ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 25th November 2022

Episode Date: November 24, 2022

Ultimate UrinalTop 6: Finnish PM  Silly Little Poll!Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!  Holiday Bust Ups  It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, great barista made coffee on the go. Happy Black Friday. Yeah, you guys hitting the sales? Nope. Nah.

You'll hear about it a little. We've been told. So we took advantage of. We've been told to go and spend. We've been told. So we took advantage of. We've been told to curb our spending. We've been asked by the Reserve Bank. You know, but it also doesn't have any furniture. Adrian Orr to curb our spending. What's Hayley meant to do?

I can't sit on a beanbag for the rest of my life. I've been getting butt boils. Make some out of pallets and old coffee sacks. Oh, my God. Do you know me? Do you know my aesthetic? She doesn't live on Castle Street, Vorn. No.

I just bought a couch, literally just now. What kind of couch? But you haven't sat in it. Have you sat in it? I've sat in it. It's not an incredible couch. We just need a little two-seater for the front lounge. Right, this isn't like the time

when you purchased that three-seater and it didn't fit. It was too big for your house. Way too big. No, it's not like that at all. Right. Well, I didn't measure, but I feel like it'll fit. It's a two-seater. Oh, my God.

Here we go. Join us. Is this why the other day you said, give me a 140? 140. Was that what you said? A measurement. Oh, Hayley, you've got to measure. Give me a 140.

You've got to measure the space first. I can't remember what I was asking you to measure. This is a 140. Hang on a minute. That's two seat of width. Here we go. Width, 155. Oh, shoot, that's even bigger.

That's even longer. That's that width. Oh, no, that's fine. Yeah, what about your depth? Give me your depth. 96. Oh, shoot, that's deep. Oh, you've got a deep one.

That's deep. That's a deep one. That's not going in through your door. Your door would be 80. Your door would be a standard 80. Angled, though, you might that's deep. Oh, you've got a deep one. That's deep. That's a deep one. That's not going through your door. Your door would be 80. Your door would be a standard 80. Angled, though, you might get a 96. What's your other one? What's your height?

What's your third dimension? 82. 82. Oh, no, yeah, door's smaller than that. Well, join us next week on the podcast when Hayley tries to sell a couch. Shoot. I've fucked that up, haven't I? Yes. Yeah, okay.

I'll have to wait then till the roof comes off. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you, Lee. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Happy Friday morning. It's a very happy Friday, Andy. Not so happy for me.

I've got a mystery pain in my pants. Why are you wriggling around inside your trousers in the workplace? The moment I put on my pants, I've had a shit morning. I hurt my shoulder and neck combo yesterday right in here and it pulls, I can't turn my head very well.

Oh, okay. I was doing push-ups. How many did you get? All up? Yeah. Well, I was doing lots of 20. I got 100. Wow, good boy.

But I hurt myself, and I was one of those real old man hurts yourselves. I was doing the push-up, and I got to the top, and I was like, oh! And then had to let down,

and I lay there for a bit just to be like, oh! This is what happens when you do exercise. All the hot girls at the gym are definitely like, I'm a bit of that old man

Look at that hot old man giving an absolute red hot guy Look at that hot old man Look at that hot old bald sweaty piece of shit on the floor And then I put my pants on this morning And I've got stingy pants I was convinced there was some sort of bitey ant situation in my pants Right, is it nettles? You've got stinging nettles in your pants.

My pants might have nettles in them. Because you always wear your jeans out on the farm, let. I do. Yeah. It is nettle season. And then I was towing the recycling bin down the driveway this morning, and it hit a soft bit of grass on the side of the driveway and flipped. And it just scattered.

Do you do that thing where you just put it on the tow bar? No, I don't have a tow bar on the chimney yet. I do plenty of them. But no, I just hang a hand out the window and hold on. And you've really got to like hold it. Yeah, that doesn't sound good. And then it flipped and yeah, the recycling went bloody everywhere. So that was picking up that.

And then I got back in the car and I got stingy pants still and a sore neck. Well, you're not dying, are you? You're not dead. We're all dying. Just a different pain. Yeah, but you could be living in Ukraine right now,

getting bombed. Yeah, have some perspective. Have some perspective, you know? Yeah. Nah, it's a good call out. You could have what I've got. MS. Now, you will remember

at the start of the year I started getting nerve pain In my legs You don't have MS That's 11 months That that's been present You don't have to say She doesn't have MS

She hasn't had the test Now I've got the sore hand thing And that's going And my A friend of mine Recently went through The full MS testing Doesn't have MS

But Right She was telling me The symptoms she was experiencing And now you're freaking out That you've Right Well I've already already talked to one

of my friends who has MS and he was like, you don't have MS. But last night at the pub I said to Aaron and he was talking something boring, something dreary. And I said, Aaron, I think I've got MS. Wait, so he was doing something dreary and you decided to pep up the conversation with a self-diagnosis

of a terrible disorder. MS. And then he went, what colour are we painting the back lounge? And I said, Aaron, I've just hit you with my MS diagnosis and you do not have MS. I don't have MS. No. This is, I realise I'm just at my mid-30s.

Yeah, that's what happens. Because I was like, all my ankles are clicking now. And Aaron was like, yeah, That's what kind of what occurs. Yeah, right. So, I mean, all positive vibes. Thoughts and prayers? Do we need some thoughts and prayers? I think you might, yeah.

Thoughts and prayers our way, amen. Whoever you pray to. Chuck us a thought and or a prayer. Briscoe's lady. All right. Coming up on the show. Yeah. Thoughts and prayers and sales.

Well, they've got a big sale today. Everybody's got a sale today. I'm going to spend some money today. Happy blank Friday. I'm thinking of buying Shada a new set of plates.

Which I know you two will be particularly happy about. Please do. Oh my god. I've been gagging around to come

around for dinner again but I simply won't. Because you've got a work function at your house soon. And Hayley and I are looking forward to teasing your wife about the chipped plates. Last time you teased her, she found solace in a bottle of wine.

And she was so pissed by the end of that dinner party. Like, I had to carry her to bed. Because you two wouldn't stop teasing her about her chipped plates. I mean, it's just absurd how chipped they were. And that she would serve them to guests. It was so great. Every now and then when she orders, she's like,

can you stack it in the dishwasher or something? You see her look at the chips and you just see her get flashed back to that night of torment. I can't believe she still hangs out with us.

If you buy them, can you gift them to her for Christmas after we've been around for the function? Yeah. I'm definitely not getting the new plates out for the function. Okay, good, good.

No, definitely not. Well, coming up on the show are the top six, and we've got a special guest. We do. In the country this weekend. The Finnish Prime Minister. You'll be familiar with her if you follow the news. She's the young, attractive party animal that everybody's like, she's on drugs. She's like, no, I wasn't.

I just went to the pub. She's having a good time. Am I allowed to dance? Just went to the club with my friends. Yeah. I head to clubs every weekend. Yeah, but you're not a prime minister. Not yet.

Not yet. So the top six on the way. Yeah, the top six things for her to get up to. All right, next on the show. Elon Musk's had a very bad year. Yeah. Very bad. I will tell you just how bad

and it will make your eyes water. I just asked you guys if weeing in a urinal, getting some splashback is a real issue. This is a very interesting thing. I don't think women know enough about the wonder, the modern wonder that is the urinal. I've never used a real issue. This is a very interesting thing. I don't think women know enough about the wonder,

the modern wonder that is the urinal. I've never used a urinal. I have been with a friend, a female friend, and she backed up into a urinal. I've seen. That was a big day out classic. And I can't blame women. I don't blame women at all.

If there's a queue for a toilet, I'd do the same thing. Well, I got told off at Friday Jams, didn't I, for coming into the men's. You were trying to sneak in with me to use a... But then the line into the men's at Friday Jams was big as well near the end. Yeah, there was. What's the bold of anybody to assume in 2020? I don't know,

how dare they? Oh yeah, you should. How you identify. Yeah. I mean, it's not really for me to pull that card, is it? No, no, no, no. So we can take a wee-wee? Yeah. But I didn't realise that these urinals were so complicated i just see them that i have i know the ones that either like on the wall like a round oval thing yeah like a singular hanger singular which i did debate putting one in for my bathroom when i did my

bathroom it'd be the smell it would be the smell so embarrassing but the ease of it is so nice it'd be like walking into your bathroom and just taking a whazz in the shower. Yeah. It just kind of sits there. You might just be in the shower. No, you can flush them. There's something about that.

I don't know. Yeah. Because I thought it'd be great for a lad's flat, but it would have to be like an outside toilet with a smell of the water. For a lad's flat, you just need one of those big, long, silver trays. Yeah, yeah.

The wall. They're a wall. Yeah. A wall urinal. So scientists have said that people have been complaining about the way that urinals,

they're not ergonomically designed. Is that the word? You get some that are kind of like round and kind of... You get stuck under. Yeah, but even then

you hit them on the wrong angle, you're going to get a big splash back. That's why there's those little meshy things sitting in them. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, they created a bunch of urinals. I'll show you guys. There's five of them. Oh, okay. All different shapes. One on the left is kind of your almost classic standard single. Yeah, I like that. The second one's like a square.

Oh, yeah, those are an older, squarer one. They're a bastard for a splash back off the flat back. Yeah. Then there's one that is like kind of a hexagony shape. The next one's a very tall, long, skinny and the other one looks like the head of a Satisfyer Pro.

The one on the end. It does. It looks like a toilet strapped to the wall. It does. And so they tested all of them. Which I know that sounds stupid because that's exactly what a urinal is, a toilet strapped to the wall. It looks like a toilet strapped to the wall. Traditional toilet strapped to the wall.

So they had a computer model reproduce the way that dogs urinate. Because they were like, they urinate instinctively. Cocklegged, don't they? Yeah, and they're not confined to societal norms, right? They're like, I need to take a wee. This is the best way to do it. And they figured out the magic angle they're calling it. And then they created these toilets to try to go like,

how could we use that with humans? And the one that they liked is the tall, skinny one. Yeah, right. Because it's really, really tall. And they're saying like, it's perfect for, yeah, my fiance, six foot six. Yep. To a five footer.

Yeah. A four point nothing to use as well. And the way that it comes around the side and with the angle that it dips back against the wall, they promise a splash free urinal. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. It's a vertical.

It minimizes splash back with its vertical surface. They measured it by using a dense foam around the edge, after which they wrung it out to see how much urine had been splashed outside of the thing. Yeah, but then guys, you know, like put these in a bar and guys will be swaying around. Yeah, I know. Because it's long and skinny. Like, you don't have much sort of side-to-side movement. You've got to aim very well. You could – there'll always be piss on the floor at the end of the night.

Yeah. Guys are rank, and the drunk guys are even ranker. Yeah, I know, but I – It's gross. Do you know I think this often when I go into women's bathrooms? We're rank. Oh. There was always like phantom pooers.

Phantom pooers. Always female. What are you doing? I know. I'm always going to a female bathroom and be like, ooh. Whenever I've worked somewhere and there's been like a company-wide email sent around about the state of the ablutions, it's always the female's bathroom. Yeah, it is.

And then it's like if they're using a tampon, most women will just like open it and they're just on the floor. Oh, the plastic wrap? With the wrapper. Yeah, yeah. You always go into the bathroom, there's always tampon wrappers. They always flush it. No, no, no, you can't flush the plastic bit. That's got to go in the bin.

It's got to go in the bin that they put in there for us to use for this purpose. And yet. Whee! Poopty loops in the bin. It's got to go in the bin. The plastic wrapper. That they put in there for us to use for this purpose. Whee! Poopty loops in the women's bathrooms. But when you unwrap the tampon and that plastic bit we're talking about, is it one of those things that just unwraps and it's just like gone with the wind? You're like, and it's hard to grab? No, they're quite butty.

Okay. No, no, it's definitely a conscious chuck on the floor. In unisex toilets, there's always just one like whistling around. Yeah, whistling around. Like a western tumbleweed. Yes. Oh, women. Wah, wah, wah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

From the yummy ZM think tank, this is the top six. At the age of 37, she was the world's youngest leader. I don't know if she still is. She may have been overtaken or undertaken by someone younger, but she is Sana Marin, the Finnish Prime Minister. She was the one that was photographed in the clubs, and everyone's like, she's doing drugs. She's on drugs. She's high.

Oh, my God. She had her girlfriends over and had a wine oh my god she's the same age as my wife and i tell you what if i could show you some photos of someone considerably more drunk and the same age with her friends she came out and and did drug tests didn't she yeah she's the only one that's doing drugs she was clear and she was like cautious yeah you had to be an idiot to be in politics and be out at the clubs doing God knows what. Pingas. Yeah.

All sorts. Well, she's coming to New Zealand, meeting with Jacinda. I've got the top six spots for the Finnish PM and the New Zealand PM to hit the clubs. Because, you know, Jacinda used to do a bit of DJ. Yeah, she loves the clubs. Yeah, she's not afraid of the nightlife.

Are you the right person to do this list? I am the club correspondent. DCC. Yeah, but you haven't been into clubs for like 10, 15 years. Dude, yeah, but I only go to the classics. I only go to the ones that last forever, you know. Right. There's no doubt.

There's no doubt. Number six on the list of the top six spots for the Finnish Prime Minister and the Kiwi Prime Minister, those who hit the clubs. Number six, there's no better bar, the Holy Grail in Christchurch. This place is great because it'll show rugby on the big screen and then, you know, just the dance floor opens up. You can get out of it and go sit

at a table. Great spot. I think that's long gone, Dawn. What? Yeah. What? I know. What? Yeah. I know you'd love that bar. I love that bar. He actually did love that bar. I did love that bar. Did you frequent the Holy Grail? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Shit, yeah. I love that place. Oh, no. What happened to it? Well, it says temporarily closed on Google. Yeah, no, because they just can't, you know, face it. It's gone.

Right. Oh, yeah, they're holding on to it. They're like, we'll be back. Go, well, I'll fund it. I'll back it financially. 2017, a news article, that former site

sold for $3 million. Cheap. Good Lord. Well, I'm actually not financially backing it then that's why. Number five

on the list of the top six spots for the two prime ministers to hit to clubs are Leftfield and Auckland. Don't tell me that's gone. What are you talking about? That was a beautiful spot on the Viaduct.

Yeah, I've never been before my time. They used to film Sports Cafe there. No, I don't know where they film Sports Cafe now. I think it's a crab shack now, hon. I don't think Sports Cafe is still around. What? But Mark Ellis is hilarious. He says what we're all thinking and he's not afraid to get ripped shit Shaq now on. I don't think Sports Cafe is still around. What? Yeah. But Mark Ellis is hilarious.

He says what we're all thinking, and he's not afraid to get ripped, shit, and drunk. He's not afraid. You're right, he's not afraid. No, that's gone. I can't believe it. All of that's long gone. I can't believe this. Yeah.

Number four on the list of the top six spots. Here's one. This one's definitely, I know for a fact, this spot's still around. There's a huge spot in my hometown, the Bahama Hut in Hamilton. No. What? Gone as well.

Dude. What? You need to get out more. Where do you go to just buy off some steam and have a daiquiri? Well, there's all sorts of new daiquiri bars. But the Bahama Hut was the original. I'm sure it was, but it's gone. Is it still in Tauranga?

Well, it says Bahama Hut here in Hamilton temporarily closed on Google. Yeah, again, they just don't want to come in. Jesus, man. Okay, I know this one's still around. Big fan of this club. Number three on the list of the top six clubs for the two pro ministers that hit this weekend. The big Kumara in Wellington.

What a spot. No, that's gone. I think like 12 years ago, that shut. for the two pro ministers that hit this weekend. The big kumara in Wellington. What a spot! Oh no. That's gone. I think like 12 years ago that shut. I beg your pardon? Yeah. Whoa.

Became a comedy club for a while and a theatre. What was that one on Courtney Place with the dogs? Oh. What was that one called?

Oh my God. Two dogs? Two red dogs? No. A big red dog? One red dog. One red dog. That was the pizza place, wasn't it?

The pizza place, yeah. Yeah, but then it was a bar. Was it? At night, yeah. At night, yeah. That's right. The Allotta Wellington bar's gone. What?

What? Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let me hit you with a classic. Okay. At two, okay? We're going to do it. We're going to do it. We're going to do it.

Top six spots for the two prime ministers that hit the clubs. The Grumpy Mole in Tauranga. It's gone. Grumpy Mole. Grumpy Mole. No, I think that's... Give it a Google check. Western themed.

Johnny Cash. I love a Western themed bar. Colin Meads. It was like... Grumpy Mole was a flown star. It was just a little bit more loose. Oh, no. The Grumpy Mole Saloon.

41 The Strand. Oh, one star on Google. It says temporarily closed. Oh, for f... What about the Nelson one? Just on a whole. Where can we hit the Grumpy Mole? Maybe just search Grumpy Mole franchise.

No, that closed as well, the Nelson one. Ah, shivers. Shivers. Yeah, heck, I don't know what. Well, luckily, I know for a fact, number one. Shivers. Yeah, heck. I don't know what. Well, luckily, I know for a fact, number one is still open. Old Reliable.

Yeah, okay. Old Reliable, the cockroach of hospitality. The cockroach of hospitality. It survives through nuclear explosions of recessions and COVID shutdowns.

Number one on the list of the top six spots for the Finnish Prime Minister and the Kiwi Prime Minister to hit the clubs this weekend, Danny Doolin's in the Viaduct. Yeah! It's open!

Le Kakarotja! Yes. Yes! Finally got one. Jeez, man. That's sad. That's sad. I'm sad to hear about the others, though.

It's been a while since you've been out, hasn't it? Oh, it's been a little while. It's been a while. It's been a while! Is that saying a song still on in the club? St It's been a while since you've been out, hasn't it? Oh, it's been a little while. It's been a while. It's been a while! Is that saying a song still on in the club? Stained?

Been a while? It's been a while. It's been a while. It's been a while. We'll start at United States Airport, JFK Airport. Which one's that?

It's in New York. Oh, yeah. It's just for kids, I think. Just for kids. Just for kids. That's what it stands for, JFK. Yeah. That would be a chaotic airport.

That would make a great airport show. Yeah, kids trying to get from one country to another. Like everything. Kids checking, kids running, the catering, everything. Passport control. Where was I the other day? The parents let the kid with a stupid wheelie suitcase, which was obviously just for...

The one that they sit on and ride and the parents pull it? No, it was just they let the kid have a suitcase, but the kid was like dawdling and holding everyone up. But they were just like, oh, he's so cute with his little suitcase. It's like, Mr. Independent. Master Five is so independent. He doesn't need that suitcase. Just pick it up and we can all walk faster.

God, parents are just the worst. They're the worst. They're the worst of us. They're the worst. But no, they were, airport staff noticed sticking out of the suitcase a little bit of orange fur. And that's when they x-rayed the suitcase.

I'll show you the photo of the orange fur sticking out of the suitcase. Oh my God. And I'm showing you the x-ray because when they x-rayed the suitcase, they found a ginger cat. That poor cat. Wait, is it dead?

No, it's alive. It's alive. I thought it might have been dead and they were like getting it home or something. So the orange tabby was alive, a lucky escape. Apparently it belonged to somebody else in the house of the person that was flying and it had stowed away. And it must have like curled up in there and gone to sleep, and then the person's like, zip, off to the airport,

not knowing that the cat was in there. They had, the bag had been checked in for a flight to Atlanta and then on to Florida from New York. Jeepers. So, I mean, and, you know, they're not delicate with bags, are they? What if you found it, like, wriggling? Well, maybe you would have heard a meow. Like Ronnie would be like, you know, making that awful,

gustural noise. Well, my cat would have instantly pushed that bag over the weight limit. So you would have felt it. Oh, Jesus, what's in here? You would have felt towing that. Sorry, Sarah, it's only 23 kgs. Yeah. Wow. Cats are silly, eh? They. Sorry, Sarah, it's only 23 kgs. Yeah. Wow.

Cats are silly, eh? They love it. They just crawl into places and that's it. Well, you often hear of them crawling into cars because they're a bit warmer. Yeah, remember there was

that clip of a two-person plane? Yes. And there was like a cat on the wing. It was like, meow. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It had like curled up. It pulled it in. Yeah. Jeez. Stupid animals, eh? Just the best. But the best, yeah. yeah, yeah. It had, like, cooled up. Jeez. Stupid animals, eh? Just the best. But the best, yeah. Play it.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's fact of the day is one of the guys that invented flying, well, the American flying, because I know they did it down in Timaru, didn't they? Didn't we have a New Zealander that got to be airborne before the Wright brothers? Oh, that's right. Yeah.

He actually lived to see flight advance to jets and the first supersonic flight. Oh. Yeah, Orville Wright, one of the two Wright brothers. The other one, Wilbur Wright, he died well before that. Okay. He died aged 45 of typhoid. Oh, yeah, that's like one of the travel diseases you've got to get vaccinated against. Yep.

So he died young, but his brother died at the age of 76. So these were the guys that invented flying, the first heavier-than-air flight, the planes. And then from there, it just took off. Pun not intended, but appreciated. It was really good. And it advanced So quickly That before he had died

Yeah there were jet engines Wow It's crazy how quickly That all Happened How quickly that all happened Yeah I'm just googling

Richard Pierce The New Zealand farmer That was the name They reckon that he did it Nine months before The Wright Brothers Because But there was no

Yeah there was no TikTok to prove it. Really, was there? Yeah. So if it had TikTok or something, TikTok voice would have narrated the first flight. Oh, my God. Look at me. I'm up in the air.

Wow. The view from here is so cool. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. My engine is failing. Exactly. But sadly, no TikTok. Oh, bugger.

Yeah. Wasn't invented, but planes were. But yeah, this guy, yeah. You might think that there was a massive time gap between the first flight and the first jet flight, but not really, no. But yeah, you think about people that are, like, in their, you know, hundreds now.

They've witnessed so much technological change in their lifetime. I know about this. Like, even, I'm, like, the end of it. And all we get. Because I got the internet, right, and cell phones and stuff. But all we get is, like, cell phones get, like, a millimetre smaller, thinner. But then that's, okay, that's interesting because I think like that too. But then a Facebook memory popped up of my mate

when he got a iPhone 8 and it was the first one with portrait mode where you could like focus on the thing and blur the background. Right. And that was five years ago. And the first time I saw that, I was like, oh my God.

Yeah, same. But it was like, that was only five years ago. I mean, we've got electric vehicles. They weren't around in our lifetime. No, they were the first. Electric vehicles were the first vehicles. What? The first vehicles were like electric vehicles. Well, don't be silly.

The first vehicles were a horse and cart. Oh, yeah. The first powered vehicles after like steam, because steam was no good in small vehicles. Yeah. It was too big. It needed too much room and to carry too much stuff around. But yeah, the first vehicles were like electric vehicles.

And big petrol shut them down. Oh, yeah, of course, because they want us filling up with 91, don't they? Oh, I love 91. Is that your favourite? That's my go-to. I never 95. I just don't bother. Sometimes I'll chuck a bit of diesel in.

I don't do a little mix if it's cheaper. Just enough to like fill up the tank but not enough that the car will know. Yeah, I don't think that's, for listeners, that's not a thing.

If it's two V's for six bucks, I'll give my car a little treat, you know. Yeah, same, same, same. Put a little V in. You're looking a little tired. Same colour.

Put a couple of V's in. Car doesn't know. Nah! Nom, nom, nom. What is that? Gorana? Yeah. Toran. Toran. Toran and guarana. Yum, yum, yum. car doesn't know nah what is that Gorana yeah Toran

Toran Toran and Gorana yum yum yum so today's fact of the day is one of the Wright brothers that invented flight well not according to Richard Pearce no Richard Pearce

but he didn't have a TikTok so he actually couldn't prove that whatsoever lived to see jet engines and the first supersonic flight. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Play. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Hi, it's me, Vaughan Smith, broadcasting professional.

Popcorn. Silly little po. Popcorn, do you cook it in the microwave or on the stove? Or third option, are you bougie enough to have a popcorn machine? Oh, I don't know if I'd go machine. I love it on the stove. That bagged popcorn ain't it. No, I love it on the stove. That bagged popcorn ain't it. No, I love the bagged popcorn.

That butter smell is so feral to me. We've done fairly large promos with bagged popcorn people before. I beg your pardon. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're not currently spending. They're not currently spending. They're not currently spending. I'm eating a bag right now. Not currently spending, so don't feel that you have to pander to the client.

Okay, thank you. Do you remember the smell of the microwave popcorn? The butter got into the furniture. Yeah. Yes, it's so off. The whole office smelled like butter for years. The sweet, tangy one, the microwave popcorn. That's my favourite kettle corn.

Oh, my. It's so yum. It's sweet and tangy. It's like a sweet and tangy one. Sweet and salty. I forget the favourite, kettle corn. Oh, my. It's so yum. Sweet tangy. It's like a sweet tangy one. Sweet and salty. I forget the name, but yeah. I know you said a bag of chips. Yeah, same, but.

Every single time. I don't like popcorn. It's a little bit more healthier, though, isn't it, popcorn? Is it? Yeah, well, not with the amount of butter that you'd put on it. But if you make it on the stove with corns, yum. Yeah, because if you make it on the stove with corns, you don't get those leftover ones.

You know, on the bottom of the microwave bag. You've just got to keep them moving, right? And the light ones go to the top and the heavy ones still. Then you've got to see all the oil you're using. No, you don't use that much oil. I don't know. No, I'm stove all the way, baby. All right, well, how do people feel?

85% of people said microwave. Yeah, because it's easy. Convenience rules. Stove, 11%. Popcorn machine, 4%. Courtney, a regular contributor to Cilentro Pals. Their stove's too much ab and I'm looking for the quickest way to put butter in my mouth. I mean, words to live by.

Yes. Words to live by. How quickly can I get this butter in my mouth? Now, I need butter in my mouth. And it needs to be in there now. It can't go in by itself because people shun those from society that will just eat a block of butter. Yeah, they do.

Honeybee and Co. says, Stove 100% because you can pop all the kernels, unlike those sneaky bars you find at the bottom of a microwave bag. Yeah. Kelly, popcorn machine because I told the kids it was healthier kernels, unlike those sneaky bars you find at the bottom of a microwave bag. Yeah. Kelly. Popcorn machine because I told the kids it was healthier and just as yummy as microwave popcorn. I lied. It's shit.

And now I'm stuck practicing what I preached. Is it not as good? Okay. Not as good. She's stuck. Liana. Nothing beats those salty and sweet microwave popcorns in a bag. See? Salty and sweet. The kettle corn. They're the best.

Marie. Welcome to the conversation, Marie. Popcorn's overrated. Don't eat it. Me too. The corn in the teeth is the best. That's what I don't like about it. It's not my go-to.

And if you're grabbing handfuls of it and you get an unpopped kernel and then you go bite and it's just like. It's like a crap. Becca says, I have this really cool microwavable popcorn bowl that you put the loose kernels into like on a stovetop, but way faster. I love it. It's called Le Cre.

L-E-K-U-E with a mokong. Oh, and so do you have to put oil in or butter? You must have to. Le Kueh bread maker, Le Kueh microwave grill, Le Kueh egg poacher. Oh, so it just does a whole bunch of stuff. Is that like a brand? Is it like that bougie? Le Kueh popcorn.

Okay. It's got a little lid on it. It's just a container. It looks like a steamer. Collapsible silicon microwave popcorn. Okay. It's got a little lid on it. It's just a container. It looks like a steamer. Collapsible silicon microwave pop... What? $55 on Trade Me On. $90 at Home Loft NZ. I don't...

Get a bag of chips. You could literally buy loads of popcorn, microwavable popcorn bags for that. You could earn so many Pringles chips for that. Yeah. Georgia says, I've got my microwave popcorn timing down to a fine art. Two minutes, 25

seconds. God forbid my microwave should ever need replacing. I'm going to need to work out a new microwave. Oh, that's the pits, isn't it? Should be a global standard. Exactly. You know the EU. They need to get onto this. The microwave industry is all over the show. Yeah, they are. I don't use this term.

I've had enough. I don't use this term lightly. Higglety-pigglety. Oh, it is. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Couldn't agree with you more there, Vaughn, actually. I'm sorry.

That was harsh. Now, that's not a phrase you're allowed. Is that a phrase you're allowed to use? Because yesterday there was a phrase that we were using. A palaver. A palaver. A palaver is really bad. You can't say that. A palava. A palava. Palava's really bad. You can't say that.

A palava's got racist connotations. Higgity piggity. Higgity piggity. No, no, no. It's higgity piggity. Higgity piggity. From Donaldson's dairy. Higgity piggity from Donaldson's diggity.

Origins. Probably formed from a pig and the animal's suggestions of mess and disorder oh right so everything's we can use that it's speciest

but it's not racist as long as our pig listeners know that we're just having fun oh we're just having a little laugh it doesn't mean anything by it oh okay you can't even have a laugh

at a pig anymore ah so there you go today's silly little poem microwave winning by a mile play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley.

I feel like this was a recipe for disaster from the get-go. So a British backpacker found a Canadian backpacker online and they were like, well, I want to travel around Australia. Shall we split the cost of a camper van and go together? Two women, similar age. Now, the photo there, that looks like not a camper van as like a massive, like a Maui or Brits camper. It's like a juicy, like a little van.

Juicy rental with a little pop top. Yeah. So close quarters. Yeah. For sure. They didn't really know each other. They met online and they travelled to Australia. They were going for two and a half weeks down the east coast from Cairns to Sydney.

Oh, that's a long, jeez, that is a massive stretch. It's a massive distance. Yep. So one of them, the Brit, she was the designated driver because she was able to drive a manual vehicle, which it was when they got there. Disaster. That's another problem.

So then they met up, got the van, got in, and then things very quickly started to deteriorate. The Brit backpacker shared it all on social media. She was like, she used me as a chauffeur to get her around. And then when we'd get somewhere, she wouldn't want to like go and do anything. She'd just sit by the pool. And the whole idea was that I had a travel buddy. And then in the camper van, there was a little kitchen.

And like this chick's not doing her dishes. And I'm kind of like waiting on her hand and foot, doing all the cooking. And driving. Cooking and driving. And driving. Oh, okay. No, no, no, no. And then the final straw, she said, came when they started,

they had a big barney, a big bus stop, after they scraped the roof of their van. Not covered by insurance? Against a low pass. And they were arguing about who should pay for the damages because the Canadian one was saying, well, you're the driver. You're on the, you know, the rental agreement. This is your problem.

So they pulled into a campsite. This was in Brisbane, I believe, and pulled into a campsite and they sort of got out for a little bit and then the British backpacker just hopped into the van and drove off and left her there. And that's it. After having a very public row in this campsite, she was like, she's weird, man.

I'm kind of on the Brit side. Yeah, the Canadian sounds like a punnish, but we are only hearing one side of the story. We are. Yes, that's true. But also I feel like you should at least say, look, this is over. This isn't working. You get the bus. I'll continue with the van. But also I feel like you should at least say, look, this is over. This isn't working. You get the bus.

I'll continue with the van. I'll take you where you need to go if you want to get anywhere. She said, look, she made sure that she had money. Yeah. The Canadian had money. She knew she had money to get by. She made sure they weren't in one of their smaller destinations. She waited until they were in Brisbane.

Yeah. But she ditched. They were fighting too much and it just like was not working big call to do a big trip like that with someone you don't know i would never ever do this no i put just go on my own i mean people meet people meet other people like when you're traveling on the circuit and then you meet like-minded people when you're travelling, but if you arrange it before you go, you don't know what kind of traveller you are. Exactly. If you meet someone who just wants to sit by

the pool when you're also sitting by the pool, that's your vibe. But if you meet them out doing things. Yeah. Oh yeah, no, no. No, no, no. But finding a holiday is the worst. She'd planned it was like a dream holiday. Yeah.

And then she just fought the whole time. But then, like, you hear of couples doing this as well, and even friends that have known each other for a while that get into a travelling situation, and yeah, they're not compatible. Yeah. Someone wants to go on all the walks and explore everything and do as much as they can. Other people want to chill a bit more.

Travel is different. There's like Hayley and then there's travel Hayley. You know what I mean? And like when you see that side. What's travel Hayley like? I just mean it's different. Like you want to do different things or you want to do nothing suddenly, which is, you know, it's different to how you sort of run your daily life.

So if you go with your friends and you're like, oh. Travel Vaughan quite likes the idea of like stopping and looking at things. But Travel Fletch just wants to get to where he's going. Yeah. And Travel Sade is a little bit the same. Whereas I'm like, oh, this looks like a nice lookout. And there's a little sign saying like picnic table. I'd be like, this must have a good view.

I want to stop in there and have a little look around. The logging trucks will pass us again. Exactly. Yeah. And then you're stuck behind the truck again. This is what I hear. This is what you hear. This is what you hear. Yeah. Well, I want to hear your horror travel stories of when you was fighting. Why did you ever fight when you were travelling? Maybe it was with

a stranger or maybe it was with your partner. Even best friends. and has it led to like now you're not friends or you broke up on holiday maybe god and you gotta take that flight back and you sat next to each other oh oh you'd ask to get you'd ask to get moved surely oh yeah all right well has this i'm not taking you into the Kura Club. Has this happened before? 0800-DARLS-AT-M. We'll take your calls.

You can text as well, 9696. Did you get into a fight while you were travelling? How bad was it? Did it end a friendship? Or did you have to leave someone in Brisbane and drive off without them? Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Well, a couple of strangers met online, decided that they would road trip Australia together.

Yeah, and then they had big fights the whole time because one of them was lazy. Lazy as all hell. And then so the other one just got back into the van and drove off and ditched her in Brisbane. I'm sure she would have chucked out her backpack at least. Yeah. Surely. Yeah.

But we wanted to know, it's one of the worst parts of travelling when you're bickering and fighting and arguing, no matter who you're with. What was the fight you had while you were travelling? Felicity's called. This was with your brother, Felicity. Yeah. Yeah.

We were travelling to Thailand and Cambodia. We rented out a scooter. Yeah. And he's probably about double my wide. I'm quite a small girl. Yeah. And he asked if I wanted a turn driving it. And I was, yeah, of course I do.

But we didn't take into consideration the counterbalance of going around corners. Yeah. So, yeah, we hit a few hard corners and I tried to brake and I tried to lean into it and I tried to turn and nothing was really happening. Because of old anchor on the back. Yeah. And then, yeah, we just went through a bunch of terrain

and bushes and bumpy road until we just went down. And the bike was, like, facing the ground. My brother screams my name for me to get out. So I, like, crawl out and he's kind of stuck in there. And I'm looking at the license plate of the bike, looking back at me, and I'm like, Jesus. And then some, like, military people come from up north. Yeah, because we were like out in the middle of nowhere in Cambodia. So we were actually really lucky that there was some like

some random squad of people like around guarding somewhere and they came. I think they just wanted us out of that business, but they came and helped us. Then it kicked off. Yeah, when we went back to the hotel we were trying to discuss

who's like fault it was or like you know where we were from No that's never good you just gotta leave it in the ditch where

the scooter may have been We actually baby wiped that bike down and took it back Yeah No one knew the better It's weird that you didn't just use a towel

but baby wipes Why not Why not What Why not? What can't I do? You want a gentle cleansing. Yeah, you do. You don't want to make it rust without drying it out. Yeah, but you can't

disown your brother though, can you? No, no. Yeah, well, we stopped talking for a couple of days. I love it. I asked for my itinerary.

I was like, right then, give me my passport and itinerary. We kind of went on our own thing. I had a little fling with the bartender there. Call us back on Monday for where did you have a fling with a bartender? I will do.

Amazing. Brilliant. Felicity. Can I just ask, Felicity, was it just you and your brother on the trip? You weren't there with, like, your family? No, it was just me and my brother. I would never. He was 19 and I was 20.

I couldn't go away on a holiday with my brother. Oh, my God, I've been on a couple of holidays with my brother. Just your brother. Yeah. The amount of times that people asked us if we were together was absolutely insane. Oh, you guys should put a photo on siblings or dating. I would also never go on a scooter with my sibling where I had to sit that close and hold on to them.

No, that would be my way. I don't want to touch them. No offence. When I was on the back, I'd actually face the other way and hold on to the arse end. Dude, that is the most... When I see that happening, it freaks me out in no end. They're just going to lean forward and flip.

No, you're going to limp it on. No good. Felicity, thanks. You called Christy. When did you have a fight travelling? Good morning. How are we doing? Good morning.

Great, thank you. We're so good. We're so good. We're so good. I've been better. Ignore him. Vaughn's hurt himself doing push-ups. Before you give us your story, Christy, how are you?

I'm great, thank you. I'm on my way to the gym at the moment. What are we doing in the bod today? Working on the dumper or we're just doing cardio? I actually just turn up and get told what to do by my PC, which is great. You're gorgeous. Oh, yeah, good. Tell them you really want to emphasise the dump today.

Yeah, yeah. Let's get some arse work happening on the Friday, you know? I'll pass that on to him. Yeah, great. Okay, so when did you have a fight uh traveling so this was like early 2016 a group of four of us traveling around south america and the states about five weeks um and as the trip kind of went on we had a bit of tension with one of the guys in the group. Okay. Sexual or awkward? Definitely awkward.

Definitely no sexual tension. Just like, I don't even really remember what he was, really what the situation was. There were just like moments where we just weren't really on the same page. And it got to the point where we weren't really talking. Oh. And we were sitting in the airport in LA, and he was, like, way on the other side of the room

while we were waiting for this flight, just totally weren't talking to him. And we noticed that he had deleted us on Facebook, which was, like, only really Facebook at the time. But all of the photos from the trip had been on his camera and uploaded to his page. And he had just manually gone through and untagged us from every single photo from the whole trip.

Oh, my God. What a little bitch. Yeah, what a little bitch. What a little bitch. What are you doing on a little bitch? And did you ever talk to him again after this trip? Yeah, we actually did. It was really awkward for about a year.

But we're like childhood friends, so we figured it out. Oh, it's my little childhood friend, bitch. Yeah. Someone's thrown away decades of friendship. Yeah. So adorable. Yeah. So adorable.

Oh, wow. All online, all as well. Oh. Oh, wow. All online, all as well. Oh, good. But even the childhood friends and the age-old friends still fight on, it's nothing like travel, eh? No, it's really stressful. It really brings it out. You should always travel with someone before you marry them.

Yes. Yeah, Christy, thanks, Nicole. And hide a body. Meg, when did you have a fight on holiday? Oh, Meg? Oh, sorry, it's Monique. Monique. Monique.

Jared, wait a second, Monique. Wait a second, Monique. I think we can... Producer Jared, how did you get Meg out of Monique? I honestly don't know. You've made me look like... Monique. He's from Namibia.

You're being racist, Fletch. You are being racist, actually. He's from Namibia. Monique, racist, Fletch. You are being racist, actually. He's from Namibia. Monique, welcome to the show. English is his second language. He's never heard the name Monique before. No, I mean, Central Otago, it's close to Namibia. I can see how you can do it.

That is New Zealand's Namibia. Otago, the Namibia of New Zealand. I'm sorry, Monique, Sashmig. When did you find a holiday? So we were over in Disneyland with a group of friends for an event. Oh, what event? What event drew you to Disneyland? Oh, here we go.

We were going over to Las Vegas, to Viva Las Vegas, which is a big rockabilly festival. Oh, yeah, okay. Cool. You dress up in hot rod festivals and frilly dresses and 1950s hairstyles, do you? Yeah, that is correct. Yes. Wow. we're heavily involved

in the pin-up pageants. My husband's like a rockabilly guitarist, that type of thing. They love a polka dot. And Minnie Mouse. Yes, well, she's the queen of the rockabillies. Yeah. So our friends are like hardcore into Disney bounding. So all Disney bounding

to Disneyland and we just got in there and first thing you want in the morning, coffee. hardcore into Disney bounding. So all Disney bounding to Disneyland and we just got in there and first thing you want in the morning, coffee. And unfortunately my husband did not want to wait the hour in line at Starbucks to get me coffee so we just started having a first rate argument in front of our group of friends at the

happiest place on earth. I agree with them. Americans love queuing up for things. They are huge fan of dum-dums. They'll stand in lines all day. You love queuing up for things. They are huge. They're the dum-dums. They'll stand in lines all day. You've got to avoid the lines. And you've got to go to Starbucks because the coffee there is crap.

Oh, everywhere is. They don't know how to do coffee. Not like here in New Zealand where we're spoiled by McCafe. Oh, my God. Great coffee. Great coffee. Restomate coffee on the go. Restomate coffee on the go. You can't get go. Presto made coffee on the go.

You can't get that in America. You just can't. You just can't. Thank you for letting us just put in a subtle, seamless plug for the show sponsor there, Monique. There you go. Thank you so much. Monique, some messages in to finish up.

Some people who argued on holiday. He never swapped with me to let me sit in the window seat on the plane. Oh, okay. Yeah, because, oh, sorry, she, because she, this is about her sister, because she's alphabetically before me, so she'll always get the one by the window, the seat by the window. And that's, my sister and I always kick off arguing that way. Karen messaged in saying,

your generation doesn't know how bloody good it is. Started off like a Karen here. With a GPS, try navigating using old school maps overseas. Very true. Karen's not wrong. Karen's not wrong. Adam said, we had a good argument at the start of the holiday. If we had enough time for a beer before we had to be on the flight.

We definitely did, but apparently we had to be at the gate. Adam, as a man who has always rushed to the gate, I feel your pain. You're rushed to the gate by me. Everybody. Sproul and I like it. They say, your plane's boarding, and you're kind of like, okay, well, one more drink. Hayley, you're not a dilly-dally-er, though. I don't dilly-dally.

Vaughn has nearly started the offloading process so many times. I don't dilly-dally, but I go like, I want to get to the bar. I want to make use of it. I want to relax as much as I can. I don't want to be on the plane. I don't want to be on the line. No, I'm not lining up. I like to be personally invited onto a plane with my first and last name.

And then he's like, why is there no baggage space in the overhead bins? Yeah, hey! And then I just push it out of the way and I just put mine above my seat. Bron says it kicked off on our holiday because I couldn't find insurance information on my phone and my husband suggested I search insurance as a keyword in the email search. Well, heavens to Betsy. He's not wrong though, is he?

He's not wrong. He was offering a nice tip. He was mansplaining how the search function works. But she wasn't using the search function. I believe she may have tried it. Oh, really? Okay, right. Oh, my God.

I feel like arguing with you now. Ho, ho, ho. Ooh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Well, today, the 25th of November. Wow. Isn't that insane? The Christmas countdown,

29 days, 16 hours and 21 minutes. And in studio, very, very festive. So festive. I walked in this morning and I felt like a little girl. I gasped in the spirit of Christmas. I also felt like a little girl.

Yeah, you did. It was your little mini skirt you were wearing this morning. Thank you for noticing. That's cute and frilly. Well, we want to say thanks to the team at the Christmas Hire Co. You can go to their website, christmashire.co.nz, because they have come in and Christmified our studio with the most amazing tree.

The tree is beautiful. I've never seen it. And there's a giant gold reindeer. I want to ride it. What's it made of? We need to check with them if I can ride it. I want to hop on. It's like nearly as tall as the Christmas tree.

It's like the antlers come up to like two thirds, three quarters the height of the tree. And we've got the North Pole. And we've got the North Pole, yeah. Is that what that is? The Christmas tree. It makes perfect sense now, doesn't it? It does, yeah.

The Christmas tree, a bold colour theme. So lime green and like a magenta. Yeah, with a bit of black and gold on there as well. It's classic. It's elegant. It's beautiful. It's nice. It's really good.

It's classy. So good. It's upper crust. And good lights. It's just the eye. I could never do something like that myself. No, no. I was saying when I walked in, I was like, that is so elegant.

And when I decorate a Christmas tree, it always ends up looking a little trash. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're like, oh, damn it. Yes. Fantastic. Well, yeah, thank you very much to the people. You can find them on their socials as well.

Christmas Hire Co. Yes, thank you very much. To come in and do the actual, you know, make it look like Christmas properly. Does this get to stay here till Christmas? Yes! I can't wait to put gifts underneath for everyone. We're doing gifts, eh?

I believe. Let's move on. We're doing gifts? Let's move on. No. I've done enough gifts this year. What gifts have you done? We're always putting in money for something.

It's true. It's true. It's true. There's a recession coming. I'm just saying I haven't received a gift from you this year. You received a gift from all of us for your birthday. Oh yeah, I did. Thank you. But it was for my birthday. How rude. Can I say, no one's paid me back

for that yet. You're all in debt. Wow, that was expensive. No, I paid you. Yeah, we'll see. Show me the receipts, Richard. Show me the receipts. Actually, I think I still owe Carl Wayne some money. We're all in debt to each other endlessly.

Let's have some Christmas penetration reports. EJ messages in, Hutt City Council put up their Christmas lights on the streetlights. Oh, yeah, okay. That's serious.

The Hutt does Christmas. Yeah, that's serious. And the does Christmas. Yeah, that's serious. And the multiple countdowns have started playing carols on repeats. Don't freak out, but I think we're at 100%. EJ, I'll ask you to stay in your lane. Oh, you don't, EJ. You don't tell us the penetration level. That's our job.

Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you come here. Tash has been in touch. What's this question mark? Selling Christmas cookies on the side of the road must nearly be full penetration. I'd say, hey, Tash, stay in your lane. Yeah.

Tell us that it's at 100%. Don't tell us. But I want some of those cookies. Yeah, they're good. Cookie time. We've got so many flavors now. I know. And they're still making their staff, their sellers wear those punishing T-shirts.

Yeah, they're punishing. I feel so sorry for the staff. They really stand out, don't they? Yeah, they do. Hannah says, Vaughan, the Hamilton Christmas tree is going up in Garden Place. Surely this would indicate 100%. I would say, Hannah, shut your face. Thank you very much. Thank you very much for the report, Hannah.

You beautiful creature, but shut your mouth. Don't tell us the penetration level. That's not your job. Wendy says, Christmas penetration here on the Kapiti Coast, Pahutukawa and flower. Surely that's a sign we're at 100%. Wendy! Stay in your lane, Wendy.

But there is a lot of Pahutukawa. Oh, there's a lot of them starting to come out. Love them. Love them. Danielle says, surely 100% spotted a giant sandal at Havelock North New World. Hey, Danielle. Stay in your lane. Put a sock on it.

You need to put your indicator on. Yeah. And get in your own lane. Get back in your own lane. Napier City, it's starting to look a lot like Christmas. And Napier CBD, that's somebody's screencapped it from Napier's. I was about to tell them to stay in their lane. Then I remember it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

It's a well-established phrase before we started doing this segment. I was going to say, you can't use the segment name. Stay in your lane. Danielle says, Christmas penetration in Edinburgh is very high. Look at all these Christmas lights. They're moved on from just being across the street. They're now on the lampposts. Well, ladies and gentlemen, if you're a long time listener to the show,

you'll realise by now and in previous years, 100% was when the giant, winky, fingering Santa went up on the side of the building on Queen Street. He wiggled his finger. That's why I said fingering. They took the wiggly finger away. They took that away many years ago. He lives in Wanaka and I believe his face is on the side of the toy museum.

It is, yeah. But with all of this in mind, on today, the 25th of November, 2022, Christmas Penetration. Dust off the vocal cords, Mariah. Right now, Christmas Penetration is Dust off the vocal cords, Mariah. Right now, Christmas penetration is at... 100%. We made it. We made it. Play.

ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Well, happy Black Friday. A lot of Black Friday sales today. Yeah. They've started over a week ago, to be honest. They last around. They've got Cyber Monday. Even earlier, I feel like every Friday in November has been some kind of pre-Black

Friday sale. I am utilising it, and it has not gone unnoticed at home. That's all I'll say. Yeah. But he was happy when I came home yesterday, clinkity-dinkity, through the door. This is your fiancé? This is my fian fiance, Aaron.

He was like, why do you buy so much wine? Because you found a deal, actually. I found it. Well, we were talking about Prosecco yesterday on the show because the Italians want to trademark, they want to do what champagne does. Yeah, you can't call it Prosecco unless it's from this Prosecco village,

but then that's BS because the grape came before the village. So I was Googling because I was like, well, I've got a favourite Prosecco, Magoto, and I was like, I wonder if that's from Prosecco. It's not.

No, it's not. But it's from Italy. Product of Italy. Product of Italy. And you love this Prosecco as well. Same. I love all Proseccos. I don't discriminate when it comes to Prosecco,

but this is one of my top three. I like it because it's a bit sweeter. Like, you know, some's a bit dry, some of it's a bit dry. I don't mind a dry. We were talking about it yesterday and perusing online there was a Black Friday special at one of these conglomerate supermarkets. Oh, okay. One of these supermarkets

that make some bajillion dollars a day. You're not saying which one? I'm not saying which one, no. Thank you very much for the bricks you got me, though. Bourne! There could be anybody! There could be anybody! Well, it's not New World, is it? I'm more of a stamp collector.

I want the glasses. Yeah, I know you do. I'm going for the glassware. Bourne! Because Hayley and I didn't, because it was super cheap, this Prosecco. So cheap. And so we're just like, well, you know,

there's summers coming up, all this drinking ahead. Yeah. Christmas, et cetera. We're like, well, let's put an order in. And we got a few bottles each. We got a dozen each. We got a few bottles each. We bought 24 bottles.

Wonderful. And so we go after the show yesterday, load up Hayley's Mazda. Mazda. The boot of the Mazda. With Prozzie. And then she drops me off and I'm like, hang on a second. Because some of them were in just like bottles and some were in boxes. So I grabbed a couple of boxes.

Because you had to go up the apartment stairs. Yeah. And then I was like, hang on a sec. There are 13 bottles left. A baker's dozen. Yeah, a baker's dozen. And I was like, hang on a sec. There are 13 bottles left. A baker's dozen. Yeah, a baker's dozen. And I was like, no, no, we only paid. And we worked out there's a free one.

We got a bonus. From this unknown supermarket. I've got it right here. Because when I got home and I took my 12 into the house, I thought, well, hang on. Who gets the bonus bottle? You put 25 in the trolley. No, it was an order.

It was a click and click. They put it in. Oh, they made... So this is a supermarket... No harm, no foul. This is a supermarket era. No harm, no foul. Innocent.

Innocent Eurona. Yeah, but Vaughan, you're going to have to decide who gets the bonus bot. Now, here's the facts. Fletch found it. Fletch found the deal. He ordered the deal On his card I paid him back instantly Okay

As I am wont to do Did he do the admin Of like doing the Yeah I did He did the admin Yeah I did the admin And then we got to the supermarket I went into the supermarket

Because I had to grab A couple of things So he even did the admin Of waiting for them To bring it out And put it in the cart I lifted all of them Into the heavy bottles

Into the car However I did drive us To the supermarket Very true And then drove us From the supermarket to the front door of his building. Correct. Correct.

There's the transport in question. I got all the loose bottles and he got the bottles in the boxes. So you can store them nicely. Okay. Well, well, well. She's absolutely even the playing field. She's swayed me in this court of law. Who gets it?

Who gets it? I think I would like to take the bottle just to keep things perfectly on the even steed. Steed? Steed. Even keel. It truly is the only fair way. Merry Christmas, Warren. Well, no, because he outed the supermarket.

So if they come after us, we can say he's actually stolen it. What if you gave it to Carwin because while you were mucking around on air, we were on air at the time as you were ordering, she was picking up the slack because you weren't concentrating on your job. No, we're not giving it to her. No, she doesn't do anything. What? What do you do, Carwen?

I don't know. Yeah, no, you were about to tell us, oh, guys, it's 0-1, you're running late. We have a problem to solve. You are running quite late, though. We'll just settle it now. Who do you think gets it? I mean, I love a Prosecco.

Yeah, I think Carwen gets it. Fine, Carwen can have it. Carwen's not having it. No, Carwen can have it. We can't not having it. No, Carwin can have it. We can't give it to Jared. He'll have one sip and he'll be like, I'm drunk. Everybody just wanted to know what brand of Prosecco you were talking about before. Can we say it?

That was what I was... Well, no, we're not giving them a free plug. Were they... No, but the Prosecco you can get from every supermarket. Oh, yeah. I wanted... It's Ruffino. Will they? No, but the Prosecco you can get from every supermarket. Oh, yeah. I wonder what's. It's Raffino. Raffino.

Raffino. Yeah. Okay. That's their Prosecco of choice. Raffino, if you're listening, do the right thing. Who does Raffino in New Zealand? Everyone. Call them out.

No, no, no, man. What brewery? What big alcohol company is bringing it? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Who imports it? It's a product of Italy.

Do the right thing. Well, I'd love to be in it. Do you know what I can get in the trash? Graham Norton's Prosecco. Oh, wow. She's taking swings of Italy. Do the right thing. Well, I'd love to be in it. Do you know what I can get in the trash? Graham Norton's Prosecco. Oh, wow. She's taking swings at Graham Norton now? Wow, really? Someone argue you're getting too big for your boots.

What's wrong with his Prosecco? It's yuck. Because he does a gin too, doesn't he? Yeah, his gin's good, but the Prosecco's not where it's at. In the bin. Yeah. Well, not in the bin, in the mouth. Who do you think I am?

She'll drink it. I'll force it down. If I must. If I have to. I don't think she'll purchase it. Yeah, right, okay. So Christmas today, we just had 100% Christmas penetration. It's a month away today.

So 25th of November. Everyone's probably got their plans into place, and a lot of the time it involves family, spending time seeing family. One in three people are absolutely dreading the holiday season because of the awkward conversations they have with family at Christmas. It's a polarising time, isn't it? It's not like you used to just have a bit of back and forth on it.

You've got kind of everybody's entrenched in their own teams now. So this comes out of Britain, but it's your typical eye-rolling questions like, when are you going to have a baby? When are you getting a girlfriend or a boyfriend? When have you found yourself a nice partner? Why aren't you married yet? Four in 10 people say that sex is the

topic of conversation they want to avoid most during the holidays. How hard is it to avoid that? Christmas to me is a sexless holiday. It's too much eating. It's hot, it's summer. I've eaten too much. I've drank too much.

Also, 31% don't want to discuss their love life. 29% don't want to discuss their love life. 29% don't want to discuss politics. No, not at Christmas. 28% don't want to discuss money. 15% don't want to discuss their career with friends and family. Oh, yeah. And of course, there'll be some family that you'll be allowed to invite over for Christmas this year because the vaccine mandate has dropped.

Well, here, one in five say they are sick of the topic of COVID-19. Oh, absolutely. They want people to leave that at the door for this Christmas. Yeah, right. Regardless if it's about vaccines or whatever. We're all over it, aren't we? Everybody's sick of it. But it doesn't mean it's gone away, as the case numbers are showing.

It's really popping in the last couple of weeks. It's gone crazy. No, we fixed it. So, I mean, i don't really have these conversations at christmas i did have one auntie who thought i was a heathen oh really because i do not live the life of jesus and where's she now probably at church i don't know all right okay excommunicated she made it sound like she'd gone away yeah well she's um she's she's sort of removed herself from the family from the heathens.

Oh, right. Let's say. Yeah, that's what religion is definitely all about, eh? Just coming out like a loved one. But there's not, you know, we don't really have awkward conversations at Christmas. I'm very close with my family. Yeah, right. So they don't really ask me that.

I mean, mum makes jokes about like, well, I have to get a dog this Christmas. I'm not getting any grandchildren. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, that would be on the list. It's part of the list. She's just joking. Well, we want to open up the phone lines now. My mum says to my nan,

you have to be careful what you say around Vaughan. Are you PC gone mad? I'm PC gone mad. Yeah, I'm a little bit mad. PC gone mad. I try my best. You can't say that anymore. No, you can't say that anymore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. Or they just say something and I go, like, oh, guys. Oh, yes, we must be careful what we say around Vaughan. We'll talk about the gollywogs when he leaves. Oh, yeah, they pack them up. They pack them up in a box. I had one as a girl.

It's not racist. It's sweet. Look how happy they are. Well, we want to open up the phone lines. 0800 DARS at M. 9696 to text. What awkward conversation are you dreading this holiday season? What do you always get?

Is it, when are you having the baby? Or like, maybe you're vegan at Christmas and every year you have to explain why. Or like, what you can eat. And they're like, it's fine. We made you a lovely cheese dish. And you're like, oh. I'm like, there's no like skinny, skinny jeans in my family. Like, most people have been.

Skinny jeans are out of fashion, bro. G-E-N-E-S. Oh, sorry. Because, you know, there's some people that go home and, like, people are like, ooh, heck. Put on a bit, haven't you? Oh, you're right. We don't get any of that.

We don't get that. I would be mortified if I had to go into that. Okay, give us a call. 0800-DARLS-AT-M 9696 to text. What chat are you just dreading this Christmas? I tell you what. This is the sound. Of us on the vent of New Zealand

just releasing a little pressure. Oh, good. People are venting and this is what this is for. So this study was out of the UK. People were greeting these conversations they were about to have at Christmas. Dreading.

Dreading, sorry. Yeah, a third of people are going, I'm not looking forward to Christmas because I know we're going to be bombarded in political conversation. Conversations about when you're going to have a baby, when you're going to find a nice girlfriend, when you've got your bloody boyfriend

stashed in a local motel nearby. People are not looking forward to it. 100%. One of the texts I read, I'm constantly asked, dreading, when am I going to settle down with a nice man? I'm the gayest lesbian in the village. Oh, yeah, right. So it's not happening. Yeah.

Is the Ford Ranger in the drive not a giveaway? The Ford Ranger in a... Yeah. Plaid shirt. Yeah, a couple of hunting dogs. Come on! So yeah, we want to know from you what conversations you're dreading having this Christmas.

I'm a roading engineer, sees this text. I hear all about the roads that I have no control over because they're not in my area, big, massive potholes. And then next breath, complaints about petrol taxes and rates. First of all, how do you think we have the fun

to fix these roads if no one's willing to pay for it? And this is coming from people who drive massive trucks for a living, the very things that destroy the roads. Good luck this Christmas. Good luck to you, roading engineer. I can see why people just want to stay at home. I can see how a nice quiet day at home. Just pour a nice strong

eggnog and take a deep breath. Super strong eggnog. Somebody said a conversation I'm looking forward to having this Christmas regards a gollywog. Because we just touched lightly on gollywogs before. Yeah. And how old people just

taking away their gollywogs is just a tantamount to a crime. My husband's mum got my baby a gollywog for Christmas last year. Oh, God. At the time, it was so awkward. But the problem is the baby loves it and takes it places. And I don't know how to get rid of it without the kid having a meltdown. And then I'm going to be asked about it.

Get a rabbit. Get a rabbit or something. Kids love baby rabbits. Distraction. Get another Bluey. And then incinerate it. Bluey it. Get a rabbit. Get a rabbit or something. Kids love baby rabbits. Get another Bluey. And then incinerate it. Get a little Australian dog. Get a Bluey. Sam, what conversations are you

not looking forward to this Christmas? So I took my boyfriend to Christmas last year and never really properly introduced him to my grandmother. Did she just think he was a nice young friend you had? I don't know.

She's pretty on to it. She's probably worked it out. But now we're engaged and I'm not quite, like, it's too far gone. Like, how do, everyone else in the family knows, how do I, like, announce that to her? Yeah. This is, how old is grandma? 92.

So you, no, don't worry about it. Don't you remember? You already told her. She must have forgotten. That happens at their age. Well, everything else has gone except the memory. She's very onto her sad feelings. Maybe she just convinced her that she didn't hear me

because she's quite deaf. Oh, yeah, because the hearing's gone. Yeah. If you get married within her lifetime, will she be invited to the big day? Oh, definitely. Yeah. Was she supportive? Have you heard some sort of homophobic stuff before from her?

No, she's very progressive. It's just like, yeah, like, why haven't we told her before? I think actions in these occasions, instead of explaining, actions speak louder than words. Just, like, tongue your fiancée in front of her. Oh, gross. I think actions in these occasions instead of explaining actions speak louder than words just like tongue tongue your fiance in front of her oh gross

you know give him a good pass oh Sam this isn't boding well for your future give him a good pass straight on the mouth yeah

and then she'll just get it pretty quick smart I wouldn't do that in front of anyone let alone my grandmother yeah well actually that might be the

straw that breaks the camel's back. You don't want to give her a heart attack, do you? No. Oh, well, good luck, Sam. I'm sure you'll be fine. She sounds cool. Yeah, well, she sounds progressive.

Thank you, Sam. Let's go to Logan. Logan, what are you dreading this holiday season? What combo? Good morning, team. Yeah, I volunteer for emergency services. Thank you for your services. Thank you for your service. Thank you.

Yeah, so every holiday period, I don't drink and I don't really party too much because I'm always on call. Yeah. And nobody seems to know. Why do you do it? Why do you don't get paid for it? You don't drink. You're never having fun.

Well, I'm always having fun, but... Oh, so people will hold you. Some people's idea of fun is getting drunk at Christmas for it. You don't drink. You're never having fun. Well, I'm always having fun, but I'm always going to be there for other people. Some people's idea of fun is getting drunk at Christmas, and Logan's is turning up to a four-car pile-up where, you know, there might possibly be a number of deaths. And we've all got different strokes. Oh, you've got to get your kick

somehow. They'd be the first to complain, though, if their house is burning down And nobody turned up And nobody would come, yeah Because the volunteers have all got drunk at Christmas Absolutely right But they do love a man in a uniform, that's for sure

Oh, yes they do Yep, yep, yep We certainly do Thanks, Logan Thank you for your call, some messages Thank you for your call and for your time And your service Your volunteering

Thank you, thank you I work for Xero And if I get asked any more accounting questions this Christmas, I'm possibly going to stab myself with my little fork. But also, what is the point of GSD? It seems circular, right? It's just circular. It never stops anywhere.

You give it to me, I give it to you, you give it back to the government, the government gives it to you. I just don't understand. The government has to give it back if I don't understand it. Speaking of the government, somebody said... But they also, they take all the tax out of your pay, but then sometimes you have to pay more or you get a refund.

Why is that? I know, yeah. Because you paid too much or you changed... Yeah, but then why don't to pay more or you get a refund. Why is that? Why not? Yeah. Because you paid too much or you changed. Yeah, but then why don't they just take the right amount, you know? Well, what do I have to do then? What are they getting paid for? I really don't want to upset the IOD.

You're poking the bear. This kind of along this line, somebody said, I'm really looking forward to how Jacinda's to blame for everything, not just in New Zealand, but worldwide. It seems like she is directly responsible for every single problem the world has. I love this when you're in a conversation and someone starts putting a very strong political opinion.

I'm always like, what do you think I am? Do you think I'm with you on this? This is wild. I feel like I scream green party. You scream, yeah, you do. You scream left of centre. I'm 41 and an only child, but I have 22 cousins. 22 cousins.

Oh, nice. Who all have kids. My mum every Christmas goes on about how lucky her brothers and sisters are to be grandparents. Well, she should have had more kids than that's on her mind. Other ones, how's the house build going? Keeping it under budget? How's the budget? Have you blown the budget?

That's the constant questions. The budget's blown. The budget was blown day one. I've been doing OnlyFans for the past two years, and I'm getting sick of the when are you going back to work chat. So I reckon this year I might rock on my nana and spill the beans that I'm not a stay-at-home mum. I'm getting sick of the when are you going back to work chat. So I reckon this year I might rock on my nana and spill the beans that I'm not a stay-at-home mum. I'm making porn.

And probably earning more money than a full-time job. Hell yeah, why not? I work at the ports of Auckland. If someone else asks me why their parcel was late, I'll stab them. Please don't.

Don't do that. This is your family. You throw a Christmas cracker at them. Yeah, you do. What did you do? Is it a question? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I've just ejected that thing.

I ejected the thing and it changed. I'm going to say we heard some sloppy work from you this week. It has been. Do you know, when we were chatting, we were having a good old catch up and you just let it play onto the ads and we were supposed to be taking some shots. You're sloppy. sloppy, best sloppy.

Fletch Vaughan and Hayley's Monday Maestros. Monday Maestros. Producer Carl Wayne last weekend set us the challenge of finding the most famous person we could. And Vaughan, you won with a Kevin Bacon. Yep. An absolute out of left field, a Kevin Bacon interview. With Jennifer Coolidge though. Wow, your friend pretending

to be Jennifer Coolidge. Carween, what's our Monday Maestro's homework this weekend? So to this week we are throwing it back to maybe intermediate, maybe primary school. I think I did it primary school. Murako, remember? With the magazines. Oh yes, yes, yes. We did that. I'll be writing that at primary school. Modarco. Remember? With the magazines? Oh yes, yes, yes.

We did that. I'll be writing that down for later. No, you are going to prepare a one to two minute report. Oral report on your hero. Oh, cute. I don't have a hero

though. Well, come up with one. I can be your hero, baby. It could be me if you'd like. Okay. You don't have a hero though we'll come up with one i can be a hero baby it could be me if you'd like okay you don't have a hero i don't know wow do you have a hero i've got many yeah well who who will you do a report on my old marching coach my mum my, my boyfriend, my You're just listing people in your life. Freddie Mercury. Plenty of heroes. Hero worship

over here. I don't worship false idols so mine of course will be on God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you were about to say myself. Okay, so in the style of an intermediate report. Yeah. Okay. Where you're giving a one to two minute speech on our hero.

Okay. My hero is my... Yeah. Yeah, I want it like that. Right. Hi, my name's Hayley and my hero is my mum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She makes good bikis and she gives me warm clothes to wear.

Everyone did their mum to get some brownie points, eh? Yeah, for sure. Can I just say on behalf of dads everywhere, do your dad. Nah, dads suck. Yeah, we're getting forgotten. Dads are heroes too. Yeah. Yeah, but mum does the mahi.

Good old mum, eh? Alright, well that's Monday Maestros. Join us Monday for our primary school reports on our heroes. Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley. Play ZM. I've never had a package stolen from my porch, I don't believe. How would I know? Yeah, I was going to say.

How would you know? Oh, my God, where's my stuff? No, a woman in the US took to social media. She was very upset. She said her parcels kept on going missing, despite the courier companies saying that they had been delivered. So then she was like, you know what? Someone's actively stealing these things.

She lives in an apartment, so they've got like a communal kind of, you know, mail area down the bottom. That's why, because I'm the same. they've got like a communal kind of, you know, male area down the bottom. That's why, because I'm the same, we've got a male area. Yeah. And there's a camera, but people can easily walk in and steal it. Yeah. So that's why I get everything delivered to work.

Fantastic. Which you're not meant to do, but I'm cute, so I get away with it. Yeah, you are cute. You are cute. Because Mark Rober, YouTuber, engineer, all-around good dude, he's famously made those packages that, like, when people stole them off us, he could track them, and then he was outside his house, he could, oof,

and it would just, like, glitter bomb. Oh, I love that. He's the glitter bomb guy. Is that the guy that built the squirrel course? Yes. Yeah, he's great. That's good. Well, she was like, I'm going like, I just want to make them stop,

but also let them know I'm on to them. So she got a box and filled it with stinky trash. Okay. And then put like a fake, you know, a dress label to her on it. And then added a note that says, stop stealing my packages, stealing makes you ugly. Oh wow, okay. And then she was like

felt really bad about it. This is the weird journey. I was like great, this is great. They get it and be like great, she's on to me. I see you. I'd say that. I see you. I'm watching you every moment of the day. But then she was like do you know what I'm going to do is I'm going to take out the trash and then I'm going to do Is I'm going to Take out the trash

And then I'm going to put Put in four one dollar bills Yeah And then put another note Saying here's some cash So you can get your own stuff Oh okay So she felt bad

Yeah She couldn't even stick to her Like revenge plan Her main thing If someone's stealing your parcels Yeah I'd be like Get them trashed Stuff it I'd get a ring cam It's her revenge plan. Her main thing. If someone's stealing your parcels, Yeah, I would be like, stuff it. I'd get a ring cam and then I'd post the footage.

Oh no, sorry, she's left the trash in. So it goes trash and then she went, I'll put in money as well. I was saying, buy your own shite. And then everyone's been going online saying, why are you putting money in? Yeah, and is there a follow-up? Has the package been sold? No, but the video's had over two million views.

Why wouldn't I put the money in? Yeah, don't put the money in. Have you got clothing? Yeah, I've inhaled my own spit. Oh, yeah, gone down the wrong hole. That's so attractive. It just sits in the back, doesn't it? Yeah, that's really attractive.

Everyone says you should have put Monopoly money in instead of real money. You can't buy anything with that other than... I love the glitter. But then the next time you go to play Monopoly, you're not going to have enough money. Yeah, I know. You're going to be short. Giving it to the thief next door. The glitter bomb idea is so great.

Can you buy those? He should sell them. He should sell them. He should sell the packs. Because they should rig up cars. You know, like the most stolen cars, like Aquas and Teeters. Yes. With glitter bombs. And then doors lock.

And then he could spray sprays and then the glitter goes off. So the glitter gets stuck to them. And it's all filmed for YouTube or our entertainment on a television show. I love that. That'd be such a great idea. TikTok voice of... I just love the TikTok voice Hayley does. Oh my god, I was just trying to steal this car and look what happened.

It's a bad financial year for everyone, isn't it? Oh, you wait for next year, mate. How about the Reserve Bank? Adrian Orban, like, yes, we've orchestrated a recession. I was like, that can't be right. Could you not do that, please? And then he's like, oh, yeah, no, no, no, it's to slow it down. And I kind of get it.

But then remember in recessions, it's always the people who are already suffering that seem to suffer more. Yeah. It seemed like you're just throwing a bunch of people on the fire. Oh, I know. I don't know, and I don't have the perfect answer, but when they said, yeah, we're orchestrating a recession, I was like, I thought we tried to avoid that.

I think it might be time soon for a Bad News Brad to get on top of all the simpho. I thought you were going to say, I think it's time soon for a revolution. Yes. That or Bad News Brad to come and explain what's happening. So bad year financially for a lot of people. A lot of people, you know, losing money everywhere

and house values are dropping. Think of poor Elon Musk. Oh, I know. Always at the top of my mind. Is he still the world's richest man? Well, I don't know. After this information, this year alone, 2022, he has lost $100 billion in his wealth.

$100 billion for the first time. He's lost that for many, many reasons. He spent $44 billion on Twitter. Which apparently was, what, $30 billion too much. Yeah, and it's just going so badly. So they've got it in Aussie dollars here on this website. So that's about $67 billion he paid for Twitter. We've all got carried away on a trade me auction.

Oh, same. Haven't we? Same, absolutely. The Tesla shares continue to plummet. They've dropped another 6.8%. Oh, why? But he sold a whole lot, didn't he? He sold a whole lot.

And they've had to recall a whole bunch of vehicles for faulty taillights and airbags for a while. So this year alone, he's lost $100 billion. And if you break that down, that's $300 million US a day. A day. That's so much money, isn't it? $300 million USD in NZ. Is it 500? Just under $500 million a day.

New Zealand. Gone from his wealth. Wow. Every single day this year. I mean, if you divide it, right? Like that? Yeah. I mean, he's got the money to lose.

He's still incredibly wealthy. But that's... Where does it go? You always hear about people like, he's got the money to lose. He's still incredibly wealthy. But where does it go? You always hear about people like, he's lost the money, but has somebody gathered it or is it just like this imaginary wealth that's evaporated? Yeah, the value of the stocks and everything. The value of his companies and whatnot is gone. Yeah, I mean, he's not like paying that and losing the money, but his future revenue is going to be a lot lower

than it has been. He's been firing people left and right centre. It's kind of fun to watch. About 4,000 jobs at Twitter. Yeah, I don't know if it's a New Zealander in me, but it's good to watch his downfall.

It's quite fun, isn't it? It's quite fun, yeah. He'll be back, though. Oh, of course he will. He needs to focus on the rockets and the cars, not the Twitter thing. Seems to focus on the rockets and the cars Not the Twitter thing It was good when the cars were the thing

Twitter just seems like Well he himself tweeted How to make a small fortune off social media Start with a large fortune I was like Yeah Just throwing it away Yeah

I don't know Something in it Yeah Well if you enjoyed that give us a rating and review and be sure to tell your mates. You know what? I reckon your script reading is getting better. Thank you.

I give it five stars. Yeah. Just like I'd give this podcast. I'm telling my friends about your script reading too. Thank you. Much like I'm going to do about this podcast. Thank you, Vaughan and Hayley, for that. Good boy. ZM's Flet you, Vaughan and Hayley, for that. Good boy.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.