ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 22nd March 2022

Episode Date: March 21, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, try the refreshing McCafe iced coffee, available now at Macca's. Another thing available at Macca's is little sachets of tomato sauce. I love a tomato sauce. Do you know what? When did it become acceptable to go to a pub and you don't get tomato sauce, you only get aioli?

Instead of the ramekin. Yeah. Honestly, I'd rather have aioli over ramekin. I'd like it to be there as an option, but you have to have tomato sauce. If you're having fries, get a grip. I'm constantly like, thank you, can I have tomato sauce? Yeah. Can I have tomato sauce?

You've got to, yeah, aioli's a great option. Well, tomato sauce on the agenda because, Producer Jared, you've been influenced to change after a lifetime of brand loyalty. You've been influenced to change. Yeah. So the middie and I went out for an early lunch and I ordered a burger. Gorgeous. We call an early lunch a brunch.

Well, no, because I had a burger So it's not a brunch meal That's a lunch meal She had a benny of some kind She had a breakfast You're not on the same page You're a combined brunch Okay so you can say brunch

So we were brunching Yeah I thought you were That was my guess all along Yeah And the I thought you were. That was my guess all along. Yeah. And the restaurant worker brought out my burger and my fries, but he brought out my pottle of sauce, and it wasn't red. It was white.

And I was like, this isn't tomato sauce. So I waltzed back up, and I said, excuse me, sir, could I please have some Thomas sauce? And he was like, yep, but they don't usually let us um give out tomato sauce without people asking so for you i'm going to give you a special treat and he pulled out this like separate bottle of tomato sauce and he said i'm gonna crack the good stuff oh gosh what was the good stuff i'll get to that oh my god what a tease the anticipation i'm just pressing that little fast forward 15 seconds button, trying to get through all this blathering that Vaughn's doing.

I just need to know what the sauce is doing. Skip again. That's another 15 seconds. I have to do another full 15 seconds, otherwise I'm going to come back halfway through Jared's announcement. I think this is another 15 seconds. Go, Jared, go! Del Mane tomato sauce.

What? Del Mane tomato sauce. Oh, do, do, do, do, do. Welcome to the... What the go! Del Mane tomato sauce. What? Del Mane tomato sauce. Oh, do, do, do, do, do, do. Welcome to the... What the fuck is Del Mane tomato sauce? It's spicy. I will have seen it.

I will have seen it. Oh, okay. I've just Googled it. It's the best. And it's not like smooth tomato sauce. It's like that bitsy kind of stuff.

It almost looks a bit in texture. It looks from the photo almost a bit like sweet chilli sauce-esque in texture. People would have tried this. People would have seen this. It looks from the photo almost a bit like sweet chilli sauce-esque. People would have tried this. People would have seen this. It's got a green label, like a kind of foresty green label.

I've had other Delmaine products. I feel like I've had Delmaine pasta sauce before. They do a tomato paste. I've had their tomato paste. It's a European-style tomato sauce with a rich and aromatic taste. Aromatic taste. There's a lot going on, eh? Rich and savoury.

I like the first way you said it better, Fletch. Aromatic. Aromatic. Aromatic. Oh, you're coming up with that aromatics. Do you know what it is? It's got tamarind in it. Oh, yum.

Secret ingredient. And it's got garlic, capsicum, onion, treacle. Not just sugar. I'm talking treacle. It's so good, eh, Joe? Yeah, onion, treacle, not just sugar. I'm talking treacle. It's so good, eh, Joe? Yeah, it's lovely. It's like flavoursome and spicy and sweet. Is it heading down the sweet chilli sauce path?

No, no, no, no. You're well off. It's firmly in the Thomas sauce camp. You're in another fucking sauce, mate. You're miles off here. What about a Whitlock's tomato chutney? Yes, that's my fave. That's a great tomato sauce.

Similar vein, but this tastes way better. Yeah, look, I've had both. Okay. Delmaine's my sauce of choice. What were you pre this influence? Are you a Waddy's piece of shit? I was a Waddy's piece of shit. You're a Waddy's piece of shit?

That's bloody Kiwi tomato sauce right there. That's disgusting. It's the most basic of sauces. Of course it is, but that's all you need. If you're not hitting Delmaine. No, no, there's a more basic sauce, that runny carnival sauce. If you're not hitting Delmaine. No, there's a more basic sauce, that runny carnival sauce. If you're not hitting Delmaine, you need to either be hitting

sweet sugar carnival sauce or Whitlocks. It's the only way. What is runny, sweet carnival sauce? Like your hot dog dipper. That's like your Whitlocks though, isn't it? No. That's the closest you get is your Whitlocks. Yes, because it's sweet. It's sweeter.

Yeah, it is. Whitlock's is like a chunky. Whitlock's has got a bit of chunk to it. Delmaine's got chunk for days. What I'm saying is that the fairground sauce doesn't have chunks. Now that we're on the fairground sauce, how do they make the fairground sauce that kind of like fizzy, acidic, like... I think it's piss.

You just had off sauce. I think it's piss. It's piss. It's car's piss. You just had off-sauce. I think it's piss. It's piss. It's carny piss. It's sort of like yellowy, tangy, citrusy piss taste. Now, Jared, this does put you in a bit of a one percenter category because this is retailing at $4.99 a bottle. Not at my supermarket.

It was cheaper than the Watties. Yes. Really? At my yellow supermarket. It might have been on sale. Producer Anna is raising her hand, wanting to put a vote in for Cully's tomato sauce. They do a great range of...

Cully's hot sauces are made in Aotearoa, New Zealand. I've got a... Award winning. You've got to tip your hat to their hot sauces and barbecue rubs are fantastic, but I've never had their tomato sauce. But if we're talking about the 1%, Cully's is bougie as.

Delmaine's still basic enough to be acceptable. Cully's, the original tomato sauce is $4.99 for a box at New World. That's not too... How big is this box? But that doesn't seem too 1%. What makes Cully's superior to you, Anna? It's very sweet. It's almost like rejuvenating when you have it.

Like it really revitalises the trip. Have you dabbled in Delmaine? Of course. I've dabbled in all of them. You go Carly's. I would say that Carly's is superior, yes. I'm team Delmaine with Jared. This could be a good Friday ranking. And we'll have them in studio and we'll have some hot chips and we'll do the dip and taste.

Yeah, that's a great idea. This Friday this seems like a good welcome back. Because your diet's out the window now. I think, yeah. I think Thursday's my release day, so that'll be when I have a blowout. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you can't go back to the gym because of long COVID. So you're probably like stacking on the pounds. Oh my God, you're going to be such a roly-poly. Why don't we use your COVID kitty that you won, Fletch, to buy the sauces and the chips? Yeah, roly poly Why don't we use your COVID kitty that you won, Fletch To buy the sauces To buy the sauces and the chips Yeah, that's a hot idea Where are we going to get a good hot chip at that time of the morning, though? Oh, that time it won't ever have to be McDonald's

It'll have to be a takeaway, yeah Well, I'll show a sponsor Yeah Yeah, they'll Step right up Step right up, exactly Domain Delicious

Woodlocks Woodlocks, chunky chutney What is Oh, they do the pasta sauces, yeah Yeah, they do Oh, they do it all, mate Del Mane. Delicious. Woodlocks. Woodlocks chunky chutney. Wadis. Oh, they do the pasta sauces. Yeah, they do. Oh, they do it all, mate. That's what I've had, the Del Mane. It's true Italiano.

Hey, I forgot about it. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Happy Tuesday. Happy Tuesday, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fleets, Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Happy Tuesday. Happy Tuesday indeed.

Did that sound believable? Well, semi-believable. Now when you drag your vowels like that, it feels like you're dragging your heels. Happy birthday. Happy Tuesday. Happy Tuesday. Yeah. You were like Happy Tuesday

All the vowels Yeah were just like you Like you know when you were a kid And you'd be like Walking slow and dragging your feet Your mum would be like Pick up your feet Oh yeah

And stop scuffing your shoes Stop scuffing Your happy Tuesday Was the equivalent of that walk And I'll be your mother You pick up your vowels And stop scuffing them It's Tuesday

Get on with it I was disappointed yesterday. I got home and I hopped into bed to watch the rain dry it up. And it just turned into one of the most humid days on record. Yeah. It's boiling hot. Alright, coming up on the show, the top six.

Yeah, there's been since the Christchurch earthquake in 2011. 2011? 2011. There's been a lot of... Pick up your vowels. Pick up your vowels. Since the Christchurch earthquake in 2011, 2011? 2011. There's been a lot of... Pick up your valves. Pick up the valves.

We'll just use them. I was just not using them at all. There's been a lot of excavating under old buildings. Yesterday on the news, there was a big story about things they've found and how old they are. I've got the top six things excavated from under Christchurch.

Some of the things they didn't put on the news. I saw some of the things on the news, like broken plates, and they wash out like a little bit of old plate. I'm like, what's someone going to do with that? I love old bottles. I love seeing old bottles. Are they Anko? Anko bottles.

The plates? Yes, they are, yeah. So worth saving. Yeah, definitely. Well, it just shows that, you know, they're cheap, but they last. They last, yeah. They last, yeah. Yeah, even if they're in pieces.

All right, the top six coming up. Also, Secret Sound, 7 o'clock and 8 o'clock this morning. $50,000 is the current jackpot. All the guesses that we've had, ZM Secret Sound on Instagram, if you want to go through those. And thanks to Neon, your next chance is coming up just before the news at 7. Next on the show, though, what oil should you not put in your car? Hair oil.

Like a Moroccan hair oil. Your car will run smoothly on Moroccan hair oil. There's a photo and a small video clip of a Tesco customer in the UK with a half trolley, which, again, I don't feel that we've praised the half trolley enough lately. My favourite trolley. They're perfect. A great trolley.

Because you don't get the pain of carrying a heavy basket, but the embarrassment of a big trolley. Exactly. It's in the middle, isn't it? Although, my supermarket doesn't let you put the half trolleys through the self-serve area because of the congestion. I'll take a full trolley in the self-serve. No one's going to tell me what.

