ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 18th August 2022

Episode Date: August 17, 2022

Designer....  Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Death Wish  Community Notices  Bad News Brad!Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Everybody wants to be my enemy. Hello, welcome... Excuse me? Friday night. Oh, it's going down. Welcome to the Fleets Ford and Hayley Podcast. It's thanks to McCafe.

Download the McDonald's app and earn rewards on your coffee. Call ya, girl. Currently outside the studio, we're experiencing the river of, what are they calling it? The river of... Atmospheric river. An atmospheric river. So it's raining. It's persisting down, as my parents would say when we were kids.

Yeah, you guys are about to film Have You Been Paying Attention? And Hayley and I are currently in the midst of trying to convince Warren to come for a little brunch. Now, here's the thing. Now, I shouldn't need convincing. No, you shouldn't. Fletch and I, this week, and this is terrible because it's Thursday, have already been out together twice after work. Yeah, but this is what people listening to the show,

listening to the podcast now, they're going to hear bad news. Brad talked about this indiscretionary spending that's boosting. I think my wife and you two are single-handedly responsible for inflation rates. Hayley and I, we saw the restaurant industry punished over the last few years. We're just trying to help them out. The doors were closing on some of our favourite places. We're just trying to help keep them afloat. The everyday

man. Also, when Bad News Brad was in, which you'll hear, someone did text in saying, the world is so miserable at the moment. We have to spend to help cheer ourselves up. Yeah. Fair call. We've got to find something else that makes us happy and that's how I'd like to introduce to you both

the Lord Jesus Christ. I thought you were going to say sex. Is the Lord Jesus Christ a kimchi omelette? Because that's what I'm about to have. And me. Answer the question, Ward. He's all in everything. So yes, he is also a kimchi omelette. He will be in me too? He will be in you, through him, with him.

Will he satiate my hunger? Yeah, that's the good thing about the Lord. He will satiate your hunger. Will he satiate my hunger? You sound like meatloaf. Will he satiate my hunger? Yes. Yes, he will.

Come on, come to brunch. It's raining. It's going to be a short little brunch. I'll drive us. Wait, so we're driving A few hundred metres To a cafe to eat Yeah we are You might have to drive us

Actually I've got a perfect car I do Yeah I've got room In fact that's actually Why we're inviting you And leaning on you so heavily Is that you're You need the chimney

We need the chimney My car's a bit of a mess To take us The little chimney Could park on the footpath Right outside I could get us from door to door No need to get a drip

You could get that sausage thing you had, or you had the chicken last time. What sausage thing did I have? You had that sausage. You had like a hot dog. Oh, yeah, I had a hot dog. We all got eggs on toast, and you got a hot dog with chips. That was when I was like, oh, I'll just have a fat day.

And then that day just lasted forever. I think that was the day that it started. Yeah, yeah. I was like, yeah, hot dog for breakfast. That sounds legit. This journey to health that we've been on recently has been the most fun journey to health. I don't know why. It feels like we took a wrong turn at Carbohydrateville, though, and we've been going the wrong way

on the journey to health. Taking the scenic route to journey to health. I do like the scenery, though. It's beautiful. Yeah. So brunch? Okay. Yeah. Taking the scenic route to junior health. I do like the scenery, though. It's beautiful. Yeah. So brunch? Okay.

Yes. Let's go. Hair pressure is so great, isn't it? You should try it. Can we discuss business? Yeah. This is the best. Absolutely.

For our company. Fantastic. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Are we sure that no humans gone into the cathedral since the earthquake? Not even a drunk?

Well, no. Somebody drunk on an official capacity. Oh, right. You'd have a stumble in there. They'd have a little look, wouldn't you? I mean, it's always been fenced off. I don't think fences have ever really stopped. No.

Hooligans. Pigeons have had such exclusive access all this time. Do you remember when we did the police ride along he was telling us a lot of the

abandoned buildings had like sensors in them and they'd just alert the police. Yeah lasers. Oh like a spy movie where they're like through the lasers.

I just shake my talcum powder it it uncovers the laser and then I just step over that's why I vape yeah

you'll actually see Tom Cruise in the next Mission Impossible vape his way into an IT server room hitting a hard vape I used to just

sort of crawl under them but since I've been working on me old glutes yep you know it pops up too much now. Oh, right, okay. It hits the laser,

so I'm going to get a new technique next time, breaking into a museum. Coming up on the show this morning, HBO's House of the Dragon is here on Monday, and we'll get you a chance to win cash if you can dodge the fire-breathing dragons. Eight o'clock if you want to win cash. You've had a little sneaky preview, haven't you?

I have watched the first episode, and I don't think I'm allowed an opinion on that until the embargo is... Certainly not a review. No, I'm not allowed a review or anything until it comes out. You walked in and said, okay, I won't say anything about House of the Dragon. I don't want to hear it. Because I haven't watched any. I think you can say what I said. There's an actor on there that we're very excited about.

Yeah, you know Fleabag's dad? Yeah. He's in it. He's in it. And I was like, where do I know that guy from? Fleabag's dad. Fleabag's dad. And actually, in the New Zealand Herald today, in the timeout,

there's like pages of info on the new House of the Dragons show. There's interviews and stuff with a lot of the cast. No spoilers. Not long to wait. Remember when people thought it was funny to post Game of Thrones spoilers? Coming up on the show the top six.

Yeah, a man has died and another man has honoured his wish of deconstructing his sex dungeon. You've got to have that person in your life, don't you? You've got to. Yeah. You've got to, rather than having his family deal with it and kind of confront the face. Who's taking down your dungeon?

That'll be my bestie, Jess. Okay. We've actually had a funeral chat, so we know the songs, the drinks, the things we're going to do. For real? Yeah. Okay, that's a bit grim. Yeah, we've had it for years.

You're not like in your 60s or 70s? No, we worked this out when we were like 20. Has the music changed or is it still Panic at the Disco? It's still Panic at the Disco. Okay, good. And Paramore? Yeah, a lot of Paramore.

I'm going to go down the aisle to Good Charlotte. Oh, yeah. Nice, yeah. Yeah, it's going to go down the aisle to Good Charlotte. Oh, yeah. Nice, yeah. Yeah, it's going to go off. Which Good Charlotte song? I mean, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. I mean, what a song. You know what I mean?

What a song. I'm also anticipating my career absolutely skyrocketing. Yeah, it certainly does say funeral to me, doesn't it? Good Charlotte, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. So coming up in the top six, dealing with that. Yeah, the top six are things that will need to be taken care of upon my death. Okay, right.

I'm assuming you want us to do all of this. Yeah, if you could. Okay, that's no problem. Next on the show. There's been a rise in plastic surgery on a particular area. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. The request for a

designer vagina has skyrocketed between 2020 and 2021. Why? What's been the... Have they pinpointed why? Floor mirrors. Oh my god, I got these, yeah, the tiles that are mirrors. Oh, my God. I got these.

Yeah, the tiles that are mirrors. Yeah, it's the new bathroom trend of having mirrored floor tiles. What is that poking out? Yeah, what's happening down there? Yeah. Maybe they're just being confronted by it a bit more. They think that it's because exercise clothing is fashion now more than ever. Oh, right. Not just for the gym, but because it's so tight and form-fitting,

one, can be uncomfortable if you're down there, and two, you can see it. This is why guys have been dealing with this forever with bike shorts, haven't they? Yeah, but you wouldn't just ever rock a bike short without a short over top, would you? Oh, people do, don't they? Oh, you know, cyclists do.

Cyclists do? Yeah, I suppose they do. But, would you? Oh, people do, don't they? Cyclists do. Cyclists do? Yeah, I suppose they do. But why would you get your foreskin trimmed? Yeah, how would you? Like, what's the equivalent? You say we've been dealing with it for ages, but they're still a padded short. You can see a bulge, but you can't see, like...

Yeah, that's true. You can't be like, oh, but too much forey there. I literally just Googled, is there penis cosmetic surgeries? And is there? There's penis enlargement surgeries and penis augmentation. Almost no method of penis augmentation actually works. However, currently the PNUMA implant is the only FDA-approved cosmetic surgical procedure.

Producer Jared. Producer Jared, tell everyone what you just told us in the group chat. Once, right when we freshly landed in New Zealand and I started going to school. From South Africa. From South Africa. We weren't allowed to play outside if we weren't wearing shorts.

Okay. So to adapt with the cold, I wore long pants. And then before morning tea and lunch, I changed into bike shorts so I could go play outside. And I did it once. Just bike shorts? Just bike shorts. And then were you relentlessly mocked? It was borderline bullying.

But how old were you? I was like seven. Who's packing out a pair of bike shorts at seven? Oh, this guy. This guy? This guy. Tell you what. Shiver me timbers oh little young jared and this tight little girl shorts that's really sweet is it juicy on the back oh

yeah i bet they do yeah just get sure baby it's the medical term is labiaplasty so it's it's if you if your menorah is out a little bit right Right. Which is super, super common. But people, they've said that in America, between 2020 and 2021, 36% more requests for a designer vagina. Yeah. But in the UK, almost 70% increase in requests and inquiries into getting labiaplasty.

Is pornography setting unrealistic standards? 100%. Oh yeah, there'd be pornography setting unrealistic standards? 100%. And then everybody's stuck at home, so I assume everybody else is watching a bit more as well. I don't know. Based on your research, you'd say

yes? I went back and watched The Sopranos. What are you watching? I really want to start The Sopranos as well. The Sopranos are so good. I'll preface it by saying it's incredibly problematic. Oh, yeah. Even was at the time. Oh, I know.

But it's just great writing. Right. But so what are you watching? Because I'm watching The Sopranos 2 now. Think of a show for me. Think of a show. Any show. Any show for me.

The Simpsons. Any show. Simpsons. Okay. You of a show horn. Teeny show horn. Teeny show horn. The Simpsons. Teeny show... Simpsons. Okay. You're off the hook. Well, at the bottom of this, they said these doctors are saying the connotations with pornography. Dangerous and misleading

as it pushes shame on women. Yeah. If they've got a vagina that doesn't quite look like that one. But probably the woman you're watching has had a little bit of a design vagina. Probably,

that'd be a tax write-off too because that's a business expense. Only if you're in that certain industry. If you're in that industry. Could I claim that? Because I do, I claim a lot of my beauty stuff

like gym membership because I've got to keep it tight. Yeah, you've got to keep it tight. So I keep getting employed, you know what I mean? Heaven forbid. Yeah,

I don't think it matters you being on Have You Been Paying Attention. I get my eyebrows done and I claim that, nails. If they got rid of that, you it matters you being on Have You Been Paying Attention. I get my eyebrows done and I claim that. Nails. You stand behind a podium on Have You Been Paying Attention. If they got rid of that, then you probably could. Because I wear like suit pants and stuff.

Yeah. It would be distracting. Yeah. Imagine the IRD audits you and you're like, Vagina Plastic. I want to claim 100% of it, but maybe just 50%. What's this $5,000 charge to Remuera Cosmetics? Like, well, I work in the entertainment industry.

How much does one cost in New Zealand? I literally spoke to someone last night. We were talking about hair removal. Oh, yeah. And we got to down there. It was a room full of women. Okay. And we were all sharing stories.

Yeah. And then one of the women in the room said that she had a designer vagina. What's that got to do with hair removal? Did she get the, she got it all trimmed and she's like, Jesus,

is that what's under there? How we got to, oh, what are you doing hiding in there? Just to chat about the area. Just to chat about the area and then we were talking in great detail about the area.

Right. Which is when she said, I got mine chopped off. I think it seems to be one of those ones you genuinely would do for your own, like, yeah. Hers was a comfort thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, comfort true, but yourself, because, like, it's not out the whole time, is it? Yeah. But she said to me, no, I mean, not typically.

I opt for pants in the workplace. Yeah. But she said $5,000 in I mean, not typically. I opt for pants in the workplace. But she said $5,000 in New Zealand. Wow. Okay. Yeah. There you go. They're on the rise. It is fascinating.

It is fascinating. I'd rather have a European holiday. Well, why don't you combine them? You'd go to a European holiday and you'd go to a nude beach. You'd get your bloody designer willy out. You'd get your a European holiday and you'd go to a nude beach. You'd get your bloody... Yeah, right. Designer Willie out. You'd get your oyster out. There's been a study into our social media habits, like over a lifetime,

and what we leave behind when we die. And I think it's not always a bad thing. Because I'm into a bit of Ancestry.com at the moment. I tell you what, it's going to be way easier for my great, great, great, great grandkids. What did that ugly bastard look like? And they'll be able to see. Yeah. From days gone by.

So the modern person now is on track to leave behind an online trail of 9,828 photos. Wow. 10,811 social media posts, and this is the part that blows my mind, 126 email addresses. What? That must be serial job changes. That's a lot of...

I've got four. Yeah, I'd say I've had maybe four or five in my lifetime. Yeah. Yeah. My first one was Gru, G-R-U underscore V underscore baby. Gru versus baby. Gru. Yeah. My first one was Gru G-R-U underscore V underscore baby. Gru versus baby. Groovy baby.

Groovy baby. Wow. And then my second one was Miss underscore B underscore haved. Yeah, misbehaved. And I had Miss underscore B underscore haved for too long. Yeah, and then you started applying for jobs and you were like, this email address is problematic.

Yeah. Yeah. That is embarrassing. Was one of them a Yahoo? No, I didn't. I never Yahooed. I went from Hotmail to Gmail. Hotmail to Gmail.

Oh, wow. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Groovy baby. 126 is a phenomenal amount of emails. Even the social media posts, if you've got Twitter, there'd be Twitter users

that already have 10,000 replies on posts, right? Yeah, yeah, easy, easy, easy. Because they're adding them all up, like your Facebook posts, your Instagram posts, your Twitter posts. Yeah, just social media posts. Oh, wow. I wonder if artificial intelligence will ever get to the point where you could, like, you get your granddad's social medias

from when he was alive in 2016, and you could, like, punch it into an AI and it will like, and then create like a little simulated version of a person based on their social media posts. Oh, yeah. I think you're going to say you could get an AI to pretend to be you and then do your work for you while you're on a beach. Based on my social media habits. Yeah.

That'd be fun. If it was Twitter, that would either be like, Grandad would be spouting 141 character racist slurs or he'd just be popping off for heaps of observational comedy one-liners. Yeah, that'd be good.

How many posts on Instagram do you have? Do I have? Yeah. Um, hold on. Instagram do you have? Do I have? Yeah. Hold on. Can you fletch him? What have you got? Probably a lot. But 866, and that seems like too many. 1,396.

I've got 654. Reserved. That's a lot, hey? You're a private man. But when you think about it, I'm like... I've taped it off a lot in the last couple of years. I remember posting more than like 100 or like 50 of these. Yeah.

You scroll down, you're like, oh, that's right. I don't remember posting. I mean, you could probably get rid of about three quarters of them, couldn't you? No, mine's very curated. I hate this like, you know, dump pictures of your half-eaten sandwich next to a cable. Yeah.

I can't do it. A blurry photo of your hot ass, that sort of thing. Right. Oh, yeah. You're not dumping at all. No, I'm filtering. I'm giving a nip-tuck every now and then. Yeah, okay.

Yeah. I don't do that, but I like a little curated photo. All right. I will say, though, my most liked photo of all time is me looking like a pilot, shy. Well, there you go. You've got to dump more. And it's like a bad photo. It's a bad unfiltered photo.

Right. All right. Stand by for some hot pictures of packets and car gas. Car gas? I don't know. I panicked. I've never lived in Dubai, but we know several friends that have lived in Dubai. Tax free.

Yeah. It's a good lifestyle. It is really good. A friend of mine just moved back. If you can turn a blind eye to all the corruption and human rights violations, boy, it's the place for you. That was coming next, the little asterisks. The nightlife, the nightlife.

Well, there's no drinking. You're not allowed to be intoxicated in public. And you can't grab a guy's ass, you know? If you're a guy, you can't just grab a guy's ass. It'll get you a night in the clink. Even, like, we know people that move there to work and they had to get married quickly, didn't they? Yeah.

The straight couples. Yes. Because you're not even allowed to live in the same abode. Yes. Well, the Dubai Public Prosecution Department has reminded those in Dubai that they can be fined up to 500,000

dirhams for insulting others online. And this is a thing in Dubai. If you insult somebody online, you can be fined and you can even be imprisoned. Would that include for example, people that

are on TV and then you saying you think you're so funny? I mean, that's insulting, right? Fletcher's doing that to you in person. Is it just online? It's just online. It's face-to-face bullying.

I just walk into the office every morning and say, oh, you think you're funny to me. Ah, here she is. Shuckles McGee. Oh, yeah? But do you think about all the comments that just people make online on Facebook or news posts? Yeah.

So that's findable. I can think of one this week. The Whittaker's chocolate. Yes. Really got everybody up. Yeah, I know. People have been going to each other online. What is it?

Miraka creamy. Creamy. Miraka creamy. Creamy milk. So the fine works out to be $215 New Zealand dollars. $500,000 Durham's. Good. But there's also prison.

Good. But there's also prison. Good. So there was one case, a man insulted a workmate via WhatsApp with a voice message. And he ended up being ordered to pay, it wasn't 500,000, it was 10,000 in damages. What's that, like $50?

Because 500,000 dirhams is $215. No, it's $21 It's $21 Yeah If it's a tenth of the year Yeah, it is Yeah, so $21 Wow

That's a nice learner I could get called some pretty horrible things for $20 Could you imagine like the amount of like the police department They would need to Yeah, it seems like a lot of admin for $20 It'd be so much admin Yeah Too much.

Okay, so no more insulting online. Well, in Dubai. I mean, you're flying here, so. Could I fly to Dubai and screenshot all the times people have put horrible things on my social media? That's a good call. Do you have to prove that you were in Dubai at time of? Well, I think you'd have to be a resident. Yeah, you'd have to be a Dubai resident.

And also, you don't get the money. What? The government gets it, I think it'd have to be a resident. Yeah, it'd have to be a Dubai resident. And also, you don't get the money. What? The government gets it, I think. Oh. The government gets enough. I mean, that guy got like $20. See, no tax. No tax.

They'll get you. They'll always get you in another way. I'll sing it loud in case you don't already know. Pack up your... and go. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley, silly little Paul, silly little Paul.

It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little Paul, silly little Paul, silly little Paul, silly little Paul, silly little Paul. Today little poll Silly little poll Today's silly, silly little poll. Do you put your phone on silent when you sleep? Yes. Yes. I put it on do not disturb mode.

Same thing. Yeah, same thing. No, it's not. Shut your face. If you just click it down on silent, it'll still vibrate. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I hate that. That's the worst. Yes. That's the worst because when you're asleep. It's worse than a ding. Totally. A ding is a ding when you're asleep. That could be anything.

Yeah. That could be, and it works its way into your dreams. Yes. And then you're like, and there's like some swarm of bees trying to get in your window. Yeah. I've got this sleep schedule thing.

Yeah. It just does it. Although you'll remember I was late to work last week. My sleep schedule just stopped working. It just stopped working.

It's ruined your trust. I'm bugged. I decided to reset all my settings and now it's working again. It was really fun When Fletch nearly Wasn't at work eh Yeah

It felt good Not to be the last person here Yeah yeah yeah That was nice huh It felt good To be the penultimate person here You're back to being The last person at work

You're back to being The last person at work Today we did go Where is Vaughn And we had to check That you'd seen One of the messages In our chat

You know why Oh here we go Well no I got to work And I went to that kitchen've seen one of the messages in our chat. You know why? Oh, here we go. Well, no, I got to work and I went to that kitchen, the one kitchen, and there was no cups that suited my... I've got a very specific cup. Yeah, Tony Street steals your cup,

doesn't she? Tony Street steals my cup. So then I grabbed the coffee from that one and went to the other kitchen where there's a cup. Then I had a cup and a coffee. The coffee. Yeah. Then the hot tap out here's a cup. Yep. And then I had a cup and a coffee, the coffee. Yeah. Then the hot tap out here is not working again. Well, it worked for me. Why is it working for you?

I couldn't get the cold tap, I couldn't get the hot tap to work. Oh, I got the cold tap working. No, I had the hot tap working. See, again, lies. And that's the lie. I had to go back to the other kitchen with the cup and the coffee. Right. And the hot water.

