ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 26th October 2022

Episode Date: October 25, 2022

Trend Alert!  Yummy Yummy!  Top 6: Police Chopper  Producer Carwen clicked InterestedIt's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas!  Max is back!  Producer Jared's going to Heaven  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Great barista made coffee on the go. I just went into the kitchen and got an old bottle of milk. It's filled up with water now. Now I'm not going to go to the gym with an obnoxiously large drink bottle.

This is because the squirty water in my car is empty. Oh, no. I hate that. I had a big bug on the way to work and then windscreen wipe and I just went smear. It's guts are all over your windscreen. It's guts. It's poop and it's guts and everything. Yeah, so I'm going to fill this up with water just to get me.

Do you put a bit of detergent? No. Not detergent. No, bugs off. Bug off. Bug off. Windscreen. The special windscreen stuff.

It's good. I don't put anything in mine. It's just straight water. Because if I was to ever have a crash and roll down a bank and I can't be saved, the only thing that's available to me is the water in my car. Some guy did that. He drank his radiator and it had antifreeze in it. He died?

He died. No, he did. This is in New Zealand. Oh, my God. I'm pretty sure that's what happened. I'm pretty sure that's what happened. What? Yeah.

That's why you just got to put water in. It does the same job. But then your radiator has to have the antifreeze in it, doesn't it? It has to have the stuff in it. Oh, I don't know. Marlborough driver survived crash but died after accidentally ingesting ethylene. What's the role? It's antifreeze used in cars. Yeah. That's awful. Oh, my God. That happened this year. a survived crash but died after accidentally ingesting ethylene gluverol, which is antifreeze used in cars. That's awful.

Oh my god, that happened this year! I remember reading it. That's terrible! Jeepers. Poor bugger! So that's why you, you know, that's why some people don't use, you know, blue loos because if there's an earthquake and you need to drink your cistern water Yeah, I've got water in my loo

Have you seen the water on a cistern? I know, I couldn't do it. Yes, you would if you were parched and you were about to die. You would drink your cistern water. Have you seen inside my cistern? It's manky. I've got a manky inside. Why am I so parched that there's no water?

Because there's been a civil defense emergency. I've got two huge water tanks outside. Oh, that's right. Vaughn's tapped into the earth. He's actually training him and Taylor Swift. She's private jetting. Vaughan's wasting water from the earth. I've got a 210-meter deep well.

Wow. 210 meters deep. Water gets sucked out of Mother Earth and straight into my tanks. But what if you go to get the water out of the tank, right, and then you find that a possum's died in there, and it's been, like, festering in the water? I tasted that sometime before now. Well, it's too late.

Too late. Now you've got to turn to the cistern. Does this water taste a little possum-y to you? Yuck. Gross. Oh, well, good luck with the car water. But then the cistern water would have the possum guts in it as well. Oh, that's for your toilet.

Oh, yeah, it would too. I've got two tanks. Does the other one have possum guts in it? No, that's got a dead hawk. Oh, God, how did it get in there? And it laid eggs in there. Why did it lay eggs in there? Maggots.

And it's got maggots. It's got maggots? All the eggs have maggots. Now you've got manky water like the rest of us. Good. Oh, man. Shame. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Late start time, 9pm. For the cricket. Yeah. Yeah. It was a cracker of a game the other night.

I watched that game. That was fantastic. Oh my God. Did you? With all the batting. Yeah. Who do you think performed the best? Both with the bat and the ball. The team in? Yeah. Who do you think performed the best? Both with the bat and the ball.

The team in the white. There was no team and they were playing in colours, isn't it? Oh, the brown. No. Black. Yeah. Our team. The New Zealand team.

The white. The black caps. Black caps. Yes, they performed the best. Of course. Beating Australia. Yeah, you love that game. Yeah.

Yeah. I actually recently got stuck in a lift with the Black Cats. Which one? Not stuck in a lift. We were going up. Well, when I was in Christchurch, I was there. And a lift opened and I saw Jimmy Neesham, who I know, and I said, Hey, mate.

And then the door closed. And then I got into another one. And I don't know. Did he not want you in his lift? It was too full with black cats. Oh right. Actually. That's the lift limit isn't it? Quite rude. So usually me and I'm just a damsel in distress on the ground floor.

I thought you wanted equal rights. Yeah that's true. That would be privilege. That would be, yeah. Anyway I got into another one and there was an older couple that was so stoked that we were in a lift with the Black Caps. Oh, really? And I was trying to play it cool. And then I did eventually say, I work in TV, which I think is embarrassing.

What did you say that for? Did you panic? No, because I said, oh, what are you here for? And he said, well, we just played someone. And I said, how'd you go? Pakistan. Pakistan. And he said, we lost.

And then I said, that's a bugger. And then I said, tell Jimmy Nisham I said, that's a bugger. And then I said, tell Jimmy Nisham I said hi. And he must have been like, who are you? Jimmy Nisham's a hot lover. Hot, yeah. You should have said a hot romance. Yeah, whenever Jimmy's in town, we hook up.

Send him down. Time to come down. Time to come down and meet his children. I've got a couple of little parcels of joy to introduce him down. Time to come down. Time to come down. Room 501. And meet his children. I've got a couple of little parcels of joy to introduce him to. Salacious rumors. Salacious rumors. Coming up on the show this morning, the top six. I think he'd be quite a tender lover. Okay.

Jimmy Nish, he's a beautiful soft boy. Big whacker with the back. Yeah. Hell of a fielder. Yeah. But I think he'd be a soft lover. A tender lover. He would be a good dad to my secret children.

Yeah. Right, okay. Have you seen him with his dog? No. He's got a Labrador. Or a Golden Retriever? Labrador, yeah. Very loving.

He's very tall, so I might be able to get away with saying that they're Aaron's kids. But he's fairer. Yeah. Okay, well, this just stopped. This is going to make it very awkward next time he's in. Yeah, it is going to make it awkward. Fantastic. Do I bring the kids in? I don't know. Yeah, well, this just stopped. This is going to make it very awkward next time he's in. Yeah, it is going to make it awkward. Fantastic. Do I bring the kids in?

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Coming up on the show, the top six. Yeah, Christchurch, I did not know, does not have a police helicopter, a full-time police helicopter. They like one. They borrow one from Hyerpool.

Yeah. And it's hard because the chase starts and they've got to fill out the paperwork. Even though they've got their details on, file it at Hyerpool, and it's actually's hard because the chase starts and they've got to fill out the paperwork. Even though they've got their details on, file at Hyerpool and it's actually really quick once you've got your details on.

File. I'm not a spokesperson for Hyerpool but I'm very open to being one. Yeah. They want their own helicopter so I've got the top six possible names

for this possible helicopter. Alright. You've got to have a cool name. I go in overtime. I hear it all the time. Yeah. Well, did you see those people stole cars in Thames?

Because I was in the Coromandel recently, and I drove from Thames to Auckland, and there was those people that stole a car from Thames and drove all the way to Auckland. Teenagers, eh? Yeah. And the chopper got them. Good.

You're not allowed to chase them that far. All right. I think the chopper should be one of those big I not allowed to chase him that far. All right. I think the chopper should be one of those big Iroquois that's got a hook on it. And if you're, they just swoop down and just pluck you out of the. They'd be amazing, yeah. With a big magnet on a rope. Oh, like from War of the Worlds. Yeah.

You know, those big sort of spokes come out and they suck you up. Yeah. Yeah. Fair call. Some of those. Yeah, fair call. If you're going to ram right. Get a couple of those up. Yeah. Yeah. Fair call. Some of those. Yeah, fair call. If you're going to ram right. Get a couple of those up, yeah.

You get sucked into a chopper. Next on the show, we've got a trend alert. A trend alert. You know me, I'm always breaking trends. And this is something actually I've had firsthand experience with. Right, this is a pet trend. A pet trend. All right, it's next.

Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Wow. Ring me a bell Trending alert Trending alert Now this is something of course TikTok has Sparked again And it's a pet trend

Okay What's the hot new pet? This is something Aaron grew up with Which is embarrassing And his parents had them until maybe only a couple of years ago when it was time to let them go. Decades. It was because Aaron's parents were both school teachers

and they had these new trending pets as classroom pets to teach kids how to look after animals. Tadpoles. Is it tadpoles? Close. Then your little, what's the next step along? Axolotls.

Oh. Ew, yuck. We had one in our classroom at primary school and it stunk so bad like I complained to, like as a little kid, complained to the headmaster.

I went over. Oh, wow. We only had two teachers. Yeah. So So you know Rural school Yeah but we had Oh yuck It was so gross

Yeah It was stinky And then a kid got sick So I'm sort of like You know Maybe it still happens But in the 80s It felt like every kid

Had bloody lepto Or we were just dropping All sorts of waterborne things And I said to the headmaster I think it's because Of the oxalotl. And the headmaster had just been like, look, what is this kid's problem with oxalotls? And then it was gone a little while later.

It was so yuck. It stunk. They're fish with legs and they're like see-through. They put me off anything in a tank. Turtles are the same. Someone had a turtle once and I walked in and it smelt and immediately took me back to staring at the ox a little. I'd be like, you've got no place being here.

Mexican walking fish. Yeah, they're gross. So stinky. So do you have to have a tank of water, but it can walk out of the water? Yeah, it's like a turtle's thing, right? It's amphibious, so it goes in and out. Yeah. Right.

They just had a tank. Like, their one never came out. Our experience, one never really came out of the water. But when they'd go away, you had to feed it. And to feed it, you'd have these frozen blood cubes. What? I know. They would make them?

You know, you'd buy them. Oh, well. And you'd get this little cube of blood, and you'd have to put your finger in, because they're, like, blind. They can't see. And you'd have to put your finger in and put the blood thing near its nose and mouth.

And then it would go like, and it would like nip your little finger. No. Yuck. They're gross. Stupid pet. So apparently they're everywhere on Minecraft. Yeah. And that's kind of sparked it to be popular on TikTok.

