ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 2nd February 2022

Episode Date: February 1, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe, try their refreshing McCafe iced coffee, available now at Macca's. Oh my gosh, okay. The... All the swear words in the English language

have now been ranked and categorised in order of their offensiveness. Now, where did this study take place? The British Broadcasting Regulator has done it. If you've ever been in America for any amount of time and you've dropped the classic C word, as Kiwis do, you'll realise that does not go down well in America. Not even like a GC? No.

Oh, really? No, no, no. They've got no idea what you mean by that. Oh, my God. Whereas I feel like a British are more. Oh, yeah. Ricky Gervais. Oh, my God.

Afterlife. He was dropping Cs like. Yeah, that had a lot of Cs. Yeah, it did. Never before. Well, they've ranked them in categories. Mild, medium. And hot.

Strong. And strongest. I'll give you a little. Give us a taste of each. Give us a taste of the low ones. So mild, we've got words like arse, bugger, crap, git. Oh, that's very British, you bloody git. How long ago was it the 90s when that ad had bugger on it?

Or was it the 2000s? It was the 90s with the dog on the Toyota. Yeah. And that was like, I remember the uproar. Really? And people were like, you can't say that on TV. No, Bugger's very mild. And now that's nothing, yeah. But do you know what?

I always grew up, there was Bugger was said by everybody and not even thought about it. It wasn't until that ad that I actually learnt the actual etymology of it. To buggerise. Yeah, to bum someone. To bum someone. As opposed to bugger. Oh, bugger.

My favourite one on the mild list, I will say, minger. I love a minger. You bloody minger. I love saying minger. Alright, let's crank things

up a notch and we're going to go head to medium. We've got balls, we've got arseholes, we've got bitch, bollocks, feck, munter.

I would never put balls in. Balls is not a swear word. Balls isn't a swear word, even in the mild or medium. It's a scrotum. There's a son of a bee, and there's tits. Oh, okay. They're in the medium, swear words. They're in the medium. Let's take another step up.

We're going to hit to strong. Oh, okay. Here we go. You bastard. You beef curtains. That is, wow, beef curtains. Hang on, but the word strange is like, this is very British, so maybe I'm not understanding some of them.

But on strong, we've got words like beef curtains, but we've also got bell-end. Oh, that's like a knob-end or a bell-end. Like the tip of the dick. Yeah, you're a dick head basically Cock, dick, fanny, flaps See flaps You could be an airline pilot

And you'd be saying flaps in the cockpit Yeah You could be a bell maker and say I'm just working on the belly end Like all of these could be Words that you could use You could be a butcher You could be working for Venlery.

Yeah. And someone says, I want some curtains made out of beef. Meat. You want some beef flaps. My favorite on that list, I'd have to say probably minge. Yeah. Minge is a funny word. It's funny.

Minge or twat. Or twat. I've never known how to say that. With the O or the A sound. I go, this is my twat. Youinge or twat. Or twat. I've never known how to say that. Oh, the A sound. I go, this is my twat. You're a twat. Yeah. Right.

Okay, and then strongest. Is this the top as bad as it gets? Yeah, and they've left off slurs. Oh, good. Homophobic. Homophobic, racial things. Thank God. Can I say them?

Well, I mean, it's a podcast, so it's not broadcast standards. You are here henceforth warned that the language you are about to experience is going to be less than religious, less than biblical. There's only three. In fact, I'm going to time it. There's only three. So we can get this. Do you reckon we need to give it Two 15 second fast forward options

So if we talk about these For 30 seconds No I'm going to say it like boom boom boom Can I guess all three Is one of them a double barrel Motherfucker, fuck and cunt Well done Cunt, fuck, motherfucker

Because those are the top in the Broadcast Standards Authority New Zealand list Oh Just C is the worst And then MF And then F

Yeah They also did a sort of Sub-survey That looked at offensive words Relating to sexual insults There's bonk Shag Slapper

And tart Love it Those are great All very much British Yeah Very much British You bloody twat. All right.

Well, thanks for reading out that last manga. You're fucking welcome, you piece of shit. What are you laughing at, Belly? Oh, you... Bugger off, you git. You doodle face. Doodle wasn't even on the list, was it? Doodle's not on it.

That's a baby word. Thanks Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. Somebody's starting the day with half their smoothie on their... Wet t-shirt wet shorts. That's how I want to start the day. Yeah I really really slip-slopped down the front.

And then I poured more water down the front. You missed a spot, too. You've got a little spot there. It won't come out. Oh, I know. Because I use disinfectant wipes and I think the alcohol

more sort of set it. Right. Then removed it. Chuck it, I reckon. Chuck it straight in the dryer just to make sure. Straight in the dryer. What was in the smoothie today that delivered that?

I tried something new. I had my nutritionist appointment yesterday, so I removed the oat milk. Very high in FODMAPs. It's just water, protein powder. Wait a minute. What's FODMAPs again? I've heard it, but I'm not.

Like fermentable. It's a big, it's an acronym, but it's like types of carbohydrates that ferment in your stomach and cause cause gases and air. Okay. Right. So it's just for fart stuff. So the studio will be less... Fart based. Okay, great.

No, because I've been on nothing but oat milk. You've just been doing the FODMAP. Yeah, I'm a high FODMAP guy. So what was in it? No oat milk. Collagen. Don't at me. Collagen, protein. What made it brown though?

The protein. Is it chocolate? Oh, okay. That'll stain you. It's schlip schlopped. All right. Coming up on the show today, Add to Cart is back at eight o'clock this morning.

Gave away a whole bunch of amazing stuff yesterday in the cart, including the Dyson stick thing. The air wrap. That you were going crazy about. The Dyson stick thing. Of no use to you, but honestly, what a find. So more great stuff at the first night of Mad, 8 o'clock. So you've got to be listening across the day

and keep note of everything in the card and be the first through at 5 o'clock with Bree and Clint to win everything. The top six is on the way. Yeah. If we're not going to raise the retirement age, the age 65 currently where you're entitled to superannuation, how are we going to tax

the retired? Well, I've got the top six ways. We can get a little bit of money back from those people over 65 just getting their bloody hand out from the government every week. This is in the news because didn't they ask Christopher Luxon yesterday about this. Yeah, what the national party's approach to the retirement age is. Because Jacinda said, while she's Prime Minister, it won't be going up.

God, when we get to retirement age, it's going to be like 70, eh? It'll be like 90. Oh, yeah. There'll be nothing left. And it won't be however many hundreds of dollars it is at the moment a week yeah it'll be

a fish and chip voucher and a bottle of cider oh no I wasn't thinking alcoholic oh I was just thinking

like a bottle of Ribena creaming soda creaming soda you get your choice when you go to your weekly handout fish and chip voucher

and Ribena or fish and chip voucher and a bottle of creaming soda up to you. I think I'll mix it up each week. Yeah, same. Just to keep life fresh. Yeah, you've got to do that. Alright, that's coming up

in the top six. Also on the way I've got an interesting fact about successful women. I'll be listening to this. Well, you'll be saying it. This is my target audience. Successful woman. Next on the show, though, a study's been done, and it has found the best TV shows of all time.

Oh, mine won't be on there. All right, well, I've got the list next. So, what a study's found. This was an American study, polled thousands of Americans. It's found the greatest TV shows of all time. You said your one won't be on the list. I've got the top 20. What was your TV show?

Lisa Kudrow's The Comeback. Two seasons? Really? It's two seasons with however many years in between. Flawless. She is so funny. It's not on the list many years in between. Flawless. She is so funny. It's not on the list. Oh, no.

No one watched it. The comeback. Valerie Cherish. Yeah, Valerie Cherish. Attempts to revive her acting career through a new sitcom after a decade-long hiatus. She then struggles to stay relevant and participates in a reality show. Yeah. So it's like a fake reality show and it's so, so funny.

Eight out of 10 on IMDb, 73% Rotten Tomatoes. You're not wrong. Yeah. It was a good TV show. It just didn't go very far, but if you watch it now, it is the most exquisite thing ever. Anyway, what's on the actual list? Well, before I get to that, this is quite an interesting stat.

45% of people still have recordings of their favourite TV show episodes either on VHS tapes, like your parents, or DVDs. Really? The only VHSs we still have in my parents' house are either the two

VHSs they have of us as kids, because we didn't have a video camera growing up. It's not like these days. No, I think my uncle had for a bit and friends did. And then anytime the Bee Gees was on TV, they'd record the Bee Gees. A lot of Bee Gee based VHSs.

Yeah, my parents had a few, but I think they might have either chucked them or they were in a box somewhere. But never a show. It was always like a concert or a special or something like that. We had the tapes. You ripped the tabs off the VHS if you didn't want to tape over them, right? Yeah. So there was those ones, but then there was the ones that, yeah,

you just record. If you were going out, you recorded the TV show you were going to miss, you watched it, and you recorded it straight over it. Yeah. Yeah. That was good stuff. See, I don't even, people keep DVDs still, but I don't even have anything. I don't even have a DVD player.

I mean, I could use my PlayStation. Yeah, that would be the closest I've got. That'd be the only thing I've got that could play a disc in my house. I don't have any disc playing facilities in my house. No. But you don't need it now. You just need a streaming service, right? Yeah. Well, the top, I'll give you the top 10 from the study, the biggest TV shows. 10, The Wire.

Great show. Great TV show. Great show. The Simpsons at 9. I was going to say that. It'd The Wire. Great show. Great TV show. Great show. The Simpsons at nine. I was going to say that. It'd have to be in there. Battlestar Galactica at eight. Interesting. MASH at seven. Oh, I love MASH. A lot of older shows on this list. Yeah. Has that aged well, MASH?

I mean, given its generation, I'd presume no. There might be little blips, but I think overall it was pretty set in the theater of war so it was probably you know yeah the office at number six it doesn't say it would be us because it's a US study Frasier and fine I always quite like Frasier I'm out three's company what was that it rings a bell yeah it was an old It was like an early 80s Late 70s

Early 80s TV show I never watched it But I was familiar with it Three people living together Two girls and a guy 1977 Were they in One of those

Polyamorous relationships But they didn't say Don't No Three single roommates Yeah Then they were just Living in the same flat

Okay Well Game of Thrones The third Most popular TV show of all time, despite the ending. Despite the ending. I mean, if the ending was great, it may have been two or one, but Seinfeld takes out spot two. Yeah, I agree.

Twin Peaks. The biggest. No, Twin Peaks was 11 on the list. Twin Peaks is always on the list. I've never watched it, but Twin Peaks is always on the list. Number one, you're missing Sopranos. No. What? No, Sopranos was 13 on the list. Twin Peaks is always on the list. I've never watched it, but Twin Peaks is always on the list. Number one, you're missing Sopranos. No. No, Sopranos was 13 on the list. Outrageous.

Come on. The number one TV show of all time that gets played over and over and over and over again. Friends. Yes. Friends. So no one told you life was gonna be this way. You do too many claps. You do too many claps.

You do too many claps. It's just the right amount. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Get ready to be shooketh because there's been a number of studies that show that women who make more money than their male partners are twice as likely to fake orgasms during lovemaking than women who earn less

than their male partners. What about if your wife doesn't necessarily have a job but you still think she might be faking the... What if your wife doesn't have the ability? You know, does, you know,

looks after the children. No, this is more about women. Sometimes you feel she just wants this big, sweaty, hairy lump of a man to remove himself from her. This grumpy old tired man. I think that's a separate study that you might need to look up there, Vaughan. This is around the 30% of women who earn more than their, only 30% of women

earn more than their male counterparts. But they say that 27% of women who earned more than their partners faked their orgasms every time. Is that just to make their man feel more manly?

Yeah, so it's basically an attempt to neutralise the masculinity threat of out-earning their partners. So the men are all like, they don't pull my weight. And she's like, but you do in the bedroom. Oh my God, that was mind-blowing. Regardless of gender, if someone's like, that'd be so like, who gets into that?

Like, what's the word for that? Pathetic. There's got to be a slightly more, you know. Imagine being with a partner, guy, girl, whatever. Well, this is, part of the theory is like that women are consciously doing this because they're going like, oh, I'll make you feel a bit better. Yeah. Because, you know, you're so insecure about not earning

as much as me. But another study has showed that they feel less aroused by men who have a precarious sense of masculinity so therefore they don't have an orgasm because they're like I'm not turned on by the way

that you're like, I'm not the man because I don't earn the money. Pathetic. I'm going to look by the way that you're like, I'm not the man because I don't earn the money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pathetic. I'm going to look up a synonym for pathetic. I want to say simp, but that's not right, eh? Is that what that is? Modern term?

What about? What does that mean? I've got one, but I can't say it on here. Yeah. This is crazy to me. Don't be doing that, women, because then they think like, oh, yeah, that's what she wants. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, she really seems to like this pathetic little windpipe. This action. I don't know how to make money. That is outrageous. Don't do that. You earn your money and you be proud

and men are fuel. Feeble. Feeble. Fee do that. You earn your money and you be proud and men are fuel. Feeble. Feeble. Feeble attempt. Feeble, that's the word. That's the word. Woeful, sorry, poor, pitiful, lamentable, deplorable, miserable, wretched, contemptible.

Do they sing as you sing? Inadequate. Yeah. There's somebody out there who's loving hearing me say these words I can't believe we're still talking about Fragile masculinity when it comes to Earning money Aaron's like

Woo He's like high five He's stoked Because you're like proud of them for doing well Yeah And like he's probably not even awake yet. That baby boy's in bed, man. Slipping on delicious linen sheets.

That's where I like to keep my baby boy. Next on the show, you've made an enemy. I've got a genemesis. A genemesis. Genemesis. Genesis, great band. Yeah. Phil Collins, that little man is my genemesis. A genemesis. A genemesis. Genesis, great band. Yeah. Phil Collins, that little man is my genemesis.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. New year, new me. I can tell. I can tell, man. Believable. Only minutes ago you were sprawled on the floor. Yeah, new me. Groaning in pain.

New me, nearly 40 me, not new me, broken me, sore me. Yeah, got a sore lower back. You're on the massage. I think it's where the back joins the arse. What's that called? The tailbone. It's sore in the back, but last night the massage gun got really driven into the glute and it

freed something up, I felt. Great. New man. When I'm moving, it's fine. When I sit still, it's when it gets sore. Classic old mate. I know, it's so much easier just to eat KK and watch Netflix.

God, yes. Maybe next year we could do that. This year, let's shred. Yeah. Next year, we'll just... Dirty bulk. Dirty bulk. So, 23, the year of dirty bulk.

Back to the gym and it's either straight after work or not at all because the minute you get home, you're not going back out. No, no, no. Certainly not leaving the house again. But at the gym, there's this thing on the screen that's got like

people get points and there's like a ranking thing. And I kind of you know me, if I'm looking at it and I'm like, I could get on there. Do you reckon how well could I do? And it resets at the start of every month. So yesterday, the 1st of February, I was like, I'll have one of those things. What things?

So I went in on that. And I said, how does the leaderboard work? I went in on this. And they were like, oh, okay. So you strap this thing on and they said, oh, put it on your bra line. I was like, i know it was a summer of indulgence but i don't think i'm quite quite a bra line so it's a heart rate monitor yeah yeah right yeah so it does basically what your apple watch or your you know smart watch does

but that doesn't get you up on the screen right okay and you can see when people are wearing them and they're in the gym, it shows you how hard out they're going, which makes you go more hard out. If your name's up there and it's like blue, that means that you're like

just on a cross trainer, you know? Oh, okay. But if you're like, you move, then it goes green, then yellow, then red.

Oh, okay. Hit yellow. What if you're having a heart attack? Oh, it just flashes black. Flash is purple. Flashes purple. I think purple's the top colour. Right.

Flashes freaks out and probably alerts the authorities. Yeah. So yesterday I put it on and did my thing. Yeah. And guess who's winning? Yeah, boy. I got more points than anybody after day one. Now, Jode's had been that morning.

Yeah. And when I left, I said, check it out. Check who's number one. Now, Jodes had been that morning. And when I left, I said, check it out. Check who's number one. And Tay said to me, Jodes isn't going to like this. Oh, no. And I was like, beg your pardon? She's like, she's not going to like that at all. Who's Jodes?

She wins every, is it Jodes that wins every? Jodes was number two. Oh, right. But she normally wins. Oh, wow. You normally lead. She's got some competition. I accused her of putting it on like her kids.

Because I know some people, when they need to get like their 10,000 steps up, they just put their smartwatch on their kids and then go, go. And the kids are just like, ah! Just run around outside. So you've started a bit of a war in the gym. I don't even know what my gym nemesis looks like. Just know her name. Yeah.

It's Jodes. I'm worried I'm going to push Jodes into a two-session day. Have it. Yeah, that's bad. See, you would go again just to beat her. I know. It's really bad. I know how competitive you get.

Because I get home and I said to Sade, I'm winning, and I showed her the photo I took of the screen, and she's like, I wondered why you were there for longer today. And she's like, is this what this month entails? Is it Vaughn being silly and pushing himself too hard at the gym? And then she's like, is this what this month entails? Is it Vaughn being silly and pushing himself too hard at the gym? And then I was like, no.

Hour later, oh, my back. I can hardly breathe. I need you to put it in the massage gun. Give me some of them drugs. She's like, well, just take it easy tomorrow. I'm like,

yeah, yeah, sure. Like hell. Jones is going down. I can't work out how to see. I was going to say, If I'm still in the lead You would have been there earlier than most Post work Yeah but she'd already been

But someone else might have come and had the same Thirst for success This would egg me on I love this stuff That's why And even when you're like there And I kept like looking to the side to see the screen on what zone I was in.

Yeah. So what do you do? If you see it go down, you just, like, pump harder. Yeah, you just go more hard out. So the one I got the best zone from was just running on the treadmill. Oh, yeah. So I might up the treadmill. By the way, elliptical cross trainer is gone.

It doesn't get me enough. It doesn't get me enough points. Also, wasn't there a study saying it was the most pointless exercise because it's not a movement we use in daily life? Unless you're on the moon. Unless you're preparing to be on the moon. Unless you're training for the Winter Olympics. Is that a biathlete?

Well, that starts tomorrow or something. You're too late for that. Oh, you've left it too late. You've left it too late. You're not a cross-trainer for ages. From the underground ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Oh, hey.

New Zealand's retirement age, 65. You start getting the pension. Yeah. You get the gold card too. 65, that age hasn't changed for ages. And 65 is of course the new 55, isn't it? Exactly, life expectancy

going up. Should that mean our retirement age goes up? I've just been having a look at different countries around the world and their retirement ages. What do they do? 65 seems pretty much across the mark. France is 62. Is it?

Those lazy buggers. 65, 66 in Portugal, 65, 66 in the Netherlands, 62 in Japan and Singapore. Okay. 56 in Indonesia. Gorgeous. 56? Yeah.

It's rising one year every three years. That's their plan. Okay. Imagine being just behind that. South Africa, 60. It's means tested, though. So if you're still working or have assets, you're not necessarily entitled to it. Right.

But everybody else, you're 67 in Norway. But, you know, most of them have notes that in the next 10 years they are expected to rise. So what does that mean for New Zealand? Huh. Is it going up? It's going to cost us a lot because there's so many people about to retire. Cost us a damn fortune. Yeah.

Because you can retire whenever you like, right? But it's about when you get the pension. Yes, when you get the pension at 65, your government pension. So I've got the top six ways to tax the retired without raising the retirement age. Okay. Number six, knock up the price of Werther's

and other hard-boiled sweets. Yeah, because they love those, don't they? Well, that's your majority of people enjoying them are indeed. Yeah. The older generation. Everybody else, like you, Coke bottles. Oh, fizzy Coke bottles. Do you still think you'll do gummies in Coke bottles when you're 65?

Absolutely. It'd be easier on the teeth. Yeah, on the gums. Could really spike the diabetes. Oh, it'll be raging by that point. It doesn't matter. Number five on the list of the top six ways to tax a retiree without raising their retirement age.

Random raids on their coin drawers. Because they've all got a drawer with maybe an old ice cream container or an old strawberry punnet. And it's just absolutely chock-full with coins. Yeah. From a multitude of countries as well. So it's not easy.

You can't just sort of dip in and grab a coin. Everything. It's probably a Thai baht. My grandad's coin, every like year he'd just be like, alright. When we would go to stay and he'd tip them all out on the lounge. He'd be like, make piles, count it up, blah, blah, blah. And then he'd let us have it. Wow. So we got to take home

like the bags of coins. It was a choice. Fun. Number four on the list of the top six ways to tax a retired without raising their retirement age, make Coronation Street a pay-per-view. Yes, and then clip the ticket. Yeah. Yeah, good.

You know, my father-in-law has watched every single episode of Coronation Street from its first airing. How does he find the new Coronation Street? Does he... He was okay. He kept up. He watched the, you know, the, what do they do?

They did like a quick sort of catch up. Recap? To move us in line with England. Oh, okay. Where's my parents? They're like, well, I'm out then. What did he think when the first black family moved into Coronation Street? Outraged.

No. Did they have a gay couple on Coro? Yeah. They've done all the modern They've done all the modern storylines That's why I was asking What he thought of it Because you know

Some old people are like Oh this is too outrageous for me Yeah Hayley Hayley hit the street Coronation Street She was the first Trans woman

Really? Yeah I didn't know The character not played by a trans woman Had been so Yeah right Progressive Number three on the list Of the top six ways To tax the retired Really? Yeah. I didn't know Coronation Street had been so progressive. Number three on the list of the top six ways to tax the retired without raising their retirement age,

fit them with microphones, and they have to pay every time they make a big groan noise when they're getting out of their favourite chair. And they just get a weekly bill of it. Yeah. Don't you make those noises now? I don't have a microphone on me yet because I'm not old enough. I'm allowed to make those noises for free at the moment.

Okay. Number two on the list of the top six ways to tax to retire without raising the retirement age, charge them to leave voicemails. They're the only people leaving voicemails. Despite my voicemail that says, please don't leave a voicemail, just text me or ring back. Oh, really? I love a voicemail.

Oh, I hate a voicemail. Oh, I love it. I don't want to talk to you in person. I just want to hear what you've got to say and then I can respond in writing. I hate leaving them because I'll give you the entire sermon. Sometimes I'll leave a three-minute voicemail because I panic. Yeah. Ugh. I'm listening to them. It's worse.

And number one on the list of the top six ways to tax the retired without raising the retirement age. We start dishing out fines for archaic opinions and any sentence that starts with I'm not racist but. That's a big fine. That's a five buck each time. Okay. Five?

I would have gone with you. You'd go more. Well, no. They say it so often. We'll actually make a ton off of it. Oh, yeah. Like a billion a year. Oh, absolutely. We'll all have new roads and light rail and be living in the lap of luxury. That is today's top six. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. roads and light rail and be living in the lap of luxury. That is today's Top Six. Yesterday it was

blimmin' windy in Auckland, wasn't it? Was it windy where you guys were? Um, I guess. Yeah, I guess. I mean, it's windy now. Yeah, it's very windy. And I was cooking... Oh, you're gonna hate this. I was cooking... Oh, you're going to hate this. I was cooking up some tofu.

What for? I don't know. I was just giving it a hoon. Why were you doing that? Did you buy the stuff from the supermarket that comes marinated? No, I just bought a firm tofu and I did a marinade and then I cooked it. But it burnt. I cooked it too high.

Oh, right. Okay. Well, how do you cook tofu? In a pan? Yeah, I was trying to get it crisp and I was trying to fry it, but then the marinade, because it was sort of like a sticky marinade, caught on the bottom and turned black. Would it be good in an air fryer?

Probably. Yeah. Okay. I'll Google can you air fry. Yeah, thank you, and I'll carry on. But anyway, so my house filled with smoke, and I opened up my kitchen. Your house filled with smoke.

Crispy air fried tofu. Yeah, producer Jared's saying it's good. Absolutely raving about air fried tofu. The vegans, holy cow, vegan. Jessica in the kitchen, eat, live, learn. These are all recipe sites that are saying absolutely. Okay, I'll give it another go. Well, it sounds like it won recipe sites that are saying absolutely. Okay, I'll give it another go.

Well, it sounds like it won't fill your house with smoke. Anyway, so I opened up this window from my kitchen, you know, windowsill, and it leads out to the back. And I was sort of doing something else, and I heard this, like, smashing of glass. I was like, what the heck is that? And I came, and this, like, I had a wine glass that had some propagated plants in it. You know, like I'd been growing the roots in this wine glass. And the wind had taken it and fell out the window and smashed on the ground below.

And I was like, ugh. And I went out. And where it had smashed is where we have these water tanks that line up the side of our house. And they're like, I want to say, 20 centimetres from the weatherboards. It's a tight little gap. Right. They're very close. Very close.

I mean, they'll be regulation. Yeah. They'll be regulation. Well, they're not that close because you want them, you know, subtle. Yeah, yeah. But you don't even want them right out there taking up precious lawn. No, no, no, no. I wasn't blaming, I wasn't saying that you were breaking regulations.

You were going to get a council on to me now. I was like that when we bought it, Fletch. So you see these non-regulation water tanks. So there's non-regulation water tanks. And my wine glass with, there's propagated leaves that I had been working on for months. Right. Were shattered right in the middle of like these four water tanks. And I was like, oh my God, I have to try to get it.

And I was trying to like fish it out with a broom handle and it wouldn't get out. And I was like, I'm feeling kind of skinny today. I'm feeling tight. I had a really good workout in the morning. You haven't eaten your tofu yet. I haven't eaten my tofu. You're on the FODMAP. FODMAP. Low FODMAP. I wasn't eaten your tofu yet. You're on the fop, fop, mop. What is it?

Fodmap, low Fodmap. I wasn't that bloated. Exactly. So I was like, I can just slip in here and reach and get them. And then so I went boobs to building, butt to tank. Right. And I sort of started scooching in. And it went well, but the tanks go like a kind of,

what would you call that, like a scalloped edge on them. Yeah, it's rounded. It was like tight, tight, tight, tight, and you'd slip into a gap, tight, tight, tight, and you'd slip into the gap. And when I slipped into the second gap, I couldn't move. And I realised it was glute day at the gym, my PT. And my fat dumper. Your fat dumper.

Your fat dumper got you stuck. Had a pump on. Yeah, you're experiencing glute swell in your epic quest for a fat dumpee. I'd activated the glute. Yeah. And my fat dumper wedged me between the water tanks and the building and Aaron wasn't home. So this mini moment where I was... So you got a

stuck step sister situation going on. You're like, help me, I'm stuck. I was absolutely stuck. And I had a mini panic where I was like, I'm going to have to yell for the neighbours that my fat dump has wedged me between the building and the water tanks. And I managed to get out. But while

I was there, I thought it best to I've got to get these plants because I've worked so hard on them. So I sort of did like a tip at the waist situation. Still stuck. Yeah, still stuck. I was like, I'm not coming out of this without these plants. Put it down, rummage my hand amongst the broken glass. That's still there.

It's a problem for another day. And I got them. I got the plant. And you got out? Yeah, I sort of had to like, because I was finding. You undressed. I slipped nude. Yeah, you slipped your clothes off and then reached in the window

and squirted yourself with sunlight liquid. Get it out. To lube yourself up. Your neighbours are then, do you need help? No. And you're like. I can't tell you the pain though, both in the breasticles and the rear as I was trying to like squeeze out. Because I found I was like squeezing, but it was activating the glute further.

Yeah, right. Thus giving it another pump and jutting it out more. So I had to really sort of relax for a bit. But you managed to get out and you got the plants. I managed to get out and I got the plants and I planted them in a pot. Well done. And I guess I live to tell the tale. And you're I planted them in a pot. Well done. And I guess I live to tell the tale. Now you're down a wine. And you're getting those gains in that dump. Yeah. In the dump. Yeah, I'm going to lay off the dump for a bit.

It's getting, it's out. Two. Badum, badum. You're down a wine glass, which annoys me. I can't be down a wine glass in a four set. Yeah, but it's my fault for using it as a propagation station. In the first place. Oh, so it wasn't the rogue one left wine glass that you used for a propagation station. In the first place, yeah. Oh, so it wasn't the rogue one-left wine glass

that you used for a propagation station. Yeah, it is really. It's like one of three, you know? Oh, okay. So now you're down to two. Now I'm down to two. That works. That's okay.

It's even. Oh, you can't have three or a five? No. I'd have to buy a whole new set of four. I do need wine glasses. They're in a bad way. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Welcome to the show, Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM.

Welcome to the show, Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Wow, 75 millimetres of rain expected on the West Coast. Lovely. Puller. No, 750 millimetres. That's what I said, 750 mils. You said 75 because you just made a... You said 75 centimetres.

Yeah, which is 75 centimetres, isn't it? 750 mils, yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking centimetres, isn't it? 750 mils. Yeah. I'm thinking of a ruler. Do you always think of a ruler? No, you're going like this. That's like 30. It's like this. You've got to think of a yardstick. That is so much rain. That's a lot of rain. It's a tonne of rain.

I think that's why they're saying pack your bags and get ready to leave. We could do with a little bit of it. We wish we'd evenly spread it across the country. That would actually be great if the weather could do that. Good for the lawns. Great for the lawns. Good for the lawns. Lawns are very brown.

Oh, mine's very crispy. Very brown. Coming up on the show, we're going to play I Spy with famous New Zealand landmarks. Again, all thanks to OPSM. So your chance at 7.30 to win $250 cash and a $200 OPSM voucher. So we'll start Ice Buy around 7.30. Listen out if you want to win some cash. Next on the show, though.

Mystery illnesses. Injuries. Oh, dear. Not illnesses. No, we're not here to do that. It sounds like you should probably go see the doctor if you've got a mystery illness. You've got a mystery injury, haven't you?

Tons of them. Tons of them. Weird amount of mystery inflictions. Are you sleepwalking again? Oh my gosh, yes. Are you a sleepwalker? Oh dear.

I was after I crashed in the Ontario wilderness with my female football team. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. The long weekend group tour returns at 8 o'clock on Friday. It was a Yellow Jackets reference just before that show. Yeah, it went over our heads.

Yeah, that's because you guys. That's next on my viewing list. Yeah. Mine's too long. We've got two episodes to go. Right, it's on Neon, isn't it? What's it about? An all-female football team are on the way to Nationals and they crash in the Ontario wilderness.

I've seen this. They eat each other. That's the alive. Was that the Chilean rugby team or the Argentinian rugby team? I was thinking that might be worth a re-watch. That movie they made about that. You know, we did that in English at school. We did too.

We studied it at school. They're like, watch this. They crash in the Andes. It's a real story. Have you ever heard this actual true life story? Maybe. And they crash and heaps of them are alive, but they're up in the Andes. And they have to eat each other.

I'd do it. Well, that turns to cannibalism for survival. I wouldn't blame them. And don't think for a second I wouldn't do it. Oh, yeah, I'd eat you. I'd eat you quickly. Yeah. Day two. I wouldn't blame them And don't think for a second I wouldn't do it Oh yeah I know you I feel like Yeah Day two

You get a bit We had some turbulence On a flight And Vaughan's like I'll start with your I'll start with your arm Yeah Like Vaughan

We haven't crashed And I was like We'll see about that I want to be prepared I don't want to crash We I don't want to crash Low and iron

Anyway It's really good You should watch it. We've got two episodes to go, and I just must be going to be cramming a whole lot into the last two episodes. Anyway, I've got cuts and scratches on my hands, and I don't know what they've come from.

Look, there's a big one there. There's like a full-blown knockoff there. That's quite deep. That's like a knife's gone. A gash. I'd say that's a gash. That's-off there. That's quite deep. That's like a knife's gone ch- A gash. I'd say that's a gash. That's a gash. That's a scratch.

And I'd say that was a gash that started to heal up. Right. What are they from? Maybe as you're heading towards 40, your skin's thinning. You know? You'll be like your grandma when she nicks her. Yes. And they have a nick and it's everywhere.

And it just does not stop bleeding. They're all on wolfren. Yeah. So all the grandparents are on wolfren. Is that like a blood thinner? Blood thinner. Right. So their heart can pump it.

Is it a thicker or a thinner? No, a thinner. My pop was on it. Yeah. And they can't go in the direct sun for too long or it turns them a blue tinge. Yeah, they get a bit blue. Yeah. Oh, I think it's only a matter of trying for them on the wolfren.

Everyone in my family has been on the wolf run. But you're getting nicks and cuts. Nicks and cuts that take longer to heal. I mean, you don't work on a farm. You don't know where the, yeah, you're always out in the garden. I'm always out tinkering. Yeah, but I don't know where these come from. Mystery illnesses.

And injuries. Not illnesses. Why do I keep saying illnesses? Mystery injuries. Maybe your body's trying to tell you something. Slow down. dying. Why do I keep saying illnesses? Mystery. Injuries. Maybe your body's trying to tell you something. Slow down. No.

Have a drink. Mystery illness. Oh, yeah. You're not healing because you're dying. Oh, well. Don't tell him that. He's a hypochondriac. Eat me. Oh, no.

Yeah, I'll eat you, but not if you're poisoned. It's not if you're unwell. I want healthy. There'll be good parts. I'm like an apple. There'll be a rotten bit, but eat around it.

What's the best bit, you reckon? The dumper? I'd say the dump. I'd say the dumpy. Vaughan's dumper in the slow cooker. The dumpy. Oh, yeah. My quad in a slow cooker would be.

Yeah. I'm not even lying. But wait, do we have a slow cooker in the aircraft? No, do it now. When I die. Oh, right. Before we bought the plane. Yeah.

I'm saying when I die, I don't want any of this going to waste. Eat me. Oh, yuck. Get a butcher onto it as soon as possible, you know. That's a bit gross. But I said to Sade last night, look at these. I don't even know where they got them. She's like, speaking of, how did I get this?

She's got some bruise. Yeah. I was like, is it a gym injury? She's like, I can't think what would have happened at the gym that gave me the big bruise. Are you guys getting too drunk that you can't remember what happened? Yeah, I was going to say, I only ever wake up with bruises when I've had a big night

and I'm like, holy moly, what's that? What did I fall down? Or off or into? And you've got no recollection. Yeah. But that's what I wanted to take some calls on this morning. Your most impressive mystery injury. Like, that you still maybe even to this day

or through some detective work you solved yeah I mean I'd say most of these would be drunk the next day yeah

and you've broken your foot yeah but imagine even being drunk and breaking your foot and having no recollection of how you did that

no horrible I remember spraining my ankle and then just changing my shoes and going to town. When I was like 18 or something. Went into some flats. Yeah, no, in a boot so that I had some structure around the ankle. Doc Martin.

But you remember that wasn't a mystery. No, it wasn't a mystery. Mystery as to how it happened. All right. So, yeah, we want to take your calls. 0800 DARS at MNAL. You can text as well. 9696.

Your mystery injuries. How did you get them? Yeah. And even if you still to this day don't know how you got them, that's even better. Yeah, we're talking about what somebody has said, UDIs, unidentified drinking incidences. But then mine's not.

Mine's just an unidentified injury. Yeah, so we want to know Mystery injury I mean, we're using the word injury pretty loosely here You've got a wee nick on your skin Cuts and scratches that I can't see where it came from Wife's currently sporting a bruise I like to give her a charley horse while she sleeps

When she's snoring, I just roll her around I'm just like, right in the leg So we want to know your mystery injuries. Yeah. And maybe to this day, you still don't know how you got them. And some people have some pretty big injuries with no recollection. We asked on Instagram and Vanessa said, when I discovered my pinky was broken two months later

after it first started being hurt, but I've got no idea how I did it. Wow. Surely you'd know immediately, right? The pinky's pretty stupid, isn't it? It's a stupid little finger. What's it doing? What's it at it? It doesn't even want to hold on when you're having a cup of tea.

It's like, no, I'll go out here. Yeah. I'll stay out. Gets tired just sort of itching. Yeah. I've had enough. And puffed. And puffed.

Yeah. Meanwhile, the thumb's like, get on board, you baby. Teresa, what's your mystery injury? So basically my friend got married on a boat, a really flash boat. And I was the bridesmaid. Congratulations. Thank you, thank you. And we were staying on the boat.

Basically after all the partying had happened, we actually all went back to our cabins. And I went back to the cabin with my boyfriend and I was so intoxicated in my bridesmaid dress that I was spewing in the shower. Oh yeah. And then my boyfriend went to bed and I didn't know how I actually woke up in the morning and I had a big ringworm sized carpet burn on my face. On your face? On your face? On your face!

On my face. And I woke up in the morning and I was mortified and my boyfriend was like, whoa, that was a big night. And then I looked in the mirror and I had, I'm not even joking you,

a round circle sized burn on my face just under my eyebrow that had been carpet burned and he goes, oh yeah, you slugged your way back to the bed last night after you spewed in the shower. You slugged

the carpet burners because your face was your point of contact with the carpet for the top end of your body. And everyone the next morning gave me so much crap for it and I was like, wow, that was a good night. I love how weddings often like, you know, classy day. Everyone looks their best.

They turn up. Cheers, babe. Oh no, I won't have too much to eat. I don't want to spill. I want to look glamorous. And then I was like, I'm going to slug my way back to the bed. Alright, Teresa, thanks for your call. We'll go to Joe. Joe, what was your mystery injury? I had what was called an avulsion fracture in my foot. So it's where the tendon and a bit of bone pulls away from your foot. And you just don't know how this happened?

No, I've got no idea. And I don't drink, so it's not like it's a drinking injury. I just started having one day. And I walked around on it for six weeks because the doctors didn't take me seriously. Probably because you don't drink. They can't take anybody seriously. They're just like, how, what?

You've got a mystery injury. You just hit yourself out of the blue without being, you know, outrageously drunk. I don't believe it. Send you home. So you never found out how it happened? It just occurred? No, no.

I mean, on the ACC report, I twisted it. Of course. I wasn't getting out of the shower. On an ACC report, I always blame a sport. You know, I think it's getting off too lightly when it comes to injuries. You always put taekwondo, don't you? No, no, because lots of people hurt themselves doing taekwondo.

Oh, right. Lawn bowls. Lawn bowls, painting, sculpture. I was on a pottery wheel. I meanwn bowls, painting. Yeah. Sculpture. I was on a pottery wheel. Yeah. I mean, you pay taxes. Yeah. Why not?

Yeah. Totally. Thanks, you cool Joe. Mariska, good morning. Good morning. How are you? Good. What's your mystery injury?

So my mystery injury is I woke up in Hoi An in Vietnam in a hostel with this massive burn on my leg. No recollection of how it got there, but I can only imagine I must have in my very intoxicated state gotten on a scooter with some random person who must have dropped me at the hostel. So made it to my room alone, but with a massive burn on my leg. From the hot exhaust pipe? Must have been. I have no idea. Just checking, when you started drinking, were you in

Vietnam or did you somehow end up in Vietnam? No, no. I was definitely already there. Gotcha. Wow. You must have been so drunk to not feel a burn. He's drinking injuries. Yeah, I was expecting mystery illnesses, injuries. I wasn't expecting, I don't know why I can't say illnesses.

I've got an illness. I wasn't expecting it to all be booze related. No. Mariska, thanks. You called some messages to finish up. Somebody said, one day my wrist just started hurting. And I did nothing to it. And three weeks later, I went to A&E.

I said, oh, my wrist is hurt. And they said, oh, yeah, you've got a broken wrist. It's been broken for three weeks. Because they asked when it started hurting. I said three weeks ago. They said, oh, yeah, it must have been broken for about three weeks then. No idea how it happened. Didn't take a fall.

Didn't suddenly start hurting. Just slowly started hurting. That's an aggressive high five. And you didn't at the time realise perhaps an aggressive one a bit of what a bit of vigorous hand action huh

you never know my nana had a very sore side of her boob okay she thought she had breast cancer yeah right

any pain in the boob every woman's like wow this is it here it is yeah I've sat on one testicle.

My right testicle, your left testicle. If you were looking at me on the left. I did that in the cycle class, didn't I? How long did it hurt for? A long time. Okay, good. Because I think I sat on one on the rowing machine a bit funny the other day. I got caught up.

Yep. And there's been a dull pain down there. Last night I had myself semi-convinced I had testicular cancer. I gave myself a thorough exam.ced I had testicular cancer. I gave myself a thorough exam. I think you just cut off the supply. I think I just knocked it. But anyway, yeah, it's not as sore today, so I guess that's good. But anyway, Nana had a sore breast,

convinced herself she had breast cancer. She finally went to the doctor and he said, do you do a lot of gardening? And she said, oh yes, I love my roses. And he pulled a rotten rose thorn out of her. What? And it wedged itself in there to a point. She couldn't see it in there, but she eventually started to feel it.

And, yeah, it started to hurt when it started to break down. So now Nana does her roses with clothes on. Yeah, Nana's not got her nungas out. At least a bra. When she's doing the roses. At least a bra, Nana. Yeah. At the very least, Nana.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Wordle. It's the hottest game at the moment. Took me four goes this morning. Three for me. Two for me. My start word, I stick to the same start word every day, and today it really paid dividends.

It did, didn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So if you don't know, it's taken the world by storm. I know. Everyone's playing it. And it's know, it's taken the world by storm. I know. Everyone's playing it. And it's just, it's not an app

or anything like that. It hasn't been monetized. And it's just, you go on a website and you play it once a day and then you've got to wait 24 hours until you can play it again. You can go back and play

in the archives now, apparently. Oh, okay. So you've got, it's a five, you've got to guess a five letter word. Yeah.

You get five, six attempts. It'll tell you if the letters are in the right place or if there's a correct letter that you've guessed in that word. Yeah, and essentially it has blown up absolutely everywhere. Everyone is playing it. And apparently us, New Zealand, has had quite a vital part in making it go global and huge.

Early adopters. We were the early adopters, and we liked sharing it because we loved to show off. Just even then when you said that you got it in two, Carwin behind you was like, eee. I know. Tall poppy syndrome. You can't keep our successful ones down, okay?

Absolutely. Well, yesterday it was a massive. No one remembers the girl behind Sir Edmund Hillary rolling her eyes, do they? But they remember the man that conquered the mountain. Very similar to you getting that stupid word in too. Anyway, yesterday the creator, Josh Wardle, which is why it's called Wordle,

posted an update on his Twitter and he sold it to none other than the New York Times. Which have a famous puzzle page. They have a famous puzzle page, which is why he ended up creating it, because him and his girlfriend loved doing the New York Times word game so much that he created one for her. Yeah, this was just for her.

This is essentially love has made him now a millionaire. Yeah, so they said that in the low seven figures, so that's anywhere from a million to nine million. No, yeah. Yeah. A million to five million, I'd say. American dollars. But he said, you know,

it's been so incredible to watch how it's been going. But on the flip side, he's overwhelmed by it, basically. But people were pissed yesterday. Yeah, because... Because New York Times Is behind a paywall Yes they are And so they're going to Monetise the head out of this

But they have said That it'll be free For the time being Yeah For the time being Because that's the joy Of Wordle Is you just go on this website

Uninterrupted No ads Nothing You don't have to pay a dime Yeah There'll just be A whole lot of copycats Pop up now

Yeah Yeah there will be Yeah and you have to like Watch an ad to play Today's Wordle pay a dime. Yeah, there'll just be a whole lot of copycats pop up now. Yeah. Yeah, there will be. Yeah, and you have to like watch an ad to play today's Wordle,

but people will do that rather than pay. But do you think Josh Wardle, who only came up with this because he loves his girlfriend so much and wanted to give her

some new fun word games, gives, you know, gives a goddamn about it now that he's got his over million dollar offer and he doesn't have to run this website anymore. Didn't he only like finish the coding and put it online in September?

Yeah, it's fresh. So September, October, November, December, January. So five months. He's made a million, over a million bucks. Yeah, we don't know what the actual figure is, but good for him. Good lad. I don't think he cares. And then like the New York Times will monetize it

and then people will lose interest and then someone else will come up with a new game. He did say as well that he's working with the New York Times to keep people's streaks because, you know, you've got your stats when you finish your word or it tells you your win percentage and how many days you've, you know, got it right. Imagine if you lost that and you were like a hardcore.

Yeah. You'd flip a lid. Well, congratulations to you, Josh Wardle, on selling a wordle to the New York Times. ZM's I Spy with OPSM. Well, every day it's your chance to win $250 cash and a $200 OPSM voucher. Get 30% off lenses when purchased with a frame

and 20% off contacts at OPSM. Offer ends on the 20th of February. That's my birthday. get 30% off lenses when purchased with a frame and 20% off contacts at OPSM. Offer ends on the 20th of February. That's my birthday. Well, that's why they did it. Yeah. Perfect. God bless them. They were sitting down at OPSM.

They're like, what day should we end the sale? Well, they said, well, it wouldn't be. It would be absolutely pointless to try to contend with Warren's birthday. Exactly. That's what they said at OPSM. All right. Summer joins us. Good morning, Summer.

Good morning. How are you? Good, good. Right now, we're playing I Spy. It's famous New Zealand landmarks and places. Yeah, I'm in Queenstown and I spy with my little eye, something in the beginning with R. I think we're talking about The Remarkables.

Yes. Correct. Should you have said T? I spy with my little eye, so I'm beginning with the R. When you categorize things, you don't categorize them if they've got a the. Okay, you just go straight to R. So the cause, for example, the band, would be a C band as opposed to a T band. I would put cause, comma, the.

Yeah, yeah. If I was working at a record store. Please use a modern example of a band next time. I really couldn't a record store. Please use a modern example of a bad nickname. I really couldn't think of anyone. What is a modern man with the? The. The fray. Do you remember the fray?

Yes. I'd save a life. Was that the fray? Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was. I'd go wrong. Summer, $250 is all yours and a $200 OPSM voucher. Congratulations.

Thank you so much. Nice work. We'll do it all again tomorrow. Next on the show. I just thought actually we'll just play a bit of this if that's cool. Oh, my gosh. We're not playing. It is Fray the...

On ZM. No, it's not. Oh, you dear. Next on the show... I don't know. Crash Stats. Crash Stats. Oh my God.

Why do you not listen? Well, I was too busy reliving the Fray. Fray the... Yeah. Anatomy Graze. Not the same rule structure at all. Simpsons, the.

There you go. Next on the show the biggest crash areas in New Zealand have been revealed. So if you're in your car watch out. Watch out. You could be in one right now. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Where are you most likely to have Watch out Watch out You could be in one right now Play it

Where are you most likely to have a wee motor vehicle crash? Yep And when? It's been revealed It has Have you ever had a car crash Hayley? Yeah I've been rear ended a number of times But I've never caused a crash.

So you obviously are a hard breaker. No. People just get comfortable following you too close. People are just getting a little bit close. Right, okay. Unless you rear-end somebody and then you blame their hard braking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a brakes tapper though.

If you start to tailgate me, I'll give you the little... Are you all right? You all right? You want to keep following at that speed or how are we looking? Oh wow, good she's aggressive. Yeah and they drop back and I'm like that's right and then I hoon off. Here are the top 10 car collision

locations around New Zealand that you may find yourself in right now. Number 10, Hutt Central. Oh yeah. Number 9, Hamilton Central. Yeah, the Hutt in Hamilton. Hutt Hamilton. Dunedin Central. Okay, there's in Hamilton. Hut, Hamilton. Like the like. Dunedin Central. Okay. There's a bit of a theme here. Albany and Auckland.

Okay. And the North Shore there. It's a bit more related. Yeah, a lot of maybe the motorway. The industrial area. The exits. Coming and going. Palmerston North. Oh, okay. Does it say where or just the entire? The entirety of Palmerston North. Okay, okay. Does it say where or just the entire?

The entirety of Palmerston North. Okay. Number five is Mount Wellington. Yes, heavy traffic in Mount Wellington. Yes, she's all going Mount Wellington. Do you think most of these

would just be like fender benders are rear ending? Yeah, probably. Yep. Well, it's any car collision that caused an insurance claim. Okay.

Mount Maunganui. Yeah, that's surprising. Is number four. No, you get a lot of traffic around there. A. Mount Maunganui. Yeah, that's surprising. Is number four. No, you get a lot of traffic around there. A lot of to and froing. Yeah. Lots of little streets to pull out of. Yeah.

Henderson in West Auckland is third. Okay. Christchurch Central with 512 claims. It's because the roads. It's changing constantly. Constantly. Your mates turn left. You're like, that's not a road. Yeah.

And Auckland Central, 831. So Auckland Central miles ahead of everybody else. Wow. Miles ahead. Yeah. The time of the day that it's most likely to happen, I'll just go through the day as it happens. End of the day?

19% of claims happen between 5am and 10am. Oh, so people half asleep? Yep. Because I was going to say end of the day would be the most because everyone's just tired and overworked and wanting to go home. Late morning, so 10am to 1pm, 23%. Afternoons are the highest, from 1pm to 6pm, 42%.

You're right, that's people leaving. I was right, yeah. People heading home, frustrated, in a hurry to get home. They forgot to take the chicken out to defrost. Oh my gosh. So they've got to think of dinner on the fly now. Evening from 6pm to 10pm is 13%. And then 10pm to 5am, only 3% of entire claims.

That's because most people are asleep though, isn't it? So if you, this afternoon, are driving around Auckland Central between 1 and 6 Chances are You're going to crash You're going to have a little damage I don't know where this idea came from It wasn't your English class It wasn't

I thought this private school education gave you English honours. Yeah, and I'd done real good. I seen a reward. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's sparkly. But anyway, so yesterday Aaron and I, it's been in my head for a while and I made it happen

yesterday. I went on Trade Me. I bought two tennis rackets. Okay. I bought two tennis rackets. Okay. I stopped at Rebel Sport and bought a cylinder of balls. Oh, how good is the pop top? I popped it and it went psss.

Yeah. And then did you go psss? And I huffed it. Yeah. I could just sit there opening tins of tennis, tubes of tennis balls forever. It was really fun. It's like bubble popping.

Yeah. Anyway, I got home and I waited patiently for my man to get home and then we went about a day and then after dinner we walked down to the local court. This was a post dinner. Yeah. Interesting move. Yeah, we were sort of

doing all of our work and stuff and we had a drain later around. Anyway, so all of our work and stuff and we had a drain layer around it. Anyway, so we walked down to the local and I had a case. I've got a little case with rackets. We walked down and we were in matching outfits. Black shorts, white t-shirts, white shoes.

And we played a bit of tennis. And when I say we played a bit of tennis, we threw a ball and tried to hit it back and forth. We're really bad. That's how tennis works. We are really, really bad. Right.

Because neither of us have ever played tennis in our lives. I'm a lefty, so I'm very cack at it at the moment. But we were like, this will be a fun thing for us to do together. We don't have a lot of shared hobbies. Right. He's not a marching girl and I'm not a builder boy. So do you think it will be? I think so.

We had so much fun. Yeah. But it was more exercise than maybe I wanted it to be because. Yeah. Did you think you just stood there? Well, you played doubles. Yeah. You had less court to cover, didn't you?

Because we were like hitting it to each other, but because we've got no skill in the area, it would just like fly off that way or fly over the fence or go too hard or anything. So we're just like running and running after this ball. Do you think you could get some lessons? Well, this is what I thought. But that's how affairs start, eh?

Yeah, tennis coach, pool boy. Yeah, and I already feel like we're a little bit too white at the moment as a couple. Yes. Where we live and like now we're getting into tennis. I'm like, if we're having lessons. Yeah. You're forgetting your Duggarville roots. Forgetting my roots.

But yeah, we're really, really terrible. How much did you spend on these rackets? Because you've gone full. 80 bucks for two. Were they secondhand? Did you pick them up on... Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of them's branded

and one of them's unbranded. What's your branded one? Oh... It begins with an O. Starts with an O. I only know... Wilson? Wilson and...

Slazenger. Not Slazenger. Slazenger do tennis rackets? I know they do squash rackets. See, my dad always dreamed That I would be a tennis player A solo tennis player Right

Because I'm a lefty Yeah And he said I play well And I'm long in the limbs And he's a squash and tennis player Oh he's a racket man Yeah And so when I picked up a pair of marching boots

Oh the shame that fell upon his family Yeah he was like Oh I was hoping it was going to be rackets Yeah yeah exactly But yeah we're really I was hoping it was going to be rackets. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But yeah, we're really, really bad. That's not going to help. That computer doesn't respond well to that. Well, we didn't consider lessons

what we thought was maybe going home and watching a few YouTube tutorials. Yes. I found it. Last time I played tennis, just getting the bloody thing over the net. It either went over the back line or straight into the net.

I couldn't find the sweet spot of on the court. Now, at thetenniswarehouse.com, the only brands under O are on or original penguin. They don't sound like... On? Hang on. They might not be across all brands. I would have got some better brands. That's where you're going wrong.

No, but I don't even know if... We didn't even know if we were going to like it. Right. So I don't want to go straight in there with a Wilson. Yeah. Let me where you're going wrong. No, but I don't even know if I, we didn't even know if we were going to like it. Right. So I don't want to go straight in there with a Wilson. Yeah. Let me just go to my trade

and he bought, oh my God, I've bought so much. Is that the best one? Is that the best tennis brand? Wilson. Barbalo. No, Barbalat.

Barbalat. So it doesn't start with O. No, it's got an O in it. Are there any famous players that represent that brand? Barbalat brand. What about, I don't think so.. What about Rafael Nadal won the Melbourne Open wearing a $1.5 million watch?

Who's this? Here's someone who's Twitter. Hashtag Twitter. They look like a famous tennis player. Babelat. Rafael Nadal. He uses... Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You should get a $1.5 million watch to wear as well. I'm using the same exact tennis racket. And did you win? Well, we didn't play tennis. We just sort of tried to rally. You know, like back and forth, back and forth, get it going.

And there were no rules. Like, you could double bounce, you could triple bounce. As long as you sort of got it. So this was the Weet-Bix Kiwi Kids triathlon of a tennis match. Yeah, except No rules. We're like 30 and 40.

Try your best, yeah. And I was bucketing sweat like seconds in. Was there heaps of like, if there was a montage you guys playing with it, there'd been heaps of like

reaching right out but missing it and the ball just kind of like dribbles past? No, yeah. Aaron had a lot of like reaching and missing. I had a lot of swing and miss.

Just that embarrassing feeling of like, and just nothing happens. It's a busy course, those ones down the road from your place. Yeah, they know that no one was there. There was a couple of people dribbling a basketball in the hoop down the thing. We made sure that we went at a quiet time. You big birds should try that next time.

Maybe basketball's more in your height range. Yeah, it makes more sense. I need more skill to play tennis, but maybe I'll try badminton. Because you think it moves slower, but it doesn't. They just whack it harder. Yeah, but you can't whack the tennis ball harder.

It just goes flying into the new builds across the road. So there'll be some builders turning up to work today with a few free tennis balls. Might want to get your deposit back. ZM's Add to Cart. This is how it works. We will give you the first item now. You're going to be listing across today

for the rest of the items. Now, this will happen at 11, 2 and 4 and then you've got to be the first to get through and call back with Bree and Clint at 5 to win everything in our virtual shopping cart. We gave away some amazing prizes yesterday including the Dyson sticky thing. The Dyson

Air Wrap. A pair of PJs, a Mecca voucher. I looked at it yesterday and I was like, oh, that's a good one. It was right up your wheelhouse, wasn't it? It was right up there. In your wheelhouse or up your wheelhouse? No, up your alley, in your wheelhouse. Okay, yeah.

You know what I meant. Up your wheelhouse. Today's first item Add to cart A Smeg toaster You know Smeg Got a little bit of a retro feel to it But look it's got like a Basket

So you can pull your toast right out That'll go with your Smeg knives From New World Also I was in New World yesterday They've still got those pots around. That hasn't gone as well, has it? I would love to see some statistics on how well that pot situation went for them.

Do you think it's because this time you had to collect the stickers but you also had to pay? Yeah. That defeats the purpose. Yeah. I've got a bunch of stickers if anyone wants them.

I do. Yesterday she said to me, oh, you're not collecting the stickers That's what the lady said to me at the thing I was like Your Jedi mind tricks don't work yet Absolutely And then she like laughed

And didn't give me the stickers Oh But you're not though are you? Yeah Oh you are But then I don't know where I've put them Do you want my stickers? How many have you got?

Uh about 10 or 12. That's not enough for anything. Yeah, no, but if you've already got stickers on the go, I'm not filling a sheet for you. Fill a sheet for me. I'm just saying, if you're a bit short, you can have my stickers. Fill.

Stuff you. Fletch, do you want my stickers? No. Oh, I'm going to put them in the bin then. Yeah. Despite both of you. Who wins here? No one wins if to put them in the bin then. Yeah. Despite both of you. Who wins here? No one wins if you put them in the bin.

Kitchen aid wins. Yeah. Next on the show. We want to talk about something very unusual that somebody has seen at a hookup's house. She went to this lad's house. What she saw there disgusted her. It disgusted me too. I think it would disgust me.

I'd leave immediately. Not immediately disgusted? I've got questions though. You'd still stay, eh? But then you just wouldn't go back. I'm not leaving some hot dude's house

without a smooch at the very least. A smooch and a squeeze? Smooch and a squeeze and a... Slap on the bum. A lick. Alright, it's next.

Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. A wahine has gone on a date, and what she saw when she went back to this guy's house was enough that she was like, you know who needs to hear about this? Taktak. Taktak.

Oh, Taktak. Taktak. Right. Taktak. Takt-tac. Tic-tac. Oh, tic-tac. Tic-tac. Right. Tic-tac. Tic-tac-toe. Tic-tac. The world needs to know what I saw in this guy's house. Yeah.

And she said, I want to hear about your shitty date stories. Oh, what? Is she doing radio phone and topics? Yeah, on Tic-tac. So, like, back up, Tic-tac. Stay in your lane. Sorry. Stay in your lane.

Internet, stay in your lane. Do a little dance and shut up. Yeah. Sorry. Stay in your lane. Internet, stay in your line. Do a little dance and shut up. Yeah. Sorry, I got aggressive. I don't mean that. Why don't you take a movie quote and then lip sync to it and shut up. Why don't you show me what colour eyes best suits you and then shut up. Shut up.

Show me what you look like as an old man or an old lady. And then why don't you just shut up? Anyway, one of the replies was that they went to a hookup's house and beside his bed, he had a giant pile of every piece of chewing gum that he chewed stuck. Like a pyramid of chewing gum. Yeah. Look how massive it is It's like to describe it It's been in a big bowl And then it's been

I'd imagine when it's hardened They've taken it out of the bowl And then continued to pile it on top So it looks like there's a traffic cone on top It's in a cone form Box of tissues next to it for Scale For scale

The same size as a box of tissues Yeah so You know but height It'd same size as a box of tissues. Yeah, so, you know, but height, it'd be three, four boxes of tissues. If you were to stand a box of tissues as it sits, you know, like in that rectangular form, I'd say, yeah, three or four high. It's so gross, and it's all like

grey and hard and chewed. Yeah. Oh, it would stink. It would stink. And that's on the bedside table. Yeah. Next to a box of tissues. The only And that's on the bedside table. Yeah. Next to a box of tissues. Yeah. The only thing that goes on a bedside table is a lamp.

Also, if you're a dude, don't have a box of tissues beside your bed. Never have a box of tissues beside the bed. He's got sinus issues. What's your problem? That's what everybody says when they play with themselves too much in their flat room. We had someone from management on a Zoom last year with a box of tissues next to the bed. Oh, my God, amazing. Everybody was just like, what's going on there?

We know what that is. We know what that's for. Yeah. You don't need to keep your moisturizer right beside the bed. I would have kept that in the bathroom. Dry feet. Yeah. Dry feet scratching the sheets.

Bedside table. It's a lamp, a plant, your charger, a book. Your charger. That's it. A couple of, maybe a little knick-knack, but not a huge pile of chewing gum. Chewed gum. Chewed gum. So we want to ask this morning.

Hang on, before that, did she leave immediately? No. No word whether or not I'd leave. Would you leave? You must have some face if she didn't leave. That guy must be a good looker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe that's the test.

Maybe it's there because he knows it's nasty, but he needs to know that he's still got it. Because the day that a girl's like, no, the chewing gum thing was gross, he's like, I need to go and get Botox. I need to start, you know, preserving this. We want to know this morning what you've seen in a hookup's house. The craziest thing. The craziest, the weirdest, the grossest.

You've gone back to somebody's house for a little, I'll say it, smooch on the lips. Sure. And you've said something weird. What have you? No, no, no, no, no. I once went to a hookup's house and it wasn't a weird thing,

but he had one of those mink blankets on the bed and it was Spider-Man. See, Vaughn would instantly, that would get Vaughn weak at the knees. Make the undies drop. How old was he? 20? Yeah, we had a flatmate with a SpongeBob one.

Okay. At one stage on a single bed. Not on. He was feeling the might. It was not warm in the cockles, I'll tell you what. Right. It was not for me. Not getting the engine purring.

I mean, it did eventually. It was all right. Right. He just had to work a little harder for it. Once he took it off. He had to set the flip a dozen times. All right. So 0800DARLS at M.

We want you to give us a call. You can text as well, 9696. What is the craziest thing you've seen at a hookup's house? I don't know if we're going to beat a pyramid of used chewing gum on the bedside table. I hope we don't beat it. It's like a massive pyramid. I was like, I was just about to say something off air, but then I thought, this song sounds like it's ending,

and then it wasn't. ZM, Fletchmore and Hayley, we are going through your text messages now, and we are quite disgusted. God. I would like, on behalf of males, to apologise. I was just going to say, are there any people messaging in about stuff they've seen in a woman's? Yes, there are.

It might be unusual, but it's not just straight up gross. Yeah, but the females can be dirty. Absolutely. We can be filthy. So a woman has seen a man's towering chewing gum tower on his bedside table.

Disgusting. We want to know the weirdest or grossest thing you've seen at a hook-up's house. chewing gum tower on his bedside table. Disgusting. We want to know the weirdest or grossest thing you've seen at a hookups house. Some text messages in. My friend went

to a guy's house and he had a little decorative matchbox looking thing beside the bed. I said, a friend said, what's that?

And he said, that's my cremated pet bird. A matchbox. Let it go. A bird. A little decorative matchbox with a bird. No, birds are precious to some people. Would there be nothing left if you cremated a bird? Because the bones are

hollow, that's how they fly. And then the feathers would just go nowhere. I've picked up the ashes of a dead bird for my friend. What is that? Powdered beak? That'd be it. It was very small. I'm sorry, but how much are you paying to cremate a bird?

This bird was her dearest friend. No. You'd put a bird in with a dog, right? You're not going to start up the furnace for a bird. Oh no, yeah, and just scrape off a portion. Yeah, you're going to find a medium-sized Labrador and then put the bird on that side. And then just be, here's your bird, and they scrape off a portion. Yeah, you're going to find a medium-sized Labrador and then put the bird on that side. And then it's like, here's your bird, and they'll never know.

And then there's nothing left from the bird, so they just put a bit of lab in there. Yeah, absolutely. A bit of corgi. A bit of corgi. And they're like, there you go. That's definitely your bird, not just some other animal. Kate, what did you see at a hookup's house?

Hi, so I walked into the lounge of his apartment, and there was like a giant, I don't want to say life size, because I don't know if it's life size or not, but a giant Snorlax beanbag. Snorlax thieves, very large Pokemon. Yeah. Hot. This guy's like almost 30 as well, so it was alarming. You see, Vaughn instantly is like, there's nothing wrong with that.

I would have a Snorlax beanbag, absolutely. Yeah, well, I mean, we're together now. He's my boyfriend now. Oh, babe, I mean, we're together now. He's my boyfriend now. Oh! Babe, you snore through it. Kate, how long did it take you to get rid of his beanbag? I mean, it's still there. It's quite comfy.

I'll give him that. Kate! I'm Googling Snorlax beanbag, and it is not aesthetically acceptable. Could you go and see Mr. Fuju, who gave you you the poker flute and you awoke the Snorlax? Yeah, look, it was super effective. Yes! I'm loving those Pokemon references that are going completely overflash in Hayley's head. I've seen the Google pictures of the Snorlax beanbag.

That's hideous. Very hideous. That's not going with anything in anyone's house. Slash the sides of that thing and put it in the bin. Kate, thanks. You're cool. Jay, what did you see at a hookup's house? Hey, I dated this male stripper years ago that I met in a nightclub.

And when I went back to his place, he was like, oh, you can come and see my room and I went into his room and his walls were like wallpapered lined with naked photos of himself. What? That's so narcissistic. Yeah I know I was like I'm out of here. But in all honesty

what was happening down there? What was happening underneath those clothes? Oh wow he just loved himself so much. He was like oh my god. Yeah. But in all honesty, what was happening down there? What was happening underneath those clothes? Oh, wow. He just loved himself so much. It was like, oh, my God. Yeah. Nowhere you could look without seeing these photos, so it was really awkward.

Did you follow through with the hookup, or did that make you want to bow out? We dated for a little while, but it was kind of like, oh, this just isn't working. I just can't even, you know, can't even get this thought out of my head about what I saw. Can't look him in the eye anymore. Brilliant. Thanks, you're cool.

Jay, Alex, what did you see at a hookup's house? So I went home with a guy, took me to my room, took me to his room, sorry, and it was just a bare mattress on the floor. This is something apparent. I saw online, someone did an article about this, about how guys think it's acceptable to have a single mattress with no base. That is not what the mattress is for.

What, like no sheets or anything? No pillow, no sheets. Oh, what? That's awesome. How does someone sleep like that? One day he's going to sleep in a bed with some sheets and a pillow and he's just going to be like, I'm just going to have the best sleep of my life. That's, no.

So were you immediately like, I'm out, I can't go through with this? Or did you leave your mark on the mattress forevermore? Yeah, she didn't leave. She's like, um, well. I'm here now. It's a whole Uber back. Well, here, there's stuff in my car in the morning, so I didn't want to pay for Uber, so I made a stick.

Yeah, fair enough. Fair enough. I would have popped back with a set of Kmart sheets. Yeah, late night shop. That's why they're open late, isn't it? Yeah, for this very reason. Alex, thanks. You call some messages in.

Not reading that one. Not reading that one. I went home with a girl once. Here we go. For the person that just said, are you guys having fun male bashing this morning? God, roll my eyes. Oh my God, I know.

Men have it so hard. I know. It's you guys having fun male bashing this morning? God, roll my eyes. Oh, my God, I know. Men have it so hard. I know. It's so hard having a penis. It's in the way everywhere. I went home with a girl who had a full portrait of her late father on the bed stand next to her single bed, which is, you know, understandable. He's passed away. But when you're trying to do the horizontal folk dance,

it's quite off-putting. Lay it down. That is. You can't start sm to do the horizontal folk dance, it's quite off-putting. Just lay it down. That is... You can't start smooching someone and be like, just a second, and then reach over and face down their dead father's portrait. I'm just realising that Aaron came home to my house for the first time and would have seen my koala bear

on my bed, who he now shares a bed with for the last 11 years. He knows about that. Yeah. Well, at least the koala's stuck in there. Yeah, he's got Velcro on his paws and it scratches Aaron in his sleep. Oh, poor.

I'm surprised he doesn't get caught on his bed and he wakes up with a koala on his face. Yeah. I went home with a dude once, saw a Coke bottle full of what wasn't Coke, half full of what wasn't Coke. I said, what's that? And he said, that's wheeze.

The toilet is outside and it's too far away sometimes. Oh, yeah. Why did he not lie? Leave him. I'd just be like, that's my Barocca. No, because then what if she's like... If you can sell your wheeze as Barocca, you need to drink a glass of water.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kidneys are like... Yeah, okay. Say it's a special fertilizer for houseplants or something. Yeah. And my houseplants are just outside of the moment. How do you get it into the...

I know, a narrow neck. I know, very narrow neck. I went to a hookup's house. Says a lot. Says it all. I went to a hookup's house. She owned the house and the entire house was covered in Hello Kitty posters and there were teddies everywhere.

Oh, okay, no. She was 30 at the time. Yeah, that's a... Yeah. Get out of there quick. Yeah. Yeah, that's a... Yeah. Get out of there quick. Yeah. Yeah, that's... Run. Run. Get out of there. People are gross.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's specter today, I'll warn you, pretty cute. Okay. It's pretty cute stuff. It's about a narwhal.

Familiar with narwhals? Unicorn whales. Yeah. Oh, yes, cute. The horns are kind of used to poking through the ice in the Arctic and they live in the Arctic. Okay. They don't come very far south at all. Right. However, then, imagine

the confused face on researchers of the beluga whale. Familiar with beluga whales? White. White beluga whales. Yes. I've seen one in an aquarium. I know. Wow. Bad though. I've seen one in an aquarium. I know. Wow. Bad though.

I saw one in a Canadian aquarium too and I was like, wow, that's amazing. And then we left and I was like, how big do you think that tank was? Yeah. Not as big as the ocean. It had a story. It had been really badly injured by a boat propeller. So it had initially. I think they're like a dolphin-y type level of playfulness and intelligence.

They're real cute. So this is a story about, it starts out, you might be like, this is a little bit sad, but a narwhal got lost. A juvenile narwhal got lost and he left the Arctic. And he's like, mama, mama. I'm imagining. And there's no Westfield intercom to call mum No there's not Someone come pick up their bloody narwhal

Hi shoppers We've got a juvenile male narwhal here What's your name sweetheart? Craig Craig's lost looking for his mum narwhal He's at the information desk Thank you But kept swimming south Wrong direction Lost, looking for his mum, Narwhal. He's at the information desk. Thank you.

But kept swimming south. Wrong direction, guy. Wrong direction, buddy. Stupid Narwhal. And then he just happens to come across a group of belugas. And guess what? They adopt him and he becomes one of the boys because he is a lad and this little group of belugas that he hangs out with,

also a group of lads. Yeah. And now they're just this bunch of marine mammal lads. Yeah. Who just hoon around causing all sorts of trouble. There's the St. Lawrence River, which is this massive, it's not a river as weird now, it's not like the Waikato River. It's a huge inlet. Okay. And at certain times of the year, the belugas. Wait, is it a river as weird now. It's not like the Waikato River. It's a huge inlet.

Okay. And at certain times of the year, the belugas... Wait, is it a river or is it an inlet? It's called the St. Lawrence River, but it's massive. It's up in Quebec, so quite cold still, but not arctic cold. But, yeah, they always go there and in the group, the belugas, they'll get up to some shenanigans. Yeah.

And now they've had this narwhal with them. So this was first spotted in 2015. And the article that I found was from 2018. And I was like, uh-oh. Yeah. He did. Four years is a long time. So I've done some research into whether or not the narwhal is still with the boys.

The beluga boys. Don't leave us hanging like this, Bourne. And I can tell you in late 2021, the boys! The boys! The boys!

They're still friends. Yeah, he's still hanging out with the boys. Now some of the boys had babies and their Beluga missus is like, don't think you're going out all night in the St. Lawrence River with the boys had babies and their beluga missuses are like, don't think you're going out all night in the St. Lawrence River with the boys. And then our walls are just like, come on, it's the boys. And so Saturday they always go out because Saturday is for the boys.

The boys day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they do like, they do, it's not just like boys, lads, lads, lads stuff. They get together, they do some charity work They share their emotions Do they do like a bitch and stitch? What's a bitch and stitch? Oh my god, when you get together with a group of people

And you sew things and you have a little goss Drink wine No Oh guys I knew what the bitch was, I was confused at the stitch Yeah The bitch and stitch It's good fun

Like a little sewing, darning, knitting Gaggle of women Yeah, repair group No, not these dudes, they're just out there being boys So today's fact of the day is After becoming lost, disorientated and well away from his usual Darning, knitting. Gaggle of women. Yeah, repair group. No, not these dudes. They're just out there being boys. So today's fact of the day is after becoming lost, disorientated, and well away from his usual area, a cute little narwhal was pretty much adopted by a bunch of beluga boys.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yesterday after the show I was discussing with producer Jared Some Dungeons and Dragons related chat There's a podcast, Critical Role Fantastic Dungeons and Dragons podcast And both of you yesterday tried to recruit me into the sport I have said I think you'd be great at Dungeons and Dragons podcast. And both of you yesterday tried to recruit me into the sport. I have said I think you'd be great at Dungeons and Dragons. It was a compliment because you've got to play this character and you're a character actor. I don't want to do that.

Like, when you hear Vaughn talk about that, do you kind of shrivel up? It makes me want to shrivel up. It's great fun. You're all dumb. Sweet comeback there Wow You really nailed us

We're on a two four Comebacks But anyway I was Jared and I were talking about Dungeons and Dragons And I think I'd been talking For a little while

When Georgia Burt Says wow Really That's cool Now that's What she said Very similar And I was like okay

And so I started talking More directly to Georgia. And then I could see she was slightly confused. And Jared said, were you being sarcastic? And that's when we learned that Georgia can't do sarcasm. It was obviously sarcasm. It wasn't. Why would I care about D&D?

Or I even nicknamed it. I just thought you were just being a caring friend who was just like, Vaughn seems passionate about this. I'll give him some time. This sounds like something I could get involved with. No, see, the way I actually said it was, oh, cool. No, that's not great. Carwin, you were there.

Carwin, can we get you to chime in? Because you were there and you're a neutral party in this. How did Georgia say it? Hold on, she's just getting her microphone turned on. Sorry, it wasn't working. Say that again. How did Georgia say it? Hold on, she's just getting her microphone turned on. Sorry, it wasn't working. Say that again. How did Georgia say it when she said... Yeah, because she's given an example of how she said it.

It's very different to how Vaughn said it. She was like, wow, that's so cool. Yeah, that's what I was like. That was the time. No, that is so high-pitched. No, it wasn't. Can you hear your pitch? That's just how you said it.

It was like, wow, that's so cool. Yeah, no, that's pure excitement. No. That's just how you said it It was like Wow That's so cool Yeah no that's pure excitement No That's pure joy Now let's hear Carwen's greatest sarcasm Carwen's Drips sarcasm

At the social media desk How would you sarcastically say that Carwen? Wow that's so cool That's sarcasm Georgia Oh I said cool wrong I should have gone cool No No I think it's

I think And's the end. I think, and take this as a compliment, you're too nice to be sarcastic. You are too nice. You're too nice. No, I'm not. Georgia Birch is too nice. It's why you got reeled in and you read out the shout outs.

The fake names. Yeah, but sometimes, like, if you're going to put a bunch of names together, I'm not going to take the time to read them before I read them out loud. Right. Sometimes. You're a bit concerned now that you've been just talking.

I tell you all sorts of like long-winded, some would say slightly nerdy things, and you're always like, cool, keen to hear more. Oh, the nerdy stuff never came to you. Has it all been sarcasm? Always if it's nerdy. Like Marvel, I could be like, oh, cool. Marvel. I mean, I love Marvel, but I'm not going to be like, oh, old mate and old mate.

That's not sarcasm. It's more sort of like. Reluctant. Yeah, cool. Wrap it up. But you'll be polite. Whereas sarcasm, you're trying to obviously let them know that you're not interested. You need a hand signal to assist with your sarcasm.

You're like Chandler from Friends. Yeah, very sarcastic. Yeah, but I thought if I'm like, oh, cool, it's like, wrap that up. I don't care. I don't care that much. To me, I hear, and this might just be my wild narcissism, but I hear, I'm not fully informed. Tell me more.

Oh, no. I don't want to hear more. No, no, no. Oh, cool. You're like, oh, cool. Kind of like, I'm almost there. Give me some more information about the multiverse. Try something sarcastic.

So, Vaughn, can you say something to Georgia? Oh, I was listening to the Critical Role podcast this morning. They're going on this amazing little adventure where, you know, I've got a feeling they've got some big stuff around the corner. Oh, okay. Cool. No, you're telling me you want to hear more. Why have cool. No, you're telling me you want to hear more. You're telling me you want to hear more.

Yeah, you'll be like, tell me more. No, I don't want to. You've put my appetite. I can't try and edit more snark. You try, Hayley. Okay. Say something nerd. And I'm pretty sure next time that there's going to be, you know, like a boss fight.

Cool. That's good. Oh, you know, like a boss fight. Cool. That's good. Oh, I said that. You didn't say that. Okay, give me one more. I'll give you one. Oh my God, that's such devastating news for the marching community. Marching Nationals have been cancelled. You're interesting.

You sounded very interested and concerned. You wanna hear why. Why does anyone go, oh, if they wanna hear more. No, you've gotta go down. I would say to him. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Because you're like, ah. Which is like, oh, that's really interesting. Marching's a sport. Yeah, yeah, oh, cool. Sport. And then like, yeah, big eyes. Oh, yeah. And there it is.

Marching. No, that's just sort of ridiculing. I'm about to ask if you want to be part of my team. You seem so keen. I think I need to go to sarcasm school. You need some tips. I mean, we've been giving you tips. I just think you're too nice to do sarcasm.

Yeah. No, I'm going to work on this. Report back tomorrow and I'll be like, yo. Carwin, can you give us one more cool? Carwen, yesterday when she delivered it. Yeah. It's horrible. It stings.

It makes me want to cry in my car on the way home. Cool. No, Georgia, that's too nice. You're telling me I'm cool. Stop being so nice. I give up. Twice. Well, today's silly little poll. Do you push the pedestrian crossing button once or multiple times?

You have just got up to the lights. Not even a poll. If you only push it once, they miss it. The man behind the desk misses it. Yeah, the little man in the traffic light. No, there's no light on and you push it and it goes red. That means the push has been received. No further push is required. But also I feel like if there's many pushes, it's saying, hey, I'm in a hurry.

Let's do this. Yeah. It seems to be just being like, oh, but this time I really need to go. So if we could just hurry things along a lot. What it does detect, if one person walks up and pushes it and then I see that person push it, but then I walk up and I push it again, that's two different people pushing and the traffic light's like, there's more than one person here ready to go.

It reads your fingerprints and don't believe the lies it says it doesn't. It doesn't. So if you push it again and again and again and again, you're going to give them the message that there's a crowd and we better get a hustle on. Multiple different. If you push it once, push it with your little finger, next time you push it with your thumb. You know, spread those fingerprints out. I mean, I think If you push it once, push it with your little finger. Next time you push it

with your thumb, you know, spread those fingerprints out. I mean, I think we know that it does nothing, but it just makes you feel better. It just makes you feel better.

It makes me feel better. I'm just like, and I like to take my aggression out on inanimate objects as it is. So I get a bit more like, imagine if I reverse programmed it. So the more times I got pushed,

the longer you had to wait. You impatient little cow. I mean, I jaywalk as it is anyway. It's just the big intersections. Same. Cross the motorway, I'm like, I'm not waiting. I saw a guy walking on the side of the motorway today.

Had he broken down? Under Spaghetti Junction. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He was... Oh, okay. I think he might have been a tagger. Oh. Because you know how sometimes you'll see tagging in places

and you're like, how the bloody hell did they get there? I'm surprised more of them don't fall to their death seeing some of those tags. Sorry, it was just quite dark. How do they... You know when it's like a big hangover one? Yeah. When they hang over, How are they doing that?

Can you buy some sort of apparatus? Or like a, what is it? Like a rock climbing kind of a harness. I don't think you're tagging a building with a harness. You're not abseiling? I don't think you're abseiling. I think you'd be easier to spot if you were spelunking down the side of a motorway adjacent building so that you could put your tag on there.

This is one of our closest silly little polls yet. 47% said only once. Oh, people have a much calmer temperament than I do. I know, same. I'm like... Now, I want everything now. 53% said multiple times, duh. But that's very close.

Probably one of the closest we've had. Absolutely. Alex says 10 times while you're waiting and once for good measure when you've crossed to the other side. What? Well, how do I do it once he gets there? When he gets there, he just lets the light know that he's arrived. I assume by pushing it again.

That's a thank you boop. Works best on busy streets with little pedestrians so the lights go for no one. Oh, there's a real anti-car measure you've taken into your hands there, Alex. Yeah. I hate when the light goes and no one. Oh, there's a real anti-calm measure you've taken into your hands there, Alex. I hate when the light goes and no one's crossing. Yeah. Or they jaywalked anyway.

It's like, have some respect. Yeah. Exactly. Have some respect. Catherine says, never. I never touch it.

I'll just walk. No, but sometimes if it's not on, if the little red man's not on, you've got to waken it up. Otherwise it won't go. Yeah, but you're going to jaywalk anyway. Oh, yeah. red man's not on, you've got to waken it up, otherwise it won't go. Yeah, but you're going to jaywalk anyway. And that's what she's saying.

She won't wake it up if she's just going to jaywalk. Oh, yeah, good, good. Is jaywalking illegal in New Zealand? Yes. Is it? It's frowned upon. Yeah, like you go to... In America, you'd actually get a fine for it.

In like Australia, they jaywalk all the time. But I think because heaps of them get run over by trams in Melbourne. In kangaroos. And kangaroos. That's quite illegal. It's got to look both ways for kangaroos. Yeah, whereas here, I think I jaywalked in front of a police car the other day. Yes, I do it all the time.

And they don't care. I jaywalked in front of a yellow-eyed penguin. Yeah, yeah. And it just bounced straight off me. Yeah, good. So not nearly as dangerous as jaywalking in front of a kangaroo. Someone who doesn't have an Instagram name, so I immediately don't trust them.

I assume they're up to shenanigans and probably cheating on their partner, says, I always give it a karate kick. I even jump off the ground so that at time of impact, no feet on ground. Nice. That's good in these COVID times, too. You don't want to be touching surfaces. Yeah, I know.

I don't want to go too ninja crazy on it. My pet hate is when I'm already waiting there and I've pressed it and then somebody else walks up and presses it. Like, I'm waiting here. Do you think I'm here for shits and giggles? Do you think maybe I've already pressed that? That's been pressed. It doesn't need to be pressed again.

Do you know one of my life pleasures is pressing the button before a kid gets to? Oh, please. Because they love it. And then you're just like, bah. Sorry. They've come from the country where they don't have traffic lights. I know this because I was that kid every time we went to town. Yeah.

I want to push it. It's already been pushed. I'll be like, it might help. That man pushed it. Yeah. You can push the next one. And then you're just following them around for the day, ruining their day by pushing this.

Yeah. Nicole has read you like a book. I bet Fletch is a crossing button smasher. And then after giving it half a beat, he's just like, oh, well, I'm not waiting in jaywalks because I'm too busy and I've got things to do. Yeah, exactly. Busy man.

That's also you, though, too. That's me, too. Amy said, I don't know. I know it doesn't make it go faster and it doesn't feel right, but it doesn't feel right if it's not pushed 20-odd times. Yeah, I'm with you. And Hamish says, when I was growing up, it doesn't make it go faster and it doesn't feel right but it doesn't feel right if it's not pushed 20 odd times. Yeah. I'm with you. And Hamish says

when I was growing up I thought the amount of times it beeped when it went off was how many times the button had been pushed. You know how it goes to let people know

that it's time to cross. When he was a kid he thought that was unwinding itself for how many times it had been pushed. That's a good theory. Yeah.

But what if someone only pushed it once? I've got to I've got to... I've got to... When I was a kid, I used to always put my finger under the vision impaired... It used to pop out and buzz. That was so scary. And you'd be waiting for it.

Because, you know, I remember there was the myth that someone grabbed it and sharpened it. So if you put your finger under it, it would pop out and it would like... And razor blades on the Hydra Slide. Oh, God. It was right out there with razor blades. Yeah, 90s and 80 opened it. So if you put your finger on it, it would pop out and it would like stab you. And razor blades on the Hydra slide. Oh, God. It was right out there with razor blades. Yeah, 90s and 80s myths, right? So there you go.