ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 19th July 2022

Episode Date: July 19, 2022

Fletch's Shock Diagnosis  Top 6: J-Lo  Silly Little Poll!  Bad News Brad!  Good Good Bad Good  Hayleys ArtVaughans Romantic Dinner  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. No, it's not the same as it was. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Fawn and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Download the My Maccas Avenue rewards on your coffee. And Hayley, you've got a sick cat at home. I do have a sick cat. He's got the cat flu.

He's got cat flu. So, this is what I don't understand though, because we went away obviously on holiday. Yeah. And we put him in the cattery, which he hates. But before you go to the cattery, you have to have had the shots and all that kind of stuff so that they don't make other cats sick. And every single time I pick up Rolly from the cattery, he's got a cold.

He's sick, right. Yeah, because he comes in, and you don't know it, and he's all cuddly because he missed you. Yeah. And then he starts going... It's because he's an anti-vaxxer. He's famously quite anly because he missed you. And then he starts going... It's because he's an anti-vaxxer. He's famously quite an anti-vaxxer. He might have, while you were in the waiting room with the vets, he might have just said, don't worry, I don't believe in this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, get that shit out of me. No, he's got the sneezes. And it's so funny because when the cat sneezes, they don't know what's happening. So they just go like... And then he just looks around like, what the... Who made that noise? What the fuck was that?

Yeah, so he's sick. So I've been lighting the fire for him. around like, what the? Who made that noise? What the fuck was that? Yeah. So he's sick. So I've been lighting the fire for him. Because usually, because we're burning through wood. Yeah. Very not friendly for the environment. No, no, not at all. Our house is cold until we put some heating in. Yeah.

So the fire's all we got. So at the moment, I'm getting home at about 11 o'clock in the morning. And I just light the fire until about 9 p.m. at night. Just for the cat? I'm burning like a forest a day do you even need the fire no no but he's cold oh my god because i can feel him i pick him up to give him a little cuddle and he's all cold can you get little cat cold and flu control kind of tablets like night and day meow sip meow sip or some yeah a lozenge can cat lozenges yeah. A lozenge can. Cat lozenges. Like a meat lozenge. A meat and honey and paracetamol lozenge.

A salmon and lamb tender lozenge. Yeah, maybe. He needs them. He is and he's all like. It's cute. Yeah, right. He sneezed on me, so I don't know if I'm going to get it. Have you ever taken the cat to the vet and they've taken its temperature?

Up the bum bum? Up the anus. I know. And they're like, wow. Same with the dog. My cat didn't even flinch. Oh, really? He was like, yeah.

Harder. I mean, they lube it up. Got a bigger one? Thicker one. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Bit of a psychopathic moment from you there, Fletch. Take these off! We do keep turning up.

Who was in the studio before us, by the way? I came in here this morning and it was a stye. Like a messy pigsty. It was crappy. I don't know. There's socks on the mics. There's chocolate on the table. It was a stain. You're the table. What is this stain?

You're a mess. What is this stain? You're a clean freak. Who was in here? Somebody's getting a strongly worded email. I think Bree and Punch are away. Well, I was about to text Bree and give her a piece of my mind. That's why I checked with you that they're actually away after covering us so gracefully.

They are away, yes. I'm not having it. I'm not having it. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. There is a strongly worded email. I just need to know who to send it to. Yeah. Coming up on the show,

Vaughan, the top six. There was a celebrity marriage yesterday. Yes. Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. Second time round. Yes. And Jennifer Lopez's fourth, third, fifth. You've got Mark Anthony.

You got, um... Was she married to Casper? Was she married to a businessman? Oh, no. Who was a football guy? Four. Fourth. Who's she been married to? Ben Affleck. 2022. The most recent. Mark Anthony. 2004 to 2014.

Chris Judd. From 2001. As in of the Judds. Ashley Judd from 2001. Chris Judd? As in of the Judds. Ashley Judd, of the Judd family. I don't know. I remember that name, though. No, he's an Aussie.

And then 97 to 98, she married a guy called O'Jarnie Noah. Okay. Who I don't know who that is. An absolute nobody. He was an actor and producer. Oh, okay. Someone. Yeah. Okay. But you're not that well known. I forgot about Chris Judd.

I can't even think who Chris Judd is. He's an actor known for his brief marriage to Jennifer Lopez. Okay, so. Yeah. Gotcha. So the top six. I remember. Yeah. I remember the top six Um I remember

Yeah I remember the face now Don't Yeah I'm airing him She's Jennifer Lopez Jennifer Lopez Yeah

He was certainly batting Way out of his league Sometimes you just gotta settle though You know Sometimes you just gotta Yeah That's true You don't wanna be

A hot person Yeah a hot person Your Your um Headphone cord's still through that. I know, I wasn't sure quite how to navigate that. I just took off her sweatshirt while wearing her headphones. Hang on. You've got a whole cord issue.

I'm unplugging. I've gone silent. Unplugged. I don't know what happened. There you go. All right, so the top six is the top six new nicknames for J-Lo because she's Jennifer Affleck now. Yeah.

Are you going to have JF-F on the list? Huh? J-A-F? J-A-F? Oh, yeah, that was one of the two possible ones. It's my favourite thing to do. Don't ruin Vaughn's list. Just to chuck out all the suggestions and ruin it.

Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch Vaughn and Hayley, you're watching Stranger Things, which is why this song is back in the charts I know I was a little bit behind

because everyone was all over it and I really enjoyed it up until season 4 and then I watched episode 1 and I was like I think I'm out but then I came back

and oh my god I'm hooked it is so good it's scary very scary it's scary and it's amazing I'm into it

yesterday guys I've been diagnosed with something. Oh, my God, I'm so scared. I went to the physio therapy. You go to the physio more than anyone I know. As long as I feel like you're lonely. I don't really. Are you lonely?

Are you one of those old people that has something wrong with you just so you can go to the doctor's because you're lonely? I just want someone to touch me. You just want to be alone and human touch. So I love to pay for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With a half ACC payment, of course. I think there's a whole service for that.

Rather than wasting a physio's time. ACC doesn't pay half. Oh, damn it. Do you have a favourite physio at your physiotherapist? No, I just go to the same physio. I don't go to the physio all the time. What was your accident? You go more than anyone I know.

Oh, really? How many times have I been? Hardly any. All the time. Heaps. Well, I went for my back a lot. Yeah. But I haven't been for like...

If I get sore, I'm like, that'll sort itself out hopefully. But you're like, well, I better go to the physio. Yeah, right. You go to the physio. Then I get fixed and you're still whinging six months later. You're sore. You're like an old car. You're like an old Series 3 BMW from the 80s.

You might be fixed now, but the next problems are just around the corner. If I had a car too, I'd take it in all the time. I'd regular service it. You're a Volkswagen Golf. I'm expensive to fix. So what's wrong with you now? No, I've got, it's not, it's the opposite of tennis elbow. It's golfer's elbow.

I didn't know you golfed. I've never, I think we went to the driving range a couple of times. Yeah, I think that's the last time I went golf driving was with you like six years ago. You've injured yourself. Dude, that was 10 years ago. Was it? Because it was the day before Indy was born. Oh, my God.

So 10 years ago, going golfing with Vaughn has led to this injury. Life really speeds up, doesn't it? It goes so fast. Yeah. No, so it's the tendons that go around the side of your arm. So when is this being sore? I was doing like pull-downs and stuff at the gym and it just started hurting. You keep hurting yourself at the gym.

Have you got crap technique? You need to get yourself a personal trainer. That's someone you can pay to touch you. Do they touch you? Yeah, they do. I always think I'm giving them a stretch afterwards. I'm like, I'm going to go for a bit of that. Oh, that's too close for me.

I don't want someone to run. But I can't. I need someone to push it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. Deepen the stretch. Yeah, get me deep in the stretch. Right.

So, Yad and I just sort of just tell you about my new diagnoses. What do you do from here? You do exercises. Are you going to get an accessible parking tag for your scooter now that you've got it? Well, yeah, this is the thing. If I had a car, maybe I could apply. Yeah. But then people would look at me funny when I parked in there.

You'd be like, I've got golfer's elbow. I've got, hello. Hello, can you not see? I can't drive the car that far away. I've got to park really close. It hurts. It hurts to turn. Is this a real injury? Yes, it's a real injury. I've got to park really close. It hurts. It hurts to turn. Is this a real injury?

Yes, it's a real injury. But I've heard of tennis elbow. So it's the other side. So tennis elbow is the outer of the elbow. Yeah. And golfer's elbow is the inner. What is it? The armpit of the elbow. Yeah, the arm. Well, yeah. The forearm pit. Like, what is?

It's the tendons. I think it's made up. I think it's bullshit. Someone just wants to be touched. Google it. It's a thing, okay? It doesn't tendons. I think it's made up. I don't think it's bullshit. Sounds like someone just wants to be touched. Google it. It's a thing, okay? It doesn't sound like a thing at all. Golfer's elbow. Even if you don't have a pain.

So a condition that causes pain. They're coming off? What are these tendons doing? I don't know. I don't know. I'm not a physio therapist. There's no name for this. Where the tendons of your forearm muscles,

it's pain where the tendons of your forearm muscles attach to the bony bump on the inside of your elbow. Yeah. Is there not a better name for bony bump? So what is it? Are they going to fall off? No, you just got to do stretches. Is it like an Achilles tendon?

Hopefully it gets better. Oh my God, it might spread. The pain might spread. No. Yeah, someone said- The pain might spread into your forearm and wrist. Someone said they used to have a different name for this at boarding school. Oh yeah.

It's my left hand, so incorrect. Yeah, but that makes it more seem like it's someone else. That's why you're right. That's the trick. What have you been doing this whole time? And that's why your right doesn't need the additional stretching. Yeah. It's absolutely limber.

He has been in hotel rooms for two weeks. We all know what that means. Yes. It's rude not to. Switching it up. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Okay, so according to a recent study in the United States that looked at fitness, the fitness of Americans,

it turns out half of Americans can't touch their toes. I can't. I can't laugh at that because I can't. Didn't you a while ago, didn't you have the goal to touch your toes? And you did? No. I did, but I didn't. I did have the goal.

This is another reason why you never set goals because you always fail. Can I see you try to touch your toes? I'd probably be the same as you. Come here so I can see your toes. Halfway down the shin. Oh, That's... Halfway down the shin. Oh, my God. Halfway down the shin. Yeah, no, my back's not...

And I'm too tight here. And, yeah, no, it's nice. I've got tennis elbow. Hang on. Golfer's elbow. I can't because I've got golfer's elbow. I can go under my feet. Oh, my God, you can.

Yeah, my Nana could, too. She loved running under my face. I'm not flexible. I'm very tight. That's probably your dance... Is it your dancing training? I'm not a dancer. I very tight That's probably your dancing training I'm not a dancer, I'm a marching girl How dare you

It's a totally different thing I would have taken dancing as a compliment You're a dancing girl, you've got the body of a ballerina Thank you Do you know who would be a great contestant on Dancing with the Stars? Hayley Sproul I keep saying it, I've said it many many times It's the only reality show I'd do

I'm just pitching that I've said it many, many times. Really? It's the only reality show I'd do. Right, okay. I'm just pitching that. Just right, okay. So, okay, well, I thought this was sort of silly. Can you touch your toes, Anna? Jared, can you touch your toes? No? Calvin?

No. Nobody can. What's wrong with you? It would only be a minority of people that could touch your toes. No, but like a little. I've never been able to. Even as a kid, I couldn't. Like a little kid. Yeah. Yeah. A little strain from Anna. No, but like a little. I've never been able to. Even as a kid, I couldn't. Like a little kid.

Yeah. A little strain from Anna. Oh, no, don't. What if you hurt? What if you hurt? Your back or your knees? She's absolutely hurt herself. It's that whole area.

It's that midsection from the knee up to like the mid-back. That'll really go on that. Do you need a physio therapist? I might. You might, okay. Because you know one. I know one, yeah. Yeah, but.

Oh, okay. So, Carwen's suggesting we should put this to a silly little poll. Maybe that, okay. Because you know one. I know one, yeah. Yeah, but... Oh, okay, so Carwen's suggesting we should put this to a silly little poll. Maybe that should be our silly little poll tomorrow. Can you touch your toes? What did America vote? 50% of them can't. Over half of them, actually. I think it'd be more that can't. Really? And most of those would be lying. It just

seems so... I can do it when I put my leg up. If you put your leg up, eh? Yeah, why is that easier? Because you're cheating. It's kind of changing what's stretching. I put my leg up. If you put your leg up, eh? Yeah. Why is that easier? Because you're cheating. It's kind of changing what's stretching. I guess because you're going out to the side as opposed to like straight down. And you're putting a lot of stretch on the leg if you put it up on the table. Oh God, that's so bent, Fletch.

This is not good. No, that's the thing. I mean, they looked at lots of... By the way, you can't call them that in 2022. What? Cancelled. Bent. Okay, that's not something... That's not, you can't call him that in 2022. What? Cancelled. Bent. That's not a word we use anymore.

You're cancelled. You can't come in here saying the B word. I am, dear you. You're going to snippet that out, you can't put it into a little clip, me saying, Fletch, you're so bent. That's so bent. Cancelled. Guys, it's been a great career in the media so far,

but I graciously bow out. You've had a great run. And we'll be deleting my Twitter. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley from the self-driving ZM think tank. This is the top six. Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are married. Again.

Cute. No, they haven't been married before they were engaged they were engaged they weren't married was she ever married to A-Rod the baseball player

no right but they were engaged they were engaged as well so this is her fourth marriage and however many engagements

18th engagement yeah look you gotta test the waters you know yeah and she said yeah she's Jennifer Affleck now. Which, I mean, if you're going to take someone's last name

if you're a movie star entertainer... It's good when it's somebody else's. It's good when it's someone else's well-known name also, right? Yeah, and Jennifer Affleck sounds nice, but it's not really like a pop star name. You know what I mean? Like Jennifer Affleck as an actress, you're like, mm-hmm.

Serious. Ben Affleck's middle name is Geezer. Geezer. Geezer. Daddy Geezer. G-E-Z-A. Geezer.

Geezer. I wonder if that's said differently. Not Geezer. Geezer. Yeah. Geezer. What's the origins

of that name? I actually, I don't know. I've never even thought of, I always just assumed Ben Affleck was Irish-American because of the Boston thing. Yeah. But he totally, interesting.

Where is Gazza? Oh, it's got like an accent on it. Gazza. What's its origin? Affleck Bolt. It's a Hungarian name that translates to little prince. It's most commonly used as a surname, so I wonder if it was like a family surname.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay, so he's part Hungarian. There's some Hungarian in there. You know what I mean? It's a bit hot. So I've got the top six new names for J-Lo, because if she's not Jennifer Lopez,

she can't be J-Lo. Number six, Jaffle, like a Jaffle pie. Oh, yeah, that's good. You know, the sealed toasted sandwich, effectively. Are we going to have to change all the songs in the database in front of me? Should I start doing that? Yeah, I think so. Jennifer Affleck?

Ja Rule and Jaffle. Yeah, Ja Rule, Jaffle. That's a hell of a combo. Yeah. Number five on the list are the top six new names for J-Lo. This is a little bit of a change. Ben Affleck should have actually taken Lopez because then it could have been J-Lo and B-Lo.

Oh, I like that. Yeah, J-Lo and B-Lo. And they could do a three-part with C-Lo. Yes. Or C-Lo Green. Yeah. Cancelled. Oh, really?

Oh, yeah, years ago. That's double cancelled for Hayley this morning. You've cancelled yourself and you've endorsed someone else who was cancelled. Oh, no. Cancelled, yeah. You've got to be very careful. I'm in trouble. Number four on the list of the top six new names for J-Lo are the new Matt Damon.

Oh, okay. Has anybody thought about Matt Damon in this situation? Are him and his best buddy Ben Affleck still going to be able to hang out as much? What's Matt Damon doing lately? Humanitarian work? Matt Damon News. He's been very quiet, hasn't he? Matt Damon News.

He did all the Bourne movies and then just kind of... Is he not doing any more Bourne movies? I like those. Although that new... Have you seen the trailer, the new... Grey Man. We've got the same birthday, me and Matt Damon. Oh, that's nice.

It's the new Ryan Gosling movie. Yeah, Ryan Gosling and Chris Evans. Apparently it's terrible. Is it? The Greyman. Is this the one that's on Netflix? Yeah, it's going to be. The most expensive movie that's ever been made on Netflix?

Apparently it is the worst film ever. Oh, no. And everyone was like, what a waste of money. I wonder if Chris Evans was so upset the other day and sad looking. Explains that, doesn't it? Of course it does. This is my Matt Damon news from Googling Matt Damon and then clicking news. Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are doing a movie about Nike's pursuit of Michael Jordan for the iconic shoe deal.

That's cool. And Matt Damon, South Park forces Matt Damon to drink his own pee as punishment for crypto ads. So Matt Damon's back on South Park because, you know, the team America. Yeah, Matt Damon. Yeah. Matt Damon. I wonder.

And Matt Damon was on holiday in Italy when Ben got married, so he might not have attended. Matt Damon's got a hot wife though, eh? Yes. That was a bit much. Is that cancelled? Luciana Barroso. Yeah.

South American? She's hot. Colombian? Venezuelan? Argentinian. Yeah, right. Argentinian. Oh my God. And she'd know how to do the asado cross.

You get a whole lamb on there. Cook it all day. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. So he's alright. Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six. That's right. This isn't Matt Damon's hour.

This is J-Lo's hour. The top six names for J-Lo. Jaffa. Yeah. Because there's like the yummy chocolate. And take it away from the Aucklanders, you know. Yeah. Give it to Jennifer Affleck.

Number two on the list of the top six names for J-Lo. Gigli. Because that's the movie they met doing. Remember? Yeah. That movie? Yeah, yeah. for J-Lo. Gigli, because that's the movie they met doing. Remember? Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah. You could just call her Gigli. And number one on the list of the top six names

for J-Lo, Benny from the Block. Okay. And a number one. Yeah. Benny from the Block. Brilliant. That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley.

Play ZM. YouTube lovers rejoice. I'm a YouTube lover. I watch a lot of YouTube. When you don't have the mental capacity to like invest in a show or a film, I always just go to YouTube and just like watch some cooking vids. Well, I just found out that you can watch Gold Rush on YouTube. The gold show that I love.

Oh my God, That's so awesome. What's that show that you were talking about yesterday? Big Logs. Big Timber. Big Timber. It's like when I was looking for something to watch last on a Netflix. Like the third popular in New Zealand right now. It's like after all of these years

Vaughn might actually know what people like. It's like when you're like oh that nerd shit. I'm what? Like Star Wars, the biggest money-making franchise of all time. Oh, yeah, no one's into that nerd shit. I've never seen it win an Academy Award. It's won multiple Academy Awards. For like light and sound?

Oh, yeah, light and sound. Yeah, but not the big ones. Oh, not the big ones. Okay, actors. I don't know, storylines and acting. I'm going to be sure to tell the Lighting and Sound Guild that you think nothing of them. Please do.

Hayley Sproul, actress, now performing in the dark with no microphone. That's fair. Well, YouTube, they've got a new feature that I think Netflix has a few other streaming things has it, which is picture in picture.

So you can go on the app, watch something, and then flick up. And then you can text, write notes, just multitask and do other things while the YouTube video is still there. Who's watching Netflix or anything on their phone? No, I've been on Netflix. You might be on the plane starting a show and you can flick up and just write a reply while it's in picture. It's so handy. Why are you writing a reply on the phone? You've got to put your phone on airplane mode. This is before we take off, obviously. Oh my God, you don't do it, do you?

I do do it. I do do it. You're that guy who messages until it cuts out. Well, now you can do it. But it's only for premium members, which we found out this morning. For God knows what reason, Fletch, you're a premium member. I'm a premium member too.

Yeah, I hate ads. Are you? Yeah, totally. My kids watch so much YouTube, it drove me nuts, the ads they'd get, because they'd only get five ads over and over and over. Oh, my God. Yes. It's always that.

Get an ad blocker. They're free. Nah, that's sketchy. I didn't even know you could blocker. They're free. Nah, they're sketchy. I didn't even know you could do it. They get your deets, they get your IP. Yeah, no. Next thing you know, they know all the porn you've watched. I haven't watched.

What? Ad blockers 100% report what sites they're blocking ads for. Even an incognito month? Ma'am, ma'am, I will please allude you to the fact that they now have everything you've ever visited. The Chinese government know exactly what you're doing. And when they take over the world, they're going to put you in the public square

and we're all going to come down and throw tomatoes at you, chanting shame as your porn history scrolls above you. You'll be in the re-education camp. Oh, my God. No, you've got to get an ad blocker. I haven't watched an ad in years. And they work the same. Absolutely.

It's just a Chrome extension. Right, okay. But don't you have to pay for the good ones? No, that one's free. No, they just clog up your computer? Ad blocker. I don't trust it. And then some websites are like,

I won't work because I see you using an ad blocker. Then you can disable for some. I had an ad blocker and then I had that and I was just like, I can't be bothered dealing with it. No, you just disable it for some. But YouTube, I don't watch ads. Right. Okay. But I do want advertising companies to keep advertising because obviously it supports

both of my careers. Radio and TV. I love ads. So you hate the people paying for your productions to be made, the lighting and the sound. You're on your own, Sproul. I'm having a rough morning. I hope you can film a bloody good influencer video by yourself with a ring light because that's the only support you're going to be getting.

Thank you. Do you, dear listener, Instagram follower, prefer working from home or the office this is the first time it has been an exact 50-50 split yes I only just saw that silly little poll bang on 50-50 I didn't like it when we were doing

some from home stuff I don't like it but I guess it's hard for us because our job is to chat to each other. Yeah. Yeah, so when you're doing it on Zoom, it's not the same. It's not quite the same. But then, yeah, I mean, I guess with my friends,

it would be 50-50 as well. Some love working from home. Some hate it. They want to be in the office. It kind of gives them that separation between job and home. I'd be too distracted. Yeah, and turning your home, your

safe space, your happy space into a workplace. You'd need a specific workspace. Yeah, which is good if you've got that space but if you don't. Which I would say the majority of people don't. It would be the dining table. If you're flatting it's a shared space, isn't it? Oh yeah.

Also, I saw a story yesterday this woman went on TikTok and said. Also, I saw a story yesterday. This woman went on TikTok and said that her, I've got a photo here, it says, not at desk, action applied. Her work was monitoring her camera at home. And so when she wasn't working, they were like. Well, don't like that. They flagged it. What did she do for a job?

Just an office job, just admin. Oh. But she'd been adminning somewhere else? Is that necessary? Wouldn't you just look at the fact that they weren't getting the work done?

Exactly. If they weren't getting the work done, totally. Yeah. Yeah, there's some businesses that have really shown themselves to be big dicks about it, eh?

Yeah, for sure. Big dicks. Rebecca, some feedback. Rebecca says, I like both, but I prefer the office as I get to have nice coffee and don't get distracted by housework.

Rebecca needs to buy herself some better coffee for the house. Yeah, Rebecca needs to splash out. Yeah, just get yourself a, I've got a caramel, what's this one? Macona caramel, which is my favourite. It depends on what she considers nice. I can't believe that this guy drinks so much coffee. He doesn't have a coffee machine or even like a plunger. I don't need all that fancy stuff.

I'm a man of the people. But caramel. Come on, Jan. It's embarrassing for you. It's delicious. It was on special the other day at Countdown. So I bought like 10 of them. You and no one else. You're off to Papamoa with Gareth for a week away, eh?

You better take my little Maconager. I love my caramel. Hannah said, I absolutely love the extra hour of sleep and not having to travel to the office, but I really miss the camaraderie of working with everyone in my team at the office and there are less distractions at the office. I prefer she'd get on the road and listen to us on the radio in her car. Well, she's got an hour there of travel, so that's half an hour there, half an hour back.

Good stuff. That's, yeah. Good for the show, isn't it? Unless she's listening at home. Maybe she turns it at home on iHeartRadio. Is she listening on the iHeartRadio app? Because you can. It's easy.

Anywhere. It's easy. If you've got a little device there, a little smart home device. Oh, how fantastic. You just ask that to play ZM on the iHeartRadio app. Boom, boom, bam. Thank you, Matt. Yeah, take us anywhere and catch up on the podcast.

Go watch breakfast television. You can't. But do watch television. Well, not breakfast TV. You're too busy. Sorry, Matt McFarlane. They'll be stealing your eyes, stealing your attention. We're the old chum.

We're trusty. Yeah. Yeah. We're hands free. Patsy Sproul listens from Italy. On the iHeartRadio app. Every evening. It's on the iHeartRadio app.

She's listening on her phone. She must have a hell of an ear. Yeah. The app works far away too. It's amazing. The reception. That's how the reception works. Yep.

Shelly says, I get so much more done at home in half the time. Really? So there's that aspect, isn't there? Jordan says, I end up having too many naps when I work from home. Too many naps? Yeah, naps. How many naps is too many naps? That's code, isn't it?

If you're tired, you have a nap. That's not too many naps. Yeah. Get out there and nap. The body wants. Naomi says, both. Sometimes it's nice to have a reason to put a bra on. No, I don't bother. No matter where I am. No. No Naomi says, both. Sometimes it's nice to have a reason to put a bra on. No, I don't bother.

No matter where I am. No. No. God, no. To rest them on the desk. Yeah. That's no work. Tori says, I'm a teacher.

I would not be keen to have 20 to 30 children in my house. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair enough. That's fair enough. But the teachers who taught over Zoom, oh my gosh. Oh, they all. Bravo. Champions.

They all deserve medals. Kiwi Bank New Zealanders of the Year. Yeah, I would have demanded the children all make me a medal in arts and crafts when we got back to school. And a crown. Yeah.

If someone's going to give you bad news, it might as well be this fella. He's got a smile that'll brighten up a room before he rips you down and tells you how screwed you are economically. Good morning. Bad news, Brad. Good morning. Bad news, Brad. Good morning, team.

What an intro. Brad Olsen, you are a principal economist. Oh. Always see you. Putting the pal back in principal economist. Now, I don't think that I'm putting the good news back in that people's morning. No. It's just past seven in the morning.

I long for the day, Brad Olson, we can have you on and introduce you as good news, Brad. I long for those days. Me too. First question, when the hell are those days coming? Because yesterday we received some bad news. Inflation is at a high after what, how many years? 32 years, my entire life. And look, longer than I've been on this earth as well.

So this is sort of a pretty odd period for us. I mean, the challenging thing is that yesterday we knew that a lot of prices were going to go up. We knew that fuel and food and building costs and rents were all higher. What gets us is that when Stats NZ looks at all of the products that they measure, 66% of all of those products went up in price in the last quarter. That's the largest number that have gone up in price since at least 2018. So, man, everything

is getting more expensive. People know it, but the fact that it's at a 32-year high is quite incredible. Right, because my favourite bottle of Prosecco would normally be $14. It's now $17.99. Oh. That's, oh my God, I'm $14. It's now $17.99. Oh. Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry. That's an all-time high. I'm so sorry. Is there anybody out there, Brad, that's taking the piss? Like, I understand that there are places that, you know, the supply and demand thing, but is there anything in good supply that hasn't seen a drastic increase in production costs that are just like, we'll just put up our prices because everybody else is? You'll just jump on.

And then that causes more inflation, right? I mean, I think there's probably a few of those at the margins, only because at the moment, right, you're correct. Every business out there is going, man, I'm being hammered by cost pressures. But for the first time in probably over a decade, I can actually pass some of those cost pressures on because everyone's sort of a little bit all right with cost pressures because they hear about supply chain disruptions.

They hear about high fuel prices. They hear about all these different changes across the global economy. So I think there are probably a few out there ripping people off, but realistically, a lot of businesses are just facing really high costs. I mean, you look at the cost of a container to move goods across the world. Good news is it's only costing five times more than it did pre-pandemic. That's down from seven times. That's the good news, isn't it? That's because it's down from five times more than it did pre-pandemic. That's down from seven times. That's the good news, isn't it?

That's because it's down from seven times. But look, I mean, that's pretty bad still, right? You're not very good at good news, bad news, Brad. Why is it costing five times as much? Well, because things are still so disrupted. So, I mean, partly you've got fuel costs and similar because

they've gone up. But a lot of the time you don't have the ships in the right place. You don't have the ships in the right place. You don't have the containers in the right place. COVID and war, isn't it? COVID and war. Basically. But also the fact that realistically we're trying to do quite a lot at the moment with not a lot. I mean, you look at the moment with just how many places out there have big signs on their doors saying,

please, I desperately like some more staff. Oh, so many. You've got, you know got materials issues. Everyone's heard about jib and everything else. So it comes at a time when New Zealand as an economy is trying to do a lot of stuff, but we haven't got any people and we haven't got any additional materials to do it. And that's what creates inflation. I'm just going to take us a step backwards, Brad. We've received some messages from our listeners, some questions that they want to know from you. And the first one, to take it right back, is what even is inflation and how does it work?

Inflation is the increase in the general price level of goods in the economy. So basically, what we're looking at here is when you have an economy grow, there's always some competition for resources. We never have quite enough. There's scarcity about where we put our time and money. And so basically with inflation, what you're looking at is, do you have prices in the economy going up or down? And usually it's up. The question then becomes by how much.

So normal sort of inflation that everyone can sort of broadly cope with is normally about 2% a year. And that's because over time people's wages usually increase that sort of broadly cope with is normally about 2% a year. And that's because over time, people's wages usually increase that sort of level. And because you want the economy growing enough that it puts pressure on pricing, that we're not just sort of sitting stagnant, but not too much pressure that, you know,

if you're getting price increases like you are now, households are tearing out their hair and going, I don't know how to pay for things. So your jewels always have that increase in prices. It's not each and every price. I mean, I said before, it's only 66% that are increasing in price at the moment, but it's most of them. But normal two and at the moment seven-ish.

And is there such thing as deflation and is it bad? Theoretically, there is. It doesn't often occur and come through. We have sort of little pockets of it every now and then. I think you'll find in the June 2020 quarter, partly because we were locked down and we couldn't buy a lot of goods, there were a few things that went down in price,

the likes of public transport fares and similar, because they were made free at different points. But no, often we don't have too much of that. And to be honest, if you do, it's quite unusual. I feel like I've been floating around in this world where I'm like, well, once the war's over and COVID's kind of settled down, the prices will go back

but is that not going to happen? I would find it pretty hard to believe only because prices... Jesus, Blake! Which is grim, isn't it? I know, I know, I know but I think we've got to set people up for reality as grim and as bad news as it might be.

Reality sucks. So should we not be going on these holidays, Brad? Should we be saving this holiday money? I just came back from Bali. Shut up, Lurch. Look, I talk to a lot of people at the moment. I think people are also pretty keen on a bit of a decompress after two and a half really hard years. So I don't begrudge anyone a holiday.

Realistically, I think probably over the next year, especially people who've got mortgages and similar, going to be looking at their bank statements and going, maybe if I'm doing a holiday, it might be to somewhere in New Zealand rather than overseas. It might be a little bit more cutthroat on the budget. Well, that kind of answers another listener question, which is how long will this last?

So the answer to that is forevermore. Well, possibly forevermore on the prices. But I think over time, you know, and people's incomes will be naturally rising. It's not fair. The banks have still got all the money, Brad. There's a longer answer here. There's a longer answer here. The pain is going to stick around probably for a year or two,

but we would expect that people's incomes are going to rise over time. You're seeing people that are getting bigger raises than before. That's not keeping up with inflation, but over time you hope it sort of does, and it usually does trend back to that. But I think the other challenge, right, is that if you're looking to get into a home, you're still looking at some pretty big repayments. And those who are doing it the toughest already, who are barely able to, you know, they're still living paycheck

to paycheck, it's still going to be pretty challenging for them. So I think we're, after two years of so much of a sugar hit from all the COVID response, we've probably got a few years of, you know, a bit of a COVID hangover now. Brad, now I've seen some hippies saying they want to eat the rich. Now, how rich? Because I'm doing

okay. I wouldn't use the R rich? Because I'm doing okay. I wouldn't use the R word, but I'm just wondering how hungry are these hippies for the flesh of the people who are employed? Well, I mean, if they're the same hippies that I'm reading about on social media as well, I think that just anyone, you know, who ever puts a photo on social media is possibly in line. God damn it, Brad.

I put photos on social media. They're going to come. They're going to eat me, Brad. How are they going to eat you? Like a slow cook? No, they'd be vegan. I think you're all right. A hippie would be vegan. Oh, yeah.

They'll just come around and eat your lawn. Yeah. They can, actually. It's a nightmare to mow at the moment. It's so wet. Can they do the weeding at the same time? Yeah, that would be great. That way they eat weeds.

Brad, you're doing really well because you're actually answering, as you go, a lot of the questions we've had, like, should my employer be raising my wage? Yes. Oh, totally. Absolutely. Now is probably the best time ever to ask for a pay rise because at the moment, if your boss is saying no, I dare expect a lot of people out there would be able to find another role that would be willing to pay them a bit more.

I think you've got to be open to it. Two last questions or one? I've got two. Well, now is now a bad time to buy a house is one of the questions. Now is pretty challenging, I'm not going to lie. You know, interest rates have just gone up so much that, you know,

you're paying a huge amount. What we know is that over the last, if you buy in 2022, you're probably going to end up spending a third of your income each and every year on average to pay off that mortgage. So it's a pretty tough challenge, man. Okay, I don't like that answer. Last question, Brad.

Last question. What's this $350 payment about? Well, that's the government trying to provide a little bit of support at a time when inflation's high. That $350 coming out from August through October. Remembering though that that's around about $22 a week, just over $22 a week. By our calculations there's an extra $89 a week this

year with inflation, an extra $64 a week next year with inflation so $22 a week for three months a little bit of help because otherwise the government would just be seen as totally mean. Anything more than that though the government risks being even more inflationary. So sort of a bad ending option that's as balanced as possible. God, this is the worst bad news we've had.

This is terrible news. But if I can give you some good news, Brad, and maybe you could do this as well. Yeah. You could tell people how bad inflation is overseas. Yes. Oh, no, totally. And look, New Zealand's as bad as we are at 7.3. The fact that the US is at over 9.1,

the likes of Europe also hitting sort of nines and tens, their numbers are a lot worse. Now, that's cold comfort if you're sitting here in New Zealand going, who gives a stuff about Europe? I'm still paying 20 bucks for a block of cheese. But, you know, I think, you know, realising that things could be a lot worse, and you sort

of hope that New Zealand can get it under control sooner rather than later. If we don't, this does become our reality, and that's a pretty dark place. And even bad news, Brad can't dress that one up. I tried to give you an out. You went bad news again. You're addicted to bad news.

Principal economist Brad Olson. Bad news, Brad. Bad news, Brad. Keeps coming. Thank you so much. I know you've helped a lot of listeners this morning. Don't shoot the messenger either. He's just saying how it is.

Really appreciate your time again, Brad. Thanks, guys. Thanks, guys. We're not going to douse you in bad news this morning because we just had Bad News Brad on who absolutely soaked us in bad news. I'm dripping. God. I need a ring out.

Do you think it was a good reality shot, though? It's what we all know. This is the thing. Everyone's struggling with it. It's what we all know. So he just had to sort of put it in a little package for us that we already know. Well, it's our seeming good, good, bad, good, where we give you all the good news. There's one bit of bad news in there to hide the bad news.

It's not that bad. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. Shall I start? Yes. This is a great story. It's almost life imitating art. Okay. There was a tourist who got swept away in the sea

while he was on a beach vacation in the Aegean Sea. Oh, okay. And he got swept into the ocean and spent 18 hours swimming around shark infested seas. Goodness. And the only way that he managed to survive, because you can't just swim for 18 hours, was he hung on to a Wilson, an inflated ball.

Like in the Tom Hanks movie. Exactly. So he found it just floating next to him, and he went and swam towards it and clung onto it, and it allowed him to be buoyant and float until he was rescued. He'd floated 15 miles away. Oh, my God. I know.

Imagine that. For 18 hours in the sea. How did his toes not get nibbled off by sharks? Yeah, I know. There's some more good news. He survived, but he also didn't get nibbled. He was absolutely freezing, but now he holds on to his own little Wilson as a friend

who saved his life. He'd have wrinkly feet and fingers, wouldn't he? He absolutely would. But he's all tucked up and survived. Absolutely fine. Okay, I've got some good news. Yeah. More good news.

Low-cost carrier AirAsia X is coming back to New Zealand. I've never flown AirAsia. I did a while. Do you remember when I flew AirAsia when I was in Southeast Asia and everyone was messaging me asking if I'd died in that AirAsian plane crash? One digit into the ocean. Yeah. This is not a good promo, guys.

Pilot error and rudders. See, I like when AirAsia comes back to New Zealand because I won't fly AirAsia, but it certainly makes everybody else drop their prices. Yes. Well, yeah, they're launching with a sale and one way Sydney, Auckland, Sydney for $169. And then they're also going to go on to Kuala Lumpur for $499. Yeah, right.

So you're moving, New Zealand? Yeah. So it's good. It's good. A bit of competition coming back. So you can, I think they're starting in, I want to say October. So that's good news. That's really good news.

Although having just listened to Bad News Brad Economist. We can't afford flights. We can't afford to go anywhere. Well, we can now. They're only $169. Yeah, that's true. Well, there you go. Okay, that's good news.

That's good news. You've got some bad news for us? I do. I know. Don't make it too bad, though. In the UK, we're going to talk about this soon on the show, there's a heat wave. Yes.

Ridiculous temperatures in the 40s, and ice cream trucks are in the spotlight. Like your Mr. Whippies? Yeah. And your other brand ice cream trucks? Like? Like, I don't know. Like Breezy Boy?

Yeah. You just take, someone describes the ice cream, and then a gender. Sort of a gender-y age know. Mrs. Easy Boy. Yeah. You just take something that describes the ice cream and then a gender. Sort of a gender-y age thing. Yeah. Chilly girl. Frosty boy.

Nippy lad. Do you judge an ice cream truck if it looks like real, like hand-painted and crap? Yeah, absolutely. They're going to have off-brand ice blocks. They've got Ricky Rouse on the back. And he's like, mind that child. Well, the UK cracking down, of course, on diesel-emitting vans.

And a lot of ice cream trucks are quite old and are not eco-friendly. And there is talk about banning. And their diesel engine also powers the generator that keeps everything cold. So while they're churning out the ice creams, the trucks have to be on. And, of course, they're polluting and they're not economical. And ice cream truck owners are saying that if we have to move to electric trucks, which can cost like six figures, I think the story quoted here,

180,000 pounds for an electric truck. 180,000 pounds? Yeah. So that's like $350,000. So they're saying if we have to buy an ice cream truck worth $350,000 pounds. Yeah, so that's like $350,000. So they're saying if we have to buy an ice cream truck worth $350,000 New Zealand dollars, we can't have ice creams.

We'd have to have like... Or your soft serve of the flake's going to be about $20. They're saying soft serve would have to go. So it would just become a rolled ice cream. It would become a rolled ice cream that'd have to turn off the truck. What's the point? What's the point? Just go to the dairy. Bad news there.

Controversial. Yeah. I like rolled ice cream better than soft serve. No, not a sundae. Like a mac and sundae with chocolate on the bottom, chocolate on the top. I'd rather have a tub of ice cream. See, I like both. Stick your gelato.

Oh, no. Always gelato. Anti-gelato. Always gelato. Sorbet. No good. You've got to have ice cream. Gelato over ice cream. Oh, gelato always. I mean, I'll eat any of them, always gelato. Anti-gelato. Always gelato. Sorbet, no good. You've got to have ice cream. Gelato over ice cream.

Oh, gelato always. I mean, I'll eat any of them, but I would always prefer a rolled ice cream. Yeah, all right, some more good news. A record number of little penguins have been counted at Victoria's Phillip Island, the largest colony of little penguins. Oh. A record number. Not since 1968 have there been

anything close to these numbers are any of them gay or lesbian because we've talked a lot about gay and lesbian penguins in the past

we have predominantly it says same-sex courtship displays were common amongst penguins 28.3% of peers so nearly a third

right just over a quarter between a quarter and a third which would be a fifth yeah of penguins are in a gay relationship. Which is sad because the penguin Christian and Catholic churches are really against their

marriages. Oh, I know. They dress up like little nuns and priests, aren't they? It must be a real slap in the face for the clergy to have these little homosexuals running around dressed like them. So a record number of little penguins. 5,219 penguins. Wow.

Which means approximately 1,700 gay penguins. It's going to be a good pride year this year. A bloody good pride year. Huge for the pride year. I hear Lady Gaga is coming. To play for the penguins. It's going to be a good pride year this year. A bloody good pride year. Huge pride year. I hear Lady Gaga is coming. To play for the penguins? Yeah. Wow.

I think the penguin version of Lady Gaga is Lady Mok Mok. I'm sure. Oh, la, la, la, la. Oh, la. La, la, la, la. Mama. Mama. Mok, mok, mok. Mok, mok, mok. So, yeah, record number.

They count them as they cross this beach and apparently this year it was just super cute. Thousands of penguins toddling across this beach. Oh my God, what a dream job. What's your job? I count penguins. Click, click, click, click, click, click. You need a clicker. You need a clicker.

They say it's La Niña maybe boosting food supply near the shore. Oh, yeah, little fish. Little fishies like the warm waters. So they're getting in there and they're yamming them up and there's plenty of food to eat. So that's great news for little kids and penguins. Look at all that good news.

Suck it, Brad. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Oh, it's a heavy hour on this show, I have to say. So there's been the People's Inquiry into the, what's it called, the student wellbeing. Right. That was released today by the Green Party. Yeah, then you've got it rough.

There wasn't a bloody stand of living room students. Living room bloody tent. There wasn't out there. They wasn't out there. The arms initiative. You lived in a conservatory. A cold, frosty conservatory. I lived in a basement when the sewage pipe got blocked up

and the poos flowed past my window. That's fun. And a little bit into the wall space. That's student living. That's student living, isn't it? My walls, I used to have to towel them off before I went to bed because they used to drip in my flat in Brooklyn. I used to get a towel and towel off my walls.

And the backs of my pillows would always be soaked. I thought you meant I used to towel them off, like yell at them and say, please don't drip on me tonight, walls. You're being very inconsiderate. Please, I'm cold. You're being very inconsiderate. Okay, well, there's some stats from this. Nearly 5,000 students responded to this inquiry.

It's pretty grim. So on average, those living in a shared flat as a student spend 56% of their weekly income on rent. So income meaning their side jobs and their student allowances or whatever. 91% support rent controls and 82% support a rental warrant of fitness, which I thought we'd done. I thought they'd done that as the Healthy Homes Initiative. Yeah, absolutely all four.

If you're making money off a property. Stick a pink bat in the roof. It's got to be up to a certain standard. Two-thirds of students regularly do not... Sorry, I just got... I want to get back to that. Two-thirds of students regularly do not have enough money to buy food, clothing, pay bills, get healthcare or other basics. Disabled Māori and Pasifika students

were more likely to be in that position. That sucks. One in six students said their shared flat didn't meet their needs but couldn't move because rents were too high. This has been around for years, though, that rents were too high. Remember in Wellington and people were going and living, like, out miles away from uni because they couldn't live in Wellington? When I was a student, rent was, like, what?

How much did you say it was? A third? A half of your income? 56%. Yeah. Would it have been half? I would have thought so. It would have been about that?

Yeah. Yeah, I think my student allowance, because when I was at drama school, you couldn't have a job because you were there like seven days a week. I think my student allowance was like 280. My rent was 150. Right, yeah.

So I think if you went to a normal uni, had a job, it's maybe around the same. But my rent was 150, which is like unheard of. And that was high. Two thirds of people haven't been able to pay for transport or the cost of a vehicle 91% said they'd use public transport more if it was free

and most students 69% reported a decline in mental well that's not nice, in mental well-being during the COVID-19 pandemic, not nice and some said this negatively impacted their studies which you can imagine the idea of being at school

or university during this pandemic is mind-blowing. Especially if you were a hands-on like drama or radio. I talked to a drama school in Wellington at the end of maybe 2020 or 2021, just as a like a

hey, I'm in the industry and let's talk. And they were just miserable because doing drama school through Zoom, it doesn't work. Yeah. So it's an absolute struggle. I've got some money-saving tips, though. Yeah.

From my times, if we can hark back to my times as a student. We used to pool all our resources. Some call it communism. Some call it struggling to survive as a collective. Yes. And we used to buy a giant, huge sack of potatoes. And I used to make my famous dish,

potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. Oh, three different types of potatoes. All in one dish. Yep. Mashed potatoes with chips. Yep. And well, the third one was always up for debate. I'd say, what do you guys want?

Do you want roast potatoes? Do you want like scalloped potatoes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How else do you want your potatoes? Wow. And that was potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. Right, yeah, yeah. I'll ask you want your potatoes. Wow. And that was potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. Right. My money-saving student tip was, you know those giant rolls of toilet paper? Yeah.

Those giant ones. Oh, like from a public toilet. You acquire one and then that's your flat toilet. And that sits on the floor. Yeah, we had that. Yeah. And those can be found in janitorial cupboards? Yes, they can.

Yes, they can be. Go into the uni cupboard. Yeah. Can they be found in janitorial cupboards? Yes, they can. Go into the uni cupboard. My student saving tip that I remember from uni days was our flatmate Ria used to waitress at quitting smoking conferences and at the end of the conference, all the smokers would leave their cigarettes on the table and she would sweep them into a bag and bring them round to our flat and that was us for like weeks.

And you would have delicious free cigarettes. We'd have delicious free cigarettes that saved a lot of money. So could that also be a tip, get a job at like a quitting binge eating conference? Get a job at a supermarket because they're always chucking out food in the bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dumpster diving. My brother used to do that when he was at uni. And you'd find all amazing stuff.

A lot of it's still in the bag. Yeah, it's great. Well, this is what we want to hear is your student money saving tips. Yeah, from back in the day when you were a student. How did you save money? Yeah, you're a student now.

How did you save money? What tips? Here's another one. Go to mum and dad's at the weekend with open up the boot and just chuck everything in. Supermarket of mum and dad.

If your neighbours have a garage, you sneak an extension cord in the window and you plug it into their garage and then you hide it, disguise it and bury it through to your place, chuck a multi-box in. You've got four sockets of free power there. Up to eight.

Don't push it. It'll blow the fuse. That's four heaters. Yes! All of the neighbours. Fan heaters. I think four heaters on an extension cord with a multi-box is going to trip that switch every two minutes.

It's really going to test the fuse. Yeah, but you can just keep going do-do-do-do in the garage. Not if it's in their garage. Well, 0800-DARLS-IT-IN. We want you to text in 9696. Have you got a money-saving tip from your student days? Relive those days when you're a student and the things that you did. And maybe that will help our students today.

Current students. With some money-saving tips and just people in general, really. Yeah. I'm done. I don't want to know what it's like when you're gone. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. The student welfare study paints a grim picture.

A grim picture of student life, but we're also reflecting that student life has never been great. It's never been great. It's always grim picture. A grim picture of student life, but we're also reflecting that student life has never been great. It's never been great. It's always the crappiest flats. Yes. Character building. Sure. Something like that. That's how they get you to buy into it. So we want to know your money saving tips

from your student days. Yes. Which maybe we can pass on. Maybe even use in daily life. I had a couple of friends who shared a bedroom in a flat and had two single beds. That's very London. Yeah, very London. Yeah, I know people that did that in Whistler

when they went snowboarding. A few awkward moments, I'm sure. Some messages in. Everyone in the flat works at different food shops. Basically, we had burritos, ice cream or burgers for dinner. Yeah, good. And then the... I just worked that out in my head, 80% of my income was going on rent at that stage.

80? Yeah, that's grim. Amy, what's your money-saving tip from the student days? Good morning. Good morning. So I lived in a dodgy North Dunedin flat, you know, the cold, horrible one. Congratulations for surviving.

Surviving that time of my life. So I got a boyfriend, and he lived at home with his parents in a lovely, warm home, so I could stay there a few nights a week. You smart as a... And then his parents would feed me every now and then as well. Oh, that's so good. And then did you end up going from one or two nights a week to like five? Oh, three to four. Three to four.

Three to four. That's three to four delicious roasts, spagbogs. Would you have been with this boyfriend if he didn't have the appearance with the warm home and the home-cooked meals? Oh, yeah. No, he was pretty lovely at the time, yes. Okay. Oh, but not around anymore. No, no, no, not the time, yes. Okay. Oh, but not around anymore?

No, no, no, not around anymore. How long ago was this, Amy? Oh, 15 years ago. The good news is those flats are still in exactly the same condition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they haven't touched. No, Amy wouldn't dare touch them. Thanks for your call.

Ask the messages in. Oh, someone said, one day I had a taste for something a little bit sweet but didn't have any money for a treat. So I donated blood and got free orange juice and biscuits. Unlimited. Cheese and crackers. Good chalky bickies. And you're doing good work.

You are. Somebody said we used to buy a big sack of rice much like potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. Of which I'm thinking about releasing a recipe book. A sack of rice, much like potatoes, potatoes, potatoes, of which I'm thinking about releasing a recipe book. A sack of rice,

like a third world country in New Zealand. Like an aid drop. Like a UN plane flies over your flat. And occasionally we'd bougie it up with a tin of tuna

or some other sort of tinned meat. Oh yeah, I used to do a rice and tuna. That was a classic. Pasta, tuna. And sweet chilli sauce to hide the pain.

Yeah, a sauce. Yeah, that was a classic. Pasta, tuna. And sweet chilli sauce to hide the pain. Yeah, a sauce. I was always a Worcestershire sauce because it was soy, but a little bit more. A little bougier than a soy. A little bit bougier than a soy, you know. It was predominantly soy, but there was something else present. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

So I've got a bit of an issue on my hands. I've committed to something and now I don't know that I can follow through. Okay. Now this is not a chance for me to tell you that I am doing charity work. Because you don't like to... Because I don't want to be in the spotlight for it. Vaughan and I are the same. We don't like to go on about our charity work.

Which charities do you support? I don't say. Right. Because it defeats the purpose for me. Oh, that's fair. Well, this one, and the only reason I'm saying it is because it's public knowledge anyway.

Right. It's called the Cat Art Auction. The Cat Art Auction. Yeah. What is it? Presented by Fang and Fur, the great Cat Art Auction. Right.

And it gets together a bunch of artists and a bunch of personalities, which I think is the category I'm in. Right. Rather than artist. I think I'm in personalities. Okay. And each person, artist or personality, has to do a piece of art of a cat or cat themed

and then it goes up for auction. And all the money that comes from the art, art, I've got to make art, goes to Pet Refuge, which is a charity that like rehomes pets that have been affected by domestic violence. So it's a really good charity. Yeah, right.

But now they text me the other day and said, like, how are you going along with your art? Do they send you art supplies? No, no, no. It's up to you how, it's a charity. I'm happy to go to Look Sharp, you know, and get some supplies. Yeah, right. So I've been looking at some of the art styles that they've got,

you know, like some cool kind of. Oh, wow, those are cool. Prints and stuff. Yeah. And they said to me, like, you know, like some cool kind of... Oh, wow, those are cool....prints and stuff. And they said to me, like, you know, it doesn't have to be good. You know, are you any good? And I was like, I obviously, I love cats. That's no question.

I want to make as much money for the cats in need as possible. But I don't know what to do. The problem is, if your artwork doesn't sell or it sells for like $20, you've wasted the cat's time. I've wasted the platform. Yeah. You've wasted everyone's time.

I've wasted everyone's time. Yeah. And it's in a live auction, which is on the 28th of August in Auckland. Now, who's going to be at this auction? Will it be online? It's online as well, but you can go in person. It's at Everybody's in Fort Lane in Auckland, 28th of August. Right.

And you can go and bid. So there's actual artists making amazing art. But then there's like the likes of... Then there's you. There's me. Tom Sainsbury's going to be doing one. Ursula Carlson. Yeah.

Yeah, Angela Dravid, Karen O'Leary, Kate Roger. We're all just loving the cats, but I need an idea of what to do. I'm trying to... How do you even draw a cat? Is that the shape of a cat? Yeah, that's, okay, what about, that's a cat or a bat.

What about this for an idea? Okay. It's just a really up close puckered butthole. Yeah. Cat's butthole. That's a great idea.

It's like, it's like a universe, but it's like a puckered cat butthole. Now, NZ me, I am going to quickly Google cat's butthole. Oh, that me, I am going to quickly Google cat's butthole. That's letting IT know.

That's letting IT know. I just want to let them know. I think that gets you off the hook legally. Images. Although, what did you Google earlier today that you didn't do an on-air thing? Did you? Big Sean. You were looking for a picture of Big Sean, weren't you?

Yeah, I was. Next to the Nintendo controller. I just wanted to make sure I knew which, you know, what Seanie was. And Fletch said, don't Google it. I've got it bookmarked. And then there was no need to Google the actual words. What about a, like the rear of a cat? Oh, that's good.

So quite close of the butthole. And I could do it with like PVA and some glitter. And then frame it. Oh, make it. So the butthole's glittery. So the butthole would be the sort of centrepiece of it. No, print that photo out and then just put a glue stick over the butthole, sprinkle some glitter on.

How cool would that look? Look at this. This is pretty good. Yeah, that's good. I'll do something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a winner. So listeners, I know this is a An oral medium

Oral? Yes Thank god But I have drawn A sort of rear end Of a cat But I'll do a better version Of it

Yeah yeah yeah I like that What about if you bought A whole lot of fruits And cut them in half Yeah For example like An apple

An apricot Yep A You know any of these fruits And then half Cut them in half Dip them them in paint, stamp them, because they will all look a little bit cat butthole, and then paint the tails around themselves,

all different cats, and call it Fruits of the Anus. Fruits of the Anus by Hayley Sproul. Yeah. Fruits of the Anus. I am very excited. Are you going to start this today? Yeah, I'm going to go look sharp after this and get some art supplies. Or anal produce.

Anal produce is quite good. I don't think you need to bring fruits into this, I'm going to go look sharp after this and get some art supplies. Or anal produce. Anal produce is quite good. I don't think you need to bring fruits into this, I think. I was just thinking because they all look a little bit like a... Next time you cut into a kiwi fruit, look at that and imagine that's got a tail above it and leaves below it. I reckon your imagination will fill in the rest of it. I don't know if Zespri want to be dragged into this. Yeah, yeah.

I reckon your imagination will fill in the rest of it. I don't know if Zespri want to be dragged into this. Yeah, yeah. I reckon your imagination will fill in the rest of it. I don't know if Zespri want to be dragged into this. Yeah, yeah. A cherry? Yeah. Okay, well, we look forward maybe on social... A strawberry would be a ripper, actually.

A strawberry would really be... If there are any artists listening, I'm happy to do a commission. You can't get an artist. It's charity. You can't get an artist. It's about making the most money and people won't know.

No, no, no. Remember when Helen Clark did that? Oh, yeah. She got... Absolutely. She got someone and then she signed it. And then it was

a big kerfuffle. So you don't want to be dragged into a charity art kerfuffle. Well, if you are an artist, please DM me on the gram and give me some ideas. But I think

the butthole angle is great. I think print out a royalty-free photo of a cat from the behind and then glitter it. Yes. Alternatively, somebody said get dressed up as a cat and do a boudoir photo shoot.

Oh, yes. You're like swinging around like a cat. Big cat energy. With those cat ears. Boudoir. It's going on the list. Boudoir photo shoot. Okay, I like this. All right.

Well, keep us updated with the art exhibition. Then when the art's done, we've got to let people know so they can bid on this. Absolutely. We joke, but it is an amazing charity. An amazing charity. I'm happy to be part of it. I want it to just be amazing.

Clay, ZM's, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Just pulling up a photo so I can tell you what was on the menu last night. Ooh la la. We went for our school holiday romantic meal.

Now you might be like, what are you talking about? School holidays, my children go to my parents. Yeah. I love this time of year because there's calves and everything on the farm. It's a real exciting time. It sounds super exciting.

Oh, little calves. They're pretty cute. No, have you seen them coming out? It's not cute. Yeah, slippery. Slip right out. Well, you hope so. Otherwise, you have to put a rope around the feet and get them out the old fashioned way. I've seen that too

so we went out for a romantic meal because the kids are at mum and dad's otherwise no one is just Hayley and I's every other day just life that's just life

so we always say when the kids are away I'm like what do people without children do with their time it's so great

we eat and have sex it's fantastic all the time every night but sometimes you eat do. It's so great. We eat and have sex. It's fantastic. All the time? Every night. But sometimes you eat too much to have sex? Yeah, I know. That's the fun one. What a wild time. That's the gamble. Do we need

pudding or are we going to have pudding? So yeah, we went out to Ahi in Bailey's restaurant. Oh, posh. We had wallaby tartare. You ate wallaby? I ate wallaby. And I'd do it again.

Are they a pest? Yes, they are. Yeah, they're a pest. We don't have wallabies here, though, do we? No, yes, we do. We have heaps. They're a pest. Yes, we do.

Down in wallaby land. There's heaps of them in Australia. Why, Maddy? What? Yep, Tamaru's got them. Did somebody? Even the lakes of Rotorua. I remember as a kid the first time I saw somebody,

a wallaby was after somebody had crossbowed one when we were on the boat. Oh, my God. He was a pest controller and he was like, you kids want to come and see wallabies being hunted? And we were like, yep. And then he ripped out this crossbow and all the kids were just like,

that's the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. And then it was like we're like I thought on your school camp one of your activities was crossbow wallabies. Right. What do we do?

We want to keep numbers down. I genuinely didn't know we had them in New Zealand. Yeah. Oh yeah. Big problem. There's a kookaburra at my house too.

Just speaking of Australian invaders people think I'm lying but there's actually 100% a kookaburra at my house.. Just speaking of Australian invaders, people think I'm lying, but there's actually 100% a kookaburra at my house. Do you have a gum tree? No. But he would sit there laughing at you and laughing at me. It wouldn't be a kookaburra.

Okay, so great. A delicious pest. Yeah, I had a delicious pest. So you're at this nice... A duck tart. Okay. Scampi. It was like, it was...

Posh. It was posh. It was very posh. That's good for you. Did you wear a shirt? Did you wear a shirt? No. Did he give you a discount?

Why are you going to this nice restaurant? They didn't give me a discount. Well, no, we go to a nice restaurant. This is the thing. This is the school holiday. Treat yourself. Yeah, right. Dinner.

You don't take kids to places. There was somebody there with kids. And I was like, you might as well just be flushing money down the toilet. When you see kids sitting in business class, I was like, you might as well just be flushing money down the toilet. When you see kids sitting in business class, you're like, why? You're small. I don't want to name a shame.

Taika Waititi's taken his kids to bloody Europe in business class. Business class? I think he just lost any relativity to any bloody kid. Any cred?

Next time you watch Boy, just remember that guy's flying his kids to business class now. Yeah, but I think if you're earning that much money, yeah, because otherwise you'd have to sit with them in business class.

Oh, I'd leave them in economy. In economy, right. Leave them in economy. Mum's up front. Maybe get them in economy. Yeah. We were just about to tuck into our power boil up in two minute noodles, which wasn't two minute noodles, but the idea was.

That was the inspiration. Yeah, that was the part. And you pour the hot on and then you choose how much seasoning you sprinkle. Right. Oh, I had everything. It's the sense, the inspiration. Yeah, that was the part. And you pour the hot on and then you choose how much seasoning you sprinkle. Right. Off. And I had everything. The scents, the taste. And then, oop, oop, oop.

Please vacate the building in an orderly manner. And we were just like, what do we do? What, you'd ordered? It was sitting in front of us because it was coming out. It was like courses, so it was coming out. We do things differently here. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It wasn't one of those.

Oh, right. It wasn't one of those restaurants. We just bring them out when they're ready. We do things a little bit differently here. Have you dined with us before? No. We do things a little bit differently here. Everything's designed to be shared with the table.

It's like that's not different. That's not what every single restaurant is doing now. Everyone is doing that differently here. Everything's designed to be shared with the table. It's like, that's not different. That's not different as every single restaurant is doing now. Everyone is doing that right now. That's the dumb thing. Even the fish and chip shop has been doing that for years. It's not a new idea. Even Maccas will cut your Big Mac into quarters now and everybody can have a quarter of it.

Sure, yeah. That way you get a little McChicken, a little Fluffers. Yeah, a little Nugget. They'll do it for you. Right, so, because this has happened to me. I've been at a restaurant. It wasn't as fancy, though, but the fire alarm went off. And I think we were outside for like half an hour.

Oh, we were outside for five minutes. You had to leave food on the table. Yeah. Oh, no. What happened when you went back in? We went back in and they were like, oh, we'll redo this. So, I mean, we had to quickly eat it. I tasted it. Oh, yeah, and have a little cold bit first. Yeah. Did you eat it? Did you quickly eat it? I tasted it.

Oh, yeah, I have a little cold bit first. Yeah. Oh, that's going to be good when it's hot. And then it came back and it was delicious. But the ladies sitting at the table beside us who had been taking selfies and like drinking cocktails didn't come back. And no one paid on the way out.

Sneaky little girl. They were like, okay, everybody, when this is over, come back. We're going to, you know, get you started on where you were at. The ultimate. Anything that's been

sitting on the table will be replaced. It would have cost the restaurant a lot of money because I'm imagining ours hadn't been mixed in yet. But like for dishes

that came out that got cold, you couldn't just add it in the microwave. I bet they did though. I would have. Yeah, same. Chuck it in the oven

under a heat lamp for a bit. But yeah, these ladies didn't come back. Are you sure they haven't? Maybe they'll go. I would have. Yeah, same. Chuck it in the oven under a heat lamp for a bit. But yeah, these ladies didn't come back. Are you sure they haven't? Maybe they'll go back today and pay. I hope so. Oh, as if. I said to the guy, I was like, they didn't come back. And he said, oh yeah, they said to me downstairs they were cold.

For five minutes you were outside. Yeah, and they were literally handing everybody their coats on the way out. Okay. If they were cold, they didn't drink enough cocktails. Were there any firemen from the calendar there? No. Oh, okay. That was, yeah.

That would have saved the night. No, it wouldn't have. It wasn't. I tell you what, they weren't afraid to bring every bloody fire engine they had. Well, they do a great job. They do a great job. Yeah. Yeah, because if there had been a fire.

Boy, they would have had it. Yeah. They would have been on top of it. I wonder if they would have tried the power in the two-minute noodles. No. If I was a fireman and I was having to check the building to make sure there's no fires, I'd probably skim through the flash restaurant

and put my finger in a few sources. Yeah, that's pretty good. My beer definitely was empty when I went back too. The fireman didn't toss a beer bag while they were in there. It's a big accusation. It's a big accusation. Against New Zealand Fire Service. So was there a fire? No.

Just some burnt. I don't know what it was. I did ask, but nobody wanted to tell me. Oh, well. It's being nosy. Good on you for having a romantic night. Yeah. How did that end?

Asleep. Like I said before, you eat too much, don't you? A lot of pudding. What's the pudding? Okay. Well, prepare for those friends that you have in the UK to be whinging as well as posting photos of their glorious European holidays. They already are.

Because it is in the UK and parts of Europe, over 40 degrees it's been today and tomorrow, the next few days. Yes. Which is insane for the UK, especially. A friend of mine who recently moved to the UK, she went to work this morning at 9am, it was 38. What? At 9am?

Yeah. Jesus. So there, UK Cinema Chain is offering Monday and Tuesday people with red hair and fair skin and fair skin free movie tickets

so that they can avoid the sun. That is a good, that is a good, that's a good marketing. Movies are great in winter, but then when it gets so hot, it does the full round and it's actually good to be inside again.

And they're not prepared, right? Because a London summer is like 24 on a good day. It's usually pretty grey and clouded over. It's like London isn't prepared for anything. It gets hot in summer in London, Londoners freak out. The leaves fall off the trees in autumn, every autumn famously. And all of a sudden the trains are just like,

whoa, whoa. We can't go over those. What's 1714 in 24 hour time? 5.14. Quarter past five. Quarter past five in France, 41 degrees. My friend just sent me this. Isn't that insane?

There's fires as well. Is the Eiffel Tower going a bit low? So apparently It is sagging a bit Some bridge in the UK They wrapped in like industrial tin foil Yeah and they're painting the To keep it warm until dad got home from work

So the garlic bread didn't go cold No so it would Reflects the sun Reflects the sun Oh wow Because it's one of those kind of cable bridges. And then you're painting the train

lines. Painting the train tracks white so they don't buckle. It's major. It's one thing to talk about it. It's another thing to talk to someone. In the midst of it, our European correspondent Andy joins us. Good morning. Good morning. Well, good evening.

Good evening. Oh, good evening. Whereabouts in the UK are you, Andy? I live in a place called Leyland, which is in the northwest near Blackpool. Right. And how over the Leyland tractor? Oh, of course.

That's the first thing that came to my mind. The first thing that I thought of too. Yep. Andy, how hot's it been for you today? So we've had it about 33 was the peak of the heat here. In Manchester nearby it was 35.

Wow. You just don't get these temperatures in the UK, do you? No, we're not built for this in the slightest. Do you have do you own a pair of shorts? A singlet? He's got way on shorts. I'm just strutting around in my boxers at the moment.

Oh, wow. Wow. And so what else has been happening in the UK that you've heard of? Because it's just, people just can't deal. So we had a couple of roads melt and an airport runway's melted. Oh, my God. Did a plane land and just sink in? Like an easy jet?

I think they found it before the easy jet got to it, but they've had to rip up a load of time. I can try and relay it. What? It's just been impossible. We don't have air conditioning here. We're not built for hot weather or for cold weather. I heard they were trying to implement a rule that if your office space, like your workspace, got over 25 degrees, they had to send you home.

Yeah, I think employers are taking that with a pinch of salt. The vehicles at work are getting up to 40-odd degrees, and we're still working through that without even air conditioning in them either. I didn't even think of that, that you wouldn't have air conditioning if you didn't live in a hot country. Yeah, you just wouldn't bother. You've got heaters. A lot of people say, why that you wouldn't have air conditioning if you didn't live in a hot country. Yeah, you just wouldn't bother. You've got heaters. A lot of people say, why have you not put your air conditioning on?

For the two weeks of the year, it's this hot, it's not worth buying it. But for the two weeks, I'd really like to have some right now. Jesus Christ. Everything's melting. It's brilliant. Do we know how long this is supposed to last? As far as I can tell, it's a week or two. But, I mean, it's 20 past nine at night and it's still 32 degrees here.

Oh, my God. You are not going to sleep tonight, Andy. I've got two small children. I'll sleep. I'm just looking currently in London, 29 degrees as well. Yeah, right. It's 9pm. You can't function.

What do your kids make of it? Are they enjoying the heat or are they suffering and screaming and giving you a hard time? Well, they're two toddlers so they don't really

understand it. They're just permanently drinking and running around in nappies at the minute. They're quite enjoying it. We took them swimming today just to try and hide from the heat somewhere.

That's all you can do, really. That's probably the only way you can escape it if you don't have air con is just strip down to your undies and run around and find a body of water to jump into.

Yeah, well you get yourself like a blurb inflatable paddling pool from Aldi or something and you can have a go in that and that's about the only other option. Oh my gosh.

That's insane. Our European correspondent Andy, thank you for joining us again this morning. No worries, any morning. No worries. Any time. Play it. ZM's Fletch Von Analy.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is if you wanted to buy all the real estate in the world, it would cost you $326.5 trillion. Jeepers. But we don't have a trillionaire yet, do we? No. We must be close, apparently. Elon Musk's like within a couple of years, right?

Yeah, right. Congrats. Becoming a trillionaire. Unless Twitter win their fight with him and get some money out of him because aren't they taking him to court? Yeah, they don't want a bar of him. But do they want some money out of him?

I think so, yeah, because he crashed their stock price. That's right, yeah. When he said he'd buy them. Yeah. So, yeah, $326.5 trillion. Residential real estate taking up the biggest slice of that. Okay.

$258 trillion if anybody's got that kicking around. You can buy all the residential real estate in the world. If you want to buy the agricultural land, that's $35.4 trillion at value. And commercial real estate, your factories, your warehouses, $32.6 trillion. This is more than gold. All the gold, for example, is $12 trillion.

The entire global GDP is $84 trillion. So that's like, you know, the back and forth, the goods and services, the trade and exchange. And then there's, I don't understand, debt securities or equities, but apparently they're a big part of it. What the hell?

I just searched how much money everyone in the world has combined. Oh, yeah? If you're searching for the total amount of physical money, notes and coins going in and out, like around, that we have, $40 trillion. Right. What about pay wave? Why don't we just print some more?

This is what I never understand. Just print more. I think that won't help our inflation situation. Print more money. Very much problematic in the inflation side of things. I don't get it. But then, do you remember, it was a fact of the day a while ago, the percentage of money that is not physical.

Yeah. It's all just like online. It's a lot. It's a lot. And written down. Literally just written down. Yes, because that's the thing. Like I get paid.

No one hands me any money. No. And then I transfer it into one account. Yes. I don't put the money physically in the bank. Yeah. I don't have a little tab at my bank saying, hey, these money. Does this cost of all the real estate in the world,

does it break down to what just New Zealanders? Because we'd be quite high, wouldn't we? Nah, it doesn't break it down by country that much. Right. It does kind of like in different areas, how much value versus how much population lives there. Right. And of course, like we've got a huge, it includes us in Asia Pacific.

So we've got all of, apart from China, we've got all the other like Southeast Asian countries in Asia, those massive population bases. So I think that skews it a bit for New Zealand. Right. Changes it a little bit. Yeah. So today's fact of the day is if you want to buy it all, I mean, there'll probably be a couple of holdouts.

Yeah. Like those people you always see in their tiny shitty houses in the middle of a Westfield and they're like, I refuse to move. I'm not selling. But if you want to buy it all, you probably need a couple of trillion either side to be honest. $326.5 trillion for all the real estate in the world.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Now, I'm back from Bali, Do, do, do. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Now, I'm back from Bali. And while I was in Bali, I did notice on my chest. Yep. Chests. Yep.

There was somewhat of a rash developing. And it just looked like kind of like pimples. You don't want a holiday rash. Yeah, it was like. Like pimples. Yeah, like red dots. Okay. Down my chests, between my chests.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, that's annoying. And it's very hot in Bali, obviously. Yeah. So I was like, it just must be some kind of sweat rash. Heat rash. Yeah, like a heat rash. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I thought nothing of it. And then I got home yesterday and I've got, I see this sort of slight pain in my armpit. And I was like, can't be an ingrown hair because I've lasered that away. That's gone forever. So I lifted it up and I've got the same sort of pimple dotty rash down my armpit and a little bit down the side of my rib cage. So your chest and pits.

Well, it doesn't even there because I had a shower last night and I was like, oh, I was checking myself out, just making sure everything was still up and keeping it tight. I thought you meant like checking for lumps and bumps. Always a great place to check for the breasticles and testicles.

Yes, always good. No, I was just more having a little look at the goods. And then I turned around to check out the butt, something I take great pride in. Absolutely covered in a pimply rash. Deadass. Deadass.

It's not looking so hot. Okay, it's always a big question mark when you've been in Bali. I know. And I've got this rash all over me. And the butt thing's annoying because I've got a colonoscopy next week, so I'm going to be asleep, and then they're going to flip me over to put the camera in, and he's going to be like, ooh.

No way, no. They've always seen worse. It's pretty bad. Oh, okay. It's spreading down the thighs. You know that saying? Yeah, there's always someone worse off. Yeah, but someone's is the worst.

Yeah, someone has to be the worst, and it could be you. If you were asked to rank them, someone's is the worst. Yeah, someone has to be the worst and it could be you. If you were asked to rank them, someone's at the bottom. Yeah. Anyway, so instead of, you know, just letting it be and probably writing it off as a heat rash, having been in Bali and being sweaty

and those areas between the boobs, armpit and butt, sweaty areas. Well, that's why there's that ad with the singing ones. You don't have to suffer and cry the whole day through. And I 3B'd when I was over there as well. You 3B'd? Yeah, but not on the butt.

Okay. Between the thighs. That's another story. Anyway, so I obviously, I hopped on Google. What is 3B? I've seen the ads, but I've never- Anti-chafe cream. Is it just lube?

Yeah, it's like a water-resistant kind of cream that you put in your rubbing areas. Yeah, that doesn't sound good for your skin. No, I didn't put it on these areas. Chafing's worse for the skin. Yeah, chafing's rough. Okay. Like a Vaseline.

Anyway, so I hopped on Google, and I have confirmed monkeypox. It's not monkeypox. I've got monkeypox. Have you seen monkeypox photos? Yeah, but they start as little red dots. No. But you'd also be feeling like you were dying, I think.

That's a general... I did have a nap yesterday for an hour. You get the flu symptoms. That's not dying. That's just getting up at four o'clock in the morning after adjusting back from a time difference. Anyway, I don't have monkeypox, but there was a period of time when I was first looking at it

and then I'd seen that it was in these other parts of the body that I was like, but what if? What if it's monkey pox? I've got monkey pox. Because there are a few cases here now, aren't there? Yeah. What was Google saying? Well, I mean, there's lots of things. There's lots of things.

I could have herpes all over my body. Monkey pox is herpes as well. This is the problem with Googling is you send yourself into a panic every time. It's always cancer when you Google whatever's wrong with you. It's always one of the top Googles. It's a sweat rash. It's a sweat rash

for sure to go away within a week. But I love hearing about people's Google diagnoses. Their panic Googles that they do when they're desperate for an answer at whatever time it was, 9.30 at night before they go to bed and their butt looks like a teenage face.

That's some picture you're painting there. That is some picture. I have a feeling the sexy DMs are going to slow down a little bit after today. Okay, someone will be into it. Yeah. All right, well, we want to take your calls now. You can text as well, 9696 0800 dials at M.

Yeah, when did you panic yourself with a good old Google search? Yeah, are we just taking, like, health Google searches? I imagine it'll be predominantly health things, but maybe you've found out that, you know, your house is made of asbestos as well because you've found it blusher on the ceiling and you've Googled that that means you're going to die in the next 10 years. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Play ZM. We want to know the times you've panicked yourself by googling, like what's wrong with you? How many times you've had a I'm going to die diagnosis by Google. You've got a rash. I've got a rash. Butt, chest and pit.

We just messaged my friend who's a doctor and he said the cream could be a good goer. Yeah, well he has diagnosed my fungal foot infection before at a pub. Yeah, he said leave me alone. He's on holiday. Is this any European holiday? Yeah. Yeah, so yeah.

I'm already going to miss it. I just need to go home and take a pic because I just need him to look at it. If he was here, I'd show him in person. I know, you do. We've become immediately close since the foot incident. Yeah. But that's what we've asked, is when did you have a panic, put yourself in a panic because you Googled?

Christy, what did you Google? So, I've been dealing with some abdominal pain for about, oh, give or take three or four years at the time. I was going to say appendix, but that wouldn't be three or four years. It's either appendix or an alien that's going to burst out of your stomach. Was it that? Yeah, well, it actually came up saying endometriosis, and it was actually correct.

I was actually diagnosed at 21. Oh, wow. I mean, one, I'm so sorry. That sucks. It's a bad diagnosis. But two, you were correct. That doesn't often happen. Yeah, that's why I had to ring in,

because it was the fact that it actually was correct, and it did take seven years to finally officially diagnose me, but it was actually correct. Why does it take so long? I don't know a lot about endometriosis, but it seems a lot of people are like, oh, I've got it, and doctors are like, well, we'll see. It's because they don't believe that women are in pain. They say, it seems a lot of people are like, oh, I've got it, and doctors are like, well, we'll see.

It's because they don't believe that women are in pain. They say, my periods are painful. They're like, yeah, they're supposed to be. And you're like, no, no, really painful. There's a lot of different illnesses and sicknesses that they need to rule out prior to endo. Because it is quite a serious thing. They need to rule out all the minor things first

and then go to the bigger stuff. Is it a scan to finally identify it? Like an external scan? You actually have to have keyhole surgery and do all that process. So they can't keyhole surgery everybody. So they want to eliminate everything before they get to the keyhole surgery.

They don't want to keyhole you in case you don't have it. Yeah. Not unless you have about 25, 30 grand lying around for every single person. Yeah. Can you get a keyhole surgery at Mr. Minute at the mall? Yeah, I reckon he'd do well. Because that's where I like to get all my surgery done, under an escalator at Westfield.

Yeah, same, same. That's why you don't pay much for it, though, is because everyone can see it. Christy, thanks. You're cool. Talia, when did you panic yourself with a Google? Well, it was actually my doctor. Okay.

Wait, wait. You went to the doctor and the doctor Googled? Yeah, yeah. It was a... You didn't know everything. No. Well, that scared me to start off with, was my doctor's Googling it.

Like, it was a locum, so it wasn't my usual doctor. Okay. But I had a lump in my eyelid, and then it started, like, on both sides. It got, like, a head on it, like a pimple. Oh. And it was painful. Like, it was so sore. No, don't pop it on your eye.

Yeah. I went in, and the doctor was like, oh, I've never seen anything like this before. You know, I'm just going to have a look into it. Reassuring words from a doctor. Yeah. I've never seen this before in my life. You freak. Yeah, yeah.

And so he pulled up Google and I was just like, well, that what? And so then he turns around to me and he's like, so it actually looks like your eyelid is rotting from the inside. Oh, well. Wait, wait, wait like your eyelid is rotting from the inside. Oh! Wait, wait, wait. Tell me he was wrong on the Google. Oh, I can't tell you that. I can't ruin the punchline.

Okay, okay. Carry on, carry on, carry on. So, yeah, so he said, you know, subsequently, we're going to have to probably remove your eyelid. And I was just like, oh, my God. What? So you'd always be, like, in shock and disbelief. Yeah, and so he referred me to the eye specialist. So I had to wait, like, a month to go to that.

So this whole time I'm, like, I'm losing my eyelid. I was mourning and grieving the loss of my eyelid. Yeah. Went to the specialist a month later, and he goes, oh, no, that's just an infected eyelash follicle. And he pulled the eyelash out and drained it. Oh my freak. So you had like a sty.

I had a sty. I've had a sty before. Yeah, and they're horrible and there's a lot of pus in there. Yeah. No, so it wasn't a sty because of the way, where it was placed. Right. Oh, because it wasn't on the eyelash line.

Yeah. Yeah, and because of sty you can move it, I think. Yeah. Yeah, this was like, yeah you can move it, I think. Yeah. Yeah, this was like, yeah, just this solid lump on your eyelid. So you were not only panicked by a Google search, but a Google search by your doctor. Yeah. About a rotting eyelid.

Well, I'm happy that you've still got your eyelid. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I really appreciate that. I blink extra with that eye. Yeah, yeah, every blink is a blessing. Yeah. Oh, I just Googled people with no eyelids. Yeah, you would have looked always shocked.

The silence of the lambs. Yeah. Oh, yeah, okay. Goodness me. I'm going to shut that down. Not Buffalo Bill, Buffalo Bill. Buffalo Bill. No, Buffalo Bills don't have eyelids.

No. And they've got a candy nose. And you can eat his nose. Thanks for your call, Talia. Some messages in. I Googled my symptoms, which at first were no problem because I was losing weight, although I was always thirsty. And it gave me an array of life-threatening illnesses.

One of them was type 1 diabetes. So I went to the doctor and the doctor was like, yes, you do have type 1 diabetes. I've lived my life with it to this point. I went straight to the hospital. I was so sick. Medical students did a study on me as to how I didn't feel worse when my body was literally days away from shutting down.

Jesus Christ. So again, Google's led them to the right place. Yeah, Google led them to the right place. I'm getting closer and closer to that monkey. Well, I've had a message back, Hayley, from our friend who's a doctor, saying he's always open to butt pics. And at least we've moved on from the feet pics. And also, that'll be $59.

Oh, okay. Yes, quarter hour. That's good. That's a quarter hour tick up right there. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley.