ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 27th January 2022

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

Tim Tam Rankings  White Goose  Jimny!!  Hayleys Package  Silly Little Poll!  Bet I Can Guess Your Mums Name!  Hayleys Mo  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletchvorn and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, try their refreshing McCafe iced coffee, available now at Macca's. I was just, I don't know exactly what got me thinking about caricatures. I think you've added in a syllable there. Yeah, I think I have your caricatures. Caricature.

Caricature. No, you're putting a T in. Those people on the pier that do your caricature for $5 or $10. Which pier are we talking about? They're always on a pier. They're always on a pier. Do we have piers? We don't.

Oh, we do. Or a cobbled walk. Yep. Like around the harbour front in Sydney I was thinking like Venice Beach Yes What are you laughing at? So Jared

Yeah Jared sent through This is I've seen his caricature I never knew you were so large in the forehead We talked about it when we were playing Dungeons and Dragons Caricature Oh right nerd And

Nerd We I was saying I'd be very interested to know What feature of mine Um, caricature Oh right, nerd And um, we I was saying I'd be very interested to know What feature of mine They would choose to exaggerate wildly Because they always kind of focus on one thing It's like any of the political cartoons Or the caricatures, they accentuate

Yes The nose or the forehead The ears, the teeth, the eyes I've had a couple done before One one of which I was a kid, and I don't know why. They really focused in on the scar on my face. Isn't it on The Simpsons when Lisa Simpson gets one, and they're like, you like roller skates?

And they drew on roller skates, and they drew her with braces or something? I can't remember that. I mean, The Simpsons has covered everything. Producer Jared, who did this caricature of you? Because you don't have a giant forehead. Jesus. Well, I mean, as far as we know, this forehead goes for miles. It was a local artist when I was in Aussie somewhere.

Who's this girl? That is the ex-girlfriend. This is this great story about this. Jared was quite pleased with how his turned out, and apparently the girlfriend hated it. Do you have a photo of her for comparison? No, I don't. You're very thick in the neck.

Thick in the neck, thick in the forehead, and the thickest eyebrows I've ever seen. Big eyebrows, nice eyelashes on your character too, but it makes her look like a real bitch. I feel we should post this in the podcast group so people can see this. And then people who are in the podcast family who have had character chews, we want to see yours as well. Oh, yes. Mine was the latest one I had done was maybe like 10 years ago,

and I've got a little flick at the end of my nose, and he drew it like a ski slope see that's how i wonder how they sit down and how they decide what they're gonna do do you think there's any because it was always like the kids that would be like mom dad we want one of these how many childhood traumas came out of these caricatures yeah i know totally i don't know vaughn you're subtle in feature i'm very subtle in feature Little button nose Little button nose Little button nose They couldn't do the nose

Little butty nose Yep Eyes neither sort of Small nor large I wondered if they'd focus On the beard Oh yep If it'd be like

Facial hair heavy Yeah Or if I wasn't wearing a hat I bet they'd just do this Giant bald head Yeah Like a cone head Yeah or Megamind

Yes That blue dude That Will Feddle forced. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't even know what got me thinking about it, but I wondered what they'd focus on. Well, if anyone is listening and they are a caricature artist,

can you please draw one of them? Because when you work at this place for so long, at NZME, which owns a whole lot of radio stations and also the New Zealand Herald. I think old Bill Emerson upstairs who does all the political caricatures. Is it Bill Emerson? I think it's

Rod. Rod Emerson. Rod Emerson. And Todd Yeah, he's an editorial cartoonist. Rod Emerson. Is he the one that does the caricatures of politicians and stuff? I think he'll draw one for you. Oh, he's good.

The company commissions him to draw one of you, and I think someone had been working here and they got one. Oh, right. And that's what made me think. I wonder if he was to look at me, what would pop for him? Yeah. I don't feel mentally stable enough to get one in my 30s. You know what I mean? Yeah, right. Yeah, because it's too late. Yeah. I don't feel mentally stable enough to get one in my 30s.

Yeah, right. Because it's too late. Yeah, and you don't want to sort of receive it and be like, oh, thank you. As you're like crying and walking away. No, that's so funny. I do have terrible posture and a massive nose. It's awesome. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. That's awesome. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Good morning. Sound Splash concert goers. Far out. You're feeling a bit nervous now, wouldn't you? Yeah, well, that news broke last night, didn't it?

They haven't said if it's Delta or Omicron. Yeah, I imagine. Or just a case of whatever's in the Waikato River. Yeah, Giardia. That too, yeah. Could be a ripping case of... Oh my God, what if COVID and Giardia got together? Oh my gosh. And made Covijardia.

Vijardia. I'm sorry, I missed the quote. You don't want to get COVID in your Vijardia. Spanish, of course, for vagina. Imagine the state of your bathroom. It would not be. It would not be good. Do you reckon your relationship would survive having COVID-jadia?

Probably not, no. Every time you sneezed, you would absolutely shit yourself. That'd be horrible. Oh, yeah, absolutely shake yourself. That'd be horrible. Oh yeah, no horrible. Who wants to with anybody with either of those disorders? We'll update you through the morning when we hear more locations of interest. Any kind of news from the ministry

we'll let you know on that because there'll be a lot of nervous Hamiltonians this morning. Coming up on the show the top six. Yeah, the top six reasons Tinder in LA, apparently Tinder HQ, won a workplace award

for the best place to work. Ooh. They must have slides. And nap pods. And nap pods. Yeah, you know, that's the way to go. You know when you see

those offices, there's one in Wellington, isn't there? You walk past and you see they've got a slide. Over the road from the building with the ticker on the top. The Wall Street ticker.

Oh. The stock. Oh, yeah. Near St. John's, near the water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just down from Frank Kitts. Is it zero? Is it zero?

It might have been zero. Oh, I know. It's always a slide. It's always tech startups, right? Yeah. It's always tech startups that have the cool offices. Yeah. Not like some stodgy old accountants.

Oh, no. Accountants never win. Oh, no. Accountants never win. Mind you, when my mum was working at Cooper Aiken & Co. in Morrinsville, they won an award for Morrinsville's best place to work. Did they? Yeah, and they had high staff satisfaction. Wasn't that just muffins at morning tea? That's all it took.

Who's putting in a silly bloody slide? If they put a slide in and Christine had had to take the slide every day, she would have hurt her hip. Yeah, but bran blueberry muffins at 10.30. Well, not bran. Not bran. That'll go straight through you. You're going to lose productivity because all the middle-aged ladies

are going to eat a whole bran muffin. Too fibrous. That's going to get it going. Famously. Right. Once again, imagine the state of the bathroom. Especially if you had to take the slide to get there. So the top six delving into why the Tinder workplace is the best workplace.

Top six reasons. We've got free fuel coming up at 7 and 8 this morning with ZMT Tanks. I'll listen out for the activator. Coming up next, there's a new goal to achieve, shall we say, in the space race. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. We've made a lot of advancements in space travel in the last few years, haven't we? We've got William Shatner up there.

I say we. I have an Amazon Prime subscription, so I'm more than happy to take my slice of that pie. You've helped. Well, the next thing that scientists are turning their head to, putting their heads to, I guess, is sex in space. And, of course, not just for the pleasure of it and the way to pass time for astronauts as they're doing their studies up there.

But as we look forward to the future of moving to Mars, I, for one, can't wait. They're looking at how the change in gravity will affect the conception of a child. Is that because they want to send people to Mars and it takes what? How long to get to Mars? Nine months? Ish.

30 seconds. Okay, it takes 30 seconds to Mars. Two seconds. Jared Leto's band. You've got to live in your Matt Damon pod. Yeah, you've got to live in your Matt Damon pod. Yeah, you've got to live in your Matt Damon pod. Grow some potatoes and then you've got to come back so you could be away for like years.

Yeah, it's not so much about doing it on the rocket as much as when we get there, if it's going to really, what is it saying? Like mess, well not mess. The scientists didn't use the word mess with. Physically rearrange the cells in an embryo. Because we don't know. We've only ever had humans on Earth.

On Earth. And we don't know if being in Mars in different gravity will change the way that the cells are. I just looked up their gravity. It's about a third. It's about a third of Earth's gravity. So you'd weigh a third. So, oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Are we all going to mothers? Oh, my God. You look so thin. My God. I mean, I don't know if it makes you thin instantly. You wear it.

You look incredible. Oh, my God. You wear your 30 kgs. Wow. But so the way they've been testing this is obviously the classic mice. They sent some mice to space with frozen sperm, put them in the mice. The mice came back, prego, up the duff. My babies were fine.

They should have left the mice up there for a stop. And don't just take it. Did a long term study. You're familiar with mice and rats. They'll go on any occasion, the mice up there for a stop. And done a long-term study. You're familiar with mice and rats. They'll go on any occasion and leave them up there. And then when you're done, just jettison them into space. But when we move to Mars, I don't want to move it. It's already got mice.

Like, that's an Earth problem. We should definitely be careful what we take. Yeah. Possums. We should take possums. No. Okay. No possums.

Stones? Yes. We'll need them to hunt the mice. Which we've introduced, yes. Yeah. Possums. We should take possums. No. Okay. No possums. Stoats? Yes. We'll need them to hunt the mice. Which we've introduced, yes. Yeah. And then the rabbits will become a pest, so the stoats will take care of those. Okay.

And then we're going to need a fur trade, so maybe we do take some possums. Yeah. Well, you know, they tested these mice and sperms 20 years ago. So it's been a while. So now that we've sort of worked out that we can go to Mars and we can get to the moon and it's all fine. You'd want to have your baby inside though.

They're refocusing. Because it could float away. No, no, no, no. You've got the umbilical cord. No, but when you cut the cord. Oh, you'd hold on to the cord at the same time. You'd tie them down, harness them down. You'd tether them to something. Yeah, for sure. Oh, you'd hold onto the cord at the same time. You'd tie them down. Harness them down. You'd tether them to something. Yeah, for sure.

Oh, definitely. I definitely think you'd be tethering your baby. A kettlebell. That's a great tether. No, because that would have no, you've got to remember nothing. Oh, that'd be floating too. Yeah, and then of course, if the baby yanks its leg and it's going to get absolutely donked by the kettlebell, it needs to be harnessed, like just the

wall or a hook, like a loading hook. Maybe put a strap on it. Strap the daddy down. It would be quite a cool job, don't you think, to volunteer your womb to science? Yeah. To go up to space just to...

Would you be able to last seven months on the rocket? Well, if my whole purpose of being on the rocket was to be getting down the whole time, I'd be all right. Oh, no. No, no, no, no. So you get into zero gravity. You're like, okay, here begins the journey to Mars. You make baby or you try to make baby and then you're pregnant the entire journey.

And you either have the baby just after you get to Mars or just before you get to Mars yeah no no not a good time you want to settle in and you can't have any nice snacks pregnancy snacks yeah cravings powdered dehydrated junk good luck to that poor woman play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley Arnott's have released a ranking. Now, bear in mind, this is an Australian ranking of its top Tim Tams. You can't trust it then. Well, so they surveyed Australians, thousands of Australians, and said, look, what's your favourite flavour of Tim Tam? Rank them.

And it's bad news for me and white chocolate Tim Tam lovers. Oh, Fletch. They're the lowest. Yeah, because they suck. They are a lot. It's too much. White chocolate is so much. I could eat a whole packet of those.

His tolerance for white chocolate is something. I love white chocolate. When we were on the Whanganui River recently, Fletch took a lot of white chocolate as snacks. And he's like, do you want some white chocolate? And it was like the last two squares of a big Yeah I could easily

smash a whole block We've just started today when you just started eating this he's like before He needed he's a big boy he needs his energy It powered me through the river

Are we talking like a Whittaker's white chocolate or a Milky Bar Love that No love a Milky Bar too and the Milky Bar Gold Oh my god Milky Bar Gold's

better than Caramilk. I'll say it right now. That is a wild claim. That's a good, yeah. I love getting to know you. So, Arnott's, the ranking of Tim Tams, white chocolate came in last, then chocolate mint,

then dark chocolate Tim Tams. They're yum. Chocolate mint is down the bottom. Yeah. Double Coat came in at third most popular Tim Tam flavour. It's like a double dip. Yeah. Just a thicker chocolate, isn't it?

Chewy Caramel, which I have no time for, came in second. I like that. I haven't had that, but I like the sound of it because it sounds like a toffee pop. I love a toffee pop. And Original was the favourite. It's always like this with chips. They rank chips and it's like,

ready salt for this number one. It's like, get a life, you. People are boring. People are really slow. People are very boring, aren't they? Yeah, plain. I love anything mint choc. If me and Aaron are indulging in a trumpet.

Oh, mint choc trumps. Mint choc trumps. Top, top, top, top, tops. Always. Yeah. But yeah, they haven't got the flavour the flavor because you know they do those special flavor ones they haven't got those in there because i think they're yeah your core flavors that is like yeah was it it was tim times it did like um yarra valley orange and coriander from from u. They got real crusty. Murray River salt and Bongdungwanga caramel.

They got really carried away with themselves. It's like, calm down, you're a Tim Tam. I think you're forgetting your roots. Well, yeah, original's where it's at. And nobody's getting a chit-chat, are they? No, no, no, no. But a chit-chat's a New Zealand Tim Tam, right? Yeah, yeah. That's Griffins, isn't it? at. And nobody's getting a chit chat, are they? No, no, no, no. But a chit chat's a New Zealand Tim Tam, right? Yeah, yeah. That's Griffins, isn't it?

Yes. But it's also... I haven't had a chit chat for years. I think it's because Tim Tam's definitely got the better marketing than a chit chat. Oh yeah, chit chat looks embarrassing. But I have to say, I'm not a Tim Tam lover. At all? No. I think they're really full noise. I think they're a bit full on.

You're too much of a puss. She's a super wine. I'm not man enough. I'll say it, I'm not man enough. She loves a super wine. What a crispy, no, what's the? Your crispies? Yeah, crispies.

With the coconut. Yum. Yeah, okay. Loves a dry mouth. Do you know what I do love? It's a chocolate-dipped digestive. Oh, man, you've got to be careful. That's too much.

You know your diabetes, your flare. From the underground ZM Think Tank, this is the top six. Hi there. Tinder apparently is a great place to work. Nicole Senior, Vice President of Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Culture at Tinder said, People are at the heart of Tinder's mission and it all starts with our employees. What company doesn't say that? Yeah. But, you know, maybe she's not lying because...

They've won awards, haven't they? Yeah, it has been named to built in LA's... This is who gives out these awards. LA's 2022 Best Places to Work Awards. And the following category is number one in places to work, number one in mid-sized companies to work for, companies with the best benefits and best paying companies. Well, we say Tinder is a mid-sized company.

That's what I was surprised. It's a massive multinational now, right? It's everywhere. Well, it's everywhere. Compared to like Amazon. Yeah, but compared to Amazon and Apple, it wouldn't be. It's smaller. Yeah.

But like I haven't heard, looking at these other awards, I haven't heard of any of these other companies. Right. But then also, what tech companies are based in LA? Most of them are based in like San Fran, right? Well, that's California. Yeah.

Yeah, but this is just LA. Oh, just LA. Yeah, that's true. Okay. So I've done a bit of a deep dive into what makes them the best company to work for.

You found the real reasons. The categories, yes. So the top six reasons Tinder's the best place to work in LA. Number six, free reasons. All these different categories, yes. So the top six reasons Tinder's the best place to work in LA. Number six, free photocopying. Oh, yep. And you get to see all the massive dongs.

Yeah. Are you allowed dongs on Tinder? You get to see them. If you worked at Tinder, if you're not allowed, they'll get seen before you're removed. Yeah, but you're not allowed a dong on your profile. You'll get removed. Well, you can see all the dongs. It's a cheat code. You get to see all the dongs. Yeah, but you're not allowed a dong on your profile. You'll get removed. Well, you can seal the dongs.

It's a cheat code. You get to seal the dongs. Right, okay. That'll be a cool job title, like Dong Remover. Yes. I work for Tinder. I'm the official dong remover. Yeah, I'm the dong filter guy.

You'd get a lot of work done, eh? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay, guys, last one, last one, last one. Look at this one, look at this one. You might need a recipes folder on the desktop. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. Number five on the one. Look at this one, look at this one. You might need a recipes folder on the desktop. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

Number five on the list of the top six reasons Tinder's a great place to work. Great parking. Oh, yeah. And you get first pick of all the hotties. Yeah. So that probably helps. I'm imagining everyone has a computer, right, and they... Yeah.

Well, you'd look at the profiles, and if someone was, like, absolutely up your alley, you'd disable their profile so that no one else could get to them. Bingo. And then you'd message them and be like, hey, hey girl.

Oh, hey, what up? Make them a ghost profile. Thank you. And then, number four on the list of the top six reasons Tinder's the best place to work biscuits

at morning tea. Oh. And, you get to destroy your ex's account when they start one. Yes. You've got that access.

You would have access to other photos as well of them, and you could upload them to their profile. You can nerf them. Really unflattering stuff. Yes. Or like, you know, I remember when you wore that not-so-appropriate costume at Halloween in 2011. Yes.

Oh, there it is. We painted our face a little dark, didn't we? Yes, we did. Stephen, it's your main picture. Number three on the list of the top six reasons Tinder's the best place to work. Great social sports program. Oh, yeah. And unlimited super likes and no one can left swipe you.

Love that. To get rid of you, they have to right swipe you. And then, of course, there's a contract. Yeah. You've got yourself a date. I love it. I mean, it's really rigging the game, isn't it? Stacking the deck.

Yeah. Why wouldn't you stack the deck in your favour? Number two on the list of the top six reasons Tinder is the best place to work in LA. Fruit platter every day. Oh, lovely. And you get to rank people's jennies. Oh, yeah. So, again, there's no jennies on there, Vaughn. Do you think there's an internal network of the Jennys?

Of the band photos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The band profile pics. Okay. And you get to rank them every month. Do your ranking. I imagine they put them all up on the big screen

and at their like staff drinks. Yeah, they'd have a big conference room with like one of those huge projector screens. With all the band Jennys. They pour the drinks and they go, all right, let's start off with Kyle. Kyle's dong. Thoughts?

Thoughts out of five. Near the bottom. Are you going to go out of ten? What do you rank a dong at? Out of ten or out of five? I'd go a ten because there's so many different factors. Yeah, but you do movies at five stars and there's so many different factors.

Yeah. I think it's a ranking out of ten, not a star system. No. Really? Yeah, there's a lot to think about it. Okay. Lots of variances. Number one on the list of the top six reasons Tinder's the best place to work in LA,

Friday night drinks, and you just get to sit and watch all the DMs. Oh, yes. Now, that's probably where you... Imagine that. Yeah. Do they have access to your DMs? I'm sure there's like a privacy thing there. Surely there's a back door. Well, the police

have to be able to access them if they want to. Yeah, and they need to know that everything's kosher, right? Yeah. That's what I've been telling myself when two very popular Tinder users finally started DMing each other about, open it up, get it on the big screen.

Pour me an old-fashioned. Let's get Kyle's dong off the screen and put this up. Kyle, enough of your dong. The two hotties are DMing each other. Let's see what they're sending. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Executive intern Aina received an email.

We actually heard the ding, didn't we? We did. We heard the ding of the email pre-show. Early email, we thought. She read, she digested, and then she. We had the ding of the email pre-show. Early email, we thought. She read, she digested, and then she shared with us the contents of the email, which are? It is a music submission

coming to you from Jakarta. Jakarta, Indonesia. Yeah, right. This happens sometimes, eh? Like, I get the odd email that's like, hey, I'm starting a band. Yeah. Here's something I've recorded in my garage.

Can you play it on air? Well, I mean, that's nothing to laugh about. No, because some people, remember Daniel Bedingfield made a song in his bedroom. People make songs on planes. Oh, Billie Eilish made her first album in a bedroom. In a bedroom, yeah. I know I wasn't scoping it,

and I'm just saying people take their shot. Oh, yeah. But you're singing to the wrong guy because I've got nothing to do with the music selected here We've got zero pull when it comes to music Like literally just turn up and press, I press bass bar like a DJ Otherwise it'd be a lot more Bruce Springsteen

It would be a really if we were going one for one it would be a very unusual station to listen to If we had one song each Metallica fans get excited. Because then I get excited and I'll play some folk song from 1920s Bulgaria that I quite like to the sound of the oompa. And then it would be a very weird mix.

