ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 16th December 2022

Episode Date: December 15, 2022

Top 6: Airport  Silly Little Poll!  Gym Billboard  Vaughan vs Bank  Ice Cream Index!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Try barista made iced coffees available now at your local McCafe. And I tell you, one of these iced coffees would be delicious right now because we are feuding with Carl Wayne, our executive producer slash social media desk at the moment.

She's standing here like some righteous little wench with her receipts. Is this how the heat is controlled in our room? 19.7. Are you saying it's hot again? It's too hot. Oh, no, I'm getting a cold breeze around my nether regions. I'm getting a blustery southerly. Right.

Well, we've been really struggling with the warmth in the studio today. Carl Wayne. You can see that the air is humming. I can feel it. Why did you put it up to 22 earlier, though? You're trying to kill us. Oh, God. Is this menopause?

We are menopause. It could be. Yeah. I reckon it is. I'm not. I'm 33. Everyone's menopause at all ages. I know.

There's early. There's late. That's hot, man. We have been doing Lots of dancing Sweaty pits Yeah another show Another podcast today

That's slightly off the rails I'll be honest I don't know How we're going to function Next week We've got another week Of shows left And I will

I think we should take This opportunity To tease an exciting Thing that we're doing Over the Christmas New year period Right here Where you're listening to us Yeah right here Every day While we're away Because the Christmas, New Year period. Right here where you're listening to us.

Yeah, right here. Every day while we're away, because we've got a four-week hiatus. I believe that it's pronounced hiatus. Hiatus. Hiatus. Hiatus. Hiatus. Our hiatus.

Every day we'll have a small little segment, a podcast. Yeah. Original for you. Some of them are deep, man. And some of them are fucking stupid. So we've been recording these little bite-sized podcasts, including, and I think one of my favorites is with Morgan the Sexologist.

Oh, yeah. Where we have a real AOR18 talk about a certain thing. Yeah, that's fun. Word association games, we play a few of those. We talk about, like, we do some would-you-rathers. We do some reflections on the year, on life, some random scenarios. Talk a lot of shit. We talk a lot of shit.

It's really, really fun. So there'll be one of those every single day, even the weekends. So we just thought, like, literally yesterday yesterday so many people messaged me so many people messaged me on instagram yeah being like don't go on holiday i'll miss you every morning yeah so we've got this for you a little treaty also screwing up your face fuck you we're entitled to holidays you don't own us you pay nothing for the service we ask you to listen to one 15 second commercial at some stage in the podcast and you have a fucking whinge about

that. When I whinge when I hear the one on the podcast. Fast forward it. Don't whinge. Just fast forward. Jeez Louise. God, you've really triggered him there, haven't you? Oh, he's off. He's cross. Oh, now he's sad. Does your mate Malcolm Gladwell not do ads? Because you can't. Oh, every now and then Malcolm Gladwell will do an ad on the podcast.

Before you came into it yesterday, I said to Hayley, let's have a bet how long Vaughn says, oh, my Malcolm Gladwell podcast today. You didn't do it, but today you did it and it was about 8.30. Do you remember that? Yes. 8.30 ad break. I listened to a Malcolm Gladwell podcast about the man that revolutionized

the way that um planes were used in warfare wow that was fascinating i do i do want to listen to this podcast i do love his books i've been listening to a um science versus oh yeah is so good and i listened it's just like every episode it's like one, and they'll put science against it. And the one I listened to into work this morning was about circumcision. Oh, right. And whether or not it has an impact on both your sexual health and your sexual enjoyment. It was very interesting.

What was the outcome? It's just a lifetime of hand moisturizer and lube, isn't it, really? It is. And what do you do? What do you do? What do you do? I don't know what to do. I know. I'll be at a loss.

I know. Yeah. All my stuff doesn't work. All of your pleasure is foreskin based. I'm very foreskin based in the bedroom. She's very. She loves an ante though. She loves a.

No, you know that. You've got to branch out. I've got all sorts. All of your stuff's foreskin based. What else is there? There's a whole other world underneath. No, no, no. Why would you cut it off?

I can show you the world. Oh my God. Well, enjoy that. Shining, shimmering pleasure. Enjoy that thought. Yeah. Have a great weekend and we'll see you back on Monday. I kind of forgot where we were

For a minute there I apologise This is a hell of a start To the podcast It is It's quite rude It is Yeah

Apologies Apologies Well I mean Don't whinge though You haven't paid anything for it Oh my god You could have fast forwarded 15 seconds at any stage

Thank you Sam Good morning Welcome to the show Fletch, Fawn and Hayley Happy Friday Yay What a lot of shows today Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Happy Friday. Yay. A lot of shows today.

It'll be their last show, but not this show. No. We work through. We're working Christmas Day. We're not working Christmas Day. No, we're not. I'm not working Christmas Day. It'll be the last show this time next week. So, I guess, just tell all your other friends that listen to other stations,

we're the only ones on. Because we're hard workers, you know. Yeah. Scything off. But we're off longer as well. No, don't say that. We'll be straight back. Yeah, we'll be straight back after the break. Oh my god, no delay. Don't go anywhere. When are the stat days over? On the 5th or something like that?

Yeah, we'll be straight back. Boy, I can't wait. I hope my flights don't go anywhere. When are the stat days over? On the 5th or something like that? Yeah, we'll be straight back. Straight back. Boy, I can't wait. I hope my flights don't get cancelled, because then we won't be able to come back. Well, speaking of, there's been a lot of talk about the busiest days at airports over the coming weeks. What was the outcome?

The 22nd? 23rd is a big one. 23rd, that's sad. Auckland Airport have released a few dates. We mentioned the other day. Yes, we did. There's another news story about those today. How about Auckland Airport's

hold on trading yesterday? Because the mayor spoke out of turn. Yeah, that was crazy, eh? Yeah. Because he's not allowed to comment on. As a black public office, you're not allowed to comment on. As a black public office, you're not allowed to comment before a privately owned entity about the plans for a privately owned entity. Well, yeah, especially when you're a large shareholder.

Yes. Right. I've said that. I mean, it's, somebody said tantamount to like price, was it price fixing they said or market fixing or something? Yeah, I don't know. It was pretty crazy. It sounds like something I'd do as a mayor.

I'd be like, what are you talking about? Yeah. And they'd be like, oh no, you can't do that. It's illegal. Well, no one told me that. No one told me. I couldn't fly my helicopter under the Harbour Bridge. Can you fly a helicopter under the Harbour Bridge?

That would be fun. If you're ballsy enough, you can do anything you want whether or not legally you're allowed to. I don't know. You might hit a bungee, though. No, we did it in a flight simulator once. Remember that? That was fun.

That was a full 737. Yeah. We flew under a harbour bridge. The important thing, Hayley, is to keep your speed up. Just like... Especially when you get lower to the ground,

you've really got to punch it. And wait for the ferries to go through. Yeah, ferries and bungees. Oh my God, that happened to me when I was doing my bungee off the harbour bridge.

They were like, okay, you ready? Three. Oh, hang on,, that happened to me when I was doing my bungee off the Harbour Bridge. They were like, okay, you ready? Three. Oh, hang on, there's a boat. And I was like, literally about to jump off and had to wait forever. Oh my God. Next on the show though, speaking of airports, the UK are changing things up. I hope everyone follows suit.

Same, because this is quite a good change, which we'll talk about next on the show. You talk about Brexit. I know you're a huge fan of Brexit. No, not Brexit. I'm pro-Brexit. Also coming up, the top six, Vaughan. Yes. Also airport related.

Very, very heavy. Are you all right? That's the theme of the show. Very heavy first. Oh, there it goes again. Still not COVID, though, is it? You've been testing. No, I've been testing.

It's not COVID. Very heavy airport half hour. I've got the top six ways to not look sus at the airport because apparently at Auckland Airport, they're really looking for people with drugs up their bots and other ways of getting drugs into the country. Well, yeah, they're looking for suspicious characters. They've got people that wander through.

So it's not just at those checkpoints where they take your bag and scan it. They're just wandering. Wandering around. They're always watching. Always watching.

They'll always get me if I'm wearing my leather jacket because I look like a badass. And you sweat a little bit, don't you? And I'm very sweaty. You look like you're harbouring drugs

but you're just sweaty. Just wet. Yeah, just wet and sweaty. And you've got a little bit of crotch situation because you've been so warm on the plane and you've got to walk

a little. Oh my God, you're swampy. Yeah, walk a little, you know, bow-legged and that certainly looks like you're getting something in there. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Well, the holiday season is upon us and a lot of people will, especially if season is upon us, and a lot of people will, especially if they're going overseas, be packing up all their liquids, gels and aerosols in their 100ml containers, putting them in a plastic bag. And their lithium batteries. Yes, and putting them in your carry-on, taking your laptops out.

Yes. And your belts. Yes. And then in Auckland, leave your shoes on, but in Christchurch, take those same shoes off even though you didn't do it in Auckland. And even though they're canvas. And it's the same machines. Here we go.

This is a Chuck Taylor. Why do I have to take it off? I could be hiding drugs on my ankles. Here we go. Just be consistent is all I ask. It's just that I've double nodded them, you know, and that's annoying. Just be consistent. What?

You. Is it not too much to ask to have the same rules at every airport? Apparently it is. I mean, maybe it is. Apparently be consistent. What? You. Is it not too much to ask to have the same rules at every airport? Apparently it is. I mean, maybe it is. Apparently it is. Well, in the UK by summer, every major airport will no longer require you to take your laptops out of your bags. Thank God.

In fact, you'll just be able to chuck your bags on the conveyor belt and in the trays, empty your pockets and walk straight through because they will be increasing the limits on liquid rules. You'll be able to take two litres of water and... Shoot, that's a big jump. Brand new CT

scanners. From 100ml to 2 litres. 2,000ml. Yeah. That's ridiculous. Isn't that insane? Because they've got new CT scanners that will use X-ray technology to provide a 3D image of what's in the bag. When it's all on top of each other.

Yeah, but then does that differentiate like a two-litre bottle of water or mouthwash or like... Two litres of... Petrol. Petrol that you're going to use to explode. Yeah. Does that do that? Surely.

Surely. Surely. Surely. Also, last time I was in Australia, it was really busy in the security area, and I was pulling up my laptop, and he was like, no, don't bother. And I just chucked it in the thingy. I was like, this is glorious.

And I was telling everyone. I've always wondered why you need to get your laptop out. Yeah, because surely it sees it, right? Because it x-rays it, right? Yeah, because it x-rays it. But maybe if it's sitting on top of something else, it can be confusing. There's too much.

Maybe because there's so many layers in a laptop anyway. You see the speakers and when you see your laptop go through, you're always like, wow. I know I love seeing things x-rayed. It's kind of cool. Yeah. But yeah, so quite amazing. Yeah, by next summer,

and this is kind of the way that airports are going, a lot of airports are introducing these new scanners that will mean you can leave stuff in your bags. But then if you're travelling from a major UK airport

with two litres of water and then you fly into some rinky-dink airport and you're coming home and they've still got the 100 mils thing. Yeah, that's the issue. That's the issue, isn't it?

You also don't really need to take water onto a plane because they'll fill up your bottle on there. Oh, no, but isn't that poo water? It's man quarter. Straight from the toilet. Yeah, it is. They go to the toilet and they scoop it out. I will never drink water on a plane again.

I'm sticking straight to booze then. Yeah, yeah. It's the only choice for me. I'll dehydrate myself to save myself. But yeah, I'm looking forward to the day where we don't have to worry about, you know. Another bourbon, please. Sir, you should drink some water.

I will not drink your toilet water. We touched briefly before, and we mentioned this yesterday, the top three busiest days for Auckland Airport. To give you an idea of how busy airports are going to be domestically, arrivals, the busiest day will be Friday the 23rd of December, the 16th, and Thursday the 22nd of December, 1, 2, 3. Everyone finishing work and heading off.

Departures, the busiest day is Friday, December 23, December 16, number two. That's a Friday as well. That's today. Yeah, it is. Yeah, so the second busiest day at Auckland Airport today domestically. And departures, the third busiest day, Thursday, December 22. So the second busiest day at Auckland Airport today domestically and departures the third busiest day Thursday, December 22. So next Thursday. So I'm the 24th.

See, the 24th isn't on the list, but it could be like four, four or five. I am going to absolutely hit the Kuru Club. I'm going to hit it real hard, even though my flight's at 9am. Oh, shit. You just wait. Corks will be popping. When the doors open. Yeah.

Aaron loves it. You're going to get yourself banned from the Work Caroo Club membership if you keep this up. And you're not allowed to take the bottles. What? But they put those little reusable caps on them. I know. I mean, if it's already open. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

As of today, YouTube has announced it's a new feature. So it'll basically let you know if you're being a dick. Okay. So if you go into the YouTube comments and you want to be like, not with a face like that. Hashtag ugly. Yeah. Not speaking from experience or anything. Real ugly. Yeah. Not speaking from experience or anything.

I was going to say, you pulled that one out real quick. Yeah. It'll ping you and be like, hey, that's abusive. You're an arsehole. Do Instagram do that? Someone does it because I remember writing a comment and it wasn't rude. I think I was just joking with friends. Yeah, maybe it was Instagram.

And they said, oh, wait, you might want to check your tone there. Check yourself. I think it was just joking with friends. Yeah, maybe it was Instagram. And they said, oh, wait, you might want to check your... Hey, you're being mean, man. Check your tone. Yeah, check your tone there. Check yourself. I think it was Instagram. That was a while ago. Well, yeah, it's basically, they base it on their website's community guidelines,

so it can't be racist, sexist, whatever, any kind of ist. Yeah. And if it is, it'll say, no, you can't post that. And then they'll put a bloody muzzle on you for 24 hours. Oh, that's a little time out. Which is good, man. There's some comments. I don't ever think I've left a YouTube comment.

I know people do. Yeah. Like I'll comment on friends posts on Instagram or Facebook or whatever, but I don't even comment on Facebook posts on news stories, anything. I'm going to go and see. I haven't posted anything on YouTube for a long time because you know what? I've been busy and I'm old, but what have I got? Any comments?

Well, this is like desperate, isn't it? Me sort of looking to see if anyone cares. Yeah. Oh no, just nice things. You're so funny, you're so beautiful. That's nice. Holy moly. We were talking about like negative comments.

Holy moly, look. Are you just trying to like... There's a lot of dead ass, dead ass, dead ass. Right, yeah, there would be. That's nice stuff. But yeah, I mean, comments are terrible on social media. Oh my, yeah, I just... When I see a post, I'm like, these comments,

I know they'll be bad. I'm like, should I have a look? Okay, I'll just have a look just to see how bad it is. We need to put this on news websites. I know. Because it's so bad. People are just living in this alternative reality. It's bad.

There's one, I made a video for promoting a show I did and I'm wearing a top saying free the nip and at the end I'm naked and I've blurred out my bits. Comments, love your striking body at 140. Next comment, please make more music, I will. And then the next comment, now if only I had some clever depixelating software. Come on. You might have guessed at least one perv bloke would say

that, your boobs aside it's a travesty, you don't have a F tonne of subscribers I always look forward to the funny stuff you post that's pretty harmless yeah, it's kind of like a compliment but also like pervy, yeah it's sort of wrapped in a little perv.

A pervlement. A perv banker. A pervlement. A pervlement. That's good, actually. That's a good turn. Yeah. Yeah.

That could be word of the year next year. It could be, yeah. I reckon you start it. A pervlement. Get it out there. Okay. Yeah. A pervy compliment.

Yeah. A pervlement. Yeah. And you're like, oh, wait. Respectfully. Respectfully. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Respectfully. Great rant. And then A perflement. Yeah. And you're like, oh, wait. Respectfully. Respectfully. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Respectfully. Great rant. And then pervy comment. Yeah. Which is just pervy and disrespectful. Yeah. But you've said respectfully. Yeah, so you've covered yourself. So there is some respect.

You can go up to a woman and be like, ba-doink, ba-doink, ba-doink. Respectfully. Respectfully. I don't know if you get it. Because then even if you've been disrespectful, the respectfully has, because it's counter. It's not just being respectful, it's respectfully.

Okay. It counters it, so at least you're back to where you started. That's a perfect one. Yeah, it erases that. Okay. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Bonjour. Bonjour. the top six. Hello there.

Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. Comment ça va? Auckland Airport has some new officers who watch for suspicious passengers. The BDOs, the behavioral detection officers. They stand in a crowd of passengers and look for signs for people who are up to no good.

I like this part of the story. They're there to, as you say, look for suspicious people. And then they say that they get out their iPad and run a checklist. That's not very inconspicuous, is it? A checklist? No, but if they look like your mum Mum's always whipping out an iPad

Let me check what time we were trying to take a photo. Mums are always whipping out an iPad. Yeah, but like, just let me check out, let me check what time we were supposed to depart, Ian, and she'll get out the iPad. Take the flap off. Yep. Yep.

It's always got a cover. Always got a cover. Yeah, and the flap kind of hangs down. It would be a fool not to have a cover on an iPad. It's a big screen. Oh, yeah,

you don't want to scratch that. See, they're looking for like little suspicious, like, I don't know, sweaty palms, sweaty faces. Fake moustaches and big trench coats. Yes, yes. So they have intercepted a significant amount of criminal behaviour. The record so far of people, the record of the person they've caught with the most credit cards,

55 credit cards on one person. 55? Were they just walking I mean, if I had 55 credit cards, false credit cards, I'd be like a little bit nervous. They probably had them all in one wallet and it was just a very thick wallet. We're like someone with a very thick wallet. And this is part of AvSec.

Could they just use these people to open up that lane that's not open at the airport screening? It'd be great to get some people behind that. They could. Wouldn't it? So far, we've recovered $1.5 million worth of stolen New Zealand currency trying to leave New Zealand. Oh, wow. This is cool.

Yeah. How do you know? They weren't anywhere. I don't know. Because, I mean, every time I get cash out, I write my name on it. Because the dogs don't sniff you on the way out They only The cash sniffing dogs

Sniff you on the way in Right They work anywhere And everywhere At the airport Except for the bathrooms And could be stationed At check-in

Aviation security Or custom control For example It's pretty insane At the airport Because we did a Like behind the scenes tour Yeah

And as soon as you drive in Like pretty much Where all the shops are, right? You are in this intense network of cameras that can literally read in and see the words on your book that you're reading on your chair. Oh my God, but I'm reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Well, they're reading it too.

And they can click on your face and be like, follow. And then the cameras will just kind of follow you through the airport. I want to know if I've been followed. Or perhaps if you're acting in a suspicious manner, you have. But here's the top six ways not to look sus at the airport. Okay.

Number six, always wear sunglasses. Yes. They can't see your eyes. They can't see that they're suspicious looking eyes. Yeah. Always wear sunglasses. Number five on the list of the top six ways not to look sus at the airport.

Walk like a cowboy with a wide leg. It's just a casual walk. Well, no one's cooler than a cowboy. And no one thinks cowboys are suspicious. They just think they're good fellas. They're trying to make a living in the dusty old west.

Fair call. Number four on the list of the top six ways not to look sus at the airport. If you can't wear sunglasses, open your eyes as wide as possible and stare at everybody

just to let them know you're cool but keep your face completely emotionless. Don't blink. So look like you're on meth? No, just alert and cool. So you kind of also look like maybe you're on meth? No, I just alert and cool.

So you kind of also look like maybe you're one of these behavioural detection officers. Oh, yeah, okay, yeah, right. Because you're out to detect. I want to try and find one of these. I'm going to look for everyone that has an iPad.

I'm going to be like, huh, suspicious. Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six ways not to look sus at the airport. Really haul it through the airport. Just short of a run. That shows everyone you're just keen to get on that plane or get

home. That's me. Every time I get off the plane, I'm like, boom, I'm straight out of here. Yeah. Mincing. I wouldn't, I would have said it's more like a glide than a mince. It's a glide. It's a big glide. A big glide. It's a speedy mince. It's a very quick mince. It's a speedy glide. I wouldn't say it's a speedy mince.

Well, no, I think a speedy mince, when a speedy mince gets to a certain speed, it becomes a glide. Yeah, right, okay. Yeah, I mean, you can glide at low speeds, but a speedy mince and a medium glide are about the same. Okay. And then there's a quick glide. But are you saying that's not suspicious, though,

is it, a speedy mince? Run, no, no, no. A run, no. If someone's run, but then I could be missing my flight. Yeah, if you're running to a... That would never happen, by the way, because I'm always very early. Very early. And I run for no man.

Vaughan Smith, we need you on the plane. What do they say? The unloading process has begun. The offloading. Yeah, right. I'm just going to grab two more scones and I'll go on my way. I'm just going to finish this wine. Calm down.

You're not going anywhere. Number two on the list of the top six ways not to look sus at the airport. Duck into the toilets a lot. Just in and out, in and out. Just let everybody know you're urinating often. Yeah, great. Because that's normal. Because you're very well hydrated and that's completely normal to be nipping in and out of the toilets.

Not checking, you know, that the thing's still up your bum. Just not at all. Just weeing. And number one on the list of the top six ways not to look sus of the toilets. Not checking, you know, that the thing's still up your bum. Just not at all. Just weighing. And number one on the list of the top six ways not to look sus at the airport. Long coat, wide-broomed hat, German accent. Duh. You wouldn't look at all suspicious. Not at all suspicious.

I'm just looking at some magazines. What on earth do you mean? That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch for the nightly. What on earth do you mean? That is the nice talk show. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Well, today's Silly Little Pole is are you a good gift giver? I'm a very good gift giver. Tell me, run me through your process of how you give a good gift.

I just listen throughout the year and go. Do a select a few? So yeah I'd go like Bestie, Aaron, Mum and Dad I'd listen Co-workers No we're not doing gifts

Oh I've been listening so much throughout the year What are you getting me? New electrical wires Thank you so much You're paying for the electrician You're rewiring

my 144 year old house? Yes You're nuts for the electrician. You're rewiring my 144-year-old house? Yes. You're nuts. Oh, my God. I was going to get a bottle of Rufino Prosecco. Oh, my God. You guys know me so well. See, just as good.

Just as good. Yes. Just as good. Booze is always safe. With you? With lots of people. What if someone's struggling with their drinking? I don't think booze is a safe...

Someone's a recovering alcoholic. Yeah. That's is a safe option. Someone's a recovering alcoholic. Yeah. That's not a safe option. That's not a safe option. Did you get a bloody gin in your... No, I'm kidding. No, I am kidding. But I just listen.

I listen during the year and I think, oh, that's a bit of... That's a bit of them. I don't know. I just feel like I know people. Yeah. Okay. I've been dropping retractable hoes a lot lately at home. Sorry?

A retractable hose. What? I've been talking about a retractable hose. lot lately at home. Sorry? A retractable hose. I've been talking about a retractable hose. I did say hose. A garden hoe. Oh, no, no. I said hose as in H-O-S-E. A water hose. A garden hose. I thought you were meaning it in the sort of ludicrous sense. Oh, like I've got hose

in a different area. Like you're driving along and you just push someone out of your car. What? That you've been hooking up with. Is that what you mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. Who's pushing hoes out of their car? Was that what Ludacris was doing? Well, he was dropping them somewhere.

I don't know where he was dropping them out of. He's not taking them home for Christmas. He's not taking them home to meet mom. Why dropping them off meant he was just dropping them home? He wasn't just pushing them out of a moving vehicle. Well, sometimes he just slowed down to quite a crawl. Oh, Ludicrous. Naughty boy.

Do you think you're a good gift giver? 67% of people said yes. 33% said not really. Christy Jess says, I am because I ask what they want and I always get the updated or newest version out at the time. Oh my God.

Do you know how much a retractable hose is? Dude, retractable hoses aren't cheap. How much? I don't need one of the big ones. I don't need a Gardenia. I don't need a bougie break-in. So Gardenia looks like the top of the range.

$399. For a hose? For a 20 or 30 metre retractable hose. You can get like a retractable one on the market for $69. Nice. How long is that though? Or a trade tested 189. How long?

How long do you need? Well, no, because sometimes I want a 30 metre retractable hose. Well, you're not on the fire service. Calm down. This is a very insufficient hose. It's a 12 mil hose, mate. You're not fighting a fire with a 12 mil hose. What are you running up eight flights of stairs in an apartment to fight a fire?

Calm down, Vaughn. And then get out there and realise you didn't turn it on, so you've got to go all the way back down. You're literally watering rhododendrons. Calm down. Yeah, no, but that's the thing. I want to be able to hose for every corner of the property. You need more taps.

That's on you. Are they kink-free? I've got a kink-free. Don't kink, Shane. I know, but I bought a kink-free. I did too, and do you know what but I bought a kink-free. I did too. And do you know what it did? It kinks more than ever.

It's dumb and then it cracked on where it kinked. It cracked. It's trying so hard to be kink-free. They're trying to spice up their life. Just embrace the kink. Yeah, just embrace. Just embrace being kinked. Because you're like, okay, I've turned the tap on,

but there doesn't seem to be any water coming out. And then you go, there it is. It's the kink. You kinky hose. It's the crazy little kink. Greer says, I'm actually the best. I nail it every time. It's probably because I'm nosy.

So I listen to people like all the time. So I end up knowing what they like. There you go. Kim, Coach Kim says, it's my love language, but I always go into debt trying to give awesome gifts. Don't do that. So this year I'm trying to rein it in. Yep. But it feels lame. No, give awesome gifts. Don't do that. So this year I'm trying to rein it in. Yep. But it feels lame.

No, no, no, don't do it. Cook some Russian fudge and put it in some cellophane. Oh, my God, yum. That's what my mum does every Christmas for her friends. Cooks up a beautiful batch of Russian fudge. Your mum's fudge won't be better than James' mum's fudge. I've had James' mum's fudge. Great fudge.

It's great fudge. Not as good as Patsy's. I'm willing to fudge test both their mums. I'll get mum to send you some Russian fudge. What about a fudge? And then you tell James' mum I'm ready for her fudge. James' mum's fudge was so sweet though my teeth hurt. Yeah, it's so good.

Oh, I can't do that. No, but it's creamy. It's like you've never had a fudge like this. It was good fudge. So it's not grainy like sugar, it's creamy like... She's famous for this fudge. Okay, she's a fudge. She's famous. She's famously fudge. She a fudge like this. It was good fudge. So it's not grainy like sugar. It's creamy like... She's famous for this fudge. Okay, she's a fudge. She's famous.

She's famously fudge. She's fudge famous. Okay. Samantha says, I don't give gifts unless I can do... Think of the perfect thing. So some years, no one gets a present. Some years, just one person will get a present.

Other years, everybody has been given the exact same present in different colours. Right. Oh, yeah, that's good. Harlow says, I once bought my mum a printer. I think that says enough. Great gift. Jeepers.

You're going to use that? Very practical. Mum will print out her boarding pass. She certainly will, Mum. It's on the phone. Yeah, but you never know. Well, she won that printed in triplicate. Yep.

And you better give your father a copy, even though he won't know where he's put it. Also, you're going to have to set that up. That's like giving someone a gift. Oh, yeah. Speaking of which, I'm going to go to my father-in-law's today to set up his new smartwatch. Is that his Christmas gift? He said, can Vaughan download the app on his phone?

And I just said, pass the phone to me. And I said to him, no, it's no point me having your app on my phone. I was like, what brand is it? And he was like, um, and I was like, you've done it again. He buys these AliExpress brands of smart things. He's like, um, where would I find what

brand it is? I was like, on the box it came in. It came in a box, didn't it? No, it came in like a little plastic sleeve. Yeah. Oh no, good luck with that. Nancy says, I make notes in my phone throughout the year if someone says they like something in particular and then see if they can, and then

I see if they have it by Christmas and if they don't, I'll get it for them. That's good gift giving. Yeah, take notes. Kat says, my love language is actually acts of service not physical gifts. Also, people will forget acts of service easily after they're done. Physical. Physical.

What did I say? Fisticle Fisticle gifts I don't know if I said fisticle That's what you wanted to hear You did Jared can we cut up the audio If I'm saying fisticle please Fisticle gifts

Acts of service Yeah There's some good gift givers out there Play ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley This It will not surprise you that it sparked out there. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. This will not surprise you that it sparked a lot of outrage. There is a gym owner in, I believe, Manchester.

Okay, in the UK. In the UK. And he owns a gym called PT Factory. And like all gyms, they've got to do some advertising. He's chosen the medium of billboards to do it. And now these have been absolutely vandalized, whole pots of paint thrown on it. And I wonder if you can pick why.

Okay. It says there's an image of a girl and she's in a plank position and she's doing a dumbbell row. Okay. Like this, classic. Join us in 2023. PT Factory. And then it says, tired of being fat and ugly?

Now, just be ugly. Gym membership's available for it. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Wow. Okay. Yeah, I can see why those are the headlines. Tired of being fat and ugly. Outrageous.

People are, yeah, very upset. And then he was like, nah, it's just a bit of tongue and cheek. Now, I used to always say tongue and cheek. Tongue and cheek. Tongue and cheek. It's tongue and cheek.

It is tongue and cheek. I'm reading it. Why is it? Because when you make a funny you're like, and then you do that. Maybe. But yeah. It's been like...

It's had lime green paint thrown over it. And someone spray painted over it. This is bad men. What does that say? Maybe we can't read that part. This is bad men? This is bad. This is bad, man. Mint.

Well put. Yeah, it's because they were using black spray paint and they did that thing where they didn't space it out properly. Oh, and then they ran out of space like a kid on a birthday card. I do that in cards still to this day. I'm just like, oh. Yeah, wrapping down. Well, whatever it says, I agree with it. That is a terrible billboard.

Well, yesterday I told you of my financial woes. We offered to lend you some money, Vaughn. And I said I'm too proud to accept your money. You've had your accounts frozen. I just got my accounts frozen because I'd failed to meet the criteria to prove to the bank under new government regulations that I am not a money launderer.

This is bloody Jacinta, isn't it? I knew it. I knew it had to do with her. Yep. And you grew up together. I know. Gosh. Wow.

I think she's jealous of my success. I think she is. And the fact that I'm, you know, universally loved. Yeah. I mean, you'd argue she's had more success. And absolutely profiting from capitalism. Yeah, exactly. I am the crown prince of capitalism.

And the crown prince of Morrinsville. Thank you very much, ma'am. I shall take the title. Ah, no, I just hadn't. I hadn't ticked enough boxes for my company. So I was considered a possible money launderer. I had to prove my existence. Yeah. So I went into a bank. What? I went considered a possible money launderer. I had to prove my existence. Yeah.

So I went into a bank. You said, here I am. I went into a bank. What was that like? There was two people working in the entire bank. Oh, wow. Because I went into one a month, two months ago. They're really sad now, eh?

It's just like, oh. There were iPads, and you could, like, click. One of the options was children's entertainment. Oh, yeah. And I clicked on it, and I watched an episode of Bluey. While you were waiting? Yeah. Fun.

Yeah, Bluey's a bloody great show. I mean, any parent of a young child will tell you that. My kids told me the other day they were a bit old for Bluey. Oh, baby, that's happening. And I said, you're never too old for Bluey. Yeah. Anyway. Now they're going to start watching Sky One at midnight.

Orange. Orange. Was that what Sky Channel was called? Red shoe diaries and the like. Yes. Emmanuel in Paris. Yes. The lens has a very soft focus.

It's stunning. As David Duchovny starts reading a letter. That's for anybody who ever played with themselves in the 90s. So, a little something for you. A little shummy. So, I went in and I had to prove who I was

and it turns out I am still Vaughan Smith. Oh, great. Oh, congratulations. But it turns out the whole banking, my whole banking existence needed to be updated. Right. They still had me listed at my old house, which I moved out of four years ago. But they gave you a mortgage to buy the new place. Yes, correct.

I had this as well. My mail was going to my old address and I was like, but when I bought a house, I assumed you knew that with your money bank. I literally updated my details when we moved. I filled out a form that apparently never got to where it was meant to go to. Right. Then, because it does sound like something you would do. Oh, absolutely.

Fill out, not change your address. Yeah, no, absolutely it does. But no, for my business, my accountant told me this was the checklist of moving homes. Yeah, right. We've got the same accountant. She's a lot fastidious. Yeah. She's incredible.

We're not telling you who she is because we don't want you taking up all of her time. We've got the same accountant. She's a lot fastidious. She's incredible. We're not telling you who she is because we don't want you taking up all of her time because we've got questions to ask. She doesn't let me get away with anything. Bourne's a money launderer. I'm a money launderer

so I need all of her attention. So then I said, she said, I'll just check that the email address I've got is right. And it is an email address I've never had. It's a mix of two email addresses that

I have. Was it like sex underscore B, sex underscore C underscore baby? Yes, it was. Hamilton Roxy baby. Hamilton Roxy baby underscore 81. Hamilton blonde Roxy baby angel. 69.

At yahoo.co.nz. I said, who put that email address in? And the lady at the bank said,.nz. I said, who put that email address in? And the lady at the bank said, you must have. I said, no, I would never have put that in because I've never had that as an email address. And she said, oh, okay. And I said, can you check? She's like, oh, it was entered when someone was taking information from your other account. And I was like, well, they've messed it up.

Yeah. And I said, how long has it been like that for? She said, 2013 when you started your company And I was like, well, they've messed it up. Yeah. And I said, how long has it been like that for? She said 2013 when you started your company. I was like, cool. Wait, how much correspondence have you missed out on? I don't know. But VaughnSmith at gmail.com has been getting it all, which is an email address I do not have and I don't have

because I tried to get it and even back then in the day it was already taken. You should email this Vaughn Smith fella. He's probably already got too much information. Yeah. And then we'll get chatting, and he'll be like, by the way, what was your mum's name before she got married? And then I'll be like, how lovely of you to ask, Vaughan Smith,

and I'll tell him. I thought you were going to ask if you wanted to hook up, just because you could hook up with someone with the same name. Nah, yeah. I've Googled a few Vaughan Smiths, and no offence, but they're not my... They're not hot. There's a real minger Hayley Sproul over in the UK. Is there?

Yeah. There's like four or five Vaughan Smiths in New Zealand. Would you hook up with a hot Hayley Sproul? Would you hook up with another... If there was a tall brunette Hayley Sproul who was a Christchurch Les Mills 10 out of 10, 100% I'd go there. There's a Vaughan Smith who conducts search and rescue. He's a police officer.

He specialises in sort of like Mount Taranaki and that national park. He's alright. There's a couple of other Vaughan Smiths around. One doesn't spell his name right so of course I'd never hook up with him. Oh my god, how embarrassing. And I'm also...

I'm also married and purely heterosexual at this stage. The bank put in an email address that doesn't even exist. Yeah. And that's why they shut your accounts, because you weren't responding. The phone number was my wife's phone number, which I don't know where they got that from. The address was my old address.

There was a whole situation. Anyway, it's all sorted now. And I believe I have access to my laundered funds. I mean, thanks. Your clean money back in the system. Yeah. I'll try to transfer you $1. Oh, put a zero on.

No, actually, you know what? I'll just test that later. I'll save myself the dollar. I'm not getting that dollar back. Am I? I think you can just do one cent. Can you? Just do one cent.

That's one way to look dodgy. Yeah. I finally get access to my bank accounts back and I start transferring one cent. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. There is a theory circulating on the talk. Is that what we're calling it? The talk?

If you want, yeah. This is TikTok. Hey, big announcement. Karween, our social media queen, said she's over the TikTok. And now she is our Gen Z representative on this show. This is, oh, no, no, no, no. You've missed, this is what Gen Z says. They say they're over things

when they're feeling a slight guilt about overindulging in something and then they're back into it the next day. She's back into it. Karwin, why are you done with the talk? She's not done with the talk. Look at that face. I told you.

How much did you spend on the talk yesterday? Don't ask me that before I've checked Rough estimate I'm going to say two to three hours This is someone with a nine to twelve hour screen time daily Yeah, I love it How did I get to yesterday? Oh God, what's today?

It's like seven o'clock in the morning I don't want to say this out loud. Say it. You don't have to. How many hours? Let's just say it was my top used app yesterday. Was it? How many hours?

Does it say the hours? More than one hour. You said to me yesterday, though, that you were over it. TikTok's done. But now it's just like a bit of a habit, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. That's how they get you. It's addiction.

Anyway, well, you might have seen this, considering how much time you spent on TikTok yesterday. People sharing the fact that you get drunker quicker when you drink your spirit of choice with a diet soda rather than a regular soda. So like a rum and cola or a, you know, vodka, lemon and lemonade. Right. Yeah.

And so people are going like, oh my God, like it's so much busier. It's like a cheap way to get drunk faster. Because it's diet. Because it's diet Coke. And to me, I'm like, oh yeah, that makes sense. And a doctor confirmed my theory. So I'm basically really smart and a doctor. It's because.

That makes sense. The sugar in regular Coke is calories and carbohydrates. And because Diet Coke has sugar alcohols, they digest faster in your stomach. Whereas with a sugar in regular soda, that takes ages because it's got calories and carbohydrates in it. So it goes through more slowly in your small intestine. So it's basically like drinking on an empty stomach or a full stomach.

Does that make sense? Yeah. So when you've got a diet soda, it's like it's basically just having the liquor. Right. Because the rest of it just goes through your system. That's why when you have sweeteners or like, you know, sugar alcohols, you want to poop yourself because it moves so quickly through your body.

Yeah, the next morning's never pleasant, is it? No, it's not. No. So if you're, I don't know, if you're looking for a shortcut or if you want to avoid getting too drunk too quickly, you've got to think about whether you want a diet soda or a regular soda. What about if you just have soda water? That's just water.

That's just water with bubbles in it. That's just water with air in it. Because I do love a fizzy water with me vodkas and me gins. And your gins, yeah. Yeah. All right, we'll bear that in mind. Or just eat food. You're a big one for eating a good meal.

I know, if I don't eat food before. Oh, I know, I'm a disaster. A literal disaster. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Okay, okay. Oh. Clinical psychologist Dr. Laurie Brotto is the author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness,

a guide to cultivating desire. Think about it and then do it. She has a little tip that involves food for sexiness. So you might be thinking, you know, your oysters, Yeah. Your dark chocolates for a lot of the hot curry. Yep. Aphrodisiac. Yes, aphrodisiac. Ginger kisses.

Oh, I beg your pardon? I beg your pardon? That's not an aphrodisiac. They get me going. They get you going. I love a ginger kiss. I guess they are. Yeah.

Could eat a whole pack. Now, is that a kiss from a ginger or a ginger kiss? I'm a ginger now. Can I give ginger kisses? You can give little ginger kisses. So she's saying the secret is raisins. But not for the reason you think. Because, you know, how do you eat raisins?

If you were given a bag of raisins or sultanas. Okay, say sultanas. Would sultanas work for this? Yeah, you'd put them in a baking. Yeah. Or some kind of. I have sultanas in my breakfast every morning. I would tip it out into my hand and go like that.

Yeah, same. That's what she's saying. Raisins are sultanas. It's not the raisin or the sultana. It's the fact that you pour a whole lot into your hand and then just gob them. Or use M&M's.

And you don't think about it. Use M&M's. Exactly. You could use M&M's. What's this got to do with sex? Because she said, this was an experiment she ran. She said,

okay, she put one raisin in their hands and then said, I don't want you to just gobble that up. I want you to take a little that up. I want you to take a little nibble. I want you to smell the raisin. I want you to pay attention to the raisin.

I want you to put it between your lips. I want you to run it around your mouth. I want you to, like, take a bite. Let it sit in the mouth. Juicy. Take all the flavors. They're not juicy, though. Right. Let it sit in the mouth. Juicy. Take all the juices. They're not juicy though. They're raisins.

Then swallow it. Yep. And she said, what you've just done is paid intense attention to something that you usually just don't even think about. Yeah, right. Does the raisin represent something? Well, paying attention to all the small bits that you usually rush through, she said. And then afterwards, she asked them more questions about their sexual desires. Right.

And everything was a little bit heightened. Because things that they'd taken for granted, that slowed it down. That turned a razor. That enjoyed it. That turned a razor. No, they hadn't turned it. That slowed down. Save it, a razor.

Save it, a razor. Yeah, right. So you could do that with any food. I wish Jeff it. Save it, erase it. Yeah, right. So you could do that with any food. I wish Jeff Goldblum was telling us this. Yeah. It would sound great. Take a little nibble on the raisin.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Wow. But yeah, so you... Could you do it with any food? Like a mall... What about a mall curry? I don't think so. I mean, you do it with any food? Like a maul? What about a maul curry? I don't think so. I mean, you do just gobble. Maybe a little bit of, no.

Dip it in slowly. It's about taking something that you usually eat, a lot of at once, and appreciating one of it intensely. Ah, so M&M's. M&M's, but M&M's don't have a lot. They don't have a smell, they're smooth What about a finger of Kit Kat?

A finger A single finger of Kit Kat Or a single biscuit Maybe a knuckle of Kit Kat Yes Maybe a single Cookie time Christmas cookie The small ones

You're just gobbling those up. You're going to sniff it. Break it open and smell the little apricot. Lick it. It's about getting all of the senses involved in this sort of thing. And then she says, how do you feel afterwards? And ask them about it. All right.

And they said, oh yes, I can see all these translations. Okay. Into the boudoir. You have to buy a bloody 12 pack of raisins. Sunmade. Sunmade raisins. Even if it doesn't end up being good sex afterwards, you can just blow the whistle.

Yeah, blow the box. The box, you know? Yeah, toot the box. Do they still make great whistles? So there was a time there in the early 2000s where you couldn't make one whistle, but then... Right. I've made one whistle semi-recently.

But you wouldn't even have that in a school lunchbox anymore, right? You'd just have chippies, right? No, you'd still rock. I feel like that'd be a dud lunchbox edition. I think people still rock raisins. Do they? How bad do raisins suck, eh?

I love them. I love them. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. More financial pain on the way. The reserve bank is rising. The short-cutting inflation has pushed the reserve. Cost of living.

Cost of living crisis. And the recession is inevitable. The official Fletchbourne and Hayley Ice Cream Index. All right, well, we're searching for the biggest, best ice creams in the country. And is this today the last day? I believe so. I believe so. Is it Friday today?

Yes. And then next week, we'll have it all online, a map with all the best and biggest. Yep. Amazing. So wherever you are this Christmas slash New Year holiday period, you'll be able to find the best ice cream. Yeah. You're welcome. There was a controversy yesterday, wasn't there, when we opened up the phone lines for Auckland.

Correct. And we had dozens of texts and calls, including Roxy, voting for Pukenor. That's saying that it is just absolutely the best. They do a 12 scoop. They do a 12 scoop. Yeah, they do a 12 scoop. That's insane. Insane.

But that falls under the jurisdiction of the Waikato. So, unfortunately, we were very rude to Roxy. Told her to call back today. Well, we weren't. So, I don't know if she will even call back. I was rude to Roxy. She wouldn't back down immediately. You told her to shut up. I did tell her to call back today. Well, we weren't. So I don't know if she will even call back. I was Ruta Roxy. She wouldn't back down immediately. You told her to shut up.

I did tell her to shut up. You said the boundary line is at the top of the Bombays. Yes, there is. There's no room for Pocono in Auckland. No, it's not. It's part of the Waikato. I reckon the Waikato's got the biggest ice creams of any region. Okay, well, should we delve into first the Waikato?

Yes. You'd like to? Yes, please. Somebody said Wagon Wheel, Morrinsville. It's the go-to place for a Saturday sports massive scoops. Do you know this place? I do. Growing up, it was the place to get an ice cream.

A 50 cent ice cream was pretty much two and a half scoops. A 50 cent, was that in the 1960s? No, it was in the 1990s. I don't think they knew. And then I think it changed owners at one stage and it maybe lost a little bit of its ice cream bravado. But I believe now it's got it back. It's got fried chicken and bakery and stuff.

It's a one-stop shop. It does takeaways. It does bakery. It does ice creams. It does everything. They do these things, double D's. They're delicious. Yeah, it's great. If you're passing through Morrinsville, stop and have a photo with a cow. Just to do my bit here for hometown tourism. Yeah're delicious. Yeah, it's great. If you're passing through Morrinsville, stop and have a photo with a cow. Just to do my bit here for hometown tourism.

Yeah, no, because everyone needs it, doesn't it? And they're, well... I've never been to Morrinsville. It's doing quite well for itself. You don't need to. You do, you definitely do. It's got a huge cow and then 43 smaller cows. I see the cow.

It's not that big. You've seen bigger, have you, than a six-metre tall fibreglass cow? Okay, I must be looking at a small fibreglass cow. You're looking at one of the standard cows. Yeah. So, yeah, there you go. The Wagon Wheel cow. You're looking at one of the standard cows. Yeah. So, yeah, there you go. The Wagon Wheel of Morons will apparently still be the place to go to.

Now, Mutta Mutta's Challenge Service Station. What? A challenge? A challenge. Rolls your own ice creams. They said, huge. Huge ice creams. Huge.

At the Challenge Service Station. That's the one on the corner there out on Tower Road, I believe. Lots of those don't exist, eh? Like, there were heaps of them. Challenge. Yeah, now there aren't that many. Yeah.

Challenge was part of Caltex. Was it? I think so. Look at you knowing your fuel companies. Well, it was because my dad had a company fuel card. Oh, yeah. You could use it at Caltex or it was a Caltex card, but you could use it at Challenge. So you're still on

your parents' health insurance. Yeah. They pay your phone and they gave you a fuel card. Yeah. Wow. Do you still have the fuel card? Any more questions? No, I don't have the fuel card. He's retired. Right. So I lost the fuel card. But you're still getting the phone and the health insurance. Yeah.

Ah, yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Daddy. Yeah. More. Okay. Thank you, daddy. Yeah. More reports of Pocono. Someone said they actually got a 16 scoop ice cream from Pocono. Oh, what? How? That's not on a cone, right?

It is. It's on a double cone. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So eight on each side. That is on a hot day. That's maniacal. You couldn't even finish that. That's ridiculous.

More reports saying it's one of Matamata's best kept secrets. The challenge does a huge rolled ice cream. Okay, well there you go. So there you go. If you're passing through Matamata, maybe you're doing Hobbiton. Yeah. Or just passing through. It's a very.

Matamata's beautiful. I love Matamata. You've been to Matamata, but you haven't been to Moran's. Yeah, whenever I go to the mountain, I always take the Matamata route and not the LMP route. Oh my god, like, Pocono ice creams is like the stuff of legend.

Oh my god. It's nuts. If you Google it, there's one, two, three. There's two right next to each other and they're constantly playing a game of one up. You're just counting the levels of that ice cream. That's 18, yeah. So that's nine on each side. That's nine each side.

How do they even balance that? I mean, that's a work of art. It's taller than that guy's face. I know. Like, how many of these get dropped in the car park? Look at their signs. They encourage it. Oh, my God. The seven scoop, the six scoop, the four scoop.

This is cool. I couldn't eat that much. And I can eat a lot. Someone wants to know if Kootenai counts. Now that is up the Coromandel Peninsula. Can we cover the Coromandel? That's the last day. We don't want to miss out.

I might chuck it on because somebody said they're a Waikato kid and they used to go to the Kootenai store massive. I actually asked for a paper plate because I was worried I was going to drop it on the way out. A paper plate? A paper plate. So there's I was going to drop it on the way out. A paper plate? A paper plate. So, yeah, there's a few.

I think every small town in the Waikato has one place that does insanely large ice creams. Somebody also messaged in saying, please let Hayley know the olives have been restocked. Thank you, Hitton. Oh, that's your dairy. That's fantastic. That's your dairy. That's good. All right.

Oh, we've got it perfect. It's Friday. That's your dairy. That's good. All right. Oh, we've got it perfect. It's Friday. Martini day. Martinis. Yeah. Oh, there's another one. Yeah. Yeah.

Now we do. Two ice cream reports. We do have the Otago and Gizzy to get to Vaughan if we could crack a. Oh, rightio. Crack and bloody move on here. Crack into that. Rob Roy dairy in Otago. Hamden on the spot.

Dundas Corner Dairy. Patties and Cream and Jumbo Dairy from Dunedin. Yeah. Those are the reports. Rob Roy Dairy does a good ice cream. Yeah, I've had an ice cream at the Rob Roy Dairy. The Okito Store in Gizzy. T. Hapata Store in Gizzy.

And Captain Morgan's. Not just a rum. It turns out they roll rolling ice cream as well. Are they in breach of the liquor? I don't know. Imagine a Captain Morgan's and raisin. Rum and raisin. At Captain Morgan's.

At Captain Morgan's, yeah. The Mahia Beach store and the Tolaga Bay Dairy apparently also do. I just don't think Gizzy and the East Cape would do you wrong. I just don't think Gizzy and the East Cape would do you wrong. You just wouldn't last in the cutthroat world of massive ice creams if you weren't dishing them out on the East Coast.

Any more honorary mentions coming in on SMS? Let me check the SMS. I would like yesterday you said Kawakawa and then referred to Kawakawa up north when you meant Kawakawa Bay. It's a dairy with scoop ice cream.

It's in South Auckland out past Clevedon. It's the quaintest looking little beachside dairy. Yesterday you confused it with Kawakawa in the north and the locals are pissed. Oh, sorry. Oh, my goodness. Sorry, Kawakawa. Kawakawa Bay. Kawakawa Bay.

Not to be confused with Kawakawa. Yeah. Can we, so it's Kawakawa Bay. Last time I was out there you couldn't collect shellfish because there was poos. There's poos all over the beach. There's always poos. Oh, this looks like a bloody great dairy. You know, like classic beach dairy.

Good, good. So it's on the list. Good, okay, you'll make the list. Apologies, add you to the list. We'll get that collated next week and let you know how you can get a hold of this list. What an epic map we've created. Yeah, we really have. You're going to have to print it out

and stick it in your car for your summer roadie. What if you've only got a black and white printer? That's okay. Oh, it's going to be quite vibrant though. It's going to be so vibrant. It's going to be so cool. Maybe find someone, maybe use a work colour printer. Get yourself to warehouse stationery,

print it off. Well, laminate it while you're there too, because if you spill ice cream on plain paper, it might run. Now there's some ideas. Had a school prize giving yesterday for the girls. Went in the morning, August got a prize for communication. One of the Cs. Takes after her dad? She takes after dad, doesn, August got a prize for communication. Oh, takes after her dad?

She takes after dad, doesn't she? She's got a communication. She takes after dad, doesn't she? Well, she's taking after her father, doesn't she? So she got that very proud of her for her hard work. Yeah. Good kid, great report, very proud. And then in the afternoon was indy's

prize giving indy wasn't getting a prize yeah but we went along because she was doing like a little performance yes okay she's you know is it though and um one of her one of her best friends won like the overall best student for the year prize and her dad and the her friend's dad did this amazing huckerka when his daughter was up on stage. And it was moving, man. I got goosebumps. And there were people welling up with tears. It was such an emotional thing. It was beautiful. And we

got home and I was like, you must be so proud of Layla, her friend. And I said, and what her dad did was so beautiful. Like, wow. And she said, yeah, what would you have done if I'd won that dumb orphan's voice that you and Hayley have been doing. Why has she got against your little orphans? I don't even know.

Haven't we been through enough? We're orphans for Christ's sake. She's been a bloody bully. She's got both of her parents. I've got none of mine. Mine died in a tragic fire. Oh, mine died in a tragic fire. Mine died in a submarine accident.

They were heroes. Oh, they were just doing their best to sink German U-boats. What a burn. I know. What a burn for a 11-year-old. A 10. A 10-year-old. What would you have done if I'd won that dumb orphan's voice you and Hayley do? And I said to her, well, you didn't win any awards, did you?

So I guess we'll never know. What? What? And August is just, our youngest is just sitting there being like, oh, it's on. That wasn't very nice, Mrs Smith. You know, like, it wasn't very nice of anybody. I think at this time of year we've got to take a step back, you know, and realise we're lucky to have family.

I know. What's that? Christmas spirits, though? Yeah, Easter blessings. Oh, no, Mr Fletcher. Mr Fletcher. We're playing a Christmas song soon, orphans. A Christmas song, you say?

Yes. Will it be enough to get Santa's sleigh airborne? I think it will. Shall we sing to see? Silent night. Sing along, Mr Fletcher. Come on, Mr Fletcher. Holy night.

Mr Fletcher. It's working. All is calm. I can't feel a word. He's got the spittoon. Mr Fletcher. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

I'm sweaty. We've been dancing. We've been acting. We've been doing a lot. The show's derailed and now we're back on track with a viral tweet from a woman named Eleanor. Back on track. Okay, stop.

You can't say the same thing about the runaway train that killed my parents. And sent me out of the orphanage, can you? Oh my God, why are we doing another week on here? We should have finished today. We should have finished today like everyone else. It was me, the bottom of a hill in San Francisco. A little four-year-old hoping to see the Golden Gate Bridge

after reading all about it in my civil engineering magazines. And then we heard ding, ding, ding, watch out below. I looked around. I had time for my father to push me out of the way. And then it collected me marva

and me father. And that's how an English orphan came to be living in good old San Francisco. Wow. No wonder take me home across the Atlantic. Well, across America and then across the Atlantic. Of course, yeah. That's a sad story.

Well, often I think you'll find the orphan origin story is a sad story. Not often. Are we moving on to the tweet? I'm just reading some people who would like to meet us more often. We are pleasurable children. Very surprising we have not been adopted yet. It's really surprising. We're almost getting too old to stop being cute.

What happens to us when we reach 18? Are we just out on our arse? Yes, you are. Yeah. Together. It'd be a bit weird. Me and you. Because you're like my brother.

Well, no, we're not going to be together together, but me and you back to back against the world. I don't find you very sexually attractive. Neither, I must say. I see you more like a family member. Well, then I guess we're not orphans after all, because we've got each other. Anyway, I must say. I see you more like a family member. Well, then I guess we're not orphans after all because we've got each other. Anyway, anyway.

Mr Fletcher. No, I'm putting an end to the... Mr Fletcher. I'm putting an end to improv orphans. Are you looking forward to Christmas, Mr Fletcher? I am looking very forward to Christmas. What's your favourite part about Christmas?

Is it spending it with us? It's presents, yes it is. I wish I could go home with Mr Fletcher to his family for Christmas. We're just going to do a song again. He's got enough Christmas to go, he's got enough family to go round and he's got mum and a dad.

Now we were supposed to be sharing a story. It's fact of the day next. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Okay, I promise they're not going to... I promise. No, I promise. I promise.

Okay. I can only promise for this fact of the day. Today's fact of the day. This is an insane story. An insane story about how an arm fell off a mannequin. Oh. An arm fell off a mannequin that was being used in a funhouse As like a boo scary And it turned out it was an actual human

What? Sorry? This is like a crazy story It's the story of Elmer McCurdy He was He led a pretty rough life He ended up in a shootout With sheriffs in 1911 ended up in a shootout with sheriffs in 1911. Yeah.

He was in a shootout. He apparently drank an entire bottle of whiskey during the shootout and then the police were just like, for ages, the law enforcement wasn't until they realised he wasn't shooting back and that's when they found out they'd got him. He was dead.

He was embalmed but nobody claimed the body because he didn't have any living family. Right. And then somebody absconded with the corpse. Oh, wow. Okay. And, like, made it part of a travelling circus.

Like, come and see one of the last, like, Outlaws of America sort of thing. Wow. Come and see this. And they're like, you'd go and pay to see that? Yeah. And then it got a bit, people're like, you'd go and pay to see that. Yeah. And then it got a bit, people were like, he's getting a bit manky. We're going to stop using him.

Yep. But they didn't get rid of him. They just put the lid on the coffin and it just stayed with all the belongings of this travelling circus. Right. And went around for ages. Now, sometime later, they were looking to set up the new like fun house, like haunted house sort of thing. Right. And went around for ages. Now, sometime later, they were looking to set up the new, like, fun

house, like haunted house sort of thing. Yeah. And they were going through and someone was like, oh, perfect, mannequin, this looks like a scary zombie, we'll put him up. Okay. So they put the body of a corpse of a man who had been dead for 60 years at this

stage. But still. It was still embalmed, so it would have been intact? It was embalmed and it was intact, but somebody, when they were going through and just lining stuff up and cleaning it, they knocked it too hard and his arm fell off. And they were like, oh, shivers, I've busted this mannequin. I better go get some glue.

Yeah. And glue the arm back on before anybody notices that I want to get in trouble. And he go get some glue. Yeah. And glue the arm back on before anybody notices that I want to get in trouble. And he went and got glue and then he picked up the arm and he was like, jeez, that's realistic looking. And then looked at the shoulder joint and he's like, that's also very realistic looking. Oh, yuck.

What would be the state of it? And so he was covered in like red fluorescent paint. And like people said, when you walked through it, you would literally, if you went around a corner of white, brush up against it. So how many people have brushed up against this? Actual dead corpse. Yeah.

And so what, this would have been in the 70s? 1976. Wow. Was when the arm fell off. And they were like, oh, we need to do something about this. That is a wild story. You are not wrong. So the body was taken from that where the arm fell off.

And they obviously were like, well, I think this is a real body. And then they traced the origins of it, found out this was indeed the real thing. And they flew him back to Oklahoma and buried him. I was going to say, what did they do with him? Yeah. 66 years after he died, he was finally buried. Wow. It's an insane story.

There's a whole lot more that happened along the way. That's the brief history. It'd make a great podcast. It'd make a great podcast. It'd make a great series. Yeah. A TV series. It would. Imagine who plays the corpse. And they're narrating the entire thing. It could be a good. Imagine who plays the corpse. And they're

narrating the entire thing. It could be a good little... Ray Fiennes. It could be, he'd be good. He'd be good as the corpse. He'd be good. And he's an English actor capable of doing an American accent. Yes. One of the few. One of the very few. Yeah. That can absolutely nail it. And it's worse when you go back the other way

when Americans try to do English accents. So much worse. Oh no, the worst is when an American tries to do a New Zealand accent. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. You're like, where are you from? They did a pretty good, I watched an episode of Mythic Quest last night, which is on Apple TV.

It's by the guys that made Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Oh, yeah. And they were like tracking Christmas because they run a gaming thing and they were like Christmas morning in New Zealand and then he was like hello everyone he actually did

a very good job right of a New Zealand accent it's a weird one taking the mick out of us but yet it's a weird one to copy so today's fact of the day

is a man died in 1911 and served as a display and in the end a body in a haunted house fact of the day day day day day do do do do do

do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Play ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Play ZM. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley's Monday Maestros.

Well, it's a challenge that we've got to learn over the weekend, something that we've got to prepare for. Producer Carwen sets us the challenge. And our last one for 2022, and maybe ever, because I don't know if this will be back this year. Okay. I wasn't aware of that. Well, the peacock in me is devastated because this has really worked.

Well, you've won 80% of these challenges. No, I think Vaughn has won a couple. Won quite a few. Yeah, it's relatively even, actually, amongst the three of you. It's not. Come on, no one's believing that. The two of us. I've literally lost every single one. No, you won one, haven't you?

I got a pity win. You got a booby... I got a pity win. Well, Monday, what's our challenge for Monday Maestros? You've actually won two, Fletch, according to my spreadsheet. Oh, excellent. Okay, thank you. Wow.

So, next week, in the spirit of Christmas, because we're in the lead up to Christmas, we're all stuck here until Christmas. Eight sleeps to go, BT dubs. Thank you. You will each write and present your very own Christmas cracker joke. Oh. Wow.

So it's got to be like a one-liner? A pun. They have a lot of winter themes, don't they? Maybe it's time for the ultimate Kiwi Christmas cracker joke. Oh, okay. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Wow.

So it's got to be original. We can't just Google. Okay. And I need it to be cheesy. I want to go, you know, I don't want to have a massive laugh. You don't want to be rolling with tears. You want to be like, that's clever. Oh, yeah, because that's a Christmas cracker joke.

Okay, well, Monday Maestros will be back Monday on the show and deliver you our best Christmas cracker jokes. Oh, they're good, eh? Are you Googling some? I've Googled some. What's every elf's favourite type of music? Hip hop. Rap.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. No, I don't, I lied. I don't get it. Why? W-R-A-P. I laughed because everybody was laughing. Yeah, I know you did, you did. Oh, and rap music.

And they rap presents. And they rap presents. Oh my God. I thought they made the presents. Here's a really good one. I like this. Okay. Why didn't Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem?

All Virgin flights were cancelled. Pretty good. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Friday Jams coming up with Georgia. Yeah, she's in a silly mood too, guys, by the way. So deal with that this afternoon. We asked her to go to the mailroom to get us something

and she went out there and went chit-chatting and then wanted to take a little tax off of what we had received. She's very, that was very rude. She's greedy and she wears half shoes. She's got full shoes on today. Full shoes today. But join her in the afternoon. It'll be fun.

We've got a room full of hotties here. And so I feel comfortable to sort of speak on behalf of the group. You guys happy for me? I'm happy for you to speak on behalf of the group. Okay, sure. So apparently, according to three studies that have combined, they examined the association between physical attractiveness, what we have in abundance,

and having meaning in life, a purpose in life. Oh, my God. Is this another thing hot people get? Don't moan. You're hot. Don't moan. You're hot. Don't worry about it.

Okay, thank you. So this showed, these studies showed, that self-reported physical attractiveness, so it wasn't objectively. Oh, it's how you, right, okay. Self-reported physical attractiveness, whereas mine is both self and externally reported. Would you say that? Absolutely.

Yeah, okay, yep. It's hard to walk past someone without them saying, excuse me, ma'am, I don't mean to bother you. Right, okay. But my word. But wow someone without them saying, excuse me, ma'am, I don't mean to bother you. Right. But my word. But wow, you're a 10. What a stunner. They say this regularly, don't they?

Yeah. So they had more meaning in their life and that they had sort of a deeper sense of purpose. Is this also self-reported? Because hot people are also the people that post that sort of junk on the gram. Yeah. They do. Your vibe attracts your tribe and all that.

Who are you trying to convince here, mate? It feels like more you're trying to sell it to yourself than me. But if you're arrogant and you think, yeah, you're hot, you're a 10, then you're obviously going to feel like you've got a purpose in life, right? They call it existential significance. Oof. Yeah. If I think about myself existentially and my significance, no.

No. No. I matter not. Yeah. On the scale of things. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, they say the feeling that one's life matters.

I mean, I get that. I think my life matters. I used to be that kid when your mum would say, well, the world doesn't revolve around you. And I'd say, well, mine does. And that's true, right? You are the centre of your own universe. I am the centre of my own universe.

That's deep. Does this confirm that I'm a hottie? Yeah, because you're thinking about things that are... Because I have meaning in my life? Yes, beyond that of, you know, your average punter. Yes. Well, that's indicative of my attractiveness, apparently. Well, like you say, you're a Christchurch Les Mills 10, so...

I'm just saying to our Christchurch listeners, show me a hotter Les Mills goer. Because when we were there last week... I'm happy to compile that list. I was born at ZMLine.com She suggested I just said I'd take care of the admin. I don't want to do the admin side of it. She doesn't want to do the admin.

She's willing to offload the admin to me. So what exactly do you want people to email to me to compile? Well, when I was at the gym, I caught my own dumper in the mirror and I thought it was so phenomenal. You thought it was a 10. So much so that I sent a video of it to the group chat saying, check out this dumper.

There was literally you and I in the gym. No, there were quite a few people in that gym. It was empty. There was that old guy that when Hayley was videoing her dumper to send to the group, he walked in between her and the mirror. Did you see that guy?

He was like an upside down triangle. He was jacked. Yeah, yeah. But he still didn't beat me in my dumper. So if you think Christchurch Les Millies, bring it on. See ya, see ya later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted.

Suzy Cato is a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice. So if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars. Yeah. If she does the same for this podcast. Yeah.

And then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well.