ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 28th November 2022

Episode Date: November 27, 2022

Black Friday Spend    Build-A-Bear    Top 6: Helicopter  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!  What has your Couch seen?    Vaughans no good, very bad day    Monday Maestros!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, great barista made coffee on the go. How was everybody's weekend? Good, I marched all day Saturday and all day Sunday. Yeah, we'll talk about Vaughan's horrible weekend soon on the podcast. He had a horrible Saturday.

Yeah, no, mine was good. A lot of marching. A lot of marching, my mum was up. Got to hang out with her a Yeah. No, mine was good. Mine was good. A lot of marching. My mum was up. Got to hang out with her a bit. Aunt Patsy was up. Patsy was here.

Missed her flight. Missed her... Well, no, it was cancelled. Oh. Yeah. Flight home or flight here? Flight home. She's still here. Oh, is she?

Yeah. Why don't you get her to come in one morning when she's here? I would love to. Oh, bring her in. That'd be lovely. Absolutely. Has she still got her real estate haircut? No, no. Could she? She's got a choppy blonde shaggy do. I love it. Oh, bring her around. That would be lovely. Absolutely. Has she still got a real estate haircut? No, no.

Could she? She's got a choppy blonde shaggy do. I love it. Oh, okay. Nice. At the weekend, I went to Christchurch. Lovely time. Oh, no, we didn't ask you how your weekend was.

Yeah. You asked us, presuming we'd want to know about yours. Well, now I'm going to tell you about my weekend. So, actually, it was a device. Uh-huh. He only asked us about ours because he wanted to tell a story about his. Well, we've got to talk about something. So my weekend of marching isn't enough?

Well, I mean, it's not a vent. I thought the patsy missing the flight was probably the peak of the conversation. Yeah, that was great combo. Yeah, so she didn't miss the flight. Just reiterate, it was cancelled on her. It will be interesting to see how Fletch tries to top that. Okay, well, I went to a concert at the weekend and they blew a fuse. Oh, yeah, at the Killers.

At the Killers. Did you hear about this? Didn't you already go to the Killers last week? Well, accidentally. Yeah, right. Well, I wasn't going to. How much do you love the Killers? I do love the Killers.

Well, no, I wanted to go to one of their stadium shows. But I wanted to go on a Friday night so I could get absolutely boozed.ed and and enjoy the concert which i couldn't do on a monday but then they announced that surprise midnight show and i was like i cannot say no to that right of course so i did end up seeing them twice but yeah they were mid song they just started a song and then you just heard a big like you know like a pop in the speakers and all the lights went out and what did everyone do what was was just dark. What was the crowd's reaction? They were just like, what?

And then it started smelling like smoke. Oh, wow, that big of a... Yes. Nice. But they did just have pyrotechnics go off behind them, but it wasn't that. It was something had melted or blown. Jeepers.

And yeah, the lights came on and I was like, well, that's the end of that. And yeah, 10 minutes later, they must have put a new fuse back in. God. But yeah, apparently fire trucks turned up. So it's all the end of that. And 10 minutes later, they must have put a new fuse back in. God. But yeah, apparently fire trucks turned up. So it's all the story afterwards. Nobody got handsy in the darkness?

Not that I saw, no. No one grabbed you? Grabbed your tush? Nobody grabbed my tush. I was once at a, this is problematic now, but it was 2008. So forgive them. I was in Edinburgh and I was staying at the military barracks. I was there for the tattoo. is problematic now but it was 2008 so forgive forgive them yeah i was uh in edinburgh and i was staying at the military barracks i was there for the tattoo okay and that obviously all the

soldiers were there and we were at this it was like an air like a hangar type thing and that's what they had is the cast bar right okay and then we were there and everyone was tousled and then the lights went out and everyone was like oh and then the lights came back on, and so many of the soldiers were naked. So that's what they do. That's what they do when the lights go out. Yeah, well, they just came out, and then there they were super nude. Bizarre, isn't it? It was funny.

Bizarre. The armed forces. It was funny. Yeah, I know. Who would have thought? Yeah. Who would have thought? Oh, next time I'm in an area

And the lights go out I'm going to immediately Take off all of my clothes I don't know if that's And then when the lights Come back on I'm going to scream Help someone steal my clothes

Well you're innocent Well I would have Thrown them you see So people will then say Oh my god are these your jeans They'll be like Yes Yeah

Okay Right Fair enough Oh well I'm glad You enjoyed the concert Great concert yeah And then they came back And it was back on

Back on yeah Huh Wow Huh Huh Do you reckon that Beat my My mum's plane

Got cancelled Um I would like People to listen To this podcast And not take These two shit stories As a reflection

Of the rest of the show Uh It's fair It shall be said though That we all Don't want to be here today We're very tired than not take these two shit stories as a reflection of the rest of the show. It's fair. It shall be said, though, that we all don't want to be here today. We're very tired, aren't we? A bit tired. I guess you call it fucking over it.

Is that sort of description of it? Over the year. Just over it. Over the year. Crawling towards Christmas. I mean, I think we pulled it back, though. I think we turned it around. Yeah, it's a good show. Yeah.

Good Lord. Like, can we just stop talking so I can go? Deal. Thank you, Lee. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I'm just showing. There is a weird energy here this morning.

I'm just showing Fletch and Hayley the world map according to fish, which is just everything. How did they do it? It's just water. energy here this morning. I'm just showing Fletch and Hayley the world map according to fish. Which is just everything. How did they do it? It's just water? No, if you look at it, it's actually really cleverly done. It's the border is land. Like, it's all the seas joined in one flat. And this

is parts fish will never get to, like mountain ranges. There's the Himalayas through there. The question is, did we need this? Yes. Yes. Did we need this? I love maps. Yeah, okay.

Here's the world according to fish. That's a world map according to fish. I'll tell you what, we've got one. Might get that on social media, eh? That'll pop off. We've got one month left. What do we do? We've got four weeks of shows.

Is just everybody tired at the moment? I'm so tired today. And I was asleep by 9.30. Like, that's good for me. Yeah. What a big weekend. No, just lots of marching. Lots of marching.

Lots of marching. They had a loss at the weekend too, Vaughan? To North Korea, I hear. Yeah. They lost. The champions. You lost, you get to go home. North Korea marching team loses. Bang. They lost. The champions. You lost, you get to go home. North Korea marching team loses.

Bang. The champions. Who beat you? Who are these young upstarts? Well, there was a miscount. What's a miscount? I don't know if they've told the team yet. Your team.

Yeah, we... Your team doesn't know they've lost. No, no. Our team won. But at the awards ceremony it was not announced that we won. Scandal. It was a real la-la land situation.

Yeah, so the other team went home with the trophy. Now they have to bring it back. Yeah, a bit awkward, isn't it? How did this happen? They missed a sheet in the counter. Ah.

I don't know. I don't know. Different judges' sheets. Right, so one judge's points didn't get added to the total. Yeah. Ah, wow. That was a big whoopsie. Hey, look.

What? Wow. Real scandal in the marching world. What? So your team lost and you were up there like, explain to me how this happened. Explain to me how this happened. No, we took it on the chin

and, you know, we were just, it's good. It's a good fire up under the bum. And then after you march and you have the awards, the coaches go and have meetings with the judges. And they said,

oh, sorry, you did win. Oh gosh, poor other team. No, look, just give it to them. Don't tell them. But give it to the other team. Yeah, give it to them. They marched team. No, look. Just give it to them. Don't tell them. But give it to the other team. Yeah, give it to them. They marched beautifully. It was plausible.

With your other sheet included, how close was it? There was a gap. There was a gap. So they would have been surprised when they won. Yeah, they were stoked. Oh, that's nice. Just give it to them. Yeah.

Absolutely. Well, now I've said it on air. Hopefully none of them are up at six o'clock. Scandal, though. Yeah. Absolute scandal. Top six coming up on the show. And the police helicopter's out and about. Correct. No, the specific helicopter

that's up is the one spotting weed in different parts of New Zealand. The best part is Northland and Bay of Plenty are two champagne growing areas. Great vintage this year, I think they're on track. Yeah, right. It's just due to the wet and the humidity.

They're kind of like, nah, there's better things we could be doing. Because I think it's got to come out of their budgets. Right. It's notoriously expensive to keep a helicopter in the air. Yeah. So they're saying, nah, not really keen. So I've got the top six other things that would be better to spot from a helicopter.

All right. It's coming up in the top six. Coming up also on the show, the average amount of money that Kiwis spend on Black Friday sales. Don't look at me. Do you know your average amount? I could work it out. Okay. All right, it's coming up next on the show, though.

Don't do this at home. You know, we are living in DIY times. We are. Oh, I love a bit of DIY. This is one thing you should not be DIYing. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Now, I don't want to panic any parents out there,

but there's a dangerous trend that your children are definitely doing. You know that? Yeah. You know that red bar? Yeah. On the Herald? Dangerous new trend putting your children in risk. I'm surprised Jeremy and Hilary haven't talked about this on 7 Sharp.

Yeah, they probably will tonight. Give it a bit. Yeah. It'll happen. I think they take their lead from us. Yeah, right. On most big stories. They do, they do.

Hilary listens every morning and she'll be panicking because she's got children. Good morning, Hilary. Good morning. She'll be worried her boys are off at university doing this sort of shenanigan. Well, electricians are saying that the dangerous thing is that kids are finding vapes with vape juice in them, but no battery left in the vape. Now, I think these are kind of not like... They're disposable, aren't they?

Single-use disposable vapes. We suck as humans. I know. Disposable vapes. I know. This is the modern day equivalent of picking up a ciggy butt. Ciggy butts, yeah. With a little bit of ciggy left on it.

I remember reading about the vape waste. Yeah. Like then in these disposable ones. I think they're the little cheap dogs at the servo, aren't they? They're small and you pop them in the gob. We do have a resident vaper, Producer Jared. Let's go to the production booth. Sa, dude.

Sa, bruh. Now, you've got some big robot-looking dongle dick that you use. What are you... The robo-dong. He goes outside and puts the robo-dong in his mouth and you see the big plume of smoke. Yep. That's not a disposable one, is it?

That's a... No, that's a lifetime commitment. Booty boy. Right. What does a booty boy cost compared to a disposable? So a booty boy can be about $100. Okay. Sometimes plus, sometimes minus.

And then you buy the juice stuff and top it up like that way? Yep. So depending on the juice could be $30 to $50, $60. Now surely that's the most environmental one rather than like

you can buy the permanent sticks as well but then you've got to buy the pods for them and they're wrapped in plastic. Yeah. So have you got the camping generator on? I was just wondering

what that was. I don't know. There's a strong hum in the producer's voice. Strong hum there. So you charge your big robot dong with a USB charger. Yep. It is a USB-C, I believe.

I don't think that was relevant to the story. It's a pretty sexy charge. We would imagine it was some kind of USB charge. Yeah, that's right. But these disposable ones that Vaughn's talking about, once they're used and the energy's gone, the power's gone, you can't recharge those. Yeah, as far as I know, there's no, like, charger port.

No. These are the disposable ones. These youths are finding these empty, flat vapes. No, no, not empty. Flat, but with a little bit of juice left in them. Yeah. Vape juice. Vape juice.

Not energy juice. No, no, no. Not energy juice. Could you shot the juice and then just get a nicotine hit that way? Jesus. No. I think you really recommend not to do that. I was just wondering if there was a quicker way about it.

Get rid of these devices altogether, you know? Right, okay. Thank you. I'm just going to turn down the producers. about it. Get rid of these devices altogether, you know? Right, okay. Thank you. I'm just going to turn down the producers. Yeah, put your vibrator away, mate. It's buzzing in there. Somebody's humming in there. It was like someone was using an electric shaver

but didn't turn it off. Yeah. Saving a shave at work. So these are being found with little bits of vape juice left in them but no battery, and someone online's like this is how you charge them to get that sweet sweet vape juice from that thing you just found on the ground that might have dog piss on it and so they're cracking them open and then getting a like a

anything usb charger wise and cutting it and then exposing the wires and touching them onto the battery to give it a little bit of a juice. Now, this is dumb because master electricians are saying those batteries are lithium batteries and they're very volatile and if you overpower it, they will burst into flames and lithium famously hard to put out once it's on fire. Yeah. They're out. Yeah.

That's why they're banned on planes and your luggage, isn't it? Lithium batteries. Yeah, yeah, because they start big fires. They go up. Yeah. That's why they're banned on planes and your luggage, isn't it? Lithium batteries. Yeah, yeah. Because they start big fires. They go up. Yeah. They don't stop. They just keep burning.

So. Don't. Don't. Also, it's gross. PSA, don't. Also, it's gross. Like, somebody else's mouth has been on that. And then it's been on the ground.

Where famously dirty things end up. Yeah, yuck. You guys seen the ground? Yeah. You need to know how dirty the ground is. Look for a clean ground like in a supermarket and then take your shoes off and walk around on it for 20 minutes and then check your feet again. Oh, black feet.

Yeah, dirty feet. And then that thing you're charging up that's going to burn your house down that you then want to put in your mouth, all things going right, you get to put it in your mouth, is gross. Yeah. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Like Friday, the Friday just gone. Sales galore. Yeah. That look on your face, did we spend a bit of money? Well, because I got some house things. So I didn't just get like willy-nilly stuff I don't need. Like we don't have a couch, so I bought a couch.

We needed a microwave, I bought a microwave. I saw both these things at the dump shop last week. Yeah, you did send me some pics. Yeah. I must stop with the dump on Friday on the way home. Treat yourself. Send me some pics of some stuff I might like. There was this old like organ thing that looked like it was from like the 50s.

I was like, Sproul will love this. I almost just bundled it up in the car and dropped it off at your house, no questions. I do want one of those, but if you had brought that over to our house, Aaron would be so mad. Yeah, I think he's doing this because I think Sade's banned him from bringing stuff home to him. Yeah, yeah, so he's just going to get stuff for me now. Yeah, I'm not where he's supposed to. I don't want it. Well, Black Friday, the average cart price for a single transaction for the average New Zealander was $143.23,

which in these times that we're in now, we've just been told we've got to stop spending, is Mark? Yeah. Because of inflation. I did what Adrian or Reserve Bank governor. Dog. Big dog. Big dog gov.

The big dog asked. I don't think I, I didn't, I filled up the trolley on a couple of sites and they were just like, you know what? Nah. One of them was just like free delivery. I'm like, that's not a special. Yeah. God.

Yeah. Well, it's up in 2022. The average shopping up last Black Friday was $139, and the one before that, $125. But probably because of inflation, right? Those, like, things last year that would have cost $125 probably actually cost $143 now. Yeah, you're still buying the same stuff.

Still buying the same amount. It's more expensive. It's just costing us more. Is that on par with what you spend? I reckon Chuck, a zero, another zero in there. the same amount it's just costing us more. Is that on par with what you spend? You might, I reckon Chuck is zero, another zero in there.

Well you're doing renovations aren't you? No, exactly. I mean I think any other time I would usually buy like an item of clothing from a brand I like

or something with 30% off. Yeah. But I have, I did have to get a few things like kitchen things and living things.

look I made the most of it because I'd have to buy these things anyway. That, I've heard So, look, I made the most of it because I'd have to buy these things anyway. Yeah. I've heard that before. I've heard that before. I felt the sales were... That's a bullshit.

It's basically free. I'm basically getting it for free. Yeah, I thought the sales weren't as good. Yeah, because even... I want like 40, 50%. Yeah, yeah. I don't F around with anything under 50. 30, yeah, you're like, make it 40.

Yeah, why not make it 40? And then before 40, just make it hard. Yeah. Do you want me to buy this or not? You're still making money. Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me. But everybody's hurting. Yeah.

Even companies, you know, like, yeah. Hell yeah. So that's probably why. Should we play Everybody Hurts? Financially. R-E-M. Everybody Hurts. Financially.

And we'll just add financially. Every time. Financially. And we just add financially. Every time. Hayley's version. Look out for it. Play it. CDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little Paul. Silly little Paul. Silly little Paul. Silly little Paul. Tres silly little Paul.

Do you think you are a better cook than your parents? No. No. You don't? Patsy is an amazing cook. Okay. She's so, like, chef quality. I said to her she should do MasterChef.

She's so good. Really? Yeah. She was always, like, a fine. I said to her she should do MasterChef. She's so good. Really? Yeah. She was always, like, a fine cook when we were growing up. But I think as she, like, started going to Italy and stuff and really getting into food. Oh, yeah. She's so good.

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Yeah, now, my bless, there was always food on the table. Yep. And there was always food in the fridge. We never went hungry. Very privileged to say. Yeah. always food on the table. Yep. And there was always food in the fridge. We never went hungry. Very privileged to say. Yeah. Always food in the house.

But nah. She a boiler. Boiler. A big boiler. Parents in the 80s and into the 90s were big boilers. They just boiled. We used to ask if we're having carrots. Yeah.

Every time it was. Cooked carrot. Peeled. Yeah. Always peeled. And then chopped into rings. We used to ask if we're having carrots, every time it was peeled, always peeled, and then chopped into rings, and then those rings were chopped in half, and then they were boiled. Now, we used to ask, can we eat our portion of carrots that we'd be having before you boil them? Oh, okay. Full nutrition. Because then that's like crunchy carrot.

Because when you got them, sometimes they were so boiled that you'd stick a fork in them and they'd break in half. Yes. But that's just how it was done, wasn't it? And your broccoli was like forest green, not bright green. Yeah. It was like, and it was soft and it was always covered in cheese sauce, which no complaints here. Yum. No complaints here about the cheese sauce.

That sounds perfect. You get a bit older and you know that broccoli can do other stuff. You know, like it can be steamed and then maybe just like chucked on the barbecue to give it a bit of a char. Yum. Get a bit of garlic on it and you don't need the cheese sauce. Every now and then though, I do love a bit of boiled broccoli with cheese sauce. Maybe some carrots in there. And like a corned silver side.

Yum. Corned silver side was a classic. That's a classic and like a corn silver side. Yum. Corn silver side was a classic. You know, that's the classic 90s meal for me. Yeah. Maybe some peas. But see, we had corn silver side every I'm going to say once a week. We had a crock pot roast piece of beef but it was always like

salty as hell, chewy as, but again, never went hungry. So I can't complain. But yeah, my parents never tried but it was always like salty as hell, chewy as. But again, never went hungry. So I can't complain. But yeah, my parents never tried different things with different bits of meat. It was always just cooked the same way. Do you think you're a better cook than your parents? 51% of people said yeah, for sure.

49% said no. This is as close as it gets. Wow. Alexandra says half and half. I'm a better cook than my mum, but not better than it gets. Wow. Alexandra says, half and half. I'm a better cook than my mum, but not better than my dad. Okay. Dad coming in there with him. Oh, I'm only talking about my mum.

Yeah. If it was up to Craig, what would Craig? Because my dad was equally as capable as my mother. My dad wasn't, but he can barbecue. Right. You know, like he can shove a can up a Chuck's tush and sit it up and put it in the barbie. Yeah, yeah. He's good at the barbecue. Right. You know, like he can shove a can up a Chuck's tush and... Yeah. Chuck it on, sit it up and put it in the barbie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's good at the barbecue. But no, other than that, you know,

you wouldn't get him to cook you a beautiful pasta or something. Right. Laura says, in lockdown, we did a Family Master Chef and I won. My dad is a trained chef too, so I've never let him live it down. Oh, God. And he was full of excuses when I beat him. Courtney says, bless my mother, but the spiciest

her food has ever got is a touch of black pepper. Same. Same. Sammy, I'm way too basic. Penne pasta, cheese, and I'm sorted. Mum and dad could go through a six-course meal together for the whole family while blindfolded. I've also never seen someone throw an apple crumble together so effortlessly and quickly. I'm sorted. Mum and dad could go through a six-course meal together for the whole family while blindfolded. Wow.

I've also never seen someone throw an apple crumble together so effortlessly and quickly. My mum's the same. Everybody's mum has a dessert they can pull out at the drop of a hat. Yeah. My mum's is like the self-sourcing pudding thing. Oh, my God.

She'll just be like, maybe I'll do the self-sourcing pudding. And then you hear the microwave go, beep, beep, beep, and it's done. My mum was crumble, but it was like, have you got a tin of peaches? Oh, yeah. Are we talking mum's baking? Because mum's baking is always fantastic.

Mums are great at baking. Yep, same. My mum can outbake me. My mum's not a baker. Because she doesn't like having sweets in the house. Oh, right. Because she can't say no to them. She's not a baker, she's a boiler.

It's a family trait. Yeah, she's definitely a boiler. James says, my parents are British, so it's not hard. I made my mum scrambled eggs the other day and she couldn't believe

how good they tasted and all I added was salt and pepper while cooking. My mum... I love milk. My mum loves, every time she stays at our house,

she's like, will we be having scrambled eggs? Oh, yeah, because they love a bit of milk. Like a cup of milk and a scramble. No, no, no. I can see why they wanted to make the eggs go further. Oh yeah.

Absolutely, always food on the table. Yeah, exactly. Caitlin said, my mum taught me to cook so she wouldn't have to. Had her own live-in chef for 10 years plus because of that. And now I can out-cook her. I don't know if they're better at cooking or it's just me not having to cook that makes it taste so good, says Eva.

Taylor, mother dearest, won restaurant of the year three times in New Zealand, so no, I am not as good as her. Emma, my dad used to make something called vegetable disappointment and it always lived up to its name. Vegetable disappointment. With sausages. Dad loves sausages. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. Big weekend for Carween. Social media desk and executive producer seat. Saddle. She went to the cricket. She's straddling both at the moment. Yeah, straddling both. You went to the cricket on Friday?

Sure did. We loved that. Did I to the cricket on Friday? Sure did. We loved that. Did I see on your social media that you were like how many hours in? It was like six hours in. We were there from probably like 2.30 until 10. And you left before they won. Yeah, because I was getting tired. It was a one-dayer.

It was so long. Yeah, and it felt it. That's cricket's deal. Yeah. Right. Did you enjoy yourself? You know, I got a bucket full of donuts. I'm happy.

Yeah, but so that would have taken 10 minutes to eat. What did you do for the rest of the six hours? You made the boyfriend happy by going along to the cricket. Well, it was our friend group's birthday, one of the people's birthday. So it wasn't even him. He got dragged along. But he was working late, so he was only there for like four hours. I was there for the whole thing.

That's so long, isn't it? That's really a long time. And then did you drag the boyfriend along to Build-A-Bear? I did. You did. And so where did you go? Where's Build-A-Bear? It's at Sylvia Park. Oh God. That was the first mistake.

Shana said to me two weeks ago, I'm just going to pop to Sylvia Park. That's not a pop, by the way. No, it's not from where I live. It's a journey. And I immediately was like, why? Not why, like, I don't want to go now. What are you buying?

It was just like, why would you go there? On the weekend. It's craziness. So you're at Sylvia Park with 12 million other people fanatically trying to spend money at a Black Friday sale. Yeah, and then waited in line with those 12 million people for like 40 minutes. For those that don't know, this is like,

it's been a big thing around the world for years, hasn't it? Build-A-Bear. Yeah, and I always wanted to go when I was overseas as a kid. Wasn't allowed to. So when I saw that it was opening here,

I was in there. Yeah, I know. Wanted to go overseas? Yeah. Got to go overseas. Yeah, remember we talked about it on Friday? Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's right. Saw someone die at a resort so got a holiday compensation. Yeah, someone died. So you weren't allowed to go overseas. Yeah, so when I saw that it was opening, I was like, that'll be fun. And then my partner was just like, let's just go. Were you the oldest person there?

Surprisingly, no. There was a lot of boyfriends buying for their girlfriends. What do you need with a beer? I don't know. It's actually a frog. I got a frog. You got a frog? Yeah. But what are you going to need with a beer? I don't know. It's actually a frog. I got a frog. You got a frog? Yeah.

But what are you going to do with the frog? I don't know. It's just sitting on the couch. No. How did it work? You're an adult. So you pick an empty carcass of a frog. Yeah, they call it a skin, which is just creepy.

I don't like that. I don't like that. You pick a skin. You can pick clothing. They should call it a pelt. Yeah. And then you go wait in this line to stuff it. And there's this big machine and it's full of fluff and it goes.

And you press the foot pedal. But how do you get the head on? The head's already on. The head is already stuffed. But do you have to sew up some kind of anus? Yeah. It's the spinal cord is where you sew it up, actually. At the back. So you do sew it up? Well, they do it for you, but yeah.

So wait, you go to Build-A-Bear, you don't even get to Build-A-Bear. You just pick a skin. You're part of the process. Oh no. Do they hide the seam or is your frog got an unsightly out-facing hem on the back? Nah, it's relatively hidden. Right. And then what do you get to

choose? Like big googly eyes or do you get to choose something like nah this the the skin's just the skin this is you pick the power you start with and you said you get to pick clothes yep you can pick clothes does the frog fit the the the bears clothes what are they they're all the same sort of universal body so the frog isn't a frog well it is it is. It's an anthropomorphic frog. What did you dress your frog in? It's got a little Patagonia type jacket. Oh my God. I know a frog.

In my mind, a frog automatically a waistcoat or a vest. Yeah, frog. That might be, I've been influenced by Mr. Frog from, Mr. Toad rather, from Wind in the Willows. A little Tartan. Yeah. A little Tartan number. Maybe a top hat?

Top, yes. Yes, yes, yes. And a little pocket watch. Yeah, and a pocket watch. And he's always looking at his pocket watch. Could you get top hats for the front? No, I didn't see any. Oh, lame.

No, I don't want to go. Yeah. This sounds lame. So what do you get? How long do you think the bear's going to sit on the couch before you throw it out? I think my boyfriend would be quite annoyed if I throw it out. So it'll just float around the house.

I have a question. How much did this cost? How much did this frog that you had to sell cost? Did he pay for it? Yeah. Okay, was it a gift? It's not your birthday today, is it? Surprise.

Jokes on you. We've already got something organized. Another Build-A-Be it uh it was all right they had a sale on because it's black friday but the clothing's all about like 25 25 no 25 for the clothes she said the clothes are at $25. I know. Oh, my Lord. How much did this cost? The skin was $35. Wait, so this is a $60 beer. Wow, no, because... $50-ish.

No, because then you have to pay for them to sew it up. No, no, no. And stuff it. Don't you know? No. So that's all it cost or was there more? No, that's all it cost. So it's like $50-ish.

But you could just get a nude one and not pay for the clothes. And not get it stuffed to save the pelt. The process was that you went in, you grabbed the skin that you wanted, but then they had a long line of people waiting to stuff, right? So you walked outside of the store and lined up in the mall, and Ryan and I just said,

what if we just left with the skin? Well, that's shoplifting, isn't it? But surely someone could. Skin and stuff it with newspaper at home. Saving money. This is what I like. Tough times are coming. Play.

ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the yummy ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Even though a couple of years ago it was said to be a very expensive way of finding marijuana crops and fairly ineffective at stopping marijuana being grown, in some regions of Aotearoa, the weed-spotting copper, chopper, is going to be in the skies again. Oh, okay. This summer, the growing season.

It all just, if I was up in a helicopter, I've been in a helicopter. You haven't been in a helicopter, Hayley. I've never been in a helicopter. But having been in a helicopter, it all just looks green from up there. Yeah, I suppose so. But that's why you've got to fly around so many,

you've got to fly grids and stuff looking for it. And it's expensive per hour to keep the helicopter in the air. Waste of money. Bay of Plenty said they're not doing it because they're concentrating on methamphetamine which I thought

was quite a their resources are going into stopping the methamphetamine issues. Yeah good. You can spot that because all the crystals reflect the sun

you know like gemstones. Yeah. But in the Bay of Plenty the beaches are also white sand. Oh yeah. Very hard. Very hard to do.

That'd be a great place to hide your... Crystal meth. Meth ant, crystal meth. Yeah, a beach. On the beach. A little bit in amongst the sand. Yeah. Well, if they're going to be up in the helicopter,

I've got the top six better things to spot from a helicopter. Okay. Number six on the list, nerdy sunbathers. Low fly over the nerd beach? Why not? Just fly so low the towels are going everywhere and sand's getting blown up their bum hole.

It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. It's everywhere, doesn't it? Number five on the list of the top six better things to spot from a helicopter, your house from the sky. Ever seen your house from the sky? I like flying, when you fly over the city, you're like, I can see my house. And you're following roads, you're like, okay, that's that road, so if I follow that down to, you're like, I can see my house. This is my house. That's the house. And you're following roads.

You're like, okay, that's that road. So if I follow that down to that road and then up, there's my house. Yeah. It's fun, isn't it? And then you're like, oh, no, the roof needs replacing. Yeah. Great. My roof is a dunger of a roof.

Number four on the list of the top six better things to spot from a helicopter. Funny things. Weed sprayed into lawns. Oh, yeah. You know, like Someone might cheat on someone Some cheese bees Yeah And so yeah

They go around With some roundup And spray something In a lawn Or maybe in a public park Funny thing to see Number three on the list Of the top six

Better things to spot From a helicopter Houses with pools Oh yeah You ever been like That house has got a pool It's got a blue circle On you know

At the back Or are they trying To hide their pool Yeah Have they got a pool cover on Yeah so when, the back. Or are they trying to hide their pool? Yeah. Have they got a pool cover on? Yeah, so when you look out the window of the plane, you're like, so many people have pools. Yeah.

I was like, I don't need a pool. I didn't realise this was a thing. I don't need a pool. So I've got a pool. Wow. Must be nice. Must be nice. It is nice, actually.

Must be nice. It's very nice. It's very nice to have a pool in the heat of summer. It's nice. You'll change. Next, you won't even be cleaning your own car. Oh, God, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That It's very nice. It's very nice to have a ball in the heat of summer. It's nice. You'll change. Next, you won't even be cleaning your own car. Oh, God, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That thing's a mess. I'm not getting dirty doing that. Yuck. It's not a touch. He's got a touch with a common man. How much is a carton of milk? I don't drink milk. Well, you've got a carton of milk next to you.

Oh, no, this is... He doesn't drink it because he takes it. My windscreen wiper squirters are empty. I'm filling this up with a tap and filling up my windscreen wiper. There's still a little bit of milk in it. No, that's water from last time I did this. No, it's good for the windows. I just leave this in my car park at work,

and every time I run out of squirty juice, I grab it. Right. Bring it up and pour it in there. All right. Sure looks like you drink milk, that's all I'm saying. I know Dairydale, I always buy the three litres if I'm on the grocery shop. Right. Because it fits in the thing.

My kids drink a lot of milk. Right. Number two on the list of the top six better things to spot from a helicopter. Sharks. Yes. Well, a lot of the surf lifesavers use drones now, don't they? Yeah. On the beaches.

Well, I remember as a kid, fixed wing planes used to go up and down the beach of the mountain looking for the... Because you can see them from up there. Yeah, but then what are they going to do? Land and then drive to the beach.

Hello. Shark attack. Right. I play the Jaws music out of a big speaker on the outside of the helicopter. And number one on the list of the

top six better things to spot from a helicopter are empty beaches that you can land at and be all alone. Oh. They're usually private though. Privately owned. Yeah, but I'm from a helicopter empty beaches that you can land at and be all alone. Oh. They're usually private though. Privately owned. Yeah, but I'm in a helicopter.

I can get out of there if I hear a clapped out farmer's truck start screaming down the road. True. You're allowed, public beaches though, you're allowed to land on a beach. They don't own the beach. It's the access that's private. Yeah. Are you allowed to land on a beach in a helicopter? Queen's Chain and all the...

I don't know if you're allowed to do that. Oh, God, that'd be so obnoxious. Imagine being at the beach, having a lovely summer's holiday, and then Vaughan Smith from radio comes hovering above. I tell you, he's lost touch. Go home to your pool. Yeah, why are you at the beach, mate? You've got a pool.

Although you do have white feet. We need to talk about your white feet. We need to come back to this, I think. Because Jesus, those feet. The bloody weather's nothing. It's nothing but raining the entire time. I can't do any sort of tan on my feet. They're like translucent.

We've got a couple of bronzed up toes right here. Yeah, you guys are all toes out. Sexy brown toes. A couple of white little saucies on my feet. Couple of little pork sizzlers. That is today's Top 6. I'm imagining

this was a study commissioned by Big Couch. Big Sofa. Yeah, right. Big Lounge Suite. Big Save, maybe. It's British,

so maybe the British version of Big Save. Okay. But people were asked how long that had their sofas for. How long that had their previous sofas for. And it turns out that people have them for an average of eight years.

Okay, because I'm coming up seven and mine is screwed because of my cat. It truly is in tatters. I'll just come out and he'll just be eating a bit of the foam, eating the string, clawing it. I'm just like, okay. But I can't get a new one because then he's just going to wreck that.

No, you want one of these. A jandal or a thing and every time the cat starts scratching, you just launch it at them. No, you want one of these. A jandal or a thing and every time the cat starts scratching, you just launch it at them. Oh no! Vaughn! You only hit the cat one in ten times. Is this why your cat's dead? No, no, he lived to a ripe old age.

Are you talking about it now? I don't want to talk about it, but I will defend myself for this murderous accusation against cats. Most of the time you don't hit the cat. You've got to scare them out of these things. No, but I can't do that because once when I was a cat, I threw a slipper at my brother and missed and it went through the window. Broke a window. Oh, God. That's why I don't

throw it when the cat's on the bench. Yeah, right. Because I'll break something. That's when I just fly into the kitchen stomping real loud going, God out of it. But the average couch has a seven-year life. Yes. Okay.

Let me tell you some of the things that happens at eight years. Sorry. Let me tell you some of the things that happens. That couch will host 537 film screenings, 8,500 hours of television, 311 arguments, 401 naps. Oh, yeah. A nap on the couch. I've had some good naps on mine Yeah

Um 260 This was for men Said they Over the course of 8 years Likely to sleep on it 269 Nice

Uh times After a drunken night out When they get home too late And just fall asleep on it Oh Not the stat I thought You were gonna give us there Nope neither

Um 316 spilled drinks 65 scribbles Oh no no no Your children Should never scribble Oh no Yeah neither. 316 spilled drinks. 65 scribbles. Oh, no, no, no. Your children should never scribble on your couch. It says the guy who's let his couch be destroyed by his cat, but oh no, your child would never drive. I'm not going to let graffiti on my couch, but

a little scratch is fine. You'd probably cage train his child. Straight at night in your cage. Be quiet and you can come out in the morning Chooser Jared had the idea Of we should ask you What's the craziest thing your couch has seen

Oh no Couch is like our old flat couch We inherited it when we moved into the flat And we left it there when we moved out That was just That's what you did in those flats, yeah. That couch saw some parties and some drunkenness and some... Mm-hmm.

What's your couch seen? I don't have a couch. So... When I say... You just got rid of it, yeah. When I did say things your couch has seen, I bet automatically though you pictured a specific couch i've got a specific couch in a specific moment not for on

ear but i also had my brother had a couch and it was like a mid-century flip down couch that my mom got reupholstered and then when he left the country i got that for years and years folded down into a folded down into a little kind of like double bed, I guess. And we had so many people stay on that, drunkenly, spewing on it, all sorts. Couples staying on it and then say to us, I've already put

the sheets in the washing machine. You're like, oh, okay. Thanks. We know what that means. Yeah, when the staying table's really quick to have the folded up sheets in the laundry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, oh, no, just leave the bed. I'll deal with it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, it's all over.

Where's your washing machine? Yeah, you're having breakfast, and then you say, I might just go and get those sheets. They're like, we'll do it! We'll do it! We'll put it in. Whereabouts is your washing powder? Oh, no, sorry, I burnt them by mistake.

Yeah. We threw those away. Yeah, you just wake up and you hear the washing machine on. They've already put the sheets on. Oh, gosh. Yeah, just to avoid that. But, yeah, that couch saw a lot. Yeah, see, I don't know if we're going to get any stories that are any more...

Grotesque than Chinese and honeys. The two best things. All right, well, on the back of the fact that couches last about eight years, it's longer than a lot of pets. Yeah. So they've seen some things. They've been around. What's the craziest thing your couch has seen?

You can call anonymously if you want to. Yeah, probably better. If this is an old story, it might be better to just ring anonymously. Yeah, but if you've got a hand-me-down couch and it's gone through generations, it would have seen some things. Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. All right.

Oh, yeah. So the average couch, it turns out, lasts... We've just received a message that we'll never see the light of day. That we'll never... But to the person who texted about their sisters on the green couch, we thank you. You've tickled us. You've brought in Borden's day and he needed that.

He needed that. Two things, because I read it and I started laughing and then I said to Fletch, can I say this word on the radio? And he looked me straight in the eye and lost all expression in his face and he said, absolutely not. I did laugh though. So we want to know, with the average couch lasting eight years, and there were some other stats as well, numerous hours of television, movies, naps.

How many naps does the average couch see? It was over 400. God, I love napping on the couch. It's so good. It's almost better than the bed. Because the bed, it's sort of like I could just go to sleep, but on the couch you're like, what am I doing? Because it's impromptu and it just happens.

It's taking me. It's taking me. What am I? Where are we going? Where are we going? I'm off. I can feel a light breeze. Oh, my God.

Oh, I've got my pants on. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's delicious. Oh, it's delicious. It's delicious. Yeah, you're right, actually. So we want to know, in the lifetime of your couch, what has your couch seen? Our flat couch, this message.

Our flat couch was once owned by someone's grandmother, and then her granddaughter adopted it when she moved into our flat. Then it got passed between a whole lot of people but like always stayed in this group of friends and then me and my flatmates would only know we're buying it.

It was this lovely old lady couch and once we all moved out of that flat we got matching tattoos because it was like sisterhood of the travelling couch.

The flower pattern on the, they took a photo of the pattern on the couch because you know how old ladies love a flower. And then they got a photo of the pattern on the couch because you know how old ladies love a flower on the couch.

And then they got that tattoo. Oh, that's lovely. Of the couch fabric. That's nice. That's so cool. That is cool. One of our dogs gave birth on one of the couches. It was in a box, but it was an interesting experience watching TV

and then puppies beside me. I feel like lots of births would happen, all the beginning of birth, you know, like when you're at home going through the first stages, you're usually sitting on a towel on the couch, aren't you? Going, ugh. Somebody said we didn't find out until we were adults. We started, like, joking around. We were having a catch-up with my siblings,

and we found out we all lost our virginity on the same couch. Is that a rumpus room couch? You're not doing that in the lounge. It's not a conversation you have with siblings. Oh my God, we just had a message in.

First time not even asking a fletch for permission. First time doing butt stuff was on Nan's couch. Nan's couch! Nan's couch! Oh, I hope there was a towel down. Maybe they chose Nan's couch because, you know,

old people aren't afraid to have a plastic wrap, are they? Or they've got a towel out for the cats. You know, old people love to put something down for the cats. Yes. That's actually just great advice, full stop, butt stuff, to put something down for the cats. Yes. That's actually just great advice, full stop, butt stuff,

put a towel down. And what was Nan doing? Was Nan asleep? What are you doing at Nan's house? Nan either goes to bed at 7.30 or 2 o'clock in the morning.

You know how there's two types of Nans, the early bedders or the ones that just can't sleep and have pretty much given up on sleep so they stay up till 2 o'clock in the morning.

Either way, you're not waking up Nan, are you? They're out like a light. Oh, my God, yeah. Thank God. Thank goodness. She doesn't need to see that.

She turns off her Bay Audiology headset. Yep. And she can't hear a thing. Go to town. She's out. Just as well. Go to town, man's couch. Go to town.

I bought a couch from my cousin. It looked all right, but it was infested with fleas. The first time having a little nap on it, I woke up, I was absolutely mauled all over my bits. Oh no. On your bits? They got in the pant. Maybe they got inside the pant. Can you get a lotion for that?

Flea bite lotion. You'd have to have a bath. You'd have to, you know, bathe yourself in some sort of milk ointment. Put one of those things on the back of your neck, a little dop, dollop of flea powder, juice. I did,

we did that, what's that stuff called? Oh, your part of the hair. Yeah. It's not ivermectin, that's the stuff you give horses. What is the stuff you put like a pour on?

Like advanced. Yeah, yeah, one of them. What, you did what with it? No, I just put them on the cat yesterday.

Yeah. Because I never do that. Is that the end of your story? No, it's just. You defleated a cat yesterday. Cool story. Oh my God, that's awesome. But it the cat yesterday yeah because i never do that the end of your story no it's just you've deflated yesterday cool story oh my god that's awesome but it's one of those things i never do and then shadow was i was like how do i do this and she's like you part the hair and you do the squeeze and the cat started freaking out and i was like stop and i grabbed them and she's like you're grabbing them too hard i'm like nobody stopped them yeah yeah yeah yeah you have to

really let that catch you know bravicto that's the exact brand I was thinking of. Thank you, Texter. Someone walked in on their grandparents getting freaky on the couch. Oh, my God, I can't. That's awesome, though. Their grandparents are still getting freaky on the couch. That's great. They're in love. They're older people and they're getting freaky on the couch.

Their damn couch. Do what they want. If you could only see our text machine and the messages that are coming in that we can't read on air, it'll make you never want to sit on another couch again. Yeah, no, it won't. Alright. That stuff was the lightest of them all. It was. Play

ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is that Australia's coal exports create more carbon dioxide than the entire economy of Germany. Oh, wow.

What? So Australia's massive on coal. Like there's gold mines and stuff in Australia, but coal's your big ones. And that's why whenever there's like an agreement to, you know, back off and stop doing the fossil fuels, Australia's just like, hold on, mate. They're like, look at this koala over here.

It's all good. And then there's like floods that wipe out half of Queensland and then fires that destroy three-quarters of Melbourne. And they're like, I don't know about climate change, personal health, it's a bunch of bullshit. There's always been fires and stuff. Floods and that. And, yeah, it's because they're such a massive coal producer.

Right. For the burnings and everything. So, yeah, the coal because they're such a massive coal producer. Right. For the burnings and everything. So, yeah, the coal that they export creates more carbon dioxide than everything Germany does. Wow. Everything Germany does. Full stop. Full stop.

Audis. Wow. Yeah. Other German stuff. Audis and German stuff like Audis. Audis and pretzels. Yeah. Oh, man, the carbon emissions from pretzels.

Yeah. Yeah. Chowdhury and pretzels and beer. Oh, man, the carbon emissions from pretzels. Yeah, you can power a train off enough pretzels, can't you? So Australia's the second largest coal producer after Indonesia. Indonesia. I was recently in Indonesia. Bali. I went to Bali. Right, you should have said. You should have said.

Oh, do you guys want to see some photos? Did you see any coal when you were there? I didn't see coal. Where did they get the coal from? I didn't think that was a big coal place. The ground. Obviously. Well, okay.

Well, thank you for last time. I checked. That's where the coal is. Good. Okay, great. Coal. The smell of coal, whenever I smell coal burning, it just reminds me of my nana's house growing up because she had a coal range.

When do you smell coal burning? On a cold morning sometimes. You've got this real, you'll be like, someone's burning coal. It always reminds me of a dock hut because they always chuck coal up in the huts. Yeah, yeah, because good, good. Yeah. A lot of slow. Yeah, nothing like a mountain vista with the plume of coal.

Yeah. Cold morning. Is it a lovely fog over our native bush or are we chugging out coal smoke everywhere and everything? Yeah. Gorgeous. Yeah. And a coal spade is actually how I measure rats.

Right. Do you know what I mean by a coal spade? It was like a black spade. It was about that long and it had a curled, it was like made from one flat sheet of metal and the handle was rolled and then the scoop, so you could scoop coal. And that's how you measure rats.

You put a dead rat in it and you take a photo of it and you send it to your mates and you're like, that's a big one. And because everybody's got one of these cold spades, it's a universal way of knowing how big the rats are. You love sending all the rats to Carl Wayne. Yeah. Don't you, at these social media desks?

Got a beauty of a rat in the weekend as big as my boot. Fatty boy. He was a big fatty boy with a long, strong tail. Well, he was because he's dead now. I'm doing my part for the native birds. So today's fact of the day is the coal that Australia exports creates more carbon dioxide in the atmosphere every year than the entire economy of Germany.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Do-do-do-do-do. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. This is one of my mum's favourite sayings. I've just got to get Christmas out of the way. I've just got to get to Christmas. I've just got to get Christmas out of the way, and then I can. I just changed that the whole, then just got to get,

we've just got to get New Year's done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we've just got to get that. We've just got to get the kids back to school and then we can... Yeah, back to school and then February's birthday heavy for us. That's like, let's just get the birthdays.

Let's just get Easter. And then winter hits and you're like, let's just get... Get through winter. Let's get to spring. How great is spring going to be? Get to spring.

Yeah, and then you're back... Basically spring is I've just got to get to Christmas. Yeah. I've just got to get through this life and then I can bloody sleep. Yeah, if I could just... I've just got to get this life life and then I can bloody sleep. I've just got to get this life

out of the way. Mid-seventies? If I can just get to my mid-seventies. And then I can just have a good long nap. And I can sleep forever. I can sleep forever more. No, but it is. The lead up to Christmas, it's a mixture of excitement for the break because you're going like,

oh God, I've just got to get there and then I can have a break. But also the drive to that break, particularly Christmas, is so stressful. There's the gifts. There's like what's for Christmas lunch. There's the financial stress of Christmas. There's who's coming over, who's staying, where are we going, family dynamics.

And it's coming fast. We're 26 days away. 26 days away. The one psychologist calls it the last stretch in a marathon. Now, I haven't run a marathon. Has anyone here? I wouldn't have thought so. Run a marathon? Carwin? No?

Jared? Haven't heard anyone mention it. I've done a 10. Oh, oh, oh. I did a marathon. Oh, really? Yeah. You should have said. You should have mentioned.

Okay. Guys, I did a marathon. Imagine doing a marathon in Bali. That'd be hot. God, they'd never stop going on about it. But they do say, oh, my God, you'd never hear the end of it. And they're vegan. A vegan doing a marathon in Bali. Good Lord.

But the last stretch of a marathon, right, that they famously say, it's like you hit the wall and you're just like trudging through. Is that true? Or did you sprint finish? Fit as a fiddle? No, no, no, you definitely just want to have a cry. Yeah. Okay. So it's the last

few miles that are really, really tough. And that's what we're facing now. It's like, oh my god, Christmas is so close. So there are some tips to get you towards the end of Christmas. Tips, eh? I got tips. You got hints? I got a few

hot little hints for you, girl. You got any clues there, sweetheart? Listen up, honey. The first one is allow yourself to be a Grinch. Allow yourself to be a bit grumpy. Rather than being like, oh, I'm just going to get in a festive fricking spirit. Allow yourself to be like, I'm not looking forward to it right now.

I'm grumpy and I'm tired. Good news for you, you piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, you're a grumpy piece of shit. No, just fundamentally. No, I got a bit. Sade bought outside Christmas lights. I saw that. I was like, what's happening here? Because every year she's like, Sade bought outside Christmas lights. I saw that. I was like, what's happening here?

Because every year she's like, we should get outside Christmas lights. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is my yeah, yeah, yeah of nah, nah, nah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this year she just went and did it herself. Yeah, well, that's what we do. And hung with herself and everything. Yeah, well, you didn't have to do anything.

No, I know, but this is probably how we're going to do with all of her crazy suggestions from here on out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she just does it. So the tip is make space for all feelings so that you're not denying them

and then you can remind yourself what the value is that is motivating your choices and decisions. So you're going like, what is the value in this Christmas? What is the value?

What am I working towards here? Can I park this grumpiness for now? Make a list and check it twice. You've got a plan. You've got a problem solver ahead of time. Don't be that guy on the 24th of December at the mall. And everything's shutting up and you're like, I don't have anything.

I don't have any gifts. It's the worst. You've got to get ahead and maybe even it's not too late if it's like a financially stressful time, break down what you want to have for your Christmas lunch. Have a mental breakdown. I'll have a breakdown. Have a mentee bee and then break down the cost of your lunch

and then start putting money aside each day or each week. Yeah. Or talk to the family about doing Secret Santa so you're not having to buy. This was another one on the list. Yeah. Isn't that a great idea? Wow. Are you not doing...

Why don't we talk to Vaughan's brother about that? He sounds like he's into that. My family's doing Secret Santa. What a great idea. Yeah. I mean, how many gifts do children need? Surely we should be teaching them more about quality over quantity. Yeah, yeah, and the true meaning of Christmas.

Yeah, the true meaning of Christmas. It's about Jesus. Yes. Family and eating. It's a real problem when you've got a family of breeders and you've got to buy all these Christmas presents. Yeah. Family of breeders. Why didn't you suggest...

There's like 10 kids. Why didn't you suggest doing a secret Santa? You know what I have for the last few years. Right. Huh. Wild. Ignored again. Well, looks like this middle child's going to have to act up. Wow. To get everybody's attention. He gon' act up. He's 40, but it looks like this middle child's going to have to act up. Wow. To get everybody's attention.

He gonna act up. He's 40, but he's still a middle child. Who's ready for Uncle Vaughn to ruin Christmas? AKA, drink too much. This is on the next tip, which is to de-stress. Use the time before Christmas to de-stress. Move your body. Get some sleep.

Make time for an enjoyment each day, even just five minutes. Okay. Because it is fundamentally leading into a stressful time. Yeah. So now, take time to de-stress. Also, don't hang on unhelpful coping strategies, i.e. Drinking. Drinking too much is going to make your body exhausted.

I'll be the judge of that. One thing, I thought this was the best. Old family dynamics can come up during the holidays. We've just seen some come out on national radio. Haven't we? For example. Yeah. And rather than letting that wind you up

into a tight little ball and so it explodes on Christmas Day, you need to come to terms with it and manage your expectations of the day and go, look, this is going to annoy me on that day. So you're more prepared for it. Why am I so great? Everybody else is falling short of how great I am.

Your family is sitting there going like, Jesus, we've got to hang out with Vaughn on Christmas. I am everybody's highlight. Wow. Classic middle child. But he's getting it off his chest now. Is that a good idea? Vent.

You've got to vent now. You are. I guess you're setting up your expectations of how that dynamic's going to play out. Yeah. So you don't get there on the day and be like, what? My brother has always considered himself sort of the third parent of the family. I see. And just doesn't give a shit what anybody else thinks.

Oh, wow. Okay. You've wow. Okay. You've got a whiskey. I've just said to put it down. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Every year, don't they release the list of degraded food places around New Zealand? Oh, yeah. Different councils do, yeah.

Yeah, where you get your health inspector in and you look at the cleanliness of a place and then they give it a rating. Yeah. I've eaten at heaps of D places. Yeah. D-licious. D-licious. Is what it stands for. What was that? Who was that? Was it a TikTok that was going around a few

months ago, the best way to choose what a Chinese restaurant? And what was the criteria? It wasn't if it had an A. It was like, you go for the C's. Wow. Because the food's better. Hell yeah, because the pans are like years of... The pans have got flavour in them, you know?

You never wash those pans, those cast iron pans. It was 3.5 star reviews. That's what it was. You go to a restaurant with was 3.5 star reviews. That's what it was. Oh. You go to a restaurant with a 3.5. Huh. Okay.

It's not going to be posh. Because it's not posh. So the price isn't going to be out of the world. I had Chinese takeaway for dinner last night. I got a chicken chow mein and a sweet and sour pork. The sweet and sour pork was like the best sweet and sour pork I've had. Which Chinese place had always the dignity? It's the one to the right of the beer spot. It's called, I'll send it to you later.

Yeah, please do. But what was the rating? Do you remember the rating? I didn't look, but it's not highly rated. Okay, well, there you go. I mean, I've got a lot of sodium puff on my body today, but good Lord, it was yum. Anyway, a food inspector has,

or a health inspector, they call themselves, has shared on TikTok her red flags when you go to a restaurant. Okay. That may say like, it's a bit, set some, you know, warning bells off. Right. She says she would refuse to dine at buffets.

Oh no. Due to the spread at buffets. Oh, no. Due to the spread of germs and unsanitary conditions. She says the temperature of them is often a breeding ground for germs and bacteria, particularly where customers are also handling the food at self-serve stations. I remember a friend worked at a buffet and they, this particular buffet, they would bring out some food from the night before. What do you do, chuck it out? She said if you come later in the night, you get fresher food because it's cooked that day.

Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. But I mean, they're not leaving everything overnight. No. There'd be just some stuff that they would keep. And what, you don't eat leftovers? I eat leftovers. Not at a buffet, though.

Oh, no. Secondly, she said restaurants with a dirty bathroom is usually indicative of a dirty kitchen. Okay. Dude, how gross sometimes when you go to a bathroom in a place

and you're like, whereabouts is it? And they're like, it's just beside the cupboard there. You walk past like a bucket and a mop and you go through the kitchen and you're like,

and then you have to like go past them like disposable cups. Yeah, any BYO basically. And then you get to the toilet and it's like. And you try not to touch anything. It's dripping.

So you roll down your sleeve. It's dripping. And the sink's got water stains. I love it. But the food is always so good at those places. The food is always amazing. Yeah, that's true. She said she would avoid restaurants with a significant number of options on the menu. As the more extensive the menu,

the more likely the establishment is to have frozen, like big frozen meals. You don't know how long they've been frozen for. Oh, okay. So, you know, if you had a menu with like 18 options, you're not going to have 18 options fresh and readily available. Okay. Large menu, yeah, large menu means lots of cheap food.

Last but not least, she said she will never return to a venue Where the staff seem unhappy to work there Unhappy employees Typically synonymous with bad management or owners And then if stuff falls on the floor They don't want to be yelled at So they just chuck it back on the ground Chuck it up

Yeah, they're just going like Bad owners They're not giving enough care to their business or the staff's unhappy and probably the standard of things will be a bit lower. So look out for those things.

Ignore the dirty bathroom thing because like some of my favorite places to eat have the worst bathroom, which is like, you go through the kitchen behind the chef, sorry, sorry, and then you feel gross, but the food is yum. which is like you go through the kitchen behind the chef. Sorry, sorry. And then you feel gross, but the food is yum.

Well, I was awoken on Saturday morning with my wife yelling, Vaughn, the cows are on the lawn. Well, you've done this to yourself. Why? You've got cows. Oh, yeah, I know. And a lawn. And a wife. Well, you've done this to yourself. Why? You've got cows. Oh, yeah, I know. And a lawn. And a wife.

Well, I tell you what. And that's all on you. That's all on me. All three of those were my choices. Yes. The cows have been amply fed with spring grass. They have not gone hungry. You can tell by the girth of the fat little shits. However, sometime Friday night,

Saturday morning, they decided to push through a fence into the section and help themselves to a hearty feast of citrus trees and grizzly hedges and parts of my lawn. Is this farming chat getting you worked up? I'm a little hot under the collar.

Yeah, I know. Same. They've done their big cow poos all over the place. Why didn't you lock the gate? How'd they get in? Sir, I just said, they busted through a fence. Why'd they bust? They pushed through a fence. An electric fence or a fence fence?

A fence fence, a chain link fence. Oh. Wow. I think the little one went under and then it was in and it was like, help, I'm in. And mum's like, I'll just clumsily push through here. And then the third one was like, well, I'm not being left behind. If you guys are going to go and eat all the delicious stuff. The haricots.

Yes. Right. They're my only cows. Yeah, I know. Suddenly I was like, I don't remember you having cows. Yeah. Yeah, the big ones with horns. Got its little mini highlands.

So yeah, I woke up and they'd made a right old mess. Huge mess. Well, they were in the dog box immediately. Well, they were in the goat pen, actually. That's where they got shut while I went to fix this. Right. I had a string of things go. Awfully wrong.

I was in a foul mood from the get-go. I bet. Very foul way to wake up. And so I set about fixing the fence. You could be in Ukraine. Could be. the get go very foul way to wake up and so I set about fixing the fence you could be in Ukraine could be

it's not all bad is it could be then the Russians probably would have dropped a bomb on my fence yeah

they would have that would have been worse thank you for putting it into perspective always here to put life into

perspective he's lost touch I've told you he has lost touch but you know when you're in a bad mood everything only

extrapolates your bad mood. Yeah. Everything that goes wrong, you're like... I think I punched a tree at one stage because I turned around and the branch hit me right in the shoulder and I was like, ah! And then you punched the tree and you're like, why did I punch a tree?

Is that because you remembered at that moment your brother doesn't want to do Secret Santa? I think that was in there as well. That was round up there. I think it's constantly boiling. That's a pot on the simmer. That's a pot on the simmer. That's a pot on the simmer. It's boiling dry and the potatoes are starting to catch fire.

That's there. But then I think the moment that really set the day off, and I think I went inside and poured myself a drink. Okay. I've got this lawn roller, right? Yeah. That's for the paddocks as well. It's like a roller that you see at like

the cricket when they roll sports grounds use them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Except this one's got like also got spikes in it because it aerates the soil as it rolls.

You need that. You need a bit of that. And you've got to give the worms a hold going. Exactly. You probably pierced through a few worms as well. Maybe.

They dodge. They're very nimble. You're a worm murderer. I'm a worm murderer. Now I needed to move that thing to get to the fence I needed to fix. So I was pulling it, and it was caught in long grass. And I was like, come on, you bastard.

And I was like, ah, ah. And then as I pulled, it broke free of the grass, and it rolled onto my foot. And I looked down, and I felt I was wearing steel cap boots. The spike, which is curved, went over the steel cap and snuck down straight through the boot just behind the steel cap.

And I felt this sharp bit of steel go between my second and third toe. And I was like, I think I've just lost a toe. Because you know when you're in pain like that your body kicks in. You don't feel it properly for a while. And I was like, I think I've just lost the time. Because you know when you're in pain like that, your body kicks in. Shock can be like, you don't feel it properly for a while. And I was like, and I could feel wet in my boot.

And I was like, is that from the hole that's just been pierced because I'm standing in mud and the water's gone in? Or is that blood? And I stood there for a minute. Don't want to look, don't want to look. I went to the ground Because the spike went through the sole of the boot as well How long are the spikes on the roller?

Like a velociraptor claw You know in Jurassic Park When it's like Like that size spikes And I was Oh no And then I'm like well if it has gone through my foot

And I can't feel it yet Do I roll it off? Yeah but then you know in the TV shows and the movies and all the ER dramas, if someone comes in with a fence impalement, they leave it in. Yeah. Because when you pull it out, then all the blood comes out. Yeah, it's a mess.

There's no way this thing's coming to the hospital with me. Oh, yeah. Is Sade not strong enough to carry you and the concrete roller? And the multiple hundred. Yeah, no, she's not. She's not. Not enough ambulance to be big enough. I need to go to a hospital on an ambulance ute.

Yes. But I just stood there for like a minute and I was like, surely the day can't get worse than this. And I was like, well, I'm going to see what happens. And I rolled it off. Yeah. I took my foot out of the boot and it had gone through the, around the steel cap, through the boot, through the socks,

between my toes. Your toes. It kind of like, excuse me, passed the part of my toes and went straight through the bottom of the boot. It could have taken a toe off. It could have gone straight through like the meaty part of the foot. What you know is just full of bones. Full of bones!

And lucky the wait time at the hospital is like nothing these days. Oh, well, the emergency department is sure under insane amounts of pressure. If you want to go, you've got to go on a weekend. Yeah. Sort of mid-afternoon? Mid-afternoon towards late night. Yeah, that's when you're going to go, mm-mm, mm! Wow, you were so lucky.

I was so lucky. So, yeah, that kind of put it into perspective as well. But that was when afterwards I just went inside. I was like, day done. Day, done, done, done, done, done, done. I needed to calm down. Done day, done, bad one, go back to bed. And I think I, because my pants were wet, I think I just took off.

I just sat in my undies and had a drink of whiskey. Did you piss yourself today? From all the shambolic. No. Yes. Lots of guests over the Christmas period. Lots of guests.

Lots of hosting. I'm being hosted. I'm yet to host a Christmas actually. Right. Have you hosted Christmas? No. Vaughan, you would have. I just go home for Christmas.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how long are you staying? He flies out on Christmas afternoon because the flights are cheaper on Christmas afternoon. Only that one time. No, I'm out on Boxing Day this time because the cheapest flight was like 8 o'clock. 8 o'clock in the morning on Boxing Day? Yeah, no, it was a good price.

Piece of work. What do you mean? Well, are you going to go and feed my cat if I stay down for an extra day or two? I can't. You can't, see? No one can. You're so precious about your cat. Put it in a cattery. No, he cannot go in a prison.

A cat prison. He can go in a prison for a week or so. He's never seen other cats or the outside. Oh my God, I know, and that's why he's very special to you. Whereas you go and you drop off your cat to a cattery like four times a week. Four times a week. Because she's never home.

I just can't be bothered with him tonight. Well, no, I've never hosted. I'm going down to my parents' house and I'm staying five nights, which is short. Usually would stay a couple of weeks. Me and Aaron used to spend like three weeks over at our parents' house

because they live in the Wairarapa and it's nice. That's too long. That's when like the shine's worn off. Yeah. And there's bickering. Even your parents would think that's an overstay, right? No, my parents, I'm an angel that walks among them. They love me.

No more than a week. They love me. No, because a week. They love me. No, because they get used to you not being around now, and then when you come back, you'd be too much after a few days. Yeah, probably, probably a little bit. Well, they did a survey in America, and they split it evenly by generations. So, you know, like your older generations, your young people,

who's visiting and who's hosting. And it found that hosting your friends and family during the holidays on average you lose about two and a half hours sleep a day leading up to it with the stress of I've got to clean the house, I've got to get fresh sheets. Well mum's got to get the fresh sheets on, yeah.

And they found that holiday guests officially overstayed their welcome after four days. Four days? That seems good. That seems days. Four days, we're all good. Yeah, that seems good. That seems right. Four days is a long time too. You've got to get out of there.

I officially want you to leave. I'd say two is plenty. Yeah, we've had lots of, I don't know. You usually have like one-nighters or two-nighters maybe. Or you have people that need somewhere to to stay for like a good few weeks. No. When we lived in Wellington, we had tons of like, because all of our friends are actors.

And so they're always like in between flats or like, oh, I'm coming into Wellington for a job. And so we'd always be like, yeah, you can stay with us. We've got a spare room. And then stay for like three or four weeks. Sorry, you need better friends. After three or four weeks, had you had enough of them? Uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But they're your mates. So, you need better friends. After three or four weeks, had you had enough of them? Uh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, but they're your mates, so you're sort of like... It's fine. Hey. Nah. It's just like going back to flatting temporarily.

Yeah, yuck. No. Yeah. Well, I want to know when did someone overstay their welcome? Doesn't have to be at Christmas, but when...

Anyone in the flat? You know, when someone's like, hey, I've been in London for like a year and I'm coming back and I just needed somewhere to stay while I look for a flat and then like next minute. They're six months later,

they're still there. Six months later, they're still on the couch. Or what about your flatmate's boyfriend who's still there a year later? We did this. I live in a flat of five and slowly but surely all the boys just like

stopped going home to their own flat and I was like, I am paying for this. What about in the 1800s where boatloads of my people arrived and then were just like, we'll stay here now. And then like forget that that's exactly how we all got here and now when people want to move to New Zealand, they're like, no. Yeah, I don't. How about that? I don't think we need to take a call from all Parkia listeners. Funny little colonial attitude, isn't it?

But 0800 DALS at Ebb, we want to take your calls now. You can text 9696. When did someone overstay their welcome? Because I don't think anybody's going to call up and say, I was the person that overstayed my welcome. Because those people never know, right? They don't know. They're not aware.

Or they would be gone. Yeah. How are people not aware? How do people not pick up on social cues? Some people just don't. Blows my mind. But I don't give them out either. If someone's staying with me, I'm like, all's fine.

I don't start sort of slamming their door and whatnot. My social cues are so easy to read, I like to put a braille option out as well. Yeah, yours are. Anytime we're at your house, I'm like, oh, Vaughn's in the kitchen, we're tidying up. Good. Time to go. Or he keeps doing the dad thing of saying,

well, well, well, can we get these kids to bed? 0800-DARLESAT-M is the number. You can text 9696. When did someone overstay their welcome? We want to know when someone outstayed their welcome.

Or heaven forbid, you have been made aware that you have outstayed your welcome. Yeah. So a study has said for Christmas, New Year, if you're staying with family or you're visiting, four nights max. That's the sweet spot, after which it's like eh. Do you know though, we as Kiwis have a real this is a big thing

for us, is staying and crashing in a mate's place. Overseas, like places like America, you don't just go and crash with your friends for a week. They don't like it. Don't you? No. Oh, it is very Kiwi then. It's very Kiwi, I feel. Yeah, I've done it lots. I was just telling you,

the American, that you, me, and Dupree, he went and stayed with the married couple, right? Yeah. And that was like a real fish-out-of-water story, so maybe, yeah, why is it a nomadic lifestyle? Maybe, yeah. Is it a British thing? Everyone's always got a couch for you.

Yeah, couch surfing. You'd never be without a couch in New Zealand. No. We're hearing from lots of people who have overstayed, overstayed themselves. They can recognise that they overstayed, and yet they did it. But it's free rent, isn't it? Yeah, it is free rent.

It's insane. It's quite a conundrum. Paris, who overstayed their welcome? Sheldon, my partner's family. Okay. How many of them? So there were three adults and an 18-month-old baby. Oh, and they were staying in your spare room?

No, so we have a three-bedroom house, so they took up the other two bedrooms. So now they're the majority. Yeah, it's their house now. It's their house. They can outvote you at House Council. now they're the majority. Yeah, it's their house now. It's their house. They can outvote you at House Council. They've got the majority in Parliament. Can we ask what the circumstances were?

Why did they need to come and stay with you? They were moving down from Auckland. Right. And the plan was, so it was a couple and their little baby. They were moving down. And then the mother of one of the partners was moving over from Aussie. So they were planning to stay for

hopefully a few weeks, maybe three, four weeks max. And ten months later they were still at home. No! Paris! How did you kick them out? My partner and I were planning on doing renovations so that was mainly the driving force.

Just start ripping the gym off their bedroom walls. Is this fresh? Has this just happened? Yes, yes, very fresh. They've been out for about two months now. We've had our house back to our house. And have you actually done any renos? No.

And wow, okay. Ballsy with a baby as well. Oh, yeah. Like you're bringing in a crying baby and staying, overstaying for 10 months. No, no, no. Paris, you are a saint. You're a saint, Paris. Yeah, you really are.

You are Saint Paris. Thank you. Saint Paris. Thanks, you call Paris. Melissa, whoever said they're welcome? My daughter, my son-in-law, and I would say my grandson, but not my grandson because he's my grandson. Okay, right.

So your grandson didn't overstay. He was welcome to stay, but your daughter and her partner overstayed. Yes. How long did they sort of hint at the fact they were going to be there versus how long did they remain there? So they're still currently here. Oh, no, no. All right, let's deal with it.

Let's deal with it. Get them on the phone. Let's deal with it. Get out of here. How long? So far it's only been, this will be going into the third week. Okay. But the kicker is they actually live across the road from me.

Why are they in their own house? Yeah. I have no idea. They have made no moves to pack up their stuff and leave. Right. Yeah, they literally live across the road in three houses down. Okay, sounds like you need to change the locks. So the back story is we went away a couple of weekends ago as a family,

and they came with us. We got home late at night, and she said, oh, yeah, look, we'll stay the night, and then we'll go home tomorrow. Tomorrow has now turned into three weeks. No, there's more to this, Melissa. We're missing something. Have they sold the house?

Has the house got an asbestos problem? Are they just using it to make meth? What's going on in that house? They go home regularly to get more clothing. No, no, no. What is going on in that house? They go home regularly to get more clothing. No. No. What is going on? Are you encouraging this by doing cooking or something?

So I cook anyway. Right, yes. Yeah. Yeah. You're a sucker, Melissa. I know. I've literally got into the stage now where I'm kind of like, go home. Yes.

What about could you go across the road I've literally got into the stage now where I'm kind of like go home yes what about take some peppy shit and go home could you go across the road and you stay in their house and then lure them back

to their house with cooking with cooking yeah say I'm going to cook at your house tonight yeah and then when dinner's finished

say alright have a good night and then leave and then you go back to your house and never cook again I could do that yeah but then my husband say, all right, have a good night, and then leave. I'm leaving, yes. And then you go back to your house and never cook again. I could do that. Yeah.

But then my husband and my other younger children would... Ah, right. Oh, my God, I just assumed it was you and them in the house. You've got a husband and other younger children. Yeah, so I've got another son and a daughter, and then my husband. We only live in a three-bedroom house. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Kick them out. Get out of here. Get out of here. If you're listening and your mum's name's Melissa and you live across the road, very few people are fitting this criteria. Piss off.

My only reprieve at the moment is the ability to leave in the morning and go to work. See, work should never be a reprieve. Yeah. That's my break. No. No, no, no.

No. Your home is your haven. Melissa, update us. Let us know how you get on. Yeah, when they leave, give us another buzz. I'm invested in the story now. Yeah, me too. Best of luck to you.

But also, when they leave, have you got room for me and my kids to come stay? This cooking sounds pretty good. It does sound pretty good. It does. We all don't stay at my house, guys. Nothing that you'd be perfect. Yeah, yeah, okay. All right, Melissa, thanks.

You called some messages in. People overstaying their welcome. My sister-in-law, to be, stayed for our wedding, got really drunk a few days beforehand and drank my wedding wine. So, wedding wine. What's wedding wine? It's a special bottle of wine that you save for your wedding day.

Just go back to Super Liquor and get another one. No, it would be like a $100 bottle of wine. It would be a nice bottle of wine if you're saving it up. And then, of course, she immediately became, she'd overstayed her welcome. I just want to say, I'm not getting paid by Super Liquor. I'll go to any liquor store. But I would like to be paid by any liquor store.

We're sponsored. That would be your dream, is to be a liquor ambassador. I'm Bottle-O. I'm open to Bottle-O. I'm sort of an everyday guy. I'm just your average bloke. Is it like Tasty Dog or something? What's the orange one?

You know, with like a dog on it? Like a pit bull? I don't know that one. Okay. There's cheap liquor. It's about like the bird cheap. Thirsty liquor. Thirsty liquor. Yeah, right.

Oh, right, yeah. So that's you. We're open to sponsorship opportunities. Yeah, yeah, that's you. Somebody said, my brother was born in 2004 and he's overstayed his welcome. Wow.

Someone's not the baby of the family anymore. That's such a middle child thing to say I bet they're a middle child When I birthed my first child My mother-in-law stayed for seven days And overstayed her welcome by seven days Yeah, no, you've got to give the new parents space Yeah

Visit? Yes Drop a lasagna? Yes Say I'll pop over and do some washing? Yes Don't stay They need that space.

Yeah, lots of people. Mate came for the weekend, car ran out of gas, broke a fuel something, fixed the fuel something, somehow thought he had gas, ran it out again, towed, no car, no job. He overstayed for five months. No, no, no, no, no. That is a big no, no, no, no, no. You've got to be self-aware. Don't do that.

My sister asked if she could stay with us for six months while her house was being built. Two years later, she is still here. Is that because that's the industry at the moment? COVID and maybe there's delays and stuff? Yeah. No. No, no, no, no, no.

Let's knock that four days down to two. Two days. I think we can agree. All right. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley's Monday Maestros. Well, we were given the homework over the weekend on Monday today,

right now, to deliver a presentation on a hero. A school report style. Yes. And I've chosen today to do mine in acrostic poem. Wow. About a New Zealand hero. I've taken mine quite seriously and just have done mine on my real hero.

And Vaughn, where are you at? Well, I wanted to do Satan, but Flesh said I'm not allowed. I thought I'd take a sort of a ironic view upon this, what a so-called hero is defined by. I just thought it's, we don't need some place. We don't need early morning blasphemy is all I'm saying. Oh, this show has been riddled with blasphemy.

Yeah. This show is built on blasphemy. I know. Jesus, aren't you listening? I'm going to do My Mum. Oh, that's cute. Oh, that's cute. Your hero.

Okay. Now, who's going first? Do you want to go first? Because you're quite buzzed on your... Acrostic poem. Acrostic poem. You have to say, hello, my name is... Hi, my name is Fletch, and today I will be talking to you about my hero, Richie McCaw.

Wow, legendary All Black captain. Thank you, legendary All Black captain. Also the best cheat the game's ever seen. Vaughn! Well, he hardly ever got caught. That's what constitutes a good cheat. That's really mean. He was sly.

He was a sly old dog. He was a was sly. He was a sly old dog. He was a sly fox. He was a sly fox. And that's why we love him. One of our greatest rugby players ever. You should know. He's a great cheat. Never got caught.

Richie McCall. Now, this is in CrossFit Palm, and I've written Richie McCall down the side, and then for each one, it starts with the letter. Right. We understand how CrossFit Palm is for you. Is it called CrossFit Palm because it goes across? Oh, yeah.

I don't know. That makes sense, though. R is for rugby. He played rugby. I is in the air. He loves flying. Gliders and welly-wopters. T is for tomatoes.

His favourite in a sandwich. There's no tea in Ritchie. It's R-I-C-H-I-E. R-I-T-C-H. No, R-I-C-H. Which is good because tomatoes was weak. You don't even know if he likes tomatoes. You got a free one.

No, I've done research. He's your hero. You can't even spell his bloody name. Is Ritchie McCoy like tomatoes? He strikes me as a guy that might pick them out of his burger. Are you sure Richie doesn't have a T in it? How do you spell Richard? Richie.

Richard. Richard. King Richard. The fifth, yeah. R-I-C-H-I-E. Okay, whatever. C, cauliflower ears. Because he played rugby.

H, helicopter pilot. You've mentioned that already. In the air. This is weak. He flies helicopters. Yeah, no, you told us that. I is for ice. He loves it in a summery drink.

How do you know this? Splenches wet his pants. Remember in a presentation where someone would all be like, he's got a stiffy. And you'd be like, I don't have a stiff All be like He's got a stiffy And you'd be like I don't have a stiffy I don't have a stiffy All this talk about Richard McCaw

E is for England He beat them at rugby Well not single handedly Okay now I'm on to McCaw Okay M is for muscles He knitted them in the scrum He did

You're right C is for captain He captained 110 out of 148 games. Wow. C, I've already done it. A, All Black. Wait, hang on. So you gave us a bonus. He was an All Black. But you've missed the second

C. What is MCCAW? I'm not doing two C's in a row. C is for Captain. You've already done a C up top. C is for Captain. Again. A is for All Black and W World Cup. He won them? Yep.

Both. Both. Two. That is my acrostic poem for my hero Richard McCaw. Wow. Hayley. I'll go next. Hello, my name is Hayley and this this is my hero, Colleen Poba, brackets, QSM. Oh. Are you a real person?

Yeah. Colleen was the most successful marching coach. I have to break it to you. Richie McCaw is also a real person. Yeah, but not someone that I know. Like, this is a personal. Don't interrupt me, please. Sorry.

I even wet my pants. Colleen was the most successful marching coach in the history of the sport. She coached the team I marched for, Lockheel, for over 50 years and was nearly unbeaten only three times. We don't talk about them. At 16, she became the youngest marching coach in the country. Then, while marching for Lockheel herself, she stepped into the role of coach and they won their first title that year, 1966.

From then on, history was made. As well as competing nationally, she showed her marches the world, taking them to various tattoos. She took me to Norway, Switzerland, Australia, Oman and Scotland three times. She was a hard woman on the trading field, demanding nothing but perfection from her girls, as she called us. But off the field, she had a heart of gold and often helped girls through hard times in their life, emotionally,

financially, and sometimes residentially. Over her 50 years as coach, she became an important part of hundreds of girls' lives, mine included. She liked Winfield Reds and had a cockatoo named Jake. She was awesome. Even the Queen thought so. After she passed away in 2019,

she and her husband left lots of money for Wellington Free Ambulance, which funded two new ambulances. Days before she passed, she herself ordered an ambulance to take her to our training one last time, so it seems only fair. These are just some of the reasons why coach Colleen Poba is my hero.

That was really good. I like the part about the Winfield Reds and the cockatoo. She loved a Winnie. A Winnie and a whiskey. Okay, that's your personal hero, Arvorn. Now your speech on your personal hero. Oh, we don't have time for mine. Are you going with Satan or your mum?

Also, amazing that Satan and your mum are in the same category here. Who am I going to go with? His heroes. Now, my name is Vonson and my hero is my mum. My mum's name is Christine. You love your mum. I do love my mum. And I'm not afraid to admit I love my mum.

My mum's name is Christine. And she's my mum. And she makes food and packs my lunch every day. You're getting a detention for this. He hasn't done his homework. He's improvising. He's not even looking at the bloody piece of paper. What's your mum's name?

Patsy. What's your mum's name? It's not a beaver, but it's not a... Our mums all have different names. That's a thing you can expect from mums. Names. Different names. My mum gave me my name, kind of.

Carween, who's won today? What's your mum's name? Catherine. I know her mum's name. Now, is that your presentation? I want the Satan one. I want the Satan one. Wands disqualify. Satan.

Everyone is always saying mean things about Satan, but it doesn't stop Satan. He keeps on working, quietly and in the shadows. He has one hell of a work ethic. How many religious holidays are dedicated to him, leading us all to get a day off work? None, because Satan likes to work. How many wars has he started?

None. He just cleans up the mess afterwards. And when everyone was saying homosexuals, non-white people, and heathens weren't allowed into heaven, who welcomed them with open arms and said, do whatever you want? It was Satan. Who looks good in red?

Satan does. Name another man Who looks good in red? Satan does. Name another man that looks good in red. It's not a colour that males can wear. No, you're right, it's not. Fashion icon. He also works well by himself. He doesn't need anyone else to stay focused on his task. He got blamed for the whole Adam and Eve apple debacle,

but really he was just showing Adam that Eve can't be trusted around apples or other men. That is a bro looking after a bro. Wow. And that is my presentation on Satan. Wow. Okay. I think we were right to poo-poo that. But it's happened anyway.

It's happened anyway. Carwain, your report, please. Your scorecard. Well, I did quite like Satan, but today our winner will be, because it's well researched. It's Richie McCoy, he's

won World Cups, he's beloved. I wouldn't say that that was well researched. It goes to Hayley Sproul. Yes! Unbelievable.

She puts some emotion in there, you know. She promoted smoking. I was promoting the sport of marching. She put some emotion in there. Who came second? She promoted smoking. I was promoting the sport of marching. She should be cancelled. Vaughn was promoting other things as well. Yes, bless me. The devil.

I'm second. He's lost. I don't know if you're second. You couldn't even spell Richie. It should have a T. Richard. Second place, my mum and safe. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Well, a French man has taken his old employers to work and won a court case. He basically has won the legal right to be boring outside of work hours. He didn't want to go to company drinks. Fantastic. Company drinks. Company drinks. Fantastic. What a good man. He said we're after work hours. He didn't want to go to company drinks. Fantastic. Company drinks. Company drinks. Fantastic. What a good man.

He said, we're after work hours. Yep. He said, people drank way too much. And he was very unprofessional. Correct. And you know, lads, lads, lads. Lads, lads, lads. Kind of carry on.

He said, team building exercises would often take place out of working hours, including weekend drinks. And he's like, I shouldn't have to go. Were they trying to say that he did have to go? Yes. Oh. And, yeah, he's won about $5,000 New Zealand dollars because they sacked him.

What? They sacked him because he didn't partake? Well, they sacked him because, well, there's lots of disagreements, but, yeah, and then he took them to court Over this Right And he's won Yeah

My god So it's sort of set a precedent Hasn't it Well yeah But I don't know if that means You can get out a secret Santa Because that's during work hours Isn't it

Yeah Guys I haven't got mine yet No it's not In work hours Our one isn't It's outside of work hours Oh yeah right Oh yeah if it's in

Ours isn't though Yeah Well outside of work hours. Oh, yeah, right. Oh, yeah, if it's in work hours isn't, though. Yeah. Well, I'm not coming to the Christmas party. You know that, eh? I'm not coming. You've got a wedding. Yeah. I don't have a wedding.

I just don't want to go. You just don't want to go. No, it's going to be a fun day. Yeah, we'll be sure. I said you should leave the wedding early to come back. No, no. Talk about an out-of-touch duo. You said that I should helicopter from Hamilton to the party.

Well, I was just trying to think, the quickest way to get there, I don't know how much that costs. It would be ridiculous. Yeah. Unless someone took a helicopter to Hamilton and it just happens to be coming back anyway. Yeah, is it like an Uber for helicopters? Well, Richie McCaw's your hero.

Why don't you touch base with him and see if he can chop me out? Or the Westpac. No, I desperately don't want to get injured, though. Yeah, right. And I'm pretty sure they're going to be using it for more important things. They only drop you at the hospital, too. They won't just land in a paddock. Bugger.

Oh, wow, looks like I'm not coming. You're not coming. And you have to come because it's at your house. Well, no, technically I don't have to come. I haven't promised that. You'll just turn up now. Yeah, you can use my house. Yeah, I'm not going to be there.

It's locked. It's all locked up. Yeah. Then go for it. The lawn's out the back. There's an extension cord outside if anybody needs power. But other than that, no, don't make a mess and be gone by 10. Hey, guys.

Apparently being the company's most successful podcast isn't enough. They want us to tell people to tell more of their friends. So people are clearly liking it, but we have to tell them to tell others to like it. I would concentrate more on the shitter podcasts that the company makes. Yeah, same. You know, the real losers out there. Yeah, like, no, no, no, we'll just... Yeah.

Maybe we won't say nice. Maybe we should even encourage people to listen to other podcasts that the company makes. Oh, no, but only after ours yeah nah nah don't do that and not more than ours give us a sexy

little review though ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley