ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 18th January 2022

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

Best Leftovers  Dug The Potato  Top 6: Fire  Sleepy Chicken  Carweeeens Conundrum  Crumpets  Chore Money  Hayley's Laser  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe, try the refreshing McCafe iced coffee available now at Macca's. You have in your hot little hand something I'm a little bit nervous about actually. So you've set your phone off to get repaired. Yeah, so I was typing up my phone keypad would just stop typing. I had mine does that too. And because we don't have Apple stores in New Zealand, they have to get sent away. And then right at the moment

you're like, oh, I'm going to be like a week without a phone. My new phone arrived. Because you get a work phone. Yeah, the planets have aligned. And so I was like, you can borrow my old phone. So I went home yesterday, set up my new phone, erase all settings and contents on the old phone. But then I had this panic this morning that iCloud doesn't compute, like it doesn't sort of follow suit, and that my iCloud photo library would still be on the phone. Or accessible on the phone.

And the thing is, we still haven't answered it because you can't set it up on the work Wi-Fi. No, the work Wi-Fi won't let me download my backup. So in my head, I'm like, we're going to leave soon and you'll go home and set it up and my iCloud will still be on it and you'll get... What's on there? Far apart. Yeah, what's on there? What apart. Yeah, what's on there?

What's on there? What's on there? A lot of. There's intimate photos, not in that way, but like quite vulnerable photos of like gym progress photos. Oh, okay. You know when you're sort of like standing in front of a mirror like. Yep.

And you're just like, you're all sort of like guts out. Yeah, I don't take those. I feel like that's just. But you've got to take one for the before photo. You've got to take one for the before. Where's this before photo going? I'm not putting that anywhere. It's on the gym wall.

It's for your progress. I am not going on the gym wall. No, not for the gym wall. But like, because weight is just, I think it's a BS way of measuring your progress. Weight. Yeah. So photos is the way that I do it. do little side-by-sides just for myself. But there is a myriad, including some recent ones done, because I'm a before.

I'm currently in the before state. Before phase, yeah. And we're working towards an after because we've got an upcoming photo shoot. Well, I'll be very careful when I get home. But the thing is, you could say to me, look, if if they're there I'll make sure I don't look at them and I'll delete them or something You won't

I'm more of a curiosity I wouldn't want to look I'd have an absolute Because what if there's a picture of your fanny on there I was going to say I don't think there's any fanny pickies

Okay good Not my style I've always wondered how if someone was to take a photo of their own fanny how they would get it angle friendly

Tell me how. Are you going over the lens or at the lens? Well, you tell me how you would. What do you mean? Would you sit on a timer and sort of. I'd hover over it. I'd kind of squat. Is that not how you do it?

I don't think with a fanny, that is the best position. Okay, right. Okay, I'm putting mine on timer. Right. You're just doing an example there. Okay. How does that look? I don't think that's good. How does that look? I think you've got to do a more...

Look at that. A sort of a... Yeah, like an axe. It makes the privates look massive because your head and stuff is kind of like that depth of field. What do they call that? You make something look bigger by it being close to the camera. If you look at that, you'd get a twofer as well

because you'd get top and bottom in that photo. You'd get the west and we delve into the west. You get the east and the west. We delve into the east and the west in today's podcast. I'm revealing too much of myself too early. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. podcast. I'm revealing too much of myself too early.

Thanks Ash. Good morning. Welcome to the show Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Hayley's got new headphones. Yeah I'm really trying to figure them out. I'm a one ear on, one ear off. Or maybe I'm not anymore of these. No that's confronting. Quite tight. What do you need one ear off for? Would you say I'm large in the head? Oh, this is a trap. Don't answer. No, no, no, I'll take it. You're large in the head.

Yeah. Not width. See, I'd say Vaughan's large in the head because helmets don't normally fit him. Oh, no, I can slip on a helmet anywhere. Yeah. That's good. At the luge, you can do any helmet. Yeah, I think so.

Because Vaughan has to bring a specially made luge helmet. Oh, no. No, no, no. I'm just your classic adult lady helmet. No, not me. I luged recently, actually. It was good fun. I love a luge.

Get out there, guys. Try something new. Did you run off the... They don't let you do it. They don't advertise it. No. You've got to bunt people off. You've got to bunt people off.

Oh, you've got to... Yeah, I got caught behind a slow poke and I gave her a bit of a nudge. Yeah, you verstarpender. Just like, excuse me. Yeah, you come in on the inside and then when it turns into a tight corner, just shunt them off. Yeah, get out of here. Bye, happy holidays.

Yeah, boom. Oh, you put your leg out. You just broke it. Shame, bitch. See you at the bottom. Away we go. I'd like to apologise to that woman, actually. I think she might have fallen out. No, she was all part of the bottom. Away we go. I'd like to apologise to that woman, actually. I think she might have fallen out.

No, she was all part of the fun. I kept looping around and she was gone. Dead. Coming up on the show, your chance to win free fuel this morning at 7 and 8 with ZMT Tanks. Super easy game to play. You just got to listen out for the activator. It's coming up.

The top six are disappointingly hearing that some police and fire officers are not vaccinated. Yeah, so they're being stood down. Blows my mind. Yeah. I think there was 200 frontline community officers that haven't been vaccinated, which is crazy because they're dealing with all the COVID-y people. COVID-y breaches and that sort of thing.

But I've got the top six replacements for the firefighters that won't get vaccinated. Oh, okay. Yeah, because there'll be some holes to fill. Yeah, there will be some holes to fill. Okay. Also some controversy coming up with a Guinness World Record attempt by a New Zealand man. Where genome sequencing a potato. Nothing better to do?

Nope. No videos for genome sequencing right now That's for sure It's coming up Also next on the show Your best leftovers I'm going to give you the number one What's best in your fridge the next day?

Still figuring out these headphones Or would they go in your ears? That's all you need to know Ear or ears? That's the question for me. Anyway, it's not important. I'll figure it out. Fletch is trying to push his two-ear agenda on Hayden.

He was trying to tell me exactly what to do. Do this. This is the way. Because what happens is you've got it half on now. You'll turn around and get feedback. And the listeners will have to hear that. Oh, will they? Yeah.

Okay. hear that. Oh, will they? Yeah. Okay. Like that. So in winter, Vaughn wears a big floppy beanie, and they half sit on, and he's feedbacking all the time in winter. Okay, I'm both on. The feedback only happens if there's otherwise silence. So like that. That might have drawn a little beanie squeal.

In winter, there would have been a beanie squeal. There would have been a beanie squeal. So we've got that to look forward to. Just fill the silence to avoid the beanie squeal. A survey has been done that's looking into leftovers, what we eat for our leftovers, what makes the best leftovers. 50% of people eat leftovers on a regular basis. I love leftovers.

I don't. No, see, I'm the same. I don't like them at all. Yeah, so a lot of that is people who do it intentionally, like meal prep, and then, you know, do a big batch of something and then sort of eat it slowly throughout the week. And I hate that. I've always tried to do it to get on top of things and be organised.

Yeah, I tried that once, and then you get to Thursday. And the next day, you're like, ugh, the last thing I want to say. Yeah, the broccoli and the... Soggy kumara. That's not leftovers though. That's not, in my mind, that's not leftovers. That's meal prep. That's meal prep.

Which sucks. But this is a mixture of, yeah, leftover meals from a home-cooked meal, leftover from takeaways, which I love. I mean, you order an Indian, it's delicious. The next day, it's exquisite. Yeah, it's thickened. It brews. It's further thickened. And you put it in the microwave and it crusts its own head. No, no, no, noquisite. Yeah, it's thickened. It brews. It's further thickened.

And you put it in the microwave and it crusts its own head. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Eat it cold. Vaughan. Eat it cold. Yes, cold curry. No. What a treat.

Yes. I don't eat it, but the chicken's not going to be nice. It's going to be chewy. No. Like, even now. It's been soaking in the juice. It's been soaking in the whatever you got. Your kormas, your butter chickens, your monster.

Heat your leftovers to an appropriate temperature. Nah, isn't that dangerous? Everything's dangerous. Driving a car's dangerous. You did it already. so if you, if you have a cold curry

the next day, do you have cold rice with it? Because rice is bad. No, I don't have rice with it. I'll have naan or I'll just bring a bit of, like a wrap in.

Okay. Bring a Farrah's wrap in. Okay. Oh my gosh. There bring a bit of, like a wrap-in. Okay. Bring a Farrah's wrap-in. Okay. Oh, my gosh. There's a number of factors that, you know, differentiate the good foods from the bad foods for leftovers. How recently it was made, that's for sure. No, no, because that's, you'd think that.

Oh, my God. How? But when you've got, like, a mince dish and it's got, like, the fat starts to get a bit orangey, that's a good bit of flavour. That's good. My father told me, I come from a long line of people

who won't let it go to waste. How many days are we talking? You make a spag bol and then you put it in the fridge. I'd go two. Two max. Maybe three. But my dad will go a week.

No, no, two max. He'll give it a sniff and a lick. Well, this is it. The most important factor is how recently it was made. The next one is how it smells. You give it a whiff. I'm always too scared. I'd rather get it in and then figure it out when it was going down.

That's sort of a life motto of yours. Get it in, then figure it out. And where it's from. Like, did you get it? Was it takeaways? Because then you don't know when they bought their chicken. You know, they could have bought their chicken and they could have cooked it on the last day it's from. Like, did you get it? Was it takeaways? Because then you don't know when they bought their chicken. You know, they could have bought their chicken and they could have cooked it on the last day it was best buy.

They could have got the reduced to clear chicken. The stuff that's been marinated? The marinated chicken? And you look at it and you're like, hello, that marinade's having a little bit of grey. So what did they judge the best leftovers? The best leftovers, soup was the top of the list, which I agree. You know, it's an easy, it would make a better soup. Did stew fall into that?

Yeah, stew. I'd say stew. Ah, the leftover stew. Pizza is next, I agree with that. Cold or warm. No, cold. I'm going to reheat it. With a bit of mayonnaise on top.

Oh. Because you've got to re-moisturise. So say you've got your pizza of the day and then you heat it up, it goes that sort of like cardboardy. How are you heating it? Microwave. Well, you get a cup of water. I know, I know.

