ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 23rd February 2023

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Dr Perks  Hayley at the Liquor Store  Anine Bing  What did your Parents find?  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!Hayley was Offended  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Drive through and get a cup of barista-made McCafe coffee on the go. Well, I finally purchased from Sheen. Shine? Sheen. Sheen.

Sheen. What the hell are you doing shopping on Sheen? Well, I just thought to myself, my undies have got too many crotches. So I've purchased some. Oh my God, stop buying cheap undies. No, I'm not buying undies. I don't buy cheap undies. Yeah, Aaron likes cheap undies.

I buy the jockey briefs. I buy the jockey boxes brief things. I don't buy cheap undies. I buy the boxes. I thought you were going to get the undies where you tuck your balls in the front. I do want a pair of the ball tucking undies. I keep getting advertised though. I do want to try the ball tucking undies. I don you were going to get the undies where you tuck your balls in the front. I do want a pair of the ball tuckie undies. I keep getting advertised though. I do want to try the ball tuckie undies.

I don't feel that would be comfortable. Everybody raves about it. No, I can't say that's comfortable. I have purchased, because I saw this, somebody who works in civil works, in the civil works. In roading.

In roading. In roading and construction. In construction. And everything that falls under civil. Said they went to a work morning tea. Yeah. And they're like, are these not the best spoons you've ever seen in your life? Wait, so I'm just on Shein, because I've heard of Shein.

S-H-E-I-N. Shein. But I thought it was just clothing. No, I did too. I did too. Ah, right. Huh? So they sent me, I said, these spoons are like the best spoons I've ever seen.

And they said, I can send you a link. And I said, that sounds fantastic. And they sent me a link. And eight spoons, eight of these spoons, $6.95. What kind of spoons are these? Why are they so cheap? They're spoons that look like little shovels. Oh, for God's sake.

They're spoons that look like little shovels. They look like little shovels. Oh, for God's sake. The spoons that look like little shovels. They look like little shovels. Imagine eating a cake with a shovel. And I'm eating my pud. And I'm eating my pud with a little shovel. Would you go spade or shovel? I'd go for one of the spades. I would go.

The spade looks great cake. You're talking the square mouse shovel there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For like scooping and when you're doing like moving something, but then that one's more of your digging. Yeah. I would keep this for the end of the...

Is your wife, shall I, going to let you put those in the cutlery drawer? I don't think so. I'm just going to put them in the cutlery drawer. Oh, no, don't. So we've got a set of handmade... We watched this guy make the first three forks when we were in Thailand and he's like, come back later. And we came back later and he'd done the whole set.

Forks, knives, spoons, soup spoons. And we assumed somewhere in there were teaspoons, but we've never had the matching teaspoons. It drives me fucking crazy. Every time I open the cutlery drawer and we've got all the matching, we've even got some serving spoons. But the teaspoons aren't, they're at odds with the rest of the set. Right.

Wait, you had a man In Thailand Make you cutlery Yeah He was at a market And I was just like Holy shit And I stopped

I love I love Anything to do with Metal and heat Yeah Blacksmithing Forging Casting

Like when people Cast things out of Liquid metal Yeah I love it You love branding Horse branding I'm a huge fan of branding animals.

Searing my name into the flesh of another living being. So I stopped and watched them for a while and Shardo's like, should we get a set? I was like, that'd be awesome. You're absolutely playing weight roulette with your chicken baggage. Oh yeah, she was pretty weighty. And then the next time we went back to

Thailand, we went to the same spot. I couldn't find him. He's dead. But people were selling his cutlery. Oh. So I don't know if he'd moved off site or whatever, but he wasn't doing custom orders, but he just had a whole lot of stuff. So that's when we got the matching serving spoons.

Is that why you want to go back to Thailand? But they didn't have teaspoons. Right. So now you're going to get some shovels. They won't go. So I'm going to chuck some square-mouthed shovel. Right. This is cute. This is cute as to chuck some square-mouthed shovel. Right. This is cute.

This is cute as shit spoons. We've used your cutlery. I don't remember being wowed by the cutlery. But we were so distracted by the plates. The chipped plates. On and on with the plates. So I didn't know that they sold other things. Yeah, apparently they do.

Home and pets. I mean, it all looks very cheap. It is. There's no doubt about it. Yeah, this is some fast fashion. Oh, yeah. Shane's fast. It is. There's no doubt about it. This is some fast fashion. Oh, yeah. Shane's fast fashion is disgusting.

It's not good. But I mean, like spoons. How can spoons be bad? Made by little children. Oh, is that why they'd be bad? Okay. Now I'm on board with you. Wow.

Man, this is some junk. All of this other. Who is wearing these clothes? Oh, I know. Though I did see a woman at a petrol station once, and you know how I like to chat to strangers. I went up to her and I said, I love your dress. And it was really cute.

And she's like, thank you so much. She was like, it's Shane. I was like, ooh. Ooh, take it back. And I flicked water at her and I said, shame on you. And you got back in your car with your anine bag. Yeah, and then I rammed her car with my car. Right. I said, don't you care about the planet?

Don't knock it. There might be some nice dresses on there for you. Shall I see if I can find something for me to wear? Well, they've got a curvy range. I sort of need curvy down the bottom and not up the top. Okay, what about two pieces of jumpsuits? I'm long in the body. We'll leave you shopping.

Did you see that woman? And continue with the podcast. I just wrote on the Shocks internet with long torso I've got a long torso Nothing on this I have to buy a special top Let me see if I can find the woman With the long torso

I love those links That are like Trying to click back At the bottom And they get me Every time I'm like It's like what happened To this person

From party of five I'm like I fucking love Party of five And then I know And then you have to Click through eight slides To find out the fucking answer And when you should

Just google Yeah what happened What happened to So and so from party 5 Or what do they look like now Just google what they look like now And not go through The 25 other people

You don't really care about To get them And all the ads in between As well And now I can't find The story of the woman With the long torso Well I've got a very long torso

But I've got styling tips I've got to get special togs So that my Either top or bottom isn't out. You know what I mean? If I cover the boobs, bit of flaps. If I cover the flaps,

bit of naps. I've got to find this woman with this torso. It looks photoshopped. Let it go. It may have been fake. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to ZM's Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Is that...

No, I just got a new car, you know? You got a new car between winning $10.5 million last night. I'm not saying that I did win it. And now? I'm not saying that I did win it. I had a little Botox and I got a new car. did win it. And now. I'm not saying that I did win it. I had a little Botox and I go,

and you can't. That's it. Would you still give us a mil? Remember we said we'd give each other a mil? No, I said I would give you a mil if you checked my ticket using your app.

Because my app, I'm locked out. So we know it's not me. Because you're going to get a ticket on there. It's not me. Is it you? Did you win?

It is me You wouldn't be here I wouldn't be here Bourne would literally resign Really? Yeah, we wouldn't see him tomorrow I'd keep working Never again

We'd never see him again Not even just an out of work friendship We'd have to go to you, wouldn't we? Definitely, definitely But I wouldn't tell you where I was He'd move But I'd't tell you where I was. You'd move. But I'd be in a log cabin.

Yeah. I'd keep working. Entertainment is my passion. Yeah, I'd keep working too. I'd get bored otherwise. Same. And I'd get too big for my own boots, you know? Yeah, you'd need... I'd need to be humbled by some kind of alarm clock.

You need to be humbled by us as well. Yeah, it's good. We'd do a very good job at that. Keep me grounded. Keep me grounded. Oh, she's off home early. Is she in her brand new Audi? Yeah. Good for some. Let's see if we could ever get to the end of Pornhub, you know?

Get to the end of it? But it's like the galaxy it's ever expanding. How many videos are on there? Yeah, that's like saying try to get to the end of YouTube. It would be impossible. There's not enough hours probably left in your life

to get to YouTube. I wouldn't imagine so. No. Or Pornhub. I'm a millionaire. I've got better ways to spend my money than just

at home working through Pornhub. So in 2020, they changed the rules and it went from 13 and a half million videos to just under 3 million. But that was in 2020. So we've had three years to build them back up. 10 million videos in the trash.

In 2019, there were 13 new pornographic videos uploaded per minute Minute Minute Goodness me, I'm going to have to talk about this in church on Sunday That's a lot of kisses That is a lot of kissing Sorry, I'm getting a little bit uncomfortable here Hold on, hold on, hold on

Hold on Flick a bit of holy water on you Can you watch no holy water on you. Can you watch? No holy water on the desk, please, on the buttons. Brother. Brother. Don't talk about your tartes like that. I was just flicking a little on your tartes.

Don't pour water on my tartes. Are you trying to bless me? Speaking Latin, blessing the holy water, and removing all of your sins. All right, well, if you've won that 10 million in Lotto, please remember your old friends Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Yeah. Please. I don't think the $3,500 Land Rover I just saw on Trade Me and assumably $20,000 to get it back on the road is too much to ask.

I don't think. Well, you didn't and a mini tractor. You'd like a mini tractor. A little tractor. A little tractor. I suppose if I'm thinking practically I've got to go a little tractor above another Land Rover a mini tractor. A little tractor. A little tractor. I suppose if I'm thinking practically,

I've got to go a little tractor above another Land Rover, but I do want one of those. Well, just keep buying your little tickets. It's like $10 million would be great. Yeah. All those silly little things I want to buy, I would buy them. Coming up on the show, silly little poll,

can you drive a manual car? Because, you know, now a lot, it's very hard to even get a manual car. So people just aren't learning to drive in them. So so many people aren't able to. My free hand is for burgers. Burgers and nugs. And nuggies.

I had nuggies in the car yesterday. Yum. All right, well, silly little poll coming up. And speaking of fast food, there's been a study done. How quick do you expect your meal to be made? Now, I'll order and then the waiter will leave and I'll be like, where's my food? Yeah. For God's sake.

Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Well, some study, some studying, some research has been done into people that eat at fast food restaurants, diners. That's me. And how quickly they- Dine that eat at fast food restaurants, diners. That's me. And how quickly they... Dine in at a fast food restaurant. I'm always dine in.

No, I'm always drive through. You dine in. I haven't sat in a fast food restaurant for years. Let's do this as a silly little poll. Dine in or take away? Because especially if you're driving... Always drive through. No, I dine in.

