ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 17th February 2022

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

Pancake Party! Producer Jared got lost  Silly Little Poll!  Guy Montgomery  Vaughans Upcoming Day of Birth  Aaron was a lil Cutie-Pie  Bet I Can Guess Your Mums Name  Sharde's a Hero  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fleets, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fleets, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe, try the refreshing McCafe iced coffee. It's available now at Macca's. I'm a little bit broken my rules this week. I had four wines last night and I'm having a brioche today. Right, yeah, right in the middle of a brioche right now.

Look, I made it five weeks and I think that's pretty impressive. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. It is. Because last time I was here, I hit the brioche hard. Yeah. Yeah. Those brioches need to be spanked.

Yeah. And I've never quite shaken off the weight that I gained. I like when you have, for example, the brioche today. I also have been brioche free 2022. I had a brioche, but it was dry. Oh, so you're first. And that's good. So now when I'm like, maybe I feel like a brioche, I'll be like, no, the last one I had was bad.

I like when you're craving something and you have it and it's not good, it kills the crave. Yes. And you go like, I don't need that. And the next time. Yeah. It reminds you. And the place we get the brioche from never has pies in the pie warmer when we're at work. I think they come out at like 10.30.

Yeah, but that's good. Yeah, great. It's great. You can't have a pie, a post-work pie at 9 a.m. That would not make you feel good. Why not? I'm pretty sure it would make me feel fantastic. Says the girl who's literally picking brioche out of her teeth right now.

Well, you've done well. Proud of you. Thank you very much. And I am, you know, like I'm back on. I just need a little pause Right Great day For me to Smash a carb heavy dry brioche

After I think I'm getting Clothes or something now You're meeting your wife At the mall Yeah For a I think it's clothes

I think whatever We're doing for my birthday This weekend I don't have Like a suit Adequate attire Could you be getting a suit I put on a suit yesterday

um like just a shirt and tie oh somebody is gay can't say can't say something happened

I'll tell you right I'll tell you later I just don't want to ruin a surprise okay put on a suit someone is gay hey

and then I thought about it with someone no I can't yet okay right if you're that interested you won't be interested I'll tell you Monday But I put on a suit And it was a suit the last time I put on Roomie

I thought I'm not the right roomie I could actually go down a size I put it on and I was like fatty fatty Boomstick needs a new suit Not roomie I did that today I put on a jacket and I went to grab the steering wheel And it just went Now that's because your shoulders have been working out. Working out, bruh.

It's the guns. Thank you so much. It is the guns. And your massive tits. They're whopping heavy kahungas. Yeah, the nungas are really making suits hard to fit now. Thank you so much. Thanks, Rachel.

Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fleeche Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Don't even have your headphones on yet. Nah. One of those days, isn't it? Yeah.

It is a bit. Nearly 40, you've given up. Yeah. I had a good run I like it Actually we all decided We just gave up eh I think I'm going to have A brioche today

And I had four wines last night Boom She back I don't know who I was Pretending to be Yeah no You had a good run though See this water

I'm not going to drink that Nah water's yuck I'm going to drink that That bottle of water Over the course of a week I reckon Yeah And that's enough

What a Let's drop on the microphone It's official I think this is going to be A good show It's over That bottle of water over the course of a week, I reckon. Yeah. And that's enough. Let's drop on the microphone. It's official. I think this is going to be a good show. It's over. It's going to be a good one. What is it today?

Thursday. Thursday today, yep. Your birthday celebrations take part on the show tomorrow. Good stuff. This morning, we're going to announce exactly what we're doing for Vaughan's birthday tomorrow. I'm so excited. And it involves you, the listener. It involves everybody.

It does. It involves the nation. And about seven strippers. And you love... I have a good variety of strippers. Oh, we've got all shapes and sizes. Good. Good, good, good. No strippers.

No strippers. After 7.30, we'll announce that. Coming up on the show, the top six. And Australia getting an NCIS. I thought this was a typo when I saw it. It's NCIS Sydney. Like NCIS... It's a bloody water rat.

But yeah, it's going to be NCIS Sydney Sunday. Sunday. I've got the top six through lines for NCIS Sydney. Carl. Carl. Yeah. You could have a shark. Did you see a shark attack yesterday? Someone got eaten at a beach.

So when you say eaten, like devoured? Yeah, like dead, dead. Oh, no. Far apart. The first one, that's like the 60s. I was going to say that doesn't happen very often. It doesn't happen often, no. No, I love it when you hear those stories of people getting bitten by sharks.

They're like, what did you do? You're like, I punched him in the nose. Yeah, punched it. And that taught it a lesson. It pissed off pretty quick. Pissed off pretty quick? It pissed off pretty quick. Little Bay Beach in New South Wales.

First fatal shark attack in Sydney since 63. Yeah, by the airport. Mind you, we've killed millions and millions of sharks in that time. So I just want everyone to keep that in mind, please. I hate to say it, though. What a way to go. You know what I mean? Yeah.

What ever happened to old Hayley Sproul? Oh, she died. That's so sad. What happened? She got eaten by a shark. Man, she's cool. She's cool. Or a trash compactor.

You got stuck in the trash compactor. She fell asleep in the trash. That's what all happened. She did a few too many ones. You didn't want to pay for the $60 Uber back all the way to where you live. She asleep in the trash. And then got... That's what all happened. She did a few too many ones. You didn't want to pay for the $60 Uber back all the way to where you live. Stay here. That's fair enough. Sleep in the bin.

Yeah. Good for you. Well, a man in San Francisco was told by his wife he needed to make some friends. Fair enough. Oh, wait, he had a wife and she said that? What a bitch. Let the man have no friends and peace.

No, from what I can gather from the story, his friends had moved away because of the pandemic. And it was hard to make new connections. It is hard as an adult. Where do you meet these people if not the workplace and no one's going to work? Well, yeah, if you're working from home and then your work friends or your friends have moved away. Have you made any gaming friends, Vaughn?

Yes. Yes. You know, people stream the Twitch. That's what they do. That's definitely what they do You sounded so confident I was And I just

Gasped out of it Well there's Belinda Who joins our Friday night Fortnite game She lives in Australia We don't know anything About her apart from She's a teacher

And she lives in Australia Would you call her a friend? Nah A gaming associate There's Eric Where's Eric from? Eric was originally from Napier. Oh, yeah.

Moved to Auckland. Great guy. But you've never met him in IRL? Not in IRL. Okay. But, yeah, I haven't played games with him for a while. Well, where's he? Is he all right?

He's fine. Okay, good. Yeah, I still, like, I follow him on the gram and, like, message him and stuff. That's cute. You've got some online friends. They're like, what up? Good work. Big dog.

Yeah, if I that. This guy was like, well, I need to make some friends because, you know, pandemic life sucks. He said there was a weird, the vibes, he said the vibes in San Fran all effed up. Vibe check. Vibe check. San Fran effed up after COVID and, you know, a couple of years of pandemic. So he put some flyers around the neighborhood.

He said on Alabama Street, 8.30 till 10, I'll be making pancakes. You'll be eating them. The best pancakes. The best choc chips. The best maple syrup. The best butter. The best more. Come by, bring coffee.

I'll have the pancakes. And it's led to what he's calling one of the best days of his life because all these people turned up. Here's a photo of people outside. Oh, cute. There's a big pile of his pancakes here. Do they look like the best? Because he really...

They do look like pretty good pancakes. They do look like pretty good pancakes. He's got a nice even browning on that. I'd like to know his technique. So, yeah, he did admit to being a bit nervous and self-conscious, saying it might be a dumb idea and no one will turn up, but people did. About 75 people of all generations and backgrounds.

He looks like such a lovely lad as well. Yeah, and so he's made some new friends and kind of created this neighbourhood community buzz with free pancakes. Oh, what a great idea. And who knows, maybe, yeah, he'll make some friends out of it. Do you think these are, you know, he's going to be making friends or people just came to get a wee pancake and then leave?

That's what I hope he hasn't been taken advantage of with his pancakes. Because he would have had to have made so much better. Yeah. I mean, that bottle, they do look good. They do look good, don't they? He hasn't been taken advantage of with his pancakes. Because he would have had to have made so much better. Yeah. I mean, that bottle, they do look good. They do look good, don't they? Is it a grid or, you know, like a pan of like an electric frying pan? Oh, yeah. A nice wide flat one.

Yes. That's what you need for the perfect pancakes. You don't want to make too many. Like, we went to that all-you-can-eat pancake place. Didn't we? On the Goldie. It was... Couldn't eat... Was it a house of pancakes?

Yeah. I only ate three. Yeah, they're too dry. All-you-can-eat. All-you-can-eat. Pancakes. Yeah. Three big.

They were, like, plate-sized. And they were, like, dry and thick. And they certainly weren't their best pancakes. I certainly wanted about $14 back. I'm more of a... It's too late. A crepe. Oh, yeah. Oh, you love a crepe's too late. A crepe. Oh, yeah.

Oh, you love a crepe. Thin, a lot of thin. What, a folded crepe? Yeah, a folder with like lemon and sugar. Oh, yeah. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Coming up next, Jared.

Producer Jared. Producer Jared had a bit of an embarrassing moment yesterday and as he tried to explain it to us, hoping we'd all be like, oh, bro, that's so sad, we were all like, this is on you. It's 100% on you. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Producer Jared was sharing with us this morning

his trials and tribulations list yesterday afternoon as he popped to the mall for a spot of shopping. Yes. What happened, Jared? I went to Newmarket Mall yesterday, which is a mall I don't usually go to. Okay, and for those listeners that aren't in Auckland or haven't been to the Newmarket Mall...

It's a beast. It's like a mega building mall. And it's split in two separate buildings that's joined by a glass bridge. And there's like five different entrances for parking. Felt like 12. So what happened? You went in entrance number one?

Yep. So I went in the first entrance. It took me a while to get there because I got lost on the motorway, which was a sign of things to come. Oh, my God. Do you have Google Maps? Yeah, but I was using Waze. And I was still...

Usually Waze is better because it'll give you a more up-to-date traffic situation. Yeah, I'm a big Waze user. Yeah. It sent me on a wild goose chase though on the spaghetti junction-y bit. Yeah. I was in the completely wrong lane and then ended up in Parnell.

So already, oh no, you've got to get Gilly's Ave to the left. So I go to this mall a lot. It's a favourite mall. I love this mall. So you got in the parking building. Yep. Went up a few levels. I was like, this doesn't feel right, but YOLO.

So I hopped out and walked into the mall. And I was like, oh, cool. The place I'm going to is on the exact opposite end of this massive mall. So I got back in my car. If only you could have walked there. Wait, so you got back. Carry on. So I got back in my car, drove out, paid $3 because I...

Because you don't have the... It's free parking. I don't have the app. It's free parking for two hours. I've forgotten my Apple password and I couldn't download it. For those that don't know, this Westfield has a parking app. You have to have the app and then it recognises your number plate. You don't pay.

Yeah, it's parking. It reads the number plate. Yeah. Okay, so you're already off to a such a bad start. I mean, it's the sort of stuff that conspiracy theorists would actually have a field day with. If it can read your number plate, it's probably scanning your iris as well. Reading your mind. Okay, so your lazy ass got in your car and drove to the other part of the building.

Yep. Parked up. Also, I will say for listeners outside of Auckland, all the buildings are connected by air bridges on every level. Yes. Carry on, Jared. I thought there was only one air bridge. Pedestrian air bridges. Air bridges every level. Yes. Carry on, Jared. I thought there was only one air bridge. Pedestrian air bridges.

Air bridges every level. Every level. So I reparked, got out, popped into the mall, and I was like, oh, I'm in the exact same place I was five minutes ago. What? When you drove from park A to park B, where did you drive in a circle? Apparently, I went into one entrance and then it's another

entrance on felt like the other side of the world ended up in the same spot so i was like okay walked through the mall found myself the air bridge yeah stood there looked out the window i was like that's where i came in i think that's where i need to go so i walked back to my car paid another three dollars oh my. How are you this useless? It was my first time unattended at Newmarket Mall. Unattended? You're a growing adult, Jared. You're not 12.

You'll hear it over the intercom. Has someone lost their child? He's got a full-grown moustache, but he seems very lost. His name is Jared, he tells us. Yeah, so then I went for another jaunt, found the right car park, parked on the wrong level again, but I found the mall.

I found the place. So you tried parking three times. Yeah. Paid a total of? $6 plus $5 when I left after the thing. $11. Well, you could have got that for free. You could have got that for free.

It could have all been free. And how long did you spend parking all up? The actual act of driving around the car park? Yeah. 45 minutes. Jesus. Life's too short.

We could all die today. You know what I mean? And you've just given 45 minutes to this building that is honestly very, it's state of the art design. Also, let's point out

that Jared isn't new to Auckland. He grew up here. No, exactly. So you can't start with I got lost on the motorway. It's not like he moved up from Talmudu. These Mali story buildings are pretty confusing. Silly Little Pole It is so silly, silly, silly That the silly little pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole

Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Well, today's silly little pole. How do you order your cutlery drawer? It's a great question. It made me, when I saw the silly little pole, go and have a look and realise mine wasn't ordered correctly. There must have been some situation.

I don't think I've given it ever much thought. I've got your steak knives. So that's a separate category. Steak knives is a separate category. They don't belong with the bread and butter knives. No, they don't. The average dinner knife. I believe I am spoon, fork, knife.

Spoon, fork, knife. Okay. I'm fork, fork, knife. Spoon, fork, knife. Okay. I'm fork, knife, spoon. I'm knife, fork, soup spoon, dessert spoon. Teaspoons on the bottom. Teaspoons always on the bottom. Yeah, teaspoons on the bottom. Soup spoons can...

Right off. How often are you eating soup spoons? I love soup spoons. I hate soup spoons. They're too wide. I've got a massive mouth and soup spoons are too wide. I'd like to be able to fit the whole spoon in my hole. Yeah, they click your teeth, don't they, as they go in?

Yeah. No. We don't have soup spoons in our house. We've got them. I wish they were gone. I wish they'd morph into standard dessert spoons. Oh, wow, you hate them. I love them.

But in short, you go knife, fork, spoon. Yes. I don't like that. Why not? Spoon, fork, knife. Yes. I don't like that. Why not? Spoon, fork, knife. You have to reach across to grab the knife. The knife should always be easy to grab with the hand you're going to have the knives in. I grab, so if I'm sitting at the table for dinner, four forks, four knives.

Walk to the table, I go fork, knife, fork, knife, fork, knife, fork, knife. Walk around the table putting them down and I don't need a chance or anything. Maximum laziness. I refuse to add any other step to my day. Absolutely not. You've got a pain in the arse to switch hands and reach across yourself. To be honest, I'd never really thought about it. Yeah, same.

Is there a... I mean, the knife's still on the left. No, the fork's on the left. Oh, yeah, the fork's on the left, eh? I've never even thought about it. My knife's on the left, eh? But, yeah. I can't change it now.

It's good as a spoon, fork, knife. I can't change it because it's been six years with this order. Spoon, fork, knife. That's me. Knife's on the right. It should be spoon, fork, knife. Fork's on the left. Spoon for your soup beforehand.

Since spoon sits to the right, awaiting its duty to serve you dessert. Although I eat dessert with a teaspoon. Oh yeah, because you like it to last longer. We use Spoon to our kids. Exactly. It makes it feel like you're eating more when you use a smaller spoon. Yeah. Oh. How

has the nation reacted, Vaughn? Well, the nation reacted thusly. Pip writes, it has to be knives, forks, spoons. If I'm anywhere in citizen, any other order, I'll reorder anyone's drawer. I don't care who you are. Be an adult and have your cutlery in the drawer. Right order.

That's how I have mine. FFS. I've actually just read a survey of 5,000 people. Yeah. And it is large knives, as in your steaks, knives, forks, spoons. I think it's because my cutlery drawer has a giant long one at the end for knives. On the left end? Yeah, on the left,

which I also use for chopsticks and my knives. No, that should be at the right end. Well, it's not. It should be forks and knives above the teaspoons, which lay horizontally compared to their vertical. Then, no. I've got to say, we use a magnet strip for the big knives. Oh, same.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. The big cutty knives don't belong in the drawer with the cutlery. But steak knives on the left. Steak knives only. Yeah. And then the knives. Oh, no.

I don't like this at all. What did the vast majority of people say? Because we gave some different options. Yeah, we gave forks, knives, spoons, knives, forks, spoons, spoons, forks, knives, knives, spoons, forks. I mean, there's a few combinations here. I don't know because we did it as a... Do you have the actual numbers, Carlin? Because I've only got the options here.

Because it wasn't like a yes or no. Yeah, right. It was our first little poll. It wasn't a yes or no. It was a multi-poll. Hannah says, you forgot the best options, you monsters. Forks, spoons, knives, as you would set a table. No, you don't put the spoon in the middle.

Spoons have to be on one side. Spoons could be in the middle, but that's if you lay a spoon across the top. But if you're just eating at home, how often do you require a spoon? I'm just looking at Carwin. Maybe for a curry? Yeah. I'm just looking at... Maybe for a curry? Yeah. I'm just looking at, Carwin sent the results, the numbers through.

In first place, knives, forks, spoons. As that survey said. You're across yourselves. You're across yourselves. Grow up. It doesn't make any sense. I'm right. Followed by my one. Spoons, forks, knives. Spoons, knives, forks.

There was thousands, thousands and thousands of people answer these things. Third place is forks, knives, spoons. Last place is only 200. 200 votes. Knives, spoons, forks. Yeah, no one puts them in the place. That's madness. That's a mad order.

No one's putting spoons in the middle. I once, Mia writes, I once went to reorganize our cutlery drawer. We have a spoon, fork, knife, and teaspoons down the bottom, and my mum completely flipped out, so I've left it ever since, and I didn't want to ask why. I just wanted to add to her rage. Wow. I love that.

Jim says, I honestly don't care, and when I know people have a particular order, I F with it just to see what happens. I guess you could say I'm an agent of chaos. Wow. Jim, what is wrong with you? You're a monster. But yeah, okay. Knives, forks, spoons.

That's the order I'd say it in? Yeah. Can you grab the knives, the forks, the spoons? That's the order I'd say it in, but it wouldn't be the order I'd have it in the drawer. I'd just say get the cutlery.

Knives and forks. Yeah. Knives and forks. Makes sense, doesn't it? That's not the alphabetical order that you say that in either. I wonder why we, knives and forks feels better than forks. Yeah. Knives and forks. Makes sense, doesn't it? That's not an alphabetical order that you say that in either. I wonder why knives and forks feels better than forks and knives. Yeah. Have we had this conversation before that my brother-in-law calls it cheese and macaroni?

No, it's macaroni. No, not cheese and macaroni. Egg and bacon pie. That's the one. Oh, no. He's so wrong. It's bacon and egg pie. Egg and bacon pie.

He's like, what's the prominent ingredient? He, no. He's so wrong. It's bacon and egg pie. Egg and bacon pie. He's like, what's the prominent ingredient? He's right. He's right. There's always more egg than bacon. Yeah, but wouldn't you say the more prominent is pastry? Because without it... If you've got more pastry than egg, you're doing it right. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Well, sick days. Immune systems. You'd say you've got a pretty Vaughan and Hayley Well, sick days Immune systems You'd say you've got a pretty good immune system Hayley You'd say you hardly ever get sick Hardly ever get sick I'd be the same I did have that, as you mentioned previously Vaughan, two weeks off for adult chicken pox

Not my fault Shingies? No, adult chicken pox Adult chicken pox Yeah, a few years back Yeah, that's rough No, I'd probably get a cold or a flu like once every couple of years. Not the flu.

