ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 21st January 2022

Episode Date: January 20, 2022

Top 6: Teens in OzWordle  230 Flights  Silly Little Poll: Party Pooping  Hayleys Version  Becoming your Parents  Impossible Phoner!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletchvorn and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe, try their refreshing McCafe iced coffee, available now at Macca's. Soon, before the end of the month I'm told, my new car arrives. After years, like a decade of owning the Honda.

Oh, yeah. I think we bought, yeah, well, Indy's going to be 10, and I think we bought the Honda just before Indy was born. It's an unexpected vehicle for you. I think when I met you and I first saw it, I went, huh. Interesting. Interesting car. Poor.

I've never cared much for cars. You're not a sedan man. What do you think I am, a ute man? Maybe a hatchback or a four-wheel drive SUV? Right, not a sedan. I'm a sedan man. A truck? I love a sedan.

That Honda has really done the distance to me. It has. I mean, it's falling to bits. He ran over the log and the light fell out. Yeah. I scraped the undercarriage off. They took that all off at my local mechanics last time because I went in and I said,

look, here's the deal, guys. I need the minimum amount of money spent on this car because it only needs to get this last warrant of fitness. And then you're done with it. Yeah. So the new Jimny arrived soon, which is going to be super fun. Very cute. I keep seeing them around.

It's mostly North Shore girls that drive them. It's a very sort of Ponsonby lady car. It's a very wide spectrum of people because a lot of guys who like four-wheel drives. But you're very white. Not a racial spectrum. I only really see white people driving them. But old dudes who want to have a four-wheel drive

but don't want to spend much money on them do amazing things in them. That's your category. That's my category. Old dudes who don't want to spend money but still want a truck. They are for a new car. They're quite cheap, aren't they? Yes. Yeah, under $30,000.

Right. And you've got a cute little four-wheel drive. Is it a four-wheel drive? Yes, it is a four-wheel drive. But it needs a name. Oh, okay. Yeah. I mean, Jiminy Cricket is the obvious one.

Jiminy Cricket's the most obvious one. And if it was a green one, I'd consider it. But mine's black. Mine's all black. What about Jiminy Eat World? Jiminy Eat World. It's got to be a name, though. I was thinking Jiminy Barnes after Australian rock legend Jiminy Barnes.

I like that one. It's all in black. Jiminy. Jiminy Carey? Jiminy Carey. I like Jim Carey. He's definitely a Jim, not a Jiminy. Yeah, yeah.

Not a Jim. Jiminy. Jiminy. Famous Jimmys. There's not a Google famous Jimmys. Jiminy Kimmel? Jiminy Jiminy. Yeah, yeah. Not a Jim, Jimmy. Famous Jimmies. There's not a Google famous Jimmies. Jimny Kimmel. Jimny Kimmel. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Jimny Kimmel. That could work. What about Jim Jiminy Jim Jiminy Jim Jim Cherie? Cherie. Yes. That's it. That's done.

That'll be easy to print out on a little sticker and stick on it too. What's the name of your car? Jim Jiminy Jim Jiminy Jim Jiminy. Jim Jiminy Jim Jiminy. Does it need a name? You don't name your cars. No, it's a character car. Character cars need names.

Because my Land Rover's named after my grandad. It's just called Ted because that was his name. That's nice. Mine's just Maz. The Honda's never. Because you love a Maz. Because I love a Maz in the Maz. A Maz in the Maz.

Pre-work, mate. A pre-work Maz in the Maz. Very warm down in that garage. I'm always early. Sometimes a little fumey. I hope you're doing it with the windows up. Oh, windows down. You could pass out and they'll literally find you with your hand down your pants

having a Maz in the Maz. God, what a way to start my radio career. Yeah. It'll be a column in the paper. We can't say names, but one new radio announcer was found masturbating in her car But passed out due to the fumes of a poorly Fum- Uh, poorly

Ventilated Ventilated Radio garage Mmm Yeah That's my secret for the day Thanks, Ash Good morning.

Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Happy Friday. Good morning. We made it. We did make it. Speak for yourselves. It's a crawl to the finish for Vaughan.

I don't know if I'd call this a presence in any form, physical or mental. Well, you're physically here. I got the dry, burny eyes. You do have dry eyes. Why do you have dry eyes? I'm a cron eyes. I've got to go home. And I think you should also

have a dry eye for two weeks. Is that a new side effect, is it? Yeah, sore eyes. It was in the news the other day. Sore eyeballs. Oh. But then when I've had the flu, I've had it once.

Because you know how when you've got a bad cold, you're like, I've got the flu. I've got the flu, yeah. But how when you've got a bad cold, you're like, I've got the flu. I've got the flu, yeah. But then when you've got the flu and you're like, I might die. It drops you. Yeah, and everything aches. Like, I can literally remember my eyeballs having their own pulse. So surely maybe it's just because Omicron's not smashing everybody else

in every other area of their body. They're just a little bit more aware of the sandpaper eyeballs situation. Well, maybe get yourself some eye drops. Yeah, but I always feel like when you buy eye drops, people just assume that you're a stoner. And you're like, no, no, no, I work early mornings. Yeah. And they're like, okay, cheech.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. All right, coming up on the show this morning again, more chances for you to win free fuel. We'll do that at 7 o'clock and 8 o'clock. Flashback Friday today, who's going to kick the year off with a banger? I don't know. Do you want to start, Hayley?

Yeah, I think I'll start. I've got some ideas. Okay. How heavy can we go? Because my flashback was pretty gothic. Okay, well, 8 o'clock, it's got to be at least 10 years old and a banger. How heavy can we go? Because my flashback was pretty gothic. Okay, well, 8 o'clock, it's got to be at least 10 years old and a banger. Not a problem.

The top six on the way. Yeah, the Australian Prime Minister, as their nation wrestles with Omicron smashing their availability for the workforce, like supermarkets not getting their shelves stocked. Yeah. Transport agencies not being able to, you know, logistically get things to shops. Is everybody's home sick? Yeah. He said, can't teenagers drive forklifts? Have you guys ever watched like forklift fail videos?

Oh my God, they're my favourite. So good. When the whole warehouse comes crashing down. Yeah. Oh, I love it. You have to get a licence to drive a four-wheel. And you have to redo it every year. Really?

Every year or every two years. It's like very often you have to reset your four-wheel license. And it's a whole day. Oh, I wouldn't trust myself to get a pallet off the top shelf. Oh, no, neither. I'd back myself. Yeah, you would. But I'm also full of white male arrogance.

I'd back you. I believe I can do anything. Fletch, you not so much. Thank you, thank you. You'd be getting my bottom pellets. You'd be getting the top. I reckon you'd be jerky. I reckon you'd be a bit jerky.

Yeah. And it's all smooth. I'd be ripshitting and busting like... Yeah. Straight in. Yeah. Yeah. I reckon you'd break a bit hard and it would just slide off the forks.

Oh, yeah. One of those drivers. Oh, and the brake. Oh, and the brake. I'm not sure. Now I want to have a go at a forklift. Me too. But I mean, the Prime Minister of Australia is like, oh, just get some 13-year-olds on

a forklift. Yeah, sure. What could go wrong? Yeah, sure. And the top six other jobs that teenagers could probably have a whack at. Just to help out Australia during this crisis.

Next on the show, it's the game everybody's talking about at the moment. Yeah, I'm two guesses in to my six guest options. Wordle. Wordle. Wordle, Wordle, Wordle.

Well, that's caused some controversy. I've actually got a Wordle fact of the day. It's a Wordle-themed show. Yeah, but a Wordle chat for that on the show. All right, well, the controversy next. Is it Em?

Yes. Play. Sid Em's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I'm just looking at my Wordle. Oh, for God's sake. Today's the first day I've taken to a notepad. Oh, my God. To try to, like... I like that it's the first day I've taken to a notepad. Oh, my God. To try to like...

I like that it's meant that you're not doing the crossword or the word find in the puzzle, in the paper. In the paper, yeah. You've... Always time for that, though. You've channeled your energy into Wordle. Now, for those that don't know what Wordle is, it's taking the world by storm.

Yes, it's a grid. It's five by six, six indicating how many guesses you get, five how long the word is. So you have six, and you get to do this one a day. One a day. Once it refreshes. What time does it refresh here? Did you get it already? Damn it, Carwin's good at this.

Now, spoilers, because you've had a lot of complaints. We have fielded a lot of complaints here at ZM. When we talked about this previously, I said, for example, today's word, and I said one of the letters that was in it, and whereabouts in the letter, people did not like that at all, and I apologise. But it's happened to me yesterday.

Executive intern Anya just straight up told me what the word was. Well, I think that was payback because you told me what wordle was, and then I did it, and I said, oh, the I is in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then... That was the other day when it was I said, oh, the I is in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, that was the other day when it was point. It was point.

It was point. Did you notice how many times when you hadn't yet done it, how many times I said point in the group chat that day? Heaps. I just want to point out.

Yeah, I want to point out, I think I'm missing the point. That guy doesn't get it. What's the point? Yeah, that guy doesn't get it. It's not an app,

is it? You've got to go. There is an app called Wordle, but that's not it because I downloaded it and no, that's not it. It's not an app, is it? You've got to go. There is an app called Wordle, but that's not it. Because I downloaded it. No, that's not it. It's a silly game. It's a randomly generated five-letter word. You put in a five-letter word for your first guess.

If the letter, any of those letters is in the right place, it will light up green and say, yes, that letter is in the word, and yes, that is the right spot, but not the right word. I actually had a message from somebody thanking me for my plan of using the word adieu. Because it's got a lot of vowels. Yes, yes, yes. That's a really good starter. But you actually Googled a list of different words that had like T, like a few more consonants in there that were more popular with vowels.

What about streak? Because then you get your S, your T. How many letters is streak? Yes. That were more popular. Yeah. With vowels. What about streak? Because then you get your S, your T. How many letters is streak? Yes. That's why I use steak. Steak. The first time I ever did it, I used steak. But then the K's a bit of a waste.

Yes. The K's a waste there. Steel. Steam? Steel. Yes. Because more words would have. S-T-E-A-L.

They're good letters. Or least. Same thing. Yeah, just in a different. Order. Order. So if they all lit up yellow, meaning yes, they're in the word, but they're in the wrong place.

It could be the other way around. Yeah, right. Well, there's a sort of an intergovernmental competition going on. The Ministry of the Environment yesterday shared that they got yesterday's wordle in three guesses. Oh, wow. Pretty good. What was yesterday's word?

Are you allowed to say? Yeah It's done now It's gone What was it? It's robot It was robot It was robot

Okay Yeah Oh the O's would have been good That's what I was talking about The double letters in there That's a confusing thing to deal with Yeah Gotta keep that on the radar

But anyway They tweeted saying Your move Department of Department of Conservation Statistics New Zealand. What's EECA? Every email can alarm.

That works. The Department of Every Email Can Alarm. Is it education? No. What is it? EECA. Okay. It's got to be environment. Energy Efficiency and Conservation Authority.

Those are those mother effers that put the stickers on the fridge. Oh. I bet you they are. Who keeps them on the fridge? People keep them on the fridge. What is this, a show home? Brag about their energy rating. Sorry, this is a four out of five.

Can you shut the door on the fridge? Because it's a five star. Yeah, or people leave them on their toilet. It's like, oh, we've this is a four out of five. Can you shut the door in the fridge? Because it's a five star. Yeah, or people leave them on their toilet. It's like, oh, we've got four water drops out of five. Oh, my Lord. Peel it off. If you put it on, stop listening. Go to the bathroom, peel it off.

Some people, it's very nervous for them. They start to peel it off and they get some white remains. So they just push the sticker back down and they're like, this is a job for another day when I've got some dissolvent on me. No, they're not like those kind of stickers. They're a little bit easier to come off. Trust me. I pulled some off some white wear recently and I had a lot of stuff

remaining. Oh, you had residue. Yeah, I had residue. Okay, so how has the EECA been dragged into this debacle? Well, then everybody's favourite fun police What's his name? Chris Bishop.

Chris Bishop. Yeah. From the National Party tweeted that they were wasting the, they were, one government department tweets out the closure of New Zealand borders. Meanwhile,

MFE, DOC, Stats and EECA are playing Wordle now about that non-existent plan for Omicron. You've got to do something in your lunch break.

Or allow a little joy. You're surely allowed a bit of joy at work Yeah But then Maybe not if you're a government Even the government, you know, has a little In the Ministry for the Environment Like, are they frontline COVID decisions? Yeah, there's not much to do with the environment, right?

We've sorted that one Until Kiwis get the bloody COVID Then they'll worry about it Until our rivers have Didymo Poos in them. Oh, the rivers are riddled with poos. Yeah, if they get COVID, then that's something for them to worry about. But yeah, let the government departments have their bloody.

Yeah, well, maybe if you're in a government department, you're on your way to work at a government department, maybe the EECA, and you're taking a break from putting stickers on fridges and dishwashers, maybe just don't tweet your wordle. That's all they do. Maybe just don't tweet your wordle today. Statistics New Zealand are like running through median this, that, and the other. And EECA are like, we put the stickers on.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. Hayley, your move, EECA. And now the government department's playing Wordle because I just got it in three goes on my first Wordle. And the celebration in here was alarmingly exciting. Yeah, my second word, I got four green thingies. You got four greens on your second. And then it could only be one thing. I've had a look.

So we've got the power now, Vaughan, because we know what it is. That's fun. I think I'm hopping out. Jared said don't you spoil this for me. Don't you spoil this. And, Vaughan, because we know what it is. That's fun. I think I'm hot now. Jared said don't you spoil this for me. Don't you spoil this. And that's the thing. I haven't finished it yet either. I'm not saying today's wordle.

I know how important it is to people. God, I hate having it in my heart, though, because I just want to blurt it out. But I won't. It was point on Monday. Okay. Tinder Australia have released the top 100 dating anthems for the year. These are the songs that people link on their profiles.

Like you put your favourite songs. I didn't know you could do that. It's very MySpace to do that. Back in the day I was a MySpace gal rocking the emo life. What were your top MySpace songs? Do you remember? You changed them, right? You could have one song at a time.

You changed them all the time, yeah. I had a lot of Under Oath, a lot of the used, My Chem. My Chemical Romance, yeah. So you would go to MySpace, and the minute the page loaded, that song was playing, like it or not. Coming out of your tinny little speakers. On dial-up internet. Yeah, exactly.

But yeah, so you can put songs on your Tinder. I don't know. I've never had Tinder. It came out after I got with Aaron, which makes me a bit sad. I would have thrived. You would have absolutely punished it. I would have thrived. You would have clocked it.

Because I was basically doing it, but in person. You'd just swipe away. You'd swipe away from them. Next, next. No, no, no. Are you one of these people that you've been in a relationship

for the entirety of Tinder's existence that when a friend has Tinder, you get, oh. I went to Waiheke Island recently with two of my friends and, yeah, I was on two phones going, okay, for you and for you. You were like Neo in The Matrix except you were Hayley on Tinder.

Yeah, and I was writing their profiles. I even started the messaging. Yeah. Oh, okay. I started the conversation. I would have thrived, I'm telling you. Yeah. I don't know what song I would have put on there.

Killer Queen, maybe. Okay. By I'm telling you. Yeah. I don't know what song I would have put on there. Killer Queen, maybe. Okay. By Queen. By Queen. Okay. Well, people normally go more modern. Not me. Not you.

Not me. She wants to get those old dudes. So they've released the top 100. I'm not going to give you 100. I'm going to give you the top five. Okay. I won't start. I'll give you number 100.

Are they just the biggest five songs of last year? Kind of. Industry Baby's number five. Okay. I won't start. I'll give you number 100. Are they just the biggest five songs of last year? Kind of. Industry Babies, number five. Okay. Lil Nas X, of course. Heatwaves, number four. Glass Animals. Sort of, yeah.

I don't know what they're saying about people. Number three, The Spins, Mac Miller. I think you're looking into it too much as to what it means to represent. It's just their favorite song at the time. As I'm saying, on MySpace, you'd really, really put a lot of effort into what song because it does say something about you.

And how black your bleeding heart is. Number two, good for you, Olivia Rodrigo. And number one, drumroll please, is Stay. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Yeah. You'd say one of the biggest songs of last year. Stay, Justin Bieber, The Kid Laroi. I don't know. Why are you surprised? I don't know. It's just sort of a. Both of you seem surprised.

You shouldn't be surprised. It was one of the biggest songs of the year. Yeah, one of the biggest songs of the year. But aren't you saying that like, aren't you wanting your Tinder profile to say as much about you as possible no but this says yeah this was a good song yeah

that's basically that's it I think you're thinking too deeply this is why you would have clocked it you were thinking about the game because Tinder to me seems like a game because it's an app so it seems like you play Candy Crush till you're out of energy and then you switch to another game and another game is Tinder and you never run out of energy because the idea is collecting human souls.

You were thinking at a meta level on how to play this game, whereas other people will just put it in the song they liked at the moment. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hi there. Hello. Scott Morrison is the Top Six. Hi there. Hello. Scott Morrison is the Prime Minister of Australia. Love him. Not the old fast bowler for the New Zealand cricket team who does the commentary now.

That's Danny Morrison. Dodgy Danny. And not Scotty Morrison either. Who is from LMNOP? No. No, he's a presenter. Oh, that's Scotty Morrison. Oh, no, Scotty Stevenson.

No, Scotty Stevenson is... Scotty Morrison is... Sumo Stevenson. Yeah. Who does sports. Scotty Morrison is married to Stacey Morrison. He does Te Karade.

Yes. What was the guy from LMNOP? What was Scotty from LMNOP? Yeah, Scotty... Lot of Scotties. Lot ofty. A lot of Scotties. A lot of Scotties. A lot of Scotties, a lot of Morrisons. And one of them is the Prime Minister of Australia, surprisingly.

He's the best one, I reckon. Omicron's kind of been running pretty ragged over there. Rampant. To the point where they've almost said to some people, if you've got it, but you can, and you're not like coughing every two seconds and bleeding from the eyes, come to work. I know, because like, have you seen the supermarkets over there?

No. Like they've got the stock, they just can't get it to the stores because everyone's sick. Everybody in the supply chain. Yeah. I suppose it's going to get to that point, isn't it? It is, yeah. But you know, you just get it, you truck on, like you used to come to work

with a bit of a cough and a flu and sit in the corner and give it to everyone else. Yeah, and then there was this awesome two-year period where I was encouraged not to and now we're back to pre-pandemic levels

of go to work when you're sick. That's ridiculous. But the major, one of the major parts, forklifts, because of course you need a licence to drive a forklift.

Yeah. And Scotty Morrison said, can't we just get the teenagers doing that? Can't we just let them have a way? Wow, the memes yesterday and the Batuta advocate were on fire with this. Everyone's like, you know that it's quite a dangerous thing.

Does he have a teenager? Does he have kids? I think he does. Does he have girls? So he knows how useless teenagers are but also shows the disconnect of how a politician knows that forklifts need licenses

and they're not easy to drive Well I mean they are easy when you know how to do it And we mentioned before if you've ever seen the forklift fails Oh my god I could spend hours watching that Today's top 6 is the top 6 other great jobs for teenagers If you've ever seen the Forkler Fails, oh, my God. I could spend hours watching that. Jesus. What a risk. So good.

Today's top six is the top six other great jobs for teenagers to have a go at. Yeah. Number six, heart surgeons. Why not? You've seen a drawing of a heart. It's got two half circles at the top and a triangle at the bottom. Sometimes there's an arrow through it, so that would be a bit hard. Well, you know how to do surgery.

You don't pull it back through the heart. You keep going through. You keep going, follow the trajectory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because if you pull it back the other way, you'll damage the heart. Did you guys dissect cow's hearts at high school? No. We did at Clem Argyle College, private school.

Okay, right. The cows were murdered especially. They were probably murdered that morning. Well, we dissected cow's hearts. That's good enough. Did you? I know my way around a cow's heart. But what's the point of that?

Like, when have you ever needed to... I don't know. One girl fainted. That's the one thing I remember from that day. Oh, any time there was dissection, there was fainting. Yeah. Then we did frogs. We did frogs, yeah.

And rabbits. Right. But that was dependent on if anybody's farmer dad could shoot a rabbit for them to bring into... Oh, yeah. One, somebody cut it open and it was full of baby rabbits. That was a vomo. There was a couple of vomos. A couple of vomos and a faint that day.

Speaking of which, number five on the list of the top six other great jobs for teenagers to just have a whack at are teachers. Spring teachers. Sure. They're the ones with the freshest education. I know. And the best way to learn is to teach. So... Yeah, why not?

Why not? Sure. Let's have a go. Number four on the list of the top six other great jobs for unqualified Australian teenagers to have a go at, pilots. Just find the ones that have done Microsoft Flight Simulator. Those things fly themselves.

They do these days. They can land themselves These days They're like Teslas Basically Literally they are Flick flick flick Flick flick

Push a button Up you go Up button Down button Yeah Yeah Up button Down button

There's only two buttons I don't know if you've Seen a cockpit There's two buttons They take off And they land And in between You just push them both down

I think there's a flaps button. No, not anymore. Not anymore? No touching flaps in 2022. No flaps. Flaps are automatic. Flapless planes. No, they've still got flaps, but you don't get any. You don't touch them. Oh, just hit the button. Yeah. Hit the button, not the flaps. What about the wheels? They're automatic too

as well. There's no landing gear? You dickhead, of course. When you're coming into land, it's like oh, the ground's there and then a little laser pops it out automatically. It's no landing gear? You dickhead, of course. When you're coming into land, it's like, oh, the ground's there and then a little laser pops it out automatically. It's like in our cars, cars beep when they're parking. When you're reversing

and you're too close to something, it goes beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. It's just that, but the wheels just come down instead of the beep. It's like my car just stops when it's not moving. Exactly.

Just turns itself off. Wow. Planes just do that now. Number three on the list of the top six other great jobs for totally unqualified Australian tender just to have a go at. Snake handler. Why not? I don't know if

Australia's got that many poisonous snakes. They've got heaps of snakes, but I don't know. Just grab it by the head. I've seen enough Steve Irwin things. Yeah. Long pair of barbecue tongs on the back of the head. Yeah. Hold it. You've always got to look it eye to eye and call it a little beauty and then chuck it

in a basket, washing basket and put a lid on it. Piece of cake. Number two on the list of the top six other great jobs for unqualified teenagers

in Australia to have a go at in this time of Omicron. Police officers. True. Why not? Give them the uniform. Yeah.

Haven't met anybody so hopped up on their own power they'll just beat the shit out of somebody else. Teenage boys. Teenage boys. And number one on the list of the top six other great jobs for unqualified teenagers to have a go at, Prime Minister of Australia. Yeah.

Yeah. I reckon they... That's sort of a stop-go situation as well, isn't it? Yeah, totally. Two buttons. Yeah. Two buttons to be Prime's sort of a stop-go situation as well, isn't it? Yeah, totally. There's a button. Two buttons. Yeah. Two buttons to be Prime Minister.

That is today's stop sex. Harry Styles on ZM. Falling. If you missed the news yesterday, his New Zealand concert cancelled again. The fans are turning. You see, people are so like, I'll never forgive you Harry. I don't know if they're there. They are. They're getting all upset about it. Unless

Harry was in a wet market in Wuhan mid to late 2019, I don't know if we can blame him. What do you want the boy to do? Well, if you do have tickets, you can get refunds from the point of sale. Although some people with different credit cards,

because some people bought these tickets years ago and they kept changing the dates. If you've got a different- And you lose your EFTPOS card. Well, yeah, if you've got a different debit or credit card, you've got to go and contact where you got it from, like Ticketmaster or whatever. Update the dates.

Good luck with that. But then when's he coming back? Because he's going to be in, like now he's in the Marvel Universe. And he's doing a massive. Anyway, that won't take long. South American or no? Doing like tours all over the world. Yeah.

So he'll be here in 25, 2025. Let's admit it. We're too far away. It's too difficult. Poor Carwen's upset. She's got posters of him. Yeah. Have you got your refund back, Carwen?

Are you working on your refund? We're definitely working on it. Because you've got a different credit card. We don't have the same credit card. Yeah. Oosh. What a nightmare. Yeah, and concert refunds take ages.

Are you still a fan? It's like a Ticketmaster term deposit, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Yes. You pay zero. Oh, damn. Just like three-year term deposit, and you get nothing out of it. You actually lose the card processing fee as well.

Yes. Do you? Do they not give you that back? No. I don't think so. What does that cost you? They've processed it. So they've done what that money was for.

But they're unprocessing it. I know. That costs more. Give it back. Unbelievable. I know. All right. Air New Zealand have released Their flying stats

For 2021 For last year New Zealanders flew domestically Quite a bit Because we couldn't go anywhere 7.4 million domestic passengers Last year Compared with 2020

Which was more of a lockdown year 6.7 million that year Oh yeah Hardly anything But the The most interesting thing is, New Zealand's most frequent flyer last year, 230 flights.

Wow. This anonymous passenger took, racking up a total of 96,000 kilometres in the air. There would have been a couple of there and backs in one day in that mix as well. Yeah, like 230 flights. That's nearly one every day. A few days.

A few days. If my maths is correct, that's only, so for four months, they didn't fly. Well, there were. So that's basically eight months of flying every day. If you work it out that way. There were 100 days of lockdown for like Auckland. So we're hoping they don't Auckland though because otherwise they would have crammed every other day in. Even then you could

only fly into Auckland and out of Auckland if you're an essential worker. Yeah. I'm thinking they must be an essential worker or a government worker. It's not just Cinderella. She would have done a fair bit of flying. Even the Prime Minister, that's what I was thinking, wouldn't have flown that much. But you know, she does a lot of there and back

in one day. Flies in, does the appointments, flies out. So that's two flights. A lot of time in Wellington, didn't she? Yeah, like lockdown, she was there the whole time. But I bet in an average year, they'd be flying at least once a day. Every day, every couple of years at least. Maybe it's Jacinda.

Well, they haven't said so much faffing about. Can you message her and ask her? Or if you're listening, you're like, that's me. I am that person. Just be like, are you the frequent flyer that took 230 flights last year? Because who else could it be? I don't know. What would they be doing?

Like a business person? A business person. Wellington to Christchurch, maybe? All the time, like every couple of days? Yeah. Oh, that's real. I need to know now. I would suggest they just need to relocate.

Do you know what I mean? Like move to where they're flying. Businesses in both areas and they have the link. Well, they need to get a general manager. They need to have more trust in their general manager at their other bar. Yeah. In fact, if you are the general manager and your boss flew 230 times last year, they don't trust you.

They don't trust you. Yeah, I'd say your time's not mid, buddy. Is it that they want to get away from their wife? What if they've got two families? Two families. Two families. Two family situations. Two lives.

Yeah. And they're just flying between both their lives. Imagine getting stuck with your least favourite family in Auckland. And then there was the lockdown and you're like, oh my God, I'm stuck with the dad family. I'm stuck with family B and I want to be with family A. But then why do you have family B? I don't know.

They were your first family. Oh, right. Okay. That's the only explanation here. They were your initial family and then you started with the other family. Right. A better family. You made it a better,

you did better second time around, you know, you learnt from your mistakes of family, what were family A but now they're family B and ranking's pure.

How would they get away with the transactions if you're living a multiple? Two bank accounts. What is it? So 230, what's the average cost of a flight?

120 bucks? No, but they say it's for work. That was way more. $130 per flight because they got some, you know, $73 ones

and some more expensive ones. They've spent $30,000 on flights. And that's if they're cheap. So you couldn't hide $30,000 from wife A to go and see wife B. Unless,

maybe it's got to be business. I always think that when you do hear the stories about the people who have two families, wife A and wife B. Unless, maybe, it's got to be business. I always think that when you do hear the stories about the people who have two families, wife A and wife B must have been pretty bad at, like, observational. Oh, they're having an affair as well, I reckon. Oh, my God. Everyone's having an affair.

Yeah, they're having a husband B. Okay, so what would you call wife B's second family? Family B2? Yeah. Yeah. B forward slash two. We're going to need one of those organisational charts. Yeah. B4 slash 2. We're going to need one of those organisational charts. It's like a family tree.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Executive Attorney Anya, I would say spiritually you seem a little dimmed. Usually you're a bright candle. Thank you. Of spiritual enlightenment. But my feeling is, and I don't want to freak you out, but I had a light bit of reiki when I walked home. Reiki.

If you're going to lie, you've got to know how to say the words, right? Yeah. If you're going to try to sound... Reiki. Reiki. Reiki. And I felt that your aura had been dimmed. Right.

You've gone from the usual sort of a vibrant pink to sort of a dark magenta, and I need to know why. Yeah, it's not that your crystal hasn't been recharged because you've fully recharged that. And the moon a couple of nights ago, they're all charged up. Yeah, no, we're all good to go on that front. Last night I found out that somebody who I went to university with just over five years ago has been using something of mine. Now, this is a person that I would say I was friendly with, certainly friendly, but we were by no means like flatmates, good chums.

Yeah. We didn't like hang out one-on-one. Okay. Right. He memorized my number and has been using my New World club points. What? Has been like accruing points on my behalf. So he gets the discounts for the last five years. No, but this is a positive though because you accrue the points.

Because you get the points. Yes, which I later realized. But at first I was like, that's super weird that he's remembered my number for five years. So when he goes in and they're like, have you got a club card? He rattles off the nine-digit pin. Yeah, he's like, oh, sorry, I haven't got my card on me. But the number is. Here's the number.

Dude, get a goddamn New World Club card. Get a card. Right? But he's giving you air points. But he's giving you, not air points. Flybys. No, no, flybys. No, I get air points.

What? How? I think you can choose. You can choose. I've no, fly-bys. No, I get air points. What? How? I think you can choose. You can choose. I've got air points on my visa. No, so it's automatic. Yeah, but you can get air points as well at New World. And then they made it harder for you to turn your fly-bys into air points.

I don't want fly-bys. Who's ever bought a single thing off of a fly-bys? Oh, voicemail. Oh, my God, three of you. I've got a chunk of our mortgage doing this fly flybys web... Oh, voicemail. Oh my god, three of you. I've got a chunk of our mortgage doing this flybys thing and I know there'll be a financial advisor listening and be like, that's a terrible idea.

Stick it up your ass. What? I've got a toaster. I've got a spotlight. Every now and then, Sharlay and I will get the little flybys mailer and be like, oh my god, we've got points and then we have a fun little flick through the catalogue. A little shop. It's so much fun. I've never spent flybys mailer and be like, oh my God, we've got points. And then we have a fun little flick through the catalog. It's so much fun.

I've never spent flybys. I don't know why you're not mad about this, are you? No, at first I was a little, I don't know why I felt so protective of my club car, but I was like, is this an invasion of privacy? But then I went on and checked how many points I had and I got a bottle of Aperol. Yes, you did.

Wow. Five years and you've got a bottle of Aperol. Hard, you did. Wow. Five years and you've got a bottle of Aperol. Hard for us. It sounds worth it. But that's his, he's earned you a bottle of Aperol. That he has, yeah.

It's a bottle of Aperol he didn't have. How did he bring this up? He told a mutual friend, a mutual friend messaged me last night and said, did you know this

about this person? Have you confronted him? No. Do we know this guy that's using your club card? No. Okay. Yeah. Wow. Five years and you guy that's using your club card? No. Okay. Yeah.

Wow. Five years and you've got a bottle of Aperol. Hard for us. It sounds worth it. He's earned you a bottle of Aperol. That he has, yeah. It really works out for everyone. How did he bring this up?

He told a mutual friend. A mutual friend messaged me last night and said, did you know this about this person? Have you confronted him? That's still rocking. No. Do we know this guy that's using your club card?

No. Okay. Yeah. I don't know why you're dimmed about this. I'd be stoked if someone was using all my... Also on his behalf,

I'm like, just get your own, sweetheart. Like, just get your own points. Have I ever told you about when I worked at the petrol station and there was somebody who worked there

and every time they'd say, do you have flybys? A customer said no. He'd be like, that's okay. And he'd put his hand in front of the flybys scanner and he had his own flybys R code taped to his hand so he'd get their flybys. Anyway, it went to Flybys HQ. It was this huge, well, because it sends them alert if the same'd get their flybys. Anyway, it went to Flybys HQ. It was this huge...

Well, because it sends them alert if the same person's claiming flybys literally every five minutes. Because the same location, no one fills up with petrol that much. Even like big companies that have petrol cards and a fleet of vehicles. But isn't it the same as like

if you're in a line getting a coffee and they don't have a punch card and you say, oh, punch my card. It's the same. Not when you work there and you're doing it every five minutes. And you're getting a bottle of Aperol every hour. Yeah. Chance to win free fuel this morning. Now and again at eight o'clock, Kayla joins us.

Good morning, Kayla. Hi, how are you? Good, good. What's the fuel gauge on at the moment? It's nearing, like, it's nearly on the light. Very close. You've got at least 100 kilometres left. At least.

I'm telling you. All right, so here's how it works. You've just got to say stop before the fuel pump buzzes and cuts you off. If that happens, you get nothing. But you can say stop at any stage and get the dollar amount. Now, we've had the fuel pump cut off anywhere between, what, 80? Yes, 70, I think, yesterday. And 300?

300, yeah. So it depends how brave you are. Kayla, are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Let's go. $10. $10. $85. $10.

$110. $130. Kayla! Greedy little piggy! Oh! Yes! Kayla! Greedy little piggy! I could feel your breath and your energy about to say stop, and you didn't! I was literally, I breathed in to be like, stop.

The jump from 10 to 85 shook me. Yeah, and then I thought as soon as it went 110, you were going to say stop, but no. Yeah, the 85 shook me, and I was like, oh God. And then, nah. Oh, God. Well, Kayla, unfortunately you've missed out, but we do have another chance to win coming up this morning at 8 o'clock.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I had a message yesterday on Instagram. Obviously a little bit of a sort of a guru that turned to me for all sorts of advice. Oh, they do. A shaman. A shaman of sorts.

You do have a wise energy. I do have a very wise energy. What would my aura colour be? Sort of a green. I was going to say green. I was going to say green. I saw green. An earthy green.

I was going to say Poe Brown. I'm still earthy. Very earthy though. Ground here. Very, An earthy grain. I was going to say poo brown. Still earthy. Very earthy though. Ground, yeah. Very, very earthy. Poo brown is a little bit green sometimes. Yeah, okay. If you've been heavy on the spinach.

On the licorice. Or the beans. Yeah, why does licorice go green in poos? No one knows. It's black. No one knows. That sounds like a job for the shaman to investigate. Yeah.

So somebody messaged me saying, what would you do in this situation? And immediately upon reading it, I was like, I would knock, knock, knock. They said they know someone for a fact has not been vaccinated and has acquired a fake vaccine pass so they can still go into restaurants,

bars, places where there'll be a congregation of people. Yeah. And when you go in and you scan in and you show your vaccine pass, you're of the opinion that everybody else there has also played the game. It's me because, yeah, if you don't want to get vaccinated, fine. That's, I mean, that's, well, obviously I would love everybody to be vaccinated. But if you do choose not to, don't go into a venue pretending that you're vaccinated, putting everybody at risk. Exactly.

That's the thing that shits me. And it's sort of annoying because you're putting the workers in a position as well. They're doing their best. They're checking your vaccine pass. I've only been to one place where they've been cross-referenced with my ID. You know, it's got your name on it. I am yet to go anywhere. I've shown the vaccine pass heaps, but there's no way.

They don't have time. They can't be doing that every time. Or is it just because I look so fresh and young? Sure, it's sad. Not anymore. Maybe before this week. Give this job six months. Old and drained.

Face will be melting off. Sometimes I just look like I've got COVID when I wake up. Sue, do you have COVID? No, I wake up four o'clock in the morning every morning and can't get to sleep early and drink too much. Oh, come in. Come in. Sit down.

Sit down. I've seen these. I went on Facebook Marketplace looking for some, maybe a pothos, a bit of plant. Are you kidding me? And I saw two vaccine passes that people were selling. What? Just selling.

With their actual Facebook real names. Even if it's not their real Facebook names, these things are traceable, you dum-dums. I know. With IP addresses, yeah. But is it the fact everybody's so busy dealing with it that there isn't a lot of time for the enforcement to follow up? Yeah, I mean, there's bigger fish to fry, maybe. Because it's also one thing to be like, oh, I'm not getting vaccinated.

That's cool. But then the next level is like fraud. And you can be fine. Because when this person messaged me and they said, do you know how? I said I would 100% report it. Because they said it was someone that they knew that wasn't in their immediate group of friends,

but had mutual friends in their group of friends. And everyone was like, oh, that's not cool. But no one was saying to the person, that's not cool. knew that wasn't in their immediate group of friends, but had mutual friends in their group of friends. And everyone was like, oh, that's not cool. But no one was saying to the person, that's not cool. That's narc territory. But, yeah. It's hard, though. You can narc online or assume you can ring that 10-5,

that non-emergency police number. But, again, are there enough free hands to be looking into this? You narc online. You narc online. Nothing's going to happen. at this? You narc online. You narc online. Nothing's going to happen. No, I've narced online. I'll bring you back to the neighbour, you know, thing. I've narced online on 10-5 many, many times, and they do follow up. Really?

Yeah, well, they need your details. So you do give your details when you narc online. So you can't narc anonymously? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Can you narc anonymously at 10-5? No. They still need a name to put. They're not going to call the person and be like,

we believe you're using a fake vaccine passport. It says here Vaughn Smith. Hades Sproul from across the road. Here's their number if you want to get in touch with them. They're not going to give away your details. I'm saying no, you can't narc anonymously on there, but I don't actually know. There just is a section where you have to fill in your details. I suppose you no, you can't narc anonymously on there, but I don't actually know. Right. There just is a section

where you have to fill in your details. I suppose you could just fill in... I love that you know this. I have used 10-5, honestly, every second day in my old house, so yeah. So what do you think this person should do? Oh, I told them, 100% narc on them. You just said narc

on them. You're pro-narc? I agree, I'm pro-narc. I'm pro-narc. Absolutely pro-narc. When it comes to this kind of thing agree. I'm pro-narc. I'm pro-narc. Absolutely pro-narc. When it comes to this kind of thing, I'm definitely pro-narc. Massive pro-narc. What are we anti-narc on? I'm pro-narc. I'm a narc. You're a narc.

You are a narc. I was a narc when I was a kid because my brother and I just narc'd on each other nonstop. Yeah. And I just grew up assuming everybody narc'd. Like, the minute you saw something. And my daughter was the same. Indy was the same. She'd like go up to the teacher and be like, oh, they,

and just knock on kids for nothing. Oh, no. Like they knocked somebody's coat down. Yeah. And the teacher would be like, oh, okay. And they'd go over, can you pick up the coat? I think I'm pro-knock when it comes to putting other people at risk. Yeah.

But if it's a victimless crime. If it's more sort of a moral thing that I don't agree with, but it's sort of a victimless crime. If it's more sort of a moral thing that I don't agree with, but it's sort of a victimless crime, I'm anti-narc. Anti-narc. Because I was a naughty girl. If you saw somebody shoplifting,

I would 100% take, I've done this in a supermarket. I saw someone slipping a meat pack down their pants. And I went straight up to the information desk and I was like, hey, I don't want to draw attention to the fact that I'm narcing, but that person just put meat down their pants.

And they were like, oh, thank you for that. And then someone went and they tried to run back through that thing that stops your trolleys and they fell over. So now they've got a sore leg and no meat.

Yeah. Bruised quads. Because I saw somebody put down sausages down their pants. Did you? Yeah, and I was like, I swear you shoved meat down their pants. And I was,

well, because it's expensive. And I was like, well, they're not going to put the meat back because it's been down someone's pants. I need it. And they obviously need the meat. So who am I? That's where they sleep.

So you didn't narc? It's not my... No, I didn't narc. You do think... Yeah. What's it to me? Maybe... Yeah.

Yeah. Could we take some calls this morning? I think so. When have you narced on someone and what was it for? Was it a big nark? Yeah, big nark. Or was it a small nark? Or an accidental nark?

Or a nark? If you were just discussing something somebody was doing with somebody else and it turned out they weren't supposed to know that. They weren't supposed to know that and you narked. Or a nark where you thought you were being anonymous, but they found out that you were the nark. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

That would be horrible. Maybe if you've narced as often as I have, don't talk about it on national radio. Yeah. A non-narc. You've moved now. You've moved now. That's fine.

All right, well, give us a call. And also, it's just letting the new neighbours know you're not to be effed with. I'll call 10-5 at the slightest inconvenience. I will narc. All right, 0800-DARLS-AT-M. Give us a call. Text as well, 9696.

Have you narked? Who'd you nark on? How'd it go? All right. Narking. We're talking narking. Someone messaged me yesterday. I don't know why.

This wasn't completely out of the blue. I've messaged this person before. Yeah. About various things. And they said, this is the situation. A friend at the outer room of my friend circle um is not vaccinated and is fraudulently using a fake vaccine pass to get access to areas that will require vaccination yeah bars restaurants etc etc still live in the high life

and are really like smug about it yeah and and their conundrum is do they narc or not? Do they narc? Everybody else is doing their part. Could you wait until you know they're at a venue and they've used... That's what's wrong with my foot! Yes, and you know that they've used the pass illegally

and then you ring the police and you say, I think they've got a knife or a gun. Okay, well, you've just got really dramatic. And they're in the restaurant and so they're going to turn up because they've got a knife or a gun.

This is probably going up. This is not what I was thinking. You don't want to get them shot. Have I gone too far? I was going to go too far. But otherwise, if you say that they're there just having a frittata, they're not going to turn up, are they? I was thinking if you know they were going to go to a venue

you could ring the venue and say hello Steve Roberts here from the COVID response team no you go to jail for five years for impersonating a COVID response team they'll never find me and don't narc I understand that I'm narcing

it's a cycle of narking though that you've just started and it's a never ending downward spiral of narking and I say I just want to let you know that I would askarking. It's a cycle of narking though that you've just started. Yeah, I know. And it's a never ending downward spiral of narking. And I say, I just want to let you know that I would ask to speak to the manager and then I'd say, our members of our team

are operating in your area. I want to let you know we're testing front of house staff for how vigilantly they're scanning vaccine passports. This will be happening over the next three days

in your area. And cross-referencing with their identification. To make sure that... Oh, no, but the poor bars... No, I would just call up and say, I know someone's about to come to your cafe and use a fake vaccine passport.

They look like this. Then they can check it and go, can I see... I still don't think they're going to care. But then what if the cafe was like, we're too busy. Yeah, poor cafe. They're busy enough as it is. Well, aren't they? It's not on them.

Good luck with your COVID diagnosis. Good luck being a location of interest that works out really well for businesses. Yeah, poor cafe. They're busy enough as it is. It's not on them. Good luck with your COVID diagnosis. Good luck being a location of interest that works out really well for businesses. Yeah, exactly. Well, we want to know from you this morning when you've narked. Peach, good morning. Peach? She's in a different castle. Peachy?

Mario joke there, and it went completely unappreciated. Peachy. Peachy. Peachy's gone. We've got a bad line there. I told you, she'sated. Peachy. Peachy. Peach is gone. We've got a bad line there. I told you she's in a different castle. Come on. Let's go.

Here's a me. Tish. It's Tish. Why did you write Peach? Why did you write Peach? She wasn't answering. She's like, what a silly name. Tish?

Tish. Tish, good morning. Yeah, it isn't me, Tish. It's not Peach. You say Peach and I'm like, are they talking to me? I'm not sure. No, I think you should change it to Peach, Tish. good morning. Yeah, definitely Tish. Not Peach. You say Peach, and I'm like, are they talking to me? I'm not sure. No, I think you should change it to Peach, Tish. That's okay.

I'm just looking at the keyboard here, producer. Jared, T isn't even next to P. No, I think he just missed who. I don't think it was a type of... And I did definitely spell it for him. That's all right. Jared. You've embarrassed me.

He's South African. Didn't you go to a private school? Yeah, but T's and P's sound very similar over the phone. No, they don't. In Afrikaans, they do. In Afrikaans, they do. Tisha, apologies. The bat's okay.

When did you knock on someone? Well, it was a bit of an awkward situation too because the guy was with his young son. They were around our local supermarket and here we are at a supermarket, Charlie, full of like bits and bobs and I saw him lift up his hoodie

and tuck a block of chocolate down his pants. I was like, no, surely not. Surely not. So I just kept watching, sort of walked away and then sort of like turned around

and I was like, oh my, he literally just stuffed a block of chocolate down his pants and then I was watching for a wee while and he went to the fresh food sort of like turned around and I was like, oh my, he literally just stuffed a block of chocolate down his pants and then I was watching for a wee while and he went to the fresh food sort of chiller

and get like a big cream donut and put that in his hoodie pocket. A cream donut? What, wait, did he bag, you're never going to get a cream donut out. Did he bag,

did he bag the cream donut? No, it was in like one of those little plastic, you know, pre-wrapped. Oh, okay, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like,

holy shit. And then I was watching for a while and I went over to one of the guys and I just saw this man. Like, it was so awkward because I was kind of watching him just stuff a block of chocolate down his pants. But then they stopped him and that's what I thought. My partner the whole time was like,

don't go over there, just mind your business. I was like, he literally just stuffed a block of chocolate down his pants and his son's watching the whole time. If it was something, like, you know, urgent, I'd be like, hey, you know, I'll buy that for you. But a block of chocolate and a pants and the sun's watching the whole time. If it was something, like, you know, urgent, I'd be like, hey, you know, I'll buy that for you. But a block of chocolate and a cream donut, I don't think so. I would have done citizen's arrest.

