ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 18th May 2022
Episode Date: May 17, 2022Superhero Stance Yummy Yummy! Top 6: Hospitals He'peating Filters Good Good Bad Good When did you make a citizens arrest? Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/li...stener for privacy information.
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For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions.
Heroin creates its own market.
It acts like a form of play.
Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down.
Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head,
and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her.
This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History.
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Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.
Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast.
Thanks to McCafe, grab any size McCafe coffee for only $4 conditions apply.
Why are you on your phone like that?
I've got a message
From somebody
And I feel like we need to do
A pre-emptive podcast apology
For something Hayley says
During the show today
Oh no
I hate to offend people
It wasn't even me
I thought it was going to be
The tubby vegetarian comment
Okay well Vaughn
Vaughn says something
Very problematic
Well no but
Why is it problematic?
In Vaughn's defence
he was talking about
manatees
which are
tubby vegans.
Voluptuous.
Voluptuous.
Tubby vegans.
I suppose elephants as well.
Fat vegans.
Yeah, tubby little fucks.
Yeah.
Elephants and manatees.
Now you are only
talking about manatees
so please don't
I don't feel there's
a need to apologise
or cancel Vaughn.
Whereas you never see
a fat carnivore, do you?
You look pretty lean.
Pretty lean.
Praying machine.
Actually, there am I.
I still need to go see the T-Rex skeleton.
Yes, me too.
Have you been yet?
No, but I don't want COVID so it can wait.
In Wellington?
No, there's one at the Auckland Museum.
It was only in Wellington?
No.
I think it's going to Wellington.
I believe so.
You're thinking of the giant Gallipoli people
at Te Papa. Oh, that is what I'm thinking of. They're just trying to figure out
how to get the T-Rex from
the airport to
the museum on a fixed-geared bike.
Yeah, gosh. Because they've also got
a couple of long blacks on the go. So what am I
apologising for? Well,
and now I did hear it at the time, but
for the sake of the radio show's
momentum, I let it go.
All right.
You referred to today, Wednesday, being a hump day.
Hump day.
Did you notice this?
Again, as a momentum gatherer, I also let it go.
And Josh messages Jen saying, come on, pull her up on it.
Yeah.
Because we famously do not like Wednesday being referred to as a hump day.
I hate any day of the week being given a nickname.
Thank God it's Friday.
TGIF Thursday.
But you've got to admit, fuck off.
What about Taco Tuesday?
You want Taco Tuesday.
I'm actually only for Taco Tuesday.
Because that's food.
That's food based.
And we do Bun Me Monday and Bun Me Friday.
You've given those titular.
You're confusing food I love with people saying it's like,
we're over the hump now.
Okay.
It's the hump day.
But give me, you've got to be honest.
There's big hump energy in the studio today.
There was hump energy.
There was hump energy, and I was just calling it thus,
but now I know.
Never to say it again.
I will just call it Wednesday.
Yeah, Wednesday.
Thank you.
Wednesday. As God intended. Thank you. Wednesday.
As God intended.
As God.
I hate to go against the Lord.
Creator of the seven-day Gregorian calendar.
Yes, indeed.
He did.
He wants it called Wednesday.
Right.
Well, see if you can spot it.
See if you can spot it, listener.
Yeah.
And happy hump day.
Yeah.
Thank you, Lee.
Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.
Happy Humps Day. I was just telling Hayley before you got into work, Vaughan, that I
ran into Wendy Petrie in the kitchen. Oh yes, she's... She was looking for milk, but I only
had blue top and she's a light blue. Oh my God, don't reveal that Wendy Petrie drinks
cow milk. That surprises me. That surprises me. my God, don't reveal that Wendy Petrie drinks cow milk.
That surprises me.
That surprises me.
If you said to me, Wendy Petrie drinks milk, what kind?
I would say green or light blue.
Yeah.
Light blue, what is light blue?
Light blue is junk.
It's in between trim and blue, isn't it?
Yeah.
I think it's just more water, less water than trim.
Is green got less than light blue?
What's the difference between light and trim?
I always thought the fatty order was
Not fatty like people who drink it
Fatty like fatty content of the milk
Blue
Yeah, light blue
Dark blue
Green
Light blue
Wait, wait, wait
Silver
Silver's right at the top
Silver blue
What the hell is silver?
Nobody's got full cream
It's like the cat's cream.
The cat's meow.
Oh, yum.
It's what old boys drink.
My dad doesn't
because he just drinks
the milk straight from the cows.
But if he was to drink,
not straight from the tip.
Yeah, she lies on his back.
He gets it out of his back.
But if he was to drink
purchased milk,
I feel like it'd be silver.
So silver blue,
light blue, green.
I always thought silver, blue, green, light blue, light green.
No.
Fat content in milk.
No, you're wrong.
You're so wrong.
How can you be so wrong?
Son of a dairy farmer.
Honestly, I stopped drinking milk maybe like 10 years ago,
and now it seems like such a foreign concept to ever have milk.
Son of a dairy farmer sounds like a polite way of saying son of a bitch.
You son of a dairy farmer.
I'm a son of a dairy farmer.
You've stopped drinking milk.
I stopped drinking milk years ago. That's what's wrong with you, mate.
That's your gut problem.
I need more milk.
Get into a bit of milk.
I don't know.
The internet doesn't even know what all of the fat content of milk goes in.
I will do some white.
Oh, my God.
Jared, producer Jared said there's a purple top.
I thought purple top was.
Is that a brand specific?
Oh, that's full fat milk.
And then dark blue.
Then light blue.
Then dark green.
And then light green.
Semi-skim.
And then yellow.
Oh, my. No, yellow is calci trim. Semi-skim. And then yellow. Oh, my.
No, yellow's calci trim.
Yellow's calci trim.
It's got the same as green, but it's boosted in calci.
My family was a yellow.
We were a calci trim.
Calci trim.
Before kids, we were calci trim.
But now the kids just drink so much milk.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That, and we just buy the cheap ones.
Well, I think we've overlooked the fact that Wendy Petrie's out of milk.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where's Wendy Petrie working?
I think she's upstairs with the hosk. So she even came downstairs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's Wendy Petrie working? I think she's upstairs
with the hosk.
So she even came downstairs.
Oh, she came down
to the common people.
I would have spotted,
I would have picked her
as an almond or an oat.
Yeah.
Or even a cassia.
Not a soy.
Oh, gosh, she's not a soy girl.
She's off the soy.
She's got more respect
for herself than that.
She's off the soy.
She's got more respect
for herself and your coffee,
doesn't it?
Yeah.
It's like miso soup.
Yeah, it really is.
Oh, yum.
Coming up on the show, our retro petrol time machine,
8 o'clock this morning, another chance for you to win cash.
Me?
Not you, no, I was speaking generically to the listener.
Oh, bugger.
It's just because you were looking at me and I got excited
that I was going to win cash today.
The top six on the way.
Blue.
Vaughan, let it go.
Let it go, Vaughan.
I'm going to get
a definitive list of this.
I'm not counting A2
or zero lactose.
People aren't even
drinking milk anymore.
We're just going blues.
Okay, yeah.
I mean the giant section
of milk at the supermarket
would tend to disagree
with that comment.
No, people don't drink milk.
Let's do that as a phoner today.
Do you still drink milk?
Do you do traditional milk? That's a great salatil pol. Do you do drink milk? Let's do that as a phoner today. Do you still drink milk? Do you do traditional milk?
That's a great silly little poll.
Do you do beef milk?
I heard it described as beef milk the other day, and I laughed.
I think it was on a TV show.
Oh, I'll just have coffee with beef milk.
Correct.
And funny.
And very funny.
Beef milk reminds me of when you cook m you cook mints And they're like milky
That's a juice
The top six is on the way
Yeah Lower Hospital
Has been
Do they call it yellow stick it
Or
It's prone to earthquake damage
And obviously you can't have
A building full of sick people
Being prone to earthquakes In one And obviously you can't have a building full of sick people being prone to earthquakes
in one of our most earthquake-prone cities.
So I've got the top six other buildings in Lower Hutt
that would make great temporary hospitals.
Do you remember that time we booked us in that hotel
that was earthquake-stickered
and it was an absolute shithole
and it was whistling through the window?
Yeah.
It had that glittery asbestos ceiling.
Oh no.
It definitely had asbestos throughout the rest of the building and it had a certificate
in the foyer that said this building will be destroyed in 2027, if not beforehand, by
an earthquake.
All right.
Top six coming up.
ZM.
Play.
ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.
I don't feel like I'm the right person to share this news
because I have truly, for a marching girl and a pianist,
the worst posture.
Like, if I truly relax, I'm like a crescent moon.
To pianists, yeah, piano, you have to sit like this
because it's all about the angle of your elbow.
So when you go like this, your elbow's going.
So you're going to be like that.
Because I was doing my taxes last night.
A little bit late.
Sexy.
But then I checked my outgoing emails.
This is how few emails I sent.
I went to my send items and just went, scroll.
These are my last year's accounts that I sent to the accountant.
Yeah.
And I got such sore wrists.
I said to shut out in a gel pad.
You're waking up with sore arms and doing manual labour.
Dead arms.
Then you do, what do you call it, sedentary work.
Yeah, and I get carpal tunnel.
So, like, are you cut out for anything other than talking?
Apparently not.
Nah.
Got a bloody good voice on you.
Oh, thank you.
And some hot takes.
Even then, I've got to limit my hot takes. Yeah, you've got to limit you. And some hot takes. Even then
I've got to limit my hot takes.
I don't want to exhaust myself.
Will you be careful?
We've all got terrible posture. Well, no, yours is pretty
good, Fletch. Thank you. Pretty good.
But they say,
you know when people are like, stand up straight.
Have a bit of confidence in yourself.
It's correct. And apparently
standing up straight
and having a more dominant, upright,
and they say superhero-like posture
makes you feel more confident
and releases like happy hormones.
I was told this.
You listen to, somebody said,
whatever you find like truly inspirational,
but the old Superman theme from, you know,
I've got the John Williams theme here.
You apparently put that on.
If you're going into a job interview.
Yeah.
Like before you do it, you find, you know, the bathroom,
arrive a little bit early, find the bathroom, hop into a cubicle,
pop the headphones on.
Yeah.
It makes you feel pretty good. It makes you feel pretty good.
It makes you feel pretty good.
But that's what they say, that you should practice power posing.
So if you're feeling a little bit insecure, not sure of yourself,
nervous, anxious, going into somewhere, have a little power pose.
Are they going to hire you, though, when you're standing in their office
with your Superman pose, with your undies over your...
Your legs spread and undies over your pants.
Undies over your suit pants
yeah
imagine if they didn't have
like a cubicle available
so you just like
went into the janitor's cupboard
yeah
and you're using those
rolls of blue cloth
as like a cape
on the back
and then they walk in
and you're like
you don't hear them
because you get your headphones
and you listen to Superman
things on so loud
it makes you feel more
self confident
and gives you like
more strength.
You could use it all the time.
You're definitely going to need a little alone room to do this thing
because you look like an idiot, don't you?
I'd always think you'd want to like, maybe not so much with rock bands
because you're about to go out there and the opening song
is going to be the thing that hypes you up.
Yeah, yeah.
If you were a stand-up comedian and you were about to go into
like a massive sold-out arena,
you've got to hit it with a bit of punch, and it's all on you.
The same with your solo performers like Ed Sheeran and stuff.
Yeah.
Pre-hype.
I would use it.
The music helps, for sure.
Yeah.
That's why comedians, boxers and all that, they walk out to a tune.
Do you have a movie theme that you can remember that would hype you up?
Anything by John Williams who's done Star Wars and a multitude of movie soundtracks.
Mine would be...
He did this one, the Superman thing.
A Lord of the Rings.
Oh, yeah.
Because it's epic, isn't it?
It's epic.
It's epic.
Or to be fair, any Hans Zimmer.
Bit of Hans?
Bit of Hans.
Full drama, full strings. Yeah, right. Hans here. Hans knows his, any Hans Zimmer. Bit of Hans? Bit of Hans. You know, full drama, full strings.
Yeah, right.
Hans here.
Hans knows his stuff.
Hans Zimmer.
To be fair though, when I do stand-up comedy,
my walkout song is Rasputin by Boney M.
Oh yeah, what a song.
It gets the crowd pumping and clapping.
Is it okay to do at the moment, given that he was...
I haven't done stand-up for a good eight or so months.
He was a Russian folk hero, wasn't he?
Oh, yeah.
But he was also sleeping with, like, the Russian top dog's wife.
Yeah, got it, yeah.
So there's a little bit of, like, Russian rebel there,
and there are, you know, the Russian rebels kind of standing against Putin at the moment.
Eyes of flaming gold.
Well, there you go.
If you've got a job interview today or something you need to amp yourself up for.
Put on a banger churn
and just stand,
spread your legs
and stand tall.
Superhero pose.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Yummy, yummy.
Yummy, yummy is a segment of the show
where we take a look
at new food items,
trends and products
hitting New Zealand shelves.
And today, something you're very excited about, Hayley.
You've got a bag of them.
It ticks a lot of my boxes.
It is the Fabulous Grape Sherbet Crunch by RJ's.
So you know the, like, well, they did these.
They did them in like a sour
green
apple
sherbet fizz
you know it's like
a licorice-ish tube
with sherbet-y
fizzy stuff in it.
Yeah I'm familiar
with the raspberry ropes.
Oh yeah.
Sherbet fizz
with added crunch.
I don't like them.
Now you saw
a pack of these
online last night
and you got very excited.
Yeah.
Little did you know
producer Jared
had a bag at home.
I know. Thank you Jared. Th. Yeah. Little did you know producer Jared had a bag at home. I know.
Thank you, Jared.
Thumbs up.
I mean,
I'm going to say
straight out the gate
I whiffed the bag
and it's got that
artificial grape flavour.
Like Hubba Bubba.
Do you like an artificial
grape flavour?
I don't like...
Nah, not for me.
Try it.
It's so full on.
It's yum.
Yummy, yummy.
You're not going to have one,
are you, Fletch? No. No. You're too going to have one, are you, Fletch?
No, no.
You're too good to have.
Because if you have a bad treat now, it derails the whole day.
No, we're actually going to talk about this later.
We are going to talk about this later.
You need to derail the whole day.
It tastes exactly...
This is yuck.
It tastes exactly what you think it'll taste like.
Yuck.
Artificial grape.
Wow.
Vord is actually spitting that in the bin. It's not your cup of tea? Not at all. Yuck. Artificial grape. Wow. Vord is actually spitting that in the bin.
It's not your cup of tea?
Not at all.
Yuck.
I don't even like there.
I don't even like any licorice-y thing.
Oh, I love licorice.
I love a licorice.
But I wouldn't call that licorice.
It's straight up candy.
It's candy rolled into a rope, stuffed with other candy,
and inside the candy stuffing is crunchy candy.
What is the crunch
i know it's like yeah but not no i just rather have nerds i love a box of nerds nerds crazy because it's just melted sugar and color is that's just what all lollies are no i know but nerds
nerds are just there's something different about yeah i haven't had a, but nerds... Nerds are just sugar rocks. There's something different about nerds.
Yeah.
I haven't had a box of nerds forever.
Do they still have boxes of nerds?
Yeah.
With like the two different compartments?
The two different compartments.
And then you like open them up and you lip the neck of the nerd thing.
Yeah.
And the box gets all soggy and falls apart and they start to mix together.
They just always remind me of the hot pools.
Nerds.
Because at the Opal Springs hot pools in Matamata,
that was the only time we ever had nerds because they had nerds in the shop.
And our grandparents used to take us to the hot pools.
Yeah.
And then on the way out, we'd always get a box of nerds.
You know how something's always in your childhood if it's heavily associated to a place?
Like, if I didn't smell nerds, I'd be back at those Opal Hot Springs.
Yeah.
Watching teenagers kiss.
Oh, God, you pissed.
I was a pissy little kid that had come up out of the water
like a couple of metres away and been like...
Back down.
I'm a big fan of nerd ropes.
Oh, yeah.
That's my vibe.
Good stuff.
That's a little grapey.
But so a pass from you and a fail from you
Vaughn. It's a semi-pass. I won't be buying
a bag. It's a fail from me but I was never
really expecting anything
anyway. I was never on the team. It's not like I've turned
my back on them. I just don't like anything like that.
Alright.
I feel like I'm going to read
this and it's going to make me panic.
So
I feel like I'm already too read this and it's going to make me panic. Because, so, I feel like I'm already too late in this.
So they've released a lifestyle specialist, health and well-being specialist,
has stated the healthy habits that women need to start depending on their age.
So depending on what decade you're in.
What about us?
Can we do some of these?
I'm sure this would be helpful for you,
but I imagine that this wellness person.
Just take a back seat, male.
This is about females.
Not everything needs to be male-centric in this male-centric world.
I also think.
You've got an ally in me.
An ally.
You're an ally.
You've got an ally in me.
I also think that this wellness expert would just assume
that men won't pay attention to this.
Right.
And you guys grow more sort of handsome the more rugged you get.
Thank you.
The more weathered you get.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't mean you.
You've got like porcelain skin.
You could do with a little bit of UV damage.
Okay, so if you're in your 20s, this is what you need to be starting now.
Now, I've left my 20s.
Okay.
This is too late.
You'd never know.
Sunscreen.
Okay.
Sunscreen.
That's a biggie.
That's the number one thing in your 20s.
It'll stop your skin from, you know, hanging off your cheekbones later on in life.
Are you noticing some friends that didn't sunscreen in their 20s and 30s
and now you're just like, oh, you should have been.
You should have been.
Hell yeah, they look like a blimmin' Prada purse.
Like a leather crocodile purse.
They look like your frog.
They look like your frog.
A little frog pouch.
They also say the 20s is the decade to take ownership of your health.
So every birthday in your 20s,
treat yourself to a physical with your GP.
What's a physical?
A full check.
A thingy in the bum.
I don't think we get a thingy in the bum.
Full check. It's the full check up, right?
Full check. Blood, the full check up.
Your paps, your baps.
Bloods, everything. Your nads.
Your nads. Have a skin check.
Stop making this about men again.
Some women have nads. Get your nads
checked, I suppose.
Your skin checked. Get a mole map.
Yep. I guess if you're using, and then that kind of align yeah. Your skin checked, get a mole map. Yeah.
I guess if you're using,
and then that kind of aligns with your sunblock.
And a regular trip to the dentist.
Vaughn's mouth.
Well, yeah, but don't make this about. This is for women.
This is for women.
This is for women.
This doesn't count.
Okay, so male teeth are different.
You said the grosser we look, the better,
I think you said just before.
Yeah, I don't think I meant dental health,
but that's all right.
So that's your 20s.
Go to the doctor, wear sunscreen, get your teeth checked,
and have a mole map.
In your 30s.
Oh, was it just your 20s?
God, that was a lot.
Oh, I know.
Well, we've got to be looking good our whole life.
When you compare your 20s to that list, how do you do?
Yeah, like goons, like drink a goon a weekend is not in there.
I didn't wear sunscreen in my 20s, but I'm wearing it in my 30s, so better late than
never.
Your 30s nutrition is the key in this decade.
Most women are preparing for penyiki.
Not me.
But some people are.
Also, the 30s is when you can't just have all those snacks.
You know, your metabolism slowed down.
Yeah, it does start to slow down.
Also, like, I mean, a lot of people do have babies in their 20s and 30s.
So afterwards, you get a lot of depletion in nutrients, I guess, in your body.
So you need to be replacing those and changing your diet based on that.
It's all about diet, not dieting, but nutrition.
What you eat.
What you eat, the quality of what you eat.
Also, minimizing stress because in your 30s typically is when your career is booming
and you might be busy with family and career in your 30s.
So things like minimizing caffeine, don't drink coffee on an empty stomach,
and yeah, try to minimize stress in your 30s.
Okay.
So far not nailing any of these.
I don't drink caffeine, but I do drink stress.
Your 40s, I hate to say it, your liver.
Oh, okay.
You've got to start paying attention to your liver.
That includes minimising alcohol intake in your 40s.
That's because you've spent your 20s and 30s punishing it with wine.
Pickling yourself, exactly.
And eating healthy whole foods to replenish the liver.
It's all about the liver in your forties.
Not so, oh my God.
Yeah, healthy liver can help with things like night sweats,
hot flushes, headaches and irritability.
So start reducing alcohol, refined sugar and trans fats.
Okay.
Boring.
Your fifties. By now in your fifties, your bodies have changed in so many ways. alcohol, refined sugar and trans fats. Okay. Boring. Your 50s.
By now in your 50s, your bodies have changed in so many ways that...
You've given up?
No, you haven't given up.
Oh.
Walking.
Oh, yeah, okay.
So you don't want to be doing your heavy blimmin', you know,
100 kg deadlifts anymore maybe in your 50s.
There are some old mates at our gym that would be like
50s or 60s
and they're just so ripped
and do weights
and everything, eh?
I know.
It's crazy.
So you want to
lift weights
but lift lighter weights
as you get older
and go for walks.
Probably maybe start
some aqua jogging.
Some aqua jogging.
Great for the joints.
Great for the joints, yeah.
And great for a catch up
with the gals.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Probably pop into the cafe at the swim center.
Get a mocha and a slice.
Yeah.
Oh, I shouldn't do a slice.
Oh, you're in your 50s.
No, you're 40s.
You don't want to do a slice.
I shouldn't be doing that anymore.
From the yummy ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six.
Good morning.
The Hurtunga block of Hutt Hospital contains the children's ward,
the maternity wing, the coronary care unit,
and other wards and services.
210 bed spaces, 25% of the physical capacity of the Hutt,
Kenipuru, and Wellington hospitals.
And guess what?
It's earthquake prone.
This is not surprising.
That building has been dodgy since I was a child.
For sure.
It looks very brutalist in concrete, doesn't it?
Yes, it does.
What do you call that architecture style?
Ugly.
It makes me think of like Soviet.
Yeah.
Soviet era Russia where everything was just built out of concrete and like hard.
Slab.
Slab, hard building.
Services will be relocated from the building, but not immediately.
No.
So good luck.
Yeah.
It's crazy how many like buildings were earthquake prone
and it wasn't until, you know, the last 10 years.
Yeah.
The spate of earthquakes
that made New Zealand
wake up to the fact
that we are literally
a country built on a fault line.
You look at the fault line.
From top to bottom, baby.
To make us be like,
oh, no, that one.
No, not that one.
Not that one.
Not that one.
So I have decided
to take it upon myself.
You're a problem solver,
Vaughan Smith.
I've always said that about you. I'm a problem causer. Yeah. But I'm're a problem solver, Vaughan Smith. I've always said that about you.
I'm a problem causer, but I'm also a problem solver.
I just don't solve my own problems that I cause.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm sitting about even because I solve as many as I cause,
but the ones I cause I don't touch again.
So the top six, buildings in the heart that would make a good temporary hospital.
Okay.
Number six, St. James Anglican Church on Woburn Road.
Right.
Good church.
Apparently when it was designed
in 1953,
wildly outrageous
compared to the usual
conservative Anglican churches.
Yeah, right.
It's big.
Okay.
We could definitely
borrow that.
It's what Jesus would have wanted.
He would have wanted it.
By the way,
you were in my prayers
last night, Fletch.
I did a lot of praying for Fletch last night.
Oh, piss off.
I had people messaging me saying, just sending you some hopes and prayers.
I'm like, they don't do anything.
Nothing's wrong with Fletch, but we just keep him in your prayers.
Oh, piss off.
Keep Fletch in your prayers.
Listen, James Anglican Church is a very famous church in Lower Hutt.
I've done many a piano recital there as a young child.
Was it designed acoustically?
Did you ever play the organ?
I can't play the organ, no.
But do you want like a maternity ward in an acoustic church?
It'd be quite nice.
Yeah.
Distract you from the pain.
Echoing around.
Number five on the list of the top six places in the heart
that would make a good
Temporary hospital
Are Fraser Park sports grounds
Oh yeah
Oh okay
27
Oh shut the
Shut the tab
27 hectares I think
Oh lots of room
What are you thinking
All the sports happen there
Tents
Are you thinking lots of tents
Yeah field hospital baby
Okay yeah right
World War I
World War II
Yeah
I mean even recently
There's been field hospitals with COVID.
Yeah.
We could totally do a field hospital.
Or containers, get some containers in there.
Yeah.
I feel like, I don't know how many rugby fields there are.
I feel like there's always too many rugby fields.
They could lose a field.
Yeah, lose a field or two.
Yeah.
Okay.
Number four on the list of the top six places in the hut
that would make a good temporary hospital.
You'll correct me if I'm saying this wrong.
Hut, local,
Hayley Sproul, the Dowse Art Museum.
Dowse. Dowse Art Museum.
Yeah. It's a goodie.
It's a goodie, but...
But do you want sick people in there?
We'll take the art out. Oh, right.
Oh, you're going to take the art? Chuck the art in the bin.
No one does art do for anything.
The art could be healing for people when they're sick.
Yeah, that's what I think.
Give them some art to take home when they complete their treatments.
Sure.
Here, you have a sculpture.
I don't want a sculpture.
How am I going to get this home?
Take the sculpture.
How am I going to get this home?
Number three on the list of the top six places in the hut that would make a good temporary hospital,
the Wainuiomata Dump.
Oh, okay.
It's in your space.
Yeah.
We'll just bulldoze it out, level it,
and then just build a new one on top.
Is that what you mean?
Chuck a hospital on top.
Yeah, okay.
It stinks, though.
But hospitals kind of stink.
Yeah.
Well, they enough disinfectant.
It'll clear out the stink of the dump.
Okay.
I don't know if it's still the case,
but I remember pre-Google Maps on your phone
when you were rocking a TomTom
or a GPS, separate GPS, you know, the current Navman.
We put on Wainui Amata, centre of town, drove over the hill, took us to the dump.
It's the heart of the city.
It's the beating heart.
Part of it.
Now, the ram-running service stations are diggers.
Yeah.
Thanked.
Number two on the list of the top six places in the hut
that would make a good temporary hospital, the Glebe.
Oh, what's the Glebe?
What is the Glebe?
It's an old house.
Oh, seems a bit small.
I tried to re-Google it and it's taken me to the Glebe Apartments in Queenstown.
No, you fool.
Oldest surviving house in the Hart Valley.
Yeah.
It was born in 1856.
Oh, well, there you go.
That'll be strong if it's been around this long.
Yeah.
Yeah, a little bit drafty.
A little bit drafty, but it's a big old house.
Oh, she's gorgeous.
Victorian era.
She's been renovated.
She's been given a nice lick of paint.
So that's ready to go.
Number one on the list of the top six buildings in the heart
of the Make Good Temporary Hospitals, the Avalon TV
Studios. The robot.
The big robot building.
Is that what, the big
tall one? Yeah, it looks like a tower
because it's got like, it's like a tall skinny
tower and it's got all the satellites on its head
so it looks like a robot. Also looks very earthquake
prone too. I would be interested to know. I don't know if it is.
I would be interested to know.
I don't know if it is.
Yeah.
Definitely a few ghosts as well.
I can't believe you missed out the mall.
Queensgate.
Queensgate Mall.
Get rid of people out of Queensgate.
Get rid of the stores.
Oh, we could do that.
Get rid of Hannah's.
That could be the maternity ward.
Hannah's.
Yeah, we don't need a Hannah's anymore.
Well, no, they can still come back or be somewhere else.
I can't believe Hannah's is this.
They can use the sock kiosk. anymore. Well, no, they can still come back or be somewhere else. They, um,
they can use the sock chaos.
Yeah.
As a sort of a reception area.
Yeah, good idea.
Yeah, the information centre.
They've already got a bing bong.
So many options.
Get a food court,
that'd be nice.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah,
just before you pop into maternity,
get a butter chicken.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, a few more options,
that'd be nice,
wouldn't it,
at a hospital?
A few more food options.
I don't think before surgery you should have a mall curry.
I don't know if that's the best meal to be having.
Keep the surgeons on their toes.
Yeah, that's true.
Keep them on their toes.
At stomach surgery, they open you up and butter chicken just spews out everywhere
and a lovely orange.
That is today's top six.
Play.
ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.
We are having less sex than ever.
Well, speak for yourself.
And me.
But what about you, Fletch? Have you?
Yeah, I don't.
I wouldn't get that one.
We don't talk about that.
We don't?
I think let's.
Okay, in the last week, everyone say how many.
Let's not play that game.
It's Wednesday.
What are we talking from Sunday or in the last seven days?
Oh, so you had sex on Sunday.
Is that what you're including?
No.
No, I was going to say either way the answer is zero,
but I was just interested.
Well, apparently overall, we, and particularly those around 40 and under,
are having less sex than ever.
16 and above, more than their parents.
16 and above are having more than their parents,
but 40s and below, we're having less.
And so a relationship expert has given 10 tips
to getting some more sex into your life.
Is this for people in relationships or single people?
Typically aimed at relationships, but you know what I mean.
You can take them and adopt them to your fun single life.
I think single people are having more sex than people in relationships probably.
Yeah.
In general.
Okay, the first tip, listen up.
Don't bother trying to set the scene too much.
People putting too much pressure on it by like,
we're going to book a sexy hotel and, you know,
we're going to make a whole big deal out of it.
And then there's too much pressure on the thing.
And then you get to the hotel and you're like, honestly, I just want to.
Or poor Smithy eats too much at dinner if they go to a nice hotel.
Chuck on a nice fluffy white robe and no one's getting in the junk.
Yeah, you're done for the night.
Yeah, so just take it chill.
You know what I mean?
Don't put too much pressure on it.
Don't make it an occasion.
Just flop it out.
Is that what you're saying?
Just like surprise?
I think the summary of tip one is just flop it out.
My wang for your tang.
It's a little wang and tang.
Yeah, just flop it out. A wang for your tang. Yeah. It's a little wang and tang. Yeah, just flop it out.
Let's get tanged with the wang.
I don't even know if I need to read these 10 tips.
I don't think you do need to.
Just flop it out and have a wang and tang.
If you're not getting enough sex in your life, flop it out.
Flop out the wang.
At any given moment.
Point at the tang.
See what the response is.
Number two from this sexperts list.
Do have a designated night.
So if you're not even,
if you're not reaching
once a week,
be like Tuesdays,
we make love.
Wednesday,
we don't.
You know what I mean?
Have a designated night.
But then that's putting
the pressure on the hotel.
I feel like everybody's
building up to it.
Well, don't schedule it
as being like an immovable thing.
But if you go like Fridays,
we're going to make love
and if we don't,
aim for Saturday.
If we don't get to Saturday,
we'll do Sunday.
So you're saying make an all day event
on Friday in the calendar.
All day.
Sunday on.
I mean,
it's up to you if it takes all day.
Sometime on this day
kind of thing.
Right.
Okay.
They also say you can add incentives.
Like if you miss it,
you have to put some money in a jar.
We missed sex night again
and then you put some money in a jar.
Yeah,
like a swear jar. But, like a swear jar.
Sometimes I feel like you just pay the toll to get out of it.
Yeah, exactly.
Number three, clean sheets on the bed.
That's a good incentive because then you're like,
that's a nice environment to do it.
We have discussed this in the past and I'm like,
let's not muddy the sheets.
Especially in winter, it's so hard to muddy the sheets No yeah yeah Especially in winter
It's so hard to clean the sheets
And get them dry in time
I don't want to be cleaning them again
Are you still dragging your laundry
Down to the river
And whacking it on a stone
Yeah yeah yeah
I've got one of those racks
Oh a washboard
Yeah a washboard
And then afterwards
After you've finished
Washing
The washing
You play the washboard
Don't you
Oh absolutely
This is why you woke up
To a dead eel The other day in your bed.
Yeah.
You got caught in a pillowcase.
So gross.
I didn't know it was an eel at first.
Bit of a he-nucky situation with your pillowcase.
Oh, absolutely.
It got in and it couldn't find its way out.
Number four on this list, just stop trying to look hot.
Stop going like, oh, I would like to have sex,
but I haven't shaved my legs or my armpits or had a shower
or you know
done anything like that
you've locked in this
long term partner
they don't care
absolutely
save your money
save your time
number five
put your phone down
that's pretty obvious
don't get into bed
and immediately pick up
your individual phones
kills the mood
number six
if you're in pain
if you've got a dodgy back
or a pinched nerve
or a mild toothache
just know this is your new normal.
And it's no longer an excuse to go, we're not going to make love.
