ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 26th January 2023

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Try their refreshing McCafe iced coffee. It's available now at Macca's. I don't want to talk about this on the show because I felt it was too braggalicious, but I feel like we're amongst friends and family here.

I feel that too on the podcast. The podcast, I feel like you can say stuff. If you say it on air, there's too many people who might just be listening with a little bit of a, cut them too on the podcast. The podcast, I feel like you can say stuff. If you say it on air, there's too many people who might just be listening with a little bit of a cut them off of the knees. Yes.

Cut them down. Whereas the people listening here, they've chosen to be here. They're better people, aren't they? I don't want to say it. We can say it.

There's some people who listen to the show that are absolutely top notch folk. Yeah. But you get a lot of stragglers, a lot of complainers. Like people in a store and they're listening to the station but they donnotch folk. Yeah. But you get a lot of stragglers, a lot of complainers. Like people in a store and they're listening to the station,

but they don't choose to. Yeah, or someone that's in a different region to where they usually live and the radio, they're not familiar with frequency and they hit it and they just want to have a... Scrolling. Fuck, they were blah, blah, blah. Yeah.

But I feel like we're amongst friends here. Okay, well, what do you want to say? I am a model. Okay. Are you a model? I'm a model. I didn't mean to give that response because you are a handsome man. He's a handsome fella. A handsome man. A model? I'm a model I didn't mean to give that response Because you are a handsome man

He's a handsome fellow A handsome man A model I'm in a wedding I'm a groomsman Yes On the 11th of February What place in the line are you?

I don't know So it goes groom If it was by height I would be second Yeah But I don't know I don't know where I'm fine with it

I'm just honoured to be involved. Okay. Now, there was a suit situation in, I would say, late October. Okay. The groom settled in his suits at Barker's. Yeah. Oh, lovely suits. And said, everybody pop into your local Barker's.

And he said, whereabouts are your local Barker's? I gave them the Barker's. And he said, pop in there. They've got your name. And what kind of suit it is. Get fitted up. Were Dean and Mandy there? Dean and Mandy? there. They've got your name and what kind of suit it is. Get fitted up. Were Dean and Mandy there? Dean and Mandy?

No. Did they have anything to do? Lots of juice. There was a juice bottle sizing people up for suits. Okay. Of Geraldine. Yeah. Different Barkers.

So I went in in October, and I put on the suit, and it was tight in spots. Okay. And you'll remember, I may have talked about the fact I had to go up in size of pants just for the quads alone. Yeah. Real. You've done a lot of quad work, haven't you? You've been doing a lot of stepper as well.

No, I'm just heavy in the quads by default. Skinny in the calf, heavy in the quads. So that was in October, and I came out from that fitting, and I said, there's some work to do. And I said about bettering myself. And I went in for the final fitting yesterday. And I went in, put it all on, and I walked out. And the guy working there said, wow.

Wow. Wow. Okay. Wow. So it's a white shirt, a vest, a jacket, pants. I took in my RM Williams boots that I bought over the summer. Oh, that's hot. Because I bought theirs for this wedding.

Put the belt on and everything and he said, wow. When I walked out, I was like, what? And he's like, it fits perfectly. He's like, look, show me, pull open the jacket I pulled it up and he's like, vest is perfect. Shirt is almost tailored to you. Jeepers. Put the jacket on and he's

like, look at you go, look at the shoulders, look at the shoulders carrying the suit. Why? I know. And I was like, oh my gosh. Do you have a photo? Blush, I do have a photo. Please may I see? Do you think at this stage, are you thinking the same thing? Did this guy want to fuck Vaughn?

I think he wants to fuck Vaughn. But I just want to see the photo to see if I saw you in the suit and wanted to fuck you. I feel like I need a pocket watch. A pocket square or a pocket watch? Vaughn Smith. And then he said, let's check the pant length. Get the pants sitting where you want. Oh, Vaughn, that's absolutely embarrassing.

Should we all fuck? Let's go back to Barker's. And fuck. And get him to fuck as well. Get in there. Well, he seemed like he wanted to. He was first in. He had the charge.

He gave me the courage. I was expecting a navy blue suit in my mind. So it was right. You surprised me. It's grey and it's very nice. It's charcoal. It's very gentlemanly. He gave me the courage. I was expecting a navy blue suit in my mind. So it was great. You surprised me. It's great. It's very nice. It's charcoal. It's very gentlemanly.

Yeah, very gentlemanly. That is a good fit. No tie? No tie. I like that. I like that. No tie. I like a piece no tie.

The groom's wearing a tie, but all the grooms are no tie. Now, are you, the pressure's on because are you going to use this suit again for the wedding that we have to go to in May? Probably, because it's a, I think it's going to be quite a warm suit. Yes. So then I've got to keep it up. This is the issue though, is you've got to maintain. A yo-yo. Yeah, a yo-yo. Shit. Also this is a summer wedding and you're wearing a three piece grey suit. We're going to mount. I'd turn that suit black in seconds. Yeah, there might be

some sweat through. And then he went to check the length of the pant. Yeah. And he said, oh, my God. Perfect. Look at this. He's like, this is where we take it to. Yeah. Do you want it moved?

I was like, well, it doesn't need to be moved. He's like, no, it doesn't need to be moved. Are you happy with our length? But he feels like he needs to do something. And he's like, you are our model's dimensions. His words. Oh, my God. You are a Barker's model.

I definitely wanted to at least kiss you. Are you? He definitely wanted to. Did he check that it was fitting in the tush? Oh, and when he said pull the pants up to where they sit, I pulled them up and he leant back. Well, he has to look. I don't think that was perfect.

He has to check. No, but while he was back there, he enjoyed what he saw. Well, shit, I just walked to that store for like a million bucks. Yeah, right. Yeah. What's Sade going to wear on your arm? Lucky woman? Well, I don't know if she's got something, but I'll be bridal party.

She's not in the bridal party. Yeah, right. So we haven't color coordinated or anything. I hate to say it. She's a beautiful woman. She doesn't have to step it up. Yeah, yeah. She's going to be.

Yeah, wow. I'm casting a big shadow. Set the bar. I don't even know if you guys caught it. I am model dimensions Yeah Model dimensions Have you put that on LinkedIn?

I probably not yet There are model jobs on LinkedIn Yes You could put that on there Model dimensions Model dimensions Yeah just ask Barkers I know you ask the guy at Barkers

Yeah Because I'm model dimensions now Congratulations My ego's been out of control since Really yeah Out of control Someone looked at me and said Turn your head away fugly

That's what I said These are model dimensions Because I'm model dimensions here You wanna fuck this? Get in line Get in line Fuggo These are model dimensions

Thank you Sam Good morning Welcome to the show Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thursday. What's up, guys? The week's still going, isn't it? Yeah, it doesn't stop and then it just connects to the next one. And then you start the next one.

Yeah. Because there's this, like, Sunday, right? How fun is Sunday? Yeah. But it's attached to Monday? I prefer Saturday because you've had a sleep in and you get to stay up late. Whereas Friday you didn't get to sleep in, you get to stay up late. But Sunday

you get to sleep in but you don't get to stay up late. Saturday's the perfect day. And there's a lotto draw. And there is. And every time I could be a millionaire, you know. I know, but it's like a stinky four minute. Vaughan messaged me during our holidays. The supermarket right across the road, around the corner from my place, sold the big one.

Sold the $23.5 million one. The $23. Yeah. That's nuts. That is not only your local supermarket. That's my father-in-law's local supermarket. He is a chronic lotto buyer. Oh, you'd never know.

He wouldn't tell you, would he? When you saw it, were you a little bit like, huh? But then, no. Fletch was out of town and I said, where did you get your lot? I took it and he'd got it somewhere else this week. That means I could be shopping with someone that's like a 23 millionaire. Yeah. Do you know what? I reckon you might be shopping with someone that's a 23 millionaire anyway.

Down in Auckland CBD. They probably don't do their own shopping. They probably don't do their own night. If you're a 23 millionaire, you probably don't do your own shopping, eh? You don't shop at Countdown. No, I would because I don't do their own shopping. They probably don't do their own shopping. If you've got 23 million here, you probably don't do your own shopping, eh? You don't shop at Countdown. No, I would because I don't care how rich I was. I don't trust anyone else to pick my stone fruit or my bananas. Yeah, they'd get bruised.

Yeah, they don't. You know, when people order online, I see the staff picking up the fruit. They don't care. I wouldn't care. You just put them in the bag. Yeah. I assume you're sending your own personal shopper. You're not using Countdown's online shopper. No, I would't care. I wouldn't care. You just put them in the bag. Yeah. Oh, no, I assume you're sending your own personal shopper. You're not using Countdown's online shopper.

No, I would go myself. Even as a 23 millionaire? Even as a 23 millionaire. I like to, every fruit, I give it a firm, like the other day, I accidentally put my finger through a plum and I put it back. Don't put it back. Not for me. And then there's a little bin that you put those in.

No, there's no bin. There is a bin. I just put it in the back. I didn't see a bin. Oh, someone's going to bin that you put those in. No, there's no bin. There is a bin. I just put it in the back. I didn't see a bin. Well, someone's going to buy you a finger to plumb. That's the thing. If I was a 23 millionaire, my personal shopper would have just put that in the bag because I don't care. Little Jack Horner over here.

Yeah, I know. Man of the people. Man of the people. As a 23 millionaire, back in the supermarket picking your own plums. The whole time just saying, I'm a man of the people. I'm a man of the people. I'm a man of the people. Scanning your one card for the discounts. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you know I would. And when they scan it, like checking the computer to make sure that the sale price came up and being like, oh, that's got a tag that says $15.99. Yeah. That says $17.99. And the staff are like, we literally sold you the winning $23 million ticket last week, sir. It's a point. I wish I had that.

My mum, we went on holiday with my parents for a few days to the Mount and there was like a little mailer and mum was like reading it and then she was like writing things down. I'm like, what are you writing now? She's like, things that are on special this week. Yeah. I'm like, so you buy things when, only she's like, oh yes, yes, yes, yes. You only buy

these and she started rattling off things she'll only buy when it's on special. Toothpaste, for example. Never buy toothpaste full price. Well, yeah, I'll only buy it when it's on special. Toothpaste, for example. Never buy toothpaste full price. Well, yeah, I'll only buy it when it's on special. I don't even know. I need toothpaste. I buy toothpaste and what a privileged position I realise that I'm sitting in. Deodorant's the other one because I buy like an expensive deodorant.

You know, one of the sport clinical protection because I'm a wet gal. You're a wet gal. And they're so expensive when they're not on sale. Yeah. How many of them do you buy when they're on sale? Because it's another thing. A mate of mine said he'll buy six. Yeah, I do that. Yeah, you're a bulk buy.

I'm a bulk buy. I love it. Yeah, you've got to get the discounts. You've got to get the discounts. Yeah, discount play must. So my mum did the quick math when I took them to Costco, which opened her eyes. Yeah.

She did the quick math on a six-pack of those Costco muffins. Have you seen the Costco muffins? Oh, gigantic. Jesus in Nazareth. They're about four muffins in one. They're more of a mini cake than they are a muffin. She did the quick math

on them versus a six pack of muffins that Sade gets for the girls' lunch. And she's like, you'd be better to buy a six pack of Costco muffins, freeze them,

cut them in four. I was like, mum! Oh my god. Who's got the time? She's not wrong. She's just, like, she is a money-saving machine, my mother. Yeah, it's good stuff.

Well, she went and did the dumb thing of having three kids in the 80s when interest rates were 22%. Yeah. Yeah, but houses were also $22,000. Yeah, I know. Yeah, they were. They certainly were. All right, coming up on the show, an emotional day yesterday.

The Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern. Yes. Leaving Parliament. Oh, leaving Parliament. Oh, don't. I don't want to talk about it. I need a moment. Why, Katie? We're labourists, aren't we? We're big lefties, aren't we? The mouthpiece of the left, aren't we?

I'm going to need a moment. But yeah, I've got the top six coming up to do with Jacinda's last day. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Guys, Paris Hilton, who I have gained a lot more respect for than I used to.

Oh, when she told the story about her boarding school and all the shit she went through. Oh my God, well she did that amazing docu-series with YouTube. Was that last year? Yeah, or the year before, like during lockdown.

Yeah. She did the cooking as well. Yeah, and she was like talking and in the docu-series. She was like, no, this is my real voice. I just like do this because it's like a performance. And everyone's like, oh, okay. She's actually pretty smart.

Anyway, she's a mummy now. Paracelton is mum. Mummy, mama, not sure what she's chosen. She announced yesterday on her Instagram via a very sweet little photo, you are already loved beyond words. And it's a picture of what I can only assume is Paris Hilton's hand, perfectly manicured, white nail polish,

and a little baby holding onto the thumb. Tiny. Yeah, they are tiny, aren't they, babies? The smallest versions of humans. They're the smallest. They're the smallest versions of humans. Absolutely, the smallest. They're the smallest versions of humans. Absolutely. The tiniest little thing I've ever seen.

But there's been some accusations flying that this is the most heavily photoshopped baby hand we've ever seen in our lives. Right. I mean, if you start with her hand, it's too, like the nail, no one's fingernails look like this. Okay.

Can you show me the photo? Do you have it in front of you? I do. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. So the baby's fingernails is like clawing around it and they're also perfectly manicured.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just looking at that now. That baby's four fingers don't fit on her nail. You look at your own nail and imagine how small your nail, how small that hand is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's not right. that's not right. That's not right. It looks like the front of a greeting card, you know, like a congratulations on your new baby. Yeah. Or some kind of Ann Geddes. But that is the tiniest of baby hands. Like, yeah, so the whole four fingers of the grip of the hand

fits to the first, just above the first bend in the knuckle. I'd imagine Paris Hilton doesn't have bigger hands than I. Oh, it might be. Yeah, maybe. No, I mean,

we don't know. I mean, the baby, it was IVF and surrogate was how the baby came to, into the world. Right. I mean, because there was, she was trying to create

a designer baby. Remember when you, you could choose the gender? Yeah. And she was trying to create a designer baby. Remember when you could choose the genie? Yeah. And she was hoping for a gal, I believe. I didn't know that. Right, so she got it. Yeah, well, if IVF, if you can, you know, you can, for good reasons, like eliminating deadly genes from the pool,

you can get rid of them. But can you choose not to have a dumb one? How do you do that? Yeah, you could go like, I want a hot one. Yeah, yeah. You can get rid of them. But can you choose not to have a dumb one? How do you do that? Yeah, you could go like, I want a hot one. Yeah, yeah. A bit of nature nurture there, I think. Right. Yeah, right.

You can do so much, but. Do you have to read to them or something? Yeah. I think you have to invest time and energy. God, they sound horrible, don't they? Do you? Sounds like so much time. Yeah, there's a fair bit of time involved if you want to do it right.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Now, school goes, school must start going back next week. Some schools go a little earlier. Remember the days when it was just all constant holidays? How great was that? No, you did like 10 weeks

and then you were like, bye. And primary school, it felt good. And then you got to high school and you got even more holidays. Yeah. And then when you're a senior, the minute the exams were done, you were just like, done, I'm on break. and then you got to high school and you got even more holidays. Yeah. And then when you're a senior, the minute the exams were done, you were just like, done, I'm on break.

And then you're at university. Yeah, February. Longer holidays. And then you go to work and they're like, legally you're entitled to four. And you're like, I beg your effing pardon? How dare you? You can have a sniffle five days this year.

Yeah. Pardon? What did you just say to me? And only once you've earned them up and accrued them. And you have to work here for a while before that. I hate this. And then you die. And that's life.

That's the life cycle of a human. Yes. You can see why some people are forever students. You know those students that are like on their third degree? No, I can't. I'm an academic. I can't. You're a forever student.

I can't. No, I can't either. I can't see why they are. As shit as four weeks holiday absolute max is a year, it's still better than being the one that people can't quite explain what you're doing. Yeah. Why are they still here? How many degrees do they have?

None. But $280,000 student loan. Okay. Well, April is the month. Well, yeah, school goes back. And then before you know it, it's April. And that's the first round of school holidays. Now, that's not the only thing happening in April.

Thanks to Easter, school holidays and Anzac Day, for the entire month of April, children will be only at school, including weekends, like when you add weekends into the mix, seven days. Ew. Oh, thanks, dear Jesus. Yeah, cheers, mate. There will only be seven days of Easter, of the entire, sorry,

it's the seven days of the entire month of April. Because there's Anzac Day as well, isn't there? Anzac Day. So what, they'll go back to school on the Monday after Easter? Yes. And then the next day will be Anzac? The next week and then two weeks. Right.

Yeah. That's a mess. There's a two-week break there. So Easter's at the start. And then it's two weeks. Then it's two weeks. Then they go back on Monday the 24th. Then it's Anzac Day the next day.

Right. What are you supposed to do with them? Send them to the parents? Yeah. Will they be going to the parents? Absolutely. For the entire Easter? Absolutely.

Absolutely. Oh, my gosh. Probably both. Probably right. Probably do a stint at my parents, stint at Sade's. Yeah, thank God. Pese a la resistance.

And April actually then becomes one of the good months. Nah, I say that. I'm very lucky my children are low maintenance and they don't start fires yet. Yet. No, not yet. It's always important to, whenever you're bragging

about your children, say yes. Because I didn't realise how expensive holiday programs were. Oh, hell yes. Because I was talking to my sister-in-law

who's got a school-aged kid. And I was like, oh, is Jackson in holiday programs? She was like, no. $50? No, so much. It was just childcare for the was like, no. Oh, how much? $50? No, so much.

It was just childcare for the whole day, basically. Yeah, right. Yeah. Except they're older, so they need to go out and do stuff. Right. Can't you just drop them at the mall or the pool? Give them $10 note? Yeah.

Archie Brothers? Sure. One of those, you know, one of those arcades. We used to just walk around. You know what I mean? Because I lived in a small sort of village. I was explaining over the holidays to... Small village.

I grew up... Like it was in the 1800s. In a small village. In a small village. In a quaint village. Yeah. Where the most dangerous thing was the old well. Yes.

Don't go near the well, children. Susie's falling down the well. She bonked her head. We never saw her again. I was explaining to somebody when we saw her phone box, we used to have a $5 Sir Edmund Hillary phone card if we were, and that was our only way of communicating with the home. Yeah.

And that was wild. You'd ring and be like, oh, I miss my bus. Yeah, you'd ring and be like, mum, we're catching the next bus back from Hamilton. And mum would be like, all right, what time's it due in Morrinsville? And then she'd come in and meet you there. But if you rung and no one was home and you had to get on that bus, you'd get to Morrinsville.

Then there was a lot of loitering in Morrinsville before she could be effed coming and getting you. Yeah. It was hard, guys. It was really hard. It was tough, yeah. We used our phones. Prior to that, before the pay phones.

We just would walk. They'd just walk, wouldn't they? In the 40s and 50s, did our grandparents just set our parents free? I think so, yeah. Free range. Best of luck out there. Like free range chickens. Yeah, good luck to you.

And then you get a letter from them one day saying that they decided to explore the world. I've joined the war. I just thought they were going to go down to the park for a look at the ducks. Oh, gosh. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. Hello there. It was, I thought, I thought when it was announced that February 7th was going to be the last day of Jacinda Ardern's prime ministerial post.

Yeah, she's just out of there, isn't she? Can't blame her. Cannot blame her. You don't want to stay a second longer. No, but out. We've got Chippy now. Yeah. Who's called Chippy because his name's Chris Hipkins, right?

Chip. Oh, right. Okay. Chip. Chippy. Right. He's not a builder. He's not a Chippy?

He's not a Chippy. Damn it, I've got some work to do. The former prime minister will still be an MP until April, because that's how long she has to stay as an MP to not trigger a by-election, because there's going to be an election later on this year anyway. Right. Yeah. Okay, well, that's nice.

Thanks for saving us some money. Cheers, babe. Doing some backbenching. Yeah, right. Doing some backbenching. So I've got the top six things Jacinda left in her office for chippy. Okay. It's today's top six.

Number six on the list, Clark singing Billy the Bass warmounted fish. He loved that. What happened now? Boop, boop, boop. All that. Take me to the river. Yes. Grandparents loved that singing fish, don't they?

Oh, God, you've got to have one. I love seeing the singing fish. Do you remember the dancing sunflower? Yes. Yes. And it was solar powered and it would dance And there was a dancing coke can or a coke bottle In the 80s

Do you reckon Vaughn might need a singing fish for his new shed? I think he does I think someone's got a birthday next month Why settle the singing fish? Get a stuffed marlin Get an entire like Taxidermy. Yeah, getting somebody, an engineer,

and you're like, okay, so this is the base model. Singing marlin. Is that what you're Googling? If they came in that size. Save that search. Billy the Bass. The cultural phenomenon, the big mouth Billy Bass, a novelty toy,

reached its peak frenzy during the 2000 holiday shopping season. 2000, I thought. Armed with a Mocean sensor, the animatronic large mouth bass could turn its head and sing Take Me to the River, Don't Worry, Be Happy to a startled passerby. God, we're not getting you this. There's one on Trade Me for $90.

What? It made $100 million in one year. Well, I can see why. You're telling me Lady Renovations in Central America isn't going to spend $90 on their best friend? Hell no. No, I mean, that is $45 each, but then plus shipping. I can think of way more fun ones.

We can get one for cheaper. We can get one at a garage sale. Diesel garage sale. Yeah, I love a garage sale. That was a garage sale. Number five on the list of the top six things Jacinda left in her office for Chippy. Three bottles of water. One's tap, one's just plain bottled water, and one's sparkling.

And that's all that Three Waters ever was. So far, I'm a little of that. Stop Three Waters! What's Three Waters ever was. So what's the big deal? Stop Three Waters! What's Three Waters? I don't know, but I don't bloody like the sound of it. Tap, spring or sparkling?

Yeah. Yeah. Sparkling, please. Yeah, sparkling. Always. No, always tap. Always tap. Always tap.

Because if you say sparkling, they're going to plonk a bottle of Antipodes on you and you're like, Oh yeah, that stuff's like $8,000. Oh, I know. It doesn't even have

any alcohol in it. Yeah. Has it got gin in it? No. Take it back and bring some gin in with it. Our number four on the list of the top six things

Jacinda left in her office for Chippy. The laptop that controls all the microchips that were in the vaccines. Oh, fantastic. It's good that somebody's got that. Yeah.

Yeah, it is good. And he's ready to activate us. Okay, great. What, just before the election to vote for him? Yeah. I'm not going to vote. Yeah. And just be ready to activate us. Okay, great. What, just before the election to vote for him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it.

I'm not going to vote. Yeah, and just be communists. But you won't have a choice once the chip kicks in. Nah, the chip kicks in, man. It's like Order 66. Star Wars. Yeah, okay. The clones, you know. Execute Order 66.

Kill the Jedis. The Jedis are traitors. That's us. We're the clones, baby. Will we know that it's clicked in? Nah, we'll just be voting. Nah, man. You'll think it's your own instincts.

Right, okay. But it's not. And then we'll be singing, you know, Take Me to the River? 1920s Russian work songs. Oh, right. Yes. As we scythe the wheat.

Oh, I was singing the second verse there. Oh, I went to bed. Sorry, I'm sorry. No, that was our bad. Got to brush up on our Russian words. You were all Russian sleepers. Number three on the list of the top six things Jacinda left in her office for Chippy. A big bag of carbon credits that were wrapped up in Christmas wrapping.

She was going to give that to the farmers for Christmas, but they were so mean that she didn't. Oh, that's fair enough. They were a bit mean. They were a bit mean. I understand. Jacinda's Stalin signs were a bit mean. They were a bit mean. I understand. Jacinda's Stalin signs were a bit much. They were a tad.

I mean, if you were farming under Stalin, it would have been a lot different. Yeah. A lot different. You write, if you'd written a sign that says, Stalin is Ardun, you'd have been in a gulag. Yeah. You know, if the boot was on the other,

you would have been very much in a Russian prison. That's right. Number two on the list of the top six things Jacinda left in her office for

Chippy, it was a painting, A Last Supper. Yeah. But it's all former great Labour leaders. Oh, yeah,

good idea. Who's in the middle? Was it Cindy or was it Helen? It was Michael Joseph Savage. Wartime, legendary wartime

Prime Minister Michael Joseph Savage. Right. Helen would. Legendary war time Prime Minister Michael Joseph Savage. Right. Helen would be just to the side. Helen's there. David Lange's on the other side. Yes. Was that a Muldoon? He's a national.

No, he's a national. No, David Lange. He's sort of. Lange was. I can smell the uranium on your breath. He sort of talked long. He was a big boy. Yeah.

Big boy. And number one on the list of the top. He was a big boy. Yeah. Big boy. And number one on the list of the top six things Jacinda left in her office for Chibi, it was a box. It was empty and the label on the outside

said, F's left to give. It was empty. You guys emptied it all. You guys used all the F's. Yeah. You happy with yourselves? Yeah, cool.

That's today's top six. You might have seen a while ago there was a story very similar to this. There was a woman who had brain surgery, and during the surgery she played the violin. Right. Because she was nervous that during the brain surgery she might wake up and forget how to play. Is that why?

Is that why they do it? Yeah. I just thought it was showing off. Look at me, my head's open. Fiddle it in. Poor people don't play the violin. I'm well to do and I'm getting brain surgery. But through that they realise that actually it's extremely helpful

and it's happened again. There is a man who is having a very, very complex brain surgery and he decided to play his own instrument. How long? Because brain surgery is a long time, right? Anybody else always just think of Lisa Simpson? Yes. Yes, someone's going to have to come along

and do a bloody good job to be the person I associate with this sound to overtake Lisa Simpson and Bleeding Gums Murphy. Would you want this as the... No. Doctor? I wouldn't. They're like, shut up. So, the doctor, Brogner,

says that it was in one of the most complex areas of the brain where the surgery was needed. It was nine hours, the surgery. Nine hours of that. You'd have to take a break, wouldn't you? Yeah, you'd have to change reeds. The reeds would get a crack in them because they've been so moist from your non-stop playing. Yeah, as well.

Yeah, you have to empty. You've got to, people like blow, you've got to empty them out with the saliva. Then have someone doing that maybe. Also, if you're going to play a saxophone song, there's only one saxophone song to play during. Of course. It's Jerry Rafferty's Baker Street, which you might not know from this song,

but you'll definitely. Yes, here we go. This part. But would they let the other members of the band in? They better. In the corner? Yeah.

There's a drummer in the corner and they're just drumming on the bed at the end of the thing. So apparently when the brains open, and they can do this, the saxophonist said that he felt tranquil while having this brain surgery and playing. Apparently you can see the brain like the areas of the brain that are being used so you're careful not to knock them or whatever.

Right. And then this is a way of not forgetting how to play for example the saxophone. Yeah. But what do people like say I was going to get brain surgery or do I just lay there for nine hours?

I don't have any skills. Imagine me. I'm the opposite end of the scale. Which of my talents would I want to keep? Yeah, singing. Could you do some stand-up? I could do some comedy. Well, let's try to work out what you'd do.

What do you do when you're relaxing? I don't know. Watch Netflix. Could I just watch Netflix? No, you've got to be dual. Yeah, you're just passively taking it in. What do you do? Like, if you've got 15 minutes to kill, what do you do?

I don't know. If you've got... What do you do? What do you do when, I don't know, the wife and the kids are around? Could he just be there going... I'd play with myself, probably. You don't want to lose that ability. You can't do that.

I feel like the one thing you need to be able to do on the other side of this thing, I'm like, I don't care if I never read again. Put the iPad right here. Because the guy said playing the saxophone is of the utmost importance to him. So that's the thing. Oh, wow. So you'd fiddle with yourself. Yeah. It's of the utmost importance. I'd have to make

some tough choices. You can't do that. And yeah, what would you do? You'd have to maybe you'd have to say Fletch Vaughan and Hayley ZM over and over again. And then just let you tell the time. Just constantly be updating them on the time. Okay. And the traffic.

The ability to see your time and work out that it's 12 minutes to 7. 12 minutes to 7. Yeah. Here's a song. Yeah. We've been a bit mean, haven't we? Yeah, a little bit. What about just being a good person for nine hours?

You don't want to lose that ability. Well, can't they just put you to sleep and you wake up? Yeah, you can. Oh, okay, I'll just do that option. But they say for brain surgery it's better to stay awake. Right. Yeah, I reckon

I could go a whole season of something. Well, if that's the only reason they don't go to sleep, if you get a concussion or get a heavy belt to the head, try to stay awake for as long as you can.

Yeah. Just so they can kind of monitor how you're going. It's a bit dark. We'll find you. You've got skills. You've got skills. We'll find you. You've got skills. You've got skills. We'll find something.

Listen to this transition. Oh, no. Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly little poe. Silly little poe.

It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. When crossing your legs, which leg goes on top of today's silly little pole? I guess this is the first because I'll change if one leg starts to get a bit numb. It gets numb. It gets numb. It gets a bit dead. But the first one you do, do you reckon that's, depends on if you're left or right-handed, if there's a correlation. Well, you're legged right-handed, so I always put my right leg on top when I cross.

It's the same with what you would kick a ball with would be your dominant leg. Yeah. Yeah, see, I'm a lefty. Yeah. But I think sports-wise, having not really kicked many balls, I'm right-legged. Because I sit on my left leg. So I guess my right leg would be the on-top leg. Yeah, right.

That kind of cross. You sit on your left leg so you're ready to go on your right. Yeah. It's the first one that hits the ground. When crossing your legs, which one is on top? 71% of people said right. 29% of people said left. Some feedback on this.

Okay. Josh, who regularly feeds back. Yeah, what's Josh got to say? Voted right because it's usually on top first, but I'm a fidgety little bugger, so I'll switch it back and forth. Yes, I've always said that about Josh, a fidgety little bugger. Fidgety little bugger. Fidgety little bugger.

Can't sit still. He's got ants in his pants. Rachel says, because you always leg away from the person you're sitting next to. And my side of the couch is the right side, so I feel like my leg on top is more related to where I usually sit on the couch more than anything else. Yeah, right. Jessica says, right on top just feels wrong. She's a left leg lady.

She's a left leg Lady She's a lefty Evie Both Because my legs get numb So I have to switch them around Get that Evie But we want to know Which one goes on top first

Left on top Yeah Evie Says Dylan And I can't figure out My brain can't figure out How to do it the other way Okay Yeah it's like doing a cartwheel

I tried to do a cartwheel last night. And I can only do it to the right, even though I'm a lefty. You're a grown adult now. You can't do cartwheels anymore. No, don't. You'll hurt yourself. Yeah, I learned that quickly. I tried to do it the other way, like, you know, the other way to the normal way.

You'll snap your neck. I just couldn't figure it out. No, I was like, what way do I face? You would lead it. Lead one way. Yeah. You'd become used to it. I've become too top-heavy. Lead one way? Yeah. You'd become used to it.

I've become too top heavy for a cartwheel. Yes. Or bottom. You'd be bottom heavy, wouldn't you? Regardless of one. There's a lot of weight there. If it's not perfectly balanced. Yeah. At some stage, it's going to be an uneven cartwheel.

It's a lot to get this dumper flying through the air, T. Yeah. No one else it gets going to stop it. Yeah. Oh, my God. I know. It's rocking. I'm left-handed and left-footed, says Brooke.

Okay. Tessa, I spent so long pondering this, and I think it's come down to who's in the room with you and what you want to angle away from. Yeah, because you do mirror people, don't you, when you sit next to them? Right, yeah. So if they leg away from you, you'll leg away from them. Are you mirroring me?

I'm mirroring you, yeah. I'm doing quite a formal hand. Are you mirroring me now, Vaughn? No, I was just trying to do something to make it look like I

wasn't mirroring anybody. Yeah, I said left because I'm just lying down as I read this and my left leg is on top but upon reflection

when I'm sitting in a chair it's actually right leg on top. Yeah, I reckon I go right first. Most people do. Switch it up, I'm sitting in a chair, it's actually right leg on top. Yeah, I reckon I go right first. Yeah. Most people do. Switch it up.

I'm bilexual. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I thought this was going to be better news, actually. So the... No, it is better news. Yeah, but we're still high. Every cloud has a sugary lining.

Okay. A delicious, deep-fried and batter a sugary lining. Okay. A delicious deep fried and battered silvery lining. Now, the obesity rates from around the world have been released. As a percentage of total adult population is how they're working out. And from a long time ago, we

were number three, right? Yeah. I think it went USA, Mexico. USA and Mexico were always back and forth within the top two. Yeah. But we've been solidly sitting at number three for years. Really? Yeah.

Did you not know that? No, I didn't know that. But also obesity is... Body mass index. Subjective. Because I've been listening to a podcast about the body mass index. Oh, it's cooked.

It is cooked. So cooked. You can take an all black. And they're morbidly obese. And they are counted as morbidly obese on the BMI. That's nuts. Take into account your bone structure, your muscle. I've got big bones.

I've got huge bones. Your muscle versus fat. Like what your weight is made up of. I'm all muscle. Have you seen? I'm strict muscle. Yeah. I'm full muscle. Yeah. And just I'm strict muscle. I'm full muscle. And just the juice in the right places.

That's what you want, your juice. Yeah, the BMI is copped. So the way they work out obesity and morbid obesity and all that kind of stuff. They pinch your guts and you're like, hands off, bitch. Get off. You ask for the calipers at the gym, but when they pinch it, you don't want to. I've never had the pinchy ones. I've only ever had the body scan.

Oh, they've got scanners now, yeah. We just hold a rod. That was when you were a member of the Scientology church. You held the two divining rods and they told you if you had the good juice. Yeah, the good juice. Because they told you you were going to meet Tom Cruise. Yeah, I know. That's why you signed up.

And that hasn't happened yet. Okay, so at the top is America still. With 40% of their population being defined as obese. Now Chile has moved up. They're number two. Where have they come from? I don't know. 34.4.

So they're number two. That's in previous years because I don't remember. Because Mexico used to be number two but then the last time I was in Mexico, they banned salt on the table. You weren't allowed salt shakers. Salt's zero calories. Yeah, but I think it makes you hungry. No, but it makes you retain water.

Yeah, it makes you retain water. Water's not a problem. Maybe that's what we need to do. Yeah, but it makes you weigh more. But they're going about this the wrong way. They're banning salt. Not the stuff that actually makes you like. Well, I don't know.

They might have done other stuff as well. You need that Ida salt, baby. That was quite interesting. You'll get goiters. Yeah. So New Zealand, us, have dropped from third to fourth. So we've gotten skinnier. That's fantastic news, guys.

That's great. 32.2% of our population considered obese. Is it because we can't afford to eat? Honestly, the only things we can afford is like Cheezels. Cheezels. Cheezels and like off-brand sparkling grape flavoured cheese. Right, okay. Yeah, fruit and veg.

So who's right down the bottom? It's Japan, it's Korea. Japan, 4.2% of their... They're all sumo wrestlers. They're sumo wrestlers. It's a sport. They do it for the sport. Korea just above them.

And just above them, Italy. Now... What, the third least obese country? If I ate as much pasta as the Italians, you would know all about it. They invented all the good breads. I know. Focaccia, ciabatta, white toast.

I know. But I don't think they ate as much processed food. That's the thing. No, they don't. It's just like freshly made pasta with vegetables. My mum's the same. They spend, you know, a good portion of the year in Italy and she always comes back having lost weight.

And I'm like, why? And she's like, I don't know. She drinks a lot of wine though, right? I guess it's hot. Yeah. Boy, does she drink a lot of wine. Yeah. It's hot and you walk a lot.

Right. Yeah, but what about, okay, so just above Italy, Switzerland. Yeah. The home of Toblerone. Yeah. Don't tell me you don't have these Toblerones everywhere there. And then Norway. Home of cold cut meats and cheeses.

Don't they just primarily eat the fattiest meat they can because it's so cold there. Sweden, Netherlands, Austria. These are all cold countries. Maybe that's the trick. Yeah. Mexico. Warm. Chile's got high and cold parts. Did Mexico drop right down? No, Mexico. No, no, no. I just went back up to the top.

You just went back up to the top. I was going to say. Yeah. They're interesting stats because as I say, obesity. But it's, yeah, it's an interesting, they're interesting stats, because as I say, obesity is, it's not. The BMI is cooked, yeah. It's so cooked. Hey, but we'll take that win. Yeah, we'll take it.

We'll take it. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. Well, high demand for air travel is bad news for all of us here in little old New Zealand because airfares, international airfares, as news just came out late yesterday, 19%. They've risen 19%. Round it up to 20. That's terrible.

Just a quick rounding to 20%. So if you're booking airfares to, I don't know if you're going to plan a summer holiday, like a lot of Kiwis do the OE around June, July. Yeah. Or they do like a month or so to Europe summer. You want to be booking those airfares now. If you haven't already. You want to be booking them back in 2019 is when you wanted to book them.

Why? Because of the demand for travel and the capacity isn't there yet. Okay. So there aren't as many planes. Not fuel prices. And also there's a bit of that. This is what I always think. Why? You go, the capacity, right? Like there's not enough. So fill up your planes

and then be done with it. Don't charge so much. Also they've had years of making no money and they're clawing it back. Up the wazoo. And we want to travel. So people are paying it. People are paying insane airfares. And domestically, airfares went up 14% in the last three months.

I'm just going to look. Auckland to Rome, July 2023. Rome? I want to go to Rome. Can you go, where would you stop? Dubai and then Dubai, Rome? Yeah, or maybe through America or somewhere in Asia. Yeah.

Or the Middle East. So I had some friends that are going to like do some summer festivals and some summer holidays around June, July. Yeah. And one of them was like, oh, well, maybe I could come. And they had a look. And it was over school holidays. Yep.

And I think it was four and a half or three and a half to four and a half thousand economy return. To Europe? Yep. Yep. And I think it was four and a half, or three and a half to four and a half thousand economy return. To Europe? Yep. Oh. Oh. Oh no, the number keeps going up. Yeah. Yeah. Why does it keep going up? So 2,800, that's one way.

Yeah, that's a lot. That's Emirates, so that's nice, but. But still, that's, like, you would have got to Europe pre the pandemic for like, there were airfares for like, what, $1,500, $1,600 return? Yeah, there were some crazy times there. RIP those days. And also that flight that costs $2,800, it's going to take you 27 hours to get there.

Yeah, gotcha. Well, that's not too bad. It's Dubai. It's about $100 an hour. Auckland, Dubai, Dubai to Rome. When's Jetstar going to start doing European flights? When they start honouring the flights that they've already got. When they start bringing them from Bali and Europe to Australia.

Wasn't an American airline starting to come back here again? Yeah, so Delta is going to fly Auckland to LA at the end of the year, October. That's correct. Which will be good. Because LA is a good one because then if you're at JFK, is it JFK? Oh, so Delta is going to fly Auckland to LA at the end of the year. October. That's correct. Which will be good. Because LA is a good one. Because then if you're at JFK or no, LAX, then you can kind of fly anywhere. That's a good hub. That's a good one to get into. Texas is the best hub though, isn't it? Yeah. Isn't it? Houston is the best hub.

There's quite a few. But yeah, you want to be booking now if you're planning holidays anywhere, basically. Because it's not getting any cheaper. Yeah. I heard of this great little place. Okay. Venice.

You should go. It's really cool. Yeah. You should go. Not many people go there. I honestly thought you were about to say Bali. Nah, everyone knows about Bali. Bali's for the most basic of us all.

Is that why you went last year? Save some money. Take your kids. Just holiday here. Take your kids, drive out to the airport and then when you're on the way, give your kids a drink

of that stuff that makes them sleepy. Yeah. The antihistamine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Venegan? It makes them sleepy and then they fall asleep

and then when they wake up, you're checked into a South Auckland motel and just put some Mickey Mouse ears on them and say you were in Disneyland and they fell asleep.

And then take them to Rainbow's Inn. Yeah. Yeah, well, that's like $150. That's much cheaper than going to Disney. That's way cheaper. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. Consumer NZ. What do they do?

Sunscreen. They always come out and they're like. They always come out swinging in banana boats like, hey, hey, hey, hey. And they're like, I'm going to tell everybody banana boat. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. Banana boat's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. And they're like, I'm going to tell everybody banana boat. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. Banana boat's like, hey, we're out of here.

Well, some of them didn't have the SPF claimed in previous surveys. There you go. Studies, yes. So Consumer NZ, they put products, they review things, right, so that we can get the best. And then you can sign up to it, right? Isn't there a magazine? Didn't there used to be a magazine?

There used to be a magazine. It's all online now, yeah. So they test things and tell you how it performs and whether it's good or not. Which ones you should buy, basically. I remember last year they did the laundry liquids and the one I always use was like way down the list, so I changed.

Did you? They wield some power. They're very influential. Yeah. Yeah. So they have looked at saucepans. More. Now the saucepan is sort of a small pot.

Right? Sexy stuff at Consumer Eats. They're running out of things to test. It's not a stock pot. It's not a big old stock pot. It's not a pan. Like a medium. A saucepan is a medium pot that you boil.

Am I boiling my potatoes in a saucepan? Yeah, if you were doing sort of small potatoes. I feel like a saucepan would have lower walls because it's just used for making sauce. Is this what you would boil a couple of eggs in? It's definitely what you boil a couple of eggs in. Thank you. That's a great example.

So they were looking for the perfect pot to boil a couple of eggs in. You can also cook things predominantly sauce. That's why they call it a saucepan. Could you brown some onions in it? You could brown onions in it. I'd do that in a frying pan. Wait a minute. What are the onions going in?

A sauce. A sauce. If I was going to make a sauce, I'd probably make it in a cast iron frying pan. I use my wok pan for everything. But if you're reducing a sauce, like if you had a sticky sauce or something, you're reducing a sauce,

you're better to put it into a saucepan. Yeah. A wide open. No, a higher, higher. Anyway, they looked at saucepans. They put 13 saucepans all together. Yeah. From varying price ranges, designer and cheap, saucepans. They put 13 saucepans all together. Yeah. From very varying

price ranges, designer and cheap. Two came out on top. And the two pans with the highest scores had a whopping $246 price difference between them. The lower, the one that's $246 cheaper

than the other one, was the top pan. And that pan is from Kmart. Wow. It's uncle. Yeah. And that beat? That beat a saucepan by Esteele, which is very nice.

Sells at $270 for the pot. Is that how much one pan costs? That's how much one pan costs. And how much was the Kmart pan? $24. Oh, there you go then.? That's how much one pan costs. And how much was the Kmart pan? $24. Oh, there you go then. And it beat it. It beat it.

And I bet you any money in the world that those $240 pans are made in the same factory. Oh, probably. As the Kmart ones. They also look so similar. I mean, I look at the Esteele one and I'm like, yeah, it looks nice. That's a nicer looking pot. Like it's got more of a nicer design. Yeah.

And if you were a real foodie, sure, I get it. But so they tested how well and evenly the pan cooks, where the food sticks to it, and how long it takes to boil a litre of water. They also give consideration to the balance and weight of the saucepan, how comfortable the handle is, and how resistant it is to heat. And, of course, they take into consideration the price. Yeah, right. So at $24, the Kmart saucepan had a score of 90.

Right. Overall score of 90 out of 100. And what did the second place $240 pan have? 86. Wow, okay. So it beat it on water boiling speed. So the ANCO $24 pot. Probably thinner.

Probably thinner. That's pretty wide. Probably thinner. It's got shit metal on the bottom. Do you know what I mean? It's going to rapidly boil. And beat it quite a lot by ease of use. Wow, okay.

Saying the handle was slightly better. Well, there you go. Kmart for the win again. We're going to sell it out. We've done this before. We sold out a pair of pants. Now we're selling out this Kmart saucepan for $20. Will this work on my induction cooktop?

I don't know. What's it made of? It must be nice. It is. It must be nice. It is. It's a magnetic. It would work.

So induction is where when you take the pot off. It's an aluminum encapsulated base. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Aluminum won't work because it's not magnetic. Induction, it's got to be a magnetic cast iron work so you buy special induction pots. And then you can touch the element immediately.

You can touch the element straight away and it's not hot. That's nuts. You can put a paper towel between. You can put a paper towel between the pot and the stove while it's cooking and it won't burn the paper towel. How are you going to light your durries? How are you going to do spots? Well, you've got to get some magnetic knives.

You've got to get some magnetic knives. I've got my bloody spots and my durries, mate. Whack the bottom out of a Jim Beam bottle? Or do some dots? Australian Open is on at the moment. It's been a bit of controversy. There were some downpours yesterday, last night. Not as bad as our, the Aspect Classic.

I went to the tennis for the first time in my life. That's quite fun. Yeah, my mum was, they were driving up to come, my mum and dad, and my mum got food poisoning from a prawn cocktail. Oh my God. I love a prawn cocktail. How did she get to the 80s? They decided to just split the drive.

They're getting older now. They decided to split the drive and they stayed. Where's Matahoi? No, no, no, no. That's not there. Somewhere in the middle. Ohakuni. Oh, okay.

They had a shrimp cocktail in Ohakuni. I mean, this is them rolling the dice. You also couldn't be further from the ocean. Yeah, I know. That's why. That's what I'm saying. Patsy Ann Sprout, and she had a prawn cocktail, and she got food poisoning.

And then my mum said, I'm not going to the tennis. And I said, oh, my God, I'll finish up what I'm doing, and I'll go meet Dad at the tennis. I went. It's so fun. It's crazy, though, how quiet it is. Yeah. I walked in, and it was like party town, party town. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. And. Shh. I walked in and it was like party town,

party town. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And then I met my dad and I was like, da-da-da, and everyone was like, shh. And I sat in silence.

I didn't know what was happening the whole time. I just kept saying to my dad like, what does that mean? What's happening? What does that mean? What's happening now? Well, you were lucky to go.

A lot of that got rained off completely. What our second game did. Well, huge downpours last night and it's added to the controversy over the ball boys and girls at work. You know, and get the balls for the players because they were seen

mopping up the huge deluge at the Australian Tennis Open, just on their knees and hands with towels. Oh, I thought they wanted to have those big squeegee machines. No, they don't have, they didn't have machines and they've kind of become, they've been mocked about it because they don't have

a better way of cleaning up the rain other than child labour. And also the fact that some of these games go on, there was a game the other day that went until, was it 5am? Jesus.

And people were like, there's some ball kids there that are probably getting paid minimum wage or nothing or doing it for a fundraiser and you know they're there until 5

not getting home until 6am and they're doing that really cute thing kids do when they get tired where they go I mean adults

do it as well but it's way cuter when kids do it it looks a bit pathetic when adults do it but I thought could we talk this morning about those times

when you had a job as a kid and maybe it didn't pay that much? Because we've all been there. Producer Jazz just shot through Australian Open ball kids don't get paid at all. At all. US Open ball kids get $11 an hour. No tips.

$11 an hour. Because I would have thought when I was looking at the ball kids being like, I wonder what you're doing here. It feels like it would be like a tennis club fundraiser. Yeah, big tennis fans. You know, the club would get $1,000 and the kids do that. No, they go through insane training as well. Yeah.

Leading up to like the US Open. The way they did it with throwing the balls at people and then getting ready to throw another one and then they don't. I think it's just like a thing you just try to achieve. An honour. An honour rather than a job. Yeah. But yeah, like not getting paid

or getting paid like $11 an hour. I had a paper run as a kid and I think I made $3.75 a week from memory. And that was Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. That's not much. You break that down. That does not work out. It's not, no.

It was pretty- Like we just had to do like help dad like when he'd be building the house or just do stuff. When I was a teenager, my dad gave me a job cleaning his office because he owned a finance company. And so I cleaned his office and the toilets and stuff. How much did you get?

Did you get a dollar for that? Oh, no. Look at that face. She was very highly paid. How much did you get paid for that? Daddy made sure his daughter was well looked after. She's a NEPO baby. She's a NEPO baby.

She's a finance NEPO baby. I'm in the finance industry. What can I say? No, Dad paid me way too much to do that, and I did a terrible job. Right. Terrible job. And he probably thought he was, like,

instilling some kind of work ethic into you. Yeah, probably. Probably. Yeah. Well, we want to take some calls. 0800 dials at M. You can text as well, 9696. What was the grim job that you did to make money as a kid?

There'd be some farming kids listening. We did horrendous stuff that we didn't even think about until we met people who weren't farming kids and we were talking about what we did at the weekend. Like, oh, we home killed the pigs and our job was to scoop up all the guts that came out with the spade. Hey!

That is grim. Or shave a dead pig. You ever shaved a dead pig? I've seen that. No, that's not a euphemism. How do you shave a dead pig? What, do you want hair on your pork belly? That does sound like a good euphemism.

Shave a dead pig. Oh, let it go, mate. You're shaving a bloody dead pig there. Shave a dead pig with a half-blade. Well, yeah, what terrible job did you have to do as a kid? And maybe it was for no money or very little. Well, the Australian Open is on at the moment, and the ball boys, the ball girls, they don't get paid.

And they're having to work some very long hours. They're even having to mop up the rain with towels on their hands and knees. Degrading. And $11 for the US Open ball boys. And people are like, it's a bit ridiculous. It's like, come on, you can pay them. Yeah. It's got us onto the jobs that you did as a kid

that you may not have got much money or any money for doing and the horrible jobs that you were made to do. Yeah. Someone said, my job was to collect eggs from a battery hen farm and it was ghastly. Far out. Would that put you off eating chicken? Yeah, I reckon if you worked at a battery hen farm, you'd be a vegan.

Yeah. Surely. But they're gone now, eh? That's one of the reasons there's an egg shortage. Yeah, they're gone. Gone. Holly, what was the job you had to do as a kid? Well, we used to live on a big, big, big farm,

and so all of us kids would be made to go around the farm and pull out ragwort. Yeah. Do you know what ragwort is? You sure do. It's the yellow flower. It's not gorse, but it's the other yellow flower you see on. So it's a weed.

Really hard to pull out as well. Super rooty. Oh, okay. You've got to get them in the root too, otherwise it doesn't count. Yeah, you've got to get them before they flower and seed. Yeah, and then one time I went around the farm, pulled out as many as I could, got back to the house, and Mum and Dad were like, that's not ragwort, Holly.

And I didn't get paid. Were you pulling out the daisies? No, it's like a purple weed. I don't know what the other weed is. It was a nice kind of weed, Ellie. They shouldn't have been paying you for a weed. It's still a weed. How much were they paying you to do this?

Oh, it wasn't too bad. Maybe it was like 10 cents a ragwort, but we only had a little wheelbarrow, and you got around like this 400-acre farm. Yeah, you wheelbarrowed it. Yeah, right. You actually paid per trailer load behind the quad bike for thistles at my grandad's farm.

But you had to get the root or it didn't count. So you'd go through and do a root check. I just would have spayed it up a foot-by-foot hole and just chucked it on the trailer. Well, no, you can't do that. Why? That's why we're not of the farm people. You've left exposed dirt and the weeds love exposed dirt.

Oh, no, I've ruined the farm. You've got to root out the weeds love exposed dirt. Oh no! I've ruined the farm! You've got to root out the cat that scotched the zoo and then stomped the ground back around it so it can't re-establish. Thanks you, Coolholic. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. There's some grim jobs coming in, aren't there?

I told you, the minute you asked the farm kids to come in, they were asked to do as children. Thick and fast. Full force. I mean, if you thought the Australian you asked the farm kids to come in, I was asked to do it as children, thick and fast. I mean, if you thought the Australian Open ball kids not getting paid was hard labour and grim... They need to toughen up. You need to toughen up. Alicia, good morning.

Good morning. Now, what did you have to do as a kid on the farm? So we grew up on, like, we had heaps of sheep and stuff like that, and if they were triplets, some of them would die, so we had to collect them and throw them on the bonfire when they were dead. What?! We can't leave them out in the open, it'll attract predators. But why doesn't a little young Alicia have to do it?

Yeah, like, I would have been maybe 14 at the time. One of my sisters was about nine or 10, and she went to school and, like, for, like, I think it was, like, show and she went to school and like for like i think it was like show and tell but they were talking about um how she would just throw lambs on the bonfires and actually tell them that they were like old dead lambs yeah the reason you get kids to do that is they can lift them the light the yeah right that's great it's not nice but that's nature isn't it yeah right has it scarred you for life? No, no, it was just normal.

Still like lamb shanks? Oh, my God, I love lamb shanks. Who doesn't love lamb shanks? It's like a big sort of smooth, silky sauce. Alicia, thank you for your call. Mel, what grim job did you have to do as a kid for not much money? Morning, guys. Morning.

Probably when I was about 11 or 12, Dad put me on the farm down the road, and he used to take me down there, and he would find the dead sheep that were lying around, and he'd give me a sack. And I really hope he gave me some gloves, but I'm not. I can't remember. That part's hazy. Yeah, and I had to pluck the wool off the dead sheep.

What do you mean, pluck the wool off? Why do you do that? Well, when the sheep's died and starts to go off a bit, you can pull the wool out quite easily and then we just put it in the sack, took it to the wool merchant once we had a couple of sacks full. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Three bags full, sir.

The wool merchant would buy it and I got money. This is a while ago, though, because the price of wool is nothing now. It costs you to get a new sheep, Sean. Really? I think the price of wool was probably not much then either. I can't remember how much I got. Not a bit of pocket money. How do I know if my lovely woolen jumper is from a happy, alive, bouncing sheep

frolicking across a field or a dead sheep that some kids plucked? I think it's probably from a live sheep sheep frolicking across a field or a dead sheep that some kids plucked? I think it's probably from a live sheep these days. I don't think people do that job anymore. No, definitely not. Amazing, Mel. Thank you for your call.

Ella, what grim job did you have as a kid? Morning, guys. Good morning. So I worked at a funny little cafe when I was about 15. Okay. And obviously I was new, and so my kind of initiation in my job, because I was new, was to empty the fat buckets from the deep fryer.

How do you, where do you put it? Down the drain. No. No. Oh, how do you, where do you put it? Down the drain. No. No. Oh, no. It went into a plastic bag and then I had to drag it across the car. Jesus. Into a big kind of skip at the back.

Oh, what's that? It just went in the landfill. Oh, man, landfill must be so gross. No, because I think now they have like oil collection guys. You can smell it because when you're behind the truck that goes around collecting all the fast food oil, it smells real nice. Yeah. Did that put you off cafes and fast food?

It put me off. I don't think I ate hot chips for about three or four years. It's actually great because I can't stop eating hot chips. Maybe I need to get this job. Maybe you need to start cleaning out the deep fat. I need to go get a low-level cafe job. Yeah, and put you off chips. Thanks for your call.

Jamie, let's finish up. What was your grim job as a kid? My nan had a bird aviary as a kid. I was probably like eight years old. And we used to have to scrape the bird shit out of the little houses. Nice. One day I was using a flathead screwdriver, so I thought that would be way easier.

Yeah. And I didn't check the box properly, and I accidentally decapitated a baby bird. Jamie! Jamie! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh.

That's terrible. You decapitated a bird with a flathead screwdriver. Oh, my God. And you were eight. Did you cry? Yeah, I was shocked. I still haven't told Nana to this day. Oh, my God.

What did you do with this bird and its head? I tucked it in the wheelie bin. Oh, my God. What kind of bird was it? This is the part where she tells us it was a kakapo. Yeah. A kiwi. No, no, it was a kakapo. Yeah. A kiwi. No, no, it was a kakapo.

Oh. It's still cute. They're real cute. How much was Nan paying you to do this pooping scooping? Oh, I was doing it for free. Yeah, nothing. Oh, nothing. You're doing it for Nan and murdering her birds.

JV, thanks for your call. A couple of messages to finish up. Wow. A flathead screwdriver? What a way to go. I used to get my pocket money by killing possums. I was too young to use the poison. What's too young to use poison? You know, don't send him out there with the poison.

He'll eat some. I'm too young to use the poison, so I had to trap them and hit them on the head. I had my very own donghy stick. So too young, again, too young to use the poison, but not of the right age to beat an animal to death. Yeah, wow, okay. I apologise to our vegan

and vegetarian listeners this morning. And just meat-eating listeners that are upset as well. I had to do this. The childhood job was emptying the offal bucket into the offal hole. The offal hole was just this black well. I've heard about the offal hole. So gross.

My dad would chuck all the dead animals from the farm down there as well. I shone a torch down there and saw the eyes of an animal dead with rats running around it. I have never run home so fast in my life. Oh, wow. Still haunts me as an adult. Don't shine a torch. I'm so glad I didn't grow up on a farm.

All these jobs that farm kids had to do? No, thank you. I know. I'd vacuum my dad's corporate office every day over. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Sorry that you heard the tail end of that argument. Well, soon.

I always think, yeah, we could. Soon, somebody has a hack to deal with your iPhone or your smartphone photo library, which can get out of control. Yeah, but your hack, we've got a good hack. Your hack's shit. Well, your hack's terrible. We will discuss this soon.

Okay. Well, lately, my, I don't even know. I'm one of those weird parents that occasionally will just launch into my kids about tax. Because no one told me about tax growing up. No one told me about tax. And then the first time I got my paycheck, I had in my mind how much I was going to get. And then there wasn't that much.

I was like, what's happening? It's because you pay tax. And at the time, I was like, I'm being ripped off here. But now as an adult, I can see that we need tax to function as a society. Because remember that time as a kid, you used the hospital and drove on the roads. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the roads. I drink water out of a tap,

although at home I'm taking care of my own water, so I don't think I should be paying that. Why doesn't the Queen pay for that? Why do I have to pay for it? Well, she used to, because we used to give the money to the Queen and the Queen would pay for this. I'm saying we used to,

like I was around in the 1500s, but that was the deal. You paid the royal tax and the Queen was like, well, I'll put a road there for you or a bridge or whatever. So there was that. So every now and then I bore my children with, you know, we're driving on this road, kids,

and you know what paid for this tax and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so I thought- You're really indoctrinating them to lefties, aren't you? To be lefties. Well no I'm not saying I'm telling them it's pro or it's being well spent or it's not just being thrown left right and centre and causing

massive inflation by this bloody Labour government. I can't wait to see it change. Get a man back in the country. Get a man back in control. Oh there is a man in control now. Get a bald man back in control. It's not even politically Get a man back in control. Oh, there is a man in control now. Get a bald man back in control. The bald or the better. It's not even politically, when I'm talking about tax,

I just want them to know that when they start getting paid for things, they're not going to get it all in their hand. Yeah, right. And then they spent some time with Sade's mum over summer and they came back with all these candles because Sade's mum bloody does everything. She's a crafty bastard. But a crafty bastard, but a crafty bastard

in the terms of actual crafts. She's into mosaic, tile mosaicing at the moment. She mosaiced? She made a Frida Kahlo one. Is it a wall-mounted tile? It's a wall-mounted tile mosaic. She can do anything.

So do you smash up the tiles? Smash up the tiles and then you get the colours you want and you put them into the shapes and you might have to chip a little if it's not exactly the shape you want. Would this be a bit of my cup of tea? The Frida. The Frida. I think so.

I've got some Frida glassware. Right. And a Frida pot. Why do white girls... I could commission an art. I could commission... Am I an art broker now? I could commission a piece.

I'll pay you a small slice of it. Yeah. Why do white girls love... Crafts girls love crafts and Frida Kahlo? Oh, Frida Kahlo. Because we wish we had a culture as rich as hers. Yeah. I answered that quite eloquently, actually. You did.

Really? You did. You really did. That was really impressive. That came from the soul, didn't it? Yeah. I thought it was the eyebrows. No, I've been avoiding that my whole life.

The monobrow. The joint. The thin. Well, she didn't have the laser hair removal, did she? No, she didn't. No, she had to if it wasn't what

she wanted to do. Exactly. No, exactly. Allies. God, yeah, allies. Allies. Absolutely. Your feminist energy

is like overwhelming. It's a one-way street and I want it to continue to be. We've had it too good for too long. We have. No, I have. You have.

You have. Sometimes I feel like one of the boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that from you. That's the energy I get coming back. It's my strong feminist energy. It's a two-straight. It's a two-you. boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that from you. That's the energy I get coming back. It's my strong feminine energy.

It's a two straight. It's a two. I'm getting a lot of masculine energy from you. Thank you. There's a lot of energy in this room. So when they came back with the candles, Indy said, that was fun. Yeah. And I want to buy the candle making thing.

So they immediately became 24-year-old white girls and started their own candle company. They've got a side hustle. Yeah. From primary school. Yeah. Now what kind of candles are we talking like your bougie in a glass? They're in a glass. They've got a side hustle from primary school. Yeah. Now, what kind of candles are we talking like your bougie in a glass? They're in a glass.

They're in a glass jar. They picked out the glass jars. We found glass jars online and they picked the ones they wanted, like a frosted glass jar. They've gone frosted, have they? Yeah. I would have gone brown. Brown?

Oh, like an amber glass. You know, like an amber glass. Because then I could have been knocking back Lion Reds left, right and centre and then they knocked the top off them and smoothed them. No, you've got to get a proper amber brown glass. With some kind of like smoky, cinnamony, tobacco-y scent in it. Well, they could do that. They haven't gone for like a really masculine scent in their first round of scents. What are their scents? There's a sea salt and lime one that smells like really like clean and fresh.

I want to eat that. No, the one you want to eat. And every time I walk into the house and Indy's got one of these pots on the boil, I'm like. It's like a vanilla caramel. Oh, God help me. It smells like a cookie or something. Oh, my God. I had like a gingerbread one once and it just smells like baked gingerbread cookies.

They're making these candles and are they going to sell them? Yeah, they're going to sell them. So have they worked out their profit margins? Yeah, like Sade's been sitting down with them and yesterday we talked about the tax. Oh, right. And how much tax to be putting aside. So how much it costs wholesale. How much it costs to get all the stuff, how much it costs, like, they've got the thing,

and you, okay, you add those three things up. Yeah. There's a bit of maths in this. They've got to pay themselves. Well, no, no, they just get what's left. Wow. God, Akoya will be shitting their pants, won't they? Yeah.

Watch your back, Akoya. Watch your back. Here comes some. So how much do you make from a candle? Well, we haven't, like't Because that was the thing yesterday I had to go and buy a post bag Because if they're going to sell them to people They're going to post them

And we hadn't worked out what post is You can't put a candle in a bag Oh my god A line of eyes are already going off It's in a box The box will go in the bag Have they factored the cost of the box? The boxes have been purchased

Okay Have they got a sticker? Made the stickers Have they got some kind of puffy protection? That's what I said. I said, you need bubble wrap. Mason, we're one step ahead of you. No, but that's not good. They'll get cancelled for using plastic. You need to use like

shards of wood. Oh, that cornflower puff that disintegrates in water. That's like a packing peanut, eh? Good trick, eh? You'd be like, mate, this is a bit... Then you have to pretend it doesn't taste gross. I'd like to place an order.

How do I do so? Can I come by the shop? You can come by the shop. You can come and have a sniff. Well, you can bring them when you come over on Sunday. I have a little shop. Stop inviting us around on Sunday. We haven't confirmed.

I want to hang out. We're not confirmed on Sunday. Now I'm going to bring something. It feels like it's just becoming a bit of an arduous task. I want to invest in your children's new business. And so you haven't decided on a price yet? No, there's no price. But you can charge so much for a candle.

Yeah, but you can't charge too much for a candle. You charge between, what, $40 and $60, right? I'll pay more. Are they big candles? Do they burn for 50 hours? Are they like a big daddy accordion? I would say that'd be at least the wax equivalent of a... $40.

Yeah, I was... $35. I don't know. Also made by children. $20. I don't know, because candles are one of those things when I find out how much they cost, I go, what? I know.

Like that. That could be like $100. Some of them can be. Yeah, the bougie ones. Yeah, bougie ones with a nice glass. Okay, so what are these? I was honestly expecting this to be one of those things where everybody, I'll say it quietly. Yeah.

The females in my life get really into something and it costs me a lot of money and then they get out of it. They just abandon it. But then I'm stuck with it. Yeah, they abandon it. They abandon it. Okay. And then I'm like, let's get rid of this stuff. Okay.

We might go back to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I figured there was going to be that. But every day I get home, Indy's sitting in the kitchen on a stool watching this cup thing go melting wax. And then she does the pour and then she does the wax ties.

And so have they got a label or a design for it? Yeah. Who did the design? What's the name? I don't know. I think it's just Indy and August Candles. Just something simple. Right.

Right. Okay. I think we could work on that canned or something. It's something simple. Right. Right, okay. I think we could work on that. Smith Farm. Oh, Smith Farm. No, that sounds like organic eggs. Or like just a single word, like breeds. We should totally be doing eggs, by the way. We should have restocked chickens.

We should have restocked chickens before chickens. I thought about texting you when I went to supermarket and being like, got any eggs? Get a hundred chickens. Yes. That could be Smith hundred chickens. Yes. They could be Smith Farm chickens. I can't wait to have one of these cans

being in my house. Well, yeah. Are they going to general public sale soon? Yep. Okay. Now, if it burns my house down, who...

No, it comes... August wrote a warning note. Did she? What does it say? It says something like, um, just the safe way to never leave it unattended.

You've got to leave a centimetre at the bottom, don't you? Yeah, don't burn it right down. Don't burn it right down. Burn it around something. My dad will pay if your house burns down. No, dad's out. Dad's not covering your insurance policy or any sort of excess. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

We've got a hack to share. This is for your camera roll. Because I was thinking this recently. I was going through my camera roll looking for photos for something And I've got so many of those like double ups And photos that I'll just like never look at again You know even on holiday You take a photo and you're like and I'll never look at that again Take a photo of this scene

And never look at it again You in front of something and there's like 20 different photos Of different angles Because maybe you'll use one for Instagram Exactly Or it's you in front of something and there's like 20 different photos of different angles. Yeah. Because maybe you'll use one for Instagram. Exactly. And then now this hack is going off on TikTok and the likes. Because the job of skimming these photos down is overwhelming.

There's too many. I've got like 18,000 on my phone. Oh my God, that gives me so much. The way you do it is you... Do you have bubbles of unread emails and notifications on your phone? No, no, no, no, no. I'm not that much of a monster. Okay.

I've got 47,000 photos in my album. 47,000. No, no, no, no, no. I cannot, I'm not that person. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Meryl McLeod, baby. How do you find out? You go to albums.

Albums. So you go to albums and then click on albums. Oh, sorry, yeah. I've got 57,000. What? Yeah. No, no, no, no. Am I alone in doing this?

Because I will, like, I just got back from holiday and I've got no photos. This is what you were saying to us off air. I've got no photos on my phone because I just dumped them all onto my computer and my hard drive. And I just saved them, like all my holiday photos. They're on the cloud. They're not actually on my, we don't have 57,000 photos held on this phone. They're on the cloud. I know, but it's just, it's messy.

And then when I go to my phone, I've got the photos I want there. Ooh. What do you mean, ooh? You're a museum? Also, I don't want to pay for storage. What is that, $4 a month? It's a fricking desktop.

To have immediate access to memories, vital, crucial, beautiful memories. But they're there if I want them. I'm sure my like one terabyte Apple iCloud storage is like $1.29 a month. Right. Get a grip. I just hate having that many photos. Then if I want to find something, it's annoying.

Oh my God, I hate that. No, because then we might be going, oh my God, you're talking about something. I went there and then you search through and you can find it. Anyway, the hack is you're talking about something. I went there and then you search through and you can find it. Anyway, the hack is you go to the search. This is on an Apple iPhone. I'm sure you can do it another way. You go to the search button in your photos and you put in today's date,

Jan 26. Yeah. And then all the photos from Jan 26 come up from all the years on your phone and you just go through them and delete. So you just do it once a day. So you delete the ones that are double ups or that you don't want. Yeah. But see, I just do that

every now and again. I'll just skim through and just select a heap. Like screenshots of say a TV show I want to watch. I've seen it. Don't need that anymore. Just clean it out. You must have so much crap on your phone. Yeah. That's so much crap. Not one single so much crap on your phone. Yeah. That's so much crap. Not one single unread email or notification bubble.

Same. I won't have it. I won't stand for that. But I'll have 47,000 photos at my fingertips. Same. Yeah, I thought there might have been a correlation between people that don't clear notifications. Oh, I'm sure there is.

And hoarders of photos. No, just every now and then I just go through them. Not all of them. I'll just scroll back and be like. So if you do this every day for a year. You'll clean them out. But then it's just never ending because next year you'll have to start again. But you're only taking care of one

one year. Yeah, right. Maybe give it another 15 years and then spend a year doing it. Do it every couple of years. I can't believe you don't have any photos on your phone. I love on phones lots of people will know about this, but not everybody. You can literally go to search and type in something like cat.

And it will show you every photo that you've got with a cat in it. I do it all the time. Or when you've got a lot of photos. Sunset. Make an album of Hayley. Yeah. Or you go, sometimes I take photos of photos. And if you look, if you sometimes search on mine, photos, it shows me photos I've taken of the And if you look If you sometimes search on mine Photos

It shows me photos I've taken of the photos You're so clever You're so clever You're so clever phone Don't praise it Don't praise it directly Okay

I'm on its side When it takes over I'm on its side But I won't praise it directly Don't look it in the eye Not like it's a god Don't let it think it's a god Play

ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. I wish I had a vomeronasal organ. What's that? Vomeronasal. Vomeronasal organ. I love a good glass of vomeronasal. Vomeronasal, Argentinian's finest white grape wine.

Yes. No, it's the organ that a cat has that makes them enjoy catnip. I got some catnip when I went home for Christmas because mum grows it in the garden. Oh, yeah. Because she's got cats. As soon as I got home, my cat knew. I tell you what, I was on that Air New Zealand flight

smelling like a weed dealer. That stuff is pungent. It's a pungent scent. And the cat was a bit so-so about it. Yeah, my cat's not really into it. Either cats really love it and go crazy or they don't, right? Yeah. So the vermimoronasal organ is basically a sensing, smelling nose brain that lets cats

detect pheromones when other cats are on heat. So it detects that. Cats detect pheromones when other cats are on heat. Okay. So it detects that. But when you get the nipetalactone, Yes. which is the chemical in catnip into it, it has a mind-altering effect. Okay.

But it can only be processed through that organ. Right. Now, there's no ill effects to catnip. Yeah. No hangover. No hangover. It just wears off, and the cats are just like back to being a cat, baby. Wow.

But here's today's fact of the day, is that cats love olives. Because olives also have this neopetalactone. So will they eat them? Yeah, they'll play with them. They'll roll around with them. They'll chew on them. They'll sniff them. Olives? Like a fresh olive? Fresh green olive. They'll roll around with them. They'll chew on them. They'll sniff them. Olives.

Like a fresh olive or one that's- Fresh green olive. Okay, I'm going to buy a fresh green olive now. Stuffed? Pepper stuffed? No, no stuffing. Right, just fresh. What, do I have to get them off a tree? Where do you get those?

Do I have to go to Italy? Oh, okay. Well, you can't have them in the brine. Okay. Because we've got lots of olives for martinis. Yeah, but they're in like glass jars, right? I don't know where you would even get fresh olives from. There's an olive in an olive tree.

Do you? Bring one in. It's a little pot when it grows olives. I'd love to treat Murray. It's an olive tree in a pot, so it's more a decorative olive tree than it is a functioning olive tree. Nice olive trees, eh? They're nice.

They're nice. Very great shade trees in an olive tree. Yeah, like a Fijoa tree also. Under an olive tree At a vineyard Yeah That was by force though Wasn't it

No I wanted to Well the alcohol Someone said You need to go Sleep this off sir We're shutting soon Is this an olive tree Maybe I do have the organ

And it was because of the olives Yeah Silly Yes A little bit catnip That's what it'll be It'll be the olives Yeah Yeah. Silly. A little bit catnip. That's what it'll be. It'll be the olives.

Yeah. How many olives have I had? Sir, you have had two olives and 18 glasses of wine. I don't think it's the olives. So there's, yeah, today's fact of the day is cats love olives. Okay. So if you've got an olive tree, fresh olives and the cats kind of. They love a kiwi fruit root too. They love scratching up against that.

I remember the cats at home used to love a kiwi fruit. What are the trunk of a kiwi fruit vine? A vine, a vine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They bloody go crazy. They bloody love it. Do they? Do you love it today?

More maybe than Scott. Google that. Google why do cats like kiwi fruit vines. Cats love kiwi fruit vines. The kiwi fruit vine is of the same genus as silverine. Silverine is used as much the same way as catnip and elicits the same responses. The kiwi vine

shares some properties with the silver vine and the aroma of the vine can attract cats and that may lead to rubber or dig it up. That's why you'd be

no good as a kiwi fruit picker. You'd be sleeping under the kiwi fruit vine and I'd be like how many kiwi fruit vines did I scratch? And they said one sir

and you've had 18 glasses of wine. We are paying you to be here. I've got a problem with my hormone cat and organ. My hormone cat and organ. Sir, sir, sir, you're speaking gibberish. I'm not, I'm not.

There's a word for it. No, I'm a cat. I'm a cat. Turns out I'm a cat. So today's fact of the day is cats love olives and kiwi fruit vines. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM.

The Doomsday Clock. If you've never heard of the Doomsday Clock, it's not an actual clock, but it's just like, was it the 1960s? It came around when nuclear war was on the cards. The Cold War. The 1960s, the Cold War. And ever since, it's sort of like represented

how close we are to destroying ourselves. Yeah. Well, a few of us destroying all of us. Yeah. That sort of silliness. So it's 76 years, actually. 76 years it's been going. Okay.

So it's been going, yeah, since after the Second World War. And on Tuesday night, it was set to 90 seconds to midnight. Now, that's the closest it's ever been. Because when it hits midnight, this clock, it's, that's us. We're over. I like to think, you know, that when the nuclear missiles are flying and everybody's panicking or the asteroids coming or, you know, like the last bit of ice goes, and the Earth's like,

well, I'm going to get you now. Yeah. I like to think the people in charge of the doomsday clock are like, look at us. Quick, quick, quick. It's our last one. It's our last one. It's our last one. That's it.

That's midnight. Good night, everybody. While everybody's just running around in a wild frenzy. Aaron actually asked me the other day, we were having a drink, and he said, do you think we'll ever see something like the apocalypse in our lifetime? And I was like, what do you mean? He said, you know, something that just like ends the world.

Has he been watching The Last of Us? Oh my god. How good, that TV show, for a start. It's amazing. How good was the opening bit with the scientists in the 70s? So good. Saying like, in the 70s they were like, oh this could totally happen. And then it happens. But no one

had been listening for like 35 years. Yeah, well Aaron sort of feels like it might be in our lifetime. And I said no. And he's like, might be in our lifetime. And I said, no. And he's like, something that wipes out humanity. And I was like, well, COVID just happened. And a bloody good go. It had a good go, didn't it? But no, I don't think that we will.

But the doomsday clock might tell us otherwise. So it's moved 10 seconds forward. Wow. And it's due, they're saying, Russia's invasion of Ukraine, increased risk of nuclear escalation, as well as continued threats posed by climate crisis, They're saying Russia's invasion of Ukraine, increased risk of nuclear escalation, as well as continued threats posed by climate crisis, the breakdown of norms and institutions, and biological threats such as COVID-19. He laughed, otherwise he would have cried.

Yes, yes. But I want to take this to a- There's the tears, there's the tears. Just pausing for tears, pausing for tears. At least you won't have to pay off your mortgage. Oh my... Silver lining. Could the apocalypse just be banks?

Could we apocalypse the banks? But then what do you do with your property? You'd have to give it back to someone. No, no, no. I'd put a wall up around it and I'd go gun, gun. You're going to go gun, gun? I'll go gun, gun. Hands off my property!

So you're building a wall and you're getting guns. Okay. Hands off my property! Gun guns. So you're building a wall and you're getting guns. Yeah. Okay. Until the day where I need a little bit more and then I shoot the people next door and I build a wall around there as well and slowly expand.

And then one day I get to the point where I need a financial system because I've taken all the land, I need a financial system. So you make banks. I need to govern it. So I make a place where I put all my, I might call them vaults.

Okay, right. A place where I put all my wealth. Yeah, right. And. Okay, right. A place where I put all my wealth. Yeah, right. And then people who want wealth can borrow wealth, but then have to pay my wealth back with additional wealth. King Vaughn.

Generated. They'll call you King Vaughn. I can't see a problem with it. I shall kiss your feet, sir. I can't. This is not going to be a secular problem. No.

At all. But I want to take this to a personal level. Okay, the doomsday clock. Your doomsday clock. What's moving the doomsday clock. Your doomsday clock. What's moving your doomsday clock closer to midnight? What, like if something happened to you? No, if you've got something that's like just on your mind.

Right. Yeah, like you've got Baycorp on your tail. No, I paid it. I paid it. You've got another one coming because you missed the deadline. They add another one. So you're going to get another one. So your doomsday clock is now five seconds closer to midnight

because you're destroying, you're single-handedly destroying your credit rating. Yeah, okay. So your doomsday clock is right now ticking ever closer to doomsday clock because the petrol light's on and you're stuck in traffic. Yeah, right. And your doomsday clock has just gone one little tick closer to midnight. I want to know what right. And your doomsday clock has just ticked. Just gone one little tick closer to midnight. I want to know what's moving your personal doomsday clock.

Is there something weighing on your mind? All right. Maybe your in-laws are coming to stay. Oh, yeah. And it's not stopping. It's just the clock's just keeping on ticking, baby. 0800 Dials at MSN number. We want you to give us a call now.

You can text as well. 9696. What's moving your personal doomsday clock to midnight? Give us a call now. You can text as well. 9696. What's moving your personal doomsday clock to midnight? Give us a call. Well, the doomsday clock, the clock that tells us as a civilization how close we are to the end of the world. As we know it. As we know it.

It's now the closest it's ever been. And you can probably blame Russia and the climate for that. Don't blame Russia. Blame one Russian. Yes. Putin. Putin. Not the hot Russians that want to marry me.

I can't blame them. They've got a fine-tasted man. They are paid to say that. They want to get out of town. Yeah. Also, I think everyone gets those messages on Facebook. Well, do they? So we're talking about what's moving your personal doomsday clock towards midnight.

Yes. Now, Byron, good morning. What's moving your personal doomsday clock? Morning, team. Guys, last night, my partner, she made butter chicken for us. And today, it's completing its course. And the houses being released smell like the underworld. Wow. Anything, it is the end of days today. Yep. and the houses being released smell like the underworld.

Anything, it is the end of days today. Yeah, okay. Is it a home, interesting homemade butter chicken? Mm-hmm, with extra beans. Probably so. Beans, extra beans? Beans! Beans in the chicken? You don't put beans in a butter chicken.

It's a gassy enough dish, you're ready to be adding more fuel to the fire? I reckon she did it on purpose, to be honest. It's a gassy enough dish. You're ready to be adding more fuel to the fire? Shit, Byron. I reckon she did it on purpose, to be honest. Maybe she needs to clean you out. Have you got a half hour to spare today where this can be taken care of? Have we got an ETA? Yeah, I'm going to need it.

Do you have a St. John's Medialert bracelet just in case you fall, Jory? Good luck for that, Byron. Some text messages in. What is moving your personal do that, Byron. Text messages in. What is moving your personal doomsday clock? I'm a teacher. School starts next Wednesday. That's my personal doomsday clock. Ticking ever closer. Someone said our house goes unconditional in five days

and the bank has decided today to review our finance application at whether or not we're allowed to buy it. Oh my god. Oh my god. Wow. This is what I'm saying. Let's get it behind King Vaughn's land grab. I need an army.

Well, we cancel the banks and then we all join King Vaughn. Yes. And just take the land. We take the land. Right. Okay. So I think we saw ongoing problems with that. Yeah.

But okay. We'll wire them out as we go. Okay. Can't be worse than current, can it? No. Nope. Can't get much worse. It's going to be fun,

guys. You don't want to miss out. What's moving your personal doomsday clock? The doomsday clock for all of humanity is 10 seconds closer than

midnight with everything that's going on. I just got a tax return on the same day. I realised I've got two more days at my low 2% interest rate

on my mortgage. That's your... RIP, record low interest rate. It was a double day. People messaging about that, aren't they? Yeah, someone said my new rates on my mortgage are about to kick in. That's my doomsday clock. Yeah.

It's ticking ever closer. Someone says I'm a ginger and it's forecast for a week of temperatures over 26 degrees. Oh, doomsday. That's weird. That's worth at least 15 seconds. Yeah, weird. Where are these? I'm going there for the next week.

Is it going to be warm and wet? Warm and week. Is it going to be warm and wet? Warm and wet. It's going to be warm and wet. It's still going to be raining at Elton John. Did you bring in my waders? No. I'll bring them in. Just remind me to bring in the waders.

You've got only tomorrow to remember. I'll bring in the waders. It's a full on, if it's 26 degrees, you are going to melt in this. Yeah. Melt. And then like what happens when I need to go to the toilet? Because, you know, I love a... Oh, no, it flops down.

Just the pants come down. They don't have the braces. Oh, no, you need the braces. You need the braces. The braces are the whole thing. Oh, you know, it's not full fly fishing attire. It's just farming wet weather gear. Maybe I'll get a poncho from the $2 shop.

Should we go to hunting and fishing after? Oh, yuck. You might as well wear a shower curtain. I know. Especially if it's hot. And then it gets hot and then it gets cold and then you're yuck. You feel like a glad wrap sandwich. You know when a motel shower curtain touches your bum?

Oh, get off the motel shower curtain. Oh, when it touches, when it blows, it actually touches your bum? Yes. Yeah, not your legs, yuck. But when it gropes you, excuse me, sir, keep your wet, clammy hands to yourself. And if it touches your genitals or your breasticles, then burn them.

You've got to re-shower. Yeah. Always got a little bit of scummy mould around the bottom and she's got a soaked scum. We've all got our own doomsday clocks. Somebody else said, I've got to run 100 miles In three weeks time Why the hell would you do that?

Why would you do that? I don't know But they also then go to say I haven't run further than 102 kilometres since 2020 Oh you're screwed Why are you running so far? Yeah why

It sounds like they've signed up For one of those Uber marathons What are those Trail walkie things for charity? Oxfam 100 hour They would do that Don't they? Walkie talkies Things people things for charity? Oxfam, 100 hour walkie talkies. Things people do for charity.

Yeah, they do. They do a great job, don't they? Somebody said it's Christchurch is due for a week of 30 degree plus temperature. Let's do the show from there. Pop down there for a week. I'm going to Christchurch tomorrow. Is it going to be hot, is it? You're going to melt.

You've got a wedding, don't you? Somebody said my doomsday clock is spinning. Spinning towards midnight. As if my petrol light is on. I'm driving to work stuck in traffic and a number twos is knocking on the door. Far out. RIP.

RIP you. Hit by a shower curtain. If you want to borrow the Bissell spot cleaner, let me know. More than happy to lend that out to clean up the entire situation. Hey, remember how you just gave that Uber driver five stars because you wanted five stars back? Yes. Let's do that with this podcast.

Oh, yeah. Review it five stars, tell your friends, and we'll do the same for you if you ever need a review for anything. But where are you giving me my five stars? Well, I don't know. Do you own a restaurant or something? Yes. If you give us five stars on this podcast,

tell us where you would like your review and we'll review. We won't even go. We'll just review your thing. I don't want people to know where my restaurant is. I'm doing one of those secret restaurants.

Oh, I was going to say because that's exactly the opposite of how restaurants work.