I'll get a cold every couple of years. Really? I get a cold every season. Really? Every change of season. I don't get the jab or anything either. First, you don't get the flu jab. No, I never have.

Off to Parliament today, mate. I'm not putting poison in my body. I love the flu jab. Mostly because I get to flirt with that lady that gives the flu jab. I love flirting with middle-aged women. You do. You're such a pest. I am an absolute pest.

But they don't think I'm a pest because they, like, came about in the 80s when pesting was just considered part of it, you know. Oh, yeah. Their first job was at some, like, big accounting agency where, like, one of the senior partners could just slap ass. So when I'm just getting a little bit flirtatious with them, they just love it. That's my style.

Yeah. Bring back those good old days. Anyway, I just love flirting with a woman and the nurse. She just sneezed. Okay, I went. I'm a pron. I purposely went off mic. No, I'm having some kind of allergic reaction.

They didn't say this off. To the COVID virus. There's been a study done which has linked attractiveness to a better immune system. Saying attractive people have better immune systems after blood tests. They studied a whole bunch of people. They firstly asked people to rate everybody in the study. This is because attractive people aren't mucking in. This is why attractive people

aren't getting their bloody hands dirty. Yeah, they're not getting up to the coal face. So, experts believe that we may be drawn to looks, people's looks, because brains seek healthy partners. The people were asked to rate their attractiveness and men were judged as

more attractive by women had more effective natural killer cells. What? Which may destroy virus-infected cells in the body. A lot of science behind that. Bullshit. A lot of science. Why?

What was it? Get attractive people another thing. You're very defensive for someone who always gets very sick. I'm under no illusion that I'm not attractive, but they don't need another thing. You're very defensive for someone who always gets very sick. I'm under no illusion that I'm not attractive, but they don't need another one. They don't need another thing to get by in life. Attractive people, what more do they want?

People fall over backwards for them. No one ever tells them no. No one ever tells them to shut up. I love telling attractive people to shut up. What a dumb opinion. Shut up. What? No one's ever told me to shut up. I've got no interest in sleeping with. What a dumb opinion. Shut up. What? No one's ever told me to shut up. I've got no interest in sleeping with you.

That's why. Shut up. More people need to have told you to shut up. Your parents should have told you to shut up. Guys shouldn't have done everything for you without you actually having to put in any effort. Shut up. Shut up and shut your face. Wow, you've all got mess up your chest, haven't you?

And then I sneeze in their face. Spoken like a true ugly boy. Come on. I'm sick and I'm ugly. I'm sick of being ugly. Achoo. From the sophisticated ZM Think Tank, this is the top six. In CIS, It stands for? Not cool, it seems.

That's the one. What does it stand for? Naval Crime. Oh, Naval Criminal Investigative Service. Yeah, there you go. NCIS. Can't stand my fan of the show. Oh, my God. On March the 7th, 2022,

it will be the 14th episode of the 19th season of NCIS. And that's just NCIS, NCIS. It's been running since 2003. Yeah, people love these police procedurals, except Vaughn. I do not. It's a spin-off from Jag. Yeah, I love Criminal Minds. I haven't watched that for a while but that was always good, Criminal Minds. I never sit down. What about Catherine Bell

from Jag? I had a poster of her on my wall in the 90s. Did you? She was a real stunner. I never sit down to watch these kind of shows. It's not something that I get into. But if I was to be at my parents' house and it was on, I'd be like, it's fine, I can watch this. This music is terrible.

Yeah, it sucks. This whole show sucks. Well, there's news that Sydney's getting its own spin-off. Yeah, after NCES Los Angeles, New Orleans, Hawaii. I thought there was a Las Vegas. No, that's CSI. These are dumb. How dumb.

Mark Harmon's the lead guy. Did he get cancelled for bullying and sexual stuff or was that that other guy? Mark. Michael Weatherly. Michael Weatherly.

Right. Sexual harassment. Remember there was a little internal NCIS into his shenanigans. The top six storylines for NCIS Sydney number six on the list

an episode called Why is Tooie's new so bloody expensive now? Yeah. A look into rising bear prices. Have you ever bought booze in Aussie from the bottle? So expensive. So expensive. What's that store?

It's a man's name. Dan Murphy's? Yeah, something like that. Their booze store. So pricey. Like a 24 pack of beers. Sometimes it's like $65, $70. I know.

It's nuts. Crazy. That's crazy. You get some RTDs. Oh, yeah. You're playing through the nose. Raspberry Cruises with the lads. Why?

Tax. Why? Tax, brah. Get rid of it. Number five on the list of the top six storylines for NCIS Sydney. Who's been doing doughies at the list of the top six storylines for NCIS Sydney. Who's been doing doughies at the end of our bloody road? NCIS Sydney.

Someone's been doing screechies and squealies at the end of the road. I heard them, and now I can see it. And they're big black circles down the end of the road. Why is the naval unit dealing with this? Because it was on the naval base. Because it's Sydney. It's Sydney, I beg your pardon. Number four on the list of the top six storylines for CIS Sydney. Is it said koala or koala?

I like to say koala. Let's add those to the endangered list. They did. They're my favourite animal. Because of the fires. Yeah. Yeah, fires got them all. And we keep them taking away their homes.

And they're riddled with the crap. Got the clap. Got the clap. Tick to toe. Can I just get some antibiotics for my koala? It's got the crap. Number three on the list of the top six sorority lines for NCIS Sydney. Should New South Wales just be called South Wales now?

It's not that new. Old. Old South Wales. Old. Or just South Wales just be called South Wales now? It's not that new. Old. Old South Wales. Old. Or just South Wales. Sure. That'll work for me. Number two on the list of the top six storylines from NCIS Sydney.

What ever happened to Pauline Hanson? She's still bloody... Is she? Yeah, she's still in the scene. I thought she'd gone back under her bridge. Yeah. To catch the goats walking across. Yeah, she's still in the scene. I thought she'd gone back under her bridge. Yeah. To catch the goats walking across. Yeah, exactly.

Who's that walking across my bridge? Waiting for her tolls. Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six storylines for Ed and CIO Sydney. Who did the bloody dingo steal now? Not another baby. Well, can't carry a full blind human can it Turns out it could

Inside Sydney That's today's top 6 Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Play ZM Well there is a way that you can go into your Uber settings And find out exactly how many 5 star, 4 star-star, three-star, two-star, one-star ratings you have. Because generally you just see your average.

Yeah. Right? Like I'm a 4.85. Oh, I'm a 4.88. So I'm a slightly better human than you. Vorgan, where are you at? Hold on, guys. In your general.

We've got someone who's really confused with the settings. You haven't updated your app, have you? Should I just do this? So I just deleted it and re-downloaded it and I think, but I can't see. 81 trips to go. What do I do? What do I click now? Oh my God. Give it to me. Give it to me.

You got yours to work. Mine didn't have a privacy centre before I had to delete the app and re-download it. I do. This is shocking to me because I thought my 4.85 was quite a good rating. Okay, so Vaughan, you have an overall Uber rating of 4.85. Yeah, so same as me. You have 68 five-star ratings. You don't use Uber a lot. I've been in it 68 times.

Well, for five stars, you've been in a four-star Uber ride three times. You have zero, three, and two stars, but you have two one-star ratings. Well, one of them will be when Sade vomited in the Uber on the way home from our friend's wedding. Yes. I can't think when the other time would be. So this is what is so shocking to me. And I've taken like 373 five-star rides. Sade and I share an account.

So everything other than the five stars, I would attribute directly to her. To Sade. Quite a handful, which is out of, which has got a gut full of rosé, you know. But I have four one-star ratings. Oh my God, that's so bad. Is it though, Hayley? Is it?

I've got 266 fives. Eight fours. One three. Three twos. I've got six ones. You've got six ones. I've got six ones. You are also a piece of crap. I definitely remember a couple of times we were in a

slightly drunken stupor. I have ordered an Uber and then we've gone, nah, let's go somewhere else and cancelled it under the five minutes. I don't think that gives them a chance to give you a rating, does it? Is this about the time that I massaged my driver's head? He might like that. I'd put that as a five star. I don't think I'd like that.

Would you like someone touching your bald head? Yes. I quite like having, yeah, I do. Not while you're driving though. I mean, let's talk about consent

before the heads touch. I also, the last Uber I went in, I, oh, I won't say I yelled at the driver, I snapped at the driver.

Oh, she's a snappy girl. Because I was very snappy. He was driving 80 in a 50. Then we got on the motorway and he was driving 130 and right on the barricade side. And we were all in the back like, ugh, like this.

And then he got to Te Atatu, to our friend's house, and was like powering up the street, which is again a 50. He would have been going like 70 or 80. And like a couple of times I said, dude, do you know what the speed limit is? And he went, oh, yeah. He wouldn't know that. And then as he was driving 130, he was like,

toot-toeing with the radio machine. Oh. Okay, that's it. The radio machine? Okay, Nan. And he was playing with it. I was trying to listen to the talk, man. He was toot-toeing with the stations.

I was like, I should put it back on Marcus Lush. He's a good boy. He's a kind heart. And then we got out, and I said, well, Jesus, we're lucky we made it alive. And I slammed the door. Oh, that's a one. That's a one.

Yeah, I give you one for that. I don't ever. He gets a zero for that. I know. I will always give a five. I've never had a bad ride in an Uber like that. I'll always just give a five star because everyone's just doing the hustle. I'm just fives all the time.

That's why it hurts to get all these ones. Yeah. But I can think of times when my friends have been in the Ubers and there's been some conversations. Oh, you're palming it off.

Palming it off onto your friends. Oh, they're 100%. Oh, I take any responsibility for these four one stars on my own. Yeah, you ignore them. They might have said,

how are you going? And you've already got headphones on and you're looking out the window with a don't talk to me look on your face. That's the thing,

I don't like talking. Yeah. If I was an Uber driver the minute someone said busy night, I'd be like one star out. Yes. Because that's how everyone starts it. Where are you? Are you starting or are you close to finishing? So I don't know if.

If you ask an Uber driver where they're from, you should immediately get one star. Yeah. Absolutely. That is. Yeah. Start the banter get one star. Yeah. Absolutely. That is... Yeah. Start the banter a bit better. We want to ask a question this morning. Has a friend ruined your Uber rating?

And you can delve into your ratings now and see. That's the other thing. You could see after a ride what they give you now. Because you'd go into these ratings and then it would... It doesn't reflect ratings in real time. So it might like... If you took three rides in one night,

you might get all three at once. Right. But then if you're only taking one ride in a week... Oh yeah, you'd know. You'd 100% know what they rated you. You'd know. So 0800DARZITM, we want to ask the question this morning.

When has a friend ruined your Uber rating? Maybe it was the time they vombed in the back seat. Even though you were like, ha ha, even though, ha ha ha, you were over and over saying, if anyone's feeling sick, please tell me and we can get Harry to stop. Harry's more, hey, Harry, you'll pull over, hey, Harry. Yep, see, he's nodding. He said, remember when he took us through the drive-thru just before?

That was really cool of Harry. He's a good guy. Please don't spill that drink in the back there. Ha ha ha ha. What's that smell? Has someone been sick back there? Yeah, I feel like you helped him clean up the Uber. You cleaned it up for him.

I febrezed the Uber. I would have given you a three. Oh, look, I've never spewed in the back of an Uber or a taxi. But have you ruined your friend's Uber rating when it's on them? As every woman knows, when it comes to spewing in the back of a cab,

you spew straight into your handbag and you deal with that in the morning. That is your problem, not the driver's. Or huck it out the window and then give it a clean when you get to your destination. Well, you can delve into your Uber settings now and not just see your average ride rating, but you can see how many five stars, how many four and three and two and one stars you have. Good luck finding that in the settings.

I don't even think we could explain how to do it on here. It's buried. It's buried. It's deep in there. But shocking news, personally myself, I have four one-star ratings. I blame my friends for that. Two two-stars and seven three-stars.

I have six one-star ratings, and I take full responsibility for every single one of them. Right. That's cool. Being an adult. Thank you. I will not take responsibility for mine. My wife's drinking problem will take responsibility for the low ones. And that's a right to palm that off straight onto her.

It is. So we want to know from you this morning, when a friend has ruined your Uber rating? What did they do? How'd they do it? Hannah messaged on Instagram saying, I made the Uber go to a completely different address. And then when I got out, I did slam the door a bit. I'd mark you down if you slammed the door with such ferocity

you were trying to put it through the other side. Yeah, but sometimes you're used to slamming your door and how hard your door shuts, and then they've got a light door. And they've got a little skinny light door. And they've got a skinny light door, and you're like, ooh. Yeah, and you're like, sorry, but they've already gone.

Familiarise yourself with the Prius door. Wait on the way into the Prius, is what I would say. You reckon? Yeah. Okay. Georgia, when did a friend ruin your Uber rating? So my sister, she had a very, very big night one night and got in the Uber and vomited all out the window

and he was so mad. So she ran inside to get the bucket of water, came back out, she was insisting that she cleans it and she went to throw the bucket of water but threw the entire bucket and ran off the car. I kind of like it. She let go of the car. I kind of like it. She let go of the bucket. He was so mad.

So the bucket's just like, God douche, into the side of the car. Thanks for getting me home. God douche. Yeah. Did you notice your Uber rating go down? Definitely dropped.

Okay, wow. That is incredible. Brilliant. Hey, thanks for your call. Some more messages in. Oh, we. That is incredible. Brilliant. Hey, thanks for your call. Some more messages in. Oh, we've got an anonymous. Anonymous, I believe, is an Uber driver. Good morning. Morning, how are you? Good, good. Now, why does Hayley have six

one-star ratings? Did I massage your head? No, you didn't. I don't think so, anyway. What it actually kind of comes down to is a lot of people don't realise that the Uber drivers don't know the distance of the ride. So once the request comes up, they might travel, say, 20 minutes to your destination. Then they start the ride, and it's only two minutes around the corner.

That seems to kind of infuriate the Uber drivers, so they end up giving you a low rating. What that means is if you give the person a rating three or below, you don't get a request from that same person again. Really? Ah. Yeah. So you give them a two because you didn't want to,

you ain't got time for their 100-metre journeys. That's right. So in the future, you won't get a request from that person again. Yeah, but see, that's with me. I might take an Uber home if I've got something to carry, say, or it's raining. And what's that? And then you say you don't want my ride, but then

the next ride I take is to the airport, and that's a long ride, so... And that's where it all balances out. Yeah, and when Ubers won't pick him up, guess who has to take him home and take him to the airport? Vaughan. Vaughan loves taking me to the airport. This guy right here, he loves it. Vaughan, bro. What you kind of notice is anyone that kind of lives just outside the city,

they've all got ratings around about 4.85s because they do a combination of short rides and long rides. Oh, wow. If you find someone a bit further out, they'll all sit around their 4.94-ish because they're always long rides, and the Uber drivers will gladly take them rides. When it's peak busy, if you see someone with a low rating, it's not because they're not very polite.

It's because they generally take little short rides, and you won't take it. Wow, this is hot intel. How much of an $80, say that's a thing that cost me once to get home to my place, $80 in an Uber. How much of that do you get? Depending if there's, you overtake 28% of it. Shit.

Which is quite a lot, but they're being fed, to be fair, with the surcharging, et cetera, it really comes down to how smart the driver is. So if they put themselves in good locations, it's really not about difference, it's about repetition of rides.

So if you get rides, even if they're really short ones, but one after another, you'll make more money off that than what you would taking a long ride out to the middle of nowhere because you've got to come all the way back. Yeah, sure. So it's just really a trade-off. And I will honestly say 99.9%

of people that you pick up an Uber are nothing but lovely. You said the S word there, surcharge. Who decides how that ticks up? You guys do. So supply and demand. Yeah. Okay, one more question before we lose you.

What's the worst thing that's happened in one of your Ubers? Oh, good call. Good question. To be honest with you, I wouldn't say anything. You just got to have a bit of empathy if you're a driver. If you've been on the turps a couple of times and you talk a bit of smack, a lot of people are in that same situation. I really don't get anyone.

Some people are just socially awkward, don't know how to hold a conversation, just sit there. If you kind of realise that they're not trying to be rude, they, don't know how to hold a conversation just sit there. If you kind of realise that they're not trying to be rude, they just don't know how to talk to you. So you've just got to see that side of the coin. I've never really had anyone that's been, you know, well, to me, because I do have a bit of empathy.

Because you sound like a bloody nice guy. Well, you waited too long. What about a chunny? Have you had a chunny in the back? You waited too long to pick up. I've done 9,000 trips. I've only had one. Was it Sade? Was it my wife?

He lost a chunny in the Uber. Go on. It was actually a poor fella that was on his mountain bike coming down a hill. A fella broke his collarbone. I picked him up from the hospital. He was talking to me. And because of all the drugs that he was on,

he just threw up and hit the back of my head but he was just trying to apologise for why he threw up coming between his fingers and I felt nothing but sorry for the poor fella. Did you give him a one? No, no, no, I gave him a five. Why do I need to spew on anyone and I ain't got a one?

I've got plenty of ones. Some people, people that are going to throw up, you see them you just say to them, be honest with me, and I'll stop in the middle of the road if need be. Wow. Me and Harry, we're teaming up on that. Anonymous, thank you so much for sharing some Uber secrets this morning. Love it.

Hey, no problem. All right. It's back for 20, whatughan and Hayley. It's back for 20, what year are we? 2022. Time flies when you're in the middle of a pandemic. It does. New look, new time slot and one of the panellists, not only Hayley Sproul

on this evening, but Guy Montgomery joins us. Good morning, Guy Montgomery. Hello, Vaughan. Hello, Hayley and also hello to Fletch. I'd like to extend warm hellos to everyone. And also the control booth. Oh, wow.

They're nodding. They really appreciate that warm hello. Always so polite, guy. For too long, the control booth has silently sat by during these phone interviews, but no more. Get it on the chat, guys. Well, I was going to let the control booth take over. It's such a vital, important part of your warm welcome.

Do the control booth want to say anything? Hello. I can see why they're not on the air. Okay, thank you, control booth. He takes back his warm welcome to the Control Boat. So seven days tonight, Hayley Sproul, you're on as well. I am, yeah.

Guy and I are on the same team. I was about to tell him to eat my... Butthole. Butthole. But instead, we're both playing on the same team to win, aren't we, mate? That's right, yeah. And can I just say, what an exciting opportunity it is

to be on the same team as the great Hayley Sproul. I mean, you've got to be kidding me. God, Montgomery, please. I can't help it. It's very exciting because it's got to freshen up, hasn't it? It's seven days. It's got new games, new look, new panel. That's right.

Lots of new panel. That's right. Lots of new details. And from my observations of the people in the Facebook comments, people are clamouring for this. They can't wait to see our watered down seven days. Famously, you cannot be funny without swearing or referencing genitalia.

So it'll be fascinating to see how we do it. But I've got high hopes. I'm worried about the underrepresented white males over 40 appearing on the show tonight. As a white male who will be 40 this Sunday. I feel my demographic has been excluded. Vaughan looked at the promo and he was like, I don't see myself in here. These young bastards is what I said. Look at them with their youth and their female bits and representation.

That's what I said. Yeah, I know. I'm so sorry to see you sidelined, Vaughn, you know, but from what I can tell, you know, us under 40 white men are struggling to break into the fascinating and lucrative world of radio. So just hold on as tight as you can. I'm coming to your bag, brother.

I've got a stranglehold on this industry. I'll take it down with me. Or it will take me down with it. Who knows? Guy, I mean, it seems crazy because I am on the show with you tonight. But for our listeners, can you tell us a little bit about what's different this season? Absolutely. And can I just say, what a perfectly phrased question.

Thank you. Basically, it's had a revamp. So you might remember seven days being half an hour at sometime after 8.30. No more. We've got more jokes, more new comedians, and there are some really exciting new games which involve, like, performance instead of just sitting and talking. Can you imagine seeing a

panelist standing up on a panel show? This wouldn't suit you. I don't like this. I don't stand. He doesn't stand and we never get to see Vaughan's legs which are often out in a pair of jorts. Yeah, I love a jort. It's a huge part of why they've killed so many of those over 40

whites. It's because they've got such hideous gams. Not like us life young fellas. Oh, my God. Actually, the calves on Guy Montgomery, the calves to quad ratios, I would say exquisite. Oh, okay.

Guy, you're a runner, aren't you? I am. And, you know, I feel like all those wasted years of running, just, you know, bored, clambering around the streets of Auckland wondering why the hell I'm doing it have finally come to fruition. Yes. I can't wait to see these legs of yours on the show tonight.

I know. You do have to. We've got to get up out of our seats. It did make me think about wardrobe. Wardrobe there. Yeah. Because traditionally, of course, you know, when you're on television, Hayley, you're usually starkers down under.

Starkers. Yeah, I'm Jenny's out, mate. Letting it breathe. Most of the time, you're usually Starkers down under. Starkers. Yeah, I'm Jenny's out, mate. Letting it breathe. Most of the time. Getting some air in there. Yeah. But not tonight. A lot to look forward to tonight.

It's the brand new look, seven days longer. It is. It's on Channel 3, TV3. Channel 3? Come on home to TV3. Do you remember that jingle? Jesus, that's going back. I think you don't want to sing that.

You're making yourself a payroll and then you'll be cold from seven days. I will be. It is on three tonight at 7.30. We'll be watching our P's and Q's. Guy, thank you so much for joining us. Can I just say this is the greatest moment of my life, this phone interview. Thank you so much. Things are going to be different from here on out.

Would you like to say anything to the control booth? Oh, look, hey, broadcasting's not for everyone. And the fact you've learned how to push those buttons is honestly a testament to your discipline and stick-to-itiveness. Wow. Wow, they're moved to tears. Absolutely moved to tears. Guy Montgomery, thank you so much.

It's a pleasure. Thank you. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. 1982. For a great year. February 20th. Correct. This Man Before My Eyes.

Oh, did he bit his way into the world? Got the umbilical cord and ripped it apart. I'll take care of that. Vaughn is turning 40 this weekend, so we're celebrating on here tomorrow. I believe this is a long-standing tradition on the station to celebrate your birthday. Well, just when you have a birthday, it gives you something to do, doesn't it? It gives you something to feel the bloody day. Do you want to inform Vaughan and our listeners

of the plan, Fletch? So the plan is, Vaughan, that we have sourced 40 birthday presents for your 40th. Wow. 40 different presents. That's a lot. Sentimental presents, presents that we know you'll love. Okay.

There's some good stuff in here. Okay. Like, we had to come up with a list of 40 things. There's some good stuff in here. Okay. Like, we had to come up with a list of 40 things. It's not like, we're not talking your whoopee cushions. You know what? That whoopee cushion that we got delivered as part of the Jackass movie promo pack has given us so much joy in studio. So much.

Would have cost, what? A dollar? 20 cents to make tops. And boy, oh boy, the laughs that is delivered. Every break we're sitting on that thing having a chuckle. I mean, there are certainly some filler presents. Okay. Because, you know, we had to come up with 40.

But there are some incredible presents in there. But we're not just going to gift them to you one after t'other. One after t'other. We instead are going to have people on the phone and then the lovely listeners who love you so much and also want to celebrate

your birthday will get to decide whether they can take your gift or you get to keep it. Okay. So tomorrow on the show from 6am every 15 minutes we will be opening up

a couple of presents. Now you will open up the present with the listener. Okay. And then the listener will decide if they take your present. Right. Or you keep it. Or I keep the present.

Yeah. Honestly, there's some big ticket items in here as well. Big. It's a great chance to win tomorrow. I wouldn't expect to keep the big ticket items. Oh, no, but you love the big ticket. I got what I need, baby. I'm happy with my stuff.

We've found some things. We've thought about them. Yeah. They're for you. They're thoughtful gifts. They're thoughtful gifts, yeah. I mean, some of them you might not want them, but it's not up to you. Okay, it's up to the listener.

It's up to the listener. And they may feel for you and they might think, well, that's worn to keep it. It is his birthday. It is his birthday. It is his birthday. Yeah. There's some that if the listener was to take it, wouldn't make a lot of sense, you know, because it's quite clearly for Vaughan. Like a pencil case for a movie world with Vaughan written on it.

Yeah, yeah. And they're going to go, I'll take it, thank you. But then how many Vaughans do we have listening? I don't know. Could be your day tomorrow. There's a few Vaughans out there. Yeah, there's a few Vaughans out there. I mean, if it's got

a name on it and they spell their name the abhorrent way of just the one A at the start and not an A between the H and the N at the end,

I would imagine that they wouldn't want it. I don't know. They could still take it though, couldn't they? Still take it. They just spelt their name wrong.

So 40 presents for 40 happens tomorrow. Make sure you join us from six because every 15 minutes chance to win Vaughan's presents. Shivers. Shiver me timbers. Or to go, you to win Vaughan's presents. Shivers.

Shiver me timbers. Or to go, you know what Vaughan, it's your 40th birthday. Keep it. Love you so much you get to keep it. Yeah.

Well that, yeah okay, that's kind but you know, I won't bank on that because people probably want things as well. You reckon you might,

40 for 40 you might go home empty handed. You just never know. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. I had a late night last night. Filming seven days. Filming

seven days. Which is on TV3 tonight. It is indeed on Discovery. Once again, a beautiful network. I'm telling TVNZ on you. I do work for TVNZ. And how have you been paying attention to photoshoot next week? Can I please have everybody's attention? Yeah. Hayley you been paying attention to a photo shoot next week and I'll be like can I please have everybody's attention

yeah Hayley has been a discovery I have and she is touting their praises we're off air at the moment girls gotta hustle

we are coming back though yeah have you been paying attention back soon very soon can't tell you when but it's in a couple of weeks

anyway so I came home I was texting Aaron going still filming. It went a little bit later. First show of the season, you know, some teething problems and whatnot. The record went a little bit longer. And this is a little out of character for Aaron. He sent me a photo.

He was like, all good, ready for you to come home. What time did you get home? About 11. Okay. Which for a 4 a.m.am wake up time, you know. It's nuts. When you see anything after 10pm, you're like, tomorrow is screwed.

He said, I've got everything ready for you when you come home. Then he sends me a photo of the bathroom. There is a makeup flannel laid out. There are some beauty products and there is a toothbrush pasted. There's no problem with pre-pasting

a toothbrush is the toothpaste can get a skin on it and it's not like a soup skin, it's like a thicker, you've got to brush through the skin. You know what? At like 11.30 by the time I was brushing my teeth I didn't care about any skin. Then the next photo is my outfit for

today. He'd laid it out because every night I lay out my outfit for today. He'd laid it out because every night I lay out my outfit for the next day because it's 4 o'clock in the morning, you can't be deciding what to wear. So I laid it out and a gym outfit as well. So what I'm wearing today, he chose. I'll say he did quite well. He did well. He's gone for an earthy tone. Earthy tones.

I will say I'm wearing an oatmeal linen jacket and a sort of caramel linen short. Not what I would choose. And I will say, the undies I'm wearing really cutting into the line. You've been picking undies out all day long. Really cutting into the bikini line, but very lovely thought. And the final one was our bed with PJ's

asleep mask and my little silk sleep bonnet that I sleep in. I beg your pardon? You sleep in a what? I sleep in a small silk bonnet that I sleep in. I beg your pardon? You sleep in a what? A what? I sleep in a small silk bonnet. What? On your head. Girls feel me. I have blonde hair.

My hair's all frazzled because of it. And you know how silk pillows were a thing for a while? I was like, ooh, silk pillows look so ugly. Buy the bonnet. You just wear the bonnet and you can have your pillows you like. Oh my God. I don't think my Nana had one of these. Yeah, man.

I look ridiculous. I'm just pulling up a photo fletcher's got no idea look you look like a little yeah 1930s from the 1930s i always hop in everybody goes it's always like oh look at you and your little bonnie yeah you're like oh that feeling in europe's a little tumultuous i hope no war breaks out over there it's a great form of contraception as well because you know no one's getting it on when I've got the bonnie on. So was this out of character? I mean, he's a lovely guy and he does great gestures and whatnot. But this was next level. It was like a grid.

It was Instagram worthy. Right. The everything. The undies. The bra. He chose the bra. He chose the bra. I wouldn't know what kind of bra to choose.

I'd just pick the sexiest one probably. Yeah, yeah, put this on you little witch. I'm going to pick a bra. Honestly, the sweetest thing, it was so perfect, so I got to come home and wash my face with all the stuff he'd laid out. Some of the products didn't make a lot of sense. What did he choose? There was a Kevin Murphy texture hairspray that he'd laid out,

and I think it's because on the can it says bedroom hair. So he put that out like she must put this in her hair before bed. Because this is bedroom hair. There'll be a lot of volume happening in that bonnet if I did that. There was a laser aid cream

which he put on after laser hair removal. I think he thought that was for my face. Right. Sort of a thing. But other than that, honestly, I don't even have a joke to say about this. There are women listening that would fight hand and what's the, fist and nail? Tooth and nail. Tooth and nail.

Fight tooth and nail for a man that cared like that. I know. It's absolutely incredible. Greg Rober from Nova. What a sweetheart, eh? He's got the romance in him as well. Play ZM's Fletch Vaugh in him as well. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play

ZM's. ZM's Anticart. But first it's time to Anticart and I believe today, Hayley, everything in the cart is... It's my cart. Yeah, you've picked every item. Yes, I've done this once before and I've gone a similar route.

Skewed to the ladies but I think you're going to enjoy it. It's quite bouj. Okay, so we'll give you your items now and then again at 11, 2 and 4. And if you're the first caller through with Brian Clint this afternoon at 4, sorry, 5, you win everything in the cart. So the first item that we're adding to the cart. Why, it's my dear friend Karen Walker. It's a pair of Karen Walker sunglasses.

Tell you what, these are bougie. Tray expensive. Yeah. I don't even own a pair because I can't be trusted with them. Well, you broke the Barbie pair. Yeah, I'll break the glasses. I broke the Barbie's glasses

and I would break these. In front of Karen Walker. But yes, first item, Karen Walker sunglasses. All right, jot that down. In front of Karen Walker. But yes, first item, Karen Walker sunglasses. All right, jot that down. Put it in your notes. Next item coming up with Georgia at 11. Next on the show, it's I Bet I Can Guess Your Mum's Name.

Vaughan will have five questions to try and guess your mum's name. If he can do that in 15 seconds, you win cash. If you would like to play, 0800 DALS at M right now. Hey, you on the phone, I better can guess your mum's name. Well, absolutely hot winning streak so far, 2022. You've got every mum's name. Oh, you've only done it twice. Paul, it's still...

I don't need to pump the brakes on. It's 100% successful. We're lifting you up, it's your birthday week I can't get ahead of myself, I've got to stay grounded The trick is staying grounded and humble Okay, well Abby joins us this morning for I bet I can guess your mum's name Good morning, Abby

Hi Now, Vaughan will ask you five questions about your mum And then have 15 seconds to guess her name Good morning, Abigail Is it Abigail or is it Abby? about your mum and then have 15 seconds to guess her name. Good morning, Abigail. Is it Abigail or is it Abby? It's either. I'm not saying.

So on your birth certificate it says Abigail. Yeah. I like Abigail. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, it's a beautiful name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Classic. It reminds me of Webigale of DuckTales. Okay.

They had the three nephews you were doing, Louis, they had to spice it up with some female. I didn't care for the extra characters they added later. She was there pretty early. And Scrappy-Doo. I've got no time for Scrappy-Doo. Scrappy-Doo's not at all related to DuckTales. I know, but it's another adding characters. I don't want the extra new people.

I'm happy with the original core cast. So you would be happy with Ninja Turtles added like the variants, your slashes. Okay. No. I'm always up for a change, you know. Spice it up. If they've got a good backstory. No time, bloody scrappy do.

Waste of time. Alright, Webigale. What's mum's favourite snack? Oh. Um. do. Waste of time. Alright, Webigale, what's mum's favourite snack? Oh, um... She has... Um, she has, like, this toast with, I don't know what it's called, that weird spread that almost looks like cat food

sort of stuff. Oh, is it that biscoff? Yeah, it might be. Like pate. Is it a biscoff? Yeah, it might be. Like pate. Is it a meaty spread? Yeah, it's like a pate sort of thing, but it comes in like those little jars. Oh my God, no. Jared, no, South Africans.

Is it a South African thing? What is it, Jared? What do you think she's... I think she's talking about pecs anchovet, which is also called fish paste. Yes, I've seen that. It's lovely. Okay.

Is it fishy smelling? You'd smell if it was fishy smelling. No, there's like chicken ones. I've seen that. Lovely. Is it fishy smelling? You'd smell if it was fishy smelling. No, there's like chicken ones. I've seen these by the spreads. By like all the food spreads, like the breakfast spreads. Yeah, you got it, girl. I've seen this stuff. It's like you can get a chicken spread, you can get a meat spread,

you can get an anchovy spread. It sounds very posh for a mum, doesn't it? What kind of toast is she rocking? On what sort of bread? Probably like a grain bread. Like a Vogels? Like a Vogels? She's going for a Vogels?

I don't know if it said Vogels. I'm pretty sure it's pronounced Vogels. Is it? Okay. Okay, so... Melonburg. I've got to tell you,

this spread is weird. Yeah, I'm not a fan of it. It's a cheap, weird spread. Okay, so mum's a bit odd. Is that what you're gathering from that? She's a bit odd. What names are you going to put down some odd mum names?

I'm just thinking some not happy mums, but a bit like alternative mums. Okay. Genevieve. Oh, wow. I've met a few Genevieves. Yeah, Genevieve. Genevieve. How the hell do you spell Genevieve?

Don't worry about it too much. I might go with Jenny as well because it's like a Genevieve, but it's not. I might go with Daisy. Oh, okay. Like I'm on the flower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm following the flower path now. Yeah.

I might also go a heather. Oh, okay. Because it's kind of like flowery sounding, but not necessarily a flower. Okay. What's your mum's date of birth? It's the 30th

of May. I can't remember the year. That's really bad. I know she's 50. Okay, 50. Bang on 50 or in her 50s. Bang on. So it was 71. 71. 30th of May. 71. 71. 30th of May. 71. 71.

What are you feeling there? In the 70s? What was a mum's name in the 70s? Feeling a Melissa. A Melissa. Okay. I'm feeling a Judith. Judith or Jude?

We'll just get except either. Yep. I'll probably have to go with Karen. You always have to put a Karen. You always have to put a Karen. You always have to put a Karen. Suze, have you got a Suze on there? Susan?

Or Suze-see? Su or Susan, yeah. Oh, my God. Su, a Suze-in. Yeah. A Suze-ee. Linda, Lynette, have you put those good. Yeah. Susie. Linda, Lynette. Have you put those down? Yeah.

I just, yeah, I come in the L's. I'm on the L's actually. Linda. Okay. Next question. Mum's favourite TV show. Please and thank you. Shall I bet she's loving that?

It's like Downton Abbey, Coronation Street. I was about to accuse her of quite liking Under the Vines, the new Rebecca Gibney show. I don't know. No. I guess she's into the traditionals. I might go for Deirdre. Okay.

Oh, why not? She loves her British drama, Soaps. Okay. What about a Maggie? An Elizabeth? Yeah, because I was just going to start pulling names from people that were on that show. A Maggie, because that's Dame Maggie Smith, isn't it?

Yeah. Anybody else know any names off Downton? I never watched Downton. No, I neither. I haven't seen it. Flipopter. Just in an old castle. What?

Flipopter. Flipopter. Poppeter. Flipopter. Flipopter. Yeah, that's. Poppeter. Clipopter. Clipopter. Yeah, that's how all their names were back then, wasn't it? I've never seen an episode. Neither.

Well, Clipopter's on the list. Clipopter. Clipopter. Clipopter is not a name. If we get this, you owe me $10,000. A million dollars. I'll pay you a million dollars if her name's Clipopter. What region of New Zealand does she live in?

Canterbury. We like that one. Okay. And she's always been around there? What, sorry? She's always lived around Canterbury? Yes, yes. Okay.

Okay. I might go for some classic Canterbury names. Like what? Trace. Trace. Oh, wow. Tracey. Tracey. Oh, wow. Tracey, Shelley. Never heard of Clopopita in Canterbury.

Are you sure? Never met a... What, have you met every woman in Canterbury, have you? Yeah, wow. I would imagine there's at least... To all the Clopopitas listening. What about Clopopita, the boy who met at the bloody Darfield Nipple? Oh, yeah.

Clopopita. She was lovely. And she played centre and she liked it because she had a C on her bib and that stood for centre and Clopopita the boy who met at the bloody Darfield Nipple? Oh, yeah. Klopopita. She was lovely. And she played centre and she liked it because she had a C on her bib and that stood for centre and Klopopita. Yeah, yeah. They call it pops for short. Klopopita Peter. Klopopita is not the name.

Klopopita is 100% what it is now. So to the Klopopitas listening. I apologise. Fletch, that's racist. Okay. And what are mum's siblings' names? She just has one sister, Margaret. Oh!

Margaret, look! Margaret was the first on my list. Yeah, okay. I feel like I'm on a vibe. You can cross that off. Yeah. Margaret. Okay.

All right, have you... Those are your five questions, Vaughn? Those are my five questions. Are you ready? Correct. All right, Abby, Vaughn now has 15 seconds to guess your mum's name. If you hear your mum's name, yell out, stop, that's my mum's name. Vaughn, your time starts now.

Genevieve, Jenny, Daisy, Heather, Melissa, Judy, Karen, Sue, Susan, Susie, Lucy, Linda, Deirdre. Stop, that's my mum's name. Linda. Wait, which one? Linda? Lucy. Lucy! Oh, he's done it.

He's done it. Wait, we didn't even get to Clopopita. We didn't. So there was Deidre, Elizabeth, Maggie, Clopopita, Alice Shelley, Tracy Brooke. Are we sure Clopopita's not a middle name? Middle name? Family name? No.

We had a real connection with Clopopita there. Same to me. All right, well, congratulations, Abby. $100 and you have triggered the bonus round. While you're on the phone, I'll have a go at guessing your dad's name. Vaughn now has one guess for your dad's name. No questions. What are you feeling? Run a few names with the mum's name

Yeah, yeah, yeah Lucy and Steve Nope Lucy and Aaron Oh yeah, maybe Is that a No, I feel like that's on a 70s born Is it?

It'd be, definitely It'd be Aaron It would be I don't feel it's somewhat more. More likely to be an Ian John or a Trev. I feel like those are 50s and 60s. Trev, perhaps more of your 50s. Gazza, you know.

Gazza. Canterbury, though, could be Brett. Could be Brett. Could be Brett. Could be Brett. It could be. You know what? It could be Kaplopato.

It could be. Gazza. Gazza and Lucy. Gary. Could be Bruce. It could be. You know what? It could be Kaplopato. It could be. Gazza. Gazza and Lucy. Gary. Gary and Lucy. Gary and Lucy. Simon. Oh.

Steve. You chucked a Simon in there. Lucy and. It was a. Was his name Gary? I went to school with a girl named Lucy and her boyfriend's name was. It wasn't Gary. They called him Gaz. They called him Garth.

It wasn't Garth. It was Gavin. Oh, Gavin. Gavin and Lucy. Because Gavin could be a gazzer as well. Gazzer, yeah. I mean, gazzer and loose. What are you doing this weekend?

Oh, Lucy's putting that shit on toast. Lucy's slapping up some bloody meat spread toast for everyone. We're going to go around to Lucy's and Gavin's and watch bloody Coro and eat that anchovy paste. All right, lock it in. What are you locking in? Gazza. Gavin.

For Gavin. Abby, what's your dad's name? Yeah, it's Gavin. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? No, it's not. Why didn't you start saying Gary because he has a brother called Gary? No, he doesn't.

His parents, his mum and dad were like, we sit on Gs. One's Gary, one's Gavin. Are you kidding me? So your dad's name is Gavin? Yeah. That's so funny. And we got Auntie Margaret. Did I say Gavin?

Did you say Gaz? No, you said Gaz. I said Gaz. And you said Gary.? Did I say Gavin? Did you say Gaz? No, you said Gaz. I said Gaz. And you said Gary. And then I fell for Gaz. It's around the 50-year-old mark. A lot of Gavs. Yeah, a lot of Gavs.

A lot of Gavs. Wow. Abby. I can't believe we got Gary, who's your uncle, Margaret, who's your auntie. We were really like, I feel we really vibed into your family. Yeah, and just to think you nearly went down the Klopapata route. Oh, my God. Klopopita and Klopopita.

Abby, congratulations. $200. You've won a clean sweep today. I'll be better than you can guess your mum and dad's name. Absolutely psychic abilities here from Vaughan Smith. That's my back's feeling better. Wow. My birthday's on the horizon.

I mean, this is just an alignment of the stars. I feel like I've just had like nine hours sleep. You know what I mean? Let's party. Let's party. Let me just pull up the Facebook Messenger conversation. Yesterday, Sade, my wife said to me, what time are you home? I said, why?

And she said, I'm popping out. And that generally means that's going to be expensive. It means there's shopping. I said, where do you think you're going? And she said, I'm going to get my nails did. And I said, all right, we'll see you later on. And then I messaged her saying, whoa, 1,160 cases. That was about how many COVID cases.

That was our first. We cracked 1,000. Yeah, congrats, everyone. Yeah, well done to everybody. Huge effort. Team effort. And then I said, how are the nails going? And she said, a lovely old lady was getting her nails done next to me.

Okay. And she said, a lovely old lady was trying to talk to the nail technician, but the nail technician's first language wasn't English and she was struggling to understand. And Sade felt like a little bit like sorry for this old lady because she was trying to talk to somebody. So Sade said, oh, that's a beautiful colour. I've got the conversation going.

Yep. And she said they talked about a few things and the lady said, I'm going to my granddaughter's wedding in Taupo this weekend. Oh, nice. It's the first time that me and my husband have been getting out of Auckland. Oh, yeah, okay. With this whole situation

and also the first time leaving Auckland since last year when he had his leg amputated. Oh. And she said, we can't dance anymore, and we always wanted to dance at our granddaughter's wedding. We love to dance. And she almost burst into tears right then and there. We're the same.

Like, older people stuff, no good. It'll get you right in the heartstrings. Ruins us. Yeah. Ruins us. So she said, so on the way out, she paid for her nails. She paid for the old lady's nails. And I said, oh, how sweet slash much did that cost me?

You monster boy. Finding us no object when it comes to that kind of gesture. I know, but I know my role. I've got a certain reputation to uphold. Yeah, you can't just be like, what a fantastic woman you are. I can't wait to give you a kiss. I said you are, like, seriously, you're a lovely woman with a heart of gold amongst mere mortals.

But seriously. How much did it cost? What are we talking? What was it, like $50? $50. No, it wasn't. Actually. Check the bank account.

I don't, I mean, yeah, it doesn't matter really, does it? I think it does. I think it just matters a little bit. What's too much for you to pay for this kind of gesture? What's the line where you go, ah, you didn't need to do that? That this beautiful woman shared her story with your wife and your wife just thought,

I'm just going to do a nice little gesture on my way out. Hmm. What's the price? It's not on the credit card. How was this paid for? On personal. You know when it's in a personal account,

it's too expensive. Okay, so the whole thing was $70. So let's say it was $35 each. That's okay. That's lovely. I'll be happy to pay. Wow, you're a hero, Vaughn. Wow, you're right.

This is your story. I'll pay. I'll be happy to pay. I'll pay. As long as you know I get my fair share of the kudos. You're a hero by proxy now. She's the front-facing CEO. I'm the CFO. I'm Chief Financial Officer.

Right. CEOs get a lot of credit. You're nothing. They're the front-facing part of the company. You're nothing in this scenario. I'm running the numbers behind the scenes. You wouldn't even talk. Every time a company does something good,

don't forget a CFO signed off on it. If you had been getting your nails done next to this lovely old lady, you would have been like, no, no, no, don't talk to me. Oh, no, because you've missed the fact that older women are my absolute wheelhouse. Oh, really? We talked about it briefly. Yeah. But like at weddings and stuff, it's always,

Oh, he's over with the old birds. And I'm over there. I like it. Yeah. Bit of banter with the old birds. Bit of banter with the old birds. And I'm over there. I like it. Yeah. Bit of banter with the old birds. Bit of banter with the old birds. The old boys are always real riled up. Who's this young buck in here flirting with my wife?

Right. I'm like, hey, someone's got to hit that dance floor with her. Yeah. Yeah. So she's a very, I'm very lucky to have a kind-hearted woman whose charity budget has now been spent for the month. Nobody else approach her with any sob stories. There'll be no money for your sob stories.

No, no money. We're out of money. Charity done for the month. Thank you. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day,'s Fact of the Day Been on a bit of a How Old Is dot dot dot buzz with Fact of the Day lately Okay

Chia Bata, chocolate chips And today the acronym OMG, standing for oh my god. The first use of OMG, give me a year, hit me with a year, a guess. Oh my god. OMG. 20 years ago? So you think early 2000s?

Yep. I reckon, yeah, mid 2000s, like Myspace time? Well, you're both suckers and fools. What? Fools and suckers. OMG, tell us more. 1917.

What? Who said OMG in 1917? It was a letter to Right Honourable Winston Churchill from Lord Fisher. I'm here for a few days longer before rejoining my wise men at Victory House, the world forgetting by the world forgot. This is the letter. It's very oldie times. A little bit about war.

A little bit about how well they were doing. And then he says right at the end, I hear that a new order of knighthood is on the tapas. Tapas? Table? Horizon? I think you're pronouncing table wrong. Tapas.

A tapestry or richly decorated cloth used as a hanging or covering. So like a wall table. Okay, yeah, exactly. See? So it's on the tapas. Okay. OMG, he writes. A new order of knighthood is on the cards.

It probably means like the cards It's on the cards OMG And then bracket Oh Exclamation mark My god Exclamation mark

Shower it on the admiralty Meaning that if we win this war These men all deserve this new Order of knighthood When we just defeat these Despicable Germans and Turks Wow okay And OMG The first ever Oh my god The first documented Oh my gold defeat these despicable Germans and Turks. Wow, okay.

And OMG, the first ever, oh my God, the first documented, oh my God, gold. Who was this absolute drama queen? Yeah. MG. Lord Fisher, he was an admiral and naval innovator who began World War I as a first sea lord. Sea lord tuna, he was out there getting the fish out of the sea. So that the soldiers had tuna and other things to eat out of cans with rip tabs on it.

And he invented fish fingers, I believe. You'll find. That's why his name's Fish. Yeah. Fisher. Yeah. Makes sense. Fish, they're named after his fat fingers.

His fat fish fingers. His crummy, fat, fishy fingers. Yeah. He resigned in 1915 and by 1917 his naval career was over, but still had a vested interest in it. So, yeah, he wrote to Winston Churchill, who he knew personally, and he said, OMG. Oh, my God.

So today's fact of the day is OMG. Oh, my God. OMG. OMG. 1917. A hundred and five years old. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. This is life reflecting art that reflected life at the Winter Olympics

as the Jamaican bobsled team, who we just had such high hopes, or high wishes maybe, not quite high hopes. For them, they have come dead last. So the movie Cool Runnings, which was late 80s, 90s? Very late 80s, 1993s? Very late 80s. 1993. Oh, 93. It came out. It was the last Winter Olympics of the 80s that the actual real life Cool Runnings happened.

And then the movie was made in 93. Right. And now the Jamaican Bobsled team have gone back to the real life Olympics. Indeed. They've got a two-man team and a four-man team. And they've gone back. The two-man team and a four-man team, and they've gone back. The two-man team happened. Yeah.

They slipped at the start. Did they feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, get on up? It's bobsled time. I'm sure they did. I'm sure they did. It didn't go as catastrophically as, spoiler alert, Cool Runnings. Yeah.

But they had a bit of a slip at the start of the thing, which got them off onto a bad start basically and they finished 30th out of 30. So dead last. 30th out of 30 teams. Nobody wants to be last. But everyone, it was kind of like great because everyone was like,

Cool Runnings, the iconic film. Here they are, like trying to sort of relive it. And they did because they are last. And that's what happened in the movie, right? They came last. Yeah, they crashed. But they won hearts. They won hearts.

They won hearts. I think these guys have won hearts. I believe the four-man team is yet to perform. That's coming up. Okay, so they could do better. Or you can't do worse. You can't do worse. No.

It's only up from here. But look, I mean, I love this. I love stories of absolutely coming in last place. That was me at the cross country. I've never been a cross country girl. I loved mucking around on cross country day. Me and my best friend used to stroll around, look at the bush. On the drive home the other day, there were some kids doing a run.

Yeah. At a school that I drive past. Right. And the first ones I saw, because they were running away from the school in the same direction I was heading, the first ones I saw were the walkers. Yeah. And they were like, daughter, but they were walking comically slow. Like comically slow. Yeah comically slow, like little tiny steps.

And I was like, they're putting a lot of effort into the tiny, tiny steps. Yeah, because. And I was like, come on, guys, run, try at least run. And I was like, I can tell them what to do from my position. I was that guy as well. Yeah. Yeah. So we wanted to know from you guys, when did you come dead last?

Yeah. In life. In anything. It doesn't even have to be sport. It doesn't have to be sport. You could have been miles behind in anything. In a convoy. Yeah.

To New Year's. Yeah. And you just. Maybe there was a. What about those pub quiz teams that don't do well in the first two rounds. So they make themselves like comically bad. Get nothing right. You just start drinking.

Don't you. Don't worry about the answers. I don't worry about. You just skip. You miss answers. Yeah. Did you get don't you? Don't worry about the answers. Oh, you don't worry about it. You just skip. You miss answers. Yeah. Did you get that one right? We didn't answer that one. Maybe you got disqualified or you slipped. Yeah, or maybe you are an athlete with a great story,

you know? I mean, that's the, we love to see that, don't we? When someone slips and falls in the Olympics and then they hobble to the end. It's the cramps in the 50k walk that I love. Oh, the same. The wobbles. The wobble wobbles. So yeah, when did you come last?

We asked you, when did you come dead last after the Jamaican bobsled two-man team finished 30th? Out of 30. Just like the movie. And no slight against the couple of people messaged in. Jamaica had to work so hard to get the Olympics.

My sister was one of their physios, Dr. Jo Brown. Massive achievement for her. To make it clear, nothing but respect to the Jamaican box-led team. Someone's got to come last and they don't have any ice. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's quite remarkable that they're there. Absolutely. Making history in this house.

It's admirable that they attended. But we want to know from you when you came dead last. Clara, what happened? Hi, how's it going, guys? Good. So good. Good. Good.

So it was swimming sports in high school. I know, the worst. I was 14 and the race started. I think I was coming first because I did quite well at the start. And then as I saw everyone pass me, I pretended to drown. It's the only way. Fantastic. It is the only option.

The only way I could get out of it. Did they have to jump in and rescue you? Yeah, well, not quite. They pulled out the whole big long pole and dragged me out. Oh my God! How is that less embarrassing? They gaffed you like a big tuna

that they couldn't get off. Yeah. So, yeah, that was my fail attempt at coming last. Such respect, Clara. Buddy. Clara, did you get teased for that or were there any nicknames after that? No, actually. Everyone was really kind because they actually thought I was drowning.

So I made it look real. Oh, good acting. I never did swimming sports. I always conveniently had my period. Oh, and they were like, same time every year. Same time, she's like clockwork. Yeah. Didn't you have a bad swimming sports?

Yeah, I had my period too. Yeah, yeah. It was a hard sell, but yeah. Yeah, I am at primary school. The inter-primary school, one in Morrisville, where all the rural primary schools go and swim in the big pool. Yeah. Yeah, I was doing backstroke and I choked on some water

so I stood up and started screaming mum mum and mum was just I was like look everyone I found her and she was just

dead eyeing me just shaking her head like I am right now I'm not your mother talking about when you came dead last

the Jamaican bobsled two man team came 30th out of 30 at the Winter Olympics. Just like the movie. Just like the movie. Good for them. Yeah.

It's a good story anyway. It is. I mean, they're from the Caribbean. Yeah. There's no ice. Not a lot of it. No. We want to know when you've come dead last.

Yeah. Some amazing stories coming in. Oh, I know. I came dead last at the Buller Half Marathon 12 years ago. That stuck with them. Wow. But you completed it. Yeah.

And you're competing against yourself. I feel like every marathon should hire someone whose job it is is to be the last person. So you're not last in the Boston Marathon. Yeah, so if you're ever paying for an entry into a race, you're never last. Yeah. Imagine, like, doing,

I have a friend who did the Great Wall of China Marathon. Someone's got to come last. You know what I mean? Did she come last? No, she didn't. Did they run along the wall? They run along the wall. They run 42K along the wall.

Along the wall? Yeah. Is there one stretch of wall? Oh, my Lord. Up and down steps. Oh, my God. There's a photo of her. She's climbing at one point.

Right. On her hands. Oh, that sounds horrible. But anyway, you know what I mean? Like, someone's got Oh my god. There's a photo of her she's climbing at one point. Right. On her hands. Oh that sounds horrible. But anyway you know what I mean like someone's got to someone's got to come last.

Someone's got to come last that's the rule. Yeah. Absolutely but if you finish it then you've still finished it. Stacey when did you come dead last?

So I'm from a small town too. Tearoa just out of Mooringsville. Oh yeah. Tearoa sucks. We've got to say that. We've got to say that. We've got to say that.

We've got a Springfield-Shelbyville relationship. Oh, right. Okay. I mean, you guys got hot pools. That's pretty cool. I mean, yeah, it's pretty cool. It is. Okay.

So I had my kids' finals night at Athletics, and we did a parents' race, and everyone was like, oh, yeah, you go in. You're young. You can do it. I mean, I've had three kids, so not like body young, but we did it. Mind exhausted, body not young.

Gotcha. Yeah, yeah. So we had an 800-meter race, and I was like, okay, yeah, I can run two laps. Too long for a funny parents race. Yeah, so, yeah, I started running and everyone was going ahead and I was like, oh shit, everyone started strong, maybe I'll catch up. I was walking. I was walking by the end of it and I was

last place for our whole lap. Wow. And were you the youngest parent in the race? Oh, for sure. For sure the youngest parent. You've had three kids though, you're good at other things, you know, your body's achieved amazing things. Exactly. Stacey, thank you so much for sharing.

Shelly, when did you come dead last? Yeah, so I turned 30 and I thought it was a good idea. You know, you have a bit of a midlife crisis when you turn 30, unfortunately. And I thought, let me challenge myself. Not a good swimmer, worst swimmer ever, like a rock, basically. A human rock. I decided it would be a good idea to do the Midmar Mile, which is a thing in South Africa.

1.6 kilometers in open water. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, that was my immediate thought. Bad idea, guys. Basically, as I hit the water, I knew I'd made a mistake because I was just going nowhere. Eventually, the swimming looked up. No one was mistake because I was just going nowhere. Eventually, the swimming looked up. No one was there.

I was totally by myself. And so I thought, okay, I'm going to give up. I'm just going to give up. And then everybody that was working the Maumau, looking after all the people that were on the Maumau decided that they had to be my cheerleader of some sort. And so they were like, you can do it.

Jet ski people, whatever. Everyone. You're like, piss off, I'm trying to swim, get your jet skis, wave away from me. I wanted to stop, but I couldn't now. I was under pressure. So I'm swimming and swimming and swimming and just going on forever. You have an hour and 30 minutes to complete the mid-mile mile. I eventually had to turn over on my back.

So they had these numbers that they'd put on you, like your race numbers. And my number was on my back. So they had these numbers that they'd put on you, like your race numbers, and my number was on my chest. I was on my back for so long that I'd actually sunburned my number into my chest. Oh, jeez. Yeah. I got to the end. I couldn't walk.

I was cramped up. My number burned into my chest. And I finished it. Yay! An hour and 39 minutes and 35 seconds. No, stone last. The slowest time

ever recorded by the mid-more mile. No, you had 25 seconds remaining until they pulled the plug on it and said that's the limit.

I dragged my broken, burnt body across that line and my husband, I couldn't find him. He was in the medical team. He said I died.

Oh my God, Shelly. You were a hero for finishing that. Yes, you did do it. the medical team. She said I died. Oh my God, Shelley. You're a hero for finishing that. Yes, you did do it. You did it. And then I got interviewed. I got interviewed by the local newspaper. There's a little booby prize for you. No, I just wanted to collapse though

and I had to talk to this person. I could barely stand. About being last. Amazing. Shelley, thank you for sharing. We'll finish up with Julie. Julie, when did you come dead last? Well, all the competitors were given the same tomato plant.

And we were given it around late the weekend. I didn't realise that they'd already been hardened for the outside. So I thought I'd keep mine inside for a couple of weeks, and it was doing great. And then when I put it outside, it just died on me. Well, it didn't die completely, but it was very pathetic. Julie, what competition is this, Julie? Oh, it's a tomato competition.

Where have you been? Oh, it's a tomato competition. Where? Oh, it's a tomato competition. What? They need more info. Who's running the tomato growing competition? Oh, local club. So you're... Wait, are we talking about weed?

Are we talking about weed, Julie? Are we talking about weed? No, no, no. We're talking tomato. Yeah, right, Julie. We're talking about weed. Oh, Julie's growing growing the old wheat plant. Never heard of a tomato growing competition.

How do they judge it? They're on your marks, get set, grow, and then you just watch them. They come around. In fact, I've done it for the last three years. That was the first year I did it where I came last. I improved last year. I came 17th out of 25. Not bad, not bad.

We've been judged this year, but we haven't had the awards dinner yet. There's a dinner. Do you eat the tomatoes at the awards dinner? No. Oh, you've missed an opportunity, Julie. These are award-winning tomatoes. Usually the awards dinner is in about sort of April, but last year it had to be August because of all the lockdowns and things.

Yeah, the tomatoes are a bit of a ring by then, Julie. They'd actually all disappeared by then. Good luck for this year. Good luck, Julie. Do let us know how you get on, please. We'd love to hear how you get on this year. Thanks for your call.