ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 2nd November 2022

Episode Date: November 1, 2022

Executive Producer Anna's Last Day! Cat Poop  Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Melbourne Cup  FOMO  Anna's Living Funeral!Hayleys Version!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, great barista made coffee on the go. We're going to do things a little bit differently today on the podcast. We're going to come back at the end of the podcast with a special goodbye for producer Anna. I thought you, when you said we're going to do things a little bit different,

I thought you were finally going to do that, the entire podcast in an accent. Oh, no. He's been working on his accents. I have been working on my character work. Yeah, you've been doing a lot of character work, focusing a lot on people of different ethnicities and races to you.

Give us some of your Saudi. Go on. Go on. Go on. Tiptoe. Don't be shy. You put so much work into it. Do that Vietnamese shop owner that you love doing that character. I do.

This is lies. I don't do those. You're like the Turkish camel keeper. Yeah. He was good. He was good. Why are you so shy now? Is the Turkish camel keeper the guy with the lisp?

It is, yeah. The character with the lisp. Yeah, that's correct. He always says, how many camels the lisp? It is, yeah. The character with the lisp. Yeah, that's correct. He always says, how many camels? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, don't get shy now. You've been putting so much work into it.

It's for later. It's definitely for later. Today on the podcast, we have a live funeral for producer Anna. So once we've done that and the podcast wraps up, we will be coming back to farewell for our podcast listeners, producer Anna. And Fletch will be doing his Pakistani barber. Oh, my God.

It's a great character. It's some of his finest work. It's so funny. It's so good. It's really good. Stay tuned. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Hello.

Good morning and welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. What are you doing? No, you weren't here. Where were you? Where is the kitchen? Where did you go? To do what?

I had a drink of water. Oh, musky eyes. I literally sat down and you said, hello, good morning, that's my line. No, I know, but you weren't there. With five seconds to go until we were live, you were nowhere to be seen. Guys, my commute time while I'm

working from home is literally four seconds. Oh God, that's gorgeous. It worries me. Yeah, it's a good life. Well, it's not really. You're stuck inside watching the world go by. I know, and you don't even have any symptoms. I know, that's what's so annoying. But anyway, guys, enough about that.

It's a sad day today. It's Producer Anna's last day on the show. I know. Can we cross over to producer Anna and just touch on with how she's feeling at the top of the show? It's really weird. It's really weird. You just did your last sort of planning meeting. Why are you leaving on a Wednesday?

What person leaves on a Wednesday? You leave on a Friday. I'm sorry. As a good Catholic girl, you should have followed in the steps of Jesus and left on a Friday. I need to return on a Sunday. I've got to move next Wednesday, and I thought I'd need a week to get everything sorted, got my life sorted.

You've already moved. You just moved. You moved to your parents' place. I wouldn't have even taken it out of the suitcase. So what I will not miss is the constant advice on everything ever. Thank you so much for the last time, though. Really appreciate the feedback. Can I say your hair's looking great?

She's done her hair for the day. She washed it. No, no, she got it coloured. I went left field with a choice before my last day and I regret it. You like curtain bangs. Yeah, but I've kind of pushed them to the side. Well, you'd not. Curtain bangs?

Kind of like long bangs that kind of hang on the side. We had a different name for those in the 90s long bangs that kind of hang on the side. Give us a look. We had a different name for those in the 90s. He's like drapes on my face. It's supposed to be like a Farrah Fawcett sort of a vibe. Are you trying to go for a new sort of a more mature look? I'm trying to look hot, Vaughn. Right.

Like a hot B-word. You're moving to Sydney. You're moving to Sydney. You've got to keep it hot. What is your boob job booked in for? A Thursday. Nice. And the lips, when are you getting those done?

Friday. Great. Oh, you're really packing it in. That's why she's taking that. That's why she's leaving midweek, you see. I don't want to tell everyone, but there it is. All the boosters are filled as well. We're going to have a good show with you.

Good last show. Oh, okay. And then we're going to miss you deeply. Thank you. I will feel it deep within me. That did not sound convincing. It did not sound, no, it didn't sound convincing at all, Hayley. That's what she was saying before about that photo you sent her,

about that guy from White Lotus. Jesus. Of Nazareth. Wow, the first season of White Lotus is out and there's a tripod in it. The first episode of the second season, yeah. Yeah. Yep. It's a massive wang.

No one say anything. I mean, I know that there's a wang in it now. No one say anything because I haven't had the chance to watch it. Can I say it's huge? Yeah, Fletcher's already sent it to me. Apparently it's huge. What do you mean? I've sent it to you.

Okay. It's on the internet. No. Yeah, but I didn't know that. And then you've sent it to me twice saying not suitable for work. Wrap your eyes around this one. That's what he said. I'm just, yeah, okay.

No, sorry, he said take a deep breath and wrap your eyes around this one. That's what he said. Jesus Christ. Well, coming up on the show today, the top six. Yeah, there was a race yesterday in Melbourne and it wasn't with the judges.

It was growing adults wearing inflatable T-Rex costumes having a race. God, I love that. It was a great costume. It was the better race. It was the better race. So I've got the top six sorts of races we could have in Melbourne to replace the Melbourne Cup.

Right, yeah, because, I mean, every year it just kind of gets, the outcry gets louder, doesn't it? I didn't watch, I didn't see anything about it. Did they brutally murder any horses under a tent in the middle of the field? I think it was like 21. Yeah, 21. I think 21 horses were murdered. A record 21.

Yeah, it's good fun, though. Good Lord. All right, coming up on the show as well, our silly little poll. Do you fill the jug to the top when you boil the jug, or do you just go to the minimum line because that's all you need for your coffees? God, we're doing some hard-hitting journalism, eh? It's good to give the people what they need to know. Yeah, it's the important topics.

Yeah. Yeah, next on the show, though. An Auckland cat rescue has launched a new initiative to get back at your ex. I don't know how they're going to facilitate this, but it's happening. Apparently it's kitten season. It seems to always be kitten season. So the time where they, like, rescue places,

SPCA and all your individual rescue places have an absolute kitten boom. And they say it's getting earlier and lasting longer. So it starts in around October and now it can go as late as June where they're just like inundated. Cute. I know, I know, but it's a problem. It's sad, yeah, cute but sad.

Well, I've got a good story here from a rescue place called Gutter Kitties that I'm looking up because I call my cat a plastic bag cat because he was chucked on the doorstep of a rescue place in a plastic bag. Yeah, I rescued my cat as well. From? A breeder. Yeah, you're such a hero. A horrible breeder. I had to pay her a lot of money to free this cat. Oh,

what? Honestly, that is just beautiful. It's more like a kidnapping situation. Like a hostage. She'd kidnap the kiddos. She'd get the hostage. In a cage. Get the hostage. Yeah, paid the money and got him for myself.

Oh, my God. How much did you pay? I don't want to talk about it. I think yours had another zero on it. So Gutter Kitties is an organisation and their policy is zero kill. Because some places, and it's not, you know, their fault, so to speak. Yeah, they inject the ugly ones, don't they? They get rid of the manky kittens, the absolute fuggos.

But no, Gutter Kitties is a zero kill rescue place. But because of kitten season being longer and more full on every year, they just like can't keep up with all of these costs to look after the cats. So they have a new initiative to encourage people to donate for the cost of $10 or three for 20. That's a bargain. Yeah. That's buy two, get one free.

Three for $20 cats. No, no, no. No, no, no. $10. $7.33 a cat. That's not bad. No, no, no. Not for cats.

You're not getting cats. You're donating. And what they do is they will get a kitty litter tray liner and on it they will print the name of whomever you want to crap on and then they let the cats crap all over the name. I'll say okay. So like an ex? Yeah, so you could give one name for $10

or three names for $20. They'll print it onto a thing. They'll send you a photo and a video of these cats crapping on your ex's name, your old boss, whatever you want it to be. I love this idea. You just watch cats poop on the name.

I came to the realisation yesterday that if I didn't have a family, I wouldn't have any inside pets. Wouldn't you? I wouldn't have a single. There wouldn't be a dog. There wouldn't be a cat. I just wouldn't. Why not?

They always want something. Hungry. Yeah, food or pets. Yeah. Yeah, no, I wouldn't have them. Not inside. I like my pets out in a paddock. But if you don't have a family, you need some company.

Nah, I don't think I do. You'd probably sleep out with the cows if you were single. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I'd probably pop a tent in the paddock and sleep out there. Nah, I'd get sick of that too. I just like, yeah, nah, not for me. Insides. Okay.

Inside animals. We didn't grow up with inside animals really. Like the cats were allowed in sometimes, but the cats spent most of their time outside. Right. There was enough chaos in my house growing up. Yeah. Without pets.

And then yesterday it was like feeding time and the dogs were all like, what about me? And the cats like, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. I'm just like, oh, I'd get rid of it all. Wow. Well, I mean, if you can help out, it's that time of the year, isn't it? This happens every year. It truly is.

There's so many places. I got my cat from Kitten in Wellington. This is Gutter Kitties. There's the classic SPCA. Look up your local rescue place. Or if you want to witness a cat poop on someone's name, gutterkitties.co.nz and you can buy one. Awesome.

I'm going to do it to, I'm going to do a three for 20. You've got that many X's? I'm going Vaughan. Why? Oh, wow, okay. I'm going Fletch. Wow. And I'm going to go Anna because it's her last day. It's her last day, yeah. I'm going Fletch. Wow. And I'm going to go Anna because it's her last day.

It's her last day, yeah. It's her last day. I'm going to poop on your name. All right. It's 15 past six, otherwise known as quarter past six. Next on the show. 15 past six. Wake up, old man.

I did hear someone the other day say it's 45 past the hour. And they were working on ZM. Ooh, who was it? Name and shame. I'm not going to say. I'm not going to say. I'm not going to say. Well, only if people say the time. No, was it Clint or was it Georgia?

Was it Cam? No, it was somebody at the weekends. It was a weekend. It was a weekend person and they said it's like 37 past the hour. I'm not going to say names. I'm not saying names. Oh, I'll find the roster. I'll find out.

