ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 18th October 2022
Episode Date: October 17, 2022Emojis Haylien News Top 6: Bird of the Year Silly Little Poll! Producer Jared's Journey to Health Asking for a Friend Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener ...for privacy information.
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The ZM Podcast Network.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.
Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast.
It's thanks to McCafe.
Download, scan and play the Monopoly game at Maccas to be in to win.
I don't imagine people are tired of hearing of our journey to health.
Oh, they'll never tire.
Do you think people listening have bets on when we fall off the journey to health
and they see us on Instagram at a bar?
Dude, Sunday I fell off.
Don't worry about it.
This is why if you're still taking your weekends, it's just a detour.
My body doesn't love that.
But anyway, on our journey to health yesterday, we had a hell of a day, didn't we?
Yeah.
And Fletch and I went to a spin class, which Vaughan came with.
Hayley was up.
Why?
No, I don't want to.
Hayley was nearly late because it was A female rugby team
Yeah there was
The Italian
The Italian
Female rugby team
Rugby team
To be fair
And you couldn't get out
Of the changing rooms
Because you said
They were taking up
All the lockers
Or the showers
Yeah they were taking up
All the space
Right okay
Because you were down there
A long time
Yeah well I was just
You know being friendly
Yeah right
Being friendly
Lovely
I didn't let them See me looking Right But I did do a strategic Walk past in my long time yeah well i was just you know being friendly yeah right okay lovely yeah i wasn't i
didn't let them see me looking right but i did do a strategic walk past in my gym g okay because i
got a famously you showed them the dumper you can't show the italians the dumper can i just
say producer jared is absolutely shocked that you were parading around oh you should see this thing
the changing room in front of the female rugby team.
You know that you've had multiple lesbians tell you that that's.
A phenomenal dumper.
It's a magnet.
One of the benefits of gaining 10 kgs in a year is most of it's at the dumper.
Yeah, right.
Okay.
Anyway, you know, we did.
I finally got out of the changing room and I was running to the spin class
and we got on and it was packed.
In fact, we couldn't get in at first. class and we got on and it was packed in fact we
couldn't get in at first yeah we got a message saying there was a couple of spots open so we
went great that's us went in and every bike one by one was taken up here comes another person they
adjust the bike hop on another person they just the bike hop on every single bike in the studio
was taken except for the one next to Fletch. Why?
We were in a good position too.
It was a great spot.
What did you do?
It's not like we were in a crap corner.
Do I look scary or smelly?
Do I smell?
Do I smelly?
Do I look smelly?
Or too hard out.
Maybe they don't want to go next to you because you go too hard out.
Maybe it's because you look ripped.
Yeah.
And people don't want to sit next to a ripped guy.
I know because this happens to me on the bus.
People don't sit next to me on the bus or the train either.
Oh, because you look like you're there because you've had your license taken off you.
Is that why?
No.
I don't know.
Maybe I take up too much of the seat.
But I don't know.
And I said to Hayley, I was like, okay, this class is full except for the bike next to me.
And it's a good bike.
Like people were choosing.
Even the bike that's situated behind a pole where you can't see the instructor.
Someone was sitting there.
Someone was sitting there.
Yeah, I know.
I wondered if it was because people think we're silly gooses and we'll be distracting.
Because we get on the bike and we're laughing.
You are a couple of silly geese.
Oh my God.
Yesterday she started sniggering.
I was sniggering because the instructor
kept saying, what was it like
drill down harder
the harder you push
the faster it'll come
What the fuck
And Hayley just started laughing
and I was just trying to even breathe for oxygen
I was just like
The words he was saying, it was like
innuendo
He didn't even acknowledge the innuendo of it.
No, but I think it was accidental innuendo.
I think it was accidental that he was saying, yeah.
Just dirty minds.
Yeah, push down harder and then it will come.
That's not it.
He knows what he's saying.
I don't know if he does.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Jesus, someone needs to tell him if not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you said, oh,, the harder we push now
The bigger the release soon
Because we were on the grind
That was another laugh
The harder we grind now, the bigger the release
For when we're doing the sprint
That's what I used to say to the ladies on the dance floor
At the Outback
The harder we grind, the bigger the release
So rude
He knows
Come join us in a class, Vaughn.
You'll love it.
Oh, no, thank you.
Because at the end of the day, the harder we grind, Vaughn,
the bigger the release.
Also, Vaughn only does cardio when he can just put his iPad in front.
What's your heart rate doing?
People are like, oh, I don't like cardio.
I love cardio because you just get on a treadmill or that climbing machine
and you put your iPad on a TV show you want to watch
and you forget you're doing cardio as best you can.
Would it be, how hard are you going?
Hard, girl, hard.
Because I feel like you're distinctive.
Who won our last challenge over the seven days?
Yeah, but I didn't wear my watch for three of those days.
Yeah, well, that's your fault.
Play ZDM's Fledge, Vaughn, and Hayley.
Thank you, Sam.
Good morning.
Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Three minutes past six.
Good morning.
Good morning.
What were you getting out of your handbag?
Nail file.
Oh, right.
I've been chipping my nails all bloody week.
Oh, no.
And you know me, I take great pride in my appearance
at this hour of the day.
Yeah.
So you're going to do
some nail filing?
Yeah, I've just got
a little sharp bit.
I've got to get to my,
I've got to get to my gal, Soph.
But, um,
busy times, you know,
so I'm just going to do it myself.
You're right, okay.
I mean, this will mean nothing
for anybody listening,
but there was someone we used to work with who spent their entire radio show
like doing their nails.
Oh, really?
Like filing them, doing the cuticles, and it drove their co-host crazy.
No, I don't.
But you imagine that noise.
Do it again?
Like every night.
Yeah.
And then like a.
It was non-stop too.
A cuticle pushback and a painting of the nails.
Oh, get a grip.
I will say they didn't last long on radio.
Yeah, it's an omen.
I will say they didn't last long on radio.
It's an omen.
Oh, really?
Okay, well, that's going down.
Yeah, right.
I was just saying.
Don't leave me.
Please don't leave me behind.
Please don't leave me behind.
Put me out to pasture.
Please don't leave me behind.
Please, guys.
Coming up on the show, the top six.
Bird of the Year is back.
And for some reason, the humble cockapoo has been banned from the competition.
Why?
Now, Forrest and Bird are saying to avoid it stealing the limelight.
Yeah.
But I think there's more to it.
The top six actual conspiracies of why the cockakapo is banned from Bird of the Year.
Get to the bottom of this.
Yeah.
Start some vicious rumors along the way.
Oh, they're beautiful though, aren't they?
Yeah, they are.
The green.
Fat green ground parrot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Stop at the pass.
No.
That's Kears.
Oh, that's Kears.
Oh, I like them.
Can they be Bird of the Year?
No, they're naughty. They ruin your car. Yeah, that's Kiers. Oh, I like them. Can they be better than you? No, they're naughty.
They ruin your car.
Yeah, they take your window wipers off.
They'll pick the tyres of your electric scooter.
Yeah, they're great.
I like Kiers.
No, the Kakapo's the little fat dumpy one that hides in trees.
Oh, yeah.
I don't see that enough.
Nah, it was the one that humped Stephen Fry's head, though, wasn't it?
Yeah, I believe so.
Yeah, that rings a bell.
It's done some high-profile humping.
Okay.
But it's banned.
I'll give you the top six reasons why.
All right, it's coming up.
Next, though.
Vaughn's got six things to give you.
I've got ten.
Ooh.
I've got the ten emojis.
Well, Vaughn's doing 11 now, so.
Top 11?
No, I'm definitely not doing 11.
You're doing the top 11?
Wow, I can't wait.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I have the 10 emojis only old people use.
So if you're using one of these emojis, you're old.
What's classed as old?
I saw some of this in the weekend, these Gen Z saying, don't thumbs up me.
I'll thumbs up who I want.
Ew, that's so poo.
I will thumbs up who I damn well please.
Use your words. And I'll do it like this. I'll show my who I damn well please. Use your words.
And I'll do it like this.
I'll show my teeth and I do it too like.
Real passing.
I also want to cross-reference our frequently used emojis.
Okay, all right.
It's next on the show.
Play.
ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.
Well, we did actually mention
Recently that the
Millennials and the Gen Zers
Hate the thumbs up emoji
Yeah
As a response
And then you just mentioned before Vaughan
You bloody love it
Well I just thought
Just you know
Or that one that's like
Okay
Oh babe
Oh no
Oh yeah
Both of them are on there aren't they
Oh babe
Oh man As I go through this list I would appreciate Oh, babe. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Both of them are on there, aren't they? Oh, babe.
Oh, man.
As I go through this list, I would appreciate if we were to bring up our keyboards, our emojis.
Yeah.
And go to your frequently used.
Absolutely.
Just to... Stand by.
Oh, no.
Oh, here we go.
I reckon I'm going to have a few because I know that the laugh cry is overused.
Is that on the list, the laugh cry?
The laugh cry rules.
Shut your face, Gen Z.
Let's see.
I'm starting to get real pissed off.
At Gen Z.
I see that people just, the media, they play generations off against each other.
Oh, they love it.
Like the boomers were always like, it's like youth crime.
And then it's like,
they had a problem
because of the word youth
in front of it.
Yeah, right.
But now we're a little bit older
and they're trying to slip
the youth crime in on us
to be angry at the young people.
And then this is firing back
and like,
oh, look at these emojis,
the old gen,
the gen Ys and the gen blah, blah, blah.
And it's just,
everybody's trying to set off
each other against each other.
You know?
Yeah.
And I'm buying into it.
Yeah, but remember recently we ranked generations
and we all agree Gen Z sucks.
I buy you, Gen Z sucks.
They're the worst.
We're being conditioned to think Gen Z sucks.
No, no, no, no, they do suck.
Oh, they do suck.
They do suck.
Why do they look a bit pretentious and such?
Confirmed.
Yeah, yeah, and they don't party.
They need to let loose. Yeah, yeah. And they don't party. They need to let loose.
Yeah, yeah.
They need to let loose.
Okay, so there's been a big...
They are the antithesis of you.
I know.
Oh, my God.
Boy, did I.
Did I youth.
Yeah, you youth.
Let's just say, boy, did I rock those 20s.
So there's been a big poll done online.
16 to 29-year-olds shared their opinions. Oh, my God. Am I not young anymore? No. Da-da-da-da-da. 16 to 29 year olds shared their opinions.
Oh my God,
am I not young anymore?
No.
R-A-P-U.
33.
So they shared their opinions
on what were the lamest
and most embarrassing
and most boomery
emojis.
Number 10,
and I want us to,
we each get a point
if we have one.
Okay.
And then whoever has the most points
is the oldest loser.
Okay.
Is the grimmest face. Is that the...
No, I don't have that one. I love that guy.
Okay, one point for me and Vaughn each.
Number nine, the kiss.
The actual lips.
No. No, I don't have it either.
Oh, yeah, I do. Wait, the actual lips.
Yeah, like the... Not the
face don't... Like a lipstick print.
No, like a lipstick. Like the lipstick print. You've got the lipstick. Oh, like the... Not the face. Like a lipstick print. Like that.
No, like a lipstick.
Like the lipstick print.
You've got the lipstick print.
Oh, no, no, I don't have that.
I've just got the emoji with the kiss.
Oh, do you?
Either way, I want to know the story behind why those are there.
It's strange because you don't have a partner.
It's cute.
Wow.
Just smattering those about, are you?
Wow, just sending off these kisses everywhere.
By the way, I just want to say I've got a picture of a cake in my emojis.
Well, hang on, hang on.
Okay.
So grimace face.
We're on one point.
You're on zero still.
Number eight, clappy hands.
I've got it.
Yeah, I've got it.
No.
All right, we're on two.
This isn't looking good for you and me, Vaughn.
Number seven, monkey eye cover.
No.
Like see no evil.
I've got the other eye cover with the emoji face and one eye peeking through.
That's my fave, one of my faves.
No, it's monkey in particular.
That's a relatively new one, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
Yeah, okay, so monkey.
Number six, laugh, cry face.
Yes.
Oh, guys, I don't have that.
I'm on the board.
What do you want?
You don't have laugh, cry face.
I'm on three.
You're on three.
I'm on two.
You're on one.
Fletch.
Number five, poo. No, I don't um number five who no i don't have no i
don't have it either classy do you grow up you were classy yeah we're a classy show uh okay the
marksman say number four just the tick like a check mark yeah i do why do i have that there
well okay well i'm on i'm on two two three va two, three, Vaughan. Number three, okay hand.
Got it.
I've got it.
No, I love it.
I'm on, I'm on.
It's almost like my version of the thumbs up.
Yeah, right.
Like, okay, gotcha.
Message received.
Yeah.
A-okay.
All right, four, three, two.
Number two, red heart.
I've got it.
Yeah, I got it.
Five, four, three
Number one is the Thumbs Up
Which I don't have
I've got that
Six, three, four
No, six, four
Four
Four
So what am I?
Six
No, no, no, you're old
You use
You use six out of ten
Of the lamest emojis
You're only as old
As the person you feel
This is gonna make you
Hate Gen Z more now
Nah they're alright
They're doing okay
They're doing good stuff
They are doing good stuff
But also
You know
I mean every generation
Has got some dicks
Right
I don't think we should Judge Gen Z by the dickiest of their.
Like, we've got some dicks in our generation too.
Oh, there's dicks.
The world's full of dicks.
Exactly.
Regardless of generation.
Yeah.
Regardless of race, colour or creed.
Yeah.
Humans are dicks.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, next on the show, news from outside of this planet.
I'm pushing for this to be a regular feature.
Halian News.
I like it.
I like it a lot.
You know I love my alien news.
You really go, you're not into conspiracy theories until we leave Earth.
Producer Jared, get me some X-Files, please.
Oh, you simply must.
It's next.
ZM.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Here's our new regular, I want to say maybe every third day, feature.
Hayley and News.
You need to record a thing, an intro for it and get a voice distorter on you.
Hayley and News.
I don't need a dist news. I don't need
a distorter.
You don't need
the air.
Wow.
I mean,
I think every...
Have you ever
talked about the time
I saw a...
Fletch has definitely
heard the story.
A UFO as a child.
Did you?
Well, so it was
really weird.
My granddad,
Papa,
he lived up the road
from us and he rang
and he said,
now I'm looking down
towards your place
and I'm seeing
some very strange
lights in the sky.
Oh my God, Papa. And my dad was like, hold on, I'll go and have a look. And he stuck his head out and he's like, now, I'm looking down towards your place and I'm seeing some very strange lights in the sky. Oh, my God, Papa.
And my dad was like, hold on, I'll go and have a look.
And he stuck his head out.
He's like, yeah, I can see it.
Now, it was the weirdest interaction between two Kiwi males.
It was like, yeah, I can see it.
What do you reckon it is?
Don't know.
What do you reckon?
Don't know.
What do you reckon?
Could be aliens or something.
Well, I don't know.
What do you reckon it is?
Well, I'm not saying it's aliens or anything.
Yeah, yeah.
And then we were just looking and it was real weird.
I don't know what it was.
Nowadays you just say it was a drone because it was just this light,
and it was like a solid light, and it was going back and forth,
back and forward, up, down, like real erratic.
Sounds like Papa and Dad were on the mushies.
No.
We'd all eaten them.
Maybe it was autumn.
We may have had some wild field mushrooms.
And a stir fry Oh yeah
Yeah
Oh and I would have been a rice risotto
With pineapple and chicken
Yes
She
Pineapple and a risotto
Dude
I'm here for
Did you ever have a diamond
A diamond packet rice risotto
No
She went to a private school
Oh she was bougie
Private school kids
No I had a slow cooked
Pumpkin and burnt butter sage
I'm kidding
I'm kidding I did it kidding, I didn't.
Well, I love reading alien news.
Right.
Because it's only a matter of time until we find them.
Or they find us.
This is what I used to believe until this alien news,
where scientists have a theory that we may be too late
and that alien life on Mars may have already died out before us
due to a change in climate caused by themselves.
But wouldn't we be able to see their buildings,
like their old McDonald's and stuff?
No, but by the time we go, we'll... Now, is that old McDonald's that had a farm or old McDonald's and stuff? No, but like by the time we go, we'll...
Now, is that old McDonald's that had a farm or old McDonald's as in...
Yeah, the farms.
...a prehistoric McDonald's burger franchise?
A prehistoric burger franchise.
Oh, okay.
Oh.
Well, no, because they're saying this could be 3.7 billion years ago.
But isn't the universe only 4.5 or 6 billion?
Like how many...
It's alien years. It's alien news.
It's alien news.
So scientists believe that it's likely microorganisms.
Okay.
Sorry.
I was going to say what scientists.
Scientists.
When I say scientists, just know you can trust me.
The Church of Scientology scientists.
No, no, not those fools.
Scientists.
They believe it's likely that microorganisms, aka aliens,
on Mars were thriving under
the surface of the red
planet 3.7 billion years ago.
But these organisms
were eventually the cause of their own demise
by depleting the planet's
hydrogen supply in the atmosphere
and triggering an ice age that led to their
extinction.
AKA climate change. The aliens, atmosphere and triggering an ice age that led to their extinction.
AKA climate change.
The aliens, the Martians
did climate change before we did.
So they're under there now
still? No, they're dead.
But did they not have much of a climate?
I don't know.
Did they change it? But there wasn't
much because if they were just like microorganisms
and stuff. Yeah, I don't know. But were just like microorganisms and stuff.
Yeah, I don't know.
But we started as microorganisms
and then we grew into fish
and then grew into monkeys.
But did they have a McDonald's or not?
I don't think,
I don't believe.
I'm just searching the page.
They did have a McDonald's
but the mix stood for microorganism McDonald's.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, okay.
Microdonald's.
Microorganism Donald's.
Yeah.
But anyway, look, I know, you know, climate change is a terrible thing, but we didn't invent it.
We didn't invent it.
Yeah, right.
The aliens did.
You're saying it's been done before.
Yeah.
Wow, that's incredible.
Halian news.
They have absolutely self-destructed themselves as we are on the track to do so as well.
So we should learn a lesson, is what you're saying.
So according to the study...
I will not be taught.
According to the study,
billions of years ago,
Mars was a habitable climate
for life
with a moist and warm climate
until these microorganisms
sucked out all the good stuff,
like us,
and ruined it.
Stay tuned for more Halean news.
Daily feature?
I probably wouldn't
It's definitely
a before seven feature
Yeah
I don't know if it'll
crack prime time
You lucky early risers
get updated on
on recent Halean activity
Alright the top six
is next on the show
and Bird of the Year
is back
and the kakapo
has been banned
from Bird of the Year
Which is the top six reasons the real reasons why
play zm's fledge for denali play zm from the panoramic zm think tank this is the top six
it's that time of the year again Bird of the year
I'm just looking through the list
Yes, I love me a New Zealand falcon
I love it
Now every year there's controversy
There's always Russian bots
Do you think the Russians, they're busy at the moment
I think they've got a couple of things on their plate
A little bit tied up
Do you think they'll meddle with our bird of the year voting this year?
I don't know.
Stay out of it, you know?
Yeah.
There also should be New Zealand's worst bird of the year,
and the pukeku would definitely win that.
Seagull.
Because I don't like them.
They're just roadkill.
Yeah, they've done too well.
They've done too well in a human climate.
Oh, yeah.
Are they the ones that you...
It's the roo-roo for me. It's the roo-roo for me.
It's the roo-roo.
Look at the roo-roo.
The poo kickers, are they the ones that you were shooting
and then you realised you shouldn't be because you're not allowed to?
No, no, no.
I was within.
I shot one and it turned just a happy coincidence.
Yep.
It was within the season.
Oh, fantastic.
Just a happy coincidence.
Oh, lovely.
I didn't know there was a season.
But turns out there is.
But a happy coincidence was it was within the season. Great. I'm going kereroo. I'm always kereroo, lovely. I didn't know there was a season. But turns out there is. But a happy coincidence was, it was within the season.
Great. I'm going kereru. I'm always
kereru though. But it won not
that many years ago. Yeah.
The ruru. Get on board, more pork.
The ruru. I love that. I've got one of them.
He got big eyes. He looks at you
and he's like, what's happening here?
Is he still at yours? Yep.
You know your big fat cat is out there
chasing rabbits.
He's too stealthy.
He's too stealthy.
Your cat would never get up a tree though.
No, no, no, no, no.
Because that involves gravity.
I think your moor pork is safe.
Yeah.
He uses gravity to hunt rabbits because when they're on the ground,
he jumps on top of them and they can't move.
He smothers them.
But when it involves climbing a tree, absolutely can't do it.
Yeah.
How long since the Tui one?
I bloody love the Tui too.
Great bird.
Solid bird.
Great plumage.
Wonderful song.
Maybe the best song.
White little tuft at the front.
Yeah, dressed formally,
you know, got a real formal
feel to it.
A real formal bird.
Out of left field though,
what if there was room
for the sparrow this year?
No, no, no.
Get out.
Not so native.
Okay, it's out.
I tried. The kahoo, the
harrier, like the hawk that you're
always like, are you going to move when it's on the road?
Oh yeah. And then it just goes
and he's off.
They rule too. Do you know what?
Where I march, where we train,
there's a couple of kingfishers.
Oh yeah, I love the kingfishers. The kotare,
is that the Maori name for the kingfishers? Yeah, maybe.
They keep hanging around, and they're beautiful.
Yeah, I love them.
We've got a few of them at home, too.
Well, there's one bird this year you won't be able to vote for.
I'm just looking.
Definitely not on the list.
The kakapo.
Crazy, eh?
The kakapo.
Not in the running.
Now, the reason is it's already won twice.
Oh, they don't want it to win again?
It won in 2008 and in 2020.
And they say it's too darn cute.
And that little fat little ground parrot is going to rob the other birds.
And there's only one type of kākāpō.
You might be thinking, like, the kiwi would romp in.
But there's seven different types, or more, of kiwi. So, you know, you'll split the kiwi would romp in, but there's seven different types or more of Kiwi.
So, you know, you'll split the Kiwi vote.
Yeah.
I never knew there were seven types.
Neither.
Yeah, there's like...
Sporty.
Great Northern.
Spicy.
Ginger.
Yep.
Basically, the Spice Girls.
Posh.
Baby Kakapo.
The big one.
Posh Kiwi.
Yeah.
So, yeah, the Kakapos are not in.
Okay.
And definitely not a lifetime ban, says Forest and Bird spokesperson Alan Rikers.
Okay.
You know, if the same bird keeps winning every year, that might make it not so interesting.
They must have had a bit of a sniff.
Yeah, right.
Because, you know, 2020, what, two years ago it won.
Is it unfair that it's not been let in again now?
But I have deeper
suspicions. Okay. And here's the top
six reasons the kākāpō is
actually banned from Bird of the Year. Number six.
It's a sex pest.
Okay. It's got that energy.
It's a real humper and a flapper.
Isn't that the problem with these birds? Is there
not enough sex pests and they're not breeding
enough? Because they're sex pests in the hats.
There's actually a hat.
They wear and the kākāpō humps the hat and they're not breeding enough? Because they're sex pests in the hats. There's actually a hat that they wear and the kakapo humps
the hat and they collect the
semen. How embarrassing
to be the hat wearer.
How embarrassing. But how embarrassing to be
the bird humping the hat.
It's like, oh, do you want to hump, you know,
one of your own kind, perhaps?
Increase your population numbers.
No, no, just the hat for me.
Number five on the list of the top six reasons
the kakapo is actually banned from Bird of the Year 2022.
I heard.
Oh, okay.
I heard.
It's been busted as part of a meth ring
and it's got a home detention bracelet on now.
And also got the nanny.
So it's a meth.
Yeah, got the nanny pregnant.
Right.
Oh, my God.
That's why.
It's trying to keep you.
Don't believe everything you read online.
It's a scandal bird.
It's a scandal bird.
It's got a lot of like, where's the kakapo?
Okay, yeah, right.
Where?
Yeah.
Something to consider.
Number four on the list of the top six reasons
their kakapo is actually banned from Bird of the Year.
Every case of name suppression lately,
you know, you hear like,
Yeah, it's him.
The course-granted name suppression,
it's a kakapo.
Yeah.
Really?
God, I've had a trouble with,
I've had a troubled 18 months.
Jeez.
Since the dizzying heights of the 2021,
which brings us along to number three on the list of the top six reasons
cockapoo is banned from Bird of the Year.
Its fame went to its head on its previous wins and developed a nasty drug habit.
It's done rehab, but fears the fame will be detrimental to its ongoing recovery.
So it's for its own safety.
It's for its own good.
It's opted out.
To be admired, really.
And just makes it my bird of the year
before voting even begins.
Unless that's going to turn it back
to the drugs. Yeah, don't tell it that.
No, I won't tell it that. Number two on the list of the top
six reasons the kakapo is banned
from bird of the year. It was the one that
paid the Russians to mess with the votes last time.
Oh, okay. Yeah, it engaged
Russians. It's got a gambling addiction.
That's why I'm covering that. Loves the online slots. Yeah. Click, click, okay. Yeah, it engaged Russians. Got a gambling addiction. Yeah, that's why I'm covering that.
Yeah.
Loves the online slots.
Yeah.
Click, click, click, ting, ting, ting, starts.
Oh, it's wooden real money, and then you know you're gone.
And number one on the list of the top six reasons the kakapo is banned from Bird of the Year 2022.
Some racist and homophobic tweets from 2009.
Oh, no.
Racist.
Yeah.
It was saying all bluebirds are trash.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Green.
Big up the greens.
Yeah, green lives matter.
That sort of.
Yeah, right.
Okay.
Yeah.
Bad take.
Bad, bad take.
That is today's top six.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Silly little poe. Silly little pole.
Silly little pole.
It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole.
Silly little pole.
Silly little pole.
Silly little pole.
Silly little pole.
Fletch has got a stat.
But when you, you put your hand up when you want to say your stat.
Okay, okay.
I've got a stat about air fryers.
Well, today's silly little poll is do you still use your air fryer?
Because everyone was just going crazy about air fryers.
Did you guys get one?
No, we never did.
I never did.
Did you?
Yeah, we got one.
And the friends that I know that had them rave about them and still love them.
We just got the Kmart one.
It wasn't that expensive.
Yeah, we used it for a bit.
I mean, it didn't blow my socks off.
It does one hell of a salmon.
Oh, does it?
Because I love salmon.
Does it do a good salmon?
It does a good salmon.
It doesn't take long at all.
Well, that's the idea of the Air Fryer Air.
It's quick.
It's real quick and you don't need oil.
Yeah.
But, I mean, it's fine. I mean real quick and you don't need oil. Yeah. But I mean, it's fine.
I mean, we don't have a kitchen at the moment.
So we use an electric fry pan.
I would have thought this is when you would have been really using the air fryer.
So did I.
We've got it out in our temporary bedroom kitchen.
But we just use the electric fry pan for everything.
Take the kitchen to the bedroom with the new temporary bedroom kitchen.
Spice up your love life with some air fryer salmon.
Is it noisy?
Are they noisy?
Yeah.
They are.
They're like a fan.
Right.
I really feel the pandemic thrust air fryers into our lives.
Social media.
Yeah, social media and the pandemic.
Well, no, no, no.
You put your hand up if you're ready to tell you.
Oh, just before I give you the results of if you still use your air fryer.
Fletch has an air fryer stat.
Well, at the start of this year, in America alone,
over 25 million air fryers were sold in the last two years.
Wow.
These things have been around for years, though.
Yeah, I've been watching infomercials about them when I was a kid.
Same.
So was it social media that did it?
It was just like TikTok meals and being like,
oh, my God, you've got to do these potato fries. being like, oh my God, you gotta do these like potato fries.
And maybe just a reminder that, you know,
people are time poor.
Yeah.
Yeah, and diet culture.
Sales increased 76% compared to the previous year.
Wow.
So blame social media.
76% increase in sales.
66% of people still love their air fryer.
Yeah.
Nah, got over it.
Some other people said 34%.
And I just didn't vote because I don't have one.
So I stayed the hell out of it.
I voted for nah, I'm over it.
Right.
Well, this is the feedback.
Lads love air fryers.
I bet they do because they're easy and quick.
Jason says, hell yes. The oven has been put into retirement.
Only good for storage of dirty pots.
Air fryer forever.
No, and they're so ugly.
They're like big bushy.
They are a bit ugly.
They're big.
No, you get those cute little eyes like we've got on the back of the monitor here.
Googly eyes.
Googly eyes.
Put them on your air fryer.
That's pretty cute.
It doesn't get too hot to touch.
I don't know anything about it.
Roll the dice on that.
Tom says, another lad, literally God's gift to this earth.
I would get rid of the oven if they did an air fryer in a bigger size.
But then that probably is just an air powered oven.
They do do air powered ovens, don't they?
Yeah, it's called a fan force oven.
Welcome to the world of fan bake, mate.
Yeah, welcome's called a fan force oven. Welcome to the world of fan bake, mate. Yeah, welcome to 1997.
No, but don't they do like proper, like...
Oh, yeah, you can get some bougie.
Yeah, you get some real bougie ovens.
Linda says, for a couple, it's great.
Can quickly cook some chicken tenders or fries
without having to preheat the oven.
Yeah.
And even in the oven, fries are a nightmare in the oven.
Yeah.
Tossing.
You've got to watch them and toss them and keep them moving. Oil.
A lot of oil, but the air fryer apparently
does it better.
Zoe says,
yars for reheating day-old
pizza. Oh, it is good for that.
Is it? Because it's quick.
It's a little bit longer than a microwave.
How long? It's crispy. Five minutes, ten minutes?
Can they burn your house down?
Get anything to burn your house down?
Like, no, but if you set it going, do you have to press stomp?
You can definitely burn things in it.
I've burnt cauliflower in it before.
So if you just kept cooking something.
How'd you put cauliflower?
What did you do that for?
I was going to do crispy, crunchy cauliflower.
Oh.
And I'd had all the florets in it.
Were you trying to do our...
I wasn't trying to do Korean.
Okay.
Korean cauliflower bites.
Yeah. I wasn't trying to do Korean. Okay, Korean cauliflower bites.
Kat says, same amount of dishes, less bench space, splatter to clean.
Which is just a whole lot of words, Kat.
How a sentence works is you've got to structure a little bit because I'm confused as to what she means.
Same amount of dishes.
So what is she saying?
That's a positive or a negative?
Negative.
Well, it's probably much of a muchness.
Okay, Sarah says, thinking about getting a second one? That's a positive or a negative? Negative. Well, it's probably much of a muchness. Okay.
Sarah says, thinking about getting a second one, it's all positive.
All the feedback is positive.
Oh, well.
Best thing ever made.
I say learn how to cook properly.
Love my air fryer.
All right.
Air fryer away.
Play.
ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.
I did not know this.
I didn't know it was a thing, and then I didn't know That it had been ruled
Not a thing anymore
Right
So apparently
You can no longer
Legally have different
Dress codes for men and women
In the workplace
Okay
So you can't say
Men can wear
Whatever they want
But women
Have to wear a skirt
Or something like that
Yeah someone should tell
The nightclubs that
Because girls can get in
Wearing sandals
And you can't.
Well, no,
Vaughan can't get in
in his white etnies.
Yeah, I want to wear
my DCs.
Right.
Just to let everybody know
I'm very capable
of a kickflip.
Yes.
Yeah, but I can't get in,
you see.
But that girl's just wearing
open-toed shoes
and that's a dangerous...
Someone could trot
on her feet.
Yeah.
Oh, my God, town shoes.
Yeah. What were those ones?
Royal elastics? Oh my god,
does that show my age? Do you remember those?
Like a slip-on shoe.
A slip-on loafer with a slight pointed toe.
Oh my god,
town shoes with skinny jeans
and a shirt and a chain.
And you literally called them town shoes. I'm going to get some new town shoes.
Shoes for going to town so you can get into the clubs.
Yeah.
Well, this is not about da clubs.
I think this rule has been ruled out of da clubs for a while.
But a workplace recently clarified to their employees
that the people who want to wear a bra don't have to.
Okay.
Wearing a bra is not a must in this workplace.
Has that ever been a workplace rule?
Well, I mean, wearing a bra or not wearing a bra
definitely changes the movement and the position of your boobs.
And how low you can have your AC.
And the appearance of a female nipple, heaven forbid.
Yeah.
So I don't know.
That's what I mean.
I don't know if it was ever a rule that needed clarifying.
It was sort of more a societal norm, let's say.
Yeah.
And now, like, you go on the red carpet.
Well, I mean, look, I don't really get invited to red carpet events.
But if you look at the Hollywood red carpets, the bras, done.
Well, who just did the other day?
Florence Pugh and Olivia Wilde.
They've both been rocking the nip in a sheer dress.
Purely observationally and not to be grotesque or pervy,
but those are both small.
Okay, I'll stop you there.
Yeah, I know.
This is going to sound pervy.
Whatever you say.
I'll say it because I know what you're going to say.
That small-abrested woman.
Small-abrested woman.
But remember Lizzo recently did this
and she's got a bigger breast.
Where did she go braless?
Lizzo, braless, dress.
She wore it to a club
because this is what
she was saying is like
double standard
because now we're going like,
yeah, embrace the nipple
as long as they're perk,
you know, they're pert,
they're up,
they're perky,
they're small,
nothing bigger than a C
and they've got
beautiful little nipples.
That's it.
Like that's the only rule
and she was like,
well, why can't I show my boobies?
This happened in Australia. What, somebody wanted to just. And she was like well, why can't I show my boobies? This happened in Australia
where somebody wanted to just not wear a bra.
Yeah, so this workplace just
said like, hey, if you don't want to wear a bra, don't wear a bra.
Shortly after they received
two complaints from
male employees saying that it made
them feel uncomfortable
having
a free boob nearby.
You can't see the boob though. No, you can't see free boob nearby.
You can't see the boob, though.
No, you can't see the boob,
but I guess you can see more of the shape of the natural boob without a bra.
Oh, my God.
Maybe they're not so up or your nipples aren't showing.
But I can see Vaughn's nipple a little bit now.
Oh, yeah, you can.
Should I get them started? Oh, that's fine.
I trimmed
back my chest hair yesterday because
I have
the issue of nipple
rubbish. Oh, you've been running. Actually, I'm glad we're
talking about nipples. Okay, well. What is
a reusable option
for nipple protection from
gym gear
or running singlets?
Vaseline.
Vaseline?
No, I wouldn't do that.
Would that not smear on it?
That would get onto the thing.
You'd get a seepage.
Because plasters, that's why I trim my chest hair down.
It was just a little bit too long for a plaster to get a good adhesion.
And plasters work, but plasters also, you just go through a whole lot of plasters.
It's like you want like a sort of reusable silicon pasty or something.
But then do they remain sticky?
I don't know.
Or is there some other option out there?
Plasters.
But plasters seem so wasteful in that plastic,
and then you just chuck them in the bin.
I mean, Taylor Swift's taking 18 private jet flights a day,
but I would like to reduce my footprint if I can.
Yeah, yeah.
Because he had the plasters.
We've got some beautiful New Zealand-made plasters made of merino wool.
Oh, right.
They're like a nice plaster for when you hurt yourself when you get a boo-boo.
You're not putting them on and tearing them off every time you want to protect your nipples from a singlet.
Maybe you could stop wearing a gauzy singlet.
No, it's that they're specifically like a running singlet.
By the way, your thing about moving into a sleeveless tee at the gym.
I was saying to Hayley yesterday because it's too hot now at the gym. I can't moving into a sleeveless tee at the gym. We are saying to Hayley yesterday
because it's too hot
out at the gym.
I can't believe you wear
a t-shirt to the gym
every time.
It's a gym shirt though
so it's like light.
But you've got to get
the singlet to open
and you get so much more airflow.
But Fletch said yesterday
he doesn't feel like he can
but he literally rolled
his t-shirt up
the whole class.
No, I can't do singlets.
I can do sleeveless tees.
I don't know.
They just don't look good on me.
I don't want to hear that.
They just look weird.
They look weird.
I don't think I've ever seen you in a singlet.
There's too much shoulder.
Yeah, you haven't because I won't.
They don't look good.
No, they don't look good.
What are you worried about the singlet for?
Is it the chest or the decolletage?
What are you worried?
You do.
You're rocking everything.
I don't know.
I just don't like singlets.
Well, just get tanks.
Yeah, I'll get a tank.
Get tanks.
What, a sleeveless tee?
Sleeveless tee.
See, I don't know if I could pull off a sleeveless tee.
Sleeveless tee's still got a little bit of stigma attached.
Yeah.
No, but this is what you're already doing.
Singlets, because you know I've got tiny nipples.
They go to the side.
Yeah.
I don't want them popping out.
No, don't get a big douchey one with big, heavy armpits.
No, no, no.
You can get like a nice gym singlet.
Yeah, right.
Oh, you will never look back.
The airflow in there.
You're getting the air.
The armpits are breathing, so you don't stink as much.
Oh, so good.
A little side thought.
And this may sound like I'm saying this in jest, but I'm not.
This is why, because women don't have this much of an issue with running with the nipples.
Because we wear a bra.
Is there not some kind of...
Yes, like a band bra.
Like some kind of crop.
Even if it was just like a band.
Like a band over the nips,
and then you put the singlet which moves,
but the band doesn't move.
Maybe that's an invention.
A man's strip.
A man's strip.
No, but it needs to have a shoulder
because it'll fall as you run.
So it is a crop bra.
No, you know those heart monitors that athletes clip around their chest?
Yeah.
One of those.
Maybe it's got like a silicon sticky so it doesn't move.
Little silicon nip covers.
Nip strip.
Call it the nip strip.
I just called it the nip strip before.
Oh, my God.
I've just come up with a nice great idea.
No, no, no.
Call the audio.
Call the audio.
Classic woman, eh? We're stealing men's ideas, explaining it back to up with an extra idea. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We'll call the audio. Call the audio. Classic woman, eh?
We're stealing men's ideas, explaining it back to them.
You can't do that, actually.
Femme-splaining.
I've already trademarked.
Please, if my lawyers are listening, get onto this immediately.
Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.
Play ZM.
I've been told, just previous conversation,
I've been told I need a sports bra.
So that your nipples stop grating when you go to the gym and running.
A little crop top.
I do have one of those heart rate monitors of things
that come with an elastic band.
Somebody said that should do the trick.
It'll just stop the singlet moving in the nipple area.
Oh, yeah.
Straight across the neck. No, I put it up under the titties. Okay. It'll just stop the singlet moving in the nipple area. Oh, yeah. Straight across the nip.
No, I put it up under the titties.
Okay.
It's going to boost them.
Yeah, yeah.
And someone else said Vaseline.
Yeah, someone did say a little dob of Vas.
Smear a dob of Vas.
My question to the Vas users,
we can keep this off the record,
but if you prolifically sweat then,
do you have little non-sweat patches where you put the vas on your nips?
Like your whole singlet's wet apart from the nip spots.
Yeah, that would look quite funny.
You should just try it and see.
I'll try it.
I'll try it.
It's got to be better.
I mean, I don't care what I look like at the gym.
Bloody hell, it's an absolute shambles.
It's a shambles.
A man who's joining us on a journey to health is producer Jared
who has given something up.
Yeah.
A vice.
A vice.
A big vice.
What is it?
I am no longer on the balls.
Wow.
Yeah.
You've chopped off your balls.
How many Red Bulls were you hurting a day?
You'd have one to start the day.
You'd have one pre-6am.
Yeah, so...
Like, real tradie diet.
On a normal weekday,
it'd be a sugar-free bowl during the show.
Yep.
And then maybe another sugar-free bowl
after the show at some point,
like before 3 o'clock.
Oh, babe.
And then on the weekends,
it would be a full sugar bowl.
Because it's the weekend,
you've got to get freaky in the week.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then if I'm, God be a full shug ball. Because it's the weekend, you've got to get freaky in the week yourself.
And then if I'm, God forbid, playing D&D, that's two full shug balls per game.
We play D&D at night too, by the way.
And you see Jared cranking a red ball.
It's like, oh, I'd be awake forever.
My heart would be racing.
I'm not happy that you've crowbarred D&D into the show.
Yeah, this feels like a big point, doesn't it?
Well, we're playing Dungeons & Dragons is what it stands for.
A beautiful game.
Do you remember those drinks, Pulse?
Yes.
They were alcoholic energy drinks.
We used to drink that when I was definitely 18.
And I used to come home from a big night out
and I'd hop into bed and be like...
Oh, yeah.
Charging.
Yeah.
So now, what are you going to now?
You're eliminating these energy drinks
from your diet. Hashtag health. Yeah, I've gone
from the canned guarana drinks to the canned
coffee drinks. What's in it?
Are we talking to Suntory?
We're talking to Suntory boss
iced vanilla latte.
Right. Why don't you just
have a coffee like the rest of us?
In a cup.
I don't like the hot drinks.
Neither.
Oh, my God.
I don't want the first thing I do at work to be like a job.
So, like, make a coffee and then clean the coffee.
You want to crack a can and get into it.
Yeah.
Right.
Okay.
You don't want the first thing you do at your job to be a job.
Just verifying the wording on that one.
Yeah. Yeah, I didn't think that part through.
Yeah, when's your pay review?
I don't want to come to work and work.
I want you to pull that audio off and send it to Ross.
I think this is good.
I worry about you with your red bull.
Too many bulls in a day, you know?
It's probably fair.
And you're not a large man.
I think it's too much guarana.
Yeah, svelte is my name.
Svelte.
Yeah, svelte.
Lean little pocket rocket.
Yeah.
Don't say that.
They don't like that.
Little pocket rocket.
They don't like that?
Jeez.
Both of you have cancelled yourselves just now.
I'm not with this.
I didn't do this.
We stan our short kings.
We stan our short kings.
Oh, we stan our short kings,
but that's why I want you to look after yourself.
Well, yesterday was day one of the coffee journey to health.
Yeah.
And, oh, my God,
within maybe 20 minutes of finishing that coffee,
I had to run.
See, I think sometimes I think that's also,
like, you had a latte one, I think,
and that's a cream situation.
That's a dairy pile-on. But also, you've got a bit, I think. That's a cream situation. That's a dairy pile on.
But also, you've got a bit of nicotine as well in your vape.
So nicotine, when I was on the darts many, many years ago,
good Lord, you could barely get to the bottom of the thing before you were.
Yeah, I'd agree with that.
You know what I mean?
You were honestly like running for it.
It was a nicotine, dairy, and caffeine.
That's your absolute evacuation plan.
You're going to have no time to work in the mornings, that's for sure.
No.
God forbid you should get to work and do a job.
We have been sent an asking for a friend. We have been sent an asking for a friend.
This is a segment where you can send in your questions
on behalf of a friend.
And we will try to help you out.
I'm confused.
Is it actually for a friend or is it for this person?
It's for the person.
But is it always for the person?
Of course it is.
It's always for the person.
Of course it is.
But you say it's for a friend. I'm asking for a friend. Because then it is. It's always for the person. I mean, of course it is, but you say it's for a friend.
I'm asking for a friend.
Because then it doesn't come back on you.
They're always asking for themselves, but they're saying,
I'm asking for a friend.
It's the same thing.
I'm asking for a friend.
I know, but I get confused because we get so deep into it.
I know.
You get lost.
I get amongst the reeds, and I'm thigh deep in cold swamp water
and I'm stuck. Let's just say that the people
that email us are asking
for a friend in quotations.
Yes, and you can reach out
to us on any of our socials, FVHZM.
Yes, this was sent to us on our
Instagram, anonymously of course
because they are asking for a friend.
Do you get it Vaughan? I do now.
I did originally but then I forgot now. I did originally, but
then I forgot and then I was like,
is it always them? You got lost.
You know when you're in a conversation
and you're just like, hey,
I mean, I know, obviously, but I'm just
asking for a friend.
What's the deal? You know, that was the trail I set out
and I got lost. I used my R&T skills.
I'm back on the trail now. Let's go.
Yeah, great. Okay, this message says,
Hi, FVH.
I have an asking for a friend question.
This friend has been with her current partner.
It's them.
Yes, yes.
But it's the safety of asking for a friend.
Okay, yeah.
This friend has been with her current partner for four years
and still loves them to bits.
They have a house, pets,
and they even have started talking about family,
starting a family.
Recently, this friend has been working fairly closely
with a client who is also a mutual friend of a friend.
Don't stay with me, Vaughn.
Friend with a friend,
who she feels a connection with
that she would like to explore.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
I knew.
Now, of course, she doesn't want to just throw away
four years of their life together
and doesn't think that her partner would want an open relationship,
and neither does she.
However, this connection is too much to ignore.
Should she suggest a relationship break
to reset and figure out what they each want
and how should she go about it?
Oh, heavens.
Oh, my God.
Wow, this is juicy.
A lot to digest here.
Okay, so she should obviously go there, right?
Oh, wow.
Wow, straight in there.
Straight in there, man.
You'll notice he didn't even hesitate.
Obviously. I mean, the grass is always greener, isn't it? notice he didn't even hesitate. Obviously.
I mean, the grass is always greener, isn't it?
The grass is always greener.
Let's remember the facts that we've been given.
She loves her partner.
You know, they've got a life together.
They're talking about the future.
It's not like they're on the rocks and she's got doubts about him.
She's just feeling this pull towards this workmate.
Which, you know, that can happen when Jason Momoa is in the country, right?
Yeah, but I wouldn't ask.
You wouldn't be asking anyone.
Better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.
Yeah, right.
Okay.
But, you know, this is, it happens.
Especially as relationships go on, I guess.
You kind of do think, God, that would be nice, wouldn't it?
Yeah.
For someone else.
Again, the grass is always greener, isn't it?
The grass is always greener.
And then you jump that fence.
It seldom is.
No, this person will be annoying.
You're looking at them through lusty goggles.
Yeah.
You know, you're not seeing the bad parts.
Concentrate on their most annoying features and their boring, like, annoying parts.
So you're saying the grass...
Because they'll have more than your current partner
who you've been with for four years and are still with,
and as you say, like, love and everything.
So you're saying the grass might be greener,
but it's probably kikuyu.
Yeah, the grass looks greener and you jump over
and you're like, oh, yeah, this is grass,
but there's prickles in it.
Yeah, it's a prickly grass.
Also, how into her is this guy?
Because he could just be wanting some fun, and then she ruins...
And the word client was mentioned.
He might just be doing the work schmooze.
Yeah.
Oh, she's completely misread the work schmooze.
Flirty for the deal.
He might just be came for some fun, and that's it,
and then she's ruined a four-year relationship just on a bit of fun.
Feels a connection with that she would like to explore.
That's the thing.
I mean,
does she have that connection
with her partner?
Is it worth it?
That would be my question.
Is it worth it?
What are you going to get
from this
that you're not getting
from your current partner?
And if you can answer that,
maybe it's about actually
addressing that
with your current partner.
What you're missing from them.
Yeah, that's true. What you're missing from them. Yeah, that's true.
What you're lacking from your relationship together that is making you want to go and get something somewhere else.
Already getting some feedback.
Okay.
All right, because this is what we want to know.
Keep it in your pants, skank.
Oh, my God.
What?
No, that is not the feedback we need.
That's the feedback.
Oh, wow.
So I have not heard that word in such a long time.
As I said it, I was like, is this a word I can say?
I don't think I've said it on the radio.
The grass is greener where you water it.
That's a little bit poetic, isn't it?
Yeah, maybe you are.
Maybe the grass is greener over the fence,
but that's because you're not fertilising and feeding
and watering your own grass.
Yeah.
Okay, well.
Maybe you've been keeping off the grass for too long.
We want to hear what you think this morning.
And maybe you've been in a similar situation where there was an itch.
And you were like, I've got some feels here.
Yeah.
And did you ruin a perfectly good relationship?
Or did you put some Zivirax on that little itch and kill the itch?
Kill the virus before it broke out.
That was my mother's choice of mosquito bite itch stopper growing up.
Cold sore medication.
Is it cold sore medication?
Zovirax is cold sore medication.
Maybe I've got it wrong.
Hydrocortisone, do you mean?
It was a pink tube.
A little pink metal tube.
Oh, okay.
I thought it was Zovirax.
Zovirax is a herpes thing.
All right, well.
My mother has herpes.
How dare you, ma'am?
How dare you?
So the question we've been asked is,
should she suggest a relationship break
to explore this connection with another person
and pose it as resetting and figuring out what they want?
How should she go about it?
What should she do?
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Eight minutes away from eight.
So somebody has asked for a friend.
They've got the itch after four years in their relationship.
They do.
And they're starting to feel a connection with a work connection.
A client.
A client.
That's the thing.
Someone said, this is that classic.
You've been with someone for four or five years.
You're kind of settled.
If they, you know, they've got the house, they've got the pet.
They're talking about family.
And they're like, am I ready for this?
Am I old enough for this?
A little bit of a quarter life crisis.
You get that, do I still have it?
Do I need it?
I kind of need to know that a stranger still thinks I'm a sex boss.
Yeah, because you look at the person, you're like, is that really?
Is it you?
That seems to be the general, she hasn't made moves on it,
but she's, you know, definitely thought about it.
Yeah, okay, well, a lot of text messages in. We'll get to those
next, but yeah, if you want to give us a call,
0800DARLS.M. I would love to hear
from someone who did
find a connection with someone while with
someone and then maybe went down
that road. And how did it turn out?
And did it turn out good? I've got a couple of texts
to deal with this. People have actually dealt it.
Okay, well, 0800DARLS.M.
Give us a call,
and we'll get to your texts and calls next.
Hey, just asking for a friend.
I mean, I hate to say I'm loving this,
because I know it's probably very difficult for this person.
Somebody's life is in turmoil right now.
We've been with their partner for four years,
love them to bits, house, pets, talking about babies,
and then they go to work and they have a connection
with a client who is also a friend of a mutual friend,
so there's a deeper connection there.
What should she do?
Man, the response has been insane.
We'll start with Anonymous.
Anonymous, good morning.
What should she do?
Good morning, Anonymous.
Hi.
Oh, hello, hello.
No, it's definitely do not do it.
We, I mean, we're all human.
You become attracted to people, but it's not, it's just not worth it.
He's not going to understand.
He's going to be so heartbroken.
Yeah.
I mean, she just doesn't know.
She doesn't know what this other guy wants.
Like, it could be just a bit of fun, which most likely it is.
You can only end in tears.
Exactly.
She's got her whole life together with this other guy.
Yeah.
Do you believe in pass cards in open relationships?
No.
No.
Okay.
No, that's fair enough.
It's not for everyone.
Open relationships work if everybody wants it to be open,
but somebody's got to bring it up initially, right?
And that's not going to be everybody's cup of tea.
Yeah.
Okay.
Unless I've discussed it before, I can't say, do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
So don't do it.
I just think she's just going to end up hurting herself,
hurting her partner.
She's going to, I think it'll end in absolute tears.
Yeah, OK, anonymous, thanks, you call Aiden.
Aiden, what should she do?
I think she shouldn't do it.
OK.
Where does this come from?
I've been in a similar situation before.
I didn't talk to my partner about it, though.
I went and asked for forgiveness.
Oh, OK.
It definitely isn't worth it.
Okay, and...
And what you're missing out on, what you're going to lose,
like four years is a long time.
You obviously got a strong bond.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you get forgiveness then, Aidan,
or was your relationship over after that?
I did,
but it still wasn't worth it.
You can't heal.
A relationship's pretty tall and after that,
it's always there.
And was it worth it
to scratch that itch?
No.
No, definitely not.
Yeah, well, there you go.
Yeah, it's worse.
What's the solution then,
like, from a man
who's done the bad version?
What's the solution to not scratch that itch?
You know what it's, I mean, it's easy to tell someone not to touch a hot surface,
but until they touch it, that's when they know it's hot.
Do you know what I mean?
So how do you placate your curiosity without burning yourself?
I think, yeah, water
your own grass, eh?
Yeah, I like to
see a partner about
how you may be
feeling and see what you
can change so you're getting the excitement from
them as well.
How do you answer
always a cheater, once a cheater,
always a cheater, yeah? cheater, always a cheater?
Yeah.
Well, I've definitely learned my lesson,
and it's a life-changing situation, so I'm no longer a cheater.
I wouldn't do it again.
I'm in a relationship now, and I'm happy as. I don't even think about anything like that.
Oh, that's cool.
Okay.
You don't even think about it?
Yeah, good stuff.
Okay.
Good stuff.
Thank you. Wise one, Aidan.
Thank you.
Wise words from Aidan.
Our message is in.
Someone said,
definitely going to talk to your partner,
not maybe about the fact
that you've got the hots for somebody else,
but just what you can see is a potential there
that you're not getting at home
and how to get it at home.
Because if you just completely ignore it,
there's a chance of developing resentment
towards your current partner.
Yeah. What about a bit of role play?
Yeah, or amnesia.
Okay, let's role play. I'm going to be me,
you be the guy that I've been dealing with at work.
Yeah.
Don't do that either.
That's not going to work. Place and order.
Play.
ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey.
Play. ZM. This is strange that I was thinking about this
because who was I talking to yesterday about I love a theme park,
I love a thrill, I love a roller coaster,
and I was talking about turbulence in a plane,
and I'm always like, oh, I love it.
Yes, I am.
It makes you feel alive.
You know, my guts drop, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I love that.
And then I said the only ones I don't like are the big, big fearful ones,
the big drops.
You just go up and you're like waiting at the top.
Oh, the giant drop on Dreamworld on the Goldie.
That's insane, that one.
That's a no from me.
Have you done it, though?
No.
It's incredible, but it's very scary.
Yeah, I've done a few of them around the world,
including the Rainbow's End one. And it's always like. It's incredible. But it is very scary. Yeah, I've done a few of them around the world, including the Rainbow's End
one. And it's always like the payoff
is fun. I love the like, ugh, feeling.
But it was waiting at the top for the
click. I hate.
You hate it because you know it's coming.
So, unfortunately,
yesterday at
Rainbow's End,
there was a bit of an incident
and some people on that ride got stuck mid-air for two minutes.
Now, I know that doesn't sound like a long time,
but usually when you get to the top,
crank, crank, crank, crank, crank, crank, crank, crank, crank, crank, crank,
you know, we're talking a number of seconds before it clicks you down.
Yeah, like five at the most, eh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's that anticipation.
It's so good.
It feels like forever, but imagine that just going on for two eh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's that anticipation. It's so good. It feels like forever.
But imagine that just going on for two minutes.
Oh, no, thank you.
So you're just...
So what happened?
Well, there was a sensor.
So there's a sensor that lets it know that you're done,
you've passed at this point and here's the time
and you're ready to go.
And it had a fault and it just had a little mirror
and it didn't tell the machine to let them go.
Oh my god! You know the
nervousness, the anxiety you feel at the
top there, two minutes of that.
That's about the best thing that could possibly go wrong
though. On that ride?
It's not going to let you go.
It's up there and it's like, oh no, we're going to just hold on
until the sensor tells us otherwise.
It's better that that sensor's broken than the
sensor that stops you.
That stops you in the bottom. Also, how terrible
after that two minutes,
it dropped, right?
So at some point
you're going to feel relaxed and go
Oh, okay, maybe something's wrong.
Hello, writers.
Just a slight problem with a
sensor.
This could be some time.
Thank you for your patience.
Isn't that crazy?
Wow.
So, like, the CEO of Rainbow's Inn said all of our rides.
Is that Ray or Bo?
Who's currently?
That's Bo, I think.
Bo having a go.
Karen Crab.
Karen Bo.
That's Bo's alias.
Right. Because no one could take the mascot seriously. Yeah. That's Bow's alias. Right.
Because no one could take the mascot seriously.
She said all of our rides are designed with significant safety mechanisms and features to ensure they can only ever operate when it's safe to do so.
So that's what the sensor is doing.
That's what you're right.
So it's working.
It's working.
So on this occasion, as the ride was being dispatched,
the sensors tripped at the control panel,
which caused the ride to just stop.
So, oh
no it wasn't, I'm sorry I lied.
The ride was then released for a slow controlled
return to the board. Oh babe!
Babe!
I would want it to just go like
boof after two minutes of
suspense.
But then it's been repaired and it's absolutely all
fine. I'd rather be stuck on that than a roller coaster.
Like a roller coaster upside down or on the way down or upside down.
Not upside down.
Yeah.
Horrible.
Surely if you're upside down on a roller coaster,
they can just like release the brakes.
So at least you'll just go to the part that gravity will take you to, right?
Well, you'd think so.
But no, I've seen them overseas.
Being stuck upside down would be horrible.
Yeah, I know. Well, yeah, when it comes to sort of stuck upside down would be horrible. Yeah, I know.
When it comes to sort of what can go wrong in a theme park,
very mild.
Well done, Rambo's End.
Well done.
Still wouldn't want it to happen to me.
Last time I was here, I got the claw machine.
I got two in a row.
I got an Elsa and I got an Anna.
What are you doing doing a claw machine at Rambo's End?
Well, we were there For one of the girls
Birthdays
Oh okay
Right
The adults were still eating
And they were finished
I was like
Oh we'll go for a look in there
And we went in
And I was like
Holy moly
They were positioned
Really nicely
Yeah right
Like Elsa was just like
With her arms wide open
And so the claw went in
And I got her
And then I was like
And I got Anna
Straight afterwards
Wow
And my kids were just like
Holy shit Dad rules Dad's amazing Yeah I'm pretty straight afterwards. Wow. We need to go. And my kids were just like, holy shit, dad rules.
Dad's amazing.
Yeah.
Probably the best I've ever looked at him to be honest.
Dave, you're a dad.
Don't do that too early.
Save that.
You peaked way too early.
I peaked too early.
Play.
ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day
Today's Fact of the Day is about those crafty little buggers that we call sperm.
Oh, okay.
Little swimmers.
Little swimmers.
And that's what it's about.
How they swim.
How do you picture them swimming?
Freestyle.
With their tails.
Propelling them about.
Wiggling their little butts with their little tails.
Like an eel?
Yeah.
Or a tadpole?
Tadpole.
Wrong!
Fools!
But you told me I was wrong.
You weren't the only ones fooled.
Science was fooled for like 300 years.
Okay.
So a little history lesson.
The history lesson on the sperm, discovered in 1677.
Okay.
To be, you know, what created life.
Isn't that weird?
Before that, it's just a bit of a, well, I know that goes in there and then it happens.
A baby's made.
I've got a thing.
You've got a thing that accommodates the thing.
Well, initially they thought that it was the sperm that took care of everything.
And the egg just kind of, I don't know, classic male scientists.
The patriarchy egg.
Oh, it's got to be the sperm.
The egg's not doing much, is it?
Yeah.
So the first ever scientists believed that the sperm
contained a tiny, tiny miniature human.
Wow, okay.
And the egg was simply a place for it to grow and become a baby.
So it was always a tiny, tiny baby.
Yeah.
A tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny microscopic baby,
and the egg was like where it grew,
and then it grew and it came out as a baby, tiny baby. Yeah. A tiny, tiny, teeny, teeny microscopic baby, and the egg was like where it grew, and then it grew, and it came out as a baby,
and it continued to grow.
Then with the invention of microscopes,
one was seen under a lens for the first time,
and weirdly enough, like magnifying,
like microscopes didn't get better for like over 200 years.
Right.
It was just like, well, we can see that 270 times its actual size,
and look at it it and it's going
And it was described as
Swimming like an eel or a tadpole
With its tail
Lashing in a snake-like movement
Okay
And any animation or any educational piece of content I ever saw
Had them swimming like that too
Even now that's what you see
Wrong
They spin
like a drill.
Like a tunnel pouring machine.
No, what are those things on the beach
that whistle?
Vortex! Vortex mega howler.
Vortex mega howler, but without the sound.
Go long Tomo.
So they spiral.
Yeah, they spiral.
Okay, well that wouldn't look as good on the graphic, would it?
I think it would look cooler.
It would look like a bullet.
Yeah.
Because bullets, you know, come down the chamber of a gun
and spin as they come out.
So they just, right, okay.
So if you see a video now of it swimming with a tadpole
using its tail to, like, wiggle through. It's not.
They spin. Yeah,
right. Okay. Isn't that crazy?
Wow, it is crazy. And this
is even crazier. You spun
like a vortex mega howler and beat
everyone else. I was the winner. How
bad was that race? Oh my God. You've never
met anybody and you're like, wow,
you were the best of the bunch.
Yeah. Shivers. So many. wow, you were the best of the bunch. Yeah.
Shivers.
So many, yeah.
Imagine if you were tripped and the second place it got in,
how much worse of a human would you be?
Yeah. Let alone the guy who comes 50 millionth.
Yeah.
Because that's how many on average pop in there.
So as it broke it down in this article, it said.
I think mine's less because I put my cell phone between my legs when I drive.
Yeah.
Do you? Sometimes.
Is that why you've not got any children?
That's probably why I've got no children. Is there any reason?
Oh my gosh. A hot bath and
a cell phone
under the scrotum. And a 5G scrotum.
I've got a 5G scrotum. You've cooked
them. Yours probably do try to swim
with the tail.
50 million, yeah.
It's the equivalent of a running race with
six times the entire population
of London taking part. So it's like round the
bays times 400. Times everybody
times six. And there's only one
winner. And you won. And there's one winner.
When there's twins and stuff
it's always the multiple eggs, eh?
It's different because it can be
one egg, one sperm that splits,
and isn't that your identicals?
Yeah.
Parents with multiples will be quickly pulling out their phone to be like,
this is actually my area of expertise.
And sometimes there's two eggs, two sperm.
And they just share the womb space.
Yeah.
Miracles.
And then you come in and you can read each other's minds.
Each and every one of us, miracles.
Oh, my God.
God bless us all
You know
I just want to use this life
This is reminding me
I want to use my life
You won the race
I won the race
I already came out a winner
Yeah
So continue your winning streak
I've been a great human
Get out there today
Do your best you
Because nobody
Last time I checked
Was a better you
Than you are
You're so good at motivation
Thanks
Really good.
I've got tears in my eyes.
True.
Tickets are for my TED Talk.
It's called Vaughan Smith, Hot Man.
Great, love it, love it.
I'll buy a ticket.
So today's fact of the day is forget what you think you knew about sperm.
They don't swim like a tadpole.
They spin like a torpedo.
Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.
Yeah.
A man in India, he's got a big YouTube following.
He does a lot of Photoshop and tech.
He made a video showing users how to, in a tutorial,
create a fake girlfriend or partner in your photos.
And he says using AI, but it just looks like, I don't know.
Dude, AI in the last few years has taken right off online.
There's these websites now where you can just put in like a panda
in a knife fight with a pumpkin and it will literally create it.
And it started off a bit sloppy, but they're getting better
and better all the time because I think more people are using them
and saying,
yes, that's a panda in a knife fight with a pumpkin.
So the reason he did this,
and this is a question I want to ask people listening this morning,
is he did it to help people keep nosy relatives at bay.
You know, grandmas are like,
do you have a girlfriend yet?
When are you going to have a child?
When are you getting married?
And, you know, you might not have even met someone.
So he can't take this girlfriend, obviously, to Christmas at Grandma's.
No.
It's just an online appearance of having a girlfriend.
So he's got photos of him and this girl in New York on the Brooklyn Bridge.
What?
Oh, okay.
Overlooking some other site somewhere in the world.
And, yeah, I guess that's enough to keep the parents at bay.
He was actually just doing it on his own
and then he photoshopped in someone.
I'm guessing, yeah.
But he might not even be at the location.
He probably isn't.
He could just photoshop in a bear bear.
Because that's the thing,
he does teach in the tutorial,
you know,
how to do the shadows.
So if you're in front of someone,
they've got to have a shadow
on their face from you.
Because, yeah,
years ago when Photoshop
was first a thing
and social media started kind
of growing, Facebook or even MySpace and stuff, it was so obvious because we didn't have the
skills to do, you know, like make the resolution of each image the same or the shadow thing
or, I mean, it was always so obvious when someone did Photoshop.
But now, sometimes you just cannot tell.
No.
And it's really good.
Aren't they saying, I mean, I hate to bring them up,
but aren't they saying that the, is it the Prince Andrew photos?
That Ghislaine Maxwell said that it's a fake.
That it's a fake.
Yeah, well, look, I don't know.
But this is what I wanted to ask this morning.
You don't want to talk about Prince Andrew?
No, I don't think it's really a phone-in topic.
All right.
Well, have you had a photo with Prince Andrew?
Is that the phone-in topic? Yeah.
0800 dial ZDM.
Impossible phone-in.
No, has anybody listening ever had to
make up a partner just to keep
their parents or relatives
off their case to stop asking
them about
girlfriends or boyfriends? Or even for another
reason, I wonder.
You know, like, you know,
I had friends who got married overseas, shall we say,
you know, so that they didn't have to come home.
And they definitely were, you know, with their partners, but you have to create like a whole life together
to prove that you're not just doing it for visa reasons.
You have to show photos of you.
Oh, so they were doing it for visa reasons.
Yeah, so like have you maybe you've done that.
You got married for a visa reason and you had to Photoshop all these photos of you on
holiday and sharing this life with someone that, eh, they're okay.
Okay, well, have you ever had to make up a partner and maybe you've gone to the extent
of Photoshopping or, I don't know, trotted out some big lies.
Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Eight minutes away from nine.
So a man has created a tutorial online
how to make a fake AI girlfriend
or a partner for your photos
just to get family off your back.
Just for an easier Christmas.
We're only a few days away.
Oh, she couldn't make it, but she exists.
She's offered a science convention in the States. Exactly're only a few days away. Oh, she couldn't make it, but she exists. She's offered a science convention
in the States.
Exactly.
Stop asking me about it.
So we want to know
if you've ever had to make up a partner,
whether it's to get family off your back
or for another reason.
Oh, there's plenty of reasons.
Gina said,
I was a courier once
and a creepy old guy
kept asking for my number.
So I had to keep saying,
oh no, I had a boyfriend.
And then he'd ask me how it's going
every time I saw him.
It's really good.
Honestly, I've got to say it's very cool.
I've done that so many times in bars.
Prepare yourself.
There will be one night
where you have to put your arm around me.
Do we have to kiss?
We don't have to.
But it'll be nice.
It'll be nice.
It'll be nice.
Yeah, it's acting.
It's just acting, right?
It's just acting.
It's not real.
It's not real. It's not real.
Yeah, okay.
But you know, lots of girls do this.
Someone hits on you in a bar and you're like, oh, no, this is my boyfriend.
Well, and it can also be an easy way of letting people down, right?
Like, oh, sorry, I've got someone.
Can I have your number?
But does the boyfriend have to always be there?
Like, you can say, I've got a boyfriend.
Oh, where is he?
Well, he's not here because we don't spend every waking moment within each other's lives.
If someone's really
pestering you,
they're less likely
to do so if you are
with someone.
That's depressing.
All right,
well, keep your texts
coming in.
9696 0800 DALES at M.
Whenever you had
to make up a partner.
We are talking about
a guy who had to make up
a fake AI girlfriend
to keep his family
from asking more questions
about when he's going to find a girlfriend.
But now they're just going to be asking to meet her all the time.
I know, she's so fantastic and beautiful and smart.
And she doesn't exist.
She ain't real.
No.
But I mentioned before that I've had to ask friends to be my partner
in order to sort of get rid of someone else who's hitting on me.
John, you've been in this situation before?
Yeah.
So a few years ago, I was clubbing in Dunedin
and a girl who I'd never seen before come up
and said, oh, there's a couple of, I don't know,
some pretty seedy fellas following around the club
and wouldn't leave her alone.
So she asked me to pretend to be her partner, so I did.
And yeah, six years later, a house and two kids.
Oh!
Oh, my God, Joe!
So it backfired, John!
It backfired!
She got you!
It was a trap!
She was the predator.
She was the pest.
She latched on like a black widow and sunk her teeth into John.
Those men didn't exist, did they?
They didn't, no.
I know.
Did those men exist, John?
Yeah, yeah, they definitely did. Oh, they did? They were her brothers, didn't exist, did they? They didn't, no. I know. Did those men exist, John?
Yeah, yeah,
they definitely did.
Oh, they did?
They were her brothers,
weren't they, John?
Labyrinth Ruth.
Oh my God,
that has made my day.
I love that so much.
Yeah, that's a great ending,
isn't it? You must have a really kind face
because, you know,
you'd hate to be running away
from a pest
and then you approach another pest
to be your boyfriend
and you've got three pests on the go.
Yeah, I think it's more just because I'm a pretty big guy.
Oh my God, I can hear your beautiful babies from the back.
You're a big friendly.
He's a big friendly unit.
Yeah.
Amazing.
John, thank you so much for sharing that.
Some more messages in.
People that have had to make up partners for various reasons.
In high school, I made up an out-of-town boyfriend
to get friends that stopped trying to set me up
with losers in the small town we lived in.
Out-of-town.
Losers in the small town we live in.
I've got a boyfriend at college.
Yeah, well, she's from a big town,
and he's a musician, and he...
He drives motorbikes like the guy that just drove past.
That might have been him, in fact, checking up on me,
making sure I'm safe and the like.
See? Claire says, I I'm safe and the like. See?
Claire says, I've done this
all the time. Absolutely. Safety
first. And,
you know, it makes you feel better
and it makes them, the current problem
leave. Is anybody
doing it to get rid of family members, to get
family off their back? Yeah, it sounds like it's just
piss at bars.
I mean, look,
you've got to shoot
your shot sometimes.
Absolutely.
That happened with
the woman that
picked up John,
but when someone says no,
move on.
Yeah.
I was in Switzerland
working illegally
and I needed a bank account,
so I bought a ring
and went into the bank
and said that I'm living here
with my Swiss boyfriend.
Oh.
Fiance.
His name is
Tobly
Roan.
And he
has Nazi gold.
Lots of it.
Tobly Roan.
And he likes
cheese with holes in it.
Hey, remember how
you just gave that
Uber driver five stars
because you wanted five stars back?
Yes.
Let's do that with this podcast.
Oh, yeah.
Review it five stars, tell your friends,
and we'll do the same for you if you ever need a review for anything.
But where are you giving me my five stars?
Well, I don't know.
Do you own a restaurant or something?
Yes.
If you give us five stars on this podcast,
tell us where you would like your review,
and we'll review.
We won't even go.
We'll just review your thing.
I don't want people to know where my restaurant is.
I'm doing one of those secret restaurants.
Oh, I was going to say,
because that's exactly the opposite of how restaurants work.
ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.