ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 20th December 2022

Episode Date: December 19, 2022

Public Shaving  Favourite Christmas Meat  Top 6: People on a Roadie  Silly Little Poll!  Memorable Moments  Best of: Hayleys Version Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Try barista-made iced coffees available now at your local McCafe. If you're listening to the show and or podcast, you may remember last week I was talking about Christmas taties. How I was in charge of Christmas taties this year.

A little bit of pressure on there. Falling on you this year. Yeah, because Nan got hit with a late frost and a bit of blight. And so the taties haven How I was in charge of Christmas taties this year. A little bit of pressure on there. Falling on you this year. Yeah, because Nan got hit with a late frost and a bit of blight. And so the taties haven't grown. Right. And I was like,

how are these potatoes going? It's been so wet. Tried some last night and they were amazing. They're good. You know, potatoes so good that you like, they almost take the plates

of the meat as part of the meal as your favorite thing. No, that never happens. None of these potatoes are that good. Butter, though. Is that why? Of course.

Yeah, so it's the butter. No, because you put butter on all sorts of potatoes. What herbs are you putting? Mint? I actually put celery salt. Oh. Because I usually put a garlic salt in with the potatoes and the butter and just give them a bit of a roll around.

But I was out of garlic salt and I was like, celery salt? And yeah, that popped off. Yeah, okay. A little bit of celery salt. I don't know what you asked you to use celery salt for. I always put mint on my new potatoes. You boil them with mint. Butter, salt, pepper, mint.

That's it. That's all she needs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A bit of mint in the boil or just give it that little. But also a bit of a tease because yesterday you promised us plums from your fruit tree. The Christmas plums are popping off. I washed them and everything. I'm all backed up.

I need some plums. Oh, these plums will blow you right out. And then I had them in a little bag to bring in for everybody. And then I picked up my bag and walked out without them. What a fool. But they'll be all right tomorrow. We're not leaving enough days, though, before Christmas for us to consume the plums. Yeah, yeah.

I just ate a lot of plums. Yesterday, August, our daughter bit into a plum and was like, oh, I forgot these had stones in them. Oh, yeah, that'll snap the tooth. Or you're rolling the stone around your mouth and it slips down your throat. Oh, yeah. And then it's gone and you're like, well, that's not going to be much fun to poop out because I'm imagining if a corn can make it all the way through the digestive system.

Jagged little plum seed. Jagged little plum, Alanis Morissette's finest album, will work its way right through there. So tomorrow I'll have plums. Good. Maybe we can rock a little plum review on the start of the podcast tomorrow. Okay, yeah, that'd be nice. Christmas plums.

I got up on the ladder and I was picking them. The birds are absolutely having a field day up there, but then I chucked them in a bucket for the pigs and the pigs. Oh, pigs are so, you know how pigs can eat humans? Yeah. It doesn't surprise me. You should hear them crunch a plum stone like it's nothing. What do their teeth look like?

Big chewy ones. I'm going to Google. Not sharp. Pigs don't have sharp teeth. Google, have you ever Googled like a pig penis? They're weird too. Oh, curly. Yeah, they're curly.

Like their tail. Yeah. You're not thinking like the tail yeah you're not thinking of the tail i don't know is it well i thought that was a weird thing about pigs they've got they've got weird dicks you're thinking of ducks no they've got weird dicks oh no ducks have weird dicks too weirdest penis of the animal kingdom yeah what about have you seen those documentaries with the whales massive massive dogs dogs. And they're like, Nine of the weirdest penises in the animal kingdom. Go.

Animal penises are weird. Number nine. Heads above the rest. That's a bit cheeky. It's the echidna with the four-headed penis. Oh, yeah, that's right. Can they do four other echidnas at once? Can they do them?

Do they just do one? No, I just think it's a different looking. How many echidnas can they do? It's just a different looking plug. Oh, right. You know how you can't plug our electrical things

into the socket in America? It's a different looking plug. Just so when the echidna's travelling, it's got a different dick for each. Right. Dolphins have

absurdly, absurdly dexterous penises. Dexterous? Dexterous. How can it write? It might be able to. To whom it may concern. I'm writing this with my dexterous penises. Dexterous? Dexterous. How can it write? It might be able to. To whom it may concern.

I'm writing this with my dexterous clock. Tell you what, the Smithsonian, which is a high-class museum, the Smithsonian magazine's great with puns. Like for the whale penis, their little subheading is, Whale, hello there. Oh, I like that. Because, of course, they have a massive one. Yeah.

The blue whale might have the world's biggest penis, but size is relative. Barnacles have the biggest penis-to-body size ratio. Their genitals are eight times as long as their entire body. Well, cool, Sarah. You've got to suck onto the bottom of a boat, don't you? Yeah. Yes. I'm assuming that the testicles are what's used to suck onto the bottom of a boat or a pier.

Surely. No, because if they were sucked onto the bottom of a boat, they couldn't then procreate. The penis must be free up top. Well, where are the balls? On the back. There are no balls. It's a different setup.

Oh, right. Okay. Our bed bugs have a saber-like penis. They have to stab into their partner's reproductive parts. Okay. Awesome. What else have we got here? A temporary tool.

A type of sea slug. Every time they have sex, their penis falls off. Oh, yeah. Where are snakes' willies? You know, like when you think about slugs, you're like, where is your willy? Oh, okay. Slugs. Here we go.

How's it hanging? Sometimes penises pose logistical challenges. That is certainly the case for the leopard slug, which is so well endowed, it has to go to extreme measures to reproduce. Oh. Okay. Corrin Wetzel wrote all those funny little headlines and stories about it.

Thank you, Corrin Wetzel. Thank you for doing God's work, Corrin. Yeah, lovely. Well, I hope you enjoyed that, podcast listeners. How did we go from Christmas potatoes to weird dicks? Odd. Very odd. Plums.

I don't know how we got here. We got onto plums. And then you're shitting out a plum seed. And then pigs. And then the pigs. So the pig weird dick wasn't even on the list. No. I'm going to Google pig's penis.

I found a picture of the echidna penis because that was the other article didn't have any pictures of the penises. Right. I imagine it looks like some kind of weird spaceship. Pigs do have corkscrew penises. It looks like a four-finger glove. It looks like a fingerless

glove without the thumb. Turned inside out. Yeah, when you pull off your fingerless gloves when you get inside and they roll themselves inside out. I think that's the grossest image I've ever seen. That's an interesting looking wang. I wish podcasts had pictures. I would have just like not even asked

I just sort of flashed that up could you make the album artwork for this podcast just for 24 hours the echidna penis it would be so confusing

people would be like what is that please at home listen do not google that don't that was just quite mild yes

don't alright well bye play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Two minutes past six.

Still the only radio show working right up till Christmas. Good Lord. God, we're dedicated, aren't we? Get out of bed. Get your ass to work. The nation needs to be entertained. What about radio newcomer Tova O'Brien? Has she finished for the year already?

I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. Not much to talk about. God, I would have thought she'd be bloody absolutely working right up till Christmas. Probably on Christmas. Probably has no holidays. You know when you first start a job and you've got to work for ages?

Yeah. And then you ask the boss, can I just have a week off? And they're like, you don't have any holidays, hon. Yeah. Oh, hon. Hon. Oh, hon. You're still on your trial. Coming up on the show, the top six. You're going to take a look at the Kiwi roadie.

Yes, the top six types of people in the car for the summer roadie. When you hit the road with friends. Yep. And you'll go in whoever's got the biggest car. Yeah. Because you're like, there's got the biggest car. Yeah. Because you're like, there's room for luggage in all of us. It'll come on fuel. And then sometime into that journey, you're like, man, I wish I'd taken my own car.

Yeah. Because damn the environment and carpooling. I can't stand this person I'm stuck in a car with for six hours a day. Especially in the back, man. The worst. The worst. Absolutely. The absolute worst.

In the middle. Yeah. Thigh on thigh is a real pet peeve of mine. Especially in the summer where if you were in shorts, you've got a hot thigh against a hot foot. A little bit sexy. It's a little bit sexy. A little bit sexy.

Also coming up, New Zealand's favourite Christmas meat has been voted on. I didn't know. I wasn't asked. I wasn't asked either. I wasn't asked. You've got a surprising winner though, Vaughan. Yeah, it's not a meat I've ever had on Christmas. We're a very traditional Christmas meat eating family.

Should we run a poll of our own? Because I don't trust this data. I don't think it would win this one. Based on the fact that I didn't get asked. It shouldn't be surprised that it was also commissioned by Big Meat that has this type of meat in the title. Right. Let's talk Christmas meat soon.

So, in Dunedin, police, who I'm sure have better things to deal with than this particular gentleman... Well, it's probably quiet this time of year because no students. Are you true? It goes dormant. Perhaps. That's a great way of describing Dunedin. Dormancy. It exists. Yeah, I visited over

like December around Christmas and it was like dead. Quiet, yeah. What were you doing in Dunedin at Christmas? That was a long time ago. Right. Someone went south searching for the booty. Yeah, do you reckon it was a booty search?

I reckon it was a booty search. No, it was a holiday. Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere. Found you, Miss New Booty. Oh, my God, it's going to be one of those shows. Get down, get it down to me. It's going to be one of those shows today, is it? Is Miss Booty, which, to be honest,

one of the finest songs of the early 2000s. Is it? Yes, it is explicit. Damn. How explicit? How explicit? I like this. Last week of the show.

How explicit? Speaking of Booty. It's the Yin Yang Twins. You know how you've got... This is another song called Ms. Booty. Oh, right. How many songs are called Ms. Booty? Quite a few, it turns out.

I listened to Babies Got Back the other day. Oh, right. How many songs are called Ms. Booty? Quite a few, it turns out. I listened to Baby's Got Back the other day. Oh, yes. I like Big Bucks and I Cannot Lie. Do you know how much of a body positive song that is? He's well ahead of his time. Yeah, because he likes, yeah. It's like. Sir Mix-a-Lot, more like Sir Ally.

I've never really stopped and listened to the lyrics. And the other day it came on a playlist That was made for me And there was like one lyric that was like Don't ignore what you see in the magazines Like I like the way you are And I was like what a beautiful message What an empowering song I think you should play it to the girls

Anyway I don't know how we got here They know it I've got a radio safe version of Bubba Sparks as Miss New Booty. Kylie Pop, Bubba Sparks. Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere. Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere. Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere. Rockin' everywhere.

This article I'm going to share has nothing to do with booties. Miss New Booty. Get it. I wish you could see how white Vaughn is dancing right now He's got chopping hands I'm like a praying mantis Slicing through the air Anyway, look, let me share this article

The police were called to a residence in Dunedin Because the neighbours spotted a man Shaving his pubis region I believe that is the correct term. On the privacy of his own home. Well, on the balcony though. Privacy of his own home. They shouldn't have been looking. Yeah, that's a good call.

It's on them for looking. The police had to quote educate him on the appropriate place to... To shave the pubes outside because then it's gone. It's like cutting your toenails. Yeah, you go outside and do it. You have to sit outside.

Do you cut your toenails outside, like just on the deck? Yeah, you can't do them inside. They ping everywhere. Yeah. You go outside, you shave your pubes, and then little sparrows come and take it back to their nest and use it for lining. That's nature.

Like a beautiful, like a natural fibre. Like a wool. Are you saying there's a sparrow's nest out there with your pubes in it? Oh, my God, it's a luscious one, too. A nest fell out of a tree at our house, and it was made up so much of our cows' hair. Oh. Because they scratch up against the scratch pole, and then the birds fly down and grab it and take it back and, like, line their nests with it.

Warm and soft. So, I mean, I'm doing water. Are you telling me off for doing my part? Yeah, no, it's good for you. It's actually an act of animal kindness to shave your pubis. Right, so what they're saying, shave your pubes and leave your junk in the privacy of your home. I believe they recommended you just do the classic in the shower.

Right. No, because then you're going to be hearing from the council about the clogging of the drains. We're going to have a fatberg into there. How many pubes do you have? It all adds up, baby. It all adds up if everybody's shaving their pubes inside. We're going to have a fat berg into there. How many pubes do you have? It all adds up, baby. It all adds up. If everybody's shaving their pubes inside.

They're quite wiry. I've got an image. I think they're quite wiry. All I can see is like, what's on your beard? I had my summer tidy up yesterday. I mean, this is an amazing coincidence that we're talking about this. Where did you do it? Summer.

You do it seasonally. Summer, winter. I have a clean up, you know. You get a new toothbrush. You get a new toothbrush. Yeah. You get a new toothbrush. I always like to do it on the equinox. And I know I'm a couple of days early.

Wow. And you didn't do it on your dick out the back, did you? Yeah, I did it on the dick out the front. And then got the leaf blower out. Blew it all away. Wow. And then the birds. Yeah, make it their nest.

It was like snow white too. The birds were like. On my shoulder. I can't hold them away. Yeah. And I was like. Wow. You're welcome.

Good for you. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. From the UK, he's known as the king of Botox, a leading cosmetic doctor, has said that under 30s, they've lost the plot and they need to calm down with lip fillers and Botox. So the guy who makes money off people doing this and is always like, oh, yeah, it's a precaution and you can just do a little bit here, is saying enough's enough.

Enough's enough. You know it's bad then. Got a frozen face. He's got like Celine Dion. She's got the frozen thing. Yeah. Well, he just says they're overdoing it. They're trying to keep that aesthetic on social media.

Yeah. And yeah, they're just going too far basically. Yeah. Just as she gets out the selfie camera. I'm just having a little looky-do. I've never had any Botox, but you know I've been toying with the idea of late.

You've literally brought it up, I think, every week for the last two months. I'm thinking about it. Just the touch. Just like... Just a little touch. Just a little bit in there.

I would have thought this would have been more. A stat out of the UK says close to a million injections a year. Wow. Or a million... Yeah year wow or a million yeah 900 000 botox injection carried out in the uk each year it's a lot the uk love it though do you think that's a lot because that's a country of how many million people oh i would have thought that's on the low end of things

millions and millions of people How many millions? In the UK Let me tell you So apparently there's also a real concern as well Because they did say under 30s But there's a growing number of children and teenagers Getting Botox style and dermal filler injections Some ugly children 67 million people is there?

67 million? Yeah That seems about right It's not for a big country. It's a lot. When you think like a million. It's like over 10 times ours, and that's not 10 times as big as us. No.

They're packed in there. Yeah. Yeah, maybe it's not that much. But it's still like they love it. I'm just getting my lips done. And they go like real. Massive. When you're like, you know, and the inside of your lip

kind of turns out a little bit. Yeah. There was a, I saw a video on TikTok and then it turned into like a trend of people being like,

I don't look British and it was like to some British-y sounding Scousery song and they do their makeup like a Brit and it's so yuck. With like the white lipstick.

Yeah. They're like bronzer. Oh, and they start out and they're like these attractive people and by the end of it you're just like, oh. Yeah. They look like bronzer. Oh, and they start out and they're like these attractive people. And by the end of it, you're just like, oh. Yeah.

They look like they're going to get in a fight. There's definitely an aesthetic. Well, we'll tell you if you go too far. But it's all, yeah, thank you. Just keep me like grounded, you know. Yeah, okay. Because that's how they sell it now. They're like, it's all preventative.

It's not. It's not. Fillers aren't preventative though. Nah. But then they said the Botox is a filler isn't it? It's just that I taught

No, no, Botox is a paralyser. Right. Yeah. What is a filler? Because I was going to get some Botox in my jaw from the grinding and then just slip a little

in between the eyebrows. I mean you're there and they've got some left in the needle. Yeah, you may. It's a waste. Waste it. You don't want to waste it.

Waste not, want not. No, exactly. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Wow, wow, wow. We get to talk about my favourite topic. What is it? Well, actually, you know, it's up there. Meat.

Meat. It's meat. Did you remember you had two kids when you said that sentence? Oh, yeah. Children are like four from the list. Tractors. You like tractors. Tractors.

I love little tractors. Land rovers. Love land rovers. Love silly little four-wheel drives tractors. Land rovers. Love land rovers. Love silly little four-wheel drives, actually. Land rovers, jimneys, et cetera. Ethnically ambiguous women. Oh. She's got you there.

That's probably in top three. Well, clear the eight o'clock hour. I'll give my full Catholic mass on racially ambiguous. Oh, he's a bit flustered. He's flustered, isn't he? You've got him there. But meat is what we're talking about now. Christmas meat.

This is a big, I've been thinking about this a lot this week. Why? Well, I've got to get a Christmas turkey. I went to Costco to get a Christmas turkey last week. But the best before was only four days out because they weren't frozen. They were refrigerated. Oh, that's terrible. If you've got a frozen turkey, you best

get it out now. Those things famously take forever to defrost. I remember seeing a graph online of how heavy is it and when you should start defrosting it in the fridge because you've got to defrost it in the fridge. Because you can't leave it on the bench. The cat will get it. But it's also a poultry.

So you've got to best defrost it slowly and safely. So I've got to go to the bench. Or the cat will get it. But it's also a poultry. So you've got to, your best, defrost it slowly and safely. Okay. So I've got to go to the Costco. We're doing a glazed ham. Yes, of course. And we've got a ham,

but I didn't know you kind of have to get the skin off to glaze it. This glazing technique. I always just thought you scored it, but that's underneath. You score the fat.

Yeah, you pull the skin off and then it's got the white fat and that's what you score. Yes. Well, you just buy it. Buy one and then eat it. I just buy like hella shaved. Yeah, just ask at the deli and be like, just all of that. Yeah, I get the champagne

ham at Pack and Shave. Champagne. At the deli. I get the finest champagne ham. I think it's Prosecco champagne ham. Prosecco ham because it's not from France. I think it's Prosecco. It can't be the champagne ham. Prosecco ham because it's not from France. Yeah, let's be honest. It's not champagne. It's not champagne.

So there's that. It's brute ham. Then there's Sade's. They do it. We're very traditional every year, turkey and ham. Right. Those are your meats. Those are the meats at Mum and Dad's.

And then Sade's family is a little bit, I think we're doing like a little bit of seafood. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say Sade's family's a little bit, I think we're doing like a little bit of seafood. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say Sade's family's a little bit Asian. I was like, we know. Some of them are a little bit Asian. So there'll be some seafood. So there'll be some seafood.

No, there's bits. Yeah, her dad will be absolutely pounding seafood. Right. Right. But none of these meats mentioned are the Christmas meat, the New Zealand Christmas meat of the year. So a thousand Kiwis were polled for the report and said that the results are as follow in third place. 13% will have beef. We're not a beef at Christmas.

We don't beef at Christmas. Yeah, but we will be doing an eye fillet, a whole eye fillet at Sade's families because as I said, they're a little bit unconditional. No, no, non-conventional.

Racist. And number two, ham at 35%. Yeah. Okay. Lamb at 38%. No, I'm chicken. Don't get me wrong.

Chicken's not on the list, but chicken's number one. This is why. Do you know who commissioned the study? Silver. Big Meat. New Zealand Beef and Lamb and NZ Pork.

Yeah, Big Red Meat. They were run by Retail Meat New Zealand, Beef and Lamb New Zealand and NZ Pork. They couldn't have chicken and fish. Let's do our own poll. I think we need to do an honest. I know we do Silly Little Poll. Should we do Serious Big Poll? Serious Meat Poll.

Serious Meat Poll. Serious Meat Poll. Fletch, Von and Hayley. Serious Meat Poll. Serious Meat Paul. Serious Meat Paul. Serious Meat Paul. Fletch, Von and Haley. Serious Meat Paul. Serious Meat Paul. It is so serious, serious, serious. Serious Meat Paul. Serious Meat Paul.

Serious Meat Paul. I'll show you my Serious Meat Paul. No, you weren't actually. You're not allowed to do that anymore. You've been warned. You've been warned. You've been warned. HR have told you multiple times you're not allowed to show anyone your silly little meat pole.

