ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 22nd September 2022

Episode Date: September 21, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe, Download, Scan and play the Monopoly game at Maccas to be into one. I just needed to take a breath there, mid-sentence. A little long COVID. Now, Vaughan, I think before we talk about the life jackets, which you flagged here for the podcast intro. Buffet review.

We do need a buffet review. Yes, we were so jealous. Yeah, so went in, didn't, as I said, didn't fuck with soups, dinner rolls, any of that jazz. Went straight to meat. Yep. Started off with steak and a sausage and some onion rings. What? Some onion bit all cooked on this thing. It's like a backyard barbecue.

This is a fancy buffet. This is the different stations of the buffet, and Sade's like, you're supposed to start with seafood. You've gone too heavy too early. I said, woman, don't tell me how to eat. There was a whole like, well, we'll see who can eat more plates. I said, you're not filling your plates up as much as I am. Yeah.

The kids were like, stop fighting. And I'm like, stop fighting. And I'm like, we'll fight. There was a little bit of a friendly rivalry at the buffet. Did you win? Did you win though? Yeah, I did. Yeah, of course you did. Tell you what, disappointing to look at your kids,

what they're getting at a buffet. Oh, what a waste of money. What a waste of money. At a buffet. Rice, a naan bread, and a little bit of like butter chicken sauce and like two cubes of chicken. Oh, that is fucking disappointing. Okay, so there was an Italian station at this buffet.

Yeah. And I said that it shouldn't be called the Italian station. It should be called the fucking child's, excuse my language, I just get very passionate about this. I know you do. It should be called the child's station. If you're paying top dollar to go to this fancy ass buffet and you're eating mac and cheese or spaghetti with meatballs

why aren't you just eating it at home? Yeah, leave the kids at home next time. And then there was pizzas but they were just like ordinary pizzas. That's the kids station. Is the kids price for the buffet way cheaper? Oh, significantly. Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah. I mean there were some other kids there from other families who really

knew how to eat. They made up for it. They made me very proud. I didn't even know their names. Was there moose? There was moose, yes. The kids went pretty hard on the moose. Did you fuck with the moose? No, I didn't fuck with the moose. Because they had all these different little desserts. So I got one

of each of those, but I was already pushing it out by then. I heard the bread and butter pudding was amazing. It wasn't. It was stodgy as shit. That's carbs. That's carbs. What do you think Moose is? Carbs weren't on my problem list at this buffet.

He started with a steak and a sausage and onion. No, but it's filler. And then I went up there. One stage my plate had ostrich, kangaroo, that tar, that T-A-H-R thing, that goatee looking thing from South Island. I had like an array of wild meats. Were you just eating everything at Dream World? I was, yes.

Effectively eating my way through Australian wildlife. Oh, right. Okay. But the life jacket story, just a quick side note. We went to buy life jackets yesterday and we walked in and the guy said, what size are you after? And I pointed at myself. I said, big boy.

Like that. Oh, fine. He was a hunting and fishing store. This old mate did not know What to do Charlie had to hide Because she was laughing so much At the lack of reaction

And I just love Calling myself cute Or like a big boy To old mates Who I know I don't know how they're going to be able to handle it We used to go to a brunch spot in Wellington And the big breakfast

Was called the big boy breakfast And every time we went Aaron had to say I'll get the big breakfast And I said no you're not What are you getting called the big boy breakfast. And every time we went, Aaron had to say, I'll get the big breakfast. And I said, no, you're not. What are you getting? The big boy breakfast. Big boy breakfast for the big boy.

Yeah. That's my advice to you out in the world today. Refer to yourself as cute or a big boy. Now, did you buy your size life jacket pre the buffet? Pre the buffet. Might need to go back. It had room. It had stretch.

Oh, good. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. And happy World Car Free Day. Happy World Car Free Day. Happy World Car Free Day.

We've teamed up with journalists to promote this day. You know, we're saving the planet. We are. Doing our bit. Vaughn rode an e-bike to work today. Well, yeah, I... Dude, put your headphones on. What are you doing?

I'm exhausted. No, you're not. No, I was just about to say, less like I rode an e-bike and more like the e-bike towed me in. Why have you dimmed the lights? She said it was too bright. This isn't a cocktail bar. This is so nice now. No.

These could go down a bit. I didn't know that they dimmed. No, they're going up. We've been sitting in the... We're not sitting here in the dark. Bright, direct light. We've been sitting in a white refrigerator. It makes you fall asleep.

Hey, Fletch and I have taken the next step in our relationship. I stayed the night. Had a sleepover. I mean, separate rooms. We had a little sleepover. Sure. Well, we'll just let the listeners decide what they want to make of that. They can draw their own conclusions.

We already have, haven't they? Yep. We scooted to work on World Car Free Day. I mean, I do this every day. I'm an eco-warrior. I cannot believe how much you're saving the planet. Thank you. On a daily.

Yeah. For me. Leave some of the planet for the rest of us to save. Don't hold them for saving. Well, you're more than welcome to jump in whenever. Have a slice. Yeah. Prizes today as well.

The ZM Black Thunders will become ZM e-bikes. Yeah. Bike Thunders. Bike Thunders. Please. The marketing team took hours to come up with Bike Thunders. It's important that we use the term. We'll be a big part of it.

Bike Thunders. Bike Thunders, because they're usually called black thunders. Yeah, so if you and your friends, your family are taking part in World Car Free Day with Jen Les, register at ZM Online and the bike thunders could be peddling around and hooking you up with some prizes. I'm assuming they'll have little satchels or backpacks with prizes in them. I should probably go and put the bike thunder I used on charge there. Yes. Yes, you should.

Because I used a couple of cells on the old back. Yeah. All right. Coming up on the show, the top six. And the Prime Minister. Oh, yeah. She's working with Emmanuel Macron. The French president.

They're waging war on algorithms. Yeah. I don't know exactly're waging war on algorithms. Yeah. I don't know exactly how one wages war on algorithms, but they're doing it. I mean, his name's Macron. That sounds like a computer thing anyway. Well, I mean, there's a good algorithm. Like, you know, if you're on TikTok and you're watching something that you love and then the next clump is also something you love, great.

But then there's bad algorithms that put you down a, you know, a terrorist white supremacist hole. Fake news. You know, fake news. False information rabbit hole. Exactly. You want to dodge those ones. Yeah, but sometimes you can learn a few things.

You know what I mean? Just open up your mind, man. Open up your mind, sheep. Yeah. Like you just need to. Yeah, totally. In other ways, just stick in your own lane. Sometimes you can learn, you can change.

So coming up on the show, the top six dealing with this. Can you get your vaccine sucked out of you? Can you get it reversed? Vacuumed out? Wasn't it Pete Evans? Pete Evans selling a vaccine? He's got a vaccine sucking machine. It's just $499 plus postage.

Oh my God, what a bargain. What a bargain, yeah. He's got to buy a new crystal for it every month. He stands by the technology. It's 100% works. Yeah, tested? Yeah, tested a bargain, yeah. He's got to buy a new crystal for it every month. He stands by the technology. It's 100% works. True. Yeah, tested? Yeah, tested.

Oh, wow. All right, well, where do I insert my credit card details? I'll give you those. I'll sort you out with that. Vaughn will take your payment. Do I just text them to you? Yeah, Vaughn will take your payment. Take a photo of the credit card and the back of the credit card.

Yeah, that'd be great. And send it on through. Secret Sound coming up this morning at 7 and 8. And we'll give you the QJumper spot at 9 o'clock as well if you want to have a shot at that $100,000 cash. Next on the show, though, there's uproar, there's upset. People are not happy with a brand new TV show in America. It sounds insane.

It's called Ring Nation. We'll explain what Ring Nation is next. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. A new TV show in America launching on Amazon. Starring, well, hosted by Wanda Sykes. She'll be voicing over, I'd imagine. Yeah. She's fantastic.

She is amazing. Always on Cuba enthusiasm. Very funny woman things drying up are they always blows my mind in America

what is that show there's a show oh it's that Alec Baldwin one where he walks around holding the thin microphone you ever seen that

what's that show called Alec Baldwin like a game show with Alec Baldwin. Oh, yes. It's so terrible, but they get like really well-known comedians on there. Yeah, and Alec Baldwin hosted. Yeah. It's not Family Feud.

It's not Wheel of Fortune. Well, she must be getting paid a lot of money. She will be commentating or giving her uh comedic views to on this show ring nation to people's ring doorbell camera footage and people are not happy about this so you just send like america's funniest home videos yeah but it's you send in your ring footage yeah so for those that don't know ring doorbells um uh you know they're a doorbell, but they have a ring light and a camera. Yeah. And this is how you always see those videos and footage of people stealing Amazon packages, porch pirates.

Yes. People slipping down their stairs. Yeah, there they are. That is funny. I think we're going to see a lot of that on Ring Nation. Why are people upset about it? Why are people upset about it? So 40 privacy and racial justice groups have signed an open letter demanding that the studio cancel Ring Nation,

calling it a dystopian reality TV show based on security footage. They say that it risks normalising and promoting a dangerous network of surveillance cameras. Nah, it's a doorbell. Yeah. And I'm imagining they would have to get people's permission. Like, say for example, a courier driver comes

and drops a package and then slips down the icy stairs and it's hilarious. Oh, yeah, that's their permission. But what if a courier driver drove up and then just threw the package from the vehicle and didn't get out and it said fragile on it? I think you'd still, if you could see them, you'd

still need their permission, right? Especially in America where everyone sues everyone. I mean, it sounds like it's just going to be a silly home video show. Yeah, it's pretty much America's... They probably wouldn't show videos of people committing crimes or being careless. It's just going to be people slipping down the stairs.

It'll be like that show, you know, all the dash cam footage. Yeah. Those craziest police highway chases. Yeah, I always wanted to have it get so much. I assumed it was from insurance companies. Because you would submit your dash cam footage to insurance companies, right? Yeah.

I've got a dash cam. Do you? Yeah, it's not on. What? Because the idea is you set them up, they constantly record, and it's only when something happens that you're like, you press a button and it saves that specific file, like the last

10 minutes or something. Yeah, but see that's good for you if someone hits you, but it's not good for you if you hit someone. Is that when you just put the dash cam in the glove box and it wasn't there, it wasn't plugged in. Yeah, I want to get mine going actually.

I've got to replace the battery and get a memory card. Because the Russians always have great, because I think they have to have them, or there's so many in Russia, and you always see amazing footage. I don't think you can get insurance without them, or when you get insurance, they give you one. Right.

Because Russians are so wild. I remember this. I stumbled across this when looking for a fact of the day once about the person that started Ring, the company. Right. It was called Doorbot. And they went on Shark Tank. Oh, okay. And they were like, I'm after $700,000 for the company, investment in the company.

I think it's worth about $7 million. Yeah. And then they were like, Kevin O'Leary, who I don't know, but is apparently on Shark Tank. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he is. I love Shark Tank. Said, I will buy it off you. And the person was like, no.

And then just being on Shark Tank meant an extra $5 million in sales. And then Shaquille O'Neal bought an equity stake in Ring. And then in 2018, they sold to Amazon for somewhere between $1.2 and $1.8 billion. Wow. Silly sharks. Yeah, the sharks didn't really pounce on that one, did they? No.

They had that delicious little fish go. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Vape stores. They're everywhere. Oh, good. They're always very brightly lit. Who do I know? Oh, a friend of mine years and years and years ago

had the opportunity to buy into Vapo and he passed it up because he didn't think it was going to be a thing. He was like, this is a passing fad. Isn't it? And now he would have made a lot of money. But also like having a vape store, like, at any moment... Ram raid. Yeah, that.

But also at any moment the government could be, like, cracking down on it. Yeah. Because it's a bit of a wild west, right? You guys remember Party Pills? Oh, my God. Party Pills and Cosmic Corners. Legal highs. Legal weed.

Yeah, and those things were popping up left, right and centre, and then it was like, no. And it took a little longer than I expected, to be weed. Yeah, and those things were popping up left, right and centre and then it was like, no! And it took a little longer than I expected, to be honest. Yeah. Oh my God, party pill. Do you think the government's just stoked that people aren't smoking? Yeah, definitely they are, but it's so early in the lifespan of vaping that the health risks are still, you know, to be confirmed.

How weird is it when you see someone ripping an analogue smoke? I was at the lights yesterday and thinking the same thing. I could smell smoke and I was like, you just don't smell it as much now. You just don't know as many smokers now. You smell grapes and strawberries. Literally, you name it, it's a vape flavour. Well, they've figured out the region

with the highest number of vape stores. Is this per capita? Per capita. And I love a per capita. Yeah, me too, because now it's not going to be Auckland. Ooh, there are tons. I don't know. There are a lot.

There are tons here. We just lost a bike store in Kiumiu. Oh, yeah, to a vape store. To a vape, reopened as a vape store. Yeah. Where I live, I'm always like not going to say it because someone put that weird letter in my mailbox. Yeah. Where I live, I'm always like not going to say it because someone put that weird letter in my mailbox. Yeah.

But where I live, we've got two dairies, a cafe, a real estate agent and a vape store. Wow. One of the, you know, one of your primary industries. That's the strip and you're like, what? Really? Yeah. But hey, I mean Aaron goes in there, Aaron vapes. Was there ever and then and this may be the dumbest question,

but was there ever just stores that just dealt with durries? Like I know there's cigar shops, but they're always like cigars and whiskey and you go there and you're like, my dad's turning 60, what can I buy him a nice place? But I don't know if there was ever stores that were just, that was my rainbow choice. I told you I don't want to go to school today. That is not your voice if your dad is turning 60.

That's your voice if your dad is turning 1,000. What if your dad was very old when he had you? This is my little kid's voice. Oh, no, that sounds like an elderly man. That sounds like a voice you've lost to too much smoking. Yeah, but was there ever just a store you could walk into that was just wall-to-wall smokes? No, it was always like petrol stations and supermarkets and dairies.

But you can get vapes at petrol stations and supermarkets and dairies as well, so why do we need a whole store dedicated to you? Because sometimes they're like specialists. The dairies don't always do the juices, all the different flavoured juices. They have all the pods and stuff. Oh, okay. Well, the region with the most vape stores... Otago. Pairafiti.

So like northeast. Gizzy. Gizzy region. Yeah, right. Oh, because it's fairly sparsely populated. But look at it, listen to it comparatively. So, um So there are two vape retailers for every 10,000 people in Auckland.

That's still a lot, right? There's 1.2 for every 10,000 people in Canterbury and about 1.3 for every 10,000 people in Wellington. However, in the Gizzy region, there's five per 10,000. Oh, wow.

Jeez. That's a lot. So many people are like not happy. How many people are there? 30,000, 40,000? So there would be 20 odd stores? Yeah. In Gizzy? Yeah.

So along Gisborne's main street, Gladstone Road, eight vape retailers within a few hundred metres of each other. Oh, wow. In 2021, it was found that almost 26% of students reported vaping. That was a youth, an asthma foundation study of the youth.

So like if a quarter of students are vaping or trying vaping. I mean, it's not good for you. Let's point that out. It's definitely not healthy for you. But they don't quiteing. I mean, it's not good for you. Let's point that out. It's definitely not healthy for you. It's not healthy for you. But they don't quite know. I mean, years ago, years and years ago, doctors prescribed cigarettes.

And now, oh my God. This woman's hysterical. Get her a box of Joe Camel. Smell one of these, love. Now I feel calm. My baby has stopped kicking. Thank God, she's leaving me alone now. Okay, so here's the non-per capita.

Number of specialist vape retailers in the Tairawhiti region, Gisborne, 25. But that's a small little place. 25. That is insane. In Gisborne. Auckland? Oh my God, no, I'll leave Auckland last. Northland, 35.

Southland, 18. Taranaki, 21. Hawke's Bay, 30. Otago. 21 in the Naki though, that's still a lot. You telling me, the Naki would love a break. We get a bit further down. There's some big numbers. Wellington, 71.

Canterbury, 79. Nelson-Tasman, 16. Auckland, 359. What? 359. That is insane. See, there would never be 300 smoke stores. No.

Would there? There would have been. One day, do you think, when I say one day, five years from now, we're going to look back at this and be like, oh, my God. That was nuts, man. That was crazy. Like we did with the party pills. Yeah, we're like, that was loose.

Oh, my gosh. Play it. Zed Amps, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. The Queen is dead. Long live the King. Breaking news. Breaking news. I saw a very good tweet from an account called Internet Explorer

at the weekend that said the queen has died. Oh, that's funny. Classic Internet Explorer. Also, nearly two weeks, right? Yeah. It has been, yeah. Tomorrow, two weeks. Yeah, it is. Wow, and of course we get Monday off

The long weekend Thank you, Queen Thank you, Queen Thank you Thank you So, 29 million people watched The Queen's funeral on the TV Now that's in the UK

That's the UK, yeah We don't have worldwide Love to know a worldwide figure. Can we compare those viewership numbers to how many people watch Have You Been Paying Attention each week, Friday nights, 8.30 on 2? We can compare. I don't think either of our egos need that at this time of the day. On a Thursday when we've got to record later today.

31. So, less people watch the Queen's funeral and watch the climax of England's Euro 2020 final defeat against Italy. Remember when they made the Euro finals for the football? So more people watched the football than watched the Queen's funeral. So how many people did you say in the UK? 29 million people. Because I found that seven hours ago, the Radio Times put out a story saying 37.5 million in the UK watched it.

And globally, 4 billion. 4 billion. 4 billion people. So, it breaks it down. How many billion people are there in the world? Seven. Eight? I think we're up near eight now.

About 5 billion. But then how many billion don't have televisions? Yeah. Or even. The majority. Yeah. Well. Not the majority. They're saying 4 billion. I have televisions? Yeah, the majority. Yeah. Not the majority. They're saying 4 billion.

I mean, they could just be making up this number. That doesn't feel right. Because you're talking at 4 billion, you've got to be a huge part of China, all of America, the South Southern Americas. Yeah, but what about tribes in Africa? I don't think they sort of got together and wheeled out the TV. No.

They're also not a huge part of the population. No. So in the UK, it was broadcast on more than 50 channels. Yes. Because do you remember there was that one channel that said, we're not doing it and we're... The emoji. The emoji movie.

Yes. Guys. Yes. Guys. I mean, at least you've got to have something for the kids to watch. Yeah, I suppose. While the mum and dad are watching the funeral. Actually, that's smart.

You go watch this on the other telly. The most watched TV event in the UK history. They're saying it might be the Queen's funeral, but then it wasn't as much as Euro. And, okay, this is the year. A lot of people watch that, the Great British Bake Off. The Bake Off final. The Bake Off final was so insane because when it went to ad breaks,

everyone went to make a cup of tea. It, like, spiked the grid. Absolutely drained the power grid. Yeah. Does that happen on your baking show? Yeah, again, can we compare? Because I was just ready to report. Okay, I don't think you need it.

The final where Nadia Hussain, who was the first Muslim contestant on the great British Bake Off, was like the most watched, you know, British thing in years. Right. I would have thought Princess Diana's funeral would have been up there, but. How many was that? I don't know. I don't know.

Right. Oh, hold on. Here we go. I've just clicked on this is the most watched special events in the history of the United Kingdom. The funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales, 32.1 million. Okay. That's big.

The 1966 FIFA World Cup final, England versus West Germany, that was 32 million. A royal family documentary in 1969 was 30 million. Yeah, so the Queen's funeral pipped the wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Diana.

Okay. Just. God, they love the royals, don't they? They love a royal. They love a royal. Yeah, so she's, yeah, she's down

at number 10, the state funeral of Elizabeth II, the 10th most watched thing in UK history. Hmm. I'm trying to more we're hurting

do a feature. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. God, the girls at the booth, they love that song, don't they? Love it. God, they're absolutely having a party. It made me feel a thousand years old. Well, yeah, I don't know if that song.

Blew his house with a blue little window and a blue Corvette and everything was blue in his world! How terrible! Why are they more scared? Didn't that happen to you when you took a pill in Cambodia? Didn't you start seeing blue? When he took a party pill. Didn't you take an off-brand Viagra and you were just like,

everything turned blue? This is not for on here. And you were scared. And they wrote a song, a hilarious, jaunty little number about it. Wow. And yeah, Fletch called me and I had a panic. And the worst part about it was when he called me saying, I've taken something, I can see blue.

I was like, what was it? And he said an off-brand Viagra and all I imagined was he had a rager while he was talking to me. That is not what happened. Absolute libel and slander and you'll hear from my lawyer later.

Moving right along. Well, if taking a blue pill in Cambodia is not quite your vibe and you're more of a little tipple like me. A celebrity... Sorry, there was a little burp that came up. Can we cancel today?

Wrap it up. Somebody's used all their energy cycling to work. Wrap it up. I feel insane today. Man, lucky we don't have long day. Oh, we do. Anyway, a celebrity trainer,

his name is Magnus Lidgbock. Yeah. He trains the likes of old Ruffalo, Mark Ruffalo, Gal Gadot, Alexander Skarsgård. These are hot bods. These are hot bods. Okay. He says that if you want to lose weight, you want to become shredded,

rock a six pack, you don't have to give up the booze. You're going to have to give up beer, that's for sure. Yeah, there's a lot of carbs. And a lot of your wines. So this is disastrous for me. This will be a good list if you're getting in shape for summer. You want that beach bod. If you're shredding for the

wedding, if you're doing a summer shred. But you still want to be social and have a few drinks at the weekend. Absolutely. You've got to have some joy in life when you're on a diet. So he's given his five favourite drinks that you can still enjoy if you want to lose weight.

Which honestly you shouldn't last too short. Just live your life. Lay it on me. Is Prosecco on the list? Because you know we love a bottle of Proz. Oh my god, I love Proz. Oh, my God, I love the Proz. I had one of them to myself yesterday. Enjoy that.

Journey to home. He said, cheers to weight loss with an Aperol Spritz, which does have Prosecco in it. Yeah, it does. Usually made with Prosecco, but Magnus says that you should opt for an unsweet white wine. I thought Prosecco was... Well, you can get a dry. You can get a dry, yuck. an unsweet white wine. I thought Prosecco was... Well, you can get a dry.

You can get a dry, yuck. Go for a dry wine, a sugar-free wine. That's so American. Yeah. No, no, no. How do you even make wine without sugar? Isn't it a crucial part of fermentation? Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know. So his way of doing an Aperol Spritz is one part dry white wine, one part Aperol, one part sparkling water. I'm losing faith in this guy. His next one, vodka soda. That's a classic. The Skinny Bee. Yep.

It's just classic. That's your classic diet drink. This one delights me. And it's high in protein, whiskey sour. Oh, yeah, because you have a bit of frothy egg. Egg white's the straight protes, bruh. Right. I love a whiskey sour. It's the dirtiest of box.

But yeah, lemony, whiskey, egg white. Give it a shake. Yum. A white wine watermelon spritzer. I hate wine spritzers. Have you ever had those? Why are they trying to make wine Wine watermelon spritzer. Ew. I hate wine spritzers. Oh, yeah. Have you ever had those?

They're not huge here. Why are they trying to make wine spritzers a thing? I've had a couple of them. Are they the same as seltzers? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Seltzers. Yeah, they yuck. Yuck.

Who likes those? They yuck. Oh, he keeps adding sparkling water to his wine. He said get a dry wine, add sparkling water, and put a wedge of watermelon in it. Guy's an idiot. You really liked this guy before. Ooh.

Okay. Yuzu fizz. I love a bit of yuzu. Oh, yeah. What's yuzu? Remember when I had it on Friday? Yeah. I had a yuzu.

Yuzu's like a citrus, like a Japanese citrus. Okay. And you can do dry kava, which is basically a Prosecco. Yeah. And a yuzu sake. I'm in. I'm back with this guy. Okay.

And those are the drinks that will help if you're... No, they're not going to help. They're not going to help. But they're not going to derail it as much. Yeah, if you're on a journey to health, they're better than like a sugary RTD. Better than a beer, better than a glass of... Unless you drink a hundred of them.

Yeah, that's not helping you, is it? That's not on the journey. No. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hi there. Turn on my own microphone.

Had one bloody job. Today's top six. Jacinda's in New York at the United Nations. She's getting around, isn't she? Yeah, she hitched a ride there from the Queen's funeral with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on his plane. And Clark got a lift home with the Aussies. So where's our plane?

Do we use all the budget? Did that break down again? I bet it did. It probably did. How embarrassing. Yeah, God, we need a new plane. We need a new plane. I know that they don't want to buy a new plane

because everyone will be like, oh, you're the Prime Minister, you need a flash plane, do you? But you can't be going on all these overseas... We can't afford a bloody head of broccoli. Surely there's an old one sitting in a desert. No, that's the problem, Vaughan. Can we keep buying old ones? They need to buy a new one.

New Zealanders, though, we love to op shop. But you're right, maybe after the pandemic, just buy some old airlines five-year-old plane or something. An old Qantas or something. That's been out in the desert in the Mojave, dry conditions. So the Prime Minister and Emmanuel Macron, the French Prime Minister or President? Do you say, is it?

President. It's President. It's President. They're not part of the Commonwealth. Oh, right. Okay, so they have announced measures to tackle algorithms driving people to extremism. So not the algorithm that drives you from one dance to the next.

Or from one shop to the next. Bad algorithms. Well, if they're dealing with algorithms, I've got the top six algorithms I personally would like to see addressed. Okay. Number six on the list. My bloody kid's ruining my YouTube algorithm. I'm trying to curate a vibe here on YouTube. Little tractors restoring old metal things

and Malaysian men digging underground pools in the jungle with no tools. Yeah. And it's been interrupted with these a-hole rich kids doing lame pranks on each other and they're all driving Teslas. Yeah. Yeah, they're all driving these Teslas.

I hate when you look up on your YouTube, like, how to fix something, and then you get lots of fix-it videos, and you're like, no, no, no, I just wanted the one. Just wanted it. Just the one. It's good to have that in the back pocket. Yeah. Number five on the list of the top six algorithms I want to see addressed,

Twitter. I don't want to see motivational tweets from people my friends think are hot. They might be attractive, but that endless nonsensical inspo prose that they spout is not worthy of a here's a tweet you might enjoy. Yeah. That felt... It was. It was. It was aimed at me.

It was. It was aimed directly at me. It was still very hot. Maybe stop sharing quotes directly at you. Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six algorithms I personally would like to see addressed.

That TikTok FYP page. Although I think the P stands for page. For you page. Really, do I open the top? When I do, I'm so confused. I could easily be mislabeled as a pest.

It's all just these attractive young ladies doing dances, you see. Vaughn, you should have seen the size of the eye roll on Carween when you said FYP page. FYP page. Like pin number.

It was like saying rat test. Yeah, the N is number. Yeah, but it's just my kids will watch the same dance over and over to learn the dance. And then I open up TikTok and it's just horrible. This would be solved if you got them their own phones. Easy. I feel like that's just a whole new world to discuss.

Get them the new iPhone 14. Yeah. No way. Come on. No way. Number three on the list of the top six algorithms I would like to see addressed if they're doing something about them. Facebook Marketplace Algorithm.

I already purchased that thing. Stop showing me more of that thing. Yeah. It was, the other day was Facebook marketplace. I think I mentioned to you that it was asking me to buy ladies jeans. I was like, ouch. Yeah. You've got a lovely slim leg though.

Yeah. Yeah, but ladies jeans, like, is that algorithm broken or does it know something I don't? Why? Do I like ladies jeans? I don't know. You could slap a pair on. Put them on or buy them for a gal pal. I don't? Why? Do I like ladies' jeans? I don't know. You could slap a pair on. Put them on or buy them for a gal pal. I don't know.

A gal pal. Do you need some jeans? No, I don't. You don't need jeans. Number two on the list of the top six algorithms I'd like to see addressed, all of those bad ones with the guns and the fake news and the climate change denial and the racist nonsense.

Yeah. And number one on the list, what could be more important than that? Number one on the list of the top six algorithms I'd like to see addressed, Instagram explore page. That is the narciest page ever, isn't it? It is.

You sometimes accidentally click on explore and you're like, I'm a monster. I need to take a look at myself. It's a very, again, a very confusing page. So many cats on mine. Cats. Land Rovers. I'm going to go to mine.

I don't want to talk about it. I don't think anybody, we don't need to go. Everybody knows what we mean. Everybody knows what you mean. That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley's top picks. Alright,

your chance to win right now, we need you to text top to 9696 with your recommendation, what you're loving that is currently on Neon. Either a movie or a TV show, text top to 9696 and then your recommendation to win a three-month Neon subscription

and a $250 Prezi card. And we could be calling you back in just a minute. Like soon. Like soon. We're going to give you our top picks and then give away that prize. So text TOP to 9696 right now to be in. Vaughn, would you like to start? Yeah.

With your neon top pick? I'll go first. It's got to be Dune. Dune. June? June. I say Dune. Dune.

You say Dune. No, I say Dune. The sand dunes. Do America say sand dune? They say Dune. Yo, let's go hang out in the sand dunes. Yeah, Dune. We're more of a D-J-U-N-E. Yeah. dune. Yo, let's go hang out in the sand dunes. Yeah, dune. We're more of a D-J-U-N-E.

Yeah. Dune. With Timothee Chalamet. Do you know why? Timothee. This has been on my list for so long because it looks epic. I haven't duned yet. You haven't duned?

No. It's two and a half hours. So clear a bit of time, you know what I'm saying? Don't start this one late. Yeah. This isn't a start at nine o'clock. I mean,

it's got all your hotties. It's got your Timoteo de Michelamere. Yep. It's got Zendaya. It's got Oscar Isaac. You know I love me a bit of Oscar Isaac.

Yeah. Jason Marmore. Yes. How have you not seen this yet? I don't know. Also, it's got Daddy Skarsgård.. It's got Daddy Skarsgård.

Oh, we love Daddy Skarsgård. Like, you think of all those attractive little Skarsgårds tearing around. He was the daddy of all of the Skarsgårds. Good genes. Yaf Yaf Badim. Josh Brolin. Got everyone.

Yeah, literally everybody. In this movie. British royalty actress Charlotte Rampling as well. Oh, she's great. She's a fantastic actress. Yeah. Okay, so that's Dune. Well, I'm going to tag on the back

because we've got a connecting actor in our shows. Mine's Euphoria. Predictable, I know. Yeah. One of the biggest shows on Neon, but it's so good. So she just won, what were the awards last week? Emmys.

Emmys, yeah. In the Emmys, she's made history as the first black woman to win the Outstanding Performance from a Lead Actress in a Drama Series two years in a row. Zendaya. Zendaya. Yeah, wow. So they did that.

They won Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama Series for Coleman Domingo as Ali. Outstanding Choreography for Scripted Programming. They had this amazing dance sequence. They're an overachiever at this point. Overachiever. Yeah. I mean, I feel like everyone's seen it, but if you haven't.

If you haven't. It's dark. I started and I couldn't. Yes, because you. I have daughters who are entering their teenage years. Was it too much? It was way too much. You know me. I love a comedy. and I couldn't. Yes, because you... I have daughters who are engineering their teenage years and I found it so... Was it too much? It was way too much.

You know me, I love a comedy. Always reach for a comedy. But this one, I was like, yeah, I'm getting it. I shot a whole new for you. I loved it.

My show on Neon is Industry. So it's just finished its second season. Second season as well, getting absolutely rave reviews. So Industry is about a group of young grads

vying for permanent positions at an investment bank in London. Mmm. Oh. Not what I thought you were going to say. No, so it's kind of like this cutthroat drama. So like roll on the floor laughing comedy, is it? Yeah, really funny, yeah. Is it a bit of slapstick in there?

Yeah, absolutely. Will Ferrell, is he in it? No, no. But yeah, just kind of whatstick in there? Yeah, absolutely. Will Ferrell, is he in it? No, no. But yeah, just kind of what you'd expect is drama. And it's an HBO show, so they always do amazing shows. Oh, they nail a drama. They do. On IMDb, 7 out of 10, 88% on Rotten Tomatoes overall for both seasons.

For industry, check that out on Neon. Very good. We've selected Jared, who texts in. Good morning, Jared. Morning, guys. What's your top pick on Neon. Very good. We've selected Jared who texts in. Good morning, Jared. Good morning, guys. What's your top pick for Neon at the moment? What's on Neon

that you're liking? It's actually my partner, but it's the time traveler's wife. Oh, okay. The film or the series? The series. The series. Yeah.

So was this a sit down and watch together and she picked this and you're like, hmm? Unfortunately, she started to binge watch it herself. Right.

And put it in the background. Yeah, Aaron does that though. I'll choose something that's like absolutely not his cup of tea and he's like, and then you just see him like peering around like.

And he loves it. Have they done it yet? Love it. All right. Hey, Jared, congratulations. We have for you a three month Neon subscription and a $250 Prezi card.

All yours, well done. Awesome, thank you guys so much. And you can watch TV series and movies handpicked for Kiwis by Kiwis on Neon. I don't want to keep bringing it up, but I have joined TikTok. Now, how is your journey to being a famous TikToker going? I said I was going to do one every day. How many have you done? One.

So I did one yesterday. Yeah, I know. I did like it. It was TikTok. Do you hang out in public toilets much? Well, this is... Yeah, I didn't think that you'd be pissed. Yeah, I went to Hellensville, which is a far west Auckland town.

And I was busting to go wheeze Once I got there So I Said to Sade Quick pull into here And then we pulled into the public toilets And I nipped in And what did

It was just a beautiful art exhibition It's really It was really tagged Wasn't it Oh my gosh Tagging's one way of putting it What were they What were their pictures of

Youth expressing themselves Yeah Was another way of putting it And What were their pictures of? Youth expressing themselves is another way of putting it. I think it really focused on male, the male form. Yeah. A lot of the male form in there and just, you know,

really exploring the modern youth's relationship to words deemed, you know, traditionally expletive. Wow. Yeah, my favorite was you describing some of the chody ones. Yeah, a couple of chodes. It's important, you know, traditionally expletive. Wow. Yeah, my favourite was you describing some of the chody ones. Yeah, a couple of chodes.

It's important, you know, it's important that every penis is represented. Representation. Yeah, it matters. It really matters. I'm moved. You could see penises drawn for your whole life and never see one like yours, and that could make you feel like you're being left out.

That's why representation matters. It's nice to see one like yours up there could make you feel like you're being left out. That's why representation matters. It's nice to see one like yours up there. Yeah. Well, I'm going to do better. I'm going to do better. But people love TikTok. My God, I don't know if this is breaking news. Breaking news.

People, TikTok's going well. It's not breaking news. People are loving it. You heard it here first. TikTok's taken off. I like to imagine TikTok headquarters are listening and they're like, we're done.

Finally, finally. Did Hayley Sproul of FFHZM just say that? Oh my God. I mean, we had the stats, but it means nothing until it is recognised. But it turns out, and this is surprising to me, 33% of US TikTok users say that that's where they get their news. That's where they get their,. That's where they get their main source of news. This is dangerous.

Especially because it's long been thought that, you know, because it's a Chinese company. Yeah, right. That the Chinese government could influence the algorithm. But also none of it's monitored, is it? Let's face it, the Chinese government, if they are nefariously running this, which seems a little conspiracy theory, a little bit to me,

but it's just the fact that they're just making everybody so distracted by dancing teenagers that they're not going to see it coming, whatever's coming. Can I, I just want to touch base with my social media, my personal social media manager. Yeah. And also the social media desk, Kar-Wing.

Yeah, but she almost doesn't have enough time for that anymore because she's so busy with me. I've got two questions. One, do you get your news from TikTok? Yeah, semi. Like I follow a couple of news accounts like the Washington Post, Vice, people like that.

See, that gives me hope. Yeah, they're quite informative and fun. Yeah, fun. How do they deliver their news? Are they just like, some bombs have dropped today? Are you doing a dance? Bombs have dropped. They do actually use TikTok trends and, like,

mould it into telling you the news. Wow. Washington Post. Very good. I'm going to give them a hot follow. Hopefully they follow me back and see my one talk. My second question for my social media, my personal social media manager, Carl Wayne.

Am I too late for the savage love dance, Trent? No, I think jump on that. All right. Well, follow me on TikTok, Hayley Sproul NZ, and you'll see my sweet savage love dance. I think you're a few years late there. You should do Gam Yam Styles too.

Gam Yam Style. Gam, Gam, Gam. Gangnam Style. Gangnam. Is Gangnam Style big on the talk social media manager? Don't look at her,

look at me. Huge. Alright. Stay tuned for both of those videos. But maybe that can be your thing on TikTok is doing trends

but like really late. Five years late? Yeah. All right. Well, let's see. World's most chaotic game show. Six call it's the world's most chaotic game show. Six callers on the line. Oh, my God. Who just dropped off?

We just lost Andrea. 0800 dials at M. We need a last minute Andrea replacement. Did she get too scared? She got scared. She got scared. She got a little bit panicky. Okay.

We just need somebody to replace her. 0800 dials at M. Let's start, though. Here we go. I did one. We're full up. Let's start, though, by introducing our callers. Let me just conference everybody there.

Vaughan. Good morning, Cecilia. Good morning. Great song. Never heard that before, I bet. Erica Bardu on line two. Good morning. Good morning, everyone. She before. I bet. Erykah Badu on line two. Good morning. Good morning, everyone.

She's got the same name as a winehouse. She's Amy. Hello. Morena Tay. Morena. She's not the Minaj, but she is a Nikki. Good morning. Good morning, New Zealand.

It almost looks like Andrea Bocelli. Oh, no, we've lost Andrea. Who have we got now? I don't have a funny music one for Jonty. I don't know any musicians called Jonty. Jonathan. Take me home, country roads. It's Jonty Denver.

Good morning, Jonty. Morning. And Leonardo DiCaprio isn't a musician, but it's the only one I can think of. Leo, hello. Morning. Our, I believe, our youngest competitor. Oh, fantastic. To wherever I've played.

Here to win. To wherever I've played. Head of win, head of win. To wherever I've played. All right, should we go? Should we play? Let's get underway. Round one. Cecilia, give me a name for a dog. Jack.

Erica, give me a name for a dog. Nala. Amy, give me a name for a dog. Fido. Fido. Nikki, give me a name for a dog. Brock. John, give me a name for a dog. Zach? John, give me a name for a dog.

Zach. Leo, give me a name for a dog. Jeff. It's got to be Erica's got to go. She said Nala, and that's a lion king. That's a cat. That's a cat's name. Goodbye, Erica.

All right, Cecilia, what's your coffee order? Oh, vanilla latte. Amy, what's your coffee order? Oh, mocha with sugar. Grow up, Amy. See you later. Round three. All right, round three.

What's the first word that comes to mind when I say piano, Leo? Keyboard. Jonty, what's the first word that comes to mind when I say piano? Beethoven. Nicky, same question. Musical. Cecilia. Elton. Oh.

It's tough. But Nikki's got to go. Bye, Nikki. Why did Nikki answer? Because she said musical. It was uninspired. Alright. Cecilia, heads or tails? Tails. Chanty, heads or tails? Tails.

Jonti, heads or tails? Heads. Leo, heads or tails? Tails. Jonti's gone. See you later, Jonti. Round five. The final round.

Give me a number between one and ten and a colour. Seven and red. Seven and blue. Seven and red. And what did you say, Celia? Who was first? I also said seven and blue. She said seven and blue. Well, you have won $77 worth of ready salted chips.

Yeah. Celia has. Congratulations. Oh, Leo's lost out. Leo. He would have won $77 worth of sweet chilli chips. Oh, Leo's lost out. Leo. He would have won $77 worth of sweet chilli chips. Oh, yum. Celia's won seven.

She picked seven double sevens. 77 and blue. She picked blue. So it's ready salted. Just beating up Leo. Thank you for playing, Leo. So congratulations, Cecilia, the winner of the World's Most Chaotic Game Show. Enjoy those chips.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. It is the talk of Tinseltown, isn't it? Adam Levine, singer of Maroon 5. He will be loved. Where were you going? I was going to go this love. I was going to go, I'm at a payphone watching you.

That's a royal choice. The world's your oyster if you want to rock out a little. Rock out a couple of bars from Maroon 5 songs. There's something for everybody out there. There really is. There really is. And look, he's a handsome guy. Not my type, but a very handsome man.

Tattooed. He's, he's a handsome guy. Not my type, but a very handsome man. Tattooed. He's the singer of a band. Are some of his tattoos a bit questionable though? Are they cringe? Yeah, some of them are cringe. Okay. Yeah, there's always a couple of cringes. Anyway, so he has one of the most, not that it matters, beautiful wives I've ever seen.

Bahati? Bahati? Prinsloo. Prinsloo. Yeah. Beautiful wives. Yeah. I've ever seen. Bahati? Bahati? Prince Lou. Prince Lou. And now allegations have been made from a TikTok model, Instagram model, TikTok model, social media model, also a gorgeous woman. Yeah.

That they, well, he cheated on her while pregnant. Wow. Okay. Dirtbag. And she's got receipts too. She's got receipts, man. She was sharing their little direct messages to each other and he's like, oh my god, I can't believe

how hot you are. It's embarrassing. You were reading some of the messages before. They're cringe. They're so bad. Oh my god, I know. And it's like asking for pictures and like, I want to take that booty out for dinner and like, oh my god. I know. And it's like asking for pictures and like, I want to take that booty out for dinner. And like, oh, my God. Her name was Sumner.

And he said, my wife's pregnant with another boy, with a baby. I'm having a boy. I want to name him Sumner. Like, is that okay with you? Yes. What is going on? I know. Right.

And more of surface too. More models and Instagram models have come out of the woodwork saying. Yeah. Now, he had an excuse for this though, didn't he? He said he hasn't cheated. Yes, his thing was, I have not had an affair, but I admit that I have acted inappropriately in the way I was talking. He crossed the line.

Shut up. If you read these messages, that is cheating. Like, it is beyond being like, hey, cute dress. When you're telling someone you want to take their booty out for dinner, you're cheating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. A lame excuse. And now apparently he said that he is.

Wasn't one of the lines, you're hotter in person and I am too or something? No, no, he was like, oh, my God, I can't believe how hot you are. Like even hotter in person. And she was like, same to you. Like you're as hot. You're even hotter than person if it's possible. Like, oh my God, how can you be this hot? I shouldn't be talking to you, right?

Take your booty out for dinner. Anyway, lame excuse. But his wife, right? Adam Levine's wife. They have been seen out in public driving and the paparazzi papped them and they looked happy. Yeah, totally. Of putting on a front anyway.

He's just coming out to say he's trying his best to make things better with his very upset wife. Okay. Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam. Would you take this as an excuse? From your partner? It's not cheating I was just I guess actually yeah

Reading those messages Maybe I was being a little bit too flirtatious You were trying to pick this chick up Anyway, let's dive into cheating I was just saying to you guys off here I don't knowingly know if I've ever been cheated on Any of my exes want to call up and correct me. But we want to know what was the

worst excuse that you've been given for someone playing up on you. Yeah, when someone cheated. You always hear about the cracking excuses. Yes. Like I was just practicing on them so that I'm better in bed with you. I just wanted

to try out a new thing. Before I tried it on you. So that you'm better in bed with you. Bed with you, yes. I just wanted to try out a new thing. Yeah, yeah, before I tried it on you. Yeah, so that you get the best. Yeah. I saw or heard of someone I kind of knew that they found their partner had been sending pictures of his intimates. Oh, okay, yeah. To somebody else, and he said he was just double-checking

that that was the right photo to send to you. Right. I just wanted them to be like, yeah, that's good. Cross-check. Send that that was the right photo to send to you. I just wanted them to be like, yeah, that's good. Cross check. That's a great DP. Yeah, could you tell me what you think of this photo? Is this good enough to send to my partner? Yeah, is the lighting good?

There's got to be the classic, oh my God, no, that was for you. Oh my God, I thought I was talking to you. Oh, I got your number wrong, babe. Okay, so 0800DARLS at M. We want to take your calls now. You can text 9696. We want to take your calls now. You can text 9696.

We want to know the excuses someone has given you when you've caught them cheating. The worst, the lamest, the most unbelievable excuses. Give us a call. So, Adam Levine from Maroon 5 has been very naughty. A lot of screenshots from his private DM conversations. And he's trying to dig himself out of it, saying like, hey, a lot is being said about me at the moment. Yeah. I was flirting

and I shouldn't have. I wasn't cheating, I was flirting. Yeah, exactly. A little harmless flirting. We want to know the lamest excuse somebody has given you when you've caught them cheating. And wow. The messages. Wow, wow, wow. Let's start with anonymous. Anonymous, what was the lamest excuse you got?

You got cheated on? Yes, I did. And what did they say? So they were sexting another person, and their excuse was, I just wanted to see if they looked like their photos. What? I laughed.

That was my reaction. I'm like, what? That doesn't even make any sense. That doesn't even make any sense. God, that's a terrible excuse. That's like when someone's on a dating app and you're dating them and they're like,

I'm just looking for friends. That's a classic one. Anonymous sent you some messages in. So many. Somebody said, he told me I was too nice and treated him too well, so he cheated on me to see if I could ever get angry. What? It was like a test.

What is wrong with you? What is wrong? I only downloaded Tinder to check to see if my cousin's ex-girlfriend was on there. Okay, Han, go off. Yeah, but you've matched with all these other people. Yeah, sure. Why the matches? Why the messages?

Somebody said, I would have loved an excuse. He was dating me and another girl at the same time. When I called him out, he shrugged his shoulders. Maroon 5's Adam Levine is in the news. He's a bloody naughty boy, isn't he? He's been, yeah, sliding into some DMs. Slap and sliding into the DMs of TikTok models. But just flirting.

He said, yes, he has crossed a line, but it's just flirting. Tell that to his wife. I mean, we could debate that a whole nother day. Yeah, we could. Is flirting cheating? Actually, today, we want to hear your worst excuses that you've been given when you've caught someone cheating. There are some incredible...

Oh, my dudes. My dudes, some of them aren't fit for broadcast. No, no, they're not. Where to start? He's digging. Yeah, somebody messaged in saying, when I caught him cheating, he said, well, this is all your fault.

And then I demanded an explanation as to how this was my fault, and he walked away. And they never saw them again. So that's interesting. That's a real interesting. That's a confusing one, that one. I caught my now ex-fiancee, who was my fiancee at the time,

in a club getting someone was holding his, not his hand. Oh, wow. With their hand, they were holding his not hand. Okay. Holding it still? No, moving it around. In a club? In a club.

In a club. In a club. His response was, no, no, you've seen that wrong. That was my cousin and her hand was on my lap. She was just tapping along to the music. Wait, so you get caught in an intimate act and you say it's your cousin? Yeah, weird.

Think that through. Think that through. Yeah. Anonymous, what was the excuse that you were given when you were cheated on? So I caught my then-boyfriend on Grindr. Oh, okay. This is the app that, yeah, okay.

And he told me it's not cheating if it's with the guy. Oh, no, it is. It is. I can kind of see his reasoning there because you don't have what he wants. So that's not cheating. He could ask and say, I want a little bit of something you can't give what he wants. Yeah, but he could ask and say, I want a little bit of something you can't give me.

May I? Yeah, would you have been open to that? I mean, yes, if that's what he was looking for. See? I told him as long as he was honest with me, and he did it another three times. That's dishonest. Okay, you let him away three more times with that?

Yeah. So what, now he's just free to be on Grindr all the time? Yes, we broke up. We set him free. He's probably happier now. Into the wild west. You really have anonymous. Thank you for sharing.

Kat, what was the excuse you got when you were cheated on? So you remember that conspiracy that 2021 the world was going to end? Yes. Every year it's going to end. I thought it was 2012 the world was going to end. Yeah, but then it didn't, and so it flicked to 2021. I missed the 2021 one, but I would have believed it more than 2012. No, you're thinking of Kony 2012.

Oh, yeah. I was thinking of the Mayan calendar. What was the year that that guy from Op Shop built an ark? 2012. Oh, right. There you go. There was a movie, 2012. That's right, okay.

So the end of the world was nigh, Kat. Yeah, the end of the world was nigh. So when I found out he cheated on me, I said, well, why, obviously. And he said, well, I wanted to get with more people before I died and the world ended. Oh, get out of the way. That is taking the mood. I tried to stifle my laughter and give you a grip. That is taking the mood.

I tried to stifle my laughter and give you a like. No, that's brilliant. That's brilliant. Wait, he actually thought the world was easy. No, he... Surely not. Fully into it, yeah. Oh, wait, he fully was into it.

Prior to being caught cheating. Oh, yeah, yeah, the whole lead up. This was the end. Oh, and he just went out. I thought he may have just used it as a convenient excuse. Had he been doing other things like ticking up a credit card debt? Trying heroin? Yeah.

I hope it's really bit him in the butt now. Yeah, yeah. So you got rid of him straight away then? I haven't spoken to him since. Oh, good on ya. He probably doesn't get any reception in his bunker. Yeah, that's right. Probably too. Kat, thanks for your bunker. Yeah, that's right. Probably too.

Kat, thanks for your call. Some other text messages in. I was hooking up with my boyfriend when my wife walked in, and she was like, what the hell's going on? And I said, quick, he's choking. I'm giving him the Heimlich. That's not the... That's so fast.

Yeah. I'm pretty sure pants on or like... Pants don't need to be off for the Heimlich. Wait, do you not need to take... I thought you needed to take people's pants off. For the Heimlich? Yeah, all of their clothes. No.

No. No, famously, no. No. Damn. Yeah. My partner cheated on me in the lounge with my brother's best friend while I was in the bedroom sleeping, but it was my fault because I introduced her to him at my brother's wedding.

Sorry? Stop introducing me to hot people. That's on you. Yeah. That's on you. Yeah. When I confronted my ex with a plethora of evidence to his cheating, he told me, in my experience,

the person doing the accusing is often the one doing the cheating. I was like, no, look. Yeah, a dog smells its own fart first. Yeah. Is that the saying? The loudest dog, the guiltiest dog barks the loudest. That's something. Yeah, sure.

He said to me, look, everybody gets cheated on at some stage. After cheating on a multiple woman. Wow. After two years of cheating on me, I asked why he said he wanted to have a baby with me And he said, I honestly thought a baby might make me snap out of it That's famously what they do, they absolutely patch up Yeah Patch up a relationship

I got home and I heard what can only be described as aggressive banging coming from the bathroom Oh goodness I knocked on the door, the door was locked. It went quiet. And after a little bit, the door opened and my partner and someone I didn't realize were apparently fixing the sink and this was an after hours plumber. It wasn't me.

Oh, awesome. The shaggy defense. It wasn't me. It wasn't me. Everybody wants to be my enemy. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Play ZM What's the matter?

What have you got in your mouth? What's happening? I was trying to get through it Without making it obvious Have we talked about this? Well I like When the song is winding down After I listen to it

I think it adds an air of authenticity To the show Should I finish my nut bar? You finish your nut bar And tell us the story At the same time A nut bar is It's authentic man People are When are you hanging out With your friends What then they take a mouth And they stop talking my nut bar. You finish your nut bar and tell us the story at the same time. A nut bar is authentic, man.

People are right. When are you hanging out with your friends? Then they take a mouthful and they stop talking. You don't watch the six o'clock news and Simon Dallow

has got a sausage in his mouth. Yeah, but that's the news, man. That's squares. That's straight lines. That's black and white. This is real life we're living in. He's not eating a stir fry

when he's reading the six o'clock news. If your friend's about to tell you a hard case yarn, you'll allow them to have a little, the tail end of something in their mouth. Like right now,

the minute I grab my microphone off the desk, I'm in a reclined position. Simon Dallow wouldn't do this either, but look at it. It's undeniable. I'm slouched in my chair. My chair's slowly sinking. Also, it doesn't matter because it's not my story.

We cross now. Oh, you sound like eating with your mouth full. It is chewing, talking with your mouth full. Here we go. Oh, my God, you can hear. Yeah, that was disgusting. The talk was fine. I've got tight teeth.

I've got tight teeth. Now we cross to the producer's booth to producer Anna. How do you think the show's going so far? What? How do I think the show's going so far? What? How do I think the show's going? Yeah, I'm enjoying it. I'd say at least 7.8. Oh, thank you.

That's 78%. I would have stopped at that. Now, listeners may not have noticed, but Anna's been away for the first three days of this week. Yes. And we were like an untied, unmoored ship, weren't we? Just floating in the ocean. Yeah, I listened every morning.

And I did mentally think, oh, I'd love to just stand up and give them the wrap-up signal there. Was every show a 7.8? Good. Yeah, there was one point, Vaughan, when you were doing some silly accents. And Fletch was getting very pressed. Yeah, no, I liked that. Oh, that was when I was winding him up.

Was that when I wouldn't stop doing the New York Italian accent? Yeah. Hey, forget about it. I was nearly going to call you and be like, please, for the when I was winding him up. Was that when I wouldn't stop doing the New York Italian accent? Yeah. Forget about it. I was nearly going to call you and be like, please, for the love of God. Keep going. Anyway, so I went down to help my sister who's got a newborn baby. Oh, baby, so sweet.

I know. Yeah, so I went down to help basically cuddle the baby so she could cook and clean. I'm a very thoughtful person. You really are. You should have cooked and cleaned so she could cuddle her baby. Nah, not for me. not for me thanks though um yeah so i went down to palmy and um went to the old regional part of the airport very confusing leaving auckland yes leaving auckland this is where the story is this happened when you were leaving yes let me set the scene early morning i get there two hours before the flight way too early flying. What are you flying overseas? International?

Two hours? I've had a $15 ham and cheese croissant. I'm good. It's warm in my belly and time to board the plane. Time to board the plane. And I go through the gates and there's 50 of them. Now that sounds like an overwhelming number, doesn't it? Yeah, a lot of planes.

Yeah, there's a lot of gates. There's not 50, but they're numbered like 40 something to 50 something yeah there's probably like 15 gates it's ambitious so i'm kind of on my phone i'm kind of browsing memes and you know having a little look and um sort of following the crowd and um then we end up at a gate and we're standing in line at the gate for i don't know maybe 10 minutes um waiting for a gentleman in a wheelchair to board first and then we hopped onto the plane. So I'm standing in this line, I'm like, I wonder when we're going to get on, rah, rah, rah.

And, yeah, so we board the plane, and I am halfway into the aircraft, and a full flight at that, when the flight attendant says, oh, wait, hang on, you come back here. And then she re-looked at my boarding pass and I was on the wrong plane. Oh my gosh.

You did that. Where was that plane going? That plane was going to Napier. Oh, Napier's beautiful though. Better than Palmy. I love Napier. Better than Palmy. And so I had to get everybody from inside the aircraft

to then shunt into the little seats. Oh for God's sake. Oh, no. I had, you know, handbag, laptop, carry-on bag, and so I just, like, put it up over my shoulder like a boombox. That person. And I will say the domestic planes, the domestic regional planes, they do need a wider ramp that is so skinny.

Oh, it's a real fat shaming ramp. It really is. No, but they're only for one. You mean it wouldn't fit two people going. It barely fits one. It barely fits one. Yeah. So I had to get everybody to go back down the ramp.

And I was trying to like sidle along. I hit a small child with my bosom in the face. Oh, I'm embarrassed for you. And I was trying to run through. So then I had to sprint back. And I realised that I was at 39. I was supposed to be at 49. Oh dear. Got to sprint back and I realised that I was at 39, I was supposed to be at 49. Oh dear.

Got to 49, there's a plane reversing. 49? Nice. There's a plane reversing? There's a plane reversing. Was that your plane? My plane. That's panicky.

It's reversing. They were pushing it back from the gate, they'd shut the door. They'd shut the door. Oh my God. The plane is reversing, I make eye contact with the pilot and I give him this look.

It's like, Hey Elise, that's my God. The plane is reversing. I make eye contact with the pilot. Yeah. And I give him this look. It's like, hey, that's my plane. And I make sure he knows I'm visually distressed. Arms are up by the face. I'm like, women, we're good at that. We're always like, help. Yeah. And he laughs.

Of course he does. He's like, cool, cool, cool. Too late. Yeah, too late. But then there's a little guy next to me. And he's like, OK, do you need to get on that? And I was like, yes. And he was a baggage handler. And he pulled some strings.

I got on the plane, guys. Oh, my gosh. I got on the plane. He was like, stretch, stretch, stretch. Could you imagine if I was on that plane and they stop it to let you on who's late and confused and disorientated? I know. I hate when that happens. Yes.

You've checked in your baggage. It's on the plane. Yeah. They're not allowed to leave with your bags if you're's on the plane. Yeah, they're not allowed to leave with your baggage if you're not on the plane. Yeah, I know, but how do they know you're... Because then you, at the regional part of Auckland Airport, once you scan your ticket at that final little ranch slider,

they don't check it again. No, they don't. That's how you would have boarded the wrong plane. You could get baggage on one plane and go on another. Yeah. I mean, that's a wild inconvenience. Yeah. It could happen. It could have happened to you. Your baggage was on the flight and go on another. Yeah. I mean, that's a wild inconvenience. Yeah. It could happen.

It could have happened to you. Like, your baggage was on the flight and you were. What were the looks from the other passengers when you got on this plane? Pretty filthy, I will say. And I made sure to just be real like, oh, sorry, everyone. But then you had delayed them going to Palmerston North,

so in a way you'd given them a little something. Absolutely. Like a glimmer of hope. Yeah. They're like, maybe we don't go don't go oh no she's on the door shut again jesus we're going wow i can't believe you did because you always hear stories of these people got on the wrong plane and they flew to a whole different city and like this is yeah who are these idiots and i always thought that too but hello this is a real this is a real

vaughn move i know the whole time I was thinking I would be so mad at you if you had done this and Fletch would be so mad at me if he was here so but at what point

would you have realised welcome to this Boeing we're on the flight to Napier it's a beautiful day I wouldn't have said anything if I'd sat down

and put my seatbelt on they're like you're going to Napier I'd be like uh oh I can't say anything now. I say that because you put noise-cancelling headphones on way ahead of when you're supposed to. I know, you don't listen to the safety briefing.

Oh yeah, and they say, please remove your headphones to listen to the safety instructions, and you're always like, do a fake tap. And then you're like, go to sleep. Well, you made it. I made it in one piece. And when I sat down, the guy next to me was like, hey, you did it. Oh! And I nearly cried, And when I sat down, the guy next to me was like, hey, you did it.

Oh. And I nearly cried. I was like, oh, thank you. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little boys. Silly little boys. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little boys.

Silly little boys. Silly little boys. Silly, silly, silly, that silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Today's silly little pole. Do you know your partner's pin number? And do they know your pin number? Yes and yes.

Yeah. Yes to both. Yeah. Oh, dot, dot, dot, dot. Yeah. Yes to both. Yeah. Yeah. When I've done, in the past, when I've done monogamy, I've known this. Have you done monogamy? In the past.

Yeah, in the past when I've done monogamy. Distant past. Yeah. You've known it? Yeah. Yeah, because, I mean, I'm very casual with mine. Sometimes, like, I will say, oh, when I make the producers go and get me a scone. Yeah. producers go and get me a scone,

you know, get me a scone and I chuck my card at them. You bark at them and throw your card at them. Like a ninja star. And I go, and I throw it. It's even more condescending. It's mummy's paying if one of you little ones is going to get her a cheese scone. No, I say mummy's paying

if one of my babies is walking. Sometimes it works. Yeah, that was the way you were brought up as well. You'd go to the dairy and get mummy ciggies, wouldn't you? Oh, yeah, mummy's paying if the cows are walking. Are you talking about the good old days? PC got mad. Send them now with a note.

A note used to be good enough. Yeah. Does your partner know your pin number? 80% yes. Yeah. 20% nah. Bronwyn says yes, he knows it, but daddy remembers it when it comes down to it.

Yeah, Aaron's often the same. Classic bloody him, eh, Bron? He can't remember your pin. Even now then you'll be like, is it? I'm like, yeah. And it always has been, man. Yeah. It hasn't changed.

Because do you have the same, I have the same pin from like when I was 14 or 15 When I got a F-Post card Same Nah I changed mine Because a girl Hurt my heart man

Oh baby Did you Set up your F-Post number And it was like Her birthday or something It was her last Four digits of her phone number

Oh my god You are Just Don't be sad Mummy's gonna buy you a scone Thank you mummy Thank you for me My baby My baby Your little boy Had his arm broken in 1990 phone number. Oh my god. Don't be sad. Mummy's gonna buy you a scone. Take it from me. Who hurt my baby?

1995. Who hurt my baby? Who hurt you? She will rue the day. I'll show you her later on Facebook. Yeah. Hurt my baby? No. No. Mummy's paying.

Got a bit sexual at the end. Yeah, it did. It did. Got a bit sexual at the end. Started real mother-son dynamic and in the end it was a bit yuck. To be honest, it was a bit yuck. I'm uncomfortable

and I'm sweating. Chloe says, he knows my pin for sure whether there is money on the card is a whole other question. Yeah, true. Melissa says, we somehow have

the exact same pin number. Like the pin you pick when you get your first card as a kid or whatever, but it's exactly the same. It means we were meant to be. One, two, three, four. Yeah. Oh, I bet you are. The last time I got a credit card, there was a filling out the form.

It was like there was a bid in the form to get a free card with that account so that you could like give it to your partner or whatever. And I was like how great would it be to have a sugar daddy and he's got his card and then you get his car yeah that's exactly how it works so it's just a basically a sugar daddy card yeah yeah I thought so Louise doesn't know her partner's number she's they've got no idea I just used pay wave so she's still good at season oh yeah Vanessa I know my best friend's pin number number. She told me when we were 12

and because it was her home phone number of course I still remember it. Yeah, okay. Shout out to Tana, my bestie, who also listens to FVH. Shout out, that's from Vanessa. Kia ora. April says, yes, I know it

but also now I work at a bank and I know it's actually a breach of the terms and conditions. Oh yeah, that's why nobody knows. Even your nearest and dearest. Yeah, nobody knows mine. Oh, my God. I do.

I tell everyone. Well, it's a breach of the T's and C's. Oh, would you be able to just pick me up a... Yeah, it's that, that, that, that. That's a good thing about pay-a-wave. Like, you don't have to give your pin anymore if it's just a little... Yeah, that's true. Just a little...

Or that's the terrible thing about pay-a-wave. Unless there's this one countdown Checkout that always asks for your pin It doesn't, it's broken or something Oh really? And I always get that one Or when you go to like a small Dairy and you just keep smacking your card on it And they're like no paywave and you're like

Sorry It costs them so much And Ashley finally says... They were fixing that. You remember in the pandemic and everyone didn't want to touch buttons? And they were like, we're going to fix this.

Yeah, they did. The government said you can't charge a pay wave and then it left again. And then where's that going? I want that back in the next election cycle. Yeah, let's get that back in. I don't mind paying for it. Paying for the privilege?

No. What, to who, the bank? No. It'd be different if it was the charitable. No, but I don't want it to fall on the business. Yeah, but that's what they were saying. Yeah, the bank's making the money off the business. Oh, so you're saying the banks have to drop it. Yeah, the government was saying the banks have to fall in line. And then it just, I don't know

what's happened with that. But at the time I was like, this is great. Hey, maybe the banks need to make money. We're all going to make money. Maybe the banks need a little extra coin. Do you think they need some help, do you? With their billions of dollars of profits every year? Yeah, but it's all relative, isn't it? You know, more money, more problems for them.

Sure. Finally, Ashley says, he knows my PIN and he knows my IRD login too. Well, that's great. He can pay your tax bill. Pop on it. Or fraud you. Yeah. Or sell your identity when everything goes poorly.

Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. I was laughing because I was about to go, time for Fletch, Fawn and Hayley, and I was about to sing something totally different. What is wrong with you? I told you I've got a vacant brain today. Yeah, a little foggy over there.

Today's fact of the day is there is a term for, and we've talked about this a lot, I think we're all sufferers, of when you start doing a job, but to do that job, you've just got to quickly do this other job. Oh, I'm so bad at this. And then this other job also requires maybe a piece of equipment, but that's currently somewhere, so something else is going to be done to get that out.

You've got to go organise a shed. Yeah. Like, you know in rugby games or football matches they put those gps trackers on the back of the athletes and they can work out where on the field and how much they run yeah like i would love to see just a line diagraph of me when i clean my house yes just it would be like over here and then over here because i have to do that thing and then oh i see that thing and i do that yeah and i don't finish that and then I go over here, it would be like a spider's web. And then you end up doing something totally unrelated

to what you started doing. You're like sewing something so you can vacuum the lounge. Yes. Yes. I'm darning my socks. Why? Because the windows need to clean. Are you going to clean them with your socks?

No, no, no. It's a long story. It's a long story. Yeah. This, I have the original email sent at exactly 4 p.m. on the 11th of February, which was a Friday, in the year 2000. Okay. Where Jeremy H. Brown sent to all at MIT. Yeah.

The Massachusetts Institute of Technology It's where Matt Damon said how do you like them apples And then solved all the maths problems with Robin Williams That's right, he was a clown Goodwill hunting He was a clown That made people happy and thus cured them of whatever ailments they had While he was dressed as a Scottish old lady

Correct Yes In Mars You've seen that movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah But it turns out he was working at a photo development place the entire time as a bionic man. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. I don't think you're taking this seriously, this fact of the day segment. All while he was writing the song Rock DJ. Yes. So that's where they were. They were at MIT.

When this email went out from Jeremy H. Brown. Yak shaving. Our very own Carlin Vieri has invented a term, and yet it is not caught on within the lab. It is a shame because it describes all too well what I find myself doing all too often. You see, yak shaving is what you're doing when some stupid fiddly little task

that bears no obvious relation to what you're supposed to be working on, but yet due to a chain of 12 casual relationship links, you're doing so you can do the original task. Yak shaving. Is that because yak shaving is just impossible? It's yak shaving because it's like, how did you end up shaving that yak?

Like it's completely... Because I needed to do the washing Because I've got no undies And to get undies I needed to get in the cart But the cart has got Some Cabbages in it and the cabbages

Can't go in the fridge Because there's no room in the fridge Because of the other thing that leads to the yak shaving Wow So I went to give the that leads to the yak shaving. Wow. So I went to give the old vegetables to the yak, which is when I noticed. It needed shaving. And that it needed to be shaved before it could eat. Wow.

Okay. I love that term. Yak shaving. Yak shaving. So it kind of caught on. I saw this. And it is, yeah, just like literally a copy and paste of the original. It's even got the email.

Oh, wow. The thing at the bottom, it says, by the just like literally a copy and paste of the original. It's even got the email. Oh, wow. The thing at the bottom, it says, by the way, 5.30 p.m. The Girl Scout benefit is on in the 7.8i playroom. But yak shaving, and that's the first mention of yak shaving online. And now if you Google it, it's a wildly accepted term of how you ended up doing something that bears absolutely no observable relevance to the task of what you were supposed to be doing. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Love me a little bit of Nettie Yeah, you love your Nettie?

Yeah, a little bit of Nettie Well, last night the Silver Ferns took on a weakened Jamaica The Sunshine Girls Yeah That's what the team's like Well, this is so What are they called? The Sunshine Girls It's the Caribbean Yeah Oh my gosh, the Sunshine It like. Well, it's a sunshine girl.

It's the Caribbean. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. It's such a beautiful part of the world. However, due to a netball formality, you've got to have people playing and then people on the bench. And that meant that their coach, Connie Francis, who's in her late 50s,

who last played international netball in 2003, came out of retirement to fill the bench. Oh, my God, 20 years, basically. And thankfully there was no big injuries or anything that meant she had to play. Because they had visa issues, some of the team, and they didn't get it sorted. Yeah.

Well, we only accept MasterCard, you see. Are you going to let him get away with that joke? God, I can't wait to film Have You Been Paying Attention With You later tonight with jokes like that. Oh, it's going to be a long night for Hayley. So the side night, I was in my mid-30s when I found out that that was a thing. What? When everyone was talking about Visa,

I thought you had to have a credit card to go to another country in case you got in trouble. Oh, Han, you're cute. Thanks. So, yeah, they were an understrength team. And we beat them 70 to 45. Yeah. I mean, a win's a win. It's their fault for not getting their visas sorted.

Okay. Okay. Give the Sunshine Girls a break over there. I would say, how old is she? 50 something. It just says in her 50s. In her 50s. So that's like pretty close to my mum's age,

who's 61. Yeah. Oh, she's 62. Could you imagine your mum? My mum was an ex-netballer, but my mum would be like, I'm not getting my bloody legs out. Oh, yeah.

Because of the dresses they wear with the little shorts underneath. I think when they're on the bench, they can just be in the track, though. No, you can't be wearing a big baggy trackie. Did she, I missed the game, but did she take the court? No, no, no, no. Oh, so she was just there as a sub if needed.

Yeah. Oh, I thought she was like popping on the little frock and being like, I didn't shave. Well, she might have to have it on underneath. Yeah. Wow. I mean, I'm not, you know, I don't know what her body looks like, but just I know that my mum at that age would be like, God, no.

I know it's happened before when the cricket team has been overseas, say in like a faraway place like Bangladesh, and half the team gets sick or food poisoning. I know that there have been some like coaching staff that have had to come out and field, or like a couple of players go off and there aren't enough players. Well, that's just standing there, isn't it? So people take the field.

Yeah. Yeah. Because didn't someone in media management had to go out and like field for a few overs? I'm pretty sure that's happened in the past. Amazing. Maybe. Just goes to show you how easy cricket is, eh?

Anyone can jump in and play. Easy. Yeah, easy peasy. I reckon I'd be pretty good if we were short on numbers. I could do golf caddying. Oh, yeah? Well, that's just carrying the clubs and being like, here's the sandwich.

I look great in a pair of overalls. Yeah. You've seen me in overalls. Oh, you look great. If they're right, because I'm long in the leg, often if I put on a pair of overalls and pull them up, ooh, right, tied up in the gooch, bit of camel toe situation going on.

But if you get the right fitting pair of overalls, there's something about me and a pair of overalls. There's cradles here. Yeah, God, when I worked at the mechanics, we used to get a lot of extra work coming in. Yeah, because you would basically... The ladies are bringing in cars all the time. That's what they called you, a mechanic thirst trap.

Thirst trap, yeah. We want to ask the question this morning, when you've had to fill in, and it doesn't need to be sports, it could be in a work role. Yeah, I was a fill-in bridesmaid once. What? And I knew it was one of my...

I wouldn't do it. How soon before the wedding? Oh, like a few weeks. What happened to the bridesmaid? One of her original bridesmaids broke her leg and didn't want to stand there and crunches and stuff. And so she was like, oh, no. We were good friends.

We were really good friends. But I didn't make the original cut. And then I was a bridesmaid. See, yeah, Vaughan wouldn't do that on principle. Vaughan wouldn't do that on principle. No, I wouldn't. You'd be like, you didn't choose me in the first place. I'm not going to be a ring-in.

You chose the one with the bloody powder bones. You chose old osteoporosis. You live with it. So we want to take your calls now. 0800Diles. You can text in as well. 9696. When did you have to fill in? Yeah, when were you the ring-in, the fill-in? The ring-in. Whether it was sports or work. 0800Diles.com. You can text in as well. 9696. When did you have to fill in?

Yeah, when were you the ring in, the fill in? The ring in. Whether it was sports or work. Give us a call. So we want to know when you've had to fill in, whether it's sports or for work or in your personal life. The Black Ferns. Silver.

Sorry, the Silver Ferns played Jamaica last night and the Jamaican coach, because of visa issues and some of the team not being able to make it, filled in, sat on the bench, didn't have to play, but was very close to having to play in her 50s. Love it. Which is amazing. So we want to know when you've had to fill in. Gail, when

did you have to be the fill-in? Hey, I have to say, hey guys, very, very long-time listener, first-time caller. Yay! Yay! Yay! Welcome, welcome. Thrice welcome.

It's so random. So in the very late 80s, my husband would have been about 15, and him and his friends had to fill in for my father-in-law, and my father-in-law owned a petrol station in a rural town, and they actually, him and his mate, looked after this petrol station while his parents went away on the holidays. At 15? Running a whole petrol station?

Yeah, yeah. And it's one of those little country ones on the corner. And they repaired tyres. Like, he worked in it. Yes. That was his job, was repairing tyres. Oh, my God. The 80s was loose, eh?

Is that 91 on pump five? That's $20. Oh, aye. Wow. You need a bunch of fix, do you? I've seen Dad do it a bunch of times. Do you want to chop a chop? It's three for a dollar.

Amazing, Gail. Thank you. Keep your calls, your texts coming in. We want to know when you've had to be the last-minute fill-in, whether it's a bridesmaid or like the Jamaican... Yeah, it still stinks. The Jamaican netty coach had to take the bench yesterday because players weren't in the country, didn't have visas.

She was a ringer-upper. A ringer-upper. Anonymous has called. Anonymous, when did you have to be the fill-in? It was actually my husband. He had to be a godparent fill-in. What? Where was the original?

But this is a lifelong commitment. Yes. We were at the church. I'm the godmum. Yeah. And the godfather didn't turn up. So he kind of got asked to step in. And he actually had to sign the original godparent's name.

Oh, God, that's my worst. God sees all and he knows if you're forging. Yeah. Forging signatures. This child, I'm sorry, but I think you've damned the child to hell. It would be my worst nightmare. Like you're saying to this person, if we all die, you're looking after this shit bag.

And then you've got to pay for everything. It must be so expensive. That's a lot to put on somebody. It's a lot to put on someone. Not a good start for the godparent to not even show up to the, what is it? Christian baptism? Yeah. It's not.

Christianism, yep. Yeah, not a good start, is it? Anonymous. Thanks, you call some messages in. But in the godfather's defence, he had been arrested for armed burglary. So, you know, he couldn't make it. He was in the cells. He was in the cells.

Great guy. Great guy. Ask messages in. My dad's a farmer. And when I was about seven, he came't make it. He was in the cells. He was in the cells. Great guy. Great guy. Ask messages in. My dad's a farmer and when I was about seven, he came in and taught our class for the afternoon because our teacher went home sick. What did dad teach? Like how to milk a cow?

Rural New Zealand, eh? You kids got any questions about life? Or maths or whatever. What do you kids want to do? I guess it's just supervising. Yeah. There were times where filming teachers just? I guess it's just supervising. Yeah. There were times where Phil and teachers just,

yeah, chuck in an educational video. How many times were the teachers so hungover they wheeled out that TV and made you watch it? You never knew at the time, but it often must have been

a hangover, right? Yeah. We had one substitute, Alan Bagnall, Mr. Bagnall. Well, let's just be careful what we say about him given you've given this

first and his last name. No, no, no. He was amazing. He was notorious in Eastbourne. And he used to bring clay. Cool. So any time you'd turn up and Mr. Bagnall was there, you'd be like, Oh, my God.

Mr. Bagnall with the clay. And he'd bring clay and you'd just make clay all day. So good. Okay, now definitely say his name. It's always good to get the good. I'm going to Google him. We don't have time for this, Vaughn. Finish up with some SMSs, please.

Some SMS. SMS, hey, Mo. Some SMS, hey, Mo. Hey, Mo. I had to fill in for a netball team that I support. The injured player I replaced was twice my height and half my age. You can see how this went. Oh, you're not good, not good.

I stepped in at a birthday party because the magician was late. I played games, et cetera. Now I'm a full-time magician for 11 years. Yeah, there you go. And a woman. They say, and a woman. Now, is magician a... It's heavily dominated by the...

Totally, but is magician the male noun? Oh. Magician-ess. Magician-ess. Magish. Magistress. Magish. Hello, Soundkeeper Georgia here.

So I've actually banned producer Jared from playing the Secret Sound guesses from the show in the Fletch, Fawn and Hayley podcast. Instead, you need to listen to our Secret Sound podcast to get it where you can text SECRET9696 and you'll get a link directly to the podcast. Or you can just follow our socials, Secret Sound everywhere. All right. Toodles. Well, if you enjoyed that, give us a rating and review and be sure to tell your mates. You know what?

I reckon your script reading is getting better. Thank you. I give it five stars. Thank you. Just like I'd give this podcast. I'm telling my friends about your script reading too. Thank you. Much like I'm going to do about this podcast.

Thank you Vaughan and Hayley for that. Good boy.