ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 25th March 2022

Episode Date: March 24, 2022

Lego Vacuum  Top 6: Gifs  Silly Little Poll!  Final Rankings: Tomato Sauce!  Hayleys Version!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. The Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Try their refreshing McCafe iced coffee, available now at Macca's. I'm full of energy. Like, I am like, ooh, I'm skittery and jittery

because I'm about to go and launch a surprise. And I haven't talked about this on air. A surprise attack. A surprise attack. I'm launching a surprise attack. Okay. Fallujah. I haven't been able to talk about this on air because I didn't want any spoilers.

But I did mention that my father was retiring. And today is the party. And the surprise is that I have flown my brother and his partner over from Melbourne to surprise my dad who hasn't seen him in close to three years. Wow. I know. And we're going after this. After this we're going to brunch. And I don't know.

I don't have anything fancy organized. It's going to be like me and Aaron turn up to have brunch with my mum and dad before his retirement. And then like two minutes after we arrive, I'll get my brother and his partner Nina to arrive. Is that enough? Or do I need to do something spicy like he pretends to be the waiter? Ah! Oh, yeah.

You know? Take your order. It may be too late, but what about a flash mob, and they're leading the flash mob? This is happening in hour 15. That's plenty of time for rehearsals. You reckon? 3, 4, and... Dad, I missed you.

My brother is a musician. Yeah. Get him to whip up a quick song. Oh no, no, no. Dress him. Dress him in a disguise playing the guitar and you all walk past and you're like, we should give that guy some money and then your dad's like, oh, fucking get away me yeah yeah i feel now with these great ideas that i've i've i've i was so just sort

of obsessed with like oh my god this is gonna be the surprise we'll get him over and it'll be great and now i'm like i feel like he'll walk in my dad will be like oh yay but you know he won't be surely but you saw your brother last night for the first time in how long? Well, actually, I did manage last year to sneak over very quickly to Melbourne. Oh, yeah, okay. For a weekend. So I stayed a night with them just before they went back into lockdown. Maybe August or something like that. Yeah, July, August.

How long has he been away from New Zealand? Like two years? Three? Yeah, close to three because they were due a trip. And how did he feel being back um he was super stoked like he's i think he's just we were both kind of anxious family but we were both kind of like because it's about today is there it's about today and surprising my dad is there a possibility your dad never wanted to see your brother again that's's why he made no effort to get to Australia. I never thought of this.

He's like, actually, what if something's gone down? No, they're very close. They're very close. Do you think your dad's going to cry? Will Craig shed a tear? I reckon he'll just like, yeah, I reckon he will. My dad's a real happy, like smiley guy. So I just feel like he'll just be. Will he be like, you buggers?

Oh, Sambo. We call him Sambo Oh I'm so excited I genuinely am so excited About this But it's like I've just had such a busy brain All morning

Thinking about like How it's going to work And how we're going to do it And like Aaron I'm like you're going to drive in And then you're going to park Around the corner And then you're going to come in

And then I'll meet you there And now I'm like Should have done a flash mob But should have done a disguise Yeah yeah yeah You know What if I yeah you know if um i don't know if it's gonna be a youtube worthy or a tiktok worthy reunion what about a kidnapping you kidnap your dad chuck him in the boot of the car drive him around quite fast and then when he

opens the boot takes off the blindfold it's your brother that kidnapped him no my poor dad opens the boot your dad's just like had a heart attack. He won't press charges. He won't. Or he might. Just to teach them a lesson. Well, I look forward to updating everyone about how the surprise goes down. Are you filming it? Yeah, I'm going to film it. That'll be a giveaway.

No, he's not observant to stuff like that. That's not his vibe, but my mum is the worst. she'll just be so she was on the phone to me yesterday and he was in the room with her and she kept saying oh well me and dad are looking forward to having brunch with you and aaron and i was like she would never speak like that yeah very specific and i was like yeah it'll be good yeah oh so when what time are you and aaron arriving for brunch with me and Dad? Oh, she's giving it away. I know. And then last night I sent her a photo of me and Sam, my brother, playing pool.

And she just, you know, is so excited and wants to be there. And she was like, I've had a few wines. I feel like I might tell him. Patsy! No, no, no, no, no. So she's going to be a skittery mess this morning. Or you can update us all on Monday. Oh, yes, I will.

Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Happy Friday. Two minutes past six. I may sound a little bit different today. I've got a swollen tongue. You do sound a little bit fat-tonguey.

I'm just trying to avoid it because yesterday, I don't know what happened, but I just ate my lunch and then my tongue started to swell a little bit. Not enough for me to be like, uh-oh. Right. Do you have allergies to something? I've got allergies to everything. Oh, okay, right. But I don't know what it is because I can't be bothered putting in the work to figure it out.

So was it a rogue relish on a have you been paying attention catering sandwich? Yes, because I did. I got a have you been paying attention catering sandwich. And then instantly my tongue was upset. And then I kept, obviously for the whole show, basically, I'm talking nonstop. She won't shut up. Yeah. And I keep biting down on it the whole time.

So now I've got my bonjella here. Thank God I found that. Like a baby teething. 4 a.m. this morning. Teething baby. Well, what was on the sandwich? Pardon? What was on the sandwich?

Was it chicken, lettuce, mayo? A sprout. Those. Sprouts. Because I got the. Are you allergic to sprouts? I don't know. Probably.

It feels like it. I don't know. Probably. It feels like it. It sounds like you've just got braces or. Yeah, it does. Yeah. You should have heard it yesterday when I had my retainer at the dinner to bed. or... Yeah, it does. Yeah. You should have heard it yesterday

when I had my retainer at the end of it to bed. Don't worry, it's not that bad. But when I had it, I couldn't move around my retainer, so I was trying to talk like this. Guys, big show today. Heavy show. I just accidentally brought my phone

and dialed someone at six o'clock in the morning. What sort of monster am I? Who did you dial? Liz, she's going to be pissed. Oh, Liz will be pissed. She's going to be pissed. Liz is going to be on a warpath. She'll be thinking it's a...

I'm so sorry. She's going to think there's an emergency or something. Yeah, I know. She's going to be like, what's wrong? An important emergency. Yeah, she'd be one of those people that sleeps with her phone on loud. Oh, yeah, she's like Ari Gold of Entourage. Yeah, she is. It of those people that sleeps with her phone on loud. She's like Ari Gold of Entourage. Yeah, she is.

It's a big show today. Our Ed Sheeran Ticket Blitz starts at 8 o'clock, so from 8 until 5 every hour on ZM Today. Not only do we have secret sound, thanks, Neon, but a chance to win a double pass to see him, either it is Wellington, Sky Stadium or Auckland Eden Park Show. So you've got to be listening out for the Activator, the first one after 8 o'clock this morning.

Another chance for you to win some cash with Angel Bay. We've got our giant burger patty winning wheel in studio. So you have a chance to spin that. Before 7 o'clock this morning, yesterday we gave away, what, $470? Yeah. On the wheel? Oh, yeah. Or as you say, Hayley, $470. We're not scared to do it again away, what, $470? Yeah. On the wheel? Oh, yeah. Or as you'd say, Hayley, $470.

We're not scared to do it again. We're not, no. We gave away $470. It was so good. Jeez. Coming up on the show. Tongue swell, a bit of bloody. I'm going to say I'm a little bit nervous.

We're doing Hayley's version today, and I've written an absolute lyrical maze in there. Yeah, isn't it about booze, though? It is about booze. It could just sound like I'm slurring. Yeah. All right, this is coming up on the show today. The top six.

So on a sad day yesterday, COVID claimed another victim. The inventor of the jiff. Oh, it's such a good cleaning agent. No. If you get into the corners of your shower, the grit just absolutely just blitz, obliterates the dirt. The moving graphic.

Oh, GIFs. No, GIFs. He said. He's the one that came out a few years ago and said it. Guys, it's GIF. I've said this once and I'll say it again. He was wrong. The creator of GIFs was wrong about what they were called.

He was wrong about what they were called. Well, Stephen's dead now, so I guess it's easier to argue. Yeah, it is. We won't be talking back. He died of COVID. Oh, jeez. Yeah, I know. I can't find whether or not what his thoughts on vaccines were. I'm sure they were. He was only like 50-something. No, he was 74. Oh, was he 74? Okay.

Which means he was born in 50-something. Oh, he had a good run. He had a great run. So I've got the top six GIFs we've got to thank him for. It's a very, very touching story. A beautiful story of strangers coming together

for a joint cause. I love this little smooth jam playing underneath. Love a little smoothy outro. Yeah. A really beautiful moment. So there was a guy who should upload this

to TikTok and it's gone, it's blown up on the internet because it's such a beautiful waste of time. Is it? It's so cute.

It's my worst nightmare on a flight. A grinch. So a man was sitting on a flight and he was sitting next to another guy who was travelling from... Are we turning that down?

It's fine. It's good fun. He was travelling from Albania to Dubai. And he was sitting next to a guy who's little four year old I think he was about four years old was having an absolute mare on the flight and he got very very upset and he

started crying non-stop Is this where it becomes your worst nightmare Fletch? Well this is a non-spawn endorsement for the Sony noise cancelling headphones that I have. I forget the serial number, but oh, my God. I can tell you, I got them too.

It's in my Bluetooth. Hold on, let me have a little look. Yeah, oh, my God. Because I used to have the Bose ones, and I thought they were the bee's knees. Oh, you needed my Bose. And I had the Sony ones. I was like, these Sony ones are actually pretty good.

Me and the Bose. The Bose. Bose the line. No, these ones are got to be better. They're Bose. Bose are live. No, these ones are. No, see, they're amazing. And often like five-star reviews in like sound magazines and online stuff. The Sony WH-1000XM3. They'll get rid of babies on planes.

They'll get rid of people cackling. They'll get rid of old ladies next to you asking how to use the screen. Everything. It's so good. You need to open yourself up to the world. You could have been part of this beautiful moment on this flight. So this young boy was crying absolutely nonstop. The father could not console the young boy.

And a few people nearby, you know, were sort of reaching over and trying to go, oh, it's okay, little one. Bella, calm down. Were they? Yeah. They're giving them that look like, shut up. Shut your baby up. Well, any parent that travels with a kid knows that that's not quite how it works.

Vaughan, you'll know this. You would have travelled with young, young kids on planes, and once they're upset, it's hard to calm them down. I was, yeah. Well, having travelled and seen how babies were before I had babies, it was like a bit of a, uh-oh, freaking out about it. But our girls have always been pretty good. Even once a sore ear on landing is probably the worst it's ever got.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little sore ear and then the pressure changes and they're a little bit grisly. Well, after not being able to console this young kid, a group nearby started singing a little song. See, it's my worst nightmare. So what happened was a small group of men started singing Baby Shark to calm the baby down, to calm this young boy down.

Then apparently the whole plane joined in. Except for Fletch, who's standing in the back with his Sony noise counsellor. I wouldn't have heard it. I wouldn't have heard it. I would have been deep into a shell on my phone. It is so cute. And then the dad's like standing in the aisle holding this young boy

and the young boy stops crying and the whole plane's Baby Shark, do-do-do-do-do-do, Baby Shark. It's so beautiful. Baby Shark united, regardless of country, regardless of beliefs, religion. Yeah, race, colour, creed.

Race, colour, creed. Race, colour, creed. But Fletch would have been there with his headphones on, completely grizzly. Also would have delayed the handing out of the biscuits and coffee. You would have been hungry, I guess. I would have been, yeah, hungry. Ironic that the only person whinging louder than the baby he despises whinging on a plane is you.

Exactly. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. whinging louder than the baby he despises whinging on a plane is you. Exactly. Rubbish truck outside yours. Is the rubbish truck outside yours? Oh, there's something with a beep. Yeah. I think it's one of those things that cleans the gutters. You know, the big vacuum cleaners. Do you guys really want to drive one of those?

Yes. Yeah. I think you'd find treasures. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. At the end of it, sift through it. Yeah, yeah.

Well, this invention I want to talk about involves vacuum. Oh, how many have you just seamlessly segued? That was honestly a bravo.

A bravo. I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you pesky kids. A bravo. A bravo. A guy called Matty, he runs

the YouTube channel Unnecessary Inventions. He may have stumbled across a brilliant invention that's going to make him a load of money. He has invented a Lego vacuum sorter. So how does this work? So he's 3D printed

like it's a clear perspex kind of like cylinder. It's got four levels. They've been 3D printed and each level has different size holes. So you plug your vacuum cleaner into the end of it and then you vacuum up your Legos and the big bits go right to the top or the small bits go right to the top and then the big bits. So they're all

sorted into different compartments by size. So it's not its own vacuum it's like something you would put onto your vacuum. Yeah, you just attach it to your vacuum. Wow. And then so if you're a parent and you're constantly picking up Lego

or you're just a big kid and you just leave your Lego on the floor, this is big kid and you just leave your Lego on the floor, this is ideal. You can't leave your Lego on the floor. There is no pain. Hell hath no fury. Like a surprise Lego piece. Like a Lego piece in the foot.

Yeah. So apparently this was, I've just Googled it to see what it looks like. Apparently this was on an episode of The American Office. Was it? Yeah. Was it? No, like not on it

but this guy hypothesised that it should exist. Oh, okay. They've got an exciting new idea for an invention. It's a vacuum cleaner that teaches kids

to clean up their own toys and sorts them as well and it's called The Suck It. Right. Yeah, but then this guy's made it a reality. He's also,

he does a whole lot of videos. He's got 1.25 million subscribers. He also invented Lego socks, which are just socks with like a rubber pad on them so you don't stand on Lego. So shoes. And a whole bunch of stuff. I believe they're called, it's quite an old invention to be fair.

Very, very old. Okay, tell me more about these. It's like a hard-based sort of foot cover that protects the bottom of your foot from a myriad of things, and Lego, I guess, being one of them. My concern would be if I'd been outside in these. Seuss?

Is that how it's pronounced? My friend, let me introduce you to the slipper. It's a shoe strictly for indoors. Okay. And does it like, why is it called a slipper? Because you slip it on when you get home. Genius. But some of them still have a hard base.

Because a sue, I assume you sue it on. You sue it on in the mornings. You slip on a slipper and you sue on a sue. And you get home and then you slip on a slipper. Right, gotcha. Very good. Just genius, absolutely. Are you an inventor?

From the self-driving ZM think tank, gotcha. Very good. Just genius. Absolutely. Are you an inventor? From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hi there. The inventor of the GIFs died. It was in 2013 that he told the New York Times the Oxford English Dictionary

accepts both pronunciations. They are wrong. It is a soft G, pronounced GIF, end of story. That was what he said. Well, because he invented it, it's what he says, right? It does stand for graphics interchange format,

which most people are like, well, graphics has a G. Has a hard G. A G. So should it be GIF? And he absolutely wouldn't hear about it. Might have been a stubbing old prick. Who knows? I think as well because we have such an association with GIF being a gritty,

cream-based cleaner. Yes. Yeah. A bloody good cleaner, might I say. I love this. What can't you fix with a bit of GIF? I also use that Parallel Imported HIF. You had some of that too, Vaughan.

That was SIF. That was CIF. Yeah. Oh, right. We use a bit of SP too. That was SIF. That was CIF. Yeah. We use a bit of SPF at home. Well, you've got SPF. What's SPF? Yeah. Well, it's a cream-based cleaner.

Right. Okay. SPF. Interesting. Very interesting. Gritty, cream-based cleaner. Right. It sounds like Jif need to be cracking down on these imposter.

These knock-offs. These rip-off cleaners. Creamy cleaners creamy cleaners um because how is the j said h in spanish it's h he he he but then and other places j's are wise yeah yes yes but the jiff i got was a c but but also imported from Spain. So kif or sif? So khef. Khef. Would it be khef? Oh, chif.

Chif. Sometimes Cs can be a ch. So it could be. Like cellos. That's just how they were. Chif. I see. It might be said jif, but they just change.

Grab the chif. Grab the chif. Either way, they're certainly encroaching on jif's creamy cleaners, aren't they? And we're talking about gifs. Yeah. Wait, what are we? GIFs. I'm on GIF, because that's what he wanted.

Did this make this guy money? Or was he just working for a company? I know he retired in the early 2000s. It's before the time of NFTs, isn't it? Yeah, they were the original NFTs. I still crank at least a GIF react a day. Oh, I love a GIF. Oh, they're easy way to GIFs.

Jared, producer Jared loves a GIF. I think he really loves a little GIF here and there. It says so much with just one picture. Okay, he was worth $93 million. Oh, he was right then. He had a patent royalty income of $3 million.

Oh, for GIFs. Well, I don't know if it was for that, but yeah, I'm doing some research. Well, it would be if he'd invented it, he'd have the patent for it because it had never been done before. Yeah. So I've got the top six GIFs we have to thank Stephen for. Number six on the list, the Michael Jackson eating popcorn GIF. But you've got to separate the man from the GIF.

You do. You know, like maybe you're not happy with the whole Michael Jackson situation, but if you separate the man from the GIF. You do. You know, like maybe you're not happy with the whole Michael Jackson situation, but if you separate the man from the GIF. It's the content of the GIF that is doing the mahi, not the star of the GIF. There's a pretty good Stephen Colbert eating popcorn GIF as well. Oh, that's a great one.

If you just say popcorn, you get a myriad of popcorn GIFs. So I will just interrupt to say my research quickly has found that he earned over $20 million from creating the GIF. And his net worth $93 million. So some savvy investing following that up as well by the looks. It was the first moving picture of the internet, wasn't it? Yes.

Because you had bitmaps back in the day. A very, very heavy format of picture. And easy to download when Vaughan Smith got home from high school on the family computer. Wow, I don't know what on that old Kewtay Rural dial-up, mate. That took a long time to download. Never mind loading a gif.

Woo! Number five on the list of the top six gifs we have to thank Stephen for. Elmo with his arms raised in front of fire. I call it hell-raising Elmo. It's when you're out for some chaos. I love that little, I love that little gif. It's so good.

Yeah, you've got it there. Yeah, I'm just looking them up as we go, so I can have a good chuckle. We should do, come on at the social media desk, don't give me that look. I haven't even told you my idea. The attitude.

The eyes that turned. What does he want now? She loves when you say, we should do a gallery. No, no, no. We should do an Instagram story set. Today's top six. The GIF creator has died.

Here are the top six GIFs because this is like, you know, this could totally work in stories, right? Yeah, okay. I actually kind of like that idea. Yeah. Take your eyes back. Take your eyes back. I won't.

She's so annoyed. Well, in that case, if you won't take your eyes back. Take your eyes back. I won't. She's so annoyed. Well, in that case, if you won't take your eyes back, I've got number four on the top six GIFs we have to thank Stephen for. Crying Dawson from Dawson's Creek. Oh, it's so good. That's a great GIF. He's just so upset. Or terrible at acting.

Number three on the list of the top six GIFs to thank Stephen for. Fletch, this is a big one for you. You know that one with Judge Judy tapping her wrist? Oh, so good. Yeah, but she's not wearing a watch. That's just you. Absolutely. You do it all the time.

You and Judge Judy are the two people I've seen tapping their wrists the most. Number two on the list of the top six GIFs we have to thank Stephen for. Homer disappearing backwards into a bush. Yes. Classic. Classic. Classic. And number one on the list of the top six GIFs we have to thank Stephen for,

and I feel like this one, it's an old one, but it's really come into its own in the last couple of years. The dog wearing a hat sitting in the room on fire saying, this is fine, this is fine. Which one's that? Dog? It's really summed up sort of political viral

wartime all of the things climate change it's used often in relation to climate change because the world's on fire around us and we're saying it's fine we're sitting relaxing saying this is fine this is fine

the room on fire yeah that's him that is today's check that out on our Instagram story. Should we check? When do you reckon that'll be on our Instagram story? The people are. Give her a breath.

You're asking a lot of people. Now, now, now. I'm not just asking a lot of you, really. Just asking me to do my job. Yeah, I know. What an inconvenience on a Friday. That is today's top six. Yesterday, I ordered a robot.

Well, it arrived. I ordered it a couple of days ago. A robot pet feeder. So, what for? What is this? What's wrong with you, man? What's wrong with you, man? What's wrong with your COVID brain? You can't bend down anymore to feed some bickies in the bowl?

My cat is so annoying. It's a hungus, Major Murray Fluffington. And when it gets to the weekends, I like to sleep in. And we get up, my alarm goes off at 4.30 during the weekdays. So that's when I feed my cat because I'm not going to be home for ages. So I goes off at 4.30 during the weekdays. So that's when I feed my cat. Because I'm not going to be home for ages. So I feed him at 4.30. And he knows when it gets to Saturday and Sunday

that he needs food. And I want to sleep until like 7 if I'm lucky. 6. And that is not acceptable for him. And he will meow. He'll stand on me. He'll claw my armpit. Which is poking out of the sheets. He put a little paw in just just to see if he'll wake me up they're so intelligent hey roly does this as

well like the the way he'll jump onto the bed to have a cuddle and go to sleep is totally different from the way he jumps onto the bed to ask for food like he. Like he knows to like thump heavily to wake us up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Walk on you. Yes, and walk all over you and be like. So this thing that I got, and it was only like $39. Absolutely unpaid spawn from the warehouse.

Oh, too funny, funny. It's got like six things in it. And you set it in like you can set it any time from like a minute to 24 hours and then the thing will turn. So if you did it every 12 hours, a new thing would turn. So I'm going to be able to set this before I go to bed and this little robot's going to be like

and then it'll open up and he can eat it and I can still be sleeping. You're sounding like a parent with a problem child, but you created the problem by feeding this cat at 4.30. The cat can wait till you get home. No, that's not going to happen. The cat waits for you.

What about Jurassic Parking, your cat? What does that mean? So, like, you've got, like, a cage full of mice, and as you leave, you just chuck the mouse into your lounge, and, like, then the cat has to work for it. Right. So then they lower the goat in, you know, to the chuck the mouse into your lounge. And then the cat has to work for it. Right. And then lower the goat in, you know, to the T-rings. This sounds like I'd come home to, like, an infestation of mice.

Well, how hungry is this cat? And I'd say to the cat, well, I'm not giving you biscuits. You're obviously not hungry enough to put in the work to catch this mouse. And then if you come home and the cat's still running around asking for food, you know that the mouse is just in the house and it didn't manage to get it. Yeah. So you don't feed the cat. still running around asking for food you know that the mouse is just in the house and it didn't manage to get it yeah so now so you don't feed the cat another you probably don't then you don't feed the cat because the mouse is still out there oh no no no no no we're gonna we're gonna make these animals a little bit more self-reliant we used to have one of those things in the 90s where like it was like you'd you'd feed it all up fill it all up and then the cat would

learn to like pop its paw in and it would yeah see my cat would keep eating until yeah that's gone and it would be like lunchtime and it'd be spew everywhere that's the thing that scoffs these biscuits and then spew a log of biscuits out up the hallway yes so nasty well I tried this out last night I sent you a video Hayley and I tell you what it works it works a treat. It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen, Fletch. I've got to tell you, it looks like it cost you $30. Super handy, though.

I mean, you don't, but if you were going to go away for the weekend, because, you know, your cat can just cruise around home. They're pretty low maintenance. If you go away for the weekend, you can't really leave your dog tied up. Although some lady messaged me and said, you want to be careful because their cat messed it up or the batteries ran out and then they went away for the weekend and it just cut out and it didn't turn.

Yeah, see, I don't know. And their cat went hungry. I wouldn't be putting money on this. You need some kind of high tech. If you're going to put your faith to feed your animal and keep it alive in a robot, I reckon you need to spring

a little bit more than 30 bucks, Fletch. Well, there are some that are like 180 and they've got a camera. Oh. See, that's a bit more, that's a bit more you.

They've got a camera and you can be, and they have a little speaker so you can be like, buzz, buzz, buzz, it's dinner time and then be like, chickies,

and then the biscuits fall out. I saw a story on the internet of the guy who had one of those and because it was motion activated, the camera, the cat, when it was hungry, would go and sit in front of the camera and like cover it and then uncover it and cover it and then uncover it. Just to get biscuits. Because he'd worked out that when he walked in front of this camera,

the biscuits, the owner would be like, oh, he wants biscuits, and open it up. So he's just like must have worked out that it was motion. So smart. Today's sillyilly Little Pole. After showering, do you dry yourself inside the shower or outside the shower? Why were we talking about this the other day? I can't remember.

It came up in conversation and we were saying, I was talking about, I can't remember. And then who was it who said you dry yourself inside the shower and you were like, no, you give yourself a little. You give yourself a squeegee when you're in the shower. A little what? I believe a listener suggested it as a poll. Oh, absolutely outrageous.

You give yourself a hand squeegee. So like you finish your shower, you turn off the water and then you use your hand, your finger or all the fingers, and you create the same shape as your arm, and you whip it down and whip the water off. Do it on the other arm. Yeah, front and back. Do it on the leg.

Yeah, stomach. So this is while you're in the shower. Yes, yes. But we mean do you dry yourself? Like, when do you bring the towel in and dry yourself? No, then exit onto the bath mat and dry yourself on bath mat. But the squeegeeing free is to get the most possible use out of the bath mat rather than standing on it soaking wet and immediately rendering it in need of drying.

You're wasting your time. You're so close to just having a towel to do that job for you. You're doing two jobs when you only need to do one. I'll wring out my hair because that's dripping everywhere. Yeah, right. But once you get out. You're not body squeegeeing. No, no.

Do me a favour this weekend. Give yourself a little body squeegeeing. No, no. Do me a favour this weekend. Give yourself a little body squeegee. I also love a body squeegee. My dad was the one that said, give yourself a body squeegee. He's a hairy individual. I'm a hairy individual. I wonder if the body hair holds a bit more water.

Well, maybe. Or he probably just was sick of you putting water everywhere. Oh, no, that was 100% the reason why he said, okay, this is what you do before you get out of the shower. You squidge yourself because you guys are just hopping out and the bath is dry. Drip your mess. Well, the people agree with me

that you dry yourself outside the shower. 80% of people. Wow. I don't take a towel into the shower. There's not enough room. I'm a big, you've got to get your arms out. You've got to get cha-cha-cha. Yeah, how are you going to?

Yeah, I've got a pretty big shower, but I just prefer to get out, because you've got to have the free arms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Freedom. And a big span to just, you know... Freedom of movement. If anybody's keeping time on that one, 55 minutes into the show before Fletch rubbed his wealth on everybody's face this morning.

I just have a shower. Single man, no kids. I'm lording around in my big tiled shower space. His bathroom. Bruce Wayne over there in the Wayne manor. In my shower room. Yeah, in my wet room where there's 18 shower heads. It's not, I mean, it's big, but it's not,

you couldn't get an arm. Well, and the tiny. It's too late to try to relate to the common man now. And the tiny leaking box that I'm in. Yeah. You certainly can't get dry in there. No, not in our tax bracket, Hayley, but old moneybags go over here. No, exactly.

This is not. Act party member, Carl Fletcher quoted as saying. Do not, do not say that. Quoted as saying, I can spread my arms as wide as possible and not touch the sides of my shower. No, I can. That's what I'm saying.

You would touch the sides. You've got to get out and be free. You've got to have room when you're drying. Yeah. It's a roomy experience. Although, do you think also coming into this would be winter and if people have a shower, say it's not too small, even if it is, you're still in that warmth in winter?

No, but it's moist. No, you've got to get out of the moist warmth. Okay. I just want to take us back to wealth shaming you because I will say you do have in your shower, don't you have Aesop or Antipodes? No, he's got the bottle. I've got the bottle.

But he fills it up with the cheap pink shit. Yeah, I do. Cheap shit. That public toilet shit. We've talked about this. You've got to at least fill up your Aesop bottle with something that slightly resembles Aesop. Like some kind of natural thing.

Yeah, palmolive. People don't know. When it comes out fluoro-orange, I tell you what, you know instantly that you've spent 90 cents on that. Yeah, what are you, a district health board? Yeah. Well, we had some messages in,

drying yourself off outside of the shower. Most people doing that. Sarah's livid. Why, why, why do people drip outside the shower? You drip all over the floor and make the bath mat wet and then you get cold. I open the door, grab a towel, dry myself inside the shower like You drip all over the floor and make the bath mat wet and then you get cold. I open the door, grab a towel,

dry myself inside the shower like a clever person. Sounds to me like Sarah needs to look into the body squeegee. Yeah, she does. Also, because when you've got the towel and you're moving it around, it all flops onto the wet tray

or tiled bottom of the shower. Yeah, totally. No, no, no. No, Sarah's very much about getting in there. Sarah must be a tiny wee thing. Sarah must be a sidekick. A half totally. No, no, no. No, Sarah's very much about getting in there. Sarah must be a tiny wee thing. Sarah must be a sidekick. A halfling. Mike said, too much moist air when you're in the shower.

You can never get dry properly. You've got to get out into the whole bathroom, not just the shower. That's a situation I'd like to raise with my gym chain, Anytime Fitness. Why? I've not been in a single one of your showers that has an extractor fan. No, they don't. They don't. And you just hop out and you're in a bloody steam of your showers that has an extractor fan. No, they don't. And you just hop out and you're in a bloody steam room after you shower. It's impossible to get dry.

I always crack the door and then they're like, Mr. Smith, you're naked. And I'm like, yeah, we'll get an extractor fan. Tell you what, come along to Les Mills. You've got a good extractor fan there. Oh, the fans, the blend, sucking it all out. Yeah, I'd say it's a suck out of matter of sins from what I hear about them. Not the ladies, Not the ladies.

Not the ladies' ones. Poppy's, well, she's obviously not attractive enough to get approached. Poppy, no offense. Poppy writes, what psychopaths are drying themselves in the shower? Accidentally smack the wall and it's game over with a wet towel. Yeah, good call. Couldn't agree more. Maddie writes, it's too cold outside of the shower. My partners always finish showering first.

Oh, they're saving water by showering together. I mean, in their profile picture, they are really snuggled up. Well, they must have a giant shower. Good for some. My partner finishes showering first, and then when he hands me the towel whilst I'm still in there. Oh, that's nice. That's romance.

That's love. Bailey says, too wet and muggy in the shower. You stay sticky, and it takes twice as long to get dry. Completely agree. Please see previous statements on Anytime Fitness bathrooms. Inside the shower in winter, outside in summer is Hannah's approach. You need to get one of those little heat lights. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, there you go. Turn one of those on. Forget you've got one. Then stand underneath it anytime. And you're like, well, I'm for some reason on fire. Coming down with a fever. Elizabeth says, to stop the shower mat and floor getting soaked, dry from face to ankles, then step,

one dry foot, step outside the shower, then dry the next foot. Always stand on the shower mat already pretty much dry. Dry from face to ankles. That's your entire body, I hate to say it. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Well, apparently,ughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Well, apparently

tis the season of the short king. The what? The short king. Over in America they're calling it short king spring because they're

heading into spring. Ben on the desk here has just said we should call it short him. Oh, in New Zealand call it short him. Call it short him New Zealand, call it short-em. Call it short-em.

Yeah. That's a good one. But short men are on the rise. Well, not literally. They are on the rise because they've got to get their leg up. But the level of attraction that people are feeling for short men is definitely on the rise. Why?

What are they putting this down to? Well, it's a cultural thing, I guess, at the moment, like a pop culture thing that, you know, like Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, like they kind of started it and then it went out of fashion for a bit. And now, of course, people are talking like Tom Holland and Zendaya. Because she's so much taller than him.

She towers above him and they rock it. She rocks a heel. Who's Sophie Turner and Nick Jonas? She'll rock a big old heel next to him. And I guess there's that old rhetoric of like the man in a heterosexual relationship has to be taller and bigger, the protector. Boring.

Boring old stereotypes. So they're saying now the popularity of the short king is way up. Oh, I can't say that. I can't say this thing. They're saying it has the same kind of magnetism, a confident short man, as big D energy. Big D energy. Big energy.

Yeah, right. You know when someone walks in a room with big D energy and you energy. Yeah, right. You know when someone walks in a room with big D energy and you're like, far out, I'm instantly attracted to that. If a short man walks into the room with the confidence of his stature, people are instantly magnetised by it. See, I've got small dick wiliness. You do have small dick wiliness. I don't have big dick energy. I've got small dick wiliness You do I don't have big dick energy

I've got small dick wiliness You walk into a room And people are like SDW Yeah yeah He's got a wiliness to him Yes Well they say that the short

I'm going to have to work What I'm saying is I work harder You do work hard Big D energy They expect They're just putting the energy out there The vibes And then

The recipient Of the D and the BDE will do the rest of the work, whereas I'm a wily little fella. I'm not afraid to put in the hard yards. Little D wiliness. Well, they say that the short king, the difference between being just a short man and being a short king,

is the short king celebrates his height, always wears it well. He's never envious of a six foot plus dude and he sure as hell doesn't add inches to his own measurements by wearing perhaps a clubbed shoe. A special orthopedic shoe. A platform number. A platform number.

They say for him, shortness is not a liability, but an advantage. It's crisply elegant and efficient. But there would be, there's someone for everyone, right? There would be women out there that love shorter men. Yes. Absolutely. And wouldn't date anyone taller than them. Yes.

What's that? A hobbit kink. A hobbit kink, perhaps. Do you think so? Maybe. Or, you know, I love a mountain man. You love a mountain man. I love to climb a man.

You know, I want him to be... Yeah, there would be people that would find your fiancé too tall. Maybe too big. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. What was that look for? Nothing.

Oh, yeah, I see what you're... Yeah. Do you know, someone did comment on my Instagram... He's not walking in with any wily energy, is he? No, he's not a wily little fella, yeah. I see what you're saying. Yeah. Do you know someone did comment on my Instagram? He's not walking in with any wily energy, is he? No, he's not a wily little fella. No, he is. Oh, he'll hate this. Someone did comment on my Instagram.

Oh, yeah, poor dude. Poor dude. They were talking about how well endowed he is on the radio. Poor fella. Poor fella going out there. Every time everyone sees that bloody Greg Grover from Novirad, now they're going to be like, no wonder that old girl wanted him to come in and show him the broadband.

Cut it out, you guys. Cut it out. Someone did comment on my Instagram, though. I had a photo of him and I, and someone said, thank you. Thank you, tall lady, for nabbing a tall man, because we're sick of seeing short little things nabbing these big mountain men. I got him. He's mine.

But, yes, of course, you know, everyone's got their thing, their type. You know, some people love a hairy man. Yeah. I mean, we're putting this towards men, but some people love a... Eyes? Yeah, yeah. Could be all about the eyes. Love a brown-eyed girl, you know?

I know guys like tall girls. Yeah, man. There's guys out there brown-eyed girl, you know? Tall, there's, I know guys like tall girls. Yeah, man. There's guys out there that really like her, you know. Are you looking at the Victoria's Secret models and being like, not for me. She's a bit leggy. She's a little bit leggy for me. Yeah, too much leg for me.

Yeah. So we wanted to ask you, what is your, we'll say, we'll call it unconventional type. And we don't mean that, you know, short men are not attractive, but there's the rhetoric, isn't there, around tall, dark and handsome or blonde, blue-eyed and petite. But what's your unconventional type? Maybe you love a woman with armpit hair.

Maybe that's what tickles you. Or cute little button noses. Maybe. Or cute little button noses. Maybe you love cute little button noses. Maybe you love massive noses. Maybe you love a huge honker. Yeah. A big honker. Oh, yeah, okay.

The nose. Gotcha, yeah. Get your mind out of the gutter. All right, well, 0800-DARLS-AT-M. Give us a call. You can text in as well, 9696. What is your unconventional type? We want to hear about it, and we want to praise them.

We want to raise them up. Absolutely. All right, give us a call. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Well, we're talking about what's your unconventional type. They're saying at the moment it's the rise of the short king. Very good on them.

The likes of Tom Holland. Little fellas. No, Vaughan, this is about praising them. This is why we've got Fatboy Slim praising them. Oh, did that sound condescending? We want you to call up and tell us what is your unconventional type, and we're going to absolutely praise it. Yeah, totally.

Praise it like we should. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't see a Fatboy Slim in the background. Let's start with Laura on the phone. Good morning, Laura. Good morning. Now tell us, what is your unconventional type? What do you love?

Well, there's a couple of things. So I like girls with short hair and boys with long hair. And I like both with the V at the front, you know, like when they're really like sporty and athletic.

The gutters. We're talking unconventional types here, Laurie. Everybody wants those gutters. Everybody wants those little like roadmap to the goodies, you know? Yeah, but I really like it in women and you don't really see that very much. Yeah, well, the woman's mid-area, I'll tell you what. It's always preparing to have a baby. Because it's ripped, right?

It's a low body fat, high muscle. Yeah. Leads to the gutters. Yeah, yeah. You love the gutter. You love the gutter. Okay, so short hair on girls, long hair on boys is your thing. Oh, absolutely.

Yeah. I'll talk about that one. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like the girls to look like boys and the boys to look like girls. I'm with you. I'm with you. This is me.

This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me.

This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me.

This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me.

This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me.

This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me. This is me you, this is me This is me Laura, thanks so much for your call Deb, tell us what's your unconventional type that you're just hot for, you're into I'm definitely all about the tall, I'm right there with you

But full Well, hello I'm right there with you but bald and I don't mean bald like they are losing their hair bald like shave bald shave head were you stoked when the likes of Bruce Willis or John Travolta

is the latest one who just embraced the bald and stopped trying to fight it maybe not so much John Travolta. I think he suits here, but Bruce Willis for sure. So who's your top three bald men then? You've got to give us your Stanley Turchi. Okay.

Classic. I always forget their names. The Rocks up there. Surely Jason Statham in The Rock, yeah. Statham. 100%. Yeah, you're like a... What's the guy from Transporter? Yeah, Jason Statham Surely Jason Statham in The Rock, yeah. 100%. Yeah, you're like a... What's the guy from Transporter?

Yeah, Jason Statham. Jason Statham, yeah. Deb, we're getting Deb all excited. I don't know if this is appropriate, Deb. We're absolutely... On your way to work, Deb? Where are you off to? 100% appropriate.

She's turned her car around. She's going back home. I'm going to be late. Traffic was atrocious. Oh, dear. Thanks so much for your call. Ella, what about you? What is your unconventional type? Oh, well, I've got to be a tradie.

Oh, yeah. What is it about the tradie, the boots? Oh, yeah, I guess so. No, it's the tan line, you know, that they get in summer from the top to the deep. Yeah, where the boots come up to. Yeah, and there's always that. Oh yeah I guess so No it's the tan line You know that they get In summer From the top to the Beads Yeah yeah Where the boots come up to

Yeah and there's always Yeah Yep yep Mine's the belt eh The belt The way with the The hammer hanging on it The suede belt hanging on it

Yeah yeah Big buckle Big buckle on those belts Hammer hanging on there Do you You renovate a house Just to get them round Yeah of course

Of course You ever go You ever go hang out At that part of Mitre 10 Mega where they drive their trailers in and load it up with bloody, well, not jib at the moment. I'm telling you there's a shortage. I don't do that.

Whatever, you perv. You're all parked up by those bags of concrete. Just laying all over some bloody ready-mix concrete. Oh, hello, ladies. Hello, ladies. Hello, gentlemen. This sounds like you need to stop at Mitre 10 on concrete. Oh, hello, ladies. Hello, ladies. Hello, gentlemen. This sounds like you need to stop at Mitre 10 on the way home, Vaughan.

Yeah, what's that fluoro top they wear, the polar fleece? You know, it's like half blue on the bottom, half fluoro on top. Oh, yeah, well, just like your high-vis safety gear. A little half-zip on the polar fleece. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, dare I speak on your behalf, Ella,

but you're probably more like the summer in the tradies where it's singlets, you know, guns out. Yeah, sun's out, guns out. Sun's out, guns out, big straw hat. Got to keep the dome protected. Some messages in. Thanks, you cool, Ella. Someone messaged in, I love a caveman.

Yeah, yeah, I've got me one of those. You've got a big Sasquatch picture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's something in the forehead and the nose. Hunt him in the forest. You ever set him free in that forest by your house and hunt him? It'll be hot. I should.

Get a tranq gun. Go to the Auckland supermarket. Tranquilise a gun, please. What's it for? It's sort of a sexual fantasy of mine. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to hunt my fiancé like the Sasquatch. I'm going to get him. I'm going to get him. I'm going to get him.

Some other messages. I love me a bogan boy with a filthy mullet. Somebody else said, I love a farmer boy with a filthy mullet. Oh, okay. I don't know what's going on. We're all hot. We're hot for the boys today. I love a hot geek.

An intelligent, good-looking man with glasses. My husband wears glasses for driving, and I tell him to wear them in the house. Don't have those bad words. Hello. Can you reset my printer? You can leave your glasses on. I'm partial to a ginger man. Yeah.

Tall ginger man. Absolutely my bag. Someone said, I'm an older, moldy woman. My type has always been a tall, blonde man. Have been with my husband for 10 years. He's short and dark. And then she sent that emoji, that shrug emoji. She loves tall and blonde and she went short and dark.

Yeah. Sometimes, you know, lovers can't control. Lovers blind. Lovers totally blind. I like men that have that little muscle line in their forearm when they fold their arms. Oh, there it is. You've got it.

You've got it. Oh, you have it. Fletch, give me a little arm fold. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There it is. Are you? Yeah, I like that. A few lines.

Oh, I see. Yeah, because it's kind of like I'm grumpy, but. Have I got it? I'm grumpy, but look. Almost. It's a bit weak. It's a bit weak. Flex?

Yeah, there it is. I can't see. There it is. Get it. Get it. Yeah, yeah. I can't see there it is get it get it yeah get it it's definitely weaker

than yours for sure I don't use my forearms as much as you do I like boys with big thighs those thick rugby thighs oh really someone messaged and they like them

we chuck a pair of short shorts and a pair of thick thighs I like it thick with two C's neck tattoos this is seriously turning into quite a horny segment. Neck tattoos.

It really has. Do you know when people with neck tattoos get turned on when they see the, you know when the police are like, this man's on the run, he's armed and dangerous, don't approach? They're like, absolutely. I will approach, don't tell me what to do. It's the final ranking. Today, today, tomato sauce.

Yes. This kicked off because Jared stumbled across Del Mane's tomato sauce when he was given aioli with his bowl of chips at a restaurant. He's like, can I get some tomato sauce? And this guy said, I'll break you out the good stuff. And then Jared simply had to know what brand it was. It was Del Mane, and now he's a Delmaine boy. But we all got thinking, can you just change alliances

like that? Without a paneled taste test? Because Jared, you switched from you switched to Delmaine from a classic Waddy's. From a classic Waddy's. You're a classic Waddy's man. I've often said Waddy's tomato sauce is not my favourite. Don't

like it. It's very acidic. Whereas Delmaine's got spice and sweetness for days. We've got Heinz tomato ketchup, which looks almost identical to Wadi's tomato sauce, perhaps a smidge lighter. Wadi's tomato sauce looks a smidge darker. Delmaine, however, is a completely different ballgame. You can see tomato seeds. You can see what it looks to be like.

Little bits of basil leaf. Little bits of herbs and spices throughout. Almost touching on a relish, isn't it? Yes, it is. It is dancing the line. It is dancing the line. And then recommended by Executive Intern Anya is Cully's Kitchen, original tomato sauce.

Now, do we have the Whitlocks? No, we don't. I was just going to say. We don't have Whitlocks. Why don't we have the Whitlocks? Well, we can't put them all up, you know, because we're the Whitlocks? We don't have Whitlocks Why don't we have the Whitlocks? Well we can't put them all up Because we'd be a stomp And I will say there's some real

Similarities between Delmaine and Whitlocks Okay Yeah they do have a A spicy chutney feel Yeah they do have a chutney They're dancing on a fine line of chutney And the team have absolutely just They've gone all out for this

We've got I've got a plate of McDonald's fries here, picked up very early by producer Jared. Thank you, Jared. But you're, you're, you don't, you're, you're. I'm an oven fry boy. You're an oven fry boy. I'm a big, thick oven fry boy.

I thought it was important to have, you know, options. Options. And try different things. So I dragged in a bag of oven fries. I've cooked those up at the oven at work. Not a drop of oil to be found in the kitchen here at work, so they are a tad dry. Very dry. But we're going to moisten them with some sauce. You're going chunky, I'm going

skinny. Yeah. Okay, Fletch, what are you doing? Well, I'm just, I'm obviously broadcasting from home. I don't have any chips. Oh, babe. It's too late, isn't it? Yeah, we should have sent you some chips. But my Friday rankings would be the Whitlocks.

Yeah. I love that. It's very close to a carny sauce. Oh, we love. Which is why we love the carny sauce. But yeah, I think for me, the classic would be down the bottom. The Waddy's. I'm having a little try of that.

Oh, I've never tasted this at Heinz right next to Wadis. You're right. Let me go. I'm going to prepare. This must be really gross for people who hate eating this. It does sound disgusting listening to the food in your mouth. I'm going to go Wadis. I know the sauce.

I've known it my whole life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, straight away follow with the Heinz. It's a different... I thought they would be almost identical, but they're wildly different. What is that up to? What's that doing? So Heinz.

See, we're a tomato sauce nation. We're not a ketchup country. No. Now I'm going to hit me with a Dalmain because. I'm going to hit the Dalmain next because that's number three. And even on here,

you can see I've picked up some herbs, some peppers, some spices. That's a good tea sauce. That's a good tea sauce. If you've got fussy like children. Oh my God, there's so much going on. Or like a mum that's a good tea sauce That's a good tea sauce If you've got fussy like children Or like a mum that's a bit worried about having too much flavour That might not be for her Which sauce is that?

That was a Delmaine tomato sauce Now the Cullies Which is maybe the newest On the tabla What was that? Zoom call? Is Very sweet Anna Tabla. Yep. Oh, bing bing bong. What was that? Zoom call. Is very sweet, Anna. Honestly.

Executive intern, and she's got a sweet tooth. I feel like you could make a pie out of that, like a sweet pie. Okay, maybe don't eat into the mic. Can you not handle the jandle? I can't handle the jandle. Yeah, right.

For me, that's a bit too sweet. Okay. Down mains where it's at for me. I kind of like the colours. I kind of like the Jandl. Yeah, right. For me, that's a bit too sweet. Okay. Down mains where it's at for me. I kind of like the colours. I kind of like the colours. Could I... I know this is throwing a spanner into the works, but a...

And I first saw this in South America. It's a mix of tomato sauce and mayonnaise. Oh, yeah, yum. It's called risotto sauce, like a pink sauce. Yeah. And it's delicious. That would be good. I haven't seen it as much here

the Dutch are a far more mayo with their fries nation aren't they mmm so then that mixes up the mayo with the fries and the tomato sauce with the fries

so if we had to settle on a ranking here what are you going Delmaine 1 I'm going Delmaine 1 Delmaine 1 I'm going Waddy's second yep

Kylie's third Kylie's third. Kylie's third. Heinz last. Heinz ketchup. Right. Like miles behind. It's weird. But ketchup is different to tomato sauce.

What if we had a Whitlocks in there? You'd put that up there. I think Whitlocks would be two. Two. I think we agree. Yeah, then we do agree. We do agree. We're going Dalmain.

You've got to get your hands on it. Dalmain, Whitlocks, Waddy's. Are you on Big Dalmain? She's on the Big Dalmain Dollars. I've got Big Dalmain Dollars. She's to get your hands on it. Dalmane, Whitlocks, Waddy's. Are you on Big Dalmane? She's on the Big Dalmane Dollars. I've got Big Dalmane Dough. She's on the Dalmane Dollars. The Dalmane Dough. Right, okay.

Dalmane, Whitlocks, Waddy's, Cully's, Heinz, Ketchup. A distant last. A distant last. Get out of the kitchen, I'll say. Get out of the kitchen. No, that was good. That was good. We agree.

Yeah. And you've had chips and fries for breakfast. And I'm going to keep having them too. It's a win-win. It's called a deconstructed hash brown. Thank you. It's a vegetable. Yeah.

I won't be made to feel guilty about it. No. Secret Sound, thanks to Neon, is coming up $50,000 to Jackpot. But next on the show, Hayley's version. We just had Friday rankings ranking tomato sauce, ketchup, some messages in. Are you eating? That's happened twice, Fletch. I need to call it out.

Say ketchup. Ketchup. What are you doing that for? Ketchup. Ketchup. Ketchup. Twice, organically, when we weren't judging you, you said ketchup.

That's how it's said. How do you say it? Ketchup. The way it's spelled. Ketchup. But it comes from catsup, right? Which is like a word for a tomato. What do you mean see?

It's not ketchup. I'm not on your side. This isn't an argument validating your point. We've had some messages in. Someone said, if it's not five litre catering sauce that they put on hot dogs at the fish and chip shop, I'm not interested. Yes, carny sauce.

Yeah, I think that's also carny sauce is speedway sauce from Nelson. Yes, yes, yes. Speedway sauce. I mean, it's anywhere where there's a caravan. A hot dog. That opens up on one side that tells you it does hot dogs, chips, burgers. No, but they always do a mini fried donut. Yes, yum.

They use the same deep frying stuff as they use them to do their chips. I think that's the secret to their deliciousness. So I'm going to say, what about Tui Mato sauce? That was from Tui, the beer brand, bought out tomato sauce. Is that with beer in it?

Yeah. Is that beer in it? It does, but it plays in the same realm as Dalmain Whitlocks. It's got a bit of spice. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No chunk. Not a lot of chunk.

No, it's not chunky, won't be. But a spice. Someone said, you've done yourself a disservice by not using Barker's tomato sauce. This is Barker's

of Geraldine. Oh, yes. Or is Dean Barker in the Barker clan branched out from Trackbanks? I don't know. I don't know about their sauce. They do a lovely Chino.

An absolutely stellar deal on two shirts for $150. All right, next on the show, Hayley's version. You'll be singing. What's your version this week? I'm doing a version of the Kid LaRoy and Justin Bieber's song Stay, which I've got to be honest, it's out of my range. So, you know, we'll just deal with that when it comes.

And you've got a swollen tongue from a food allergy. Let's just say it may not be my best. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Hayley's version. Hoo! Songs sung with different lines. Well, that's Hayley's version.

This week, you might have seen it, I saw it, and I want to say I wept when I read this article. It was in the NZ Herald. Of course, we know about inflation. It's coming for our petrol. It's coming for our vegetables, our groceries. Cost of living is absolutely outrageous, but I didn't anticipate that it would be coming for beer and wine.

Okay, so you're upset. Yeah, it's safe to say I'm a little bit upset. The word from DB Breweries is saying that Kiwis should brace to pay more for beer, wine and other alcoholic beverages by the end of summer, which honestly is a couple of weeks away. It's finished. This is obviously, well, it's on the rise then. This is, of course, it's the same as anything.

Rising costs of producing, alcohol, brewery costs, winery costs, transport, packaging, delivery, everything. I learned to make a pretty good toilet wine when I was in prison. Yeah? I'm more than happy to share my technique. What do you call it? Toilet wine. How did you get the yeast? Prison-wa.

No, it's called something. How did I get the yeast? Yeah. Smuggled it in. You didn't put yeast in wine? In toilet wine? No, but don't you have to start it fermenting somehow? Fermentation.

Oh, I take it back. Yeah, you do need something... Sugar. Something like that. Sugar is what you need. Right. So this has really hit me where it hurts. As you know, the last few years to get through this pandemic, I have been relying heavily on wine. So this week for Hayley's version,

I'm covering Stay by the Kid LAROI and Justin Bieber. Both very good singers. I fall a bit short here, but we'll see how we go. Now, do you want to point out to people that you did have an allergic reaction yesterday and your tongue is swollen? If you hear that I get a little bit tongue-tied, I did have an allergic reaction yesterday.

My tongue is swollen. I've been biting it all day. But we'll see how we go. So instead of stay, it's the opposite. Go away. This is Hayley's version. We thought it was bad when you couldn't buy a cauliflower. Thought it was worse when petrol prices rose up by the hour.

Thought things were tough when you couldn't buy yourself a house. Now it's much worse. Now it's much worse. Now it's much worse. Every day we hear of inflation and they say it's once in a generation with high prices sweeping the nation. And now guess what? The price of booze is going up. Oh, no, please God, no. Fine, I won't buy a home, just leave beer and wine alone.

Any day now, the cost of beer and wine is going up. I don't know what else I can put inside my drinking cup. How can I live without a Savvy Blanc from Melbourne? Please tell me no, say it ain't so. Maybe I'll have to start a brewery of my very own. Maybe I'll try to make some vodka from a potato. How does it work? I'll be honest, I don't really know, but I'll have to try if I can't buy. Please don't think that I'm having a sulk, but usually I buy my wine in bulk to save myself a few bucks

per bottle. But now it seems like that was futile. I can't afford it. I won't be able. If you up the price of Corbyn's white label. And if you raise the prices, I can't fund my habit of two bottles a day. Oh, no. I'm very upset. Please, God, no. Fine, I won't buy a home. Just leave beer and wine alone.

Please tell me why. Why does it have to be this way? Why must we pay even more for an IPA? Can't help but feel that Russia is somehow to blame Please go away, don't make me pay more What have you got against Pinot Noir or Pinot Gris? What is your beef with a South Island Riesling? Can't help but feel this is a direct attack on me Please go away, don't make me pay more.

That's Hayley's version. Yes! A lot of falsetto in there. A lot of falsetto for a Friday morning. And all with a swollen tongue. All with a swollen tongue. It could have been, the swollen tongue could have been the excessive amount of wine I was also drinking yesterday. But we'll get to the side. Load up before prices go up. It could have been, the swollen tongue could have been the excessive amount of wine I was also drinking yesterday.

But we'll leave that to the side. Load up before prices go up. But Hayley's turn this week for Friday Flashback. Yes. I had a few in mind, I'll say, and I wanted something really upbeat. But then Vaughan kind of pitched an idea a few days ago that I was like, I think that'd be really fun. It's very upbeat, but it's a great sing-along song. This is by a band who I don't know that we've heard of for a long time, but this may shock you.

They've had 10 studio albums, the last of which was released last year. Now, One Hit Wonders. They're playing on April 2nd. Really? Remember, I found it on their thing when I was looking up the song. They're playing on April 2nd. Really? Remember I found it on their thing when I was looking up the song. They're playing on April 2nd and thinking Germany or... Oh no, Barcelona. Barcelona.

And of course the band that I'm referring to is Mochiba. And the song I want to play for my Friday flashback was released July 2000, the year 2000. What a great year. Thank God. I mean, it was released then, but I year 2000. What a great year. Thank God. I mean, it was released then, but I assume they recorded it in 1999. And thank God the Y2K bug didn't reverse it all,

you know, when the computers all crashed. Y-packs, yeah. It reached number, where was it? It reached number 13 in New Zealand's most successful singles of 2000. When it was in the charts, when it was released, it hit number two. We were one of the countries where it did the best. Everywhere else it was around 13, 14 or 40.

But I stand by it. It is a banger. It is 3 minutes 35 of pure joy. The song, of course, is Morchiba's Rome Wasn't Built in a Day. ZN. Thank you. You and me, we're meant to be Walking free, in harmony One fine day, we'll fly away Don't you know the road wasn't built in a day Hey, hey, hey

I'm having a daydream We are getting somewhere I'm kissing your lips And running fingers through your hair I'm as nervous as you Now I'm making it right We know we were wrong Thank you. And all of me On my day Will run away Don't you know the road Wasn't built in a day

Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Thank you. Don't you know that Rome wasn't built in a day? You and me, we're meant to be. One can breathe, and all are made. One fine day, we're gonna run away. Don't you know that Rome wasn't built in a day? You and me, we're meant to be. One can breathe, and all are made. You and me. You and me. One man, two feet. One to me. One and three. One and three.

And all of me. All of me. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three.

One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three.

One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three.

One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three.

One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three.

One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three.

One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three. One time, three.

One time, three. One time, three. Haley's pick this week More cheap But Rome wasn't built in a day It's happy It's good It's so happy It's uplifting isn't it And just a You know Nice little reminder

That good things take time Yeah You know If you kind of And cheese Cheese takes time Wine Good cheese takes time

Wine takes time Those old men In the cheese They had that to replace Those old mates Like three times That's how much time The cheese was taking.

Before the cheese, yeah, was ready. Yeah. Mainland. No, was it mainland? Well, cheese is like a tree, you know. The best time to plant it was 20 years ago. Oh, that's nice. If you don't plant cheese, I don't think that's all right.

It's cheaper. It's got to be really philosophical, guys. It does. You've got a tear in your eye. What's the feedback been like for that, though? Love the Friday flashback today. I used to love to blast the song while I'm travelling. It's got big summer windows down on the highway energy.

Yeah, massive, massive sink. Something you've never seen before, energy. Love it. Somebody else said, what a banger. This is my wedding song. Do you like what? Love takes time yeah like

when I first saw you I gotta be fair you were just a ruins a rubble and we built Rome yeah very

I don't know took a lot of hard work what part of the I'd be interested to know what part of the wedding now we're Rome sort of you've signed your things

it's got a bit of energy of leaving from signing the nuptials before you grab a champagne and shake it with his hand. So overall, good feedback there. Yeah, yeah. Sweet song choice. Great Friday flashback.

Bang, I love that. Brought back many memories of me lip syncing, performing that in my bedroom. Oh, lovely. You're welcome, everybody. 12 minutes past eight. Ed Sheeran, the Ticket Blitz, the Activator, is coming up very soon.

We're starting this now and every hour until five. Double pass to see them live in either Auckland or Wellington. So keep an ear out for that activator soon. Now listen up, because this might be you. And you might hear it and go, this is me. And maybe you think it's a bad thing, but it might not be as bad as you think. It's called singleness envy. So it's, you know, when you're in a relationship and everything's great,

nothing's wrong with the relationship. Maybe you're having babies, you're getting married, you absolutely love it. But you still look over the fence and think, God, I'd give anything just to be single for a little bit again. Oh, God. There's nothing further from the truth. For you. There's nothing about being single that interests me at all.

I... At all. I'd have to go out I'd just I'd fall to bits. I'd just know. The lifestyle of it doesn't get me. Because I remember being single and when I was single all I wanted was

to be in a relationship. And then you get in a relationship and then you just want a little bit of freedom. It's a bit of human nature, you know. You want what you don't have. But every now and then I'll see a little bit of freedom. It's a bit of human nature, you know. It is human nature. You want what you don't have. But every now and then, boy, I'll see a man that makes me, absolutely, absolutely make me wish I was single. Right. I have a little bit of singleness envy.

For example, someone that was being, a case that was being studied, Jenna, 29, was in a relationship with her partner seven years, happy, completely in love. She adored the ground he walked on, trying for a baby in the next few years. And yet, sometimes she would find herself completely consumed by jealousy of her single friends. Looking at them going out,

you're just still a no? You don't ever look at your single friends who are like, my money, my money, my rules, my rules. If dudes are single at my age, there's a good reason they're single. They do whatever they want to know. You don't ever look at your single friends who are like my money, my money, my rules, my rules. If dudes are single at my age, there's a good reason they're single. They do whatever they want to do. They live their life for themselves. They don't have to take anyone else into consideration.

And they're nothing. I think I understand it. I don't have a lot of it. But I definitely understand that pull. You know, I look at Fletch and I think poor sad fella think Poor sad fella Poor sad me Lonely old man

I would love to do isolation on my own Sitting there on the couch Doing whatever I please Well the grass is always greener though Isn't it? This is what people find out When they cheat Absolutely and they're saying singleness Evie Is very seldom a sign

of a bad relationship. Like, bad relationships, the signs are pretty clear. Bad communication. Right. You know, no respect. Yeah. Et cetera, et cetera.

No trust. This kind of, Envy, it is just what you said it is. It's just human nature to be like this. We're animals. We're always going to look, I mean, monogamy,

it's a strange concept. Hard wood, though. It's pretty nice looking. That's mahogany. Pardon me? I think're always going to look. I mean, monogamy, it's a strange concept. Hard wood, though. It's pretty nice looking. That's mahogany. Pardon me? I think it's mahogany. Monogamy. Just staying with one person for the rest of your life.

Oh, okay. As you said, the grass is always greener. You know, I've got straight hair. I want curly hair. But anyone with curly hair, anyone with curly hair would be such a nightmare to deal with. I wish I had your wavy hair, says the person with straight hair. Everyone who's short wants to be tall. Everyone who's tall wants to be short.

Yeah. Well, you have a job and you're like, oh, man, I really wish I was a freelance. I want to go out there and be a freelance actor. I'll tell you what, the grass isn't always greener. Because you can't live on cruscuts. You can't live on cruscuts. We give it a red hot go. Give it your absolute bloody best.

So we thought we'd put it to you. When did you think that the grass was going to be greener? But it wasn't. So do you just want to hear from people that were in a relationship and then saw the greener grass and then were like, okay, I'm single now

and then regretted it or anything? I reckon there'd be lots of things. There'd be people who leave jobs for other jobs because they were promised the earth and then it wasn't, you know. Or leave a good job to travel and then realise that maybe travelling's not for them. Yeah. They're more of a, like they like a routine and a home base.

Yes. Yeah. Totally. Because it's always like when you look outside of something, you only see the good stuff. So if you look outside, if you're being in a committed relationship at a single person, you think, I want that. You're only seeing their freedom and, you know,

them going out and having no responsibilities to another person. But you're not seeing that thing of like they want to have a companion. They want a little cuddle in the middle of the night. They want to have, you know, sex on tap. Yeah. And at a moment's notice. Right. You know, so that's the thing.

It's like the grass is not always greener. So that's what we want to know from you. When did you get to the other side of the grass and realise it actually was a little bit tufty and burnt? Yeah. Or our neighbours had installed that AstroTurf that always looks like green grass, but it's not. Yeah.

It's plastic. Yeah. Well, it looks good from a distance, doesn't it? Yes, it does. All right. Well, give us a call. 0800-DARLS-AT-M is the number. You can text through now.

9696. When did you think the grass was going to be greener? Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. We have asked you, when did you think the grass was going to be greener and then you got there and the grass was in fact not as green as you were hoping it would be

This came from an article that was looking at singleness envy which is the feeling of being in a relationship everything in the relationship being absolutely perfect and fine but still having a yearning and looking at your friends with jealousy I think the key is to live,

being a single person, I think, and I get this a lot from a few friends, is to live vicariously through people. Yes. Like, and then you don't have to, you know, leave a relationship. Yes. Just live vicariously.

Yeah, that's why you're always hanging around my house when me and Aaron are trying to have a romantic night for two and you're just sitting there sort of living vicariously through us. That's peeping. No, that's why you're always hanging around my house when me and Aaron are trying to have a romantic night for two and you're just sitting there sort of living vicariously through us. That's peeping. No, that's peeping. That's straight peeping. I mean, I look at your single life and think lots of it's very alluring. I will say that my sister-in-law did ask me yesterday,

when's he going to get a lovely girlfriend? Yeah, when are you going to get a lovely girlfriend? There's a string of visitors in the night. Settle down. Give me some grandkids. I'm not conforming to your hetero cis norms, okay? I have been in the lift of his apartment block, and that thing is absolutely going to break down

the amount of times it's going up and down into your apartment. Oh, my God. His deliveries. Oh, my gosh. He's got some big units up there. This is slander, and my lawyers will be in touch after the show. So we want to take your calls. Yes.

We asked you when did you think the grass was going to be greener and it wasn't. Waverley, not the Waverley, surely not. Yeah, surely not. Not Chit Chit. Not Chit Chit. Hello. Hello, Waverley. So tell us, when did you think the grass was going to be greener?

Oh, my goodness. Okay, so it was in 2015. I totally thought moving to Auckland from Christchurch to study was a great idea. It turned out it absolutely was the complete opposite of a great idea. What happened? absolutely was the complete opposite of a great idea. You should have that. So the place that I was supposed to move into fell through and ended up couch surfing with, basically just couch surfing for about six months. Figured out that Sunny Link is not enough to live on.

Oh, no, no. And then ended up coming back to Christchurch. That was a whole 10-month ordeal, and I haven't been back to Auckland. You did a complete U-turn. Absolutely. I said, the grass is greener. Absolutely it's not, and I came back.

Fair enough. This is a brutal city to live in. It is a brutal city. Absolutely. Christy joins us. She's bloody loving Christchurch now though. Listen to that laugh. Oh, I know. Do we fix our technical difficulties down there?

Actually, I don't know. Waverley, are you there still, Waverley? Yes, yeah. Are you in Christchurch now? Yes, yeah. You guys dropped off for a bit there. We're back on the frequency. I think we sent someone up the antenna. We're back, baby. Good to know. Thank you. That's our Christchurch correspondent, Waverly,

letting us know what's happening down there. Christy, when did you think that the grass was going to be greener? So I was with this guy. This is going back like six, seven years ago now. I was with this guy for about seven months. I'd moved towns for this guy and everything. And, of course, I was sitting there watching all my single mates, having fun, going to town, getting on the puss all the time.

And I moved to a town where I didn't have any friends there. I moved just for him. And I basically, I just didn't enjoy it there. So, and I just saw it as he's not going far, blah, blah, blah. Long story short, he's now settled down, got kids, and is doing really well for himself. Oh, wait. Wait.

Oh. It's a double grass is greener. It is. His grass is greener and yours is greener. Well, you went there because you thought the grass was greener and then you're like, this grass isn't green, and you went back, but then now you're looking. This grass is green again.

Someone's put a bit of weed and feed on the lawn and you've got... This grass is all fluffy and green again. Yeah. He's been mowing it. It was... It's definitely one of those things of I should have just waited it out and I regret it now. Ah.

Yeah. Oh, bloody round up Christy, eh? Yeah. Thanks for calling, Christy. Thanks. The message is in. I moved from Northland down to Palmy

to be with my girlfriend and it's poos down here. Good morning to our Palmerston North listeners. Good morning, Palmerston North. We broke up. Do you remember, was it John Cleese

who famously had negative words? John Cleese has said some wildly horrible things about a few places in New Zealand. Yeah, he hated Parmy. He's said some terrible things in his life. And then didn't they name the tip after him, didn't they? Yes. The dump, yeah. But the good news is this Northlander who moved to the Manawatu

is moving back in a couple of months after the milking season finishes. Oh, yeah. So literally, as the grass is greener, or not green, no, it's going into winter, the grass won't be as much of it. I'm the oldest in my friend group,

and I have a 20-year-old daughter. When my friend started having babies and my eldest was about 13, I thought it would be nice to have another baby. Look at all these first-time mothers have a 20-year-old daughter. When my friends started having babies and my eldest was about 13, I thought it would be nice to have another baby. Look at all these first-time mothers having babies. Well, that grass is bloody knackered now because I had another baby. She's eight.

I'm nearly 50. There ain't no green grass having children when you're as old as time itself. Oh, babe. But do you ever get that? You know when you've got your children kind of growing up a bit? You ever see a baby and think, oh, it would be nice. I'm like, that's nice.

And I look back on videos of our girls as daughters. Yes, you do, because when I see you looking at pictures of your kids as babies, you go, oh. I know, but I loved it. You won't get a Vassie, though, will you? You won't get a Vassie.

No, I'm going to. I'll do it now. He's scared. Yeah. I've got a lighter in my pocket. I've got a lighter and a knife. Those are the two things you need. We've offered for free, but'm going to. I'll do it now. He's scared. Yeah. I've got a lighter in my pocket. I've got a lighter and a knife. Those are the two things you need. We've offered for free, but you won't.

Do you not trust us or something? What's wrong? Look, I'm terrified that once you see little Vaughn, you're going to fall in love. And we won't be able to work together again. No, that's fair. Hayley and I are very professional. We don't even see those kind of things.

I don't know if you know this. You're extremely professional. Fletcher and Sproul vasectomies. Yeah. Well professional. We don't even see those kind of things. Extremely professional. Fletcher and Sproul vasectomies. Well known. We've got a van. I'm not going to give a vasectomy

in a van. It's not called a van-sectomy. Someone said you've got to remember the grass is always greener due to the shit that comes with it.

Like manure. Oh yeah. A little bit of composting. Beautiful wisdom there. Some bit of wisdom there. I moved to New Zealand from England thinking the grass was green. I absolutely love New Zealand, but Miss England made me mad,

and I do regret moving. I've been homesick for 16 years. Move on. A lot of people actually move. Go down that aisle at Countdown. They've got British biscuits. Jaffa Cakes. Yeah, they've got Wagon Wheels.

Jaffa Cakes. Terry's Chocolate Orange. And that weird, not Marmite or Vegemite, that other thing. Borville. Borville, yeah. Yeah. Or Marmite or Vegemite, that other thing. Borville. Borville, yeah. Yeah. Or Marmite or whatever it's called. Play.

ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day a TV show called River Monsters. Have you ever seen River Monsters? I don't believe I have seen River Monsters. It's an Animal Planet show, and it sort of focused around this guy called Jeremy Wade, and the whole idea was he would go around the world catching fish and other, like, well, how he puts it, monsters.

They had to be big fish. He wasn't just after. He wouldn't have, for example, he wouldn't have been happy with a koi carp. He'd want some sort of monstrous close relative of a koi carp with a sharp set of teeth. Yeah, and some of those, like, little antenna-y bits. Yeah, yeah, the freakier the fish, the better.

He loved them freaky deekies. And he went all around the world doing it. And I've seen a few episodes of this, mostly because it's crazy and he's like, you know, fishing guys, there's two types of fishing shows. There's a guy that's like, and this is how you tie a Californian slipknot jig. And there's other guys like Matt Watson,

our very own Matt Watson, who's like, I'm just going to jump out of this helicopter. Yes, yeah. Whee! Like Steve Irwin, but he fishes as well. Yeah.

Well, this guy's adventures were a bit more like that. Yeah, right. Yeah, I've seen a few episodes and I kind of did wonder what happened to it. It was one of those shows that just stopped. Fantastic that his surname is Wade. He's wading in the water against the fish. He would wade.

He probably owns waders too. Probably owns a wader. There's old wady in the waders. And the show just disappeared. Any guesses as to why the show finished? Did he get eaten by a large koi fish? No. Did he get an infection from a fish or a river?

No. Did he wade in the water and then realise he couldn't swim? No. Did he get hit by a bus? No. He caught them all. Oh.

What? He caught them all. He caught every known species of massive river fish. So he clonked the game. And now he's done. Apparently Animal Planet won another season. He's like, but I can't. I caught them all.

I've done it. I've done it. He's like, I even caught one of them twice because in the first episode, I caught one of these Amazonian Goliaths. But it was like historic footage from just before I signed on for the show. So I felt bad about that. So I went back and people were like, these are like the hardest to catch fish in the world. He's like, yeah, I know.

It was real hard, but I caught it. And they're like, oh, maybe move into the sea. He's like, do you know how many fish there are in the sea? That's bloody crazy. No, man, I'm a river. I catch river monsters. I'm a river man. I'm a river man. The end. And they were like, you don't want another one? He's like, nah. We'll offer you this one, honey. Nah.

Did he get one of those catfish? Have you seen how they get the catfish? They put their arm in there. Yeah, noodling. Noodling. He went noodling. That's wild. He went noodling. What's that?

It's noodling. So catfish live in like muddy riverbanks. And they like, how they burrow into the holes. And so you can't get like a hook and bait and stuff in there. And it's very hard to lure them out. So you stick your, you go under the water sometimes and you stick your hand right in this muddy hole and you wait for it to bite you. And when it bites your fingers, you clamp down on the top of its nose with your thumb

and you drag out these massive. Oh, no. It's nuts. You should look it up. Noodling. It's wild. And sometimes guys drown doing it because the catfish is bigger than they expected and they just can't.

They won't let go and they can't. They're not strong enough to pull out and get back up to air. Far out. It's like a really dangerous way to do it. Wild. Yeah, and he caught them all. So he's like, well, I'm done. Okay.

Got to catch them all. Yeah, it's like Ash getting 150 Pokemon. He's like, I'm done. And Pokemon were like, there's another island with another 300 Pokemon. Ash is like, but I just Ash getting 150 Pokemon. He's like, I'm done. And Pokemon were like, there's another island with another 300 Pokemon. Ash is like, but I just wanted the 151. This is my island. I'm tired of Pokemoning. I don't want to have to keep going.

So today's fact of the day is the TV show River Monsters ended on Animal Planet because this guy caught every river monster. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Here's an article, and it made me feel really good, and then I read some information and I felt really angry, and then I felt, oh, I guess you could say I felt a bit hormonal about it all. Because you may remember a few years ago, scientists developed a male contraceptive pill.

Oh, but the side effects. But the side effects. Oh, no. The men, they just. The mild side effects. The mild. They had headaches. They felt a little bit moody and grumpy, a little weight gain.

And so they cancelled it. They just said, oh, it's too much. We can't handle it. We wouldn't dare inflict this on men. And so the idea was scrapped. And at that time, women everywhere were just tearing out what little hair left they have. Yeah. You'd say they were moody.

You're on thin ice. But as a side effect of the contraceptive pill, because otherwise perfectly balanced. Yes, we were very moody about it, because the side effects of birth control in women, I can tell you, can be absolutely horrible. Absolutely horrible. And I've experienced this, and I've jumped around

trying to find the right one for me, and it's one of the most awful times of my life. Anyway, here's the good news. Boy, I'm glad there's good news. I just went back to that time when I was on the wrong one for me and I was like... What was the wrong one for you? Uh... What did I say the name?

I don't have anything against this pill. It's called Jeanette and it was for skin. That's right because it's all... It's got female names, right? The different pills have female names. Yeah, I'm on Yasmin, Jeanette, Ava, there's all sorts. I went on one, and I used to just drive my car and be like, I reckon I'm just gonna drive it off this bridge. What?

Yeah, I would be on this pill, and I would just see a tree and be like, here we go. Jesus. It was psychotic. That is dark. It was so dark, man, it was so bad. Anyway, I know, you wouldn't be able to handle it. Anyway. Not my fragile male brain.

No, no, no. Certainly wouldn't. So this is very exciting because scientists now have, they have been working on it, but they've been wanting to create a non-hormonal male contraceptive pill to mitigate all the side effects that you do get from a hormonal, which are the ones that we take. Again, you just couldn't handle it. So they've been working on this non-hormonal contraceptive pill and they've just found that it has been proven 99% effective

in the trials that they've been doing. Non-hormonal, so the side effects were none, basically, no obvious side effects immediately. So this is in mice, so the side effects were none, basically. No obvious side effects immediately. So this is in mice, by the way. But they are going to be starting human trials at the end of this year. Wow. So if it's non-hormonal, what does it say? What it is? Is that sort of like deep science?

Several compounds that target the male sex hormone testosterone. So it will target your testosterone. Yeah. I reckon they should just put this in the drinking water. If it's going to target testosterone and bring down testosterone levels, there's too much testosterone humming around. Everyone's ramping the testosterone. That's usually what it was.

So if we affect your testosterone, it affects your fertility. Okay. But it would also do weight gain, depression. I'm like nodding at all the women in the room. Weight gain, depression, other side effects, moodiness, and all that kind of stuff. So they were like... Darwin just pulled the fingers at me.

Like I'm head scientist. I actually can't, in this article that I'm reading, I can't see what the science is behind how they've made a non-hormonal pill. But, you know, I listened to this amazing podcast where this guy had this theory that if you kept your testicles warm, like, it would be as effective as a contraceptive pill. I remember this. And there was a little thing you could dip your balls in. He built undies that kept it so warm and he would monitor his sperm count.

Yeah, I don't know. It could be a bit waffy. It could be a bit waffy. But he monitors his sperm count and it just dropped away. Wow. And then he did like, oh, I'll take them off and they go up a little bit. So I'll leave them on longer and they go down and they stay down a little bit longer. And then he kept them on for like 11 months, I think was his longest stint.

And it rendered him infertile. Wow. He'd had kids. So he was like happy to experiment on himself. Also, I don't know if even if that was for women. I don't know if I'd want a hot crotch all day. Yeah, but your baby making parts are up inside. Inside.

So they sit at a regular temperature, but of course the male testicles are on the outside of the body to regulate heat. Getting squished by the thighs. He said it's even like they talked to a fertility doctor and he said it's an interesting case when guys come in and their sperm counts low, they're like, how do you wash?

And he's like, what do you mean? And he's like, well, how do you bathe at the end of the day? He's like, I have a hot bath every second day. And he's like, stop having the hot baths. And the sperm rate goes up. That's incredible. Because even just sitting in a hot bath's enough. I reckon that time we went to Les Mills to trip

and I sat on my testicles on that bike, I reckon I'm done, yeah. You're done because you yelped. Like a little, yeah. Like a dog when you stand on its tail. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Scene sleuth. Chance for you to win now with Neon, $250 cash and a 12-month subscription. Now, we have a movie script here. We're going to do a scene from a movie that you can find on Neon. Jennifer joins us. Good morning, Jen. Good morning, guys. movie that you can find on Neon. Jennifer joins us. Good morning, Jen. Good morning, guys. How are you doing?

Good, good. All right, so Hayley's got an acting degree, so this is going to be very easy. Yeah, it was a very expensive acting degree. I worked really hard to get it. Vaughan, you don't have a degree? No, but I've got a great attitude. Yeah, he does.

And I will say that we've been warming it up because last week we, of course, did American Accents for Twilight. And this is a great attitude. Yeah, he does. And I will say that we've been warming it up because last week we, of course, did American Accents for Twilight. And this is a little clue. It's a different accent. So we've been sort of dropping into a different dialect and he's been over there working on it. Now, I believe I've got some office ambience here.

I'm going to read out the synopsis to the movie and then I'm going to kick off the ambience. You guys are in an office setting. Ring, ring. At the start of the new year, a 32-year-old decides it's time to take control of her life and start keeping a diary with a taste for adventure

and an opinion on every subject from exercise to men to food to sex and everything in between. She's turning the page on a whole new life. Ring, ring. Ring, ring. Hello. She's turning the page on a whole new life. Bling bling. Bling bling. Hello.

Hello. It's me. It's good, it's good. God, I prayed for so much and the first thing, no I didn't, I didn't do right. You're a woman to it, you're a woman to it. Hello. Hello. That's it, man.

Hello. Hello. It's me, Bridget. Just wondering how you are. Fine, thanks. How are you? Fine. Though I've just had a rather graphic shag flashback, and you do have a genuinely gorgeous bottom. Thank you. I'm actually with the Mexican ambassador, the head of Amnesty International, and the undersecretary for trade and ministry. And you're on speakerphone.

Oh, right. Well, I've actually got some important stuff to do too. Bridget, I'll call you after work. Excellent. Yeah, same, same, same. Brilliant acting. That was great acting. Well, it should be because I have a degree in it. Brilliant acting. That was great acting. Well, it should be because I have a degree in it.

And I've got a great attitude. Jennifer, the movie is on now. What is it? It was exactly the same as the classic original, Bridget Jones's Diary. Yes, the edge of reason, that scene. We'll give you that. Congratulations, $250 cash.

And we have a month's subscription to Neon. Congratulations. Fantastic. Thanks very much, guys. And you can get a Kiwi streaming service, get great value, get it on Neon and they're giving you the chance as well to win that $50,000.