ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 16th February 2022

Episode Date: February 15, 2022

Tinder Birth  Burger Rings  Top 6: Sunshine  Impossible Phoner!  Community Notices!  Vaughans Going Shopping  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe. Try their refreshing McCafe iced coffee. It's available now at Macca's. Fletch, I just looked over and he's practicing his signature. For when he gets married.

No, sometimes I just get bored and I doodle. Why did you write Carl Hartnett? Are you going to marry Josh Hartnett? That's a throwback. That's hot. Oh my God, that Hartnett? That's a throwback. That's hot. Oh, my God. That's the biggest 90s, 2000s early throwback. I saw he's done something recently, though.

Yeah, he's in a new miniseries. He was in Wrath of Man. I started watching that the other day, that Jason Statham movie. Here's a look at your signature. Oh, yeah, he is in that. I've seen Wrath of Man. Is it good? It's not bad.

It's not bad. Yeah, pretty action-packed. I was just very tired. Josh Hartnett wouldn't pull much of a crowd in there. I've seen Wrath of Man. Is it good? It's not bad, it's not bad. Yeah, pretty action packed. I was just very tired. Josh Hartnett wouldn't pull much of a crowd these days. You've got different versions I think he'd still get the Dutch mums humming.

You'll hear more about it. Keep listening to the podcast for Dutch mothers. Yeah, that's kind of, sometimes I get bored and I just doodle the signature. It's a butthole.

If you look at the top of it. That's subliminal, isn't it? Can you see butthole in that? B-U-T- No. If I put, isn't it? Can you see butthole in that? B-U-T. No. If I put my mind to it. I saw butthole. When did you establish that signature?

At what age? I don't know. Probably like 16, 15, 16. Right. I think I did mine at 10. Okay. And it's 1992 and it's super. Oh my God.

Hello private school. Yeah. I've got really curly whirly writing. My whole writing's like this. It, my God. Oh, hello, private school. Yeah, I've got really curly, whirly writing. My whole writing's like this. It's so terrible. Oh, God. You left it too. My hand.

You should have a shorter signature so that your hand doesn't smudge through. I do have a short one. That's it. Oh, yeah, that's not bad. It looks like a kid's. Bebe Ollie. Yeah, it does. It's terrible.

Okay, you wait till you see Vaughn's signature. This is brilliant. This is brilliant. This is brilliant. Have you ever seen Vaughan's handwriting? I don't. It's quite messy. Of note, I can't remember it. Look at Vaughan's signature.

That's my signature. What is that? The V's got a. What is it drooping? The V is like that. It looks almost like an N. And what I'm saying is it was 1992. It was like. Like Kiss. People were almost like an N. And what I'm saying is it was 1992. It was like...

People were drawing that S thing where you do three lines, three lines, and then line, draw, and then a triangle on the top and the bottom. That was the S people were doing. So when it came, it used to be way jankier. It used to be like this. That's too slow for a signature.

It just used to be this straight lined very jagged little pin. But I don't even know how I would redesign it now. I think out of all of ours, mine's the cutest. I'm really good at forging signatures. Did you ever forge a note at school?

To get out of something? When I was 16 and I had a boyfriend, I forged a note to say that I had a dentist appointment and then I went to my boyfriend's house and we hung out. And then I got home and mum was like, how was your dentist? I was like, what? And I don't know, the school had rung her or something

and then they gave her a copy of the note and she was like very good at the signature. And a couple of times in our life, when my mum hasn't been available, I've used it. I remember going to that like young, going to the supermarket, and mum gave me a check,

but she hadn't signed it. And so I was just looking at this woman, and she's looking at me, and I was like. See? Dot. They don't check. Jay.

They never check. No, they didn't Right So you've redone your mum's will And signed that I have the power to Make or break her whole life Yeah right

I've used it for really important things And some small things as well Wow I know I got very good I can do errands My dad's and my mum's Okay you're a forger A little bit of a catch me if you can

Situation on our hands over here We'll just edit this bit out. No, no, leave it right in. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Vaughan just slowly making his way in. Sliding on in.

Slowly making his way in. What up, players? I want to say the energy is already chaotic. Anna's here opening a box full of what I believe is custard. And it's six o'clock in the morning. I believe so. Den Heath. Oh.

What is this? Have you never had a Den Heath custard square? I've never had a Den Heath custard square. Oh, my friend. Oh, it's a custard square. You're in retreat. I imagined like a custard. It's a South Island institution.

It's a nationwide institution. It's based in Tumuru. I take it back. I'm very excited for this. Good. You got your PT today? I've got a PT today. Your training?

I've chugged down this absolute grain fest of a smoothie. I think I might have put sand in it this morning. I'm always accidentally putting sand in things. Always. Fibre. Fibre. What's that? That's an three gourmet custard profiteroles. Yeah.

Okay, don't make that noise. Coming up on the show. You are adamant that the booster vaccine has given you some kind of... It's reinvigorated me. I feel 17 again. I felt the same. I felt more energized. I have not had any ill effects from my booster.

What was on your elbow? He's got a bit of carpet burn on his weenus. But I haven't even been. Wow. You know what it's from? It's from the gym. I know. It's from planking.

It's from doing core. Plank life,'s from planking. It's from doing core. Plank life, baby. From sex. We did say being the bottom. Only on one. You would have been doing a side plank. Only on one. Yeah, I was doing side.

Okay, so that's the kind of show you can expect this morning. So I'm crashing fast. Add to cart is coming up this morning, 8 o'clock. Bree's picked everything today, so 8 o'clock will give you the first option. The top six is coming up and some shocking sunshine stats for Christchurch. Christchurch, the garden city, won't be blooming as on average for February so far. Two hours sunlight a day. Sunshine.

No, not sunlight a day. Sunshine. No, not sunlight. Sunshine. Sunshine. So that's uninterrupted sunlight. That's turned into Norway in winter. Yes. Christchurch is relocated to the North Pole. But two hours sunshine.

The shine. Yeah. On average so far. Uninterrupted sunshine. That's pathetic. So you've got some ideas. Yeah. Someinterrupted sunshine. That's pathetic. So you've got some ideas? Yeah. Some ways they can get

some sunlight? Top six ways to get your sunlight hours up. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I can't touch anything. My fingers are so... Yeah, I've got

custard square all over me. Somebody's been eating custard square and it's all over their bed. It is all through the stash. Yeah, I don't even care. Well, Wordle has taken the world by storm. Vaughan, you've done today's Wordle?

Correct. Hayley, you've completed? Correct. It's not the craziest word. It's just it wasn't on the radar. Well, spoiler alert. Huh? No, no, no.

No, it's not. Yeah Yeah it's sort of an odd word Okay well spoiler alert Because you're telling people It's Roger R-O-G-E-R Roger It's not Roger Because I've got the first two letters And I'm stuck on the third word

It's been like that for a couple of days Hasn't it? That we've gone What is this? Well the New York Times bought Wordle And they've changed it over to their official new york times website and it just kind of coincided that there were some hard words like cynic cynic was hard cynic was hard that kind of threw people there were a couple

of others and aroma it was a name robin yes robin um in at the end and and people were like well hang on the new y York Times have bought this and they've tried to posh it up because they're all fancy in New York Times. Yes. Well, a lot of people have been saying this online, and I can tell you in fact that that is not the case. Because when Wordle was invented and made, the word list is 12,000 five-letter words.

That was whittled down to 2,500 words that his girlfriend would know. Yeah, right. That's right. And that was baked in to the game. That's so sad. She's a bit dumb. I've met her again. She's a bit dumb.

There would be some five-letter words that you wouldn't even use or really know. Yeah, because sometimes I've got letters, and I'm like, I wonder if that's a word, and I'll just put them in a random word and press go, and it'll be like, it's a word. I'll be like, the day that that's the word, you're screwed. I'm screwed, yeah. Because didn't we learn that sore was the best?

S-O-A-R-E. Yeah, was the best, and I didn't know that's how that was spelt. I didn't know that was the best. S-O-A-R-E. Yeah, was the best. And I didn't know that that's how that was spelt. I didn't know that was a word. Well, the list of two and a half thousand words, that was baked into the JavaScript. I don't know how websites are made or built, but you know there was the hack.

Oh my God, it's all about the JavaScript. You know there was the hack where people found the words that were upcoming. Those haven't changed. So New York Times hasn't suddenly gone, now we're going to put in. 100% New York Times has not made Wordle harder. Have I been dumber? I still hope one day it's poopy.

That would be your dream? Because I've gone from being a four to a five. You know, my streak, my being a four to a five. You know, my streak, my average. Yeah, go on. Is not looking so good.

I've been, I went like a bull at a gate this morning, didn't I? Don't have a lot of time today. Got a lot on my mind. So I was like, I'm just going to smash this out.

As a side note though, the New York Times have said they're updating the word list because there were A few insensitive Or offensive words In there And I think

Yeah Like fatty Actually Wasn't prick one Yes Prick was one Like a couple of weeks ago But prick isn't like

You get a prick You get a prick That's just where Your mind is Yeah prick Oh right yeah Bitch Could be one

Because it's a female dog And it's a It's a fun little word. I'm not happy about that. I'm rocking a hearty four. Oh, yeah. Four is my... That would be most people, right? Big bar.

You see, I'm split between four is predominant, but just one below is now high. That's embarrassing. Oh, my God. Look, I went to a public school, a shit one too. These are Queen Margaret College stats. That's embarrassing. I can't tell you what we paid a term. I'm a waste of it.

Margaret herself. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. This guy has been named Man of the Year. That's a big call. It is. Early. Especially because it's only Feb. So there's this guy, a guy met a gal on the old Tinder

and they were going to have their first date. He was coming straight from the airport. No, he wasn't going to be, but he was at the airport. Right. And they had plenty of time, but she texted him saying, I've gone into labour. She was eight months pregnant. Right. The baby arrived very early.

Instead of him going like, all right, we'll just park the date for a bit, he went straight from the airport, got in a cab, and went to the hospital and became her birthing partner. Okay. For the birth of her child. Yeah.

That's one way to meet the downstairs region, isn't it? It really is. You didn't even get to have a little fun. Wait, so was he like, did he have a layover at the airport where he had like four hours to kill? No, no, no. He was coming back, like he lived in the area. In Australia.

What's that? Just turned your computer on. Oh yeah, I restarted my computer. But it's plugged into the headphones. Why would it come through the speakers? No one knows. Yeah, he was coming back to the airport and she was going to be picking him up for this date, but then texts to say, oh, no, no, I can't because I've actually gone into labour.

He knew that she was pregnant. He wasn't pregnant at the time. That wasn't a surprise. Okay. But yeah, he totally stepped up in a way that, I mean, have you watched, you've watched a birth, I assume? I've watched a birth. I've watched a birth.

I've watched two births, two types. Why did you watch a birth? Vaginal and caesarean, which comes with a free Caesar salad by law. A caesarean would have been quite full noise. Yeah, it is full noise. I can't even watch on a medical show when they do an injection. Like, I'm just like, ugh.

It's pretty similar. Yeah. In terms of the war. Yeah. What was I saying? Oh, yeah, I've watched a birth, and it is honestly the most incredible experience. Like, if you can.

Whose birth did you watch? I mean, don't bust into a room just to watch someone giving birth. Hopefully you know that. I watched my best friend give birth. Oh, right. To her son. It was her second birth. It was very beautiful.

But if you have watched a birth, you know that that moment is, like, life-changing to watch. It is absolutely incredible. Well, that happened for this couple. Their first date, they absolutely bonded over this birth so much to the point that now they've been raising the child together.

And they're together. And he's about to move in to help raise this baby. Happy ending. Look at this little photo. He's leaning over. This is their first date. He's leaning over her.

She's just popped that baby out. That's a bit full on, isn't it? Is that a red flag for you? Yeah. He's just being supportive. Man of the year, they're calling him. Hopped into a taxi. She felt so alone.

He was there for her. Coached her through the birth. That's pretty incredible. Let's keep an eye on this one. You want to see a follow up? I want this one to stay on the radar. I would say it's a bit of a rough start to a relationship. Next on the show from...

Don't say it. I won't. We need to discuss burger rings. If you know, you know. If you know, you know. If you know, you know. Burger rings. Yeah. Okay.

Not the smell. Why? What's with the smell? Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Saw on Reddit last night in New Zealand that somebody was taking umbrage with the fact that burger rings no longer could be worn as decorative rings whilst eating them

because the size has changed. Now, I was aware of a size change. A long time, a while ago. I feel like it was a little while ago. And they also changed the recipe a little bit. The flavour. The flavour was slightly different. Because they used to be powdery, but now they're a bit more sticky.

Yeah, I don't like the new recipe. I mean, I still eat them. Yeah. But this is upon a further investigation. Yeah, there has been changes. There has been changes as far back. People were citing changes to twisties and burger rings as far back as early 2021. Right.

So over a year. I don't even think burger rings have been able to fit on your finger since you were a kid, right? Think about all the impromptu engagements that will no longer happen. Yeah. The lorange-flavoured engagement. Was this discovery very timely, almost like it was Valentine's Day when someone discovered this?

Did they try to slip it on? They tried to slip it on. They're like, that's not going anywhere near that, Phalange. Yeah. Well, okay, here's another post from four years ago where someone said, my hands haven't grown this much. What's happened? Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah. It's been a while. It's slipped on there. Got a bit smaller. What is it about companies? Because that's happened with a lot of companies, that they just sort of adjust their recipe years and years off success.

But why? Because it's so... But surely it costs them money, right? It might cost savings, but then when people stop getting them because they've changed it. Yeah, and you never try a new flavour of a classic and think, that is better, right? Because it's a classic.

You've eaten it your whole life. Yeah. From childhood. Yeah. You remember it. Even if they're like, it is better. We only use the oil once now, not a thousand times. You're like, well, the secret to its success was reusing that oil

until it was a stanky orange mess. Years and years of flavour. Yeah. I'm trying to think of an example of when a brand has done it and it has been successful. There's not. There's not an example of it What did I hear the other day? Grain waves

Have they gone back? Not Oh, have they? I feel like there's been three periods of grain waves pre-2017 Then 2017 was just a shambles They changed their name to like Sun Something Grain Waves Yeah

Please There was enough of an uproar where I think they made some adjustments, maybe not back to full original Grainwaves. Yeah, well, Jared just messaged saying that they're still small. Remember, they were like enough to like rip a mouth. And the powder on them, the flavour. Yeah, sour cream and chives. Where are we at with big guns?

Have they changed? Are they even still on the market? I can't say I've opened a bag of big guns. They don't do big guns anymore. I don't believe so. Big guns, don't they? They were the big rings, eh? Big guns.

Big guns? Correct me if I'm wrong, were more like a chisel, but they also had different shape options. Yeah, big guns. Didn't they have like, was it big guns that had circles and ration shaped ones? Rations are superior. options. Yeah, biggins. Didn't they have like, was it biggins that had circles and rations shaped ones? Rations are superior. There's a Facebook page

Bring Back Bluebird Biggins, because they had the tangy, the tangy was the best. I'm going to join that page. Yeah, tangy biggins. Tangy. I'm all about the rations. Rations hasn't changed. I feel like it's under the bluebird umbrella, right? But have rations changed?

Have you had them lately? No, because I'm a grown woman. I'm in my 30s. Well, in 2021, there is another Reddit post. Ladies and gentlemen, rations have been ruined. Another snack has been F-word by its manufacturer. It's a new fun shape. It means unpleasant shit.

I thought they just had a production issue until I noticed the new shape. You think you would have learned after effing up grain waves, must be cheaper to make. So rations have changed as well. Massive story in 2021 about the change of twisties. I remember when this happened

because I'm pretty sure I have a fair go dedicated half an episode to this. So when twisties changed, rations changed as well. Do you know what they're calling it? Snackrilage. Snackrilage. This is absolute snackrilage.

The absolute perfect name. Wow. I mean, we could be in Ukraine and worried about the pending invasion of Russia and losing our very identity as a country. We've all got something on our plate. From the Panoramic ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Oh, hey.

Can I just quickly touch on the fact that we've never had so much feedback from people in the 6 o'clock hour without asking for it on changing the recipe of things. Oh, really? Before we talk about burger rings. Yeah. Somebody said they rang them and asked and they were told that the manufacturing machine had been changed.

Yeah, but what about the ingredients? Yeah, exactly. Someone else said Blue V, Pringles, Wonka Raspberry Twisters. They've changed apparently. Wonka Raspberry Twisters? Mr. Wonka, this factory's amazing. Yeah, they all changed. Apparently Lift Plus changed too.

Really? Somebody said they just absolutely ruined that after 12 years of devoted service. Yeah. Wow. Dev devoted service. Yeah. Wow. Devoted service. Anyway, today's top six. Christchurch has been getting by on about two hours of daily sunshine for February. That's nuts.

You know, just over halfway through Feb, but it's summer. Yeah. Feb is always very hot and sunny as well. It's supposed to be. Well, it's humid. Clouds can really add to the humidity, but that direct sunshine, you know, that gives you that classic dry Canterbury heat. So I've got the top six ways to get more of your daily sunshine hours,

given that you're only getting two a day. Number six on the list, pop around to the local weed growers for a snooze under the hydroponics. Oh, yeah. Get the old UV. Yeah. I think it's a UV light. Have a snooze under that if they've got room for you.

Yeah, lovely. Number five on the list of the top six ways to get your daily sunshine. Light the log fire. You might as well. Two hours sunshine is basically winter. Yeah. So you could sit in front of that, bask in some natural light. Yeah, lovely.

Is it still warm down there? It's still warm. It's still warm. So you're going to get quite light. Yeah, lovely. Is it still warm down there? It's still warm. It's still warm. So you're going to get quite sweaty. Yeah, that's good though. A little bit of a sauna situation. Yeah, lovely. Number four on the list

are the top six ways to get your daily sunshine hours up in Christchurch. You're getting by on two a day. Find someone worse than you because you don't need to be the best. You just need not to be the worst. And I think that's exactly

what this person meant when they text messaged in, what about Auckland then? How many hours are you getting then? It's not a competition. Well, I've looked it up. Seven hours of direct sunshine a day. And that's when we've had a bad

couple of weeks. Yeah, it's been a lot of grey days. Way more than you. That's more than three times. Yeah. You can spend a lot of grey days. Way more than you. That's more than three times. Yeah. Why don't you suck it? Guys, it's not a competition. It is.

And we won. We're getting melanoma. You're getting slightly brown. Number three on the list of the top six ways to get your daily sunshine hours up on Christchurch. Crack open a glow stick. Oh, yeah. Nice. And then just like wave it over you.

Does that work for the body? Does it trick the body into thinking you're getting sun? Vitamin D. Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six ways to get your daily sunshine. Get a solar-powered solarium. Now, I know sunbeds are bad for you, but if the thing charging it is only working for two hours a day,

that's not full strength. Okay. Yeah. I think we've just found a sunbed loophole here, everybody. Have we? We definitely haven't. And number one on the list of the top six ways to get your daily sunshine hours up in Christchurch,

surviving only two on average for February. Jump in the microwave for 30 seconds. I don't know if you should be encouraging people to jump in the microwave. If they find a microwave big enough to fit in it. You'd be a fool not to. Give it a push. Or at least go low if you're going to start out. Oh, defrost.

Yeah, yeah. Or power defrost. Yeah. Power defrost. It'll be a little cold in the middle though. Yeah. Yeah, you don't a powder frost. Yeah. Powder frost. A little cold in the middle, though. Yeah. Oh, you can't. Yeah, you don't want to overdo it.

You don't want to be like, you know, we're still frozen in the middle, but like, cook around the edge. Yeah. You don't want that. That's today's top six. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Two a litre. Two a litre. I was in John Coldheart on ZM.

Like a litre of water. Like a litre of water. Dua litre of water. Dua litre. No, we mean two litres. Two litres, yeah. A Dua Litre milk bottle. You want quattro litre? No, no, no.

I want Dua Litre. Dua Litre milky. What are we saying here? What's Spanish for milk? Just to, you know, give this gag a bit of a, you know. Leche. Leche. Dua lipa leche. Dua lipa de leche.

Leche de leche. I'm mixing Spanish, Italian, and I suspect a bit of French in there. Yeah. Speaking of offensive. As we just were to the Spanish language. Indeed. Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison has upset Kiwi iconic band Dragon

by doing a bit of a rendition of their famous song April Sun in Cuba. He was doing an interview on 60 Minutes. Was this a ukulele? It was a ukulele. Okay. And after being asked about their infamous holiday to Hawaii where Australia was on fire. That's Okay. And after being asked about their infamous holiday to Hawaii

where Australia was on fire. That's right. And they were on holiday. He was like, yeah, that was a bad choice. Do you want to hear me play the ukulele? And this is what he played. That's his wife chiming in. It's not the melody. No, no, it's not, chiming in. It's not the melody.

No, no, it's not, right? No. Take me to the April sun in Cuba. Whoa. Yeah, like that. What did he do? Take me to the April sun in Cuba. So it's offensive on so many levels.

That was a, what do you call it, souvenir from his time in Hawaii. Imagine being a politician like him and they're like, you need to have something that makes you seem a bit more human. Well, this is what Dragon has said. Dragon is back in the headlines for all the wrong reasons, their official statement says, that they've used their music without their consent to humanise someone that they outright do not support.

One thing I do love, pretty clever, at the end they say, maybe if his trip to Hawaii had not been cut short, he would have learnt the lyrics to the rest of the chorus, take me where the April sun gonna treat me so right. Which they believe he does not do. Why did you say this offended you

personally? Because Mark Williams of Dragon his mother is my mother's mother's second cousin. And so on behalf of the family I will speak for the family here. We are deeply offended. I don't think you've got the right to speak for the family.

Mark Williams' mother is my grandmother's second cousin, therefore making him my relative. Really? Yep. We're very close. It's very. We're very close. It's very... We're very close and I have been voted spokesperson for the family. And we are offended by Scott Morrison's rendition.

Take me to the April sun. If you're listening and you've got a closer family connection... I don't think there needs to be a... What's closer than his mother being my mother's mother's second cousin? We would like to bestow upon you Spokesperson for the family Because we've got someone over here making loose claims On behalf of the Williams slash Robinson Pahauder Sproul family

We are offended But he wouldn't even be the Sproul You can't put Sproul in there Yeah, but I'm the Sproul Yeah, I know But there are no blood relations where you get your name from. I'll see you at Christmas, Mark.

Oh, it's already the flimsiest at Blaine's. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Keeping up to date with the news just became a little easier. As at Herald's new podcast, the front page is your short, sharp daily news podcast. Join me, Damien Venuto, every weekday morning

as I chat with journalists and newsmakers going behind the headlines to break down what you need to know on the biggest news stories of the day. Listen to the front page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Play ZM. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's four minutes past seven. Treaties. Vaughan's got some treats. We've got male hair from Air New Zealand. Elite.

Gold elite. See, I'm sick of this everyday man charade that he's putting on, ladies and gentlemen. He loves sitting in the Kuru Lounge with the big dick swingers of New Zealand business. He does. Schmoozing and boozing and eating cheese. I've seen you eat a lot of cheese in there too.

You're damn right. What does this mean though? I think you just get your membership card for the year. Oh cool, that'd be real handy. Oh it's so handy. Traveling and doing all this. So handy. Coming up on the show, the latest community

notices that you've sent in. All the weird and wonderful things that you see on your local Facebook page. Yeah, those things. What? Pages. I said page. Yeah, but just say pages again. Don't just say jizz on the end.

No, that was with a G. It was with a G. It doesn't matter. That was the weirdest addition. That was a soft G. I can't say anything. You can't say anything after yesterday's on-air blooper. Yeah, I checked out on Instagram.

I made a bit of a slip-up. A slight slip-up. My mask just fell on my coffee. What's this worse for, my coffee or my mask? Your coffee. I think your coffee, yeah. But this mask's been on my face. How many days on average are you using these blue disposable masks?

I've only ever used one for the whole pandemic. This is a 2020 vintage, baby. Okay, so your coffee's just got a life of its own. This could be a booster for the booster. It could be, yeah. The booster's booster. Next on the show, it's the return of the impossible phone-in topic.

A topic that we think is so impossible we're not going to get any calls. Yeah, we're going to talk about shocking, dark family secrets that have been revealed to you through DNA testing. Because there's a story in the news, this has happened to somebody. This has happened.

They've found out their whole life is a lie. Well, it's a return of the impossible phone-in topic, a topic we think is so impossible. Yeah, I feel like some people might phone up thinking they've got the juice that I want, but I'm looking for some real gritty depth. You're looking for some pulpy juice.

I'm looking for some good stuff here. You may have seen this has gone around a little bit. An amazing story, a woman's been sharing to TikTok. She did a DNA test through one of those websites. Have you done one of... I have. That's right, because I remember I was waiting for it. Last year you were waiting. But did you get your results

back? I got some results back. I'll get into that in a second. Because I got a little bit of interesting feedback from mine as well. But anyway, this woman did her test and the results came back. She is blonde, blue-eyed, very Pakeha looking. The results came back

that she was significantly of African-American descent. Wow. After being told by her grandmother who had passed away that they were of English heritage, strictly English heritage. Right.

So she was like, where is that side? Where does that side come from? It certainly wasn't from her other side of the family. Yeah. So she dug a little deeper. Her grandma passed back in 2002, was born in 1933, and all they knew about her childhood was that she was an orphan who was, you know, left by her parents.

No siblings. She was an orphan. No family connections whatsoever. Have you got a photo of her? Is she white as day? No. There's... Oh, no. I'd say Italian. There's something going on. She looks like a nonna.

Yeah, she does look like a nonna. She looks like a Mama Forelle. She looks like a Mama Forelle. Like she would make a delicious garlic bread. But however, not the case. So she dug a little deeper and the website connected her with some potential family matches. They went through and connected, found out that she wasn't an orphan.

Her parents did abandon them, but she didn't go to an orphanage. She was raised by her other siblings, of which there are 15. 15 siblings. She told them she was of which there are 15. 15 siblings. She told them she was an only child. She's 15 siblings. What was Nona hiding? Well, Nona wasn't hiding anything. She's not a Nona. She's African American,

but she was white presenting. Enough that she could make the choice, basically, to choose a new life. She ran away, chose a new life, a new race, white. Wow. British. A new name, a whole new identity.

And just because this woman did her DNA test, she found all of this out. I have never heard the term white presenting before. I heard it for the first time about two weeks ago and I think I've heard it four times since. Well, it's an interest that we were just having a chat offline about, you know, when people are racist in front of white-presenting people, and you're like, well.

Well, my wife is, her dad's Thai. He's from Thailand, but Chinese origin? Chinese ethnic. You know, his family was from China. And the amount of things people say in front of her about racist things about Asians and I'm always just like and she just

ignores it. A lot of people can think she's Maori. Wherever we've been in the world people assume she's from there. But you go to the Cook Islands and people ask her, what's your connection to the Cook Islands? And she's like, oh, I don't have one.

And they're like, oh, Maldi. And she's like, no, not Maldi. And in Samoa, people thought she was Samoan. Yeah. In Thailand, people don't think she's from Thailand at all. They're the one place you go where, yeah. But in LA, people thought she was Latino. Yeah. Yeah. She's Cliff Curtis. I go. But in LA, people thought she was Latino. Yeah.

Yeah. She's Cliff Curtis. I've said it before. My wife's Cliff Curtis. She could play anything. Well, I'm very white presenting, but I'm Maori. People see my mum and my grandma, they're like, what? I'm like, yeah.

I don't know where it went. Very strong genes on my dad's side, I guess. Yeah. But I've had it too. People bagging off Maori people before. Not good in any situation to anyone. No. But as a had it too with people bagging off Māori people before. Not good in any situation to anyone. No. But as a Māori person it's quite bad and I take great

pleasure in calling them out and reminding them. Not reminding them, informing them. Informing. That I am indeed Māori. But anyway, so I did my DNA test and I've always sort of believed you know, that my grandma you know, not that quantum is a thing these days,

but was sort of full Maori, like Maori parents and her parents' parents were Maori and da-da-da-da-da. And then there was a little bit of suspicious Portuguese. Suspicious Portuguese? Suspicious Portuguese. Portuguese in there. And I was like, excusez-moi, that's not Portuguese. That's French. There was French in there. There was French in there. A bit of French. excusez-moi. It's not Portuguese.

It's French. There was French in there. There was French in there. Bit of French. Predominantly Scottish. Yeah. But the Maori was less than I thought. It was like 19% or something.

And I was like, oh, that's much lower than I was anticipating. And it's because this Portuguese sailor who had come to New Zealand many, many, many, many, many generations ago, shagged one of my family members. They loved to shag back in the day, didn't they? They loved to shag. So would you if you were at sea for three or eight months? Absolutely. You didn't want to shag when you got into port.

That's true. Had a shag, but then the baby that they had. And there wasn't condoms and stuff, true. No, there wasn't. The baby they had was obviously still Māori presenting, so they just sort of kept on going after that. So they were like, oh, well, we'll just ignore that little Portuguese drip. Wow. But anyway, I mean, this woman's story is absolutely incredible.

She discovered a whole new life of her grandmother's. And so our impossible phoner is, when did your DNA test reveal a shocking family secret? Like your dad isn't your dad. Or your mum isn't your dad. Or your mom isn't your mom. I know. I found out I was just like 100% white Irish.

