ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 28th February 2022

Episode Date: February 27, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Try their refreshing McCafe iced coffee. It's available now at Macca's. Also, hello and welcome to a non-funk week. Yeah, you've decided that you're not going to be in a funk this week.

I've had a mental shift. I've made the decision not to be in a funk this week? I've had a mental shift. I've made the decision not to be in a funk because last week, Monday to Friday, it was funky. Was it a five-day hangover after Vaughan's party? It felt like it on Monday that I was like, oof, this is day two hangover. But then Tuesday it sort of got worse. Right, okay.

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, it continued. By Saturday I was out of the funk. And then yesterday, I just decided no more funk. Right. So off to the gym? Off to the gym this week? Took a week off the gym to avoid COVID. And then I just sort of am getting sick of avoiding COVID.

So I'm just going to go back. Yeah. So I'm going back. You did your best over the weekend to try to catch COVID. I absolutely did. I had marching with a group of like 10 women. Women, of course, famously riddled with COVID. Oh, they've all got it. I absolutely did. I had marching with a group of like 10 women. Women, of course, famously riddled with COVID.

Oh, they've all got it. I know. And marching girls, equidistant. You know, we can't distance from each other. You're 150 centimetres away at all times.

That's within the two metres, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it is. And we had a dinner party, of course. But no, no COVID. So, yeah,

I'm going back to the gym. Eating healthy. I went to the pub maybe like back to the gym. Okay. Eating healthy. I went to the pub maybe like five times last week. We just didn't cook. We just didn't cook. We just didn't cook. Right. No groceries.

Just nothing. We've all been in those funks. We've all been in those funks. Yeah. How about the funk? So I ended it last night. I said, let's go have a send-off. So we went to Halotau and had some drinks.

Right. Okay. And poppers. Okay. So, yeah, right. end off so we went to halotau and had um some drinks right okay so free okay so yeah right so you maintain that behavior till the very end till the clock stroke of midnight and then you were like monday is the day yeah and i woke up and i was like good morning and i've had my smoothie that's the power of positive thinking it is no more funk and you can hear it and you didn't bitch about the smoothie today that's the first time in a long It is. No more funk and you can hear it. And you didn't bitch about the smoothie today. That's the first time in a long time.

Do you know what I've done? This is disgusting. I've removed the protein. And I know that seems counterintuitive for a protein smoothie, but the protein was making it so grainy and gritty. Yeah, right. So I've just gone quite simple banana. Good.

Why don't you just have a protein shake? Get a grip. Life's too short to be swallowing water and protein powder. Shaken together. You're not selling it harder for me. It's like a cocktail. Now you're framing it in my language. Let's not call it a protein shake, let's call it

a protein martini. I could put it in a martini glass and sip it all morning long. Play Zedium's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Thanks Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Excuse me, not COVID.

That's just breakfast. That's emotional. We've just been getting emotional this morning. Welcome to the show, Fletchvorn and Hayley. Two minutes past six. It's going to be a blimmin' good week. Last week was a funk week. Right.

Even with the nuclear, Russia's nuclear moving into, I sort of mean more on a personal level. Oh, right. But globally, probably quite a big funk week. Yeah. It's awful, isn't it, listening to the news? Also, you know, every night before the show, we scour the internet for fun stories to share with you all. It's depressing, isn't it?

And it's bloody depressing out there. Yeah. It's not good. But we're here to laugh out louder with Fletchbourne and Hayley. Yes. Yeah. A dry chuckle, it won't do.

We won't be happy until you've all... We won't guffawing. Yeah, yeah. Hardly laugh. Maybe even laugh. A little bit of snot comes out. Yeah. Then you get a dribble on.

That could be COVID. Get yourself a rat test. Yeah. Away you go. It's a miracle that we're all in studio. Absolutely COVID negative. Yeah. Done our rat tests.

Still rocking it. I did my absolute best over the weekend. I saw as many people as I could. And I'm sorry to say, I'm still negative. You're still here. Yeah. You're going to venture to the gym today? I am. I'm going best over the weekend. I saw as many people as I could. And I'm sorry to say, I'm still negative. You're still here. Yeah. You're going to venture to the gym today? I am. I'm going back to the gym.

I took a week off the gym because I was like, it seems insane to go to the gym. But then I was like, you're going to the same gym every day anyway. I've been fine so far. So we might as well lean in. Wow. Coming up on the show, the top six. Yeah, Kim Kardashian has bought a private jet for $220 million. If you're a billionaire, wouldn't you do that?

Nah. Nah. You would. If you're a billionaire, you 100% would. Go first class or just charter one. You can hire them, yeah. You don't have to own it. You'd have to hire so many private jet charter trips

before you ticked up your own. And then you've got maintenance. Who's getting the WAF? Yeah, exactly. What happens if it's failed its WAF because it's got a bit of structural rust, you know? I don't think Kim K is driving it to go get its WAF. No, but she's going to have to get someone to take care of it.

Tyres don't have enough tread on it. Right, you're saying it's like buying a second-hand European car. It is. Just constant problems. It's an episode bill waiting to happen. Yeah. All right saying it's like buying a second-hand European car. It is. Just constant problems. Bill waiting to happen. Yeah. Alright, so the top six dealing with this.

Yeah, the top six names for her jet. I don't even know if naming jets is a thing. I know naming boats is a thing. But I feel like she should name her jet.

Yeah, if you're going to spend that amount of money, give it a goddamn name. People spend $200 on a car and give it a name. It'd be rude not to name the jet. Play.

ZM's Fletchvorn to name the G an Australian Facebook group with 250 members on a Goldfields let's pay our mortgages that's what it's called Goldfields it's a group dedicated to

paying off their mortgage so buy is the goal to all chip in for a lotto ticket no no not initially

they were a Facebook group that just like discuss like a support group great way to pay Buy is the goal to all chip in for a lotto ticket. No, no, not initially. They were a Facebook group that just like discuss. Like a support group. Great way to pay off their mortgages and money saving tips. Oh, right. And like bits and pieces. But yeah, they also all chip in for a lotto ticket. Isn't that like a cent each? No, it was a massive one.

So they won $260,000 each. No, I mean how much they chip in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you've got 250 people. So they won $126 million Powerball. Whoa. But then I also don't think they're only buying one ticket. I think they all put in money and then they just buy however much they can.

Yeah, they buy a heap. Also, who's in charge of that? You need someone pretty trustworthy. I know. Because, A, you win. Do you tell them? Or they know. They publicly share their numbers.

Oh, right. Okay, so there's no getting away with it. They share their tickets in the group. Yes. So have you ever watched that documentary about that guy who did the maths on how much you'd need to spend to buy? I've read about it.

And then he paid people to go around and then he won. And once he'd done it, he could do it again and again and again. The first one was the big one where he had to invest his own money. And then, so they changed the system. I think they changed the system by adding another number. And it

just made it completely impossible. Wow. That's too big a group for a lot of syndicate. It is. I'm part of one. It's a huge lot of syndicate. My marching team's got one. We chip in.

How much do you chip in and how many people? So it's $2 a week. Yeah. And we get a big Wednesday and a Saturday ticket. Do you just have an automatic payment set up? Yeah, APs. Oh no, sorry, it's $4 a week. And I don't know how many in the group.

Ten maybe? Who's adminning this? So Sarah, my friend Sarah admins it and every week she buys it and sends us a photo. Oh, there you go. Hey ladies, here's our tickets. Does she buy them online? Mixture. Mixture of online.

So it's not automatically set up. She has to remember to buy them. Oh, you just scrolled up that WhatsApp group and there are so many tickets. not, it's not automatically set up. She has to remember to buy them. Oh, you just scrolled up that WhatsApp group and there are so many tickets. Yeah, we have not. How long have you been doing this

and not winning? Look at that. Royal Command Lotto Group. We won, we won the other day. Hang on, hang on. We won 15 bucks

and a bonus ticket. La, la, la, la, la, la. But that went straight back into the pot, I'd imagine.

It went back into the pot. We've had a couple of wins, like a $20 and a $15. And we have the option, but because there's like 10 of us, she's like, do you want to get their $2.50 back or do we want to just put it back in? We're reinvesting until we get a big win. That's not, like if you won, say you won one of those big 18 mil, that's nearly a couple of mil each. Just put it back in. We're reinvesting until we get a big win. That's not, like if you won the, say you won one of those big 18 mil,

that's nearly a couple of mil each. Yeah, that's great. That's pretty good. Oh, I know. And it's going to happen. Whereas this Facebook group with 250 people.

That's what we mean, it's way too big. Yeah. I mean, you wouldn't be complaining at $220,000. What did they get, $220,000?

$260,000. Ah, $260,000 each. Yeah, that's a good amount of money. That's a chunk of your mortgage, isn't it? If you won a million bucks as an individual, you'd be like, holy moly. Even as a group of 10, you'd be like, that's a great chunk of money. But as a group of 250. Yeah, too big for a syndicate.

So they're all based in Kalgoorlie. Kalgoorlie? Kalgoorlie. Are they underwater at the moment? Do they even have houses? No, this is in Western Australia. Oh, right. Western Australia, yeah. See those floods at the moment in Queensland. Yeah, in Queensland.

That's insane. That's insane, yeah. So Nadia, who's the elected spokesperson for the group, she said, given the fact that we all live in a small town, it's pretty much $126 million injection into a small town. Wow. But it's not because the big banks aren't based there

and I'm guessing that's who their mortgages are. Yeah, exactly. So chunk of that, but you know, still good for the town. Should we start one as a group? A little syndicate. A little lotto syndicate. Happy to admin. I want fingers in all the pies.

Of the lotto. We're not doing Keno though, are we? Because I don't know how that works. Does Keno still get a 10 to 7? Yeah, I still see the ads, but I don't know how. But I don't think they do the drawer on TV anymore. Can we do a daily scratchy? What about a scratchy?

Scratchy. The big ones that you can never justify buying by yourself, like the $15, the $20. Occasionally they'll have a $20 one in the market. And you look at it and you're like, there's only four of them on that roll. Yeah. They've got to be a big one.

It's a big investment. Okay, but I'll need to see the tickets. I'll need to see the proof. Yeah, I'll do it. I don't agree. This already sounds like he's going to be one of two involved. You be the admin then. No, I don't want to be the admin.

I just want to make sure you're not. He doesn't want to be the admin, but he's willing to do the overlooking and do more you be the admin then? No, I don't want to be the admin. I just want to make sure you're not. He doesn't want to be the admin, but he's willing to do the overlooking and do more work than the admin to make sure that the admin is doing the job of admin. So you're the manager. You're not cheating us out of a lotto win. I'm not trying to cheat you. Wow. They all say that until

there's a $4 million Powerball win in the group kitty. Yeah, and then I'm not at work for next time. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I don't really know why people are still planning on getting married at the moment because chances are your wedding will be cancelled. I'm a marriage celebrant and I became a celebrant for my two friends whose wedding has been cancelled four times and their new day is in a month.

Guys, that's not going to happen. Oh, that's not going to happen? It'll be their fifth time that they have had to cancel their wedding. Are they doing it at a venue? I've been renewing this marriage celebrants license year after year. Well, they were doing it at a big venue. Right. And then they postponed a year because that was 2020.

They postponed a year. And then that got delayed because of that little lockdown at the start of venue. Right. And then they postponed a year because that was 2020. They postponed a year and then that got delayed because of that little lockdown at the start of 2021. Yep. And then they downsized but then Australian family couldn't come over

and then they went, we're just going to do like a quick little breakfast but then this happened and now, so it's bad. Wow. But if people can come from,

oh no, New Zealanders can come from Australia to New Zealand from today, right? Yes, from today. Yeah. So maybe they will go ahead unless they're sick.

You just, yeah. I mean, I've had friends that have been married in the last month, but that was nerve-wracking. Lucky. To them, lucky. But, I mean, yeah, you'd just put it off for a while, wouldn't you? I know. But, you know, people still love getting engaged.

I loved getting engaged. Very exciting. Were you not rushing out to plan your wedding? No. I sort of just wanted the engagement. And now the idea of the day is like... Daunting. Daunting.

Other things to spend money on. Yeah. You know, it's not like... The piece of paper doesn't mean a lot to me. But people love getting engaged. But I've got the top three signs that your partner isn't going to do it. Does any of this ring true? Because you waited nine years.

I did wait nine years to be proposed to. But no, no, it was pretty clear that it was going to happen. It was just like. When? When, you know. When? When? Yeah.

What about looking at the sunset on a remote island in Thailand? Nope. What about in this beautiful camping trip up in the Northland region of New Zealand? Nope. Well, just what about in his undies just on a random night in the lounge? What is it in his undies when we're staying at a friend's flat? Yeah. That works for me.

That works for me. Yeah. Okay. Reason number three that your partner isn't going to commit, is never going to commit or propose to you. These come from a relationship counsellor in the UK. They're struggling to share their life with you. So they make big decisions without consulting you.

They don't have transparency with a lot of their financial things or their future plans. They don't share that with you. of their financial things or their future plans. They don't share that with you. Right, because they've got their other family. Yeah, or they're just going like, I'm just moving on individually. I'm not going to share my life with you. Number two, they downplay how serious a relationship is. But this is a little bit strange.

I have a friend who, before their partner proposed to them was 100% sure that they were going to get dumped because their partner started downplaying the relationship and being like, oh, look, we'll just see how it goes. We'll just see where it takes us. Just to build up the surprise. Because they were like amping up for this like big proposal and then my friend was like, I'm going to get dumped.

This is like not going to go ahead. Oh my God, this is, I thought this was get dumped. This is like not going to go ahead. Oh my God, this is, I thought this was the one, but now it's totally going the other way. So this could be a sign they're not going to commit or it could be a sign that they are going to propose. Who knows? But they downplay how serious your relationship is.

So when they're all like, this is my partner, they're like, wow, girlfriend. You're my girlfriend. Right. You're my bed buddy. And number one is they don't talk about future plans. I mean, that's pretty obvious, isn't it?

Well, yeah. You never talk about kids or holidays or houses or your hopes and dreams together. You just live your life in the now because you are a temporary part of their life. Look out for those signs. You might want to get yourself a new hopeful fiancé. Silly little pole, Silly Little Pole.

Silly Little Pole, we asked you. Lawns. Love doing my lawns. Mowing the lawns. You love your lawns, don't you? Love my lawns. Do it yourself or pay someone to do it. I walked past one the other day. It was Googling lawnmower.

What are those things you tow behind your lawnmower? Oh, that's for the paddock. Your catchers. Oh, right. Oh, yes. That's for your paddock. When the cows have been through right. Oh, yes, that's for your paddock. When the cows have been through, but there's a little bit of cooey grass

and stooky stuff at the bottom, you just want to thresh that off, you know? So it'll grow fresh, get some fresh clover growth through there. Yeah, tow behind ATV bloody topper mode. That's what I'm after. I didn't think you lived on a bloody farm in the middle of the Waikato.

No, I'd have one that went behind a tractor if I lived on a farm. It's just a little one I can tow behind my four-wheel drive motorbike. What were the stats? Well, mowing your lawns, do it yourself, or pay someone to do it. 82% of people said do it yourself, mate.

It's the bloody lawns. You can get out there, kiwi, ride a passage, mate. Lawns. It's interesting. I've got quite a number of friends that have bought like new build apartments or townhouse style and they only have a tiny little patch or a strip

of grass. Oh, what would you do for that? Do they call that a Hollywood? Just the strip? But they got they have in their complex a shared mower because like if you have, if every single little unit had a mower,

it would be ridiculous for that small patch. I'd just be worried that Russell two houses down wasn't like cleaning the grass out afterwards. Oh, yeah. Could you get like a little electric one? I really like a pusher. You'd just get one of those old school pusher ones. Yeah. You just can't let the grass grow too long, otherwise it'll never go through.

It'll never go through. Yeah. Just like,'t let the grass grow too long, otherwise it'll never go through. It'll never go through. Yeah. Just like, yeah, just like, you know, your pubes. Or if you had like... You've got to get through them. If you did have a tiny lawn and you were renting, wouldn't you just... Sometimes it might be cheaper just to pay. Get all the flat to chip in.

Everyone would like to do their own lawns, I'm sure. Yeah. But sometimes it's not convenient or not worth it to own a mower. Get on Facebook Marketplace. A little second-hander. Cheap little mowers on there because people upgrade and they just don't want the other one hanging around. They'll hawk them off.

Yeah, we've got a very old mower. We inherited it from Aaron's father. Massport? I can't tell you. You can't go wrong with a Massport. Aaron loves his lawns. I still mow part of my lawns now with the my childhood lawnmower yeah this thing is like

vintage yeah I'll ask you if you look after them treat them right keep it tight or something I want that to rhyme

for sure some messages in I do it because hubby mows penises into the lawn otherwise he's weaponising incompetence yeah

you don't want a big willy in your lawn Shawnee writes my landlord pays me to mow our own lawns He's weaponising incompetence. He is. Yeah. You don't want a big willy in your lawn. Shawnee writes, my landlord pays me to mow our own lawns. Is that in the form of a rebate or a discount? An initial discount or a rebate? Maybe a discount. Maybe he's like, this would be the rent.

Yeah, we did it. That's what we did when we were renting. Including lawns. We just said, we'll look after the garden. I think they knocked off 10 bucks. Right. They could have kept that 10 bucks and just put that in the fine Right. Well, they could have kept that $10 and just put that in the, you know, the fine print. Yeah, they could have.

You must look after, you know, do the lawns. Yeah, do you have to? It's all in the, you don't have to, but they can write it in. You've got to take care of lawns included in this. I mean, I guess no one wants to live in a jungle. No, exactly. Front lawns, like, yeah, some people do.

If your tenant was a jaguar, for example. Yeah, they love that. Or if you were George. Yeah. George of the jungle. Of the jungle. Yeah. Not George of the freshly manicured lawn.

That's not the title. That's not his name. Trace, whose Instagram username is COVIDTraceApp. That's good. I like that. That's clever. We rent and don't have a lawnmower. It's just easier to get somebody in to do it than somebody in the flat buy a lawnmower

and then fight over who's going to be doing the mowing that way. And it wouldn't be much because some old mate would come around and do it in five minutes. They just do the street, yeah. But a lot of the time, we've had people do our lawns before, like landlords organise, and they don't use a catcher.

And there's all that... On a small lawn, you've got to use a catcher. Just spritz their grass everywhere all over our lawns before, like landlords organise, and they don't use a catcher. And there's all that... On a small lawn, you've got to use a catcher. Just spritz their grass everywhere all over our lawn. Over our washing. Yeah, no. Look, I could go into the mulching. Put a mulch blade on there, but we don't have time. Danielle says, it's relaxing and I love the look, smell and the after

effect of a freshly mowed lawn. I could not tell you the last time I mowed lawns. Yeah. And it shows, you the last time I mowed lawns. Yeah. And it shows, you know what? It shows. It really shows.

Do you think on a freshly mown lawn some mushrooms pop up? Yeah. Have you ever had that? Or just moist, shady parts of the lawn. You might have a leak in your poo pipe. I said we might have a leak

in the poo pipe. Sometimes there's mushrooms on the lawn and you're like, hello. Do you ever stir fry them? No. No, but. No, because she'd trip balls, I'd imagine.

Yeah. It's a dangerous one with mushrooms. I'd be scared. Is this one going to kill me? It's going to be fun. Going to be like trip balls or am I going to be nutritionally, you know. Enhanced. Benefited.

Yeah. Brittany says, I pay someone to do mine and by pay someone, my dad comes around And he does it for free I'm 31 He's 70 He's keeping him on his toes though Yeah

Old mates love the lawns Old mates love doing a bit of lawns Mitch says My one year old son Is now interested in mowing the lawns And he has to be part of it Look at this little fella He's in the baby backpack

With his little earmuffs on Watching dad do the lawns. Good stuff. Oh, my ovaries. That's as cute as buggery, isn't it, right there? And finally, Carmen says, That'll cut into your drinking time. Oh, well, it will.

It will. Carrying the baby. Well, you could probably put a goon in the baby carrier and have a straw straight into your mouth. That's thinking. That's better than a baby, isn't it? That's better than a baby. For on the fly. You can get the baby carrier and have a straw straight into your mouth. That's thinking. That's better than a baby, isn't it? That's better than a baby. For on the fly.

But you can get the baby carrier. Yeah. Get a few in there. You can probably get three good. Yeah. That's a heavy baby and you're getting a good workout. I love this. Carmen says, last time I did the lawns myself,

I almost lost the leg. So safety first. Oh, yeah. That's why you can't lie down when you're doing the lawns. We're a bunch of lawn mowers, aren't we? Yep. 80, well, 80. Even the people that didn't mow, most of them wanted to,

but just couldn't be bothered. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Now, if I told you that a man stole a prison guard's uniform and then pretended to be a prison guard chasing an escaped criminal whilst at an on-site horticultural nursery. You probably wouldn't think it was New Zealand, apart from the horticultural nursery part.

Very American. Very American. Like a plot out of a TV show or a movie. Well, it did happen right here in Aotearoa, New Zealand. Which prison? Rimutaka. Oh. He's been named John Willis.

He stole a guard's uniform, pretended to be chasing a scoped criminal and ran straight past people, jumped in a Toyota HiAce van that had been used to transport the prisoners and away he went. What, they just left the keys in there? Must have.

How'd he get the uniform? Stole it. I don't know how he stole it though. Was he doing laundry? Yeah. But then the guards would take... I mean, I don't know how he stole it, though. Was he doing laundry? Yeah. But then the guards would take, I mean, I don't know the inner workings of the New Zealand Correctional Facility and their systems, but I would imagine they'd take their uniforms home.

Well, you wouldn't just leave a pile around. Yeah, it wouldn't be mixed with the laundry of the prisoners' uniforms and socks and undies and sheets and what have. Also, wouldn't you know, like, everyone you work with? I was just going to say that. So I didn't realise it was this big, but the Imutaka prison is the biggest prison in New Zealand. Okay.

I believe. Oh, that's from a couple of years ago, maybe. But it's only got 1,000 prisoners. So it's not that huge. It's not like a ginormous American prison. It's like a big school. It's like a big school. It's like a big high school.

And the teachers know all the students. Yeah, and so you wouldn't know. You wouldn't just be like, who's that? Especially you'd know your other workers, right? It would be like if you saw a teacher. Also, I'm just showing you a photo of the escapee now. I quite like him. I quite like him.

He looks like a fun dude. He looks like a cheeky. Do you think he looks like a fun dude. He looks like a cheeky little fella. I always reserve the cheekiness scale until I find out what they're in for. Oh, yeah, that's true. Take it back. Until you find out what he's in for. They've caught him, though, right?

Yeah, they caught him and masked it in a few days later. Well, he didn't get very far. No, he hit the bloody hook. Toyota did it. Run out of gas or something. He needed to keep going. All the planning, it seems, went into getting out, and then that's not where the game stops. No, no hit the bloody Toyota that had run out of gas or something. He needed to keep going. All the planning, it seems, went into getting out, and then that's not where the game stops.

No, no, no. You're on the run now. Yeah. What was his plan? That's my thing. I'm like, okay, maybe you could figure out how to get out, but then what? You're going to dye your hair and have a new name and a new identity? Like, had he shaved that goatee off?

Well, I was going to say, he's got a big goatee in this, so he could have, like, shaved that off. It's a good looking beard. People always look different without a beard. What did he do? Can we find it out? Because why bother? Are you going to get caught?

I don't know. There's no way that this ends successfully with you just living your life back in New Zealand. Especially if he's only in for something, you know, that he's in for six months. Yeah. You're just going to add more. I need to know more about him. I mean, unless you're in for life, don't bother trying to escape, right? You've got to admire the gall, though.

You do. Don't you? Yeah. A bit of fun for the guards as well. There's a prisoner on the loose. Something a bit different. How was your day, darling? Manhunt.

How are you going to believe this? There's a prisoner on the loose. Something a bit different. How was your day, darling? Man. How are you going to believe this? There's a prisoner on the loose. I'm just Googling his name, but it's all about his escape. It's not about his initial crime. It's all about don't approach him. Hopefully it was something silly like tax evasion. I don't think you go there for tax evasion. I don't know.

He stole some groceries. Again, I don't think you just go in there straight for stealing groceries. Top six. He's got 240 previous convictions. Oh, okay. So he's of great character. He's of great character. Yeah, he's got a big fixed CV.

Okay. He was believed he may have initially been trying to reach the protest in Wellington. Of course. Well, he was heading the wrong direction, heading towards Masterton. Or maybe he just stopped for gas and then just fell in love with Masterton. That's so many people do when they live the big smoke and explore some of beautiful New Zealand's rural settlements. They may have had some tinfoil left in the supermarket. Oh, he probably got asked to pick it up on the way.

Yeah, he's probably doing a tinfoil run. The top six is next on the supermarket. Oh, he probably got asked to pick it up on the way. Yeah, he's probably doing a tinfoil run. The top six is next on the show. Yeah, Kim Kardashian's dropped $222 million on a new custom-built private jet. I've got the top six names for that private jet. From the Panoramic ZM think tank, this is the top six. Well, Kim Kardashian has forked out

$222 million New Zealand dollars on a custom-built private jet. That's so much money. Is she a billionaire? Is that New Zealand? 41-year-old billionaire businesswoman, I said. Flew from Milan to LA on her brand new jet, which is a G65. Like a G6.

Like a G6. Like a G6. Like a G6. Like a G6. Might be a slightly more updated G6. Because I heard the story I was reading. That's nice. The story I was reading was like the base price is 95 mil. You know, if you buy a car and then you add on extras. It's a bargain.

95 mil. Like tyres. Should we all chip in? Far out. There's so much. Oh, it's. That's the interior. It's a bargain. 95 mil. Like tyres, wheels. Should we all chip in? Far out. Look. It's so much more. Oh, it's. That's the interior.

It's beautiful. I mean, golf stream. I reckon she'd have a tacky interior. I was going to say not my colour scheme. She had it. Because it says custom built, so they would have like changed the inside. It would all be cream, wouldn't it? Oh, it'd be so tacky.

Imagine how much fake tan she must get everywhere. Yeah, and her kids like ice blocks and stuff. You can't have cream stuff if you've got kids. No, no, no. Absolutely losing your mind. You know what? Her money. Yeah.

Her money. So the top six names for Kim K's new jet number six. And I was hoping, I thought that planes always had letters in front of them. Like if it was a ship, you'd say the HMS. Oh, yeah. But I can't find that private letters in front of them. Like if it was a ship, you'd say the HMS. Oh, yeah. But I can't find that private planes have anything like that. I think they all have to have a number though, don't they? Okay, I can say the number.

You've got to have a registration. I can say the number. The K687 is now the time? Seems like. Is now the time? Should we be getting a private jet? That's the name of the plane? That's the private jet.

Yeah, the name of it. Is now the time. The K687 is now the time? To be spending that much money on a plane? Is now the time? Well, she's got the money. Yeah. Yeah, but we don't have the...

She's not worrying about the fuel prices and how much these supermarket shops cost. Oh, not the fuel. The emissions. The emissions. I never thought about the fuel prices. What an expensive time to be filling up the... I think Air New Zealand came out today and said price is going up 5% fuel.

Does that mean we'll be paying more for plane tickets? It does, yes. Good thing we're not going anywhere. Bugger. Number five on the list of the top six names for Kim Kardashian's new jet, the K426. COVID hasn't been bad for everybody. So, as you mean to be getting these printed along the sign.

It's a very long plane. You can have as long a name as you want. It's a long plane. Have you ever seen boat names? They're a lot shorter. Yeah, they're like Martha. Yeah. You can come back and be whatever you want.

Or Orange Ruffy. Yes. But Ruffy's spelt different. Yeah. To the fish. Like it's rough like the sea. Ruffy, like the rough seas. There's that boat called,

there's a big boat called Sade and spelt the same as my wife's name. Oh, okay. Has she got another husband? Claim that. Claim it? What, like a pirate? Get on and be like,

this is my ship now. Arr, my name. Number six, number four on the list of the top six names for Kim Kardashian's new jet, the J774, Read the Room. Yeah. Yeah.

I like Read the Room. Yeah. Read the Room. It's not, this doesn't seem... Appropriate? Yeah. That doesn't seem appropriate. She's a billionaire.

She can afford it. I'm sure she does charitable stuff. Oh, I'm sure she does too, but to the accord of the private jet. $222 million? Number three on the list of the top six names for Kim Kardashian's new jet is the X722 better than

Kylie's. Yeah. Does Kylie have a private jet? I don't know. I don't think so. This is like a new custom build. But she's rich as well, so. Richer? Richer, yeah. Or as rich.

Well, she was richer, but then skims came out. Oh, skims are going crazy, right? Yeah. Yeah. I think Kylie does have a private jet. Jesus. But hers was only 80 million US. Oh, poor.

Like Povo. Yeah. It's probably second hand. Oh, yuck. Sorry. That's yuck. Oh, yuck. That's gross.

Would you, if you were hiring a pilot for your private jet, would you get one with a good pilot voice? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. So when it came over the intercom? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And I'd get one that wasn't afraid to take a shortcut.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. One that would compromise your safety. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, and I'd get one that wasn't afraid to take a shortcut. Yeah. Oh, yeah. One that would compromise your safety. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, sure. Just like, oh, it'll save us 10 minutes, but we're going to have to drop 5,000 feet pretty smartly.

I'd be like, just hold on, click, do it. Boom. Down we go. Number two on the list of the top six names for Kim K's new jet are the P7s. My favourite number, seven. That's why. Okay, the P7 is the divorce finalised.

Oh, yeah. You don't want this coming onto the table when they're divvying up their assets. Oh, yeah, true. China might really want it. Did you see there was just their prenup has been published, and they kept most of their finances completely separate anyway. Oh, wow. Smart, smart, smart.

Just the joint purchases will be. Yeah. Okay. And number one on the list of the top six names for Kim Kardashian's new jet, the D334, Petey's private plane. It's Pete Davidson. Petey. Petey gets to ride in the private plane. He's not going to know himself. Petey. Petey gets to ride in the private plane.

He's not going to know himself. Petey's really going to like that. He's going to have to put his feet on the floor, though, not up on the other chair. That's disrespectful to the cream leather. It is. I'm missing its cream. That is today's top six.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Keeping up to date with the news just became a little easier. NZ Herald's new podcast, The Front Page, is your short, sharp daily news podcast. Join me, Damien Venuto, every weekday morning as I chat with journalists and newsmakers going behind the headlines to break down what you need to know on the biggest news stories of the day. Listen to The Front Page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. PlayZM.

Teachers right from kindergarten through to 12th grade, 12th grade, there'll be seventh form in New Zealand, the end. Year 13. Year 13, yeah. And college professors are sharing the excuses their students gave that actually ended up being true. Right. There's a list, actually, of the top 21 excuses.

Top five, it's the last week of the semester. So what's the big deal? Yeah. It's St. Patrick's Day. Our other teachers held us back. My timetable showed the class was cancelled. I remember doing that. And I'm taking a vacation.

But some of the ones that... They're just like excuses. They just sound like, eh, F you, man. My timetable said this class was cancelled. Yeah, we used to have that. So you'd get a printed thing out that would go cancelled. Like, this class is cancelled when you, we used to have that so they'd, like, you'd get a printed thing out that would go cancelled. Like, this class is cancelled

when you get study time or something. Why would a class be cancelled? I don't know, the teacher's sick or something. I don't know. Could not get a reliever. I'm just confused

as to these cancellations of class. No, it's heavily vetted. You can't always get a... Oh, right. Yeah, we had any Tom, Dick or Harry, eh? The local drunk had come in.

Let's bring up someone's mum to come in Yeah and teach home ec But here are some of the We had home economics This seems great I mean I enjoyed it We did cooking and sewing Very old fashioned for an all girls school

We did cooking and sewing Did you? Yeah we did Everybody had to do everything I don't know if they do them anymore It's called Textiles Textile crafts.

Really, they really flashed it up. What was Home Economics changed to? We were Home Ec, yeah. I remember I made a curry for my... I mean, the most insulting curry for my Home Economics teacher, Miss Panday, who was Indian. And I was like, I'll make her an Indian curry.

It was like cream and honey and like curry powder and then she... And you were probably like watch that, that's pretty hot. You might want to watch out Miss Panday and then she bit into it. The chicken was raw. Why did you try to kill Miss Panday? Oh Miss Panday, she was the best but I served my Indian home ec teacher

raw chicken curry. First curry I ever had was in a home ec class. It was I ever had was in a home ec class. It was a guy who was in the home ec class and his partner was away. He's like, do you want to come and eat this curry? I was like, absolutely. And I ate the curry and I went home to my mum and I said, have you heard of curries?

Have you heard of curries? And mum was like, what kind of curries? I was like, and I told her the ingredients and she's like, absolutely not. If you had any idea how spicy that would be, it'll upset your father's stomach. He doesn't have any more quickies. Oh God. And it was really like the mildest butter chicken you could ever imagine.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Here's some of the great excuses that were shared with these teachers that turned out to be true. This is called the chicken of death. A guy in my college class missed class one day. The next day he came in with his eye covered up and medical paperwork. Apparently he got pecked in the eye by a chicken.

But if you just received a message, oh I couldn't do my homework, I couldn't get to school because the chicken pecked my eye, you'd be like, whatever. Yeah, well it was true. Here's another one, it's called Chicken 2. When I was student teaching, I was late because there was a bunch of chickens in the middle of the road. They wouldn't move at all.

In the middle of a city of 200,000 people, chickens. I finally get to school and profusely apologise to my mentor teacher and I told her why I was late, thinking it sounded stupid. And then she said, yeah man, those chickens are effing a-holes. They surround my car all the time. Oh wow.

What city was this with this wild chicken gang? I'm not sure. Somewhere. Right. They need to call in the colonel. He'll know exactly what to do. Surely this is Canada. Very late, they've called this story.

There was a bear in the backyard. Oh. Sorry I'm late. There was a bear in the backyard and they had no other access other than going through the yard. Animal control had to tranquilise it. Imagine telling a teacher that. Sorry to wait for animal control to turn up and tranquilise the beer in my backyard. Yeah, here's a photo of the

tranquilised beer. Yeah, exactly. Just so you know I'm not lying. Proof. Yeah. A guy said, sorry I didn't do the work over the weekend, I was abducted. And then it came up in the news that he had actually been kidnapped by two people and tossed in the back of a minivan. Oh my god.

Holy shit. You wouldn't expect to even see him on Monday, would you? Take the day off, mate. Take the week if you've been abducted. Have a post-abduction day. They drove him around while they were robbing everywhere and then tossed him out. Okay, excuse accepted.

You don't want to take an extra body robbing. No. Especially if it's just taking up room for swag that you could be stealing from people's houses. I like this one. A kid walked into my class one day and literally said, sorry, I'm late. I just didn't want to be here.

So that one was also true? That'll get you. And here's one that actually was the dog. A friend of mine turned in their homework late because her dog literally had eaten it. She even brought in a note from her parents saying, I know this is ridiculous but our dog did eat the homework. Well I guess that famous line's gotta come

from somewhere, right? Yeah. Oh, exactly. Like a dog tore it up. 100%. But we wanted to hear from you if you've ever had to give an excuse that just didn't sound true, but it was. And no one believed you. Maybe it was because you were late or you didn't do your schoolwork or something.

Surrounded by chickens. You're surrounded by, pecked in the eye by a chicken. There were bears in the backyard. Yeah. What was the excuse you gave that just seemed too wild to be believed? All right. 0800 DALS.M is the number you can text as well. 9696.

Those times when you had an excuse that sounded too good to be true. Too ridiculous to be true. Too ridiculous to be true. Teachers have been sharing the wildest excuses their students have given them that actually turned out to be true and not lies. And we wanted to know from you this morning when you've used an excuse, school or work, in any situation, that just sounded like it was rubbish. Yeah, it was too wild to be believed, but it was actually true. We shared one, there were bears in the

backyard, someone got pecked in the eye by a chicken. All true. Some text messages and I had to tell my insurance company, that's another thing. These stories tell insurances, which are technically an excuse for why something is broken, lost or missing. I had to tell my insurance company that I threw my iPhone from the

second story deck because a cicada flew in my ear while I was using it. Oh my god, a cicada in the ear. What I didn't tell them was the cicada was actually a leaf. I thought it was a cicada, but it was a leaf. In my defense it was a big leaf, but leaf doesn't sound it was a cicada, but it was a leaf. In my defense, it was a big leaf, but leaf doesn't sound as threatening as cicada. No. I know that feeling when you're like, I love cicadas. When you catch

them and you hold them in your hand and you can hear them go, and I'm like, listen to that. And everyone, all the girls, my girls and Sade just freak out. I'll let them go. You're the worst. I don't need to be imprisoned in your sweaty hands. They should stop landing right beside me. Tempting me with their little wings.

Jared, what was the wild excuse that was actually true? So, I got arrested before going to school one morning. Were you just doing a light break and enter? Like B&E. Yeah, something like that, eh?

I don't want to go into detail. Okay, Jen. Jared, eh? Okay. I don't want to go into detail. Okay, Jen. No, just fair kidding to yourself. Jared, so when you got there and you said, I got arrested, what did your teacher say? Well, the funny thing is that the police officer actually walked me into the school office. You sound like a bad boy, Jared, and I like it.

You know, if I was at a co-ed school and a boy was being walked in by the police, I'd be like, he's mine. Yeah, he's a badass boy. Right. And so they had to believe you because the cop was there with you. Yeah, pretty much. I tried to convince him not to walk in so I didn't look so stupid,

but he insisted. I think that was part of the punishment. Yeah, I think that was your punishment there, wasn't it? Yeah, it was. Do we want to talk about what you did? What did you do, Jared? What did you do, Jared? No.

I didn't do anything bad. I just sold a piece of item on Trade Me, and it turns out that it was stolen goods. Oh, it turns out. But you didn't steal it. You somehow came into possession of this. Yes, yep. Right, okay.

Are you a good boy now, Jared? Oh, I try to be, you know. That's right. Hey, if you're trying your best, what more can we ask for? Exactly. Jared, thanks you, Cole. Some more messages in. Of your excuses for why things happened.

I actually hear you guys were my excuse once. I was late for work because you said, wait right there, we'll take your story on the radio, and you made me sit on hold for seven minutes. Oh, wow, the sass. Wow, the absolute sass. I'm sure it was a great story, though. Probably promised you something, too,

and then just hung up at the end of the call. Yeah. Oh, I've got $100 here. At uni, my girlfriend stayed in my dorm. When I went to uni, I got a message from her saying, the door handles broke off in my hand. I'm stuck in your room. I had to tell my lecturer I had to leave the lecture

because I had a girl locked up in my room. Oh, dear. The choice of wording there is... Yeah. Could have been slightly better. I was late to work once. I was going through what can only be described as very heavy constipation. Oh, okay.

I finally had a break in the weather. Okay. To be interpreted as you can imagine. I had to ring the boss. And I had been talking to the boss about the constipation. Oh, too much information with your employer there. I came in yesterday. Somebody said I couldn't come in yesterday boss about the constipation. Oh, too much information with your employer there. Hmm. Hmm. I came in yesterday.

Somebody said I couldn't come in yesterday. I had a sunburnt nose and it was weeping. Oh, that's too burnt. That's too burnt. And it was burnt. Next time I went to work, I was presented with a nice wide-brimmed sun hat and much laughter. I had a cat ate my homework situation, says somebody else. Well, the cat literally did. We came out and I left it on the table overnight

to finish in the morning and the cat had just torn it to pieces. What are you going to do? Yeah. I mean, it's easier now. Back in our day, you had to take a photo of that and then take it to the pharmacy and wait two weeks for it to be processed. Now you can take a photo of it. Yeah, and actually prove it.

Now most of the time you would have typed up your homework. Oh yeah, true. Like kids had the iPads and the laptops and whatnot. What if the cat destroyed the computer? There's an excuse. The cat downloaded a torrent that was actually malware.

It destroyed the computer. That does not sound believable. Doesn't it? Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, this is how a man on Tinder managed to go from zero matches. Oh, babe. To over 100.

So he shared this on TikTok. He had zero matches. He showed his Tinder inbox empty. How do you get zero? Is there a picture of him? He's not bad looking, is he? No. He's cute.

He's cute, yeah. So zero matches. Oh, thanks. So he's like, well, I'm going to need to up my game. Right. And he didn't hold a fish. Ab shot? He didn't.

Well, no, there's no ab shot. Did he hold something else? He did use Photoshop to Photoshop himself holding a Iowa Lotteries check worth $343 million. He didn't just go for a little check. But he did it well. So he Photoshopped not only holding the check, but also it looks like he's in the Powerball office with the Powerball logo on the back. He did well, but couldn't he have just gone for like a five million? Yeah, that's too much. Wow.

It's 343 million. I don't know if this is a bad look for women, but they suddenly all of a sudden started matching with him. They came out. And he then had hundreds of matches. Ladies. And he's just kind of saying, well, isn't this kind of sad? That you could like me because I'm holding a $350 million check, but before you couldn't like me?

Wouldn't you say, like, screw you? Then he wouldn't go on a date. So he still loses. Yeah, so lose, lose for him. Lose, lose. Because he either gets no dates because no one's matching with him, or he gets no dates because he realises they only want him for his imaginary $344 million. Yeah.

Oh, Hugh. I just take the... Take your chances. How are you going to tell them you don't have $350 million? Lost it all. Because you've got a gambling problem. I won it. That was a beneficial part of my gambling issue.

Now I've lost it all, which I guess you could say is the bad part of my gambling issue. All right, 7.33. Next on the show, we're joined by Tom Mutch, who is a Kiwi journalist. Yeah, I've been on his Twitter. He's in Kiev. Kiev? I think he's just out of Kiev, is how we say it now.

Kiev, Kiev, is how you say it. Is it? Yeah. Also, I don't remember it being Kiev. Yeah, because I've seen it written down, and I thought it was spelt different as well. Like a chicken Kiev. Yes, Hannah! Which is, I believe I've actually had a chicken Kiev in Kiev.

Have you? So it said Kiev and it's not spelt like chicken Kiev anymore. He's not going to be talking to us about chicken. We're not going to talk to him. Thanks so much for joining us, Tom. What's the chicken like over there? Well, I can tell you it's great. It's really tasty.

The scenes over the weekend, Russia has invaded, is approaching their capital city. A lot of fighting overnight. I believe he's just out of the capital city. He was in. He's covering the events in Kiev and Ukraine. So we're going to chat to him next on the show. No cell phone reception, so we have to, I believe we're Zooming or Skyping in with Tom.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We are joined on the Zoom? On the Zoom. On the internet by Kiwi journalist Tom Mutch, who's in the Ukraine at the moment. Tom, good morning. Well, good evening for you as it is here over in Ukraine. How are you guys doing?

Good. Thank you. Thanks. We're good. Thanks for joining us. But how long have you been in the Ukraine? What's the – were you there already? Have you kind of been covering the issues going on there for a while? What's the story?

So I've been in Ukraine for about a month now. I was covering, you know, the lead up to the military buildup when people were still like, is he going to attack? Is he not going to attack? Is it all just a bluff for him to get, you know, concessions from the West or whatever? Turned out it wasn't. And I was right here for the very start of the war.

When on Thursday morning, I got woken up at 5.30 in the morning by the sound of cruise missile strikes hitting all over the city just explosions everywhere it was unbelievable so so whereabouts are you right now are you in a bunker uh no no I'm not actually I'm in most old Soviet buildings look pretty grotty but this isn't a bunker I'm actually in Lviv which is a western city near the Polish border and I'm afraid Kiev was just getting too hot it was getting slammed with rockets and missiles every day

Russian paratroopers special forces making their way into the city and so this is supposed to be a western Ukraine is kind of a safe area but look, we just heard an air raid siren go off the moment we got on the train. So absolutely who knows what's going on here.

But this is reasonably safe as far as it goes. Tom, I know your job is to report back and that's why you're there. But when you started hearing those sounds, was your first instinct, I want to go home, I want to leave? I mean, not really. You actually start to rather, rather than thinking about if far ahead enough is late, getting home,

your first thought is, you know, how do you survive on a moment-to-moment basis? Yeah. Where's the nearest bomb shelter? Do I have flies to get through the day? Look, normally I wouldn't have left a city under, you know, siege or bombardment, but we were told that, you know, this could have just been the absolute start of it

and that, you know, the Russian attack, if it happens, as we fear, like a really bad attack over the next week, it could look 10 times worse than what we saw over the last couple of days. They have the kind of artillery and tanks and firepower that are some of the strongest in the world, and they can just raise cities to the ground if they want to. Ukrainian people, from what we're seeing, seem ultra resilient.

And I mean, you've seen like the president, the mayor of towns picking up arms to, you know, defend their town. But is there a little bit of a feeling of where's everybody else? Like, do they feel the Western allies and stuff are standing off waiting or what's the feeling? Yeah, so I actually had someone that I know well on Twitter commenting, saying, you know, this feels like the Battle of Helm's Deep or something. And I was a little bit like, well, look,

Helm's Deep at the end of the battle, you know, the riders of Rohat rode in to break the siege. Is that going to happen here? Well, I don't think it is, because I don't think NATO wants to get into a war with Russia, because that could, you know, start people slinging nuclear bombs at each other, which I don't think anyone wants to happen happen and so what that basically means is i hope the ukrainians

aren't overconfident in thinking that the rest of the world is going to come to their aid with the military because it probably isn't that said they've been fighting like absolute demons no one expected them to inflict the casualties on the russian army and they've done it and they've managed to hold all the major cities for days and days now. The ones that the Russians have taken, most of them I think have been recaptured quite quickly, which is just not something people expected to happen.

And what about, we're hearing this morning talks about maybe holding a peace summit somewhere, or a meeting in another country. Have you heard any more on that this morning? Look, he's frozen a little bit. He's frozen. Hopefully he's still there.

Even amazing that we're getting Wi-Fi. I know. Because. Oh, you're back, Tom. You're back, Tom? Yes. I'm back. Yes.

So have you heard more about Peace Talks? Yes. Okay. So have you heard more about peace talks? Yes. Okay, peace talks. So originally Putin demanded that Zelensky, that President Zelensky of Ukraine come to Belarus. Now, Belarus is not a neutral country. Belarus is where Russian troops are stationed. They've been flinging missiles at Ukraine from Belarus.

And so Zelensky said, no way, I won't meet you there. But what they have agreed to do is they've agreed to meet on the border, on the Belarusian border. flinging missiles at Ukraine from Belarus. And so Zelensky said, no way, I won't meet you there. But what they have agreed to do is they've agreed to meet on the border, on the Belarusian border. It's actually very, very near the Chernobyl exclusion zone. So, you know, you're going to have this Chernobyl peace talks, which is mind-blowing. Yeah. And so what they're going to do there is they're going to meet

one side on one side of the border and the other side on the other side of the border. If you've ever seen those photos of Kim Jong-un on one side and the South Korean government on the other, it's going to look a little bit like that. But we have no idea whether they will lead to anything. It is possible that the Kremlin could impose and ask for such conditions that the Ukrainians simply can't accept and that therefore the conflict will keep going. And what we're really worried about is if the Russians say, right, we're going to take these cities by force and absolutely level them. They have some weapons that they haven't deployed yet

that are absolutely insane. You know, we're talking like flamethrower rocket launchers that sound like they're out of a video game. Use those in Syria to absolutely annihilate cities. It's hard to believe this is happening in 2022, isn't it? It's unbelievable, yeah. As I've said, a lot of people have said that the only thing they have is, you know, this feels like it's either out of a war movie or it's out of Call of Duty or something.

But no, it's really happening. Yeah, I saw you mentioning that on your Twitter that, you know, people have been asking around the world, oh, could this turn into a fully-fledged war? But it is, isn't it? Oh, yeah, as I said, it's war on anyone's definition scale. It's the most intense conflict, I think, since World War II, at least for the last week or so.

So for you, what's next, Tom? Are you going to stay? Are you going to leave? What's the plan for you? So far I've been saying I'm taking it about a day at a time, you know, sometimes even an hour at a time. Where I am now in Lviv, I will probably, because it's been, you know, reasonably safe, there have apparently been a few, like, minor, you know,

airstrikes or something in the countryside, but nothing that was putting us in serious danger. So I'm planning on staying here for a couple of days. Then I'll assess the military situation again. If the military situation seems to have slightly stabilised, I might try and go back east, go back towards Kiev or Zhytomyr or maybe Odessa and try and report on what's going on in the military situation there.

But I don't want to leave Ukraine unless they absolutely, absolutely have to. And I'm not at that point yet. Well, take care of yourself. I'm lost for words seeing the footage over the weekend. It's just, as Fletch said, unbelievable that it's happening in 2022. And thanks for talking to us from inside Ukraine today. Really appreciate it. If I could add one last thing. I remember I used to listen to you guys when I was at high school and I thought, you know what? It would be really cool to be on that program.

Are these the circumstances in which you imagined being on this show? Yeah. Yeah, wow. Okay. Wow. I tell you what, As tragic as it is That the world's falling apart You've just made me feel

Older than I am So Also my own personal tragedy No Thanks so much man Stay safe Tom Thank you so much Appreciate it

No worries We know that you're a good BBQer Vaughn Fletch Oh thank you Are you a good cook? He's a He's an alright cookie Oh yeah I do a great You're a bit BBQer, Vaughan. Fletcher, are you a good cook? He's an alright cookie.

Oh, yeah, I do a great... You're a bit more of a baker. Well, I can do some... No, I'm not too bad. I'd say I'm average. Okay, I'd say I'm sort of semi-professional. Oh, rate yourself. I'm pretty good in the kitchen.

Well, you did mention your private schooling where you made a raw curry. I made a raw butter chicken for my lovely Indian home economics teacher. And to Miss Pandey, I say, I'm so sorry. She genuinely ate the thing and was like, Hayley, this is raw. But I will learn. I will teach better. I am to blame.

Is that what you do? Is that what private school kids do to teachers? Like, you will eat it. And the teacher's like, I don't want to eat it. I am the blame. Is that what you do? Is that what private school kids do to teachers? Like, you will eat it. And the teacher's like, I don't want to eat it. I am the little princess here. Eat the raw curry. Do you know how much my daddy's paying you? Eat it.

I will teach better. I deserve this. I think we did things like scotched eggs. Oh, my gosh. Yum. We never did anything posh like a curry. No, but we had to choose. We got to choose a meal of our from our will basically. Right.

And you could cook anything and I chose the curry. So people were making all sorts of things. No scotch eggs. Was that fancy? No, I just thought that was weird. It was old and weird. I love a scotch egg though. Nah, no time for it. Can I say I've never had one?

It's like a mince, a pork, a sausage meat. Wrapped around an egg. An egg, yeah. Wrapped around a soft-boiled egg. Wrapped around a soft-boiled egg and then crumbed in deep froth. It was weird that they thought that 11... It's Scotland, babyumbed in deep fry. It was weird that they thought that 11- It's Scotland, baby. It's Scotland.

But it's weird that they thought that 11-year-old kids needed to know how to make a Scotch egg. We weren't allowed deep fry that much oil. No, I think we were just oven- Problematic in home ec. Do you know the one thing I remember from home ec was washing out an eggy pan and she was like, use cold water because the hot will set the egg. And I always remember this to this day. Use cold water? the hot will set the egg. And I always remember this to this day.

Use cold water. I'm learning it today. Yeah. Cold water. Because it doesn't set the egg. You've changed my life. Yeah. And here I was thinking

I was a semi-professional chef. Me? That's what private schooling doesn't teach you. I know. It doesn't keep us that humble. I'm assuming you had people to wash your pans.

Oh yeah, we didn't do the washing up. COVID. Not COVID. I'm in you had people to wash your pans. Oh, yeah, we didn't do the washing up. COVID. Not COVID. It's in the studio. Miss Punde, was that her name? Punde, yeah. Punde was absolutely just shitting liquid from eating that raw chicken.

She was also made to do the dishes. I deserve it. No, you're right. It is my fault for being a poor teacher. I wonder where she is now. I want to say hello hello and I'm sorry. Anyway, there's been a study in America of 2,000 people that found that 63% of people think they're so good,

such a good home cook, that not only could they compete on professional cooking shows like Iron Chef or Hell's Kitchen or MasterChef, but they'd get to the end. But it's much like people's, you know, when they go on singing reality shows and they think they can sing. I mean, everyone thinks they can sing. Baby, one more time.

You're like, ooh, that sounded good in the shower. No, no, it's, it's, ah, ha, ha, keep on falling. Hit it out of love. It's like, Tracy, that's a no and out of love. Tracy, that's a no from all of us. Yeah, Tracy. God damn it, Tracy. You needed a mother to tell you along the road that that was not good. 77% of them said that cooking is one of their favourite things to do.

Right. Well, you host, what's the show you host in New Zealand? Come Dine With Me. Oh, no, that was what you did at the weekend. Oh, yeah. No, I do host The Great Kiwi Bake Off. The Great Cookie Show. The Great Cookie Show.

The Great Cookie. The Great Hayley Sprouse Cookie and Cakes. I have so many people say to me as the host of The Great Kiwi Bake Off, like, I could do that. I could do that. And I'm like, do it. The pressure. The pressure's different.

The pressure's, the pressure's. But that's also like a chef is working to time restraints that the average person cooking at home can be like, ah dinner's gonna be half an hour longer than expected. Do you know who really shows up as a celeb? So we do a celebrity Great Kiwi Bake Off

and the celebs come on full of confidence. A bag of confidence. Politicians, comedians, actors, anyone. And very quickly the show humbles them because the pressure of cooking on those shows is immense. You've got five cameras in your face. You've got a time pressure that you don't have. You're working with new appliances,

different ingredients you're used to. Beloved comedian Justine Smith, who was on last year's Celebrity Bake Off, she was like, I hated that. I hated that. I'll never do it again. She almost had a nervous breakdown. And then you have to stand there

with the thing you're not really proud of and have the judges go, that's shit. And know it's all going to be televised months later when you're finally getting over your trauma. To have it all dragged back up and people to drag you online. Well, people are very confident in the kitchen. Are you still taking applications

for the next New Zealand? The Great Kiwi Bake Off is actually, I think, only for a short time left. Taking applications for the next New Zealand? The Great Kiwi Bake Off is actually, I think only for a short time left taking applications for the next season. Wow. I want to see. How many people think they've got it? As we say in our family, less hooey, more dewy. I love that. Yeah.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's ZM's Add to Cart. But all this week, Add to Cart, we're getting New Zealand celebrities to pack the items in our cart today. Maddie McLean. Maddie McLean, who's filling in while Bree's away

with Clint this afternoon. Busy boy. Very busy boy, burning the candle at both ends. He is. I'm worried about him. Should we give him a massage? Waking up super early. At the very least, we give him a massage? Super early? At the very least.

We give him a massage. Oh, you're not paying for one. No, you and I, four hands. A bit of canola oil. Or four hand massaging. While Fletch, you sing. I'll just watch. I don't think that's weird if you sit in the corner and watch.

I'll play the music. You know the lovely music that they have at the Thai massage places. I feel like you're going to be press play and then it's just going to be watching. Sure. Well, the first item that Maddie McLean has picked in the celebrity cart today. Ooh la la. Very Maddie McLean. It is a wine cooler.

Oh, that just sits on your bench. The wine cooler. Or in the pantry. It looks like a computer tower. Yeah. It does. Eight bottles of wine. So, Sproul, yeah. It looks like a computer tower. Yeah. It does. It's like eight bottles of wine. So Sproul, that's Tuesday for you. That's Tuesday sorted.

God, I have to keep recycling them in and out. Yeah, just remember to put them in when you're finished. All right, we'll jot that down. Georgia, we'll give you the next item at 11 o'clock. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, I'm very close with my family. I ring my mum every day.

Every day without fail? Yeah. Oh, I'm once a week. Sometimes two. So much can happen in a week. Not much. Normally just the cats have done something. Oh, yeah.

The weather's rained or it hasn't. Classically. Cool. That's how weather works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's either wet or dry No we just We call for no purpose And we've always done it

That's what my wife and her mother do Like three times a day Three times a day She's bored They're all bored Women are bored We're just bored in general No mine's like

Whenever I get in the car I'll just ring mum So that when I'm in the car With my hands free on I'm just driving along And we're chatting the whole time And I was I left marching training yesterday

And I hopped in the car And caught up with mum How was marching Off we go And then I was driving for about 35 minutes When I realised

For the last 30 minutes We'd been in a role play and we were like not having a genuine conversation. We were playing characters. I don't even know how it started. I think she mentioned that she'd gone to the supermarket and I said, oh, what are you picking up? She said, I've got to get some more tinfoil. I was like, oh, yeah. She was like, because, you know, we've got to make some more hats. We've got to get some more hats. I don't know if you saw, but we ran out of tinfoil. And I said, oh, yeah, I know.

So for those that don't know, in Wellington, there was a tinfoil shortage at the supermarket because the protesters believe that the government is zapping them with electromagnetic radiation. Yes. And so they have all these side effects. They have a lot of sneezing, runny noses, headaches, lossy sense of smell. Fever. Can't taste anything. Yeah.

And so they believe that. But it's not COVID. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. It's electromagnetic field poisoning. And it's cold and flu-like symptoms. But it's. Yeah.

It's because the British Embassy is shooting them with microwaves. Well, apparently they're hiding the big laser thing in the church. This is sort of how the role play started, was like me, us just getting into this jam about, you've got to watch out, Mama, because my mum lives in Wellington, of course. And she said, well, you know, I don't want people to know that I'm wearing it.

So she said, maybe I'll just sort of get one of those barbecue tinfoil plates. And she said, with a strap. And she put it, strap it under the chin. And I said, that's a great idea. And I said, but you don't want people to know. So you pop a beanie on. She said, oh, absolutely.

I'll pop a beanie on top. She was going to whip them up and send them around a little bit. And we know someone at the protest, so she was going to drop some tinfoil off to her. She was stopping past more Wilsons, of course, and they can get the catering size rolls. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is all, of course, role play. Wait, do you actually know someone at the protest? I do know someone at the protest. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, proud of her. Proud of her. But we're going to drop her off a hat and da-da-da. Anyway, this whole thing went on.

There's no audience. No one else is watching this thing. Primarily for the entertainment of the two people involved in that. We're not catching up. We're in this absolute role play for 30 minutes. It was so much fun that once I pulled up at my house, we were still going. I did a loop.

I did a loop around the block because I didn't want to get off the phone because we were absolutely having a blast. And I remember sort of when I finally hung up, I was like, is that weird that we do this often? My mum and I will just sort of pop into character and sort of get, you know, sort of drawn into a world and then we realise, you know, an hour's been and we've been in a different parallel universe and then we say, all right, an hour's been and we've been in a different parallel universe.

And then we say, all right, well, I'm home now, so I'll see you later. And it was at my sort of like the penny dropped where I was like, this is why I am who I am because I have parents like this. My father's exactly the same. Extroverted comedian idiots, basically. All we do all the time is just have a laugh and have fun.

And yeah, it was a real moment of me going like yeah I grew up with a mother who's just sort of playing characters I come from them I come from them I wanted to ask you guys because I just I love those moments where you often happens when you're getting older and you go ah

I'm becoming them oh god I'm becoming my mom or yeah i'm becoming my dad because i just yelled at someone or yeah you know said this or did that yeah but when what when was the moment that you realized where you get it from where you go ah that's why i do this thing well that's why i am the way that i am in a positive way yeah Sure, yeah. Not like, this is why I hate my body, because my, you know. Yeah, not like. My mum did Weight Watchers growing up. My mum dragged us after weekly Weight Watchers,

meaning it came out prime, because she felt disappointed that her weight loss hadn't been far more dramatic. Yeah. And then spent the whole car ride home. Complicated relationship with looking in the mirror. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we don't really want to hear those ones. No, no, no.

No, the good ones. Just the good ones where you realise why I became an actor because my parents were always in character doing these long role plays. Alright, what about yelling for quiet? The irony of yelling for quiet. That's something I've got off my parents. Quiet!

Quiet! Why is everybody so loud? Shush! Or, I don't do it, but, I mean, I yell for quiet, but when we used to fight and our parents used to smack us, it was punishment for smacking each other. And not see the wild irony of dealing with a problem with a smack and then being angry at your children for dealing each other with smacks. I don't know.

We are a reflection of our parents. God bless the 90s. We're talking about the moment you realised with your parents, oh, that's where I get that from after I got lost. I want to say it was about 45 minutes of just a sort of mini play that my mum and I were improvising. Oh, my mum wouldn't get on board. She'd be like, what are you doing?

Well, you don't really believe that hoopla, do you? Yeah. No, no, mum, we're playing. I don't play. What do you mean we're playing? This is why my mum just messaged. She's obviously listening and saying, this is why you have kids,

so you always have someone to play with. Oh. It's a real subtle hint that she wants some grandkids. She wants grandkids. Yeah. She'll take anyone's. They don't have to be mine. So we want to know from you those moments you realise that's where you get it from.

You're becoming your mum or your dad. Yes. The little things that you say or do. Some text messages. I come from a family of active relaxers. The minute we sit down, we're sort of like, oh, time to relax. And then just get up and start pottering around, doing something, fixing something, cleaning something, straightening something,

making something, pottering around. My parents have been like this forever. And people that marry into our family find it very frustrating. We're very hard to take anywhere. Because you just can't sit still. My dad's one of those. Yeah, he doesn't sit. Even when he's, like, sometimes he'll watch TV

and he'll do that dad thing where he'll stand because he doesn't want to sit when he's, like, sometimes he'll watch TV and he'll do that dad thing where he'll stand because he doesn't want to sit because it's too much of a commitment to a TV show. So he'll stand and watch it. And his eyes don't leave the screen, but he might move. Yes. He's thinking about the next thing,

the next place he's going to go. Yeah. But he's invested in the show. He might lean on something for a bit and watch. All right, we'll take some calls. Gemma, when did you realise you were becoming one of your parents? So my family was at a barbecue and watch. Alright, we'll take some calls. Gemma, when did you realise you were becoming one of your parents? So

my family was at a barbecue and my mum and I were sitting next to each other. We reached across the table around the same time and picked up a bread bun for chicken and coleslaw bread buns. Yum. We ripped it open

with our fingers at the same time, pulled out a piece of bread and ate it at the same time and then started making the sandwiches at the same time without even looking at each other. You've got to pull a bit of bread out of the bun. You've got to make room. Yeah, you've got to excavate a bit of bread so there's more room for ingredients.

That's such a little trick. I can see the sandwich you're making. I can see it. There was always like a lazy weekday. I'd be like, oh, I don't want to make dinner. Chicken buns? Chicken and slaw? It's chicken buns.

Well, if you're going for a picnic somewhere, it's the easiest picnic. It really is. All right, Gemma, thanks for your call. Great techniques. Rebecca, when did you realise you were becoming one of your parents? So I can't explain anything to anyone

without basically drawing a photo or like drawing a picture or a diagram. Oh, wow. One time my dad was trying to explain to my boyfriend how to put a TV mount on the wall between stuff. And he went, I'll just draw it for you. I'll draw it for you. And my sister said, oh, my gosh, you do that all the time. And now whenever I'm trying to explain something to someone,

and I just go, oh, I'll just draw you a picture, I just can't not think of my dad always constantly drawing pictures of things. Wow. I mean, it's helpful. Exactly. It's helpful. It could be. Exactly. We need you to see it.

We need you to see what we see. You're visual people. You're visual. Visual. All right. Rebecca, thanks. You called some messages in. My brother has

nicknamed me Barry Ann after my mum and my dad. Apparently everything I do will either be exactly how dad does it or exactly how mum does it. Barry Ann. Sitting in front of people, do you think you'd be saying Mary Ann? Yeah.

I was in a shed one day. I got very frustrated. I kicked some stuff. I pushed things off a shelf and I had a good swear and then I thought, oh, hello, dad. I was in a shed one day. I got very frustrated. I kicked some stuff. I pushed things off a shelf and I had a good swear. And then I thought, oh, hello, Dad. I haven't talked to you for a while. It gets worse and worse

as you get older, for sure. Sometimes it's not even, it won't be the specific of what I'm saying, but it'll be how I'll say it. And you do, you sort of look over your shoulder and you're like, mum?

Yeah. No, that was me. Do you make any noises? This is a real mum noise. Oh my God. That's a mum noise. Somebody else said tisking

and shutting the fridge when it's been open only a few seconds. When someone's literally taking something from the fridge and putting it back, putting it on the bench and coming back to get something else I'll shut the door in between it and give it my mum used to say

don't swing on the doors don't swing on the fridge doors do you remember that? when you'd like open the fridge as a teenager and like hang off it a bit like looking for something to eat the thing is though

because I don't have kids so I do my mother's things to my fiance oh that's good Aaron don't have kids, so I do my mother's things to my fiancé. Yeah, right. Oh, that's good. Aaron, don't sit on the fridge door. I bet he loves that. Why are you making toast?

We're having dinner soon. He's like, yeah, I'm a big boy. He's like, you always say that and I'm always hungry. You're going to spoil dinner and I'll put a lot of effort into it. That is such a mum thing to say. Why are you making toast? Dinner's about five minutes away. Hayley, I'm hungry.

Aaron, just have a piece of fruit. Have a piece of fruit. I don't want fruit. Well, you can't be hungry then, Aaron. Do you say plenty of water in the tap as well? Plenty of water in the tap. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Today's fact of the day is the president of Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelensky, who you may have seen on the news a lot, dealing with the invading Russian forces. He's been speaking. He's brilliant, isn't he? Yeah, he's wonderful. A lot of courage. Some really great quotes coming out.

He said to his fellow politicians, they shouldn't have photos of the president in their office. They should have photos of their children, the people that they should look at and think about every time they're making any decision that affects the country. Oh, I like him. I like him. His speech over the weekend to Russia was incredible.

You get the chance to have a read of that. Yeah. 44 years old. And today's fact of the day is he also won the Ukrainian Dancing with the Stars. What? He used to be a comedian, didn't he? Yeah, he was in a comedy troupe that kind of had a little bit of, from my readings, had a bit of a political slant towards the end of it.

Did they do a show that was kind of like Veep, that was a satire of the presidency? And then he became the president in real life? Yeah. Amazing. He became the star of a television series, Servant of the People, where he played the role of the president of the Ukraine.

In the series, his character was a high school history teacher in his 30s who won a presidential election after a viral video showed him ranting against government corruption in the Ukraine. The comedy series was banned and then unbanned, and then he became the... Actual president. The president of Ukraine. But if you...

It's really easy to find. If you just Google Ukrainian Dancing with the Stars, you can see like this highlights reel of his dancing and it's amazing. Well, you do think of our history of political figures

on Dancing with the Stars. Oh, horrible. Rodney Hyde. Yep. In fact, we could just say leaders of the ACT Party who went on Dancing with the Stars. Rodney Hyde dropped a woman

on her head. Oh my god. He tombstoned her. WWE Undertaker tombstoned her straight onto her head and then Seymour did it, didn't he? Yeah, as try as we might to forget David Seymour's run on Dancing with the Stars, that happened

as well. But this guy can actually dance. He was the winner of the first ever season of Ukrainian Dancing with the Stars. Wow. Yeah. I mean, it's not that it's hard to take someone seriously, but if, I don't know, what would be the,

who would be the equivalent person? A comedian like Guy Williams. Who then becomes Prime Minister of New Zealand. A comedian. A bit shouty. A comedian with, I love Guy Williams, but a comedian with a great political comedy. Then imagine if he became the Prime Minister of New Zealand.

I'd vote for Guy Williams. Tom Sainsbury. I'd love him to be the Prime Minister. Yeah. Very caring. Very caring. And all of his addresses would be in a different character. Oh, that'd be, he could play his whole cabinet.

Yeah, exactly. He could do a press cabinet. Yeah, exactly. He could do a press conference about COVID as the cat. Yes. I mean, that'd make it a slightly easier pill to swallow. It absolutely would. Perhaps, perhaps. So today's fact of the day is the man you're going to be seeing a lot on the news. He is the president of Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelensky.

Won Dancing with the Stars in 2006 Fact of the day Day, day, day, day I'm all started, I'm all started, yeah Don't get fleshed outed Don't get fleshed outed in here Don't get fleshed outed Don't get fleshed outed in here Well, I mentioned this to you in passing in conversation. Aggressively.

And Vaughan, well, you're on my side, aren't you? Yeah, I am. Sorry, I don't know why I was jumping teams so quickly. That was a whoopee cushion, by the way, if you heard that in the background. We've still got the whoopee cushion. It's providing endless entertainment. I would say the whoopee cushion's been the star of 2022. It has.

Hey. Oh, yeah, hard to get a squeaker out of the whoopee cushion. Oh, my my god Grow up That was a good one I love it when it's a classic fart Like a real Yeah yeah yeah It's a one in a million

But every now and then You're absolutely It takes you back to your childhood And a fart from your childhood Can you My Can you focus on the show please What What got the blood pressure Up at the weekend What did you your childhood. Can you focus on the show, please?

What got the blood pressure up at the weekend? What did you scoff at? You were like, when... Let's dive into the big issues. When you cross the road at a pedestrian crossing... Which is your right to do so, that's why they're there. Absolutely. The traffic stops for you. As I was stopped

on my bicycle, even though I whizzed past my can. Hang on, this is new detail. I think I'm jumping. I'm jumping ship again. When you cross a pedestrian crossing, you have the responsibility to cross swiftly. Oh, yeah. Put some pep in the step. Oh, yeah.

Don't dawdle. You do not dawdle. Well, I witnessed a couple, and I think they were being all lovey-dovey with their coffees, going for a walk, and they dawdled. They weren't old either. They were young. I was going to say. They dawdled over this pedestrian crossing.

No, I was on my bike. Oh. But I couldn't go because they were about to walk out on my half. Oh, okay. So I actually had to stop. Oh, my God. You've been inconven couldn't go because they were about to walk out on my half. Oh, okay. So I actually had to stop. Oh, my God. You've been inconvenienced. You've been inconvenienced.

But then I stop and I just see them doodle, like the slowest ever crossing. Like, even an 80-year-old would have crossed faster. You definitely,

I mean, if you've got the road to your south, by all means, take your time. Doodle all you want. Doodle, doodle, doodle. But if you are holding up even more than one other person,

you've got to get across swiftly. Get a little pep in your step. The more important question here I need to know, did they flick you a wee wave? No, they didn't wave or acknowledge anybody that stopped for them. Anybody that's not run you down. Always acknowledge and say, thanks for not running me over. You agree with me.

I agree with you on that. If people don't acknowledge me, even though it is their right of way on a pedestrian crossing, if they don't flick me a thank you, a finger, a little acknowledgement. Or just a nod,

like just a look. You nudge them. I toot a little bit. Absolutely I'll toot. I wouldn't do that. I'll just sit there and I'll be like, boop. And I'll be like,

thank you. You want to say something to me then? I don't even have to say thank you. It's a pedestrian crossing. Not a car. You absolutely have to. It is an unwritten law. I always do but I think some people don't. I always just give a little wave or a thank you. Absolutely. Going down a narrow street and you're like well I'll just make way for you

even though there's no right of way really. If they don't give me a little finger flick at the end, I'll toot. I toot. Also, if I see a car coming and they're like just a little bit too far away

or they're just quite close, I might just kind of hold off and just wave them through. Oh, beautiful. Oh, no, don't wave them through. Because then it's just, no, but it's quicker for them to go through

and me just to go. But they won't because they've already started the slowing down process. No, I'll just wave them through. No, no, come on. Come on, you're taking the lead. Or if they stopped for me, I would just go fast. I'd even just do a little jog to get across.

Absolutely, a light step. Peeping your step. A little go-go. Because you've got to think about the other people. It's selfish. It is selfish. I had a tour de cyclist yesterday. What?

I had a tour de cyclist yesterday. They were coming across the road. Yep. And it wasn't a pedestrian crossing. Yep. It was a tour de cyclist yesterday. They were coming across the road. Yep. And it wasn't a pedestrian crossing. Yep. It was a, what do you call that? A cut-in. Oh, yes.

So it was the allocated crossing part. Yep. But they were crossing across, and I was driving up to it, and they started crossing. I said to Shado, they've seen us. That's not a zebra crossing. This isn't a spot for you. Yeah.

This is a spot to cross, but you don't get priority crossing. No. And then they absolutely just la-di-da-di-da. Oh, so it does it for you. No, but this wasn't a pedestrian crossing. Okay. I was like, and they looked and they were like, a condescending wave.

Like, sir, please. Okay, polluter. Okay. Move it, champ. Do you remember Getting taught When you As a kid When you cross on a Zebra crossing

If you're on a bike You get off And you push the bike And then you Do you remember this? Oh yeah vaguely So when I see That was the rule

But no one ever did it When I see people Biking across a crossing There's something still in me That goes Panics you You gotta get it off You gotta get off the bike

Nah You gotta walk it across Now we always used to Stop on our bikes And like lean against the post. I always see, sometimes I see sometimes I see grown adults waiting at the traffic lights to cross and then they'll

wheel their bike across. I'm like, nerd. Life's too short. Yeah. Get moving. How about those people, how about the people on the bikes that stop at like a light or a pedestrian thing and they don't even put their feet down, they just do that balancing thing. Oh, that's because your clippity clippity shoes are locked in. That's hot. When they do that, I'm like, that's some hot balance.

Would you take umbrage to a cyclist pulling up at the lights like that, clippity-cloppies clicked in, and resting on your car? Absolutely. Oh, you'd let them touch the new chimney. No, no, I'm saying I'd take umbrage with it. Oh, you would. I'd squirt them with the water squeegee. Get that to shoot back at them. That's what I think

cars need is a directional water squeegee. Yes. So just if someone's next to you at the lights with loud, you know those trumpets that they've got

on their car, the sirens, you just squirt them. You could have it on the same sort of motor that controls your side mirrors. Yes.

The side mirrors and the water you squirted. How great would that be? Pss, pss, pss, pss, pss. Stop it. It's like squirting a cat for being naughty. Yeah, exactly. And they're like, hey, hey, you're getting my car wet.

You're like, well, stop playing your silly sirens. Bet that'd be out of water too pretty quickly. It would be. There's been a study done on the behaviours of cheaters. Okay. People who stray from their classically monogamous relationships. I say that because they're becoming extinct. Not extinct.

They're not. Rare? Things like polyamory and open relationships are more and more common these days. Not in my life. Anyway, this looks at the question of once a cheater, always a cheater. Okay. The answer, yes and no. Oh, right.

Wow. What a definitive. Such a great study. What a definitive study. The answer is yes and no. Well, look, there's cold data here. If someone has cheated in the past, they are three times more likely to cheat again.

So that, I mean, that's pretty definitive, that there's a likelihood. Shouldn't be surprising, though. They've done it once. Of course they're more likely to again, right? Yeah, but as this relationship expert explains, like, the reason why people cheat, it's often that's the thing that will define

whether they'll do it again. Right. Or whether it was a one-time kind of slip up due to things. So like a serial cheater often has the personality traits of a narcissist. That's the monkey from the Coco Pops. He's a serial cheater. He is.

Or Oates, for example, that's another serial cheater. Definitely a serial. Oates or O. Or oats, for example, that's another cereal cheater. Definitely a cereal. Oats are oats. Wow. Not agree to disagree. You're just rogue. Nope. Oats are oats.

I was in the supermarket. I saw the sign in the aisle. Oats has its own thing. Its own category. Because oats are oats. They're a cereal. Anyway, narcissistic personalities, they have traits like a sense of entitlement, less capacity for empathy. So if you're a cheater or if they are a cheater and they've got those types of personality traits, not very empathetic, they are more likely to do it again.

Whereas if it was someone who cheated due to sexual boredom in their current relationship or just out of an inability to communicate that they wanted to leave that relationship, they're less likely to do it again. So it's not always true. Don't they get bored again? It's not guaranteed.

Well, hopefully they just find a more interesting partner and don't get bored. Yeah, right. That's the key. Yeah. Just find a good one and and don't get bored. Yeah, right. That's the key. Yeah. Just find a good one and you won't have to do cheating. So once a cheater, always a cheater. Yes or no?

Yes and no. Yes and no.