Right. We've discovered that the tap did work at about five past five when we were here. Well, it didn't work for me. At 5.45. Do you put your phone on silent when you sleep?

68% of people, only 68 say yeah, 32% say nah. Like, because I always have this conversation with people when they don't put their phone on silent.

And they're like, oh yeah, but I don't want to miss a call if my mum dies. And I'm like... Dude, she's still going to be dead if you sleep through it. Do you know what I mean? Exactly. She's still going to be dead in the morning.

Exactly. But also, with sleep schedule, and I know that all the phones are the same, you can set your contacts to ring through if your phone's on sleep mode. Oh, God, do you know what I did the other day? Side thought. I created a personal ringtone for Aaron for when I call. Oh, wow, okay. I recorded, I wrote him a little song,

and I recorded my voice in it, uploaded it to his ringtones, and now when it... What does it say when you call? Did you record it in GarageBand and export it as a file that can be... Yeah. Cool, man. What does it say when you ring your partner?

Guys, he's going to be so mad that I'm sharing this. Okay, we call each other Bean. Okay, yeah. So he's out at an important meeting and he goes, Bean makes me espresso martinis. He rubs my feet all the way up to my knees When I am late, he cooks me up some tea And lays tomorrow's clothing out for me Wow.

He's not going to let that play amazing. So it was just a stupid thing that I said and now I've recorded it. That's cute. But it's in a silly voice. I'm like, Ian, Ian, it makes me. I think you can make money by making people personalised, like, musical ringtones. You tell me if you want a personal ringtone, I'll make you a little four-liner. Yeah.

I'm hustling. Well, I wouldn't want that on while I'm sleeping at 2am in the morning. Yeah. Put your phone on silent. We've got some feedback in. You better believe it. Chaz or Shaz? Chaz if it's CH

I'm going with Chaz I go full hog with do not disturb Even if it's an emergency Let me sleep Courtney says Automatic do not disturb So I don't have to But my husband doesn't

So what's the point? He's dinging off next year You don't want your husband dinging off next to you. You don't want your husband dinging off next to you while you're sleeping. You just don't. You know? You know, have some respect. If you've got a good mattress, you won't even know your husband's dinging off next to you.

Yeah. And, you know, you might have a headache, and he needs to not have a headache. Get a quality Sealy. Yeah. A quality Sealy bed. They're not dinging off. You won't even know.

Yeah. She said the only people who should contact me in the middle of the night is my husband and our babies, and they're all at home. Yeah. But, you know, it's just that every app now wants to ding you and notify you about something. You don't need that while you're sleeping. I'm sick of it. Good night's sleep.

Everyone wants to ding me all the time. I don't want to be dinged. I want to go to sleep. Megan says, don't wake up to it if it goes off anyway, so I don't put it on silent. Oh. You'd be a sleeper. Okay. I clicked out of it.

Sorry. I'll fill this gap with a couple of text messages that came in. I said with my phone on silent, I said I don't want my twatty family in the UK texting me at 3 a.m. to tell me, hey, how hot is this? You're my twatty family back home message. And now it is for Aunty Mabel's dad. Oh, my God. You don't want that at 3 a.m. Well, like you're saying, Aunty Mabel will still be dead at 7. She's dead, mate. She'sty Mabel's dad. Oh, my God. You don't want that at 3.

Well, like you say, Aunty Mabel will still be dead at 7. Well, she's dead, mate. She's dead. She's dead. And somebody else messaged in, I put mine on silent now because I've got a new girlfriend. Does that mean there's still other people messaging him? Oh, yeah, I don't know.

Or her. Yeah. Here's an interesting one. Some people sleep with it out of the room. I can't. No, what about your alarm and stuff? Maybe they Here's an interesting one. Some people sleep with it out of the room. I can't. No, what about your alarm and stuff? Maybe they've got an alarm clock. Lynn says, I turn the data off and that's about it.

So unless someone dies, I doubt it'll ring. So no messenger or anything like that. Oh, okay. That's a good way of doing that. Okay. How do you quickly... Oh, yeah. There is a shortcut to turning off your cell data.

No, there's not. You turn off the one with the tower. Oh yeah, the green tower. Yeah. And then you're just on, okay. But then you're still on the home Wi-Fi. Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Gemma does flight mode. No one's disturbing my sleep. Yeah, good. And the battery still goes off. Yeah, that's a good call actually. A lot of bosses saying they have to leave it on in case there's an emergency. Nah. The business they run.

Your business will be burnt to the ground at 7am. It'll still be burnt to the ground, you know? And then Samantha says, mate, I haven't taken my phone off silent since 2008. Yeah, so my phone lives on silent more than not. Just because... You're a... Like, yuck.

Phone call? Gross. I'll message, I'll get back to you when I see you. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hi there. Got something that needs taking care of when you die?

It's probably important to get it sorted with a friend before you do. Yeah. A man has a sex dungeon. Of course he does. And he wants somebody, well, his deal was, I need somebody to take this apart. How did this get into the news? Well,

sex dungeons are all the rage. Are they? Yeah, well, because there's that Netflix series that is How to Build a Sex Room. Have you seen that? No. Oh, it's really interesting. It's good, eh, Carween? It's like a renovation show

that they build you an intimate space. But it's also just about, it's not all about that, your whips and chains. It's about maybe just an intimate room, a room where you and your partner can spend time. I've heard it's just a really interesting about relationship. It's super interesting. heard it's just a really interesting relationship.

It's super interesting. So it's like my 10 dream home or the block. Yeah, but they put, you know. But you're watching this car when you're watching this film. My flatmate and I have actually finished it. Yeah, I binged it in a day. I couldn't look away. And I recommended it to my mum.

She loved it too. So there was like a couple of them that were Your mum! were the usual, you know, Yeah. What do they call them? The St. John's cross and the likes. And then there was

some of them that, yeah, it was like a bedroom that was not conducive to lovemaking. Right. So just adding an intimate cross, this one.

Yeah, the cross. Yeah, there's one of these in this picture that you get chained to. Feet and hands. Goodness me. I just tie somebody up and then tickle them. How bad is that?

Do you know what your love about it was? She keeps calling them hard points. Oh, yeah. So she'd be like, this is where I need a hard point to the builder. I need a hard point here, hard point here, which is like more like reinforcement in the ceiling so she can put slings and swings and chains and whatnot. Goodness me. You don't want to be cracking your wall if you're not fixing to a hard point. in the ceiling so she can put slings and swings and chains and whatnot. Goodness,

you don't want to be cracking your wall if you're not fixing to a hard point. Nothing kills the vibe like your jib. You know what really shit me are those

screws when you want to hang something and there's no wood behind, there's no joist, no nog to go into so you've got to put one of those screws into your jib

and then screw into that. They never hold that junk. Your macrame is going to come crashing down. In the middle of the night, probably. Well, this guy is the coffin confessor. Bill Edgar's his name, and he's been carrying out final wishes for people. He said his first one, he's a private investigator,

his first one, a client who was dying said, I'll pay you $10,000 to crash the funeral and kick out an old friend who I know has been trying it on with my wife since I got sick. So ever since, he's like, yeah, I do requests with people who are about to pass away. What a fascinating job. There'd be a way to make some money doing that. Yeah. I got a call from a palliative care nurse who said to me, I've got a guy in here.

He's dying. He had a fall at home. He can't go home. He's petrified of what his sons are going to find in there. He needs someone to go back and clean it. And I'm like, well, get a cleaner. I don't clean. And they said, no, no, it's not like that.

The 88-year-old had a sex dungeon, effectively. All right, pops. There's a few hard points there. Yeah. There's a few. Well, at that age, I don't know how many hard points you've got on this, do you?

Semi points. A couple of semi points. A couple of semis and a couple of pill-assisted hard points. Yeah. So, yeah, that's what he's like. This is my job now. And he's kind of been talking about what he does,

but he said the sex one's the one that people are the most interested in. Yeah, right. So I've got the top six things to take care of after I, Vaughn Smith, die. Okay. Number six, don't worry about clearing my internet history. Just gather all of my devices that could have ever connected to the internet and burn them. Yeah.

Or put them in a chipper or throw them in the deepest part of the ocean. Okay. It's not, yeah, you can't just sort of erase the cookies. The cookies. This is a burn the laptop. The cookies are burnt in, and so to get them out, you need to burn them. Yeah. You just chuck sort of erase the cookies. The cookies. This is a burn the laptop. The cookies are burnt in, and so to get them out, you need to burn them. Just chuck them all in the ocean.

Number five on the list of the top six things to take care of after I die. Someone's going to need to pick one of my pets that's going to be euthanized and buried with me, Egyptian style. Who's it going to be you're going to pick now? Lulu. Hermione.

Lulu's nearly gone. You know what? If Lulu outlives me, don't put her down. If I don't, yeah, one of the big cows. But we've also got to fit in the chimney. It's going to be a big hole. I'm getting buried in that. One of the chickens.

One of the cladashians. I had to put down another chicken yesterday. What if we put you, really sad. What if we put you and Hermione in the chimney and then take you to a metal scrappers, turn you into a cube, because then me and Fletch won't be digging as big a hole. Yeah, we don't want to be there all day.

Bleed us before you do it, because otherwise when that crusher goes in, there's going to be a lot of additional liquids squirging out. Number four on the list are the top six things that need to be taken care of after I die. Someone's going to have to work with the funeral director to spring load the coffin so I pop up mid-funeral.

Yep, that can be a ride. I've already recorded the audio that's going to go with it. Like, ah, ah, ah, ah! That's the audio. All right, great stuff. Remember the guy who put the little recording of him saying, help, help! Yeah, the Irish guy.

I'm not alive! Yeah. Anyone was cracking up. Yeah, the Irish guy. I'm not alive. Yeah. Anyone was cracking up? Yeah, except, how would you know? You'd probably still crack open the topper just to make sure, right? Yeah, 100%. Just to make sure.

Number three on the list of the top six things you're going to have to take care of after I die. Someone's going to need to tell Sade about family number two. And someone's going to need to tell Sade about family number one. Yeah. Sade and Sade. You deal with Sianay, I'll deal with Sianay I get on with her so much better than I do with Sianay Yeah

She's just more of my So welcoming She's got good plates No chips No chips in her plates I can't afford plates at both houses. That's why Sade gets the chipped ones. Yeah, it's hard enough keeping two.

In fact, I take Sade's old plates around to the family's house. Number two on the list are the top six things to take care of after I die. Someone's going to have to kill all my clones that I made. I clone myself a whole bunch of times so I don't have to do anything. Okay. Every day of the week. There's seven of us. Is this you?

Are you you today? I'm number three. I'm number three. Oh, okay. I'm not the original. God, you look just like him. Yeah, yeah, I know. But he's chilling.

He's having a sleep in. He's got some other stuff to do. I'm happy for him, actually. Okay. Him, one, four, and seven are working on a shed. They've got some other stuff to do. I think he is. Two was going to do the lawns today, but it's raining.

Okay. So I don't know what two's up to. But it's good for the movies, too. You just pay for one ticket. Then you just, oh, I've just got to nip out seven times. We can all go watch the movies. But anyway, someone's going to need to kill them because they won't want to go quietly. Yeah, fair call.

You guys all right with killing seven? How are we going to know which one's the real one? That's the thing. And number one on the list of the top six things to take care of after I die. She can't do it herself so someone's going to need to go around every night and stack the dishwasher. Sine or Sade? Both.

Both. I can't seem to help falling in love and marrying a woman who can't stack a dishwasher. That's my curse. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I am utterly outraged at this. So we know the love languages.

There's words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, physical touch. Which one am I again? I think you're a... I think you're a gift receiver. No, I'm a acts of service. Are you a pinky?

Your love language is a discreet pinky. Grow up. That is really tickled you, hasn't it? Is there six love languages? And number six you know how they keep trying to add a 13 star sign?

Yes. Because technically there should be. Imagine if they added six love languages and it was a discreet pinky. A discreet pinky to do with what you please. Vaughan. You are acts of service. Yeah, I'm not a gifts person. But you are like, I'll do that for you.

You're a doer. Yeah. I don't say no to a gift. Yeah. Also, the mail room's been a little bit quiet. No, maybe I'm quality time. That's the one I am. Quality time. No, but you're acts of service. You're always doing things like, I'll do that. I'll pick that up. I'll do this for you. Yeah, good boy.

No, he's not. He's very reluctant to do that. I'm very kind. No, I'm very kind. He likes it when people do that for him. So that is your love language. Yeah, acts of service for me. Okay. Carry on. Anyway, so there's the love languages. That we're all aware of. That we're all aware of.

And then there's the love languages here of the workplace. And they're exactly the same. That's the discreet pinky. No. Definitely not in the workplace. None of that at work. No, no, no. Speaking of, remind me, I've got an HR at 9.10.

I bet you do. Yeah. So there's all the same, except for my love language, physical touch. So how do they all relate to work? Hang on. They've removed the most important love language from the workplace. Yeah, because you can't be touching people at work. Apparently. Apparently not. Yeah, because you can't be touching people at work. Apparently.

Apparently not. Yeah. Apparently not. I mean, a hug. You're always hugging people. A pinky is not. I hate touching people at work. You do.

I love touching people at work. Problematic. I mean, I like to be, physical touch is my love language and it's not on this list. So you've got words of affirmation in the workplace.

Same thing, you do a project or a good piece of word of work, sorry, you want words of affirmation. Because you don't,

you can't handle compliments, can you? Fletch and I had the same boss in our early years of radio and they didn't,

it just didn't happen and if it did, it was dripping with sarcasm. So now we've got sort of a childhood trauma attached to words of affirmation in the workplace. Oh, I love words of affirmation

in the workplace. No, I won't believe them. No, neither. Even if they're sincere. I think if I accept it, I'm going to have to work a weekend for free. What?

Like that. Great work, mate. Great work. No, you've got to have it. By the way, you're working this weekend for free. They're saying vague statements like you're doing a great job won't cut it. Saying the work you put into that project

the other day, specifically around this thing, was excellent. Then there's gifts and perks like free breakfast in the office. There was bacon buddies last week. Do you remember that? Yes. Out in the kitchen, bacon buddies. Yeah, but they weren't for us. A bottle of bubbly on your, yeah, but we hooned in. A bottle of bubbly on your desk after a project well done.

A round of drinks brought at the bar. So if you were a manager, you should try and work out your office's, your staff's love language and then tailor things to them. Quality time translates to face-to-face interaction, which is important nowadays because we've all been at home. We're not going to go as a work and do that puzzle room again, are we? I love escape rooms. That's my work language.

Oh, no. I don't want to do that with you. Don't give me the duds. There's some real duds that work here when it comes to solving clues. You're talking about me. I just sat on the couch. It's Carwin. Everyone else.

No, Carwin's great at escape rooms. I'd take Carwin and Jared. Jared for his gaming knowledge and Carwin for the fact she's listened to a lot of crime-solving podcasts. Hayley and I will just go straight to the bar. We'll go have a cocktail. Yeah. And we'll wait for you.

We'll be like, yay, well done, guys. That's our love language. Our love language. Escape rooms famously make great cocktails. Yeah. And then, of course, there's acts of service. Actions speak louder than words. That's how it kind of relates to the office.

So instead of just saying things, actually do them. And then instead of physical touch, which I'm insulted. And this is your love language. Yeah, at home and in the workplace. You know, I'm always asking, producer Anna bargains with me. She says, I'll give you a cuddle. If she wants me to do something, I'm like, all right, I'll give it to you. The fifth one is money.

Instead of that re- what's the word? Compensation. Compensation. Recompensate? Remuneration. Remuneration.

People love it in the workplace when they get paid Yeah Breaking news Workers Love to be paid Yeah Wouldn't you love that

More than a hundred No I'll take cuddles What if we had a pizza party? Yeah that's Gifts Right And perks

Okay But I'd still rather have The cash equivalent Oh my god You're always asking You are such a cash equivalent asker I'm a cash equivalent guy. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Community Notices. Hello, I'm Malcolm. Give me an internet notice. This is a segment of the show where we see what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages. If you see anything pop up on your local Facebook page, screenshot it and send it in. Yeah, yeah. F-E-H-Z-M. Let's go to Graylin Ponsonby, Grapevine. pop up on your local Facebook page screenshot it and send it in yeah yeah if you're HZM

let's go to Graylin Ponsonby grapevine ooh la la la Helen Dewsnap celebrant

I'm assuming this is Helen yeah surname Dewsnap lovely surname so fun and she's a celebrant so get in touch

with Helen if you're in the area and you're getting married. Okay. She says, found on McKelvie Street, a handcuffed sausage roll. A what? If this is yours, it must have been really a good night. It is literally a sausage roll with a handcuff on it.

It's handcuffed. Like a police handcuff or like a novelty handcuff? No, it looks like a more legit, not fluffy. It looks like a more legit handcuff. Okay. It's a small photo, but it looks like a posh saucy. It looks like a fil legit, not fluffy. It looks like a more legit handcuff. Okay. It's a small photo, but it looks like a posh saucy. Looks like a phyllo pastry saucy. Well, who's handcuffed a sausage roll and just left it?

I don't know. So many questions. Yeah, I don't know. I don't have any further answers. Perhaps Helen. Do you snap? Celebrate. Celebrate.

Could answer us those questions. Goodness. Next up is from the Ashburton Notice Board. Margaret writes, my sister's cat is still missing from Winslow. This is the cat. It's actually quite a cute little cat. Oh, yeah.

Cute cat. Cute cat. Long-haired tabby cat looking thing. My sister was told by a psychic that he is under a shed or similar and lost and frightened. Now, if you paid money and the psychic gave you that broader... Yeah.

Of course he's lost and frightened. It's not a crime. Yeah, a cat. They fright easily. Yeah, and they're always under sheds or similar. Oh, my God. Shed or similar. Could be any building.

Was found under a school. Very vague. A shed for children's learning. Very vague. But I think children's learning. Very vague. But I think we could probably help find this cat even better. Frightened by other cats, please look out. He may be very dirty

by now. P.S. I hope it's okay to post this again. Thanks so much. So if you have come across a cat, Nash Burton, it's a long-haired tabby cat, white underneath, sort of the grey, black, brown face situation. Short ears.

I'm going to say its ears are a little small and its eyes are a little close. Well, don't body shame it. I'm not body shaming it. Has it been overbred? I don't know if it's been overbred. It's just an interesting mixture of the two. From the Rolleston community page, Lee says, now I've seen this a few times on people's letterboxes.

This is down Bruce McLaren Drive. Anybody know what it means? And beside the letterbox, an upside down pineapple. Now, isn't that the sign of swingers?

Swingers, swingers, swingers, swingers, swingers. Oh, I don't, yeah, I've heard that. It's just a joke. People are going around in stickers. Surely you wouldn't be

putting an upside down pineapple next to your letterbox. Why not? How are you going to let the public know? And if they've seen it multiple times, how many times are these swingers parties meeting a not? How are you going to let the public know? And if they've seen it multiple times, how many times

are these swingers parties meeting a week? We are open to swinging. Could definitely be one of the situations there. And finally today, from the Marlborough Cool Cat Chat,

an anonymous post from a group member. Big ups to the guy that whizzed past the Spates Ale House this morning on his skateboard carrying a huge ladder

singing Pearl Jam. Should be more people like you in the world. You brought a smile to my face on a dark, miserable winter morning. That's fun. That's nice. What a way to start the day. Yeah. A bit of a skateboard to work, carrying a ladder, singing Pearl Jam. Sounds dangerous to me. Sounds very very dangerous. Ah, those are today's

community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page, you can screen cap it and send it to us F-E-H-Z-M. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. I was joined in studio by Bad News Brad, Brad Olsen, Principal Economist.

Good morning. Good morning. Now, Brad, how far away are we from crime actually paying? Because I'm considering a life of crime. What kind of crime are you going to get into? Drugs. Oh, okay. You're not just going to try and go and find really expensive food?

Because that seems to be the way you would actually make money now, is you go to the supermarket. Right. And steal cabbages. Well, I mean, what do people want at the moment? It's not actually high-value goods. They just want to eat. Yeah, that's true.

And then what? Sell them food at a hiked up price? Then I'm in just a supermarket, Brad. Vaughan veggie feed. I need to move my stuff really'm in just a supermarket, Brad. Vaughan Veggie Feed. I need to move my stuff really quickly. Maybe you should start a supermarket. Vaughan Down. Vaughan Down? Vaughan and Save.

Big Vaughan. Vaughan and Save. Vaughan World. Vaughan World. Vaughan World. Vaughan World. That doesn't scream supermarket to me. I'm just trying to imagine what the meal kit coming out of Vaughan World would be.

Pretty meat heavy, Brad. I'm not going to lie. Very meat heavy. Yeah, and a lot of potatoes. So yesterday the OCR reached a seven-year high at 3%. 3%? So that means mortgage rates are going up. Are going up, absolutely.

Boo! So they're not going to be going down by the 7th of January. I don't know if when you refix it's going to be fantastic news. I said today I'm not going to lose my nickname and I think that's absolutely true. I mean, they're still going up the Reserve Bank. In fact, yesterday probably put us on notice that they're keen to go more than we might have originally thought.

So look, if you ask me to forecast and crystal ball gaze, it's probably another whole percentage point to be added on by the end of the year. How do we fire them? Well, the thing is we need it. This is a really unfortunate thing. It's like when you're sick at school and they give you the medicine and you know that it's going to make you better, but it tastes awful.

And that is what, I mean, that's what we're seeing on a mega level, if you will, because we're spending too much. We haven't got enough people. We haven't got enough staff, but we're spending a lot of money still. So we've got to bring the temperature of the economy back a bit. Now to do that, you've got to basically suck out some cash. So you make people pay more for their mortgage. They've got less money to spend on going out for lunch

or going on a bit of a holiday or something. Nothing will stop me going out for lunch. I won't hear a bad word about it. You'll remortgage your house to afford more lunches. So that's why. We're spending too much. So the idea is hike that, we'll have less money to spend. Landlords will hike the rent, which is already insanely high.

It is, although there's a big question at the moment, given that population growth is so low, given that half my friend group have moved to Australia or the UK in recent times, actually maybe there's not as much competition. And that means that I get to choose what sort of rental is available. If I look at two houses and go, no, actually I want the second one because it's cheaper then actually rents will start to come back now that's not to say they're going to become cheap anytime soon but like in

Auckland Central here you've seen some apartments that are at a decent price other parts of the country you hope they start moving there over the next year or so I mean they're not there yet but there is a feeling that if we get if we can sort of just bring the temperature of the economy back a bit go from a rolling boil if will, down to a bit of a simmer, then we can keep the sort of the cook going. So if we all just promised to stop buying clothes, would that help? I'm going to stop you again there. What am I supposed to wear when I go out for these lunches?

What are you not going to spend? I'm interested here if shopping is still going to remain. I'm not going to spend, I'm not going to put money into savings. So is that the, or any kind of retirement plan? If people save,

I thought after COVID we were all supposed to be spending money. Like mad men. And then we did too much. Oh no, it told us there was a limit. No, it said to stop.

I'm just born to be a little blazer. Go nuts, man. And I was like, deal. That's the thing. I mean, come on. You imagine the Prime Minister getting up at one of the COVID conferences with Bloomfield and going like, guys, we're now spending too much. I mean, from a political angle that doesn't sound good. So that's why you let the Reserve

Bank sort of, they get to be the meanie in the corner that everyone doesn't like, but everyone begrudgingly is like, alright, that's probably what we have to do. And so you raise the mortgage rates and then you suck a bit more air out of the economy. Who's benefiting from raising the mortgage rates? Because we were just talking this morning about the banks making however many million a quarter. Billion. Billion. So aren't we just helping them and not actually anyone else? Well, that sort of seems to be the case. That's the short term hit. I mean, and I think it's important, right, when you look at, so the official cash rate is the bank's retail rate.

That's what the bank, you know, the BNZ, ANZ and all that, that's their bank account they have with the Reserve Bank. So if we think of, you know, your guys' mortgages, for example, you pay that to your bank, that's the official cash rate is what your bank pays to the Reserve Bank to have an account overnight. So what's interesting, right, is that when your mortgage rates have gone up over the last year, they've gone up a lot more than what the official cash rate has done. So the retail banks have moved ahead of time and been raising by more. That's where some of your additional profits been coming

from. These bastards! But how do they get away with it? So a text in, I need to refix my mortgage interest rate. Should I go for six months in the hopes that it'll drop? Or should they fix for longer? All I can say is that we haven't, the last time inflation was this high, not only was I not even born, my parents had only just started dating. So it's been a while in terms of this inflation.

It's not going to go away quickly. And in my mind, the Reserve Bank still is going to want to increase interest rates and keep them at their current level until at least mid next year. So, and I only say that, I mean, everyone's going to be looking horses for courses. There's an expectation, a possibility that if the economy softens, you get through to the end of 2023, so in plus 12 months time, and maybe they have to start dropping interest rates a touch. But realistically, I don't think they're going to go down anytime soon because the economy's so hot,

inflation is so high. If you don't get that under control, we're in a bad place. Right. And what about people that want to save? Because you say, don't spend, but then you put it in the bank and you're earning literally nothing on it. Yeah. Well, and that's the thing. Those term deposit rates are still pretty useless compared to inflation. You're making, what, a few percentage points there. Inflation's at 7%. That means that what you can actually buy with that cash is 4% down. So I think that... Gamble.

Is that where you gamble? I don't know if gamble is the most... Put it on the ponies. You start gambling, I'll do crime. I don't know what you're going to do. Shopping. I'll work this body. Tax evasion.

Yeah. It was given to me. Well, I'm just going to ignore it. Guys, this is... It's just sitting here on you. This is the most concerning financial advice I think I've ever heard. Yeah, okay.

I won't be doing any of those things. I'll be looking at my Sharesies account and figuring out, you know, maybe where I want to make a little bit more of a deal. You should let me know what you're going to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I've got $25 burning a hole in my Sharesies pocket. We'll talk about that later. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Because we had Sim Coraur from Girls That Invest chatting to us about how to get into investments. And she said one of the safest ways is just get behind the, what was it, the top 20? Top 50. The managed funds. Top 50 managed funds, you know, big companies. Well, and that's the thing, because it's the sort of,

look, unless you and I are going to spend each and every minute of each and every day researching every company under the sun before we invest, you sometimes go, if they're a big enough company, and that's what you want, you want diversified. You don't want to be locked into any one area because if suddenly that business all of a sudden tanks, then your money that was doing well.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, or GameStop. You remember that a few years back? It was massively soared and then it killed it. It just went straight down. So having lots of different options, sort of having as many fingers in as many pies as you can

gives you an option that when one goes down, hopefully another one has gone up enough to offset. We've had a really nice message in just to give you some feedback, Bad News Brad. Bad News Brad on your show is the only time I ever really understand anything about the economy. So as depressing as it is, I'm pleased he's on your show because it helps me actually understand what's happening. Brilliant! 31 years old. Lovely, lovely.

Are banks, somebody else said bad news, Brad, are banks willing to lend at the moment or have they made that a bit harder? They have made it harder. Absolutely. I mean, there was a few times a few months back where they were going through your, you know, your finances so closely that if you had Uber Eats once a week, you were gone. There was no way you were going to get any sort of lending. So they got real strict on new lending. And I think part of that's because, to be honest, you look at their profit levels, and a lot of them at the moment are going, interest rates are going up. Everyone's making me do a lot more compliance. I don't know if I want to write as many mortgages. So they're happy enough to not.

Do them to banks, hey. Billions of dollars a quarter. We want to. Can we eat them? Let's eat the rich and start with the bank. Just a little bit of profit coming back, I think, would be nice. Maybe, again, that mortgage rate being a bit lower. I'd love to get just a few more dollars in the old savings account. But the challenge I think you've got with the banks at the moment

is that they've got to be careful because we know that interest rates are going up. Now, everyone could afford a 2.2% mortgage rate. That was good times, you know, that was free cash basically. But you sort of go at the time, and this I think was smart, the bank said, we're going to make sure that if someone comes in the door for a new mortgage and they say they want it at 2.2%, we're going to test them to make sure they could still make that same repayment at 6, 6.5% because we think that interest rates are going to go up. Now, they went up a lot faster than everyone expected, but everyone that's got a mortgage now should still be, generally speaking, okay.

They're going to have to go on to the baked beans diet because of how quickly they've risen. Oh, yum, though. You reckon? Yeah, I love baked beans. I'm farting 24-7. It doesn't make a difference. Okay, what's the cheap food you don't like then?

Frozen, like a mixed veg. Oh, okay. So the frozen mixed veg diet then. But people can still afford it. So the people who've got their mortgage, you sort of feel like they're going to be okay. They're not happy, but they can still afford it. It's the new guys.

Like if I wanted to buy a house, I'm needing, I don't know, still $800,000 worth know a mortgage in wellington for example i go to the bank it's something like you know four and a half five percent that's a lot of cash they're asking me to repay every week so again unless you've got a lot of financial backing unless you've got you know a second income and all that it's pretty difficult there well brad brad brad are people still going to have money for these drugs I've made? Are people going to pay me for this body?

I don't know. What's happening? Guys, I feel like what I'm interested in is look, for a new business, whatever new business it might be, you've always got to do your market research. So come back after you've done a bit of market research and we can have another chat. People love drugs. I will give you some good news though and it's a very small sliver of good news

but house prices are going down. Well no that's not good news because I was hoping to leverage that to get more money. You can still leverage. It's still a lot higher

than where it was pre-pandemic but for those of us like myself that are going man I'd love a house maybe someday it's getting a little bit better.

Mortgage rates aren't great but at least they're coming back a bit. But that's the six and one half a dozen on the other right. The price is coming down but the interest rate's going up. So your repayments are still going to be...

It's probably eight and four because the interest rates have gone up by more than the house prices dropped. Well, I look forward to the day. Bad news, Brad, when we can call you good news, Brad. Me too. We'll have to change your name to Good News Graham or something. I've got the feeling there's never going to be a situation where everybody wins. Oh, that's economics.

Someone's always losing. That's history. You'll forever be bad news, Brad. Brad Olsen, thank you so much for coming in this morning. Well, Hastings. Hastings Boys High School, it offers, and I didn't know that apparently in Hastings or Hawke's Bay,

a few schools do this, they offer free lunches for the 800 pupils there. They have, though... No such thing as a free lunch, though. Nah. Someone's paying for it. Someone's... Well, is it a government...

Is it part of the government thing? Maybe. Get Brad back in here. Will they get... Do you know who should pay for it? The banks. The? Maybe. Get Brad back in here. Well, they get... Do you know who should pay for it? Austerity. The banks.

The banks should be paying for our money lunch. The banks should be paying for it. They get the likes of spaghetti and meatballs. Yum. Sandwiches and pieces of fruit. Yum. But some of the school, that's not good enough. And they have been caught ordering Uber Eats sneakily.

Why sneakily? Well, apparently, well, the schools now banned it. Why? Because there wouldn't be a rule in place that says no Uber Eats until recent years. But there would be rules like you can't leave to go to fast food places. Yes, we weren't allowed to

leave until 7th form. Yeah. Yeah, 7th form you couldn't nip down the road. You can't wear your cardigan on the street. You had to wear your blazer or just the shirt. Right. But yeah, so I down the road. But you can't wear your cardigan on the street. You had to wear your blazer or just the shirt. Right. But yeah, so I guess they want to stop you eating fast food? No. Is that serving mac and cheese and sandwiches?

Yeah. I reckon it would be so that all these sort of random people aren't coming into the school. Oh, you don't think they're meeting them at the gate? You'd be not allowed to leave. So in Hastings, they could get Macca's, Carl's Jr., KFC, Pizza Hut, Subway, Burger King, to name a few. And the school has now banned it. Right. Why?

I heard that they... Any will be confiscated. Oh, teachers' lounge. Teachers. Oh, my God. They'll be having... Like when the teachers would take a pack of durries off someone having a smoke at the back of the field. Yeah.

I better take these. We all know they went into a smoke at the back of the field. Yeah. I better take these. We all knew they went into that big bowl in the staff room. Yeah. You could see the smoke. It would have been a stressful fourth period because of that little shit whose name started with J, because they're all little shits whose names start with J. You could whip out the back and have a durry.

Have a durry, yeah. Imagine them in the, what's it called, teacher's lounge or whatever. Staff room. Staff room having like a Penang curry and a burger and some chips over there and some tacos over here. Well, this is what we wanted to ask this morning. What was banned at your school? Mine was Roman sandals.

What? Yeah, Roman sandals were key to a summer uniform. Yeah, that is part of the school uniform. And now, I think after my first year at Queen Margaret College, they banned them because they're so terrible for your feet, orthopedically. They are terrible for your feet. So they made you wear these kind of like flat.

Excuse me, Jesus, Moses, Noah. Famously had. They built Rome in Roman sandals. Yeah, but they had terrible flat arches. Moses walked up the hill. Did he walk up the hill? Who went up the hill for the commandments? I mean, you're making up the story, mate.

One of them walked around the desert for 40 years. One of them parted the ocean and walked on the seafloor. Don't tell me Romans are bad. Imagine if they had crocs. They would have done it. Imagine how nice a Rome would be just putting that out there. So 0800 DARS at him. We want to take your calls now.

Have a think. Back in the day, what was banned at your school? Maybe it was a new fad? Like when yo-yos were a thing? Chatterings. Chatterings got a swift banning at Morrisville College. Basketball trading cards. Because it led to too many fights and too much speaking.

Tamagotchis got banned because they kept beeping. What about your kids? In the time your kids have been at school, has anything been banned? Pokemon cards were only allowed on Friday. That was Pokemon Trading Day. But other than that, you weren't allowed to bring them. Again, because of theft. We had pogs.

You know, the flat discs and stuff. And they banned them because of the trading and stuff. People getting into wars. Yeah. And fights. Someone stole my cap. Talking about what was banned at your school, Hastings Boys High no longer able to order Uber Eats

if the day's free lunch doesn't measure up to their squizzer palette. Sometimes you just hanker, though, you know, for a Thai green. Yeah. You do have a hankering for it. Somebody said high school pyjama pants under your school uniform were banned. What? Wow. You'd have to go a couple of sizes bigger to fit pyjama pants

under your school uniform, wouldn't you? So we had a group of boys in our year called the Gronk Squad. They were a bunch of buff heads, and eventually the word Gronk got banned. What? They banned a word? Yeah, to try to stop giving them attention, but it obviously gave them more attention because it all of a sudden became, you know, contraband. A word became contraband, so it became whispered.

All right, we'll get to more of your calls and texts next. Hastings boys, hi. Yeah, banning Uber Eats at lunchtime. Can't get Uber Eats there anymore. Do you reckon you could bribe the teachers and be like, I'm chucking a couple of satay sticks for you? You know? Or a cheeseburger.

What if I chuck you in a bit of a spring roll situation? Does that change your mind? Maybe. Perhaps. So we want to know what was banned at your school. Sina, what was banned? At my high school, they banned PDA input and the notices that no one was to be hugging intimately

or kissing around the school. I mean, I felt like that went without saying. Well, it did at my all boys school And my all girls school My all girls Christian school Yeah yeah Okay so what they had to put notices up And did people abide by that?

I remember seeing a couple in the teacher Like standing straight up next to them Against the wall so that they would stop Oh wow Yeah like got in their faces It's the situation with most things The minute you're banned it becomes way more exciting they would stop. Oh, wow. Yeah, like, got in their faces. It's the situation with most things. The minute you're banned

it becomes way more exciting. Yeah, it does, doesn't it? Sina, thanks for your call. Also in the draw for the $5,000 Flight Centre gift card to go towards

a sun-kissed Fiji holiday because it is our Fiji happy hour until 8 o'clock. Michael, the same in the draw. What was banned at your school?

End of year, year 13 prank. Oh, every school had these, eh? A little ritual. Was your year the last year of the prank? And was it because of you? First of the year, yeah. What did you do? So it wasn't me, of course.

Okay. For legal reasons. But someone put some dog poop in a light fixture and left it on overnight someone put an entire fish

in the couch in the form room and someone put superglue in most of the locks we did a fish in the wall a fish in the wall

yeah like a tinned fish in the wall because there was a hole in it and we did it behind the lockers oh no

that's horrible I'm sorry. You can see why that got banned. Michael, thank you. Some messages in to finish. Lots of calls of Bull Rush. Yeah. Bull Rush got banned.

Apparently at Mount College they just renamed it Mickey Mouse and teachers were like, what are they playing? Oh, Mickey Mouse. Oh, okay, that's all right. Well, that's not banned. You can't ban Mickey Mouse.

Probiotic yogurt drinks got banned at my school. You're cult. Yeah. Well, because people are shitting themselves. No, they're having too all right. Well, that's not banned. You can't ban Mickey Mouse. Probiotic yogurt drinks got banned at my school. Your cult. Yeah. Well, because people are shitting themselves. No, they're having too much sugar. I thought for pooping in their pants. So I messaged and asked and they said no.

You've got to get the sugar reduced, your cult. Ma'am, can I please go to the bathroom? Yeah. Smiggle was banned at our school because it got too competitive. Children came home in tears if they didn't have Smiggle stationery. It was a real hierarchical situation. Healy shoes got banned because there was all the marks of the wheels down the corridors of school.

Kids would scoot down there. Not the broken necks? No, not the injuries. Henna, henna art, like the temporary henna was banned at our school because everybody was coming to school. What if it was for cultural reasons? They said that's how it started out, but then all the white was coming to school. What if it was for cultural reasons? They said that started, that's how it started out but then all the white girls

wanted to go. Oh, I know a lot of white girls that rocked a bindi for a while. Tell you what. Early 2000s, man. Gwen Stefani. And later than that.

Oh dear. Oh dear. Yeah, lots of bands. Lots of bands. I'm building at the moment. God, I've got some projects on the go. Garage. Deck.

Okay, when you say you're building at the moment. The garage I'm not building. Yeah, or the deck. I'm supervising. The deck I am building. I won't have a bad word said. I'm building with someone who knows how to build decks. I've got a guy, but I'm assisting.

Vaughn's the one standing there with the nails in his hand. Like when I was seven and Dad was building our house. We started putting the screws in out of the deck at the weekend. No, I was putting the screws in. He was drilling the pre-drill and then I was putting the screws in, but I didn't have a pouch. I couldn't find my builder's belt. It's at the back because I've packed up everything in the garage. It's at the bottom of some pile or something.

So I went and got an apron. Oh, my God. A little, like, egg-picking apron. It was an egg-picking apron. Someone sent me an egg-picking apron. Oh, that one, that florally one. Yeah, so I had the screws in that and I was like, another screw, and that florally one. Yeah, so I had the screws in that, and I was like, another screw.

Wow. And that was real cute. You're really breaking stereotypes on the building site, so I like that. Yeah, you're damn right I am. Actually, yeah, thank you. You're welcome. I saw some pride work boots in a store. Rainbow striped.

You should get those. That'd be pretty cool. Yeah. You're an ally. I get muddy too quick, though. Yeah, true. You can't see the rain'd be pretty cool. Yeah. Those would be cool. You're an ally. They get muddy too quick, though. Yeah, true. You don't see the rainbows. Yeah, you can't see the rainbows.

So, and that, and I'm building a little cow shed. Not like a cow shed where you milk the cows. Like a shed for cows. So when it rains. A shelter. Yeah. Because your cow's about to have a little baby cow, hopefully. Perhaps.

Yeah. I feel like you've been saying that for ages. Where is it? Well, late September is Hermione's due date if Hermione's pregnant. Is she bulging? She's always been quite round, though. Oh, yeah, and you don't want to say something in case they're not. No.

Yeah, oh, my God, no. Never assume. Have you ever said to a... Never assume. No, but I've witnessed it. Have you ever said to a Hereford cow, when are you due? I have, and I went up and I touched its belly and I said, oh, excited. And they sideways kicked you straight in the gut.

Yeah. They don't muck around those cows. Yeah. So I'm doing this one all by myself. And you know what? I'm pretty pleased with how it's coming out. Yeah. It's a pretty neat little shed.

And yesterday I started to put the roof on. Yeah. So I was up on the ladder putting the roof on. Now, you may think, Vaughn, I also live in Auckland. For our Auckland listeners, yesterday afternoon was windy, rainy, and not ideal. No, it wasn't. Conditions to be putting a roof on anything ought to be atop a ladder,

to which I would say to you, yeah, but you're probably right. Because at one stage, the ladder went from under me. Like, it just went. I don't even know how it happened. Also, I'm assuming this was on muddy ground. Of course. And you're holding a big sheet of corrugated iron. Yes, and a drill and some drill bits. And you've got your cute little pouch on.

I've got my cute little pouch on. No, I had the screws in my mouth. I did that thing where I grabbed like eight screws and I had them lined up in my mouth. Roof iron screws. I had them in my mouth. I did that thing where I grabbed like eight screws and I had them lined up in my mouth. Roof iron screws. I had them in my mouth like that. Slowly putting them in and then the ladder

which also has a bit of a bent leg. It went from under me and I was like, and down I go. And in my mind, I pictured that thing where the ladder went from under me and I fell on my back on the ladder and had a million dollar baby moment, you know? And I'm Hilary Swank on a feeding tube yeah spoiler alert

for a movie that you should have seen now if you're gonna see it but I was like not today Satan that's what I said to myself okay and I got a leg out and like I don't know how it happened but I landed like Iron Man lands in the first Iron Man

like with a pose. Oh, wow. Superhero landing pose. And I was like, and immediately I was like, earth shock. And my ankles and my knees really felt it because they're not nearly as elastic as they used to be. No. But I landed and I was like, might be time to go inside, I think. So I packed up and I went inside and Shada's like, how did you get so muddy?

I said, I might have fallen off a ladder And then she told me off Yeah She gave me a big growling Apparently I'll never learn Until I'm In a wheelchair In a wheelchair

Yeah God you're lucky So lucky Did you spit the nails out Because that's what I would be scared of That it would land in my face No And the nails would go through my mouth

They swallowed three of them Oh that's going to hurt For me coming out It's already sideways I can feel it in my stomach No I landed I still had would go through my mouth. No, he swallowed three of them. Oh, that's going to hurt for me coming out. It's already sideways. I can feel it in my stomach. No, I landed. I still had them all in my mouth. I had the drill in my hand.

I didn't drop anything. And I, so it was one of those things where you're like, damn, I wish someone had seen that. Norma next, Norma might have seen it. Yeah, right. You needed it on camera. What are you going to say? Hey, did you see my cool pose?

Describe how cool that looked to me. She's like, I thought you were going to die. Clay. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Would you consider yourself a casual liar? Well, isn't everybody? I take my lying very seriously. Some people are pathological

liars. Yeah, I'd say verging on professional. Hoping to break it and make it my full-time gig. Yeah, right. Like when you're like, Vaughn, are you nearly at work? He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you look on Find My Friends and he's still at his house. Yeah, just at the roller door now.

Yeah. That kind of lie where he's halfway to work. Basically, well, apparently, according to this study, the average person tells four lies a day. Be they big or small. Okay tells four lies a day. Be they big or small, four lies a day. I'm just trying to think about yesterday as an example.

Okay. Do you tell any lies? I don't think I told lies. Oh, yes. Okay. Yes. I did do it. What did you say? I did do it in the car now and I was just finishing a glass of wine with some friends. Right.

Yeah. So I had a glass of wine, and then Aaron was like, how are you going? I was like, in the car now. See you soon. Right. And I was like, oh, better go. Was that after having been paying attention last week? Yeah.

Yeah, me too. Yeah. What's happening? I am just finishing up. Just week? Yeah. Yeah, me too. What's happening? I am just finishing up. Just wrapping. Yeah. We'll be having like, we'll be like,

should we have a little glass of wine after the show? How are you guys getting along? I'll be like, oh man, quite a few pickups to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, it took a while this week.

Yeah, it's on me. I don't know if I've got, I can't remember the last time I told a big lie. Yeah, I don't know. Does lying to the doctor count? Oh, yes. What did you lie to the doctor about?

How many standard drinks do you have a week? Are you around the sort of the average nine to ten units a week, Mark? Yeah. Nine to ten a week? A week. You go over that. 100%. Think about the weekend and you might have like four glasses of wine or something.

Yeah, true. And that's even me sort of downplaying the weekend. So everyone's lying all day, every day. And here's some tips on how to spot a liar. Okay. When you touch their face. When they're giving you a little lie eye concealment. So just sort of, oh, I'm actually rocking the sunglasses.

But yeah, you can do an eye concealment. So just sort of, oh, I'm actually rocking the sunglasses. But yeah, you can do an eye conceal. They'll sort of look out to the window so you can't see my eyes. Because suddenly it's like... They could be looking you in the eye and they could catch you lying. They can see your soul. Yeah. And they can see it. And then there's the classic eye direction dart, which is like, it's not

I have. And then a little dart to the side which is like your body's way of going like, you're lying. You're lying, yeah. And a little dart. But then if you try really hard to stare someone in the face when you're lying to them, you just feel like that's also. Psychopath. Yeah.

I'm telling the truth. The micro smirk, just a little. Okay. It's always your inner evil self going. I'm getting away with this. Little does he know, micro smirk. Poke a face. That's what you were just talking about.

Basically, the attempt to do nothing with the face is so obvious because that's not how we talk. When we talk to each other, telling the truth, our eyes are darting around. It's more casual. Whereas when you're lying, you've got a lot on your brain. Eyebrow shrugs, they're calling them, but just... What do you mean? Kind of frowns and raises of the eyebrows. Asymmetric facial expressions. God knows, lopsided.

Sort of... I'm telling a lie. Hand to face. Touching the... That is one, yeah. Touching the face. one yeah Touching the face Wow And metronomic gestures

Like a little Tap tap tap tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap

Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap

Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap

Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap

Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap Tap tap tap Tap tap tap. a negotiator. Yeah. Or like some kind of human scientist and you'd never be able to lie to them like you could your partner now. No. You couldn't because they'd be like that, that, that, that, that, that. You'd tell me the truth. I mean really it just sounds like the best way to lie is to text someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then they can't see you. Do it via text

which I do all the time. Oh my god. I literally forgot that tonight I've got this other thing I can't Yeah Can't do that thing You went to a An acting school

And spent a lot of money Learning to act And that was the best You could do in person Yeah Oh my god Is there like An acting school

Is there a thing on lying Oh acting is lying Acting is lying Acting is pretending But like specifically About lying No not specifically on lying Right I didn't go to lying school I don't have a degree in lying I have a degree in acting Acting is lying. Acting is pretending. But like specifically about lying. No, not specifically on lying.

Right. I didn't go to lying school. I don't have a degree in lying. I have a degree in acting. I would go to lying school. You could just say to yourself, okay, I'm going to say a lie now to my partner. But instead of saying it like that to yourself, say, I'm going to now act a scene. I'm going to perform this monologue. Where I found out I've got something else on.

Oh, God. See how you turned in the tent. Oh, my God. Who's dead? Oh something else on. Oh, God. See how you turned and looked at it. Oh, my God. Who's dead? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I've just remembered. Oh, my God.

What? I can't come to the thing. No, and now you've overplayed it. You've absolutely overplayed that. Yeah. Pull it back a bit. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day

Today's fact of the day is in 2013 That was terrible Fletch's face in your last note was terrible Change things up a little bit you know That was tang. The bleachers face in your last note was terrible. That was terrible. Change things up a little bit, you know? Try something different. That was pingy, man. No.

Today's fact of the day is in 2013, a lady named Maria cycled to the South Pole on a tricycle. Like a kid's tricycle? No. How? Because when I read the headline that she'd done it on a tricycle, that's what I thought too, but it's a little bit different. It's quite the machine. The two wheels are at the front.

Better for climbing. Oh, okay. Oh, why have I turned my brightness down? Turn your brightness up. Okay, so it's like a special kind of it's... Yeah, specially constructed. Snow tires. Yes.

It's like those lazy... You know the bike machines at the gym where you sit and you kind of lean back? Yeah. And just your legs and you can read a magazine if you like. So weird, those bikes, aren't they? Yeah. But it took her 10 days, 14 hours, 56 minutes, and she still holds the record for the person, the first person to cycle to the South Pole from the coast and the quickest time on cycle from coast to pole.

So from the coast of Antarctica. Yeah. Granted, she got like as close as she could, which is, you know, fair enough because no one stipulates exactly where from. It's just coast to pole. So the closest poles. Yeah. But the closest spot on the coast to the pole.

Yes. Oh, yeah. That's where she did it from. So she skirted up there, she went well she started at sea level obviously because it was coast but she got to 2,900 metres on a tricycle.

Yeah, so a lot of climbing. Oh, absolutely burning. I reckon she would have had to have taken a massage gun for the quads and the lower back. Lower back on this reclined tricycle. Lommel legs afterwards. Yeah.

So she did it when she was in her 30s because she did it in 2013. And she's now 44. Okay. So she's 35 by my calculations. And no one else since has done this. No one's done it since. I mean, you have to be a little bit crazy, right? A lot of it crazy.

Like biking on a tricycle up snowy mountains. Yeah, up the snowy mountains. She did it and she's the quickest and no one's beaten her in a while. No word what's happened to the bike. That feels like that should be in a museum somewhere, doesn't it? I can't find what's happened to the bike. Surely it is. Well, you'd probably just leave it there and walk back, wouldn't you?

Have we checked the Antarctic Centre? No, you'd want to bike back because it's downhill. Yeah, but then you'd get back to the... No one bikes up a hill without, you know, coasting down. Right. Then you'd probably just push it off the ice shelf into the ocean. Yeah. Yeah.

Gifted it to some penguins. Yeah, some seals. Yeah. You get down to Antarctica and you see them and they're like, whee! But she changed her life. So she had a job. She was like office bound.

Okay. And one day she was just like, no, F this. She quit her job, returned the company car, broke up with her boyfriend, long-term serious boyfriend. Okay. And moved back into her parents' house. That's kind of like parents must have been like, oh. Quit your job, broken up, and moved back.

Okay. And then she came to New Zealand and cycled the length of New Zealand in 23 days. Now, I've never cycled New Zealand, but that seems like quite the undertaking. It is, yeah. That's quite a bit of it. And then off she went to cycle the South Pole. Did she leave from here? New Zealand was her last port of call, yeah.

Oh, wow, okay. Yeah, yeah, so it was a weird one. And she out-cycled two male competitors on her cycle to the South Pole. Suck it. Take that, men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stupid men, I like to imagine. She had a few of those little,

those yummy, always a highlight of going camping, those little meals that you pour the hot water into. The dehydrated meals. Yeah, and then you eat a whole family one. Yeah. And a mashed potato side. Yum. And then pudding, because crikey, you've walked so much today.

Or you've been, or in her case, cycled so much. Cycled so much today. So today's fact of the day, and the record still stands, is that in 2013, a lady named Maria was the first person to cycle to the South Pole. Fact of the day, day, day, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I am a witch for you. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM. It is time now for the impossible finding topic,

a topic we think is, it's hard. My daughter's learning about probability at school at the moment, and she said that you should not call it this anymore because you get calls every time. You should call it the improbable phone-in topic. Oh, my God. Did you say shut up, nerd? Did you say stay in your lane? I was like, I mean, you've got a great point.

Yeah, you do. These two play fast and loose with the English language. Well, this one, I think we might get some calls, but please know there will be no judgment from us as to your decisions around this. So here's a story for you. A woman shared on TikTok that she had been cheated on by her partner, and he had said, ultimately,

like, what is the one thing I can do to fix this? How do I fix this? Yeah. She said, okay, like, what is the one thing I can do to fix this? How do I fix this? Yeah. She said, okay, I'll stay with you, but you have to pay for my nose job. So she had a nose she didn't enjoy, and nose jobs are very expensive. How much, did she say how much this nose job cost? The cheating boyfriend? In this article, it says it can cost anywhere between $3,000 and $15,000

American. So really expensive. How much to get rid of a little wee? Asking for a friend, are you? Asking for a friend. Asking for a friend. Wee. The wee is staying, I'm afraid. I actually like your wee. Wee.

I never even noticed that little wee until the makeup lady told you you had a little wee. I've got a wee. Anyway, it's really expensive. So she said, yeah, I'll stay with you and you can pay for my nose job and there you go. She did a follow-up. He cheated on her again. But she got a new nose out of it. Wait, is she still with him?

No, no, no, no, no, no. She got the nose. Right. She got the nose. It's a follow-up. He cheated on her again. But she got a new nose out of it. Wait, is she still with him? No, no, no, no, no, no. She got the nose. Right. She got the nose. It's a good-looking nose. You know? So this is what we want. This is our impossible phoner,

is did you have a cheating trade-off? Someone cheated on you, and you said, I'll forgive you. If. If. I can have new boobs boobs or a new television. Or a new, yeah, little Samsung frame.

Or maybe it was a trade-off of like you got to have a little fun fun. Oh, so now I get a whore pass. A cheater's forgiving trade-off. Or a nose job. This is what I mean. You can truly, also by the way, I've never been cheated on, but I imagine you can't just kind of like put it aside.

Every time you turn on that television they bought you because that's what you wanted because they cheated on you, surely you're going to be like, pang. Imagine if it was your nose. Every time you look in the mirror and you're like, pang. Every time you blow your nose, you'll go, pang. You're reminded of it. I mean, people are willing ping. Every time you blow your nose, you'll go, ping. Yeah. You're reminded of it.

I mean, people are willing to forgive people, so why not get something out of it? Exactly, and I think that's what I mean by no judgment. If you got back together with someone after they cheated on you, absolutely no judgment. Yeah. But if you made the most of a bad situation, how long?

Maybe like, oh, I'll forgive you, but I feel like we maybe need a holiday to the Gold Coast or Rauru. Just, you know, come closer together. Yeah, exactly. To repair the wound. But then how long do you have to stick with them? Well, how long before he cheated on her again? She had the perfect out.

But who cares? She's got the nose. That's the thing. She got the nose, but then just now she's like, I'm going to forgive you new nose. But then actually a week later, you paid for it. I'm out. Yeah, well, you can't give back a nose or a holiday, now she's like, I'm going to forgive you new nose, but then I actually work later. You've paid for it. I'm out. Yeah, well, you can't give back a nose or a holiday, can you? No, you can't.

Yeah, exactly. You can give back a nose. You go like this and you put your finger inside and you go, bloop, got your nose, and you put your thumb through. So it looks like the nose and then you can give it back to her. And you're like, give it back. All right, so 0800DilesAtEme. I don't know.

Has this ever happened in New Zealand? Has it happened to you? Do you know of it happening to someone? It's our impossible phone-in topic. Has someone cheated? And has there been a trade-off afterwards to stay together? Did you get something out of them for the cheating? I hope we get a bit of juice from this.

Wow, we've had such a response to the improbable, impossible, it's definitely happened phone-in topic. The tapu topic, we've had such a response to the improbable, impossible, it's definitely happened phone-in topic. The tapu topic, we should call it. So we wanted to know if anybody's cheated and then got a trade-off from that, like the woman in the US who got a nose job from her cheating boyfriend. And yes, okay, yes.

Making the most of a bad opportunity, of a bad situation, I think. Anonymous, you were cheated on, and then what did you get out of that in return? Anonymous. Anonymous. That's everything. Yeah, that's you.

Hi, guys. Hi. So what did you... Big night, wasn't it? No, I just took a sip of a cup of tea and it's... Oh, God. So what did you get? You found out you were cheated on.

What did you get in return? Well, no, it wasn't me. It was my sister. So it's a little bit of a twist on this story. So what it is is that my sister cheated on her being partner and he forgave her and desperately wanted her back. So he said, okay, I'll pay for your braces, like her teeth braces. Wait, this guy sounds like an absolute schmuck. Yeah, doormat.

He's a gaslight. He got cheated on by your sister. No judgment. We said no judgment. Yeah. But then he wanted to get back, and so he offered to pay for her braces, even though she cheated on him. Exactly.

I know. So it's a little bit of a twist. So, yeah. Gosh, she must be one hell of a... Oh, yeah, yeah, sweet. Good times. Anonymous, thanks for your call. James, what did you get from a cheating boyfriend?

I said that I wanted to cheat as well. I mean, you know, first relationship, 21, like you want to try it out. But I actually ended up liking the other person better. So I ended up breaking up with him and getting with the other guy. That's always the concern, right? That you're like, oh, sure, you can have a night off. But then what if you're like, oh, I've met my soulmate.

Yeah. That was pretty much it. Yeah. Are you still with that person now? No, it lasted about two months. Oh, okay. All right. Bugger. Well, that backf No, it lasted about two months. Oh, okay. All right.

Bunger. All that backfired, didn't it? Yes. No one won there, really. No, no. No, no. It was a draw. One each. One each.

True. James, amazing. Thanks for your call. Sarah, what did you get from a cheetah? I got a baby girl. Oh. I had two boys with him. We were married and obviously were past tense, so yeah.

Wait, so you were like, oh, you cheated on me, but I want another baby, but I want it to be a girl. Well, I had to wait a while to trust him, but yeah. Then I was like, okay, well, if we're going to do this, I want another child. I want a chance for a girl. And you got it. And now you are divorced.

Jackpot. Divorced. So you're telling me a baby didn't fix the relationship? It was for you. Interesting. Yeah, nice. Okay, Sarah, thanks for your call. That would probably be on the most expensive end of things.

Babies can end up costing a lot of money. They do. For a long time. But we're hearing some incredible stories. My partner cheated on me, so I said, we can stay together, but I want to have a threesome with your best friend. Oh. So this is a guy and a girl.

The girl cheats, comes back. He said, we can stay together, but we've got to have. Bring your mate in. Bring your mate in. Bring Becky in. I mean, was Becky keen? That seems like something we've got to run past Becky. Yeah in. Bring your mate in. Bring Becky in. I mean, was Becky keen? That seems like something we've got to run past Becky.

Yeah, I don't know. Well, yeah. When you go to Becky, you're like, Becky, big favour. And Becky's like, we're best friends, anything. Well, I've cheated on my man. And now he says, you've got to be there for... Yeah. My friend's husband cheated on her for four years and went back when he agreed to pay for a boob job,

tummy tuck and liposuctionuction then afterwards just left again. Absolutely. That's why because you can't give it back, can you? My mum got cheated on by my dad so mum went and bought a $50,000 diamond tennis bracelet. They're still together.

Every time my dad cheated on my mum she got a shopping trip. Every time? Every time. You should know that about your parents. Yeah. My friend cheated on his wife and also got a new Audi behind her back. So she said, to make it better, you had to take me and the kids to Thailand for a family holiday.

And I'm going to stay an extra week and get new boobs. Wow. I love those people getting new noses, new boobs. My ex cheated multiple times. I got boobs in Thailand but still left them a month later. I had nice boobs and he's still single

seven years later. Ha ha. I got given an expensive American muscle car when my partner cheated on me. He cheated on me again and I kept the car, not him.

Yeah, good. Far out. Someone said, I grew up in a very affluent neighbourhood. Remiwira. In Auckland. Someone said, I grew up in a very affluent neighbourhood, Remuwera, in Auckland. Oh, okay. There were women in my neighbourhood

that had whole jewellery collections, which were because of their husband's affairs. Each giant ring or, like, giant diamond represented an indiscretion. Wow. So, you know when kids go through cancer and they get the necklace and every bead is, like, something they've been through and you're like,

oh, my God, that kid has been through more in their short life than I have been. Yeah. The hardships they've faced. Yeah. Is beautiful and admirable. Yeah. And some douchebag in Remy World is buying his missus a diamond

every time he cheats on her. Yeah. So, yeah. There's so many in. And like a nose job seriously is like low end of it all. There's low end. Good on all these people just getting out there

and giving themselves a little boost with a new set of boobies. But we talked bad news, Brad, before and too much indiscretionary spending is what's causing the inflation and interest rates to go up.

So next time your partner cheats on you, just break up with them and take them for half their worth. Don't spend. What if you've got terrible tits? What are you going to do? You're not going to make the most of that.

Wasted. Oh, another one in the bag. And it's a Versace bag as well. If you enjoyed that, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell your mates. You don't sound sincere there, boy. I'm just reading what's written here. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.