ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 30th September 2022

Episode Date: September 29, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Download, scan and play the Monopoly game at Macca's to be in to win. The weekend is here. Busy weekend. I'm flying to Wellington and performing some comedy tonight

at the Michael Fowler Centre. I hope it's highbrow comedy and you don't talk about your vagina again. Is it the same? Oh, wow. Okay. Come on, Hayley. It's more subtle than my last set that you would have seen. It's more subtle.

And then I fly back so early the next day, so no drinky-poos. Presumptuous of you to think I saw it. No, I know you didn't. I was talking to Fletch. Or on the television. And then I fly back. Do you remember that time I came and supported you

at the comedy gala? Do you know what? I walked out on that stage and I saw you. Yeah. And I I fly back. Do you remember that time I came and supported you at the Comedy Gala? Do you know what? I walked out on that stage and I saw you. Yeah. And I thought, there's my friend. Remember that time I would do five shows with you a week and then do a TV show that takes hours as well? How much do I need?

What? So you just remember that time that you did your job? Yeah. But I think what he's saying is he sees you enough. I see it. I see it. I see it. I see it.

It's something of mystery. Anyway, I've got to be a well-behaved girl, though, tonight, and I love a drink when I'm in Wellington. My bestie's going to be there. All the comedians are there. But no, no, no. Hayley's going back to the Ibis in Featherston Street. What did you say?

Look at the face! Look at the face! What face? No judgment. It's the Ibis. Are you doing an impression Of an ibis? In Featherstone

The bird Stop casting Wasn't that in That MIQ hotel? Oh god Anyway We're going there And then

The next morning I'm going to get up at 5.30 I'm catching an early flight home Because I'm going to a wedding You're going to a wedding? I'm going to a wedding I'm going to get all frocked up And

And then get all fucked up Do you know Speaking of I don't know if that is that MIQ hotel or not. Jetpack's opening, baby. Jetpack in Auckland by the airport, the original MIQ facility and the one that. The first one. Yeah. And the one that you got shipped to if you were in another MIQ facility and you turned it out to have COVID, they shipped you back.

Jetpack's open. And do you know what it's rebranded as? What? Jet Park! It's not rebranding! They needed to change their name. They needed to paint it. It hasn't even been painted.

No, that name is done, eh? Even when I'm just driving past, I put my jumper in my mouth and I'm like, ooh, the Jet Park. It still had the big temporary fencing to keep those horribly diseased people within its borders up. Like last time I drove past. Yeah, that needs a rebrand. You can't. My parents loved pre-pandemic.

Loved a jet park. Did they? They'd drive. I think me and John stayed there once. Because they'd drop you at the airport, but you could leave your car there. Yeah. And your car would be there, and then they'd come and pick you up and then drop you off in your car and you were straight away

you were out. I get the convenience but I don't know. But now I wonder if they will. Because some of the hotels did rebrand and some of them

had a full like re-fit. Obviously you want all of them to be able to bounce back. It's not their fault that they got taken over but if there was just

one hotel in New Zealand that was synonymous with the pandemic that's it but you think about it had full accommodation for like three years when no one else

had any oh you don't piss on too much and I'm pretty sure the government hired a rug doctor and they are steaming mad at dirt and COVID

yeah as it turns out anyway I'm gonna have a great weekend I hope you do too play ZN's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley And COVID, as it turns out. Anyway, I'm going to have a great weekend. I hope you do too. Play ZN's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you, Sam.

Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Happy Friday. Good morning. Good morning to you, listener. How are you, listener? I hope you're well, listener. I hope you're excited about the day that is ahead of you.

I feel responsible for setting the tone for the rest of your day, listener. Yes, listener. Remember, yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a gift or something about the present. Tomorrow. Your motivational speech is really something. That's why your kids talk. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why your kids talk. Yesterday's history, tomorrow is a mystery.

Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. Oh, my God. Make the most of today, listener. We thank you for choosing to spend your morning with us, listener. Be productive for yourself, listener, and for the greater good of Mother Aotearoa. That's right.

You've woken up this morning in a newly formed communist nation. Get out there and work, work, work, work, work, work, work. I think Rihanna said that. She wrote that communist anthem. You've got to work, work, work, work, work for no money but some bread and some food tokens and everybody's earning the same now because we're communists. Work, work, work, work, work. Can't wait to get our grey jumpsuits. I am looking forward to leaving this job to go straight to my other job tilling the fields.

Oh, you would actually. With my oxen. Thank you, Mr. He actually sounds like your dream. Hatcher, hatcher! Has your cow had a baby yet? Go, oxen! Yeah.

I think you're stringing us along. Making this up. Oh, yeah. Is there a baby cow or not? Like... Any day? Who are the... What is that called where people fake an event

and then it never ends up happening and then they get another event out of grieving the event? There's a term for it. Oh, lying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like a serial liar, but... Right. Compulsive liar.

Yeah, maybe. But no, I'm not. There's no baby cow yet. Okay. Coming up on the show this morning, Secret Sound is back at 7 and 8. Your chance to win that cash, $100,000 to Jackpot. And a special big announcement at 8 o'clock this morning.

A concert announcement. You were tickled by this. Yeah, it's a good lineup. There's going to be some very happy people. Eight o'clock, all the details. The top six on the way. Yeah, statistics have shown that it is cheaper to work from home than go into the office.

For you, the worker. Well, I guess you're not spending fuel. Yeah, transport, parking, if that needs to be happening when you get there. Sushi. Well, don, if that needs to be happening when you get there. Sushi. All that would be associated. Well, don't go through my whole list. I've got the top six reasons it's cheaper to work from home than it is to go into work.

Well, 13 years ago today, according to Facebook memories, I dive into memories every day, not purely to feel nostalgic, but to see what statuses in old posts needs to be hidden or deleted. Yeah, it's good to know. Good to keep up with those. It's good to go back, see it, change it to who can see only me

or just deletey. Just trying not to get cancelled on the daily. Yeah. Staying ahead. Staying on the cusp of the cancellation wave. Surfing that wave for some things I thought 13 years ago. Well, 13 years ago, I enrolled in KiwiSaver. Oh.

Oh, congratulations. Congrats. Look at you. Why are we clapping? I did, though. That's good, yeah. That's really proud of you. I went high risk.

Yeah, good. I'm talking KiwiSaver With Carl Fletcher It's happening I'm choosing the provider That just plays dice Against the wall With my money

High risk baby Yeah good stuff What a hilarious update Definitely worth sharing Look at you go now Look at your graph All your contributions Gosh hasn't it

Plateaued and plummeted It's gone down hasn't it It was going gangbusters There for a while Yeah Now it's just plateaued after a big plummet. But this is the other thing. 13 years ago today, September 30th

2009 Vaughan Smith cannot wait for the day people see a photo of themselves from 2009 in Ed Hardy clothing and say, what the F was I thinking? I was sparkly and glittery and colourful and god awful.

Deep down, people who wear Ed Hardy, you know that the day is coming. Wow. Ed Hardy's back. I know. I've waited so long that it's done the full round. Ed Hardy. I never Ed Hardy'd. I'm proud to say. I never Ed Hardy'd.

For two reasons. I'm not a rhinestone guy. They're still making. I know, Hayley. I know. You look at me and you're like. Don't discount yourself. There's a rhinestone cowboy. They're still making. I know, Hayley. I know you look at me and you're like. Don't discount yourself. There's a rhinestone cowboy if ever I've seen one.

If ever I've seen one. But that and they were so expensive. Yeah. So expensive. I'm looking on their website. They've gone less for the sequin kind of rhinestone. Have they in the rebrand? It's more like... I could see you in that.

Oh, that's disgusting. Oh, my God. Listeners, think of a fire engine red combined with a university jacket combined with rhinestones and tattoos. But the university letter is the entire front, more or less. Yeah. It's just a lot of prints.

Do you know, now that you've Googled Ed Hardy, you're going to get so much sponsored. I know. So many ads. Damn it. But, I mean, some of these designs are terrible, aren't they? I mean, all of them? Show me one that's not.

You said some of these designs are terrible. You know that game you play where you see a crowd and you have to hold your breath until you see someone you'd sleep with? Yeah. Try playing the same game on the Ed Hardy website. Hold your breath till you see some design you would wear. You may pass out before you are able to inhale.

Wow. Yeah, I'm playing that with the shirts. Those are busy shirts. Yeah, you're going blue in the face. But that's back. Like Hayley Bieber. She's fashion Easter. Just for a moment there, I thought you were referring to yourself. As Hayley Bieber. She's fashion Easter. Just for a moment there I thought you were referring to yourself

as Hayley Bieber. As Mrs. Bieber. You're never going to marry him, hon. I don't ever want to. He's not my type. He doesn't have enough hair. He's exactly the opposite of your type. He's the antithesis. A little scrawny white guy. Oh, I know. Oh, wow. So it's back. Yeah, right. It is back. So you predicted

that some of us might look back and feel silly, but some of us are like, God, I wish I kept that. Yuck. But then all of us have been looking back. Yuck then and yuck now. A lot of us have been looking back at photos of us from the late 90s, early 2000s and thinking, God, why did we ever go that baggy? And now everyone's doing it again.

It's back. That baggy. And you're all going to be saying the same thing. I did notice today you had a wallet chain. I quite like it on you. I like it. You know, you can never be too safe with pickpockets. No, exactly.

And I said that belt seems to be about eight sizes too big for you and you pulled it tight, clamped it down and then left that other bit hanging. Yeah, I just like that hanging. I leave that hanging. Honey. Oh yeah. What are you, a skatey? Yeah, it sure looks like it.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole. Silly Little Pole today. Today. You go. Take it. Today. When having a cold drink, do you ask for ice or no ice?

No. No ice. It's a real... Why is it a Kiwi thing? To say no ice. To say no ice. Because we're bargain hunters. Yeah, yeah. You want more...

You don't want to pay for ice. We feel like we're getting ripped off and we're getting what, like a centimetre less coke. But you know, even when you go to a bar and you order like a vodka soda or something, because maybe you're on a diet, you're watching your weight. You're like, see how much ice. From bottom

to top, it's ice. Yeah, but the vodka goes in, there's still the same room for vodka. It comes at the expense of soda water. So much less drink. Because I tried. Yeah, but the vodka goes in. There's still the same room for vodka. It comes at the expense of soda water. So much less drink. Because I tried this at I like a stronger drink. Yeah.

You know Mexico, the restaurant. I'm familiar with the country. The restaurant though. Is it in the country? No, no, no. It's all around New Zealand.

Stop being silly. What kind of food is this? You've been to many Mexico with me. Thai food. I think it's an Asian fusion. The sangria jugs.

Do they do things a little bit different here? They do do things a little bit differently. They bring out the food as it's ready. The sangria jug, I was like one night, because you pay, I think the equivalent of a jug is like you get four or three and a half. And I was like, go easy on the ice this time. Yeah, boy.

But they didn't put any more in. They just filled it like they normally do. They know. And I was like, well, I was hoping like maybe to get an extra three sangrias in that jug. No. But it didn't happen. I always say no. No ice.

Really? Especially if you do like a takeout, like a takeaway, always no ice. I always get ice. I don't know if the drink was cold. I don't need a gallon of soft drink. Neither. Neither, but it's just embedded in me. The bargain hunter.

The bargain hunter in me. There's nothing worse than a warm soda. It's got to be icy cold. Yeah, it's got to be icy cold. Drinks icy cold are the best. Yeah. So 54% of people will have ice. They'll ask for ice.

46% will say no ice. I feel like the no ice people are going to be more passionate. Yeah. Rachel says, at home, ice. Out at a restaurant or bar, no ice as you're paying for the majority ice the majority of the time. You get more liquid with no ice. See there, she thinks she's getting a bargain. Yeah. But they say you make a drink,... She thinks she's getting a bargain. Yeah.

But they say you make a drink, ice in the glass. Yes. Then you add the spirit. Yep. And then you fill it up with the junk. Yeah. The mixer.

Shush, Siri, I'll talk to you later. There's... Siri's thirsty. Siri, who's... If you can accept a goal, have one. It's 6.18 somewhere at night. Is that what you're saying? England?

It's the same. Ice melts and makes the watered-down version of the same drink, says Hannah. You are drinking too slow, dear Hannah. Yeah. Dear, dear Hannah. I've never got to the bottom of a whiskey and whatever I'm drinking my whiskey with, water or Coke or whatever. And it's melted?

I get to the bottom and I'm like, hello, perfectly square ice cube. That looks exactly the same as it did. Yeah. You sit there for a little bit. I feel bad that you've been exposed. Trish says, no ice. It hurts my teeth. Oh, yeah.

So there's a different reason. Sensi-teeth. Joel says, no ice, more drink. Also, ice machines are really dirty. Oh, no. I'd like to live in ignorant bliss there. Do we know that for sure? I love buying a big bag of ice and then dropping it on the concrete.

Smash, smash, smash. Yes, that's fun. Having a barbecue. Yeah, real alpha male vibes when you chuck that ice on the ground. Thank you. Not specifically you, anybody. No, I'm an alpha male. Maybe even at this Asian fusion restaurant in Mexico.

Oh, you know. So frequent. They do these sort of like teriyaki chicken tacos oh like what tacos that is fusion yeah that's not there

but with like a penang curry sauce on top uh uh what are you doing and they just bring them out when they're ready and you know what our plates here

are designed to be shared we do things a little bit they do things a bit differently Samantha says I can't get a big enough slurp if there's ice in there

it's like there's an ice barrier so she's now talking drinking straight straight out of a glass with ice in it. There's no straw involved in her effort. Oh, right. She's pro-turtle. Yeah. It's a hard pass for me.

We'll only have ice if it's got a straw, but asking for a straw these days is as good as littering. Hashtag turtles. I've read the turtle. Unless it's a cardboard straw, but we all know how bad those things are. I don't worry about the straw thing. Like, we don't have the big turtles here. No, exactly.

Because of your prolific straw habits. Our turtles are too small. They won't fit up the nostrils. Our turtles are tiny and they won't go up the nostrils. So I'm okay with that. Yeah, same. Rose says, I understand no ice in the movies or asking for not much ice, but I'm a bartender.

And when people ask for no ice in their vodka soda, like, you doing it's the same amount of vodka you're just making it more difficult to down it you're not getting more of the good stuff why why would you want more soda yeah and it's gonna go warmer and a warm vodka soda is from yeah that is from a barkeep because the mixer is not refrigerated like the soda water and the syrup is just sitting in a box, right? Or a tank somewhere. Yeah, it's not. It's not.

It's not refrigerated. And the water's out of the tap. No, it's not cold. A way to avoid this whole debate. Wine. Just have wine. Drop a couple of ice cubes in the wine. Sometimes I do.

I can't be bothered waiting for it to chill. Chardon always have a rosé and sometimes there'll be none left in the chilled part. So bring home a warm one. Yeah. And I was like, I'll pour you a wine, crack it open, chuck a few ice in there. Yeah.

She's like, oh, God, you're going to water down it? I'm like, you're drinking too slow. Yeah. Drink through the ice and it chills it on the way. Yeah, yeah. Louise says, I can't stand the sound of ice clinking on the side of the glass. Oh, really? It gives me the shits.

I think in a previous life, she may have been a Titanic survivor. That ice scraping up the... The hull. Up the barrel. Up the bow side of the Titanic. Yeah. It takes her back there every time ice clinks against the glass. Those are all the feedbacks provided.

Good feedbacks, guys. Good feedbacks. We're half a tight-ass, no ice nation. Yeah. Good to know. With a little bit of mix of sore teeth and bad ears and Titanic ghosts. 622, next on the show, the average person is doing this four hours a day. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Do you ever get the feeling you're just cruising through life and it's just going real fast? Do you ever get the feeling you're just cruising through life and it's just going real fast? Do you know this? 85 days till Christmas and all of a sudden you're 40? Yeah, dude. Your kids are nearly teenagers. Yeah, you're as far away from your birthday now as your birthday was from World War II. Oh, wow. Okay, Kurt Cobain's been dead longer than he was ever alive.

Yeah. When you smile, you're like, that looks fun, and then you release it and the lines are still there. What? Yeah, what's happening? Are you just sticking around now? Where's the elasticity of my skin gone? Well, a study's been done.

The average person spends four hours a day at least and 10 years of their life on autopilot. No, don't say it. I do this. Mine's in the car. You know when you're driving and you're like, hours a day at least, and 10 years of their life on autopilot. No, don't say it. I do this. Mine's in the car. You know, you're driving, and then you're like, oh, I'm at work. Yeah.

In the mornings is absolutely the worst. You have the radio on and listen to a podcast, and you're like, in that world. I always go for the radio. And then you get to listen to the radio. I'm always listening to the radio. To ZM? Yeah. Well, I'm listening to a huge selection of podcasts on the iHeartRadio app.

Oh, good boy, good boy, good boy. Company man. Company man. But you do. You wake up and you're like, how did I get here? Or like, you know when you're doing a road trip and that happens and you're like. I'm in Taihape. That's when you drove by yourself.

That's real bad. Yeah. Yes. I mean, it's not bad. Like, you're still driving and concentrating. Oh, no, no, no, no. I shut my eyes. No, it is different to when you're like, ooh, I'm falling asleep a little bit here. Oh, that's bad.

Pull over and have a rest. Take 20 minutes in a driveway, you know? Yeah. Or call someone. That's what I do. I always call someone. Talk to me. But it's a different feeling.

You're like, no, I drove well. I just didn't remember it. So, yeah, it's autopilot. So, a quarter of people polled admit that they often drift through as much as five or more hours a day without any real thought about what they're doing. Jeepers.

Jeepers creepers. 64% of adults claim their daily routine hardly ever changes. Yeah. I mean, people say they eat the same breakfast. You know, they'll wear The similar clothes They get ready for work

To go the same way to work Do the same job And yeah I mean this is quite sad Isn't it really I quit I'm out I quit

I can't handle that Hon How are you paying the mortgage I quit that too No no no Cash me if you can BNZ You can't do that Can I not?

I wonder if we Okay, I'll give it one more week This is, and I hate to feed this idea Because a lot of people say to me But your job's fun And I'm like, doesn't mean that I'm not working hard Or I'm entitled to be tired You just sit there and talk though

How hard is that? Should we do other things? Yeah, I've got a mate that can talk He should do your job, I reckon I do other things But I do feel like we, you know Like our job is different every day

a little bit we talk about different it's not is it it's not is it well our job's kind of what we make it yeah that's true our job's what we make it

if our job's boring that's on us and I do lots of different other things fun TV things so I always feel this that I don't get that same sense

of dread so what I'm saying is you should go out and go to drama school and chase dreams. No. Everyone wants to be a performer in some kind of way. Yeah. No, I wouldn't. You know? I wouldn't chuck it in just like that. There's always open mic nights at the

classic comedy clubs around New Zealand. What are you sacrificing lambs now? I'm just saying. This is Hayley's plan to not have to put as much effort into comedy. She gets you to go up and make a fool of yourself, and then she comes on with an ill-prepared set. Our very own friend, Ursula Carlson, she was working in marketing.

Yeah, but Ursula Carlson's a one in a million. Everyone was saying, you're so funny, you're so funny, and then she lost a bit, and they forced her to go and do a night at the Classic and do some stand-up comedy. Look at her now. Look at her now. She's got Netflix specials. Yeah.

She's touring around the world. Yeah, but for everyone one Ursula Carson, how many Flursula Flausons have there been, you know? Oh, my God. Did you see Flursula Flauson's last set, though? Died. Racist. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Statistics have shown it's significantly cheaper for you to stay working from home than return to the office. What are the savings? Thousands of dollars.

Thousands of dollars. So this is an American study. They reckon employees spend an extra $5,000 a year. But there'd be things like car parks? Gas? Everything, yeah. A snazzy new suit. Nice clothes. So, why would you return to

work when you can work from the comfort of home? Well, I know some people still working from home at least a few days a week. Quite a few. As long as we can come to an agreement that you listen to the radio like you would if you were in the car on the way to work. You're rude not to. Please.

I don't want to sound desperate. You've got to. You simply must. You're sounding a little desperate. Please. I'll beg. I'm on my knees. Please, please, please.

Please. We're dying. We're dying. We needed you. I said we didn't, but we do. This is from a guy who literally filmed a TV show last night. Remember TV? Yeah. Tonight, 8.30 on 2.

Yeah. Great episode of Have You Been Paying Attention? I've really got to move some eggs. I'm seeing all my eggs are in two baskets. I've got to move my eggs into a digital space. No, I'm not. I simply won't. No, no, crypto is not going well at the moment.

Oh, but it's NFTs. Some egg-based NFTs. Well, I've got the top six reasons it's cheaper to work from home than going to work. Number six When you're paying to print stuff You just don't print it So you're saving the planet Great

But you don't have the printed thing Who needs it? Export it as a PDF and send it to somebody Yeah I find when you're at work you just print Wily nily That's the problem though when you don't work from the office You can't do all your free printing Exactly so you're at work, you just print wily nily. That's the problem, though. When you don't work from the office, you can't do all your free printing. Exactly. So you're saving the planet.

Boss is listening. He's reading a novel. He downloaded it to his iPad, but then he was like, actually, I like the feeling of a page. Yeah, Vaughan doesn't do Kindles. He prints it out at work. Yeah, he doesn't buy the book, but he also hates a Kindle. So he buys the PDF.

How many pages is Harry Potter? I mean, it can't be that many. Yeah, check the printer. 20, 30. Number five on the list of the top six reasons it's cheaper to work from home than it is to go to work. No need to be buying coffees all the time when you're at work. You've got a lovely Gregg's Red Ribbon at home. Tell me that isn't a little as good

as espresso. Maybe put some milk in the egg beater and beat up some frothy milk and hello. Or maybe can I suggest going to the show sponsor, McCafe. You could, but this is at home. That's the thing. If you're working from home,

you've got to stretch your legs. You've got to go for a little walk. Number four on the list of the top six reasons that it's cheaper to work from home than it is going to work. There's no need for therapy. Like you might take a break from work to go and talk to someone at work, a work-provided therapist. You don't need to do that or pay for an external therapist because you can just unload on your cat.

Great listeners. Oh, they are good. Great listeners. Play with their ears as you tell them all of your woes and, well, they've just become your at-home HR department. Brilliant. Or your at-home

department. Pretty happy with that one. Number three on the list of the top six reasons it's cheaper to work from home than it is to go to work. Petrol, obviously. Yeah. But also no trips to the servo equals no chances to be upsold on those yummy chocolates that they have when you're paying. But it's two for three. Yeah, I know.

What, you're going to say no to a deal like that? Well, you are and you're going to save more money. Yeah. Ta-da. Number two on the list of the top six reasons it's cheaper to work from home than going into work. Makeup and presentation of oneself. Just find a filter. Find a filter that works for you and leave it slapped on the old

Zoom mat in the entire time. Yeah. You don't need to do anything. And number one on the list of the top six reasons it's cheaper to work from home than going to work. Pants. You don't need to wear them at home. No one sees them on a Zoom call. And tell you what, nice pair of slacks. Pricey. Cost of fortune. Yeah. Cost of fortune. Cost of fortune.

Your wallet will thank you. That's today's top six. Mr. Beast. You may be familiar with Mr. Beast. His real name's Jimmy Donaldson. Didn't know that until I was reading this article. Is he the one that did the... The squid games? Yeah.

The takeoff of squid games? Yeah. And more people watched his Squid Game in the first week than watched the actual Squid Game in the first week. But the actual Squid Game was the slow burn. But he makes, how much is he worth? Do you know how much he's worth? I don't know what his net worth is worth.

What his net worth is. He's 24 years old though. He makes like, stay in a circle for 100 days. A Tesla at $100,000. Like, that's nuts. Yes. And he gives it away to his friends as well. Like, you do this, and I'll give you 10 grand.

The coolest one he did, he teamed up with Mark Rober, who's my favorite YouTuber, the engineer guy that solves things. And they had a competition on who could clean a river the best. Oh, yeah, I remember that. He used, like, people power to clean the river the best. Oh yeah, I remember that. And Mr Beast used people power to clean the river and Mark Rober used technology and engineering. And it was so good.

I don't know, I think they both cleaned it to a point where they're like, well it's hard to tell who did better. Yeah, how do you test it? When he did the Squid Games take off, he gave away so much money, right? Yeah, $463,000 or something. Wow. I think this is the thing with him. Everyone's like, oh my god, you know,

this guy with all this money. But he invests it back into the thing. He gets sponsors and he just gives it away. Like he gives so much away. He's worth $25 million. At least, right? And he'd be worth more if he wasn't spending

all his money back into his thing. So he's opened Mr. Beast's Burgers. I mean, look at this. Have you ever seen, this is the photo of his opening at a mall? Oh, wow. Malls haven't been that busy since. Ever. Ever.

Who does mall appearances and gets that sort of turnout? Yeah. Not even old Santy Claus. That's like old kind of Beatles mania. Yeah, Beatles mania. Totally. Or like One Direction mania. Yeah.

So he did a podcast recently where he said that he wouldn't sell his content creating empire. Right. Which has over 100 million subscribers. Oh my God. That's his main channel and he's got other subsidiaries. He said he wouldn't sell it for anything less than $10 billion. And the guy who runs the podcast said to him, I'm shocked you haven't been offered the craziest check in history.

And he said, I have been offered a pretty crazy one. And then he says, yeah, he was offered a billion dollars. A billion dollars is an unfathomable amount of money. Yeah. Like, say yes, right? And then who could afford that? Yeah. There's a list of people.

I mean, maybe. Maybe a company. Yeah, big companies could buy it. But then does he have to then make content for. Well, I mean, that would be part of the deal, right? You hear about people who sell the companies that they've started and they stay on as an advisor and a CEO, so they get the money for selling it.

Or maybe not CEO. Get the money for selling it, and then they get paid a great wage to stay on and teach the next people how it works. But what's the worth of the company if he's not the ideas man? It's him. I would have sold it. Oh, my God.

Like, go live on an – I don't know why anyone wants to work. Like if you could have a billion dollars, go live on an island somewhere and travel. I always, me and Aaron always have that, like if we won Lotto, he's like, I would never work again.

And I'm like, oh no, I'd keep working because I just go a little bit nuts. Yeah, you get something. You get something. Yeah.

Whereas Vaughn would quite happily just go to the farm. Yeah, so would Aaron. Finally get to buy a mini tractor I wouldn't even go mini I'd go big well you're gonna need

a bigger place I need a bigger tractor I'd get the bigger tractor before I got the bigger place I think oh of course I think my tractor would take up half of my paddock

nothing wrong with you Alex you know why not you'd like reverse and be like oh okay I'd just be like oh my tractor doesn't

fit through my tiny gateways I'd just drive through and then I'd say to a fencer come and fix this gate like reverse and be like, oh, okay. I'd just be like, oh, my tractor doesn't fit through my tiny gateways. I'd just drive through. And then I'd say to a fencer, come and fix this gate. And he'd be like, what happened? I'd be like, well, my big tractor was too big for the small gate. Probably best for your neighbours you don't win lotto. Oh, drive through their fence too. There's a smell in this studio.

We need to address it. I just went and made a cuppa. Really cleared the nose out there. Came back We need to address it. When I made a cuppa, really cleared the nose out there. Came back and I could smell it. It smells a little bit like a wet towel's been left somewhere. Georgia walked in and she said and we both looked at each other and we were like, something stinks. But Georgia brought the smell in with her.

I had Georgia a good sniff. Top to bottom. I sniffed her up and down. It's not emanating from her. It is raining. Do you think we've got a leak? You know what? Maybe. That's what it smells like.

It smells like a wet towel with a little pongy BO, but that could also be. Well, we'll manage our best to get through this pong. I didn't shower yesterday. I mean, it could be you. Have you sniffed Hayley? What? I sniffed her.

She smelled like an angel. You didn't shower yesterday. How do you not shower for a day and not absolutely stink? Because I'm not a smelly person. You were under studio lights last night. Yeah, well, because I was busy yesterday. I had a really busy day filming. Then I got home.

We had a meeting. I went till nine. Then it was late. I had work to do. Then I was like, I'll shower tomorrow when I get home. Producer Jared does say it could be the Star Wars jumper you've been wearing for two months. That's true. I gave that up.

Well, smartass Producer Jared, that was only a month for two months. That's true. I gave that a... Well, smart-ass producer Jared, that was only a month because it was for Father's Day. Have you washed it? No, I haven't washed it. But I also haven't done anything. I did give it a good hoon just before, and it's not coming from this. We've all had a sniff.

I don't think the culprit's in the room. I think it was Georgia. Well, we'll do our best to manage through the pond. We will. Now, I want to talk about being hangry, something I suffer with a lot. And mine,

like flick of a switch. You know, like I'm kind of like, oh, I could have something to eat. And then if time passes just a little bit, I'll flick and be like, if I don't eat now,

I'm upset. Vaughan's known for years you've got to keep me fed. Got to keep him fed. Otherwise, I'll just blow a top. Just give me a little nibble. You've got to keep him.

You just watch out for things when he gets hungry. Yeah. I'm a bit hungry. Get him to the restaurant. Sound the alarms. Get this man something to eat because he's about to get turned into a little B word.

A little B word. I get hangry. I get hangry. I need food. Yeah, great. Well, the average American, according to this survey, will experience symptoms of hangry almost every day of their lives. I don't get hangry. I like being hungry, you know,

because it makes me think the ketosis is kicking in and it's starting to burn my fat reserves. Yes, oh my God, my body is eating itself. Yeah, when I get hungry, man, I'm straight for an ice bath. You know what I'm saying? And then afterwards I'll have an alkalizer and I'll just bring the body acid down. Body acid down, a couple of crystals on the temples. My body is a wonderland.

Food is a distraction from God. Okay, we're getting into religion now. I was just going for this early fairy wellness shit that seems to be everywhere at the moment. But a bit of God, we'll check a religion now. I was just going for this airy-fairy wellness shit that seems to be everywhere at the moment. But a bit of God, we'll check a bit of God in there. The average American is not that far away from food, I would imagine, at any point. Just turn your head to the left.

Yeah, like... There's food all around you. Like, there is food around. Yeah. So they say it gets the best of them, three-fourths of Americans admit their hunger gets the best of them five times a week, coming into an astounding 21,000 hangry outbursts over the course of their lives.

Wow. I love how this is measured. This is the one that really got me. A lot of stats here. Crankiness, you know, how they react. 28% of them confess to eating out of the bin when they're hangry. That thing where you're like, I can't eat all this junk food and you chuck it out

because you're like... No, don't finish that bag of chips. Don't finish that bag because you don't need it and you chuck it out and then you're like... Well, it's not like I eat chicken in the bin.

See, I don't... Yeah. I just eat it. If there's a bit left, I'll just eat it. I come from a waste, want not, waste not, waste not, want not,

whatever which way that goes around. I'm a little bit hungry. I'll just eat it. I come from a waste not, waste not, waste not, whatever which way that goes around. I'm a little bit hungry. Now! Yeah, I'll eat it. I won't waste it. So there's no option to get it out of the bin. But going into the bin to get food... I don't think I've done that. I think I've fetched things from the bin before, but usually like a receipt.

But... Yeah. But when I get hangry, I cry. That's where I'll go. Rather than rage, I'll head towards like despair. Right. You don't think it'd be just easy to like pick up a little sushi roll or a little bakery treat? Sometimes it's not, you know, especially when I'm doing low carb and I am not organised. Yeah. What are you going to do? You can't just quickly crack an egg into your mouth and that'll satisfy you. You could. I mean, you could. Yeah, you could. Anyway, I want to know, what do you. I mean, you could. Yeah, you could.

Anyway, I want to know, what do you do? What did you do when you were so hangry? When did you have an angry outburst or an emotional breakdown because of your hanger? Because of your hanger. Maybe you broke something. I'm a real, I lash out. My limbs, they've got no bounds.

Knock things off shelves of great importance. I told you, I admitted, I admitted yesterday that my water bottle was broken. You know why? Was that hanger? It was hanger. Wow. Because it was late and we hadn't organised dinner and we live in an area where it's not that easy to sort it

if you haven't sorted it. And I chucked it. I chucked it at the floor and it bounced and it hit the wall. There's a little groove out of the jet board. Aaron hasn't noticed yet. Oh, wow. I think I'm renovating and we'll just enter to the list. There's a little groove out of the jet board and Aaron hasn't noticed yet. Oh, wow. I think I'm renovating and we'll just enter to the list.

There's a little groove in the wall. So this is the best time to throw a water bottle. A dent in the wall. Wow. Yeah, but so, oh, I'm like, I'm explosive.

I'm explosive. All right. And that's what happens. But we want to know what you did when you were so hangry that you just lost it. How bad did your hanger get?

Give us a call. Oh, what did you eat? Like maybe you were so hang hungry and there was nothing around and so you just ate something really weird. Like uncooked macaroni elbows. Time to cook it.

Use your imagination to think it's a chippy. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Right now though, talking about hangar. When you've been hangry. Some stats out of the States, 28% of people admitted to eating out of the bin when they are hungry. I mean...

That's the desperate times, but yep, sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do. Hunger, it affects you in ways that is different to anger, I think. Well, it's just anger caused by hungriness, right? Is that where hanger comes from? What a brilliant merging of two words. It's brilliant, isn't it? Some messages in. Someone said, we were driving home and I said to my partner,

I'm starving. And he said, there's food at home. And I said, let's go through the drive-thru. And he repeated, there's food at home. I was so hangry, I jerked the wheel towards the drive-thru. We mounted the curb and crashed into a sign. That's the thing. If I'm hangry, it's quite often takeaways. Yeah.

Or it's a beeline for food. What do you mean? It's an immediate beeline for convenience food. Anonymous joins us. What happened with your hanger outburst? It wasn't mine. I worked at a bakery and I got the sandwich for this man and he decided it had avocado on it and he didn't want avocado.

He wanted a fish on it, but he asked for avocado. So he threw it on the ground and just jumped up and down on it. Hang on, hang on. He didn't want avocado, he wanted fish. They're not interchangeable. They're not swappable. There's never a fish sandwich at a bakery.

No. That is a takeaway sandwich. No, no, bakeries where we live, that is a common thing they like is a fish sandwich. Yeah, but fish, what kind of fish?

I've never heard of it. Like fresh fish that's been caught locally or are we talking like some crusty fish finger from the frozen box? No, no, battered fish that they come in each day from the fisheries. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, now I'm angry.

I don't have one. I want a fish sandwich. I want a fish sandwich. So he jumped up and down on the sandwich because of his hanger. Yes. Because he didn't ask for a fish. So we just put all the veggies and left the fish off.

He didn't ask for a dish. Fussy little, what a little baby. But now he's got to leave because he's made a scene. He's made a fault. That's the thing. Make a scene.

And he's still hungry. You're further away from food than you were. Exactly. Anonymous, thank you for your call. Ask the messages in. We were out fishing and I said to my partner

when we were heading out fishing, do we have enough snacks for the day? They said yes. We ran out of snacks very quickly and I got very hungry and I said, I need food. And he said, we're going to be out here for a couple more hours. And then there was a big hangry moment where I jumped off the boat and swam for shore.

Sarah, when did you have a hangry moment? Hi. Well, it was a while ago now. I was five. And I was the flower girl at my auntie's wedding. And I was, yeah, very hangry. And we did the wedding photos and every single one of them, I've got this really sour look on my face. I bet you've ruined a memory for life with that sour face.

Yes, I had a beautiful dress and everything. It was wonderful. But yeah, I have a sour that sour face. I have, yes. I have beautiful dress and everything. It was wonderful. But yeah, I have sour, sour face. They should know you've got to keep kids fed. Yeah, whenever you do that anywhere. Even adults at a wedding, the time between food is too long. Yeah, I agree. If you're going out for photos, you've got to have a little basket of... A charcuterie.

A charcuterie to take over. Yeah, exactly. A couple of beers. So what, did you get food in the end? I did. The entire bridal party actually took me to Macca's afterwards to perk me up. Show sponsor.

Nuggies. Fantastic show sponsor. You can download, scan and play the Monopoly game at Macca's to be able to win. I'll just pop that in there. Just pop that in there. Fantastic. Nothing makes a sad kid happier than nuggies.

Very true, Sarah. Thank you. Katie, this was Dad's hanger. Not necessarily. I guess you could say hanger. Whenever he'd be impatient to go to the supermarket because he just hates being around people, he would actually eat cat biscuits.

Sorry, sorry. To avoid hanger, he could feel it coming. He's like, I'm going to be a better man if I just have a handful of friskies. Yeah, get out the

steamer container and get a handful and put it on the couch. No, Katie, no. There's human biscuits. There's human, there's crackers. Yeah, but there's

none of those left. No, you know, you know the little ones that look like, like paws or whatever, like tiny, tiny little biscuits. Yeah, but there's none of those left. You know the little ones that look like paws or whatever, like tiny, tiny little biscuits, multicoloured. But why didn't you have any human biscuits? Kids have eaten them all.

I mean, we probably did have human biscuits. The real dad's very impatient, so he probably didn't. He had a man scan of the pantry. So did he enjoy them? He never complains. He enjoyed them more than having to deal with people of the pantry. So just like, did he enjoy them? He never complains, we'll say that. He enjoyed them more than having a deal

with people at the supermarket. I'm on this man's side. He was so hungry he ate cat biscuits. That is wild. Katie, thank you. Some messages in. During renovations,

I gave my partner four warnings. That's two more than the usual two warnings. Okay. You know, two strikes, third's the tanty. I gave him four warnings and then I threw more than the usual two warnings. Okay. You know, two strikes, third's the tantee. I gave him four warnings.

And then I threw a bucket of paint at him. What? He refused to stop so he could get something to eat. I mean, that's one way. I mean, men, we're hearing a lot here. We've got to learn. And this man did. Someone said, after a few hangry tantrums,

my husband kept trail mix in the glove box. If we're driving somewhere and I said, I'm starting to get hungry, he'd pop open the glove box and I could eat the scroggin. However, I finished that one day and I opened it up and I was like, where is the snacks? He popped open the console. More snacks in there.

This is a clever man. He knows. This is a man. This is a crisis adverter. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. If you've been listening, this is a smell in the studio.

We're trying to get to the bottom of who it is. Apparently it's Vaughan. Apparently it's Vaughan. Stop making me smell it when I came back in. It's not me. Oh, no, it's not me. It's definitely not me. Wow.

I put on, here's how much deodorant. I shower more than the both of you combined. You don't know how much I shower. You don't shower enough. You don't shower in the morning before work. I always shower in the morning before work. But I shower twice during the day. I haven't showered since Wednesday. I went to put on my... What? Yeah, because I didn't shower at all

yesterday. Because she's doing renovations. There's no shower. It's too hard. We've got a shower. There is a shower. We don't have a kitchen. Oh, right. So there's no excuse. Wow. Because my deodorant stick, I got to the end of it this morning, so I crumbled it into my hand, and my hands were

covered in antiperspirant, and I smeared it on my... So it's not me. I refuse to believe it. It's the Final Rankings. Well, we do this every Friday, final rankings. We debate and rank. It's normally food items.

Today, though, we did it on my favorite recently has been gravy, our favorite gravies. Love a bit of gravy. I think my favorite's been biscuits from the sampler box. Or kitchen utensils. That was a good debate. The fish slacks. That was a hearty debate.

Yeah, it was a hearty debate. Today, generations. Generation Z. Generation X. Millennials. Boomers. I just wish. So Generation Alpha is the new one.

That's what my kids will be. Yeah. Yeah. God, they're going to be a weird generation, aren't they? Born 2010, yeah, they'll have no social skills. They're either going to be the greatest generation ever and like save the planet or they're just going to

like ride the planet. Or talk to their iPads. Yeah. Not be able to look anybody in the eye talking to their iPads as the Earth implodes. I reckon they're going to be dumbos as well. They've missed so much school. Dumbos. They've been educated by their parents at home who are absolutely half-carts.

They're also dumbos. Yeah, they're also dumbos, half-carts during the day. Okay, so these are the generations. I'm imagining, are we going to talk about the lost generation? They've got to be dead by now. So, okay, give us a breakdown. The lost generation Was 1883 to 1900

Oh they're dead Don't even bother Next But They fought in World War I Yeah I'm not saying They weren't great But next

We're not talking Okay We're talking about Alive generations The greatest generation Was 1901 to 1924 So these You've got your generation

That if you were born At the start of it You fought in World War I If you were born At the end of it You fought in World War II That was a generation bookended by war.

The silent generation, 1925 to 1945. So that's kind of my grandparents' generation. That's when they were born. Maybe a little too young for war. Baby boomers, they are 1946 to 1964. So that's where my parents

slot into. Yeah. Yep, same. The boomers. They are 1946 to 1964. So that's where my parents slot into. Yeah. Yep, same. The Boomers. Oh, I don't know. How was my mum, 62? Yeah, so she'll fit into there. The Boomers.

Generation X is 1965 to 1980. So you're like cussed me. That's me, yeah. But I always feel like I'm half Generation X and half, I'm an Xennial. Yeah. Yeah, because you'reusp X. That's me, yeah. But I always feel like I'm half Generation X and half... I'm an Xennial. Yeah. Yeah, because you're late X. Late X, but also, yeah, very on the cusp of... Early Y.

Millennial. Generation Y, 1981 to 1996. So that's... That's also Millennial. Millennials. That's where I slot into, and you slot into that one. Gen Z, born 1997 to 2012.

So that's the ones coming of age now. They're going to be very anxious to hear what you say about this. Yeah, no doubt there'll be a meeting later. Yeah. But a Zoom meeting. Already shots fired. They have no choice but to call a meeting.

We do not stand our aggressive millennial king. But don't worry, they'll make a sassy TikTok about it. And then, whoa, a joke will be on me because you've used a whole lot of words that I don't know what they mean. And Generation Alpha, born 2013 to 2025, we've kind of talked about them. They're either going to be the makers or the breakers

of this horrendous situation. I don't know that we should include them. Unless we say they're the best. I don't think they should be ripping into kids. Too young to be ripped into. Okay, point taken. Okay, and then are we... Jeez, that was very Gen Z of you.

I'm not Gen Z. I'm not Gen Z. I was born in the 80s. I know, that's what I'm saying. You're carrying on like one though. Maybe we won't pick on kids. Oh, God damn it. I'm just saying recently...

That's my boomer. That's boomer. That's boomer. Let's pick on the kids. Recently, someone in the media I'm just saying recently. That's Boomer. That's Boomer. Let's pick on the kids. Recently, someone in the media has been pulled apart for picking on a kid, and we don't want to join that. Oh, yeah, but you're not Heather Duplissie Allen. Are you?

You're fine. Okay. Mind you, I've seen you iron up the old boys, so maybe there's a bit of Heather Duplissie Allen in you yet. Maybe. Now, go. Boomers. Okay, surely the best has got to be the generation

that fought in the war, right? Oh, I was going to say millennial. They are called the greatest generation. That is so millennial of you. Yeah. Now, millennials suck. I'm happy to say it, but not as hard as Gen Z. Gen Z sucks.

Wow. Carl Wayne at the social media desk, let's bring you in for some retort. Anna as well, other producer. Couple of Gen Zs. Couple of Gen Zs. What do you think? The suckiest generation.

Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, thank you, Anna. Anna's always had. Here it is. Here we go. Here comes the HR complaint. Who's going to look after you when you're in a retirement home, Fletch? Not you.

You can't even look after yourself. Yes, I can. Manny, can I live with you until I'm 40? Get out of here. You've got to look after your parents by giving them a room in your house. You don't own a house. Maybe if you hadn't put the pricey market up so much. We didn't do that.

That was the boomers. We were just lucky enough to slipstream in on the back of them. Absolutely. Don't didn't do that. That was the boomers. That's the boomers. We were just lucky enough to slipstream it on the back of them. Absolutely. Don't put that on me. That's the boomers. That's my mum and dad. They did that. Patsy, how many houses do you own?

Yeah, thanks, boomers. Two are in Italy. I mean, you stand to inherit the lot of them. Let's not shoot too hard or fast there. I mean, well, I can wait because I know what that means. Maybe you're the worst generation. Millennial or just Hayley Sproul. Millennials are pretty bad.

Entitled. We're entitled. Super entitled. And we are opinionated. But not as bad as you. Opinionated. Often failing to recognise their own privilege. I recognise my privilege.

My parents have got two houses in Italy. Yeah. Talk about lucky. But then, to me, like, the tail end of Gen X and the start of Gen Y were also, like, all those, you think of all of those really aggressive white boys through the 90s. Yeah.

You know, there was a lot of them that fall into that one. Rank them. Okay. I'm going worst. I'm going to go bottom to top. Okay. Worst, Gen Z. Sucks.

Then I'm going... Millennial? Millennials. Yep. Baby boomers are around there too. They suck. They really screwed it for us. And I think they did the most damage to the planet.

But they've also had a lot of, like, culture war. They've been... Yeah. So what's... At the brunt of that. Who's our soldiers? Who's our fighters? The greatest generation. But then, like, if you go too far back, you are looking at... Pretty bad for women.

Yeah, bad for women. Bad for minorities. Yeah. Like, they look back, they fought in wars, sure, but they dropped the N word like it was just. Here's a theory. Here's a theory. Like it was the name of a vegetable, you know.

Here's a theory. Humans suck. Okay, I'm on board. Yeah, that's pretty good actually. That's pretty true. The best generation, dinosaurs. Animals. Play.

ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I just worked out. I just realised that I'd forgotten how to do maths. I just did. I was like, yeah, 365 divided by... What's the math? Calculator. Get a calculator. I did, but I'd forgotten how to do it.

Right. Are you trying to work out percentages? Private school, yeah. What are the two numbers? Do you divide it by 365, 84, what's the percentage? What? Google. I'll give you the context.

I can't Google. No, no, no, no. You go 84 divided by 365 times 100. I did it the other way around. Yeah, that one. What's the percent? 23%. 23% of Brits' days are bad.

So like almost one in four. Yeah, nearly. A quarter of their days are bad. They've done a survey to find, it's like a happiness survey, how we're feeling, what ruins our day. They cited things like losing keys, bad night's sleep, that was top of the list, breaking phone, classic. Oh, that'll ruin your day.

Yeah, losing wallet, tiff with your other half, stepping in dog poop, having a bad hair day. These are all the things that they asked him about. They followed them for a year and they marked each time that they thought it was a bad day. And on average, Brits were having 84 bad days a year,

which is 24-ish percent. I mean, you've got to put it in perspective though. If you're having a bad hair day, at least you're not living in Ukraine. Do you know what I mean? You know? Oh, you stepped in dog poo though. If you're having a bad hair day, at least you're not living in Ukraine. Do you know what I mean? You know? Oh, you're sleeping in dog poo. At least you're not in Ukraine or starving in Africa.

Do you think that it is? Okay, Dad. We'll send them our vegetables too, shall we? Yeah. Do you think that it's the weather? Like Brits, they're not really known for being all cheerful people, are they? I reckon in the last couple of years there's probably been some other things as well. Like? I just think the last couple of years there's probably been some other things as well. Like?

I just think the impending doom. Extreme weather events. I'm not the leader of their country. Extreme weather events. Yeah. I don't know if 84 seems high or low to me. How many bad days a year do you think you'd have? I don't really have bad days.

I mean, I'd have bad days. I have bad days. But I wouldn't say something like one occurrence doth a bad day make. Do you think not showering for two days? I reckon we could just let that go. That's two bad days? I'm literally going to go home and shower. I think we're seeing it before you realise this.

I'm going to shower. I am going to shower today. You're spiralling. I didn't shower yesterday because I was having a good day and I didn't have time. And I thought, I'm going to go to bed. How do you get into bed? So if you ever smell Hayley and she smells terrible,

you can be like, well, at least she's having a good day. This is what I'll tell you. I got into bed because our sheets are dirty at the moment as well. We're renovating. Oh, my God. You're like falling apart. Our sheets are dirty. We're bringing sawdust and chips of wood and everything

and Rolly's running through mud. So the sheets are dirty. I'm dirty. I'm dirty. Aaron's dirty. He's been working in the house all day. We're just getting to be dirty. It's a dirty bed in there. You just described how my two pigs live. In sawdust. They don't shower.

They're both like dirty, dirty. Are there food scraps in the bed too? There is. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Ho, ho, ho. Ooh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Ho, ho, ho. 85 days, 16 hours and 7 minutes away from Christmas.

85 days. Tomorrow, it's October. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I love October. How great is daylight savings though? Oh, it's so enjoyable. You're not too fast.

It's enjoyable. I could take it or leave it. It was getting lighter at that end of the day anyway. What a buzzkill. What a buzzkill. But I wouldn't be bummed if they were like, we're not going to do it anymore. Would you? Yeah, I would.

I love a longer, I love a little sun going down at night. Well, as long as they leave it. As long as they leave it at this bit. Well, it gets lighter so much earlier. Yeah. I guess it would be better to stay at this bit. Well, we're getting closer to Christmas and nothing says Christmas is on its way like Smith and Coey saying, guess what guys, it's time to book

your photos with the big jolly man himself. Santa will be welcoming guests to his cosy cottage from Saturday the 19th of November until Christmas Eve, and he would love to see you. You can already take bookings. Yeah. Wow. Did they fix the window? Because they got ram-rated, didn't they, a while back?

Yeah, Smith & Coie. Yeah. If you're listening and you partake in the 2022 sport ram raiding, please don't ram raid the... I mean, don't ram raid full stop. I think it's a silly sport. You should stop. Don't ram raid the Smith & Coie's door when it's got its Christmas motif windows.

It'd ruin Christmas. Oh, my God. I'll be furious. Well, yeah, the Grinch. You've taken this ram raiding a step too far. Well, it's all go at Mitre 10 Mega. Somebody's reported Mitre 10 Mega in Marlborough. Christmas trees in store, on display, ready to go.

Yeah. That's been sent in. So your trees are out and trees are about. Daniel wants to report not only Christmas lollies, which he's seen, the Christmas lollies are spreading down the aisle. Yeah. They're like a virus, aren't they? Yes.

They're their own sort of pandemic. They start on the end of the aisle and then they wrap around and start going down the aisle, spreading all the way down there. Have we had any reports from Costco? Because I saw a tree. That Christmas tree. They had a massive Christmas tree. And I need to buy my first Christmas tree this year.

Right, no, I haven't. I haven't heard reports. Yeah, I've seen some photos. Do you think I should go pine or plastic? Pine. You've got that allergy though, don't you? You know, if you buy a plastic tree because you're like,

it's been a trace. You have to have that same plastic Christmas tree for 48 years. It is something phenomenal. It's like half a century. And no one does. No, I only want to buy a little one. You can get a little. I've got a place.

He knows a place. He knows a place. I've got a place. And I want to say this. Okay. This has come to our attention. And I think this is a big, this is maybe a new huge spike in Christmas penetration.

You'll remember the Queen Street Santa. It was always when the Queen Street Santa went up, that was the mark of 100% Christmas penetration. Yeah, but then it got

shipped off to the toy museum at Wanaka. Correct. And kept out the back in the quarry. Yeah. And we would often get photos of people

who were there or going past and they'd be like, look, it's still on the ground. His head has resurrected just like Jesus did at Christmas or born at Christmas. photos of people who were there or going past and they'd be like look it's still on the ground his head has resurrected just like Jesus did at Christmas

or born at Christmas I can't remember this is one of the two things I think he was born at Christmas and died on Wangitangi weekend

which is the one where he turns into a rabbit that is Easter I think it's Easter no because it's got something to do with spring

I think it's the equinox okay it's chapter 4 in Michael and then he's a pumpkin or something, isn't he, in October? Correct. That's right. He's magical.

Santa's head is up and on the wall of the Wanaka Toy Museum. It's up. He's on the wall. Wait, but just the head? Just the head. Just the head. Just the head. We don't know where the rest of the body is, which is great,

because when the body goes up with the head, regardless of where we're at, that's 100% Christmas penetration. But it's just the head. We don't know where the rest of the body is, which is great, because when the body goes up with the head, regardless of where we're at, that's 100% Christmas penetration. But it's just the head, so it's added to a huge spike in Christmas penetration. Can I just say, direct from Costco, nine-foot Christmas tree, $1,300, direct from my sister. Yes! My sister-in-law's just messaged in.

You need to. I'm cut a hole in the roof. Nine feet. At least Aaron could reach it. He could. He could put the angel on top. Oh, special. Okay, with all that in mind and 85 days away from Christmas.

Elves, get wrapping. Santa's big sack is full of presents and toys. No, the presents. Wrap the presents. Sorry, boss. Right now, Christmas penetration is at... 42%! Whoa! It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Right to the UK. We're going to travel to the UK now. Tesco, very famous supermarket. Love a bit of Tesco. I got popped at Tesco's and get a scone. They are looking for... They have launched their TikTok. Welcome to TikTok, Tesco. I've got to pop to Tesco's and get a scone. They are looking for

they've launched their TikTok. Welcome to TikTok Tesco. I'm here. I've been slagged. Right. Is it Pack and Save or is it just the people that work at Pack and Save always doing dances? Yeah, probably. I was wondering, why do I always wonder why they don't get told off? Where are you seeing people at Pack and Save doing dances?

At Pack and Save. The lines are back to the face. Frozen. Pack and Save, don't pack my bag. Give me a couple bucks. Put it in. The couple bucks has a bit of miscellaneous goo in the bottom. What could it be?

That's basically it. So Tesco, the way they launched their TikTok is with this really big competition. They are looking for a customer to become the next voice of their checkout. Unexpected item in bagging area. I mean, that lady's really good already. Yeah, but she's not happy about this. Unexpected item in bagging area. She's got quite a lot of breath. Unexpected item in bagging area.

But they're getting rid of her. So what they've done is they've launched a competition on TikTok. Audition to become the new voice of Tesco Checkouts by dueting with me. So why do you think you've got what it takes? Because I've got a bloody good voice, mate. What else do you want to know? An unexpected item in the bagging area.

I kind of like when there's a parking machine or a chair and it's like an automated voice, but it's like just someone from the office. They're not a professional voiceover person. They're just Kiwi. They're like, take your parking ticket. Yeah. You have reached the voicemail of...

Welcome to Ray White Avondale. For sales, press 1. If you are looking, if you know the extension, put it in now. If you are after one of our other Ray White offices, press 4 for direct rate. Or head to our website, raywhite.co.nz. No, they would do the H-T-T. Yeah.

Read out the entire thing. Head to our website, H-T-T-P, the one with two dots. Forward, is it forward or backslash? It's two forward slashes. Ray White, spout with an H in white, dot co dot nz forward slash branches. Just spout like trees. All right. Hooroo. Hooroo. But they actually go on.

Right. And now for the greatest honour of all, how would you say club card accepted? Oh. Club card accepted oh club card accepted club card accepted that's how i'd do it yeah would you want to be the voice of one of these things like they are the most and it would be weird and they're talking and people would be like is that you so what do i know that voice from i've talked about this before one of my friends I went to drama school with, she was the voice of COVID-19. This is something...

COVID-19 announcement. COVID-19 announcement. Now, halfway through, did she pull out? Do you think she'd want to be typecast? Well, no, it just would cost you work. Yeah. Because you're synonymous with COVID-ness. She wants to get some sweet, sweet action doing.

You know, the new world bloody. That's my friend, Anna. I know them all. My friend Fussy is the voice of Mitre 10. Dude, Fussy is the voice of everything. If you know his voice, it is everywhere. Who voices our checkouts? Which checkouts?

Different. Becky. Becky. Unexpected item in bagging area. I think it's, I think she's slightly Australian. I reckon we've got. Do you think we've got the Australian one on some of them? Unexpected item in bagging area. I think she's slightly Australian. I reckon we've got... Do you think we've got the Australian one on some of them? Unexpected item.

Yeah, it's kind of got a little... Yeah, maybe. I think I'd do quite well. On the back of this UK Tesco challenge on TikTok, we thought we would open up the lines this morning for the voice of New Zealand checkouts. We want you to audition. Now, if you win the Tesco competition,

not only do you get the job, you get a pay, you will also receive 10,000 club card points. Now, we're not offering anything of the kind. Is that all? No, and paid. Oh, and paid. You get paid as well. No, they haven't advertised that.

Because don't let them fool you into doing something for nothing. Because they would have to pay thousands and thousands. It's like when I see companies using their people in their ads. I'm like, are you paying them? You're cheaping out. No, they're not. They're not. So we want you now, are we just going to do like unexpected item?

And we want you to call us up. I reckon say unexpected item in bagging area. Unexpected item in bagging area. Yeah, that's the one. Are we going to choose our favourite? Yeah.

Yeah, we'll keep them on the line. Okay. We'll hear a few. What is the one where it tells you to follow the directions on the pin pad

to complete transaction? That's quite a crucial one too. Oh yeah, that's a crucial one. I think we'll just keep it simple and do I mean I guess we can run through a couple. They're about to come

the not voice of a not supermarket. Oh, what about one I hear a lot? Approval needed. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because you're buying your salve. Yeah. Your warm salve.

And then they look at you, they give you a quick glance, and they scan it without asking for ID. That's happened now. That's been a quick transition in the last year. Yeah. Cool, cool, cool, cool. All right, 0800DARLS at AM, we want you to call up and give us your voice

for the supermarket checkout. Audition with us. It's just that line. It's super easy. 0800DARLS.M. Should we give away? We could give away something. I think we could give away something.

We'll have a little brew. We'll have a little brew over the next little... 0800DARLS.M, give us a call. Tesco in the UK have launched an audition, a hunt, a competition to find the new voice of their self-checkout. So you can go on their TikTok and submit your

audition and then you'll get some points and they'll use your voice for a bit. So we're holding our own audition on behalf of no supermarket, just to be clear. We're not affiliated with big supermarket. I wish I was though. How sweet would one of those gigs be?

You walk into your local supermarket, they're like, good evening, Hayley. Could I have a trolley? Fill her up. Good evening. On us. On us. Get out of here.

Get out of here. Swing back the wine as well, love. Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't it be nice in this time? What are our marking criteria? I've got clarity and comfort. Like comfort make you feel comfortable. Not panicky, not freaky.

Let's not forget that we are speaking, Hayley, to the voice of the garage door commercials. Yes, we are. Not anymore. He was fired. I'd be happy to take the contract back on now that I've got a garage door. He was fired from garage doors. Garage door.

Garage door. Garage door. Do you want to give Hayley a, because she might not remember, but it was very high nasally. Give me a sound. I've done a lot of EO. Give Hayley a little.

I wasn't going for nasally. Was that how it happened? I'm going to put both ears on. Imagine you're in the market for a garage door. Yeah. Garador garage doors. Keeping your precious things safe. Wasn't it more like,

their loss, Vaughn? Their loss. Their loss. Thanks, Hayley. That was beautiful. That wasn loss Vaughan? Their loss. Their loss. That was beautiful. That wasn't that beautiful. I appreciate that. Oh articulation.

I do a soft sss. I think another thing we should put on there is pace. Oh okay. Sometimes people go too slow or too fast. Okay so clarity. I mean we all know what

we all know what unexpected item in the bagging sounds like but just for a refresh this is the Tesco one the supermarket chain running the competition. Unexpected item in the bagging uh sounds like but just for a refresh this is the tesco one the supermarket chain running the competition unexpected item in bagging area it's a lot

faster than our one authority there yeah yeah ours is a bit slower pace and comfort adding up to a total of out of 15. oh okay yeah right all right i did go to drama. We did do quite a lot of VO. Cherie joins us. Good morning, Cherie. Good morning. Welcome to our audition. Thank you. I feel like we're on The Voice or on Simon Cowell.

Do people often say, oh, Cherie, you've got a lovely voice? All the time. All the time. All the time. Someone in the background just screamed, no, they don't. Charles screamed, no, they don't. I'm going to say I'm not hearing it yet But I don't judge you Maybe you're the Simon Cowell Maybe I am

That's a no from me dog I guess I'm the Randy Jackson That leaves Fletch to be the Paula Abdul You've really gone right back I haven't gone too far back Alright Cherie when you're ready, give us an unexpected item in the bagging area. No, not in the bagging area.

You've added a lot. This is why you're not getting the job. Unexpected item in bagging area. Okay, are we ready? Yeah. Unexpected item in bagging area. Oh, that was bloody good. That was good.

I liked that. It didn't make me feel super comfortable, though. Can you go one more time, Cherie? Unexpected item in bagging area. Pace was good. Oh, no, I liked that. Pace was really good. Four.

Good pace, good clarity. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four.

Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four.

Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four.

Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four.

Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four.

Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four.

Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. Four. but it was also a bit condescending, you know? Yeah. There wasn't an authoritarian, it was passive. It was like, and you're speaking, and him, and me. Wow. You know what I mean? It was sort of like that. I thought it was brilliant. I thought that's one of my, that's my faves. I'm having you on, Cherie.

Cherie, wait there. 10 out of 15 for Cherie. Grace, good morning. Good morning. Will her voice reflect her name? With Grace. All right, Grace, when you're ready, give us an unexpected item in bagging area.

Unexpected item in bagging area. Robotic. Kind of robotic. Yeah, very robotic, but I mean, that's what you need. Great pace. It is a self-serve checkout. Do you know, I would say, though, I think she's more of a Siri than a self-checkout.

Yeah. Oh, OK. How can I help you today? More like that, as opposed to, you want to be warm, I'm just in a grocery shop. Like a turn left. Turn left at the next intersection. Yeah.

One more time, Grace? Grace? The area. Oh, no, you just cut out. You just cut out. Go again. Unexpected item in bagging area. You're right.

Bagging. Yes, that's good. I like it. All right, Grace, wait there Siri. Yes, that's good. I like it. All right, Grace, wait there. Hang on, let me read a mark. Clarity. Very clear. Very clear.

I'm going to give it a four. Yeah, very clear. Pace. Pace could have done with some work. Yeah, three. Oh, did you get comfort? It didn't make me feel comfort because it felt a little cold. Two.

Do you think it was too robotic? Two. Ouch. I would have gone four. I'm saying for this job, she might not be appropriate, but she could be perfect. She's a nine and a 15. She'd be great for a Google Maps, do you think?

Great for a Google Maps. Okay. All right. Wait there. Kerry, good morning. Oh, morena. Morena. When you're ready, give us unexpected item in bagging area.

Unexpected item in bagging area. Oh. Oh, yes. I liked like it it felt a little cold what do you think do you think do it again do you want to be here clem fang dango that is that is always it you're nervous can we go again um but we're just giving us a smile. With a smile. Once again with a smile. That's not condescending. Once again with a smile. I love smiling. Here we go. Unexpected item with an... Oh, my God.

Oh, no. She's lost it. We have to have a reboot. One more. One more. Okay, I've got it. Here we go. Unexpected item in bagging area.

I like it. I like it, too. I like it. It was concise. For me, though, the affection went down too much. Oh, my God. Unexpected item in bagging area. What would that come at the cost of?

Clarity? More feeling. Yeah, yeah. So the comfort was low. I feel you'd be agreed. Comfort was low. The pace wasn't. I hit a two.

I feel all. A two. Yeah. For comfort. No, look, Kerry, I want you to work. Thank you. Wait there. Let's go to Callie.

Good morning, Callie. Hi, morning. Now, when, Kiri, I want you to work. Thank you. Wait there. Let's go to Callie. Good morning, Callie. Hi, morning. Now, when you're ready, give us an unexpected item in bagging area. I can feel a Kiwi accent there. Yeah. Okay. All right, here we go. Unexpected item in bagging area.

Oh, that's really good. I like that. I like that. The pace, five. For me, it was spot on. Great pace. Can we go again? Sure. On your second read, I need you to also visualise that someone is trying to, I like that. The pace, five. For me, it was spot on. Great pace. Can we go again?

Sure. On your second read, I need you to also visualise that someone is trying to steal something. It needs a little bit, just a touch, a sprinkle, a pinch of authority. Alrighty, here we go. Unexpected item in bagging area. Oh, yeah, she's judging. Yeah, she was judging. I mean, Bourne, you did want the condescension. But I asked for a yeah, she's judging. Yeah, she was judging. I mean, Vaughn, Vaughn,

you did want the condescension. But I asked for a pinch, she put a sprinkle. Not everybody's stealing. Not everybody's stealing. Not everybody's stealing. They don't get their weights right. I think we should take her first audition,

throw out the second take. Yeah, okay, let's mark I reckon we go fours. I'm in for fours. I really like that one. Fours across the board. Fours across the board, yeah. What's on the board, Miss Ford?

All right, we're going to go to Max now. Good morning, Max. Good morning. Now, how old are you, Max? I'm nine. Nine. Okay. It would be a world first.

I really love auditioning, so yeah. Okay, do you audition for a lot of things? Yeah, I just auditioned for the school production. Oh! What production are the school doing? We're doing Poseidon's Deep Blue Sea. Oh, wow! Now, what did you...

Poseidon's Deep Blue Sea? Yeah. I've never even heard of that. What are you auditioning for, Max? I just didn't make it in. Oh! Oh, no, Max! Max, what did you miss out on?

Um, I just didn't. I wasn't there the day that they rolled it, gave out the auditions. But the next day, I asked for one, but that was the auditioning day. So I had to learn it very quickly. I needed to learn them, but I didn't have enough expression. Max, this is bullshit. Do I swear in front of the child? Excuse me, Max.

We apologise. I'm very passionate about when children miss a day of school that they miss out on an opportunity. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not you doing the right thing, Max. You said to him,

you're sick. That's what we're asking everyone to do. Stay home if you're sick. COVID-19. Bing bong, COVID announcement. Max is doing what he's been told and he's missing out on opportunities to play, I'm guessing, a mer-man, a mer-boy

in Poseidon's Deep Blue Adventures of the Sea. Surely there's a chance for you to be in the production still, though. We don't know. We don't know. Max, I'm coming to your school.

I'm coming to your school. We're putting on a rival production. We're putting on a rival production. And Max will be the lead. Max is going to be the lead. Now, Max,

are you confident to give us the supermarket checkout voice? Yeah. Unexpected item in baggy bagging area when you're ready go for action unexpected item in bagging area pretty good are you kidding me pretty good they said you had no expression i've never heard expression like in my life and i went to drama school i have a degree in acting it was it was dialed it was it was perfect it was pitch perfect i was trained at went to drama school. I have a degree in acting. Thank you so much. It was dialed it was perfect. It was pitch perfect. I was trained at the National Drama School, Max.

I am a professional at this. Max, I don't know if you heard earlier I was the voice of Garridor Garage Doors. Now, I didn't dream, Max. You can only dream. The world is Max's oyster and you know where you find oysters? In Poseidon's deep blue sea, which is exactly where we should be finding Max

in this goddamn school production. We gave everyone two goes. The first go for me was pretty spot on, but we'll give you another one, Max. This time, just have fun with it. All right. I'm in. Hold on. That's all right.

You're good, you're good, you're good. Take a breath, yep. Unaccepted item in bagging area. Hey, he had fun with it. How fun would it be to go to the supermarket and you're trying to put an onion through, you know, sneaky-weaky, and then you hear Max's voice. Unexpected item in the bagging area.

All right, marking. Clarity. Five. Five. Pace. Five. How does it make you feel? Six. At home. Five. Pace. Five. How does it make you feel? Six.

At home. Six. We've got an impossible 16 out of 15. Max is our winner! Max is our winner! Max, congratulations. You've won. Thank you so much!

Also, I... Max! If Mum and Dad aren't going to storm into this school and demand a spot for their boy on the production, I'll do it. Don't give up. You get in there and you get on that stage. You're incredible, Max.

You'll be like, no, Uncle Vaughn! I should have gone in on my own principle. I'll be like, you're riddled with principles! Let me talk to the drama teacher! We'll all go crazy! Show them our real acting chops! I don't know if Max knows what's happening, Vaughn. We're very passionate, Max.

Congratulations, Max. You've won our audition and our hearts. You guys are awesome. Thank you. Thank you, Max. It's PC madness. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley.

You're too small. Okay, audience, we're playing a game. It's too small You're too small Okay Audience We're playing a game I yell out a distance A measurement And Fletch has to put his hands up Boom And he has to guess the distance

And then Vaughn measures it We talked about this on air right Being like An amazing drinking game If you've got a tape measure Booze and nothing else 84 centimetres I nailed it

Millimetre perfect Yeah Fletch was like This is 84 centimetres And I measured it And it was perfectly 84 centimetres? I nailed it. Millimetre perfect. Yeah. Fletch was like, this is 84 centimetres. And I measured it and it was perfectly 84 centimetres. No, 65. 65 just then, I'd say you were a good 10 centimetres off. Anyway, right now, time for Fact of the Day.

Day, day, of the day. Weren't we talking earlier in the week about a baked bean shortage? I have heard something like that. Yeah, there could be. Yeah, we were talking about it. There could be a baked beans shortage. Baked beans and spaghetti. We can't get it.

It was a canning issue. It was a Waddy's thing. Three days ago, high demand for Waddy's t Baked beans and spaghetti. We can't get it. It was a canning issue? It was a Waddy's thing. Three days ago, high demand for Waddy's tinned baked beans and spaghetti with sausages has left the product temporary out of stock. You've got to have the sausages. Who is still eating the sausages? If you've got the forethought to be like, I'm buying some spaghetti, buy some decent sausages. Those sausages are yum. Don't be a ponce.

They're delicious. Yeah, so Waddy's beans and spaghetti out of stock, but not gone forever. They're just on high demand at the moment. So, yeah, some supermarkets are struggling to keep them on the shelves. That's devastating. Well, what we need to do is get us a Heinz baked bean factory like that of Wigan in the United Kingdom.

Okay. Today's fact of the day, is the Heinz Canning Factory, because they can other stuff as well. But every day at this one factory, they can make between 1.5 and 3 million cans of baked beans, meaning more than 1.3 billion cans a year. Who's eating? Brits love a British breakfast full of English.

Brits love their beans. They do, yeah. They love their beans. But that's an incomprehensible amount. I'd love to know. I think you'd probably find the Waddy's factory could do just as many cans or it'd be a lot. A day.

1.5 million cans a day. A day. How do you even cans a day. A day. How do you even have a factory big enough to hold them? How do you have transport enough to get rid of them all?

Move them. Because if each one of them weighs 500 grams. Anyone from Waddy's listening, can we get a little tour? I'd love to know some facts.

I'd love to know some facts. Waddy's factory. How many, like how many, what facts? How many beans we're pumping out a day? Hang on. The Waddy's factory is a new, like how many, what facts? How many beans we're pumping out a day? Hang on,

the Waddy's factory is a new market. Okay, here's a story from 2020. Waddy's produced 1.6 million cans in a 24 hour period. That's in

Sun Live, the Bay's First News. They set a record. This is Waddy's. This is, that's Waddy's. That's the big one in Hawke's Bay,

yeah. So they did the same. 1.6 million cans in a single 24 hour period. That's ataddy's. That's Waddy's. That's the big one in Hawke's Bay, yeah. So they did the same. 1.6 million cans in a single 20-bar period. That's at the low end of what this factory is capable of. It can create up to 3 million cans of baked beans a day if it's got enough baked beans. Wow. Isn't that insane, though?

Yeah. Who's stirring the pot, you know, and putting in the spices and stuff? I want to know whose job it is just to plop in one sausage in each can. Do you think they use their fingers or is it tongs? They're fingering in. Do you reckon they're ever walking down the thing and they're like, you know what?

It's your lucky day, can. I'm going to finger in two sausages. Get two. Get two sausages in there. And then once they've pushed it out, they pull it out and they go. And then they pick up the next one for the next can. Pick up the next. Yeah. Old Man Hines is, oh, no, don't.

You're licking your fingers. I'm Old Man Hines. That's what I give it. Whose name's? It's special flavour. Whose name's on the sign, boy? It's me, Old Man Hines. Just for legal reasons, we'll point out,

Wadis do not finger in the sausages into the cans. Well, I don't even know, Old Man Hines. Just for legal reasons, we'll point out, wadis do not finger in the sausages into the cans. Well, I don't even know if Old Man Hines fingers the sausages into the cans. Thank you for clarifying. This whole thing was fairly obvious with modern food standards. That was entirely fictitious. I can hear the lawyers. You know lawyers. I can hear the lawyers. I'll just point out that

wadis don't finger in the sausages. Someone licking their fingers in a veggie. All right, next can. That's good sauce. You know what? It's not a lot individually, but I'm doing this all day. At the end of the day, I'm full of sauce.

You would be full of sauce. I'm full of sauce. So today's fact of the day is there is a processing plant in Wigan in the UK that can can up to three million tins of beans a day. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Carl, there's been a change to programming.

Yes. Have you seen this change to programming? I've just heard from the other person. The one in the middle. Monday Maestros after Lizzie's special guest. Ready, standing by. So we've got a surprise for Monday Maestros. So we've done things like

we learnt the recorder. We learnt pie. We learnt Espanol. Si, gracias. Muy bien. Si, 3.1416. But this Monday Maestro, we've got homework

and this is a surprise because Producer Anna, you've got something teed up for us. Yeah, yeah. Which involves a special guest. You're very chuffed with yourself, aren't you?

She's being chuffed with herself all week. She's like. I'm nervous because I've got a busy weekend. I've got a wedding. I've got marching on Sunday. What are we going to do? Yeah, I've got a real busy weekend. What are you doing?

What are you doing? Name two things that children in the car on the way to school can hear about. Name two things that you've got planned this weekend. Again, I'll ask if they're family friendly. Yeah. And going to Costco. Oh, he's busy. We have to line up all weekend for that. you've got planned this weekend. Again, I'll ask if they're family friendly. Yeah. And going to Costco. Oh, he's busy. We have to line up all weekend for that. Don't go on the weekend. No, I'm going

today. I'm thinking about going today too. Come with us. Let's talk about it. We're going to do lunch and then go to Costco. Are you going to do lunch at Costco? No. At one of those big ass hot dogs? I don't know. What do we do? Alright, well. You'll find out next. Alright. You little tease. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley's Monday Maestros. Well, this is where we have homework set for the weekend. We come back on Monday and we. Deliver it. We deliver. Well, we try. Some of us better than others. I had flawless Espanol last week.

You did. Flawless Espanol. And I didn't look at the script. I've won twice, though. You have won twice. You're winning. Fletch, you haven't won yet. Producer A, but it's not about winning.

It's participation. Everybody gets a Kiwi Kids Triathlon medal. You're against Kiwi Kids Triathlon medal. Because everyone gets a medal. Yeah. Well, it's all right when I'm a loser, isn't it? Yeah. I think that's how it works.

Now, Producer Anna, you've been, the whole week she's been like, I've got someone for Monday Maestro. I've got someone. This is bullying. Yes, I have someone for Monday Maestro. You'll notice I didn't weigh in there when these two were bullying you. Yeah, look, this is the first. He bullies you in other ways.

He kicked you the other day. Yeah. He did, actually. Anywho. She deserves it. Right. Now, do I pick up the mystery guest, or do you, what do you, want to preface this?

I would just like to say that the mystery guest is an expert in a field that I have nothing to do with. So, please pick up... Radio, is it? Nice one. There was the bullying? Yeah, there it is. Okay, anyway.

I go more for the heart. Anyway, welcome mystery guest. Hello, mystery guest. Hey, good morning. What's up? Guy Montgomery. Guy Montgomery. Happy birthday, Guy Montgomery.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. I know what this is, we. Tell us, Guy. Hey, I'm just so excited to be on the radio. Oh, we love you, Guy. Friend of the show,

Guy Montgomery, ladies and gentlemen. One of the greatest comedians in New Zealand. So you guys have got to do homework over the weekend, I understand.

And I'm tasking you to homework. And you have to create one minute of original, high quality, weekend i understand and i'm tasking you to homework and you have to uh you have to create one minute of original high quality stand-up comedy material hayley does this all the time though she was at the comedy i know i'm going to i'm going to wellington tonight with hayley and i'm going to watch her sit like a hawk. And if she pulls a single word from that set and performs it on Monday, she'll be DQ'd.

Fantastic. Wow. Okay. I'm available for questions. So, I mean, I will say stand-up comedy is not my strongest point. I usually, with stand-up, I usually like, I usually chuck a song in there. I've been doing a bit more recently, Sarn. But I'd say I'm still pretty fresh.

Yeah, but I think you do have a running start in that you're not totally unfamiliar with the experience of, you know. It's very easy to talk for a minute, I think, but when everyone knows that you're talking for a minute with the intention of being funny, it feels completely different. Absolutely. So what would you recommend? Take an observation and talk about it and hope that people laugh?

That's what standard was, Les. There's a minute. I don't want it to be any longer, but a minute's short. It's a go. Flyers by. Yeah, yeah. A minute will fly by. But yeah, what you'd want to do, Vaughan,

is sort of notice something and you want to write that down. All right. Guy, what are you looking for? Like, what will you be marking us on? I want, like, I think originality will be big. Like, I think some of the best stand-up jokes

and some of the bedrock of the most famous stand-up comedians is articulating something that everyone has seen or everyone's come up against, but no one has thought to present it in this exact way. Yeah, right. So I guess relatability will also be in there. And of course, laughs.

Yeah, laughs. If I'm in a more discerning mood or a Monday mood, that might be downgraded to smiles. Okay, great. That's fair. Right, so you'll be judging us. Okay, all right.

Wow. Heck. All right, well, there we go. I'm really excited. There's our homework. I'm going to assume, Fletch, you haven't done stand-up before. No.

I'm not saying that because I don't think you're funny. I think you're hilarious, but I don't know that you go out on a Wednesday night and take the stage. No. Vaughn, have you dabbled?

No. Okay. Do you you dabbled? No. Okay. Do you have any desire to? No. Well, you're in luck. Hold on. Okay. Challenge accepted.

Thank you, Guy. That's our homework. So we'll present our stand-up comedy routine for a minute to Guy Montgomery on Monday. Wow. We're going to need a mic stand and we need to also do an entrance. No, the audience won't see it, but you've got to jog on. Do you jog on? Can I do mine with one of the microphones that you see singers,

backup singers wearing? The Madonna mic. Yeah, the Madonna mic. You will be marked down for use of a Madonna mic. You're going to use both hands. It's not a TED Talk. You're going to use both hands. Get a stand.

We've already started. We're already stationary. Guy didn't laugh at that TED Talk. Maybe I could do a bit on TED Talks. What's up with TED Talks? That's a great place to start a set. Hey, guys, what's up with insert talk? I think you're automatically losing originality.

When you say what's up with, I think you're automatically losing originality. When you say what's up with... What's the deal with... We look forward to this Monday. My story's on Monday. Guy Montgomery, thank you so much. Thank you and good luck. Hello, Soundkeeper Georgia here. So I've actually banned producer Jared from playing the Secret Sound guesses from the show

in the Fletch, Fawn and Hayley podcast. Instead, you need to listen to our Secret Sound podcast to get it and the Fletch, Fawn and Hayley podcast. Instead, you need to listen to our Secret Sound podcast to get it where you can text SECRET9696 and you'll get a link directly to the podcast or you can just follow our socials, Secret Sound everywhere. All right, toodles.

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