Right.
Power on through, they say.
Pop a couple of paracetamols and a large glass of red wine or two.
Number seven, ignore the dog.
Okay.
I don't have one.
Well, ignore the cat.
Okay, yep.
You know, sometimes Rolly comes in, you're like, dude, not now.
Not now.
Please, shut the door.
Rolly has seen some things.
He's seen some things.
Just ignore him.
He'll leave.
Yeah.
Number eight, being too tired is no longer an excuse.
How long is it really going to take?
How much energy do you really need to get this thing done?
Number nine is know your boo's tipping point.
Yep.
Fair call.
Sometimes you might have a little bit too much
and you can't do it anymore.
And number 11, just turn out the lights.
Just turn out the lights.
Don't leave them on.
That simple.
This is for people in their 30s and 40s mostly.
Turn out the damn lights.
Right, so you don't see your partner.
Yeah, God no, no one wants to see that. Play you don't see your partner. Yeah. God, no.
No one wants to see that.
Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.
Play ZM.
So a woman in Florida was arrested and it turns out it was completely part of her master
plan, a plan she's had since she was a young girl.
Okay.
And it was on her bucket list to be arrested.
So she went out and committed a crime
or she had it set up with the police?
I mean, look, she was like speeding
basically. I mean, it's a crime.
I'm not downplaying speeding.
Do you get arrested when you...
Well, she was speeding. She saw a cop,
started speeding and was like, here
we go. And then the cop was like, boop, boop.
And then she just kept driving. So it was like basically running from the police. When they finally got her, they was like, here we go. And then the cop was like, boop, boop. And then she just kept driving.
So it was like basically running from the police.
When they finally got her, they were like,
we're arresting you because you didn't stop.
And then she admitted, she was like, this is awesome.
Getting arrested was on my bucket list.
Absolute waste of their time.
And she is also going to have a record now.
Yeah.
Like, why didn't she just walk up to some police
next to a car who were
doing nothing and just be like, can you just
pretend to arrest me?
But it's not the same, but it's not satisfying
that urge of actually being arrested
for being naughty. Right.
Rather than having a photo in handcuffs.
But is that the
most minor crime
you could do?
I suppose so.
They did say that she was driving really fast and driving recklessly at 7.47.
So he turned on his lights and siren, started chasing her,
and she didn't stop for ages until they got to like a three-way intersection
that she couldn't drive through.
Then he stopped her, got her out, took her to jail even.
That would be fun.
That would be a little bit fun. And, yeah, and then out, took her to jail even. Oh, wow. That'll be fun. That'll be a little bit fun.
And, yeah, and then she, I think she was charged.
Like, she was charged for reckless driving and given a fee, like a fine.
Right.
But didn't, you know, go to prison or anything like that.
Oh, right.
Okay, so that's done.
That's done.
How old is she?
Is she old?
No, she's in her 20s.
Oh, okay.
What's amazing is if you see her mugshot, she's in her 20s. Oh, okay. And what's amazing is if you see her mugshot, she's stoked.
She's like, done.
Done this.
Yeah, it's been on her bucket list since she was in high school.
That is a weird, you do hear about the odd, like,
gran that, like, wants to be arrested.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they take the photo.
She's not in their 20s.
No.
It's still a weird bucket list thing, right?
I know.
I was trying to think if I have anything on my bucket list that's strange,
but then I was like, I don't think I've got a bucket list.
Mine's just like travel places I want to go.
Yeah, everywhere I want to go in the world,
but I don't have any sort of activities or anything I want to achieve
because I'm terrified of dying.
So I don't want to think about things I want to do before I die.
Why are you – everybody dies.
Maybe not by the time it comes to my time.
Maybe there will be some sort of tonic.
Right, a magic pill maybe.
That I could take.
Okay, yeah, right.
I would choose immortality for sure.
Are you kidding me?
You'd be all hanging off your skin and bones.
No, no, no, but I'd have to find some kind of youth serum as well.
Oh, right, okay.
What if so vampire rules?
I could be a vampire.
But you wouldn't be allowed to get, you couldn't go to the sun. But I don't want to have the thirst for the blood. I really don. I could be a vampire. But you wouldn't be allowed to go to the sun.
But I don't want to have the thirst for the blood.
I really don't want to be addicted to anything.
Thirst for the blood and no sunlight.
You're really hanging out for a lot of tonics and syrups, aren't you?
Tonics, syrups, syrups, everything.
Right.
Yeah, I think it's like a lot of travel things.
But nothing weird.
Nothing weird.
But this is what I want to ask is what's the weird thing on your bucket list?
I want to hear the strange things you've got that you're hoping to do
before your days come to an end.
Do you remember that when we pushed the stop button on the escalator?
Oh.
That was one.
I really wanted to do that for so long.
I've set off an apartment building that was an urge, a fire alarm.
Oh, okay, yep.
It was quite fun.
On purpose or was there a fire? Let's not talk about it because that
was a crime.
It was wasting people's time.
That's a lot of people's time.
It costs a
lot of money to
partake in a police chase. Okay, well
0800 DARS at M. We want to take your calls now.
You can text as well. 9696.
Give us the weird things that are on your bucket list.
We're talking bucket lists.
After a woman in Florida was intentionally arrested,
she drove like an idiot, basically,
because being arrested was on her bucket list.
Yeah, failed to stop for police.
Failed to stop.
And she's happy about it.
Oh, my God, her little mugshot, she's like...
Amber, what's on your bucket list that's maybe a little unusual?
Good morning, guys.
Good morning.
Well, my bucket list is that I want to eat an entire wheel of cheese.
Now, I'm not talking like a little brie, a little camembert.
I'm talking like, you know, those big, like, mammoth ones that you get.
Like the Italian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely, yeah. Like, are you talkingt. I'm talking like, you know those big, like, mammoth ones that you get? Like the Italian.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Absolutely, yeah.
Are you talking like three quarters of a metre wide?
Yeah, yeah, that's the one.
The ones that on the cheese making things they put the core into
and they pull it out and they're like, no, the end.
Yeah.
And I just want to do it in one sitting.
The thing is that I'm actually a little bit lactose intolerant,
so I think it'll be quite a fun experience.
Check your pants.
It could be the death of you.
Yeah.
Are you, like, a fan of cheese?
Like, I love cheese, but I couldn't eat that much cheese.
Like, I don't know.
I think it's just one of those, you know, living on the edge, I think.
You know, knowing that I can't have it just makes me want it more, I think.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you, what cheese would it be, your big wheel of cheese?
Look, I'm open to anything, kind of whatever's going really.
I think she got a soft cheese.
Yeah, because what I'm thinking, you could do like if you went to Brie or Camden, you
could put it into an oven.
It'd be melty.
And then melt it and then dip, and you could dip chips in.
I reckon that would be a good way to eat it.
No, but you're adding chips.
You're adding too many, too much filler. Too many variables. Too many variables. It just needs to be a good way to eat it. No, but you're adding chips. You're adding too much filler.
Too many variables.
Too many variables.
It just needs to be straight cheese.
Get them with your hands then.
Amber, we wish you the best of luck with this cheese dream of yours.
Yes.
Go for it.
Thank you so much for the support, guys.
It sounds like a very expensive bucket list.
I mean, even a small, like, tiny wheel is expensive.
Rebecca, what's on your bucket list that's a little unusual?
So it's actually for a resident.
I work in a retirement village and she turned 100 last year.
Oh, wow.
She's now 101.
And so she and her son and her daughter made a bucket list of all the things
that she wanted to do before she was 100.
And one of those things was to attend a happy hour at a pub and she didn't actually arrive back into the village
until about 10.30, 11 that night.
Which is a retirement village equivalent of about, you know,
a coming up, yeah, or a 4.05.
Yeah, and she was singing down the corridors.
She was so happy.
She was so happy.
I love that.
Yep.
She also wanted to go on a trampoline.
So she went to her great, great grandkids and she sat on the trampoline while the kids
pounced her up and down.
Oh no, you can't play egg with great, great grandma.
No, you can't double bounce her.
She'll fly over the bloomin'.
The knees won't take it.
They get brittle, don't they?
Wow.
And sorry, one more was that she hadn't dipped her feet in the ocean or sea from about 60, 65.
So they took her to a beach.
They put some wooden planks down and they wheeled her down
and she dipped her toes in the ocean.
Oh, that's lovely.
And then they just kept wheeling her out.
She's like, it was all a trick.
Toss me in.
Amazing.
Rebecca, thank you so much for sharing.
Andy, what's your unusual bucket list request?
So something I've always wanted to do is, like, quit a job,
but in, like, a real outrageous fashion,
like cause an absolute scene as you're walking out.
Yeah.
But kind of do it for, like, the most stupid, like cause an absolute scene as you're walking out. But kind of do it for like the most stupid, like petty reason, like there's
no more like toffee pops on the table
of the shared biscuit sort of thing. Would you throw
in a who's coming with me?
I'll try and take
someone down with me, absolutely. You know what I mean?
You pick up your stuff and you look around the office
who's coming with me.
Jenny, Jenny's with me on this.
Jenny, we're leaving. Jenny's just like, I don't even know what this is all about. No the fire and throw your toys. Jenny, Jenny's with me on this. Jenny,
we're leaving.
Jenny's just like,
I don't even know
what this is all about.
No,
I just got a mortgage.
Jenny's like,
no,
I need this job.
I really need it.
Would you steal something,
Andy,
as well,
when you leave?
Probably not steal something,
but,
oh no,
I would.
I'd probably like raid
the shared pens
or something like that.
Yeah,
yes.
You're not getting paid out. Imagine if you went into the cupboard to get the shared pens or something like that. Yes! You're not getting paid out after that.
Imagine if you went into the cupboard
to get the shared pens and you found the
rest of the toffee pops.
They're coming with me as well.
You've just taken those. Your workplace sounds so
fancy. You've got free pens and free toffee
pops. I know. I would not be dramatically
quitting that workplace.
It's going to be tough.
It's going to be hard, but it's a bucket list.
Andy, amazing.
Thank you for sharing some messages in.
I always wanted to be an extra on CSI,
and now that it's been rebooted, I may finally get the chance.
Oh.
Dead body on the CSI.
I reckon I would be the worst dead body,
because I can't hold my breath.
I'd be like.
That was an inopportune time for a fart, wasn't it?
Did you hear that?
You went to hold your breath and I went... And squeezed to hold my breath.
It's trying to stay perfectly still.
What are you, like, 80?
You just can't hold it in a fart?
Both of you would make terrible cadavers.
I knew it was bubbling there.
But when I went... And tried to, like, tense up to stay perfectly still, it was enough just to hold it apart. Both of you would make terrible cadavers. I knew it was bubbling there, but when I went,
and tried to like tense up to stay perfectly still,
it was enough just to pop it out.
These poor CSI actors are like, we've got some twins
and they're both dead.
That one's breathing and the other one's dropping his guts.
Remember, that's what dead bodies do, don't they?