No, they've got a sign, Hayley, at my one. It says what? No trolleys at all. Yeah, no trolleys at all ever in the self-serve. I'm just a bad girl, you know what I mean? You're a bad egg with a dark streak. Got a bad attitude. What are you going to do about it?

Yeah, someone's like, ma'am, you can't bring that trolley. You don't tell me my business. This is my self-serve area. By the way, I need you to scan permission because I have myself 18 bottles of Chardonnay. I'd leave you alone if you were talking to me like that. So I wouldn't go anywhere. I don't get paid that much.

I wouldn't be talking in a crazy Texan accent if I was at a supermarket. I'd be like, yeah, have at. So this guy in Tesco had his little half trolley filled up with cooking oil. And the video from the car park shows him pouring that cooking oil straight into the car. No. Because they haven't escaped fuel prices either, have they? It's just crazy. Record highs in Britain for fuel prices as well.

What is it? Diesel rose to £1.76 a litre. Oh, wow. Okay. It's like $3.40. $3.40-ish. Yeah. It's just about double. Yeah, but they don't pay road user charges for diesel. Oh, okay. It's like $3.40. $3.40-ish. Yeah. For diesel? It's just about double. Yeah, but they don't pay road user charges for diesel. Oh, okay.

It's just a straight price. Get a grip. They're probably working with that. So the internet's divided though. What do you mean the internet's divided? Well, because you can use a by-product of cooking oil as a biodiesel. And he was pouring it into a diesel car. No, you can't just go and get your canola that you'd fry a chicken in.

Yeah, it does need to go through a process that is called transesterification. So you need the machinery to do that, but you can buy the machinery. And you can go around to all the fast food outlets, anywhere that uses oil, and collect their old oil. Their fishy, bitsy oil. Wasn't there a story on this a little while ago? Like there was a place in New Zealand doing it. And the guy was like, oh, yeah, it's fantastic.

Like a bit of an out cost to initially get it set up. And every week I have to go around and collect drums of oil. But when I drive my car, it smells like chips. Oh, yum. How good would that be? I drove with my window down the whole time. Same. A little bit of carbon monoxide sneaking in.

Who cares? Do we have any idea whether or not the car got started? No. No, there's no. And that's what people are saying. Don't pour cooking oil in there. Apparently it will blow up the diesel pump.

Well, that's not the mechanical telly anyway, and you're not going to know any better, so I'll charge you two and a half grand for the experience. There you go. Yeah. But it might be something else, but you don't know, do you? No, you don't. We blindly trust these people. We do. I blindly trust... You know, I'm a very untrusting person,

but I have to blindly trust any trades person that comes my way. I don't know anything about plumbing. I know you do poo-poos in there and then you flush it and then the poo-poos is gone. We had an electrician around the other day to fix a PowerPoint and now I'm going to rewire my house. He upsold. They got you.

They got you. He used to work at Athlete's Foot and he used to always get them to buy an extra pair of socks. And now he's an electrician who can upsell you rewiring your entire household. Although, didn't your house nearly catch on fire from that electrical point? Yeah, no, it did catch on fire. So maybe he's right. Isn't your house like 140 years old?

Yeah. Oh, it might be time for a rewire then. Your house wiring has seen so many popes. It has. So many leaders of the Catholic Church. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. A guy in Perth, he's split the internet, I'll tell you what. Split it right in half.

I've been saying that we should do that for a long time. Well, cut it. Have two internets. Yeah, two internets. Isn't there the dark internet and the bright internet?

The bright internet doesn't sparkle so bright anymore. There's some real dark parts of the sparkly part.

The dark and the not so dark. Well, he needs a flat mate. He's a guy from Perth

and he posted on the Perth buy and sell Western Australia Facebook group a flat mate wanted ad that's being both praised and condemned for its upfront approach. Got some board races going past, Fletch.

Yes. Can you hear that? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. I heard it about 15 seconds ago roaring down the road near your place. This mic is amazing. Yeah. Sounds of the city, eh?

Just get that mic outside and let's just give those rural listeners a taste of the city. It mic is amazing. Yeah. Sounds of the city, eh? Just get that mic outside and let's just give those rural listeners a taste of the city. It'd be a great podcast. The sound of the city. Carl Fletcher's Sounds of the City.

Yeah, and you just walk around. You don't need a motorcycle that loud, eh? Is that a mic? Why? You just don't. Whose motorcycle is this? You know, Pulp Fiction.

Come on, guys. I like that reference. It was very odd, but I liked it. It's a chopper, baby. Whose chopper is this? Whose chopper is this? It's Zed's. Where's Zed?

Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead, baby. Okay, back to my cool story, okay? So a guy, a Perth guy, his Flake Mate wanted ad goes as follows. One large room with high ceilings. Oh, I love a high stud. Makes me feel like I've got a lot more space than I do. Furnished or unfurnished? Both. Only renting it out because I want to save for a motorbike.

I don't want a housemate, especially someone who talks too much or has lots of visitors. Prefer someone who just uses the room to set up a LAN for computer hacking 9 to 5. Under the little internet, halves and bills, no eye contact, no boring, polite, casual conversation. Smoke outside, do your own

dishes, replace the toilet roll, 10 minutes to the airport, 15 to the city, large container backyard with a lemon tree, grow your own vegetable garden if you want. You can grow weed and shrooms too if you share. Otherwise, no drugs, no pedophiles. $165 a week. No, who does he say you can grow your own weed and mushrooms? Oh right, he's. You can grow your own weed and mushrooms.

Oh, right. He's saying other drugs like meth and coke and stuff. Not welcome. But he's all about gods. The God-giver's drugs. Yes, God-giver. So a lot of people are saying like, no eye contact. You're being ridiculous.

Other people are being like, lay down the horse. Yeah, you're not going to be confused, right? You know exactly what you're after. Imagine moving into a flat where you didn't have to make polite conversation. You could just go and cook a meal. Delicious. Delightful. No applications yet.

No. He sounds very intimidating. Yeah, I've got a picture in mind. But yeah, no interest. A little bit too pushy, I think. Okay, I'd do it. Let's go to Perth. Yeah. Not look him in the eye.

That silence we just had there, that's not a problem. I love sitting in the silence sometimes. I reckon that's a mark of a good friend when you can just sit and not say anything to each other. This is the sound of us with him eating our shroom omelette. He'd be like, that fork is really doing my head in. Sorry.

Really whacking that cut of meat in that crockery. Sorry. All right, next on the show, the top six. Yeah, the top six. They've unearthed some treasures. Yes, I'm more than capable of telling everybody what the top six is. I thought you were taking your sweet time. If you'll allow me.

The top six things they've found excavating Christchurch. They've made a slurry of discoveries under Christchurch while excavating buildings that need to be removed so new buildings can be built. Vaughan, it's not 2012. Surely they've done that by now. You would think so, but not yet. From the Panoramic ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six.

Hi there. Thousands of historical relics from the 1850s and beyond have been found in Christchurch. A decorative clay pipe, hundreds of leather shoes complete with laces, and intact gin bottles. Oh. I'd have a gin. What do you mean intact, like full of gin?

Cork in, gin in. Jim, you said full of Jim. Gin. Jim was boiled down and put into bottles. What did Jim do wrong? Jim misbehaved, that's what. But it was found apparently beneath a layer of gravel on the corner of something in Colombo Street.

Look, Christchurch has got Gloucester. Gloucester. Gloucester. If I was going to say it how it looks like it said Gloucester. Yeah, Gloucester. Gloucester. Gloucester Street and Colombo Street. There's a whole lot of stuff in there.

Some stuff they didn't want to tell you about. And that's my top six list of what they found at this dig site that really reflects Christchurch's history. The top six things they found excavating Christchurch on the corner of Glocky Street in Colombo. That's it. Number six, an ancient stone tablet that in Latin reads, Quod scola ad fiesti. What does that mean?

What school did you go to? The famous ancient Christchurch saying. That's where it came from. Yeah. That's where it started. Yeah. Quod scola ad fiesti. A tablet?

Yeah, an old stone tablet. That's how important it is in Christchurch to ask people what school they went to. Colonised New Zealand's not that old. Well, this was hundreds of years old, so maybe there's questions to be asked about how long people have been kicking about Christchurch. Number five on the list of the top six things they found excavating the corner of Glockachaya and Colombo Street. The first ever ridgeline camouflage polar fleece from the 1800s. excavating the corner of Glockachaya and Colombo Street. The first ever ridgeline camouflage polar fleece from the 1800s.

A very historic piece of New Zealand clothing. Warm. Yeah, and there's a dad-sized one and two kid-sized ones. You know how dads who wear ridgeline polar fleece always have a couple of kids kicking about who are also wearing ridgeline polar fleece? They don't of kids kicking about who are also wearing Ridgeline polar fleece. They don't consent to that. They love that. Kids bloody love it. Warm and very flammable. Very

flammable. Lovely, beautifully flammable. I'm surprised you don't have them on the farm let. Vaughan. We're a swan dry family. I don't want to say we're doing well. It just speaks for itself. Bloody damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm not putting myself in the 1%, but I think you'll find this wide range of swan dry that I have. I'm pretty sure you have provided all of those for free. That's how badly they wanted me on board. Right, okay. Huge, huge for the brand to get me. Big, big sweep. Big sweep. You're the face of swan dry New Zealand.

They want nothing to do with you. No, no, no. They definitely do. Yeah. Actually, that thing of sponsoring a TV show that's basically the New Zealand version of Yellowstone with me. Right. John Dutton, head of the family. Wow.

It's going to be pretty gritty. Number four on the list of the top six things they found excavating Christchurch. They found a 1700s hair model. Like, you know when you're gonna go when you start course, you buy a mannequin's head and it's got hair? Yes. And you cut the hair. Yes.

So the 1700s hair model, very ancient, they believe using the hair of peasants put into the model. Oh, okay. The hairstyle it was rocking was blonde hair but if you pull the hair up, it's brown underneath. Oh, yes.

It's like what it says on the hair mannequins, the minceth and cheeseth hairstyle. Yes. Oh, wow, okay. Apparently, you know, now that makes so much sense why people in Christchurch love the mince and cheese hair. It's a historically important hairstyle to the region. It's an unbeatable partnership when it comes to food and hair.

It really is. And it looks so good in that autumnal Canterbury sun. It doesn't age. No. Timeless hairdo. Number three on the list of the top six things they found excavating that plot in Christchurch on the corner of Colombo and Glycoma Street. A pair of dirty dog sunglasses believed to have been worn to the first ever Christchurch Cup Day.

Wow. Oh, wow. Yeah. Bit of a historic. I think they're going to put that on display in the museum. Get it to Te Papa. Yeah. Really led the field in fashion and has ever since.

Yeah. It's an absolute look. Number two on the list of the top six things they found excavated in that spot on Colombo and... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss...

Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss...

Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss...

Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss...

Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss...

Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss...

Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss...

Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss...

Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... Gloss...

Gloss... Gloss... Gloss... ward. Oh my gosh. Oh lovely. Yeah, that looks like it's been buried there to hide it from somebody. I don't know what's going on there. There's probably a hell of a story behind that one though. I'm sure there is. And number one on the list of the top six things they found excavating this specific spot in Christchurch on the corner of Gloss. Gloss. Gloss.

You're putting a sh and then it doesn't exist. Gloss. Gloss. Gloss. Gloss. Gloss. Gloss. Worcesters a sh in there that doesn't exist. Gloss. Gloster. Glosshire. Glossister. Just gloss. Worcestershire sauce and Columbo. Number one, an ancient Dimitri's kebab. Believed to be the first ever Dimitri's kebab.

They've carbon dated it and it carbon dates back to the Assyrian Empire. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. So we're talking, you know, thousands of years. Oh, this kebab Made so well Was it the tin foil That kept it so perfectly preserved Correct

And Dimitri's You know Some originally thought It was a souvlaki But souvlaki's open At the top of course This wasn't This was a kebab

Because it had to travel Of course Right Yeah so It was when they got here That they changed to The open topped Slovaki Slovaki.

Slovaki. Suvlaki. They wouldn't have put chips in the kebab then. No, no, no, no. Lots of tabouli. Lots of tabouli. That is today's top six. Gorgeous.

We're talking about laughing while, crying while we laugh. I can't remember the last time I had a good laugh so hard that I cried. Surely not that long ago. I'm a big laugher. Yeah, love life. Love life. I think the last time I laughed while I cried was when my wife was laughing and crying because I was doing silly Austin Powers

impressions. It gets you every time. It gets you every time. Silly. It still laughs. You're still married. You're still married and doing Austin Powers. As she said, I don't know why I laugh, but every time we just end up laughing

so hard that we end up struggling to breathe. You must be super happy he's dusting off his acting chops, Mike Myers. But he's playing eight characters in that new show that he's working on. I don't think we need this. I'd give anything for another Austin Powers. I'm ready for another Austin Powers. Who would be the female?

You know, like he had Elizabeth Hurley, then he had Heather Graham, and then he had Beyonce. Who would be? Who's the hot thing? Have they aged while those movies? Gigi Hadid? She's not good enough. I've never seen Gigi Hadid act.

I shouldn't cast. Have they aged? Well, no, there's aspects of them that haven't, but overall I think they have. Sorry, are you going to stand by, so you think Ariana Grande is a great actress? That's where she got her chops. Yeah.

The Disney Channel. I thought she is. I think she's a good comedic actress. She's no Austin Powers 3 born. Calm down. Austin Powers 4. This would be Austin Powers 4. Who?

Maybe we just need to cancel what we've got planned for the show and spend the rest of the day brainstorming who would be the best female. What about old Blakely? You know? Blake Lively. Blake Blakely. Blakely? I was like, Lively Blakely?

We've got a friend and his partner's last name is Blake Lively. I don't think she'd be into it, to be honest. Blake Lively. Blake Lively could be good. They've got to be sort of profoundly. Don't tell me to wrap it up, Fletch. Didn't you hear me? I said we've cancelled the entire show.

We're now spending the rest of the day working out who would be the best female for the female. For the female. You can work on that later. I'm happy to sit in the silence. We'll come back to this. If you were here, you could have the butter. I need to be back For the female. You can work on that later. I'm happy to sit in the silence. We'll come back to this. If you were here, you could hit the buttons. I need to be back in the studio. Let me look at something and what's coming up

and we'll replace it with casting Austin Powers. I honestly just trolled all out the window. Let's do Austin Powers casting. We should get people to call up and audition for it and you have to act against Bourne saying, Do I make you horny, baby? Yeah. It's so bad.

That's why it's funny. And it's done the full roundabout. I would go to a fancy dress party as Austin Powers now and I hated guys that did that 10 years ago, but I would do it now. It's shagadelic. It is shagadelic, It is shagadelic. And I've got a question.

I'm doing a 20 point turn to reverse it. What a fantastic. That was groundbreaking stuff. See now we're laughing until we're crying. There we go. And that is what we're talking about. Laughing until we cry.

And you know after you have a laugh so good that you cry, you feel amazing. Like laughing obviously feels good, but laughing till you cry afterwards, you're like, if I could run a marathon. And there's a reason behind that because obviously we know the benefits of laughing.

Laughing decreases cortisol levels, your stress hormones. It gives you adrenaline. And it triggers a release of all the good feeling endorphins. And then crying, when you cry, even due to sadness, also releases endorphins, reduces pain, which makes us feel good. Also regulates our processing of emotions. So when you laugh, cry, you're genuinely just combining the two. It's a twofer.

You're getting the benefit of both. Holy moly. Even though the cry isn't a sad cry, it's not about the emotion that's associated with the cry. It's the chemicals get released regardless. Yeah, yeah, right. It's the physical act of crying. So it's like doubling up on the amount of endorphins

and stress-fighting hormones that get released when you laugh and cry because you're laughing and crying. Oh, yeah, okay. I'm all for a laugh. I need to bring it on. We should just put Austin Powers on. We should just watch Austin Powers. Should we watch some clips?

Yeah, let's go on. We'll have a good laugh till we cry. Let's pop on YouTube, watch some clips. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. have a good laugh till we cry. Let's pop on YouTube watch some clips. A Brazilian singer has shared a horrific, I'll call it, a horrific experience

on TikTok with her loyal followers. Brazilian? Brazilian. Where did they ask her to go? To Brazil Yeah because Brazilian people Always say on everybody's social media

Come to Brazil Yes Come to Brazil We love you Come to Brazil We love you Ariana Come to Brazil But if you're already in Brazil

Will they Welcome They probably say Come to the city that they're in Oh they get more geographically specific I thought they might just be like Your your location pleases me, yes. Maybe. Not what she was sharing.

She ended up in hospital. She, at the early hours of the morning, woke up with a terrible stomach ache, 5.30 in the morning. Severe stomach pain, she said, and she ended up in hospital. It took a while for the doctors to diagnose what had happened, but soon she was diagnosed with trapped farts. Is that the medical term? Trapped farts is the medical term, thank you.

Right, okay. And so what had happened is she was relatively new to the partner she was dating, and they'd been staying together for days and days and days, and they weren't on farting terms. So she'd been holding in her farts so much so that they became trapped inside of her and all the gas was just in her and it

ended up with her having to go to a hospital and be manually farted like a whoopee cushion. She had to be squeezed out. She's fine now. Like push, push, push, push. Work it back down. They farted her. They farted her.

Absolutely. And this is... But when you get water in your pipes and you've got to get the water out of the pipe so the water can pump back through, you've got to fart it. You've got to get it out. Find where the water is. Open that tap. She said, look, I'm fine now. It was an accumulation of trapped farts.

And then she sent a message to her female fans. Girls, don't be ashamed to fart in front of your guy because what's really embarrassing is not letting him sleep because you're in so much pain. Go in a hospital with your guy and then the diagnosis being trapped farts. From now on, I'm letting them rip. And

then a doctor's chimed in on the back of the story and he said it's actually really dangerous to do this. And if you're holding a fart for too long, it can be reabsorbed into your bloodstream and breathed out when you exhale. I've always wondered if that was true or not. So your fart comes out the top instead. Right.

Do you breathe out though? Because it wouldn't smell fart. It wouldn't smell the same because it would have to go through everything, right? Because it wouldn't smell fart It wouldn't smell the same Because it would have to go through everything Because it's not passing the chute Yeah But you did this when you met Aaron You're now fiancé

My now fiancé I pride myself in farting in front of him In fact I won't fart unless he's around To hear it But at the very early days of our relationship Yeah I would hold them in And I would have the worst stomach pains And you'd stay like two nights in a row.

And the only reason I'd leave to go back to my flat was because I needed to hop into my car and fart. Fart up a storm. Yeah, and I'd just like let it rip. But I remember my stomach used to be like... I'd be like, oh my God, it's so embarrassing. I've eaten something funny. As opposed to just like going.

It was going back up. Yeah, or you'd pop to the loo and maybe have a quick fart into a tissue. I, what? You'd what? What, to muffle it? Into a tissue. Absolutely. All women listening, and if you're like, not me, as if,

all women listening do this. You pop into the bathroom and you get a little buffer and you have a little fart into it. I don't think that's a thing. You scrunch up toilet paper and you put it between the butt cheeks and you... So you let it out. So then instead of it being like a... It's a...

Are the producers, are the female producers backing you up on this? Karwin looks appalled. Yeah, but Karwin is never going to admit to this. Look at her. She's gorgeous. No, I would never have thought to do that. You've never used a toilet paper muffler? I've talked to so many women that do this.

A sneaky little toilet fart. What about Anna? Is she a toilet paper muffler? I've talked to so many women that do this. A sneaky little toilet fart. What about Anna? Is she a toilet paper muffler? A hundred percent. Yeah. Thank you, Anna. I want to do this next summer. I've got one brewing.

Yeah, because if you're... I just want to live this experience. If you need to let this fart out, but you're too embarrassed about the noise, if you go into a toilet, it's just going to amplify the fart. Totally. Well, it's a hard...

It's like when you call someone in the toilet on the phone, you can immediately tell they're in the bathroom because of the hard surface. Make a little muffle pad. Pop it out. Do you fold

or do you make a little ball of the paper? Do you have to hold it against the butthole during fart or do you just nestle it between the cheeks, hands off,

let it do its work? Closer to the point of action that less likely there is for leakage of noise. Just like an actual muffler. Absolutely. Because you can tell on a car when a muffler's, you know, when there's a break in the gasket.

Absolutely. Whether you fold or scrunch, it's a preference thing. I'm a folder. I never knew this tissue. Against rectum, fart muffler. Maybe there's a brand in this. We could start sort of purpose-built pads for fart mufflers. The fart mufflers.

If you've just started a new relationship. There's those carbon undies, right? And the charcoal. But then they don't take care of the sound. Charcoal, that's right, yeah. A fart muffler. Listeners, you can't steal that idea. I'm sure it's been done. I'm sure if you give it five seconds of Google time, someone's done it.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. If you ever find yourself at work sort of mindlessly staring out the window, you're not really staring at anything that's happening outside of the window, but you're just mindlessly looking out there. And then you feel a little bit guilty,

like, I'm not being very productive. I haven't done anything. Well, feel guilty no more. Because actually, it's not a time waster. It's one of the simplest ways to boost your mind in the middle of a work day.

Sort of disengage to re-engage. That's exactly it. You basically, your mind, your mind... I'm just waving to everybody after I absolutely nailed it there You did

The act of letting your mind wander to daydream and to sort of gaze out beyond the confines of your desk actually helps your mind also leave the confines of your office or the work that you're doing, giving it space in which you can generate ideas

you can solve problems, release stress. Oh, yeah. All of this sounds good. I love all of it. Yeah. A lot of, like, some of the great philosophers, Plato, Zhuangzi, call it mind fasting, where you just sort of take, you sort of starve your mind of stimulants for a while

in order to give it space in which to then like let things come to life. Start appreciating things again. Right. Would this work for trunk drivers? Well, they do spend all day staring at a window, don't they? Yeah, and you're not really focused on the road.

You're the truck. You're the truck. Everybody should be getting out of your way. You're in a battering ram. When you get to your destination, you're like, how did I get here? Yeah. It's very good.

I feel if I had an office job and it had like a nice view, this would just be me all day. Yeah, well, we don't have a bad view looking out. We're in a bit of a garden situation going on, but then we are looking at another office building, aren't we? You imagine one of those high-rise buildings that's got like a harbour view. I'd probably get lost just watching fairies. Yeah, I know. You imagine one of those high-rise buildings that's got like a harbour view. I'd probably get lost just watching fairies.

Yeah, I know. Fairies or fairies? Both. Both, yeah. The boat and the small woodland sprite. Indeed. Daydreaming, zoning out, gazing out. And it's about looking to the middle.

So not focusing on something nearby and not getting so lost that you're like, nothing's home. But the middle distance, they call it. It can be really good for a person. Okay. Escape your crowded mind. And then once you come back to work, it's like you've had a little break, but you haven't left your desk or you've done a stare out the window. Right.

And it stimulates the brain. Should you stand? Should you stand or sit? It's not specific. Okay. Not specific to standing or sitting. When I look out the window, I like to have a lean and an arm cross. You like to lean?

Yeah. I like to stand at a window. Do I cross my arms? What do I do with my arms? Yeah, but you're a pest. I suppose that. I like to stand at a window. I'm talking from the outside of a window.

I like to stand on the outside of a window when the curtains are drawn, but there's a little crack, and that's where I stand, and I put my eye right up to the crack. You press your forehead against the glass, and your nose breathes sort of a fog. Yeah, and then the next day when people are like, what's the smudge on the window? They've got to wipe it.

They're like, it's on the outside. And they're like, a bird must have flown into our window, but it's not. It was me. It was a local pest. Right up against the window, peeping through the gap in the curtains. Gosh, I just zone out, and boy, I get productive. So they say here's the best way to steer out of a window.

Position yourself for the best view of the sky. You want the sky. The bigger the sky, the greater the benefit of steering out the window. Look up and take a couple of deep breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth. Observe the sky while you notice any internal thoughts and feelings. Let them simply drift in and away like clouds. Finish with a couple of deep breaths.

Pause. Notice how different you feel from when you first started staring out the window. Try for at least 60 seconds and then come back to work and see how you feel. Should be much better, much clearer. I reckon you'd feel better once you go to the vending machine and get a chocolate bar and a V. Yeah, I think that too. You reckon we'll do that

at the window? No, I reckon it's either stare out the window and breathe or shove your gullet full of carbohydrates. Yeah, and then just sit and do nothing all day.

Yeah, yeah. Man, I didn't need that. I didn't need a second one. Flat-fodden Haley Silly little pole Silly little pole It is so silly, silly, silly How many pillows do you sleep with? What? How many what? How many pillows?

Pillows. How many pillars? How many pillows do you sleep with? What? How many what? How many pillows? Pillows. How many pillars? How many pillows do you sleep with? The results are shocking to me. Is this because of yesterday we came across that person that said they sleep with two pillows? No. Yeah, well, they had two, but they had nine on the bed. They had nine on the bed, but they sleep with two under their head.

Yeah, same. What? Yeah. Just get a bigger pillow. Just get one thick pillow. These results are absurd to me. So the options were one pillow, two pillow, three or more. One pillow, two pillow, three or more.

How many pillows help you snore? One pillow, two pillow, three or more. I used two. I'm not sure. I've always used two my entire life. Two little thin ones? No, I have one feather and one memory foam. But why not just have one big memory foam?

Yeah, get a thicker memory foam. Because I like the way that the feathers look. I mean, it's your head. I just can't get your logic. Sometimes when I'm relaxing in the bed, I prefer the feather behind the head, but when it comes time to sleep, then I'll put the memory foam on top.

Memory foam on top. See, to me, that just says you could get a thicker memory foam and have a feather pillow as a decorative. One big ugly pillow, because then you've still got to have another pillow on the bed to make it look nice. So you sleep on your decorative pillow? No, that's not my decorative pillow.

My memory foam is my primary pillow that has a sheet cover on it. Yes, that matches the sheets. That matches the sheets. Yes. And then my feather has the one that matches the duvet. But you sleep on that. No, I don't sleep on the feather. But it's underneath your memory foam.

Yeah, but it's part of your sleep stack, your decorative pillow. That's weird. That is weird. And then sometimes if I'm struggling to sleep, you can split them and then just have the memory foam and maybe have the feather somewhere else. Right. Like in front or to the side. You ever get a sore neck from your head propped too high?

No, I've nailed the pillows. When you go to a hotel, what do you do? Well, there's always two pillows on the bed. So you'll use two pillows? Yeah, but if they're too big, I'll go down to one. One. But it makes me uneasy. Right.

Ruins my day. You're not happy. I always remember my parents telling me off for sleeping with two pillows. Why? My parents told me about a whole bunch of weird shit. But even now, with my daughters, I'm like, don't sleep on two pillows. Why? Because they will have two pillows. I'm like, don't sleep on two pillows. Why? Because they will have two pillows. I'm like, don't sleep

on two pillows. You'll hurt your neck. You'll get a sore neck. No, it's just about the pillows. They look so like, the next reach, don't get into the habit of that because the minute you hit 35, one bad sleep, you've ruined your year. I guess I just come from a two pillow family. You're a two pillow family. This is why these results

make me confused. One pillow, 52%. Yeah, over half. Two pillows, 38%. The 10% of people who are sleeping with three or more pillows are the ones that worry me. They've got like skanky little student pillows, you know, that are like sandwiched. Or they've got tiny little pinheads and giant broad shoulders.

Yeah, maybe. So they need to stack a whole lot of pillows up to support their little pinheads on their giant shoulders. That's maybe. So they need to stack a whole lot of pillows up to support their little pinheads on their giant shoulders. That's probably the 10%. Yeah. Always two. Feedback.

Maddie says, entirely dependent on thickness. So he's a thickness boy. He's a girthy boy. Yeah, it's all about how thick it is. Yeah, versus. So if you can achieve

the thickness with just one, you go one. Then tick the box. Brittany says, I have an amazing memory foam pillow and I don't need anything else but that. I'd like to know the brand of that pillow. If you nail a memory foam, oh, so good.

The perfect memory foam. Yeah. It's all you need. Hard to find, hard to find. Jacob said, one for the head, one to cuddle, and one between the legs. Oh, I love a pillow between the legs. Is that your three or more there? He's counting head, cuddle, leg. Because the question was how many pillows do you sleep with?

Yeah, my legs get too, when it's hot, my legs get uncomfortable when they're touching. I would have thought you would warm the pillow. I thought there would have been warmth trapped in the pillow. I loop the sheet under. I occasionally chuck. I'll go duvet. I thought there would have been warmth trapped in the pillow. I loop the sheet under. I occasionally chuck. I'll go duvet. So that way I get half a leg. I get a leg out, a leg covered, and I get my legs separated.

Yeah, beautiful. Sam says, I mean, it starts with two, then one's flung off at some point throughout the evening. Then I get annoyed when I can't find my second pillow. Every single night. Every single night. It gets flung, and then I want want it back and I can't find it. It needs to put a string

on that maybe. Yeah, that'd be the answer. I believe, well, it's spelt like mare as in horse but it might be Mary. She says,

as long as you've got the right pillow you only need one but always a silk pillow slip. Someone doesn't want to age prematurely there. They're trying not to get wrinkles from the old flannel. I wear it. Oh no. Oh yeah.

Have I told you this? Come on. Admit it. Admit it. I wear a silk bonnet. I know we've talked about it but I can't remember if it was on air. Yeah, I can't remember. Because I'm all about the aesthetic of the bed and for me I don't like the look of a silk pillow I'm all about the aesthetic of the bed.

And for me, I don't like the look of a silk pillowcase. But I want the benefits of the hair against, you know, in silk. So I wear a silk bonnet. Like the oldie times. Handmaid's tale. Yeah, it's like a little, I don't want to say turban, but it's like a little, like, cap. Yeah.

With like a little twist at the front, but it's made of silk, and it's got elastic at the back. My nana used to put one of those on when she had her curlers in, but she had some errands to run outside. Yeah, so then I can sleep on a linen or cotton pillow but have the benefit of sleeping on silk. All those in favour of seeing a photo of this in action tonight, raise your hand.

It's unanimous. The board has spoken. Yeah. Motion passed. Wait, is this going to go on social media? Absolutely. All right, I'll send you a photo of my bonnet. Megan says,

there's seven total on my bed during the night. I like to create a little pillow cave with barriers and everything. So there's another one of your three or more. Imagining sleeping alone? Must be. Rita also says the same thing. I surround myself in them so it's like sleeping on a cloud.

I get right in the middle of them. One under my head and one to cuddle. Can't sleep without the cuddle pillow. I'd love one of those big pregnancy pillows. Yes. Give it a good old cuddle. Get a leg over the pregnancy pillow, if you know what I'm saying. Absolutely.

And the best part about the pregnancy pillow is it can't get you pregnant. So there you go. Silly Little Pole pillows. We've got a couple of eco-warriors, vehicular eco-warriors on the show here. Executive Internanya and Karween at the social media desk are both drivers of Toyota Aquas. Hybrids? Hybrids, eh? Not fully electric.

Hybrid vehicles. Yep. And also you fit into, well, how old are you now, Hannah? 25. Oh, okay. I'm going old are you now, Hannah? 25. Oh, okay. I'm going to call you an upper crust Gen Z. An upper crust. Thank you.

An upper crust. Top end Gen Z because according to a survey, Gen Z, people who had purchased or drove hybrids or electric vehicles, 12% said the main reason was image, how it looked to everybody else. So you could say I'm... Doing it for the gram. I'm doing it, you know, I'm an eco-warrior.

Yes. Yep, that's fair. Yep. Marlene, can you deal with that? Well, it was just going to be cheaper. So I just did... So it's nothing to do with the environment? Nah.

So you couldn't care less about the environment?. So it's nothing to do with the environment? Nah. Financial. So you couldn't care less about the environment? No, it's an added benefit, you know? Right. The rising price of gas was the number one reason across the board. Of course. And environmental reasoning was second. But of the different age groups, so the boomers, so 57 to 74, when asked if how it looked to everybody else was important,

2% of people surveyed said yes. Yeah. It is important that I look like I'm doing my part. In millennials, it was 6%, but in Gen Z, it was 12%. The weird thing is if you're doing it for the image, and you know I feel this way, it's a very silly looking car. When I drive past you,

you actually point to me in the car park and say, silly little car. Ha, ha, ha. Look at that silly little car. Yeah. And then I go, and I speed off a cloud of gas and pollutants. Pollutants.

Pollutants. This survey was conducted by Polestar. Have you guys heard of Polestar? I have heard of Polestar. Oh, yeah, they look real nice, those ones. It's Volvo's toe dip into the EVs, into the electric vehicles, and it actually for electric vehicles, which across the border, pretty ugly. I'm going to say it again, embarrassing.

A lot of them. Well, your Prius has become synonymous with Ubers or taxis. And you can't buy one personally, can you? Because people will be jumping in the back of it all the time. Or stealing your catalytic converter from underneath.

You can't have that. Full of delicious, precious metals underneath there. And apparently, I don't know why't have that. Full of delicious, precious metals underneath there. And apparently, I don't know why, but apparently hybrids have better ones. Catalytic conversion? Ordinary cars have them? Yeah, I don't know. But Carl, Wayne and Anna,

you guys are the ones with the last laugh because how much are you spending? Like, what's your average fuel bill? $70 a week and I drive 700 k's a week. Is that an exaggeration or do you literally drive 700 k's a week? Nah, I drive 700 k's a week. Is that an exaggeration or do you literally drive 700 k's a week? Nah, I drive 700 k's a week. Yeah, because you live just north of Whangarei, is that right?

That's correct. 40 minutes each way. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, okay, that's pretty amazing for 700 k's. You spend $70. It's absolutely delicious. When I was in my mom wagon.

Before we get carried away with how well you're doing for the environment let's keep in mind your um partner drives like the biggest v8s on the road because he reviews them for driven he does and he's got a fuel card so he's heavy footed he is so actually you congratulations to you for doing the heavy lifting in the relationship for the world thank you thank you very much carween uh you don't live as far away how much would you spend a week on petroleum? Well, see, I usually probably fill mine

up for about 17. It's like two weeks. So about $35 a week. Oh, yeah. Wow. Okay. That's pretty good stuff. You see, now who's laughing? Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Well, the RSPCA in Britain Is this Royal?

Royal It's Royal I think Australia's is RSPCA as well Why? How come ours isn't Royal? The SPCA in New Zealand does bloody good work Yes What is this Society of Protection Cats?

The super protective cat agency. Well, the RSPCA in Britain, they went viral. They had a cat up for adoption. Their elderly owners dropped off the cat because they were moving into a hospital facility type retirement situation. They dropped off their beautiful cat, Morag.

What a terrible name for a cat. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Morag is a very cute little cat. I'm not actually sure what breed of cat Morag was, but the interesting thing about Morag is she was 21 years old. Wow.

21 years old is the oldest cat that the RSPCA have ever had to rehome. It looks, I just Googled Morag old cat. It looks like it's been stuffed. It looks like it's been, it looks like, you know, those like bad taxidermy photos that were doing the rounds a little while ago. It's definitely a bit weepy, a bit crusty, a bit leaky.

But Morag still had a lot of love to give, they say. This is just reminding me, I had a cat and it died and I don't want to talk about it. Yeah. Well, I'll just leave you in the corner to think about that. How old was little Annie's?

Annie's was just shy. When did he die? End of 2021 and we got him in 2005 so just shy of his 17th birthday. That's about average. That's about right though for a cat. I don't want to talk about it. Both of my cats growing up

were about 16, 17 years old when they both passed away. 21 years old, good innings. That's about 100 in cat years. But apparently this RSPCA have a really good track record with rehoming older cats. I'd be reluctant to adopt an older cat. You're going to get like a month, you're just getting used to it. Fall in love with them and then they die.

Yeah, and then they die. Well, I mean, he's 21 years old, or she's 21 years old, Morag. But I've found the oldest cat ever recorded died at the age of 38 and three days. I don't believe it. 38? What is that in cat years? In human years, like 300? Oh, I don't know.

What is 38? 21 is about 100, so does it keep going up exponentially or does it, once it gets to that, it just marries up with human ageing? Do you know how old it is? How old is 38 in cat years? It'll just roughly times it by nine or something, won't it? Okay, well, 36, it can give me two. 40 is, oh, no, it's going to take me forever.

It's not even on record. Right. No one's even bothered doing the maths on it because it's too high up. Oh yeah, 38 year old. Okay, cat's age. 38. Yeah. Is there a calculator online? A cat you like. 38. It won't even do it. It can't even figure it out. It's like, no. So I can go

16. Yeah. Right now somewhere in some... So 92 is 19 which I can go 16. Yeah. Right now, somewhere in some, like some. So 92 is 19, which is half of 38. Wow. So. Wow, okay. So 184. Well up into its hundreds.

Which is just ridiculous. Anyway, Morag. So they put Morag up for adoption and they had like offers all around the world from Japan to America and the UK. Finally got adopted. Apparently, this is the love of the Japan to America, in the UK. Finally got adopted. Apparently, this is the love of the new family's life, Morag. She's still good to be picked up and pampered and cuddled. The flights to Japan would have killed Morag.

You'd have to stay local. You wouldn't want to put Morag in a cage for too long. No. Any anxiety on the old thing. Yes, but this got me thinking, I want to see if we can find this morning the oldest cat in New Zealand. Okay.

And if we use Morag as sort of the benchmark around 21 years old, is anyone going to be able to beat that or be around that kind of age? Vaughan, you can't because your one died. I don't want to talk about it. Died at 17. Yeah you're one died. I don't want to talk about it. Died at 17. Yeah, my cat died.

I don't want to talk about it. 17 years together and just ripped away from you like that. Yeah. Surely there's, yeah, 18, 19 people with cats around there. Surely at least. But call up and tell us if you reckon you've got the oldest cat and then we'll see if anyone else can beat it. Do they have to be alive

or could someone have had a cat that was, say, 21? Yeah, if they've already gone. It would have to be, because we're looking for New Zealand's oldest living cat. Living cat. Okay, so they've got to be living. Because we don't go for the world's oldest person and then... But they died.

Yeah, but they died. Yeah, that's true. In the 70s. Yeah. Okay. We're going to find, this morning, New Zealand's And then... But they died. Yeah, but they died. Yeah, that's true. In the 70s. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We're going to find, this morning, New Zealand's oldest living cat. All right. Well, give us a call. 0800-DARLS-AT-M is the number.

You can text in as well, 9696. Give us a call. God, it'll be a dusty old meow, eh? It'll be one of those creaks. All right. If you think you have New Zealand's oldest cat, get in touch. Give us a call.

We asked you, do you have New Zealand's oldest living cat? I'm very invested in this. I'm a cat lover. Fletch, you're a cat lover. Yeah. Vaughan's cat died. I had a cat, I don't know, and it died and I don't want to talk about it.

I know. That's fair. This is on the back of the fact that the RSPCA in Britain had a 21-year-old cat that got adopted. Manky Moray. Manky Moray. We're not going to beat the Guinness record, though, are we? Which is, like, what, 32?

No, 38. 38. That's ridiculous. Well, it could be. Well, let's see how we go. Annie, good morning. How old is your cat? Now she'll be 21 at the end of the year.

Oh, 21 at the end of the year. Don't you come here rounding up, Annie. That's a 20-year-old cat. 20. What do you feed it? She is now, at the moment, she just eats her normal cat biscuit. She's got no teeth, though. How do you eat a hard biscuit with no teeth?

She eats it. You don't smother it up? You don't put a bit of water in there or a bit of cat milk? No, no, she eats it. She works on it. And he doesn't fuss a cat. That's why her cat's been around for so long. What's her cat's name?

Her name's Nala. I've got a cat with a love ticket. Missed that part. Missed that? Your phone cut out. Nala. I think I got the name Nala. That's Lion King reference.

She gets, it's all the love she gets. Oh. She can feel the love to her cuddles. It's her love. Okay, so that's our benchmark. Is it 20?

Our current benchmark is Nala at age 20. Okay, so we're on the hunt for New Zealand's oldest cat. 0800 DALSATM is the number. You can text through 9696 if you can beat 20. We're on a thrilling hunt, aren't we? A hunt for New Zealand's oldest cat.

We had Nala on the phone before, 20-year-old cat owned by lovely Annie, because the RSPCA in Britain just adopted their oldest cat out at 21 years old Morag. And we're going to see if we can beat it. Cass, good morning. Good morning. Now how

old is, is this your cousin's cat? Yes, it is. And how old is the cat? She's 22 and she'll be 23 this year. Everyone's rounding up. It doesn't matter because it's the oldest, right? It's an oldest competition so be 23 this year. Right, everyone's rounding up. It doesn't matter because it's the oldest, right? It's an oldest competition so you round up. This thing could die tomorrow and it won't be 23.

Yeah, so she's 22. She'll be 23 this year. She's quite a decrepit old cat now and she has been known for weeing your handbag. Oh, see, to put it down it sounds miserable. No, she's lovely. She has three your handbag. Oh, see, put it down. It sounds miserable. No, she's lovely.

She has three meals a day and, yeah, terrified. My daughter's terrified of her. My mum was a, growing up, my mum was savage with euthanising animals. Like, we had a pet cat and he weaned inside once and mum's like, well, you know what that means? He's got a brain tumor. Took her to the vet and they were like. Yeah, and the vet was like, oh, well, we don't know. Like, cats got a brain tumor. Took her to the vet and they were like...

Yeah, and the vet was like, oh, well, we don't know. Like, cats do do this when they've got something wrong with them. And mum's like, oh. And they were like, oh, the scan's going to cost this much. And she's like, no, just put him to sleep. Wow. Cass, what's... They have WePads down for her when she's... Oh, no.

I'm not living in a house with a permanent WePad. Cass, what's the cat's name? Precious, but we call her Preci. Preci is currently winning. 104 years old in human years. Wow. I think I want to be gone.

Miss Screaming for Mercy. Preci currently winning. Let's see if Ashish can beat it. Good morning, Ashish. Morning. How's it going?

You know what? I'm loving this. I've got COVID. Not good. Ashish, not good. And these guys, despite my wishes to not talk about cats because my cat died, have pushed on with this cat stuff. Yeah.

And I've got to put on a brave face, but inside I'm a mess, Ashish. I'm not good here either. So, Ashish, so far we've had Nala at 20. Then we just had Preshi at 22 years old. How old is your cat? It's my wife's cat. She got it, I mean, our parents got it when she was six years old.

And my wife was 30 last year, October. So the cat's still alive. Her name's Truxy. I think she'll be 24 this year. Oh, my gosh. So currently she's a 23-year-old cat. We're only accepting current ages. We're not rounding up.

So 23 years old, and is the cat in a good state? Yeah. Yeah, she is in a good state. So she sleeps all day and then she's dead. It could be dead. She sleeps all day and started to smell a little bit, but

the flies don't seem to bother her. Maybe she's possessed and she comes. Oh my god, yes, a possessed zombie cat. Can you pet the cat or does it feel like you're just stroking bones? No, no, she's still got fluffy and she's good.

What's the cat's name? Trixie. Trixie. So currently, Ashish, I've got good news and you can pass this on to your wife. Trixie is Zedem's oldest cat in New Zealand. A cat born in the 90s?

Wow. That's wild. That's wild. That's crazy. Okay. Text messages, are we beating that text message wise? No, my SPCA cat Missy Lou's 23. But then everybody else is just talking about cats of years gone by.

So it's Missy Lou and Trixie. but then everybody else is just talking about cats of years gone by. So it's Missy and Trixie. Yeah, my Sunday was 23 when he died of natural causes. Somebody else said, I'm a vet. I once euthanized a 25-year-old cat. Oh, that would hurt.

And then they follow that up with it's obviously not alive anymore though so I don't know if it qualifies for your competition. No, sorry. Sorry, not included.

Not included. It can't be included. You if it qualifies for your competition. No, sorry. Sorry, not included. It's not even your cat. You killed it. You murdered that cat. My cat's dad Piddles is a few months shy of 25 years old. Ooh, okay. He's still the biggest a-hole ever, hence the name, as he used to pee in Dad's toaster when he was a kitten.

In the toaster? How is Piddles still alive? The toaster can't have been on or plugged in. Peeing in's toaster when he was a kitten. In the toaster? Yeah. How is Piddle still alive? The toaster can't have been on or plugged in. Peeing in the toaster. My cat's, my aunt's cat, not my cat's auntie, my auntie's cat is 26. She's a moggy and seems to be going okay. And somebody else said my partner's cat is about 26 years old in human years.

We need names. Yeah, we can't award them the prize for the oldest puss. So far it's Trixie because we've got the name. Yeah. Oh, my cat's name's Dusty and is 22 in two weeks. So currently 21. Stop rounding up everybody. Sis, don't cut it out.

She has no teeth. She eats cat's biscuits. She puts them in her mouth and just grinds them back and forth between her gums. Jesus Christ. I'll go on record now saying if I ever don't have any teeth and my idea of eating a bloody digestive biscuit is to put it in my mouth and just rub it back and forth between my gums until it crumbles. Shoot me in the face.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Not now. Not now. Not right now. We now. Not now. Not right now. We've done it before. It's when, you know, there's all this bad news out there. You tell us the little, maybe the straw that's looking to break the camel's back.

Just a little bit more, oh, my God, not now, bad news to add to the pile. You had a not now yesterday. Well, we all did. Well, we all did. Oh, we all did? Well, with the Ruapehu. Oh, of course. Yeah, that was the big one. Did I have another one?

Your phone. Oh, yeah. You did, you did. I was carrying too many things in my hand and my phone slipped out of my hand and it started tumbling towards my cobbles. And I put my foot out to catch the phone or at least soften the fall yes um because i've heard it somewhere exactly where i broke my phone last

time um and when i put my foot out i just mistimed it and i booted my phone i couldn't have done a better boot if i'd been trying to it flew roughly five metres and hit the cobbles and smashed. So that was neat. Not now. And you're like, not now, phone. Not now with everything else. Yeah. Well, it does, it just adds up, doesn't it?

Yeah, it does. Just little things like, you know, maybe the pressure. Little things like volcano eruptions. Yeah. Like huge volcanic plumes. Little things like that. But that news alert came out yesterday afternoon, and I said that out loud.

I was like, not now. We've got the Ukraine war. Read the room, planet Earth. Yeah. Read the room. Inflation. There's a global pandemic that's not ending. There's floods.

Yeah, yesterday floods. Antarctica had a record high temperature the other day. 40 degrees warmer than normal. 40 degrees warmer. Not now. Warmer than normal. Antarctica, just chill out, literally. So we thought we would open up the phone lines now,

take your text messages, your not now moments. Like yesterday, producer Anna got home after the big Auckland storms. And what was your not now moments. Like yesterday, producer Anna got home after the big Auckland storms. And what was your not now, Anna? The sewage lines behind my house had exploded. So my whole house smells of feces. But you don't have feces in your house? No, no, just over the back fence.

Wafting in because it was quite windy yesterday as well, wasn't it? And it got very humid and hot and feces of course feces is wonderful in the warmth so and you're like not now

feces smell no tomorrow sure not now not today not now not right now alright well

give us a call 0800 dials at M you can text as well 9696 join in let it off your chest yeah the little maybe a dog All right, well, give us a call. 0800-DARLS.M. You can text as well, 9696. Join in. Let it off your chest. Yeah.

The little, maybe a dog chewed your shoe. Only one shoe. And that was the shoe you wanted to wear today. Silly dog. Maybe the engine lights come on and you're like, not now. Not now. Not now. We are playing another round of our favourite, I guess, dreary game show,

Not Now, with everything going on in the world. If something gets put on your plate, just a little something that makes you just want to have a cry and be like, not now! Anytime but now, not now! And a special shout-out to the person who said, I was just listening to your segment and thought, I don't really have anything to add. And then a giant rock flew up off a truck driving the other way and smashed my windscreen.

Oh, no. I've just shit my pants. Not now. I'm pulled over. I'm messaging you guys. Not now. Oh, that is so sad. That's so sad.

Okay, what about this headline? Why beer, wine, and spirits are said to become more expensive. No, no. Not now, who's to blame? No. That's our coping mechanism for everything else. I know. Not now.

Not now. It needs to read the room. It needs to read the room that everything else is turning to caca and we need the beers and the wines. What can we drink to get a buzz on when it's not beer, wine and spirits? Because we're going to need to use that as our coping mechanism now to cope with the fact that our old coping mechanism just got more expensive. Well, I was going to say make potato vodka,

but potatoes are more expensive now. Half paint? Jesus Christ. Why? I mean, back into a corner over here. Have you seen the cost of renovations at the moment? We've got to find paint. Ah!

So I want to take your texts and calls now, your not now moments. Yes. We've got Liam on the phone. Liam, tell us what's happening. So I've been at my job for a little bit now, but I just got put into the assistant manager role. And my first day was yesterday. And it happened, I'm down here in Cambridge, and it happened, our store started to flood with all the rain we had.

So your first day is a new job and you're dealing with a flood. Pretty much, yes. So one of the guys that's worked with us before, one of our other stores, when we also had the massive amount of rain, had flooded, and so we were joking, kind of going, go hide in a corner, you know, get ready. It's going to go down. But, yeah, no, it wasn't the greatest first day I'm a new part of the job.

Yeah, that's a great not now moment. Absolutely not now. I hope things get better for you, Liam. Derek, we've got Derek on the phone. How about you? It's a great not now moment. Not now. Absolutely not now. I hope things get better for you, Liam. Derek. Thank you. We've got Derek on the phone. How about you? What's going down, Derek?

Yesterday during that big storm, the dog tried to chew her way out of our garage door in the rental room at the mall. Oh, not now, poochy-wooch. Dogs do this when they get anxious, right? They chew on things, and if the thunder and everything's going off, the dog's just like, I'm going to chew my way out of here. Yeah, but it was a steel door, so she's actually punctured her way through it.

During the biting, she opened it up, and then she took off down the road, and the mistress had to go pick her up. Oh, my God. Man, that's a pretty cool thing to say. My dog chewed its way through a metal door. Yeah, that's a tough dog. On the other side of all of this, when we're looking back and laughing about the pandemic

and the Ukraine situation and global warming, and, you know, we've sorted all of these problems out. Sorted them. You'll be like, ha, and that was the time my dog chewed its way through a metal door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did your wife find the dog? Yeah, yeah, someone luckily picked her up and took her in during the storm

and then my wife picked her up, yeah. She'd eaten two cars by then, though. Yeah. She had a taste for metal. She was on her own. Thanks, Derek. Some other messages in. I just got to work and realised I'd forgotten socks for my shoes.

What, did they go to work barefooted? Not now. What do you mean? What shoes did you wear to work? Maybe they wear running shoes. I believe we've got Sam on the phone. Sam, you've forgotten your socks, you turkey. What's the socks sitch?

So I live 40 minutes away from work, and I always drive in bare feet. It's just pure habit. And I've just got to dropping the kids off at kindy before work and I wear vans and I've forgotten my socks.

Your feet are going to absolutely break tonight. There's going to be some pongy vans. Pongy pongy vans. Get some Grahams Remedy. I'd pick that up. That'll be at a shop near.

Go buy some socks. Yeah. Get supermarket socks. Supermarket socks. Supermarket socks. Not a quality sock. Not today. Not a quality sock. Not today, life.

Not today, Sam. Not today. No, not today. Thanks for your call, Sam. Someone just messaged in, as we're getting ready to leave home, our dishwasher started bubbling out the top. I was like, it's not supposed to be doing that. Not now.

Because I can't stay to see what happens. But I can't deal with it. Somebody said, yesterday my security cameras were stolen off my house. Got home and saw that there'd been, you know, a few things taken. I was like, I'll check the security cameras. And they took those too. They'd been taken too. Not now.

Not now. Yeah. Oh, dear. My wife just came in from school drop off and spoke the dreaded words, the engine light is on. Not now. Oh, not now. It wasn't even mean.

Not now. My computer broke on the first day of uni. Not now. I've been trying to get it fixed. Went to pick it up from the shop. Slipped over on the way out. Massive fall. Computer went flying across the parking lot.

Not now. The computer survived. Oh, phew. It landed in a puddle. Not now. Not now. Not now. I had a sore tooth at the weekend.

I thought, oh, not now. Yesterday I got so bad, I was like, probably better be now. And now I have to have all my wisdom teeth taken out. Oh, not now. Not now. No, when it comes to dentistry, now. Not now. Yes, no, not now.

You're talking to Vaughn, who's had a temporary cap on his molar for like 10 years. 11 and a bit years. That needed to get sorted now. Not now. No, yes, Vaughn, now. Not now. Somebody said,, born now. Not now. Somebody said, I just got a notification saying a mutant Deltacron's been discovered in the US.

Not now. Not now. Not now. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. It's lovely Lovely I could go all day I've never smoked a cigarette in my life You should try it Lovely. I could go all day. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life.

You should try it. Okay. Sure, why not? That seems like a cheap habit to just take up out of nowhere in 2022 with absolutely no health side effects. Today's fact of the day is every full moon has a name according to the old farmer's almanac. Pardon? I'll let that sit with you.

But the problem being the old farmer's almanac is a northern hemisphere farmer's almanac, which means do we have the reverse? Do we have a six-month delay on the name of the moon? For example, the moon, the full moon we just experienced in March in the Old Farmer's Almanac is known as the full worm, full, no, full worm full moon. Not the full worm moon. The full worm moon is what it's known as.

Jeez, I saw those words written together and it looked like some sort of cryptic password and I couldn't decipher exactly what it's known as. Jeez, I saw those words written together and it looked like some sort of cryptic password and I couldn't decipher exactly what it was. But the full worm moon is the one we've just experienced. Full worm. Because in the northern hemisphere, starting to defrost, looking for spring, and you're going to see more worms,

and specific worms, not like earthworms, but worms of like bugs that live in trees, the larvae that will be coming out of like frozen trees. So you see that and you're more likely to see them at that full moon. But because we're going into autumn, I wonder if we're six months ahead at the full corn moon. This just sounds like farmer's horoscope nonsense. It does, doesn't it?

No, because they all mean something and they all help the farmers out in some way. Like if they're like, oh, it's that moon. It's time to plant this crop. Or if it's that, it's time to do this, et cetera, et cetera. Like the full strawberry moon means that strawberry, it's the start of strawberry season. So it's time to get into strawberries.

This is a really niche fact of the day. What, have you never seen the moon? Have you never seen a moon? You've never seen the full the day. What? You've never seen the moon? Have you never seen a moon? You've never seen the full moon, have you? You've never seen a moon. Very niche. No one sees the moon. I don't care if it's strawberries or worms.

Well, they've got names. I'm just saying. You can seem slightly more, you know, knowledgeable on all things lunar. Right. Look, what I'm saying is, Fletch, the honeys out there love full moons. They charge their crystals.

They look up. They pray to the moon mother. They do a little bit of, well, yes, exactly. Moon bathing with the... Oh, your yoni out. You've got to have your yoni pointing to the full moon. Yeah, to charge. But not the worm moon.

Not the worm moon. No, you can't get worms up in your yoni. A strawberry moon is fine. Strawberry moon would be great. For your yoni. The full hunter worm moon. Not the worm moon. No, you can't get worms up in there. A strawberry moon is fine. Strawberry moon would be great. For your yoni. The full hunter's moon, the October full moon, and the full hunter's moon, that would be all right for a bit of. For a yoni.

You wouldn't get a hunter. Yoni shower. Give yourself a hunter-gatherer. All right. In a situation. So what I'm saying is, like, you're, like, every day closer to spinster, Fletch. What I'm saying is you need to start learning a bit more about these sorts of things that the honeys are into.

To attract the yoni honeys. The yoni honeys. To attract the honeys. And they'd be like, oh, yeah, well, I'm in isolation at the moment, but I think we should go for a date on the full pink moon. That's next month's moon. Full pink? Right, okay.

Don't go full pink on the first date. No, no. I say save something for the second date or third date. Save it a bit. I'm traditional. I save my full pink for marriage. Really? Right.

Some call me old fashioned. Well, what did you do on the worm moon, the full worm moon, when you first met your wife? I showed her my little worm. Did you give her full worms? She's like, is that a worm? I'm like, I don't want to talk about it. Oh, my God.

Okay. Put your farming almanac away. Yeah, I'll put away the farming almanac. I'll take it back to 1985 and use it to become a millionaire. So today's fact of the day is the moon we just experienced is the full worm moon next month. Prepare for the full pink moon. And then in May, the full flower moon.

But again, that's May in the northern hemisphere where everything's flowering. For us, it should be called miserable May moon.

Yeah, okay. May's always a bit of a bummer of a month here, I personally think. It's not yet winter. It's not. You've lost summer seems so far away.

It's just wet and sad. Yeah, so wet and saggy, soggy, soggy old May. Soggy old May moon. There you go, full sog moon. So there you go, do the outro. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

I doodle-a-doo-doo, doodle-a-doo-doo, doodle-a-doo-doo-doo, doodle-a-doo-doo, doodle-a-doo-doo. Well, it's time for the impossible phone-in topic, a topic that we think is so impossible that we won't get a single call. I think we're going to. I'll go out and say it. I don't think this is impossible. It's juicy. And this should be called the embarrassing,

because this must be embarrassing when it happens. Not that the person has done anything wrong at all. No, she hasn't. She has not done anything wrong. So there's a woman in the UK, her name's Hannah, and she met a, quote, unquote, lovely gentleman online. Are you meant to do the unquote after? Quote, lovely gentleman, unquote. A lot of people just do it together. lovely gentlemen online. Are you meant to do the unquote after?

Lovely gentlemen unquote. Yeah. A lot of people just do it together. A quote unquote lovely gentleman. Yeah. Yeah. Believe me. Oh, okay. That sounded better when you did it that way.

You mucked around. Yeah, I did. I was pissing around. You took the quote. Anyway, so she had been talking. You were taking liberties. You were taking liberties with the structure. I was control.

You know I'm in a funk. They'd been talking and they were absolutely getting on like a house on fire. It was love. She was absolutely in love with this person. Despite the distance, everything was looking great. And she said, you know what? I'm going to take a chance and I'm going to move from the UK to Singapore for you because I love you.

And it was like all on. And he was like, sure, come on down. Yeah. Then she touched down in Singapore and instantly regretted it. So she shared, it was her on TikTok and she was like, woo, here I am.

I'm off to Singapore. Doot and doot and do. And then the next one was when you moved to Singapore to meet the guy you've been talking to for months and he's married. Oh, wow. Yeah.

So she found out almost instantly that he was married. Doesn't actually go into detail about how she found out. Yeah, because did, and was he wanting her to join the marriage as a third person or he was like, now I've got a mistress that lives in another apartment. Yes, I think that the latter, that he was hoping she'd just stay around and she was like, um, just taking a little umbrage, I guess, with the wife situation.

So, I mean, very sad. She's gone back home to the UK and... I hope she didn't have a leaving party. Oh, no! I'm out of here, bitches! I'm trying didn't have a leaving party. I know. She might have. I'm out of here, bitches. Yeah, I'm trying to travel the world, guys.

The wanderlust got too much for me. I'm a free bird. I can't be in this cage called the UK for a minute longer. I've found Mr. Right. He's in Singapore. We's moving, isn't we? Yeah. And then next week, guys, I'm back.

Simple sucks. Can I get my job at Primark back? Yeah. Leeds is the place for me. So our impossible phone today is, when did you discover they were already married? Oh, yeah, this is good. You were jumping waist deep in

but then what about what about those people that get into relationships with people and then they find out they were married for like student loan benefits

in the 90s or 2000s that counts because it's something that you should have discussed oh okay no unless you went to get married

and they were like oh whoopsie I've got to get divorced first. Yes. And it was just a student loan thing, but they'd never brought it up. You'd think if you were at the point of marrying them,

they would have said, oh, we got married for student loan purposes. But I think we're looking for someone who's gone all in for someone, not just you went on a date and then he revealed he was married, but like you went all in. You thought it was going to move into a future. And then you found out that they were actively

still married. It's the impossible phone let's remember. Yeah, it is. Exactly. You've got to make these hoops a little harder to jump through. It's 11 minutes away from nine.

The impossible phone-in topic. Yeah, we're trying to find out if anyone has discovered that the person they were in love with is already married. After a woman moved from the UK to Singapore only to discover the person she'd be talking to online for months had an active

wife. Well, impossible it was not. Because we have some of these, I'm going to read some text messages after this. One of them, somebody said, well, kind of, but also kind of the opposite. That's all I'm going to tell you about that message. Oh, wow.

It's a pretty good little story there. So we're going to go to Anonymous. Anonymous 1, good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Well done on knowing that you were indeed Anonymous 1 and not Anonymous 2. You are Anonymous 1, yes. We want a lot of anonymous callers.

We'll talk later. When were they married? I met him speed dating. So at a dedicated single speed dating event. Well, he better not have been married. He was at a speed dating event. Yeah, you would think. Uh-oh.

You would think. Uh-oh. You would think. And he kind of told me the story that he was separated. They had been separated for a year and a bit. And kind of like his ex, yeah, he described her as his ex had had an affair. And so they were, and so he was trying to move on. And little things just didn't quite add up, but I was kind of keep telling myself, no, you're being too cynical. You just need to be trusting.

Open up your heart, Anonymous. Open up and let him in. Yeah, yeah. And about two months into the relationship, up to this point, he had met my family, I had met his children, and had, you know, sort of taking on this, you know, nurturing potential step-parent role. And then his wife called me at work to say, I just really want to thank you for being such a good friend to such and such. And even lending him this book, a book that I had lent him for our relationship.

You've really helped him in our relationship and we're back together. And then I called him to say, what? And he said, I can't believe she did this. She's tried to sabotage relationships in the past. And then we kind of went through this, and then he kind of said, I think we just need to take a break so I can sort all this stuff out and protect you, and then we'll be back together. And then it kind of stuff didn't add up,

and I actually got in touch with her and kind of got the story from her side, which actually made a lot more sense, including that they were still being intimate and still getting together. He's just trying to gaslight every woman in his life by the sounds of things. Yeah, yeah. It was really messed up. Top quality bloke you got there, Anonymous.

Happy ending. A year and a bit later, I went speed dating again and met my husband. Yay! Happy ending. Or so you think, but he's my husband. We're married. All right, the impossible phone-in topic.

When did you find out they were married? Impossible phone-in. Not that impossible as it turns out. When did you discover they were already married? A lovely young lass flew from the UK to Singapore to be with her boyfriend that she'd been talking to online turns out when she got there that was when he said by the way i'm married never trust anyone ever ever that's my life motto can't go wrong that's why you're isolating on

your own yeah that too yeah but there's no one that can do me wrong exactly and yeah and you know when you can pass cover on to and extend your isolation. Crazy old cat lady when they find her body and toes have been nibbled off. We've already proven that it's not impossible. We have more calls. Anonymous number two. Welcome to the show. Good morning.

Now tell us this juicy tale. So long story short, I guess we were together for 18 months. I met him on internet dating. And everything was fine. It was a long distance relationship, which, you know, these happen every day. Saw him a lot. So I didn't really think anything of it. And I guess a little bit into it

I started to have a few red flags But you know it was kind of impossible With the amount of time that we spent together And just kind of You know pushed it aside You know Christmases Long weekends, holidays, all of that So you know it's not

It's not possible So that was fine Anyway You're still trying to convince yourself long weekends, holidays, all of that. So, you know, it's not possible. So that was fine. You sound like you're still trying to convince yourself. It's just not, looking back on it, it's just not possible. So when did you find out he was married then? Well, I was six weeks pregnant unexpectedly. What?

And he air quote, you know, whatever, decided he didn't want children and couldn't do it. So that was it. Wow. And? There were questions. There were red flags obviously, like I said. And lots of stuff started to come

out of the woodwork, which strongly, strongly pointed in that direction. I won't go into detail, but it just would blow your mind. Anyway, the final straw was when I was at a play date with my new baby at my friend's house. And this car pulls up. And I know exactly whose car it is. It's his car. What's he doing there? It's daddy's car.

What does daddy want? What does daddy want? And a lady with a baby jumps out. Another baby. He's firing him off left, right and centre. And that's the woman he was married to? Yeah. Jeepers creepers.

So he was quite fertile. Very fertile. The babies are about, I don't know, six weeks apart. Wow. Okay, amazing. No. Oh, amazing. No. Oh, we've lost her. We've lost her.

Some messages. Amazing story. Some messages in. A lot of them. Yeah, so many of them. My kid's grandfather went to Thailand to meet a lady. They said meet the middy. Meet a lady.

Meet a lady that I've been talking to online. Got there. Find out she had nine kids and technically still married. Far out. Nine kids. Nine. Wowza. Somebody else said, I found out my fiancé of four years

had a wife back in his homeland and was using me to get residency here in New Zealand. He'd been teaching me his language. However, I overheard a conversation he was having with his fiancée, not his mum like he always said he was talking to on the phone. It was actually his fiancée. And even his family were in on it. We'd bought a house together, a dog, a cat, a car, you name it.

We were set up. We'd been together for four years. His family offered to pay entirely for our wedding, which they wanted to be a big one. And his family were always so lovely to me. And it's because they wanted to keep me on side to get the residency. That is wild. And he was married the whole time.

We've got another caller through. Amber, not anonymous, you own your story. Amber, tell us what happened. Oh, yeah, I definitely own this story. So this is actually a story from my dad. May he rest in peace. He met a woman through his job and fell in love with her. She would come around for sleepovers and all of that, head over heels with this woman.

And then it started getting quite serious. And then after a few months, she broke the news to him that she was married. And she did the whole, I'm going to call it off. I love you. But I'm also pregnant with our IVF baby. Oh, wow. She was actively IVFing with her husband. And so my dad and I, we had a big fallout about it.

She's not leaving her husband. I've got this plan, you know. Come on, Dad. And he didn't want to say it. And then he suddenly passed away in the middle of it. And we sort of had to clean up the mess. And she wanted to come to the funeral. No, no, she can't come.

She's not invited. She tried to name, well, she did. She named her baby after Dad. No, no, no, no come. She's not invited. She tried to name, well, she did. She named her baby after Dad. No, no, no, no. No. Does the husband know that this baby is named after the man that she was having an affair with? Mm-mm.

And they are still together and they have three kids now. That's a juicy little steak. That was wild. I would have used the line, Sheila Sheila I want to come To the funeral I'll be like Bitch if you come To this funeral It's going to be a two for one

Because I'm going to kill you Yeah I'm real good At threatening lines Where I'm going to kill someone Amber I will say I did threaten her

When she mentioned coming Yes you did Wow Oh my god What a wild story Oh Amber Thank you so much So wild

And the impossible Finding topic again It wasn't impossible was it? Wait I've got this one that I said I was going to read out. Okay. Someone said kind of the opposite but seeming the same. I posted on Facebook a happy anniversary to my husband while working from home.

Unfortunately for him he'd left himself logged onto our home computer and immediately it started blipping with a please explain message from his girlfriends who he had told he was separated slash divorced from me. Happy 8th wedding anniversary to me.

Happy anniversary. Oh my God. What's the traditional gift that year? Is it a stabbing? Yeah, I think it's cutlery in the back. 8th anniversary. Linen and lace. Yeah.

Soundkeeper Owls, good morning. Good morning. Are you getting hassled online? Are people like, come on, just give me a guess. I know it. Yeah, some people are messaging, DMing, going, hey, I know it. Let me have a go. I 100% know it.

Someone asked for no more clues, which I haven't been asked for. They don't want any more clues. They haven't. They know it. Someone said don't give anybody else any more clues because it's just now it's a matter of me getting through and then I 100% win. Yep. Yep.

So crazy amount of responses. It's funny. All right. Well, Jade joins us. Good morning, Jade. Morning. Good morning. All right, Jade. Is this your first time guessing the Good morning, Jade. Morning. Good morning. All right, Jade.

Is this your first time guessing the secret sound, Jade? Yeah, this is my first time calling, though. No pressure, no pressure, Jade. Okay. I would say tons of pressure. Yeah, tons of pressure. There's a lot of pressure. Yeah, but pressure makes diamonds.

Pure pressure. It does. Have you seen the clue? Have you seen the guesses that we've had so far? Yeah, I was scrolling through the Instagram this morning trying to figure out what it might be. Okay, because there's some good guesses in there. Specific guesses as well.

Very specific. All right, well, $50,000 is up for grabs. It's all yours if you can tell us what this sound is. What do you think it is, Jade? Is it a ball being passed around? Any type of ball? Or just a generic ball? Like a gridiron ball?

A gridiron ball? An American football ball. The old pigskin. The old laces out What? Give me one more What? The old The old ball

There we go I just wanted another one The old pigskin And it's the sound When someone catches it, right? Yeah, that's right Okay, we'll lock that in Like slapping in the hand

Yeah, to me it sounds Okay, we'll lock that in. Like slapping in the hand. Yeah, to me it sounds more plastic than it does like... We've had a lot of plastic-based guesses though so far and so far no good. Would you be bold enough in 2020 to be promoting plastic? Cancelled. Yeah, I'm ready to cancel you to be a telemarketer. We'll find out. Jade? Yes? Yeah, I'm ready to cancel you. No comment. We'll find out.

Jade? Yeah? Damn, this music's good. That is not the secret sound. Alright, Jade, hard luck. We've got another chance coming up at 8. It is ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.