ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 19th April 2022

Episode Date: April 18, 2022

Wasabi a cure for baldnessTop 6: Things to wrap with Easter egg foilSex heart problemsCommunity NoticesCan you recover from cheating3 in 5 people use big words to sound smarterFact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe, try their refreshing McCafe iced coffee, available now at Macca's. Big job to do today. I'm going through, I've got multiple undie drawers around my house. Multiple, just in case you need a pair in a different room. Yeah, well I've got...

Well since they got rid of plastic bags, I guess that third drawer down in the kitchen's been useless. Some in the kitchen, some in one room, some in another room. They're all over the shop. How many pairs are we talking? I've got a lot. 200? No, not 200.

But too many ones that I don't like. So yesterday I was wearing a pair of undies And the moment I put them on I was like This is going to ruin my day This is going to ruin my day It was like

They were too low Oh a bad pair of undies And they were cutting in Right in my guts Flap Bit I'm not familiar with That piece of anatomy

In my little pouch Right They were cutting in And they were riding up And they were terrible And they've got Paint on them From a house My my last house.

Would you paint in your knickers? Terrible. No, but I used to. I'd paint and then I'd wipe my hands on the back of my painting pants and it would sometimes go through the undies. Oh, wow. Okay. So today my task is I'm going out, I'm dumping all the undies in the lounge.

I'm going to put something good on the telly. Yeah. And I'm going to fish through all the undies and I'm only going to keep the good ones. Oh, yeah. That's a power play. Now, do you put the used ones in the bin or is it a charity bin? No, that's a bin.

No, because I have seen undies in an op shop and it threw me. No, no, no. Undies? Yeah. I'm sorry. Undies is the one thing. I donate all my unwanted clothes. Yeah. But undies are a no? Yeah. I'm sorry. Undies is the one thing. I donate all my unwanted clothes. Yeah.

But undies are a no. Yeah. And socks are weird till they're only good for a rag to clean the window with. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. But no, undies, no, they've got to go in the bin, I'm afraid. They've seen too much.

They've been through it all. You know, they're traumatized. They need to retire. So it is a shame because there are some undies that are great undies, but they're traumatized yeah they need to retire yeah so i don't i there's some it's a shame because there are some undies that are great undies but they're just not they're not for me they're not for my body right cutting me in the wrong areas just some have holes so that some wearing through yeah because i just did my undie and sock replenishment at the start of the year with the um new year boxing day sales, you've topped up. I do this.

I used to do it when you could pre-pandemic, when you could travel places. Like America would always have cheap knickers. Yeah, right. And socks. So always just. And then once every couple of years, I'll buy all the same pairs of undies and socks.

And what do you do with your old ones? Well, I only buy them when they're ready to be replaced. What's ready for you? Holes. How much holes? Are you hanging out of it? Like a lot of them are just like the fabric's just there. Yeah.

And they're starting to get holes. But they all go at the same time. Yes. Because I buy them at the same time. That's a good idea. And wear them on a rotational policy. Yeah, and I rotate through them and they all start. And I reckon I got two years out of the last sets of undies and I'll buy like 12 pairs.

Some of mine have been around for about 10 years. Good to go. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, some of them. That's a long. I mean, you can probably work that out if you have enough pairs that you're not wearing them.

I definitely have a lot in the arsenal. This is something someone in a long-term relationship is getting away with because you would never be rocking those if you were single. Oh, my God. He couldn't give a damn. Nah. Yeah. I'm not. There's no sexy lingerie. I'm years past that. Yeah. Hello. Good morning.

Welcome to the show, Fleets, Vaughan and Hayley. Happy short week. Yes. Happy short week. We love a short week. Unless, of course, you have to work all through Easter, in which case it's probably just another miserable week. I thought you meant happy short week like it's like short person celebration week. Well, it can be that too.

It should be, actually. There's probably already a week for that. Oh, Google. Short person appreciation day. Yeah, can we Google? I mean, if you are working through it, it's a week full of stat. Oh, it's December. So time and a half in a day in lieu.

It's actually December 22nd, so we're very early. Oh, we're a bit early. December 22nd is National Short Person Day. Oh. Yeah, great things come in small packages. Indeed. Is that the tagline? I believe so.

Yeah, it is for National. Fantastic. Nationaltoday.com. December 22. I'm glad we clarified that. Yeah. We are somewhat early. Mark it in the calendar.

And after Easter, Vaughan, you've got a top six dealing with all the leftover tinfoil you may have. Well, only because you ate all your children's Easter eggs. It's the top six things to wrap up with that tinfoil to disguise the fact you've eaten all your children's Easter eggs. Okay. Pop a little thing in there and wrap some tinfoil around it and victimless crime. Until they discover it and then you've got to deal with that your own way. Everyone's none the wiser. Coming up, though, good news for you guys.

Listen up, baldies. Oh. Targeted. Targeted advertising. I'm also losing my hair. Let's not forget that I'm in the process of trying to stop losing myies. Oh. What? Targeted. Targeted advertising. I'm also losing my hair. Let's not forget that I'm in the process of trying to stop losing my hair. Yeah. But I've got the key to preventing baldness.

Too late. Too late. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Listen up, baldies. What? Excuse me. We prefer a soft approach. Okay.

Listen up! Listen up, you bald fellas. No, I'm here to help. I'm here to help. Okay. I'm not here to have a dig. I'm here to help you. Right.

Because there's some new research that has gone into curing baldness. It's a huge industry, of course. People looking to cure baldness and get rid of it forever. But here's something you might not have tried. Rubbing wasabi on your head. See now, don't you just go to the sushi shop and pick up that green-colored horseradish paste? No, no, no. It's fresh Japanese wasabi from the fruit.

You've got to use, because they fill it with peas as well, don't they? For the green? And food colouring. Yeah. No, no, no. No, that's horseradish. That old packet wasabi won't do.

You've got to use fresh Japanese wasabi. It comes at a cost. It's about $80 for 500 grams. Jeremy Clarkson tried to grow some on that Clarkson's farm when he had a farm because he had a creek running through his property and he was like,

what's the best thing to grow? Like, how can I make the use of this? And they were like, wasabi needs running water to grow. Okay. And so he planted some and it was fairly underwhelming. But yeah,

if you had a creek running through your place, you could definitely jam a few wasabi bulbs in there. I don't know if I need that kind of mouth thing that it does no no no no yeah but so you it's topical of course you can't there's like eating more wasabi won't help you right you've got a you've got to grind up you know give it a little grate yeah peel it up rub it in your hands rub it on your head because there's a chemical in it that is known to awaken the papilla cells responsible for hair growth on the human scalp. But then what if you're bored and it's too late

and it just makes other things like nose, hairs or pubes just go out of control? Well, you could then shave off the out-of-control pubes and weave yourself a little wig. Right. That's an option there. Yeah, right. But yes, you just got gotta rub it on your head and

it gets the the hair growing i don't know if um if you can do it once it's already well and truly gone yeah i know i've got friends that are like trying all kinds of things i'm just like there's no cure there's no cure is there for baldness. No. So why waste all your money? Because people who don't want to be bald, who are bald, they're playing on their emotions. They're going, here's the solution. We can help you. All you have to do is make fortnightly payments of this amount,

and we promise you. Yeah. Remember how you used to be young and hot with your hair, and now you're some old bloody Alma Fudd looking turdberg? Yeah. Well, come on down, and we'll slap some bloody goose poos on your head and heck, it might work. So they're saying it could be up to three times more effective

than classic hair loss treatments like Regain, which is minoxidil. That's the sort of number one chemical that you look for in a hair regrowth treatment is minoxidil. Up to three times more effective. About three times more expensive because of wasabi being bloody expensive. Well, there you go. If you don't use your wasabi in your sushi of the day. No, because that won't be wasabi.

That's horseradish paste. Oh, look, give it a try. Give it a try. Better not to waste it. And if that doesn't work, get a bit of teriyaki, leftover teriyaki sauce. Finger that on your head. Yeah, I think donkatsu sauce works.

That would be like if they said guacamole cure something, but it's expensive at this time of year. So just make a feta cheese and pea mix and spread that on it. Yeah. You can't have these impersonated. You've probably wondered, is it good to have a partner who's more intelligent than me? Or just intelligent full stop? Oh, yes, it is. It's good for them.

And it turns out it's good for you. Right. I prefer to be more intelligent than them. That's fine. Keep them dumb, keep them keen. You know what I mean? Yeah, they won't know you're spending all their money. Yeah, they're just like, help.

What do you want? What help? Yeah. So they studied siblings because they wanted people with a similar background. You're like, similar upbringing. But then those siblings, the siblings that they studied

had partners who were uneducated and partners who were educated. And it seems the health of the sibling with an educated partner was better. Okay. Is it because he's spending less time worrying and coaching them through life? Yeah.

Or is it because... That's something that says educated. It doesn't say that they're at all practical or self-sufficient. They could be a doctor that comes home at the end of the day and they go, and sits on a couch, doesn't help with housework. Yeah, and you've got the burden there. Yeah. Whereas, yeah, somebody could be street smart, but not that educated.

Exactly. Or they're educated around things like nutrition and health and that. So then, of course, you're going to be healthier because your partner's like, we should eat broccoli. Yeah, not smoke meth. Not pizza, not smoke meth. Yeah. Yeah. Any correlation there With meth smoking

And intelligence Meth not mentioned at all Okay Good Throughout the study But apparently This has just been Trending this way

Since like Early studies In the 70s Up until now Okay So get yourself A smarty pants With a bit of education

I do wish There was some Specificity around Whether they mean Like university education Or if it is Just someone Because I just went To a polytech With a wit I do wish there was some specificity Around whether they mean like University education Or if it is just someone Because I just went to a polytech Oh babe

Says the girl who went to drama school And that's why Fletch your partner's dead And Hayley yours is dying What? Sorry to put it out there But you dummies are dragging them down So you went to a polytech But you got a degree

Since when have polytechs done degrees? So you've got different qualifications Between the two of you Yeah I have one You've got a degree And you've got a diploma I just turned up and they gave you credits

You've got a certificate You've got a certificate Babe I've got a degree I've got a degree in acting Wow Cry right now Cry right now Can you play rhinestone cowboy? Certificate, babe. I've got a degree. I've got a degree in acting. Wow. Cry right now. Cry right now. Can you play Rhinestone Cowboy?

No. It's my song. It's my cry song. It's acting. You're on stage. What? Graduated 10 years ago. I'm rusty.

Come on. Let's see if anyone can't hear that. You can't just do the facial expression of crying. Crying is visual first. Okay, we're breaking up with you. Vaughn and I are breaking up with you. And you tell us that you don't want it to be over and you're really emotional.

Three, two, one. Why? Why? What did I do? What did I do? Too much vagina for me. Am I acting too? Too much vagina?

I'm putting myself on a... Well, if we're breaking up, I'm managing to wear a thruple. I know, so don't feel bad about it. You've got what I don't want. Hang on, if we're a thruple and I'm bringing too much vagina. Well, I didn't know. I thought. There's double schlong to vagina in this. Yeah, obviously we didn't think about it enough.

You're meant to be crying. You can't discriminate against my genitals. I'm not. I'm just, that's not my cup of tea. Honestly, I wouldn't cry if you were discriminating against my genitals I'm not, I'm just that old and my cup of tea Honestly, I wouldn't cry if you were Discriminating against my Because That's a you issue

Yeah, that's a me issue, totally It's not you, it's me What were we talking about? Intelligent partners being good for your health Oh right, yeah, Aaron's stuffed From the bustling ZM think tank This is the top six. Hello.

Today's top six is it's been Easter. It's been Easter, and if you're like me, you're a parent who may have helped themselves to a couple of Easter eggs that didn't belong to you. Your kids don't eat a lot of chocolate, do they? It's weird. They'll get a whole lot Like Easter

Pretty sure Dad got on the Easter eggs Like a few weeks ago I'm talking third person here from my role as father They just hang around for a long time They'll get them and they'll be really excited about them And they'll hoard them somewhere And then just not eat them

Weird They just disappear in our house. Yeah. We don't even have children. Get absolutely wolfed. Well, here we are. Easter Tuesday.

Top six things to wrap in tinfoil to cover up the fact that you ate all your kids' Easter eggs. Number six on the list, on the lips. Lifetime, moment on the lips,

lifetime on the hips. Number six, wrapping up some actual eggs. Yes. That'll buy you some time to get some discounted Easter eggs. Yep. Yeah, and by the way, when you're replacing your kids with high-quality Easter eggs, don't go high-quality again.

They're not chocolate connoisseurs. They're not a young Willy Wonka. They're not Timothy Shalamalamala playing a young Willy Wonka. Hit them with a carob. Hit them with a carob? No! I was just talking about that Australian shit

that's always on sale after Easter because it's yuck. Australian chocolate is so yuck. Gross. Number five on the list are the top six things

to wrap in tinfoil to cover up the fact you ate all your kids Easter eggs. More tinfoil. Oh yeah, like a ball. It's shapeable.

Yeah, yeah. You can shape it into an egg shape. It's not overly heavy. Yeah. And you yeah, like a ball. Yeah, yeah. You can shape it into an egg shape. It's not overly heavy. Yeah. And, you know, it can hold the shape as long as I don't get too inquisitive about it. Maybe you could put a stone and then wrap that in tinfoil. Well, that is actually number four on the list of the top six things to wrap.

A rock. So this is good, too, because it'll get you outside. It'll get you walking, burn off some of those calories because you're just the big fatty boom boom who ate all of your kids' Easter eggs. I get so excited because you never get a solid chocolate egg, do you? I know. If you pulled it up, you'd be like, this is a heavy one, this is quality. Well, those like real little individually tinfoil hard ones, what are those? Those are yum.

With the polka dots around them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're the bomb. Oh, this, yeah, what is like a solid chocolate? Yeah. But they're only ever tiny, like a centimeter and a half high. Yeah. Well, they're solid chocolate.

But I want one of those rugby ball size ones solid. Solid. But how would you even eat it? Slice. Chip away at it. Chip away. It'd be so hard to chip away. Grate it onto my ice cream.

Grate it everywhere. That's a good idea. Big block of grated chocolate. Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six things To wrap and turn for To cover up the fact You ate all your kids Easter eggs

Some fruit Let's face it They could do with it A grape A tiny grape Grapes could be the little ones A tiny grape A plum

Watermelon A plum maybe A watermelon Oh yeah for a shoe jeg Mind you this time of year You're paying through the nose For any That's an absolute

Imported That's a summer fruit It's a summer fruit Number two On the list Of the top six things To wrap in tin for To cover up the fact

You ate your kids Easter eggs A little wee avocado Because it's egg shaped But it's got to be A little wee avocado Yeah You'd have to go pretty unripe Because otherwise

It'd be mush. Yeah. Yeah. And then you put it in, you know, hard as a rock. And then you're feeling it. It's hard as a rock. And then you put it down for two seconds and you pick it up and it's rotten. Yeah.

It's rotten. Brown. Brown through and through. Just terrible. Terrible. Yeah. Although an avocado is probably more expensive than just buying an actual Easter egg. Maybe they're about $7 at the moment

yeah that's very true and number one on the list of the top six things to wrap in tinfoil to cover it the fact you had

all your kids Easter eggs they're dirty undies teach those grubby little shits to clean up after themselves disgusting not just chuck them behind the bed

or behind the dresser why have them look at the dirty undies scrunch them up and wrap them in tinfoil that'll teach them Now if you think about Dying after making love What's the image

Of the person who just died Oh man With a much younger lover Big tummy She was too energetic for him I'm picturing Steve Bannon Yeah right From Breitbart Bannon Bannon Steve Bannon. Yeah, right. Steve Bannon.

Bannon. Oh, yeah, Bannon. Bannon, Steve Bannon, that Trump dude. Plouching the heart. Yeah. In fact, anybody Trump-like who votes for Trump, they're all the sorts of people that die. And they've taken too many stiffy pills. It's got the heart racing.

There you go. Well, actually, it happens very seldom. It is not a common way to die. But when it does happen. That's how I want to go. There's a study that has shown that the average age of this problem happening is 38 years old. What? You're 40 now, Vaughn.

The average age of individuals who died while making love was 38 years old. While only 35% of those people were women. So it is still predominantly men. But that's more, I wouldn't have thought it would have been women. They've got a dicky ticker. People must have a dicky ticker though. Yeah, dicky tickers. So, I mean, that shocked me.

38 years old. You're passing. Every time you do it, it's a risk. Actually, he's fraught with risk every time he does it, regardless of age. Lots of chains, lots of tie-downs, gags, blindfolds, restraints. This is defamation and slander. Things with straps. My lawyer will be in touch.

Yeah. So, yeah, it does come down to dicky-tickers, if you've got a dicky-ticker. It's not an old-person thing. We just think it because you're heading towards the end of your life. And four in ten are female, which is insane. Physical strain of the sexual activity, how busy it was, and arguably younger people are being a bit more physical with their sexy times. Prescription drugs, such as erectile dysfunction drugs or illegal drugs,

again, predominantly used by people more around the 30 to 50-year-old mark, is what is causing these sudden attacks. Take it easy, just starfish. Absolutely. That would be the best way. This is probably why I've seen 40, very much a starfisher. I've got a little warning on my watch if my pulse gets... I wear a watch while I make love.

To myself or to my wife, the watch will monitor my heart. Do you have your watch set to the fall thing so it calls authorities if you take a tumble? No, I'm 32 years old. I'll get myself up and I'll be like, ugh, that's embarrassing. You should get it. No, because then

it'll know you've got up. Yeah, because I'm young. I was just thinking more for your drinking. I was just thinking more for your drinking. You could set the person at cause as Aaron. I mean, I'm just down the road. I'll be more than happy. I would rather, you know, put your body into some sort of, you know,

at least have some dignity in your death. Oh, no, I've lost all dignity with that. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, I hope that if I die during making love, someone shimmies me back into my boxes, you know, puts the bedspread over me. And then it just looks like you went in your sleep. Yes.

Or they can say, we died making love, but I've tidied them up. But if they come in and I'm just, like, ass to the air, spread wide, shit myself, vomited. You know with rigor mortis, does that go from tip to toe? Oh, it can do. There can be localized rigor mortis. Does your rigor get mortised, so to speak? Did you know that rigor mortis is two words? I've just Googled it.

Yeah. Oh, it's sort of one word. Rigor mortis. Do you know, so. One to six hours. Average is two to four. So Sade would have two hours to get you into a position. Right.

A peaceful position. She might need all those two hours too. God, just reading further on this, it just can suddenly happen. Yeah, so be careful. 53% of people that died during lovemaking had a structurally healthy heart but they died of SADS

Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome Just a sudden abnormal heart rhythm. Is that how you'd want to go? Yep, quick. Be better than dying during a marathon You know those old accountants always There's always one a race. Just quick I don't care how it is as long as it's quick. Oh with you it's always quick.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Travel is apparently one of the things People are most looking forward to In the post-pandemic world What do you mean apparently? Other than kissing? I'm not in any huge rush Oh my god I'm getting for it I could go to Rara

I could go to Fiji I could definitely go to Samoa. I love Samoa. Yeah. But I'm not like- Not a Bali, not a Thailand? Nah. A Venice?

I'm itching to travel, but I'm also, at the same time, I think we've been let down so much by our expectations in the last two years. Well, I only think you've been let down by your own expectations. That's true. When I see people getting shitty at the government and wanting to go everywhere, I'm often like, well, you know, the expectations, you've got to manage your expectations. Yeah.

I don't think a lot of people grow up with parents telling them constantly, yeah, we'll go to Rambo's Inn and then get into Auckland, there's a slight drizzle, and instead you go to the airport to watch Planesland. And it shows. And it shows that people expect too much, they've been given too much. Oh, some people are even coming across like spoiled little brats.

Entitled. Entitled little brats. You go and spend a childhood with my parents, they'll beat that out of you, literally, as long as it was legal like it was when they beat it out of us in the 80s and 90s. But where do people want to go? Well, these are the top places.

Right. The United Kingdom. Is this number 10? Number 10. Number 10. Germany, number 9. And within Germany, the Nussweinstein Castle.

I love the Nussweinstein Castle. I love the Mercedes-Benz Museum. It's delightful. Where am I from? I don't know. Checkpoint Charlie So they've also named places that people want to see when they go there And Berlin Berlin's an amazing city

I've never been Germany's Yeah it's very cool Yeah don't do the accent on the next one Thailand I won't do the accent but it's my favourite place in the world You love it You always say that

Why is it your favourite place? The people are kind Everything's warm and tasty and cheap and you get rubs. Yeah, the food's great, isn't it? The food is incredible. It is a beautiful country with lovely people. MBK, the shopping centre, is one of the places people look forward to. Oh my god, no!

No, no, no. Get out of the mall! Get out of the mall! Stay on some islands. You're in Thailand. Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed for whoever put that. And there's markets and stuff. MBK is kind of cool for a look if you've never been. But it is just like this massive mall. With the upstairs markets.

Yeah. Number seven is Mexico. Oh, that's one of my favorite countries. Very cool. Yeah. The famed Mayan ruins with a massive pyramid. Yeah. One of the places.

I'm not going to say the name. I feel like I'll really mess it up. Chichen Itza. Chichen it up. Chichen Itza. Chichen Itza. Chichen Itza. Exactly what I said. Number six is Turkey. People want to go

to the Grand Bazaar in Turkey. Oh, it's incredible. Get a leather jacket, mate. I tell you, it'll last you years. Did you get a leather,

a Turkish leather jacket? when I went to Istanbul, I went to the Grand Bazaar and got a jacket, mate. Right. Did you, have you, is Turkish Delight in Turkey?

Yeah, but it's not like, it's not like Cadbury Turkish Delight. Oh, don't bother. It. Did you, have you, is Turkish Delight in Turkey? Yeah, but it's not like, it's not like Cadbury Turkish Delight. Oh, don't bother. It's not covered in chocolate and filled with absolute crap. It's delicious. It's the like powdery coated jelly.

Oh yeah, okay, I'm down. And baklava. Oh, baklava. I just want to go to Turkey to go to Istanbul to think about that song Istanbul Not Constantinople Not Constantinople

Long time ago Constantinople Anyway 5 Italy You can't go wrong in Italy The Colosseum the Pantheon Number 4 China The Great Wall of China Also one of the most sought after things to go and see

What's that on the list? Four Fourth most on the wish list Good food, good things to see The United States Walt Disney Resort in Orlando No I do want to go to

You want to go to Star Wars Really? We've been locked in For two to three years And now the first place We're going is to America Oh not me Which has not handled This whole thing well

No no famously not And then we're going To go to Disneyland And it's about to break out In Civil War any moment It feels like yeah Give me a pad tie And a foot rub any day

To Spain Spain La Sagrada Familia I want to know How it's going Last time I saw it was still being worked on. I think the last time anybody saw it for the last 400 years has been under some sort of construction.

And number one, the number one country people want to see in a post-pandemic tourist vibe, France. And, of course, the Eiffel Tower is number one of the list of things to see when you're there. Wow, okay. Yeah, on Francie. I'll take any of them. see when you're there. Wow, okay. Yeah, en Francais. I'll take any of them. Yeah, any of them if we can leave, right?

If you put any of those in a hat, I'd take out America. Just for me personally. If you put any of those into a hat, I'd go. You'd go in a second. In a second. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Kia ora. I'm Simon Bound, and I host Business is Boring,

a podcast that reckons it's anything but. Join me each week as I chat with some of the most interesting and inspirational players in the Aotearoa business scene and learn what it takes to make it happen from accidental entrepreneurs to the brains behind some of the country's biggest brands. If you're into business or want to be, then make sure you follow Business is Boring

wherever you get your podcasts. Brought to you by the Spinoff Podcast Network in partnership with Spark Lab. Well, this comes around every now and then and you read it and you go, that can't be true. But there's been another study that looks at how often we wash our bed sheets. Oh, this is always grim, isn't it?

Grimmer than you think. What do you think is grim? Like, how long's too long for you? Well, I do mine every Saturday. I wake up halfway through the night and wash them. Twice asleep? Yes, two sets of sheets. That's because of your accidents.

I don't want to talk about it. Oh, my God. He's got a plastic sheet. I was a bed wetter as a kid, and I reckon the worst nights when Mum would, they used to wake me up to go wheeze to try to prevent it. Then I'd go back to bed, then I'd wheeze the bed, then I'd go knock on their door and be like,

I've wet the bed. Then they'd put me on the couch. On the bad nights, I'd wee the couch. Holy shit. I had one hour I just When you said that That is so cute I remember waking our girls up

When you're toilet training them You're like Wake up at like Set an alarm for like One o'clock in the morning And you're like Come on let's go And you'd carry them under the bed

And plonk them on the toilet And wee And be like Did you wheeze And Anyway Bad Bad times

I had one functioning kidney It took a while to figure that out I reckon anything longer than two weeks is mank You can start to smell it in there Especially in summer as well How about once a year? Who is washing their sheets once a year? A third of people surveyed

A third of people surveyed That is disgusting. This is a survey conducted in the United Kingdom, I will say. They're a manky. Slightly mankier than us. They're a manky bunch. Once or twice in a 12-month period. Oh my God, that's no good.

That's disgusting. That is no good. So how many percent of people? 30. 33%. So that is, imagine when you're watching The Chase, 33% of contestants are doing that. That's where you're at.

So it's either two on the panel or one of The Chase and one on the panel. Bradley Walsh. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want to have bad words said. Bradley Walsh, he'd have a sheet system. You reckon? He'd be washing sheets once a week. Wasn't it something about like Kim Kardashian slept in fresh sheets

every single day? But if you're that rich and you've got staff who are making bed and stuff, then absolutely. Well, they're saying a microbiologist from the University of New York has chimed in on this, saying not washing your sheets often enough causes a buildup

of dust mites, bed bugs, and can lead to severe skin irritation and fungal infections. Fungal infections? The ideal number of washes is once a week, once every seven days. Hot wash, do they say what kind of wash, what temperature wash? Not specified for as far as I can see. But, I mean, you've got washing detergent in there, so that's fine. But a hot wash on your sheets.

How good's a hot wash on your sheets? Once a week, though, that's me. I'm a once a week. I change them at the end of the week. We changed them last night so that we could start the week afresh. So nice getting the clean sheets. I'll have to ask the help. I'll have to ask the staff.

How often they change yours. You mean your wife? No, no, no, no. No, no, she's... Do you think if Shale wasn't on the scene and you were a bachelor, how often would you clean your sheets? I'd probably have, in all seriousness, have a cleaner and one of the roles would be putting the sheets in the wash. Because it wouldn't get done otherwise, would it?

Nah, I don't think so. Just to touch a little bit, the study went further. I'll just touch on a few other facts very quickly. 80% of people wash their undies after every use. That means 20% of people are not washing their undies. No, see, undies always, even if it's just a short wear, it's in the wash. Yeah, same. I won't put them back on.

Once I've taken them off, I'm not putting them back on. Yeah, same. No, no, no, no. Yeah, they're a one-hit wonder. Yeah. They're disposables. You wear them, you bin them. I always thought that's what Dan Carter would do when he had that jockey contract.

Oh, yeah. He never washed a pair. No. Oh, yeah. Fresh panties. He never washed a pair. No. Well, here's the following recommendations. Bed sheets, once a week. Underwear, every use. Bras, three to four times a week.

Get a grip. That's like once a year. Jeans. I've wondered about bras. Do they not get sweaty? Yeah, they do. They do. And you don't realize because they don't show as being sweaty

and then you'll be like, that's a bit pongy. So you change your bra every time you get a whiff? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Upon whiff. T-shirts, every third use? No.

Every use. If it's not humid in summer, because sometimes I'll get straight out of my T-shirt when I get home after work. That's a few hours. Then I get into some gym gear. I'm not going to wash a whole T-shirt. Do you not put the shirt back on later in the day? Maybe. After the gym? No, not really. Yeah, sometimes because then you get into some gym gear. I'm not going to wash a whole t-shirt. Do you not put the shirt back on later in the day? Maybe. After the gym?

No, not really. Yeah, sometimes because then you get into a comfy, sort of a wind down. Exactly, I've got a comfy shirt. Yeah, I sometimes do a two-use out of a t-shirt. Yeah. Scarves, every fifth wear. Who's washing their scarves?

No one's washing their scarves. No one's washing their scarves. Hoodies and pullovers, seven to ten uses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Towels after every third use. Are jeans on the list? Jeans are five to ten users. Towels after every third use. Are jeans on the list? Jeans are five to ten users. Oh, so you're just going to be able to wash jeans unless there's a visible stain.

No, exactly. Spot clean. Yeah. Sniff the crotch. But let's get back to the sheets. If you are once a year, sort your life out. Just if you're once a year. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

Glitch, fawn and hay leash, community notices. Yes, it is. Wow. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we see what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages. Yes, your segment. If you see anything crazy on your local Facebook page

Screenshot it, send it in to us Yeah, from the Waiheke Island Community Notice Board Reid writes Peanut butter Eggs Chicken Kale Almond milk

Okay Any context? It seems that somebody got confused as to where to type their shopping list And instead of putting it in notes, they put it on the Community Notice Board What was the first thing? It seems that somebody got confused as to where to type their shopping list. Instead of putting it in notes, they put it on the community notice board. What was the first thing? Peanut butter. Peanut butter.

Eggs, chicken, kale, almond milk. Anika writes, can you elaborate? Read, then comments. Anika, please get off my phone. What? I don't know. It's all gone. Old summer, maybe. It's all gone. Old summer, maybe.

It's all gone, Waiheke Island. Let's go to Utumutai Community page. Janice writes, Anyone get woken up by the loud ship's horns in the early hours of the morning? I've never heard them so clearly and loud from here. Maria writes, Yes, I thought it was coming from the phone. I've never heard that before.

And then there's general discussion about the fact that you live near a port, so you can't really complain about a horn on a ship tooting. And then Al jumps in with, I do apologize. That was my wife you heard passing gas from here in Papamoa. And his wife then reacts very poorly. She's not happy at all. That he has liken just out of her, Anna. That hair's likened to her toot. To a ship's horn. Leaving port.

Wow. Take that, domestic offline. Yeah, that is fantastic. Actually, very similar. Scott asks, on the Christchurch buy, sell, and trade page, who's the best tattooist in Christchurch for pet portraits? He's obviously just lost a pet. My cat died.

I don't want to talk about it. Hornet died months ago. Yeah. Don't want to talk about it. And Stephen writes, David's really good. He just got out of jail, but does mint work. Now, I feel it might be a joke, though, because then somebody's put up a photo of some of his other work, David's other work.

And it's this drawing of Michael Jackson there. Oh, my God. Yeah, I've seen this. Yeah, that's not good. Like for like. He's saying, I don't want that tattoo. And he said, he's a bit shaky. I was a bit shaky at the start.

But after a glass pipe, he's as good as gold until he ran out of ink. Okay, yeah. This is a piss take. Yeah. Absolute piss take. This is a really serious problem though. What's your Siri saying? Apparently I said No, I've turned it off now. Apparently I said something about shaking that ass.

Oh, okay. She was very interesting. She was like, okay. Do it, boy. Graylin Ponsonby, community page. Oh, okay. Catherine writes, I'm gutted that someone thinks it's okay to come and hack away at our beautiful frangipani tree. Oh, no.

What have they done to her frangipani? Well, they're taking cuttings because they want to grow their own frangipanis. Oh, okay. I've done that before. I've taken a cutting off of someone's tree before. If it's overhanging the fence. If it's overhanging the fence. If it's overhanging the fence.

I just took it And just lopped it off It's a tree It's public property Right But I think they're climbing Up onto the fence No no no

To reach over We see so many people Walk past and snap A little branch off But this is next level Seven big branches Were sawed off in two days Oh dear

Oh that's a bit much This tree is special It brings a lot of joy To a lot of people Please just stop Cameras have been installed Oh What a party pooper Could you imagine Ma ma ma ma ma It brings a lot of joy to a lot of people. Please just stop. Cameras have been installed. Oh.

What a party pooper. Could you imagine if your photo was up on a community Facebook page because you were lopping off a chair? The frangipani thief. Yeah, and it's a good clean cart. They've used a nice pair of garden shears. Oh, yeah. Is a frangipani an easily propagated plant? I don't know.

I'd love one. I'd love one. Go to the plant store like everyone else. I'm going to go to this place in Ponsonby and snip me off a branch. Hell of a time to propagate a frangipani. From the Richmond Avonside Darlington Shirley Locals page, or RADS for short.

Hey RADS, this is not having a go, just a warning, dot, dot, dot. Sure. They're about to have a go. Yeah. I just want it made aware that down the back by the wee stream of the playground next to Chancellor Street and Slater Street, there are some human feces. How did they determine it was human?

Standby. Human feces. It's down by the bridge end. I don't know how often This is happening But I just wanted to warn Parents and people Walking dogs

As it was not something Anyone would want to see And if the person Who is doing it Is on here Please stop There are public toilets Nearby

I don't want to see Ever want to see Human poo smeared All over my dog again Nor do I think Anyone else would too No So maybe by the smell again. Oh! Oh! Nor do I think anyone else would too. No. So maybe by the smell

they could only because human feces very smelly feces. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We understand. Do you get it? You get it? You're on board?

Yeah. And the from the Kirikiri Notice Board Maaya writes does anyone know where I can get belly button piercings done locally in a titty kitty? anyone know where I can get belly button

piercings done locally? 2001 is where you can get it done. Well, almost. Mark writes, FarmSource. FarmSource is a completely rural supply store. I'd be very surprised if FarmSource, along with calf meal, grass seed,

cow shed inflations. Do they do the cow ear piercings? Maybe they do the tags. Well, same thing, right? The ear tags and the nate tags. Are you going to get a nate tag done on your belly button? You'd be able to see it through the shirt. Well, they'd be able to scan you going places.

Yeah. Helpful. It could do that. It could save that. And then that would also stop the spread of COVID and microplasma bovis. Brilliant. So those are today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page,

you can screen cap it and send it to us F-E-H-Z-M A professional matchmaker Called Matchmaker Maria Has shared on her TikTok A set of rules For what your profile picture should be On your dating apps

Your Tinders Your Bumbles Your Grinders Whatever you want to use Whatever app you've got. I would imagine it's different. You'd customize it to whatever app. Tinder, your sexiest.

Bumble, a bit more like your long-term-ish. Grinder, just straight to the jennies. Yeah, let me know. Well, this I think she's coming at it from an angle of really looking to find love and to find the one. So she said there's an order, because you know your first one and your second one.

Your first photo should be of you looking into the camera, smiling, with no sunglasses or hat on. Yeah, because people need to see your sunglasses cover half the face. Yeah, it is just like, this is me. This is my face. Hey, how are you going? And the eye contact is obviously important because you need to connect windows to the soul, the eyeballs. Right. Your second photo should be a full body shot.

With no top on. No, she didn't specify the top. That's up to the profile owner. Okay. Depends how bad your lockdown was. Yeah, at the moment I'm keeping, I'm just going sort of deglutage up. Right. That's up to the profile owner. Depends how bad your lockdown was. Yeah, at the moment I'm just going sort of deglutage up. Your third photo should be a casual pic of you,

something a bit more sort of candid perhaps. Okay. To show a different side of yourself, less formal. Your fourth should be of you doing something fun and adventurous. Okay. Jumping out of a plane. Please tell me the fifth photo is my car. It's not your car, but you will like this one. A picture of you with your pet.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Pet slash wild animal I shot through the head. No. I'd stay away from that. Okay, pet. Well, you're really cutting off, you know, the amount of people that are going to like you.

Yeah. Because I've had female friends say that the amount of guys with like hunting photos or pictures of fish, their cars, it's like not a turn on. And men are so bad at the sunglasses on. You're like, I can't see a third of your face. Yeah, but that could be your fourth pick, your more casual one. Right, okay. No, your third pick, sorry. Third is casual, fourth is adventurous, fifth is your pet Two is full body, number one

Face, smiling to the camera What if my number one photo Are like my five hottest friends And I'm just there Hidden in amongst them Hopefully they think that I am Vicky But actually I'm the one on the end I'm just going, hopefully they think that I am Vicky. Yes.

But actually I'm the one on the end. I'm Tracy. Yeah, I'm Tracy. But apparently, so she shared this on TikTok and, you know, a lot of people on these dating apps had a go and followed these, this set of five rules. Yeah. And said their response was overwhelming.

Oh, wow. Because so often, I mean, I'm not on a dating app because I'm engaged to be wet. Yeah. And you're a bit ugly. Yeah, and I've got an absolute hell of a mug on me. An absolute face for radio. This is why I ended up here. Yeah, we all have.

We're up on the board. But when I have dabbled in my friends' apps, people are not spending enough time curating their profile pics. Their photos, yeah. So there's your tips. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. A DoorDash driver, which in the States is very similar to Uber Eats or MenuLog or any of the other. Like a delivery service.

Deliveroo, blah, blah, blah, around the world. Delivery, daggery, doogly doo. There is a Deliveroo, isn't there, in Australia? Australia, yeah, there's a Deliveroo. Well, this DoorDash driver shared on Tic Tac. Absolutely roasting. Did you say what? Did you say Tic Tac?

I did. I love Tic Tacs. It's because I'm thinking of food, and I want an orange Tic Tac. Right. Two cows. Two cows per Tic Tac. Oh, you can't get a better treat than a two-cow Tic Tac. Too many cows for a tiny Tic Tac.

Tic Tac. He shared on tic toc uh a very interesting order i'm out here doing daughter like 10 o'clock at night and i kid you not i swear to god this is what this person orders one kid like it must be high as hell don't get me wrong i'm not complaining but god damn one packet of skittles. One. One. One packet. He said one Skittle. It makes you sound like he's got one Skittle in his hand.

He doesn't have one Skittle. One packet of Skittles. To clarify, it is, and it's in a bag. You know how we can do it now as well. You can make orders from petrol stations and stuff. Yeah. But it's in this DoorDash bag. He pulls it out, and he's just like, he must have just picked up the bag and gone like, this is so light.

Is this empty? What is in here? I'm trying to think about what the smallest thing I've ordered is. Because a lot of places do, does Uber Eats have like a minimum spend? Or could you just buy a

cheeseburger? I think it depends on the place. You just pay the delivery fee, right? Yeah. So you can get any, you could get like literally a large fries. Yeah, but your delivery fee will still be $7.99. But if that's all you want to eat. Yeah. I remember, I worked on a set once and I

did order two pieces of toast with jam on it from a place. From Uber Eats? Yeah. Like a cafe was doing. Yeah, a cafe was doing like toast with spread and I was like, that's all I doing. Yeah, a cafe was doing like toast with spread. And I was like, that's all I need. I just need something. And I got toast with spread. That was probably the smallest thing.

Okay, that's quite ridiculous. Yeah, totally. Like that is ridiculous. I think even getting Uber Eats for breakfast is ridiculous. Like a poached egg. What? Because I live downtown, I just, getting Uber Eats is so weird to me. Because you're paying this huge delivery fee and everything is a couple of minutes walk away. Well, that's your privilege.

I'm pretty lucky. I'm miles away. I'm pretty lucky. But even if I lived ages away ordering one thing, I would have to order, to make it worth it, I would have to order a big meal. It's going to be a feast. Even if you're ordering pizza and the delivery's part of it, by all means, one pizza.

But if you're paying for the delivery, I feel like you might as well order a couple of extra pizzas. Keep them in the fridge. Yeah! Take it later! But then what if you ordered a big meal and it comes and then you're like, I just need a little pudding. And then you order just a single pudding. No, you dumb dumb think ahead! You order a pudding at the same time you're ordering your dinner.

One order. Well, we want to ask you guys, what is the smallest thing that you've ordered on Uber Eats? Or just any kind of delivery service, whether it was a small pudding, just one single item. A chopper chop. Tell us what it is, the smallest thing you've ordered,

0800 DARS at m uh give us a call or you can text 9696 we're uh talking about a food delivery driver who was ringing out one of his customers on tiktok uh after the customer ordered one bag of skittles the little one bag to be delivered to his door one One bag. Now, some responses in. The smallest thing you've ordered. We want to know. So someone had to go out of their way. You had to pay a delivery fee for this small, tiny item.

Josie writes, one pack of gum on Uber Eats. Oh, my gosh. Oh, come on. Can we all live close enough to a dairy or a... I mean, I live above a dairy. Maybe you don't. I mean, I live above a dairy. Maybe you don't. I mean, I don't either, but I also don't need gum that badly. Maybe around something.

Yeah. Was it delivered to home? Brush your teeth. What was the delivery fee on that one pack of gum? I don't know. It'll be the same, $7.99. If that was me, I'd get a pack of gum, but then I'd also get lollies, chippies, ice cream. Same.

And then I'd be like, chuck a loaf of bread in there. Yeah. To make it worth your while. Yeah, a bottle of milk. Yeah, yeah. Get something for yourself. A bag of chips if you want. That.

So you would pay a delivery fee on one bag of gum to come on Uber Eats, right? One pack of gum. Oliver said, I ordered a pen tip off AliExpress. It was 11 cents with free shipping from China. Tell me, how did they make any money on that? So a pen tip can get in from China, $0 delivery. Gun from the local servo, $6. Like, what's a pen tip?

Like the little nib on the end of the pen? It might be like a fountain pen. Or yeah, the bit you twist on. Yeah, like a posh little pen tip. I don't know how AliExpress, it's just volume. Pure volume. Yeah, they're just like banking on the fact that people buy heaps of things. Crazy.

Brendan's called. Brendan, what's the smallest item you've ordered online? It was Uber Eats, and we got free cutlery with free delivery. What? Wait, so you just ordered cutlery? Yeah, so there was a few stores with free delivery. This was during lockdown. So we were pretty bored.

And yeah, there was one store with free cutlery, so we thought we'd try our luck. You were an absolute time waster. So you just made an order and you were like, nothing, cutlery, free delivery. And they're like, F you, Brendan. Yeah, and yeah, they showed up with a big bag with just some cutlery in it. They were probably hoping you would take the plastic knife and stab it in your own temple.

So is that because on their menu, they'd obviously have all their meals, but then the cutlery was free? But people have cutlery at their houses! You don't need takeaway cutlery because you're eating at your house! Yeah. Don't offer free cutlery! And I guess once you'd cut, Louis, because you're eating at your house. Yeah. Don't offer free cut. And I guess once you'd ordered, too, they couldn't cancel because then they'd get bad reviews.

Brendan, you played the system. Well, I thought they were going to cancel. But, yeah, we thought we'd try and, yeah, they worked. Wow. Goddamn loophole, Brendan. Kicking hospitality while it was down. Yeah, Brendan, thanks for your call. Michelle, what's the smallest thing that you've ordered for delivery?

My husband got a Coke Zero from McDonald's delivered at less than a kilometre away from us. Oh, get in the car. Wow. I know. Can I ask, was he hungover? No, it was straight after work. No excuse.

So he'd also driven straight past it, presumably. Yeah. Maybe the drive-through line was long. But again, you're already ordering. You're paying the delivery fee. Get a quarter pounder. Get some fries. Cheeseburger at a minimum, eh?

Yeah. Thank you. Get a sundae for you. Treat your lady. That's a lowly. Michelle, thanks for your call Some more text in I did a Kmart order

And it turned out Everything I ordered Was out of stock Except for a single pen And it arrived in a huge box And I'm guessing They got the box out To make the order

And then nothing was there So they just plopped The pen in the box Huge box arrived Tiny pen inside Wasteful When I worked at Countdown Someone did online

Shopping delivery Someone ordered Six Kinder surprises To be delivered The worst chocolate The absolute worst I eat them like a snake I eat them like a snake

I have to regurgitate the toy Yeah right Blake said Toothpaste I Uber-eated some toothpaste It was desperate times How desperate? Like did he have someone around?

He's thinking there's going to be some smooch. Or maybe inviting somebody over. Yeah, but didn't have any toothpaste. He wants to smooch them, but doesn't want to be able to blakey rotten breath. And actually, we heard from a company, Pick and Mix NZ, that said we get heaps of these every day. Someone ordered a one-fruit roll-up, which cost them $1.50, and the rural delivery was $10. So they paid $11.50 for an effing roll-up, which cost them $1.50, and the rural delivery was $10.

So they paid $11.50 for an effing roll-up. But you know when you have that feeling, when you crave something, you're like, I'll do anything. My tightness will always be. Yeah, same. Do you think they thought

they were getting a box of roll-ups? Could be an error. For $1.50. A single? What's wrong with people? Also, the cost of a single roll-up is insane. $1.50? Jesus.

Well, it's not the 90s anymore, Vaughn. No, but I'm saying don't buy these things as one. Buy a box. Yeah. Buy a box and you can probably get a box for like $5. Come on. I feel like the little mouse off Sorted.nz. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley.

Play ZM. Well, I am very excited about this. We're joined in studio now by Morgan Penn, our resident, I'll call you sexologist. And we're talking about the touchy topic of cheating. How to move on from it. Can you move on from it? What happens?

What does it? Yeah, it's a bit of a scary topic, isn't it? Yeah, and it's really complex, actually, and individual. Because you've got the, there's always the team that's like, just dump him. And then there's the fact. Once a cheater, always a cheater. And then there's the other thing where you've got a mortgage together or the lease together, or you've got this past three or four years together.

Should you give them a chance? Yeah, and these are all the considerations that need to be like taken into it but what i would like to like touch on is that actually it's so prevalent like a 2021 study said that 46.1 percent of people in monogamous relationships have cheated half that's nearly half jesus huge right yeah but what i think is interesting about this and what wasn't specified in that study was that cheating is everybody has a different definition of cheating gotcha so somebody could think just giving a hug is cheating yeah right messaging yep exactly emotional cheating um i think we all sort of know that having sex with another person

when you've committed to another, that's cheating. But there are all these other little weird things that people can think. So I think that's sort of in it as well. That's high. That's a lot higher than I thought it would have been. Do you think that number is reflective of like, I now, being 32 years old, have a number of friends in open relationships

or one couple I know are in a polyamorous relationship, and there's more conversation now around the idea of monogamy being a little outdated. Yes. Do you think that's a reflection of that, that number of 50% of people cheating? Yes, but what's interesting about this is that it is mainly men, and it is mainly men in their 50s. Oh. Over 50. So 50 so bored with themselves yeah bored with something that they've been in already for like 20 years you know so i can't really see that generation opening up but i do think you know that

we are seeing a lot more open and polyamorous relationships now and i think that is going to stop the cheating yes you know because when you are indulging in these openness like the communication just goes up and so people know where everyone stands yeah and that's the thing about cheating there's this underlying secrecy and kind of yuckiness because things aren't being said and things are being hidden yeah Yeah, that's so true. The people I know in open relationships, the rules are unbelievable. The communication and the setup and the thought that goes into opening their relationship is amazing. You can only have that with excellent communication.

But still, does that stop the little bit of jealousy that you might get? No. If they hook up with someone hotter than you? But jealousy is not bad. I don't think, I don't, I don't. But jealousy's not bad. I don't think jealousy's a bad thing. It's like stirring something emotionally in us and it's something for us to follow. Like what's actually happening here?

What's missing? When jealousy is there, it means that there is something that feels like we're lacking in or we're missing out on. So it's about like self-investigation at that point. If you're in a relationship and they've cheated and you're not in an open relationship how do you move past that how what do you do yeah well funnily enough it depends on how you find out about it normally

determines whether or not you're going to be successful moving forward so like say if you find out from an unsolicited admission so if the partner actually comes to you without being questioned and says, I've done this, you're far more likely to stay together and move forward. If you find out with them being like caught red handed or a third party telling you, it's not really likely to continue. Right. Because they were probably never going to be honest about it yes exactly and then it depends on like if your partner's just slipped up and it's a one-time thing or if it's a full-blown affair that's been going on for ages yeah true so there are things to take into account but the biggest thing that needs to happen in this moment is the

apology and a plan to move forward like what they're going to do so an apology with no plan is like well there's not a plan you know there's no moving forward from that and then if you're both deciding to move forward the person that's been hurt needs to really feel it and give it all and let that person know how much it hurts because you need to then both decide to park it. You have to be able to move forward. This can't be something that gets dredged up every time bad stuff's happening. Like weaponized.

Totally. Like I want to do that. Oh, but we can't. But you cheated on me. Like that sort of. You owe me basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's got to be hard though. Yeah, would you recommend if you were doing this

and you got to that point where you were hurting and you let them know, would you recommend bringing in an external, a professional person to help you through it? Absolutely. 100%. You need an outsider party to look in there, see what's going on.

And you need to kind of go back to before the cheating and look and see were there some fractures in the relationship you know or was it really good like what was working what wasn't because actually this might be a great opportunity to go actually it wasn't working it wasn't that good i'm out of here right but if it was really cool yeah exactly it's no point just hanging on just for the sake of it or because of hurt or you've got fears that you'll never find somebody else or anything like that this is the time to either rebuild and make an epic relationship or get out there and find somebody else that's going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated if you are the cheater and you are um not caught red-handed and

you're looking to make this apology how how do you do that i mean where do you start i mean i don't know there's like like radical honesty like yeah make sure the person that you're telling is in a space where they can break down to hear this kind of yes just got the ten10 lunch curry deal. Don't they say that a large number of very serious conversations and relationships happen in cars because you don't have to look at each other? Yes.

Side-by-side therapy. You can be more open? Yeah. It's amazing. Is that what it's called, side-by-side therapy? Yeah. Lots of parents do it with their children because they're trapped, for one, can't get out, but also because, yeah, it's not intense, it's not confronting,

and it is actually quite a good trick. I've thought about it. You do have some serious chats in the car. Hell yeah. Wow. And then you get out and go into the barbecue, and it is tense. I prefer to do them on the way home. Yeah, nice.

Right. I always wonder what it's like if you have cheated on someone or you've been cheated on when you're watching a movie and there's cheating going on. It must be like, it

must be so awkward. Like watching a movie with your parents when you were a kid and they were boobies. Yeah. It's very awkward. It was a little bit of

side-by-side theory because no one was looking at each other during that. You know what that is, son? I think so. Good.

Morgan Penn, sexologist, thank you so much for coming in again. If people would like to contact you, they can find you on your Instagram. Yeah, Morgan the sexologist. I'd love to have you there. You flirt. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Now I know a long weekend's just happened, but why not start planning for another one? Sure. Because there's been a look into the best day of the week to take off for a mental health day. To abscond. I would have always thought Friday. Because, you know, you just sort of roll into the weekend. But I'm using my mental health day as just another day to party.

That's how I've associated the Friday. Well, but it'll either be a Monday or a Friday, right? But then you run the risk of if you genuinely need a mental health day, and people do, and there's nothing wrong with just staying at home. Absolutely.

And taking a day off. But you run the risk of being accused of cheating the system. Yeah, to extend your weekend. Yeah. Yeah. So if you're worried about that, don't post on system. Yeah, to extend your weekend. Yeah. Yeah. So if you're worried about that. Don't post on Instagram.

No, I was going to say then midweek is a break. Yes. But if you're not worried about that, apparently Monday is the day to do it because it extends your leisure. If you were to do a Friday anyway, Friday, most people apparently look at in the study. Most people looked at Friday as a little bit of a casual work day anyway. So you're already missing

the most enjoyable day of the week by taking Friday, which in your mind, you know, once you pass lunch you know, that downhill slide to the weekend, it's done. Whereas a Monday, it removes the doom and gloom of having to get ready on the Sunday for the Monday. You push that out.

Because Wednesday, you're like, you've worked and then you're already thinking about the work you've done. Then you've got Wednesday off and then you're thinking on Wednesday off about what the work has to be done on Thursday, Friday. So it's not a proper break, is it? So end or start of the week. And then there's the, say, if you do take a mental health day So it's not a proper break, is it? So end or start of the week.

And then there's the, say, if you do take a mental health day, to actually make it a mental health day to focus on your mental health, what you need to do. A little bit of exercise, a little bit of relaxing, a little bit of clear heading, not boggling. Yep. Get into nature. Errands. No, they say not on a mental health day.

Really? Because it's supposed to be For mental health And admin can be Quite a stressful situation Yeah I know Your personal admin Thrive on stress

Maybe mental health day Is not for you then Not for me Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Fact of the day Day day day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is Leonardo da Vinci, not DiCaprio. I wasn't sure where you were going to go there.

Leonardo da Ninja Turtle, Leonardo da Vinci, almost stole a river. Okay, how do you... How does one go about that? Do you remember recently there was a farmer who was like, I'm just going to divert this river, and he got in real big trouble? Oh, yeah, you get in big trouble for it. But we did that as kids. We were like, let's divert this river.

But just with a little dam here. Yeah, I was like, I don't think you're properly digging up. Yeah, you just make a dam and it spills over the side a little bit. But I mean, do that on a giant scale, that's basically diverting a river. Yeah. It's a crime. Well, this was at a time where there was a war between Pisa and Florence. Okay.

Gorgeous. These are both Italian. You've been to Pisa. You've been to Pisa. They're Tuscan, aren't they? In the Tuscany region. Tuscan's the middle best, eh? Of Italy. Both Italian. You've been to Pisa. You've been to Pisa. They're Tuscan, aren't they? In the Tuscany region. Tuscan's the middle best, eh?

Of Italy. Yeah. Pisa, glorious. Florence, I hear, glorious. I've been to Florence. It is beautiful. They were at odds. Yeah.

And there is a river, the River Arno, which flows through Florence and Pisa. Ah, I know that one. I know that one. You've been on the River Arno. Arno. Arno. I know that. Arno, what you talking about? He didn't get it, eh? Not at first. I got it on the second've been on the river Arno. Arno. I know that. Arno, what are you talking about? He didn't get it.

Not at first. I got it on the second time you said it. Yeah, there you go. Arno. So it flowed through Leonardo da Vinci's town first. Okay. And so he was charged by the town leader, like the mayor sort of guy, the leader of the region,

to steal the river. So it never flowed through Pisa. How? To divert it. He drew it up because, you know, he was a man. He invented the gyrocopter well before it was a practical thing that could ever be built. His art was one thing, but his design was another.

Yes. And so he designed a scheme to reroute this river through tunnels, and I believe it's pronounced canals. Canals. Canals, yeah. So that it would go around them. Canals. Canals, that's the one.

It would go around them, rob them of water. Which they need for irrigation and living, wouldn't they? Irrigation and living. Living predominantly. And transport. Huge for transport, making it harder for them to run their trade, Irrigation and living, wouldn't they? Irrigation and living. Living predominantly. And transport. Huge for transport, making it harder for them to run their trade and then give the Florencians a direct route to the ocean. Is that what they are, Florencians?

Oh, no, I don't know. I just made that up. Oh, I don't like it. Florencians. Florencerites. Florensonians. Florensonians. That sounds quite smart doesn't it

Because it sounds like Smithsonian Sounds like Smithsonian But then didn't end up doing it Actually in the end the plan was stopped just before The guy who he was working with turned out to be A little bit of a nought noughts boy Got caught No they're Florentines

Florentines They're Florentines Sounds like a cracker Yeah it does A Florentine Florentines They're Florentines Sounds like a cracker Yeah it does A Florentine cracker One that's heavily digested It's got you know Like fibre

Yeah yeah yeah Mums would eat it Buckwheat Yeah They make a Florentine They make a Do heft Very quick poo

Very surprising poo for you But yeah he never ended up doing it But he had it all drawn up On how he was going to do it Tunnels Wow Yeah Was going to do it all up.

And then, of course, that last bit. Have you ever watched the videos on YouTube of when people open up a diversion? No. It's good stuff. Does it gush out? All they do is they put a little hole down the middle and the water starts pushing through and it does the rest. It just does the rest, yeah. Well, I will be looking this up immediately.

Yeah, there's a couple of cool ones where diggers have dug a diversion because they need to do something to the original river. What do I look at? I think I googled diggers doing river diversions. Diggers doing river. Diversions, that'll take you there. Now your YouTube suggested. Oh, I like it.

Yeah. They just say that last little cut and then it all just takes care of itself. So today's fact of the day is along with painting the Mona Lisa and doing that code that Dan Brown wrote about and then Tom Hanks acted as. Yeah, the Da Vinci code. I think that's what it's like. I've never seen it. But I know Paul Bettany smacked himself for being a naughty boy in that movie.

He did. He gave himself a ride. Over and over and over again. Yes. Leonardo da Vinci almost also stole a river Fact of the day Day, day, day, day A new study has found that three and five people use words

Hang on Three and five people? Eight people A group of three people Continue, continue Three and five Hang on It's so funny that I've stuffed up this intro because it's about sounding smarter. It's about sounding

more intelligent and I sound like an idiot. Anyway, the study has found three in five people articulate themselves with big words to sound smarter, even if they don't know the meaning. Right. So this survey looked at language and vocabulary in general. 56% assume that someone with a complex vocabulary is very smart, even if they don't use the word in the right place. I always give this a shot, and I'll muck it up most of the time. How very serendipitous.

I think you've got to sound confident if you're going to use a big word. You've got to be confident, even if you don't know what it means. Here's some words that you can use to make you sound smarter. Okay. Rather than saying, let me say something to you. Let me articulate. I'd like to articulate that to you to make it clearer.

Brevity. Can we do so with brevity oh just do it quickly do it quickly yeah um anomaly abnormal is that right i don't even know yeah sure sounds right adulation oh the adulation they're like praise yeah praise laying it on abysmal it was an abysmal turnout yeah terrible these are pretty good We're going to get a little bit Quintessential is quite good Oh yeah Oh it is the quintessential winter coat

Aesthetic As opposed to saying Oh this is a nice looking room Oh I love the aesthetic Of this room Yeah Vacillate Oh okay let me guess

Something to do with Vaseline You put it around your mouth So Oh it won't fit Oh Vacillate No Oh, vacillate No, I'm vacillating Do I want a McDonald's or a salad?

I'm vacillating Well, obviously they're the show's sponsor So you'd say McDonald's McDonald's Absolutely You say it anyway, no one wants a salad To make a decision Vernacular

That's your veins? No, that's your words. Yeah. Did you vernacular? Did you spectacular? Yeah. What's that right? It's like vocabulary, right?

Yeah. Sorry? Vocabulary. Vocabulary. What did I say? What did I say? Vocabulary. I put an L in there.

Fastidious. Not required. Fastidious. Fastidious. That means like attention to detail, right? Yeah. This is one I really love. I want to use this more.

Instead of saying second to last, penultimate. Yeah, penultimate's a great word. Penultimate's a great right? Yeah. This is one I really love. I want to use this more. Instead of saying second to last, penultimate. Yeah, penultimate's a great word. Penultimate's a great word. Yeah, so look, you don't have to understand what the words mean. If you use bigger, fancier words, people will think you're smarter. It is so silly, silly, silly That silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole

Silly little pole Time for today's silly little poll. We asked you on Instagram, FVHZM. Do you dry dishes straight away or leave them to drip dry? So this is for you hand washers out there, not your dishwasher users. Even dishwasher users should have some things to hand wash.

Yeah, like you hand wash your pots. Your knives. Good knives. You don't put those in the dishwasher. No, you don't. Is that why your knives are rusty? So rusty. Anything with a wooden handle.

Oh, yeah, like chopping blocks as well. You hand wash those. Your baking spoons. Well, 77% say let it be. Leave it to drip dry. 23% pick up that tea towel immediately and start drying. Leave them drip dry. I don't know.

I'm somewhat split on this because I hate a streaky dish. And I always feel like when you hand wash with the suds in the water and you leave them there, they get little streaks around the rings of where you put them on the thing. And I hate that. Right. And then you've got like a counter chocker with drip drying dishes. And I just can't stand that. It's just as bad as having dirty dishes on the other side.

If I'm hand washing dishes, I'll fill it half with really hot water, liquid in there. It's all soapy. I'll clean, say, for example, a plate, and then I'll give it a rinse, a hot rinse under the tap before I drip-dry it. Eliminating the streaks. Eliminate any residual dishwash liquid.

You can't be doing that. We live in Auckland. There's water restrictions every summer. It's bloody raining all the time. It's raining all the time. We're out of the woods, babe. We can't be doing that. We live in Auckland. There's water restrictions every summer. It's bloody raining all the time. It's raining all the time. We're out of the woods, babe. We're out of the woods. Yeah, I think I need to perfect my technique.

I'm a bit sudsy. So you'll go straight in with the tea towel? Yeah, well, at the moment I have been because our kitchen is so small that there is not space for, and our dishwasher's broken. So we've got no dishwasher, so everything's getting hand-washed.

So there is no space to leave a full day's worth of dishes drip-drying overnight. So you get them straight away. So what are the majority, what are the people saying? Well, the people are saying, Amanda writes, mine have been drip-drying for over a day now. See, and they're just getting worse, they're getting stickier, and the residue is just settling in. Flies are landing on them.

Michaela writes, I hate having dishes left over on the bench. Prefer to have a clean space to add more dishes. Clean kitchen, clean head. When we redid our kitchen, I proposed that beside the sink we have a slightly tilted

so that when you put the dishes on there it runs down into the sink and takes care of itself. Sade did not like the aesthetic of that, so the option instead is that every time we leave dishes drying on the bench, which is every single day, there's a tea towel underneath the dish rack. Now, how's the aesthetic of that working for you? Yeah, the tea towel is a game changer under the rack.

Yeah, but we wouldn't have needed it if we'd had a slight slip. What I'm saying is the aesthetic changer under the rack. Yeah, but we wouldn't have needed it if we'd had a slight slip. No. What I'm saying is the aesthetic put it off a slight slope, but now we've got the aesthetic of the thing always on the bench. Can't you get some of the stainless steel runoff or whatever you have? You don't even need it. If you get your bench made out of that stone stuff and they carve it, they can put an angled carve in it now.

Not enough that you would even notice. Yeah, right. No, it's just slight. It's like a shower floor when they tile it and they just tilt it in a bit towards the drain. Yeah, just so it won't run down there. Okay. Callie writes with a life hack. Drip dry on the oven after you've cooked dinner.

It will dry them faster, and the glasses won't have streaky. On the oven? But then you've got to get your glasses out of the oven. So they've obviously got a freestanding. No, no, no. On top. So they've obviously got a freestanding oven. Yeah, I've got gas. Where the gas burner on the top hasn't been oven. No, no, no. On top. So they've obviously got a freestanding oven. Yeah, I've got gas.

Where the gas burner on the top hasn't been used. Yeah, right. So they put them on the top and the heat's coming out of the oven. Okay. That's a good tip, though. Or just get a dishwasher. Courtney says it makes me so mad when people dry them when there is a drying rack. Like, why do you have a drying rack if you're going to hand dry them anyway?

Good call. Also, they never got dry enough to be put away Then they smell I could go on about this for hours How bad do tea towels stink People are getting quite passionate about this aren't they Poppy wants to throw up the hands to the good lord And say God does a great job of drying the dishes

If you leave them there long enough God bless It'll just happen Amen Sarah does not agree with the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen. Saving the day.

Leaving to the drip dry is so bloody annoying. My brother and wife and his wife do that. Just dry them and put them away already, will you? Also, I always go,

do you have this rule in the kitchen where the chef doesn't do the dishes? But if I do the cooking and then Aaron does the dishes but doesn't dry them and then I put them away and dry them, I've done two jobs, he's done one.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you hold that over him? You know it. I'll hold that for years. Yeah. He's done a half a job. You've done one and a half full jobs.

Are you listening, Aaron? We can send him this. Well, 77% in our silly little poll drip dry. So vast majority. It is the vast. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.