They expel gas.
Wow.
I get the role. I get the role.
I get the role.
Mansplaining.
Yep.
Familiar with the term.
No, if you ask, you can't claim that it was mansplaining.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Even though I've just mansplained to you how mansplaining works.
No, you didn't.
Because you did ask.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you can't ask someone for an explanation of something
and when they're giving you a simple rundown of how it works,
then claim that they're mansplaining to you if you asked.
You use that voice though.
Okay, then you do this.
Regardless of gender, if you ask me a dumb question,
I'm going to say it to you slowly.
I'm going to break it down as easily as I can.
That doesn't matter what gender you identify as.
Yes, but mansplaining isn't just a man explaining something.
No.
Mansplaining is when you didn't ask for an explanation
and they say, let me tell you what that is.
Often to weak heart.
Yeah, assuming that I won't know.
Often to people who are specialists in the field.
Yeah.
Like you see women with PhDs online saying,
interesting that a man tried to explain
to me at my own lecture
on the subject that I wrote the PhD
on. Where I'd gone wrong
even though he's got no background in it whatsoever.
Indeed. So there's mansplaining,
manterrupting, which I
hadn't heard of. But now
there's he peating.
Which is like repeating
but he pepeating.
Correct.
Right.
So how does it work?
And I'm asking for your explanation as a man.
Thank you for the permission, Miss Blee.
It's dangerous territory in here.
He-peating is when a woman suggests an idea and it's kind of semi-ignored
apart from a guy who hears it,
will repeat the same thing
and everybody loves it.
Yeah, right.
So if we're having a meeting
and I might go,
hey guys, I think maybe we should try
talking about potatoes on air.
Everyone's like, oh yeah.
And then Vorm, you would go,
I've got a great article on potatoes. Yeah, and trust me on this one, it's going to blow. It's's like, oh, yeah. And then, Vorm, you would go, I've got a great article on potatoes.
Yeah.
And trust me on this one, it's going to blow up.
Yep.
We should talk about potatoes.
And everyone's like, we should.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, right.
You have he-peated Hayley's idea about the potatoes.
Do you know who does this?
Comedians.
If you're, like, not in a work context,
but if you're at a party and
say there's a couple of funny people there
and you're just, like, jamming along and you say a little
joke and maybe it gets chucked to the side and no one hears
it except maybe a light giggle,
but they hear it, then they'll deliver the same joke
but better than you did.
Well, they've had more time to craft it.
The room erupts. Yeah, they craft. They craft your
joke but deliver it better. In which case, they deserve it. But to craft it. The room erupts. Yeah, they craft. They craft your joke, but deliver it better.
In which case, they deserve it.
But you came with it on the spot.
Yeah, I did.
But it was missed.
My delivery was all off.
It was ad hoc, whereas they've had time to rehearse it in their head multiple times over five to ten seconds and then repeat it again.
So that's he-peating, is when a man repeats an idea put forward by a woman,
it's ignored the first time, celebrated the second.
Right.
Can you have sheep eating?
Surely.
Sheep eating is where you kill the lamb and then you eat its delicious shanks
after they've been slow cooked.
Oh, I do love a shank.
Sheep eating.
Sheep eating sounds way better than heap eating.
Yes.
Clay, Zed Eames, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Well, in the states of Texas and Illinois in America,
filters, social media filters on Instagram and Facebook
have been turned off.
So you can't use any?
How will they know?
Because, you know, some people go,
oh, then you go and you edit your photos on a different app,
then you re-upload them.
Well, I just don't think they're available on either Instagram or Facebook.
Snapchat doesn't say anything about Snapchat.
It's just meta.
What about the silly ones that make you look obviously like you aren't?
Like a lemon.
Like a lemon in a tree.
Talking broccoli.
I was like, this is so progressive
For something like a state like Texas
There'll be a reason
And it's not the reason I thought
Do you know how in the past few years
The amount of plastic surgery
And the problems that people
Have been having with their appearance
They say is all caused by
Filters
Unobtainable
People cannot attain those features.
There were those beautiful, those beauty filters, eh,
that made your nose all sort of pinched
and your lips a little bit fuller and your cheekbones a bit cut.
I'm doing one where my nose is taped to my forehead.
Well, that would be absolutely banned in Illinois and Texas.
And not because of what it's doing to people mentally and their well-being,
but because it's violating privacy rights.
Because it's using facial mapping and the states, yeah, they're facing a lawsuit.
Because they're like, well, what are you doing with this technology?
What are you doing with the data when you map our faces
and make me into a lemon?
Make me into a lemon.
Or my favourite is when you look like a nugget.
Yes, I love a nugget.
Yeah.
Little nuggies.
That makes sense though because they do like some of that,
you know that one that everyone's using at the moment, the crying one?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
They're so good that the way that they like find your eyes, your nose,
your mouth and then warp it so it looks so real.
Are they saying that it's individuals' data and face scans that they're concerned about?
Or is it saying that you scan enough faces, you learn insane amounts,
and you can obviously make deepfake technology so much better?
Probably a bit of both.
Facebook meta says that it plans to roll out an opt-in system.
So next time you go to use a filter
It'll be like
Do you want us to collect all your data
And map your face and turn you into a lemon
Or make it look like you're crying when you're not
Because if they can turn you into a lemon
Can they clone you and turn you into a robot?
That's the question, isn't it?
And then your family think it's you
But it's actually a robot
And then you walk in and you're like
Who the hell is this?
And they're like Hayley? Which one's the real Hayley? And you're like It's actually a robot. And then you walk in and you're like, who the hell is this? And they're like,
Hayley? Which one's the real Hayley?
And you're like, it's me. And then the robot's like,
no, it's me.
And you're like, guys, that's a totally different voice.
You know me. We should have also scanned her voice.
We have the technology far before facial recognition technology.
Kill her. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Guys, no, no, no. This is all getting very
out of hand. It's getting out of hand. That's all getting very out of hand. It's getting out of hand.
That's the damage those filters can cause.
It's getting out of hand.
Sums up the world for the last two years.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is getting out of hand.
I mean, maybe even longer.
Maybe that's humanity's overarching slogan.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is getting out of hand.
Do you know they just announced the new season of Black Mirror
yesterday. It's coming.
What are they even going to do?
Because it's already messed up
enough, the world.
We are living a Black Mirror storyline at the moment.
When the pandemic started,
Charlie Brooker, who created Black Mirror,
the British comedian, writer,
comedy guy, he said, I don't know
if we can do any more of this
it's on hold because the world is
Black Mirror at the moment
I don't want to be in Black Mirror
I want to be in a happy 90s
romcom
that's the kind of
even if there is a moment of sadness you know it's leading to an ultimate
lesson
with a loved one
the patriarch of the family sitting you down and
saying it's going to be okay and giving you
maybe a hug and heaps of people applaud.
And then you're on to the next episode.
Yeah.
Give them some good news.
Give them some good news.
Then give them
some bad news.
Good, good, bad, good.
Well, we've got bad news, but we're going to put it in between all the good news.
We're going to sandwich it.
With good, good, bad, good.
Shall I start?
Kick it off with some love.
I need it.
I need it on a Wednesday.
Some good news.
And this is good science news.
I love science.
Scientists from the University of Florida, I believe it's pronounced.
Flowrider.
Flowrider.
Sorry. Scientists from the University of Florida, I believe it's pronounced. Flowrider. Flowrider, sorry.
Do you know it took me like years to figure out that Flowrider was Florida?
Do you know it took me till this moment right now?
Did you realise that rapper Flowrider is from Florida?
It's Flowrider.
That's clever.
It's clever.
Far apart. And because he rides the flow.
Yeah. And he's from Florida.
What more could you want? The guy's a god damn
genius. Incredible. Scientists from
the University of Flow, Ryder, have successfully
planted cress
seeds in soil collected
from the moon by
astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz
Aldrin. I was going to say, no one's been to the moon for ages.
How's the soil been just sitting about, is it?
Yeah, well on the Apollo 11 mission mission, you know, they did that,
it's one small step for man, blah, blah.
Don't remember it.
Well, you'll be familiar with the clip, though, right?
Oh, yeah.
Shot in the studio.
Well, in the studio, they grabbed a little container of soil.
And, yeah, scientists, they had a control soil from Earth,
probably some Yates potting mix.
Yeah, I was going to say, a bit of potting mix.
A bit of potting mix.
A bit of tooey blood and bone.
Oh, gorgeous.
And they grew cress.
I hate cress.
Why didn't they grow something delicious?
Yeah, I don't know.
Well, no, because cress is probably like a very simple thing to grow.
It doesn't require a lot.
Well, they had side by side, they had the soil from Earth, soil from the moon,
and week one, they both grew the same, like they sprouted.
And then week one, Earth overtook moon soil.
But still, they were quite impressed.
Still growing.
Yeah, moon soil grew a plant.
I wonder what the nutrients will be like in these vegetables
they'll grow on moon dust.
Yeah, that's a good call.
Because we get our nutrients
from the soil
that goes into the vegetable
that then goes into our mouth.
That's why they...
The whole thing.
I've been reading.
I've been reading about soil nutrients.
You've been doing your research.
Very interesting.
Good though.
Well, good news to when
we have to evacuate this planet
because we've screwed it up.
Oh God, we have, eh? Yeah. When's that happening? Hey, it's only good news right. Well, good news to when we have to evacuate this planet because we've screwed it up. Oh, God, we have, eh?
Yeah.
When's that happening?
Currently.
Hey, it's only good news right now.
Next good news.
Vaughan, please give us some good news.
Cats can remember each other's names.
Each other's names?
Yeah.
So are they kind of...
I've read the whole article, so you don't have to suffer through it.
But basically, Japanese researchers have found that if you are at home and you've got two
cats and you say, wait there, Tiddles, and Tiddles is like, okay, and then you say, Sandy,
you're coming with me, but that cat isn't called Sandy.
Yeah.
The cat will look at the other cat.
Tiddles will look at the misnamed cat for a lengthy amount of time.
Whereas when you identify them with
by their actual name, the cat will
be like, yeah, you're right, that's
Sooty, and I'm Tiddles.
But you've
called him Sandy. Now Sandy, that's
not Sandy, that's Sooty. So that's why they
say they look at them like, you've made a mistake.
Am I wrong? And so they
remember, and when they did it with cats, they didn't know they could call them anything and they didn't look at them.
Yeah.
I know it's still raw and you don't want to talk about it.
But I had a cat.
You had two cats.
I think our cats knew each other's names.
Yeah.
It never really occurred to me because like dogs recognize each other.
The dogs are sort of known for being more intuitive.
But you can say to one dog, where's Ralph?
And Richie will be like looking for him and then like see him and go over to him. Right. for being more intuitive and smart. Yeah, but you can say to one dog, where's Ralph?
And Richie will be like looking for him and then like see him and go over to him.
Right.
Cats maybe don't do that as much.
No.
But they apparently do have the ability
to recognise each other
and remember each other's names.
Cute.
Okay, do you want the bad news?
Are you bearing the bad news?
I'll be the bad news.
The second peak of COVID-19
is expected
to hit as early as June.
What are you doing that for? The bad news is supposed
to be bad, but not us bad.
Overseas bad.
Okay, well, North Korea has
zero immunisations.
I know. And
they're about to be absolutely hit by COVID.
It's sweeping through away.
Is it true, though, that they only just recorded their first patient, Sarah?
Apparently.
Yeah, because initially they were shooting people, eh?
Yeah.
What?
Were they not laughing?
What are you laughing for?
Were they really?
They were shooting people.
They had COVID.
They'd shoot them.
Yes.
Because they were like, we don't have COVID here.
Jesus.
They were like, no, see, there's no COVID.
I mean, there was a hole full of people.
Yeah.
And they refused
like vaccines
from China
and the UN.
They were like,
no,
it doesn't exist here.
But anyway,
in New Zealand,
seriously though,
the second COVID wave
is expected to hit
and it could be
as early as June.
Dude,
I can't believe
how everybody's just like,
oh,
I don't have to wear a mask.
I'm not going to wear a mask.
Granted,
I'm on like high watch because I can't catch COVID before next Tuesday when I go to Disneyland.
Otherwise, I can't go to Disneyland.
And you'll see all seven stages of grief if I don't get to go to Disneyland.
I think rage.
I will be rage.
I will be denial.
You'll just be in a fetal position on the floor crying.
I won't come to work.
I will be living.
I know.
You'll be sulking.
Well, it's also a worrying time because it's the floor crying. I won't come to work. I will be living. I know, you'll be sulking. Well, it's also a worrying time
because it's the flu season.
So if you haven't had your flu jab,
get that because they're expecting
that to coincide.
Yeah.
So just a warning for you there.
Get your flu jab.
Australia is now talking about
mask mandates because they've
apparently not been wearing masks.
It's getting pretty bad over there
if you're travelling over there.
Didn't they say that it would take
about three years
for this thing to play out?
Aren't we done?
But then I don't think
that...
Are we done?
Well, we're ignoring it.
I don't think they anticipated
all the...
Variants.
Variants.
Yeah.
Well, they should have.
Apparently a bit of flu
going around Dunn is
at the moment.
Bit of a flu?
Yeah, those puffer jackets
and cold student flats
won't ward off the flu.
They've lost too much,
too many goose down feathers out the back.
This better be bloody good news.
Let's end with some good news.
Because that was really bad news.
Okay, well, I have a corresponding picture with mine.
This here is Aldo.
This is Ecuador's first dental assistant dog.
He's been trained as an emotional...
How does he hold the sucker?
No, no, he's just an emotional support. He's been trained as an emotional... How does he hold the sucker? No, no, no. He's just an emotional support.
He is the sucker.
He just puts his...
Dogs are always licking mouths
if you let them.
But there's much gooby
as he gets out.
He would give as well.
He's been trained
as an emotional support dog
with special skills
that allow him
to calm children
as they get dental work done.
And so he literally
jumps up on the kids
and if they're happy,
lies on them or next to them and like like, nuzzles into their hands,
and they cuddle him and they pat him as they get their painful little fillings done.
And apparently it's totally changed how kids are seeing the dentist.
One kid, five-year-old Tilden, said this dentist is really fun.
It's kind of magical.
I mean, that's cute.
That's cute.
What COVID?
We've got dogs and kids and magic.
I think they should just offer that to adults.
Everybody.
Yeah, my dentist just got the crappy daytime TV on a TV on the roof.
How do you get a TV on the roof?
That's my question.
How do you affix a TV to a roof without it falling down?
It's the wall bracket, but it's ceiling.
I reckon they do this though
to distract you
because then you're not
distracted by what's on the TV
you're distracted going
when's that going to
drop on my face?
I want it to drop
on my face
so then it smashes
all my teeth
and then I'm like
well technically
I don't have to pay now
because you smashed them.
Yeah and you get
full all new teeth.
Oh yeah.
Many times I've asked
for just falsies.
I'm going to get falsies.
I want dentures.
I've just decided on it. I'm done with these. I'm going to turn it to work one dayies I'm going to get falsies I want dentures I've just decided on it
I'm done with these
I'm going to turn up to work
One day and have like
And I'm going to get those falsies
That are a size too big
Like the teeth are too big
And they're all exactly
The same
Even yeah
And we're like
What have you done
And you're like
Nah
And I can't
And I can't hug like I used to
Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley
Play ZM
Well this story happened On the West Coast over the weekend.
Well, there was a hooky-ticky burglary.
Whenever you say West Coast,
it's always the West Coast of the South Island, isn't it?
Yeah, I know.
It's near the Gizzy.
Well, it's either New Plymouth.
No, that's the East Coast.
Oh, that's the East Coast.
Sorry.
If you're saying West Coast referring to Gizmon, you...
East Coast is gizzy.
What's the West Coast of the North Island?
It's just the raglan.
You're raglan.
You're knacky.
You're knack.
Pretty rough.
Like, you know.
Excuse me, rough?
I meant the coast.
You meant the coast.
I meant the coast is rough and rugged.
And the people.
Look at you.
Rough as guts.
People are rough.
But, you know, you always mean the west coast of the South Island. So there was a burglary in Hokitika,
and a wanted man apparently had fled and was basically caught.
Yes.
So they fled with a stolen car, I believe, from Nelson.
Naughty.
And, yeah, the police gave chase.
And, yeah, and then people sat on him.
Citizens.
Yeah.
The farm workers.
So they captured him, stopped him.
Yeah.
Sat on him.
You were lucky.
Because what about that other joker that broke into that house down King Country Way?
Oh yeah, they cut his finger off.
Yeah, that's right.
Wait, what?
Which we shouldn't laugh about.
But then even his girlfriend,
who was like witness to the whole thing,
she kind of ended up turning on him as well, right?
And saying, oh, no, yeah, he was a bad joker.
Yeah, you've done wrong.
Yeah.
So, no, no, no, she was saying,
she was the girlfriend of the guy
that they cut the finger off.
And she was like, oh, he's a rat bag or something.
And they cut the farmer and his son, tied him up and cut his finger off. Yeah. And she was like, oh, he's a rat bag or something. And they cut the farmer and his son,
tried to cut his finger off.
Why?
Was he being aggressive or did they just think this is what we do?
Well, they woke up and it was inside his house.
I don't know why people tango with farmers.
They're armed to the teeth.
I know.
They've got like...
Ballsy, isn't it?
Yeah.
Well, yeah, so these couple of man and woman
ended up fleeing into the bush.
And, yeah, some farm workers managed to find them.
And, yes, one of the offenders, they sat on them until police arrived.
Now, I don't know if they mean sit on them as in they're sitting watching them.
No, I think they sat on them.
They sat on them.
As a seat.
Used them as a seat.
Even if they didn't, let's say that he sat on them.
They sat.
They rode up.
They sat on them.
Five of them just sat down on him.
Yeah.
You ever try to get someone off you when they're sitting on you?
Well, people are very heavy.
People are very heavy.
Yeah.
And if you're laid down, you're in a weaker position anyway.
Yeah.
You're prone.
So, it's just a classic.
Citizens arrest.
I mean, they probably didn't say the words.
You know, what do they say that line on the TV show?
This is a citizens arrest?
No, but what do the police say?
They have to say that thing,
don't they, in America? Oh, you're under arrest,
you have the right to remain silent, anything you do
say can and will be used against you
in the court of law. What do they call your Miranda rights?
Yeah, what's the version of that for the
citizen's arrest?
Yo, you're arrested, fool. I'm gonna
sit on you. My brother's gonna
sit on your tummy. Don't sit on my tummy!
I won't be able to breathe. You're a criminal.
You're going to get sat on on the tummy.
Now, is citizens arrest
actually a thing in New Zealand? I don't think so.
Specifically, the Crimes Act 1961
states that everyone is
justified in arresting without
warrant.
Including New Zealand citizens.
But isn't it, oh yeah, we have talked about this before, but doesn't
it have to, you have to make a judgment call
whether or not the crime they're committing would lead to a three-year sentence.
Three-year imprisonment.
Yeah.
Oh, well, I don't know what sentencing is.
Yeah.
I don't know the levels.
Imagine if it was like, you've arrested this person on a two-year sentence
and you're going, okay, I'm sorry, I didn't notice.
So now you're in trouble for holding someone against their will,
which is a three-year sentence.
Because that's kidnapping.
You're going to jail now.
Right.
But I would love to know,
has anybody ever made a citizen's arrest
or held someone until police got there?
Yeah.
Or you trapped someone in your garage
because you caught them or something?
I've always wanted to.
Now I know the three-year prison sentence thing, though,
makes things a bit more complicated.
Well, maybe someone
that actually knows
the law could
tell us about
when you see them
breaking into your house
you're like
on your local
community Facebook page
is there a justice of a peace
that does like
passport signings
yeah
and people are like
why are you whispering
you're like
well there's someone
in my house
I want to talk to
a justice of a peace
about sentencing
and then they're like
no you don't talk to
a justice of a peace who do I contact about sentencing justice And then they're like, no, you don't talk to a justice of the peace. Who do I contact
about? Justice of the peace is always some old
retired fella who just wants to do a bit of
caring work. Ring ring, two o'clock in the morning. Justice of
the peace. He's like, do you want a mortgage?
Yeah, do you need me to witness a passport?
No, there's someone in my house I need to know about sentencing.
Wrong person.
And the name indicates that I am indeed
a justice, you know, of the peace.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right.
I sign passports.
I don't tell you a sentence.
Okay.
Well, have you ever made a citizen's arrest?
I hope we get some.
Or sat on someone until the police came.
I hope we get some juicy crimes.
Physically sat on them.
Yeah.
Or maybe you just held them until the police got there.
Or maybe they were breaking into your house and then you pushed them down into the basement and locked the door
and then called the police
and waited for them to arrive.
Is that a citizen's arrest, right?
It is because you're holding them prisoner.
In a temporary jail cell.
Well, you know.
All right, we want to take your calls.
0800-DARLS-AT-M-9696.
Give us a text.
Unless the fool down the stairs kills them
and then you say you didn't touch them, they got a fright and fell down the stairs kills them. And then you say you didn't touch them.
They got a fright and fell down the stairs all by themselves.
There you go.
We want to know if you've ever made a citizen's arrest
or you've held a perp.
God, it would feel so empowering.
Yeah, it would.
Stopping a crime and holding them until the real crime stop has come.
Somebody said you guys talked about bucket lists before
and making a citizen's arrest is on my bucket list.
Do it.
You can do it at any moment.
It might not follow through.
Don't you just in the middle of a supermarket
to see someone and go,
citizen's arrest.
Yeah, pull out the cable ties.
But if they're just stealing what?
I'm assuming if you're ready for a citizen's arrest,
always have cable ties.
And you've already got them looped.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got two cable ties looped.