Nobody would be listening. Now, what does this email say? It says, hello, Anna. We are White Goose, an alternative rock band from Jakarta, Indonesia, consisting of four musicians. White Goose. How did they know your name? How did they get your email?

I think I come up as the contact for the show on the website. So I get a lot of these. You must get a lot of emails already in the last couple of weeks asking for my number then. Asking for the complaints process Yes I do I think it's more appropriate I would like to contact her personally for what she said She has angered me and my very

aggressive family So it said here we attach our single Don't which will be released on December 31st 2021 Oh my god we're getting this late aren't we So they've emailed you today which will be released on December 31st, 2021. Okay. Oh, my God.

We're getting this late, aren't we? Sorry, so they've emailed you today with a will be released. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, along with a very great press kit. What's in the press kit? Some photos of these handsome young people? Some photos, a little bit about each performer, the Spotify links, the Apple links.

We've got it all. White goose. White goose. Now, don't Google white goose Jakarta because you do just get a lot of photos of white geese. Yeah, that's what I've just done here. Oh, are they nice? White goose music.

Do they have nice geese in Jakarta? Very white, very clean. I would have thought they would have been dirty as well. Too hot for a goose. You know, like some city grime. City grime. No, no, no. They are gorgeous.

Oh, no, here they are. Found white. Oh, no, that's the snow goose. Oh, I'm out. Okay, all right. So that's an important lesson. I suggest changing their name. Yeah, that's an important lesson when naming your band.

Don't name it something that's already dominated on Google by something else. Well, I've got the song here. I'll be honest, I'm reluctant to play it. Oh, but I'm a bit of an alt-rock girl. I'm down for a listen. Well, see, I love alt music and indie music. Yeah. So maybe we'll give it a go.

I'm happy to diptoe. Okay. What's our thoughts on if it's really shit? We're not playing the whole thing anyway. I think it's just a very classy, gentle fade out, and we'll move on. Like it never happened. And we can just point people to White Goose on Spotify or whatever.

White Goose from Indonesia. Alt-rockers who have contacted us via email with their new song, which came out a month and a half ago. Oh! Yeah, guitar there. A Shania Twain vibe. It does have a country feel to that guitar, doesn't it? I feel we'll just commentate over this. Yeah, director's cut.

So far I'm not getting alt rock. What do you get, like a classic? Country rock. Oh, yeah. What a rap! Isn't that Linkin Park? The Linkin Park. Yeah, yeah, What a rap. What's it about Linkin Park? The Linkin Park. Yeah, yeah, there's a real...

Watch the, the, watch you go. It sounds, it sounds like Linkin Park. Yeah. Could we be breaking Indonesia's Linkin Park into the mainstream? Does White Goose have management? Could we do an international management role for White Goose, do you think? I don't think so, eh? Whitegoose at gmail.com.

It doesn't scream international act, does it? Not yet, because they don't have the right management in place. Bridge. A bit flat, bit flat. How do you know that? Oh, you're trained musically, yeah. Okay. Just a slight demi-tone off.

Should we fade this out? What's a demi-tone? Like, just just off. Oh, just off. Just off. You're a perfectionist. A tone's well off. Semi-tone's also unacceptable.

Demi-tone. I'm going to fade it out. Yeah. I'm going to fade it out. Well, I like that they took their shot. They took their shot. And you know what? We gave them some airplay, didn't we?

Yeah. Indonesia's Linkin Park. You heard it here first. Well, Vaughn, you've got a big old smile on your face. Yeah. Yeah. Happy days. Early at work today. A little bit earlier than usual. So you could got a big old smile on your face. Yeah, yeah, happy days. Early at work today.

A little bit earlier than usual. So you could drive the new Suzuki Jimny. Yep, I got my Jimny yesterday. Unspawn. Unspawn. Absolutely non-spawn. You paid for this. I paid.

You sent us a very funny photo because I've been eyeing up the Jimny for a long time because it's a lady car. I'll hear you out. I think it's an everybody car. No, it is an lady car. I'll hear you out. I think it's an everybody car. No, it is an everybody car. Not a big family car. No, and I've got a big boy. You've got a big boy.

And sometimes I carry a big keyboard around, and the two-door's not for me. I'll sell you on it. And again, I'm completely not on commission. Non-spot. Lots of room in the front. Really? Oh, yeah, big boy.

Not a huge back seat. Height? Yeah. Headroom and legroom? I said yesterday when I was picking it up, so Aaron, me, my mate Johnny. And who's the other dude? Big unit.

I was like, I want to get the four of us in the chimney to see how it won't be much fun for the people in the back. Vaughn, you're six foot two? Yeah. And your fiancé Aaron is six six. Oh, Ross. Ross Boss.

Ross Boss. Yeah. Old knees up Ross. Well, that's the thing. It all depends on distribution as well. Aaron's very limmy. Whereas I'm long bod, but he's long in the limbs.

He's long in the limbs, short in the torso. Because you put up a photo yesterday standing next to the new car. It's on my Instagram if you want to see my cool new Jimny. But you're double the height. I see them everywhere and I think they're cool. Yeah. But seeing you next to it, I was like, oh my God, you are huge compared to that car.

I know. But it's so much fun. Are we all getting in? Yes. The six of us, can we get in? I reckon the six of us could fit in. Okay. Because it's got the back door. The six of us, can we get in? I reckon the six of us could fit in. Okay. Because it's got the back door. It's not a two door, is it?

It's one two and then a three. Because your keyboard could go in the back. It's long though. Easy. I would imagine it could fit in the back. Right. Okay. Yeah. But you've decided to... H.R.A. was very like, oh my god, like I was very excited about this.

You know when you're really excited about something and your partner just nigs it the whole time? I actually had to ask her to stop. I said, please, I've really been looking forward to this. I saved up lots of my monies. Yeah. All my pocket monies. You saved up your allowance.

Yeah. And I'm really excited about this. And you're kind of negging the whole experience. Yeah. And she was like, and she could see I was serious. And she's like, oh, I'm sorry. Because she kept saying to me, are you laughing at me because of the size of my automobile? Because of that episode of The Simpsons where the very tall man hops out of the very small car.

But then she had to drive and she was like, okay, it's kind of fun. She's down. Yeah. It should look great in that car, actually. It's a fun little car. Yeah. Well, the number plate, because that was the other that car, actually. It's a fun little car. Yeah. Well, the number plate, because that was the other big thing. Big chats about the number plate before I got it.

What was it going to be? It starts with NZ. Oh, okay. NZZ. Well, that's good. Yeah, that's not a bad number plate, eh? That's really good. Very patriotic.

Yeah, I've named her. Her name is Jemima. Yeah. Oh, nice. Jemima the Jimny. You've taken to starting something or participating in? Well, this is, I didn't want to ask Jimny owners until I had a Jimny. I don't want to seem like a try hard.

But I know in my Land Rover, when I'm driving around in my old Land Rover, you've got to flash your lights and wave to every other Land Rover driver. And I flashed them the L. Oh, yes. But it flashed them the L. Oh, yeah. But it has to be backwards to me. It's an L with your right hand because it has to look like an L to them. The loser. Land Rover.

Oh, okay. I thought it was like, beep, beep, loser. Beep, beep, what up, loser? I give them the L. Right. Because that's Land Rover. But now I've got the Jimny. Yep.

I do an L with my actual left hand, but I curve the thumb. Now, you see when I was driving, I see my first Jimny. I've been waiting for it. I'm very excited. I flash the lights, and I give them the J, and they just, like, waved. Oh, okay. So do I do the J for Jimnyiny or do I take both hands off the wheel and do that old school S for the Suzuki?

Were you wearing a hat or were you bald? Because raising your hand like that looks a little bit white supremacist. And the issue with your J is you're not going like a single finger J, you're going a flat palm, which again leans quite hard into the supremacy. You think it looks like...

Into a Hitler. Oh my God, no sir. into the supremacy. You think it looks like into a Heil Hitler. Oh my God, no sir. And if you see a bald white guy driving by in a four-wheel drive and he goes, beep, beep, Heil Hitler. Well, the Germans and the Japanese were together, weren't they, in World War II? Yeah, well.

I don't want any confusion. I'd work on the J. What about just a wave? You don't need to do a litre. No, I've got to have a special- You've got to have a special- What about you do this? I can't do a good J. Like a little pinch sign.

Yeah. Like, look at my little car. Like, beep, beep. Little isn't it? Little car. Little car. If you know what they say about men with little cars. Yeah, little car.

What? Little car. If you know what they say about men with little cars. Yeah, little car. What? Little worries. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Keeping up to date with the news just became a little easier. As it heralds new podcasts, the front page is your short, sharp daily news podcast. Join me, Damien Venuto, every weekday morning as I chat with journalists and newsmakers going behind the headlines to break down what you need to know on the biggest news stories of the day. Listen to the front page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts and follow us on

iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Play ZMD Tag. Well, ZMD Tag, it is a chance for you to win some free fuel and fill up. I saw a news story yesterday, like fuel, the headline was fuel inches closer to $3. There was a petrol station in Monaco that had $3 fuel. What? What the real expensive stuff? With the premium. Yeah.

Maybe, yeah, maybe. $95. Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, that's... Is anything getting cheaper at the moment? Um, no. Okay.

Okay. I don't think anything is, no. That's a good call. What is getting cheaper? Something must be bringing it into balance. No. No, nothing. Like, the thing, like, your rent or your mortgage, up.

Your food, badly up. Well, if you haven't got a pay rise, you're getting cheaper, aren't you? Labour's getting cheaper. Labour's technically getting cheaper. Okay, that's some positive news. Alex joins us. Good morning, Alex. Good morning.

How are you? Good, good. Now, how risk-averse are you? Are you a bit of a gambling man? Yeah. You're going to... Good, good. Now, how risk-averse are you? Are you a bit of a gambling man? Do you... Yeah. Are you going to... I do like a little punt,

so we might let it ride out for a while. Okay, because the fuel pump could cut off at any stage. If that happens, you lose, but at any stage, you can say, stop, and that fuel amount is yours. Let's go. $10. $10. $20.

$55. Oh, my God. $70. $95. $125. Oh, my God. I literally in my head just said, get out now. Get out now.

