ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 29th March 2022

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

Top 6: Jokes not to make about Will Smith  Hayleys Budget Update  Hyena, Lion, or Sloth?  Silly Little Poll!Trade Secrets!Vaughans Fire  Fact of the Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe. Try the refreshing McCafe iced coffee. It's available now at Macca's. We're always talking about how hard it is to make friends as an adult. Yeah.

Where do you do it? Where do you go? But, well, to the fence, as it turns out. That's where Professor Jared's made a new friend. He's just telling us about his fence friend. Yeah. It's not a Wilson from Home Improvement top half of the head sticking over the fence situation either, is it? Nah. I've actually made two friends.

We've got a larger lad and a smaller lad. Two boys? Two boys. Very lovely. Very friendly. Very furry. Very friends. Very waggy tails. Cabal of Very friendly. Very furry. Very friends. Very waggy tails.

A couple of woofies. So these are your neighbour's dogs. Yeah, we've never talked to these neighbours before. Okay, but they come to the fence. What kind of fence is it? It's made of wood. It's got planks. But are there gaps between the wood? Yeah, about

pinky finger sized gaps. That's enough to sneak a little biscuit treat through. We haven't fed them. Don't feed other people's pets. No, never. Yeah, so the Middy and I were outside having a vape and then

That is the most romantic thing you've ever seen. We're a super cute couple. You're out there blowing some steam. It's nice that you go outside Yeah, a bit of fresh air, a bit of sun, it's refreshing Freshest of air Breathtaking And I heard a little

Under the fence And I was like, what is that? And I saw a cute little Jack Russell snout I don't like Jack Russells You don't like them? I don't like Jack Russells Yappy wee things Yappy

Because my experience with Jack Russells has been Yeah, they're a bit nippy sometimes But I just threw caution to the wind And shoved my hand under the fence Yappy wee things. Yappy. Because my experience with Jack Russell's has been, yeah, they're a bit nippy sometimes. Nippy and yappy. But I just threw caution to the wind and shoved my hand under the fence, and I felt the nose sniffing and the tongue licking, and yep, besties. Yuck. Besties?

Well, who's the big boy? The big boy is a chocolate lab. Oh, okay. Now we're talking. I'd put my arm through and pat that. He's a bit chunky. They do get chunky, don't they? They just need, need, need, need, need, need. Can you get your hand under enough to give him a big pat?

I can get my, because I've got quite thin arms. Lady hands. Lady hands, delicate feminine fingers. Petite lady hands arms. So I can reach under and give the little one a good neck scratch. Oh, yeah, good stuff. Yeah, the big one's a bit too tall. But he jumps up. So if I stand on the fence, I can like peek over.

Scratch him over, scratch him over the fence. So you've got an under-scratcher and an over-scratcher. Yeah, but I'm worried about the big one because whenever he jumps up, he does it quite forcefully and the whole fence goes. Oh, no. He's a big boy. I mean, he doesn't need that sort of body shaming, though, does he? No, we shouldn't.

If it was to go badly and he fell through the fence, he'd probably really feel sad. I've broken an office chair once. It's not good. It's not good. It's not a good day. It's not good for your self-esteem. Especially now that we've called him a chonky boy on here.

It's probably not very nice. But it's a term of endearment. Yes. For a chocolate lab it is. Not for someone you work with. No, I don't refer to either of you as a chonky boy when I talk about you. That's good. Thanks.

But I will jump up over a fence for a scratch. And a treat. And a tux. And that's why I'm a chonky boy. Oh, you boys. Just a little one? A cringe one? Oh, come on now. Blow the bell.

Funniest one you've heard all day. No, I'll tell you what you will have. You will actually hear Hayley in the podcast today cry and cackle. Yeah, that's why I still feel like I've got the giggles in me anyway. Play ZM's Flex for the Naille. Yeah, that's why I still feel like I've got the giggles in me anyway. Thanks, Lee. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's two minutes past six.

You keep my name out of your mouth. I'm Vaughan Smith. It's a problem that runs in the name. Yeah, from the Smith family. Wild night of the Oscars. Wild Oscars. That was absolutely uncalled for. I wasn't watching the Oscars at all until either one of you put it in the chat,

what had just happened. And I was like, well, this is a prank. This is so clearly some kind of publicity stunt. I thought that until he started. He sat back down and he said, you get my wife's name out of your effing mouth. And I was like, no, that's some rage. He's seething.

Somebody messaged me and said, oh, you know, what would your take on this be? I don't know why that would matter to anybody. But I said, well, you should, like, Chris Rock was just doing his job. He shouldn't have done that. And they said he was defending his wife. I said, yeah, but it was a joke. And they said, yeah, but it's not funny losing

hair. You wouldn't know. I was like, I beg but. It happened to me at 22 and trust me, plenty of funny jokes have been lobbed in my direction about it. Did they message you to debate this or to then have a go at you?

Then they messaged for a hot take. Right, okay. I don't know why. Again, I don't know why. You're a liberal lefty who would have thought assault is just not okay. Yeah.

And I didn't think it was okay. I had to be like, you wouldn't know what it's like to be made fun of for losing hair. I was like, wouldn't I?

I think you've come to the residence of no hairs, Viv. Chris Rock took it so well. I mean, to be fair, like he took a hard slap to the face. It was a slap too? That was a bitch move. I asked Hayley before you arrived at work, Vaughan,

do you think he would have done that if it was Ricky Gervais making that joke? Nah. I don't reckon. Ricky Gervais has made far worse jokes about far more serious issues. Would he have done it if it was The Rock making the jokes about far more serious issues. Would he have done it if it was The Rock making the jokes? Absolutely not.

No. Imagine slapping The Rock. Imagine hitting someone like The Rock. They don't even move. You'd be like, oh, I'm in big trouble now. Big swing.

Huge mistake. I have made a huge judgment of error. The top six are dealing with this Oscars fiasco. By the way, the Oscars committee currently meeting

on an emergency Zoom. Yes, to decide whether or not to strip him from his Oscar of the night. Because he's... Will's breached a whole lot of new protocol they put in about respect, assault, and all that kind of stuff on the back of the Me Too movement. Here's a guy.

Who else was in that category? So, Andrew Garfield, Javier Bardem, Denzel Washington, and Benedict Cumberbatch. Oh, I wonder who will get it. It's a bit like getting a gold after the... Spider-Man. It would be great if Andrew Garfield got it because everyone hated him as Spider-Man and then when he came back on the latest Spider-Man,

everyone was like, you were a great Spider-Man. You deserved a third Spider-Man. He's like, what? We were you guys, you know, seven years ago and then if he won an Oscar now, just a great year for Garfield. You don't get your ceremony. It's like getting a gold after the, you know, seven years ago, and then if he won an Oscar now, just a great year for Garfield. You don't get your ceremony. It's like getting a gold after the, you know, you're on a silver medal and then the gold medalist gets done for doping.

Imagine coming home and it's... And they just give it to you, they post it to you. Yeah, the courier's just left it on your doorstep, unwrapping it in a sad sort of... Chucked it over your fence because they couldn't get it. Well, the top six are dealing with this Oscars fiasco. Top six jokes not to make about Will Smith. We've got a chance for you to win as well, coming up before seven.

Before we do Secret Sound at seven, which, by the way, $50,000, the current jackpot, thanks to Neon. But a chance for you to win a $500 Resene voucher. We're going to do, I'll gain paint at yourself. You've just got to identify the Resene colour. Spent a lot of time on the Resene's website last night myself, actually. Because you're doing all your test patches.

Yeah, we're doing lots of test patches for the colour of our lounge. I was in the bath and Aaron was on the iPad. Right. Sitting on the loo. And you were just looking at colours. Just looking at colours. Still haven't decided yet.

All right, well, your chance to win coming up before seven. Next on the show, pilots have revealed if you're a nervous flyer when the worst time is to fly. See, I'm the opposite. I love when it's the other way around. I love saying, wee! Vaughan doesn't. Vaughan's not a fan. I'm not a huge fan.

Your wife's especially not a fan. Well, she's far, far worse. Play! ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. As well are some pilots. While revealing some insider tips for the Reader's Digest. Oh, did you pick up the local? Do people still read that?

The local copy. How good was the Reader's Digest finding it at like a batch or like a holiday home or a waiting room? Always in the waiting room. I remember people used to always just have subscriptions to it. Yeah. And they'd have like stacks and stacks of Reader's Digest. Yeah. It's still a thing.

It must still be a thing. I haven't seen one for years. So you still have this online. Always had like a good yarn in the bag. A good yarn. Not quite like a punchy short joke, but more of an entertaining story. Well, airline pilots have revealed the time of the day that

involves a less bumpy ride for flyers that are, you know, anxious, nervous wrecks when it comes to flying. Armrest grippers. Yeah. Whereas I'm like you, I love a little bit too. I'm always like, whoa! New Zealand Readers Digest has

absolute fodder for radio content. Read it, whatever you want. Ten valuable items people have found by accident. We'll save that for later. Save that for later. How have we not been looking at this website every night? The 20 most confusing rules in the grammar world. 44 mandala effect examples that are seriously mind bending.

You're blowing all of our prep for tomorrow. The show tomorrow. Tell you what, tune in, it's going to be very good. People are going to tune in for 44 Mandela effects,

are they? Mandela effect. You know the Mandela effect? No. Oh my God. What is the Mandela effect?

You remember something a certain way but it's not the way it was. It was how people thought Nelson Mandela died in the 90s but he didn't.

He died in 2013. And so people would be like, oh, it's Nelson Mandela and they'd be like, no, Nelson Mandela died in the 90s, but he didn't. He died in 2013. Right. And so people would be like, oh, it's Nelson Mandela. And they'd be like, no, Nelson Mandela's dead. And they'd be like, no, he's not. Is that a bit like nostalgia in rose-tinted glasses? No, it's more like some of the great examples, the Berenstain Bears.

Yeah. It's the Berenstain, but everybody called them the Berenstain Bears, so they imagine them being spelt differently. Right. That's the big one. That's the oneerenstain, but everybody called them the Berenstain bears, so they imagine them being spelt differently. Right. That's the big one. That's the one that people always... Oh, thanks, Reader's Digest. Always reference.

And Curious George the monkey? Yes. Tail or no tail? I want to say no tail. Because it's the less obvious, but yeah. He had no tail, but everyone remembers him with a tail. And that's a Mandela effect. Yeah, because everyone's like,

he always had a tail as a monkey, but he didn't have a tail. Or like how Captain Cook was eaten. I think I knew that. And everyone was like, that's what happened. They're like, no, no, no. But was he not eaten? No, he was... They used to just boil down bodies to get rid of them.

Oh, right. And use their bones for things. They didn't eat him. But then, you know, because it happened in the sandwich aisles, everybody thinks he got eaten on sandwiches. Yeah, yeah, he was, got made into a Reuben. Oh, my God, he would have been a good Reuben. He would be a bloody good Reuben.

Oh, no, he'd be a bloody, a leathery old Reuben. He would be a leathery old Reuben. What were we talking about before this? Oh, nervous flies. Oh, yeah. Fly in the morning. Fly in the morning because the heating of the ground later causes bumpy rear and thunderstorms more likely in the afternoons as well.

Fly in the morning, shepherds warning. Sure. Yes. Fly in the PM. Yeah. I mean, let's be honest. You'll be screaming. Screaming, yeah.

We're all flying whenever the cheapest flight is, right? Oh, my God. I would never pick a flight based on turbulence information. Best time for turbulence, yeah. I'd go max turbulence. It's like a free, like,

theme park ride. Sure. I'm always like, I love it when it goes right into your throat. Although, yeah, I've never had one of those long haul flights

where everyone ends up with all their trays and dinner all over them. That might be a scarier proposition. Have you ever been on a plane and the oxygen mask dropped down? Nah. I have once.

I had one just came out. Yeah. Only one. Was it yours? It was like in the seat in front of me. Oh, it's because of this fate really, isn't it? Telling you to strap in. It is.

13 past six next on the show. Let's get sexy. I'm talking sex satisfaction next. Who do you reckon is most satisfied in the boudoir? The male or the female? I'm sure the males always think they are. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

I feel like there's been a lot of research into who's most satisfied in the bedroom, men or women. Yeah. In general, whether they're heterosexual, homosexual, all the sexuals. But who is actually as a gender most satisfied?

And I think most of the time it comes out that men are more satisfied than women. Easy to please. Yeah, self-assured. Less giving perhaps. But this is a new study that actually looks into why that may be and that it may not be that black and white, that like men are having better sex than women

or are more satisfied at the end of the day than the woman. And it looks at two things, and I didn't even know were a thing, intrapersonal and interpersonal. So intrapersonal are things that refer to the internal experience like pleasure. So just the plain goodness that you feel in your bits and it makes you feel all happy inside. Interpersonal are the things that are like connection, romance,

the sharing of a joint experience emotions spiritual so when they measure people's pleasure usually they don't differentiate between the two whereas if you do it finds that men

are more satisfied intrapersonally which is the tingly bits, whereas women put more emphasis on the interpersonal, like the relationships and the emotional connection you get from it. So in order for them to be more satisfied, it's not about the tingly bits. It's about the interpersonal, the sharing of emotion.

It's a broad sweep of the brush, though, because there's some horndog broads out there, aren't there? Oh, yeah. Look, you're staring one right in the eye right now. I was going to say, I'm not even that bad with one right now. Hey, old horndog, sprout. These are sweeping strokes, of course, but they're saying overall. Yeah, right.

In order to increase what we would measure as good sexual pleasure in the bedroom, to increase it, for men and women, in the bedroom to increase it for men and women, you've got to increase a different thing. What sort of things should men be saying in a normal, like, not a normal traditional heterosexual relationship?

I feel one with you? That sort of stuff. Yes, I can see inside your No, no, no, no, I don't reckon that's Soul. Yeah, okay. That's't reckon that's the... Soul. Yeah, okay. That's where I was going with that one. We're connecting spiritually. Yes.

I wouldn't want to hear that said to anybody during lovemaking. She, your breath with my breath. It's a bit Shakespearean. I've got to say I'm with the men on this one. I've been absolutely put off by some interpersonal eye-gazing and word exchanges. This is why homosexual males just get it done.

To intra, intra, intra. Intra, intra, intra. Intra, intra. Into him in this case. Yeah, but then you wouldn't say homosexual females are inter inter inter. Yeah.

Well, it depends. They move in very quickly. Very quickly. Do they? They get inter very quickly. Who is the stand-up comedian? It's Wanda Sykes talking about how, what do lesbians do for a third date?

And they hire a U-Haul so they can move in together. It's an amazing stand-up bit about, bit about how fast lesbians move in relationships. She was at the Oscars. One of the presenters, right? Yeah, one of the presenters. Yeah, yesterday. We're dealing with that in the top six next on the show because of the Will Smith slap. Yeah, the top six things not to make fun of Will Smith for.

From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hey, welcome to today's top six. If you have just awoken from a coma that you fell into, then first of all, fantastic. That's a first step in the road to recovery. Welcome back. Welcome back. Congrats. It's going to be a long road, but we can do it.

There's been a pandemic. I was assuming it had just been like a month tops. Oh, I'm assuming they've been in a two and a half year coma. No, I'm assuming they've been in a three year coma. Oh God, the world has changed. There's been a pandemic and we're on the verge of World War III. They had an accident around like September 2019. Yeah.

And chocolate's gone up. Everything's gone up in price. Everything's gone up. Go back in your coma. I just, yeah. It sounds like, you come back, try again. Put me back under dark. But if you missed it yesterday, Chris Rock, one of the presenters at the Oscars

was, I don't know, doing the usual thing presenters at the Oscars do and go around making fun of like really privileged, really wealthy celebrities because it's nice to watch it and be like, ha ha ha, we can laugh at them too. As we like pour the last bit of chips out of the bag into our mouth and half of it goes down our shirt. And we're like, ha ha, loser celebrities.

But he made a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith. Jada, I love you. G.I. Jane 2, can't wait to see it. All right. I'm out here. he made a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith. Keep my wife's name out your mouth. Wow, dude. Yes. It was a G.I. Jane joke. Keep my wife's name out your mouth. I'm going to, okay? Wow.

Oh, my gosh. It's so full on. It apparently killed the entire vibe. Oh, yeah. If you didn't watch and you're wondering what you're listening to, that is Will Smith walking on stage after the Jada Pinkett Smith joke and, like, whopping Chris Rock across the face. Everybody thought it was a punch initially, but it was a slap. Slap.

Not making it any better. Not a slap. Oh, like a smack. Yeah. And then I'm going back to a seat and continuing to like yell at him from the seat. So I didn't know,

but so Jada Pinkett-Smith has alopecia. Yes. And her head was shaved and the look, because initially Will Smith was laughing, but then I think

when he turned around and saw Jada Pinkett-Smith's face, it was like, oh, okay. She rolled her eyes. Yeah, she kind of goes like not smiling

and she rolls her eyes and like looks at Will and shakes her head. And then like not smiling and she rolls her eyes and like looks at Will and shakes her head and then like it comes back to his rock and then he's on stage launches himself up onto stage

and yeah whacks him so the top six things are not to make fun of Will Smith about is today's top six number six he turned down

The Matrix the role of Neo Keanu Reeves absolutely iconic role I can't imagine anybody else doing it. No, neither. To do the Wild Wild West movie. Wild Wild West.

Wild Wild West. Wild Wild West. You know, the one giant steampunk spider machine. Yeah. Yep. Number five on the list of the top six things not to make fun of Will Smith about. Smith is a really boring surname. Yeah.

You can say that. I can say that. It's my name. It's my people. Because you do have a boring run-of-the-mill name. It's literally my family's name because it's a boring name. A Norwegian relative changed it from Christopherson to Smith when he got to New Zealand because he wanted to,

like, he wasn't supposed to get off the boat in Wellington. So he got off and he's like, my name's Smith. Yeah. You know what they say? You can't beat Wellington on a good day. So he got off and he's like, my name's Schmidt. Yeah. You know what they say, you can't beat Wellington on a good day. That's probably the day he was like, shit, I want to live here. And then the next day the wind was up,

it was cloudy, raining, freezing cold. He's like, I've made a big mistake. I'm Schmidt. Welcome back on Shibalt. I'm Christopherson. Can't make fun of it. Number four on the list of the top six things not to make fun of Will Smith about, that Carlton had the better character development arc in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Wow, you think so? I think so. I think he came a long way. What about the episode where Carlton wants to buy a gun? That's an intense episode of The Fresh Prince. Oh my God, yeah, he's so upset. Why is he so upset? Will got shot at an ATM. That's right. Yeah of the Fresh Prince. Oh my god, yeah, he's so upset. Why is he so upset? Will got shot at an

ATM. That's right. Yeah, they got robbed and he got shot. He's like, I'm gonna get a gun. It was one of those really serious episodes. I loved all the jokes. I loved the serious episodes. I loved all the jokes yesterday. The tie-ins to Fresh Prince. Oh yeah. Got into one little fight and his mum got mad. Yeah. He's moving to his

Indian uncles in Bel-Air. The mum got scared, by the way, not mad. But she would be mad because he provoked this one. I reckon the best meme I've seen is, this is why paper beats rock, because he's got this open, slapped hand. Ah, that's good. That's a good one.

And he says, scissors in there. Yeah. There's no celebrities with the last name scissors, eh? No, what about you? Edward Scissorhands. Scissorhands, yeah. Number three on the list of the top six things not to make fun of Will Smith about. He had an album called Willennium when it was the millennium.

I owned that album too. It was after Big Willie style. Yeah, and it was him looking down. The camera was on the ground looking up. It featured songs such as Will 2K and Wild Wild West made it on as a bonus

but no it wasn't like as good as and then Switch was on the album or maybe we could talk about the Will Smith discography all day but we're not going to don't you think that Robbie Williams should

do a cover of Will and Ianeyore? Yes. Different song. Number two on the list of the top six things not to make fun of Will Smith about the original Aunt Viv

was the better Aunt Viv and he had her fired. Oh yeah, that's right. They changed her out, didn't they? He did have her fired. Yeah. And then both of them have made cameos

in the new Fresh Prince which I haven't watched. I don't need that gritty. And number one on the list of the top six things not to make more fun of Will Smith about, his middle name is Carol. Hang on. No, we're not allowed to. We're not allowed to make fun.

And Will is short for Willard. Willard Carol. Willard Carol. Smith III. No. I'm not lying toard Carroll. Smith III. No. On the line to you. Let me just jump on. Do you want to just confirm that?

Willard Carroll Smith II. The second, yeah, the second. That is today's. Also, he's 53 years old. A little bit too old to be bitch slapping. Yeah. Too old to be bitching. This is awkward. In Wellington, a city councillor has... The minute someone won't confirm or deny anything,

I'm immediately erring on the side of guilt, you know? Yeah. This councillor's name is Sean Rush, and he stands accused of setting up a Twitter account LocalBod1 Okay I guess that means local body politics Yeah, sure

He's a big fan of local body politics This LocalBod1 He set up a Twitter account just to support himself online Okay So what kind of things has he been tweeting? Well, the first tweet as it's written in here, the Spinoff's political editor was unfairly paraphrased Rush at a council meeting.

And then this is in direct reply to that. Right. Leggett was approved. The other guy was not approved as a former Labour staffer. Blah, blah, blah. Well done, Sean Rush. Now, this is Sean Rush apparently tweeting this. When showing

the tweets, are these, you know, is this your account? He said, I'd have to check what it's tweeted to see whether that's appropriate. And then the account was later deleted. Oh, shame. So were there any other tweets? Were they all just praising him? Other, kind of supporting his thoughts on things.

Another tweet from Local Bod is that climate change is massively overstated. If you decelerate for a pedestrian crossing, you will increase your carbon emissions. So run them over? Is that what he's saying? Run them over. So punch it, basically.

Punch it through there. Great Star Wars reference from you. Appreciate that. Don't ever encourage him again. I knew he'd like it. I don't know, I wanted to cheer him up. Male politicians are more likely to receive political abuse and suggesting that Maori co-governance

is not part of the Treaty of Waitangi. Yeah, I don't of Waitangi. Yeah. I don't like this guy. Yeah. So he said, I barely use social media. But everybody's like, well, is this you? And he's like, I don't know. And then the account's gone.

I don't know. But it might not be him. Oh, it's definitely him. Well, it's definitely someone he knows, and he stands accused of doing it. And then he rings, and he's like, all right, mum, it's time to. Well, it's definitely someone he knows and he stands accused of doing it and then he rings and he's like, all right, mum, it's time to shut down the support account. They're on to us. They're on to us.

I used to do this, a similar thing when I first started out in comedy and I would, like if I was doing a show, you know how on show posters you'd have like a star in the making, five stars. I'll just make them up. But everybody, I always assumed everybody does. No.

I mean, you can't probably put like New Zealand Herald because it's a well-known publication. Yeah, but I would. I'd put like proper well-known reviewers, quote, this person. Did they ever? No. No one checks who checks. You just read the post and be like, this got five stars. But then, what if they

read the poster? Because if they're doing reviews and stuff, they might be going somewhere and they'll be like, hey, I never said that about this bitch. They write so many reviews they would never know. Yeah, they would. It's like, I used to do it all the time. It's like interviews with people. Yeah. We just talk.

Like, we just talk to them basically for interviews. But there was a couple of interviews. I remember the Kanye West interview we did years ago. And a magazine said, we'd love to, like, could you type that up? And I was like, oh, God. And then I said yes. You know how I always say yes and then immediately regret doing something? Yeah.

They were like, oh, when's that going to be? And I was like, oh, God. So I just sat down and kind of like wrote it down as I remembered it. And then they're like, oh, cool. Can we get the written transcript? Can we get the transcript? And I was like, what? And they're like, because obviously we need the transcript

because if anybody questions these quotes, I'm like, who's going to question the quotes? Oh, God. So you were making up Kanye West quotes? I just kind of wrote the interview as I remembered it. But him being like, Vaughn, you're a funny guy. Yeah, I like you a lot, man. I like you a lot.

I'm like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Cool, man. Nothing's going to go wrong for you, Kanye. It's a great time to be Kanye. It is. Well, that was prime Kanye. That was prime Kanye. Kanye at the time.

808s and heartbreaks. Yeah. Wild. God, Hollywood's falling apart a 808s and heartbreaks. Yeah. Wild. God, Hollywood's falling apart a little bit, aren't they? Yeah. It really is the equivalent of sending yourself flowers on Valentine's Day. Yeah, it totally is. You're doing a great job.

Well done, well done, well done. Well, two weeks ago, she muttered the words, I'm sticking to this, check in with me in two weeks. And we say this sort of thing all the time and then the producers set reminders in their calendars when they hear us do these sorts of things I can't believe this I genuinely was like

we'll never come back to this and I won't be held accountable Well here's the accountability Yeah here it is, because you're doing renos so you're saving, you're not allowed to spend any money on shopping. Yes, and of course, a couple of weeks ago, Aaron and I sat down and had the very difficult task of confronting the bank accounts and the spending,

putting down a budget of how much we are spending and how much we're allowed to spend. And you admitted at the time, it's all you. It's all me. He doesn't spend any money. You are the outgoings. I'm the outgoings. And yeah. He doesn't spend any money. You are the outgoings. I'm the outgoings. And yeah, he doesn't spend anything. And then me and Aaron

had said, we'll check back in in a couple of weeks and we'll update the numbers based on what we're actually spending. And then like we haven't done it, but somehow you guys have remembered that we said that. And so here we are looking at the budget. Now, I have opened

mine and Aaron's joint account just to have a little look at where the money's going. I will say we're on task for the savings goals. We have been doing that. We have been doing some savings, but we've also been doing some spendings. And I've opened my personal account as well because that's where I do my secret spendings. Okay. So actually looking at our account, it's not too bad. I mean, my family was just here.

So I can see the words Halatao, Halatao Brewery, Halatao Brewery, Halatao Brewery four times. To be fair, that is tantalisingly close to your house. It is very close to my house. I mean, white book when that's a five-minute walk. It's really good. I mean, there's a lot of food here. Toshi sushi.

I mean, that's right next door to work. What am I going to do? It's a proximity thing. Walk further? It's cheap as chips. What are you going to do? Starve to death? There's my Sharesies investment.

Now, I know that that looks like an outgoings. But that's a big incoming. That's a big incoming. So I played the long game on that one. Yeah, right. Okay. Okay, Hell Pizza Cumeo. I have no memory of that whatsoever.

There's another pub. There's a pub. So that's... It's not bad, but it's not great. But that's in your secret account. No, no, this is in my honest account. Oh, right, in the honest account. Jesus. What's in the secret account? We'll just pop over to the secret account.

Oh, yeah, that one was bad. There is a bad one in here by the name of Moochie. Jesus, that's a real Achilles heel of yours, isn't it? It really is. So that one's just sitting in there. But the real...

Let me tell you about the time Shaday applied for a job at Moochie and bought one of their cardigans to wear to the job interview. Didn't get the job interview and I made her return the cardigan. I was like, A, you're never going to wear that. B, it's insanely expensive. Yeah.

And C, you only bought it for the job interview. And she was like, I totally returned it. And she'd get the money back? Yeah. Oh, okay, sweet. Oh, God. So not going well then. Not going well,

but I reckon still going better. The real proof in the pudding will be when Aaron and I sit down and put in the numbers based on what we've budgeted and what we've actually spent in the last two weeks. Do you think he'll remember? Why are we talking? He's probably listening this morning. I could

have got away with this. And now I've just said that I've spent beep amount at Moochie. We've all had that sort of lame chat of, if you were an animal, what animal would you be? My answer is usually a bird flitting around. What kind of bird? Like a fantail? No, because you could be taken out by a cat when you land for some bread.

Yeah, I could. Always got to be on guard. But just like high flitty energy. Right. Never resting. Get that bird's eye view. Got a good bird's eye view. Yeah.

But actually, a guy called Terry Blackburn, he's a personality expert and an author of the book Be a Lion, says that all humans are one of three animals. Okay. They are a lion, a hyena, and a sloth. Ooh. Sloths are pretty cute. Sloths are cute. What about that video that came out last week of that guy ziplining

and a sloth was on the zipline? Oh, my God, on the line? He just cracks into the sloth and the sloth turns around like, hey, man, I'm here. Chill out, man. So before I tell you what makes a person a lion hyena or sloth and how they might want to be more like the thing that this guy Terry thinks we should be.

Which one do you immediately think that you identify with? Well, I don't want to be a hyena. They're bad, aren't they? And a sloth is just lazy, surely. But they're cute. I reckon I'm a hyena. Yeah. Like a lion, I feel.

Lioness or lion? Because lions are lazy, but lionesses, they do all the hard yards. They do all the hard grass. Lions are the big daddy, aren't they? They haven't specified lion or lioness. I guess maybe I'm a lioness and you're a lion. Yeah, I think they do the lion's share. Well, so figuring out, if you figure out which one you are,

a lion, a sloth or a hyena, it's the key to a better life. Really? Okay. So a lion, king of the jungle, of course. They are the dominant animals in many locations and habitats. They live the life they want on their terms. They don't have any self-doubt, worries or issues.

They dominate their lives and do whatever they want, whenever they want. Super successful people tend to be lions. Right. Maybe this is a bit of a lion's den right in front of me. Looking at us. Hyenas are not what you want to be. Oh, see that's what I said.

I said I didn't think you'd want to be a hyena. Yeah. Because aren't they like, what are they like in the actual animal world? Scavengers. They're scavengers aren't they? Oh yeah, they're awful. Come in for the, you know. Now he says that hyenas, while not what you want to be, you have to look in the mirror and say, am I a hyena? Okay. Hyena.

They're always laughing and making fun of other people. They're sly and manipulative, not trustworthy, and they're not kind. And they aren't the kind of people that you want to be around. I'm sure we can all think of people like this, perhaps in our life. They call them mood hoovers. Mood hoovers. And then the third, of course, is the sloth. And you can probably guess what this is. They're lazy, so laid back, they're almost horizontal. They don't know what life is about.

They never really amount to much. They're just going through the motions. They're just going through the motions to just get by. And they say that being a lion, hyena, and a sloth can affect every part of your life, from your health to your relationships to your work. But the whole thing is, and I did say at the top that this man wrote a book called Be a Lion. He says everyone should be a lion.

Right. We should all be a lion. Yep. He says everyone should be a lion. Right. We should all be a lion. And he said the steps to becoming a lion, let go of self-doubt. Don't let failure get you down. Try, try and try again. I don't like this guy. I don't like this.

There's got to be some more animals. Have quiet confidence in yourself and what you do. Embrace teamwork and ask for help when you need it. Look out for poachers. Ditch comparisons. Do what you want to do for help when you need it. Look out for poachers. Ditch comparisons. Do what you want to do, not what you should do. And then it gives you tips on how to deal with hyenas like myself. Are you saying you're a hyena?

I always laugh at other people. You're a mood hoover. I'm a mood hoover. I'm not ashamed of being a mood hoover. There's laughing, but there's laughing at other people in a derogatory, like punching down sort of way. Yeah.

Yeah. I want to be the good, the best part of the hyena. Yeah. Without being a lion. No, no, we're all going to be lions. I don't want to be a lion.

It's the only way forward. It's the key to a better life. Lions sounds like they post motivational comments on Instagram. I don't know where to go from here. I'm a bird. I'm not even,

I'm not even in the categories. Yeah. And no aquatic animals because I've always thought dolphin would be a bit of a hoot. Yeah. Dolphin would be a hoot. Like swimming alongside a boat and everyone's just hanging over taking photos of you. Yeah. You do this all day.

Then you get to go home and have a little bit of. Well, yeah, because they do for fun, don't they? Just for fun. Just for fun. Anyway, guys, be a lion. Go out today. Or be a bird and just sit on the lion. Yes.

Because they always sit on the lion, don't they? And they eat the ticks, don't they? Yeah, they eat the ticks. It's sort of a symbiotic relationship of sorts. You're like a mood hoover tick eater. Mood hoover tick eater. I'll take it. Time for our silly little poll today, all about hall passes. Yeah, there was an article on a British website saying

are hall passes ever a good idea? I mean, are we talking a hall pass in that I'm actually going to cash this in? My hall pass is all Johnny up the road. Yep, this is what this relationship expert says. It can feel sexy and liberating and gives couples a chance to discuss their desires openly and honestly. However, if you do offer them a hall pass, you may never truly know how you both feel about monogamy until it actually happens. It changes the relationship dynamic irreversibly.

That was one of my favourite tweets after the Will Smith slap yesterday is somebody tweeted, open relationships seem healthy. It's going well, isn't it? It's going well, isn't it? I was like, it's going okay. Yeah. I always see hall passes as being that unobtainable celebrity. Like a fantasy. Yeah, the person that doesn't even live in New Zealand.

You know, like. Not just one of the other mums you see at school pick up. Yeah, because then that's an issue because that could happen. That'd be bad if you were sitting around with your partner and then saying like, who's your hall pass? Let's do it. And I'm like,

it's Stephen Adams. And Aaron's like, it's your best friend, Jess. Wait a minute. What? Stephen Adams? You love tall men, don't you?

Jason Momoa. That big energy. Big boy energy. Do you and your partner have hall passes? Is the most overwhelmingly one-sided, silly little poll we have ever done. 94% of people said no.

Wow. Said no. So that's the ones, there's 6% out there that do. But again, they could be unobtainable celebrities. Totally. Or they could be open relationships which are growing and growing in popularity. Rachel, did you see that? What? Are you having a...

I might be having an aneurysm or something. That light just absolutely must have been me. It didn't look quite right. So you were faux out there. I think I just saw an angel. Jesus, is this a sign? Wow. Yes, it is.

Coming up next, we've got Jesus on the show. It's not Jesus. That reminds me, I need to finish Righteous Gemstones. Oh, yeah, is it finished? I don't know if it's finished yet, but it has. I'm banking it. It's a show that I've got to sit down and watch as quickly as possible. It's so funny.

Righteous Gemstones. Is that on Neon? It is. Sponsored with The Secret Zone. What a coincidence. Your chance to win $50,000. I'd like to call this one. Rachel writes back to Hall Pass.

This is not me seeing angels. Rachel writes, yes, but unattainable celebrities only. Again, this seems more of like a, this is who I consider hot, rather than this is something I will one day act upon. Mel said, absolutely not. I'm way too selfish. Too selfish? Like you wouldn't want to, it's that thing of like,

you could do it with someone else, but watching your partner do it with someone else. Oh, no, I think she was just like, she doesn't want her partner even getting this silly idea in their head. Yes. Right. Yeah. Sarah said, yes, but only for celebrities.

We'll never meet. Yeah, exactly. Sam said, my husband's is Megan Fox. Oh, update. How often are you allowed to update your hall pass? Oh, all the time. Yearly meeting? Yeah, I think you've got to have an AGM with minutes.

Yeah. Yeah, sit down, update the whole. So Sam said, my husband's Megan Fox. It always has been that, and I'm 100% okay with it, only because it'll never happen. He got excited when she was single, but of course now she's with Machine Gun Kelly. And what more could you want out of a man than Machine Gun Kelly?

Machine Gun Kelly. I find those two. I mean, if your husband looks like Machine Gun Kelly, he's got to have felt good about it. There's a possibility it could have happened. Intolerable. Yes, I find them intolerable. Caitlin writes,

if you want a hall pass, you don't want the relationship. No, that's not true. Wise words from Caitlin. That's not true because... Everybody's got a little... Celebrity crush. Yeah, but that's not all.

A hall pass is actually giving your partner the permission. No one thinks their husband Barry's going to hook up with Megan Fox. Look, it's 2022. You know, relationships are ever-changing in structure. Yeah. I also don't think we should use, again, Megan Fox as an example. Personally. She had Brian Austin Green from Beverly Hills 90210. The original. Yeah.

It's a heartthrob of the 90s if I've ever seen one. Anne-Marie writes yes, but only international celebrities. So the likelihood is zilch. Yeah. He tried to put a New Zealand celebrity on the list and it was struck. What celebrity?

I'd love to know. Rachel Hunter. Could be. Suzanne Paul. I was thinking Dame Susan Devoy. Oh. Squash court fantasy. Perhaps Elisa Carrington. Yeah, maybe.

New Zealand celebrities on the list. I'd like to hop in her canoe. Whoa. She just got married like to hop in her canoe. Whoa. She just got married last week. Leave her alone. Oh, yeah. Somebody messaged in. My husband and I both have the same hall pass, the same person.

Well, that makes it easy if that happens. Samantha Hayes from 3 News. It's all good. We're in Christchurch, so no chance. She travels. She absolutely travels. I don't know. Sam might want her.

That's wild. A little bit of excitement from three news. Could be exciting. There's got to be a compliment to Sam Hayes. Oh, absolutely. Oh, she's stunning. Yeah, she's both sides of the fence, you know. Play. ZDM's Flet of the fence, you know. Now, you know me, Isla.

I'm pretty filterless. I don't hold back when it comes to talking about me, myself and I. Yeah. But yesterday I probably crossed a line. So we are doing some renovations on our house and our friend, and he is a friend but he's also a handyman and he's been over sort of helping us with bits and pieces

and yesterday I had my Zoom I'm doing like a three month thing with a nutritionist. Because you've got some I've got some gut health issues. Yeah. Some it's not working down there. I'll tell you what, that kiwi fruit will help.

You've got a gold zest. You've got a zest through there. Oh, my God. I am so relieved that kiwi fruits... Kiwi fruit? Kiwi... The gold ones are back. Kiwi fruits are back.

Because we've both been looking out for them at the supermarket anyway. I know. I'm going to eat the gold one as is, skin and all. Yeah, skin and all. Because fibre is my issue. You know, like I'm... You need more fibre. Yeah, I need more fibre.

But I put the green ones in my smoothie to really sort of run it through me. Skin on in the smoothie? Always. What are you doing taking the skin off? No, no, that's good. I learned that in my 20s actually, eating the kiwi fruit skin and all. Great. Oh, you have to.

Cleans you right out. It's like running a scurrying brush. I don't like eating the knobbly bits. Always cut those off. Yeah, but in a Nutribullet, it's absolutely fine. Stickers are fine in the Nutribullet too. Yeah. So anyway,

with my nutritionist, for the last couple of sessions we've had, we touch base every two weeks. The conversation is often around, and I love how they call it this, bowel movements. And how are your movements?

How are your bowel movements? And we get into it. We get absolutely down to a T. And then I was in the sphere room having a chat with her about my bowel movements for the last two weeks, of which I keep a diary. You keep a diary, a poo-poo diary.

Happy to share, happy to share. Does he have it online? Whatever. The FVH Instagram. What went through an entry? Time? Just consistency. So you use the Bristol stool chart?

No, I don't use that. I just describe it in sort of layman's terms. Okay. Well, I mean, there's a chart with seven different types of defecation and you can identify it. No, no, no, no. I can't be bothered with no charts. Okay. But I'll say the day, the time.

The vibe. How long it took. The vibe. The vibe. Vibe check. The vibe. Okay. Anyway, and so I was updating her and she was like, you're just doing it all wrong.

And started to tell me about how I'm pooping wrong. How are you pooping wrong? You sit on the toilet. I'm going too quickly. I'm putting in too much effort. Right. I've got my feet on the ground. What do you mean your feet on the ground?

My feet are always on the ground. Elevated feet. You've got to elevate your feet. You've got to get as close to a squat as possible. This was Pete Evans' first toe dip in the pool of crazy. Yeah. Was it? Yeah, he did the poop stools.

The stool stools where you put your feet up. You've got to get your feet up. Because as humans, apparently, we're involved just squatting. Squatting in the ditch and dropping a deuce. If you go travel in Asian countries, you have to squat over the holes. My nutritionist literally said to me, those toilets are the closest to how we should actually be doing it. But, you know, not every house in New Zealand has one.

No. So you have to create the thing. So she was like, you need to get a stool under your feet. You need to take your time. Just like block out some time, you know. Right. I was like, oh, no, no, no. And she was telling me, it was around the moment that she was telling me about how to relax my,

oh, look, it's a medical word, it's sphincter. Okay. Right. That my, I sort of noticed outside the door that my friend had been standing there sanding this patch of the roof. And I was like, he's absolutely heard everything. And so I just peeped open the crack of the spare door and he was absolutely laughing.

He could have been standing somewhere else, though. I reckon he was interested because maybe he wants to start keeping a doo-doo diary. Maybe. A doo-doo diary. Maybe. But look, now I feel like we're closer than ever. He knows all about it. He knows all about it.

So what are you off to Kmart to buy a stool today? No, well, actually, it's good. Underneath my bathroom thing, because we don't have any storage at the moment, pre-reno, I've got baskets of, like, you know, cosmetics and stuff. So I'm just going to pull one of those out and pop my feet up. And then, you know, maybe put on some Enya. Right. And light a candle.

Maybe watch a show and just take it easy and breathe. She literally told me to breathe. Breathe while I poo. Two tunes. Breathing. Take your time. Yeah. Elevate your feet. Ele take your time. Yeah.

Elevate your feet. Elevate your feet. Okay. Close the door. Enjoy yourself. Don't push. Well, definitely close your door. The build is there. Oh, absolutely.

Probably taking the door off the hinges. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I want to ask now if there's something at your work you've got to keep telling customers not to do, like hook up in the changing rooms. Or there would be like flight attendants. Like get out of the bathroom. Sure.

Or put your tray table up. We're about to land. Or wear undies when you're trying on underwear. You worked in retail. Was that a thing? Do you ever have to tell anyone? No, we didn't sell undies. No, not too bad.

I mean, like smearing makeup on things. You'd always like, I worked in a fancy place that had like a little kerchief, you know, that you're supposed to put over your face and then pull the clothes down on top so you don't just like. Oh, so you don't get makeup. A fancy kerchief? Have you never heard? I've never heard of a kerchief.

Welcome to women's retail. So you'd always have like a silk kerchief that you'd put over your face. You mean like a hood, a silk hood. It should be like a hood. It's like a whole bag. It sounds like a hood. It's like a little scarf and you put it over your head

and then you pull the clothes on that you're trying because you're only trying and then people just like smear makeup all through the place. So you'd always be telling customers to do that? Please use that. Especially if I could see that they were wearing a lot of makeup and be like, there's a kerchief in there.

Well, this woman on TikTok, now this is in the UK at one of those, you know, those big pharmacies they have, but they sell everything. I thought it was in America because it was CVS. Yeah, CVS. I said in America. What did I say? You said the UK.

Oh, sorry, the US. I thought CVS had branched out with their giant receipts. Oh, my God. I love CVS. When I've been to America. No, what about their receipts? You can buy like two litre bottles of vodka. Two and a half litre bottles of vodka.

Well, that's medicine. And then you can buy giant bags of M&M's, but then you can also buy like cold and flu meds. All medicine for the soul. It's like a supermarket, but chemist in one, eh? Yeah. Wild place. Supermarket on crack.

But anyway, they've got one of those, you know, warehouse stationery, Harvey Norman, a lot of the places have them where you can print out your digital photos. Yeah, you go in, you put in a little chip. USB or you Bluetooth them from your phone. This woman on TikTok who works at CVS has said, please stop printing your nudes.

We see every single photo. Because I don't know if they have to trim the paper. Well, they print them and they come out. Yeah. The thing. But don't they just come out in a big wad and then they put them in the... Where are you supposed to print them?

No, they couldn't come out in a big wad. They'd have to come out one at a time because if they just landed on top of each other when they're a fresh print, like if you want a nice

matte print, it'll be sticky. So you'd have to be like one... Yeah. I mean, I'm just assuming because, you know, even then when your photos

get warm later, sometimes they get a little tacky. Yeah. Well, she's had to warn people, say, look, please don't print your nudes at CVS. She captioned the TikTok, please, it's 9am, Lauren, I can't do this. So I don't know what Lauren was getting printed.

But why are they printing nudes? But where is one to go if they want to print a nude? Well, I think if you're going to print a nude, you've got to get a good home printer with photo paper. What if you want to send it to a sailor at war? You know, and you want to give him something to pin up in his... He's got WhatsApp, I assume. Just send them digitally

like everybody else. And if you're too old to be able to send them digitally, no offence, too old to be sending them. So, I don't know if this is a thing here in New Zealand, if anybody's ever worked at like a photo printy store place. Yeah, what have you seen?

Have you seen this? But like is there something that you have to tell customers to stop doing in your line of work? Something like this. Producer Jared just messaged a group chat saying, I have to tell them to wait for the activator to play before calling for Secret Sound. Because what? People are calling early for Secret Sound. I'll just wait on the phone, mate. I'll just wait for the activator to play before calling for Secret Sound. Because what?

People are calling early for Secret Sound. I'll just wait on the phone, mate. I'll just wait on the phone. You carry on with your show. I'll just wait on the phone. I definitely know it. All right. So in your line of work, maybe it's retail or your job,

you deal with customers. What do you always have to tell people to do? We asked you, what do you have to keep telling your customers not to do after a woman has gone viral on TikTok, having to tell customers, please don't print your nudes at the chemist? Apparently they can see them all on their little screen. I can see your baby maker. Or when they sort them out.

Sophie, what do you have to keep telling customers? To put the right end of the COVID swab up their nose. Ah, Jesus Christ putting it up there? Well, I unwrapped the whole packet for them to grab the swab where you're supposed to grab it. But somehow they grabbed the swab, the bit that goes up your nose, and they put the wrong bit up there. It's like watching a drunk person try to light the wrong end of a cigarette. It's a bit of a hoot.

Yeah, and sometimes they just say, oh, well, here, and then they turn it over so I have to grab the bit where they've just put their snot. Oh, so you're grabbing now is the snot stick. No, that's not in these times. This doesn't give me a lot of hope for people home testing with a rapid antigen test. Oh, yeah, you think our daily numbers are 10,000 a day?

I don't think so. Not with that many stupid people. Well, yeah, you think our daily numbers are 10,000 a day? I don't think so. Not with that many stupid people. Sophie, thanks. You call some messages in. An ECE, an early childhood educator, messaged in saying, in the last week I've had to say, don't lick my leg while I'm reading to the class. And then I had to say to the next kid, I'm serious,

don't lick my leg while I'm reading to the class. And then it was like a line of children all wanting to lick the leg. Do you think it's like a cat though? Maybe the teacher's salty Or maybe she's got long legs She's exuding a mineral And the children need the minerals That's weird

I worked at a warehouse station Years ago and an older couple came in Wanting to print photos off and needed a hand I don't think they realised the memory stick They had bought and was full of a photo shoot of them both doing nude poses in the garden. So we had to scroll through all of them together to get to the photos they actually wanted printed out. You select them, don't you?

Yeah. It's like when you go to show someone a photo on your phone. You're like, sorry, sorry, hang on here a little. You know, when you're like, oh, I want to show you a photo of my cat. And have to scroll past all your nudes first. Wrong one, wrong one, hang on, hang on here. I used know when you're like oh I want to show you a photo of my cat and have to scroll past all your nudes first wrong one hang on

hang on I used to work at a photo lab so I can tell you that yes each photo is viewed as it's printed and again to sort

and check colour once printed and dried that's why they tell you to come back because they don't want to give it to you before it's dried itself we've got heaps of nudes

and terrible amateur stuff. We all had a look and a laugh so we know who you are. We put a double sticker on packets so we don't open that packet at the counter on collection. So if you see someone collecting photos and it's in an envelope and it's got multiple stickers on it

or more stickers than you get, you can assume there was something in there that they didn't want opening and exposing to other customers. I would, though. I would be like, do you want to just check those over? Make sure you're happy with the quality. Maybe you want to see... But why are these people printing them out when you can view them on your phone or your laptop?

To frame and put on their walls. I do. I work in a food manufacturing plant and need to keep telling people to stop spraying the computers and printers with high-pressured hoses while cleaning. I guess they just assume if the printer's in the room where the

things happen, it needs to be cleaned and that's the best one to clean. Keep away. I work in waste collection. I collect recycling and I constantly have to tell people that glass is separated in the Bay of Plenty and that food containers need to be cleaned and soiled nappies aren't recycling. It would give me great pleasure just to open the lid in the bin,

slap one of those stickers on it. You know where they cross the little mark of why your recycling wasn't collected? Yeah. I used to work in an electronic shop. People would come in wanting their cameras fixed and I would start telling them, so before you do, you should take all the photos off. Yeah. And I said this, and if you don't know anybody else,

it wasn't me, you should take all the photos off. But nope, every single time you'd go into the camera and they'd try to show you what went wrong and you'd get an eye full of all of their pictures as well. I work at a doctor's office. I'm constantly having to tell people that if they have or their children have COVID that in fact

no they can't just wander into the practice there's a special protocol for that wow I'm a courier I have to constantly tell people no I don't know what's in their package

oh where's this from what's this one what did we got here where's that man oh that's great play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley play ZM Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM.

Fletchford and Hayley's Trade Secrets. Well, last time for Trade Secrets, we talked to a pilot. Pilot Captain Phillips. Got all the goss, didn't we? Yeah. What it's like to be a pilot and your questions to that pilot. Today, we're looking into funeral directors. Yes.

It's a very curious industry. We asked you on Instagram, what do you want to know? What have you always wanted to ask a funeral director? And now we've got on the phone, honestly, New Zealand's most famous funeral director from the Cascadiers, Francis Tipene. Morena, Francis.

Morena, Hayley. Morena. Morena. Morena to you all. Hi. Lovely to have you on the show. We're going to get from you all of your insider secrets. Yeah, the trade secrets.

I have to say, it's one of the most sort of curious people want to know. It is fascinating what happens to loved ones and ourselves after we die, I guess. Have you always found that? People have got sort of a, it's not even a morbid fascination really, is it? No, I think it's just more curiosity. Like what actually happens? A lot of people say, what happens behind the doors, you know, when their loved ones come

into our care? And being able to expose it and share it a little bit more in a sensitive manner has been really positive, I would say, you know, 90% of the time for lots of people. We've got a lot of questions for you this morning. What would be the number one question when you're out,

like if you were at a bar or something and someone recognises you from the TV, will you say what you do? Mine is if they don't already know me and I'm meeting someone here, so I will talk and they say, what do you do? And I tell them I'm a funeral service, a funeral director, and then 90% of the time we change the subject, they don't want to talk about it anymore. Really? Yeah, people are like, oh,

that's morbid, and then change the subject. That's when I don't know, but usually nowadays a lot of people sort of know. Oh, you're from the funeral show. I'm like, yep, yep, yep. You're famous. What surprised you the most when you started doing it? What was one thing that you'm like, yep, yep, yep, sort of thing. You're famous. What surprised you the most when you started doing it?

What was one thing that you were like, whoa, that's very surprising? Yes, what surprised me the most is that the bodies didn't get deep-freezed. I thought they go into a freezer, get frozen, and then pulled out and then put into a casket, but that wasn't the case. Where did they go? We put chemical, like a balmy fluid, into the body. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, and because every time you touch them, they're always cold and hard.

And I thought it was from the freezer. But it's not. It's just a natural occurrence when obviously you've got no warm blood. Of course you're going to go cold. And so that's what happens. When you mentioned embalming, how long does embalming keep someone looking, you know? Fresh, yeah. So we'll ask the family how long they would like to keep the body.

So we've had bodies here for six months, three months, three weeks, two days. So it's all dependent on the factor. So with the COVID and quarantine, we were holding bodies for six months, three months, so you embalm accordingly. And so that would take, for a six-month hold, it might take us a couple of days. We'll slowly do the injection and the preparation. But for a three- or four-day funeral, it might take two and a half to three hours to prepare someone.

When you're storing bodies like that, like you say, you know, people having to put funerals on hold, where are you keeping them all? We just keep them in the viewing rooms because they're already dressed and in their caskets. So after the body has been embalmed, there's no need to keep it in a cool room or in a fridge. Somebody wants to know what happens to people's jewellery when they're cremated? Because, you know, someone might want their wedding ring on, I guess.

Yes, so we encourage families not to cremate jewellery. Take it off and keep them as heirlooms because the jewellery will probably, once someone's cremated, we only take the bone and the bones that are left behind get cremulated or broken down into a fine dust, into a fine ash, and that is what you get back. So you don't actually get back casket, clothes,

plastic, flowers or jewellery. You get back bone and that's why if anyone's ever held ashes, cremated ashes of their loved one, you'll find it quite heavy and dense. Yes. Because it's just bone. Everything else gets biffed into the bin. So I'll leave that for you to ponder on.

For you, how do you deal with the emotion of it all? Because you'll be carrying a lot of people's emotions. They'll be leaning on you. How do you go home at the end of the day and kind of refresh? Yes. How do I do that? Talking to my wife, playing with the

kids. Ten years ago I honestly could have been put into a mental hospital. I just went crazy. I just lived such a sad life. I was so sad for everyone that died. But I've learned new techniques with work.

And that grief is not my grief. And I will not own it and I will not have it. I'll go home to my children and wife who are alive and well and live life. I used to just take it all home and go, oh, darling, today I buried a five-year-old child and it's just too much. You know, it just ate away at you. And I was like, wow, I'm going to be a mess. So I learned ways on how to deal with it. And I think all funeral service staff, we all go through the training on how to deal

with not owning and taking on grief. Yes, you can care and love for someone, but it's a lot to not own it because, man, it's easy to fall into that trap. People struggle not to take their ordinary jobs home with them. And there's not the emotional buy-in that you would have as a funeral director. True, true. So that's what we do. So it's just home is home.

We have all the same issues like any other family. Children screaming, crying, homework to be done, rubbish to be taken out, and just the normality of life is all I could ask for at home. Gets you out of it. Yeah. What is the most unique request you've had for a funeral? Yes, the most unique request is I've had a lady

already buried at a cemetery and the late husband died and wanted to be lowered, you know, in the same grave on top of his wife, but he wanted to be turned upside down so he could be looking at his wife on top. Oh, yes. So he wanted to be face down. Face down in a casket.

Yes, yes. And upon asking the family, why would we do that? I could leave that answer to your imagination because it had been such a long time since he'd seen his wife. He wanted to be on top of her in that manner. Yes. For the rest of eternity. What?

She's got no chance to get off me. And I honestly thought they were joking. I was like, oh, that's so funny, but no, it's not. It was the truth. No, serious. And I thought, goodness me. So anyway, after asking the council staff, because it's a council cemetery, they declined.

Because, you know, the sound and what if he fell out through the lid and the screws wouldn't hold on. It would be a disaster. Oh, right, so he was still face up in the casket. The whole casket was upside down. I thought that you'd just put him face down in his casket. No, no, no, he has to go in a casket. So you'd have to turn the casket over.

When we turned it over, we'd hear a big thump because his head would hit the lid. Oh, no, Francis. Francis. It would be awful. So I didn't want to do it, but thankfully the cemetery said, be thumped because his head would hit the lid. Oh no, Francis. Francis. So I didn't want to do it, but thankfully the cemetery said, no, you cannot do that. And so I was like, look, let's just let their souls

be together in heaven and do what they need to do up there and let's just rest their physical bodies, you know, the right way up. I'm sure in heaven they can absolutely go at it. For the rest of eternity. Mamma mia. Of course.

Oh, wow. It certainly takes a special kind of person, Frances, to do the job that you do. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that with us this morning. Really appreciate it. No worries. Thank you all.

Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley, have a good day. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Yesterday a good day. Yesterday, I didn't even mean to do this. I didn't set out to do this. This whole afternoon unfolded purely by coincidence. Okay. Because I always carry a lighter and a knife.

Yep. Because you never know. That's why. You never know what what And how many times When you need a lighter Candle Have we been at Airport security

And you've had to Post that back Or you get your lighter Confiscated Yeah You don't even smoke No but you never know You might need to

Melt something Settle something You just never know Knives and lighters Super handy So yesterday I went out into the paddock And Hermione

Our cow Who by the way People A lot of people ask me, do I know if she's pregnant or not? I'm not 100% sure. Question, could you get one of those pregnancy tests from the supermarket and get her to weigh on it? Get her to weigh on it? Would that work?

Don't know. I believe cows and women are slightly different. Oh, I would. And distinguishable. And distinguishable. Have you seen a woman? I have. And have you seen a cow?

I have. Name for me five differences. One's on two legs, the other's on four. That's the only difference. One has skin, one has hide. One's a cow, one's a human. I can't tell the difference between cows and humans. I don't see species. One has skin, one has hide. One's a cow, one's a human. I can't tell the difference between cows and humans. I don't see species.

One has a tail, one doesn't. You can get little pregnancy tests, Vaughn. Little wee ones? Yeah, little wee ones. Oh, okay. Because they're little strips. Most people get the cow up a race and then put the hand up the butt and test. Or like the vet can do a scan, but I'm not doing that.

Because Hermione doesn't like being in close. She'll lose her mind. Why are you putting your hand up your butt? That, or like the vet can do a scan, but I'm not doing that because Hermione doesn't like being in close. She'll lose her mind. Why are you putting your hand up your butt? That's not where babies come out. You men know nothing about the female reproductive system. You can feel it up there. So lots of people ask, but yesterday she jumped the fence, just the little temporary electric fence,

because the neighbour's calf was there. So I think that might be a sign she's pregnant. Okay. She's like, I want to go and have a look at that. So she jumps, although she's Scottish, so it would have been more like she's a Highland cow, so it would have been like, ah, I jumped the fence. No.

Put myself on the spot there. No, no, no, please finish the sentence. Get out of my swamp. Yeah, that. You're just doing Mike Myers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get in my belly. As we all know, Mike Myers.

Baby. That's it is. Mike Myers accents are textbook perfect. Perfect accents. So I put her back in, put the fence back up, and then ages ago I trimmed this tree. I trimmed all the low-hanging branches off this tree so the cows could use it for shade

because before there wasn't enough room for them to comfortably get under. Yeah, this massive, massive tree. And I stacked up all the sticks underneath. And I was like, they'll be dry now. I can burn them. And then I've got a lighter in my pocket, so I'm going to start a fire. Not under the tree.

So I spent a lot of time. Are you allowed to? Do you need a permit? Check your fire. You can Google in my light a lighter fire. I was like, yep. So I dragged them all around. Otherwise the neighbors had to go.

And if it's red or you see anything suspicious, call 111 and tell them. Yep, yep. That guy actually drove past with his dog and his arrow. Yeah. Thumbs up. It's great. He gave me thumbs up. So I dragged all the sticks out and made a big pile

and lit them on fire. And that was really fun. And they were really dry, so it was really easy to light the fire. Now, they were long sticks. Yep. So I kept having to, like, move the sticks around so that the sticky bit was in the

fire. So the fire would keep burning. Now I would have a shovel at that stage and I was like making a smaller pile and I was quite close and the wind changed direction and I just caught a face load of scorching hot fire air. And immediately I looked down and all the hairs on my left arm were singed, and then I could smell the burnt hairs. It's got a very particular aroma. It does. And so I pulled out my phone, because I ran my lip against my nose, and I was like,

hmm, half of that moustache definitely feels thinner than the other half. And I got out my phone and I looked, and I had like, oh, my beard was all like singed up. I realised how very lucky I was not to get actually burned. That must have smelt terrible. Yeah, and it was right under my nose, so I got a real burn. You're lucky you didn't have any sort of synthetic product in your beard because it might have really woofed.

Vaughan loves putting mousse in his beard. I love putting mousse. You put mousse in his beard. I love putting mousse. You put mousse in your beard? And then put a hairspray in it as well. Mums in the 90s loved mousse. Do mums still love a mousse? I don't know if Bev still rocks a mousse. I think Christine would still have a mousse.

A thin, long purple can. Yeah, show message mum. With a, yeah. The moose. The foamer. Moose. And when you were like, I knew mum was going to do it. I'd be like, can I squirt it into your hands?

Because it's almost like whipped cream. Yeah, it's fun. It was fun. What is here, Moose? I think that's one. The ozone hole was so big. No, it was a different sort of propellant. Oh, was that different? It's all the 90s mousse.

Yeah, all the 90s mousse. I think they got rid of CFCs and mousse by then. It was a different propellant. Right. So no mousse, but half of my beard was singed. Wow. So that is why. And your arm hair as well.

My arm hair is singed. I still don't quite know what to do with that because there is a bit there. Look at that. Yeah, that's it's flaking off but I didn't want to shave that off or shave it too short because then you can already see the difference between my arms

you can see the difference between left and right for sure but you know I shaved I ran the clippers through the beard got that down to, I had to take it pretty short because I did a few different comb lengths and then every time I could still see more singe or a hole missing or whatever. What about a bit of full body, like a veaked bath

and you just, from like the eyebrows down, just all gone and just start again? When I was shaving, I got down to this level and then I looked down and I was like, well, I can't have, I can't look down and see a hairy chest at the same time. So I've given myself an entire tidy up. Oh, wow.

It's a real manscaping session. It turned into a whole big manscaping session. Right. Chest, pubes, the lot, they're all – You singed your – I'm smooth. You singed your pubes. No, no, no, I just decided to get rid of them.

Ah, right. I don't light fires naked. You got rid of them. You won't be able to moose. Yeah, how are you going to – what's the moose going to hold onto? You're going to moose your breeches. Nothing for a while. I'm moose, well, I'm mooseless.

Okay. How do you style it into that lovely mohawk that you love so much? I'll have to wait until it grows back, just like my beard. Right. A great photo, though. You've got a great photo of your singed beard. You should use that on Have You Been Paying Attention this week. Oh, we absolutely will.

That will be the story. Great. What happened to your beard and half of your moustache? I'll be like, well, I was playing with fire. Literally. You deserved that. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Do-do-do-do-do. Alan Greenspan.

That is a name that you might have heard. You might not know who he is. But Alan Greenspan, I'm just trying to find his net worth. Not that that dictates it. Your worth. The worth of someone's opinion. $20 million. He's an American economist.

No, I'm just saying. He was the former head of the Federal Reserve. Like our Reserve Bank. Yeah. The Federal Reserve. He would have signed the notes. Have you had too much money? You'd be like, he's been skimming.

$20 million seems like a fair amount of money for a clever economist. It's like being the banker of Monopoly. Yeah. If you've got too much, you're skimming. Take a little five here and there. He says one of the best indicators of an upcoming economic recession is whether or not men's underpants are selling. Say again, what?

This is an official, what do they call it, the index or something? The men's underpants index. So nobody, you know, I won't say nobody. I'm going to rephrase it. Yep. He said that men, when there is an economic recession coming, men are the first people to stop buying underpants. It's the first thing they stop buying as well.

They just hold on to their old ones. They hold on to their old ones. They hold on to their old ones. Wear holy ones. Yep. So in 2007 there was a dip in men's underpants before the global financial crisis and didn't recover until 2010 as the economy recovered and men's underpants started

being purchased again. So he said you can also look back in other economic recessions, the 80s, the 30s, sorry, the 20s going into the 30s. The 30s was where it started out again.

And he said the Empire State Building was finished in 1930 and then the Great Depression kicked in. And then at the same time, underpants were going down. You hope not. You've got to celebrate this amazing skyscraper somewhere. He said then the US in the late 70s had a stagflation

and the World Trade Center's twin towers had just been finished and men's underpants started slowly. So he said either men get distracted and forget to buy underpants when skyscrapers are finished, or skyscrapers and so much investment being put into these massive buildings can be a trigger for an economic stall, as well as men stop buying underpants. He said the same thing happened in 2009 in Dubai

when the Burj Khalifa got finished and the Dubai government nearly defaulted because they didn't have enough money for it. Underpants are stopped. So this isn't just a Western thing. It kind of happens everywhere. Wow. And undies are the first thing that people are like, no.

So it's kind of like when it's going to rain and a cat cleans behind its ears as a sign of like when it's going to rain and a cat cleans behind its ears as a sign hey it's going to rain. If your man starts pulling in the purse strings and stops buying undies it's a sign a recession's on its way. And if people who wear lipstick start buying more

lipstick because apparently it's a cheap easy way to make yourself feel good without spending like a really... It truly is. Yeah, you just buy a little cheap lippy. Not the expensive lippies. They don't go up as much, but the cheaper lipsticks,

when they start selling and start selling more, it's a little cheap. Pick me up when you've been told all you know you can't afford. Wow. Yeah, because you can't afford new clothes, so you just freshen up with a bit of lippy. It makes you feel good. Yeah, and you buy more of the cheaper ones rather than buying fewer of the more expensive ones.

Right. I can't believe this happens to such a degree that it's noticeable that you can actually, like, see patterns and trends. So I just kind of, I just wanted to look now to see if there's anywhere where you can see this. It's not like the Stock Exchange or a... Undie sales. It's not. Yeah, there's no kind of graph that's live. No. But I wonder...

Live graph. You pop into Jockey and then it goes boop. Yeah. But I wonder if with inflation and everything that's going on at the moment if sales are down for undies. I haven't worn undies for ages. You've just gone without. I just absolutely. A waste of time.

Wow. Alright, so today's fact of the day is apparently economic downturns, recessions, and stagflations can be indicated by when men stop buying underpants. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Well, my favourite part of the Oscars, other than when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock across the face, is always the red carpet. Yeah. Always looking at the fashion.

Did you have, like, an outright winner, a favourite? Yeah, Jessica Chastain. Right. She wore like this, it was like shimmery. She looked like a mermaid. Yeah. It was outrageous. It was so good.

She looked like a pond at sunset. Is that what you mean? Shimmering. What are you, in love with her or something? You look like a pond at sunset. An affluent pond. A pond, also. An effluent pond. Yeah, I was going to say affluent. An affluent pond. A pond, also. An effluent pond.

Yeah, I was going to say affluent. An affluent pond. The pond's doing very well for itself. But you always know, like, the men, they're getting better year to year. There's some more, like, brave choices or some out-of-the-box choices. But typically, it's centered around a shirt, a tux jacket, maybe a bow tie or a tie. Very formal. It's black tie.

Well, Timothee Chalamet, Chalalemay, is changing the rules of red carpet fashion. He wore women's wear from Louis Vuitton, a sequined lace jacket, and underneath absolutely nothing. No shirt. Bare chest. Bare, hair-free chest. He can get away with that, though. And just a simple necklace. He can No shirt. Bear chest. Bear hair-free chest. And just a simple necklace.

He can get away with that because he's skinny. He's a skinny binny. And he's got no curly work, no chest. We were saying off air, you know, I don't think a John C. Reilly could get away with it. He's got a different build. Yeah. A John C. Reilly couldn't get away with it.

Could have found some middle ground there between Timot not about being skinny. John C. Reilly couldn't get away with that. But you know, like, the chest hair. Could have found some middle ground there between Timothy Chalamet and John C. Reilly. Like Will Ferrell turns up with just a jacket and no shirt. Yeah. Because he's got chest hair right from the chest to the belly. And until the Will thing, the Will Smith thing happened, this is what everybody was talking about. Everyone was like, okay, you want to make a promotion? I was getting emotional. No, I just had an apple before and the little skin came. Yeah, everyone was talking about. Everyone was like, are you okay? I was getting emotional. No, I just had an apple before

the little skin came. Everyone was talking about it. I mean, people are hot and cold. Some people are like, absolutely. It's time that the Oscars weren't so stuffy for men's fashion. He's very styley. He pulls off a lot of the stuff he wears whereas some people wouldn't be able to. A lot of people are like, ooh, that's not appropriate.

Where's your shirt? It's not a good look. I love it. My vote is yes. But a lot of people are like, oh, that's not appropriate. Where's your shirt? It's not a good look. I love it. My vote is yes. But a lot of people were no. But we wanted to ask the question this morning. Have you ever been at an event or a function, like a wedding or a work thing, where your outfit was the odd one out?

Yeah. Where you maybe overdressed or underdressed? Yeah, or just totally missed the mark. Yeah. Maybe you went too formal. Or maybe it was a Bridget Jones moment and you thought it was dress up and it wasn't. And your outfit was the odd one out.

Yeah, like you went as Catwoman in a Lycra suit that you had to peel yourself into. And then everyone's there in little cocktail dresses. Well, you dust off your Lego costume from the Sevens. Yeah. And turn up and it's a formal event. Your shower loofer costume. Or your Borat Keeney, your man Keeney,

that no one should still be wearing. They're like, guys, it's cocktail dress. So 0800-DARZATEM is the number. You can give us a call. Text as well, 9696. Where was your outfit? Just the odd one out. While everyone's talking.

I mean, Will Smith thinks he's the talk of the Oscars, but it was actually Timothee Chalamet because he didn't wear a shirt. He wore a women's blazer. And it's got the internet divided. It's a big yes from you. It's a big yes from me. I love the look.

The issue with a lot of people was the fact that it's a formal event, wear a shirt. Also, he would have borrowed that from Louis Vuitton, and he'd be sweating direct into the jacket, which I imagine is worth thousands. Do they not get to keep them? No, absolutely not. They give them back.

Oh. Maybe he didn't want to source a shirt. Yeah, maybe. Because imagine getting some, like, dipping sauce, because I'm imagining at the Oscars they have those little money bags. You dip that into a sweet, yeah, samosa into a sweet chilli pottle. Did you see that the gift bags this year had land in Scotland? Had land in Scotland.

Yeah. Like a little plot of land in Scotland. Weren't they worth like $100,000 or something? It's crazy. Yeah. Anyway, so we asked you, when was your outfit the odd one out that got everyone talking? Shane, when was your outfit the odd one out? Oh, everyone talking. Shane, when was your outfit the odd one out? Oh, it was a long time ago.

It was when I was 16. I went to a ball, school ball. Yep. The theme was fantasy. Yep. I thought, oh, what can I dress up as? You know, fantasy. And I'd get a really fancy cravat and some flouncy sleeves

and go as a vampire. You know, with a big cumberbough. Yep. Cumberband and everything. And yeah, I the big cumber bow, cumber band and everything. And yeah, I showed up and I was the only guy dressed up. Oh no. Dude. As a school ball.

There should have been other people. As a school ball. And you know what? Like there was a prize for the best dress and a woman won it. Yep. And she came as a princess. Oh wow. Okay.

God. You're a vampire. You're a vampire. You're a vampire. Oh, that's so sweet, Shane. That's horrid. No one else. I'd just go home. I'd be like, no, I'm out of here.

Thanks, Shane. Some messages in. My best mate went to his ex-girlfriend's, the funeral that they were having for her granddad, wearing an all white suit, which was for a wedding that was happening in two weeks. I just dribbled. People asked her if her boyfriend was trying to look like Elton John.

That's not what you want, right? Alright, keep your texts coming in. 9696, 0800 DALS at M. When your outfit was the... Bloody boys to men turning up at your grandad's funeral. We want to know when your outfit, when you're dressed, was the odd one out at an occasion.

Everybody talking about Timothee Chalamet not wearing a shirt to the Oscars yesterday. Yeah, just wore a woman's lace sequined blazer. It was a yes from you. He pulled it off. He's pulling it off. Oh, absolutely. But some people were like, oh, no.

Yeah, yeah, wear a shirt. It's the Oscars for God's sake. Somebody sent a text message and a link to an article, and I haven't clicked on it, but it says mcswinnies.net slash articles slash I'm Timothy Shellamay, and this was supposed to be my controversial awards. That sounds like it'll be interesting.

You got steamrolled a bit. Yeah. Yeah, we want to know when your outfit was the black sheep of the crowd, I guess. Yeah, maybe over or underdressed. Tom, what happened? Hey, I went to a party, it would have been about 10 or 11 years ago, dressed as YouTube. And it turns out everybody else had interpreted dress up

as dressed nicely for town. Oh, right. How did you dress as YouTube? So I got a massive 1.5 metre square piece of cardboard and I taped some, got white paper all over it and then used one of those old OHPs to screen, like put it up there and I traced around the logo and wrote a funny title and there was like comments it up there and I traced around the logo and wrote a funny title

and there was like comments from random users and stuff. And then where the video was, I cut it out so that people could stand in behind me and get photos. And I just had it all cable tied to an old backpack so I could wear it. Dude, you put in so much effort.

It took me a whole day. You're such a dick. I turned up and walked down. It was down a long driveway and everyone was standing on the deck out the front. And just, like, people were just rolling on the ground laughing. Oh, no. And then I wore it all night out to town and everything until about four in the morning. Oh, you know what?

Good on you. Good on you. Put in the effort. It was bloody good. It was a bloody nightmare getting through doors and such. It was an absolute nightmare and I regret nothing. You've made Hayley cry. I can just picture you, Tom, looking like an absolute fool.

I love it. And by the way, the guys are really admitting to this because a lot of women are still scarred by this. They won't. They won't admit to it. The women are texting in like cowards for the time they dressed up like a YouTube. Thanks, Tom. I went to a Halloween dress-up party as little Bo Peep.

Pink bonnet and all. What I'd missed was this party was pirate themed. So I just looked wildly out of place. My mum wore a dress to my own wedding that was exactly the same as the bridesmaid's

dresses. I didn't know until she turned up. Oh no. Yeah, we weren't sure. That would happen a bit though, wouldn't it? Same colour maybe, but not the same. At least it wasn't YouTube. A YouTube screen. My mother-in-law went to a fancy dress ball

which everyone was in formal dress and suits and she went as B1 from Bananas and Majolias. First mufti date intermediate, mum laid out my clothes like she used to all the way through primary school, so no big deal. This was in the 90s.

Pink cuffed track pants, a purple skivvy, and a pink, black, and teal knitted waistcoat that my nana had made me. I turned up and every girl was wearing black bootlegs, mini skirt, and lace button-down shirts of the mid to late 90s. And there I was in my pink and purple monstrosity. Looking like a wiggle. Oh, mum.

She's trying her best, though. I wore a skimpy dress to high school Mufti Day, although it wasn't Mufti Day, so I pretended I was going on a school trip and then just went home. Oh, no. My husband failed to tell me that there was a theme for his work Christmas party. He works at a law firm.

I wore lovely black trousers and a black top, and I arrived, and it was dinner en blanc, which means the dinner of white. Every single person head to toe white. I never want to go to one of these white parties. No, because again, sources. You get the sauce on you. I never want to go to one of these white parties. No, because again, I'm a spiller. Sources, you get the sauce on you. I'm an absolute spiller. I'd have that thing all muddied up before I left.

You would have looked like a blackhead on pale skin just sitting there. Yeah, just like death. Yeah, like Grim Reaper. Here I am. Oh, I guess you were dressed up as you should. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Listen up, Liger. ZM's $100,000 secret sound. Good morning, Soundkeeper Owls. Good morning. Now, still at $50,000? Yep. Seems a bit low. We've got $100,000.

Come on. When are we going to top it up? Well, we need to make Thursday's pop right, and so I'm just going to sit on this $50,000 for a little bit. We've got 100. Come on. When are we going to top it up? Well, we need to make Thursdays pop, right? And so I'm just going to sit on this 50K for a little bit. Here's a suggestion. What about we like up it now to 100,000 and Thursdays we do like quarter mil. I'm keen for that. That sounds like fun.

Where is this money coming from? What about go down? Is that an issue to sort out? Yeah, go down to like dollar Thursdays. Make it a quarter mil and then just like ring up Spark and be like, can you disconnect our phone for the day? Sorry, the phones aren't working. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's make wild, big, empty promises. Right. It sounds like this is how you end up on Fair Go. Remember that radio station that gave away a rusty car once? Oh, dear. Didn't they give away a car and it was a piece of shit? It wouldn't pass a warrant. Really?

And they were like, there's radio stations. Yeah. I think we worked for that company at the time, Vaughan. What radio station was it? Oh, no. Wow. Some old beat-up lady. Let me Google that and come back to you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds like a hot. I'll come back to you at Secret Sound at 8 on that one. Let me do some research. A repossessed car at Turner's. Joining us is Taylor. Good morning, Taylor. Good morning.

How's everyone? Not too bad. Actually really great. Actually great. Well, Fletch doesn't have COVID anymore, so he's good. I don't have COVID, yeah. Back in the office, are you?

Vaughn actually singed his... I've got a couple of burns, but I'm going to talk about that soon. All right. I don't want to know what's going on. No, he's sinister. It's like fire burns. It's not carpet burns or like sex burns or anything like that.

Is it the veet burn? It's not a veet burn. I will never put that on your butthole. Yeah. Never put that near your butthole. Veet burn me once. Shame on me. Veet burn me twice.

Why did you veet burn yourself second time? You learn from the first beat burn. Now, Taylor, all thanks to $50,000, the current jackpot. This is the secret

sound. That $50,000 is yours. If you can tell us what is it? So I think when you finish

putting petrol in your car, you go click your fuel cap button and you know finish putting petrol in your car, you go click the fuel cap in and you know how if you overdo it and it clicks? Yes. If you really overdo it

then it clicks a bunch of times. I love that. I love tuning it and then it goes click, click, click, click, click, click. I'm not satisfied until it's really clicked in. Yeah. Gonna make sure it's on. I believe one of the earliest Secret Sound seasons, the answer was putting the pump back in. Was that one?

Click. Hanging up the pump. Hanging it up. But this is the actual cap. Yeah. Has been guessed. Yeah. Okay.

It's a good guess. Have you looked at the clues? Nah, not really. They have never helped me. It's fair. Some choose to go into it, some don't It's like, Al's, your sound clothes are BS Yeah Nah, they're just not easy

Well, I'm assuming in those movies there's cars Yeah, yeah, exactly You can make them fit somehow There's always somehow you can make it fit into whatever your clue is Alright, well hey But there's always somehow you can make it to whatever your clue is. Yeah. All right. Well, hey. It's a yes.

I like this one. I will give the answer. It's a no. That is not the secret sound. Bugger. Hard luck, Taylor. Back to the drawing board. 8 o'clock is your next chance to have a shot at Secret Sound. It's all thanks to Neon.

Get a Kiwi streaming service. Get great value. Get it on Neon. Soundkeeper Owls is in and joining us on the phone for a crack at the $50,000. Sian, good morning. Good morning. I believe the whole family's huddled around the phone for this guess. Yes, we are.

I've got my 10-year-old son and my 7-year-old daughter and also the neighbour. 10-year-old neighbour. No swearing. Now, does this mean that you have to split the money with them if you win? Ooh. Yeah, I feel like that's probably it. Okay.

No, don't make promises you can't make. Just buy them toys, maybe. A couple of dolls. Yeah, that'll buy them off. All right, well, $50,000 is our current jackpot. This is a secret sound, Sian. No doubt you've played that over and over again. For $50,000, what do you think it is?

We think it could be a taser gun. A taser gun. Okay, like the police. They shoot out the little prongs, don't they? Yeah. Or is it the little handheld one? Don't you have one of these from Thailand? What?

Why would you have that? No, I have a switchblade. Again, why would you have that? I'm a right shooter. I have a knife. Aaron just thought it would be a good way to protect myself, but I thought it was a good way to stab my hand while I was fishing for it in my handbag.

Oh, yeah. Anyway. It's illegal either way. Illegal in New Zealand. So you did dispose of that. Yeah. Of course. Okay.

Well, have you looked at the clues, Sian? Yeah, we have. There's one of like the skeleton where he's kind of got his arm around it and it looks like he's tasering him with a little hand out. Oh, okay. A little tickle tickle. And then I saw Miss Congeniality and we thought, oh gosh, she would have a taser, right?

Yes, she would. Straight to the thigh. Yeah. Oh, I love that movie. Well, Sian, we are locking it in. Deep breaths, everyone. That's as deep as I can go because I'm recovering from COVID. You be careful.

Shallow breath. No good. Sian. That is not the secret sound. Oh, Sian. Unfortunately, no. All right, back to the drawing board at 11 o'clock is the next chance for your shot at the cash.

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