ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 23rd December 2022

Episode Date: December 22, 2022

Waka Kotahi Travel App  Top 6: Queenstown Workers  Silly Little Poll!  A Heartfelt Thank You... Hayleys Version!  Goodbye Orphans!Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, trying to restimate iced coffees. Available now at your local McCafe. This is our last big radio show podcast for the year. But, great news, and we mentioned this before, we will be every day releasing

a miniature bite-sized podcast. Yes. Ranging in anything from, what, I'd say 5 to 15 minutes? Or even longer sometimes. Yeah. We've got some good fun stuff for you. Yeah. You know how the bloody

wheels come off during the podcast intros? Think of that, but even more so. Yes. But yeah, I guess, what, the last radio show of the year? Yeah. Although the podcast will continue. Every day there'll be one. We just want to say thank you so much for listening.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We really appreciate it, and we hope that you come back next year. What are you thinking of them for? They get something for nothing. These people, they get a podcast. They give us nothing for it. Financially, they're absolutely off the hook. But they're invested in our journey, Vaughn.

This is what they want you to think. They want you to think we rely on them. They rely on us. Don't thank them. They should be thanking us. Otherwise, we're just talking into the void. They bitch and whinge every opportunity they get. Where's the podcast?

The podcast isn't up yet. Oh, there's this, that and the other. Please don't leave because Vaughn's being so rude. They won't leave. They won't go anywhere. They love being negged. I feel like we're hosting. They're addicted to this weird abusive relationship.

I feel like we're hosting a Christmas party and the husband's gone drunk and turned out and said, oh, what the fuck have you brought? And you've become that kind of host. This is the kind of host I am. This is the kind of host you are. He's a prick. He's an asshole.

He's a downright prick. He's a real son of a bitch. So thank you for... This is what I did at our Christmas party. It got too noisy and I went to the room. I know you did. I was like, God, I turned it down. I kept walking out to the lounge and turning down the music.

Thank you for your downloads. Thank you. Can you stop? Thank you for your right downline in the podcast. For your likes. Thank you for the likes and subscribes. Now give them a chance to say thank you back. Oh my God, Vaughn.

Just give them a bit of silence. You know what? This is Vaughn's coping mechanism because he cannot be sincere. Okay. Try to say something nice to the podcast listeners. Try to say something nice and earnest to the people that download and listen every day to the podcast. Do it. See if you can do it.

You're welcome. No, that's not it. It's like when we did the Red Cross ads for the famine. He didn't sound sincere enough. Show Hayley how you voiced the ad for the famine. The Red Cross famine that was happening. Right now, what was it? I think it was a flood.

Maybe there was a flood? No, it was to do with the Gaza Strip. Yeah, it was a Gaza. Okay, read Hayley how you did the ad for the Red Cross Gaza appeal. We had to take them off air because he sounded like he was taking the piss. Right now, in the Gaza Strip, people are hungry. Oh, Vorney. Right now.

That intonation there was right off. Right now, in the Gaza Strip, there's war-torn neighbourhoods. You need to go down more. Right now, in the Gaza Strip, people are hungry. Down we go. Hungry. Right now, in the Gaza Strip, people are hungry. Down we go. Hungry. Right now in the Gaza Strip, people are hungry. Oh, my God.

The little glottal fry at the end was perfect. Thank you. I love the glottal fry. Oh, my God. People are hungry. Okay, try a glottal fry. What's a glottal fry? Okay.

Right now in the Gaza Strip, people are hungry. No. So, anyway, we're recording this ad, Okay Right now in the Gaza Strip People are hungry No Vaughn So anyway We're recording this ad And we try like Ten times for Vaughn I do it first time And people are like

Oh you're so sincere You're so sincere That's beautiful And really heartfelt And you care about the charity Whereas Vaughn Our drought has hit Africa What is

This tone is not right It's not It's not a rom-com It's not a rom-com. It's not a comedy. Drop down a bit. And what you're doing is you're smiling as you're saying it. And we can hear the smile.

Right now, a drought has hit Africa. Why are you saying Africa like that? Africa. Right now. Like Africa. Ooh, Africa. Right now. Okay, so try this.

But say something nice to the podcast listeners that make our podcast what it is. Because without them, we'd have nothing. The podcast would be exactly the same without them. No, because we wouldn't do it. But we'd just still be there. We could do it. Okay, say something nice to thank all the people for listening and downloading the podcast this year.

A little bit of glottal fry. Down at the end. Thank you. No, it's already off. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. Thanks for the podcast is what I'd imagine you'd say to me.

If you met me. Because we're the ones making something to which you get for nothing. Okay. I'm just saying. is a one way relationship Thank you Vaughn Hayley and I will both say thank you To all of our listeners I'd like to say thank you to our producers

Come along Yeah but thank you Thank them then We're going out for a lunch To thank them Which you're ignoring Thank you Carwen You've done an amazing job

You've stepped up since Anna left Thank you to Anna who's not here Listen to the sincerity Well because I've done an amazing job. You've stepped up since Anna left. Thank you to Anna who's not here. Listen to the sincerity. Well, because I've done something to deserve it. Thank you to Anna who's not here. She learned so much from me that she is now. Oh, my God. See, now you're just like, it's come back internally.

Thank you to Jared Pickstock who no longer needs to be tagged on the podcast family page anytime there's a problem with the podcast. Now you're sort of condemning the podcast listeners. You're telling them off for harassing us. Be sincere. Be sincere just like that. Thank you, Jared. Thank you, Colin.

Thank you, Anna. Thank you, Fletch. Give me the Gaza bit, but with this tone. Right now on the Gaza Strip. The way he says Gaza, it's not right. Foreign people are dying. The Gaza Strip. The way he says Gaza, it's not right. Foreign people are dying. The Gaza Strip or simply Gaza.

And the Gaza. Have you guys heard of Gaza? That's the Nigel Thornberry saying, I love Thornberry. I'm on the Gaza Strip. To everybody in Gaza, to everybody who listens

to the podcast around the world and here in New Zealand, thank you so much for being with us this year. The podcast continue and the live radio show will be back on the 23rd of January. That is going to happen with or without you. No, because if no one's listening, Vaughan. It will continue to happen. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Thank you, Sam.

Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Woo-hoo! Last show of the year and someone's already phoning it in. Woo! Oh, God. See, that mic sounds terrible. No, this is a standard broadcasting mic.

Hayley, Han, if you could just pop a little bit more volume into my headphones on the dial there. Oh, my God. pop a little bit more volume into my headphones on the dial there. Oh, my God. Just a little bit more. The producers have made Vaughn a beanbag broadcast area. Tad more, tad more. And give it heaps. Give it to three o'clock. Yeah, he likes it a lot.

There we go. He's deaf now. He's deaf. Yeah, the sexy wheelbarrow, as it's called, the sexy wheelbarrow broadcasting reward nook. Awarded to somebody who embodies all the facets of professional broadcasting and carried the show across the finish line. Truly an inspiration and an honour to work alongside you. Thank you for being the FVH Sexy Wheelbarrow for 2022.

I'm going to say it. I'm going to swear straight out the gate. This is bullshit. There's room for two, but you'll have to earn it. I'm not snuggling. No one has to snuggle. This is a giant beanbag. This is good.

Listen to the tone of my voice. I sound relaxed. You know, we've got a nation that's on the precipice of a Christmas-based nervous breakdown, you know? We've got traffic. We've got money. We've got pending economic doom. No, we don't have money.

What's the weather doing? The weather today is nice. See, so what's it doing? So what I'm saying is I want to, I just want to chill everybody out. Okay. So that's the thing.

I'm a chilled out, I'm a chilled out broadcaster. We're literally, this is going to be pretty chill. This is such, this. Now what are your thoughts on this auspicious occasion? Cigarettes in the studio. I think

we should light some durries. Oh my god. This only just started. I'm a little hungover. My children asked me yesterday if I used to smoke because I've been doing this at home after I like deliver a zinger or just say something at home. I give a fake smoke. A fake smoke. And they're like,

Dad, did you use the smoke? I was like, never in my life. Never in my life. You're weird. You're weird., Dad, did you use the smoke? I was like, never in my life. Never in my life. They're like, you're weird. You're weird. Coming up on the show, the top six in struggles in Queenstown and the hospo, in a lot of industries. Yeah. Finding workers.

I thought you said Indel Industries. I was like, you've said that word wrong, mate. Indel Industries. Indel. That's the company. Indel Industries. Hell of a Queenstown operation. And a lot of industries, especially hospo and accommodation. You can get paid $28 an hour to work at McDonald of a Queenstown operation. And a lot of industries, especially hospital and accommodation.

You can get paid $28 an hour to work at McDonald's in Queenstown. Show sponsor. Show sponsor. Actually, thanks to McCafe, try barista-made iced coffees available now at your local McCafe by a worker earning $28 an hour. That is a great wage.

They'll be a happier worker though, won't they? They'll be a happier worker. Wait, we're saying $28 is good, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was suddenly like, I've lost touch on the wage here. No, no, it's got no experience required, $28 an hour. Like, bars and stuff can't find workers because they've got nowhere to stay

because all the accommodations, like either an Airbnb or it's cost of living is insane, rents through the roof. I've got the top six places we can pop some workers in Queenstown. All right. Also on the show today, we've got a brand new

Hayley's version wrapping up the year. Yeah, we do. For 2022. That's after 8 o'clock this morning. It sure is. How's that going?

Is that... Work in progress. Okay, I like that. Also coming up, we talked about a record that's been, that was beaten just a couple of days ago. A 19-year-old sharer. Yeah, well, I tell you what, there's a bit of, would you say a bit of controversy? I think so.

Controversy in the sharing world. Yeah, like a young fella doing well and an old fella saying, hold my bloody Canterbury draft, I'll show you how this is done. It's coming up. Next, though, there's a new tool that's been launched to help us this holiday season if you're on the road travelling. Yeah. Also today, the busiest day at the airports around the country as well.

Is the new tool our ice cream index? No. Okay. But that is available. ZM Online to find the best ice creams in the country. Play. ZM's Flet find the best ice creams in the country. Today, the busiest day at airports around the country. Apparently. Tens of thousands of people.

What was Auckland Airport, they're expecting a loan today. What was it? Was it 50 or 100,000 people today? 100 million people through the airport today. I've got the stats in front of me. Don't second,000 people today? 100 million people. Yeah. Through the airport today. I've got the stats in front of me. Don't second guess me. It's 100 million people today. So the Auckland airport has asked everybody to smile.

Beg your pardon? As a woman, I reject it. You're prettier when you smile. You just look nicer when you smile. You're like, oh my God. Like smile. A, you look prettier. B, you're going home for Christmas.

Wow, okay. Yeah. I think they just like, you know. Like, smile. A, you look prettier. B, you're going home for Christmas. Wow, okay. Yeah. I think they're just like, you know, have some patience. Yeah. Because it's going to be packed. Like the hospital. Like the hospital. Like the hospital.

Have patience. They'll be overloaded this Christmas break, too. Oh, my God. Maybe that's another place you should smile. Have patience if you're a patient. The hospitals were saying, hey, don't get injured. We don't have the capacity to deal with you. Yeah, it's a lot of COVID out there.

Just don't do that. Well, Waka Kotahi have released an online tool showing likely holiday traffic jams based on modelling and what's happened in previous years. I reckon I could tell you most of them of the North Island. Yeah, so I don't want to be a negative Nancy. I like that you went with Nancy and not Nellie. I don't want to be a negative Nellie.

No, you're Nancy. I'm a negative Nancy. You're a Nancy. I could be a negative Neville. But it just does seem like a little bit of waste of time, this thing. Because I don't know if Waka Kotahi have heard of Google Maps or Waze with their real-time traffic updates. Tells you in the moment, doesn't it? But there's literally a map.

Are you telling me? I don't mean to sound like a drunk uncle going on a rant, but right now that I'm starting. Are you telling me the government's wasted more money? Surprise, surprise. Yeah, so it's basically, I think this would be a good map if you haven't travelled in some parts of the country and you don't know those areas.

Just hark it on ways, mate. But it's basically, yeah, like, for example, Auckland, it says State Highway 1 between Puhui and Wellsford. Oh, boy. Oh, my gosh. Traffic, traffic, traffic in Wellsford? Traffic out of New Zealand's largest city? When the road gets smaller on the way to holiday hotspots,

it's going to be busy? Yeah. Are you effing kidding me? Now, this may also shock you, but State Highway 2, Rumataka Hill between Wellington and Featherston, that also gets traffic jams and very busy. I know. I know, I know.

The soldiers marched over there. Yeah, yeah. Didn't they? I feel bad now. I'm actually making my dad pick me up from the airport, Wellington Airport, and taking me over the... You should have taken the train. ...Limituckers.

I don't want to. Beautiful. I don't want to. I don't want to. My daddy to pick me up in his Range Rover. Well, yeah, it's just basically got everywhere that gets busy on this map. And it's like, well, of course, but it's not a map in real time. So I don't know why Waka Kotahi didn't just say.

It's like give the roads a chance. They're already condemning them. They're already damning them. There's an app and it's called Waze, W-A-Z-E. Now you might use Google Maps. You might use Apple Maps, which is the one thing Apple have not done well. I know, it's literally the one thing. Apple Maps sucks.

So there's one called Waze, and you're just cruising along. It works on like Apple CarPlay and Samsung CarPlay, whatever that one's called. It works on that. And the more people that use it, the more people that use it, the better it is. And it's great because if you get stuck in traffic, there's a little orange button and you go boop, traffic, medium, boop,

traffic, standstill, boop, traffic. Shouldn't be using your phone while you're driving. No, it's just a tap, tap. Or you get the passenger to do it. Oh, it's on the car display and it's not illegal to change the radio station.

It has all the... I mean, don't change. It should be illegal to change the radio station. Don't change. Unless you're on another radio station then change it back. But once you're on ZM

it's illegal to change to any others. You don't know how much we paid to get that law put in place. It's a lot. So please utilise that. It's a lot. And also it shows like any cops hiding on the side of the road with their laser guns. And it shows where all the speed cameras are.

And you can see how the Waze uses it. And it uses Google data. It's owned by Google. Yeah. So it's amazing. Use Waze. It'll save you so much time. Hashtag non-spawn.

This isn't a paid endorsement for Waze, but as a taxpayer, you just paid a fortune for a waka kotahi to tell you that poo-hoi's a bit of a bottleneck. This probably took someone like four weeks to do in the office leading up to Christmas. Like, calm down. What other, like like not surprising? Oh, you shut up.

Just everywhere. Your company coast is on. Everywhere's on. Like the Tuckaninny exit, you know. This will blow your mind. The State Highway 27 turn off to the Bay of Plenty at the bottom of the Bombay Hills. Sometimes there's a bit of traffic there. Bombay's there, yeah.

What? Heading to the Coromandel? A lot of people go to the Coromandel. Oh, famously. Yes, yes, yes. Like often there's a queue. Often there's a bit of traffic there. Bombay's there, yeah. What? Heading to the Coromandel? Do a lot of people go to the Coromandel? Oh, famously. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, my gosh. Often there's a queue. Often there's a queue.

So there you go. Do you know the way around that? Keep going, get off at Pocono, grab an ice cream, loop back around, and you're not even stuck in that queue. That is a Vaughan Smith how to get an ice cream and save yourself 20 minutes. Hot hack. You can get some bacon there as well. Yeah, they got a bit stingy on their bacon...

On their... On their sannies? On their sannies. Yeah, right. Bacon sannies. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Country calendar bed. Oh, yeah, let me find that.

I could do it vocally if you want. Yeah, if you'd like to start that. Absolutely. That's not the country calendar bed. That's not the country calendar bed. What. That's not the country I want to be. What are you doing? What are you doing? No, no, no, no.

I like this one better. No, no, no. Go talk over it. I'm just background music. No, I won't talk over it. I won't even. I feel underappreciated in this moment. It was pretty much the same.

Bum-da-lum-da-lum. Did I not just say bum-da-lum-da-lum? You know what, Vaughan? This may shock you. I've watched a lot of Country Calendar. Vaughan loves it. Loves it. Every week.

Big watcher. I'm more of a home-and-away gal. Oh, you would be. Well, you'll remember Ruben Alabaster broke a world record earlier in the year. He did 746 lambs in a day. Well, Jack Fagan, Tika Woody. You said this year. Do you mean this week?

This week. Sorry, did I say this year? This week. Did you hear that? Well, technically this week was also this year. This is a disaster. We should have just gone on holiday. I'm not wrong. I apologise for this subpar show. That's alright.

I can't say anything around here. I won't bother. Oh, Mum, come on. No, no, you've made it perfectly clear that no one wants Mums at the end. I didn't mean it like that. I've been around a while, but what would I know? Alright. Shut up, Rita. What would you know? That's what my nanny used to say.

She'd be halfway through, like, I don't know why they do it. Shut up, Rita. What would you know? That's how you do it. There's a woman raised in a different era. Oh, shut my mouth. What would I know? Oh, shut up.

I'm just a woman. What would I know? I'm going to make some bloody scones. I'll get some scones on. What would I know? Well, Reuben Alabaster broke that'll go make some bloody scones. I'll get some scones on. What would I know? Well, Ruben Alabaster broke that record. This week? This week.

Well, technically this year. Be more specific. 746 he won by two. What did you break it down to? An hour? There were four runs. So there was morning, and then smoko, and then smoko to lunch, lunch to afternoon smoko.

But per hour, what did it work? And then post smoko. It was like 70 an hour? Is that what you said? He was sharing the lamb. Every 42 seconds, he was getting the lamb done. That is nuts. He's 19.

Well, it's been smashed. Fagan, that is a name synonymous with sharing here in New Zealand. Really? Jack Fagan has beaten it. It is. It is. Even I've heard that name. David Fagan.

Fagan Motors. David Fagan. Well, probably might be the same Fagan's. Whereabouts in the... I just always see Fagan Motors on the trims of number plates. Why do you remember that? That's weird. It makes me giggle a little bit.

What? What does... Okay. It is weird how car names, names of car, you never think about it. Like John Andrew Ford. Yeah.

I need to think that's the name. I know. That's the name of the car, yeah, but it was somebody's name, right? I know, John Andrew. Craig Scott Motors. You're like, oh yeah, that's just... Fagan Motors, this is why, because it's Masterton in the Wh, yeah, but it was somebody's name, right? I know. John Andrew. Craig's got motors. You're like, oh, yeah, that's just. Fagan Motors.

This is why, because it's Masterton in the Whited Upper where my parents live. Might be the same people. Yeah. Right. So David Fagan was the sharer that we all know. He's Sir David Fagan, by the way. Oh, okay. Yeah, right.

Did you know? For services to sheep? Sheep? Sheep haircuts. Oh, I'm sorry. He does a beautiful fade. You should see his fade. You should see haircuts. He does a beautiful fade. You should see his fade. He does.

So quick. Down to zero. He's doing a lot of mullets now. Yes. They're wanting a lot of mullets. Oh my God, I went to the barber yesterday. Yep. Good short beard today.

We like the short beard, don't we? It's verging on Craig David. It's verging. Craig David. You know I don't like that. It's not verging on Craig David. It is. It's too high on Craig David. It's not verging. Craig David. You know I don't like that. It's not verging on Craig David. It's too high on the cheek. It's not verging on Craig David.

I met her on a Monday. I think he went a little short on the moustache. No, no, no, that's good. I haven't gone too short on the moustache. No, it's not Craig David. So the amount of, I was there for a long time because usually they'll walk in, but it was so busy people had started making appointments.

Don't do that. Yeah. Because you ruin the walk-in schedule. Yeah. It's a walk-in. It's a walk-in. It's a walk-in. It's a walk-in.

It's a walk-in, Baba. Don't make appointments here. It's a walk-in. bub. You don't make appointments here. It's a walk-in. We're just a couple of dads, aren't we? The amount of people getting mullets. Really? These, like, tradies come in, and, like, they hire those shirts, and they're like, yeah, just have a bit of a tidy up.

No, yeah, what are you after? He's like, oh, and the mullet crisped. And then this guy just... The mullet crisped. This guy came in, and he just got this. Zoom, short sides, like, shaggy. Trimmed on top, the mullet crisp this guy came in and he just got this zoom short sides like

shaggy trimmed on top long mullet I don't think the mullet got touched I've got to say I reckon the mullets are sexy

they'll come back nope I can't imagine the grandparents at Christmas liking a mullet oh no we're like

what is that no our parents generation with their grandkids turning up with those big ass mullets that kids are rocking at the moment. Huge mullets on kids. So this sharing record.

We haven't even said what he got to. Jack Fagan, two days later, he beat him. Two days? Three? Two. What a jack. Let it simmer. Let it settle.

He got 754 sheep. So he bet it by eight. Is it record season? Is everyone sharing? It's sharing. It's sharing. You want to get your sharing out of the way before Christmas. He didn't go out specifically to beat this record.

Yeah, he did. He did. He's like, I'll show this kid. Yeah. How old's this guy though? How'd you eat your sheep, Sean, for nothing? Because somebody wants to do a world record attempt. You'd be bloody lined up around the block.

Do you know what I just learnt before? Jared's, producer Jared's mum had a world record. What did your mum have a world record in? Where is this in Namibia? This would be Cape Town. Cape Town. Oh, yes. So she went down to Brownies Mattress Direct.

Was it actually? Wait, Brownies was a Christchurch institution. When did Brownies launch into Cape Town? Yeah, the Brownies launched into Christchurch. Does he do the months interest free? X months interest free? I'm not sure. No, it's the SAFA version, so it'll be Brownies.

Brownies. Well, it probably wouldn't be Brownies, actually. No, no, no. Whitey's Mattress Direct. Whitey's mattress to read Whitey's mattress to read Yeah mum had a Brief world record For jumping on a mattress For the longest time

What? Yeah her and me Now how long did she Jump on the mattress? I'm a bit foggy on the details But I think it was around Three days And they had

What? Just continual jumping? Yeah continual jumping They had X amount of time where they could hop off and another person would take their place and they could go to the bathroom

and sleep and stuff. This is wild. Yeah, they did all of that and then a week later some UK people broke their record so they didn't get in the book. So it was a little team effort?

Yeah, so it was multiple people. I think it was her uni mates. So how long would she be continually jumping for? I don't know. I'll ask her. I think it was her uni mates. So how long would she be continually jumping for? I don't know. I'll ask her. I can't help but feel sorry for her breasts. And I'm sorry to bring up your mother's breasts on here.

Yeah, no. Please don't be. Days of boinging these things around. I hope she had a good, well-strapped sports bra. Yeah. Did she mention that? Can you get the details of the what bra? Actually, for our running listeners, they'll want to know the details of the sports bra. Yeah. Did she mention that? Can you get the details of the what bra? Actually,

for our running listeners, they'll want to know the details of the sports bra she wore. Absolutely. How buxom is your mother? Because he might be rocking a flat chested mother. A couple of A's

and in which case that's fine. And I'll tell you what, as you get older, when you're younger you want the big boozies, don't you? And then when you get older

you want a blessing. A petite set. A petite set. A petite set. You can't win easy. What are we talking? Between A to B? I don't know. A C to a sort of a D.

Oh, no. Jared now doesn't want to talk about his mother's world record. How buxom is your mother? That could be a new show feature next year. I don't know if it could be. But I can guess your mum's name. But I can guess your mum's name. But I can guess your mum's bust size. Now, is your mother a runner?

Yeah. What kind of workouts does your mum do? Oh, God. All right, well. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six.

Hey. Oh. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Hey! Oh! The last top six of the year. Wow. The headlining top six. Oh, let's not put too much pressure on it. This is what it's all been leading to. When Fletch said, you've got 48 seconds, you're going to be ready,

I was like, yeah, of course. I've got faith in you, Vaughan. Thank you. Well, Queenstown's housing crisis is hitting home as local recruitment agency reports 13 staff at Place quit their jobs in the first week of this month because they couldn't find accommodation. Yikes.

And it's just ongoing. I mean, this was a problem pre-pandemic, wasn't it? Pre-pandemic. You know, the workers had nowhere to live. Dude, Queenstown is insanely expensive and there's nowhere that isn't expensive. It's not like a huge city where there's a really expensive suburb

and then more of your working class suburb and then like, where are the slums? The slums of Queenstown. Sorry, um, Frankton. You're the slums now. Sorry, I'm adjusting my microphone. Frankton the slums. Sorry, Five Mile Hole.

Yeah, you're the slums now. Franklin's a'm just remembering. The slums. The slums. Sorry, Five Mile Hole. Yeah, you're the slums now. Franklin's a slum with its multi-million dollar properties. Yeah, I know, but that's one. We're just going to have to say they're not multi-million dollar anymore. Oh, right, okay. Beautiful view from those slums. Oh, my God, yeah. The view of the remarkable is from those slums.

Do you know what? And bear this in mind, not just in Queensland, but anywhere in the country at the moment, like, hospital workers are thin on the ground and overworked, and so don't get angry when your cocktail hasn't arrived. The ones that are left love this. Oi. I'm going down next way.

I was going to try a little garçon. A garçon. Garçon. Too respectful when they don't all speak French. This. Oi. Universal. Okay.

Okay, for those that don't understand Bour French. This. Oi! Universal. Okay. Okay, for those that don't understand Bourne's sarcasm, you are being very sarcastic. You click or whistle at a waiter, you're a piece of shit. I reckon find a defining feature of that person as well and yell it at them.

Hey, long legs. Yeah. Oi, blondie. Yeah, blondie's good. It's clear. All she needs to know is who you're yelling at. Again, sarcasm there.

We're not being sarcastic. That was meta. That was meta. Meta. Well, you've got the top six places that we can find a combination. Store them. Store them. They're not mattresses from Whitey's Mattress Direct.

From Whitey's Mattress Direct. From Whitey's Mattress Direct. Whitey's. The girl was dancing on the mattress for three days. Yeah, she's very buxom. Very buxom. I don't know how her breasts put up with this. She took a break at one stage. I'm assuming got the sports bra on.

Strapped them up with something really tight. Yes. She strapped them up just in time for us to have a visit from absolute legendary cricketer Hansi Kroenje. Right. You know, that guy's got a big future. He won't do anything wrong and certainly won't die in a mysterious plane crash. No.

I don't even know why you'd say it. You know, just shooting the shit. Top six places to store all these workers. Number six on the list of today's top six. The PMS Ernst Law. Yes. Beautiful butt. We can put them on there.

PMS? PMS Ernst Law. Why is it the PMS? That's what the boats are called. No, they're HMS. No, the PMS Endeavor. The premenstrual syndrome Endeavor. Yeah.

Right. Well, it explains his mood when he got here. Yeah. I never knew. You're right. Okay. It's a big boat. Lots of space.

It's not running at night. Yeah, no. Fair call. And I love the smell of coal. Coal and that diesel, that heavy machinery grease. Not just ordinary grease, that real thick stuff. And then get out before the tourists take the first boat to the end of the lake. They'll be off to work.

Easy peasy. Number five on the list of the top six places to store all those workers are the gondolas that go up the skyline. Those are just like little cabins. Yeah. People aren't in them. You put a mattress in overnight. You might have to sleep on an angle.

Yeah, you'd have to curl up a bit. Fetal. Fetal paws. In the summer. More summer at comm than it is winter at comm. It'd get hot in summer. You'd want to crack the door open a bit. But then, of course, you've got the risk of falling out

and falling 80 metres into pine trees. Yeah, true. In summer. But, you know, what are you going to do? Yeah, vehicle. Number four on the, you know, what are you going to do? Yeah, vehicle. Number four on the list of the top six places to store all those Queenstown workers. That shark boat that jumps out of the water. I would not want to go in that.

That looks horrible. It's like a little pod, eh? Yeah. It goes under. It's like a mini submarine. Yeah. But when they're like, and they go, and they hit the water. How is someone not getting severe whiplash?

I know. Or when they turn it and it goes under the water and you're just like. Absolutely not. I get so violently sick on that thing. Number three on the list of the top six places to store all those Queenstown workers, escape rooms. Those are just empty rooms at night. Literally. I might need to wake up quite early because I'm not very good at escape rooms.

Yeah, you need to. Sorry boss, late to work again today because I couldn't find the key to get out. You know how they always click the walkie-talkie if you need to look up at the screen for a clue? Yeah. And then the clue is, it's just a code to get out.

It's the same every day. It's the same escape room once you've done it. You know, it's done. Number two on the list of the top six places to store all those workers are the rental cars that aren't being used. Oh, yeah. Okay, good idea. All those rental cars.

You know, and the deal is, you know, give it a quick vac and a Febreze when you wake up and go to work. Yeah, you're done. Get the stink of human out. Yeah, because you might come home and your house is gone because somebody's rented it for seven days. Again, that's the gamble, isn't it? Put that greasy stuff on the dashboard.

What's that? They always put the greasy stuff on the mat and the dashboard. I know, it's so greasy. And you put your foot in and you're like... It's slippery. Is it lube? Do they lube it up? No, but it is to stop stuff sticking to it.

So it would have a lubricant in it. Yeah, so something dusty. Lighten up on the lube, Avis. Yeah. Lighten up on the lube. They sometimes say you can never have too much. Lube or Avis. Sorry.

In a rental car, it's too slippery. Everything's so slippery. Calm down with the lube. Need a bit more friction. Thank you, Avis. No, no, I just love to slide into a Camry. I have to absolutely slip on in. We would have been dry entry to a Camry.

Hey, relax. No one's enjoying that. Let them lube their Camrys. Calm down. And number one on the list of the top six places to store all those Queenstown workers, Ferg Burger. This was just a...

God, I love it. How good is Ferg Burger? Ferg Burger rules. Has he been knighted? Ferg? Ferg Burger This was just a God I love How good is Ferg Burger Ferg Burger rules Has he been knighted Sir Ferg Ferg I don't know Should be

Oh yeah For services to buns I think he's 10 No he's not The guy The guy The guy on the The guy on the

The guy on the The guy on the The guy on the The guy on the The guy on the The guy on the The guy on the The guy on the

The guy on the Well he's old as hell Yeah but he's That's why Mr. Burger No that's That's the Mr. Burger

Oh so it was Fergus was his first name and Burger was his last name. Yeah, it's Fergus Burger. Well, I mean, it was written in the stars what he was going to do with himself, wasn't it? Yeah. He had no choice. Yeah, but there's still people alive running it. I don't know who they are. Give them a knighthood. It's just Cassie. Cassie Burger.

It's Young Cassie Burger. Ah, Young Cassie Burger. I don't know if it is. I don't know. Right future Young Cassie. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM. Fletchford and Hayley. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Sorry, that was hot. It came in hot. It's kind of high and hot. It came in hot. Well, you get excited because it's about Christmas dinner. It's about food. It's about food, this pole. Which is better, Christmas dinner or Christmas dessert?

Great question. Great question. Well, because, yeah, it's good, isn't it? It's all right. It's all good. I mean, the meats. You can't have one without the other. Yeah, that's true.

That's the thing. You couldn't just go to dessert having not had ham. You've got to start thinking about dessert before you even start your dinner. Yeah. Because you've got to leave a little room for pudding. You've got to start thinking about dessert before you even start your dinner. Yeah. Because you've got to leave a little room for pudding. No, you don't need room for pudding. You just keep pushing it in. You'll make room.

You'll make room. Push it in. Yeah, push it in. Push it in. Gluttonous. Yeah. Get it going. Which is better, Christmas dinner or dessert?

Dinner takes it out just. Yeah. 56% of people said dinner. 44% said dessert I think I'd agree Because there's so much to dinner And gravy So much gravy

So good There's meat and gravy So much gravy So much meat But then there's so much great dessert Yeah What's the ultimate Christmas dessert? I mean Pav

You've got to say Pav But trifle rules Yeah Bit of jelly got to say Pav, but trifle rules. Yeah. Bit of jelly, bit of custard, bit of sponge, bit of booze. Yeah, bit of fruit. Ambrosia. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

We've got a Christmas Chrissy Ambrose. Yeah. Some feedback on it. Megan says, I'm far too full for dessert. It's dinner all the way. Goodness me. Because you have it. Do you guys have the big, lunch is the big meal on Christmas. Yeah, it's always lunch.

Late lunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just going to message my mother and ask if she's going to do that dessert where she soaks cookies in Contro and makes a log, a cream-covered log. Yes, please. It's called Bev's Shit Yourself. It's called Bev's Bowel Cleaner It's called Bev's Bowel Cleaner. Bev's Bowel Cleaner.

It'll blow you right out. Yeah, you'll be over the limit with like one teaspoon. Yum. That's an elegant word. A boozy pud. Yeah. Mary says, or Marie, I do apologize if I've said that wrong, because I make the best Pav slash meringues and trifles as dessert for me.

Oh, yeah. She now. She I make the best Pav slash meringues and trifles, so it's dessert for me. Oh, yeah. She makes it good. Oh, meringues. See, I always prefer a meringue over a Pavlova. Yeah, Pavlova's a bit eggy for me. And you don't get the soft, you just get the nice crispy bits of the meringues. Chewy and crunchy.

Do you get two meringues stuck together with, like, a whipped cream or something? Oh, you could do, yeah. So it's got sort of a... Sort of a yo-yo vibe. Yeah, I like the meringues with the little hole in the middle that you can fill with cream. It's got a little dish. It's like a meringue bowl.

It's like a... No, no, no. It's like a meringue-win. A meringue-win. A meringue-win Yorkshire pud. Yes. Yum. He knows. Jamie Oliver made a Yorkshire Pud. Yes. Yum. He knows.

Jamie Oliver made a Yorkshire Pud last night on his Christmas. I watch these every year and every year I'm just like. He's so good. He's so good. He did not deserve that bankruptcy with his businesses. I feel like that was out of his hands. I think he's okay. I had a Yorkshire Pud for the first time last weekend with my friend's Christmas.

Rip and dip? Like we had. I was like picking it up and filling the little hole with gravy. Yeah. That's what you do. Oh my God, I didn't even know what they were. They're just pastry.

They're insane, eh? So one net worth is saying $200 million. Another is saying $400 million. Yeah, but he kept his personal and his business apart. It was just his name. But then of course, that's bad for the brand, isn't it?

Yeah, right. But he's doing it right. He's doing fine. He's doing fine. He's doing fine. Got a bit pissed at the end of that Jamie Oliver Christmas special, though. He did. Did he? His kids weren't there.

No, I was, but that goes without saying. But he had dinner with his parents and his wife's parents, and then they started getting real sloppy drunk and cheesing. Brilliant. And they edited it right down, but you could tell. Okay. Kathy says, for me it's pudding

because you've got to have your flaming Christmas pudding with brandy butter. Oh, yeah. Jesus, team that up with Bev's shit yourself and you've got to use a really boozy situation.

Nicole says, Pav, try for Lambrosia, brandy saps, steamed pudding. We all have to save room for dessert. Oh, my God. I forgot about

the caramel sticky pudding. Alicia says, you've got Christmas drinks. That's my favourite part. Oh yeah, that's true. That goes without saying. You can start in the morning though, can't you? Jordan says, how do you even answer this question? This isn't a fair question.

It's like being asked which one's your favourite child. Sophie's choice. Yeah. Emma said, for me, it's Christmas breakfast. Some people do they do the Christmas breakfast. Yeah, we do Christmas breakfast. We do French toast with bananas. Okay. We just have a plain breakfast because you get breakfast. We do French toast with bananas. Okay.

We just have a plain breakfast because you get a lot of eating to do later in the day. Yep. Well, there you go. Christmas dinner, taking it out. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Zach Prime on ZM, Something in the Orange. We all like that jam. It's a nice song. It's nice. You know me, I don't usually like a down buzz, but It's a nice song. It's nice. You know me, I don't usually like a down buzz,

but it's a beautiful song. It's beautiful. I could streak a country through it. I don't know. Streak a country. Yeah, we love that. That's ripe

for a Hayley's version, isn't it? Wow. I could whip up another one. That could be a 2023 to do. Yeah, we'll see

if it's still relevant. We've got a brand new Hayley's Vision this morning after 8 o'clock. We surely do. I see you furiously working on it. No, no. It's done. It's ready. It's ready. Okay. It's ready. A young man from San Diego has

like a lot of people out there been struggling to find his way onto the property ladder, find his way into reasonable rent, keep up with the cost of living, and also enjoy his life. He was trying to look for apartments. He was like, oh my God,

the cost of renting one of these apartments is ridiculous. There's no way in hell the money that I have saved will buy me a house where I want to be. Also, you know in America America, they pay monthly. That's weird, eh? I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle paying rent monthly. That would be weird.

Too much money. And I think, do they do that in London too? You pay a monthly as well? Why? I don't know. You guys told me yesterday you pay all your insurance in one go. And I was like, that's crazy. Well, I know because I like to do it and then it's done for the year that's a year but like when we changed to fortnightly pay i changed everything comes out

fortnightly insurance comes out fortnightly we used to be paid monthly that was nuts as well well when i was a freelancer i'd be lucky if i got paid each month yeah and you're in the arts. I am in the arts. So this guy, his answer, he figured out that renting or purchasing a 12-year lease on an apartment on board a cruise ship was cheaper and more affordable than buying a house on land. I didn't even know that this was possible. I didn't know it was possible either. So a 12-year lease on the ship cost US $300,000. So what, about 500-odd thousand? Just under $500,000 New Zealand dollars. Yeah.

Which works out to, in New Zealand, $2,100 a month. Right. Which is kind of on par with our rentals, I guess. Except he's living on his own. He has a whole big kind of room with everything he needs. Seeing the sights. Seeing the sights, travelling around. And unlimited food.

Yeah. He's never paying for food again. It's all-inclusive lifestyle. Food, drinks, like alcoholic drinks, gym membership. I thought he had bought this as an investment that he would then charge out to other people. No, he's living on it. He's living.

So what does he do for a job? He just hangs out. No, what does he do for money? That's not a job, Hayley. He's got a 24-hour room service. You would be rolling off that boat by the end of that 26 years. Oh my God.

I don't know. I don't know if you would, because you know, gastro rips through the boat every couple of weeks. Gastro, COVID, any sort of transmissible disease. Loves a cruise ship. He works for Meta.

So he'd be working remotely. But I mean I've never done a cruise. It doesn't appeal to me. I've never cruised. But I can't see it being fun after a while. I would feel trapped and I think I would jump off the edge. Do you know what I mean? I would just feel that kind of like

oh no, I've got to get out of this boat. You would be stopping because he's in America, San Diego. You'd just be living in the Caribbean the whole time. Yeah, it's going all the way to Croatia. Oh wow. So all the way to Europe. That's not all bad, is it?

Yeah, the only thing is that so it's going to have about, this boat has about a thousand residents all living on board more or less permanently. So this is like a long term thing. Oh, right.

Clay, Zed Eames, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I will say, and I don't want them to feel unloved, a very good morning and Merry Christmas to our Antarctic listeners.

Yes. We often don't include you in our greetings. Our Arctic listeners, stick it up your ass. Don't like you. You're not our pole. No. You're not our pole. But to our Antarctic listeners.

A phenomenal good morning and many, many, many seasons greetings. Well, I don't know why you're taking the piss. I just said, as a throwaway comment to end our segment about the Christmas lunch in Antarctica. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas

to Antarctica. We seldom hear from them for the long weekend. Yeah, I know. You know, they're down there bloody tooting away. Yeah.

And no one's responding. And there's snowmobiles. Yeah. Well, anyway. Joyeux Noël to ouric listeners. Bon. Jell-O cream for your sore teeth.

If you've got ulcers. Ulcers or a teething child. Now, I'm an expert in this, and I'm glad that I'm leading this story because I don't have a kitchen. Well, it's coming, but I haven't had a kitchen for maybe four months now. Well, you've had a temporary kitchen with a wok.

Electric frying pan. Electric frying pan, yeah. Well, that got old pretty quickly, so I've had a kitchen for maybe four months now. Well, you've had a temporary kitchen with a wok. Electric frying pan. Electric frying pan, yeah. Well, that got old pretty quickly. So I've had a lot of takeaways, including last night. Hayley, if I could just stop you here. I feel like talking about takeaways is going to exclude our Antarctic listeners. No, there's a McDonald's there. Is there?

Yeah. Proceed, please. A couple of beautiful cafes. They air drop in the patties and buns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fantastic. They're sorted. There has been a list compiled of the top takeaway dishes A couple of beautiful cafes. They air drop in the patties and buns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fantastic. They're sorted.

There has been a list compiled of the top takeaway dishes for New Zealand in 2022. What did we eat? What did we have the most? I won't go for the most popular because I know that's not what we do. Well done last day of her first year on radio and she's worked it out. She's worked it out. I'm getting better. She's got the ends of the list with the big one.

I'm also getting better with my peas. Yeah, you don't pop into the microphone. No, I'm... Hey, guys, what's pressing today? Burgers and pizza. Is that not number one? That's not number one. Wow, okay.

Burgers and pizza are our second and third. And number one is the classic butter chicken with a side of garlic naan. Do you know who died yesterday? I was just finding the story. The guy that invented tikka masala. Yeah. Now, when I said...

The British guy? Oh, my God, yeah, British guy. My wife was like, what are you talking about? Ali Ahmed Aslam. Yeah. Is his name. And she's like, that must be a dish as old as time itself. No, no. No, it's a British curry. Yeah. It's like That must be a dish As old as time itself No

No It's a British curry Yeah It's like what the British Were like I think this is what it tastes like So he Red and vegetables

Yeah He invented the tikka masala After a customer complained That his meal was too dry I love a curry Famously wet Yeah Yeah I was gonna say

Curries are very wet Very wet So he was born... One of the wettest meals apart from a soup. He was born in Pakistan. I'm just reading the story on the fly. Moved with his family to Glasgow as a young boy. Did he do any entertainment in Antarctica?

Just quick check in. I think primary school. Primary school in Antarctica. It doesn't know. He did nothing. Season's greetings to our Antarctica listeners. So he claimed that he made chicken tikka masala in the 1970s when a customer asked if there was a way of making his chicken tikka less dry.

Oh, because chicken tikka's old. Yeah. So the actual like skewers, like with the sticks of the- I love chicken. I love that though because it's in the clay. The tandoorium. Yeah, the tandoor. Yeah.

So he added a creamy tomato sauce. That was his solution and that's when it was born. Was it Watties or Heinz that he used as the base? It doesn't say. The sauce contained yogurt, cream, spices. Yeah. And that's where

it started. Glasgow. Well, we're still loving curry. Is butter chicken British? Because it does have a butter chicken originated from Northern India in 1948. Okay, okay, okay. Also known as Murg Makhani. Butter, chicken with butter.

Yum. La, la, la, la, la. It was interesting when I went to India, I'm quite well travelled. When I was in India. You haven't mentioned. When I was in India... You haven't mentioned. When I was in India... What part of India did you...

I was mostly in New Delhi. I would say good morning to our New Delhi listeners. Good morning. And season's greetings. Season's greetings to you. I won't say Merry Christmas because I'm not sure... Christmas doesn't pop off in India. Probably not, but I will say season's greetings.

Season's greetings. When I was in India, I tell you, you couldn't find a butter chicken to save yourself. Because like creamy curries is not really the jam. No, it's not, is it? More vegetable based. Delicious. Yum. Oh my god, the food was

insane. What about the breads? What breads are we talking about? Obviously cheese and garlic naan is a western, you know, absolute mutant monstrosity of a naan. How upsetting. And you know when you're having it, it's either like bagged mozzarella or tasty cheese.

I like it, mate. I like it. But what I'm saying is it needs to be more like pizza and garlic bread, which I also love. Oh, yum. Now I just want a butter chicken, but I did have one last night. So the curry is the most popular takeaway. This year, yeah.

And, you know, our takeaways have increased this year in general. Overall foods we've had takeaway by 23%. Holy. Wow. A quarter more than last year. It's like a year or so of lockdowns and people are sick of making their own food. I honestly reckon it's because a lot of the time it's and people are sick of making their own food. I honestly reckon

it's because a lot of the time it's cheaper to get takeaways than it is to eat healthy. Yeah. You go to the supermarket to get like a meal and you're like,

okay, I'm feeding my family for $80? Yeah. Yeah. I could just order a pizza and be fed. We could do homemade pizzas by all the bases

and just do all the toppings. Oh my God, it's one of the most arduous tasks. I know. And then you end up spending way more than like- So much money. Buy all the bases. Oh, my God. It's one of the most arduous tasks. I know. And then you end up spending way more than like. So much money. Yeah. All right.

17 past seven. That's it. Good morning to our Antarctic listeners. What time is it in Antarctica? Oh, gosh. We work on a different clock. Same time now as here. Is it?

Good morning to our Antarctic listeners. Good morning. Williams greetings. Is it? Good morning to our Antarctica Good morning The scones have arrived The scones have sucked all the moisture out of my mouth That's what famously scones do You need more butter on it They're the sponges of the food world No those are sponges

We're having a coffee so that the first drink of our day isn't a wine. Last show of the year. Speaking of sponges. Yep. Antarctica has sponges and a very good morning to our Antarctic listeners. Yeah, they do because they've got to keep the base nice and clean. You're being very facetious, Vaughn. I just made

a general lovely comment to Merry Christmas our Antarctic listeners in New Zealand. We don't have Antarctic listeners. We do. They listen on the iHeartRadio app. No, they're podcast. Nobody's messaged in.

Okay. Nobody's messaged in. There was $150 on the line. They're busy. And they're not. Exploring. I would like now to take a moment to be heart-felt and sincere. Heart-formed.

Do you mind if I eat my scone while you do this? Please do. Oh my God, do not eat with your mouth. Do not speak with your mouth full. I think you can retire. I will grant you access to the sexy wheelbarrow reclining nook of leisure and pleasure. I'm all right.

You're all right at the seat. Okay. I've got a special piece of music for this. Okay. What is this? Thank you for being a friend. Okay, right. I just want to say

thank you to some people. Yep. Thank you to couriers. Oh, yeah. Thank you to... Especially this... Is this why you're thanking them? This time of the year?

It's not. No, dickhead. Of course I'm thanking them because it's this time of the year, it's nuts. No, dickhead. I'm thanking them. Of course I'm thanking them because it's this time of the year. This is a special. This is a Christmas special. A Christmas thank you. It's a Christmas thank you.

Okay. To people that I think don't get enough thanks at Christmas. Okay. The couriers bust. Dude. They bust their asses. Do you see how jacked couriers look at the moment? It's because of all the lifting.

Do you know if I didn't work in the entertainment industry, I always sort of fancied a life as a courier. I know it's stressful, but like, listening to music, running around in the van, getting fit,

being outside. You love a chat too. I think that would be detrimental to your courier business. You'd spend 30 minutes at the first drop off and then you'd be late all day. Four packages a day.

You'd have all the goss too. I've just dropped a package off with the neighbours. I'll tell you where it was from. Peaches and cream. Peaches and cream. Peaches and cream. I don't think Karen's been sexually pleased by Craig anymore. I can hear them.

Yeah. Yeah, probably. Because this is her third order this month. She's absolutely tearing through them. She's destroying the tops. Does she know? No, no, you can buy a new top. You don't have to buy a whole new.

Anyway, I better get going. She's tearing through them. I get about busy. Busy. Thank you to couriers. Thank you to nurses, doctors, hospital staff on the whole. Ambulance drivers. Ambulance drivers.

Paramedics. Yes. Don't be a dick and do a dumb injury on Christmas Day. Well, they're saying don't get too drunk because... They can't deal with you. They can't deal with us all if we get drunk and hurt ourselves. Yeah. Just stay home. Don't.

Don't. Big thank you to the people who work in hospitals who deserve our thanks every day. Yeah. Thank you to the firefighters. Yes. And the firefighter calendar. Wendy, thank you very much. Big thank you.

Yeah, but make it sexy again. We're a bit conservative. Yeah, you raise money for kids this year. That's all we're going to do. Get the kids off the calendar. You go to your room and play. Right. You go to your room and play. More like soot and kind of dripping water and flames.

Maybe a bit of flame retardant. Yeah, right. The foam. The flame retardant foam. That's just a tip. Just covering the bits. Okay. Just. Yeah. Now we the bits. Okay. Just.

Yeah. Now we're talking. Yeah, good. Thank you to the police. The New Zealand police. Yeah. That's all your emergency services there. Hey, you know who else deserves a big thanks?

What about posties? You miss posties. I just glummed them in with couriers. No, you can't do that. It's different for me. But my, I'm rural. It's a lot of letters. I'm rural where it's a twofer. No, you can't do that. It's different form. It's a lot of letters. I'm rural. It's a twofer.

Yeah, right. Okay, well. Thank you to the posties. Less so than the couriers. Less so than the couriers. Slightly less thanks. Yes. Thanks to... I mean, they get great calves, don't they?

Although now they've gone to those buggies. I love the buggies. I wonder if posties' calves have degraded in the past two years. Getting a bit flabby in the calf. Yeah. That's right. Thanks to... Somebody's just messaged in, thanks to midwives.

Always on call. Now, they didn't get a special name. I would have put them under hospital staff. Yeah. I may be wrong. See, what I've done here is I've tried to thank people, but I think I'm just going to piss more people off. Yeah, because you're not.

And because then when I don't mention their occupation, they're going to be wild. Vaughn cancelled two days before Christmas because he missed out. We're going to have to carry. For not thanking the vets. Oh, the vets. I went to the vets yesterday. Thank you to the vets who will be doing it.

Is Muzzle right? He needs eye drops. You and him. Yes. Oh, my God. Father and son. Put you both down, I reckon. Save yourself a fortune on vet bills.

So thank you to the vets. Yep. Thank you to the... What about the supermarket workers? Dude, I was getting to them. Oh, they're going to work you. Every aspect of anybody that works at a supermarket, because then I was going to say thank you to the supermarket workers.

Except the people that make all the insane profits. The top of the supermarkets. No, just the workers. Oh, just the workers. The working class. Yep. Supermarket workers. Thank you to retail workers.

Oh, yes. Who are going to get hammered this side of Christmas and then hammered the other side of Christmas. And also, just while we've got your ear, I'm really sorry I don't know how to put the T-shirts back doing that special fold, so I just kind of lump it there and walk away. We prefer you do that,

because you'll do them wrong anyway. Yeah. Thank you. Because you've worked in retail, then that's what you like? Okay, good. All right. Thank you to the farmers.

You know the cows don't know it's bloody Christmas? Do they? Yeah, they've got to get up. They've got to get up. They've got to milk the cows on Christmas morning. Growing up as a farmer's kid, I can tell you what, there was no presents open

until Dad had got in and he took his bloody time on Christmas too. Sometimes they'd do the feeding out before he came in and then he'd be like, well, I'm hungry. I want breakfast.

And we'd just sit there at the table staring at him and be like, it's present time, old man. You've missed out quantity surveyors. I would like quantity surveyors.

You were getting to them. No, because their offices shut down. Professionals can to think quantity surveyors. You were getting to them. No, because their offices shut down. Professionals can stick it up their bum. This isn't for them. This isn't for the lawyers. This isn't for the accountants. What about the stock traders? You've missed out the stock traders.

I'm not thinking the stock traders. Someone said, what about bankers? Rough year for us. Pass off. Oh, my God. Rough year for us with our billion dollar profits. It better be sarcasm. Yeah.

Okay. What about real estate agents? No. No, you're not begging them. They had it too good for too long. Are you sure? What about thank you to our teachers? Oh.

No, they're on holidays already. Screw them. No, screw you, teachers. Screw the teachers. This is the people who are still working. Cruising it for eight weeks. Teachers knocked off for bloody December. No, they're working.

They're doing the work at school. Oh, yeah, right. The holidays are on. Thank you to the truckers. The truckies, yes. Thank you. We've got to rely on them. Don't move over.

Go on. No, nothing. Thank you to the truckies. This is a thank you. Because you get our goods to where we need them. Especially our ice road truckers in Antarctica. A big thank you to them. And a very good morning and a Merry Christmas to all of our Antarctic listeners.

Yeah, thank you. Someone said, what about firefighters? You've been thanked. Oh my God, where were you 10 minutes ago when this voice break started? Thank you to our prison staff. Yes. It's Christmas in prison. Except those ones that sleep with the hot ones.

No, thank you. They're still doing their job. There's always a prison guard that falls for the hot inmate. Gotta have a work perk. Yeah, that's true. Gotta have a work perk. And let's be honest, we'd all do it, wouldn't we? I would.

You know what? You know when I poo-pooed the teachers? Yep. I do want to say thank you to the early childhood education teachers. What, because your sister's one? Well, because your sister's one and you'll hear about it at Christmas. Well, I won't. He's covering his arse.

Thank you to the air traffic controllers. Oh! It's a busy time of the year. The pilots. It's the busiest day this Friday, right? Thank you. And Santa's going to be in the air this weekend. They've got to make sure no one crashes into Santa.

Yes, yes, yes. Flight attendants, they're working. Oh, yeah, thank you to flight attendants. And yes, I have turned it on to flight mode. I can still type while it's on flight mode. Yeah, but it's Messenger. Yeah, but I'll send it when it goes off flight mode. Thank you to the 111 staff.

Yes. They're going to be busy. Who else have you missed out that people are texting through? Thank you to people who work at marine shops. Well, rich people need their outboard motors service in time for the new year. What? Why do marine shop workers fall under retail? I thank you.

Sit down. Yeah. Thank you to vending machine owners. Hard year for us. Everyone's been working from home. Oh, yeah, that's true. And Jared keeps getting freebies out of your vending machine owners Hard year for us Everyone's been working from home Oh yeah that's true And Jared keeps getting freebies out of your vending machine Did you get a free one today?

Didn't get a free one today You've missed the soldiers Thank you to the New Zealand Defence Force Because you know the ever present threat of war Is hanging over us They were deployed this year to teach like Ukraine soldiers Yeah Well that's good Big shout out to the New Zealand Army Band over us. I don't want to put it. They were deployed this year to teach like Ukrainian soldiers. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, that's good. Big shout out to the New Zealand Army Band. They've done nothing but Christmas carols recently. They're sick of it. Lovely. Legendary.

Yeah. Thank you. Did I say thank you to the lifeguards? Oh, no, you did. Because they were my big one. I was going to thank them. Thank the lifeguards.

Because it's not all just sitting up in the tower with the binoculars perving at the hot people down the beach. You know, there's more to it. You've got to look cool in the IRB. That's not easy.

I reckon that's where I'd come unstuck, the IRB. When you hit the wave? Yeah. Shut up! I'd be like... Oh, shit, he's wrong. The IRB. The rescuer has become the rescuee.

Thank you to the small town wastewater system for putting up with more shit than usual because everyone's going home to small towns. Yeah. And flushing. I've got another one. Thanks to parking wardens and the people that man the bus lane cameras. No.

Big thank you. Keeping those, you know, council coffers full. That fine's due today. Can you pay that online, please? I still haven't decided if I'm just going to let it settle. Or go to court. Or go to court. Or go to court. Thank you to Zookeepers.

Thank you to Zookeepers. Thank you to all of these vital staff that keep it going over the holidays. And of course the biggest thank you of all to our Antarctic listeners. Fletchbourne and Hayley's Well, time today to take a look back at memorable moments of 2022. And today in the science department, Vaughan. Pronounce Skyence.

Skyence, yeah. Skyence. I thought it was Sheonch. Sheonch. Sheonch Shea. I beg your pardon. Skyence. Like conscience.

Yeah. Yes. Pretty much. Did you know in 1950, it was estimated that it took 50 years to double our medical knowledge as a race. Not my personal medical knowledge, which is zilch. That's why I trust the professionals. Of course. And then in 1980, it was then how fast our medical knowledge was advancing.

Every seven years, we doubled our medical knowledge. Right. Three and a half years to double our medical knowledge in 2010. And do you know what? At the moment, it's about 73 days. Isn't that insane? That's how it's all going science-wise in the field of medicine. You may be able to live to 200.

I want to. I don't want to die. You know me. I'm afraid of death. I know, yeah. Well, it's been a massive, massive, massive year for medicine. Okay. Science, we're touching on science as a whole,

but I'll tell you a little bit about medicine, what they've achieved this year. You may not even know this happened. Did you know necromancy is a thing? They've brought animals back from the dead. What? You mean like Pet Sematary? Yeah, without all the horrendous stuff.

Okay, right. They revived a pig that had been dead for an hour. That's right. I remember this story. It had been dead for an hour. They pumped this medical solution that they're kind of keeping under wraps at the moment because of the potential of it being worth millions of dollars, and it restarted the heart. That's insane.

Of this animal. Also, massive advancements in fertility treatments this year. Yeah. Mouse embryos were born without a sperm or an egg, meaning that same-sex couples somewhere down the track wouldn't need a sperm or an egg, meaning that same-sex couples somewhere down the track wouldn't need a sperm donor. Right. You know, someone wouldn't, one person wouldn't need, be genetically

connected to the baby. They'll be able to do it. Right. I mean, that's well down the track, but this thing's happening. Massive advancements in vaccines. Yeah, huge. It's just all the COVID vaccine research, when they're like, oh, that doesn't work for COVID, but like brand new vaccines for malaria and diseases that have plagued us for like hundreds of years. COVID vaccine research, when they're like, oh, that doesn't work for COVID, but it's

brand new vaccines for malaria and diseases that have plagued us for hundreds of years. And I'll have them all. Yeah, same. Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. I love when medicine finds that, when there's a medication for something that then fixes something else. Yeah, that's right. Like how they found out Viagra was, because it was for heart, wasn't it?

For heart. It was to open the veins. Yeah, blood vessels. So your blood flowed better. And then all these like old men in hospital were getting stiffies. Boing. And they were like, oh my goodness. And wasn't it after the Vietnam War to treat smoking,

they found out that whatever they were giving people for smoking was actually anti-anxiety and did great stuff for PTSD. Oh, right. But anyway, we're talking about this year. What else have they discovered? There's been massive breakthroughs in obesity therapy. They've been like, this is the gene. This is the one. And this thing called

AMG-133. That's the medication. That's entering phase two of next year. Phase one showed weight loss like never before for people who genetically find it a lot harder to lose weight. Multiple sclerosis. Sclerosis. MS.

They've kind of cracked open how it works. So I think a treatment for MS is kind of like on the horizon. Because were there some MS symptoms that were very similar to long COVID symptoms? And that's what kind of... Probably aches and pains. Yeah, shortness of breath and all that. Some other things that happened in the field of science this year that maybe you didn't even know happened.

Of course, remember when we sent a rocket up into space and knocked that asteroid? We were like, get out of here. Oh my God, we interjected it, didn't we? And punched it. And they said that was just the beginning of that. Intercepted. We're like, get out of here. Oh my God, we interjected it, didn't we? And punched it. And they said that was just the beginning of that. Intercepted.

If there's threats to Earth from that. A 30,000 year old woolly baby mammoth was discovered in Canadian ice this year and it's genetically the crispest DNA we've

ever got from a Oh my God, are we going to bring them back? Are we going to bring them back? Are we going to bring them back?

You bet. Do we not? You want one? Have we not seen Jurassic Park? Yeah, there's dinosaurs, man. There's cute little woolly animals. You bet. Do we not... I want one. Have we not seen Jurassic Park? Yeah, there's dinosaurs, man. There's cute little woolly animals.

You know my backyard, like my backyard's like sizable. Totally. And your fence is tall. Absolutely mammoth. God, I'm going to have a little woolly mammoth. What am I going to call it? Yeah, but remember...

Woolly. Adopt, don't shop. Yeah. When it comes to... I'll get a rescue one. I'll get a rescue one. I'm not a monster like this guy. You'll get a rescue woolly mammoth.

Yeah, you'll get a designer one. Oh, of course I will. You'll get a British short hair Willy Mammoth. Yeah, bright blue eyes. And it'll be like meow. Meow. Ice age era footprints

were discovered in the US meaning that humans were there seven and a half thousand years before we knew they were. Right. Before Adam and Eve or after?

Different story. Different universe. It's picking a hole in your story there, Morn, isn't it? Yeah. Sorry about that. Everybody? I think God might have put them there to test our faith. Brain cells that were grown in a lab learned to play a video game?

Ooh. I remember that story. That's a little bit scarlet. And they made it play that ping pong game, eh? Pong, yeah. Pong. It played pong. Made what? The brain cells. And they made it play that ping pong game. Pong, yeah. It played pong. Made what?

The brain cells. No, made what? Where did the brain cells get put into? They got electrodes put into the brain cells. Like, you know, lab-grown meat. Basically like that. Yeah. But with brain cells.

Thanks, vegans. You thank vegans for lab-grown meat. Thanks. Speaking of brains, scientists transplanted human brain cells into baby rats. So watch out for smart rats coming this summer. Oh, yuck. Don't do that.

And science also found out that, hey, this is one for you ladies. I'm listening. Men age faster than women. Listen up, vagina. I'm listening, Vaughn. Tell me. Surprising voice on the fanny.

Not while I'm eating, Vaughn. Tell me. Surprising voice on the fanning. Not while I'm eating a grape. It's very clear. I expected deeper. I thought it'd be more muffled, to be honest. It's speaking through the pants, isn't it? I'm listening, Vaughn. There it is. There it is.

I can't breathe. Good morning to our Antarctic vaginas that are listening. Vaughn, if you've just joined the show, I said good morning to our Antarctic listeners as a Merry Christmas wish, and Vaughn keeps ripping me. There are no Antarctic listeners. There are Antarctic listeners. They weren't at the time.

They might have tuned in now. They're talking about you on the radio. Oh, oh, oh. Tune in. What's the frequency down here? I heart radio. Men age faster than women and we're biologically four years older than you by the time we're 50. That sucks.

Wow. You know, I'm sure we'll be okay. It's because you work harder than us. Yeah, and get paid more, I think. Do you know what I mean? It's because you work harder. It's just the stress. It's flitting about.

And also they untangled quantum entanglement. But I couldn't even begin to understand what that meant. Yeah, and get paid more, I think. Do you know what I mean? It's because you work harder. It's just the stress. Just flitting about. And also they untangled quantum entanglement, but I couldn't even begin to understand what that meant. So congratulations to them, but hell of a year for science. Can I say my favourite science moment of the year was when we had a, that was the telescope that saw a star and it was a slice of treat, so. That was hot. That was my favourite science moment.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley's box of lazy. The lazy box, the lazy question box

on Instagram. We asked you, what's the juiciest goss of the year? Anonymously. Let's get juicy. Ooh, ooh, I didn't like that. I didn't like that.

Okay, let's get into them. A guy I know slept with his mate's fiancée, and to this day no one knows but those two and me. Oh! What? That's juicy. That's juicy. That's juicy.

That's the response to all of them. That's juicy. That's insane, isn't it? Like, that's juicy.'s juicy That's juicy That's insane isn't it That's juicy I couldn't sit on it Sorry I couldn't sit on the gossip Or she could I mean sit on it

And she did Oh someone says This is a two parter This is how juicy it is Oh the partner in our top-tier law firm got knocked up by a junior lawyer while she was

married with her three kids and stay at home husband. But I... La, la, la, la, la. Juicy! I thought they'd cleaned up the law industry after all. Are you kidding me? Cleaned up the law industry. No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no. Like good lawyers, they just made it appear like they had. Oh, okay, right. That's juicy. That's juicy. A friend's husband cheated on her with another hubby from the friend group. Oh! That's juicy.

Lots of cheating so far. Yeah, I mean, that's what all good gossip is right Yeah Someone's influencing honest life On social media was a complete lie And we all laugh Yeah it's not that juicy Because I expect most like Full time influences are full of shit

That's not that juicy That's alright That's alright. That's alright. That's alright. My friend got pregnant. Her husband had a vasectomy. They wrote vasectomy. Vasectomy.

I thought that was a fake vasectomy. My friend got pregnant. Her husband had a vasectomy. Turns out she was having an affair. Oh! That's juicy. In fact, we should do a segment next year called That's Juicy. Stay tuned, 2023. That's a long tease from you.

Yeah. Stay tuned. Up next in 2023. In the third week of January. Yeah. The last week of January. We'll be back with That's Juicy. That's Juicy. That's Juicy.

That my loud politician neighbour my loud politician boomer neighbour is using other politicians fraud as leverage. That's Juicy. I know we're doing anonymous. Loud

politician boomer neighbour. That could be literally any of them That's My friend found out his 18 year old son Isn't his, son doesn't know and hopefully never will Until he does an Ancestry.com test That's juicy

But sad, yeah But juicy That's juicy My father-in-law found out he had two kids to two different women years apart before he was married. Wait, say again? My father-in-law has found out he had two kids to two different women years apart before he was married. He found out? So he didn't know he had them.

Oh, my God. That's juicy. And confusing. That's very juicy. That our friend made a secret Instagram account with a different name. Why? Why should you do that? That's not that.

That's not that. No, it could be for their only fans or something. Oh, that's juicy. I'm just going to revisit one of our juicier ones for a hot, juicy finish. Yeah. Go on. A friend's husband cheated on her with another hubby from the friend group. Can you remember that one?

Oh, I remember. That's juicy. Thank you remember that one? Oh, I remember. That's juicy. Thank you for those anonymous secrets. I think, yeah, definitely that's juicy. I need to get my text message done. Next year. Sponsored by Juicy Couture. Or Juicy Car Rentals, maybe.

I have always wanted a pair of those. That's more relevant. Yeah, text in if you want to win a two-birth camper. By the way, that's a fake. I just made that up. We're not doing that. Please don't text in. I don't want to win a two-birth camper. Oh, Jesus. By the way, that's a fake. I just made that up. We're not doing that. Please don't text her. They don't want to be sexually texted.

Wait a minute. Don't text her. It's not an official competition. Next on the show, Hayley's version is being furiously finished. But not before your Friday flashback. Yes, and I'm going Christmas. Is it that time already?

Yes, it is. It's eight o'clock. That's juice. It's time to pop the bubbles. We it that time already? Yes, it is. It's 8 o'clock. That's juice! It's time to pop the bubbles. We're popping the bubbles now. With a bit of juice. With a bit of juice! Ah, that's juice. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Hayley's version. Hoo! Songs sung with different lines. Well, it's the last Hayley's version for 2022. And Vaughn and I have been handed a chorus. Yeah.

Because I believe we are, we're going to be helping you out like we did for the Will Smith Big Old Slap. Exactly. Which we did play earlier this week. We've been playing sort of the best of Hayley's version. And I wanted you guys to get involved because the chorus is unchanged. Call it lazy. Yeah, sure. Call it lazy. Yeah, sure. Call it ran out of ideas.

Yeah. But I think the chorus sort of suits this song. Call it started writing this this morning at 5.30am. Call it not my favourite night last night. Wrote it this morning. She's tired. But no, so this song, if you don't know the song, We Didn't Start the Fire, Billy Joel,

I think I would say, outwardly, his worst song. My favourite Billy Joel song, apart from Piano Man, which I know is another, an uptown girl. I like the trash Billy Joel songs. Yeah, you do love trash Billy Joel. But did he even perform that song, We Didn't Start the Fire? Yeah, that's one of his curtain calls. Oh, okay.

And it had all the images of everything. Because he just like lists names. It doesn't rhyme. Mine rhymes. Oh, okay. And it had all the images of everything. Because he just like lists names. It doesn't rhyme. Mine rhymes. Okay, right. But it's just basically, he's just like stating big things of history. Right. And you'll be stating big things of the year.

I couldn't fit it all in. It's been a hell of a year. Didn't the original song, he wrote it to prove to someone he could write a song about the 19th century, 20th century to date. Yeah. And he just goes like. And he just lists the things off. Joe DiMaggio. Bridge over the river. Quiet. and he just goes like. And he just lists the things off. Joe DiMaggio.

Bridge over the river, quiet. He just names. Yeah, thanks. Just says a whole lot of things. So this is We Didn't Start the Fire. Hayley's version, We Didn't Start the Fire. I'm just changing the emphasis. Now, when do I come in?

Because I don't have rhythm. Despite being in Lincoln Park. You'll know. You don't need rhythm man You just needed new metal Yeah It's a lot different Babe you've got rhythm

Thank you Okay Hit it It's quite an intro I should have intro'd over the top of this Oh here we go Oh the SingStar version It is SingStar version

So this is your note We We We We We We We We We We We We We We We We We We We We We We We We We We of a SingStar version. It is SingStar version. So this is your note. We. We. We're up here, beautiful. We. All right, here we go. This is Hayley's version. We didn't start the fire.

2022 version. We. We. You've already dropped it. Hello 2022. Thank you, we are done with you You have not been that much fun and now we say goodbye We thought you would be way more lucky But instead you were so sucky

Now using Billy Joel I will say some reasons why Little Bridge, don't sing yet. New point. Jacinda called David a prick James Corden was a dick London got really hot New point. New point. It was always burning since the world's been turning We didn't start the fire No, we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it This year has been really mean You even dared to kill the Queen It's left the royal family in a state of disarray

Megan and her Prince Harry Sat down with Oprah Winfrey Said on sausage fingers Thought our black kids not okay Harry spat on Chris Pine Word Wordle occupied our time. Liz Truss was PM, then she wasn't the PM. Chris Rock got a slap, Kate Bush made a comeback. Kim Kardashian ripped the dress of Marilyn.

We didn't start the fire. It was always burning since the world's been turning. We didn't stop the fire No, we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it Jen Coolidge won awards, Doug the Spud was a god Netters cost a fortune and the interest rates are high We all love the Black Ferns, Heidi Klum dressed as a worm Kendall Jenner proved she simply cannot use a knife

You know, had quite the year As a worm, Kendall Jenner proved she simply cannot use a knife. You know, had quite the year, naked dancing Britney Spears. She showed us all her boobies and she showed her fanny too. Johnny Depp sued Amber Heard cause she left a little turd. Argentina won the cup, Patty Gower said fuck. We didn't start the fire. It was always burning since the world's been turning. We didn't start the fire. It was always burning since the world's been turning. We didn't start the fire. No, we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it. People that were here are gone. Olivia Newton, John Taylor Hawkins, Kirstie Alley, lots of people died.

Adam Levine sent some texts asking models for some sex sex Kanye West got cancelled Cause he is a bad guy Dr. Dre at half time Inflation at all time high COVID's gone Now it's back Vaughn and Fletch both hurt their backs We didn't start the fire It was always burning

Since the world's been turning We didn't start the fire No we didn't light it But we tried to fight it. That is some of 2022. Yes! I'd forgotten half of those things. A few things in there, local, international, celebrity and otherwise.

Oh, brilliant. All right, well, we'll have a crack at our very own Christmas song after 8.30 this morning using all the Christmas sounds that experts say make an absolute banger of a song. But next on the show, Vaughan was told off at Costco yesterday by a stranger. Oh no. What's it? Yesterday, well, a bit of a backstory.

I'm in charge of cooking the turkey at the Smith family Christmas. Now, I have been. It's so wild, you having turkey. Forever. Well, we usually do those turkey rolls that are like deboned turkey breast, I assume, rolled with like a stuffing and it's got the twine around it. Like a turkey chub. A turkey chub.

Yeah. Okay. Hard to do right. There's never enough room in the oven, so I'm relegated to the gas barbecue, which is hard to get sitting at a low enough temperature. And when you're done, the turkey's cooked, but the stuffing's a little watery. So then I take that out, and I take the stuffing out, and I give that a blast by itself to cook it through.

But this year I said to Mum, can we try a real turkey? And she said, you know, let's do this. We're doing a glazed ham. Usually we just do a straight ham. Now, are you still refusing to put this turkey on your head? Sir, yes, I will still refuse to put the turkey on my head. I feel like that's just not right. Hello, Tudor.

Hello, Tudor. Where's the Mr Bean Christmas special? That's got to be on TV. Surely it's on. Come on, someone pull your finger out your ass and get the Mr Bean TV special on the telly. Right. So I had to get this turkey and-

Where do you even get a turkey from? So my local butcher had a turkey and I wanted to go there because I love my local butcher, but they were frozen. Is he an Ad? No, he's Aussie. Oh, okay, right. And I wanted to get like a turkey,

but they take so long to defrost once they're frozen. Right. So I went to Costco because I got this thing saying they had turkeys. Unfrosted. Unfrosted. Yeah. Cooled, chilled. Chilled.

But I went last week and it's like best before day, four days from now. I said, but if I freeze it, it will like, this seems kind of productive. So I'll go closer to the time and get a turkey. So yesterday I went and got a turkey. The smallest turkey they had was 7.2 kilograms of turkey. It was so heavy, carrying it to the car.

It's not as big as my cat. It's massive. Carrying it to the car. That's huge. In the bag it came in, it didn't have like a hole to put your hand through or I had to fold the plastic over and hold it in my fingers like that. And by the time I got to the car and took it off, you know when your fingers go white because they haven't had circulation

and then they start getting sore it was that that was the smallest turkey they had that sounds like it's still going to be big enough to put on your head

it sounds like you could get your little head into that crevice there was a 9kg turkey that's nonsense that's ridiculous wow so

but when I went there a whole string of things happened I went in and I went in before it had even opened. 10 o'clock opening time. I was in the doors at quarter to 10.

Why? Well, it's good. Maybe they've got different Christmas hours. No, apparently not. Apparently, I think they've just got a loose, they say 10, but it's loose. A loose opening. It's a loose opening. They've got a loose opening.

Costco's got a big loose opening. Like the turkey. Yeah. Big opening. I fit my head in Costco, but not in the turkey opening. Okay. So when I was kind of like, I got the trolley because I'm like, shout out one in another box of Tide Pods.

We're going through those. How much bloody washing is she doing? Lots. We're a big washing family. So I grabbed a truck with the Tide Pods because I've never used them. Neither. I know that there's like, Purse will do some. Yes.

We had those because last time I went, they didn't have Tide Pods. Right. Where do you put them? In the slot? No, no, no. You just tuck them in. Just open the some. Yes. We had those because last time I went, they didn't have Tide Pods. Right. Where do you put them? In the slot? No, no, no. You just tuck them in. Just open the door. Does anything go in the slot?

No, nothing goes in the slot. What if it gets caught in a crevice? What do you mean? What if it travels into a pocket? Yes. No, it dissolves. Say, for example, my jean pocket. Yeah.

The Tide Pod's still in there. How does it escape? It's fine because there's The plastic But it's not plastic It's that corn stuff Plastic It dissolves Are you not an eco-warrior?

No, no, no I'm an eco-warrior In fact, I've Listened to a Malcolm Gladwell podcast And Of course 826 He went to the

826 No, he did mention A Malcolm Gladwell podcast Off air an hour ago I did, yeah Because I've I've done all of them I've listened to all seven seasons Of Leviticus History I finished all seven seasons I guess you could say I'm a bit of a Malcolm Gladwell podcast off air an hour ago. I did, yeah. Because I've done all of them. I've listened to all seven seasons

of Leviticus history. I finished all seven seasons. I guess you could say I'm a bit of a Malcolm Gladwell glutton. He went to the Tide Pod factory and they said environmentally it's the best one because the stuff,

and it comes in a box. It's a box and then the Tide Pods and then there's no plastic. The stuff dissolves. Right, okay. It's that corny. It's a wizardry. If I buy these and I put on my pants and there's still a Tide Pod in there.

That breaks down. It'll be the laughing stock. It'll be the laughing stock. It breaks down. It breaks down. It wouldn't happen. So box of Tide Pods, giant turkey, huge Tabasco sauce. Because why not?

You're there, right? The boy loves. The boy loves his hot sauce. Yeah. But anyway, when I was lining up to go in, because I was like, I'm getting a few things, I'm going to need a trolley. I haven't had a trolley in there before. Right.

I've just gone in hands before. Okay. Or kids and been like, hold this. Yeah. We're not getting a bloody trolley. Or buy all this shit we don't need and we take a bloody trolley in there. I've had a trolley there, huge.

Huge trolley. Huge. I could sit, when I grabbed it and I turned around and I caught myself, I looked like, you know how they made things big to make the Elijah Wood look bigger and smaller than the Hobbit? Yes. I looked like a Hobbit. Yeah. Pushing the trolley, they're so big.

Yeah. And then when I was going in, there was a little bit of a line because they check your card on the way in. And I don't know what took me, but I was like, this is so big, it feels like a car. So I started going. Mate, trolley's a rotary for some reason. Are you on your own while you're doing this? Completely. Now the woman beside me, she looks shitty already.

I don't know. Maybe she's having a bad day. I don't want to judge what's going on in her life, but she doesn't look happy. And I look. She's probably got a period. She's probably got a period. I'm just saying she's probably got a period

she wouldn't have a period she had her son there I think it's just Christmas and she might be stressed she might be shouldering the entire load of the Christmas stress and her husband's

not doing anything to help which is terrible especially when it happens unlike you who's at Costco buying a giant turkey a giant turkey and

might I say ripping out a pretty good rotang sound. Yeah. So I'm a... And this kid's looking at me with a smile on his face.

So I'm like, oh, an audience. God, he loves an audience. Just what a middle child needs. And his mum looks at me and she's not happy and she said, don't be like that

when you grow up. So I was like, beg a pardon? Beg a pardon? Beg a pardon? I didn't think she was that much older than me, to be honest. Yeah. Although I do look extravagantly youthful.

Oh my God. He's just a boy. How old is this child? Why is he smoking? Surely he's not acting. I'm the sexy baby that Taylor Swift sings about in that song. So I'm like, no one tells me not to make car noises with your trolley. So I followed them around Costco when we first went in

because she was going to the food place. It was coincidental that we were following, but I just sat right in behind them. You're such a weirdo. You're so Hamilton. You know when there's a car behind you desperate to get past you and crawling traffic and it's just like give me space, give me space, give me space.

So then I got to a part where I could go around. So I was like here we go part where I could go around. So I was like, here we go. And so I dropped it again. And took off down that road. Got to the corner. Drifting.

Of course, you've got to keep your ribs high up. Tokyo drift. Fully sideways. With a trolley. You've always got to drift around the ice. You've always got to drift. You've got to drift. They don't turn properly. You're in Tokyo Drift. Fully sideways. With a trolley. You've always got to drift around the aisle. You've always got to drift. You've got to drift. They don't turn properly.

You have no choice. I drift from when I turn in to when I exit the U. Like a proper full 180. And then I'm coming back on the aisle to rejoin the main arterial where she's coming. And she sees me and she doesn't look happy. And I'm coming back on the aisle to rejoin the main arterial where she's coming. And she sees me and she doesn't look happy. And I'm like. And just pour it to get in front of her. And I drift it right in front of her.

And then dropped it another gear. Dragged it up. Is that when she said to her son, this is why you don't do drugs? I think I heard, oh, my God. Like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Got my giant turkey, got my giant Tabasco, found the Tide Pods, and then on the way to the checkout, she was coming out of a road.

Yeah. And I was going straight through, so she had to give way, so I gave her a... Slowed down a bit And then we're just like Straight to the chicken Should I have had fun? You can't take the bogan out of Hamilton

Nah, boy Play Zidim's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Fact of the day Day, day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about St. Nicholas. Old St. Nick. Santy Claus.

Jolly old St. Nick. Jolly old St. Nick. Because I'd never really thought about it before, but St. Nick is a saint, and to be a saint you must be canonised, and to be canonised you have to have performed miracles. Yes. Now, when you say miracles, what do you mean a miracle? Like, so who is the most recent saint that we've made?

What is this face you're doing? It's my theologist's contemplation face. Did Mother Teresa become a saint? No, because one of her miracles couldn't be confirmed. And all the others have been. Protested. By science. By science.

By science, David. Oh, my God. So many saints. They've been happening all this time. The latest one was on the 9th of October. What for? Giovanni Battista Scalabrine. I think he performed the miracle of making a lasagna that wasn't full of carbohydrates and cheese.

What's the recipe? Okay, so he's been dead for a long time. Oh, is this a posthumous miracle? This is a posthumous canonisation. Okay. Sainthood. Ooh, yuck. You can go and see his tomb.

I flummoxed you here by asking too much detail about what makes up a saint. The process for a miracle attributed to him spanned from December 94 to June 95. He'd been dead for a long time. But still performing miracles. There's a lot here. I'm a little out of practice. Let's not pick holes into it. Why did he get?

Santa Claus' miracles are as follows. He rescued three girls from being forced into prostitution by dropping a sack of gold coins through the window of their house each night for three nights under the rose so the father could pay a dowry for each of them to marry into a rich family and not have to be prostitutes. Why? They don't tell you that at Westfields when you're lining up, do they?

I didn't know that Santa was doing that. He did that. I get like socks and sort of lollies and shit. Yeah, but have you been like destitute to the point where your father was going to have to sell you? Maybe once or twice during drama school. He might have popped through the window with some gold coins. Wow. He also calmed a storm at sea.

Okay. Saving three innocent soldiers from a wrongful execution and he chopped down a tree possessed by a demon. Ah. Yeah, okay. And then now, of course, he delivers presents. Yes. Fantastic. Have you applied for a sainthood

because you chopped down that sort of demonic looking tree in my backyard? Yes, it was very demonic, wasn't it? It was very demonic. At that one stage when I was chain-stirring it and took my eye off for a moment, it tried to swipe me from the ladder. It truly did. And you also chopped down that tree on public land that time. Yes.

It was obstructing my view of the beach. Correct. Where do we register these miracles? I just guessed with the Pope. The council? Oh. They might have something to say about it. We'll keep that out of it.

They don't deal with tree miracles? Well, they weren't taking care of that demon, were they? No. Now, I splashed it with holy water, aka Roundup, but that didn't about it. Keep those things out. They don't deal with tree miracles? Well, they weren't taking care of that demon, were they? No. No, I splashed it with holy water, aka Roundup, but that didn't kill it. It was a very strong demon tree. Do we email Wayne Brown? Yeah. Yes.

Let him know what I've done. All right. Not specifics. Wayne, do you think it would be wayne.brown at aucklandcouncil.gov? I reckon that's a good guess. Or it would be waynebrown at aucklandcouncil.gov? Wayne.brown. Yeah.

wayne.brown at auckland.gov.nz. Yeah. That would be my guess. Okay. Or just mayor at auckland.com. Dot com. Dot com. Sure.

That'll work. So today's fact of the day is old St. Nick, he's performed a few miracles. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Audio scientists. Is that a thing? No, I just made it up. Okay. Sounded right then, didn't it? Yeah, did my own research. I'm with you. Audio scientists. Is that a thing? No, I just made it up. Okay. Sounded right then, didn't it?

Yeah. Did my own research. I'm with you. Audiologists. Oh, no, it's not audiologists because those are people who look after the active hearing. This is scientists studied

what sounds make a good Christmas song. I love a Christmas carol. Now, you know I love a Christmas carol. So there are 11 sounds and we thought maybe now we'd mash these all together I love a Christmas carol. Now, you know I love a Christmas carol. So there are 11 sounds, and we thought maybe now we'd mash these all together and maybe use your acting degree with some impromptu singing for our very own Christmas carol.

Hope Linda's not listening because she hates my singing. I wasn't going to bring it up. You weren't going to bring it up. Let it go. You're never going to please everyone. Okay. Yes, okay, we can chuck some, we can build a song and get to that point. So Vaughan, what have the scientists said?

What sounds? 11 sounds of Christmas. Okay. One. Lute. Lute. What's lute? Guitar.

It's a very old, like, Shakespearean time guitar. Yeah. Okay. A popular instrument for D&D characters. Thought I'd get a mention in there. Merry Christmas to all of my fellow D&D players. P. Okay. A popular instrument for D&D characters. Thought I'd get a mention in there. Merry Christmas to all of my fellow D&D players. Piss off. There you go.

You know what? You can actually just piss off. The bards around the world will be rejoicing and hearing the lute on commercial pop radio. Next, the choir. That classic Christmas. Oh, yeah. Then that's Christmas.

Now, do you combine lute and choir? Give them a combine. Okay, oh, it's not horrible. It's feeling quite churchy Christmas. I'm going to just drop the lute to the back of the room. You're a DJ. You mix as you please, Bert. Well, I was, as mentioned before, the DJ for Lincoln Park.

You were. Now, if you drop the lute to the back of the room, maybe to the front of the room can come the snare drum. Yes. Very pa-da-pa-pum-pum. Snoopy's Christmas. Little drummer boy. Just have the choir on going at the back.

Okay, now, what else do we have, Vaughan? Let's have some chimes. Oh, I see now it's twinkly, twinkly, sparkles, stars and snowflakes. Do you want the twinkles all the time or just sometimes? Just every now and then. I'll sprinkle the chimes. Sprinkle the chimes, DJ. Give me some Celesta.

Flight 970. Hello, shoppers. You've left your lights on, you silly buggers. Kia ora, this is Air New Zealand. Hand bells. Yep, more bells. More bells. Sleigh bells.

Sleigh bells. Oh, there it is. It's building. That's a classic. That's a good bell. What else? Carillon. It's all sounding a bit much at once.

No, no. I'm loving it, DJ. An organ. Okay, kill everything apart from the choir and the organ. Might be some chimes. Might be some chimes in there. Do you know what this reminds me of? I'm going to tell Kevin about the real meaning of Christmas. Yes!

It's not all about birds. It's about friendship. What's an ute piano? It's out of tune pianos. Oh, it's in the wrong key, isn't it? Yeah, that's the out of tune part. This is more like... Okay, give me out of? Yeah, that's the out of tune part. This is more like... Okay, give me out of tune.

Kill everything apart from out of tune pianos. Yep. And sleigh bells. It's a little jazzy Christmas time. Hit me with a little piccolo trumpet. Oh! I might sprinkle in some chimes. Sprinkle up the chimes.

Not at the expense of the trumpet. Oh, okay, there you go. There we go, back to the trumpet. Can we get a little everything all at once full volume? This is that. Okay, it's like I'm at the mall, and the mall's playing one Christmas song, and I'm outside.

Cotton On. Cotton On, which has loud music, and the shop's playing one Christmas song and I'm outside Cotton On, which has loud music and the shop next to it, which also has Foot Locker, which has loud music and I'm getting a lot all at once. Yeah. Which is giving me nothing. That's nice. That's lovely, isn't it? It's quite sweet and nice.

It's undeniably Christmas. Can you work with that, Hayley? Okay, wait. Okay, you build the track. Okay. I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very Merry Christmas by singing you one of my favourite songs. Christmas time is here.

Christmas time is cheerful. Cut the piano. Santa's on his way. It's hard to find a key when they're all in different keys, isn't it? You're just popping them off too. Chester Bedingfield would not have put up with this at your time at Linkin Park. Oh, he yelled at me so much. Do you want something that you're a bit more used to?

Yeah. Christmas time! Okay, I think that was a nightmare. Yeah. But... Well, that sounds that was a nightmare. Yep. But, but... Well, that sounds good. Undeniably Christmas. Sounds like a Christmas funeral song.

In Mexico. It's Christmas in a tavern in a far-off, elvish land of Guadalajara. Now, last show of the year, and over the last week or so, the Christmas orphans have been hanging around. Love or hate them, and many people do hate them. It's absurd to hate. Who can hate? They hate Christmas orphans.

I hate that children be their orphans. Their parents have slipped away, left these poor kids behind, and all they wanted was for Santa to find them at the orphanage. Yes. And all they really wanted was a mummy and daddy. Okay, well, this puts an end to the Christmas orphans because the Christmas orphans are here in studio and I've got some great news for you.

Come up to the mic. If you bring up the Christmas orphans. Hello. Hello, Mr Fletcher. Hello. Hello, Mr Fletcher. I would like to say, first of all, Mr Fletcher, thank you very much for having us in your lovely home this week.

Thank you. We even got our faces wiped and cleaned for you. Oh, yeah. And you didn't even make us scurry up your chimney to clean it. Which is a nice change. Life is good sometimes. And did you like the Christmas song I played at 8 o'clock? Yes, thank you, Mr Fletcher.

It was a bit chaotic. The jury's out on George Michael from Mr Fletcher. Is it? Is it Christmas or what? R.I.P., of courseletcher. Is it? Is it Kristen's fault? RIP, of course. RIP, of course. Much like our parents. Yeah.

They're no longer with us. So great news. They died in a terrible fire. Yeah, fire at a sea world. Sea parrots. They died along with thousands of orcas. Yes, right. RIP.

Well, great news. If you'd asked the question, how do you die in a fire at seaport? Yes. Okay, I've got great news for you. Mr. Fletcher, but you used to get terrible news. No, terrible news for the listeners because they won't be hearing you next

year. Are we getting killed like our parents at SeaWorld? You're not, no. Because I've found a home for you. Mr Fletcher! I know, a lovely couple join us now and they're going to adopt you and take you away from the radio station so people can't hear you next year. Oh, I mean, that's a shame for them, but I'm very happy to have a mother and a father again.

I'd like to welcome in the Winklemans. Good morning to the Winklemans. This is June and Murray Winkleman. June and Murray. They are from Napier, and they were Harcourt's top ten sellers in 2013. They're real estate agents. Oh, my gosh, before the boom. Before the boom.

Before the boom. When you actually had to work your ass off at an open home, Mr. Fletcher. Yeah, you didn't just get an easy sale. No. Oh, my gosh, they must be such hard workers. They are. I'd imagine next year will be a boomy year for them. Now, they haven't been able to have their own children. And so they have been...

Does she have an inhospitable womb? I don't know, I haven't asked. Is it him? Is the swimmer's lazy? It may be him. Mr Fletcher. But they have passed the agency's vetting checks. Oh, that's great. Just out of interest, how many questions in the vetting process was the flat check?

Four. Four questions. Four doesn't seem enough to be handing children over to real estate agents. I want to meet my new mummy. Well, here you go. Good morning to the Winklemans. Hello, love.

Oh, she sounds like a Christmas angel. She said love. She did. She loves you already. I haven't felt love like that since my mother perished at SeaWorld. And who are you, Daddy? You get out with Murray.

Murray! What a great dad's name. Okay, so now if you could leave and never come back. Wait, where are we going? Do we live in a castle? You live in Napier now. I believe it's described as a townhouse. I love a townhouse.

It's the modern day castle, wasn't it? It is. Was it built by Fletcher Construction? Yeah, as a matter of fact, yes, I believe it was. A lot of jib. It must be quality then. You're lucky you got it done before the shortage in building supplies, Mr Winkleman. Winkleman, how do you know about the shortage supplies being an orphan?

We keep up with the news. Yeah, we keep up with the news. We keep up with the news, but also we were put to work on a building site for another construction company. Were you? They don't want their names said on the radio because they was breaking labour laws, weren't they? GJ Gardners.

Mummy and Daddy, what are we going to eat on Christmas? Because we've been starving for years since our parents perished. At SeaWorld, apparently. Can we get McDonald's on the way to your house? Absolutely not. I knew you'd wait. You said not. No, because...

Excuse me, the Winklemans, they are the show's sponsor. So I'll ask you again, Mr. Winkleman. No, because we'll be going to McCafe. Yes, yes. Is that where. No, because we'll be going to McCafe. Yes, thank you. Yes, yes. Right. Is that where they have muffins? Yep. I've heard of these muffins.

There are muffins. I like little cakes too. I like little cakes. All right, well. This is such a Christmas miracle. Mr. Fletcher. Thank you. I can't thank you enough.

I'm going to miss you. Shall we thank him with a little song, brother? Yes, we shall. Shall we sing that Christmas song that we were just singing all the way here? Sleigh bells are twinkle stars. That's lovely. Go to your new home. Lovely twilight of the year.

Goodbye, New Zealand. We're not finished. There's another part. You are finished, Sheila Christmas time is special every time Bye Bye, New Zealand Bye, New Zealand Bye, Mr Fletcher

Forever, bye forever We'll miss you, Mr Fletcher I don't know about forever Bye forever Mother and Daddy, can we come back next year on school holidays and stay with our favourite man, Mr Fletcher? No, no. Of course.

No, he's away. He's away. Pop us on a plane with one of the Amman Company mime-ers. Open the badges. Well, congratulations to you, podcast listeners. You've reached the end. So I would assume if you've listened all this way through, you're either asleep, in which case, wake up!

Or you enjoyed it. So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work.