That's the whole experience. I'm not driving with a burger. I'm not driving with a burger. You're all I dine in. That's the whole experience. I'm not driving with a burger. I'm not driving with a burger. You're all eating in the car. Yum, yum, yum. Have a bite of this. Always eating in the car. Yeah.

Yeah, that's why your car smells so... It smells so... It's a rinky-dink. It's a stinky-dink. It's a stinky-dink. It's a stinky-dink. Well, according to data, most people,

27% of people want their food if they're at a fast food restaurant in two to three minutes. That's fast food, isn't it? Yeah, that's their expected time. 42%, five minutes should be the maximum time you're waiting for your combo or whatever you've ordered. 7% said fast means immediate, and they don't think there should be any waiting at all. Yeah, but they're going to make the food because then they'll complain that the food's like, oh, it's been sitting here.

I'm the same. I don't want the chips places that leave it out. The chips straight out of the deep fryer. Not what makes it fresh. They've barely hit that little lamped area. Yeah. This is why I go the Filet-O-Fish as well because not a lot of people order it and it does take a little extra time.

Because it's trash. No, because it's beautiful. I had one last night. It was beautiful. But because no one orders it, they're always like, oh, okay. And they sort of put a lot of love into it. Right. So fast casual dining,

and these might be restaurants that are maybe a bit more bougier and not known as fast fast. Fast casual. Yeah. This is like semi-formal known as fast fast. Fast casual. Yeah, this is like semi-formal, formal, casual, smart casual. Black tie, white tie. Cocktail.

They name, this is American, they name places like Chipotle or Five Guys. Oh yeah. Which is more of, more bougie. Burger Wisconsin.

Yeah, those would be those. Burger Fuel. Yeah, those kind of places. There's a bit more leeway for a wait. They're saying up to 15 minutes for their order is what they would expect. Yeah. With maximum wait times between 5 to 10.

Some of our Mexican restaurants, I suppose, take a little bit longer. Yeah, something like that. God, we're so impatient. I think this whenever I'm trying to see something on my phone, and I'll go like this, and I'll open it, and then it's like, it takes one second. I'm trying to see something on my phone and I'll go like this and I'll open it and then it's like, it takes one second. I'm like, come on. And it's like, I can't even give this two more seconds to just load.

And you forget what it was like with dial-up or like really slow internet of the 2000s. We just get so accustomed to it. Fast food now, it's so clever the way that they do it, the way that it's all kind of, you know, the way they construct it. That's what we're used to now. Now we just, it's so clever the way that they do it, the way that it's all kind of the way they construct it. That's what we're used to now. Now we just demand faster, faster, faster. They're not magicians. And people start yelling

at people. They're not magicians. Well, we don't know that either. They might be. It could be part time. Well, they all have signs up now, don't they? Be nice to our staff. Would you rather that the drive-thru took a little longer but they were guaranteed to get your order correct or roll the dice every time. Chuck in, yeah, just chuck it in the bag.

They always get it right. You always check. We've got a local, I won't say what. It's not the show sponsor, I'll tell you that much. Okay, good. And you know, I'm stretched to have to eat at this other place because, of course, the show's sponsored. But we don't have one near where we live.

We don't. We don't. So this other place, and last, no, two nights ago, we went through there and the girls were getting something and they got the order wrong and I went, and I turned to Sade and I said, have we ever been through this drive-thru where there hasn't been an issue?

Right. And she's like, yes, I'm sure we have. I was like, name one time. And it just never happens. Because of the pressure, the pressure for speed, not accuracy. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Just take your time a little bit. But then there's a fine balance.

We've worked in a couple of drive-thrus. There's a bit of a radio joke thing, haven't we? It's hard. Yeah. Yeah. Put the headsets on. I always... I don't think it was hard.

I was given freebies. I was given freebies. People love it. I always think this. I'd give an extra nuggy. You're not allowed to do that. Cut the nug. If you have ever been on the receiving end

of a six pack of nuggies and there's seven in it... You're going back. It's Christmas. That's a good day. You're going back. That you're returning in the hopes that you'll get that again.

100%. All right. Good marketing. Play ZM returning in the hopes that you'll get that again. 100%. All right. Good marketing. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. So, S Club's even right. They're back on tour, aren't they? They're doing like a full reunion tour thing. Was it only just last week we spoke about this?

Yeah. They've been back a bit in the news because one of them was a bit down and out. Displaced from her home. Hannah. Hannah. Hannah, Hannah. Hannah, Hannah, Hannah. And then they announced they were doing this reunion tour, all seven of them. Get down tonight. Come on.

Yeah. Get down tonight. Uh-huh. Come on. Get down tonight. Yes. Anyway, they're so good. The music is, it still holds.

You'd go if they came. I would yep we all will I'll put it out there anyway so then because remember S Club 7

became S Club 5 then they became S Club because it was like whoever's free at the time yeah then they announced this reunion tour which is all seven of them

touring for the first time since basically the 90s then they announced that they were going to do an intimate 150-person concert. Like a warm-up? Kind of like a warm-up, like a little taster for true fans. Yeah.

So it sold out in minutes. 90 seconds. Okay, wow. 90 seconds this whole thing sold out. 150 tickets. That's how much I'm performing to in the Comedy Festival. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

I'm no one. Yeah. Anyway, so they booked in for S Club 7. Then it was announced that there would only be two of them. Bradley and Tina. Okay. Now, so people were like... Tina was one of my favourites.

No, she was weak. That's your weak. Your weak. Not as weak as Rachel. How dare you? Not as weak as Rachel. Oh, yeah, Rachel was weak. No, Rachel was also another one of my favourites. That's your weak. Your weak. Not as weak as Rachel. How dare you? Not as weak as Rachel. Oh, yeah, Rachel was weak. Rachel was also another one of my favourites.

Because of the looks or the singing? It's the two brunettes. It was the two brunettes. Okay, right, yeah. Anyway. Of course it was. Yes. So then when the fans turn up.

I mean, I couldn't tell where either of them were from. Just the way you like it. Just the way I like it. Just the way you like it. Just the way I like it. Tina, Russia? like it. Just the way you like it. Just the way I like it. Tina, Russia? Who knows? Anyway, so then they were promised down from seven to two,

and they were like, what's happening? Then they turn up, only one of them turns up. Guyana, by the way. The top of South America. Guyana. Yeah, that makes sense. I can see it. That was where Tina's mum was from.

Yeah, that's a bit of you, eh, Guyana? You know what? In between the Tropic of Cancer and the Tropic of Capricorn. Tina's mum was from. Yeah, that's a bit of you, eh, Guyana? A bit of these chefs. You know what? In between the Tropic of Cancer and the Tropic of Capricorn. That's you. Chef's kiss. Because you love bananas. Coffee, bananas, cocaine, and woman with olive complexions.

Yes. So, I don't understand how he would have done this concert. Okay. I feel like you don't understand how he would have done this concert. Okay. I feel like you don't need to. Yeah. So he's the only one that turned up. Bradley. Wait, so do they get their money back, these people?

No. And then they just went to the Facebook page and were like, oh my God, what a letdown. Especially Bradley. Like, he didn't even really sing. But did he sing? Did he do songs? I don't know.

That's embarrassing. They said they felt so bad for him. Oh my God, how embarrassing. Absolutely raging, someone said. Paid good money to see them. And only one of them showed up. Oh, that's embarrassing. Oh my God, no. So wait, why did they promise all seven and then it got down to one?

Now, listen to this. The bar where this event was being held later responded to the outrage and explained to fans that while they had initially wanted both of them to perform, only one member was allowed to take the stage as per the band's contract obligations following their newly announced

reunion tour. So I'm wondering if this is not connected to the tour at all. Right. You know, and now book them as a sort of gig. Keep it looping. Keep it looping. Keep it looping. Anyway. Bradley and I are the same age.

Really? Bradley from S Club 7. Are you getting up on a stage and performing at your age? No, no. The knees wouldn't handle it. The knees wouldn't handle the. The knees wouldn't handle the big step up onto a stage. If there was a slight incline,

maybe a set of stairs, I'm up there. But if it was one big step, the knees wouldn't like it. You would... Play it. CDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley

Silly little pole Silly little pole It is so silly, silly, silly That the silly little pole Silly Little Pole today. Can you drive Emmanuel? Can you drive Emmanuel? My grandmother could only drive Emmanuel. She was scared of automatics. I said, but it's the same premise but far easier.

And she said, nope. Really? Yeah. She loved the little manual. Little manual car. Do you remember the first time you drove an automatic after only ever driving manuals? Weird.

It was weird, eh? And I kept forgetting to put it back into park. You just turn it off and the car wouldn't start and you'd be like, well, it's broken. And then you'd be like, I kept forgetting to put it back into park. You just turn it off and the car wouldn't start and you'd be like, well, it's broken. And then you'd be like, I've got to put it up into park. Yeah, and now when you drive a manual, you get to an intersection and it goes... And you're like, oh, that's where I put the clutch in.

I've got to clutch up. 67% of people said yes, of course. 33%, one third of respondents said no. I suppose, like, what do you need it for, you know? What do you need? Like car enthusiasts like it. Fat skids. Yeah, fat skids.

Fat skids. Yeah. Yeah, fat skids, that's all. That's about it, yeah. Dropping a fat skid, laying a fat track. Is your rinky, stinky dinker automatic? It's automatic, yeah. It's pretty flash.

Pretty flash. It's got that thing where you stop at the lights and it turns itself off. I hate that. And then you move your foot. I hate that. You move your foot ever so slightly and it goes. I hate it. How is that saving petrol?

Yeah, because doesn't it need more when you start back up? When it starts up again. I feel like if I'm only stopping momentarily. And if you're in like standstill traffic on the motorway. It's awful. I turn it off.

It's like part of my routine of like get in, lock the door, turn that off. Turn on ZM and turn it up loud. No, I'm more of a... Jamie, company girl,

reply, company girl. Jamie replied saying there's no other way to drive, baby. Oh, okay. That's Jamie. That is J-A-Y-M-E-E. That's spelt wrong.

I've misspelt that. It's a female spelling of Jamie. Yeah. Okay, but loves Emmanuel. Loves Emmanuel. Do they live in a big city though? Because I feel like. Yeah, exactly.

Just stop and start all the time. You only need to be driving around a city. Do you want me to investigate what I can see? Well, don't message female Jamie saying, Hey, Jamie, where do you live? So you don't want to live in a big city, do you? Yeah. Especially in bare feet.

Manuals get very taxing. Oh, they do. I love chucking off your shoes and going bare feet. Yeah, same. There is something cool about it. Lana says, no, because the one and only time I drove a manual I almost took out a house. Safe to

say no one would teach me after that. So she's in an automatic. She's automatic for life. I'm very proud, says Dan. I'm very proud as a gay who's as camp as a row of tents being not only able to drive a manual, but also four-wheel driving in a manual.

Hashtag totes mask. Yeah, big mask. Yeah, right. Big mask energy there. Big mask energy. You should be proud of that. Happy Pride Month. That's Dan going up the sand dunes.

People get into that four-wheel driving and they've got their winches. Yeah, dirt. Winch themselves out of places. I've done a little wee bit. It's fun. It's like, I shouldn't be driving here. That's kind of what you're thinking most of the time. I don't want to get stuck in the mud.

Yeah, same. Oh, and then you've got to wash, yeah, four-wheel drive. Oh, you're always going to give it a good wash afterwards. Get mud caked on the bottom. You're going to be bothered. Lisa said, I've just got my learner's license. My parents sold the manual the next week. Oh, I had just got my learner's license and my parents sold the manual the next week.

So she's never learned to drive. Right. Okay. Dad always used to say, you don't want to get caught out not knowing how to drive a car to safety. Which made me believe that getting stuck in the middle of nowhere with only a manual car would be a common occurrence that hasn't yet happened. Touch wood. Good advice from Dad, though. Yeah, you do. Because I remember, yes, having a job, and it was a column gear manual. Oh, my God, then it works.

A column gear manual. It was on a van. It was a van. But because you drive the manual, it was like a little bit of getting used to. But it's still good to know. I had to drive one of those. It was like a 70s car in a show I filmed, and I had a kid in the

back, and they had a camera mount on the front, and this poor kid had to watch me be like, I was in a manual, like, because it had a bench seat, so you couldn't have the gear stick down on the ground. Yeah. Wow. It was so bizarre. Poor kid. Scarred for life. Ah, Suzanne says I'd much rather drive a manual than an automatic. It

actually feels like you're driving. Yeah, good on you, Sue. Yeah, that's real driving. Yeah, bloody good on you, Sue. See you at Bathhurst, Sue. Yeah. Josh says can't drive an automatic either. It's never too late. It's a bit no for Josh. According to my

license, yes, I can drive a manual, but I haven't driven one for 10 years and the thought of it scares me, so also no. And Ashley says, well, I really thought I'd be in the majority for this. My ex made me cry while teaching me to drive a manual, so I never got back in a manual. That is stressful to start, isn't it?

Yeah. So you've got to go find a nice big car park after the shop's shut without heaps of those little juts in it. Yep. And that's where you learn to drive your manual. And that's also where you can go back later when you know how to drive a manual and drop a fat skid. Big doughy.

Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch Vortinelli. Play ZM. What happened? I just moved the microphone and it just landed right on my little fingernail. What happened? Moved the microphone and it just landed right on my little fingernail. The heavy weight at the bottom. The reaction was too much for that.

Yeah. It took me by surprise. No, that was a reaction of seeing a snake or something. That wasn't a reaction of hurting your tiny little finger. I said, ow! Okay. Are you all right? Do you need to go see the nurse? I know what I said, ow! Okay. Are you all right? Do you need to go see the nurse?

I know what I want, but I'm not okay. Do you need to go to the sick bay? I want to go home. Can I go home? It's like when you're a kid and you weren't upset about anything and then you saw the blood and you were like, or you weren't hurt and then you look up and someone's like, like looking at you like you should be hurt. And you're like, maybe I am hurt.

Now there is a dating coach from the UK, a big TikTok guy. Okay. Almost a million followers listen to this guy, Jacob Lucas, who is apparently a professional UK dating coach. Okay. However, he has shared the three things he says will make men commit in relationships with women. Right. And people are like, dude, what's your qualification? After he did this.

He's one of those people that's like, listen to me, I know. So here are the three things, and I'll see what you think of them. Okay. The first thing he says, number one, make him emotionally invest in you before you start a physical relationship with him. So basically don't sleep with him. Is that a valid point? Don't sleep with him before you know them.

But do if you want. Yeah. But do if you want. But do if you want. We're allowed to do whatever you want. It's a fun way to get to know someone, isn't it? Hell yeah. Because what was the, you know what was for years, you've got to go on three dates. Yes if you want. We're allowed to do whatever you want. It's a fun way to get to know someone, isn't it? Hell yeah. Because what was, you know, it was for years, you've got to go on three dates.

Yes, three dates. And don't text him back for 12.5 hours. Oh my God, I know. Do you. And do him. You know what I mean? And let him do you. And let him do you.

And that's like, that's all okay. In fact, make sure he does you first. Yeah. You don't want him doing you and then you don't get done. Yeah. Who's getting done? Yeah. And then you've got to kind of, and then he's like,

and then you've got to do you. Yeah, and you've got to do you somewhere else. And coming from a guy that's tried to do you but ended up just doing himself. Yeah. I'm sorry, this has never happened to me before. You've got to make sure you get done. Yeah.

Get done. Get done. Anyway, so that's his first one. It's like, okay, I mean, I see where you're coming from. Da-da-da-da-da. You know, where they want to get a sense of your personality. If you want it to be a long-lasting da-da-da-da-da, have sex. Anyway, his second point is, number two,

never put in more effort with him than he's putting in with you. Good point. So you're like playing hard to get. But I think you're just back to game playing. Yeah, I hate game playing. I think if you're, I know, but this is early on. If you're keen, show it.

Yeah. Right. I might start a TikTok. But then what if he's not keen? Yeah, that's fine. He'll tell you and then you'll leave and you'll be like, well, it's not like I didn't try. Yeah, right.

Rather than like, I won't text him because he is not texting me. Oh, my God, I hate myself. What's happening? Oh, don't do that. Exactly. He said if you keep putting in more efforts than he does, he'll start to think he's a little bit extra special and get too comfy and start playing silly games with you because he thinks he can do whatever he wants.

Shut up, Jacob. Now, his last and final, his final point, third and final, is that people should create a sense of urgency and competition when they're starting to date someone. Oh, so sort of like letting them know that you've got options. Well, it's kind of like, you know, like, Lily at Big Save will do a, we've only got our couches on special till Friday. It's like of like, you know, like, Lily at Big Save will do a, we've only got our couches on special till Friday.

It's like, no, you don't. And so you're like, oh, my God, I've got to buy this couch by Friday. But then what if you play it back on Lily and say, I've got other couch options? And then you're both at this, like, standoff. She's like, it's only on till Friday. Well, I've got other options. Well, I could probably send it till Monday.

I could send it till Monday. Even now, you've given me what I want. I'm weak. I've got other options. Well, I could probably extend it to Monday. Huh? I could extend it to Monday. Even now, you've given me what I want. I'm weak. Yeah, weak. You've got the power. The power dynamics back up my head.

But how do you do that when you're dating someone? Do you say, I'm only here till Friday and then I go up in price and you won't get 24 months interest free? That's not a dating setup.

I go up in price. That's a different kind of relationship. You keep your Tinder app on the front page, right? Oh, yeah, right. Let them know that there's options there. Yeah. And, you know, occasionally look at your phone if you get a text and go.

Oh, my God. Let's go on Tinder to see the nicest thing. Oh, my God. Look how cute he is as well. Oh, my gosh. But then that's playing games, isn't it? It's manipulative. That's so bad.

It is so manipulative. But how does he, what does he mean by that then? Well, he said that this is so he needs to think that you have other options and if he does not commit to you and step up,

he'll be replaced. Wow. That's game, that's mind playing. Yeah, that is, yeah. That's playing with your head. That's messing with you. I think these are lame.

I think these are stupid. I think Jacob's stupid. And you say, just go for it. Just do it. Do each other. Get it done. Get it done. Get yourself done.

Text him as much as you want. That's the most important part. And you can text him if you want to be done as well. Like, it's just, there's no rules. Yeah. You should get into this relationship coaching. Follow me on TikTok. Hey, this bro.

But you're just promoting chaos. No rules. That's life. Life is chaos. Chaos is life. Life is chaos. Get done. Play.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. All right, you jerks. Do not speak to us like that, Vaughn. Be nicer. All right. A doctor in the UK has shared his monthly payslip. Yep.

This is his payslip for January. He was working 40-hour weeks after training for nine years of university at Cambridge. Oh, my God, so expensive. And he has a PhD. A FID. Okay. Is he a FID? Now, you can't just get a FID for nothing.

No. He won prizes for research paper into genetics, palliative care, patient safety, studied at, as I said, Cambridge. All go. Yeah. Now, he shared his pay slip, which is after tax, student loan repayments, and insurance, which is part of his pay packet. Yeah. He is left with £1,600 a month, which equates to $3,000 a month after tax.

So what's that, $700, $800 a week or something? Yeah. So all year, $38,000 New Zealand dollars after tax. That's all he's left with. He's a doctor. Rent in London, where he lives, has gone up, and the average rent now costs $1,800 New Zealand dollars a month. Why would you bother?

Yeah, exactly. I do street performing. So they're going on strike because they're like, this is kind of crazy. And he's like, I'm a doctor. Yeah. And I'm not in it for the money, but at the same time, I've got to live. And everything they have to put on.

What did you say? Oh, wait, what happened? You kicked something. The door just fell on me. It just fell on my neck. Before when I banged my finger, it was, you're overreacting. No. Donk.

I didn't go. You pinched your pinky and went. I just went. That whole metal door fell off. That would have gone undetected. Why did a metal door just fall on my knee? Yeah, they fall. The studio's falling apart. Don't throw it!

So if the doctors aren't getting paid much, I've got the top six perks of being a doctor. Okay. If you're a doctor, you listen to the show. We know a doctor, don't we? We know a doctor. We're friends with a doctor. He's Ham you're a doctor, you listen to the show. We know a doctor, don't we? We know a doctor. We're friends with a doctor. He's Hamazine.

That's Hamazine. That's Dr. Shawnee. Hamazine fan number one. He did tell us the other week if you carry on this Hamazine lie, he is going to take legal action. But the problem is he's going to have to prove this.

And I can prove that I'm telling the truth. All we have is two. I've got video and photos of him in a Hamazine. Yeah, I was in that homazine, yeah. Yeah. He loves homazines.

It was a friend's homazine, not his. Yeah, well, I'm just saying. Sorry, that's my friend's homazine. My apologies. His friend paid for the homazine. What does the friend do? No, his friend owns a homazine. A doctor.

There you go. Doctors love homazines. Okay, you're right. They'd probably be able to afford their London-based rent if they all went driving around homazines. The top six perks of being a doctor, if it's not the pain. Number six, people are never there for a good reason. So that's good, right?

Yeah. You're always the first to get the new flu. Cool. Yeah, try it out. That's pretty great. Yeah, yeah. You can be like, oh, yeah, I've had that one. Number five on the list of the top six perks of being a doctor,

if it's not the money, it must be the free swabs, pens, and little writing pads. Have as many as you want. Free swabs? What are you swabbing? Anything. All those big popsicle sticks. Even just thinking about them makes my mouth go funny.

They're so dry. Number four on the top six perks. Anytime you do a COVID test, it's the funniest thing. Oh, my God. Your gag reflex, terrible. Awful. Terrible. Lucky you're straight.

Are you going to speak? Carry on. I'm just going to swallow. Have some water. I might need one in a minute. Number four on the list of the top six books. Get a grip, Vaughan Smith. Do you have to take some water. I might need one in a minute. Number four on the list of the top six. Get a grope, Vaughan Smith. Do you have to take some water?

I can imagine the pipes are going to be like, is it because it's so dry? I think your doctor's going too deep. They always go in the back of the tongue, and I'm always just like. Oh, my God. And number four on the list. I can feel it in my teeth now. Oh, my God.

Stop being a... Top six perks of being a doctor if it's not the pain. Number four on the list. Even when you're on holiday, you're not really on holiday. Aeroplanes. Is there a doctor on board? Yeah. Talking to people about what you do.

Oh, you're a doctor. Can you have a look at this? That's Hayley. You're never really on holiday, so that's pretty cool. Always getting a rash out, aren't you? Yeah, always. Have a look at this. Oh, God. Number three on the list of the top six perks of being a doctor that's Hayley you're never really on holiday so that's pretty cool always getting a rash out aren't you yeah always have a look at this oh god

number three on the list of the top six perks of being a doctor if it's not the pay you can prescribe yourself all the good stuff oh you're a bit of a laughing bag

I don't know if you can zoppy zoppy zoppy zoppy zoppy I'm going to have to sleep all the way through I'm going to sleep all weekend

number two on the list of the top six perks of being a doctor. Being a doctor if it's not the pay. Most people have Googled what's wrong with them before they get there, so they're doing your work for you, so your job's done. Like, easy. Easy. You've got an easy job. Easy as.

Easy. And if they haven't Googled it, you can. Yeah. Easy. And number one on the list of the top six perks of being a doctor, if it's not the pay, having the best gossip about the people in your neighborhood. Oh, my God. I know.

Sue came in, riddled with a clap. Oh, my gosh. The hemorrhoids on this woman. Yeah. Good Lord. I don't think they tell those stories to other people. Don't tell me they're not going home and telling their partner, though. You'd tell your partner

wouldn't you? Absolutely. Oh 100%. And she's got loose lips. She tells her mum. Her mum tells Raglan. And then half of Raglan knows.

Yeah. And they got all the goss. But no hats off. Tip of the hats. Everything to do with the hats. We'll tip our hat but we won't give them money.

Oh God. I certainly don't want to pay any more tax. Oh God. No no no. That means a more robust health system. Oh God. No no no, no. It means a more robust health system. Oh, God.

No, no, no. You'll be the first to win when you're in A&E for four hours, won't you? Sure will be. That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. You would have seen by now Doja Cat at Paris Fashion Week. Was it the Pat McGrath?

Was it the... I can't remember. It was the same show, yes, Pat McGrath, where Kylie Jenner wore a lion's head. You lost me at Fashion Week. What a bunch of. Come back, come back, come back. What a bunch of nonsense.

I'm sure AS Colour does a runway show. Oh, do they? Now we're talking. Now here he is. Great place for your basics. You would be front and centre of an AS Colour. I like that t-shirt. I've got five of them at home.

Oh, here comes a blue one. Do you know what? They're great basics. Great basics. Oh, great basics. You can wash them and they don't go all... Great socks.

Great, so yeah, good. Great socks. You should become an ambassador. Great socks. Both. I bought some comfy socks from there recently. Very comfortable socks.

Great anklet socks. Oh, yeah, okay. Not great on the knickers. Yeah, no, they're too short. I bought a pair of knickers. They could do better on the knickers. They. Not great on the knickers. Yeah, no, they're too short. They could do better on the knickers. They could do better on the knickers. Okay. All right.

There's some feedback for your AS colour. Sort it out. You do better on your knickers. Everything else, she was good. I've been to Pandit and it was a skaparali fashion show. Pat McGrath was the makeup artist for Doja Cat who had a bald cap and was painted red and covered in 30,000 Swarovski crystals.

Do you remember this look? Yeah. It was incredible. And it was dumb. I imagine how uncomfortable that would be. I just think everybody's time could have been better used doing something else. Oh, look, absolutely. But it's fashion, darling.

Look it up. So now people on TikTok are doing it themselves. Like, you know, makeup influencers are doing it themselves and lots of them are finding they can't get it up. So now people on TikTok are doing it themselves. Like, you know, makeup influencers are doing it themselves and lots of them are finding they can't get it off. Afterwards, like, they put like a latex layer on so they can try to just peel. Oh, what happens when you get to your eyebrows?

Oh my god, it's like ripping all their skin off. It's so bad. Like, here's a photo of an influencer like three hours into trying to get it off. Oh my god, she looks like she's being tortured. Her face is Like, here's a photo of an influencer, like, three hours into trying to get it off. Oh, my God. She looks like she's being tortured. Her face is tortured and she's covered in what looks to be blood. Yeah.

So it keeps getting stuck and people are like, it's taking longer. So this influencer, whose name is Hayley Bailey, she, it took her nine hours to get the look put on. Right. And it's taken almost as long to get it off. Wow. And she's like, it hurt. Yeah. To remove that. It's still semi-permanent.

Yeah. And like afterwards, her skin is so pink because they like painted her skin red to, you know, like cover the base of it. So don't be rushing out to copy this look because people are staying red. Staying a little bit red. For a few days. I used to have this when I was blonde and I'd use purple shampoo and then you'd leave and your hands would be bright. because people are staying red. Staying a little bit red. For a few days. I used to have this when I was blonde and I'd use purple shampoo

and then you'd leave and your hands would be bright purple. You'd be like, how long is this going to last for? Are you sure you hadn't tried to take off one of those anti-shotlifting ink tags? Yeah, that sounds like a lovely excuse, doesn't it? Yeah. I've got purple shampoo in my hair.

I've always wanted to open one of those just to see what happens. Yeah. Don't. So I was wondering if we could get some stories of when something was a little bit more permanent than maybe you

anticipated. Oh yeah. Like somebody gets a vivid or some face painting done. Yeah, and it stains. Well, you know how there was that trend for a while, people getting henna and drawing freckles on, and you were only supposed to leave it on for a little bit so that the freckles looked subtle,

and then some people would leave it on for too long and they just had a polka dot face. Oh, terrible. But did it go away eventually? Yeah, henna fades, but it's like a dye. It takes a while. It takes a good while. You have to scrub that thing.

Yeah, or maybe you glued on a wig so it didn't come off and then it didn't come off. Because you used like proper glue. It did exactly what you were hoping it would do, just a little better. You used like builder's glue on it. I don't want the wind blowing it away. All right, well, we want to take your calls.

0800 DALES AT M Text in 9696 What was a bit more Permanent Than you were hoping for Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley We're talking about Essentially

What was more permanent Than you thought it would be Because this These make up People Are doing Doja Cat's look From some fashion week show

And they're Being stained They're covering themselves In crystals as well And they can't get them off. They've been stained red for days. Yeah, stained red, ripping these crystals off their skin. We want to know what was more permanent than you wanted it to be, expected it to be. We're told it was going to be.

Some messages in. Somebody said, my dad's new girlfriend. Significantly more permanent than you thought. Wow, she sticks, doesn't she? She's still here. It says in brackets, now fiancé. And then crying face and then that face. And that is from Prince Harry.

Oh, yeah. Camilla's staying, isn't she? My children were far more permanent than expected. Now, I was of the understanding that was a permanent. I never thought that was a temporary arrangement. Yeah, I was expecting like, oh, yeah, I vivided my face or I painted my face. Well, there's a few of those as well. I dressed up as a vampire on Halloween with fake blood coming down my chin

and running down my neck. Stained my skin. Makeup wouldn't cover it. Monday morning I had a work meeting. It was very interesting. Looking like a vampire. Yeah. We were doing a school production and I was the person that moved in the background.

Stage hand. Leaves or trees. No, no, no, no, no. All black. Oh, yeah, the stage hands. Yeah. And so on the- Do you talk to them? They wish. Can they talk? Can they? No, no, the stagehands. Yeah. And so on the- Do you talk to them?

They wish. Can they talk? Can they? No, no. Stagehands? Silence. I thought they moved silently in silence and you never saw them. So one night somebody in the crowd said they saw me moving back there,

so I painted my face black. Uh-oh. Oh, no, no, no. I didn't come off. We don't do that. We don't do that. You're cancelled. You're cancelled. Sarah, what was more permanent than you thought it would

be? I was doing a face mask and my two-year-old daughter really wanted to join so I put a couple of drops of food colouring in her moisturiser. It would be okay and it took a week for her yellow, jaundiced

skin. You dyed your daughter's face. Yeah. Well, I didn't want to put any chemicals on, and I thought a food coloring would be a good idea, and it wasn't. Oh, babe. Wow. Jaundice?

And did she go to school with the teachers like, are you okay? She went to kindy, and I told them what happened. Yeah. school with the teachers like, are you okay? She went to kindy and I told them what happened. I've got some photos to show her at later moments in her life. A bit of a laugh. Get those out. Good for the 21st. Brilliant, Sarah. Thank you. Who coloured you in? I dressed up as Pikachu for Armageddon when I was

13 years old and I painted my face yellow with the red circles on the cheeks like Pikachu has. The red circles of paint burnt as I allegedly reacted to the type of paint that the red paint was. cheeks like Pikachu has. The red circles of paint burnt as I eulogically reacted to the type of paint that the red paint was. Oh, my God. So for a long, long time after I was Pikachu, I still had Pikachu's cheeks.

I coloured my hair blue in high school. I was waiting with the dye in my hair. I sat on the couch, big blue stain on the couch. Oh, you idiot. Mum was on holiday. Dad was freaking out. Couldn't hair. I sat on the couch, big blue stain on the couch. Oh, you idiot. Mum was on holiday. Dad was freaking out. Couldn't get the stain out of the couch, and the blue hair lasted way longer than crazy hair day.

I've got a tip. Turn the couch cushion over. I did that at an Airbnb with a white cushion when I had, I think it was cheese balls. It would have been cheese balls. It was the yellow stain, and so I just turned the cushion around Voila Voila

Voila Voila Yeah, got away with that. Scotch free. Don't you dare. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan Ailey Play ZM I love my local community I live in one of those places where

That's not, they weren't saying that about you At the latest town meeting Were you there? Well I was cheering it Far out what they say It was called let's run this bitch out of town Jeepers That was the whole meeting

It's a bit rough but Well they, you know the people wanted to raise pitchforks and have flaming sticks and I said nah yeah give her a chance yeah guys well yeah Aaron was commenting we were talking to our new builders and they were like

we were saying oh we love it it's so quiet here and then I said you know Aaron we're the noise though like we are the ones who make all the noise. That's why it's quiet to us and no one else. Drunk or renovating. And sometimes drunkenly renovating. No, never. We would never dare.

But yesterday I popped out because I really need to stock up the liquor cabinet. Speaking of being drunk. We've dried it out. Speaking of being drunk. And also we've got new builders now that I don't know what beers they drink, so I wanted to get some ranges of beers and have them in the fridge in the garage

so we can provide at the end of the day. And also we're a bit dry on the liquor. Right. When you give them a beer, are they on the clock? No, at the end. Okay, good. Don't give it to them early because they love to bloody muck around, don't they?

They love to start packing up at 2 o'clock. No, not 5 o'clock. That feels like a half day to me. What are you packing up at 2 o'clock for? Yeah, I know. Start packing up the van. You start packing up when the sun's going down, mate. Oh, I've got a family to get home to.

Save your sob stories for somebody else. It's not done. Keep going. Keep going. Anyway, so I've popped down to the local liquor store. We've got a small little, one of those, what are they called? Fine, fine wine. Delivery.

Fine wine. You know what I mean? Like they're small, quaint, not what the big brand is. Would you say a boutique liquor store? Boutique. Boutique. Okay. And I stocked up.

I got two dozen beers. I got some. What beers did you go for? Aaron goes for the lights. He gets like a light hiney for when he works, like a 2.5 so that he can have a few. He's on the lights. He's on the lights.

And then the new builders wanted a hazy. He's such a big man that wouldn't even touch the sides. No, that's where, yeah, what if you get a 10? Yeah. And then I got vodka, tequila, Cointreau gin, and a bottle of Prosecco. Someone's ready for margaritas. It was International Margarita Day. I know, we completely missed it.

Yesterday we actually missed it, and I didn't even end up making one. Anyway, and then the power went out at the liquor store, and I had all the stuff on the bench, and it was really busy, and everyone was trying to pay for their stuff and people were going out and getting cash and the guy who looked at me because I'm always there and he goes, don't worry about it. Now I was like, well this is going to be hundreds of dollars worth

of the goods and he said, no, they'll just pop by tomorrow. So I left the liquor store with, what would that be? Like $200, $250, $300 worth of alcohol? I was stocking up the cabinet You're stocking it up. You're stocking it up. I was stocking up the cabinet

and I paid for it still. But did he tell you exactly how much it's worth? Yeah, I think he was like writing it down. Right. He didn't write my name on it

or anything like that. What do you think his nickname is for you if he doesn't know your name? White alcoholic. Too vague. White Russian. Too vague.

Too vague. Massive man's wife. Yes. I think that's what he said because he always says like, oh, your husband. Your husband wants the light beers. Okay, right.

Because he's a little... Yeah, he calls him out on it. Yeah. He calls him out on it. Anyway, so I went home and he just trusted me. He trusted you. He just means to. All he's a little... Yeah, he calls him out on it. Yeah. He calls him out on it. Anyway, so I went home and he just trusted me. He trusted you. He has no means to.

All he knows about me, the only thing that this gentleman who owns this store knows about me is that I drink a lot. But he would have had a past transaction from you if he had to find you. Yeah, but can you get my card details from a past transaction? It's very trusting. It's very trusting. Because I went to a place the other day, a cafe, and their EF POS was down, and they said, well, you can either go get cash or here's our bank number.

Bank transfer. And then I showed them the transfer. Yeah. No, none of that. I just took it. Wow. Now I've got to make the decision today whether or not I'm going to go pay it. Now, pie liquor stores at the other end of the scale pop in all the time.

Yeah, just for a look. Yeah. And it's never just a look. It's not. Just say hello to the team. I bought a 12-pack of beers the other day, and it said free bottle opener. I didn't really need the bottle opener.

But then when I got back to the car, I was like, I didn't get my bottle opener. Yeah. So I went back in and I was like, oh, I didn't get my bottle opener. And she's like, hmm, I'm sure I gave you the bottle opener. And I was like, no, I didn't get the bottle opener. And she was like, are you sure I didn't give you the bottle opener?

Like I'm so like, I'll have two bottle openers. Why do you need two bottle openers? I don't need two bottle openers. I didn't even need one bottle opener. But then it became a bone of contention. I was like, no, I didn't. I picked it up. Check the camera.

She's like, did you look under the receipt? I think you feel a bottle opener. I was like, I don't even think I took the receipt. She's like,

that's right, you didn't take the receipt. Did you check in the box because maybe it fell in the, I was just like, give me another bottle opener. I mean, give me a bottle opener.

Ah, damn it, okay. Yeah, well, the ruse is up like, give me another bottle opener. I mean, give me a bottle opener. Ah, port. Damn it, okay. Yeah, well, the ruse is up. I did get my bottle opener. I ended up getting a bottle opener. I will pay my bill, by the way. Play.

ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. You went on air mid-sentence. What bulk, bulk, bulk what? What what? Tripping your list to buy bulk what? Hayley and I were just talking about our next cocktail making night and that next time we need more frozen fruit and I said we need to go to a bulk buy place

and get some cheap mungos. Oh my God, mungos. Because last time I made mango frozen margaritas in Fletch, it was very critical of them. He said I was light on the fruit. I put in half a bag. She was light on the fruit. I wasn't light on the fruit. I put in half a bag. She was light on the fruit. I wasn't light on the fruit.

I put in half a bag. That costs a million dollars now. I know. Yeah. Anyway. You're light on the fruit. Well, booze makes me happy. I think it's famously, I don't think it does make anyone happy, Vaughn.

Well, afterwards. I don't think long term. Well, there's an exception to every rule. A psychologist has revealed the four habits of happy people and none of them are drinking.

Okay. What are they? We can all improve our levels of happiness. One, move your body to the song I Like To Move It Moving.

I'd agree. I'd agree with that, eh? Yeah. When you have a good fitness routine, you feel a bit better. You do feel better. Yeah.

Even when you like drag your sorry ass to the gym, afterwards you're like, oh, thank God. Yeah. But it's, when you don't go

to the gym and exercise, it's that motivation getting to the gym and doing that exercise. Yeah, that's what you gotta do. You gotta just swipe the card and you're in, you're locked.

You gotta do something. We've all been unable to find a car park so driven home. Oh my God, and I only very quickly locked one to be a car park, so driven home. Oh, my God. And I only very quickly locked ones and be like, oh, well, bugger. Or you get there and it's raining and you're like, it's raining. I don't want to get wet.

Yeah. Sit in the car for 10 minutes and then back out and leave. 100%. Or walk up, swipe the card so it beeps you in and then turn around and leave. So at least they're not going to bother you with a, hey, Vaughan, it's Anytime Fitness here. Haven't seen you for a while. I'm just wondering who you are.

Leave me alone! So move your body 30 minutes a day of moderate exercise, which is described as anything that makes you slightly out of breath, but you can still talk. Go for a walk. A nice, brisk walk. Sometimes I see someone with a really good body going for a walk, and I'm like, it just

can't be a walk walk You're doing something else All they're doing is walking And they've got that bod Ridiculous I mean you'd have to be walking for like 25km's a day You'd have to be doing a lot of walking But it's good for your cortisol levels It's good for your stress

If you're stressed you often can pack on the way And especially if you're doing it in nature Like if it's in a forest Beside a river Yeah Happy people are hot people Shiny happy people holding It's in a forest. Happiness. Beside a river. Yeah. Happy people are hot people. Shiny, happy people holding.

Shiny, happy people holding. What are they holding? Hands. Hands. You're the one who doesn't finish sentences around here. Speaking. Bolt buying what? Bolt buying a bag of... Speaking.

Speaking. Of holding hands, the second tip is prioritising connection. Guys, guys, I've got this for you. Okay. Hold me. And they'll make you happy. Is that what they mean? Connection like hugs?

So it's different things to different people, what connection means. Making time to talk, listen, sharing, having fun with friends and family, or, you know, getting that physical connection. Yeah. The touching, the holding hands, the cuddling a loved one. We need to get a couch in the studio so we can have cuddles.

No. I was all for a couch until she said that. Until cuddles. Now I see that there's an ulterior motive. Yeah. She wants a casting couch in here and I won't stand for it. Chop that down. Chop that down. Chop that down. Chop that down.

Chop that down. Chop that down. And she's coming to work at the wax. And there's a black leather couch. Or a leather couch in the corner and Sprouse like. Who's getting jotted down? Me. You're getting jotted down.

You're getting jotted down. You're the one who called a casting couch. You're the one that was trying to lure me onto your casting couch. No, I'm talking about just some innocent friendship calls. I was here for a, I thought I was here for some model shots. And then she's offering us a ride home in the taxi. No, this is not a taxi. This seems to be a fake taxi.

No, this is your classic London black taxi. But I don't have any money to pay. Get in. These cameras are for security, my own security, my safety. Okay, I feel better now. Prioritise connection. Whatever that means to you. All right, I do that and I'm pretty happy.

Number three, practise gratitude. We did this yesterday at the start of the show and I think we had a good show. We said one thing we were grateful for. Let's do it again today. Is this why the show's been a bit flat? Because we didn't practise our gratitude at the start. Okay.

Who wants to go first? Here he goes. He's leading the charge. I appreciate when you make margaritas that are full of fruit. Oh, my God. That's a criticism. He's leading the charge. I appreciate when you make margaritas that are full of fruit. Oh, my God. That's a criticism. That's a criticism. Your gratitude can't be at the expense of somebody else.

That's a gratitude. I appreciate when you make a margarita for me. That's nice. Okay. That's nice. Regardless if it's fruit content. Regardless if it's fruit content. Yeah. nice. Okay. That's nice. Regardless if it's fruit content. Regardless if it's fruit content.

I appreciate that I've got a vehicle that gets me to work. Yes. I'm grateful. Wait, I thought it was gratitude about other people here. No. We had to say a nice thing about each other. No, no, no. It's something that you're grateful for. No, you can just give me that free though. Okay, you can still have that.

I'm grateful that I lasered my legs before this summer. I'm really enjoying just not thinking about it. That's cool. Yeah, good. Just having them out and smooth. These are things to be grateful for. Start a gratitude journal. Okay.

And fill it in at the start of the day. Really kick starts the day. So maybe the front half of my 1B5 could be my gratitude and the back half's my HR complaints about working here. That's pretty good. You could flip it upside down. Yeah, good. And I actually need audio for this last one.

Oh, okay. Yeah, absolutely. This is the fourth tip to being happy. You've got to listen to Happy by Pharrell. I hate this song. Same. I'm only kidding. It wasn't.

Spending time with animals. Oh, yay. That's an easy way. Yeah. We kidding. It wasn't. Spending time with animals. Oh, yay. That's an easy way. Yeah. We all do that every day. Studies have found that family pets provide many benefits towards health and happiness as they not only provide companionship, but reduce incidents of depression and anxiety

while having to boost our happiness and self-esteem moods unless Ralph gets onto the bench and eats your bluey cake. Sebastian. Yeah, your bluey cake. He did, didn't he? He rubbed his little nose in it. We've got a cat that will eat bread and oats. Tear open the bag and eat the bread and the oats.

Carbs, carbs, carbs, carbs, carbs. And we've got a dog that sneaks inside and if there's something sweet on the bench, gets up there and eats that. Yeah, but they fill you with joy. Nah, my paddock animals, my paddock pets fill me with more joy. So do I need to get more cats, do I? More cats.

More cats. More cats. For happiness. And a golden retriever. Yes. I mean, their stupid faces will put a smile on anybody's face because they always look like they're smiling. So do some exercise.

Be grateful. Connect. Connect with people and pet an animal. And animals. There you go. Nice and simple. Stopped in a Mitre 10 on the way home from work. And I got a priority park.

There's lots of those car parks out the front. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always one for me. You like to think there's a priority park. There's always like 10 of them. They're never yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's always one for me. You like to think there's a priority park. There's always one for me. There's always like 10 of them. They never fall. Yeah.

Well, there's always one for me. You go so much. Yeah. He does. That's why they marked me at the VIP park. I got a priority park. I'd parked and I was just walking into the store and a lady was leaving the store, pushing a trolley.

She'd made some purchases. And as she was walking towards me, I was kind of daydreaming, la-di-da, and she covered herself. Oh, pissed. Well, that's what my immediate thought was like. She knows. I was daydreaming and like, la-di-da, but my eyeline, she thought I was staring at her chest. Right.

Because she covered it like, oh, my gosh. As if you would. As if I would. As if you would. Why do I got it at home? Yeah. Exactly. You see what I've got at home? Yeah. As if I would. As if you would. Why do I have to do it at home? Yeah. Exactly. You've seen what I've got at home?

Yeah. I've seen it. You don't need to look at all. I don't need to look anywhere. Yeah. You know the old saying, I can't help to look at the menu, you know, if you've already ordered.

I don't even need a menu. Yeah. Yeah, that's nice. I don't even need, I'd never look. Yeah. Well, why would I need to? I'm a married man. Now it sounds like You're just over

I have overdone it I should have stopped Before the menu thing But anyway She covered herself Like I was looking At her chest Right

And I was like And that made me awkward And so I was like When she was looking at me She's like And then she Uncovered her hands Oh my gosh

As to expose her chest Yeah And it was in a Neen Bing t-shirt And I was like a Neen Bing t-shirt. And I was like, aha! And she's like, mmm. And she was angry and she's like,

my husband had no idea how much these cost until you wouldn't stop talking about it on the radio. And I was like, well, I'm glad that he knows. They just like t-shirts, don't they? Yeah. They just look like shitty vintage T-shirts. How much would that T-shirt have been? 300 bucks. No, not 300 bucks.

200 bucks. No, no, no. Three T-shirts. A couple of hundy. For a T-shirt? Yeah. I thought the hoodies were like 200 bucks. No, they are $400.

Oh, my God. This Aneen Bing is taking the piss. Yeah, she is. She really is. Yeah, $200. For a T-shirt. So no wonder she's angry at you. What, because you're talking about it.

I'm talking about how expensive this stupid brand is. And this brand sucks. No. Not only because it's expensive this stupid brand is. And this brand sucks. No. Not only because it's expensive. It just sucks. It's very basic. Yeah. When you were looking for ideas for your wife's birthday,

weren't you Googling socks and they were like, jokes. And then being socks. And how much are the socks? $180. Yeah, $120. For socks. I know we've talked about AS Colour already on the show, but it's a great place for basics.

It's a great place for basics. It's a great place for basics. I mean, they're probably a Neen Bing T-shirt screen printed. Make your own. Yeah, exactly. Make your own. Well, now I'm looking at a Neen Bing and sort of a couple of things I want. People will just, if you just make something right,

a Neen Bing and take it down to the place in the mall that does the screen printing, people are just going to assume you've got new season of Nene Bing. Yeah, because you're going to get Panini Bong, right? Panini Bong. Panini Bong. So there's two hair clips like this big that have AB on them, Nene Bing, the logo, $120.

It's dumb. Oh, my God. So she went from being an Instagram influencer to now having annual yearly revenue of $34.3 million. Yeah, she's a cult hit. So in 2020. She's laughing at us. Of course she is.

She's laughing at us. Right, but I love you wear it. You're dumb. I love that you're now getting told off in public. So, yeah, she's like, and I was like, oh, and is there more on the wardrobe at home? And she's like, there's a couple more T-shirts and a sweatshirt

that I dare not even get out anymore no you simply can't I was like well no but if you've paid for it wear it every day yeah and it better last

it better last yeah you're wearing that until it's falling off you oh yeah yeah it better last forever but it's not because it comes distressed

I've never bought any I own one piece of a name bang and I got it secondhand. So I'm a hero. How much was it secondhand? Hundreds. It was a blazer, though, so it was, like, quite expensive to start. Oh, my God.

It's crazy, eh? You'll wear it one day. Oh, my God. My parting words, the woman said, well, maybe we'll just tone down our Neen Bing alerts, shall we? She was just joking around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said, absolutely not.

I'm doubling down. And here we are. Hence now, guys, you need to do a wardrobe check when you get home. Wardrobe check. Wardrobe check. Anine Bing. It might say A, B. It might say Anine Bing.

It might just say Bing. It might say A, B. It might say Anine Bing. It might just say Bing. But don't pull her up about any panini bing. Panini bong is fine. That's fine. Panini bong.

Absolutely. Let's go to the producer's booth. We're producer Shanalee Pajamas. Shannon. Producer Shannon. Shanalee. We're calling her Shanalee Pajamas. Shanunu. Shannon. Chanelette. We're calling her Chanelette Pajamas. Shanunu.

I think the name stuck too, hasn't it? Chanelette Pajamas. Oh, Chanelette Pajamas and it's here to stay. Yeah,

it's great stuff. You're moving soon. You're moving, where are you currently residing? At your parents' house? Yeah, so I'm in between

two leases. Yeah, okay, whatever. You missed your mummy and your daddy. Yeah, I missed your mummy. I think he meant what's the address for the leases. Oh, okay, yeah,'. Okay, whatever. I think you said you missed your mummy and your daddy. Yeah, I missed your mummy.

I think he meant what's the address for the listeners. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stunning. They're going to pop around. So yeah, I'm at my parents', but I'm moving back in with my old flatmates and we're moving to Remuera.

Very exciting. Oh! I know. Humble brag. Must be nice! For our non-Auckland listeners, Remuera is the bougiest suburb in Auckland. Yeah, you marry them.

It is, it is. But yeah, so we're moving this weekend and my mum is an angel of a woman and she's offered to help me, which I'm very thankful for. I'm a very weak individual, so I'll take all the help I can get. And, you know, as a young woman, I have a drawer beside my bed with some things. Jesus! A whole drawer? I don't drawer beside my bed with some things. Jesus. A whole drawer? I don't know how to talk about this lightly.

I've got a tall chest that's full of all your knick-knacks, patty-whacks and give-a-dog-a-boom. Exactly. So I immediately panicked of like, okay, I've got to discreetly move these things before her. You wouldn't tell your mum that you had these things? No. Okay, she's a sweet, innocent angel. She's lovely. I feel like, wouldn't tell your mum that you had these things? No. Okay, she's a sweet, innocent angel.

She's lovely. Okay. I feel like, would you tell your mum? 100%. Yeah, I feel you would, yeah. Very open. I mean, I talk about it enough on air, she knows. I grabbed like a tote bag and stuffed the tote bag. Stuffed it full? Many of these adult toys do that.

And then it broke. Yeah, those handles snapped. I double bagged it. I got two. How many of these adult toys do you have? And then it broke. Yeah, those handles snapped. The handles came off. I double bagged it. I got two. Jeez Louise. So I tote bagged it. Then I double bagged it.

Put it in the wardrobe. And then mum goes, I'll help. Like a bag of shame. She goes, I'll help you with your wardrobe. I was like, nah. So I then took the shame bag and I put it in with all my yarn, which is, I'm a crocheter. She does crochet. Weren't you crocheting in the bath the other day?

I was crocheting in the bath. Can you crochet us some friendship vests? I'd love to. Great, thank you. I'll commission that. I'm a medium. I'm a woman's size 12. I thought you were a small.

You're looking twice. Stop it. No, not with these gahongas. Carry on. So, yeah, I put the bag of shame into another bag and then she starts fishing around there. So I didn't know what to do. So it's in my car.

So you're just driving around at the moment. With a bag full of woolen dills. Shannon, it's not a dead body. You're not trying to hide this from anyone. I don't know. And now I'm panicking because when I unpack, I've now got to like unbag. They're just going to stay in the car.

They're going to stay in the boot. Bro, your parents aren't conservative. No, not at all. I don't know your parents, but the stories you've told us about them, they don't seem conservative. Your mum was Miss Hot Legs Australia. She was. Yeah.

Yeah, no, they're not conservative. It's just not a discussion. A little too intimate to share. Yeah, and because I've been living in their house, so then they would know that that stuff is. Well, they've probably noticed the TV reception goes a bit buzzy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. TV reception. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, reception goes a bit buzzy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. TV reception.

The lights go... They think the house is haunted. You're drawing on too much power. Yeah, she keeps drawing all her clothes, doesn't she? And then the poltergeist is like... Yeah. Her poor receding gums with their electric toothbrush. Jot that down.

Jot that down. I'm the one who brought it to the table. It's okay. We love it. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, so they're in my car. So I'll just be driving around with it till Sunday. Are you worried?

What if you get stomped by the police and they're like, we need to check the boot, man. What if you have a crash and your car... Yeah, and they get there and it's just like, rule and satisfy our pro twos everywhere. And then, like, the cause of the crash must have been that she was using one of these devices. Yeah, one they get there and it's just like, rule and satisfy our pro twos everywhere. And then like the cause of the crash must have been that she was using one of these devices. Yeah, one of these 15.

Lost control. It was scattered around the road. Oh my goodness. Double bag tote. Yeah. That's a lot. Yeah, wow. I'm trying to think about what I've hid from my parents before.

I'll tell you a story about the year 2002. Okay, okay. The internet. Did you ever double bag tote? I had tell you a story about the year 2002. Okay. Did you ever double bag tote? I had a bedside drawer and when my parents were helping me move that flat, I was like, don't worry about that. It's heavy. I'll get it. And mum's like, it won't be heavy if we take the drawers out one at a time and slid them on and draw them out.

And I was like, oh! And then she was like, oh no! What was it? It was a butt plug. No, it was like, oh! And then she was like, oh, no! What was it? It was... It's a butt plug. No, it wasn't a butt plug! It was pornographic magazines! It was the year 2002.

My friend worked at the service station. If they were there at the end of the month, they cut the cover off them and you got to... And then Dad was like, why have these got no covers? And then everyone was standing around this drawer looking at it. And mum's like, how many do you need? And then dad said, oh, you've got to have a bit of variety. And then she looks at him and he's like, I mean, so I've heard.

I'm like, well, there's no... And then we all just stood there in silence for a little bit. And then I put the drawer back and I said, I told you it was heavy. And I picked it up and put it in the back. I'm like, oh, that's embarrassing. They didn't confiscate them? And then all of my stuff was just in the garage for the whole summer before I found another flat.

Yeah. And, like, I could just, my mother would walk in there and just look at the drawer and just be like, Phil! Jesus. And she'd sprinkle some holy water on it, speak a little bit of Latin. Maybe we could. Omate kumbatha.

Bless this child. Forgive him his sins. I think you should take some calls and get some messages in of the things that you've hidden from your parents or the things that they have stumbled upon. Because some parents can be quite nosy. Can't they?

My parents, one, two things my parents found on me. One was nits. And the embarrassing thing about it was I was 17 years old. Oh. Yeah, I know. And I was playing the piano. My mum came up behind. She was sort of playing with my hair and listening.

And she was like, oh. I don't think we want those stories. The second thing is a hickey. Same reason. Came up for a little cuddle from behind and they yanked my scarf and was like, Miss Sproul! Hickey from Connecticut. But you weren't hiding anything in your room ever?

Yeah, heaps. Heaps. Now we are talking about the things that you have hidden from your parents that perhaps they found. Producer Chanelette, pyjamas, has a bag of dillies in her car at the moment because she's hoping

because her mum's helping her move and yarn and yarn very thick knitting needles yeah that must be for a new type of knitting

a real cable knit on that and you turn them on and they move and I think they knit themselves yeah yeah yeah self knitting needles

yeah there you go. God, that'd be a loose knit, wouldn't it? It'd be big. You'd need that real thick wool, that cable wool. Hannah, good morning. Good morning. Good morning.

What were you hiding from your parents? A tattoo. Oh, this is a classic. I know people that are in their 20s or 30s and their parents still don't know. I know a lady in her 50s. Really? Yes. Oh, my God. What was the tattoo of? I know people that are in their 20s or 30s and their parents still don't know. I know a lady in her 50s. Really? They won't tell me.

Yes. Oh, my God. What was the tattoo of? It's two bats with some mysterious purple fog behind it. And they don't know. What? And I feel like we were friends when we were young. Why is there mysterious purple fog?

Is it a toxic? It's spooky. It's spooky. Yeah, right. I would have thought like. It's the origins of the COVID pandemic. Purple spooky fog. Back in the day, I mean, we're going back a good,

a long time. You were a goth, weren't you? No, I wasn't. But, you know, or a long time. You were a goth, weren't you? No, I wasn't, but you know, I wanted to be, you know, but I didn't have, like, that confidence to like, pull it off. Yeah, and so did, has she ever found out? Yes, she did, so I got it when I was 16, because, like, 16

year olds, like, know everything, right? Yeah, they do. And I thought that was so cool, and I went to the tattoo studio, which was like, literally just down the road from my house. Mistake number one. And then like I hit it. It's on my left boob, right? So it's not an easy one to hide either.

So I thought I was real smart and hit it for like all these years. Turtlenecks. They called you Turtleneck Hannah for years. They should have. And yeah, it wasn't until my wedding day. So I got married when I was like 31. Oh my God. And we had ceremonies.

Was it quite a low cut top? Yeah, sweetheart. No, it was still covered. I made sure my wedding dress covered it so that my mum wouldn't see it. And so what did she say when she saw it? Well, it was after the lunch, actually, and we sort of all got up and going to do the cake thing, and she came over and whispered in my ear,

now that you're a married woman, are you going to tell me about your tattoo? Oh. That's such a mum thing to say. I heard her sit down. I'm like, oh, my God, how long have you known? And she's like, since the day you got it. Easy, mum.

It's a tic-tac-toe bat. I love that she just waited 16 or 15 years to drop that on you. That's amazing. Hannah, thank you so much. No one just is anonymous female. She joins us now. Good morning, anonymous female.

Morning. I wish you would have put one of those grrrr, grrrr, grrrr, grrrr, grrrr, grrrr, grrrr. Voice distorters on. What were you hiding from your parents? It wasn't my parents. It was my uncle. He found my diary of when I lost my virginity.

Oh, shut up. What was he doing reading your diary? I had just moved in with my grandmother and had my box of stuff out in the garage. And he was rummaging through looking for stuff and he came across this book with my name on it and then yeah and he

I found it on the kitchen bench I was like oh I thought that was in my box of stuff and he looked at me and goes oh yeah I found this and you know thought I'd have a read oh that's an invasion

of privacy yeah that's not good I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't

I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't

I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't

I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't

I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't

I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't

I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't

I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't Put them back where you found them. You used to have those locks that you could also use a bobby pin to open. Yeah. That was a really great one. Thank you very much, Anonymous Female. Yeah.

So messages in. We were given a queen bed of a friend whose son had had it before us. Underneath the bed frame, so up underneath the bed frame, was a pouch that he'd made full of adult magazines. Oh, my God. Like a little book slot. A little hidey hole. Yeah. Clever thing.

Clever thing. Cleverly. Take those out with tongs and throw those away. We messaged him asking him if he wanted them back. That's great. Because he knows you know. Yeah. He knows. I used to hide my old school lunches in boxes of old clothes.

And one day my mum found six mouldy Peter Pockets while getting my winter clothes out to donate a year after it was put there. Silly Billy. My mum was looking after my kids over Christmas and she was doing

things around the house and she asked where the tools were and I said it's in my room of arts and crafts and later that day she sent me a photo of my adult fun toy

saying now I can figure out what most of these tools do, but what the hell is this? Oh, my God. All the innocence. Bless mum's naivete. Lots of stories about smoking. Somebody else had a book of Anne of Green Gables,

but all the pages were glued together and it had the middle hollowed out, and that's where they kept their weed. And then mum apparently walked in and was like, oh, my God, Anne of Green Gables, I read this when I was a girl. In trouble. Yeah. Play it. C.D.M.'s Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's fact of the day is about cats Yes You guys have got cats We've all got cats Yeah It's about Three cats

What? We've got three cats I've got two Do you? Oh yeah you've got the little one That's right Yeah And one's dead

You don't want to talk about that. I know. I still would have had three cats, but. Yeah, one died of old age. He lived a good, they lived a good life. Well, it's actually about the average lifespan of cats. Oh, no, don't. This might make me upset.

It's increased. Yes. In the early 1980s, the average lifespan of the domestic pet cat was seven years. Now, I must admit, in the 80s, we tore through some cats. Down on the farm. We had some long-living cats growing up in the 80s and 90s. So it was about seven years in the 80s. Okay.

In 1995, it had risen to 9.4 years. Okay. On average. And in 2021, the average lifespan of a pet cat is 15 years Woohoo Yeah that's good Yeah Because how old was

I know you don't want to talk about it But how old was Anakin We got Anakin in 2005 And he died at the end of 2020 15 That doesn't help one That doesn't help me I'm not good at maths

16 or 16 16 years old Yeah That's good So one study found that Castrating male cats makes them live twice as long. Yeah, chop it off. So get them neutered, get them spayed. Because they're not out there being horndogs.

Yeah, using all the energy. I guess so. Or it's just like testosterone. Yeah, right. It ages you, doesn't it? And spayed female cats live 62% longer than intact. And also, I'm guessing the medicine for cats has improved, just like it has for humans.

It has. And maybe the quality of food. That's a big one, food. When I think about what we fed our cats, who both lived to the age of like 16-ish, in the 90s, it was just canned chef. Yeah, canned chef was like the only thing there was. Canned for the chef.

Meow. Whereas we do like a grain-free diet of salmon and daddy doody do with dental biscuits and water. Yeah. You know? It was a can of slop, wasn't it? Yeah. Salmon.

In the 80s, it was salmon, but it did have a horsey aroma. Oh, my God. It was so big horse energy. Okay, for the record, Chef did not use horses. Well, I'm going to say Chef. Some may have drawn

the line between the two. Some may have drawn the line and that was not the case. Well, that's on them for drawing that line. So, avoid too many treats. This is a problem. We're more aware of cat obesity

Yeah Are we though? You've got a fat puss I've got a fat puss You do And every time I take her to the vet They get the fat puss on the scales Yeah

And then I miss the feature This puss is fat And they look at you and they're like He's six point something kgs Is that fat? That's pretty good That's better though right? Wasn't he edging up towards seven?

Yeah, because I watch what I feed him. Exercise and enrichment. Okay. A role in overall health and general well-being of the cat and the big one. Teeth. Oh, teeth. Because he had dental biscuits. We've got dental biscuits.

With harakeke flax seeds. For rough edge. Yeah. And tree bark from the... Kawakawa. I was going to say Kawakawa. Say what you will. That plant is a magic plant.

Dude. Kawakawa can do anything. You can wipe your bum with it. No, kombucha. No? Yeah. Beautiful. You'll live forever.

Kawakawa's yum. It's peppery. Yeah, it's like pepperminty, isn't it? Yeah. It's like I had a manukauka honey and kawakawa balm. You put that on your genital rash, didn't you? Huge. They were about to drop off.

I had gangrene of the genitals. Yeah. And the kawakawa and manuka honey balm cleared it right up. You wrecked it. Yeah. And it was that time I was attacked by a medieval knight. I had that huge laceration across my chest. That's right.

Just a simple kawakawa and manuka honey bar. Yep. Back to brilliant. You can't even see the scar anymore. That stuff is magic. You're making some big medical claims here, Hornbanks. Huge claims. But of course I can back up.

Yeah, right. Scientifically. Of course you can. All right, Joe Rogan. So today's fact of the day is the average lifespan of pet cats is on the increase. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Now, look, your whole, since you leave drama school,

all you wait for is jobs. You just constantly want jobs, you want to get auditions for jobs, you want to get job offers all the time. It's the life of a gigging actor. You've got a job every day here, though, now. But my spirit for acting has not been crushed. Yeah, good. By these early mornings. Yeah. Entertaining you lot

New Zealand. I know I love it, but I also, you know, I do lots of things and I got an email from my agent, it's always exciting, saying, we've got an offer for a role for you. Right. Now it was for a bit of some commercials online and I thought, oh yeah. What were you

what kind, we don't have to say the product, what kind of area does this product fall into? Appliances. Appliances. Okay. Now, you know I'm loyal to no brand when it comes to appliances because you've roasted me before

that I've got a Smeg microwave, a Fisher & Paykel range hood, a Eurotech oven, and a Samsung fridge. And even doing renovations and doing a whole new kitchen, it's all still in this mess. And a Bosch dishwasher.

I've literally ticked all of the boxes. Yeah. And I care for nothing. I care little. Right. Anyway, so I got this, the brief, you get a brief, and this was a pretty short brief. Yeah.

The brief said, woman returning home, age range, 38 to 45. And you are currently 33. 33. And like, I haven't been 33 for that long. And the age range was 38 to 45. And you

are currently 33. The difference there at the low end of the scale is five. Five years. Yeah end of the scale is 5 5 years yeah 10 years at the high end thank you 10 years

at the high end if you're a woman returning home are you also returning home to your children so you're a 45 year old

mother of you've got big 45 year old mother of 3 she's got big 3 energy yeah yeah yeah because you had

your first. It was an easy baby. Second, you're like, this is great, but we want a girl. So you try again and then you end up with a hurricane of a third boy. Yeah, I've got three boys. They've driven me wild. They've worn me down. I look knackered.

But you love your appliances. Thank God. That you're using in the kitchen. Thank God for these appliances. Otherwise, you would lose your mind so easy to come home at the end of the day and cook and provide for my family and husband yeah kate these beautiful you're a kate are you a kate she can't name let me find her name oh what does Oh, no. What's the name? Anthea. Anthea.

Anthea. Since when do people in commercials have names? Was it a story thing? Will her name be mentioned? Mom! Mom! That's what you got times three. And then my husband goes, Anthevia, the kids are calling for you

And you're like, I can't right now, Daryl I'm using the brand new appliance Appliance of choice Guys So did you say yes to this answer? So when does it start? I mean, you're born for this role I've said, I've absolutely said no

I am so deeply offended What did you say to your agent? I slipped into the age bracket of 38 to 45 Yeah I am so deeply offended What did you say to your agent? I slipped into the age bracket of 38 to 45 Yeah Mother of three rambunctious boys Mum! Look, the truth of the matter is I can't do it

The dates don't work But, however, I have taken the high ground And I would have said no anyway Yeah, okay 38 to 45 I remember when I was like 23 years old I got an ad and I was like, oh my god. Ads are where it's at. I want an ad.

And it was for Anchor Milk and I had to drink from a yogurt pouch. And then I read the brief and I was fit mum. And I was like, 23. Okay. And then I got on set and they were twins. And I was like At 23 they were like.

At 23, and I'm in fitness gear and you're telling me I look like I just popped out. These were fresh babies. No, because they're saying the yogurts whipped you back into shape. Yeah. Complimentous. Right. Yeah, but still, if I've given birth to twins, it changes a woman. Yeah.

Oh, absolutely. I was still a girl. And I was being a woman. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I was still a girl. And I was being a mother of two. So what you're saying is you're always being asked to play old woman. Well, not always, but 38 to 45 shook me somewhat. It's really shook me that I've just slipped into this age bracket. Yeah, it's pushed you up over 40 now. You've had your 40th.

Yeah. I haven't, though. No, I know. That's seven years away. I know. That's why you're saying it's traumatic. Yeah. Because you've kind of been pushed into that. Well, what are. That's seven years away. I know. That's why you're saying it's traumatic. Yeah.

Because you've kind of been pushed into that. Well, what are you going to do then? I said no. I could do it. I'm not going to do it. You could do it. I could do it. I'm in that age group.

I'm in that age bracket. Give me a bit of Anthea. What am I? I'm going to drop you into some framework. I'm coming home. Anthea, she's a GP recently. I'm a GP? Come on. That's a compliment.

That's what's aged you. The stress of the job. No, I'm a funky young artist. That's what I am. I'm not a GP job. No, I'm a funky young artist. That's what I am. I'm not a GP. Hayley Sproul. Funky young, cool artist.

Free. She's free. Free of children. Mother of three. GP. Give us a bit of anthea. Okay. That's just the sound I make. Oh, for God's sake.

It's a sigh. It's a sigh. And then my little appliance is going to go. And I'm going to be like, oh, like, thank God. Man! Shut up! I just got home! Give me a moment!

So scientists had a bit of spare time on their hands, I reckon, and they conducted a study wanting to figure out how quickly the human brain makes decisions around things. And one of the things they looked at was music and how quickly we decide, ooh, this is a bit of me. Now, what's that new song that I'm into? Okay, Mum. What's the new song that I'm into? Are you just getting into that hot jam that I was just telling your father that I enjoyed?

Are you getting into that 45-year-old woman character that sells appliances? Yeah, what's the... Oh, bloody hell, Anthea, think about it. What's that bloody song? God, I was talking about it to a patient today. Oh, God. Oh, for God's sake, Anthea. Then it came on in the pharmacy.

Oh, God, the boys have destroyed drained me of all of my energy today. I need a shot of that. Anyway, there's a new song. The moment I hear it, I'm like, oh, this is a bit of me. I like that. For some songs, I'm like, ugh, immediately. Well, like the new Miley song. As soon as I heard that, I was like, this is going to be huge.

I like this. This is a bit of me. Are you picking hits over there? I'm picking hits. Are you picking hits? I'm picking hits. He's making stars. I'm picking hits over here. I'm picking hits for the you picking hits? I'm picking hits. He's making stars. I'm picking hits over here.

At least some hits for the rest of us to pick. The other one was Sam Smith, Unholy. When that first came out, we were like, oh. And we started blasting it because we were like, some of us grown up Catholic, some of us like a bit of choral singing. So what they came down to is it takes the human brain five seconds

to decide whether or not they like a song. After they make that decision, if the song keeps continuing, nothing changes in terms of the brain pattern signaling I like this or I don't like this. So you could listen to a track for five seconds, make that decision,

and then if you listen to the whole song, your decision won't change. Is it like when you meet someone? Because don't they say it's the same when you meet someone? I'm like that. You instantly can tell, like, oh, you're like a kindred spirit, or I don't like you.

Well, it's like if a song comes on in a TV show or a movie, you're instantly like, what is that? And you shazam it or you look it up. Because you're like, I love that song. I like it. I just know I like it. Even though it might be a quick clip of it.

A little, little thing. Yeah. So we could have a good hook. You know, like what are songs with great hooks? Shania Twain. Famous. She's famous.

Let's go girls. Yeah, she's famous for having the first five seconds of her song being a little being great. Yeah, and she always puts the hey or five seconds of her song being a little... Being great. Yeah, and she always puts the hey or the something at the start, which was always improv. Yeah.

The guy that was recording it, who later became her husband, who later left her for a friend. Yeah. Son of a bitch. Never forgive him. He would record her just ad-libbing in the studio and always chuck it on the track. So you have five seconds. Is there anything that's the same when you meet someone like a potential partner? Probably.

Five seconds at arm length. That's why I always go into dates juggling. Great first impression. So you've got five seconds to impress this person. They're like, wow, he's juggling oranges. Holy moly, when I see you juggle, I'm like I know, it's all right. That's a bit of me.

Another podcast in the bag. The plastic bag. Are they back? No, no, still banned. Okay. They never left. No, sorry.

That's where you come in with the line, boy. Boy, man, if you enjoyed that. Okay. Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell all of your friends. God, I need some sleep. Yeah.