I don't want to see your serious meat pole. Please, sir, no. How many times? I don't want to see it. How many times a day? Don't want to see your serious little meat pole. Who has to show? But you're right, because we do turkey, but you could do chicken.

No, chicken is number one. Chicken's number one. Chicken is number one turkey. You guys don't do a Christmas meat. No. I don't. I reckon turkey rolls are pretty good. That's how we usually have it.

I reckon hardly anyone does a turkey. Turkey's America. In New Zealand. Turkey's Thanksgiving, right? Yeah. Goose is the more traditional Christmas bird. Okay, so what are we putting... Would you eat a goose?

No. Hell no. Who are you? No, but... What are you doing? I haven't tried goose. I don't eat goose. What is he doing?

Nobody has goose at Christmas. Goose is the traditional Christmas bird. No, it's not. It is. It's a British Ebenezer Scrooge. They're all like, it's time for the Christmas goose. No. That is not a thing.

Okay, so what meats are going on our serious meat poll? Goose. Chicken. Chicken. Llewelyn, do not put goose on the poll. It's a waste. How many gaps on the poll do we have? Goose.

How many places on the poll? It's usually four, isn't it? Yeah, four or five. Okay, so should we do chicken, lamb. Lamb, beef. Beef. Ham. Ham. And that't it? Yeah, four or five. Okay, so should we do chicken, lamb, beef, ham, and that's it? Fish. Fish. Should we do seafood?

Seafood, do seafood. Okay, and then your favourite Christmas meat. Serious meatball. Or should we put instead of seafood, should we put other? And that could cover goose or salmon. So it's Dickensian. The goose. Charles Dickensian, the goose. Charles Dickens popularised goose as a Christmas meal because goose were cheap and you could just grab one at the park,

snap its neck, take it home, pluck it, gut it, yum it. Have you seen the geese at parks? They will not let you near them. Exactly, that's why I... 250,000 geese are eaten across Britain every Christmas. The average bird feeds six people. So Charles Dickens made this famous? Yeah.

Do you know what else he made famous? Oliver. Mr. Fletcher, are we having Christmas goose? No, we're not. Please, Mr. Fletcher. We can't afford goose. We can't afford goose. I'll go down the park and strangle two.

Yeah, we can do it with our bare hands. At latest count, at latest head count, how many orphans we got here? 200. Jesus, I'm going to have to murder so many geese. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the Top Six. Hello there.

Today's Top Six are the top six sorts of people in your car for a roadie. Yeah. That's inevitable, isn't it? Yeah. It's right around the corner, the roadie season. It is. Go away for New Year's. Various spots, various places.

So I've got the top six types of people in the car for the summer roadie. Number six on the list, the can we stop for a wee at the next chance person who always needs a wee. Oh, but we just stopped. Yeah. But the good part about me is I'll just, if we get stuck in traffic,

I'll just jump out and go on the side of the road. We don't need to be in an established bathroomery. Imagine having a kid with one kidney. God, that must have been annoying.

Just stopping all the time. Oh, yeah. How often would you have to stop? Like every half hour? All the time. Every town. Oh, yeah. How often would you have to stop? Like every half hour? All the time. Every town. Oh, wow. Wow.

And then you see all the campers and logging trucks that you passed overtake you again. Yes, oh my God. Ma'am, now I'm thirsty. Can I have a Fanta, ma'am? I'm not allowed any more liquids till we get there. Bad ham patch. So they would just dehydrate their child. A wafer.

Headache, man. From the type of child you were at number six to the type of child and person I continue to be at number five in the top six types of people in the car for the summer roadie. Five, the I have to sit in the front of the car or I get sick. Oh, yeah.

If you beat Vaughn to, like, call shotgun, he's like, I'm going to shoot in the front. I'm going to shoot in the front. I'm going to be a chick. It's worse when they're a short person

and you're a tall person in the back. Yeah, you're wasting all that sweet leg space on a runt. Yeah. The runt's always in the back.

Sorry, that's just life. Yeah, runt's in the back in the middle. In the middle. In the middle. In the middle. Jared's always in the middle. Jared is always in the middle. Are you used to life in the middle, Jared, in the back. In the middle. In the middle. In the middle. Jared's always in the middle. Jared is always in the middle.

Are you used to life in the middle, Jared, in the back seat? Yeah, yeah. Those lap belts are bad, though. They cut you right in half in an accident. No, they're the safest. Yeah, they make my gut squeeze out off the top of them. Oh, yeah, that's a real kick in the guts over summer. Yeah, it is.

The old lap belt. It's always a reminder you've had a big full foodie Christmas when you go over a judder bar and you just wobble a bit. You don't know. I still don't know why a woman don't make a bigger deal about the fact that the standard seatbelt goes between

the boobies. Yeah. Where else is it going to go? There's got to be. I mean, if it was a male problem, there would be a new design. I hate to say it. Yeah, but I think it's still the safest. The three-point safety belt.

It's the safest. Yeah. But especially in summer, it's pushing against the boots. Oh, my God. Especially if you've got like a low neckline. Yeah. And the belt's like rubbing on your skin. Oh, man.

It's awful. Yeah. Look, you're an ally. I know. Big ally. You're a big ally. Thank you. That meant a lot.

Number four on the list of the top six types of people in the car for the summer roadie, the not sharing their lollies person. Oh. We stopped right at the server and they got a bag of lollies and they don't seem to be offering anybody any. They take one in and they roll up the end. Yeah. Well, that's closed now.

And if they're sitting in the back, they put it in that little thing on the back of the seat in front of them. Yeah. They pop it in there so that no one can sneak their lollies. It's rude. Share the lollies.

Number three on the list of the top six types of people in the car for the summer roadie. They're skipping every song on the playlist person. That's not giving any song a chance to settle

with the car. Oh, yeah. Start, skip. Start, skip. Let it settle. Start. Oh, no. Skip.

They never, like never settle on one. Number two on the list are the top six types of people in the car for the summer roadie. Number two is the person that disappears when it comes time to chip in for gas. Oh, yeah. Classic. Pop to the loo. Pop to the loo. Oh, my God, did I miss?

Next time I'll get your... Who paid for me? Yeah, yeah. Who paid for me? I'll pay for you next time. I'll pay for you next time. I'll transfer to you. Yeah, I'll transfer. When we get home and stuff. Oh, yeah. They paid for me. I'll pay for you next time. I'll pay for you next time. I'll transfer to you. Yeah, I'll transfer.

When we get home and stuff. I've got no reception. I'll do it. Just remind me. I'll definitely do it. And number one on the list of the top six types of people in the car for the summer roadie,

the person that drops all their rubbish on the floor of the car and says they'll pick it up when they get out, but they never pick up the rubbish in the car that they leave behind. Why are you pointing at me? Because you're a piece of shit.

Why are you pointing at me? For sure. Well, where am I going to put it? You won't let me throw it out the window. I certainly will not let you throw it out the window. He loves chucking it out the window. Banana peels are a classic. Well, they grow, they decompose in the land.

They feed, they're more likely to feed a rat. Yeah, and for weeks they're just awful. Yeah, and you just leave them in the footwell of the car. It's because I don't have a car. You're an absolute grubby little bastard. That is today's top six. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. I inadvertently ran my own silly little pole on my Instagram yesterday. I saw you did a pole.

What did you do? I was at my attendant. They had some cards at the checkout, and it said, thinking of Nana or something on your birthday. And they spelt Nana, N-A-N-N-A. Yeah, I've seen that before on cards. Yeah. Why? That's not how it's done.

I think it's an Australian spelling. People say to me, but it's Nana, not Nana. Like banana, N-A-N-A. I say, yeah, but you say bandana, D-A-N-A. It's the English language. You can't argue the English language for rhyming. It's such a terrible amalgamation of all sorts. We just calmed down, Australia.

Yeah, so I will N-A-N-A. But more than most people, though. People were blown away that there was even options for Nana. Our silly little poll, though, was do you actually like Christmas? 80% of people said yes. 20% said no. We don't often stop and ask, do we? We just sort of all plow into it.

We shove Christmas down everybody's throats, don't we? Yeah, we do. Josh says, always have a good time on the day, but the lead up, I could do without. Yeah. There's a lot of pressure on the lead up. Josh, you're right there. Gemma says, Christmas Day is my birthday,

so sometimes I'm conflicted. Well, it should be your absolute most favourite day, but I get what you're saying. Yeah, because he's not getting all the leader. Josh, you're right there. Gemma says, Christmas Day is my birthday so sometimes I'm conflicted. Well, it should be your absolute most favourite day but I get what you're saying. Yeah, because he's not getting all the attention. This is for your birthday and Christmas.

Yeah, fair enough. And that's just, she's probably had a lifetime of shared presents. Yes. Bryce. I like to compete with Jesus so who's this person?

It is really hard to. Baby Jesus. Bryce said, hate it with a passion. Screaming kids, everyone going well above their means and way too much over excitement for one day you can call me the Grinch. Really hard to. To baby Jesus. Bryce said, I mean, fair points. Yeah, man. Fair points.

All great points. Tash says, Oh, God. What else do you do during the year? It's a dep. It's the only wholesome thing we have left. Oh, God. What else do you do during the year? Depravity, by the sounds of things. Yeah. They really clean up for Christmas, but the rest of the time it's just absolute depravity. Giselle says, love Christmas time, hate Christmas day.

Too many places to go. It's stressful. Yeah. Oh, like traveling around with families. Yeah. Oh, no. Just stay put. Get them to come to you.

Exactly. Yeah, that could work. Get them to come to you. Exactly. Yeah, that could work. Put that as an option. Libby says, yes I do, but mainly because of the food. There's nothing wrong with that.

Yum. It's all about the food. Yeah, food and family. Yeah. Jesus. How's our meat poll going? Is our meat poll up

or is that later? It's later. You're going to do it later. It's tomorrow's big meaty poll. Stand by for tomorrow's big meat poll. Big meat poll. Felicity said, this is my 13th Christmas in retail.

I'm not a fan. I'd get out of retail. That's the answer there. Find a passion. Yeah. I just, I don't think I could do half a Christmas in retail. I don't even go to. I don't feel for anyone working in retail over this time.

I don't even go to retail at Christmas time. Because the thought of it is too much for me. I went out yesterday and it wasn't too bad, I'll say. People were well behaved. Were they? Yeah, I went to the farmers. I went to the Westgate Mall. Well, I mean, when they start misbehaving at farmers,

society's absolutely, you know, gone. Oh, I know. As farmers, it demands respect. The last bastion of humanity and good behaviour. Yeah. Sarah says, frigging love it. It's the best time of the year. Mel says, my seven Christmas trees would say I love Christmas.

What? My three children would say I'm Christmas crazy. What, so everyone has one in their room and there's like three in the lounge? Sent through the photos. There's the lounge tree. Child number one gets their own tree. My tree in the lounge. So there's two trees in the lounge. the lounge tree. Child number one gets their own tree. My tree in the lounge. So that's two trees in the lounge. Second lounge

tree. Second child's tree. Third child's tree. Nice having two lounges. Two kids have six foot trees but one kid wanted a baby tree this year. I also have a tree outside in the garden but it's raining so I can't take a picture of that one. But the outside one is up all year long. The deal

is the kids get to do their own trees however they want, but my lounge tree is mine and only mine, and the kids don't get to touch it or decorate it. That's the true meaning of Christmas. That's it. Don't you dare touch mum's tree. Yeah. Well, it's probably perfect.

Wow. Is there a photo of that one? Yeah, it's definitely the best of the trees. Yeah. Is it perfect? Yeah, it's a pretty good tree, actually. So she loves trees. Mel loves trees. perfect? Yeah, it's a pretty good tree actually. So she loves trees, Mel loves trees.

Good on you, Mel. Mel loves Christmas. Well, overwhelming, 80% of us love Christmas. Yeah. Final, that's in. Well, good thing it's only five days away.

Did you see the lady that got in trouble for painting her dog green like the Christmas Grinch? You don't do that. What was the outcome on that? Did she get in trouble or was it just the internet?

I think just internet mildly cancelled her. Acting a little holier than thou. Did she use asparagus to do it? Because isn't that the argument that you go, oh, no, I didn't use chemicals. I used asparagus. Oh, yeah, I don't know what she used for the green. Fluorose. It's pretty spray paint.

Yeah, poor dog. Just on my, I just flipped back to my main Facebook page from those. And Karen has written on my local Facebook page, the community page, any idea where I can buy a nice Christmas cake? I normally buy Ernest Adams, but they closed down this year. They did. I bought this one, and it's not very nice at all. And then she shames the brand.

Does she have a little nibble pre-Christmas? Maybe it's just not to her. She was probably getting it out to cut the edges off to do the wrap around it and had a little nibble pre-Christmas? Maybe it's just not to her. She was probably getting it out to cut the edges off to do the wrap around it and had a little nibble. Yes. Oh, no. Trevor, it's disgusting. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

I say this knowing full well that I don't have to put myself in these situations, but I've always felt that nervousness is one of my least favourite feelings to experience. And then I went to drama school and, like, learnt piano. You know what I mean? I put myself in all these kind of performative places where you do get nervous all the time.

You get on stage. Yeah, I know, but it's like the aftermath is what makes it worth it. But, Eva, like, I know lots of performers like this who perform a lot and they get terrible stage fright. And then you go, I'm always backstage going, why am I doing this? I don't have to do this. Like even now?

Yeah, all the time. Right, okay. The only time I didn't get nervous was when I did Edinburgh Fringe and I was doing 30 shows in 30 days or something. And you're like, it's exhausting being this nervous every night. I'm just going to not. Yep. So you talked like, it's exhausting being this nervous every night. I'm just going to not. Yep. But anyway,

talk to yourself out of it. Basically. And a psychology student has revealed, uh, I might not have been so wrong with that. I'm doing my master's in psychology right now. And this below is my mind. Did you know that if you have pre-performance anxiety for something coming up,

maybe you're nervous for a presentation or something, you can trick yourself into thinking you're excited rather than nervous by just saying out loud to yourself, I am excited. That's it. That's all it takes. That's it. Was she on double speed?

Yeah, she was honing and anhing. I'm going to tell you something. It's going to blow your mind. It's going to blow your mind. But, I mean, basically she's going, all of the feelings of pre-performance anxiety and all the feelings of excitement are very much similar. Yeah.

Like your heart rate increases, your breathing gets shorter. So if you can basically trick your body into going like, no, this is the good one. This is the one in which I'm excited for. And you could do this for any situation where you're nervous, right? Yeah. Maybe nervous to, maybe you're going home to Christmas to meet the, you know, your partner's parents. Maybe. Or family for the first time.

What is this feeling? What is this feeling? It's excitement. You say, I'm excited about this. I'm excited. I'm excited to meet them. Because she says a lot of the time when people get nervous and they're going, oh my God, I'm going to go and do this thing. What they tell themselves is like, calm down.

You need to calm down. But that's not the energy of what you're dealing with. No. So you're better to just embrace the energy you have but change its faceplate. Rename it. Yeah, rename it. See, I'd rather deal with a nervous person than an excited person. Oh, really?

You prefer nervous and excited? Just nervous is a bit like more standoffish and they're like, maybe I won't say that. But excited people are like. This checks out. I just Googled how similar is nervousness to excitement. And yeah, like psychologists and everything have said that almost identical chemically in your brain.

They're almost identical. Oh, wow. So you can turn one into the other. It's like pain and pleasure, isn't it? It is. Ouch or ooh. Yeah. For a ooh. Yeah. For a little nibble.

For a little nibble, a little bite, a little pull. A little tuck, a little punch. A little throttle, a little eye poke, a little eye gouge, a little like ripping teeth out. You guys, that's all day. You've lost me a little. Tearing teeth out with pliers. Pulling toenails out. Waterboarding.

Oh my god, stretch. Put them on a stretch. Waterboard me, baby. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley's memorable moments. Well, our final show of the week, our final week of shows, rather. You keep saying that. I keep saying that. And yet we have to keep tuning up to work. And I remember

we've still got a few days left. We're rediscovering the memorable moments of the year today. Celebrity memorable moments. We've been researching this morning and over the last couple of songs and wow. I feel so much has happened this year. So much has happened.

So much so that you think it was last year. Yeah, we all got released from the pandemic. Yeah. The lockdowns and a lot of things have happened. Well, we cured COVID. Well, that's like fixed and sorted and gone. Like, I had completely forgotten about Lady Gaga running into Caitlyn

Jenner saying she switched baristas. Oh my God. Oh, that's right. I've switched baristas. Do you remember that? That's so good. I don't see you at the coffee place anymore. I've switched baristas. Do you remember that? That's so good. Yeah. I don't see you at the coffee place anymore. I've switched baristas. Yeah, savage. It was like literally the start of the year. Yeah.

So much has happened. Okay, let's run through some of them. Well, we won't do an in memoriam, but we did lose a few good people. Yeah, we did. Bob Saget was the first to go, and then it just got worse from there. Well, it didn't get worse from there. Bob Saget was a terrible loss go, and then it just got worse from there. Well, it didn't get worse from there. Bob Saget was a terrible loss. I'll kick things off.

I just want to do an honourable mention to Britney Spears, but she's got too many moments to break down, but she's just had a year. Yeah. I've seen so much of that woman's privates, and I'm not complaining. I think we need the big one, the slap. Yeah. Chris Rock got slapped in the face by Will Smith

who undid April yeah no would have been when are the Oscars aren't they normally earlier

Oscars the 94th Academy Awards happened on the 27th of March 2010 yeah and undid

years of his great, you know, nice guy. We won an Oscar that night. Nice guy kind of facade, persona, yeah. He resigned and was issued a 10-year event ban from the Academy. The news about it this week is apparently Tom Cruise ignored him when he tried to contact him after the slap. Tom Cruise was right. Oh, wow.

Narbol. Narbol. Narbol. Narbol. Okay, well, that's my first one. Okay, mine would be the ongoing James Corden situation when he got banned from the restaurant for misbehaving and then, like, was just trying to explain himself out of that and then there was a big montage of all the jokes he's stolen.

Yes. And just ongoing James Corden stuff. Because he said he was mortified about the joke thing because he's got writers, obviously. Yeah. So the writers have stolen the content. Whether they heard the joke and forgot where they heard it. Yeah.

And then when the US played the UK at the Football World Cup, they said, loser keeps James Corden. Oh. That's rough. That's so rough. That's very, very rough. That's got to hurt. So rough.

The whole Olivia Wilde getting served while she was on stage by Ted Lasso. That whole movie is an event unto itself. Yeah. Spitgate. Everything to do with that movie. The Spitgate you were at. Harry Styles allegedly spits. On Chris Pine.

Chris Pine looked at every press junket for it, just looking so wildly uninteresting. Yeah. Just associating. Yeah. Disassociating. Yeah. And then Florence Pugh wouldn't look Olivia Wilde in the eye. There was drama. There was months of drama. Yeah.

And then the movie was shit. I didn't see it, but everybody said it was pretty junk compared to the drama. A lot of Kardashian goss as well this year. Pete and Kim. Yeah. They broke up. Also, this year was Well, Pete and Kim, they broke up. Also, this year was the year that Kim told everyone to get off their ass and work. Yeah, that's right.

And then everyone was like, you were born into it. You were born into wealth and money. Yeah, it's not quite that easy. And then at the opposite end of the Kardashian spectrum, my favorite Kardashian, Jenna Kendall, didn't know how to cut a cucumber. That's right. But then kind of made fun of herself in the following weeks and months about her ineptitude

when it comes to cutting a cucumber. Yeah. Also, let's not forget, this is the year that Bennifer Jaflek. That's right. Got back together and got married after 20 years.

Bennifer 2.0. Yeah. They gave it another shot. Also, relationship-wise, Adam Levine. That is embarrassing. Got back together and got married after 20 years. Been there for 2.0. Yeah, they gave it another shot. Also, relationship-wise, Adam Levine. That is embarrassing. Oh, dude, that dude sucks. That's right. Embarrassing, sexy tweet.

That dude sucks at horny texts. Oh, my God. It's unreal how hot you are. Yeah. And on the royal end of things, I mean, now we've got our Harry and Meghan documentary. Yes. That I haven't watched. Sade's been watching it. Aaron's watched it. Has he? It's so out of character. I mean, now we've got our Harry and Meghan documentary. Yes. That I haven't watched. Sade's been watching it.

Aaron's watched it. Has he? It's so out of character. Really? Is it so him and Sade have something to talk about? I've got a connection. I'm worried about it.

I don't like it. I'm worried about it. But yeah, he just started watching it and got really into it. Because I can't bring myself to watch it because it just looks trash.

It's just a little bit cringy, but yeah, Sade's like if you watched it and still hated her for no reason, that's probably more on you. Yes, that's what Aaron said. He was like, he finds her intolerable because he really struggles with the American accent but he's like, at the end of it you're just

going like, oh yeah, she's really had it tough. Yeah, yeah, she's had it. And other royal would be Prince Charles when he just became king. I'm throwing a tanty about the pen. Every pen he came across seemed to be a horrendous pen. And one that really affected our lives, of course.

Negroni Spagliato. Oh, yes! I thought you were about to say the queen dying. I felt less impacted by that than the influence of a Negroni Spagliato with Prosecco in it. Delicious. I mean, how those two people changed how the world drinks is pretty impressive, right?

They should never have to buy Campari ever again. No, no. I hope that they get it. Just every week there's a basket of Negroni Spagliato with Prosecco in it. Ingredients just magically appear on the porch. I'd love to see the sales of Negroni, like a graph, because 100% it will go up this year.

Oh my God, yeah. Did you see there's a video of Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern having it? And Reese Witherspoon says, it's Negroni Spagliato with Prosecco in it. And then Laura Dern tries it. She's like, that is disgusting. Play it. Get in, Fletletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM.

It occurred to me yesterday. I have not read a book this year. Wow. Not one book. Do you usually read books? I'm not a huge book reader Right But no I haven't read any books this year

It definitely gets less I've noticed I used to be a massive reader Chew through them Yeah And now the internet Chews through them Yeah but you chew through podcasts

Chew through That's what made me feel better about myself You're still learning things I listen to a lot of podcasts Yeah Like fiction, non-fiction. I love a Malcolm Gladwell. You know this.

Yeah, you do. He does. He does. He does. He does. I hate you. I've been hitting multiple times a day lately. Yeah.

While I'm a Malcolm Gladwell podcast. But the educational, those kind of podcasts, aren't they? Yeah. Fascinating podcasts. Yeah, totally. And some podcasts I listen to are fiction. It's just great storytelling. And yeah, I absolutely hoon podcasts.

Interviews, chats with celebrities, learning about them. They're like little books, but they're read out to you by a man in your ears. Which is great. It's like story time. Do you read over like Christmas? You know, Christmas Day in the sun? The problem is I can't sit still. Yeah.

Like if I'm somewhere, I'll sit down. I'll be like, all right, I'm going to read a book. And then I'll look outside, I'll be like, right, I'm going to read a book and then I'll look outside and I'll be like, but I'll do it when the weather's not great and I'll go outside. Or if I'm inside and the weather's bad, I'll be like, oh, I still haven't watched all of that show Fletch talked about. Like, it takes a real

mindset for me to be able to read a book. And then I can't do it for too long because I feel like I'm wasting time. I know because I feel like I'm wasting time. Yeah. I know because I feel that when I'm sitting down and reading, I'm just like, could be doing stuff. Yeah, I struggle. I should be.

God, I haven't done the lawns. The hedges probably need to be done. Have you read a book this year? Yeah, I've read quite a few. I've read a lot of non-fiction books. Oh, yeah. This year. Did you read the Matthew Perry?

No, I haven't read that yet, but I think I will over New Year. You should because he signed it for you. You've received a lot of books this year that have been signed by the author. Yeah, like I got one by Stephen King. He says stay spooky. Stay spooky. Hey, hey, stay spooky. Stephen King. How did he know? It's so bizarre

that he would sign my book. I'm pretty sure it's just Vaughan signing all of those. Sir! Sir! I don't, I'm not, that's forgery. I would never forge. I think Bob Dylan got called out doing that this year. Yeah.

A robot was signing all of his books. Why? He can't be bothered. Bob Dylan's never been bothered. That guy, that guy that wrote The Fault in Our Stars. Nicholas Sparks? No, that's. John Green.

Yeah, that's right. Nicholas Sparks? No, John Green. Yeah, that's right. Nicholas Sparks was the Miley Liam one. Yes, and the one, The Notebook. The Notebook. Yeah. Not him. John Green. Yes.

He, when he wrote one of his books, literally got sent like a huge container of the front page because he said he was going to sign the first 250,000 copies of this book he gave away. Yeah, I've listened to him. He tells a story, another podcast. He tells a story about what it's like to write your name 250,000 times. Jeepers.

And he worked out how many hours a day to have to do it and how many to have to be doing. That's madness. That's too many Just print it on Who cares if it's a robot Write it once and then just print it But yeah he signed 250,000 Then he had to send them to the place

And they were bound into the book Oh wow I've got the Kindle And every time I see like an interview with an author or I see a news article, I'm like, oh, that would be a good book. I'll download it. And then I just don't get round to it. I follow a couple of book Instagrams.

So it's like book lovers, and they'll say, here's five books if you want this from it, or five books that feel like this. Yeah, right. And that always gives me good recommends. Do you know the best book I read this year? The free plug because friend of the show, Girls That Invest. It was such an amazing book.

Oh, yeah. Simran Kaur, who wrote, we chatted to her months ago about simplifying investment. I mean, I haven't invested in anything. Now, do you unlock that book with your vagina? Yeah, so you have to. It's like a swipe or something. And then you read it.

And then I read it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. It's like a pay wave. You just go, boop. You could borrow mine. Because you unlocked yours for Aaron's. I'm married.

I unlocked mine for Aaron's. I'm married. I can't read a book unlocked with another woman's vagina. That's one of the rules On the licence That's what I signed Yeah And sickness and porn

I'll see if Sim's Gonna write Guys that invest But they'll have to have A different sort of Unlocking system Yeah We work differently

Don't we Gosh we're We're just You know Venus and Mars over here Play ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley Fletchv Vaughan and Hayley.

Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Box of Lazy. Well, it's our final week on air and we're being lazy. We're being so lazy. We're being less lazy than all the other broadcasters around this nation. Well, yeah, they're already off, aren't they?

So we're actually technically not the laziest. We're the most active. We're the most active. Most active. Yeah. So we've asked you on Instagram. I know what's worse. We've asked you on Instagram for your biggest regret of the year.

Anonymous, what did we do yesterday? That was a juicy one yesterday. So what's your... Naughtiest thing you've done. The worst thing you've done. The worst thing you've done. That was juicy. Today, it's regerts.

What's your biggest regert of 2022? Do you have any? I'm trying to think. Starting the show? Yeah, took a job. Died my hair red. There's probably a couple of trips. A trupple?

A couple of trips. Oh, a thrupple. That's the biggest regret. Oh, because there are other rumours. No regerts. No regerts on the thrupple. No regerts on the thrpple. That's the biggest regret. Oh, because there are other rumours. No regerts. No regerts on the thruple. No regerts on the thruple. No, I was just going to say probably a couple of meals out I didn't need to have.

If that's your biggest regret, that's a pretty good year. Yeah, I've had a year of no regerts, really. Yeah. That back piece I got done was a bit weird. Yeah. Yeah. But you said it's the Hindu sign of peace. Yeah, but it turns out it's definitely not.

Yeah. It's pointing the wrong way. But it's just hard to say. I know it looks like a swastika, but it's rotating the other way. Yeah, I know. It's really bad news. It's a summer of laser removal. Oh, no, she had it changed into the Windows 95 logo.

Oh, fantastic. Oh, that's so good. changed into the Windows 95 logo. Oh, fantastic. Oh, that's so good. Yeah, great. It's really big, eh? Yeah. I think it's going to be a summer of T-shirts covering Anna. Okay, these are anonymous. Changing jobs.

The grass was not greener. Oh, yeah. Yeah, interesting. Archies. Remaining in my marriage for another year. Far out. Get out. Go, go, go. Get out of it. Yeah, interesting. Archies. Remaining in my marriage for another year. Far out. Get out. Go, go, go.

Get out of it. These are good. These are juicy. Don't stay in it for another year. 2023 is the year. Biggest regret is not telling someone how I really feel about them. Oh, no. Upside down smiley face.

I just want to reach out to these people. I know they're anonymous. Yeah. And encourage them to do so. Hot wax people. I know they're anonymous. Yeah. Encourage them to do so. Hot waxing my own anus. Yeah. That is a big regret. Always leave that to the professionals. Always.

We've all had an incident with veet, haven't we? Oh, yeah, yeah. We've all veeted a little close to the surface. Taking layers of the epidermis off. Yeah, really well. Oh, I know. Especially when you don't know you've got a small tear. It's a sensitive area down there. It's a sensitive of the epidermis off. Yeah, it really will. Oh, I know. Especially when you don't know you've got a small tear. It's a sensitive area down there. It's a sensitive thin skin.

Thin. It's a sensitive thin skin. Yeah. Every time I bought something on Afterpay instead of just buying it. That was their regret. Yeah. A financial regret. Be careful next year, you know, recession looming.

Yeah. Times are tough. Not participating in any of the long weekend group toots, even when I heard someone toot. What? Why would you ignore it then? Hugely. I can know that's a huge regret.

That is a monster regret. Well, I expect them to step up for the Waitangi weekend. Is that the next one? Will that be the first of the year next year, Waitangi? That'll be the first public nationwide. All right. That'd be the first of the year next year, Waitangi. That'd be the first public nationwide. All right. Should have milked another week off when I had COVID.

That's their regret. They didn't make the most of the COVID sick leave. Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah. And not quitting a job that I hate. Still a couple of weeks left though, right? Yeah.

Well, no. Well, there's only a couple of days left. A couple of days. Yeah, but then you've got to find a job at the start of the year. That's horrible too. I think. Hang on, I'm just going to pause. The gals have cool bucket hats on suddenly.

Why do we not have cool bucket hats? ZM bucket hats. Why don't we have a ZM bucket hat? Can you please get us ZM? Oh, we're bad for the brand. Are we? We're too old. Yeah, you're not on Demo.

No, we're not on Demo. Am I not on Demo? You are. You're the cusp of Demo. Yeah. You're a bit... I'm a bit what? Artie.

A bit arty. A bit arty. Yeah, we just got new ZN Bucket hats. Like if you were at R&V, you'd probably be a hot dog vendor. Oh my God. That's rough. Why would you say that? Nothing against hot dog vendors, but she's a performer.

You can't tell a performer they're a hot dog vendor. I would be on stage, you a-hole. Unless, of course, the hot dog vending was a performance piece. I could be an L.A.B. You might be an L.A.B. I couldn't identify a single person in L.A.B. if I fell across them. A hot dog vendor.

Catch the black thunders around New Zealand with the ZM bucket hats all summer. I've just been sent a liner about the bucket hats. I'm not saying the liner. Wait, are we giving these bucket hats to any Tom, Dick or Harry? And we're bad for the brand. Yeah. Let's just be careful who we give those to. Why are you pointing at me?

We want the hottest people wearing those. It's like when you see somebody doing a ram raid on the news and they're wearing a rock T-shirt. They give those to everyone. They give them to everyone. You've got to be careful. They give them to every bloody sausage vendor out there. Bloody hell.

I'm sorry, you'd be more of a boutique gin and tonic tent girl. I would be. Is that better? Yes. Also, I'd like an apology to the sausage vendors. Have you ever had a Fritz's Wiener and... Oh, they're delicious. Any crucial moment, a Fritz's Wiener is absolutely delicious.

But I wouldn't call them a sausage vendor. They're exactly what they are. They're vendoring sausages. They're a wiener vendor. Our wieners are a sausage. If you ever catch my fiancé around a Fritz's Wiener, you will see a man lose his mind. Oh, he caners are a sausage. If you ever catch my fiance around a Fritz's wiener, you will see a man lose his mind. Oh, he can demolish those.

Does he get the spicy ones? Yeah, man. Of course he does. And he'll get another one. Yes, he will for the drive home. Yeah. And he drives with his knees so he can two-hand that Fritz's sauce. He loves that.

Have we got any more regerts? No. Or are we done? We done now Maybe just then when I went Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley's You are fighting the council I am

So I pulled out of a street Onto a street to get into a lane And then the lane got jammed up Because the lights had stopped And so I got stuck in a bus lane and no one would let me in. So I paused and I put my indicator on and I waited for the lights to turn green and then I wedged my way in. But you didn't drive all the way down the bus lane, did you?

Hell no, I wouldn't dream of it. Yeah, right. I wouldn't dream of it. Because ProTip, by the way, living in the city, they have put cameras on every single bus lane. I don't think there's a single bus lane in Auckland. If you ever travel to Auckland and you're driving around, there is not a single lane that

doesn't have a camera on it in the city. They're everywhere. They are everywhere. So this one pinged me for $150 and I outright refused because I didn't choose the bus lane life. It chose you. It chose me. I got stuck there because other people weren't letting me in. So I emailed

saying so. Saying, here's the situation. I pulled out of this street. I indicated, as you can see from your little photos you took of me. And then I'm not going to pay it. Perverts. I feel invaded. Anyway, so I sent that off last week or maybe the week before.

And I have received a little letter from the Auckland Council. Why didn't they email you back? I don't know why. Is it because you can say... I did an online form. Is it because you can say, oh, I didn't get it? It's in the junk box or...

Oh, maybe. Yeah, maybe. But then you can also say, I didn't get that. Yeah. That's easier now. Do I have... Do I have the email? No, I don't.

No. Anyway. Okay. This was in the mail, so you're going to open this now and see what they've said. Anyone ask a... The hay fever at the moment is so much.

You said it's such a spicy nose. Okay. All right, here we go. What's that look for? This isn't good. Court hearing request form. Right. This is legal dramas are very,

legal dramas are very hard. What does it say? Oh, those. Oh my God. Thank you for your correspondence. Dated 8th of the 12th So this is regarding your appeal Yes, about the above

infringement notice You're not getting a dime out of me I'll see you in court After reviewing your explanation and the reasons for the ticket we have decided to proceed with enforcing the fee Our commitment and the reason for bus lanes due to the high number But I didn't have a choice!

You were observed driving in the special... On Khyber Pass Road for further than 50 metres. Oh, so you didn't just turn around the corner? No! Literally, you can see the corner of the street that I'm on. Drivers of other vehicles may cross the lane when turning or parking, provided they use the minimum length of lane necessary

to a maximum length of 50 metres. Okay, we've got to get you a lawyer. We've got to get you a pro bono lawyer. Can you ask for the proof that you were in there for more than 50 metres? And then we'll go down there. I've got one of those tapes. Remember when you were doing shot put at school, you'd put the end in the ground and then measure it out.

Get them at the exact point of entry, the exact point of exit. Let's take my yellow tape down there and measure how far it is. Let's do this, Bourne, because the corner that I came out of to the light that was stopped is not 50 metres. I'm telling you now.

It was on Khyber Pass. Yeah. Did you come out at the Mount Eden Prison Road? No, I came out at like, it was on Khyber Pass coming out by the Danny Doolin's, the Irish pub there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. I was driving. I wasn't leaving Danny Doolin's by the way. It's not Danny Doolin's. Someone had a couple of Irish coffees. It's an Irish bar.

What is it? It's a something and balls or something. Something brothers. It's a what? Doolin brothers. It's the balls. Doolin's balls. Doolin's balls and hens or something. Something brothers. It's a what? Doolin brothers. It's the balls. Brothers and balls.

Doolin's balls and hands or something. But the distance. All right. Okay, so wait, you're going to court. Doolin brothers. Map my drive because I'll be able to find the distance. Right. You can do that on Google Maps.

This is all good and you've got a tape measure board and stuff, but you're going to need a lawyer. You're going to need a proper lawyer. You need to go. I'm warring up. You need to go. So it's criminal defense, Kingdon Street. Oh, shoot.

Hang on. So the officer has viewed the footage, and on this occasion you have traveled 77 meters. Oh, okay. So they've measured it already. Jeez, they're onto it, eh? God, they know. I mean, when it comes to ticketing, they're onto it,

but when it comes to fixing a pothole. Oh, yeah, that'll take weeks and months, won't it? If you do not accept this decision, you can request a court hearing. Let's go to court. I'll be your lawyer. Smith and Fletcher. Smith and Fletcher will be your lawyers. And we'll say things like, your honour.

Oh, no, no, no. Your honour. Guys, I don't think I can contest this. 77 metres. Ask for a discount because it's Christmas. Ask for an afterpay option. All right, a discount. I wonder if they want me to do a sponsored post on Instagram.

For the Auckland City Council. This sucks. Play ZM's Fletch for the Nelly. Play ZM. This Friday I was going to write a full year recap. Yeah. Now I'm going to write a bloody love letter to the Auckland Council. Forcing me. Yeah, well, you've either got to pay the bloody love letter to the Auckland Council. Forcing me. Yeah, well, you've either got to pay the fine or go to court. I'm tired.

I don't want to go to court. I personally would love to see the year kick off with a court case. Yeah, I won't be here. I'll be at court. Sorry. Anyway. Maybe just don't drive in the bus lane next time.

I wasn't driving. I pulled into it and I couldn't get out. Anyway. Apparently I drove 77 metres in a bus lane. Anyway, this Hayley's version

was, when did you say? March. March. Are you alright? You're just reading the paper. I just thought I'd read. March. Are you all right? I'm just reading the paper. I just thought I'd read the paper. Are we boring you?

I'm sorry. I'm just going to click through the paper. It's not boring. This is the beauty of radio. You can do multiple things at the time. I'm listening to the radio and I'm reading the newspaper. You're on the radio. You're doing the radio bit.

And I'm listening to the radio. I'm on it. You're not reading the paper. You're not the listener. Who said men can't multitask? You're not the listener, you are the radio. Sometimes I feel like we don't listen enough. How do we know how the show sounds if

we don't listen to it? How was the show sounding? Oh, it was a little boring and waffly, to be honest. I mean, what we hear is the female host committed a crime, won't take any responsibility on it, and is bathing in her white privilege. I mean, she's lucky to have a car. A lot of us lost our cars this year.

Count my blessings. Count my blessings. How did you lose your car? It was impounded. Well, it was because it was a Ram Ray, but it got stolen and used as a Ram Ray. I don't have insurance to cover that. Right. As a listener of the show, I want your take on the orphans.

Are you a fan? Polarising? Personally, I find it amusing. I feel like the right amount to do is a couple of times a day, but don't rely on it as your only vehicle for comedy during the show. It becomes a crutch. Okay. Well, this can be another vehicle for comedy.

You know who else has a crutch? Who's got a crutch? Little Timmy the Orphan. Oh, he's nice. He's got a sore leg. He's got a very, very sore leg. He's got a bit of frostbite, he does. Yeah, he does.

Because his parents abandoned him in the snow. Well, they didn't abandon him technically. They're dead. Right, yeah, because he's an orphan. So, um, but yeah, he's got a bit of frostbite in his toe, doesn't he? So, okay, that's lovely. Hayley's version today is Big Ol' Slap. he's an orphan. So, um, but yeah, he got a bit of frostbite in his toe, didn't he? Okay, that's lovely. Um, the... Hayley's version today

is big old slap. A response to... Thin paper this time of the year. Shut up, boy. Very thin paper this time of the year. What are they?

They've just given up, haven't they? They've given up upstairs, yeah. That is Mike. Jesus. When Chris Rock got slapped in the face by Will Smith after he made a joke

about his wife's hair. And I wrote this in response. Here we go. Here comes a big old slap. That's the guy from Hitch. Oh, smacking like a... I wouldn't say it. I wouldn't say it.

Here we go. Here comes a big old slap. Because my wife's offended Yeah, this year's Oscars were whack Remember that Will Smith took the stage And gave Chris Rock a big slap Turned his back to leave, we're in disbelief Hoping that what we just saw, we did not see

Chris was presenting and made a bad joke About Will's wife Jada and the fire was stoked No sooner was it said, Will was out of his seat Stepped up, drew back and whacked right on the cheek The room fell silent, this Hollywood giant Good chorus. Here comes a big old slap A person my wife's offended While the world was watching on the edge of the couch He yells, take my wife's name out your effing mouth The audience laughs, huh, surely it's a bit

Then he yells it again and everyone thinks, shit Tension swell, it's awkward as hell Worse than John Travolta trying to say Idina Menzel worse than Jennifer Lawrence falling flat on her face, worse than Moonlight thinking they had won first place, speculations fly, this can't be real, any second now Ashton Kutcher will reveal you got punked

or it's a publicity stunt for a brand new film starring Emily Blunt, right? Wrong, that's not the case, the fresh Prince slapped Barney the zebra in the face well maybe that's the last we'll hear of him. Oh no, best actor, Will Smith wins. Uh, uh. Here comes a big old slap.

One we'll all remember. Here comes a big old slap. Bit like the fledge. Because my wife's offended. Maybe see and make a post about it. Make. Let me see you make a post about it. Make a post about it. Make a post about it. Come on, then let me see you do Oprah about it.

Do Oprah about it. Do Oprah about it. Come on, I want to see all the memes about it. All the memes about it. All the memes about it. Come on, I want to use it as a gif. Now scream. Ah, good. Here comes the big ol' slap. GIF. Now scream. Good.

Here comes a big old slap. What will I remember? Here comes a big old slap. Because my wife's offended. Yeah. I forgot that I had to do the clapping in that. It was very stressful. Yeah.

Very stressful. You did well the first time around. Yeah. Wordy, isn't it? I can't believe that was March. I know. And so since then he's done some YouTube videos, eh, saying like, I'm so sorry.

He talked to someone on a talk show. He went on Trevanoa. Yeah, that's right. But I felt because they're friends, he didn't really grill him that much. No. No. I felt a bit light, but yeah.

Well, I think he signed on to do a movie next year, so it's not all over. Well, no, he's promoting a movie at the moment. On Apple Plus, Apple TV Plus? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Emancipation, is that what it's called? Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

So this is years, years and years of debate about whether or not Rose could have made some room on the door for Jack. I've never seen the movie. Can I read the paper again? Do you know that Vaughan has never seen Titanic? It's so stupid. I watched it recently again. Great film.

It's a great film. Too long. I played Roblo again. Great film. It's a great film. Nah, too long. I played Roblox at the weekend with my daughters. Because they've been, oh dad, I want to play Roblox with us. So I played Roblox for the first time. One of the games is called Survive the Titanic. Wow. And you start, the game

starts, and the Roblox character's just in this frantic panic. Now the idea is to stay on the Titanic as long as you can. Before it goes under. But there's certain points of it, like when it breaks in half, you can get trapped under the Titanic. No, you wanted to get off the boat. That's what I jumped, I jumped off into the

freezing cold water and then immediately my life started dropping down and they're like, Dad, get in the lifeboat! I'm like, where's the lifeboat? Wow. And then I got in the lifeboat but then we just sat and watched the Titanic sink. I'm like, this isn't lifeboat? Wow. And then I got in the lifeboat, but then we just sat and watched the Titanic sink. I'm like, this isn't fun. So I jumped off back into the water and swam

and jumped back on the Titanic. Got right up to the top of it as it was going under and just like fully. Me and some kid that was in the chat thing. Yeah, right. They weren't speaking English. It was this beautiful moment where we didn't understand what each other was saying,

but my kids are screaming at me, Dad, get off the Titanic. Because when it goes fully under, it sucks you under. How did this happen that he's hijacked it with a gaming story? It sucks you under. I don't know. And so they were like, run and jump. So I run and jumped, and I got back on the lifeboat and watched the Titanic sink,

and then the game was over. So you survived? Yeah. Well done. Congratulations. There was plenty of room on the lifeboats. I don't know what they were all whinging about. Well, for the couple of people that haven't seen it, like Vaughan,

she's on a door and Jack's hanging on to the door. He's in the ocean and obviously gets hypothermia and slips away. And despite the fact that she says, I'll never let go, she quite quickly lets go. Very quickly. Very quickly. He's dead weight at this point. Yeah, self-preservation.

So this apparently for years has annoyed James Cameron, who's known for his short temper. He has always called the discourse stupid. He said there is no debate. So what he did in this, all of the, it's going to go into detail, there's going to be a special released about the film in February next year. Like it's been annoying him so much that people have picked this hole in his movie. Yeah.

For how many years? 97 that came out. Yeah. 20 his movie for how many years? 97 that came out. Yeah. 20 something years. 25 years-ish. So he got some scientists together. He went so far. He said we have done a scientific study

to put this whole thing to rest and drive a stake through its heart once and for all. We have since done a thorough forensic analysis with a hypothermia expert who reproduced the raft from the movie. We have since done a thorough forensic analysis with a hypothermia expert who reproduced the raft from the movie. We took two stunt people who were the same body mass of Kate and Leo. We put sensors all over them.

The man's got too much money. He's got way too much money. Also, Mythbusters did this and they said there was room on the door. Didn't Mythbusters do a door wreck? Well, he's done his own research here. We put them in ice water and we tested to see... He's done his own research here.

That's a phrase that's done well over the last couple of years. They tested them to see whether or not they could have survived through a variety of methods and the answer was, conclusively, no. Only one could survive. Yeah, Mythbusters settled Titanic debate. There's a video there. Science Channel did the Titanic myth. Would Jack have survived?

Yeah, I know. He says it is, he hopes once this is released next year, that after 25 years, he won't have to deal with this anymore. Oh, yeah. There's nothing I fear. Iconic. This was me on the top of the Roblox Titanic. Oh, my God. And all these little kids are screaming, and I'm like,

I've been gaming since before you were born. We'll stay forever. Oh, no, don't voice that one. Can you hear that? It's probably better you're a listener at this point. Go back to the paper. Go back to reading the paper, please. Go back to the paper.

Fact of the Day is next on the show. Oh, you'll need me then, though, won't you? We'll finish. You said it was a thin paper. It won't take you long. And I'm done. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the Day, day, day, day, day.

That's your COVID lungs, isn't it? I needed a breath. A little breath midway through. Today's fact of the day is about the legend of the Yule cat. So there you go. This is for you guys because you like cats. Meow, meow, meow. Have you seen the video of two cats?

Meow. And each other and the guy puts the trash lid between them and they can't see each other and they go. And then he lifts it up and they go. That's good. I love cats. I don't know how to search and find that. I saw it.

I just like when you do. My favourite one is, well, hi. Have you seen the cat speaking in a southern accent? Yes. Comes around the corner and they're like, hi. And he goes, well, hi. Well, hi. So the Yule Cat is an Icelandic Christmas tradition.

And every year, a very large Christmas cat is erected in the Lachjartog square in Reykjavik. Oh, okay. This is based on a Christmas poem called The Christmas Cat. Now, the basic idea of The Christmas Cat poem, I've read it, and I'm imagining in Icelandic it might have rhymed, but in the translation to English all the rhymes are lost. But basically, during Christmas time, the Christmas cat prowls around the outskirts of town.

And if you're out, it'll eat you. A cat? It'll eat you. Goodness me. Unless you're wearing your new Christmas clothes. Now, this sounds like somebody wrote this poem because they got their kids a whole lot of clothes for Christmas and the kids were like, dumb, we wanted presents. Well, you've got to put them on and you've got to wear them, otherwise the Yule Cat will eat you.

So that's the basic premise of it is that it'll prowl around. And if you're not wearing your new clothes, it can be something just as new socks. And so there's this Icelandic tradition that everybody gets some form of new clothes for Christmas to keep away the Yule Cat. Could I fend off the Yule Cat with like a tin of jelly meat? Throw it in one direction and run it out the world. As a decoy. Or feed the boar on a stick. Once it's had a taste for human

it won't settle for anything else. The Yule Cat's coming to attack and you get out a little laser pointer. Here you go. I think you said right through it. I don't know if it would. They're pretty dumb. No, not the Yule Cat.

The Yule Cat's smart and a hunter. So is it a bigger cat? Yeah, yeah, it's massive. Right. It looks like, in all the drawings and everything from the poem, it does look like a domestic cat, but just a huge one. I'm looking it up. Like a lion-sized domestic cat.

Right. Imagine how dangerous your cat would be for just playing around if it was the size of a lion. Oh, this thing's terrifying. Yeah, it's meant to be terrifying. It's meant to make you behave and put on your new clothes and not misbehave. You're going to have to tell me twice.

Yeah. Put on new clothing. So if you've mostly got your children clothing for Christmas and you think they're going to play up about it, maybe it's time you sat down and learnt the story about the Icelandic Yuletide cat. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- It's a privilege I've missed out on. You're at another wedding. I am at another wedding. Well, a wedding that Fletch and I are going to on New Year's Eve is the wedding of a very good friend of the show

and, you know, outside of the show as well. Yes. Matthew John Paul McLean. Wow. Patricia. I think it's Patricia, isn't it? God bless. God bless.

God bless us all. Maddie Sean Paul McLean. Sean Paul. Sean Paul. I believe he pronounced it Sean Paul. Sean Paul. Hey. Maddie Shunpaw McLean. Shunpaw. Shunpaw. I believe he pronounced it Shunpaw. Shunpaw. Hey, Maddie. Now, you must be excited.

What, 11 days away from your wedding? Don't. Stop. That's so crazy. It's very close. Do you feel like you're all organized? I think so, but then that stresses you out because you go, surely there's something else I've got to do.

Surely there's something else I've got to do. Surely there's something else I've got to do. No, you just need to turn up, say the words, sign the paper, and that's all you do. Okay, well, Matty, here's the problem. Vaughn and I don't know what we're going to wear. Right. And it's 11 days away. On your website, it says dress code, formal, dress to impress.

No one will be overdressed is our policy exactly so place that what you will classic gays this has been totally these gays

this has been totally stressing these guys out for literally weeks Maddie they're like what do we wear what do we wear

and they look up things and they're like I don't want to wear that well what do you normally wear to a wedding shoes but I was thinking it's summer so maybe we can go They look up things and they're like, I don't want to wear that. Well, what do you normally wear to a wedding? Shoes.

But I was thinking it's summer, so maybe we can go Birkenstocks. Go on, Maddie, draw the line. It's dress to impress. You were on my 40th. I was just thinking I should wear what I wore on my 40th. You seemed very impressed with. Oh, I did quite like that actually. It doesn't sound like linen is appropriate with this wording.

A linen shirt? Is a linen shirt okay? To be fair, it's dressed to... As Vaughan says, it's dressed to impress and bloody hell did they impress me on your 40th. Yeah, but that's because he had half the buttons undone. Exactly. He had a little chest out. Boom.

Wouldn't it be so me to come to your wedding day and be so outrageously flirtatious with you? I was going to say, it's fine to flirt with another man on your wedding day. You'd be going to sign the marriage certificate and your hand would be shaking, you'd be sweating, you'd be looking up at me

and I'd just be like... I can't do it! You can wear the linen as long as you wear the Akubra as well. Well, that's my other thing. Sade said to me, you can't wear your Akubra hat. It says, like, formal. That's not a formal.

And I was like, but it is. It's really formal. I think you can wear a dress hat. Yeah, I'm wearing my good Akubra hat. Yeah. Look, one of Ryan's cousins did just message him last week and say, now, when I wear my stubbies, do I iron them with the crease on the side or on the front? Yes, on the front.

On the front. Front, all the stubbies. Yeah, that was going to be my next question. Is there like some kind of Uncle Gavin from like rural Brisbane that's coming that, you know, will just wear jeans and a T-shirt? There absolutely is. Good. Okay, well see, he won't be as bad as Uncle Gavin.

You're not Uncle Gavin. You can do better than that. He is. He can do. I'm an Uncle Gavin at heart. He's got Uncle Gavin written all over it. I'm Uncle Gavin at heart. Also, I've seen Fletcher's dress shirt recently,

and it is nipples ahoy. The white, your white one? Oh, yeah, no, no. I won't do the white one. I was just thinking I'll wear a linen shirt and something. I said that they need to wear like the minimum a sports jacket

with a shirt, some kind of neck accessory, a pant about and a shoe. Yeah, that's all we can ask. Am I ready? I was thinking this could be the occasion

where I enter my rod and gun phase. I don't know if you're there yet. Did you hear that? No, listen to this. Did you hear that? That gasp from me? He liked it, yeah. I don't know if you're there yet, Paul. Did you hear that? No, listen to this. Did you hear that? That gasp from Matty? He liked it, yeah.

I should know. Are you going to put the moleskins on? Oh, yeah, but moleskins. Speaking of nipples, mine just got hard. Yeah, I can hear that, Matty. Wow, wow. Okay, well, there's a lot for us to interpret from this with 11 days.

I mean, to be honest, by the sounds of it, I can do no wrong. Yeah, because he's got a major crush on you. Yeah, I'm worried about you. He can do better. And my problem is, I always say to my wife

to these events, and she, boy, 10 out of 10, Bellissimo. She always looks great. Yes, she does. Dead ass!

I'm going to be slapping that cake all day. Dead ass. I'm going to be grabbing. I'm going to even have my wall passed over. Okay, we're on air. We're on air. Mitch,. I'm going to be grabbing. I'm going to eat it at my World Pass. Okay, we're on air. We're on air.

Mitch, do you need me to cast in Chris Lee? Do you need me to cast in a little bit of a shopping spree? Yeah, maybe. Maybe we do need to go shopping. But I've been waiting until now primarily because I, you know, might have a Christmas blowout. But Betty. Do you want to wait for the Boxing Day sale?

Yes. Do you want to get a cheap deal? Betty, this is your wedding. You have so much to get a cheap deal? This is your wedding. You have so much to think about other than dressing one of your guests who is entirely capable on his own. He's brought this on himself because of the strict dress code.

He's brought it on himself. Oh, no. I don't think formal is like a crazy thing to put on a wedding invite as a guest, as a dress code. It's outrageous. By default, I expect a formal, so when it's written,

I freak out because if it didn't, if it just said dress to impress, I'd be like, I don't know. But now it's got formal in front,

formal dress to impress. Formal just means like a jacket and a tie and not sandals and not shorts. Not Birkenstocks. Okay.

Well, thank you very much for clearing that up, Maddy McLean, and we'll see you next time. I don't think I have a God help us on my wedding day. Yeah, can you... Have anyone from Rod and Guns listening?

I'm officially ready. I'm ready to enter my Rod and Guns You're ready to be an unofficial spokesperson? Absolutely. I'll tag you on the gram. I've gone straight from Helen Steins to Rod and Gun. You can't wear a checkered shirt to me. Don't they just do checkered shirts and fishing rods? And woolly mitts.

And guns. Fishing rods and guns. Yeah. Dad loafers. I don't know. All right, Matty, thank you very much. We wanted to open up the phone lines now to talk about when you've had a fashion disaster. Yeah, maybe like these two, you just utterly misread the brief and turned up way too casual.

Or way too overdressed. Way too, yeah, a gown and a beach. Because that can happen, a gown and a beach, yeah. Or maybe you've had another wardrobe slip, like a nip, dare I say. Oh, dear. A nippage slippage. Right, okay. Or the classic, I love at weddings watching girls fall into the grass.

There's stupid stilettos. Oh, there's stilettos. When they have to walk down a wet, grassy lawn. What about a little bit later in proceedings when a bride goes to the toilet and her dress gets tucked in and then she walks in and because she's a bridesmaid everybody looks and then she's like And she's got her Spanx showing. Alright well 0800 DALSATM

is the number you can text as well. 9696. We want to know about your wedding attire fail. We are inquiring about your wedding day wardrobe fails. Be you the bride or in the bridal party or just a guest? Amy, underdressed or overdressed? So I was actually quite overdressed. Oh, okay. What was the vibe and how did you get it so wrong?

Well, it's not actually someone that I personally know. It was my partner's workmate and, you know, they're just tradies. Yeah.

I love a tradie. So they were probably all in stubbies at the wedding anyway. Yeah, well, I mean, this is the first wedding I went to as an adult,

so you know, you're used to going to weddings and you see your parents dressed up and stuff and I was like, oh cool, this is the first wedding I went to as an adult, you know. You used to go to the weddings and you see your parents dress nice. And so I was like, oh, cool. We're a nice little, like, sort of cocktail-y dress. Nothing too fancy that I thought. And, like, the typical pair of yours sort of tie up heels. Oh, yeah, gorgeous, gorgeous. I show up and there's a lot of people in jeans and, like, semi-smart shirts.

The bride was, I mean, the groom was also wearing those DC high-top skate shoes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. A classic formal shirt. Wow. Were they at least clean or were they just as favourites? No, they were definitely quite worn. Yeah, wow. And you weren't more overdressed than the bride, were you?

Well, not really. It wasn't like your typical wedding I discovered when I got here. She thought I had like a whole red and black wedding dress thing going on. But, um, yeah, it was definitely an interesting event. Wow. Sorry, we're not laughing. I mean, it's their day. It's their day.

It's their day. They should be dressed how they want to be dressed. But I just love the thought of someone turning up full formal and the bride's got a red and black thing going on. That's so good. Oh, Amy, brilliant. You should have been informed, Amy. Thank you, Amy.

Let's go to Simon. Simon, overdressed or underdressed? It's probably sort of undressed, actually. My wife was wearing a wraparound dress. It was quite flimsy. Flimsy!

She was on the dance floor and the dress unraveled. Oh, I've done this. Flat wrap dresses are so overrated. She was wearing something underneath, I think, but it's fairly flimsy, I think. Wow.

Flimsy we number. Oh, dear. So that was what practically naked on the dance floor then. A rap dress is a fancy word for a robe. Simon, thanks. You called some messages in. Somebody said, I am known for wearing a yellow croc

underneath a long dress to a wedding. And there are the odd photo with the yellow croc. We'll just poke out a little bit. Right. So they're thinking they can hide the croc because the dress would cover it normally. Yes. I could have picked nude crocs to suit the dresses,

but I'm already wearing the ugliest shoes, so may as well wear the brightest color to make it all about me. Yeah, right. That's what brides want in their bridal party. Yeah, yeah. The ugliest colour. Bridal party.

Somebody said, the only time, this is from a female texter, the only time I've ever worn a hat in a formal setting was to my sister's wedding. I walked into the church, my brother-in-law and his brother and the best man all shouted, oh, a UFO! Woo! Oh, was she wearing like a fascinated kind of circle thing? Posh hat. Never wore my name again.

Maybe I could, do you think I could pull off a fascinator to this wedding? Yeah, you could do one of those little headband ones with some sort of lace. And just blow it on because I don't have any hair. Yeah, you wouldn't have to patch it down. I did the worm on the wedding dance floor and split my dress right up the side from the hem down to the armpit. A few safety pins later, it was back on the dance floor.

Dress half open. Safe to say, it got thrown out the next day. There was no coming back from that. My husband's nickname is Splitchard Richard. That's a terrible nickname. Splitchard Richard. Splitchard Richard. I've done a little work there to make it right.

I like it. I like it. Because he split his pants at my bestie's wedding. He still gets called this 10 years later. Oh, God. He split them and said, I have to go home. So I went and said goodbye to each group of the guests. And by the end, the nickname was set in stone.

Splitchurch. Brilliant. Yeah, look, there's some, to be honest. I don't think we can do that bad. Nah, we're not going to do that bad. Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners. You've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through,

you're either asleep, in which case, wake up! Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.