So you're saying he'd be just, or just smush the donut in his hoodie. Yeah, yeah. And he'd be like getting the smell of cream out of clothes. Yeah, exactly. Right. Tish, thanks for your call. Jess, when did you knock on someone? I had to because we saw someone at one of those little souvenir gift shop things.

You know, you can get those tiny little toiletry kits that have like little nail scissors. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. This guy picked one up, went over to like one of the mirrors where you try the old, you know, Moana Road sunnies on and used the tweezers in there to pick at his teeth and fish around in his mouth to find whatever he had there

and then put it all back in the container and popped it back on the shelf. No! He did not! Oh, that is disgusting. That's gross. That's so grotty. Okay, that's...

Yeah. I approve of this narc. That's a good narc. Yeah, you don't get stitches. I just had to, like, sift over the counsellor and be like, just that little kit there, you don't want to sell that. And so they had to look back and they went over to him, like, you have to leave.

We don't trust you. You've not touched anything else. No, I'm telling you, you have to pay for this. Well, so 100% when you left, Jess, they just wiped it down with a tissue and put it back, eh? Yeah. Yeah, totally. Wiped it on their T-shirt.

Yeah, yeah. That'll do, that'll do. Jess, thanks. You called some messages in. About knocking. Someone said, I've got a rule. If I see someone taking something, but it seems like the person, if it's an essential,

I can turn a blind eye. Yes. I did that with the sausages. You did this with the sausages. Because they feed themselves or feed their family, they can turn a blind eye. Yes. I did that with the sausages. You did this with the sausages. Because they feed themselves or feed their family, they can turn a blind eye. But if I see someone stealing something else, like non-essential, for example,

the kid yesterday I saw stealing the car cleaning stuff at the supermarket. Straight to the info desk. Because, I mean, having a dirty car, that's not the difference between life and death, is it? No, no, it's not. Starving. 100% narc, I was in the local countdown,

saw a man putting the tall cans of Heineken in his tracky pockets. Oh, is that a can of Heineken in your tracky pocket? Or are you just pleased to see me? But she approached him, There was lots of yelling. Some other members of the public who was considerably larger than the man helped her, got them back, and now she's gone. Okay, wow. No, now he's gone.

Then he got asked to leave. Yeah. I always knock on people in traffic for driving like idiots. Absolutely no qualms in calling the 5 star triple 5. Turns out one time it was worthwhile they called me back and said we just wanted to let you know, follow up, we road spiked the vehicle.

Oh, I would love to see a road spiking. Me too. Is it on your bucket list? It's on my list to be road spiked. That'd be a bit fun. And then just when the rubber comes off and you're just on the steel just trying to stop your car from zero. It's on my list to be road spiked. Yeah, that'll be a bit fun. Oh, here we go. And then just when the rubber comes off and you're just on the steel just trying to stop your car from

flipping over at high speeds. I reckon I can make it another kilometre. That's how much I back myself. Are the New Zealand police willing to let us be road spiked and see who can continue? Don't tell us when. No, I was thinking in a controlled condition.

Yeah, yeah. Do you know what? Like an old airport. You're getting rid of your old Honda soon. We could road spike it. Or you could road spike it. The thing is they have the newest part of the car. The tires are literally brand new for the War on a Fitness.

I need to see them through. Worth it. Let's put that on the list. Okay. I'll reluctantly put it on the list. Okay. I'll reluctantly put it on the list. Flat-footed Hayley, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Yes. Time for our silly little pole.

Today's silly little pole is asking a silly little question. Poop at a party? That's what we put to you over on Instagram. It's a real, it's a sin, isn't it? It's a no-go. You're on a no? I voted yes. Did you?

Yeah, man. An absolute emergency. It's an emergency only situation, isn't it? Absolutely No I mean, I I'm not a regular gal You know, the body tells me when it needs what it needs Yeah

And if that's in the middle of a party And sometimes it depends What are you drinking? If you're smashing the cans of Double Brown, you're in danger Sure So we asked you, pooping at a party, the results on Instagram, 62% said no way. Yeah. Which isn't that high.

38% of you, of course, said for sure. For sure. Get it out. Well, here's some feedback on that poll, pooping at a party. Katie replied. I mean, that's a fairly popular name. Yeah, could be anyone. I feel safe in saying this without outing her.

A non. Maybe give her last name. Yeah, yeah. Date of birth? Address. Correct that number? Sure. Whenever I drink, it just comes out of me.

But I take my partner into the bathroom with me so I can blame the smell on him when we leave. No, no, no, no. But here's the thing. People see the couple coming out of the toilet at the same time. They think there's been some hanky-panky. Yeah, yeah. But there's also the stink of booze. So now they've got a question.

In what order did that happen? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. I wee. I wee in front of Aaron. But you would never do number twos in front of a partner. No, no, no, no, no, no. I wee in front of Aaron. But you would never do number twos in front of a partner. No poopsies. No, no, no, no, no. Somebody said, I have been accused of a party poop. That's the worst.

I know, but I didn't party poop because I was drunk at a party and I thought I really wanted to take a bath. Then I remembered I'm at my house. Yeah. So I did take a bath and everyone kept knocking on the door saying, are you taking a poo in there? And I'd be like, no. But that makes it sound like you're taking a poo.

Okay, you can't have a party bath. No, you can't. Party bath is a – That's wild, man. When you're the only bathroom. Having a shower is weird enough in the middle of a party. Having a bath is psychopath material. That's a bit of noise.

It's like that song, Splish Splash, I Was Taking a Bath. Yeah. All about a Saturday night. Jumped out, rubbed up, tubbed, and there's a I was taking a bath. All about a Saturday night, jumped out, rub, dub, tub, and there's a party going on. Yeah. But then they get back in the bath when they realise there's a party in the house. They jump back in the bath.

Come out all pruney and hot, you freak. Melinda, again, a name I believe. Could be anyone. Could be anybody. That's not Melinda on the phone, is it? No, that's anonymous. That's anonymous. Melinda's story reads, it had been eight days since I had passed poo.

Okay. I was severely constipated. Melinda, we need some Metamucil or something. Yeah. Or some fibrin in the diet. Get some prunes back. Then I was a couple of days out from a friend's wedding and I started getting very wound up. And so then I think the nerves were holding it in.

I drank litres of prune juice the day before the wedding in an effort to flush. You only needed a cup. However, it did not work until they were cutting the cake. Now, I thought all attention on the bride and groom as they cut the cake. And then traditionally the first dance follows. So I thought, I've got time. So I went off to the bathroom and gave birth to a toddler-sized crap. That's their words. That's Melinda's.

Sweet Melinda. Sweet Melinda. Sweet poetic Melinda's words. Sweet constipated Melinda. A toddler-sized turn. Yeah. Turns out cutting the cake didn't take long and they weren't the sort of couple that did some over-the-top first dance. So when I came out, there was a queue building outside the bathrooms.

She's lucky the thing flashed, to be fair. As I exit the bathrooms, the groom and the hot guy that I was seated next to for the reception, who I absolutely had my eye on, were the first to greet me. And the eight-day stench that literally ran out the door ahead of me. Call an Uber. I'm going home. Yeah. I would have climbed out the bathroom window.

Yes, same. They were like, oh, hey. And then that turned to, hey. You've got to do that closer thing. I do not know who was in before me. That was already in there. That was already in there. You've got to say that.

Anonymous, good morning. Good morning. So, pipping at a party, what did you vote? I voted absolutely yes. Thank you. You're with me. Tell us why it's a yes for you. Well, I had a wee incident.

But that's why I voted yes. I'll tell you the wee story. Okay. I think I was in year 10, and I was going to a year 12 or 13 party. Okay. So I thought I was absolutely top shit. Yeah, cool girl, cool girl, cool girl. I was about, I think I was in year 10, and I was going to like a year 12 or 13 party. Okay. So I thought I was actually top shit. Yeah, cool girl, cool girl, cool girl. I was you, I was you.

I'm sure mom sent me on my way with some ciders or something, but we were drinking home through bourbon the majority of the night, and I was getting very drunk, and I was having an amazing time. But then all of a sudden, my tummy did a wee rumble, and I just knew it was going to be a bad time. I walked to the bathroom, and there were, like, five girls waiting in line, and then there were 10 people in the bedroom next door. So I didn't want to risk spanking out the whole house.

So I went outside, and I started pacing up and down the lawn, like, shallow breaths. Like, I'm just trying to breathe the pain away. But, like, this shit was coming coming and it was not going to stop. But thankfully, my best friend lived just down the road. So I called her and I asked her, like, can I come over and do a quick poo? And she was super mad because, like, it was really late. No, she wasn't.

But it was really late and she hung up on me and she ignored my other calls. But then she finally picked up. But by that time, I was already halfway to her house and I told her just open the door. I was already halfway out. Halfway done. I told her just open the door, wait for me.

But she decided to meet me and that was a bad choice. As I said, the poo was waiting for no one. And I was about like 50 metres away from her house and I shat my pants. No! The end was insane! That's the problem! That's the problem! When you tell your brain that you've got a solution.

Yes. It's like, now? It's like, okay then. Now? Okay, I'll begin the release process. And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, babe. That shuffling walk where you're getting like the stitch,

like the pinches, and you're like. Fully sweating as well. Yes. It was just. And I'm in like full on horror diarrhea. Oh, babe. Did she just shut the door? Did she shut the door on you well because she met

me i told her like stay away from me and halfway through her response she just caught her breath and gagged oh my god stay away from me what's that what how did how did we like a hose down or um well she took me out and i went to the toilet and I had a shower and she gave me some new undies and jeans so I could go back to the party. You're back to the party! And fucking her and me were going back to the party. Your party's over! You're going home! No, that's you for the night.

Did you turn back up and everyone was like, where have you been and whose pants are they? Yeah, well, like, I didn't want to leave my pants with my best friend, so she offered me a plastic bag and I thought... No, no, no, burn them, burn them. I was drunk and young and vulnerable, please. Hey, you find a bin and you put them in a bin, not a bin that's inside a house apartment bin. I didn't want to leave them with her, and I was young.

Bury them. Yeah. Yeah, I'd throw those out. I thought I'd just throw them in a bin at home, and my brother was picking me up, so he wouldn't judge me. So I popped them in a bag, and I left them on the side of the road to collect later. This story is not over.

What happened then? I went back to the party and lived my best party life. But then when it was time to go home, my brother came to pick me up, and I tried to look for the plastic bag so I could try and dispose of them along with my shame but they were gone.

And to this day you don't know where they've gone. Well, someone must have picked them up and taken them. There's no other option. In my mind,

a dog picked it up and took it home and like teared the bag to bits. Brought them into the lounge and wentowed down. And like, teared the bag to bits. Brought them into the lounge and went. And this just, someone's house is covered in shit. What a wild ride. Well, that's why you voted yes for, is it okay to poop at a party?

If you're going to shit yourself, you've got to poop at the party. You've got to poop at the party. That's an anonymous. What a wild ride, anonymous. Thank you so much. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Thank you so much. You might have noticed yesterday, you might have noticed,

4pm, we had a 4pm presser. Yeah. Live from New Plymouth, was it? Yeah, New Plymouth, yep. The hometown. I thought the funniest part of the presser was Chris Hipkins' face mask. Did you see it was like a comic?

Yeah, a comic book. You've got to change it up. I thought that it was very glary. Everybody was like a comic book. Yeah, it had comics on it. A comic book. You've got to change it up. I thought that it was very glary. Everybody was like squinting. Yeah, that's the famous New Plymouth overcast conditions. But then, like, could you imagine the Prime Minister doing a press conference with shades on? Yeah.

Like some big Karen Walkers? Just put up a cigarette. Have a big googly Karen Walkers on. I don't think it would have gone down well. What's up, dudes? Look, this isn't good. This isn't good at all. No. But of course she was updating us on

the impending and definite arrival of Omicron. It is here. What are their, I mean there's three confirmed cases yesterday but now they think there might be nine in Palmerston North. Well yeah, to our Palmy listeners, check out the locations of interest because I think there were about 20 of them. Yeah, not so

good. And basically what it means for New Zealand, having Omicron arriving, preparing for it, and the announcement, it wasn't a dramatic one, was it? No, just that they'll still use the traffic lights. We'll all go to red. We'll go to red, but no more lockdowns, she said. That's nice. So for this week's premiere,

the first ever Hayley's version, I've written a little song about Omicron and the version, I'm making a version of, what's the song? A, B, C, D, E, F, U. Yes. By Gayle. This is my version about Omicron. Give me my notes.

F, U, Omicron, Coming back when you were gone Sneaking in from overseas Making everybody sneeze F-U scary flu What the hell you about to do? I don't want your nasty cough Why don't you F off? We thought we could just try to avoid ya

But you snuck on in at the border. Now you're threatening to ruin the rest of summer. 660 ain't gonna play to the masses. You're gonna get a sleaze, that's what the news said. But can you wait a bit till I get boosted? Can we all wait for the supermarkets to get looted what do you want me to wipe my ass with

we were doing so well why did you show up now we're all already 10 kgs up from drinking during the day and never leaving the house to A B C D E F U Omicron coming me, Fletch and Vaughn

cancelling our dates from Tinder, adding stress to poor Jacinda. F, U, go to hell, take away my sense of smell, burn my skin with sanitiser, I'll burn you with Pfizer. Expecting thousands Fires are expecting thousands of cases. Keep those masks on those faces. A, B, C, D, E, F, U. F you, Omicron. Stay away. It's coming for us. You did that in one take. I did a little fumble in the middle there.

No one noticed the little fumble in the middle. I did not even notice. I was like, how are you doing this? Well, look, if we don't sing and laugh about Omicron, we will cry about it. Yasmin, good morning. Good morning. How are you?

Good, good. What's the fuel tank on at the moment? Oh, it's getting a bit low. I feel like everyone we ask this to is like right on E. Yeah, it's getting too expensive to buy. I know, and all the news headlines about it being like maybe $3 this year. I know. I didn't even think about that.

All right, well, the chance for you to win some free fuel now, the pump, our fuel pump will count up the dollar amount. You can say stop at any time and lock in that money. That fuel is yours. If the pump buzzes and cuts you off, you lose it all. Okay. All right, no pressure.

Let's go. $20. $20. $55. $55. $80. $115. $150. $150. You greedy little piggy.

I was too greedy. Yeah greedy little piggy. I was too greedy. Yeah, you snapped the trough. I was like, how high is it going to go? Like, what amount in your mind did you have? Were you going to stop at two? I think one more after that I would have stopped. Oh, yes. It's hard, though, because sometimes we've gone up to like 300.

And you don't know, the leaps are like sometimes tiny, and then the leaps are like 100 bucks up. Oh, it's too scary. I'm sorry. Don't you be sorry. It's because we're such a sidey every day. All right, well, your chance to have another go next week. ZMD Tank is back every day next week.

Monday, we'll kick it off again, seven o'clock and eight o'clock. Chance to win that free fuel. Friday Flashback. off again, 7 o'clock and 8 o'clock. Chance to win that free fuel. Well, it's an age-old tradition. We each take a turn each week picking a song that's at least 10 years old. Maybe a song we haven't heard for a while. It's got to be a banger. That's the rules.

Yeah. You're going to start this week, Hayley. Yeah, I'm starting. I'm kicking off the year with the first Friday flashback with a song. It's a banger. Okay. Was it a chart-topping hit? No.

It debuted at 87 on the top. Wow. Wow. I mean, they're on the chart. They're on the chart. 87. It reached 42, I think, in the UK, peaking at number 9 in America.

It's maybe number 16 in Australia and New Zealand. So it's not as... Okay, so we know it. We'll know it. And this is of course on the back of the announcement of the When We Were Young festival that is in Las Vegas this October. This festival would be

incredible. We all saw this poster and we're like, oh my God. It's so funny seeing people aged between like 44 and 35 sharing this and being like, if only. Hey, I'm 32, but I was a young emo. You were a young emo. Yeah, I got into this. So the lineup is incredible. Headliners are My Chemical Romance and Paramore.

There's Bring Me the Horizon, Taking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional, The Used. So many Avril Lavigne's in there. Jimmy Eat World. You think of an emo band. Dashboard Confessional. They're probably playing. Yes. It's a one-day festival.

It's so stressful. One-day festival, three stages, about 60 bands. I don't know how they're going to do it. So the song I've chosen uh is from 2007 it is of course from one of the headliners my chemical romance from their third studio album the black parade a great album oh good album yeah i thought it was appropriate this song because uh this reminds us of being teenagers will you be sharing the photo that you shared in the group chat? Yeah, I'll share it to social meds. I've shared a photo to the group chat.

How old were you in that? 15. 15. 15, I think, in that photo. A photo of me on my way to the Good Charlotte concert. Jet black hair. Smudged eyeliner. I rocked that look for another three years after that.

But the song, Get Down, Get On Down, Get Your Fringes Out and Bang Your Head Around, this is Teenagers by Biochemical Rays. ZM. Watch all the things you do. Because the drugs never work. They're gonna give you a smirk. Cause they got methods of keeping you clean. They're gonna rip up your head. Your aspirations to shreds. Another cog in the murder machine.

They said I'll take it as a scare. To live and shoot out of these. They can care less as long as someone will bleed. Outro Music names at the stick you're never gonna fit in much kid but if you're troubled and hurt what you got under your shirt will make them pay for the things that they did they said see that you're scared believe the shit out of me

ain't it careless as long as I'm out of bleed so dark in your post I'll drive up by your lip I'm waiting to leave you alone But not me They said I'm Teenager scared

The living shit out of me Think you're careless As long as someone will bleed So dark in your clothes I'll strike a violent pose Maybe they'll leave you alone But not me I'm together now

Teenager scared The living shit together now See that you're scared, believe in shit that I mean Think you can last as long as I want to be So talk in your bones, I'll strike the violent bones Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me See that you're scared, believe in shit that I mean Think you can last as long as I want to be I think that you're scared But a little bit shocked out of me Make you care less I'm talking so out of me So talk in your book

I'll sign your violin book Maybe they'll leave you alone But not me It's your Friday flashback, My Chemical Romance Teenagers on ZM. My black bleeding heart is beating very hard after that song. Great song. Great song. Great song. Good first one of the year, that.

It's good to rock out the cobwebs a little bit, isn't it? Yep. Some feedback. I knew I rostered myself in on a Thursday night shift for a reason. Best song to hear. Headbang on the motorway too. So that's someone heading home from night shift. That'll get you home.

That'll get you home. That'll put you to sleep when you get home. You'll be all hopped up. Yeah. People in the car next to me look very concerned for me That'll get you home That'll get you home That'll put you to sleep When you get home You'll be all hopped up Yeah People in the car Next to me Look very concerned for me Because I'm

Banging out like a crazy Somebody else said They're at the gym And that song Really gave them A little bit of Oh my god I'm adding it to my gym

Playlist right now Great BPM Great BPM For a little Running Feels like a good running song It might not be Am I wrong?

No no Because you're either going It's slow Teenagers can't Bassist Or you're going Teenagers can't No but it like a good running song. It might not be. Am I wrong? No, no, because you're either going... It's slow. Teenagers' care. Bassist. Or you're going, teenagers' care. No, but it's a good weightlifter.

Bassist strides. Good weightlifter song. Yeah. Yep, people liked it. Somebody said, well, I guess there's always next week. But then next week is Fletcher's, so don't hold your breath. Let's not start that. I'm adding it to the playlist right now. It has a BPM of 112.

112, too slow. BPM matching is 120, so you want to be running about 140. Okay. 140, what songs were at 140? Crazy for old men. Sandstorm, the only song you will ever need. Yeah. All right, it's 11 past eight.

A study's been done. There has been a study that looks into when you realised you were turning into your mother or father. And I remember this moment as well. Mine's all about hosting. You know when you sort of realise, oh my gosh, I am Patsy. I have become my mother. Mine was when hosting

because my mum's such a great host. She's, you know, always got the platters. She puts it on. Music's on, doors open, but she makes it look so like, oh hi, oh. Oh, effortless hosting. Drives me nuts Oh I think I've got a little bit of Quince paste in the fridge Yeah

Here's a platter that I've just got here Oh just slap something together On this beautiful mahogany board Why don't you turn up unannounced She ready She ready She ready She got a wine fridge

She got a cheese section She ready She ready She's ready So they've pinpointed the exact age Exact age It's different for men and women She's got a wine fridge. She got a cheese section. She ready. She ready. She's ready. So they've pinpointed the exact age. Exact age. It's different for men and women, but very subtly.

For women, they came out from the survey, the results were for women, 33 years of age. I'm 32. I realised it maybe five years ago. That's when you become your mum. When you really become that person. Right. When you fold things their way, when you talk their way, when you have that tone in your mum. When you really become that person. Right. When you fold things their way, when you talk their way, when you have that tone in your voice. I'm sure a lot of people

hear it in their parenting maybe. Definitely. For minutes they turn into their fathers later, 34. Oh, pretty close. Yeah. Yeah, pretty close. Oh, definitely. You hear that tone and you go. I can remember as a kid my parents like not being fussed on

catching up with friends. They'd be like, oh, they're having a barbecue. But they'd be like, eh, nah. And they'd stay at home. And I was always like, what is right? Come on. Let's go play with the other kids. And yeah, dad, you like having a beer?

Why don't you have a beer? And they'd be like, ah, got to get up and milk cows tomorrow. And it blew my mind. Now, I totally get it. I totally get it. You get invited to a social function. And I. Now, I totally get it. I totally get it. You get invited to a social function and I'm like, eh, take it or leave it. Yeah. Well, you became your dad.

I'm like, eh. You became your dad 10 years ago. Oh, ages ago. My parents are way more social now. Yeah. Than they were when they had like young kids and stuff. Yeah, because they're not exhausted. Yeah, totally.

I totally get it. They're just like, nah, take it or leave it. I definitely felt the moment of becoming my mother when I went into resins during my first renovation and really had a tough time deciding between half black white and just black white. Oh my God, whites. There's 10,000 types of whites. Double black white, but that's nearly grey. You know, so that was a moment for me.

You were like, oh my God, I'm my mother. I am Patsy. Patsy Ann. So we wanted to ask you, listeners, when was the moment you realised you were becoming your mother or becoming your father? Yeah, maybe it was in, you know, you could be in your 20s and it's already happened.

Yeah, you're nesting like they are or in the way you parent or the way you drive, perhaps. Maybe you've been calling the police on some boy racers. It's such a patsy move. Well, you've been doing that with your old neighbours, dobbing them in. I have been. We talked about narking earlier. I'm a nark from way back.

All right, well, give us a call. 0800 DALES at M. I want to take your calls now. You can text as well, 9696. When did you realise you were becoming your parents? So a study's been done it's pinpointed the exact age that men and women turn into their

parents, either their mother or their father. Deciphered women turn into their mothers around 33, men into their fathers around 34. I'm 32 and I thought I'd already become my mum so I don't know what's in store. You reckon that they've put it too high? I think a little bit high but you so I don't know what's in store. You reckon that they've put it too high? I think a little bit high, but, you know, I don't know.

Maybe we are getting our stuff together a little bit later on in life. Some messages in. Hello, I'm 27 and I'm becoming my mother because I look forward to a wine after work. My mum has got me into buying her favourite Prosecco, which you can only buy at one bottle shop in our town. Now my sister buys it and the shop owner's like, wow, your whole family comes in here and buys that.

That's a problem with a small town. They know your drinking habits. Yeah, they do. Yeah. It's taken me 46 years, but I can finally drink a bottle of wine every night for weeks, just like my role model, my 75-year-old mother. She's pickled.

So I'm not even worried about COVID getting her. Anna. Imagine how pickled you'd have to be if COVID gets in and it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. No. We have been in billions of people around the world. What the hell is going on in here? Let's go to tell him Prosecco.

We'll do that. Anna, when did you realise, what age did you realise you were becoming your mother? Yeah, I definitely think the age is too high. I was actually at uni, so I was like 21, 22. And I was nannying some kids after school. And I'd give them afternoon tea and then whenever they, between afternoon tea and dinner, they always wanted food.

And they'd always say they're hungry and I'd always say, well, you can have a piece of fruit. And that is what my mum used to say to me all the time and I hate it. And then would your mum say, and I'd go, I don't want a piece of fruit. And my mum would say, well, you can't be hungry. Yeah, exactly. That is exactly. Oh my gosh.

Or you wanted like Raro or Fizzy and there'd be like plenty of water in the tap. Plenty of water in the tap. Yes. Which actually now in in the tap. Yes. Which actually now in 2022 is not so true. Because Earth's drying up. We've got a lot of drought. Because we drank too much. Just give us Raro.

Thanks for your call. Sarah, when did you realise you were becoming your mother? I realised I was becoming my mother when I started enjoying going to the garden centre. Oh, yes! But how good are those big, flat trolleys with the handles that also steer at the front that you drag around a garden centre?

Oh, well, it starts out where you try and just, you know, just use your arms and hands. Yeah, I know, yeah, it's a fool's. There's too many, and so you just, you always have to end up going and getting something to carry your plant. Yeah, I know, it's a fool's. It's too many and so you just, you always have to end up going and getting something to carry your plant. Yeah. I always remembered

as kids would get dragged to garden centres and I hated it. I hated it if there wasn't a fish pond to look at the fish in. That would keep me 15, 20 minutes

at the fish pond at the garden centre. The trolleys? Yeah. And only if you were allowed to play on them. If you were told, if there was a sign that said

children aren't allowed to pull the trolleys or play on the trolleys, I was just like, yeah, I'll show you. And now you're allowed to play on them. If you were told, if there was a sign that said, children aren't allowed to pull the trolleys or plant the trolleys, I was just like, yeah, I'll show you. And now you're just like, oh, now where would this plant go in my house? Oh, yeah. I'll have that. Hey, thanks for your call, Sarah.

Ashley, when did you realise you were becoming your mother? Well, it was actually maybe about a year ago, so I'm not even 20 yet. Oh, okay. And my mum's quite OCD with cleaning. Okay. And I still live with my parents, so my sisters make a mess,

don't care about it, and it really frustrates me. So I go around cleaning up everything behind them, and doing the dishes, and come home from work at 5 o'clock, and clean the whole house and everything. What's your pet peeve? Is it clothes on the floor? It's clothes on the floor, toothpaste in the sink.

Oh, yeah. You have people that spit their toothpaste into the sink and then don't give it a rinse after. I know. Monsters. Except for sisters, it ends up on the mirror as well. Your poor sister, though, must hear it from you and mum. Oh, definitely. Wow, you're the perfect person to flat with too

Yeah No because I'm nagging She's like guys guys guys coasters coasters Respect the wood You've always got to respect the wood Ashley thanks for your call some messages in I realised I was turning into my parents When I would turn the TV on

Five minutes before the news started. In preparation for watching the news. But that's good now because you get the last bit of The Chase. That's the only bit of The Chase I ever watch is the last round. You've got to watch the whole thing. You don't need to know their teams. I've never watched an episode of The Chase from the start. Start to end.

I just do the last thing. That changes today. You have to. You've got to watch the whole thing. I've got no time for that. You haven't had the roller coaster before the final day. No, no, I don't need it. Oh, no, you definitely do.

You definitely do. When did you realise you were turning into your parents? Someone said, I realised I was turning into my dad last year when I was walking around the house turning lights off in rooms that people weren't in and shutting the doors to stop the flies coming in while saying the phrase, we don't live in a tent people.

That's good, I haven't heard that. Have you never heard we don't live in a tent? We don't live in a tent, no. We don't live in a tent or were you born in a tent? We weren't a camping family. We weren't either but it was just a You don't need to be a camping family to enjoy it. Queen's Margaret people don't talk about tents. No, no, no. We don't either but it was just a You don't need to be a camping family to enjoy Queens Margaret people

don't talk about tents No, no, no They do glamping or private cabins We don't live in a palace I think was the We don't live in an open-ended palace

Yeah Somebody else said I started falling asleep the minute I sat down on the couch Oh, that's how you know That's a real dad That was when I knew

I was turning into my dad Literally every time I open my mouth to tell off my kids, I can hear my mother coming out. It's the tone, eh? I can hear it when I tell off Aaron. We don't have kids. My mum tells my dad off though. I totally get

that. I get told off at the same time. So I guess I'm becoming my father by just rolling my eyes as long as they can't see. As long as they can't, yeah, yeah. You never roll your eyes when you see everything. What things do you tell your fiancee off for in that tone? Toilet paper on the stick. Empty rolls.

Or like takes the roll off, puts a new one on, but puts the empty one on the sink. On the toilet. Yeah. Yeah, but he saved that for arts and crafts. He might want to make a pair of fun binoculars later on. Yeah, that's not his fault. My mum never let us play with toilet rolls. Well, it's a high-teen thing.

Yeah, totally. They don't get poo particles on them. Yeah, she was like, Auntie, that toilet roll goes straight in the bin and then you've got to wash your hands after you touch it. My toothbrush is about a metre from the toilet. I'd be more worried about that with the poo particles. Poo particles going in.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Wordle. Got it on my fourth guess today. How many was I on my very first time playing Wordle? Second or third? Third.

Yeah, that's pretty good. I think Hayley assisted you there. No, no, no, I didn't. No, she didn't. I had a peep and he was 80% there. Yeah, I used my first word. Because he went to a Decile 1 school and you went to Queen Margaret. Excuse me, I thought it was you really trying to help the unfortunate.

Don't education shame him. It was an easy one. To be honest, I did go to a decile one school, but I know the right there, there, and, you know. There. There, there, and there. There's three there's. There, there, there.

There. There. There. Yes, but you say them all the same. Do you say here, hair, and... And har. I don't go... I'm going to get a har cut.

Where is it? Right here. Well, today's Fact of the Day is about Wordle. Okay. Everybody's talking about Wordle. Everybody's... For those that don't know, you get one go a day. Or one word a day.

One word a day, and you've got to guess it within five attempts. Six. Or six attempts, yeah. Six attempts. It's always a five-letter word. I was talking about Wordle yesterday, and my wife said, why is it called Wordle? Okay, why? Well, that is part of today's fact of the day. Let us in.

It was invented by Josh Wardle. Josh Wardle is a computer programmer, and he created this game for him and his partner, Palak. The game was made in October, and they had such fun playing it, they were like, we should put this online. And it was made public in October, and now it's everywhere. But I feel like, have they monetised it? Because the app isn't officially the Wordle app

and there's no advertising on the site. They need to make a money, like an advertising heavy app. Like you've got this game that the entire world is playing. You've got to watch eight ads for eight other apps before you're allowed to enjoy the app. Eight 30-second ads. Yeah. So listen to this.

The game continues to work with a randomization algorithm that uses a word from a randomly ordered list of 2,315 words. Even Josh Wardle, who created Wordle, doesn't know what word is going to pop up the next day. So he also gets to enjoy the game even though he created it. He gets to play it. Oh, okay. They're going to need more words soon though

because it's blowing up at the moment. That's only a few years worth. Yeah. Okay, so a day ago in a news article, Wardle, the creator, said the game doesn't make money. There are no ads and it's free to play. It's not even at Wardle.com. What's it at?

Power something. Is this guy like the smartest but the dumbest person in the world? I think it's just a good human that wants people to enjoy something without having to sit through the punish of ads or pay for the enjoyment of. And it's what the world needs more of. The ad could just be at the bottom of the page. It's communism.

Is it right? And I personally won't stand for it. Okay, right. How dare fun not cost somebody something. I just, I can't believe it. In the supply chain of my fun, someone's not suffering? Yeah. It's not fun for me anymore.

Someone's got to suffer and someone's got to get paid. Yes. And they can't be the same person. No, no, no, no, no, no. The person that's suffering can't get paid. It's the person who's getting paid can also experience zero suffering. Although, at the slightest inconvenience, they will be happy to tell you they are suffering. Oh, hard, hard.

Yeah, that's my rule with the person making most money out of fun or capitalism. That's my rule. Okay, so do you know how when we were playing Wordle, you downloaded the app accidentally, and then you were like, this isn't Wordle, Hayley? Yes. Well, apparently the guy

that has the Wordle app received over 150 downloads in just a few short days and he was like, what's going on here? Yeah. And he's made all this money. But what does Wordle do? I didn't check it out. I downloaded it and then said, I'm downloading the app

and then you guys were all like, it's not an app. So I instantly deleted it without seeing what it was. It's been around for five years. And apparently he's donated money. So he had an idea for an app. Did it? Nothing happened. And then randomly

it has happened. Yes. But it's purely out of a mistake. Yeah. Wordle needs to pay this guy out. Give them a little bit of... Well, they don't have any money though. They're not... He's not making any money.

The guy that has the Wordle app has donated to charity a lot of the money that has come in. Oh, that's nice. Because I would have kept that and just been like, ha. I would have got a nice new jacket or something. Or talk to Wordle

about making Wordle into Wordle. Sorry, say that sentence again. Get Wordle to making Wordle into Wordle. Sorry, say that sentence again. Get Wardle to make Wordle into Wordle. Wordle into Wordle, yeah. Yeah. And then go halfies or at least get a cut. Have a share. Have a share.

You're not entitled to halfies. These people don't want to make money. What's wrong with them? But also he could make his own app called Wordle. No, but this guy's got an app called Wordle. An app called Wordle. Yeah. Could he make his app Wardle?

There must be apps with the same names. I don't know. It could be Wardle's Wordle. That's what it could be called, Wardle's Wordle, because his name is Wardle. Have you played Wardle's Wordle today? Yeah. What did you get for Wardle's Wordle Wordle of the Day?

It was water. Yeah. Sure. Wardle's Wordle Wordle of the Day. I didn't get it. Didn't use a W, you see. So today's fact of the day is the reason Wordle is called Wordle is because the surname of the inventor is Wardle.

Wardle. Fact of the day, day, day, phone and topic. And do you know what? It's never been impossible. But I think today, with the way Kiwis are, I think we may have found our first ever impossible phone-in topic. Yeah, the humble pie Kiwi. I don't know about this one.

Well, this is not a Kiwi. This is an American, and this is why she is not humble. Her name is Elizabeth Chevalier. Sure it is. She's 27 years old from San Diego, California, and she's a Playboy and Maxim model. She obviously has a very big social media following. Because of that, 2 million people follow her on social media.

However, when it comes to dating, she says it is near impossible because I'm just too beautiful. Hear me out. She said there's many factors. I'm very tall. Maybe people are intimidated. She's 5'10". Yeah.

5'11". Take that. Take that, Maxim model. She said, I'm very sweet, but people have a hard time looking and talking to me. So when she goes on a date, they fumble around. They can't say anything. Because she's so hot. Absolutely.

She said, dating is so hard. Guys are scared because I'm so beautiful. So she's been single for six months. Well, she gave it some time. Six months! Cry me a river. Six months she's been single. She's looking for a man.

It's absolutely impossible because she's just too damn beautiful. And guys are intimidated. Intimidated by her beauty. But they can't string a sentence together. She said when they get there, they're used to seeing her in bikinis and lingerie and then she's there on a date wearing her, you know, her civvies and they can't speak to her because they're just overwhelmed

and I just keep imagining her in a, I'll call it a bikini, but a piece of string. It's probably the best. Right. So the impossible finding topic today. Yeah, we want to know if any of you have a hard time dating because you are too beautiful.

You're just so beautiful that it's hard to find a genuine lover. Even that article's British, right? The article that this came from is British. This is a very... She's...

It's American. She's American. Oh, she's from California. I beg your pardon, I thought it was British. The British are very similar to us. Very similar. You daren't say you're too good looking for anything. Oh God she's from California. I beg your pardon, I thought it was British. The British are very similar to us. Very similar. You daren't say you're too good looking for anything.

Oh God, no, no, no. You get mowing down. Tall poppy syndrome. Tall poppy syndrome. We love it. But it's good. It keeps you humble, doesn't it? It does.

But not the Americans. They're more than happy to say that they're too beautiful and that's why it's so difficult to date. So, yeah, we want to know from you this morning for the Impossible Phone-In topic, do you find dating hard because you're too hot? You're too beautiful? You're too hot.

And maybe people are intimidated by your height? By your looks? Or they just sum you up by the shape of your parts, basically. Yeah. So all they can see is how hot you are and that's sort of all they're interested in. They don't get to know the real you.

13 minutes away from nine. Well, the impossible phone-in topic, guys. I think we've finally, finally done it. Found an impossible one. And do you know how we did it?

New Zealanders are humble. We're humble. We're tall poppy. Yep. Even if you do think that you are too hot to date, you wouldn't say it. Like this model.

Like this model who shared that she has a hard time dating because she's too beautiful. People are totally intimidated by it. We asked you, are you too beautiful? Or do you have a hard time dating because you're so attractive? And how many phone calls have we had? I can't believe it's taken this, not even texts about it. And normally it's always happened. Even when we said, have you ever

landed on something that wasn't a runway? So many messages. Tens of, twenties of calls. What do you land on? Tens of thousands of calls. Anyone's going to believe that. Tens to tens of calls. Tens to twenties of calls. Somewhere in the bracket of under one hundredths of calls.

Under one hundredths of calls. Ones and ones and ones of calls. But more than this. More than this. With the hot people. Well, I think it's time to engage in our first impossible phone and topic pivot. Oh, okay. Where we say, well, this girl said her hotness was holding her back and dating.

I want to know if anybody listening can identify what is hampering their dating life. The specifics. Yeah. What can you identify as, maybe it's when you bring it up on a date, it all gets ground to a halt. When they see your third nipple. Yeah, yeah. You'll find someone who's into a third nipple.

Keep looking. Maybe you've got terrible halitosis and you know it, but you just don't want to go to the dentist. Oh. I was looking at you, but I wasn't thinking of you. Just go to the dentist. Okay, all right. So I'll wait to hear from Diles at M-Texan as well.

9696. What is hampering your dating life? What is keeping you single and stopping you getting ready to mingle? So we're talking about what's hampering your dating. After the impossible phone-in topic of, are you too hot to date proved impossible. So we finally did that. Yes, finally.

Finally did that. No Kiwi is ever going to put their head up and say, I am too hot. I find it hard to date. Yeah. And not just date, but connect with someone. So what's hampering your dating life? Some classic. Yep.

Because this is what I replied to the Instagram story, and Carmen told me to stop being such a dad but we've had quite a few people say my wife keeps getting in the way. I love her. Don't get me wrong, I love her. I love her to bits. She's hampering you. She won't let me get a girlfriend. What are you guys doing later?

Not hanging out. Somebody said, my fugliness. Oh. That's your confidence. You're not fugly. That's your confidence. There's something out there for everybody. But Quasimodo.

He found someone in a Disney movie. Why'd you point at me? You said Quasimodo ingested. Oh, no. That wasn't gesturing at you. Very rude. So rude. But while we're on the subject,

Quasimodo here certainly has no issue getting his slice of the pie. Is it my posture? It is your posture. No, it's the fact that you live in an old cathedral and ring the bell all the time. Yeah. Your spine's just straight as you like. Slightly off-putting.

Straight as an arrow. Somebody said, I think people get scared of me because I'm a big intimidating character. Oh, okay. But underneath it, just a big softie. Maybe a big softie. Mid six foot range and a rugby player. I keep talking.

Oh, poor big strong man who plays rugby struggles to find girls in New Zealand. Give me a... There's got to be something else! Isn't that like a top-five type of guy white girls look for? Yes! A rugby player? When you said mid-six-foot, I was like, keep her talking.

Playing rugby, he's strong and he's broad. Keep her talking. Rosie, what's hampering your dating life? Or is it your friends? It's my friend. She really struggles with this guy being too nice. I've heard about this. I've heard about nice guys.

Yeah. They have a hard time. He's way too nice to her and he, like, takes her on really cute dates. She's just like, I can't do it. He's too nice. She needs a bad boy. She wants a little bit of spice. But like,

how bad? Does she want a guy that's on home detention? Yeah. Or like, does she want a white? No, no, no. It's just like,

he's oddly nice. Like, he takes her on like, really awesome dates and she's just like, this is not normal. Yeah, yeah. It sounds horrid.

It sounds awful. something's odd. You need to get in this guy's ear. Give him a couple of pointers. Point the right way. I tell you what, she'd love, by the sounds of it.

She'd love if she went around to his house and he was playing Fortnite with the boys on a Friday night and he ignored her for five hours. Yeah, then asked her to whip something up in the fridge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I honestly love being ignored for a little bit. I think there's some beers in the fridge. Could you grab me one? Tits?

There's only one left. G'day, tits. Get us a beer. Get us a beer, will you, tits? You need to get in this guy's ear. Yeah. Get our tits. Get us a beer. Get us a beer with your tits. You need to get in this guy's ear. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Awesome.

Rosie, thanks for your call. Shazza, what's a hamper in your dating life? I am 6'2", and I'm a rugby player. Well, we'll get you with the guy from before. Yeah, the big guy. From before. A couple of units. Yeah, I message through, player. Well, we'll get you with the guy from before. Yeah, the big guy. We'll get you with the guy from before. A couple of units. Yeah, I messaged through too.

Oh my God, this is a love match. It could be. Yeah, this could be a love match. You both like rugby. You play. You both play. You're both tall. Yeah.

So you just find dating guys, would most of them be shorter than you as well? Yeah, but it would be like they're at chest height. I mean, good for them, but... There's plenty of men over six foot, though. Plenty of men over six foot. I know. I hate to say as well, Shazza, I took the biggest one. I've got a six foot six man, but I'm only 5'11".

Maybe we should do a swap. Oh, perfect close fight. Yeah, perfect. Swapping's a whole other conversation. Yeah, that's... Perfect post-part. Yeah, perfect. Swapping's a whole other conversation. Yeah, yeah, sorry. We don't know each other yet. Yeah. Shaz, thanks for your call.

Some messages in. Somebody said that their children are hindering their dating life. I finally went on a date with a nice guy, and my oldest called me saying that the middle child had set the kitchen on fire, so I had to leave the date. Come on, guys. You've got to work with mum. Work with mum.

Yeah. Do you want a cool stepdad or not? Yeah, do you want a cool stepdad with a batch or not? Maybe they saw the guy. They did it. Maybe they saw the guy that was taking mum out on a date, and the car wasn't up to scratch, and he didn't have a boat. Yeah.

They learn a bit about his background. They're like, that's not the stepdad for us. Set the kitchen on fire. Maybe they shook his hand, and he had a floppy handshake, and they went, no, I'm setting the kitchen on fire. There's certainly no way a man with a floppy handshake would be marrying or fornicating with my mother. Absolutely not. I'm sorry, but my mother needs a stiff

man in both hand and crotch. Sir, floppy wet fish man. Only fair. Somebody said, hampering dating, I'd say my personality is the most spectacular form of contraception I'm aware of. That's rough. Good sense of humour though. Yeah, see, good sense of humour.

Hayley messaged in, not this Hayley, another Hayley, saying that my problem is that I can find something wrong with every person I meet. So I'm really good at that as well. Because there's so much wrong with every single person. Yeah. Because it's hard being so perfect.

Other than me, of course. Yeah. Courtney said I was a list. Because it's hard being so perfect. Other than me, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Courtney said, I get annoyed when people message me. That's hard. That's hard. Wow. And Courtney's like to her friends, why hasn't he messaged me back? Yeah, yeah. Stop messaging me. Katie said,

it's me. I'm my own problem. I keep falling for red flags. I thought you were about to say redheads. I was like, nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with a bit of red action. No, yeah. Henry said, my full body rash that I've had since October. Honestly.

Pity, riosis, rosia. What about it? Okay, well, I didn't mean to laugh. What is that? You both are like psoriasis. Is it psoriasis? P-I-T-Y-A-S-I-S. P-I-T-Y-A-S-I-S.

Is that how you spell psoriasis? P-I-T-Y-A-S-I-S. No. That's a real... Psoriasis has got an O-S at the front. I think that's psoriasis. No, psoriasis is P-S-O-R-I-A-S-I-S. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

S-O-R-I-A-S-I-S. Right. Picociriasis. Pityriosis rosier. Yeah, that's horrible. I've had like a little bit of that, the psoriasis stuff. It's horrible. Oh, here we go.

Pitiriosis. We're looking it up to see if it's that bad, mate. Rosier. And I'll tell you. We'll probably be able to suck it up together. Could you get a lotion? Oh, yeah. Is it ringworm?

It's sort of ringy. No, it'd say ringworm. No, that's not ringworm. That's a whole body. No, it's not ringworm. No, that's not ringworm. That's a whole body. No, it's not that bad. Have you tried some pine tassel? I got pine tassel when I got shingles. Yeah.

And sometimes it makes you feel cold and tingly. Sometimes I just have a shower with pine tassel now and I walk out and Shade's like, you smell terrible. Like a Christmas tree. You smell like a Christmas tree. They should try a bit of Reiki as well. I hear that clears it up. Yeah, that'll do a whole bunch of...

You know, people with an incurable rash love to be told by people what, you know... Absolutely. Have you tried? Yeah. Have you tried kawa kawa? Yes. Kawa kawa bombs, actually. Oh, don't get me started.

As an eczema sufferer, don't get me started. I'm just thinking of slight inflammation of something. All right. No. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.