Who saw this freckly white guy being Irish? Not me! Not me. I just thought I liked drinking because it was fun. There's gotta be a little something in there. I'm genetically disposed to just loving drink

and loving taties you're very close to potato I find it so funny that white people love getting these DNA tests and like fingers crossed

they just got a little bit of spice a little bit of something a little bit of Namibia please nothing nothing so that's our

impossible phoner and I'm not talking like yeah I thought I was French but really I'm Norwegian I'm talking talking like, yeah, I thought I was French, but really, I'm Norwegian. I'm talking like, what is the family secret that was revealed to you

through your DNA testing? What did you find out? Well, the impossible phonin topic, a phonin topic we think is quite impossible. We don't expect any calls for this. Yeah, we asked you, when did your DNA test reveal a

shocking family secret after a woman discovered that her life was a lie. Her life was a lie. Her grandmother said she was a white orphan with no siblings. From England. Yeah, it turned out she was African American with 15 siblings. Christmas just got a lot

more expensive. It did, didn't it? Found a lot more expensive. It did, didn't it? Found a lot of long-lost family. Sasha's called up. Sasha, this was a friend that did a DNA test. Yes, so they did a DNA test to find out their ancestry. Oh, where are my family from? And it resulted in their father finding out that his father was not who he thought he was and he had a collection of other siblings around the place as well.

Oh, wow. So your friend's father found out that his father was not his father? Yeah. Yeah. This is what we wanted. Yeah. This is what we wanted. Scandal, scandal, isn't it?

Mystery granddad. How did the dad take that, knowing that his dad wasn't his dad for his whole life? Well, he was actually quite pleased because his father was not a very nice man. And the biological father, you know, a big improvement on that. Oh, so they met, they connected.

Yeah, so they ended up connecting. He met and talked to some of his other siblings, you know, because they're all, you know, obviously older. So he's also fortunate that, like, the biological father was still alive. Wow. And he was kind of connected. It's obviously been a big shock for everyone. And he found out doing a test, like one of the spit tube tests.

Yeah, exactly. To find out like, oh, am I past French or whatever. Yeah, yeah, I want to know if I've got something kind of spicy in me.

And then it popped up with all these other relatives that they had never heard of. And so they kind of got chatting like, oh, you know, how are we related? And through kind of

a process of elimination. I kind of look like you. Yeah. Amazing. Sasha, thanks for sharing. Anonymous, you had a DNA test shock. Yes. Yes, I did.

So what happened? I started digging into some family history for my grandfather because he never knew his father. I found a couple of other little things, but I decided to take a DNA test to see if that would take me any further, only to find out that we're not biologically related and he isn't my grandfather. Oh!

That is not what you were looking for. No. Not at all. No one knows but me and my husband Haven't told anyone else So you Are you going to keep that secret Until your grave She's on the radio mate

Cat's out the bag Well at least you're not going to tell Grandad Yeah so your grandmother Had fun times With another man But your Grandad. Yeah, so your grandmother had fun times with another man, but your Grandad doesn't know about it. No, pretty much. Yeah, he has no idea. I haven't brought it up with my grandmother

because that's probably not the best option. It's a hard conversation, isn't it? Do you think if Grandfather passes and Grandmother's just left, you'll say something to her? Yep. Yeah. Yeah. I would want to. It's nice that you're protecting granddad, though. Yeah. Do we know who this man is that Nana

slipped up with? Yeah. I got messages through Ancestry from a distant, third-removed cousin, and then I started messaging another child from this man. Well, he sounds fertile, this man, doesn't he? Very much so.

Because you've got, we both got ancestry, Vaughn, the dot com thing. Same as you. Imagine getting that alert. You always get those annoying email alerts. Oh, you've got a distant cousin I know Oh you've got a new grandfather You know like

What are you You get that alert You're just like Crikey Oh you've got a granddaughter You didn't know about Sorry Yeah crazy

Amazing Anonymous Thank you for sharing Josh what was your DNA surprise Hey so I have recently Joined the ranks Of the Bald Brothers Welcome

Welcome Both my grandfathers Had full heads of hair Oh Hi, so I have recently joined the ranks of the Bald Brothers. Welcome. Welcome. Both my grandfathers had full heads of hair. Oh. It's a privilege to be indoctrinated into it. But, yeah, so I took a DNA test. But before it came back, my mom comes out to the family and says, hey, look, I've got a bit of a secret that she's been hiding.

And she goes, the man who you know as my dad, your grandfather, is not your actual grandfather. And so that was a wee bit of a shock. So before the Ancestry.com even came back, we, yeah, found out that we had a separate other family, which was really, really cool. Obviously, mum got to reach out, reconnect, and that was all really, really nice.

But yeah. How did your grand... How did the man who you grew up with knowing as your granddad, how did he react to the news that he wasn't actually her father? He knew. So he knew it was my nan. So my granddad, who I know is my granddad, actually adopted my mum, which is a really cute story anyway.

So it's all kind of wholesome. But, yeah, we met the guy, and there's not a single hair on his head so you're like that's why i'm bald thank you yeah yeah right wow that was exactly wow and so when you just in in passing say to mama i'm going to do an ancestry.com test she's like oh shit get to the farm get to the she's like i've got it actually it actually wasn't it was i just decided to do it myself because there was the hype going round about it and it was completely coincidental that my mum decided to come out

and took me on the dinner table one night. She said, I've got something to tell you. And yeah, all of a sudden, we had a whole other third side to our family, which is a big deal. Wow. Well, Josh, thank you so much for sharing. Amazing story.

Some more messages in. Somebody said, I did an ancestry.com and got a DNA test and then started piecing together the family tree. And I noticed in 1946 when my family left Germany, we also changed our last name. We do not have Jewish ancestry. Ew, ew. They said, but don't worry, I've looked into it more.

Not biologically related to Hitler. Oh, good. So you're not going to end up on an episode of Nazi Hunters. No. Well, I mean, you're also not a Nazi. No. But, I mean, they said not related to Hitler, but you've got your Himmlers, you've got your Goebbels.

You've got a good range of top-ranking Nazis you can still be related to. My ex-husband found out at the age of 37 that he was adopted and his brother wasn't really his brother. He found this out through a DNA test. Wow. My partner did his DNA, found out his birth father wasn't his actual father. Also found out his grandfather on his mother's side isn't his granddad.

What did you just say? So his father's not his father. That's on his father's side. But then his grandfather on his mother's side also isn't his grandfather. A double whammy. It's an intergenerational double whammy. I mean, this has got to happen, especially it's like a generational thing. We're hearing a lot about grandfathers.

Those were back in the days where pregnancies were a little bit hush-hush if they weren't legitimate, if we weren't married and all that kind of stuff. That's why people get married and then their baby gets born like eight months later or seven months later, they're like, oh, it was just a short gestation period. A little bit prem. A big prem. Yeah. Clitch, Fawn and Hayley's Community Notices.

Well, all the weird and wonderful things that you see on your local Facebook pages. If you see anything, screenshot it, send it in to us on our socials, FVHZM. This one has been a cracker. This one's been doing the rounds. I didn't do the usual intro for Community Notices. Welcome to the Community Notices. This has been a show with...

This one's been a cracker on the Heartwater buy and sell page. I saw this. Brand new, unopened Xbox One S. Was a Valentine's gift, but he got me nothing, so now we're both going to have nothing. Please buy. Whoa. Cool, cool, cool, cool.

You pulled the trigger. That's a big move. That's a relationship built to last. I love it. But then wouldn't you be, well now, here's the thing about giving someone a gift when they haven't got you a gift. You've now set the bar on gift expectation in return to which this person, if they are any decent sort of person, should match. But also maybe you did that thing where you'd had that discussion beforehand and he said, are we doing gifts?

And you're like, no, we're not the couple that does gifts. And then you've gone overboard with the gifts, in which case you're not allowed to be angry with them. Yeah, I agree. You made a verbal contract and you completely blew it. But anyway, if you want to buy one of those and you're in Harwood, I'd get amongst. This is Second Chance Southland page.

Craig writes, free stuff on the deck and to a tulpity. Oh, home of our giant sausage monument. Question mark. Question mark. Question mark on that. Has that disappeared? We did a thing a few years ago, Hayley, where we ran a competition about a town that was famous for something

but didn't have a monument for it. And the people of Tuatopuri spoke at volume of the fact that they're the sausage capital of New Zealand but they didn't have a sausage monument. We had one made. We transported it down. There was a ceremony to give them the sausage. It danced around the town.

Yeah, it did. Last seen at the last light. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's our sausage. That's us with the sausage. Look, that photo on the left. This is because of you. Yeah, but then it danced around and eventually...

It's in a farm there. Because it was at the last light lodge. It was at the last light lodge, but I don't know where it is now. And I know I had various people message me they went through to Otopro due to the Humperidge track. And did they not see it? And they're like, we can't find it. And the locals don't know where it's gone.

Oh, good, good. Someone's hidden the sausage. They've played hide the sausage. Well, if anybody's passing through, Carwain at the social media disc is reporting a message on social media saying that somebody reported and messaged that it had been broken and disappeared. Well, it sounds to me like we need to get back to Toa Topri. Someone's been riding the sausage, for sure.

It was polystyrene. It should never have been ridden. What polystyrene? It was going to cost us so much more to get it fiberglass coated. And this was before the day that everybody was effing around with resin. You know everyone's effing around with resin now. You know this was five years ago. That polystyrene sausage has not survived the outdoors.

Well, that was why it was initially supposed to be indoors. It was on display at the Foursquare. But then I think they wanted it moved. At least on it with a covered veranda or something. But you know what? If the same owners

are still rocking the last light lodge, I'd recommend staying there. That was the most blowout Tuesday night I've ever had in my life. It was a good time. I didn't know they were

New Zealand's sausage capital when I apologised for that. Yeah, but they might be the sausage capital but do they respect the monument? Do they respect the sausage? It doesn't sound like they actually respect sausage.

Well, this post from Tuatopuri isn't about sausages. Craig said, free stuff on the deck in Tuatopuri. Make sure you talk to me before you take anything. And then there's a photo. There's like a pram, a plastic high chair, a car seat, a kid's little like four-wheel drive thing. So it looks like he's just got rid of his kids. And he's got a whole lot of stuff to sell.

Anyway, he's edited the post. It says, make sure you talk to me before you take anything. Plastic high chair, gone. Car seat, gone. Kids 4x4 car, gone. Pram, gone. Stolen by someone. Not told.

Oh. Okay. To which somebody replied, you should have said on the original post that they should consult you before taking anything. Saying stuff is free and on the deck gives open invitation to come in and take whatever you want. Don't be mad about stuff being taken when you said it could be taken. I think we found the person that took the brandy.

It sounds like it. I think we found the person. Do they have the sausage as well? Do they have our sausage? No sign of any sausages in that post from Tua Tolpity. Damn. It's a damn shame. Next up, Sue has posted,

I'm sorry I don't know exactly where this has come from, but Sue said, I was walking along the beach this morning and I found this down by the surface. Anybody got any idea who it might belong to? And you were close when you said a foot. It's a prosthetic leg, but one of those Oscar Pistorius Blade Runner legs. Oh, the Blade Runner.

Oh, okay. Now, surely there wouldn't be many people that... I'm not saying there wouldn't be a lot of amputees in New Zealand, but not everybody would have a blade. And they are not cheap either. You'd notice if it was missing. And the top of the bladed leg has a really definitive, almost a tie-dye appearance.

Oh, okay. Like it's a blue, the colours are shimmering, tie-dye type appearance. But do you. Like it's a blue the colours are shimmering tie-dye type appearance. But do you think somebody was swimming with their blades? No, you wouldn't go swimming with your blade. Maybe they took their blade off to go swimming and it got swept away and now it's washed back up. Oh, goodness me. I don't know.

I don't know, but you could definitely have a look. Let's go to the Hibiscus Coast page now where Sasha writes, who wants these number plates no longer needed? That says Jesus Christ above the plate and then says J-C-L-V-Z-U

so that says Jesus Christ loves you and then the words below cement that saying loves you. So Jesus Christ loves you and she said no longer needed. Well, I tell you what, there was a real outpouring of support for Sasha to come back to the Lord from Hibiscus

Coast Christians. No longer needed. I'm very sorry to hear about that. I hope you'll reconsider joining our flock. Somebody else said, have you been a naughty girl? Lol. Somebody else said, if you have been a naughty girl, the Lord always forgives. I want to know what's happened.

Why she says it had a falling out with JC. Why she turned her back on Christ. I would also get this if I was John Campbell, I'd get this for my wife. Yeah. JC loves you. Or if your initials are JC. Yeah, you could get this. Because you could get it reprinted with that or you could just put a bit

of tape across the Jesus Christ at the top. But yeah, I mean, if you're into that and you want people to know that Jesus Christ loves them, those number plates are available on the Hibiscus Coast community page. What are they asking for? No price. No price? Oh, $500.

That's not bad for a Christian. Oh, that's a steal for a plate. If you're a Christian. That's a good one. Especially if you're a Christian. Yeah. Because you've got so much money because you're not spending it on sin. On sin, yeah. Oh, the Christian. That's a good one. Especially if you're a Christian. Yeah. Because you've got so much money because you're not spending it on sins.

On sin, yeah. Oh, the amount of money I blow on sins. Yeah. All of them. Gluttony. Sloth. Sometimes I just pay someone

to lay around and get a massage. That's sloth. Oh, yeah. Gluttony. I eat too much. Yeah. All the other sins. Lust.

Sex stuff. Yeah, lust. I'm always paying for sex stuff. Oh, my weekly budget for sex stuff. My accountant's made a special code. Lust. Yeah, it's the lust code. One of the seven deadlies.

I've got time for one more. I'm just going to pop through and see which one I want to pick. Nope. I'm glad we waited. I'm glad we waited.'m glad we waited No no no That was just saying no To that specific one I want to talk about this one

Because you both like cats And this is like A cat I want Because it's about a Maine Coon Which is like a dream cat I want a Maine Coon I've never had one In fact if you've got a Maine Coon

Hit me up I'm in the business I'm in the arena for a cat My cat died I don't want to talk about it But I am ready to move on with a new cat. A Maine Coon. Oh, please get a Maine Coon.

But can you make it one that you can put on a leash and take places and bring it to work? Oh, 100%. Please. I think that's the deal with a Maine Coon. Aren't they like $2,000? Who cares? I don't care. I'll pay $2 million.

I'm going to train it to hunt. Oh, yes. I'll take it hunting. Truffle hunting. Yes! You'll regret this when your Maine Coon drags in your dead goat carcass. If it killed the goat, I wouldn't even be angry. It would be like when that dog ate the wheel of cheese on Anchorman. I wouldn't be angry.

I'd rather. I'm impressed. So Carly writes on the Whangamata notice board. Shush, please. Carry on. Carly writes on the Whangamata notice board. This is Frank please. Carry on. Carly writes on the Whangamata notice board, this is Frank. Someone is feeding Frank in the area

and he's not coming home at night for his normal dinner. He's a very much loved part of our family. He has a nervous disorder which makes him lick his tummy and sometimes it gets a bit raw. Oh, yes, my cat did that. Licked himself raw. Really? Is that like when people can't stop pulling their hair out?

Yeah, it's like trichlemania, like anxiety. Yeah. He's coming back smelling of perfume scent, so I know he's been around someone's house. What perfume? Is it J-Lo Glow? Hugo Boss? Joop?

My cat's coming home from the 1990s smelling of Joop. And CK1. Please, if you've seen him around, let me know. He doesn't wear a collar, but he is microchipped. And then they say, whereabouts they live. He's a big, beautiful, blue-eyed ginger puss.

Oh, I want it. Do you want me to show you a picture of Frank? The Maine Coon ginger puss? He's cool. That's what I've got in mind. Oh, I want one. That's what I want.

Trying to drag a goat carcass through the cat door. You know what I'm saying? Tonk, tonk, tonk. You're like, what's that noise? Ah, it's the horns. They won't fit through the cat door. You know what I'm saying? Tonk, tonk, tonk. You're like, what's that noise? Ah, it's the horns. They won't fit through the cat door. I am not even angry.

I'm very impressed. Those are today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page, screen cap it and why don't you send it to ours, FVHZM. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. So this weekend is my birthday and I am turning 30 and... 30 plus 10. I'm turning 40 and I don't even give a goddamn.

I'm not ashamed of my age. I've lived some years. I'm having a great old time. You embrace it. Life's a ball. I'm halfway to shitting my pants and probably being dead, to be totally honest with you. I don't know that you're halfway. Your back's pretty ball. I'm halfway to shitting my pants. I'm probably being dead, to be totally honest with you. I don't know that you're halfway.

Your back's pretty broken. Right. You're saying it's imminent. I reckon you're like three quarters of the way. To poo my pants? Maybe two thirds. I reckon 60. You think I'm going to be pooing my pants at 60?

I reckon you're going to be cat cat cat. Oh, man. If I'm pooing my pants at 60. You eat a lot of red meat. Yeah, I do. You eat a lot of red meat. I had a colonoscopy and he said clean as a whistle. Oh, really?

He actually kissed his hand and smacked it when it was done. Yeah, I think. Beautiful spank there. Don't laugh there. The whole 1.2 metres I saw on this cam was perfect. Anyway, 40. Looking forward to it. No midlife crisis.

40 feeling naughty? Oh, yeah, 40 feeling naughty. Why not? Give that a go. I'm ready to Oh yeah, 40 feeling naughty. Why not? Give that a go. I'm ready to leave behind the dirty 30s. But this weekend I've been told

the minute work finishes I am to have zero plans. On Friday? Yeah. Okay, because we are going to do something for your birthday on Friday.

Yes, we are. Here on the show. No, but during the show. No, I can't. No, you absolutely can. I simply can't. We will be are. Here on the show. No, but during the show. No, I can't. No, you absolutely can. I simply can't. We will be telling listeners more about this tomorrow. Yes.

After 8 o'clock. Oh, I love that. It's a secret. After 8 o'clock on the show. Okay, cool. Yeah. I might have Omicron. No, you won't.

But then tomorrow, also my wife said, after work, you need to meet me at that mall in Newmarket. Okay. I'm like, why? And she said. You hate malls. I hate malls. Yeah.

Too many people. It's a good mall. As far as malls go, it's a pretty good mall. There's a Lego store. Yeah, you love Lego. I love going to the Lego store. Was that why she's meeting me? Maybe she's getting me some birthday Lego.

She's finally getting me the Lego Defender. You get like a shopping trolley and she's like, you've got two minutes. Fill up. And she sets a time when you go through the Lego store. That could be a million dollar trip to a Lego store. That really could be. That could be very expensive.

Right. So to meet her there. She's getting you a massage. No. A mall massage. No, no, she wouldn't. Vaughn loves a mall massage. No, no, she wouldn't. Vaughn loves a mall massage. Yeah, no, it's not that.

My suspicion is whatever's happening this weekend calls for clothes that aren't T-shirts from AS Colour. And my Milwaukee Bucks hat. That's what I think. Right. And my jorts from Helen Stein's. I love jorts. You do love jorts from Helen Stein's. I love jorts. You do love jorts from Helen Stein's.

I love jorts. You can't go past the Helen Stein's jort. Here's why. 20 bucks. God, he loves a jort. I love a jort. Yeah. I can't wear track pants.

The track shorts. Why not? I'm a pocket guy. Look at pockets. They're rubbish pockets. You sit down and whatever's in your pockets tumbles out. I've got zips on my track shorts. Yeah, but how much are you paying for your track shorts?

Not $20. No, definitely not. Yeah, no, you spend a bit more money on your track shorts. Whereas I'm just like, that's $20 for a jort, and you get four tight pockets. Okay, right, yeah. That's $5 a pocket. That's all I'm paying for.

I can't believe women buy pants without pockets. I love pockets. I got pockets today in the skirt. That was the worst thing about skirts is all the time there's no pockets. That's why you stop wearing skirts isn't it? Exactly. It was purely a pocket situation. Not comfortable otherwise. Yeah. That's why there's always a purse.

Is this why women carry purses? Isn't that popular? It is. So you reckon that maybe you're going to get a suit fitted? Oh, God, no. I just imagined, oh, gosh, she's going to try to get me in a linen shirt again. Oh, beautiful. I did a linen shirt for the wedding recently. Just don't go white because I could actually see my nips.

But I thought linen was like you could get a thicker linen that would be nip. Well, no, even this was a thicker linen But I was like If it rains I'm screwed Everyone will see My tiny Yeah they are Microscope

And they're on the side But um People will be like If it rains Yeah people will be like Why are there buttons And they'd flick And it would be your nip

We know Little dark Little dark tiny button nips That's why I went for A blue linen shirt For the wedding Just to hide any Nips

Did they do a black linen? I didn't see many. A lot of light colours, a lot of greens, earthy colours. Yes. Yeah. Sort of clay red. Yeah. So what do you think?

She's taking you away and she wants to dress you up. I think that's... She's going to try to get me a short sleeve shirt, which I don't do. I only do long sleeve shirts and then I roll them up halfway up the forearm that's a Vaughan Smith hard and fast rule

that's an Aaron Courtesy special Aaron and I I think we match on a lot of levels and it can't be just like a comfortable clothes right

yeah you gotta roll it yeah it's nothing too fancy yeah but yeah I think she's gonna try to get me into some but this is gonna be me

how much? No. Do you know how much jorts cost a house? It looks nice. Have we thought about just another pair of jorts? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM's. ZM's Add to Cart.

But Add to Cart returns today. Bree is picking all of the items in the cart today. My cart yesterday. G gave away the Apple Watch. A whole bunch of goodies. And I sort of slammed you a bit because I thought the rest of yours would be crap. Yeah. Because you've blown it all on the big ticket item at 8 o'clock. It was good stuff.

A bit of a UE speaker in there. Yep. I had a Kmart voucher and I did the, well, I did run out of cash. I had to do $20 service station sunglasses. Oh, well, you know, nothing wrong with that. A bit of speed dealers, mate. Back and fash. Can't go wrong.

So today's card, Brie is picking everything. And her first item, you've actually had a little bit of a nosy over today's card. I'm using my acting to look surprised. It is a Nintendo Switch console. Is that exciting? That's exciting, isn't it? Yeah, that's exciting. Carwin got one of those for Valentine's Day.

It was a joint purchase pre-Valentine's Day. Could have just waited, Carwin, and got one of your own right here. Have you had custody of the Nintendo Switch yet, or is that still... Put my headphones on one minute. She's having trouble getting her headphones on. Is this your first day that you've worked headphones before? She's drunk on eclairs. Now can you hear us? I was busy eating my breakfast, alright?

You're eating a breakfast sandwich. You're a monster. I don't have time to make toast. Yeah, we toast at this time of day. Have you had custody of the Nintendo Switch in your relationship yet? No. No! This was not a joint purchase.

Yeah, he's got one over here. He bamboozled you. You involuntarily put him in a gift. No, my Animal Crossing game hasn't arrived yet. Oh, okay. Next week.

Well, let's see. Let's see. Alright, that's the first item. Georgia will give you the next one at 11. There'll be items at 2 and 4 as well. And then if you're

the first caller through with Brian Clint at 5 o'clock, you can name all of those items. If you're the first through, you win all of them. Coming up, of course, yesterday was Valentine's Day and Kanye West made a big gesture to his ex. Well, yesterday was Valentine's Day in the States. They are a day behind us. And so the news came out that Kanye West,

who had been dating Julia Fox. Yep. What does she do? Dates Kanye West. Fame. Fame. Young Carween. I think fame.

I think that's her thing. What is Julia Fox? What is she? What is she? See, I'd never heard of her until she started dating Kanye, but I think she's a model. A model. Yeah, fame. See, I told you.

Fame. You didn't listen. Well, they'd been dating, of course, and Kim is, of course, dating Pete Davidson. And then moments, hours after he had split from his girl, from Julia Fox, Kanye, and he declared his love for Kim again online and demanded that fans yell Kimye forever

at Pete Davidson on the street. He sent over a truck, a ute, and the whole tray of the ute is filled with these sort of elaborate looking red roses. Well, it would have been so expensive. To her house, yeah. I mean, he's a bajillionaire, so. And he's even screen printed the car saying,

my vision is crystal clear with K and K. Oh. Crystal clear. It's over. It's over, bro. It's been over for a while. Not only that, but. It's also, it's so messy.

It's like teenagers, eh? Well, the whole, this whole, I mean, we haven't even touched on it this week, but the whole situation's terrible. Like, he's been sharing private messages from Kim and from Pete Davidson and then shared a message where Kim was like, you're going to get him hurt.

Like, you've got to stop doing this. And he was like, I'm sorry. It's nothing but love. I'll tell people not to hurt him physically. Just to abuse him emotionally. Kim didn't comment on the delivery because it's over, bro. Yeah. It's over.

So we wanted to know from you. It is so sad. We wanted to know, when did an ex really just not get the message that it was over? Like sending you gifts after you'd broken them up. Would you, say you'd broken up with someone and you'd made it very clear, it is over, I do not want you

in my life, and they sent to your workplace a gift, would you keep it? Yeah, I'd re-gift though. No, but what if it was something you really, really wanted? Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. You'd keep it. I'd be like, you're a dum-dum. This means nothing, but I'll keep this beautiful piece of jewellery

or whatever it'll be. On the other hand, there's guys that I've known guys that try to break up with girls and they're like, oh, you know, I want to see other people. And the girl's like, no. And they're like, huh? And they're like, no, no, no, no. And then the guy's like, yes, please. And they're like, no. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. And then the guy's like, yes, please.

And they're like, no. No, no, no, no. I'll see you Sunday. Yeah. No, no, no. You're being a silly boy. I'll see you later. I'll come over tomorrow.

I'll see you then. You're so cute. Yeah, yeah, silly boy. I'll stop being silly. Oh, no, can we? Okay, I'll give you a day, but then I'll see you on Sunday. Yeah. You go and play your PlayStation with your silly mates,

and I'll come and see you tomorrow. Bye. And he's like, ah, how do I do this now? I don't think Kim could be any clearer. She's filed for divorce. She's with another man. She's with another man. But he's also got an album coming out, right?

So I just took all of this up to he wants to be top of mind so people will be like, oh, okay, I wonder if the album aptly reflects this losing of the mind that the public is currently experiencing. It's all public. It was really funny when he held up a pad of refill. Did you see that? Yeah.

He had a refill being like, my account has not been hacked. And now everyone's just writing all sorts of funny little things on it. That's good stuff. Yeah. Anyway, so we want to know, when did an ex really not get that it was over? Yeah, maybe they kept sending you gifts. Maybe they kept trying. Maybe they kept ringing, texting.

Maybe they just turned up to things like, hey. Yeah. Especially if you were already with someone else. Yeah, awkward. That's awkward as well, isn't it? All right, well, 0800-DARLS-AT-EVAN is the number. Give us a call. You can text as well.

9696. When did an ex not get that it's over, bro? Well, yesterday in America, Valentine's Day. It was the day of love and romance and Kanye West sent ex, and I highlight the word ex, Kim Kardashian a ute

full of red roses. That must have, honestly, the price. And the truck was screen printed. It's over. Yeah. So we asked you when did your ex really just not get it, that it's over? A couple of messages have come in on Instagram. A couple? Okay.

On Instagram we've had response. Just a couple. We have had quite the response. Really? Somebody admitting, I just want to check with producers, we haven't got this guy on the phone. Someone admitting they were the person. Oh. They were the person that didn't get it.

Right. That didn't, you know, close the book. But is there a, like, give it a try? Or do you think it's all, you just forget about it? Well, I think the thing that makes it notable about Kanye is that it's been so long since they split. And quite publicly. Very publicly.

But it's been so long since they split. So it publicly. Very publicly, but it's been so long since they split. So it's not like there's any confusion. There's no confusion. He just thinks that he is so almighty and powerful. I mean, the man literally thinks he's Jesus Christ, that he'll be able to convince her that she does want him, even though she clearly doesn't. So this message came in from the person that was willing to admit

they were the one that didn't get it. She was my first girlfriend of five years and we were engaged. We ended it due to various reasons, but I still loved her. We still talked after we broke up. Tried to do the friendship thing, but, you know, I always thought we'd get back together. She got with somebody else and it felt horrible. Yeah. And I asked her who was better in bed out of me.

Oh, no, don't do that. Me or him. And she said that was enough and we haven't talked since. Oh, no, don't do that. Me or him. And she said, that was enough and we haven't talked since. No, dude. Don't ask it. I mean, the thing is, don't do that.

She doesn't have to answer it, but also, do you want to know? No, you don't want to know. Do you want to know? Why are you even thinking about her doing that? My ex proposed when he found out

I was a month into a new relationship. See, that's the thing. You can't propose from the position of an ex. No. You can't do that. Kristen joins us.

When did an ex not get that it was over, Kristen? Hi. Right. So I had broken up with my ex about a week prior to going to Hawaii. And I'd been with him for like four or five months, but I knew that it was not the right relationship. And so he didn't take it super well,

but I was like, it's definitely over. And so I was in Hawaii and I got a text from him. He's like, where are you? I was like, oh, you know, I was nice to him. I was like, I'm on the beach in Hawaii. And he's like, oh, like, where at? And I was like, oh, you know. Oh no, the phone's gone. He went to Hawaii, didn't he? He went to Hawaii, didn't he?

Kristen. Kristen. Oh, God, he turned up in Hawaii. He bought flights to Hawaii. Hope he didn't just cut her phone off. He's like, I'll show her. I'll show her. We'll see if we can get Kristen back.

Let's go to Anne. Anne, when did an ex not get that it was over? Hi, guys. How you doing? Good to Anne. Anne, when did an ex not get that it was over? Hi, guys. How you doing? Good. Thanks. Hi, yeah, been probably over a year, I suppose. And, yeah, Valentine's Day, massive bunch of roses arrived.

Over a year after breaking up? Yeah, hasn't quite got it yet. No. Hasn't quite got it. How can you... Wake up, dum-dum. I just don't understand this, like, they don't get it thing.

I'm like, it just takes a sentence. We're not together anymore. You've a year later been like... Exactly. Anne, thanks. We do have Kristen back. Kristen, was he in Hawaii? Yeah.

So the gist of it was he texted to find out where I was, and then he showed up on my family holiday in Hawaii. That's creep behavior. Yeah, no. That's creep behavior. So did you have to say, look, it's over? Or were you just like, oh, well, you're here now. Let's just.

I like hung out with him for like 20 minutes and kind of like took him away from the family. And I said, what are you doing? And he's like showing you how much I love you and care about you.

And I was just like, I can't do this. And so I did have to say it was over. And I met him for one more lunch. It was super cringy to deal with in front of everyone. And my family had lots of questions.

Yeah, that would have been so awkward. So awkward. Kristen, thanks for sharing. More messages in. No shortage. I broke up with a guy. He was like, okay, and just left. And I was like, that was unusual.

And then he came back 20 minutes later with McDonald's Sundays. McDonald's show sponsor, McDonald's. Show sponsor, yeah. Show sponsor, McDonald's. Came back with McDonald's Sundays. I was like, what are you doing here? He's like, sometimes you get a bit silly.

Oh, you must be hungry. You blood sugars are low. You know what you get like. Woo, cuckoo, cuckoo. I've got you some blood sugar. It's gaslighting. I'd probably give someone another six months if they brought me a sundae.

I just probably do it every day and then ice cream comes to you. Yeah. I read out, oh no, they say if you read this out. Okay. Anonymous rights. Okay. I broke up with a girl.

She was Christian. Okay. When I ended it, she replied with, I just spoke to God. Isn't that amazing? He's giving me a picture of a flower blossoming. Now, my interpretation is that means although things are hard right now, they will get so much better for us. So you can't break up with me because that's not what God wants. You can't argue with God. And I said to her, not my God. And that's

hard to argue with as well because if your God's showing you something else, that's a battle of the gods. There's thousands. Yeah. Thousands of gods. Okay. Tangaroa, my God. Yeah, right. Ocean. So what's up? What's your thoughts? And he spl. Okay. Tangaroa, my god. Yeah, right. Like an ocean. Yeah. So what's up? What's your thoughts? And he splashes a wave.

I'm like, well, that's a sign. You're wet. Well, we could be. Let's get back together and find out. That wasn't appropriate. It was. It was rude. It was really.

It's 8.30. It was. It's disgusting. My sister's ex didn't get the hint. After months, he still gave her gifts and then in front of our family tried to propose to her. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't even know where to look.

I was the one who didn't get it. We just weren't compatible for a relationship, but sexually we were. So we tried friends with benefits for a while, but I just considered this the ongoing shape of the relationship. You've got to work out if the person that you're breaking up with is capable of a no strings. And if they aren't, you've got to set them free, right?

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Somebody else said, yes, this happened to me. I just didn't get the clue. Although it was an extremely valuable life lesson. And now I completely understand why and I don't blame it. What a beautiful moment of growth for that person.

Twelve years later, he still messages me, proposing a reconnection. And if he sees me, he breaks down crying. He's moved to a different country now because he couldn't stand seeing me happy. You're his one true love. Yeah. Oh country now because he couldn't stand seeing me happy. You're his one true love. Yeah. Oh, my God.

He couldn't have you. Yeah. And he means nothing to you. He's dirt on your shoe. I have broken up with this guy to the point where even my boss had explained to him, it is over. Please stop coming to this workplace. And on Valentine's Day, I was staying with my parents.

I'd never told them where they lived. And my car was covered with roses in the morning when I got up. Oh, okay. Ew. Yeah. Creep. That's... Unless they plant...

Did they park under a rose tree? Because there's been a lot of wind. It's fallen down. A lot of wind. A rose tree? Yeah. You know how... You know rose trees?

Famously. Roses growing... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big trees. Big trees. Big trees. Ten years since separation and eight years since our relationship started, my soon-to-be husband's ex-wife still doesn't get that it's over between them.

She sends him inappropriate texts, gifts. She cries to their kids and mutual friends that she wants them back. She's the one that cheated on him. Yeah, you've got to move on. Plenty of fish in the sea. Plenty of plastic in the sea. Actually, there's a lot less fish now. We're overfishing.

Damn. God damn. But if you're into microplastics, boy, I've got an ocean full of them. You guys are going to love this.

Yeah, 100%. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about the chocolate chip cookie. Okay. Because you know how we only just found out Chia Bata.

Chia Bata? That was the bread. It's the same age as me. 1982 out Chia Bata. Chia Bata? That was the bread. Same age as me. 1982, Chia Bata bread came around. Remember, we all had our minds blown, didn't we? Yeah, we did. We thought it was medieval. Yeah.

This perhaps not that, you know, exaggerated, but it surprised me. How old do you think the chocolate chip cookie is? Oh, 30s. 1930s. Yeah, when did chocolate chips come in? I wouldn't, again, because... I mean, chocolate's been around forever, hasn't it?

I don't know. I don't know. 1939, the invention of the chocolate chip cookie. You got it. Atta boy. This is why I'm really good on the chase questions sometimes. Do you know the thing that annoys me about the chase questions is sometimes they ask a question and it's got

like a fruity beginning but then they'll say like there's only one real option and I think people get too taken with the fruity bit at the beginning. Right. Example. Okay, what's your example? They would be like

what Egyptian city and the minute, what Egyptian city? And the minute it says Egyptian city, I only know Cairo. So Cairo is my immediate answer. And the answer will be Cairo. But it'll be like, what Egyptian city do swans live in trees and eat plums? And you're like, Cairo? And he's like, bing, next question.

And it's always the most obvious answer. Yes. Get dressed up with some fruitiness. And then psychologically you go like, it can't be Cairo. It can't be Cairo. It's too easy and it's too obvious. There must be another Egyptian city, but it's not. Just stick to Cairo.

It's always the most obvious. There was a question about a German city last night. Right. I didn't see last night. And I was just like, Berlin? And the answer was Berlin because it's the most well-known German city. What I'm saying is there's a hack to the chase. If you're ever on the chase,

it's always Chiron. Ignore the fruitiness and just go with your gut instinct. That's my good tip there, Vore. That's just a side fact. Just for anyone who could end up on the chase. The woman who invented the chocolate chip cookies name is Ruth Wakefield.

Of course it's Ruth. Of course it's Ruth. Now, did she have an accident in the kitchen where she had a cup of chocolate and it tipped into the cookie dough? Not a bad guess there. Carl Peter Fletcher. He is on fire.

She owned a lodge in Whitman, Massachusetts. Massachusetts. Massachusetts. Imagine if they made Worcestershire sauce in Massachusetts. That's all I'm saying. Those are two very hard words to say. if they made Worcestershire sauce in Massachusetts. That's all I'm saying. Those are two very hard words to say.

What kind of Worcestershire sauce do you like? Oh, the one made in Massachusetts. You simply must have the Massachusetts sauce. Yep. So she owned a lodge that was called

the Toll House Inn and one day she was famous for she always treated her guests to her baking. So much so that she released a cookbook called The Tollhouse Tried and True Recipes by Ruth Wakefield. Okay.

And one day she was making some biscuits, just some biscuits, and she didn't have her usual ingredients that she scattered throughout, raisins. Yeah. Oh, God. Oaten raisin. I was a fan and now I'm out. Yeah.

This is 1939. You know, you've just come out of. I was a fan and now I'm out. This is 1939. You know, you've just come out of the Depression. You've got war on the horizon. You've got to make the most of everything. This is true. But she didn't have any. So she had some baking chocolate, a semi-sweet bar of Nestle baking chocolate.

Okay. And she was like, well, if I smash them up, they'll look a bit like raisins. So she cut and smashed and sprinkled throughout, thinking then, actually, when I bake them, the chocolate will melt throughout, and I'll have a chocolate biscuit. Yeah.

But she did not. They did not melt. Oh, okay. They sort of like gooed up, but didn't melt, and thus the chocolate chip cookie was born. People ate them, and they immediately said, Ruth, Ruth. Struth, Ruth. Struth, Ruth. What have you done? And that's how chocolate chip cookie was born. People ate them and they immediately said, Ruth. Struth, Ruth. Struth, Ruth.

What have you done? And that's how chocolate chip cookies were born. And it took off, yep. And the chocolate chip cookie, initially called the Toll House Crunch Cookie, was printed in a Boston newspaper and then quickly became one of America's favourites and was the sole purpose for Ruth Wakefield's

Toll House Tried and True recipe book, selling throughout the United States, not just in Massachusetts. Do we have the recipe? Is she, what, a brown sugar base, white sugar base? There are quite a few online, yeah. There is. There's the original Nestle semi-sweet, because they then said to Ruth, can we do this recipe?

And she was like, of course, silly old Ruth. She should have said, no, Nestle, pay me millions of dollars. And if you're in America, you buy, when you're at the supermarket, you buy Nestle chocolate chips. You can buy the cookie dough. You can buy the cooking chocolate. Yeah. It's Toll House is the brand.

And she was also the main reason when they did this. So cooking chocolate then started coming. And you know how you get like a king size block of chocolate and it'll be like, how many squares across? Six. Yeah. Six by 10 or whatever. They started making them heaps smaller so you could crack

it off and then crack them up into chocolate chip size easier. Wow. Especially because of Ruth. Now I want really good chocolate chip. Same. I'm just looking at them. They look like the ones that are like sort of thin and like gooey. A bit doughy. Still a little bit doughy. You don't want to overcook your cookies.

That's a big mistake people make. They make them too crunchy. I've got a great caramilk soft cookie. A lot of brown sugar, butter. Yeah. Yeah. So many in lockdown. So today's fact of the day is the chocolate chip cookie was born in 1939,

meaning my nan is older than the chocolate chip cookie. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. I've opened it. It's a box. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I've opened it. It's a box. So there's a box on the, there's a saga. There's a saga here. And I want to talk about, oh, Patsy Sproul.

Patsy Sproul's messaged me. What's she going to say? Because I'm about to ring you out, Patsy, on air. This is your mum, Patsy. Mum, I'm going to start wanting a cut. I need to get me an agent. Yeah, you do, probably. You need to get you some common sense, Patsy,

because I've had a message yesterday from reception saying that a box had arrived for me and got very excited. They said on the box it says, Patsy to pick up, Patsy is my mother. Yeah. I was like, what is this? So my mum has been making online purchases yeah on trade me for odd items that can't be shipped down to Wellington where she resides and where she should be shopping so instead she keeps asking me to go and do like run around Auckland the

biggest city in the country to go and pick up all of her purchases and I was like, no, I'm not going to do it. I can't get there. That place is not convenient to me. The woman lives in an apartment so she can't leave it out. I've got to work within her time frame. It's not going to work. This has been going for weeks now. And so she organised to

have the woman drop it off here. We're not allowed to receive personal mail here. We get told allowed to receive personal mail here. We get told off. I know, but it's not even been shipped. A woman dropped it off saying, this is for Patsy Sproul. But at least then you didn't have to

go to the woman's house to pick it up. I know, but I've done so many of these for Patsy. The worst one, you know what was trending in the landscaping world not long ago was old water troughs. Oh, right. And you'd fill them up with plants. She bought a water...

Can I tell you how heavy these things are? Are they concrete? Was it a concrete one or one of those old steel... Concrete. Yeah, was it like... Like angled and a flat on the back. An old outdoor laundry tub. Thank you.

I know exactly what you're talking about. Those things weigh a goddamn ton. So my mum bought one, pick up at Auckland only, and she just goes, oh yeah, that's... Bye now. That's where Hayley lives. And then goes,

can you go out to the North Shore and pick up this thing I bought on trade? And I was like, yeah, I'll go. I turn up there. In the Mazda? In the Mazda. Oh, it's not going in a Mazda.

And the woman's like, yeah, it's out the back. This is a concrete tub the size of Africa. Well, yeah, you'd need to take Aaron's ute. And then she's like, well, next time that you drive down to Wellington. I don't have any plans. So now it lives at my house, just living there. What have I got under?

Patsy, I've got a light fixture in my spare room, just in a box, and she just leaves it there. She came and stayed, and I came back, and I was like, what's that box? She's like, oh, it's just a light I picked up in Auckland. I was like, well, how are you going to get it down? Well, I don't have any check-ins, so I'll just have to leave it there. I don't want your light. We've done it, because I've been asked,

I remember when I first moved to Auckland, a friend was like, hey, I've got this thing on Trade Me. Can you go pick it up? And I was like, oh, okay. It was like 45 minutes drive away. I'm going to have a look what it is. I did it. We asked online.

We ran a poll asking someone to pick your Trade Me order up for you. Yes or no? Yep, totally fine. 38%. And nah, get it yourself. Nah, get it yourself. 62%. I'm on nah, get it yourself. Oh God, it's a bloody, it's a jug. It's one of those you know those like country

Oh my God! From the 90s. Water paint, water paint. Chicken blue and green jugs. What is she, decorating a French? My mum's collected these since the 90s. Is it to go in a house with sort of like a French farm? Yeah, she does have sort of a French-inspired style.

French-inspired country farmhouse? I don't know. Wow, now that you've had a go at her on here, she's not going to be ordering anything on Trade Me, is she? Is that the idea? Do you know what she will do? She'll ring me and say, well, come get your shit out of my garage. Oh, yeah.

My parents called that. I did. And now my brother and sister have still got stuff there. This guy's absolutely, oh, no, no, it's bullshit. I've got bikes and stuff there, actually. Okay. But you're the parent. When you birthed me,

you knew that you would have to, for the rest of your days, carry around my old crap that I don't want in my home. You have to have in your home papers and ticket stubs and photos and like 50 Barbie dolls. That's your problem. You're

the mother. Right. Don't make your personal deliveries to my workplace. So, no more trade me pickups for mum. I'll do them. Begrudgingly. You just have a whinge about it. But no more concrete tubs. trade me pickups for mum? I'll do them. Begrudgingly. You just have a whinge about it. But no more concrete tubs. That's a weight limit situation.

Yeah. You can't ask someone to pick up something that they can't actually pick up. Hailey, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Sandwiches. Sandwiches. I love sandwiches. I love them so much. I love a wrap. I love a wrap. love them so much. I love a wrap.

I love a wrap. I'm going to go wrap over a sandwich. Yeah, I'm going to wrap. I don't know. I've recently returned to the world of sandwiches because I was a keto girl for two years. And the ease. I love a fridge sandwich.

Like, open the fridge. What's in the fridge? 100%. That's the best sort of sandwich. But a ham? That's a good sandwich. Get a bit of sandwich on there. Mayo. A plastic cheese

slice. Plastic cheese slice? Lettuce? Yeah. Cut up some steak. Get a thin bit of steak on there. Yeah. I did mention the other day I made a chip sammy. Yeah. Good stuff. Well, the question we asked today was which way when you make your sandwich do you cut it? Do you go straight down the middle? Or diagonally? Yeah. Like a

triangle sandwich or a rectangle sandwich? Yeah. I've converted. Okay. Because when you cut on a diagonal, which is the more aesthetically pleasing and it makes you feel like you've got more sandwich for your buck. Correct. The corners are a bit thin,

and so sometimes the filling can fall out of one of the points. Whereas if you go hard, there's a lot more sort of girth around it, a lot more sort of like holding it together. Have you ever been in a cafe or like a, I don't know, place where you buy sandwiches, and they cut down the middle and not diagonal? It looks weird, eh? If you're a professional,

you need to be cutting it diagonal. The only time in a bakery that they would cut them rectangularly would be if they're trying to market them as a club sandwich. As a club. And then they cut the crusts off, whereas if they cut it on diagonal, A, it looks bigger. B, they can pack all the good stuff at the front so it looks like a thick sandwich,

but they've really sold the back half short. Can you do a diagonal club? Yes, you can. That's more of your high-T, sort of classier style. Oh, yeah, okay. But also, if you were going to do a diagonal club, you would need to do two diagonals. Oh, yeah, little ones.

Not just the one triangle. You'd do two diagonals, and then it makes it a smaller one. So you get four clubs per sandwich. Yeah, but then they look smaller. Yeah, okay. A lot to consider here while making sandwiches. Well, my Auntie Margaret used to make a sandwich in a jelly mould. Now, that sounds crazy, but hang on.

Hang on. Auntie Margaret? She used to get a sandwich in a jelly mold. Now, that sounds crazy, but hang on. Hang on. Auntie Margaret? She used to get white bread and cut the crusts off and get like a cake or a jelly mold and push bread in quite hard. Right. And then add the ingredients and then push more bread in on top and then flip it up the other way and take the thing off. That's like a pie. A sandwich pie. No, because it had a hole in the middle.

It was like a cake. Cake ring. Yeah, cake ring. Cake ring with sandwich in it. There was something about it. It was the most delicious. I remember it growing up. And it would be a round sandwich with a hole in it.

Yeah, and then she'd cut you. When she was cutting you a slice of cake, she'd cut you a thing of cake. Stop trying to be so posh, Aunty Margaret. Time consuming too. I don't believe it was posh. She's Dutch. I believe it was a money saving situation.

This is a slight against the Dutch people. It certainly does. It certainly did sound like it. It did sound like it. The thing about the Dutch, they're used to feeding a big lot of people. Again, not a slight against the Dutch. Okay.

But big families, big families. Mums can't keep their legs shut. Again, not a slight against the Dutch. Oh my God. Dad's horny dudes. Horny dudes in wooden shoes. Again, not a slight against the Dutch. Oh, my God. Dad's horny dudes. Horny dudes in wooden shoes. Again, not a slight against the Dutch. It's the wooden shoes that make you so horny.

Oh, they do? Yeah. When I see them, I'm like, oh, even the sound of it. What's the sound? I need the sound of wood. Clippity cloppity. Yeah. Ah!

You walk in, mum's undressed, ready for dad. Our silly... Leave on the wooden shoes. They... Silly little poll results. Can we get to those now? Sandwiches cut diagonally or straight. So close. Diagonal, just taking it out.

53% of people prefer a diagonal sandwich. 47% prefer a straight cut. Is that closer than you thought it would be? Yeah, it definitely is. I thought it would have been heavy on the diagonal. Same. You thought it would be? Yeah, it definitely is. I thought it would have been heavy on the diagonal. Same. You thought it would be very much diagonal. Megan writes, how is this even a question?

The tries always taste better. And if you cut it into quarters or eighths, I'm even happier. Eighths? How bad are your breaths? You're breathing in a sandwich. She's getting a sandwich finger. Yeah. Exactly.

And the diagonals, it's a triangle, it's a ton of little triangles. Hannah is very passionate about this. She said, you've actually, your cilindral pulse

hit me right in the passion point. Yep. Which is exactly what your Dutch dad does to your Dutch mom. Okay, not a slide against the Dutch.

Dutch men know where to find your passion point. They know where to find your passion points. They really do. Yeah, looks like a windmill.

Or a tulip. I should have gone with really do. Yeah, looks like a windmill. Or a tulip. I should have gone with tulip. Yeah. Right in the tulip. Schmuckle pancake. Again, not a slide against the Dutch. Yeah.

I don't want to start some sort of civil war with the Dutch. Very passionate about this. Sandwiches, straight. Yeah. Toasties, diagonal. Oh, toasties diagonal, yeah. That's because of the traditional toastie machine sealing it diagonally. Oh, the pockets of fire.

Yeah, you've got to be very careful. We've got a tomato-based ingredient in that. It'll absolutely toast you. Pixie wants us to know that only monsters cut them straight. And she's a pixie, so she'd know a monster if she saw one. She would. Emily says you get more sandwich when you cut diagonally. Trust me, I'm a maths teacher. It's the same.

Okay, yeah, right. I'm not arguing with that. I need to see your work. You're working there, Emily. Amelia says, the corner fits perfectly in your mouth. It's a great start point. And you never get food on the edges of your mouth because you start it on a diagonal. Whereas.

It's pointed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Amelia's got a small mouth. It certainly sounds like she does. Amelia's got a small mouth. It certainly sounds like she does. She's got a small mouth. I could easily fit a half a sandwich cut straight, straight in the gob hole.

So you've got a giant mouth though, so. Do have a big mouth. Great for biting. And your Dutch dad's got a big mouth. Again, again, again,

the Dutch, your Dutch mum loves it. Lucky says, diagonal breakfast straight for soup. No, you're talking toast. You're talking toast. Yeah, we're talking sandwiches, not toast. You don't dip a ham sandwich in soup.

No. You're a madman. Imagine dipping a ham and cheese toasty in some tomato soup, though. Yes. I'm bored. I'm bored with that. Someone alert the Dutch. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.