ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 2nd September 2022

Episode Date: September 1, 2022

Psychic Billboard  Top 6: Blackmarket Crayfish  Silly Little Poll!  Unique Body Features  Beige Flags  Vaughans Motorway Pitstop The Daddy Dip  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Download the McDonald's app and earn rewards on your coffee. I'm being a real company woman today, aren't I? I did not think you were saying company. I'm being a real company woman. I am. We're done for the week. It's Friday, and you guys are off to enjoy your weekends.

And I'm off to a corporate company retreat just overnight. To entertain the masses, to entertain the clients. I did just sort of read through the email. So there's clients, there's partners and all that, coming for a little wine and dine and a little shoulder rub in Napier. And I got a little rundown of where I'm staying and where I'm expected to be at what time, what time they're picking me up.

And then it says, your job tonight. Oh, what do you have to do? Mix and mingle. Oh, yeah, is that all? I love to mix and mingle. Those are my two least favourite things. No, I'm a mixer and a mingler. Yeah, that's why you're going, not Vaughan and I,

because we got invited to one of these and we mixed and mingled, but people got too loud and they stood too close to me and I did not like it. Yeah. I do not like it, Sam, I am. I do not like you. So close to my face.

And an informal evening of fine wines and canapes at a beautiful winery in the Hawke's Bay. Oh, you're going to get too pissed, aren't you? Do you reckon? No, I'm going to behave myself.

It's my first one. And then I was like, oh, that's fine. I love a mix and a mingle. Should be absolutely all right. I'll pop a frock on. And then I see later there will be some informal speeches halfway through the night. This person will speak first, and then they'll introduce you. And I was like, to do what?

And then, Hayley, do you want to talk about what you love about NZME since joining? What you love about radio? A funny radio story. Keep it light, comedic and informal. There you go. You talk about how you were rocking one BSA complaint a day there for a while. Yeah, we'll talk about that. That's quite good.

Yeah. Yeah. You got a few complaints the other day, didn't you? For dropping a sweary. I didn't say bitch. I think I said bitch. You said bitch. I'm pretty fast and loose with bitch. Yeah, right. I didn't say bitch. I think I said bitch. You said bitch. I'm pretty fast and loose with bitch.

Yeah, right. I wouldn't call someone a bitch. I'd be like, oh, maybe one of you guys, but I wouldn't. What, you'd call one of us a bitch? You silly bitch. I would call you a bitch.

100%. I'd just call you a silly goose. Why don't you say something like silly goose? From here on out, I will keep my insults primarily to poultry. Yeah. Okay, great. You bloody dilly duck. Yeah, yeah. Rid primarily to poultry. Yeah. Okay, great. You bloody dilly duck.

Yeah, yeah. Ridiculous rooster. Yeah. So yeah, I'm giving an informal speech. Any tips for these sort of client mix and mingles? No, you'll be fine. Smile and nod. Just smile, yeah.

Smile and nod. Eat as much as you can. The food's good. The food's great. Because it's a craggy range, right? Yeah, craggy range. Oh, we love craggy range. I love craggy range.

At the foot of the drain to peak. Do they do a good pain au noir? They do a good pain au range, right? Yeah, craggy range. Oh, we love craggy range. I love craggy range. At the foot of the ranges. Do they do a good pinot noir? They do a good pinot noir, don't they? Oh, I'm not a red. Oh, you can't put them in the reds. They bottle somebody else's pinot noir. They buy the grapes. I think they only grow whites there.

Oh. And you can't put me on the red wines at a corporate event, guys. Well, yeah, because you get that, your teeth stain, your lips go purple. I get a little bit warm inside, a little bit jolly and handsy. Well, good luck with that. Well, thanks so much, guys. I'll give you an update. I want to know what wine they grow there.

Penigree? Yeah, it's definitely a white, eh? It's good wine. Or Savvy? It's good wine. Maybe they've got a Gewürztraminer? Oh, we love a Gewürztraminer. Heaven forbid a Chinon Blanc.

Oh, oui, wee, wee. I'm not going to drink too much, I promise. I promise. You've just named five wines that I think you're going to have five of each. You better have one of each. That's only five wines. I'll be fine. Five squared.

25 wines. 25. Clay, Zed-Ems, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Oh, I didn't clear my throat before the show. That's froggy, are you? Because Warren was recording a video,

so we had to be quiet in the background. We were being quiet. Quiet in the background. Shout out to my OnlyFans, getting a little Friday morning content. Yeah. You need to zip your pants up, man. What is your OnlyFans?

What is your, like, you know, like, what's your angle? What do I provide? Yeah. I reckon you do that, like, you know, like what's your angle? What do I provide? Yeah. I reckon you do that like hot lumberjack thing. Cutting wood. That's nice of you to say.

Daddy's cutting wood. Yeah, and then people sign up and they don't even get to see any nudes. Nah, it's just like you and the Star Wars jumper.

Yeah, well they didn't have a dad. It really concentrates on dad issues and people who didn't grow up with a dad and then I just like do stuff that dads do. Like chores. That they might have missed out on. Right. Yeah, my mother-in-law's upper up with a dad and then I just like do stuff that dads do

like chores they might have missed out on right yeah my mother-in-law so your only fans is just like being a father figure yeah but just virtually

right just doing boring stuff that like as a kid I spent a lot of time watching my dad do worth $9.99 a month I'll tell you that

yeah you can pay extra and you'll take them to the dump yeah yeah take them on a live trip to the dump. Yeah.

Brilliant. Top tier. You get to see me walk out of the shower naked. Yay! Yeah, but like I've forgotten you've got friends over. Yeah. Dads were famous for that. Walk out.

Christine, have you seen, God, Jesus, you've got mates over, have you? G'day, everybody. Sorry about that. But have you seen Mattel? That sort of thing. All right, coming up on the show this morning, your chance to dip into the daddy dip.

All kinds of prizes after eight this morning. For Father's Day, the top six is coming up soon. Yeah, the top six signs you've got are black market crayfish. It's probably a good time to remind everybody that you can't sell, like, seafood or fish or whatever you fish out without the appropriate licence.

Oh. Like, because people are just chucking this on Marketplace. Yeah. And that's not wild. You cray, what have you got? You can do the old swapsies, can't you? You've got your cup of cray. Oh, I've got your, God, I've got a spare bloody swapper crate right here somewhere.

Where do you have that? I'll swap that for a gurnard. You can do a swapper. Is that a loophole, though? Like, oh, I've got a cray. Oh, I'll swap you. I've got a $60. Yeah.

And you can have that. Yeah, I'll swap you for a pile of cash. I've got these pesky little notes. Yeah. Yeah. You can have. All right. Well, the top six dealing with that soon.

Also, 7 o'clock this morning, hide in 660. We're going to choose a location. No, no. What? Hide in 660. It's your chance to win tickets to see 660. We're going to choose a location somewhere in New Zealand, and if you're nearby.

It's been chosen. Go down. I know where it is already. Do you? I was listening we'll give you the close at 7 to win tickets

but if you want to know early subscribe to my OnlyFans for when you do throw your daddy needs yeah where in about 5 minutes I'm going to be opening the curtains in your room

telling you you've wasted half the day whipping off the cover yeah get up get up half the day's gone you're missing the best part

of the day classic gone You're missing the best part of the day Classic dad behaviour on Yeah Only dads Only dads Next on the show A woman got back at her insurance company They denied her claim

And so she showed them exactly why she needed it This is actually quite a full on story And I apologise for doing it this early in the morning So there is a comedian she does a lot of writing and voice work for Adult Swim you know who do the like cartoons for adults

and her name is Sandy Honig and she has a chronic stomach condition. It is called gastroparesis, and basically what it is is a condition in her stomach that means that she can't hold on to food. So basically anything that she eats, she vomits. Oh, that would suck.

I know. Because you'd have the most nicest meals. Yeah, and then it would really ruin it coming back up. Yeah. Because you can always taste a little bit of the meal when it's coming out. Right. Yeah. But, yeah.

I remember, I can't eat two-minute noodles. Because when I was like six years old, I ate two-minute noodles for dinner and orange juice. And I can still remember the feeling. Oh, but that's acidicic orange juice is horrible to have. Yeah. But with the noodles that hadn't digested yet, I remember the like, of the noodles

all coming up. And ever since, I'm 32 years old. This was when I was six. I've never been able to eat them again. Anyway, so this horrible condition. So she went to her insurance company because there is a procedure that she can get which involves a treatment of Botox

in one of the, in her pyloric sphincter, the muscle that connects the stomach to the small intestine. So they, what, they inject the muscle? Yeah, because the muscle is basically going like this too much, like contracting and squeezing all the food out. Right. So she's vomiting. So if you relax it with Botox, the food will be able to pass through.

Right. And make it down to the anus. Yeah. But instead it's coming up and out. So she went to her insurance company and said, like, this will totally change my life. I cannot keep my food down. And they denied her.

And she kept applying and applying and applying. They denied, denied, denied. And she's like, well, how am I going to get them to listen to see how bad this is? So she made a viral video that has gone viral. It's had hundreds and hundreds of thousands of views. And what it is, is she's got a letter with her sort of case in an envelope and she tries to go into the building or the massive like headquarters of her insurance company and they deny her access.

And then so she just films herself vomiting outside and she like it's just constant she's just trying to like get people's attention and then she just chucks up everywhere and has it worked? No they haven't approved it. Not yet. Has it worked yet and then there's this like really fancy car that

pulls up and she's like well this has got to be the CEO and so she walks over and she's like do you work here and he's like yes and she said I'm trying to get this letter inside he said no I can't do that and she's like, well, this has got to be the CEO. Yeah. And so she walks over and she's like, do you work here? And he's like, yes. And she said, I'm trying to get this letter inside. He said, no, I can't do that. And she goes, oh. Blech.

It's like this car. And then he zooms off. And then someone else comes out and they said, look, you can post your letter. You know what she does in the envelope? Vom's in there. Wow. She's a little vom in the envelope.

It's pretty grotty, but also like... What are you going to do, man? But also, if you're paying a fortune for health insurance and there is a thing to help you with the biggest health issue you have and they're like... But a lot of them are just for profit, aren't they? So if they can deny you... And a reminder, this is in America,

so no public health care system. No way for her to get it done. It's an expensive procedure. She can't afford to do that. And yeah, now her insurance that she does pay for is denied her. So that's one way to get your attention. All right, 12 past six. Next on the show, I've got a story that'll really tickle you, Vaughn.

Ooh. Okay, good. I like that. Tickle. Wow. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. Well, a billboard's appeared in Manchester in the UK. It just says, psychic wanted, you know where to apply.

And next to it, there's a green, like a fluoro green triangle. Oh, Luminati. And that's all it says. Really? That's funny. I knew this would tickle you especially, Vaughan, because, yeah. You love a psychic. You love a psychic. You love a psychic.

Love a psychic. But is it a psychic medium? Because they talk to spirits. So the spirits will need to work out who this guy is. The cynical side of me also thinks, could this be some kind of marketing stunt? It perhaps could be. But apparently people have looked into it

because the billboard has tickled a lot of people. And the billboard companies say a single man approached them and splashed cash on it. So it's not like a corporate... It doesn't seem like it's any kind of marketing stunt or anything. It's just a good gag and he didn't know what to do with it. He didn't have the right platform and he thought, this has got billboard written all over it.

Psychic wanted it and the idea is if the psychic's good enough, they'll get in touch with him because there will be no contact details necessary. That's not how it works. Explain to me how it works. I know you love a psychic. Do you remember when

Calvin Cruikshank came on our show? Yeah. I think that was in season one and we got the hard word from the producers like, our show. Yeah. I think it was in season one. And we got the hard word from the producers, like, be nice. Yeah. You know, he's accepted being a guest on the show. And we will host him graciously and respectfully. And I'd say it would have been tough out there for him.

I'd say Ursula Carlson went harder than you did. Yeah, no, I just decided to not say anything, really. Can't say anything nice. Don't say anything at all. Well, he already knows what you're thinking, though. Yeah. Well, no, my granddad would tell him what I was thinking. My deceased grandfather. How does your grandfather know?

Is he in your head? He's there. Exactly. How does he know? He comes out of the ground and talks to him. Comes out of the ground? Yeah, they Comes out of the ground Yeah they just kind of Rise up And talk to him

I have a I Look I'm not judging anyone But I don't believe in Psychics Yeah Or their ability

But I have a friend Who is like No no no I have this ability What was that When we did the Ciladr poll Only a few weeks ago about this.

Do you believe in ghosts? Wasn't it like, yeah, 40, 50% believe? Absolutely. In ghosts. And every now and then I'll see my friend, who I trust, you know, like I know that she wouldn't be trying to like pull one over. Yeah.

And she'll come up to me and she's like, I reckon this is like, you're going to have a good week. Wait, so what's her, because there's different ones as well. There's the ghost talkie, there's the future teller, there's the cards reader, there's the tea leaves person. She does a bit of card reading, but she also does, like tarot cards.

Does like, I'm getting a feeling that you are going to meet someone or you're going to meet someone at work or you're going to. Of course you're going to meet someone at work. There's literally to... Of course you're going to meet someone at work. There's literally 400 people in this building. But she wasn't wrong. I've met you, you know. You do meet people at work, don't you, quite famously. Yeah.

Whether you like it or not, you meet these people. She did say I was going to have a good year. Although the other day you did swear black and blue that the hotel we were checking into in Palmerston North... I saw a ghost. I didn't see it when we were there last time

but the time before that when I went there was a ghost I remember I went in and I said to the guy at the reception last time I was here I saw a ghost

yeah he really didn't know how to take that no he didn't he was like here it was almost like you were telling him that you'd gone into the room

in the bathroom had it been cleaned properly he didn't know whether or not to apologise for it I'm so sorry. Did you see the life drain from his face when he realised that you weren't giving a good TripAdvisor review? Yeah.

I'm sorry, the ghost was at, was it polite at least? Yeah. Next on the show, the top six. Yeah, the top six signs you have black market seafood. Yeah, this is a problem. Yeah. Apparently. And I'll remind you next,

you can't do that. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. He's just purchased an $8 million monstrosity. He has. It was a Grand Designs house. Called the most boring mansion ever. Yeah.

Something like that. Overlooking Devon, the beach in Devon. The house. Did it used to be a lighthouse or something? I think they've called it the lighthouse, but I think they... It was built from the ground up.

I think they built it, yeah. It really looks like something that was adapted from something else. It looks like some 90s monstrosity. So 90s. Yeah. The 90s are back, I guess. I don't know if they are architecturally. Maybe Harry's got a vision.

Maybe Harry's got a vision. If I had $8 million, there's so many nicer places. $8 million or £8 million? Well, maybe that was US, the story I was reading. Right, so more along the lines of $13, $14 million New Zealand. New Zealand, yeah. God, if I had that money, the things I would buy. You wouldn't buy that, would you?

I'd buy a pony. But that's just me. How much are ponies? I'd buy a donkey. You'd buy a donkey? Yeah, you? I'd buy a pony. But that's just me. How much are ponies? I'd buy a donkey. You'd buy a donkey? Yeah, but tell everybody it's a pony. Why are you buying cheap things? You've got like $13 million.

Take it to the races. Take it to the races. I've got a fine horse here. But you want to put your money on my pony. See? From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there.

Auckland Pear have received a community detention of a black market crayfish. They have, however, avoided the maximum sentence of $250,000 fine. Goodness. The illegal buying, selling, or possession of fish carries a maximum sentence of quarter of a million dollars. Goodness. That is quarter times 15. That is one 90th of a Harry Styles mansion.

I was like, what maths is this? It's terrible maths. Apparently, the crayfish were caught in Hawke's Bay, in Mahia. And then they were going to sell them on the black market. So the black market is anywhere that you've got to have a license. That's not the official channel, yeah. That's right. You've got to have a fish shop, a fish market.

Or you've got to have the correct licensing to be able to catch, commercially catch, and then sell any form of seafood. So any fish you see on Facebook Marketplace, steer clear. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, right. Okay. Yeah, absolutely. They were very lucky. They also had to relinquish the car they used to transport the crayfish

because they caught them in Hawke's Bay selling them in Auckland. And did they seize their car? Yeah, because they were pretty smells anyway. Yeah, it would be so pongy. Somebody would be buying that at a police auction. Or it was a ute with a big ice tray in the back. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But I've got the top six signs you're buying black market crayfish. Okay. Number six on the list of the top six signs you're buying black market crayfish. Okay. Number six on the list of the top six signs you're buying black market crayfish. The crayfish is pulling west side with its claws. West side. Big giveaway. All right. You're doing it like proper west side where you cross over the middle finger,

the ring finger, and then use your index and your pinky. They're just using the pinches to form one W in the middle. Yeah. That makes sense. It's got a real attitude on its face while it does it. Yeah, if it was in Hawke's Bay,

that's East Coast. Yeah. East side. Might be a bit harder for it. Just like the W on the side. Yeah, a bit harder if you're a crayfish. Number five on the list

of the top six signs you're buying black market crayfish. When you crack open the crayfish, it's actually just full of little bags of drugs. Little tinnies. Yeah. Plastic bags full of... Yeah. Also, all array of drugs.

Stuffed fish. You know, with chilli and lime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, you stalkies. But not a black market. No, not a... Fish, no. No.

Crumbled up MDMA fish. No, no, thank you. It might taint it. Number four on the list of the top six signs you're buying a black market crayfish. If you look close enough, the label actually says Croyfish. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

That's how they get you in some of the markets overseas, Southeast Asia. Oh, absolutely. I think you're buying the legit thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Number three on the list of the top six signs you're buying black market crayfish. The Louis Vuitton logos on the crayfish don't line up perfectly. Oh, that's how you can tell.

That's how you can tell. Yeah. The seam, it's always right in the middle. Honestly, people can have a cheap Louis Vuitton handbag. I would never know. I wouldn't know the difference. I would never know. They know.

Yeah, they know. Because their bank balance has gone down so much. Yeah. Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six signs you're buying black market crayfish, your mate came back from Bali with it and swears it's real. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. They got it. Where'd you get it? Well, I got it from Bali, but I got it from a legit place in Bali. I got it from a place with air conditioning and a door. Yeah. People might not know, but you've just recently been to Bali. Should we talk about that? I went to Bali recently. We can touch on it. I mean, I, but you've just recently been to Bali. Should we talk about that?

I went to Bali recently. We can touch on it. I mean, I feel like you definitely haven't. Were all the stores open with all the cheap stuff? Yeah, lots of places closed, to be fair. Yeah, right. But plenty open. Rocking a focaccia.

So you can still get a Louis Vuitton, some Clavin Cleans. Yeah, a glucci. Yeah. All of my favourite brands are backing out there. And number one on the list of the top six signs you're buying black market crayfish, it's room temperature. Yuck. Yeah, don't buy it.

Don't be buying room temperature crayfish. No. No, no, no, no, no. That's today's top six. I like you. I do. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's. Trying to sign in. Oh, yep. Nah, save my details.

Man, that came in handy. It'll save me having to like press remember password, email me password, et cetera, et cetera. Rings of Power. I was logging on to Prime Video to tell you season one. Let me click. See if you could watch it right now. Should we just like play a few songs?

Why don't we play the Oxcord in? The sound would be good in here. It's out today. Some big speakers. Oh, you know, Eps Zero. So these are just like, these are just the trailers. Oh, right. So not out yet by the trailers.

But it is out today. You should be able to sit down this evening and watch the first episode of the Lord of the Rings, the Rings of Power TV series. There's been lots of controversy around this because, well, I mean in terms of New Zealand because it was filmed here. Well, someone did elf face, didn't they?

They did elf face. If there's going to be an elf, an elf should play the role. Agreed. Do you know what I mean? You certainly won't find Any opposition to that statement here They put on prosthetic ears It was so

It's not right It wasn't good It wasn't good No but of course It was filmed in New Zealand And then It was whisked away They took it away

And said season two Will be filmed in London It started filming Ages ago Like when did it Because it filmed out by you Didn't it? They put up all the containers

And hid everything from view. Yeah, they were building these amazing village sets. And it was during lockdown. Yeah, and was that the reason they took it away? It was a bit of a tax break thing. Cheaper in London, but also we had a lot of lockdown rules. We were so restricted, yeah. Whereas I think at the time, places like London were just going,

yeah, you know, we'll just get sick and just keep working. Yeah. They were just letting old people die. Yeah. Yeah. And their thousands. By the thousands. Yeah.

So, yeah, it's finally out. I wonder if it's going to be one of those things that, you know. The suspense? Yeah. Has it been too long or too big a build up? I don't know. Looking at the trailers. It it been turned longer to a bigger build-up? I don't know. Looking at the trailers. It looks epic.

It does. And early reviews as well. But they're kind of all over the show. Some are like, it's amazing. Dividing critics. Yeah.

Bold and epic to staggeringly bad. But what are we comparing it to? Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit series? You know what I mean? Yeah.

Because if you're comparing it to Lord of the Rings, nothing's ever going to stack up. But if you're comparing it to Lord of the Rings, nothing's ever going to stack up. But if you're comparing it to The Hobbit... Hey! I've just seen part of the village that I saw being built in one of the promo photos.

The thatched roof. Yeah, because you used to peep over the walls, didn't you? Yeah, I reckon I was the reason. I was going to put the drone up too. You were holding an iPhone like this and just taking... I always thought I should have put the drone up. Right. Illegally the drone up. Right. Illegally, of course.

And then leaked the photos online using an anonymous burn or Reddit account and just get them out there to show people. Because you never saw the behind the scenes. But I guess that'll be when the series ends, they'll release one of those How They Made It documentaries. Because they kept it so secret, the whole thing. There'll be loads of Kiwis in this, eh? Yeah, my friend's in it.

And he's one of my closest friends and I am terrible at keeping secrets. If I get a job and I sign something that says don't tell anyone, I'm like hey guys, don't tell anyone. What are they going to do? She said they can sue me for like two million dollars. I don't have

two million dollars. You won't tell. You tell one more person and it stays within that circle. But he was so good, I'd say to him, because he told us he got cast because they announced. And he was like, I've been cast in this thing. And I was like, great. Do you have a big role? I can't tell you. What do you mean?

But that automatically says yes. And then he had to grow out his hair. Oh, he's an elf. And so I was like, elf. He's doing elf face. He's doing elf face. And then I said, are you an elf? And he said, I can't tell you.

And I was like, yes you can! He didn't even tell you, one of his best friends. Even though I did just declare it on ear that I can't keep a secret. Yeah, you can see why. They were under such wraps. He couldn't tell me if he died, if he had a decent role, what kind of role he had, who else

he was working with. Also, a billion dollar production and they couldn't buy this guy a wig? No, the poor thing had to live with very dorky hair for a long time. Also, a billion dollar production and they couldn't buy this guy a wig? They're like, grow your hair out, we'll wait. No, the poor thing had to live with very dorky hair for a long time. And when you look at the cast, it's like Game of Thrones. There are a lot of people in this show. So many. Different families, different kind of armies, different groups, different species.

I'm excited. But yeah, his life's about to change, isn't it? I know. I keep checking his social media and going on and he's not famous, too famous yet that he won't reply to me. When do you think that will happen?

2,800 followers on Instagram. Wow. Is that all he's got at the moment? Yeah. That's about to pop off, I think. Is he hot? And then when is he going to

like not talk to you? He's handsome. I don't know. I reckon we're days away. Days away from being cut out of his life. Is he hot? And then when is he going to Like not talk to you? He's handsome I don't know I reckon we're days away Days away from Cut out of his life The moment his fame Surpasses mine

You're gone His context's off It's over Play ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley Thank you Fletchvorn and Hayley Silly little po

Silly little po It is so silly, silly, silly Today's silly little poll. Do you write with a black pen or a blue pen? I couldn't believe when I voted in this. I was like, this will be so one-sided. I mean, a lot of the time, what pen is around? Yeah, I write with whatever pen's there. To scribble a note down. Yeah.

Heck, I'll write in a red if I'm in a hurry. Yeah. And that's all that's there. But let's say you're on your way to your friend's house. Yeah. Or out for dinner with your friend. It's their birthday and you've got them a little card. Black. Black. Oh, my God, black you've got them on a little card. Black.

How embarrassing to write a birthday card in blue. If I'm ever buying pens, it's black. But we are in a minority. Do you prefer to write with a blue or black pen, 62% the majority, blue. 38% black.

Blue is one of my favourite colours, but not for a pen. It's black. I mean blue's one of my favourite colours but not for a pen. Not for a pen. It's absurd. Black. It goes with everything. Why blue? Our next pen

basically little poll is do you like a thick nib or a thin nib? Oh I love those like really inky thick nibs. I can't do ink.

I'm left handed. Because you write and the ink is wet and you smear it with your hand so you can't. You drag your devilish demon hand through it. Why wasn't that

beaten out of you as a child? I don't know. PC madness? I don't know. PC gone mad. Yeah, right. Made me a good pianist but it made the rest of my life very hard. But why blue? Like, why was blue the pen colour? Is there a story behind that? Would it be the most popular pen colour?

I would have thought black ink would have been the first ink, right? But Indian ink, like traditional Indian ink, is a blue. It's like a rich navy, almost black. Indian ink is like a deep, deep, deep, deep midnight blue. What was it made out of?

Blue powder. Because I know that blue and purple were always the colour of royalty because it was a hard colour to get, to dye clothes that colour. It was like drawn from some sort of crab. Here you go.

Before photocopiers or printers existed, copies were made with carbon paper, a different colour than black, such as blue, which would make it evident that the document was original. So make it evident that it had been handwritten and not printed. Ah. Okay. Okay.

It would stand out more as being handwritten. Some people as well saying online that blue is more of a mesmerising colour and that if you were doing like notes for study. Yeah, they do say to use colour. That, you know, that gets imprinted into your mind more. Right. But it's not classy. Also, who's using a green pen?

Why does green exist? Why does it even exist? Green's there for decorative purposes. No. For a little flourish. Red is errors. Red underline. Green is because we've just been told that that's what we write flourish. Red is errors. Red underline. Green is because

we've just been told that that's what we write with. Yeah, black's the best option. Black because you're calling it classy. But green, keep out. Well, what else? It's a four-sided pen.

You need one more. Just have a three-sided pen. Do two blacks, one blue and a red. Do you remember the three-sided pens from childhood, the triangle ones

that you had? Yes. And those were always a thick nib. Those were always good. Those were a big, hoony nib. Thick hold in your hand. Those were always a thick nib. Those were always good. Those were a big, hoony nib. Thick nib, man. Big, hoony, thick nib.

We have some feedback. Okay. Julie says blue is for babies. That's how I feel. Julie's shooting from the hip, and I couldn't agree with her more. Yeah. You don't type on a computer in blue.

Yeah. Well, I mean, you can change the settings. If you run out of black ink. Yeah. That's the only time. You wouldn't. I used to always print in blue at high school. If you run out of black ink. Yeah. That's the only time. You wouldn't. I used to always print in blue at high school because I'd run out of black ink. What, are you mad?

Adorable Felix says, I write in black. It's just so much more grown up than blue. It is, yeah. Blue is for babies. Blue is for babies. Julia says, blue. My dad always used to tell me he only uses a black pen for condolence cards. And so that has stuck with me all my uses a black pen for condolence cards.

And so that has stuck with me all my life. That's not a rule. Yeah. Oh, that seems like. Morbid messages. I like to use felts for my condolence cards. I was going to say. Use highlighters. You want to make someone feel nice in this bad time.

Sorry for your loss. Hit them with a black font. That's where you rainbow. Pink felts and highlighter flowers and stuff. Brittany says, I don't care to be honest. I lose pens all the time and I'm lucky to have one on my desk. Right. Well, we can't be held accountable for this fast and loose, Brittany.

Yeah. Oh, Caitlin. I reckon she's a thick nib. Black and I only prefer one type of pen. Only sold at Whitcalls and it costs $5 a pen. Ridiculous. I'd like to know what kind of pen that is. Oh, I want to know what kind of pen.

Caitlin, Katie Margaret, can you please send us a photo of said pen? Because it sounds... So I've got some really good pens that I got from Warehouse Stationery. Black, flowing... Oh, blah, blah, blah. They're so flowing, aren't they? I bought myself a nice pen from there. They're so good.

Yeah. I like the... Yeah, there's a certain type. It's got a click top, kind of round, domey click top. Thin in pen, but thick in nib. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know the ones? They're kind of see-through.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stabilo? Thick nib. Thick nib. Stabilo. Is it stabilo pens? Amy says blue. Ooh, black pen, yuck.

I'll actively seek out blue pens. Extra points if they have a cap. A cap? Oh, so she likes having a cap on. No, I like to click and retract. Kate says blue, but technically I'm not allowed to write with either because I never got my pen licence. Well, I don't remember getting mine either, Kate,

but you know what? I haven't been pulled over on the side of the refill once. There you go. And if they tried to pull me over, I'd try to make an escape. I reckon, in conclusion, blue is for babies. Yeah, fair call. I know I'm speaking on behalf of the minority. Blue is for babies.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Stephen Sanchez, Until I Found You on ZM. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley, it's 11 past seven. Romantic, isn't it? We were all slow dancing in here. You can't see it, but we were having a beautiful wee waltz. And then Fletch landed in for a kiss and I was like, whoa! I was too.

We misread that. Yeah, he misread that. Right. I'm going to bring the mood up with some Doja Cat in minutes. Oh, Doja. Get this Friday party started. I'm going to wake myself up with this coffee. It was a beautiful dance, though.

Well, here's a fun story for you. There is a woman who has an OnlyFans account and she is making a lot of money from it. And you hear this all the time. People make an absolute bank on the app. Absolutely. I have considered it. But I don't know what

my like thing, my unique selling point would be. My what? That's business speak. I wasn't going to show my oosp. You wouldn't. I was going to keep it classic. If you're going to make money, I'll show you your oosp.

But this woman here has a unique body feature. She has two breasts. Both of them are significantly different size. This is very normal to have two different sized boobies. But the difference is significant. Right. have two different sized boobies, but one, I mean, like the difference is significant. Right. One you would call petite and one you would call voluptuous.

And that's a unique selling point that people find, like they're signing up to her owning fans to see this. Absolutely. So this is something like as she was growing up, she was noticing as she was developing, the boobs were developing at different rates and she was like beside herself,

you know, so embarrassed about it. The doctors recommended that she got surgery to either shrink one or put an implant in the other and she was like, I don't know if I want to do that.

I'm going to think about it. And then after a while, she was like, it doesn't bother me. I actually think it's quite fun. And so she has made a feature of it. Well, want to do that. I'm going to think about it. And then after a while she was like, it doesn't bother me. I actually think it's quite fun. And so she has made a feature of it. Well, you could do that thing where you could, you know, occasionally you'll see in a talent show,

they'll come out and they'll only be on the side and they're a bride and then they spin around and they're a groom. And then she could do the thing where she's playing two characters. When does that happen on a talent show? I don't know that I've seen this bride and groom. No, no, no. They sing like a two person song Oh, right

Don't go breaking my heart Chugga chugga turn If it couldn't if I tried You should do this Oh honey when I'm in a breakfast Maybe I'll have the time And this happens so much But instead of being a bride and groom, one side is...

She could just be playing two female characters. A curvy woman and the other one is a boy and a bride. Wouldn't that be awful for like buying bras? Yeah, it is. That would be impossible. She gets custom made bras or if she wants to find like a normal one, she'll buy the bigger size for the bigger boob and then put in a little fillet. I think I'd get one reduced.

Yeah, I mean... But I mean, if she's making money off of it now. She's making money off of it. I think I'd get one reduced. Yeah, I mean... But, I mean, if she's making money off of it now... Now she's making money off of it. She's making money off of it. She's embracing it and she's showing them off and people are absolutely loving it. She's making bank. What does she do on her OnlyFans?

Just show them. She just talks, but she's in like a little bra. Yeah. And then, you know, people just love them. It's a unique selling point, isn't it? It is a unique selling point. And I want to know from our listeners, if you have a unique... What's your unique selling point?

What's your unique selling point? No, what's your unique... It's my charisma. No, what's your unique body part? Maybe you've got an extra something. I've got an extra tooth. Where? I've got five down the bottom.

Oh, you do too. I'm not laughing. How many are you supposed to have? But they're five down the bottom. Oh, you do too. I'm not laughing. How many are you supposed to have? But is it just, they're just not centered? No, one's in the center. Have you been told by a dentist? One's in the center. So I just went to the dentist recently and they've got their little computer and they pop in the teeth number.

Yeah. Did you crash your computer? It's got like an E, B, you know? They can put another one in for you. Yeah, they just put another one in. That is wild. And then because I got one taken out to make room for it when I got braces. Where did they take the one out from?

Right down her back. Oh, so now you've got the same number of teeth. Yeah, but not the same number of type of teeth. Oh, wow. So I've got five of the little whatever they are, and the molars, I've got one left. Well, there's people famously with third nipples. Third nippies.

You know, Tom Cruise has the off-centre tooth. That's right. Doesn't he have three front teeth? Basically, three front teeth. I've never noticed that about Tom Cruise. You will not unnotice it. Well, he used to, when he first got into acting, he didn't have great teeth, and I think he got them straightened,

but one was in the middle. So one's in the middle. The gap's not in the middle. The tooth is in the middle. Oh, yeah. Now, I'm never going to unsee that. You never will. I will never unsee that now.

Maybe you're listening and you're one of those people that has a twin attached to them. A little like one that you absorbed in their womb. A little like poking through, you attached to them. A little like one that you like absorbed in their womb. A little like poking through, you know? Right. A little paw. You've got a little cyst full of teeth. Or a tail.

Okay, well 0800DARLSATM, give us a call. You can text as well, 9696. What is your unique body part? We are wanting to know your unique body feature. We're celebrating them. We're celebrating them, man, because a woman is doing just that. She's an OnlyFans account where she is celebrating her vastly

different sized breasts. From a, I think it was like a B to a double D. Like, very different. But she's celebrating them and we want to celebrate yours. You know what's cute as heck, but not everybody's got them? What? Those dimples at the bottom of the back. Oh my god. Yes. They were real sexy in the early 2000? Those dimples at the bottom of the back. Oh, my God.

Yes. They were real sexy in the early 2000s. Well, that's because of the low-rise jeans, and then the black G would pop up above the white. The whale's tail. The white jeans and sit just below the back dimples. It was a real sexy early 2000s combo. Yeah, it was. It still gets many a dad going.

Sean, you've got an extra. This is your son has a unique body feature. Yeah, my son was born with an extra thumb. So one, two, three, four, thumb, thumb. Yeah. Next feature. Both working, both working, both their bones in them. Oh, wow.

What kind of angle was it? Because if you look at the angle from your thumb to your index finger, it's almost 90 degrees, you know? Yeah, it's almost 90 degrees, you know? Like you can open... Yeah. What? It's exactly the same in that he can move one down and lift up one up. He moves up one down, lifts up one up. Oh, my God.

It's a total extra. And so, still got it? We got it removed when he was about three. Wow. I guess it would be hard because he'd never fit gloves. Well, you'd have to jam two... Well, it would have been good for hitchhiking.

Extra ride. Like double, double twice the ride. Telling someone you enjoyed something. Yeah. And so, can you tell now that he ever had an extra thumb? He's got a scar there, yep. That's amazing. And it worked as well. Are you sure he didn't absorb all of his twin

in the womb but the thumb? Because he's got another whole human being in her. Are we sure? Have we done a full body x-ray, Dad? Have we done a scan? Sean, thanks for your call. Katie, what's your unique body feature? I

have a funny toe on my right foot. A funny toe? Yes. So my first year of uni I was called Cliffhanger because my second toe on my right foot is hooked like that dinosaur claw. I can't even think

of what the dinosaur's called and my name is Cliffhanger because I could save myself by my toe. You've got a Velociraptor toe claw thing. Yeah, quite literally. Is it longer? No, it's like shrunk. It's like half the size of my big toe.

Oh, wow. So when I stand and I look down, it looks like I'm missing half my toes. And then if you get on the ground and look at my toes, all you see is the nail. It's completely hooked. So does that make it hard to wear some shoes? I just remember as a kid wearing Crocs and thinking, jeez, I can't even fit my bloody toe in here.

The Crocs doesn't have enough room for the toe. Wow. Wow. Would you ever consider getting it like broken and reset or you just live in life with the toe? I mean, I used to be really self-conscious about it and used to think that, but now I think,

make for a good photo in a pair of heels and sandals. You know, everyone's always bound to zoom in on my toe and post that. It's a good party trick. And also, it appears people will pay to see this on OnlyFans too, so I mean, that's an option as well. I tried to convince my boyfriend to, I said, how do you feel if I started selling photos of my feet,

specifically my cliffhanger? But it didn't go down well. It didn't go down well. I've got a username for you. What? Livin' La Vida Toe Claw. That's terrible. That's good.

I like it. I think it's great. Livin' La Vida. I'm going to remember that. Livin' La Vida Toe Claw. Katie, thanks. You called some messages in. Unique body parts. Quite a few people with the teeth thing. Live in La Vida. I'm going to miss that. Live in La Vida, 2 o'clock. Katie, thanks for your call. Some messages in.

Unique body parts. Quite a few people with the teeth thing. I was born with. The Tom Cruise thing. Yeah. Yeah. My front teeth are just like Tom Cruise's. I've got one centre front tooth and then one flanking each side. Huh.

I had three teeth grow out of the same spot. So when I lost my baby tooth, I grew a weird tooth that was twice as long as all the other teeth. A fang. And then I got dentist x-rays and they said that one's going to fall out as well. And then there's an adult tooth coming in behind it. Wow. So they have three. I would love to see this tooth.

Yeah. I'd love to see this long, twice as long. I hope the tooth fairy gave twice as much. Yeah, yeah. She'd pay up large for that. I don't have a belly button. What? What does that look like?

Some people get them removed. I don't know if they get infected. It's rare, but they can get, like, infected or you can get. But they must have had one for the umbilical cord. Yeah, for the umbilical in the sack. Yeah. The placenta. Someone said, I'm a 5'5 female and I've got size 12 feet.

Oh, wow. So she's got your size feet on a 5'5. Who around here is 5'5? Oh, wow. Yeah. We could probably share shoes. Has she got cool shoes? She's got nice shoes?

Probably. Yeah, right. I've just Googled people without belly buttons. It's like they've Photoshopped them off. Yeah, just plain skin. Huh. Well, a size 12, that's special shoes. They've got special shoe shops.

Yeah, if they want feminine shoes, yeah, then they get those. I had the correct number of baby teeth, but missing an adult tooth in order to notice where I was missing the adult tooth when I was getting braces. Huh. Wasn't going to come through. Yeah. So have they missing the adult tooth when I was getting braces. Huh. Wasn't going to come through.

Yeah. So have they kept the baby tooth? I don't know. Somebody else said I'm 49 and I still have a baby tooth. But they're so little and small. Yeah. They're so silly. Which one would it be?

You wouldn't want to be one of the main players. It's in the front tooth. It's just like a little wee. They're milk teeth too, right? They're like famously not meant to last. No, no, no. They're only around for a short while and then they drop out. Okay.

Wow. Well, we love all these bodies. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. It's the final rankings. All right. We do this every Friday. Friday, final rankings. It's final Friday, final Friday rankings. And today, we're going to rank our favourite days of the week.

One, Saturday. Two, Sunday. Three, Friday. Four, Thursday. Five, Wednesday, six, Monday, seven, Tuesday. Yeah. Seven Tuesday. I agree.

I actually agree with all of that. No, I don't. Because Tuesdays are worse than Mondays. Because Monday you're full of like, all right, I'm going to get like good new week. You're lying to yourself. You're lying to yourself. But you're really hitting the ground running for the week. You have a healthy breakfast always on a Monday Yeah, yeah, yeah

Start your thing on a Tuesday You're like, I'm hungry because I've eaten healthy And it's still so early in the week And you're like, I didn't recover at the weekend I didn't rest enough And it's caught up with me again The only thing I would change is I would put number one as Friday

For me because Because you still have to work Well, I mean, in my situation I still have to work on a Friday Yes, I mean, I still work on a Friday But I'm passionate about to work. Well, I mean, in my situation is I still have to work on a Friday. Yes, I mean, I still work on a Friday, but I'm passionate about the work that I do. I really, I enjoy it. It fulfills me. I just come here and it just...

It'll lose that, Sean. Give it 18 years. What? I'd almost put Friday above Sunday. I'd put Friday above Sunday because Sunday is a Saturday. You effing and jeffing over here, Sunday's a sleep in. Sunday's a roast here. Sunday's a sleep in. Sunday's a roast. No, Sunday's not a sleep in.

Named after sun. Marching boots on. Get your ass onto the field. No, so Friday. You desecrate the weekend by promising things to people. I do. But Friday, your whole weekend's ahead of you. Yeah, and you always have good nights on a Friday.

Always a good night on a Friday because you're like, end of the work week, let's have a blowout. Then Saturday is fun because you're like, oh, my God, I've still got Sunday. Sunday is not great. It's chores day as well. It's chores day. A lot of chores. I don't mind a chore.

I don't mind a chore. It's on your own time. It's your own chore. Mine goes Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Thursday, Wednesday, Monday, Tuesday. Yeah, I'd agree. Oh, well, there we go. I think we're quite in agreeance there today. That was easy.

Whether we like a Friday or a Saturday. A Friday or a Sunday. No, Sunday, you're number one. No, Saturday's your number one. Saturday's my number one. Yeah. Because you have Friday as your number one. Friday's our number one.

I've pulled you to the other side. Even though you agreed with Vaughn and now you're agreeing with me. He's a flip-flopper. He's a Friday flip-flopper. No, but I also love a good Friday blowout. Yeah. But you can have a blowout on a Saturday.

I know, but then you've only got Sunday. Saturday you can have a whole day blowout. We're pesky. Our work's not getting in the way. Yeah, but we finish work at like 10 o'clock in the morning.

I want to start my blowout at 7am. Can I? No, I can't. I've got to work. Right, today is the best day of the week. Yeah.

That's why I am smiling. Play. ZM's Flet best day of the week. Yeah. That's why I am smiling. Okay, we know that... I just pulled my chair in and it cracked me right in the back of the knee and it threw me off balance and it ruined my day. That's it. 40, huh? How's it going? Just loving it.

Now, of course, we know what red flags are. We're talking dating, dating terms. Red flags, that's your aggressive behaviours, your controlling behaviours. This is when you're dating, you're just getting to know someone. Avoid, avoid, avoid, avoid. You won't pay for all of dinner. It's less of a red flag for me.

Right. Maybe sort of like smokes a durry at dinner in a fancy restaurant, blows in your face and tells you you look ugly. Red flag. I am so attracted to this man. Yes, it's hot. I don't know why he's behaving like this. I think you could fix him.

Everyone has their own red flags, and he just needs a good woman. He just needs a good woman to sort him out, and I could be that woman. He could love me. His mother wasn't assertive enough, and I could be mummy that says no. I'm a strong woman,

and all he needs is a strong woman. And then with his green flags, the good things, when you're like, yes, yes, yes, this guy's ticking all my boxes. Now there is a new term. Why did you just put, can I just say behind the scenes, Hayley just put her finger, she just looked at her drink bottle. I saw it happening. It was like a child.

You looked at your drink bottle and looked away and then looked back and then just put your finger right in your drink bottle mouth hole. It was so inviting. That is a red flag. That's a red flag for me too. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. The new term is beige flags. Okay.

So they're not flaming red and they're not like go, go green. They are beige flags. So this looks like, and this is very familiar. I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I was on my friend's Tinder. She was telling me about some of the interactions she's been having. She was like, God, he's a bit cold. He's gone a bit cold. Right. And this is when you might ask them, like, how's your day going?

It's good. Oh, and you're getting nothing back. They're boring. They're boring. Beige stands for boring. They're dreary. What are you up to this weekend? Just chilling. That's all I was going to do. Yeah, I know, but you need to like give something. You're looking for a partner.

Just chillin'. Or, well, Friday night, D&D. Saturday, lawns. Probably do the hedges too. I've got a downspout to reconnect. No, but that tells me about who you are. Right. And I'm either into that or I'm not. You're not though. I'm not. I'm sorry. But I hardly got to tell the story about

the downspout reconnection. Oh my gosh. I got a new leaf catcher you to tell the story about the downspout reconnection. Oh, my gosh. I got a new leaf catcher, you see. Oh, no, no, no. It'll stop the leaves getting into the tank. What's the opposite to turned on? Closed up. Closed up. Dried up.

Shut up, shop. Shut up, shop. Scabbed over. Stitch it up. I don't want it. I don't need it. Anyway. Wow.

But this is, yeah, it's beige flags. And they're just, you need to pay attention to those as much as anything. Because someone, at least someone who's going to annoy the hell out of you or offend you, is still stimulating in some way. A beige flag is when you're... That sounds problematic. I'm being stimulated by this piece of work. I love a challenge.

The more red flags, the better. But then if you're going to get into a relationship with this person. There's the woman who demands five on-the-spot compliments from her fiancé at the drop of a hat. Tell me five things you like about my arms. I love a challenge. What from us?

Do you want us to do it? Good nails. Good ratio. Good forearm. Good forearm bicep ratio. Yep. Good-sized hands. Thank you. Yep. Good size hands, petite fingers. Oh, thank you.

I said good nails. You said good nails. Good nails. I like the way that they carry your jewellery. Is that a good one? That was absolutely strict. No, the jewellery. You like the way my hands carry my jewellery. No, the jewellery. You like the way my hands carry my jewellery?

No, the arms. When you held your arms up, I was like, your arms are really holding up all your bracelets. Thank you so much. So you're saying she's got a chunky wrist. Are you saying I've got chunky arms? You play the game of a compliment, and I'll show you how a woman will throw it in your face.

Okay, tell me one thing you like about my face. It's very proportionate. So you're saying the rest of her body is out of proportion. Honestly. I can do this. It's very symmetrical. I can do this all day. It's very symmetrical.

Tell me something you like about my hair. It's a great colour. How are you throwing? No, you can't throw that back in my face. It's a great colour. No, you can't throw that back in my face. It's a great colour. Not what you said last week when you were ogling that blonde. Yeah, there you go. If you can't immediately do it, you just throw them on the fire

for something that's six months ago. You're a red flag, Vaughn. Yeah, not even a beige flag. You're not even a beige. I'm getting red. Yeah, to ben. Yeah, not even a beige flag. You're not even a beige. I'm getting red. Yeah. To be avoided. Yeah. Last night we filmed Have You Been Paying Attention?

Season 3, episode 15. That'll be on tonight. 8.30 on 2. There you go. Watch that. Yep. And then afterwards, we finished at a time where there's a little bit of traffic, but last

night was really, really bad. Now, I'd been slamming the La Croix's all afternoon. You know those yummy flavoured waters? I didn't even know we had them. And then I saw, I think someone had one. Guy. I think Guy Montgomery. You know, up across, doing well for himself.

Standard Committee and Guy Montgomery had a La Croix. I said, I across, doing well for himself. Yeah. Standard Committee and Guy Montgomery had a LaCroix. I said, I'll get in on that action. Yeah. So I was slamming them orange LaCroixs. Like nobody's business. Yeah. But then I took a wee break at every opportunity during the show. You did.

During the filming. Every end of the segment, I was like, wee break. And everyone's like, gosh. It went right through you. It went right through me, the LaCroix. And then afterwards, I had a couple more LaCroixs. It's sparkling water, right?. And everyone's like, gosh. It went right through you. It went right through me, the La Croix. And then afterwards I had a couple more La Croix's. It's sparkling water, right? Flavoured sparkling water.

Yeah. Yeah, that stuff goes right through your sparkling water. Yeah. It bubbles the whole way in. Does yours bubble when it comes out? Yeah. It fizzes. Yeah, it fizzes.

It fizzes on the way out. It does the sodium noise too. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's just the fart that sneaks out sometimes when you're doing a wee. Do women have that? Or is that purely a guy thing? Farts sneaking out when you wee?

Yeah. Like 98% of the time? I just sometimes, because you don't share a bathroom. Because we're more open, because we're back, we're sitting. You're sad. So we're a lot. You're lucky if I don't. Okay, you could.

No, no, me too, me too, me too. Me too. We're all human. We are, but humans. What is gender? So we sat about, had a couple of La Croix's, and then in the car to go home. The minute we left, that parking lot traffic was bad.

I was like, oh, this is bad. Because you'll remember moments ago, I was slamming La Croix's. I don't know if I'm saying that right. La Croix? Yeah. La Croix's? I don't know.

La Croix's. It's a fancy word. La Croix's. La Croix's. And then it took ages and then got on the motorway. And then when it got on the motorway, I was like, huge mistake. There's not an off-ramp for kilometres. Yeah.

And it was like standstill. Yeah, there was a bad accident, wasn't there? Dude, when we finally got to the accident, the van was on its side. I hope everybody's okay, but this van was on its side. The glass was everywhere. Right. There was multiple other cars involved.

It was terrible, which is good when you get up and you get to see that, because sometimes when there's all that traffic and then all of a sudden it starts free-flowing and you're like, what? Sticky bee king. Yeah. What? Sticky bee king. Yeah. What? Sticky bee king. Yeah, but it's okay when you get to see

an accident. That's a terrible thing to say, but you know when you know that it was for a reason. You get to enjoy the view. Yeah. Of a flip van and glass everywhere and you get to go, whoa! And you hear the glass going, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, under your car. But I know what you mean. When you get there after crawling in traffic and nothing's

there. And all of a sudden, everybody just starts going again. You're like, eh. It's unfulfilling. What was this? Poor motorway design is what it was. So I'm on the motorway. I've got a bladder full of bubbly LaCroix's. Yeah.

And I sent Hayley a voice message who's also stuck in the traffic beside me saying, this was a huge mistake. I need to wee so bad. Yeah. And you. I needed to wee so bad. Yeah. And you. I needed to wee so bad as well. Right. I was full to the brim.

And I said to Hayley, I'm pulling over and weeing on the side of the motorway. And I was like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, as if. Yeah. And then we got, we were following and then we split. I went, I went on the outer lane. You went on the inner lane. And I was like, oh, I don't know what he's doing. So you pulled, because you sent a message to the group chat,

you pulled out under an overbridge and parked underneath it. So yeah, if you're familiar with the Northwestern Motorway, it's where the cop always sits under Bond Street to try to snap you because it's still an 80K zone, but you're probably ticking up towards 100 by then. So I was just like, well, I know you can pull over there because I've seen police cars parked there. So the chimney just...

through the crowd, on the shoulder, onto the grass, and I walked up behind the barrier and hid between two trees and did away on the side of the motorway. That is outrageous. And I'm behind, and I'm driving past, crawling past, and I look to the left, and I was like, oh, my God, he did it. And I saw the chimney, and I was trying to have a look to see if I could see you.

But you were tucked away. I went into the trees. Oh, right, oh my god, he did it. And they saw the gym, man. I was trying to have a look to see if I could see you. But you were, you'd tucked away. I went into the trees. Oh, right. Okay. I went into the trees. So everyone would have seen you. You didn't flash anybody. No, no, no, no. I was very careful about that. Right. So yeah, I did a wee on the side of the motorway, which is kind of a bit of a bucket list thing. I drive on it every day. I'm like, I could go for a wee there.

That's a weird bucket list thing to have. Bang and I want to stop and pick up all the high-vis vests that fall off tradie trucks. So many vests. So many vests and jackets. Just go buy one. A full uniform of vests. No, but it catches your eye on the side and you're like, man, if there were no cars behind me, I could slow down. So then anyway, when I got back in the Jimny, I still had my hazard lights on from where I parked.

And then the tow truck came to do its part of the thing. So I just jumped in behind the tow truck and made up all the ground and came out of the traffic well ahead of Sproul. In front of me. And so then when I caught up with him, I was like, how did you get in front of me? Wait, you followed an emergency services vehicle up the shoulder.

Up the shoulder. Doesn't say you can't. I always wanted the ambulance. All the way to the accident. Past the accident. Because they pulled in and then the police were like, they waved me through and I was like, thank you. Somebody has messaged in saying that they saw the Jiminy parked

on the motorway last night and wondered what was up. Yeah, that was me. I was doing wheeze. They probably were worried for a blonde North Shore girl. Yeah, thinking she was involved in the crash. Yeah, thinking she was up to no good or in trouble. But it was just you. It was me.

Adventure Vaughan doing a wee on the side of the motorway. Yeah. Play ZM's Flet Adventure Vaughan doing a wee on the side of the motorway. Yuck. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Friday Flashback. Well, Hayley's pick this week for Friday Flashback. I missed my pick last week because I had COVID and I believe Jared picked on my behalf and I do not stand by his choice.

So we're at war. He picked Icona Pop. I mean, it went down alright, didn't it? It went down alright. Yeah, it went okay. I mean, I think you're going to be savage for this pick. No, I'm back with a classic. It is topical.

It is topical and it is a banger. This is on my gym playlist. And look at me, I'm ripped. I'm shredded. You can see it works. Now, of course is on my gym playlist. And look at me, I'm ripped. I'm shredded. You can see it works. Yeah. Now, of course, Britney Spears, one hell of a week,

released a 22-minute video about her conservatorship. She also has a song on air with Elton John. Yes. Tiny Dancer. Yeah. Remake. So I've gone Britney. I've gone Britney because I am a Britney stan. I have chosen a song from her fourth album, In The Zone.

A lyric of the song I have chosen. It is from 2003. It is a duet or a feat with, of course, Madonna herself. Did you have the chart information for the song? One moment, please. I don't remember it being a banger banger. Australia, number one. Croatia, number one. Denmark, number one. European Hot. Australia, number one. Croatia, number one.

Denmark, number one. European Hot 100 singles, number one. Greece, number one. Ireland, number one. Hungary, number one. New Zealand. Oh, shit. What number does it say?

Number one and then a three afterwards. Number 13. I'm lucky for some. But it is an absolute banger. So I've chosen Me Against The Music. Oh, come on! It's your Friday flashback to them. Hey, Brittany. Are you ready? Uh-huh.

Are you? Uh-huh. When no one cares. It's ripping my hair. It's pulling my waist. To hell with tears. The sweat is dripping all over my face. And no one's there. I'm the only one that's up in this place.

Tonight I'm here. For the beat of the drum. Gotta keep it that way. Uh-huh. It's like a competition. We're gonna in, you can get in the zone. Get in the zone, get in the zone, get in the zone. If you want it, let it bite us all, you can get your way. I'm trying to hit it, you can die in a minute.

I'ma take your own, I'ma take your own, I'ma take your own. I'ma take your own. All my people on the floor, let me see you dance. Let me see you. All my people want it more, let me see you dance. Let me see you. All my people round and round, let me see you down. Let's take on the song. It's you and me, baby, where the music's done. You're calling on and on. On and on. On and on. On and on.

Let's go. We're almost there. I'm feeling it bad and I can't explain. My soul is there. My hips are moving out of that good place. Can you feel it burn? In the tip of my toes when I'm doing my thing. Time out of turn.

Let me see what you got. Don't hesitate. This is me trying to take on the music. It's like a competition. We can set the only game of zone. Thank you. All my people on the floor Let me see you, let me see you All my people want it more Let me see you, let me see you All my people round and round Let me see you, let me see you All my people in the crowd Let me see you, let me see you

Get on the floor Baby, lose control Just work your body And let it go If you wanna party Just grab somebody Thank you. Sexy lady I'd rather see you bare your soul If you think you're so hot better show me what you got All my people in the crowd

Let me see you dance Come on with me loose and tall Watch you take it down Get on the floor Baby there's control Just work your body And let it go

If you wanna party Just, just grab somebody. Hey, baby, we can dance all night long. People on the floor, let me see you dance. Let me see it. All my people want it more. Let me see you dance. Let me see it. All my people round and round.

Let me see you dance. Let me see it. All my people in the town. Let me see you dance. Oh, you see it. All my people in the town. It's your Friday flashback. Britney Spears, Madonna, me against the music. Come on, that is such a Friday. A Friday mood. Mixed reviews in on the text machine.

No, I had a little glance. I'd say predominantly positive. But then someone did say to take it out the back and shoot it. The song, not Madonna or Britney. No, the song out the back of the bar. Yeah. Absolutely terrible. There's a reason this was only number 13 in New Zealand. It's a no from us.

It's a hard no from me. I have never heard this song before. Wow, I've never heard this song. And I'm not surprised it's awful. You were picking and choosing. I'm just running down the list. There are some good ones buried here. We'll find them eventually.

Eventually. Awful. COVID has messed with your senses, Hayley. And you've obviously lost your sense of taste. Ouch. Ouch. I'm not a fan. I've never even heard of it.

Jesus, where's the good ones? There was some in here. Hang on. I'm opening this. I'm opening this. Of all the Britney songs, you picked this one, but then we've done all the other Britney songs. I know.

I'm working on a limited list. You're my C-class celebrity crush, Hayley, and I'll always love you, but I'm disappointed by the choice. Wow. P.S. What are you wearing? Creepy. What are you wearing?

Well, it's just a black T-shirt, isn't it? It's a black T-shirt and black pants. We're all wearing very slimming black T-shirts. I'm wearing a slimming Friday black. I'm wearing menstruation underwear, if you must know. Does that interest you, mate? I'm wearing period underwear. I'm fascinated by that. I think that's a great invention. I'm wearing socks that are grey. They? I'm fascinated. Period underwear. I'm fascinated by that.

I think that's a great invention. I'm wearing socks that are grey. They used to be white. Yeah. And menstruation underwear. You're going to need to go down. Yes. Oh, Hayley.

Yes, Hayley, yes. Not only a standalone banger. You missed no, no, no on the end of the Oh, Hayley. No, Oh, Hayley. They misspelled my name so they didn't even know who I am. Not only a standalone banger but a brilliantly throwback. This song sucks. What is this garbage? Tune. Well done, Hayley, they misspelled my name so they don't even know who I am. Not only a standalone banger, but a brilliantly throwback. This song sucks. What is this garbage?

Well done, Hayley. I learned every lyric. A banger. None of us knew we needed. Mixed. I needed a toilet break. What better time than now? I think just close the text machine.

Should have let Jarrett pick again. Daddy dip. Daddy. Daddy cool. All right, it's time for our Daddy Dip. It's Father's Day on Sunday. These prizes will in no way arrive before Father's Day. Oh, my God, yeah.

Don't take us to fair go. I hope this isn't actually, yeah, you're not hoping to actually get a gift. Yeah, this is a little bonus. A bonus, yeah. No, you've got to go down to the post shop and go into the gift area or the pharmacy, the gift area there. Buy your dad a lotto ticket. Have you seen the boat?

Have you seen the boat they're giving away for Father's Day? No. My dad would hate a boat. It's a $200,000 boat. Yeah, but he could sell it. Or just take the cash equivalent. I'm taking the cash equivalent. I don't need a $200,000 boat.

I get very seasick. Yeah. I got a wobbly wittle tummy. So this is how it works for Daddy Dip. You give us a call, 0800-DALZADAM. Now, we realise that not everybody has a dad around. We are accepting dads, father figures, daddies. Daddies?

Daddies, yeah. And you've got to, in one sentence, tell us why your daddy, dad, zaddy. Father figure. Daddy. Deserves. And you've got to start off with saying my. Daddy. Daddy.

My dad. My father. Or my daddy. Daddy. Is the coolest because. Yeah, and tell us why. And then in one sentence, and then we will go into our daddy dip, our lucky dip,

and get out a prize for dad. Some classic dad gifts in there too. I saw a couple before they were wrapped. There's some absolute dad fodder in there. Can I nominate one of you as my daddies? And then we can open the favourites. We'll leave the favourites to last. We'll have some favourites. All right, well, give us a call at 0800-DARLS-IT-M.

And we'll get into the Daddy Dip for you next. I got my head out this sunroof. I'm blasting my favourite tune to the sky. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Daddy Dip. Daddy, Daddy cool. Well, it's Father's Day on Sunday. We've got our Daddy Dip. Daddy. Daddy cool. Well, it's Father's Day on Sunday. We've got our Daddy Dip.

A load of prizes in our Lucky Dip barrel or basket. And you've just got to call us and in one sentence, because we don't have all day, tell us why your dad deserves a present for Father's Day. Yeah, what makes him the coolest dad? And if you've just joined us, we are accepting any kind of father figure. Absolutely. Not everyone has a dad, a dad, a pa, a pop even. A daddy, a daddy, a daddy. Let's go to Piper first, shall we? Let's do that, Piper.

Good morning. Good morning. Hello, Piper. How old are you, Piper? Six. Six. Oh, wow. Okay. What's your dad's name, Piper? Sam. Sam. I thought she was going to say dad. I don't know if by six I knew that my dad was Craig.

Apparently from the age of like three to six, I address my parents by their first names. Oh, that's so rude. So formal. I know, so formal. Now, Piper, why does Dad deserve a Dad Stay Prison? Because he cares about others and he's the best dad ever. Oh, I mean, caring about others.

Hayley's ovaries are just... My ovaries have exploded. All right, Piper, we're going to go into the uh dad dip the lucky dip one's opening a uh oh wow piper dad is gonna love these and his feet are gonna be warm because he just got slippers that look like hamburgers thank you oh great manners you You're welcome, Piper. All right, Piper, wait there while I get those out to Dad. Hannah joins us. Good morning, Hannah. Morning, guys.

Now, why does Dad deserve a Father's Day present from the Dad Dip? Because he's an awesome COVID nurse. Oh, God's sake. Enough said, enough said. Biggest box? Oh, yeah. Biggest box for the COVID nurse? Biggest box for the COVID nurse. Yeah, okay, let's get into that. Biggest box for the COVID nurse Biggest box for the COVID nurse Yeah okay let's get into that

Biggest box for the COVID nurse Let's open that From the lucky dip Oh it's Christmas It's Christmas Your dad has won He just won a tabletop Air hockey table

He's gonna love that He's gonna play a little bit Of air hockey In his downtime I love that Alright Hannah Awesome wait there We'll get that out to you.

Millie, why does Dad deserve a Father's Day present? Because he tries his best every day with me and helps out with me and my siblings. And all my siblings are younger than me and he has to

travel up and down Wellington every two weeks to run his business. Wow, he's a hard working man. He's a busy man. Also, Screaming Edge kids, I'm trying my best with you! Can't be both a compliment to him and you know, both ways. Yeah, yeah.

Alright, let's get into the dad dip. Oh yeah, that's a nice square box. You know what I reckon that is? A coffee cup. Oh, wow! It's an Amazon Echo Dot. You know what I reckon that is? A coffee cup. Oh, no. Oh, wow. It's an Amazon Echo Dot. So we can have an Alexa in the room. So we can say, Alexa, which one of my bloody children have got sports afternoons? It's bloody Millie.

Bloody Millie. All right, nice work, Millie. Thanks, Millie. All right, wait there. We'll get that out to you. Elena, good morning. Good morning. How are you guys today?

Really good. Really good. Now, who are we going into the dad dip for? So it is my grandfather. It's my father figure. Okay. Oh, pop. Yes.

Okay, all right. I've never really had a dad, and he's just taken care of me, and we've lived together for my whole life. Here's what I love to have lived with my granddad. But then the shine would have worn off. For him, not for you. Yeah.

I still would have loved it, but he would have got sick of you. But I always say my hat off to grandparents who end up raising their grandchildren because they raised their own kids. And now they've got to do it again. Yeah, they're raising their kids. They were looking forward to the fun part. Yeah, he's probably sick of me, honestly. All right, let's get into the dad dip.

I'm going to go for this one. What do you call him? What do you call your grandad? Dadda. Dadda. Dadda. I love a dadda. Oh, he's going to bloody love this.

That's a massage gun. Oh, okay. He needs that right now. He's got some sore bits, does he? Yeah, he's a mechanic. Oh, there you go. That'll be perfect. Come home from work and bloody get a deep, get a deep release.

He's got all the attachments too, doesn't he? Nice. We'll get that out to release. This has all the attachments too, doesn't it? Nice. We'll get that out to you. This one's a sexy attachment, isn't it? Take that away. I don't know about that. Dad is allowed to do what he wants. He's a hardworking granddad.

Blake, good morning. Hello. Blake, why does your dad deserve a Father's Day gift from the Dad Dip? Because he worked a job for six months and spent most of the money for me and my brothers to have fun. Oh, it's better on you guys having fun. How old are you, Blake? Twelve.

Twelve. Okay, all right. You've got to have fun when you're 12, Blake, because there's a bloody lifetime of misery ahead. Hey! All right, Blake. Oh, he's got Ross Taylor's book. Does he like cricket?

Kind of. Well, he's got Ross Taylor's book. Does he like cricket? Kind of. Kind of. He's going to love it. He's going to love it after reading Ross Taylor's book. Should we go back into the daddy dip if he doesn't like cricket? No, no, no. Well, he said kind of likes cricket. He will love it after this book.

He'll have a new appreciation for the game. He'll probably go back and watch the best of Ross Taylor. Fantastic. Thank you, Blake. Wait there. Let's go to Jen. Jen, why does Dad deserve a present from the Dad Dip? Well, yeah, my dad's number one dad.

So throughout the whole of COVID, I went to work, and he continued to look after my daughter while I worked. That's a good pop-up. Yeah, really good granddad. He picks her up when she's sick. He does my lawns every month. That's for him, though. He loves that.

This sounds like something Vaughan would do. Yeah. Yeah. This is amazing. All right, let's open a present from the dad dip. Oh, and it says it all. Oh, no, it doesn't. Well, it does.

It's a coffee cup that says best. I thought it said best father ever on it does. It's a coffee cup that says best, I thought it said best father ever on closer inspection. It says best farter ever. Yeah, it's a classic. Oh, man, that's excellent.

I'm sure he'll love that. Does dad fart? Well, every guy does, doesn't he? Yeah. Profusely. Profusely. All right,

wait there. How many more do we have? One, two, three, four more. All right, let's go. Claire, Claire, have? One, two, three, four more. All right, let's go. Claire, Claire, good morning. Good morning. Now, who are we going into the dad dip for, for Father's Day?

So we call him Dad, but he's not my biological dad or any of my siblings' biological dad. And one Halloween, he dressed up as a tiger, and then he dressed up as a tiger every birthday and every Christmas because we asked for it as kids. You want a tiger dad? Sounds like a hero. Alright, let's go on to the

dad dip. Oh, wow. He's got a Texas Hold'em poker set. Dads love poker. Dads love card games. He can start an illegal ring now. Yeah. With his friends in the garage.

I teach your kids how to play 500. All right, last couple. Max, good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Why does Dad deserve something for Father's Day? He mows the lawn. He's also neck-looking.

Same with Mum. He's always a lovely dad. We all love him. Oh, that's pretty cute. I want to know, how old are you, Max. He's always a lovely dad. We all love him. Oh, shit. That's pretty cute. I want to know how old are you, Max? He's incredible. How old are you, Max? Nine.

You're nine. Okay. All right, Max, we're going to go into the dad dip here. Okay. We've got three left. Yeah. I think we don't go to that. We're going to eat the favourites.

Don't give away all of them. It's what every dad needs. It's a multi-tool. It's got a fork, a spoon, a knife, a bottle opener and a corkscrew. Oh, yeah. You'll love that. Pop that in the car. Pop that in the car.

That'll be very handy to have in the car. No, all right. Fantastic. Well done, Max. Get that out there for dad. I don't know if Max knows what a multi-tool is, but... He's excited. Let's go to Kelly.

Good morning, Kelly. Good morning. How are we? Good. Now, why does Dad deserve something from the Dad Dip? It's for my dad because he paid for my entire wedding 10 years ago, which ended in divorce two years later. Wow.

And has he ever held that over you? Oh, it's a standing joke. Father's Day, his birthday, my birthday, yeah. My father would never let it go. Wow, okay, alright. Second to last prize from the dad deck. Ooh, baby!

Oh my gosh. There had to be one done and I'm afraid it's you. No, this is good. This is Old Spice Swagger. It's a speed stick. It's a triple protection antiperspirant. Dads love Old Spice Swagger. It's a speed stick. It's a triple protection antiperspirant. Dads love Old Spice. Absolutely brilliant.

You know what? That's what my dad smells like. Yep. Dads love Old Spice. Thank you. Brilliant. Nice work. That smells like a dad, doesn't it?

Yeah, that's big dad smell. All right, let's go to Summer. Good morning, Summer. Why does dad deserve something from the dad dip? Because he was cool. He would cover for me when Mum wouldn't let me go out. Dad would let me and would also pick me up from the party afterwards. Oh, my God, you had a cool dad.

Not like a regular dad, but a cool dad. Yeah, you go to parties. My children aren't listening and getting any ideas. Getting ideas? I think we know what this one is. This is the one we wanted. Yeah, we wanted this one, didn't we? What's Dad's name?

Ben. You sounded unsure. Is this a made-up Dad? It's a box of Cadbury favourites. Yes. Well done, Summer. Congratulations. Our Dad dip is

exhausted. Happy Father's Day to all the best one. And that's it. Our dad dip is exhausted. Happy Father's Day to all the dads and dad figures out there. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's fact of the day is that in Japan, when you turn 100, you receive a commemorative silver sake cup. Not a letter from the Queen.

No. Because they're not part of the Commonwealth, I guess. No, no. I mean, they would know who the Queen is, but she's not their queen. So in 1963, the Japanese government initiated this. They said, if you reach the age of 100, we will reward you with a commemorative silver sake cup. In 1963, they gave out 153 cups.

Then in 2009, when the numbers had reached 28,000 people every year, we're reaching 100. Can you believe that? 28,000. They changed the cup. They reduced the size of the cup. Too expensive. The cup costs very expensive.

In 2014, 29,357 people received the cup. In 2017, Japan honoured 32,000 people who hit 100. I can't keep it up. At this stage, I can give you a gender breakdown. 27,500 women, 4,500 men. Whoa!

That is such a difference. You have a go at us, don't you? Wow. You live longer. I do. Probably all that bloody yep. But you live longer. I do. Probably all that bloody yep. Probably the men just clocked out, you know. Kept their brain active. Yeah, no, yeah. It's constantly thinking of things to say and talk about.

Yeah, keeping it going. Because they've got a problem in Japan, don't they? They're trying to get younger people having kids. Yeah, shrinking population. So then at that stage, the solid sterling silver cups, which you'll remember had been shrunk in 2009, were replaced with nickel alloy silver plated design because it was costing them so much money

to get these cups made because of how much of a population. So now they're smaller and only silver-plated, and it cost over a million dollars. It saved over a million dollars a year. Wow. When they decided to change it into a silver-plated rather than a fully silver-plated cup. And it'll go all green and tarnished over time.

You know, it's not going to last. I mean, they don't care. They're going to be dying. Yeah, you're going to be dead. Get out the silver. Living to 100, though, I'm not going to have enough KiwiSaver. I'm not going to have enough KiwiSaver to live to 70. You'll have a bit bloody more now than I'm going to put GST on it.

Hello, bloody back-tracking government, eh? Tax grab, tax grab. Yeah, no, you won't have enough KiwiSaver. And you won't have enough young people paying enough tax to keep your float either. And I won't have any grandkids because, you know because no one's having kids. But the great news is you'll have a neat little cup to drink out of. Neat. Until you lose it. So every

year they give out the cups on Respect for the Age of Day, which is on September 15th. So it's coming up. Lovely. It's coming up. By the way, you know how they call, we Monday-ize a holiday if it falls on the weekend? Yeah.

Japan has something called the Happy Monday system. What's the Happy Monday system? The Monday-ization. Oh, yeah. I love that. I wish ours was called the Happy Monday system. Because everyone would be like, Happy Monday! Yeah, it's going to be a Happy Monday

because the public holiday was on a Saturday. We're too cynical for that, New Zealanders. It's going to be like, calm down. Happy Monday, it's like, oh, yeah. Is it? Not if you've seen what's happening in my house. Hey, my bloody,

my silver plating came off my cup, it's all bloody rusted and turned to shit now. So today's fact of the day is in Japan when you turn 100 you get a

little wee sake cup that is silver plated. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Yeah. Clay ZM. Oh, this is a pretty good list of the rudest things you can do on a group trip. Okay. This is from the Huffington Post. Ariana Huffington. So did they... I approve this to be shared on my news page, darling. Does it describe or does it have a criteria for group travel numbers? No, it doesn't actually specify.

So this could be you and like five other friends, a couple of couples going away for a weekend, or it could be a group of like 10 or 12 people. Yeah. Yep, that's right. A couple of couples going to Bali. I went to Bali recently. Okay.

So that was a couple of couples. That was four. Two couples. That's easy. See, that's a good number. That's my ideal travelling number. Maybe like a few more couples if it's someone you know really well and you almost know how they're going to function without asking.

When you start getting into groups of like eight or nine or ten, it's so frustrating. There's people that travel slow. There's people like Vaughan who aren't organised. Dordlers. Where is he? I will be ready to go in five minutes. You tell me when we're leaving with five minutes' notice,

I'll chuck all my stuff in. You're about to leave somewhere and then right at that moment, someone's like, I might go to the toilet. And then someone else is like, oh, yeah, I'll go to the toilet too. And then they go to the toilet. Oh, maybe I do need to go. Yeah. And then you're just about ready to go after everyone's gone to the toilet

and then someone else says, I need to go to the toilet. Yeah. And then you're about to leave and then someone's gone AWOL because they're at the dairy. I know. Well, there's a podcast called Were You Raised by Wolves? Okay. And it is an etiquette podcast hosted by Nick Layton Well, there's a podcast called Were You Raised by Wolves? Okay.

And it is an etiquette podcast hosted by Nick Layton, an expert in etiquette. I love that. That sounds like that could be a good podcast. It sounds like. Okay. The latest episode is called Wearing Hotel Robes, RSVPing with Explanations, Waving on Rural Roads and More. Wow. Always wave on rural roads. Rural people love to wave, don't they?

Adding ice cubes to wine. I did this the other day. I do it all the time. And she told me off. She's like, you've ruined that, Rosé. No. I was like, no, I chilled it for you. No, what would ruin it would be a room temp.

No, she said, I'll just have a little wine. And I said, you know the trick to make it look bigger? And I dropped ice cubes in it. Oh, okay. She didn't like that. Yeah, one if you've got a warm Prosecco. I always do an ice cube. Oh, yeah, Prosecco's bubbly.

It's different, isn't it? Yeah. So anyway, that sounds like a great podcast to listen to. Speaking of podcasts, let's do our podcast. On iHeartRadio, the app. And you can listen to us anywhere at any time. We'll just follow you around. So the rudest things you can do on a group trip,

according to etiquette expert Nick Layton, assuming everyone is on the same page. Okay. That's bad etiquette. Yeah, you shouldn't declare where everyone will go and what they'll do. Ask everybody. Like if you're in Bali,

just like I'm just going to pluck one out of the air that's completely hypothetical. You're in Bali and you want to go quad bike riding and you just book everybody in. But apparently half the group don't want to do that because they're scared of quad bikes. Is that hypothetical or did you? Maybe it's hypothetical.

Did you make your wife? Or maybe my friend Jana crashed straight into a tree on the first turn and packed a sand and refused to do it. That might have happened. Yeah, right. Okay. Maybe someone's terrified of monkeys and they didn't want to spend half the day in the monkey forest.

Why did they even go to Bali? Oh, no, it was a different person. Oh, okay. Different person. So assuming everybody is on the same page as a massive faux pas when travelling in a group, don't do it. It also says budgetary. Sorry, I mean budgetary.

I made that up, but that's a good point, right? You're on holiday, but don't assume everybody can afford to do everything you want to do once a year. Yeah, absolutely. And dietary restrictions. But I never go travelling with anyone who doesn't meet my strict criteria of dining companions. A gluten-free vegan can absolutely get off.

They can go to a different holiday. We're not on holiday. Primarily survive on, okay, make allowances. Exactly. That's going to be unsaid. Yeah. Really hot. I'll eat their bread.

And their meat. I'll eat the bread and their meat. Yeah, yeah. I'll eat that. Not giving people personal space. Even though you're

maybe staying at the same place, it's still important to just be able to go to your room and chill out and not have someone there all the time. Maybe you schedule

an afternoon nap or a time where it's just you or you and your partner if you're with a group of other couples where you can just do something for yourself. Maybe you just want to go for dinner by yourself one night. Just let everybody know. Expecting to be catered to. This is more in the vicinity of if you're travelling and some aspect of the travelling involves staying at somebody's parents' house and you're just like, well, I'll assume they'll be acting as my parent while I'm here too and letting them pick up after you and doing something.

Absolutely not. Inviting others to join the group without consulting the group. This is a Fletch classic. Get a little hook up in town. Oh, what? Get a little hook up in town. A little costume change. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pull a costume change. Yeah. And then you invite them to then partake with the group. Who's this? Well, maybe the group was boring and I wanted to spice things up. Yeah, well, just let us know. You know, that's all that you need to do there. That's all that you need to do there.

And finally, refusing to compromise. Yeah, you gotta. You gotta compromise. And maybe somebody wants to waste the day of their holiday by going shopping again. Sounds like you've got some unresolved issues from this trip to Bali. You really want to go quad biking, don't you?

Quad biking and monkeys! Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Monday Maestros. I mean, I was vehemently against an idea that required us doing anything for the show

over the weekend. Well, yeah, especially because I'm doing that thing that everyone's doing at the moment, quiet quitting, where I work only... Pulling back.

I only do what I'm... The bare minimum. I was going to do a raucous resignation. Right. Where you still work Where I work only... Pulling back. I only do what I'm... The bare minimum. The bare minimum. I was going to do a raucous resignation. Right. Where you still work extra, but then you go out with a bang. Oh, no, there's no extra work.

There's just, you swear one day and just lose your mind and take a poo in the middle of the office. Well, that sounds like quite quitting with an explosive exit. That's an absolute... Yeah. With an explosive exit. I feel that I'm really carrying this show. You are.

Enthusiasm is the only thing that wakes me up in the morning. Well, because you're new, you do extra work. I'm fresh. Yeah, you're fresh. Yeah, I'm off to do some extra work today, aren't I? Yeah. Well, this Monday Maestro's requires us to learn something over the weekend and then on Monday, perform or show what we've managed to learn.

It's a real catch me if you can Alzheimer's. What? Well, you learn new things to keep your brain fresh and active. And that wards off Alzheimer's and dementia. It's like, catch me if you can. We go to the producer's booth and producer Anna joins us. Good morning. I'm your favourite today, aren't I?

You certainly are. Why? What have I done? Vaughan's winding her up. Yeah. Good morning. I'm your favourite today, aren't I? You certainly are. Why? What have I done? Vaughan's winding her up. Yeah. Another day. I really, really had a great week winding you up this week. You have actually.

And I am a breaking point. Anyway. It's nice to have you here. A breaking point, that is. Now we asked the listeners, what would you like Fletch, Juan and Hayley to learn over the weekend? To master. Yes, and thank you, everyone, for the suggestions

because we had an overwhelming response. And one thing in particular, one skill everyone wants you to master. What is that? So, the first week, look under your seats, is a recorder. Oh, no. Are you kidding me? Do you not have a childhood memory of being at primary school and in the recorder class, and the teacher just asked me to leave.

She didn't want me doing the recorder anymore because I was too talented. Making all the other kids feel terrible. She was also the same teacher when we were all singing. She said, now if you put your hands behind your ears and you can hear yourself. She said, that's what you sound like. And I was like, why would she destroy the spirits

of children? That's what you sound like. That's what you sound like. I know. I've got a bit of an advantage here and I will admit it straight out the gate. I am a musician. I've learnt the bit of an advantage here and I will admit it straight out the gate I am a musician I've learnt the classical piano my entire life and I actually reject this what is this?

it's a plastic it's a plastic recorder I believe this is from it's an absolute piece of plastic this is from the place where everyone gets the best instruments and a bargain

to what if what if well I will be performing my Monday Maestro performance on my own personal recorder. You've got a recorder. I have... I'll say it now. I have

a recorder that cost me $200. What? A $200 recorder? And I bought it as a gag. Right. And the gag never made it to stage. I love expensive gags. I was doing a show and we were doing covers of songs and I thought a recorder cover would be funny. And I said, what's funnier than a recorder?

A big recorder. You know those like alto ones? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't the guy write the Mandalorian theme tune and the Book of Boba Fett on one of those? No, Han. Han, Han, Han. You've got to cover the back hole.

What you're doing is you're covering the hole as you aren't blowing. Han, I, Han. You've got to cover the back hole. What you're doing is you're covering the hole as you aren't blowing. Han, I don't know how to use this. You were taking your finger off as you blew. You've got to keep your finger on as you blow. Sound different. No, keep blowing and take your finger off. No, you've got to hold the back hole.

I hate this. Are you not holding the back hole? You've always got to cover the underneath hole. I didn't know about the back hole, did I? Now I do. You know about the bloody back hole. You've got to hold the top hole. This guy's going to go. Top hole. That know about the back hole. You've got to hold the top hole.

Top hole. That one. Now go. Now it's a different note. And what song do we have to learn?

What did you do that for? What was that? Born Alan Smith. That was weird. I've never seen anyone record

a record. Don't tease me. Okay. I propose. I've never seen anyone going to a recording house. Don't tease me. Okay. I propose. I await. I hate this instrument. Okay.

I think people already will tune out. There's a lot of trauma attached to these. A, you were shamed. B, if you ever accidentally bought your kid one of these. Oh, yeah.

Horrible. That automatically goes their favourite. Maybe your trauma is that you spent $200 on a comedy one. Yeah. Well, you have the weekend to learn 15 seconds Yeah. Horrible. Maybe your trauma is that you spent $200 on a comedy one. Yeah. What song?

You have the weekend to learn 15 seconds of the Titanic song. My heart will go on. Your heart will go on. Oh, my God. Did you hear that? That's the Mandalorian theme tune. You guys watch that. It's not the Mandalorian theme.

How do you blow into these? Well, that is our Monday maestro. I'm picking Hayley to come out on top of this one. Stop. That's the Mandalorian theme tune. It's not. Sade, we're so sorry. Pedro Pascal.

She will literally be like, go and practice that in the car. And then she'll come out and be like. Just go sit in your chimney and play the video. And then I'll be out there and she'll come out and she'll wave as they say, go down the road and practice. Yeah, drive down the road and annoy the neighbours. If you liked today's podcast, tell your friends you could send them the

link. And if you don't have any friends, just pretend you did. Yeah, great. And rate and review. And maybe get out there and try to make some friends.