ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 25th July 2022

Episode Date: July 24, 2022

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Fossils  Find a Farmer  Producer Jared & the Neighbourhood Cat   Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years in the 1970s, the Mr. Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of plague. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Clark would have threatened him. Go and kill him. If you don't, I'm going to kill you and your wife and your son. This is Mr. Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your son. This is Mr. Asia, a forgotten history. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. The ZM Podcast Network. Hello, welcome to the Fleach, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Download

the McDonald's app and earn rewards on your coffee. Rash update. Oh God, so this is the rash from barley. Do we need a sting. Rash update. Oh, God. So this is the rash from Bali. Do we need a sting? Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Rash update. Brought to you by the Chemist Warehouse. Yeah.

We could sell it. We had the COVID kitty for the first person that got COVID. You won that. I won that. Should we do the monkeypox purse? Oh, that could be where we put money in a jar. If you guys want to lose your money. Monkeypox purse If you guys just want to give me money now

Just give it to me now I'll just put $5 in your account I'll just transfer to you That'd be great A bit more straightforward I did have an itch yesterday And I was like oh fuck Here we go

Here it comes Here comes the monkeypox Well I was sitting on your coach actually Fletch And I've told the world actually about the rash I brought home from Bali and the pit, the tit, and the ass crack. They love the crevices. The crevices, man.

Love the crevice. They look like pimples. And I left all my hydrocortisone with Aaron, who was still in Bali at the time. Is he a rashy as well? He's a rashie. He's a rashie boy. Oh, doomed. And then I was around at your house, and then I stood up to head out to where we were going,

and I was like, what the hell is that? And the rash had like spread down my thigh, which reminded you that you were going to give me some hydrocortisone. And then I didn't, what is this box you went into? No, I have my drawer. All my toiletries are in my, a couple of drawers in the hallway. were going to give me some hydrocortisone. And then I didn't, what is this box you went into? No, I have my drawer, all my toiletries are in my, a couple of drawers in the hallway. Yes, in the hallway.

Yeah. But then you went through and everything was expired. Cream! So he gave me like a four-year-old expired, which means it was given to you at least five years ago, cream. Yeah. I just said it was a whole box, but it hadn't been opened. Anus rash. And I did a, yeah, it expired two years ago, 28, no, 2020.

Is that when it expired? No, it was 2018. Oh, is it? Yeah. So four years. So I would have got it about five years ago. Yes. And I Googled when I gave it to you and all the Google was like, do not use this.

Do not use it. But that's what big pharma want, man. That's what they want, man. They want you to buy more, man. They want you to buy more. And it had the seal. It had the little silver seal on it, and I went straight away. You popped into the bathroom.

I tossed up the back of my dress, and I absolutely rubbed it right in to the problem area. So to answer the question, does expired hydrocortisone 1% cream still work? Yes, it does. Oh, fantastic. It's basically gone. A couple more days. And it'll be gone.

And I'll be rash free. Just in time for my colonoscopy so that my surgeon doesn't have to bloody look at that rash. Because we all say they've seen worse, but you could be the worst. It was pretty bad. Mine was pretty bad. Yeah. Well, good stuff. Without having your magic box of creams and ointments.

The thing is, I just want to get, like, I had a couple prescribed. Only prescribed? Prescribed. Prescribed. And I only used one, and then I just chucked it in the drawer and never needed it. Yes. But it just stays there. Yeah.

It's just a drawer full of crap. Medication crap. I think you need to go through it, though. And sell it. And do some cult. No, don't sell it, And do some cult. Sell it on Trade Me. No, don't sell it, you bloody scarper. Smoke it.

I don't know if you can smoke a crime. Yeah, you could oil it up, though. It's a quarter's attitude. Get a fume going. Yeah. Play Zed-N's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Think about him every day. Good morning.

Ain't that the truth? It was hard this morning. Oh, you get a little bit allergy. Yeah. Why'd you rub? I was like, a little bit. And I meant blocked up. You immediately checked your nose for cocaine residue.

She was like, huh? I thought she was checking for a booger. I was checking for a booger. No one checks just the opening to the cave. Because when you went like that, you got a little bit, I thought you meant of boogie. Yeah, I am a little bit. Blocked up. Has COVID finally got Sproul?

No, I don't. Last man standing. Have you done a test? I did a test on Saturday, actually. Okay. Oh, well, you're fine then. Plane is a whistle. How has it not got you yet?

I don't know. I just don't know. I mean, I treat my body like a temple, as you're fine then. Clean as a whistle. How has it not got you yet? I don't know. I just don't know. I mean, I treat my body like a temple, as you know. Yes, very much so. Like an absolute temple. One of those temples they take you to in Thailand where they're like, get in the tuk-tuk. And then on the way you stop at a suit store

that their friend owns and then a jewellery store and then a temple that you're like, this isn't a temple, is it? This isn't a temple. This is made out of polystyrene. Leave some gold and then get back that you're like, this isn't a temple. This isn't a temple. This is made out of polystyrene. Leave some gold and then get back to your resort. Coming up on the show, 7 o'clock, we've got

a concert announcement. We've got some tickets as well. I'll give you all the details after the news at 7. We've got the top six coming up. There's been a dig. I love this. This is, you may not know, a listener to the podcast actually works at this dig site. Quite the fossil dig site down south.

An archaeological dig site. Paleontologists. Paleo. Archaeological indicates human involvement, I believe. Oh, okay. This is next step. This is dinosaurs. This is Ross from Friends.

This is Ross from Friends, not Indiana Jones. Good, okay. They have very different sorts of This is Ross from Friends, not Indiana Jones. Good. Okay. They're very different sorts of dig sites. They found an ancient swan. A swan? An ancient swan. Oh, my God.

Right. So is this like a New Zealand native swan or something? It's exciting stuff. Is it? Well, it's what New Zealand was at the time that this swan existed. It's exciting stuff. I've got the top that the swan existed. It's exciting stuff. I've got the top six other fossils.

Yeah. They'll find it. What I'm calling the swan dig site. Right. Okay. It's coming up on the show in the top six. Next though. There's a town in England and the council's made a very big mistake.

ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. A parish council. What is that? So we learned about this during lockdown Because do you remember they were having those online Zoom parish councils And a woman was brought in to mediate And he, what was her name? You have no power here Yes

It's basically like village boards, right? Like small versions of town councils Jackie Jackie someone We. Jackie someone. Weaver. Jackie Weaver. You have no power here, Jackie Weaver! And then didn't an inquiry find out she actually didn't

have any power in the end? No, but they brought her in to mediate and she was trying to mediate something, right? Yeah, I think she was trying to control it a bit. Yeah, I'm just an outside source that you asked to come in to mediate, but now that I don't agree with what you're saying. Yeah, but they're just the local council, right? In the towns.

Because the parish part made me feel like it was somewhat a religious thing. No, it's, well, yes because the, what is it in England? The church owns all the land, but you buy it off them, but then they still retain some sort of sovereignty over it.

Well, this is very unholy, what this parish council have done. They thought they would get some lovely garden beds out on, you know, council property. I love it. Some lovely garden beds. Yeah, I love a change of season. They'll change the roundabout. There'll be some marigolds in there.

And they thought they went pinks and reds and fuchsias. Flourishing. Gorgeous. They just thought, we just want to brighten up the community. And so they did and they got all these plants together and they planted them. And then a woman was driving by to drop her daughter off and she looked at them and was like, is that what I think it is? And bits shooting out the middle, they've planted marijuana.

Multiple questions. So many questions. Where did they get marijuana from was it just down palmers no it wasn't down at palmers a six punitive of weed plants like when you get some some sweet corn shoots so they just thought i don't know how they bought them maybe they bought them online because they they don't explain how they got it they just got gardeners to come and plant these things maybe it it was the gardeners. Because a lot of the time it was people on community service. Maybe they thought like, I'll just hide it in here rather than having

it on my house. Having a smoke break and some seeds fell in. So they were there for like four days, these weed plants. And then they eventually released a statement saying like, we're alerted to a report concerning one of the village's floral displays,

which is suggested it may have been tampered with. So they were like, we didn't plant that. Someone has just put a little seedy weedy, weedy seedy in there. And it's grown into a marashoana. You think about it, if you were going to grow it, that somebody else would be tending to it. They've all got those little, if you were going to grow it, that somebody else would be tending to it. They've all got those little, if it gets too dry,

they turn on at a certain time of day, don't they? And they water the plants. So what a perfect spot. But I mean, when they are like six foot tall and absolutely pungent, I'm imagining people might ask some questions. Because hasn't there been a problem at the parliament grounds after the protests, the occupation? A couple of marijuana plants. Yes, just start sprouting up.

Yeah. Jeepers. Well, they've removed them. So if you're in Dorset, don't go a-looking. Too late. Too late. Next on the show, one in four neighbours have admitted to doing this. You've both got neighbours?

Famously, yes. In an urban setting? I don't think I could do this in my setting. No, you can't. In an apartment. I believe you could. If you put your mind to it, anything's possible. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Well, a home security camera company has commissioned a poll, a survey, and they have found that one in four people admit to using their home security cameras, you know, like the wireless cams. Yes. So you just plug and play. You've got your Arlos. What are your other ones?

Your Ring. Your Ring. Yep, people have the Ring doorbell cameras. One in four admit to using them to spy on their neighbours. Why are you spying on your neighbours? What are they up to? Maybe you're just seeing the comings and goings I don't know Right, monitoring it

Maybe you've got dodgy neighbours See, I don't think in apartment buildings you can just chuck a security camera outside your front door You could pop it in the door though And see the comings and goings Well, that's still spying You're just being a nosy person really. You're seeing comings and goings. If you've got suspicions that they're running

some sort of meth lab. Yeah right or party Airbnb. Sex trade. But there are cameras on the front doors. Yeah yeah. But you don't have access directly to those do you? No. That goes to the person who can't be monitoring every minute of the day. One in seven confess to getting an X-rated show of their neighbour.

I've had an X-rated show of a couple of neighbours, actually. Right, not with security cameras or just live eyes? No, just with my built-in security cameras, my eyeballs. Yeah, I remember once when I was at uni, our neighbour was always nude and I saw a lot of her bum bum because she had like a bunk or like a loft bed. Oh, yeah. And she'd always climb up there, would see her.

I mean, you kept looking by the sounds of it. No, she was keeping it tight. Well, you see movement, your eyes automatically drawn to it, isn't it? That's right. That's right for them. So if you see a white bottom jiggling up them stairs. But if you're constantly looking up there and you see movement,

well, that's just natural, isn't it? It's just the eye. Just attracted to what it's attracted to. Gen X homeowners are the most likely to spy on neighbours. It's Gen Z 3 and 10 that use their cameras to avoid people at the door. They don't own a home. Oh, yeah. Come on, Gen Z doesn't own a home.

Slap one of those on the door and you'll have to answer it. Yeah, nothing's stopping you though renting and having a ring cam. No, exactly. But I mean, I don't know who's just cold calling, turning up to visit. But yes, a lot of people checking who's at the door before they even go to open it and then maybe don't open it at all.

Who's knocking on doors? Yeah. It's no good. If someone's knocking on the door. Someone's died. They better have. Or they're just like trying to sell you something

or they're a religious door knocker maybe. I just feel like these days no one knocks at a door, at a stranger's door. Do couriers knock or do they just leave and... Nah, ever since COVID. Our couriers beep.

Oh, do they? Beep. Like they make the beep themselves or they use the horn? Oh, if they're doing it themselves, they're doing a great job. They sound exactly like a Toyota HiAce. Right. Dropping it off by their hands.

Beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep. Coming. Your parcel's here. Beep, beep, beep. Don't spy on your neighbours. I live a, I don't know, I would say 50% nude life at home. Right.

It's my privilege to do so. Yeah. I don't have flatmates. I mean, I think if you've got security cameras, you've just got to make sure they're on your property, right? Yes. But they do have a 180 degree view, don't they? Yeah, they've got a wide lens.

They've got a wide lens, so it's pretty hard to... You might be able to catch a little bit of Jack and Jill next door. 18 past six. I was wondering what you were going to say. I didn't think it was going to be Jack and Jill. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little boy.

Silly little boy. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little boy. Silly little boy. Silly silly little pole, silly little pole. Today's silly little pole, it's about peanut butter. Sure is, sure is. Wow. Is it about vodka?

Silly little pole about peanut butter, smooth or crunchy. As someone that never ate peanut butter because of a mild peanut allergy as a child. Did you? That's right. Well, no one knew because we never really had peanuts. But once we were on a road trip and I said, I really want some chips. This was at the motel or motor inn we were staying at. This is another thing I recently told Shade.

I never stayed at a hotel. We never stayed at a hotel. Until I was like working. And work put me recently told Sade. I never stayed at a hotel. No, no, we never stayed at a hotel. Until I was like working. And work put me in a hotel. I'd never stayed in a hotel before. You just had the motel. A motel. I love a motel.

Or a little motor in. You love a motel until the bed's a bit concave. Yeah, always got to sink in the middle of the bed. And there's ciggy stains on the duvet. Oh, yeah. I did. I left the sheets and went to the mattress. When you boil the jug, it got a kind of an unusual pong

yeah coming out of it love it but yeah we're staying in a motor inn and I said I really want some chips and dad said

there's peanuts and I said I don't like peanuts and then there was an argument and he was a dad in the 80s he was tired and frustrated of his kids ruining his holiday

and he forced peanuts into my mouth and you went into an anaphylactic shock it got like I was like and then I got like a red peanuts into my mouth. And you went into an anaphylactic shock. I was like, and then I got a red thing around my mouth. I bet he felt bad. Nah.

So that'll teach you. He was like, more peanuts for me. Probably didn't have to chew his peanuts. But then apparently you can grow out of them in puberty. If it's mild, if it's super mild, it was not bad. But I never ate peanut butter. But recently I have gone into a bit of peanut butter.

Yeah, I mean, there's so many. We're so blessed, aren't we? Hashtag blessed. Oh, hashtag blessed. Peanut butter in this country. Picks? Fix and fog? Fix and fog.

I like the flavoured peanut butters. Oh, yeah, that chilli one. The chilli one. The smoke and fire. They released one called Smoke and Chaos, and it was literally like Satan himself was in your mouth. Oh, my God, yes, because I got the one a step down, and it's almost too much. You can use that much in a stir fry.

Yeah, if you're doing a satay situation, great, but don't put it on your toast as liberally as you would. Oh, no, no, no. And it wouldn't really peanut butter. Otherwise, Satan will be in your mouth. Satan will literally be in your mouth. On fire. And he won't leave for a long time. Satan's peanuts. Yeah. Peanut butter smooth

or crunchy? Crunchy taking it out at 61%. Yeah, as it should. Yeah. Smooth on 39. Too pasty. I think about like that smooth, you know that like sanitarium or that, all those just ultra processed peanut butters. Old school peanut butters.

Yeah. No, we've moved on from those. All you want in your peanut butter is peanuts and salt. Yeah. Yeah. That's the magic. That's good stuff. Brianna says smoothies for smoothies and crunchies for toast.

Both peanut butters have a place in my heart. Yeah, because you don't want a crunchy in your smoothie. Smoothies for smoothies. Yeah. But you blend a want a crunchy in your smoothie. Smoothies for smoothies. Yeah. But you blend a smoothie until it's all smooth. That's why it's called a smoothie. She might not have a good blender. I just put mine in my 10-year-old Nutribullet this morning.

Very crunchy. Yeah. It's a smoothie. Old Redders. Andrew Reddersman says, Disgusting either way, you dirty people. He's just anti-Panamera. He sounds like a Nutella guy.

A grown man still loves Nutella. I reckon he's got jam energy. Yeah. Big marmalade energy. Big marmalade man. Big tangy. Rolled Red is. He loves a tangy marm.

If he doesn't love a bit of crunchy in his mouth, he's not going to like a rind of an orange in marmalade. Marmalade is not where it's at. Marmalade is where it's at. No, it's not. Have you tried it since your palate matured?

Because my palate has matured so much in the last five years actually. No, I haven't. The late 20s, early 30s, your palate changes

and you can like totally like smash Marmalade now because I remember as a kid you were always like, ah, poison jam. Yeah.

I love Marmalade now. I mean, it's still half sugar, so it's never been bad. Yeah, like, ah, poison jam. Yeah. I love marmalade now. I mean, it's still half sugar, so it's never been bad. Yeah, it's healthy. It's health food. Yeah. Candy says, I don't like the squeaky, crunchy bits while eating crunchy peanut butter. Oh, it does kind of squeak a little bit. It squeaks on your teeth, eh?

The little chunks squeak on your teeth. Lucy says, smooth so I can try to trick my body into not having a peanut allergy. It doesn't work. But it tastes good. I love people that know that they're allergic to something. Yeah. Yes. Like, people are like, I do have an alcohol allergy.

You're like, yeah, I know you. And they're like, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. Down the hatch. Emma says, people that like smooth are probably the same people that can't handle pulp in their OJ. Grow up and get a grip. Oh, we should do a little poll on pulpy OJ because I have to go pulp. It's got to be pulpy. Oh, it's got to be pulp.

It's got to be pulpy. It tricks you into thinking it's not like bad for you because it's like you're drinking an orange. Otherwise, it's just raro. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Serena says, crunchy rips soft bread. So I'll go smooth for the sake of the bread. Go toast.

You should be toasting. Make toast. Always toast with peanut butter. Grow up. Make toast. Who's breeding with peanut butter? Jared breads. Jared, grow up.

Like a peanut butter sandwich. Grow up. Grow up and make some toast. You're flatting now. Grow up. Yeah, I don't have a toaster yet. No, I do. I do.

I want a new toaster. I want a new toaster yet. No, I do. I do. I want a new toaster. I want a new toaster too. What's wrong with yours? A toaster shouldn't take two pop-downs on six, which is its max setting, which annoys me, by the way. It should be five or ten. It shouldn't be six. That's a terrible number for a max setting.

Stupid piece of shit. Now, is this bread frozen? No, from the fridge. A Vogel's from the fridge. You're telling me that takes two pop-downs. It's time for a new toaster. Yeah, get a new toaster. Because I've got a frozen button. Because I have some if I have a... You've got a posh toaster. I've got a posh

toaster and a posh kettle. You've got a posh... I would love your toaster kettle combo. Well, I've got a Briscoe sale. Yeah, I've got a Briscoe sale. Breville. Breville, yeah. Yeah, because we've got Breville, but it's low-end Breville. Oh. We're rocking a zip. Oh, okay. On the-end Breville. Oh. We're rocking a zip. Oh, okay.

On the wall. We're just like, we're rocking a zip. Is your house a staff room? A wall-mounted zip. Is it one of those old ones that's shaped like R2-D2 on the wall and it whistles when it's boiled? No, it's just like a two-slice. It looks like an LPG tank.

Yeah. It only cooks the top half of the toast. I want a fancy toaster. Well, you invest in a good toaster because you want crispy. Yeah. You want good toast. And I don't want to have to be like push down, push down. Yeah.

I know you're a Vogels, you're a Smalley, you're a Dentsy, you're a little bit thicker, but I'm a toast. You don't need two. You don't need two push downs. No. And Beth finally says, smooth versus crunchy is always a good bumble opener. If they say smooth,

you know there's something incredibly wrong with that person and it's a very easy unmatch. Unmatch them immediately. What a savage. Probably a psychopath. Yeah. Serial killer. Yeah.

And somebody, do you think the FBI has a list of all the serial killers you've ever caught and whether they like smooth or crunchy. I don't know whether or not they like smooth or crunchy, but a lot of them, as I am, are left-handed. I thought you were going to say the star sign. Are they Gemini's?

I'm a Libra. A Libra. I'm a Libra with wings. I'm just Googling. Psychopaths. What's the zodiac sign of most serial killers? Is it earrings? Capricorns have had the most serial killers than any other sign.

Oh. Is it you? Cancer has the deadliest serial killer. Wait, hang on. Hang on. How can you not be a deadly serial killer? Like most kills. I think the most kills.

Yeah, I think the most kills. You can't call them a world champion serial killer because that most kills. I think the most kills. Yeah, I think the most kills. You can't call them a world champion serial killer because that's obviously... The best. Yeah, it sounds like a positive thing versus most deadliest. Number one. They found that Cancer, Pisces, Sagittarius and Scorpio accounted for 40% of serial killers.

Gemini and Taurus together have only 11% of serial killers. Where's Libra at? Capricorns had the most victims total on average in any other sign, and Cancer has the deadliest serial killer, 93. But wait, if you've got the most kills, surely you're the deadliest. Otherwise, what are you up to? I'm questioning these stats.

I mean, it's stats based on star signs I don't think it's up for It's not Too rock solid Too much questioning is going to crumble this castle A man You're on a journey to health Not a man I'm not're on a journey to health.

Not a man is on a journey to health. I'm not calling you a man. A man, brackets. Hayley, you're on a journey to health. I am. Brackets. I am. And for your lunch today or in your bag, you have a tub of ham. A 50 grams of ham and a carrot.

Because this weekend my body did not see a vegetable Yeah right It was just one of those weekends And it didn't see a vegetable And I just felt it last night I was like boy I need some health And of course ham is one of the vegetables Famously a vegetable

Very high in fibre Sodium, a lot of sodium Very good for you Well I just looked in the fridge And I was like how am I going to kick start this journey to health And all I had was a carrot and a packet of ham. So that's what I've brought today. Right, great.

I love ham. I love ham too, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't say it's a journey to health though. So did 41-year-old, now 46-year-old Tyrone from Birmingham. Okay. It was in December 2017. He ate a ham roll at a Christmas market. Oh, yum.

Can we just cast our mind back to 2017? What a time. We didn't know how good we had it. We didn't know we were living the best days of our lives, did we? I don't know that I was quite. 2018, 2019. That's right, because you were a huge Trump fan. So once he was leader of the free world, you were on board with the best days.

I was like, finally. Yeah. A man of the people. Finally. Finally a man willing to stand up for what everybody believes in, but is too scared to say because of the woke crap. Don't get me started on that Obama fella. We never saw a birth certificate.

So it was December 2017. Within hours of eating the ham roll He had cramps Fever, vomiting and diarrhea Oh dear And he was bedridden for five weeks Five weeks? Did he say the kind of ham?

Is it luncheon ham? I think if it's a Christmas market It's got to be a big glazed ham off the bone Situation I've got skinny shaved manuka honey leg ham. I also feel people always blame the wrong food for what makes them sick because they'll eat something and 20 minutes later they'll be like, I've got food poisoning.

It takes longer than that. It takes ages for the bacteria to multiply to the point where they can make you sick. Yeah. So it's more like 12 hours to a day. So it may have been something else that made him sick, but he thinks it's the ham roll. And ever since, he has had uncontrollable, embarrassing flatulence. So much so that it wakes him at night.

Wait, you said five years ago. Five years ago. He's been farting up a storm for five years. It wakes him at night. He farts so hard that he wakes up. Yeah. So the sickness of the gut has imbalanced his... Yeah.

His gas and bacteria and stuff. He's fermenting. Yeah. From just a ham... Constantly fermenting. Ham at a market. And the sickness that it caused. It sounds like he needs some Activa.

He needs to get on the probiotics. Yeah, right. Well, as someone with gut health issues, you know it's just a bloody rollercoaster, isn't it? It's an absolute rollercoaster. This whole week, I mean, I'm on colon prep. Are you getting a colon? I'm getting a colonoscopy on Thursday.

Did Vaughan tell you about his colonoscopy the first time it didn't work? They went raw dog? I think he's trying... Look, he's absolutely triggered by that. I think he's trying to hold back some of the details, knowing that my colonoscopy is impending. The good part about it is the spaghetti drug worked.

Yeah. They give you two drugs, the painkiller and the spaghetti drug. Now, the spaghetti drug works. Did you go to sleep, though? No, but I can't remember it. Are you general? Yeah, I'm going under because I think they're going to take some biopsies. Are you going, are you getting a general?

I feel like I'm making it sound more dangerous than it is. I'm farting. My second time I got propofol. Forgetty. Yeah. No, no, no. Forgetty I had with propofol. Oh, right.

But it's when you wake up, you feel like shit after anaesthetic. No, propofol. You can see why Michael Jackson jumped in his oxygen tank every night and was like, it was a propofol doctor. can see why Michael Jackson jumped in his oxygen tank every night and was like, it was a propofol. Doctor. Yeah. I don't know which one I'm getting.

I thought I was going under because of the thingy. If you can, ask for the propofol. Wait, no, seriously, how do they get the scissors up there? What are they?

Off the biopsy? They're snipping a bit of... They're not cutting. It's like a little punch thing. It's like a tunnel. The camera's got teeth. The camera's got a little nip-nip. The camera's got a little...

Just gives a little bite of my... A little tongy. Right. On my colon. So basically the doctor's playing a video game. Yeah. Yes.

Well, I'm like... Grand Theft Anal is their video game. Play ZM's Fletchvorna Nelly. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Hi there The Central Otago dig site That is just riddled with paleontologists Has found a fossil believed to belong To the southern hemisphere's oldest known swan species.

Oh, yes. Yeah. What a find. Yeah. Cool. So St. Bathans was a gold rush town in Otago. Oh, my God. So beautiful.

I've never been. Oh, my God. Where simply where is it? It's just out of Queenstown, really. And it is, if you look up St. Bathans, there's like a lake, Blue Lake. I think it might be man made oh those are my favourite

the ones that are really toxic because they're really they're curated and it is like the most beautiful thing in the world yeah it's a beautiful

spot St. Bathans Blue Lake oh it's on the way to Naseby look at this yeah that's beautiful oh yeah that's gorge

that's absolutely gorge so they began plundering it for gold back in the 1800s. And during that time, they found some fossils. So when the gold thing dried up, apparently it's been a hell of a place for a dig. We've got someone that listens to the podcast.

I'm going to get this wrong. I'm just going to say Andrew because I feel like everybody's called Andrew. Yes, quite a few. It's either Ben or Andrew. Andrew dug there as a paleontologist. And every now and then he'd send me photos of things they found because he messaged me once saying... Does he have a nice sieve?

Because I imagine you have to have a nice sieve. And a brush. And a brush. And a little pickaxe. And a little tick, tick, tick, tap, tap, tap. Like a couple of little mini pickaxes. Yes. Ah, cute.

So this is called the Bannockburn Swan now. Yeah. And it was found near Stockburn swan now. Yeah. And it was found near St. Baffin's. Okay. Scientists have discovered nine ancient waterfowl species at St. Baffin's. Were they eating them? Can you eat a swan? Like, you know, were the miners eating them?

What would a swan taste like? These things were like hundreds of thousands of years ago. They weren't there the same time as the miners. Oh, okay. I thought they were there the same time as the miners. They wouldn't have had a chance to fossilize. Right. No, this is like ancient, ancient.

Huh. We were probably still joined to some other continent like a long, long time ago. Okay. This isn't just like they weren't having to chew on some swans and chucking their bones down a hole and fossilizing that time. I thought they found some kind of like, yeah, the lucky takeaways or something.

No, you silly goose. So I've got the top six other fossils found at the Otago dig site if swans are anything to go by. Okay. Number six on the list, the ferocious killer, the Ducasaurus rex. Oh, yeah. It's an angry little duck. You know the old, would you rather fight 100 horse-sized ducks

or one duck-sized horse? Yeah. This thing was an duck-sized horse? Yeah. This thing was an elephant-sized duck. Amazing. Also, duck-sized horse. You just kick it. A duck the size of a horse. No, duck-sized horse.

Little mini horse. But like 100 of them. Oh, there's 100. Now that I've said that, I was told a hundred, but it would be more like ten. A hundred, you're just going to get swamped. Am I allowed to flame throw in either of these situations? Because if there's a hundred, that's the only way. You're allowed a knife.

A singular knife. A singular knife. One knife. I'll climb a tree. I'm going to stab all these mini horses. Yeah, well, that's the other thing. You've got to have the gall to stab a hundred little creatures. I couldn't do that.

But it's you or them. No, I'll hide up a tree until they go. But they're ducks. They can fly. No, no, no. They're duck-sized horses. Oh, ducks. You've chosen the duck-sized horses, right?

Yeah. No, not the horse-sized duck. Well, what if they just turn around and start kicking the tree until it breaks and you fall? I'm just saying. But they're tiny. They're little duck-sized horses. I'll have a loaf. If they turn around and they kicking the tree until it breaks and you fall. I'm just saying. But they're tiny. They're little duck sized horses. I'll have a loaf and they're all working together.

I'll have a loaf of bread to distract them. That's a great, one of their horses. You want sugar cubes. Sugar cubes. Okay. Apples.

Yeah. Oh, a horse will eat bread. Don't get me wrong. Number five on the list of the top six other fossils found at the St. Baffin Sotago dig site. 100 little sparrowodactyls.

You know, whenever there's one swan, there's like 100 sparrows. Yeah. Just hoping to, I don't know, pick up on some morsels that the swans missed. Number four on the list of the top six other fossils found at the Otago dig site. An ancient cave baby that got too close for its own good.

I reckon a swan would take you, it would pluck the eyes straight out of a child if you let it. They're so ferocious with those necks, and you think, oh no, he's a metre away, and then he's one step in the neck extension away from absolutely snapping your finger. Number three on the list of the top six other fossils found at the Otago dig site, a goose-a-raptor.

Oh yeah, those look ferocious. Or a loss-a-raptor, but a goose-a-raptor. I hate the gooses. Yeah, imagine a goose with knives for their feet. Yeah. Oh. That's what you got there. Number two on the list of the top six fossils found at the Otago dig site,

a fossil of a manky body of water that would 100% give you duck COVID. Yeah. I heard it's the worst COVID. This is why. Do you know they used to, in Auckland, Western Springs, beautiful place for a walk. Ducks should all over the path, though, so just be careful where you trod. They used to, in Auckland, Western Springs, beautiful place for a walk. Ducks should all over the path though, so just be careful where you trod. They used to swim in there.

It was where they got the city's water from. It's this beautiful, clean water, and now it's just manky and infested with ducks and geese and swans. And eels. Yeah, the eels can stay. Not as many though. Not if I'm swimming in there. They should let you take one home.

As long as you're going to eat it. Yeah. But the rest of them, I just As long as you're going to eat it. Yeah. But the rest of them, I just reckon a night time. Just a cull. Slaughtering. Yeah. Just helicopter in from those black helicopters. Those quiet black helicopters.

Just snipers. Night vision goggles. Red dots. There's a red dot on your head. Nighttime raid. Get rid of it. Reclaim that beautiful bit of water. And number one on the list of the top six other fossils found at the Otago dig site,

a loaf of Bredosaurus. Yeah, nice. Which is the thing that, of course, the ancient St. Baffin's swan would have yummed right up. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Anyone that's travelled recently will know, and especially those stuck in Queenstown overnight, trying to get back with school holidays. Yes, and didn't Wellington Airport close...

Thursday? Thursday. Yeah, and so bad weather, that meant flights were just all, the knock-on effect all weekend with the school holidays was crazy. So anyone that's been flying lately knows that it is chaos in the travel industry. And we've got a friend, James, who's going to Europe soon. One of these people that's, you know, going to be on the Instagram feed soon. Flit off.

Yeah. And we've been teasing him about losing his bags. Because, you know, in Europe at the moment, it's so bad. People are just losing their bags. Yeah, there's like piles of it. They're not turning up. There's like warehouses full his bags. Because, you know, in Europe at the moment, it's so bad. People are just losing their bags. Yeah, there's like piles of it. Because they're just not turning up. There's like warehouses full of bags. In fact, I was just reading a story of a US traveller

who flew back to Europe to get his bag because he had an AirTag on it. That's the Apple kind of... The Apple AirTag. So, what... And what did that cost him? Like to fly back? He must have had something in his bag that was worth more than his cheap,

because he did get cheap flights. Yeah. But he could see his bag at the airport. And so he's like, well, I'm going to go back and get it. And he got it. But then what if he got on a plane and was at the airport? Sure, but then it gets chucked on a flight back home. And then he lands and it's like.

It's like phone tag. Switcher, switcher. He's been reunited. There's also, and my friend we've been teasing this friend James at the weekend, TikTok of a woman who flew, took off she got an Apple Watch notification saying your bag, your luggage been left behind and it's just a view out

the plane window. Oh yes. And her and her friend laughing because it notifies you if the item, the air tag, leaves you. Yes. Well, every time I go to the toilet,

my watch tells me that I've left my phone behind. Yes. Do you not take your phone to the toilet? Not if I'm just doing a quick walk. That's dangerous.

What if you get stuck there? If I get stuck and I need rescuing. No, no, no. Or I just mean like you went for one but it turned into a two. Because Warren will quite often message a group chat saying,

I'm stuck in the toilet. Yes. So that's why he takes his phone. Yeah. But I've travelled with ear tags. I've got ear tags. I put one on my suitcase. I could see that it had landed when I was in Aussie.

Yes. I could see it was in the same city. So I was like less stressed instantly. Like, great. So anyway, we've been teasing my friend James. He's off to Europe. And so he's like, I've got to buy some of these ear tags. So he gets online at the weekend and he leaves this Friday and they're all sold out in Auckland.

He's like checking all the stores. He's calling them. There's nothing. Because you keep hollering on about them on the air. Yes. I'm like, these are great. And so he's like, he rings me later in the day on Saturday and he's like, I found some, but they're in Whangarei.

Do you want to come for a road trip? Oh, Whangarei is ages away. You famously love sitting in a car. I love sitting in a car. I mean, if I'd had a bit more warning, when he called me, I was at the supermarket checkout and I had like treats. I was ready for a night of Netflix in the couch.

I was like, I'll pass on this. But he drove two hours there. He got them to hold them for him. Drove two hours from Auckland to Whangarei. Picked them up. The last like- So there was just none. There was none.

None in Auckland. You're telling me he rang every electronic store. You can check like Noel Leeming's PB Tech. All have the in stock and they're all sold out. He rang everywhere. So he found these. He drove two hours there, two hours back. And so I want to know this morning, what's the most distance you've traveled,

farther is furthest, whatever, to get something? Because you've done this on Trade Me. You'll buy a table or a chair and then drive an hour and a half to pick it. That's so much effort. I often buy things, like if I'm really looking for a specific item or like wanting to find something cool, I'll often open it up to the Waikato region. Because then I'm like, ah, I could get, I've got brothers-in-laws across the country. You're my worst nightmare is a friend saying, hey, can you just pick something up off Trade

Me that I've done? Yeah, well, because my mum does it to me so much as well. She does, yeah. Constantly, because she's like, oh my God, Auckland's just got better stuff off Trade Me that I want? Yeah, well, because my mum does it to me so much as well. She does, yeah. Constantly, because she's like, oh, my God, Auckland's just got better stuff on Trade Me for houses. So we've got all of her furniture and sinks and tapware and lights and stuff in our garage. But I do it, and yeah, I've bought something in Christchurch.

Now I need to get my brother-in-law to pick it up. What is it? It's a dresser. Oh, because we'll be down for Bangers Bingo next week. I don't think they'll take a dresser on the plane. I am a Kuru Club member. No, I think there's a dresser. Oh, because we'll be down for Baggins Bingo next week. I don't think they'll take a dresser on the plane. What's the check-in? I am a Kuru Club member. No, I think there's a size limit.

A dresser sounds a bit big. Unless you just do a draw at a time. You could take it to the Fraggle counter. Yeah, we could do a draw each, though, as a check-in. It's vintage. It's oak. I don't want it smashed. Oh, no, it's going to get smashed if you check.

The minute those draws come out of that, they're going to get smashed. Do you know another thing people travel distance for is food. I know we've talked about this before. Yes. You've got a favourite takeaway shop or a bakery. Someone might drive an hour or two just to get a pie. Yes. Because maybe you're hungover or you're that hungry.

Or when you just want that one specific thing, you're like, nothing else will scratch this itch. I have to drive to Hamilton. Or fly to Queenstown to go to Blue Canoe. We checked flights this morning. It's too expensive still. It's a very expensive flight. I would fly so... And let's just talk about the carbon

footprint for that meal, shall we? Because you two think about flying down there for a Friday. Climate criminals. I want to take your calls now. 0800DARLSAT-9696 to text. How far did you drive or fly just to pick something up? My brother-in-law who lives in Christchurch has said, oh God, I'll drive it to Auckland next holidays.

Thank you, Matthew. Well, a friend at the weekend drove two hours to a store just to buy some Appalere tags and then drove two hours home because it's the only place he could find them. Whangarei is not... From Auckland, it's not... Well, I mean, it's a... You've got a bit of a windy drive.

You get stuck behind a logging truck. Did he look in Hamilton? That would have been closer. I don't know if he looked in Hamilton. He didn't look in Hamilton. I don't know if he looked in Hamilton. But no, he was trying... Hamilton, you get the expressway, baby.

Yeah, well, yeah. You're there in an hour now. And it's 110 was trying. Hamilton, you get the expressway, baby. Yeah. You're there in an hour now. And it's 110, isn't it, on the expressway? Yeah. Sure is. It's tough. So we want to know how far you've gone to pick up something or to get something. Maybe you had a hankering for your favourite food.

Or maybe you bought something of Trade Me and then realised it was in, I don't know, two hours drive away. On a different island. Yeah, sure. As I find myself. I'm hearing this one. I'm feeling this one. Yeah. Are you?

I'm almost tasting this one. Oh. Flew to Rarotonga just so I could go to Vili's Burger Joint. Been there. Ate that. Is it yummy? So good. And then pop up the road to the moorings and get yourself a fish sandwich.

Oh, stop that. You got your two absolute staples of a Rarotongan holiday. Did they go last minute for a weekend or did they? I stayed a couple of days there too, but it was the burger that drew me back, they say. Somebody said, I don't know why you drove this. Maybe it was my mate

and I drove Auckland to Wellington to pick up weed. I said, why would you go that far for weeds? I've got plenty of my garden coming help yourself. It's safe to say it is nationwide. Yeah, I don't think that's just a Wellington thing. Maybe it's just like, it's the good stuff, you know? Who knows? Jacob, how far did you go?

Hey, mate. A couple of years ago, I live currently in Christchurch. Yeah. And I had a mate that was flying up from Dunedin to come see me. And then he messaged me after work at about 6 o'clock, said that his flight got cancelled, and he was coming up to watch some footy in Christchurch. So I sent him a text message at about 6.30,

about half an hour to think about this. And I actually drove down, picked him up, and then brought him back. So all the way to Dunedin. I think we left at 6.30. We got back at probably about 3am and then played rugby the next day

so the things that you do for the boys Oh you're a good mate He didn't actually believe us until we got to Oamaru and we sent him a photo on Snapchat with the location

he's like holy crap I better pack my bags Yeah that's a long way That's not like picking someone up from the airport. That is next level.

How long ago was this? Because with petrol prices today, there'd be someone that'd have to be chipping in for this fuel. Oh, mate, he'd be paying for the fuel for sure. Yeah. 100%. I think it was about two years ago, mate. Yeah, right, okay.

Remember two years ago? Oh, no, two years ago, it was all just getting real. That was getting real, yeah, yeah. Jacob, thanks for your call. Some more messages in. I drove four hours there and then four hours back to get my hair done, coloured and cut, et cetera. Turns out I didn't get what I asked for and I paid over $400 for it.

Now why did you drive that far without knowing for a fact? Surely you've got a local salon. Surely there's somewhere there. There's a Rodney Wayne or a Just Cuts. Yeah. I have considered this of late because my doctor is moving to New Plymouth from

Auckland and she just knows too much about me. You know what I mean? So I said to her, maybe I'll commute. The good thing is no one listens to the show in New Plymouth. Yeah, apart from my mum, but I think even sometimes she's sick of us. Yeah, she wants to turn

across the National to get the morning report. Well, no, Dad doesn't. Dad puts it on National. Yeah, fair enough. Spread the word, New Plymouth. No, so the doctor will go down there

and no one will have heard of... Why don't you get her to sign an NDA? No, no, no. I also like her. She's a fantastic doctor. I think the doctor NDA things goes without saying.

I think you have to... Hey, just before you go and tell all everybody about my vagina, could you just, I'll just get you to sign a little NDA. They're like, no, isn't that the oath? It's patient confidentiality. They do the oath. Yeah, right. But doctors, sometimes you need them on the day. You're like, oh, well, I need a doctor today.

She's great. She understands me. She knows everything. You're hitting Tikiwiri on the the day. You're like, oh, well, I need a doctor today. No, but she's worth it. She's great. She understands me. She knows everything. Right. So you're hitting Tikiwiti on the drive down, you're bleeding out, you're like, I'm coming. Ringing.

Please hold my appointment. I'm really, really, really light-headed. Have you found a new doctor? No, I haven't found a new doctor. I'm currently doctorless. I'm sad. She was the best doctor. I've got a good doctor at our way.

I've got a very good doctor at our way. Are they prepared for all of this? I drove. Are they primarily prescribed crystals and the such? Oh, okay. Yeah. Nice. A yoni egg.

A yoni egg. No matter what the problem, it's a yoni egg. It's a yoni egg, is it? I've got the cyst on me. Here's a yoni egg. Here's a yoni egg. I've got a rash on the back of my thigh. All right, what you need is some mushed up

sage. I'll make you a poultice. Okay. I live in Palmerston North. Drove to the Mount and back to pick up a little kid's motorbike when I was 39 weeks pregnant. The kid's not even born yet.

It won't be able to ride a motorbike. There'll be no time when the kids are born, though. No. I went from Tauranga to Wellington for a haircut. Curly-haired people will understand. If you've got a specialist. Is there a specialist haircutter in Wellington? Isn't it just, don't you just get a hair straightener?

No. Is that what you mean? If you've got curly hair, it's complicated. Yeah, you get a gahid. A gahid. A gahid. A gahid. Yeah, you get a good. A good. A good. A good. A good. A good.

It straightens the curls. You're really young at the age. I honestly think you look beautiful with the curls. Yeah. I think the natural curls were really a hell of a look for you. Okay, straightening it out. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. They gathered up a bunch of couples therapists to try to put together a list of what made a relationship happy and successful.

And they looked at the things that couples never did or almost never did or tried to avoid not to do or did their best to not do. And that kept them happy. Okay. I've got them. Would you like to hear them? Is it don't talk about your feelings? No. It's the opposite.

Okay, number one, they don't shy away from the tough combos. Okay. So no matter how, you know, uncomfortable it is, money or whatever, don't shy away. Dive in. Head first. All right. Have those difficult conversations. Get into it. Number two, they don't shy away. Dive in. Head first. Have those difficult conversations. Get into it. Number two, they don't keep score. I love keeping score.

It's all about keeping score. Because you've got to have a win every now and then. I need to know who won. Like, I'm not expecting to win every match. God, no. I'm the Warriors. But once a season, you know, I want to pull out a win. Yeah, yeah. And have a bit of, like, you've got to build it up so then you can

accumulate your ammunition for the win. For the big win. I don't stand by that one. Number three, they don't hold grudges. That's the same thing really, isn't it? I was just going to say that. It's very similar to holding something against someone for a win later

down the track. You've got to apologise and forgive and then move on or bring it up as ammunition so you can go for a win later down the track. You've got to apologise and forgive and then move on or bring it up as ammunition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're about to lose a gain, but you pull up this sort of trump card. Remember when you did this. Yes. Okay, I don't stand by that one either, but I am in a happy relationship.

Number four, they don't call each other names. I mean, Lizzo just called us names at the last minute there. Like bad names. I think they might call each called us a name at the last minute there. Like bad names. I think they might call each other like Snugglepuff or something. Pardon? That's fine. As long as you say it with the right tone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You Snugglepuff. Get out of here, you Snugglepuff.

Yeah. Yeah. No, they don't call each other bad names. Oh, no, don't do that. I think if I ever hear anyone talking derogatory about their partner, I'm always like, why? Like, it's so weird. Like, that's your partner. But he's a poopy head.

Number five, they don't snoop. Don't snoop, D-O-double-G. If you want trouble and you're looking for trouble, you'll find trouble. Yeah. If you are looking for trouble, there is trouble. Because you know there's trouble, otherwise why are you looking for trouble? Right. Don't snoop. Don't read texts or emails. They're boring. Also

I don't know Aaron's passwords. Don't you? If you did... Well I used to and he's changed them. Why has he changed them? Throw that in his face later. That's at least five points. I still haven't gotten to the bottom of this lotto ticket thing. Remember last week I found out he was hiding a lotto ticket from me under the rug. Did you leave the lotto ticket under the rug?

No, I've left it in the top drawer and he's home alone. He'll be cashing out his lotto ticket. You should have checked it. And going back to Bali. You should have come back to get the cat. Okay, number six, they don't lie to each other. You've got to lie every now and then. Sometimes it's for their best interest. A get the cat. Okay, number six, they don't lie to each other. You've got to lie every now and then. Sometimes it's for their best interest.

A little white lie. Okay. Number seven, they don't treat their partner like an opponent. I think that ties to the top one. We could have cut this list down, I'd say, by three. Could have been five. And number seven, they don't take their partner for granted. I thought you were going to say they don't take their partner anywhere.

Just leave them at home. Leave them at home where they can't cause any trouble. No, they don't date their partner anywhere. Just leave them at home. Keep them at home where they can't cause any trouble. No, they don't take them for granted. Well, love, you know. How good is it? I'm in love. I'm in love. You're in love.

We just want Fletch to be in love. Every day we come in and we go, God, I just feel so good today being in love. You do, every day. Fletch says, I thought I was in love last night, but it's nah. That feeling quickly faded. It was lust. It was another lust, guys.

We're like, keep at it. Keep at it. It's the way to do it. We just want it for you, babe. Maybe I need to move to Tikawiti. Well, that's exactly what's happened here. Liv joins us on the phone. A very good morning to you, Liv.

Hi, how are you? Good, thank you. We're really good. We're in love. How good is it? How good is being in love? How good is being in love? You've got a hell of a love story here.

Give us the quick version of this love story that you're in the midst of. So I met my now husband a few days before lockdown. Mutual friends recommended we catch up. We went out for dinner and then a month, you know, hearing that lockdown

was coming, he invited me to his farm and so I came down, thought it would be better being on a farm than stuck in Auckland and I just never left. So you were like, I'm going to roll the dice here, I'm going to be stuck inside for six weeks or this man's going to steal my kidneys. I was going to say he could have murdered you.

It was a better option. Was anybody worried about you? I'd be bloody beside myself if my friend was like... No, everyone was kind of relaxed which is slightly offensive actually. Yeah, I was going to say that. They wanted you gone. They're like, love's too much. No, no. We had mutual friends.

I rang our friends and were like, is he a psycho? And they were like, no, he's the nicest person ever. So I thought, why not? This big hunk of farming man meat is like,

come and stay with me for lockdown. You go down there six, was that the six week one at the start? Yeah, yeah. And you were just like, look at this space, look at this land and this lovely gent

and you fell in love. Yeah, pretty much. And now you're married. Yeah, we got engaged like nine months later. We worked it out like if we'd been dating on average three nights a week for the time we'd spent together. We worked out it had been like a couple of years. So we're like, this is fine.

Right, you just concentrated. You drank the concentrate. So you're married now, and you want to find the same sort of thing for your friend Amber. Yes. Right. And that's why we're talking to you now because this has gone viral, hasn't it? This has gone worldwide. This has gone really out of hand.

You know it's big when it's on Daily Mail in the UK. Yeah. Yeah. So your friend is not a farmy girl yet? No, but we both grew up with horses and animals, so we both had a lot of animal experience growing up. And we lived in Auckland, but we're a little bit, we're not like two city.

Right, right. So tell us, you're Waiheke Island, aren't you? Sorry? You're Waiheke Island, aren't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were on Waiheke and then moved to Auckland. It's a little bit different. The folks over there are a little bit different.

Yeah. So tell us about this post that went viral. Yeah, so I just, I love living on the farm. It's so good, but I just miss my friends so much. And I was kind of, I think I'd seen a post on Facebook, someone like advertising a working dog. And I was thinking, you know what? That would work for Amber.

So you were immediately like, someone's trying to hawk off a border collie. That's exactly, that makes me feel like my friend Amber should also be hawked off. Yep, exactly. I gave her a ring and I was like laughing about it. I was like kind of mostly joking. I was like, what would you do if I wrote an ad for you

and put it in like the Suns Weekly or something? And she was like, that's so outrageous, but just do it. But would she move? Do you reckon she would actually do it and go full rural? Yeah, 100%. Yeah, I mean, I asked her that before I did it. And yeah, no, she's so cool. She's just like the best person ever

and she's super down to earth. And she'd move rurally anyway. Like she doesn't necessarily need a guy, but for her to move down towards Tikawiti, as much as I'd love to think she'd just move down here to be close to me, she'd probably need like- Need a little bit of cuddles at night to sweeten the day. It's cold down there.

Cold down there. I mean, I know you've had global response, but has there been actually any tangible hot farmer fellas coming and knocking? I know some farms also and they're not like... You're a bit of a farmer, Vaughan. They're not progressive thinkers. They're very old school.

They'll just say what they're thinking and often that's inappropriate. So I'm wondering, has there been any... No, honestly, everyone's been so nice. I had so many people message in and everybody was so respectful. That's good to hear. Yeah, really nice. Really nice.

What happens next? Like a reality show where you get them all on the farm and then... No. No? Well, actually, actually, the campaign's gone very well so far. She's actually, she's been on a few dates with someone. Oh, okay. It's early days, but it's going well.

Give it nine months, though. What area is this gentleman farming in? He's 25 minutes away from me. Oh, yeah. This is all we're pulling the strings. Liv, the puppet master. Does he have a good tractor? Has he got a big tractor?

What's he got in the shed? You know what? I haven't checked out the stock, but he's a really nice guy. What's he farming? What's he farming? Yeah, dry stock, sheep beef. What have we got? What have we got?

Sheep beef's not bloody cocky, is it? Oh, it's a dairy farmer. He's going to be tied down every bloody weekend. He's got a milk. You know what I mean? He's got one of those lifestyle bloody sheep and beef farms. Yeah, but then Amber and Liv can hang out. Yeah, that's true.

She'll get stuck in. She's a good girl. She'll get stuck in. Okay, so could this be an idea for single ladies out there, Liv? Maybe start advertising yourself on the local farming community groups. Honestly, I just think people need to get more outside of their comfort zone because it's such a nice thing to do. People really like seeing people just be confident

and put themselves out there. And the worst that can happen is that maybe you don't get as many messages. But who cares? The worst that can happen is nothing happens. It's not that bad. And also, I love the idea of getting off the apps. You know, if you've been swiping for a long time, get off the apps, do something a bit different.

Yeah, and people who respond are obviously in a similar boat who are, like, quite keen to, you know, find someone, and I think it's just really nice. Everybody's been amazing so far. It's been such a fun experience for us. Yeah. What a love story. I definitely think we need to find out what kind of tractor this guy's rocking

before it goes any further. Yeah, I'll find out for you. I hope you do. We need updates, I reckon. Is that a good one? Is that a showboater's tractor? No, no, you want an old David Brown, you know, the old workhorse. No cab, he's not afraid to get a bit bloody wet

and the old thing needs a tickle up every now and then, but he's not afraid to get his hands dirty. Liv, I don't know what any of this means, but... Neither do I, to be honest. Can you find me a farmer to date? I mean, I'm married. I'll have to check with my wife. I'm pretty keen to get back together.

It's 2022 now. If she's okay, I'll write you an ad. A lot of people are adding thirds. Liv, thanks for talking to us this morning. No worries. Thanks, guys. Liv, thanks for talking to us this morning No worries, thanks guys Play ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley Producer Jared and the Middy

on the move this weekend God, I hate moving house It's horrible It sucks The tension The first time you have your I am holding it I am holding the corner up

You're not doing it Higher, higher Turn, turn Other way, turn. Come on. Why would you turn that way? Turn. That sort of stuff.

A lot of tension. It's great stuff. I need a rest. I need to put it down. We're almost there. Just hold on. My fingers are slipping. Well, there's enough going on with moving house, as it is,

that you don't want any unexpected events to occur. But unfortunately for JP, something very unfortunate happened. I'll pass it over to the man himself. Can I just preface this by saying I did offer to help you move, and I was declined. Wow! I offered several times.

He had a couple of genuine offers from the group, and then you chucked in an obligatory. I've got a sore back more than happy to supervise. Yeah, well, there's things I can do. I can supervise. Yeah. You know, I'm great at angles. Did you need supervision, Jared, or did you need hands on deck?

It does seem like they did. No, no, no, it was all right. We had a few other people help us, and we really appreciated the genuine offers and the half-hearted offers. The empty, the empty offers. Well, I've got a slipped disc in my back. I can't put it out.

Oh, yeah, fair. That's fair. Yeah, so we were moving on a Saturday morning. Got a van. Pretty cool. I'm a pretty rad dude in a van now. Yeah, man, that's cool. Had you driven a van before?

Once. Okay, cool. Did it have a stick shift? Driving vans is quite rad. No, I can't drive manual. Oh, mate, we've got to fix that. We've got to fix that. Really?

Can everybody here drive a manual? You can't. Mr. Bun Buns is a car reviewer. Yeah, he's tried to teach me about, I reckon we've had probably 10 driving lessons and I still refuse to do it. And a brand new Audi. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly.

I don't know, it's $350,000 supercars that he gets to drive every now and then. Maybe we shouldn't tell the company that. Yeah, Carwain, can you drive manual? No. What? Oh my God.

What does it say on your license? Are you comfortable in a manual? I'm dropping you all in. Because it should say on your license that you can only drive auto, shouldn't it? Am I right? No, no, no, no, that's old. They don't do that anymore.

They don't do that anymore? Because I guess there are no manuals right now. Yeah, I mean, I prefer not to, but if I had to get into a manual car, I'm fine. How do you do a fat skid? You just keep pushing the accelerator and crank the handbrake on. I drive a Vitz. I don't think it can do a fat skid. You're in your little girl automatic van.

It was big. You're in an automatic van. It was a cargo van. And yeah, so we got the bed in. We got the bed base in. We were just kind of loading stuff in around that. I was packing up our room and then Emma bursts into the room

and she goes, oh my God, our friendly cat, because we have a neighbourhood cat that we have bonded with. It has thumbs. Was that a pterodactyl cat? Yeah, pterodactyl cat. Opposable? Polydactyl

something, there's a word for this cat. And yeah, apparently the cat jumped in the van and just sprayed everyone. Well it was so sick because you're its pals and you're leaving the neighbourhood. Yeah. It was its way of saying, I'll teach you. Take a bit of me with you. Yeah.

Did it spray on the mattress? Yeah, dog. Oh! Burn the mattress. And I've never, like, had a pet cat, so I've never properly. Yeah, I've never experienced it. Good God. It smells like sour Wheeze

And sadness And it just Permeated the whole van Did you get some Febreze? Yeah That thing works Because I've chucked up in my bed That works a treat

Yeah A long time ago I've chucked up Chucked up Tell you what Febreze It works a treat See these parents listening

They're like He's right Because my little Timothy He vomited in the bed That's not what it is It's not a fledge I chucked up. T-Wop Febreze, it works a treat. See, these parents listening, they're like, he's right, because my little Timothy vomited. That's not what it's meant to be. That's not what it's meant to be. No, it was after that mojito night. Do you remember that mojito night? I do remember.

Is that the night you fell through the display of ginger kisses? No, it was the chips. Oh, the chips. When you were reaching for ginger kisses, you fell through the display of chips. We don't talk about that. And then you chucked up on your mattress of Febreze stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, too many ginger kisses. Does the cat pee? You can still smell it now. You've got to the other end and unpacked. The bed doesn't smell. Because of the Febreze. Because of the Febreze. No, yeah.

But the van on the return. Oh, that's not your problem. That's not your fault anymore. Yeah. Did they charge you for that? No. No, he didn't go in. He just like peeked through the windows and then I left real fast.

If you're moving flat this weekend in Auckland, you get a cargo van that smells like cat piss. Producer Jared. It's automatic too, so you won't stall it. Yeah. This story comes to us from the UK. It's the story of a family Who for the last 17 years

Have been visiting grandad, dad Uncle Tom Thomas was buried down there And of course Thomas was married To Hilda And she survived 17 years without him But the deal was It was a double grave

Chuck him on top I always thought it was beside double grave. Oh, yeah. Chuck them on top. So, yeah, they do. I always thought it was beside, but this one's on top. That was going to be my question. Did they put it on top or the side? I think they had to dig it a little bit deeper if they're going to go on top. If it's a double. Because you have to be six foot under, right?

Do you have to be? Yeah, you do. It's preferred. Right. Harder. So you don't bubble for the zombies. It doesn't matter. To get out.

A bubble to the surface on a rainy day. So yeah, you don't want them floating up, which is very true if the ground gets too woodlogged into a container. Floating up. That's why you don't get buried in a systema. Unless you get the leak proof. They say they're leak proof now.

Oh, sometimes they'll leak in your bag if you've got a coleslaw in there. So granddad's been buried. Thomas has been down there for 17 years and sadly the family just lost Hilda. Leaking your bag if you've got a coleslaw in there. So granddad's been buried. Thomas has been down there for 17 years. And sadly, the family just lost Hilda. Although they had a great long life with her. So we shouldn't be sad.

Celebrating the life that she had. 17 years after her husband passed. They're like, we'll prep the hole. Yep. It's at that stage that they dig it up. And they see a name on the top of the coffin in a small engraved plaque that is not Thomas's. And it's not Thomas that's buried there. So now Hilda is sat in a fridge, I assume a fridge, for five weeks while they try to find Thomas.

They have so far, at time of the story, they dug up six different graves looking for his name on a coffin. You sure they didn't put the wrong plaque? They didn't say. Open the box. But you'd need some kind of IRA. And also, who's this guy? Yeah.

And is this just a multitude of, is it like when you steal your neighbour's recycling bin when yours gets stolen and then they steal someone's and they steal someone's and it's a chain reaction and everybody in this graveyard is buried in the wrong holes? This sounds like something I would do if I worked at a graveyard and it was Friday afternoon at 4.30 and just chuck it in, cover it up and go to the pub.

You watch it go down most of the time. Yeah, true. If it's a full body being buried, you watch it go down. So this family's been visiting for 17 years. That's so funny. Who they thought was their dad. But the headstone said their dad. The headstone had Tom's deets on it.

Oh, no. Yeah. That's not where his spirit is. It's somewhere else. I mean, everyone's dead, aren't they? So it's just a... Yeah, they're dead. They're gone.

It's dead and gone. You're talking to a stuff. Yeah, you're talking to nothing. Yeah. Whatever makes you feel better. So no, so an update is they're still just looking for the right... Yeah. Yep.

Six different, they've excavated six different grave sites. Imagine getting the call from the council. Oh, don't freak out if you come to see your dad or your mom or your grandma and someone's dug it up. We're just checking which one's which. We've had a bit of a muddle. Making sure they're in the right one.

A muddle. A bit of a muddle. What if there was, what if there was, hear me out. What if there was like all the tombstones side by side, but there was an earthquake that shifted them underground to the side? To the left, to the left.

Everyone's just moved one spot to the left. I don't know if that's how it works. I don't know a lot about earthquakes. Things move sideways. So maybe underground, they've shunted a position. Six feet different would equal six feet. And not in the UK. They don't have those kind of tectonic forces.

I thought it was a good idea. A little wiggle and a shake. But on the back of a family going to the wrong grave site for 17 years, I was wondering if anybody would be willing to admit, well, they've been doing wrong for a long time. For a really long time. Yeah, something you've been doing the hard way. Maybe it works for you, but someone's like, oh, no,

you don't do it that way. There's a much quicker way of doing it. Or you've just literally been doing something awfully wrong. Like, I think I only realised five years ago or so, well into my adulthood, that I'd been spelling moment, moment. And I was like, I think I'm just going to keep this up. How would you spell moment m-o-m-m-e-n-t m-o-m-m-e-n-t oh yeah there's only one m but it feels like a word yeah right

has a double in the middle yeah or maybe for a long time you thought a word meant something else and you were using a word wrong for it like forever Yeah. Yeah. You were doing something wrong. Misusing it. Yep. Maybe you were always driving one way to somewhere and then you realised

there was a way. There was a far shorter way. Yeah. A far quicker way. But that's just your habit now so you just sort of

keep on rocking. Yeah. Alright well we want to take your calls 0800 DALES at Emerson number you can text this as well 9696

What have you been doing wrong for way too long? Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. We want to know what you've been doing wrong for a long time. Whether you've only just recently realised you've been doing it wrong this whole time. Or you realised

it a while ago and you just kept on doing it. Our family has been visiting the wrong grave for 16 years. Yeah, since Pop Pop passed. He's not buried there, it turns out. They're not like they've just found another guy with the same name and been visiting him. There's been a big, huge mistake.

Yeah. A huge kerfuffle. Some messages in. My dad spelt his own name wrong for 42 years. He is a Graham. So many ways to spell a Graham. He's a G-R-A-E-M-E. I've always preferred

an H-A-M. That's a Grimmie. A Graham. A Graham. But he has been spelling it G-R-E-A-M-E. For 42 years he spelled his own middle name wrong. But does he... G-R-E-A-M-E. Is that what his license says?

Or his passport? Or is he spelling it wrong? Has he never noticed the difference? Maybe he's never noticed the difference. Maybe he just hasn't laid his eyes properly on an official document. It's like a Michael. It's wild. M-I-C-H-A-E-L, M-I-C-H-E-A-L.

Oh, yeah. God damn it. Pick a side, Michaels. Let's go to Anonymous. Anonymous, this is your wife that's been doing something wrong for a while. Yeah, that's why I'm staying anonymous. Anonymous. Anonymous.

Okay, all right. Well, we've put a voice filter on you as well, so she'll never know it's you. Oh, sounds good. Sounds good. Yeah. So my wife, lovely, innocent, I've corrupted her much since we've been married.

Yeah, I bet. But for a very long time through her teenage years, she thought that foreplay was a foursome. Oh, so right. So whenever anyone talked about foreplay, was a foursome. Oh! Right. So whenever anyone talked about foreplay, she was like, oh, I didn't realise they're into that kind of, you know. Right, so she'd hang out with the girls,

having a couple of wines, they'd be like, I just wish you had more time for foreplay. And she'd be like, oh my gosh. I wish you knew about the importance of foreplay. Oh, no. And whenever anyone spoke about the importance of foreplay, she was like, really?

Is it that common? Wow. And then the moment finally dawned on her? Or did you have to explain? Yeah, right. Okay. As in before. And then she was like, oh, it makes a lot more sense. It was actually the Flood of the Concord song, Business Time,

that she clicked. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Wow. That's my foreplay. It's brushing the teeth. It's all part of it. Yes.

Amazing. Anonymous, thank you for sharing. And, of course, if you're listening on the way to school, kids, foreplay is golf. Yeah. It's a golf thing. You know how people yell out, out four when the ball's coming. She thought that it was playing golf

with four people. Silly girl. Yeah, silly girl. Anonymous, another anonymous joins us. Good morning. What have you been doing wrong this whole time? I legitimately thought when someone sneezed that people said bless you like one word put together.

Bless you. Yeah, bless you, like one word put together. Bless you. Yeah, bless you. I didn't realise until I was in my 30s that it was actually two separate words. You thought it was bless you. Like bless you. Bless you. Bless you. How would you have spelt this special sneezing word?

Like, I don't know, B-L-E-S-H-U. Bless you. Bless you. Bless you. There's another really common word that people say, a common term that people say, oh, damn, I won't be able to think of it. Is it spit and image?

No. You're the splitting image, but it's spit and image. Oh, yeah, there's lots of kind of phrases like that. Things like that where you're like, no, that's actually one word or that's two words. Anonymous, thank you. Some more messages in. I was doing OXO cubes wrong.

How do you do OXO cubes wrong? Do you just eat them whole? Like nibble them? Like a snack? Well, this person, I didn't know this was what's meant to happen. I don't use OXO cubes, but I didn't know this is what you do.

You don't take OXO cubes out of the silver casing. You smash them when they're in the packet. You smash them in that silver casing. What? Then you open it and it's already... No, you open it and you crumble it with your hand. Yeah, I crumble it with my fingers.

No, you crumble it in the finger and then it doesn't go everywhere. But surely you get little bits of tinfoil in your soup or your casserole. No, not if you... Because it's meant to hold together. They're saying. Fascinating. I'm going to try it's meant to hold together. They're saying. Fascinating. I'm going to try it the next time I oxo it up.

I think there'll be a lot of people listening now that open up and split the oxo cube with their things, their fingies. I was thinking of intensive purposes.

All intensive purposes. All intense and purposes. Intense and purposes. Intensive purposes. Someone said, my boss has been celebrating his birthday for years on a certain date, then got a new passport, noticed a different date,

so he had to go into the records, get his birth certificate. He's been celebrating it on the wrong day for 61 years. How do you do that wrong? That's a parent mistake. Yeah, that's a parent mistake. It's been passed on. I always spelt cheese wrong. I put two S's, so it was C-H-E-E-S-S-E.

Chessie. Chessie. This has brought to my attention when a co-worker and I were arguing about it and they slammed a 1kg block down in front of me and said, that is how it's spelt. C-H-E-E-S-E. Wow. Hard to argue with a packet of cheese about how to spell cheese.

It's right there in front of you, isn't it? Yeah. Right there. I still probably in that moment would have asked for a second block of cheese just to really confirm that. Same. Be like, show me another one. A different brand of TSC.

My friend thought the phrase living vicariously was living by curiously. So when I was going on an overseas trip, she said, well, I can't go, but I'll be living by curiously through you. And they were like, spell that for me. And she spelled out by curious. So whenever she thought somebody said that they were by curious, they were a person that beg your pardon, spell that for me. And she spelled out vicarious. So whenever she thought somebody said that they were vicarious, they were a person

that was living vicariously through other people. Oh, wow. I mean, that would also be a great. Yeah, if someone is living vicariously, you might want to live

vicariously through them. Yeah. If you're not living vicariously. My workmate had no idea about keyboard shortcuts for things on the computer. Literally, control C,

control V, control X, control P. Comp and paste Control-V, Control-X, Control-P. Copy and paste. Control-C, Control-V. You don't know. Control-Alt-Delete. He's 23 and he's got a master's degree and he said he's just never, ever, never, ever come across them. So he'd do everything manually.

Can you imagine all those assignments? Yeah, I know. Like that would have, I mean, copy and paste them from Wikipedia and then just changing a few words. That was that. Yeah. And then citing some kind of really intelligent website. Anonymous joins us.

No one's willing to admit names here, are they? Anonymous. Embarrassed. What have you only just learned? What have you been doing wrong this whole time? Oh, so I've been spelling my birth month wrong for my whole life. I was born in 1989 in February. Oh, yeah, me too.

February. February. It's like library. There's an extra R. Yeah, and I was like this as well for a while. How are you spelling it? So I've been spelling it February instead of February and it wasn't until I actually went back to school. Haha, funny, can't spell. Went back to school last Ha ha, funny, can't spell. Yeah. Went back to school last year. And then this year, I had an assignment due in February. And I was writing it in and the spell check kept coming up. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. And I was like, why? Why? And then, yeah, so 33 and I've been spelling my birth month wrong my whole life. And that's your birth month. But it is hard because you don't say February. February. No, you don't say February. February. No, you don't.

February. Yeah. Is it just because we're Kiwis and we're like lazy with our bowels? No, but even, I don't think posh people would say February. February. February. I'm off to the library in February. Have you seen the library this time of February?

Thank you for your call. Some messages to finish up. I was saying licorice, licorice because I thought, well it's written like that. It is, licorice. And I thought it was rice that had been dyed and mullied up and then dried out and that's why it was

so chewy. Yeah, like hard black sushi. Yeah. I only just learnt, I'm 47, I just learnt this year that I've been calling it Hand gliding Like you see a hand glider Not a hanger What are you holding on with

Your hands I'm just saying Well yeah technically you're in a cocoon You're staring with your hands You're gliding That's just me trying to defend the fact that I only learned that in my 30s. Did somebody just learn that? Yeah.

That's what I'm reading out. I was like, hand gliding because you're holding on with your hands. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. It's another train fact of the day today. I love trains. Chugga-chugga-chug.

I'm fascinated by trains. I was very upset when in Queenstown I drove into Kingston to see if the Kingston Fly was there and I couldn't see it. And then I got excited because I thought maybe it's out. And you'll see it. On its line. And I was excited about seeing it

chug, chug, chugging along. Yeah. Alas, I did not see it. I was a little upset. I love, love emotives. Just Google a picture. Yeah, watch a video on YouTube. Yeah, watch a video.

Shade comes into the room. I'm watching virtual reality. She Google a picture. Yeah, watch a video on YouTube. Yeah, watch a video. Sade comes into the room. I'm watching virtual reality. She's like, are you watching porn? I'm like, no, I'm watching steam locomotives. Because I didn't get to see one in person. So I'm virtual reality-ing one now. Not the case, though. About today's fact of the day is, did you know trains have sandboxes on board?

Sandboxes? What, to make a little sandcastle? No. Put out fires? No. Hmm. Trains. You remember when we found out

that how steam locomotives get enough water is they literally have a trough beside it and they put out a pipe and they hit it with so much force it forces water up and into their tank and they can keep going. Wasn't that magnificent? Well, I remember that fact of the day.

That was a good fact. This is another one they can keep going. Wasn't that magnificent? Well, I remember that fact of the day. It was a good fact. This is another one that keeps it going. A sandbox is a container on most locomotives, multiple units or trams that hold sand that gets dropped on the rail in front of the driving wheels in wet and slippery conditions to improve grip. I was going to say, like adding a bit of grit and grip. Yeah.

Grab. And the original ones were just gravity fed. Yeah. And the sand had to keep, you know how clumpy sand gets if it gets moist. Oh, God. So the sand was kept very dry from the heat from the burning of the coal. And then it would flow freely. They'd pull a little lever and it would flow freely onto the tracks and create extra grip.

But now they've got air poweredpowered ones, so they go, and it just shoots a bit of sand under the wheel. How often? The whole time? Well, just whenever there's wet or slippery conditions, when there's a little bit of slip. Right, or there's a bit of a gradient, because I'm imagining that would be why, right? Just to get up a hill.

Grab on. Chuck it on and it gives it a little bit of extra grip. And used for braking as well. Oh, yeah. If they need a brake in a hurry, it'll chuck a bit of sand on there to provide a bit of extra grip, and used for braking as well. Oh, yeah. If they need a brake in a hurry, it'll chuck a bit of sand on there to provide a bit of extra grip. But there is, if you're going under 25 kilometres an hour

and you spray a little bit of sand when you're trying to slow down, it can actually get between the wheel and cause less grip. Okay. So it's not always the perfect answer. How will you know? You're an expert train driver. Yeah, right. I don't know.

There's different rules for different countries. That's what I've learnt so far about squirting the sand on to slow down. Okay. Yeah. So today's fact of the day, next time you're at a little level crossing there, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. But surely the trains these days don't need them.

No, they do. They still have them. Really? Really? Yep. Still used. Even though they're electric? On the driving wheels.

Yeah, because they can still, I mean, maybe not like the trains we see around Auckland or major cities because there's not a lot of incline. They kind of stick to the flat bits, don't they? Yeah. But if they've got a hill to climb, they'll have a little sandbox on board. Interesting. Yeah. But if they've got a hill to climb, they'll have a little sandbox on board. Interesting. Yeah. So today's fact of the day is

trains have a little box of sand on board. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Everyone's on TikTok, including... Dude, I made a TikTok at the weekend. I just wanted to use its narrating function. This was me to my eight-year-old. Hey, August, you got five minutes? Yeah, yeah, what for? Got a couple of questions about TikTok. All right, what do you want to know?

And it was that moment, you know, when your parents asked you... Like how to set up a Facebook? Yeah, or like how do we program the VCR to record? That was a 90s classic. Yeah. I had that moment. You did? Tell you what, it was handled quite gracefully by the eight-year-old

who totally could have laughed at me about it. But then I said, oh, what do you think of that? And I showed her the TikTok and she's like, it's not for me. Oh. Unfollow. Unfollow dad. It's not for me. Well, prisoners in Auckland, some of Auckland's prisons,

have been on prison talk. So they're just sharing TikToks from prison. How do you get a smartphone into prison? I can see how you might get an old Nokia from the 2000s into prison. Well, looking at the footage, I'm going to say at best it's an iPhone 3. At a stretch to just... At a stretch. You would need a stretch to get an iPhone 3 in there.

So this is the TikTok that caused the problem. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, we're live, we're live. And this is Down the Landing. We're shadowboxing Down the Landing. What's happening around us? This is Down the Landing. We're on camera right now, so we're trying not to get busted. The favourite part of that was that noise.

Can you play that again? When he goes... Oh, no? Have I asked him that? Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. We're live, we're live. And this is down the landing. We're shadowboxing down the landing.

No. Shadowboxing down the landing. So because it's in New Zealand, the landing. Shadow box and kill the right person. So because it's in New Zealand, everyone in New Zealand was sharing this and going like, oh my god, prisoners and I can't remember what prison it was, have been sharing TikTok and then now they're trying to

crack down on it. They're searching staff, searching everyone, searching the things to find these phones. But phones have been in prisons for years. Yeah. That's what they say. But how do they get in? You go to great lengths.

They can be concealed on a person's body, in a person's body. Maybe someone comes into the prison and is able to, like, slip it to them. What about chucking it over their wall? They said throwing over perimeter fencing. Yeah. Just biff it. God, you'd have to practice, though, with a dummy iPhone, wouldn't you? Yeah, you don't want to crack the new iPhone, like, 13 or something over there.

Shatter the lens. You'd put it in a... That would be a great, you know, at school, where they were like, we're going to drop an egg off the roof, whoever can build the thing that's going to stop it from cracking. Maybe they'd put their heads into that. You could try to slingshot it in or drone it in. Jarid has asked a good question.

Jarid, what do you want to know? How do they get the internet password to post these TikToks? Oh, yeah, that's a good call. Prison Wi-Fi. Yeah. Prison 2022. Sometimes you can't even get the bloody cafe Wi-Fi. I tried to get a restaurant Wi-Fi the other day.

They said, no, that's just for the staff. Yeah, no, no, you can't do it. I was like, what? Is there a prison guest network? Yeah, yeah. Prison guest. There's prison guest, prison inmate, prison staff. They've probably got 5G in there.

Rip my knicks. I can't even get bloody 4G at my house. Most of the time I'm rocking it. The phone calls drop off because it's falling out of 4G into 3G. And some dude in prison's got 5G. So what you're saying is that you should break the law and go to prison for better phone reception. Is that what you're saying?

At least your videos won't be buffering. Yeah. Probably get a good game of Dungeons and Dragons started. Do they need the lawns done? Your fitness routine. Pretty bad bloody holiday. Three squares a day. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Well, the average American eats food off the floor about four times a month. Okay, I don't think we should hold Americans as the litmus test on eating anything, let alone food, let alone off the floor. Now, how often would you drop something on the kitchen floor while you're preparing dinner or making food and you just pick it up? It's circumstantial. Like, often if I'm, like, chopping veggies

that are going to get cooked, they'll fly everywhere. They're going to get cooked. They're going to get cooked, so you pick them up off the floor, blow off. Meat? Give them a rinse and put it in the stir fry?

I don't know about meat. Meat's so sticky. But what if a sausage falls and it's going back in the pan or back on the barbecue? It's going to burn off anything bad. Sealed. It's got a ceiling. No, but even if, like, say I dropped a cube of chicken

that I was stir-frying on the floor. I'd put it in the bin. No, I'd wash it under the tap. Hey, you don't rinse your chicken. You're going to cook it. You're rinse-rinsing your chicken? That's whack, man. No. What are you doing rinsing your chicken? That's whack, man.

What are you doing rinsing your chicken? If you rinse it with slightly too warm of water, it would get that white thing when it started to cook itself. I'm saying before you cook it. No, no, I know. You guys are wasteful. 44% of people follow the five-second rule. So if it's any longer than five, they'll throw out the food.

52% agree that there are some places they would extend the rule to 10 seconds. In your own home, it's fine. 63% said if it's in your own home, it's fine. At a restaurant, 55% of people. Or at a hospital or medical facility. What? Yuck. That's got covered in diseases. Yeah, because they do clean. It always smells clean,

but sometimes I think that's just walking around. Yeah. Look at a bit of detail. The places, if somebody dropped food on the floor, the places that they would never considering eating food off the floor

are bathrooms, public streets, sidewalks, or airports. Yeah, airports are gross, man. Yeah. I'm glad people have got some decorum. Yeah. But I mean, hospitals are full of bugs. I mean, I know

they can be sterile, but yuck. I don't drop a lot of food. Toast. I always drop toast on the floor and you pray that it's the side up. Sticky side up. Yeah. I just pick it up. You drop it after you butter it. Yeah, you know, like you've got to pick it up maybe and you go, whoa!

Comically like, whoa. Do it as it flips in the air and you're like, which way? I'm always dropping my toast, man. I drop it in the car a lot if I eat toast in the car. Also, so in my car now, as of last week, what was I eating? Oh, we were talking about this last night with my friends. I eat a lot when I drive. Yeah.

And I was eating banana and peanut butter on toast and a slice of the banana slipped off and went down the side of my car. So that's there forever, outside of my seat. And then the other day I was eating with chopsticks some sushi and I picked it up while I was driving. While driving? And the whole guts of it fell out and there was a bit of chicken and it went in the

drink holder and I was like, oh no. And I tried to get it with the chopstick and it pushed it like into the car. Like into the belly of the car. Under the console. That's there forever now too. So there's a bit of chicken and a slice of banana just festering away. So the car isn't

mentioned in the study at all. Oh no, you don't eat that. Yeah, because gross. Unless it's toast. I don't know why toast, I'm like, it doesn't pick up that much. Even though it's got a wet, glue-like substance on top. If you liked today's podcast, tell your friends you could send them the link. And if you don't have any friends, just pretend you did.

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