ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 2nd December 2022

Episode Date: December 1, 2022

Top 6: Little Miss & Mister  Men don't have Friends  Final Rankings!  Community Notices  Producer Jared discovered something...Or is it just a ruse?  Hayley at the Gym  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, refreshing iced coffee. Available now only at Macca's. McCafe, simply good coffee. Now before we get to your letter, Producer Jared, could you please call me?

Could you please call me? Oh, he's done it. He's done it. He's done it. Yes, he's done. He's gone and done it. He talked about a ring Tony wanted. Listen to this.

Yeah. But you're going to miss your calls because you want to keep listening to the White Lighters thing. No, I keep... And then it'll... Yeah, but what I mean is you're going to keep listening to it. Answer it. Wait, we're going to...

Yeah, exactly. See? See? Oh. to keep listening to him answer it. Wait, we're going to. Yeah, exactly. See? Oh, he's hung up. See? That's what happens. You missed him. It's not quite going to work, is it? Well, we've received post from the Royal Mail Northern Ireland Mail Centre.

That's exciting. A lovely brown envelope. The postage cost £1.85. And it says, Congratulations, England. Manned World 2020 Cup winners. So that's a bit of a brag. On the back.

Did someone say Santa? And it's a picture of a dachshund dressed as a Christmas elf. If undelivered, please return to Victoria Wilson and then her address is there. So we can do that thing on Google Street View where we look up her house. Oh, yes. That's a bit creepy. Yeah, let's have a little looky-looky.

It's fun because then you get to see who you're dealing with and where they're writing it from and where they were sat when they composed because I believe this may be a Christmas card. Oh, cool. I bet this will be my first Christmas card. That's good sound effects, Vaughn. Okay. Twas the night before Christmas.

To Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley and all of the Breakfast team, I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year, and I can't wait for another year of FVH from your international podcast listener, Victoria. Oh, Victoria, that's lovely. That is so nice. All the way from Ireland. Has she included a gift card? Is it a gift card?

No, it's a handwritten note. And might I say, Victoria's got lovely handwriting. Oh, she does. That's incredible. I was assuming Carwen was looking at me, but it turns out she's looking at Georgia Bird, who's behind me. I'm doing a serious on-air piece, Georgia. Georgia, we're trying to work.

What is that, a golden outfit? A golden tutu? Oh, dear. This is dated the 22nd of October, 2022. This has taken a while to get here. We've only just got this, yeah. No, but wait. She posted it on the 13th of November, so I feel like she wrote the letter and then forgot to post it.

And she hummed it hard. Which is me 101. Yeah, classic. Do something and forget to post it. Hi, guys. Firstly, I hope this reaches you before you go off on your Christmas holidays. If you don't, feel free to take this as a very early 2023 Christmas card instead. Ha ha.

Cute. I should introduce myself. I'm Victoria. I'm from Belfast in Northern Ireland. I only discovered your show in early 2021 when Hayley was filling in, but I've been an avid listener of the podcast since the beginning of the year. You are the first in my queue of New Zealand and Australian radio show podcasts every day.

Is she getting used to the accent yet? She's deciphering it. Yeah. Because we do breakfast in New Zealand, and we're already three hours ahead of Australia, so they'd barely be scratching the surface of their actual show in our podcast if you're ready to go. Yeah.

So we're the first. We're first in the queue. Anyway, thank you for bringing me joy every day and you're all wonderful and have an amazing holiday season, Victoria. That is lovely. Look at this.

Who taught her to write? We must find out who taught her to write. How do we know she hasn't sent this very letter and card to Stazawazard

Dingle Dangle and bloody Hottie Fem in Australia? Yeah, maybe. Stazawazard though, they are a good show. Yeah. Good show. Solid show.

Oh, wow. I hope Victoria. That's so lovely, Victoria. Thank you so much. That's just absolutely gorgeous. We'll see some lovely messages on our Facebook, the podcast fam group, about people's listening hours. Yeah, although one worries me.

There's many hours. One was in like 100,000. Can't wait at the, well, you also see me straddling the social media. Spread across both desks. You're spread across both desks. Absolutely spread across them. You're across the executive prod desk and the social media desk. What's the biggest number you saw for podcast hours?

I think it was about 106,000. Yeah, that is from Mel, who accompanied the screenshots with some very lovely words. We always appreciate those. But 106,000 minutes. Oh, yeah, minutes. So... You said hours.

That's like, yeah. Divide 106. 106. she's obviously gone back into the archives there yeah divided by 60 is 1772 hours divided by 24 73.8 days so over two months of her life has been spent listen to it over two months yeah. Yeah, right, waking months. And she's still sane. And she's still got other stuff done. That's amazing. Amazing.

We absolutely appreciate it. Yeah, we very much appreciate it. I also see someone asking in the podcast family, what's happened to Bet I Can Guess Your Mum's Name? Where's that gone? Wow. Wow. What has happened? Where's that gone's that gone for have you lost your powers i lost my powers i traded them what did you get with a a short man and a long pointy hat and and

and show shoes with a pointy head with a bell on the end rumpelstiltskin i traded my powers for three magic beans. Now I planted these beans and fuck me. Yeah. Growing? Yeah. Holy moly. This weekend I'm going to climb the beans. No, I would encourage you not to discourage you from climbing. Oh, really?

It kind of goes up into the clouds. I'll need some climbing gear. I wouldn't. Probably at the weekend for strong winds. Yeah. You don't want to get blown off your beans. You talk 150 metres up, do you? But yeah, that's where my...

I think we should do it next week. Yeah, we'll do it. Bet I can guess your mum's name. Let's do it next week. So we're in the festive spirit. Why not? Let's have a bit of fun. We'll do it next week.

See you then. I'm just looking up Victoria's house. Oh, see, this is where you're just picking in trouble here, Vaughan. Stop being a pest. No, and don't make that noise. She's done a lovely thing and now you're just picking in trouble here, Vaughan. Stop being a pest. No, and don't make that noise. She's done a lovely thing, and now you're being a creep. Oh, cute. It's kind of exactly what you'd expect.

Like Irish. That's what I picture when I put your bell past. That's where Bono grew up and Ronan Keating. Yes. They all grew up in houses like that. What's the line between the good Ireland and the Northern Ireland? What do you mean the good Ireland? The good Ireland.

I don't know. You know, the Catholic one. The good Ireland. Is that the good Ireland? This is where my family's from. Oh, right. Irish families are from that part of Ireland. Right.

Where are the dairy girls from? They're from the good part of Ireland. Oh, yeah, good. I think. That's all I know about Ireland They are right And you too Have you been to Ireland?

No Do I really want to though? I've been to Galway I loved it It was so much fun Derry girls And that's where I had my first Guinness No in Derry

Northern Ireland So they're Northern Ireland Oh right okay They're the Protestants I still haven't watched The latest season of that That's on my list That's good

Was it good Carween? So good I love a bit of Dairy Girls God bless Ireland Yep Bye Bye Oh she's got a vape store

On the corner of her street Oh thank god Fucking vape stores Are everywhere If you wander out later You might see Fucking Jared At your vape store.

Getting some bloody grapes, mate. He's going to go all the way to Ireland. He literally would need to walk 100 metres in any direction in Auckland at the moment to find a vape store. He's not going to go all the way to Falkland, Ireland to find one. Oh, fuck it. Play Zeddy's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Happy Friday. Woo-hoo Hayley, happy Friday. Woo-hoo-hoo. Happy Friday. You're regretting just a loose-fitting shirt and Birkenstocks. God, it is so cold in here. I've got like a chill down my spine. It's because you're so skinny, babes. You don't have enough insulation on.

Honestly, I know. If I could only just put some of my dumper, you know, around the rest of it. Around the organs? Yeah, around my essential organs. Yeah, keep them warm. It's chilly. I was inspired this morning to do, nearly kicked Jared in the face, to do Birkenstocks and jeans.

Right. Hell of a look. Those are well-worn Birks. Do you think they'll make it through the season? They're not well-worn, they're the suede. Oh, they're suede. Okay, yeah, right. They're suede. I'm not? They're not well worn. They're the suede. Oh, they're suede. Okay, yeah, right. They're suede.

I'm not a fan of suede shoes. They're soft. You'll never persuade me to buy suede shoes. The people at the shoe shop are always like, do you want the extra protection suede spray? And you're like, how much is it? They're like, $500. Yeah, suede.

No, get one. Paint the balls. Get one and just keep it in the laundry. Those are manky. It goes manky too fast. Yeah in the balls. Get one and just keep it in the laundry. Goes all manky. Goes manky too fast, suede. Yeah, it does. They look great when you first wear them. Yeah, I know.

I know. Well, that's my thoughts on suede. That's all right. I'll look forward to further push. The top six is soon on the show. Yes, some new Little Miss and Mr. Men characters have been announced. Do they have any gender diverse characters? I'm not sure.

I would have thought, you know, given the... Oh, yeah. And Neuride diverse characters. I guess they're all a little Neuride diverse. Yeah. I know they've all got different things going on. Mr. Tickle. Mr. Tickle.

Was that your favourite one? He got cancelled. Did he? Because he was tickling under where he shouldn't have been. He was touching people. It was London Central touching. He was on the bus and he'd put his arm right down to the back of the bus and be like. Can't do that.

You can't do that. You can't do that. No. Cancelled. Not like the good old days. We talk about the good old days where you could tickle up a buddy, tickle up a fanny on the bus. Whoever you liked. Whatever you liked.

From the front to the back. Yeah. From the window to the wall. You were also cancelled. You and Mr. Tickle. Me and Mr. Tickle. I'm Mr. Say-Whatever-I'm-Thinking and I tell you what,

I'm in big trouble. Yeah. Right. So you've got top six other characters. Yeah. For 2020, 2020, 2020. How many of them? 2023. Yeah, for 2020, 2020, 2020. How many of them? 2023.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay, that's soon on the show. I'll also introduce you to their other characters. Some of their new ones. Next on the show, the police have done a big seizure. Yes, they've seized property from a gang. The gang pad, the house.

Now, apparently, they've renovated it using proceeds of crime, which means the police can seize the gang pad. Oh, okay. Whereas if you're purchasing the gang pad, that was the problem because they had the receipts. Right. It was the improvements to the house. They've got the one-of-a-tack loophole.

Do you reckon they've done one of those nice LED mirrors with the button? Oh my God, I'm literally looking at LED mirrors with the buttons now. They're so nice.

Did they smash down a wall and do a nice open plan or something like that? Yes, I think so. I think they took a couple of load bearers and put them in a rain like big laminated beams

the whole way. Do you reckon the mob, is it the mob? Which gang is it? Head Hunters. Do you reckon they had a rain shower?

Of course they did. You know you're hard day riding your bicycle. Yeah. You've got to have the rain head though and the removable shower here. Absolutely. It's the only way. Okay. So we'll delve a bit more.

We've kind of covered a lot of it here. We got a bit carried away. We're going to be carried away. We do get carried away when we talk about Reno's, don't we? We all get a bit more. We've kind of covered a lot of it here. We got a bit carried away. We're going to be carried away. We do get carried away when we talk about Reno's, don't we? We all get a bit excited. We've kind of touched on it before, but the police have seized a Christchurch gang pad from the headhunters.

So if you buy anything with the proceeds of crime, like say you're doing drugs, you're making drugs. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not doing drugs. I was saying hypothetically. What are you at? Back off, man.

If you buy anything, so you buy a car, a flash car, a motorcycle, you do renos on your house, they can seize all of that and then sell it or destroy it. Yeah. Wow. In 2009, the Criminal Proceeds Recovery Act was passed. And it basically says, yeah, if they can prove that you have purchased anything with the

money from crime. So like receipts? Even if you filter it. Launder it. Launder it. Launder it through my car wash. Yes. Walter White. You can lose that as part of proceedings.

They just follow the money. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Yeah. That'd be a fascinating job, wouldn't it? It would be. The problem was not the house itself, it was the improvements they'd done to it. This is the gang headquarters that's been seized. The court finding has resulted in the property

valued at around $340,000. I tell you what, that's pretty bloody cheap. Sorry, how much is the property valued at? $340,000. We should buy it. That's a good price in this market. The block should... You know, the block have said they're not coming next year.

They're not coming back. Oh, my gosh. Do block gang headquarters. Gang headquarters. Forfeited properties. Yeah, forfeited the block have said they're not coming next year. They're not coming back. Do block gang headquarters. Gang headquarters. Forfeited properties. Yeah, forfeited the block. Yeah. Yeah.

So the court said the whole property was tainted if some of the funding for the improvements came from significant criminal activity. And that was what's happened. Like the bar, the... I've never been inside a gang headquarters. Oh my God, they're so cold. Infrared sauna. That sort of thing. Those, the... I've never been inside a gang headquarters. Oh my God, they're so cool. Infrared sauna, that sort of thing.

Those were the... New tiles, they got some beautiful new tiles. They got the sort of, you know, those sort of scallopy pink ones. Yeah, well, they watch The Block. Yeah, don't they? They're super inspired. Speaking of The Block, this reads like The Block.

Or I wish I had the Grand Designs voice. Yeah. The renovations have allowed the Headhunters gang members to relax in a plush bar surroundings where a selection of chilled beers waited in the commercial fridge. Outdoor dining opportunities were provided by an extensive new deck and privacy was assured

by a high fence made from insulated panelling. New deck! Yeah, they got a new deck. Having just built a deck they ain't cheap. They're not cheap. They must be nice. It's just hard and it's hard if you're going to build a big deck. It's hard a deck, they ain't cheap. They're not cheap. They must be nice. They ain't cheap. It's just hard. And it's hard if you're going to build a big deck. It's hard to get that much materials all at once.

Yeah. You want to get it all at once so it all matches, you know? I wonder how they get their tradies in. Or do you reckon they DIY? Well, I don't know. That's the other thing. Imagine if they hadn't got all their consents, hadn't got all their council paperwork in a row.

That council paperwork is a ball of cake. Tell you what, that'll be the first time Atreides started a deck and finished it in the same week. Hell yeah. No downtime, there on time, not pissing around, didn't nip off to have an afternoon on another job they've got on the go. Absolutely not.

Clay, Zed Eames, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. This is actually super interesting. Not that I would have... read something that's not. Read something that wasn't interesting. Yeah. But there's been some research into why men don't have that many friends. Why men don't have as many close friends as women. Is it because we go quality over quantity?

No, it's not. It's because your society has told you that if you are close with another man and you're a man, you're probably a homosexual. Oh, really? Yeah. I was just reading this. I was just reading this and I thought it would be something about, I don't know, that's not where I thought it would go. So they did big research and they said less than half of men

less than half of men report being satisfied with their friendships and only about one in five said that they had received emotional support from a friend within the last week compared to four out of ten women. Yeah, 20% versus 40%.

Wow, okay. Received emotional support and they say it starts middle to late adolescence, that close friendships. Because you see young boys and stuff, they're like hugging and close and running around and can't get enough of each other. But middle to late adolescence, it starts to, these friendships start to fall off

and then it gets starker and starker into adulthood. Again, this is very general. I know a lot of men have plenty of male friends. And yeah, it's a learnt behaviour. It's nothing inherent within the gender of men. It's that because this psychologist from the University of California says that boys don't start emotionally disconnected. They learn don't start emotionally disconnected. They learn how to become emotionally disconnected.

Isn't that, isn't that, and that's awful. One of life's true talents. Yeah. To emotionally disconnect. To look at a situation and be like, I'm out. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I'm not going to think about that too much.

I don't want to feel it. I don't want to feel. I don't want to think. I'm going to pretend I didn't see it. Yeah. And they were like, this is really terrible because one of the most harmful things to the human race is loneliness. Yeah.

And like, say you get married, that person might die. And then you don't have these friends. And then so they looked at it and they were going, many, many years ago, in 1995, they conducted a lot of research on male friendships and why they weren't sustained and many

of the participants said that when because of the stereotype that male bonding would or would become as sexual in nature put them off the idea of being close and intimate and yeah like open with their male friends.

So they hold back from getting deeper in their friendships. And now they've done this research, they're like, yeah, that still hasn't changed. Because the idea of men expressing vulnerability and intimacy with their friends and not just their sexual partners or romantic partners has connotations of homosexuality. So like, particularly heterosexual men

pull back from the idea of hugging or... Right. But then that's why they play rugby. So that they can... So they can have a cuddle. So they can have a cuddle and feel the rough touch of another man. Yeah. It's all this whole idea of boys receiving the message still

to grow up and man up and shed that softer side of yourself. I honestly thought that would have changed. I would have thought that would have changed too. I mean, this is the thing though. This research has been conducted with adults. Yeah. So I'm sure if you were to look 10, 20 years into the future,

a lot of that kind of like man up and, you know, men don't cry and men don't talk about their feelings. Surely a lot of that's... It'll still be there. It'll still be there. It'll still be there. Yeah. Sometimes you forget because it's not who you hang around. Yeah, that's the thing.

And then you hear how some people talk to their kids and you're like, oh shit. Yeah. Very much still around. Yeah. And a bit of a bubble there. Yeah. And then looking into the fact that like a lot of the time heterosexual men will,

because they don't feel the ability to be close with other men, they seek all that they need from their female romantic partners, which obviously put like a whole bunch of strain on your relationship. And like, I think it's interesting, whereas women, we go like, oh, I can be close with you and talk to you about most things. But sometimes I need my girlfriends to talk to about stuff that, you know, I don't need to talk to you about. Yeah, but sometimes I need my girlfriends to talk to about stuff that I don't need to talk to you about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And if the man doesn't have that, oh. So locker room chat, you know, that was the old, that old adage, the locker room chat, the lads having a bit of locker room chat. Wasn't that what Trump said about grabbing? Grabbing her by the peep. Yeah. Locker room chat should be less that and a bit more,

how are you feeling, Greg? Yeah. Tell me, Greg, are you okay, mate? Which, you know, there's been massive steps towards, but more of it. I'm really lucky. My dad went to kindergarten. There was a group of five of them,

and they're all still best friends now. Wow. From the age of four to 61 yeah and they all when they see each other you know they they hug and they laugh and they share and they cry and stuff it's they'll just get together but it's a nice thing that i've grown up around but yeah it's it's definitely not everyone normal but it's not every okay so heterosexual men get out there yeah i thought this was just going to be, I thought you were going to say men have less friends but better friends.

Yeah, so did I. Then I was reading it going, oh, no, this is like real systemic and like quite different. Yeah, right. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

This is the Top Six. Hello there. Hello. Well, Roger Hargreaves is dead. But his son, Adam Hargreaves, continues the Little Miss and Mr. Men series. Oh, he'd make so much money. Those books have been around forever. And I don't know if you remember how simple the drawings were,

but it's not like they were paying a fortune for the animators. Little Miss Wasteless. I've got a digital copy. Little Miss Wasteless did not, as her name would suggest, like waste. She was not wasteful. For instance, she repaired the holes in her socks. She did not throw them away. She reused her carrier bags for her shopping.

She didn't buy more than she needed, and she collected rainwater to water her garden. Her motto was, waste not, want not. It goes on. She's on the beach. She's cleaning up. Oh, no, there's a whole lot of stuff here. She's teaching everybody to recycle,

use the refill things, ride their bikes. It's a happy day. Happy day. And that's going to be out for Christmas. And it's a collab with an eco-conscious brand to form the next generation. I'm trying to think about who was my favourite. I loved Little Miss Sunshine, obviously.

I'm just looking at all the characters. Mr Tickle. Mr Tickle was a classic. Yeah. So Roger Hargreaves, he died in 85. Oh, wow. So, his son Adam's been doing it since then, and they reckon that it has sold...

A billion. Billions and billions. Like, oh, this bloody... Oh, there's one selling every 2.5 seconds. It's sold over 250 million books worldwide. Cool, though. Yeah, 49.6 million pounds

UK. Little Miss Chatterbox. That's the one I liked. Yeah. That's you. Yep. Mr. Bump I quite liked. Yeah, with the bandages. Yeah. Little Miss Naughty. She's like ehehehe. Yeah, but they all learned a lesson, didn't they? Like Mr. Lazy learned not to be too lazy.

Yep. Mr. Funny lives in not to be too lazy. Yeah. Mr. Funny lives in a teapot and drives a car that looks like a shoe. Silly. Mr. Mean, of course, he's got a smile on his face at the end, didn't he? Jeez, Louise, there's so many. He came around, didn't he? He came around. Yeah, he did. He really came around.

Well, I like the top six Mr. Mean and Little Miss characters that we need in 2023. Number six on the list is a tie between Little Miss working from home and Mr. Says He's Working From Home, but mostly rushing his work so he can play PlayStation and play with himself. Yeah, of course. They're both in grey mile track pants. Yes, always. Always in the track pants.

Number five on the list of the top six Mr. Men and Little Miss characters we need for 2023. Mr. Eating his feelings so he doesn't have to talk about them. That's a good one. He takes up a couple of pages. He's a big boy. He's like the hungry caterpillar. He eats all of the pages. Number four on the list of the top six 2023 Mr. Me and Little Miss characters we need. Little Miss, don't

call me Little Miss. Oh yeah. She doesn't want your condescending Lil. Lil. Lil Miss. Why isn't it Lil Mister? It's just Lil Miss. It's condescending based on gender and she won't have it. Good. It's gonna be a fun

read for granddads to read to them. Number three on the list of the top six 2023 Mr. Me and Little Miss characters we need. Mr. Please do call me Little Miss. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. He likes it. As Little Miss. Why not?

She likes to be addressed as Little Miss. A great one for granddads to get their head around when they read that. Some pronoun situation there. Number two on the list of the top six 2023 Mr. Me and Little Miss characters we need. Little Miss Novid. She still hasn't had COVID.

Oh, yeah. She's like, I might be immune. I think I'm immune. Yeah. I think I'm immune. I have a superior immune system. They love to say that,

don't they, the Novids? I've had a few friends that have finally got it recently. I thought you were going to say, I've had it twice. I was like, you sure have. And number one on the list of the top six 2023 Mr. Men and Little Miss characters.

Mr. Pretends to be a feminist to get laid, but deep down is a real piece of shit. That is today's top six. Well, a warning for cheese lovers from an Australian mum. I don't think most people need this warning, but it appears some do. An Aussie mum couldn't work out why her 10-year-old didn't like the cheese that she was putting in the 10-year-old's lunchbox. Oh, my God, 10-year-olds love cheese. I mean, yeah, do you remember those little triangle segments? Yes.

In, like, the 80s or 90s Like a wedge And they had like Tin foil on Not the one Not the laughing cow Not laughing cow But I don't They don't do them

I think it was Cheesedale or something Yeah it was New Zealand brand cheeses They used to come in A round plastic thing And the bottom of the plastic I remember them being yellow

And then the top Was transparent It was I mean it's We're moving away From the age of plastic, but they were cool because afterwards you could put, like, your favourite, like, Ninja Turtle card in there or, like, some flat toys you had.

And then pop it in your bag and take it to school. It fit in a flat pocket. It was just the coolest little container. Well, this mum is warning about the Babybel cheeses. You know you get these in the little packs? They're like round red wax pucks. And apparently the kid was eating it with the wax on it. Of course it was.

And so you've got to take the wax off. The wax tastes bad. Because we've all done it at one point in our life. Accidentally eating the wax on the cheese. Eating the wax. The first time. You know some cheeses have got like that wrap around the edge and there's that little bit of like white paper on like a gouda.

Yes. Or salami, it's like a really thin. Yeah. Like a wax paper. Like a wax paper. Yeah, because it seals, right? That's the idea with the wax. It seals it.

Yeah. And you would think that this would not be a common issue, but producer Jared, your friend has done exactly this. Yeah, we were about 24 or 5, and one of the lads showed up with a net of baby bells. A net? A net. I've fished these from the deli.

And then we just watched in horror as he just raw dog took a bite. So had he never had one before? No. No. And he was so confused why we were so excited to have them. He was like, these suck. Yeah. Oh, right.

But he was eating them with, you suck. Yeah, the wax on them. I just wouldn't tell him. I'd be like, yeah, oh, well, each to their own. Yeah. His whole life, he'd never find a partner because he eats the wax off the cheese. But so this woman that initially... I'm just looking

how to wax your own cheese. Can you do that? Do you know it's brushed on? Oh, I thought they would have dipped... I always assumed it was a dip.

Yeah, they would have dipped it in. No, apparently you brush it on. Thickly brushed on. Yeah. Look at this. We should do this.

Oh my God, what a fun little act is. I think I'm going to be busy. You can buy a block of wax and a cheese wax brush and a block of wax. Like Vaughan wants to wax cheese. We could literally just have a board of cheese and drink. We could just go to the supermarket and- Yeah, yeah.

Not if me and my wax have got anything to do with it. But so this woman posted this online and growing adults, like one woman who's 39 said, I did the same thing. Yeah. The first time I had this cheese. Dumb ass. Eating the wax. They're dumb dumbs.

As soon as wax hits your mouth, you're like. Yeah, you know that. I shouldn't be eating this. You're not meant to eat it. Tastes like a candle. Yeah, peel it off. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. It's the final rankings.

All right. All right. All right. Final rankings today, Christmas music. Now, this includes, I guess, Christmas carols, Christmas songs. Yes. Yeah. And for final rankings, we will debate and choose the ultimate top three. You know, next week we're going to do movies.

Oh, okay. Christmas movies. Christmas movies. I just made that executive decision. I'm on board with it. I will follow you. I pulled the trigger. Yeah, good. I'll push you wherever you Christmas movies. I just made that executive decision. I'm on board with it. I will follow you wherever you may go. I like it.

I love Christmas carols. I love Christmas music so much. It makes me happy. I've got big bony M energy. They did a Christmas album, didn't they? Yuck. Their version of

Mary's Boy Child, Jesus Christ. Park Now Here That Angels Sing is so good. Long time ago. I've already tapped out. No. Snoopy's Christmas, that's it. That's enough. Snoopy's Christmas is your top three.

That's enough. Snoopy's Christmas. Was born on Christmas Day. Oh, no. Yuck. Yuck. You've got to wait till the beat drops in. Also, apologies to those that work in retail

who we're triggering on the way to work. Hit it, drop it. Oh no, this sounds like a 1990s, no, 2000s ringtone. Oh, it's so good. Steel drums. Long time ago in Bethlehem. This is my number one. So the holy bubble says.

This is your number one. Every Christmas when we unwrap presents, Aaron permits me. Aaron permits you. You are permitted. And I sing it at his face. I sing it into his face. Okay, so. I adore it.

There's this. There's Snoopy's Christmas. There's Mariah's Christmas song that we played last week. There's Wham last Christmas. Okay, this is good. This is including, really? What if a George Michael fan overhead didn't have your pin for it? I didn't pin it either.

What about a little bit of Feliz Navidad? Up B. It's good fun. Who does Feliz Navidad? Jose Feliciano. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. What is this problematic? Not as problematic as,

baby, it's cold outside. Yeah. I really, really want to leave. Sit down. I've locked the door, my love. Yeah. Please let me leave. Slay Ride by the Ronettes. Ring, locked the door, my love. Please let me leave. Sleigh ride by the Rinettes. Ring, ding, ding, ling, ding, ding, ding, ding.

What's your number one, Gordon? What about David Bowie's Little Soldier Boy? That's a lovely touch. He does a little pa-ra-pa-pum-pum. Bublé, this is Bublé. Oh, yeah. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas Poor Buble ain't a big pigeon hole into Christmas

Oh yeah, poor Buble makes millions of dollars every year off Christmas album sales What about rich celebrities singing about poor people in Africa? Oh, lie they, do they know it's Christmas? That was, was it just last week or this week? That was 20, how many years ago? It would be 30 Yeah, it's just kind of ticked over an anniversary. Ooh, okay.

Carween just messaged saying, my favourite is Santa Baby. This one. Jingle Bell Rock. Is this off Mean Girls? This is off Mean Girls. Jingle Bell and Home Alone 2? Home Alone 1 or 2?

One of them. Santa Baby is like, you should, Christmas is a sex-sos holiday. Santa Baby is like, you should, Christmas is a sexless holiday. Santa Baby is too horned up. Yeah. Santa Baby. Which version of Santa Baby? Oh, I don't know.

I'm going my top three. Little Drummer Boy. Come They Told Me. Pa-da-pa-pum-pum. Yep. Then I'm going Feliz Navidad. Prospero Ano y Felicidad. And then I'm going Feliz Navidad. Prospero ano e felicidad. And then I'm going Mary's Boy Child.

Boney M. Boney M. She has a baby. I'll be the way you point the doubt trees. Oh, this is not good. I know. That's Eartha Kitt. Ariana Grande did a version two. No.

She'll sexy baby voice it. I know. Oh, no. Oh, I remember this. She's hitting it a bit harder. Okay, yep. That's my three. Fletch. We're going to need some background Christmas.

Oh, okay. Give us some background Christmas. I'm just clicking on Artist Santa. The mince pie song? This could be. Ho, ho, ho. I smell mince pies. Oh. Did the Wiggles do a pie song? This could be. Ho, ho, ho. I smell mince pies. Oh.

Did the Wiggles do a Christmas song? Great contender. Everybody does a Christmas song because they want Wiggles, Christmas. Everybody's trying to get.

Yeah. Oh yeah, the Wiggles did a Wiggly Wiggly Christmas. Okay. This was the Emma led line up that did Wiggly Wiggly Christmas album.

She's the best. Ho, ho, ho. Yeah. The Emma-led line-up that did Wiggly Wiggly Christmas album. She's the best. You know me, I love the Wiggles, but this is not a classic. It's not a classic? No. Not a classic, yeah. What about Bing Crosby? Silver bells, silver bells. There's so many.

There's actually so many Yeah So we all agree that Boney M's number one Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Oh yeah Yeah, there's the Wiggles to the Version of that as well Yeah

Man, this Wiggles album For a Christmas album I've never heard of Had some plays I forgot about that Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer Yes, that's cute Who sung that? Is that explicit? Kevin Bloody Wilson?

Kevin Bloody Wilson, was it? No. Oh my God, speaking of explicit. Elmo and Patsy, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. What's the living, terrible one? The Pogues. The Pogues. The Pogues, Fairytale, New York.

Yeah. That's a great one. Aaron Crank's there. I get Boney M, he gets the Pogues. It's a good song. And we sort of turn a blind eye to the one line. You's a great one. Aaron cranks that. I get Boney M, he gets the Pogues. It's a good song. And we sort of turn a blind eye to the one line. You beep out the line. It's played.

It's censored. We play the censored version. What's this? This is Grandma Got Run Over by the Reindeer. Grandma Got Run Over by the Reindeer. Why did we both think this was Kevin Bloody Wilson? Because it's got that kind of... He might have done a version, maybe.

It would have been way worse. I'm looking up. Kev's done a Christmas album. Kevin Bloody Wilson did a Christmas album. Oh, we're not playing that. I can't even read the titles of songs on it. Okay, right. Yeah, fair enough.

No, we won't do that. We won't do that. I don't know. Just pick a number one. Pick a number one. It's got to be Snoopy's Christmas. You're going Snoopy's? Yep.

I'm going Boney M. Yeah, Mariah. But I know that's trash. That's so predictable. You love the Pogues, and you sing it out word for word. I do love the Pogues song, because it's so weird how that ever caught on as a Christmas song. It's so predictable. You love the Pogues and you sing it out word for word. I do love the Pogues song because it's so weird how that ever caught on as a Christmas song. It's so aggressive. They're fighting like they're punching each other in the face.

It's Christmas. Yeah. That is your number one? Pogues, Fairytale of New York. Now they, and they being Tinder, have released the 10 emojis that are on the rise or have absolutely come out on top for this year. Right, these are the ones that people use on their bios that they can see. Yes, indeed. Okay.

So, and they're not what you would expect. See eggplant on there? I don't think I'd put an emoji in my bio. Pretty straight. It's pretty straight, isn't it? It's pretty boring. To not put one in. Yeah.

You'd just put something witty. I don't know what I'd do. Just put like, hey, hey. I can't imagine you on an app, Vaughn. Nah, certainly not. No, but you do love when the single gals in the office have Tinder. You do love a little bit of a swipe and a message. But I've got no skin in the game, you see.

Yes, exactly. It's easier to play when you've got no skin in the game. Yeah, true. Number 10 on the list of the top 10 is a rat. Okay. Yeah. Is there a reason why? Because if you put that if you are a self-proclaimed health and fitness

rat. Gym rat. Gym rat. Right. Okay. Yeah. Weird. Yuck. Next. Number 9 is. I hate rats so much. Yeah. When you see one like scurrying along the footpath like the other night,

I was just like... Oh, yeah, that's so gross. Wow. So the next one... Now, please, don't jump to conclusions. Let me finish first. Number nine is it's a man sort of kneeling on his knees. Okay.

Submissive. Is that an emoji? Is there a man on his knees. Okay. Submissive. Is that an emoji? Is there a man on his knees emoji? Like a simp status. Oh my God, I sound so old. Like it's like you go, if you really like something. Oh, there is a man on his knees.

It's right at the end of the human one. Yeah, if you really like something, you do that as in like, I'm like kneeling down before this thing. Yeah, right. So you'd be like Taylor Swift. And then you do that kneeling down. Right, right, right. I'm praying at the altar.

Yeah. Sort of sitch. The number eight is the shock phase. Yeah. But perhaps a bit more. No, no. This is when you put something that has That really shocks you

So you'd be like, Taylor Swift On my knees Will Smith slapping Chris Rock Weird thing to have in your Tinder bio It really is Quite strange Simping over someone I really had no idea.

Number seven is the Ukrainian flag. Oh, okay. Yeah. Showing support. That's cool. Showing support, indeed, on social issues. The one of the hour is Ukraine. And your Tinder profile.

But this is from Tinder profiles in Australasia. Yeah. That's cool. So then next is a trident. You know, like Poseidon's. Yeah. That's cool. So then next is a trident. You know, like Poseidon's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Neptune's trident. And that means that you are the king of crypto.

Like that's to signify that you would be the boss of the field. Ask that dude who had $29 million in crypto and now he's got $100,000 left in his bank account. Oh, sorry. If you had a little graph thing and then the trident, that would mean I'm the king of crypto. But you could have like there's a soldier with a busby on, like a big fluffy hat.

Yeah. So I'd put that for marching and then I have the trident. You're the king of marching. Oh, the king of marching. Yeah, good start. That'll get him. That's number six. Like the trident is king of the sea.

So the next one is a square that has, like, smoke in it, which I've never seen before. It looks like a grey, smoky square. Can you find that one for me? I don't know what it would be under. Is that easy to find? Smoke? Well, that'd just be a cigarette, wouldn't it? That's to signify that you can smell the smell of gaslighting from a mile off.

Right, so you won't be gaslit. You won't be gaslit. Yeah, I'm not going to stand for that. Clouds fog is what it stands for. So these are the most commonly used emojis in Tinder profiles. Yes, and number four is a kangaroo which simply means you're Australian made. Right, okay. So we would maybe put a kiwi. Is there a kiwi emoji?

No, there's not. There's a kiwi fruit. Yeah, you'd probably go kiwi fruit. And then... But they don't have a gold kiwi fruit. And I'm purely a gold kiwi fruit. Something such a kiwi snob. The green kiwi fruit, the middle bit's too hard.

And it's not as mushy. It's too corey. It's too corey. I don't have the green ones. Neither. I'm done with green. They can be so sour. I want to get on to these red ones.

I heard they're making red ones. That's the next. And apparently it's really yum. It's like when carrots turned orange, everyone was like, I'm used to my purple carrots. Yeah. And now the purple carrots are the real ones. the yellow carrots, you know, the other ones to get.

They're fancy. Great carrot chat, guys. Okay, we're at the top three. Number three is a red flag, but you use it kind of ironically. Right. So you might go like, is breakfast for dinner a red flag? Only murdered three people? Red flag.

Yeah. Is that a red? Yeah, you've used that correctly. Yeah. Okay,. Only murdered three people. Red flag. Yeah. Is that a red? Yeah, you've used that correctly. Yeah, okay, good, good. And then number two is a heart with a bandage around it. It's basically a sign to the players being like, hey, I've been hurt before. Yeah.

I'm not here to be hurt again. Okay, so did you just smell your watch? Oh, my watch stinks. Yeah, you need to maybe wipe that down. So then the most commonly used emoji on a Tinder profile for 2022 is the parking

symbol. A blue square with a P in it. So... Is that to say I've got parking in my house, come around? No, the parking symbol has been repurposed by singles to represent pushing positivity and was used most this year.

Oh, God, no. So they're letting me know that positivity is where they're at. Oh, my God, they're going to post data quotes. I just put one in our group chat. Luggage, because it sounds like they're carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Yeah, that's a goodie. I'm pushing positivity. That sounds like they're carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Yeah, that's a goodie. I'm pushing positivity.

That just means their daily Instagram stories are going to be like quotes. I want you to look in the mirror this morning and tell yourself you love yourself because you are enough. You can't love someone else until you love yourself.

That's what I always say when I'm justifying an afternoon. Nap. Nap. Yeah, because that's love. That's self-love, baby. I know, I do my self-love before the nap. It really helps you get into the sleep mode. It knocks you right out.

Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. ZM FM. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages.

It's your segment, by you, for you. Yeah. There's another you. If you see any on your local page, screenshot them and send them to our socials. Oh, please. FBH. ZM.

By all means. Let's pop down to Clive, where the Clive Residence Group member Kate has posted. To the naked male walking the East Clive limestone track. What the F? What? Hashtag percentage K. Naked? Yeah.

Clive. South? Naked? It's not Clive. Naked. Yeah, Clive. South? Naked. It's not Clive. It might be Hawke's Bay. Oh, I'm getting my Clides confused with my Clives. Is there a limestone trail? I was thinking down by Oamaru.

Well, no, you think about out on the way to the Gannet Colony. Those were all limestones out there, wasn't it? Oh, yeah, that's all limestones. That's beautiful. That's a beautiful walk out there. And doing it nude. Yes. Put your clothes on in public places. If I see you naked out again, I't it? That's beautiful. That's a beautiful walk out there. And doing it nude. Yes. Put your clothes on

in public places. If I see you naked out again, I'll call the cops. Locals, don't let your kids on the track without an ad and I'm really unsure to make of what I've just witnessed.

Jeepers. Apparently they've got a limestone factory. That's cute. We should go. That's cute. We should go. I love Clive.

It's pretty. Wait, you've never heard of it just before? No, well you said Clivesdale or something. I said Clive. It's pretty. Wait, you'd never heard of it just before? No, well, you said Clivesdale or something. I said Clive's resident group. Kate. I said Kate. I've got to admit I wasn't listening.

That's all right. I've just arrived back in the conversation. That's all right. Hey, at least you're honest. Welcome back. I've got to tell you. Earl's got a question. Age and skin colour, please.

I may have seen this person over the last few weeks as well, but wasn't too sure as it was from a distance, and I thought it was unusual that they would be wearing clothes all the same colour. That's it. Go to OPSM, mate. Yeah. Yeah. Get your eyes checked.

So I want to know, I know where they live if our descriptions match up. Oh, okay. Yeah. So Kate's said I'll PM you. If you want up. Oh, okay. Yeah. So Kate said, I'll PM you. If you want to be nude, go for it. But go to a proper spot. Private property. Do it on your private property.

Heather writes, and I don't know, Heather, it is not illegal to be naked in public in New Zealand. It is. It's a decent exposure. Yeah, you can be naked in public in New Zealand, right, but it's when someone sees you that doesn't want to see a willy or a fanny or a boobie or a bum. Yes.

That's when problems happen. Yes. Yeah. So then Fran pipes in with a little bit, I told you we should have gone for the walk there tonight, to her friend Christy. And she said, no, it feels we made the right decision

to skip that one. Yeah, right. So any updates on the naked local of Clive, please? Yeah, let us know. We'd love to know. Samantha sent us this. This was listed for sale in Alexandria in Otago. Someone's selling a white-tailed spider for $100.

Oh, no. Get rid of that. What's the deal with you? Stomp it. Buying and selling spiders online in New Zealand. Yeah, I don't know. I guess you can. No.

Mint condition, says the seller, Matt. Mint condition, big as F, white tail. One owner. Don't lowball me. I know what I've got here and what it's worth. $100. He's holding. Yeah, good stuff. He's holding pretty still on there. Yeah, I don't lowball me, I know what I've got here and what it's worth. $100, he's holding... Yeah, good stuff.

He's holding pretty still on there. Yeah, I don't know, would anybody want that? Because they're not rare, but you don't see them all the time. They're not like a daddy longlegs, the old whitetail. I don't even know if you're allowed to sell insects. No, I haven't seen a whitetail for ages. The Wildlife Act of 1953, New Zealand legislation. Legislation. No person shall farm, breed, or sell, or capture, or convey,

or keep in captivity for the purposes of farming, breeding, or selling any wildlife specified in... I've got to click the link. Oh, now it's a massive PDF of a government document. I was wondering if you had yourself a legal document that was slightly more complicated than a quick squim. I wanted to say spiders. But yeah, there are rules about killing wildlife

and using them for certain purposes. Right. But I don't think a white tail would be protected, so you'd probably be fine. No, you can kill it, but what I'm talking about is selling it. Oh, do you want to hear about infringement offences related to homing pigeons? Stand by. A person must not hunt, kill, disable or otherwise injured in seer

or detain a homing pigeon belonging to another person. Who knew? How do you tell who owns the pigeon? Would it be like taking a postie hostage, wouldn't it? Yeah, I suppose so. Locking them in your garage, because then the mail wouldn't get to the people. Yeah. But no, it would be more like capturing a racehorse

or a greyhound that was somebody else's mid-race. No, it's like capturing a postie, because they've got a mail. But homing pigeons don't take the mail anymore. They just find their way home. You could attach messages to them. Well, why are there infringement offences relating to homing pigeons?

Well, because they're somebody else's property, but they could be confused with an ordinary pigeon, which I believe are up for grabs. Yeah, you can take them. It's actually also unlawful to tamper with a pigeon. Oh, yeah, you don't want to tamper. Don't tamper with pigeons. Don't touch them.

Don't tamper with a pigeon. Don't near them. Pigeons are gross. Pigeons, get rid of them. Or not the kereru, the kereru, the native wood pigeon. They can stay. Beautiful. Only pigeon I like.

The homing pigeon. What about those white ones they release when there's a war or someone's dead? What are those? Those are doves. What's the difference? Colour. Is that all? So they're pigeons.

Doves, pigeons. They're of pigeon. They're of the same. Because that's what I remember seeing something recently. It was said in a podcast I was listening to. They said it's like the pigeon dove situation. Everyone loves doves. Yeah.

But they're just white pigeons. No, but they're littler. Are doves pigeons? Can you please follow up a quick Google of are doves pigeons? Okay, I've just Googled that. Phil, if we leave, we can't come back. No, yeah. Pigeons and doves belong to the same families

of birds. Cousins. Yeah. There are more than 300 species that fall under that. Yeah. Yeah. There are more than 300 species. That fall under that. Yeah. Okay. Well, that makes sense because cousins look the same but are different. You might see someone out and you're like, oh, who's this very attractive person you're with? And they say, this is my cousin.

And you're like, interesting. Interesting. If anyone thinks that your cousin is hot but you don't identify as hot, you're the pigeon. You're the pigeon, not the dove. You're the pigeon, not the dove. I'm sorry to all my cousins who now have to realise that they're the pigeons. I'm the pigeon.

And I'm the... What is that? What is that? It's a seagull. Have you ever seen a pigeon? You guys don't know birds, do you? No. I'm a huge fan.

I'm not following them so much. This is from my hometown. Hooray! The Morrinsville... Math Capital. ...Community Notice Board. Oh, my God. Oh, get a grip.

Hey, hey, hey. Someone seems to have had a mishap here in Lockerbie. I turned up to the building site to find someone has soiled themselves and left their shorts and underwear along with their keys and vape. Classic. You don't want to be leaving your keys behind. Well, no, you've left the evidence. The mystery pants shitter must drive a Mazda.

Please inform this person if you know them to tell them to bring a shovel, clean up their shit. It's an absolute mess and it's stinking at our work site. Oh no. You just leave the keys. They abandoned their knickers. Oh no. That's an emergency. If you have to abandon your knickers, you know you've really shat yourself. Oh my god.

Yeah. Oh, I'm looking forward to it. We've all had to abandon knickers. We've all had to put a set of knickers in the bin. But the vape and the keys being left behind tells me it might have been drunk. There might have been some booze involved. God, when you get so drunk, you cack yourself. Oh, God.

That's bad news. That's why I'm really happy to have a schedule, a pooping schedule, that is always in the morning. Because people that poop at clubs. What? No. You're pooping at the wrong end of the day. Because people that poop at clubs. What? No. You're pooping at the wrong end of the day. Yeah.

You know? Han. Han. What? When people are in the cubicles at clubs, they're not always pooping. Yeah. What are they doing?

Powdering their nose. Yeah. Oh my God. The inside of it. Good Lord. Sometimes. I'm so innocent. You are so naive.

Honestly, the most innocent man I know. That's what I like about innocent you are so naive honestly the most innocent man I know that's what I like about you you're naive naivete naivete naivete

naivete David David David those are today's community notices if you see anything on your local

Facebook page just go and send it to us F-V-H-Z-M thank you yesterday when we were looking at Okay, have it and send it to us. F-V-H-Z-M. Thank you. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Yesterday, when we were looking at, we'll talk about this again. Are we talking about today?

The ice cream index? Monday. Monday. Okay, we'll talk more about the ice cream index Monday, but it was when we were looking at a map of New Zealand to get this ice cream index underway. If you missed that, that's going to be, we're going to get a list of the best places

to get a bloody big rolled ice cream this summer. Oh, yeah. So you'll be able to dilly-dally and be disappointed when you finally find one and they make a pathetic size two scoop that's actually only two scoops. Yeah, it'll be an exhaustive index of where to get the best ice cream. Exhaustive. That's when producer Jarrett said,

what are these ones out here? And pointed on a map to the Chathams. Oh, my God. Chatham Island. Didn't know about the Chathams. I thought the Chathams were the one right at the bottom of the south, but I've just recently found out that's Stewart. That's Stewart.

That's one of my favourite islands. And there are ones further down too. And it's confusing because they're called the Auckland Islands, but they're way down south. They're so far away from Auckland. They're sub-Arctic, aren't they, in Auckland? Yeah. That was a great whaling outpost.

In the 1800s? Chatham Islands, it's part of New Zealand. Do people live there? My friend lives there, yeah. What does your friend do there? My friend moved there years ago. Why? Because he got a job on a fishing boat.

Yep. And so they went temporarily, they were going to earn some money. And then the money was so good. Fishers, farmers, and seafood. They've been there for like eight years. Wow. They've raised four kids there.

And when they get the Maui dolphins in the nets, they just chuck them over the side or into the cans? No, no, no. Plenty of them on Maui. We're jest, but America's banned some of our fish exports. They have. Because we are not doing enough to protect that beautiful little thing. So there are just over 600 people that live on the Chatham Islands.

I thought it was more. I've watched a country calendar or two about the Chathams. Wild. I love it. It's wild out there. I'd love to visit. Yes. How would I?

Do they have a radio station? Bound to. Do they get like us down there? Do we go down there? Yeah, hang on. Maybe on the iHeartRadio. Well, on iHeartRadio. On iHeartRadio.

Chatham Islands Radio was a New Zealand post. It was. That's in 1913. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. So let's see. ZLC is the Chatham Islands Radio station. ZLC, you're listening to.

Yeah, that's all I can find on it. Right, okay. Goodness. Wow. Chatham Islands, yeah, ZLC. Right. Well, you just learned it existed yesterday. Yeah, I was never really good at, like, geometry at school, so.

Nope, geography. Geology. Geology is rocks. Geology is rocks. Geometry is man-ass. I wasn't good at that one either. No, yeah. And geographies. Places. Geology is rocks. Geometry is man ass. I wasn't good at that one either. And geography is places. Places and people.

Felicia. Well, you learnt this two days before your 29th birthday. Wow. 29. He's growing up. 29 tomorrow. He's a fresh-faced boy, isn't he? Right before our eyes.

I've gotten quite haggard if I compare myself to DJ Jazzy Pizzle as I like to call him. Well, it's the vape juice that keeps him young. Yeah, it's like formaldehyde. It's the vape juice and the ready bees. The ready bees. He could drop dead at any moment, but he looks

perfect. His insides are like as empty as a cathedral. The acoustics inside that man, he's just... Every time I see you, I do want to just give him a head of broccoli, you know, and a cuddle. Well, we've got a little surprise for your birthday, which is tomorrow. And I've run this by Fletch, and this was much to his chagrin.

Is that the right use of the word chagrin? Chagrin, yeah. Chagrin. It's a great word. He disagreed with it. Annoyance or distress at having failed or been humiliated. Oh, not quite then. Or feel distressed or humiliated.

Well, you were distressed about this, because I thought there would be no more ultimate gift than to give you, what are we thinking, 30 seconds, a minute? 30 seconds. Of airtime. Absolute max. Of airtime on the show to discuss, because behind the scenes you won't know this, but Jared is always trying to work nerdy content into the show and I'm here for it. Like yesterday he said that the, who was using D&D as therapy?

Psychiatrist. Psychiatrist was using Dungeons & Dragons as therapy And Fletcher's like, no! And Hayley and I always have to say no to their nerd chats We do, we're like, hey guys We were gaming online with our dragons at the weekend And Hayley and I are like, stop talking now It's contraceptive

So your gift is some air time to discuss anything nerdy you would like to discuss. Oh my goodness. I've got a 30 second timer and when it ends, you're to shush. So I don't get any prep time? No. No, but we can't interrupt. You're ad-libbing. Okay.

Okay. You're not allowed to interrupt. If you two interrupt, you have to restart the 30 second timer. Oh no way. Absolutely not. Okay, well, for your birthday, Jared, you have 30 seconds now to talk about whatever nerd shit you want. Oh, thank you.

So this is a little tale about a group of adventurers by the name of the Shattered Brotherhood. We have Ulgug Borkle, the Orc Barbarian. We have Captain Viento Volador, the Airship Captain slash Gunslinger. Is that Vaughn? Yeah. We have... Oh, she interrupted.

Stop. No! Hayley, no! Start it again. She interrupted. Stop. Hayley! Sorry, Clare.

Listen, Clare. This is my campaign, baby. Sorry. Stop it 30 seconds again. How do you have a girlfriend? I'm sorry. She's hot. And she's hot.

Captain Vienta Volador, the airship captain gunslinger. Then we travel on to Vervin Zurthorn, the dwarf cleric. And Henry Zebrowski, the human warrior. These fellows have travelled the lands far and wide, the lands of Tal'Dorei. Recently, they've slain vampires. They've taken down evil cults. They don't know this,

but they've actually ruined the cult's main mission. The cult has then had to regroup. They're now on their way to the social event of the year. Wait, let us say what the social event of the year is. What's the social event of the year? Oktoberfest. Oh, my God. Oh my god. You nerds.

That was so horrible. That was, ooh. Who's Henry? Henry Zebrowski. That's Auburn. He's a Eldritch Knight. Oh my god. Of course he's a Eldritch Knight. Of course he is, yeah. And there's a cleric. So this is the characters

within your D&D circle. Yeah. That you guys spend. Can I also note that you guys spend hours on a Friday night. I know. Do you know what we're doing tonight? Oh, I don't know. Let me just give you a little bit of background.

Jared controls it. He's the DM, so he doesn't get to play. What's DM stand for? Dungeon Master. Which stands for different things in different circles. This is the nerdy circle. Like literally Hayley and I are getting drunk on Aperol's

and espresso martinis tonight because Jared wants to play and it's his birthday. We've hired someone who's going to run a Dungeons and Dragons session for us so Jared can play and look at how absolutely fizzed he is. He's so excited, guys. He's been so fizzed all week.

I haven't actually played in like five years. I feel like I need a shower or something. I feel icky. Yeah, I need like a shot or something. And we've both got hot partners. Does that drive everybody else crazy? Crazy. Ladies.

Play ZM's Fletch for the daily. Play ZM. Now, a lot of dating apps. What have we got? Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, Grindr, the one that's on Thursday, Trade Me Personals. Well, yeah, because people have hooked up on Trade Me, haven't they? Yeah, absolutely.

Just gone around to pick up their trailer and that couch and fallen in love. Yeah. Wow. But there is a new type of dating app that is looking into our issue with animal adoption. Especially this time of the year, they always say the numbers of animals being left with them or...

And it's getting worse because it's been spring, so animals are having kittens and puppies. And also, times are tough. And people are like, I can't even afford to feed myself, let alone tins of jelly meat or bags of biscuits every week. And you always go like, oh, I can buy a bag of biscuits. But you're like, yeah, but what if your cat got injured? What if your cat got sick?

It's a big commitment. However, we don't want to deter you from adopting animals because they need forever homes if you have the ability to do so. So there is a website called MyHuman.com that is using a sort of swiping campaign to encourage people to give up on humans and match with an animal instead, and match with a cat instead.

So you go onto the MyHuman app and you can swipe and look at cats and swipe left or right for yes or no and then you match with them and then you can find out more about the cats. But is this just going to be like Tinder and every other dating app? You're only going to match the cuties?

Yeah, the cute cats and the cute puppies? Have you ever seen a cat that's not cute other than one that's bald and they shouldn't exist? Yeah. I know people that love bald cats. They've got a – Scrotal cats. Scrotal cats. Scrot cats.

Scrotty cats. Sick cats. Because they look like – every now and then up on my reels on Instagram and stuff, there'll be someone shampooing their hairless cat because you have to clean them. Yeah. Can't they clean themselves?

No, they're all like oily and stuff. Oh, yeah. It doesn't have the fur to sort of go into, so they're gross. They're like... Why do you want a cat that looks like... A cat in the sink. It's so gross.

Yeah, what do you want a cat that looks like a really old man? All animals deserve love, except for hairless cats. So this is, this is really cute. They've got little cats and they've got little profiles about their personalities and their little traits. They've got little cute photos of them looking at you.

And they're trying to, obviously it's a marketing campaign, but they're also trying to make the adoption process easier. Yeah, right. Because it can be complicated. And so they're just going to go through the app, you can put in your information, and then you get your cat. Right. And is this New Zealand or just an overseas thing?

I think there are other ones overseas. Right. Okay. Otherwise, SPCA, you know, your local animal rescue. Yeah. If you're looking for a pet this Christmas. The place where we got Richie, our dog, we rescued him, chain dog rehab, because people are always like,

how did you get a golden retriever from a rescue? Yeah, because usually they're more like muddy. Yeah, no breeds kind of above being mistreated or neglected in some way. They just got more, I'll just point you towards them, because lots of people asked me at the time, and I said to lots of people, if I ever see that they've got golden retrievers, I'll just point you towards them because lots of people asked me at the time and I said to lots of people, if I ever see that they've got golden retrievers, I'll let you know. So yeah, Chainedog Rehab NZ

on Instagram. Scroll down a couple and see some very chonky boys. They are chonky. Golden retrievers will get very, very fat if you just keep giving them food and I tell you what, they'll just keep taking food. Yeah. Sounds like me. And then they've got to go'll just keep taking food. Yeah. Sounds like me too.

And then they've got to go on a bit of a summer diet, get the summer bod, and then they're going to be up for adoptions. Keep an eye on that. This is terrible. 45% decrease in dog adoptions this year and a 50% increase in people surrendering their pets to shelters. When times get tough, it's really sad. But animals. They're saying 2022 is the worst kitten season on record.

Oh, that's sad. If you can take one in. But don't if you're not in a position to. But I am. I'm in a position to. I can give you a couple more. Erin, Erin, Erin, please. I could do five.

I could do five i could do five play zms fledgeborn and hayley um yesterday yesterday at the gym i was bra bra chebra uh on the machine bro it's working out bro bra i was upstairs on the machines bro yeah bro and just out of the corner what you're lifting these days up a body bra oh tons man tons tons yeah tons that's how i do it i I'm all about, like, the collective amount. Oh, yeah, over there. So, you know, you do 20, you get a 20kg barbell and do 20 curls with it. That's 400kgs. Yeah, yeah, baby.

You just lifted 400kgs. Yeah, baby. Sort of a collective weight. Yeah, right. Okay. Because you could do it once with 400kgs. Good on you, but I could do it 20 times with 20kgs. Same, same.

Same, same, different. Same thing. We both lifted 400kgs at Good on you, but I could do it 20 times with 20 kgs. Same, same. Same, same, same. That's the same thing. We both lifted 400 kgs at different times. Sure. So out of the corner of my eye yesterday at the gym, I see someone frantically waving at me, and I look up, and it's Hayley. That'd be nothing for you at the gym, wouldn't it? Hayley

Sproul. It's like hunting ground down there. You're like a poacher. Absolutely hunting ground. Sneaking in the underbrush. What are you talking about? Sneaking in the underbrush. If we're going to say anything about the gym. Well, no, I'm clean slate. Because you've been caught out for being a gym pest. I have not.

I regularly check. Well, let's open our private chat. Let's open our private chat. So what do you say to the girls at the gym? I say, no one's reported me for any inappropriate. You even check. There was someone at the gym the other day and no one knew where to look. Even the women were all just like, where do we go?

I know, it's so uncomfortable because if someone's right in front of you, you don't want to be looking, but then where do you look? And then you get this all the time, obviously. All the time. You feel the constant weight of the male gaze. Constant. Even though you're in the female only part of the gym.

I can feel it from under the floor. It's coming up through the floor. It's penetrating, yeah. So when you come down from the women's gym, there's like a middle ground, so it's up two flights. Like a mezzanine floor. A mezzanine floor where there's bikes and the cardio equipment. And I like poked my head around and I saw Fletch on the chest press.

My God, he's pushing some weight, by the way. Which one's the chest press? The one where it presses on the chest press. My God, he's pushing some weight, by the way. Which one's the chest press? The one where it presses from the chest. You're in a sat position. You're pushing it forward. And he was... Sort of like a... What's the one where you lie down and do it?

Chest press. Yeah, like dumbbell press. So you're doing a seated... I'm doing a seated press. So that's like a barbell press for babies. So, yeah, if you're not being a bitch. She's being a little bitch over there. I have a slip disc. I have a slip press. Right, so that's like a barbell press for babies. So, yeah, if you're not being a bitch. She's being a little bitch

over there. I have a slipped disc. I have a slipped disc so it's better, it's safer in the seated position. Slippery discs. Yeah, so who's

a prick now? Oh, me. It's me. He's injured. It's me, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so I saw him absolutely pushing this way

and I was like, I'm going to try to catch his eye because he looked very serious because he was really like pushing the weight. I was like, I'm going to try to catch his eye because he looked very serious. Because he was really like pushing the weight. I was like, eww. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, eww. And so I was looking like this and I was doing a little movement around the balcony and he wouldn't look.

And so the moment he finally caught my eye, I lifted up my top and I flashed him. And of course I laughed. And this guy next to me was just looking up and just started laughing. Because I momentarily forgot that we were in a room of probably about 100 other people. Yeah, yeah, lots of other people. Yeah, and I just thought this would be funny. This will make Fletch laugh while he's lifting the civil way. So he could drop it on himself and hurt his slipped disc even.

No, you can't drop it on yourself when you're being a little bee. No, you can't. So yeah, I flashed him and then this, and I came downstairs laughing when this other guy then said to you that you should charge me for sexual harassment. Well, he said if you need a witness for a harassment case. I saw that. But I think he appreciated it.

He did laugh. He was blushing. And when it came downstairs, he couldn't look me in the eye. So that one was, that was, it was just for free. And maybe I'll... I was going to say I'll save my flashing for private occasions, but that just feels even weirder. Yeah, that's...

So if you see me at the gym, you never know. Never know. Never know what I'll do. Now from the positive to the very negative. Yesterday afternoon, before I went to pick my children up from school, Sade was doing something. Shopping.

Probably having a tacti-cry. Probably a tacti-cry. Yeah. Or a tacti-shop. Yeah. Get that out of your system. I went outside to let the cows over. What does that mean?

We'll take down a fence and go to the next part of the grass. I would have been outside for seven minutes max. Now, I know, Vaughan, that's weird. Why didn't you say seven? Why didn't you say five? Why didn't you say ten? Because those were both incorrect. Oh, okay, yeah. Seven minutes max. It's an uneven number though.

And I come back in and I hear a rustling and I know and it's coming from the pantry and I'm like, that bastard cat. That's what I said. Our cat that we got in June? From producer Anna. Yeah, who she was fostering him.

We renamed him Cheeto because he's orange. And I walked in and this little, we've never had a cat that's been so on the bench the whole time. Like spray him with water, get down, turn your back, he's back up. Spray him with water again, Down, up, down like dumb. Have you tried clapping at him? I clap. I yell. I throw things.

I throw things to get him off the bench. This is the problem with rescue cats. My rescue cat has destroyed my couch. No, not a rescue cat. When you rescue a cat, you generally make a donation to the person. Yeah, I paid the breeder to release him out of captivity. A four-figure number. To release.

I saved this cat. Sort of a terrorist negotiation of sorts. Yeah. But it's what the cat was tearing into in the pantry that really got my goat. Okay. Mints. No. And that would be acceptable.

Yeah. Why would you put mints in the pantry? Well, no, it would be annoying to defrost. To defrost. To defrost. Put it in the sink, you know? Cover it up. Not that silly now, is it? Oh, I forgot you've got a but Yeah. Well, no, it would be annoying to defrost. To defrost. To defrost, put it in the sink, you know? Cover it up. Not that silly now, is it? Oh, I forgot you've got a butler's pantry, don't you?

With a sink in it. That's where the butler goes. The scullery. Now, why the butler wasn't watching the pantry more closely. Where was old Jeeves? Well, I assume having a tactical cry. With Sade. With Sade.

He does spend a lot of time with your wife. He does. The butler, just saying. She's very polite, too, and she loves a boy with manners. Yeah. I'm going to investigate that for her this weekend. But if you could understand if it was meat that you were defrosting or anything like that, which he has done,

but it was sachets of Uncle Toby's oats. The ones I eat every morning. Raw oats. The big bowl, creamy Honey, Uncle Toby's. Wait, cats don't eat oats. 90-second porridge. Cats don't eat oats. Cats don't eat oats.

And you know what else he's done? And he'd done it again yesterday, and I hadn't noticed straight away. He'd eaten three or four slices of white bread. Why has this cat got such a craving for carbohydrates? Is your cat an old white man? Is he bulking? Is he in a bulk? He's in the dirty bulk.

So how many packets of oats did he eat? Four. He tore open and ate four. My God, the proats bra, though. Well, he got them out of the box. Got them out of the box, flipped the box over and ripped them into them. And then ate them. And then ate the oats.

And then ate the oats. Four packets. Look, this is the shambles that I walked around the corner to. Oh my god. They're all oats all over the floor. And he's just nomming them up. Nomming them up. That is nuts. Nomming them up. I lost my

mind. Like, I screamed. The candle's been locked. It's a one-way situation now. It can go out. It cannot come back in. So, I screamed. The cat door's been locked. It's a one-way situation now. It can go out. It cannot come back in. So, why oats? That's such a weird thing for a cat to eat. They're usually going for your either your dairies. Yeah, love a bit of cheese. Meats.

Yeah, yogurts. Meats completely understand. Like, now when we're defrosting meat, we put a big chopping block over the sink so we can't get into it. If we open a packet of ham, you can hear the cat flap. No, that's not unusual. No, but that's the only meat

because he's a dry food cat. Strictly dry food. That's why he's in such good health. Right. Poor bastard. Nice. Mine's dry. He has a great coat.

Dry food only. Dry food, that's why. I've really turned around this rescue cat. That's why. God. So much health here. So much really turned around this rescue cat. That's why. God. So much upbringing. Yeah.

So much healthier. Yeah, wow. So I was wondering this morning if we could take some calls on the unusual thing that your pet has a taste for. Like what business does a cat have eating starchy white carbohydrates? Does my stale toilet water count? Why do they do that? Our dogs will drink out of muddy puddles.

They've got a fresh bowl of water on the deck. Yeah. What are they doing that for? I know. All right, well, 0800DARLSATM is the number. You can text us as well, 9696. What does your pet have an unusual taste for? Oats?

Human food? What's a cat doing eating oats? What's a cat doing eating oats? What's a cat doing eating oats? The cat is broken. So Vaughn's cat has been eating oats. Stupid cat. Porridge oats. It's been opening the box, ripping the packets open.

Anybody give their pet a real dressing down like in English when you know the cat's got no idea what's going on? Like the cat. When I was drinking, I picked the cat up. I smushed its face in the oats a little bit. Well, you know like if a dog shits inside, you smush the dog's nose in it. You don't smush.

I'm an 80s parent. So I smushed the cat, I picked it up and I said to the cat when I was carrying it out, put it in the laundry and chuck it outside, I say, you really are my shitless now, cat. I love telling, I'd say, you're really on the shit list now, cat. I love telling a cat like an understand. You're really on the shit list now, cat. You're parenting that cat like the 80s.

I take away my cat's toys, I give him a little time out, and I say, you think about what you've done, Major Murray Flippington. Right, and your cat continues to be a shit bag, and mine is going to be in the military. My cat's just an angel. I give him anything he wants at whatever time he wants. Yeah, yours is going to be a killer. Yours is going to kill someone.

So many calls. Let's go to Sky first. What does your cat have a taste for that's a bit unusual? She used to because she unfortunately passed away. But she used to eat tobacco. Oh, like if you had a little rolly. She's got a durries. What on the bloody Port Royal?

Yeah. Yeah. So my brother used to have all his rollies in his packet and he'll wake up and she's eating them. She's chewing the tobacco. Tobacco does. Tobacco's very. Scent.

You know how cats really love a scent. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Sky. Amazing. It'll be so chilled out from the nicotine. Like yum.

Yeah. Cass, what does your pet have an unusual taste for? My cat loves eating burgerings. What? Yeah, like, I'll just get some munchies, and then I'll go on my bed, and then I hear the cat come along, and she just comes on the bed and just sort of meows there

and waits for some burgerings. Cats love chips. They love salty. Salty vinegar chips, you hold it down and a cat will have a lick of it. Wow, burger rings. I would have thought the flavour was too strong. What is it?

You know, she loves them, eh? Bacon-y. Amazing. Cass, thank you. Jess, your cat also has a taste for the porridge. One cat's like a stoner. He's got the munchies. The other one's doing that dip tobacco thing

in the corner of his mouth. It's like... Chewing. He's got the munchies. The other one's doing that dip tobacco thing in the corner. Chewing tobacco? Good morning, Jess. Now your cat, what else apart from porridge? So he loves all the scrambled eggs. He used to go to the neighbour's house and steal

mummoy on toast, but also samosas and bring them home and eat them. Samosa? Yeah, but who can say no to a samosa? My cat loves a bit of a curry. If I leave my curry bowl out, he absolutely laps up the curry. What kind of curry do you get? Is it a creamy curry? Yeah, because I love cream.

Like a super kiwi mild butter chicken. Right, yeah. I can see why. Loves the cream. Loves the cream. But Jess's cat loves a brekkie. Oh, yeah. What's your cat's name, Jess?

Modji. Modji. Modji likes the poroji. Get out of the poroji, Modji. Oh, yeah. What's your cat's name, Jess? Modgy. Modgy. Modgy likes the parodgy. Get out of the parodgy, Modgy. Modgy. Thank you for your call, Jess. Katie, this is your, is it a cat, Neville? Yeah.

She really likes eggs, but she only likes the egg yolk. Neville's a female cat? Neville is a girl, yeah. Yeah, okay, okay. Yeah, okay. Yeah, right, and so if you're having breakfast, will you just make an extra egg for Nev? Yeah, yeah, like if I have eggs on toast, she will sit there staring at me

until I give her some. So it's just easier now to just cook her her own egg. Weird. Amazing. It's so weird, eggs and cats. Katie, thank you. Some messages in. Somebody else said that their cat had a real taste for bread and they had to get a bread bin. Now, where to get a bread bin in 2022?

A bread bin to me is in Kmart. I'm going to speak on behalf of Sade here. You're not getting a bread bin. That is not part of your aesthetic. Is there a modern, is there a Scandi minimalist bread bin? Sade, I got you. The Scandis must keep their bread somewhere. No, you don't.

Anko, $22 for a bread bin at Kmart. That's the bread. I love the rolly door bread bins. I know, I love the rolly door. It reminds me of Nan's house. Sade, I'm doing my best here. You're not getting one. Rolly door bread bin.

What's under the garage? It's Mollenberg. And it's gone moldy. It's Plowman's. It's Plowman's. You could keep your Plowman's. You're on big Plowman's money at the moment. Well, that's the only bread I eat. Plowman it's plowman you could keep your plowman you're on big plowman's money at the moment

well that's the only bread I eat plowman's it's all you eat actually yeah it was part of my contract because I can't eat anything but plowman's bread there's nothing on it and at the moment

you just your turds look like muesli oh my god so many nuts and seeds I know alright also thank you for the 10,554 text messages

we haven't had time to get to them. Oh. Play ZM's Fletch Vordernaley. Play ZM's. Fact of the day User submitted Okay User submitted

We'll see how they go Kate Pickford Messaged me on Instagram Old pickpicks Old pickpicks She said Kia ora Vaughan And at the moment

I actually want to find the rest of the conversation I had with Kate Fascinating individual Oh, Katie Bye, Katie Oh, Katie Oh, Katie Don't say it Don't say it

We're one of us, aren't we? Katie is currently studying Doing a PhD in First World War propaganda at Oxford University. How fascinating. Oh, your two dictionaries of choice, isn't it? The Oxford, whereas I'm a bit more of your everyday fellow. We're purists.

I'm more of a Collins. Yeah, you're a Collins. Oh, I thought you were an Urban. I actually just wanted to check. Very much Urban Dictionary. So this is just World War I. That's actually Keith Urban's family's dictionary, isn't it? Oh, was it?

They look quite well for themselves in the world of English. Because I just watched the movie yesterday, Operation Mincemaid, which was a real operation in World War II. That's World War II. I'm currently watching Rogue Heroes, the story of the origins, the story of the SAS, and it is ticking all the boxes because I don't love World War II. I'm fascinated by World War II.

I understand World War II was a horrible, horrible, horrible event, a black mark on humanity, and so many terrible things happened, but fascinating time. What are you making of World War III so far? World War III is kicking off pretty much, you know, with a slow burn, slow build. I like how slowly more and more nations are getting involved and at the same time ignoring, you know,

civil threats within their own ranks and still finding problems with everybody else. But Katie's, by Katie, she's studying... Oh, Katie, oh, don't say it. Don't say it. Oh, I'm gonna need a moment. Katie is studying World War I propaganda, and this

is today's Fact of the Day. She brings me the word slogan. You know, you might think, oh, that, the Nike slogan is just do it. Our slogan is laugh out louder. Laugh out louder. Powered by chuckles. I thought it was hit music.

Lives here. Yeah. It also lives here. That's the station. Where does it live now? It still lives here. It's still residing within the station. Right.

But our show in particular, wait, is it our show in particular? Yes, us three. Laugh out louder. We are laugh out louder. Powered by chuckles. Yeah. Sort of a play on lol. So that's the slogan. So the word slogan is what you would call a Scottish Highland

war cry. Oh, okay. How amazing is that? Slogan, battle cry. It literally means slow is help, service. So like army, a group of people fighting for a cause who are coming to help. Yeah.

And gan is war, a cry. So in the middle of the battlefield, you'd be like, Laugh out louder. All right, you lot, just do it. Laugh. Hey, laser. Like that. Yeah.

Everybody had their war cries. Right. Yeah. So it wasn't called a war cry. It was called a slogan. Yeah, just do it. Scottish Highland tribes, when they were fighting or fighting against the English coming in, each would have their slogan.

Wow. Which was their war cry that they would scream. I don't know what Bravehearts was. You'll never buy better. Yes. That's right. That's what it is. Yep.

Lowest prices guaranteed. That was another Scottish tribe slogan. Yeah. And she said, as she goes on, because she's so, she's very interesting. Bye Katie. Bye Katie. Bye Katie. Don't say it. Don't say it.

Don't say it. Other propaganda-turned-marketing jargon from war, with the words target. In marketing, you talk about your target audience, who you're targeting. But that, of course, is about hitting people with projectiles. Bows and arrows. Be them guns or arrows.

Aim, like the aim of what you're trying to achieve. Aim comes from a military background because you're aiming something at somebody. Wow. Campaign, an advertising campaign. But, of course, the original use of the word campaign was campaigns of war. Yes, I've never thought of that.

And strategy. So like a campaign strategy would have been a war, how you're going to win the war, the strategy that you take into that campaign. Of course, now it never thought of that. And strategy. So like a campaign strategy would have been a war, how you're going to win the war, the strategy that you take into that campaign. Of course, now it's used in marketing. The modern day battlefield. Yes, it is indeed. Because they're all fighting for your dollar.

And pushing what they have to say. So is World War III really just advertising? Well, no. Let that lay. No, because a lot of people are currently homeless. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah. That's very, very true.

But our Katie, she's doing us proud over there. She listens to the podcast. Don't say it. She listens to the podcast and takes away a bit of her homesickness. She said, I mean, this is no good for the average listener listening, but for the visuals, and you can judge, dear listener, the reactions of my two co-workers here. This is what she walks past at Oxford

every day. Wow. Oh, that's beautiful. Look at that. Is it too late for me to get into Oxford? What could I do there? Marching? But then New Zealand marching is different, isn't it? Music, piano? Yeah, you could it? It is. Music piano?

Yeah, you could get in there and play a piano or two. So today's fact of the day is a slogan is originally what a Scottish Highland war cry was called. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Yeah. Play. It's Oliver Tree, Robin Schiltz, Miss You on ZM. That's a lot, isn't it?

Fletchvorn is a bit loud for you, is it? That's a lot. What are we, Is it 2006? Am I back in there? God's Kitchen, am I? Woo! Fletch Vaughan and Hayley's Monday Maestros. Well, Monday Maestros

will be set homework. We've got no idea what our challenge is. Producer Carwin joins us now. Kia ora. Kia ora. All right, what have you... I don't want to do too much over the weekend.

No, I think this will be relatively easy. Okay. She's generous, isn't she? Tell us, what are we in for, Producer Karwin? So, after Fletcher's spelling mistake last week, I was inspired. So, this Monday, you will be each having a go at

remembering as many letters as possible in New Zealand slash the world's longest place name. Whakarongoroa something. Already wrong. Already wrong. I believe there's a button bar with

the name. So it's got a lot of letters. Wait, do you want us to spell it or say it? No, spell it. Whoa. One more time for us? You're really good at remembering lines and numbers. I am.

Like Hayley has excelled at all of these memory ones. And I am Māori, so you guys are going down. Can we hear it one more time? Tau mata whakatangi hanga kōwawa o tamatea tiripu kaka peke maunga horonoko pokai whenua ki tanatahu. Do you have another name? Why don't spaces? Why is it so long?

I think it's about 80 litres. Oh, my goodness. The place where Tomatier, the man with the big knees, he's remembered for his big knees. No one wants to be remembered for their big knees. Strong legs, yes. Robust leg joints, sure. Would you rather be remembered for your big knees or your big forehead?

Me, personally. No, I didn't mean you. I didn't mean you've got a big forehead. No, I know, and I don't have big knees either, but I probably have a big knees or a big forehead? Me, personally. No, I didn't mean you. I didn't mean you've got a big forehead. No, I know, and I don't have big knees either, but I probably have a big forehead. You don't have a big forehead. Lots of people have big foreheads. I'm bald.

I'm all forehead. True. Forehead right down to the heels. Forehead to the crack of the ass. Wow. The place where Tumatea, the man with the big knees, who slid, climbed and swallowed mountains knowing his land he'd have played his flute

to his loved one. Oh lovely. Locals simply call it Taumata Hill. Taumata Whakatangianga. That's what I'll be spelling. Ko au au o Tamatea pokai whenua ki tana tahu. Alright well we've got

all weekend to practice. Monday Maestros on Monday. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Now, I think I mentioned this quite a while ago that Aaron keeps serving our tradies martinis. You did, yes. I believe it's the cocktail of their choice. I don't know.

Literally a spates or a steiny or something. Yeah. So all these renovations are happening and he'll stop down and say, would you like a martini? Well, often they'll come in. I think this is just Aaron full stop. Like if you arrive. He's often supping a martini.

Aaron and Hayley say, here, I'll give you out their address. You guys grab a pen. I'll tell you where to go. No, we're simply, the little pen is a little dry. Last time I went around, it was a Negroni. Well, that's what I thought. I literally opened the door and I was like, oh, you're looking at the renos and a Negroni was a little dry. Last time I went around, it was a Negroni. Well, that's what I thought. I literally opened the door and I was like,

oh, you're looking at the renos and a Negroni was in my hand. I was like, this is hospitality. This is just how we like to invite people into our house. So before like hiring people, they come over right

and have a meeting. You talk to them, a consultation of sorts. And whether it's 11 o'clock in the morning, one o'clock in the afternoon or 5 p.m at night he'll say do you want a drink usually you'd say a cup of tea or a coffee or something and they'll be like oh yeah what have you got and aaron's like i'll make you a martini constantly making

people martinis so uh we've been talking with uh a curtain company and they were like oh get a free plug-in yeah go on harvey furnishings there you go there you go right um someone just got a rail upgrade yeah someone's curtains are gonna close very smoothly rail upgrade rail upgrade none of those yucky little plastic things you know with the curtain pins you know yucky get it yeah yeah i wish you got the rail upgrade have you ever seen rails that go around the corner? Yeah, dog. Like they've got a... A bit of a hook corner, yeah.

Oh, my God. You talking about a shark? No, I've got one here. Yeah, no. No, Dad. Anyway, so they came over to our house. They were bringing samples around of velvets. And we were looking at them.

Velvets. She has lost touch. I know. When they emailed me to make a time, they said, can't wait to have one of Aaron's famous martinis. And I think they were joking. They've heard. Because they've heard that Aaron.

They've heard. The tradies are all bloody leaving wonky-eyed. You come to our house, you come to Mill Cottage, and you get a martini. So we didn't disappoint. And I think that they were actually taken aback that we actually do it. It's not sort of a thing in jest. And they turned it, same thing.

We're always like timing the arrival. Oh, there it is. Drop the ice and give it a shake. There we go. Somebody wants a rail upgrade. They want a rail upgrade. Trying hard for a rail upgrade. So we were all there sipping a martini.

Can you get thermal backing on those curtains? I reckon we can get them a thermal backing. You might even get a free pool rod. Oh. Can you keep this up? You want to be careful on the pool rods. You want a quality string

on that pool rod. Well, I'll tell you what. We are still looking for some tradies. So if you're a tradie and you like a martini. A trade-tini. A tradie-tini.

A tradie-tini, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll give them to you. We serve them cold. We serve them dirty. And then at the end they finish them while we're looking

at the velvets. We all had a martini in our hand. And then we put it under glasses. She said, God, I've got to go pick up my kids.

Now, martini is famously three shots of liquor. Is this why you needed the olives the other day from Hinton's Dairy? For Hinton. Yeah. For the dirty martinis.

Yeah, but we found some in the fridge. Well, now he's a crucial part of the supply chain of the trade teeny. If people talk about a trade teeny. He should get a rail upgrade as well. You should take him a trade teeny. I will take him the supply chain of the trade teeny. If people talk about a trade teeny. He should get a rail upgrade as well.

You should take him a trade teeny. I will take him. Hitting a trade teeny is coming your way, my friend. You're walking into your dairy and seeing the dude with a martini and he's like, hello. You're like, hi. You having a martini? Sure am.

Hey, remember how you just gave that Uber driver five stars because you wanted five stars back? Yes. Let's do that with this podcast. Hey, remember how you just gave that Uber driver five stars because you wanted five stars back? Yes. Let's do that with this podcast. Oh, yeah. Review it five stars, tell your friends, and we'll do the same for you if you ever need a review for anything. But where are you giving me my five stars?

Well, I don't know. Do you own a restaurant or something? Yes. If you give us five stars on this podcast, tell us where you would like your review, and we'll review. We won't even go. We'll just review your thing.

I don't want people to know where my restaurant is. I'm doing one of those secret restaurants. Oh, I was going to say because that's exactly the opposite of how restaurants work.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.