ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 1st February 2022

Episode Date: January 31, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe, try the refreshing McCafe iced coffee, available now at Macca's. Debate rages. A hot debate. Yeah, we were mid-debate when producer Jared said, guys, you haven't heard the podcast intro.

We said, let's take this to the podcast. Prepare. Yeah, prepare. So Jared said, guys, you haven't heard the podcast intro. We said, let's take this to the podcast. Prepare. Yeah. Prepare. Executive producer Internania, very upset because she's gone to book a brunch with a friend. With poutine on the mind. Yeah. And we have just had what news has rocked you from one Hayley Jane Sproul and one Carl Peter Fletcher.

That there's no poutine until 11.30. 11.30. 11.30? That's too late. It's on the lunch menu. You're going during breakfast menu. Still amazing options. But because you've been awake since four, you're ready for lunch.

Yeah, I'm ready for a G&T and some poutine. Yeah, well, friend James, who we all know, he, we went the last time, we went to feed. The man that hung your knickers by the gusset. He hung them by the pouch We went hung over there Recently and he tried to order poutine At I believe 8.45 in the morning

Absolutely What? Too early It's a 9.30 early He was told on no uncertain terms They do not do poutine at that time How early? there's a fried potato option for every time of the day and i don't believe fries fries kick until a 9 30 10

and that's just my traditional adherence to a breakfast menu at a takeaway you live in life like a square vaughn i know i you know someone i've got to have some sort of form to this life otherwise i'd just be one of those fish they fish fish up from the deep, and then the pressure's gone, and he loses his form. What's the difference between a rosti and a fry? But that's, okay, that's what I said, fried potato options for every time of the day. To me, a hash brown's a breakfast fry.

Then you move into your waffle fries, which is just pretty much fries smashed in a waffle. Then fries come at about 10, 10.30. But then 11.30 about 10, 10.30. But then 11.30 feels like too late. Your breakfast menu transitions into your brunchy

lunchy menu at around about 10. Not 11.30. Who's having lunch at 10? No, but it's a brunch lunch option. Yeah, but brunch is the menu that's available to you there. It's still egg-based. Yeah. Brunch is still very much egg-based.

And what lunch moves away from an egg-based menu? Lunch is when you head in towards your burgers. Your meats. Your meats, your pizzas, your breads. Your meats, your breads. Rather than your... And continues as such till dinner. Yeah, I'll give you that.

Well, good luck with that. Why don't you just go to Non Olds and get some fries? Non Olds. Maybe. Do I get hash browns And then just BYO Maggi Sashay Yes

Oh gravy Yes You're gonna need some mash tape And then a block of EDAM Sure Yes You can put cheese through it Okay

No I'm wrong there I'm wrong I said you'll need some mash tape You won't Now I got confused With the potato and gravy I got all excited It's the chips

And the potato The gravy Get some mozzarella Yeah Count that on Yeah Yes Sorted

Good stuff And now we'll change The show's sponsor Thanks to McCafe Try the refreshing McCafe iced coffee Available now at Nonald's

Nonald's Nonald's Go to Nonald's Play ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Thanks Rachel Good morning Welcome to the show

Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Not today, it's not. Well, it is. It's two minutes past six. Believe it when I say it. Yeah.

More media lies about what time it is and I'm just supposed to subscribe to this 24-hour-a-day time. Yeah, right, media scum. Next thing you'll be wanting me to adhere to this seven-day-a-week Gregorian calendar. Wow. Think again. Weren't you at the beach at an anti-vax picnic yesterday?

You were. I saw you there. A coincidence. You were waving that flag proudly. No, I actually, on the way, I stopped at a med lab and picked up a whole lot of positive Omicron slides and I slipped them into their sandwiches. So we'll see if the virus exists.

No, I didn't do that. But I drove past, yeah, there was some sort of dickhead rally going on and I was like, hey, cool, man. You enjoy it, eh? Ha, ha, ha, ha. And the it, eh? Ha, ha, ha. And the kid said, what does that mean? And I said, dickheads. And then we had a great time at the beach,

so don't let them ruin your day. Yeah, nice. Yeah. Yeah, nice. That's what happened. You picked up a bit of seaweed, didn't you? I did. I picked up a lot of seaweed. Fascinating stuff, seaweed.

I'm glad you brought it up. I've got ten solid minutes on seaweed. I hate it. I hate it to touch me. I hate it to enter my mouth. Why is it entering your mouth? Or sushi? Oh, you're right. I don't imagine you on the beach sucking on a piece of

kelp. Nutrients. I don't mind sushi. I'm a new sushi enjoyer, but I prefer sushi without the nori. Yeah, nigiri. Do you like those little, you buy them in the packs, the little sheets? No. My sheets.

Who knows? I love those. They're so yum. Nori sheets? Yeah. They're so yum. I picked up all the seaweed because I'm going to make some fertilizer with it because apparently it's absolutely stonkers for your garden.

Right. Especially the kumara. Grade four. Kumara. Oh, okay. So I picked up a couple of sacks full. Heaps of people said, it's not a body, is it?

As I was dragging the sacks. I'd be like, imagine if it was. Fascinating. It was dry, crusty, cracky dry. Got it home,

put it in a wheelbarrow, filled the wheelbarrow out with water and then within 10 minutes it was just back to be slippery, slimy seaweed. And then you hydrated just like that.

You just poke it into your garden well you can there's various ways of producing seaweed food you pop it in your Nutribullet you could

you absolutely could sprinkle it around you absolutely could right imagine your chalk protein smoothie the next day well I cracked a bit off

and gave some to the pigs and they fiended it maybe because it was a salty delicious snack maybe because they're pigs and they fiended it. Maybe because it was a salty, delicious snack. Maybe because they're pigs. And cows that eat seaweed produce 25% less methane than cows that eat primarily a grass-based diet. Yeah.

So give them sushi too. Let the cows roam. I'm going to take my cows to the beach next time. I'm not. That would be a stupid idea. They'd run away and I'd never get them back. Oh. Hey, is Hermione pregnant?

Don't know. Can't get her to pee on the stick. Damn it. No. Yeah, I don't know. We're just waiting to see signs of pregnancy. She starts getting all aggressive. She's blowing out in like a specific part of the...

She's kind of chubs. Blowing out. Yeah, right. But she blows out. Her ankles swell up. She gets a bit shitty. Yeah. She doesn't want me to go out and have a few drinks with the boys. Sore on the nips. Yeah, right. She blows out. Her ankles swell up. She gets a bit shitty. Yeah. She doesn't want me to go out and have a few drinks with the boys.

Sore on the nips. Yeah. Yeah. She starts getting obsessed with what colour she wants to paint the fences. Oh, yeah. That sort of nesting period. All right, coming up on the show, Add to Cart is back again this morning, 8 o'clock.

The first item that we'll add to our virtual shopping cart. You've got to keep track of all the items throughout the day and be the first caller through at 5 o'clock to win them all. So 8 o'clock for Add to Cart. The top six is coming up. Yeah, the top six ways to get Kiwis back on public transport in an effort to get the British using trains again after, you know, no one wants to be around humans they don't know

because of this pandemic. Yeah. They are offering bacon buddies. So a bacon sandwich to get back on a train. Shit, yeah. Imagine having one right now. Soft white bread, butter. Yeah.

And the butter is like melted through the bread because of how hot the bacon is. And it's like, there's a possibility you might get a butter drip on your t-shirt. All right. Top six coming up next on the show. All the men in the studio, I want your feet up on the table. I want to have a look at your shoe size. I've got a bit of a study for you. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I want your feet up on the table. I want to have a look at your shoe size. I've got a bit of a study for you.

I don't know why I get put with these studies as I've never elegantly gotten through one. There is always a first time. Making the room feel a little bit nervous about how I'm going to navigate this. But the NHS, National Health System, I guess. Is that it? In the UK. Yeah, service, yeah.

Have done a study that looks to settle the debate about whether or not there's a link between shoe size and willy size. Is that good? Yeah, yeah, yeah The NHS The bogged down Short of money Covid riddled Struggling national health system Has been like

You know what I'd like to know Some pervy doctor's like You know what I'd like to know Yeah Does the shoe size Equal the size of someone's penis Except they wouldn't spell it that because they're British. They're not some American cowboy.

Yeah. Well, I mean, it's a very old piece of rhetoric, isn't it? That big feet means big member. I thought that was good. It was more connected to the nose. Do you remember there's the triangle of your nose from the middle of your eyes down and around? Well, that's not very big.

No, no, no. That's what you call micro. It gets in. Just. Wow. Well, they did a whole study that looked at the length of the male genitalia. Yeah. Is that good?

That's good, yeah. There you go. They've got an average of the group, which was 13 centimetres at rest. Okay, at rest. 13 centimetres at ease. At ease, soldier. But gently stretched. What? Ever so gently stretched was 13 centimetres.

And the average British shoe size for a man was a 9, a 43. That feels big. A 49 would be a US 10, right? No. Isn't it one under? Yes, it is. So, I'm a 41,

that's a men's 8. You got a big old dick. I got a big arm swinging like that. So, I got a big arm swinging like this. Yeah, so a UK so I'm a UK 11 and a half on this shoe and it's a US 12.

Yeah, yeah. So it's slightly under. Half of it. One or one and a half. See, because that's why sample size shoes are always a 9, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, basically their research concluded that there was absolutely no link between shoe size and schlong size. Penis length. Right. concluded that there was absolutely no link between shoe size and... Shlong size.

Penis length. Right. It's an absolute myth. I mean, I guess if you're going to find a man who's like seven foot tall and what rocks a pair of size 46, it would be surprising if he had a little. But even if his was average,

it would look small on the frame. Against the length of the leg. Versus if you saw a jockey, like a horse riding jockey, I refer to, the little fellows. I don't think they like being called little fellows. I think they do. But if you saw a little fellow, fresh from race three at Allersley, with an average size member, it would look significantly larger. It would. Because it's a little fellow with an average versus a big fellow

with an average, which would look somewhat underwhelming. It's why you keep your cubes trimmed. That's why you do. It makes the tree look bigger. Trim them right back. Yeah, yeah, trim them right back. Well, they say that penis size is actually determined by a combination of genetics.

Who do you get? That's interesting. And environmental factors that mostly happen in utero. So by the time you come out, it's already determined. It's decided. Yeah. Does it say who you get, who you inherit that from? Is it a mother's side or a father's side?

Who do you inherit? They say baldness comes from your mother's side or a father's side? Because they say baldness comes from your mother's side and that's linked to testosterone which is, I'm imagining also somewhat linked to. But then that's nonsense because the men on my mother's side, well not my mother's mother, they were all little bald Irish

men. Right, okay. Sex represents a side one's mother's side. Nah, it. Sex chromosomes decide one's biology. Nah, it doesn't say whether it's... I mean, I honestly can't see any danger in just having a quick skim read of the internet to get some scientific results. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's certainly no

precedent to hold it to, especially at present. Yeah. Someone doing their own research on the internet. Not citing source could possibly not be dangerous at all at the moment. Yeah, don't go to medical university. Just have a look on the internet. Yeah, easy. All right, 13 past six.

Ah, we started reading something in our house. Congratulations. Yeah, we've decided to read. We found Spot behind the flaps in all the books, so we've decided to read another book. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We have started in the Smith household. Oh, because what has been showing up?

TV2 on Sunday nights has been showing the Harry Potter movies, and in an effort to stay up late the other night, the girls were like, oh, but we love Harry Potter. Well, that sounded like Dobby. Harry Potter! Master Dobby. Harry Potter! Master Dobby, you suck! But I said, it was like, it was Order of the Phoenix. I was like, you can't start an Order of the Phoenix.

No, no, no. Order of the Phoenix is at the arse end of the Harry Potter. You've got so much story. In the first few, the set up, you can't have the Order of the Phoenix without the Prisoner of Azkaban. So I was like, we can't start the movies here. I said, if you want to watch the movies, I'm keen as. I'll watch all the movies with you.

But I said, but what we should do is read the books first because that's a great way to do it. And then you can be a purist and a bit snobby about seeing a movie and say, oh, don't start that part. And all that sort of thing that people who read books always say. Yeah.

So we read Harry Potter, the first chapter of The Philosopher's Stone. God, how long is this going to take? Ages. So long. It's going to take a long time.

They are thick books. It's going to take a long time. I did, for the first, like, chapter, I did The Voices. But the first chapter's easy.

Give us some of your best work. It's Mr. Dursley. He was just grumpy and British. He was like, Your sister's boy ain't coming here. That's bad. But you're reading this to the girls? Yeah.

Doing the voices? Yeah. Oh, okay. That will last for the first chapter, but then I was just like, I'm hurting my throat. It's too much. Can I hear you, Harry?

Harry's not, Harry hasn't talked yet. He didn't talk in the first. Harry doesn't turn up in Harry Potter for a while. Harry Potter turns up, but he's a baby in the first chapter because his parents were killed by Voldemort. I'm just a little crying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bit. He doesn't even cry. He's so chill. He's just been literally like emblazoned on the forehead with a... Anyway, so I read that out. I went back out in the shower.

I was like, boy, you gave that a fair bit. Like, I must have been loud when I was doing it. Her way of saying, that was a bit much. That was a bit much. That was a bit much. And then she said, like, where do we sit? I'm like, what are you talking about? She's like, where do we sit with Harry Potter? Because J. talking about? She's like where do we sit with Harry Potter?

Because J.K. Rowling's like a tooth Oh yeah Like a pretty outspoken transphobe Trans-exclusionary radical feminist If you don't know what that means All four Feminism If you've read Harry Potter

You'd know that And Miley Granger One of the strongest characters One of the most flawless characters Of the whole thing All the female characters Very very strong and powerful, and she's been outspoken about that. But then it turns out she is transphobic.

So there's that whole thing. But then can you separate the artists from their work? It's the old Michael Jackson situation, isn't it? I mean, in the car. Michael Jackson's in the car only for me. So no one else can hear you listening to him? Yeah, but never in public. Yeah.

You wouldn't put Michael Jackson on if you were having a soiree. No, no, no, no, no, no. Not allowed in the house. Because you were doing your Come Dine With Me series with your friends. You could do a Michael Jackson theme. A Michael Jackson theme. Yeah. I don't know.

And for the entertainment, you get them to go and pick a whipping stick off the tree and you beat them just like Joe Jackson did the Jackson 5. That's a good idea. It's just a thought. But yeah, I know. But I mean, because Harry Potter, the books and the story and the world in itself is not transphobic. No.

Well, there's no prime examples of transphobia in it. Yeah, apart from absolutely not being present whatsoever. Yeah, true. Nah. Cancelled? Me? By proxy? Vaughn Smith. not being present whatsoever. Yeah, true. Nah. Cancel? Me? By proxy? Vaughn Smith.

Cancel? That's such good, like reading them again. I'm reading from the same book I read, first read Harry Potter from like over 20 years ago. Yeah, I remember reading them. I think I only got to number four. They got real big. Because I picked up,

when I was finding my Harry Potter books in this old box, I picked them out and I picked out the last one first, the Deathly Hallows. Yeah. And I was like, oh my God. Yeah, she's chunky. She's chunky, but then when I got down to the Philosopher's Stone, it was much thinner. Philosopher's Stone is thin.

Yeah, it was an easier read. Philosopher's Stone is my goal weight. I'm more of a prisoner of Azkaban at the moment. I'm a goblin of fire. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hi there. The Brits. The Brits have got a plan.

Get back on the trains. I would have thought that that Francois Bourgeois, Francis Bourgeois. Oh, your train guy. The train spotter. He would have got people humming for trains again and going on trains. But apparently it's not enough. They are going to be offering

free bacon sandwiches for people who get on trains. How? Where are they giving them? Where do you eat them? Because you can't eat on the tube. You just have a little, maybe a little station

outside the station with a barbecue and a... Yeah, maybe when you get off. Because you know when the tube, maybe a little station outside the station with a barbecue and a... Yeah, maybe when you get off. Because you know when the tube, when you get off, maybe there's one waiting for you there. Or it's more like the regional trains maybe? Yeah, intercity trains. Are you not allowed to eat on the tube? No.

I suppose that makes sense because there's so many people coming on and off and people drop their food and their wrappers and everything. It would be like rats. There'd be rats everywhere. Yeah. Probably already is. Let her smoke durries on the tube. Yeah, you're allowed to buy a dart. Imagine the days when you could smoke on the subways.

What? We used to be able to smoke on planes like 20 years ago. That's nuts. Man. Oh, man. Yeah, you hear about those planes and they're like, oh, actually this plane began service in the 60s. And you're like, man, this must have,

how did they get the smell of smoke out? For a breeze? I know, there's still ashtrays in the toilets. Yeah. So why were the top six ways to lure Kiwis back onto public transport after COVID? Because I think a lot of people have probably been put off. Or just onto public transport full stop.

Number six on the list. Custard squares on trains. How good would a custard square be on a train? Who made those custard Yeah. Number six on the list, custard squares on trains. Yeah. How good would a custard square be on a train? Who made those custard squares that we had at your house? Oh, my Auntie Eve. Auntie Eve. You should try an Auntie Eve custard square. That was delicious.

It's on the base, like a pastry and then a creme pat sort of custard filling. Yeah, and then another. Icing on top. And then lots of icing on top. Yeah, got us a bit thick icing. But you know, she's from Timaru and Den Heath Desserts, who I won't even enter into any debate, is the best custard squirrel.

It's in the bloodstream down there. At custard squares, when you're born in Timaru, you have to know how to make a custard squirrel. They make you move to Omuru. Yeah. Like, sorry, you can't get the custard to sit on a pastry base. You've got to leave. I hope steampunk's your thing.

Enjoy. Oh, Omuru. Number five on the list of the top six ways to lure Kiwis back onto public transport. Cheese scones on the bus. A hot cheese scone with a big gob of butter. And I tell you what, that cheese scone might have a bit of parsley in it too.

I love an herby cheese scone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chives, parsley. And when they cut it in half and they toast it. Yes. Not just microwave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chives. Yeah. Parsley. And when they cut it in half and they toast it. Yes. Not just microwave. Yeah, that's the stuff. Hello. That's the stuff.

Number four of the top six ways to lure Kiwis back onto public transport after Omicron. Pie of your choice on the ferry. Yeah. Yeah. Cold. I always imagine going on the ferries a lot like being a pirate at sea. Yeah. Constantly getting splashed in the face Or like the deadliest catch You're in a yellow raincoat

You're getting splashed in the face It's cold, it's miserable But you've got a pie in your hand So you're somewhat happier Pie of choice Where would I go? Mince and cheese You'd go for a classic mince and cheese?

I'd go steak and cheese It's a mince and cheese that decided it was chewable. Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six ways to lure Kiwis back onto public transport, lolly cake on the trams. Yes. Yeah, love a lolly cake.

A lolly cake is so good. How many trams are there left in Jesus Christ Church? Two. I consider the cable car in Wellington a tram. Now, I know that's a controversial opinion because that's a cable car. It says it in a tram. Now, I know that's a controversial opinion because that's a cable car. It says it in the name. Yeah, I know, but it ticks a lot of tram boxes for me.

Yeah. It's got big tram energy. It's got big tram energy. Yeah. Big tram energy. Number two on the list of the top six ways to lure Kiwis back into public transport are sausage rolls and a ride share. Oh.

So, you know, like a big van. But how are you doing that? The flakes. It's not your problem. It on a ride share. Oh. So you're not like a big van. But how are you doing that? The flakes. It's not your problem. It's a ride share. They'd have to have a hand vac. Yeah, you get out. I assume they just go through the car wash and when it gets to the blow cycle, they just

open all the windows and let the pastry just become one with nature. This is why Vaughan has a 3.2 Uber rating. Absolutely. Pastry is bad. I'm a pastry guy. Lots of flakes. Yeah, flaky pastry on the way home. No, if we're talking about my Uber rating being terrible,

it's because my wife vomited in one. And her friend Ashley vomited out the window of one. Even though, even though I said a hundred times, let us know if you feel like you're going to chunny, and we'll pull over. Hey, Harry. And Harry, the driver, was like, absolutely. That is my preferred way. And I said, they won't let us down, Harry. And I, the driver, was like, absolutely. That is my preferred way.

And I said, they won't let us down, Harry. And I tell you what, they did. They let us down. Wait, did they both do it on the same trip? Yes. Oh, my gosh. I knew it was going to happen. That's why I constantly went on and on.

Make sure you tell us if you're feeling sick. And make sure you tell us if you're feeling sick. That's celebrating what happens. Did you ever find out, like, Did you see your before and after Uber rating Before that ride No I don't know if that did affect it I was so apologetic

I cleaned it when he got to our house I like cleaned his Uber Inside and out He just sat on the stairs and texted people I was like so apologetic. Oh my god. And I still had to pay. Yeah. And so I think I did okay. I don't think it cost me too much. Every woman knows you sacrificed the handbag.

Chunny in your handbag. That's what happens. Yeah. Chunny in your handbag. And speaking of a chunny number one on the list of the top six ways to lure kiwis back onto public transport after Omicron. Reheated fish dinners on light rail. There's just a microwave and a stack of like last night's fish dinner and you get to reheat it in the microwave.

It's not going to work. That'll get people on that light rail that doesn't exist. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. A perfect intro to this study that looks at the safest and most distracting driving songs. Billy Eilish's Bad Guy is named the safest and most distracting driving songs. Billie Eilish's Bad Guy is named the safest driving song. I suppose because it's kind of chill.

And she's whispering. You're really concentrating. It's also got that... Like you might be running over the joints in the road. Because this is kind of hypnotic. But you don't want hypnotic music. This is surprising to me because it is very seductive. It seduces you into a very mellow state.

But apparently, according to Spotify data, they did a big study that looked at the... Songs you were listening to when suddenly breaking or swooping dramatically back onto the road. Not quite, not quite. But they looked at Spotify's 20 most popular driving playlists that had about 1,500 songs altogether on it, driving playlists.

And then they used three key scores to rank how distracting they would be. Dance ability, high energy, and emotionality. Okay. So songs that were high in those things were considered extremely distracting. Number one on the most distracting driving songs. One, two, three, go! My baby don't mess around

Because she loves it all And that's a no for sure Red light Who cares? Beep, beep, beep Man Hiya Most distracting song

I suppose because you're also going Yeah, taking your hands off the wheel Taking both hands off the wheel Yeah And you've got to shake it like a Polaroid picture Yeah One hand off the wheel You can't shake a Polaroid picture and drive at the same time

You just can't do it No, impossible But you can't listen to the song and not shake a Polaroid picture and drive at the same time. You just can't do it. But you can't listen to the song and not shake a Polaroid picture. So I get it. Mr. Brightside. Closely followed behind this. I guess because it just makes you want to rock out and sing. Least distracting, yeah, was Billie Eilish.

You've got Noah Cyrus and their Bruno Mars. A little bit calmer. Mr. Blue Sky, Electric Orchestra. Oh, the happiest song of all time. Mr. Blue Sky, Electric Orchestra. Oh, the happiest song of all time. The emotional thing makes sense to me. How emotionally

charged a song is. Well, you don't want to be crying if you're driving. You get the watery eyes. I listen to very aggressive music this morning. I was feeling a little bit I woke up aggressive and I thought I'd feed feeling a little bit, I woke up aggressive and I thought I'd feed the aggression. Why did you wake up aggressive?

I don't know. You fed the wolf. I'm a woman in 2022. Okay. And so you're driving to work. What are you listening to? This is what I was listening to. Jesus.

What is this? This is tall. So that guitar is very tall. And I had it on. Oh, there's a swear word, swear word. There you go, come back. You're good. Yeah, I just listened to some Tool this morning.

Full blast. My, what was in my side doors was rattling. Speakers? Yeah, no, no, the, like, what was like little bits and junk and stuff. Oh, right. Like your coins and yeah. Right, okay. Lollies and stuff. Oh, right. Like your coins and yeah. Right, okay. Lollies and stuff.

But I was very distracted. Hit someone, ran a red light. Yeah. That's tall, baby. Looked down at the speedo. You don't want to know what speedo I was going. 200. Yeah.

Is it always tall on the way to work? No, not always. It depends on the mood. Well, what was yesterday? Yesterday was Shania Twain. You're all over the show. It's a pendulum. I'm a mess. Oh, let's just let

Zed and I out. Let's go back to happy. Oh, yeah. Happy and distracting. That's happy and distracting. Play. Zed M's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, our metabolism is the subject of this voice break right now on the show. Okay.

Mine just turned off. Mine was like, nah, I'm done trying to work with you. I never had a great one. Even through my teenage years, I didn't have a great one. Because you always like, what would you say, like 25 it slows down? Is that kind of what everyone says? Yeah, the 25 handbrake. Yeah, it gets a little bit harder.

And then once you turn 30, everyone's like, oh. Good luck. Yeah. Good luck with that tyre. Yeah, it's not as easy to lose it, is it? No. Well, a whole bunch of researchers, part of an international team of scientists who analyse the average calories burned by more than nearly 7,000 people as they went about their daily lives.

They range in age from one week old to 95 and lived in 29 different countries. Jeepers. So a big sample here. Now, this doctor is saying that some people think of their teens and 20s as when calorie burning hits its peak. But the study shows that pound for pound, infants had the highest metabolic rates of all, babies. Makes sense because they just like eat and eat and eat and eat and eat. And poop and poop and poop.

And poop and poop and poop. So after infancy, a person's metabolism slows by about 3% each year until our 20s and then from there it levels off into a new normal. Is this my new normal? And so people's, apparently people's metabolism are more stable from their 20s through to their

50s. What? So what you go into your 20s with is what you'll have through your adult life. Yeah, and they say that the findings suggest that other factors would lie behind the so-called middle-aged spread. Stress. Eating more.

Yeah. Stopping giving a goddamn. More money, more problems. Yeah, stopping caring, those kind of things. And yeah, they say that the data suggests that our metabolisms don't really start to decline until after the age of things. And yeah, they say that the data suggests that our metabolisms don't really start to decline until after the age of 60. And then the slowdown is gradual, only 0.7% a year,

but a person in their 90s needs 26% fewer calories each day than someone in midlife. Oh, my nan's not eating, nan doesn't eat much anymore. Nans have like, you know, a bite of a muffin and they're done. They'll save that other half for later. Yeah. I feel like I'm getting hungrier and hungrier each year. Yeah.

But my body's not keeping up with that. I get hungrier and hungrier, but I can eat less and less. Yeah, same. Like when I get hungry, I get really hungry, but I can eat less. When we were like, buffets used to shudder when they saw our family coming for a Father's Day

or a Mother's Day feed because we'd just be like, here we go. We had techniques leading up to the buffet. And it didn't matter what kind of food. Remember my brother and I used to hoon a loaf of bread a day. In the school holidays, we'd wake up at like 1 p.m. in the afternoon, sit our ass on the couch and just eat a loaf of bread. Just plain bread. We'd toast it sometimes.

Sometimes we used to put cheese on it and microwave it. Oh, I love that. Do you remember doing that? We used to do that. And it used to get wet. It used to get wet and the crust would get rubbery.

Because you didn't want to wait to grill it in the oven because that could be like 20 minutes. No, it's 30 seconds. Who's got the time? No one's got the time. But we were just like lean string beings.

And then I reckon I, until I was like 30. Yeah. A couple of years ago. So you did it to yourself is what you're saying. Yeah, probably. Yeah, all that white bread with cheese on it. Oh, yum. In your teen years.

I would absolutely right now, like slice off some EDM cheese, put it on some white tip top super soft and microwave it. I'd do that right now, like slice off some EDM cheese, put it on some white tip-top super soft and microwave it. I'd do that right now and eat it. Yeah. The soggy bottom in a tough crust. Sprout. The soggy bottom with the tough crust. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Keeping up to date with the news just became a little easier. As at Herald's new podcast, the front page is your short, sharp, daily news podcast. Join me, Damien Venuto, every weekday morning as I chat with journalists and newsmakers, going behind the headlines to break down what you need to

know on the biggest news stories of the day. Listen to The Front Page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts, and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Silly Little Pole, Silly Little Pole, Silly Little Pole, Silly Little Pole, Silly Little Pole. Now, I did notice some bad feedback yesterday.

You shut up. That's what you say to people when they give you bad feedback. I did notice some bad feedback yesterday re the intro for Silly Little Pole. No. No, no, no. That wasn't bad feedback. Was it not? No, they said they can't get it out of their head.

That's what you want. No, that's bad. An earworm. That's bad. Yeah, that wasn't bad feedback. Was it not? No, they said they can't get it out of their head. That's what you want. No, that's bad, Warren. That's bad. Yeah, you want an earworm. Right, okay. Yeah. You want a song that when people are having quiet time, their brain's like, hey, it's quiet in here.

How about that silly little pole intro? I never want them to be able to listen to Dirty Little Secret ever again without hearing Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. We've ruined that song. Today's Silly Little Pole is some dishwasher cutlery etiquette. Okay. I'm ready to get rocked.

How do we feel about cutlery up or down in the dishwasher? Well, the results are 69% nice said up. That means if I'm holding a teaspoon, the teaspoon will go handle down, head of spoon up for maximum exposure. It's the only way. It's the only way because

then it gets clean. Yeah, if you've got the dirtiest bit in the bottom, it's not going to work. No. And then some people argue, oh, but what about sharp knives? You shouldn't wash those by hand. Yeah, what are you doing putting your knives in the dishwasher? That's what I would say back to you. I have on occasion reached into a basket and had a fork prong go between my nail and my finger.

Now, that's a constant reminder that I'm a terrible person and I need to pay attention to the task at hand. And that's, I'll happily take it. I also, our dishwasher basket is one that has all the individual holes so it only can go handled down. Oh, those are, I don't like those. We're getting a new one because of it. Yeah.

I'm not having a bar of that. It's perfectly fine. We're just getting a new one. Oh, it's brand new, but I'm not standing for it. I don't want to rub my wealth in anybody's face. But I will. I just getting a new one. Oh, it's brand new, but I'm not standing for it. I don't want to rub my wealth in anybody's face. But I will. I'm getting a new dishwasher. I've got a lay down top drawer.

Damn. Yeah. Did you get the lay down because of me? No, I got the lay down because it was just the option that was. No, you got it because you liked my dishwasher. To be totally honest, I think sometimes the basket does a better job. Nah, it doesn't. Because I.

Well, sir, I'll agree with you there. I think sometimes the basket does a better job. Nah, it doesn't. Because I... Well, sir, I'll agree and disagree with you there. I think sometimes the basket does a good job. You can't overload a basket. Well, yeah, that's the problem people have is that spoons go into each other.

They kind of spoon each other, don't they? They spoon, spoon. They spoon, spoon. And jam the dirt in between them. And forks, forks. I'm probably like you, Vaughn.

I'll always rinse stuff before the dishwasher. Yeah, I'm like, well, I have a dishwasher. I'd imagine you... You are already essentially washing said dishes before you put them in a dishwasher. Okay, here's... Say you've got a spoon of...

I reckon she'd have a smelly and sinker right at home. Yeah, she would. I don't have an and sinker right at home. But if you have, you had an and sinker right at home previously? Stinks. Stinky and sinker right at home. I can tell. Lots going in there.

She's not doing the scrape off. It's all going straight in the insincorator. Say you had a knife or a spoon and there's a bit of peanut butter on it and it's been on the bench for like a couple of hours. Would you rinse that or would you put it into the dishwasher? I'd probably give that a rinse. No, that needs a full scrub. That needs a scrub.

Well, then why put it in the dishwasher? You've scrubbed it. Put it back in the drawer. Well, put it back in the drawer then. But don't put it in there with baked on peanut butter. Because a dishwasher can't do everything. What are they there for? I reckon you'd put pots in a dishwasher.

No, I wouldn't. Don't put that on me. I would never put a pot in a dishwasher. Okay. Ever put something with a wooden handle in the dishwasher? I have. You son of a bitch. I have. You monster. You absolute monster.

Well, some messages in regarding the cutlery up or down debate. Now, silly little poll today. Aaron says, you just can't bring up this simple up or down. Dishwasher stacking is an art form and it needs to be treated as such. Stabby stabby knives always go down. Don't want any accidental impalements. Good call. Everything else is fair game,

but I go up so you can tell what things are before you grab them. Optimal efficiency for putting away. Bonus points if you put a different type of cutlery in each segment of the cutlery. Think, who's not separating their cutlery? One segment of the basket is, of course, for all the forks.

Who's got this time? As Aaron has said, it's an art form. It's the only apartheid I'll stand for. I'll disagree because if you have all spoons together, they'll spoon each other. You do need to have a difference, I reckon. A difference helps. Because a knife's not going to, you know,

knives go up against each other, whereas a fork, there's a bit of bend. They rattle around. I'm just thinking for sake of ease at the end, grab the whole thing, give it a flick, back in the cutlery drawer, easy peasy. Give it a flick so your dishwasher's not even drying them. What are these for? They're not even washing them.

No, because I don't leave it. They're not even drying them. If I'm unstacking, if I hear the did it, I'm done. Oh, no, you leave it for hours. You've got to let it heat up and dry. Yeah. You guys have got too much time on your hands to be sitting around. I can't bear to think of those poor little forks in there suffering in the humidity.

Yeah. They're drying. Gemma says, I thought that the ups were psychopaths, but they're a majority. So am I the psychopath? Yeah, you are. You are the psychopath. You're in the minority. Yeah, Carl has messaged and he's saying we've got a dish drawer because we're bougie.

Oh, yeah. But do dish drawers do. But dish drawers do. But dish drawers don't have the dish tray. No, you've still got your cutlery tray. You've got the basket. So that was just a flex of. That was just a flex. A flex of having a dish drawer.

I would say it's more bougie than a flip down. Sylvia says, we've got cutlery from Country Road. My name's Sylvia and I'm the Queen of England. I've got country road cutlery. It's a country road and buys cutlery. I'm a real posh country road cutlery gal. And the instructions that came with were to stack them down in the dishwasher. No, country Road wrong.

Country Road are wrong, wrong, wrong. What's Country Road's cover is like? Kmart didn't give me instructions. Kmart were just like, have it. Kmart are like, if this goes rusty, just come back and buy some more for a dollar. Yeah, use it once, chuck it in the bin. Kmart knows it's consumers. It's like, just don't put fork and power on

wall. And Maxine says, depends on the machine and where the jets are. I will specifically choose up or down regarding what the more powerful looking jet is. Yeah, but if there's a basket in the way, the jet's not going to... Do too much.

If there are jets above and below, then cutlery down so you don't stab yourself. But otherwise, it's cutlery up. Okay. Cutlery down is just wrong. It's a mess down there at the bottom of that basket. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, there's the feedback and a, well, not an overwhelming majority,

but just over two-thirds of people. It would be enough to get us a majority in Parliament. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. We'd have all the seats, wouldn't we? 69% up, cutlery up. Yeah. Next on the show, five signs that you've found the one.

I've got them. And none of them have landed with me. Okay. And you're engaged. And I am. So this is awkward. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Well, a gaggle. I think that's how you collect these people, a gaggle of matchmakers, therapists and psychologists. It's actually a herd. It's a herd, is it? A herd of matchmakers, therapists and psychologists have come together to write a report and they shared the five subtle signs

that you have found your one, your person. Okay. The one for you. I won't say soulmate because I don't believe in it. But the one that you have found your one, your person. Okay. The one for you. I won't say soulmate because I don't believe in it. But the one that you... Just keeping options open for the second marriage. I'm always open. Yeah.

Number one. Like a Petra station. I am. Always open. Yeah, but you've got night pay. You've got to put it through the slot. There's a certain amount where you've got to put it through the little slot. Yeah, you do.

Number one on this list, you love being together, but you encourage your partner to have a separate life outside of your relationship. Now, Aaron and I, we prefer to be apart. You do do apart very well. We thrive on distance.

Lockdowns. But not too long, right? Oh, no, it's good to miss someone. Yeah. You have to let it linger. You know what I mean? You've got to sort of miss them a little bit.

Do you think you'll be one of those couples like later in life when you're married that you'll just live in Italy for four years and come back every now and again and see him? Yeah, probably. I think Aaron wants to live in the bush and I'm a city gal. And I think there's a version of our life in which we'll do both. Right. And then to see him like three times a year.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, right. He has got big bushman energy. Yeah, he'll catch trying to see me. He has got big Bushman energy. He does have big Bushman energy, yeah. So yeah, you love spending time together, but you're also happy for them to have their own life. Number two, there's an instant feeling of familiarity. So when you meet them, you're like,

I feel like I know you. I feel like we've met before. Don't know if that's true. Like old souls? Yeah I still don't really feel like I know the guy 11 years in Yeah

Sometimes I look at him like Who are you? It's because of his big bush energy It's his big bush energy Did you find that with your wife, Sade? Nah Instant familiarity? Sometimes I think I'm having a mental breakdown

Right Because I get that I've known We've been together for this year Like 18 years Yeah But sometimes She'll look at me

And I'll look her straight in the eye And I'll be like Who's that? Like Not who's that I know it's Sade But who's that person in there? Oh right

But you just get a little Who are you actually? Yeah yeah yeah Are you actually? Yeah and then See I think I'm having A psychiatric Psychotic breakdown

A psychotic episode Yeah right It was a moment of familiarity It only lasts like a little bit But it's like It echoes Right And then, see, I think I'm having a psychiatric episode. A psychotic breakdown. A psychotic episode. Yeah, right. It was a moment of familiarity. It only lasts a little bit, but it echoes. Right. That sounds weird. It does sound weird. I'm on board with that.

I'm explaining it. I'm the same. I look at Aaron and I think, I'll never truly know who you are. Yeah. Whereas, I'll look at my kids and I'll be like, I know them. Right. And I'll look at my family and I'll be like, I know them. But sometimes you just catch your partner just a little bit in the eye

and you're like I haven't known you your whole life it feels like I have like you've missed a bit where they could have been a former spy you don't know their past life

is that what you mean maybe a Mr. and Mrs. Smith situation yeah there was a moment I don't know how she would have worked that in with her job at Lippy but

I'm sure she could have I had a moment of instant familiarity she could have been passing on Lippy information to the Chinese government. To Wildpair. Yeah. Who I believe were owned by the same company.

Yeah, right, okay. She is Lippy. The only feeling of instant familiarity with Aaron was when we had to work out if we were related. Because his mum looks a lot like my dad's family. And his dad looks a lot like my dad's family and his dad looks a lot like my mum's family and they're from Dargaville, both from Dargaville, small town. So we were like,

should we just check this? Before or after you'd? Yeah, the results were inconclusive. Number three on this list. So ignorance is bliss. Too late now. Until you have your children. Number three,

you're okay with being bored in each other's company I think this is big in friendship And this is absolutely essential in a partner That you can sit and do nothing And not talk and just sit Yeah, I can't be I can't be bored, I can't just sit But I think that's more of a me thing than an us issue.

So if I'm bored, I'll be like, say something. I do want to play charades. Do you want to play tell me all the things you like about me? Number four, you fight fear. You fight fear. They're not always going to be in the honeymoon phase, your relationship. So when you fight, you fight fear. You're not nasty.

You're not mean. Oh, no, you fight dirty. Oh, yeah.. You're not mean. Oh no, you fight dirty. Oh yeah, I'm like, we fight filthy. Load up something that you know is going to hit and you're going to resonate with them and they're going to be thinking about it for six months. I just pocket things. I'm like, I'll use that ladder. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You call me that now? Alright, well hold on to that. I'm just like, hmm. But I thought you said I was a... Yeah, but... Do you remember in was a. Yeah, but. Yeah. God. Do you remember in 2017 when you said. Yeah. Yeah. Remember before we met and you did this thing?

Yeah. And the final one on this list of signs you have found the one, they're affectionate and not just because they're angling for some hanky panky. I mean, you'd hope that was true. Yeah. That they give you sweet compliments out of nowhere or little taps on the bum. When no one is looking.

Little taps on the bum. We're at the point where my goal now is to insert my finger in Aaron's bum in public. That's the stage we're at. Wow. Wow We're affectionate Jesus Christ Yeah so I guess I relate with that one When did you last try that in public?

Only a couple of days ago It's the funniest thing to me For him to just be in the supermarket and for me to try to put my finger inside his anus. It's a sign of affection. Yeah, okay. And intimacy.

You're going to get a restraining order from New World if you keep that up. Yes. The weird and wonderful things that you see on your local Facebook page, it's community notices. Yes. Sent in by you, for you. What's the other part?

For the people, by the people. Something the people. Of the people? Of the people. When the people. Win the people. Those Romans hit away with words. They really did. Probably sounded better in Latin.

From the Mount Maunganui Notice Board, Zion writes, Who lives at 59 Farm Street at the Mount? They own a 2001 Ford Focus. Some out of it, C word, put their car in my name. He just got a certificate of registration. What? Different address, but his name. He just got a certificate of registration. What? Different address, but his name. Oh, okay, wow. He's like, this doesn't

work for me. Just sounds like a little admin error there. Because I don't have a 2001 Ford Focus. Because it is always weird when you sell a car that you just fill out that form, send it away. I know, done. You could do that for anyone, right? Yeah, there's no authority to do so. Yeah. That would be a good little thing to do to an enemy.

Re-register their car. To another enemy. Yeah. And then... Bog them down in paperwork. Yes. Oh, my God. If I was a Marvel superhero, my arch nemesis would be Admin Man,

and I'd just get home and there'd be so much admin to take care of. I'd be like, I just don't have time. Yeah. Assistant, take care of this. And the robot's like, this is a matter you need to take care of personally. I'd be like, no! Admin man! I feel like that film won't do

as well. Yeah, I don't even think they'll call you up for the big movies. No. To be honest. Aww. Should we call it admin man? Nah. No, I'm not Admin Man. Admin Man's my arch nemesis. I haven't even decided what I'm going to be yet.

Procrastinator guy. I'll get round to a soon. From the Rollerstein community page, Bridget writes, hey guys, you know how couriers around here deliver a lot of stuff to incorrect addresses?

Well, just a wee heads up. If you get a parcel addressed to me, Bridget, turn up at yours. Don't give the lollies or chocolates to your kids or parents because they're edibles. Oh dear. Also, if you're going to open someone else's mail and eat it all, that's on you. That's on you. Totally agree. If you do enjoy some,

don't make any plans for a day or two after consumption from my previous experience and do not, whatever you do, eat them all at once. See, this is why

I've never done edibles, but I couldn't because I love lollies too much. Oh yeah, you could just have one. I just nom all of them. I've got a story about edibles that would get me sued for defamation, even though I could prove it in a court of law by a well-known New Zealander.

I do love that story. Two well-known New Zealanders. I do love that story. It's horrible. Yeah. Yeah. Let's just say, no, not for me. Be careful out there, kids.

Yeah. All right, somebody commented on it, probably the best comment on it is like, I like to imagine a person's just eaten five of these and they're just sitting down on the couch to have a look at what's happening on Facebook. Another one from the Mountainunganui Notice Board. Yvonne is selling a handbag.

Oh, okay. For $280. Tauranga Bay of Plenty. It's a Stolen Girlfriends Club roll bag. New, it says. And she's got it laid out and of course it's Stolen Girlfriends so it says stolen on it.

To which Dakota has written, have you tried reporting it to the police? Completely misinterpreting. She might have had one of those chocolates we were just talking about before. Things aren't making a great lot of sense to her at the moment. Next up on the Hallsville community page,

Denzel writes, apologies for the extra bird noises on the speaker, Hallsville. Trying anything to silence that bloody parrot or whatever it is. First up, owl sounds. And then Denzel writes, Well, trying anything to silence that bloody parrot or whatever it is. First up, owl sounds. And then Denzel writes,

They must have had a bird in the area making an excessive amount of guffawing and cawing. So you put your speakers outside and play predator bird noises. Yeah. Wow, I never even thought about that. This is crazy. We had a sunflower once And when it died There was this specific sort of bird that came And just, there was like 50 of them And they were just going nuts

And I'd never seen this bird before Did some googling Found out what it was called Found its bird call online And just was like playing the noises And they were like looking around And then I pressed the panic The noise they make when it's like a panic flock

And they just went and never came back That's genius Yeah You can totally scare away birds With other bird sounds noise they make when it's like a panic flock. And they just went and never came back. That's genius. Yeah. You can totally scare away birds with other bird sounds. I just set my cat on them. We've got a very noisy ketidu in our house, so we just... Singing a song. Do not dare.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. That's one of my favourite birds. It's my favourite. It's my number one. It's a big, fatty, it's a big, fat, drunk bird. That's why it's your favourite. My bird. That's why it's your favourite. It would eat my cat. That's why it's your absolute favourite, eh?

Because it's a big fat drunk. And finally from the Walkworth page, attention singles. Hello. Now, I feel like this is Cara left her Facebook logged on and someone's decided on her behalf to advertise her as a partner.

Are we still doing that? I know. It's very surprising. I've had no luck meeting the future father of my children locally although I came pretty close out the back of the Grange

this one time so I thought I'd go for it and put my luck up try my luck here. I'm Cara I'm 30 and I'm fully toilet trained. My special skills include

being able to eat an entire rotisserie chicken before leaving the Countdown car park. I enjoy long sunset walks to the booze shop and the tinkling sound that my wine bottles make

when I put them in the neighbour's wheelie bin. I'm just looking for a guy who won't cheat on me with half of Rodney like my ex-dropkick did, who I'm still friends with but he's totally

not a threat to you. Hit me up. I'm a catch. See, I feel like that's definitely a friend advertising. Yeah. That's sort of semi-reluctant. That's not biographical, is it?

No. Was it autobiographical? Autobiographical is where you do it yourself. Yeah, autobiographical. It's far more biographical. Those are today's community notices. If you see anything on your local Facebook page that tickles your fancy,

screen cap it and send it to us. FVHZM on Facebook, Instagram, and all that. We've got a TikTok, hey. We've got a TikTok. We're down with the kids. We've got a TikTok. Look at you turning around to look at the young people. We've got a TikTok, hey. We've got a

bloody clock pop. Tok tok. Are you guys on the tok tok? I do some dances on the tok tok. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. ZM's I Spy with OPSM. All right, it's your chance every day. We're doing this for the next few weeks to win with our game I Spy. All thanks to OPSM.

At OPSM, Southern Cross Health Insurance members can double their discount today. So... Today we're in Cape Rieger. Yep. Famous landmarks playing I Spy. Rebecca, good morning. Good morning. I spied with my little eyed, something beginning with L. What do you think it is?

Lighthouse? Are you sure? It seems a bit obvious Yes It might be Kind of the only thing there The only thing there Anacapa

At least it was going to be Lycan Growing Yeah or Waves Free and wild Waves doesn't start with L Yeah you could have Gone the other direction

But I meant I meant the The only things Yeah but at least I stuck with the I start with my little I start with L

Waves Do you know how to play I'm going with L. Waves. Do you know how to play this game, Fletch? Little Waves? Little Waves. No, I'm glad I didn't let you down. No, you got it right. Well done. Well, congratulations, Rebecca.

$250 cash is yours, and we've got a $200 OPSM voucher as well. Well done. Oh, thank you so much. That's awesome. Play again tomorrow at 7.30. Chance to win some cash and some OPSM credit. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

There's CCTV footage of this if you want to look it up. Oh, it's good. CCTV footage has been released of a man, a naked man. He was wearing jandals, though. Now, the video I saw of this, somebody had edited an eggplant emoji over his... Over his wang-a-ding-a-ding-a. Are you looking at the uncensored? No, this one I'm looking at's a blur.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So he got out of his van and went in and paid for petrol. So he was naked driving. Right. And called into the servo, had sunnies on. And he's acting like everything's normal. He's acting like he's wearing clothes.

Yeah. So he is full, nothing below the waist, nothing above the waist. Nah. Other than a set of jandies. Jandies and sunglasses. So he's slip-slaped, presumably, slapped and wrapped. Which one's the T-shirt? Slip on a T-shirt.

So he hasn't done that. He's slop, slapped and wrapped. Jeepers. Don't start with a slop. You don't always start with a slap. You don't want to slop when you've got no pants on. No. Don't you want to slip when you've got no pants on?

I was going to say if he's on vinyl seats, there'd be a lot of slipping. There'd be slip, slap, slap, wrap and stick. You hope he's on vinyl seats, there'd be a lot of slipping. There'd be slip, slap, slap, rack and stick. You hope he's on vinyl seats. Peeling himself off. Why wouldn't you pay at the pump if you were naked? You're still going to get out to pay at the pump. It's old school.

Yeah, but it's less visible, isn't it? He looks to have paid by... Oh no, he's holding it and he's putting in... So he might have a card inserted rather than a pay wave. He's holding one and putting it where? The F-Boss machine. Right. Yeah. And the staff at the... It's? The F-Boss machine. Okay. Right. Yeah.

And the staff at the, it's very hard because it's just like security footage. The staff had just processed the payment, don't they? They're not. Yep. The guy's just like trying to be cool, trying to be cool about it. This happened yesterday, the news broke in Australia. Have we had a follow-up on this? I haven't found any follow-ups of the naked man in the service station.

What? Why? Is there any? There's no explanation. No, he's just a man that finds it might be too hot for clothes. Or he's like a nudist. Yeah, there's not just Sydney servo worker baffled as nude man pays for petrol. Naked man filmed paying for fuel at Sydney petrol station.

No follow-up I can find. As to why? It got us thinking about where you have seen a naked person that you did not expect to see a naked person. You ran into a nude. Was there a nude in the wild and you were like, I wasn't expecting.

I reckon courier drivers would have this all the time. You're in someone's house. You're in someone's house. You're in someone's private property, so you're semi-expecting the nakedness. That's somebody's castle, you know? But not at a service station. No.

I have a friend, because I don't think I have a good story, so I'll share a friend's story as if it was my own. Okay. Who used to work in a hotel, like doing late night shifts in a hotel. You would see things working in a hotel. Yeah, and once he was walking down the hallway of a thing, like doing late night shifts in a hotel. You would see things working in a hotel. Yeah. And once he was walking down the hallway of a thing

and the nude guy came like, got pushed out of the room and closed the door. And then my friend was there and was like, hi. And the guy was like holding himself going, oh, hey, do you have a, like a master key to the thing? And my friend was like, yeah, he did.

And he opened it and his wife, it was like they were on a new, like newlyweds and they were playing a game and she'd pushed her naked husband out. Oh, so she wasn't like an angry. Like, ha, ha, ha. No, no, no, no. They were like being playful. Ah. But he was yelling. But just a nude guy in the hallway. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't think I've seen a nude out in the wild. That's my worst nightmare is, you know, when you're at your own home, you've got the autopilot to the toilet? Yes. And I sleep nude. Yes. And that's my absolute worst nightmare is being at a hotel and taking the wrong exit

and being in the hallway. In the hallway. And then no card. And then no card and you're nude. And you're like, what do you do? You have to go down to reception.

Just cupping. It happened to Timaru's favourite son, Josh Thompson. He's got a story he wanted out of the wrong door, naked and slept in the janitor's cupboard down the hallway. That's right. Because he was too drunk and too embarrassed to go down to reception to get another key.

All right, well, give us a call. 0800 DALES.M. You can text him as well, 9696. When did you run into somebody that was nude? A Sydney man went in to pay for petrol completely naked and then just walked out. Like it ain't no thing. He did meet the OSH regulations of having something on his feet.

Jandals. He had jandals. He had sunglasses on. We want to know when you've run into somebody nude. Not obviously not you nude. Shay messaged on Instagram saying, doing the paper run as a kid and the neighbour ran out of the door fully nude. Oh, okay.

Trot down to the mailbox. Courtney, how's this? This is just not good enough information for me. I physically ran into a naked Warriors player. My face bounced off the oiled up chest. Now, why was it oiled up? We're going to need some more details. When did this happen?

Who? Yeah, who ideally? Where? What was the situation? Yeah. Downstairs? Do you mean pubes? Either or.

Okay. Just the whole situation? Just the general situation. Just a breakdown. Okay. Hannah said delivering food for room service. People answered the door nude. Way more than you'd think.

Are they not thinking? Or are they doing it to get a response? You know, people get off on that kind of thing? Yeah, probably Yeah I personally don't know No, me neither My partner ran into his teacher on a nude beach

She was fully naked Pete, when did you run into someone who was naked? She was fully naked. And? Pete, when did you run into someone who was naked? Yeah, we were just up at Foxtane for a wee holiday and my teenage daughter and I were wandering along the beach and out of the surf comes this naked dude and as he looked down towards us, he rushed into the bushes and pulled the towel off. Oh.

And then after we'd walked past him, my daughter going, I was completely naked and he kind of just followed us for the rest of the time we were walking along the beach. Oh, no, no, no, no.

A beach pest. sand-based pest. This is what you were saying. Thanks, Pete. This is what you were saying. Yesterday, you could easily, the beach near you, you could go naked. We were out at Mutawai, and I was like, there's the beach that they patrol,

and then there's where you can drive onto the beach, but there's about a K and a half in between. If you went right in the middle and, you know, you wanted a quick naked dip, absolutely, you could. Oh, no, no, no. It's the getting back out that's the issue, isn't it? I think you tell. Just do a quick sprint. Sade was like, oh, imagine the

freedom. I was like, if you want to do it, do it. She was like, I simply couldn't. I was like, come on, live a little. Get your baps out, Sade. Come on, love. We want to know when you've run into somebody naked. A Sydney man walked in, paid for petrol, he walked into the store, didn't get any two

for one chocolate bars, and walked straight out. Just paid for fuel and walked out and everyone's like, okay, that happened. My mum just reminded me of a trip where we saw someone naked. It was in Kewmew actually, and we were driving up- Well, man, what do I do out of my own neighbourhood, my own business? No, we were driving up the main highway to get through Kumeo up to Dargaville. And it was me, Aaron, Mum and Dad. And we all looked up to the right and there was a company,

like a building company, construction company. And they were obviously having their office work due. And there were a bunch of men standing around with beers in hands. And there was a full naked, top-bott bottom stripper against the window. Like her bum against the window. Who gets a stripper at a Christmas party? It's not 1987.

It was wild. We were like, look at that! And she was full naked. I didn't run into her. But you saw her out the window. Lots of messages coming in. You know what people are, there's a few messages in about naked bushwalks.

I was going for a bushwalk and I saw a group of naked people, 10 or so of them, going for a walk through the bush. You know, wearing boots, but that was all. That's it, yeah.

Yeah. Imagine the chaffage. You'd need a lot of talc. Yeah. Some bass. Some bass. Do you reckon a bit of bass? But never bass and talc. The trouble is with the bass. You'll have a lot of talc. Yeah. Some vas. Some vas. Do you reckon a bit of vas? But never vas and talc.

The trouble is with the vas. You'll have a paste between your legs. Yeah, if you vas and go for a naked bush, all the little sand plies will get stuck in your vas. Oh, you don't want that. I don't want anything getting stuck in my vas. No, but if you talc, it could become too much for the talc. You'd have to take extra talc.

Yeah. I'd rather vas, personally. Get a bit of dust in your vases. As you say, that could be problematic. Katie messaged in saying, oh, me too. I ran into a naked man on a public walking track at Cooper's Beach. He had an all-over tan. This was not his first rodeo.

No. Absolutely not the first rodeo. Yeah, lots of people coming across naked people. We didn't get Girl Guide. No. I was selling Girl Guide biscuits to an eight-year-old, and a guy answered the door, and I said, would you like to buy some biscuits?

And he's like, oh, you'll have to ask my wife. Come through. And he showed me through, and his wife was naked in the bath, and she was shocked to have me in there as much as I was shocked to be there. But I was a Girl Guide trying to sell biscuits, so I gave her the sales pitch. Well, you got your creepy old couple badge. There you go.

Yeah. Did they buy any biscuits? They better. Oh, yeah, I think she sold them. Oh, that's all right. You probably just buy some biscuits to get the kid the hell out of your bathroom. Michael, when did you run into a naked person? Oh, it's a trucking down south, and I got picked up in Christchurch

and thought nothing of it. Just put my bag in his back seat and jumped in the front seat and I looked over and he was just wearing nothing. Just a full body tan. What? Oh, Michael. Did you? I would have got out of the car. It was too late.

I already had my bag in his back seat. Because I was thinking to myself silently before, like, nude bodies don't really freak me out. If I saw a nude in most situations, I'd be like, eh. But you jump into someone's car, they're driving, you can't escape from it?

That's a little bit different. That's a game changer. So, okay, so you sit down, you put your seatbelt on, and then you're like, all right, I'm going to Wanaka. Like, what next? Yeah.

Oh, he said it was from Dunedin. I don't know if that counts for anything. Probably does. No, he dropped me off, like, all right, I'm going to Wanaka. Like, what next? Oh, he said it was from Dunedin. I don't know if that counts for anything. Probably does. It does. He dropped me off like a few towns over and I was pretty happy to get out. Okay.

Wait, did you ask him? Did you say, where's your clothes? No, I kind of avoided the topic. It was like a funny smell in the car. I just didn't really want to open my mouth too much. Now we know what that smell is. What? Does anybody else want to know what his penis was like? Yeah, I see. I'll be keen. I just didn't really want to open my mouth too much. We know what that smell is.

What? Does anybody else want to know what his penis was like? Yeah, I seem to. I'd be keen. I'd be keen. Did you have a good look? No. It was like his seatbelt covered his meat,

but his two vegs were just popping out. What? He tucked the penis out? Interesting approach. Like a harness. Yeah. Amazing. Michael, thank you for sharing. I'm happy that you got out of that alive and unscathed. Like a harness. Amazing.

Michael, thank you for sharing. I'm happy that you got out of that alive and unscathed. Cheers, thanks. Some other text messages in. Someone said, I worked in pool maintenance for a few years and saw many naked people. The first couple of times it was a shock, but then, you know, if you arrived at somebody's house and you gave the front door a big knock

and then you walked around and you'd make yourself known. Yep. But sometimes even if they knew they were coming, some people wouldn't come around. Oh, those poor board housewives. You've got to get those tanning hours in. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody said, I was going for a walk along a beach once and I heard a motorbike coming.

Oh, yeah. So thought nothing of it, but kept going. And then the motorbike went past and the two people on it were completely naked. Naked on a motorbike. Naked, and there were two people on it, which means the person behind was straddled. Holding on. Far out.

Yeah, they were off for some hanky-panky. Holding on to the handbrake. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. ZM's Add to Cart. ZM's Add to Cart is back. If you don't know how this works, super easy.

We're going to add items to our virtual cart throughout the day. You've got to take note. Maybe, I don't know, make notes in your phone. Write it down if you're old school. And at 5 o'clock with Bree and Clint, if you're the first person through and you can name all the items in our cart, you win them all. So we'll give you items every day at 8 o'clock, so now, and also 11, 2 and 4.

I've got the 8 o'clock and I'm going to pretend I'm opening it because I've already opened it. You've had a peek this morning, haven't you? The first item in the cart. Oh, you don't look surprised at all. What? Oh my God.

It's a Dyson Airwrap. This is the most coveted hair tool on the market at the moment. It's the one where you sort of... I feel personally excluded from this. You hold it like this and your long, luscious, thick hair just whips around it on its own and then just pull it away, curls, boom. It's incredible.

It goes all by itself. So it's got like these little strips down it and they're like a vacuum and you hold it like this and it sucks your hair around it. Could I use it to eat spaghetti and noodles? Like grip some of the noodles and then push the button. How much are these? I don't know if you'd be putting that in your noodles. Oh, they're like $800.

Yeah. They're so expensive. But, they're like $800. Yeah. They're so expensive, but they're so cool. There you go, Dyson Airwrap. Alright, that is the first item. Add that to the cart. Georgia will give you the next item at 11 o'clock. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Had a funny wee dream last night

involving two absolute icons of New Zealand, the top twins. Okay. And I don't know how they entered the zeitgeist of my brain world. Because do you quite often, when you wake up, you're like, why was I dreaming of that person? Or why was that person in my dream? And it's because maybe you saw something on Facebook pop up or a friend mentions them. And then they're just in your dream the next night. Does that happen?

Yeah, it does. But I definitely wasn't thinking about the lovely top twins last night before I went to bed. Did you see two Bibble Bang spoons together? No, no spooning. Yodelling? No yodelling. Personal jinx?

No. So I went to bed very early, had a great sleep, woke up, and I was like, I must be four. It was two. Oh, that's good stuff. I love when that happens. So I closed my eyes and I went back to sleep. And this is when this dream occurred.

And I can't remember how it started. I didn't remember I had this dream until you mentioned something before and I was like, I dreamt about the top twins last night. Something happened and we'd had a big night and everyone was a bit drunk. A big night with the Top Twins. Big night. And we were in like an old villa, like a two-story ancient 1800s Gothic style villa. Oh my gosh.

And I was wandering around. Was it the Top Twins house? Because I'm assuming they live together. Yeah. Somebody who listens says that we mentioned the Top Twins the day during bed, I can guess your mum's name. So maybe there was a residual reverberation. The seed was planted. Anyway, in my

dream, I woke up, but I was in the dream, and I was in bed with, I think it was Linda. You were in bed with a top twin? What would Linda's partner think of this? I don't know. Well, she wasn't there. It was just Linda. Oh my gosh, that's even worse.

Were you kissing? No, no, no, no. She was asleep. I'd like woken up in the middle of the night in my dream and I had wet the bed. And I was like, oh no, this is terribly embarrassing. You'd wet Linda's bed? I'd wet Linda's bed. Right.

So then in the dream, I got up and I started wandering around this old mansion looking for a new bed to sleep in and then I went into another room and Jules was there and so I hopped into her bed. Well no you can't what about Jules' partner? But Jules' bed was already wet. Jules had already wet

the bed? I'm... And then I was just walking around this ancient villa with the top twins looking for a bed and they were all wet. Was it a damp old house? You said it was old and maybe it had a leaky roof.

I kept... There was one that someone had put like old duvets over and I kept feeling it. I was like, I can still tell that it's wet. Yeah. Did you wake up really needing to go to the bathroom? Because I have all these dreams about wetting the bed or finding toilets.

Yeah. And then you wake up and you're like, well, I'm definitely wet because I had so many dreams about wetting the bed. I think so. But I got woken up like in the dream, my alarm song started playing. Oh, yeah. And I sort of opened my eyes. And I did like immediately put my hands under my bum and go,

I must have wet the bed. Right. I hadn't. You didn't. You hadn't. I hadn't wet the bed. Anyway, what does it mean? Yeah, I don't know if you're going to interpret that dream.

I wet Linda's bed. No, I wet Linda's bed and then went to find another bed next to Jules and she had already wet hers. The bad bed was already wet. So either way, the top twins have to be airing out their beds today, is what you're saying. Drag the mattress out onto the deck for a bit of time in the sun. Give it a bit of a spritz with a spray and wipe or something.

A bit of Febreze. A bit of Febreze and air it out. Very weird dream. I hope to sort of come back to it tonight and figure it out. I love those dreams where, you know, unanswered. You never dip back into those ones, though. It's always the ones you don't want to go back into that you find yourself back in.

I'll always be left questioning. Okay, so I googled, what does a wedding the beard dream mean? A dream of beard wedding shows a connection with your own self-esteem or trust in yourself. If you're an adult and you dream of wedding the beard as a child, that also means something. I mean, I was a beard wetter, so it is tied to sort of childhood trauma. But I wasn't thinking about anything like that.

But it's about trust. So another site says it represents an unexpected mistake or mishap due to an inaction with a problem. Inaction, mishap, but why Jules and Linda? Why have you sullied the top twins? Why have I sullied the top twins' old antique beds in their gorgeous villa? Anyway, I don't know if they're listening, but Jules, Linda,

I'm really sorry. For what? I'm sorry to Jules. Linda, you did your own thing. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. If you're on dating apps, maybe chuck a quick spell check over those messages. Just a little proofread.

Yep. Over the messages you're sending. As a study has shown that over half of people find spelling mistakes, misplaced apostrophes, bad grammar, and general like mauling of the language are very unattractive. They wouldn't have survived the early 2000s then. Remember those flirty chats with like you're great. And Z's

on everything. Yeah, Z's on everything. No uppercase. But that was when we were running a tight text system when you were paying text. You were paying per text. Yeah. So you had to fit as much into that 20 cent 161 character message that you possibly could. That was just economy.

Who dis? H-U-D-I That was just economy. Who dis? H-U-D-I-S? Yeah. A-S-L? Age, sex, location? Yeah, of course. Yeah, right. I was always like, 19.

Jokes, I'm 12. Oh, my God. Yeah, you're a father of two daughters. Yeah. We'll be monitoring all that. There'll be no phones. We're moving to the bush. We're moving to the bush. We're in the middle of nowhere.

I don't know if you've noticed this in your... How long have you been knowing Vaughn? Three or four years. Have you known about his... I don't want to say the N word. He's a very... A stickler. I've pulled back. I've pulled back. I've pulled back. Have you? Yeah, yeah.

I see some now and I'm just like I'm not perfect. That's what I say to myself. I'm not perfect. Who am I to cast the first stone? Was it because that when you'd slip up, everyone would let you know. That's the thing about making a mistake when you're constantly pointing out other people's mistakes. They'll pounce.

There's nothing worse than pulling someone up on Facebook about their grammar and then someone highlights yours. And you're like, well, I guess I just die now. Yeah, yeah. I guess I am the trash that I'm trying to identify. But when I see a comment on like a news story or something that's having a go and they've used the wrong your, I'm like, I can't take you seriously. Yeah. Like you're trying to make a point here and you're not using the wrong your, I'm like, I can't take you seriously. Yeah. Like, you're trying to make a point here, and you're not using the right your.

That was the biggest. With their opinion, you won't notice it as much, probably. No. That is the most annoying thing that these singletons said would pop up. You're so pretty, possessive, not compressive. So they've used the wrong your, and that turns off daters. And then they said, there, there,

and there. There, there, and there, and where, and were. It annoys me sometimes if you go for a were, it'll turn it to a where. Yeah. You're like, that's where we were, and it goes, that's where we were, and it

goes, that's where we were. Yeah. Yeah, we are. What about a two? Yep, that's up there as well. Two, two. So what is it? And the overuse of exclamation marks and acronyms. Okay. So, A, no one's saying YOLO

anymore. Don't use that. Yeah, yeah. But OMG and LOL. I got that tattooed. Just pat. Damn it. Damn it. Just back that up a smidge. Right.

On the OMGs and the LOLs. How many people would let the bad grammar slide in this study? Well, over 58% of people said it was a problem. Yikes. And they'd notice it. But just over 50 would snub people because they found it so appalling. And how many of those didn't they snub because they were so hot they don't care if they used it at all? You'd overlook it.

Hot and dumb. Females more fussy than males when it comes to being turned off by bad grammar and spelling and punctuation. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, females are a little more likely.

So if you're a guy, just really run that spell check. Run that spell check. Have a wordly. Is it word? No. Grammarly.

Grammarly. Does that work on dating apps though? Does it work on anything on your phone? I don't know. I've only got it on my computer

and it's very handy. Yeah. I don't have it because I went to know. I've only got it on my computer. And it's very handy. Yeah. I don't have it because I went to Queen Margaret College. That's just in my head. Honours in English. Honours in English.

Right, okay. I'm on the board. I'm on the board but they spelt my name wrong. The irony. Honours in English but they made the spelling mistake.

It hurts still. That's good stuff. Play it. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and hurts still. That's good stuff. Play it. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is for the last 50 years, Donald Duck has had a superhero alter ego, but only in Italy. What?

Donald Duck. An alter ego? Of Walt Disney fame. Apparently they tried this. It was kind of like they gave it a go when superhero comics were like massive and they were like, let's give this a go. It was in like 1969 when they first tried this. They all had a go at being superheroes,

but it didn't really catch on anywhere. Okay. Apart from Italy. It was so popular in Italy that for the last 50 years, there's been a Donald Duck superhero comic specifically printed for Italy. And nowhere else. Nope.

Paparinnickic Which apparently translates I've probably said that awfully Maybe I should try it again But like How would Mario say It's me Mario Papyrinic

Papyrinic I I don't know if that's made it any better Papyrinic Silencio Bruno Papyrinic Yeah that's probably there That's there

And it kind of translates to Duck Avenger. And yeah, it tried it everywhere else in the UK. In the UK it was called Super Duck. Phantom Duck in Greece. And Duck Avenger in the US, but it just failed miserably. But for some reason, Italy really

sunk their teeth in and latched on to... What does he do? What's his weapon of choice? How does he avenge? But everything. He's kind of done... Everything. Just an all-rounder.

Yeah, he's an all-rounder. He's been in and out of space. He's been a street-level Batman-esque superhero. And then he's gone into space, travelled, you know, into Galaxial. That's it. You know, that's where you travel from one galaxy to another. Yeah. Into Galaxial. That's it. You know that's where you travel from one galaxy to another. Into Galaxial.

There was a video game in 2002 that was just absolutely tanked everywhere apart from... Italy. You bet your bottom dollar it's Italy. Italy just can't get enough of this Donald Duck superhero. But nowhere else. Nowhere else is it. He doesn't have superpowers. But nowhere else. He doesn't have

superpowers. He does sometimes. There seems to be absolutely no sort of like limit to his abilities. Yeah, continuity to it either. Sometimes he's got like superpowers. Sometimes he's just like skilled in martial arts. And is he wearing pants? Europe's...

One of these pictures he has but they're not compulsory. But Europe has a weird relationship with Donald Duck, because isn't it Denmark? Is it Denmark? It's one of the Scandinavian countries. The big Christmas Eve tradition is you sit down and you watch like six hours of Donald Duck

only cartoons. I've never heard that before. No, neither. You don't want Mickey Mouse. You don't want Goofy sullying the purity that is Donald Duck. It's got to be Donald Duck heavy cartoons and you've got to watch. It's definitely been

a fact of the day before. You're forgiven. It was before your time. But Fletch, your memory's fading. It's fading. It's fading. Yeah.

Are you getting enough Omegas? No. You ate a bit of fish? You ate a bit of fish last night. I'm surprised you forgot that. Hasn't kicked in yet. Yeah.

Yeah, got a bit of zinc. Yeah, well, I do a centrum every day. Do you do a centrum? Yeah, I do a centrum. Just a multi. Who got you onto the centrum? I don't know.

I've just always done a centrum. Because you do a Barocca, don't you? No, they do a men's. They do a men's centrum. It's all over. I wasn't aware of the men's centrum. Yeah, I do a Barocca. Yeah.

At the moment, I'm taking a slurp of a, what are those vitamin C sachets called? Wipospheric. Yeah. Hard bloody sachets to open. They've got a perforated thing, but they've also got a very heavy. You've got to use scissors. Look at the back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The overlap. Obviously, the machine that makes the sachets. Too heavy a seam on that. God, COVID's not getting you, is it? COVID's not getting you. No, it probably will. You've got to do your best to have your immune system up and going

with things such as the regulated vaccines. Yeah. Boosters, et cetera. All right. Not for me. Don't listen to what

they're telling you. Don't listen to what they're telling you. You are being sarcastic for those who are about to pounce on you. No, we're getting boosted

next week, baby. Yeah, we're going to boost today. A week today. A on you. No, we're getting boosted next week, buh-buh. Yeah, we're going to boost a date. A week today. A week today. Oh, that's exciting. Well, maybe we'll see you the next day.

Maybe we won't. Who knows how that's going to work. I'm going to get a lollipop this time. It's a really... Well, I told you my kids got a warehouse stationery voucher. These kids are getting gifts and lollipops and stuff and I'm getting nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It's been a real hard time for the old standard white guy lately, hasn't it? The old standard middle of the road, right down the middle white guy. I'm on board, I agree. Give me a chuppa chuppa and I'll be happy. I'll get off everyone's case. If that's all it takes Give me a chuppa chuppa. To silence these you know, opinionated white

fellas, I reckon we dip into the coffers. I reckon we dip into the tax revenue and we buy them all a chubba-chub. Tell them to suck on it. So today's fact of the day, you'll remember that from before, is that for the last 50 years, Donald Duck has had a superhero alter ego, but

only really in Italy. Fact of the day! Day, day, day, day! Yeah. Day, day, day, day, day. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. How's this for a job title?

Adult Fun Toy Tester. Well, that is the case. And you're getting paid. This is your job. No. This is the case. And you're getting paid. This is your job. This is the case for Edwina Cato, who's had more than 30 years experience in the industry. Susie Cato's mum? No, no, spelt different.

C-A-I-T-O. She's known as the lady fun toy lady. Okay, yep. Okay. The lady fun toy lady. 30 years. 30 years experience. Imagine how, like now, that job would be, you know,

acceptable by a lot of people. Absolutely. But 30 years ago, you would have been a dirty perv, wouldn't you? Absolutely. Or they would have run out of diesel batteries or needed to be plugged into the wall. Or the mains. They would have been on the mains.

Indeed. She had, she started when she hosted one of those parties. Oh yes, like a Tupperware party. Like a Tupperware party, but they bring around the fun toys instead and they sell them to you and you buy them. She hosted one of those and the lady who ran that party ran the company that she was working for and only had a few salespeople. So that's how she entered the industry 30 years ago. She did that for a while. It was a lot of hard work. And this is what the whole article is about. She said, people look at the job title and go,

hello, you must have a bloody good day. But she says, it's not as glamorous as people think it is. Because some days you wouldn't be into doing that, would you? No. Sometimes you're like, oh, not again. So now her job, she works for an independent website and she

is the tester. So she receives every day new fun toys and her job is to test them and then write about them. Oh, yeah. See, that's what they say. Find something you love and you'll never work another day in your life. But I prefer to think of it as do something you love for work and soon enough you'll end up hating that

and you'll be needing to find something else to love. Yeah. Because you're dead inside again. You have to find a new love, which is often drinking. Yes. And then that becomes your passion. Yeah. But for her, she says it becomes very clinical, of course.

Sure, she enjoys it. There's a lot of admin. From the get-go, it arrives. She talks about the unboxing of the thing the whole experience the quality of it before she uses it which i guess is the more fun part uh and then she writes a review she said it's just not as glamorous as people think it is it's a lot of work she would have seen some huge change in that industry in 30 years she'd be fascinating to talk to like a historian yeah like a historian of adult fun toys yeah she's. She's like a historian of sorts. Yeah, like a historian of adult fun toys. Yeah, she's definitely,

she's like in her mid-50s, so she's really seen it all. Right. Does it say what when the Satisfyer 2 Pro came along? No, I mean Game Changer. That would be interesting

to know what her thoughts are on the Game Changers. Game Changer, yeah, I know, because that one really blew everything else apart. Yeah, because the Satisfyer Pro 2 is like the PlayStation 5.

Yeah. But there must have been other PlayStations along the way. Because once you get the PlayStation 5, you don't really need to keep PlayStations 1 to 4. Exactly, but at one stage, PlayStation 1, or just PlayStation as it was known, would have been the absolute peak. Well, that's because we didn't know anything else.

Absolutely. So what was that? That's what I want to know. But it is interesting because I have friends that have cool job titles and I mean it would be the same for us as well. We've got a very cool job. Absolutely. And people are like, that is fun. It must be fun all

the time. Yeah. And it is fun. It's not fun at 4 o'clock in the morning when the alarm goes off. Yeah. But there's certainly parts where it can still feel like a job. Absolutely. And that's any job. It always tickles people, right? You send an email and it always,

mine's like actor, comedian or something like that. And people go, oh, and they go, oh, that must be a lot of fun. And you're like, well, no, for the first 10 years I made about $1,000 a year. And it's a bit rough, but it did get us thinking, looking at her job title of adult fun toy tester.

Yeah. If any of you out there have a cool job that people think is cool. Like what is your job that people think is amazing? Imagine if you were a chocolate tester. That is a good example. Immediately I think, wow, awesome. But you've got to have a chippy straight afterwards because you've got to go salt yeah and then you're like

salt sweet and then every day you're just eating chocolate like you'd be worried about putting on weight right or there's like dog food testers who are humans who have to eat dog food no there's not yes there is but that doesn't sound awesome sounds gross

or maybe if you've got a curious job title, you can let us know as well. A food tester? Yeah, give us a call. 0800-DANCE-AT-M is the number. You can text as well, 9696. What's your cool job that everyone thinks is really cool? But then maybe behind the scenes it's wearing a bit thin.

We've been talking about your cool job titles that people think are cool after an adult fun toy tester said that it wasn't as glamorous as it sounds. Well, no, everyone thinks, oh, what a great job just on the toys all day. All you get to do is just hop in the sack all day, give it a buzz and write about it.

I'd fall asleep though and I'd have to wake up from my nap and do it again just to get the review fresh in my mind. Stephen, what's your cool job title that everyone thinks is cool? I'm a traffic management designer. Oh, yes. So you just look at traffic and work out how to make it better? No, no.

So I design. So you know when you drive through a road site and you come to a stop sign, every sign position is calculated and placed in a specific location so it won't affect businesses or driveways and get people into there. You've got the power. That's why people love that. I'd be so corruptible. Yeah.

I'd be open to bribes from one shop to divert traffic away from the competition. Yeah, me too. Yeah. But you were saying after a while it's not as glamorous as people think. No, well, because you've got people like the council that tell you how to do your job. Yeah. Am I right? Am I right?

Let's put in more roundabouts. I love roundabouts. Oh, I love a roundabout. Roundabouts over a traffic light every day. Oh, a roundabout over a traffic light. Always a roundabout. I don't mind traffic lights because I just put them all orange

and that solves that problem. Yeah. There you go. Vehicle, vehicle. Stephen, thanks for your call. You can't have a nice garden in the middle of a traffic light, though, can you? No, you can't.

Roundabouts look beautiful with some flowers in the middle. Or like a welcome to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or some sort of arty sculpture that some dude can drive over one day when he flies straight through the middle of the roundabout. All right, so your cool job title. Everyone thinks it's cool, but maybe it's not as glamorous as people think.

More of your texts and calls next. So we're talking those job titles that you have that people think are glamorous and cool. People read it and go, oh, my God, your day must be so much fun and no hard work. But a job's a job, isn't it? A job is work. Ellie, good morning. Morning. What's your job title? I'm a dog walker. Oh, come on. That can't be hard. No, no,

no, no. Horrible. That should be fine. Horrible. I can't even walk two dogs without them getting the leads all wrapped up and they're all pulling in different directions and then one poops and the other one's like, well, I'm not stopping, I'm not pooping. I can't imagine it'd be horrible. How many dogs are you rocking at once?

The most I've ever had was 22. Far out. On like one walk? Yeah, but I do them off leash, so I pack them all into the ute, then turn up to the dog park and just let them go. And how many have you lost? None. How? That is impossible. I know.

No, not touch wood. Haven't lost any so far. She just pops down to the pound and paints one to look like the one that's gone. Takes it to Just Cuts and be like, okay, so I need a Labrador. Yeah, this is a Bichon Frise. It does sound, it sounds fun when you read it, but I can imagine it's very stressful. Yeah, it's more like being a school teacher because dogs are like people's pets. So you get like the helicopter parents and then the naughty dogs. I know people these days that care more about their dogs than they do about their children. Yeah, it'd be the same pet grooming as well, dealing with the owners.

Yeah, absolutely. And stuff like that. Hey, thanks for your call. Amy, what's your job title? And people think it's great. Good morning, guys. I work for the ambulance service. And I take all the triple one emergency medical calls for people needing the ambulance.

I would never be under the assumption that that was a cool job. You would hear some truly awful things, I'd imagine. Yeah, you do have cool ones and then you have some cool ones like delivering babies and things like that over the phone. Yeah, and doing like CPR calls. So yeah, you win and you lose some.

But um... That's the thing. Yeah, people might think that's exciting, but yeah, there'd be people that die on the phone with you. Yeah. Literally, yeah. Yep. Oh my God, thank you for what you do. That's full on.

No, you're welcome. Awesome. Thanks, guys. Just remember when it's CPR, it's the Bee Gees song, Staying Alive, not How Deep Is Your Love. How deep is your,

and one, and love, and two, And love, and two. And love, and three. Hang on, let's get the official. Amy, do you say go to the beat of a song? No, we've got a timer that counts one, two, three, four to the beats that we're meant to do CPR. So you put a beep on and you're like,

push them on the beeps. Yeah, we have like a little timer on our screen that bounces up and down and we've got to go to the beats of that. You're probably right there. Probably not appropriate if you're on the floor and your partner's dying and you're putting on the Bee Gees.

Staying alive, staying alive. Mother and a woman! I couldn't imagine St John could afford the rights to that song because you'd have to pay royalties as well. But there's only one G left. There's only one Gib left. Are you going to tell me he's going to be an arsehole and not let the ambulance service use the song royalty free to save lives?

Barry, you are a monster. Amy, thank you for your call. Rhiannon, what's your glamorous job title? I'm a pole dancer full time. Oh, yeah, girl. Like fitness. Yeah, yeah. I run a pole dancer full time. Oh, yeah, girl. Like fitness. Yeah, yeah. I run a pole dancing studio,

so I get to teach people how to swing around a pole for a living. How often do your thighs go squeak on the steel pole? I've tried it once, and it was a big squeaky boy. Yeah, you've got to vest your thighs if that's happening. Because you need them for grip. You can't vest them. Exactly. So you've just got to kind of put up with the skin grip situation,

but that's all right. Oh, I couldn't. No, squeak. Oh, no. But so you're saying a lot of people hear that job title and they're like, well, that must be fun. Yeah, or they question what the job title actually is. Yeah.

What's the least enjoyable aspect of the job? That you obviously enjoy. You sound very chirpy about it, but everybody's got something that they don't like. My, oh, I'll start the ball rolling. Yep. Meetings. You hate meetings.

I hate that. Meetings suck, but also like it's a very physical job. So like, yes, I get to teach all day, but I'm physically doing the classes as well. And there's days where everybody lacks a bit of physical energy, right? You just would rather just sit still for a day. Yeah, that time of the month, you're like, oh man, I've got to get up the pole, my tampon's very cold,

it's hanging out. It's not the time. Mate. We'll see you guys later. You've absolutely shook Vaughan with that one. It's hard to shake Vaughan, but they did it. Little do they know. A lot of imagery associated.

Rhiannon, thanks for your cool Samartes messages in there. I'm a book editor, mostly for filthy romance trash. It sounds exciting and people must be like, oh, that must be hot to read. But after a while, it's like, oh, great, another orgy. What's going to be different about this one? And the misspelled orgy. Yeah, orgy. What's going to be different about this one? And the misspelt orgy. Yeah, orgy. They put an I in it.

My dad was a wine reviewer. Every Monday six bottles of wine would be delivered for him to... I thought you said every Monday he'd consume six bottles of wine. Yeah. Why not? He'd probably be ready for a bloody beer or a whiskey by Thursday. Some day,

doing that during the day, sometimes the last thing you want. Yeah. Florist. People say it must be lovely playing with flowers all day. It must be lovely playing with flowers all day, all the smells and colours. I feel like saying, buy my business

and I'll send you a postcard from Fiji. Long hours, not much money, time pressures, unrealistic requests. And having to deal with people with weddings. Yes. Funerals would be the worst. I thought about this. The long hours thing is a thing that often turns a good job into a bad job.

I wanted to run a cattery. And I said this because I love cats, stay at home, play with cats all day. And I said this to the woman who runs our cattery. And she was like, no. Oh, it'd be horrible. 365 days a year looking after other people's precious pets. It's no good. Yeah.

Ben messaged in. He's a roller coaster engineer. Was in charge of testing and checking rides in the UK. Oh, my gosh. Sounds great. And, you know, there were perks, but very stressful now because if I ever go to a theme park, I know exactly what to look for that would be making a ride unsafe.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. And then also, if you making a ride unsafe. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah. And then also, if you fixed a ride and it, like, crushed someone's feet or fell off, you're on the hook for that, right? Yeah, for sure. I'd say so.

Yeah. And zookeepers, a few zookeepers have messaged in. It is fun, but there's, you know, you're going to be working the whole time. Yeah, and the tigers could rip your arm off. Tigers don't take public holidays. No, they don't. rip your arm off. Tigers don't take public holidays. No, they don't. Religious reasons,

but they don't take Christmas off, do they? They need to be fed.