So you go wrong. I've got an air fryer. I could air fryer it. I'd air fry it. Yeah, and then put a bit of mayonnaise on top. I'd put a little bit of extra something on there. Yeah, sauce it up, air fry it, mayonnaise it. The next one's meat, which I don't know.

I always feel like meat dries out the next day. No, only if it was dry meat to start with. Pastas after that, which I agree. You can always reheat a bowl. Nah, it goes stodgy. And rice rounds out the top five. But rice is dangerous. Rice is a...

Bad to reheat. It can get you a little bit sick if you don't heat it up enough. Same with if you leave sushi in the front seat of your car. So it warms up. Gets a bit dangerous, doesn't it? Look at this, 47% of people surveyed think that tuna and egg salads are worthy enough to save for later. You're wrong. No way.

Who's even saving food to eat later? I just eat it all now. I just eat it all now. That's the problem. Get it all in when it's freshest and deal with that later. And this is why we all had to go to the gym yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It was a summer of no leftovers. It was indeed. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. It was just the news that a Delta variant ravaged little Pacific Island called Aotearoa needed last year. Yeah. When we thought Colin had dug up a record-breaking spud. It shooketh me.

Was he on Seven Sharp? He was on everything. He was on everything. All the news. He's going to be on Dancing with the Stars. I'm going to call her. What? Dancing with the potato?

Dancing with the potato. He'll do the monster mash. So this giant potato, they were like this. 7.9 kilograms at time of harvest. Right. Currently, last time he weighed it, it was down to seven. Oh, no. It had been in the freezer.

Jeepers. So the previous one. A bit of shrinkage. Yeah, a bit of moisture loss. That happens. It does. When you age. Especially when you put it in the freezer.

Yeah, it's cold in there. 4.99 kilograms, the current world record Now Guinness aren't just going to hand over this world record willy nilly No, they don't A slither of the potato has been sent for genetic testing To make sure that it's a potato But this is what Colin and the rest of us are saying What the bloody hell else could it be?

A pumpkin? A white pumpkin? What grows in the ground though? It wouldn't grow underground. Does it need to be a certain type of potato? No, it just needs to fall into potato-ass, badumba-dass, you know, like I say, it'll have a scientific name, umbrella,

that the potato family falls under. Yeah. Right, so if they can get the genome sequencing back. Yes. I'm assuming. Genomic sequencing to see what variant it is. After they've done all the Delta and Omicron testing, they'll find out it's a potato. They'll give him the record?

Yes. So. He said he's going to fight it too if they say that they won't give him the record. He's going to ask them to prove that it's not a potato. It's absolutely a potato. I can tell by looking at it. Well, yeah, it looks like just a big gnarly knotted potato. It's so gnarly, yeah.

It's pretty ugly. Yeah, it's really ugly. So he's been keeping it in the freezer though? Correct. Is that how they've been keeping it from going green and rooty? Yep, he's filled out. He read the 128-page application for the Guinness World Records, popped down to PGG Rights and popped it on the scale.

He's got a fight. Yep. You know, with, you know, the whole... To make it official, because obviously the Guinness World Record, people can't travel that easily. You can't just whack it on your kitchen scales. Is that someone's job?

Like, pre-COVID, pre-pandemic, you worked at the Guinness World world record office and they were like gary yeah we've got a trip to new zealand for you tomorrow you've got to go weigh this spud yeah people like if it's a counting thing like how many times can you skip yeah with a skipping rope they bring their own counter in so that you can't just sort of have your right counted and say yeah she did otherwise i guess you film it yeah film it yeah i she did 100. Otherwise, I guess you film it. Yeah, film it. Yeah. I'm just looking because there's speculation. Colin thinks Doug might be the moonlight variety potato, but he also just plants any old rogue spud that sprouts in the cupboard,

so we might have a new sort of a hybrid variety here. What are they going to do with it afterwards? A mash? Well, I think it's past it. You reckon? Yeah, potato doesn't freeze well. That's quite sad that we never get to eat it. Yeah, I don it's past it. You reckon? Yeah, potato doesn't freeze well. That's quite sad that we never get to eat it. Yeah, I don't know how good it would taste.

You know, like when things are really big, they don't stop tasting good. What about a gratin, you know, add some cheese to it, thinly sliced? What are the potatoes? Like a gratin, you know, scalloped potatoes with the cheese and the cream and the chives. Yeah. So when does he get the sequencing back? Just waiting. Will he hold a one o'clock press conference?

I hope so. Get Bloomfield up there. Got a co-car tour? Just here to talk about the big potato. Turns out it's a potato. And also there's 180 cases in the community. Sure. From the ZM think tank, this is the Top Six.

Hello. Hundreds of unvaccinated firefighters can no longer respond to emergency calls. Hundreds of unvaccinated firefighters. That's bad, isn't it? Yeah. We just found out our gas oven was installed illegally as well.

So I might need a firefighter. How was that installed illegally? They'd done it themselves. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they'd run it under the house just to like a barbecue gas thing and the fittings were all, no, no, no. Right, right, right. Okay, that does not sound great.

A guy came around and he was like, oh, this is not good. It's fixed now, but I would have needed a firefighter eventually. Should it have gone up? But there might not have been any of the house left to put out. Might have just blown up. That is just red tape, bureaucratic bullshit. The council are putting these rules on people

to try to make their houses safer. How dare they? These highfalutin overpaid counsellors who picks it up? The ratepayer. Is Hosking bad? I just feel like someone's got to be... He knows next week, I think. Filling that gap.

I'm more than happy to take on Hosking roles. More than happy to do it. Fire and Emergency New Zealand said 95% of total paid staff and 90% of volunteers had received two doses of the vaccine. Okay.

But that left people, you know, quite a few people still unable to attend call-outs because they're not vaccinated. Oh, that's sad. Yeah. Are they taking a stance?

Have they said why? Or are they just anti? The people who put out the fires. The people who haven't. Do you think it's maybe the fumes they've been breathing in have impacted their ability, boggled their mind, to make a choice about the vaccine? Ironically, people who tell you to have smoke alarms in your house

can't see that prevention is often the best measure rather than putting out the fire once it's already started. Holy moly, that was poetic. Yeah. Also, you've just reminded me, we took our smoke alarms down because we did a Bora bomb. Please put them back up. Damn it.

What's a Bora bomb? You know, you've got Bora in your house, in your wood. No, not everybody's got Bora in their house. It's a sign of a wood. You bloody do. You are not selling this house that you've purchased. You might not get to see it, but it's eating at your house. It's in the wood.

If your house is older than 1970. So you took your smoke alarms down while you had the bad gas fittings. Yeah. Right. And we haven't put them up. We've got very high stakes. And you put a bomb in your house. Right.

Were you in the house when the borobomb went off? No, we also removed ourselves from the house. How long does a human have to be out of the house for a borobomb? A couple of hours. Is it like a flea bomb? Yeah. I've used a flea bomb. Yeah.

It's like you're in SWAT. Yeah, it's like that. And you quickly lock the door behind fun. Yeah. It's like you're in SWAT. Yeah, it's like that. And you quickly lock the door behind you. Yeah. That's great. So I've got the top six replacements for unvaccinated firefighters. Okay. Number six, a tap with a reflective strip.

Because I've always got a reflective strip on. They do. And they squirt water. Yeah, great. Okay, good. Two things that a tap with a reflective strip can also do. Who operates the tap? The tap

turns itself on. It's on a timer. Oh, okay, right. It just turns on every 12 hours to preventively take care of any possible... So it just preventatively wets your house in case there's a fire. Correct. Awesome. Number five on the list of the top six replacements for unvaccinated firefighters, a drone with a hose on it.

Isn't that, do Dubai have one of those? Yeah. They've got a drone that's actually got the fire extinguisher attached. Oh, that's cool. That's a heavy drone. It's a similar question though. You need a fire operator. Anybody.

Everybody wants to fly a drone. Okay. You let everybody have a go with the drone with the hose on it. Number four on the list of the top six replacements for unvaccinated firefighters, the bucket fountain with a hard hat on. It's made of hard hats. Absolutely. It's made of hard hats.

But you'd be standing there and the bucket fountain would be at this house fire and you'd be like, when's it going to put it out? No, they'd be like, yeah. Yeah, exactly. That is the excitement of watching a house burn down. Was that multicoloured fountain going to do its thing? You always get a surprise from those buckets, don't you? And a little bit of a splash back.

Number three on the list of the top six replacements for an unvaccinated firefighter is a sprinkler with a remote control car. So it's like a remote control car. Right, okay. So it's like a remote control car, and on the top you... And you drive it into the house fire. Yeah, and then it's either like...

And then it gets the whole 360. Yeah, right. Or it does the back over the top thing. Okay. Pretty good coverage from that as well. Mm-hmm. Number two on the list of the top six replacements for unvaccinated firefighters,

a smoke alarm with a hose on it. That's pretty good. So it goes off and then it just does its own thing. Isn't that a sprinkler system? Tell me more about the sprinkler system. Isn't that what all hotels and apartments have installed? It's just sort of an automated situation. So it's an alarm and the sprinklers get set off automatically.

What sets off the sprinklers? The fire, smoke. Smoke. Yeah. But then what if you were just burning your toast? Yeah, they'll go off. Okay. Water everywhere.

The whole building will be evacuated. Good luck with that, yeah. I need to work on that just a little bit. And number one on the list of the top six replacements for unvaccinated firefighters, seals. Yep. With the jaws of life and a fire engine. Seals. Se engine. The seals. The aquatic mammal.

Mammals, right, yeah. Because I was thinking dolphins, but they'd muck around too much. Useless on land, yeah. And they'd just be like having too much fun. Having a laugh. Oh my God, imagine a dolphin or a seal with a firefighter's helmet on. I can imagine a seal with it on, driving the fire engine straight into the house.

It's got no legs. What? It's got flippers. Who, the seal? The seal could use its flippers to control the pedals. No, it couldn't. 100% it could. They're far too broad.

A team of seals. One could steer and do the pedals. I fully believe you could teach a seal to do that For an anchovy And one of the other ones could you look after the gister I'd just rather have one of the vaccinated firefighters Driving the fire truck And the seal's on the hose

I would take an unvaccinated firefighter over a seal But the seal's vaccinated It's not going to give you COVID Alright bring in the seals I don't know if you've seen this Seals vaccinated. It's not going to give you COVID. All right, bring in the Seals. Yeah, bring in the Seals. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I don't know if you've seen this, and I kind of hope that you haven't. On the lovely app TikTok,

there's a new trend, hashtag sleepy chicken, that started with one user posting a very interesting recipe. My wife got sick last night, so I'm cooking up some NyQuil chicken. Season that NyQuil in there just at the right temperature. You're going to want to let it sit there and sizzle

for about, you know, 5 to 30 minutes. Oh, sometimes the steam really makes you sleepy. So, NyQuil, it's hashtag NyQuil chicken, hashtag sleepy chicken. NyQuil's like Robitussin. It's like cold and flu medication. It's got your drugs.

It's got your antihistamines. It's going to make you a little bit drowsy. Benadryl dry forte is apparently the New Zealand equivalent of night call, according to Google. The one you have before bed makes you a little bit sleepy, so you have a good night's sleep. Yeah, it helps you out, but it knocks you out and sort of works on you while you're asleep.

So obviously at this point I think we should point out that we're certainly not encouraging this at all. That is a terrible idea. I don't stand with either of you. I think we should give it a go. Protein. Get the crock pot on. Yeah, exactly. So basically you poach your chicken

in your Robitussin if we were to do it in New Zealand. Not that we will. In America NyQuil is blue, like bright blue. Right. So it looks absolutely feral. And of course, like people are going, this is going to be a joke. He hasn't actually done it.

He says, oh, it's worked before. I'm going to do it again every time my wife gets sick. But the damage is done, unfortunately. So immediately, hashtag sleepy chicken was trending. People have been sharing their own videos of cooking their nightfall chicken. Terrible. And of course, health professionals are going, don't do this. Because the risk of overdosing is super, super high.

What did you just say before, Vaughan? It's like having a quarter of a bottle. Yeah, Dr. Aaron Hartman said, when you cook cough medicine like nightfall, you boil off the water and the alcohol in it, leaving the chicken saturated with a super concentrated amount of drugs. Yeah. Eating one of those cutlets completely cooked would be as if you're actually drinking a quarter of a bottle of NyQuil.

That's too much. When it's supposed to be, it's like 10, 15 mil amounts. So then that can result in dry mouth, dilated pupils, insomnia, night terrors, hallucinations, seizures, and even death. So don't do it. Isn't that terrible? Also, you know how he said that steam really gets you? Yeah.

That's another part of it. When you're cooking it, it can also aerosolize. Aerosolize. Yep, that's a word. Aerosolize. Yeah. Like it turns into a vapor. Yeah, and you're just sitting over breathing it in.

Well, I think if you're that sick that you're huffing sleepy chicken, I think you should just go to the hospital. Or just have the normal amount of NyQuil or Benadryl or Robitussin. Have some chicken noodle soup and then have your Robitussin. As two separate entities. Yes. Not as one delicious mixture. Keeping up to date with the news

just became a little easier. As at Herald's new podcast, the front page is your short, sharp daily news podcast. Join me, Damien Venuto, every weekday morning as I chat with journalists and newsmakers

going behind the headlines to break down what you need to know on the biggest news stories of the day. Listen to the front page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Nine minutes away from seven, your chance to win free fuel. Just minutes away with ZMT Tank. Listen up for the activator. Next in the show, ACC have told us what injuries plagued us last year. And you'll remember there was a fair bit of lockdown last year. Yeah, these are the lockdown injuries. So are they sex injuries? Yes, lots of them.

But you never say that on your ACC forum. Who's having sex in lockdown? You never say, well, you might try something new with yourself, perhaps, and next thing you know, you've got a miniature Vegemite jar up your bum. I don't know, but you certainly don't say that it was a sex injury. You say you were cleaning the cupboard and you fell on it. I slipped and

the shower. I've looked at this list of lockdown injuries. There is not a Vegemite jar on there. Yeah, because they're too ashamed to say it. Jar on the anus is on the list. Let's go through these injuries but then also decide

for what percentage of these are actually just mislabeled sex injuries. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. ACC have revealed figures that tell us how Aucklanders

hurt themselves with all the lockdowns that happened last year. Right. And it seems being at home was not, like, good. It was dangerous. Because any workplace injuries or workplaces where there is a lot of structure in place to stop injuries.

There's a plan. Just offices and stuff. Yeah. But when you're at home, you think you're at home and you're safe. You're safe in your own home. There's no off. You fool. You damn fool.

That's why there's been an injury. What was it? 1,000 injuries a day? Oh my God. 1,000 Auckland injuries were recorded on an average daily basis during lockdown. What? I didn't even know people were getting off the couch.

They weren't. But when they did, because they'd been stationary for so long, they hurt themselves. Right. 38 claims. I'm going to... This is the 10 things that caused it. Because they've been stationary for so long, they hurt themselves. Right. 38 claims. I'm going to, this is the 10 things that caused it.

38 claims of DIY related injuries. Is that number 10? Yes, this is number 10. We're working our way up to the big ones. Yeah, this is generally how lists work, in my experience. Well, I was just reiterating for a little bit. Sometimes you go one to 10, sometimes you go 10 to one. It's good. Well, James Whittaker is ACC Sometimes you go one to ten, sometimes you go ten to one. It's good.

Well, James Whittaker is ACC's injury prevention program leader, and he said often it's an inappropriate use of equipment and DIY that led to these claims. Sex stuff. This is what I'm saying. I think that's where the experimentation came in. You cut yourself with a chisel, but what they don't know is you were using the handle for the sex stuff. Right, okay.

Oh, I was doing a carving. Everybody lies on the ACC. Exactly. Always lie. Number nine, e-bikes. 62 claims of e-bikes. Imagine spending thousands of dollars on an e-bike.

The price of e-bikes has gone through the roof. Yeah, it's crazy. Only to, you know, not being able to drive it. Yeah. Ride it. Unless it was an injury,

a sex injury. It could injury, a sex injury. It could have been a sex injury. Trying to have sex on the bike. Because you don't need to pedal as much. You've got to straddle. Yeah, you're doing the old sexy double. We've all done the sexy double. E-scooters are more dangerous than e-bikes.

E-bikes had 62 claims. E-scooters had 117. That's not new though, is it? They're terrible. Well, that's lockdown or not. There's always an e-scooter injury. But all the e-scooters were closed. No, they were all go.

Oh, were they? And personal e-scooters. Yeah. Personal e-scooter numbers through the roof. Number seven. 214 ACC claims involving accidents involving painting. New Zealanders need to remind themselves about correct ladder usage. Do we not remember the ACC

ad from the 90s where the guy fell off backwards when he was painting his guttering and broke his neck? Yeah. That or sex stuff. Sure. Digging. Whether it be stabbing themselves through the foot with a fork or straining their muscles, digging

because they hadn't been doing enough exercise. Don't get an ACC claim for pulling a muscle. Get a grip. 505 Auckland. No, but you need to get the free physio. That's why you have to do that. Have a stretch. But to be honest, this also sounds a little bit like sex stuff.

554 injuries involve lawn mowing. Oh, yeah, okay. I hate when you mow your foot off that, he says, James Whitaker says, I am aware that it varied, involving some people cutting their toes off. 1,166 Aucklanders hurt themselves running. Oh, yep. We've got running injuries, rolled ankles, damaged knees, sprains and aches.

Is that the biggest one? Nope. Number three, gardening. Oh, yeah. 1,691 Aucklanders had accidents related to gardening. Wow. Although, probably sick stuff. Trim in the bush.

No. Number two, exercise. So this excludes, this is on top of running. Right. Again, the same sort of injuries 2,558 wow and that's the second biggest claims

yeah and then the very broad area of home this is number one number one 76,217 people

heard themselves slips trips and falls in the home falling off a chair backwards I mean this really should be called drinking, I feel like that should have been That's exactly what it is Daytime drinking So there you go, we hurt ourselves a lot

Did they say how much it's cost us all? Was there a figure on that? Because it's always like millions of dollars No, it doesn't have a figure attached It doesn't have a figure attached Well? Because it's always like millions of dollars. Yeah, no, it doesn't. It doesn't have a figure attached. It doesn't have a figure attached. Well, at least we can

get out now and about so we can hurt ourselves in a park. Yeah, hurt ourselves somewhere different. Hurt ourselves at the beach, at the gym, the Waikato up north.

We're going to hurt ourselves anywhere now. Thanks, Ash. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's five minutes past seven. Coming up on the show. I made the mistake yesterday of discussing pocket money with my children who have never had pocket money. If I just wanted them to do something, I just told them to do it.

Yeah, otherwise like... But I thought with a financial incentive, they might be less whinging about being asked to do things. Because they'd be thinking of a financial incentive. What have you done? Well, I should have thought about me. I'm paid to be here and I do nothing but whinge. Genetically, this was a terrible idea.

This is a... I shouldn't say we're smiths, we're not made to work because I come from a line of very hard-working, pioneering farmers, but I'm not genetically cut out for work. No. So why am I surprised that they aren't either? All right, we'll delve into this pocket money situation soon. Also coming up, some crumpets have caused some division online.

Say crumpet again. Crumpet. Oh, yum. I was going to say, he's not saying it's sexy. He's not even like sexualising the pee. Well, that's up to interpretation. It depends on what you think is sexy. Crumpet.

Yeah. Crumpet. Crumpet. Yeah. That's on the table. Personally, I'm not a fan. Of crumpets? What?

They've divided. Who's not a fan of crumpets? Or you're not a fan of this use of crumpets? I'm just not a fan of crumpets? Or you're not a fan of this use of crumpets? I'm just not a fan of crumpets. I'd rather have something else. Like, I'd rather have toast or a pancake. But crumpets is a treat. Yeah, crumpets, you know, it's not toast or crumpet.

Well, crumpets have been switched out for something, and it has caused some argument and controversy online. We're going to delve into that soon. Time to give away some free fuel, though. Isaac, good morning. Good morning. All right, so this is how it works. The fuel pump will be counting up the dollar amount.

You've just got to say stop before it buzzes and cuts off the fuel and you lose. So at any stage, if you want the cash amount, the fuel amount, just say stop. All right, are you ready? Yeah, ready. Let's go. $10.

$10. $45. $90. $110. Oh, no! Damn, Isaac! Isaac! Were you hoping to go a bit higher?

Yeah, I was trying to go for the 150. You said you were 150. See, I don't know. We've had times when it's cut off at, like, 90. Times when it's gone to, like, 400. Isaac! Oh! A stingy gone to like 400. Isaac. A stingy fuel pump this morning, Isaac. Sorry, mate.

We will have another chance for you to play ZMD Tank at 8 o'clock this morning, just before the news. I can't keep up with these emotions. This is so stressful. Coming up, speaking of stress, Carl Ween's got a conundrum. At the social media desk, yes. She does indeed, a big conundrum.

We're going to dive into it. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Vaughan just said, I'm sorry, I'm digressing here. Vaughan just said that I should get a mum wagon. Yeah. I'm talking about I want a new car because my car is not, we're not clicking on a spiritual level. Right.

And I said I didn't want the car wins silly what is it called? The Leaf. Aqua. The Aqua. The Aqua. And a Leaf is full electric. Yeah, but she said that it was cute and I said I don't need a cute car.

I need an aggressive sports car. And you said, no, you need a mum wagon. You need a Kia Carnival. Yes. An eight-seater people mover. You've got a big man at home. He needs his leg. He's got a truck.

He can do his own thing. Get out of here. Don't mum me because I'm in my 30s. Speaking of car wing. Big mum energy. Our lovely car wing on the social media desk has... The driver of a Toyota Aquire. I know, which I find to be slightly embarrassing.

She calls it cute. We'll agree to disagree. It is not embarrassing. It's not embarrassing. It's just... Whose Aquire is newer out of yours and producer Anya's? Mine's 2012. Oh, mine's 2013.

Oh! Big flicks. Must be nice. I should say, though, in my little zippy Mazda Sports model, Anna pulled up next to me yesterday, gave me the eyes at the lights because she knows that I think her car's very silly. The lights went green and off she hooned, and I was still idle. Oh, really?

They have such a good take-off. This wouldn't have happened in the carnival. But, Carwen, you've been faced with a bit of a conundrum, a moral conundrum, shall we say. Yeah, I feel like maybe I've stolen, maybe? Okay, do explain. So, back in November, I feel like maybe I've stolen maybe, potentially. Okay, do explain.

So back in November, I ordered like a clothing order, some shorts. You do you, girl. Good for you. Thank you so much. Treat yourself. And I hadn't received them before New Year's. And so I contacted them, said, hey, I'm not sure what's happened to them. I don't have tracking for this because I didn't pay for it, to be fair.

Yeah. And it's been two months. And they were like, yeah, that's past our delivery time. It's probably lost in the mail. We'll send you another pair. So I was like, amazing. They sent me tracking for this new pair. And then the next day, the original pair arrived.

And now I need to know, do I tell them? Who are we dealing with here? Well, maybe don't say, but is it a big international company? Yeah. Oh, okay. Because if it was a little New Zealand retailer, I'd be like, absolutely send them back. Yeah, 100%. If they were small or New Zealand, I'd get in touch.

Was it tracked shipping? Because they'll be able to see. The first one wasn't. No, so the first package wasn't tracked shipping because it was like an extra $6 and I just didn't want to do that. And you. No, so the first package wasn't track shipping because it was like an extra $6 and I just didn't want to do that.

Yeah, and you said they've ridden that off. Yeah, they were like, yeah, they're probably lost. I think you're good to go.

It was because they took so long to get here. They came from Ireland or something. Yeah, I bought it from this company before.

But Ireland's still struggling after the global financial crisis. They got too many tax breaks. Bono paid $0 tax, and everyone was running Ireland as a tech company tax haven. I think you should send them back. Ronan Keating had to do ads for New Zealand radio stations, didn't he?

So they are reeling the Irish. You don't feel bad about that at all. Have you opened the package? I've been doing my part for the Irish economy. What? Guinness. Drinking Jamesons. Oh yeah, good. It's going out of fashion. Have you opened the courier package? I'm wearing them right now.

Oh, it's too late. You can't take them back. They're little shorts. But like, do I tell them that they've arrived and say I'll send the second replacement order back? Nah, just keep both. I'd keep both. They said they'd written them off. It took too long. They're yours.

This happened to me with a Australian company and I had ordered it and then chased them up. No, ordered something, took ages, chased them up. And then obviously they did like a follow-up send. And then so I had, I bought two dresses. So then I had four dresses and I sold them on Trade Me. Because were they the same dress? They were the same dress.

So like shorts, you can have a lot of the same pairs of, but if it's the same dress. Yeah. And they're quite distinct dresses. So. Well, that's a win. That's a win-win for you, Karwin. So you get more shorts.

I got a nice little profit in the pocket. And they don't care. Right. Okay. Thanks, guys. Is that all you needed to feel good? Yeah. Carwin's conundrum sold.

How much do you mind me asking how much they cost? Oh, they were only, I got two pairs and they were only like $16 each. Okay, that's not too much. That's all right. That's not too bad. Yeah, this company's not going bust. But what about your dresses? How much did they cost? A couple hundred a pop. Right. Okay, so's not too much. That's alright, that's not too bad. Yeah, this company's not going bust. But what about your dresses? How much did they cost? Oh, a couple hundred a pop.

Right, okay, so you've bankrupted a couple hundred. But I made back probably a hundred on each dress. Right. Yeah. And that went straight into the savings funds for the Kia Carnival. Oh, God. The mum wagon. See, I don't want a mum wagon! Play

ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, the don't want a mum wagon. Well, the Crumpet Company Golden. They're the famous. They are the Crumpet Company. That's the Crumpet. The Crumpet people. They're big Crumpet. People come up against them.

They're going up against the Goliath. They've got no chance. It wouldn't be a good business idea to start a sort of boutique Crumpet company. You go on Shark Tank and you're like, I've got an idea. It seems to be a monopoly in the crumpet industry and I'm going to go up against them. And all the sharks in the Shark Tank are like, you're an idiot. No, don't do it. You're crazy.

You don't go up against Golden. They are crumpets. These are also the people that made the scone toast that time. Yeah, you loved that, didn't you? Oh, my God. The slices were about as thick as my hand. Yeah, they were like two inches thick. Oh, my God. they were so good.

I'm so hungry. Oh, my God, they made me a very naughty boy. They put up a post last week on their Facebook page, which has kind of started gathering some steam, of a crumpet burger. So it's using their crumpet, golden crumpets, and there's a picture with a hand, and there's tomato sauce on one crumpet, golden crumpets. And there's a picture with a hand and there's tomato sauce on one crumpet.

And it's coming down on an egg, patty, onion, tomato, lettuce and crumpet base. Is the which bits coming down, the porous bit or the flat toasted bit? The porous bit. So the flat's top. Is the top. Yeah, the porous faces the burger. Yes. And it holds your sauce as it doth your butter.

Yeah. And the caption who said burgers need to use a bun? Would you give us a go? Question mark. And then people are like absolutely not. Absolutely. Because they're too hard for a They're not hard. No.

Not for it. If you toss them, they've got a bit of a crunchy outer. Not too crunchy. But that's sort of like a bun when you half toast a bun and the rest of it's soft. Too small for a burger too. A petite burger. Yeah, a petite burger. But then I don't think, what are you worried about missing out on calories

by having a smaller burger? The fact you're eating two crumpets in place of bread will take care of that. I think it would be amazing because the sauce would sort of absorb into the crumpets' holes and fill up. And then as you bit into it, you know, when you're biting into crumpets,

it all, like, out. Or the butter and honey oozes. I would also be interested in seeing if they'd taken a different approach with this sort of burger

rather than a traditional hamburger. If they'd gone for, like, a deep-fried chicken situation. Yes. Like a, yeah. A sweeter edge. Yeah. Like a hot... A maple glaze. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Now we're shooting. Like a, yeah. A sweeter edge. Yeah. Like a hot.

A maple glaze. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Now we're shooting. Now we're cooking. Pineapple ring? I'm just going to say it. No, no, no. We're going to lie.

No one has to stick to it. I was thinking more Korean fried chicken. Yes. With a sort of a zesty slaw. Yes. Like they do for the donut Korean fried burgers. Yeah. Because that's what people who are poo-pooing on this,

have they had that glazed burger option? It's out the door. I just prefer a softer bun. Like a brioche bun? Oh, my God. They're the best. They're not crunchy, but they're tougher. The brioche is sweet.

They've got to chew. We ran a poll on our Instagram this morning, crumpet burger buns, yes or nah? Nah. 93% of you said nah. Wake up. You're so prudish. Wake up, sheeple.

Yeah. Don't follow the crowd on this. I just, I don't know. I mean, give it a go. When's your next homemade burger night? Give this a go. Mine's going to be tonight now that I've thought about it.

Yeah, it's kind of tempting to go tonight. Yeah, report back tomorrow. Let us know how that goes. A lot of effort goes into a homemade burger night, though, and I don't know if I want to just back the crumpet the whole way. Or have some backup buns. And then if it's terrible, switch to a brioche. It's terrible, but I wouldn't go beef as much as I'd go a chicken.

What about a fish? No, it doesn't feel right. I have a a fish? No, it doesn't feel right. I'm empowering. No, it doesn't feel right. Not on a crumpet. Crispy fried chicken. Well, now it sounds like we're on Big Crumpet money, doesn't it? Well, no, you poo-pooed the crumpet.

And this season was sponsored by... Big Crumpet. If we were on Big Crumpet, you'd be out the door. Why? Because you were against it. You dare speak out against the major sponsor. I'm not really a Crumpet fan. So yeah, I'm honestly not on big Crumpet money.

What about an English muffin? One of those split ones that you buy. Yeah. And you can get the savoury or the sweet. No one wants raisins in their beef burger. No, no, no. You're not going to go with the sweet spice one. You don't use the fruity muffin. You're going to go with the cheese.

For an eggs penny. Fruity muffin, beef, bacon. Yeah. That could be a good option for a little burger there. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Yesterday we discussed with my daughter's Indy, who's 10 in a couple of weeks, which blows my mind. I know in August it's 8 in June.

I know, it's crazy, eh? And we're old, by the way. Just. That's Father Tom at the door! We old now! I remember when she was, like, little and I held her like a rugby ball. I know! Me too.

I would have been like, that was five years ago. That's nearly ten. Wow! Nearly ten. So a friend of theirs recently got, like, a little job. Okay.

And so we just got talking about jobs and stuff. Like at the drive-thru or papers, paper deliveries. No, no, no, at the drive-thru. More like that. It's like helping out a real estate agent friend. Oh, okay. Going and putting the flag up and stuff in the neighbourhood. Right.

Yeah, I had a circular run and a newspaper and that. Sade, because we were just talking about our jobs, we had when we were young, Sade said she had a job delivering newspapers And they paid her Four dollars In coins What?

And I said how often And she's like I feel like it was weekly I was like how long did you last? And she's like not long Yeah I said because of the money She's like

And I got the feeling she just didn't want to work Right Versus how much. But yeah, they paid her in coins. That's weird. Yeah, I know. That's weird, eh? Anyway, we got talking about that.

And Indy and August said, well, we can do jobs for money. Yeah. And I said, well, when I was growing up, we didn't get money for doing jobs. We got fed. That's a great line. You get a roof over your head. You were clothed and fed. Yeah.

And so we started a discussion. I said, well, look, we can do a trial. Yeah, a trial. We can do a trial. Like, what do you think is an hourly rate that is fair? Now, I asked that not knowing, well, not remembering how proficient at Googling they are. So they just went on and Googled minimum wage New Zealand.

I was like, forget that because you're going to be just getting paid cash. And they're not of legal working age anyway. Is it still 14? No, it's more than that now. Oh, for the, no, I think it's more than that. They came back spouting, they were talking nearly $20 an hour. No, no, 14 years of now. Oh, for the... No, I think it's more than that. They came back spouting. They were talking nearly $20 an hour. No, no, 14 years of age.

Oh, 14 years of age. I don't know. A job job. I don't know. I didn't see that. And they Googled it last night. Conveniently, they swept over that detail. So I said, well, what about...

Because it will be easy to keep a track of. Because I said, there's no way they're going to be doing more than like an hour at once. Yeah. I said, what about $6 an hour but it's cumulative? So if you do 10 minutes here, you write down 10 minutes. Yeah.

You do half an hour there, you write down half an hour and at the end of the week, we add it all up, $6 an hour, whatever it comes to. And Indy said, that's way too,

that's not enough. The minimum wage is like nearly triple that. And I was like, oh. And she said, what about 12? Because then it's still easy to keep it running

because the hour is divisible by 12 every five minutes. Yeah. As a dollar. And I was like, am I getting like out-barred? That's powerful. I've been watching Succession season three. I should be the Logan Roy here. She basically said double it, daddy.

Yeah, double it or nothing. Yeah. You punk bitch. Well, no. Well, you should just say, yeah, but I'm going to have to take the tax. Well, I didn't talk about it. I haven't run them through the reality of tax yet. Are they just registered?

Because that's a whole other thing. Well, there's a whole other thing to deal with. So I said, okay, look, we'll start you on a trial basis at $12 an hour. But then I'm like, these kids can't do anything. $12 an hour? My first job was like $12 an hour. But then I'm like, these kids can't do anything. $12 an hour? My first job was like $9 an hour. I worked for $5 an hour before tax at the service station. At the servo.

Yeah. And I thought that was good. I know, me too. So away we went. And I said, okay, our first job is we've got some fences to move out in the paddock. Yeah. Get some grass for these animals. Is this just annoying?

Are they in the way at the stage? No, she's really, paddock. Yeah. Get some grass for these animals. Is this just annoying? Are they in the way at this stage? No, she's really, really helpful. Right. But then we had a tangle in the fence. Now, if you've ever tangled a fence, they take a while to untangle. Well, that's money. Money down the drain.

So we shift a fence. We take up another fence. We move some animals. We do some bits and pieces. Move a trough. Move some other things. We do some bits and pieces. Move a trough. Move some other things. And we get inside and Indy writes down, one hour 30. So yesterday I got a fleece of 18 bucks.

I'm like, how do you want this? I was like, okay. You've gone too high. I went too high. You need to give them a bill for the internet and food tonight. Yes. So you need to be like, internet $10, food $20. I was thinking of charging internet by the hour.

Like it's the 1990s and this is the dial-up scenario. Yes. And then all of a sudden they're going to be like. Because I can track it on that modem we've got. I can track how many hours they do on their phone. And then school drop-offs, that's fuel. That's at least $2. Cash the bus if you don't want to pay for that.

If they're going to earn that kind of money, they've got to pull their weight in the household. Yeah, exactly. I'm thinking of charging them rates. I think you should. The Vaughan City Council. $12 an hour. You do have 90 days to fire your daughters, though.

Yeah, trial period didn't work out. Yeah, trial period. Just be like, this hasn't worked out. I'm thinking of framing her for theft. And then I can get rid of her immediately. Is that still just a one-strike policy? Yeah. I think that's some kind of constructive dismissal, isn't it?

God, has she got me? Is she running the company now? Have I been dismissed? I think so, yeah. Oh my God. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. A study has been conducted that asked homeowners, married homeowners, what they do. I don't know why the homeowner part's important, but the married homeowners, what they do.

I don't know why the homeowner part's important, but the married people, what they do when their lover isn't home, when their SO isn't home. So your home alone. Your home alone, be it that they're away or they're at work or they're out with their friends. What do you get up to? You know, two-thirds of people say that all they do is binge watch the TV

shows that their partner doesn't like. I do a bit of that. I watch my naked attractions, your chairs. Emily in Paris. The ones that Aaron would just go. Naked attraction and chairs. Chair. I thought, why are you watching

the 80s Ted Danson Boston bar based comedy? Well, he's away. Let's watch some old telly. Why doesn't your fiance like Naked Attraction? Something for everyone there. I think he just finds it a bit.

Or nothing for nobody. Reality TV's not his bag at all. I think he finds all of that quite painful. Is Chair Season 2 good? Have you cried, haven't you? I cried yesterday. Oh, really?

Because it's very similar to marching in the way that they approach it and they get very emotional and passionate. Marching is a fantastic sport. Very similar in the way that it's disciplined and about uniformity. And the athletes. Are you still doing marching in 2022?

I am doing marching. I am. It's been hard obviously because my Auckland team hasn't been able to train. Right. Famously a team sport equidistant apart. You can't really distance. I don't know what any of that means, but okay. That's alright. What's not to understand about equally distant apart? Oh no, I thought you said equidistant.

Equidistant. Equi, what is that? Equidistant. Equally distanced. Why didn't you just say equally distanced? Because I went to private school. Did they teach you that word at public school? No. Equi. No, they didn't you just say equally distance? Because I went to private school. Did they teach you that word at public school? No. Equally. No, they didn't either.

They didn't have any words with Q's in them. So a lot of people, all they do is watch TV. 34% of people asked just cook recipes that their significant other doesn't like. Boy! Get some baking or get some food. Mine's always takeout. I always get an embarrassing takeout. How many people do you think would, when their partner's away, if they're doing

a joint or a diet, they have a sneaky chocolate or burger? And don't kid yourself the partner who's away is doing the same. Absolutely. What do you have? A little choppy salad. With greens in it. 56%

of people would have a little chat with themselves. Oh, yeah. Okay. Converse with themselves alone. A lot of people worry. So you start to worry about whether they've locked the doors or shut the windows. I get a bit like that.

If Aaron's away, I might sort of go, I don't like being in the house by myself. But that's sort of the list of things. I feel like there's a couple of things missing on the list. There's a glaring omission. Oh, we're all just baking and watching Tally, are we? I have a little chat to myself. It's like, well, it's been four hours.

I reckon that's probably... There might be a new one. We want to open up the phone lines now and ask what you do when your partner's away and you're home alone. Maybe you could be in a flat. You've got the flat empty. It's your time to have the house to yourself. Maybe your pants off on the couch because your wife's like, don't sit on the couch with your balls out.

You're just like, she's away. It's time my testicles felt the fabric. Felt the velour of this beautiful velvet. So 0800 dials at M. Give us a call. You can text as well. 9696. What do you do when your partner isn't home?

We're talking about what you do when your partner's away. There's been a study. People like eat food their partner doesn't like. Watch terrible TV. No mention of playing with yourself, but we've all made a huge assumption there We absolutely have As soon as the door closes

And then you hear them Oh I forgot something You're like Off, off, off, off I was just getting ready for bed I was just brushing my teeth So we want to know from you What you do with your partner away

Some messages in Someone said sleep on his side of the bed. Oh, okay. Is that like a romantic sweet thing, or is that just like that's your preferred side of the bed, but you gave it up for him? It might be the best side. It might be by the fan.

Might be the best side. Well, that's another one. Maybe they're heavier, and when they're away, you just sort of accidentally roll into it. Yeah. Get stuck in their divot. Someone said I run my air conditioning in summer if they go away, or the heater in winter. They're very particular about it. Someone said, I run my air conditioning in summer if they go away or the heater in winter.

They're all, they're very particular about it. They're anti, yeah. Yeah, anti it when they're at home. Drink milk straight from the bottle. I'm assuming that's a call from an adult

who's still drinking milk. Don't drink milk. Straight from the bottle. There's multiple things to address here. You're an adult, you shouldn't be returning to milk for a refreshing beverage.

And I do poo's with the door open. Oh, absolutely. I do that, but I live alone. So you just do it all the time. So I never, because if friends are around and I use the bathroom, it's always weird seeing the back of my door. I'm like, oh. Yeah, I will note, though, that we were at your house not so long ago.

And Vaughn, you just went toilet with the door open. I do go toilet with the door open. If it's a quick wheeze, I won't shut the door. If it's wheeze, that's fine. Is it?

There's absolutely no risk of my mini-sear penis poking out far enough down that you'll see it if you're just doing a quick walk by glance. Oh, okay. All right.

I eat treats and then tell them guests popped over and we needed something to present to them. Oh, yeah, good, good. That's a good one. I play the music that he complains about when he's away.

Someone said I nap. They're very anti-nap, so tend to wake me up from my naps. Oh, one of those partners that sort of judges you if you're having a nap. Yeah. Oh, doing nothing, eh? Okay. Falling asleep in the middle of the day.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. There's a new term out on the dating scene Which honestly sounds horrendous I haven't been on a date 11 years 11 years I've been with Aaron I couldn't, oh and now I'm talking about him He just texted me What about a date with Aaron?

No we don't do, we don't bother Romance is dead It's called hardballing This is the new term on the scene, hardballing It's not as painful as it sounds. It's basically just being clear and definitive up front about exactly what you want for your future. So you're not going in and sort of chatting around

for maybe a few months and flirty flirty, you know. Maybe telling them what you think they want to hear or agreeing with you. Exactly. First date you say, I want X amount of kids. I want this kind of thing. This is how I want to run our finances. This is the kind of house I want to live. This is where I see

me going in the future. This is too intense. You don't think that's too intense? Mate, you've got to think about the amount of relationships and time you've wasted with people that you're like, I really like this person. We have a great time.

And then it comes to crunch time. And I hate to say it, your ovaries are shriveling up, you know, and it's too late. And they're like, we didn't talk about this. Right. So put it on the table early. Put it on the table early. And experts are saying it's a great tool just to get in there

and not fluff around. Do you think the pandemic's made people this way? That they realise you've got less time to, you know, faff about? Well, it's two years of absolute wasted time, isn't it, for people? And so, you know, people are finally starting to meet people and they're like, well, let's just be more direct. Yeah, exactly. Do you think that's part of it?

Perhaps. Maybe. So they're saying, like, the best way to do it is to go into a... I mean, obviously don't go in and go, hi, my name's Hayley, I want three children. That's a funnier way of doing it is to go into it. I mean, obviously don't go in and go, hi, my name's Hayley. I want three children. That's a funnier way of doing it than like if you're like, hey, nice to meet you. Three children. Yeah.

$200 spending money a week outside of your essentials. Like that's quite funny. But if you're like sitting down and you're like, so what's your plan for kids? Well, they're saying though, but they are saying it's using the most sort of direct and clear language possible. So not faffing around being like, oh, you know, maybe we should talk about children because they desperately want to be a mother or something like that. It's about being really clear cut, thoughtful, tactful and diplomatic. What about giving them a questionnaire? At the end of the first day.

If you come out with a printed questionnaire, I'm running for the hills. Who filled out a, like, didn't we talk about this last? Someone had a Google Doc or a questionnaire that they had to fill out. Do you remember that? Oh, that rings a bell. That rings a bell, doesn't it?

I feel like somebody had a questionnaire to date them. No, it was that author we talked to, wasn't it? Oh, maybe. Did she make every guy that she went on a date with fill out that thing? A big form. Yeah, she went on like 8,000 dates. Wow. Well, there's an expert who's given some advice.

I mean, it's not all about fertility. It can be about other things. Like, you know, I'm interested in an open relationship and making that really clear from day one or, you know, anything. But this example they're using is about fertility. So it could be a woman who wants to have children and is aware of her fertile timeline and the language she's recommended.

I know that this may seem odd on our first date, Fletch. First date. But I need to tell you that I want to have a family and as a female, I have a timeline in which to do so and I don't have the luxury to date a guy just for fun. And then if you're on the receiving end Just for fun. And she's not saying that it's fun free, but she's just saying

that's gotta be in. And if you're on the receiving end and you're like, I'm being hardballed right now and I wasn't expecting it, you could say something like, wow Hayley. I'm just going to the bathroom, Hayley. I may not return. Yeah, oh my god, my grandmother's sick. I know you could say, wow Hayley I'm just going to the bathroom Hayley I may not return Yeah my Oh my god

My grandmother's sick I know you can say Wow thanks for being honest Let me think about that Can I ask you a couple more questions I don't know if I'd had the guts I'm a flirt I'm a flirt for fun

Yeah it feels like a job interview Doesn't it Yeah You've got to remember We're products of the early 2000s It was fast and loose We'd just survived Y2K guys We thought planes were going to drop Out of the sky at to remember we're products of the early 2000s. It's fast and loose. We just survived Y2K, guys. We thought planes were going to drop out of the sky at midnight.

And then we knew the Mayan calendar was in 2012. We were living on what we believed to be the final days. We had no idea that we were now in the final days. 2022, the final days. Or at Nostradamus. If the virus doesn't kill us, the ever-rising sea temperature will. Happy days. Four minutes to eight.

Good morning. Imagine going on a date with Vaughn. And I'd say, oh, Vaughn, I just want to let you know, I hope to have children in the future. Why would you do that? The world is doomed! Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thanks, Hesh. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's two minutes past eight. Coming up on the show...

Hmm, I think it's the South Americans that dabble in this. I've had it in Italy. In Italy. And these are two areas that what I'm about to talk about, this is their specialist subject. So I think it's no use dilly-dallying. While we're in summer here in New Zealand, we should be adopting this custom.

Okay. Also, Winnie, you would like to... I really don't. I can't believe this got the sign off. And considering I'm new in radio, I don't quite know how I'm going to dance my way around this one. But I had a bit of an incident, shall we say, at the laser clinic. And they left me wanting more.

All right, it's coming up. But it's your chance to win free fuel. Samara, good morning. Good morning. All right, so this is how it works. We're at the forecourt of our, what's our petrol station called? Just ZM. We couldn't take Z, so we've taken Z and M.

Z and M. We couldn't take Z, so we've taken Zed M. Zed M. Yeah. And the fuel pump will pump away and count up a dollar amount, Samara. You've just got to say stop before it buzzes and cuts you off. We had a loser, didn't we, at seven? We did have a loser at seven. Poor Isaac. Got greedy.

I'm not calling Isaac a loser. I'm just saying he lost. It was, yeah. Well, you chose the word loser. I got a bit greedy Samara, this is what happens after you leave If you don't win, we just absolutely bag on you Alright, well, say stop at any stage

Samara, if you do that before the fuel pump cuts off You get the fuel Let's go $10 $30 $45. $85. $100.

$130. Stop. Oh! $140, Samara. That is very good and it's going to help a lot. All yours. Well done. Thank you so much.

What kind of car are you driving? A Mazda. Yeah, girl. Get the Mazda. Mazda for life. That should fill up. A Mazda, right? I would say well and truly. Okay, great.

Let's see how high it would have gone, Samara. $145. Yes! Oh, yes. Got it. Congratulations. Oh, thanks so much. $140, all yours, Samara.

Well done. Another chance for you to win free fuel again tomorrow, 7 o'clock and 8. Five minutes past 8. 5 minutes past 8. Next on the show. Watch me dance around a very touchy topic. Well, leading up to me

telling this story, my fiancé Aaron has just texted me to say, how much detail are you planning on getting into, you grub? Good stuff. Now look, so I frequent the laser hair removal clinic. Right. You've both had your own experiences with. Yeah, well in the past.

Benefited wildly. Absolutely, yeah. Indeed. I don't know what my wild benefit was, but I benefited wildly. Oh, I bet. The confidence that comes. Oh boy, you know it.

Well, you don't have to ask your wife to shave your back in the shower anymore. No. No, because I was getting waxed. I was getting my back waxed. Yeah, yeah. I do need to ask her to shave my back in the shower before the lasering. That's right. Because I've got to be the shortest hair person.

But not anymore because it's all gone, though. Yeah. Also, big mystery. You never told me how you've shaved your bits that you've had lasered. Hard to reach bits. He's a man of mystery when it comes to who's shaving his bits. It's strange because, of course, you never told me how you've shaved your bits that you've had lasered. Hard to reach bits. He's a man of mystery when it comes to who's shaving his bits. It's strange because, of course, before you laser, you've got to shave it down. You've got to prepare the area.

And some of it, depending on the area. Have you found someone with a kink? It's a minefield. No. Have you found someone with a shaving kink? Is that a kink? Everything's a kink. Everything's a kink.

Anyway, the shaving is not the issue. I was prepped and ready to go, turn it to my appointment, and I get the package deal. Now, what is the package deal? The package is... It's like a KFC bucket, is it? Yeah. Legs, breast, thigh.

Yeah, it's... Do you get your gravy done? The potates and gravy? God, don't tell me they gave you a three bean salad. I call it your tits, pins and bits. Okay, right. So it's your pits, your pits, and then your full leg. Full leg laser.

Full leg. Full leg laser. Look at them. Smooth. Full leg laser. Wow. Never have to shave them again. Does that hurt the legs?

No, the legs don't hurt. The bit that hurts is the third part of the trio. The fanny. The gravy. Don't refer to it as the gravy. And it's already upset by the word fanny. Let's not say that word. Let's say the private.

The intimate area. Yep. There's a sort of unspoken rule between beauty therapists and female that when they're doing the full Brazil... Yes. There's the... Gone. There's the part two. You do the front, and to every front there is a back.

Wait, that's not the same thing though, is it? So a full... Now is that broken down in the price? Because I... No, it's extra. So it's extra. It's extra to go west. To go west. See, this is...

Hayley, are you noticing how Vaughn is dancing around this? Like a broadcasting professional. I know, I'm really learning. You're learning. Who let me put this on the spreadsheet? You've paid for the blustery east, and now you're asking the pioneers to saddle up and head west.

Absolutely. Because never forget the west. It's just as important. It's a wild west. It's wild. Until it's tamed. Anyway, so it was all, we were done, and then she

left the room without heading west. And I thought, huh. She colonised the east. Okay. Completely neglected the rich resource of the west. Had she gone close to the western region? She dipped a toe. Had she been there quite, okay.

She nearly crossed the border. She sent a scout. You know those know. She nearly crossed the border. She sent a scout, is what you say. You know those photos? She sent a scout, but she didn't dip a toe in the West. She lasered right up to the Western porthole. Right up to the Western porthole and then decided to say two. That is the end of the trip.

And it was just this moment of, like, I'm a very confident woman. I don't know if you know this, but there's not much that I won't say or do, but I couldn't find the voice to say, and the rest. You've not headed west. Excuse me, man, before you scuttle away. Yeah. You've not contacted me. You don't know how you ask.

I'm just going, what's the language? How do you say, I think you might have created a bit of a mullet situation? Well, no, technically, well, that actually depends entirely on the angle most you'd buy. Yeah. Is it a mullet or is it a fringe? It's a Western fringe. It's the West. I think it's a Western fringe.

Either way, it's not a style I was going for. Right. Anyway, I just couldn't believe I couldn't find it in myself. Makes for a hairy sunset if you don't go all the way west. Oh, it really does. It really does. Bless her. Maybe it's just not a cup of tea.

Is it? I don't want to get too detailed. It's very difficult. Is it like noticeably hairy? What, my personal? Is it like a rabbit's tail? If you were to run on all fours naked away, would we see the hair like a rabbit's tail?

Why don't next time you just say... Let me get up my pictures. Are they a take a picture place? No, they're not a take a picture place. I find it absurd that they would take a picture of your most intimate area. No, because I've had the pictures of the back and the... No!

The arse. That's just really asking for a cloud hack, isn't it? I'm not. Absolutely no. No picture evidence. Right. Do you think next time you could be like, hey, I think maybe last time you didn't go far enough

and just kind of gesture? Yeah. Gesture? Yeah, I think I just... I'm just going to work out the language. My fiance thought I had a tail. Yeah. Not like a long, not like a monkey tail, a short bob tail.

Yeah, right. Oh, bless her. But yeah, they'll be open to that. Yeah, perhaps. I just need to find the right sentence and then I'll give you an update in four weeks' time as to whether or not. Okay.

Maybe she can't go all the way west in one go. Yeah, she's not a Westie. Maybe she ran out of laser. It's only so much that machine can do. Yeah, she's not a Westie. Maybe she ran out of laser. It's only so much that machine can do. Yeah, maybe the machine got freaked out. Maybe I do need a photo to realise why she didn't want to do it.

Maybe she didn't think that it needed... See, this is what I thought. You know, that it was not that it was so bad that she didn't want to go there, but she was like... Doesn't need it. Doesn't need it. Did she go, and then smack and go, boyfect. She went, chef's piss.

Yeah, no need to go back there. No need to go any further west. 14 past 8. From that, next we're going to be talking about something you should be chucking in the fridge This is from a

Sommelier Sommelier Sommelier Sommelier Sommelier A what? I'll tell you what that word means next Play

ZM's Fletch Vaughan And Hayley That word I was trying to say before Sommelier They're the wine expert. Oh, okay.

Is it a French or? Flash restaurants have them. Oh, okay. And you can ask to speak to them, so I'm told. Would I be able to grab, oh, here's the drinks list. Would I be able to grab a quick word with the?

Sommelier. Sommelier. The restaurants I go to with laminated menus, I don't think they have those. Yeah, right. I highly recommend, there's a documentary called Somme, if you haven't watched it,

and it's about the process of becoming a sommelier, and it is insane. So you could bring in any random bottle of wine now, and they'd be able to tell you the region, what year, the grapes. Wow. If it was a plain year. Cask or screw top bottle. Cork or plastic. Yeah. It's incredible. If it was a plain in there. Car score, screw top bottle. Cork or plastic.

Yeah. Right, they do tell you a lot. Well, it's one of these jokers that said it's about time New Zealand got on board with refrigerating red wine. Oh. Yeah. Finally, some backup. Thank you. See, in winter, I like a room temperature red.

But I'm not adverse to a chilled, not a fully chilled. I love a cold Pinot Noir. Same. I read wine. How cold though? Ice cold. I'd go ice cold. You'd go ice cold?

Yeah. In summer. The first time I ever tried it, I was in Pisa. With the tower. I was looking at the tower and I sat down in a restaurant and I ordered a little,

what are they called? Quattrolito. You know, those little like carafe of wine. Oh, little mini carafe. The ones where you're like, oh yeah, I'll get a carafe. And then they bring it out and you're like, that's not a carafe.

That's not enough. Quattrolito. New Zealanders are like, this is not big enough. I want the whole bottle. It's too big. So I ordered a pasta and this quattrolito of red wine and it came out and it was chilled and frosty. And I was like, they've made a terrible mistake.

And I was like, I can't be bothered and I don't know the language so I'll just drink it. Changed my life. I wept. I wept because I was looking at the Leaning Tower of Pisa and I couldn't believe my luck. But the wine helped. Did you get one of the photos where you pretended to push? No, because I was travelling on my own and I was too embarrassed.

I had a selfie stick and I was like, here's the tower. That was that. One hand on the selfie stick One hand holding up the tower But it's delicious Another article I found Said that If you drink a red and it feels like

To compare it to music If you're drinking a red And you can only taste one aspect of it Think of the refrigerator as an equaliser where it will allow you to enjoy the entire band. Wow. I'm not that sophisticated. But it would be a good thing to do with like cheap red.

Does it make yucky stuff taste nicer? Maybe. Because my mum's trick is if she doesn't like wine, she just puts lemonade in it. If she doesn't like white wine, she just pours lemonade in it. Or Coke? Yeah, red wine and Coke. That's a South African thing, isn't it?

Yeah, it's delicious. Is it really? This is also reminding me of when Aaron and I were at university, we used to get this thing called crimson rose. It was a crimson rose. It was so pink and so sweet. And we used to stick it in the Crimson Rose. It was a Crimson Rose. It was so pink and so sweet. And we used to stick it in the microwave and we'd have it hot.

What, like in winter, like a mulled wine? Yeah, but just more basic. Microwave. But we'd microwave it and it was like a sweet, deep pink. Like a cough syrup. Yeah, basically. Hot cough syrup. I don't know what the brand was.

Yeah, Crimson Rose. It was delicious. Well, there you go. Well, I would like to hear the brand was. Yeah, Crimson Rosé. It was delicious. Well, there you go. Well, I would like to hear the sommelier's thoughts on microwaving. Microwaved Crimson Rosé. $10 Rosé. I can't imagine there'd be... I don't know that they'd give that the tick.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's fact of the day is Botox is named after sausage. What? Botox is named after sausage. Carry on, Do carry on. The Latin word for sausage is botulus.

Oh, okay. That's sausage. And that is where the word Botox comes from. Is it because the skin casing is so tight? No. It's because in 18th century Germany, there was a mass sausage poisoning. Oh, goodness. One group of people, 13 people, ate from the same large sausage.

Now, that sausage had- How big was this sausage? Very big sausage. Okay. Very big sausage. And six of them died. Why? 13 people fell ill.

Wow. And it was identified that the poison that was doing it was, you know, that was present. They tested it. And he's like, well, it came from the sausage. I'm going to name it after the Latin word for sausage. And I'll call it botulus. Now, that turned out to be botulism, which is where Botox is derived from. Right. God, you don't want the term botched

too close to the word Botox. No, you don't. You're botched. You're botched. Botched. Nope, I'm just going to give up entirely. Keep going. So when you get botulism, you get respiratory failure, muscular weakness,

gastroenterological spasms, reduction of saliva, secretion, reduction of sweating, and that is one of the reasons why you can get Botox in your armpits if you've got particularly sweaty pits. Yeah, right. Because it affects those glands in a way that it reduces sweating. It was initially, what would be the verb to make something for medical purpose? To medicine-ized?

Medicine-ized. Medicine-ized. Medical-ized. Medical-ized. Okay. Weapon-ized for medicine purposes for people who had burns. Because if you were recovering from burns, they would inject the muscle, and the muscle wouldn't move stretching the skin.

It would give the skin a chance to repair itself and get back a natural elasticity before it would do it itself. Once it wore off, you'd be able to move it again. And then someone's like, well, we could inject this into our foreheads. Into our face to remove wrinkles. So let's do that. So think next time you're lining up for your Botox-related injections, if it wasn't for a group of 13 Germans eating a rancid sausage,

you might still be able to move your eyebrows. Amazing. Today's fact of the day is the word for Botox comes from the Latin word for sausage. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. A New Zealander had a funny feeling in his ear. He thought it was blocked because he went swimming. It wasn't. Tried air drops, went to the doctor, and the doctor's like,

oh, yeah, no, that's not a blockage of the water variety. What you got there is a cockroach. I thought it was going to be something like, I don't know, cockroaches are the worst, eh? I don't mind a cockroach. I mean, I don't like them. You don't like moths?

I'm okay with cockroaches too because they like scuttle away real quick when you flick them or whatever. I don't want to piss them off before the nuclear holocaust though because I've got a feeling they could be very handy.

Around and growing in size. But they're everywhere in Auckland I've found. Like in our old house in West Auckland. We had them big time. West Auckland big on roaches?

Big on the roaches. The humidity, they're like a slightly more tropical environment. I prefer a slater. Yeah, right. Like growing up in the Naki, we always had lots of slaters.

Slaters tip over a log and set the slaters. Yeah, there'd always be slaters under things. Folly. Yes. Do you know what else there are in Auckland

that I don't remember there being as much of growing up? Massive slugs. Not just like a standard little wee slug. You get slugs everywhere all over the country. Yeah, but you're kind of little wee slugs. These things are like big, big slugs. Not just like a standard little wee slug. You get slugs everywhere all over the country.

Yeah, but you're kind of little wee slugs. These things are like big, big slugs. Yeah, I stood on them with a bare foot the other night. Oh, I squidged you up between the toes. Oh, I was not happy. Big slugs. I'm not slug-shaming the South Island. It sounded like you were slug-shaming the South Island.

They've got some big snails down there. Oh, yeah, they do. Look at those big old snails down there. Well, so the doctor, what gets out? Did he get out that little thing? You know that look into your, what is that? Is that just a microscope with a light? It's the original ring light.

The ring light around the end and you peer through the middle of it. But it does have like a looking glass sort of thing. Yeah, right. And so he looks in and he's like. Well, he thought initially that it was something on the eardrum. Right. Some dead skin cells. And then, yeah, yeah he on a second

look was like hold on that's kind of like attached and then the dude said when the doctor got in there with the tweezers and plucked it off he actually heard it and then has been feeling it I'm disgusted and also a little bit like yes it would be so satisfying

when he was asleep? Was the cockroach or the bug was just like, this looks warm? Yeah, I guess so. How do you not know that's happened? That would wake me up. Well, I don't know what it's like. What if you'd had a couple of bottles of wine? Oh, nothing will wake me up.

A couple of bottles. A couple of ferrets in each air hole. How did you get in there? Yeah, what a night. What if you'd had a couple of ferrets in each air hole. You're like, how did you get in there? Yeah, what a night. I woke up with a couple of ferrets living in my air holes. The other night when we were on our canoe trip, I thought I dreamed we were in an earthquake because I'd had a bottle of wine and quite a few drinks

and then woke up and saw the news that there was an earthquake and I was like, huh. But you're sure it was a dream? Well, that's why you need to switch to whiskey because I slept through that entire thing. You did sleep through the entire earthquake. But with the discovery of this cockroach and bug in this man's ear, it has triggered the first for 2022.

When have you had a bug inside you? The impossible phoner. So are you asking specifically about the ear hole or any sort of orifice? Anything that would count as inside. That's the only... Up the nose or the mouth. The nose, behind the eye. Stuck in your tonsil holes.

Under your skin. Oof. Oof. And of course, up your skin. Oof. Oof. And of course, up your bum. I just want to know how something gets in your ear and you don't notice. Yeah, it's so tight in there.

It's so weird. But it must have been like a little cockroach if the doctor couldn't look in there and immediately identify it as a baby. A real baby one. I don't know. I don't want a bar of it. All right, well, this is how it works. 0800 DARS at AM. You real baby one. I don't know. I don't want a bar of it. All right, well, this is how it works.

0800 DARS at M. You can call us. You can text as well. 9696 for the impossible phoner topic. Have you had a bug on the inside? Please be sensitive if it's an M-O-T-H, or I shall leave. And it's the impossible phone-in topic,

a topic we think is so hard that we will not get any text and calls. To be fair, every time we've done this, it has worked. Even when it's been very impossible. Yeah, it does feel like that. Bet you can't do this phone-in topic. Bet you guys don't have a story. Bet you don't. Have that. Bet you can't do this phone and top up. Bet you guys don't have a story. Bet you don't.

Have you? Bet you don't. A man had a cockroach. It just says roach. I don't know if the cockroach is a specific member of the roach family. I don't know. A roach. Okay.

In his ear. Thought he had water in his ear after going swimming, but it was a little roachy. A little wee roachy in the canal. So some messages in. Jake, does the time I had worms count? Here's the thing, I don't know if worms are an insect. They're more of a parasitic infection. Yeah, they are.

No, that doesn't count. But they do squirm around. They do squirm around. And then you get to eat the little square of chocolate that your mum has to get from the pharmacy and then you poop all the worms out. That's how the dream goes. Having kids.

It's either cooties. What are cooties called? Nits. Nits or worms. One of the ends. There's always got something going on. So we want to know if you've ever had an insect inside. Cooties What are cooties called? Nets Nets or worms One of the ends Yeah It's always got something going on So we want to know

If you've ever had An insect inside Somebody said My friend had a spider Insert all its babies into her In the sack? Don't spiders have babies in a sack? How did that

Sack of eggs? How do you not notice that? I don't know But are you now their mother? Because they've lived inside you too. You're the surrogate. Surrogate. You're the host. You're the host.

The host. You're the host. They said there's a video of him somewhere at hospital. The hospital actually videoed it on his phone and then wanted a copy for their own records as well. So you're like, there it was. When they cut open the lump and they all came out. No.

No, they did not. That's what they said. I would like to see that video. I personally would like to see that video. Don't. No, I couldn't watch that. I've seen it in one personally because I don't want to borrow that. I don't even like the big Dr. Pimple Pomper ones.

I like the little ones, but not the big. Sisty. I like the ones that keep going. Yeah. Sisty Lums. is that your drag name ladies and gentlemen next on the stage before we turn to turners good mary please welcome to the stage sissy lumps that would be a great drag name. It was. Keep on turning. Maria, good morning.

Morning, all. How are you? Misty. Sorry, I'm getting my drag names mixed up. Maria, would you come to Sissy Lump's drag performance at a local cabaret near you? I've already got tickets. Yay! Fantastic.

Sissy Lump's. I'm going to sell this venue out. Sissy Lump's. Now, to sell this venue out. Sissy Lumps. Now, Maria, what are the impossible phone and time, but we are asking the question this morning, when did you have the bug inside you? So this was only for a very brief moment, but I think it counts, and I'm really sorry, Hayley,

it was an M-O-T-H. She's in her headphones, she's bowed out. So just to set the scene, I was a mum of young kids. I had one baby on one hip and a toddler on the other, so my hands were busy. And a moth flew right up my nostril, and it lodged in there. And I was like, I completely froze. And I thought, what do I do?

I can't breathe. I can't call for help. I can't, if I throw my kids on the floor, you know, I would just. That's what you should have done. That's what I would have done. You're on your own. Any move I'd make, I thought the moth would go further up. You know, I'd go and breathe it further up my nose.

But, and I just managed to go like, and with my gut muscles and kind of push out the last bit of air I had in me, my last gasping breath kind of, and it shot it out. I was so grateful that it was out and this was like 10, 12 years ago and I still remember it

I absolutely respect your self control I'm off fluent my car once and I crashed and one went into your nostril and you didn't chuck your children on the ground yeah I'll say it, mother of the year mother of the year

finally thanks Yeah. I'll say it. Mother of the year. Don't know what to say. Mother of the year. All right, Maria. Finally. Finally. Thanks. Thanks, Hugo. We'll see you at my drag show, Sissy Lumps. Siobhan, good morning.

Good morning. Now, you're calling from the impossible phone in town, but you had a bug inside you. Gross. No, it wasn't me. It was my husband. Now, when he was little, they lived in Zimbabwe, and it gets really hot over there.

His mum put a damp cloth over his forehead and over his head just to cool him down. But that's like the perfect greeting ground for flies. So a whole lot of flies came on. They laid the eggs, and what had happened was a couple of weeks later, my husband, when he was a kid, had a whole lot of bumps over his head. And I thought, oh, maybe they're just itchy bites.

Flies had actually laid the eggs beneath the skin. Did you hear the phone lines even vomiting? Yeah, sparks like, not today! Cut her off! Yeah. That is disgusting. That's pretty disgusting. But they had to cut them out.

They had to go to the doctor. He got lanced. He got lanced. Oh, my God. How do you carry on after that? I've seen the videos online of those. Are they bot flies? Are they the flies? Yeah, and they get the videos online of those. Are they bot flies? Are they the flies?

Yeah, and they get the thing under your skin. Siobhan, thank you for sharing our messages in. I had a white-tailed spider bite the inside of my lip, which by proxy means it was inside my mouth at some stage. It was inside, yeah. You can't administer a bite from the outside of the lip. It still had to have been inside. Still would have had to have been inside. Yeah. Still would have had

to have been inside. Yeah. Some of them are really, some of these are really gross. Really gross. Same thing happened with the fly, but it was with spiders.

They thought they had itchy bites and the doctor was like, why is it wiggling? Oh, that's like a horror movie. You are excused because this is some

M-O-T-H heavy content. I was taking off the headphones. You can take off your headphones and just block your ears. Somebody said that they once found their kit when their baby had learnt to crawl. They were like, what's in your mouth? And they went and they pulled it out. It was like a giant moth. You've just joined us at the wrong time.

I just came back in because you've got such a booming voice for radio. I could hear you even when I was coming in. I was sitting on the couch inside and a moth just absolutely tucked its wings in and burrowed straight into my ear. Flew in, flew in, got right in there. I feel like people are just really adding the moth stories to antagonise you. I'm just going to cry. They had to pull it out with tweezers.

It was still alive and flapping around. Far out. The first impossible finding. I've got the best for last Far out. The first impossible finding. Oh no, no more. I've got, save the best for last, baby. Okay, the best. I was naked sunbathing.

Might have nodded off. Woke up. I had ants in my fanny. You did save the best for last. How did ants get in there? Ants in your... Sugar. I mean, take the compliment.

Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, it's always a myth that Tuesday is the cheapest day to book flights. And that's out of the US. This latest news story comes to us from the UK, which is saying the cheapest day to book a flight

Is not Tuesday But Sunday Father's Day Sure Sunday I would think that would be a busy day Because everyone's sort of like lounging around Doing nothing on their computers

So everyone's on there I always thought Monday Because you know everyone always like grab a seat Or Air New Zealand or Jetstar or whatever. Don't they always have their or Jetstar is that a Friday? They always have their big kind of sales come out. No you do three Jetstar jumps and it'll just

automatically recognise it. It just appears on the website. So Sunday's booking day. They're saying in the UK that is the best day to book a flight. We should be asking the travel agents. They'll tell us, wouldn't they? God, they'd love to answer the phone.

Hasn't rung for a while. Well, just even with a call that's not asking for a refund, it'd probably be quite nice for them. Yeah, I'm still waiting for one of mine. I was a star travel gal from 2020, and you know they went bust. Oh, really? Star travel, STA. Yeah, student.

It's STA travel. You're not a student. It's STA. Travel. STA. Yeah, student. The cheap one. It's STA Travel. You're not a student. It's STA. You say STA. You don't say Star. STA. Yeah.

Nah. You don't say Star Travel. Right. Star Travel. Star Travel. Star Travel. But yeah, they owe me thousands. So Skyscanner is a website.

They say that booking, they've done research back to 2019. Pre-pandemic, they found that Sunday was typically the cheapest day to book your flight and flying out on a Friday would usually help keep costs low. Right. I feel like you're telling us the UK, though. We aren't there. I know. We're here.

Let's go to the UK, though. I feel like the big sales are always on Monday. I wouldn't have seen those Omicron numbers through the roof. Omicron, am I saying that right? I don't care about this variant. I feel like it big sales are always on Monday. I wouldn't have seen those Omicron numbers through the roof. Omicron, am I saying that right? I don't care about this variant. I feel like it's a placeholder. Right. I got too invested in saying Delta correctly,

and look at that now. It's just a distant memory. What do you mean Delta correctly? How else can you say Delta? Delta? Delta. Delta. D-L-T-A?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, I think you can set a Google Flights alert when it gets to as cheap as you want to pay. Can you? Doesn't Skyscanner just find you the cheapest one anyway? Yeah, you can do that.

You can set an alert if you want to go somewhere in a price range, and then it will alert you when it's in that. So it's probably the best thing to do any day of the week. Let's go to Venice. Why Venice? It's Venice. Why Venice? It's beautiful. Why Venice?

It's not a weekend away though, is it? Why not? No. No, it's not. Two week quarantine each side. Yeah. Do you have to quarantine

when you get there? Yeah, you do. But in Italy, because my parents frequent Italy, they're at home. Oh, right. At home inside for two weeks. So if you had four weeks leave,

you'd get there, quarantine, and then fly back in quarantine. Yeah, right, okay. At home inside for two weeks. So if you had four weeks leave, you'd get there, quarantine, and then fly back in quarantine. Yeah, but you could order all the beautiful Italian off the... Or just go to somewhere and get whatever you're getting on, Italian herbs and cheese. Yeah, the oregano. That's pretty much as good as being there. Yeah.

Just as good.