Yeah, so you just,
over the hand,
pull tight. You're not going anywhere, sucker. Oh my God, we've got two cable ties looped. Yeah, so you just over the hand, pull tight. You're not going
anywhere, sucker. Oh my God, we've got a lot of calls.
People making these persons arrests.
We've got tons of texts too. Let's
take some calls. Alright, Hamish, what happened?
Me and
my grandad helped to
get a trespasser
arrested.
Where were they trespassing?
Sergeant Hamish.
My grandad is the
property manager and
owner and landlord of a
set of units.
And there was a ex
tenant who was always
causing arguments with
the family members
inside the unit.
Yeah, exactly.
It was a blank sheet.
So she was evicted from the property and trespassed,
and she was told not to come back.
But she kept coming back and causing arguments,
but we'd call up the police,
and then she would leave before the police got the chance to show up.
So my granddad parked this truck in the driveway
because it's just a one
sort of driveway in and out of the
property. He parked this truck and we just
sat there and waited. Creating a barricade.
Yeah, and she was yelling
and swearing and cursing and then we just
parked there for an hour and then the police
showed up and they
left the car there and they took her away.
Oh my god.
I probably would have got out the water cannon.
Are you allowed a water cannon, people?
Absolutely.
With a citizen's arrest?
I assume so.
When you're a landlord, you're allowed a water cannon,
and it's also a great way to evict problematic tenants.
Yes, bust in and start hosing stuff down.
And then don't get their bond back.
Hey, Michelle, you're called Deborah.
What was your citizen's arrest?
I was living with my boyfriend at the time, and his ex-girlfriend took exception to my presence
and she cut through the screen window in the spare bedroom where his 12 year old daughter
was sleeping and in the middle of the night we were asleep and she came in and so we ended up
dragging her out of the house as she was
screaming and yelling and crying and lamenting and dragged her outside. The neighbours came
out. I was sitting on her, which is a pretty easy hold mechanism.
You used the sitting technique.
Yeah, great technique.
Yeah, that's right. There's no way she's getting me off of her
And my boyfriend rang the police
And we waited for them to come
Yeah, it was quite dramatic
Wow, cutting through a screen
Yeah
Yeah, wow
Just the admin of getting a screen door replaced
It might not cost that much
But you've got to get the man
You've got to get the rubber seal
Wow, and it's a citizen's arrest.
Cool.
Amazing.
Good on you.
Debra, thanks.
You called some messages in, so many.
I did a few security operations in New Zealand when I was in the military,
and we were taught to never use the word arrest,
because that's where you get yourself in legal trouble,
using words like, I'm detaining you.
Oh, okay.
Oh, that's hot.
Yeah.
You were being detained. Sorry, I did too.
You got hot. That was sort of my knee-jerk
reaction. Yeah. Cable ties,
the word detains. Cable ties, I'm detaining
you. My mum was picking up pine cones
on the side of the motorway. Not my mum, someone's
messaged in. Oh, aren't they great
fire starters? There is no
better name. They're nature's fire starters.
Gorgeous.
She was picking up pine cones on the side of the motorway
and someone tried to come and do a citizen's arrest on her
for stealing pinecarts.
I've always wondered, you know when you're driving along
and there's like all those forestry bits
and there's just logs everywhere that they're obviously not picking up.
Yeah.
Free firewood.
Is that free firewood?
Absolutely.
It should be, right?
It's just sitting there.
Like it's just sitting there.
They should push it down the bottom closest to the road.
And they say free firewood.
With your still.
Yeah.
I think if you went in with a chainsaw and took down a couple of trees in a forest.
That's frowned upon.
That's frowned upon.
That's what happened that time I cut down that coldie tree.
Oh, yeah, you got in a bit of trouble for that.
Oh, didn't I?
God, they wouldn't stop going on about it.
Warm winter, though.
Thousands of years old. No, I wouldn't still go on about it. Warm winter, though. Thousands of years old.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
No, I didn't even.
Sarcasm.
No, it's manuka trees that I was cutting in public with the chancel that time,
but that had already fallen.
So I was just cleaning up, really.
You can thank me later and take it off my rates.
How about that?
You're a hero.
You're a hero.
Somebody else said,
my dad chased the shoplifter from the supermarket
because when they ran past,
they knocked my little sister over while making their escape. So they were dabbed as furious, ran out, tackled them, brought themifter from the supermarket because when they ran past, they knocked my little sister over while making their escape.
So they were dabbed as furious,
ran out, tackled them,
brought them back into the supermarket
with their hands behind their back
like it was a cop.
I mean, if you just have the authority of a cop,
I guess you could.
Yeah.
Someone said,
caught someone robbing a charity money box,
chased them down,
ankle tapped them.
What's an ankle tap?
Where you're running and you just like...
How good was that if your brother was trying to run away from you? You just drop him with an ankle tap? Where you're running and you just like How good was that
if your brother was trying to run away from you?
Just drop him with an ankle tap.
Yeah. I used to do it in sports
because I didn't want to have to tackle anybody
because you'd get hurt so you'd just be like, wildly illegal.
You're not allowed an ankle tap
in rugby, are you? No. Or you're not allowed an ankle tap
in any sport. No.
We used to do it in hockey and you'd
try to make it look like a,
whoop, hit their ankle with a stick,
and they'd go, brum, brum, brum, brum, on a sand turf.
That'd be ripped to shreds.
Fun.
That's why I stopped playing sport.
Not very sportsmanly.
Someone said, worked with a guy whose old man
had two teenagers break into his home when he was home.
He tied them up with an extension cord.
One tried to spit on them, so he slapped them.
And he ended up getting in trouble
for holding someone against their will and kidnapping
and for slapping the kid assault on a minor.
That's so crazy that
they break into your house.
Yeah.
It's about time the government started getting
harder on criminals.
I'm sick of these...
I'm sick of these judges.stalk ZB, call us now.
I'm sick of these judges.
I don't stand by this.
I'm sick of these judges giving these criminals a free ride in this country.
These are not my words.
We used to be a great country.
Where the law was the law.
Should we execute home invaders?
Newstalk ZB, it's 8.48.
I've been held captive.
How many strikes? They talk about a three strikes policy. News Talk ZB, it's 8.28. I've been held captive by Fletch Vaughan.
How many strikes?
They talk about a three strikes policy.
I say two strikes, you're out.
Get me out of here.
Get me out of here.
These are not my words.
Bring back capital punishment.
And bring back the death penalty.
Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.
Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.
Today's fact of the day is about apple scoops.
What?
Apple scoops.
Apple bottom scoops.
Made of sheep bone.
Oh.
Yeah, made of sheep bones.
These apple scoops, which I'd never heard of,
but I've done a little bit of research and they're very popular.
The British love them.
Apple scoops, one of the oldest types of eating utensils.
A scoop allowed anyone without teeth, young or old, to eat a raw apple.
You would remove the core.
So it's like a modern, you know apple corers?
Yeah.
Not the one that also segments it.
I'm talking old school.
You put it on the bench.
You'd never hold the apple and push the corer through
because at one stage it would slip through the apple
and you'd have a corer.
Get your hand.
But that same thing, sometimes it's a pearler.
You can get pineapple ones too.
Yeah, you can.
Yeah, they're a bit bigger.
But you have to push them through.
Oh yeah, let that machine at the supermarket do it.
How good is that thing?
Sometimes I just get a pineapple because I want to play with the machine.
It's not even pineapple seeds.
No, it's not pineapple seeds.
Sometimes I just put a pineapple in and watch it happen and then just leave it there.
No.
No.
You are a monster.
You're a naughty boy.
I'm reporting you to Dole.
No, that's not a crime.
That's as bad as making a pick and mix and then just leaving the bag.
Yeah, but tell me where.
Sometimes you make your own pick and mix and leave it there
so people can admire your chocolate to your covered raisins ratio.
That's about the golden ratio,
but you should never use the Dole machine unless you're taking home the pie.
You're a monster.
It's not a crime.
Tell me anywhere
where that's a crime.
Citizens arrest.
I'm going to citizens arrest you on that.
I'll get your face down on the floor
in the produce department.
You're going to have a little
dust black mark on your face
when you get up
because have you ever seen your feet
after you walk through
the produce department?
Oh my gosh.
She's a dusty old spot.
So an apple scoop
is kind of like an apple corer.
The ones, the old school apple corers with also maybe the peeler on the outside.
So you could core and peel or peel, then core.
Up to you.
I'm not here to tell you in which order to do that.
These apple scoopers you talk about, when were they around?
In the 1870s?
No, well before that.
The earliest ones on records in the 1500s in Britain,
they believe is their point of origin,
you would core the apple.
Yeah.
Get that out.
It's a bone, right?
Yes, it's a carved sheep bone.
Right.
So, you know, the bone of a sheep leg was already kind of the right shape.
Yeah.
And they would cut the top off it and kind of sharpen the end.
So you could core the apple, get rid of the core or eat the core.
It's probably good eating when you're that hungry.
And then you leave the skin on the apple
and you start rolling it around the middle of the apple.
And then when you pull it out,
it's got like the apple shavings on it.
And then people without teeth could eat a lovely fresh apple.
Because otherwise, you know,
they know teeth, they find it very hard
to get through the skin because of the gummies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why do they not have teeth?
Bad hygiene, bad dental hygiene.
No dentists.
No Lumino.
No Lumino plan.
No pay-as-you-go plan, no, certainly not.
Okay.
So people would scoop it out and then, like, your grandma could have an apple.
Yeah.
She'd take the middle out.
But then you'd be left, the idea was you'd be left with just the skin.
Yeah, right.
At the end.
Discard.
Discard all that fibre.
Well, you could give it to someone with teeth to eat the skin,
but you obviously struggle with it.
Okay.
Just walking around with an apple skin trying to find someone with teeth.
You got teeth?
Want to eat my apple skin?
You got teeth?
You got teeth?
Oh, you got an apple skin there, do you?
Yeah, I do.
I've got teeth.
I don't.
Do you want it?
Can I have your apple skin?
Absolutely, here you go.
It's a great role play, guys.
Yeah.
Hot.
It's leathery.
I'll show you a photo.
I mean, this is no good for anybody at home.
This isn't good for the listeners.
Oh, yeah, right.
Okay.
Like a modern Cora peeler.
But made out of sheep bone.
But made out of sheep bone because that was obviously what they had abundance of at the
time and it lasted longer than wood.
So today's fact of the day is, oh, by the way, another thing that people would do would,
if they were wealthier but they had bad teeth,
they would find poor people who had okay teeth and have their teeth pulled out.
Boy, and shove them in their mouth.
The roots filed down and they'd have false teeth made out of other people's teeth.
Oh, my God.
I learned a little bit about British dental hygiene.
Wow.
In this historical...
So they went down a big hole there, didn't you?
Rough down sheep bone lane.
So today's fact of the day is if you had teeth, no teeth,
but you loved eating fresh apples,
you would make yourself an apple scoop out of a sheep bone.
Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.
Now, this method has been around for a while, apparently.
Many, many, many, many, many, many, many years.
But it's new to TikTok and it's blowing up.
And it's supposed to boost productivity, motivation, shake off a bad mood.
It is called the four quarters method.
So it's all about breaking down the day, compartmentalising your day into four separate segments.
It's the quarter pounder method, isn't it?
Not the quarter pounder. If it's going bad, you have a quarter pounder. I could have a quarter pounder method, isn't it? Not the quarter pounder.
If it's going bad, you have a quarter pounder.
I could have a quarter pounder in the second quarter
and the fourth quarter.
Well, that's why it's called a quarter pounder.
You're supposed to have one every quarter.
Your day in quarters and one in a quarter.
Quarter pounder.
Pound a quarter, pounder every quarter.
Yeah.
That's how it works.
Pound those quarters.
So you break down your day, the first quarter,
5 a.m. till 9 a.m.
Yeah.
God, some people wouldn't even have a first quarter
no
I guess
me pre-radio
yeah I was gonna say
my 20s I didn't have
a quarter
I guess you'd make
you'd make the quarters
whatever your waking
hours were right
you gotta adjust
yeah
so the early morning
5am till 9
the late morning
10am till 1
the afternoon
2 till 7
and the evening
7 onwards
okay
yeah if you're a night owl
you just move one
and have one like 10 till
1am or something. So there seems to be an hour off in all of those.
Like you finish
at 1 but you don't start again till 2.
No, including the
hour of 1. Yeah, that was self-explanatory.
Well, I was thinking it'd be great to have some
time off between quarters. No, no.
Yeah, you could just be a pile of shit.
You know, just like absolutely.
So what's the idea behind having quarters?
So the idea is like say you start the day off in a bad way or something goes wrong,
most people will drop into a mentality of like, oh, this whole day sucks.
Like I'm having a bad day.
Write it off.
This day's a write off.
Maybe I'm going to choose not to eat very well now.
I'm tired.
I'm exhausted.
Yeah, or if you wake up in the morning and, like myself yesterday,
start the day with a steak and cheese ciabatta toasty
that lays in your stomach for, I don't know, what day is it now?
Over 24 hours.
Then you might kind of get into that thing of being like,
well, today I'm just going to eat terribly and whatever.
But by compartmentalising it, you can go,
okay, well, that quarter didn't go as it, you can go, okay, well that quarter
didn't go as expected.
Like I didn't eat well in that quarter.
I didn't drink enough water in that quarter.
Didn't drink enough water in that quarter.
Didn't achieve what I wanted to achieve in that
quarter. Then you know I've still got
these other quarters left
that I can turn it around.
Right. Rather than kind of thinking
of the day as one and this day sucks going, that moment wasn't good, this quarter wasn't good, now I can turn it around. Right. Rather than kind of thinking of the day as one and this day sucks going,
that moment wasn't good, this quarter wasn't good,
now I can turn it around.
And it's supposed to boost productivity and mental health.
Okay.
Dividing your day, they say,
is an excellent way to avoid ruminating
about a negative experience
because you go, okay, well, that was in the second quarter,
but the first quarter was quite good
and now I've got two more to go. Or like hitting a wall, a productivity
blip, they call it, reducing negative thinking.
Putting your past behind you.
Yeah.
Okay.
This is good for us, because we work in that first quarter, and then the rest of the day
is just fun time.
Well, when the show finishes, in the second quarter of the day, you're proposing to go to the cafe
to get slices and treats. Yeah, I did say, let's go to RuPaul
and get slices and treats. But that's my
gym quarter and my lunch quarter.
No, wait.
That's not 10.
We can get that done at 9. And it
falls into this already miserable
first quarter. Oh, yeah, because 9
includes the hour of 9.
You can be trash with us. Come on. Because look at your first quarter. You, yeah, because nine includes the hour of nine. It includes the hour of nine. You can be trash with us.
Come on.
Okay.
Because look at your first quarter.
You've got fruit.
Oh, you've worked.
You've done a great job
in the show.
Yeah, but then I'm going to ruin this.
I think today was one of your best shows.
I find it very hard
to move into the next two quarters
and I'm just like,
well, it's a write-off.
I may as well just eat poorly now.
You need to work on
your quarter method. Okay. Because your last two quarters are going to be fantastic. Your first as well just eat poorly now. You need to work on your quarter method.
Okay.
Because your last two quarters are going to be fantastic.
Your first one, just in that little one with us, just have a little.
And then it's just a win for the day.
Okay.
I'm going to adopt this.
This is good.
Have fun with the quarter method. Silly Little Pole, Silly Little Pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole.
Well, today's silly little pole.
Couple PDAs at the gym.
Yeah, let them be all over each other.
Or, nah, gross.
It's gross. It is gross. It's gross, right?
It is gross.
It's not a sexy place, the gym, eh?
Like, I mean, there are sexy people sometimes,
but it's not a sexy place.
Sexy people working on their sexy bodies.
Getting all sweaty and stuff.
Pheromones are in the air,
but not exactly the most hygienic place for a little smooch.
For a smooch.
Yeah. Couple of BDs at PDA at the gym. But, yeah, no, not exactly the most hygienic place for a little smooch. For a smooch. Smoochy kiss.
Yeah.
Couple of beaties at PDA at the gym.
Nah, gross.
90% of respondents.
10% said, yeah, let them be all over each other.
10% is still surprising to me.
Oh, I saw a gym couple the other day.
They were putting, why do people wear those big belts around their waist?
Stop their backs.
Stop their back from going.
Oh, yeah, they were doing, like, something with that,
and they'd just take turns putting it on each other.
Ew.
Get two belts.
Get two belts, or just put it on yourself.
Yeah.
I was a bit like, that's kind of gross, right?
Like, I mean, they weren't, like, kissing each other and stuff.
No.
I've only worked out with Aaron, like, at home.
During lockdown stuff, we worked out a lot.
No kissing.
Or, like like when we travel
yeah
because he goes to
a different gym to me
yeah
so when we travel
if we go to like
a local gym
or something
we'll work out together
but no
it was a couple
of my gym
it wasn't kissing
it was like
bum smacks
when they were finished
and they were like
moving around
a whack
good work
a little whack
on the butt
on the glute
little glute tap
yeah
get that fat dumpy
get that give that fat dumpy a little whack.
Well, they're quite an overwhelming response on the poll.
Zoe says, a couple at my gym do a partner workout and kiss after each set, even cardio.
It's like, yuck, you can't be that in love, surely.
Ooh, salty kisses.
Yeah, they would be salty, too.
The sweaty, salty kisses.
Scott says, heck yeah.
Why are you watching?
Get back to your workout.
True.
Nicole says, ooh, yuck.
Two sweaty people mixing their bodily fluids
where everyone just wants to cry on the treadmill in peace.
Leave me alone.
Georgia is just across the board.
Couple PDAs anywhere equals revolting.
Yeah, that was fair.
Outside of the gym.
Yeah, same.
She might be single, though.
I believe it's our very own Georgia,
because Georgia's behind you pulling faces saying she agrees.
Oh, really?
No, she's hot on PDA.
Are you hot on PDA?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you love PDA.
Well, she's out there with her partner now,
absolutely macking out.
Yeah.
Get a room, you two.
Maybe he should go to work.
He should go to work.
Go to work.
Go to work.
He's running late.
I am going to work.
Stop patching up Georgia in the producer's booth.
It's making Jared very uncomfortable.
Oh, poor Jared.
Hannah writes.
Is that uncomfortable?
Yeah.
He likes it.
He's a little creep.
He's doing some creeping.
I can't even remember the last time Jared blinked.
Are you creeping?
No, I'm not creeping.
He's creeping.
Do you still go to the gym?
No, not for a long while, but I am considering rejoining.
Oh, okay.
You should come to the trip with us.
Have you seen any PDAs?
I don't want these people talking into this psycho cycle class.
I did see some PDA.
I walked into an empty gym and saw the gym manager person
having a little
pash with
someone she was
seeing.
At the workplace?
Yeah.
Right in the middle
of the floor.
That is unprofessional.
That's unprofessional.
Hannah says
just why?
Why do they
need to do it there?
Yeah.
Manitus.
I don't know
if that's the
thought.
It might be
manatee.
It's a manatee's reply.
What's their take on it?
Give them a cabbage.
Drop a cabbage in the tank.
Do the manatees love the cabbage?
They love leafy vegetables.
What do you call them?
Vegetarians.
Are they vegans or do they like eggs and cheese?
It was weird to see a tubby vegetarian.
Well, technically, that'd be a vegan
because they're not eating any animal products.
Controversial.
Oh, no, a manatee's chubby and all it eats is grass.
Mind you, so is a cow.
I mean, if you eat enough of anything, you'll be a little bit chubby.
I'm just going to Google,
can I drop a wheel of cheese into a manatee?
Don't eat, don't feed the manatee dairy.
It'll get diarrhea.
Do animals eat dairy?
Yeah, famously,
mammals do as in child,
you know,
when they're like babies,
they feed off their
manatees.
No, of course.
The Flowrider manatee
will feed almost exclusively
on plants found
in their habitat.
After birth,
the baby at birth,
they rely on their mother's milk.
Milk, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, so maybe they could do a cheese.
As long as you made it from manatee milk.
If I make milk, is it dairy?
Is it?
I'm lactating, so it's lactose.
Yeah, I don't know.
Do I make dairy milk?
Also, can I just, for any Flowrider American listeners
or listeners in the Caribbean, please do not feed manatees.
It's illegal.
To feed the manatees.
Crazy that you needed to Google this to find out.
I wouldn't have ever feed the manatees.
Jeez.
Back to Manatee, who messaged in for a little while.
At the most, an encouraging smack on the ass, maybe a quick peck,
but absolutely please do not make out.
Open mouth at the gym.
Disgusting.
Well, I feel like Manatee said PDA is okay to a certain level, so now you're just bargaining.
You've got rules, yeah.
Josh says life's too short to not appreciate your partner, and you should appreciate them
whenever you get the chance.
Oh, yuck.
I love like that.
I've got no time for it.
Yeah, Josh is very handsy.
Josh will be walking in the mall and put his hand into her ass pocket.
Oh, yeah, yuck
Or loop on her belt
Oh yeah
And then every now and then you'll just see a little squeeze
Like he's just checking that the ass is still there
Get a grip, Josh
I feel like Josh leans in and every time he kisses he sort of gets into the air
Yeah, he lingers
It's not just a quick one, he lingers in there and he's like
I love you so much, I want you to feel Josh's breath
We are one
Let's share breath
And she's just like
This guy's getting too much
Yeah it's too much man
We've been together
For like four weeks
And Lana says
Aww
Lana says
No one likes seeing
Their gym crush
All over somebody else
Laugh face to laugh face
Aww
That's true
If it's the hottie
You know
And they're making out
With someone else
God I want to make you
Feel terrible
ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley