ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 2nd March 2023

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

TikTok Time Limits  Top 6: Public Transport  Silly Little Poll!  Celebrity Treasure Island Winner!  MAFS Montage  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It is thanks to McCafe. Drive through and get a cup of barista-made McCafe coffee on the go. I was walking down the street of Grey Town in the Wairarapa the other day with my family. I went down for a visit and And a few people recognized me. Felt quite nice.

A few people. Were they like, we watched the baking show? Yeah, yeah. A couple of old gals having a point and saying, and I waved. And they said, oh, love you on the great Kiwi Bake Off. But then this younger woman walked out of a shop kind of in front of me, looked at me, walked walked on and then looked back and was like

Hayley Sproul and I was like oh and I always panic that it's someone from primary school that I'm like oh shoot I don't remember you

and I just looked at her and I was like hello and she goes oh no no no I really listen to you on ZDM and I was like oh okay

that makes sense that's lovely I know and then we had a little chat and then she said yeah once I saw Fletch in the street in Auckland and I said

his name and he ignored me, so I'm really glad you stopped. But that might have been me because when people say Fletch to me I'm like, why don't you fuck off? Fuck off and leave me alone! She's a big fan of the show but I may have had

my earpods in or I'm deaf. No, I think you're an asshole. Yeah, you're very fucking rude. No, because I would say, like the other day, someone was like, Vaughn. And I was like, fucking close, mate. Close. Yeah.

I booked at a restaurant under my name and they got there and she looked at the computer, saw Vaughn and went, hello, Fletch. One of you has a fear It's on the fucking screen I think it was just Fletch being A standoffish celebrity I would say hello No I've seen you You'd be too worried

About her saying I didn't like him No because I would always say hello He was mean I wouldn't do it on purpose He would not Fletch is far more likely to stop and talk to you in the street than I am Do you reckon I reckon people think that you would be more chatty Cathy

No I was wrong with him You just want to hide I'm not in public by choice People always say I don't think Vaughn likes me Or Vaughn's into living I know I love living It's just not around any other human. Sorry, now my argument has been supported here by producer Jared himself, who said, I can confirm that Fletch would not say hi.

He also ignored my wave and smile before I got this job. I'm probably, Jared, when did this happen? Jared. This would have been 2018, 2019. That was peak arsehole. That was in my arsehole phase. No, I would have just not heard you. And I'm in my own world sometimes.

I've got my headphones in. Or even just daydreaming. Or you're fundamentally an arsehole. I'm fundamentally an arsehole, yeah. Well, next time, if any of their podcast listeners ever see Fletch on the street, make sure to utterly harangue him. Yeah. And try to get a hello out of this.

Fundamental arsehole. He's also walking at a rate. You're going to have to trot to keep up with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I've had people say, oh, I saw you. And I say, oh, you should have said hello. So I'm always going to hello. So that you, I saw you. And I say, oh, you should have said hello. So I'm always going to say hello. So that you can spit on them.

And ignore them. Absolutely. Makes you feel powerful, doesn't it? Play Zeddy's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Happy Thursday, or as I like to call it. Don't you dare! Friday Eve.

You son of a bitch. That's good. That makes me look forward to Friday. Yes, it it, Don't you dare! Friday Eve. You son of a bitch. That's good. That makes me look forward to Friday. Yes, it does, doesn't it? It makes Friday Philly all that more closer. I hate you both. I don't like any nicknames. I said to Vaughn, I said,

I heard another radio station say, Happy Thursday, or as I like to say, Friday Eve, and I said, that's quite good. I'm going to steal that for our show. Every Thursday from now on, do you know what you've started, Vaughn? Yeah. Every said, that's quite good. I'm going to steal that for our show. Every Thursday from now on. Do you know what you've started, Vaughn? Yeah. Every Thursday.

Because you reacted. Because you reacted, I'm going to do it. You're poking the beer. Now, you may have heard Sam mention there's a big recall for hummus and dips. I've got two. I've got two of them. There is a full page in the Herald that has been taken out for this recall. This is huge news

because, you know, I'll eat hummus just with my hands. Yeah. I just fist, I just... Don't you just hold the tub and tongue it? Yeah.

Catch me on TikTok Live later where I eat like a pig. No, don't go on Vaughan's TikTok Live. It's a wild... It's the wild west. What were you watching some woman do on TikTok

last night? Last night, I just, before I went to bed, I watched The Mandalorian, first episode of season three. Oh, I need to watch it. Great, great, great, great, great, great. Now, then I treated myself to a couple of TikTok lies before bed.

Scratch the edge. And I watched a woman eat a milkshake with saltine crackers. Like... Ryan. Oh my Jesus, it just really ruined my day. What's the mukbang? They eat us. I've seen a guy doing that on TikTok Live as well.

Eating as much as they can. My favourite is when it's like a hot plate of noodles and the woman like puts one in and then just and the whole thing is just in like in one like slurp. Yeah. It's like watching a cow eat silage. We're doomed as humans, aren't we? Imagine what William Shakespeare makes of today.

Imagine what Frédéric Chopin makes of today. Yep. I wonder if the likes of Mahatma Gandhi would have bothered. Yeah. Yeah. We're doomed. But anyway, there's a whole lot of hummus recalled. A lot of hummus.

Yeah, you might want to check. Is there the beetroot one? Beetroot hummus with roasted cashew? hummus. Yeah, you might want to check. Is there the beetroot one? Beetroot hummus with roasted cashew? What brand? Lisa's? Lisa's. Lisa's everything

has been recalled. Oh, shoot. Well, I've got Lisa's smoky hummus and Lisa's beetroot hummus in the fridge. Lisa's beetroot with roasted cashews.

That's out. Caramelized onion, out. Chuggled capsicum, out. Gloriously garlic, gone. Shoot. What is the reason for this? Salmonella dub. Salmonella dub. So if you open up your Lisa's Hummus

and a guy pops out with a trumpet and there's eight people behind him. Your Lisa's Hummus has salmonella dub. So yeah, check your hummus. This is as bad as the Fat Freddy's drop recall of 2019. Oh my God. That was in the chicken, wasn't it though?

You'd open up your chicken nibs and Fat Freddy's would pop out. Yeah. It was in the, yeah. And that black seeds recall of 2017. Oh my God, all my pumpkin seeds were infected. Yeah. With the black seeds. Coming up on the show this morning,

quarter past seven this morning, the winner of Celebrity Treasure Island, spoiler alert for those that are watching. Three, two, one. Maddie McLean. Jesus, I hope this shuts them up. Maddie McLean is a dear friend of all of us. I love that guy.

I do. I love him. And he genuinely, I feel like people don't believe this. He did not tell anyone. No, he didn't tell anyone. Did he not tell Ryan? No, I don't think he told his husband. Because I watched a video of them watching it, the final, with all of his friends and family, and they were all so stoked.

I'd be like, how was Celebrity Treasure Island? It was good. I won, I won. I know, I'd tell everyone. I won, I won. Yeah. Well, he's on with us at quarter past seven this morning. Our grocery, grab a chance here to win some groceries,

some credit at the warehouse at eight o'clock this morning. Lisa's hummus, all sorts to give away. No, there's no, I think that's been recalled. The top six is on the way, and there's a push in Wellington to educate public transport users to the different etiquettes on public transport. Yeah, apparently there's a bit of an issue with Wellington public transport users. We don't all know our manners.

I thought Wellington public transport users were all good. Everybody takes public transport. Lots, everybody takes public transport. Lots of people use public transport. I used to be a menace. I used to sit in the back with a pump bottle full of absolutely a concoction of my parents' booze cart. And one time when I was like 18, I had the audacity. I was sitting in the back and there was those pull-open windows.

Remember those? The flip-open ones? Yeah. I just smoked a cigarette. I was sitting in the back and it was like those pull-open windows. Remember those? The flip-open ones? Yeah. I just smoked a cigarette. You piece of shit! Isn't that crazy? Absolute trash. What trash?

On a bus. Can we just pause a second? I know we're jumping back and forward, but we were having a bit of fun with sort of New Zealand bands. What do you call them? Grassroots? No. No, it's grassroots rugby. It's like... Yeah, I know. Roots is a dubbing root. bands. What do you call them? Grass, grassroots, no.

It's grassroots rugby. It's like, yeah, I know you, you know what I mean? Dub and Roots. Dub and Roots, yeah.

Now, Jared at the producer's booth has come up with a real goodie. You'd get a wandering thigh from Fat Freddy's chicken recall. Oh yeah, that's good.

I'm sorry that I've paused, but I just take it. I tell you what, he loves a pun he loves a pun loves a pun well done loves a pun

but for international listeners who have never heard these Kiwi bands they're going to be so lost oh you've got to check them out do yourself a favour yeah Fat Freddy's Drop

has been mentioned Black Seeds Salmonella Dub Black Seeds actually had what's his face Brett McKenzie Brett McKenzie from Flight of the Conchords

yeah he did a stunt. I remember when they used a Black Seed song on Breaking Bad. Remember when they were cooking meth in the desert? Yes, yes. And it was like... One of my friends is the... I mean, that's all of them, isn't it?

One of my dear friends is the saxophonist for Black Seeds. But when we get them together, all we make them play is... Best saxophone solo ever. All right, next on the show. TikTok. You know me, I'm the TikTok master of this pack. Well, they've introduced a new rule. Play.

ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. The show thanks to McCafe. Start your day with a great tasting McCafe coffee made just the way you like it on Friday Eve. Thirsty Thursday. I used to work with a guy who had a name of the week for every day of the week. What is it? Wednesday?

Hop day Wednesday? Mungrel Monday. Mungrel Monday. Mungrel Monday. Because Monday was a mungrel. Now, oh, yeah, you've got to go back to bloody world. Yeah, that's a bloody mungrel. What was Tuesday?

Taco Tuesday? Taco Tuesday Taco Tuesday Two for Tuesday, I think Oh, right And what was when? Hump Day Wednesday? Hump Day Wednesday Thursday, Thursday

Friday Probably something Friday Yeah, okay, good What's Saturday? Caturday Yes Really give a lot of attention Love to your cats

Yep Hey, TikTok They're launching a new, oh, this said adults only option, but I've scrolled down too far. Oh. Beg your pardon, I'm back up. Please scroll back up.

It's introducing a new time limit for users under the age of 18. They've announced that in the next coming weeks, all accounts that are listed as being aged under 18, so your teenagers, will have an automatic 60-minute screen time limit in place. So then you won't, after you've scrolled for 60 minutes, collectively over the day, so you do five here and then maybe whatever there, after you've met your 60 minutes, you won't be able to access the app.

Unless they make another account. Yeah, you definitely make another account. I'm saying you're 19. He's got around them. Yeah, so they're saying it's part of the, you know, it's like a safety thing and they're wanting people to be, you know, use their time right and enjoy the app but not become addicted to it for their health

and all this kind of stuff. But they have also said that they can readjust this. So I just like, why bother? So it's opt in, the settings opt in or opt out? It will automatically happen and then you can opt out. So they've said they'll have a passcode that once you've used your 60 minutes, a passcode will come up.

Now, I guess if you are a parent of an under 18 year old, you could be in charge of that passcode. So they can scroll freely and then a passcode comes up and they have to say, mum, dad, can I have some more? I've just got this on the girls' phones, like their devices full stop. How do you do it?

You go into family settings and you add their accounts to the family settings and then you can be like an hour and a half a day regardless of what it is after that. Oh, the internet or TikTok? No, any app. Any app. You can select the app, the total time.

That's what I do. And then that's done. They can still like text and call us. Yeah. But the phone just becomes a phone. But yeah, it's just a brick. What are your girls' favourite apps? What are they rocking?

A lot of TikTok. Love the Tok. Love the Tok. YouTube minis. How much would they spend on TikTok a day? If you let them? Yeah. All day.

It's bad though, isn't it? Yeah. A lot of studies say it's bad. I'm constantly like, why aren't you watching something? Like August yesterday, I had a sick day, and just watched clips and everything about Stranger Things. I'm like, just watch Stranger Things. Yeah. Watch something with a story.

It's the attention span. That's the thing. I know, and it drives me nuts. It's the TikTok generation. They've got, what is it, and it drives me nuts. It's the TikTok generation. They've got, what is it, 30 seconds, 60 seconds basically, and they're like, I'm out. Yeah, or they'll dual screen. They'll be watching something and be like,

I mean, I've learned from the best. That's what we do. Oh, my God, it's insane. Look on this TikTok Live. I was just opening up TikTok Live to prove a point that nothing good happens there. Yeah. This guy's bagging bags of water.

Look at this little machine here. It's full of water and it feeds this bag down and then it heat seals. It's so cool. And then it bounces out and he packages up these little water bladders. It's so cool. Oh, I'm not drinking that.

He just opened the bag on his dirty knee. No, but he's not, that's not the part that drinks that. Oh, that's the bag for the bag. The bag for the bag. I mean, there's a lot of plastic here. On Instagram the other day, I saw a guy shredding chicken with his toes

for some street food, and I was like, I don't know. This is why you don't eat street food. I'm all for a food truck gimmick. Yeah. Gimmick. But I'm not, I'm not. The toe doesn't need to get involved.

No, the toe can. Do you think TikTok Live could be a bit of me? You know I like my Insta Reels, which is just TikTok, but on a platform I'm more, less ashamed to say I go on. Yeah. Well, I don't know what you're going to do on TikTok Live because I've seen some...

How do I find it? You can do your Renos. Live. You should go live when you have a Reno, like an argument with your partner over the Renos. Yeah, and get people to vote. Yeah, am I right? Who's right? Who's right? Who's right? I mean, that would be so healthy for your relationship. That would be quite powerful. I think that would

be really helpful. Oh, this, here's a woman. Oh, Hayley Sproul. It just says Hayley Sproul NZ joined. Yeah, I know. That's the thing it tells them, and sometimes they talk to you, and I don't like that,

and that's when I go to the next one. She's a bit of you. She's a bit of someone you could subscribe to. No, thank you. Next on the show, I don't know if I believe this. Why are we talking about it? Because I want to get your opinions on,

this is another one I think of somebody who's made a story up, we'll never have to prove it, but yeah, right. Is bringing attention to themselves. Right. Like this podcast that made up the story about the woman that was breastfeeding the older man. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Now I don't know about this one. Come on. I think it's a big fat fib. I think it's a lie. Our Australian cohorts, Kyle, which I believe is short for Kylie Minogue, and Jackie O, which is short for Onassis. Kylie Minogue and Jackie Onassis. Yes.

Doing a radio program and they have a caller who says she's got an OnlyFans. Yep. And she keeps it pretty low key, just does topless, doesn't show her fanny to anybody. Oh, really? Oh, man. If I was going to bother, I'd go for that fanny money. Do you know what I mean? Is that their top tier?

If you're going to tear out your OnlyFans account, one, entry level, what do I get? Sexy photos. Sexy photos. Lingerie. Linger. Entry level. What do I get? Sexy photos. Sexy photos. Lingerie. Lingerie. Step two, what do I get? Even I can get that from a farmer's catalogue.

No offence. Oh. What do you... Thank you for saying that I have a farmer's catalogue. But the thought is that everybody gets the farmer's catalogue for free.

Yeah. You're getting something a little bit more exclusive. Yeah, but I want something if I'm paying, how much am I paying a month for this? 40. 40!

I've got a top tier body. Okay, right. I'm going sexy lingerie shoot. For $40 a month. Yeah, and then, oh, is that $40 a month? No, I'll go $20 a month lingerie. Your price is the same thing about being an OnlyFans boss, babe. You're in charge of your own hourly rate.

The next one for $25 a month, I'm going boobs but no nipple. So whenever the boobs are out, the nips are covered. And people are going to pay how much more for the nipple? $5. And then $30 is boobs with nipple. Right. $35 is boobs with nipple and a bit of bum. Oh, okay.

Be a bum. Not the inner, okay. Be a bum. Not the inner, just the cheek. Okay. And then the 40 will be? Everything. Vagina. I thought the dump would have been your top tier. No, but I mean, you've got to pay more.

That's my money maker for sure. More people will be going for the $35 because they get the top tier done. Yeah, right. But if you want to see the next level, you're going to have to pay for it. Right, okay. Okay. And, right, yeah. Well, imagine if you were to meet your mother's new boyfriend

and it turns out... Oh, it's happened to my father. He died in a lighthouse accident. What is he talking about? Well, you grew up in a lighthouse. He was a lighthouse keeper. What is he talking about? Well, you grew up in a lighthouse. He was a lighthouse keeper. It toppled, didn't it, into the ocean? Well, he had a huge storm.

He'd been petitioning to the Marine Board, the Lighthouse Keepers Association, to replace. Reinforce it. And reinforce some crumbling bits and then a large trouble of cycling and the lighthouse crumbled into the ocean and your father heroically saved you

and your mother chucked you in a boat. And to help support my mum because my dad was the money maker I've said it in only fantasy. Yeah, but your mother and you didn't want

your mother to be alone forever so she started dating again. And I'd be happy for that. Yeah. And then you meet her new boyfriend who's also a lighthouse keeper. She's got a type.

Oh my God. She does. She's opening herself up to a storm coastal storm got a type. Oh, my God. She does. She's opening herself up for storm. It feels a little too soon for me. Coastal storm-based heartbreak again. Oh, my God. Mum. But here she is.

What's his name? Colin. Colin. And. So she's gone from Craig the lighthouse keeper to Colin the lighthouse keeper. Yes. Okay. But Colin's lighthouse is all electric.

Wow. It's state of the art. Solar power. Yeah. Whereas your dad's was quite all electric. Wow. It's state of the art. Solar powered. Yeah. Whereas your dad's was quite old school. They've even said diesel. Colin, there's no need for this to even be manned anymore. And Colin said, I'll be damned the day I let the mother of the ocean go unwatched.

Wow, okay. He loves sardines, doesn't he? He does. I love sardines. It's tinned. It's fish. It doesn't go off. Yeah.

It's easy to take a lot of. Pop it on your toast. Omega-3s. Yeah. He loves it. Now, you met smelly old Colin who loves anchovies and sardines. And he loves patsy. And he loves patsy.

He loves you, man. He's also paying $40 a month to see the vagina on your OnlyFans. Wait, my new dad. Well, this is what's happened to this woman. This is the story. Get rid of your quotation. This is the story. Get on board.

You've got to start believing things that radio stations tell you. I won't believe a goddamn thing. How can we expect our listeners to trust me? I don't trust the media. Okay. They're all on Big Pharma money. Well, how are we meant to trust you? And I mean Big Pharma as in farmers lingerie catalogues, not Big Pharma

as in pharmaceuticals. Big Pharma's. Always advertising the Red Dot specials. Oh, I know. 20% off toys. That would be quite shocking, though. But that's the thing when you have an OnlyFans, Like, anybody can join. Anyone. Do you accept followers?

You know, like on Instagram, if someone wants to follow you, you have to accept it? People just subscribe. Yeah, but what if, yeah. Okay, that's a good point because what if someone gets creepy? Can they message? I don't know anything about it. Can you message them and be like,

G'day, Hayley. I'm paying $40 for the vagina package a month and I'd like to see a bit more ankles. Like, can you message them? I don't know. It's not the same as like live camming. Or car win. Oh, of course she knows. Of course she knows.

Pretty sure. You pretty sure? Are you pretty sure? I'm pretty sure. Yes, because my friend has one. Does she? He? She? She. She. Does she go full vagina? Yes, because my friend has one. Does she? He? She? She. Does she go full vagina? No, she actually only... Can we not say that word?

She posts just like tasteful little nudes and stuff. How much does she make? Now, what is the difference between a tasteful nude and an untasteful nude? But that's fair. Like she's not... That's an untasteful nerd. But that's fair. Like, she's not... That's an untasteful... She's like, here's my booty, but you can't see the... The hole.

What? What? What? She's not spreading it. Has she said how... So she's told you that people can message? Yes, you can pay to message someone. I don't know if that's something that you set up yourself.

And does she say how much money she makes? Well, it was her sole job for a while. Holy! What? Yeah. I mean. Should I get one? It's so good.

Absolutely. You do it. I'm not against it at all. Absolutely. I just went on OnlyFans to see if I could start one. And we'll just see how, you know, we'll start Tasteful. But bloody work won't let me on. Of course it won't.

They're trying to, no, but I would just do Tasteful. It's nothing pornographic. Okay, well that's for your own time, I think. I wouldn't show the butthole.

Not on the work, on the work, Wi-Fi. Oh yeah, I'll tether. I'll tether and then I'll get it going. Well,

bear that in mind after this story that your mum's new boyfriend could see your OnlyFans. Yeah. Well, bear that in mind after this story that your mum's new boyfriend could see your OnlyFans. Yeah. Well, if he's paying. All the whole thing was made up. Who knows?

Oh, my God. Stop. Just believe, Vaughan. I can't believe. I can't believe. I've lost the magic, Peter Pan. I can't believe. You have.

Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. There's been a study done and it has found that shorter people are more likely to be psychopaths. What are they considering to be a short person? A shorter person. They're calling this condition the Napoleon Complex. Yeah, but this isn't news.

And also, apparently Napoleon wasn't that short for his time. How old? For the time. People were shorter because they weren't as well fed as we are. Well, we've all got bigger, haven't we? Do we talk about that? Yeah, bigger. Bigger willies. Bigger feet. Bigger height.

So, I'm just looking for a height in the study, and it doesn't say it just says that they certainly found that both genders exhibited more signs of dark trade traits but it's if they were shorter

you've also got to be a bit more fiery because you might not be as physically intimidating so you've got to come out of the blocks a bit quicker if you're a short king don't you? Absolutely it's like little dogs. It doesn't give a heart. Yappy.

Yappy. They've got to use their vocal prowess rather than their physical. But it's also those shorter people that are unhappy with their height. Yeah, I feel like it's less and less a thing these days. Yeah, if you're happy with your height, you decide it is what it is. It doesn't bother me. I'd love to be a little springy petite person. Would you? Boing, boing, boing, and just boing around. I don't know if they like it is what it is. It doesn't bother me. I'd love to be a little springy, petite person. Would you?

Boing, boing, boing, and just boing around. I don't know if they like it. It's offensive. Ah! Boing, boing, I would. Me? Yeah, I would never get my treasure

from the rainbow. You're not a video game character. Ah! Yeah, I would love, I've always wanted to be a little bit shorter. Right. And everyone who's tall

wants to be short. Everyone who's short wants to be tall. Everyone who's curly hair wants to be a bit of. Right. And everyone who's tall wants to be short. Everyone who's short wants to be tall. Everyone with curly hair wants to be as a bit as committed. If I imagine if everything that I would change, I'd be a little curly haired leprechaun. That would be my dream bod. That's a very interesting thing because, you know, people are always unhappy with what they've got. But imagine sitting someone down and being like, okay, so what would you change about yourself?

Taking all the notes and then computering up. What you would look like. That's the official term for using a computer to do anything. And then you just computer up what they would look like. Yeah. How fascinating. Yeah. I would have thick, unmanageable hair.

And everyone with thick hair is like, oh, my God, why would you want that? Yeah. And I would be a little petite-y, little cutie. Okay. Wink, wink, wink. You know? Again, I don't know. Just bouncing around, bouncing around at concerts.

Put me on your shoulders. You wouldn't see. You wouldn't see the concerts. Yeah, that is a benefit. Ask a short person if they like a concert. That's a benefit. Standing in GA. There's a fine line, though, isn't there?

Because then you're Aaron, and you keep knocking your noggin on the doorframe. Yeah. And do people say things When Aaron's standing In front of them at concerts Oh yeah Like Oh

Real pass out comments What a bloody waste of money This has been This is a very sad story Now I didn't follow this guy Grandad Joe Is his name This is a very sad story. Now, I didn't follow this guy. Granddad Joe is his name. He's on TikTok.

He's blue tick. Oh, right. He's official. Legit. Oh, my God. You guys, now that we can pay for blue ticks, do you know anyone that's paid? I know some. I've seen a couple of people that have paid,

and I'm like, It's a bit embarrassing, isn't it? It's been embarrassing. I shouldn't have to. Name and shame. You know, I should be verified by Instagram, I'm afraid. So this guy, Granddad Joe, 1933. Yeah.

That's his handle. He's 89 years old. Now, I think he was part of like his daughter did a dance with granddad. What do you must think? And then everyone was like oh my god what a sweet old man. Let's give him his own TikTok. So she did. Then he shared this TikTok which has been viewed over a million

times. It's him standing in the mirror and he's patting his hair and he's sort of stroking it back, tidying it up somewhat and it says come with me on my first date in 30 years. He's all dressed up. He's got a shirt on and a nice sort of casual jacket, you know, sort of sports coat, shall we?

Then it cuts to him at the restaurant. He's got a bloody large pint of Stella Trois. He's rocking a beer at 89. Why not? Good lad. He opens up his phone. That's good. The granddaughter's taught him how to use the phone.

And he said, here I am checking to see if she'll, she's text to cancel. Oh, come on, old man. You're a good looking guy. And then it cuts to him saying, waited an hour. She didn't show up. So I just ate alone. The internet's heart is collectively breaking, isn't it?

Collectively breaking. She probably forgot. Is she 89 as well? It's hard to take. She might have died. If she didn't write it down on the calendar above the telephone. Oh, yeah. She's sitting at home.

She's probably forgot. The wall-mounted landline. Yeah, or she thinks it's tomorrow. Because she got her dates mixed up. Waiting patiently that whole time, looking at his phone, looking for messages, waited for an hour, no sign of the day. He was stood up at the age of 89,

having not been on a date for 30 years. Oh, wow. At the end of the video, he's seen with his hands on his chin, like a puppy, and he looks around and he's like... Do you believe this one? No. No, no.

Because he does say like oh and then she didn't turn up and I ate alone. Sad, sad, sad. Who's filming him? Yeah, the daughter. Yeah, the daughter or the granddaughter. You think she's manipulating this whole story arc? She might be because then he's like I ate alone. She's monetising her senior. She's monetising her grandad. She is. Followers, followers, followers.

Gets more and more Grandad starts doing HelloFresh Yep You know, all of these sorts of things Oh my god, absolutely Does he have a code? Yeah, he's got 10 Grandad Joe

It's Grandad Joe 10 10 off Yeah So the video was viewed over a million times Received just under 5,000 comments Many of which were like Oh my, I'm so sorry What a handsome fella

You know, someone will come along. Okay, so if you get TikTok famous and you're 89, what stuff are you going to be influencing? Like adult diapers? Yeah, like heart medication. Well, that entirely depends who your demographic is. You go into your insights, you see, you know, are you more male or female skewed?

I'm guessing more female skewed because this granddad doesn't have boobs. So probably more female skewed? I'm guessing more female skewed because this granddad doesn't have boobs. So probably more female skewed. Tugging on the heartstrings of 20s, 30s, 40s females. Yeah, okay. So then you're looking at, you know, that middle range there. That's the real money-making demographic. Your household spenders. Mecca.

Do you think he'd do some Mecca? He could do some Mecca. Yeah, okay. He could do his granddaughter's makeup, for example. Drop a big Mecca ad spawn in there. My God. Granddad Joe has over 6.2 million followers on TikTok. Okay, wow.

Yeah, she's monetising her seniors. So in other videos, previous videos have explained that he's been married before to a woman he was best friends with as a child, but then she cheated on him with his brother. I don't understand that. The brother? They're the same people. Genetically very similar. Oh, no, sorry. They were friends as a child,

dated as young people, but then she married his brother instead of him. Then the brother died. And grandad, Joe, swept in, saw his opportunity. Often the case, wasn't it? If you were an unmarried brother and your brother had a partner and children and stuff and they died, you would step in.

Raise the family. Raise the family. Yeah, right. That was always the way. Good, you'd have to move to Australia. I'm not doing it. I've got my own problems. I mean family.

Love it, love it, love it. That slipped down, Bourne. That slipped down. Love a supporting family. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Supporting family. Damn it. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello. Hello. Hello there. Metlink general manager, Samantha Gain, has commented on the new advertising campaign reminding passengers of onboard etiquette. This is in Wellington. Correct. For those public transport commuters.

Yes. Much like yourself, Hayley, that once smoked a ciggy in the back of a bus. I did. Disgusting. Rude. The audacity. Metlink's customer etiquette information campaign initially began in 2020,

but was disrupted for two years due to COVID. Well, thank God everybody used their manners over those two years. It cost $176,000 over three years because of the design, production, and installation of the ads across 200 train carriages, 450 buses, and three harbour ferries. Wow. Okay. So their messages were, one buses, and three harbour ferries. Wow. Okay. So their messages were, one, let people off before you get on.

Two, make space in the aisle. Three, say thanks to the driver or crew. Four, always. Always. Thank you, driver. Thanks, driver. Is that like a Kiwi thing? Because I feel like that never happens overseas.

You get off the back door, you've got to yell it. Thank you. Back door, driver. Thank you, driver. Cough or sneeze into your elbow. Give priority seats to those who need them. Keep the noise down and put your bags out the way. Nothing about not smoking a ciggy in the back, though.

No words on smoking a ciggy. So I'm a real follower. Well, I've got the top six other pieces of public transport etiquette that you need to know. Number six. If there's wheeze on the seat when you sit down, you're best immediately to stand up and. If there's wheeze on the seat when you sit down, you're best immediately to stand up and announce that there's wheeze on the seat so people

don't think it's your wheeze when you get off and the next person sits down on the wheeze. You have to. Oh my god, there's wheeze on the seat! Oh goodness. I've just arrived and there's wheeze here. There seems to be wheeze immediately. Because of the fabric pattern,

you can never tell what's on that seat. You can't see the dampness. That's why they make it that way. Yeah, they do, yeah. Number five on the list of the top six other pieces of public transport etiquette that were missed off this list. Don't eat food that when the brake stops, the food rolls into the back of your foot. Don't eat that food. Okay.

What do you mean rolls into the back of your foot? Well, you know, you're driving and the bus stops and it's like, it's round and it rolls and it goes doof and hits your foot. Imagine this. Okay. It's a New World Bakery chocolate log. Yes. And it's slid or rolled into the back of your foot, but it's still in the case.

Still in the container. Could I eat that? Yeah. It feels like a trap. And it's got like fake cherries along the cream. Yeah. What do they call those cherries? I'm imagining what are glazed cherries.

Maraschino cherries. Maraschino. Maraschino cherries. Is that what they call them? No, it's something else. Okay. No, slightly different. See, I think I'd almost be tempted to eat that.

But you don't have a knife. How are you cutting it? I'll finger it. Finger it. Just rip it off. Yeah, get on you. Number four on the list are the top six other pieces of public transport etiquette. If the person in front of you is watching pornography,

then it's probably just Brian Tamaki doing some research into weather events. Yeah. You know, because he's done... But he didn't want to do it in the church, so he would hop on a bus and have a look. Yeah. I'm absolutely loathe to talk about this. Yeah, me too.

Because I don't want to give that guy any oxygen. But the dude... Hey, hey, hear me out. The dude got busted by his missus having to play with himself for Pornhub. And then she's like, Brian! And he's like, research! What an arse. Research!

How could you? If you miss that story, he blamed the cyclone and the devastation in Napier and Gisborne. The lives lost, the billions of dollars worth of devastation. On people masturbating to Pornhub. So in order to sort of get a feel for it, didn't he? He said he Googled pornographic websites, New Zealand,

and it led him to Pornhub and he went on it. And then he went, I don't want to be doing this. If you're one of those morons that gives 10% of your earnings to this guy, think again. Give 10% of your earnings to the recovery efforts in those areas. Yeah, exactly. How about that? It's money better spent.

He lives in a mansion, by the way. Yeah. He's doing all right. You're facilitating a ridiculous lifestyle. Yeah. Enough on that.

And flies bad. A friend saw him in business class too. That's how Jesus would have travelled. Yeah, he would have. That's how Jesus would have liked it.

Jesus isn't in cattle class. No, no, no. He's having a little bubble. I feel like Jesus would have at least been premium economy. Yeah, a little bubble. I feel like Jesus would have at least been premium economy. Yeah, a little bit more extra room. He would have used one of his Jedi mind tricks to get an upgrade.

On the check-in stuff. Hello, Mr. Christ. Yeah. Oh, you see just down there to the right. Am I though? I think you're fine. You're in premium economy. Am I?

And then he's just like, oh, do you want anything to drink? Just water. Ding. Ding. Magic. I hope Jesus knows that. I totally ordered the water. Do you know who my father is? Number three on the list of the top six other pieces of public transport etiquette. No riding on the roof.

It looks fun, but it's dangerous. Yeah, don't do that. the roof. It looks fun, but it's dangerous. Yeah, don't do that. Don't. It looks fun. Number two on the list are the top six other pieces of public transport etiquette. They missed off their little list there in Wellington. If you're going to drink booze on the way to work, just keep it in a coffee cup. Yeah.

Open liquor bottles are a dead giveaway. They are. Yeah, but if you've got it all in a little keep it warm insulated keep cup. Yeah, those are good. no one's going to know. Good for a bloody Frank Green. That's a whole smirnoff. Jesus. You know what I mean?

You're going to be plastered on the way to work. And number one on the list of the top six other pieces of public transport etiquette, pants. Yeah. Pants, skirt, shorts, something that covers the bottom half. Well, you don't want to be sitting on those seats with no fabric covering your skin. Absolutely not allowed to Donald Duck it. No.

At all. That is the day sub six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, the gay agenda's set. I was dead to say that. I was dead to say that I was dead to say that and I don't back down I'm ramming it down

your throat the gay agenda is being rammed down my throat I can't escape him breakfast seven sharp celebrity treasure island

the radio he's omnipresent he's everywhere he is he is God yeah basically and now he's won

celebrity treasure island which I think of all the things we've just listed probably his proudest achievement He is God. Yeah, basically. And now he's won Celebrity Treasure Island, which I think of all the things we've just listed, probably his proudest achievement. Thank you so much. This is my Olympics, guys. This is my Paris 2024. Because for those of you that, for those that don't know,

you are a huge survivor. In reality, you've seen every episode of Survivor. Yeah, I have. I started watching when I was about 11. Love, love, love it. So this is like 20 Yeah, I have. I started watching when I was about 11. Love, love, love it. So this is like 20 years in the making. I started watching at 11, but then you just stop it. No, you don't, Hayley. You keep going. But it's the same

every season. No, it's not, Hayley. Unlike maths, which is different each season. Is it? For me, because I've said this before, who are we talking to? Maybe you, someone else who's done CTI before. And I was like, that's my worst nightmare. No, it was me when I came on to promote the start of the season.

And I'm like, why? Why? What part of you is drawn to the stress and chaos of being on an island with celebrities? The adventure. Like, what an adventure to have. Because when else do you ever get the chance to go and, like, play these silly little games, try and dig up berry treasure? Rainbow's End, $100 a head, great day.

You can go home, have a nice meal afterwards. And nobody sees you cry after you've done the long float. Yeah. Well, maybe they do. How many times did you cry? A lot, and thank God they didn't show them all. Oh, wow. There were some missing tears.

Private cries. Daddy's crying again. That's what my daughter said. Do the dishes and they'd be watching. Daddy's crying again. I'm like, okay, I'll be in in a minute. Oh, God. Thank you.

It's easy. You watch it from the comfort of your own home. You're like, you're thank you. Like, it's easy. Like, you know, you watch it from the comfort of your own home and you're like, you're an idiot. What are you doing? But in the moment, it felt very serious and

very real. And you're hungry, you're tired, you're out of your comfort zone, you're missing people. And you're fighting for something you

care about. And I'm a sensitive wee soul. Do we, do we? I'd be worried that I'd snap and go, Bush. I'd be like, oh, I

don't know what happened to him. You know, you left on, we had a huge. We had a massive night. A massive night, a cocktail night. One of those days we were like, well, should we have a drink? And then it just ended up being we're all hungover the next day. And then you were flying out.

And I had to go and start the game. Yeah. So you couldn't even have a hangover meal? No. You just got on a plane? Oh, no. You came back and, oh, my God, how much weight did you lose there? I think I lost six or seven kilos.

Jeez, you didn't have six or seven kilos to lose. And do you know the stupid thing? I had done my suit fitting before I went on the island. Oh, wow. And then I had to go back for another fitting about three weeks after I got back. And the guy was like, are you dying? What's happened to you? I couldn't believe when I saw you

soon after you got back. I was like, this is why it would be horrible because they starve you and I get so angry. Yeah, you would be so angry. I'd be perfect for the TV cameras. Great, let's get you on the next scene.

No, no, no, never happening. Yeah, the food thing's tough. For me, it's like the gameplay. I don't have it in me. I love that. I feel like a lot of the time I'll watch CTI over the seasons and I'll go, oh, man, like sometimes people don't come out looking so good. That's not you, for sure.

You come out, I think because you're more sensitive and your emotions translate quicker to tears than they do rage. Whereas I'll rage. I'll rage and then I'll come across and people will be like, oh my God, I thought Haley Sproul was nice. It is a funny thing because it's like, it's just this massive bubble

where all you're doing every day is like eating, sleeping, thinking, talking about, dreaming about the show. You've got no access to anything else. So all you're doing is like thinking about what's next and what's coming. So it's just everything is so heightened out there. Can you tell us about the moment that you found the treasure? Yeah.

What did that feel like? Oh, it was unbelievable because I felt like everything was against me in that final challenge because there were these like stones of power. That was the best. And they paused time. They paused time. Okay, watch. No, no, no, not real.

Not really paused time. But if Baro was like, magic stone. Magic stone. Stop. Go. And they'd be like, tweet, Maddie, stop for five minutes. It didn't turn into like a sci-fi show or anything. I was like, oh, you know when shows

turn sci-fi? I'm like, I'm out of this show. You're like, Tresor Islanders jump the shark. Yeah, yeah. No, but they could like

freeze you in the game to be like, you can't keep going for five minutes. You gotta sit down for five minutes. And Susan had seven bloody stones.

So she froze me for at one point 15 minutes. She played three stones on me in a row how dare she Dame Susan so I had everything up against me

and so then when I finally got there and hit the I got the thud the thud getting that thud was just the most unbelievable moment

and that's when it all crumbled and your daughter would have been like he's crying again you got the thud and now he's in tears God if you'd lost

you would have been unbearable. You would have gone on again, right? No, I am trying every year. Nah, this felt different this time. I honestly think if I'd left without winning, I would have been happy. I mean, I say that as the winner. As the winner, it's easy.

Easy to say from a winner's position. Well, you raised $60,000. Wow. For Zeal. for Zeal. For Zeal. The place where you used to go and hook up with guys as a teenager. That's where we used to hook up and sneak in little booze. On behalf of teenagers who are making out in the bathrooms,

getting a little bit drunk, we just really want to say thank you. I don't know if the charity wants that kind of... No, Zeal does so much more than that. Wasn't Zeal the name of a 90s surf brand? Oh, maybe. Because when you... First of all, I'm raising money for Zeal. I'm like, I don't think they need it.

I'm raising money for Billabong. Yeah. And my charity's Mambo. I'll be representing Hot Tuna next season. We really want to get that... What was Mambo? That's the farting dog. We really want to get the farting dog back on track. No, but

Zeal does a lot. A lot more than just music videos. Youth development programs and counselling services. And they were there last night and they didn't, I had a little viewing party and a couple of them came along and they didn't know that I'd won. And so to watch them

have that moment as well was unbelievable. So you've just been holding on to the money since then? Yeah. Oh my God, it's much like Vaughan's holding on to your wine. I still need to come out. Did you dip a toe? I told you when you left it there that that was going to be depleted stock the longer you left it there.

This was leftover wine from your wedding that was transported in Vaughan's Land Rover to his garage. Yeah. There is a lot that's gone. I don't think you understand the severity of this. We asked Vaughan the other day on the way to Brekkie. He was like, God, Maddie hasn't picked up this wine. We're like, how much have you drunk?

What did you say? Like, over a dozen. I don't know. A dozen bottles? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Or boxes. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

There are boxes. It's a mountain of wine. Yeah. Look, I've been busy, all right? I've been busy. Are you busy? He doesn't care. Yeah, I've been busy too, drinking.

Winner of Celebrity Treasure Island, friend of the show, Maddie McLean, thank you so much. Congrats. Thank you, team. Play it. CDM's Fletchford and Hayley. Fletchford and Hayley, silly little foe, silly little foe. Well, well, well. Was it a spin-off article this week that said we were maturing

and no longer required tomato sauce at cafes. Don't speak on my behalf. Please don't speak on my behalf. Absolutely not. See, I'm not really a tomato sauce guy.

Maybe if it's fish and chips. But I'm all See, if I had fish and chips I'd go sweet chilli or mayo. What? Yeah, I know.

You're getting fish and chips and pouring sweet chilli sauce on the side. The only tomato sauce I like is the carni sauce. Oh, yeah. Sweet, sweet, sweet. The chutney sauce. Sweet, runny carni sauce.

On Whitlocks. Whitlocks. Tomato spicy chutney. Yeah, it's good stuff. Chunky chutney. It comes out of that little hole. Yeah. We thought we'd put this to the test today with our silly little poll.

Would you be upset if there was no tomato sauce at a cafe or restaurant? 54% of people said yes, I would be upset. Ooh. That's not as much as I thought. No, neither. 46% said no, I would not be upset. I'll always order a side. Like, if they're not a place that has a little squeezy tomato that you can find at the counter,

I'll always ask for a side if I get chips and it comes with aioli I'll be like can I get some tomato sauce please see there's gotta be there's gotta be some kind of dipping

there's gotta be an aioli there's gotta be a relish or a chutney there's gotta be something no but if there is I also need tomato sauce

with my chips always I guess I'm just a freak like that I mean grow up I'm not like the other girls I guess I'm just a freak like that. I mean, grow up. I'm not like the other girls. I guess I'm just kind of like unique and kooky. Ride Me Down is

adoricable. Melissa said, I'm even more upset when they say, yes, there is tomato sauce, and they bring out some heinous tomato chutney that tastes nothing like tomato, just like pickled onions and nothing like tomato sauce. See, I'd rather have that.

I don't mind a chutney. I love a chutney. Sweet. Love a chutney. Love a chutney. Hannah said, I'm sophisticated and dry. Which is also her Tinder dating profile. I'm just going to put this out here up front.

I'm sophisticated, but I'm dry. I'm just going to put this out here up front. I'm sophisticated. But I'm dry. I'm dry. No sauce or gravy for me, thanks. What? She's just anti- Wet. Any kind of wet.

Anti-wet. No. Oh, my God. How good is dousing everything with gravy? I want some poutine. Oh, yeah. Now I want poutine. Pocho poutine?

No, I'm not staying for that meeting, so I'm not going to be here. We've got that meeting, though, where the poutine crosses over at our local. I'm not staying for a meeting. I want sugar sauce. I'm not staying for a meeting. You don't want a Reuben and some poutine? We'll discuss this off here. Someone scheduled a meeting for 11.30 today.

On a Thursday. On the Lord's Day. It's the Lord's Day. It's bloody Friday Eve. I'm not hanging around. It's Thirsty Thursday. You can't have a meeting on Thirsty Thursday. I'm sorry. It's the Lord's Day. It's bloody Friday Eve. I'm not hanging around. It's Thirsty Thursday. You can't have a meeting on Thirsty Thursday. I'm sorry.

Not on a Friday Eve. I won't stand for it. Kaylee says, Kaylee, not Hayley, no, I wouldn't be upset because I'm not five years old. I'll grow up. Oh my God. Yeah, see, I'm on board. A potato chip demands a tomato sauce.

Demands a dip. Because, well, I don't know why, just F and have tomato sauce, FFS. Lisa's very angry. Very angry, yeah. About a cafe not having a tomato sauce option. Tommy's sauce is an essential pairing with fries. Would also be upset if there was no fries option.

Oh my gosh, there's a pizza place that opened up kind of around where I used to live and I went and looked at it the other day and I was like, oh my god, awesome, wood fire pizzas, no fries No fries Just pizza Not fries Very interesting point

because you always get fries, you don't even think about it, right? You don't need them They'll ruin your meal in fact, you know this If you get them early, you're going to fill up on fries. But you always get fries. And he said there's no way places can justify $9 for fries, like a side of fries, $9, $7. Fries cost zero.

Very, very cheap. They don't cost zero. They cost like $1 or $2. Very, very cheap. And also the thought behind creating a great fry, when you get a good fry, there's thought behind it. What are those Dutch ones? There's a food truck in Auckland and they do the hand cut.

They do the Dutch fries. They don't do a Dutch oven. I don't believe that's a cooking technique for deep frying fries. I think twice cooked Dutch fries. I mean, there's a thing in the press in the potatoes. Now you're paying because the fries are the star of the show. Yeah. But if you're just going to a food truck and they're just hucking some

McCain's shoestrings in a deep fryer, that's not a $9 situation, though. No. That's a $5 situation. The piss, the piss is being taken. The piss has been taken. More feedback. Jana says, this is New Zealand. My sister used to drink Wadi's tomato sauce

by the cup. Of course you've got to have it to a company that fries. That's gross. Although I can remember as a kid getting a squirt bottle and just being like,

is anyone around? Yeah. Straight in the mouth. Especially the carny sauce. That's good. Straight in the mouth. That's like 80% sugar.

Oh yeah. That's why I like it. And finally Renee says, not outwardly. I would say, can I please have tomato sauce? And if they said they had none, I'd be like, okay. Internally, I would be fuming. But I'm an introvert who must avoid conflict at all costs.

But internally, she's fuming. Well, TripAdvisor have released their list of best beaches. They break them down into the best beaches in the world and the South Pacific. That sucks. How do they do this? Well, so I think it's traveller rankings. Yeah, it would be. It'd be based on reviews of beaches and stuff.

Like, when you go to a beach overseas, do you ever jump on TripAdvisor and go, four out of five, that was so nice. Yeah, no, neither. I can't be bothered. The only time I'll ever go on TripAdvisor is if a business has given me an incredible experience and they've asked, they've been like,

please, can you give us a review? Oh, I had a bit of that on my last holiday. This restaurant, like, basically bullied us into leaving a review. And then, like, they kept hinting at it. And then the waiter at the end was like, please, can you review? My job depends on it. And we're just like, yeah. Jesus.

Did they want, like, a special shout out? Like, also, our waiter was great. Yeah, like, they basically want to be the number one restaurant in this city. But why did the waiter has skin in the game. I don't know. They're just absolutely guilt-tripped. But, I mean, nobody's pressuring you to vote for a beach, are they? No, the beach isn't like, please, we're desperate.

I really need these ratings. We need to keep our doors open. I guess when you're, like, I remember when we were in Thailand once, I remember someone saying, oh, there's this amazing beach on Copenhagen. That was all they said, and I was like, whereabouts? And they're like, oh, it's hard to, I can't really remember. I was like, okay, yeah, there's this amazing beach on Copenhagen. That was all they said and I was like, whereabouts? And they were like, oh, it's hard to I can't really remember. I was like, okay, too many mushrooms. Then on TripAdvisor I looked it up

and beaches do get reviews. And then you can kind of like see what they look like. And it was Salad Beach on Copenhagen if anybody's popping over to Copenhagen. Beautiful beach. Stunning beach. And it was hidden away. It was like down a rugged old road. There was a bar at the end of it serving cheap beers.

It was just lovely. Stop it. It was just lovely. Literally stop it. Stop it. Let's get back to Thailand. Literally stop it. God, I love Thailand.

Well, the only New Zealand beach to make the list, Tahunanui Beach in Nelson, which is surprising because, you know, you drive an hour away and you've got Kiteri, which is beautiful. You know, Abel Tasman, Gold Sand. Abel Tasman's so beautiful. It is. It's incredible.

Oh, my God. That was the number eight on the list of the South Pacific beaches. Australia, absolutely. Don't put Bondi on there. They took the honours Cable Beach in Broome in Australia is the number one beach I'll show you a photo

That just looks like a broome That's Western Australia That's shark infested You get eaten by a shark That's not getting 5 out of 5 from me Manly Beach, number 2 Manly I mean a nice enough beach,

but we've got better beaches than that. Emily Bay, Norfolk Island. Number three. Malulaba Beach in Australia. Where's Malulaba? That rings a bell. It sounds like somewhere my parents would go. It's in Sydney, isn't it, Sydney? Oh, that looks stunning. White sand.

Bora Bora has a beach at number five, Matero Beach. Four Mile Beach, Port Douglas, Australia, takes up the sixth spot. Yeah, that's nice. Whitehaven Beach, the Whitsundays, never been there, but that does look beautiful. Whitsundays is gorgeous. Yeah, and then number eight, Tahuna Beach in Nelson,

taking up the South Pacific. I do have the list of the world's best beaches. I'll just tell you number one. It's in Brazil. Baia do Sancho. What does that mean? What does that translate to? I don't speak Portuguese.

You don't speak Portuguese? I don't speak Portuguese. But yeah, that Eagle Beach in Aruba is number two. Jamaica, ooh, I wanna to take you to Bahama. Mama, come on, pretty mama. What was the name of that first beach you didn't speak Portuguese? Baia do Sancho. Baia, how many how do I spell that?

B-A-I-A and then D-O and then Sancho. Baia do Sancho. Cable Bay in Broome, Australia took out the third spot in the world's best beaches and then in Vic, Iceland, a beach took out the number one. Would you want to go to that beach? I mean, it's got the aurorius

borealis. Oh, I do love an aurora borealis. I've never seen it. I've never seen an aurora borealis. It looks cold though. It looks cold, that beach. I just feel like... No bugs, no bugs.alis. It looks cold, though. It looks cold, that beach. I just feel like... No bugs, no bugs. No B-Y. Yeah, probably.

No little biters. No mountain haulers. I reckon the only thing stopping the mountain when it's competition those days is little bloody biters that get you. Yeah. I tell you what, if you're thinking of a holiday

and you want a nice beach, just go through this TripAdvisor list of best beaches because there are some incredible spots. There's some that I feel have so obviously been missed, like New Chums and Coromandel, which is one of the, they're always saying it's one of the greatest places in the world. Very natural. Very natural.

You've got to climb through the bush to get there. But then if you're not reviewing it on TripAdvisor, it's not on their radar. But then don't review it because then it sounds secret. The thing about New Chums is that it's a secret. It's a secret. You don't review it because then it sounds secret. The thing about Newchamps is that it's a secret. It's a secret. You don't even know the beaches we have. You know, I've had beef with my neighbours in the past.

Not anymore. Now I've got the best neighbours. It's finally settled down, hasn't it? Yeah. Well, one of them urinated and you stood on the bonnet of your car and urinated in the vents. Things got quite heated there. Yeah, and then we threw wine bottles up their driveway and let them smash.

It was a bit of a war for a while. You never told us that. No. Yeah, I did. Did you? It was when they put rubbish all over their front on their berm. Oh, yeah. And now one thing I have to tell you about Aaron,

he's berm proud. Oh, you've got to be berm proud. People are not proud of their berm. It drives them nuts. And they had all these bottles all over their Berm, and so Aaron just got them all and chucked them up their driveway. And then they pissed on my car. So, you know, tit for tat, I guess.

But now, producer at the Shannon Media Desk, Flannelette Pyjamas, she's having beef with her neighbours. Yeah, so we moved over the weekend, so I'm only like four days in. Oh, my God. Oh, no, rough start. Rough start. So we're in an apartment block that's kind of six,

so three on the bottom, three on the top. We're middle bottom and our diagonal up neighbour, so they're not directly connected to our house at all. I wasn't home, but we get an hour of power at midday, so free power for an hour. So my flatmate put the heat pump on to 16 degrees for the whole hour. Yeah, cool down. Cool it down, cool it down.

And she went out to her car as she was going to work, and the neighbour goes, I've never heard a heat pump so loud. You had that going the whole hour. And he complained saying that. What? Midday, having the heat pump on, he said it was loud. Oh, for God's sake, it's a heat pump. Where does the heat pump unit sit?

In our lounge, but we've got concrete walls, so much so that I don't get reception in my house. But no, but the unit itself, it makes the noise. Outside our house, out the front. It's not outside his house? No, no, not at all. So it's down a story from his house and a unit across. With concrete walls all in between.

But do you reckon it's vibrating? Is it vibrating? I think so, maybe, but he wasn't happy with us. Maybe he heard something else. Wow. Because these are... Maybe he heard something else during the free hour of power. Maybe, maybe.

Maybe. We know what you're carrying around the back seat of your car. I wasn't home at this point. Oh, right. But you weren't charging during that hour? No, I was still at work. Because sometimes they can fall off the charger, hit the ground, and it kicks them off. Especially got wooden floors, good lord.

But these heat pump units, air con units, can lead to neighbourhood disputes because they are loud and they vibrate. And quite often they're outside people's houses, but they're right people's houses, but they're right outside someone else's window. Yeah, especially if you're in a kind of a unit set up like you are. Gosh. Yeah.

So what are you going to do? Are you just going to be hot now? Absolutely not. No way. Yeah, we're entitled to our heat pumps. Do you just tell them to piss off? Yeah, I don't know. But we'll just keep playing nice and see what happens. What's he doing home at midday?

He works early as well. He leaves for work. He talked to me about it. He leaves at 5 a.m. Seems like a bit of a chatty Cathy four days in, eh? Yeah. He came to chat to us. Also, it's a nice, like, the heat pump unit's a nice hum.

It's got a bit of white noise. Yeah, kind of white noise. Yeah, it's not music or anything. It's got a bit of white noise. Yeah. Yeah. We sleep with two, like, oscillating fans in our bedroom.

I love the noise. Yeah, it's good noise. Brown noise, dirty noise. Love it. I know some people that they put a spa pool in between their house and their neighbour's

right up against their neighbour's house. Oh, my God. But on their property. They're noisy. And they didn't like that, the neighbours, because it was all like

bubble, bubble, bubble, hum, hum, hum. And they hum a it was all like bubble, bubble, bubble, hum, hum, hum. And they hum a bit, eh? That's like a witch's farm. But yeah, that caused some controversy. But they're like, well, it's on our property. We used to have a, when we lived in a split

house in Wellington, we were upstairs and there was a guy, there were two flats downstairs and he was from overseas and he would call home every single night. And he had like a voice for radio. He had this like deep, booming bassy voice. Kind of like Vaughan's voice. Was it like Vaughan's? People have said. People have said, my god, the rumble on this man. The rumble on this man. But it used to vibrate through the ceiling and I could like,

it was above my bedroom and it would drive me nuts. What did it sound like? Oh, that's the worst, sir, because you can't even eavesdrop and kind of get half the convo. There was no goss. There's no goss. There's no goss. But then what are you going to say?

Same thing. It's like he can't say to you, you can't put your aircon on. I can't say to him, you can't call. Yeah, your family. Your family at night. Yeah. So you just have to your air con on. I can't say to him, you can't call... Yeah, your family. Your family at night. Yeah. So you just have to put up with that. You should buy a home

because then you don't have to deal with it. I'm working on it. You're working on it. You certainly do. You just get your own place. You certainly do. Buying a home is no guarantee you're going to have angels living.

It doesn't sort out your neighbour's problem. What happened, Bourne? How long have we got? We're out of time. Probably not long enough. Yeah, we're out of time. Well, at the social media desk, Shannon, Shannon Leigh Pajamas,

is already beefing with her neighbour because of the noisy heat pump unit. She's only been in there like three or four days in this new flat. She's going to have to stay warm. We just heard from Rob. Oh, yeah? Rob from Home Ventilation Services says,

G'day, Rob. G'day, Rob. Actually, Rob, can I get Rob's number? I need to ventilate my home. I've got Rob's number right here. Perfect. Don't run a heat pump at 16 degrees. Low 20s on the remote will lower the room temperature adequately

and lessen the load on the outdoor unit. Cheers, Rob. What if you're renting, it's not your unit, and you don't care about the load on that unit, and it's free power? That's fair. I'm going to ram that thing and it's 16 degrees. Yeah, same. It's standing right under it.

We want our nipples hard, Rob. I want my nipples to snap off, Rob. Yeah, we want stiff nips, Rob. Maxine, good morning. Good morning. How are you? Why are you beefing with the neighbours, Maxine? So it was a couple of years ago actually now

but we've still got this ongoing dispute but the worst case So it was a couple of years ago actually now but we've still got this ongoing dispute but the worst case of it was we had a party and we never really kind of have parties it was a Halloween party and yes we might have been a bit noisy and had the music playing till rather late. Anyway we woke up in the morning and the lawnmower was going and we thought oh yeah typical Sunday morning lawnmower and then about an hour later was like, he's still mowing his lawn. Look out through the fence, and he's planted his lawnmower right next to our fence and left it going. That's a good bit of gear, though. And it went until about 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

Oh, that's a good bit of gear. That's funny. That's good from him. That's a lot of petrol. Yeah. Yeah, and we were just seething, and I was like, I want to go and's a lot of petrol. Yeah. Yeah, and we were just seething, and I was like, I want to go and throw a bucket of water on it, and my husband's like, no, you'll just steep to his level,

and I was like storming around the house being like, what can we do in retaliation now? There's neighbours, there's something about the retaliation, and it gets so petty like this. I'm going to jam a log under that thing. I can feel my heartbeat racing, like getting so worked up and wanting to do petty retaliations about these beefing neighbours.

We wanted to know what the beef is with your neighbour, whether you're the issue, they're the issue, how big, how small. It's racking me up. Great stories coming through. Greg, you're beefing with your neighbour. Yes, beefing in more ways than one. Our neighbours are musical butchers. They're the purveyors of the fine art of karaoke.

But we're not talking night-time karaoke. We're talking any-time karaoke. So I can deal with the butchered version of Sweet Child of Mine at maybe 11 o'clock on a Friday night, but lunchtime on a Tuesday, maybe not so much. I'm worried that Greg may be living next to my father-in-law, who has, I believe, just clocked up his

500th recorded cover. Amazing! He's done a couple lately that I've been thinking we should get on air. Are they that good? Yeah, Bloody Mary. His Bloody Mary Lady Gaga is top tier. I want to do a duet wow okay but it's just not good greg it's just uh awful well yeah it's it is quite loud it's obnoxiously loud and you know

you'll be sitting there trying to either you know do the work from home thing or you know it is really awkward when you're in the middle of a zoom call and there's just this permeation of that really bad cover kind of just coming through on the video where people look at you a little strangely. Maybe this is how we get people back into the office and back into university lectures. It's just stream more

karaoke. Vans drive around, the military drive around with loudspeakers with karaoke and drive people back to the office. 100%. Greg, in your neighbour's defence, she's got a smile, though, and it seems to me it reminds me of childhood memories. Yeah.

Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky. Her hair, for me, it reminds me of a warm stay place. Lizzie, how are you beefing with the neighbours? It's not actually me, it's my darling sister. Okay, and what's happening? So, she lives in sort of like a three-up little apartment complex. Beautiful brand new home,

moved in a couple of years ago. We balcony out the front, as do the neighbours upstairs. And the neighbours upstairs also own a darling little French bulldog, which goes for pee-pees on the balcony. Right. And then the neighbour, well, the upstairs neighbour,

takes it upon himself to brush said pee-pee off the balcony, which then in turn trickles down and waters the balcony below, which is my sister's. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Has she confronted these people? Well, I think there's been a lot of, I mean, we're English, so we kind of,

we don't really approach things in like a, you know, standoff type situation. There's been a lot of loud, and then she goes outside, a lot of sort of dirty looking in the car park. Sorry, can we get that sound again? I missed that sound. What a loud...

Got it, thank you. I'd love to run that through Google Translate, English to English. Yes, I think so would I. Oh, that's so frustrating. Yeah. Yeah, pretty grim. But yeah, it's an ongoing issue and I kind of need to get an update. But yeah, hopefully it gets nice and petty.

We can get some juicy goss. Yes, I feel a Passag note would be really good for that situation too. I agree. Yeah. Lizzie, thanks you call. A couple of messages to finish. Our neighbours kept asking us to cut our trees because it blocked their sun, but we didn't. So when I went to hospital to have our daughter, they came over and cut them for us.

That's like, you can get fined hugely right for that. Trespassing? Yeah, I don't know. You get in trouble. You get in trouble. Yeah. God, I don't know. Get in trouble, you get in trouble. Yeah. God, there's so many.

My neighbour has a portable cabin set up on her section to give violin lessons and she just sits at the door open letting the whole neighbourhood listen to the screech of a child learning a violin. Yeah,

that's a bad instrument to have to have. Hey, a little update because remember I did say the neighbours behind us at the back of our property, their son got a drum kit.

Yeah. It was terrible. It's getting better. Well, that's what happens when you practice. It's getting better. Practice, practice, practice, practice. Play ZM's Fletch for the Nelly. Play ZM.

We just learned about tofu cat litter. Also, you mentioned in our everyday grocery items for our grocery grab at the warehouse cat litter. And I was like, well, I always buy cat litter. Thank you, the warehouse. Thank you very much. And so I'm on there because I get the crystal cat litter from I was like, well, I always buy cat litter. Thank you, the warehouse. Thank you very much. Thank you. So I'm on there

because I get the crystal cat litter from Major Murray Fluffington, only the best. Very absorbent. Well, mine gets the best. It gets to go outside. And you don't care if your cat gets silica lung.

Yeah, yeah. Like someone that works in a stone top factory. I know, that's bad, isn't it? I'll probably get stone top lung too every time I stir the crystals. But no, and you can buy a bag of tofu cat litter.

Yeah. Seven litres. Yeah, we tried it. It was really weird. It's like little rods that have been cut into tiny little bits. Yeah. And it's like really light and fluffy. Yeah.

And then when they weigh in it, it just looks like tofu. Does it expand? Yeah, it looks like tofu. So then some vegetarian friends of ours came around for a barbecue and I just popped it on and they said it was the tangiest. They said, what is this marinade? I said, well, that's for me to know and you to find out. It's all how you cook tofu. It's all how you marinate.

It's got a nice acid-y citrus. Yeah, it sets off well. That is wild. I'll have to try that. The tofu kitty litter. You won't like it. Okay, I'll just stick with the crystals. You won't like it. I'll stick with the crystals. Yeah, stick with your litter. You won't like it. Okay, I'll just stick with the crystals.

You won't like it. I'll stick with the crystals. Yeah, stick with your crystals. You won't like it and then you'll try to pawn it off. A friend's messaging saying we tried it

and it's great because you can flush it. Well, that's the thing. You can just chuck it straight in the garden. Like we took it out and just chucked it in the compost bin

and it just kind of broke down. Goodness me. If you've just joined us and yesterday I pruned back my bird of paradise palm, ladies and gentlemen. A very hardy palm. It's a huge bird of paradise. I've been meaning to get around to that for a very long time indeed.

That's good. I did suggest that for content for the show today, didn't I? You trimmed your palm. I trimmed the bird of paradise. Were you surprised that it fell on deaf ears and you crow-mart it in anyway? Here it is. God, he's got a way with this, doesn't he?

He'll be like, we're not going to talk about that, Vaughan. Round about 8.15. And then work on it. We'll get there. Well, I hope you're happy you've lost half the listeners. Bye, everyone. No wonder your mum and your sister are entering competitions in the breeze

to win a box of cookie time cookies. Give me strength. And I said to my sister, well, I know I'll get mum for her birthday. Michelle said, mum won't eat those cookie times.

Why is she in the competition? People like free stuff. It's embarrassing that my mother is one of them. Come on, mum. Come on.

The recession hits everyone differently. Dad will eat the cookies. That's all. She'll just get them and then bitch about having, does your mum do that? Buy her things. Oh, God, your father's always got things in the house,

sweets in the house. You buy, you do the shopping. Just stop buying them for him. Oh, but you know he likes his treats and he works hard. He needs his treats. Oh, yeah. Well, don't complain about them. Why?

You've got to have someone to complain about. My family's one is always, oh, you know, because now Dad's retired and he's got some health issues, we're going to have to pull back on the wine. But we've just joined a wine club and the... Stop stocking the shelves. Wow. Please don't stop stocking the shelves.

Never stop stocking the shelves. We want to talk about malicious compliance, which I didn't know there was a term for it until today, but I believe I've been living a life of malicious compliance. Is this like when you weaponise your incompetence? That's my favourite. I love that. Weaponising your incompetence.

I don't know how to do it. You do it so much better than me. What? Go over it again. So you just end up doing it for them. That's weaponising your incompetence. This is where you're asked to do something that you don't particularly want to do

and you do it to the letter. Yeah. Much like we did yesterday. And overdo it. Yesterday. We talked about this on the podcast, if you're a podcast listener. You know the behind the...

And that's just a perk of downloading the podcast. You can find the podcast at all your podcast outlets, but I would recommend listening to it on iHeartRadio. Yes. It's my favourite. But anywhere. You can listen to our podcast at EG Podcasts. And Ross, boss, asked us if we were talking on the show most days

about awful, trashy Australian shithouse television show Married at First Sight, which for some reason, season after season, people desperate for attention and perhaps a social media following put themselves on national television and exposed the absolute worst aspects of their personality, which I don't know if they're blind to or if they're just happy to live with, that are then hyped up, exposed for four nights a week over like what feels like half the year for the whole nation. And then the nation sits upon them and then they have a mental breakdown

and then it's a whole thing of should we ever put them on the show. It seems like bullying that we orchestrated versus this person is worthless to us and nothing more than content. Hayley's watching every episode. So good. How good was last night? So last night,

we were promised an explosive dinner party, Vaughn. Yeah. We got it. Someone kissed another person's husband. Hayley, I don't care. Vaughn, Vaughn. They get paired up. They don't know each other.

They get paired up. Hayley, then two of them, from each couple they kissed. I know. Last then two of them, from each couple, they kissed. I know. Last night it all came out at the dinner table. Picking people who are emotional and mental time bombs. Yeah, they're getting abused. They're abusing each other.

And setting them on fire. They're televising abuse. Yeah, yeah. Gaslighting is apparently through the season on this. Through the roof on this season. I like watching the lips go when they talk because they've got so much filler in there. You are two episodes behind on The Last of Us, which is an incredible television show.

I've told you my plan. It remains the same. I have to finish maths, which I've done. I'm up to date so that I can finish Physical 100 so that I can get back to The Last of Us. That's the order I'm working in. I'm sorry. I'm just saying that there's better television and you should be prioritising. Oh, please know I know that.

Please know I know that. But at the end of a long, hard day and I've got, you know, my IBS flaring up and I don't have a toilet. Yeah. I just want to sit down and watch a little crap.

You want your brain to be in the same state as your bowel. As my gut. Full of shit. Yeah. So Ross Boss was like, well, are you touching on us? Because it's very popular with our target demographic

of 18 to 39-year-old females. That's right. That's me. And I, G, put this through the producers who brought it to us. Like, imagine trying to hand feed a lion a meatball. They're like, God, this isn't going to go well. Why do I have to feed it? Why do I have to do it?

Do you guys want to talk about maths a little bit more? No! So we decided to grant Ross his request and talk about maths every single time we talked and accompany it with what I like to call now the bell of malicious compliance. Probably see him cast in the next season of bloody Married at First Sight. Oh, I know.

More of a pest than Harrison. Am I right, Mavs fans? No, I got excited because the next one's MDMA, and it made me think of M-A-F-S. My favourite song. Now, if you're thinking of applying for the next season of Mavs, you're going to need some flirtation technique. If you're at work, don't be watching maths.

But they wouldn't match us together on maths. Mel, this isn't Mel from Married at First Sight, is it? No. What are you behind on, Courtney? Married at First Sight. That was, I think, five moments out of about 45. You can see the whole video on our social media. Where we maliciously

complied with our boss's instructions and did it every single time we talked on the radio. You can't say we're not yes people. We're yes people. We didn't just say no like we're going to for the 11.30 meeting today. Yeah. We said yes. Now we could maliciously

comply today for the afternoon meeting, couldn't we? How could we do that maliciously? What about if we got cardboard cutouts of ourselves? Yes. But there's a hole in our face and we put our phones in there. Yes. Or an iPad and then we zoom in. We zoom in.

From wherever we are respectively. We get mannequins. We get mannequins and iPad heads. Or actors that look like us. Yeah. Like stunt doubles. We zoom in. From wherever we are respectively. We get mannequins. We get mannequins and iPad heads. Or actors that look like us. Yeah. Like stunt doubles. That's true. And then we're maliciously complying with going.

What's Ben Barrington doing this afternoon? Well, that's what I was saying. We could say it's an interview for Shortland Street Storyline. Mel Bracewell, she's promoting a new show. She's in for me. Yeah, and Lord Voldemort. I don't know what he's up to, but we'll be. Wow.

Wow. Here we go. Very rude. Are you busy at the moment? Right. I'm talking HR after this. Speaking of things that you could watch instead of watching maths, which is absolute car crash television,

you should do yourself a favour of avoiding it altogether. Have you seen The Menu? No. I haven't, but I want to. Dude. I've heard it's so good. It's bananas. All right. It's a bananas movie.

I don't know if that's how people review movies for. How many bananas? Five bananas. Five bananas. Five. Five. Five bananas. Play.

ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Okay. Somebody else messaged in saying they agree that the menu is a bananas movie. A bananas? Five glued to your seat bananas. Okay. Out of five. Yeah, right, good.

Someone also messaged in to say how disappointed they am in me that I'm prioritising maths over Last of Us. That's fair. Phenomenal television. That's fair. You need your weekly fix of Daddy Pedro. You just need Married at at first sight, though. That's what you need at the moment.

At the moment. Speaking of hot sex, Jason Mamoa is in New Zealand. I know, she's disappointing me. I started off at 6 a.m. saying, she was not happy. How am I supposed to explain this to my kids? That's the medical term that you should easily be able to explain to your children. Indeed.

Now, he's in New Zealand and people keep spotting him and messaging me and I appreciate it. Please don't stop. I'm hot on the scent, you know. Yeah. Because your goal... I can feel our energies aligning.

Your goal would be to find out where he is and then accidentally be there at the same time to say hello? Here's my, like, dream. He meets someone, because I'm connected to the New Zealand film world. He meets someone and they invite him to a cool, casual house party. Yeah. Out west.

Yeah. And then I get invited to the same party, maybe via Aaron, who's worked in film sets before. I turn up. He's there. I say, Aaron, get lost. And then somehow I make my way into the conversation.

No, I don't. I just start having a cool conversation near him and he hears it and he's like, oh my God. This chick is so cool. He'd be like, I'm sorry, did you tell me that you play the piano and you like rock music? And I'd be like, yes. Sorry, have we met?

My name's Hayley. And I'm Jason. And then he's like, oh, my God, I feel a spirit with you. And I'm like, dude, I'm Maori. I love the Maori culture. And he'd be like, well, it's funny you say that because I'm actually 1% Hawaiian as well. Oh, my God, come with me. And he takes me into a room we might love.

That's just like, that's like how. At this house party, someone else's house. If you're not 18, you're not allowed to make love at somebody else's house party anymore. So sad. I mean, once you're over 25,

there should be no, there should be no lovemaking at a house party that is not exclusively your house. But wait, you can't go to your house because you've just sent your fiance home

and you're now using your pass card. I wouldn't want to make love in my marital bed, no. Yeah. I'd have to go back to his love in my marital bed. No. Yeah. I'd have to go back to his hotel, which I imagine would be quite nice. Yeah. Okay.

I reckon he's got a lush Airbnb because there was a video of him in a spa saying, thanks everybody for buying my vodka, which isn't available in New Zealand. I know. It's going well. And it had just had West Coast, New Zealand vibes. Yeah. And they do that for a lot of the movie stars and TV stars that are here for a while. They don't hotel them.

They get a really fancy rental. That's what he's doing. Now, someone emailed me the other day, a video of him, sorry, DM me the other day, a video of him on a motorcycle without his shirt on in Paedua. Probably getting a little... Wearing a helmet? No helmet. I reckon he's getting an LMP and doing some antiquing.

Great spot to stop for a little antiquing. I've seen a few gollywogs there, though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just don't make eye contact with them. Part of you is like I should buy them

so I can get rid of them but then putting them in the bin feels worse. It's just, it's really like what do we do? I'll eliminate racism by eliminating

the symbol that's the doll that's the I don't know. And then you look at them and the people running the antique store are begging you to say something about it.

Yeah. Bring it on. Anyway, and then I got a message yesterday from just Soph. Yeah. Saying, spotted. Jason Momoa buying towels at Westgate. XOXO Gossip Girl. Aye, a biggie of pardons, sir.

Westgate is my local shopping centre. I live in North West Auckland. Why is he having to buy his own towel? Why doesn't he have... Maybe he went to Briscoe's. Maybe he went to Bed Bath & Beyond. That's at Westgate. Maybe he went into the mall.

I go to their mall all the time. This is too close because I was there the day before. Yeah, right. I went to Briscoe's. You could look like trash. What? If you called in on the way home today because I was there the day before. Yeah, right. I went to Briscoe's. You could look like trash. What? If you called in on the way home today and he was there and you looked back, I mean. Sorry?

I don't know. Well, what did you describe this as today? This outfit? What did you describe it as? Gloria Vale sheep. Well, you're kind of like frumpy art teacher. Yeah. Because I'm not.

I'm not. It's clack. Because you're an art teacher and it hides the dyes and the stains. But the brown linen sack to the ankle is quite a lot. Yeah. This would not be a day that I would be pleased. To run into Jason Momoa. We didn't put this in the timesheet right because he's outside the door and he's coming

in. This is not what's happening right because I'm wearing a brown sack. Carl Fletcher don't do this to me. It's not. Okay good good good. Please welcome in. No. Anyway, so now why is he buying towels? Someone get the man some towels. He's wet.

He's in a spa so much. He's wet. He's in a spa so much. He needs to cool off. He's going through towels. I've got towels in my house. You don't have a shower, though. Yeah, it's a portable shower.

Do you think he's ever coming near you listening to yourself? I hope he doesn't hear any of this, to be honest. Just flicking through the radio of his rental? All I'm saying is, this week is busy, but as of next week, I've got some time on my hands. Just keep the messages coming. If you spot him, I need more like now, not like yesterday he was spotted at.

That's not helpful to me, Soph. That's not helpful to me. I need his here, now, get here. Where are you? Let's get a chopper. I'll pay for a chopper. Somebody did say they saw Jason Marmore at the baggage carousel when he first arrived in New Zealand

and he was tearing shreds off a teenage girl for taking repeated photos of him. He had already asked her not to and she just kept taking the photos. I wouldn't do that. It would be a private encounter. So maybe that's why people when they see him, I mean, to see him in person would be quite overwhelming. So maybe

it's later when they're reminiscing on the hunk of man that they think I should have told Hayley this. Yeah. No, you have to trust me that when the time comes, and it will. He's getting closer and closer to your house. I'm going to play it so cool. I'm going to play it so cool.

I'm going to play it so cool. Do you know you're clapping? Am I? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Okay, this comes from a Wikipedia page called The List of Unusual Deaths. Okay. Is this why you just yelled, oh my God? Yes. Because today's fact of the day is, as recently as 2021, a man was killed by a dinosaur.

A tuatara. Are they dinosaurs? Birds are all dinosaurs. They've been around since dinosaurs. Oh, but they're not dinosaurs. No. An alligator? It was kind of like a click-bait-y fact of the day headline.

Yeah. And are you now click-baiting us? You're audio-baiting us. I've audio-baited you. Wow. You're basically a tabloid newspaper. I'm sorry. What are you, a lab bible? So in 2021, the body of a 39-year-old man was found wedged inside the hind leg of a

papier-mâché statue of a stegosaurus. Okay, so it's a papier-mâché. Catalonia, Spain. Click bait. Technically, though, killed by a dinosaur. No, not technically. The opposite of technically. A representative for local police

has said that it was hypothesised that the individual may have died inside head, he dived, crawled inside head first to retrieve a lost mobile phone. Oh, okay. Before his leg became stuck, trapping him upside down inside the leg of the dinosaur.

He was there for a couple of days. Yeah, I remember this. They reported him missing hours before the discovery. It was discovered for a couple of days. Yeah. I remember this. They reported him missing hours before the discovery. It was discovered when a man and his son noticed an unusual smell coming from the statue. And then peeked through and saw the feet of a man upside down in a dinosaur statue. Did he not yell out? Did nobody hear? Well, that's what they say about being trapped up.

If he did it in the middle of the night, it sounds like a drunken escapade. Yeah, right. Inside a papamassier dinosaur. But they say if you go up, head down, it's like that caver that got trapped upside down and all the blood rushed to his head and he just passed out. I refuse to go caving. Never.

Never. No thanks. Never. It's a hard no. This is from a Wikipedia page called List of Unusual Deaths. And I could go back to a lot of these. Maybe even your birthdays. A lot of these would be, what are those Darwin Awards?

The Darwin's, yes. Silly ways to die. The way silly ways people have died. Okay, so the closest I can find to my birthday is the 4th of February, 1982. David Grundman died when he shot a cactus with his shotgun in Arizona

and was crushed when a 1.2 metre limb of said cactus detached and fell straight on him. Jeepers. How big was this cacti? Cactus.

Because cacti... Singular cactus. Oh, okay. So near your birthday, Fletch, Robin Williams, a worker at a Ford plant, became the first person known to be killed by a robot when the factory's robot arm struck him in the head. It took over. It got emotions.

It got upset with him. October 8th, 89. I was going to say, was it? Oh, I was just checking if it was that. Okay, March 99, an American criminal convicted of murder. I just want to check that there's nothing from. Check it. I just need a little bit of...

Okay, he was given a death sentence by electrocution and then it was reduced to life imprisonment. He died when he bit into wires while attempting to fix a broken television set at the same time as sitting on a metal toilet in his prison cell. So he got electrocuted in the end? He died, he was electrocuted,

put to death by electrocution anyway. There you go. So that's called A List of Unusual Deaths, if you want to read that Wikipedia page of all the criticism. And brighten up your day. The closer it gets to modern times, there's more, because obviously we can hear all about it more, because it's social media now.

So today's fact of the day is in 2021, a man was killed by a dinosaur. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. 38%. 38% of people have said that they would experiment with the idea of an open relationship. Straights? Straights. Because you know that figure would be a little different for... Let me see if they...

I think this is mostly... I mean, a lot of these things, they do just base their research on heterosexual relationships. So I'm going to assume so. Because it's a much more i was listening to a podcast on it the other day because i'm a very open-minded woman as you know yeah yeah um and it's it's a lot more okay and sort of accepted these days it wouldn't be you wouldn't just think oh my god shock horror and a lot of people you know like if they were having open relationships

they'd never share it with their families whereas Whereas nowadays, it's like they tell their parents, and like, this is my partner, and also this is my girlfriend. I imagine that's a lot for some parents to take in. Yeah. So I guess when I think about this, of course I have. 30% of gay men surveyed in a recent Australian wide, I'm being frantically Googling. You have.

30% of gay men are actively in non-monogamous relationships, which means open relationships, right? So 30%. And about 50% more are cheating? Is that what this is? Yeah. It does say. So you're saying that gays are less in the straights in this study?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because that's open to open relationships. It's very different to actively participating in a... Because they think they are. Yeah. Until their partner hooks up with someone hotter than them. Yeah. And they're not. Yeah, they're not. I would say I know one polyamorous couple.

Now that's like not just open with sexual activity, but also like maintaining multiple relationships. Right. And then everyone I know who is in an open relationship is a homosexual couple. Yeah. Okay. Why not?

Are you bringing this up because of the Jason Moller passcode? There's no... I mean, I was hoping for a break in the weather, but with all the sin... All the sin. Don't punish me because I'll be in the idea of sleeping with another man when I'm still with my fiancé Nope

I'm afraid I simply must I must send another Tropical cyclone your way No, please don't Because you've been causing The cyclone with all your Adult browsing Dude, if playing with yourself

And watching porn Causes cyclones Batten down the hatches Batten Down But it's a cycle, isn't it? The hatches It's a cycle

Because you're stuck inside With nothing to do You can't enjoy the summer So what are you going to do? You're going to pop on the bed and have a little. Yeah. Yeah. I never make that noise.

But to be clear. But. Yeah. And then. And then more rain. And more and more and more. And you need the fine weather. You need the fine weather to break the cycle.

So you can get outside and go play some soccer or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Burn off a bit of energy doing something else. Soccer causes the fine weather, doesn't it? Because we're not. Soccer Because we're not sinning. We're not playing with those balls instead of our own.

Yeah. Bingo. That'll be it. Damn it. Gosh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everybody. Yeah, I also need to own up and apologize as well.

Fletch, you want to say sorry? No, I don't need to apologize. You haven't been sinning? I haven't been sinning. Anybody apologize should know an apology. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. In the space of like three weeks, four weeks, say, my rinky-dink, my car,

has just taken a turn for the worse. Now, you all remember that I smashed the screen of my radio? Yes. We don't need to get into how that happened. What did you throw? What did you throw your handbag in the car? And the water bottle came flying out. Shattered it.

Now, your, yes, was it your B-Reel? You were in a car stereo shop. Yeah, I was. Like a real boy racer. Yeah. Because I was like, I need to go. I just can't because I'd be driving along listening to ZM or iHeart Radio. The only two things you listen to.

Yeah, and then it would like switch itself and it kept switching. If I was on FM, it would switch itself to AM because the screens all shatter and it's just freaking out. You're about to turn AM off. What? AM's going to get turned off. No one tell my dad. He'll be devastated. He loves listening to the cricket like he's listening in a

tin can through the strings. He does. Anyway, and then if I was listening to my Apple CarPlay via my phone, Siri would just keep coming up. Oh, right. It was so, I was like,

I'm done with this. So I went out to a car stereo place. They said, and I blessed them. I said, oh, give me that one. It was sort of the cheapest one.

And they were like, yeah, cool. Would you want us to chuck it in now? It took them an hour. I sat there for an hour. That's not chucking it in. That's an hour long appointment.

It's cheap. I've never chucked It took them an hour. I sat there for an hour. That's not chucking it in. That's an hour-long appointment. That's true. I've never chucked it in. That's not chucking it in. It's taking an hour. Jeepers creepers. I was like, I'll just take a seat and I was like,

this is going to be like, what, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, an hour. So is that fixed now? Yeah, it's got that but now the old one's just sitting on the well of the thing

and now there's the broken stereo in the front and there's the flare I found. That's still rattling around underneath. That's an expired flare that's going to go off any moment. And now my key doesn't work. Now, all this week,

I've been unable to open my car with my thing. The remote. So then you slide the thing and it slips a key out because I've got a keyless car. Slips a key out and you can open it. It's really nice. A keyless car in, when was this car? 2015. Wow.

She would have been one of the first. Keyless cars have been around for quite some time. She would have been one of the first. And then you open it manually like this. Like, take me back to uni days. You open the door and the alarm will go off immediately like it's been broken into. And then you have to keep pushing

start on the butt at the start. I've got a push start button thing. At like four o'clock in the morning? Yeah. Sorry neighbours. As if the Renault all day wasn't loud enough at four o'clock in the morning. You have the car alarm every single morning this week. Well get a battery for your key. Is that the problem? I've done that. I've fixed it. I've done that.

So that's not working and then you get in and usually once you've turned off the alarm, you can start the car by push and go. This morning, yesterday I thought, I just won't lock the car. Heads up. If you're in my area, you can probably figure out where I live.

Come grab it. It's not locked. Probably figure out where I live indeed. And then yesterday I said, I won't lock it. I'll just leave it there so I can get in the morning, push start and go.

Get in in the morning, push start, no key detected at all, even though I've got the key, so it won't start. So then I had to get out, lock it manually, open it manually, alarm, push the button, still wasn't going. I had to do that numerous times until it started. How long does the alarm go off for? Like a good 60 seconds. At 4 a.m.?

Yeah, dude. Could you take the ute? But my rinky dinks in front of the ute It's parked in Up the driveway Yeah right I'm going to park it in a fricking ravine I'm done with it

So anyway Please join me on my campaign To get Audi to gift me an Audi I don't know if that's happening Please Audi please I did it I emceed's happening. Please, Audi, please. I did it. I emceed your event last week and it was really funny.

Please. I mean, you mentioned it quite a bit after that and they still didn't give you anything. All I'm saying is their current ambassadors all have an air of Audi elegance and maybe a bit of money. I think I would bring a cool, young, poor vibe to it. You know what I mean?

A cool hit. You know that one where someone who definitely can't afford it buys an Audi and then can't afford to have it fixed when it's constantly breaking down because European cars are so expensive to get serviced and parts for. That's the energy I could bring. That's the energy you could bring. Bring those people into their market.

Yeah, because there's enough people driving around representing Volkswagen in that market. Maybe it's time Audi opened themselves up to that. Maybe it is time, Vaughan. Yeah. Well, good luck with that.

Hayley Sproul, Audi Ambassador 2023. Oh, another one in the bag. And it's a Versace bag as well. If you enjoyed that, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell your mates. You don't sound sincere there, Vaughan.

I'm just reading what's written here. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.