ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 19th December 2022

Episode Date: December 18, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Trab Barista made iced coffees available now at your local McCafe. Well, let me set the scene, listeners. Last night, we get a message in the group chat. Yeah.

In the little group chat we had. We did. And it was a delicious bowl of Hayley's famous sausage stuffing. Yeah. A baking dish either. I will say I didn't make it. This is actually my friend's recipe that I hijacked and I shared with the nation. Sausage stuffing. Sausage meat and sausages.

So it's like French bread all ripped up, doused in wine. Yeah, a lot of white wine, Yeah, a lot of white wine. A lot of white wine. And then you've got sausage out of the casing that you've put in. You've got cranberries, celery, onions. It's just... The cranberries as well, soaked in alcohol. Oh, yeah, good. Amazing. Do you use the dried

packet craisins? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The craisins. Imagine if you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the craisins. Imagine if you got like the frozen cranberries from the supermarket. No, no, no, you can't do that. No, but you defrost them and then you soak them in alcohol. No, but they've got to be sweeter than that. They've got to be sweet, right.

They've got to be dried. Yeah, right, okay. So we went around to our friend's house for Friends Christmas yesterday. We had chicken. We had Yorkshire Puds. Wow. We had cabbage. We had asparagus. We had chicken. We had Yorkshire Puds. We had cabbage. We had asparagus. We had everything.

And we had this stuffing. And I told you guys I was having this stuffing on Friday, and then you asked me to bring you a little Sistema. Because we've been wanting to try this forever. Yeah, it sounds yum. It's incredible stuffing, but we stuffed it in our mouths, the whole thing. Wow. And my friend kept saying, grab a little Sistema for the boys.

They want to try it. I was like, nah, fuck them. Wow. And I ate it. I just kept nibbling back, popping back and nibbling. Why? Why were you nibbling? Why were you so peckish and hungry?

Because I had my pudding and then found my second stomach. What made you so late at night so hungry? So peckish. It was like we just stayed up watching a movie. Like the munchies. You were just munch, munch, munch, munch, munch. You were just munching on. And I was saying you and Aaron and I call you the munchies

because you're two little munches. Because it's weird that you had a massive dinner with all this meat and Christmas. And the Christmas pud. And then so late at night you got really hungry. You just got real hungry watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Two little munchies. You watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Okay, yeah, it was drugs.

Yeah, definitely. Wow. No, it wasn't. I can't believe. I'm on the good list. You've sent us a photo to say it's coming tomorrow. It is. On the way.

On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way coming tomorrow. It's on the way.

Dick Van Dyke, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. It's an amazing song. He was smoking two packs a day, Siggy, when he undertook that dance routine. He's 97 years old now, Dick Van Dyke. There was photos of him last week. Still running errands. Wow. He's wicked.

He's amazing. It was amazing to watch. That's what made me peckish, watching his output. Look at this Christmas dinner. Oh, yum. We've got fried cabbage. We've got chicken. We've got cumin and parsnips.

We've got crunchy potatoes. Not enough gravy on that. I gravied again after this photo. Good, good, good. Don't you worry. I realised at the first mouthful. Can you turn up my... Absolutely Vaughan, stand by.

This is the Broadway one. Oh, is this not the original London cast recording? It goes straight to the chitty-chitty-bang, this only bit I know. Chitty-bang-bang, chitty-chitty-bang- Bang. This is the only bit I know. Chitty Bang Bang. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. This is Chitty Bang Bang.

This is Toot Sweets. What do you mean? Toot Sweets. Toot Sweets. Toot Sweets. Toot Sweets. Toot Sweets. Toot Sweets.

The kids are crazy. Jeremy and Jemima. Truly. Truly. Ah. Truly. The whole time. They're like, jeepers, guys.

Shut up. Father. Father. Help us. Father. We need to take it back a couple of notchesepers, guys. Shut the fuck up. Father, father, help us, father. We need to take it back a couple of notches there. Yeah, well, enough on the bloody sweets. Julie. Also, just a reminder as well, this is our last week on air.

We'll finish up on Friday. However. And then over the holidays, we will be away for four weeks. But every day there will be a little nibble, a little morsel, a little podcast morsel. A little tootsweet. A little tootsweet for you to enjoy there over summer. Before we start back on the 23rd of January. Aye, the 23rd.

Play ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Looking around the building, we may be the only radio show here this week. Yeah. Lazy. Get out of bed.

Lazy people. Lazy radio announcers. Don't they know there's a recession coming? Obviously not. Obviously not. Well, the soccer ball's happening. The soccer ball will come. I can see the soccer ball out the corner of my eye.

So still two all at the moment. Yeah. Argentina were leading the corner of my eye. So still 2-2 at the moment. Yeah. Argentina were leading for most of the match. 2-1. I know, 2-0 at the 81st minute. Yeah. And then in the last nine minutes, France scored two.

So, yeah, equal. And it's gone into extra time or something? Yeah, it has. It's still going. God, they run around for a long time, don't they? Someone's always having to sit down and roll around on the ground. Oh, they love faking it, don't they? It's like, if you're tired, just say so.

It's okay. Just do what they're doing in rugby. Just do it for your head. Just take the brain injury and deal with it later in life. Yeah, take a tackle. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't ruin everybody's fun now.

Put your shirt back on. Who took their shirt off? No, no one. Hey, don't lean too far over on that chair, Fletcher. It'll go from under you. I was checking the score. I think they're just doing replays at the moment, so I'm wondering if the game's over.

Is the footy ball over? No, it might be close. Yeah, well, they're in circles. They might have gone into extra time. What are they doing? What are they doing? They don't look like they're celebrating. Oh, well, they're in circles. They might have gone into extra time. What are they doing? What are they doing? They don't look like they're celebrating. Oh, no, Argentina's back on the field.

Is that the Argentinians? Producer Jared's going to tell us what's happening. They've gone to penalties. Oh! Oh! I don't know what that means. It means they have a shot at goal. Five shots each at goal, and at the end of that,

whoever's got the most points wins. It's nuts. It's the most horrible way for a football game to end a little in a World Cup. I don't know, like, 90 minutes or... Because it all just... Now the goalie's... It's just the goal. ...set to fail.

Yeah. It sucks. I was a goalie once, played soccer for a season. My brother was the goalie. And I was terrible. Well, it's just too much pressure. Yeah, and do you know that, like, the goal is real wide. Oh, real wide.

Like, it's really hard to get from one side to the other quickly. Yeah, shit. So many went through. Well, that's why we've got to dive. But then you've got to dive almost. You've got to decide which way they're going to kick before they've even kicked it. Yeah. Madness.

Can we just stay here and cricket? Oh, my God, not cricket. What is it? Football. The footy ball. Just stay chatting about the football. Associated football. Well, no, we've got a show to do.

Oh, what are we talking about? You've got a top six coming up? Well, I sure do. There's been a spinach recall because some of the spinach is making people trip balls. Now, this is in Australia. We should say this is Victoria.

Yeah. Not New Zealand. Tripping spinach. Like hallucinogenic. What have I got planned for the weekend? Is this a Friday night and I've got a free weekend? I'll take some Trippy Spinach. It sounds like the name of a university band. We're Tripping

Spinach. Trippy Spinach. Hope you guys like Oasis. Because we're about to kick it off with Wonderwall. Today is gonna be the day. We're Tripping Spinach. Top 6 signs your spinach was Tripping Spinach is the top the day we're tripping spinach. Top six signs your spinach was tripping spinach is the top six. It's coming up later.

Next on the show though. Frightening scenes. Frightening scenes at a hotel. Outrageous. I know this something's happened that I've always wanted to happen. I've always thought happened. You sort of imagine how hasn't it happened when you see them. But now it's happened. Now it's happened. But now something's

happened. Oh my god, what could it be? We'll tell you next. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I... When was the last time you went to the aquarium? What aquarium? I don't know. Do we have aquariums?

Yeah, well, I mean, Kelly Tarleton. Oh, isn't Napier the national aquarium? Yeah, I went there last year. I've been a part of. I lost me when they got rid of the dolphins and the seals. Yeah. God, you love those captive mammals, don't you? You love them.

Yeah, I don't want to see an orca unless its top dorsal fins flop over, you know? No, you're saying. Oh, look, Mum, it's free willy, and I see one in the wild with a nice pointy dorsal and a wrecked dorsal, and I'm like, who do you think you are? You, you're saying. Oh, look, Mum, it's Free Willy, and I see one in the wild with a nice pointy dorsal and a wrecked dorsal, and I'm like, who do you think you are? You think you're better than Willy? Yeah.

Well, I always wanted, oh, I've missed it now. I'm literally, we're working on our house. I should have put it in one of those tanks. No, yeah. That connect two rooms. No. That's classy. Are you a gigolo?

That's classy. No way. It's very, Are you a gigolo? That's classy. No way. It's very like a scene in the movies. Like they're always a drug lair has one of those. Yeah. A drug kingpin always has a kingpin. Yeah, kingpin. Always has like a kingpin.

Yeah, yeah. Always has a big aquarium. It's like, what is it? You have trouble with Gs. Unsung. Unsung. Unsung. Kingpin.

Kingpin. Anytime you try to say unsung hero, you just say unsung. Unsung hero. Anyway, so there was a massive, it is actually, well, was the largest freestanding cylindrical aquarium. So this was in Berlin. Oh, yeah. In a hotel lobby.

And it broke. And this is like, it would have been at what, three or four storeys? Oh, no. Yeah, it was like. It was a million litres. A million litres, 15.85 metres high. So that's a million. 52 feet high.

Million kilograms of water. A million bottles of milk. Because that sounds like, oh, that'd be kind of funny. But it's not. It's so much water. Yeah. It'd be so heavy. Yeah.

And it had 1,500 fish in it had 1,500 fish in it. 1,500 fish in it. Most dead. Yeah, no, I assumed so. So in the middle of the night, someone said that it just sounded like there was an airplane flying really low towards the building. And it was like this rumble going,

and then this absolute explosion as this entire tank just exploded. And they think it's because Berlin's got really cold. And they're like, oh, the temperature's a lot off. But then it always gets cold. It always gets cold in Berlin in winter. There's snows and stuff. The sights are so scary.

It's like these two dark poles in the middle, which had, you know, like coral and all that kind of stuff on it. And then just glass everywhere. So this was the biggest freestanding. Because if you've been to Dubai, to the mall. Yeah, there's a massive one in there. The massive one, but that's not cylindrical. That's like.

No. But that is humongous. That goes right up. Yeah, it's multiple stories. But as you say, it's not cylindrical. No. No. Wow.

But again, when you see something like that in the Dubai Mall, you're like, God, imagine that. I know. That's what I was worried. That's what I didn't like it. Yeah, I don't like it. Because I'm like, oh, no, the glass is thick. It's very thick.

Yeah. Oh, it's glass. Yeah, but glass breaks. You were more concerned about H&M flooding, weren't you? Oh, my God. Once I got my shopping done, thank God. Yeah, but glass breaks. You were more concerned about H&M flooding, weren't you? Oh, my God. Once I got my shopping done, thank God. Yeah, please, please. Thank God.

It can happen once. I've got my undies, three for ten, you know. Thank God. You buy them in those little packs, eh? Those plastic packs. Yeah, yeah, you do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I survived.

Thank God. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. It's SZA, Kill Bill on ZM, Fletch Vaughn and Hayley It's SZA, Kill Bill, On ZM, Fletch Vaughn and Hayley That song currently number three in the streaming charts SZA and Sam Smith, the only artists in the top ten That isn't a Christmas song What do you got there for Christmas songs? Mariah Carey, currently number one

Wham! Last Christmas, number two Of course SZA in at three Brenda Lee, Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree. Is it four? Do you know she was 13 years old when she recorded that song? Rockin' around. But have you heard it?

She sounds like a woman in her 20s who loves a derry. Christmas tree. When was that? In the 40s or 50s. It probably was on the derries. Boo Bley is at five. With It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas. Jingle Bell Rock. Santa Tell Me. or 50s or 60s. It probably was on the durries. Buble is at five with it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Jingle Bell Rock, Santa Tell Me, Ariana Grande would be the only modern Christmas song in there. And then Feliz Navidad, Unholy, Kim Petras,

their Christmas song Unholy. Unholy. Best pop star. And then Michael Buble again, Holly Jolly Christmas, number 10. Then Band-Aid,

Meghan Trainor. Wow. People are streaming the hell out of Christmas songs at the moment. Oh, this week it's on. Have you heard that Sia Christmas song, Snowman? No. No? Why?

My children and wife are gaslighting me about this song. I'm like, oh, what is this song? I've never heard it before. And they were all like, yes, you have. Yes, you have. You've heard the song before. It's Sia's Christmas song, Snowman. Yes, you have. Yes, you have. I was like it before. And they were all like, yes, you have. Yes, you have. You've heard the song before. It says Christmas song, Snowman. Yes, you have. Yes, you have.

I was like, I haven't. They're like, yes, you have. Yes, you have. And now I'm beginning to think I had. It's nice that a man's being gaslit. It's nice. It's nice to see. I don't like it.

I can see why you lot, females, are against it. Vaughan, you're being crazy. Am I? Are you making this up? I feel like he is. I think you're making this upughan, you're being crazy. Am I? Are you making this up? I feel like he is. I think you're making this up. I think you're imagining things. It's not as big a deal as you're imagining, Vaughan.

Yeah. You're being crazy. Anyway, I've got a list of the top five. This is from experts. Oh, I love experts. Top five places to propose. Now, all of these are overseas. The closest one on this list is Australia.

We've got a global recession coming. We're not darting off around the world. We're not darting off around the world. So I've decided I will give you these five, and then you, Hayley, and Vaughan must come up with a New Zealand equivalent. You, Hayley, and Vaughan. Now, you, Hayley, and Vaughan. Hayley and Vaughan must come up with a New Zealand equivalent. You, Hayley and Vaughan. Now, you, Hayley. You.

And Vaughan. Hayley. Oh, okay. And Vaughan. Do we need to work on structure with you a little bit? I know that we're in the middle of the show. Just punctuation. Let's go through a little bit of professional broadcasting.

You, Hayley and Vaughan. You are in no place to be talking to me about professional broadcasting. You, Hayley and Vaughan. You, Hayley and Vaughan. Well You, Hayley, and Vaughn. Well, you, Hayley, and Vaughn. It's still no. You, Hayley, and Vaughn. I will give the top five places to propose,

and then Hayley and Vaughn, you will then give me a New Zealand equivalent. So who's the you in this? I still am just not quite. You both will give me a New Zealand equivalent. Okay. Thank you. God, it took him a while, didn't it?

He's crazy. He's crazy. He's crazy. Central Park. Central Otago. In New York City. Yeah, the centralist. Is a beautiful place to propose.

Would you like to be proposed to in Central Park? Sure. I mean, by the time I got proposed to, I wanted to be proposed to anywhere. This is the time of the year for a Central Park proposal, right? Yeah. Winter, winter, yeah. Well, that's why if you think about a winter Central Otago

with a pinot noir. Yeah. Okay, so where in Central Otago would you propose? The onsen hot pools. Just after I've taken a phenomenal photo of her. Of your dumper. Yeah. Or my dumper.

Just a dumper must be photographed, of course. You have to. I've done a dumper photo at the onsen. Yeah, you just have to. Do they change the water after every time? Not every time. Yuck. Okay.

What did you do at the onsen? No, I'm wondering what you did at the onsen. I didn't do anything at the onsen. Okay. Next on the list of the top places to propose, Hamilton Island. This is the closest to us in Australia. on-scene. Okay. Next on the list of the top places to propose, Hamilton Island. This is the closest to us in Australia. Beautiful.

Hamilton. Hamilton. At Duck Island. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. Or what about in front of the giant door in Wheelbarrow at the Hamilton Gardens? There's so many places to propose in Hamilton. The Botanical Gardens are an absolutely beautiful place for wedding photos and proposals.

Love them. That would be a proposal hotspot, right? Hamilton Gardens. Yeah, you'd be down on one knee and you'd look just behind and there'd be another dude down on one knee who's... Yeah. It is pretty much the Eiffel Tower. Yeah, you're turning up there and you're like,

oh, are you... Will you go? No, we'll wait. That's next on the list, Paris. Not specifically the Eiffel Tower, but if you've ever been up the Eiffel Tower, you always see a proposal Always

It just happens I saw one when I was up there Well there's big pylons everywhere in New Zealand I just say pop a knee in front of a pylon They look exactly the same They do It was a couple of years ago August thought they were called Eiffel Towers

Pylons were called Eiffel Towers Did you keep that lie going? I was so blown away by it I was like what? She's like all the Eiffel Towers I was like all the Eiffel Towers She's you keep that lie going? I was so blown away by it. I was like, what? She's like, all the Eiffel Towers. I was like, all the Eiffel Towers? She's like, there's one, there's one, there's one. I was like, ah.

That's pretty cute. I assume she just thought the original Eiffel Tower was just a very large pylon. And they just snipped the cables and left it there. Yeah. Yeah. Venice in Italy is next on the list of the most romantic places to propose.

Very romantic. It is on a gondola. Gondola. On a gondola. Well, you've got two options there. North Island, the Parwanui waterways, but you've got to be pretty posh to step foot in the Parwanui waterways. All the Whitianga waterways. What about the Avon?

That was my next option because you've got the gondolas. You go for a punt. Yeah. Although we went swimming in that river, didn't we? It was a bit poosy. Did you swim in the Avon? Oh, yeah. It's a bit ducky by then.

A bit ducky, yeah. No, no, that's not a swimming. But I've been for a punt on the Avon. A punt on there? A punt. Punt. A punt on the Avon. That is quite nice.

It is very nice. It's lovely. Mine was with Josh Thompson, so there was a lot of loud, silly boy carry on. Yeah, right. But no romance? No, unfortunately not, because we're both quite big lads. We couldn't get it to balance and still...

Couldn't get a wobbly knee, yeah. Couldn't get a canoodle in a canis. No sudden movements in the gondola. No, no, we didn't want to end up in the ducky water. St. Lucia is next on the list. St. Luke's. St. Luke's, the mall. St. Luke's in the Caribbean.

Yes. Yes. Well, no, St. Lucia in the Caribbean, St. Luke's Mall in Auckland. That's your New Zealand version. There you go, yeah. Where would you do it at St. Luke's Mall or any mall? Probably outside Pasco's. Oh, beautiful.

Yeah, straight in. Get the ring straight away. Fresh. And you get it resized back in your garden. Boom. And get it cleaned in that little cleaning machine they've got. Yeah. Yeah, done.

That's perfect. Pop for a little Saint Pierre's. Oh, and a rub afterwards. And a massage. More massage. Yeah, fans. If fans. Beautiful fans massage.

I just love that. Just that lovely, you know, delicate touch. That fans has just got such a soft touch. Yeah, lots of shoppers. And then, like, you're just, you know, they're just getting into that knot you've got on your shoulder. And it's bing. Hello, shoppers. If you drive a black you're just, you know, they're just getting into that knot you've got on your shoulder and it's, bing, hello, shoppers. If you drive a black Nissan, Peter, you've left your lights on.

Damn it. Yeah, that's you. So romantic. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM. Fletchford and Hayley, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. In the World Cup, the game in extra time at the moment, Argentina, France. Argentina have just scored leading 3-2. Does that mean

they're done? I don't know. They keep going, don't they? They're running around. I think it's 15 minutes extra time. They've been playing

for 110 minutes. Yeah, too much. I'm tired. We're tired at that point. I just want to sit down, please. Today's silly little poll. Do you like swimming

in a pool or in the ocean? Nothing beats an ocean. I voted the ocean. It's healing. Yes. You feel connected to the land. Oh, and when you get sea hair?

Oh, yes. Sexy. Oh, yeah. I get sea beard, but it's not quite as sexy as sea hair. It's not as sexy as sea hair. There's something about being in the ocean. It just makes me feel alive. Do you know my favourite birch?

Birch. My favourite birch. More favourite birch. More favourite birch. More highly sprawled. My favourite beach in Auckland is Takapuna Beach. I always go to Takapuna Beach. Because it's flat?

Yeah, it's just easy. Not as, yeah, right. And any time that I get into the ocean, I steer at the island and I scream, Rangitoto! What are you doing? What are you freaking everybody out? The mountain makes me feel alive. Why do you scream at it?

You're scary. You're scary. I literally scream at the maunga because I'm connected. Well, at the moment, your takapuna's green. Yeah, I just looked at the beach I go to. Poopy? No, it's got a green, but it's surrounded by a black beach and a red beach, which is swimming not advised and a do not swim.

Oh. Yeah. But Takapuna's green, is it? What's Naranek got going on that's so poopy? Is it poopy? It's poopy, yeah. Is it poopy? That's a do not swim.

There's so many poop. So black is the worst, like do not swim here. Mission Bay, currently black. Beautiful Mission Bay. Yep. Okahu Bay, the one closer to Auckland City, currently black. St. Halley's, currently red. Kohumarama, green.

But in the middle of all this poopy chaos. Does the poo not flow to that beach? I don't know. How can a beach be surrounded by poo on the left and poo on the right? Oh, God. And not have a bit of poo? That's odd, isn't it?

Yeah, there's got to be some sort of crossover. We're just so blessed with beautiful beaches in this country. Yeah, they're nice to look at. You can't beat a beach. I mean, I know a pool's great. Well. Yeah, a pool's awesome. It's convenient.

It's right there. But, man, when you're swimming in the ocean and it's, like, really clear and there's, like, these poisonous sea snakes that are apparently going to become... Oh, my God, I know. Yeah, I don't want them. I don't want snakes.

And then stop. Tell that woman to leave it alone. Go get a spade and cut its effing head off. No, apparently they're protected. I don't care. Yeah, I'd cut it off. They're not protected against a spade and cut its effing head off. No, apparently they're protected. I don't care. Yeah, I'd cut it off. They're not protected against a spade. Too true.

I think that's what they're protected against. And then use that spade to cover the hole. If you spade a sea snake, just don't tell anyone. Just keep that on the down low. The results are in from the nation of whom we asked. 66% of people said the pool. Prefer the pool. 34% of people said the pool. Prefer the pool. 34% say the hosium. What's wrong with these people?

I know. Well, Michael says, I don't really like either. It's got to be freshwater lakes and rivers. Oh, I love a river swim. Dangerous, but I love a river swim. You've got to know your rivers and that's a little bit going into summer. Rivers are wildly unpredictable. You don't want an eel. You don't want to come

face to face with eels. There's a lot of eels. I was swimming in the river Christmas Day down in the Wairarapa. Oh. Jealous. Real nice.

I'd swim in the stream on Christmas Day but dairy farmers have ruined the water. They have. You're locked. And they don't want to do anything to fix it.

Christy Jess says I'm just joking. We joke. We joking. We joke. We joke. Of course we joke. My father has planted his creek with natives and it's beautiful. It's beautiful.

Yeah, but it's just a bit yuck under there now. Yeah. It's a bit like... Yeah. I can't see the sun. Oh, yeah. What's in here? Well, Christy Jess agrees.

She says, I choose the pool because there ain't nothing unknown swimming in the pool. Yeah. Nothing weird. Gina says, love the waves and sunbathing. Yeah. The waves. I love getting smashed by waves.

I love getting run. I'm not a huge fan of like a surf beach. I love a surf beach. I don't want a West Coast beach. I want a nice cove or a bay. Like Kiteri or something. Oh, that must be bloody nice. Hannah says,

Pool. Seawater makes me feel so itchy when it starts to dry. That'll be the salt. That sounds like you've got a skin infection. You might have a fungal salt allergy. Hannah, who is a grown woman, says, I saw Jaws when I was four. I've never been able to swim in the ocean.

You should never have been allowed to watch Jaws at that age. I watched it at like eight. No. People thought it was a bit more acceptable. I wouldn't even go in the pool. There's a PG warning label on that movie for a reason. Parental guidance.

Angela says, I hate sand up in my bits. It does get in there. Yeah. Pool all the way. I just like to tighten my ranks before I go into the ocean, so there's no... What does that mean? You need to tighten the ranks. Cl go into the ocean so there's no... What does that mean?

You need to tighten the ranks. Clench the anus. Oh yeah, okay. Yeah, especially like I said before, I love a wave and I love body surfing and I like tumble dro by the... As you get hit by the wave, it's always important to remember to kegel. To kegel. To tighten everything up and shut it. Otherwise sand will get blown right up your fanny. You've got to

become a waterproof vessel. Exactly. Just right as the wave hits. Everything. Yeah. Mouth. Shut it. Eyes. Shut it.

A nuclear class submarine. Yeah. Really tight. Watertight. Watertight. I'm just wondering, it sounds to me like Angela isn't clenching. She's being loosey-goosey in the sand. She needs to practice her kegels.

Next time you go to the toilet, just stop halfway through and then release. And that's just a nice little kegel exercise for you. Tighten that right up. Well, be safe in the water this summer. Yes, please do. Swim between the flags. Always wear your floaties. Yep.

You're never too old for floaties. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Three all at the World Cup final at the moment. France and... Argentina. Argentina. Just had an absolute mind blank there. You were just saying. You were just saying,

I don't want those hot Argentinians to be sad. I was just... Yeah, I was. It was Argentina that the Falklands War was against. Yeah. hot Argentinians to be sad. You can't forget it's Argentina. Yeah, I was just... It was Argentina that the Falklands War was against. Yeah. So this is a real kick in the balls for England. The age-old rivals France and the people who in the 80s were like, no, are competing in the game that they were sure they were going to win.

Yeah. Take that, England. Well, I don't know what's happening now. They've just... What, they're half-time of the extra time? Half-time of extra time. So... I think it might have been flashback hugging. Well, I don't know what's happening now. They've just, what, they're half time of the extra time? Half time of extra time. I think it might have been flashback hugging. Yeah, right.

Is that a flashback? Yeah, flashback hugging, I think it was. Is that what we call for flashbacks? That's what we call flashback hugging, yeah. And every time they do one, it goes, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do on the screen. Well, we'll keep you updated. Yeah, we certainly will.

What a tense game, tense game. Certainly will. Now you guys know me. I love a sing song. I love to sing. will now you guys know me I love a sing song I love to sing I love to sing alone I love to sing in groups you've got a drama degree

don't you yeah yeah does every actor like to sing though no no I didn't like to sing

before I went to drama school didn't you yeah and then singing in we did a lot of group singing and I love it god you know

and harmony sounds unbear group singing and I love it. God. You know, in harmony. It sounds unbearable. It does. You love it. All trying to one-up each other constantly. No, actually, no. Fletch had an idea that this week we learn in full harmony the White Lotus theme song.

See? Yeah, great. We're nearly there. We're nearly there. We're nearly there. We're nearly there. We just have to split into parts. Anyway, so Christmas carol singing, it is the season of carolers and the songs everywhere.

Well, apparently they're very good for us as people to sing together in these stressful times. So a few reasons why. When we sing, we consciously manage our breathing and like when we're speaking or at rest because, yeah, you're conscious and going, this is the length of the line. And when you manage your breathing like that, you can bring down your heart rate, which does all sorts of good things

like releasing the oxytocin and improving your mood because you're calmer and less stressed and bringing down your cortisol levels just from singing a little well-known song together. It also bonds us in these sort of strange times. You know when you sing with people, you're all connected. Karaoke? Say karaoke like a duet? Any singing.

Okay. A duet, what would you do? Island's in the stream. Or Don't Go Breaking My Heart. Oh, yeah, that's classic. It's a classic duet. Classic. All right, go breaking my heart. Oh yeah, that's classic. It's a classic. It's a classic duet. Classic. Alright, so sing for happiness. Sing

together and it will make us all happy. Sing for happiness. That's probably why Vaughan's so happy after church on a Sunday. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never seen the man happy yet. I know. Fooled with the light and the love of the Lord. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Just tell me if I should. Just the French are upset. Oh, Argentinians in happy tears. France are in. Oh, that's Messi. I know that. Lionel.

He's happy. Oh, no, you've not said that right. You said Messi as in messy, isn't it? Messy. Like a messy platter. Maybe not quite that Z-heavy. Z-Z-y. Messy.

Messy. Oh, God, he is a drink, isn't he? This one. Messy. No, no, no, no, no. The hot French one. Which one? There's a few hot French.

France. Anyway, carry on, Vaughn. All right, well, there's been a recall in Victoria in Australia. Following consumption of Riviera Farms branded baby spinach, 120 people believed to have suffered symptoms after consuming spinach and widespread recall Of fresh food items Contaminated with a weed

Now the weed is causing People to trip Wow You wouldn't know If you got like a You know A bag of salad Because you just

Chuck it on your plate Oh the mixed leaves The mixed leaves Sometimes I go through And I'm like I don't like the look of that one And I just chuck it Because it does look

A little weedy Yeah And I guess that's the thing, right? If it's just like this big farm and they're spraying everything, so you assume that anything in there has survived the spraying process, well, something in there

made people trip balls. So I've got the top six signs your spinach is trippy spinach. Okay. Number six on the list, you're actually enjoying spinach. Yeah. Because it's bitter.

It's spinach. It's bitter. You can have it in a salad, but it's got to have a dressing in there. Yeah. Because it's bitter. It's spinach. It's bitter. You can have it in a salad, but it's going to have a dressing in there. Yeah. You can wilt it, but then it goes from like a cagey spinach to like a teaspoon. You use like eight packets of spinach and you wilt it to put with your eggs, Benny. I hate wilted spinach. It's so stringy.

It's fibrous. Number five on the list of the top six signs your spinach is the tripping spinach. Are you enjoying your 2003 God's Kitchen EDM CD compilation again? Oh, it's a good CD. Some songs that really speak to your soul in there. Some of the songs. Ministry of Sound. Oh, yeah.

Top six signs your spinach was the tripping spinach. Number four, it was screaming as you finished the salad. How heavy! Don't eat me! The first few mouthfuls, it was quiet, but by the end of it, it was screaming.

Yeah. Number three, on the list of the top six signs your spinach was a tripping spinach, you are spinach. Oh, while you go to the bathroom and you're like,

I am spinach. Spinach. Spinach is me. Number two, on the list of the top like, I am spinach. I am spinach. Spinach is me. Number two on the list of the top six signs your spinach was a tripping spinach. Poetry makes colours and smells now. Right. It's good, you know.

I love the smell of T.S. Eliot. I was going to say a little bit of Rupert Kling. Really, it'll get you going. And number one on the list of the top six signs your spinach was a tripping spinach. It was your golden ticket to a fantasy world

full of fairies and goblins and it felt like you'd never leave and then it was over and you pine for a return to a world that felt so real at the time that you can't deny its existence any longer. Wow. It's just there.

It's just out of reach of our weak human minds. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Ailey. of our weak human minds. That is today's Subsex. Well, I'm a big fan of Period Undies, have been for a long time. I am a number one fan of our, and so we're very lucky to have Michelle Wilson from our in-studio.

Good morning. Kia ora. Thank you so much for joining us. And I'm not just saying this because you're here. I can't remember who put me onto Period Undies. And they were like, it's the way. Oh, yeah. Like, it's the only way.

Oh, yeah. And I'm a convert. They're amazing, eh? Yeah. Why would there ever have been a need to convert? Surely, like, what do people struggle with about them? Shall we explain this in layman's terms? Yes.

Okay, so before period underwear came around, we had something like toxic and plastic and icky that we needed to insert inside. Do you want me to keep talking? No, no, no, I know that. That's why I'm saying I can't believe it. You know, you said you were a convert, but surely it's... Well, when I was growing up, it, no, no, I know that. That's why I'm saying I can't believe it. Like, you know, you said you're a convert, but surely it's...

Well, when I was growing up, it was like, you start with pads, then you transition to tampons, and that's you until you go to menopause. That sort of was the general thing. Just skip over 40 years of your life there. We've been so used to our whole lives. I've been so used to being uncomfortable during our period. So I think it's been really interesting

the journey and watching people because when I first launched Aura almost five years ago, a lot of people were like, oh nah, nah, I'm good, I'm good. I'm good with a tampon. And then I'm like, just try it. And they're like, what the is this? This is amazing. You just go about your day.

Literally, you just put on underwear. You blend into the underwear. And I know you're thinking, what the is this? What? This is amazing. You just go about your day. Like literally, you just put on underwear. You blend into the underwear. And I know you're thinking, oh, gross. But the underwear stay completely dry. Right. It's completely dry. It's some kind of wizardry that I'm not going to disclose over on the radio. I knew it.

It's magic. You stay completely dry. So it basically feels like you don't have your period. I just want the whole world to just, yeah, convert to period underwear. And I hear you have daughters Vaughan. Yes, I do. Two of them. How old are they? Eight and ten.

So yeah, we're knocking on that door. The conversations are starting to be had. Amazing. How are you feeling about that? Well, my wife takes care of most of it but I don't ignore it or go into the woodshed and grab an axe and cut water and drink whiskey to be like, no men don't talk about that sort of thing.

But I mean, I can't talk from my own experience. So I guess I'm an observer and always willing to be an ear to listen. But yeah, which is something I know a lot of dads would struggle with. You're quite a modern dad. And I would say a more progressive dad than maybe some of us. My dad's very like, we're very close, but he just was not part of that whole conversation. And I wonder why is that?

Because one thing I'm super passionate about is re-indigenising and doing a lot of the things that our ancestors did. And what our ancestors did was so different to what it is today. So men were an a lot of the things that our ancestors did. And what our ancestors did was so different to what it is today. So men were an active part of the conversation when it comes to a girl when she first got her period. Boys were actively educated. Men and dads would take over a lot of the tasks and things so that the woman could rest. So I just think those traditions are so beautiful. I agree, we should bring that back. And I've been talking about it for about five years, but a few months ago,

I realised why are we not at the point where I wanted to be at? And I realised it's because men are still silent in the conversation. So I really encourage as many men as possible just to start small. You know, you don't have to go hardcore, but just kind of ask your,

start with your partner, ask your partner how she is, plan a special meal for her. Take over some of the duties that she does at home so that your daughter can witness that because the only thing that's going to happen is she's going to realise that her period is a nurturing time where she can and should be cared for.

Do you think boys should be educated? Because when we were at school and everybody was going through this stuff, you did kind of, there was camps. Boys learned this, girls learned this. And you learned like the science side of it, I guess, and biology. But you don't actually know anything about it. Like guys just don't tend to know anything about it.

It definitely has to change and that's what I'm hoping to start. So I can't force the government to start education programs, but I'm starting webinars in the new year, which I hope you'll come on board to one of those as a guest, Vaughan. So I want to host lots of webinars so I can do as much teaching as possible. But the way I like to think about it is imagine your daughters and say they get a partner. How do you want that partner to really be educated

to take care of your daughter? Of course you do. I'll educate them in the woodshed I was talking about. With the accent, yeah. We'll do some educating. That's daddy's classroom for any potential boyfriends or girlfriends or partners. Well, hopefully it's changing

and you're doing such amazing stuff with it, Michelle. I really appreciate it. Not only your products for myself, but yeah, the likes of young people that don't have to have shameful big kits like I have. My mum made a little period kit for the day that it arrived, you know. Oh, that's beautiful.

Oh, it was really nice of her. And then the day it did happen, I was a little bit later, I was about 13. I text my mum and I was like, oh, it's here. And she left work, like stormed home from work and came home with like tampons, pads, ice cream, like lollies, chocolates.

That's a lot more than, you know, a lot of people get. And that's why I put together our first period kit, which is available on our website. But they come with a three or four pack of our, some goodies, a wet bag, a little hot water bottle and a beautiful little guide about periods. I think you should just sell these little hot water bottles for everybody.

Yeah. We do. That's cute. Just for the couch in winter. Yeah. Put it on your face. Small of your back. Yeah.

So you can get your period kits online. Yes. On our website. Ourperiodcare.com. Amazing. Yeah, so dads don't need to know anything apart from they can buy one kit that has everything. Yeah, absolutely. How amazing a gesture would

that be? If your dad bought you this kit, first you'd probably be like, oh my gosh. That's awesome. Yeah, it would light tighten the relationship I think and just be so beautiful. So yeah, dads, if you're listening, get a teen period kit, ourperiodkit.com. Love it. Michelle, thank you so much for coming in.

Oh, thank you so much, guys. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fletchvorn and Hayley's memorable moments. Well, as we fill breaks for the last show of the week, we thought we'd take a look back, as most media organisations, websites do, the best of the year.

The best things of the year. The best blenders for under $100. And so today we're going to take a look at the most memorable TV shows of the year and go, in the last couple of songs, we've just been jotting down a huge list of everything we've loved. There's so much good TV. So much.

Like, real good. Like, they'll be on the list of greatest shows of all time. So if you're going away over summer, you maybe need a show. Maybe. Maybe this could give you an option. Well, yeah, but I mean, look at the weather. Let's be honest. It's going to be a crap summer.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey. Okay, who wants to go first? I'll go. Oh, hey. Oh, no, I don't want. I wouldn't dare. Let's go one.

Oh, okay. We'll go around in a circle. Yeah. Until we run out. Until we run out and then you have to drink. Yeah. Your coffee. Okay.

I'll start with. I've got a little bit of water left. The Great. It was season two this year of The Great. I love it with... I've got a little bit of water left. The Great. It was season two this year of The Great. I love it. What's that about? Well, you've got to explain what the show... You know this, about Catherine the Great.

But it was kind of like a funny one, right? Have you not seen this with Al Fanning? No. No. Is this all with Nicholas Holt? Nicholas Holt. Oh, I have been meaning to watch this because I've heard it's pretty funny. No, guys, it is so, so, so, so good.

Where do I find that? I think it's a Netflix. Neon. It's a neon. Okay. I've written that down. It's a neon. That's me.

Right there. I've written that down. Your next. Obviously, White Lotus Season 2, which has just finished. Yeah. Vaughn has one or two eps to go. Two eps to go, I think.

Two eps to go. Someone spoiled the ending for you anyway. We won't on air because I know some people are still. Yeah. Vaughn has one or two eps to go. Two eps to go, I think. Two eps to go. Someone spoiled the ending for you anyway. We won't on air because I know some people are still. Yeah. It's so great. It's just brilliant. Brilliantly performed. Mine is SAS Rogue Heroes.

Available on TVNZ Plus. Great. You can watch all six episodes of season one. And they did more. Like I finished all six and I was like, where are the rest? Gimme, gimme, gimme. I think it's one of the, you telling me it's one of the most expensive BBC shows? BBC's most expensive series ever made, yeah.

I guess because they had to shoot it in the desert. And they had to find all that World War II stuff. Yeah. And lease it and get it down to, because they shot it in Morocco. Yeah, it's based on the books about the SAS, about the beginnings of it. Right. In World War II. It's delicious. A lot of the stuff in that show actually happened

because I looked up afterwards. I was like, it was quite true to life. I'm going to say it's not going on my list, guys. You haven't hooked me. That's all right. Yeah, you're not like a World War II gal. I'm not really a war kind of gal. But what about all the lads in it?

Oh, it's writing down my list. It's got Alfie Allen. It's got the guy from Sex Ed. Yeah. And who else is in it? The guy from Skins. The Irish guy from Skins. Yeah, that's right.

Oh, yeah. Okay, I'll watch. He's awesome. So my next one's Severance. Oh, my God. Apple TV. One of the most unexpectedly beautiful television shows of the year, I think. Visually beautiful.

Yeah. What a great story. Yeah. So clever. Came from nowhere. Yeah, everyone was like, huh? Adam Scott. Directed by Ben Stiller.

Yeah. So good. And then that ending. The ending of the year, right? Would you say? I care. Christopher Walken. Oh, my God, the romance.

It's just brilliant. It's just, yeah, brilliant is the word. It's an incredible show. So that's on Apple, that one. I'm going to say Reacher, the new Jack Reacher TV show that was on Prime earlier this year. They got rid of Tom Cruise because, obviously. And this guy's like a seven-foot unit.

I think a bit of you, Hayley. Eat him up. And great action. Oh my God, what a show. My next one would be the, it was this year that the last season of Ozark came out in two bunches. In two bunches, one earlier in the year

and then one about June. It was the end of the fourth season. So I just chuck a little mention for Ozark in there because it was a beautiful series from start to end. Always beautifully shot and acted, and it's brilliant. Yeah. Got a big Jason Bateman crush. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, same. You would kiss him. I'd give him a little smooch. You'd kiss him. I'd give him a little peck. I'd go Hacks. Oh, yeah. I watched Hacks.

That's great. About a kind of, I guess, quote unquote, washed up older comedian and a young writer. I think it was on TVNZ. Plus. It was fiction, eh? Yeah. Yeah, because women can't be funny. No, yeah.

It's like a mythical world in which women have humour. Loosely based on... Who was he? Joan Rivers. Joan Rivers, yeah. Yes. Loosely kind of someone was he? Joan Rivers Joan Rivers, yeah Loosely kind of Yeah

Someone like that Okay This is gonna hurt Did you ever watch this? No I feel like it was on TV What was the premise of it again? It's based on a memoir slash a book

That was written by a doctor A young doctor Oh, in the NHS In the NHS It's got my dude in it He's the voice of Paddington Yeah, yeah, yeah What's his face?

Oh my god He's such a good actor, that guy NHS. It's got my dude in it. He's the voice of Paddington. Ben, what's his face? Oh, my God. It is. He's such a good actor, that guy. He rules. It's dark comedy and then it's some great drama as well. Ben, Ben, Ben. Yeah, that guy. Ben, what's his name?

Ben, what's his name? When? Say it again. When? Mine, I'm going to do a Star Wars double here for TV shows. Just let him do it. And or. Last week.

And or. And Kenobi last point. And or. And Kenobi. And forward slash or. Is that because you got to go to Star Wars land? I got to go to Star Wars land. Yeah, and meet your heroes. Disneyland. And that was for the, yeah,

Kenobi came out, the first episode of Kenobi, and then Andor was a little bit later in the season. He's on big Disney money. I'm a big Disney money. But Andor's on so many lists of the best TV shows of the year. It is really, Disney money. I'm a big Disney money. That handle's on so many lists of the best TV shows of the year. It is really, really good.

I watched the first episode. Yes. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll keep watching this and I just haven't. And then you didn't. I just tapped out.

Yes. Okay, my last one would be The Bear. Yes. The Bear, that was all, what was that on? About the kitchen.

The Chicago Diner. Yes. It was on Disney+. Disney+. It was so good. Yes. It was on Disney+. Disney+. It was so good. Yeah, that was amazing. Also, bonus, The Patient. Also on Disney+.

Steve Carell plays a psychologist locked up by a patient. I've heard that's good. It's really good. Okay. I was going to say about the beer, every time I go to a restaurant now, I watch the kitchen to see if it's as powder because it wasn't that. Okay. I was going to say about the beer, every time I go to a restaurant now, I like watch the kitchen to see if it's as chaotic as it was in that TV show. I've yet to find the one that was nearly as tense or as

chaotic. It was very chaotic. Yeah. I would, have you got any more? I'm done. I had more. Oh, Blackbird. Did you do Blackbird? That was great. Blackbird was amazing. Edgerton. About the criminal. Did you watch that Robert Malcolm in it? Yeah. And Ray Liotta's last TV show, because he died this year.

He did. I had Stranger Things for that season that came out. That was pretty good. Yellow Jackets, which came out earlier in the year that kind of, you forget that it came out this year.

And What We Do in the Shadows, which I realise is up to like its fourth season, but I was really late to the party on that one and I've binged all of the seasons and I think it's a bloody lovely TV show. Well, there we go. Our memorable TV shows of the year. It's like literally, what, 30 of them?

Yeah. Good luck watching all those. Clay, ZM's, Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. Right now, though, I've got a list of the destinations that New Zealanders are booking already for 2023, despite the fact that there's a recession coming. Got no money. And that we've, you know, we've been told to, you know, cut back.

Yeah. Now, out of interest, I just said before, give me a date anytime next year in Carbonyata, July 13. We love going away in the winter. So out of interest, I put in just July 13 and then a couple of weeks later, a return flight to Europe. Okay. So I've used Google Flights. I've just put in Europe. So I then a couple of weeks later, a return flight to Europe. Okay. So I've used Google Flights.

I've just put in Europe. So I've got the whole map of Europe. Return. At least, the cheapest I can see here, at least, would be Zurich, $2,800. So like three grand and you're not even. Stockholm, $3,000. Edinburgh, $2,800 return. So like three grand and you're not even... Stockholm, $3,000. Edinburgh, $3,300.

London, $2,800. These are economy flights for next year. Oh, I wouldn't. Well, you do business class, so it's actually relatable. So it's actually information we can use. It is a long... It's a long... Okay, I'll click business.

I'll see what it says. Yeah. Okay, what have we got? $10,000 to Malta, $10, a long one. Okay, I'll click business. I'll see what it says. Yeah. Okay, what have we got? $10,000 to Malta, $10,000 to Athens. Okay, okay. $9,800 to Berlin. I love Berlin. Oh, and only $8,100 to London.

Oh my God, a bargain. What a steal. What a steal. So, yeah, I mean, gone are the days of $1,000 return European fares. Oh, long gone. Remember those days? I looked at some flights, didn't I,

actually, on Friday to Thailand. $1,500 return, but you are only halfway. Yeah, that's halfway to Europe, but that's probably pretty good though.

Yeah, I didn't think it was too bad. what we're used to now. And when she said I couldn't book them. How often does, I'm not going to Thailand. How often does

your fiance get a drunk message from you proposing some kind of wild holiday or purchase? Bab, look, bab. Thailand, cheap, bab, let me, let me. Well, I guess the message is book early if you are going to go away next year. And the top destinations that Kiwis are booking next year, I don't think these are in any particular order.

Fiji, London, Brizzy, Sydney and Melbourne. Okay particular order. Fiji. Okay. London. Brizzy, Sydney and Melbourne. Okay. All making the list. Okay. What do you mean, oh? Hey, we've been able to go there all along. Pretty much.

Yeah, fair call. Rarotonga, next on the list. I'd go a Raro. I'd go a Moody Beach. You'd love a Moody Beach. Oh, he loves a raro. If you drink two coffees a day and you stopped drinking two coffees a day at around $5, is that how much coffee still is?

Yeah. $5. $5.50. You could save just under two grand. For the whole year? Till July. I was just going off your date. Till July. I was just going off your date. Till July.

So if you saved $10 a day between now and leaving for Europe, you'd be able to afford half of your flight. They don't let you just tick those. Oh, they do let you tick them up. You know, you can tick up holidays. Can you tick up holidays? Of course you can.

You can ask to pay holidays. You can tick up anything. Oh, no. Yeah, you can. Next on the list of holidays. You can tick up anything. Oh, no. Yeah, you can. Next on the list of top destinations that Kiwis are booking next year, Manila, the Goldie, Perth, and Singapore. Those are the top destinations from a travel agency. Through Singapore.

Yeah, Singapore. No, I think it's two. But yeah, whether or not they're booking a flight. And then you stay a night in Singapore, and then you're kind of in the middle of the world, aren't you? I've just never really felt like there was much to do in Singapore. Go to the markets, eat good food. I could blow a couple of days in Singapore, I reckon.

Yeah. Just going around scoffing at how expensive everything is. Yeah. One of my favourite things to do on holiday. Oh, my God, you're kidding me. Are you kidding me? God. Oh, my God, are you serious?

Look at the price on this. How are you that high? That's why you go to Thailand Oh my God, are you serious? I've got a price on this. How are you in that home? That's why you go to Thailand where it's cheap. Even then I like to scoff. Because if you're doing some haggling, you don't want them to know that you think it's a good deal. That I'm going to move it. You know they've got room to wiggle.

You know they've got some haggling. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. It's the best of Hayley's version. Oh! Songs sung with different lines. Well, there have been a lot of Hayley's versions over the year. There has been. It's been a bit quiet lately.

Yeah, I've lost my mojo a little bit. But it's back, baby, and boy, oh, boy, on Friday. Friday, we're getting a brand new Hayley's version of the year, the best of the year. I will tell you now, it's one for the books. It's one for the books. Now, I was, so I had to choose four of my favourite from the year. Yeah.

I was going to choose the song I wrote for Vaughan's 40th, but I'm actually just going to play that on his 41st as well. Yeah, just rehash that. Just recycling, yeah. I think this would be my favourite Hayley's version of the year. Well, thank you very much. It's not my favourite, but it's up there. This was, of course, in response to Ashley Bloomfield leaving his post

as the Minister of Health. Director. Director, Minister of the Health Foundation. No, because Minister is a government. He was the Ministry of Health. He was the Minister for Education was the Ministry of Health. He was the director of the Ministry of Health. He was the doctor. The Minister for Education and Arts and Cultural Sector. No.

He was an important guy when it came to COVID. He was there for us, wasn't he? He was, and we sucked the living life out of him. And so we had to leave. He's probably enjoyed his holidays and his time out of the limelight. I hope so. I hope so very much. But yes, I wrote him a song, of course.

Instead of Goodbye My Lover from James Blunt, it was Goodbye Our Brother. Alright, it's Hayley's version. Is it M? Do we disappoint you or let you down? You told us to stay at home

And we all went out to town And now you're leaving We stressed you out With all the unmasked protests And the rules we'd flout Please tell me This is an empty threat Because some of us are naughty

And haven't been boosted yet. This can't be the end, so we still need more of your cheeky smile and your coyote couture. You touched our hearts, you touched our souls, made us shove sticks in our nostrils, made us wear masks while we were indoors. We have been guided by you to wash our hands and have a plan to work from home if you can. We know you well, though we've lost our smell.

Ashley, we're lost without you. Goodbye, brother. Goodbye, friend. COVID's everywhere. Now you disappear on me. Goodbye, brother. Goodbye, friend.

You have been the one. But now your time is done. You're free. How's my James Blunt sound? It's really good. I'm trying to make eye contact because I don't want to make you laugh. You came from nowhere onto our screens And after not much time you were in my dreams

You were a public servant whose name we actually knew And now it's time that the public serves you You're so much more than the case numbers guy. We watched every day and you're the reason why. Your soft blonde hair and your kind blue eyes. Ashley, there's something about you. If I ever have to get bad news,

I hope it can be delivered by you. Your eyebrow flicks, your silly quips. Ashley, I'm in love with you. Goodbye, our brother brother Goodbye, our friend Have a holiday Hope your cinder pays Goodbye, our brother

Goodbye, our friend Thanks for saving our lives That was pretty nice of you. I'm trying not to cry. It's hard to get through. And I'll still follow you online in case you post something neat And I will follow you in real life If I see you on the street

It's a bit full on. Goodbye, old brother Goodbye, old friend Don't know who gets your job But I hate them cause they're not you. Goodbye, brother. Goodbye, friend. You are gone too soon.

Now you're free to Bloomfield. You're so hollow, Ashley. We're so hollow. We're so, we're so, we're so hollow, Ashley. We're so sorry, Ashley. We're so, we're so, we're so hollow, Ashley. We're so sorry, Ashley. We're so sorry. We're so, we're so, we're so sorry. Wow, she's a bit emotional, isn't she?

A bit full on. It's my fave of the year. It's so good. Yeah, it's a goodie, it's a goodie. Who's the director of health now? Thought so. No idea, I've got noie. It's a goodie. Who's the Director of Health now? Thought so. No idea. I've got no idea.

Who's the Director? Of Ministry. Of? Director Education Health. Director General? Yeah, yeah. Of Health? Dr Nicholas Jones.

Director of Public Health. No. Oh, look, I don't know. We don't know. There will be no other. Unless there's another pandemic and they're thrust into the spotlight. Another?

This one's overborne. Oh, is it? Yeah. Oh, I thought record numbers over the last couple of weeks would indicate that it was not over. No, no, this whole year, bro. It's been done.

Oh, they're done? It's not even worse than the flu, bro. It's just the flu, bro. Oh, what about the fact that it's killing three times as many people? Yeah, but they don't, because they don't release the flu stats every year. than the flu, bro. It's just the flu, bro. Oh, what about the fact that it's killing three times as many people? Yeah, but they don't release the flu stats every year. Release the flu stats. Well, they do easily release the flu stats, but they're not as terrifying as.

Dr. Diana Sarfati. I'm so sorry. A woman. How could you do that to a woman? I'm glad he let her down. How could you do that? How could you do that to a woman? Tomorrow on the show, for Hayley's version, the best of, we're going to take it.

It's my favourite. It's your favourite. This is yours for the year? This is my favourite. The Will Smith Hayley's version. Instead of Men in Black, it was Big Old Slap. All right, that's tomorrow on the show. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley.

Play ZM. More financial pain on the way. The reserve bank is rising. The short-cutting inflation has pushed the reserve. Cost of living. Cost of living. way. The reserve bank is rising. The short-term inflation has pushed the reserve. Cost of living. Cost of living crisis. And the recession is inevitable. The official Fletchbourne and Hayley Ice Cream Index.

Yes, hello. We've done it. Our search for the biggest ice creams in New Zealand has come to an end. It has. After weeks and weeks of asking. It has. and compiling. Yes, it has. From top to bottom.

From Northland all the way down to Southland. Sorry, Stewart Island. Northland. And the Chathams. Yeah, we forgot about the Chathams. We didn't do the Chathams. And we don't broadcast either, do we? Unless it's on the iHeartRadio app.

iHeartRadio. Could be. We've got an extensive list be. We've got an extensive list there. We've got I'm not going to count them all. Heaps. The official number. Are we talking dozens? Oh yeah, we're talking dozens.

And a rough estimate? I'd say probably in the 40s. Okay. That's how many we've identified around. We are going to put this up online. It's got a key as well. Two stars indicates locations of significant bougie-ness.

Okay. So, they're still a rolled ice cream spot, but they're slightly more bougie. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So,

there's a list there. If you need to Google them, you can Google. We've tested all of these. Google the name and the area, and it will be the first Google result. Yeah. So from the top, yep, as I said, Northland,

all the way down to the bottom, Southland. So wherever you're on the road or really Jones in for an ice cream, you can get that going. And they've all got the big scoops. They had to pass our rigorous testing. We didn't even get this map. quite a few bougie slip in there. Yeah, we've let a few bougies in. Nelson is predominantly bougie.

Yeah, it's a bougie ice cream spot. How do people get this map? Can they get this map yet? Pop it on the socials. It's on the socials. It's on the socials. There you go. Done.

Print it out. Our job here is done. You've got to print it out and stick it in your car. Soon. It's on the socials. It's on the socials. There you go. Done. Print it out. Our job here is done. You've got to print it out and stick it in your car. Yep. For those summer roadies. Laminate it so it's always close at hand. Yeah, use the work laminator. Do we still have the work laminator?

Yeah, we've got the work laminator. Oh, fantastic. We've got one. Karoen taught me how to use it so I can assist anybody with any laminating. Now I'll put that on my LinkedIn. What kind of laminating do you need to be doing? All manner of laminating. My favourite recipes I laminate,

so I can really get hands on with the batter still on my fingers. That's great. That's great. Good for you. Can I laminate my laptop? Because I used to use that when you're doing cooking recipes and it gets all flour and egg on it. It gets a bit gooey.

No, not your laptop. Your iPad, you might be able to get a protective sleeve on it, but you want to be able to take it out. I could glad wrap it like they do with the EFTPOS terminal. It's the same thing. It's the exact same thing. Nah, not your laptop. Your iPad, you might be able to get a protective sleeve on it, but you won't be able to take it out. I could glad wrap it like they do with the EFTPOS terminal. It's the same thing. It's the exact same thing. Laminators are an absolute rip-off.

It's just glad wrap. Just glad wrap what you need. All right, well, enjoy those ice creams, New Zealand. Cheap dates. You know know I mean Probably if people In the Tinder world Or the Bumble world

They go on dates all the time It just all adds up Oh yeah So you would be trying to find ways Until you knew Oh yeah I really like this person On how to just meet people Really cheaply

So a tweet Has gone viral Very viral actually, and it's just from a woman. She said, I just remembered the time I went on a first date to London Zoo and at the gate he asked me if I would mind paying for my own ticket, which I said I would,

at which point he pulled out a two-for-one voucher. So I paid for my ticket and he went in for free. That is so good. And I think the thing that makes that funny is he didn't offer to split the remaining ticket with her. No, that's how you do it. I've got a two for one, so should we go halves and one ticket? Yeah, exactly. We get it 50% off, basically.

But no, he just went in and she paid full price. I mean, it's genius, but it's also a huge red flag, right? It's really, really funny. That's the kind of partner that's going to be divvying up everything. Yeah, like we've spoken recently about the guy on the spreadsheet. Yes. Who was keeping tabs on any money he was spending. I think old London Zoo boy would do something quite similar.

But we want to know, when was your date a cheapskate? Not just, you know, they wanted to go somewhere cheap and split the bill, but like when they... Yeah. But I mean, I get it. Same. Like times are tough. Like, you know,

we're being told don't spend money. Save. This could be not to dob them in. It could be a hot tip. On how to date cheaply. How to date people and save money while you do it. But if you were open about it,

like, oh, I don't have much money till payday. I'd have a little hip flask of vodka and then just go and buy soda waters. Oh, bars love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or see you sober driving.

Can I have a soda water I'm sober driving? By the end of the night, I'm like, no, for me, yeah. Yeah. All right, well, we want to know

if you've been on a date with a cheapskate and you were just absolutely blown away by how cheap skate it was. I'm just seeing some of the messages. Well, give us a call. 0800 dials it in.

You can text as well. 9696. When was your date a real cheapskate? I mean, yeah, whichever way you look at it, it's either tips for cheap dating. Good or bad. Yeah. Awesome. Big red flags to avoid. We want to know from you immediately, when you went on a date with a cheapskate,

or maybe you are a cheapskate on dates, how do you do it? What are your little tips and tricks? A woman's tweet has gone viral. Yeah, she went to the zoo with someone, and he said, can you pay for your own ticket? She said, absolutely. Which is fine.

Yeah, of course. And then he brought out a two-for-one voucher, so he could go in for free. But he didn't split it with her. Didn't split it with her. I love that. He paid for nothing. That's clever, man.

And if you're going on two or three dates a week or a month, it's expensive. It all adds up. You've got to find more free things. Some messages in. First day he took me to kebab. What's wrong with kebab? I don't know. Nothing wrong with kebab took me to kebab. What's wrong with kebab? I don't know. That's just what this person says. Nothing wrong with kebab.

I love kebab, but not like took me four kebabs or took me two kebabs. Took me two kebabs. Took me two kebabs. How good when you're drunk is kebab on chips and rice? Yum. I had a kebab yesterday, actually. Did you? Yeah, but I've had no other kebab.

Do you say kebab? Yeah, I always say kebab. Kebab is the one that you get that's wrapped in tinfoil. Kebab is a mixture. Kebab is the one where you have that's wrapped in tinfoil. Kebab is a mixture. Kebab is the one where you have it on a skewer. That's how I always. There's literally no difference. It's the same word.

Kebab. Shish kebab. Because the shish kebab. The shish kebab is the one on the thing, but you just shortened it to kebab, whereas a kebab is the wrapped thing. Okay. Here's another one.

Lisa says, paid for our kebabs with his mum's F-Post card. Nothing wrong. I went on a first date to a kebab shop. I went to Abra Kebabra. Oh my God, I love those kebabs.

This was when I was 15 at the time. So a kebab was a good dinner. That could be a good sign. It could mean mum's cashed up. The family's got money. Yeah, mummy's credit card.

And then like, when you go to get your first house, mummy can pay for that too. That would be handy. Mummy buy me house. And then just live there for two years. Make sure there's no, like, underlying prenup or trust agreement with where you got that money. Then leave them and have half the house.

That would be lovely. What a great idea. Amanda, what happened? Who was the cheapskate date? It was my mum's friend. She was dating this guy who was fairly well off and she herself was not. And they would go out for coffee dates

and he was so stingy that he would buy one coffee and make them share it. Oh my God. Can I get a flat white and two cups, please? They wasn't even two cups. They would have to share from the same cup. Oh my goodness. That I get a flat white and two cups, please? They wasn't even two cups. They would have to share from the same cup. Oh, my. That's how bad it was.

This is how he's well off, though, is he's not spending money on people on coffee. Yes, Mark. This is why he's rich. That's why he's rich. And we're not. This is a problem. Oh, my God. That's not cool, though.

Like, come on, mate. That's next level. It's $5. Would they have a straw or would they take alternate sips? No, they would not cool, though. Like, come on, mate. That's next level. It's $5. Would they have a straw or would they take alternate sips? No, they would take alternate sips. Oh, it was sip for sip. Yeah.

Yeah, she used to say to my mum, I just want my own cup of coffee. Oh. She deserves more. She deserves better. She really does. Amanda, thank you for sharing. Julie, what was the cheapskate date? Oh, well, our first date was this guy that I met while I was working.

Yeah. And anyway, so we went on a date. And first of all, he didn't want to get dinner because it was too much. So I was like, fine, we can just get a drink. We got one $20 cocktail each. And at the end, the waiter came over and was like, oh, who's paying? And he ended up looking at me like, pay for all of it. I was like, no. Pay for all of it?

Separately. Yeah. I was like, no, we're paying separately. And then at the end of the day, we walked our separate ways. And he messaged me again. I just ghosted him hard. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, fair enough. Just a knowing look. What did his message just a knowing look what did his message say yeah what did his message say his message said basically did you want to go out again i'm like i didn't even reply no not when you wanted me to pay for everything yeah um julie thanks you called sophie um what was your cheapskate date um this is our like third date that i went on with him. And he's like, oh, did you want to come around and watch a movie? I was like, yeah, sounds good. Save a bit of money.

And then he's like, can you bring snacks? I was like, sweet. And I get there and we sit down. He's like, oh, can you hotspot my laptop? I don't want to use the Wi-Fi. What? You had to hotspot to watch a film? Yeah, at his house.

So I paid for the movie and the snacks. And we didn't even go out. Was he even hot? No, not that hot. Did you get a little kiss or anything? No, he got a see ya. How hot would it have to have been to get away with these shenanigans?

Pretty damn hot. I mean... Like an 8? 9? I'd let a 9 or a ten hotspot anything they wanted. Yeah, same. Yeah. And I'd buy all the snacks. I'd be like, it's a company phone. I'll just call them and get more data.

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Yeah, I mean, I would pretty much... It's fine. I just don't like hotspotting a whole movie. Yeah, no, you can't. You can't.

It's your data. That'll tear through your data. It'll tear through your data. It'll tear through your data. Rip through your through your data. It'll tear through your data. Sophie, it'll tear through your data. It was literally so laggy as well. It kept pausing. It was the most awkward time.

Why is he not on the Wi-Fi? I know. Because it's cheaper. Get on the Wi-Fi. Goodness, Sophie. Thank you for your call, Sophie. Yeah, thank you, Sophie. He tore through her data.

He tore through her data. He tore through her data. He ripped up her data. Alana says, he made me go harms on my birthday dinner. Oh, no. You pay for it if it's the birthday. Oh, yeah. On our first date, my now husband. So this works.

Lads, listen up. On my first date, my now husband made me buy my own $5 pizza from Pizza Hut. Okay. Bought himself dinner. This is from Kennedy. Bought himself dinner. Yeah. Not her.

Then the card declined when he got to the movie, so I had to pay for his movie ticket and mine after I paid for my own dinner. I mean, come on. Everyone has an app. You can check it in a second. Yeah. Always got to get mum and dad to put in 20 bucks.

Yeah. Aaron said he took me to a coffee chain because he had a gift card that he really wanted to spend. Well, those gift cards will burn a hole in your pocket. Yeah.

Yeah, they will. I'm all for a gift card on a day. I wouldn't be upset if someone used a gift card on a day. Or a voucher. A voucher, yeah. Or a first table entertainment book voucher. Oh yeah, first tables

are good, but does that signal quite Yeah. Not if they enjoy an early meal. I love an early meal. How good's dinner at five? Dinner at five is great. Right, well. Home and time for Shortland Street, you know. Thanks for your messages in. Play ZM's Fletch

Vaughan and Hayley. Christmas Fact of the day Today's fact of the day is the man that painted the original Santa for Coca-Cola advertisers. His first job for Coca-Cola was Santa. His last job was a nude Santa Playboy cover. Wowee.

So this man, very interesting, Hadden Sundblom painted the original Coca-Cola Santa. What year would that have been? 1931 was the first one he painted for Coca-Cola. He said he based it off the Night Before Christmas poem. Huh. And one of the lines was, well, you know how he talks about a bowl full of jelly and he laughs and his belly goes like a bowl full of jelly.

So he was like, oh, okay, I'll paint him a plumper man then. Because your traditional Saint Nick was always like a slender. Well, because they had to fit down the very skinny chimneys at the time. Yes, to the magic. But he was like, well, this is, I'm going to paint Santa as, you know, because who's seen Santa? I haven't seen Santa. I'm a parent.

I've got some sort of a contract with Santa. Yeah. But I don't, you know, I have never met the man. I heard him once. Did you? Yeah, and I was so scared. I closed my eyes. I put my head under the blanket.

Oh, and then. That's good though because if you. But the stocking was full. You wouldn't interrupt him. And then the stocking was full oh that's so cool never

I know if I was a kid these days I'd set up mum and dad's Arlo security system yeah sort of a trail cam

just watch twice to that you've got to you remember you're messing with you're not the first kid that's tried to catch Santa on film

he sees you when you're sleeping he knows when you're awake he knows if you so the minute you wake up right and he knows when you've got a trail cam, sir, but good for goodness sake.

Don't stalk Santa. Don't stalk Santa. Don't turn on the motion activator camera. Santa Claus is coming to town. Unless you're going to try to trap him and then he's not going to come to your house because then of course you'd be on the bad list. So he painted Santa in the 1930s

and because he couldn't go to the North Pole and meet Santa himself, he actually based the Santa that he painted off one of his very good friends. Okay. His friend's name was... I've got so much information. I've got like eight tabs open about this fact of the day

because I got so excited reading about it last night. His friend Lou Prentiss, a retired salesman, he said Lou just had this flushed cheek. Lou died of a heart attack not too long after. So that's probably why he was so flushed the whole time. Those flushes might have been blood clots. Really high blood pressure. Yeah, blood capillaries and perhaps even a drinking problem.

So he used his friend as a model for Santa because he couldn't get up to the North Pole. Santa was probably very busy that time of year. The first ever painting of Santa was called My Hat's Off. And it doesn't exist. Why, you might be asking. Because canvas got so expensive during the Great Depression that he literally white painted over

and painted a new one over the top. Wow. Yeah. He painted a new picture for Coca-Cola straight over the top because they paid for the canvases. And so once they took a photo of it, they were done with it? That was done, yeah. He could do it every winter with it.

They'd print it. Wow. Yeah. So as I said, the last thing he painted, his last commission for Coca-Cola was a Playboy cover in 1972. It won't get bigger. Oh, yes, it's just a slow load. But there's a female.

Oh! That's an incredible painting, eh? Yeah, he's incredible. He also painted, Fletch, you'll know this poster, he painted this really famous 1942 Army recruitment poster. Ready. Wow. Join the US Marines land, sea and air.

That was for World War II. Yeah, that's on your wall, Fletch. Yeah, it is. Is it? That was kind of like his style. Basically, if you think of the style of those books, your mum reads that she keeps beside her bed. Oh yeah.

Those sexy novellas. It's like pinup boys. Yes. Pinup was his style. Really incredible painting. He designed the Quaker Oats. Don't know if everybody's familiar with the Quaker Oats.

Okay. Yeah, sure. He made that brand a really popular oat in the 60s. Yeah. But yeah, he did that as well.

That's nice. There you go. So today's fact of the day, it's Christmas fact of the day. Christmas fact of the day, please. Thank you. The man who painted Santa for Coca-Cola advertisements based it off his friend because he liked his red cheeks, and then his friend died.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Ah. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley's Monday Maestros. Well, it's the last Monday Maestros for 2022. We get set a challenge on Friday,

something to learn or do over the weekend, and then Monday, here we are, we deliver it. We present. And today, we each had to come up with a Christmas cracker joke. And you, the listening public, you, the listener, will now vote by texting in 9696 for your favourite once you've heard the jokes. Once you've heard the joke. Yeah, which we have. Are we going to do it anonymously?

Yeah, I reckon we do it anonymously, right? Oh, okay. Yeah, what a good idea. And then we'll just give each joke a code name that they can text. I just thought I'd do this to help you guys out. Because I'm universally adored. So I just thought if I said this is my joke,

even if it wasn't a funny joke, which of course is very hard to believe because of course it's going to be funny. Right. But people might just blindly be like, yeah, they might be like, well, we love Vaughn, so we'll vote for him.

We love him so much. I feel like, I mean, I know I'm the freshest arrival here, but I feel like I've really developed quite a fan base. Oh, no, the shine's worn off you now. Are you sure? Oh, yeah, they hate you now

because you're a woman, so they've turned on you. Already? Already, yeah. Like six more months. You had a pretty good, you had a too good, too long in my opinion. Yeah. Now do I need to shut up and let the boys do their thing?

God. Yeah. Sorry. So joke ABC is what you'll be voting for today. A, B, or C. Or one, two, three. A, B, or C. Oh, my God.

Or a code name. Or they could just text in the joke about the. Oh, B, or C. Or one, two, three. A, B, or C. Oh, my God. Or a code name. Or they could just text in the joke about the... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or whatever. We'll be able to work it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll be able to work it out. Yeah.

Okay, all right. Should we go... Who's going to go first? Who's going to go first? Okay, I'll pull with you, Vaughn. I'll put it on to... Just pull it in front of there for some sound effects. I hope these are good crackers.

They look bougie. They look bougie. Yep. Three, two, one. Oh, good. Good for me. Good sound effect. Good sound effect. Oh, we've got toys.

Oh, it's a little game. It's a little gamey. And where's the jokes? No. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Here it is. Here it is. Okay, the game is like a Chinese checkers. I don't know if you can say that anymore. Can I not? Checkers.

We're just saying checkers. Yeah, we just said checkers. I prefer mine Chinese. I mean, it was probably made there. I'm sticking with the Chinese checkers. Okay, fine. Okay, the joke in this is, what does Mr. Claus have in common with Lizzo?

What does Mr. Santa Claus have in common? Mrs. Claus have in common with Lizzo? What does Santa Claus have in common? Mrs. Claus. Mrs. Claus. Because you call her, he's Santa Claus, she's Mrs. Claus. She's Mrs. Claus. What does Mrs. Claus have in common with Lizzo? They're both sleigh queens. I like that.

Contemporary. Modern. You are. It sounds like that's his joke, doesn't it? Well, we're doing it anonymously. Okay. So that's the Lizzo joke. That's the Lizzo cracker joke.

Lizzo joke. I'll go next. You pull this. We're pulling. Ready? Three, two, one. Oh, I lost. Oh, that sounded like a fat toy. That was a fat toy. Bag of, one. Oh, I lost. Oh, that sounded like a fat toy.

A bag of marbles. Oh. Four marbles. Trade you my checkers of Chinese descent. Do you ever fit the hat at Christmas with your big head? Oh, where's the hat? No, never. Oh, he never fits a hat.

Oh, I got a pink one. I'm wearing a pink shirt. Oh, I don't know about these hats. I don't know about these hats. A bit thin, aren't they? A bit rubbish. Yeah, they don't have the depth. Oh, it's too big a little bit. Knock, knock. Who's there? Santa. What did you bring me, Santa? Nothing.

Your mum's dead. This is a terrible job. Oh my god. Also, it's not even structured like the correct knock, knock. Who's there? Santa. Santa who? This is a terrible joke. Oh, my God. Also, it's not even structured like the correct. Knock, knock. Who's there? Santa. Santa who? It's a great joke.

It says, what did you bring me, Santa? That's not how a knock, knock joke even works. Sorry, read it again. Also, knock, knock. Read it again. Knock, knock. Who's there? Santa.

What did you bring me, Santa? Nothing. Your mum's dead. It makes no sense. Because Santa doesn't deliver that sort of news. And Santa doesn't knock on doors. I think you're picking apart. I think you're right.

Yeah. So that's the mum joke. Whatever Lizzo joke. So Lizzo joke, mum joke. Three, two, one. Oh, yeah. Good bang. Good bang. good bang.

Good bang from you. Okay. The actual joke in that cracker that we used is actually way better than that knock-knock one. Listen to this. This is an upvote. No, I don't want to read it now because it might confuse people. Oh, my God, what? A fortune teller fish.

Oh, I love those. I love those. I love those. I got the lamest gift, man. No, they're cool. Man. What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense? What did they say?

But wait, there's mer. Oh, that's good. That's good. But do you know what? I celebrate a secular Christmas and that's pushing Christianity down my throat. Do you see how he's ruined? He's not on board with anyone's jokes. I'll pray for you.

Please do. Okay, so. So wait. But wait, there's mer. Mer, yeah. That's good, isn't it? That's good. Okay, well, you need to vote now, and you decide, listening public.

You are the listener in charge here I wrote three Christmas jokes and I think Carmen picked the worst curling sides turns over what does that mean

the fortune telling fish it means I'm false wow wow wow haven't the tides turned haven't they turned I'm the golden girl not anymore not anymore alright well you can vote now 9696 Wow, wow, wow. Haven't the tides turned? Haven't they turned? I'm the golden girl. Not anymore. Not anymore.

All right, well, you can vote now. 9696 for your favourite cracker joke, and then we'll come back next and we'll crown the winner. So it's Lizzo. Mum. No, I don't even think knock-knock's even in the running. Lizzo. Oh, my God, this guy.

Mum or wise man. Lizzo, mum or wise man. Fletchvorn and Hayley's Monday Maestros. So we had the task of writing a Christmas cracker joke. I always love when, you know, Dad's had a couple too many drinks at Christmas dinner and his crown slipped down over his eyebrows. Yeah.

That's a classic. And Gran's passed out with a bottle of sherry on the lazy boy. Oh, yeah. Can I read the joke that was actually in that cracker that I said was good before? Who is Santa's favourite singer? Beyonce. That's one of the finer Christmas jokes.

That is good. My actual cracker joke was pretty funny too. It was... Mine was lame. I can't remember. How much did. My actual cracker joke was pretty funny too. It was... Mine was lame. I can't remember. How much did Santa pay for the sleigh? Yeah, nothing. Why can't you remember a simple one line

that you read just before? Nothing that's on the house. Why? I didn't want to muck it up. What was your one that was actually in the cracker? What are Santa's favourite sweets? Jolly babies. That's lame.

What? Like instead of jelly babies. Yeah, I know. It's disappointing, eh? So I'm glad that my joke that I constructed. Two cracker jokes that you've done that are disappointing. How dare you? I think if you look at the numbers.

Here are my other standard jokes. Here are my other cracker jokes that I wrote. What is the elves' favourite tense? Pre-tense. The present. Present. The present. Oh, my God. That's, all right. Ttense. The present. Present. The present. Oh, my God.

That's all right. Tense. Past tense. This is a thinking man's joke. It's too intellectual. It's too intellectual. It's a thinking man's joke. It's too intellectual for the Christmas dinner table.

So I wrote one for everybody. What does the snowman ride to work in the North Pole? The bus. It's by icicle. Why didn't you go with that one? That's way better. I know. Then you're dead mum joke.

So do we have to say, do we say who said what joke? Yeah, well, we can now because the voting's closed. Yeah. Who won, Carl Wayne? Let's go to Carl Wayne now, who's been tallying up the Texas. Well, I will interject here and say there's been a little cheating. What? What? How?

Just with a little quick Google search. That's crazy. How do you do that? The frankincense joke in my original. I came up with that. Amy Schumer! I came up with that.

Amy Schumer. I came up with that. Amy Schumer. James Corden. James Corden. James Corden. I was driving to work, singing, reading a Bible passage, and I read my favourite one, which is about the three wise men, and I thought, what is mer? And I was like, mer?

And so then I thought, wait, there's mer. Mer. Right. No, I reject that.? And so then I thought, wait, there's mer. Mer? Right. No, I reject that. Wow. So she has been disqualified. James Gordon is a cheater cheater. She has in fact been disqualified, which means that I... Yay!

I don't know. There is no... There is no more. I am a respected New Zealand comedian and I would never. She has. And unfortunately, that changes our results, because that was in the lead by a mile. Oh, shame.

She does never prosper. No. So today, winning by a mere three-ish votes, three-ish, roughly. There's a lot of text coming through, all right? The knock-knock joke has taken it out today. Are you kidding me? I wasn't even a joke. Yes.

This sucks. I mean, we've always known I was the funniest on the show. We've always said it. If you've just joined the show, this is today's winning joke. Take a look at yourself. Knock-knock. Who's there? Santa. What did you ring me, Santa?, this is today's winning joke. Take a look at yourself. Knock, knock. Who's there? Santa.

What did you ring me, Santa? Nothing. Your mum's dead. What a plot twist. You never saw that coming. I know the orphans loved it. Yeah, the orphans. What do you mean?

What do you mean we love it? We don't love when other children's parents die. Hey, Santa, we sung you here, and you've only got nothing but bad news. We don't want everyone to be an orphan. You did this, Carwen. We realise how precious it is to have a mother and aley. Clay. ZM. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley's Box of Lazy. So we're reaching to the Box of Lazy

for the last show of the year. And you've done all the work for us. The last week. Sorry, the last week of the year. Last week of shows.

Yeah. Well, we asked, this is from our Box of Lazy, what is the worst thing you've done this year? Yeah. We've promised anonymity. Yes.

Because it's confession hour. And there are some things. Let me start. Wow. Threw away my child's artwork while he was asleep. It wasn't great. And then I blamed his father for it. I know, because I always think that when you go into your friend's hand,

they've got, you know, kids, and they put up this thing on the fridge, and you're like, what even is that? This is a $1,000 fridge. I've got boxes. I've got boxes of my child's paintings and drawings and creations. What are you going to do with it? Well, I don't know. Just keep them forever.

Start the fire in winter. Keep them forever. Good, the chemicals in the paint start the fire in winter. If a child gives you a work of art, that's something they've poured their heart into. Yeah, but what about the 15th work of art? That heart has been poured into that artwork. Why don't you just pick the best five?

Put them in a box. No, because I've got shoe boxes. They're just full. Okay. Of art. Yeah. That sounds like a fire hazard. Anonymously, a girl I work with was pregnant

at the same time that I was. We would discuss baby names together and I told her a name I really wanted to use. Long story short, she ends up using the name for her child. And when I still used the same name, she got very petty, made a scene and told me that I had copied her. So to be petty myself, I gave out her email address and her phone number to pop-ups on websites and little stalls in the mall so that they end up emailing and calling her instead of me.

And no, she hates it because I've heard her complain about it. Wow. See, they came in anonymously, but very specific story. Yes. My flatmate has been paying more for rent than he's supposed to. I've never corrected him. It saves me money. No, people do that when they're in charge of the lease and they pay their room.

And then someone new moves in and they're like, oh, it's actually $10 more and they save, yeah. What's the worst thing you've done? $10 more, shoot for the stars, baby. $50. $50 more. Dumped someone on Valentine's Day. Worst thing they did this year.

I'll wait for the next day. Oh. I think if in this way, if you dump them on on Valentine's Day. Worst thing they did this year. I'm going to wait for the next day. Oh. Think of it this way. If you dump them on this Valentine's Day, even if nothing happens next Valentine's Day, it's still better than the last one. Yeah, true. Yeah, fair call.

We're getting juicy, guys. Best friend's fiance left her because she thought that we were having sex. Well, now we are. Dot, dot, dot. Best friend's. Okay, yes, okay, yes. But they weren't. But they are now.

But they are now. Oh my God, here's another one. Accidentally, worst thing you've done this year. Accidentally let my family think I was missing. They called the police, but really I was just

at a Tinder boy's house. Please anonymous, of course. My ex dumped me and a week later I started sleeping with his best friend. Do you think they're connected? The two people that are sleeping around?

Oh, the before, maybe, maybe. Oh, maybe, yeah, maybe. Two sides of the same coin or something. I broke our heat pump by sticking my finger in it because it was making a real loud rattling noise, and instead I broke the fan with a very loud bang. It was peak of winter, and Christ's church, I told my flatmates that it just blew up.

They then heated the house with oil heaters for weeks, but because the bills, because my bills were included, I don't really feel the cold. It wasn't my problem. Jeepers. Don't stick your finger in a heat pump. What's the worst thing you guys have done this year? Come on.

I, no, I can't say that. Well, no, you've got to say that. I don't know. I'm sure there's a range of terrible things, though. Oh, every time I come up to, like, an intersection, oh, like, sometimes I just drive on the pavement to get around it. Like, I just don't wait.

You are such an arrogant driver. I'm an arrogant prick. Like, if there's a long queue of people turning off, but you can stay in the right lane, I'll go right in that right lane right until,

I hate those people. And then there's a gap and I'll be like, suckers! And I won't let you in. I won't let someone like you in. Every time I drive and every time I have

the opportunity to. There's a roundabout in West Auckland. And if you're coming from Mitre 10, which I often am, and it's busy, everyone stays in the left lane

when they're turning left. You stay in the right lane and when you get to the roundabout you just go all the way around the roundabout and shoot out the same way and it saves you untold minutes every time.

Waiting is for suckers. You're the worst. And there's this other intersection on the way to my place and it's two straights but on the left one is the turning and people will be in there even though they're not turning and the light will be green for turning and I just go up on the way to my place, and it's two straights, but on the left one is the turning, and people will be in there

even though they're not turning, and the light will be green for turning, and I just go up on the grass and around them. Oh, my God, what an a-hole. They're the a-hole. They're the a-hole. They switched into that lane because they didn't want to be behind three cars in the other one, and I'm... How do you not get a ticket for all of this?

Because I am cute. Because he's a little cutie boy. A little cutie. Oh. Who did you tell me you were? Yeah, that was my tum-tums. That was my tum-tum-tums. Hey guys, I reckon that was the most fun I've ever had on a show.

Not for me. Vaughan? Nowhere even close. Nowhere even close. Nowhere even close. You haven't been here long, have you? No, I haven't. No.

Well, if you were listening and you had fun, why don't you give us a little review and a rating?