ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 28th October 2022

Episode Date: October 27, 2022

Top 6: Fast & Furious  Final Rankings!  When did you split your pants?  Fatman Scoop!  It's Beginning to look a lot like Christmas!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, great barista made coffee on the go. Bit of a strange morning planned for me. I'm sure my friend Sam won't mind me sharing that his mother passed away many, many years ago. And Sam's got this great outlook on life. So every year he celebrates Dead Mum Day.

It's called Dead Mum Day. And I'm using that with his permission because that's what he calls it, Dead Mum Day. And he gets a bunch of us to drive out to Pukekohe, where his stepfather lives. And on the way we pick up a box of KGBs, but we have to ask the liquor store if they can give us the KGBs warm okay black or red red red yeah classic actually classic

for those international listeners that didn't grow up with KGB one of the original uh pre-mixed ready to drink RTD Yeah And it's so sweet It's a vodka lemon Yeah vodka lemon Kind of blend Yeah And the black was more Potent than the red

Yeah that's why we go red The reds were fives Or sixes And the blacks were eights Yeah something like that And we We drive out to his Step dad's house

And we talk about his mum And we look at photos Of the animals She's Hunted Okay She was a hunter. And we smash a few warm KGBs. Did she like a warm KGB?

That's why we do it. I mean, we're wine people, the people that are going, but his mum loved a KGB and she never had them in the fridge. So this is how we honour his lovely mother's life. That's amazing. By coming together every year and visiting Nick and drinking just the worst drink. Yeah, KGBs, even ice cold, were palatable.

Yeah. So a lot of sugar, more than like a Smirnoff red. We should do Friday rankings next Friday, RTDs. Of the early 2000s. Yeah, none of these fancy soda. You ain't got any pals that you're come in here with your seltzer for Get out of here I'm talking your originals

The choice now is insane When you go into a liquor store Everyone is trying to get that RTD that's like less than 100 calories a can Last week I got Scape Grace gin and sodas Yes Scape Grace gin I know Like nice gin

They're really nice It was the guy Urseg that started independent liquor right? I believe so yeah. He passed away. Is that right? And then he started 2 Degrees. Did he start 2 Degrees? He was a CEO of 2 Degrees. This guy was just like a little bit of an entrepreneurial fellow. Yeah right. He died

in a helicopter accident. A plane light plane. He started I'm sure he started an independent liquor. Yeah, right. Okay. Which was, you know, all of the early, your tattoos, your KGBs, there was a bourbon one as well.

Was it Mad, not Mad Jacks. Diesel. Was it Diesel that was an independent liquor? Yeah, Diesel. The grey one with the blue. Woodstock and Vodka Cruises. I used to drink so much bourbon in a can. Yeah. It was my drink of choice bourbon in a can. Yeah.

It was my drink of choice when I was like 19, 18, 19. Even now, I love whiskey, but Christ, a bourbon. Sometimes you get a bad bourbon and you're like. Can't do it. Last Dead Mum Day, I. Did you do a little vomit on the lawn? It was, sorry, it a helicopter Crashed near Raglan Yeah

This one's for you It's a finger Because I knew Who Who died It must have been The two degrees Someone died

In a light plane And I was in a I was on a flight Going to New Plymouth That was the situation That was the guy I don't I was on a flight

To New Plymouth And they were doing loops Around this little island Off the coast And we could see the oil slick. Right. Because they were looking for like any kind of survivors or just to be the first on the scene to radio back. I don't know.

I thought he went, I thought he might, I thought he may have even started two degrees. Yeah. Because when he, I think he sold independent liquor. Real mover and shaker. I probably got two dudes. I think you might have. I think you went into one here. I, last Dead Mum Day, I picked up the KGBs.

And then we don't finish the whole box. We always get like a 24 box, one of the big ones. I know, I'm sorry. How many have you got? Like three or four of us. Yeah, so it was Eric Hertz that died in a light plane crash, the one that I saw. And he was two degrees.

And he was two degrees. He was the CEO. Gotcha. I do apologize for confusing those two people. Anyway, after this, I had to put the box of the leftovers back in my boot. And it stayed there for like six months. And anytime someone said, I'm just going to chuck this in your boot, there was this sort of hot, festering box.

I've been in your hot, festering boot, and it's a fucking mess. Did you see any KGBs? No. It's a feral mess in there. But anyway, wish me luck. I've always got the good excuse. I'm the driver. Oh, you're nice. I'm the driver this year. Also, I like that outlook as well. It's a feral mess in there. But anyway, wish me luck. I've always got the good excuse. I'm the driver. Oh, you're nice.

I'm the driver this year. Also, I like that outlook as well. It's a celebration. Absolutely. We do everything Kathy's way. How old was he when he lost his mum? Oh, it was a number of years ago, like maybe 10, 11 years ago. She wasn't that old.

She had cancer. Oh, that's terrible. Oh, it's really awful. And he would have been young. Yeah, yeah. But she just had this real hard case, classic Kiwi, out on a farm, loved horses, and loved a warm KGB. A warm KGB.

So I'll raise a KGB to Cathy. To dead mum day. To dead mum day. Play ZM's Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Fawn and Hayley, happy Friday.

Isn't it nice to start the morning laughing? It is. Laughing out loud. I saw a very funny meme. Memes. I've stood the test of time. Does it translate well to being explained or not? Because I always try to explain a meme and it always falls well short.

Do you know the memes I'm loving at the moment are the Halloween costume? Yes. They are just brilliant. So good. So good. I love them. No, this one's not appropriate for radio. It's our Tyler friend with the duck.

Oh, yeah, I'm eating noodles naked and the duck bites me on the penis. It's like some old Asian art. And, yeah, there's this little kid eating a bowl of noodles naked and the duck's biting him on the penis. He's eating noodles and the duck's eating noodles. And it got me going. Well, good to start the day with a laugh. Yeah.

Today on the show, we'll have the top six. Yeah. Soon, as we always do. Now, they're toying with the idea of an all-female Fast and the Furious. So, today's top six. The top six Fast and the Furious all-female storylines. Okay. From a true feminist.

An ally. Yeah. One of your own. One of your own. One of your own. Who's saying they would have a movie without Vin Diesel? Vin Diesel. Well, they had the...

Well, but he started and be like, bye, girls. No, he'll be in there, but he'll be wearing a little crop top. Yeah. You know, a little crop top and some daisy jukes. Bye-bye, ladies. Yeah. Because they had the Hobbs and Shaw one with... Yeah, true.

...without him. But he's like the main Fast and the Furious... Yeah, right. ...movie dude. But yeah, an all-female Fast and the Furious. I've got to say, and I say this with great trepidation, is the Oceans 8? Yeah, the all-female Oceans.

It was crap. Oh, wow. She's not a feminist. The female Ghostbusters? Unwatchable. I left the cinema. Did you? Really?

Oh, wow. I still haven't seen it. Absolutely terrible. Good luck to them. Did you? Really? I still haven't seen it. Absolutely terrible. So Good luck to them. Good luck to the gals. We're going to need some, get Kristen Wiig on it. She's great at writing film for women. You know what I mean? Bridesmaid. Yeah, Bridesmaid

but just with cars. Yeah, but she couldn't say that, could she? No. Yeah, just do Bridesmaids too with cars. I'd watch that. Pooping in dresses and all sorts. There's a storyline for your top six. I've got to get to the wedding, but the flights are cancelled. Yeah.

Oh, man, that could have been one of the top six. Anyway, it's not. Now I've got to think of six others. Fat Man Scoop joins us on the show today after 7.30. This, of course, this Sunday, we're two weeks away from Friday Jams live at Western Springs. I'm so excited. I can't believe it. And we'll have some Macklemore tickets after 8.30 as well with Macklemore or less.

We've got an item from a thrift shop. If you see us there, I may be in my marching uniform. I've got a competition that morning of Friday Jams. No, I love that. You just come straight from marching. Little skirt, boots on, hat, everything. So if you see me, you won't miss me. Going on here.

All right, so Macklemore tickets, Friday Jam's live tickets after 8.30 this morning. Next on the show. If you are a person that walks at a great speed and you get stuck behind Fletch, does he gallops? Same, I sprint. But you get stuck behind some slow walkers. Oh, my God, push him.

Well, there's an invention that will help you by helping them. The world's fastest shoe. Doesn't the world's fastest shoe have to do with who's wearing it? I mean, that definitely helps. Okay, the world's fastest shoe next. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Say no more. Say no more Say no more

Oh I would absolutely Hoon a Big Mac Now You could hoon a Big Mac And then go for a walk What a great You know bit of balance Yeah love it

Get out there I don't actually have The weather's gonna be Bad this weekend So maybe a walk's off Yeah tropical this weekend It's gonna be quite Humid and wet

Yeah That's not good. Well, maybe save these for a dry day. These are the world's fastest shoes. This is on Kickstarter. Actually, currently already like $166,000 New Zealand dollars raised. I would love to see like an overall stat of everything ever that's been on Kickstarter and what's actually eventuated and worked

and what hasn't? Yeah. Do you think someone would have done the numbers on that? Kickstarter might have. Kickstarter is the one where if you don't meet your goal, you can get the money anyway. You re... Oh.

Isn't it? In Give-A-Little, you have to meet the goal or you get none of it. Oh, I don't know. No, I think Give-A-Little is just like charity donations, right? Whereas Kickstarter is like raising money to fund the development of the product. Yeah, right, right, right. All or nothing, this project will only be funded if it reaches its goal by Friday, November 25th, 2022.

It already has. Otherwise, you don't get the money. Yeah. Yeah, producer Jared's a fiend for Kickstarters. What do you mean? He's always sending me Kickstarters, being like, oh, I've chucked a bit of money in this. He's a big investor. What do you mean?

He's like Shark Tank on a budget over here. But is he, are you making stuff and putting it on Kickstarter? No, no, no. Oh, oh, I've chucked a bit of money in this. He's a big investor. He's like Shark Tank on a budget over here. But is he, are you making stuff and putting it on Kickstarter? No, no, no. Oh God, no. No, I'm investing. Well, what are you investing in? What are your investments?

Are you in on the world's fastest shoes? No, I haven't. That hasn't come across my desk yet. Okay. I like that he's got a desk. He does have a desk. The Kickstarter desk. No, I just like to invest in future games.

But what are you getting back? Are you getting shares or? No, so basically I'm giving them money to then make the product and then eventually send it to me. So I've got like three board games coming. I've got a few books coming. No, that's not an investment.

Board games are back. Your money's not working for you in the way that you think it is. You're giving companies money. And they'll eventually give me the product. So you're buying a product. It's like after the company. Future pay.

Yeah. Future buy. Something that doesn't exist yet. That's pretty cool. Because how many people just take the money and run? A few do, eh? I think a few have. Yeah, we need to get SimCore back in the studio from Girls That Invest.

Yeah. To explain to Jared what investing is. She only specialises in girls investing. She can't help Jared. No, that's not true. What? Aaron's read the book, Girls That Invest. Really? Yeah. And he said to me the other day, should we not renovate the house and invest at all?

I was like, she's got him. She got him hook, line and sinker. Actually, let's get Simcor back in here. I need to talk to her. Big invest. She's in trouble. She's in big trouble. I want my walk-in wardrobe. Actually, let's get Simcor back in here. I need to talk to her. Big invest. She's in trouble. She's in big trouble. I want my walk-in wardrobe. Well, if you want to invest in moonwalkers, the world's fastest shoe, you can.

Let me explain to you what moonwalkers are. First, they're not a shoe. They're an electronic roller skate. Okay. Because I was like, it's all about the movement of the leg. So you strap in these things that on the top look like those dad adventure sandals of the early 2000s. Which, by the way, are back. Are back, apparently.

Like Tevas and, yeah. Right. So you wear a shoe, any shoe, and then you put your foot in this strap and you strap yourself in. Like a crampon. Like roller skate when you were kids. Yeah. When you just like Velcroed on Yeah The top of your shoe Yeah

So then It's got a battery in it Now the wheels won't turn Unless you've got Unless you're stepping on that foot Right It's a very clever It's ergo

It's um Gyroscopic Gyroscopic Like the segways Bingo Right So when you step on it and forward It will propel you

So they're little like. But you can stand in them. Oh, yeah, weird. Okay. Yeah. So it looks really. There's a video here of a guy walking and it's like. He's walking.

You know when you're at the. Oh, so you still walk. Yeah. You know when you're at the airport and you step on the travel ladder. Oh my God. And you go twice as fast. It just looks like you're gliding. Yeah.

Like you're like sliding on ice, but perfectly balanced. That's kind of the vibe that and you go twice as fast. It just looks like you're gliding. Like you're sliding on ice but perfectly balanced. That's kind of the vibe that I'm getting from these shoots. I know, but imagine seeing someone walking down the street in these shoots. My concern was, do we have the footpaths for it? We've got a bumpy old footpath. And we've got a lot of scooters. Also, you walk down any main street, and most people are heads down on their phones.

They don't see you coming. No. If you're striding along on wheels. Going 250% faster than you normally do. You can go down there. They said you can. Moonwalkers do not freewheel without electronic multi-layer brake protection. Our two modes, lock and shift shift move only when you do.

This means you can go up and down stairs, step onto mass transit. Jesus, yes, I hadn't thought about trains and buses. Absolute cloppers. And confidently walk, wait at a crosswalk. Yeah, right. You can stop in less than a metre from top speed. See, how though?

Because if your weight's going... No, but they're like... Your weight's in the middle. But it's like stopping a Segway or one of those... You just sort of move your... Gyro board. You just stop. You move and it just stops.

Conquer hills up and down and overcome crumbling sidewalks with our electric drivetrain. Okay, he's thought of rough sidewalks. How much are these world's fastest shoes? Well, you know, you just invest. What does it tell you at some stage how much you get for how much money? Well, if you need investment advice, Producer Jared can give it to you.

$700 US will get you the Founders Edition. The estimated delivery is March 2023. That's 43% off. That includes a pair of moonwalkers, a charger, a carry bag, and that's limited to 10 pairs. That's already gone. That's been fulfilled. Wow.

Super early bird, $899. It's $1,800 New Zealand dollars. Yeah. Early bird. Basically, you get the same thing every time, but you're just not getting the biggest rewards for the initial investors. Right. Okay.

So they're $2,000 shoes. I think they've ticked it all off. They'll absolutely ruin an outfit. I'll tell you that. Just looking at them, they will absolutely kill your fashion. Yeah, you're not wearing those to a formal event, are you? Think like, you know, when you pull out your foot from a roller skate, like a roller blade, and it's got that ugly boot.

Oh, yeah. It's sort of like the big cloppery things. Yeah. I can't imagine these selling well at all. He's already had his goal. Of course they're going to sell well. You know, you're over here scoffing at the Segway. He's over here scoffing at the Segway.

This could be the future. No, they're embarrassing. Have you seen grown-ass men running electric scooters? That shit's embarrassing too. People don't care. No, people don't. I reckon they'll pop off. I reckon they're going to absolutely, you'll just tumble on them.

They'll be a disaster. Clay, Zed M's, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Just trying to find her credentials and I can't. A woman has shared Here we go. what she claims to be the only way to survive a sinking vehicle. And I just thought,

and I've pushed for this, that I would share it with you all. In the off chance that you may drive into a ravine or a big body of water. Or off a wharf. Off a wharf? You never know.

I'm trying to stop. On the wharf. Well, absolutely. You'll probably feel it. It'll be like, you'll be off a wharf? Off a wharf? You never know. Trying to stop on the wharf. You'll probably feel it. It'll be like, you'll be on the wharf. Yeah, but maybe the car's run away. Oh, now to control.

Oh, totally. I hope not. This is why my grand, just before you start, my granddad never wore a seatbelt because you never know when your car's going to end up in the ocean. He lived in Matamata, by the way. He would have had to have drove

up and over the Kaimai Ranges to get to the ocean Hundreds of kilometres away Yeah And Well we'd drive beside The Waikato River To Hamilton every now and then

But I mean Very very very Small chance of that Barry is Yeah but he's like Well if it gets in the water I'll be out And you'll be stuck in the car

Because you sleep out And my nan used to say to him You stop saying that to them You're scaring them. That's terrible advice as well. How old were you? Like eight? Younger than that.

Gosh. Well, look, I don't know why she knows this, but I read it and I was like, actually, this makes a lot of sense. So I first read it and I was like, okay, yes, this makes sense. As soon as your vehicle makes contact with the water, don't know how you got there,

undo your seatbelt, roll down the window as fast as you can and climb through the window. You're like, yeah. No. Yeah, because if you wait in there until you're fully submerged, the pressure, you won't be able to open your door or wind down your window. So she says once you've done that, immediately get out through the window before the vehicle is

fully under the water. You won't be able to open your door because before it's fully submerged, you can't open the door because of the pressure of the water pouring in. If your window won't roll down, you've got to break it. You can buy those breaking tools online. I've always wanted one of those little hammers from the bus.

Ursula's got one. What? Ursula Karsay. Is she carrying that? It's South African, you know that, Rich? She's ready for anything. Why does she have an emergency exit hammer? No, she's got it on her key ring.

It's this little thing. But knowing me, I'd be flipping my keys around and it would tap the window and go psh. Because I had to break a window. I think it's got a cover on it. It's sheathed. Right. So you have to take your keys out of the ignition,

undo it. Is she worried about being... Dude, I think it's just like, oh, no, that person's got my kid run up, smash a window, like, you know. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's South African survival mode, baby. She's already ready to go.

Okay. Well, if you don't have one of those, I can't be trusted with one of those. If you don't have one, she says pull off the headrest and use the two spokes on the bottom. Oh, great idea. Because everyone's like, oh, just kick through it. You can't. You can't do that. It needs to be a really small contact point to shatter it.

So she said, undo the headrest, spoke the thing. They should make those the ends of the headrests with that stuff. Yeah, that's a good idea. Oh yeah, like the little tip of it would just be a little glass breaker. Anyway, so she said, you know, if you can't do that with the metal prongs, next step, the water's filling in.

Yeah. If you still can't get out through the window, wade into your vehicle as fully under the water so that the pressure inside and outside is equal. And then you'll be able to open the door. Do you know what I mean? The thing where you're up against the roof going. She said there'll be a small amount of air left in your vehicle.

Take a deep breath, go under, open the door and follow the air bubbles to the surface. Because I didn't think about that. And if you think about the panic of the moment, right? You've literally driven off a wharf. How did I get here? Yeah, how did I get here? That I would be like trying to open the door

and trying to, you know, do all these things. That's really interesting, follow the air bubbles. Because they say if you're in an avalanche, you should dribble. Because that'll tell you which way. If it goes up your nose, you're like, okay, I'm upside down. Because if you're in an avalanche, you're kind of suspended in snow and you can't tell which way is up. Yeah, because if you were going quite deep into the water, right,

you'd be all disoriented. You'd have to. So she goes like like go take a deep breath and then go but also just look at the fish which way up is the fish hello tell the fish i just asked the fish which hey unless what if it's a flounder and it's swimming upside down imagine that because they can and then you just keep swimming down yeah and then you're like oh great i'm from the wrong side down and down and it's dark, and then a little light comes on, and you swim towards the light,

and you swim right into an anglerfish. Yeah. Always my worst nightmare. Okay, well, thanks for those survival tips. Oh, stay tuned for more. Do you think this is a regular segment, do you? I think this could be Sprout Survival Tips. Maybe you could do what to do in an avalanche next.

Just dribble. Next week. You get two for one. Dribble and dig. Yeah, but there's more than that. There's more to it than that. You don't want to get stuck in an avalanche and just be like, trying to create spit.

Get out of there. All right, Sprout survival tips. All right, the top six is next on the show and Fast and the Furious. Yeah, look, I've written a bit of this list. I'm already really regretting it. It will be absolute tongue in cheek, of course. I'll be reminding you that after every single one. Please don't cancel me on this beautiful Friday.

I've got a very busy weekend and I can't afford my mortgage if I don't have this job. The top six storylines from the all-female Fast and the Furious movie. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. From the yummy ZM think tank, this is the top six. What are you doing? I can't read them.

Today's top six is the top six storylines for the all-female Fast and the Furious movie. And he's just walked over and given me his laptop. You've chickened out. Hayley's written in today's list and she's going to read today's top six. Wow. But you're a feminist, so it's okay. You're a

female comedian laughing at stereotypes about females. I'm reading this. Oh my god. I don't know if Hayley can be cancelled. She's got a mortgage. She won't be cancelled. She's got a mortgage. She won't be cancelled. It's irony. Which obviously is tongue in cheek.

Obviously. Okay. But it doesn't read well coming from a male. Okay. It's going to be so much fun. So the news is that the Fast and the Furious franchise are going to do an all-female Fast and the Furious. Yeah.

They're working on this, which is fantastic. I mean, it's spoken like a true feminist. Thank you. Ally. If someone's like, I don't know about that, it is the stupidest movie franchise in the world. I know, it's not supposed to be taken seriously. I can't believe it makes

any money. When the last one went ludicrous and that went into space with a... Tyrese and Ludacris were that went into space with a... Tyrese and Ludacris were in space in a car wearing rubber kitchen gloves with masking tape. I had to go to that movie.

With a rocket engine welded to the car. I had to go. Like, yeah. It's the dumbest movie franchise if anybody's like, it's unbelievable that females could do this.

They make so much money. Dude, it's one of the richest franchises ever of movies. I have only seen the first one. The first one was good. Yeah. The first one, pretty much up to Tokyo Drift was okay. And then it just started getting stupid. How many movies are there all up?

Ten. Okay, so all up, the franchise has made at the box office $360 million. No, it's more than that. US dollars. But this is in America. The seventh one made a billion dollars. The last one with Paul Walker in it.

What? Where he passed away. Do you think that'll just be the first one then? But it'll be merchandise and everything, like worldwide. Oh, yeah. Okay, so that was just one. It's made billions and billions of dollars. Oh, my God.

Jesus. Wow. That's the original Fast and the Furious. Oh, yeah, okay, so that was just one. It's made billions and billions of dollars. Oh, my God, Jesus. Wow. That's the original Fast and the Furious. Well, I tell you what, I've got the top six storylines from the all-female Fast and the Furious movie. Oh, Hayley, are you sure you want to do this? Number six, getting home in time to get the washing in because there's a shower coming.

You've got to get the washing in because you want it lying dry. So you're speeding. Yeah. Drifting down the streets. Maybe you could jump out of one building, crash into another building, and then you get home in time to get the washing in. Land in your own backyard.

Yeah. And as you're landing, you grab the sheets. Top, top, top, top, top, top, top, top. Slow-mo, the pegs are all popping off. Yeah. Pum, pum, pum, pum, pum, pum. Yeah. Because-mo, the pegs are all popping off. Yeah. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah. Because Vin Diesel's not doing the washing, is he?

I don't think so. He's too worried about the bar. Why would he have to do it? The barbecue and an old oil drum with a few Coronas for the family. Number five on the top six storylines from the all-female Fast and Furious movie, nipping into the supermarket to get some Tammys. Yep. Wow.

Wow. Quickly, I'm wearing white pants. Go, go, go. Oil. What oil? 12. Personal hygiene. They've only got jumbo.

No, the car would smash into the countdown. Oh, you're saying... Yeah. Down there, drifting around the produce and stuff. It would drift in towards the camera, and it should be like, six-pack, heavy flow. And then they'd be like, six pack, heavy flow. And then they'd drift out of there.

Yeah, yeah, right. Wow, I've got number four on the top six storylines from the all-female Fast and Furious movie. Trying to get out of the parking building without curbing it. Haven't I been in a car park building when you've curbed it? Oh, I'm not saying that's specifically a female thing. I tell you what. I always curb it. I tell you what.

My, what are they called? My rims or whatever, they're absolute dust. I am. I'm terrible at it. Chunky monkeys. I swear like they put the least amount of effort into parking building ramps. Like they're not big enough. No, they're tight.

They're tight. Too tight. And then you've got to go around all the corners to get... And you know you want to go around that thing fast. So it goes... Especially if you're in a movie. If you're a badass chick in a Fast and Furious film. Totally.

Number three on the top six storylines from the all-female Fast and Furious movie, driving with another woman and deciding who is going to gasp and grab the handles and overreact to passing and who is going to gasp and grab the handles and overreact to passing and who's going to drive. Is that you just describing your wife?

You don't need to pass. You don't need to pass. They're doing 60 kilometres an hour on the other road. I accept the storyline. Do you do that one? I accept that. I literally did this coming home from the Coromandel after a long weekend Aaron

Aaron What? Don't freak me out like that it makes it worse I get that I get Watch out What for?

Don't just Where are the car going? There's a guy in front of you he's braking and you're accelerating We're in a 100 car zone he's a couple hundred metres ahead of me

Watch out. Watch out. Oh, if I hadn't said something, you would have crashed then. Probably not. Probably not. Number two on the top six storylines from the all-female Fast and Furious movie, getting home in time to get some dinner on the table for your husband. Hayley.

Don't Hayley me. That's not a feminist. Hey, don't Hayley me. Hayley, just go out for dinner. Don't shoot the messenger. And number one on the top six storylines from the all-female Fast and Furious movie, just give up if you get a flat tyre.

The end of the movie is just them sitting on the curb waiting for AA. And they call Vin Diesel and he's like, what do you want me to just change it? Oh, can you come and change it? Yeah, but I don't know where, Jackie bit. It's in know where, Jackie bit. It's in the boot.

We're in the boot. Why don't you come down, you bring your car, and then I'll take your car and you stay here and fix this car. Yeah. Actually, did you ever get a spare tyre? No, I still don't have a spare tyre. Oh, my God. So, see, this is one of the things.

But I know how to change, this is the thing, I know how to change it. I just didn't have the tyre. Oh, my God. This has been, like, what, eight months? Yeah. I'll be in trouble. That is today's top six. Dating terms.

We love to take a very small part of dating and slap a name on it. A label on it, yeah. This one I'm bringing to you this morning is cobwebbing. What do you think cobwebbing is? It's where you're under the house and you're just doing some stuff and then someone gets caught in your hair. And you don't notice and then you come out and someone's like, oh, there's a cobweb, and then you feel a spider on your face.

Okay, that's not dating. You're dating the spider. The person is the spider. You meet someone and you get caught in their web and then you can't get away. And then they eat you. I think that would be called black widowing. Yeah, right.

Not because it's not there. Someone takes ages to craft the perfect date They eat you. I think that would be called black widowing. Yeah, right. Yes. Not because it's not there. Someone takes ages to craft the perfect date and then you just ruin it by putting your finger through it. Or you're just innocently walking through a bush track and you accidentally ruin it. Yeah. No, none of these. Think more about the term cleaning out the cobwebs.

Oh, God, actually, that sort of led up. Blow it out. First time in ages. First time in ages. In ages. No. Cobwebbing is when you clear out the old in space for the new. So it's, you know, removing the messages from your ex,

all the, you know, things they've sent you, gifts, pictures, all that kind of stuff, cobwebbing is getting rid of them all. Okay. It's the final stage of moving on from a past romance. Right. So it's for those that haven't quite moved on and got over their ex. Yeah. You've got a few cobwebs hanging around.

Yes. In that relationship. You need to clean them out in order to make way for this. You've got to move on. That's what cobwebbing is. Huh, okay. Cobwebbing happens before a new relationship starts. You've got to clean.

Clean them out. Clean it out. What didn't you just call that spring cleaning? Spring clean. It's called cobwebbing. Also, when I was reading this article, because you know I love a dating term. Yeah, I do.

We talked about half-masting. Yes. I think last week or earlier this week. And they said, well, recently we've seen on the scene half-masting I think last week or earlier this week and they said, well recently we've seen on the scene half-masting and winter coating. Winter coating? Do you want a twofer? Is that where you put on a little bit of weight? Have a few chips?

Yeah. Winter coating is stop winter coating, it's a bad thing. What is it? Oh, it's too late. I'll do this one. I'll do this one on Monday. Do this one next week. Yeah, okay. Huffing season's almost here. What is happening?

Huffing. Cuffing. Cuffing. Oh, I thought you said huffing. I was like, that's where you put glue in a bag. For the uninitiated, cuffing season usually begins around October, and it's when single people search for short-term relationships to pass the time. For summer or for winter?

Singles this year need to watch out for a new cuffing season trend. See, we're with cuffing. In this cuffing season, there's a trend called winter coating. Winter coating happens when people get back in touch with old flames to land themselves an easy seasonal partner for the winter months. Oh, and then they get rid of them. Chuck on a winter coat, nice and easy to keep you warm. Get rid of them for summer.

So there'll be a few, what's the term again? Cuffing. Cuffing. Cobwebbing. Cobwebbing. Or winter coating. Winter coating. There'll be a few people getting rid of winter coats now.

Yes. And if you haven't, it's time to shake it off and put on your bikini. Your summer bikini. Yeah. Your light shirt. Great. Your light linen shirt. Your summer bikini. Yeah. It was your hot new... Your light shirt. Great. Your light linen shirt.

Your linen shirt. Look forward to what dating terms you have for us next week. They're endless, honestly. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Go. It's the final rankings. Well, we do this every Friday.

We take a topic, a subject, a thing, a food, whatever, and we rank them. Yep. Today, socks. Type of. Because I'm a big sockette person. Dude, that is so embarrassing. And people are like, are you even wearing a sock with your shoe? I know.

One, it looks like that. So I look at you and I think your feet must stink. But they know they don't because you're wearing a sock. But I've got great ankles. You've got fat. You've seen me at the gym. I've got good ankles. You've commented.

You've said, oh, my God, your ankles. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I see it. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Good ankles. Yeah, I know. But when I see someone.

No, no, not an ankle there. But see, I, if I, if I'd wear, I might wear like a, like a sports sock. Yeah. At the gym. I'll wear a sports sock. But I don't like the ones that just pop up like an inch above the shoe. I don't like those. You want them to sort of make their way up towards the calf. Yeah, I'd rather it go up to my calf.

You're talking a Sum 41 lead singer Derek Wibley skate sock. So you're talking a crew. That's a crew. A crew like an Adidas crew sock or something. I've got some of those. Two stripes around the top. Yeah. That sort of sock.

Yeah, I rock an ankle at the gym. I rock an ankle most of the time. But see what? You see a little tiny slither of sock. Yeah, but I've got... And it might be the different colour than your shoe. But remember, I'm often in a legging. Yeah, so you don't see...

So if I create a legging, I've got to have my ankles out as well. Because remember, you said, holy moly, right back at you. Yeah, I did. I said, yeah. Your ankles are incredible. Paul, what are you rocking in the ankle such? Oh, no, don't. He doesn't like to talk about his ankles. Yeah. Very did. Your ankles are incredible. Horne, what are you rocking in the ankle set? Oh, no, don't. He doesn't like to talk

about his ankles. Very thin. Very thin. Remarkably thin ankles. Look at these little things. He's got chicken legs. I've got small calves and small ankles.

Oh, that's petite. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Have you even seen the sun? No, that hasn't seen sun all year. Jesus. Get the boy outside. Your arms are a different body

to your legs. No, no, yeah, yeah. I'm quad, though. The quad god. They call me the quad god. It's all right. I've got a... I tried to try on some pants for a mate's wedding,

and I went and I put them on, and around the waist was fine, but then the guy's like, can you sit? I was like, no, but that's weird. And he's like, it's the quads. Yeah. And then he tapped them. And he's like... It's huge.

And then he could tell when he hit them, he wasn't expecting them to be that hard. And he was like, wow, you're the quad god. The quads are doing all the work. It's the quad god. You've got to do a bit of work on the car. Okay, so, oh, my God. Tony, I saw someone at the gym yesterday with odd socks as well.

I mean, go home. You're lost, you know? It's a gym. It's not a bloody fashion show. You have odd socks. It's like when people wear those days of the week undies. Yeah, you've got to wear them on the right day. And they're wearing Tuesday undies on a Friday.

I'm like, I cannot deal with it. I'm going to go to bat for the ankle. Your number one sock, the ankle sock. But that's longer than the anklet. Which is my sockette. I'm in sockette. There's nothing above the shoe with a sockette. The sockette constantly slips.

I want nothing to do with them. You've got to find a good sockette. No, I can't. I'm in socket. There's nothing above the shoe with a socket. The socket constantly slips. I want nothing to do with them. You've got to find a good socket. No, I can't. I refuse. I am going to go at the absolute opposite end of the spectrum. I'm going to go for a thick farm sock. Oh, my God. A merino.

A merino. A merino wool sock. A big, thick sock. I just love putting on a thick... Summer... I mean, if you're going tramping, maybe. No, they're different. Tramping socks are different because they've got...

It's a bit more support in different spots. Yeah, right. Those are my second favourite socks. You mean like just slipping on a big woolly sock. A big thick sock. But if it's made of wool, like merino wool, you can actually wear them in the summertime too and they'll stop getting blisters from gumboots.

But they're not overly hot because they're... It's a smart material, the merino wool, you can actually wear them in the summertime too and they'll stop getting blisters from gumboots, but they're not overly hot because it's a smart material, the merino. It is very smart. Now, producer Jared's raising the idea of a slipper sock. Isn't that a sockette? That's a sockette. That's a sockette. Jared, what are you talking about? A sock in place of a slipper. No, a slipper

sock is a real thick, fluffy, big sock that goes a little bit higher than your ankle, maybe like almost up the calf. Oh yeah, like a little booty. They're just warm and toasty. Yeah, it's like a townies version of a farm sock. Right, okay. Yeah, you might put that on and then put your

crocs over top and make your way to the washing line to get in the details. No, that's not making my rankings. I'm going to go ankle sock number one, the crew number No, that's not making my rankings. I'm going to go ankle sock number one, the crew number two, and then I'll go, I might have to join you on the old big man sock. Okay.

I love that. How good is a brand new farm sock? Someone's messaged in. Oh, they know. You see them and you're like, damn, that's an expensive pair of socks. But I've had a pair since like 2015. Yeah. Oh, wow. Like, they just last.

Yeah. Someone said, hello friends, especially Fletch, don't forget about compression socks. Oh, I had some of those. Oh, you love compression. I had some of those. Because remember I had a deep vein thrombosis on a plane. Yeah. Wild. Yeah. Had a little clot-clot. That's gotta be on

your list. I'm going ankle, crew, big woolly. I'm going ankle, crew, big woolly. I'm going socket, crew, socket. Oh, you're sandwiching. The left socket. Left socket. No, no, no. The first socket is a socket, and then socket, crew,

and then his last socket is a socket with a little pom-pom on the back. Yes, he loves the pom-pom. Yeah, what's wrong with that? Nothing. No, I love it when you wear your pom-poms to work. It's very flirtatious when you wear it to your tennis coach. I'm just saying. I know. Yeah. Well, Hayley and I are really, we're coming along leaps and bounds with our

tennis, aren't we? Oh my god, you should see my back, back, back swing. Someone just wants to ask why we're talking about socks. I've obviously just joined the show. Just joined us. Welcome to Friday Rankings, where we take a mundane subject and then fiercely debate which are the best. They sound us. Welcome to Friday Rankings where we take a mundane subject and then fiercely debate which are the best.

They sound like they need to catch up with the podcast for our kitchen utensils. Get to iHeartRadio. That was a great one. Get the iHeartRadio app. Get on the iHeartRadio app. So my order is

farm sock, hiking sock, which can also be a snowboard boot sock because it's warm and it encourages circulation. What are you doing in the summer, Vaughan?

It's just walking around in the sock. Yeah. It's breathable. And the third sock. Socket. Say socket. Might have to go a socket because in summer I wear new balances. In summer I wear new balances and I was mocked relentlessly for having a sock that pooped

its little head out. Oh my God. It was disgusting. No, it was disgusting. Have you guys been laughing about my socks every day? I might poke their little heads out every day.

Yeah, we have been. Oh wow. Nea, I wanted someone to know stockings were included because they're sexy. No, they're stockings. They're not socks.

That's hosiery. Yeah, join us next week. We will be ranking hosiery. Play it. ZDM's Fletchford and Hayley. So Hugh Jackman is, god he's great. I love Hugh Jackman.

I'm a big fan. Nice guy. Loved by all, would you say? Loved by all. Universally adored. Universally adored. He can absolutely rip in an action film, but he also is a musical theatre guy, which I just love.

He's a singer and a dancer. Yeah, beautiful marriage to his wife. I love him. So at the moment he is, well, he's bulking up for Wolverine. He said he wouldn't play him again, but he is jumping back in. Yeah, for Deadpool 3,

which is Deadpool's first movie, officially part of the MCU. And he, yeah, said, Ryan Reynolds said he really wanted Hugh Jackman to be part of it. Right.

And they're friends. Yeah, right. Well, he's been, he's been Wolverine. Jacking. He's been Wolverine for 17 years. No, longer. Really?

Marvel fans thought Jackman's 17-year run. That, because when did the first X-Men movie come out? 2002? Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't matter. A long time. A really long time. But every time he does a film right, he has to absolutely get hulking, like huge muscles.

You can see why he said no thanks. Yeah, right? And he said the diet for it is brutal. And at the moment, he's on Broadway. He's doing The Music Man. And he's burning 1,500 calories a night on stage. So he has to eat. Just dancing and singing.

Dancing and singing. I tell you what, takes it out of you. What are you saying though? I could just dance and sing. I don't have to go to to eat. Just dancing and singing. Dancing and singing. I tell you what, it takes it out of you. What are you saying though? I could just dance and sing. I don't have to go to the gym. I would pay money for it. I would pay money for it. Okay, I'll go to the gym.

Me too. So because he's burning all these calories on stage at night, he has to eat so much in order to get big for Wolverine again. And he said it has not gotten well

because he's bulking so fast that every night on stage he's been splitting his pants for the costume. Right. Because, you know. Because it's tight. Because it's tight.

It's tight. And his dumper is just as big. His dumper be popping. His dumper be popping. And so he said that he just keeps going out on stage and they keep changing the pants but because he's bulking so fast

for Wolverine that they just can't keep up with him. And he keeps splitting his pants on stage and everyone's seeing his tush. So he's made an apology. I mean, he's wearing underwear, right? Surely. He's made an apology. Yeah, he is. Yeah.

To his wife and to the audience of Music Man. He's like, God, I just, I can't keep up with the pants. And I love it when a pants split. Oh, it's embarrassing. I've split suit pants before. Suit pants, there's no give. And in a suit, you're at an event. Like it's the worst combo.

It's the worst combo ever. What did you do? Did you tie your blazer around your waist? No, it was just kind of like... Yeah, he had his period too. He tied his blazer around his waist all the time. It was like it wasn't that bad that it was noticeable. Just a little split. But yeah, Yeah, yeah. You've always got to tie it. Have his cardigan. It wasn't that bad that it was noticeable.

Just a little splat. But yeah, just, yeah. There's always that moment where you sort of drop down and you go, oh my God, no. It was more a crotch split than it was a

butt split. Those are the worst because you can't hide those. So you would rather have your ding dong out than your bum? I was wearing

underwear. Sure. For the first time. For the first time. I was wearing underwear. Sure, for the first time. For the first time. I always wear underwear for formal events. Yeah, for formal events only. Not at a formal event. No, there's sort of gooch in the jeans where it goes.

That's a problem. It'll be a little hole and then you'll go to step over something and you'll hear, and it'll be gone. Have you ever tried on clothes at a clothing store and you've heard a rip? Do you know what mine is? It's my back. Like often I'll get a top on and with girls, you've got to get it over the boobs.

And when you do, your back flexes and you always hear that like ripping of seam and you're like, poor quality. Leave this on the hook here. Just hang that back up. And then you say to the store people, oh, no, no. It's not quite my style. It's not quite me. See you later.

Yeah, thank you. Oh, that's a terrible noise. And then leave the store ASAP. Well, I mean, this is very silly, and I thank you for allowing me to do it. When did you split your pants? That's what I want to know from our lovely listeners. Yeah, bonus points if it was at a really formal event. Or like business.

What about like a job interview? Yep. Or meeting the parents for the first time. Or at school when you're a kid. Shame. Or if you're at school if you're a teacher. Even worse. Yeah.

All right, well, share your stories. 0800 dials at em, you can text as well, 9696. When did you split your pants? Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Ailey. Play ZM. We want to talk about when you've split your pants. No further explanation. It's a problem for Hugh Jackman at the moment.

He's getting too jacked and he's on stage and on Broadway at the moment and also prepping for Wolverine so he keeps splitting his pants because he's getting thick. Rebecca, where did this happen to you? At the gym. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Now, are you one of those people that wear underwear at the gym? Because I know a lot of people don't. They trust the lining. What woman doesn't? I know. Women wear it. I know. They don't understand how a vagina works.

What do you mean? What do you mean? Where are you? Hey, hey, hey. I know how it works. You don't understand the absolute inner workings of a vagina. I know there's this bit, I know there's that bit, this, and then another one around it.

Rebecca, I'm pulling up a diagram for the boys. I apologise. But when I go to the gym, I've got a pair of gym tights that are absolutely two stitches away, I reckon, but I wear a gym G. What were you rocking underneath? I actually think it might have been a G. It's a G. Yeah. It was a G.

And because I was wearing like... They weren't tight. Oh, sorry, language. That's alright. I would never put that out into the world. They weren't tight. No, they weren't tights. They were loose.

They were loose pants. Before I went to the gym, I did the whole pre-squats at home to make sure there was enough give and no pants. A squat test. It was fine, so I got to the gym and I loaded up the Smith machine and off I went. And the next

night I just heard this pop. And I felt this breeze and I was like oh god that's a mess. I don't know if you've ever been to Les Mills in the city. Yes, that's the gym we go to. But they've got that female changing gym just before you get to the circuit studio.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I quickly shimmy my way back into there. Squeezing my butt cheeks together so I'd hold whatever fabric was closing my bum together. You pinced them together with your cheeks. Yep. Oh wow, because you've still got to walk all

the way back through the night. That's an extra exercise too, actually. Yeah, yeah. Glute. Glute. A glute hole. A glute grasp. Well, I still have a whole class to do. Oh, wow. Okay. You didn't do the class, did you? No, I did, but I had a pair of pants in my bag to change into. Oh, thank God.

Oh, wow. Okay. Oh, yeah. No, I wasn't going to do the class. I was like, what are you doing? Go home. Amazing. Rebecca, thank you so much for sharing.

Stacey, you've had a pants rip? Yes, I have. Many moons ago when I lived in Invercargill, I went to the pool. Oh, yeah. You've had a pants rip? My pants were caught. My sports shorts were caught onto something. I tried to lift myself up and I couldn't. And they ripped the whole board short. I was so embarrassed. I actually sat in the pool for about 40 minutes like a scribbled up prune. And I didn't want to flag anyone down because all the lifeguards were guys. Oh, no.

How did you get out of the water? And my towel was over the other side, and it was so embarrassing, so I asked these older ladies if they could help me, and they tied up my board shorts for me at the back. Women supporting women. Did they ever find the mystery in Vikargal pool, Poopa? Do you remember that?

No, but around that time was when it was all happening. Oh! I was just sitting in the pool. You were there, Stacey. The Invercargill City Council would like to speak to you. She didn't know she was pooping every time she tore her pants. Why didn't it just pop out? Jay, when did you have a pants rip accident?

More in a team. More in a team. So I am a personal trainer and so basically our uniform was all black so I had all these black shorts and they were all the exact same pair because I really like this pair. And one day I ripped these shorts and then

I went home and I chucked them out and the next day, chucked my shorts back on, went to mahi and then turns out I'd actually thrown out a pair that didn't have a hole and I put on a pair of shorts that had this big hole in my butt was showing. Well, not my butt. So, and because the uniforms are all black, this just gets worse and worse. The uniforms are all black.

And so I try to like brighten up, you know, by wearing bright undies and bright socks. Oh, babe. These bright undies and bright socks. Oh, babe. There's bright undies. And then I went to work the whole day and nobody said a thing. They knew, though. They could see. Oh, they've seen, man. I got home that night and my missus was like,

babe, you've got a big hole in your shorts. Shame. Oh, no, Jay, thank you so much for sharing A lot of messages in People feeling the same shame Yep You're not alone there Teachers splitting jeans

In front of a classroom Full of children A teacher who was leading Their first student assembly And their pants split As they stepped up All onto the stage So that's worse than a teacher

That's all the kids there, isn't it? My partner does this at every formal event we go to. Well, this Sunday marks two weeks till Friday Jams Live. We're all very excited. And emceeing the whole damn thing, Fat Man Scoop. That is correct. That is correct. How y'all doing this morning?

Good. Good. Good. What a burst of energy you are. Yes, I'm here. Thank God. You must be excited. I am. I mean, you know, of course we're weeks away, right? But one of the things that I

asked Mushroom Group to do was to make sure that I come here and talk to everyone. Yeah. Because we only get to do one show here. So I want to make sure that I come here and talk to everyone. Yeah. Because we only get to do one show here. So I want to make sure that all my Kiwis, all my people are out here in force at this thing because it's only coming around once. And we've been waiting a long time as well.

I mean, we've been locked down and no concerts, nothing fun. Two years. Yeah. Two years. You know, when someone takes something away from you, long time as well i mean we've been locked down and no concerts nothing fun two years yeah two years do you know you know when someone takes something away from you for two years and then they give it back how do you behave so this is going to be crazy this is going to be nuts because people people you you take something away like this from people, you take their joy away, you take care of everything, it could get animalistic out there. It could be something else completely. Fat Man Scoop, I'm ready to get buck wild. Yeah.

I'm telling you, I'm going to get buck wild. Listen, you still got to come to work the next day. Yeah, but I would say. Be careful. It's almost like the Christmas party. Don't drink too much alcohol. Don't do too much because you still got to be in here with

these guys tomorrow. Or we could just take the day off. We could take Monday off. But listen, even if you take Monday off, don't do something crazy because you're going to have to look him in the face on Tuesday. So don't go too crazy. I reckon they've seen it all. I've got to judge me in the face.

Oh, here she is. Head tilt. Hands on hips. By the way, I want to ask seen it all at this point. I've got to judge me into a face. Oh, well, here she is. Head tilt, hands on hips. By the way, I want to ask you a question. Please do. Because I've been asking and I need an answer. Who has the contract to the Prime Minister? Vaughn went to school with her. You did? Yeah.

Get out of here. Bro, does that go to school where you just saw her walking in the hallways? I was in math class. We went to a small school. Yeah, we're on student council. What do you need? I need her to come and DJ for me at the show.

I want her to DJ while I perform. She's a great DJ. I can put some, yeah. No, no, no, bro, bro, bro. I don't need, I need definite stuff. I don't need, I can put some. I can ask. I need you to sort it out. I'll ask it. Okay.

So then who do I talk to? Whose ass do I kiss to get this done? Kiss Vaughn's ass. No, no, no. He messages him all the time. He's got a direct line. So you're going to do this for me? Yeah.

I'll ask. Okay. I'm giving you my WhatsApp. Okay. Okay. I'm depending on you to do this. I'm going to be all over you like a polyester shirt. Okay. Okay? I'm depending on you to do this. I'm gonna be all over you like a polyester shirt. Okay, I can ask. You think she'll

do it? I don't know. Since she's been Prime Minister, she's stepped away from the DJ. She hasn't DJ'd since? Maybe once? Since being Prime Minister. I don't know if she's done it at all. If I ask her, you think she'll do it? Hey, we can try. We can make a video. Do you want to make a video now? Make a video now and you ask her, you think she'll do it? Hey, we can try. We can make a video. Do you want to make a video now?

Make a video now and you ask her. Okay. Hang on. I'm going to set this up. Okay. Open up the video. G'day, mate. I've got someone here who wants to ask you a question.

Hello, Miss Prime Minister. This is Fat Man Scoop, the undisputed voice of the club, the two-time Grammy Award winner. I'm the guy that says, Fat Man Scoop, the undisputed voice of the club, the two-time Grammy Award winner. I'm the guy that says, Fat Man Scoop, Club McClain. I know. As a DJ, you've heard that before. I need you to bring it on down

to Friday's Live. I would like you to be my personal DJ during my performance set. Is there anything that I can do for you? Can I pet your dog? Can I walk your cat? What can I do to get this done? I'm going to leave it in this man's hands right here

who claims that he went to school with you. I don't know if that's true or not, but I really need this to happen. My WhatsApp, just in case you want to reach out to me, is... Thank you, in Jesus' name. Oh, man, she can't say no to happen. My WhatsApp, just in case you want to reach out to me, is... Thank you. In Jesus' name. Oh, man.

She can't say no to that. She can't say no. She can't say no. Well, yeah. Y'all not going to put my WhatsApp on the radio. No, no, no. I beeped it out.

I beeped it out. You know, the calls I would probably get if you let that go, if you let that fly, it'd be a bunch of people. Oh, and New Zealanders would be like, oh, you got any tickets? a bunch of people. Oh, New Zealanders would be like, oh, you got any tickets, Fat Man Scoop?

Oh, listen, listen. This is the time where everybody comes out. Fat Man Scoop, your energy is second to none. I cannot wait to join you at Friday Jams Live. Go crazy, it's about the people. Thanks for joining us. No problem. And are you guys going to come out

and be on stage with me? Sure. You sure? Well, Hayley will get buck wild. I promise getting back wild. Okay. Well, I'm expecting you guys to be there. Thank you.

Hell yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Can I just say No Just a couple of Well no Please don't Okay

Don't say it Shut up Shut up Shut your face This isn't Fletch I'm gonna ask you to shut your mouth This isn't Fletch of the day This is Fact of the day

It should be Fletch of the day Whoa Who's our Fletch of the day today? Me fact of the day. It should be. Fletch of the day. Whoa, who's our fletch of the day today? Me. Yay. Surprise. No, in just a couple of minutes.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We told you to shut up. I'm telling the listeners that very soon. A woman asked you to be quiet and you continue to talk. He's talking over me. Wow. This is unbelievable. I'm so sorry.

This is unbelievable. And now he's talking over me, another man. Oh, my God, but you're an ally. So technically a woman. He's talking over two women. Talking over two women. How dare you, sir? How dare you?

Look, I'm just saying we're giving away Fridays. Are you still going? I would have turned my microphone off and probably. We don't care what we're giving away. I'd be packing up my things. We're giving away Friday James live tickets in just a couple of minutes. Was it worth it? I think it was.

To walk over a couple of women to tell you that Friday Jams live tickets are up and going soon. Chivalry is dead, ladies. Chivalry is dead. Vaughan, I'm really sorry that happened to you. I am also apologetic that it happened to you. On behalf of all men. I'm sorry you had to hear this from a man, but I'm sorry. On behalf of all women, including you. I am also apologetic that it happened to you. On behalf of all men. I'm sorry you had to hear this from a man, but I'm sorry.

On behalf of all women, including you. Yes. I count you in there. A huge apology. It's in order. Apology accepted. And yet he continues to talk. You just said it a little time out, mate. Just a little quiet time. The sheer audacity of the man. Shut your mouth.

You know what? We're living in sort of a metaphorical poetic reflection of society, aren't we? Yeah. You know? Wow. Won't admit that he's wrong. Oh, my God.

Barreled through us. Sorry. I'll let the woman talk. Say it like you mean it. I mean, it's not going to be as good as this. It's not going to be as good as this. It's not going to be as good as this. Weird, weird roasting that's been happening. Today's fact of the day.

Today's fact of the day is in Korea. Fletch, just be careful. You've already, you've already, I don't know if you should go after the people of Korea. I didn't even say anything. I didn't even say anything I didn't even say anything Are we going to Kimchi Project? Yes we are Speaking of Korea

Oh she's rolled her eyes Wow You're rolling your eyes at the nation of Korea Both North and South What's Korea done to you producer Anna? What given us the lovely Hyundai? I love Korea. Oh, yeah.

I just want to hear what the fact of the day is and then move on. Huge fan of North Korea and the producers. Look, I don't discriminate. All Koreas, you know. All Koreas. By saying all Korea, you're saying no Korea. Wow. You know?

Fan of North Korea. What's she going to say next? Not all men? I want to go home. Did she just say all lives matter? Jesus. Wow, Kanye. You just be careful. Turn her mic off.

Wow. I mean, if someone's last show is mid next week, I think we know why. If someone disappeared in the middle of the week instead of making it Friday. If someone all of a sudden made a short-term announcement that they were leaving, I don't think it would be their choice. No. I'm leaving.

It's been long before. You are leaving. It's already confirmed. The next sort of Korea chat. I wish Korea all the best, North and South. Wait, no. North Korea.

We don't wish North Korea the best. The people of North Korea, have you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll pass the message on to Kim. No, no, no. Not a Kim fan. I mean, you said North Korea, now she The people of North Korea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll pass the message on to Kim. No, no, no. Not a Kim fan. I mean,

you said all Korea. Now she's redacted. There's going to be nobody on this show left. Fletch after the woman. Just myself, a self-identified ally. Hayley called me a woman.

I'm happy to wear that title, but only when given it by another woman. Okay. And you wait till Hayley's new march comes out that she's been practising. No, my march is very different to the one

that you guys think it is. It's... I'll just say this. The arms are lower. There's parallels to be drawn in 1939. Oh my God. I'm not kidding. Okay, what's the fact of the day?

Everybody's cancelled. There is... Well, it's happened. The lone survivor. The wolf. Who would have thought it would be born soon? Everybody thought I'd be first. I am the last man standing. All right. The lone survivor. The wolf. Who would have thought it would be born soon? Everybody thought I'd be first. I am the last man standing.

All right. Today's fact of the day. Today's fact of the day is in Korea, a cold relief hot drink is a warmed up can of Coke. Oh. So this is how you make hot lemon. Like cold and flu, you mean? Yeah. Like a lemon honey.

Like here we make a lemon honey right. This is their ingredient for a hot toddy. Ingredients. One can of Coca-Cola, full strength. Okay. Full strength. Except no substitutes. Three slices of ginger and three slices of lemon.

Beat the ginger slices slightly. You don't beat something slightly, do you? You tap it. Mm. You beat the ginger. I like to use a teaspoon of crushed ginger. Oh, yeah. That's already crushed. Yeah.

Okay, you could use that, I suppose. Yeah. Beat the ginger slices slightly with a knife to release the flavour in a small saucepan. I call that a bruising. A bruising of the ginger. Yeah. In a small saucepan, pour...

In a small pot... Saucepan. Why is that funny? Saucepan. It's saucepan. Yeah. But for some reason we say saucepan. Yeah.

Saucepan in a small pot over a medium heat. Pour the Coke and the ginger slices in. Bring to a boil, simmer for five minutes, turn off the heat. Sift the hot Coke into a serving cup. Yeah. So through a sieve to get the lumps of ginger out, I guess. Put the lemon slices in and drink immediately. Wow.

If you heat up fizzy drink, does it keep its fizzle? No. I mean, the fizz would go and you'd lose a little bit of the extra water if you're simmering it for five minutes, it would be more syrupy. Like a syrup water. If you heat up Coke Zero, because just thinking on a journey to health, would that make some kind of mega solution? With all the chemicals in it.

With all the, yeah. I don't know. Like, because that might be changing things too much. Yeah, I don't know. Goodness. Because then I was like, that's unusual. But then I guess because I clicked on this and read about it a little bit,

then I found out that Americans used to, until a few decades ago, heat up Dr. Pepper as a winter drink. Ew. I don't know Dr. Pepper. But it would, wouldn't it? It'd get rid of the fizz, so then you're just drinking your sweet syrup.

You can't beat a lemon honey. There's no honey in this whatsoever. You just cannot. You can't beat a lemon honey. A lot of sugar though Yum Yum yum yum yum So today's fact of the day

Is if you ever find yourself in Korea Anna probably not Around it Well North Korea if any Oh yeah She'll be Oh she'll be straight into North Korea She's probably

She said she's going to Australia To do podcasts She's probably doing Kim Jong-un radio podcasts I think you would look great In a Kim Jong-un suit I don't want to infuriate Kim in suits. His muscles can't reach here yet.

If you find yourself in Korea, probably South, because I don't think they've got Coke, in North Korea, and you have a cough or a cold, you may be given a hot lemon and ginger Coke. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM's Friday Flashback. All right, time, though, first for Friday Flashback. Vaughan, it's your pick this week.

That is correct. This song, I just rediscovered that this year the absolutely beautiful podcast called 60 Songs That Explain the 90s had about 13 more episodes because he got to 60. Rob, the host, he got to 60, but people loved it so much and he was like,

he should do 90s. There's more songs. 90 songs that explain the 90s sounds better. Yeah. You can just listen to the ones of the songs you know about because it's always like you learn so much about the song and the artist. And it's any genre.

There's Britney, there's Tool, there's Smashing Pumpkins, there's everything. Yeah, yeah. Pop music, dance music, rock music. It's phenomenal. Great podcast. It's a beautifully told story. And this one was a really interesting story behind the song.

It came out in 1993. I'll tell you a little bit about the other stuff about the song before I tell you the interesting part because it'll immediately give it away. So it peaked at number 10 on the New Zealand charts in 1993. At the end of 1993, it was the 49th most popular song of the year in 1993. That's not huge, is it? It was covered by Crazy Frog. Oh, get out.

You remember how Crazy Frog had the one ring, ding, ding, ding, ding, and then the rest, baa, baa, ring, bing, bing, bing. Yes. But then the rest were just covers. If that is your Friday flashback, I'm out. It's not Crazy Frog. And it's not the Crazy Frog version of the song. It was also, I don't know, covered, there was an Addams Family remix. That song is terrible. No, it's a the song. It was also, I didn't know, covered, there was an

Addams Family remix. This song is terrible. No, it's a great song. It's a most amazing chorus. Oh my God, I just saw what it is. So this song came out

and at exactly the same time, another song came out that was called Whoop, There It Is. Oh yeah. And a lot of similarities.

If you want to hear the whole story, Rob Carvella on 60 songs that explain the 90s Tells a story far far better than me But don't listen now because you're listening to the radio So sit down and listen to this And then go and listen to the story behind it Sometime later on

Today's Friday Flashback from 1993 Oh my god From the band, you won't have heard of the band The band is called Tag Team, Truly a one-hit wonder. Today's Friday Flashback is... There it is. Bracket. There it is.

Close bracket. Shaka laka, shaka laka, shaka laka. I've got to say, I'm reading the text coming in because I thought that maybe Vaughn would lie and say they were all positive. Not a bad word about it. Are you kidding me? Not a bad word about it. That is kidding me? Not a bad word about it.

That is the worst Friday flashback of the year. I guess it took me. It took me. I tell you, it is a song that you're on and it sweeps you off your feet. You only ever hear it at sports games, basketball, or at bars at 2am. Yeah. And I think that's why a lot of people are mistaking the lyrics. So many people messaged in.

I have never ever thought it was, but people are messaging in. People are saying like, granted, I was born in 1993, so I didn't hear the song when it came out, but I've heard it plenty of times since. Somebody else said, I remember when that song came out. All these people of all these different ages who are like, but I always thought the lyrics were whoop-de-de-us. Like whoop that ass.

Like whoop that ass. I guess there's a lot of spanking when that comes on in there. And if you actually spell it out, it's whoomp. Whoomp. W-H-O-O-M-P. There it is. So I will read some feedback. It only seems fair.

Because it's positive. Fletch needs to be cancelled. Why me? Because I called it the worst of all time. Probably. Somebody said legend. I remember popping this in on the car cassette player. Oh, yeah.

Okay. How good was that sound when a car cassette went in and it went... Do you know what that'd be? That'd be a good secret sound. Oh, you've told them now. We've told them now. Guys, the next secret sound is a cassette going into a car. Someone said,

absolute left field choice, but how can you hate any song that for a good 30 seconds, all that's said is boom, shakalaka, shakalaka. Lyrical genius. Absolute lyrical genius. Probably what made it the 49th most popular song of the year. Someone said, fledge, take notes. I couldn't agree more.

Take notes? That was a rubbish song. I just jumped in this, the car halfway through the song. I missed the intro. I'm guessing it's Vaughn's pick since it's a good one. Oh, wow. Rubbish. Someone said, my kids are just like, this is the greatest song ever. As it transcends generation.

Well, I'll play them the crazy frog version. I don't. Okay, I need to them the crazy frog version. I don't. Okay, I need to hear the crazy frog. Can you give us a little crazy frog version? What would that have been called? Wump? Wump. I'd imagine so.

Wump, wump, wump, wump, wump, wump, wump, wump. Wump. Wump. Oh, my God. Oh, gosh. Here we go. I'm so sorry everyone. He's in with the shakalaka.

I like this better already. Oh it's very sampled it. Producer Anna wants us to play it in full. It's her last Friday. It's her last Friday. All right. We'll see you after the song.

Oh, my God. I don't think there's any other radio show brave enough to play Crazy Frog. We're pushing boundaries. At ten past eight on a Friday. I just don't think anyone's brave enough. No. John and Ben, we're calling you out. Everybody. Coast, you don't have the guts.

Yeah, I think I like this one better. Do you? In the original. Sir, how dare you? Your taste is absolutely questionable. Oh, God. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

I want to make you feel a little bit even more uncomfortable than Crazy Frog doing Hwump. There it is. Okay. There is a bride-to-be, and apparently she says she's caught between a rock and a hard place. I think it's pretty straightforward. Yeah. Oh. I was like, what is caught between a rock and a hard place. I think it's pretty straightforward. Yeah.

Oh, I was like, what is this song? It's a little background music. So she's getting married next year. Right. And her father decided his wedding gift to the bride and groom would be to book them their suite in a very fancy hotel for the following night, for that night of the wedding. What a kind and generous gift. I know, they're expensive, right? He said, I'm going to do this for you.

I'll book it. Booked the fancy suite and gifted it to her. And she's like, that's awesome. What a great way that's going to end the day. Then her mother, who divorced her father 23 years ago, caught wind of this. And apparently they've been doing petty little acts to each other since their divorce for 23 years ago caught wind of this and apparently they've been doing petty little acts to each other

since their divorce for 23 years. So what the mother did was she called the hotel and booked the suite next to the honeymoon suite for her to stay in and the one on the other side

for her son, the bride's brother, to stay in on the night of the wedding as well. Oh no, you don't need to do in on the night of the wedding as well. Oh, no, you don't need to do that through the walls. Ew, you don't want to be sandwiched by your family. That's a sandwich.

Gross, right? That is horrendous. We had a house to ourselves. Remember that weird Harry Potter house? Oh, yeah, you did, yeah. That we had the next day thing at and the girls got ready. Really, we had the whole house. So I said, yourselves, don't worry,

I don't think I had somebody to drink too much. Still gave it a go, though. Not a quitter. You gave your absolute best, didn't you? He's crying. At least you said there was a lot of womb there. There it is. I don't know what I'm saying.

Right. What's happening? What are we talking about? Well, okay. So the mother-in-law walks to that room next door. That's psycho behavior. Psycho behavior. I don't want my family anywhere near me.

No. Do you know, my mom even suggested this because we had an idea maybe that we'd get married in Italy. But there's a recession coming, isn't there? Yeah. And a war. So that's probably not happening. But we were going to get married in the tiny little village where my parents have an apartment.

And the mum was like, well, you could just stay at ours afterwards. I'm not having sex in the end. Ew, yeah, no. Gross. Anyway, obviously the groom-to-be is absolutely beside himself as well, that his mother-in-law is going to be literally through the wall on their wedding night. And I wanted to know if anyone had a story when their sort of in-laws were a bit much.

Oh. You know what I mean? Because you're very lucky with your in-laws, aren't you? Yeah, I make fun of Shade's dad heaps, and I don't think he knows I am doing it. But I'm so lucky with my in-laws I get on with them

great people I'm so lucky with them oh my god my in-laws are coming and it's a nightmare and I don't want to see them you're married to their child it must be such a hard thing to balance.

Yeah. And they've got, they'd always have higher expectation of you because they're going like, that's my daughter. Yeah. Yeah. I think I'll be like that. Yeah, absolutely. I've got a good, good relationship with my in-laws.

They've never been that full on. I do, you know, my, my father-in-law, I lived with them. Yeah. My mother and father-in-law, Aaron's parents, for a year without Aaron. So you're very lucky you get on with them as well. Get on with them. They even folded my washing. A little bit embarrassing when I was going to the gym a lot.

Gym Gs. Oh, yeah, yeah. Nicely folded. Yeah. I thank them very much for that. But no, I'm sure there are people out there that are just maybe a tense relationship or a little bit, Mum, you are so full of shy. Shut up.

That's your mum, Patsy's messaging. She said I could stay at her house. Mum, I don't want to make love with my new husband in your bed. Not on the night of your wedding. No, where are you going to go? It doesn't make any sense. Maybe to fold out social. Chuck on some fresh sheets.

Yeah. All right, so 0800 dials at M. We'd love to take your calls now. You can text as well, 9696. When were your in-laws just a little bit too much? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We would like to know when your in-laws have been a little bit full on. Like the story I shared of a mother-in-law booking the next room to the bridal suite.

That was actually the storyline on the first season of White Lotus, wasn't it? The mother in law was on the honeymoon. Oh yeah! That new season's out next week. Looking forward to that. Interesting that a lot of text messages No one wants to talk. I don't blame them.

Because the texts start with things like my mother in law is the worst. Oh dear, yeah. Like, you know, that's literally saying she's the worst. She'll be listening. I'm just, the producers are trying to call someone. I'm reluctant to read that text out in its entirety. Just in case. I'll go back to some of the older ones and come back to it.

The worst mother-in-law ever. Okay. My mother-in-law hit me because she wasn't getting what she wanted. And now she wonders why I won't let her see our children without supervision as much as she used to. Wow, that's wild. She hit you. She gave an adult a hiding. Yeah.

Yeah. I bloody love my mother-in-law. I'm going to balance a little bit. I'm going to provide some balance. I bloody love my mother-in-law. If my partner and I ever broke up, I would 100% go for her in the divorce. Oh, yeah, nice. That's lucky.

When I split up with my first boyfriend, he told me, minutes after dumping me, I'm really going to miss your parents. Yeah. Wow. I've got good ones. I get it. My parents are cold. They're cold to newcomers.

Yeah. They're icy. They're icy. Fair enough. They're cold. They'll keep it at a distance. No, they're very good. My in-laws booked a celebrant without telling us

and invited people to the wedding without letting us know. No. Would it be nice if we got married by the same celebrant? They thought it would be nice if we got married by the same celebrant as them. It's not their wedding. Yeah. No. It's also her third marriage, not her first.

Jesus Christ. Hannah, how bad are the in-laws? Pretty interesting, not going to lie Okay Yeah So what kind of stuff do they do? So my future mother-in-law Has just a sneaky habit of listening in to our conversations

Oh, a little eavesdropper Yeah, yeah. Does she pick up the phone in the kitchen and hold the mute button? And you just hear this like, mum? Yeah, it's more like she'll go in the living room and start watching her show, but if she hears one of us like slightly talk a bit loud,

the mute button on the TV goes on. Oh, and she's like, do you live with her or is this just when you're visiting? No, it mute button on the TV goes on. Oh, and she's like... Do you live with her, or is this just when you're visiting? No, it's just when we were visiting. Wow, okay. Yeah, yeah. And then does she, later on,

does she kind of weigh into the conversation? No, she would just pretend like nothing had happened, but my fiance and I just know exactly what's going on. She sounds like my kind of gal to me. She's nosy like Vaughn. Yeah, she's a big eavesdropper. Amazing. Hannah, thanks.

You call. Some more messages in. I'm going to go back to my mother-in-law is the worst. Okay. Okay. I'm reading this one. You've had your chance to call them. My mother-in-law is the worst.

She thinks she can do anything she wants to her grandchildren as they are her grandchildren. This includes giving them haircuts are her grandchildren. This includes giving them haircuts behind her back. Oh! Including their very first haircuts,

which is quite a special thing to a mother. Not to mention this woman's been in prison so you're not exactly sure what's happening. Jesus. Look, cast no judgement.

She did her time. She did her time. Yeah. She did her crime. She did her time. But she could stab you with those scissors. She could shank you.

My in-laws booked a flight to Italy uninvited to help my sister and brother-in-law pick a church for their wedding. Oh, get out. When they didn't agree on the church, my mother-in-law threw a tantrum at a hotel dinner table and stormed out. They also came to New Zealand to visit us and did renovations on our house as a surprise.

It was not good stuff. And then changed their flights to go home two days early to Europe because they said they felt unwelcome when we didn't, like, praise them and thank them for the job they did redecorating our house. You know on those Renault shows where they're like, you like horses. So we've made the entire bedroom a horse. Your bed is a horse that you sleep in.

I've seen her wearing red shoes. Everything must be red. The walls are now red velvet. Yeah, they look like blood dripping down the walls. What a beautiful, warm house we've made for you. Where's our thank you? Oh, God. Cringe.

Someone said, don't get me started. My partner and I are trying for a baby. We've suffered a couple of losses. It's heartbreaking, but it won't stop us. My father-in-law, though, took my partner aside afterward and told her a story about how his friend's mother had just got herself euthanized and then left. I mean, I don't know what the story had to do with anything.

We were going through loss and we were like, you know, looking for comfort and then he was like, could be worse. She just had herself euthanized. Oh, no, that's not comforting. You know how old mates sometimes aren't good at comforting? No. Like my dad will always, if you've got a story, he'll relate it to something that happened on the farm.

Oh, like that time. Like that time I was helping that cow calf. The calf had passed. The smell, son, the smell. Oh, God. I don't know. I just kind of made old mates, sometimes they don't know what to do and they try their best to help.

It's not helping. Buying our first house, our in-laws thought they needed to come along to every open home we went to. Oh, get out. Even when we stopped telling them, they kind of worked out what open homes in our area were happening at what time and they'd just be there and be like, oh, fancy you being here.

Oh, we're going to look for you. Yeah, walk around. We were just not good. Mother-in-law insisted I'm being present at natural birth. No. That's a hard no. You're not allowed to stare me in the intimate region. Never mind.

My mother-in-law, my father-in-law has asked her to have a family photo with everybody in it but me. His son and I have been together for about 12 years, so it wasn't exactly like I was new. If I was his son, I'd be like, no way. Like, well, you'd draw the line, wouldn't you? Yeah. So get her in.

I mean, at least put her on the side so if it does break up, they can just Photoshop her out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm always on the side, always on the edge. Put yourself on the edge. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, for a good time, not a long time. Yeah. Yeah, for a good time, not a long time. Yeah.

Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM. Ho, ho, ho. Ooh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Well, today, 57 days until Christmas. 57. Mamma mia.

Tuesday will be November. What? Tuesday. This coming Tuesday is November. Yes, I know. That's not how calendars work. It is. I believe it's April 14th next week. Like, the milk in the fridge all has expiry dates, like, well into November.

That was shocking when I made my coffee this morning. Oh no, I've got expired chicken thighs in the fridge. Damn it. How long have they been there for? How expired? You literally said we went out for dinner at the pub last night. I know. Well, you had chicken in the fridge. I got chicken

in the fridge. Wasteful. Very wasteful. Bugger it. Also, how off is it? Just eat it. Don't get granddaddy with your mints in the fridge. It's it. Wasteful. Very wasteful. Bugger it. Also, how off is it? Also, I just eat it. Don't get granddaddy with your mints in the fridge. It's today, 28th. They say 28th. No, no, no.

It'll be fine. For thighs. For thighs. Slow cook for thighs. What are you talking about? It'll be fine. Slow cook. I don't have a kitchen.

I'm working on an electric fry pan. Okay, get them in there. Let's run through a little... Okay. I'll make this a Christmas themed chicken thigh recipe. Okay. Okay. I've got plenty of veggies in the fridge. Okay, so get them in there. Let us run through a little... Okay. I'll make this a Christmas-themed chicken thigh recipe. Okay. Okay. I've got plenty of veggies in the fridge.

Okay, so get them in there. Get some star... Bones in or just... Bones out. Bones out. Get off. Firstly, star anus. Get some star anus in there.

I was going to go full-blown 1980s My Mum's Rice Risotto. Okay. With pineapple in it. Oh, yum. In an electric frying pan that only does boiling or off. Dude, you're describing every way my mum ever cooked. How are you, you've got to, like what, Christmas mints, you've got to have some Christmas flavour in there,

some cinnamon or some nutmeg, some star anise. It's just going to, when it's finished, it's going to put red and white food colouring on it. It'll look like a candy cane. Okay, look, eat that chicken tonight. It is already a little bit green, I'll be honest put red and white food colouring on it. So it looked like a candy cane. Okay, look. Eat that chicken tonight. It is already a little bit green, I'll be honest. Okay, well, eat that chicken tonight.

Let us know how you go tomorrow. I do feel like chicken tonight. Like chicken tonight. Okay. Do people still use that? I don't know. I've never used it. It seems so big in a jar.

Like, I always use the sachets. Like apricot. Yeah, if you're going to go basic, you sashay. Yeah. Anyway, we're distracted from Christmas. Or're going to go basic, you sashay. Yeah. Anyway, we're distracted from Christmas. Or like the goo in a pouch, whatever that's called. Pouch goo. Yeah, pouch goo.

Pouch goo. I use pouch goo in my chicken stir fries. Okay. I love a bit of pouch goo. I'm a pouch goo guy. Add a bit of coconut milk. Yeah, a bit of pouch goo. Yeah, pouch goo.

Get yourself a curry. You're all good. You get yourself a pouch goo curry. All right, well, Pouch Goo curry aside, 57 days away till Christmas and reports are creeping in. Boy, they sure are, but they won't load in my email. So Merry Christmas, everybody. Have a new year and it's already Easter.

Oh, yeah, your email's a bit busted, isn't it? I don't know what's going on with my email. Carwin sent it. They've moved us to a new group. Oh, Carwin's coming in with the lappy. Yes, please, Carwin. You can save yourself here, Carwin. Nothing's loading. Because you said you couldn't do

prep last night and we all thought, oh yeah. He's lying. I did it. Is it Adele? Oh my god, embarrassing. Yeah, that's so embarrassing. How do you use that? I touched the screen. Okay, now I'm on board. Show off.

Alex says it's beginning to look. Car winner disappeared. It's back. What's your password? It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. The Valentine's Christmas shop officially opened. Oh, that's a big deal. Now, that's the Christchurch department store.

There was a big fire there once. I don't know. Big Ballantines blaze. Yeah, it's a historical event. And they talked about it on the radio and people rushed down to watch it. And that's why Ballantines didn't spend any money

on radio advertising until one plucky young New Zealand broadcasting school student walked in there and convinced them to give it another go. And that's the bullshit story they tell you

when you're in broadcasting school and they're trying to make you sell advertising and you're like, but I'm a student. Why am I raising money for a radio station that doesn't really even exist? Well, they did it. They convinced Valentine's Day. And they'll fail you if you don't sell advertising. That's

crazy. Vaughn's parents had to buy his radio advertising so it passed his course. Oh, God. They took out ads for Smith Farms. I don't know about that. Holly says Christmas advent calendar spotted at the Body Shop in Hamilton. this course. Oh, God. They took out ads for Smith Farms, yeah. I don't know about that. Holly says, Christmas advent calendar spotted at the body shop

in Hamilton. Now, this is well outside your usual advent calendar. You know, your K-Mart's, your supermarkets, etc. Your farmer's. This is in body shop. I forgot about body shop.

Do you get a balm on the 14th? A balm. Day one, balm. Day two, bath balm. Day three, moisturiser for your feet. Legs. Day four, more balm. More balm., balm. Day two, bath balm. Day three, moisturiser for your feet. Legs.

Day four. More balm. More balm. More balm. Day five, guess what? More balm. Day six, seven, eight, nine, ten, soap. I feel that calendar will be balm heavy.

Quite heavy on the balm. It'll be a balm heavy. For parts of your body that you didn't even know required a balm. They should do a stir fry advent calendar. They should do a... A pouch goo. A pouch goo. You got pouch goo. Day one's chicken because you've got to get that in the stir fry advent calendar. They should do a pouch goo. A pouch goo. You got pouch goo.

Day one's chicken because you've got to get that in the fridge. Yeah, yeah. Day two's pouch goo. Day three. Day three's your bok choy. Oh, your bok choy's

got to be in there earlier or go off. Wait, so you're making the stir fry on the last day? On Christmas Eve. It's a Christmas Eve stir fry. Wait, the meat's got to be last then.

No, no, it's got to be first. Pouch goo stir fry. Because you've got to get it out of the advent calendar and put it back in the fridge before it fully defrosts. A pouch goo advent calendar. Yeah, and every day, oh, that's a better idea. Just every day is a different pouch goo. I'm going to find the pouch goo I love because I've got some great pouch goo flavours.

Oh, there's a good pouch goo that's like a hoisin. Oh, yeah. a hoisin garlic. The Wadis, there's a lime and coconut one that's real yum. That's a good one. I just searched hoisin garlic pouch goo and the one who came up, Passage to India, hoisin and garlic pouch goo.

Is that your Passage to Asia? That's not Passage to India. Oh God, I just saw these ones are where it's at. How do you say that brand? Lee Kum Kee. Oh, yeah, yeah just saw E.R. These ones are where it's at. How do you say that brand? Lee Kum Kee. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pouch goo. Pouch goo.

It's good pouch goo. They actually do a bloody good sauce. Full stop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you've got to try Passage to Asia. They've got great pouch goo. It's not even named something very... Passage to Asia.

Hoisin and garlic stir-fry sauce. Okay, okay. They've got a bit of goo. That's a lot of goo. Well, it's quite tangy. Yeah, okay. There's a pad thai goo as well. Yeah, there's good pad thai goo. My goodness.

Goo is where it's at. God, I love a goo. We're getting sidetracked. Ashley says Christmas penetration currently having breakfast at McDonald's. Show sponsor. Oh, thank you for working that in there. Ariana Grande, Santa, tell me it's playing. Oh, too early. It is in there. Ariana Grande, Santa, tell me it's playing. It's too early.

It is October and you can hear it. And they sent a video through of Santa Baby playing as show sponsor. I will remind listeners that when we reach 100% Christmas penetration is when we play Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas. Yeah. Yeah, that's damn right. In full? In full, yeah.

Holy moly. And that is when it is acceptable. Only then. Joel, handsome Joel, beautiful Joel, caring Joel. Beautiful. The first Joel the angels did say. Joel said, not sure if it's been said for Christmas penetration, but Christmas shirts are in JJ's now.

Yeah, but they've been there since last Christmas. They're just on the back. Yeah. At the back of the store. I'm loving this touchscreen, by the way. Wouldn't be very good if you were making a recipe and you had pouch goo on your fingers, though. No.

If you become a Dell man, we're going to have to get another house. I'm not a Dell man. I just think Apple needed to bring out a touchscreen. Okay. Samara says, thought you guys might enjoy this Christmas penetration at Countdown in Vicargo. There's a full-blown Christmas tree out. Baubles and all.

Callie says, Christmas penetration starting in Sainsbury's in Sheffield this week. That's in the UK. When it's been a record 33 degrees and it's still, it's too soon. Did she mention if they have pouch goo in the UK? No, but this is a Christmas pud, which is in sort of a bowl, which is a hard pouch, really, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. No, it's not a pouch.

And finally, somebody said, okay, so last time I heard you mention Easter buns. Yes. Well, I would like to report that it's looking like Christmas, Easter, and all other Christian holidays at Hot Cross Buns at Pack and Save.

Stop it, Pack and Save. Too early. Hot Cross Buns. Pack and Save. Stop at Pack and Save. Too early. Hot Cross Buns. Pack and Save, you naughty, naughty, naughty bunch confusing your holidays. Well, with all that in mind and 57 days away from Christmas. Rudolph, warm up that nose. Right now, Christmas penetration is at... 84%.

It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. A little while ago, what would it be, two weeks ago? I was stopped at a traffic light on the way to work and I took a photo of a sign that I'd never seen before. Now, I come this way to work every day, and it says, average speed check ahead.

And I sent it to the group. It's like a blue sign, isn't it? No, no, it's a white with black writing on it. And it's just on the traffic light. It's quite little too, isn't it? Yeah, but I'm very observant, you see. Yes, you are. So it comes with being nosy.

Yeah. You get a little bit observant. But I was like, what is that? How long's that been there for? And you said, oh, I saw that at the weekend too. Yeah, because I googled it and average speed check ahead is where there's one camera at

the start of the road or the intersection and then one or two intersections later there's another one. They do it a lot with tunnels. Your speed coming in, your speed coming out. And if you're going to do it at the Auckland Waterview Tunnel A, but they haven't yet. Yeah. I think it's been tested.

Point to point. Yeah, point to point. And if you've ever driven in Australia, like there's a lot of these, you drive under a massive motorway gantry and there's like a camera on every lane and it takes you your plate. And then at the end, like two or three Ks later, it will work out your average speed. And if you're over 100 or whatever, you get a tickety-wickety. Tickety-wickety.

Yeah. So today I was driving down the same street that that sign's on, that I've seen since, and Waze, which is the app I use for maps, and I had to explain to Hayley I don't map my way to work. Yeah, I was like, what, don't you know how to get to work? When I plug it into my car, it automatically... Kicks off. It's one of the apps that kicks off.

But it's great because people can, if they see a cop doing a speed check. Or something on the road or there's big traffic. It'll say, this is how long it took the last person using this app to get through. W-A-Z-E if you don't use it. The more people that use it, the better it gets. Yeah. I'm not on the take. It's like Ancestry.com.

Yeah, the more people that use it, the better it works. The more accurate it is. Yeah, and Ancestry.com will also tell you if there's a little bit of a pothole in the road coming up ahead. Yes. But in their version, it's when your ancestor did something horrible. Yeah. Yes. And it said, ding, and it sent me a notification.

It said, speed camera ahead. I was like, what? Where do you think I am? And I looked at the map and there was two speed cameras have magically appeared on this map. Shoot. And I was like, where? Where are they?

And I couldn't see them, but they were like a block and a half apart. So I'm like, oh no. This is one of those ridiculous roads that's 40 kilometers an hour. And I don't go down at 40 kilometers an hour. Well, no, at 5 a.m. Oh, sorry, you get to work at 5.40. 5.40, traffic is stepping in for a little bit more

than 5 a.m., but yeah. But you knew the sign was there weeks ago. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So when it said that there's speed cameras on that road,

I was like, I'll try driving down here at 40. It took so long. Yeah, I know. And it's downhill as well. And if you get green lights and they're all in a row, you're like, let's go. Yeah, right. So you're...

And I understand speed limits are there for a reason or we're on the road to zero, et cetera, et cetera. And I will learn, but I am worried about... I know, but it's not near a school or anything. It's only that because that's a very congested street. But not at 5am. No. So you're thinking you may be getting a few tickets

because your average speed between the cameras... Well, if the speed cameras went up when the sign went up and now it's just been noticed by the app. Two weeks worth. Oh dear. Do you know the trick is like if you drive through the first camera, for example, you're going 100 Ks, you just pull over and just wait 30 seconds.

Yeah, yeah. But then that defeats the entire purpose, doesn't it? Drive 100 and then drive like 5k an hour. That's the average on that. That's how average works. It's still going to take you the same time as driving 40, isn't it? Yeah, the whole way. It's because you clapped in front of your microphone.

It scared it. Did it? Yeah. No, it's off. Oh, my God. It's actually broken. Your microphone's broken. Can you try plugging it in?

It's not working. What happened? Did you clap? She clapped right in front of it and I heard it click. Oh my God. You've broken the microphone. Oh my God. Is it when I was working here now?

I'm so naughty. Yeah, you've just broken a $1,000 microphone. Because I clapped my hands. Yeah. They're very sensitive. Well, they're very sensitive little. I think they should be under warranty. Sorry,000 microphone. Because I clap my hands. Yeah. They're very sensitive. Well, they're very sensitive little. I think they should be in a warranty. Sorry, Producer Jared.

I clapped so hard that my microphone broke. Or is this just another attempt to silent women? He's silencing me again. Are you kidding? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Minutes. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley's Monday Maestros. Well, producer Anna leaves us next week for the sunny shores of Australia.

North Korea, I thought. Oh, North Korea. She's leaving us for North Korea. She's going to go wrangle Kim Jong-un's life. Kim, we need to be here at 9 o'clock, please. Kim, Kim. Oh, my God. You're running late, Kim. You're over time.

You're going to disappear in an awful hole if you keep up that attitude with Kim Jong-un. Okay. Awful hole. I really don't want to go to an awful hole. Well, I don't know where they put dead people. I was just thinking what farmers do. It feels awful hole.

Dig a hole. Yeah, dig a hole. Now, you set us homework for the weekend. We've done things like learn a scene from a movie. We've done the harmonica. We did stand-up comedy. We learned the recorder. We learned pie. What do we. We've done the harmonica. We did stand-up comedy. We learned the recorder. We learned pi.

What do we have to learn over the weekend? Bear in mind, I'm not going to have a lot of time for this. Really? Does it involve driving diggers? Because I'm driving a digger this weekend. How are you driving a digger this weekend? Tom's bringing the digger around to do something. Who's Tom?

He's my friend with a digger. You've never told me about Tom. Well, because I don't want to share him, you see. Will Tom let me be a friend with a digger. You've never told me about Tom. Well, because I don't want to share him, you see. You see? Will Tom let me be a friend? Dude, he's seen you. No, you're not the digger type. I can drive a digger?

No, no, no, no, no. You're more of a driller than a digger. Yeah. Okay. You can manage real, but you can't manage a digger. Yeah, you could have some sandpaper. Yeah. Not too rough a grit, though. No, no, like fine have some sandpaper. I like sandpaper.

Not too rough a grit, though. No, no, like fine grit. Fine grit. 200 grit. I'm a gentle sander. I'm a gentle sander. I'm maybe a 400 grit wet dry, you know? Because that one, I'm hurting himself. Okay.

Bloody hurting himself. All right, well, thanks for not inviting me around to play with the digger. Tom just said what? I didn't say you could drive the digger. Shame! Wow, Tom. Wow, Tom. Wow, Tom. Shame.

It might not be in the same spot. You'll even deny it. He's going to dig himself a hole. Anna, what are we doing? So, on Monday, you will be tested for both your creativity and your performance when you perform a haiku that you have written. Oh, wonderful. I specialise in haikus.

Five. Five, seven, five? Seven, five. I specialise. I specialise. I don't know what you're talking about. Specialise in. The art of Japanese poems.

No, I hate it when people combine the sentence into the next. Yeah, that's not allowed. It's got to be a five-syllable end thought. You've done some Taylor Swift rhyming there. You've got a too long a word. Yeah, you've got lazy with the rhyme. Yeah. Sexy.

Everyone's a sexy baby. Wait, is a haiku certain words? A certain amount? Yes, five syllables. Five syllables. Seven syllables. Five syllables. Well, that would have been nice to know.

Today is so fun. Did you just not go to school? I just would have done a sexy poem. You can do a sexy poem if you want. Haikus aren't part of the New Zealand school curriculum. Yes, they are. No, they're not. Sure they are.

They're in English. No, they're not. We're learning about different English structures. No, they're not. If you're an English teacher, well, I mean, what are you doing listening to the radio? You should be teaching those students. But if you are familiar, is haiku in the English? I don't believe it is.

We in English, the teacher wheeled in the big television on the trolley, and we had to watch that movie alive where they ate each other in the Andes. Yeah, that was dark. We watched that at school too. They had no business showing teenagers there. Very dark. We watched the dramatised version of Anne Frank's Diary. Jesus, that's that.

One more minute. We watched Heavenly Creatures. I got up to the bit where she was stuck in the roof. What happened next? Oh, boy, that's that long? One minute. We watched Heavenly Creatures. I got up to the bit where she was stuck in the roof. What happened next? Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Don't tell me because I'm not finished.

It was like my mum, because when I found out, you know on Friends, Phoebe's like, my mum used to turn off Sound of Music before the Nazis came. Yeah.

And everyone laughed. I was like, what? You didn't realise the Nazis came? Mum used to turn it off before the Nazis came too. Oh. That or it was such a long film We got that and she'd be like go to bed now

I'm excited for this because I think you could look at the haiku As a 5-7-5 as being easy But creativity is what you're looking for It is, yep And you can do any topic that you wish And I'd like it if it sort of summarised Your weekend or sort of involved in your weekend That would be really nice

Are we going to have a poetry expert Judging these or just yourself? sort of summarised your weekend or sort of involved in your weekend. That would be really nice. Are we going to have a poetry expert judging these or just yourself? Hannah Schmenvest will be doing it. Hannah Schmenvest. Okay, I've got, yay, fun. Diggers are great. Help, Tom, I broke your digger. You did diggers as one syllable.

I drove a digger through my new garage. Help, Tom. What will I tell? Tower insurance, Tom. Tom, Tom. Too many syllables. Hey, remember how you just gave that Uber driver five stars because you wanted five stars back? Yes.

Let's do that with this podcast. Oh, yeah. Review it five stars. Tell your friends. And we'll do the same for you if you ever need a review for anything. But where are you giving me my five stars well I don't know do you own a restaurant

or something yes if you give us five stars on this podcast tell us where you would like your review and we'll review even where

we won't even go we'll just review your thing I don't want people to know where my restaurant is I'm doing one of those secret restaurants oh I was going to say because that's exactly

the opposite of how restaurants work.