ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 20th May 2022

Episode Date: May 19, 2022

Top 6: Budget  Silly Little Poll!  Massage Etiquette  Final Rankings!  Don't Get Fletch Started!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Grab any size McCafe coffee for only $4 conditions apply. Big weekend for me this weekend as I hermit away from the world to try to make it through to my flight next Tuesday sans COVID. Yes. And it seems like it's everywhere.

I know, yeah. If you're listening from overseas, it really feels like New Zealand's now getting those insane amounts of COVID that everybody else was getting. Like, well, everywhere and every time, basically. Rolling the waves, aren't we? The COVID waves. It really feels like this is a second big wave. Our daily case numbers are getting up towards 10,000 again.

And you've got, what, four days until you hop on a plane to LAX. Yeah, I'm wearing a mask everywhere. A couple of people said to me yesterday, oh, it yeah i know i think like i'm some sort of fucking moron i'm not wanting to get a disease that you've got covering the lower half of your face mask still are you oh okay someone said to me at school pickup yesterday i'm like yeah have you seen a classroom it's literally a covid incubator yeah um But I'm staying at home this weekend and I'm hiring a giant mulcher. A mulcher?

A chipper. Yeah, yeah, a chipper mulcher thing. I've been cutting down some trees and trimming some trees for the new garage. Some things need to be moved. And, well, I say moved, I mean literally destroyed. And this weekend I get to feed it all into a giant mulching machine.

So COVID might not stop me going to LA, but losing my arms into a mulcher might. Well, Fargo, the movie, that's how they feed that body into the mulcher, the chipper, don't they? That's right. That's good. That'd make good soil, eh, putting a human through it? Or blood and bone. Yeah, man.

Yeah. That'd grow some good plants, good tomatoes. Couldn't get the cats or dogs off it, though, let me tell you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But, yeah, that's my weekend. Okay, so you're like that. Yeah, right.

You can still go to. No flax, no cabbage trees. Why not? It's too stringy. They're ropey, yeah, super fibrous. So you're telling me that a mulcher is very much like a juicer. It is a tree. It's a tree juicer.

Yeah, it's a tree juicer. Because you put celery and anything stringy into a juicer and you're fucked. It's like. Yeah. It's a tree juicer Yeah it's a tree juicer Because you put celery And anything stringy Into a juicer And you're fucked It's like Gets all caught up But no I'm very much

Looking forward to making A huge pile of mulch And then I've got That mulch smell And that mulch steam Yeah good stuff It's going to be a lovely Big pile of mulch

So you could be going To Disneyland next week With one arm Could do Or less fingers I'd just say quarter cauterise it. I'm getting on that plane. Yeah, just shove it in a fire.

Yeah. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's three minutes past six. Happy Pink Shirt Day. Happy Pink Shirt Day.

I went double. I've got pink jumper and pink shirt. Big pink energy. So when it gets too hot, you've covered all your pink bases. Yeah, nice. Yeah. Happy Harry Styles album day. Oh.

We had a little tip. We started. You came in and were like, listen to this. What was the song? Music for a sushi restaurant. Yeah, something like that. Something for a sushi shop. It was cool.

It was funky. The CD. We listened to the CD. I put the CD in. Put the CD on. Windows sounds. Tracks. Yeah.

Picked up the CD. Yeah. Did you listen on the listening post? Yeah, I was trying to listen, but I was walking here and I was skipping in my Discman. Oh, yeah. You should get the anti-shock. Yeah. Yeah.

Also, happy, what other day is it today? Friday. Yes. Happy. Post... What other day is it today? Friday. Yes. Happy... Post-budget day. That's not really a day, is it? Budget day. Budget boxing day.

Although, a lot of people getting $350. Yeah. Getting a little cash from the government. It's World B-Day. The letter or the buzzy thing? The buzzy. Okay. The buzzy The buzzy thing

Not the thing that you sit on To wash your bum That's a bidet A world bidet That's world bidet day Which is in August It's a world bidet day Which is a perfect time to

I told Were you We were talking about bidets That haven't been paying attention And I told the story About at high school The rich family had a bidet And they had a party at their house

When their parents were out of town And someone took a shit in the bidet Because they didn't know They just thought it was two their parents, right in town, and someone took a shit in the bidet because they didn't know. They just thought it was two toilets. That's Morrinsville for you, eh? Someone took a shit. How did someone in the 90s in Morrinsville have a bidet?

They were rich. I can't remember. They were like an engineering. Right. They had money anyway and they redid their house and yeah, they put a bidet in. I think it was a real...

It was a real power move. Real power move, real show of wealth to have a bidet. When you have a bidet in. I think it was a real... It was a real power move. Real power move. Real show of wealth to have a bidet. When you have a bidet that's not in your normal toilet, so you go for a whatever. And then you scooch to the side for the wash. Too much admin. Yeah, a lot of life admin there involved in that.

Ah, but someone took a poo in it. Bigs. Who pooed in a bidet? National Bike to Work Day. National Meditation Day. National Pick Strawberries Day. That's obviously for the Northern Hemisphere. It was too much to get done. I can't meditate. National bike to work day. National meditation day. National pick strawberries day. That's obviously for the northern hemisphere.

There's too much to get done. I can't meditate. National quiche day. Oh, I'll get on board with that. I'll get on board with the quiche. Love a quiche. In studio. National weights

and measurements day. Not to weigh yourself, but to recognise there's a universal standard for... Yeah. Well, happy centimeters. Oh, there's so many days today. Coming up on the show,

the top six. We're dealing with yesterday's bougie. I am.. Coming up on the show, the top six. We're dealing with yesterday's bougie. I am. I'm looking into the budget. The top six things I'm very surprised not to see in the budget.

Very surprised. All right, your chance to win free fuel coming up at eight this morning with our retro petrol time machine. Next on the show, you may have heard of this man. He's been in a documentary.

He's got a Guinness World Record. Ooh, la la. He's got in a documentary. He's got a Guinness World Record. Ooh, la la. He's got another record. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. And while you're there, maybe grab a Big Mac like this man who for nearly every

day for the last 50 years has eaten a Big Mac. Is he the dude that was on Super Size Me? Yes. Dan Gorks is now 68. He's from Wisconsin. When that documentary was out, what? 2004.

So he was 50. He's still going. He holds the Guinness World Record title for most Big Mac burgers eaten in a lifetime after he started in 1999. How many years has the Big Mac been around? Well, ever since.

Oh, that's a good call. Was it the original? I don't think it was the original. You watched it. I think Michael Keaton invented it, didn't he? Yeah. Well, he stole it off the inventors, didn't he? That's it.

Shit, I love that movie. I still haven't seen it. It is a good movie. The Founders? Yeah. About Ray Kroc. Yeah. So good.

It's one of the company's flagship products and signature dishes. It was created by an early Ray Kroc franchisee who was operating several restaurants in the Pittsburgh area. It was invented in the kitchen of Deligati's first McDonald's franchise. It just never really crossed my radar because I was always a nugget girl and then later in life transferred into a McChicken woman. And now I am a Filet-O-Fish lady. Which is, I mean, I resent that because it's so fresh.

I don't mind a Big Mac, but yeah, it's a quarter peas for me every time. But so the Filet-O-Fish doesn't have a song. Yeah, it does. What? Filet-O-Fish doesn't have a song. Yeah, it does. What? Filet-O-Fish, fresh as hell. Steam that bun as well. You were short of a syllable there. What?

So for the last 50 years, he has only missed eight days. Was it his COVID? Without eating. His COVID isolation, days. Was it his COVID? Without eating. His COVID isolation, perhaps. Might have been COVID isolation. Or he was on holiday or for whatever reason couldn't make it to a Macca's. But yeah, he yesterday or Tuesday, 50 years. Wow.

32,000 Big Macs. Does he eat other things or is he just eating a couple of Big Ems? I can't remember. He was on the doco. Yeah,000 Big Macs. Does he eat other things or is he just hoon a couple of... I can't remember. He was on the doco, eh? Yeah, on the doco, he was hitting a milestone. Yeah. Remember they were celebrating his somethingth burger,

like millionth Big Mac or something. Yeah, it wasn't a year, it wasn't a year. It wasn't a millionth Big Mac. And then now he's just kept going. Yeah, and quite often he'll do two at a time. Has he still got his funky haircut? He's still got his funky haircut. The dude had a weird hairdo, didn't he?

It was like really long at the back. John Lennon glasses teamed up with the Beatles, early Beatles fringe. Long fringe. And long sideburns. And only different aspects of the hair were dyed. Some was naturally grey. That's right. The sideburns were, yeah.

Is he married? Um, doesn't say. I wonder if he's married and he has a partner, if his partner also accompanies him to Mickey D's every day and gets... Oh, he has, just further down the article, said one of the reasons he missed a day, one of those eight days his mother died, and it was a way of honouring her.

Was she not a McDonald's woman? So he was like, I won't eat it today. I don't know. Maybe he just thought it was a bit... The next day he had double. Yeah. Oh, well. Weird.

Good luck to him for the next 10 years, I guess. Why don't you make a day? He's not stopping, right? Nope. Why would you? Sure doesn't sound like it. No. Next on the show.

70% of people would rather have this thing than children. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. This is such a vast majority that I actually can't believe it. So apparently, according to this study, 70% of Gen Z's would rather be a pet mum or dad than a human mum or dad. Would rather own a pet than have a child. Yeah. What have you heard them scream? Gen Zs?

Yeah, they won't stop bleeding. God, they go on and on, don't they? But not only Gen Zs. So 70% of Gen Zs would rather be a pet parent than a human parent. Yeah. 58% of millennials would rather be a pet parent than a human parent. Okay. For comparison, 48% of Gen Xers.

Who's Gen X? Wow, that's older. Yeah, that's like. Yeah, that's like... 50? 50 years old? Yeah, they're beginning to... Late 40s? Yeah, mid 40s.

48% of Gen Xers prefer a child-free life and would rather own a pet than a child. Do you own a child? I own two children. You do own two children. Isn't that nuts? I guess it's just a sign of the times, a sign of the ages, I guess.

Yeah. Of being younger. Pets, far less time consuming. But also like now if you were like whatever generation and everything's so expensive, would you just be like, oh, maybe not? As well, like when a block of cheese is 20 bucks? And kids famously love cheese.

They love cheese and they just hoon it. It's all they eat is cheese. We used to just take a knife into the fridge and like cut off a slab. Yeah. My brother. I'd just grate a whole plate after school. Yeah.

Apparently 81% That's a $10 mistake now. Oh, you can't do that. Yeah. Apparently 81% of millennial pet owners say they love their pet more than at least one family member. 77% of boomers say the same.

Cat owners slightly more likely to choose, yeah, because we're mad, aren't we? Slightly more likely to choose their pet over a relative. But you know why we're mad? We get their fecal parasites. What? Yeah, you do. It's a thing.

Yeah, they get fecal parasites. Cats work you out. What is it, toxic plasmosis or whatever it is? Yeah. They make you crazy for them. Wow. With their poop. No, but my cat fecal parasites. Cats work you out. What is it, toxic plasmosis or whatever it is? Yeah. They make you crazy for them. Wow. With their poop. No, but my cat poops outside nowhere near me.

No, but he brings it in. Yeah, on the feet. And then you get it. And then you nuzzle with the cat. I tell you, he's brought something in. I found him in the spare room on the bed, and I was like, oh, he doesn't usually go in there. That's cute.

And then he came up, and he went about his thing, and I went into the spare room, and there's feathers. Oh, okay. And I looked around the room and I was like, where's the bird? But I've just got feathers. I guess I'll smell it soon. Our cat's so posh, it just eats the organs

of anything it catches. Oh my god, when it eats it, the middle? Of the rat? Like a liver pate. Absolute 1%er of a cat. Liver and kidneys and then just leaves the rest of the rat just out there

on the lawn. Yeah. Which I'm fine with. That's disgusting. Or for a rat kill. Any way it happens. As long as it doesn't come inside.

Alright, the top six is next on the show. It was Bougie Day yesterday. The top six things I'm surprised not to have seen it allocated some spending

in the budget. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Hi there. Today's top six. The top six things I'm surprised not to see in the budget. Yeah.

What are they? Another well-being budget. That's because they give them names, right? No, I think this was a health. Was this all about health care? This one, they said. I thought it was a well-being budget. Wasn't that last time? Yeah, I think this was all about healthcare, this one. They said. I thought it was a wellbeing budget. Wasn't that last time?

Yeah, I think they went back to back. Gave everyone yoga classes? I saw Grant Robertson holding the folder, and I'm pretty sure it said wellbeing, and I was like, oh, we've been there. Let's get an exciting new name for it. I mean, arguably, everything is wellbeing. Housing is wellbeing. Mental health is wellbeing.

Food. Food is wellbeing. Cost of living, wellbeing. Yeah. Mental health is well-being. Food. Food is well-being. Yeah. Cost of living, well-being. Yeah. It really covers everything, doesn't it? Being well. That's very well-being. Are you looking up some bullet points about that?

What's getting $11 billion for the health system? Great. They need it. Give them more. And the payments of $350 if you earn under $70,000, but you don't get the winter payment, you'll be eligible for that. Yep. What's in there for me?

What am I getting? Well, that's a very... Yeah, isn't it? What's in there for me? I mean, that's... A woman who has everything she needs. But wants more. I want a little bit more.

Yeah. What's in it to help me? The person who needs no help. I have everything I could possibly ever want or need. What does the budget hold? What is this going to do to me? You get every 10th Prosecco bottle free. Oh my God.

Yes. Yeah. That was all it would take. She gets my vote. She's on board. She's on board. The top six things I'm surprised not to see

in the budget. Number six, my idea for a first homebuyer's lottery. Oh, that's right. Yeah, you win your first home, but you've got to,

like, pay, was it your student loan? Was that, I mean, multiple ways to enter. There could be the student loan lottery,

like, you just make enough student loan repayments. No, that was my student loan payoff lottery. If you make enough payments, they'll just swipe it. If you just don't miss a payment, you enter the drawer, like bonus bonds. You just pay that and you get in the drawer to win your student loan paid off. And every month they pay off half a dozen student loans.

This was like you enter, if you meet the criteria, you enter. There's a number of houses, you go into the lottery and you might win a four bedroom house for a family of five. It's a step in. Yeah. That's good. So what you're saying is gambling is the way out of all of our problems. Effectively.

Yeah. Effectively. It's the answer to a lot of problems. Effectively. Number five on the list are the top six things I'm surprised not to see In the budget A little bit of cash Set aside for pancakes on Sunday

Yeah right Is that not on the budget? Not on the budget this year What's that every household Would get what like Enough for a mix You could either get The pancake batter

Yeah Like the ones that come In the little bottle That you put water in But that Going into the weekend I always like to Say this to the kids If we're going to do those pancakes You need to give it a good shake Before you put put water in. But that, going into the weekend, I always like to say this to the kids,

if we're going to do those pancakes, you need to give it a good shake before you put the water in. Because it needs to be loosened up and unpacked. If it's been sitting,

it sits in the thing and you'll never get all the powder off the bottom. It's like your protein shaker. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sometimes I even encourage them not to use that bottle

that it came in. Oh, so to transfer it to a bowl. And give it a... God, you're saving the planet? Well, not really, because I'm still using plastic. We do recycle it. Yeah. Yeah.

Number four on the list of the top six things I'm surprised not to see in the budget, a little bit more money put aside to invent some new vape flavours to get people off ciggies. What are some flavour ideas that you've got brewing? Well, typically Kiwi flavours, you've got your kumara vape, you've got your steak and cheese pie vape. What about a chilli con carne? Tim Tam. A V.

Tim Tam. You've got your traditional green V vape. V vape. V vape. Get the kids off the ciggies. Yeah. I saw someone smoking a cigarette the other day. So funny. Vintage. Very vintage and analogue off the ciggies. Yeah. I saw someone smoking a cigarette the other day. So funny.

Vintage. Very vintage and analogue. Analogue. So analogue. Just crazy. Number three on the list of the top six things I'm surprised not to see in the budget, my suggestion to tax churches. I mean, we need money and people seem to love giving churches money.

Don't even get me started. They're doing work, but it's the Lord's work. And I don't think that's tax deductible. The Lord's work. It definitely should be. Oh, I don't know. What were your weight, Bix? Anything.

Pay some tax. Sanitarium. Every dollar tithed. Wild. Wild. But sanitarium doesn't. Every dollar tithed, regardless of how, will be taxed in the Vaughan Smith tax the churches plan.

I might start a church. I already have. Oh, have you? Yeah, I put all my work through my church. You know, Kris Jenner started a church, right? The Kardashians' mum.

She started a church and in this season, Shade's been watching the new season of It's really good. of the Kardashians. Oh, wow. You're admitting this now,

aren't you? Yep. Wow. I've been watching it too. Okay. And they're definitely working a bit, aren't you? Yep. Wow. I've been watching it too. Okay. And definitely working a bit more gaudy stuff in. Yes. They did a prayer for Kim before some bar exam or something.

Is it just to... 100%. Oh my god. Like a number of times I'll say like, well if God wants it or something like, you know like, Courtney's trying to have a baby, well if God... Just to get the text. Mate, you should see the new house she built. She celebrates her birthday by showing everybody the brand new house she built. I know she makes money off them as well by being their manager,

but don't tell me that's not all going through a church to dodge tax. The house is the church. It's insane. Thoughts and prayers, guys. Thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and prayers and no taxes. Also just on that, watch Righteous Gemstones.

Righteous. So good. So good. Such a good show. Number two on the list of the top six things I'm surprised not to see in the budget. The $50 for a photo with a Kiwi idea that I put forward. Yeah. It would really get some money going.

What's this idea? How does it work? Well, you can have a photo with a Kiwi, but it's $50. A Kiwi bird or a Kiwi person? Kiwi bird. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm a bit of a Kiwi bird myself.

I'll take 50 bucks. You can charge however much you want for a photo with you or your feet. And number one on the list of the top six ideas, I'm surprised not to see in the budget after I personally put forward scratchies instead of KiwiSaver. So you can choose to opt into

KiwiSaver or you can choose to opt into KiwiSaver or you can choose to opt into Scratchies. Again gambling. Yeah, again gambling. Bookending with gambling. How's your KiwiSaver going? Mate, that feels like a bit of a gamble to me at the moment, doesn't it? It's just falling through the floor.

So much for retirement. Guess who's getting euthanized For their 65th birthday Are you a high risk? I'm high risk baby Get it out No it's gonna stay in high risk You've gotta ride the rollercoaster

When it bounces back Smithy's gonna be flush Yeah Otherwise you'll be euthanized On your 65th Or whenever you can We save the rides out 45th probably

Latest today's top six Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Harry Styles falling His new album is out today Harry's House We've got a chance for you to win If you go to ZM online Confess your love for Harry Styles

Which won't be hard to do We've got $1000 up for grabs To restyle To buy some pieces For your house Do you need some moment there? Do you need a moment? No I'm excited restyles to buy some pieces for your house. Do you need a moment there? Do you need a moment?

No, I'm excited. Also up for grabs with that $1,000 a Harry's House vinyl which I saw online the other day were like 75 bucks for a vinyl. Yeah, but for a fancy one.

For a fancy one. Yeah, it's a fancy one. A collectible one. Yeah. So ZM online to register and check out Harry's new album Harry's House today

wherever you listen by no one's buying CDs anymore, are they? Yeah, I went to the CD store, like the CD store on the way to work. No, remember the CD store? Oh, yeah, right. That was after Sounds. Yeah, right. Wasn't doing so well. It was short-lived, wasn't it?

Because they didn't branch out into tapes. No, they didn't have cassettes. No cassettes. It was just CDs. Yummy, yummy, yummy In my tummy It's so rich and good I did not anticipate that. That's good.

I like that. Jared has been so worried about that because he's been working on that behind the scenes, producer Jared, and then Fletch the other day mentioned he hated ABBA. And he was like, oh no, that's an ABBA. I do hate scenes producer, Jared, and then Fletch the other day mentioned he hated ABBA. And he was like, oh, no, that's an ABBA.

I do hate ABBA, but I do like that. That's really good. And, Jared, you had a bad dream last night, didn't you? Yeah, I dreamt I got yelled at after we played that. Jared! I wouldn't do that to you today. It's pink shirt day, Jared. Yeah, no bullying.

And I honestly think that is so delightful. Let me just write something down for Monday. Talk to Jared about this intro. I just wasn't anticipating it being in that register. Yeah, it was good. I'm so glad I wasn't asked to sing that. You know, that's not my register, Jared, and you didn't bother asking, and I thank you for that.

Well, Yummy Yummy is a segment of the show where we take a look at new food items hitting the shelves. A couple of chocolates. Yeah, or three, in fact. Okay, well, I'll start with the first two because I've tried them. Did you have a little hoon yesterday morning? I had a little hoon, yeah. So it is from Whittaker's.

It is their Botanicals range, asking you to relax and refresh. Relax with passion fruit with chamomile-infused 33% cocoa creamy milk chocolate. Or refresh with peppermint with lavender. This is where I think they went wrong. I like the passion fruit part of it, but the chamomile and the other thing was not good. It's the lavender. The floral. It's too floral.

So lavender-infused cocoa creamy milk chocolate. So it's the creamy milk chocolate, which, Whitaker's, honestly, 10 out of 10 for me, the creamy milk chocolate. So it's the creamy milk chocolate, which Whitaker's honestly 100%, 10 out of 10 for me, the creamy milk chocolate. Feels like I'm at the Zilong tea estate though, you know, like I'm being offered something I don't really want and you're not allowed to ask for coffee. It feels like, you know, when you walk into Lush and everything smells so amazing and then you look at some of the bars and you think, I want to bite into it. And then you wonder what that would taste like. And then you remember, it's soap. Yeah. That's what these taste like.

Wow. But with a bit more chocolate. But at a push, if you were at a stretch. And it was the only thing in the pantry. Yeah. You'd do it. You'd do it. I think some people will really like this.

If they're into, you know, your rose, lavender-y, floral flavours. And I'm just not. You don't want to taste that. And it's that thin chocolate too. Oh, yeah. It's not like a chunky bar. It's not a big block.

It's that posh. It's posh. It's posh chalk. It's the posh thin chalk. Skinny chalk. Yeah, skinny. No, no, no. Give me a big fat chalk.

I think you're out of the demo. I think it's rich old women. Well, I'm nearly in the demo. I just need to get a little bit richer. And a little bit older. Wow. Arguably. Okay, here's one I'm absolutely in the demo. I just need to get a little bit richer. And a little bit older. Wow. Arguably. Okay, here's one

I'm absolutely jazzed about and this is where my more basic taste buds come into play. It is Cadbury Dairy Milk Banana Caramel aka

Banoffee. Banoffee. Which is Banoffee. Banana is my number one premier flavour. Is it? Anything banana, I'm jazzed. That's disgusting.

I'm the complete opposite. Oh, my God. Banana. Banana. Banana. Banana. Banana. Why don't you play that for Flashback Friday?

Uh-huh. There's my banana. I think we've done that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we've done that. So it's got caramel in it and delicious. Like a goo? Like a banana goo.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I want it so bad. Banana flavoured with banana flavoured and smooth flowing caramel centres. Okay. Yeah. Banana, man. I could hit a bit of that.

I could have a banana fruit burst right now. Or one of those little marshmallow-y bananas. Or you know banana dots? I'm glad I've found someone to... You know those little cheap bags that do smokers? The pink musk smokers? Yeah. They do some banana dots.

They're like little yellow versions of... Oh, you love all the lollies I hate. I love it. Yum, yum, yum, yum. I want it. At least when we're doing a road trip, you'll eat all the gross lollies. They're not the gross. They're the best. What are you having?

The nice ones, like the red and the purple. Oh, dear. The greens. How common? Greens. Oh, I'll take care of the greens. Oh, greens. I'll take care of the greens.

No one wants orange, though, do they? No one wants orange or yellow. Oh, no, I love a yellow. No, I love a yellow. Oh, the yellow could be banana. I'm a yellow if it's lemon. Or a pineapple. I love a yellow. No, I love a yellow. Yellow could be banana. I'm a yellow if it's lemon. Or a pineapple. I love a lemon.

I'll go a pineapple. All right, well, three more new chocolate flavours we definitely didn't need. What's next? What is next? ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Today's silly little poll. Do you poop at work or wait until you get home? Now, there was an article recently where a doctor was like, never ever hold on to your poops.

It's terrible for your digestive system. Right. So if you're at work and you need to poop, you've got to go. The recommendation from doctors is you've got to do it. Yeah. Some people don't like it so much they'll go out of their way to go home

if they're out say at a mall or at work some people from work will just wait yeah how do you wait

yeah I don't know once the process has started I mean maybe they just get into a routine where it's at home yeah perhaps before they go to work or at night

so 61% of people said they'll poop at work 39% said wait till I get home So just under half there I mean how grim is your work toilet? Or is it just the fact that so many people use the toilet? I was disgusted at the state of our work toilets

The other day wasn't I? You were yeah I was very vocal about the fact that No grown man should leave Ablutions in such a state Well they didn't leave them in there, did they? All over the place. Oh, no.

So some responses. Joe replied, there's no place like home. That's true. Of course you prefer to do it at home. Of course. And you always have a better quality TP. Oh, my God, I know. Quadruple ply.

So much ply. Sometimes I'll just use a handy towel. Yeah. Mine's too thick, it doesn't even fold. You're using cartridge, aren't you? Is that wrong? Yeah. 250 GSM.

Sarah says, only in absolute emergencies will I ablute at work. Yeah. Juliet says, just do an aggressive yank of the toilet paper. Times perfectly to block the sound of it plopping. Oh, so she's saying if you're worried about the sound of the plop at work, put some toilet paper down the floor. Put down a bed. That also helps with skids going forward.

Maybe a little quick pre-flush, just a little splash of that. Then put down your bed of toilet paper down the floor. Put down a bed. That also helps with skids going forward. Maybe a little quick pre-flush. Just a little quick little splash of that. Then put down your bed of toilet paper. Yeah. Do your ablutions. A timely cough sometimes. Yeah, cough-ish, as Juliet says. An aggressive yank of the toilet paper to block any sounds.

Or wait till somebody else flushes the toilet or turns on the tap and then just let rip real quick. Yeah, be a quick, no, no, no, no, no. Toilet paper on top, flush. Why are we so embarrassed by something that we all do? I know, but I mean, no one wants to hear someone else's plop either. Tanya said, always at home unless it's a poop at work or shit my pants situation, then of course I will poop at work.

Megan says, if you've got to poop, you've got to poop. There's no holding it in. I'll poop where've got to poop. There's no holding it in. Yeah. I'll poop where I need to poop. Do you think in terms of workplace toilets that people with disabilities are really tired of their loo being used as designated poo loo? Is that a male thing as well? Always in the female toilets, if you're going to do an ablution, you tend to go in the accessible toilet.

Oh, yeah, because it's a lot of room, yeah. A bit more space, spread your legs out. And it's got its own basin. It does have its own basin. Yeah. You can spend as much time in there as you want,

you know, without people sort of going, hurry up. Chloe says, this is actually a laugh I have between my husband and I. I work in a private household and I will absolutely not go

if they are working from home or around. My husband says it's really bad for me and always threatens to text my bosses and tell them that I need a poop. That you're holding in your poops? Yeah, she's holding in a poop. Surely there's a, like, if you're working for someone at their house,

it's, like, got to be a posh house, right? Yeah, very posh. Like, there's got to be some... Multiple toilets. Multiple toilets, and you could be in and out. You need a pool loo. Yeah. Designate a pool loo.

Disguise it with you're cleaning the toilet. Yeah, yeah. Even if that's not're cleaning the toilet. Yeah, yeah. Even if that's not what your job is. Yeah, yeah. If you're an assistant you're like, I think I'm just going

to give the toilet a bit of a clean. Yeah. There's some wheeze on the seat from one of these pesky male employees. Yes.

Cat says, it took me over a year to work up the courage to poo at work. I'd leave in my car and use the nearest public toilet. Three years later

I don't care. So she was jumping out of the frypan and into the fire there. Public toilets are always packed. Worse. Yeah, they're always worse. You know those ones with no seats? It's just stainless steel. Oh my god, it's so cold.

They're a hover. You do a deep squat. You've got a deep squat. Actually, great for helping you poop to a deep squat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good position. Sophie sings us a song. A dollar and a dime every time I poop on company time. Yeah, okay.

So she's saying get out of work. Yep. Allows me to breathe for a little bit, catch up on social media. I leave at the house at 4.30 a.m. and often don't get home till 5.30. Oh, you're nice. So I'm not on my phone so much. It's a good little bit of me time during the day. Yeah, it's just the micro pause, you know?

Yeah. And Laura says, I'll poop anywhere. I always need to go when I go somewhere new. Maybe she gets a little bit nervous. Yeah, and so she poops there, marks her territory, and away she goes. Like a dog. Like a dog.

Leaves her scent. I mean, the fact that Laura smears it around is probably a bit dumb. Yeah, that's not right. So, thespinoff.co.nz have done a deep dive. They've noticed something's missing from the shelves of our supermarkets. Which, I mean, it's getting better, the supermarket, the holes at the supermarket. Yeah, the holes, the gaping holes of the supermarket. It was terrible. You walk around and be like, no, okay, not getting that today. No, the holes that the supermarket are. Yeah, the holes, the gaping holes of the supermarket. It was terrible.

You walk around and be like, no, okay, not getting that today. No, no bread. All right, looks like I'm not doing the dishes this week. Yep, none of that. Can't wash my clothes. All right, can't feed my cat. Okay, what are we getting? I think that was because all the staff at the store,

at the distribution warehouses had COVID, so they couldn't get it to the supermarkets. Whereas I think that's a bit better now. I thought you were going to say all the staff at the supermarket were buying it. You know, like I always used to think this about clothing stores, like secondhand clothing stores. All the good stuff would be gone because the staff would be like, I'm going to take that.

Anyway, that's a side thought. Anyway, so what's missing from the shelves is Paul Newman's salad dressing. It's gone. Now this is the actor, right? Who had his own dressing. Had his own dressing Was he even involved in He was

I read some amazing story once about how much money His estate makes off the dressing And who gets the money 100% goes to charity Seriously 100% of it goes to charity The dressing that's the whole thing Which is 1982 it started Of his card It won't be like 100% of it goes to charity. Right. The dressing. That's the whole thing. Okay.

Of his cut. 1982 it started. Maybe. Of his cut. It won't be like, I mean, there'll be some food. Yeah,

I think it's 100% goes to charity. Asterix. No, but in 1982, feeling slightly guilty about all of the money that Paul Newman had made. This is from the spinoff.

Yeah. Newman decided to give 100% of the profits. So yes, you like cover all your costs. Yeah. 100% of the profits to charity. Something that's become an 100% of the profits. So yes, you like cover all your costs. Yeah. 100% of the profits to charity.

Something that's become an iconic part of the branding. He's donated to date more than 540 million US dollars to charity organizations around the world, including some in New Zealand. Wow, just for dressings. Just for salad. I mean, you can't have a salad without dressings. Yeah. That's just lettuce.

So what have people noticed is missing? All of his dressings are gone. Really? They're gone from the shelves. In any supermarket you go to, you cannot find Newman's own dressing. And particularly upset is producer Anna. Really?

Upset about the fact- You loved Newman's dressing. And in particular, the Caesar. Yeah, I'm a huge fan. And did you notice this before the article? Yes. And you just thought COVID. And I've been on the hunt for a Caesar alternative.

I'll tell you what, it didn't even cross my mind to make it myself. Oh, I did yell at you, make it yourself. Yeah, your bottle dressing shamed me. I don't have the time. I don't have a lot of time. But yeah, no, I can't find a good Caesar alternative. And I'm very sad I missed Paul. Because the Paul Newman's Caesar dressing is not particularly creamy, eh?

It's... It's... It's marvellous. Right. So apparently there's just no... I don't think I've ever had a bit of Newman's. Yeah, I've got to say I make my own. I've got a lot of self-respect.

But, you know, if you don't have the time, then Newman's is a good option. So apparently the spinoff reached out to, who are the big ones? Foodstuffs and Countdown. Lovely people. They're basically like, we don't know. We're working on it. We don't know what's

happened. There's no sort of... One day they just didn't get the supply anymore. Yeah. So they're saying they haven't had stock for around six months now according to a spokesperson for Countdown. Is it imported by that place

you know where you get something and it says imported by something something Mangere Bridge. There's always one place. Yeah.

And it's like anything that's imported it always says imported for New Zealand market by blah blah blah blah blah. Yes. Well that's because

that's where all the big giant warehouses are. That's what I'm saying. Are they dropping the ball? Well, maybe it's a supply issue, is it? It could be a supply issue. It could be. I mean, there's rumours of discontinuing.

Oh, my God. You know what you should do when you go to Disneyland is go to a supermarket. Buy up some humans. Buy up some humans. And then bring it back and sell them for like $600 a bottle. You weren't sure what to get us as gifts. Anna would take a bottle or two of Caesar.

Is it Newman Caesar that you're about? So anyway, I mean, people are devastated because their salads are just dry. And so I wanted to ask what foods you wish would come back. You know when a food just disappears, you're like, hey, where were... Oh, I hate when they go. I was into that.

Where'd you go? I was into that. Where'd you go? The worst one, tangy fruits. Everyone's like, I miss tangy fruits. It was into that. Where'd you go? I was into that. Where'd you go? You know the worst one? Tangy fruits. Everyone's like, I miss tangy fruits. It's like you never bought them. That's why they stopped making them. Oh, I loved tangy fruits.

Terrible things. Mine is... Remember Splice? The ice blocks? Yes. Splice? Are they not around? No, no, no.

Not Splice. What was it? Marizzo. Calypso. Calypso. No, not Calypso. Calypso. It was like mango...

The three that... No, no, no. Not the frugiotropical snow. No, notso. Not Calypso. It was like mango. The three that. No, no, no, no. Not the frugiotropical snow. Which does disappear every winter. And why can't it be year round? Because it is truly incredible. No, I can't remember it. Paradiso.

Paradiso. Oh, it had the mango shell. It had the mango shell. With the vanilla ice cream. That was yum. That was yum. I'll give you that. But not my go-to.

But you never miss that. I miss it all the time. I think about Paradiso daily. There was the great cull-off of Ellen's lollies all at once. There was snifters, tangy fruits, sparkles. Hard jubes? Hard jubes. Yeah, I want a hard jube.

I love a hard jube. And the jubes? I tear through a soft jube. It's too much. I go through a bag of soft jubes in no time at all. I need a hard jube. Hard jubes are great for a roadie. Yeah.

A good road trip lolly. So we want to hear from you about the foods that just one day got torn away from us. Yeah, they went from your life. And you want them back. Maybe also. Yeah. It might be too much. It might be too much to balance.

Alternatives. Because somebody said, Executive Intern Anya, I was also a big fan of Newman's Caesar salad dressing, until I found Cully's Caesar dressing. Have you tried Cully's Caesar dressing? I haven't, but I'm happy to

conduct auditions. I love their sauces. They've got some great sauces. So their hot sauce is a great hot sauce. 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. All right, well, 0800DARLSATM, give us a call. Text in 9696. What foods do you wish would just come back? We're talking about the foods that have disappeared off the shelves,

whisked away from us unwillingly, that we want to bring back. The Spinoff has done an article on the fact that Paul Newman's dressings have just gone. Which we're hoping is just a shipping logistics thing. A COVID-ish or something like that. Yeah. But apparently it's been six months since they've had supply.

So we're talking about the foods that are gone that you want to come back. Jared, what's the food for you that you want back? Rocky Road chocolate. Oh, is that the Cadbury one? It was, yes. Oh, and then they stopped doing that? They did.

Controversial, though. I think that the, what is it, the Berry Forest Whittaker's is better. Nah, nah, nah. Oh, you know you're right. You've upset Jared. You've upset him. He doesn't like that. No, this was Bloody good actually

I remember this It had coconut Nuts Marshmallows And the lollies So it's slightly more Than like berry biscuit Or black forest

It's a bit different Than a black forest Isn't it I think they did that As like one of their Kind of like promo specials But not in their main range I'm so sorry Jared

Yeah sorry for your loss Thanks you cool Jared Grace What do you miss? Morning, guys. Morning. Morning, morning. It was this,

I think I've narrowed down the name to Crunchy Choc-Head and it was basically like a little packet of M&M's but it was like little clusters of like Crunchy Bar and they had like heaps of Cadbury chocolate on it

and sometimes you'd get like two that were stuck together. Yes. Do you mean like pods? They were kind of like, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. They were like very small like little rocks. Were they in like a yellow box? No, they were like

they were like a small packet of M&M's, you know, like next to the chocolate bars like at checkout or at a gas station. They were just like a small packet of M&M's, you know, like next to the chocolate bars like at checkout or at a gas station. They were just like a single packet, not like a big packet. Yeah. Are you misguided? Did you dream this? Did you dream this, Food?

That's what I thought because I've like searched the whole internet and I can only find one picture of what it looked like. And it was like back when I was like, it was probably 15 years ago. And I'd get them every time I went on a road trip with my family. Are they Chiquito Bites? No, no. Oh, no. If you Google crunchy Choc-It and there's one picture that's like NZ Pinterest. And it's these vintage ads. And is it the actual Cadbury Crunchy Bars,

but they're small? Yes. And they're like uneven little sizes, like little drops kind of almost. It sounds like they were the seconds on the conveyor belt. Are you going to say that? Why not? I love a crunchy. Amazing Grace, thanks for your call.

Just side note on the M&M's, Vorden, that's my request from you when you go to Disneyland in America. White M&M's? Next week, yeah, go to like a CVS or something like that. Yeah, get some white M&M's. They have the massive packs of M&M's. Nice. Because they used to do white M&M's here, and then they stopped.

And white Maltesers. But they don't exist. You're a white chocolate. Okay, so we've got some. Don't look at me like I'm just. We've got some Paul Newman Caesar salad dressing. White M&Ms. Yeah.

Morgan, what do you miss, food-wise? I miss Abe's bagel crisps. Oh, my God, they were so good. They were always, like, if you were heading over to a friend's house and you wanted to... Do they not make these anymore? ...bring something for a platter? No, they're a great addition to a platter as well.

Yes, yes, yes. Because they can hold a lot. You can, like, put a... Oh, unavailable. And they don't go too soft and, like, sloppy. Because I just Googled... Well, yes, yes. Because they can hold a lot. You can like put a... Oh, unavailable. And they don't go too soft and like floppy. Because I just Googled. Well, Steve didn't. I Googled. They came up on the Countdown website but it says unavailable.

Yeah, I think it was like last year I went out to get some. Couldn't find any. Like two weeks every supermarket I went to, weren't there. Had a Google. Couldn't even find them on like the Abe's website. I was like, what happened? God damn,

they'd rip your mouth apart though. They were hard. They were really crunchy. Yeah. It's like a dog toy. They keep you busy for five minutes each one. Amazing.

Morgan, thank you for your call. Let's go to Simon. What do you miss, Simon? Yeah, hi guys. It was a promotional Doritos. Do you remember the one, the Spider-Man ones?

What did they taste like? What flavour is Spider-Man? They were like a spicy flavour. They were chilli and like a, I don't know. Don't you hate it, eh, when a brand does a promotional thing and you're like, no, no, no, keep it on the main feed. I've just Googled Simon Countdown. There was a Doritos call ranch as well for a while and that was so good.

Producer Jared chimed in. He says, this call has unlocked a core memory for me. I loved these. Spidey spice? Are we talking like how old Tom Holland's Spider-Man or Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man? It was probably a few years ago now, I think. Jared, what was your experience of these Spider-Man or Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man? It was probably a few years ago now, I think. Jared, what was your experience of these Spider-Man Doritos?

Top notch. Top notch? Yeah, right. They had like a Cool Ranch version and a spicy version. Okay, so that's what I'm looking at. Spidey Spice and Cool Ranch. And it was with Tom Holland and Jake Gyllenhaal. You're going to need to bring me back some Cool Ranch Doritos as well.

Oh, yeah. But in a box. Simon, do you want to order anything from the United States while Vaughan's popping over? Well, not that I can go. M&M's. There you go.

We'll get you some M&M's as well. All right. The white chocolate ones. Good stuff. Thanks, Simon. Ask some messages in. Somebody messaged in saying you can still get those crunchy,

they're called crunchy nuggets. You really got to search them. Really? I remember, and they were like lumpy. Yeah, it looked like little nuggets of gold. Crunchy nuggets. Yeah, that was the idea of it. Because they remind me of, you know, when you can go,

you get like a scoop of ice cream. Gold Rush? Oh, yeah. Remember Gold Rush? And that had the nuggets, the crunchy nuggets. Yes. Crunchy nuggets. Someone said, I don't know if anyone else noticed this,

just before Newman's disappeared, their ranch dressing got extra tangy and almost fizzy. Most peculiar. That sounds like it's going off in a cool, warm warehouse. Yeah. Does anyone remember the spicy Italian sauce mix from Maggi in the 1990s? Yes. I missed that.

I didn't realise it had gone. What was spicy Italian sauce mix from Maggi? Was its. Yes. I missed that. I didn't realise it had gone. What was spicy Italian sauce mixed from Maggi? Was it in a sachet? Yeah. And you mixed it with what? I can't remember. I remember it well, though. I can't remember, but I remember it well.

Watch yourself around, Producer Jared. He says Maggie. Well, that's a South African thing, isn't it? Maggie. That's how they say it in South Africa. 100% Maggie. Tell Hayley how you say it. I say it the correct way. Maggie. No, it's not like Maggie Smith. It% Magi. Tell Hayley how you say it. I say it the correct way.

Maggie. No, it's not like Maggie Smith. It's Magi. We've been through this. Light cheese. People call them lychee's. South Africans will call lychee's lychee's. Yeah, I disagree with that one. Good.

Alright, next on the show an etiquette question. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Breaking news. It's not breaking. I've been sitting on this for a few hours. What?

Why didn't you tell us sooner? Why didn't you tell us immediately? Rihanna's had her baby. Yeah, why didn't you tell us sooner? I don't know. I just saw her and was like, that's nice. And then I just thought, I don't know if we'll mention it. I would have put that in the news instead of the budget.

Yeah, yeah. No one cares about that. No one cares about the budget anymore. Do we have a name? No, boy. Just boy. Any word on who cut the umbilla, billa, billa? Eh, eh, eh.

Who cut the umbilla? Cord, billa, cord, cord. Eh, eh, eh. Stop. Bella. Cord. Cord. Eh. Stop it. Stop it. Jesus Christ. All right. Let me see you cut that cord, cord, cord, cord, cord.

Let me see you cut the cord, cord, cord, cord, cord. An Australian man has, I guess, raised an etiquette question online. It's got people talking about when you go for a massage. So say you go for a 30 or a 60 minute massage. Yep. What do you mean? Don't dabble around with a 30. No, you've got to go.

I'm not getting naked for 30 minutes. You're in a pinch. Unless you're at a mall. You don't get naked. They always ask you to leave your underpants on. What? At a mall. They ask you to leave your underpants on. What? At a mall. They ask you to leave

your underpants on everywhere. Everywhere, everywhere. No, if I go into the mall. You said I'm not getting naked for 30 minutes. I said they don't like you getting naked. If I go into a mall

for a 30 minute, like neck and shoulder, I don't take my top off. Just sit in the front shop. Imagine. Just sitting in those little chairs in the front of the shop. Fanny's, Fanny's Massage or whatever it's called It's not Fanny's

Magic fingers Fanny's magic fingers Yeah what's the other one? There's another one Vans and something else The more ones Yeah Make you cry a bit

So yeah they really get in there So he's raised his etiquette question online Do you ever have a massage like I'm just leaving now And the first thing you do after they leave offering you a water or peppermint tea is grab your watch or your phone and see if they did the full 30 or 60 minutes? Because that's what I just did. And I've been robbed.

Massage etiquette 101. The time starts when it's skin on skin. Not when you walk into the room and they just repeat the answers you put on the iPad anyway. That's six minutes of that stupid questionnaire and you leaving the room for me to just get down to my duds and chuck a hot towel over myself. That doesn't count towards the time.

I'll spend more time than you did massaging me breaking down this moment in my head. Now, I've never been to a place that has an iPad with a questionnaire or even a questionnaire. Well, what's that about? The pre-massage question It might be like how hard do you want it? Any injuries we need to be aware of any ailments, medication

etc. But do you think the time should start then? No, no, no the time starts when they touch you Yeah, skin on skin There needs to be, if you're getting a 60-minute massage, there needs to be an hour and a half blocked out. Four and a half or an hour and 15. Well, an hour and 15, however you're going to do it.

But then you've got to, everything else has got to happen within that time. Yeah, right. I'd agree with that. I'd go an hour and a half for clean up. Not that I'm a particularly messy man to massage. I was like, what's the clean up? You know, if they do an oil massage and you've been laying on a sheet,

that's going to all need to change. Modern times, you're naked, it's very intimate, so that's going to need a spritz. What about if they go out of the room? You know when they go out of the room to get the hot towels, there's always a downtime of a minute. Yes, that's included, I reckon. Is that included?

No, like near the end they'll go out and get a hot towel. To wipe the oil off. Should they make up that time? I think the hot towel should be in the room. It should be, but it never is. But it can't be all the time. Sometimes the room's too small. Sometimes they've got to chuck them in the microwave in the kitchenette.

No, my massage etiquette would be the 60 minutes is hands-on body. Yeah. Oh, okay. 60 minutes of hands-on body. If they leave for a towel, a hot towel, that's made-up time-on body. Yeah. Oh, okay. 60 minutes of hands-on body. If they leave for a towel, a hot towel, that's made-up time at the end. Yeah. Do you guys ever check, though? No, I always fall asleep and forget.

Oh, yeah. The place I go has a little timer, I guess, for the masseuse, and they'll start it. When do they start it? Like, just before she touches me. Start, touch. Yeah, start, touch. Not start, get undressed, stain your undies, chuck before she touches me. Start, touch. Yeah, start, touch. Not start, get undressed, stain your undies, chuck that towel over you.

No, no, no, no, no. And then I, when I get up, you know, and you're sort of like, oh, what just happened? And they go and get you a cup of water. Then I sometimes see it and I'll be like, oh yeah, 61 minutes. Perfect. Oh, okay. Right on the dot.

Because you're not going to go back to a place that like robs you of five or ten minutes, are you? You just won't go back. They're not cheap things. They are a luxury. But would you rather have five minutes less and the massage is like on point or old rough old dry hands for the full 60? Oh, on point.

On point. Yeah. Have you ever been in a massage so bad? Because that's the key we think. I don't speak up. I've cried. I've cried for a full hour. Because it hurts so much. And they're like, is this all right? And you're like, eww. Loving it.

Yeah, it just was like all wrong and so sore. And it really worked on my like glutes. And I was like, get to the shoulders, man. Yeah. I was really working the glutes. They felt that the glutes was the tight area. Yeah, sure. At the end when really working the glutes. I felt that the glutes was the tight area. Yeah, sure. At the end when they sit me up,

they bend my arm and they start pushing me forward and they're like, relax, relax. I'm like, I am relaxed. Yeah, because I always think they're going to snap my neck

like in the movies. It is really funny if you go tight because the thigh massage, right, at the end they bend you around a little bit, they pull your arms back

and always, if you're a woman, Anna's laughing, they always wrap the towel around your breasts but it always falls down so then they're bending if you're a woman, Anna's laughing. They always wrap the towel around your breasts, but it always falls down. So then they're bending you and your baps are out and everywhere.

They start laughing. They've got you over your knee. It's terrible. It's the Final Rankings. Final Rankings. We do it every Friday. We rank all kinds of things, don't we? Typically food, I would say.

A lot of the time it's food. Mostly food. Today, it's cheeses. And we're going blocks of cheese. Not brie, camembert, pork saloo. Fancy cheeses. Are we just doing your standard cagey blocks? Yeah, so I was...

I thought we could... Could we not do camembert and brie? Because that's really hard. Okay, but then you're opening a vast universe of cheeses. I know. Then we've got to stick to your basic Bs of little cheese wheels. Okay, we'll just go. Your Brie's, your Camembert's, your Boo.

We'll just go main blocks. We'll go main blocks. Main blocks. Eat them. Halloumi? No, no, no, no, Halloumi. No, no, Halloumi is in the other category. It's in the bougie cheese thing.

I mean, but I say this, but $21 for a block of cheese is all cheese is bougie now. Halloumi. Yeah. All cheese is bougie now. So looking at a photo here, Edam, mild, tasty, Colby. Then you've got the smaller versions, like your mainland Egmont vintage. No, we're not doing those. No, no, no. So it's just Edam, mild, tasty,mont vintage. No, we're not doing that. No, no, no.

So it's just Edam, mild, tasty, Colby. Yeah, the main four. Edam. The fantastic four. Edam rules, eh? Edam. It's Edam. Edam rules.

What cheese is always made backwards? Edam. No, Edam. Yep. It's the word made backwards. Uh-huh. Little riddle for you. Wow.

A little new cheese. We've got the riddler in the studio. Give me this Batman. I was about to have a cracker. What cheese is always made backwards? Do you punish your kids with that every time in the supermarket? Absolutely. Can you imagine? Kids, kids, kids, kids.

Kids, kids, kids, kids. What's mild? Mild cheese. If you could compare EDAM to a mild, what's mild about it? I don't even touch that. I don't even. I know tasty. I don't even know.

I don't F with mild. Tasty to me is too tangy. What's Colby? I don't know. You see, we don't even know. We're at an unfair disadvantage, Colby. We're just stuck. We're just stuck in our ways.

Tasty's great for melting. Tasty's just great. Tasty's the best. Tasty's the best grated cheese. Tasty's the best cheese to just slice yourself off a bit of Tasty and eat it. That's why I like Edam because you can grate it and just have a plate of grated cheese. Yeah. And it's yum.

Edam's like best uncooked. Yeah. And I go Tasty for cooked. But we buy Tasty, but only because I've been bullied into it. Because Aaron was like, Edam? Yeah. I was like, we're an Edam family. I remember as a child, my nan bought Colby.

And my granddad said, I don't work this hard to eat Colby. It was only joking around. They'd roll each other up. But I always remember being like, wow, what do you work hard to eat, Grandad? And he was like, tasty cheese. It's too tang. From then, I've been tasty through and through. Yeah, same.

It's the best grated. It's the best sliced. It's best at anything. So am I kingmaker? You're going tasty. And Fletch, you're pushing edam. And I love both. I grew up in edam, but I am a tasty lady.

I'd say you'd have to go tasty then. Let's roll Vaughan on this. It's a good feeling. No, you just told her to go tasty. That would roll you. I'm sorry, roll EDAM. Don't roll me. I think I have to stick by what I purchase when I do my groceries.

I'm tasty. It's tasty. It's tasty on top. Come on, you rolled me. The most expensive. It's on top. But please know, in my soul, I am eating. You're an EDAM lady.

Someone said EDAM is low fat. Yeah, it's 25% lower fat. Dude, don't give me low fat when I'm eating cheese. It's not a diet food, is it? You know, like you're not eating cheese thinking, what are the calories? You're just going, I'm eating cheese. When you put a lot of cheese on stuff, like I put a lot of cheese on,

at least you know you're getting 25% less fat. No. And to be fair, 25% less flavour. No, I'm tasty. I'm tasty all the way. Okay. Now that I heard that, that it's a low-fat cheese, I'm like, wow.

Yeah, boo. Low-fat. I can eat all the fat. Yum. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Now, this is Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Now, this is something that I'm very vocal about. I love human touch.

I love to touch strangers, friends, partners, anything. I'll do a little hug and that's it. But if I can get away with a handshake, absolutely happy. Oh, no. It's not the same. But there's been a new study that has shown that women get so much more from cuddling than men do. Really? So, you know, I guess there's the typical image that women are the more touchy-feely gender, I suppose.

And that could be for this very reason. So they did this test and they took a bunch of people and found that the stress hormone cortisol, which is when you're like, stressy, anxious, nervous, stressed basically, came down in women significantly after a hug with their partner. Oh, wow. Like a nice, firm, a hug with their partner. Oh, wow. Like a nice, firm, familiar hug with their partner compared to women who didn't get a hug.

Their stress level stayed up. With men, there was absolutely no change regardless. So men like why they might physically enjoy a cuddle, it actually internally isn't doing much for them. Not for stress relief. So if there was an anxious, stressed gay couple embracing in a hug. A male-male.

A male-male. They would do nothing. Wasting their time. Wasting their, I mean it would feel good. It would feel nice. But it would just, it wouldn't do anything. It would connect you maybe emotionally with them but hormonally nothing is happening inside of you.

Whereas women who were stressed, who hugged their partners and then did really, really stressful things, their cortisol levels remained lower. Oh, wow. Because my situation, if Shade was stressing out, I'd be like, hey, hey, hey, hey,

come here, calm down. And you feel them go. And you hug. But then if I'm wound up, I wouldn't want to hug. No. I don't feel it would do anything. Yeah, no, it wouldn't do anything.

I need to solve the problem. Yeah. That would bring my. And do you feel sometimes a hug. No. I don't feel it would do anything. Yeah, no, it wouldn't do anything. I need to solve the problem. Yeah. That would bring my... And do you feel sometimes a hug is like, you're stopping my energy. This is not helping. Yeah. So, I mean, we've always known for ages

that the power of touch is very important for humans. Well, I know this because I'm the big, big spoo-spoo. You're the big, big spoo. I'm big, big spoo-spoo. You are famously the little spoo. No, I'm big, big spoo-spoo. I'm big spoon. Well, there's a thing calledoon. I'm Big Spoon.

Well, there's a thing called, and I've had this once. So when we touch skin to skin, we release the bonding hormone oxytocin, which feels nice. That's why, you know. No, isn't that the oxy epidemic in America? This is what everyone's looked on to. No, no, no, different, different. Different oxy. Okay.

So, you know, like as soon as you have a baby, they're like quickly get it on the skin. And then with the dad, they're like skin to skin time. Right. They're always trying to get the baby on the skin. That's for that bonding hormone to kick in. Right. So that you're instantly like, this one's mine and I will die for it.

Yep. If we are deprived of skin to skin touching, I love it so much. I'm even just rubbing myself. I just love touching my arms. Whoa. Maybe not. Touching my arms. I'm rubbing my arms.

Psychologists have coined the term skin hunger for when we are deprived of intimacy. And I had a moment like this when I moved to Auckland and Aaron stayed in Wellington. Yeah. And I mean, I don't hug his parents a lot. I was staying with them. And I think I was a little bit, I had skin hunger.

And then I went to get a massage like a few months later. And I remember I was lying on the table with my bare back and the woman like winked to touch me. And as soon as her fingers touched my back, my back went like, and like shot up. And I went all like, and I said, so sorry. I'm so sorry. I just haven't been touched for a while.

Oh, what a line. Yeah. I was like, oh God, I'm so sorry. I just haven't been touched for a while. And she just gave me a lovely rub. Anyway, so that's, this is probably why women feel like they constantly want to cuddle in moments of stress or sadness. Hug it out.

It's because it is actually genuinely doing something for us. Well, today's Friday Flashback, it's my Friday Flashback. And I changed last minute, didn't I? You've been on a journey. I've been on a journey this morning. I was going to play a song, but I've changed my mind because... Do you want to say what the song was? No, because I'm going to do it next time,

and I don't want you to bully me out of doing it. Okay. Because I think it's a banger. But the song I've chosen this week is a song from Rihanna because we've heard today that she has given birth to her baby. May 13, apparently, was the day it was born. TMZ have been out with this news today. Still no official name, but we know it's a baby boy with, as soon as possible, Rocky.

Yes. I believe it is his full title. That's how you pronounce it in full if you're saying it ASAP, Money Rocky. Yes. But, yeah, still no other details. The last time she was spotted was May 9 on Mother's Day weekend when she was looking very pregnant. I hope you know that if I ever get pregnant,

I'm going to rock that belly as hard as she did. She did. Every outfit was just full out. I loved it. The last time she was seen, she was showing all the belly. Such a good belly. Good belly. She's had her baby, and I've decided to play my favourite,

I think my favourite Rihanna song. Controversial. It's a song she did with Calvin Harris, a song that was number one on the Billboard charts for weeks. Only made it to number five here. Five? What year? 2011?

It was released in 2011. You are correct, Vaughan Smith. You know. Good boy. He remembers 2011 well. Yeah. Phenomenal year. Great vintage.

It's your Friday flashback. Rihanna, Calvin Harris, We Found Love. On to them. Thank you. I can't deny, but I try to let it go. We found love in a hopeless place. We found love in a hopeless place. We found love in a hopeless place. We found love in a hopeless place. And I'll hold the flame Shine a light through an open door Love and life I will defy

Gonna wait cause I need you more Feel the heartbeat in my mind I need you more. It's Rihanna, Calvin Harris, your Friday Flashback. We found love on ZM. She's had her baby. She's had her little baby. She's had her baby. Baby. David.

Beautiful baby. Still no word a baby David David Beautiful baby Still no word on the name Beautiful baby Maybe she'll just call it baby Baby That was a banger I forgot how much of a banger that was It's a great song

It won so many awards for the video I think it's a guy and it was hot V hot V hot Remember when Heroin Chic was like the only version of hot? Yeah. He nailed it. I want to go clubbing.

Should we go clubbing? No. Let's go clubbing. Somebody said that we should look up the cello cover of that. I'm good. They walked down the aisle to it. Well, that's a piano. Well, that's not a cello. It's a piano. She's getting ready aisle to it. Well, that's a piano. Well, that's not a cello.

It's a piano. She's getting ready to strum it. This is such a pet peeve of mine. Do you? What's a pet peeve? People who do, like, soft classical versions of, like, bangers. Get out. Speaking of weddings.

You've sucked the energy out of the room. Speaking of weddings. Speaking of weddings, there've sucked the energy out of the room. Speaking of weddings. Speaking of weddings, there is a couple, a beautiful couple. What's happened? That's what we call. Mate, that was a 10 out of 10 segue. It was a 10 out of 10 radio segue. For some reason, I thought a puppy was coming in the room.

You were so excited. To be honest, I. You wanted to leave it. I wanted to leave it. It was volleyball. It was volleyball. I did so excited. To be honest, I, you, you wanted to leave it. I wanted to leave it. Volleyball. It was volleyball. I did this thing. I spiked.

And I hit it over the net. We're a couple of hot. If we hadn't drawn attention to it, the listener would, it would have been perfect. We've shown it now. We never have known. So was,

you've stuffed it. Somebody said I walked down the aisle. Now I know we're about to talk about themed weddings. Teach that at radio school. And so I, I spiked it. Smith said I walked down the aisle. Now I know we're about to talk about themed weddings. Teach that at radio school. And so I spiked it. Smith from the back spikes it high. Fletch. Slam.

Speaking of weddings. Game, set, match. Speaking of weddings. Gold medal beach volleyball. A flawless, smooth segue from the boys. Speaking of weddings, there has been a wedding in Amersham in the UK. I don't know where it is. I don't think it is this arc sample.

That's very northern. They met on Tinder in 2015. They bonded over their shared interests in horror films and the TV show Peaky Blinders. They love all things gothic. They consider themselves both goths. Wow. Goths. Where's Sida goth in 2022?

Oh, I know. I was a goth. Loved it. The Peaky Blinders fashion is a big thing at the moment, isn't it? Real gothy. They think, you know, your top button shirts, your suspenders. Cheese cutter hats. Cheese cutter hats.

Yeah. Well, you've got his wedding outfit down to a tee. Oh, wow. He's basically Peaky Blinders. He, you've got his wedding outfit down to a T. Oh, wow. He's basically Peaky Blinders. He's a Peaky Blinder. So when they- He's Toby Shelby. I usually do it.

Mine was a bit piratey. When they decided to get married, they knew that their wedding wouldn't be glittery, white. Traditional. Traditional. That they wanted to have their wedding goth-themed from head to toe. And they look incredible. So she has this bright red hair.

She's wearing a lacy black dress similar to something I wore when I was 13 to Mufti Day to really let people know that I was different. Yeah. He is wearing full Peaky Blinders gear. They walk down the aisle to Fall Out Boy's Heaven's Gate. A song that I don't know that well. I can find that. Even the mere fact that they walked

down to Fallout Boy. Was that a seamless mention of the company's Ant Vaughan? Yeah, but the thing with things being seamless is they don't have seams.

But when you come in with your needle and thread and tell us what's happened, you create what is a seam. Yeah. I'll give you that. Was the song cool? But it was an incredible seamless tell us what's happened. You create what is a seam. Yeah. I'll give you that.

Was the song cool? It was an incredible seamless mention. It's cool. It was beautiful to watch. Because if you want to listen to the show, excuse me, if I can just say, if you want to listen to the show

or ZM anywhere on your device, the iHeartRadio app is perfect. I believe the tagline for iHeartRadio is wherever you are, we will find you So this is Fall Out Boy, is it? Yep

I want to cry a little bit It doesn't have an E beside it So I'm assuming we don't need to keep an ear out for any swearies Oh, we've got to imagine this song being like I wanna... This is what they walked down the aisle to They had fake skulls As part of their decor, floating candles.

I love a themed wedding. Now, I married a woman who wouldn't have it. Her themed wedding was nice. Her theme was class. If you had your way, you'd be walking down the aisle of the Millennium Falcon. But you see Disney weddings all the time. Disney weddings, Star Wars weddings, fandom weddings, Lord of the Rings weddings

were massive at one stage. Well, you would have probably taken over Hobbiton for the day and got married there. I would love to get married at Hobbiton. Hey, because it's a beautiful place. Wonderful wedding photos, but yeah, definitely. Oh, look, their wedding cake is like Chucky and, you know, like bobblehead kind of things.

Yeah. Amazing. So this is what we want to hear. We want to hear if you had or you have maybe attended a themed wedding. And what was the theme? What was the theme? How hard did they go? Yeah.

I mean, maybe it wouldn't have been your thing, but it was their thing. I would love, I think the only themed wedding I've been to, the theme was camp. And I tell you what. Like school camp? to, the theme was camp. And I tell you what, the guests. No, no, like camp, like glitter. Oh, okay. It was a same-sex marriage, of course. And it was just there. It was glitter everywhere.

And everyone's, the dress code was camp. And so the outfits were like outrageous. Was it just like Rocky Horror Picture Show or something? Yeah, basically. There were nipples everywhere and a lot of tulle. Okay, well, 0800DARLS.M. We'd love to take your calls now. 9696, text in.

What was your themed wedding? Yeah, or have you been to a themed wedding? Yeah. Harry Styles on ZM. His new album, Harry's House, is out today. You can stream it, and we've got a chance for you to win at ZM Online. Just confess your love for Harry Styles which isn't a hard thing to do.

It's really not. It's really not. You chance to win $1,000 to buy stuff for your house. Have you seen the trailer for the Olivia Wilde film that he's in? Yes.

It looks wild. Crazy. It looks crazy. It looks so good. It reminds me of Stepford Wives. You know, they're in a world

and they're all just losing their minds. Your chance to do that. ZM Online, also out for Graves era, Harry's House Vinyl. Should be great in the collection. We want to know about your themed weddings that you've either attended or thrown. A couple in the UK had a goth themed wedding fit with red hair, black wedding dress, skulls everywhere, Peaky Blinders vibes. Very cool. Very mixed theme though.

Yeah, gothy Peaky Blinder. Kerry, good morning. What was the wedding you went to? Or was it yours? Good morning. It was my wedding and we had it in Arrowtown and it was a gold rush theme, 1860. That's cool.

What's that place when you drive out of Queenstown and you can stop and it's where all the old huts are by the river? Yeah, that's exactly where it was. That's where it was? Yeah, that's Arrowtown. Yes. Cool. Did you have a particular connection to Arrowtown in that era before, or did you just think that that would be a cool idea?

Yeah, my husband at the time, his family had a holiday home there. Oh, okay. Yeah, so we decided, yeah, let's get married in Arrowtown, and we thought, hey, yeah, let's go with the theme, let's do it. What are you dressed like for a gold rush here? I'm kind of thinking the same situation as, like, 1800s America, cowboys, but no cowboys. Yeah, no cowboys, but

the boys were dressed as a gentleman of the time, so they had the walking sticks and the pocket watches and the top hats. Posh, posh. The people that own the rail line sort of posh. They did, and they all grew sideburns for it.

Due to forearm putting, did you just slop on some tip-top gold rush? Yeah. That would have been a good idea. Very close. We did have my father made a treasure chest and we had the gold, the crunchy bars in it from the...

I love that. What did you wear? I went to the local fancy dress shop and hired a dress for $50. Oh, wow. That's awesome. I don't know what you'd call it, just a purple dress. I like that.

It would have been cheaper than a traditional wedding as well, wouldn't it? Well, the dress was, the rest wasn't, but we had a great party. Ah, we don't talk about that. Kerry, thank you for your call. Joel, what was your themed wedding? Wasn't mine, was a friend. Yeah. And they did high-class pirates.

Oh, okay. What's a fancy pirate? So the groom was in like kind of like a leather waistcoat kind of thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. With, you know, white puffy sleeves. Ruffles. Yeah, yeah, ruffles.

Yeah, right. Yeah, on the chest there. Yeah, the groom had a pirate hat on. The bride looked absolutely stunning in like this bright purple one with this huge petticoat underneath. Like a winch, a pirate winch. Sounds like the staff at Marbles Buffet Restaurant

used to dress as pirates back in the day in New Plymouth. Yeah, we used to go every birthday, family birthdays. Right. Tell you what, they looked the part. Did the guests have to dress as high-class pirates? Yeah, everyone had kind of a renaissance kind of vibe going on. But all of the groom and the groomsmen had pirate-like actual swords and everything.

Oh my God. Any parrots? Any parrots on the shoulder? There wasn't a parrot on the shoulder. No parrot on the shoulder. I mean, it was hard to rank them. Sometimes they had a monkey. Sometimes they did have a monkey.

There was a guy there who was an amputee and so he legitimately got a stick. Thank you. That's all I want to hear. Yes, Meg! I mean, yes. That's all I want to hear. Amazing, Joel. Thank you. Mary, whose wedding was this, and what was the theme?

Hi. We had a Star Wars wedding on May the 4th. Star Wars, May the 4th. Oh, you've got Lorne's attention. Let's talk, let's talk. Was this your wedding, or you went to one? No, it was my wedding. Oh. So what did you, who, did you dress up as a Star Wars character

or just the general theme was Star Wars? Well, I was Princess Leia. My husband was Han Solo. Oh, of course. Was the best man Chewbacca? Yes, he was. Oh! Can we please say goodbye to him?

Yes. What did Darth Vader do? Did your dad give you away and he was Darth Vader? Well, we had an ex-Darth Vader give me away, yeah. Oh, my God. Was that the celebrant? Who was the celebrant? Did they have to dress up?

Yeah, she was the mother. Right. Oh, right. Which layer did you go with? Are we talking white or are we talking the bikini? The sexy, jump-of-umbo the Hut slave bikini. No, the white. Okay.

Traditional. I'm shredding for the wedding, guys. Did this get any attention? Because that's quite out there. Yeah, it did. It made it to TV1 and TV3 News. Wow.

Oh, God. So fun. What a fun way to spend the day. And of course, it was followed up by a cease and desist from Disney. We went to Star Wars Celebration in a high for our honeymoon been the day. And of course it was followed up by a cease and desist from Disney. We had a we went to Star Wars

celebration in a high for our honeymoon just before the wedding. Oh my god. I'm going to that next week. No. Touch wood, fingers crossed. COVID pending. COVID gods pending. Mary, thanks for your call. Thanks for sharing some messages in to finish. So fun. We asked on Instagram if people had ever been to

a themed wedding. Shout out to everybody that replied, no I haven't. Cool. We asked on Instagram if people had ever been to a themed wedding. Shout out to everybody that replied, no I haven't. Cool. We always appreciate your feedback. Thanks for drowning the inbox and making our life harder. Yeah, Shell said an all white wedding. Everything was white. Oh no. You can't have condiments or red wine.

No. Imagine if they did that as the gag, like the catering was just hot dogs and red wine. Or at the end of the wedding night, it's a colour run. Yes! Oh, my God, the powders! Boof. You'd have to tell your guests, though,

because if they're wearing like a $500 white dress and then you're throwing powder on it. Who comes out on a wash? I suppose so. My friends had a pirate-themed wedding. There's another one, another pirate-themed wedding. We had an art deco-themed wedding. I'm guessing I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say they're from Napier. Yeah. My friends had a pirate-themed wedding. There's another one, another pirate-themed wedding. We had an art deco-themed wedding.

I'm guessing I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say they're from Napier. Yeah. Why do all the buildings look the same? Well, because it's from the era. What? What era? The art deco era. Yeah, but why are they all the same?

I don't know. Because they got rebuilt after a huge earthquake? What? Yes. This is a joke. It's a gag you have with Napier taxi drivers. Why does everything look the same? And you plead absolute ignorance to the history of the area.

Someone said we had a life sentence themed wedding. The celebrant was dressed as a judge. The husband wore an orange jumpsuit and there was jail props. Wow. Really? What was the catering?

Just slopped on a tray? That would actually be quite funny. Tray slop. My dad's having a Peaky Blinders themed wedding. Full Peaky Blinders themed. It's in vogue at the moment. Someone said pine cone. I think they may have replied to the moment. It is. Someone said pinecone. I think they may have replied to the wrong thing.

No. I mean, we never know. They could have had a pinecone themed wedding. Some more Star Wars themed weddings. What would pinecone be in response to? If you think that they've replied to the wrong thing. It's probably a radio session is doing a competition. We always get this.

People text in the wrong thing. What's your dog's name? Pinecone. Yeah, yeah, this. People text in the wrong thing. What's your dog's name? Pine Cone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Either that or one of those. Like the Coast is doing that competition where you win a bag of Pine Cones because it's a great start to fire.

Because we've got a cold snap coming. Cold snap coming. Sounds right up their alley. Coast listeners are very reluctant to move to a heat pump. I'm not paying all that money. I'm not paying for a heat pump install. We've got trees that are falling down all the time. Clay.

Sid Eames, Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's Fact of the Day, as promised, ladies and gentlemen, yesterday if you were listening to the show and you got Fact of the Day, I dazzled you, teased you, tempted you, and now I will reward you with a fact about steam locomotives. Baited and hooked. Here you are.

Hook, line and sink it, baby. So how much water does a steam engine use? Because this, I don't know what got me thinking about steam engines. Fascinated by them. Oh, I was watching. Harry Potter. Was it Harry Potter when you were watching Harry Potter? No, no, no.

I was watching one of those restoration videos that I love. Where someone finds something old and rusty and restores it. They didn't do a whole steam locomotive. They did like a toy steam locomotive. Oh, yeah. Where you filled it with water and then lit a little kerosene lantern underneath and then it would chug around this track.

It was real cool. You know when one's like, I've been so busy. Is this what he's doing? This is what I watch. I watched three of these yesterday when Sade was watching the Kardashians episode. Everyone's like, I'm being so busy. Is this what he's doing? Is this what he does? This is what I watch. Yeah. I watched three of these yesterday when Sade was watching the Kardashians episode. Oh, you're right. Full top to bottom restoration of some rusty old thing someone had found. Okay.

You two are different, aren't you? We're very. You two found love. We're chalk and cheese. And I'm cheese because I eat a lot of cheese. You are cheese. You're 84% cheese. I believe so.

Yeah, but I'm also chalk. But you're worth a lot of money then. I'm also chalk because I'm very white and a little bit powdery. Yeah. And I get all over your clothes. You're not 84% cheese? I believe so. But I'm also chalk. Well, you're worth a lot of money then. I'm also chalk because I'm very white and a little bit powdery. Yeah. And I get all over your clothes. You get flaky. You get flaky. Flaky. I'm flaky. I'm flaky. So I was like, how

you always hear about the coal, don't you? You always see if there's ever a steam train thing, everyone's shoveling coal. Yeah. Like crazy to keep the fires burning, to keep it hot. But you don't think about the water because of course you can't make steam without water. So they make a fire and they pump water in. So the water expands and it has to go somewhere

and it pumps through this little thing like... And it releases on the back and it goes back and forth and then they work. And that's how power is the same train. But it needs steam and to make steam you need a lot of water. I got a little confused there. With the fire that is heating the water, what's the fire being stoked with? Coal.

So it's still coal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, coal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And steam trains. For some reason, I was like, are steam trains different to coal trains? No, no, no. Could you put your old circulars in there?

Your junk mail? It wouldn't burn hot enough. What about your plastic? General household plastics? It's burning so hot. Like I chuck in my fireplace. Dare I say you might. I don't, I don't, I don't.

You might be able to burn a plastic. It's burning, it's burning hot. This thing's got to be burning super hot. So I was like, I had so many questions

about the water, something I'd never consider with a steam engine. So I've done some calculations. And this is today's fact of the day. Today's fact of the day is you would need to get a steam locomotive

from Auckland to Wellington just by itself, not towing anything. Yeah. Just to get there. You would need 58,000 litres of water. We just don't have it. We can't spare it. Yeah. Well, you've got it.

It doesn't need to be clean It can't be like It can't be real dirty But it can't be Can it be ocean water Salty Salt will begin to rust Maybe you don't want

A little baby octopus in you We certainly don't It might smell nice Maybe Get a little calamari scent Yes Hello So you need 58,000 litres of water

To get from Auckland to Wellington Down the main trunk line Because you need 135 litres of water to get from Auckland to Wellington down the main trunk line. Because you need 135 litres of water per mile. Wow. How did they carry all of that water? I'm glad you asked. I'm glad you asked.

Early trains, you may... Look at Georgia's face. She's had enough of your chat. She's into this. You're into 1883 We're all about the westerns At the moment Me and Georgia We talk a lot about western TV

Shows and movies Okay So you may be familiar With they used to have Those massive tanks On legs Beside the train Yep

And they'd stop And they'd pull a thing And it would fill it up With water Yep But that meant You had to stop All the time yeah

You had to stop all the time Yeah And so they invented a thing called a tender which just sits behind the train. Yeah. The locomotive. It's full of water. Yeah. So it can hold more water now but it still needs to stop. Yeah.

Until some clever Tom, Dick or Harry invented a water trough that sits beside the train lines. Yeah. So the locomotive's like, and then there'll be a little sign saying water trough or trough.

Yeah. And the fireman who is in charge of stoking the fire and keeping the fire at the right thing, lowers this funnel that when you get over the water trough, which is really long, quite thin and full of water beside the train tracks, he dunks it in. The force of the train's going forces water up the pipe into the tender. You're not stopping. They're not stopping for water anymore, baby.

I don't think you're going like that through the water. It's chugging in. Yeah, it's chugging in. You're pushing through with such power, it's pushing it up and into the tank, so you don't need to stop for water anymore. Fascinating. That feels too modern a thought process

to be able to have done that back then. It's so clever. I love this. Right now in Mercer, if you're driving between Auckland and Hamilton, heading south on the left, heading north on the right, there's two steam locomotives parked up outside that place that makes plastic houses. Every time I drive. That place always annoys me.

No, who's buying a plastic house? I want to buy a plastic house often. No one's buying a plastic house. I want to buy a plastic house. I'm so bad. No one's buying a plastic house. I want to buy a plastic house. We don't need it. Who is buying their pods? Their plastic pods? It's a mysterious business.

Text us if you live in a plastic pod. Text us if you know anyone that's bought a plastic pod from those people. But they've got two steam locomotives parked up outside. And I need to see them restored. Yeah, right. I want to see them running again. I love them. I love steam. I know you do. I want to see them running again. I love them. I love steam locomotives.

I know you do. I like trains, but steam locomotives are just a different deal to me. What a fantastic piece of engineering. So today's fact of the day is to get a steam locomotive from Auckland to Wellington, you'd need 58,000 litres of water. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Don't get fleshed out in here. Don't get fleshed out in here. Don't get fleshed out in here. Well, yesterday I saw the news.

I'll say from the outset, I'm not on board with this Get Started. What do you mean you're not on board with this? I'm on board. Let's rap. You agree with me on this. Absolutely. Because we were talking about this this morning. Did you say let's rap?

Let's rap. Oh, rap. Now, I love Taylor Swift. We all love Taylor Swift. Oh, my God, yeah. But yesterday, I saw the news that she has been awarded an honorary degree from New York University. So she will be doctor. She can book a flight now.

Yeah, a doctorate degree. Like a PhD. Yeah, she can be like, well, not that she'd either, she'd probably have a private jet, right? But she would be able to book a flight and the pull-down menu, say doctor. Absolutely. Dr. Taylor Swift. Though, did you know you don't have to go to university for eight years

to select doctor? You just select it. So on my flybys, I'm Dr. Hayley Sproul. Yeah, me too. But are you worried that one day you'll be on a flight, someone will go into cardiac arrest? No, because I will save their life. I will perform whatever procedure needs to be performed.

Right. But they've choked on something. They need a tracheotomy. I'd be like... Yep. I've got an honorary doctorate. Don't you hollow out a pin? Watching Grey's Anatomy.

Shove it in the air. Someone pull up Grey's Anatomy on the... Everybody off! They're playing Wi-Fi! Well, Taylor Swift received an honorary doctorate of fine arts from the university. She spoke to the crowd. It's a lovely speech. I love the speeches from celebrities.

This is what annoys me about celebrities. They all get these honorary doctorates. I know. And they do nothing. I know. Apart from having these successful careers, which is enough. They get millions of dollars. They make money.

Yeah, you don't need a PhD for that. And they don't spend eight years, hundreds of thousands of dollars. That is what would annoy, like if I had a PhD. Don't you? How embarrassing for you. I know, how embarrassing for you. I've been wondering how to cut this loser loose. Oh my God, he's really dragging us back.

Dr. Smith. How many years is a doctorate? So you do your uni degree and then you do your master's? You can do a master's and then you do your doctorate, but it can take like eight years. Six to eight years. From woe to God. And then some celeb just swans in

here and they're like, you're famous, you're giving a graduation speech, here's a certificate. It's an honorary doctorate, it's an honorary doctorate. It's not a doctorate. Yeah, but they've done nothing. It's not a work hard doctorate. I know, but that's what honorary means.

Why do it? Just get them to give them a motivational speech and then tell them to get out of here. A PhD in the fine arts. Like, what's the end result? That's what she got it for, right? Fine arts. That's what she said.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the end result for someone who's got a PhD in Fine Arts? Do they want to sell 8 million copies of their album worldwide? I will admit I'm not clear on PhDs in the arts sector. Yeah. It's different than if someone was a PhD in microbiological science.

Yeah, because you do your own research and stuff. So other celebrities with honorary degrees, Michelle Obama has three. Honorary degrees or honorary PhDs? Honorary doctorates. Aretha Franklin has an honorary degree. Bill Cosby had a few.

I believe his head is revived. Ben Affleck. What's his for? It doesn't say. It'll be a theatre and arts or something. I'm all for it because one day I hope that I do something. If you're lucky, you might get an honorary welding certificate. I want the welding certificate.

You can't give out an honorary welding certificate because then you can't do it. That's a skill. Yeah, but then so is everything else. You can't argue that her skill of running pop music. I'm sorry, you're saying the arts isn't a skill? Wow. Wow.

Wow. It's not a tangible skill. We're so sorry to all the artists such as myself who have a degree in the arts. Somebody sold an invisible sculpture for $85,000 last week, and it was a taped-out piece of ground that someone said, now don't walk there, there's an invisible sculpture. Gorgeous. Some moron bought that for $85,000.

I'd love to see it in my entrance. It's too subjective. Welding is very, you're good at it or you're bad at it. Also with honorary degrees, Meryl Streep, Alexander Starsgard, P. Diddy,

J.K. Rowling, Hillary Clinton. Kanye's got one, Justin Timberlake. Oprah, of course, has many. Oh, yes, she does. I would 100% take. Oh, Kylie Minogue.

Get a grip. What's hers for? Doing the locomotion. Despite her doctorate. It doesn't say in this article I've opened up here. She did have to wear that silly hat. God, the PhD hats are very silly, aren't they? They're extra silly, aren't they?

It's like when you go, it's like you're a wizard. Yeah, because it is. It's a step up from the ordinary graduating hat. God, imagine working that hard, spending all that money, doing all that research, and then they pop that silly hat on you. Oh, I thought you were going to say, and then they give the same thing to Justin Bieber.

That too. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fletchvorn and Hayley's Trade Secrets. Well this is Trade Secrets where we talk to someone in an interesting trade or industry and ask them questions that we and our listeners want to know. And today we are joined by an escort, Millie. Welcome to the show. Hi.

Hi, thank you so much for joining us. Now, you are an escort, is that right? I'm an escort manager. An escort manager. What does that entail? So, basically, I handle the phones and make the bookings for my girls. Okay, right.

But you don't work as an escort yourself? No, I do a bit of online indoor gardening, but I'm mainly just working with my girls. Can you tell, because I don't know, and excuse my ignorance, the difference between an escort and a sex worker? There really isn't. There isn't? It's the same thing? It's the same thing, full service And is the work that your girls do Is it always of a sexual nature Or is it sometimes like companionship?

Honestly, yeah, it's companionship I had a client come in one time And see my girl for two hours And it was roughly like $700 And he just watched anime with her the entire time What anime did he watch? I'll do that for $700 I know, a bit crazy, but you know Wow anime with her the entire time. What anime did he watch? I'll do that for $700.

I know, a bit crazy, but you know. Wow. Like when we talked to, a few weeks ago, we talked to the Sugar Babies and they were saying like a lot of the time it wasn't even sexual. They just wanted someone around to be friends or go to dinner. Yeah, a lot of these men are just lonely. Do you deal

like exclusively with men searching for female escorts? Yeah. I mean, my girls are all open to see females, but it's very rare. It's very, very rare. Yeah. And with that, I mean, what's the security involved when an escort heads into an environment on their own, how do they keep safe? I am also security. Oh, you're security as well. And what does that entail? Like, how do you look after the gals?

So sometimes we get clients come in and they may have been a bit too pushy with the girl. Like, everything is on her ground. So if she's not comfortable with something, then, like, it doesn't happen and they can get kicked out instantly. So they just come out. Yeah, and they just come out and get me and then I'd go in and be like, all right, you need to go.

And I handle all of that. And I just, you know, I've seen a couple of things I didn't want to see, but you know, we deal with what we have to do. I just keep my girls safe, you know? Yeah. Is there a typical clientele? Like, is it like you'd say it's all just old men, but it wouldn't be sometimes? No, God no.

It's not all men. We get many clients who are in their early 20s. Wow, okay. Interesting. How did you find your way into this industry? So, a couple of my friends I used to live with, they got, like, a message on Instagram from someone being like, hey, you want to make, like, a grand everyday type vibe um that was a lie yeah okay uh-huh um and then they went and then I was like oh you know like I'll give it a try and it didn't go well for me I didn't even

get through my first booking so I then was like hey you ever need a manager I'm kind of good with like blurting over text and they were like yeah and then I've been doing it for over a year but that company shut down so now I just do it exclusively with like blurting over text. And they were like, yeah. And then I've been doing it for over a year, but that company shut down. So now I just do it exclusively with like some of my really good friends. Do you get many like unusual requests across your desk? Oh my God. Any you can share with us for our trade secrets? Absolutely. God, it really rages from like poop stuff.

We get like a couple of like threesome requests and they're like some really outlandish kind of requests and they're always a bit shy to share, but I'm like, hey, this is safe, like between you and I it's not going to go anywhere else. What do you want? We'll see if we can help you out. Right, so if you

get a strange request like that, like something a little bit unique, do you then kind of pitch it to your team and see who's up for it? Absolutely. They don't do anything they don't want to do. It's entirely up to them. Everything is set by them. If anything,

I work for them. It's nice to have a bit of, like, someone you can come out and be like, oh my god, this is what happened in my booking, and I opened his phone and his wife and kid were on the home screen. No! Things like that. That happens so often. The girls just feel terrible, because you can't

help it, you know? What a fascinating look into what it is that you do. Thank you so much for sharing with us. I love what I do. Thank you so much.