We're not naming and shaming, all right? Next on the show, I want to talk about a new hotline that is up and rolling and something that I think is excellent. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. So I know this was an idea that was floated a while ago and we chatted about it. It's basically an abortion hotline. So, but I don't think

that it had started. And now it has. It's a service called Decide that was introduced by the Ministry of Health in three phases. First it was like information, follow-up care, and counselling. And then you can, and now you can basically ring up and

get all of the information you need and all of the advice that you want and then all of the kind of how-tos if you are needing or wanting an abortion just by calling a hotline. You'll have to absolutely, excuse my ignorance, but what was the situation before? Was it doctor's appointments?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I mean, from memory, I've never had an abortion, and I'll admit that. But from what I know, you had to go have a doctor's appointment, and then you had to do like two psych evaluations. There was counselling, wasn't there? Counselling? Yeah, I had a friend that went through that,

and, yeah, there were hoops to jump through. Real hoops to jump through. Real hoops to jump through. And I think you had to do two of them. And one of them was like the counselling was all around, are you making the right decision? Which is, I think, where the problem lied. It was like, it's actually not any of your business. You know, if I want to do this, I can do this. But I guess they were trying to frame it as like making sure that afterwards you'd be okay

or that you were making the decision for the right reasons as opposed to maybe you were being forced into it or something like that. Right. Okay. Okay. But now they're just trying to make it more accessible. And like I guess the kind of facelessness maybe of a phone line would be more approachable for some people that maybe are too embarrassed

to go to their personal doctor. Yeah. You don't have to look someone in the eye, do you? No, exactly. Especially if there's still that stigma around it, the shame of it built up around it. So having to not look at someone in the eye as you talk about it. Yeah.

Well, there's like horror stories from people who are, I mean, America, right? We're just going to hear more and more and more about people taking great lengths to, you know, not follow through with a pregnancy they don't want or can't have. Yeah, I was just thinking that, like in America, like it's going the absolute opposite way. Yeah, for sure. In this hotline, like it's crazy what's happening in America. I know, I'm so glad that we live in this country. And also, one thing that I didn't think about is like, you know, I live in Auckland. If I ever found myself in this situation, it's pretty straightforward where I could go. I could go to my doctor. I could

go to a sexual health clinic. I could go to the hospital. But for people that live like rurally, or they don't have a sexual health clinic, you know, in their area, they might not have access to that information very readily. So by having, they called it, you know, like a postcode lottery, like it's accessible to you if you live in a major city or you have the means to get there. But if you don't, this is a great way so you can call up and, you know,

use a more flexible service and get the information you need and they can assist you in going through with the process if you need to. And even, you know, because I don't even know if they've removed this in America, but, you know, like early stage, you can just take a pill. You don't have to go through a medical procedure. So they can, like if you called this hotline and you were within that window, they'll just send it to your local pharmacy and have to go through a medical procedure. So they can like if you called this hotline and you were within that window, they'll just send it to your local pharmacy and you can go and pick it up. Do you know what I mean? That's so accessible.

Yeah, much better. As opposed to having to sit down with someone, go through two psych evaluations which I'm sure when you're in that stage and you're having an unwanted pregnancy you don't want to be going through that either. I don't even know what the be going through that either. Yeah, no. I don't even know what the number is.

Hang on. This is terrible. So they should share it. Have they come up with like, you know, a catchy... Or a pizza hut. A phrase. Yeah, like a phrase or something. It's probably a bit inappropriate, isn't it? Decide.

But you want your hotline number to have a memorable... Yeah, to be memorable. Yeah. Oh, that makes sense. It's just 0800 DECIDE, D-E-C-I-D-E. DECIDE. And you can speak to a trained health professional if you are considering or thinking or want to know

or need anything to do around abortions. 0800 DECIDE. I think it's great. I think it's absolutely amazing. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. When boiling water in the jug, do you fill the jug to the top or just to the minimum of what you'll need? Minimum. Always the minimum line.

And sometimes, you know, this is how crazy I live life. I'll go a couple of millimetres below the minimum line. Are you talking the factory recommended minimum? Yeah. I'll do it. This is, I'm wild, guys. You're a freak of nature, man. I know.

What are you up to? And do you know what? My kettle still works. You've got a fancy kettle too. It's big jug. Yeah, it is a big jug. They like to tell you how to live your life. It's big breville, is it?

Big camber? It's big breville. Yep, they say fill it to here. Big zip. I always put like a litre in, I think it's about a litre I aim for. But what are you using the hot water for? A cup of coffee.

A couple of cups of coffee. You don't need that much. A cup for myself, a cup for my wife, that's half. And then I always pour down the plug hole just to make sure there's no fatty buildup in the plug. Oh, yeah. So you're wasting every time you make a coffee. Say you're making coffee

for yourself. You're wasting an entire jug of water. Nah. Minus your cup of coffee. You're not wasting. He's using it for various means.

You're tipping it down the sink. The planet is dying. Clear the fog. Pouring boiling water down the sink is the least planet crime that's what's been causing the hole in the ozone layer this whole time well that's the sense i suppose it would melt the uh melt the ice wouldn't if you were pouring water in the drain yeah you use more energy to boil the water therefore there's drain on natural resources and then you're tipping that

water literally down the sink you're an absolute pig pig. No, because I heat my water with a tyre fire. Oh, okay. Oh, that's okay then. That's fine. I've got secondhand tyres. I've got that fire that I burn. That's right. Hey, actually, I've got some building materials.

Are you all right if I pop by this afternoon and chuck them on the fire? Only if it's treated and tantalised. Oh, absolutely it is. Beautiful. Yeah, that burns a little bit hotter. It's only a little bit. Good. I'll bring my batteries around.

You can burn those. Yeah, why don't you have those burned? Small batteries. Quite controversially, we've gotten rid of the jug. We've gotten rid of the jug. What do you use? You're like an American household. They don't have jugs.

What do they do? Boil a pot. I don't know what they do. Don't they put their pot on the stove? Americans love the whistling kettle on the gas stove. No, we got rid of ours because it was junk. It was embarrassing.

And then we realised we didn't use it because we've got a coffee machine, which makes its own hot water. Oh, must be nice. It is bloody nice, tell you what. Welcome to the other half. And, I mean, Aaron has a coffee, but he makes it with a coffee machine that makes the water. And I don't really have hot drinks.

So if you ever, like the other day, I had a cup of soup. I had like a cup of noodle soup. How good was that? And I just used the hot water from it. Well, you just sort of reconnect with the everyday man. I just wanted to remember what it was like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

Wait, so you put on the coffee maker to make hot water and then put your thing of noodles under it? Yeah, and it just goes like, like, piddles out. Piddles out. Wow. Okay. Yeah. So it comes from a reservoir in the coffee machine and it heats it up. Gotcha. I had to get rid of that because remember I told you guys that I ruined our

jug because I kept reusing the hottie water when we had hottie water. I know. And then I would like pour it back into the jug and reheat it and then pour it back into the hottie and like pour it back into the jug and reheat it and then pour it back into the hottie and then pour it back into the jug. No. Meanwhile, this is before we had the coffee machine

and Aaron was making coffees from this jug water full of rubber. Taste of that rubber. You probably gave him some kind of cancer down the line. Yeah, he like found bits of rubber and was like, why is there rubber in here? And I was like, oh. He's got micro rubbers. Yeah, he does.

Like micro plastics. Yeah. It's a bouncier. 46% got micro rubbers. Yeah, he does. Like microplastics. Yeah. 46% of people will fill the jug to the top. 54% to the minimum line. Minimum required. Christine said somewhere in the middle. So that's important. Thank you, Christine, for saying you don't adhere to

one of the two options we've given you. Neither, says Angela. Fill it at about a third to a half. Enough so I get two, maybe three cups, but not so much that it takes ages to boil. Jodie, neither. I put in what I need. It's inefficient to boil a jug for two to three cups.

It's faster if you only put in what you needed. She's a woman who thrives in efficiency. Yeah. And I have this weird thought process that if I don't fill it up and there's some sort of natural disaster, I'll think to myself, I'll regret it. So I always fill it up and boil it.

Yeah, good call. What about people that boil it once in the morning and then pour it like one full jug in the morning and then pour it into a thermos beside the jug so they don't need to boil the jug again all day? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I like that. I like that. I like that.

Yeah. That's because I heard about someone doing it, and I raised it once at, have you been paying attention, and Pax was like, yeah, we do that. And Ursula was like, yeah, that's what you'd do in South Africa growing up because the power could go out at any minute. Yeah. And you didn't know when you'd be able to boil your jug again.

How lucky we were growing up, and we didn't even know. Nah, flicking it on. My mum, I do it as well. I'll go and boil the jug and then forget about it and come back like a couple of minutes later and just flick it down

for another repeat boil. Oh, my jug has a keep boiled or keep hot button. What a pig, honestly. Yeah, this guy. This guy. Ruining the world.

Becoming less and less relatable with every day. Tony, I filled it up to the top once and it boiled over and blew up the jug so now I only do it minimum. Tony, I filled it up to the top once and it boiled over and blew up the jug. So now I only do it minimum. Oh, you never go over the maximum line.

Pops out the spout. Pops out the spout. Why boil more water than you need? I'm a busy girl. I don't have time to wait for the water that I don't need to boil. Yeah, I'm a busy girl, so I get that. Samantha, I'm the only one in the house who has hot drinks, but I also live off coffee.

Top for me because, God forbid, I have to fill the jug more than once a day. So there she goes. She's multiple. Yeah. She's multiply doing it. Multiply? Multiply doing it. You've got it multiply doing it. Yeah, multiply. That's the word I was getting after. Definitely after. Silly little poem. Play ZM's

Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Not so fun for one of our, I'd say, our country's most famous bakers, the caker. Alison Hoss. Oh. She's good too. She's great. But more of a modern take. Young Jordan Rondell, who, of course, was a new judge on this season of The Great Kiwi Bake Off.

I know her well. She's a dear friend. And she is very famous for her cake kits. You would have eaten one. You would have seen one before. They're like very cool. Cool's a word. Like John Rondell is cool.

If we're talking about box cakes, you can't go past an Edmonds. No. What are those ones? The classic chocolate cake in a box at the supermarket. Betty Crocker. Betty Crocker does a ripper one as well, and you just put an egg and some butter on it.

And they're all rubbish. They're rubbish, though, right? Shut your mouth. They're absolutely fine. It's literally just everything you would make a cake of without the egg and stuff. But this is the thing, right? We say it's absolutely fine.

Those boxes are absolutely fine. The cake kits are like amazing. Lemon, strawberry, poppy seed. Too much. I don't want poppy seeds. Cherry cake kit. Flourless. They're so good.

It's too bougie. I just like, give me a microwave chocolate. They are bougie. Give me a microwave chocolate cake. And they're like, they're so ready to use. This is a free bloody promo, isn't it, for my mate? But one thing that you would have maybe seen a few months ago is our very own caker, Jordan Rondell,

did a collab with Chrissy Teigen, right? The Chrissy Teigen. The Chrissy Teigen. The Scandal Queen Chrissy Teigen. Well, no, there's only one Scandal Queenie. Yeah, it's JJ Feeney Scandal Queenie. Oh, Chrissy Teigie Scandal Queegie? Queegie?

I'm not sure. Let's call her Chrissy Teigen Scandal Que Queenie. Yeah, it's JJ Feeney, Scandal Queenie. Oh, Chrissy Teigen, Scandal Queegie? Queegie? I'm not sure. Let's call her Chrissy Teigen, Scandal Queegie. Chrissy Teigen, Scandal Regan. Scandal Queegan. Sure. So they did a collab, and then yesterday it was all coming out because Jordan shared on her Instagram, on the caker, so this is happening.

Chrissy Teigen has released her own line of elevated cake mixes. What is elevated, man? That sounds like some well-being BS, doesn't it? No, it's elevated as in, like, it's not a Betty Crocker. It's a... No, it's bougie. A poppy seed matcha berry. Why have they got a tall poppy Betty Crocker?

Why have we got a tall poppy Edmonds, you know? Oh, I'm not on board. Yeah. So... How much do these boxes of cakes cost? Oh, I don't know. I get mine gifted because we're friends. Let me have a look.

Let me have a look. They're going to be more than an Edmunds, aren't they? Absolutely, but they taste better than an Edmunds. This is not patriotic at all. The side by side, $30, right. $30? I'll buy a cakeside $30, right. $30? I'll buy a cake for $30. Then I don't have to do anything.

But the side-by-side, the Chrissy Teigen and the KK cake, they look like it's a rip-off, isn't it? It's a straight-up rip-off. She hasn't even tried to make them different. I know. I'm not just aligning with my mate, Jordan Rondell, from The Great Kiwi Bake Off. Right. She, like, this is Jordan's thing.

Like, this is the cakest thing. And she's very well known, not only in New Zealand, but throughout America as well, because she went to America and launched these cake kits, and they just went crazy. Hence why Chrissy Teigen wanted to work with her and do this collab, probably. And now she's just done this straight up,

as people are calling it, pathetic and unoriginal rip-off. And she's Chrissy Teigen. She's got a huge following. The thing is like, this is just like the caker is run by two sisters from New Zealand. Where's the other Rondell? She keeps

her head down. Yeah, yeah. She lives in LA with Jordan. Oh, right. They're like, they're twins, but they're not twins, you know. Right. And yeah, so now, exactly. Like Chrissy Teigen's got all this money in the world. Very famous husband. She's very famous herself as a model and a social media

person. And now she's gone and just kind of ripped off these kits from our very own humble Kiwi Caker. But then could you say that the Caker ripped off these kits from our very own humble Kiwi Caker. But then could you say that the Caker ripped off the cake in a box? The OG. No, but the whole thing is like one, the whole thing is that they're like bougie cakes. That's what she means by elevated cake kits.

If you want to make a bloody Edmunds chocolate cake and you just want to add some eggs and that's it. No, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. Let's watch our tone, please. I'm just saying, like, the caker has made cakes fashionable again. For $6.20, you can buy a big box of double chocolate fudge brownies in an Edmunds box. Yeah, but does it come with gold leaf to decorate it with?

I don't need gold leaf. I'm eating it. Yeah, but if you, let's say it's Sade's birthday, and you were like, The nicest thing I could do Is make her a cake Well you know But sometimes She needs to be reminded

Of her roots She's getting carried away With herself And her Anine Bing tops And her But a woman in an Anine Bing hoodie Cannot eat an Edmunds $6 cake I'm sorry

She has to Because there's no money left For bloody cakes I'm sorry You can spend it all On Anine Bing She spent it all On a stupid hoodie

She needs the Banana cinnamon cake kit from the caker or the coconut raspberry lime leaf cake kit. I actually got some bananas in the freezer that I've been meaning to do something with. There you go. Matcha cherry, spiced carrot. Actually, Chrissy Teigen's got a cake mix that's quite good.

No, don't support it. She's tearing down a locally run family business. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the yummy ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Today's top six, the top six types of races they could have in Melbourne Cup to replace the horsies that do the races.

Yes. We could all do bets on these six as well. If it's the gambling you like, there's nothing to stop you tuning up to these events in high fashion if the fashion's what you like. It doesn't need to be horses, does it? It could be anything. Now, earlier this morning when we talked about this, I said 21 horses died.

The Melbourne Cup yesterday. No, you fell for it. That was Fletcher's joke in the group chat. Yeah. Because there'd been 21 scratchings throughout the day or something due to the weather and the soft track. So don't worry. It was clickbait.

It was fake news, Hayley. Just a mere six horses were taken out back and shot yesterday. So don't worry at all. Was there six? Yeah. What? Jesus. Yeah.

It's so bad, eh? It is. It's so bad, eh? It is. It's just... It's not good. Imagine... I laugh because I don't know what else to do. Imagine if there was any other day where six animals out of however many

just needed to be... Well, imagine... ...for cruelty. Imagine at the Auckland Marathon at the weekend if they took six 50-year-old accountants out the back and shot them because they pulled up lame. Yeah. Yeah.

It'd be outrage. He's not going to run another marathon. Yeah, and if you extrapolate the numbers from how many horses are involved in that day to how many run in the marathon, it would have been significantly more than six. Yeah. Bloody greenies.

Bloody left-o-loonies. They're backing on about horses. Now, top six types of races to replace the horses at the Melbourne Cup. Number six on the list, snails. More exciting. Yes. Because we know that horses are fast. Snails.

I don't want to ruin the rest of your list, but you know when you're in Fiji, do you have that one? No, I don't. I don't. No, no, of your list, but you know when you're in Fiji, do you have that one? No, I don't. I don't. No, no, no. Crave racing. Pervit crave racing. Crave racing.

Yeah. So you're wanting an element of surprise, as in like, I didn't know they raced. Well, no, no, no. I don't want that. I just want it to take longer and you can go away and come back and check in. It's not really about the racing it is.

It's about getting on the bloody chop and putting on a frock, isn't it? Number five on the list of the top six types of races to replace horse racing at the Melbourne Cup. Hot air balloon racing. It's been a while. I used to do a bit of this. Did you? No, not me.

I said that. I was like, I do not remember this. Yeah, you know me. Get up in the jet stream. Yeah, I know me. Get up under the jet stream. Yeah, I know you've been to balloons over the Waikato. Oh, I love it. It's beautiful. Yeah, gorgeous.

Beautiful. And I tell you what, if you get a strong wind, that's going to make for an exciting balloon racing day. Yeah. Because we're not putting this off. We're not waiting until the winds are down. Number four on the list of the top six types of races to replace the horse racing at the Melbourne Cup,

downhill soapbox derby race I love when someone turns up with a homemade cart and they scream you down the hill and the wheel comes off and then it flips and it's chaos Yeah It's like the part of Cool Runnings when the Jamaican bobsled team flip and you're all like But they're okay

They're alright Number three on the list of the top six types of races to replace the horses at the Melbourne Cup. What about a race for the ladies for the last Prosecco, but you have to be wearing high heels? Oh, my God. Bring it on. Yeah, you would certainly see a few lame dames there.

Yeah, you would. The twisted ankle on the uneven ground. Am I allowed to enter? I love Prosecco. You know I love Prosecco. Oh, he does. It's going to be hard finding a big high heel that fits your hoof is all. Yeah, those long toes of his.

You need to tuck those into a pair of heels. They'd probably be handy. They could grab onto the front of the heels. You know, so I've been wearing my new Birkenstocks and my toes just pop. The toes just pop a little bit over the edge of the Birkenstocks. Over the tip. Yeah, it's so disgusting. Because it's got the groove right where the ball of your foot is supposed to go, but then your toes little bit over the edge of the murky. Over the tip. Yeah, it's so disgusting. Because it's got the groove, right,

where the ball of your foot's supposed to go, but then your toes would hook over the edge. Hold on for a little extra grip. That works. Number two on the list of the top six types of races to replace the horse racing at Melbourne Cup, humans rolling down a hill race. You get so dizzy doing that.

Forward roll or side roll? No, sidewards. Sidewards roll. And the hardest part is staying straight. Because when you get a bit older, like when you're a kid, it's easy. But when you're an adult, you're a bit more, maybe a bit more top heavy. Yeah. And you start dragging around.

Then you're not even going downhill anymore. And number one on the list of the top six types of races, the wheelie been raced down the driveway to get there before the rubber struck drives past when you hear it going one way up the road. Oh, my God. And you went out the night before and you're like... And you're running, you're carrying this recycling bin and wheelie bin, Dania, and the smell of it and the ching, ching, ching of the bottles.

The smell of it. You're not wearing a bra. They're be doinking along as you're going down the driveway. Smack in the face with your own tatty. Ow. Oh, I hate this. I mean, it's the ultimate race. It's the ultimate race.

That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, names like Zinky and Blopty and Karuba and, you know. Karuba. Florentine and. Having an aneurysm. Bloppy, bleep, bloop. Well, you know, I just mean like quirky baby names.

So there's your classics that have been making the rise, right? Oliver Charlotte. Now, let's not forget, I love a baby name list. You do. You do. What was my... Boom Kweefa. Boom Kweefa.

Now, Boom Kweefa. Yeah. Justice for Boom Kweefa was served, and I'm back with more baby name news. So names on the rise at the moment, Pixie, Loxley, that's what I was trying to say, Kenny and Albert. Kenny?

Kenny and Albert? Kenny? As in K-E-N-N-I-E. Like, oh my god, we killed Kenny. Yeah. Oh my god. Is that a more feminine Kenny? Yeah, it could be. K-E-N-N-I-E. Like K-E-N-N-Y. And Albert with an E. E-L-B-E-R-T. Like K-E-N-N-Y. And Albert with an E.

E-L-B-E-R-T. So names like that are on the rise, right? But there are a huge list of names that are absolutely going extinct, such as Deborah. Oh, you don't know any young Debra's. I know a Deborah in her late 30s. That would probably be my youngest Deborah. Yeah, I reckon you're not going to find too many younger Debbie.

What about Debbie's? Debs? Nah, same thing, I reckon. I know a couple of Debbie's. Carolyn. She's going out. Right. Carolyn.

And do you know any young Carolines? None under 40. I know a lot of Carolines, but none, you know, that are very, very young. Neville and Walt. Meryl's also working its way out, as is Everly and Zachary. I knew a lot of Zachs in the 90s. Yeah, a lot of Zachs. A lot of Zachs.

I feel like that name hasn't really died off, though, has it? No, exactly. Now, I wanted to know if we can find, before these names go extinct, the youngest people with these names. So maybe we'll choose a generic boy's name and a generic girl's name from the list. Yeah.

I think Carolyn's a good one. Carolyn? Carolyn and Greg. Like, is there a Carolyn listening who's under 30? Yeah, if you think that you may be. In their 20s. You may be New Zealand's youngest Carolyn or youngest Greg. Yeah.

We want to know. Yeah, there aren't any young Gregs. Surely not. What if people could just report themselves as being what they believe to be the youngest of one of these names? Like, say there is a Martha listening. Yeah, or a Gladys out there. A Meryl. Gladys is 21st this weekend. She could be like, I'm Gladys, I'm 21.

What? I've got a friend. What's their kid's name? It's not Bob, but it's something like that. Like an old mate's name? Yeah, an old mate's name. Really? Would you reckon there'd be many Tims?

Baby Tim? Yeah. Yeah, there'd still be Tims. There'd still be some Tims. But there wouldn't be any Kevins and Keiths. Keiths. No, I thought baby Keith was popping in. This is who.

It's Matt Heath's son, Barry. Yeah, named after his dad. Yeah. And I always love it because I know Barry's mother. And when she told me about her son's name and she was like, yeah, that's my son Barry, I was like, I love that. Barry's. Little Barry.

Barry went so far into being an old mate's name, it's actually kind of cute for her. Yeah, now it's cool for a young man. But yeah, if you think, you hit it, Fletcher, you got it. Well, yeah, if you're listening and you've got an old mate or an old lady's name, we want to hear from you this morning. And you think you might be the youngest person who has it. Give us a call, Gladys or Meryl or Beryl or Keith or...

Couple of reports of Caroline's. How young? How young? I'll tell you next. All right. You tease. 0800 dials at Amazon number. You can text as well, 9696.

Give us a call. Do you have an old name, but you yourself are not old? We're talking about names that are on the decline. Yeah, and we want to know if you are a young person with those kind of names that are on the decline, like your Debras, your Carolines, your Keiths, your Martins maybe. Murray.

Murray. Barry. We're a little baby. Meryl Beryl. We're a little baby. Neighbour called Murray. That's right. They were South Africans.

I would love to know whatever happened to baby Murray. Murray, come on. Go back inside, Murray. Murray. Get off it, Murray. Just seeing a toddler that's called Murray is just insane. He'd be toddling down the driveway on his little walkie thing, pushing it, squeak, squeak, squeak.

All the different noises in a bit. Muddy. So it's normally those names that are for old mates or the old gals that, you know, we want to know if you're rocking one of these names. You know, we talked about Carolines and Carolines. Someone said, I've got a 17-year-old called Caroline at work. Really? Yeah, and someone else said, one of my best friends is Caroline.

She's 27 and an absolute bombshell. Now, we never doubted that Carolines weren't hot. They're always bombshells. Always bombshells, regardless of their generation. But we thought they might be of the slightly older generation, not 27-year-old bombshells. Always bombshells, regardless of their generation. But we thought they might be of the slightly older generation, not 27-year-old bombshell Caroline. Yeah. I was thinking 50, 55-year-old bombshell Caroline.

Yeah. Some more reports. I know a Greg who's 26. Someone said Greg in his early 20s. I know a Greg who's in his early 20s. Because Greg was such an 80s and 90s name. It really was, yeah. Really, yeah, yeah.

It peaked. It peaked. It did. I know a Greg who's 20. He's a lovely guy and an old soul, so he really suits the name. Well, that's nice. Okay. We've got Susan on the phone.

Susan, you've actually changed your name. Is Susan the new name or the original name? No, it's the new name or the original name? No, it's my new name. So I was given it Beryl. Beryl? Yeah. How old

are you, Beryl? Shush, it's not my name. 57. You're what, 27? No, 57. Oh, 57, that's okay. You're allowed to be a Beryl. I hate to say it, Beryl.

You're too old for this phone-up. No. Yeah, I know that's what I said to your producer, but it's like, I'm a young 57, thank you. I can hear it as well, Suze. Yeah, you don't sound like a Beryl. You sound like a Susan to me. Where did you get to?

How did you get to Susan from Beryl? Is it your middle name, or did you just go, oh, my God, I hate Beryl? Yeah, no, it was my middle name. And so I changed it by decol about 10 years ago because it was just a pain in the backside. You know, with everything, you go to book your flight ticket and people book it under Susan. And it's like, and then I get to the airport and I couldn't fly

because my ticket wasn't under my name because my passport was Beryl. So, yeah. Do you know if we went through with our

middle names this show would be called Peter, Ellen and Jane. Which is a very different sounding show. Sounds like a Christian broadcasting show to me. Welcome to Peter,

Ellen and Jane. Yes, coming up we're going to be having her to talk to the local reverend about their fate this weekend. And at 8 o'clock a bit of worship for you. Ah, you know we can't get enough of that here at Peter, Alan and Jane. I believe we have a Paula. Yes, thank you Beryl for your call. Susan.

Paula, that's quite a mature name. Yeah, yeah it is. And you are aged? 26. Susan. Paula, that's quite a mature name. Yeah. Yeah, it is. And you are aged? 26. Wow. Would that be the young, do you know any other Paulas your age? I've only ever kind of met one or two.

And they were older? Yeah, they were in their like 50s or 60s when I met them, which was when I was younger as well. Can I ask a question? Is your dad's name Paul? No. I was named after a Paul, though. Oh, right, because I went to school with a Roberta.

No, Roberta was lovely. Shout out, Roberta. Don't laugh at Roberta. It was her dad, Robert. Her dad was Robert and her mum had a name that was like Martha. No, I just. Eat over yourself. Yeah, that's what every time I meet someone who's named their kid after them, Her dad was Robert and her mum had a name that was like Martha. Get over yourself. Yeah, that's what every time I meet someone who's named their kid after them,

I'm like, you're not royalty. Let's just pump the brakes on naming kids after ourselves. And if you're going to do that to Roberta, make it the middle name. Don't make it their first name. Paula, do you go by a nickname or do you just rock a Paula? I mean, how do you shorten the name Paula? Paul. Paulie. I mean, at high school people called me Paul.

They could yell Paul and I would respond. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But other than that, no, I don't really have a nickname. Oh, good on you, Paula. Rock Paula Proud. Yeah, no.

But maybe don't hand it down to your daughter if you have a daughter, you know? Own it. Some messages in. Somebody said, I know siblings. They're all in their 20s and their names are Keith, Caroline and Eleanor. Keith, Caroline, Eleanor. And Eleanor. Southland.

I know a few Eleanors, but yeah, I don't know a single Keith under the age of 40. We have friends who have three kids under seven. Their names are Wilfred, Margaret and Barbara. Barbara. Wilfred. Wow. Margaret. I know this is another person, three children under five, Barry, Prudence and Reggie.

Oh, wow. I like Reggie. That's a big throwback. Sounds like your children are going to start running moonshine. Yeah. Trying to escape the strict prohibition laws before World War II draft. Yeah.

I have a son. My cousin has a son whose name is Bruce, and he's just about to turn two. Bruce. Baby Bruce. I taught a five-year-old called Daryl. Daryl. Daryl.

Daryl. A five-year-old Daryl. Amazing. I know someone who just named their baby Ross. Ah! How foolish! It's silly. That's only for big old men.

Yeah. Old men. Has Ross Boss reacted? Yeah, he's pulling the fingers. Yeah, he's sitting through about three windows away pulling the fingers at us. Yeah. Oh, man. Has Ross Boss reacted? Yeah, he's pulling the fingers. Yeah, he's pulling the fingers. He's sitting through about three windows away pulling the fingers at us. Yeah. Well, enjoy your old names, young timers. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Ailey.

Play ZM. Well, it's producer Anna's last day coming up after eight on the show. We're giving her a live funeral. A living funeral. A living funeral. Yeah. A living funeral. What. A living funeral. What is a living funeral?

Well, some people do this when they know, like, it's quite sad, isn't it? But they know that they're going to die. Maybe they've been given a terminal. An illness, yeah. An illness. And they say, well, rather than just waiting until I'm gone, I want to hear my friends say nice things about me. Hell yeah.

They have a party. Yeah. You have a party, don't you? We were talking about this a few weeks ago, and producer Anna said, I'd absolutely love that. So we thought, well, for her last day, we will give her a living funeral. Because she's dead to us.

I'm going to reiterate, she's not dying. She's moving to North Korea to work for Kim Jong-un. He's doing a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's launching a podcast, so he's snapped up the very best. To be honest, I can't wait to listen. Actually, it's got nothing to do with his policies or his

stance on the world. It's a true crime. It's a true crime. Is it when he killed his sister? Did he kill his sister or his auntie or something? No, it's just sort of a young white woman in America in the bush. Let's wait to hear his hot take on it. Yeah, well.

On Anna's new podcast, Kim Jong Un. Killing Kims. Kim Jong Undercover. It's coming up, the live funeral is coming up after 8 o'clock this morning, but right now. Kim Jong Underinvestigation. Yes. So'clock this morning. But right now. Kim Jong under investigation. Yes. So many great podcast options.

She's not even here. Anna's out getting a coffee. She's phoned it in. Oh, she's in the departure lounge. It's just us, lads. Just us. Now, obviously, cost of living. We talk about it a lot.

It is a crisis. And for a lot. Oh, she's pulling the fingers. Back, back. Must be nice. How's your latte? Cost of living, speaking of lattes, means that people are going to be pulling in their bouts.

Is that the term? Tightening their bouts. Tightening their bouts. Yeah. Reining it in, you know, tightening up the budgets and not spending as much. And I literally have been filling out a form where I had to put some expenses in. And me and Aaron did as much. And I literally have been filling out a form where I had to put some expenses in.

And me and Aaron did a budget, a household budget at the top of this year of what we spend honestly and where it goes. And I looked at our entertainment budget. Leisure, absurd. Through the roof. Through the roof. But you are the one person I can be like,

drinks? And you're like, I'll see you there. See you I can be like drinks and you're like I'll see you there see you in five I'll see you in five or I'm not doing it no I'm not not this weekend oh we were gonna go

okay I'll meet you there yeah I love being that person very easily led quiet weekend and then you get to work on Monday you're like

oh my god I drink every night I know I just love socialising I love going out and at all costs but I know that next year in particular I'm I love going out and at all costs. But I know that next year in particular, I'm really going to have to rein that in. But for me, that is going to give

me such FOMO. If I see someone out or you say drinks and I know that I can't afford it because I'm on a budget and we're saving, I'm going to have FOMO. And so a lot of people apparently, they did a survey, a lot of people are concerned about how their social life is going to suffer as a result of the cost of living. And a life coach, Natalie Trice, has put together some tips or some sort of rules, I guess, for

how you can avoid having FOMO when it's not financially possible for you to join. Her first tip, remember it's the quality that counts. So for me, you know, I go for quantity of hanging out. Of socialising. Boom, boom, boom. I need probably at least three nights a week of

outness and a couple of nights where maybe me and Aaron are having a bit of a party for two. You know, good chats and stuff. But she said it's not the quantity or the sort of expensiveness of things or the, you know, the. It's the quality of the people.

It's the quality of the people that you are with. I've said it time and time again. Yeah. We're adults now. We don't need to be friends with everybody. So it also like to have a good time and to get that social that I so crave. I don't have to go out to a bar and spend, you know, $20 per cocktail. Walking in nature with friends, being mindful,

enjoying the changing seasons together, sharing a winter or summer picnic, depending on where you live. And just talking to people, being attentive and present. That. I don't want to. I know, it sounds so boring. I'm going to go for a picnic with my friends.

Where da espresso martinis at? The next thing to do is scale down your expectations and look for alternatives. Figure out what is good enough in regards to spending time with your friends and loved ones and scale down your expectations. It's not going to be as fun as

say 2019 when we could go out and say this round's on me. Scale down your expectations. Look for things like free activities to do. Another tip, think about your own values. To get really clear on what is important to you and make decisions that align with that. Don't spend money on stuff that you don't actually want to do.

So going like, yes, I would love to go out with you guys and spend heaps of money on Ubers and drinks and food. And go-karting. That actually, if I think about, are we going go-karting? Well, no, I was trying to think of an example of something you might not like. Oh my God, I love go-karting. But now I feel like you're just saying that because you don't want to miss out.

Whereas this is exactly what it's about. If you guys went go-karting without me, I'd be so upset. Fletch doesn't like go-karting. Oh my God, I don't like go-karting. I don't like go-karting. I love go-karting. Nah, it's about. If you guys went go-karting without me, I'd be so upset. Fletch doesn't like go-karting. Oh, my God. I don't like go-karting. I don't like go-karting. It's so fun. I love go-karting. Nah, it's stupid.

Oh, my God. You go around once and then I've done it. Well, if you see that your friends have gone go-karting and then afterwards they go to the pub and they have a big night out and you've got those feelings of FOMO, remind yourself why you made the choice not to be there. I want to go on the luge. Do you want to go on the luge?

I want to go on the luge so bad. How much is a ticket to Rambo's End? I don't know. Let's go. All these, you're all being lured back into it. Remember this. Humans are trash. Humans are trash.

Stay at home. Avoid making any comparisons with other people and how they're spending their money and stay clear on your own values and your own life choices and why you were saving money for yourself. And the last one, which I just think, how to avoid FOMO when your friends are going out and you can't afford it, breathe. I was planning on doing that anyway, so that's fine. Perhaps you're anxious about turning down a group holiday or a dinner out

because you simply can't afford it. Try breathing exercises if you feel stress and anxiety. Now, I went to a breathing therapist. I breathe like a cat, sharp and shallow. Now, I went to a breathing therapist. I breathe like a cat. Sharp and shallow. Meow. I will tell you now, breathing properly did not bring me as much joy as going go-karting with my friends

and having espresso martinis straight afterward. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Ho, ho, ho. Oh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Well, 52 days, 16 hours and 7 minutes away from Christmas. It's going fast.

If you want to play along at home, christmasclock.com. Xmistclock. Ah, yeah, Xmistclock. Excuse me, I sneezed. Ah, that's a COVID sign. I sneezed. I did a COVID test yesterday, thank you very much.

Negi, negi, negi. Still negative. All right. Still neg. 52 days away from Christmas as COVID numbers surge. I don't know what that's got to do with it. Lots of international reports of Christmas. And that is, of course, all taken into account for Christmas penetration.

Danielle is listening in Edinburgh, Scotland. Christmas penetration is getting very high. She says they're putting up the Christmas lights around town this morning. These are your council-installed Christmas decorations. Now, we haven't had any reports of council-installed Christmas decorations yet here in Aotearoa, New Zealand. But I'm imagining that Halloween's out of the way and we are in the month of November.

It could very much be happening. So please do report to us if anybody sees any council-related Christmas decorations. Yes. I had a reminder of Christmas yesterday because I'm obviously at home isolating with COVID-19 for the second time. Yes. I decided to clean out all my drawers and I found a voucher from last Christmas. Is it expired?

No, it's got another year on it so I'm going to spend that. What's it for? It's a Stevens voucher. What do they do? The pots and pans and cups and stuff, eh? Yeah, they're the posh store inside Farmers. Yeah, right. There's a store inside a store situation going on. Well, what should I get? Because I've got spatulas and pans and stuff.

What don't you have? He wants for nothing, this guy. The man with everything. I've always wanted one of those, what are those things where you peel the carrots and they go in real little strings? A Juliet. Juliet.

I'm going to get a Juliet peeler. Now that you say it, it doesn't sound right. Juliet peeler. It's a Juliet peeler. What's embarrassing when we go to Fletcher's and we're like... That's embarrassing. Well, I tell you what aren't embarrassing, my plates.

I thought that your water glasses were a bit scrubby. Remember, they're quite hot. They've got a bit foggy. I tried one of those tips from online, but it didn't clean them. Yeah, because you also have that white film on them now. Yeah. Georgia's got a suggestion for what you could do with your voucher.

You could buy other people presents. No, see, he's struggling to compute that, Georgia. So he's having a Wi-Fi glitch, I think. No, but it's my voucher. Why would I do that? That's a kindness glitch you're seeing there. Oh, okay. I thought it might have been the connection.

How to do it. If you want emotion, you wait for producer Anna's living funeral. Oh, I reckon we're going to see some. I want to see something as beautiful as that stunning haiku we heard on Monday. Yeah, that was poetic. Yeah.

Thank you. Monique would like to report Christmas from Singapore. 34 degrees and tropical thunderstorms happening in Singapore today, but Orchard Road Christmas penetration is strong. And pictures of a Singaporean Christmas. Sonali, this is a homegrown, this is a homegrown Christmas day

called Going Up at Westfield, Albany today. Oh God. We'll be officially playing our Christmas music from this week onwards. Hashtag Christmas penetration.

So that's, you've been warned that that's going to be in your ears when you go. Christmas penetration going strongly in Nuremberg, Germany.

The Christkindlmarkt in Nuremberg is one of the biggest and most famous of the German Christmas markets, and they've already started setting up the section. This is the children's market. Decorations going up with Sankt und Klaus. Somebody has sent us a picture of Dan Carter in reindeer antlers. And boy, I know we'll be getting paid well by the Christmas Warehouse, but he's earning every dollar

because he looks a bit silly. Dashing Deals, the catalogue out now. If you want to buy... Of the Chemist Warehouse, yeah. If you want to buy a loved one a tube of Barocca for Christmas. Some lipospheric vitamin C or some boysenberry flavoured cough

drops. And also, Mariah Carey. Oh, this is big. Who, of course, as the sound of Christmas, has put up a video on her... Oh, no, actually, don't, Jared, because Fletcher's Zoom's coming through there. On her Instagram saying,

it's time the video features Mariah Carey dressed as a witch on an exocycle, laughing. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha. Born 1st of November. It's Christmas, Mariah, that we all know and love. Oh, love. Michael Boomblade's in the microwave under frost.

Mariah Carey's straddling a reindeer. I mean... She is Christmas. 52 days away from Christmas. With all this in mind... Rudolph, warm up that nose. Right now, Christmas penetration is at... 90%!

Oh, my God. It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, it's a sad day for the family

because producer Anna is leaving us today. It's her last show. I've got a problem with the fact her last day is a Wednesday, not a Friday. Yeah, I've also got a problem with the week. See you out of the week. Clean cut, you know. Absolutely. I've also got a problem that you're not here, Fletch.

That feels wrong. Well, yeah, it's, yeah, so Vaughn's gonna have to dictate and write a message for me in the leaving card, because I haven't done that. Yep. What do you have? I'm isolating. Oh, you want Vaughn to write you a message? Just write something heartfelt and then write Fletch after it. I reckon, okay, we'll get him to do it. I've got a message for you. Oh, you want Vaughan to write you a message? Just write something heartfelt and then write Fletch after it.

I reckon, okay, we'll get him to do it. I've got the card. Thank you, thank you. Well, coming up, for Producer Anna's very last day with us on the show, she mentioned that she'd loved this one thing a few weeks ago, and we thought, well, this is perfect. Yes. Very fitting for the last day she would love.

Well, she loved the idea of a living funeral. People do these quite often. Now, I've been told straight from the source that there will be no tears today. Oh, really? Yep. I reckon looking at her face, it's already happening. Done. We're all dressed as if we're going to a funeral.

Yep. You haven't even put on a white shirt at home? You're wearing your formal flexi fit? Can I say, Jesus, Danny. This shirt, it's a few years since I've worn this white shirt, and I tell you what, I've buffed up. I've bulked up. Look at my nips, too, are poking through.

Oh, no. Oh, yeah, I can see the nips. Can you see those? Those little tiny little peepers? Yeah. Now, I have to keep those off Instagram. We'll get ourselves banned. Also, I thought the idea of the living funeral

was that we wear like fun colours, not sombre colours. No, no, we're all in mourning. Are you thinking of a fun run? You're thinking of a fun run fundraiser. Yeah. We all wear fun, silly colours. All right, well, our living funeral is next on the show for producer Anna.

Play it. It's F the show for Producer Anna. It's a sad day today for the family because Producer Anna, after many years, how many years all up is it? Six years. Six years. Wow. After six years is leaving us to run the Kim Jong-un podcast, his new true crime podcast. Kim Jong-under investigation.

Yes. It's North Korea's first launch into podcasts, and he wanted the best. So Anna's leaving us. His father's doing that podcast that looks at music, Kim Jong-un's Earless Beats of the 2000s. Brilliant. And that well-being podcast that his

grandfather's running, Kim Jong Sonny Days Ahead. Yeah, beautiful. Brilliant. Kim Jong always Sonny in Philadelphia. Always Sonny in Pyongyang. He reviews the episodes. So make sure you listen out for those podcasts, but leaving us for Australia after all these

years and we thought, well, we'll send you off with a living funeral. You may remove your blindfold. Okay. Oh my God. I think I'm going to put, shall I pour her a rosé? Yeah, you pour her a rosé.

I'll run you through the proceedings of today's funeral here. We've got a nice French rosé. What do you call these things? A funeral pamphlet. It is like she's died. It's like she's died. Yeah, we've got some club sandwiches in here.

I've had one of each. They have been refrigerated. The egg was very cold on the teeth. Yeah, usually we would ask people to join us afterwards for just some nibbles and some kind words with the family. But we thought we'd combine it.

That'll be after the private cremation. Okay. How committed are we to this? Do we have this funeral pamphlet online? I think this needs to be online. It's brilliant. Yeah, the funeral... The funeral pamphlet is a photo.

Of course, you've always got to have the photo on the front, don't you? With the years. In loving memory, Anna Henvey, September 19, 2016, to November 2, 2022. And then in the middle, another photo, of course, you've always got to have the photo on the front, don't you? With the years. In loving memory, Anna Henvey, September 19, 2016 to November 2, 2022. And then in the middle, another photo

and then just the words to How Great Thou Art. Yeah. Which we'll sing in full. I'm going to start for Kariomai, the Te Reo Maori version. We'll do those full verses

and then we'll move into How Great Thou Art. I feel like How Great Thou Art has been sung at every funeral I've ever been to, but I still couldn't tell you how it goes.

Now, the idea of a living..., I've never been to one, but people do this because they know that their time is near and they want to hear all the things that their friends say about them. Do they ever participate or do they just sit at the back and take it all in? I don't know. I've never been to one. No, I've never been to one either. This is my first living funeral. Now I've

organised the wine. That sort of felt like my kind of go-to role. That's good for you, yeah. How's the French rosé? That's absolutely delightful. What a start to the day. Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. So talk us through the proceedings there, Vaughan. Well, we'll be hearing from loved ones and

there'll be eulogies delivered. There will be. And I believe also song. Why a song? We'll be joining in what can only be described as one of those drama school, everybody sings. Oh, God. When no one really wants them to situation.

How do you? So I think we should start. And my mum will be walking around telling people to take their sunglasses off the minute they enter the church. My mum does this at funerals. She loves it. Those off, those off. Sorry. Not inside, not inside. I'll put them on if I cry. Yeah. Well, I think before we give our eulogies,

we should hear from a few other people who would like to say a few words. Hi Anna, it's Lucy, Mountie and Saga. And we're really sad that you're gone. We're going to miss you. Hi Anna, you'll be missed a lot. Have fun in Aussie, don't get an accent and we'll see you soon.

It's Laura's turn. Anna was really good at telling me no and then changing her mind and telling me yes. Anna, it's Aileen. You were really good at sitting in that beanbag in the office for hours at a time. We'll miss you. Anna, it's Petra. I always knew where I stood with you.

You're honest in a good way, but I'm glad that now you're free from pain. The pain of flexion born. I'm glad that now you're free from pain. The pain of flicking Vaughn. We're trying to do an acrostic poem for you. We'll kick it off with the A. Always telling Vaughn to shut the f*** up. The N, I would say naughty little minks. An N is never being liked. Amazing.

Amazing. We're going to miss you. Anna Banana, it's Georgia here. Oh, there's going to be a big hole left in that producer's booth. I'm going to miss you so much. Who am I going to annoy every day by talking way too loud? I don't know what I'm going to do without you, but you will be massively missed.

Hello, my love. I also wanted to wish you the best last day at ZM. I've told you this before, but I'm immensely proud of everything you've done there. You've killed it over these last six years. I can't wait for you not to be waking up at 4 a.m. and have a normal social life. Also, not turn on the light because, I mean, that's more of a selfish request. Also, can't wait for you to move over here. I mean, look, the sun is shining.

It's a beautiful day here in Sydney. I'm here with one of your future flatmates say hi Bowie and we both can't wait to see you here It's every part of flooding with a Bowie it's a hand towel. Oh, no, we can't make her wipe her nose. She's going to aggravate her skin. It's also every partner of anyone who works in breakfast radios dream one day that they won't work in breakfast radios. We wake them up early, we're always grumpy, and we never want to do anything mid-afternoon because that's when everything really, you know.

You come home, you've got 30 minutes of energy to give them. I literally say to Aaron, I've got 30 for you. And then, I don't know, I need to light it in a drink. That was beautiful. That was some beautiful words. That was beautiful. Thank you so much. The no tears rule's been broken.

Yeah, no, that took about four seconds. Have a sip of rosé. Okay. You wait, because here comes Fletch. What does that mean? The funeral hot stepper himself. I can't believe you're wearing a dress shirt for me. This is so lovely.

Thank you. It's one of the only two shirts I own and it's too small. Dude, that shirt is wearing you. I feel like these nipples are very inappropriate at a funeral. Daddy had that painted on. That's the same material that Hadid's dress was sprayed on at the fashion week. Okay, you got some words. Anna.

Anna Banana. Gone before your time. And on a Wednesday. At least you could have died on a Friday to round out the week. Anna, you were my third favourite ringer behind Black Caps Martin Gupta 1, Florence and the Machine 2, but above Samantha Hayes 4. When producer Caitlin left, Martin Guptill, one. Florence and the Machine, two. But above Samantha Hayes, four. When producer Caitlin left, I thought, heck, what a hole to fill. But I said, you've been here six months.

I think you're ready to step up. And he said, actually, I've been here four years. Time flies, buddy. Time flies. I'll miss the way that you say, no. If you look in your calendar, you'll see that meeting's been in there for weeks. And shut up, we're on the phone. And whose plate is this in the group chat

when I leave my bowl in the studio? I'll miss your intricate spreadsheets for trips away that only I read and Vaughan definitely never opened. I'll always remember the spare lollies in your top drawer that you had for when I was hangry. And I know that you'll be up there in heaven right now thinking this voice break is already going on too long. I was.

Thank you. Thank you for everything. R.I.P. Thank you for this, Jane. That was great. That was emotion, guys. No, I don't think we clap it if you're not around. Do we clap?

I think we clap. Yeah. All right, mourn your eulogy. Well, it's like Sai Baba, spiritual leader and philanthropist once said, except you're not dead, so I'm going to change this on the fly. Jobs is like a song.

Sing it. Jobs is a game. Play it. Jobs is a challenge. Meet it. I mean, jobs is a dream. Realize it. Jobs is a sacrifice.

Offer it. Jobs is love. Jobs is it. Jobs is love. Jobs is love. Jobs is love. Enjoy it. Your new job, that's both this job and your new job, working at the Kim Jong-un Podcast Network. Under investigation.

That's one of the many podcasts that he has to offer. Jobs have to end. Love doesn't. It's by Mitch Abel. Some other touching funeral moments. Anna, we're going to miss you. We're going to miss you a lot. As Fletch said, you were very, very organised.

On par with Fletch when it comes to organise. I need that in my life because I am not organised. That's my shock here. Yeah. Sade, my wife said, are you going to cry like you did when Caitlin left? And I said, I think it'll be like an emotional day, but I talk to Caitlin probably more

and we talk about things we actually want to talk about, not work, which has made it probably even a nicer relationship to have. And I know that's the sort of friendship we're going to have going forward as well. We'll be able to talk about stuff that isn't. Where am I? And... Are you going to come in today?

Yeah, and Vaughan, we're going to be on in 10 seconds. Where are you? Who are you talking to? Vaughan, don't get distracted. And also our lovely walks places where you literally have to supervise me so I don't stop and talk to someone I haven't seen for a little while

who might just need to hear some dumb story about a farmlet. But yeah, I honestly think we'll probably talk nicer to each other and kinder and more regularly now that we don't work together. And that's the sort of person you are in my life. You're a friend and a friend that we got to work with for six years. That's insane. So I thank you and onward, upward and

all hail our generous, kind North Korean leader. All hail. All hail Kim Jong-un. Thank you. Thank you so much for... Now before I take over, as you mentioned before,

I like to express myself, both through physical touch, and that's coming. Don't have any doubt there. But through songs. So we're going to return with a Hayley's version. However, before then we have another song to play for you. It's Ali Due, Middle of the

Night on ZM. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hayley's version. Oh! Songs sung with different lines. Quite an upbeat jingle for a living funeral, isn't it? We should have redone it in a minor key.

If you've just joined us, it's producer Anna's last day, so we're giving her a living funeral. We're saying nice things about her and she's alive to see it. We've heard some from some of her nearest and her dearest. Thank you. Including Andy, who is patiently waiting for you over in Australia. We've heard from Fletcher Vaughan, who you've worked with for many, many years,

and I'm quite fresh. And so, of course, I wanted to write a Hayley's version for you. I'm all about collaboration. Okay. And I knew for this I wanted it to be a really big number. And I wanted to work with one of your favourite New Zealand musicians. Okay. For this Hayley's version. And I was trying to think, who could that be? I could get Chris Mack in. You know, I could get the boys from Cora. Yes. Yep. Our boys. And that checks out. I could get Kimbra in.

I could get Lorde. And then while I was trying to make this decision, I was actually approached myself to collaborate on a song with you by my favourite New Zealand DJ, DJ Jizzle Prizzle. Hello. Yeah, Cora was busy. Cora was busy. Now, DJ Jazzy Pete, we're still working on the name

for producer Jared's DJ name. Actually wanted to have a collaboration moment with me. Yeah, I'm not very good at this sort of stuff. So I asked the pro. Yeah, I'm a bit nervous. What are you singing too? Wow. Oh my God. Yes, I'm a bit nervous. What are you singing to? Wow. Oh, my God.

Yes, Jared. You'll be great. You'll be great. We'll see. He's done musicals. We are used to the sound of Hayley on Hayley's versions. However, this is a collaboration. Jared, tell her the song because this was a tough one for me.

This is Tommy and Krista by Thirsty Match. As in this one of your favorite songs? I love this song. Yeah, you're always trying to peddle this for Friday Flashback. It's never happening. This is Anna's Leaving Song to Tommy and Krista by DJ Jazzy P, Feet, Hayley Sproul. Hit it, Fletch. There was no berating The Vaughn was grading They'd get brioche at the coffee shop there

When the show plan was dry Nothing on study fines Anna was there to shake up the guys Something sexy, prime or relatable content Come on guys, you're on in five When she was the boss of me Everything was clearly laid out in a spreadsheet Now she's not the boss of me, everything was clearly laid out in a spreadsheet. Now she's not the boss of me.

She's going to be anarchy. She used to be the boss of me. And now she's gone to move overseas with Adam and Nick. She used to be the boss of me. And now she lives in Aussie Well, what do you know? Soon Anna's running the show Only in her mid-twenties, but you wouldn't know

I mean, she looks mid-twenties, but I'm talking about her mind. You gotta have some guts to keep the three of them in line Is it too late to ask you to stay? I promise I'll stop asking for a hug every day. We'll stop saying rude things and doing lewd things and Fletcher will put his dishes away. But Vaughn will probably still be late. She used to be the boss of me

and now she's gone to EP all the parties. She used to be the boss of me and now she's gone to ep all the parties she used to be the boss of me and now she lives in aussie when she used to be the boss of me she only ran a white toast and endless coffee and now she's not the boss of me. She can finally get some sleep. Well, take a second here to be a little sincere. We're all really sad that you won't be here. But we know why you're leaving, what you're achieving. We're proud, but we're also doing five stages of grieving. Though you're gone, we know it won't be long till you think of us because you heard a 660 song.

Although it's crap to have a thousand mile gap, we know you're listening wherever you're at. On the iHeartRadio app, she used to be the boss of me. And now she's gone to move overseas with Fendi. She used to be the boss of me and now she's gone to move overseas with Fendi she used to be the boss of me and now she lives in Aussie she used to be the boss of me

and now she's gone to move overseas with Fendi, she used to be the boss of me and now she lives in Aussie and that is today's Hayley's version or Jared's version boss of me and now she lives in Aussie and now she lives in Aussie That is today's Hayley's version or Jared's version. Oh my god that was amazing

Lyrics by JP I've got to say and also I didn't know he could sing. He can sing JP's got pipes. We got into the booth and I was like well how's this gonna go and then I went I've got to step up my game That was amazing guys thank you so much the booth and I was like, well, how's this going to go? And then I went, I've got to step up my game.

That was amazing, guys. Thank you so much. And I just, I mean, I know I'm new and we've only known each other a short time. I just think you're a marvel. I genuinely marvel at you every day. You're fun, firm, fair, playful, naughty, with some reins on it. Organised, authoritative, young, and yet very, very old.

Which I love. I've never worked with anyone quite like you, and I doubt I will again. And I echo what Vaughn said. You're a true friend and a cuddle buddy for life. And I wish you the best of luck. We are so proud of you and everything you're going to do. You're a hell of a woman. And now that you're gone, I'm going to flirt with your mum.

Oh, my gosh. We're going to be talking about Fijos. We're going to be talking about Fijos. We're going to be talking about jams. Some nice Fijos jam. Now, every funeral needs some flowers. These are for you from us. And of course, this card that has just the most heartfelt message from Fletch. I can't wait to see what you put on Fletch.

Thank you, guys. Am I allowed to say a word now? This is the part. This is now a good time. This is the part where you're allowed to speak. Watch your rosé, huh? Yeah, God, I better drink that. Keep it tight. We now? This is the part. This is now a good time? This is the part where you're allowed to speak. Watch your rosé, huh? Yeah, God, I better drink that. Keep it tight.

We've got fact of the day. People kind of set their watch by that, don't they? That's cool. I'll keep it speedy. Oh, my God. Six years. What a beautiful ride. Fletch, my God.

My problem child. I'll miss you. I'll miss you so much. I know. I now whenever go through airport security and someone hasn't got their laptop bag out, I will always think of you as I internally scream. You run the...

They need to open more lanes, you're right. They need to open more lanes. And, you know, let's get those laptops out while we're standing in the queue for 10 minutes, you know? Yeah, exactly. Be prepared. You are like a big dad and you have just guided me through so many life decisions and I wish that you were here.

You have been such a important influence in my life. You always know what to do. Did you always want guidance through those decisions or was that sometimes a forced hand? It was often compulsory. Yeah, I'll get to you in a minute. But yes, seriously, I wish you were here. I love you to bits and

thank you. Please put your nipples away for my next real funeral. Hayley, it hasn't been the longest time, but my God, it feels like 10 years that we've known each other. Everyone knows how talented you are, but not many people know what you're like off air and you're amazing.

Oh, geez, there it is. You, like often a producer's job is to make sure that the hosts are up and in a good mood and ready to go. And with us, often a producer's job is to make sure that the hosts are up and in a good mood and ready to go. And with us, it's often the opposite. You are the one that's gassing everyone up. You make everyone feel so good, and you just brighten up a room. So thank you.

Love you a long time. Vaughan. Good lord. My other problem child. Vaughan Smith, the reason that I have grey hairs, big wrinkles, and that I need some sleep but you are my big brother and you drive me up the wall

as mentioned, I'm so sorry for barking at you clearly that's been a real prominent part of our friendship for six years but you are with being my big brother comes the caring and endless support side of it. And every sick day, you're the one that checks in,

often multiple times. Oh, jeez. So sorry. I love you like a big brother, and you have been there through some really tough times. Both you and Sade are my number ones, and I can't wait to move in as your au pair. When Aussie doesn't work out,

I'm coming back for the Smith family. Jared, Carwin, Georgia, Ross, everyone on the ZM team, I love you to bits. And yeah. Okay. Thank you so much. All right, get in the coffin, I reckon,

and we'll carry you out. Living funerals are great, aren't they? And you get to hear all the nice things. That was 10 out of 10, guys. That was my dream come true. Hey, and after this. Well, it's not over yet. Yeah, after this, we're going to go get drunk at lunch.

Yay! Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Have you got a sandwich in your mouth, Hayley? Sorry. We've got, the funeral was catered. And so I've had. Clubbies, you've got to have clubby sandwiches. You've got to have clubby sandwiches.

We've got a club egg and we've got a club chicken. I've hadbies You've got to have clubby sandwiches We've got a club egg and we've got a club chicken I've had one of both Delicious It's kind of a before and after isn't it of club sandwiches

It truly is What came first The egg club sandwich or the chicken club sandwich Alright well we're a little bit late but it's time for Fact of the day

day day day day Yeah Act of the day, day, day, day, bloody love lad. I can't get enough of that little Russian fella. What's his name? Hus Bulla. Yeah, they're slapping things and not talking to women. He's my modern day hero. Who is that?

I read up. He's 19. He's Russian. That's all that there is to know. So he signed a UFC contract. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Some form of, yeah, it's a genetic disorder that means he'll never get any bigger than

he currently is. If you don't know who this is, look up Asbjörl. Do you know who Asbjörl is, Fletch? You will have seen him. Yeah, yeah, I do, yeah. This little jerk's doing nothing. He's an a-hole. He's a real prick.

He won't talk to women. He won't even look at them in the face or something. Didn't he slap Conor McGregor in the face? No, he wants to, but Conor McGregor said he'd punt him. Now that's something I see. Oh, Jesus Christ. If he swung first, he's asking for it. But anyway.

I don't know if you're allowed to do that since Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, they ended it, didn't they? That's true. That's well and truly been put to bed. Well, this was on Ladbible and a welcome break from stories about Hasbulla or Dan Bilzerian. This was about somebody who noticed they could do something and then started asking some questions if anybody else could do it.

I've checked with the group. The majority of the people on the show can do it. It's basically where you can cause the tensor tympani, a muscle within the ear, to voluntarily contract and it makes a rumbling sound in your ear. the tensor timpani, a muscle within the air, to voluntarily contract, and it makes a rumbling sound in your ear. I remember discovering this. That sounds like distant thunder to me. I don't know what it sounds like to you guys.

Most people will do this when they yawn. It's that... Yeah, the noise you get when you yawn, that's not you breathing in, that... And I can do it. I can just go... But obviously you can't hear it. It makes me yawn whenever I do it. I can just go, but obviously you can't hear it. It makes me yawn whenever I do it.

I remember discovering it as a kid. You know when you discover something like my eyes, I can make my eyes vibrate or make the ears do that. Do your eyes vibrate? Oh, yeah, I like that. Yeah. There was a kid on our bus that could do that growing up. You know when you discover these things

and you're just like keep doing it all night long. You're like, oh, yeah. So is it a genetic? A bit like playing with yourself. A bit like when you discover that that's nice. After you get over the initial guilt. I'm not sinful. After you get over the initial guilt.

I'm not even Catholic. That's quite an enjoyable thing. I was more Catholic, but I tell you what, that cochlear got put to bed. Absolutely. So what were you going to say, Fletch? Is it genetic? Like, you know, tongue rolling. Some people just can and can't.

I don't know. It doesn't, the article I read doesn't say that. But basically, yeah, some people can and some people can't control it. So it runs by your facial, there's a facial nerve nearby. And so that's why a lot of people can get it when they squeeze their eyes shut really tight. You can hear it. Or do something with your jaw. Because I remember discovering when I was a kid trying to pop my ears when I had a cold trying to equalize and you could get to a point where you just hear

this rumbling and not everybody can do that and i just assume that's one of those things everybody could do right but not everybody can do it it's uh voluntary uh voluntary control of this muscle in the air that causes vibration that um apparently all your muscles do it you just can't hear it because it's not in your ear. If you get a big enough muscle, it might work on the butt. If somebody wants to try this with a loved one or a gym. Should I put the mic? Because I've got one hell of a dumper. Or a gym bra.

I don't know if we'd go through the mic. Please do. Tense your butt as hard as you can. Listen carefully. Put the mic straight on it. We might hear it. No. It must be, yeah.

But it's the vibration of the twitch. Are you going to wipe that mic now? I went close to, but not on. Yeah. She's wearing clothes. I've got a couple of clothes on. Yeah, a couple of layers. So today's fact of the day is if you can make the rumbly thunder sound in your ear,

not everybody can. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. So, listen to me now. TikTok correspondent Hayley Sproul. Oh, yeah. TikTok expert Hayley Sproul with one good TikTok to her name. There is a new trend on TikTok where people are sharing the extreme lengths they went to to nab the guy. To sort of get the guy

to fall for them or go on a date with them. How they sort of worked someone. Here's one I love. Remembering that time I really wanted my crush to invite me over. So when we were Snapchatting and I asked what he was doing he replied watching the new OJ Simpson doc. I said same, what episode?

He said three and he said oh my god me too. We should watch episode four together, which we did. So I went over and had no idea what was going on in the series because I had actually never seen it before. Now we're married. Read a recap. I don't think guys need that. If you just said, can I come over?

A guy's going to be like, yes. Now I'm in the middle of watching OJ. Here's another one. When I was 15, there was this cute boy in my class, but he was super shy and I was too scared to talk to him, but I really wanted to. One day I saw him like a meme on Facebook from this certain TV show that I'd never heard of.

I ended up watching the entire TV show in one night so that the next time we were in Classical, I could subtly make a reference to the show, which led to our first conversation. Seven years later, we're married. Wow. I love this. Are you going to tell everybody now the links you went to?

So Aaron didn't ask me out on a date. I asked him out on the first date, but I didn't really ask him out on a date. I was too shy, and so I said to Aaron, Aaron's a theatre director, right, and he was doing his Masters in directing at the same drama school while I was doing my acting degree. Oh, inappropriate.

No, no, no, he wasn't my teacher. No, and teacher student relations. He wasn't my teacher. He was a student as well, doing his master's. We're all a student of life, says the creepy teacher. Oh, my God. Anyway, and then I messaged him because we had to make our solo shows, and I messaged him saying, you know, you're a great director.

Would you be able to meet up with me for a coffee and talk about my solo? And he was like, yeah, sure. Absolutely help you out with your solo. And then we met up at a cafe. Let's make this solo a bit of a duo. Yeah, I met up at a cafe and he said, oh, should we get a coffee? And I was like, no, don't drink coffee. I said, let's go get a wine.

And he said, sweet. I said, what do you want to do if you're solo? And he said, oh, no, no, I don't want to talk about solos. And then we went on a date that lasted like 48 hours. Wow. Now. I mean, that's admirable. You tricked the man in there. You told him that was a trick before the trick had even started and

he stayed around. But I just had to get him in the room. I just had to get him in the room to charm him. You know? I had to get some solo time. I had to get some solo time. Right. And so he's been trapped for how many years? Twelve. Yeah, right. And he put a ring on it.

Dum-dum. Now he's trapped for life. We own property together. Gotcha. You'll bury them in admin. So I want to know what lengths you went to to secure your partner. Maybe you had a ruse like I did, or the people who are sharing things online. All right, well, give us a call.

0800 dials at Emerson number. Text in 9696. Tell us the tale of how you nabbed your partner. Talking about the ways that you reeled in. Reeled in. Reeled in your partner. It's like fishing, isn't it? It is like fishing.

Gotta get the good bait out there on a good hook. Gotta have a good, nice fluffy little rainbow little lure. Are we soft jigging? Yeah, we're soft. Are to have a good nice fluffy little rainbow little lure. Are we soft jigging? Yeah. Are we soft baiting? We're soft baiting. We've got a good line on it

because if you catch a big one your line's got to be able to hold them. Oh, don't you worry about my line, mate. And get that gaff hook ready so when they're up beside the boat

just gaff, gaff, gaff. Yeah. Step on the brain. TikTokers are revealing online the lengths they've gone to to get their partner. Yes, and Helena is also willing to share the lengths she went to. Morena Helena.

Hi, how are you going? Are you a Helena or a Helena? I'm a Helena, but I give you everything. No, I beg your pardon. Helena, how did you nab your partner? So I met my partner at a games night when we were all studying in Dunedin and quite liked them. And my cheeky move was to take his ID.

Wait, you stole from him? Yeah, I took his ID so we'd have to catch up. Oh, that's nice. And when you caught up for him to pick it up, how did you reel him in? Oh, he knew it was a ploy and he was all for it. And fast forward a few years and we've been married for 10 years. Oh, lovely. You've got to take the risk.

Also, Helena, before we hang up on you, please have a great first day at your new job. Thank you. I'm totally not going to be late now. No. What are you doing? What's your new job? I'm like a wealthy officer. Oh, I love that.

Yeah, it should be good. Good luck. Good luck, Helena. Yeah, don't do good. Good luck. Good luck, Helen A. Yeah, don't do poos on day one in the staff toilet. You can't do that. Great advice. Thanks, Tim. Great advice. Alright, keep your texts coming in.

9696 0800 DALS at M. The links you've gone to to reel in your partner. We'll get to more of those next. We are talking about the ways that you hook, line and sinkage your partner. People have been sharing on TikTok the ways that they've sort of played a bit of a game, a bit of a ruse to nab them. Crafty way now.

Oh, really? Men, we need to watch. Men, we need to close ranks. We need to get a club going where we share all these things that they do. At the end of the day, if you're dumb enough to fall for it and then marry us. I know we're dummies. That's on you. We're dum-dums.

Gotcha. Some messages in. I picked up my now husband at a bar nine years ago, old school style. His shiny bald head caught my eye. Gorgeous. But I had to go back and find him three times to tell him I was interested and he must come chat to me. He denied my invitation three times.

Shame. Finally caved on the fourth, took him home that same night, and we've been together ever since. Took him home? Took him home. Your dating was fun, eh? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Brooke, did you nab yourself a man, did you? I did manage to nab myself a men. A men? A men. What? He is a man. How did you play this? So his parents owned a local bar in town

and they were struggling during lockdown to get staff. So I thought I'd apply for a job and I got real cosy with his mum. So I'd seen him come in a couple of times and talk to him and thought, oh, he's cute. And then I would continue to talk to his and thought, oh, he's cute. And then I would continue to talk to his mum about, oh, boys are so annoying. Boys, all of them, they're just cheaters and liars.

And then she whipped out the old, well, you haven't met my boy yet. Fantastic. Fantastic. So where are we at now then after... I'm actually just doing the drive of shame back from his house. Two years strong. You've got to move in together.

No. I don't know. He doesn't really want to. I try sneaking into conversations but we're not there yet. Oh, wow. I love the drive of shame. That's where you fart.

That's where I used to get in and be like, what a great night. Let it all out. Thank you very much for your call. Greg. Now, Greg, we're going to ask you, how old are you?

How old am I? Yes. I'm 39. That's a young Greg. It's on the younger end of Greg's. Yeah. We were just talking this morning, weren't we, about young Greg? Yeah, that Greg.

Did you know, Greg, that your name is on the way out, apparently, in popularity? Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I think it suits you, Greg. Oh, hey, that your name is on the way out, apparently, in popularity? Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I think it suits you, Greg. Oh, hey, thanks. I appreciate that. Greg, how did you sort of hook in a partner? Oh, well, we were already kind of very sort of casually seeing each other.

My partner at the time was over from the U.S. studying, and it was one of those things that was going all right, but she was leaving to go back to the U.S. for Christmas break, and I think the penny suddenly dropped that there was a very real potential that if I didn't act swiftly and decisively that it may peak her out if I left her to the big smoke of the U.S. So I flew to the U. the US unannounced to Michigan, colluded with her parents,

who told her in non-certain terms not to fall for a Kiwi boy, produced a fake movie trailer for a film called The Mother-in-Law and then proceeded to propose at the end of that movie trailer in the local theatre when she'd been brought there by her friends. Greg, did this go viral? This felt like it probably went viral. Oh, no, it was a few years ago now. So we're 16 years in, so it was kind of pre-viral.

So you didn't even do this for the internet. You did it for your own love, your own heart. Oh, God, Greg, we've got a real one on our hands here. No doubt she snapped up the opportunity. Of course. Yeah, four kids, 16 years of marriage, and going strong. Oh, I love that. Congratulations, Greg.

And you know what? I think it's a fine name. An absolutely fine name. It's a strong name. It's got a strong sound to it. It doesn't sound like a strong jaw. Yeah, thanks for your call, Greg. Cheers, guys.

What else are people saying, V Smith? My mum went through my dad's personal records at the gym she worked at and basically stalked him for six months. I mean, that's a fireable offence. Yeah, they were together for 30 years. Yikes. Probably until she finally told him, you want to hear a funny story on how we actually met?

And he was like, well, now I know you're creepy, even though I loved you all these years. I accidentally left my earrings at his place, so when I saw him the next day, said oh I left my earrings at your place and he said oh I'll bring them into work tomorrow and I said or I can come and get them marriage and four kids later I love that

I don't think that works I've still got this watch here and I don't want this do you all want this? nah yeah that's a classy ass looking watch yeah it's a good watch I'll wear that watch

they're not coming back for it are they? yeah well are they allowed? who knows at a hockey club, my crush caught my eye and we talked briefly. Then I Facebook stalked him to win an argument about what colour my car was. Oh, he said it was burgundy. I said it was purple. Eight years later, we've been married for four years and got a gorgeous three-year-old. Which one was it? It would have been burgundy. It would have been burgundy.

Yeah, because he would have said purple and guys are always like, green. Yeah. They're like, oh no, what kind of green? Green. Wow. Well, nothing's real, is it? Nothing's authentic. Nothing's real.

It's all a trap. Good luck out there. It's wild. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. All right, so the end of the podcast. It's here. You've heard our live funeral. Our kind, moving words for producer Anna. She joins us now for the podcast outro for the very last time

for the podcast family. Because we clapped at 9 o'clock and you were like, yeah, and you took some bows and stuff, but then we ended on the podcast. She's back for her encore performance. Work never stops. How are you feeling? It's very sad. It's really weird.

I feel like it's such a cliche to call your work family your family, but it does feel like the end of a chapter. So, you know, it's good. I mean, I'm excited and it feels like a good decision, but no, it is a bit sad. So for people who are listening, what are you actually doing? Because we've said a lot that you're going to win the kim jong-un and all three which i think in my mind i'm always going to picture when i see him at a rocket test you just in the background be like closer to the mic okay try to keep this under three minutes

it was a little bit wordy this launch needs to's 9.03. Yeah, this launch needs to happen at 9, Kim. It's 9.03. Word economy. Let's go. Come on, we're getting on the train back to Pyongyang. There's a caller on the phone. Throw to the caller, Kim. No, I'm not going to North Korea.

I'm going to Sydney. I'm going to work at Nova and be executive producer of podcasts there. Who are their big dog podcasts? They've got a few. So Not So PG, The Space. Is it about PG tips, is it? It's about bell teas. It's a bell tea podcast, Not So PG Tips.

Yep. And Back to Reality are going to be the three that I'm working on. Right. Do you need some ideas for some new podcasts? I've got some great ideas. Okay. Okay, here's one. My Drive Back from the...

Oh, Fletch, that was very cheeky. That was very naughty. Very cheeky. Okay, let's proactively, reactively beep out my idea for the podcast. Yes, please. And then that'll leave the listeners guessing at what I was, my podcast idea. Beep out the part where I said...

As well. Give them less clothes. Give them less clothes. Poor Jerry. He just wants to come to the pub after the show. Now he's got bloody two hours of beeping and editing to do. But, you know, just for extra measure, can you beep this? Say the C word.

No, I can't. Oh, my God. Say the C word. Say the C word. No, I can't. No, I can't. Ross! Maria, say the C word. Say the C word. No, I can't. No, I can't. Ross! Maria, what is it you can't face?

Come on, it's your last podcast with us. You can absolutely drop a C bomb. No, because I'm always scared that this podcast recording is actually on air. But surely someone would have run in. Well, if it is, we're all in very big trouble. It's the podcast. It's your last words. Be honest.

Say what you wanted to say on air with us earlier What did I want to say on air with you earlier? I'm so scared Fuck you all I can't wait to get the fuck out of here You'll be nothing but a thorn in my fucking side Actually yeah no How much time have you got?

I can't believe you said that Don't take your finger out of the dyke. What? What? Go on, please. Go on. That's inappropriate. What the hell is this?

You're talking about fingering and lesbians on the podcast. It's disgusting. No. It's like a dyke is in a dam. And I'm saying. Please. Oh, Vaughan, you can't let her start. Guys, if we want to pop off in Australia, we need to keep her on side. Stop talking about having fingers and darts.

You're actually a bit much these days, Vaughn. You're actually a bit much. You're going to lose it all one day. I'm going to call it now. Vaughn Smith will lose it all one day. He's on the brink. Any day now. It'll be nice.

Lose it all, have a sleep in. If you do get cancelled, you will on the brink. Any day now. Oh, it'd be nice. It'd be nice. Lose it all, have a sleep in. Lose my mind. If you do get cancelled, you will get sleep ins, though. Yeah, I know. So they're... But he'll also lose his beautiful wife and his two daughters. What do you think of that? Why do you think they'll leave it?

They're taking you for half your worth, mate, and getting the hell out of your toxic environment. They get unfiltered Smith all the time. In fact, they'll probably leave the cancellation. Jesus. Yeah, they probably will. Okay, I've got to get home. How many cummels is that?

Oh, my God. Yes. He did it, ladies and gentlemen. He did it. He did it. He did it. Hey. See, you all assumed that he was going to do the accent because he's based in Saudi Arabia, but that doesn't mean that he is.

No. Seeing Hayley's reaction to that was just the best. I was like, what's happening? Where the fuck did this come from? Oh, God, You're free from us Onwards Enjoy We'll miss you so much

Love you all Thanks toddy listeners I'll join in You said you'd join you don't know the words I don't know the words This is more offensive than the sound You said you joined, you don't know the words. I don't know the words. This is more offensive than the Saudis. Shivers, guys.

10 out of 10 podcast, that one. Yeah. I think two of us were 10 out of 10 and one of us wasn't. Or who was that? Which one? We'll just leave that. We'll just leave that there. Well, if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rating and review.

Please do. Unless it's a bad one oh yeah don't bother yeah no don't don't bother ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley