ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 23rd January 2023

Episode Date: January 22, 2023

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It is thanks to McCafe. Try the refreshing McCafe ice coffee. It's available now at Macca's. Three golden gods here to entertain you. Back for the 2023 season.

We didn't even really catch up, did we? How was your holiday, Vaughan? It was all right. It was very wet. A lot of it was very wet. I had a lovely time at Mount Maunganui. Yes. Really hitting those two vowels in the middle there,

giving each of them their due. Maunganui. Yeah. Yeah, no, good, thank you. Yeah, good. Didn't get COVID. I was a bit lame. It wasn't like the coolest holiday I've ever had

because the weather was so dud for the first while. I had like a good couple of weeks in Queenstown and Wellington and Christchurch, and then I came home and just worked on the house in the rain, yeah. Yeah. Inhaling asbestos. Inhaling asbestos, so I'm a bit cloggy In the nose, my lungs are packing in And you went overseas you prick

We don't need to talk about that Jesus He does We received some correspondence A card A beautiful card A birthday card Were you doing a play on words there?

A card It's a car on the front It looks like some sort of cat Were you doing a play on words there? A car. Because there's a car on the front. There's a car on the front. They've got the matching envelope. It looks like some sort of cat driving the car. We love cats and we love cars. I can't read this person's name. Give us a look.

Give us a look. I'll try. Sarah? At the bottom there? Sarah? It's very cursive. Is that a J? Love from Jolly.

No, that's Sarah. Gerard. She's the heir to the Gerardolly. No, that's Sarah. Gerard. She's the heir to the Gerard fortune. I think it's Sarah. Let me have some eyes on it. I don't know, though. Get some eyes on it. She's got some lovely hair. Curse of writing.

Does it say who it's from? Jish. I-S-H. Design? Tish. Tish. Tish. Is that a T?

The initial on the front where she's put her return address. Is that a D or a... I think that's an S. Is it a T or an S on the front where she's put her return address Is that a D or a I think that's an S Is it a T or an S? It could be Sish To whomever this is I'll give you a Did you see how we just passed that?

That was pretty good Hello FVH Greetings from Boston, Massachusetts Oh beautiful I did a working holiday in New Zealand in 2018 And listened to the podcast when I returned to the US I miss New Zealand a lot And listening to you all helps me keep connected to Aotearoa

Kia ora I grew up on a dairy farm So shout out to Vaughan I'll leave the address at the bottom of the card Because I know you want to stalk it We do love stalking We're our international listeners. You say we love stalking.

You love stalking. I just love getting a feeling of where people are, where they are, where they're listening. Right. Google Maps is down. Yeah, just know when you ring, we can find out where you're phoning from and we then Google Map your house and have a look at where you live.

We triangulate your position. We like that spy centre. We've got big computer screens and computer a look at where you live. We triangulate your position. We like that spy centre. We've got big computer screens and computer databases. Golf balls. Yeah. I looked up this address before, and it's kind of like, it's in the state of New York, but it's not too far from Niagara Falls and Buffalo, where they invented the chicken wings.

Yum. I grew up on a dairy farm. If you want to stalk it, please refrain from reading it out on air. Yeah. You will. Fair call. Fair call. She then draws a cow. It was a blast listening

to the carving journey last year as that was my favourite part of growing up on a farm, seeing calves. There's nothing like it. A massive thanks for keeping me connected to New Zealand and easing the difficulty of the pandemic with laughter. Wishing you cats, cows and casting in the new year. So that's cats for you, cows for me and casting

for you. Because I'm an actress. Because you're an actress host. There you go. Radio presenter. Presenter. Writer. Comedian. Marching girl.

Yes. Fantastic. That's lovely. These correspondents all the way from Boston. But then I can't read. Leah. L-E-A-H. On a fresh pair of eyes.

L-E-A-H? Oh, no. But it could easily just be Judy. It looks like Lish. Actually, I think I'd put money on Leah. Yeah. But it also could be Judy.

L, E, like a backward three. Yeah. A with a lid. H. No, I'm going Lish or Sish. Lish.

All right, well, whatever your name is, you need to message us so that we can correct that in tomorrow's podcast. Yes. Yeah. Come come on Lish

imagine farming doing a hard day's yak and then going to actual buffalo for buffalo wings oh yum yum should we get buffalo wings

I had buffalo wings in America in Chicago and turkeys they are fucking huge yeah they must inject

those little chickens with all kinds of stuff. Because ours are like little thumbs. But it's like a number seven chicken. You get a single wing, it's like a number seven. Jeepers. The whole thing is just a mess. Then the chicken's jacked when it's alive?

Like it's doing weights and stuff. Like it just looks jacked. Oh, yeah. Or does it look sad and fat? I don't know. Is that why you've come back with breasts Because of all the hormones From the buffalo wings Yes it's my early puberty

What else on your trip Food wise Was like I put this in my prep it was completely ignored So fuck the lot of you I just thought it was a little self-indulgent for the radio show. I don't think people care about us that much. Okay, holidays chat, best thing you ate.

Go. Oh, fuck. I will say I was so surprised in Central and South America how amazing, there are some amazing restaurants. They do things a little differently. They do things a little differently. They do things a little differently, but rivaling anything that's here here or in Aussie and stuff

Like really cool restaurants Lots of Mexican food Surprisingly Surprisingly But never being in Mexico Right My mum wants to talk to you about Mexico by the way Are Ian and Christine going to venture?

Are they going to go to Mexico? Also Chicago, she wants to talk to you about Chicago Oh yeah, I'll talk to her about that yeah she's fascinated about Chicago love Mexico City love Mexico City

okay she'll be down for that okay best thing you ate my mum nailed the ham on Christmas nailed a Christmas ham like how do you

it wasn't dry it was juicy oh yeah so juicy we glazed the ham and rotisserie turkey 7kg turkey

oh you had the turkey guys actually really it was stressful I won't lie to you it was very stressful but no it turkey. Oh, you had the turkey, guys. Actually, it was stressful. I won't lie to you. It was very stressful. But no, it was good. Everybody raved about the turkey.

How did my stuffing go down? Fantastic. Saucer stuffing. Fantastic. Good stuffing. Okay, what's next? Where's no best thing you ate? Best thing you bought.

I'll go first. Bissell spot cleaner. Oh, did you? Oh, I need it. Did you? Yes. This is the thing that you clean like So you put a tank of water in one side With a little bit of their stuff in it

And then there's a dirty one on the other side And then you squirt and vac and scrub And you squirt and vac It's so insanely Sometimes you're like oh that's not that dirty And then you clean it and the water's filthy Brown Yeah

So then it's like I want to borrow that The whole family gathered round And we like spot cleaned All these bits and pieces That were being made For ages You should bring it in

For the studio chairs Because I put my hand Under to move my chair And there's like a Oh my god mine looks like Someone's pissed on it I'll bring it in tomorrow Put your hand under this

Put your hand under my chair And tell me what you feel I'll bring it in tomorrow We'll video it Because these will be Fucking gross These will be full They'll be wet for a while

So we might need to Wheel them outside For some sun Yeah we can stand For the show Great for the Great for the Best thing you bought

I bought a new jacket Oh That's right That chat Jesus Auntie Moneybags Bought a leather jacket And she got

Absolutely reprimanded For how much she spent On a leather jacket I can't believe it. It does look amazing. But just you wait for winter. Just you wait for winter. Don't tell us when you're wearing it.

You'll fucking know. Oh, yeah. You will know. Okay. The world will know. I think, I would say the best thing I bought would be my holiday. Yeah, okay. Yeah, okay.

It's pretty amazing. Best thing you saw? Monkeys. Oh, yeah, monkeys. Monkeys is great. The Manuel Antonio forest, like jungle. Manuel Antonio. Yeah, right.

I saw, oh, we sawed off the back end of our house. No, that's not. No. You've taken that quite literally. But what we saw was that the old owners of the house in some areas, they had put stickers of timber down on corkboard to make it look like wood. So we were pulling up the floor and going, real floorboard, real floorboard, knowing that this bit looked a bit different.

Timber sticker. It's a sticker. A timber sticker. Thank you. The best thing I saw was at the Mount Main Beach after that big storm, it changed the shape of the beach. Not where I thought that was going. The big, oh, there were some dumps.

There was a bit of that. Well, there were some dumps as well. Let me tell you, the arses of this nation deserve their own round of applause, but not for now. We're a good dump nation. We're looking good in the dump area. It changed the shape of the beach,

so it dropped off real quick at the high time out. The waves would just look beautiful. And then just like boom. And people didn't know. And they were walking out into them and just watching old people, young people, fit people, people,

a girl lost her bikini top when she got slammed. Oh, here it is. Here it is. We didn't see any titties. Didn't see the nip. But just watching people getting smashed by a a wave It was all about the beautiful waves Best thing you watched

As in like Television or movies I re-watched Arrested Development All season Such a funny show so ahead of it's time So problematic now Don't cancel me I watched Jack Ryan Such a funny show, so ahead of its time. So problematic now. Yes. Don't cancel me.

Don't cancel me. Don't cancel me. I watched Jack Ryan, the new Jack Ryan season, which is good. You watched that as well? I watched that, yes. That was great. Also, just finished the second season of Slow Horses on Apple TV. You've been harping on about that. I just feel it's so underrated, I guess because it's on Apple.

Gary Oldman is. Oh, my God. So it's about the rejects of MI5. Is it MI5 or MI6? Oh. Maybe MI5 is the rejects of MI6. Nah, but they all get sent to this one place because they've messed up in the field or whatever.

But it's great. It's brilliant. And also Nearly Finished Top Boy which I think you'll love it's like yeah kind of like a British Wire British version of the wire

alright I think I watched everything everywhere all at once have you guys seen this yes it's so good it's

the fact that that is nominated for any awards blows my mind because it is the weirdest movie I've seen yeah but so good it's on all the like

best movies of 2022 lists it's so good and everything's on all the like best movies of 2022 lists. It's so good. And everything it's phenomenally ridiculous. Yeah. Shade my wife was just like what?

It's happening. And I'd pause and I'd be like and she'd be like why? I'm like that's the best part about this movie.

Go with it. How is this nominated for awards? And Puss in Boots 2. Oh my god. I'm not shitting you Puss in Boots 2 is a fantastic movie.

You need to grow up. Puss in Boots 2 works. Can I ask when they Puss in Boots 2 is a fantastic movie. You need to grow up. Puss in Boots 2. Can I ask, when they, Puss in Boots, how do they spell Puss? P-U-S-S. Puss. Puss in Boots. Yeah. Puss is one S.

No, it's not. Puss is two S. No, Puss is one S because it comes from pustulate. No, but P-U-S-S. No, it's two S's. Puss. Puss. Puss.

But then Wuss, W-S-S. I don't want to Google Puss. Puss, Puss, Puss, Puss, Puss. Yeah, Puss, Puss, Puss, Puss two S's. Oh, it's everything. Puss. But then wuss. WSS. I don't want to Google Puss. Puss, Puss, Puss, Puss, Puss. Yeah, Puss, Puss, Puss, Puss, Puss. What's that British show? Am I Being Unreasonable? Yeah, fuck, that's brilliant.

I haven't watched it yet, but I'm going to. That's my next. That's so good. Right. Well, there you go. There's a lot to watch. There's a little bit of something. A lot to watch. A little bit of something.

Play ZM's Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. We back. We back. We back. Hey, everyone.

I want to start the news. Positive note. Yep. You know, different new year, new attitude. Wow. Good news. Well, no, it's not good news, but, you know, it's 15 years since Heath Ledger died.

Why are you going to do that, man? I don't know now. I just don't know. 15 years. It's too fresh. It's fresh still. I thought you were going to come in here with a fresh attitude, a work attitude for the year.

Nah. No, he came in grumps, late, and with news of Heath Ledger's death. Yeah. Nah. I wonder if this news has shocked anyone. You know, who didn't realise. At the time. I have a friend.

I have a friend who made a game, and it pops off. It's called Dead or Alive. And you list all these celebrities, and you have to go dead or alive, dead or alive, dead or alive. I always forget. And at the end, you clarify which ones you got right. And so many of them, you're like, wait, what? When did they die? Yeah.

Or holy moly, they're still cooking. The Emmys last week. Yeah, they were like, this person's died. I forgot about that. Yeah. Death, man. It's inevitable. It's coming for us all.

Two minutes past six. Right. Coming up on the show. The top six. Can I just say Everyone's looking Really nice and brown Brown Everyone's looking

Toasty brown There's been some sun Hasn't there Have you seen my rash You can't see the best light Oh yeah you've got a sun rash I've got a sweat rash Do you need to borrow

More of my expired cream Have you got more No it's Look at that It's bumpy I can't even see it From here That's like

Brow on your arm Just try to stay Two and a half metres away from everybody at all times. It's getting itchy. Oh, I don't want that. Have you been in some nettles or something? Probably. We've got, what's that, deadly nightshade? Is that bad?

Woolly nightshade. Woolly nightshade. Yeah, really bad. Many, many, all families have nightshade quite bad. We've got that in the backyard and I just pulled it out and I think maybe. Oh, no. It's a mixture. Oh, no. You're a mixture. Oh, no.

You're quite itchy. Head to toe. Asbestos? Yeah, but we just put water on it. Oh, yeah, put water on it and chuck it in the bin. Yeah, yeah, it's fine. It's a skip. That's a landfill problem.

And it's going to rain or something, so it'll settle it down. The dust is the problem. It'll seep into the neighbours. It's their problem. Yeah. I don't know. It's not mine. Do you remember when we were in Rarotonga once and they were taking all the asbestos out in a shipping container to scuttle it?

I'll never forget it. To scuttle it. It was on the nightly news when we were staying at a three-star resort. Club Raro, shout out. Club Raro. Swim up bar. Swim up bar. And there was a story on the news about how they were taking a shipping container

of asbestos out, just way out, and they were just going to scuttle it. What's scuttle mean? Like, put it in the ocean. Just start shooting holes in it so it sunk. Oh, sorry,

fish. I know, and it was even then, I was like, that seems like a wild thing to do with asbestos. This wasn't at Club Raro. No,

certainly no slight on the three star. I mean, it may have been their asbestos. I'm not sure where the asbestos is coming from.

See, first option in the cheapest package at Raro. Oh, wow. Sure was. The pool did not look anything like the photos. They never do. Yeah, and you've got just a slight pain behind the eye when you walk to your room past the giant satellite dish.

Yes, yeah. It's just a little pool. All right, coming up, the first top six for 2023. Yes, insects are the protein of the future. And if you've seen how much lamb costs at the moment, maybe just nip into the garden and get a few snails. But beetle burgers. They're talking about beetle burgers.

That's the future, beetle burgers. Yeah, the protein in a burger. Do we say it three times? Just once, just twice. Okay. Won't say it again Not in a row That's for sure

I've got the top six Insect based takeaway meals You can expect to enjoy In the future Coming up on the top six next Well something that's always Sort of Made me very curious

Why men touch their crotch so much Happy New Year everyone Well it's just We're adjusting I'm back with my Hot content For me it's checking It's still there

Well they can disappear up and inside of you, can't they? They can. Sometimes. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I would I was going to say that in such a terrible way.

How many times would I touch my genitals in a day? Like what? Like a man? You don't often see vagina owners touching it just during the day in a normal way. Well, that's because men are adjusting. In the way that you just see a guy sort of grab it and give it a little tuggy-wuggy or rest their hand on it. Might need to dig the knickers out, you know, or just give it an adjust.

But even when you're just like sitting? Yeah, because you don't want to sit on one. Oh, I know, you've got to sit on a ball. Have you seen those undies advertised?

And there's a little pouch. So you pull them on and then you tuck them forward. Yeah, you sit the balls forward. But is that to make it look like you've got more of a package?

No, no, no. That's cheating. No, it's to separate the junk from the thigh area, right? Which is the thing that you're trying to like... Yeah, right. Peel it off. Yeah, right.

Sometimes. Especially in the summer. Yeah. Often a peel off. Gets sweaty, doesn't it? Don't you talc? Producer Jared loves to talc. He loves to talc.

But that turns to a paste when you get hot and sweaty. I've told you about this. They faced a giant lawsuit over this talc. I haven't talced in a while. Mostly because I can't afford the talc. Yeah, yeah. Oh, cost of living. How much is talc at the moment?

I think I want to say like five or six bucks. Yeah, but surely Kmart does an off-brand talc. Oh, no, no, no. You're not playing around with that? It'd be fragrance, wouldn't it? Well, apparently, so many, many years. $6, $6 at countdown for 400 grams of Johnson's baby powder. How much of this are you going through?

It's hard to quantify because you can't have Puff Puff on the hand. I've tried not to Puff Puff on the hand in 2023. Get a small towel. I'm trying to reduce my poof poof. I don't know guys, maybe a tablespoon, I don't know. You poof poof onto the hand and then smack smack down. Why don't you poof poof?

Yeah, because if you poof poof straight onto the jennies, you're going to get so much dropped on the floor and that's wasted tell. Oh, right, okay. Cost effective. I remember that as a kid, Nan would walk in and there'd just be like footprints on the floor because we'd poop off straight on after a bath. And Nan would be like, no, you've got to poop off onto the hand.

So why don't you stop because it's too expensive? Yeah. But do you not have the issue down there anymore? Well, nah. I don't. No, don't shy away. Go deep into the details, please, of your sticky summer situation. Fletch, this is you.

You can buy three kgs of industrial talc at once. Oh, he loves a bulk. Oh, I love a bulk buy. It comes in a big, like, protein powder-sized tub. With a scooper. You could do this. You could poof-poof all over the bathroom with an industrial tub of talc. Yep.

You'd probably give yourself cancer. The middy would go in in the morning after you'd left for work and she'd slip on the talc. Yeah. Can't have that. But why? Why do I bring this up, you ask? Yeah.

So there were some scientists have chimed in on why men touch their crotch so much, other than because it feels good, and two, to, like, give a little peel or a just. Yeah. because it feels good, and two, to like give a little peel or a just. Movember, you know, who does the prostate cancer fundraising, they did a survey last year trying to find out how many times a day the average male touches their testicles. And they came up to... It's like a game of operation. They put the electrode on the testicles and then the other one on your finger.

Oh, Jebus, that's one. Seven was the magical number. I want to see what if I thought that would have been way higher. They said it varied. Per hour or per day. One admitted to having a casual fondle up to 50 plus, 50 plus times a day. It's a little adjust. And then psychologists have come in to say why

this happens. And apparently it's like a tribal thing. So it's like a kind of a masculinity thing. So by reassuring yourself of your manhood down there, you are confirming in your head your masculinity

and making you feel part of a more dominant tribe. Right. Isn't this, I was like, how? Or it could just be that you've got a sweaty gooch like producer Jared and you haven't- I would say mostly sweaty gooch. But also it's like a feeling of like comfort

to help you ease anxiety and your masculinity and being like, don't be scared. You've got a big willy down there. Or your jocks are getting a bit old and the elastic band around the legs has gone a bit loose. Yeah. So it's not holding it all in. You just have to give the elastic band a flick down

and that collects around the ball as well. Well, no, apparently it's supposed to make you feel better and more masculine within yourself, which helps reduce anxiety. If you're having a little bit of an anxious day today, give yourself a bit of a fumble. Yeah, you touch it and you're like, that's right, I'm still of the far more advantageous gender in the current society.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley, silly little poe, silly little poe. It is so silly, silly, silly That silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Love me a toenail clip.

When did those get invented? Because when we grew up we had little nail scissors. Yes, the little... Apparently they're better. Nail scissors? Yeah, you have more control over the shape which will lead to less ingrown toenails. Oh, no. Yeah, you've always got to clip in the end on the.

Because a lot of people just go straight, right? Clip, clip. No, no, yeah, because then that straight edge left on the end is going to push in. Jagged. You've got problems. You've always got to tight out the edges. So those classic nail clippers that you always get from like the $1, $2, $3 shops. Yes.

You've got to buy a big sturdy one, the cheap ones. Also, I'm going to go for a pharmacy. You want a high quality metal. You rock it a bit of a thickie. Yeah. You've got a thickie toenail. Oh yeah, you've got to have the power. Now, but you pay more at the pharmacy.

Why don't you get the cheapos? Oh, I don't know. The patent for those, the classic one where you swing the lever around. And it's got a little hook. 1875. That was when they were invented. Yeah, that was when they were invented. Beautiful invention.

Yep. Designed by a name, a man named Valentin Fogarty. Fogarty, like John. They should be called the Fogarty Snips. The Fogarty Snippers. Yeah. I'm going to start calling them.

Aaron, have you seen the Fogarty Snips? Yeah, where are the Fogarty Nail Snips? Well, so he patented those, but then now everyone just makes them. So has he lost the patent? It might have lapsed. Well, so he painted in those, but then now everyone just makes them. So has he lost the patience? It might have lapsed. Well, we asked today in our silly little poll about toenail clipping. Do you clip your toenails inside or outside?

I do it when I'm sitting on the toilet and I just chuck them out the window. But do they ping? You've got to... No, I'm a... Yeah. No, I don't think I put my hand as a guard. I'll shield around the toe as I clip if I'm worried about a ping. When it pings, eh, she sends off.

Yeah, where's it gone? Yeah. I don't know. Well, that's the painted spring lever action of the foggity sniffs. The foggity sniffs. But you don't sit on... Because you've got the perfect steps on the outdoor deck. Yeah, I know.

You sit right there and clip them onto the grass. Yeah, Aaron does little outdoor porch steps. Yeah, sit on the bottom step. Into the gravel. Yeah, into the wild. No man's land. And then they go back into nature, your toenails. You give them back to nature.

Do you know who loves eating toenails? Who? Chickens. Do they? Who? All sorts of anything. Oh, no. When we trim the goat's hooves, the chickens are just like, gimme, gimme, gimme.

I'm not eating your eggs now. Great egg. No, I have eaten his eggs before. Yeah, have you had any toenails in your arm? I've had toenail eggs. Free-range goat nail eggs. Thanks to the pay-to-do action, foggity sniffs. Well, I don't have an outdoors, so I have to do that.

I'll do my fingernails. Hang your foot out the area and spray your nails down onto central Auckland. Out the window. I was walking with their morning. Hang your foot out the area and spray your nails down onto central Auckland. Out the window. As I was walking with their morning coffee. Great. They wouldn't even notice. And they get to the bottom and they're like, where did it come from? So I'll do my fingernails over the sink and then down the drain and sinkerate them.

You can sinkerate them. And then there's no pinging because you don't want them pinging off somewhere else. Because I do my fingernails and my toenails in the sink. Uber, how do you get your leg up? I literally will put my leg up on the thing and just snip straight into the basin. I'll just sit on the couch and do them onto the carpet and then vacuum up with the powerful suction of the Dyson. Lovely.

Yeah, wow. Must be nice. Do you clip your toenails inside or outside? 62% of people clip them inside. 38% of people saying outside. Quite a big chunk there. Gross, Kelsey. A warning, this is gross.

Okay. I trim them. Oh, God, she says. I trim them inside, but only because my dog eats them. But then what's the difference between her dog and your chicken? Well, the chicken is taking that calcium and turning it into a hard egg. Right, whereas the dog's just going to have toenails sticking out of its poop. Yeah, but they eat their own chunder as well.

Yeah, they do. They're feral. They're feral animals. Yeah, filthy. Not like the cat. The cat would never. Oh, no, I've seen my cat eat its own vom. They do.

He ate too fast, and he vomed it up, and he was like, well, it's still good. Yeah, I can still see the shape of the biscuits. And I was like, well, he is cleaning it can still see The shape of the biscuits And I was like Well he is cleaning it up So I'll just wait Till he finishes Oh it's like If there's an animal

Vomiting at our house I'll just wait Till the golden retriever Takes care of it Let him have Give it a once over If he's not going to eat it It's so disgusting

If he's not going to eat it And then lick the floor afterwards Maybe I'll step up With a handy towel Oh dear Animals Spaghetti says Inside Even though I'm a grown ass adult Who knows better Always vacuuming though with a handy towel. Oh dear. Animals. Spaghetti says, inside,

even though I'm a grown-ass adult who knows better, always vacuuming though. Yeah, always vacuum. But then do you vacuum also the surrounding areas? Yep. To get in here.

Get the pingers. Rogue pingers. Ping off. Yeah. Sometimes they get stuck into the fibre of the carpet too so you might have to pick one out. Yeah.

They really do that. Jagged. Inside says Maddie because it's just toenails clip them over a paper towel or the toilet paper and then just chuck them in the bin.

I'm not going outside. Yeah. Okay, fair call. She's just not going outside. Yeah. Hates the outdoors. I clip them over the toilet or the bath

and then it's all just contained and you can flush them away. Clip them over the toilet but would you put your foot on the toilet seat? Yeah, I guess you would with an open seat. Alright. Would you toilet but would you put your foot on the toilet seat? Yeah, I guess you would. With an open seat. Alright. Would you porcelain

or put down the seat? Put down the lid. No, but then you've got all the clippings. You'd just do it over the toilet. You'd do it over the straight porcelain. Hover. Yeah. Outside because I'm not an animal, says Bridget. Okay. Martine says, utterly shocked at the insiders. I literally

just berated my mum for doing this inside my house yesterday when she was visiting me. Abhorrent. Now, I wouldn't trim my toes to visit somewhere. No, absolutely not. It's a home activity.

How fast are your toenails growing if you have to cut them on a small getaway? Unless mum at home has the snips and you have the pain in the... Fogarty snips. Yeah, yeah. The nail trimming fogarty snips at your house.

Yeah. I'm usually sitting on my ass in the shower and then it just goes down the drain. That's good. But then your foggity snips might get a bit rusty. That's something you've got to worry about. You dry them off afterwards. Yeah, I hope you're giving them a thorough dry. I don't know if I could sit on the floor of my shower.

It's a nice shower, but I just... Yeah, but you've got all that space. It's a big shower. Have you not had a hungover lie down in the shower? No, I love sitting where all the gunk is. You've got to turn it a bit hotter because the water travels through so much air that it cools down on its way to you.

You lean against the wall and just let it wash away your sins. This is why Vaughan's late to work every day. And you play that song by Natasha Bedingfield. Which one? The one about the rain. Let the rain fall. I could know it was Natasha Bedingfield,

but I couldn't think of that song. Are you sure it's Natasha Bedingfield? Let the rain fall down. Something, something. What is this song? You'll know it when you hear it. It's Hilary Duff. It's Hil you hear it. It's Hilary Duff. It's Hilary Duff.

It's Hilary Duff. It's not Natasha Bedingfield. Those two blonde Caucasian women were interchangeable in the mid 2000s. She had zero songs about precipitation. Natasha Bedingfield? Zero songs. Yeah, hers were all about books. No mentions about any kind of weather.

You are going on record as saying Natasha Bedingfield has not had a song about any form of precipitation. Zero. People die on this. Zero mention of any weather. Title or lyric? Lyric, anything. Okay, let's have a quick some moist. We've got some Natasha Bedingfield here.

Let's see. Let's check if she's ever talked about moisture. Unwritten. I told you this is about books. Yeah. Strictly book. But I thought there was some

opening lyrics of one of these songs that talks about... You're right. It's strictly book content. But I thought there was some opening lyrics of one of these songs that talks about... You're right. That's so far as purely literary. Nothing about the weather. Does she have another song or was this it? What for the sunshine? Now that's a weather related song.

Yeah, but it's not about precipitation. She may at some stage in the song mention precipitation. Why would you write a song about sunshine and talk about the rain? Oh, my God. What movie was it where they kept opening the card? Easy A. I ain't gonna take it. Was it Easy A?

It is. It is Easy A. Shirley, if you're singing about sunshine, you've got to have the contrast. She's all like, take me away to better days. Again, I'm just looking through the... Is she being take me away to better days where it's not so rainy? No, nothing. I've just looked at the lyrics.

Nothing at all about rain. What about these words? Natasha Bedingfield's song, These Words. I mean, look, we don't have all day. I'm just saying. She's not a precipitation artist. No, this is about how to write a song. Again, it's literary.

I apologise. I apologise. Thank you. I thought Natasha Bedingfield would have at least had one. Happy to be proven wrong. Absolutely happy to be proven wrong. But you weren't, were you? But you weren't, you weren't.

Next on the show. Next on the show, I want to talk about, oh, my God. What? We've found a Natasha Bedingfield lyric. Feel the rain on your skin. Yes, this is it. No. I told you it's one of her most.

It's one of her most. I thought there was Hilary Duff. Are you saying she's sung about precipitation? It was an unwritten, right? Yes, it was. Feel the rain on your skin. No one else

can feel it for you. Let the song eliminate the words that you cannot find. Here we go. Okay, yeah. Reach in for something

in the distance. So close you can almost taste it. Release your inhibition. Suck it. Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Damn it, damn it.

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, you're right. It does feel good to be right. Feels really good. Justified. Justified. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. You may have noticed if you've been listening since the very start,

I am a little congested. I've got a little bit of a summer cold. Have you done a COVID test? Yes, I've done many. Okay. Positive. I thought we were done with that. So did I.

It wouldn't be COVID. Mate, everywhere you went, and so you were out of the country For a long time But you'd be walking along And you'd just be I know I heard that Everywhere I went And you're just like

Get away from me Get away from me I went to like two weddings Three major events And I just didn't get it This is the only week I can get it by the way Got a very busy

I was timing up for today as well Yeah today's This week I've got it It's gotta be this week Okay I don't know if that's how COVID works, but okay. No, no, it's in the cowl. It's in the cowl.

It's in the cowl. Not COVID. I've just got one of those summer colds. I always get them. And this is because I was trying to take a leaf out of your book, Fletch, and I thought maybe I'd become a nude sleeper. Oh. Yeah.

Have you been trying that? Yeah. So what I've been doing because I've been so hot is I've been having a cold shower, which is what I want to talk about, and then getting into bed in the nude with a fan on me and just the sheet. Oh, my gosh. You're asking for trouble. I love that.

Yeah, and then I wake up and I'm cold and I'm chilly, and then I've got this, like, stuffiness now. I don't know if that's caused that. Because I've been cooling my temperature down too much with these cold showers and these nude sleeps. So I'm back to the flannelettes. You're sleeping in flannelettes? Yeah, back to the flannelettes. You're sleeping in flannelettes? Yeah, back to the flannelettes.

Crazy. Full flannelette. But apparently the cold shower. In summer? I'm kidding. I wouldn't dare. It's too flammable. Okay, yeah.

Too flammable. But the cold shower, it's in. But not just the cold shower. Because, you know, you watch like bloody Art Green in his ice baths and, you know, the celebrities jumping in. Yeah, the Wim Hof. And get into a cold bath and stuff and all the benefits of that. Well, you don't have to go that hard, apparently. You can get into your hot shower, and I do this all the time.

This is the new trend. The new trend. It's called contrast showering. Okay. So you get in and you put it on the temperature that's nice for your body and you get in and you like that, and you just start knocking the tap back to cold. Tap, tap, tap. Get used to that one. Tap, tap, tap. the tap back to cold. Tap, tap, tap, get used to that one.

Tap, tap, tap, get used to that one. Tap, tap, tap, get used to that one until you're cold in a way that you didn't think so. Then you whack it all the way back to hot. It's the same version. What's it called? Cryotherapy. Right, because isn't that good after the sports therapy,

like for recovery? Like you have a plunge pool. Cold then hot. And then you get in the spa. Cold then hot. And then you go plunge pool, yeah. Well, not all of us have a plunge pool. Cold then hot. And then you get in the spa. Cold then hot. And then you go plunge pool. Yeah. Well not all of us have a plunge pool in a spa. There's one at our gym. Are you allowed to use the men's one?

Yeah no ours got taken away for the car park. Did you know this? At Lesbos Orkin City, the one we go to in each of the big bathrooms in the changing rooms there used to be a cold pool and a spa pool. And then you've still got that. And ours got taken away.

I was with the men who were using the steam room and the spas a lot more. So much more. Women were just kind of going in, having a quick shower, and then getting back to work. We might chat for like five. How's the kids? How are you? I don't know what they were doing in there,

lingering for sometimes upwards of 45 minutes. A lot of bubbles in that sparkle. Lingering. Fixed steam, hard to see too much. Well, apparently amazing benefits. The same benefits that you would get from being a Wim Hofer and diving into a freezing lake for five minutes. Right, and easy to do this

time of year too. Yeah, totally. Because a cold shower is just delicious. Oh my god, delightful. But don't do what I've done, because I took it too far. I tapped too cold, released the body temperature right down. And that's what you're blaming your summer cold on. I'm a little bit sicky. Yeah, I got the dry throat from sleeping somewhere

with air con on. Yeah. Well, you could do a cold shower in a nude sleep. Nah. Too sticky. It. Too sticky. It's too sticky. I don't like it. I need to be surrounded in cloth.

Fully surrounded in cloth. Yeah. Like a mummy. Five to ten minutes total, apparently. It's all you need. Okay. They say do it at the start of the day. You'll be more energized, greater blood flow.

It could even prevent cancer. There you go. Quote, unquote. Yeah, I don't know about that. Dr. Sproul. Cold showers could even prevent cancer. There you go. Quote, unquote. Yeah, I don't know about that. Dr. Sproul. Cold showers, no more cancer. It's your cool fashionista girl, Hayley Sproul, here with a new trend alert.

I will say I do love your T-shirt today. Mars Attacks. Mars Attacks. A classic movie. Yeah. Where'd you get that from? America. Instagram.

I was Instagram influenced. Oh, right. And it's a guy who does, you know, those lino prints? Yeah. Like he carves them and paints them and he sticks them on. Oh, we did that at school. Did you do that? And then you stab yourself

in the hand. And they always said never pull the lino cutting tool towards yourself or push it towards your hand and you always do and you slipped out and you shanked yourself.

This guy, yeah, he's done a pretty cool Mars Attacks alien t-shirt and I'm wearing it. It's very cool. I'm going to watch it tonight. I'm here with a trend alert. Okay.

I am a very cool fashion gal Not cool enough for Crocs Are you rocking a Croc yet? Hell no I've got Crocs at home Great Bourne loves them The whole family's got them

Action Crocs Yeah It's a no from me But the rise in the popularity of Crocs Birkenstocks Which you're both wearing today I love a Birkenstock When will they finally wear in?

I'm getting blisters every time I wear them. Yeah, you're doing it wrong. I don't know. Mine were comfy within like a week. Yeah. Vagio, they're fakes. They're cheap fakes. Did you get them from a market?

Birkenstocks? Yeah, no, that's about wrong. Birkenstocks. Yeah, no, you've done that. Yeah, that's wrong. Ballet flats are back. Apparently the worst shoe that you used to wear at hospo when you were 18 years old and your feet would stink

and be so sore at the end of the day. And the loafer is back. Officially marking the shoelace as uncool. Really? Shoelaces are no longer. I don't eat anything with a lace. Yeah, I'm laced up today. I've just got a classic Chuck Taylor.

The worst shoe in the world. No, but minor platforms, there's slightly more support. Slightly more support on a completely unsupported shoe. Yeah, it's terrible. But it's the laces on Chuck Taylors that are the worst part. Because you can't slip out of them. They're too tight. There's no give.

Well, apparently laces are done. Anything with like, even sports shoes, they're saying you need slip-on sports shoes. No, you've got to have a shoe that you've got to get the laces tight enough. No, it's all slip-on now. They're going back to the loafer, back to the ballet flat, the sandal. Ain't nobody got time in 2023 for laces. And so laces are, what's the word?

Googee. Choogee. Choogee. Choogee. Choogee. Do you need to check it with Carl Wayne? I was a little bit scared I ended up saying something sort of unintentionally racist

What is the word? Choo-gee Choo-gee Yeah Is it choo-gee that I'm asking? And I said goo-gee or poo-gee? 100% But also well done on tiptoeing

rather than just ploughing into some racism I could have At 20 minutes to 7 I need this. I need to be here this year. So shoelaces are choogy, like the side part. Are we still saying that word though, aren't we? I'd say it's pretty choogy itself, to be honest.

Yeah, it's kind of gone full choog. Well, hang on. Shannon, welcome to the show, Shannon. Our new social media queen. Good morning. Now, Shannon, how old are you? I'm 23. Okay, so she's another youngie.

Is Chuggy Chuggy? I say Chuggy a lot, but maybe I've unveiled my own Chuggy self. I worked on another station here in our company. With Vaughan's nemesis. Tony Street. With Streetie. She is a nasty woman. She's a piece of shit.

She is a terrible woman. Did you see piece of shit. She is a terrible woman. Did you see her over summer? She smacked her children on social media. Is she beating her children on live? This is boring. Bring back, bring back. Bring back the smack. Bring back the smack.

For those that don't know, Vaughn is being sarcastic. She's the loveliest woman in radio. What was it like working for this horrid women? No, she was a lovely woman. But yeah, we spent a lot of time debunking chuginess and like what was, and I think I've fallen into the trap a little bit.

I think I immersed myself too far. Because I'm a crocs girl as well. You're a what? I'm a crocs girl. I'll go for the crocs. I did not think you said crocs. We don't need to clarify what we're all after in the bedroom. That's more of a sort of

we'll have lunch afterwards and get to know you better. No Crocs. Shannon at the social I think we're going to need a nickname. Shannon is too many. You're going to get Carween, social media queen. Yeah. But now she's just Carween producer queen. Shan-Shan? I'll go for a Shan-Shan. Shanny? Oh,? I'll go for a Shan-chan. Shanny?

Shanny? Oh, Shanny. That can go the wrong way. Shanny. Shanny. A little bit of a Shanny. Okay, well maybe we'll try out some names over the next few weeks. Shanny.

Maybe we'll put up a poll. Yes, Shanny. We'll get a few going and then we'll put up a poll for Shannon. Anyway, shoelaces are out. No more shoelaces. It's all about the slip-on. Play. CDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Hello. Protein of the future. Not everybody likes red meat. Some countries have abhorrent ways of growing that protein. Bit different here.

Bit different here. Bit different here. If you know your source, you know. Yeah. We pet all of our cows, don't we? We pet them. Yeah, give them names and stuff. And then. A bay.

A bay, bitch. Slice, slice, slice, slice, slice. Yum, yum, yum. Yum, yum, yum. Well, we don't think about that part. Do we? Yeah, don't think about that part. But, you know, going forth,

and this has been the talk of the town for a little while, beetles, bugs, insects could be a viable protein source. Because they're easy and fast to grow, right? Yep, and a much smaller carbon footprint. But they were going to make them into a flower, eh? So you can make your mealworms are kind of the ones that people talk about because, yeah, if you dry them out and... Blitz them up?

Mill them up. Yeah. Using a windmill or a wheel powered by a passing bubbling brook, you can use the millstones to crush it into flour. How's that going to go with my favourite Annabelle Langbine banana cake recipe? It would be a sufficient replacement. You may have to up the baking soda to get that rise. You might have to, yeah.

You might have to. And a couple of tablespoons of almond meal. Why don't I like to go off piste on my recipe? Well, I follow the recipe to the... Release the shackles, babe. You've got to be free in the kitchen. Annabelle Langbine didn't print this recipe book for me to just go off piste. Annabelle Langbein sometimes is a little light on the chocolate chips. Do you believe so?

Anytime I'm making a chocolate chip-based recipe, I'll always just pour it in. If it's like a three-quarters of a cup, I'll just pour it in. It'll overflow. I'll be like, whoops. Roopsy-doopsy, yeah. Don't know if that's what she wanted. That's not what she wanted,

but sometimes she doesn't know what's good for her. That's right. That's right. Okay. So they're saying mealworms are going to be one of the ones because of how versatile they are. Okay. Oh, what, nuggets?

Well, you can dry them out or you can use them moist. Ew. Ew. Add a bit of sugar and they're apparently, Oh, what, nuggets? Well, you can dry them out or you can use them moist. Ew! Add a bit of sugar and they apparently taste like real meat and could become alternatives to things like sausages or chicken nuggets. Yeah, but then you've got to add sugar. Yeah, but not too much. Okay. A sprinkle.

But I know in these mealworms, my chickens go crazy for them. I bet they do. I love them. And your chickens are jacked. Yeah. Ripped, ripped, ripped. Ripped chickens. I strap knives to their feet and they fight other chickens.

Yeah. As yet undefeated. That's not true. I don't do that. It's cockfighting I find abhorrent. Did you see that guy got killed in a cockfight? And, well, that's life, isn't it? Yeah.

You strap blades to a chicken's feet and it turns on you, then you're in trouble. That's your fault. But I've got the top six insect-based takeaways. Okay. Going forward. Number six on the list, fish and crickets. Yeah, that's good.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're getting two proteins there. Fish, silverfish and crickets. Yeah, but shouldn't it be crickets and chips? Silverfish. Silverfish and crickets. Yeah, but shouldn't it be crickets and chips? Silverfish. You're going to need a lot of silverfish to mullet up deep fry and make

into a fish. Number five on the list, you need to block your ears. The top six insect-based takeaways from show sponsor McDonald's. The big moth. It's where the patties are just mooted up moths. All right, you can open your ears now.

It's going to be a dusty burger. Thank you. I know what you're talking about. Number four on the list of the top six insect-based takeaways are Kentucky Frog Cockroach. Oh, yeah. Okay.

I could go there. It's all about the... How many seasonings? How many flavours? 11 herbs and spices. 11 herbs and spices. 11 herbs and spices. 11 herbs and spices. 11 herbs and spices.

Number three on the list of the top six insect-based takeaways for the future, the wetter whopper with cheese. The wetter whopper. Yeah, beautiful. The wetter whopper. Yeah, it's a little, and then you might be a bit like, because the legs would be a little bit. Oh, yeah. Like when you get a shrimp and they've got one of those hairs on it,

you're just like, whatever they are. And shells. One of those like floppy bit. Oh, yeah. Like when you get a shrimp and they've got one of those hairs on it. You're just like, whatever they are. And chins. One of those floppy things. Pull those off. Yeah, but sometimes I don't. You don't eat the head? I don't eat the head, but sometimes one of those floppy things is still there. Oh, it's stuck on.

Do you pull out the poop chute? Absolutely. You've got to get the poop chute out. Wow. Do you not pull out the poop chute? How long ago did they take a dump, you know? Is it a clean? Let's get in there.

Who's got time? Who's got the time? Number two on the list of the top six insect-based takeaways. Cabants. Oh, how do you get the skewer through the ant? No, no, no. You're thinking of a shish kebab. Oh, right.

Okay. I'm thinking of a... Moolied up. Cabab ant. So you would get like a bajillion ants, mooly them up into a meat log, and then get the shave around. And heat them and then shave them off.

When you're drunk and you're watching the man shave a processed block of meat, you're just like, what is happening here? But it's always so delicious. It's yum. It's so yum. I think the tabbouleh, again, the herbs and spices do a lot of the heavy lifting. It's all about the hummus.

And the sauce. Yes. And number one on the list of the top six insect-based takeaways. This one's going to be spicy. Wasp tacos. Oh, no. Leave a tingle in the lips. Yeah, really.

Not for everybody. Not for everybody. That is today's Sub 6. Hashtag free the nipple has been in the zeitgeist for a long time, hasn't it? About the double standard that men, men I guess, are allowed to show their nipples on social media. I showed one nipple. I missed it. In what photo?

Is it on the story? I think it's gone. Bugger. It only took up one pixel. It was one pixel. It was so tiny. And you had to zoom in. You had to pinch and zoom.

You would have had to pinch and zoom. Oh, damn. But you know what? It didn't get taken down. No. It didn't get reported. It wasn't AI detected. Yes.

It wasn't. It was barely detectable to the eye. Yeah. But everyone's been, for years we've been like, what is it about the female nipple that is so different and offensive? My favourite nipple. Is it? Top one. Top favourite.

Top one of two. Top one. Wow. Yeah, top nipple for me. Top nipple. Top nipple for me, the female nipple. Should we do that Friday rankings, nipples? What do you mean?

I don't know. We could do the female nipple, the male nipple, or the other nipple. Yeah, okay. And then we could just rank them. Okay. Right. Tell me whose nipple I don't have much time for. Dog's nipples.

Oh, yeah. Especially a female dog who's had a full litter. Yeah, like multiple. You see those? Right Teddy whose nipple I don't have much time for Dogs nipples Oh yeah Especially a female dog Who's had a full litter Yeah like multiple You see those old It's kind of hanging off Like You see those old bitches

With the hangy titties Dogs You're talking dogs Oh yes that's your technical term Dragging on the ground Yeah I think I feel sorry for them Mostly

Yeah same Well they don't get banned On Instagram They don't get banned But yet my nipple would still be banned. And then this came into contention the other day because there was an Instagram page run by a trans and non-binary couple. And they had a photo of them and they were raising money for something.

And then it got picked up by the AI and banned and removed and then everyone said well hang on how's that you know you need to clarify your policy and so then they came back and were like okay let's clarify the policy and then people were like well does that mean that your policy is that male nipples or people who have had gender reassignment surgery nipples are now allowed on but still not the female at birth nipple, what's that about? Or if you were a male to female transgender person and you had breast implants,

are you allowed to put your nipple on? And then they went like, oh yeah, the policy doesn't really make a lot of sense. There's no, there's no clarity behind it. Because could you then change your pronouns on your profile and then put your nipples

on? So if I, let's say, I mean, I'm obviously not going to abuse the use of pronouns. She, her, me. Yeah. Assigned female at birth. I'm a cisgendered person. But if I wanted to have my nips out on the social media, would I just have to change my pronoun to they, them in the thing and then my nips would be allowed?

So they're just picking holes in Meta's community standards policy because they're saying like it's just, it's going to create more barriers for conversations around gender and all of that by not having, by excluding just a particular nipple. So they are, the word is, so they're reviewing this and going, yes, we acknowledge that our policy doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

So the word is that the new policy will be like all nips. Hashtag free the nip. The nip has been freed. So you'll finally be allowed to have all nips. All the nipples. What if it wasn't based on gender? It was just if you had a hot nip. So it's like if you had a hot nipple.

There's a nipple board at Meta and they're just constantly pumping through the nips and they're like, fine, fine. Too sexy. No, no, there's no such thing as too sexy. No, but so you're saying that they would only allow hot nips? Yeah, but what about my tiny nips? I'll never be allowed on. Some people are into that.

Sorry, pan. Who's deciding what makes a hot nipple? The nipple committee. The nipple committee. But what about your giant dinner plate areoles? I don't have giant dinner plate areoles. They are pink. Absolute CD-ROMs. Yeah, are pink. Absolute CD-ROMs.

Yeah, they're very pink. CD-ROMs. Absolute CD-ROMs. Not hot. Not hot. Disallowed. Right. So your nips will be banned.

You ban nips. Mine are somewhat, I've been exercising quite a bit. Some are chafed. Right. Chafed. Banned. Not hot. But then if they do allow all nips, they're going to be,

what will they then allow? Because you wouldn't be allowed a sexual nip, right? And a sexual... But how do you say it? Because they're like... How do you... It's so unclear how the rules apply to intersex, non-binary, transgender people.

So you have to allow all nips. But then you're like, is a nip like, hey, I'm at the beach and having a fun time and not wearing my top. Yeah, this is what I'm asking. Hey, I'm with my baby and I'm feeding it with my nipple hey i'm tweaking them and looking

at you like yeah like how are we what's the yeah exactly then then instead of the ai picking up just the the female nipple is the ai gonna pick up a horny face. Do you know what I mean? Or a sexy. The AI scans and it's nipple tick, but then it's like underneath the nipple. Okay, I see a nipple. Do I see a biting a lip? Oh, like a. Yeah. Yeah.

Do I see like hands on the, around the. But then that's fine because it might be a That might be a breast exam how-to You know? Exactly Yeah, okay I think they're going to have to free all the nipples We're not getting The Jennys are still well off

For your classic Instagram and Facebook I'm a long way off from having Jennys on Instagram It's Twitter, are you allowed? Oh lord Are you? It's the Wild West It's the Wild West For Jennys

Yeah I'm following the wrong pages Alright, well, yeah I mean, fingers crossed Oh, Lord. Are you? It's a wild west. It's full genies. Yeah. I'm following the wrong pages. All right. Well, yeah, I mean, fingers crossed. Free the nip. Free the nip. And stay tuned for the ZDM FVH page, and we will debut my nipples.

We'll all stand there for a nipple perk against the ZDM wall, and they will all be free. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. Not for both nips. Should we do a single nip each? Maybe a single each. Should we do a grid and we'll say, name the nip? Pick the nip.

And you have to dictate which nip is Fletch, which one is Vaughan, and which one is Hayley's. I'm going to have to pinch zoom for mine. That's a clue. That's a free clue for you there. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

So last week, news popped up that Carole Baskin of Tiger King fame, that her husband was alive. This was one part of the insane entire story of Tiger King. It was a while ago, but he disappeared. 1997, he disappeared. Some weeks after, he wrote another note to law enforcement saying she threatened to kill him. She's got a Colt.45 gun.

She's hidden his.357 Magnum. These are gun-toting folk. And there was a flight. A plane. He flew planes and would regularly fly down to Costa Rica. Loved a little Costa Rica. Beautiful place. Because this was Joe Exotic's whole thing, right?

Was like, she killed her husband. Like, look under here. Like, she fed him to the tigers. That was his whole thing. Were they under the septic tank? Under the septic tank. That she had put in? Because the new septic tank got put in just after he disappeared.

Yes. And so that was always like, dig up the septic tank. She denied everything. Yes, and then when that news broke last week, right, he tweeted from prison, God knows how, that he said, this isn't true. Like, go and look under the septic tank. Again, I'm sticking with the septic tank.

Right. But yeah, it popped up again last week. She said, in 2002, he was declared dead, but Homeland Security told us that he was living in Costa Rica. And so he's still there. And I've recently been told that someone spotted him. And so that set off the news cycle again, to which his family are like, this has happened before.

Generally, she does this if she's about to release something, a book or a series or a podcast. And no, and the local sheriff who did all the investigating said, no, it's still very much an open case as to what happened to him while he's been declared legally dead. Right. It's very much unknown. Because all the news headlines were like,

Carol Baskin's husband found, not dead. Yeah, but he hadn't been found. It was word of mouth. Oh, I got so excited. Same, because we were like, oh my gosh, Jacinda's leaving. Oh my God, Carol Baskin's husband's alive. Yeah, he's around. But no, it turned out to be from her.

From her resurfaced. She re-shared an interview that had it in it that he was alive and well in Costa Rica. And then his children came out and said, no, no, he gone. Very hurtful. Other side of the coin, if you did kill him

and you put him under your septic tank, why would you want to re- kind of, you know? Yeah, let it settle. Let it settle, right? Why would you want that to be constantly resurfacing? Yeah.

Or is that what you'd want people to think? Reverse psychology. It would be great just to dig up the septic tank. Just for shits and gags. Well, every now and then septic tanks do need replacing.

Right, okay. You know? So how many years is that? 1997? Well, she could be looking at a new septic system. If she's been, you know, not treating it right. Yeah. If she's been using So how many years is that? 1997. Well, she could be looking at a new septic system. If she's been, you know, not treating it right.

Yeah. If she's been using harsh chemical cleaners that kill off the naturally forming bacteria, she might be due a new septic tank. Then the truth will be told. He'd be 85 years old too. If he was still alive. I just did the quick math. Yeah, right.

What do you do in Costa Rica as an 85-year-old? Just live at the beach. Yeah, just chill. You'd be a bloody leathery handbag at this point, wouldn't you? You'd be leathery. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, Frank Green. Who you've recently learned.

Isn't Paul Frank. I thought it was the monkey pyjamas. I have this image that because every female I know has a Frank Green drink bottle, including you, Carl Ween has one. Does Shan Shan knew...

Shannie. Oh, Shannie. Shannell Pyjamas? At the social media, do you have a Frank Green? Shannellette Pyjamas? I think I'm a bit too chuggy for it. Oh my God, what is that?

I've got a cup. Where's that from? It's Kmart. It's Kmart. Did you go to the movies and see a movie that was having a special release cup and then kept it? How embarrassing. I've come not well prepared for my first day.

Shani, is that Kmart, is it? It's a typo, but I feel like that's what it is. Oh! Sorry! Chuggy. Chuggy. Chuggy. Chuggy. Chuggy. Well, Shani at the social media desk with a typo cup.

Well, everybody has a Frank Green drink bottle. And I just Googled Frank Green because I imagined it would be this, you know, like young Gen Z girl. Tats. Who, you know, did a big purchase on AliExpress, branded them, had influences. Drop shipped them, didn't even have to touch them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had influences. Drop shipped them. Didn't even have to touch them.

But it's a guy called Benjamin Young. Where does the name Frank Green come from? I don't know. It has $20 million business. He's Aussie. Frankgreen.com. I'm seeing drink bottle, drink bottle. Porcelain bowls with glass lids.

Oh, get it. And stainless bowls with glass lids. Oh, get it, Greg. And stainless bowls with glass lids. Yeah. Calm down, Frank. You can't put a stainless steel bowl in the microwave. Why the hell would you want to put your lunch in there? Did you see the video doing the rounds over summer of people microwaving highlighters? No.

What happens? What happens? What happens? They explode and blow out like the actual felt tip part. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, that. That felty material like. I wanted to do it so bad, but I don't want to ruin my micro, but what you're doing here at work.

But you were saying that you were staying at hotels overseas. You should have just. Anything from the minibar? Nope. Anything you want to tell us about, Mr. Fletcher? Nope. Nope. Nope. Bye just... Oh my God. Anything from the minibar? Nope. Anything you want to tell us about Mr. Fletcher? Nope. Nope.

Nope. Bye. See you. Bye. And they go in and the microwave's just full of exploded flurries.

I just got a new microwave and you can microwave metal in it. What? And I cannot bring myself to do it. What kind of witch magic is this?

I don't know. You didn't just get an oven, did you? No, it's like it's got a big pull-down thing with these six burners on top. Yeah, slightly slower than the old microwave. It's really slow. It's hot, though.

Oh, hon, that's just an oven. Oh, hon, you've bought an oven. No. Yep. No, I don't. I got a microwave. Do they call it a pyrolytic? Is that what it's called?

I don't know. I've heard that word. I've heard that word being screamed at me by a Harvey Norman ad. Oh, yeah. You could put metal in it. That's wild. That's really cool. I'm too scared to do it.

But it doesn't melt it or spark or anything. Okay. Welcome to the Suite Life. Maybe you can put highlighters in yours. I'm not going to do that. Put highlighters in them. Am I? Just do one highlighter.

See how it goes. Put it in a glass. Put a glass cup over it. But what if a glass explodes? Now I've got shattered glass and a burnt highlighter and I'm putting metal in this thing.

Fair call. Frank Green does pet accessories too. Well, I'm looking at this one. They've done a collab with Disney. Cool saying.

You're doing it right when you do a collab with Disney. But the reusable drink bottles have caused a problem because some of the ones you can get, some of the Frank Green drink bottles have got a big fat ass on them. Yeah, they do.

Thickies. Yeah, I think there's a litre one. That's where it gets too thick for the conventional cup holder. There's a two litre Frank Green. You don't need that much water. The one litre, yeah. There's a smaller one, 700. And this is why plumbers aren't happy.

Yes. Because somebody went online and said, hey, your Frank Green won't fit in a conventional drink holder in a car. But if you go to a hardware store, personally, I would go to Mitre 10 Mega. I would also choose Mitre 10 Mega. Yeah, you're on the big Mitre 10 buck though, aren't you? I'm the orange buck.

Yeah. I'll go to Bunnings because Mitre 10 aren't paying me. Oh, my God. That's out of spite. Now you're making a move out of spite. No, it's just closer to me, that's all. I went to Bunnings the other day and I was looking for sandpaper and I came in and I said, excuse me, where's the sandpaper?

And he went, um, and he had to look it up. Get a grip. Oh. Do your research. I've always been impressed with when you go in and they're just like, L42, down the back. I reckon I could work at Mitre 10 or Bunnings for 10 years and someone would come in and be like, where's the sandpaper?

I'd be like, don't know. I don't know. Go look for it. Good luck to you. I personally would look near the other abrasives and then just point to the other end of the store so it wasn't my problem anymore. But you went in and you bought an adapter, a downspout adapter.

Oh, yes. So you were going from a thick pipe to a thinner pipe. Now, the thinner pipe would fit into the cup holder, and the thicker pipe, you'd probably take in your Frank Green drink bottle to see it fit. Yeah. Would fit in the other end. Now, every Tom, Dick, and Harriet's been doing this

because of how popular these drink bottles are with the ladies. Well, every Tom, Dick, and Carl Wayne. Yeah. Carl Wayne's done it. Carween's done it. Carween's done it. You've sent a photo of your Frank Green drink bottle inside the PVC pipe adapter. Yes.

And that is, is this in the aqua? It is in the aqua. Why is your car so clean? Thank you. Oh my God, if I took a photo of my handbrake

and my little gear stick, you'd vomit. It's so gross. You've got a lot of sesame seeds in your holes. So many seeds. So many seeds. So many sesame seeds. Yeah.

And little chuddy papers. Yeah. You've got a little strip of extra chuddy paper and you just chuck the chuddy paper down there. A couple of nonny's fries. You guys haven't had kids yet, but there's this, where you'll be cleaning the car

and you take, yeah, whatever. Fletcher's actually got some news after eight. He's expecting. You guys haven't had kids yet But there's this Will you be cleaning the car And you take Don't curse me Don't curse me Fletcher's actually got Some news after eight He's expecting Excuse me It's just a couple of kgs

I didn't mean you Were going to have the baby Your lovely wife That you met In Central America Really It's a little bit Of a modern family situation

He's the old guy Katarina is so lovely though. Oh my God. She's so nice. Doesn't speak a lick of English, but that doesn't matter. He's happy and that's what counts. Now, when you take out your kids' car seats, underneath them is just like a tornado has hit Arkansas.

There's just bits of everything. How did that even get there? When did we last eat there? Yeah. There is a dead cat in here. That sort of thing. But Carl Wynn's car, very, very clean. It is.

But that's what's causing a problem because people are going in for these PVC joining pipes. And plumbers can't actually get them. Yeah. Because they're being used for non-plumbing purposes. Jeepers. But you can actually buy those kind of pretty Repco or super cheap, right? You could buy those kind of adapters.

Yeah, but so much more expensive. Right. Then like this is literally just like a $3 PVC join. How much was yours, Karleen? Now look, some people have been getting them for like $11, some are $20, but pop down to your local trade depot. $3, that's where I got mine. Trade depot.

$3. Yeah, they did look at me funny. Dakota and Zab. But you could have got the fake, might have turned, they've got options like a fake brass, a fake copper look. No, no, I'm going to bedazzle mine.

Oh my God. Yeah, get some rhinestones on there. Wow, you're trash. I can't keep up with these kids. They're trash energy. I can't keep up with these kids. Big trash energy. I can't keep up. Last show of the year last year, we all had a lunch.

We did, except Vaughan. Vaughan didn't come. Vaughan wanted to, he was like a mum. Well, I've got to get on the road early. I've got to get on the road early, and he didn't. Didn't you? Didn't you leave late? No, I got on the road early. Made that up in my head.

Maybe I was angry at you. You won't even leave early. You'll leave at like three. Anyway, we went out to lunch. Are you altering your memories again? To suit your narrative? Is that what you're doing? Yes.

Am I weaponising my memories? I think I just weaponised them. Anyway, we went out to lunch. Technically it's not a lie. Because you've convinced yourself it's the truth. Yeah, it's not a lie because to me it's my reality. That's how I remember it. Vaughan left us. Vaughan left.

But me, Fletch, Carween and Jared went out to our favourite Asian Fusium place and we didn't want to be embarrassed there. Did they do things a little differently? A little bit differently. So now Vaughan, get this. You don't want to be embarrassed. Did they do things a little differently? You don't order an individual meal.

You order small plates to share. And does it come out as it's ready? What an interesting concept. I stopped someone over the summer. We were at a restaurant and they were like, have you been here before? And I was like, no, but if you're about to tell us you do things differently, I get it. I was like, yeah, if you're about to tell things you do

us differently, I bet I can guess how you do it. And they laughed. And they were like, it still blows old people's minds that the food won't come out in the order it was ordered. When we're old, they'll say, we do things a little differently here. You pick one larger meal and you

have it to yourself. Wait, what? What if I want a little bit of this? I want a little bit of this. No, no, no, it's not to share. We do things a little differently here. What do you do? We launch the food from the kitchen on a catapult system.

And you just hold your plate. Well, anyway, our food arrived after our delicious cocktails and Producer Jared sort of embarrassingly had a bit of a fumble with the chopsticks before realising the baby wanted a fork. Now Producer Jared, have you

ever taken the time to master the art of a chopstick? It comes in waves, like depending how big the thing I'm trying to grab is I can do it, But if it's small... Are we still talking about chopsticks? You mean if you can poke a cube of chicken with it? Yeah.

If I can suddenly skewer a piece of chicken with one chopstick, that's good. But, no, I've never really been able to master it. I have put effort into it, but it's just... Hayley and I did take the time to the entire restaurant stand up and ask for a fork for our friend. Excuse me, staff, we're gonna need a fork for our friend Jared here who needs a fork. And everyone

locked and had a little looky-poo, didn't they? Ruff at the white immigrant. Oh, he's turned that around? Shit, that's bad for him. He's weaponised his white immigration The person who can visually Seamlessly move into a society Oh no

Oh no Jesus Christ It's so hard for me I look like the dominant race here I'm not from Wainui And I don't even have an accent. Oh, my God. Can I get a bloody fork?

Now, that could be the white immigrant or just someone from Christchurch. When you have to go to an Asian restaurant, Jared, though, and you have to ask for a fork, do you feel embarrassed other than when your friends yell out, our white friend needs a fork in a big way but normally like if we go to a thai place normally there's like the little box with all the cutlery and the chopsticks on it yeah they're a fork they're a fork and spoon culture yeah yes sometimes you do need a knife though what about you for an asian food chicken it's all it's allstick based. It's all pre-cut. I have a thing where I choke

on food quite easily. So now we're trying to kill him. By denying him a fork we're trying to kill the guy. I need it to be bite sized. For the listeners that don't know, how old are you? I'm 29. 29. We want to ask the question this morning

what should you know how to do? By now. By now. At your age. But you don't. It's like a friend of mine just realised the clicky thing on the petrol, right? Oh, yes. You click it and you can walk away and do your business, do other things, scrub your windows, clear out your trash.

Yeah. Her whole life she's just squeezed petrol into this hole and held it there. God knows how long from empty to full. But she would also get a little bit of a squirt. When it's full because the auto thing tops itself off, but if you're holding it in it, you'd be more likely to get a little. You've got to listen. You've got to listen to the thing.

Holy hell. Whoa, I was dribbling all. It's everywhere. Well, we want to take your calls now. 0800 Dials at Emerson number. Text in 9696. What should you probably know how to do by now? Yeah, maybe you were a certain age when you realised something.

I should probably learn how to drive a car. My parents don't know how to stack a dishwasher. They've never had one. No, but they can put them in. They just don't do it the way you like it. I am a very particular man. But they're like, okay, what goes up top? Like, no concept of what goes up top. Because they can put them in. They just don't do it the way you like it. I am a very particular man. But they're like, okay, what goes up top? Like, no concept of what goes up top.

They've never had one. They've never stacked one. What goes up top? They put cups in the cutlery thing. Well, they just... Bowls at the top. And then do I put the big bowls up here? Oh, my gosh.

Do I lay the plates flat so that the jets hit them straight on? They should know how to do this by now. They should. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. We would like to know from you what you should probably know how to do by now after we very publicly shamed our producer Jared

for asking for a fork in an Asian restaurant. I don't know how to cook pasta right. You don't really have any interest in it. You can't get the L to do it. I'm not a pasta guy. Yeah, well, I don't know what that means.

Yeah. Because I'll bite it and I'll be like, yeah, that's all right. And then I'm done and I'll drain it. And Sade's like, this isn't cooked enough. Yeah. I'm like, how do you want it? I reckon there's lots of things I don't know how to do by now that I should. But I only realise them in the moment.

Yeah. I have to get someone to do them for me. Some text messages. I'm 20. I should probably know how to book my own doctor's appointment. You ring them. You just ring them And then They'll give you a time

And then if that time Suits you You say yes And then you agree To that time That's sort of a contract And then you turn up At that time

Well I'd turn up Half an hour late Because they won't be ready For you And then basically What you're going to be doing Is sitting in a room Full of all these

Other sick people Getting their sick As well as whatever sick you're there to deal with. Jess, all that's new. It's gone red. What? Have they done a software update? Oh, my gosh. Jess, you're red.

You're in the red. Jess, you're in the red. Jess, your name's come up red. It's blinking red. Hello, good morning. Oh, no. Hello, good morning. Now, Jess, what should you know to do?

Wait, should we check, Jess? Is this an emergency phone call? No. Oh, okay. Just making sure. Just red. And the recess screen's quite grey compared to normal. Wait, should we check, Jess, is this an emergency phone call? No. Oh, okay, just making sure. Just read. And the recess screen's quite grey compared to normal. Yeah, we're going to get that fixed. Might have a graphics card.

There's a contrast issue, definitely. Might have a graphics card issue here in the studio. Jess, what don't you know how to do? Well, it's actually my husband. He doesn't know how to read an analogue clock. Oh, dear. Yeah. And so, yeah, he'll read the, he'll count the little lines to figure out what the time is on the clock. Oh dear. Yeah. And so he'll read the, he'll count the little

lines to figure out what the time is on the clock. Count the little lines. It's very hard to find an analogue clock these days though, isn't it? Yes, well he just brought himself a new watch and so he'll test himself. He'll look at the clock on his wrist and then he'll check it with a digital.

Oh, he's learning. Oh, he's teaching. See, that's nice. But because I've had a digital watch for so long now, it does take me a second because Aaron wears a classic watch. He's a classic gentleman. But I look at his watch and I'm like, I do have to stare at it for five minutes.

Jess thinks you're cool. Molly, what should you know how to do by now at your age? Hi, guys. I should probably be able to tell my left and right. Oh, okay. I don't understand. I've never suffered from this problem myself.

Because I can just feel it at all times. Yeah, well, I still wish that I could do that, but I just can't. Like, I just... Do you do the L thing? Yeah, oh, yeah, 100%.

And even then, it's quite, especially in stressful situations, like I can never give people directions ever because it will be wrong every time. If you were driving and I was in the passenger seat and I was like, oh, turn right up there, how long would you need to turn right?

I'd need you to point. Wow! She doesn't need the added stress of trying to work it out whilst driving. Visual learner, I reckon. I can't do that added stress of trying to work it out whilst driving. Visual learner, I reckon. I can't do that. You should get some tattoos. Yeah, I should.

Like on your hand. Because they say tattoos on your hand are bad in job interviews. Imagine if the tattoos on your hand said left and right. You'd be like, I'm sorry. We're going with somebody else. I think you're more likely to get a job if they said mob. I'd rather give someone a get with gang tits. If they said black power.

Thanks, Nicole. Ross, what should you know how to do by now? Well, it's not me, it's a mate, but we got a frantic call one night saying, my car has broken down, the battery's dead. I've never used jumper tables before. Can you guys tell me how to use them and there was a couple of us there

and we talked him through it we said you put the red on the red the black on the black and he went silent for a bit and then went what do I do with the other two cables and we went you do have another car there

and he was standing in a ditch with some jumper cables and a dead car and nothing to charge it have another car there. And he was standing in a ditch with some jumper cables and a dead car and nothing to charge it with. Oh, another car! Oh, my God. How old did you say? He was about 38, we reckon. Wow.

And he'd never seen anybody else doing that? You simply have to have two cars there. That's the main part. Amazing, Ross. Thank you. A couple of texts to finish up. If the battery was flat, you'd get... To the nips.

To the nips. Just for a little shock. Just for a tingle. Wake yourself up. Yeah, you're like, oh, I've got to wait for AA anyway. Might as well have a bit of a tingle while I wait. Oh, for God's sake. Jeremy's message in his 21, he's never learnt to tie his shoes.

Well, as you mentioned earlier earlier shoelace is not don't worry about it not on trend at the moment get your slip on some Crocs I'm 39 I don't know how to cook a roast here's the thing about a roast you put the oven on a temperature

I'd recommend 180 yeah you get the meat and you just pop it in the oven and then just kind of keep an eye on it and it'll be ready yeah

make sure the juices run clear yeah et voila roast a lot of juices come off maybe lay the gravy over the top of it on it. And it'll be ready. Make sure the juices run clear. Evoila, roast. A lot of juices coming off, maybe lay a little over the top of it. Make it a gravy, baby. Cook eggs, I don't eat them.

So I don't know how to cook them. Fair enough. What are you, a vegan? Probably. Sorry, that didn't mean to come out so aggressive. Or wildly allergic to eggs. Yeah, could be, could be. I'm 37 years old, can't figure out how to put the air in my tyres

at the petrol station. I can't do that either. You just push it on and hold it on. I get too anxious when I pull off the thing. It'll only for a second because it's got the push,

the valve. No, I feel like it's going to put my whole tyres down. I can't. Who does it? Erin. Oh, I just don't do them

Oh okay She's running on Just straight rims So you really hear me Arrive at work Every morning Play ZM's

Fletch Vaughn And Hayley The Surfdale Sausager Sorry? The The Waiheke Island White Bread Sausager

This is the The mystery On Waiheke Island white bread sausage. This is the mystery on Waiheke Island, just off of Auckland. Yeah. That in letterboxes, at random, since 2002. Since 2002? 20-year mystery. This is when the first sausage on white bread with sauce and butter. I'm imagining margarine

Yeah Especially with prices of dairy Oh my god, yeah, you wouldn't do this for a prank No, god no I've been put in letterboxes at random Okay Like how many in a day? No, not like multiple

It's a real It's described in this article I was reading as a scattergun approach Okay So sometimes this neighbourhood will get And this is the thing, it was happening to individuals who were just like, that's weird, chucking them away. Yeah.

Then a discussion started. Somebody maybe on the local Facebook page was like, why have I got a sausage in my letterbox? And people were like, it's happening to us. Oh my God, I had that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had that too. So then it has been talked about.

And it turns out this has been happening for quite some time. I didn't realize, I thought this was a new thing. No. it has been talked about. And it turns out this has been happening for quite some time. I didn't realize. I thought this was a new thing. No. 2002 was when the first report of it, this individual who came forward said that that was the first time. Of course, fingers immediately pointed at Waiheke Island sausage connoisseur, the mad butcher, Peter Leach.

Does he live there, does he? He does. Oh, right. He punched me in the guts when I saw him on Waiheke Island. That's right. He's a great man. He's a great man. He's an old boy, but Jesus, it really, really hurt.

Yeah. I don't think I've been punched at all. No, it doesn't take much to bring Smithy down. It rocked me. It rocked me. But he said absolutely not. He wouldn't waste a sausage. He wouldn't waste a sausage, that's it.

And also, this was news to him as well. Yes. When the media approached him, he said, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, but the Sausager would say that. Would said that. And also, this was news to him as well. Yes. When the media approached him, he said, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, but the Sausager would say that. Would say that.

Is there anything linking, I've watched enough true crime, is there anything linking the victims? Is there any kind of pattern? I don't know. Strings on a ball. Is there any kind of pattern?

Maybe it's something that they don't want to talk about, but they're all somehow linked in some sort of, I know what you did last summer. For example, are they all vegans or vegetarians? No. Okay.

I don't believe so. Yeah, true, true. There is a clinical psychologist, Dr. Dougal Sutherland was consulted. He said only a male would put a sausage in a letterbox. Now, that's... That is rough. I reject that, actually. That's gender profiling.

I don't know if I'm on board with it. But it's like they say they can pin a murder on a female if it's like poison or something. Yeah, right. Because that's females and more. I have just as much right to be a sausages. Yeah, you do. I reject that, actually.

You do, yeah. So the photo of them, they look like a pre-cooked. Well, exactly. You wouldn't waste the proper butcher's sauce, would you? Yeah. Chucking that in a letterbox. Oh, yeah. Imagine like a gourmet sort of lamb and mint.

Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. Have you seen my letterbox? It's quite a skinny little slot. Yeah, a apartment one. I don't think. These are all. No, why heck you spar more of a rural.

You'd have to thumb it in. No, thumb it in. Squish it right down and slip it in like this. It'd be a graze the sausage, thumbing it in. Yeah, it'd be absolute. It'd be a mess in the letterbox. Yeah, and the bread would come off. But all of these are bread.

So they're like perfectly sitting there. Enveloped in the bread. So this mystery that's now hit the media again, there's no answer. We don't know. Surely with like property cameras now. Yeah, that's a good call. They've got to unmask who this is.

But what, since 2000, when did you say? 2002 was when this guy Jacob said the first time it ever happened. God, the New Zealand banks is a bit shit, eh? Yeah. That's the thing. And then we will get footage and they'll have a mask on or something. Wow. Well, the sausage saga continues.

It's up there with the Canterbury Panther. Yes. Although at least there's some blurry photos of that thing. Yeah. But then it could just be a black lab at a funny angle, couldn't it? That was the argument last time, or just a large cat. Well, we'll be sure to keep you updated on this mystery. Does this mean we're having a trip to Waiheke? Are we going to Waiheke, are we?

Perfect sense. If we're going to do this six-part podcast investigation, we'd be the sausage mystery. A lot of trips. Best talk to some folks. Okay. Because that can all be written off as company expenses, can't it? You bet it can.

We should get a residence pass for the ferry. Transport. Cut the line. Because we're making a podcast. Yeah, absolutely. We're going to be there so much. Some boutique accommodation for the weekend. Yes. Of course, we want an entertainment budget. Oh, yeah. We're going to be there so much Some boutique accommodation For the weekend Yes Of course we want

An entertainment budget Oh yeah We'll have to pop up To the winery Oh yeah I like this idea We'll have to go to Casita Mera for those olives

You know I love those olives I'm not going to the Arno without the olives baby As madness What are you talking about That's the main reason I go It'd be silly Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley Play ZM I marched for 14 hours this weekend

Huge weekend of marching in the sunshine It was so hot My foot looks like a blistered peach Such a bizarre sport isn't it It truly is There's definitely moments where I'm there being like What is this? What are we all up to?

March, march And then you march March, march March, march Like there's no point So you all up to? March, March, and then you march. March, March, March, March. Like there's no point. So you get there at nine. March, March, March. You get there at nine and you march, march, march. March, march, march. And you need some water and reapply the sun long. And then who wins at the end of it?

Well, hopefully us. Right. That's the whole point. Because you march, march, march more than the others march, march, march. We march, march, march. Properly. Well, there's lots of good teams out there, but everyone's trying to be the best, right? And Nationals, seven weeks away. Oh, yeah, they're always in March, aren't they?

The Nationals are in March. And Vaughan and I, correct me if I'm wrong, we're not allowed to go. You've banned us from going. No, because I know that you'll take the mickey. And marching is a sport of respect. Yeah, I mean, look at all the great... And pride. She's sport of respect. And honour and pride. She's right though. You look at all the fantastic marchers

throughout history. The Nazis. No, different kind of marching. Also, I can't have you pests there with the short skirts and the boots and the tights. Well, I was looking at all you old girls. Old girls? Don't tell me What are you there for the under 16s?

I'm sorry. A sexy 20 something has been like, you know what, I'd love to do with my weekends. Yeah. Yeah, there's some hot marching women. Marching girls we go by. Anyway. Right. You can get a few. I mean, it's not a danger. You're not going to get injured like you would a netball roll your ankle

or whatever or, you know, tackle to the ground. Unless it's a pothole. I've fallen in a pothole. I've slipped on marble before. But the worst injury you could get is maybe knocking someone's shoulder. Oh, okay. Yeah, a bit of that. And you get, you know, sore feet and blisters and whatnot.

And a bit of sunburn and some chafe. Yeah. Oh, it's been a summer for chafe. Unlike, you will not believe. This is my marching injury from yesterday. The chafe. Now, not the thigh because I'm wearing tights, right? You've got full tights from foot to tit, basically.

They're up. And then you've got your black undies over the top. Yeah. You have to have them. Yeah. It's regulation. Wait, are the undies full length as well? So you've got undies, your undies of choice.

Your personal undies that you bring from home. Yeah, and then you've got dance tights. They're basically dance tights. Long, shiny bra. And they go up under there. And then you've got your sports bra on. And then over those undies, you have high-waisted, like, sucky-inny undies. They're also good at the bra.

That's on. Jesus. So the bum is covered. Because the skirts are short, so if you turn and you see them, you don't want to see fleshy butts everywhere. You're three layers deep now, though. Yeah, and all the team has to be wearing the same coloured over-undies. Goodness.

Anyway, so the thighs were fine. The arms were fine. And then yesterday I got home after this very, very long day, and I was like, oh, my feet hurt. I said, oh, Aaron, I've got to get in the shower. And we've got a mirror, and then, like, in the mirror, you can see the whole shower, and you can see yourself nude. I also have that, too.

Yes, yes, you do. I know. Yours is confronting, though. Yours is floor to ceiling, whereas mine, you just see, like, the kind of waist up. Yours, it's too much. When I had a shower at yours, I was like, is that what I look like? Don't look left.

When you get out of the shower, you just look straight ahead. Eyes forward. You don't want to look at what I looked at yesterday. I took off all my marching gear. And you've always got these marks, you know, from strapped bras and tights and all this kind of stuff. And I bent down to take off my tights. And good Lord, what stared me in the eye. My butt is a mess.

Because you're wearing so many layers of control in the downstairs area, my cheeks must have just been pressed together ever so much. Right. And have spent 14 hours in the hot, hot sun. Just going back and forth. Just going back and forth and just giving each other a little kiss. Could they have had a seam in there? Each time.

Was there a seam in there? Well, I could have put a banger in there, but I don't know. No, they were just sort of kissing on the edge of the roundness, because you know I've got a very juicy peach. So it pumps out like that. Scholars will write about it. Oh, my God. Ursula Carlson, ask her about it.

She's having a good look. She's seen them. Yes, she has. She's seen it in its truest form. Anyway, story for another day. So it's been catching like this for 14 hours and the chafe. Oh, goodness. It's red raw.

Producer, Gerard's got some talcum powder. No, talc won't fix this. Well, I was lucky because I had to say to Aaron, and the door was open and our neighbours live very, very close. I had to say, Aaron, come here and look at my butthole because it was clutch. The hole itself. Well, I was spreading it because I needed to give it... Oh, my God.

You're cheap. I needed to give it some air. Right. To sort of really see the damage that was done because I saw just a peak, a peak of the red, and I thought, oh, my gosh, and I spread it wide and saw the disaster that lay after 14 hours in tights. What did your fiancé Aaron say?

Well, I said, Aaron, come here. And he went, walk, walk, walk, walk, walk. And I said, and then I finished the sentence, and take a good look at my butthole. And he said, I really don't, I think I'm good. And I said, no, Aaron, the chafe. He said, no, no, no. I said, you have to look at it.

It's so serious. He's like, what am I going to do? I said, no, I just want you to know how extreme it is. Yeah. And he fetched me some ointment. Oh, lovely. Did you just tear it in the eye? Was it a Savlon?

No, it was like a yellow cream. A yellow cream. It was like a 3B consistency, but off-brand from the doctor. But I thought 3B was prevention, not treatment. I know, it's too late for that. It was like a barrier cream. Or like a Bepanthan. Kind of like a Bepanthan.

For a baby's nappy rash. I've got nappy rash. You've got nappy rash. I've got a bit of nappy rash. She's got nappy rash. But after 12 years, Aaron wouldn't stem a butthole in the eye. And a nappy rash. I've got nappy rash. You've got nappy rash. I've got a bit of nappy rash. She's got nappy rash. But after 12 years, Aaron wouldn't stem a butthole in your eye. And a nappy? Would that help?

No, that would only cause further rash because it's the nappy itself that causes it. Too dense, too dense. Yeah, right. What you've got to get, I remember about our kids when they got nappy rash, and now that one's about to turn 11, I'm sure she'll be stoked that I'm talking about this on the radio, but you would expose the bottom, dry it and put it in a little sun. So I've got to arch. Oh, perennial

sunning. Yeah, that's a big thing, isn't it? Sunning, yeah. Yeah, but not that far. Not in our harsh UV conditions. Well, they're very hard at the moment. I would watch your time, but you take the nappy off and put them on there, a little bit of tummy time with the tush in the sun. I'm going to go, is it sunny today? Because I might have to have a bit of tummy time to dry it out. It's actually going to be a little bit of tummy time with the tush in the sun. I'm going to go, is it sunny today?

Because I'm going to have to have a bit of tummy time to dry it out. It's a little overcast, which will be perfect. Anyway, watch your chafing this summer, guys. It has been a hell of a summer for chafing. Thank you very much. I've had one friend so far demand a picture, and boy, did she get it. I just want people to know the extent of how bad it was. Did you get some Mount Maunganui's chafe, did you?

I got some chafe walking back from the beach to the house. Where'd you chafe? I got chafe between the legs is my big chafe. Oh, your thigh. A little bit of thigh rub. A chub rub. You need to get the little shorts. Me and Carween were all about the shorts under the dress, the chub rub

shorts. My daughter, again, will be stoked to hear. No, I'm talking about it. Well, she also suffered some chafing, so we waddled up to the dairy, and I walked in, and I said to the lady, do you sell Vaseline? Vaseline? Yeah, you know when you've got, because it's like, it's got a bit of waterproofness to it, and you just get it. And he's like, what do we do?

I was like, you get two fingers in the Vaseline, and you just give it a big scoop. Liberal with the Vaseline, my love. Get it. It's a beautiful bonding moment As we're waddled up Suffering from chafing Hereditary

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Fact of the day Day, day, day, day. Today's Fact of the Day is about vervet monkeys. Okay. In Florida. You went to Florida recently.

Did you see any vervet monkeys? I didn't. I saw Ross from Friends Monkeys in Costa Rica. Yeah. And Howler Monkeys. Capuchin from Friends monkeys in Costa Rica. Yeah. And howler monkeys. Capuchin monkeys. Capuchin, yeah. We've had a fact of the day about them. They're named after the Capuchin monks.

Aren't they? Because they look like they're wearing little monkeys. Oh, that's right. They've got their little hats on. Their little hats. But no, I didn't see any in Florida. Not in Miami. Well, the vervet monkey is an introduced species originally from Africa.

And like many, I didn't know this about America. A lot of, there's a lot of monkeys. Okay. In America, and most of them, it's just escaped pets or someone, like there was an example of a riverboat captain going down the river with some macaques. Oh, yeah. It's a bigger monkey.

And by the way, a side fact about macaques, apart from humans, the primates that have spread to the most parts of the world. Oh. Wonderful swimmers. Yeah. Originally from Afghanistan, Pakistan region, and they believe moved into Southeast Asia as well. They spread themselves around.

But once a riverboat captain was going down a river in Florida and he was like, that island looks like a good place for monkeys and just set them free. And then they swam across the, and then apparently as he let them off, a couple stopped and then another couple just got off, got in the river and swam across the river and he was like,

well, there you go. You learn something every day, don't you? Monkeys can swim. They're quite good swimmers. Right. So they're a problem in Florida. Squirrel monkeys are a problem in Florida. Originally from Central and South America,

but weren't a problem in Florida, but very cute. They're so cute. But what do you mean a problem? Like they just run amok? Well, yeah, they run amok. They eat things that haven't been, you know when you introduce a species to a sort of established ecosystem?

Oh, yeah. They maybe eat something that belongs to somebody else and then the native one suffers it. Possums are a great ecosystem. Oh, yeah. They maybe eat something that belongs to somebody else and then the native one suffers it. Possums are a great example. Oh, yeah. Little buggers. Well, it's the vervet monkeys I want to talk about that are in Florida

because you should be very careful about these. They were introduced in the 1940s originally as pets. They then escaped from various facilities, one of which was an anthropoid ape research facility. If that sounds like they're experimental monkeys there, they do. So these ones escaped. And amongst them,

some of the monkeys had a herpes virus, herpes B virus. Oh, okay. Now, this is what they say. These are the monkeys. The other ones are kind of cute. These ones give them a wide berth because they carry herpes B virus, which is asymptomatic in them, but deadly in humans.

Deadly? Herpes B. So if they were to bite you or just... Or if you were to, like, touch something that they'd pooped on and it was still there and then you didn't wash your hands, probably touch the eye, it's all transmitted through bodily fluids. I'm terrible at washing my hands.

Has COVID not taught you anything? Oh God, the skin gets so dry. Yeah. I don't wee on them that often. You know what I mean? I will wash them if I wee on them. If you get a splash, you don't have to purposely wee on them.

Yeah, if I don't, no harm, no foul. Yuck. Okay, that's yuck. So it's got a really high fatality rate in humans. Right. And there's a special part of the Centre for Disease Control on the treatment, what you should initially do before you can get to a medical centre

if you get this bitten or, you know, poop stuff, what you should do before you get there because it can be very deadly in humans. Wow. How does it manifest in humans? Like, what are the symptoms? Like a cold sore? I don't have the symptoms of herpes fever. What are those monkeys in Bali?

Because they're always climbing all over. Have you got that park? I don't know. Are they normal monkeys or herpes monkeys? Hold on. Ubud Monkey Forest. The sacred monkey forest where you get your driver to, they know all the tricks.

Yeah. Slip them a little finger and they know how to get the monkeys to look and make it look like you're having a selfie with the monkeys. Oh, yeah. That's right. Have you been? Have you? To Bali? Yeah.

I didn't actually go to Ubud, but I did go to Bali. Wow. What? Bali. Yeah. I didn't actually go to Ubud, but I did go to Bali. Wow. There are macaques. Oh. What? There are macaques. But it's not macaques. No, macaques are the ones that could swim that got dropped off on the riverbank and

swam across. They're not the herpes B virus. So I am planning another trip back because, you know, we need content for the show. Like what will you talk about otherwise? If I can't talk about Bali, I can't say last year I went to Bali. It has to be I was recently in Bali. It's thrilling. Thrilling content.

I know. Reviews are in. We want more Bali chat. Reviews are in. People love hearing about other people's holidays. They do. They love it. They love Christmas orphans and they love Bali.

Highlights of last year. No. For no. They died. They are not back until Christmas. Absolutely not. What about the Easter orphans? I saw Easter eggs in the supermarket yesterday.

No, there are no Easter orphans. So today's fact of the day is don't go near monkeys in Florida. It's all bad news. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Ah! Well, a British Airways flight attendant, you may have seen this story last week. On first day on the job, they arrive at an airport and they open the doors.

And this flight attendant on his first day of work accidentally ejects the emergency slide. I don't know how it works, but I think they arm the doors. And then if there's a crash or you have to ditch in the ocean, the slide's armed and ready to go. I don't know why you're looking at me. I've never been in the air steward. Yes, you have. My air steward. I haven't.

He was a hostie. On ANZET. I was. I did the ANZET whisper jet. You did the whisper jet. Wow, getting into aviation, getting into the reeds here on the aviation. But so then when you land at an airport, you've got to unarm the door before you open it. Oh, really?

To get out. Because if you open it, you set off the slide. Yeah, you can see them like pulling that little bit. Yeah. Before they do the big unlocky bit. And I asked my friend who used to be a flight attendant, I said, is this easy to do? And he said, yeah, it is. It would be quite easy to do that.

Are we about to talk about like the worst first days? Yeah. My friend Callum just messaged saying, Brian Clint already did this last week. Oh my god. What? Are you kidding me? No, this is what! No! No!

We weren't actually going to do that. We weren't going to do No. We weren't actually going to do that. We weren't going to do that. We were not actually going to do what happened on your first day. We were going to say what is the thing in your work that you've always wanted to set off. Yes. That's exactly what we were going to do. That's what we were going to do. We were always going to do that because it says it right here.

What is the thing at work that you have always wanted to set off? Set off? Yeah. Like here, when I set off my microphone during an ad break last year. You've always wanted to set it off. Have you always wanted to do it? I've always wanted to do it and I did it. Do you know, I've got a button under here.

Where is it? The panic button? Oh my God. Is it an HR button? The panic button's gone. No, it's gone. It've got a button under here. Where is it? The panic button? Oh my God. Is it an HR button? The panic button's gone. No, it's gone. It's gone. It's gone.

But what if we panic? What if we panic? You'll know they've moved it. They've moved it. Well, they can't move the panic button without you. What if there was an armed hold up and you went to stick

your finger on the panic button? Literally, we would have all died. Are you serious? Yes. Nothing else can come from this break. What is the panic button?

Thank God you know where the panic button is now. I know where the button is. And the recently real- What does it do? Who does it alert? I don't know. I've always wanted- I think they have pressed it once, so.

Press it. Oh, shit. It's 20- I pressed it. I pressed it again. I pressed it again. What's happening? I pressed it many times.

I pressed it many times. So that they know that we're really panicking. What's happened? What's happened? Is someone coming? What's happening? I'll press it many times. Press it many times. So that they know that we're really panicking. What's happened? What's happened? Is someone coming? What's happening? Oh my God, Jared's left. Jared's left.

What if it just... Oh my God, are they just sitting there? What if it doesn't go to them? What if it goes to a higher power? What if the cops are coming? Like the police or something? Yeah. Oh dear.

Ross is mad at you for pushing the button. Does it go to Ross? Ross? He's here like hardly ever. How's he going to fix a panic? He wouldn't do anything. I would like to see Ross stop it. Anything.

Well that's great. Well I'll press that. Okay. But anyway we were always going to talk about this. Yeah. What is the one thing at work that you've always wanted to set off? Set off or press or do or. I feel like at like a hydroelectric power station, there'd be that button that opens the big floodgates.

The gushes. I like to imagine a button is too easy to set off the gushes. You should have to wind something. I feel it would be like one of those pull-down levers. Crank. Oh, a crank. Yes. That would be amazing.

Yeah. Maybe you work at the dam. What's that place down south that has the big dam? There's so many. It's Puck. It comes with this clime. The clime. Clyde have a big dam.

Yeah, there'd be a button there. Clyde. Clive is on Clive. Yeah, Clyde Dam. Clyde have a big dam. Yeah, there'd be a button there. Clyde. Clyde is on Clyde. Yeah, Clyde dam. There'd be a big button there. I just want to push it and be like, release the water. The water. Suck it, Clyde.

Suck it. Place downstream. All right. Okay, well, I mean, we're always going to talk about this. You've always wanted to set off. Yeah. Is there a button, a lever, a do not touch or do not push? Yeah.

What about those, you know, break and then you turn on the fire alarms? But the levers, oh, they'd be cool. What about the ones that aren't water fire alarms? Oh, I love. Is it inert gas and it fills the room so fire can't be a thing? How? Yeah, it starves the room of oxygen. Yeah.

And also you. And also you if you're on it. Okay, yeah. You've got to hold your breath. All right, well, 0800 dials at M. We'd always planned to do this. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, last week a flight attendant, first day of work,

accidentally set off the emergency slide. I mean, other radio shows may say, oh, what happened on your first day? But that got us thinking. We'd never do that. We're always going to do... Talk about easy street. What did you want to set off at your work?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because exactly. There's always buttons and levers and fun things at work you've always wanted to press or touch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Often behind either like a flap, you have to flap up and then push the button, or like break glass. You know those little hammer things that break through glass?

I've always wanted to do that on the bus. I've done it. Why? Not on a bus. I had to punch in a TV show. I'm an actress. I'm a comedian, actress, host, radio host. What have you been in?

Writer. Lately. Lately? Mollenberg ad. I did Plowmans. Pl I did the Plowmans. Plowmans. Plowmans. More of a presenting role,

to be honest. Is it right? Anyway, I had to punch my fist through a car window and the way they did it is they made me hold that little hammer thing

in my, between my hand and you go like that and it just, you tap it like, and it just goes. So it looked like you punched it but you actually penetrated it

with the. Little hammer. Okay, right. I did, just the tip. Okay. You can buy that. It's a... I don't know what to say,

what they are. But you can buy them for other purposes. Right. Breaking and entering. I guess so. It does make sense. You want to borrow some money, mate? Would you say no?

Two girls going to high school? Some messages in About what you've set off at your workplace Someone said I've always wanted to hit the shark warning siren Where is that? I'm guessing a beach Shark warning Oh like you're a first aid kind of

Lifesaver things Move from the water There is a shark That sounds like a fire I think sharks got to have its own siren. Fire at the beach. That would work. I'd get out of the water.

Everyone would be out of the water. Somebody said, and I don't know where they work, but it sounds geothermal. I'll guess. Go. A pressure release valve that would send steam sky high. Yeah, it's got to be a geothermal something. No, it's got to be sort of a gastropub with your pressure cooker.

Oh, yeah, releasing the instant pot. Fast-cooking slow-cut meats. Someone said, this happened to me. I set off the panic alarm at a bank Four cop cars, eight armed police Within minutes That's good Now how many minutes exactly?

Just let me write this down I don't know One minute? Exactly Minutes, I'd say at least two You're pretty fit Is that enough time to validate parking? When you're robbing a bank

You pay for parking when you're robbing a bank. You park in the loading zone. Otherwise I won't be able to get out of the barrier arm. No, you just loading zone it. Loading zone. Because you've already got a van that meant to look like the security van. I don't want a ticket. Oh, you won't get a ticket.

You'll be fine. You'll be bloody rich. You leave your blinkers on, you won't get a ticket. Okay. I'm not encouraging anybody to rob a bank. That's obviously being stupid. Obviously. And an anonymous message. I work for the council,

there is a button that sets off all the civil defence signs in the area and gosh darn it. Oh, that would be cool. Is it not a computer program? It's an actual button. It's an iPhone app. You've got to log into the app. You've got to log into the app, forget your password. Pink code. The T-Tsunami's coming but you forgot your password. You've got to

do a two-factor authentication You've got to do a Gmail Open YouTube Verify, yes it's me When I was six I let intrusive thoughts get the better of me and I pushed the emergency door at the warehouse Intrusive thoughts That's true, you've got to fight those intrusive thoughts

I work in an MRI and I've always wanted to press the quench button. What? It would kill power to the scanner and the helium would be released and it would have to be, helium would have to be brought in to reboot it, usually from Germany. And I Googled, what is an MRI quench?

Wow. Is that like? Two types of quenches. One's triggered by a red button. Because you got to press the red button at the servo once to shut down everything, didn't you? Shut down the flow. That would be cool.

You drove off with the fuel thing still in. And it clicked and it was like, and it's supposed to turn itself off, but it didn't. So there was a big red button and you got to go. Was that the person filling up the boat? I know that was a different situation. The person that put the boat petrol in a fishing rod holder and just clicked it on and then came into the store and was like,

is that finished yet? I was like, no, it's at 400 litres though. Far out. That was a different emergency call. You'd have to burn it off, wouldn't you? Yeah. Yeah, that's what they did with the boat. They just took it out in the middle of nowhere

and set it on fire. Quickest way to get rid of it. Also, can we update the fact that you pushed the panic button four times and no one's come to help us? Outrageous. We're burning in here. Burning? I don't know.

What happens? What happens in a radio studio? Silliness. Silliness. And we just cried wolf. Yeah. Didn't we? We did cry wolf.

But now, boy, we'll be sorry. See ya, see ya later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted. Silly Kate, who's a very good friend of mine. Well, she's already sued me twice. So if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great.

Tell her I'll review her five stars. Yeah. If she does the same for this podcast. Yeah. And then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.