bring you some Toblerone. Yeah, you pay for a professional cat sitter. Thousands. That's a small fortune.

So this is the origins of the saying, close but no cigar. Oh, okay. And it is because in the 1920s, fairs and carnivals handed out cigars as prizes. Now, at this time, it's not like modern. The games were more targeted towards adults, not necessarily kids.

Okay. So if you were close, it was close but no cigar because the cigar would be the prize. But if you hit the tin or whatever with a slug gun. Cigar. Cigar. Cigar for you. Okay.

Yes. Cigar for you. But otherwise, if you missed, you were close but no cigar. I always say close but no cigar. Close but no cigar. And you'd never know why. Not a single idea. Yeah.

So then it, you know, just got into all other manners of the lexicon of when someone almost got something but not enough to get the major prize. Close but no cigar. Close but no cigar. And now it would be close but no cheap made in China teddy bear. Yeah. Yeah. Very flammable soft toy. Close but no flammable soft toy. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Very flammable soft toy. Close, but no flammable soft toy.

Yes. Yeah. So today's fact of the day is a close but no cigar came about because cigars were prizes for carnival games. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. I was just finishing my cracker and it's not one that Patsy made. It's not us.

They're store-bought and I'm embarrassed. I still can't believe your mum home makes crackers. Yeah, man. Like when they're so cheap. They're literally one of the cheapest foods. Yeah. And she's like, I'm going to go to the bulk bins area and get seeds. And you're like, okay.

Now, Idris Elba. Gosh, he's a handsome man. He's very handsome. Oh, for me. I'm just looking at him now and thinking. Do you think he'll be the next James Bond? That's all the rumours. Long time rumour.

Or has he kind of missed the boat on that now? Who was the next one? Oh, it's people saying Taron. Taron Egerton. Taron Egerton, yeah. I got him lined up to be the next Wolverine, though, so he might be a bit busy. You'd go James Bond over Wolverine.

He's also ripped in that Blackbird show that I'm watching. Stacked little dude. No, he's too short to be James Bond, but he's the right height for Wolverine. Is Wolverine a petite man? Wolverine's short but stocky. And as Hugh Jackman let us all astray with our introductions to Wolverine being over six foot tall,

he should never have been that tall. Never. No, James Bond's got to be tall. He does. Yeah. The last time I see him being chucked forward for James Bond's got to be tall. He does. Yeah. Part of his lure. The last time I seen him being chucked forward for James Bond, I was like, that's not a bad.

I know Hiddleston was on the table for a while. What about Richard Madden? Richard Madden would be good. He would be a good Bond. Yum, delicious. Give me a slice of that. Anyway, so Idris Elba also has a beautiful wife. My God, she's stunning.

And he was filming in South Africa, I believe, or just North Africa, South Africa. And they decided to have a little break. His wife came over to the shoot. They thought, you know, before I hop off to the set today, I'm going to jump in the shower. Why don't you follow me? Oh, good.

It must be a big shower. Yeah. Like a walk-in shower. With a dirty back. Absolutely. And so they jump in the shower to have a little steamy session. And they're suddenly interrupted by the arrival of a bat. A bat?

A bat is discovered in the shower. Now, they don't notice it first. They come out, you know, giggles and whatnot and kisses on the neck and all sorts. Hot water, it's getting steamy in there, hands everywhere. Kisses on the neck pre-soap, I'm assuming, because you don't want to be kissing on the body

when there's soap. No, no, no, no, that's after. That's after. And then they turn around and the little bat is like hanging onto the shower door handle, like hanging upside down and it's all wet. How would you handle a bat? Because you do not like moths.

Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's the word. Bats. It's like a rat moth, isn't it? You're upsetting me. Bats are gross, but I don't know. I mean, it would just freak me out. It would freak me out if there was a bird in there. It's so weird that you'd be more freaked

out by the other insect than you would by the bat. Yeah, I would. I see cockroaches around my house all the time like, get out of here. But yet the M, the word that I won't say, really, okay. Well, here's the issue. In, this is recently that

this happened, but in 2019 Idris Elba was filming in Australia and he developed quite a severe phobia of bats because they're everywhere in Australia. Yeah, they are. They just fly around. Well, yeah, you go to Sydney. Yeah, Sydney. Yeah, everywhere. Yeah.

And so he said that they just like, he just hated them and he got really freaked out. So when he saw a bat, the first thing he did was push his wife out of the way and bust. Like he sprinted for it and left his wife in the shower, nude, with this bat. Anyway, a horrible, a horrible interruption to what would otherwise have been a lovely start to the day. So we wanted to ask you, what interrupted your steamy little session? You know, what walked in? Who came knocking at the door? Who busted in?

Did something explode, implode? You know, like the ceiling? Some ceiling fan came loose? Yeah. Whoever's on top's just getting like a ceiling fan in their head or back. If you were on top, you'd be like, what was that? You wouldn't know. And then obviously you'd probably be nude.

So there's going to be some embarrassment. Very much be nude. I'm sure there'll be a lot of stories of your kids. Mum and dad have the key and they just come round. Or your kids coming in. Yeah. I remember my best friend walking out. I don't know if I should say this.

No, I won't say it. You can't just start a story and then stop. Just say anonymous friend. No, because everyone knows who my best friend is. I can't. Did she walk in on the parents? She walked in. Oh, wow.

She walked in as a child. On her parents. Yeah. Okay. I never have. Okay. Thank God. Well, we did ask.

We did ask. Idris Elba and his wife had a little steamy moment in the shower, and then that's when they discovered in South Africa he was on location shooting a movie. There was a bat in the shower. Yeah, he bolted. We want to know what interrupted your steamy time, your intimate moment.

And, wow, we're getting some stories through. I was having a solo session on the couch. Does this count? We did ask for intimate moments. Yeah, we did. And a Bible study group knocked on the ranch ladder to talk about Jesus. Three little old ladies peering in at me and my satisfier. You were probably imagining that it was a man having it

on the couch. It was a female. So there you go. Put aside your prejudices. But apparently the three old ladies did that thing where you put your hands on the side of your head to block out the outside light and then stick your head on the right slider. I bet you they all went and bought one. Absolutely. Well, the way she was screaming

and talking to Jesus, they probably wanted the direct line she was having too. Catherine, what interrupted your intimate moment? Sorry, did you say Catherine? I did, yes. That's you. Good morning. Morning, morning, morning, Sam. Morning.

I was making lunch for my partner. This was years ago for work. And it was early hours, and my daughter was still asleep and we were in the kitchen. And he just thought they wanted a cookie before we went to work. Good for you. Oh, yeah.

Well, anyway, because she walks in halfway through, I bend down to, quickly bend down to pull up my pyjama pants and I smack my head on the bench and I ended up with some stickers.

Oh, my dude. Mum, I've got a wonky eyebrow. No, what a wonky eyebrow. No. You've got so many people who'll be like, where'd you get that scarf from, Catherine? You'll be like, making lunch. Making lunch.

Making lunch. Making something. Making lunch. Oh, Catherine, amazing story. Thank you for sharing. So many great stories are coming through. I'm so, I feel, I'm blushing and I'm not prudish. I would like further details.

This person's text message, Din. Yeah. A police raid. Oh! A police raid. Okay. More details, please. They let go of the canine unit.

And it just latches onto the... We want to know what has interrupted your intimate moments with your partner or loved one. There are some amazing stories coming through. I turned around mid... Lovemaking. Conversation. Received a large ponamu right to the nose. What? I turned around mid lovemaking. Conversation.

Received a large pounamu right to the nose. What? I'm imagining they were wearing a necklace. Oh, okay. Oh, they were wearing it. They didn't whack them with a pounamu patu. Yeah, that's what I was like. Someone's coming in and just mucking them in the middle of a lovemaking. And whack them with the ceremonial patu.

No. No, it was a big necklace by the sound of things. One of the first times I was at my girlfriend's parents' house, she said, our bathroom's down there second on the left. Uh-oh. The bathroom was third on the left. The second on the left was her parents' bedroom. And I interrupted them.

Oh, you interrupted them. Yeah. Oh, no. Parents don't do that. Mid-car intimate session. I haven't been back on my own car, no. Not enough room. Not enough room.

You, you, you. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're two tall people. I just like, even six two and I'm pushing. It's a mess. Yeah, van maybe? Yeah. You don't want to be caught

doing it in the back of a van. Creepy. Mid-car intimate session and I realised the Carolina Reaper chillies that I'd been cutting earlier that day were still very much present on my hand. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Halfway through, the stinging feeling was on her downstairs which transferred to my downstairs. Pretty quickly put an end. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. My wife and I were doing the hanky-panky in our room,

and our son booted open the door and said, Mom, what's wrong? Why are you screaming? Where's the lights? Quite a few kids. Screaming. Quite a few kids interrupting different stories of it. I was once interrupted by our chihuahua that decided to try to rip the condom off.

Oh, it got right in there. It got right in there. Like a dog with a bone. Yeah, it was. I had to wrestle with him to get him off, so the mood was killed. Somebody else said our Labrador pushed the door open. We can't have shut it properly. And no.

No, no. It's not the worst possible. It's bad, though. Okay. It's bad. Yes, so many, so many mood killers. My friend Foxy jumped up on the bed and bit the husband's dangly nuts while he was... Our drunk teenager climbing in the window when they'd been out

and we didn't know they'd been out and they thought they were climbing into their bedroom window and they climbed into ours, interrupting our lovemaking. Oh, wow. Who's in trouble, you know? Or do we just, it's a clean slate. The teenager's in trouble, but also he's already suffered enough. Yeah.

Let's not talk about this in the morning. Yeah. Imagine that. Just get in, get over that weight bit, thump on the floor and look up and you're mum and dad are there. Jessica, what interrupted your steamy session? So my mother-in-law kindly walked in on my husband and I. She soon learnt to knock on the door as opposed to just walking in.

But what made matters worse was the fact that she told her entire workplace, which was quite a busy workplace in a small little town. So the entire town found out very quickly what had happened. No, no, no, no, no. What happened in the moment? So she comes through the door. What's the first exchange between you? So

my husband was on his knees behind me just to make a tip to the person. There was one thing telling the small town. Jessica, there was one thing telling the small town. You've just told the whole bloody country. Jessica's first to you. We were just kind of like set the atmosphere. We weren't after the intimate details in your preferred position.

I'm proud of you, Jess. Oh, my God. 15 years later, what's the worst that can happen? That's so true. Jessica, thanks for your call. Hey, guys, apparently being the company's most successful podcast isn't enough. They want us to tell people to tell more of their friends. So people are clearly liking it, but we have to tell them to tell others to like it.

See, I would concentrate more on the shitter podcasts that the company makes. Yeah, same. You know, the real losers out there. Same. No, no, no, we'll just, maybe we won't say names. Maybe we should even encourage people to listen

to other podcasts that the company makes. Oh, no, but only after ours. Yeah, nah, nah, don't do that. And not more than ours. Give us a sexy little review, though.