ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 30th May 2022

Episode Date: May 29, 2022

Suck it, Seals! Solo in Da Clubz  Embarrassing Complaints  Top 6: Reality TVVaughans Weekend in Disneyland  Brand Tattoos  6/10 Love a...Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, Barista Made Coffee on the go. Hayley's left us at this point to film the Bake Off, the reality show, the great Kiwi cookies and cream and pastry show. Yeah, the great Kiwi sugar hit. Yep.

That was another title they were planning on going with. One day I'll get the title of that show right. One day. And you're packing up now in your hotel room to come home. Yeah. It's 2 o'clock Los Angeles time. I've got to be checked out of this hotel by 4 o'clock, and then we fly at 9 o'clock.

So I'm just trying to plan. Oh, you want to get on that road now. You'd beat that LA traffic at any stage of the day. Oh, my God. They've got these beautiful highways that are like five lanes either way, and they still just sit at a standstill. It's like maybe more roads and more cars aren't the answer to a higher population. Yeah, it crawls.

It crawls. And you'll hear on the show Vaughan you've got suitcase issues you've got too much stuff you've acquired too many toys well don't say that in case my children hear this part of the broadcast they have one toy each and the rest are for me

you're bringing home like 10 toys they get one I don't see how that's going to go down well one each oh no it's not did your parents ever go on holiday and come home with suitcases and you just looked at the suitcases like,

those things must be full of presents for me? Yeah, and they weren't. I opened the suitcases and they weren't. No. That's the disappointment my children are about to experience. And so all set for the flight? Yep. I've got a sleeping pill, a mask, a comfortable set of noise-cancelling headphones.

They also hold the mask when you've got them on. Oh, that's good. So the pressure's not on the ear. Yeah, good. That's very lovely. I've got a good sleeping mask. I'm going again for an aisle seat. Yeah, baby, I think I'm ready to go.

Good stuff. A couple of whiskeys and a sledgeman poo And I'll be home before I know it And you may not be with us tomorrow Well, we'll see, you've got to roll those dice Thank you Rachel, good morning Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Three minutes past six as we come to you

From different parts of the country and the world this morning. We are spotted across the globe. Well, not really. Spotted across the globe. What is in this smoothie? No, I'm like 20 minutes away from you, Fletch. But Vaughan, you're a little bit further away. Yeah, I'm just ticked over

11am in Los Angeles. So I'm on the mimosas. It's Sunday stash. Let's go. So you've got your flight tonight, which will be our afternoon. Yes. So you need to do a rat test. Early evening.

Correct. I've done one this morning. I'm currently waiting on the results. I did it three hours ago, and they told me I would have the results within an hour. So I don't know how hours convert to American hours, but... Well, everything's bigger. Yeah. I know the American dollar is a little bit more than the Kiwi dollar,

so I'm thinking the American hour must be as well. Yeah. Because it's been three hours now, and I have not had the result. If that's good news or bad news, I'm not sure. But a negative result required to fly home. At what point do you go, it's not coming and I have to go get another one? We ring them. Did you just go to like a pharmacy?

Oh, I would love to have gone to a pharmacy. I went to a really weird back room in a motel down the road. Now, you might be thinking, Smithy, it sounds like you've been scammed. It does sound like a scam. I would say it certainly does. But no, it was like one of the officially

recognised places to go by the Los Angeles Health Department. A motel. And I believe the man that took the, well, no, he didn't take the swab. He made me swab myself. Right. He just opened the end of the packet, said, grab that. Do you know how to do these?

I said, yep. And I shoved up the schnoz. And then he's like, I'll just pop it back in there. And went i think he went back to his janitorial duties oh wow did he give you a foot rub or anything or a kiss on the cheek for you good work uh yeah kiss on each cheek i believe is customary here um really adapting that european way right no i feel like it definitely was the janitor for the motel that gave me the test. Well, good luck getting home. We wait and see. We wait and see.

I'll let you know when the email rolls in. All right. Your chance to win free fuel this morning with our retro petrol time machine, 8 o'clock. We've got the top six coming up soon. Yeah, we certainly do. Today's top six are the top six things to expect when you're going on a reality TV show. Oh, yeah. One of the MasterChef contestants has come out hot

saying that the show was a bunch of bullshit. And we're all like, yeah, it's a reality TV show. What exactly were you expecting? And, I mean, we've got one of them on the show right now, Fletch, one of these purveyors of filth and lies in the form of reality TV. That's me. You're filming, at the moment, aren't you,

New Zealand's hottest cookies? Yep, you've got the show title down, finally. Every time. Yeah. No, I am. I'm right in the middle of filming a reality show.

Yeah, well, and I heard if you don't like a contestant, you just say, oh, they're out. Absolutely. I've already decided who wins and the rest of it,

it's honestly just a waste of time at this point. Yeah, and it won't be another woman, famously, because you're all about pulling the ladder up behind you, aren't you? I can't stand women. Inferior. All right, with the top six dealing with this reality show over the weekend. Drama, yeah.

Next on the show, though, from the science desk, some big news. Is this real science, Fletch? Is this real science? I believe it is, yeah. Are you making up malarkey again? Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

A UK man has not one but two new hands. He is the world's first in this double hand transplant. Wow. And they work. Yeah. They do because it's, in this story I'm reading, it says he's six months down the track and they seem to be okay.

It's like, oh, so you weren't going to tell anybody until you knew they worked. That's science. I also feel like six months is very early for a full transplant. Well, it is, but they said he's doing well because he can do things like hold a glass and fill up a glass of water from a tap and do basic motor function skills that are really good for even people who have a standard hand transplant versus the double hand transplant. What would your, before you release the news to the world,

what would your set of things be? Tennis would be one of mine. Could he play tennis? Could he play tennis with his new hands? God, I can't play tennis with my hands and I was born with these. Maybe you should try getting a double hand strong and seeing if you can get some better hands for tennis.

Yeah, I feel like bowling, Fletch, is a terrible idea. What if you put your new fingers stuck in and you went like that and then clean off at the wrist? Well, yeah, but that's the test. And then you can tell the world if it works that the hand transplant was successful. Yeah, but what a way to find out.

Oh, it didn't work. How did you find out? It came off when he threw a bowling ball. I like how in either of these situations that you two are describing, you were imagining the only thing holding his hands on is the skin and some stitches that the doctor put on his skin. Yeah, true. I am literally thinking about some Frankenstein-like sewing stitches.

So he underwent it. He had this condition. I'm not sure of the pronunciation of this. Scleroderma. Derma being skin and sclero, not sure. But it started and it meant the skin on his hands started scarring and tightening. And it got to the point where in his 40s, his hands were permanently curled shut.

And he couldn't do anything with them. So it wasn't like an accident or gangrene or anything. So they said it's the first known human double hand transplant for someone with this condition and they wondered whether or not it would happen to the new hands he got but it hasn't shown any signs of it yet. Right.

But he is on... Go on. What do they match you to? Like how do they find you new hands? What if he got little lady hands? What if he had, like, elegant, small, petite lady hands? Yeah. And I wonder if the skills he's had, like, if you were a pianist, I wonder if you could still move the fingers that way.

Yeah. Hmm. I'm looking at a photo of him. Honest, I wonder if you could still move the fingers that way. I'm looking at a photo of him. Lady, delicate hands, though there's a double advantage there because next time he goes to play with himself, it's going to look a bit bigger. Yeah, absolutely, Will. There's one advantage. There's one advantage.

They look pretty good. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, a Consumer New Zealand survey has found, and it used to be that we didn't trust banks. They were the least trusted. Yeah, well, banks are just there to take your money. Yeah, like it gets to June and they're always like, ah, banks have made a billion dollars already.

And you're like, wow. I stopped trusting them when they stopped letting me pay for things with cheques. Yeah, yeah. You keep all your money in sort of hessian sacks, don't you, Vaughan? Oh, my God, in so many hessian sacks. In holes in the ground. Yeah. Yes.

Oh, no, the ones in the holes in the ground are in airtight barrels. Yeah. But the ones just scattered throughout my house and my ceiling, hessian sacks. Yeah. With mothballs and rat poison in it so that the moths and the rats don't have my money stop telling the nation where all your where all your riches are they're in the ground in the ceiling new zealand the joke is like like which one of my houses is all my money yeah yeah so many houses just full of so many hessian sacks well at least the bank

won't be able to get it well the the bank has now been overtaken by supermarkets as the least trusted by Kiwis. And the percentage of those that said they didn't trust supermarkets in the last year has risen from 17% in June last year to 32% this year. I wonder before all this sort of cost of living stuff went up, why people didn't trust supermarkets? Because what did you say? It was 17% before last year. I wonder before all this sort of cost of living stuff went up, why people didn't trust supermarkets? Because what did you say was 17% before

last year? Yeah. What is that? Blades and apples. No, it's the fact that it's a duopoly and they're ripping us off. Yeah, true. No, I reckon it was avocados. Like you give it a squeeze, you give it a light squeeze at the market and it feels

good and then you get it at home and it's not. It's buggered, you know? It's rubbish. And that really takes away the trust of a supermarket. Because what did they say? I mean, I know that then they said, no, that's not quite right. But there was that article recently that said that, you know, supermarkets have profited X amount a week

while everyone couldn't afford a bag of salad. Yeah, it's a $22 billion industry making in excess of profits of a million dollars each day, it's a... While everyone couldn't afford a bag of salad. Yeah, it's a $22 billion industry making in excess of profits of $1 million each day, it's claimed. Although the supermarkets have hit back at that and said... Yeah, but it's not quite a million. There's not quite that much. It's $998,000.

Yeah, it's still $22 billion a year. So, yeah. The banks will be happy though, won't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're a bit more trusted, aren't they? Well, yeah, yeah. So they're a bit more trusted. That's the thing. It's not a big industry list. It just mentions supermarkets and banks.

Where do gangs sit? Well, I mean, if gangs were on the list, I'm sure they'd be right up there. Great day for gangs though, if banks and supermarkets are less trustworthy than your local gang. Yes. Yeah. I don't know, though, if banks and supermarkets are less trustworthy than your local gang. Yes. Yeah.

I don't know if I'd be going... When you think about it, the banks, you know, they're a lot like the gangs. They've both got ways to keep you out when it's not their opening hours in the form of, like, tall fences or security drop-down doors. Yeah.

It's the same with supermarkets. If you tried jumping into the back of a supermarket to pinch a tray of bread, very hard. They've got massive spiked fences out the back there. I'm just saying maybe they're all in this together. 622 next on the show. Oh, good news for humankind. We've finally, finally got one up on those pesky seals.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. So, you know, there's... Okay, let's talk about seals. We did tease seal news, and I've got seal news. So seals can apparently hear very well underwater, as you'd expect, right? They need to communicate under there. It's their domain.

It's their absolute domain. For millions of years, in fact, that's been their domain. I'm wondering how good their communication was above water, though. Otherwise, why did their relationship with Heidi Klum fall to bits? Oh, so, Vaughan, what you've done is you've misunderstood me there. I'm talking about the actual, are they a mammal, I think? Yeah, the actual mammal. Yeah, he seals a mammal, too.

Okay, so sort of the more slippery, slimy. Well, I don't know. Put lube on him. That's coming across very. Yeah, maybe he's a bit slippery, slimy. The animal. Oh, God. I really don't know how to separate Seals from Seal.

You've made it hard. Which one? Are you talking about the one that's sung Kissed by a Rose for the Batman Forever soundtrack? Or are you talking about the aquatic that's sung Kissed by a Rose for the Batman Forever soundtrack? Or are you talking about the aquatic mammal that feeds primarily on fish? Oh, oh, oh, oh, that one. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. The ones that you see in Kaikoura. Oh, oh, oh, oh, that one. No, just the one who eats fish. I genuinely am having a hard time separating seals from seals. Anyway, they've been renowned for their ability to hear underwater and people are like

imagine being able to hear as well as a seal. Well, suck it seals because we can apparently hear just as well. Just as well underwater as a seal. And now that I know that I'm like, how do they communicate at all? Because I can't hear very well underwater at all. Are they sonari like dolphins?

Yeah, they are sonari. Okay. But we're less sonari, right? We're just like, what? But you know when you used to be a kid and you'd go underwater and you'd be like, try to guess what I'm saying? Yes. Did you play this game?

Yes, yeah. So if that's how well a seal can hear, that's terrible. Apparently we can hear within a few degrees of, you know, what are they called? Decibels. Okay. Just as well as seals under the water. And then they've got the advantage because they've got the sonar

so they can, I guess, ping things to eat. Whereas you can't ping things to eat, can you? I can't ping things to eat. Well, that's a great idea for an app. That's a great idea for an app. Yeah. Ping to eat. We'll just call it ping.

Yeah. And it just goes in and it kind of suggests what you, because, you know, the age-old argument, what are we having for dinner? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ping to A. We'll just call it Ping. Yeah. And it just goes in and it kind of suggests what you, because you know, the age-old argument, what are we having for dinner? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, apparently the way they measured it is that it's not only just how loudly we hear it, but also how well we can sense the direction of sound.

Which I would say, yeah, I can hear pretty well. I can go, oh, what's her name, is beside me. But we might be able to hear, but then we're not made to project. Like, they might be better at speaking underwater, so the hearing doesn't need to be as good. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I also remember going underwater when I was a kid

and just screaming because it felt really fun, but it was really quiet. Yeah. Or you go underwater as a kid and then tell Josh Long that you thought he was cute. Did Josh Long above water ever know how you felt? Well, he took me to the year eight ball, so. So, yes.

Maybe Josh can hear better than a seal and a human. I don't know what Josh is up to now, but it seems these underwater ears of his are really not being utilised. I know. I think I could have been clearer because he did take me to the year eight ball, but he also did Pashianeen in front of me.

At the year eight ball? Underwater? No. No. Just sort of in front of me in a bush. Weird memories. Weird memories coming back. Gosh, it's strange to be 12 and 13 again, isn't it? Was it at least an under the sea themed ball? No, it wasn't.

No, it wasn't. I think we were never meant to be. Josh, if you're out there, I don't know. Maybe we should give it another go. You're engaged. Yeah, Aaron's asleep. He can't hear anything. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Now, I am a huge advocate for I was going to say doing things solo, but I mean, you know, doing activities solo. Like, I love going out for lunch or dinner on my own and just having a little quiet meal. I do it all the time. To some people, that is the people, that would be the hardest thing in the world to do. Yeah, I wonder what it is.

Is it like you think people are looking at you, like where are your friends, or have you been stood up? I don't know. I love it because you don't have to chat. Like, Vaughan, I feel like you would love solo dining. Yeah, my wife thinks it's weird, though, and I'm like, you stay home with the kids, I'm going to go.

Yeah, true. You've got sort of more obligations than I do. Yeah, but if I find myself in a situation, like I've been in LA for a few days, one of the days I had breakfast by myself, I love it. Yeah, just sit and there's no need for idle chit chat and you just sit

and you eat and you can go on your phone if you want or you can people watch or it's cool. And someone always asks, is anyone joining you? That's what some of the

wait staff are like. Are we waiting on someone else? You're like, nah. Yeah. No, I know. Especially when you order a huge amount of food and they bring you

two sets of cutlery. Yes. It's like, no, I'm eating all of this. If you go out for dinner by your staff, you could order two wines, though, to make it look like someone's coming, but you're just never low on a wine, you know. Yeah.

But then everyone's going to be looking at you at the table like, oh, they haven't turned up. How embarrassing. When are they turning up? I don't care. Okay, so what about this situation then? You drink your wine and then you go to the bathroom and you put on a costume that effectively changes your gender

and you come out and you sit down at the table as your date and then you drink that wine and eat their meal and then go back into the bathroom, change again into your original, come back out. This is a real Mrs. Doubtfire. Another drink maybe. Oh, and one of the times you've got to... More Mrs. Doubtfire. Another drink maybe. Oh, and one of the times you've got to... More Mrs. Doubtfire references in 2022, to be honest.

You've got to work on your thick Scottish accent. Well, I'm not even talking about solo dining or solo movie watching as you like to do, Fletch. I'm talking about solo clubbing right now because a seasoned solo clubber has written a Vice article saying like it is the way to go, particularly when you're travelling. If you were travelling, don't sort of go,

oh, I can't like hit the town. They've given some top tips how to be a fantastic solo clubber and they're saying it's basically the same benefits as dining alone. Like you call the shots, you're not working on anyone's timeline. You know, you're not sort of going, oh, you know, she wants to go here

and I don't want to go there or we're losing my friend. The night is yours. You are number one. So here are some tips. If you're thinking, I want to hit the clubs solo this weekend. Apparently, number one, they say do make friends.

And this confused me because I was like, isn't the whole point that you were by yourself? But the benefit of making new friends on the dance floor is that like you can make friends with them for the time

that you want to be friends and then you can be like, bye. And then just disappear. Yeah, okay. Yeah, because you're not having to look after like, oh my God, Becky is so, oh my God, Becky's so wasted.

We have to get into an Uber. Now she's ruined my night. Because if my friends are carrying on like that, I do just say bye and leave them. Is that not what you're supposed to do with friends? It's really not the done thing, Vaughn. I like to ghost and just not even say goodbye. Yeah, you've become too much of a handful.

Yeah, you have both ditched me on multiple occasions. But yeah, they say that, you know, as soon as this conversation gets boring, you just leave them because you don't know them. Another one is fake your confidence. So the first time you go clubbing on your own, you're going to be like feeling a little bit exposed. Fake confidence.

Fake it till you make it, basically. Act as if you're confident and no one will question you. They do say, of course, especially for if you're a solo woman going clubbing, to make sure that your bag is well stocked with everything you need because you don't want to be asking someone for like a phone charger

at the end of the night so you can order an Uber back to your home or hotel. So make sure you've got gum, phone, bank cards, lip balm, cash if you need it. I'm sorry, did you say gun at the start of that list? Gum. Yes, a gun. A gun? Or a taser. Either one.

A chewing gun. You've got to keep yourself safe when you go and club even by yourself, but I don't know if I can go straight to gun. I mean, there's taser, there's baton in there for your own protection. I am broadcasting to a predominantly Kiwi audience. Don't take a gun to the club. We don't want to be those people. No.

Do your research. So before you go, work out the clubs that you want to go to, the vibe, who's playing, you know, like what kind of crowd that's going to bring. Is it going to be some sort of like low vibe or is it going to be doof-doof douche party? Maybe you want to avoid going to that one.

I think a douche party is a different, I think there's already a kind of party called a douche party. Is it a different kind of solo? That's a different thing, yeah. Yeah, it's not something you certainly don't do it solo. You kind of do it more than the area for a douche party. I'm sort of picking up that maybe this isn't radio appropriate. Can you send me some

information in the group chat? Yep, yep. I invite, did you say? I mean, maybe info first before I decide whether or not I want to attend. It's just that spots are filling up fast, quite literally and figuratively, for the next douche party. Oh, I'll sign up. Sign me up. Yeah, yeah.

I like that about you. You're a real trigger puller. You just decide it's going to be done and you're going to pull the trigger. That's right. And, of course, the last tip is to look out for number one, keep yourself safe. And this was an article written in the UK and they've got the ask for Angela at the bar.

You know this? Oh, yeah, yep, yep. I love this idea. I love it. So if you're a woman, maybe you're out on your own or feeling in a dangerous position with someone, you go to the bar and ask for Angela and they know what to do and they look after you

and they get you out of there. Yeah, great idea. We should do that in New Zealand if we're not already doing it. a dangerous position with someone, you go to the bar and ask for Angela and they know what to do and they look after you and they get you out of there. So I think, you know, we should do that in New Zealand if we're not already doing it. Hey guys. Yeah. It's me, it's Vaughn. You both sounded surprised there.

It's me, it's Vaughn. I've just got an email titled, your test results from recent COVID tests. Uh-oh. Oh my God. Should we open it live next to see whether or not I'm staying in America for another week? Yeah. The anticipation.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the top six. Oh, hello. Drama unfolding on New Zealand reality TV. I mean, that's kind of what you thrive on, right, Hayley? Yeah. Just a reality TV show. Well, yours is a bit different.

It's not like a Kardashian reality TV show. It's a competition-based reality TV show. Yeah, and to be fair, like, the Bake Off format globally is, like, known as being one of the kind of nicer, more chill, drama-free ones. Yeah, like they don't kind of fabricate any drama. But yeah, this was interesting

from MasterChef. Over the weekend this contestant came out and said it's all rigged. What did she say exactly? She said that the show was about to air and so was their dirty laundry. And said a bunch of things. They were fed lines through an earpiece.

The judges were puppets. On one occasion, she alleged the dishes hadn't even been tasted by the judges and they were filmed commenting on the meals. All the contestants were aware that they had never tasted the food, but were making these judgments. They were all fake and false. It didn't matter how our food had been cooked. The judges had made a decision,

most likely based on what they had been told by the director on which contestants' food was going to go through. Sounds like she's a little bit upset that, you know, maybe she overcooked her steak and they called it out. Sounds like someone's about to be on TV and regret going on a reality show. Yeah, sounds like someone's about to feel a little bit embarrassed about their behaviour on the show.

It always surprises me when people go on reality shows and then they're like, you said all those things. You cried. You were angry. You know? Yeah, and I think as well, there is some construction in terms of...

Oh, 100%. You've got to pause sometimes and say, can you say that again because we didn't get it on camera. But having worked on a set like this before like it's there's no manipulation it's just like i think people who don't work in tv go what the hell it's all fake and you're like no no there's just some kind of a little bit of work that needs to happen to make this into a tv show not manipulation it's gap filling it's crafting it. It's gap filling most of the time. It's telling the story, yeah. So she also alleges that the contestants

were given faulty equipment to work with in the hopes that it would make better TV. Sounds like she doesn't know how to use her blender. It sounds like a funny idea for a reality TV show, if you ask me. And she claims a staff member told her, don't worry, you're already in, before the judges had even tasted her dish.

That would have been some young intern who liked her quiche and just said, you know, don't worry about it, you're in, based on my opinion. And also they would never, oh my God, I'm sounding off because I'm such a MasterChef fan and I work on Bake Off,

but they would never put faulty equipment on those shows because they're always sponsored. So the brands would never want their equipment to look faulty. They would never stand for it. You're a mainstream media, man. Yeah, you believe all this shit. Hook, line and sinker, don't you? Look at you.

Don't come for one of my favourite shows. Don't even come for it. All right. I've got the top six things to expect when you're going on a reality show. Number six, it's not really reality. It's a highly edited and character-driven type of storytelling.

Yes. But that's too long to put in the TV guide, so they just shorten it down to reality. Yeah. Number five on the list of the top six things to expect if you're going on a reality show, viewers' votes generally don't count for airfall. Yeah.

If they want you gone because you're a problematic character that's costing them in the ratings, you're probably going to be gone. Yeah. Number four on the list, this one's especially, Hayley told me this one, if the host doesn't the ratings, you're probably going to be gone. Number four on the list, this one's especially, Hayley told me this one, if the host doesn't like you, you're toast. They'll just have a word at the behind

the scenes. I have no sway whatsoever. Number three, there's going to be at least one good rumor go around about you when the television show starts airing. Like, it could be something dragged up from high school. It could be completely made up.

It could be someone who looks like you did something or someone with the same name as you did something. They're not you, but you're dragged into that. Number two on the list of the top six things to expect if you're going on a reality show. They film it all as quick as possible to save on overall production costs and then edit it and drag it out to make it look like it was filmed

over weeks and weeks and weeks. Yes. Hayley's just nodding. That's the heavy breath of Hayley Sproul who worked all weekend. I'm tired. I'm tired, please. Let me go.

And number one on the list of the top six things to expect when you're going on a reality show. If you say something that can be edited to make it look like you said kind of that, but also something else, you might as well have said that something else. Yeah. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

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of the day. Listen to The Front Page at nzherald.co.nz slash podcasts and follow us on iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Play ZM. There is a company called Inferno Oficial and they are the industry-leading company in the manufacture of life-sized, anatomically correct...

Companions. Fun companions. Like Ryan Gosling had in that movie. Remember when he was in love with that doll? Oh, what was that called? Lars and the Real Girl. Yeah. Yeah, like that,

except maybe these are used less for emotional purposes and more just a great time. Well, the company has been sharing some of the reasons why their customers have returned their customized, personalized dolls and they're quite funny. So obviously with a company like this, I mean, so to put it in context, to get a silicon friend made for you, you can basically choose anything and everything that you want. So you can say, I want that. So you can make it look like somebody.

You can make it look like yourself if you wanted to. Oh, that would be weird. You can make it look like anyone you like or customize based on your dream lover. And it will set you back about $20,000 New Zealand dollars. Jeez. Jesus. I made my own lightsaber at Disneyland, and I thought that was pretty expensive.

But, you know, it's given me as much sexual pleasure as one of these latex ladies, couldn't it? Yes, I know. Well under a 20th of the price, well under a 40th of the price. I know. It's outrageous. So some of the complaints they've had, one customer ordered extra hair on the back, legs, and bum, please.

And then they received their new friend and said, too much. You've misread me. Too much. Now, I will show you. I've got a photo of that hairy. You can't ask for extra pickles and then be upset when there's lots of pickles. Yeah. Sorry, I did hold that up to the Zoom screen.

Is that like a Barbie, though? It's like a Barbie. Once you cut the hair, you can't get it back. Yeah, no, no. They're almost anatomically perfect as a human being, but no, they can't grow their own hair. One of the strangest ones that they received was that it was too heavy.

Too heavy. Okay. Of course, that would dictate... Well, it would be a dead weight, wouldn't it? It wouldn't be like you could have a lover of the same dimensions, the same weight, but they can move themselves with their muscles, but this is just straight dead weight latex.

Yeah. Otherwise you could crush yourself to death. You could. Get trapped under there and have to whack your St. John's medieval bracelet to get them to come and get the big sex toy off you. Poor St. John's. And then they said, like, so they've had, like, a bit of an issue in their in their um um contracts i guess or or

their returns policy because people are able to return these unused of course yeah um and then they're like well we've customized this or at least decently washed you give it a scrub bit of a wipe down with some detol but they're like now we're stuck with this you know twenty thousand dollar silicon human who's too hairy for anyone else because you requested the hair. And so what are we going to do with it? Apparently, they're losing about $200,000 a year in these returns because they can't do anything with it.

Oh, they've got to have a better returns policy. It should be like undies, trying on undies. You can't return those. Well, a woman tried, didn't she, recently? Well, yes. Actually got torn apart on the internet. Anyway, it's so funny. Like, I just wondered, like, the moment that you go,

this is not up, you know, up to my standard. I'm going to make a complaint. I would be so embarrassed to go, she's too heavy. I can't handle her. Or it's too hairy. My doll that I ordered is too hairy. It's too hairy. Yeah, that would be in the basket of things I'm too embarrassed to complain about.

Yes. So this is what I wanted to ask. Like, when have you had to make an embarrassing complaint? Or maybe you were on the other side and, you know, you were working in retail or hospital or something and someone made a complaint that was just super embarrassing. Well, I know a friend, I won't say details, but they worked at a spa. You know, a spa with private spas? Yes. And this wasn't necessarily a complaint.

It was a lost property call. Yes. And they had left an adult fun toy in the private spa. And so they were like... Why is this me saying it to the private spa. And so they were like. Why is this taken into the private spa? Yeah, they were ringing up to say, hey, I left this in the private spa. It's about yay long and quite thick. And they were just like retelling this story.

It's hilarious. Like, why would you? It's so embarrassing. I know it's expensive, but just let it go. Write that off. Just let it go. Because it's hilarious. Why would you? It's so embarrassing. I know it's expensive, but just let it go. Write that off. Just let it go. Because it's two levels embarrassing. I mean, one, it shouldn't be embarrassing that you own that thing, but one, it's embarrassing that you have to say

this is what I'm looking for. And two, it's embarrassing to admit, yes, I did bring this into your establishment with the full intention of using it and maybe I did. Yes! Those photos aren't on the Instagram, are they? No, they're certainly... On the popular Instagram handle slash tag. Yes. Those photos aren't on the Instagram, are they? No, they're certainly... On the popular Instagram handle slash tag. Yes.

On the particular spa that you mentioned. Yeah, I feel ill knowing I have been to said spa and now I wonder if I was sharing a tub with that guest. Anyway, that's what we want to know. If you've had to make an embarrassing complaint... Or in your work, you've had to make an embarrassing complaint or in your work you've had to deal with complaints that are quite embarrassing for these people.

Because surely at hotels people leave stuff all the time. Absolutely. I'm sure they do. Oh, 100% of the time. Or they'll go like... That reminds me, I've got to get my clothes I hung some clothes in the wardrobe. Oh my god. Yeah, don't forget those. That I've not touched since I got. I hung some clothes in the wardrobe. Oh, my God. Don't forget those. That I've not touched since I got here.

Have you received an embarrassing call at your workplace or have you had to make an embarrassing call, a complaint or just anything embarrassing that you've had to call a place and be like, hey, so, um. We're talking about when you've had to make a complaint that was really embarrassing, or maybe in your workplace someone has had to make an embarrassing complaint.

The leading manufacturer of life-size, customisable, fun, silicon, usable friends has been sharing the complaints they receive from customers. Anything from, she's a bit heavy, to, oh, too much hair on the bum. I mean, I guess if you're paying $20,000 US for one of these, you may complain. $20,000 New Zealand dollars, yeah, yeah. Absolutely, you'd complain.

You've invested a lot into this. Now, we've got Anonymous on the phone. Good morning, Anonymous. You're a courier. Yes, I am. And have you received this complaint, or have you made it? Yes courier. Yes, I am. And have you received this complaint or have you made it? Yes. Okay.

No, I received it. And what was it? So pretty much I had a release driver in and they had delivered an adult toy to the wrong place. Oh, okay. And so when I went back to the place the next day, the lady came up to me and was like, hey, look, I've got a parcel being delivered, but I don't have it. It's an adult toy. And I went, okay, no, that's fine.

I will find out where it is, and I'll get it for you and bring it to you. And so then I went to the place where it had been delivered to, and the lady was like, oh, I've opened it, but it's an adult toy. And I went, yeah, I know that. But what happened was the names are the same, but obviously the address was different. Oh, right. Yeah.

And so she'd opened it and had she taken it out of the box? No, well, so when she opened it, she was like, hold up, this is not for me. And so she was waiting for me to come back around to be like, hey, look, this has been delivered wrong. And when she looked at it, you know, the address had been delivered wrong and she was like, I don't want to deliver it there. That's embarrassing. If it was brand new, I would have opened it and been like, awesome.

Yeah, you never got it. Exactly. It must be a gift or something. It must be some kind of anonymous present. I accept, I accept. I'm imagining their names must have been like a Sarah or something. I think they were. Yeah.

It's always a Sarah. Sarah loves her tastes. Not a messy girl, our Sarah. Thanks for your call. Emma, when did you receive an embarrassing complaint or make one? Well, we went to, so I went to my cousin's stag do over in Martinborough. Yeah. And obviously, you know, well, it's stag do over in Martinborough. Yeah.

And obviously, you know, well, it's a hen's night. It's all fun. So there's some adult things around. Yeah. And we had attached one to a floating pool flamingo. Okay. Of course, of course. As you do. Makes a lot of sense.

A ring toss, obviously. You've got to have it. And we obviously left the next day and forgot about it. So we're from Wellington, so we were obviously driving back when we realised. So we had to send a message to the gentleman to let him know. So he had to grab it himself. And we also found out from him that day

that he was very grateful we had let him know because he was actually bringing his family and his kids to the pool. So he had to run in before his family went in to find this flamingo and just close it himself and he replied

do you want me to keep it and send it to you? Did you say no? I mean, yeah, we were kind of like, well, it was just for fun, but yeah,

you can keep it if you want it. Yeah, yeah, do with it what you please, good sir. Oh my, I just imagine that call that you had to explain,

it's tied to it. It was really awkward. Yeah, did you have to make that call personally? No, my friend did, thankfully. Amazing.

Emma, thanks for your call, some messages in. I have a feeling is this going to be all adult fun toy related? No, no, there's some drugs as well. I used to work at a hotel and someone called saying that they had left behind a considerable sized bag of marijuana in one of the rooms and if they could just tell you that at reception,

we'll pop in and grab it soon. Oh, just no. You're ringing up asking for your illegal drugs. Yeah, and they become an accessory, don't they? Oh, yeah. Depends on the country. Yeah, if they agree to take your big bag of illegal drugs down to reception and give it back to you rather than reporting it.

Say I thought it was oregano? They seem to be really into, like, pizzas and lovely tomato sauces. Sure. I mean, they could try. Try, yeah. They could try. We own a holiday park, reads another message. A guest came to reception one day with a riding crop,

you know, like those little whips that people who ride horses have? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Slaps and said, this is not ours. They'd found it under the bed. We rang the previous guests and they said they'd pick it up next time they passed through town. They must have been in for an event, like a horse event. A pony club.

Yeah, a pony club. However, with some Facebook stalking of the previous guests, there was not a single horse in either of their public profiles. Oh, yep. And if you own a horse, that horse is in your profile pic. Horse people love. It's the same with truck drivers. profile pics. Oh, yep. And if you own a horse, that horse is in your profile pic. Of course. People love. It's the same with truck drivers. If you're a truck driver,

the picture of your truck has got to be a cover photo. You could have eight, you know, 10 out of 10 beautiful children that aren't Angelica behaviour, but if you're a truck driver, it's got to be a photo of your Scania.

Absolutely. Or your big Mac. I work in a pharmacy and I've had on multiple occasions people coming in with complaints about other pharmacies. What? They're fishing for answers because they did not like the answers that the pharmacy

had given them, only to tell me their symptoms or whatever. I give the same reply and they said, you're as bad as they are. Oh, right. Like, sorry ma'am, you've got chlamydia. No, I don't.

I go somewhere else. Yes. I'm after a second opinion. That's chlamydia. I'm after a third opinion. I'm after a fourth opinion. Why does everyone think I have chlamydia? I was on deployment with the army.

I was in charge of giving feedback back to our platoon commander who had decided he wasn't going to shower and I was elected to be the one that had to give him that news. Oh no. Yeah, you've got to make that embarrassing complaint. I have a friend who ran restaurants and I

remember him saying the worst part of the job is having to talk to staff about personal hygiene. Just say like, yo, stank. Well, have a shower. Here's some pre-deodorant. Yeah, that's all right if someone who's under you in the structure, but to say it to your commander, that's the person above you, right?

Yeah. Oh, God. Awkward. That's my worst nightmare. And while we're at it, Vaughan, have a shower. I'm literally in a different country. How bad do I smell? Yeah, that's how bad it is, bro. That's how worst nightmare. And while we're at it, Vaughn, have a shower. I'm literally in a different country. How bad do I smell? Yeah, that's how bad it is.

That's how bad. Yeah. ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. Coming to you from different locations this morning. I'm in the studio. Hayley's at home because she's filming up the road at the great baking Kiwi show. You bake Kiwis. And Vaughn

comes to us from Disneyland. I love a honey glazed Kiwi. I'll tell you that much. Oh, wow. Yeah. Soy. Soy honey. Yeah. With sesame seeds like a popcorn style. Spring onions. Yeah. Good stuff. Popcorn

fried Kiwi. Yeah. I'm really looking forward to the episode of baked keriru as well. Oh, I tell you what, it's a good episode. I don't think you'll be cancelled quite soon, Sproul, when these episodes come out. I'm getting some good meals before that happens, so who cares? They're running out of bloody ingredients,

the way they're getting through those native birds. We even managed to get our hands on a slice of moa. Which is amazing. How you managed. Gamy? Yeah. Gamy. Gamy and chewy. Gamy and chewy. Speaking of chewy. Oh yeah, that was good. Yes! I'm so proud of you, Star Wars Segway.

Yeah, I've been in LA for like, I don't know, how long have I been here for? Five days? Four days? Five days? Four days? Five days? At Disneyland Celebration. And gosh, I've just had the bestest of times. I've been so excited.

People have messaged me because I've been Instagramming quite a bit of it, saying, I don't know anything about Star Wars, but boy, the childish exuberance and joy that you're really putting out there has put a smile on my face. And I said, well, that's all that matters. You have been like a little kid on this trip. I have. It's been a joy to watch. That's why we were worried about you getting COVID pre this trip because you would have been in a depressed.

Oh, I would have been so, and I didn't even know what I was missing out on before I got here. But, you know, now that I've been, I can think, man, I'm so lucky I didn't get COVID beforehand and don't have COVID now. I just had a test so I can come home. And, oh yeah, it's so much fun.

I reckon my favourite clip, Vaughan, was you in some kind of conference centre and cult-like there was a moment where everyone raised their lightsabers and then all at once went vroom and lit them up. So that was at Disneyland on Friday night. They did a special Star Wars night. They kicked everybody else out that wasn't part of the special Star Wars.

Get out, kids. And they said at 10.30, we're all meeting at the Millennium Falcon and we're all going to do like an ignition of the lightsabers. And it was so rad. You can totally see how people get and it's the same look at your stupid face the anaheim conference center is insanely massive like they said oh there's gonna be these panels i'm like oh okay cool media get to ask questions to like creators of star wars but there were

in the seating is like it can be used for sports. Think Spark Arena but bigger and set up specifically for conferences. Wow. So there's that many people. It's just packed with Star Wars fans. And you can totally see how those Pentecostal churches, when there's thousands of people around you and they're all screaming and you just kind of –

Jesus. Swept up except we weren't like, praise best Jesus. We were like, Obi-Wan, save us, Obi-Wan. You're our only hope. Oh, baby. Baby Grogu. Baby Grogu. Give it up for baby Grogu.

Take all my money. Take all my money. It's been so great, yeah. We got over the, I don't think last time I talked on air to you guys, we hadn't had the specific panel for like The Mandalorian and Book of Boba Fett and Dave Filoni and Jon Favreau who are doing the live TV stuff for Disney+. And of course, Obi-Wan's out,

but these guys talked about what's next. We got an extended look at Mandalorian Season 3, which was so good. That looks like it's going to be amazing. And then just for the Star Wars nerds out there, Rosario Dawson came out because she's playing Ahsoka in a new live action series. And then they brought out the,

you know how every Star Wars has a droid? Like the originals had R2-D2. The sequels had BB-8. So Ahsoka's from the TV show Rebels got one called Chopper, who looks like the droid I made at Disneyland, at the droid making. And he actually came out like a full-size functional in-person. Now, did I see Tim Ueda Morrison did a haka?

People, like Star Wars people, love Uncle Tim. Yeah. He came out and just the crowd went crazy. And so he came out and did a haka for everyone. And everyone was just losing their minds at his hucker. He did full hucker, it wasn't, he just didn't come out and give it, you know, a token

go. He gave it a full hucker. It took him ages to catch his breath afterwards. He wasn't some 21 year old on his owie at the Outback in London, doing it half-assed. Yeah, knew what he was saying. Yeah, and he talked about how, yeah, he's, because in the prequels, of course, he was the clones.

So there's literally millions and millions of Star Wars characters that have his face. And he talks about how he always loves just meeting Star Wars fans. And he was like a fan on stage. He was like videoing Pedro Pascal as he was talking from down the thing and taking the video of the robot when it came out.

He's just like still got that real Kiwi charm of just being like blown away by everything. Vaughn, being surrounded by all these people, did you make any friends, any lifelong Star Wars friends? Nope. Just kept to yourself, did you? Yep. You didn't talk to anyone else?

Nope. Okay. Nope. You don't need friends. You could have made some lifelong pen pals. Fellow nerds. I know. Nope.

Missed opportunity. Also, I'm a little concerned. I was here with Stacey who. Oh, yeah. Stacey is Ross Boss's wife, and she also works for Disney in New Zealand so we've known each other for years so we just hung out, it was all good

So I'm a little concerned that your flight is this afternoon and you have so far shown us a lightsaber, you've built a full droid you've got gifts, you've got all this stuff, you're wearing a little a new jumper

of some kind, how are you going to get it all home? You haven't planned all this stuff, you're wearing a new jumper of some kind. How are you going to get it all home? You haven't planned for this, have you? I've got a suitcase but it was pretty full on the way over. So I might need to buy another suitcase. Oh God. I don't know how I'm going to get it all to the place where we

buy a suitcase. I don't know. It's the old smithy. Everything always falls into place. I miss COVID to get here. I don't know. It's the old smithy. Everything always falls into place. I miss COVID to get here. I don't have COVID to get home. No, someone helps you make it fall into place. This is Stacey's probably out looking for a suitcase. Now, also, you're wearing your, like, R&V wristbands.

Are you ever taking those off? Because you've been very vocal in the past about people that wear R&B wristbands past the festival. Oh, no, no, I'm absolutely taking these off. Yeah, absolutely. I might pop back in for one last look after the show today before the celebration ends, but then definitely these are coming off. I'm not

being that guy who keeps them on to show you how he went to Northern Base. And you've got a VIP pass. Yeah. That does say VIP. I might wear my media. Is it cool if I wear my, like, media lanyard for a little bit? Yeah, that's really cool.

Yeah, I'm in the media. I'm in the media. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. A woman on TikTok is having a moan. Crazy. Oh, God. Get in line, hey? Oh, my God.

Absolutely. She's having a moan I think she does a series Called Things Couples Things I Wish Couples Would Stop Doing Wonder why she doesn't Is she like Is she like one of those singles

That loves being single But you can tell It's mostly because She's like bitter That she can't find anybody That she finds problems With couples Absolutely

Her hashtag is Cool that's always fun. Yeah, so much fun. Hashtag a single revolution. Anyway, so this is one of those series and her complaint is how couples insist on sitting next to each other at dinner. So say you're out with a big group that you go, Vaughan and Sade are here,

Hayley and Aaron are here, Fletch and Major Murray Fluffington are here, and everyone's in their partnerships. I've been told by restaurants to stop bringing him. I know, they're like, it's unhygienic, it's unhygienic. But she said, you know, it's so annoying,

it's such a stupid thing to do. And then we put this in the group chat saying, you know, should we talk about this on the show? And then I was like, Aaron and I very rarely sit next to each other at dinner, whether it's at someone's house or we go out. We always sit with others. Maybe it's like Downton Abbey and we sit by class, you know. You had a private school upbringing, so you sit at the head of the table.

He's down there with the decile. With the decile ones. Ten, whatever. Is ten the worst? No, ten's the best. Ten's the best. Oh, yeah, okay. Ten's the best, Fletch.

That's why you make me sit down the other end of the table because I went to a decile one primary school. Absolutely, I do. Yeah, okay. I see. But I love it because often, because I would usually go, if Aaron is so safe, it's like a double date, there's four of us. Yeah.

We tend to go opposite each other and then next to another person from the other couple. You mean like diagonal? Would you sit on the, if it was a four-person table where you sat, oh, two on one side, two on the other, would you go diagonal? Or are you talking like one person on each side of... I don't even know, I don't even think we care, but I just know we very

rarely sit next to each other. What if it was like a giant table, say it was a BYO that was like 10 or 12 people, would you be comfortable sitting at different ends? Because maybe some of her friends were down there, some of his friends were up there. You wouldn't care? Absolutely. And we have different interests, you know,

and we have different socialising styles. Aaron would, I mean, to be fair, Aaron would rather just not be at the BYO. Whereas you would love to be there. Whereas I'm working the table. I'm absolutely working the table. What about you, Vaughan? You and Sade, when you go and have dinner out or about?

I think we always sit next to each other. Like, for the start, anyway, later on you might move around the table a little bit or Sade will go to talk people and I'll just go to the end of the table where no one's sitting in an effort to be left alone, wondering why Aaron didn't have to come to this BYO if I had to come to the BYO. Because I want to be at home. Yeah. But no, I think we mostly sit next to each other

for a start, mostly because we don't trust each other at all. Yeah, who knows, she might be off finding a new husband. That'd be right up her alley, finding someone new. And I'm out here flirting with anything that moves, you know. Guys,

girls, waitstaff. Oh God, yeah, you're a dinner pest. Such a dinner pest, man. With the CD guest on, anyway, I'm out here flirting with anything that moves, you know. Guys, girls. Oh, God, yeah. You're a dinner pest. Such a dinner pest, man. With a CD. I'm a restaurant pest. I'm a pest-a-rant. If you have a big table of people, you've really got to work out who's sitting where, though, I think. Oh, my God, yes.

Cooper Enthusiasm in the latest season had a great episode of the middle. What is it? The person in the middle of the table has to carry the conversation. Yes. Don't they? They have to be the great pleaser. Yes, yeah. And then Larry David would often be that person.

He would be able to like carry a party. And then they tried out someone else in the middle, right? And the party went bust. Yeah. I'm a good middler. So we did put this up on our Instagram to find out how people felt about it. The majority of people, 80% of people, did say that they do sit next to their partner

every single time. But some responses, Alice said, I talk to my partner every day. I'm ready to talk to other people. You couldn't agree? I couldn't agree more. Oh, Ash says usually the boys sit together and the girls sit together. So they have a goss and they talk about golf. Is that what happens?

That's what boys talk about. Always golf, yeah. Always. Yeah, Amy, this probably pertains to you. Vaughn, they sit next to each other so that when they're ready to leave, they can give each other that nod, that nudge, like, this guy, I'm out. No, Amy, you've got to try this new thing I've been doing

where you just stand up and you just say loudly, I think I'm ready to leave now. Yeah. And that's really great. It really lets everybody know you're ready to leave. Yeah. Another good reason to sit next to each other, I guess, is sharing food, you know, so you can shove a fork in their plate.

Yeah. A lot of awkward couples, you know, so they're going like, the only people they're not awkward around is each other, so they have to. And then they, Katie says that they sit together so that they don't end up telling the same stories at different ends of the table, which is embarrassing. I'd be like, yeah,

Katie's already told me that. Yeah, I would say sit and listen to me tell it and tell me who told it better, me or Katie. And then if I win, I go around the table and I make everybody say who told the story better. Really, you know, get them voting, get them to pick a favourite. What a fun dinner party activity. It's speech competition and we've all got the same subject.

Yeah, it's a debate, basically. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Now, I have been at Star Wars Celebration for a few days. Fanatical Star Wars fans travel from all over the world, and this year in Anaheim in Los Angeles, next to Disneyland with Galaxy's Edge being open. But lots of conferences and panels and cosplay and all sorts of things.

And one thing I noticed was how many people have Star Wars tattoos. Oh, yeah. It occurred to me that Star Wars, you know, the famous writing, you know, the slogan? Yes. Very famous. Yeah, the block letters. By the way, there's a six-part documentary coming out about ILM,

that's Industrial Light and Magic, that was kind of started as part of Star Wars. And George Lucas ran it and they made up special effects and were like leaps and bounds ahead of everybody else. The guy that designed that logo for Star Wars did it overnight because they said, oh, we've taken this to the printers, we need a new, what do you think of this logo? And he was like, ooh, yuck, it's terrible.

And they said, can you fix it? And he's like, ah, I suppose so. And he did it for free. He did it just like overnight for free. Oh, no. Well, this is why people that do design love doing invites and stuff for their friends for free. Yeah. Because the Star Wars guy set a precedent.

Yeah. He did it for free. And now he said if he had a penny for every time it had been printed, he wouldn't need to do Star Wars panels anymore, and everybody laughed. And then I started keeping an eye out for the writing in Star Wars. Granted, we're at a Star Wars convention, but everywhere.

And then I noticed, like, the tattoos. So it's the logo that people have. It's not, like, a character. Oh, no, people are covered in Star Wars tattoos here. Like intricate, like full sleeves, and it's like works from Chewbacca, the Ewok, down to Chewbacca and the Ewoks at the top, down to like droids at the bottom.

Insane, but they all have that Star Wars logo in there somewhere. And I'm like, effectively, you're getting a brand tattooed on you. I mean, it's their passion. They love Star Wars. But you think about it, effectively, it's like saying, I love Ford cars. So you go and get the Ford logo tattooed on you. Oh, there'd be people with Ford logos.

There would be so many of those, I reckon. Harley Davidson. That's another one. The classic Playboy stamp. That's a brand stamp? Exactly, it's a brand. That would have been more in the 90s, 2000s, right? The Playboy.

Is it? Oh, no. Okay. Okay, so a quick Google. I've got the five most popular brand tattoos. Now, this is the way they've found these by the looks is they've gone hashtags on Instagram. So someone gets a tat, they hashtag it, and that's the most. So I've got the top five Nike.

The swoosh. Yeah. Why would you get the swoosh? Just to remind yourself to keep just doing it. Well, yeah, and if you give up your athletic career and, you know, you get a bit pudgy, that's going to look more like a cloud, I guess. Yeah, like a torn apart cloud.

Lego is the fourth most popular brand tattoo. Harley Davidson is three. Two Nintendo. Wow. That would be all the characters, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Lots of Mario tattoos.

And Disneyland. Disney with nearly half a million hashtags. Disney tattoos, which would be your Star Wars or anything, wouldn't it? Well, anything that Disney owns now could totally, they could lay claim to that being a Disney tattoo. But that's the other thing at Disneyland, the amount of people with Mickey Mouse silhouette tattoos. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. It was crazy. Our very own New Zealand comedian, Justine Smith, I believe she has at least three Disney tattoos. She's a huge Disney fan. When I told her I was going to Disneyland, I think she wanted to stab me and wear my skin. Yeah, she did.

And take my place. I can understand, you know, the look of like, say you've got a Star Wars tattoo and you maybe get a character or like a lightsaber or something. But the actual, just the text, Star Wars, is strange. Because, yeah, it's a logo. Like, it's not something of the world.

It's just a logo. Okay, do you know what? I've got the list, the full list, that carries on. I think we've got to take some calls this morning. Yeah. Because number six on the list after Nike, Nike, Nike, whatever, Vans. Who's getting a Vans logo? Like if you're a skater, you're getting a Vans logo?

Yeah, or like punky scar kids. Do you love a brand enough that you can think of? Do you even love a brand enough to wear its T-shirt? I don't know if I could put a Moochie tattoo on me. I don't know that I'm that passionate. Okay. Number 21 on the list of the most brand tattoos, Netflix. Who's getting a Netflix tattoo?

Who's getting a Netflix tattoo? Who's getting a Netflix tattoo? What are you talking about? We've got to take some calls. 0800-DARLS-IT-M. What brand name or logo Do you have tattooed? If you've got monster energy There will be

There'll be monster energy 100% And you've got to be careful with what brand you align yourself with Remember my Prince Andrew tattoo? Yeah I know And the lasering for that because it was really dark And the thing is You'd had your Michael Jackson tattoo

covered up with Prince Andrew. Oh, no. Hadn't you? Now I'm getting that changed to Princess Sandshrew, like a Pokemon. So hopefully that does nothing wrong. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

A female Princess Sandshrew. My Bill Cosby back piece. That's a nightmare to remove. Yeah, yeah. I mean, who are you going to turn that into? All right. 0800-DARLS.M, we want to know if you've got a logo of a company tattooed on you or you know someone that has a company's logo,

a brand tattooed on them. I have been noticing a plethora of tattoos at the Star Wars convention I'm at, a lot of Star Wars ones, and literally some people just have the Star Wars logo. Iconic though. One of the most iconic cinema logos. But effectively they are tattooed with a brand.

So we want to know, do you love a brand so much that you've effectively branded your body with their brand? And somebody's worked out by Instagram posts and hashtags that Disney and Star Wars would fall under the Disney category, is the most popular brand type of tattoo.

I've got the full list of like 30 or 40. And some of these are insane. Like, why would you get an Oreos tattoo? Like, are you getting a tattoo of an Oreo or the logo? Because they're vegan, and it's the only joy they get in the world is Oreos. But, you know, all your big lists, all your big brands are on this list. Let's start with...

Oh no, no, you go. You go. We'll start with Sarah. Sarah, what's your brand tattoo? I have a full sleeve of Winnie the Pooh characters. Well there you go, you're not alone. It's the most popular brand tattoo, Disney, in the whole world. So who have you got? You've got Pooh, Tigger? I've got Pooh,

Tigger, Tigger, Roo, Kanga. I've got Christopher Robin. I've got Eeyore, Owl, Rabbit. What are they all just having a picnic? What are they doing? They're in a tree. They're in Winnie the Pooh's tree. That's pretty cute.

This is really cute. I've got a friend, similar vibe. He has all the characters from Where the Wild Things Are in a sleeve. I suppose that's not really a brand though, is it? It's not really. It can be. Where the Wild Things Are, but yeah.

Yeah. Oh, good on you. You know that Where the Wild Things Are, the characters are associated with it, but yeah, it's not. Yeah. Sarah, thanks. You're cool. Chanel, what's your brand tattoo? Good morning. I have the Chanel logo tattooed on my wrist. Because you might forget. Because your name's Chanel?

My name is Chanel, yes, and it's about the same, and it was my first tattoo when I was 18. Right. Oh, yeah. So you've got the C, you've got the backwards-facing C, the forwards-facing C, and then Chanel written underneath. No, it's just the backwards C and the forwards C

with the circle around it. Oh, you're slightly subtle. Oh, you're the circle, the circle. Some people may laugh at that now, but when you're in a rhyme

in retirement home and you can't remember your name, you've always got it. You've always got your name, haven't you? Yep, that's right. If you can't remember

your name, I'm pretty sure you're not going to be able to remember what logo that's for. Yeah, well, that's true. Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't want to shit on everybody's dreams here

of getting tattoos of brands that they share a name with so they remember their name when they've got dementia, but I'm afraid we have to be a little bit more realistic. Chanel, thanks, Nicole. Nicole, what's your brand tattoo? Well, it's supposed to be a double infinity, but it actually looks like an Audi symbol. Oh, right, okay.

Audi car. Right, so yours is an unintentional brand tattoo. Yes, yeah. Everyone keeps on looking at it and they're like, you must love Audi. Do you drive an Audi to try to make up for it? No, no, I don't. I wish I did. Do you drive an Audi as if

I'm making it sound like it's easy to buy an Audi I feel like it's too late though because I've had it for 10 years so it's too late for that Also mathematically are you aware that one infinity is enough I mean you know I was 18 so

You can't have two infinities. Yeah. Yeah, that's a lot to think about when you're 18. Nicola, thanks for calling. Some messages in on the text machine. I know someone with the Gucci G on their arm. They're probably called Gucci, like Chanel was called Chanel. Yeah, they probably are.

Gucci. Gucci is 17 on the most popular brand names list, tattoo-wise. Oh, that's sad. I feel like anyone with a Gucci tattoo definitely doesn't shop at Gucci, though. You know what I mean? They do when Bali or Thailand reopens, I think. Yeah, the Hong Kong ladies markets. Yeah, yeah.

Someone said, I love my bickies. I've got Griffins, the Griffins tattooed logo tattooed across my chest. The logo? Across your chest. I feel like Griffin's. That's going to be a lifetime supply of biscuits in my mind. Yeah. Did they win a competition where Griffin's said if you get a tattoo,

you get a free packet every month? I don't know. I knew radio stations did those sorts of competitions. Speaking of which, someone said I've got ZDM on my lower back. I'm really sorry about that. Now that we've matured as a station, I feel we should offer you a laser tattoo removal service. Absolutely.

I think that might have been before. I don't know if we can afford that. Maybe just scrub it with a steelo. We've got to make up for our past mistakes. I've seen a few Willie the Waiter tattoos from the Waikato beer. Lots of lads from the Waikato have Willie the Waiter beer tattoos. That's the little logo from the beer. I have AJ Hackett.

I have the AJ Hackett logo tattooed on me as well as the Hellenstein Brothers logo. What? The Hellenstein's logo? The suits are cheap enough. You don't need the tattoo to get a further discount. Yeah, you get a suit and a shirt for $200. Wow, okay. tattoo to get a further discount. Yeah, you get a suit and a shirt for $200. Wow.

Okay. I've got the South Sydney Rabbitohs tattoo up the bunnies. I know league fans get very passionate. Truck drivers, also hearing from a lot of truck drivers, and we know they're a passionate bunch. My husband's mate drives a Kenworth and he has a Kenworth tattoo on his back.

Someone said, I'm a truck driver. One of our ex-drivers got a big Scania logo tattooed on his calf. He's since left and now drives a different brand of truck. I just remembered my brother has a Broncos tattoo. He does have a Brisbane Broncos. He does. He's got a Brisbane Broncos. He's a big fan, Hayley.

Big fan. Wow. My wife has the Iron Man brand tattoo. No, I'm not sure if that's Iron Man the Marvel superhero play by Robert Downey Jr Iron Man or Iron Man the insane physical feat that people undertake I know that that's a big thing if you do an Iron Man you get the tattoo to be like

I did the Iron Man it'll be the Iron Man comp I mean good on ya but when you're old no one cares do they? I don't think anyone cares now and you can just get them, like, you can just take it to a tattoo artist and say, can you do that? Yeah, there's no...

Exactly, yeah. My douche of an ex-husband has a DV export tattoo on his arm. It's not even that good a beard. No, I'd give you that. I don't think it's quite good enough to warrant a tattoo. Oh, add a pinch. Refreshing on a hot day if it's cold enough. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Refreshing on a hot day if it's cold enough.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. My uncle has a tattoo of the Two Degrees logo. That's the telco there. Why? That was a competition, surely. I know a guy with a tattoo of the genie from Aladdin coming out of his bum hole. Oh, my God. I kind of want to see it. out of his bum hole. What? Oh, my God.

I kind of want to see it. I want to see it 100%. I hope that's not inappropriate to us. Don't take me to HR for too much. Do you have to rub his bottom for it to? Oh, my gosh. He's going to give it a soft rub. Soft rub and it just comes out. The problem with having a genie up your ass

is every time you poo and wipe your bum, you've got to come up with three more wishes, don't you? I've got everything I need at this point. Yeah. Three more. I don't know. Never to have to wipe my bum again and be one of them at this stage. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Like in the garden The things they do for us Oh sure I'm sure they contribute a lot to society But I just hate them They pay their taxes Yeah As a kid they'd always be

On the wet path after the rain Bingo And you'd be like Why do you think they Come out of the earth when it rains? Probably because their home's been flooded again. Yeah. Flooding.

That was a long-held belief in things that apparently children are still taught, but it's not the truth. If you think they come out of the earth because when it rains, the earth gets so wet that they can't breathe under there. You are a dumb idiot. You fool. I'm a dumb idiot. You're a dumb idiot. Well, I'm about to make you a less dumb idiot.

Because they don't come out because they can't breathe. They actually breathe through their skin. They don't have lungs. They absorb oxygen from around them. Okay. And when it rains, water doesn't penetrate the earth like we believe it does. It would take a torrential downpour,

a sustained torrential downpour to fully waterlog the earth to the point where the worms couldn't breathe. Does it just sit on top? It's not that. Pardon me? Is it just sitting on top? Yeah, it sits on top or it rolls off or it slowly soaks in. I don't know. A worm can survive in water. Is it just sitting on top? Yeah, it sits on top or it rolls off or it slowly soaks in. But it would have to be...

I don't know. A worm can survive in water. It could be in water for an extended period of time and still be able to get the oxygen it needs from the water. Like a bath. It's having a little bath. Okay. So apparently it's because the sound that the rain makes

when it hits the top of the earth replicates the vibrations caused by predators. Okay, so lots of heavy rain freaks them out. Yeah. But then why do they go to the top then? It's not always bird predators. It's little burrowing predators. Overseas, things like the mole.

Oh yeah. In New Zealand, it could be rabbits. It could be anything that digs in. The kiwi can actually hunt worms better out of the ground because it can sort of sense locate them than it can on the top because you know how it goes in with

its beak? Yeah. Yeah. It's got a big beak. It burrows in with its beak. Okay. It's like it can't pick them up as easily on the top apparently. So yeah, they do that. And also when they're up on the surface, other times that they come up onto the surface during rain is because it's an easier time for them to traverse greater distances.

So if it's wet, they can come up and they can travel a couple of metres and then dive back down rather than push their way through earth. Well, obviously, yeah. Yeah, because they can slip, slide across, but sometimes they end up on the footpath, right, and then it stops raining and it gets really hot because it's summer, and then they get dried out and turn into, sometimes they look like

bent, rusty nails. They do, yeah. But don't they know that if they come up to the surface and go on the footpath they're going to die? Does die die either way for worms? It's die die, but possibly a chance of success. So maybe for every, I have not done the numbers,

but for every worm that ends up dried out on a footpath, there might be 50 worms that maybe got to where they wanted to go. Wow, yeah, true. God, it must be hard being a worm. That puts life into perspective, doesn't it? That's the takeaway from our show this morning. God, it's hard to be a worm. Yeah.

You think your life's hard? Imagine being you as a worm. Next time you're having a bad day, just count your blessings. You're not a worm. Last time I was a worm, someone was firing missiles at me. Remember that game? Worms. Worms.

On PlayStation. That was a great game. It was a great game. I want to play Worms. Worms. On PlayStation. That was a great game. It was a great game. Oh, to play Worms now? Yeah. They did a re-release of Worms. They do, but it's really expensive because I had a tinge of nostalgia recently and I was like, Worms!

And then I was like, I'm not paying that. For F'ing Worms? For Worms, yeah. So today's fact of the day worms and then I was like, I'm not paying that for worms. So today's fact of the day is that when worms come up out of the ground when it's raining, it's not because they're worried about drowning in their little homes.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Are you packing your suitcase? Okay, I'm 100% going to need to go and find another suitcase. And a long one too, the one that accommodates the lightsabers because I have. Okay. I was like,

oh, I'm not doing too bad and then I turned around. None of my clothes are in my suitcase. I found a bag of stuff I've bought people that's not in the suitcase. Yeah.

Oh, I know there's broadcasting gear. This isn't anywhere yet. Okay. Okay. You are going to need an extra suitcase. Vaughan coming back

from Disney. You're coming back tonight and so you'll be on the show maybe tomorrow? Should be on the show tomorrow, yes. We'll get you a ride from the airport. A little bit late. A study's been done in America where you are currently, Vaughan, where you find yourself, and it's great news. A survey has found that dad bods are in.

So 70% of women that were asked in this study say dad bods are absolutely in and very sexy. Here's my take on why. Guys that have like super well sculpted bodies are high maintenance. They spend a lot of time working on themselves, which is less time they can spend. With their partner. ...fawning all over their partners. And he's attractive, right? So there's that constant worry of,

is this guy going to... Cheat on me. ...find someone more attractive than me? And you go out for dinner, he's not going to have all the fun stuff and he's not going to get dessert. Oh, my God. He's definitely not going to get dessert.

So 61% of women say dad bods are attractive. 49% said they're downright sexy. Downright sexy. Downright sexy. So there you go. And 47% of respondents say they prefer a man with a dad bod over someone who's muscular. And yeah, one in five saying

the dad bod's the new six pack. So that's great news after a pandemic, isn't it? Don't bother. Yeah, because this was talked about pre-pandemic and then I wondered what was happening, where we're at. It's just good to see the dad bod's still in fashion. Yeah. Because I haven't put any

effort into mine being anything other than exactly that. Yeah. For a long, long time. Do you know that Jim tried to call me the other day when I was here? Did I tell you this? No.

What, like on roaming? I'm on roaming. I'm on roaming. And I missed a call. And I was like, I don't know that number. I'm not answering it, even though there's so many minutes included in my roaming thing.

Yeah. I was like, I'm not answering that. And I got a message. It's someone from the gym. I haven't seen you for thing. Yeah. I was like, I'm not answering that. I'm going to message someone from the gym. I haven't seen you for a while. And I was like eating a caramel apple at the time. I was like, piss off. Leave me alone. I'm at Disneyland.

I know that I've been to the Cheesecake Factory three times since I got here. And my gosh, if I can squeeze another one in before the airplane tonight, I totally will.