And then like pet shelters and stuff are blaming it because they're saying there's this huge spike in people having axolotls, but no idea how to look after them. Yeah. They're gross. Also on the pet thing at the moment, a lot of people in America and New Zealand as well, around the world with the cost of living going up,

are abandoning pets. Oh my God, I know. Because they have no idea like when they get a pet that it's going to cost money. Yeah. And last. They can last for ages. Yeah, I know. And so people, when they get a pet, that it's going to cost money. Yeah. And last, they can last for ages. Yeah, I know. And so people are finding that, you know, it's hard enough to feed themselves.

Yeah. So if you're thinking about getting a pet, whether it's an axolotl or a cat or a dog. Well, that's what they're saying. They're actually really complicated to own and care for. Yeah. Like the tank and how to look after them. People are just returning them and they're like, they're really hard to rehome because they're so ugly.

Can't you just pop them down a drain or into the sea? It's not a fish. What would eat them though? What's the natural predator? I feel like something at the zoo. You could just take it to the zoo and chuck it in there. Do you remember that story once about, was it the London

Zoo? When times got tough and they were like, bring us your cats and your dogs that you don't want. And people were bringing their cats and dogs. That would never happen now. And they'd just chuck them in the cage with like the predators. No. Shut up. I'm sure it was.

You know like, you know the SPCF, they can't get rid of the real mang, you know, the real yuck tabbies? Yeah. They just come out of there. Take them to the zoo. No. London Zoo feeding animals.

I'm going to have to adopt more. It's probably an urban legend or something that would have happened in the 80s. In the 18th century, visitors could pay an admission to the London Zoo by bringing a cat or a dog to feed the lions. In the 18th century? So the 1700s. Yeah. Okay. You could pay an admission to the London Zoo by bringing a cat or a dog to feed the lions. In the 18th century, so the 1700s. 18th century, yeah. Okay. You could pay for your trip.

It was a wild time back then. Yeah. It's dark. But not recently. You can't find anything just quickly. Oh, the natural predator of the oxalotl, storks and herons. I bloody love the grey heron.

I love a heron. Well, find a place where grey herons live. And just pop your axolotl on a rock. It's savage. It's savage, but it's nature. Well, it's not the circle of life because you stepped in. Yeah, human interference. It's stupid humans, man.

We interfere? We just need to step to our lane. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. This is a very, very sad story made slightly less sad by a really good gag. You know me, I love a good gag. There's never an inappropriate time

for a gag. Never. I've never found one. I've never found one yet. There's a gag for every occasion. Yeah, there really is. Even your own death. The best time for a gag. I've been thinking about this recently. I think I'm getting another one of those cysts on my hands.

We'll save that for later. I thought you were saying you've been thinking about death and it's related to the cyst on your hand. No. Oh, yeah, and bugger it. Anyway, it's just a... Anyway, so you just a – anyway, so remember a while ago and there was a guy in Ireland who died and he put a voiceover in his coffin

so that as it was going down, he was like, oh, I'm not dead, let me out, let me out, and everyone was laughing. And I was like, that's great. I want to do a gag when I die, Yeah. Probably from these cysts in my hands. Yeah. So, and I've always been thinking about like, what's a great gag that I could do when my time comes to leave people chuckling.

Okay. And here's another version for me, something that connects to my teenage soul as a witch. Yeah. Because grandma has made sure that everyone who got an invitation to her funeral, they open it up and inside is like a mini Ouija board. You know those ones? Why did you say it like that?

Ouija. Yeah, Ouija. I said Ouija. Ouija. Ouija. Like Fiji. Fiji. A Ouija board.

Ouija water. Ouija. Oh yeah, delicious. Delicious Ouija. Delicious water. Ouija Oh yeah delicious Delicious Ouija Delicious water It's the water It's the purest And it says in it

Is a photo of her Pulling the fingers like this And it says Let's keep in touch I like this Look at this Everyone got this little Card with a mini Ouija

Where is she from? She is from This feels very Irish as well For some reason She's British. Yeah, good sense of humour. Oh, no, beg your party. Beg your party.

She's from Texas. Oh. Yeah. Okay. I didn't ever beg as American because of, you know, the sense of humour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sense of humour. Not known for it, are they?

And the, you know, smack her in the face of religion there. Yeah. It is so great. She's got her tongue out in the photo, both middle fingers up, a Ouija board that says, goodbye, let's keep in touch. Well, ball's in your court now.

You've got to come up with something that's better than a voice recording in a coffin. What's a good gag? And a Ouija board. What's a good gag? Well, Vaughn's always maintained that he wants a spring-loaded system in a coffin. Oh, I see. You sit up.

And then point at just some random seat. I don't know who's going to sit up there. Hopefully a grandchild. And then a voiceover that says, I'm coming for you. Yeah, yeah. You. You will rue the day you. And then they'll never know.

I'm alive, I'm alive. Over the next, hopefully, many, many years, I'm going to be thinking about this. You've got a long time to think about it. Yeah, and I just want everyone to know who's going to outlive me and come to my funeral. There's going to be a gag. You'll be waiting for it, but it'll come. All right. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Yummy, yummy, yummy. In my tummy. It's so rich and good. Yummy, yummy. The segment where we dive into new food trends and new food releases. Whittaker's again. God, they don't. They only just did the hazella.

They don't sit still, do they? Mate, you've got to pay for Carlo Barn. You've got to sell some chocolate. Shoot, yeah. This is true. Billy Butcher don't sit still, do they? Mate, you've got to pay for Carlo Barn. You've got to sell some chocolate. Shoot, yeah. This is true. Billy Butcher don't come for free. I just feel like they did the oat chocolate and then literally a week later did Hazella.

Did you taste the oat? Yeah, the oat was... That was a miss. That was a swing. That was a swing. That was a swing and a miss. Even the vegans were a bit like... Took them back to the cow's teat, didn't it?

Yeah, straight back. Yeah, it's a rare miss. But I tell you what, Hazella is hard to find that. They're very popular. It's been flying off the shelves. Well, in time for Christmas, Whitaker's have announced a gingerbread block. Now, is this a block or a skinny block? I smashed a whole skinny block.

It's a block. That's equivalent to like one row of normal block. Black Doris plum one. I mean, they're real yum, those flavours, but there's not enough. There's not enough. Not enough. You need the block. It's a single set.

So it's going to be a block and it's going to be the classic creamy milk chocolate, which mixes spiced gingerbread pieces throughout. Have we had this before? I don't know. I don't this before? I don't know. I don't believe so. I don't remember it. And, of course, you'll have all the flavours. So it'll be like gingerbread.

Yeah. It'll be like the berries and biscuit, I'm guessing. But ginger biscuit and spicy. No berries. No berries? No berries, no. No berries. Just spices.

I'd like to see. Or some crystallised ginger flavour and golden syrup. I know a lady who makes chocolates. A Russian chocolatier. You know a Russian chocolatier? I shall speak no more of this. Oh, okay. A woman and her secrets.

But she makes different chocolates, you see. Okay. And one of them she let us have a sample of recently was a Christmas minince tart chocolate. Which I was like, what is this going to be like? But it wasn't fruit mints. It was like the stuff in Hazel.

It was a little Mince Pie. It was like the consistency of Hazel, but it tasted like fruit mints. Yum. It was legit. Yum. It was a praline. Huh? It was a mincey praline.

A moussey. A moussey. Am I a moussey mincey? Okay. Moussey mincey praline? Yum. It was, man, it was good. Yeah, right.

Okay. This is my vibe. This is the first time I'm hearing about your friend that's a Russian chocolatier. No, no. I told, oh, were you not listening? I did say that she offered to teach me the art. Oh, really? Chocolatier. Are you going oh, were you not listening? I did say that she offered to teach me the art. Oh, really? Chocolatier.

Are you having an affair? No, Chateau was there. Let me know. Are you bringing in a third? Bringing in the third. We're on a journey to Halford. We can't have the chocolatier. No, you can't.

Yeah. Okay, well, Wittekers have done it again, so I'm assuming that'll be hitting shelves. In fact, it's saying here, installs nationwide from the 31st of October, which is the end of this week, because November is when? I found, I didn't want to say the wrong name, but I can tell you the name of my chocolatiers Facebook page. Yep.

Decadence. Decadence. Shrush it. Right. Decadence. Yeah, decadence. Yep. Decadence. Decadence. Right. Decadence. Yeah, decadence. Right. Decca, like... D-E-K-A. D-E-K-A.

That's how you go. D-E-N-Z. So it's got N-Z on the end there for New Zealand. Yep. Decadence. Right, okay. I think she's really overthought that title. Yeah, do you think she's going to take down Whitaker's at this rate? No, no, I don't know. No, no, she won't.

She's more the boutique. Yeah, she's a boutique-y situation. Okay. All right. Really good, really good. All right. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM.

Well, this popped up on my Facebook feed, so I assume it popped up on other people who are friends with Carween at the social media desk on your Facebook feed. I chuckled. I laughed. I actually was scrolling. I was like, ha, ha, ha. Like a good, like that chortle.

When I went to comment on this post, you'd already done the work. I already commented. So I didn't need to comment. I didn't need to comment. I saw it, but it went past me because I don't know who this post, you'd already done the work. I already commented. So I didn't need to comment. I didn't need to comment. I saw it, but it went past me because I don't know who this is,

what this is. I need a clarification. Well, Karween, would you like to tell everybody what you'll be attending? Next April, one of my all-time favorites.

So far away. So far away. I thought this must have been happening. That's early for a concert. I thought this must have been happening. Also, the for a concert. I thought this must have been happening. Also, the wind is turning. It'll be a bad night. Okay, well, I will be attending

one of my all-time favorite bands, Hot Shower Rain. You can't say they're one of your all-time favorite bands. I sure can. So, I don't want to hear the voice. Let's get it on. No!

Everybody drinks on me, bought out the bar. Wow. You'd say one hit wonders, wouldn't you? No, no, no. I would. At least two. At least two.

It's been a really, really messed up week. Oh, I know this one. You know this song. Na, na, na. Yeah, na. Na, na, na. This is the hit. I feel like that went really late on this kind of genre, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Really, really late. Really late. Really late. Really late. Yeah, like 30 years. 20 years. So this was, what's this one? This one's Tonight, no, this is Tonight Tonight.

Tonight Tonight was 2011. And they had an album in 2009. But yeah, like 2009 Rockin' a Fool, 2006 Hairdo. So is this like your nostalgia band? Yeah, yeah. They opened for Taylor Swift at her Speak Now tour. That's when I found them. Yeah.

It's just my childhood. Oh, right. Okay. Right. Okay. I didn't know they had any more songs than this. They remind me of, like, Simple Plan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they were, like, later than Simple Plan. Or, like, Blink-182.

And I don't say, I take back Blink-182, actually. Yeah, Blink-182's... But just that kind of, like... I don't want to run away. I don't want to run away. I'm going to the party, how you? Mum said I can't go, but I'm going anyway. Drop it in the car, pick up the girls.

No gas in the car. We're not going too far. Do you know any other songs in these two? Yeah, all of them. All of them. They came back in lockdown. They decided to start releasing more music. And how many songs... We all make crazy decisions.

I took up drinking more. How many people started podcasts that we don't know that aren't around still? So many podcasts. I'll have you know that Nash, who is the guitarist, has written for the likes of Britney Spears. His brother is... I just looked it up. His brother is that cord over street dude that was on Glee. Wow.

Nepotism in the music industry. The breakdown. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Tonight.

Wow. Okay, well, Carween will be there. When's the concert? April. April. Who's presenting this? No radio station wants to be associated, Carl Ween will be there. When's the concert? April. April. Who's presenting this? No radio station wants to be associated, do they? No.

No. No. Well, we could be. Hey, this is our chance. Is it the Breeze? Nah. It's a touring company I've never heard of, if I'm honest. Oh, no, because it's on their Twitter.

Where is it? The power station. Oh. It's going to be a great night, guys. A very small venue. Yeah. I'll be a great night, guys. A very small venue. Yeah. I'll be there. Wah, wah, wah.

I'll see you all there. Wah, wah, wah. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the yummy ZM think tank, this is the top six. I just really thought about this noise I sometimes make when I laugh. It's when you're trying to hold it and laugh. It comes out like the same part of your mouth as a Donald Duck.

I like it. It's a fun noise to make. It tickles my teeth. News that the Auckland police helicopter has been instrumental in the arrest of 10 people in early morning incidents with a combined span of 180 kilometres. I think you mentioned the Thames. They chased some... A couple of teenagers and a couple of cars from Thames to Auckland. Early morning incidents. Somebody bloody over poached an egg.

Oh my gosh. Made their bloody ram raiding shops. After their hard boiled eggs. After did bloody ramroiding shops. After their hard-boiled eggs. After an over-boiled poached egg, I'd be livid too. I'd ramrode the shop. Well, now Christchurch want a police helicopter, don't they? Of course they do.

Yeah, why not? To be honest, they could just have a drone that went straight up. It's such a flat city. They did trial one. There has been a trial down there in early 2020, and I think it went well. Be careful what you wish for, that's all I'll say, having lived in West Auckland for a while. God, that chopper just circles. Yeah, it's been in the city a lot recently.

They hover. And then there's the Batman argument, you know? Would the criminals in Gotham be as bad if Batman wasn't there for them to live up to? So now if you give them a helicopter to outrun, well, more criminals try to outrun it. See, it is a challenge. Yeah. You know?

Yeah, I don't know. I don't think criminals are that smart, are they? Let's put down our guns and hug a criminal. Yeah. Okay. As long as it's, well, just, you know, not a fiddly one, not a touchy one. No, God, no. Don't hug them.

Yeah, no. Do we need to start a day, a cause? Hug a criminal day. And that will change them from a life of crime. But it's too late. It's too late because they need to hug when they're children, but you can't go around hugging children that you think are going to be trouble.

Yeah, or your Cadens and your Jadens. Yeah, anything that rhymes with Aiden. Hayden, Caden, Jaden, Shaden. Zaden. Zaden. Oh, God. You know there's a Zaden out there. Well, none of these names will cut the mustard for the new Christchurch Whaley Wapta.

These are the top six names for the possible Christchurch Whaley Wapta. Number six, not the Chit-Cha Chopta, the Hella Chit-Cha Chopta. See, what I did is I took what you said before and then I changed it a little bit because I was, I drastically over you said before and then I changed it a little bit because I was, I drastically overestimated my, estimated my credibility to come up with six names for helicopters. Number five on the list, if the Auckland one is the police eagle helicopter,

why isn't the Christchurch one the Haas eagle helicopter? Oh, that's... My favourite New Zealand bird ever. Now extinct. Now extinct. Famously extinct, but used to really cruise around the Canterbury Plains. When did they go extinct?

1986. It was pre-European arrival, post-Maldi arrival. Yeah, 1986. 1986. They lived through the Springbok riots. They lived through the Springbok riots. It was a busy year. The lived through the Springbok riots. Yeah. It was a busy year.

The Treaty of Waitangi was signed in 1986. Wow. Whaling was both a thriving industry and also outlawed. Yep. It's mad. Yeah, two world wars before on behalf of the Majesty. Great. It was a hell of a year. It was a crazy time in 1986.

Hell of a year. He had a friend. He was just playing with his sister in the backyard. They were toddlers. And a house eagle just came and picked her up. And he's never seen her since. And his dad shot it. Yeah.

That was the last one. Yeah. Oh, no. But it was already too high. It dropped the sister. Yeah. Bugger. Yeah.

Bloody beautiful bird. I'd take my chances. Number four on the list of the top six names for the possible Christchurch Wally Wopter. The Wizard. Oh, yeah. Wopter. The Wizard. Oh, yeah. Up for grabs. The Wizard. Police Wizard.

Yeah. That's a great name. The Wizzy Wizard. The Wizzy Wizard. Because it wizards, too. Yeah. And they don't pay him anymore, do they, the council? I don't believe so, no.

Isn't he dead? No. That's good, that's good. No, no, no. Alive and well. Number three on the list of the top six names of the possible Christchurch Wally Wopter, Lance Armstrong, because it's high and fast.

I was trying to think of a New Zealand reference of a fast person that was a drug cheat, but I couldn't. You couldn't, yeah. Couldn't, because all of our druggies just chill out on the couch. Yeah. And a moo-moo.

Yeah. Lazy. And a slanket. They love their bong and a slanket. Number two on the list. Hamburger rings. Yum. Yum.

Top six names for the possible Christchurch welly-wopter. Number two, probably something casually racist or homophobic that when you point it out, that's not funny. You get told to calm down. It's just a joke. Very Christchurch. The only thing more Christchurch is the number one name for the possible Christchurch Wally Wopter,

the what school did you go to? Oh, did you say the old what school did you go to was up last night? Speaking of which, what school did you go to? Christ's. Yeah, good, good. Yeah. Good. Good Catholic.

Good. Burnside, get out. That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. How many years ago did they blow up onto the scene? It was when we started at ZM, so eight and a half years ago. I remember it. No.

Yeah. You're talking about Sophia Grace. Yeah, Sophia Grace and Rosie on Ellen. They were cousins, yeah, and they liked to sing super bass. That's right. It was super bass. Yeah. And Ellen got them on the show, and they were cute and pommy,

and then everyone fell in love with them, and then they used to go on the red carpet and interview celebrities. And how old were they when they were eight? Eight and five. Sophia Grace was eight. Nine, 10, 11, 12. So she's 16.

13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21. How old is she? 19. She's 19 now. Yeah, so that was like a lost count. But like nine years ago. Yeah, well you said eight and a half when we started. Yeah, ZM.

Yeah. And then over the weekend... She's made an announcement. Hi everyone, welcome back to my channel. So I am here to tell you guys that I am pregnant. No, you're not. You're eight years old. How?

How? It is impossible. Hmm. So. Did Alan do it? What? Alan did it. Alan did it.

Oh, it's another thing. Oh, it's another bloody TV prank, is it? So, yeah, she has like, because they stopped going on, Alan, once they stopped being cute, right? You know what I mean? Yes, basically, yeah. And I think both of them, including Grace, no, including Rosie, who like basically never said a word and just like danced in the background.

Sophia Grace was pulling the weight there. Yeah, but I think even Rosie released a little song. Oh, Rosie was cuter than Sophia Grace. And Rosie knew when to keep her mouth shut. Sophia Grace would have been such a handful. And Alan just wrung them dry. You two are just so magnificent. I just

love you so much. And you said that you love Nicki Minaj, right? Do you want to meet her? Yes! Come on out, Nicki. And now she's having a baby She's having a baby She's 21 weeks pregnant She's 19 years old

And she said, the reason I left The reason I left YouTube for so long Is because I wanted to make sure everything's completely fine And everything's safe with the baby Right So she's like, I'm sure a lot of you are going to be shocked Because I wanted to make sure everything's completely fine and everything's safe with the baby. Right. So she's like, I'm sure a lot of you are going to be shocked. It's quite unexpected. I was very shocked when I found out.

I've gotten used to it now. She was born in 2003. You remember that year. I was about to hate you. Wow. But me to say that that's made everyone feel old. Feels super old. It was 11 years ago that she was first on Ellen.

Oh, wow. As a little girl singing. So I want to know, like when news like this hits, all it does is make you do that and be like, Oh my God, I'm so old. What's the moment that made you feel just old? You know, like for me, it's, I remember

when I was young and I would dress whatever way was trendy, I was fashionable and my mum would always go like, oh my god, I used to wear that and I was like, shut up mum Shut up mum! And now obviously I don't have kids but I see young people wearing the clothes that I was wearing, shut up, mum. Shut up, mum. And now, obviously I don't have kids, but I see young people wearing the clothes that I was wearing in the 90s

and I'm like, oh, my God. I know, like everybody looks like an Avril Lavigne skater girl at the moment. Yeah, I know, the baggy jeans and the big hoodies. I was with some kids the other day and... Or instantly. I know, I was listening to 90s rock I think it was like Soundgarden or something And I saw these kids and for a minute I was like

I could have literally been in the 90s Where am I? Yeah Oh lord There's a lot of moments like this that happen when, yeah, like something comes back and you're like, that's crazy. Oh, just over the weekend, did you see when Jodie Whittaker left being Doctor Who?

David Tennant's come back to being Doctor Who for a few episodes. Yeah, I did see that. And I was like, oh, okay. I remember when he became Doctor Who. And I was like, that can't have been that long ago. It was like 2005. What was that? ago. It was like 2005. I was like, what was that? I was like, bleh.

Everything. Okay. Life is passing us by. Life is going fast. All right, so we want to know from you this morning, if you've had a moment like this that's made you feel old. Yeah, what made you feel old? Sophia Grace, the kid from Alan, is having a baby.

How is that possible? She's eight years old. In our mind Alan, is having a baby. How is that possible? She's still eight. In our minds, she is. She is. I've got a song that kind of sums it. Okay. Sums up. I mean, this song sums up so many things.

Yes, it does. We've been playing some random music recently. Oh, yeah. Oh, life. Oh, life. Oh, life. playing some random music recently. Is she still afraid of the dance? Bingo. Oh! Alright, so 0800DANCE.M, let's take your calls now. Sophia Grace, the young girl from Alan, is having a baby.

Yeah, she's not eight anymore. She's 19. She's 19. Wow, that happened so fast. It did happen so fast. And it's just made us all feel old because we still see her as an eight-year-old and we're wondering where the last 11 years went. So we want to know those moments that made you feel old. It's like all those kids that were on Modern Family.

They're all like adults now. Oh, I know. It's so weird when you see, what was Manny? You remember Manny was like the young boy, right? Yeah. And then you see him now, you're like, ooh. And he's got like a goatee and he wears like a fedora the whole time. You're like, no, Jason Mraz, put it down.

I know. And it's only because you can only see them as a kid. Yeah. But all the other ones were obviously hired. You know how actors that play kids on shows, like they look like Sarah Hyland, the oldest daughter in Modern Family. Oh, yeah, but they're younger. They're older than they are.

She still looks like baby face. Yeah, yeah, but they're younger. They're older than they are. She still looks like babyface. Yeah, yeah. They're always babyface. But, yeah, it's just like a man now. So we want to know from you now this morning, 0800-DARNZ-NM-9696, what has made you feel old? Stacey, good morning. Hi.

Hi. What made you feel old? What was the moment? So this just happened yesterday at work. We had to Google what a word meant that my seven-year-old's been saying and all the 20-something-year-olds at work have been saying. And we had to Google it to realise what it was. What's the word?

Yeet. Yeet? Yeet? I said yeet and you were like, I was like, what are you talking about? Yeet? We Googled it and I still don't understand when to use it. It's so. Like when you're throwing something.

Yeet? It doesn't make the explanation any better. No, it really doesn't. You know, when you're sort of. If Hayley was like, pass me that pen, I'd be like, yeet? It's a pointless word. We went millennia without it. And here it is.

And it's unimportant, but it's fun to say. And it's in the dictionary. I'm far too old to be saying yeet. I also am. You are, yeah, you are. I'm in my 40s. I've got no business now than yeet. Cease and desist, please.

No, I'm going to kill it. Stacey, thanks for your call. Caitlin, what made you feel old at the moment? So this was just in the weekend. I was at home with my boyfriend, my younger sister, and her friend, and we were playing Articulate. Yeah. You know Articulate?

Great game. Yeah, love it. And my sister's friend got the answer. She was asking the question. It's a social media app, and my sister calls out everything you could ever know. She was calling out Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, Be Real, all these like filter

apps. The answer was Facebook and my sister was like, what is that? Get out. Get out. I was shook and to make matters worse I'm only 22. My boyfriend went to me and said, is that a grey hair, Caitlin? Oh. Sweet, sweet Caitlin. That's right. How old is your sister?

Oh, she's not even that young. She's 15, 16. Is she just a bit dumb, do you think? No, no, no offence. No comment. No offence. She's pleading for... But she wouldn't have ever, you know,

she's at that age where she wouldn't have joined it or needed to join. But she's not one of the other ones. The TikTok generation. They don't use Facebook. It's just TikTok. Yeah, yeah. Wow.

Okay, amazing. How are they going to win a Range Rover? How are they going to get a Ray-Bans deal? Or one of those $50 pack and save vouchers. Come on! Thanks, you're cool, Caitlin. More texts in. There's a few that people have felt very old when they've learnt the age of things

Oh, yep Somebody messaged in, did you know last year the karate kid turned 60? Oh, get out Ralph March here from the karate kid Oh, yeah Turned 60 And somebody else said when they re-announced they were doing Teletubbies I looked up like why, you know, a few things about the original Teletubbies, I looked up, like, why, you know, a few things about the original Teletubbies.

The child that was in the face of the sun, the baby, it was like, I'm the sun. Yeah. 27. Has a baby. 27. Yeah, has kids. Wow. Yeah.

Well, it was a bit like being at the Wiggles concert, wasn't it? And seeing everybody, like, at the R18 Wiggles show. Yeah. And everyone was just off their face. And you're just like, wow. This is all right. This is crazy. Yeah.

When Coolio died, all the 20-somethings at work didn't know who he was. What? And that was also the week I had to start taking antacids before bed because I get a rejuvenation. Was it the lying down? Do you think? Yeah, maybe.

Flowing back. Getting old. I get these moments all the time as I'm a nanny. Oh, yeah. But a little boy who was an absolute little shit

when I looked after him, who I looked after, took me for a ride in his helicopter. What? So he was like this little kid, little shit bag. And now he's. And now he can fly helicopters.

And he drove the helicopter like that little shit would have driven a helicopter when he was a little boy. Wow. A lot of teachers saying the same thing. Yeah. Like that makes them feel old when they see. Yeah. Students like years later.

Oh, yeah. And you don't know what to call them. You know, when you see your teacher and you're like, hey, missus, and they're like, call me Joe. And you're like, get out. No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't call you Joe. Someone said, I work at a library and a new staff member started

that wasn't alive when Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone came out. Oh, my God. I see. We were talking about like how old you were when you read Harry Potter and they said, oh, I read it. This person said they read it when it came out when they were a teenager and the person's like, oh, I wasn't alive. Wow.

Oh, yeah. Someone said, last New Year's I went to bed before midnight and this year I'm planning to do the same. Yeah, how good is it? It's overrated anyway. And also when you just stop making big New Year's plans, when you're just like, what are we going to do for New Year's? We'll just see what happens.

I don't care. Should we have a barbecue and a couple of quiet drinks? Yeah. Maybe you don't drink too much because it'll be hard to get an Uber and I don't want you guys hanging around longer than need be. It's better to go home before surge. Yeah, definitely. You guys should get going.

Surge is going to kick in. Yeah, Devlo, you guys should get going soon. I'm just going to kick in. Yeah, yeah. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Ho, ho, ho. Ooh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Ho, ho, ho. We are 59 days, 16 hours and 35 minutes away from Christmas.

This coming Monday will be the 1st of November. And yesterday was the 25th. Of October. Yeah. God, you forgot what month we're in. I did. I was like, September? Yeah, it was two months yesterday.

I'm excited. I don't know why you're excited. You have been a bad girl. I am naughty. You've been so naughty. Sack of coal coming my way. Krampus is coming for you. Sinterklaas. You get cancelled if you have a sack of coal. Because you're burning fossil fuels. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not my fault if it lands at the foot of my bed. It's what the dinosaurs would have wanted. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, fair call. God, the's what the dinosaurs would have wanted. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, fair call. God, the dinosaurs would be so disappointed in us. Mm-hmm.

And the T-Rex would tell us off by waggling his finger and then we'd all laugh at him and then he'd chomp our heads off. They'd be like,

I told you. Because that's not the voice you'd expect from a T-Rex either. We told you. Oh my God, T-Rexes have got stutters?

Do you remember that time I got told off for transporting a pterodactyl at the airport? Yes, I do. Yeah. Yes. A lady said, what's in that case? And I rattled it and went, I said, I think it's a pterodactyl. Oh my God. She went and got security. No, they don't love jokes. They don't love jokes. They don't love jokes. Yeah. I thought dinosaurs was funny because obviously it's not.

Obviously because they're extinct. They're extinct. Yeah. I thought dinosaurs was funny because obviously it's not. Obviously because they're extinct. They're extinct. Yeah. I had reminded her of that when she got security. That's what America wants you to believe. Yeah. Is that they're extinct. Oh, right.

Okay. That's what they want you to believe. Or that they've existed. Well, lots of reports of Christmas creeping in. Boy. Dinosaurs aside. Boy, are there. Just dinosaurs to one side just a little bit.

Shannon says, look, if we're measuring Christmas penetration, including the Philippines, I believe it's at 500%. I don't know. Are we including the Philippines? Very much so, yes. Okay. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It's a beautiful part of the world.

Why would we exclude the Philippines? Maybe somebody's got a problem with King Philip of Spain? No, not at all. The conqueror. The lifelong beef. You know I really want to try that Filipino meatloaf. Why do we talk so much about the Filipino? David Coraz's favorite Filipino meatloaf.

We should have demanded he made it. We're going to make it. Okay. Let's get Coraz on the show. Proviso breakfast Filipino meatloaf. Next time he wants to plug his comedy gigs, he's got to bring a Filipino meatloaf. He's going to pay for it.

So I got to sit on Santa's knee at the Mall of Asia in the Philippines yesterday. They tried to charge me 50 New Zealand dollars for the evidence. So I said, no thanks, but Christmas. How much does Westfield charge? You've got to get the photos. You've got to get the photos.

It's not free. Yeah, okay. 20? Joseph says, Kia ora, team. Bad photo, but my neighbours have put up their Christmas lights. Oh. No.

This feels like high 80% Christmas penetration energy. I saw a mum on Facebook in Australia put up her Christmas tree and sparked debate on the internet. But how are kids who are knocking on the door for Halloween going to know? Yeah. You know, that's confusing for them. Just at least wait until No Halloween.

The witching hour is done. Emma says, just got this on the Westfield Plus app. It's telling me that at Newmarket, not only do I get two free hours of parking if I've got the app, but I can book my Santa photo at Westfield Newmarket now. Yeah. That'll have to be high quality. Big mall.

They'll have to pull out the big guns for that one because, you know. Should we go get one? Definitely. You could do. Definitely get a little

Christmas card, mate. I wonder if Santa will feel that we're on a journey to health, you know, when we're all on his knee. I think three four-size adults might be a bit much

for old mate's knee. Yeah, look at it. Tash reports a waterfall-type effect of Christmas cards. Bourgeois Christmas cards. So the sort of mum gets for a person that they haven't seen all year and then writes that it must catch up. Yeah, beautiful. Big Christmas penetration there from Tash.

Thank you for that report. Caitlin says, now, I am aware we're doing Christmas penetration there from Tash. Thank you for that report. Caitlin says, now I am aware we're doing Christmas penetration, but does anybody want to talk about Easter penetration? Because here are some hot cross buns. Get out. I have always argued though, why are we limiting them to just Easter?

My only thing is the cross makes it Easter. I love spiced love. Yeah. Same. Make the bun and put a squiggle on it and call them squiggly buns. Squiggly buns, yeah. Squiggly buns. The church might have an issue with that though. Well, the church isn't getting a cut of the squiggly buns

are they? No. Okay, yeah. Hands off. That's their issue. Hands off your religious iconography, please, Christians. We want to eat it. Yeah. So squiggly buns. Caitlin, that doesn't count towards Christmas penetration and has confused the algorithm somewhat. Yeah.

There has been some confusion. I'm not going to know the little Christmas... Queensgate Shopping Centre, the Christmas heirloom company, is now open. Of course they are. Take your Christmas tree to the next level

with stunning decoration range and helpful staff available to offer free Christmas tree styling tips and new season tree trends. New season tree trends? What's this year's tree trend? Because have you thought about this?

Are you just going to whack it on willy-nilly? I'm just going to whack it on willy-nilly. Don't whack it on willy-nilly. Well, I didn't know I needed to have a plan. It's your first time. You need to get a Christmas tree. Can we get her a Christmas tree planner, please? Is there someone who works in that industry?

There would be someone out there with that job. Yeah. 100%. Get in touch. DM me. And finally, Beth says it suddenly felt a lot like Christmas. Christmas gift giving on the Project Australia. Oh, for shame.

Christmas gift giving on the Project Australia. Well, with all that in mind and 59 days away from Christmas. Donner and Blitzen start stretching those legs. Christmas penetration is at... 77%. It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. So in the mail,

I checked the mailbox the other day. Vintage. That was crazy. What was in there? A lot of mail for the previous owners. Was it a real estate agent? Yeah, Courtney. If they're going to sell in your house,

they'll say it's a downturn in the market. I'll get you top dollar. I'll get you top dollar. We get a lot of it. It is weird, though, when you get mail. Like, I hardly ever get it. Yeah, what did I get the other day? Oh, something for my mum.

She redirected her mail to my house while they were in Italy and she hasn't redirected it. Actually, Patsy, I know you're listening. Can you fix that? I don't want to receive your bank statements and look at them and think, why am I getting a cut of that? You know what I mean?

Are you opening mum's bank statements? Yeah, just to make sure it's not anything important. If you know your mum's date of birth and the city that she was born in. I do. Okay. Let's do something. Let's do something with that. It is right for some identity theft.

I'll dress up as Patsy Sproul. Hello, it's me, Patsy Sproul. This is my daughter, Hayley. We're here to withdraw all my money. A great impersonation. Because they don't use cameras at the bank at all. Well, they don't. They'll be in disguise, duh.

Oh, of course. They won't know it's me. Nobody knew it was Robin Williams when he was dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire. We'll have to get a little blonde. She's a bit blonde at the moment. Is she? Sort of a short crop blonde. You'll have to shave the beard.

Oh, no, no. It's a hereditary thing. It's not just me. I'll just gel it down. Anyway, I was't know. It's a hereditary thing. It's not just me. I'll just gel it down. Anyway, I was about to throw everything out and then there was a little flyer and it said my suburb

attention locals. If you want to register your house as part of the suburb Halloween map to acknowledge that you want to take part in trick-or-treating as a house, register your details here. And they create a little map, so a little safe map for the kids to go.

And so they're not knocking on every door and being disappointed. They're only knocking on the doors of those that want to be involved. And I saw it and I was like, that'd be a bit of fun. I'm new to this community. What a great way to meet the local kids. So we've registered to the local Halloween participation map and now me and Aaron are dreaming up what we want to do. Oh my God, now you've got to spend all night

dealing with snotty-nosed kids. Yeah, last year. With a sheet over their head. Last year we just had dinner with our friends and it was Halloween and we didn't really tell them but we got dressed up and we arrived, didn year we just had dinner with our friends and it was Halloween and we didn't really tell them, but we got dressed up and we were off, didn't we? They were just in T-shirt and jeans and me and Aaron dressed up as the Heavenly Creatures sisters. And Aaron was wearing a skirt with like pigtails and had like blood on him. Did he have a sock and a rock and a sock?

We had a brick and a sock. And then he also has these teeth because he went to clown school in Paris. He had these amazing teeth made. And they're like ginormous. So he put those in for some reason. It's wild. Are you going to dress up like that? That could scare the kids though.

Yeah, I know. We want to absolutely scare the bejesus out of them. Yeah, right. So we've also got these LED light bulbs that can go on strobe and we're going to put them on red, you know, and have the house all dark. Are you going to have an epilepsy warning? Oh, shoot.

Yeah, I should do that. So put that on the fence. Epilepsy warning may contain strobing. And no peanuts for the kids. There's a lot to think about. No peanuts or allergies. Well, damn it. I was going to get those little mini Choccy bars.

Or I was thinking of going to Costco and getting some great American sweets. You know? You're really going all out for this. Yeah, I'm going to drop a lot of money on this. I'm planning. I'm planning to drop a lot of money on this crazy idea. We're thinking about doing the spider webs, you know, over the front of the house.

You'll get five kids turn up, Max. No. I asked a kid once when we lived in the Burbs, they knocked on the door and I said, oh, scary ghost. And they were like, I'm a bride. And I was like, oh, did grandma help you with this costume? That was mum. Oh, no, Vaughn, that's terrible.

And I was just like, I hate this. Next time we're not doing it. No, I'm going all out. A stat out from America, 52% of, and you know, in America, they get all into Halloween. They spend like millions of dollars a year. 52% won't give trick-or Trick or Treaters candy this year, blaming the cost of living.

They're just going to shut the door and pretend they're not home. Oh, I mean, I get that. It is my privilege to give out chocolate. But I want to have, now that I'm invested, I want to have the best lollies and the best scare.

Right. We're going to play spooky music on the Yui Boom and have the window cracked a little bit so you can hear it as you approach the doorstep. Oh, it's going to play like spooky music on the Yui Boom and have the window cracked a little bit so you can hear it as you approach the doorstep. Oh, it's going to be good. And then. What's your trick going to be though?

I don't have to do a trick. She's got treats. Right. Right? They have to do a trick. Do they? I don't actually know how it works. No, no, no.

They say trick or treat. They're giving you the option. They say you treat us with treats or we're going to pull a trick. You should get like a bucket of blood on a string and if they're... Carry them. Pull it. Pig's blood. Yeah.

You got any pig's blood I could borrow off the farm? Well, no, because it's all inside the pig. No, do a transfusion. Do a slaughter. A transfusion would indicate I'm putting my blood into the pig. Yeah, well... Why don't you guys come over and join in the fun, get dressed up. We'll have a leg of ham from your pig.

No, no, no. Can I paintball some kids? I love glazed ham, though. Yeah, let's paintball the kids. That is a great trick. Now, what a journey we've been following with this amazing young man. We met him a month ago?

About that? Yeah. When he auditioned for the role of Tesco's new voiceover. Yes. That was when we first met Max. He said he loved auditioning. He'd recently auditioned for the school play but hadn't quite got it because he wasn't there on the day that they held the auditions. Yeah. He said it killed his buzz.

And then he maybe didn't have the right energy, I believe, was with somebody. And we said that is the biggest load of BS I've ever heard. Yeah, we were upset. Sounds like nepotism. I reckon the director's son got the role. Some nonsense like that. I can guarantee it. And then, well, to our surprise, Max also called in for the long

weekend group toot last week. Max joins us on the show. Max, good morning. Good morning. Did you ever get that role in that school play, Max, after we put in, you know, the good word there? I didn't get the role, but today I'm auditioning again. That's all for another part.

I'm the octopus knight. Yes! Oh, yes, the octopus knight. That's perfect. You can hold eight swords. Okay, well, when you're ready, give us the long weekend group tooth. Yes! If he doesn't get the part of the octopus king, I'm going to flip tables. We're a little hyped up.

Oh, yeah, man. Lots of energy. Very hyped up. I mean, it was the first long weekend group tooth. It worked. We wished him the best. Well, now he joins. Lots of energy. Very hyped up. I mean, it was the first Long Weekend Group Tute. It worked. We wished him the best. Well, now he joins us on the phone. Hello, Max.

Hello. Hi, Max. Now, first of all, how was the reception when you got to school after you'd been such a heroic start to the Long Weekend Group Tute? It was awesome. Yeah? People recognised? All my friends at school were crowding me,

like, we heard you on the radio, Max. Yes. Yes. You've been the talk of the town. Everyone's been messaging us profusely, wanting an update. They're behind you, Max. The whole nation was behind you in your audition

for Octopus Night. Awesome. So, Max, tell us, how did it go? How did the audition go? Well, I got the part. Max! Max! Max! Max! Max! Max! Max!

Max! Yes, that's so awesome. Do you have any lines? It was the hardest part. It was the hardest part. It was the hardest part. No one auditioned for it. Then my teacher, Mrs. Catley, was like, Mac, do you want to audition for this? No one else has.

And then I'm like, sure. And then I auditioned for it, and then I practiced that at home as hard as I could, and then the next day I got the part. Oh, my God. Hard work pays off. Next time you tell the story, you make sure you say thousands of people auditioned for it.

Yes. And then you beat them all. I remember the whole school, there was a line a mile long of children wanting to be the octopus knight. Can I say something? Yes. I think I'm a bit confused.

It's octopus nine. N-I-N-E. Oh, what? Why is it Octopus 9? Oh, okay, so it's not the Octopus 9. Oh, Wigan, in my mind, when I've been zoning out, I've just imagined this octopus.

Two shields, four swords. Yeah. That'd be unstoppable because they're so smart. It makes so much more sense. You are octopus number nine. Yeah. Okay. So there are eight other octopuses. Or is there ten to five?

There's eight other octopuses. Okay. Oh, my gosh. So what does being octopus nine entail? I'm not really sure, but on our script, it was like octopus one, two, three, four, five, six,

and seven, and eight, and nine. Okay. So when you went home and practiced for the role, what did you practice? Was it singing?

Was it dancing? It was, it was like this, like, mini speech. Do you want me to say it? Yes, please. I would love to hear it.

I would love to hear it. All right. That's brilliant, tentacles. How exactly was it where it turned into sea blue? Oh, my God. That was pretty. That was pretty. That was amazing.

What? So good. This is so good. How was it? Just off the top of his head. Wait a minute. Do you want it, do you? And then he just goes.

Max, what production needs nine or ten octopi? Octopuses. There's more than like ten octopi, but there's like, there are nine octopi that got the speaking part. Oh, so there's silent octopuses. You've got your extra octopuses and then you've got your verbals. Yeah, you've got your lookers. Yeah, wow.

So, Max, when do rehearsals start? The rehearsals started, I think, maybe... Or you're in it. You've started already. How can people come and see this play? Is there going to be tickets to the public? Oh, yes. It's on the 16th.

16th and 17th of November. Oh, my God. We're going to need the details. There must be an online, there must be a way to buy these online. Ticketmaster, I believe. Live Nation. Live Nation. Live Nation pre-sale.

I think we're going to need to get this in a bigger venue. I think American Express is going to have a pre-sale. Sparkle have a pre-sale. Spark. Live Nation pre-sale. I think we're going to need to get this in a bigger venue. I think American Express is going to have a pre-sale. Sparkle have a pre-sale. Sparkle have a pre-sale. And then there'll be whatever's left over left. That's amazing. Max, the incredible news. This has absolutely made our week.

It has made the nation's week, Max. We were so behind you and we're delighted. Congratulations. Thank you so much. You guys are my biggest hobby. Oh, we love you. I've been called a few things in my time. Never the biggest hobby.

That's incredible. All right, Max, good luck. Thank you. We can't wait to see you. Thank you so much. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. It's you, Taylor Swift, on ZM's Fletchford and Ailey Play ZM It's new Taylor Swift on ZM, Antihero

And that became Spotify's most streamed album in a single day What? Ever? Yep Wow It broke the record for the most streamed artist in a single day in Spotify history Wow, I guess just tally that up to Taylor Swift's carbon footprint then. Because those servers

aren't bloody running on nothing, are they? Private jets, massive servers. What does she want us? Does she not like polar bears?

She hates them, in fact. Yeah, right. Wow, wow, wow, wow, we were. I would just, you just can't do anything right, can you?

No, you just can't. You just can't, just, yeah. All right, let's talk about something else that's definitely not responsible for any problems on the planet. Okay. Steak. Yum.

Delicious. You just went from... Delicious steak. You just went from criticising Taylor Swift... I could eat a thousand steaks in a day and not be able to put a dent in Taylor Swift's total carbon footprint. Well, I mean, that's a fair call, but you're still putting a dent into.

Yeah, but they're feeding the cows anti-fart fuel. They're going to be. Yeah. That's the next step. That's the next step. I mean, I've had so much red meat this week. Oh, yum. Tell me all about it. Barbecue season, baby. I will literally listen to people talk about red meat in particular. I've got a lot of time for chicken.

Same. But red meat. It's a big dating deal breaker for chicken. Same. But red meat. Well, I've got my own kind of component. It's a big dating deal breaker for people. 30% of people apparently will judge a date if they order a steak well done. Oh my, how embarrassing. That's not enough. It needs to be 95% of people will judge someone for ordering a steak well done. Have you seen the look?

Stark of people when they're like, I'll have a steak. Wonderful, sir. How would you like it cooked? Well done. And they're like, I'll have a steak. Wonderful, sir. How would you like it cooked? Well done. And they're like, son of a bitch. Sacrilege. Do you think it's a lot of people's upbringings to blame that when you grew up in the 90s, vegetables were cooked.

Were boiled. Boiled to a mush. And steak was cooked until it was rubber. Yeah, and grey. My mum used to beat the hell out of steak with a tenderising hammer. Yeah. She would beat the hell out of it until it was real thin and then cook it well done.

Yeah, and it was chewy and that's just what I thought steak was. Yeah, same. And then when I grew up, I was like, why do you hammer it? She's like, to tenderise it. I'm like, just don't cook it as long. Yeah. My mum doesn't like a bloody steak. I love it.

We grew up in a grey family, cooked all the way through. Yeah. So I never liked steak either. And when I got into it, it was like I got into it going yum at a sort of medium to well done. And then you go, I'll pull back a bit and I'll go medium. Then you go medium rare and you're like far out. What about a rare?

Hit a rare? I can hit a rare. I can hit a rare nowadays. I love hitting a rare. Yeah. I'm one day. The problem is when you go out for steak, I get so excited about it. Listen to me.

I know. I just cook my own steak, but if somebody else is going to cook it, and there's a place on the North Shore in Auckland, it's a South African restaurant, this is a freebie. Because I'll pay every time I go. Goddamn best steaks. Best steaks, reasonable price. Yeah, right.

Really? And they do this monkey, what's that sauce called, Jared? Monkey poo. Bushman's grill. Monkey gland sauce. It's called the Bushman's grill. No monkeys included. The Bushman's grill is what it's called.

How do they get the monkey sauce out? The monkeys make the sauce. Oh, they do. And they're paid a living wage to do so. Oh, that's good. If you were back on the dating market and you took a date out and she says... I wouldn't take a date to a steakhouse because I would pay them no attention. You'd put it in your

Tinder profile. You'd say, looking for a woman who likes the outdoors and steak. Absolutely no more than medium rare. I bullied one of our friends. We went out for dinner and the first time we went out for steak, she was like, I'll have it well done. And I was like, no, she won't.

And I like changed her order for her. I was like, you don't eat with me and eat more than medium rare. I will not have it. And how did she like that? Or she said it's taking some getting used to, but she's getting there. Yeah. Obviously my friendship is of a high value to her. Right. Okay. I appreciate when

people put in an effort to be better people for me. So this is a question we want to ask this morning. Is there a dating food deal breaker? Like, if you're with someone or you just started seeing them, if there's a food they don't eat? Maybe they order their chicken breast medium rare. You know?

You don't want that. That's not a thing. You don't want that. No. That's a deal breaker. What about like mediums? Throw my Johnny Cash dash meeting. Yes. Would you go on a first date to Lone Star? Nothing against Lone Star, but I don't feel it's a first date location. I'd eat too much there.

Maybe years ago. George is behind you. She's absolutely outraged that you think Lone Star is not a first date place. We're talking the old school. They don't sit down at the end of your table anymore. George, you used to work at Lone Star when they'd sidle up to your dad and flirt with him so he'd buy pudding. Leave us alone. Georgia got a few dads to

buy some pudds. Oh, God. You look like you need a slice of our lemon pie. Well, hey there, Simon. You probably got plans later on. What about like fussy eaters? You go on a date. For me, that'd be a deal breaker. They're like, can I get this?

But remove that, remove that. If it was an allergy thing, absolutely go for it. Show me your EpiPen and I'm down. You must show an EpiPen. Yeah, if it's just you being like, I get a bit of a crook guts from onion, me too. Join the queue. Yeah, eat it, eat it.

You're not going to ever not have a crook guts unless you say to your guts, I'm the boss around here. But if it was like, yeah, remove this, and I don't like that, and what's on the chicken, what's the seasoning? Could it be the opposite? Could you have met someone, but they really love mushrooms, and you hate mushrooms? You know people that hate mushrooms?

Yeah, the texture. Vegetarians who don't like mushrooms. What are you eating? What's left? Leaves. Bread? Leaves and bread. Leaves and bread. Leaves and bread.

A lettuce sandwich. 0800 Darls and M. We'd love to take your calls right now. You can text as well into the studio. 9696. Do you have a dating food deal breaker? We're talking about dating deal breakers. When it comes to steak, if people are on a date,

if you order well done, most people, it's a deal breaker. And here we have heard from a chef, ladies and gentlemen. Why you shouldn't order a steak well done. I'm a chef. I assume they're saying it like this. Muppets reference. Google it. I don't want to hear about it. I'm a

chef. I hate it when people order steak well done for multiple reasons. One, it takes forever. Two, it's wrecked. Yep. But three, they're always so fussy about it. It can't be burnt. Don't make it chewy.

Well, you're the one that wants it to be well done. If you want it. It's like saying I want a glass of water, but it can't be wet. If you want it effed, you get it effed. Also, another chef once told me people eating well-done steak feel the same way about their steak that they feel about yours. What? No.

No, wrong. They're not a Swedish chef. They've messaged again. Oh, okay. Just to clarify, not Swedish? They sound Swedish to me. Are they sure? It sounds to me very Swedish, doesn't it?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now, somebody else said you're being very unkind about steaks. I like well-done steaks. Well, I don't care for the rest of your opinion. Thank you for spending 20 cents to be not dealt with. You don't like steaks, Tex with. You don't like steaks, Texter.

You don't like steaks. Stick to a part. Get a little lasagna or something. Yeah, stick to mints. If you like a steak well done, stick to mints. Stick to mints or a very chewy schnitzel. Schnitzels shouldn't be chewed. The only part of the schnitzel that should be cooked is the crumb that it's in.

You cook it enough to let it get crummy. You're choking up about this. He's upset. I'm having an allergic reaction. A couple of messages on Instagram. People who say something is yuck without trying it. Is it dating deal breaker? That's like dating your children.

Yuck. You haven't even tried it. I just know. You don't. Yeah, you don't know. Yeah. You dumb kid. Pizza without cheese?

I went out on a date once and they said kind of the pizza, but I don't want the cheese. No, no, that's essential to pizza. I don't want you then. It's quintessential to pizza. It's that element. It's the thing. Somebody said, we're talking about deal breakers.

I once went out and they said they ordered the meal, but they wanted everything in separate parts of the plate so none of the food was touching. I was like, there will not be a second date. Yeah, that's going to lead to a lot of problems going forward if you're starting a relationship. Hannah, what's the dating food deal breaker for you? When they order something and then get them to take out

literally every single vegetable. Oh, yeah. I'll take a tomato out out literally every single vegetable. Oh, yeah. I'll take a tomato out of a burger. No. No, everything. Like, if it comes with a side salad, no salad. Or, like, they order sushi, they're like, take the cucumber out, just chicken and rice, please.

Oh, my God. I would actually love for them to take the cucumber out, but I'll just eat it and then resent them. No. Cucumber is the freshness. It's a nothing. Just eat it. It's great. You're like a baby.ness. It's a nothing. Just eat it. It's great. You're like a baby.

Yeah, you're a baby. Don't be a baby. Okay, your fear call. Great message, Hannah. Thank you. I recently went on a date and the guy couldn't name a single vegetable on his plate. What? He's like, what's this? Carrot? Interesting. Only ate the steak, didn't touch the vegetables.

That dude's going to get scurvy. What? He's been raised wrong. So I love steak, but you've got to have a good side. Someone said that they went on a date and they ordered mushrooms. Now, I'm not anti you eating mushrooms, but're not getting a kiss until you've brushed your teeth. Oh, because it's funky. Stinky?

No. No. That's weird. My partner hates tomatoes and I love them. He hates them so much I once ate a cherry tomato then kissed him and he gagged because he said I tasted like tomato. I sort of get the tomato thing. I like tomatoes sometimes. I like them in sauce. But he's a basic B. And this we know about. You wouldn't just yum down a punnet of cherry tomatoes. No, I. I like them in sauce. Oh, yeah. And that's it. But he's a basic B.

And this we know about. You wouldn't just yum down a punnet of cherry tomatoes. No, I don't like them. No, I wouldn't either. Don't like them. I like cherry tomatoes in my salad and stuff, but I wouldn't hoon them as a snack. They're too bursty.

I could totally hoon them as a snack. I'd still date me, though. I'd still date me. Chelsea, good morning. I'm hot. Have you seen me? Good morning. Now, what is the dating food deal breaker for you?

Well, I went to a burger bar with one of my old dates, and they decided because it's a burger bar, we're going to have burgers, and they wanted a burger without a bun, lettuce, or sauce. Oh, my God. So they wanted a patty with cheese on top. I know. Genuinely, the box was just the patty and cheese in a box. Oh, that's not hard.

That's embarrassing. Yeah, that's not hard. That's embarrassing. Yeah, that's not great, eh? And did that date continue? That relationship never flourished? No. No. It was only under a month, and I went, you know. Yeah.

I mean, just eat a burger. Just have a burger. It's a burger. How can you hate a burger? Thanks, Chelsea. Somebody said steak tartare on a first date is a deal breaker, but their dad had steak tartare the first night they went out with their mum. Oh, okay.

And they're still together. I see you confused. Steak tartare, that's mince with an egg on top. Yeah. It's gross. It's raw mince. Raw mince with an egg on top. Have you had it before, Fletch?

No. It's feral. It's mince. Imagine when you go in and you get a tray of mince. It's flavoured. Tray of mince. Yeah. Crack a raw egg on a tray of mince. It's flavored. Tray of mince. Yeah. Crack a raw egg on it.

Oh, no. Crack an egg on the top. I hate it. Onions, capers, mushrooms, pepper, Worcestershire sauce. I sort of feel like they were kind of a bit posh. Very posh, but they're eating raw mince. With an egg on top. So it's kind of food related

But it's a massive deal breaker If you go to their house And they don't have any sharp knives Because it means you're not going to be able To prepare food properly And they don't take their food preparation seriously I don't like really sharp knives Like when I got my new knives

They kept cutting me And now they're at a perfect level Where they'll cut the vegetables But not you But not my finger Remember when the smeg knives came out And everyone was chopping off their fingers? That's what I was talking about.

Someone said, I once went on a coffee date. The guy said, coffee date. We turned up, I ordered a coffee and he ordered a hot chocolate. Monster. Oh no. Oh, full grown men drinking hot chocolate. Yeah, but if full grown men are allowed to drink mochaccinos,

only because Kieran Reid didn't. He was the captain of the All Blacks. Before that, it was, you know, unspoken don't ask, don't tell policy. Oh, the hot choccy.

And the mochaccinos. Kieran Reid made it right, but no All Black has been brave enough to say, I drink exclusively hot chocolates. Yeah, or a fluffy.

I think we'll get a gay All Black before we get an All Black that's willing to admit he only drinks hot chocolates. Jonah Lomo famously a strict fluffy man. Yeah.

Fact of the day day day day day I do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Today's Fact of the Day is about oats. Of course, a cereal. Not a cereal. Oats are oats.

In the cereal aisle, but oats are oats. No, because cereal, oats. Yeah. It's got its own category. It's such an important cereal. It's got its own category. It's such an important cereal. It's given its own name. It falls into the cereal family. Your wheats, your grains.

Oats are oats. We agree to disagree. Your cereals. Well, today's fact of the day is wild oat seeds can walk. Sorry? Wild oat seeds. You're telling me every morning I'm eating legs? No, because they've been taken out of their legs.

Of the husk. Oh, yeah. But so when the seed first falls, wild oats, you know, go and sow your wild oats. Yeah. I don't know, for everyone listening, I'm also just chucking a shucker on that one. Yeah, you do.

Go and sow your wild oats. Yeah. So the wild oats, why did you take your... Just as he'd go and take you to sow your wild oats, Hayley looked down at her breasts and then threw her shirt off. Hang on. I was just like... Hang on.

I did not throw my shirt off. I took my cardigan off. I'm still wearing a shirt. To the humble listener, I'm still wearing a shirt. My buzzies are not out. So the wild oat, it's a seed completely intact Now you're reading the husked seed An awn, that's what the part of this oat is called

It's a micro thin hair like appendage with a bend near the end of the seed like a little leg Now if you were to get one of these and put a tiny drop of water in the palm of your hand And put the oat close beside it The oat will begin to move propelled by the little leg-like horn towards the water. So it can start life again. It absorbs the water, straightens out, and then the seed would be able to,

if it was wild, would... As soon as the water goes in, it's porridge. Water turns oats into porridge. If you don't eat it straight away and you just leave it sitting there, it will become so hard, you can't get it off. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's got this little leg, yeah. Okay. And it moves towards the water and then it'll, like, try to find a crack or something to push itself down and the little leg will pop itself down in there. Gross. Yeah.

Do they have feelings and thoughts of their own? They do. Yeah. Like, do they have New Year's resolutions? Yes. Are vegans going to be upset that they've been eating oats this whole time? They've got a discount code for HelloFresh. It's crazy.

They're a lot more advanced than we probably give them credit for. We just eat thousands of them with milk and honey and we milk them too. Sliced banana. Brown sugar. Yeah. A bit of cream sometimes. Yeah. And sometimes it's too hot, sometimes it's too cold,

sometimes it's just right. Well, let's add that to the list now because you can't eat salad because remember they've got feelings too. They scream as they've been plucked from the earth. Yeah. And now oats can walk. Jeepers. What are we supposed to eat?

Not a lot left for vegans to eat. What are we supposed to eat? Back to cows. Back to cows. Back to cows. Fool. No, that's vegans to eat. What are we supposed to eat? Bacter cows. Bacter cows. Bacter cows. Fool. No, that's not going to work. Bacter cows. So wait, do we eat more meat? Is that the answer?

To protect the precious oats. Because you know who loves eating oats? Cows. Cows. And humans. We start eating other humans. We're eating oats predators. Yes, we're protecting the wild oats by taking out their predators. Okay.

There you go. So today's fact of the day. And David Attenborough, there's a video of this, and David Attenborough narrates it. So do your own homework. Oh, yeah. You've got to do some of your own legwork. Watch that, yeah.

Just literally Google walking oats. It's the first video. These seeds can walk. That's what the video's titled. So today's fact of the day is wild oat seeds can walk. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Play Sid Eames, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Go

Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Silly little pole, silly little pole It is so silly, silly, silly That the silly little pole Silly little pole, silly little pole Silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole. Two days, silly, silly little pole is looking at wedding gifts, giving a wedding gift.

Okay. Yeah or nah? Because I'm a strong nah. But does that count as money? Well, that's the thing. Most people now are just doing like a money and they say, here's a bank account. A money.

Please put in a money. Maybe two a monies. Yeah, two a monies. If you've got two a monies. But there's always a message like, you know, we know you're making the effort to come to our wedding. Oh, it's so awkward. So maybe half a money? Half a money. And then like, you know, we know you're making the effort to come to our wedding. Oh, it's so awkward. So maybe half a money?

Half a money. And then like, you know, they're going to judge you if you only put in a little bit of money. Exactly. I think it's all awful. And I would say like most of the weddings I've been to have been for like actors, comedians, who'd like most of the people in that community aren't like flush with cash all the time. Yeah. Girl getting a real job there, you know.

But then who will entertain us? But then, you know, so the general vibe's always been like no gifts. Yeah. Because you're like, I don't need to take money from a friend who like doesn't have 50 bucks to spare. When Vaughn got married,

it was like you must give at least this amount. Don't bother. This is how much it's costing per head. Don't bother coming unless you're going to exceed that. This winery isn't free to be at. So, you know, every little bit helps. It was like it was a World Vision ad. It was a lot of pressure, yeah.

And then I had sales at the wedding. Yeah, you had EF post machines, didn't you? Yeah, so people could buy more things. Yeah, donate, donate. And then, of course, if you wanted to dance with the bride to say congratulations, that was $25. Yeah, you had EFTPOS machines, didn't you? Yeah, so people could buy more things. Yeah, donate. And then, of course, if you wanted to dance with the bride to say congratulations,

that was $25. Yeah. Cheapers. He made a lot of money out of his friends. $10 per slice of cake, which I thought was a great bloody deal,

actually. It was a lovely cake. Yeah. Can you pay more than that at a cafe? Oh, yes. Oh, that's the other thing. If you wanted to,

you know how old people love a coffee at the end or a cup of tea at the end of a wedding? Those weren't, that was $4.50. That was cash bar from like 3 p.m. Yeah. 50 cents extra for oat milk.

Yeah. Wow. But it was orange juice in the champagne flutes and if you wanted a little drop of champagne, that was $15. The whole thing about a wedding was that you were setting up a new couple into their home, right? You'd buy them a plate set and a knife set and a vase. We all have that these days.

So I don't know. I'm anti. How did people react to the poll? Well, me and the stingies at 19%, we didn't do so well. 81% said yeah. Give a wedding gift. Okay. You get the money and you get it out in the smallest notes you can and it looks like heaps of money.

Wads of fives. What is the standard for a wedding couple or a single? $50 or $100? Yeah, $50. $50 a person? Yeah. Is that what you'd go for? I'd go a bit more. If they have it, it must be nice.

I don't get invited to many weddings. See, I met them every other weekend. You've probably been to more weddings since I've known you than I've been to in my entire life. I don't go to many. When they go, I want them to say. Okay, well, some responses. Some responses.

Claire says, just money. Nobody wants mismatching wine glasses or another bloody blender. Correct. Fair enough. Lisa says, yeah, but usually 40 bucks towards the honeymoon, wishing well, et cetera. That's kind of what we were saying. Yeah. That's enough.

That's like most of the food I eat. Ha ha. When I'm a bridesmaid, nah, my presents is my present and the song I sing. Yeah, especially if you're spending a lot of money. I don't want your song. Who's this? Lisa. Still Lisa.

Lisa's giving me $40 and a song. Don't come. I'd rather have $60 and no song. I would rather have no money, no song, no Lisa. No one's singing. Don't sing. Don't sing at a wedding. But what if Lisa's really good?

What if she's a Grammy? I don't want her there. This could be Lisa Keys. I have sung at nearly every wedding I've been to's really good? What if she's a Grammy? I don't want her there. This could be Lisa Keys. I have sung at nearly every wedding I've been to. Oh, my God. No one's asked you to sing. No one has asked you to sing. No, every time.

Because at drama school, right, you always give back with a song. Oh, give me money. These comedian drama weddings sound the worst. It's the theory of the theater. So you give back with a song. Everybody's singing? Everyone sings. Oh, no.

Don't do that. I've sung many a friend down the aisle. It'll be like the first episode of X Factor except you're at a wedding and they've all got huge shooting lines.

Shane says, I match the value of the gift to how much I think the cost of my meal and drinks has set them back. You think about that, Shane. Shane, that's a good man.

Yeah. That's logical thinking. Well done. Amber says, my presence is the present. I mean, you've already paid so much to be there. Melody says,

in the current financial climate, absolutely not, mate. Well, don't come. If it's too much stress for you, Melody, don't worry about it. If you want to have a wedding, then that's on you to buy your own tea towel set

or baking dish. Joel says, we normally don't do gifts if the friends who are getting married already live together. Who's not living together before they get married? Or if they're rich

and they can buy their own junk. Jeez Louise. And Michael said, I said yes but if I'm going to your second wedding then big no. Oh yeah, second wedding. Because how many, if you look back at all the weddings you've been to

how many are running at a, they're not together now, divorce. All bar one are still together. Wow, I think it'd be like 50%, 50 or 60. Really? My EMC is at 50, 50%. If you emcee a wedding. It's a coin toss.

So don't ask. Plus, I don't want to. Well, please just let me sit here. You work in radio. You must be really good. Give you the cash equivalent of what my meal is going to cost you. Get pretty boozed and go outside for a bit of fresh air if old Sprouse is up to sing one of her numbers.

I'm up to sing any time. What are you singing? What have you sung people down the aisle to? Just whatever they ask. It'll be like a group of actors would sing in beautiful harmony. It's one of the most beautiful things you've ever heard. I've sung a lot. No.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, he said this morning, I'm on a new app. I was like, sir, you've got a, sir, you've got a girlfriend. What do you want an app for? Because that's my immediate, when someone says app. This is producer Jared, by the way.

Yeah, I was getting to that. I was crafting a story. You take too long. We're not invested if we don't know who we're talking about. You lost the listener. So you have a girlfriend. Talk about apps, how apps are more, you know, just indicate dating. It's producer Jared.

It was literally just around the corner and you couldn't wait. But anyway. Producer Jared. It was down the road, Bourne. It was down the road, Warren. It was down the road. You could have gone on four more tangents. You're taking us down the tangent now. Producer Jared, you're on a new app.

Tell everybody what this app is because it's not, you know, the end game isn't hooking up. Yeah, it's a new one for me. This one is called Be My Eyes. And basically, now that I'm part of this society, I'll get random notifications, which I'll then answer, and it'll be a visually impaired person from somewhere around the world asking me which milk is the right milk for them

or which top is the blue top. This is amazing. Oh, yeah're right. Phenomenal, eh? Great idea. Guys, Jared's going to heaven. Philanthropic stock over here. Hey, woo.

Wow. So that's a... Charity. Charity philanthropic stock. He is a beautiful ex of charity. So what a great idea. Yeah, so there's 6 million volunteers and 440,000 blind people looking to be connected.

Okay. What a great idea. Be my eyes. So you just get a random notification. If you can't answer it in that moment, you don't leave someone without help. Yeah, there's 6 million volunteers to 400,000 blind people. So, you know, if someone's going to answer.

I did the math. I think it's like 13 volunteers per person. Are there any examples of, like, when you're signing up for the app, any examples of how it works? Yes. Now, if I find the right button, I can answer a call. Don't do it now. Are you answering a call?

Thank you for downloading the app. Now you're ready to use it. You just need to be logged in. You don't need to have it open. As long as you have the app on your phone, it should be working fine. And it just tells you an example call. I've downloaded, I'm in. So that ring and say,

you use milk as an example, there was've downloaded. I'm in. Yeah. So they'll ring and say, like, you used milk as an example. There was no discernible difference between two milk bottles, but they were like. Shredding for the wedding. Shredding. Yeah. So they want to trim. Or there was those Tetra packs, and they were like,

I want the oat one, but there's three here. Can you tell me if they're all oat or. Yeah. And I was kind of like, well, surely there's people in the grocery store nearby to ask. But then also, what if they are at home alone? Yeah. Emergency.

What a great idea. Yeah. I think it's quite neat. Because, you know, like it's an app. Yeah. How long before somebody uses this for, you know. Naughty things. Naughty things like.

Dips. I don't know. They're not going to see the diddle though, are they? Oh, they're like, hey... I don't know. They're not going to see the diddle though, are they? They're like, hey, I need your help. It's a voice. What do you think of my willy? This could actually be the first step that guys and their willies couldn't wreck.

No, guys and their willies could because blind guys have got willies. Yeah. And so they could be like, hey, I need help. This is my willy. Yeah. What colour jumper is this? J need help this is my willy yeah is what colour jumper is this jokes is my ball yeah

oh surely they wouldn't abuse a good idea like that it's such a great idea for an app so you go on and it says yeah join the community see the world together

but wait who have you helped so far no one I only installed it this morning oh he's not going to have any oh I've got the app too. You just haven't helped anyone yet.

Is there a hearing one? I was just thinking how that would work. Be my ears where they would ring you and it would be a video call. And you'd type it out? And there could be a text or they... Yeah, they would video call and they would say, like, what's that? Or I... Yeah, can you hear that? Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah. But it would... Probably wouldn't be as... No, it wouldn so. Yeah. But it would be like alarms. No, it wouldn't be as. But they'd be able to see the writing themselves. Someone far smarter than me has already got the answer to this question. Oh, my God, you can select languages that you could translate into. And Maori is an option. I mean, I'm not selecting it.

Mine's quite poor, but it's pretty cool. That's great. Yeah, awesome. Okay, well, if that sounds like a bit of you and you want to help out. That's what I'm doing. Allow access to microphone. Allow notifications. What's the app called again? Be My you want to help out. That's what I'm doing. Allow access to microphone. Allow notifications. What's the app called again?

Be My Eyes. Be My Eyes. There we go. What are you good? Great charity from Jared there and yourself, Hayley. Yeah, thank you. I'm on. Okay, well, you do some today and report back tomorrow.

Somebody messaged in. Best app. I'm also a member. And somebody said, I've answered 20 Be My Eyes calls. That's great. That's so good. But you know me, this is terrible

because I'll just start chatting and I'll make friends. I'll be like, oh, it's to the left, that one to the left, you've got it. What are you doing today? You've got a best friend

who's French. Oh my God, bonjour, bonjour. With visual impairment. Oh my gosh. Fantastic. More friends for me.