$125 is locked in. You said you like a punt. Yeah, I let that ride for a little, well, a full tank at least anyway. I thought you were going to go a bit higher. Well, let's see how high it would have gone, Alex. $155. Yes. That's okay.

Great work, Alex. Congratulations. $125 is yours. It's a full tank. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. If you've been following my neighbour saga, we have worked out that maybe I'm the problem. Common denominator. Yeah.

Met an a-hole in the morning, you met an a-hole, met an a-hole, meet a-holes all day, you're probably the a-hole. You're the a-hole. So your last neighbours at your old place, very loud. Very loud. We didn't get on.

They wanted to fight me one day. They peed in my car bench. at your old place. Very loud. Very loud. We didn't get on. They wanted to fight me one day. They peed in my car vent. I thought it was the place before that that peed in your car vents. It was the place before me. And then I moved and I was like, yay. And then they were the ones that said, you won't have a go.

You won't have a fight. So that's two in a row. So that's two in a row. And then, no, no, no. This is not like that. This is, we have moved into a beautiful, quiet neighbourhood. Okay. beautiful, quiet neighbourhood. Okay.

Quiet, quiet neighbourhood. Well, you had one party, didn't you? We had one party on New Year's, and oh my Lord, we made so much noise, but thankfully all of our neighbours were away. But no, yesterday it had more of a sort of embarrassing run in. I've just realised where this story ends, and I feel... Now you've got to work out how you're going to get to it. Oh no, why do we keep doing this?

So yesterday it was very hot in the afternoon. So hot in the afternoon. And I just thought, I can't wear a top. It was 28 degrees. It was 28 degrees. And now we have no sunshade. So our backyard from like 11am till about 8pm is just scorching desert. And we were sort of out and about

measuring up some things and looking in the backyard and Aaron was getting the barbecues started and I just couldn't wear a top. So I just took off my top. Well you're allowed to, it's your house. It's my backyard, it's very private like high fenced, no one can see in. Took off my top so I was just wearing a bra. Oh so you were wearing

a bra? Oh yeah, I wasn't boobies, boobies nips were in. Took off my top so I was just wearing a bra. Oh so you were wearing a bra? Oh yeah I wasn't boobies boobies nips were in. You don't want Aaron grabbing the nips thinking they're the Rissols. No absolutely not. Flipping them on the barbecue hot plate. Because that was your nickname at school wasn't it? Old Rissol. It was. How do you bring that up? Old Rissol Sprout.

It was a better class of nickname at a private school, wasn't it? The Rissouls were tucked away inside my brassiere. Okay. But they were out and about. Yeah. Anyway, so I went down to the garage because Aaron had finished cooking the chicken and I went to go grab the plate. And as I was grabbing the plate, we heard the crunch crunch on the gravel of our driveway.

We turned around, and I just saw someone I didn't know. And Aaron was like, oh, that's our neighbour from next door. And I hadn't met them yet, and Aaron had. And I was like, Aaron, I'm not wearing a top. He was like, go find out what he wants. What, has Aaron got his dong out? Why isn't he going? He was barbecuing.

He was dealing with the meat. Turn it off. Too much. Leave it be. Anyway, has Aaron got his dong out? Why isn't he going? He was barbecuing. He was dealing with the meat. Turn it off. Too much. Leave it be. Anyway, so I sort of turned around. Hi. And Aaron came out. Oh, you know,

this is Hayley. And we met. And you could just, it was, there was no secret that I wasn't wearing a top. Yeah. But I just started chatting.

Yeah. And I started, like, sort of aggressively chatting to try to distract him from my breasts, basically. Where are his eyes? are his eyes oh away anywhere but my face basically anywhere but my boobs yeah he's doing his absolute best and we were chatting away uh and he turned up because uh he had a package that had been delivered to his door and it was for me and he said oh you know this got delivered to our house and i thought i'd bring it over to you. I was like, oh, awesome. And I looked at it and I was like, I don't know what this is.

Health something. You know, this seemed a health something, Auckland. I was like, I have no idea what this is. I kept looking at Aaron. What is this? What could it be? Aaron was like, I don't know. And I looked at the guy and I was like, I don't know what it is.

And he was like, I didn't open it. And I was like, oh, of course you didn't. Oh. And I was seconds away from opening it when't know what it is. And he was like, I didn't open it. And I was like, oh, of course you didn't. Oh, and I was seconds away from opening it when I realised what it was. Supplements. Not supplements. Well, kind of supplements.

A company had reached out to me a few days earlier and wanted to send me a vibrator. An adult vibrator. An adult fun toy. Well, that's a supplement, isn't it, of sorts? It's a supplement of sorts. It's a sexual supplement. And literally as I was about to peel it open and sort of keep chatting with my boobs out

and open this package, it kind of dinged at me immediately that my new neighbour is now talking to me, having no top on, and he's hand-delivered my new neighbour is now talking to me having no top on and he's hand delivered my new vibrator. And then I thought, well it's okay. But he doesn't know it's a vibrator. He's definitely going home

to Google the company though. Yeah. Totally. He's seen the address and stuff. He's probably like, I'm going to have to Google that because she's very cagey about this. I know. With her wrist holes. I think he would have seen, because he was staring me so deeply in the eye to avoid obviously the fact that I wasn't wearing a top. Yeah.

He probably would have seen the moment that I went, stop opening it right now. And then he left. We had a lovely chat. Lovely guy Yeah I think we'll get on Like a house on fire Except for the fact That he's living next door

To some sexual deviance Some pests Of course Some pests Absolutely This is the second day in a row Anyway Thank God he didn't know

Then I shared the story With you guys And you made me say it on radio So now he does know So there you go neighbour Well the internet is divided Currently and you made me say it on radio, so now he does know. So there you go, neighbour. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, the internet is divided currently after a man took to Reddit to share a Twitter conversation

he'd had with a potential suitor, a woman. A Tinder conversation. A Tinder convo that had turned sour quite quickly after he made an immature joke and she didn't appreciate it. And so he took to Reddit to ask, am I a douchebag or did she blow up for no reason? This is how the conversation went.

Chit, chat, chit, chat, flirt, flirt, flirt, going well, going well. Then he says, what are you now, 32, right? That's my age. She says, yep, as of yesterday. And he says, another year right? That's my age. She says, yep, as of yesterday. And he says, another year closer to those senior citizen discounts. That's the joke. Not a very funny joke.

No, but not offensive. It's factual. It is factual. That's factual. Every second we live, we're closer to the senior citizen. And I mean, have you seen the Gold Card discounts? Oh, I can't wait. I want them now. I want them now.

They won't be around when we get to that age. No. As the screenshot shows, she did not appreciate this joke. She does not. She said, use this as a learning opportunity. I am completely secure in my age, but saying that sort of thing to any woman will not go well. By saying it, I realise you are too immature for me,

so thank you and have a great night. Oh, suck it up, darling. You sound like an absolute nightmare. Darling, darling. You sound like an absolute punish. Hon, hon. Hon, you need to calm down. I would say, I mean, if he had made the joke about saying

you're a step closer to, you know, the end of your fertile window, I understand how that might seem offensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that or, you know, something about the woman's body clock. Not to be joked about, is it? Not to be joked about at all. But I don't think he did that. No, I don't think so either.

I think it's just, you know, he's probably in his 30s as well and that's what you start to think. He's like a proper adult now and one step closer to getting old. Like if she'd made a joke about some senior citizens' discounts and that banter had continued. Or she would have just said, ha, yeah, totally, and changed the conversation. But she did not like it.

And so he got a little bit of a bee in his bonnet and went back and was like, what, you don't like jokes? You say you're completely secure in your age and you proceed to have a meltdown over an age joke. Pretty sure that means you're not secure. Blah, blah, blah. They went back and forth for a bit. I was like, just let it off.

Wow. I think he's dodged a bullet there. Yeah. But everyone on the internet, so he shared it, and people are just like split. Really? Some of them ripped into him for his basic lack of social skills. It was like, dude, all you had to say was, yeah, as of yesterday,

turn 32, oh, happy birthday, and then move on. But he's trying to show that he's got a jolly sense of humour. Yeah, a bit of banter. Yeah, you've got to know if your humour aligns, because if your humour doesn't align, you're never going to last. But also I feel like all three of us um could quite you know we'd take a bit of ribbing and joking and you know well i just called hayley rissolnips before and i didn't even get like and it like didn't even upset me at all or anything you know i know how to take a joke

see and i know how to read a woman i See? And I know how to read a woman. I'd know if she was upset. I'm very in tune with female moods. I reckon he's absolutely dodged a bullet. I know this kind of woman. And she's not a lot of fun. No. She needs someone a bit more serious. Regardless of gender, if somebody is not, you know, I'm not saying he's a comedian by any stretch of the imagination, but like if a guy said that

to another guy and he got offended, you'd be like, this guy's offended because I said he's a bit closer to senior citizens, this counts? Yeah. I know. People were saying, oh, what, you know, couldn't you do the classic, 32, I thought you were 27. I'm like, get over, no one's ashamed of being 32 years old.

You don't need to make any comment about it. I don't know. I personally think you should be ashamed of being 32 years old. You're neither old enough to be an adult nor young enough to be a child. Oh. Silly, silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Well, our silly little pole today. Yeah. Resharing birthday posts on your Instagram story. This is where someone will be like, Happy birthday to like the best chick. My day one wifey. If I ride or die.

No one drinks pills like you, babes. I feel personally attacked. You're just like, thank God to be true. Let's forget about those nine to 15 times that we've called each other horrendous words because we've drunk too much. We are forever. And then you tag in the birthday girl or birthday boy. More often than not, it's the birthday girl. And then when it's someone's birthday, there's like, you're just pressing tap, tap, tap, tap through the story.

There's like 15 or 20. Because you tag them in. It's a great photo of you, an average photo of the birthday person. Yes, always. And then you tag them in and then they get the mention thing and then they share the story. For what purpose, I'm not sure. To let everybody know it's their birthday? One would be sufficient.

One would be sufficient and would also ignite any want for anybody else to put up a birthday story for you. Yes. I, on my birthday, I do a post myself. I'll choose a great photo of me and say, it's my birthday. And then you don't have to. Because the only reason you're doing it is because you're like, what?

It's my birthday. So, like, if you want to send me a message, that's awesome. Oh, my God. Tell everyone. So if you do a post and you're up front about the fact like, hey, it's my birthday, you can just comment on this. Give me attention. Give me attention and compliments. Top three things you like about me.

Yeah, exactly. I'm going to do that this year. Yeah, top three things from everybody. Is it going to hurt when people only come up with one or two? Yeah, when they're like, you are really funny, you're tall, and you've got brown hair.

That last one does feel like a fella. You are a person. You are so kind, you drive to the speed limit, and your mum's name is Patsy. Oh my god, thank you so much. Mix up those two posts and we'd probably get a bit of Drive. Yes, you do. Do that. To the speed limit. Yeah. And your mum's name is Patsy. Yes.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. Mix up those two posts and we'd probably get a bit of truth there. Yeah. So we ran a poll. How do you feel about people resharing birthday stories? Yeah.

Birthday posts. 69%. Nice. Said no. It's annoying. 30% said yeah, it's annoying. 30% said yeah, it's cute. Yeah.

30% said yeah, it's cute. But do you think- An overwhelming majority said no, it's annoying. Should we have maybe worded that when other people do it? Because I feel like everyone does it, but just- You, yeah. It's fine when it's your birthday, but when it's everyone else's, you're just like, nah. Over. Anne is a little birthday post-sharer.

She messaged in saying you can reshare them, not so that everyone else sees, but so that they stay in your memories or story archive, and you can reflect on everyone's kind messages later. Bullshit. How often? This is going to happen every single year, so you don't have to reflect

It's going to come around In 364 days Screen cap it If that's what it's for Screen cap it You know Chuck it in a special Little folder

On your phone I don't ever flick Through my memories And remember what The guy I went to Intermediate with Said to me On my birthday

Yeah And she had a photo Of me at 12 yeah you know Geneva writes I hate when people do it for me

that I'm not super close with where they'll put up a birthday post and tag me me in saying happy birthday because I know that their birthdays

are coming up and they're only doing it because they expect one back I never birthday post no neither you'll get to know this about me I never birthday post I run on I run on Facebook get to know this about me. I never birthday post. I run on Facebook, happy birthday.

I don't. But I'm not like publicly doing it. There's birthdays every day and I can't keep up with that. There's so many every day. I hate that too when it's someone who you just, is not involved in your life, you haven't talked to in years. My least favourite one is like, happy birthday, so proud of you. You're like, are you proud? proud of you. You're like,

are you proud? I don't think you're using the word proud right. Okay, wow. Maybe they are proud of what you've achieved. But to be proud they have to sit there at home and be like, wow, Hayley Sproul. And then that's creepy. I'm so proud of her. Yeah, yeah. Like I would be of a child. I went to school with her.

I'm so proud of her. I'm so proud. It's creepy. You didn't help. You didn't do anything. Yeah. I imagine they're putting lip. They've got a, like, they stole that life-size cardboard, cut it from Have You Been Paying Attention TV and said they put a lipstick on it and they're giving you a little kiss

as well. Yeah, and they've cut a little hole in the mouth. Proud of you. Proud of you. Janelle writes, oh God, stop it. We get it. You've got friends and it's your birthday. Peach, Queen Peach writes, oh my God, birthdays are the bomb.

It's nice sharing the love. We get one day a year, guys. Leave our gushy birthday stories out of this. That's such a peach thing to say. Such a peach. Just a little peach. Polly writes, birthday story posts are always a great photo of the person who posted it and not of the person whose posted it and not of the person

whose birthday it is. Yes. And then that, it is a display of vanity and narcissism for the most part. Yeah. When you're putting up

a photo with friends, you're only looking at you, eh? Absolutely. That's why. The worse you look, the better I look. This is why I, if there's a group photo,

I just hand it away and I'm like, pick a green one because I don't care because my eyes are half skew-iff and everything. Can we talk about this group photo, I just hand it away and I'm like, pick a green one because I don't care because my eyes are half skew-iff and everything. Can we talk about this group photo then next to us of the show? Of the show, yeah.

Wow. You guys look great. I look like I'm about to faint. Very anemic. Megan said, perhaps rather than nixing it completely, could we agree on an absolute maximum number of reposts? Two? Two.

No, three. Three. Rule of three. Yeah. Three. Okay. First, second, and third. Oh, my God.

And then you've got MySpace top eight friends all over again. Yeah, but then you're tearing your friends, aren't you? Yeah. You're grouping them. Yeah, maybe just... I think it's just a flat rule of nine. Just know, just know that when you put up more than three, people just start tapping through real quick. Yeah, we just know that when you put up more than three, people just start

tapping through real quick. Yeah, we're skipping through those. We're skipping through. If you're doing it for your own archives, yeah, right. Okay, but sure. So there you go.

Don't do it. It's annoying. Georgia Burt, I'm talking to you. I'm an embarrassment. I've really, I'm just not very cool. You know, and this really hit me yesterday when I was at the gym, how uncool I am.

And I turned up to the gym. I was a little bit early, which was good. I had a PT session at 11. Yeah. I went downstairs. I got changed into my gym gear. Locked up my thing and I thought, I'll go for a little wheeze.

Always good to have a little pre-workout wheeze. Especially when you're doing what I was doing, heavy leg day. You need to get the wheeze out because otherwise it's going to come out whether you like it or not. So I went into the toilet and suddenly I was like, I really need a wheeze. Sat down, pants down, sat down, started to wheeze and instantly big fart came out.

And voluntarily, air escaped from me. And you know when you're in the changing rooms at a gym, it's quite like a hollow space. Yeah. Quite a cold, sterile space. Yeah. And the bowl really resonates the sound. Yeah, it's like a cathedral.

It's like a cathedral. And your anus is like the tabernacle choir. Oh. Well, I let out this fart involuntarily. Yeah. I thought I was just going for an innocent wheeze. Yeah. I let out this fart and it really sung out.

And I could hear the footsteps and like someone in the cubicle next to me, footsteps of other people getting changed, washing their hands out in the basin area. Was it like a Swiss horn? Was it like, you know, you see those goat maids in the Swiss Alps and they blow the horn? They go. No, no. It was much deeper in Tambra.

Yeah, much. No, it wasn't wet like that. It was just a really like low, deep note. Right. And then I instantly was like. Oh, God. Finished my wheeze. And then I was like, well, I can't leave, I guess.

I guess I live here now in this cubicle. Yeah, that's when we got a photo in the group chat. I sent you a photo of me just sort of standing, waiting in the cubicle, letting, honestly, time just fly by because I couldn't leave. Because then I'd have to go out and be like, did you hear that? That was me.

It just escaped. How long? Because did you kind of wait until you heard everybody leave? Yeah, I waited until I heard the like flash and the rattle of the door and the hand wash from the girl who was in the toilet next to me. And then I waited a little bit longer to make sure that those that were getting changed in that area would have had enough time. No one laughed.

And this has happened once before. I was at the opera with my mum. We were in one of those big, fancy theatres in Wellington. And it was halftime and we went out and it was all very stuffy. We were at the opera. The Michael Fowler Centre. I think it was the opera house. And then someone

in the toilet went... And no one said anything. And I was standing in the queue and I just went, are we going to ignore that? And now yesterday I was that girl. You were on the other end of it. And I was so grateful that everyone just ignored it. But I hid.

I hid for a long time. You know, everyone does this. Oh, one just slipped out. Yeah, totally. But the bold acts like an amp. And so how many minutes were you hiding? I reckon the wheeze took me 40 seconds all up until I was done. And I was probably in there for a solid seven to nine minutes.

What? I couldn't leave. I couldn't face it. I don't know why. Your fart to hide ratio was all out there. Oh, it was so bad. Two minutes tops hide. So I wanted to ask you, and that poor woman.

I wanted to ask you guys, you listeners, when were you, as an adult, so embarrassed that you hid? Because hiding is so shameful. You're just basically hanging out with yourself in shame. Yeah. You're an adult and you're like, well, I can't have anyone see me now. No. What if you're in public and you run into people

you don't want to see? I do that all the time. Like say an ex or someone that you're having an argument with. Sometimes it's just a friend and I don't want to talk to anybody. I'm like,

oh, that person, I don't want to talk to. Oh, not today. And so you're ending up hiding in the supermarket or a shop. Yeah. To avoid them.

And then you're going, what am I doing? What am I doing? What is wrong with me? The supermarket's the worst You'll be talking to someone, catch up And then you're like, alright, bye And you go opposite ways down the aisle

But in the next aisle you cross paths You're like, hello again Oh God, I'm just gonna nip back to the produce You start filling with just words and noise But yeah, we want to know When did you do something or when were you so embarrassed that you hid? As an adult.

As an adult. You have to hide yesterday at the gym. I did indeed. Did a fart. Did a fart while I was on the toilet. It bounced around, resonated off the bowl, filled the room, and I hid in the toilet. So we asked you.

Was this before or after I saw you at the gym yesterday? This was before you saw me. You did look a bit like... I know you just had a big PT session, but you did look... I was a bit flushed with shame. Yeah, you had a look of shame on you. Yeah, no. So we asked you,

when did you have to hide as an adult out of shame? Hannah, when did you have to hide as an adult? I'm a teacher. This was pre-COVID. And I had a conspiracy theorist parent coming towards my classroom. So I ran out the fire exit and hid into the bellwether. What? Clay.

Were they about to ask you not to vaccinate their child or something? Oh, this was pre that. Oh, right. How long did you think you'd be able to hide from these parents while you educate their kids? Oh, I did half a year. It was quite good. Right. That's what we heard from a lot of teachers.

They don't want to be bothered out of school time. Oh, so they hide. Yeah, someone said, I'm an early childhood teacher and when I go to get lunch, I'll grab the lunch and then hide and eat it because I don't want to have to talk to people about how their three-year-old's day is going so far.

Yeah, it's always weird when you saw a teacher in the wild. Oh, I know. And you're like, what do I call you? What do I call you? What do I call you? I just felt like

you didn't approach them. Yeah, if like you go to the supermarket and there's a parent there that wants to talk to you. Yeah, you're like, no, no, no, no, no. You'd avoid that.

I'd hide. I'd hide. Hannah, thanks for your call. Anonymous, when did you have to hide as an adult? I had, I took a medication

type, it was a laxative sort of medication for something and a girlfriend said, do you want to come to Farmers? And I said, yeah, sure. Just, I probably shouldn't have, but anyway, we were walking around Farmers and I passed wind and

completely followed through and it was, oh And it was awful. And so I hid in behind a clothes rack, like just sat down there going, what the hell am I going to do? And I rung her and said, you will never guess what's happened, but I'm here.

Can you come and find me? Like this is where I am. and I got her a sweatshirt and then I got her to go and buy me new underwear and everything just as well we're in Farmers. Great selection of knickers in Farmers. Did they have a special on the knickers? No. Yeah, so she was there and I wrapped her sweatshirt around my waist

and we left and I went to the public toilet because I couldn't. I sort of had to sit up on my side in the car and then go to the public toilet and completely, yeah, hose myself down. Yeah, and chuck my, yeah, beans in a bag. I don't do them, I bin them. Bin them. You don't need to take those home, they're binned them. Bin them. You don't need to take those home, Anonymous.

Thank you for sharing. Another anonymous caller joins us. Good morning, Anonymous. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi. Oh, I don't know what's happening there.

Sounded like they were at a busy terminal. Yeah, they were. Where are they flying in this day and age? No, I was thinking public transport terminal. A train or a bus. Oh, I was thinking international, like an LAX. They're off. They're off to an international destination.

No, I will never know their story, but if something tells me it's either fart or poo related. No, it's not. I had this story. They saw their ex coming down the street and they looked for a place to hide. There was nowhere to hide, so they scarpered up a tree what

they were up the tree and as he walked under them they repositioned themselves to watch him go the other way and they stood on a a branch that couldn't hold their weight

and it snapped and they fell out of the tree and then he had to assist them to A&E because they had a very sore leg I'd move towns I'd move towns yeah same

I'd change a lot I'd get a new identity. One summer I was at the beach with the family. I was wearing my new bikini bottoms tied at the side. I threw on a short beach dress over the togs and I thought I'd go get everybody ice creams. Okay. Well, I was in a very long queue.

Felt something strange, but I kept shuffling in the queue to the counter. Finally ordered, got my hands full of ice creams, went to walk out of the ice cream store and I was like, oh, those bikini bottoms on the ground look a bit like my bikini bottoms. Alas, they were my bikini bottoms. Now, I had my hands full and if I bent over,

everybody would definitely have seen my... Ice cream. Trumpet. Mint choc chip. Trumpet. Or a big kahuna. Do you remember the big kahunas? They were an ice cream that needs to make a comeback.

Absolutely. Pin biscuits, ice cream in the middle. So wait, this poor person is now in a store, front and back bum out. Yeah, so they started kicking the bikini bottoms, and then they kicked them around the corner. You'll remember again, their hands are full of ice cream, and the beach dress is tied and the beach dress starts coming undone.

So they just have to hide behind the rubbish bins and wait until a member of their family comes looking for them. Also beach dresses are always that light, light sheer caution. So you'd be able to see right through it. See the big kahuna. When I was

18 my ex cheated on me. So as revenge, I slept with his cousin. Yeah, good on you. I had to do the walk of shame home on Waitangi Day. Walked mostly through the bush and the back tracks so that I would not have been seen in that part of town. Yeah. I had to cross a bypass in Whangarei

that is part of State Highway 1. Very popular road and even more so on Waitangi Day. But I ran across sneaking and hiding like I was on some secret mission. Never, never, you never have to walk in shame. Hold your head high. And last one, someone said, I went to my first F45 class, and at the end when they all run around high-fiving each other, the instructor got to me and I shook their hand

like I was doing a business transaction. Obviously, I could never go back. You're hiding from F45. You're hiding from F45 because everyone was doing the cool fist bumps and you went in for go back. You're hiding from me, 45. You're hiding from me, 45, because everyone was doing the cool fist bumps and you went in for a, yes, thank you very much, sir. Pleasure to have met you.

Good luck. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM. ZM Titsack. We gave away, what did we give away at seven? $125. $125 of free fuel.

Joining us this morning, Jordan. Good morning. Oh, my gosh. Good morning. Good morning. Now, Jordan, when you're hearing ZMD Tank, are you like, oh, I would have buzzed in, I would have said stop sooner or I would have gone longer? Nah.

Some days, I listened to one the other day and a girl won like $70 and it went up to $200 and something. And I was like, oh my gosh, girl, keep going. Keep going. Believe in yourself. Okay, so now that you're in this situation, Jordan, you're in the hot seat. Yeah. How risky are you going to go?

I don't know, eh? You talk the talk, but will you walk the walk? All right, well, Jordan, you can say stop at any time before the fuel pump cuts off and buzzes and that money is yours. Let's go. $5. $15.

$45. $80. $90. $95 $125 $145 $145 You gutsy little thing.

$145. That was the most stern stop we've ever had. Stop! Gotcha! Dramatic stern stop. Push the brakes. Jordan, let's see how high it would have gone. That money is locked down $145.

$180. $195. $195. Oh. Not bad. You did good, Jordan. Yeah, I'm happy with that. I'm happy with that. Congratulations, $145.

Thank you. As all your ZMD tank back again tomorrow at 7 and 8. Hey, you on the phone, I bet I can guess your mum's name. I bet I can guess your mum's name. Vaughan will ask our caller this morning, Tessa. Good morning, Tessa. Good morning. Vaughan will ask Tessa five questions about her mum

and then have 15 seconds to try and guess mum's name. And if you can do that, Vaughan, Tessa wins $150. Hi. So no pressure. Hello. Hi, hi, hi. I'm just trying to think, what was your 21 success rate? Would have been over 50, right?

50%? I would hope so. You had a real good winning streak there. I had a streak. I had a hot streak. A couple of streaks. A big streak. A couple of streaks. A big streak. A couple of big streaks.

All right. Are you feeling the power today, Vaughn? I felt a bit lightheaded before. And I think that was because I was getting back in touch with my psychic energy. Yeah. I turned it off by the summer. Yeah, the spirit world started to move through me again. I'm sort of a portal.

It's a bit like when everybody turns on their electric heaters in winter and it drains the national power grid. Yes, that's right. I'd lost my spiritual... It's exactly like that. I'd lost my spiritual fitness is what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah.

It's important to keep your spiritual fitness up. Okay. Right. Five questions now for Tessa about her mum. Okay. Tessa, does mum have some posh dinnerware for special events? No, she doesn't. She doesn't have posh, like, nice plates or a set of silver cutlery?

No, no, she's not really about that. My mum, BF does. She's got the special plates in one of the cupboards. And then when you go back for Christmas, you use the plates and cups that you had when you were a teenager. Oh, wow. Yeah, totally. That's what mums like. They've got the inherited, you know,

grandma's plates. Totally. It's the plates she's inherited and the silverware I'm pretty sure they got as a wedding gift. Okay, so she does have that right. Yeah, maybe Tessa's mum's just rocking some nice new plates. Yeah, okay. Just generally for general day and visitors.

Really? It's thrown him a bit there, Tess. I just thought every mum did, but now I'm trying to think of mums that don't buy into that shit, man. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. Okay. Writing a couple of names down there. Some ideas.

Three names there. Yep. Get one for her because she never had it. She had it at the beach house. They had a beach house though. You were thinking of... I was thinking of people I know. Yeah.

Like my mum's age. They didn't have a nice... Well, as far as I know, they didn't have a nice set of dinnerware. Well, you were never allowed to use it. No. Mum's pets go. She has a dog called Mika, and she also has a wee family as well.

So she has horses called Kazzy and Ruby, and some cows, sheep, and chickens, but they're not really named. She's a farmer. The cows, sheep, and chickens. The cows don't get named. How many cows do you get to name a cow? Sheep, by the way. About eight, maybe. Oh, no, that's too many to name. They don't get a farmer. The cows don't get named. How many cows do you get to name a cow? Sheep, by the way. About eight, maybe.

Oh, no, that's too many to name. They could have a name. Just come up with a group of eight, and that's how we named the Klukdashi hens. We could come up with eight Klukdashi hens. Okay, so I've got two pieces of information from her there. What did you get? What did you garner? She's got pets.

She's got animals. She's animal friendly, and she lives on a small rural block. So now you're going to relate that to women that you know that could be... That live on a small rural block and aren't afraid to have some animals. You laugh, Hayley, but this is how he does it. I know. All the time.

I'm watching in awe as he uses his psychic abilities to figure this out with the information that you, Tessa, are providing him. Exactly what Calvin Crookshaw Shank. Crankshank. Crankshank. Crankbank.

That guy that does the TV shows. He does this. Claven Crankdank. Yes, Claven Crankdank. Claven Crankdank. Okay. Next question. Next question.

If you don't mind me asking, and I know it's rude to ask a lady's age But how old is mum? She was born in 1965 Do some quick math She's 50 60 Wait 65 or 55?

65 65 So she's 57 56 She's young Wait, 65 or 55? 65. 65. 65, yeah, obviously. So she's 57. 56, 57? 56. She's a young duck. She's a spunky.

What's her date of birth? May. May. Okay, that's what I need. What star sign does that make her? A late Taurus? May star sign is? A Gemini, I think. She's a Gemini.

Oh, okay. Basic Debbie. So's a Gemini. Oh, okay. Basic Debbie. So she's late May. You think that's a Debbie? A lot of Debbies are Geminis, are they? It's either a Debbie or a Joanne. Okay. Off that.

Put that down. Put it down. Gemini. J-J-J-Jenny. J-J-J-Jenny the Gemini. Okay. What kind of car does mum drive? Mum's got a Nissan Navara Ute Good for the far left

That burnt orange colour as well Oh the burnt orange That's a nice colour They did well there The Nissan Navara with the burnt orange Don't the top twins have a Ute? Jules Yeah put? Jules. Yeah, put down Jules.

Well, I've got, oh yeah, I've got to have like a Julie. Yeah. What about Kathy? Jules, what's the other, what's the other? Linda. Yeah, put Linda down. You know a Kathy with a ute? I know a Kathy with a ute.

Yeah, I can go on the list then. I'm not playing. I'm just, you know, I'm just watching. Yeah, no. I'm just watching. Would a Lorraine have a ute? Lorraines don't drive utes, do they? No, no, no.

I know a Christina with a ute. Okay. You're just writing down everyone you know with a ute. Okay. Yes. Wow. It's really important not to interrupt the psychic process here, Hayley. And what are your mum's siblings' names?

She's got a sister called Sharon and a brother called Craig. Sharon was on my list. Okay, take that off. Sharon's off. I miss her parents are crazy and called two of their daughters Sharon. Sharon and Craig. Sharon and Sharon. And Craig.

Sharon and Craig. Okay, so you've got that vintage. Yeah. That classic Kiwi vintage. My dad's a Craig. Sharon Craig. Okay, so you've got that vintage. Yeah. That classic Kiwi vintage. My dad's a Craig. Yep. I might put a Patsy on there then. Just in case.

Go on, put Patsy in there. Just in case. I don't know a lot of Patsys. I'm going to put a Carol. My mum's sister is Carol. You're in the right generation. I think I'm good. Okay, all right.

Well, Tessa, Vaughn now has 15 seconds to guess your mum's name. If you hear your mum's name, yell out, stop, that's my mum's name. Vaughn, your time starts now. Karen, Margaret, Susan, Kay, Cherie, Sandra, Sharon, but crossed off. Donna, Tanya, Michelle, Debbie, Joanne, Jenny, Julie, Linda, Kathy, Alison, Christina. Stop, that's my mum's name. Oh, what? Which one?

Alison. Hey! Alison drives a ute. It was the ute question. Alison drives a ute. What? Which Alison? Alison, you don't know Alison.

She was with a guy called Craig, and Craig did heavy machinery. In Moransville, was it? Oh, right. Okay. Wow. Wow,ansville, was it? Oh, right. Okay. Wow. Wow, well done, Vaughn. Tessa, $150 is yours. He's on a hot streak already for 2022.

Bonus round. While you're on the phone, I'll have a go at guessing your dad's name. Well, Tessa, the bonus round has been fired off because Vaughn has guessed your mum's name. Now, this is another chance to win $150. One guess at dad's name. One guess only.

It has been done before. I want it so bad. This psychic energy must be really draining you. You're going to have a good sleep tonight. Oh, my God. I feel emotionally drained. Physically, I'm on the verge of a puddle on the floor.

Alison and Alison When people Oh no, I can't ask a question. I just wanted to say, you know, sometimes somebody, like, people for my appearance say Ian and Christine. Yeah.

Chris and Ian. Oh, okay. It kind of works both ways. Yeah. But you know how some always have a definitive who goes first? Patsy and Craig. Yeah. Patsy and Craig.

So that's not an alphabetical order. Yeah. Interesting. Never Craig and Patsy. Okay. We need one name. Alison and Pete. Alison and Pete Alison and

Alison and Alison and Alison and Frank No, Alison and I don't think Frank would Alison and Herbert Jeff, Alison and Jeff Oh, that's the same vintage, isn't it?

Jeff, Alison and Jeff and Alison's favourite. We'll go to Jeff and Alison's first. We'll go to Jeff and Alison's, yeah. Jeff and Alison,

Jeff and Gary, Gary and Jeff, Gary and Jeff. Hey, I'm not here to judge. Alison and... Gary and Alison coming this weekend?

That sounded alright, didn't it? That's really good. Gary and Alison coming this weekend? Gary and Alison? Okay. What about Gary

and Alison? What about Ali and Gary? No, Ali and... Ali and Gary. It and Alison. Okay. What about Gary and Alison? What are Ellie and Gary? No, Ellie and... Ellie and Gary. It could work, though. Oh, he's really stressed. Tessa, he's really stressed.

You need to lock... I feel, I feel, I feel... You need to lock something in, Vaughan. Grant. Shush, Siri. Unless you can help. Grant. Alison and Grant.

Okay, I'm going to need an answer. Grant. I'll go Grant. Okay. Tessa, what is your dad's name? Grant, Alison and Grant. Okay, I'm going to need an answer. Grant. I'll go Grant. Okay. Tessa, what is your dad's name? My dad's name's Gavin. Oh!

So close. You were so close. We were knocking next door. You got the G. Gavin, Alison. Gav. Gavin, Ellie. Oh, listen to how that rolls.

Tessa, you've missed out on the bonus round, but it's a win, the first win for 2022. Well done. Feels good. You're drained, I can see, yeah. Did you bring a spare crystal today? I am. I've got my amethysts in my bag. Oh my god, please. Moon charge and everything. Oh my god, you're a lifesaver.

ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I've got a What up girl I've just got a little bone to pick with you guys And I guess I thought we were closer When I get ready every morning In my new house And in fact in my old house

I have a very warm light In my bathroom A very warm light, a very flattering light. So sometimes you might pop outside and go, oh, I've got a bit heavy on the makeup here because the soft light's made it look all nice in the bathroom, but then the harsh light really shows you what you look like. So I've been sort of looking at my face up close and feeling like, well, it's looking pretty good.

It's a fine face. Thank you so much. It's a fine face. And people would be happy with half the face. Thank you. Thank you. That you've got on your face. So I've been getting ready and coming to work and just, you know, sitting under these harsh lights and you guys haven't said

a single word about this issue. About your face. Well, you can't. You can't. You can't give a bloody Sheila a compliment at the workplace anymore, can you? No, no, no. I'm not looking for compliments because the other day I was in my car and I was stuck in traffic on the way home and I flipped down the little visor thing to get something out of my eye. And boy, oh boy, what did I see when I looked in this mirror?

But the thickest and most prevalent moustache I've had in my entire life. You talk about this a lot and I can honestly say I wouldn't. One of the hairs was almost curling inside the mouth. I hate that because it tickles the lip. I get that with my moustache and it tickles the lip. How long has this been going on? I have never noticed. I have never noticed.

You talk about this a lot. You can't see it now because I went home and dealt with it swiftly. But because of the soft light of my bathroom, I just have not noticed it at all that I'd let it get so out of hand. But then I thought, when was the last time I gave it a good pluck, wax or trim? Months ago. And it had grown out.

You can't tell me that you haven't noticed it. I honestly didn't notice. Okay, even if I did notice, I wouldn't say anything. But I didn't notice. You wouldn't say anything. But I didn't notice. You wouldn't say anything. You've got to. You've got to be like, might be time. No.

Might be time for a little trip to the KC. I do that thing where I just, if we've got an agreement, if we can come to a formal agreement. But then that works both ways because then you've got to have something to say back to me. I've got plenty to say. Okay, don't. It's like, you know, people say that if somebody doesn't tell you you've got to have something to say back to me. I've got plenty to say. Okay, don't.

It's like, you know, people say that if somebody doesn't tell you you've got a little booger or something in your teeth, they're not a true friend. And then you go to the bathroom and you've been having lunch with this person for an hour. It's exactly the same. Something in your teeth, boogie up the nose, sleep in the eyes, you know. A pimple that's gone white here. A pimple that's gone white.

Do we draw the line at pimples that have gone white? Because some people don't like to squeeze. She's ready to squeeze. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good way of saying it. Agree. Okay, across the board agreement. She's ready for a squeeze.

And then you point on your own face where it is on my face. She's ready for a squeeze. Because I always get a lip. Oh, you're a lipper. I get a lip border. But then sometimes you leave the house and they're not ready to squeeze. And then over the course of like half a day, they've erupted. Exactly why.

And they're ready. Why your friend needs to say she's ready for a squeeze. I'm going to also have to have words with Aaron because he's the one who gets closest to my face. To be fair, that's on. I think I want to say something. Yeah, that's on him really, isn't it? If we're looking for a blame, someone to blame. He gets the closest out of everybody.

I think as we move forward in this working relationship, I'd like to set up a more open communication around things like this. So I've started when I shaved my head, yesterday I shaved my head and parts of my face, not the whole face because of the beard, down

here. I also was, for the first time yesterday, I was like, might give the ears a run. The ears! The ears? The ears? Oh, because they get little, like, white. Yeah, I'm 40 next month. They get little light hairs. Yeah, well, they just kind of get, like, I can feel one there.

A wiry. I'll give them a yank if I see them. But now, because in our new bathroom there's a bit of backlight, you know how, like, when light goes through a hair, you can see a little bit more. So I just give the razor a run down the ear now. Yeah. Wow.

But often when we're communicating, we're wearing headphones. Yeah. So I haven't noticed the ears. Yeah. No, I think I took care of it before it became too noticeable. And because I've got the dark hair of the beard right in front of it, that would probably take away from it. It's just so shocking.

Have you thought of growing a soul patch to disguise your moustache? It doesn't grow. It doesnoustache? It doesn't grow. It doesn't grow. It doesn't grow. I mean, if I could connect the two, I might. A goatee. I think it would be a goatee. Instead of rocking the idea.

I have a question. How do you get rid of it? Oh, well, there's a myriad of things. I mean, the best way is laser, but I've got a bit of a hormonal condition. So it just keeps coming back. It changes, yeah. Yeah. So I'm a bit of, I'm a waxer or a plucker.

I'm a puller. What's a threader? What's a thread? It's for your eyebrows, isn't it? I think I saw, You could thread everything. You could thread everything. I think I saw it happening

at the mall. I've never seen it happening. And these people were just sitting out in the open with the string. If you try to thread your pubes, you don't,

the pain, You'd end up weaving a mat. The pain of The thread A little You'd be able to Throw it out At your next event To keep the sand

From getting back inside Don't thread your pubes Threading is painful Is it? Because basically You're kind of Rip rip rip rip rip Like one by one

Waxing you're going Off All at once Like that But the only thing With waxing is You're using like A hot thing

And you're using Like a topical thing That can sometimes Be an irritant So that's why I get the thread On the eyebrows Because it's close is you're using like a hot thing and you're using like a topical thing that can sometimes be an irritant. So that's why I get the thread on the eyebrows because it's close to the eyes. What about a pluck? I'll pluck to stop my eyebrows from having some sort of... Yeah. Connecting in the middle or meeting in the middle.

11 o'clock staff meeting in the middle. So we've all got an agreement. We've got an agreement. Anything in the teeth, anything untowards that you know that I would like to know. But if it's a pimple and it's gone white, this is ready. But if it's a pimple that's obviously being squeezed at, and I'm well aware I feel it throbbing, then don't say anything.

That doesn't need to be mentioned. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day Today's fact of the day is I did not know this But there is a Wikipedia page That lists every major film and television accident or death That happened when during filming.

Wow, okay. And the fact of the day is about the first one. This is from a silent film called Across the Border in 1914. Long time ago. They were filming in Cannon City, Colorado. They were filming a scene where they were supposed to be crossing the Arkansas River. So they're filming this. They're crossing the river in their boat.

All the film. I imagine someone's winding the old camera. Because it was all hand cranked, wasn't it? Yeah. All right, Grace, get ready to cross the Arkansas. And action. So that's happening. She's crossing. And then something goes wrong and the boat capsizes. Oh, action. So that's happening. She's crossing.

And then something goes wrong and the boat capsizes. Oh, goodness. So immediately, one of the camera operators called Owen Carter jumped in the river to save Grace McHugh. Oh. So she couldn't swim. He grabbed her, started going backwards, and dragged himself onto a sandbar.

Oh, okay. That was quicksand. Oh, okay. That was quicksand. Oh, no. And the rest of the crew watched helplessly as they were sucked into the sand. They slowly sunk into the sand. They couldn't fight it. And they were effectively drowned. In quicksand?

You're not supposed to fight it, are you? Aren't you? No. Because the more you go like that, the more it sucks you down. Yeah, because you're moving And it's like liquefaction right Yeah It can be solid

But when there's movement in it It turns into a liquid It creates pockets Yeah So this was the first death Involved in making television Television or movies Wow okay

And because it was filmed Yeah And it became like legendary This is believed to be the reason why quicksand has always been in movies as a horrible, really dangerous thing that, you know when you were growing up and you were concerned that any spot of sand could be quicksand? And it never has eventuated, has it? I'm sure at some stage you would come across quicksand,

but no one's come across, very rarely you would come across quicksand, but no one's come across, like very rarely do you come across quicksand. No, but I'm ready for it because I've watched so many videos about how to get out of it. But you were just, even then, you seemed unsure and you don't fight it. No, I think you're supposed to bend. Aren't you supposed to lie on your back? Yeah, like bend backwards. And make like a starfish or something.

And not move. Oh my God, there's a video. Inside Edition, how to survive. How to survive quicksand. The more you lean back, the more it'll help bring your legs to the surface. Yeah. But then what if you get to the surface and then you're flat and then you start sinking?

Nah, because you have more of a surface space. Right. What's the thing called? You know, you're taking up more of a surface area. Oh no, but then when you're waiting to be rescued, you can get sunstroke How long are you waiting there for? It's like in swimming lessons when I was a kid

And they'd be like, float on your back I'd be like, what's the trick? They'd be like, push up your tummy And you'd push your tummy up And then your head would go under Yeah You're pushing your tummy up too high I'd push my tummy up too much

I couldn't find the perfect medium But they think, yeah The reason we saw quicksand in so many movies Right Is because Hollywood was kind of haunted by this first death that was like part of the film. Wow. That obviously wasn't part of the script, accidentally happened,

and real people did. But it's got like so many, like this list is insanely long of people that have suffered. And, of course, the latest entry in it is the Alec Baldwin Rust entry where Is that just the longest Wikipedia page? It's really long. Okay. Well, for example Cowboy Bebop, which was filmed here in New Zealand

John Cho suffered a knee injury forcing the production to halt for seven to nine months It did. Cost a lot of money Yeah. Oh wow. Alright Yeah. So you can go and you can just Google that list. List of film and television accidents, and see if your favourite movie had somebody die in the making of it or be severely injured.

Another morbid fact of the day this week, Bourne. So today's fact of the day is Quicksand plays such a part in Hollywood is because the first people that ever died making a movie died in Quicksand. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Well, we've seen it before, but this one is particularly bad A mental health support worker in the UK

did a little at home pamper session as you do, a nice facial, do your nails have a bit of a scrub down and ended that with a nice spray of fake tan on rubbed it in, she's done it before wanted to take her

very pale British skin to a beautiful golden glow. And unfortunately she obviously had something on her skin that made it react and she has turned green. And I don't just mean...

No way. That can't be fake tanned. If you have fake tanned before you will know that there's like different bases, like different base tones, and green is one of them. You're trying to go for that like more olive-y look, olive-y tan, more Italian-based than your orange-based. Is it Italian because of the olives or is it Italian because that's how you tan in the Mediterranean?

Yeah, column A, column B. Okay. But hers just absolutely oxidised, I guess, and left her bright, bright green. Oh, no. Because I've heard of girls that have done fake tan and because they've got a little bit of deodorant, their armpits go green.

I've had this. I've had this with spray tans and they always say nothing on your skin, so you can't moisturise, you can't wear deodorant. But because you wear deodorant every single day, there's always a residual kind of layer. And I had it for a wedding. And you do the shapes.

But did you have just straps? You didn't have sleeves on? Straps, just straps on. My pits were out. Green pits. And I got bright green pits. And that's now your nickname, isn't it? Green pits.

Green pits and old... Rissolnips. Rissolnips. Jeepers, what is this day? Anyway, it is so bad. She managed to scrub it off, and the bath that she has left behind looks like a sewer. It's a brown green.

And so we just wanted to know your worst fake tan disasters. Have you had green pits? I used to be a very bad eczema sufferer. I had it all over my body. And I don't know why I didn't consider this when I got a fake tan for a performance or something. I can't remember what it was for. And it just grabbed to the eczema

everywhere. So did you look like you had rust spots? Yeah, I looked like a rusty kettle. Like you were rusting out. Like you weren't going to get a warrant of fitness because it's structural rust. The side of a big container ship, just rust patches. Or I've seen, there's a very highly popular photo on the internet of a girl who got a spray tan and you cannot get water on yourself.

Like if it's raining, you're stuffed. Yeah. And she cried. Something happened in the car. I think she had a fight or something and she cried. And so she all had these like white streaks down her face. How long does it take to set? Well, you leave it on for like, it depends on the tan,

but up to like an hour at least, but up to like eight hours or overnight sometimes. And you cannot get it wet or it washes off. And then as it develops and you go and wash the tan off, that's how it's stained basically. All right. So we want to hear your fake tan disasters. And I'm guessing a lot of people will be fake tanning before an event

and there's no time to get out of it. There's no time. You can't just scrub it off, can you? No, you can get stuff to help you, but it's a bit of a pain and it doesn't come off evenly. So if you're like a bride and you're getting married... All right, well, how bad did it end up, your fake tan disasters? Talking fake tan disasters.

Some text messages in. I was going to a wedding and a lady said to me when I went to get my fake tan, you could definitely carry a darker tan. Oh, my God, I've had this. So I went to a wedding looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger in a strapless Zimmerman dress because she did me bodybuilder, baby. Oh, no. Bodybuilder orange.

Why do bodybuilders go so orange? Like, it's a thing. Is it their thing? It's to do with the stage lighting when they compete. Yeah. Because the stage lights are so harsh. The shadowing and the contrast and everything, right? So you can see, bam, then they did.

All the contours and the lines and stuff. I know, it's outrageous. Yeah. But that's often a way because especially if you're like me, I mean, I've got a little natural tan on now because it's summer. But in winter, for example, I'm very pale, edging on purple, as we see in this photo. Anemic looking, you'd say.

Get the girl a steak. Yeah. But sometimes, because I'm not used to having a tan, you'll go into a tan place and they'll be like, I reckon you could, you know, with your dark hair and your dark features, have a much darker tan. But I'm like, it's too much of a leap. Yeah.

And then people just go far out. Oh, yeah. Yeah, walk out and you're cancelled. Yeah, you only want to go up a couple of times. Felicity, what was your fake tan disaster? What happened? I was quite young at the time when I had my son. And I went and got a full body spray tan and didn't think much of it.

And then I was breastfeeding. Oh, no. And I had a lot of stain on his face for over a week. You pushed your tan boob into his face and tanned him. Oh, no. You pushed your tan boob into his face and tanned him. Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. Please tell me you have photos for his 21st one day. Yes, definitely. Yes. And did you also have me you have photos for his 21st one day. Yes, definitely.

And did you also have a ring as well around the nip? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Five. Five photos by the end of the day, yeah. Oh, wow.

You would be, imagine if your mum put that photo up at your 21st. Would you be mortified? Of you with tan on your face? Yeah. Or of your mum's nip? Both. Because you don't want that at your 21st. Felicity, thanks for your call.

Someone messaged us in. I worked at a hotel that used to do bodybuilder competitions and we had brown sheets that all the beds got swapped off because when we knew the bodybuilder competition

was happening, we'd put on the brown sheets because otherwise they would just destroy our sheets. They have brown sheets? Yeah. Because not only do they put on the tan that stays on and stains your skin,

but they put like a bronzer over the top and like an oil and stuff. Oh, right. So you're all shiny and glowy. I shaved my legs with an epi lady and then decided to put some bottled fake tan on. I had spotty legs for days. Yeah, because you open up the pores. Yeah, what do you look like? A little cheetah or something.

Yeah. A little spotty cat. like? A little cheetah or something. Yeah. A little spotty cat. Eppy lady. I once put fake... It feels like very 90s. Very 90s. Those are the ones that are like ripped. So it's like multiple tweezers.

Yeah, yeah. You go like that. It's like a spring. Rip, rip, rip. Yeah. Mums had them in the 90s. Yeah, they were big. Mums love to epilate.

Big infomercial there. I put fake tan on when I was developing. I watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy. The tear-stained cheeks were unreal. Didn't know about it until the next morning. I was getting a spray tan done, and the professional recommended I get a second coat. So I thought I would listen to the professional.

I should have just stuck with one coat of tan. I turned oompa-loompa orange two days before my school ball And even at the school ball The school ball DJ played a remix of the Willy Wonka oompa loompas That's shocking I bought a tanning booth and I used to tan all my friends before a cheeky night out I got my friend to do mine before my birthday And she legit sprayed me like a fence

I was a deep mahogany for months. Tried bathing in bicarb, scrubbing with lemon juice. Nothing took it off. It scarred me for life and I haven't had a spray tan since. Wow. Rock the pale. Yeah. I peed in the shower washing my fan.

Washing my what? My what? It's self-washing. I know you're not internal. I finished our washing my fake tan off and it left the biggest streaks on the inside of my leg. Oh, yeah, the inner leg. Is there something?

Or like the dribble. Yeah, the dribble. But is it the sort of acidic nature of urine? It takes more than it should. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Somebody else messaged in that they had eczema and they fake tanned and they looked like they were covered in rusty bristles.

Yeah. Which brings in nicely to the two things. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.