ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 17th January 2023

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

*Sexually Explicit Content*Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley answer the age old question "What would you take to a Desert Island"See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Try barista made iced coffees available now at your local McCafe. A classic round of Desert Island. Okay. You're stranded on a desert island.

I'm going to make it a little bit more generous. There's some cargo that's come washed ashore. Were we in the Tom Hanks plane crash? We were, but Tom Hanks also died. Oh. So, it is just you. Okay. It's just you there.

In the cargo box, you can have one food, one drink, one Discman have one food, one drink, one Discman with one song, One Discman? And one

pleasure. One drink, one food, one Discman with a song, Now is there water so this drink is outside of water? There's coconuts. Ahoy. So we can have coconut juice. And I can get into it. And the rain and the coconut husks.

If you can get into it. I can get into a coconut. Okay, my drink, mojito. Yeah, so you've got however long you're on the island, you have that supply of mojitos. Yeah, so I've got coconut water and mojitos. My food, lamingtons, red. Fuck her out.

You are on a desert island. You don't know how you're going to be there. Yeah, but yum. You need something like sustenance. I'm getting rescued. I'm getting rescued. You don't know this at this point. I do know this.

And plus I can fish. Oh my God, it would be so embarrassing if you got stranded on a desert island and all you had was lamingtons and mojitos and you came back fatter. Fatter, drunker. But tanned. Tanned.

My song, any 660 song. Oh, yeah, you love 660. Why not? Because, you know, summer feels, you know. Yeah, summer feels. Well, what a no better soundtrack for an island. And what's my one pleasure toy? No, it doesn't have to be a pleasure toy.

It could just be a pleasure, like a pillow. Because if you take your Satisfyer, if you could take your Satisfyer, you're not going to charge it. There's no USB charging. I was born with 10 Satisfyers. Wow. See, I'd say six Satisfyers.

There's no way all 10 can do the job as well as the others. The little finger. The little finger is... As a desperate measure, if you were on a desert island and you broke all of your fingers and all you had left for pleasure was your pinkies,

you would find a way. You'd find a way. I mean, that's humans. That's the gift of humanity. A little harder for you would be like you're lighting a fire. You probably would catch fire. I'd put some dry pine needles around it

just in case the friction led to heat and smoke and then I'd get a fire going as well. What's your pleasure, Fletch? With your mojitos, lamingtons and 6 and then I get a fire going what's your pleasure Fletch um with your mojitos lamingtons and 660 yeah I'm gonna

have to have um a boat pleasure craft oh my god okay fine you can have a boat okay

well I'm leaving the island suckers sure with your big fat lamington guts but you can't be there until you

get rescued right oh yeah and you'll sink the boat because you've had too many lamingtons maybe a lilo or a that'slo or a giant inflatable swan. You know those ones from Kmart?

I like those. Okay. Borny, what do you have in? I'd have whiskey for my drink. You're not going to have ice. That's right. Warm whiskey, yeah. That's fine.

I'll find a cold cave and keep it there. Just have my supply in there. Club whiskey. That's fine. I'll find a cold cave and keep it there. Okay. Just have my supply in there. Club sandwiches. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Those are club sandwiches. Delicious.

Club sandwiches. Egg, ham, chicken, tomato, lettuce. It's got a bit of everything. Vegetables, carbohydrates, protein. Love it. It's the ultimate one-stop shop for island survival. Could I have quarter pounders? Could I change mine from Leamington's to quarter pounders?

Yeah, you could change it if you want. But does that mean that there's a little- I don't know if there's going to be any- No, there's a McDonald's kiosk on the island. No, there's not. No, but if I'm getting quarter pounders- No, there's not. I'm making the rules of this island.

If I'm getting quarter pounders so I can have sundaes, apple pies- No, it's in the crate. It's in the cargo. It's in the cargo. Yeah, so there's a whole McDonald's restaurant in the cargo. There's not. There is. Fine.

How are they making me a quarter pounder every day? Fine. You've got to man it yourself, though. I'll do that with a cute little uniform. Yeah. Yeah. Pull up to the drive-thru. Yeah.

Pull up to the drive-thru of the coconuts. I bet there's no bloody receipt paper in the machine. Oh, you don't need a receipt. Okay. You're running the place. Yeah, I'll be like, order 24. Oh, that's me because I'm the only one on the island. That's me.

I'm going to run around and do the other jobs. So good. Okay, you're having a whiskey and a club sandwich. Yeah. I was the other 23 orders the island That's me I'm going to run around And do the other jobs So good Okay you're having A whiskey and a club sandwich Yeah And what was my A song and a pleasure A pleasure would be

A tent Yeah Like a glamour A glamping tent Oh yeah A huge One of those big bell tents Yeah

You know at a festival Cute yeah So you're basically At a festival A beach festival And just me there too So the perfect amount Of people at this festival, a beach festival. And just me there too, so the perfect amount of people at this festival.

Cute. And then what song? Sheer? No, just a really long, a long song. Hotel California, The Eagles. Free Bird by Levin Skinner. Or just like a long classical song. So I just kind of played.

Like Tchaikovsky's Four Seasons. How long does that go for? Well, they're in that go for well they're they're in four parts but they're quite long wasn't that a bank ad you don't want flashbacks national bank a rearing a rearing stallion but no yeah a long classical song okay okay i'm going my drink is prosecco oh yeah because it's light in it yeah like you say, island vibes, summer vibes. My food, I'm going to go, I'm going to hit a curry. Hot for a curry.

Is there a little India restaurant on the island? Yeah, I'm going to hit a curry, rice and naan. My song would be something by Queen, but maybe one of their longer, more unknown ones. It's Late. Something like that. Prophet's song. And then my pleasure. Satisfied, bro. It's Late, something like that Prophet Song, and then My Pleasure

Satisfier Pro Two or original? Two I mean the quality, the difference between technology Can you imagine, you know, this is the Star Wars situation, A New Hope goes well, Empire Strikes Back, the sequel

unheard of but the sequel's better The Satisfier Pro 2 is the Empire Strikes Back. The sequel. Unheard of, but the sequel's better. The Satisfier Pro 2 is the Empire Strikes Back. Yes. Have they got a third movie in them? I don't know that they do. Has the Satisfier Pro 3 on the cards? It has one function. Yeah.

And that's the function. But the step up from one. I don't even know of the one. The one made no impact. The two made such a huge impact. The three. What a follow up it's got on its hands. When you get to three, you've got to add something

that your everyday life would use. Like, I don't know, like a fan for summer. Cheese grater. A pen. Yeah. A cheese grater.

Oh no, you don't want a cheese grater if you get the wrong end of that in the dark when you come home drunk and horny and you just want to finish yourself off.

Yeah. Jesus. I think we better go with a pen. Jesus. Or a torch. Why don't you drool over it?

You get home, you whip it out of your handbag, you can find the lock, the key. But the torch would use so much of the battery, don't you drool over it So you get home You whip it out of your handbag You can find the lock The key But the torch would use so much of the battery Don't run that torch for too long No Yeah Don't run that torch for too long

What about a speaker? A portable speaker So it can play 660 to Fletch when he's on the island A Bluetooth speaker Perfect That only plays 660 Well if you enjoyed that, give us a rating and review

and be sure to tell your mates. You know what? I reckon your script reading is getting better. Thank you. I give it five stars. Thank you. Just like I'd give this podcast.

I'm telling my friends about your script reading too. Thank you. Much like I'm going to do about this podcast. Thank you Vaughan and Hayley for that. Good boy. ZM's Flet, Vaughan and Hayley, for that. Good boy.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.