ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 24th January 2023

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

Top 6: MIQ Billion  Silly Little Poll!  Hayleys cool Rash   Carwen wasted 2 hours...  Bissel!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Try the refreshing McCafe iced coffee available now at Macca's. I have not done my tax return for the last financial year. Oh my goodness. You mean the one that ended last March 31st?

Yeah. You will hear today, podcast listener, how out of control Hayley's admin and life is. And it's because you're very organised. I'm super, super organised. But I guess the renos that you're doing are taking the priority. Taking everything out of it. And the reason that we didn't,

I would usually get my tax return done quite quickly last year after March 31st because it's not that complicated I use software and all this but we sold a house and that complicated things but we didn't own the house for long enough so then we had to pay tax on it and da da da da and then I had to go through all this other stuff

and then I got a recommendation for an accountant from you guys and you hooked me up with your accountant and the lovely Helen and she's been so great waiting for me to do this all so yesterday we decided we'd meet up. She's been waiting since March 31st

or the 1st of April. And any time she'd catch up with you guys I'd like run away because I'd be like hey Helen and I didn't want to. I don't think you can just run away from taxes No, but I'm doing it because it's not Jew It's not over Jew You would flourish in Dubai

Hayley would flourish in Dubai No taxes I would simply flourish No taxes And then not that conservative I could wear a tiny little mini skirt Yeah, yeah In Dubai

Yeah, you can And you don't really have much time for human rights No No You can turn a blind eye to exploiting Filipino workers. Oh, doesn't she? You know me. Little Miss Exploiter.

Little Miss Exploitation. Anyway, but yesterday I mentioned to you guys that when I met up with Helen, we decided to have lunch. And we had a beautiful lunch at quite a little poncy Auckland place yesterday. She'd know how to get the tax back on that. Absolutely she would. Yeah, it's a business expense. That's why I said to her, I'll pay.

And I said, don't you worry, my accountant will know that this is a business expense. Because she was. Because it was a business expense. Well, not strictly. We talked about business for five minutes of it. Like, here's your taxes. Do you agree?

Yes, sign this. Okay, goodbye. She'll only claim 95% of it. Or only 5% rather. Boo. If it's... Yeah, she does it by the book 95% of it, or only 5% rather. Boo. If it's... Yeah, she does it by the book. Yes.

See, my old accountant, she was a bit more, you know, flexible. Really? Yeah, good on her. Wow, okay. No, I'm kidding. Vaughan and I have never had a lunch, have we? No, no lunch. Not even a scone or a coffee.

Really? Not a scone or a coffee. Oh, we caught a... I suggested wine, in fact, but she has to drive quite fast, so she said no. And then I remembered it was day one of me not drinking during the week so that so that went well for you too because i was gonna do that yeah and i i was thirsty yeah and then the alcoholic beverages i can't drink during the week i don't know how you guys do it see you're you're always good i've been shocking at it and and i've so i'm not drinking monday tuesday wednesday thursday at the moment right well i say at the moment it's tuesday morning so let's see let's see yeah but

yeah i know we suggested wine that we had a goss we're good talked about our families and our you know i guess we're just i guess my books are just better than yours or something like that wow yeah no free lunch for us no free lunch i hope lunch. I hope you get your accountancy breakdown of the costs and she charges you per quarter hour for that lunch. Yes. Imagine. Because we sat there for like 90 minutes. No, she doesn't do that because whenever I've called her with questions,

we have a good personal chat for 15 minutes on the phone. She's a hoot, yeah. She's a great person. And then another 15 minutes of business. I never get charged for the first 15 minutes Which I think is great Yeah, we talked about you guys a little bit She thinks you're just lovely

Oh lovely Oh she was saying how is it working for the boys I said oh lovely, we get on like house on fire She said aren't they great guys Oh lovely But you don't get a lunch though do you? No we don't No lunch

Zero lunch Fancy ladies lunch do you? I want a ladies lunch Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Hello.

Have you logged into your email? No. I hate it. I'm like, don't even, don't get me started. Just thought I'd like start the show off on that of like poke the beer there.

All my stuff's not sinking. On Sunday, two days ago, I just went into email and there was a lot in there and I went, Control A, delete the lot. Yeah. Like, I just couldn't be bothered. And then apparently I've deleted some important things. But, um. If it's important.

If it's that important, they'll send it again. They'll come back to you. Yeah, they'll just call you. Yeah, they'll say something passive-aggressive in the opening thing like, hey, just checking back in on this or looping around. You did delete all of the screeners, the episodes. The Last of Us. The Last of Us, the new TV show.

That was a whoopsie, Daisy. Yeah. But at the same time, I'm a man of the people, so I want to watch the show with the people. Week by week. Yeah. Yeah. Not even a leader, just one of them, you know?

I'm a man of the people as well. Sort of a totem pole. Yeah. You know, in the community. A pillar. Yeah. But I wouldn't say a leader. I'd stop short of a leader.

Just. Yeah. Just. Just. Well, I thought we already decided today the roles of us in this show. Fletch pushes the buttons. Yeah. On the ass. Yeah. On. Well, I thought we already decided today the roles of us in this show. Fletch pushes the buttons on the ass, on the eye candy,

and you're the raw testosterone. Okay, great. Yeah. Yeah, well, that's sorted. These are the roles for today. The top six coming up on the show, the MIQ bill. Dude, it's a billion dollars. Now that's a B, isn't it?

That is a B, not an M, not a TR. Is this what people owe for staying in MIQ? No, no, no, no. This is what the total cost of MIQ was. Wow. Now, my mum did MIQ with my dad, and the food they got was so bad. The scone, you could have murdered a man with it.

Was it rock, was it? Rock. She wants her money back. Yes, real luck of the draw. But did they pay? Did they pay for this? Yeah, they paid. Oh, yeah.

Well, that's fair enough. Was it $4,000 for the couple? Oh, wow. Was that it? Oh, cute. That's a cute one. That's cute. That's a cute one.

Oh, man, they'll just be shagging all day. Oh, my God. Bang, bang, bang on the wall. What are you going to do for two weeks? Well, you've got to burn off the carbohydrates from the hard rock scones. From the hard rock scones. With some cardio. But yeah,

I've got some breakdowns of how it adds up to a billion dollars coming up in the top six. All right. Next on the show is the eye candy of the show. I actually have some etiquette tips from an expert in 2023.

Nothing to do with the fact that I'm the eye candy of the show. Right, yeah. I just wanted to remind people that that's the role that I am taking on today. Things like eat with your mouth closed, that kind of stuff. Well, just tune in. Just tune in.

I'm not going to spoil it here. God, this is why he just pushes his buttons. This is all he does is buttons. Push the buttons down. You damn idiot! There you go, put that slider up. Etiquette. Hard to spell.

I can never spell it right. E-T-T-Q-E. No, E-T. E-T-T-I-T-I-Q-U-E. One T. E-T-I-T-T-I-Q-U-E. Eti-tits. Eti-tit.

E-T-I-Q-U. That's my raw testosterone brum bringing the sugar to all that titties. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. Etiquette. Oh, no, we're sticking to our roles. T-I-Q-U. That's my raw testosterone over here. I don't know if that's a thing. Let's just move on. They're up for grabs. It's Etiquette. E-T-I-Q-U-E-T-T-E.

What? E-T-I-Q-U... Yeah, so to spell kit, it's Q-U-E-T-T-E. Etiquette. Q-U-T-T-E. Etiquette. Anyway, there is an Etiquette expert, William Hanson from the UK. Right. Who every year he says that you haveE. Etiquette. U-T-T-E. Etiquette. Anyway, there is an etiquette expert, William Hanson from the UK.

Right. Who every year he says that you have to update your etiquette. It's not always, you know, please may I use the bathroom and folding your napkin over your lap and all that kind of stuff. Because he says that etiquette has to reflect the age that we live in. Right, the modern times. Exactly. So, you know, the etiquette of old doesn't apply. We've got phones, we've got social media, we've got all that stuff to deal with. So every year, etiquette changes and gets updated with the times. So here's the etiquette of 2023.

The do's or the don'ts first. We'll do the do's. Hold the door open for everyone. Oh yeah, I'll hold the door open. Back in the day, it was just the men for the ladies. Yeah. But now, it's for everyone. I actually slam the door on other men to exert my alpha male. Oh, okay. Because of my raw testosterone. I keep it open for the ladies. Well, the boys hold the door open for me to get this huge dumper through the door.

You know what I mean? And Fletch pushes the button that unlocks the door. Always pushing buttons. Such a gentleman. Such a gentleman. Such a gentleman. Always. Of course, number two,

do use correct pronouns. Yes. And as I, exampled by Carween yesterday when I tried to cancel her, she used a wrong pronoun when we were talking about someone.

And then she immediately corrected herself and I said, as she corrected herself, cancelled. She said, no, I've corrected myself, which is the right thing to do, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Yeah.

So there you go. If you get it wrong, correct yourself and move along. Number three, write thank you letters. No. Can you write thank you, like, messages? Yeah, I guess so. But if you got Christmas presents or invited to a wedding, this etiquette expert is saying that it's still good etiquette

to write a thank you note. Thank you for my present. I really enjoyed it. Okay. No, I don't have time for that. And also write, like they're saying letters and posted notes have more clout now

because it's of the effort it takes. Yeah, I'm going to, it blew my mind. Some friends stayed with us. This is going back a little while, like a couple of New Year's ago. They stayed and like then afterwards sent us the thank you note for having them. Yeah, isn't that nice?

Like, thank you so much for having us. And I was just like, don't send it. Put that money in your pocket. But it was very, very nice. I know. I got kind of blown away by it. I got a Christmas card from London from my friend who just moved there. Thank you for our send-off.

What a wonderful way to leave to London. I was like, did you post this? Maybe I want to write thank you notes. Number four, do use Mrs. and Mr. still. So say I was meeting your parents for the first time, I would say, hello, Mr. and Mrs. Vaughan. Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Hello, Fletcher's mom.

Hello, Fletcher's dad. Do use Mrs. and Mr. But then what if you've got The pronouns wrong You know Oh yeah Contradict Yeah Oh no

I'll give you a final one I like to call a woman Over 30 Who I married Ms Really let them know The clock's ticking That's my raw testosterone

You know we had a debate Last year whether I was a Ms And I said no I'm still a Ms I'm a Ms I'm a Ms from my doctor now Yeah Ms Rubble When does it change

I don't know When I start getting Chest wrinkles and that's happened. You've got sunburn, haven't you? I've got sunburn. I know when I sleep. It goes, look at that. Oh, my God. Anyway, I'll give you the last one because there's, of the do's.

Because this, we should address in this workplace, do dress smartly at the workplace. Now, we've got bare feet over here, old Buttons McGee. To be fair, though, my Birkenstocks are under my desk, ready to wear into the office. I'm doing a Birk today. Yeah. But yesterday I wore a pair of shorts I'll say were too short.

And then I was leaning over the bench and the people arriving at work, old Dumps McGee, I've got to fulfil my role. Yeah, that's what they come up those stairs for, hoping to catch a glimpse. Exactly. Okay, so those are some of the do's. The don'ts. Don't get distracted.

I'm easily distracted. Oh, my gosh. It's very hard with smartphones. I know, and people get, like, so if you're talking to someone, don't feel the urge to just sort of slowly, quickly look at your phone. Or the worst one is, like, if you've got, like, a smartwatch and it dings on your wrist and you're going, oh, no. Because then it looks like you're checking oh no you sort of because then it

looks like you're checking the time because you feel like they're costing you too much you got a minute yeah here's one number nine

don't talk with airpods in so I saw this travelling there would be like couples where one of them would have airpods in and they'd be like walking around

I'd be like I would be so offended like what are you listening to a podcast or a music while you're out with your like boyfriend? With their partners. Yeah, with their partner. Have you seen that as well? I just think ear pods are so obnoxious.

Heaps of, you always see kids with like, you know, they're out with the family and the kids will have them in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would have got to, I reckon I would. My mum would be like, get those out of your ear. But some parents are like, oh no, it's better than them plying up at the table. It's like, well, they shouldn't be plying up at the table. Yeah.

Bring back hidings. Bring back hidings. I'll give you two more of the don'ts. Don't expect people to listen to long voice notes. I love a long voice note. In our lads' chat, one will come through at like 2 minutes 34 and you're like, I just don't have 2 minutes 34 at the moment. But it's better than reading at all.

No, and it's better than, Vaughn, you do video notes. Like you'll always be like, hey guys, and then just tell us a story that you could have done on a voice note. It's easier.

I feel like my face is also telling part of the story. You're a good storyteller. And their raw test doesn't really come through. Yeah, that's true. And the final one I'll give you on the don'ts

is don't do a social kiss. You know me, I kiss on the mouth. You are too lucky you've avoided it so far. Yeah, no social. Handshakes are still the most acceptable way. Post-pandemic, we've got to stop doing the social kiss. I'm not upset about that.

I am. Did you say you were a little upset about that? No, I'm not. Oh, you're not upset about that. Not upset at all. Your social kiss is coming this year. Straight smack bang on the lips. He can't even hug properly yet. Well, you've got upset about that? I'm not upset at all. Your social kiss is coming this year. Straight smack bang on the lips. He can't even hug properly yet.

No, well, you've got to leave a buffer so the Jennys don't touch. Room for Jesus. Yes. Next on the show, the denied baby names of 2022 here in New Zealand. Boom Kwefa? Yes. Clay, Zedems, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Right, well, the list has been released in New Zealand

of the names that were declined by the Registrar General in 2022. So when you name a bear bear... A bear bear? You have to avoid using official titles. You cannot use numeric characters or symbols. So you can't have an exclamation mark asterisk as a baby. You can't use a backslash or a punctuation mark. Oh yeah.

So I wouldn't be able to use my first email miss underscore B underscore haved. That could be my... No, no. No swear words and the limit to the name can have no more than 70 characters. 70? There's not that many boxes at the airport.

Oh, do they still have the departure ticket? There's an arrival ticket. There's an arrival still, but the news that that's getting phased out. But my basic as name, Hayley Jane Sproul, that barely fits in those boxes. I know, they never make those boxes big enough. And you also, you've got to register the name via Smart Start. That's when you have a baby. Now there's a website.

You go to a... I've had a baby. I don't even remember Smart Start. Well, they've changed. Well, the list of names. My daughter's 54 now, so that's kind of... The most declined name last year was King. Nine of those were declined.

My little King. I like K-Y-E-G. No, so just the normal spelling. Just the normal spelling. Eight saints were turned down because of the fact that that's a... Because of the Kardashians. Yeah, that's the title. I thought he trademarked it.

Saints are a religious title. I don't think religious titles were disallowed. Because there's bishops. Yeah, but still can't... I don't think you can. Can you not be a bishop? I don't think you can. Can you not be a bishop? I don't think you can. You can be a kind of a royal or you can be a surname bishop.

Yeah, last name bishop, but not first name. That comes under the official titles. Royal, seven of those were turned down. Messiah, four of those turned down. Probably for good reason there. My little princess. Princess. Princess was turned down.

Four of those were turned down. That's a nickname. Prince, three of those. No to that. Oh, no. Four of those were turned down. Prince. Three of those. No to that. Three sovereigns. Sovereign. That's also an insurance company, isn't it? Sovereign Sproul.

Yeah. Sire. S-I-R-E. Two of those declined. A bishop with an I, not an O. One of those. Bishop. Bishop.

Oh, bishop. That's actually a bisexual ship. Yeah, a bisexual ship. What are you. Oh, Biship. That's actually a bisexual ship. Yeah, a bi-ship. What are you doing this summer? I'm taking a cruise on a bi-ship. A bi-ship. Yeah. Where anything goes.

Anything goes. Yeah, they do actually have those cruises where anything goes. When's our holiday, right? I'd be too full. Weird stories. I'd be too full. Because cruises are always unlimited food, aren't they?

Oh my God, I couldn't. Should we have a threesome with this lovely couple or this group sex? I'd be like, oh, enough. Just bloody... Profiteroles. Just head pudding. I just blew out.

I went for pudding first. I've been a damn fool. So other names that were declined. These are just single names. Chiefy. Chiefy. That's cute as heck. Chiefy hyphen Renata. Chiefy Renata. Chiefie. That's cute as heck. Chiefie hyphen Renata.

Chiefie Renata. Chiefie Renata. Duke. Empress. Empress Jade. General. Hosea King. Justice.

Justice spelt with a C-E. Justice is. Yes. Yep. Justice is. Every year there's a justice. Yep. If this kid was in your class, he'd be a rat bag.

King Jason. King Jason. You know what I mean, take away, King. You met a Jason instead of a rascal? King hyphen Kelly was another turned down name. Magistrate. How would I say that one? Magistrate?

Magistrate. Magistrate. Oh, it's majesty. It's majesty. It is. It's majesty, but it's spelled. E-I-G-H. Yeah.

Majesty, E-I-G-H. Yeah. Majesty, E-I-G-H. Major, major. Another way of spelling Messiah. It's spelled with a Z. Padre, queen. Padre. Royal spelt R-H-O-Y-A-R. Why did you say Padre?

P-A-D-R-E. Because I think that's a religious thing. I thought it was brother. Padre. Yeah, same. A chaplain in thought it was brother. Padre. Yeah, same. A chaplain in the armed services is a padre. So there you go. It's in there.

And bad news for Soulja Boy because Soulja was turned down. Oh, no. Soulja Boy is going to have to change his name. Same with Truly Saint. It's spelled T-R-U-L-E-I-G-H hyphen Saint. What's wrong with Emma? You know? What's wrong with Anna?ane. What's wrong with Emma? You know? What's wrong with Anna?

Yeah. What's wrong with Jade? Yeah. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hey. Hey.

Hey. The MIQ, you'll remember that. Managed isolation quarantine. Finished. Last year. That was only a year ago, right? Start of 2022. That's crazy.

Yeah. Yeah, we opened the floodgates. The proverbial floodgates were opened when I went to America at the end of May, start of June. Came back with COVID. Came back with COVID. You're welcome. Was that you're welcome to your wife and kids? It stopped with my family.

You know, we just got it and kept it in the house. Yes, you did. So my R number was three, but their R number was zero. Yeah. They still give you the rat test when you, there's big piles of them when you come back through the airport. Cool. So I stole like five boxes.

I was going to say, that's a great idea to get a few of them. I feel like the airport ones are a bit dry, though. They're rubbish. They don't have a lot of juice. They've got the real short noosey sticks. Noosey prod. And then, yeah, the juice. Well, it's the microchip.

Yeah, of course it is, yeah. They need you to put a new microchip in when you get here. Yeah, right. So they can track your blood. And if that's the one the celebrities want, they'll steal your babies. Right. Wow, that's wild. Thank you for clarifying that for me.

You're welcome. Great. But the hotel bill for all of it has cost more than a billion dollars now. So this is... The latest calculations. And you're saying this is not what people owe because some people haven't paid for their MIQ. No, don't even talk about that, Bill.

Yeah. Does this include the cost to refurbish and kind of rebrand a lot of these hotels like that got a terrible rap? Yeah. Because they have to pay for that, right? Still wild. It's wild to me the Jet Park haven't rebranded.

There was the Joke Park there. Jet Park is the honey badger of motels the Jet Park haven't rebranded. There was the Jet Park there. Jet Park is the honey badger of motels. They just don't give a shit. They're like, we can't be stopped. We're Jet Park. We're close to the airport, man. We were riddled, my dude. We were riddled.

But like, rebrand. We were the one that they got sent to when they had it. Yeah. Initially. They should call themselves like that hotel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We cleaned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We cleaned. Yeah, yeah.

The we cleaned motorway. Yes. God, we cleaned. And yeah, it's got to be in italics. So there's a, did they? Did they? Yeah. Or in quotations.

Yeah. We gave it a clean. Did you? So I've got the top six ways that this cost a billion dollars. Number six on the list. The top six costs of the MIQ $1 billion bill. Well, it wasn't washing the sheets because they weren't doing that every time. No.

Sometimes they just flicked them. Oh, yeah. A bit of a wipe. Yeah. Off the stain, give it a bit of a spot clean. Number five on the list of the top six costs of the MIQ $1 billion bill. Well, you bastards get pinched in the flannels. Yeah.

You think the flannels are free? Oh, yeah. What's that? You think the flannels are free? Oh, yeah. What's that? You think the flannels are free? Oh, no, they're not free. Not at all. At least a dollar. Number four on the list of the top six costs of the MRQ $1 billion bill, you think that

temporary fencing was free? Do you know, actually, that's one of the ones I have an exact breakdown for. $913,000. So just shy of a million dollars is spent on leasing security fencing. What? So where does it all go now? Back to the fireplace. It'll be at the next event you're at.

It'll be at Elton John. Don't look it to get you on the buses. Don't look it. I won't look it. Because it might not have been cleaned. Just don't look that. Keep your tongue in your mouth. At Elton John.

That's so much money. Number three on the list, the top six costs of the MIQ $1 billion bill. All the rug doctors they had to hire to wash the carpet from all those gross, sweaty, in-room workouts people were doing. Ooh, yeah. Ooh. How gross. Athletes are like, we're overseas competing.

We're going to come home. Now we're in MIQ. And they're like, working out. Time lapse of sweating. It's like, blech. Yeah, yuck. Now we're in MIQ. And they're like working out. Time lapse is sweating. It's like, well, yeah, yuck. Put a towel down at least. Yeah, that's a moist room. Number two on the list of the top six costs of the MIQ $1 billion bill.

Unclogging the showers. Oh, God. Absolutely. Yeah. Congestible. Oh, no, that must have been the people before us. I didn't. I was in the shower.

I don't know. Absolutely. I might have a wee. You have been the people before us. I didn't. I was out in the shower. I don't know. Absolutely. I might have a wee. You have a wee by all means. Every now and then. Wee your heart out in the shower. And number one on the list of the top six costs of the MIQ $1 billion bill, stealing the shampoo and conditioners.

Oh, yeah. That's not stealing. They're there to take. No, not when you're getting free. It is when you're paying for your accommodation. Yeah, but you were paying for MIQ. You were paying for MIQ. Not everybody was paying.

Remember in the early days, people weren't paying. Yeah, that's true. They were coming and going. Do you remember when people were coming and going? Willie, Nilly. From London. Do you know what? I'm going to call out Kimberley Crossman.

How many times has Kimberley Crossman come to LA and New Zealand? Hmm? Hmm? Kimberley Crossman? With the lovely Kimberley Crossmanby? She started beef with the lovely Kimberley Crosby. She's a dear friend. But boy,

she flitted. Back and forth. Back and forth. That is today's Subsex. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. You know the rule of eight cups of water a day?

Like that's sort of the, that's the thing. Hasn't that been disproven? So much so. I only just, reading this now, I only just learned that that is from the 1930s, which is nearly 100 years ago. Isn't that crazy?

People swear by it. They have those giant drink bottles at the gym. Yeah, I know. On their desk at work. Yeah. With marks on the side. 9 p.m., 9 a.m, you've got to be down here. Yeah, and it's like, keep going.

You're nearly there. You can kill yourself by drinking too much water. You can. You can drown yourself, can't you? Drown yourself. Well, new research. That's when you try to breathe water. Ah.

You guys are breathing water again. That's what it was. Yeah, that'll be it. I was like, I'll just inhale some now. Well, new research is trying to update this. This is from 2022. So slightly, you know, more relevant than 1930s. And it says that it's different.

It's different for men and women for numerous reasons. Okay, so how many, what should we be aiming for a day? For women, it's nine cups of water. And that isn't taking into account the extra water you'll need from your fruit and your veggies. Right. You'll need from your fruit and your veggies. Yeah, well because... Because they contain

water. Yeah, so your fruit and your veggies you're supposed to have as much of that as you can have, right? Yeah. And nine cups of water. Not too much fruit. It's still quite a lot, eh? Nine cups. Although I drink water out of a glass. Well, how much is in a cup? Oh, they mean a standard metric cup.

They mean that as the measuring device. Right. They don't want you to start drinking all your water out of a teacup. A coffee cup. So that's like 250 mils. Is a cup. So what's eight times that? It's two litres. Two litres a day. Yeah. With another cup. Yeah. Two and a bit litres. I drink about three litres a day.

Is that three Frank Greens? So wait, you said before that the 1930s advice was out of date, but you've just reiterated that it's the exact amount that this new measurement has said. No, no, no. So that's for women, right? Nine cups rather than eight cups. So over two litres of water.

Yeah, over two litres. Yours, as men, 13 cups of water. So that is... Why is that though? It's two and a half and another three cups. It's three and a cup. Three litres in a cup. It's so much more.

I'm drinking a man's amount. Is that why? That'll be why. There's some changes happening. Yeah, but they're saying like, because water is the thing that you really need. out. Is that why? That'll be why. Yeah, but they're saying like, because water is the thing that you really need. You know you hear those stories about people that have gone a month without eating food. They never sound that energetic about it.

It's a challenge. But you have to have water. Because you can only survive without water for like five days is it? Or something like that? Or even less than that. Four days without water before your body's like, bye, I'm done. Yeah. So you've got to have water. But then, you know, because everyone goes, oh, good, healthy skin and helps you live for longer.

And then this scientist was like, oh, you know, this is based on having a happy, healthy daily life. There is no proof that drinking water, you know, drinking the correct amount of water will actually make you live longer. You'll probably get cancer. Yeah, right. From the radio towers and your cell phone and your pocket. That kind of stuff. But you've got to try at least. But my thing is my kidney can't keep up.

I'm just on the toilet all day when I drink the right amount of water. Well, you're on the same. I'll be if I drink that much water. Yeah. Toileting loads. Toileting loads. Toileting loads. Loadseting loads. Toileting loads.

Loads of toilets. Loads and loads of toilets. Endlessly, loadlessly toileting. So eight cups for women. Nine cups. Nine cups for women.

Roundabout for women. Plus make sure you're having all your veggies to have plenty of water in them. 13. So if you're listening now, you're already too late. You've got to start now.

Go have a cup of water. Silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Well, a lot of the summer was just raining, wasn't it? And that's a damn shame because I love getting some clothes on the old rotary washing line. It's so good, eh? Did I tell you I gave mine a service over summer? Your washing line? Yeah, I took all the cord off. Have you got a round? Yeah, I got all the cord off. Have you got a round?

Yeah, I got a spinny round one. Oh my God, they're the best. I took all the cord off and tightened it. Oh, so you don't get a bit saggy. Oh, right. So then I've got nice twit lines and then I use CRC on the handle

because it's one of those ones where you can put things on that wind her up. It's a retro one, isn't it? Yeah. Well, it's a newer version of the retro one, but yeah, it used to squeak and what have it.

It didn't spin around great in the wind. And after the good CRCing, a bit of greasing and a re-strain. It sounds like you're going to get grease on your knickers. No, no, because the grease was only on the handle. Only on the... You never grease the wires. I don't grease the wires. No, you can't do that.

No, no, that's a... Right. You silly fool. But I love it. I actually am in the market for some new pegs because we've got all mismatched. It's all higgledy-piggledy and it makes matching the peg colours hard

because I'm a peg colour matcher. And that is today's silly little poll. Do you use matching coloured pegs? Absolutely not. If you're putting up a pair of socks, it's got to be a blue peg on each sock. No way! Or if you bring up a t-shirt with two pegs,

two purple pegs. No! You've got too much time on your hands. You've just got a big basket of pegs. Grab. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Shove on. Nah. I've got my favourite pegs and my least favourite pegs in the mix. My favourite pegs because I do peg on a clothes horse because then you can just

hang the T-shirts upside down. Do a bit of peg. I can't believe you peg on a clothes horse. It's a waste of time. There's no breeze. I hate lines in the middle of t-shirts and pants. I hate them.

Because you know they dry and the line stays there. They're stiff. Yeah. Right. But what are those like, they're like plastic multicoloured and they're like, you squeeze them. Yeah, your traditional peg. The traditional kiwi pegs.

Oh no, I don't hinge peg. We talked about this last year actually. Wedge peg. I jagged wedge peg. Oh no, yeah. Click, click, click, click. That's going to ruin your t-shirt. Tight fit, no, I don't hinge peg. We talked about this last year, actually. Wedge peg. I jagged wedge peg. Oh, no, yeah. Click, click, click, click. That's going to ruin your T-shirt and your knickers. Tight fit.

No, I hate when you're pushing those on and they break. Because they've been made brittle by the sun. Brittle, yeah. Do you use matching coloured pegs? 62% of people said no, but, you know, 38% of people will put in the effort to not be a monster. Wow. And have their aesthetically pleasing peg coordination. Is it like an OCD?

No. It's just a habit. You just like things a certain way. But your socks aren't going to know that there's a different colour pig on the other buddy. But I'll know. He got pink. Some replies. Ollie says, yes, because I don't gamify life.

If I don't gamify life, I don't get any tasks done. Oh. So making it a game. With every job that mustify Life, I don't get any tasks done. Oh. So making it a... Making it a game. Boom. With any job that must be done, there is an element of fun. Where's the yellow pig to go?

With this yellow pig, boom, point for me. So he's running on a points-based XP system by the sounds of it. What does he win? Level up. He levels up in washing. Okay.

He gets proficiency in washing. Okay. Rachel said, I used to always match pigs and it felt like it became a bit compulsive, so I just have managed to move to a lucky dip peg. Okay. I'm lucky dip. I'm not happy she just threw in the towel like that.

Yeah. Like a wimp, like a weakling, like a sook. Jacqueline says, I do it because I'm not some kind of savage. Also, it turns into a boring chore into a mindful activity. Yeah, there you go. Gamifying it. Yeah, gamifying it. Gamify life.

You just hang in the washing. Like, just do it. Yeah. Chloe says, my pegs always have to match. I can't explain it. I just do it. You can tell if it's me or a hubby who's hung out the washing. Me too, because also I've got to put the socks next to each other.

They're buddies. They're pals. They do everything together. No, I don't. In the basket. On. In the basket. On. In the basket. On.

Wait, you would put a sock on the outer line of a rotary clothesline? Hell yeah. Just whatever. Oh, no. No, but I'm not rotary. I'm rocking a fold up. You know, so it's just like stacked on the wall. Oh, so you just down on a wall and you clank it up.

Yeah. Yeah, so the socks go closest to the wall because they require the least drying. Yeah, yeah, totally. But like my left and right sock don't have to be buddies. They've got to be next to each other. And the left one's got to be on the left and the right one's got to be on the right. Oh, no. With matching pegs.

Get a hobby. It's artistry. It's artistry. It's beautiful artistry. Mel and Steve. Oh, someone's got a joint Facebook page. Oh. I've always wanted a love like that.

Does Mel want Steve to know that he has an online presence? Steve probably doesn't want an online presence. Steve probably wouldn't bother otherwise. Oh, Steve played up. Oh, and Steve's

not allowed one. Steve's been a bit heavy on the likes. Maybe he was liking some Instagram models. Yeah, Steve played up. Naughty Steve. Steve tripped up.

Yeah. God, I really miss the days when you could see other people's feeds and what they liked. I know. So great. Steve played up. Mel or Steve, they've got a shared account, says, I have

a friend who not only has to use matching pegs but if there's a peg lying on the ground she'll drop a matching buddy so it's not a line. Oh my God. Not pick it up but send it a friend. That's madness. Pick it up. Madness. It friend. That's madness. No. Pick it up. Madness.

It's like a suicide pact. Yeah. Because the mower's about to come out. Exactly. When I was a kid, I always remember, you know, me mowing the lawns under the washing line, always pick up any pigs that are on the ground. But I just didn't see them.

You saw them. You just didn't care. You saw them. And you kind of wanted to hear the... I popped corks the other day from Prosecco and I never get to do it so I was like, I'm going to let him fire. I was out the back and I let two fire. And then Aaron, I could see

Aaron sitting there and I had friends around. I could see him sitting there getting a bit itchy and then he just went... So what happens when the ma comes out? Ooh! In front of your guests. Wow, that was classic. You should have put that up on your Hayley and Aaron joint Facebook account. Aaron played up.

He played up. He played up. Asti says, I only have one type and colour, those pink pegs. That's why I don't have to do mucking around. I like this. The pinks are good. Yeah, yeah, one colour. Yeah, one colour.

Emma says, ain't nobody got time for that. Matching that. She's anti-matching. Yeah, good. And Nicole said she's not anal enough to worry about the pigs. Yeah, good. Yeah. That's good. I'm glad for her that she can turn a blind eye to this awful mismatch.

Play ZM's Fletch for the Nailie. Play ZM. Cheeky, cheeky beggars did some photoshopping and committed benefit fraud in the UK. Yeah, I read about this. How did they do it? They got a computer and they did some photoshopping. It's boring. The more exciting part is it gets us on to talking about

when you've committed a little photoshop whoopsies. Yeah. A little way around it. Because I've done this both for fun and fraud. Okay. And fraud? And fraud. I gotta find because my dog wasn't what was it? Registered

or something? And so I had to get the dog's birth certificate. Wait, do dogs have birth certificates? Yes. Do they? Cats don't. Why did you need your dog's birth certificate? To prove that it was under an age. Oh, because are they not registered?

No, it was the microchip. You don't have to do it until they're of a certain age. And so I got the birth certificate and I changed the month that it was born to a month later. Seriously? Yeah. That is fraud. Yeah. Oops.

And did it work? It saved me $300, and my dog was microchipped sort of the next day. Okay. Yeah. Right. So it was one of those whoopsie days. It's like, you know, when you haven't got a warrant, but you don't know, and then you get pinged for not having a warrant.

They're like, if you can take care of it in 28 days, no fine. They don't do that with dogs. No. So I had to take the law into my own hands. Yes. So that's my fraudulent. My fun one is, and I think this was the first ever experience I had with Photoshop, my friend

Chris and I Photoshopped our faces onto Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones so we could pretend to be in the men in black. Which one? In 1990. I bet that didn't look at all good. Were you Will Smith? The whole head

was changed so it's not like it was me with Will Smith's neck. Or anything. Or we didn't change our skin tone to make it match the hands. It was 1997. Or not whenever that movie came out.

It was wild that there was even a computer with the processing power. Yeah. I've done this in 2003 when I was a goth and I was 13 years old and there was this photo of me and I'm all in black studs and things and I saw it looked quite good

so I photoshopped my Marilyn Manson into the photo and then told my other gothy friends that I'd met him and did they believe it? yeah it was I did such a good job

because it was very like the photo was quite dark and then you know I put him next to me now you would google that photo and find it online and then find out

that you were lying I've still got it somewhere and I remember feeling like pretty cool. I think you've got to be. Because I'm like leaning on his shoulder. You've got to be pretty good these days to get away with a good Photoshop. You know, this was like blurry AF.

Well, this was before an app could do it all for you. Yes, exactly. And now I wouldn't want to say that I've met Marilyn Manson. No. Not proud of that. No. Yeah. But I can't.

I've never done it in a naughty way. I've definitely considered it, you know, I'm not proud of that. No. Yeah. But I can't, I've never done it in a naughty way. I've definitely considered it, you know, emails and whatnot. Show me the receipts. And you're like, oh, I could change the date. So I did email you and then write the email and then change the date or something like that. And be like, you must have missed it. Oh, go into your sent items, find one, go forward, change a few things. Change a few things in the date and some of the info.

Yes. And be like, see, here's the receipts. Naughty. Very naughty. Naughty. You're the one committing dog fraud. Long time ago. Yeah, of course.

I mean, this is how long you've seen my dog. It looks like a zombie dog. Oh, that dog. It was Lulu. Was that like 40 years ago? Yeah. So we'd love to know this morning. 0800 DARS at M.

You can text as well, 9696. When have you photoshopped? For fun. AKA Marilyn Manson. Less fun now, but quite fun in 2003. Very problematic 20 years later. Or for fraud. Or to get away with something.

Fun or fraud, photoshop. Did you get away with something. Fun or fraud? Photoshop. Did you get away with it or did someone look at it and be like, that's terrible. They ain't your abs. Oh my God,

maybe you caught a friend out pretending to be on holiday somewhere. Yes. Oh. Oh yeah. Just any, any bus thing you've done of people's poor Photoshop's

also accepted. Yes. Well, this comes to us from the UK. The Department of Work and Pensions became suspicious that a man was claiming a pension, like, you know, like a, what's our version here? Superannuation.

Like superannuation, yeah. But he was living overseas and you're not allowed to do that. So they said to him, can you take a photo outside your front door and send it to us? And he did, but it's a terrible Photoshop. And he's actually, he used a Google Street View. Oh, that's the worst base. He's hovering in front of his car and then he's put his legs over the car.

Oh, for God's sake, dude. And there's actually been quite a few people that have done this. And there's a couple that are hovering on their front doorstep. But they say you've got to send us a photo in front of your front door today. Yeah. So that also, well, it was raining all day today and this is a summer shot. And your legs are... This lady hasn't feathered her Photoshop image.

Is that what you do? You feather the edges? You've got to soften. Look at that. A little haze. Like really bad Photoshopping. A little bit of benefit that. A little haze. Like really bad photoshopping. A little bit of benefit fraud. A little bit of Benny fraud.

For all indignant reasons. Can we start with the text message that starts with, this is super embarrassing. And then we tried to contact them and they said, apologies, I will not answer my phone. There is no way I'm admitting this. Okay. But they have.

Right. In high school, my friend and I had been dating two boys and they broke up with us and we wanted to make them jealous so we made up two Facebook accounts for these fake boys and photoshopped us in photos with them

to make them jealous. That's a lot of effort. And it worked. They ended up being made so jealous we got them back but it's a secret we've never told anybody else because it's so cringy

and embarrassing. We continued to send them birthday messages on their Facebook wall to keep up the life like three years afterwards. Oh, my God. And our friends used to ask if they could meet them. And when we broke up with them, a friend said,

can you put in a good word with me because they're cute. Yeah. And then they said also when we were trying to make them jealous on Facebook, we used one of the fake profiles to say we want to fight you because you treated our girlfriend so badly. Wow. Oh, God. Oh, God. And it's a lie that they live with to this day.

Wow. So your Photoshop fails for fun or fraud. Rhiannon, good morning. What happened? Morning. Mine's not that juicy, sorry. Okay, no, that's okay. I don't apologize.

So basically I was just trying to cancel my gym membership that I signed up with Mum. And Mum got away with it. They didn't ask for any cancellation charges, but they asked me for like a four-week payment. And so I was like, hell no. So I used an old email and tweaked the days, times, and all of that jazz, and then, yeah, I got away with it.

Didn't have to pay the four weeks. That's light fraud. Yeah. Did you change the dates of when you joined or something? No, it was just like an old email that I just changed the timestamps on from an old email. That's amazing. Because if you go forward, then that thing's editable, right? Yes.

Yeah, so they were like, oh, yeah, we must have missed your email. And then, yeah, I didn't have to pay. Hell, yeah. I love that. Brilliant. Thanks, you're cool. Samantha, Photoshop, final fraud. Oh, fraud.

Okay. There we go. Tell us about it. I had an old flatmate who would actually Photoshop screenshots from her bank to say she had paid her rent. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and then so obviously the money wouldn't come through, so I started hounding her about it, and she ended up Photoshopping an email from the Reserve Bank

to say that her payments were being held. The Reserve Bank? The Reserve Bank. What are they going to be involved with? They shouldn't be getting involved with their rent. Oh, no, it was very important to hold on to her rent, apparently. And so I was like, this seems really dodgy. So I literally contacted the Reserve Bank to, like, find out

that this person was legit. So I had evidence on myself that it was not legit. And then she said, oh, I've gone down to the ATM at the shopping center and I've deposited it into your account. And I spent like two hours looking at a full day of video footage and she was not in the bank at all that day. So that's when I kicked her out. Oh my God.

That's level. So you're just living with a pathological liar at this stage. Honestly, con artists, full con artists. You go to that much effort to not pay your rent, it was like $200. It's not that much. Like they literally could have been working in a design job, photoshopping to pay the rent for all the time they spent.

Exactly. Faking it up. If you had a job working from home, I think that would help. Yeah, right. Okay. Amazing. Samantha, thanks for your call. Some messages in. I photoshopped a school camp permission slip. Okay.

Because I'm like, so they wait, because in your mind right now, you're thinking they want to go on camp but their parents wouldn't let them. Yeah. No. They photoshopped a school camp permission slip and gave it to their parents saying there's a camp coming up. I need this much money to go to the camp.

Their parents gave them their money. They photoshopped them a receipt from the school and then they just stayed at their friends all week and had to spend the money. Yes. That's good. How uninvolved are your parents? They're just like, here's the money. Enjoy your camp. I uninvolved are your parents? Yeah.

They're just like, oh, yeah, here's the money. Enjoy your camp. I'd just go to a park and get on a flying fox and send it to mum. Send a photo on the flying fox. Yeah, get some photos. Here I am. Mum wants photo receipts. That's so wild. You've defrauded your parents.

Would you have to go to your friend's house, though, and all your, like, Catman do long johns and, like, packed and ready to go with your hiking boots and stuff? Puffer jacket and stuff. And then get it muddy and then take it home. Yeah, it's all wet. Better get in the wash. I once used Microsoft Paint to doctor my passport printout to get a job in the UK that required

my work visa not to have expired and it was expired. You were like, that is next level fraud. That is immigration fraud, my friend. That is getting deported kind of level. I love this. Best juice. My friend had photos Duracell to her school box back in high school. That was a hot play. You were rich enough

to cut up your own photos? Yeah, I did that. Rich. And then Claire Duracell sealed them. She was super excited and showed us and that's when we noticed she'd photoshopped one of the group photos so that she was more tanned and we were all less tanned. Fast forward and we're all just doing that anyway with filters. Yeah, that's just what's happening.

I fabricated an entire direct message conversation to help get a mate out of trouble with his missus for playing up. The chat was between him and that other girl confirming that nothing happened, but something had definitely happened. Oh, wow. Okay, wow. could definitely happen. Oh, wow. Okay, wow. That's naughty. People are naughty. That's naughty. I photoshopped an old medical certificate for my flatmate

so he could use it to call in sick for a couple of days. He paid me 15 bucks. Yeah, that'd be easy. 15 bucks. Yeah. You want a whole lot more. Yeah, but then you might as well just pay to go to the doctor and say you're sick.

And go... They don't feel well. How long? Saturday, I noticed a light bubbling of the skin. No, I wasn't sunburned. Right. Definitely wasn't sunburned. Is it like a heat rash?

Yeah, well, I'd been out. I marched all day Saturday, Sunday, and I was in the sun for like the whole day. Yeah. In the beating sun. No wind. And I was sunblocked like my whole body and like reapplied, reapplied.

And then Saturday afternoon, my arms started bubbling. And then Sunday, it was really bad. I was, like, covered in this, like, bumpy dots. And it's all up my shoulder down to my wrist on both arms. And then it's not a dark rash, is it? No, it's just raised. It's just weird. Yeah, I can't see it.

Is it like an allergy to something? Well, then I, because then, yesterday I was like, ugh, this rash, I hate it. And Aaron was like, have you put anything on it? And I said, no. And he said, well, go to the pharmacy

and see what they say. Because I was thinking it was either an allergic reaction to the sunblock, heat rash, sweat rash, or I was doing some light weeding while we were doing demo on Friday afternoon and I might have pulled out something poisonous.

So that's what I thought. Then I went in to the pharmacy yesterday. I drove out there about 5pm. Peak hour. Pharmacy at 5pm? Yeah, they close at 6. Shout out, Huapai Unichem. Anyway, so I went out to the pharmacy

and I walked in and there's all i you don't really know what you're asking and i don't know how to sort of say i feel so sorry for people that work in pharmacies because there would be people that are like check out my ranch i know this and they're like all festering oh i know because they don't want to go to the doctor or people like not saying it properly. I've got... What have you got? Sorry, what is that? I can't hear you.

Thrash. Did you say thrash? Yeah, I've got thrash. And is that up or down? It's down. It's in the down. Because there's always someone waiting right behind you. Also, why would I be saying thrash if it was in my mouth?

I'd say, I have oral thrash. you might be saying huh because it's so so sticky probably yeah yeah yeah yeah no it's for the downstairs anyway i don't have thrush why haven't you messaged a photo to our friend that's a doctor oh my god shorty he's busy he's going to work he always has time for my medical needs also haley has pestered him enough with medical problems. Usually of the foot region. He has not inspected my arms. But anyway, I walked in and I sort of did, there was a couple of people in there,

that one woman with a kid and another woman looking around. And then so I did this sort of arbitrary, like I'll just walk around for a bit. Wait till they go. Yeah, I procrastinated so much, I bought four lip balms. Okay, great. Of all different kinds.

I've also got very dry lips and sort of a dry face and in general feeling rather allergic. It's a dermatological mess. And then a woman was sort of going towards the counter and I was near the counter and she looked at me and I said, oh, no, you go. And she said, no, no, you go first. I'm still kind of looking.

She was doing the same as you. Yeah, and I was like, she's gone. She's probably gone yeah I reckon and then so I went oh I'll go but also shame yeah so I went up to the lady I said hello she goes hello as in I think I might recognize you from the telly oh no okay hi um no she didn't I think I just assumed that because actually at the end she did have to ask for my name. Oh, okay, right. So that's just my own arrogance.

Yeah. But then I said to her like, oh, I'm wondering if you could help me. I have this rash. And she was like, oh, okay. I said, yeah, it's like literally covering me and it's growing. And then I heard this like behind me and the woman who had like gotten quite close to me just left the pharmacy and I imagine that she just did it because she didn't want to

catch my monkey pox. Do you know what I mean? She probably didn't want to catch my monkey pox without even giving me time to lift up my sleeve and show this woman my rash. So now this woman, who might

have recognised me from the telly, quite famous, probably thinks that I've got monkey pox. Yeah, okay. Anyway, I said to her, I had to show the woman, and then, you know like, you know when you've got a rash and it looks really bad in some lights, but in other lights you

can't see it. And I was sort of doing that thing where you're like, hang on, when the light catches it, it's really nasty. Too many bulbs that aren't fluorescent. Yeah, there you go, there you go, there you go. It's kind of bumpy. Oh, that't see it. And I was sort of doing that thing, you know, where you're like, hang on. And then the light catches it. It's really nasty. Too many bulbs that aren't fluorescent. Yeah, there you go. There you go. There you go. It's kind of bumpy.

Oh, that does look bad. Is that lice? Is that some kind of what? She asked me. She said, have you been in the sea? And I said, no, I haven't been in the sea for like a month. A sign of how bloody rubbish my summer was. But, you know, she just thinks it might have been like a sweat or a heat.

Keep your sleeve down. Was that contagious? Did she give you a lotion? No, just hydrocortis have been like a sweat or a heat. Keep your sleeve down. Was I contagious? Did she give you a lotion? No, just more hydrocortisone, but I got some unexpired. I got fresh. A fantastic. A fresh batch of hydrocortisone. I got a fresh batch.

And what about your thrush? Thrush. Thanks. Thanks. Yeah, that's... An anti-fun ball. Can of steam in my... Thanks, thanks.

Yeah. Yeah, gotcha. It's been a really hot summer. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan Ailey. Yeah, gotcha. It's been a really hot summer. I purchased on a little bit of a whim one of these Bissell spot cleaners. Yeah, you did. Yeah, because we needed to clean our outdoor furniture because the bloody dogs had been on it. You've got dogs.

I've got dogs. So that needed to be cleaned. And I went out to get something. And when I was out, I popped into Harvey Norman. I haven't been, well, I did the math on it. I don't think I've been in a Harvey Norman for about 15 years. Oh, okay. I just never found myself in the need. A huge, yeah.

Huge bloody things. Anyway, I was this guy's dream client because I was like, that's the one I want. And he's like, great. And I was like, where's the extra cleaning fluid? He's like, right here. I was like, I'll take two of those too because I don't want to have to come back. And then I got up there. He's like, what about the extended warranty?

And in my mind, I'm like, I'm not paying any more than $20 for this. And he's like, it's $15. I was like, yeah, whack it on. You don't need that. Yes, you do. You'll regret it if you don't know. It's under the consumer warranties guarantee thing. It's like three years from Bissell and then an extra year from him.

Yeah, see, that's great. 15 bucks, peace of mind. I had in my mind no more than 20 and I only paid 15. Your credit card has insurance that would cover that? My credit card? Yeah. A lot of the credit cards have insurance that will cover you for that. On the purchases you make?

Yeah. I don't have a credit card. I can't be trusted. Was it on sale? Yeah, I think so. Oh, that's good. Now, did you buy this spot cleaner because you've been hooked into the videos online where somebody cleans their couch?

No, I hadn't seen those. I hadn't seen those. But when I got it home, my daughters were like, everyone on TikTok's got these. Yes. You should start an account. Do that. The Bizzle Clean.

What do we clean? Vaughn cleans things. Vaughn Smizzle Bizzle. Vaughn Smizzle. Cleaning Bizzle claim. What do we claim? Vaughn claims things. Vaughn Smizzle Bizzle. Vaughn Smizzle Cleaning Bizzle. Bizzle haven't paid anything to be a part of this. You paid for this. I paid for this. Was this a present?

Yes. I framed it as a present when I took it home and they said don't buy your wife a vacuum cleaner but mine was very stoked. You bought that for Sade. Well I said I got you a present. And she was like, please be in a Ning Bing hoodie. I think she was expecting a filled roll or a custard square

because we've been talking a lot about custard squares all the time. So anyway, we did the outdoor furniture and I didn't video it. So I was like, how manky are our chairs

in the studio? So manky. They are so gross. I want to burn them. I don't want to see this. So we've picked out the mankiest one. We affectionately call this the piss chair. The piss chair.

It looks like someone's pissed themselves in this chair. It's got a big ring of where moisture has been and dried. Whose chair is this normally? I don't know. It kind of goes around. It surrounds by me, but I never pick it. Neither. If it comes around my side of the desk, I push it back.

Right. I'll grab a cleaner chair. It's the rejected chair. Okay, so you're now going to spot clean one of our studio chairs. So, okay, so you squirt. You pull the trigger and you squirt. Okay, you squirt the liquid on. Does it get wet?

Yeah, because you've got to put them out to dry. Oh, God. Are we going to put them out in the courtyard? So you're essentially vacuuming up the liquid that you put on the chair after you scrub it. Essentially, yes. And then that goes into this chamber. This goes into that chamber. And so that's where you see how yuck the chair is.

It started to go in there. Look how brown that is. We sit on these chairs every day. Who do you think we'd on it? Look, I don't want to... I mean, it could be any guest. It could be guests. It's Bray.

I mean, Ed Sheeran sat in that chair probably. Ed Sheeran did. Ed Sheeran pissed on our chair. Maybe we shouldn't clean it if Ed Sheeran pissed on the chair. It could be guests. It's Bray. I mean, Ed Sheeran sat in that chair probably. Ed Sheeran did. Ed Sheeran pissed on our chair. Maybe we shouldn't clean it if Ed Sheeran pissed on the chair. Sell it. Let's get money for this. I will just go on record and say I don't believe Ed Sheeran did anything to that chair. I think we would have noticed.

Other than sit on it. Is it gross? Oh, look at the liquid coming in here. That's disgusting. I can see how people get hooked on this, like watching these videos online, but it's different when it's something you use every day. Yeah. Like your couch or a chair.

Is it plugged in my car? Oh, my God. It'll be feral. No, but you get a Conroe Club ballet every time you go away somewhere. I'm a woman of the people. I'm a woman of the people. Oh, you're trying to remain sort of related. I'm doing the woman of the people thing at the moment

yeah wow look how manky that is that's disgusting how gross was your outdoor furniture pretty gross the worst part is when you're just cleaning something you don't think it's too bad we had like a stain on the arm of the

lounge suite and we did it and then I was like I'll just do the whole arm while I'm here. And that was gross. And you're like, that looked clean. Yeah, but if you do the arm, now the arm's clean and the couch is like a whole different colour. You realise how dirty the couch is. I've got to go in an infomercial because I'm being filmed.

What do you do? And then it's very simple. You fill up that tank with it. Does it suck up a bowling ball? I wouldn't imagine it. I knew somebody that worked for one of those infomercials and the pan wasn't actually non-stick. So they had to change it out.

They had to change it out. The bit where they blew that and the egg levitated off the pan wouldn't work because it wasn't... Oh my God, I love that. When they blow the egg off the pan. That wasn't real? Well, I don't know if it was that ad. It was an ad with a non-stick fry pan.

Is it getting cleaner? Yeah, it is. But look how dirty the water is. Oh, it's like black. We sit on these every day. Oh, my foot's touching it right now. No. No.

Are you just going to carry on cleaning? Yeah, I'll keep cleaning this one and use the entire tank of water on it and then we'll see how man cares. Yeah, do it all. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. There's one thing I hate. It is people wasting my time. Or me wasting my time inadvertently.

It's why I hate queuing. Queuing to me is a waste ofently. That's why I hate queuing. Queuing. Queuing to me is a waste of time. Waiting for people. The other day after marching, though, I said to the girls, oh, we're going to pop out to my house. I said, I'll wait for you. They said, we're just going to jump inside and get changed.

40 minutes. And then when I came back with wet hair, I said, did you shower? 40 minutes. So you sat in your car outside for 40 minutes? Yes, I did. Waiting for them. Waiting. For 40 minutes?

Getting older. I was ageing in that time. Because I thought they were going to pop in and come to jump back out. I would have been two minutes in, I would have been like, I've decided to come in. Yeah. Anyway, I hate wasting my time and so does producer Carween. She came in in a fit of rage this morning. She doesn't usually rage, but she is steaming.

Carween, why did you waste so much time yesterday? Well, here's the thing. When the VTNZ sends me an email, I listen, right? Well, you'd be a damn fool not to. So I took myself and my beautiful little aqua down to the VTNZ yesterday after work. I was like, I'm going to, okay. All right.

That's all right. Well, it's fuel efficient. Give her that. It is fuel efficient. She's not spending as much on fuel as you are. And I'm saving the planet for you. Thank you. You drove down there with your $3 plumbing joint

from a 100ml pipe to a 50ml pipe that can hold your Frank Green drink bottle. No Frank Green drink bottle in sight. And you know what? I needed it because as I sat in that VTNZ line, it was hot. I was in boiling sun. Why didn't you just go back later when there was no line?

There's always lines in Auckland. You don't have a car fridge. I don't have a car yet. Was it a warrant? I needed a wharf. You want to go for a little bit of a drive because you're out of Auckland, V10Z, V10 whatever they're called, they don't have as long of lines.

Yes. Yeah, but then that's also wasting my time, isn't it? Driving all the way out there. They should have an app. They should have an app with the wait time. Yeah, that's true. No, it's a hybrid. It would.

Oh, okay. So you are still kind of ruining the plan. I'm just calling her. But only that she's not such an eco warrior. It's not so electric. Anyways, I sat in this line. I buckled in for a long wait because there was a lot of cars in front of me.

Sun boiling. I'm sitting there. It's been an hour. I'm like, oh, my gosh. Does the Aquanaut have air con? Yeah, but I'm not going to sit there using air con the whole time. Why not? That's like wasting my battery, wasting my fuel.

Didn't you keep the engine running? No. Oh, my God, I would. Yeah, same. I saw some people get out of their car and just say, oh, I'm just going to leave the car keys in there. That's a great idea. That's a great idea.

Go for a walk. Go get some food. But I don't want someone touching my car. Well, they're about to anyway. They're about to. They're about to. Your cars are literally about to get a real tickle. Yeah.

Okay, fair. But anyways, I sat there. I just watched some TikTok, messaged you guys, did some stuff. It's like an hour and a half gone. Oh I would not wait that long. I see well you're already in the line, the one that I'm going to you can't get out of. Right. So once you're in the line you're in the line

and so I see there's one car in front of me so I pull up and I walk inside it's been an hour 45 now I walk inside I go hey I'm just going to pay for my waft, the car's next she's like cool what's your licence plate number told her next She's like, cool, what's your license plate number? Told her, she's like, are you sure that's your license plate number?

I said, I think I know my car She's been in a hot car for 90 minutes Wow, she's sassy She goes, your warrant of vindice isn't due until April Oh my god, are you kidding me? But you said you got an email Yes, and I said that to her and she said, was it for

a different car? There's another licence plate number under here. It was. It was for the car that was stolen, ram rated and written off. Oh my god. Right. Yeah. That should have been removed from the system. See, that's what I would have thought. No, that sounds like that's

on you though. How is it on me? You should have removed it from the system. See, that's what I would have thought. No, that sounds like that's on you, though. How is it on me? You should have removed it from the system. Is they not linked into some RAM rating database that they remove cars off their database? It would be deregistered. Exactly. When it's written off, the insurance company takes care of that during the writing off process and becomes deregistered.

But they're not going to go to VTNZ and say, do you have this licence? No, it would then automatically go into the system as a deregistered vehicle. No, I think you're thinking the system's somethinggistered. Yeah, but they're not going to go to VTNZ and say, do you have this licence? No, it would then automatically go into the system as a deregistered vehicle. No, I think you're thinking the system's something on a movie. The system needs to be better. Well, this is what I thought too, Vaughn. This is on you, Carly.

That turns out no. Transport New Zealand. No, they're not. So you neglected to deregister your stolen car. Insurance does that during a write-off. Also, did the email say your car license plate is due for a warrant? Look, it did somewhere in the body of the email. Oh, no.

This is on you. I just got nervous. I was like, oh, it's going to run out before I'm going to have time to get it done. I was being a good citizen. But don't you, because I always have a little looky when I'm driving. That's how I know mine expired in November. Wait, do you still need to... Today.

I'm dropping it off today. Straight after Today. I'm dropping it off today. Straight after work. I am dropping it off today. And have you paid your Baycorp bus lane yet? Yes. When did you pay that? Four minutes ago. And when was it due?

Well, it was due in like November. It was like December, right? Oh my God. They got to Baycorp quick, by the way. They went to Baycorp so quick. You wrote one letter and then they were like, Baycorp. Yeah. I know, I was supposed to pay by the 23rd of December.

You're going to have to pay more. And then I didn't and I came home from my summer holiday to a Baycorp letter. And then I forgot about it and I just found it in my bag and paid it. Well, I would have looked at that lovely little sticker, but it faded away. They wrote it so lightly that it faded. I don't know. All I'm hearing is excuses. Yeah.

Well, I'm still fuming. I would have just got my warrant then and there and been like, just do it early. Well, I kind of said, can I still? And she was like, it's not due till April. So I figured that you can't. Also three months. Yeah.

Because then you're sort of wasting money and time. So you just wasted all that time, like two hours for nothing. Yeah, I did. Again, your fault. Your fault. Just saying. Well, it's time for the impossible phone-in topic. The first one

for 2023. A topic we think is so impossible. We won't get many calls, if any. Yeah. This one's going to be hard to beat. You know the stories we get are going to be pretty insane.

Oh, I know. If we do. So Jeremy Renner, what's he been in? Hurt Locker. He's been in Tag. You know that movie? Oh yeah, I never watched Tag.

It was really fun. The Bourne movie. He was in some of those. He had a go at being here, yeah. In The Bourne movie. He was in some of those. In the Bourne movies. So he was driving was he driving a snowplow? Had an accident. I think he, well it hasn't been confirmed but the story was he got out of the snowplow

and it rolled over him. Like he got out to open a gate or move something or do something and it ploughed him. And wasn't he by himself? Because I saw on one website, but I dare not listen, the emergency call. They had the audio. Oh, really? Of him post-crushing

30 plus bones. 30 bones? I didn't even know there were that many. How many bones? Oh, question. 211. Are there? 200 and something and then you've got more when you're a kid because some of them fuse when you're an adult. 206.

206. How many have when you're a newborn? 270. 270? That many fuse. And then they fuse. That's a lot of fusing. Oh, become 26 to 213.

When to become 213. So I like to imagine the bones make this noise when they fuse. You become 213. So, yeah, varying number of ribs. I like to imagine the bones make this noise when they fuse. So humans can have a varying number of ribs, vertebrae, and digits. So did it say what he broke? What didn't he break? Honestly, lots in his legs for sure. Lots in his legs for sure. Lots in his legs.

He released a statement from hospital and he looks beaten up. He's 52 years old. Not that that means anything, but it's not like he's a bloody spring chicken. What? What? But he. What? Lovely time of year.

He was just saying Thank you so much everyone For your messages Because it was just released That he'd had this horrendous accident And then he released a thing saying 30 plus broken bones Will men grow stronger Just like the love and bond

With family and friends grows deeper Oh calm down Gemina Get a grip You just concentrate on Philosophical Drinking your food So he's got all sorts of like, what's called like rehab to come. Yeah.

Big time. This is a question we want to ask for the impossible phone-in topic this morning. Have you broken more than 30 bones? In the back and the chest as well. In total? In total. Not like individual accidents. Like I've broken my leg 30 times.

Although if you have. Wait, so are you just taking a grand total of 30 breaks? Because even that's insane. Who's broken more than 30 bones in their lifetime? That's why it's the impossible phone-in topic, Vaughn. You won them all at once. Well, I know. You had one accident that resulted in 30 broken bones.

I mean, if you've broken your bones 30 individual times, sure. Or more. Sure. Why not? Call us. But even if you got close times. Sure. Or more. Sure. Why not? Call us. But even if you got close, I'd love to know because that is just insane. When you get the mince, you're just a minced meat at that point. Yeah, it's horrible to think about, isn't it?

My friend was in a car accident and he snapped his femur. Like that's your big- That's the toughest one. That's the big thigh muscle. Isn't that if concrete was the same, like if you cast concrete in the shape of a femur, the femur's stronger? Yeah. Is it?

That's how much it takes to break. Why don't we build buildings out of femurs? I'm all for it. Yeah. Because what are we doing? Just throwing them in the ground? Yeah. What a waste.

Let's brace some of those Wellington skyscrapers with femurs. Femurs. The femurs of the dead. Yeah. You know, when you die, I dedicate my femur to the... We built this city. We built this city on the femurs of the dead. But I remember him telling me that he's got a rose-coloured rod

in his leg because it's right, so they do the right one. Rose right, lavender left. Oh. So that's saying you've got a purple rod or a pink rod in your legs. Right, okay. Well, look, I mean, we could get no calls on this, because this is an insane amount of broken bones. Can you beat, or do you know of someone that's broken more than 30 bones? Or do you come close? In their body. And tell us the story. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's.

All right, the impossible phone-in topic. Celebrity Jeremy Renner had a snowplough incident, accident, what, a week or so ago? Yeah. Broke 30 plus bones. The plus is when you break all the little stuff and you're like, we can't count that. Your hand is mashed. Yeah.

So we want to know, can you beat that or have you come close to 30 bones? Shannon joins us. Good morning, Shannon. Hello. Good morning. Good morning. How many bones did you

break? Come close to 30. I think it was about 22 or 23. Good Lord. And one accident? Yeah, yep. Yeah, it was a car accident. It was only 10 months ago. Oh my God. How are you? March last year. Are you doing all right now? Yeah, I'm doing pretty good considering. I'm actually, about two weeks ago, I just started dairy farming again. So I'm back full-time working. Good lad. So what did you break? Like what's on that list of 22?

Both legs, tibs, fibs. One of my femurs. Femi? You broke a femur. The femur can support as much as 30 times the weight of your own body. It's one of the hardest bones in the body to break. Wow. Yeah, well, I've still got x-rays coming up for that.

I think it should be fully healed now. Wow. What do they call it when you're in a hospital and they've got you all strung up like a marionette puppet? Like in suspension. Yeah, I couldn't have a marionette puppet. Like in suspension. Bah, bah, bah. Yeah, I couldn't even move at the start. I could only move my arms.

I didn't break my arms, but I broke six vertebraes, seven ribs. Yeah, all my legs and everything. Wait, you broke vertebrae and now you're back dairy farming. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Stuff all in there. Does the Panadol touch the sides anymore? I bet you were on morphine. Morphine.

Feeling morphine. Oh, the horsies and the coursies. More smart, more morphine. I had a pretty lucky recovery really. Dude, you are lucky to be alive. Yeah, have you done a lot of, like, had to do a lot of physio? I was in a coma for about three or four days.

Oh, my God, what happened in your coma, Shannon? Did you dream? Did you dream? Were you conscious at all? Did you just wake up? No, they reckon that you can hear people and stuff when you're in them. I don't even, no, it was just black for me. That'll be the ketamine.

You didn't talk to God when you were under shadows? You didn't see the light and talk to the other side? No, no, I never got any experience like that. This is going to sound like the stupidest question, the stupidest question, but did it hurt or did you just completely black out and then wake up? So, I don't actually remember the car accident. I don't actually even remember driving

my car. When I woke up from the coma a few days later, it bloody hurt then. But isn't the body amazing? Get rid of it. Dump it.

But it was a lot of the recovery I think think, to do with your mind, eh? If you're in a good head space and you're not dwelling on all of the bad things and just trying to get better, it's a lot better, eh? What an inspiration, Shannon. You're 10 months on and you sound like such a bloody jolly, a jolly dairy farmer. Good for you. Yeah, amazing.

Thank you so much for sharing, Shannon. Our more text messages are in. Woo! Have we beaten 30? So somebody said... Yeah, Shannon's measly 22. Goh.

You'll be alright. Get a band-aid. Someone said, I've lost count. I'd have to talk to the doctor, but I've done my skull, both radius, the ulna on both arms.

Ulna. She was the exchange student from Sweden in seven forms, remember? Yeah, she was hot. Don't bring that up. And great at soccer. But they've done ulna. Okay. Ulna from Sweden.

Arms, foot. Akili's tendon has been lengthened three times. I have my thumb. I've had my thumb reattached as well as set. So, that's reattached and broken. So you smashed it and cut it off? I don't know, and put it back on. How did this person do all this?

I don't know, but this sounds like multiple to me. This doesn't sound like one incident. Motocross. Sounds like they've got a, oh yeah, an ACC discount. Yeah. For multiple. They've got a personal assistant at ACC. My husband rode motocross, here we go,

and when he was 14 he flew off his bike, broke nine ribs, both arms, his right collarbone, he broke his left arm's growth plate, and now his left arm is shorter than the other as it didn't keep growing. About 30 bones in total. Go to Mastitini's,

take my struggle away. That's inappropriate. I apologize. Just about two weeks ago, my brother, who is an arborist, fell out of a tree in Christchurch. He had well more than 30 breaks and putting almost all of his ribs, his shoulder, his back. His groin. His neck. His back.

Lick it. Lick it. Lick it good. He's going to make a full recovery, but boy, is he broken. Yeah, I bet. Well, he probably just heard Shannon before. Yeah. Shannon? Yeah.

Before. I mean, it would be so hard to be positive when you're, like, in a hospital bed, you're strung up. Oh, my God. The other day, I cut the little nook of my finger joint on a little plastic thing. And, God, it ruined my weight. Thank you. Thoughts and prayers. It was so sore.

Thoughts and prayers. My name is Tabby, like the cat. Tabby. Wherever I go wrong will go with me. I've broken so many bones in my lifespan, but the kicker was when I was hit by a car in 2021. Jesus. You are like, you've used the handle in your lives.

You are a cat. I broke every single rib multiple times. My ribs are titanium coated now. Yeah. Did someone say on your local community page, hey, there's a tabby on the side of the road? Sorry, I didn't have time to find the owner, but I put it underneath the litter box.

The tabby just darted out. I didn't even see it. It just darted out. Jeez, I'm sorry we're laughing, but tabby's, you know, here to lick their wounds. Oh, I know. Her on the couch and get in between your feet while you're trying to put the jelly meat in the bowl.

In the 1980s, my auntie was in the UK, broke every bone in her body in an industrial accident at work, getting sucked into a piece of machinery. No, no, no. She was told she'd be in a wheelchair. Within a year, she was walking and she outlived her 10 siblings. She's in her 80s now. Wow.

You can still hear her rattling down the stairs. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's fact of the day comes to us Did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it. Today's fact of the day comes to us thanks to the Smith family dinner choice last night, which was corn on a cob. Oh, my God.

No, that wasn't what we ate. We just didn't eat corn on a cob. What did we have? It was barbecued corn with mayonnaise and chili on it. Yeah, that's great. That's a great combo. It's like barbecued or char-grilled. Oh my God, it's so good.

If you want it easier though, do you do the microwave trick as well? Yeah, four minutes. Four minutes in the microwave in the husk. You cut the end off? Cut the end off in the husk

then you peel it and it comes off easy. You just pop it straight out. Done. Beautifully moist. And then if you want to add a bit of smoke you can do like a three minute

chuck it on like your gas burner or the barbie. Yeah, roll it around once it's cooked. Yum. I'm having corn tonight. Well, see it tomorrow. Sorry. Well, that's kind of related.

Oh, really? Because today's fact of the day is before toilet paper, people use corn cobs. What? You would keep your corn cob. Be it from eating or like if you would strip the corn cob to feed the cattle. Yeah. You would keep the corn cob. And kind of just rub it.

And scrape it up. Twist it. Scrape. Twist it. Scrape. You could get three wipes. Oh, no. I reckon two wipes max.

Oh, my God. Yeah, but you've got a deep crack. Yeah. You've got a deep. He's known for that. Right. Okay. Very deep. You'll never. A, my God. Yeah, but you've got a deep crack. Yeah. You've got a deep. He's known for that. Right. Yeah. Okay.

Very deep. Heard of it. You'll never. Shapely bottom. There's not enough for three wipes on a corn on a cob. That's what I'm saying. They're absolutely pushing it out. Also, yuck.

Did they wash them after they were eaten? No, you just leave them to dry. So the corn's off it. It's just the mush stuff. The corn's off. There'd be one bit of corn left on, I reckon. Oh, what are you showing me? I'm showing you the corn.

Oh, yuck. And then when you leave it and it dries, it also gets a bit softer than you'd imagine. Why did they go for the cob? Because it was in plentiful supply, I guess. What about leaves? Couldn't they have used leaves? Yeah.

Leaves are a bit... Rippy. What's that? Couldn't they have used leaves? Yeah. Leaves are a bit... Rippy. What's that? Is it kawakawa? Is that the one we use? Kawakawa is like the magic leaf, right? But that's got holes in it. That's got holes in it.

Well, you can get a hold of kawakawa, yeah. Wow. So that was like the western states of America. That was like in the late 1800s, early 1900s. So if you're ever like really caught. In the wild with corn on the cob. And you've got corn. You've got corn on the cob.

No toilet paper. You can use it as a toilet paper. Do you want me to, as a sort of a fun radio bit, shall I try it tonight after my cob? Keep the cob. Video. Chuck it up. FVHZM.

Chuck them down the long drop. Like an outhouse, like a long drop. So you just keep the corn cobs and you keep them. They were stripped so it wouldn't attract rodents. I live in quite an old town. I don't think it would flush. No, no, no. The cob.

You don't flush the cob. Long drop it. Or compost it. Yeah, it wouldn't go through the S-bend. No, no, no. It would never flush a cob. It wouldn't go through the S-bend at all. Pea, poo and paper are the only three things that should be flushed.

Yeah. That's the rule, eh? No, definitely not. Have you been travelling in places where you're not allowed to flush the toilet paper? Yeah, you've got to put it in a basket. I had a few of those places recently and I really struggle with wiping and then putting it in a bin right next to you. A wee-wee's one, it's fine. You can put it in a bin, whatever.

Yeah. Poo-poos. next to you. A wee-wee's one, it's fine, you can kind of fold it, whatever. Yeah. But a poo-poo's, it's weird. Well, just generally when it asks you not to wipe, there is an alternative

to even using the, sorry, to flush the paper, there's an alternative to even using the paper. Like your bidets or your, the little tap

with the scoop. The tap of Southeast Asia, you're scoopy back there with the hyper-shows hit it at the wrong angle or you're filling up like a water balloon.

You don't want to be water blasting after you've done that. Yeah. I love a water blast. No, I'm not at the wrong angle. You're filling up like a water balloon. You don't want to be water blasting after you've done that. Yeah. I love a water blast. No, I'm not about the water blasting. Dab dry. A tap dry.

Dry all the way. Some other pre-toilet paper ways of cleaning up back there. There were, in Japan, flat sticks like a tongue that you go to the doctor. Like a popsicle stick. Yeah, but a little bit bigger. Known as a shugi. You don't want to splinter one, but here's the thing here's the interesting thing about the Japanese

shugi. Yeah. Left to right. Like you're putting a dice. Like a chamois. No, it's a stick and you get in there and you go left to right. Not the traditional down. Or up. Up. Oh. But they read down, don't they? All their words are down. They start at the back of the book. So they work side to side running them up. Oh. Why did they do it? But they read down, don't they? All their words are down on the back of the book.

So they worked side to side rather than up and down. They're a bit different there, yeah. Yeah, different. Yeah, in ancient Greece they kept pottery shards. I mean, you've got to be careful. Shards! You don't want to be using the sharp end of things. What are you wiping with a shard of pottery?

And sometimes the fragments would be inscribed with the name of the enemy before wiping your butt with it. Oh. Real. Wow, they held a grudge, didn't they? Take that. Wow. In Rome, there was a sea sponge on a stick.

So basically what you get from Bebath and beyond, like a luther. A luther. Wow. It was always stored in a bucket of salt water or vinegar. So you would... You want vinegar. ...clean it afterwards.

Yeah. Sure, you wouldn't want vinegar if you had any fissures. Oh. Oh. Oh, you'd feel it. Like a squirt of lemon juice on a cart. You'd know about that on a fissure. On a fissure. This could be the riskiest of all.

Native Americans use the range of things, twigs, drug grass, small stones, and even oyster shells. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I cut myself on oyster shells in the ocean. Yeah, they're so sharp. Yeah. Really makes me feel for Pocahontas. Pocah something, I'll tell you what. You want to be careful back there.

So just be thankful we've got three-ply, you know? Yeah. Love a three-ply. Fantastic. Treat yourself to some three-ply today. So today's fact of the day is corn cobs, keep them, don't chuck them out because in a pinch they can be used to wipe your butt.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Play. ZM's, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, I mentioned earlier, we were talking about VTNZ and getting your warrant of fitness. And then I knew that my warrant of fitness was expiring and it was like the 1st of December or something. Okay. But that's like Christmas time.

I don't have time to be without my car. And I live miles away from work. I'm hearing a lot of excuses. And then I just needed my car to just hang around. And then it was just sitting at my house for a month while I was on holiday. I will take this time to remind everybody that if you don't have a warrant of fitness and you're in an accident, insurance won't cover you. I know.

Did you know that? But I'm not going to get into an accident. I'm a very good driver. That's why they're called accidents, because they're predictable. Yeah, exactly. You're still on mummy and daddy's insurance, though, aren't you? No, I pay for my own car insurance now. Right, okay.

Just not the health insurance. Because my mum listened to the radio and remembered. Oh, wow. Did she? Yeah, thanks, guys. She's cutting me off the health insurance now. It's so expensive. Oh, no, you'd be best to stay on the health insurance,

but just give them The equivalent For the health insurance Yeah I am I'm taking over the policy Okay good Thanks You'll never get it Well you

You should thank us For being more independent No Because you're 33 33 now 33 And it's about time

I started paying For my own insurance No I've always paid For my own car When I say always Within the last couple of years Pa paying for my own insurance. No, I've always paid for my own car. When I say always, within the last couple of years. Paid for my own car insurance. Wow. Okay.

So, yeah. Wow. But, no, I didn't realise if I got into an accident that I wouldn't be covered. Good to know. Good to know, yeah. Anyway, so I'm dropping it off today. The warrant of fitness. Okay, good.

So that's going to be done. Rego, I'm not sure. Because, the warrant of fitness. Okay, good. So that's going to be done. Rego, I'm not sure. Because it faces the front. Yeah, it does. It faces away from you. It's not as easy to see. You're saying they should be printed double-sided. Yeah, and I haven't changed the address to my new address

that I've registered my car to. Oh, my God. So where are your fines going? I don't know. Who ever bought my old house? I think that'd be paying the fee. Well, they knew to send the bus lane. They did.

So they did, because of rates maybe? I don't know. Yeah, I guess so. I've paid that. Yeah. I've paid my Baycorp fine. Late. There'll be another fine that you don't know about,

which is also going to be added to that. Yeah, that was due on January 11th. The Baycorp fine. So I've paid it now on the 24th. But I'm hoping I'll get one of those letters that says like a reminder of your payment, but if you've paid already, ignore this letter. Yeah, okay. Or they're going to add 50 books to it or whatever.

Because Baycorp are notoriously nice about that, aren't they? But my dad used to work for Baycorp back in the 90s. Couldn't I get a little family discount? I don't know if that's how it works. My dad worked as a debt collector. He was an enforcer. He was an enforcer. He was an enforcer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He baseball batted people's knees. Yeah, man. Don't you dare. Give us your car. And then just as we were talking, I was like, shoot, on my to-do list, and it has been there for ages, just under cracked mirror. Right. I'm going to mirror fix.

Is renew license. And then I, because it was coming up. And when I went to, perfect, when I went to Bali, I had to get an international driver's licence so I could have a scooter and be insured. Second show of the year, and that's the second mention of Bali. That's two for two. Yeah, good. But I had to take my licence to AA to get an international licence

so I could be insured to ride on a scooter. Had an accident, so that's good. But they said to me, oh, this has well under a year to go, so make sure that you renew it when you come back. And so that's been on there for what is it, seven months now since I came back? And that's expired.

So you're driving with an... I know, but over the last seven months I've been busy, we've been renovating, and every time I'm near an AA or whatever, I never look cute enough. There's one 300 metres. I never look cute enough for the photo that's going to be there for ages.

For 10 years. Yeah, it's there for so long. Talk to Vaughan about his driver's licence photo. I was wanting something like cute, snatched, a smoky eye. I don't know where I've got my wallet. What's yours? Well, it's ridiculous. Because this is what I did last time.

Because it was a radio thing. My last passport photo was so, so bad. And so when I got my new passport photo, I look hot. Really, right. I didn't want to get you a perm. I was like, mm. I'm like Tyra Banks facial. And I was, mmm. Like Tyra Banks facials. And I was, mmm.

I've got a turtleneck on and a gold chain and an orange, a single orange earring in. I remember you. When I went in to get this photo taken, they didn't even blink. Yeah, no, they don't. I was like, you guys look ridiculous. Yeah. I forget that on your driver's license you can smile.

Yeah. That's the difference. In's license you can smile. Yeah. Can you? That's the difference between your passport, you know, like neutral face. I hate this guy. Who is this? I love that. He's an absolute piece.

Okay, look. You live, we work 300 metres from the AA. I know, but I don't look cute today. I don't look cute today. You look fine. No, but that is an ad description of how I look. Jesus. Jesus, this guy.

Hasn't he had a girlfriend, has he? Has he? Has he got any? He tells women they look fine. Today is the day. Oh, my Lord. No, today's not the day. I just really want to be like, mm.

What do you want us to hire you? A makeup artist? Yes. So you can then go get your driver's license. And just like the hair nice and I'll get it freshened. Yeah. And I'll wear like a cute Zoe Morgan earring and just some, I just want to look nice.

And not like a damn sucker fool like you look like. Yep. Miss me. Or just fine. As I apparently look today. The clock is ticking. What? On my face? On your face. The clock is ticking. What, on my face?

On your face. You never, okay, another thing you never say to a woman other than she looks fine is the clock is ticking. I mean it's ticking on the fact that every day you don't have a license is bad because it will

void your insurance. Well the cop will understand. If he pulls me over, he says, can I see your license? He says, this is expired. I'll be like, yeah, but it didn't look cute today.

And then he'll be like, yes, you look cute. I'll be like, oh my God, stop flirting with me. And he'll be like, stop flirting with me. He knows how to talk to a woman.

He'll flex his cop arms. How good are cop arms? Whoa. I did not expect you to say that. As a policeman. Yeah, the short blue, the short blue. The short blue,

it's so tight. Yeah, they know. Why is your shirt so tight? They know what they're doing. They do a lot Yeah, the short blue. The short blue. The short blue. It's so tight. Yeah, they know. Why is your shirt so tight? They know what they're doing. They do a lot of bicep curls, policemen. I'm going to speed home today on purpose. Well, a couple from the Goldie in Australia have gone viral because of a fine they received for not driving with a seatbelt.

Oh, yeah. Now, so a man's driving with his wife in a ute, and she's got her arm over the belt. So the seatbelt's on, but she's got an arm out. Oh, right. Oh, I know. Which my mum always said will cut you in half. Yeah.

When you're a kid and you do it, because it was more common for my mum to be like, that'll cut you in half. But sometimes I feel that when I've got a bare décolletage and you have the belt coming across and that awful fabric. That's me. Sorry, I was just moving my hat and I got feedback. Excuse me.

I just needed a slight hat adjustment. Do you have just some professionalism in here? Well, I left my microphone on because I could have popped them with a quip. You could have. Imagine the people are like, Smithy's going to quip there, and then I didn't quip because my microphone was off. I don't know if that would have been a mistake. I took the risk with feedback

because I thought there could be a quip waiting. I said, be a declutage. Yeah, and I was... It was ripe for a quip. And then the feedback happened. Well, I was going to say, you mean when you got your hooters out? Like, that's sort of, you know, me,

that's my role in the show. But it does, and you kind of slip it off the arm somehow. Yeah, so Richard, who was driving the car, his wife is Anne. The fine was $1,078. Yeah. And he has said that I think she might have been

adjusting or maybe taking a top off. So that, he said it was Quip, quip, quip. Well, you bloody typical Anne. No. What kind of, what kind of

You could have left your mic off for that. What kind of was it? A Triton. A Triton Ute. That's bestron. She was taking her your mic off for that. What kind of unit was it? A triton. A triton ute. That's Bish Tron. She was taking her bloody top off, all right.

You know how horny you get in a Mitsubishi Triton? Horny. I won't say no. The minute they put their butt in the seat of a triton. Yeah. This is not the issue. Anne's horniness is not the issue. Richard has said Anne

only had her arm over the seatbelt momentarily, but it was enough for the fine when the photo was taken. The issue, however, is the fact that Anne had her legs up on the dash of the... She was resting in the passenger seat. And do you ever do this if you're in a...

I always put my feet up on the dash. No! Because it's very dangerous. Very dangerous. Because it will break you in half if you're in a... I always put my feet up on the dash. No! Because it's very dangerous. Very dangerous. Because it will break you in half if you're in an accident. Especially an airbag would like literally... It would snap your legs. It would snap you. But a lot of people rest their feet on the dash. So she's got her feet up on the dash like this.

And you can see right down her dress in this... Oh, so she hasn't got both feet together to one side. Wait, so she's topless? No, she's not topless. She's spread eagle. But she's wearing knickers. Is she? Because she's in a trident, let's not forget.

No, they have blurred out the photo, but Richard is quoted as saying, oh, I didn't expect to see a wife's skirt and see her knickers. And he's worried now that the Department of Transport, the people that... Has this photo. Has this photo, and he's fighting this in court.

But it's gone public and it's gone viral because his wife's legs are up on the dash and you can see down her dress but you can see your arm over the um over the seat belt yeah that's how that ai works right it takes a photo if it can't see a black diagonal stripe across so it would have been slightly more horizontal that's why i always wear horizontal stripes on a T-shirt. I've got my driving T-shirt. Yeah, right. You're always going to put your driving T on.

See, I covered my seatbelts in like a pink fur leopard print. Okay. Yeah, right. But they have been rolling out these cameras in Auckland and parts of New Zealand as well, trialling them. Keep your legs off the dash. They're going to kick in. Well, no,

it wasn't a ticket for that. It was because she had her arm over the seatbelt. No, but that's what I mean if they're snapping photos. Oh, yeah, well, that's true. Don't put your legs on the dash

every time I see it. No. I'm just, I freak out. Oh, my God, I love it, though. Where am I supposed to put them? In the guttery bit. In the marble.

Cruise them. It'd be better to have them skew off out the window. No, but then you're going to drive past the lamppost. It'll take it off. The marble, cruise them Maybe they had them Skew off out the window No You're going to drive Past the lamppost It'll take it off Hey guys

Apparently being the company's Most successful podcast Isn't enough They want us to tell people To tell more of their friends So people are clearly liking it But we have to tell them To tell others to like it

See I would concentrate more On the shitter podcasts That the company makes Yeah same You know the real losers Out there Yeah like No no no we'll just Yeah Maybe we won't say nice Maybe we should even Encourage people to listen I would concentrate more on the shitter podcasts that the company makes. Yeah, same. You know, the real losers out there. Same.

No, no, no, we'll just... Yeah. Maybe we won't say nice. Maybe we should even encourage people to listen to other podcasts that the company makes. Yeah. No, but only after ours. Yeah. Nah, nah, don't do that.

And not more than ours. Give us a sexy little review, though. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.