ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 24th January 2022

Episode Date: January 23, 2022

Weekend at Bernies  Vaughans Number Plate  Top 6: Ways to Sexy up M'n'Ms  Silly Little Poll!  When were you not invited?  Don't Get Fletch Started!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day DaaaaaySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe. Try their refreshing McCafe iced coffee available now at Macca's. Speaking of refreshing. That looks anything but. It's too watery. That's gross.

That looks like a water sample that you take to the council because there's a stinky thing outside your house. It does. And you're like, we don't know what's in it. And they say, please bring us a water sample that you take to the council because there's a stinky thing outside your house. It does. And you're like, we don't know what's in it. And they said, please bring us a water sample. Test that. So your second week now, trialing breakfast. Trialing breakfast, just going strictly for the smoothie.

Yeah. So I can pack as much sort of goodness into it. It's a 10 out of 10 failure so far. But today's is particularly watery. Too much water, a lot of powders. I know you think collagen powder's bullshit. A lot of it in here. Well, we talked to a doctor, didn't we?

At the height of the collagen last year. Yeah, but I talked to an influencer and she told me to wait my hair and nails grow faster. That's where I get all my information from. So, yeah, and I tried this morning. I didn't put protein powder in because it's been making my stomach a bit upset. Yeah.

So I tried just double collagen because it's got some protein in it, some berries and a green powder. And it's like black. It's like black. Yeah. Yeah. And now it's warm. It's super warm.

You're not drinking that, are you? No, no, no, no, I'm not doing that. Because I tried your salty porridge last week. My salty porridge. And it was, no, no, I'm not doing that. Because I tried your salty porridge last week. My salty porridge. And it was edible, but that, I'm not. Nah. Not even going to try that, are you? This looks also, this is the kind of smoothie that I'll leave in my car for a week,

and then you'll pop it, it'll go, because it's fermented. Because you've made a kombucha. I just need to find the right ratios. Have you thought about baking an eggs? What, 4 a.m.? Bring an air fryer in. Bring in a little camping stove. Yeah.

With a flame. Mini pan. Crank it out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or do like microwave poached eggs. Microwave poached eggs are a trick. Yeah. It's just too much business.

It is a lot of business. Stick that in the blender. Yeah. 4.30. Oh, yeah, true. Why don't you blend it at work? Blend at work. I don't think it's going to make a difference.

It might be friendlier closer to the blend. Yeah. Because then it's separated before you've shaken it now, but before it's separated. Yeah, it's really separated.

Okay, well you're simply making that sound appealing. Yeah, we'll try again tomorrow. Looks like something from one of those hydro dip videos you see on Facebook

where some dude's got like a white helmet and then he rolls it. Oh, it does. And it comes out with a pattern on it. Like an army printer camo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We could give it a go. Cross between that and diarrhea. Play ZM's Fletchbord and Ailey.

Ailey. Hi. G'day, Ailey. Hi. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show. It's a million degrees in here.

We are sweating buckets at 6 a.m. in the morning. Yeah. I think the air con's broken, which is a great way to start Code Red. Poor ventilation. With lots of good ventilation, yeah. Happy Code Red, everyone. Happy Code Red. Yeah, that kicked in at one minute to midnight last night.

Yeah, stayed up for it. Celebrated. Did you? Yeah. Let off some fireworks. Really? No. I was going to say, because there's a big fire danger.

Yeah, no, no, no. It's too hot at the moment. Yeah. No fireworks. But yeah, back in the red. I've got sweaty pits. Does anyone else have sweaty pits? I'm charging up.

I've got a little Cheap handheld fan That I happen to have in my bag Not knowing this was happening And it's charging So you've got a handbag fan Handbag fan How much was that? Six bucks on Trade Me

I got it for when I'm filming things I'm very hot I run hot in the face Yeah yeah yeah And so I got this And it blows on you But it's dead And I need it

Are you charging it? We're charging it It's only got one light out of four possible lights on its charge. Yeah, it's going to be a long wait. Long charge. I had a bead of sweat run down straight down the arse cheek just before. It felt like I had something like a spider

or something. Little ants in your pants. I'm not used to sitting on a chair and having a bead of sweat run down my arse crack. She's hot in the studio this morning. Free fuel up for grabs again, 7 o'clock and 8. Maybe chuck some of that in the generator here at work. To get the air con working. 7 o'clock and 8, your chance to win.

Just listen out for the Activator with ZMD Tank. The top six on the way. Yep. The top six ways to sexy back the M&M's. The green, it's too hot back the M&M's. The green. It's too hot. The M&M's. If you haven't heard, sexy green M&M, who's always had sort of a feminine vibe.

Fruity, yeah. Although I've never seen a vagina or, you know, any sort of genitals on it. So I daren't assume it's gender. But it's been sexy down. It's lost the heels. It's just in some, like, sneaks now. Yeah. US conservative people on telly.

Are riled up. Absolutely livid that they can't have sexual fantasies about Eminem because it's no longer wearing heels. Damn. So the top six ways to sexy it back up. All right, that's coming up on the show. But next. We melt into a puddle on the ground because it's a bajillion degrees in here.

I don't know. My brain's not functioning. What's next? Bernies. Bernies. I'm literally... I have a... Literally have the page open,

Weekend at Bernies, and I didn't know... We've got a real-life Weekend at Bernies, like the... I want to say 90s movie. Was it 80s or 90s? The second one was 1993. I was going to say, is it the latest of 80s, the 90s? The second one was 1993. I was going to say,

is it the latest of 80s, the first one? The first one was 1989, so a four-year gap. You would have thought Bernie would have deteriorated somewhat. This is a movie where they drag around a dead...

Pal. A dead body of their ex-boss. What was the reason they did that? They wanted to party at his beach house, and if he was dead, they thought the party would get cancelled. So they puppet... Marionette him real-life marionette him so that they can party at his beach house.

Well, there's been a real-life weekend at Bernie's. Really? Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Weekend at Bernie's was a movie, 1989, the original weekend at Bernie's. Two dudes want to party at Bernie's house. Bernie's their boss.

And they turn up and Bernie's dead. So they pretend he's alive. Like holding him like up. You're propping him up. You're propping him up everywhere. In a whole lot of different situations. Like he's at one stage in a chair and they're like moving his arms with strings. Like it's –

I mean, it makes a lot of sense. That's my problem with the – I have a vague memory of these movies, one and two, but there was never any rigor mortis. No. No rigor mortis. And Weekend at Bernie's 2 was four years later. And I said Weekend at Bernie's, he comes back alive in the end and it turns out he wasn't dead.

That was disproven wrong. It was at the end of Weekend at Bernie's 2 that he's back to life. How do the voodoo magic? And you'll be surprised to learn that that has a 10% Rotten Tomato rating. Weekend at Bernie's 2. Yeah, I can't imagine that's aged well either. The voodoo magic didn't. You've got to say for a dead guy, you know, days

and days into his death, he's got a beautiful glowing tan. Yeah. He didn't lose his hue at all. I feel like that was also dealt with in Weekend at Bernie's. Well, it's happened in real life as well. A pair in Ireland, a couple of people took a dead man to the Irish

post office to claim his pension. Do they not do, like, automatic transfers? I don't know. Do you get a check or something? I don't know. I'm not quite pension age yet. So they walked into the post office and talked about this pension, claiming the pension on behalf of this person,

which it doesn't say if it was like they're granted or anything. I guess that might identify them. Yeah. It's going through the courts. The police said their man returned to the post office of the corpse on Friday and propped it up against the counter in an attempt to claim the dead man's pension.

Did they just say he was asleep? Yeah, how did they do the talking? Oh, I don't know whether or not they just like propped him up and said, he's not well or yeah, this is him. Put them in a wheelchair at least. Yeah, exactly. Some sunglasses.

A blanket over the legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sell the whole picture. But again, rigor mortis. Rigor mortis. Where is it? There was no rigor mortis. Well, maybe that's how they propped them up against the counter.

But the staff kind of fairly quickly saw through it. And were like, okay, wait there. And they saw through it And were like okay wait there And they went back and they were like They've got a dead guy And then yeah the police arrived And arrested them That is weird That's too weird

Don't do stuff like that You gotta try it How badly do you want that crack Well they can only say no can't they? No. They can call the police and you can go to prison for

attempted like fraud. Is it a prison sentence? What would the charge be? Attempted fraud? Or isn't there something like a

meddling with a corpse or something like that? Shall I Google? Why would I even Google? Yeah I was like meddling's not the word, but I know it's not fiddling.

No, it's definitely not fiddling, especially in an Irish accent. Fiddling with a corpse. I took old Paddy down to the post office. Oh, you fiddled with his corpse. I didn't fiddle with his corpse. I meddled. What say you?

I meddled, not fiddled. I'm sure there's like meddling. Meddling. Meddling. I couldn't find anything when I googled. This is a work laptop and I've just googled meddling with a corpse. I'm a bit nervous. Interfering.

No, that sounds worse than meddling. That sounds more like fiddling. That's the legal term. If someone's dead and you do anything with their body, it's interfering. What if it's your significant other? Absolutely. Can you put them in the wheelbarrow and take them for a walk?

Oh, I think you mean get rid of their gold teeth. Pull the gold tooth. There's no point. That's interfering, isn't it? Yeah, don't let those. Clip a finger off. Don't let those go to the morgue. You'll never get them back.

Misconduct with regard to a corpse. Oh, okay. Let's not read too much into that. That's probably... That's a bit bleak. Yeah, it's very bleak. That didn't work, by the way. Well, no, they didn't get the money, did they?

No. Got themselves in trouble. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley's. Jeez, I'd love an iced coffee right now. It's a bajillion degrees in here! I would pour it down the top. I would bathe in it. The air conditioning is broken.

We're in a Swedish sauna right now. Oh, no, because it'll be hot. Do they do saunas? All the Nordics do. All the Nordics do. We would do it. Well, they do the Wim Hof. They do the cold dip, then the hot sauna.

Yeah, we need the cold dip. I'd love a cold dip. It is raining a little bit outside in Auckland, but it's hot out there. I said dip. I know. It just may be next time just more on the pee. More on the pee's hot out there. I said dip. I know, it just maybe next time just more on the pee.

Hit the pee a bit harder. Hit the pee a bit harder. Alright. Here's a bit of a story for you. A couple have suffered a split. This happens to statistically 50% of couples. Yep. They don't make it. But this story

is a little sadder because of the circumstances. They got together, young love, absolutely. Everything was going great. But up front to this woman, Colleen is her name, her partner was up front that he was suffering from chronic kidney disease. Jeez. You know, this is what it is.

This is what I have to deal with. Well, you need your kidneys, don't you? Well, you need one. I've got one. You've got one kidney. Just dropping a bit have to deal with. Well, you need your kidneys, don't you? Well, you need one. I've got one. You've got one kidney. Just dropping a bit of a bomb on you there, yeah. Did you give one to someone else? Oh, I wish I could say yes. No, it died.

My right one just sort of died when I was a kid. It just was like, ladies. I wet the bed for years and then we got to the bottom of it. It was the kidney. Anyway. Did you have to have a plastic sheet? Yeah, I had a few plastic sheets in my life. You know, every time you'd move, you'd be like. Umbrella.

What do they call them? Umbrella sheets now? They're way better. Technology's really. What do they soak up more? And they don't rustle. Oh, okay. There's no rustly aspect to it.

I was sleeping on basically an XL garbage bag. When you were 17. No. No, I was nine years old when it all stopped. Right. You want to sleep in the XL garbage bag because then the wheeze doesn't get out. Yeah, so I'd get a sleeping bag

and inside my mum would line it. Yeah. No, she didn't do that, but when I used to go to... You were like the bin. You've got to line your bin and you don't want the meat juice. No, no, no. You don't want a juicy drip.

It was stained. So it just died. It just died. It had a blockage in the tubes and it sort of shriveled up and didn't stop doing anything. Did they take it out or is it just all shriveling in there? It's a little bean shriveled in there. Right.

Yeah, it doesn't work. But my other one is deeply engorged. What? I say that because it's doing the work of two kidneys. So that's just the body, just how that works. So it got bigger to compensate for the smaller. Yeah, so my left kidney, I got a scan recently actually, is really, really big because it's like a muscle basically.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. That's like a load of two people. And you drank a fair bit of Pistos. And I'm bloody down in it. I tell you what, I make it work for its money. Yeah. Anyway, so this guy had chronic kidney disease.

He was on dialysis and all that. Right. And so early on in their relationship, she got tested to see if she was a match because she didn't want to just watch him die. And they were. And so when the time came and his kidneys did fail later in their relationship,

of course she was there and she gave him her kidney. Surgery went well. Both of them made a full recovery. Seven months later, the boy goes to Vegas and cheats on her. He comes back home. I would have my kidney back. full recovery. Seven months later the boy goes to Vegas and cheats on her. He comes back home. I would have my kidney back.

I would reach in with my bare hands. Removal via steak knife. And grab it back. He comes back and tells her immediately and obviously she's got a stake in the relationship now, doesn't she? So she forgives him. But after three months they couldn't make it work. Lots of arguments. And then three months later.

Because he cheated on her after. She donated an organ to him. Did he cheat on her after all the arguing? No, no, no, no, no, no. They argued. So he came back after cheating, told her. Oh, my God. She forgave him.

Oh, my God. Three months later, he picks up the phone and dumps her brutally over the phone. And I guess. Ruthless. He always will take a little part of her away with him. Every time he does a wheeze. He has to think of Colleen. Colleen.

Isn't that terrible? How long were they together when she gave the kidney? Six years. Oh, okay. So then in the six years he gets the kidney then he cheats on her. Yeah.

No one's on his team. He's only in it for the kidney. No one's on his team here. No one's on his team. I would have said it was the kidney that made me cheat. Then it's her fault. It's like they say, don't stay in a relationship for the kids. Yeah.

Don't stay in a relationship for the kidney. It's the same thing. You can't stay just because they've got an organ, one of your organs inside of them. Anyway, I don't know how you do a match. I'm O positive. If my only engorged kidney parks it. Is it a blood

thing? Yeah, it probably is. I don't know. There's blood and something else. Oh, okay. Well, I'm not O plus. I'm something else. I don't have any blood, so I can't have any blood. Not anymore. It's all dried up in here. It's so hot in here, my blood's boiled off. I've got a question.

If you have just had a car registered, like an import or a brand new car, I need to know what we're up to on number plates. Why? Because my new Suzuki Jimny arrives at some stage in the next week. And I'm very excited about this. What are you hoping for? Number plates wise? That's why I need to know what we're up to

because I like a number plate that's easy to remember. It's got to be an acronym or something. Well, what about our executive intern, you just got a silly little I wasn't going to say silly little. Silly little fuel efficient.

Aqua. Thank you. Yes, I'm NZH. New Zealand Herald. NZH. Yeah, I'm a company woman. God bless NZ me. NZH.

Yeah. I'm MDU. I'd be keen for an NZ because then it's easy to remember the start of it. It's like New Zealand. Oh, yeah, right. Okay. Yeah. But we were talking about when they changed from two letters, four numbers.

Oh, it was ages ago. I've always loved number plates. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with, I don't know why, I was obsessed with number plates. And, like, especially because we lived in the country, so we didn't see, like, heaps of number plates. But when we went to the beach when we had our summer holiday, sometimes I'd just sit on the side of the road

and like my brother and I would go car for car. It was like car cricket, except the competition was to get the newest number plate. Right. Wow, cool. I know. I'm not trying to sell this as like looking back, what a great idea. Everybody should go and play this now.

Your summer holidays sounded amazing. Yeah. We used to go to like the zoo and stuff. No, my parents would go to the beach, but once we were at the beach, that was all we did was beach. You were allowed to go to the beach. We'd be like, can we go to the shops? They'd be like, absolutely not.

What do you want to go to the shops for? And so sometimes we'd just sit on the side of the road and watch cars. And when the AAAs came out? Yeah. I remember when we hit the end of the two letters going into the four numbers. Right. That was some good stuff. Big day for Smithy.

Yeah, oh my God. So excited. My heartbeat is like racing at the moment. And I do remember the first time I saw a three letter, three number combination was the early double A's.

Right. Yeah, I remember. Oh, that's good stuff. Cool. That's cool. So, that's why I'm into it. So what,

surely there's like a, I'm Googling, like what number are we up to? It must be M or something. It must be getting close to M. Or imagine if you got triple M. Yeah, I'm in N. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, like, what number are we at? Yeah. It must be M or something. It must be getting close to M. Or imagine if you got triple M. Yeah, I'm in N. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, R, J, K, L, M, N.

Past M. We're almost O's. Imagine if you got O, O, O something. Like, O. O. 39. Yeah. O-E.

Yeah. If it's O, O. O-E. O-E, O-O-E. O-E. See, I don't know. There's a lot here. And then you don't want to get stuck with a number plate.

Do you remember when the NZTA failed to see how gay 24-7 could be, like, a number plate? So good. So good. Yeah. Did anyone keep it? Like, a 19-year-old dude who got a new car, right? And it was, like, gay 24-7. And his mates were like, sweet personalized plate.

He's like, it's not. I would pay huge money for gay 24-7. Yeah, totally. What a great plate. Yeah. Especially if it's like an accidental personalized plate. I love an accidental personalized plate. Did they skip over ass?

Has anyone got ASS? No, they got rid of that. There's a whole lot. Oh, right. Oh, did they remove some? Bum? Any bums? Because there was never...

Bum 24-7. Tit? They've missed out O. We haven't reached tit. Somebody said they've just gone straight to P-A-A. Why have they missed out? Oh, because O's look like zeros. Zeros, and it might be hard to tell.

Pa. Pa. You might get a pa. You might get a pa. How long does it take to get to a new... I'd love tit. They won't do tit. They're not going to do that.

Are you sure? They won't do tit. They learn from gay 24-7. I want tit 1, 2, 3. So bad. Tit. Or tit 24-7. Because you couldn't apply for that as a plate.

They wouldn't let you get that as a plate. They wouldn't. I'm not getting a personalized plate. I think we're done with those. There was. Yeah, where are we at with plates? Personalized plates. No, I don't.

My dad has one. We got my dad when we were kids. We got my dad one as well. It's OHGR81, Oh Great One. And we would call him Oh Great One as kids if we wanted like lollies or cake or something. Or money. Or money.

Hug. Attention. Daddy, look at me. Just like praise and respect No but he still rocks it Okay Somebody said my work just got PAE plates

Already up to PAE What if they skipped You're gonna get You might get Q Imagine that No they're not gonna be up to Q And they'll skip Q Because they never did a V

They never did a V at the start of This is what I learnt Sitting on the side of the road At Mount Maunganui 308 Ocean Beach Road Cool cool They never did a V. They never did a V at the start of, this is what I learned sitting on the side of the road at Mount Maunganui 308 Ocean Beach Road. Cool, cool, cool. They never did a V. Yeah, because you might get that. No, they just never did a V

because they think it looked too much like a U. Oh, right, okay. So they're going NZU, PYA. Yeah, we're getting down the back. What happens next though? Then we go four letters. Path. Two numbers.

Padge. Padge. Path. Two numbers. Padge. Padge. Pa. Pie. Oh, God. The anticipation for your new license plate is killing me. I reckon it's going to be a dud. It's going to be.

It's going to be such a dud. That's why I'm running through the letters. I don't know. Pam. What if I got Pam? And everyone's like, oh, there's Pam. That's what you could call your car. Pam. Pam.

I'm not calling my car Pam. You've got a Pam car. Pan. Pat. Pam. Pam. I'm not calling my car Pam. You've got a Pam car. Pam. Pat. Wow. I mean, we're a week away from finding out the anticipation. But it's never going to be poor that's too far down the line. That's too far down the line.

Wow. This is. Stay tuned, Alyssa. It's great to have something to look forward to. Yeah. Yeah. Especially in these traffic light red settings. Yeah.

Yeah. Knowing, you know, Vaughn's getting a license plate in a week is, wow. I just can't wait. I just wish we could just jump forward in time. Go to the beach and just look at licence plates. I love that you're getting a brand new car or quite a cool car in the thing you're looking forward to. It's what number plate I'm having. It's what number plate's on it. Yeah. Not the

four-wheel drive features or it's little cute little two-door. Oh, I'm looking forward to the cuteness. Don't get me wrong, but number plate's super exciting. Well, in case you missed it, on Friday, January 21st, 2022, we lost a great musician by the name of Meat Life. Did he have an actual name? Yes, his name was Marvin Lee Aday or Addy, Aday?

Yeah, right. Marvin passed away very suddenly due to COVID. Now, he was an anti-vaxxer, wasn't he? He was a very outspoken anti-vaxxer. One of his last interviews I feel bad saying it, but one of his last quotes in his last interviews was, if I die, I

die, but I'm not going to be controlled. So he was very anti-government, anti-vax. Didn't want to bar it, just wanted to live his life. But can't help feel if he was vaccinated, he might still be with us. Perhaps. Living.

Living. As he said, living his life. Living his life. Interesting. Very sad, though. An amazing musician. I mean, oh. He's given us some hits.

He's given us some absolute bangers. Anyway, on that very day, the barbecue company Weber sent out a... Have you got a Weber? I've got a Weber. Correct, you've got a Weber. Yeah, we just got a Weber. If I had a balcony or anywhere to barbecue, because I've got an apartment... No, you can do it inside.

I'd have a Weber. Yeah, I'd put a cranky window. Yeah, crank a window. Just do it beside the window. Crank a window. Where does all the sausage fat go on the carpet? Drip tray. Yeah, drip tray.

Oh, drip tray. Then put it on the ground and feed it to the cat once it's cooled down. Yeah, delicious fatty treat. It's not on the Weber, it's on the Traeger. It's got a drip bucket at the end and occasionally you'll look outside and you'll see one of our two dogs with just like black grease around their mouth and you look at them

and they're just looking at you like, I've done it again. I'm so sorry, I ate nothing but bleh! And then they just spew up the oily mess and it stains everything it touches. Or they take a big oily dump. It's impossible to pick up off the lawn. Well, stop with the dump dog stories. Weber on that day sent out, you know, an email to their subscribers

and on their social media. And it was a recipe for meatloaf. Did they do this saying, we lost meatloaf, here's a great meatloaf recipe? No, no, no. Or this was just a timed one that coincidentally fell on the day that he died? It was like, try this delicious barbecue meatloaf recipe. On the day that he died.

On the day that he died. And people were tweeting up a storm just saying, dude, read the room. Yeah, although those kind of things are always scheduled weeks ahead. Like the marketing department will be like, well, they had to do a photo shoot. They would have had to have done a photo shoot. They would have cooked it.

Yeah, it would have been on the go ages ago. Because in America, it's winter. So it's like, try this heartwarming soul food to get you through the winter. So a nice sort of tarty barbecue meatloaf was absolutely what people wanted to eat, but not on Friday the 21st, the day we lost meatloaf. Anyway, the funny part about it is that they've just done this, they've absolutely scrambled once they realised that that was the day that meatloaf had died. And they tweeted and Instagrammed and sent out their emails to their subscribers.

Weber, our sincerest apologies. With a very earnest email, this morning you received our weekly recipe of the week. This week we highlighted a meatloaf recipe. At the time we shared this with you, we were not aware of the unfortunate passing of American singer and actor Mr Marvin Lee Aday

known as Meatloaf. We want to express our deepest apologies for this oversight and for any offences he may have caused. We send our condolences to his family. Meatloaf is delicious, though. Never mind the fact that his name was Meatloaf because he was a big, because he was a

tubby kid and like a tubby teenager. He was a big boy. We were happy to call him Meatloaf when it was technically body shaming. Yeah. For like decades and decades and decades. He was obviously fine with it. Well, I mean, did anyone ever ask?

Sorry. Sorry. Does anybody ask? Meatloaf right out of my mouth? Does anybody ask what? Meatloaf? Oh, my mouth. You know what I still haven't tried is that Filipino Meatloaf. Oh, yes. I'll take any kind of Meatloaf right out of my mouth. Does anybody else want meatloaf? Oh, my mum, what I still haven't tried is that Filipino meatloaf.

Oh, yes. I'll take any kind of meatloaf. Love a loaf of meat. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. Green M&M, thought of as the sexiest M&M, the M&M you'd most like to have sex with. Okay, let's list them in order. Has been downgraded from heels.

And maybe like her lips are like not quite as full anymore and her eyebrows aren't as big. Yeah. Her eyelashes. Yeah, wearing sneakers now instead of heels. Yeah, she was... A full set of falsies on. Previously seen in ads posing seductively and strutting her stuff in white go-go

boots will now sport a pair of sneakers. And didn't she used to sort of like have an off-the-shoulder moment when she'd peel off her green coating and reveal her chocolatey under? Oh, yeah. There was one of those in an ad once. I mean, there was uproar over the weekend.

Absolute uproar. And no one did it better than conservative news host Tucker Carlson. M&M's, the candy company, has just announced that it's redesigning its cartoon characters. The green M&M, you will notice, is no longer wearing sexy boots. Now she's wearing sensible sneakers. The other big change is that the brown Eminem

has, quote, transitioned from high stilettos to lower block heels, also less sexy. Eminems will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing until the moment you wouldn't want to have a drink with any one of them. He wants to get an M&M drunk and then have sex with it. That's what I heard. That's what I'm reading between those lines. Yeah, that's what it sounded like. Dude.

Yeah. Guy, my guy. You gotta... Gotta... Right. Well, I thought in an effort to make them sexier, I would give you the top six ways to sexy up M&Ms. I've got the top six sexiest personality features

and the top six sexiest physical features. Okay. And I've given them one each. Okay. Number six, and the top six ways to sexy up the M&Ms, green, seeing as though green seems to have been the target of all this.

I want green to show more vulnerability, which is a sexy personality trait. Why are you laughing? I just think it's too raw. I want more vulnerability and a symmetrical face. Right, okay. You've got to have a symmetrical face. A Gigi Hadid.

Yes. Right, the old Hadids, they're all pretty well balanced. Yeah. Nice. I'm a bit skewered. Not me, though. If you go half in the mirror. I'm absolutely on the piss. Yeah. Nice. I'm a bit skewed. Not me though. If you go half in the mirror. My face is absolutely on the piss.

Yeah. Yeah. One eye shuts when I laugh more than the other one. The smile, it's all on the piss. That's why you didn't get into Miss Universe. That's exactly what the judges said. Your face is on the piss. That, no, wouldn't let them have a go.

Yeah. I've got morals. Standards and morals. Number five on the list of the top six ways to sexy up M&Ms, it's time to have a look at the yellow M&M. Yeah. The big goofy M&M. Peanut Boy.

Yeah, Peanut. That's right, Peanut Boy. They're from the original blue and, no, no, red and yellow M&Ms. Yellow M&M needs more spontaneity. Okay. And straight white teeth. Yeah. Yes, okay.

You know, just be able to make a decision on the spot. Yeah. Change up the plans. He's a creature of habit. And straight white teeth. Nice. Number four on the list of the top six ways to sexy up M&M's. Blue M&M's.

Who's like the stoner dude. Yeah. He's like a little bit whatever. Yeah. A little bit shakabra. He needs ambition. Yeah. And pecs.

Big strong pecs. Oh, yeah. He's ambition. Yep. And pecs. Big, strong pecs. Oh, yeah. He's round. How would you do that with the sugar coating? You know, you'd have to get a new mould for them. And it could be confused with breasts, small breasts. Yeah. Small, pert, man breasts.

Which is as it is in real life. Yeah. And then, I mean, Tucker Carlson might want to, like, grab them. Well, yeah. Yeah. And then, I mean, Tucker Carlson might want to, like, grab them. Well, yeah. Like, shame. Picks. Yes. Go out for a drink with an ambitious, hot-picked blue M&M.

Number three on the list of the top six ways to sexy up the M&M, the orange M&M, who is, like, he's a nervous wreck. Is he the crispy M&M? He represents crispy M&M. I love crispy M&Ms. I think I'm saying. He's in my fave. He's a big ball of nervous energy.

Yeah. He needs more courage. Yeah. Which is apparently a very sexy personality trait. And a bigger D bulge. Yeah. There's no, absolutely no, absolutely nothing down there. Smooth.

Needs a big bulge in the bottom part of the orange. Okay. Great. Next, number two on the list of the top six ways to sexy up Eminem. It's time for the red Eminem. Yeah. He's sarcastic. He's quick talking.

But he lacks real passion. Yeah. Which is a sexy trait. Yeah. And a tight arse. A nice tight arse. Lovely set of buttocks. Yeah.

He's got a round arse, but it looks a little saggy. He needs a tight arse. He needs a tight perc. Okay. I've never encountered a saggy Eminem. No. Round though, no shape.

Yeah, true. Flat. Yeah. Needs a tight, muscly arse. Get the glutes. And number one, brown Eminem who you will have heard

has just gone down from stilettos to more of a kitten heel situation. She's still got this really sexy librarian thing going on. Wears glasses, arms crossed. She needs experimentation, which is apparently a very sexy personality trait to have,

by the way. All right. And big old honkers. Big old nungs. Big boobs. This all sounds like a lot more extra chocolate for Mars Inc. Or just the caricatures. Yeah, right.

Where they represent the M&M's. Right, you won't actually put them onto the chocolate. I won't put them on the actual chocolate. That, again, is hard work. But when I see that brown M&M walk out, I need to see boobs on that M&M. You know what I'm saying, man? M&M's more like double do's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is... This has all been horretingly sarcastic. Yeah. Not better things to find sexually attractive than chocolate, to be totally honest. That is today's Top 6. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Keeping up to date with the news just became a little easier. As at Herald's new podcast, the front page is your short, sharp daily news podcast. Join me, Damien Venuto, every weekday morning as I chat with journalists and newsmakers going behind the headlines to break down what you need to know on the biggest news stories of the day. Listen to The Front Page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Play ZM. ZMT Tech. and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts.

Right, now let's see if we can give away some free fuel. Emma, good morning. Good morning. Hal, what's your fuel light on this morning? Well, actually, I've got mum driving me this morning. Yeah! Are you having a few drinks, are you? It's a little bit low. It's a bit low.

Well, actually, I'm about to be dropped off to hospital for a surgery, so... Oh! I was going to say, what are you having done? They're really not going to be happy that you've had a couple of drinks.

Yeah. I don't think they will be very happy. They'll turn up, you're like, I've been milled by my... Yeah. For 12 hours. Why are you drunk?

I don't know what's coming. Surely it's the anesthetics. Yeah. You've just kick-started. You've just given them a head start on the anesthetics. Good luck with your surgery. Hopefully we can give you something to be happy about before you go into that.

Definitely. Alright, well, the fuel tank could cut off at any moment. If it buzzes you out, you lose that. Definitely. All right, well, the fuel tank could cut off at any moment. If it buzzes you out, you lose that fuel amount. But at any stage, you can say stop and lock in that cash and that fuel amount, and it's all yours. Here we go. Let's go.

$5. Ooh. Low star. $20. $35. $35. $65. $85. $100.

Stop. Yeah, girl. I would have stopped there too. Yeah, that noise freaked me out. That noise, I was like, uh-oh. The big foghorn gets me, eh? But then sometimes that happens and then it goes up. I would have stalled when you stalled.

Okay, well, Emma, $100 is locked in. Let's see how high it would have gone. Oh! I love it when it happens. You nailed it, Emma. Congratulations, $100 is all yours. Fantastic. Thank you, guys.

Good luck with your surgery. Thank you. All right, guys. Good luck with your surgery. Thank you. All right, and another chance to play ZMD Tank at Winston Free Fuel at 8 o'clock this morning. Next in the show,

I think I cost somebody what they described as the highlight of their workday. Oh, dear. Yeah. I robbed them of this pleasure.

Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. I mentioned it briefly before, but I'm pretty excited because I'm getting a new car. I'm getting my Suzuki Jimny. And thank you all for the wild support when I floated the idea. My wife still isn't stoked on it because it's only two doors and not exactly like a family vehicle, but I was like, let me have my midlife crisis.

Yeah, it's not about you. Yeah, woman. Is it a midlife crisis? It feels a little bit like one now that I've labelled it as one. Right. She's like, we can't all fit. And I said, that's the purpose. And then I was telling her about a rooftop tent and she's like,

we won't be able to fit. I said, I think you're kind of getting the idea of why I'm doing this. I'm going on my own. Yeah. I see so many around. They're neat. They're fun. They look like heaps of fun.

Most of them are driven by white girls in their 20s. Yeah, it's very much a lady car. Yeah, there are. It's the new Honda, no, the new Toyota RAV4. You reckon? People are driving it to course. Right. You know people that do a course and you're not sure what the course is. You assume it's hair or beauty related because they call it course.

I'm off to course. You're off to course. In the 90s, it was a RAV4. Yeah, right. The bubbly sort of blue ones. Yeah, and then Suzuki Swifts. Well, I'm going to course. That was your going to course car.

I'm friends with Suzuki Swifts. They're good cars. Well, this is the Suzuki Jimny. This is like the fun little four-wheel drive for people that want a Land Rover Defender but can't afford it. Which is you.

That's exactly why I'm getting it because it kind of looks like my Land Rover except new and I could afford it. And you've been driving a car which is for some, I don't know how it is,

it's still holding together. The Honda Accord, the 2300 Accord is the absolute pinnacle of Honda's engineering, if you ask me. The car isn't Mr. Beat. What are you going to do with it? I don't know.

I was just going to say to the car yard, can you have this? I want you to bring it in and for us to get mallets and hammers. No, it's too nice for that. That's wasteful. That's wasteful. Like a gala and we'll do 50 cents. Like a little gala, 50 cents. But the engine and everything still runs sweet.

And I don't like people. My father-in-law was like, put it on trade me. I was like, I am the worst person. I don't like dealing with people. But also I don't know the answers to the questions they're going to ask. No, exactly. I don't know how many Ks it's done. The end.

So anyway, cars are coming from overseas at the moment. Massive delays on it. I think I ordered this six months ago yeah so I got an email saying just letting you know

the car will be here in the last week of January that's this week yeah I know I'm waiting for the call to say it's here baby exciting

come and begin the crisis yeah so the crisis commenced I got an email like two weeks ago saying, last week of January is our projected time that you'll be able to come and get it. I'm like, this is fantastic.

I'm super excited. So if there was a graph of my excitement, straight after that it peaked and then it started to taper away again. Right. Like a bell curve. And you're just about to have an Omnicron surge. I may have an Omnicron surge when I go to pick it up. The excitement will go up again.

So it was coming down. I was flattening the curve of excitement. I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognise and I answered and it was a gentleman who I missed exactly where he said he was calling from. And he said, I have the most exciting news for you. And I was like, this sounds like a scam. We've got a great opportunity.

Your uncle died. Yeah, yeah. Just hit us with your credit card details and we'll transfer this diamond money i'm very excited i'm very excited news to you and i said okay what is it and he said your car will be here next week and i was like oh okay and he was like oh um your car will be here next week. I was like, yeah, yeah. I got an email about it a couple of weeks ago. And he was like, who emailed you? And I was like, oh, so-and-so emailed me now.

Like, well, I'll be having a word with them. This is my job to ring people and tell them the exciting news. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. I am excited. I'm really excited. I'm really excited to see what number plate I'm sorry. I am excited. I'm really excited. Yeah. I'm really excited to see what number plate I'm getting. Trying to hype it up a bit.

Yeah, I was trying to hype myself up on the number plate thing we talked about before. I said, you know, I am excited. I don't want you to think I'm not excited. But someone has taken a bit of air out of yourselves by sending me the email. Yeah. And he's like, oh, I'll be having a word with him. This is the highlight of my day. This is my favorite part of the job.

Ringing people and telling them that their cars are going to be here. Oh, bless him. And I said, oh, I'll be having a word with him. This is the highlight of my day. This is my favorite part of the job, ringing people and telling them that their cars are going to be here. Bless him. And I said, oh, is that like, and he's like, it's the best part of the job. And then he told me about his favorite part of the job for five minutes. Yeah. Again, my excitement was waning towards the end of it because I had other stuff I wanted to do. Yeah.

But, yeah, I feel like I, along with the person who emailed, cost him this highlight of the day. You sucked it out of his day. Yeah. By going, But, yeah, I feel like I, along with the person who emailed, cost them this highlight of the day. You sucked it out of his day. Yeah. By going, oh, yeah, thanks. Oh, yeah, cool, cool. Thanks, man. So I want to know this morning.

Yeah. Because I feel like I need to pass on the excitement. Yeah. What was that movie where the kid gets stabbed in the end? Pay It Forward. Pay It Forward. Pay It Forward. Helen Hunt

The Sixth Sense Kid Is that a spoiler? Should I put a spoiler on it out there? You both look somewhat disappointed The fire alarm's going off over your head That's why we look disappointed We couldn't care less about the kid that got stabbed It is hot in here but not that hot

Let it burn I want to know this morning What's the highlight of your work day? Oh, going home. Yeah. Other than going home. Friday drinks. I mean, we wrap up about 10 a.m.

Yes, that's too early. Really early to start the drinks. Friday mimosas. Yeah. Maybe it's like a certain work, mate. Yes. You know, that you really like cherish the company. Yeah.

Brighten your day. Maybe you're in management that you really like cherish their company. Yeah. Brighten your day. Maybe you're in management and you love punishing people with another dumb meeting. Maybe you're a boss and you just love to fire people. You find the opportunity. Oh, I don't know if any boss would love doing that. Oh, I can't imagine. But yeah, I guess you do. You look forward to those things at work.

Because maybe it brings you so much joy. Yeah. Like this man. Maybe he was having a tough day, but what was going to get him through was three o'clock in the afternoon, he gets to call the people whose cars are getting in. What about if you worked in an insurance company, got to ring people up and tell them you had a big payout for them?

Yeah. Would that be? Unless it was life insurance. Oh, yeah. That's some great news. Soft on the blow though. Great news. Yeah.

500 grand coming your way. My condolences. But he should blow, though. Great news. Yeah. 500 grand coming your way. My condolences. But he should have, you know, secured that later before he went to fiddle with the power lines. Little highlights of your work day. The little things that make it worth it. You know? I feel terrible now. I've robbed a man who was ringing me to tell me my car will be here next week when I was not excited.

Well, you'd, in fairness. I'd received an email letting me know. You'd been told. But maybe you could have just faked some enthusiasm. I did try to turn it on. But then the phone call went for too long and I lost it again. Vaughn's not known for his enthusiasm. Sustaining enthusiasm.

Terrible, terrible sustaining enthusiasm. Like the amount of people that are like, I met Vaughn. Was he grumpy? Does he not like me? No. No, that's just his face. That's just me. I've got this face.

Yeah. My highlight is giving away company money. You know what? You know what I love? Giving away company money. Like we've given away like 50,000, like 100 secret sound. Yeah. Like it's good times.

It's good stuff. Even just giving away the little gas. Oh, I love it. And back in the day, you might not remember this. It feels like forever ago, we used to give away trips overseas. To another country. To another country. How do you get there?

On, no, it wasn't a train. It wasn't a boat. It was the ones that go on the sky. Big metal birds. Metal flying, the flying train? All right. Air bus. You psychos. I think maybe back in the day, Big metal birds. Metal flying, the flying train? All right. Air bus! You psychos.

I think maybe back in the day you were all a little bit on it. Yeah, it feels like a drug trip now. So like this man that gets to call people telling them their cars are ready, what is the highlight of your working day or your working week? Some Instagram responses because we asked on the gram. Megan loves typing dictations. It's zen to her. So is that when someone's like, Megan, take a note

and then they just start talking dear sir, dear madam to whom it may concern and she types it. Or like, yeah, does meetings. Or people do it to like a dictaphone or record things. Right, and then she listens back to it and types it up. And writes it up. Surely if you're talking into a dictaphone now

you might as well be talking into a voice-to-text program. And then she just skims it to make sure there's no mistakes. But you're doing it again. You're taking away the highlight of someone's work day. Oh, my God. I'm the anti-silver lining. You are a funny sponge. I'm robbing people of their silver lining.

Lydia says, Anytime I get to squeeze sebaceous cysts, although smelly, so satisfying. By the way, I'm a... Message cuts off. Vet? A doctor? Doctor.

The nurse. What's a sebaceous cyst? So they're the real juicy pockets under the skin. Are they the doctor? Dr. Pimple Popper would definitely do sebaceous cysts. Yeah, they do. They're fluid filled. Yeah.

Cody says, eating my lunch and sarcastically bullying my colleagues. So there'll be a trip to HR for Cody in the near future, I see.

Jo, what's the highlight of your work day? I'm a kindy teacher, so when I roll in in the mornings, I'm greeted by about a dozen kids screaming my name.

It's like a red carpet entrance. That's a highlight. What? It is too early. I haven't seen you in weeks. Oh, that's really cute. You've got to love kids to be

a kindy teacher, don't you? That to me, Jo, sounds like my worst nightmare. Well, it kind of makes it worse that honestly you walk in and you might be having a bit of a rubbish morning with your own kids at home or something. And then like they're all so glad to see you.

And it's like, no, this is why I'm here. Yeah, but then they wet their pants. Yeah. You've got to gloss over that part. Yeah. Yeah. And then just hang out for the next morning where it all happens again. Where it all happens again.

You've only been here a week. Hayley Fletch does that too. Oh, okay. Yeah, wets his pants. I can deal with that. Probably once a fortnight Gets a bit excited It depends

Forgets about it Depends how much water I'm drinking And you can tell He's going to do it Because he holds his penis And crosses his legs And we say

Do you need to go to the toilet Fletch And he says No I don't need to go to the toilet Because I get real embarrassed To ask Michaela What's the highlight Of your work day

Good morning I am a barista Probably my highlight Would be making hot chocolates for little kids and putting them down in front of them with like an extra marshmallow or a bit of chocolate and they just like light up and smile. That's cute. It's so cute.

And then their mum's like, we don't eat those. We don't do sugar in our house. Yeah, they're a sugar-free household. And they're just like, oh, sugar, yay. Do these include gelatin in them? We're a vegan household. That trick also works for me, though, Michaela. That would happily work for me with my mocha.

I love it. It's bringing a lot of joy to our days. Thanks, Nicole, Michaela. Christy, what's the highlight of your workday? So I'm a truck driver for a skip-in company, Work days. Yeah. Thanks, Nicole McKayla. Christy, what's the highlight of your work day? So I'm a truck driver for a skip bin company, and the highlight of my day is when customers compliment me but then also follow it with, you make this job look easy. Oh, nice.

You make this job look easy. That's nice to hear. It looks hard getting those skips on the truck. See, the hard part is when you're having to squeeze underneath power lines, the side gutterings of houses and low-hanging trees. There's a lot of obstacles. I know, big fan. I wouldn't have even thought about looking up.

Yeah, a lot of people don't. A lot of people don't. You didn't pick up that bin from Vaughan when he hid inside because it was overfilled. No, I don't venture out that far. That was an old man.

Oh, that was an old man. Okay, right. Not a young Christy. Okay, Christy, thanks you. Call some more texts to finish up. Another truck driver.

I get a huge buzz when kids do the air horn arm pump. You always got to blow the horn. They look so stoked. Sometimes I do that too. If you're out on a country road,

if you're on the side of the road and a truck's coming, you've got to give the air horn. Yeah. Absolutely. I do it too.

Sometimes truck drivers look grumpy and you're like, way to pass on the grump by not tooting. Someone said the highlight of my workday is 100% getting coffee with my work wife.

I hate Wednesdays as she works off site Work wife I mean if you're single ask her out No but I assume that was one woman Identifying the other woman as a work wife You can still go on a date You can still ask her out A lunchtime slap on the pokies at Muddy's in Mercer. Now, that sounds like a bunch of gibberish put together.

Muddy's is a pub on the side of the road at Mercer between Auckland and Hamilton. It's that petrol station. There's a McDonald's there. There's like a stop there. You can get like a Pocono bacon sandwich. Go to Muddy's. I had lunch at Muddy's once.

Bloody good meal at Muddy's. Oh, I don't like stopping there. I don't know, something about... You're almost home. That's why you're almost home and you're in bloody big John Rush to get home. You've got to get there as soon as possible. We meet mum there when the kids are going to mum and dad's place. Great place to stop.

Muddy's does a good meal. Muddy's does a good... You know what I like about Muddy's meal the most? Good size. And I don't even know it had pokies. So there's another tick in the box for Muddies. That's for free, Muddies. I'm a little –

Flat-fodden Hayley, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Quite often, silly little pole is shorter than the introduction. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Quite often, Silly Little Pole is shorter than the introduction. It is. But we love that. It's the way it should be.

And we asked on Instagram last night. Sleeping with someone from work, yes or no? Controversial given our situation, Fletch. Yes, there were the rumours for a while. Oh, the rumours were swirling. The rumours were swirling. They were. You always got rumours about the gals at work.

Oh, remember the rumours about Caitlin and I? Yeah, she had to leave because it got a bit much. It got a bit much, yeah. Oh, wow. And then even when I, I think over the holidays, she had this Instagram, she put up something on Instagram and people were like, oh, good to see you guys are rekindling the romance. Oh, wow.

I feel slightly jealous, I'll say. He's a real heartbreaker over here. Don Juan. Absolute Don Juan. Absolutely. The ladies are lining up. Is that the guy in Narcos? No.

Don Juan's the infamous lover. Oh, right. Okay. Don Juan's the... Don Juan's like the infamous lover. Oh, right. Okay. Don Juan's a Marco? What was his full name? Well, Casanova. Yeah, Casanova. Real Casanova.

Real Casanova. Yeah. Sleeping with someone from work, 30% of people said, yeah, go for it. 70% of people said, no, bad idea.

Is that because those 30% had a good outcome? Yeah, maybe they met their forever. Because a lot of people do. Like, bad idea. Is that because those 30% had a good outcome? Yeah, maybe they met their forever. Because a lot of people do. Like if you're working together, you know. Remember Pam and Jim on The Office? Yeah. That wasn't real life, but okay.

I'm more of a Tim and a Dawn. I'm more of a Tim and Dawn. I'm a purist, I'm original. Good for you. I mean, America gave us 10 seasons, so what can you say? Yeah. Well, they overdid it

and dragged it on for too long. Could say that. Catherine messaged in. She wasn't happy to just vote. Yeah. She wanted to let us know. A workmate and I had worked together

for three years, approximately. Yeah. Nothing ever happened, but we both found ourselves single. One thing led to another. Two and a half years later, we're celebrating our first wedding anniversary

and expecting our first baby in June. Yes. It does not always end badly. Tell that to HR, though. This person who wished to remain anonymous doesn't have that sort of sweet Catherine touch of a baby in a wedding. I'm sleeping with two different people from my group. He, he, he.

P.S. Keep me anonymous. I also got the little he, he, he face. Your little he, he, he face. Scandalous. Keep me anonymous. Yeah, a little he he he face. Scandalous. Keep me anonymous. I love it. I need to know more. Like, are they in different departments or the same department?

Is one like high up and one's like the janitor? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got top bottom. Yes. Go top bottom. Sleep with the CEO and sleep with the dude that walks around with the mail stuff. She's a sandwich. Yeah.

Yeah. She's the meat in the middle. Yeah. Between the top and the bottom. She's bringing together the different departments. In the company sandwich. She's a sandwich. Yeah. She's the meat in the middle. Yeah. Between the top and the bottom. She's bringing together the different departments. In the company sandwich. And in the end,

she thinks she's going to go for the CEO, but she goes for the male guy. He's got a heart of gold. Good heart. Good heart. Bulge. Did you just say

he's got a heart of gold? Heart of bulge. He's got a heart and a bulge. It's also good though in that circumstance. Somebody said, I think I'll just leave her name out of it. Yeah.

Even though she hasn't requested anonymity. Yeah. Our IT manager. Okay. They sleep with the IT manager. Put on the IT manager. Yeah. Put on there, because I've got a picture of the IT manager.

Yeah. He's out there in his little pocket protector. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Our IT support was much improved as a result. Hashtag worth it. Oh, there you go. You're getting a bit of everything.

One for the team. You're getting the computer problems sorted, the printer recalibrated. Yep. And yourself recalibrated. Yeah, you're getting a bit of recalibration by pressing all your control alt deletes. Beck said, I met my now husband

at work. I had to leave six months into the relationship as workplace romances were forbidden. Whereabouts are they forbidden?

Dubai. Oh, you probably. But they're generally just poo-pooed, aren't they? Yeah, I don't know if they can legally do that, can they?

Well, when it goes badly, as a lot of relationships do. Yeah. It affects the work. It affects the workplace, doesn't it? I left my old job and slept with someone the last week I was there, then ended up coming back to that job a year later.

Not ideal. No. No, that's not ideal. That's very awkward. And here's, this is a big one. This is from M. Okay. This hot new manager was on summer secondment at the resort I was contracted to.

We started bumping into each other outside of work. There was a local pub he frequented. I didn't drink at the time, but I've never drunk so much beer in my life because I'd always go to the pub to try to cross paths. Oh, okay. He left at the end of January, and it wasn't until then that I realised I missed him and had a thing for him. I flew back to New Zealand for a weekend, booked a five-star hotel, and asked him to join me.

He's 17 years older than me. I thought you asked them to join me. He's 17 years older than me. I thought you were going to stop there. He's 17 years old. Hey, we've been together 10 years. We got married at the resort we worked at and met at eight years ago. Oh my God. So throw caution to the wind and F your boss.

They use the full F word, by the way. I won't say it. Throw caution to the wind and F your boss. It could definitely be worth it. I won't say it. Throw caution to the wind and F your boss. It could definitely be worth it. I love that. It's been a little survey. A little survey conducted. They asked respondents

what pet names are the most cringiest? Which ones they use and which are the most cringiest? Right. Because you call your wife when you call her Sharts, don't you? Sharts. Sharts, eh? Or Mates.

Mates, yeah. Or Pal. You don't have any. She calls you Bertie, though, doesn't she? Sometimes. Bertie. Bertman. Is Bertie on the list?

Bertie's not on the list. I'll go through the most popular starting at the bottom. 4.7% respondents. Princess. Oh no. Don't you dare. Don't you... Okay, Princess. That's what you say to somebody when they're being in high demand.

Very demanding. Yeah, alright Princess. Calm down, Princess. I would flip a table. Just like the true Princess. Oh, I don flip a table. Just like the true princess. Oh, I don't like this one so much. Number nine. This goes either way. I guess princess is more sort of gendered towards women.

But who am I to say? Number nine, baby boy or baby girl? How are you, baby girl? I know baby girl. What about baby without the girl? Is that on the list? Taihoa. Okay.

5% of respondents. Up above that Number 8 Boo Boo I don't like it I don't like any of these That's my boo Unless you're Asha

Yeah Asha can call you My boo Who was that with? Kelly? Kelly Roberts? Nelly Nelly and Kelly No that was Dilemma

But didn't they do The my boo as well? I think it's No They sing Alicia Keys and Asha Okay well unless you're Asha or Nelly My boo Don't say boo Boo But didn't they do the my boo as well? I think it's... Alicia Keys and Usher. Okay, well, unless you're Usher or Nelly... My boo.

Don't say boo. Boo. No boo. Number seven, Sweetie Pie. Oh, at 7.6%. Sweetie Pie. Sweetie Pie, can you empty the dishwasher? It's a no from me.

Again, it's something when I'm being passively, aggressively reminded, Sweetie Pie, those bins out? Yeah. It's never been said, but it's got a real tone to it, doesn't it? Yeah, it's very similar to princess. Number six, and this is the one that has upset me the most. Yeah. Honey bun.

Honey bun. No one says honey bun. Yeah, what, 7.7% of respondents are honey bun. Honey bun. Honey bun. Ugh. I love you, honey bun. They all sound so sarcastic.

Yeah. Don't they? Maybe it says more about us. Yeah, really patronising. Yeah. Very patronising. Number five, handsome. Hello, handsome.

So this is the cringiest. No, this is the most popular. The article, basically, the people are saying they're cringey, but they use them. So this is popular. Five, handsome. We are getting more cringey, though. Yeah, because it does seem to be very cringey. Yeah, we're coming up to sort of the usuals.

9.4% handsome. Number four, sweetie. Sweetie. These sound like things old men would say to young women. 15% of people. Oh, God, that changes the tone completely. Doesn't it? Number three, I don't like this one, honey.

Honey. Honey. Honey. Hey, honey. Not a fan. No. Number two, babe. 25% of people use babe. Hey, babe. Hmm. I might use it a little bit. It's okay. No. Number two, babe. 25% of people use babe.

Hey, babe. I might use it a little bit. It's okay. Yeah. And number one, at 29% of respondents, love. Get out, love. Hello, my love. All right, love.

Hello, love. Yeah. I will say it is a British survey. Oh, hello, my love. Hello, love. Hello, my love. How are you? They say, and they're saying 76% of people keep it in the household.

You don't take it out of the four walls of your safe house. You never sort of come out with honey bun at the pub with your mates. And 32% reveal that they're very embarrassed when their partner accidentally uses it in public. My friend's parents used to call each, the mother called the father lover. Yeah. Like, in front of my lover.

In front of everybody. Lover. So much so it was his number plate. What? Lover. And she was bunny, I think she was like honey buns. Oh, they were definitely, they're definitely swingers. Do you reckon?

A hundred percent. Oh dear. We, oh, nah. Lover. What? Well, I, it's, we don't use our real names in the house. We use a pet name. Right.

And whenever I hear, whenever Aaron says, hey, Lee, I'm always like, oh, I'm in trouble. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in big trouble. Full name. We're fighting. What's the pet name? What are your pet names? I don't know if I can say it.

It's Bean. Bean. You're's Bean. Bean. You're both Bean. We're both Bean. It's a development from Boone. He used to call me Boone, which is like a gift. That's cute. And then it was like Bee, Beebo, Bee, and now it's Bean.

Okay, Bean. He's going to hate this. He's Bean and you're Bean. You're both Bean. Bean or Beanie. Everybody's Bean. Yeah. I can't imagine Greg Grover.

Oh, poor Greg Grover from Nova. Yep, my little bean. He's a big bean, though. He's a big bean. I would have thought it would have related to his height, like a beanstalk. No, no, no. It's just sort of a development of the years of beeweeds, yeah.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Last night. Last night. You went out for a fancy dinner. I went out for a very fancy dinner. It was a delayed friend's birthday. And we went to a really, really fancy place in town. I even slapped on a bit of lippy.

Denny's. No, not Denny's. Did they have a hot skillet? Yeah. They didn't have a hot skillet. Bottomless coffee? Not bottomless coffees, but a very elegant menu. Oh.

You know, the kind of menu that there are certain ingredients where we had to Google what it was. Did someone order for the table? No. A friend ordered our shared, you know, our pâtés and stuff to start. Ooh, pâtés. We had a beautiful, it wasn't kahawhai, a beautiful smoked fish pâtés and stuff to start. Ooh, pâtés. We had a beautiful, it wasn't kahawhai, a beautiful smoked fish pâté. And then we had a chicken liver pâté to follow.

Oh, all the pâtés. We really went ham on the breads. We had a little kingfish croudon. Oh, wow. I had a beef ragout with papadeli and Aaron had some scampi. It was so beautiful. The atmos, I'm telling you. The whole time I'm thinking.

Well, everybody's on the verge of going into red, aren't they? I know. And that was sort of our farewell thing. Those people coughing at the table next to you were annoying though, weren't they? Oh my God. It was so annoying. So annoying. They were so close.

They were basically touching us. Coughing, yeah. But anyway, one thing that this certain restaurant is known for is they have Aesop hand cream and moisturiser in the bathrooms. Do you say Aesop? I say Aesop. Aesop. However it's pronounced.

How is the A-E pronounced? Aesop. Aesop. Aesop. Well, they have Aesop, you know, soap and moisturiser in the bathrooms. Right. And if you don't know this brand, it's so expensive. It's like 70 bucks for a soap.

Fletch bought one bottle once and now he fills it up with cheap soap. Yeah, he refills it with palmolive. Palmolive. Everyone that comes to my house thinks I'm like fancy and bougie. Right up until they pump it and the pink's on there

or the green's on the hand. That fluoro orange dettol smell. Yeah, and then it smells like they're in a hospital. I think it's at that stage they realise they're not a fan. But up until then, they think I'm posh. Very classy looking. Well, this soap was like, as soon as we sat down, our friend who's been there many times before was like,

you've got to go and wash your hands, believe me. And I went up and the soap was like had like a grain in it so it's sort of like you know like an exfoliating exfoliate your hands good good good good you did that

and then you took of course your individual towel yeah no paper towels individual towel and gave it a dry how fancy is this place so fancy

I don't want to even tell you what the bill was and then they have the moisturiser there so that after the soap you can add a bit of moisturiser I only ever do that at a posh restaurant soap, you can add a bit of moisturizer. I only ever do that at a posh restaurant.

Oh, yeah, you always got to moisturize. So I was putting it on my hands and I was like, this stuff smells amazing. Like that's why it is $70 to $80 a bottle. Yeah. And so I thought, carpe diem, seize the day. And so I hitched up the skirt I was wearing and I moisturised my thighs, my calves, my feet, my arms, my décolletage, the face, the ears,

the back of the neck. How did you use half a bottle? I pumped. Okay. I pumped hard on that bottle. When you got back to your seat and sat down, did you just slip straight off and onto the floor? I was like slipping

in there and I kept going through my friends and running my hands in front of their nostrils. Oh, for the smell. Smell me. Yeah. Smell my legs. Do they, um... The people who work there would definitely know when someone's... Oh, 100%. Well, I went up dry and I came down moist.

So moist. Moistened. I'd say you've been moistened. I know an opportunity when I see one. I'm not going to go in and buy an $80 hand cream for my bathroom. So I'm going to go and have a $500 dinner and use their hand cream instead. Is that how much the table was? We were celebrating. Yeah.

It was the farewell. How many people were at this table? Four. That's easy. Auckland prices. Yeah, at a nice restaurant. Auckland prices. Bottle of wine.

Bottle of wine and cocktails and lemon shallow. And minus $80 worth of body moisturiser. You actually came out on top. I was just trying to claim back. I was just trying to claim back some of that money. You came out on top. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. ZM Titsack. What a chance all this week again to win free fuel. Good morning, Georgia. How are you? Good. I'm good. Better now.

Better now? Good. All right. Well, how, what's the word? How gambly are you? How gambly. How risk adverse are you? What are you talking, an addiction or what?

I'm an accountant, so maybe not very. Oh, because that's the thing. The fuel pump could cut you off in buzz at $80 or it could cut you off at like $400. Oh, we'll give it a go. So how risk-averse is an accountant? We'll find out. Say stop at any moment.

Let's go. $10 $25 $45 $60 $90 $115 $135

$150 Stop! What are you doing, Georgia? Oh, man. You crazy accountant. This is the accountant that's going to get you a call from the IRD, I think. Georgia, $150. What?

Oh, that's awesome. Super grateful. Locked in. Let's see how high it would have gone. $175. $200. Oh! Not bad.

How quick was that $200 buzzer, too? Yeah, it was like... Because you wouldn't have even had a chance to be like, stop. No. Yeah. George, congratulations. $150 with ZMD Tank. Well done.

Thank you so much, guys. And another chance for you to play again tomorrow. And all week, we do it at 7 o'clock and 8 o'clock. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. This story made very uncomfortable listening just before the show for two reasons. It's an awkward story and the air conditioning wasn't working. So we were already sweating and then the story made me lightheaded and I didn't

like, even hearing the second hand Yeah. Horrible. I feel so embarrassed at everyone involved. I wanted to get into bed, put the do-over over my head and never come out. Yeah. Say to a doctor put me in a coma for a year until this is

all passed. As to the producer's birth we go, Executive Internanya is the sharer of this horrible, horrible story. Hey, so I was having drinks with a friend on the weekend and she told me the tale that happened to her just before Christmas. She went to a wedding and let's call her Sarah and her boyfriend Tim. Sarah and Tim.

Are we going to be able to remember that? Yeah. Okay. So they've been together for like, I think about six months. Okay, fresh. Fresh, but you know. Established.

Yeah, yeah. And she got invited to one of Tim's friends' weddings. So they went, they showed up, and they did the ceremony. Everything was tickety-boo. And then after the ceremony, they were standing around having a chat, I think drinking a glass of bubbles. And she noticed that the bride was kind of looking at her kind of weirdly and straightaway turned to Tim and said,

Am I supposed to be here? And Tim was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, what do you mean? We were good invited. And she said, was my name on the invitation? No, no, no, no, no, no. And he was like, I don't know. This is my first wedding.

This is on Tim. Yeah. Because you don't normally get a plus one to a wedding if you're a new couple. No. Yeah, because if they make it a six months a date of wedding, wedding planning would have taken before that. She would have been new on the scene.

She might have missed out. Yeah, and it definitely says on the invite. Tim, plus one. And most people specify no plus ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're a single and you're getting an invite, usually an invite might specify no plus ones. Yeah.

Yeah, awkward as. She's got no idea. This was all from Tim's like, get yourself a nice frock. We've got a wedding. Oh, I know. Get a spray tan on, hun. I'll shout. Yeah, yeah.

Was it a formal seating arrangement? Like, was there name cards? Yes. Oh, my God. I want to jump out of the car. So straight away, she was like, oh, my God, I can't be here. Like, starts looking at Ubers. She'd been there for the ceremony?

She'd been there for the ceremony. She'd experienced the intimate. The love. Yeah. Were there enough seats? So she went up straight away to the bride. This was so good from her. I reckon it was like, look, I'm so sorry.

I had no idea. Sounds an absolute meat sack. Yeah. And apparently the bride was really nice about it and was like, look, it's all good. These things happen. Give us five. We'll sort something out.

It's all good. And yeah, my friend was still like, no, no, no. I'm Give us five, we'll sort something out. It's all good. And yeah, my room was still like, no, no, no, I'm going to go, I'm going to go. But apparently somebody else hadn't showed up, so there was a spare seat. So yeah, she ended up staying. What do you mean, you'd feel like she stayed? Yeah.

You'd feel so bad sitting there when the waiter comes around and asks if you want the chicken and beef, and you're like, I'm not worthy. I don't deserve any of that, nothing. You're sitting at Grandma Ruth's place. She's not there because she's dead. Because she's dead. And like, Grandma Ruth, what would you like?

And you're like, um... How much was Tim in trouble? Well, a bit. But then six months, you know, you can't really hit the roof, I feel, at six months. Like, it's too fresh. It's too fresh. To lose your shit at someone.

To be fair, though, I got invited to Aaron's brother's wedding about six months into my relationship with Aaron and I was in the wedding photos. Oh, but did they have backups without you? Did they have photos without you? They did. Always do that. So it was me and so it was their family

five siblings, mum and dad and you know partners and husbands, wives and then there was me and Doug, my now brother-in-law, who at the time was also about six to seven months in, but we both got invited to the wedding. And then when they did full family with partners, not just siblings, they were like, Doug, Hayley, in your hop.

And I was like, I didn't know a thing about this guy. I was just very attracted to the big boy. Who knows if I'd like him. Yeah. But then they did get an option without you which is good. They did, thank God.

Otherwise you would have had to have been photoshopped out. Yeah, and we laugh about it. I met his entire family at this wedding and I'm in their wedding photos. Alternatively,

and I've done this at a couple of weddings, take charge and put them on the end so they can be cropped. Crop them out. Or just phot Photoshop the face. Yeah.

Yeah. I had a wedding. I was like, okay, and now we all get out of it. And one person wasn't leaving. I was like, come on, come on. They were like, no, no, it's all good. And I'm like, no, no, we're all getting out of it. Yeah.

Weddings, though, that'd be the biggest one, I think, if you turned up uninvited. Because you know the money that's gone into it. That's the thing, right, is you're going, oh, it's not a problem that I'm here. You'd invite me to a party maybe. Yeah. But your most special day that you're, what is it? $100, $150 a head sometimes

depending on the wedding budget. Yeah. And you weren't invited, babe. We would love to know this morning when you've turned up somewhere and it turns out you weren't invited. Maybe you were of the opinion it was an open invite, so you just went, but it was not an open invite. Or someone timmed you and told you, yeah, no, I've got a plus one.

Yeah, come on. And then you get there and that's when you realise, oh, no, no, no. Yeah, what's the moment you realised? What about those moments where, say it's an extended family member or a cousin or friend that feels jilted that they weren't invited in the first place, so they turn up anyway? They just go. Oh, yeah.

So you want that story. You want the stories from both sides. Do you reckon they'd be- When you turned up uninvited and when somebody else turned up uninvited. Just any story. I mean, to be honest, I can't believe it happens that much, right? Like, I would have left straight away. I know.

Sarah, I would have- No, but Sarah should have scanned that invite. That's a lesson for everybody. Have a look at the invite in case you get timmed. But I think your friend handled it the best way because she immediately went up to the bride and was like, I'm so sorry. I know, I'm not supposed to be here.

But if the bride had seen her and the next minute she was gone, the bride would have been, why did Tim, Sarah come for the ceremony and then leave? That's creepy. Yeah, you've got it head on. She did well. She did really well. Alright, well, have you ever turned up somewhere uninvited? Maybe it was by accident.

0800 DALS at M. Give us a call. You can text as well. 9696. We're talking about when you weren't invited. If you missed the story before, Sarah and Tim go along to a wedding. Sarah starts getting some awkward looks from the bride after the ceremony before, Sarah and Tim go along to a wedding. Sarah starts getting some awkward looks from the bride after the ceremony, before the reception.

She says to Tim, was I invited? And Tim said, well, I got an invite. To which she said, was my name on it? And Tim's like, no, but I was invited. Tim's first wedding wasn't sure of the protocol of, you know, limited numbers, keep the numbers down, the plus ones, the named invitees. Awkwardness ensues, but someone hadn't shown up. So she got to stay.

Sarah got to stay, but Sarah felt very awkward about it. So I want to know this morning, if this has ever happened to you, you've turned up and you haven't been invited, or if somebody turned up uninvited to your event. Melissa, what happened? We had a really, really small wedding like 11 years ago with 56 people. That was including me and my husband. We didn't even have our kids at the wedding.

Like a lot of family members, we just couldn't invite. We just couldn't afford it. Our kids were real little at the time. Yeah, I wasn't invited to my parents' wedding. We were kids. Yeah, and so, you know, I had this little wedding. And then at the ceremony, I sort of had noticed that one of my husband's cousins

had brought his girlfriend that I'd never met before. I didn't even know he was dating her. And then, like, was like, what the hell? And then was like, okay, well, is she staying? Because there were a few people that were kind of staying for the ceremony and not the reception. And I had my mother-in-law come up and say, oh, I'm really sorry, but, you know, they've brought the reception. Yeah. And I had my mother-in-law come up and say, oh, I'm really sorry, but, you know, they've brought the girlfriend

and if they have to take her home, they all have to go, which is including, like, his godfather and, you know, the other cousins and there was a whole bunch of them that was absolutely...

I was going to say, see you later. That is some bullshit. Come in here, mother-in-law. They were like, we'll sort it, we'll sort it, it's all good.

So, you know, they went and sort of paid for her extra meal. And then we'd done a seating arrangement where everyone had told us prior if they wanted the salmon or the chicken meal. And so everyone had been placed in a certain spot and they had like a sticker system where they waited and knew exactly who was having what where they were sitting.

And it basically threw everybody off. Oh, no. And if you want chicken, you get salmon. They're not like for life. They're not comparable. No, no. And if you want chicken, you get salmon. Yeah. They're not like for life. They're not comparable. No, no. They're not interchangeable at all. And then they put one of my husband's friends, the only place, the place that they had to

move, who was sitting next to the cousin, had to move him and there was no other seat to put him at all because this place was really little. It was like a really beautiful little bar and restaurant. They had to put him opposite us on our head table. What? Oh, no. So the head table was just set up to face the people who were there to celebrate your nuptials, and he's like got his back to all of them, and he's gawking at you guys from

a foot and a half away. Oh, no. No, no, no, no. That is terrible. I heard that cousin is blacklisted from all of you. Absolutely. Melissa, thanks for your call. Carly.

Did she just call waiting us? She just called. Should we wait for your call. Carly. Did she just call waiting us? Carly, yeah. Should we wait for her? Well, absolutely, because what's more important? Yeah. Who's she talking to? Because she hasn't hung up. She's literally, she's called us and another call's come through

and she's had to take it. Do you reckon she's ringing the person who she's going to refer to in this story just to be like, is this okay? No, because they would have had to have called her for a call waiting to be. Otherwise we'd be on hold while she had three-way called us. How long are we going to refer to in this story, just be like, is this okay? No, because they would have had to have called her for a call waiting to be... Otherwise we'd be on hold while she had three-way called us. How long are we going to get this?

I, to be totally honest, didn't know call waiting was even still a thing. Oh, yeah. I do it all the time. Do you? I say, oh, it's my mum. So usually when it's my mum, I'll be like, oh, hang on, it's mum.

I'll go on. But why don't you just decline mum? Decline mum and call mum back in... Decline my mother? In five minutes. I'll regret that one day. And she'll be gone. She'll be ringing you to tell you it's your final breath.

Yeah, and I'm like, decline. Well, just say to your friend, hey, my mum's on the other line, I'll call you back. End call. One day my friend will be gone and I'll regret that. Well, you can't live your life wondering when everyone's going to die. Kalia. I think we're...

I mean, the nation waits. I think as a nation, we wait. I'm happy to wait. We are a team of five million. Well, we've got nothing else to do. I've got to... I'm clearing my schedule. Hold on.

I'm literally... I've got nothing else to do. Carly is going to be so embarrassed when she comes back. Executive intern Anya, clear my schedule. Yeah, we're not having a meeting after this. Jared, help Anya clear my schedule for the day. It's a very full schedule. Rope help Anya clear my schedule for the day. It's a very full schedule.

Rope in, Carween, if you need to, but I need it done ASAP. We're waiting for Carlean. We're not going anywhere. We're not going anywhere. I'd be happy to wait. I'd be happy to wait. What if her story's really shit? It does not matter. You have to tell her that it can't be.

There's multiple questions to be answered here. What's Carlean's situation? Who did we get call waiting for? How long does call waiting go for? No, forever, you. We just stay as long as we're happy to wait. Are we happy to wait for eternity? I would be happy.

We've got some dot, dot, dots on our group chat. Come on, Anna. Fun place. Are we going to go to Sarah? We can't go to Sarah. We don't know what has happened to Carly. What if Carly comes back and now we've put her on waiting again? I don't want to. I feel like in the minute we go to Sarah, Carly is know what has happened to Carlea. What if Carlea comes back and now we've put her on waiting again? I don't want to.

I feel like in the minute we go to Sarah, Carlea is going to come back. And then she's going to be like, I don't have time now because this other call was. I had 30 seconds to give you a wrap up. Sarah's been waiting for five minutes. We don't care. Carlea. Would you like to read some text messages, Vaughan, that we've received? I can do that.

I can do that. This text, for example, I feel like we need to wait for Kalia. We do. We absolutely do. Friends, wedding's coming up. We've RSVP'd. Yes, we're going to book flights and hotel and thought we should just check if babies can come as we have a baby.

And they said no babies. So we almost bought an uninvited baby. But now are they not going or are they finding someone to look after the baby? It's a fair policy. Kids don't care about weddings. No. And then they ruin the parents' day. Yes. almost bought an uninvited baby, but now are they not going or are they finding someone to look after the baby? It's a fair policy. Oh, no, kids. Kids don't care about weddings. No, no. And then they ruin the parents' day.

Yes. Well, they ruin everybody's day with their wah. You ruin everybody's day with your wah too, mate. No, she's not there. I thought, I know. Sarah's gone. Sarah's clocked out. We still, as if you just joined us,

Kalia put us on call waiting while we had her on waiting. And now to be the better and bigger people, we've got to us on call waiting while we had her on waiting. And now to be the better and bigger people, we've got to wait for her to come back to hear her story. She's having a bright old yarn at 8.30 in the morning with someone, isn't she? Yeah. We're willing to wait, by the way. We'll wait this out forever.

We'll wait this out as long as it takes. This is no longer a music station. No, no, no, no. This is a call waiting station. Today's call waiting. If you came here for some Kid Leroy, you're a damn bit of luck. You're a shit of luck, mate.

If you came here for some Kid calleroy, you're out of luck. You're out of luck, mate. If you came here for some kid call waiting, welcome aboard. There you go. I turned up to our friend's wet the head for their new baby. My husband assumed we were both invited, but of course, a wet the head is a boys event.

What is a wet the head? So, it doesn't happen a lot anymore. It used to be the tradition as the mother would give birth, the husband would walk out, smoke a cigar, and go out for some beers with the lads while all this baby nonsense got taken care of. But of course you try that

nowadays. That's madness because a friend of mine is having a baby and he's like, do we still do a wet the head? And all of us are like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You stay with your partner and offer them any support they need for the next forever. Thank you. Yeah. Don't go out for a wet the head. You're off on the wrong foot there again.

I have never had a baby Never felt maternal instincts But just when you said that The mother in me Yeah Arose It flares It flares

Um Haleah Still waiting Alright We were married in 2018 Invited my friend and her on again off again boyfriend She RSVP'd for herself But since she'd be coming alone

As they were off at the time of RSVPing, fast forward to our wedding, they were on again and the partner comes. We had no seat for him, no meal for him. He stayed for the reception and we had to do a major seat reshuffle and he ended up on the most crowded table. Very awkward. Don't do that. If you said no, stick to your no.

Yeah. Stick to your no. Somebody said, I am going to be late for work waiting for Kalia, but I'm willing to do it. Now, what I'm thinking is we play the song, but play the call waiting in the background. In the background? Happy to do it.

As soon as she answers, we pause the song to immediately take the call because we can't put her on hold because she might come back. We've got to leave her line on. Yes. What song is it? We can't put her on hold because she might come back. Yeah, we've got to leave her line on. Yes. What song is it? We can't wait this long. I think the song will mix in nicely with the tone. I'm going to have to kick off the song.

What note is that though? Don't go anywhere. Do, do, what key is that? Do, a, le, pa, key. Yeah, it goes well with it. Listen. Oh, it's a semi-tone. It's not good.

It's a little bit out. I think it's the remix. This song's badly neat. Yeah. Okay, well, don't go anywhere, ZM. Is she there? Wait, hello? Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hey! Hey! It's Andy! Kalia, who were you talking to? We've been waiting for you, babe. Kalia. No, I don't know.

I don't know what I did. Oh, you put us on hold on call waiting. No, no, we were waiting for you, babe. Kalia. No, I don't know. I don't know what I did. Oh, you put us on hold on call waiting. No, no, we were waiting for you. You were waiting for us. And then we came to you and you put us on call waiting and we were waiting for you. This is the start of a fantastic script. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God. Kalia, the nation. So you weren't on another call. You weren't talking to somebody else about something important. No, no. I don't know what I did. I was at work. The nation was holding their breath for you, Kalia somebody else about something important. No, no, I don't know what I did. I was at work. I was holding their breath for you, Kalia.

Oh, Kalia. Now, tell us a story about the time when you weren't invited. And no pressure. No pressure. It needs to be a good story. And apologies to Dua Lipa. Oh, God, it better be a good one. Okay.

So I was invited to a friend's 21st when I was at university. Yep. And I didn't know, but there was two separate invitations. So one was like 10 p.m. arrive. One was like 8 p.m. arrive. And I asked a girl I knew for a ride, and she told me to be ready about like, I think she said like 7. And I thought, oh, my invocation says 10.

But I don't know why I didn't question it. And I just thought, I don't know, maybe we're going early or something. Three hours early. So we turned up, and then, pardon? No, no, carry on, carry on, carry on. And then we turned up, and I realised that there was, like, an early session for, like, speeches and family and close friends, and then there was, like, a wider one at 10pm.

I've never heard of that. I've heard of this, the two stage 21st. And Carlea, this stage you must be thinking. Yeah, I turned up for the early one. Yeah, you're a loose goose. Oh no. They don't want Carlea, the party girl, there to get her boobs out in front of Nana.

No. Yeah, that's a good idea because. And I was hearing speeches. Yeah, right. Were you quickly, as you were listening to these speeches, realising and constructing a speech in your head? In case you were called upon? No, I didn't have to talk.

But she kept looking at me. And then when everyone else arrived at 10pm, I was like, no, that's right. That's my call time. That's when you want to go. Because you don't want to hear all the granddad and uncle speeches. The day you were born. You don't want that.

You just want to arrive at 10 and you've preloaded, and it's a good night. I'm happy we waited for that, Carly. Thank you. Me too. Different to anything we had. I'm sorry. Restarting the song.

We've lost Dua Lipa. Yeah, well, no, I'm having to restart the song. Absolutely. Is it the Dua Lipa, Eldon John call wedding remix? Sadly, not this time. ZM. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. This is dark Okay Oh that wasn't the right intro then I had Well sometimes when you're selecting fact of the day, it's five o'clock in the afternoon and you've had a whiskey. It was half past seven. I just watched Country Calendar and I was half a bottle of room temperature Chardonnay deep.

Okay, right. So your judgment at the time was... Don't you know about a room temperature Chardy? If there's a wine you should not have at room temperature, it's Chardy. I like a room temperature Chardy. I like how it looks like wheeze when it's in the glass. You are a middle-aged woman. Oh,oddy. I like a room temperature shoddy. I like how it looks like wheeze when it's in the glass. You are a middle-aged woman.

Oh, yuck. I am. This is dark. Okay, I'm just going to say it. It's dark, though. We're braced. Consider us braced. In the later stages of the burning at the stake...

Burning people at the stake happened throughout history Yes Hasn't been done for a little while In England the last burning at the stake Endorsed by church and state Was in 1697 Okay

Yeah So it's going back a little while Since it was a government endorsed burning at the stake Yeah right Yeah at home ones Yeah yeah yeah Perhaps slightly later Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perhaps slightly later.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They keep going. But that's actually the start of it too. It was more of like a lynch mob situation than it ever was like an official. Right. It was so horrible. Wasn't it about the witches and stuff as well?

Yeah, and then they used them in the witch trials when they thought people were a witch because they burned them at the stake and they'd say, Burn her, she's a witch. Yeah, if they're a witch, if we burn her and she's a witch, she'll survive.

If she dies, then she wasn't a witch. Right. But it's best to know. But it's best to know. And do you think at any stage they were like, oh, none of these people have been witches? Yeah, pretty much. They didn't catch on to that.

Yeah. We haven't got a single witch on the record. Well, if we can take a positive, still no witches. Hey! Whose idea was that? That sounds like a witch's idea. Burn her! Burn them as well.

So in the later stages of the burning at the stake, people started to realise this is a pretty nasty way to end somebody's life. So it was an invention. What is this fact of the day? You need to calm down on the Chardonnay. But it's still fascinating. Right. A gunpowder collar was the...

Vaughan, this is not appropriate for fact of the day ever. It's dark. I know, yes. Hey, people like Squid Games? People like Squid Games? Lots of people watch Squid Games? You have a fair point there. That's true. Because I was like, when I started watching Squid Games. Lots of people watch Squid Games. You have a fair point there. That's true.

Because I was like, when I started watching Squid Games, I was like, this is dark. But that is R-rated and it is fiction. Yeah. It's scripted drama. Yeah. This is, oh, this actually happened. This is called fact of the day.

Yeah. The opposite of fiction of the day. Well, this is a fact that it happened. I'm going to go into the details of how it went. I feel like the diagram I found of how you make them doesn't, you know, fine. Mawen, you need to check your facts of the day, please, in the morning when you're sober.

I did just before. So what is the fact of the day? That towards the end of the capital punishment of burning people at the stake to hurry up the horrible process, they invented something called a gunpowder collar. What would it do? It would blow your head off.

It would end it. Do you know what? Okay, I'm going to get back on board with this fact of the day. I'd prefer that. It's quicker. Because you'd be like, well, I mean, burning's going to be horrible. Okay, let's not get into that. Yeah.

Okay. Boom. Hot. A little bit hot. Done it. Famously Hot. And over. A little bit hot. Done it. Famously fire. Oof. Warmer than usual.

So today's fact of the day is, I think I said it enough. You did. I think we can just sing the jingle. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. I don't get flinched started on something called the non-spawn 90s that now has a sponsor. Because, boy, he was shitty about that before, wasn't he? That's not the thing.

We're happy to have him on board. The non-spawn 90s starts in a moment's time. I said one thing to you this morning. You've blown this apart. And one thing to you this morning. Blown this apart. And you've really taken this out. Chaos. To be honest, I woke up this morning and I said to myself, hmm, I've got too much chaos on board.

Thank you so much for sharing it with us. This has been a very chaotic show. I will explain why I said this to you this morning. That yesterday I saw people that had finished the Auckland Marathon and Half Marathon. By the way, 10k or 11k? Yeah. Quarter marathon. Sorry, 10 and a bit k.

22. No, 21, 42. 42 point something. Too hot. Oh, ridiculously hot. Yeah. Because when's it supposed to start? The first weekend of November.

Yeah, and so it was postponed. Spring. You've got spring. You've got the chilly spring mornings. You've got the fresh spring. Even the hottest spring day at that time in the morning, it's still horrible. You have sunblock in your eyes.

Oh, muggy as buggery. That would have slowed me down. And the chafing. Imagine the chafe. So these people, I'm saying these people are insane athletes. Yeah. These people are legends in their own field. So now Fletch, mow them down at the knee in a tall poppy syndrome.

I'm not mowing them down. I'm just saying when I've... Tell everybody how you woke up at some leisurely hour and had some big breakfast of whatever and then looked out the window and judged athletes. Go on. No, all I said was I did one marathon, half marathon. How many years ago?

10 years ago? No. 11, 12. 13 years ago. So I've only ever done one half marathon, the Auckland half marathon. In 2008. Did a pretty good time too, like an hour 31. Yeah.

Yeah. Pretty good time. That is good. Didn't get a medal. Do you know everyone now, it's like a Kiwi Bloody Kids Weet-Bix Triathlon. Everyone gets a medal. Don't come for the kids. Everybody gets a medal.

No, he's got a real problem with the Kiwi Kids Triathlon. Why? Everyone gets a medal? There should be three medals. First, second, third. Gold, silver, bronze. He doesn't want them all getting a medal for trying. They spell triathlon as in, I'm going to give this a try.

Try your best. It's not breeding winners. Not what the try stands for. Are you saying that if you were to run a marathon again and they went by your medal system, that you would be aiming for a gold, silver or bronze? No, I'm just saying that I didn't get a medal. I got a downloadable certificate.

Did you print it? No. Well, that's on you. They gave you something for your efforts. Did you get some race photos with the big white blurb across them? Yeah. But I'm just saying, could I get one retrospectively? What?

15 years ago? Yes. No, 12 years ago. A participation medal. I felt sure we got a medal. No, we didn't get a medal because this has irked me for a few years. Every time I see someone that's done the half. Because they run right by your house, don't they?

They do, yeah. And I'm like, well, I didn't get a medal. That's not fair. Well, they didn't have a medal when they were running past your house. If they had a medal on for running this excess weight, they didn't do it. No, they walked past afterwards. Yeah. Okay.

Why have I got a medal? Because they used to give them if you did the whole full marathon. Oh, I don't want to bring it up, but you have done a full marathon. Did you do a 42? Yeah. My man. Yeah.

Shame on you. Three hours 35. Wow. Yeah, sub four. It's always good dining out on former glories, eh? Because how long would it take you now?

Oh my God. I don't even think I could do it. I'm dying. I could die. Oh, the knees. The shins. Oh, the shins. Theins. Oh, the shins.

The back. The back. The shoulders. The neck. The eyes. Just naming everybody that's ached lately. Yeah. Well, maybe if someone did the Auckland Marathon and they don't give a toss about their student

participation. It'll be the wrong year. I want my year half medal. So you want someone to go and get a one off? I don't deserve one because I didn't win. I don't think you deserve one. You didn't win. I didn't win.

Or come second or come third, which is how you think that they should be awarded. Yeah. Huh. Interesting how he wants a medal, but he doesn't think anybody should get medals. You're not even a bronze. But he wants a medal.

I think that's what they call a hypo-crite. I think that's how it's said. Hypo-crite. I'm almost willing to bet anything on it. Try a refreshing McCafe iced coffee. Available now at Macca's. Play. ZM's Flex for the Nelly.

Four minutes away from nine. We're just having a rigorous debate in the studio about who we think will be the first to catch the new Omicron variant of COVID between the three of us. You've got to have fun with it. Yeah. You know? If you're not having fun with it, are you doing it right?

Our vote's on Vaughn. It'll be me. Via school kids. School kids. Yeah. And... Gym. Gym.

I never thought about the gym. The gym. Do you think people are going to put off going to the gym? I'm not. And I eat people's leftovers at a food court. I'll thought about the gym. The gym. Do you think people are going to put off going to the gym? I'm not. And I eat people's leftovers at a food court. You do. Yeah, you do. Like half a burger.

Yeah, cans of Coke, everything. Sip on the old straw. I'll give the can a shake if it's got something. Just have a drink. Yeah. Yeah. The fact that I sneak into dental hygienists and pretend to work there and have a good look at people's mouths and then lick my fingers

and go, blip, in their mouth. Yeah, your first. Your first. It'll be me. It'll be me. I reckon I'm not going to get it.

He isn't dead. Ha! I was right. Are you kidding me? He isn't dead. They wrote him out on the show. They wrote him out on the show. He's not dead in real life.

Oh. Sorry, that was just a tag on an off-air conversation we had. So that was two conversations. We were talking about who's going to die. You've been watching Afterlife. No was two conversations. We were talking about who's going to die. You've been watching Afterlife. No, we're not going to talk about who's going to die.

Who's going to catch Omicron first? Yep. There. It's already in me. Oh, my gosh. And then we were talking about David Bradley, who played Ricky Gervais' father on Afterlife. I thought he died in real life.

You guys are telling me he died in real life. He was in Harry Potter. He was in Game of Thrones. But there was an older Game of Thrones actor who did die last year. And maybe we're confusing. Yeah, right. And he got written out on the show, didn't he, last season? Yeah.

David Bradley, not dead. Right, okay. Well, that's good for him. Yep, 79. God, he looks 99, doesn't he? Yeah, which is perfect. Those are older roles because they're all dead. Next on the show, somebody has been rummaging around the rubbish bin.

We're not paying them enough. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Someone's been rummaging in the bin and it's that little bin rummager. Little trash man. Little trash boy. Little rubbish boy. Little rubbish boy. How dare you. Producer Jared, tell everybody why you were scavenging in the bins.

Because the middie lost her mouth guard. Does she play hockey? Yeah, she does rugby. She does one of the big tackling positions. The big tackling positions. One of the big tackling. Aren't they all the big tackling positions? No, there's some bigger tackling positions. Oh, okay. The big ones. Yeah, she's one of the big tackling. Aren't they all the big tackling positions? No, there's some bigger tackling positions.

Oh, okay. The big ones. Yeah, she's one of the big ones. What are you meaning? It's sort of like a retainer. It's one of the ones that you put in at night time so you don't like ground your teeth down to stumps. Oh, I've got one of those.

Yeah. Grinder. What are they called? Yeah, I've got a grinder. I had one of those for a little bit, but it wasn't for me. It's a normal retainer. Yeah, and it's like see-through and kind of slimy at all times. How does it hold on to the teeth?

Why is? I don't know, but it makes a real nice... So do you have to give her a good night kiss before she does that? Yeah. What's that kissing gummy old grandma? I always try to suck the spit out of it before I give Erin a kiss. So you put it in and you go, night babe.

Good night. I'll see you in the morning i might feel like my teeth will be long now i'd go rummaging in the bin if i lost mine yeah it's a couple hundred bucks i think yeah and so she accidentally threw it out yeah so i woke up to her like absolutely tearing our room apart trying to find it. And then I was like, kind of offhandedly, like a flippant comment, if you tried the bin. And no jokes, there it was. There it was. On top of last night's leftovers. Did she wear it that night?

Yeah, she did. Was it like a vegetable curry? It was. There was some potato salad. There were like chicken bones. So you're going to taste a bit like mayonnaise yeah probably did so did anybody else

do that when like when we were playing hockey we used to soak our mouth guard in Raro no and like and then you'd pop it in and it would taste nice

it would stop you because you know sports mouth guard sometimes you go like and then once you start gagging you can't stop but if it tasted like Raro

it killed the gag when I had that's just a general way to stop gagging actually Koda like Raro, it killed the gag. That's just a general way to stop gagging, actually. Raro. Koda and Raro. Koda and Raro. And by it,

what do you mean? Anything. The vegetables. Okay, vegetables. Lovers. I did Invisalign, which are like retainer-based teeth straightening,

and I was on a plane, a long-haul trip when we could travel, and I put it, I took it out and stuck it in my lap so I could have my little plane meal. Ate my meal, they took it away. I was like, I need to go to the toilet.

Stood up, came back and there it was in the aisle because it had just fallen off my lap onto the aisle. I picked it up and put it right back in. Well, you didn't rinse it. No. Did you like wipe it? Oh, I might have given it a bit of a sleeve sleeve And then you pop it in

You can't have it out for long Your teeth go all crooked Alright Aaron I'm going to try to get some sleep now Give us a little kiss ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley