ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 27th September 2022

Episode Date: September 26, 2022

End of the World!  Top 6: Seaweed Farm  Silly Little poll!  Must Be Nice! Vaughans new garage carpet  Hayleys Upgrade  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. I'll sing it loud in case you don't already know. Pack up your... Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Download, scan and play the Monopoly game at Maccas to be in to win. I shall start the podcast by talking about my platter incident. Oh, no.

Over the long weekend. Social weekend for you this weekend. Very social weekend. I tell you what, I think October might be just a, but then there's always stuff coming up. Because you said. A little housewarming. I'm going to lay off it for a month.

And then I was like, October's my birthday month. Also, don't do that. Why? Just moderate. You've got nothing to worry about. You don't drink during the week. No. And what do you have to worry about?

You're fit. You eat right. You go to the gym. And what do you have to worry about? I're fit, you eat right, you go to the gym. And what do you have to worry about? I know, but I just feel like I need a month of just not going out

every weekend. Anyway. Well, then what? Then what happens? You die. You die. You know? You die.

You miss all the good times. Next weekend, you might go to a social function and that's where you meet your soulmate. They could be them. Yeah. Or it could just be

somebody who's into some weird shit That you're into You never know when you're going to find someone else Who's into that real niche stuff Furries The amount of stuff hanging from his ceiling Suspension furry

There is literally A ceiling fan And that is it He dresses up as a bat And he hangs upside down in a full bat suit. Not Batman, like furry,

long-nosed bat. Upside down. Gets hooks in his back. Look, I'm not kink-shaming furries, but I am not into that at all. At all. And then someone else comes in and plays the COVID virus.

Oh, the whole thing's sorted. And sneaks in, yeah. No, so our friend Mike was having birthday drinks. Love Mike. 30 years old, had a birthday, Mike. And sneaks in, yeah. No, so a friend, Mike, was having birthday drinks. Love Mike. 30 years old, had a birthday, Mike. We went around to Mike's. Probably my only friend that's a real right winger, to be honest.

Nah, I've got some mates that are, but he's very, isn't he? He loves it. Yeah, he is, yeah. But anyway, so there were platters, and the platters were outside, and his parents and his partner's parents were out there, and people I didn't know on the deck area. And then it was kind of the rest of us inside, congregating in the kitchen, making espresso martinis,

and drinking and chatting. But the platters were outside on the deck area. And everyone was like, we kind of want some platter action, but we don't want to go out there because then everyone's kind of looking at the platter and then you have to talk to people. It was just a bit awkward. So we're just like, we finally made the decision. Let's go to the platter.

And by this time, there wasn't a lot left on the platter. Oh, yeah. What was left? All the good meats. Apricots. All the good meats. And some of the unsalted, unroasted, non. All the good meats. And there were a lot of... Some of the unsalted, unroasted, non-chocolate covered nuts.

And there were a lot of vegetables. Cherry tomatoes. Capsicum. For some reason, there was cauliflower and broccoli. There was all... I think there might have been some vegans there or something. You've got to get in early. You've got to get in early to those.

Does the hummus have a skin on the top at the end of it all? There were a couple of loaves that had been hollowed out and turned into dip containers. Cobblos. Cobblos. So anyway, I spotted a couple of meats, like a big salami, a couple of those, and then I grabbed a... This guy spots a big salami at a party.

And then I grabbed a cube of cheese, and I put that in the middle of the salami, and I walked out. And I'm like, I'm good with that keto and I pop pop it all in my mouth I make the the salami is like a cracker yeah you know another layer of meat in there and a thing of cheese and I'm like in my mouth and I'm like mm-hmm and then my face goes hmm what's that and it wasn't a cube of cheese. It was a cube of butter. Yeah! Unbelievable. There was a pile of cubed butter.

But you know posh butter isn't as yellow as the poor people's butter? Yes, it's like white. It's like white. Like creamy white. To me, it looked like a cheese cube. Like a feta or something. They would explain its softness as well. Like a feta. And so I was like, ugh.

And then anyway, Mike messages me, whose party we're at yesterday, and he's like, I've been informed that you ate a cube of butter yesterday. And I'm like, how did you know I ate a cube of butter? Wait, you didn't immediately tell people? No, because I was like, because everyone was kind of busy, and I'd gone off to the plate and I was walking back. You didn't sort of go ting, ting, ting. You had a very greasy mouth.

I'm not alluding the party to the fact I just ate a cube of butter. You would have had such a film. Yeah. A fatty film. Your tongue wouldn't have been able to form the words. It would have been sliding around. Mike says to me, I'm informed that you ate a cube of butter last night thinking it was cheese. And I was like, yes, I did.

And I said, who puts cubed butter on a platter? I'm assuming the cobblos were meant to be buttered, but they turned them into dip. But who's cubed the butter? Well, I know it was a waste of, put cheese on there. But it looked like cheese cubes. And anyway, he said, yes, somebody had the opportunity to tell you that when you picked up that cube of butter, that it wasn't cheese.

And they didn't because they were too scared to tell you. And then they watched my face eat it while I realized it was butter. They had the opportunity to stop me eating the cheese. The real lesson here is you're an asshole that hates to be corrected. And if that's it to you, you know that's butter, you would have been like, of course I do, you fucking idiot. I'm taking it inside to spread on a bit of bread. I don't, yeah.

So you deserved a butter cube in your mouth. Well, apparently I did. Wow. Did you ask Mike as to the initial intention of the butter? Why was it cubed? Well, I didn't know. I just assumed that it was for the loaf, the cob loaves. Is anyone even still cubing cheese?

You put a slab down now. You put a slab down. You put a wheel down. Yeah, you cut it yourself. A wheel, a slab, a slice. But see, the cheese had already gone, and I thought that was the cheese. Just don't put tube butter on a platter. That'd be yuck.

I'm going to call you Butter Boy now. He's Butter Boy. Butter Boy. And we're going to put some meat. Yeah, that could be good. That could be good. I don't know on salami, though. Salami is already quite high in fat.

Yeah, it's quite salty. And then, yeah. You need a cleanse. I do. Again, my month off. This is why I need the month off. No, boring's quite salty. And then, yeah. You need a cleanse. I do. Again, my month off. This is why I need the month off. No, boring.

Don't be boring. Boring. Just don't eat cubes of butter, you little fat little fuck. Fat little fuck. How's the diet go? Well, I keep accidentally eating butter.

I'm a fat little tub of butter. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hay butter. Thank you, Susie. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley on a short week. Happy Tuesday. Susie actually prefers knock-knock. Knock-knock. Thanks, knock-knocks.

Morning and knock-knocks. Hello, knock-knock. Yeah, short week. How about that, eh? Yeah. How about that, knock. Yeah, short week. How about that, eh? Daylight savings. How about that, eh? Now, you've been up since... I've been up since 2 o'clock.

I don't know. I couldn't sleep. I woke up. I went and checked on my cow, and then I could not get back to sleep. This is a cow that's... Birth is imminent. Yeah.

Do you want to see a picture of the cowdrona today? Yes, please. No. It's pretty open, guys. Yeah. Just flash it up to me. I'm going to look away. You tell me when you've...

How would you describe that? She's bloody ready, mate. She is ready. She's ready. We're going to have a little orange fluffy cow any day. Yeah, I hope so.

I cannot wait for the photos. God, my phone is just full of pictures of a cow's back end. Right. Well, you've been banned or you've had a warning from Facebook's meta. I am. I of a cow's back end. Right. Well, you've been banned. You've had a warning from Facebook's meta. I am.

I'm a meta pest. Yeah. Well, don't send. That's why I wanted you to just flash it to me. Don't send it to me over Messenger. Because I feel like you're on your final Messenger warning. Well, I'm tired, too. I'm jet lagged.

That's right. I've been having international travel. It's 3 o'clock for me right now. You hosted. Well, technically, you only went away for two days, so it's still six o'clock. It's my three o'clock. Also, there's a tinge of an accent there from a weekend in Melbourne. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Shut up. Is there? Is there? Oh, my God. No, there's not. Yeah, but? That's sick, mate.

You hosted Last Night's Have You Been Paying Attention Australia. I did. How did that go? It felt so familiar and yet so different. It was trippy. Well, when they made the set, literally the New Zealand one had to make it exactly the same as the Australian one. Yeah.

The only thing that's different is like slight distance changes. Right. But I kept looking and I was like, where's Paul? Who's this guy? That was good fun. But yeah, 3am for me. 3am accent. Yeah, like it just, I don't know, but it felt good, you know.

All right, well, we've had a long weekend off from the Secret Sound All Thanks to Neon. It's back at 7 and 8 this morning. Your chance to win that $100,000 jackpot. Soundkeeper George is in from her country and western weekend. Oh, yeah. She's been meeting every country singer.

Had you heard of the country singer that she put a photo up of? Nah. Never in my life. I thought, I generally feel a little out of touch. With country music? With anything. But then she put up a photo and I was just like, Goo Goo Gaga.

Yeah, I had no idea who that was. Nathan Brown? No offence to Nathan Brown. Handsome dude and I listened to a couple of his songs. Fantastically catchy. But I had no idea, and then she made me feel like an idiot because I didn't. Maybe we should put some more country on this station.

Hells yes. No, I don't know about that. We'll see how we go. Coming up on the show, the top six as well. There's a seaweed farm. Yeah. Well, if you watch Country Calendar with as much vigour as I do, you would know about this.

Yeah, okay. It's a seaweed farm, but the top six problems I can see with the seaweed farm coming up. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. It's the end of the world as we know it. Okay. You know how they said this pandemic was a once-in-a-lifetime thing?

Well, the President of the United States last week declared the pandemic is over. Oh, don't worry about it then. We're done. Oh, thank God. Why didn't he do that a couple of years ago? I know. We could have been done with this whole thing so much earlier. Well, even if it is out of the way, prepare for the next one.

So scientists believe another pandemic will happen during our lifetime. Ugh. I mean, we've already had one. Yeah. I feel like we've sort of done our time, done our service with it. And now they think they know the origin of it. There has been a COVID-like virus

called Costa 2 originating from a bat in Russia. Another bat disease, guys. Remember when, I mean, I don't... So this is a new one that's coming. I'm treading lightly because I don't want to be like, ha, ha, ha, and then, like I did with COVID,

I was like, it's not going to go that far, is it? And now, look, three years on. Yeah, you regret that that first week, don't you, saying this won't go, this won't be big? Oh, remember, I was campaigning. It's just the common cold. How many people die from the flu every year? Yeah. Keep the borders open.

Business, business, we gotta make money. Money, money, money, baby. So, it was actually found a couple of years ago in horse hoe bats. Oh, okay. I don't know what kind of bat they are but they're a bat. A horse hoe bat. Horse hoe bat.

Sounds like I think it would be a little cutie. You know those little cute fluffy bats? I find all bats pretty. Horse shoe. It's horse shoe bat. What did you say? Horse hoe. This one here has written it horse hoe.

It's horse shoe. No, H-O-R-S-E-H-O-E. Yeah, I've missed the S. There's no horse-o-bats. It's a horseshoe bat. It's a family of bats. I'm reading the study. I think you should apologise to the bats.

Sorry for calling you horses. You're a horseshoe. Oh, no, no. No, they're not cute. No, they're not? No. They're the bats with the funny faces, the beaks. Right.

Tiny eyes. Should we be eliminating all of these now? Russia should maybe turn their guns onto the bats with the funny faces, the beaks. Right. Tiny eyes. Should we be eliminating all of these now? Russia should maybe turn their guns onto the bats. Well, they say they can most likely spread to humans quite easily. Oh, God. From this. Precise origins of the virus are unknown, but it's been investigated by who?

The World Health Organization. You know when they're getting involved. Well, they've got to be on the guard for the next time around, don't they? You've got to be ready. Fool me once, shame on some. You can't get fooled. Fool me twice, boyo.

That's it. That's exactly how it goes. I love just these morning wisdoms from porn. Yeah. Put it on a headstone. So Costa 2 and SARS-CoV-2, COVID-19. morning wisdoms from porn. Yeah. Put it on a headstone. So, Costa 2 and SARS-CoV-2, COVID-19.

Costa 2, that opens this week in West Auckland. Oh, it does. You've got to get a membership. You've got to get your membership, you've got to get your card. Well, they belong to the same

subcategory of viruses. Oh, cool, man. Cool. So, this could happen. Okay, this is terrible news. You heard it here first. It's the end of the world as you know it. Terrible news. You heard it here first. It's the end of the world,

as you know it. Terrible news. It's 11 past six. Next on the show, marathon runners. You'll know if somebody's done a marathon because they won't stop going on about it. You're looking at one right there.

I'm more than willing to discuss my 42.2 kilometres of determination. Well, next on the show, there is a new record for a marathon time. So if you've ever run a marathon or a half marathon, have your time ready in your head because I'm going to tell you how fast the fastest marathon runner ran yesterday.

And if you've beaten it, call up. We'll get you on the phone. No, there's no way because this is the new world record. He beat his own world record, but it's going to make you feel very unfit. I'll tell you that right now because it's very fast. Now, Vaughn, you've done a marathon. You've done it once.

You've gone on about it. Correct. How many? What was your time? Three hours, 36. Three hours, 36. Have you ever done like a fun run or a half? Oh, my God.

It's just you haven't gone on about it. Tell us about your marathon. You look at me and go, have you ever done a fun run? Around the bays? Have you ever done around the bays? Around the bays? I actually haven't. I'm just going to walk around the bays this year.

What? So you're just going to go for a walk with a thousand people everywhere in every direction. Tens of thousands of people. I'm going to walk around the base. Go and walk the base when it's not a crowded crazy mess. I think a lot of it's for charity though. Oh jeez, what an arsehole.

Sorry about that guys. Great work on raising money for charity. I had no idea. I just thought you were being a bit of a precious prick, to be honest. I apologise. When you ran your marathon, you just ran it for yourself.

Correct. Selfish. Selfishly correct. No, I hate asking people for money, apart from my employer. I'll ask them every two weeks on the day. Every two weeks. Yeah, they're like,

Vaughan, we told you it's an automatic payment. I said, I don't care. I need you to confirm it's going to be there. I always wonder why every second Friday you were taking the lift upstairs. I always go straight up to the CEO, you pay me this time? And every time he says it's an automatic payment, Vaughan, it goes in. I will see. And I slam the door.

Keep them on their toes. Yeah. Keep them on their toes up there. At the weekend, the Berlin Marathon was held. And Kenyan great, Eliud Kipchoge. Eli and Kenyan great Eliud Kipchoge. Eliud, yeah. Eliud Kipchoge. This dude cleans up at the Olympics.

Yeah, so he was back-to-back Olympic champion Rio and Tokyo. He set the previous world record in Berlin in 2018 of two hours, one minute, and 39 seconds. Now, a marathon is 40... 42.2 kilometres. 2.2 kilometres. I know, I did mine in 2009. Yeah, and you won. Now a marathon is 42.2 kilometres. 2.2 kilometres. Yeah, and you won't stop going on about it. To be fair though, you've got a good time. Sub four is the goal, right? I'll say it.

I'll be the Kiwi here. I'll be the New Zealander and mow him down a little bit here. I've been to Berlin. There's not a hill anywhere. Oh yeah, they say that about the Auckland Marathon. Helliest first half. Yeah, whereas the Christchurch, oh you do the Christchurch. Everyone's like, it's the first half. Yeah, whereas at Christchurch, oh, you do the Christchurch runs. Oh, I did this thing. Isn't that just like five laps of Hagley?

I think so, yeah. I couldn't do the laps. I couldn't do the laps. Because it's two same same, but it's flat. The best part about Auckland is you run past the finish line and you go out. Yeah. And then if you stop there, how are you getting back? You've got to get back.

Yes. Whereas Hagley, if you were running laps, I'd just be like, I'm stopping now. How many laps have I done? Yeah, no, I couldn't do it. Well, there were hopes that he may beat the, and be the very first person to beat the two-hour mark because nobody's done it for a marathon. I thought he was a minute short.

So he managed to do two hours, one minute, and nine seconds. So he shaved 30 seconds off his previous record. And so the new world record has been bettered by 30 seconds. Can we maths that? How fast is that? That would be insanely fast splits, like per kilometre. Maths it. Maths it.

Maths it, daddy. I mean, there'll be a marathon time calculator that will do the splits for you somewhere. Marathon speed... Split calculator. Calculator. Not split. What do you know what a split's for? I don't know. It does the same thing, doesn't it? He runs twice as... I'm not a runner.

But it takes me about 30 minutes to run 5k. When I did it, I've only ever done a half marathon. I did an hour 31 and that was like a good time. Oh, that's really good. That was a really good time. Yeah, this guy's got bloody horse legs.

But like that's, he's doing another, in half an hour, he's doing what I did, another double. I'm sorry, are you just casually dropping in there that you've done a half marathon?

I've done a half marathon. How have you done a half? Well, I haven't done a fun run, but I've done a half marathon. I haven't even done a bloody How have you done a half? Well, I haven't done a fun run, but I've done a half marathon. I haven't even done a bloody fun run. I've only ever done one and then I retired. I need to get my energy. What did you say his time was?

One hour. Sorry, two hours, one minute and nine seconds. Oh my God, he's so close. He'll go again because he'll be training for this. Yeah. He'll go again soon, I reckon. Holy shit. The dude is rocking.

Every two minutes, 50. Yeah. Kilometre. Every two minutes. That's average pace. Yeah. Every two minutes, 50. He's almost sprinting. He is. He is. He is sprinting. Oh my god. He's incredible. That's insane.

Yeah. Well, there you go. If you're training for any of the upcoming fun runs around the bays or any marathons. Stop it. Every time you say fun runs, stop gesturing at me. I'm just saying it starts with a fun run. I'm more of a weightlifter. I'm more of a weightlifter.

Play it. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Hello. What were you measuring with your hands there? It started out small and went to, like, well wide in the shoulder width.

Do you know how you always sort of feel like you know what a metre is? That's way more than a metre, by the way. No, I'm thinking about 136. No, that's like 1.4. Okay, guess what 136 is. I've got my tape measure here. I did this the other day with Aaron. I said, what have I got?

I said, I reckon I've got 40. Okay. Okay, so you reckon that's 1. I reckon I've got 40. Okay. Okay, so you reckon that's 1 metre 36. I got 1 metre 36. Is this a new party game where you... I'm not moving,

I'm not moving. I reckon it's 1.4. That's 120. Oh. I felt short, I felt short. Because you said to me that's way more than a metre.

It's actually a great drinking game. 75 centimetres. And if you get it wrong... No, no, more than a metre It's actually a great drinking game 75 centimetres And if you get it wrong No, no, more than that It's tiny More than that This is 74

Oh no, that's 40 Three quarters That's 40 Of a yardstick It was 40 What a fun game that is And then, like, just drop a bomb Then just drop a bomb

24 inches. Oh, I don't. Hang on, hang on. Foot long and a foot long. Yeah. This tape measure's only got metric. We'd have to convert. What a great drinking game.

Well, that's the weekend sorted. Yes. We should try this. Although when you're drunk. Add bangers bingo tonight. You should. Oh, yeah, holding your hands like that. I did it like that.

And you'd be like quite wobbly and then you'd cheat. That's. Yeah. No, no moving. No moving. Locked in place. And you have to drink if you're within 10 centimetres or 5 centimetres. Wrong.

No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Outside of 5 centimetres. Guys, we just created such a fun game. We should put this into an app. Yeah. You know, like Ellen DeGeneres. She got so rich off of Heads Up. Yeah.

I don't know how you'd do it. I don't know how you'd get it because it'd be free. Well, there's a measuring tape on the iPhone app, isn't there? The app has a measuring tape. No one can steal our idea. We're patenting it. I'm going to patent it. You do the top six.

I'm going to get a patent for us. Okay, you get a patent going. All right, get a patent going. Today's top six. The first ever seaweed farm has been built in Bluff. I believe this is the same one that was on a rip-roaring episode of Country Calendar. You love your Country Calendar, don't you? I love it.

I love seeing what? Resourceful. Because it's never just an ordinary farmer dumping his cow shit in the river and hoping for the best. No. It's always a resourceful little bugger. The people on Sunday night make truffles. Oh. And te puke.

Truffles. Lovely. And the little dog and the dog could smell the truffles. And then they dig the truffles. It was a cute story. It got me very interested in truffles, to which I had not spent much time thinking about at all prior to that episode. I've never had truffles.

But this seaweed farm apparently drastically reduces methane in sheep and cows up to 98%, depending on what they're currently eating. So they eat seaweed and then they don't fart and poop as much? Well, they fart and they poop, but the fart and poop, the byproduct isn't methane. I guess you compare it, if you know a gym bra who's like sliming protein shakes. Yeah, bro. Their farts are like rotten eggs. Two right in front of you right now.

Yeah. Gym bras. A couple of gym bras. I'm looking at two. We pump a lot of protes, but then, you know, you change up. This is why we only do fun runs, because you don't want to be hitting the... I can't shred too much.

Yeah, you can't shred too much. We're bulking. We're in the bulk phase. Concentrating too much on the shred, on your cardio. We can't be doing fun runs. Not too much cardio. So the methane is right down. Now, apparently, this will be great for Australian cattle

because a lot of them are feedlot cattle, not grazing cattle. What does that mean? Well, they're in like a, you know those gross ones you see on like problematic meat ones where the cows are in like a cage? A cage. A dirt, hard dirt thing in a steel cage and they look miserable and they don't have a lot of room to move and then they eat out of a feedlot. What do they eat?

That's why our beef is so good. It's because it's all grass fed and you can do some grain finishing. What do they eat? Grains and... Like chicken food. They don't eat chicken. He eats burgers. Yeah, like chicken food.

Yeah, like tofu. Or just leftovers or whatever. But they said because they're on a controlled diet, they can feed them the seaweed and the meat family will be right down. This is amazing. This is great. Very interesting. But I've got the top six problems I can see with a seaweed farm.

Okay. Number six, how do you milk a seaweed? Yeah, good call. It doesn't have nipples. No. I think you put it into a blender and add some water you blend it then you drain it

through a a muslin cloth a muslin cloth a what cloth a muslin muslin muslin not a muslin

muslin when we had kids I'd be like whereabouts is the muslin cloth and Shadi would be like that is not what it's called I've still got kids muslin

muslin cloth and that's your seaweed milk yeah I did try to make some almond milk with a muslin cloth. And that's your seaweed milk. Yeah. I did try to make some almond milk with a muslin cloth once. It's so, like, you just, after it, you're just like,

why did I do that? That was such a waste of... I should have just bought that little Tetra Pak. Yeah, I should have just had almond milk. Straight up water. Number five on the list

of the top six problems I can see with a seaweed farm, the motorbikes will sink. Yeah. Yeah. How are you going to go and check on the seaweed? Yeah. In the middle of the night?

You won't be able to. Let the seaweed could get out of the gate. Totally. Speaking of which, number four on the list of the top six problems of the seaweed farm, the saltwater will rust the gates and then the seaweed will get out. It's not going to work, is it? No.

It's really not. Even galve. It's not going to work, is it? No. It's really not. Even Galv, it's not going to stand up to those harsh... Currents. Those harsh currents and how salty the ocean is. Our number three on the list of the top six problems I can see with a seaweed farm, how do you whistle to your dogs underwater? And the dogs...

The dogs are like... Swimming along the dog Number two on the list Of the top six problems I can see with a seaweed farm How do you get the cows down there? Scooby gear for cows? Are bloody ridiculous

Nah, wouldn't work And number one on the list Of the top six problems I can see with a seaweed farm Bloody government Always shitting on us farmers Bloody government How do youitting on us farmers. Bloody government.

How do they get us? How do they bloody get us? Taxing us. What do we get out of it? Hey, pay the rent. Hey, bloody. Bloody, bloody, I'm out there in Wellington not even knowing what's going on down there in the bloody, bloody, I don't know. Hey, hey.

What the bloody, I'm trying to, bloody, diesel. Bloody diesel. I don't know. I don't know. Bloody government's in there. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Taxi Utes. Oh! Oh! Don't get me started. I was a junkie. That's just a piece of bullshit. No one's asking. I'm not that sporty. And I'm drunk.

We're out here. Rain, hail or shine. I'm down there in Wellington. I I'm Junk. We're out here. Rain, hail or shine. Down the room, Wellington. I'm worried about you. That's exactly how farmers sound. Catch a bloody break in the weather. Wet as a shag. Dry as bone.

I'm sure all the farmers in the milkshed right now are loving this. And we'd like to thank you for your continued patronage. Because we find it too hard to milk almonds. You guys are just so great, eh? Forgive me for my number one. That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM.

The Global Wealth Report for 2022 is in. I didn't know this was a thing. How did we do? Well. Is New Zealand on there? We're barely factoring in this. It's looking slightly, a bit depressing, but total global wealth grew by 9.8%.

Right. How do we, how? Do they just look at everyone's bank accounts? How do they do this? I really don't know. No, but I don't know how to do it. How does the global wealth, surely there's only so much stuff. Well, I think that what you'll find is the top of the list

are getting richer and the bottom aren't. Yeah, that's it. Inventing wealth. Where does the 9.8 extra come from? So, I don't know. $463.6 trillion US dollars. We need bad news. Brad on here.

So explain it to us. I've got a couple of questions. Somebody said, because you know how unemployment rate's really low. Yeah. That's what's causing inflation. Right. So we can't have both. Let's fire some people.

That's what I was like, who's ready to go? I remember when he told us last time, like, the interest rates are going up or the whatever. Inflation. Inflation's going up because we were told to support the economy and we did. Yeah, I know. So I just feel like we're being played for fools. Yeah, same. How do we win?

There's no win here. $463.6 trillion in US dollars is the global wealth. I'm thinking those communists had something going. There are 62.5 million millionaires worldwide. 62.5 million millionaires. Wow. That's the population of a fairly large country. Yeah.

Yeah. So this is the thing that made me quite shocked was the world's most richest country, most richest, the world's richest country is Australia. Well, no wonder everyone's moving there. I know, but they've literally been doing snapping off broccoli stalks and everything else.

You know what I mean? That's how the rich get richer. That is wild in Australia that they pay for the broccoli stalk. I know. Like we pay per broccoli. Yeah. And they pay weight. Some weeks you get a little brock. know. Like, we pay per broccoli. Yeah. And they pay weight.

Some weeks you get a little brock. Some weeks you get a big brock. Yeah. Don't matter. And it all just averages out to you normally just get a medium brock. So the report revealed that the number of millionaires in Australia rose by nearly 400,000 since 2021. Is it because all their property's gone up as well? Yes.

Right. One of the main reasons. Yeah, right. Like Sydney house prices? Yeah property's gone up as well? Yes. Right, so they're made... One of the main reasons. Yeah, right. Like Sydney house prices? Yeah. You think Auckland's bad? Yeah.

Despite having less than half a percent of the world's total global population... God, that's crazy. Australia's so big. Yeah. It's all very empty. Yeah. Despite having less than half a percent

of the world's total global population, the land down under is home to 3.5% of the world's millionaires. Wow, okay. So they're millionaire heavy. So you were just there at the weekend filming. Have you been paying attention? Living it up.

Did you meet any millionaires? I don't think so. I might have brushed shoulders. Yeah, right. Oh, yeah, I would have been in a room with a couple of millionaires. I met Michael Ball. Musical theatre royalty.

Yeah, I don't know who that is. The original Marius from Les Miserables, the original production. Yeah, I don't know who that is. The original Marius from Les Miserables, the original production. Yeah, I don't know who that is. Is he Australian? No, no, he's a Brit. He's a Pom. What's he visiting for?

He's there for a concert called, do you hear the people sing? It's like a tribute to Les Miserables. Right. Yeah, because you're like, I'm sad lesbians, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Sad lesbians.

Miserable lesbians. Miserable lesbians. Oh, yeah. That's what it translates to. Yeah, miserable lesbians. Miserable lesbians. Miserable lesbians. I thought that's what it translates to. Yeah, miserable lesbians. Miserable lesbians that squat. Yeah. Squat and do chest press. I know, because you were like,

I'm so excited I'm going to meet someone famous, and then it was him, and I was like, I've got no idea. I think you were meeting Kath and Kim, or Kim. I did preface it by saying that my drama school friends would be excited about this. Oh, right, okay. But I would assume he was a millionaire.

But anyway, well done, Australia. Is that what you say? And I guess if you want to be a millionaire, move to Australia. I think that's how it works. Yeah, pretty much. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fletchvorn and Hayley, silly little poe, silly little poe. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little poll.

Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll. Silly Little Poll today on social media. Do you prefer to block someone or mute someone? You know, if they're like, they're annoying or they're posting too much about something

or they're shitposting or whatever. I think if you mute someone, you avoid that whole, why did you, don't ever do that. If someone unfollowed you on Instagram, don't ever worry about it. No, I wouldn't. I certainly don't hit them up about it in real life. I wouldn't, but some people do.

Is a block the same as an unfollow? So a block will, yeah, unfollow them. They can't see you either. You disappear off the app as far as they're concerned. Oh, so you don't see them and they don't see you. But then if they were to log on to someone else's account

and you were still on Instagram, they would then know that you've blocked them. Okay. I see, I see, I see. So a mute is very, it's the way that they'll never know. It's passive aggressive. It is. Although they'll probably notice that you're not viewing their stories.

Well, if you never reply and you were replying or you never comment on their stuff and you were. 16. How do you see if you've blocked someone or muted someone? There is a way of seeing it,

under settings or something. You'll have, in your settings, there'll be a blocked list. Okay. A muted list. And then, is there a mute list as well?

Yeah. Okay. I'll try to find it. Because you're going to be able to find them to turn it off. Yeah, right. On social media, do you prefer to mute someone

or block them? 69%. Nice% said mute. Yeah. 31% have said block. Straight into it, Courtney says mute it so they don't annoy me day to day, but I can still stalk them when I remember that they exist. Yes. It's always a thing, isn't it, Courtney, remembering people exist.

That is like summing up the mute so well. Vicky says, mute, it saves the awkward conversation on why they can't find you, especially if you have mutual friends who are on social media. Yeah. Nicole says, I save blocking people for people I really don't like. Mute is good for people you still want to connect with, but just not on the level that they are posting. So they might be posting every day.

You're like, I don't need to see what they're up to every day. I.e. your friends in Europe at the moment. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-mm-mm. My thing with friends in Europe who have been there for months is, how will they afford this? This is whenever I'm there in Europe, I'm like, how are they affording this? Yeah.

I've been thinking the same thing. I think we're thinking of the same people. How have they been there this long? How are they afford this? How do they afford this? How are they doing this? Kimberly says, I like to block, but honestly wish you could do both of these in real life as well as online. Yeah.

Imagine if you could just block someone. I found out how to see. How to see who you've muted. So you go to your profile pic, then you go to settings, and then you go to privacy, and then there's a list down the bottom. Restricted accounts, blocked accounts,

muted accounts. Oh, okay. And then you can... I've only muted four. Okay. Two of which was for... I've muted four this morning. Two of which were for spoiler alerts,

like shows. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And two that I didn't know I'd muted. Oh. One we all know. Really? The plot thickens. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. One we all know. Really? The plot thickened. Oh, wow.

Understandable. I don't know why. Semi-understandable. Brad writes, a mute is stronger than a block because a block is in the satisfaction

of a screenshot. A screenshot is content. Never give your enemy content. Jeez, Brad. The art of social media war. By Brad. Michaela writes, work colleagues add me on Instagram

so I mute my stories from them. Saves me doing a close friends list. Yeah, good. So that's people she's worked with can't see at the weekend. She absolutely cuts loose. Yeah, good. Danielle says,

I don't want them to see what I'm doing or see any of my posts. So that by the sounds of block there. Yeah. Connor, only person I've ever blocked is my father-in-law. Haha, sweat emoji, fingers pulled emoji. Wow.

You don't need your family seeing some of your shenanigans. Yeah, agreed. Yeah, so there you go. It's strong for muting just for political reasons by the sounds of things. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Um, guys, this is all it took Guys This is all it took

This is all it took I went I got my Land Rover out of storage Garage is like complete Yeah Wow The power The power isn't hooked up yet

So Oh and also Side note You may remember I was the corporate voice Of Garrador garage doors Before you were fired For years

Well they just didn't renew the contract It's the same thing It's not very much the same thing It's the same thing. It's not very much the same thing. It's the same thing. You know, like when an actor does, like, the first movie, the second movie, the third movie, and then they don't come for the fourth movie? It's a gentle firing. It's a firing.

Maybe I was asking too much money. I wasn't asking too much money. But you've just got a new garage. Wait, and it's got Garadors. Wow. And I said, who is the voice of the Garadors ads now? I don't know. I haven't heard their voice.

Did you get a discount for being the Garador guy? No, no discount. No discount. It's lapsed, Jessie. Oh, lame. I would have gone with, what's that, Total Span? I would have gone with the opposition. No, it is Total Span, but they don't make the garage doors.

Oh. Garador make garage doors for Total Span garages. Oh, right. The inner workings, the political back and forth. Who knew? The behind the scene on a steel framed garage structure. Don't get me started. Who knew? But, so I got the Land Rover

back. It's got its own beautiful little special spot in the new garage, which is to be honest, it's ridiculous to keep my grandfather's Land Rover not rusting out as Land Rovers tend to do. I built a new garage, which is excessive. But the Land Rover also burps and gurgles and drops a bit of oil on the floor.

So I said to Shadow, I was like... As most old gals do. Yeah. A little bit of a slip, sneeze. A leak here and there. Achoo. But a wheeze comes out. But a wheeze comes out.

Achoo. But a wheeze comes out. Just a... Is it enough to put a little wheeze thing on the front a wheeze comes out. Just a... Is it enough to put a little wheeze down on the front of the jeans? No, it's not. It's a lucky day. Yeah, there you go. A little air dry.

You feel it slip? You look? Nothing. No one's going to know. Hey, that'll all be out soon in a rhyme and reso. Soon? It happened to me at the weekend. I think a little bit of wheeze came out.

Not enough to show through on the front of the jeans. We good. We good. On with my day. So I got some garage carpet. Just a strip of garage carpet. What? No, and I bought it.

Must be nice. Must be nice. Oh, did you? Good day to you. It looks like there's two new kings this week. King Charles III and King Vaughan I. Good day. I just put a photo up saying my Landrivers home.

Hooray. Why don't you just put an oven, like, you know, one of those oven, those tinfoil oven trays, put it under the engine. Oh, that'd be perfect. Yeah. Well, maybe I will have to if it drips on my new carpet.

And people are, so many people are like, ooh, garage carpet. It's just a, it's a two metre wide strip of, I didn't get the whole

garage carpet. Just like from Mighty Ten or something. Yeah, you go in and you're like, oh, you'll have four metres of that. It's two metres wide and four metres long.

Yeah. Ooh! Ooh! Must be nice. Ooh, got a bit of garage carpet, does he? For my third vehicle. What is it about going into a garage and it's got that carpet on it? That rough carpet.

Yeah, it is like pretty extra, eh? It's like, oh my God. What do you do when it gets dirty? Do you vacuum it? I think so. Yeah, you vacuum it. You've got to vacuum your whole garage because this is how you clean a garage with concrete floors.

You turn on the leaf blower. He's got a leaf blower. Must be nice. I'll be on the half-lens. Does this carpet get oil stains on it, though? It hides the oil. It hides the oil. It absorbs it. It's like a maxi pad.

Is it like a dark grey or like an oil colour? And it's got a, oh, it's marine. Oh. It's marine colour for the boat, darling. Right. Ew. So it's like hard. It's got a cold for the boat, for the boat, darling. Right. Ew! So it's what? It's like hard.

It's got a rubbery underside. So the oil won't go onto the concrete. I don't believe the oil will go onto the concrete. I mean, again, you could have got a $2 tinfoil oven tray. For more tips from the Millionaire's Club statue. Ew! I'm going to get an outdoor fan later. Must be nice.

But did you have a lot of people hitting you up when you put this picture up? Yeah. Where did it cost you? A couple hundred bucks. For a strip of carpet. Wow. Wow.

Must be nice. Must be nice. Must be nice. I'm sorry. Must be nice. I know some people are going through a hard time. Someone's voting national. Someone's a national voter. I wonder when you've got garage carpet, darling, you vote for apps.

Keep your filthy paws off my money, government. Yes! Must be nice! Jesus. I've been awake since 2am. I'm losing my mind a little bit. You're going crazy. I'm tired.

Are you awake because you woke up and remembered you've got carpet in your garage? I woke up and I was like, the peasants will be trying to start a revolution. Must be nice. I'm happy for you. I woke up because I couldn't see my cows on my security camera and I panicked and ran. I ran out there in my underwear and Crocs with a head torch on and I said, where are you?

And the cow was out in the paddock, but it wasn't having a calf. It was just out in the paddock. I couldn't see it on the security camera. Then I got back to bed and I had a paddock attack. So your truck has its own carpet and your cows have their own shed. Yes. Must be nice. Must be nice.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Just quickly, just a smart little suffix. Is that the one at the end? Mm-hmm. An architectural designer is listening to the show and I've always said. Oh, it's a station for architectural designers. And this is the home of architectural designers. Yeah.

We talked that time about grand designs, remember that? Yeah. And I talk about reno-ing all the time. And the station slogan is design out louder. Yeah. I thought it was today's hit architects. Today's hit designs. I thought it was. Yeah, okay, sure.

Today's hit blueprints. Today's hit designs. I thought it was. Yeah, okay, sure. Today's hit blueprints. Today's hit blueprints. Today's hit council consents. Yeah. Today's hit engineering report. That would be a very niche station. I'd listen. No, but apparently we've had a message in.

Architectural designer head, garage carpet is standard in New York. Oh! Must be standard. Does anybody listening have a garage Roomba? Like a vacuum cleaner that just services the garage area. That is out of control. I reckon some lads with home workshops would surely have a garage Roomba. No, because the stuff in the garage

would be too big for a Roomba. It would be like wood chips. Maybe it's like an industrial Roomba. Yeah. Ho, ho, ho. Ooh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Well, today, the 27th of September,

it's my mum's birthday today. Is it? Have you messaged her happy birthday? I haven't, but I shall. She's hooning around in her new car. She's traded in the Mazda 2. She said there's a lot of buttons and it beeps at her and it tells her the speed

she was saying. Oh, I hate that. And then it's got auto lane change and stuff and that's pulled her back a few times. Because you know she's all over the bloody road. She likes the rudders. Yeah. So it's her birthday today. It's October on Saturday

and we are 88 days today away from Christmas. 16 hours and 38 minutes. Exactly. Bloody hell. Close. Bloody hell. Can I just take this opportunity to make an announcement to my family?

We're not doing gifts this year. I'm out. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want anything. Somebody wants carpet in their garage. Yeah. I'll make you a card and I'll bake you some fudge. That's it.

You know, every year we hear from Wilson. You remember Wilson. He is fanatical about this and he's been sending me a whole lot. And I've just been like Treating him mean Keeping him keen Oh you Wow okay Yeah that's the sort of

Douchebag you're dealing with here And well now I've got a cave Surely Vaughn He says Please Oh he's been He's a great man Yeah

He's like What about this And sends me a display Of our Dancing Christmas Santas It's too soon of dancing Christmas Santas. It's too soon for dancing Christmas Santas. Is it though? It's full noise.

Is it too soon for Christmas tree headbands? You know, you put your headband on the top of a little decorative Christmas tree, like a fascinator or a Christmas themed fascinator or Christmas earrings. And I was like, I don't know, Wilson. And he's like, please, here's more. A Paw Patrol advent calendar, a Jurassic Park advent calendar. And it seems Te Wariwhari is already selling little puds. Oh, are they?

Oh, look, a pud. Little Christmas puds. What are they selling that for? Oh, Wilson. And I said, ah, look, Wilson, you scratched the surface. He's like, I've got, this was the Holy Grail he held out. But he's now reporting. Please, please, please.

The Swarovski Crystal Christmas Collection. Oh. God, I tell you what. I hope that's inside. That's very smash and grab. That's a smash and grab. Yeah. You got a smash and grab right there.

Don't do that. So guess what, Wilson? You finally made it through Christmas 2022. He single-handedly put up the Christmas penetration level a few percent today. He certainly has. Laura wants to add to the penetration. Laura writes, hi, team. I'm sorry to report this, but Hornby Mall has started playing Christmas songs.

No Hornby Mall. It's too soon. Would you say November for Christmas music? I don't know if you guys know this about me. You love Christmas music. I love Christmas music. Do you? Yeah.

Mary's boy child. I thought you were a bit... You're a bit... About music. I am. I'm a bit like... She can't be pleased. You're very holy in the mouth.

Yeah. I don't like the key change in that song. Yeah. That artist is dead to me. They're not even singing. They're whispering, aren't they? All I can say is Billie Eilish, speak up. I can't hear you.

Controversial call. Yeah, controversial call. It's her style. It's not? Sophie would like to report the appearance of Christmas Santa bears at Farmers. Oh, okay. There she said they're all hung up there ready for little boys and girls.

Do you put them away for the rest of the year? The Santa Bears. You think you just take their hat? Suffocate them in a plastic bag? You take their hat off and they're just a beer. Take their cardigan off

and they're just a weird white polar bear. Christmas decorations are very much available, says Luba. The Christmas baubles Let me unplug Luba. The Christmas baubles. Let me unplug my computer. The Christmas baubles and the cylindrical. Oh, yeah.

The transparent cylindrical stuff so you can see exactly what you're getting there. And if any little kids pulled one out and give it a ding. There are some crazy mums that love decorating a tree about now. Well, I need to. This is my first year doing my own tree, remember? So I need some baubles. Yeah, well, you've got to get out there and get a theme. Vanessa would like to report

Christmas infiltration. No, Vanessa. Penetration. At Beachlands, at Hello Banana. What's Hello Banana? Hello Banana. Hello Banana.

Where do wonderful secondhand finds that might just need to be shared? Somebody has reported these deer. Oh, yeah, okay, yep. Very Christmassy. That's an international report from Lafayette in Indiana. So much Christmas, so early.

So much so early. Nicole says here's some more Christmas penetration. You got it, you got it. Christmas penetration. Better get it. You got it. Good boy. Christmas penetration. Better get your wrapping paper in advance. Smarty Pants is selling a very bougie, artisanally handcrafted. No, it's not artisanally.

It's just, it's very, it's not your standard Christmas wrap. Oh, that's a bit of me. I like that. It's nice Christmas wrap. It's not just the stuff you're buying that rips too easy. Oh my God, it's like crepe paper. It's junk. It's such junk. I know it just that rips too easy. Oh, my God, it's like crepe paper. It's junk. It's such junk.

I know it just gets ripped open on the day, but. You do that thing where you can slide your scissors and then it snags because the paper's too. And then you end up tearing it. It's a dammit. It's a quality paper when you can get a glide and slide on with your scissors. Yeah. It's an absolute quality paper. Well, 88 days away from Christmas and all that means...

Oh, warm up that nose. Right now, Christmas penetration is at... 38%! Oh, it is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. And if you see any Christmas creeping in, screenshot it, send it to us. FVH ZM. I can put you in a box of glass. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. I can put you in. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Play ZM. Tomorrow, New Zealand gets its very first Costco Superstore. Now, this thing, this is like notorious, right? The most American place where you can buy chips and coffins. America has a few of these. There's Lowe's, Costco, Walmart. Yeah. Yeah.

These one-stop mega shops. Yeah, Costco and Walmart. But I think Costco's different because it's more random and bulk stuff. Right. It's wild. Like, I remember going into a Costco years ago in America and just being like, wow, you can buy, like, a huge TV and then you can buy all this dishwashing powder.

And a gun. And a gun and a coffin. Well, you need a gun now that you've got all that dishwashing powder so I'm not trying to steal it off you. Absolutely. It is wild. So yesterday, because I signed up, we all signed up a couple of weeks ago,

you've got to be a member to shop there. Yeah. I saw the line outside at the weekend So you pay your $60 a year and you can also get a free card for someone in your household and then you can go and shop there I went along yesterday

quite early when there wasn't much of a line and they had a temporary office That's where I picked mine up. Yeah, where you could get your membership from. But yesterday they'd opened up the front of the main doors and they were letting people in to the opening kind of foyer bit where the membership desk is. And you could just see everything.

How big was that? It is humongous. And you know, we joked about the coffins, but you could see, and I put this on my Instagram story, there's literally a display where you can buy coffins and then next to it was like the food place. And then next to that were like stick vacuum cleaners. Like

there is everything you could imagine. It is insane and I'm so excited to check it out. This is an unpaid endorsement by the way. Of course. I went into the office bit of it, but they had like a trestle table with some examples of products you could get. And all these like big bulk things of cereal or this.

And when they had, which I was surprised because it's an Australian product, was a ginormous tub of Vegemite. Wow. And I was like, that's me. Yeah, that's me as well. I'm gonna hoon a Vegemite, a big Vegemite. I'm going to get a big Vegemite and pretend I've shrunk.

Oh, no, I seem to have shrunk. But at least I have my favorite snack. You do a bit of character work. I do a little bit of character work. This is a character I call me, me at three quarter size. Oh, wow. Well, heavens forbid. I would be without my delicious Yeezy spray.

Just three quarter size? Nearly there. Just sort of like older child size. How long is it going to take? I mean, a family could get through a tub. How long would it take your family to get through a giant tub of Vegemite? If it's there, we

earn it pretty quick. Yeah, right. I would say at our house, a year. What did I see Vegemite or Marmite mixed with the other day And I said that's unusual but I'd try it Jam Avocado and Vegemite That's an absolute classic combo Jam a pickle on top of that

And some chilli flakes And you got yourself a wonderful little weekend toast But no someone put Vegemite in something the other day And I was like that's weird but I'd try it Yeah right Anyway I know But no, someone put Vegemite in something the other day and I was like, that's weird, but I'd try it. Yeah, right. Hmm. Anyway. I know.

Vegemite went into, and it was like a secret ingredient. Yeah. And they're like, do you know what my trick is? A little bit of Vegemite. And I was like, yeah, I put Vegemite into my... It was like, go to the social media desk. Karween might know this was on the internet. Is she there? No.

She hasn't seen it on the internet. She's shaking her head. It looks like she's having a little nap as well. Other person, do you remember what this was? Rude. Very rude. Other person. Other boy person.

If you missed it, our 7 o'clock secret sound call, I called producer Anna, other person. And that's her new name now. To be honest, it's the best name I've ever heard for her. It's humbling, I will say. Other person. I love that. Okay. humbling, I will say. Other person. I love that. Okay.

All right, what was it? I don't think it matters. Ramen or something? People absolutely pop off in a ramen. Where did I go last week? They add it to a lot of things. It was gravy! It was gravy!

Oh, yeah. Hit someone's message, Dan. Thank you. The two people who text messaged in, you're both saintly, saintly individuals. Yeah, okay, good. That would be good in gravy. I'll get another person to get in contact with you, and maybe we can send you some Vegemite. We can send you some Vegemite or some gravy.

Just a magic pattern. Well, you'll be able to buy the giant Vegemite from Wednesday. We'll see you there. We're going to go, aren't we? Let's have a little hangout in the afternoon. Well, no, I've been, like, my friends wanted a group trip, so I've been banned until they can all go. So you're friends, so we're...

What are we? Other people? We're just other people. That's unbelievable. I want to talk about, thank you for staying tuned, and now you will reap the rewards. We're going to head to Karwyn at the social media desk who walked in this morning and shocked us

with a claim that she's made. Karwyn, tell us. Well, I've never met someone with the same name as me. We got talking about this because it was a Nigel Fest. That's right, yeah. Some guy was like, we're holding the Nigel Fest. I don't want the name to go extinct. I want Nigels to know there's other Nigels out there.

And I said, surely if you're a Nigel, you've met other Nigels. Oh, 100% you would have. I've met tons of Hayleys. Everyone in the 90s was called Hayley. Everybody. But all these Nigels turned up to a pub in England, and there were like 400 of them. Nigel Fest.

Nigel Fest. Yeah. And Hayley's very common. Very common as muck. But Carwen, you're actually C-A-R- W-E-N. I thought you were going to spell it wrong then. That would have been hilarious. I'd imagine there'd be a Y

in because is it Welsh? Yeah, so it's Welsh and the male way of spelling it is an I or a Y. Female as an E. So have you even met anyone that spelt it wrong? Nah. Or different than you, rather? Nah. You would have met many a Carmen. Yeah, definitely. And I get called

Carmen all the time. But I've never met a Carwen. Oh, the name Carwen is a girl's name meaning blessed love. Aww. Good for you. What does Vaughan mean? Little. Does it?

Little wee man. Yeah, I think Vaughan's a Welsh name as well. It means little. What does Carl mean? Free man. Yeah. Not wrong, are they? German origins, isn't it?

Yeah. I think it means strong. Manly man. Manly man. Mask top.'t it? Yeah. I think it means strong. Manly man. Haley means... Mask top. Mask top. Yeah. Haley is like a field of hay.

No, it is. Yeah, it is. It's like something as beautiful as a field of hay. Oh, okay. Hang on. Let's have a look. Haley. Hay meadow.

British origin. Derivative of the surname Hayley, which means hay meadow. But you've met heaps of Hayley. Vaughan, there are tons of Vaughans. It's a very common name. It's a common, uncommon name. You know, there's not millions of us, but everybody knows a Vaughan. Yeah, and Jared, you've met many Jareds.

Jarrods. Jarrods. Yeah, they're all spelt wrong though. Jared Leto. J-A-R-E-D. Is the correct spelling. Yeah, two R's looks. J-A-R-E-D. Is the correct spelling. Two R's looks unusual. Two R's and an O-D.

It just looks like carrot. It's two R's and an O. That's carrot. A-R-O, carrot. I mean, this is almost a little bit of an impossible phoner really. So we wanted to know if anybody listening is in the same boat as Carwin and you've never met anyone with the same name as you. Yeah.

Because I would have thought Carwin, there would be lots of Carwins. I thought there'd be enough that you'd meet one. Maybe there's a Carwin listening. But I did try to look on Facebook. You know, you just look Carwin. Yeah. Not a lot. Well, it's good you've got a unique name.

I like that. You need to go to Wales it's good you've got a unique name. I like that. You need to go to Wales. Yeah, you wouldn't be unique. When you go to like a souvenir shop, would your name ever be on a cup? No way. Absolutely never. No. Same as Vaughan.

What about you, other person? That's rude. Anna. Anna's like, not only are you always on there, you're one of the first names. Yeah, so you're saying I'm boring. You're boring. You're top of the pile. Yeah.

Aaron, Anna. I wanted to tell everyone at school that my name was Annabelle just to kind of zhuzh it up a bit. But there's plenty of Annabelles as well. Annalise, yeah. All right, well, 0800DARLS at M. We want to take your calls now and your texts as well. 9696.

Do you have a name that you know? That was terrible wording. Do you have a name? Call us. Have you never met someone with the same name as you? Yeah, and how unique. Maybe it's not even a unique name, but you've just never met. We might connect people.

Well, yeah. I mean, what if there's a car one listening right now? That would be great. There is. Tick that off the box. Already. Well, yeah. I mean, what if there's a Carwin listening right now? That would be great. There is. Tick that off the box. Already, already, already. Wheels are in motion. We're wanting to know if you have a name that you,

I've done it again. We want to know if you have never met someone with the same name as you. That's better wording. Carwin has never met another Carwin. But we've had Carwin's message in, so they're out there. A couple of Carwins. Someone said the person at the head of IAT at our company is a Carwin has never met another Carwin. But we've had Carwin's message in, so they're out there. Couple of Carwins.

Someone said the person at the head of IAT at our company is a Carwin. Oh. We should get a Carwin on the phone so Carwin can talk to Carwin. Carwin can meet another Carwin. That would be nice. Carwin Club. Yeah. Start a club.

Kim, you've never met another person with the name Kim? No. No. I have met lots of Kim. It's my daughter. Her name is Olivia, but it's spelled A-L-Y-V-I-A. That's your fault. That's your fault.

Yeah, that's on you, actually. Olivia is spelled O-L-I-V-I-A. But that's okay. You spelled the name wrong. 99% of the people think. Yeah. And so is that common at all anywhere, the spelling of that? I think it might be more common in America.

Right. Do they call her Alivaya? Lots of people do, yeah. Yeah, and they go Alivia. Alivia. I think I might know an Olivia that's the same, but maybe where you've gone A-L-Y, they might have gone A-L-I. Yeah, yeah.

Alivaya. Alivaya. Okay, all right. I. Yeah. Yeah, I get that. Alibaba. Alibaba. Okay, all right. But say it Olivia. Kim, thanks for your call. Jarrah Lee? Hello. Am I saying that right?

Jarrah Lee. You are, yes. So Jarrah hyphen Lee. Yes. That was actually Dolly Parton's first draft. Jarrah Lee. Jarrah Lee. Jarrah Lee.

Jarrah Lee. And you've never met another Jarrah or Jarrah-ly. Jarrah-ly. Jarrah-ly. Jarrah-ly. And you've never met another Jarrah or Jarrah-ly? No, never. Is Jarrah that coffee stuff? Yes, it is. Yes, Jarrah. Yes. Jarrah.

It's one of those ones. Do you want a Jarrah? Oh, your mum's love a Jarrah. Would you love a cappuccino? Do you want a Jarrah with a cappuccino? We've got a Jarrah cappuccino. Do you like a caramel? I love a Jarrah-ly.

Do you like caramel? Jarrah. Yeah. What's the origin've got a Jarrah Cappuccino. Do you like caramel? I love a Jarrah. Do you like caramel? Jarrah. Yeah, what's the origin of the name Jarrah? It's a very different story that my parents came up with. Jarrah is actually an Australian tree. I've got a Jarrah tree. You can get hardwood floors made out of Jarrah. Yeah, but my name was originally going to be Ashley.

Oh. That was a real 180. Keep the Lee, scrape the ash. Well, there's an ash tree, isn't there? And now there's a Jarrah tree. You're lucky you weren't called bloody Pine Lee. Pine is ready artist Lee. Thank you for your call. Keep your texts coming in.

9696. We'll get to more of your calls and texts next. Bit of a sporum, Lee. Have you... God, now I've caught a Hayley's disease. Do you have a name and you've never met anybody else with that name? Does that work? Yeah, sure.

I'm happy with that. It's not my best work, but it'll do, right? Have you never met someone with the same name as you? Yeah. Yeah. Harwin hasn you? Yeah. Yeah. Harwin hasn't? Yeah, that's what started us on this. There are so many, like, we're hearing some unique names.

Very unique. Very unique. But then some, like, someone said, I'm a Saskia, and I've never met another Saskia. I know I've met a Saskia. I know a Saskia. Yeah, that's what they always say. Everybody always says to them as well.

I know one. One-time Saskia. Yeah. My name's they always say. Everybody always says to them as well. I know one. One time Saskia. Yeah. My name's Meredith. I've never met another one. What? There's heaps. And there's like Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy.

Yeah. I would have thought maybe popped off since Grey's Anatomy. It's usually the last name. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's usually people of Meredith is their last name. I've never met another Anouk.

Okay. Anouk. I know an Anouk. Is this the same Anouk? Maybe. Maybe you need to get these Anouks together. This could be your Anouk. You might want to check if it's your Anouk.

Astra. I've never met another Astra. I've met an Astrid and an Asta. Isn't there a Holden Astra? There is a Holden Astra. Also known as the Opel Astra. Oh, okay. Yeah, right.

In the European market. Yep. Hell of a car. My son's name is Maxon. It's a Welsh name. M-A-C-E-E, M-A-C-S-E-N. Does that mean like son of Mac? Maxon?

Oh, yeah, Maxon. Great magazine, though. Maxon. Oh, sorry, Ion. Great magazine, though. Maxim. Oh, sorry, I've got that wrong. Yeah, you've spelled that wrong. Yeah, that's, you know, I've never heard of that name before. No, but there is somebody else and their son's name's FHM, so that's... Ah, beautiful. Everybody's named after Boobie Mags of the

early 2000s. Yeah. Sindreen, you've never met someone with the same name? It's Sindreen? It's actually pronounced Sondreen. Sondreen. Sondreen. Okay, I mean, I've never met a Sondrine. Sondrine. Sondrine. Okay, I mean, I've never met a Sondrine. No, neither. But what's the origin of it?

The name's French. Okay. And apparently, I'm actually the firstborn, and I found out a few years ago that my dad, when he was younger, had a really good-looking French teacher called Sondrine. Oh, to add you. Oh, dog. That is a real Adam Levine move, that called Sondrine. Oh, glad you. Oh, dog. That is a real Adam Levine move, that.

Sondrine means little ashes. Yeah, I think it's like little ash girl comes from Cinderella. Oh. Sondrine, yes. It's a beautiful name, isn't it? I really like it. It sounds like some sort of veterinary medicine, doesn't it? Oh, you need 25 mils of Sondrine to give the cow the one the cow's going to get ringworm. You've made that really beautiful name and you're really tamed to it.

God, I need to go and get some Sondrine, a course of Sondrine for my dog. He's got worms. Sondrine, thank you for your call. Andea? Andea. Andea? Andea. Andea.

Andea. And what's the origin of that name? Well, I'm from South Africa. I was born there. Okay, and you've never met... No further explanation required. That's from South Africa. Yeah, I mean, that's your absolute single-sentence explainer, isn't it?

I'm from South Africa. Has producer Gerard ever met another Andia? No, I haven't. I've seen one Africa. Has producer Jared ever met another Andia? No, I haven't. I've seen one girl on Facebook from the same name, from Pretoria, but that's it. Because when I first saw your name on our phone screen, I was like, well, why is Andrea calling? There's many Andrias.

Yeah. Get that all the time. Yeah, you would. People just think you've made a typo. Yes, all the time. My, you would. People just think you've made a typo. Yes, all the time. My email is everything. Oh, wow. The contacts and everything.

I have to correct them and tell them my name is not Andrea, and then they'd still reply, I'm so sorry, Andrea. Auto-correct. No, auto-correct will do that for you. Well, Ondia, thank you so much for your call. Another text here. I've never met another Sade. I've heard about them. Every time Vaughan. Another text here. I've never met another Sade. I've heard about them.

Every time Vaughan mentions his wife, but I've never met one, I could hook up a meet and greet. Yeah, you could. Coming together of the Sade's, if you will. They could sip Chardonnay. I guess if I got them together, you could call me a bit of a smooth operator. I've referenced the song no one's heard of again, haven't I? That's what's happened to you.

I know the song. What's that got to do with Sade? That's her song. That's her song. Beg your pardon. It was a niche reference. Yeah, it's a very niche reference. Smooth operator. You ain't nothing but a dog player.

I get it. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. We've outed Soundkeeper Georgia for having a big weekend, but Fletch, you had a bit of a... I had a three-day, I had a big weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a bender. Yeah, big weekend. Did you?

Social engagements every day. Oh, yuck. Good on you, life's short. Yeah. And yours is getting shorter and shorter. Wow, yuck. Good on you, life's short. Yeah. And yours is getting shorter and shorter. Wow, thank you. Thank you. RIP Lizzie.

I mean, you know, she loves her GNTs. Oh my God, did she watch? So do I. I know. It was a weekend of mourning. Well, I'm being very judgmental here because I know you'd had a couple of drinky poos. You were with friends.

Yeah. And then I had a couple of drinky poos because we were, what's the word? Drowning our sorrows, Aaron and I. And then I received a missed call from Fletch. I will say that you'll hear this incredible story of goodwill and gifting to a friend. I was not, it wasn't a missed call. It was a divert to voicemail after one ring. I was diverted

to voicemail from one ring by Hayley Jane Sproul. Oh, why? What happened? I was in a meeting. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was in a

No, that's fair enough. I was in a top secret meeting. Okay, alright. And so I went, get out of here, you crazy cat. I can't chat with you and I know you'll be like,

come out, come out. I knew you thought that's what it was going to be. But anyway, then I received a series of frantic messages saying, give me all your flight details for my trip to Melbourne. But I didn't book this flight either. It was booked by the company I was working for over there. Give me your flight details, your passport number, your full name.

Because for those that missed it. Because your Israeli mate wanted to make a fake passport, didn't he? Actually, I very willingly handed him over. He had a bloody good run of that in the early 2000s. He really did, yeah. You did hand over your details very willingly. I was like, boom, boom, boom. For those that missed it, Hayley, you hosted the Australian version

of Have You Been Paying Attention, which is huge over there. Yeah, it's massive. One million viewers each week. So they were flying you over and back? Yes, they were. And so you were texting me, like, I'm just reading the messages and I was like, wait, what? Hayley James Brown. Here's my address.

Here's my number. Here's my Airpoint's number. And you said, screenshot your flight data. I sent it all off. I didn't know it was happening. And then you said, I've had an idea. You've got an upgrade. Well, yeah, because I've had this free upgrade that's in my account that you can use on a flight to Australia. Yeah. And it means you can use on a flight to Australia.

Yeah. And it means you can go from economy to business if there's a spare seat. Skip premium economy altogether. Yeah. Leapfrog. Leapfrog. And this was from travelling before the pandemic. Yeah. And it expires in December.

Yes. And I'm not, I don't have any travel booked. I'm not going to use it. And I was thinking, I was like, well, this is such a waste. And then I was like. It was all warm and drunk, you know, and he thought of me. What a nice thing. I was like, hang on a sec.

Hayley's going to Australia this weekend. No, we don't want to bring up the fact that producer Anna was also going to Australia this weekend and you came straight to me. Oh. Yeah, like it's just good to know where the other person stands. It's just really cool. Well, you are the other person stands. It's just really cool. Well, you are the other person. I will say this was

an Air New Zealand complimentary upgrade. You were flying, weren't you flying Qantas? Yeah, but look, a fortnight ago when I went, I went Air New Zealand, so the option was still there. I thought you went Lantan last time. Oh, I came back in Lantan. Lantan. Hola! That was so cute. Tim Tam?

No, Air Lantan. Tim Tam Airlines. Hola. That was so cute. Tim Tam. Tim Tam. No, Air Lantam. Tim Tam Airlines. Yum. Yum. And it's just a giant Tim Tam with wings. God, you hope you don't fly into a hot chocolate. Fasten your seatbelts. We've got a hot chocolate on the way.

Anyway, I got the upgrade, not you, Anna. And it worked, and I couldn't believe it. So I was sitting waiting for my flight and then I went to go check my, you know, what gate it was or something. And suddenly my seat number had changed from, you know, 43B to 4B. 4B. I can't believe that you got it.

I was like A? single digit C and I just I just couldn't figure it out I was like maybe they start the number maybe that maybe for business classes

is a different numbering system and I'm I'm just moving up the front and then I walked on and she's and then they said oh

welcome Miss Brown oh what there was like a surprise look like you're not meant to be here yeah welcome you trash um uh just over there It was like a surprise look, like you're not meant to be here. Yeah, welcome you trash. Just over there. Because usually you get on,

they're like, get, sit down, sit down, find your seat, piss off. And then this, oh, welcome aboard. Oh, welcome aboard. And I sat down and I was like, oh,

because it was the sky lounges, you know, the like. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't like the, are they the ones on the angle? Yeah. How's everybody vibing those? I've walked through business class,

and it's definitely a point of jealousy as I head towards the back of the back. I know, it's so funny. It doesn't look nice. No, it's so nice. They should let you board from, you know, the door in economy, so you don't have to walk past all the rich people.

Well, they did that on the way home. Oh, right. They put everyone else further back. But this, it was amazing. I sat down, and I was like pushing all the buttons and stuff and then someone came up to me and said do you want a glass of champagne? And I said How much does that cost?

Yeah, I was like Is it free? Is it free is the classiest question you can ask a business partner. Is this $4.50? What does this cost me? Now what would you like for lunch? Is it free? Then she went, oh, is this your first time? And I said, yes it is.

She said, well, I'll go get Heidi. Heidi? Is Heidi the first time consultant? Yeah, and Heidi came over and told me how to work the chair, told me how to work the thingy, kept bringing me champagne

the whole flight. Heidi was lubing you up. She was. And then she recognised me. She said, you're that comedian from TV, aren't you? And I said up. She was. And then she recognised me. She said, you're that comedian from TV, aren't you? And I said,

yes, I am. I thought she would have thought that it then made sense that I was in business class because people think people on TV make heaps of money. And then I said,

no, I'm not supposed to be here. I told her. My friend got me a free upgrade. I wasn't prepared for this. Famously, New Zealand comedians are terrible with their money Heidi absolutely

Heidi has no idea because when we went and we did the shows from Dubai Emirates upgraded us and that's it's a different world it was so funny though

because everyone around me heard that it was my first time and so like I'd get a champagne and they all looked at me and they'd be like cheers you know oh she's enjoying herself and then someone behind me on the other side was like heard that it was my first time. And so, like, I'd get a champagne and they all looked at me and they were like, cheers.

You know, oh, she's enjoying herself. And then someone behind me on the other side was like, first time, welcome. They were like, work hard and you'll be able to have nice things like this. Don't you know John Key was born in a state house and look what he made of himself. Anyway, I can't go back now. I see who are amongst up here.

You can't go back. Can't go back. Well, I've got bad news for you. He's out of upgrades. It's plastic cutlery for you from now back. Well, I've got bad news for you. He's out of upgrades. It's plastic cutlery for you from now on. No, I want the real deal. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Well, in the UK, Durham City are rolling out an initiative at bars, and it won't be everybody that goes into the club. It'll be at the discretion of bouncers. But they're going to start breathalysing people before they go into the bar. And what would be their acceptable limit of drunkenness? Well, so they're saying that this is all because of the cost of living crisis. But I think this just describes the Kiwi drinking culture anyway.

Oh, is this a new thing for them? Are people going to bars and then buying their drinks there. Apparently. That's stupid. That's so expensive. Do you know in the UK, like, bars open and clubs open early and then they finish? Yeah, really early.

Whereas over here, everything's open late and finishes late. Yeah. But, yeah, they're saying that because of the cost of living crisis, people are turning to drinking and preloading at home, which, again, just describing the New Zealand drinking culture and then going to bars because it's too expensive at bars and therefore a lot of drunk people are turning up

and making bad decisions. And then going in and having one drink there and that's the drink that tips them over the edge. Or just the complimentary water. Yeah. And so the bars aren't making money and the council and the city are having to deal with a lot of drunk people on the streets. So they're saying that the breathalyzer system will work as a lights system, meaning if you've had a couple of drinks, you're fine to go in.

But if you've had too much and your breath is your blood, what a breathalyzer reading is of a certain amount. Blood alcohol levels. Yeah, then you'll be told to go home because they want to stop the culture of preloading. I think it's just easy to tell. Sometimes people wear their drunkenness differently. Vaughn, you don't wear yours at all. No, and it's problematic.

Remember that time I just got really sunburned at the cricket and that guy said, you can't come in, you're drunk. I was like, literally, I've had no drinks. Yeah, yeah. Oh, but you look flushed. I looked flushed because I'd been in the sun all day. You're a dead giveaway. Your eyes give you away.

Mine's I can't string a sentence together very well. Right. It's like I'm saying words as if I'm speaking like this, but they make absolutely no sense together. Yeah. Turkish dogs took the scissors and they went for a walk down the merry lane. He's like, come on in.

Juxtaposition with your Makona, sir. Okay, please. Sure. This woman is having a stroke. Yeah. But wow, I mean. But do you think that they could do that here? Because like.

You know what? I don't know how far. This is the wrong time for everyone to be breathing on the same device. One. True. Very true. One. That's my first run of with it.

The police, they've got those removable caps. Not a good time for disposable plastic caps. That's my first run of with it. They've got those removable caps. Not a good time for disposable plastic caps. That amount of plastic. I think that's what I was thinking

if you were going to say reusable or disposable. That's a ton of it. But then I don't know if bars ever have made that much money here

because everybody preloads. Shots. Shots, yeah. It's shots. Your Jagerbonds, your shots. Your backdraft. When was the last time you had Jagerbonds, your shots. Your backdraft.

When was the last time you had a backdraft? You've had a backdraft? No. Oh, what was that drink? Sam Booker and they lit on fire and they threw cinnamon on it. Oh, yes, I've had plenty of those. And then you're stringing some words together and your eyes are rolling back. All right, fact of the day is next.

And I don't want to play it up, but this might be my favourite fact of the day of the year. Whoa! Wow, big call. Big call, Smithy. I just stumbled across this. The fact of the day I had planned. Scrapped monkeys, coffees.

It's next. And religious men next. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day, promise a goody. Here it is. Are you going to tell people how this came about? Yep.

We were out. I was making our 7 a.m. cup of tea. And on the coffee machine here, before Hana, who makes the coffee, arrives, there's a very aggressive sign that says, don't use me, I'm covered in chemicals. Yes. Which I don't believe. No, she just doesn't touch the coffee machine. Yeah, they just don't use me, I'm covered in chemicals. Yes. Which I don't believe. No, they just don't touch your coffee machine. Yeah, they just don't want people to touch it.

People try to make their own cappuccino. Do not touch. Coffee grinds in here only, which I completely understand because they want to organically compost that and they don't want milk caps and all that junk in there. And I reached for the chocolate sprinkle

on top of the machine and I said to Fletch, would you care for a little chocolate sprinkle? And he said, put that down, you're going to get in trouble. I said, you're on camera. The lady in charge of the security cameras loved nothing more than to. And I thought, wouldn't that be funny to like lose my house?

Presumably my family would have enough and walk out on me all because I touched the chocolate sprinkle in five minutes to seven. What happened to Vaughn Smith because they touched the chocolate sprinkle in five minutes to seven what happened to vaughn smith he touched the chocolate sprinkle it was pretty much like willy wonka's chocolate factory that little august has glumped touched something uh and i said to fletch why is a moccaccino called a moccaccino immediately popped into my mind yeah more than happy to order a mocha a moccaccino and never ask why it's called a mochaccino. And then I said, does it have something to do with it's a mock?

Coffee. That's what I thought. It's a mock. Or it's mocha Italian food. And it might have originally been like decaf and chocolatey. So I was like, I'm having a coffee. I'm a grown up. You're a fakey.

No, you're not. You're a teenager. Grow up drinking black with no milk. Excuse me. I have a mochaccino all the time. Yeah, grow up. It's embarrassing. Every time you do it, it's embarrassing. It's not. It's not even Italian. Okay.

It's Yemenese. Big yeah, pardon? Mochaccinos are named after the Yemen city of Mocha. Salmon fishing in the Yemen. Salmon fishing in the Yemen. Salmon fishing in the Yemen. Salmon fishing in Mocha. In Mocha.

Mocha, which I am assuming has a ch in it. Yeah. That's the sound in Middle Eastern and Arabic. Mocha is a port city on the Red Coast Sea of Yemen and was in the 19th century the major principal trading port for the coffee industry. Peggy Pryor. So you know Yemen and the Middle East

that, what is it? It's got to grow between those belts doesn't it? Coffee, the coffee belt they call it. It's got to grow between, it won't grow productively outside of outside of it. So are you telling me that in this port that the chocolate got mixed in with the coffee beans? My mistake. No. It's that the mocha beans in with the coffee beans? My mistake.

No, it's that the mocha beans were from there and they said they had a distinctive, sweeter flavour. And even now, in Germany, traditional Turkish coffee, the way they make coffee, is called mocha. Okay. There's a mocha pot. And all throughout coffee culture, the word mocha keeps popping up because of this principal trading port. Right.

I can do better. Oh, okay. You thought that was the fact of the day. I thought it was, and I was happy with it. Sit down. Oh, okay. You're not going anywhere. Why is it called a cappuccino?

Because it's a cup of delicious chino. Nope. Why is it called a cappuccino? It is named after the Italian monks, the friars of Capuccia. Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, my watch thinks I've had a hard fall. I'm okay. I was just excited.

I fell, but I'm okay? Yeah, I fell, but I'm okay. I fell, but I'm okay. It, I fell, but I'm okay. I fell, but I'm okay. It's named after the Capucha monks, the fryer monks, and it's called that because when they made a cappuccino, it was the same colour as the monks' brown. It wasn't black like a straight coffee. Oh, yeah.

Once the milk was added, it became brown and looked the same colour as the monks and had the white top from the frothed milk that looked like their little hoods. A lot of those monk colours are back in with bed linens at the moment. A lot of mustards. I've got like a sort of a rust duvet with white sheets. So I've got sort of a cappuccino. I would never have thought about monk colours. They are though, right?

They're always like dark, browns, and cheap to make, and you know, easy to do. So the Friar monks, the Capuchin, I was like, don't you dare whack your watch and tell me to hurry up. I'm very excited about this.

I said, I recognise that name. The Capuchin. Monkey. Mon recognise that name, the capuchin. Monkey. Monkeys are also named after the same monks. Or are they named after the coffee? No, they're named after the monks because the monkeys, when they first came across them, looked like they were,

because they're white around here and they have a little brown hood up, they look like they've got a little hood up. And they were like, those monkeys need a name. Let's name them the capuchins after the friars of the monks. Right. The Capuchin monks, who then also had coffee named after them. Right. Well, other producer has, other person producer's given you

six out of ten for that. A six out of ten? I just told you two origins of names of things you just take for granted every day. And the bonus monkey fact. These are my absolute favorite monkey fact. It had monkeys. It had men of the cloth.

It had Middle Eastern city that was a huge trading port. It had coffee. It had Italy. It had chocolate. It had four. It had literal chocolate sprinkles. You had a four. I had a four.

But I'm okay. Well, today's fact of the day is that the same monks that the monkeys are named after, the Capuchin monks, are also responsible for the name Cappuccino. And Mocha is Mocha because of the trading port of Yemen. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. I'll be right here for my head. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM's. It must be so strange when you're famous to see a tattoo of your face on someone. Have you guys seen one of you? No.

Jesus. I'd be angry if someone's like, I got a tattoo of you. I'd be like, what did you do that for? I mean, there was that woman that named her twins Fletch and Vaughn. High end move. High end move. Those kids are going to be like eligible for jail time now. Yeah, they probably would be.

They'll be old enough to go to prison. So I'd love to know what shenanigans is going to get those guys locked up for the first time. So there's a guy, Margot Robbie was being, the lovely Margot Robbie, was being interviewed On the red carpet And the person who was Interviewing her was like

You have to see this My producer Ashley Male Has a tattoo of you And she's like Oh my god That's crazy

And he goes Come over It is ginormous It is a ginormous Back piece Oh yeah Like huge Of her is...

Harley Quinn. Harley Quinn. And it is... It's terrible. Shocker. It's pretty bad, isn't it? And then she's like, that's so cool,

but it's like, she's like, clearly, oh my God, it's so bad. She's never gonna say that's terrible. No, no, no.

She's nice about it. No, she's pleasant about it. But I never find, like, even the good ones, they're very, really good. It's so hard to have a tattoo portrait, right? Because they can look pretty terrible. When you see amazing ones, you're like, oh, my God, that's incredible. I got my tattoo of Charlie Chaplin. I know.

Famous black and white silent movie star era Charlie Chaplin. He had a moustache that was later inappropriately taken by Adolf Hitler. And then my Charlie Chaplin tattoo got a bit stretched and now that takes explaining every time. I've seen just draw a moustache on him. Draw a whole moustache. Draw a whole moustache. It doesn't help. And say it's Tom Selleck from Mega VR.

Just go through some different moustaches. With a hat. Sam Elliott. Freddie Mercury. Yeah, some famous moustaches. With a hat. Sam Elliott. Freddie Mercury. Yeah, some famous moustaches. Okay, I like that idea. Yeah, yeah. But we wanted to ask the question this morning.

Is there anyone listening that has a celebrity tattoo? Like a facial tattoo. Portrait. A portrait of a celebrity on them. We want to know. And why you got it. Not like I got someone's signature. We want portraits of celebs. because they're such a commitment.

Would there be any dads out there? Would there be any dads with an All Blacks? I was linking dads with the three main dudes of Metallica. Yeah. I think Metallica get it. Bands like Metallica that, you know, Kurt Cobain. Yeah. Probably have, there was a lot of Nirvana tattoos.

Probably people have got Tupac. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you're real, they're no longer with us, that people have that emotional attachment to. I bet you they're still. Maybe this is a bit of an impossible phoner. Maybe.

I'm sure there'll be people out there, though, that have them. Well, maybe you know of someone or you've got one yourself. Do you have a celebrity portrait tattoo? Margot Robbie had to act very polite when she saw quite a bad tattoo of herself, a huge one over a man's back. So we want to know if you've got a celebrity tattoo and whether or not it's any good. Yes, a message is in.

No shortage of it. Somebody said, My husband is a tattoo artist and portraits are one of the most popular asks. Asks. Yeah. Which, again, like we said, they're hard to do right, though. Yeah. A lot of clients get their favorite singer or singers.

One client had a whole leg dedicated to Eazy-E of NWA fame. Why not? She got in touch with his daughter for a photo of the headstone and then sent the photo back when the tattoo was all done and the daughter shared it on her socials. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Someone said my husband has Bruce Lee. Can't show him, can you? He's passed. Yeah. Tupac. Can't show him. He's passed. And he got Kobe Bryant.

Oh, wow. So it's like an in-memoriam leave. Well, no, I don't know if he's getting them done before this. I mean, probably Bruce Lee was after. Oh, my God, he's cursed. Yeah, maybe. Abby, what celebrity do you have a tattoo of? I have the outline, like a silhouette of Michael Jackson on my ankle

that I thought was so cool when I was in my early 20s, but it's actually horrendous. It doesn't look anything like him, and I get a lot of abuse from a lot of people. Yeah. Could you, like, write on the tattoo, tattooed before recent allegations of lies? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Before the whole Finding Neverland thing, yeah. So that makes it even worse. Wait, how much is it? Have you had it priced up to see how much it would cost to get taken off? Well, the funny thing is, is that, because it's so, well, it's not very big, but it's very, very dark and quite big in patches. And I actually posted it to my community Facebook page.

Like, anybody got any ideas how to cover it up? But I got so much abuse from people. Aw, look at you. Why did you get abuse? You wanted to cover it up. Well, I absolutely want to cover it up, like, with anything, like a giant flower or anything. But honestly, every summer I thread the sandals.

Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, I'm sure you could easily get a design to cover that up. Yeah. Even to speak into a couple of... Well, then we should have an online competition. Well, I don't know if we want the abuse. Oh, you've always tattooed someone before you tattoo. Yeah, I put a sponge bulb on somebody's ankle.

I don't know how that's going. Apparently I didn't push hard enough. But I could... I think that's the time, Jay. I could do that. I could do a... Don't do it. Just get out the home needle.

The home needle. Don't do it, Abby. Abby, thanks for your call. Some messages and more calls next. Celeb tattoos. Do you have one? Is it any good? Or is it a shambles?

Better yet. Well, the Margot Robbie one is, yeah. It's bad. I mean, I saw her and she was really polite about it. She was nice about it, yeah. That would be the worst is coming face to face with the celebrity you have the tattoo of. Yes. And then, yeah.

They're like, oh my God, that's terrible. B, what celebrity do you have a tattoo of? It's not me. It's my partner, but he's got Richard Harris, the original Dumbledore, tattooed on his arm. Oh. There? Yeah.

As in the character of Dumbledore? In the character of Dumbledore. It's a whole Harry Potter sleeve, but it's recognisable. People know exactly who it is. Wow. Is Harry on there? No, he doesn't like Harry. He's not a fan.

Oh, my God. He is. He's the boy that lived. I know, but he thinks he's a bit of a wuss, so it's just Dumbledore. He's a child facing certain death. Who else is on this sleeve? Dumbledore is bringing him in the path of danger.

He's got Dumbledore. Who else? And Voldemort, just the two. Oh, wow. He's a bit in the path of danger. He's got Dumbledore. Who else? Anna Voldemort. Just the two. Oh, wow. He's a bit of a dark man. He prefers the, you know. He does.

He who shall not be named to the boy who lived. He's a Slytherin, isn't he? He's got big teeth. Did I just do a good joke? Is that the right one? He's got big Slytherin energy. Big Slytherin. Yeah, that's the one.

You know, I've only seen one of the Harry Potters. Yes. Yeah. Same. The last one, too. It was very confusing for Fletch. It was a weird wrap up. James, you've got a

tattoo of a celebrity? G'day guys. I've got a knee to ankle length Joaquin Phoenix from the movie Joker. Oh, okay. Good character. Didn't go for a Heath Ledger Joker or Jack Nicholson? I mean, the Jack Nicholson

is a classic, but Heath Ledger was probably Jack Nicholson? I mean, the Jack Nicholson's the classic, but Heath Ledger was probably too good. I went and watched Joker and I got it the next day. I was that into it. Oh, wow. Wow. It was very hard to find as well because the movie came out like 14 hours earlier, so there was very little images,

but it's the image from the end of the movie where he's eviling out Robert De Niro's character. It's just a great image, great scene. And I was like, let's do it. Called up my tattoo artist, who's a mate of mine, and said, I'll see you tomorrow. He said, I have appointments. And I said, bugger that, I'm more important. Go.

Cheap. You're really happy with how it turned out? Yeah, is it good? It is fantastic. We get a lot of credit for it, so I'm always trying to sell him. Yeah. But yeah, no, it's really good. It's hyper-realistic.

It doesn't just look like a sad sort of party clown fresh from drama school. It does not. No, I'm quite proud of it. Would you ever show him? Like, if you ever came face-to-face with him, would you be like, hey, check this out? Oh, yeah, I would geek out hard. I'd be like, look at this, your face is on my knee. And if he didn't appreciate it, I'd probably do nothing. I'd forget that the meeting ever happened.

Yeah, totally. James, amazing. Thank you for your call. Some other celeb tattoos. Corey said on Instagram, I've got one of Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec, but with fried egg eyes and a bacon moustache. Oh, we spoke to him once. He was very funny.

We've touched him a couple of times. It's not a funny tattoo. I like it. And he handcrafts canoes. He's an amazing man. He's a great woodworker. Some other messages in. My bestie has a detailed cowboy portrait of Bill Murray on her forearm.

Fantastic. Bill Murray would like that, I think. Yeah, he would. My brother has a portrait leg. It features many people, but including the guys of Step Brothers. Yes, so good. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly as their characters from Step Brothers. Heavens.

I just, no. Not for me, but good on you hello soundkeeper Georgia here so I've actually banned producer Jared from playing the secret sound guesses from the show in the Fletch, Fawn and Hayley podcast instead you need to listen to our secret sound podcast

to get it where you can text secret9696 and you'll get a link directly to the podcast or you can just follow our socials secret sound everywhere alright toodles