ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 1st November 2022

Episode Date: November 1, 2022

Producer Jareds Tow    Top 6: Glue    Good Good Bad Good    Silly Little Poll!    Cam Mansell!    Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Cheers to McCafe. Great barista made coffee on the go. Are you saying cheers to McCafe? I'm saying cheers. Okay, I'm going to do one.

I'm going to do the cheers with the coffee. Welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's tautoko to McCafe. For tautoko-ing our show. Yeah. What about Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast? Salud. Ah.

To McCafe. Great barista make coffee on the go. Welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's shakas to McCafe. Blah. Great barista make coffee on the go. She's had a month's worth of mentions on the intro to the podcast today, haven't they? We love her.

Fletch, now that you're not in control and we can just speak over you and not let you know that the podcast has started recording, how do you think we're going? I was like, have we started yet? We've started. Welcome to the Vaughn, Hayley and Fletch podcast. What's your name?

Cafe. Unbelievable. I'm only kidding. Fletch and Vaughan, isn't that a brand though? We had to buy that. It's been trademarked. We had to buy that back. We had to buy that back.

We had to buy that. So you guys have to stay as a pair. It could go Hayley, Fletch and Vaughan. That's got a nice way to do it. Hayley with Fletch and Vaughan. Hayley Jane Sproul, born 1989, Rangiora, New Zealand, with Fletch and Vaughan. That's got a nice way to it. Hayley with Fletch and Vaughan. Hayley Jane Sproul, born 1989, Rangiora, New Zealand, with Fletch and Vaughan. It's a bit long.

It's a bit long. A bit wordy. Yeah, a bit wordy. He's eating. You're eating. I'm sorry, I've had a gurgly gut since the moment I arrived here. How very unprofessional. Speaking of hungry, Fletch, you'll be very, very proud of me.

Let me paint you a picture. I had two business meetings yesterday. Busy girl. Busy girl. She's hustling. She's bustling. 2023, watch out. The first one was at a place that the three of us have been to,

Fort Greene on K Road, where they are famous. Great Reuben's. Great Reuben's. For their Reuben's. If you don't know a Reuben, it is like a brown or a rye bread, absolutely slathered in butter. What have you got? Your Thousand Island dressing, sauerkraut, and then just lots of pastrami.

Pickles sometimes. Pickles and Swiss cheese. Yeah, pickles, Swiss cheese, and pastrami. That's great for your gut health, that is. It is honestly. So much fermented food there. The fermented. It's basically.

And brown bread. It's technically health. So I went to Fort Greene, where we've had Reubens before. I didn't get a Reuben. Journey to health. What a journey to health. Wow. I didn't get anything.

I got a kombucha. Oh. I know. I hate myself. Anyway. Why did you have a meeting in a cafe to have a kombucha? Well, they were having coffee and I don't drink coffee. So you went to Fort Green and no one had a fucking sandwich?

No one had a fucking sandwich. That's a waste of a table. I'm moving. It's a waste of a Fort Green. We should have gone to bloody Gloria Jean's. Anyway, and then- No, McCafe. No, but Gloria Jean's is shit is what I'm saying.

Oh, I just know. Okay. I would never say a bad word about show sponsor McCafe. Shuckers, shout out, kudos. Yeah. And then, Fletch, I went to- And Vaughn, you can listen too. I stopped listening because you didn't say my name.

That's good. Fletch, I went to our other favorite sandwich place where I famously get a chicken salad sandwich toast with cheese, The Fed, Al Brown. Shout out. It's the $6 Cinnamon Girls for me. You guys love the Cinnamon Girls. And the hash.

What is that thing I get called? The hash. Pastrami hash. Yeah, I love pastrami. Pastrami heavy chat. But I didn't get the chicken salad sandwich toasted with cheese. Oh, my God. All this chat.

I can drop you off a Reuben. Wouldn't that be nice? No. It would be nice, but journey to hell. Don't pretend. No. The rule is if you get COVID on your isolation, fuck that. You're allowed to eat whatever you want.

And Fletch, we saw on your Instagram that you were making cookies. Where are the cookies? Okay, so that happened at the weekend. I made a lot of cookies and I ate a lot of cookies. How many cookies have you got left? How big was the batch? How many are remaining? No, so I told my friend who was coming around to drop off some supplies,

I said, I'm leaving you some cookies at the door, some COVID cookies. I don't want to touch your COVID cookies. Yeah, you can I'm leaving you some cookies at the door, some COVID cookies. I don't think COVID is actually COVID cookies. Yeah, you can't be giving them COVID cookies. He's eating the COVID cookies. I needed to get rid of them because I would have eaten like the whole batch. But it's your week of isolation or I'm turning the health rules out the window.

Beef out, mate. Beef out. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know, but you know. He's probably going to cook mints in the fridge, which you'll hear about.

I've got a lot of mints in the fridge, yeah, you will. In the podcast, you'll hear more of that. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley podcast, it's thanks to McCafe. Hello, good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. It's me. I've got my laptop noise on and my headphones on and I was hearing an echo like you were a ghost, Fletch. You haven't died from COVID, you were here.

Halloween's over, Fletch. You can't be a ghost anymore. Okay, next year. Yeah, I know. You're disappointed you didn't get your trick-or-treating because you've got COVID-19. He loves a trick-or-treat, doesn't he? He loves trick-or-treating.

He loves seeing the joy on children's faces. No, this is why I live in an apartment. There's layers of security. They can't get in. There isn't a single knock at the door. You love going trick-or-treating. You love getting dressed up and door knocking. Do I?

In the Auckland CBD. I mean, I love lollies. Did you get anyone knocking at your door? No. No one knocked on my door. Because my community did it on Saturday night. My community. And there wasn't even a single rogue ghost?

Yeah, well, apparently there was some outrage on the local community page, I tell you. People saying, well, I thought it was tonight. Well, so-and-so organised it for Saturday night. If you had seen the page, it was a lot of drama, a lot of local drama. But no, no one knocked on my door. That's sad. What did you do with all those lollies? Ate them.

Yes, started eating them. Yes, started eating them. There was a guy, we went trick-or-treating, and he was driving around on a little quad bike throwing lollies. Like Santa. That's Christmas. Ghoulish, very ghoulish Santa on a quad bike. The whole thing was very unusual.

Jeepers. Very unusual indeed. Coming whole thing was very unusual. Jeepers. Very unusual indeed. Coming up on the show, the top six. Yeah, the top six things to glue yourself to. This seems to be the protest du jour, doesn't it? We will. I don't like roads. Glue myself to the road.

I want more trains. Glue yourself to a road. I want no more oil drilling. Glue yourself to the Mona Lisa. Those ones I'm confused by. The art ones. I don't want petrol. The one that I want to talk about is the people

who glued themselves to a dinosaur. Now is that because dead dinosaurs compressed turn into fossil fuels? Literally by, you know, in their name. Fossil fuels. Yeah. I mean, it's work, though.

We're talking about it on the other side of the world, aren't we? Yeah, indeed. Yeah, but it's not going to make me cycle to work tomorrow, you know? Abandon my petroleum-powered vehicle. It's not going to make me wash out my milk cartons. Oh, you're a monster. Rinse your milk. I don't drink milk.

Why do you chuck them in the bin? I don't drink milk. Who's still drinking milk? Lots of people. Do you wash out your containers? Of course I wash out my containers. Always rinse your recycling. So we've got the top six things to glue yourself to

if you want to raise some attention for your cause. All right, next on the show, producer Jared found himself in a bit of a pickle yesterday. Indeed. And he's learnt a valuable lesson. Well, then was it a pickle if we learnt one's lesson? Or was it a life lesson? Ooh.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Producer Jared, you, the vits, you know, the workhorse of the show, I'd say. Absolutely. The most reliable car amongst anybody who works here. And you've got to have a reliable car when you work these hours. The vits let you down.

Yeah. Lady Valentine has let me down. Lady Valentine. Lady Valentine. Is that the name of your car? Yeah, because I got her on Valentine's Day a few years ago. And it's red. The colour of Valentine's Day is red.

So what happened to Lady Valentine? The other day she just didn't want to start, which was pretty cool. The old girls get their way. Hey, the old girls get their way sometimes. You bloody try your best, but they won't bloody get started, will they? Did you bloody try and pour her a wine? Take her out for a bloody meal? Remind her of the good old times?

Did you try taking her shoes off, giving her feet a rub? Maybe she's in some new stuff. Maybe she's cheating on you. Oh, God. Maybe there's a new man in her life. There's a Prius down the road. Oh, no. Oh, yeah, that'll be it.

Oh, no. Wait, so your car is cheating on you with another car, not another human? I don't think the vids could drive a Prius, to be honest. Oh, she'll try. You reckon? If we're going to get scientific on this ridiculous premise for one moment. We're all in the same bloody height line down.

You try pumping up your tires, mate. Well, yeah, basically I couldn't turn on the vits and had to go wake up the midi for a ride to work. Oh, right. God, I thought you meant to sort of get the engine started. I was like, what a beautiful feminist world we're living in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've had problems for a while, though, haven't you?

Yeah, me and the vets have, not me and the middy. Yeah. Oh, no, we're not airing those. No, we won't talk about that. But, yeah, yesterday I managed to organise a tow, which was pretty exhilarating. Have you not been towed before? I have never organised my own towing.

You've been towed, but... Yeah, right. And, yeah, so I called a third-party towage place for a four-kilometre tow. How much do you think it would cost? Oh, well, but where are you getting it towed to? From West Auckland to a little bit further West Auckland. Okay.

Well, when you get towed. No, but to a garage. We're going to get towed to a garage to get fixed. When you get towed. Like 300. Yeah, because when you get towed on a bus lane, right, it's always like a 300 bucks to go pick up your car. Yeah. That's because if it's an impoundment fee, though.

Yeah, true. But it'll be insane because they know you're stuck with little, if you've called them, you've got no other options. In hundies, hundreds. Yeah, 280. Jesus. Yeah, 300. I could have towed you in the options. In hundies, hundreds. Yeah, 280. Jesus. I could have towed you in the Jimny. No, you couldn't have.

No, I don't think so. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I bring you, I present to you the power that is the low range on the Jimny. No. The Jimny has been towed. Four-wheel drive, low range. I'd pull that Fitz all over town, baby. Can I say something?

Do you remember the other day, side thought, I was at a family event and we were at this cafe in Pūhoe and this guy backed into a ditch. And then he came, not a member of our family, and he came out and was like, oh, does anyone, you know, have any ropes or something and the ability to tow? And then Aaron's got a ute and our cousin's got a ute and so the boys, the ute gang got together and towed him out. He didn't even say thank you.

He just drove off. What? Before he drove off, he started almost reversing over Aaron while he was trying to get the ropes out from the back. And he just drove off. Wait, so the guy, who unhitched the ropes? Aaron was unhitching the rope. And the guy was just like.

What a piece of shit. Pulled him out of the ditch. It was a real deep ditch. Pulled him out of the ditch. And then Aaron was behindhitching the rope. And the guy was just like, man. He like pulled him out of the ditch. It was a real deep ditch. Pulled him out of the ditch. And then Aaron was behind removing the ropes. And the guy just starts reversing. And Aaron just whacks the back of the car. He's like, hey.

And the guy's like. Oh, no, that's not neighbourly. I know. That's not how you repay a tow. Anyway, so you towed your car. I almost towed my car. So I was like not paying too, Eddie. Did a little research on the old AA. Yeah. Turns out you towed your car. I almost towed my car. So I was, like, not paying 280. Did a little research on the old AA.

Yeah. Turns out you get a free tow. So I quickly skiddly-dee joined. How nice is the AA membership card? Well, like, 80-ish, I think, over the year. Okay, yeah, yeah. That's good. Don't they have a stand-down period, like,

for people like you that are just trying to get a cheap tow? Abusing and getting a free tow. No, that's the beautiful thing. They don't. No, because they got his 80 bucks and now if he needs another toe, he's already used his free toe. Yeah.

But now they've got him for a year. Oh, but that's cheeky. That's very cheeky. It's very cheeky, but I saved myself like two hundo. So what, you're doing the AA

and they come and they tow you to a garage. Yeah, they were supposed to come yesterday, but delays and... Oh, there's why it's only cost 80 bucks. Yeah, they were supposed to come yesterday, but delays. Oh, there's why it's only cost $80. You're well down the line. You're well down the line.

Oh, well, hopefully your car is going to cost more than $200. I don't think you're saving any money. Yeah. You're going to hemorrhage money in this car. Yeah. Well, those old girls are expensive to keep. Everybody tweak every now and then. Put your lipstick in and check her oil.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Well, I have never personally dated a French man. Vaughan, have you? Multiple, yes. Yes. Are we where you like? Dating a French man? When you think of... I like? Uh-huh. Dating a French man? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. When you think of... I like his baguette. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I like his courageous passion for his country in World War II. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Well, if you think of an iconic, no, sort of like a classic looking single French man, this is the guy. There is a French man living in Los Angeles who finally, his name is Renan Pacheco. That sounds Italian. Pacheco. And he went on a date that didn't go very well. Guys, yesterday I had my first date with an American woman.

And it was a disaster. We take the menu and she looks me in the eyes and she tells me she doesn't eat gluten. Kimberly, gluten is croissant. And then I'm like, okay, I'm going to have some glass of wine, you know, like chill a little bit, you know, and so I was like, what do you want to drink? And she says to me, okay, I'm going to have some glass of wine, you know, like chill a little bit, you know. And so I was like, what do you want to drink? And she says, she doesn't drink alcohol. So I'm sorry.

I'm sorry if I left. I left the restaurant without saying goodbye. So he does this run. He did a French exit. He did a French exit. And he's literally like running down the street going like, oh, my God. So that's fresh from the date on his run from the restaurant. Now, I just want to show you this, producer

Jared and Vaughn. Oh, dude. The dude's shirt's open to underneath his shirt. Oh, yeah, okay. He's a good looking dude. Like, from the side you would see nipple. His hair is shoulder length and swept. He's like the epitome of a very, like, French guy. He's like, when you're

going out with someone and they're like, I need to go on my O.N. I don't want to resent you. So I'm just going to go. And you're like, yeah, okay. But like, let's go on a break. And then like you're back in New Zealand

and you hook up with a couple of ugly, couple of ugly, you know, trolls because you're a bit boozed and a bit sad. And then you see a photo on her Facebook and that's the dude she's like met. Met, I say in evil quotes. She's met this guy in France. And you're like photo on her Facebook and that's the dude she's like met. Met, I say in evil quotes. She's met this guy in France. And you're like, oh, fuff.

And then obviously you've got to chase her to France. You have to go to France. So you immediately sell everything you own. The only ticket left on the flight is business class. You've got to pay so much money. Tens of thousands of dollars to get there in the current climate. And, you know, you're going on a visitor's visa. You're never going to get permanent residence

because you don't have any money in your account. You arrive and you walk in and she's there in one of his shirts. Oh, also unbuttoned, but a cleave. She looks hot. She looks the hottest she's looked in years. And she's like, oh, my God, what are you doing here? And it's equal parts shocked and also just like, what are you doing here? Yeah, yeah. And shocked and also just like, what are you doing here?

Yeah, yeah. And then he walks out and he's not got a shirt on and he's wearing little tighty whities. Oh my God. And he's absolutely packing them out. He's got the gutters out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God.

And he's just got this, like there's the whole like French, like 1700th townhouse that they're living in in the South of France. He's having a little short black and he's on a durry. And the whole place

stinks of sex. Yes! Stinks of sex! Oh my God! Open a French shutter for Christ's sake! She is done with you. She is done with you.

I love the smell of sex, you know. Yeah, and he's like, this is the man you're talking so much about. Lovely to meet you, my friend! And you're like,

God damn it, he's being nice to me. And then your obvious choice is to just like crumple into the floor and like cry and beg and say like life's been full of regrettable mistakes. And you picked up a couple of STDs from those, you know, three out of tens that you slept with out of desperation in Hamilton that week and you went away with your lads to play golf, but you know, you had a terrible 18 holes as well.

Life's literally falling apart at the seams. It sounds very close to, it sounds very real. I'm just saying it could happen to any of us. This guy would destroy, he would ruin my life. He would and it would be my pleasure to do so. Oh, you son of a bitch. You need to appreciate your wife a little bit more. Look at her.

She's beautiful. I've been appreciating her. Don't you tell me to appreciate my wife anymore. I can smell her from where I'm standing. Next on the show, it's the top six. And more protesters have glued themselves to something. I'm going to kill this French bastard. You need to move on.

He's not coming to show that. He's not real. He's not coming to Sharder. He's not real, boy. He's not real. Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley. He's finding my mouse. From the yummy ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello. Two environmental activists glued themselves to a dinosaur display

at Berlin's Natural History Museum on Sunday to protest what they said was the German government's failure to properly address the threat of climate change. What kind of dinosaur is that? It's not a T-Rex, eh? Is it a big four-legged something? You got a good maybe a Bronte, a Brachia. No, it's a Tuia, isn't it?

A Tuia. Is it a Tuia or a Fori? It says it's a fourie. It's a fourie. A fourie that lived tens of millions of years ago. Right. So they've glued themselves to the literal skeleton of this thing. Yes.

That's so dumb. Yeah. One of them's a mother of four. Proud of mummy. I'm proud of mummy. I'd be splatty at home and be like mum what's for dinner yeah

where's mum I would have peeled the potatoes ready and mum's not home you finally actually remember to get the chicken out when you get home from school

I know and now it's going to go off because it's sitting on the bench still we're just staring at this chicken wondering how it's going to cook itself

because mum's in prison ma'am ma'am I'm hungry ma'am. Clue to a dinosaur. Ma'am. I'm hungry. Ma'am. You said we were having chicken tonight. I feel like chicken tonight. Ma'am.

Ma'am. Ma'am. We ate all the biscuits. Ma'am. Now we're not hungry. But we're fighting each other because we're so jazzed up on sugar. Ma'am. Now we're hungry.

Okay, so mum's glued to a dinosaur. I've got the top six things to glue yourself to if you want to get attention to your cause. Great. Number six, worried about rising sea levels? Glue yourself to the ocean. Now, you will need a waterproof glue. Most glues are waterproof.

Aquamarine sort of. Yeah. But when does it bond to the water? Oh, glue. What? Because the water's ever sort of. Yeah. But when does it bond to the water? Oh, glue. What? Because the water's ever sort of changing as well. How does it bond to the water? Yeah.

Would you have to maybe to a dolphin? No, no, no, no, no, no. That'll get them. You just have to a dolphin actually. That'll really get them going. Well, you know when the water evaporates, the surface water evaporates. Yes. Are you going to get sucked into the sky if you glue to the water?

Oh, my God. Let go. Oh, no, you can't let go because you're glued to it. Because you glued yourself. That's terrible. No, that's a death wish. Number five on the list.

Well, this could actually be the next stage actually. Number five on the list of the top six things to glue yourself to if you want to get attention for your course. Ozone hole not shrinking

is going to fool you. Glue yourself to the sky. But if you're glued to the water and the ocean and then it evaporates into the sky. You are now technically glued to the sky with clouds

it's a twofer number four on the list of the top six things to glue yourself to for attention to your cause worried about the possibility of an asteroid hitting earth glue yourself to a rock because you know and be like this is what it's going to look like but bigger

and travelling a lot faster and I don't feel we're taking this seriously because if I'm being felt to be taken seriously and be like, this is what it's going to look like, but bigger and travelling a lot faster. And I don't feel we're taking this seriously. Because if I'm being felt to be taken seriously, I think an adult gluing themselves to something will really make everybody be like, that's a person that needs to be taken seriously. We must listen. We must listen to the person who has nothing else to do

that glued themselves to something. Number three on the list of the top six things to glue yourself to for attention to your cause. Are you worried about the little blue penguins at this proposed Waiheke Marina site? I know I am. I am very worried. Glue yourself to the front of a rich man's launch like one of those sexy pirate maidens on the front of the boat. Yes, glue yourself back to it arched.

Yeah. And put your arms back like that and you pop your boobies out. Pop your boobs. Men or women, pop your boobies. Number two on the list of the top six things to glue yourself to for attention to your cause. Don't want any more coal mined?

Glue yourself to coal sprouts. Actor, coal sprouts. The actor. Yes, okay. Yeah, really. Why is someone glued to coal sprouts?

It's to stop people mining for coal. To draw attention to coal. Yeah, right. Different coal. Yes, I know, but said the same. Do you have to ask coal first?

Well, no, that would take the... You have time. You think they asked the museum if they could glue themselves to the dinosaur? No. No, the question is, did they ask the dinosaur? If they could glue themselves to the dinosaur. Yeah. Well, they're probably tens of millions of years late.

And number one on the list, disappointed that people aren't getting their animals neutered, glue yourself to a dog and a cat. So then technically it would be cat dog. You have a cat dog on the front of you. What about if you glue yourself to its testicles? The only way to get you off the dog is to remove the testes. It's going to be also hard to explain why you're glued to a dog's testicles.

I think it's pretty straightforward. It's weird on your T-shirt. I'm glued to a dog's testicles because people need a newbie, their pets. You need to get this bad, yeah. What part of you is glued to the dog's testicles? Not the hand. Yeah, the hand. The hand?

Oh, no. Touching the hand. The cheek. Touching the balls. That is today's Top 6. Not the cheek either. No, no, no. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. What about finest jingles, Eric?

It's great work. It's great work. Great work. Now, who's going first with some good news? Well, we've got the bad news and we've got to wrap it in good news. That's how the segment goes. Yeah.

Yeah, I know that you were carrying... The shit sandwich, some people call it, the management donut. Yeah. Yeah. I've got some good news to start about. A lottery prize. Okay.

Oh my God, did you win the lotto? Is that why you're not here? Oh my God, he doesn't have COVID. He won the lotto and he's actually, that backdrop is a tropical island. I would not be on this Zoom call if I had won $1.72 billion. Who's going to say stuff like

Doja Cat, ZM, the show thanks to McDonald's, great barista made coffee on the go. You're right. I'm irreplaceable. I'll stay. It's McCafe. You're damned fool. Oh my God, Hayley, you've just lost the go. You're right. I'm irreplaceable. I'll stay. It's McCafe. You damn fool. Oh my God. Hayley, you've just lost the sponsorship. This is why we need him.

Beg for their forgiveness. I'm so sorry, McCafe. Well, a US Powerball lottery has risen to US $1 billion. Now that is $1.72 billion New Zealand. That is dumb. That's so dumb. That isn't even the highest. That isn't even the highest.

The biggest prize was New Zealand money, $2.7 billion. Nobody needs to win that much money. Is it federal or at state level? So it's played at 46 American states across the US. So yeah, the biggest prize in 2016 was won by three people. And they don't pay it out like they do in New Zealand. You don't get all the US. So yeah, the biggest prize in 2016 was won by three people and they don't pay it out like they do in New Zealand. You don't get all the money. Like I think our lotto at the moment is like 8 million

is the current jackpot. You get it paid over 29 years. And I think you can choose either a lump sum and then payments, but it's always taxed. You can choose a lump sum and take less money or you can get the whole amount and have it dribbled to you over. Yeah, so every year you're effectively having like $100,000 or $200,000 in your bank account. No, if you had billions, it would be millions.

If you had a billion, it would have to be $10 million. Otherwise, you'd never get through it. Wow, that's so much money. A billion is $1,000 million. So if you lived for, say they paid out of, I'm going to do some maths. You're just never going to spend this money, are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you were the solo winner. You lot keep talking. I'm going to do some maths. I don't think you should never win that amount of money. It's too much. I've had to turn my phone on the side to be able to do that many zeros, by the way. Jesus.

And say they paid it out over 40 years. That's $25 million a year. Well so they paid it out over 40 years. That's $25 million a year. Well, they paid it out over 29 years. Okay, so more than $25 million a year. That's insane. Insane money. But like we do. Drew, can it still be a couple of weeks before payday

and you'd be like, ugh, noodles. Noodles, yeah. Get that, Andrew. Ugh, they tore through $25 million. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Well, yeah. Get that, Andrew. They tore through $25 million. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Well, I don't know.

Yeah, so that's on the rise in the US. That's my good news for gamblers. Kind of good, isn't it? I mean, you hope that they use it for good. Yeah, you do. You can't spend that much money. You've got to give it away. Yeah.

I am Mother Teresa. I've got some good news. Do you? It's equine horse. Equine good news. Horse news. Oh, haveine horse, equine good news, horse news. Oh, have they cancelled the Melbourne Cup? No, they haven't. Oh.

I think they're leaning in harder. That's bad news for horses. This is a cute story, a homegrown cute story here in Aotearoa. In Cambridge, a horse, Panda is their name. It's silly. It's a bloody horse. It's not a panda, but it's a Palomino painted horse,

which means it's Palomino, which is my favourite colour horse. What is that? And also, I believe, one of the hardest horses to find in Red Dead Redemption 1 and 2. Beautiful horse. It's a caramilk horse.

Caramilk. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, you immediately know what colour I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beautiful horses. Gorgeous. Beautiful colour. So it keeps escaping and going and visiting the residents

of Resthaven's dementia care unit. So during the COVID-19 pandemic, Panda started doing little visits, but now loved it so much that it's like escaped and gone back. To see the old folk. Yeah. He opened his own gate the first time, then went into the backyard, walked down the driveway, out onto the road, followed the footpath,

stays on the footpath so as not to put big hoof marks in anybody's lawn. Beautiful. Or road frontage. And pops in and sees the old folks. And the people in the dementia ward just like, ah, what's this? Oh, my God, there's a horse in my house. I don't know because, I mean, I know dementia is different for everybody, but they'd still know a horse is a horse, right?

A horse is a horse, of course. Well, that's what I was wondering. Yeah, I don't know. I guess you would, right? They might not remember that specific horse having visited before. You know how I love the show Old Folks Home for Four-Year-Olds or whatever it's called? They should have Old Folks Home for Horses.

Horses. Horses are so healing. You know, they're like... Until they kick you in the face. Also very injuring. Yeah, they can kick you in the face. Way too strong. Those animals, they're having toit.

They're keeping it toit. Okay. I want to smack every one of them. I want to smack that cake. Same. I want to smack that cake. Except you smack that cake and a boot, you get booted over the arena.

Anyway, that's my good news. I've got the bad news in the middle of good, good, bad, good. In the past week, there have been 20,522 new COVID cases of COVID-19 in the community. It is the reason I'm at home. No, there's not. We're done with it. No. Fletch, we finished.

No, apparently we didn't. Cases are up 4,000 on last week. I think it's up 25% in the last week, cases. Do you know who is leading by region? Who? I thought it would be Auckland, right up there with active cases. But actually, Canterbury, 2,500 cases, beating Auckland with 2,000 and Counties Manukau with 2,000 as well.

What are they up to? Although if you put both of those together. Yeah, I always love that when Auckland's doing it right and then you hear Counties Manukau is at a different count because a large part of that is also Auckland. Yeah, also Waitematā, shout out to the Waikato with nearly 1,500 cases. Waitematā's another part of Auckland.

Yeah, I know, I know. They've been very cheeky here. They're trying to fudge the numbers. Waitemata's another part of Auckland. Yeah, I know. I know. They've been very cheeky here. They're trying to fudge the numbers. They're definitely fudging the numbers. Auckland is out of control. Wow. So, yeah.

Just be aware that, yeah, community cases are on the rise. And that's why I'm at home. Cool, man. Cool. That's so cool. Cool. Although I hope for everybody else it's like I've got it. It's like I wouldn't even know I had it.

I've got no symptoms. Yeah, no, but you still have to stay home next week. Tuesday, I've got a cooking class. Thursday, I've got a party. Friday, it's Friday. Hey, hey, party all day. Saturday, marching competition. Sunday, Friday jams.

Can't have it. It's Shawnee's birthday. I can't do it. I can't have it. Sounds like you should get it and just enjoy some time at home. No. You're hardly at home. You're paying this mortgage.

You might as well enjoy it. Your calendar reading that out was absolute Vaughan's worst nightmare. It gave me something every day. It did. Yeah. All right, let's end with some good news. Okay, I've got the best news. Now, there's been to-ing and fro-ing about whether or not we have been decreasing the hole in the ozone layer.

Wow. Do you remember we talked about this a couple of weeks ago? We said it was a bit gaping because of the volcano eruption. Yes, yes, yes, but that was only in a spot. And UV was higher than usual. Overall, NASA has confirmed by actually going out in space and looking at it, that we, I say we, the hole in the ozone layer above, you know, the South, us and the South Pole and, you know, bits of Australia, has shrunk. Now, I've had to convert it from miles, 1.1 million

square kilometres in the last year. Wow. Are we clapping that? Is's good news, right? We're clapping that, mate. That has shrunk 1.1 million square miles. It's ginormous the amount that it's shrunk. It's healing itself. Nature is healing. Nature has returned. So I can go back to spraying cans out the window?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Still hold off on that. That has shrunk the equivalent to the size of the state of Texas. Texas big. Still big. Texas is big.

But now smaller than Alaska. Yeah, and this would be great for us and our bloody melanoma numbers and whatnot. So keep up the good work. Good news. And stop using the sprays. Now, I love a bit of mince. When I get a mince, I always go for beef. Unless I'm making a dumpling, then I'd go for a pork.

I love a pork. Oh, yeah, good. What about a mixed mince? Yeah. You mix your mince. You get a little packet of pork, get a little packet of beef, get a little packet of chicken. Chicken? Get a little packet of chicken.

Chicken mince? Chicken? You're putting chicken in there? Yeah, I'm putting chicken in there. You didn't tell me how to play with my mince. Well, do you have any mince? Oh, I certainly wouldn't. You wouldn't dream to.

Fletch, you got mince in the fridge at the moment? Do you need us to drop off some mince? You know I've always got mince in the fridge. You've got mince in the fridge. How do you like to cook your mince? I don't know. I guess if I was making, like maybe I was making like nachos or something, I'd just chuck it in the fridge. How do you like to cook your mints? I don't know. I guess if I was making like maybe I was making like nachos

or something, just chuck it in the pan and then just add a sachet and cook it. Oh, that's right. How do you cook it? Well, a Brisbane chef has shared her seven industry tips to cooking mints. Please!

Please! Seven tips! I didn't know we needed more than one! Seven industry tips to cooking mints. Please, please. Here are the- Seven tips. Seven tips. I didn't know we needed more than one. Okay, you might be doing this wrong. How to cook mints properly. You have my undivided attention.

Undivided. Phone off. All right. Undivided attention. First of all, put the mints in the pan without any oil. What? What? Madness.

No oil. What, because there's already enough fat? Yeah, it's. What? What? Madness. No oil. What, because there's already enough fat? Yeah, it's already got its own fat in it. No. And also, this is why you don't buy that lean mince or premium mince or whatever. Get the mince with the more fat in it. It's better mince.

Yeah, you need fat in your mince. Yeah, you need fat in your mince. Fat's where it's at. Yeah. I'm going to put that on a T-shirt. Put the mince in with first without any oil. Make sure your pan, this is an obvious one, make sure your pan is hot

Wait, so you're putting mince with no oil into a hot pan? Yes! That's how you get the brown. Why don't you put yours into a cold pan? No, but what I'm saying, yeah, put it in when it's hot and there's oil in it. Are you going to burn? It's going to stick. No, you need a better pan. If you dump mince into a hot pan, no oil,

it's going to go pfft and immediately No, it's going to brown. I don't, I put it in a hot pan and go pfft and get it all brown. No, no, no, no oil, it's going to go pfft and immediately No, it's going to brown. I put it in a hot pan and go pfft and get it all brown. No, no, no, no oil. Don't stir the mince from the start. Get that first layer brown. Put the slab on and then get the first layer brown. This woman is

crazy. And get it nice and fragrant before you move it around. Otherwise it's all grey. And the fourth tip, it'll smell like roast beef if you're doing it right. It is roast beef. It's minced beef, yes. Now, instead of using, never use a wooden spoon. Why do you always use a wooden spoon? I know.

This is why you're doing your mince all wrong, Fletch. Never use a wooden spoon. What is she using? A plastic whisk. A plastic whisk? Because it breaks down the lumps. What, does she want dusty mints? No, you just don't want chunky meatballs, accidental meatballs.

I have the mini meatballs. Number six, by browning the meat, you don't need to use various sauces and stuff to make it taste delicious. You've got a brown, beautiful, you don't chuck all this sauce on a steak. Same thing. No, but it's because it's a steak. You're not making spag bol. She's going to have a dry old spag bol. She said don't use

She's going to have a hell of a clean up on her hands with that pan situation. We can revisit that. And she said get creative with mints. And change the spices thus changing the flavour. Her main thing is like don't tutu with the mints. Don't use a wooden spoon to, like, chuck it around. She's going to have to have herself some bland-ass nachos, that's for sure.

No. And she's not on cleaning. She's the cook. I bet her poor husband has to scrub that pan for eight hours. I'm going to make mints tonight, and I'm going to do high heat. No, I don't have a kitchen. Scrap that. What about the electric fry pan?

Will it get hot enough? The one thing you can be guaranteed to be able to cook is mince and sausages because you've got an electric fry pan. All right, I'll do it on the electric fry pan. No oil, no touching, plastic whisk. No. I'll update you tomorrow. Yeah.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Do you, dear sir, madam, prefer to stay in a hotel or an air bed and breakfast? Thank you for using its full name. Yes, yeah, yeah. It's an air bed and breakfast. That is a flying bed and breakfast. It depends on where I am. If I'm in New Zealand, hotel. Really?

If I'm international, I like to be amongst people. You like to Airbnb. Yeah. Like how good is somewhere in like Europe, like somewhere authentic that's like a little cute. Yeah, yeah. Like cottage or something. Or a little apartment.

In gay Paris. Oh. Yeah. Wow. 73% of people said hotel. 27% said Airbnb. Wow. I like an Airbnb.

Who's going? Because sometimes if it's like my whole family, by that I mean my wife and my two children. And you see, some people have got like four children, which is crazy. I've got two, and that's a lot of work. That's nuts. If four is twice as much work as two, that's crazy.

Speaking of which, when's your vasectomy? I don't know. Got to sort that out, mate. Yeah, I got to sort that out. You're scared, aren't you? You're scared. Jessie Mulligan told me about a guy that puts liquid Valium in your arm. Oh, yes, please.

Apparently it's just a great weekend. Oh. Can I get one? I want a liquid Valium, I want a couple of whiskeys. Yes. And I don't want to know how I got home, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. National Radio's Jessie Mulligan.

National Radio's Jessie Mulligan loves National Radio's Jesse Mulligan loves Avalium. My goodness, I don't know if you should sully a national broadcaster's name like that. Why do you think he sounds so relaxed the whole time? Hey guys. He's talking about gardening normally. Yeah, loves that. Yum yum.

So 73% of people we're back onto Airbnb versus hotel, not Jesse Mulligan's, you know, burgeoning, availing problem. I'm the same. If I'm with people, you know, like tripping around, Airbnb, it's fun, you know, we're in a house. Whereas if I'm by myself, hotel room.

Yeah, but also the fees for Airbnb are just getting out of control. Like by the time you take in the fact that you're paying for this lovely Airbnb and then the cleaning fee, and sometimes you have to do a lot of the cleaning, it's more expensive. Hotels are always in built-up areas, and I like to go somewhere where there aren't going to be people, so Airbnb's a better option for that as well.

But you see travelling around with people, hotel, because if you're with multiple couples, it gives you area to just be by yourself. If you're in Airbnb, you can't just chill in the lounge because someone else will always be chilling in the lounge. Do you know what multiple couples, it gives you area to just be by yourself. Oh. Yeah, that's a good call. If you're in an Airbnb, you can't just chill in the lounge because someone else will always be chilling in the lounge. Do you know what's good, though, is if you're on a, say you're away on a vacation for like three weeks, but you do like hotels, a tactical Airbnb is good so you can do your washing every now and again.

Yeah, yeah, stop in. Not a bad idea. Courtney says, hotels 100%, Airbnb has gone crazy with all the additional fees you're paying for the room then a cleaning fee, then a service fee and a bloody breathing fee. A bloody breathing fee! Yeah, they do that. Kayla, Airbnb for sure, then you don't have

people walking past your door and listening to people loudly clapping at 1am and stomping around. I get that. Yeah, I get that. You wake up in a hotel, you think you're in your own bed and you freak out because there's stomp, stomp, stomp and loud, loud, loud and I can't find my key. And it's so quiet. What time of the day is it?

I don't even know what I'm, where am I? And these blackout curtains are real blackout curtains. Yeah, there was that time you got disorientated and thought you were at the toilet, Vaughan. Remember that? I did a wee-wees in the corner. Yes, I did. Yes.

We've all urinated in a hotel room, haven't we? Yeah. We've all urinated in a hotel room. I blame the Woodstocks. Erica says, Airbnb with kids, hotel without for sure. So there you go. It's just a room in a space thing. Central City, out for a good time hotel.

Escape, get away to escape at all, Airbnb with no contact with anyone preferred. I'm with Jess on that one. That's what I mean. Hotels are always in built up areas. Danielle, room service, daily fresh towel and someone makes you bed for you. It's hotel for me. Hotels are always in built-up areas. Danielle, room service, daily fresh towel, and someone makes you bed for you. It's hotel for me. Daily fresh towel.

Hang it up. Yeah. What do you need a daily fresh towel for? You wouldn't do that at home. Two weeks on the couch. Some people go through the towels. Some people go through the towels. What are they doing with these towels?

Lots of showers. Are you putting a towel down? It would be nice. When you have a shower. No, you put a towel down. They give you a bath mat. Are you soiling the bed with such

vigour that you need to put a towel down? What? Those towels aren't white, my friend. White towels. I know, but there's something about a hotel room. Yeah, I know, but just do it in the sheets. They wash them as well. No, they don't. Not every day. You sleep on the other side. What are you talking about?

Oh my God. Libby says if there's two of us in a hotel a group, it don't. Not every day. You sleep on the other side. What are you talking about? Oh my God. Libby says, if there's two of us in a hotel, a group, it's got to be an Airbnb. The mini milk's in the fridge. Duh. That's from Molly. Oh yeah, my kids love milk shots as well. Love a little tiny milk. Speaking of soiling

the sheets. Speaking of soiling the sheets, I have a friend. Shed the bed last night, did you? No, I have a friend a friend of the show. You guys both know him. He will get a hotel room with two beds. One's for eating and one's for sleeping. Oh, that's genius. Genius, yeah.

That's amazing. So he gets two queens. Yeah. Eats and, you know. The same price as a normal room and then, yeah, and eats in one and then makes a mess and then the other bed's for sleeping. But you could also use that for the other bed could be for fun.

Eats wasn't a euphemism. A fun bed is a sleep bed. No, it wasn't a euphemism. No. But if you were going to eat in the bed and then have fun in the bed, would you at least like do that thing where you sweep your arm across the bed

and sweep all the crumbs onto the ground before you make sweet love in there? Because whenever I'm in a hotel, I'm always eating bad and I'll always have chocolate and you drop a little bit of chocolate and it looks like you're pooping on the sheets. Yeah.

I once had to leave a note. Then you jump on the other bed and go to sleep. This is why you get a room with two beds. But the room keepers, room keepers? Housekeeping always thinks that you've pooped the bed regardless. Hotel cleaners,

if any of you are listening, this can be completely anonymous. How often do you pull back the duvet and someone's left a towel on the bed? Like they've put the towel regardless. Hotel cleaners, if any of you are listening, this can be completely anonymous, how often do you pull back the duvet and someone's left the towel on the bed? Like they've put the towel down. They've put the towel down and they've forgotten to take the towel away. How many times have you had to send Hayley's Satisfyer Pro 2 back to her?

No, that thing's on a lanyard. It's on a bungee cord. It's on a lanyard. She's never without. It stretches from the suitcase to the bed. Yeah, and it's got a solar charger, so whenever she's in the sunlight, she just pops it out, so it's never got a flat battery.

Absolutely genius. All right, that's silly little poll. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, Halloween's out of the way, so I'd expect Christmas penetration to be absolutely skyrocketing next time we report on that. Yeah, 1st of November today.

Yep, Halloween's are done. Probably a little bit of Guy Fawkes this week. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. I know. The cats. I know. The animals in a hole.

And then Christmas on the horizon last night, I went trick-or-treating with my daughters and my wife. Did they have a trick planned? No, no tricks. Oh, no, no tricks. So they just went treating? Just using their manners, you know. What a trick, eh? What a treat. What a treat for people to experience pleasantries from children on

All Hallows' Eve. A rarity. Yeah. We did come across a few unattended bowls where it was like, please take one and move on. You can tell people have taken more than one because it was 5.30 and they'd have been absolutely cleaned out. Didn't you watch a video this morning?

Of a kid. Yeah, you know how everybody's got ring cameras? Yes. You know, to see who drops off their packages and stuff? Yes. And then you can upload the video. This kid walks in and there's an entire bowl of candy. And he goes, what have we got here?

And this really amazing voice, because he looks about eight. What have we got here? And then he put his backpack down, opened it up, poured the entire bowl into, zipped it up, ripped the fingers at the ring camera, and then walked back out. What have we got here? Amazing. Which is beautiful.

But yeah, I think that happened in its droves last night. But yeah, great. Like, I think you've got to go to the, maybe I could be wrong in saying this, some of the older neighbourhoods, but it feels like the new subdivisions with like heaps of young families really get into the Halloween vibe. Lots of houses were decorated where we went. Right. Okay.

There was a dad hooting around on a quad bike throwing lollies. That's definitely a Christmastime thing. We only throw lollies in Santa parades. Yeah, but this was a ghoulish quad bike throwing lollies. So, look, if lollies are getting thrown in my direction, I'm open for it any time. Yeah. Still, I didn't think people were doing unwrapped lollies.

Someone just had a bowl of jelly beans. Oh, no, you can't do that. Not with COVID. Not in the modern era. Yeah, gross. Not in the modern era. What else did we see on our walk? Oh, heaps of parents had walking beers.

And I was really, like, jealous that I didn't think to take a couple of drinks. Mind you, my preferred drink is a whiskey and coke so I would have had to be pouring that on the walk. Yeah, could you have just taken some Cody's or some Woodstock's?

I could have taken a couple of Woody's, yeah, that's it. Yeah, but you know, those always invite trouble, don't they?

Yeah. Oh my God. Just walking along, some kid will come out of nowhere and punch you and take your Woody's. Yeah. Yeah,

but people were really into it. It was cool to see. You know what I, teenagers not even putting on a costume, just scooting around, grabbing lollies. You lot can piss off. At least put a mask on. I saw a kid that had made a last minute costume out of a Weet-Bix box. He'd just turned, he'd opened it.

I'm imagining he'd unfolded it right open And then turned it inside out Yeah And then into more of a circular situation And then put two eye holes in it Right Was that Ned Kelly? I don't know

He looked like the Pac-Man You know, the ghosts that Pac-Man chases Because he'd painted it red Oh, okay So, you know, kudos to him But then I could see that Underneath I could see the red The red and the blue of the Weet-Bix box But again, kudos to him, but then I could see that underneath, I could see the red and the blue of the Weet-Bix box.

But again, kudos to him. I saw the other night some girls just in their normal clothes with fairy wings on. You know, about 14 years old. Yes, that's what I'm talking about. Teenagers that are too old, they're too cool to put in the effort. But they want some lols. But they want free lolis. Yeah.

They're herning around. My daughter got a packet of dry seaweed. Yeah, nori. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Salty, salty nori. I love that stuff, but that's not a Halloween treat. No. No.

No. It's a health food. There was someone dressed as Pennywise, the clown, that just literally stood on the corner, like watching you come down the street. That was really creepy. I like that. And then everywhere he walked,

people thought they were being chased. So he really didn't need to put in much effort. What did you dress up as?. That was really creepy. I like that. And then everywhere he walked, people thought they were being chased. So he really didn't need to put in much effort. What did you dress up as? Just Vaughan Smith. Oh, Vaughan. Scary. Very scary. Yeah, the parents are going to dress up.

None of the parents don't have to dress up. Did Sade dress up? No, she didn't dress up. It's about the children. A little missed opportunity there. Letting the children have fun. My children went as Eddie from Stranger Things. So good.

August was Eddie and Indy was 11 and only a couple of people recognised their costumes but they were pretty stoked when they did. Well, it's quite a mature show for them to watch.

Yeah, they've never watched it. I think they've just seen clips of it and stuff on TikTok. Yeah, because it's like really full on. Yeah, yeah, really full on. Like it would give them nightmares and terrify them

and they wouldn't be able to sleep for forever but one day they'll watch it. Really full on. Yeah, yeah, really full on. Like it would give them nightmares and terrify them and they wouldn't be able to sleep for forever. But one day they'll watch it. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. All right, g'day to everybody. Kia ora.

A special kia ora to everybody listening to the show this morning. We're joined in studio by Cam Mansell from the ZM Night Show and more recently Celebrity Treasure Island. Ooh la la la. Hello everyone. Hi Cam, you didn't win. No. We're so disappointed. Legit though. Did you like it? I did.

I don't think I'd like it. I would hate it. And that last bit where I'm crying, having a fat cry. I was crying because I didn't want to come home. Really? Wow. That unhappy at home are you? Yeah. It's a real situation. Life is so boring off the island. Do you need us to intervene

in your home life? Oh, that'd be great if you could. Okay, that sounds like a serious off-air chat we could definitely have after this. We can do that. Are you naturally a competitive person? Not at all. See, this is my problem. I'm too competitive. So I would either withdraw from competition because I don't want to reveal too competitive. So I would either withdraw from competition because I don't want to reveal my ugly head

or I would get too carried away, thus revealing my ugly head. Yes. Do you know what I mean? Yes, I do. Who was the most competitive person? 100% Courtney. Right.

Yeah. She's competitive as hell, which is quite funny to watch. Yeah. And she loves to pace. When she's got to make a decision, she's just like pacing up and down to watch. Yeah. And she loves to pace. When she's got to make a decision, she's just like pacing up and down the beach. Yeah, wow. Some thoughtful walking.

Yeah. Now, it felt like last minute when you got hooked into Celebrity Treasure Island. It was quite last minute. Yeah, because no one knew and then all of a sudden it was like, oh, we need someone to fill in on the night show because Cam's going to do Celebrity Treasure Island. Yeah. What can we say about that?

It was all very quick. I basically found out on the Thursday night at like 9.30pm and at 10am the next morning I was driving to location. Get out. Yeah. Because I know when Chris Parker, for example, did it last season, he was sharing with me that he, well, I didn't know what it was for, but it last season, he was sharing with me that he, well, I didn't know what it was for,

but I know now, he was getting swimming lessons so that he could be stronger in the water and a bit more, like, confident there. But you had no prep. No prep at all. I would shred. If I'm going to be on television,

I mean, you've got a great natural body. I've got to work on mine. Definitely don't have a great body. That first episode was like a water challenge. Shred off, and I was just like, oh, this is all bad. They didn't give you any time. No time at all. Sam Wallace, he did a shred, didn't he, before he went? Is that when he did the shred?

Yeah. Not that you have to, but you know what I mean? Sam Wallace recently put on five kilograms on a holiday to America. Yeah, he did. How long was he there for? Not that long. It was actually like to me and mine. I was like, I'd like to know exactly how this happened.

I've done it before. What? How often was your mouth not having food in it? Season one, great Kiwi Bake Off. Oh, just every day, all the carbs. Yeah, it was two weeks shooting and I put on 6.5. Yeah.

Whereas Celebrity Trishon is famous for losing weight. I lost eight. Eight kilograms. Now he's angry. No. I still don't want to do it. Because I'm very tooty as well. So just beans and rice.

It's not going to work for me. Eight kilograms. Who are you playing for? Who is your charity? I was playing for Music Helps. Right. Yeah. They basically are an incredible organisation that they've been working with musicians since before the COVID pandemic.

But especially since the COVID pandemic, like offering money, like financial support and also mental health support as well. That's amazing. Yeah. Can we talk about your beautiful relationship with Dame Susan? Oh my gosh. Yes, please. I love her. Can we talk about your beautiful relationship with Dame Susan? Oh my gosh, yes please. I love her. So it's an unlikely friendship. It was an unlikely friendship. I'm not going to lie, when she first

arrived on the island I was terrified of her. She's tough. She is tough. She just says it how it is, which I think a lot of people to begin with were kind of like, eh. But then as you get to know her more, you're like that's just who she is and she's amazing. So do you think, you know, like, that this is a friendship for life? That you'll actually keep in touch?

100%. We were texting last night. Aww. That's pretty cute. What were you chatting about? And she was from Tauranga too. You'd be too young to remember her as a demon on the squash court. Definitely do not remember that.

No, no, no. She was a fierce woman on the squash court. When she arrived, I was like, I don't know who this is. But I fell in love with her. But she's a dame, I guess. What is she? Royalty? Yeah, she must own her.

Anyway, you did us proud because you're a crafty bastard. Thank you. You made it so far. What did you get top six? Top six. Well, top five or six, depending on how you look at it. It sounds better. What can you tell us about?

Because it's the final, like the big chase, right? Yes. Tomorrow. Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night. Do you know the outcome? I do know the outcome. Are you delighted by the outcome?

I am delighted by the outcome. How much is your NDA with TVNZ? How much will they fine you, sue you for if you let it slip? I'd have to reread the contract. Have a re-look at that contract. Open up your phone now and we'll just get it out of you. What, can we afford it? Producer Anna, can we afford this?

Show budget? Yes, we can. Show budget. Who wins? We can blow up in an NDA. So you would say to any fellow celebrity, I mean you're in a room bloody packed with them right now, who was ever approached

to do this that it's a good time. 100% you learn so much about yourself and I'm done learning about honestly.

You don't want to? Too much self reflection lately. I dabbled in therapy this year I learnt too much. I jumped out. Well I'm booked in

with a therapist for 1.30 so Are you done learning? Everyone's getting the therapy. Good on you guys. It's good. Cam thanks for coming in. Thanks therapist for 1.30. Oh, well, are you done burning? Everyone's getting the therapy. Good on you guys. It's good.

Cam, thanks for coming in. Thanks so much for having me. This is the opposite end of the day that you're usually in the studio. I know. I feel like this chat's been real average, but I'm definitely not awake yet. No. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

For me, my relationship strives when I'm on holiday with Aaron we get away from it all strives strives no it's not strives thrives

thrives I was like what is a strive we're striving for just something no it's like you're like ha

ha we gotta keep going Aaron thrives thrives on a holiday and 42% of couples agree with me that they found that lost spark by going on a beautiful romantic vacation. There is nothing better than when you see a couple having a huge fight

at like a famous landmark. Some people have seen the Smiths have a good blow-up overseas. Same. We really Don't. Why are we doing that? I'm not going to go there. Tensions are high. You're a little bit stressed out. You're tired. Yeah.

You've probably just cost yourself some money by doing something stupid. I know. I always feel like there's the idea of the romantic holiday. Because I get it. You're in a hotel room. Things are a little bit sexy. You're all bronzed and tired and a bit the idea of the romantic holiday. Because I get it. You're in a hotel room. Things are a little bit sexy. You're all bronzed and tired and a bit drunk most of the time. I get it.

The spark comes back. But there's a lot of tension. So when I read this stat about 42% of couples found their lost spark after a beautiful vacation, I want to hear the other stories of, as you say, when you're sitting in a cafe in Italy and you're going, oh, oh, Aaron, Aaron, the couple behind us are having a fight. Aaron, shh,

they're having a fight and we have a little listen. They're Australians, I can tell by their accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are they fighting about? What are they fighting about? I told you I wouldn't go to the Leaning Tower of Pisa. I don't want to go there. Oh, I don't want to go there. I want to go there. There's a pub around the corner go there. We've been there. I want to go into a pub around the corner and play in the game.

You go on your own. Yeah. I'm not going on my own. I'm not going on my own. Who's going to take a photo of me pretending to hold up the Tower of Paisley, you bastard? It's high school. I'm not missing calling warden the bloody AFL phone. I want to know when a holiday ruined your relationship.

It's always a big test, isn't it, of a relationship, that first overseas holiday. You should travel with someone before you propose to them. Don't they say, yeah, before you get married, you've got to travel overseas together, go through a death together. Oh. And there was something about a house, but that's out of reach. Should you murder someone if you haven't had a death then?

You simply must. If the wedding date is approaching, find someone, preferably not a good person, to just murder and go through that together. Oh, that's what it was, the third one. Experience a death and bury and hide a body together. Oh, that's the third one. God, I tell you what, if you can't dig a nice

deep hole without having an argument, you're not meant to be. No, exactly. And I've got a big strong boy. Yeah, but he's got a bit of a sore back, doesn't he? Yeah, he's got a crook back. He could get to two foot down and then all of a sudden the back plays up. You've got to step up and do the remaining four. Thus the fighting begins.

But this is what I want to know. When did a holiday ruin your relationship? Or when did you have an absolute barney on a holiday? Did you survive? Yeah, and then what? Maybe you had to come back not talking to each other but sat next to each other on the plane. Or you got separate seats.

Yes, what if you came back separately? Yes, different flights. I'm changing my flight. An absolute statement. You land back from holiday and you never have seen them again. You don't talk to them. It's over. It was over.

Somebody's messaged in saying that they don't travel well with their partner so they take separate holidays. Huh. Isn't enjoying a holiday together, you get to live shared experience. Yeah. You know, at the end of it, you can look back and be like, oh, that argument was silly. But there are couples that do this, that holiday separately.

I know this is a thing. Wow. I mean, the modern relationship, it has no this, that holiday separately. I know this is a thing. Wow. I mean, the modern relationship, it has no rules, right? You might live a great life at home, great home life, be great parents maybe, but you just don't holiday well. Then how can you stand living with someone, but you can't stand being in another country with them? Or going through stress.

That's a new thing. That's wild. If you have kids with someone, that's an extremely stressful test. That's a new country. That's a new country. That's a new region, new territory. Yeah, but you couldn't take them to America. Okay, well, give us a call. 0800-DARLS-AT-M.

We want to hear your text messages as well into the studio. 9696. When did a holiday ruin or nearly ruin your relationship? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We're talking if a holiday ruined your relationship. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We're talking if a holiday ruins your relationship. Stats say that it shouldn't. It should reinvigorate it, maybe add a little spark back to it. But it's certainly not the case with the text messages we've been getting.

I know, these are juicy. I love this. Certainly no shortage of calls, no shortage of messages. Let's firstly go to the phone and no fun. Oh, it's our little screen's gone off kilter. Okay. Some messages in. I got stuck hanging out with his mate's girlfriend and baby while he went hunting and fishing

for the following five days. And then we flew home and moved out of our rental. That was the end of that. Oh my God. Wow. And then we flew home and moved out of our rental. That was the end of that. Oh, my God. Yeah. It's better not to take partners if you're never going to see them on the holiday. If you don't plan to or unless like if it was like a boys trip, right? And then the partners come along and they hang out as well.

Yeah. And they get on. Or if you really want to make a point because you said this trip's going to be a real, like it's going to be hunting and then they said, I want to come anyway. And you said, well, you're going to be stuck hanging out with this person. And they're like, yeah, I know,

but I want to come anyway. And you're like, I don't think you're going to enjoy yourself. And they say, I want to come anyway. And then you take them to prove the point. And then they don't enjoy themselves and you go, I told you. I told you so. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, ending a holiday with it and I told you so. That's a sweet, sweet feeling. Mm-hmm. I mean, none of these have ended well. Went to Canada to a husky ranch run by the same company as Camp America. Ended. She's on the phone.

Hello. Good morning. Morning. Jodie, you went to the Husky Ranch. Yeah, so it's the same company that's run by Camp America. So we were like, this is going to be amazing. This is going to be fantastic. Love dogs.

And we got there and it was four hours out of Toronto, middle of nowhere. The first day we got there, it was negative 40. And they were like, it's just going to be 10 minutes. You're going to meet the dogs. Like three hours later like I passed out because I was so cold

the next day they were like you need to be there at 6am but then like no one showed us how to get there so we're like

walking in like knee deep snow at 6 in the morning trying to find the ranch now whose idea was it was it your idea or your partner's idea to go and do this

fun doggy trip it was mine. Ew. So when did you first apologise for the holiday perhaps not living up to your expectations? When she was hacking frozen dog crap out of ice and crying. Gee. And crying, did you say? I feel like I'm a privileged kid who's been sent somewhere to learn a lesson.

Like it's a Netflix show about how sweet your life's been, but you're a little spoiled brat to your parents. Yeah, literally. And like, oh, everything went wrong with that trip. Like we started in New York, our drinks got spiked, ended up in an emergency room, changed our flight, and we left Canada. Did you survive as a couple?

Yes, yeah. We're actually getting married next year. See, you've got to put yourself to the test. Hugh Kelly Clarkson's What Doesn't Kill Us Makes Us Stronger. Jodie, thank you so much for your call. There's so many, this is like, I feel like I'm a fly on the wall

into these marriages and relationships. These messages are ridiculous. A lot from Americans fighting, which I really enjoy. I'm going on my first weekend away for my birthday. He's dropped a bombshell that his best friend and wife, whom I like but don't really want to spend time with, will be with us as that's a tradition they have.

Oh, no. See, but you're the Johnny Hunt lately. You're the latest addition to the party. If they've been doing this for 30 years, then do you have to just suck it up and plan another weekend away with them? You know how we were saying the things that you've got to go through before you get married?

Someone's just texted and said, can you add to the must-dos before marriage? Print high-quality large photos at a photo kiosk at Warehouse Stationery. Did it over the weekend and nearly walked away from my wife and unborn child. Good luck. What are their disagreements? Are we going to do a white border?

Is it going to be a matte finish? Always do a matte finish. No, you can't do matte. It's got to be gloss. Oh, my God. 1980s cool. They want their photo finished back. Why don't we do it on a canvas?

Oh, yeah. A canvas. I'm not hanging the canvas. We can frame the canvas. Yeah, you don't frame a canvas. Photos on canvas, yuck. Yuck. Also, let's do a silly little poll on gloss or matte,

because matte is going to win. Let's do a poll on are you still printing photos first? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are you putting these? Play. Sid Ams, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Now. Oh, he's upset.

He's livid. Four years, you can hear it. Oh, my God. He's livid. You should feel the energy in the room. Fletch, it has just changed. It just dropped a couple of degrees in here, didn't it? It did.

It dropped a couple of degrees. Now, imagine my surprise yesterday when I'm outside doing chores, doing bits and pieces. God, what was I doing yesterday? Digging a trench, resetting some rat traps. By the way, one of my rat traps went off and there was a rat in it, but I hadn't checked it for a while. Oh.

That came to bits. That needed a wash. I'm too busy after work. I need a nap on a beanbag. Oh, no, no, no. There's always jobs to do on. Le Petite Farmlette. Is that what you called it? Le Petite Farmlette. The Little Farm. Le Petite Farmlette. Yeah, the Little Farm. He doesn't

have a La Petite tractor, though, does he? I do not have La Petite Tractor! He's upset about that. So, imagine my surprise when I go in and my lovely wife had done the weekly shop. She is lovely. Opting for Countdown this week. Where do you usually go? New World?

Pack and Save. Oh, okay. Pack and Save is usually the big weekly shop. And then the top up is the local New World. It's less distance to travel. So Countdown this week and she came home with an armful of these bricks that are happening at the moment. The Countdown bricks. Right. My daughter with an armful of these bricks that are happening at the moment, the Countdown bricks. Right.

My daughter's just lovely, mystery bags and stuff, that sort of stuff still excites them. So they're tearing into these bags and I come inside and they have discovered that the farmer in the new Countdown Little Farm bricks, it's me. The farmer is me it really is I walked in completely coincidentally

dressed exactly like the farmer and the farmer's a white man with a beard and a hat just like the Akubra Stockman hat that I inherited from my grandfather I was wearing a green swan dry checkered

exactly like the little farmer and checkered exactly like the little farmer blue jeans exactly like the little farmer that is you i know and i didn't know and then i was like this is unbelievable this is truly outrageous that my likeness has been robbed stolen yeah stolen without you know a commission being paid. Of course. This look. I mean, I get literally messages every week and be like, hi, my friend looks like you, and it's just a white guy with a beard who likes to wear a beanie.

Yeah. That's all that is required. Generally bald under the beanie, but that's why he's wearing a beanie because he's got a cold head. Yeah. No hair. So then I pull up the Countdown website to have a look at the rest of these wares, guess who's staring back at me as the farmer's wife? It's my wife!

Jesus! My wife! Are you sure it's your wife? She is wearing a set of overalls. Granted, my wife doesn't wear a yellow long-sleeved shirt underneath a pair of green dungarees, but damn it, she couldn't. You know what? She'd look good in them.

Also, the wife, the farmer's wife, ambiguous in race. Exactly. As your wife is. Cliff Curtis syndrome, which my wife, I'm not going to say suffers from Cliff Curtis syndrome. She has Cliff Curtis syndrome. She could be from anywhere. Literally, we go anywhere in the world and people just assume,

Sade, my wife, who is hot. Exactly. Yeah. In the islands, wherever we assume Sade, my wife, who is hot. Yeah. In the islands, wherever we go, when she was pregnant, Maori woman would start speaking to her in te reo and she was like, oh, I'm not Maori, apologies. In Hawaii, people thought she was Hawaiian. Yeah.

In LA, people thought she was Latino, like everywhere. This little. Ambiguous. Character looks exactly like that. Where are you from? So then they obviously got a little bit worried that there were Icarus flying too close to the sun and their wings were going to burn.

So their dog, it's not a golden retriever, it's more of your traditional black and white border collie. Border collie, yeah. Then goat, I got one of those. Yeah. Chicken and eggs. Plenty of those. Got those too. Although they. I got one of those. Yeah. Chicken and eggs. Plenty of those. Got those too.

Although they're dying at a rapid rate. Yeah, the last three I think are going to be survivors. Pig. You got pigs. Granted, I've got coony coony pigs. This is your traditional pink pig. The cow is a far cry from the highland cattle. Your long horns.

And sheep is the last animal, but I got rid of our sheep. They haven't been eaten, don't worry. Look, I'm not a lawyer, but I think you'd be stretching here to win a court case. Yeah, I really feel like there's not a lot of money in this. In fact, I think you're going to lose money by paying for a lawyer. What did I plant in my garden this week? My real life vegetable garden.

Spinach, also available. Tomatoes, also available. Potatoes, also available. Wait, so you're having a countdown for Countdown for having tomatoes and spinach available? They're copying. No, they're not. They're a super market. I've got an orange tree.

I've got an apple tree. I've got a peach tree and an avocado tree. I'm just saying, everything they've got. Do you have... Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. That's my lawyers this afternoon at Countdown headquarters. Million bucks. So you're saying Countdown, a million bucks.

Lawyer up, Countdown. Lawyer up. But you're also not one inch tall and yellow, you know? Like, you're not a little brick character. He's not yellow either. His skin tone, hold it next to my face, it's exactly the same. He is. He's just a little Pakeha figure.

Yeah, they're not yellow. They're not like Lego. And then I looked at the extras you can get because I was like, if this bastard's got a tractor, I'm going to hit the roof. You know how much I want

the Le Petit Tractor. Don't sell it for a million. Sell it for a tractor. I want a tractor. If your farmer's got a tractor, this farmer wants a tractor. He doesn't have a tractor though I looked.

You can buy extra things. There's the farmhouse. I live in a house. On a farm of sorts. I mean, the parallels don't end. You're really stretching here. There's the farmhouse. I live in a house. Oh, my farm of sorts. I mean, the parallels don't end. You're really stretching here. A quad bike. I've got one of those.

There's a little farm truck. Now, I don't have one of those, but I do have my Land Rover, which looks, you know, somewhat trucky. Does he have a little microphone and some headphones? He's got a farm shed. What have I got? What have I recently had? Big shed.

A shed. Let's call that more of a garage. It's a big garage, yes, but, you know, it could be a shed. All I'm saying is this can't be ignored. I reckon it needs to be ignored. Lawyer up. You need a lawyer up. Or meet me halfway and buy me a little track account

and I'm willing to forget all of this ever happened. All right. This is me, by the way, going forward. I'm just going to hold big companies with lots of money to ransom on, you know, just strengthen defence and just demand tractors from everybody until I get a little tractor. Also, I feel like your legal fees would be the price of a little tractor anyway. Same, same.

Just buy a little tractor. No, because my lawyers will get me that and then some more money to cover it as well. And then they'll have to pay your legal fees. Do lawyers also accept rides on the back of a little tractor as payment? No. Pro bono. It could be pro bono, yeah. It seems like a really important case for society.

I think it's pro bono. All I'm saying is the next time you tear open one of those bags and that little face is staring back at you, you've now got a little Vaughan in the house. It's a dream come true. Which is also what your wife calls you, right? Yeah, you do all the time. A little Vaughan in the house. A little plastic Vaughn in the house. It's a dream come true. Which is also what your wife calls you, right? Yeah, you do. I've got a little Vaughn in the house.

A little plastic Vaughn of the house. Yeah, so anyway. Good news, you bloody goofy, goofy boys. Apparently, goofy is the new sexy. Goofy is the new sexy? Yeah, according to two in three people. That's big numbers there. Two-thirds of people claim that someone who is funny, playful, silly and goofy

are far more attractive than someone who is just sexy. How good is just sexy? No, I can't. How good is just sexy? No, I can't. How good is just sexy? I can't. You know when you see those really earnest people on TikTok who are like, yeah, today I'm going to wear these high-waisted trousers I found at an op shop.

And they put them on and you're like, ooh. Good lord, I want to rip those right off. But they cost them $8 and they look like they have a million. I know, but they don't have a laugh in them. I'm on board. I think funny is sexy. But then this is goofy funny.

Well, yeah, goofy, funny, light, silly, playful. Right. All those things. Right. Now, they say that, so because of this, the fact that funniness is more important than sexiness these days, they say the best way to message someone on a dating app is to go for humour. Open with a joke.

It's too subjective. And opening with a joke just sounds like a corny pick-up line. Clever, not cringey, they say. So you've got to kind of – One man's clever, another man's cringey. Yeah, I know. But maybe not even like a joke. Like, are those pants on your legs or are you just wearing a skirt?

You know? Let's just hope you're never single. Yeah, I know. I'm just confused. But just light, being light and playful. 60% of people said they're more likely to respond to a message if it's funny or clever. That's so much pressure funny clever uh and three and four said that a shared sense of humor is considered a massive turn on you make a shared sense of humor oh yeah nothing's better you know

you see couples and they don't like ever like make each other laugh i know and you're like oh they're not gonna last and they really do Unless they're both like such utter bores that they don't need it. Well, because they're asleep the whole time. Yeah, they're just both very, very boring people. But you know,

if they both like laugh when other people are doing things but they don't make each other laugh, that's often a sign that it's not going to last, right? Yeah, yeah.

You've got to laugh. I don't know. If I read this being a single person on a dating app and I said, don't worry, you can nab a great date, just be clever on the first message, I'd be paralysed with fear.

Yeah. It's not going to work. No. I'm going to Google because Google never lead me astray. Clever opening chat lines. No, no, no. It's going to be terrible. It's just going to be a pickup line.

No, because then you'll know. You'll just know that it's copy and pasted from Google. No, no, no. It's going to be terrible. It's just going to be a couple of lines. No, because then you'll know. You'll just know that it's copy and pasted from Google. No, but the... Like when you go to a wedding and the best man's speech, as you can tell, like someone's just Googled, like, great jokes to tell at a wedding. At a wedding, I know. It's like, all right, everybody with, you know,

a key to their house, hey, you better bloody bring up those keys. And then everyone comes up with a key. And then it's the jokers that all these women that you invited to your wedding had keys to your now husband's house. What is going on here? Okay. Okay, here's one that's suggested from the internet.

So you, it's a match. And then you open it. And I've messaged saying cheese, pepperoni, or Hawaiian. Is that a pizza order? Yeah. Oh, okay. That's that. Well, no, that's not good at all.

Did you just unmatch, Vaughn? We've unmatched. Yeah, I unmatched. Yeah. Because she went for dumb pizza flavours. Where's your chicken, camembert, and brie? We live a little. It's a classic.

Where's our meat lovers, you know? Where's your supreme Yeah Super supreme How good supreme Supreme is I forgot Supreme by name

Supreme by nature You've got your mushrooms You've got your capsicums You've got your tomato base Yeah What else is on it Everything That's it

Supreme A lot Anyway good luck to everyone out there Because honestly Every time I read one of these articles I just think Yeah it feels like We talk about Anyway, good luck to everyone out there because honestly, every time I read one of these articles, I just think, no thanks. Yeah, it feels like we talk about this heaps.

If these losers are still out there to single, can they be helped? You've missed the boat. Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's Fact of the Day is about the book, subsequent movie,

a lot of different properties, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Heard of it? No. What? Have you seriously never heard of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Heard of it? No. What? Are you serious? You've never heard of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea? No. One of the, like, original, very famous sci-fi books by Jules Verne.

No. You've never heard of it? No. Oh, forget about it. Today's fact of the day. This is obviously not going to work. This is... No.

You've heard of it, right, Fletch? I've heard of it, but I don't really know too much about it. Great submarine adventure. Why would I have heard of a sci-fi book about submarines? Because it's from 1869. It was like, I wasn't around. It's like War of the Worlds. They didn't have submarines in 1869.

They did, but not as fanciful. But this is the whole idea of it. It was like writing about travelling to the moon before travelling to the moon. It was sci-fi. And now sci-fi's not on the screen. Captain Nemo? He's who Nemo's named after in Fighting Nemo. That is a fish from Disney.

It's who the captain, it's who the fish is named after. No, the film is named after the main character that is Nemo. The submarine is called the Nautilus. It's a clown fish that goes missing and the dad's looking for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but he's called Nemo. Finding Nemo is about- I know he's called Nemo.

That's why it's called Finding Nemo. A big undersea adventure. Yeah. There's parallels to be drawn, but Captain Nemo- I don't think there are. The captain and designer of the Nautilus. The Nautilus, the famous submarine they go in? No, Vaughan.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everybody listening with some grasp of fine literature. Anyway, when I was growing up and I heard of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, I thought they went 20,000 leagues down. Again, nothing? Nope. Cool. I'll just wrap this up then.

It's called 20,000 legs, which roughly translate 20,000 metrics legs as 80,000 kilometres. Wait, are you saying legs or legs? Oh my god! Do you know a leg is a measurement of distance? A what? A leg! A leg! I've got long legs, Jared's got short legs.

You can't use legs. No, that's stupid short legs. You can't use legs to measure. No, that's stupid. You must use a standard measurement of distance. It's a league. It's a measurement. A leg of a race depends on the size of the race. Wait, are you saying league like the game rugby league? Yeah, except the

league, it's a measurement. It's a measurement of distance. You've got to be kidding me that you didn't know that the league is a... No, that's a collective... Like the length of a league field. No. Because sometimes you do use football fields to measure that. Yeah, like you're like, oh, that building's so big, it's eight football fields.

Gerard, can you turn their microphones off, please? And I will continue to say 20,000 metric leagues... Don't silence a woman. Oh, yeah. Gerard, you're cancelled. I'm sorry. I'm being silenced in the workplace. Ger Don't silence a woman. Oh, yeah. Jared's cancelled. Jared, you're cancelled. I'm sorry. I'm being silenced in the workplace. Jared silenced the woman.

He's South African too. You know what I like? Far out. All right. Jared's cancelled. 20,000 metric leagues is 80,000 kilometres, which is nearly twice the circumference of the earth. Why wouldn't you just use kilometres?

Because it was old and it was French. He was French. Captain Nemo was French. He's a French captain. Because it's old and French. This is so stupid. So Captain Nemo, their 20,000 legs under the sea, I've always was of the opinion that's how deep they went.

But, of course, that's ridiculous because it's 80,000 kilometres. It's how long their entire journey under the sea was. They were down it's 80,000 kilometres. It's how long their entire journey under the sea was. They were down there for 80,000 kilometres. You shouldn't be a captain if you're not using kilometres. No, and I couldn't take a captain. It was a long time ago! I couldn't follow a captain or trust a captain who's named after a Disney Pixar character.

It's named after him. You know what I mean? I would look at him and think, what a silly little clownfish. I am... Is he a clownfish or an angelfish him and think, what a silly little clownfish I'm, I'm Is he a clownfish or an angelfish? He's a clownfish. Clownfish. Different different Nemo but he is a clownfish. Captain Nemo

human. Captain of a submarine. Called the normal city design himself. Today's fact of the day is 20,000 leagues under the sea was how far they travelled under the sea not how deep they went Fact of the day, not how deep they went. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Hello and good morning to all of our

Kia ora and good morning to our Kia ora and good morning to our Kia ora and good morning to our Kia ora and good morning to our Kia ora and good morning to our listeners listeners you're in the spotlight today

because the police have been called to the Kia ora and good morning to our branch of the KFC because there was no chicken and an irate customer lost the plot which couldn't get a fix oh god yeah the woman had become enraged

and called 111 yes a female ordered chicken online Oh, God. Yeah, the woman had become enraged. And called 111. Yes, a female ordered chicken online, and when she went down, she was told they couldn't fulfill her order as they've run out, and she wouldn't get a refund for about three days, so she lost the plot. And the police were called about a lack of chicken at KFC. Wow.

Big day. Big question. Something I genuinely don't know. Does KFC. Wow. Big day. Big question. Something I genuinely don't know. Does KFC do beef? Do they do a beef burger? No. No, I'm just saying. It's not KFB.

I know. They don't do anything apart from chicken. I know chicken is their thing, but, you know, they also do a veggie burger, so I wondered if they had a beef burger option. Right. No, they don't. Do they still do a three-bean. So I wondered if they had a beef burger option. Right. No, they don't. Do they still do a three-bean salad?

Someone needs to have a word to them about that. A three-bean salad. Nobody wants that gross three-bean salad trash. To get your health kick at KFC, it's the coleslaw. Yeah. Wow. It's your absolute health kick. Apparently, it all kicked off.

There was quite the commotion down there as the police arrived. And it got us thinking like that's Te Ao Mutu's headline for the day, the week, the month. The year. Perhaps the year. Perhaps the headline of the year for Te Ao Mutu.

I was wondering what incident in your town made you embarrassed to be from your town? Small regional New Zealand, every regional New Zealand town is pretty much Florida, absolutely packed with crazies. There's good, good, wholesome people, don't get me wrong, soul to the earth out there, but there's, you know, per capita, there's a few crazies in the small towns and the regions.

Yeah. So some stuff happens, but I would love to know what made you embarrassed or when did your little town hit the headlines for not the most, you know, the best reasons? Okay, well, let's take some calls. 0800 dials at emmycontext as well, 9696. It doesn't have to be recent either, does it? No, no.

It could have just been a big headline over the years. In 1994 in Morrinsville, a guy with a crossbow walked into the police station and he demanded Paul Holmes come and deal with the situation. Seasoned broadcaster, RIP, we've lost him now. Sir Paul Holmes by the time he passed, but he wasn't a sir at the time. And did he jump in a helicopter and go down?

Holmesie fired up the helicopter, or the Holmesie-copter it was called then. It's called the Hoskin-copter now. He just uses that for weekend wineries though, doesn't he? Yeah, get home to dodge the traffic because he doesn't want to sit in his multi-hundred-thousand-dollar European luxury car. If anybody else has driven in cars, of course, that's when you crank out the Hoskin-copter. But yeah, Holmesy was on his way down when the situation was resolved. Wow.

Yeah, and that was Morrinsville's big moment in there. And you were proud to be in the museum, weren't you? I'm trying to think about Eastbourne where I grew up. It was a terrible murder. Yeah, maybe not that serious. Maybe some more lighthearted silliness in your small town. Okay, yeah. Proud moment for Tawamutu yesterday. Yeah, please call

to the local KFC to do an issue with a lack of chicken. They're just KF. Not really what a 1-1-1 call should be about. No.

A 10-5? Yeah, it's a 10-5. It's a 10-5. Yeah. Is it though? We're going to refund the money because it was paid for online

but it was going to take a few days. I get that. Right. I get that. I can be frustrated. Well, we want to know when you've been really proud to be from your hometown. Like this story.

Somebody else said that, I'm just regarding Morrinsville. They said Morrinsville's made us proud in many, many ways. Oh, yeah. And did I know that they whipped cream in a can there was a giant whipped cream can out of the Tartua factory. Oh that's cool I did know that. I think I got blown down. That was in the headlines too. It got blown down. The taking

down of it was also a problem We have got Colleen on the phone Colleen what small town are you from first of all? Hi I'm from Cambridge. Beautiful town. Cambridge often in the headlines. What particular headline was it for you in Cambridge?

Okay, so this was years ago when I was at high school. I went to Cambridge High. We had a principal called Alison Annan, and she gave the okay to give credits for picking up rubbish. Oh, I remember this. I remember this. I remember this. Yeah, a couple of lunchtime pickups

of the old chippy packets and you could get a couple of NCA credits. Yeah, yeah. And actually, we would get the answers on the board written down for us if we got it wrong. Wow. You said that the school would pass.

Yeah, because maybe... So the school would pass. Yeah, because maybe... So the school would pass. Yeah. Because they had like a really high rate of pass. Yeah, your school rates would come out and it'd be like, oh God. Yeah, they don't. So like a few schools did that, eh? A bit of doctoring in the day.

Yeah, yeah. So it's pretty common if you're from Cambridge High and from that era, then people think that, yeah, you just got giving your credits, which you did. When you got out into the real world, were you like, oh my God, I actually know nothing? Yeah. Where are the answers? Yeah.

Where's the board with all the answers on them? Wow. Colleen, thanks. Yeah. Thanks, you call. Keep your texts coming in. 9696 0800 dials at M is the number. Yeah, when did your small town make the headlines?

Perhaps not the best reason. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. I tell you, we're getting a lot of stories about when your small town perhaps hasn't made you that proud with making the headlines. I had no idea the amount of public reports of inappropriate relationships with livestock. Wow, really? Multiple reports, multiple reports. Te Aroha, I remember that because that's next to Morrinsville. That was a great day for Morrinsville. Yeah, because

you were like, oh, we're not that bad. Shelbyville, Springfield vibe, you know, competitive small towns next to each other going on there. There's another report, Fielding, another report from Harwood. I didn't know this was happening so often. I just didn't know. Someone messaged in, there was a news story about people picking daffodils on the side of the roads on Sundays as you're not allowed to buy flowers

on Sundays. It's against the law in the Channel Islands where this person's from. Chiefs. Kerry, you're from mighty Invercargill. Yep. Good morning to you. Good morning.

When did you hit the headlines? You've got a normal good morning. I haven't lived in Invercargill for a wee while but it's still hot. That R every time that R rolls off your tongue, it wants to roll around in it. Dirty purple work shirt. Yeah, dirty purple

work shirt. What makes you embarrassed of Invercargill? What was the headline? The headline was that previous mayor Tim Shadbot was the first person to ever swear on national TV. Oh, God. I mean, he's a goodie, isn't he? He's a gift that keeps giving. But also, I thought it was...

What were you going to say, Fletch? I thought it was going to be the pooper, the pool pooper. Me too, the infamous pool pooper. Yeah, there was that too. Did you see recently Kerry, Tim Shadbolt doing an interview and he fell asleep mid-sentence? It was bliss. It was absolutely bliss.

You know when your dad swears he's watching a telly show but he keeps nodding off? Yes. No, no, I was just resting one eye at a time. I'm still watching. Turn it off. Kerry, thank you for your call. Zamara, what's your small town?

Oh, Zamara hung up on us. Or do we hang up on Zamara? Oh, producer Jared. Rude, very rude. I'm going to call her back. My hometown, someone messaged in my hometown of Wauku, just south of Auckland. Oh, producer Jared. Rude. Very rude. I'm going to call it back. Someone messaged in my hometown of Wauku, just south of Auckland. Got on 7 Sharp a few years back as the college had a mullet of the week.

Competition of so many students had mullets. They wanted to show off the best one each week on the school's Facebook page. I'm going to say it. Mullets are hot. I love a mullet. Oh. Yeah, love a mullet. Nah.

Grab onto the reins. The unsolved mystery of the Raglan cat killer bought shame to the area eight years ago, made the news in a few TV shows. The Raglan cat killer. Zamara, we're sorry we hung up on you. Hi. Hi. What's your small town and when did it make the headlines?

So I live in Hamilton. Yeah. Beautiful. And, yeah, we got, like, the worst rates in STI for, transmissions for like five years running. Yeah, Clap City. Commedia, we were like number one. So they call it Clap City. It was the golden triangle, wasn't it?

You could draw a line between Hamilton, Gisborne and Palmerston North, as I recall. Yeah, so I think it's like Wellington now, but yeah, we were like champions for a while there. Is it? Well, congratulations. Well done for rapping it. Rapping it or perhaps just abstaining completely, Hamilton.

Oh, yeah, well, the pandemic would have had something to do with that. But, oh, look, round to antibiotics, you'll be right. Don't leave it unchecked. Until the antibiotics stop working. Yeah, until you become antibiotic-resistant chlamydia and then it's all over. Some other messages. In my small town of Milton in the South Island made headlines when a prisoner escaped from the Otago prison

was on the loose for about a week and he was found in the local sharing quarters hot water cupboard. What? It was in the middle of winter. Everybody thought he had freeze to death before being found, but he stayed alive by snuggling up to a hot water cylinder, which is where you put your damp shoes.

Your damp knickers. Your. Your damp knickers. Yeah, your damp socks and undies. Undies, yeah. Yeah. But no, it was a go-go. So there you go. Tia Muru, you're getting off lightly because it was just a little bit of a police call to the KFC for no chicken.

Oh, another podcast in the bag. The plastic bag. Are they back? No, no, still banned. Okay. They never left. No, sorry. That's where you come in with the line, boy. Boy, man, no, still banned. Okay. They never left. No, sorry. That's where you come in with the line, boy.

Boy, man, if you enjoyed that. Okay. Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell all of your friends. God, I need some sleep. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.