ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 31st January 2023

Episode Date: January 30, 2023

Sexiest Man Alive  Top 6: Ways to deal with your kids for a few more days  Silly Little Poll!  Hayleys Sexy Spice Drawer  Gen Z LOVE a smutty AudiobookFact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Start your day with a great tasting McCafe coffee made just the way you like it. And a big whazzup to all of our podcast listeners. Whazzup!

A big sop. A big whazzup. Yeah. Just a big whazzup. Just a big what's up. Just a big bula vanaka. A big bloody bula vanaka. We don't bula vanaka. Well, I don't think we bula vanaka enough,

and I don't think we kia ora ana enough. Do you think we have many Fijian listeners? Huge. Absolutely we would. Huge in Fiji. And a big bula vanaka to them. Huge in Fiji. Well, we actually swung the elections.

They don't want to talk about it, but we swung the elections. Yeah, we did. We put our weight behind the guy that wasn't Frank Bainimarama. There's going to be a coalition government. Right. And you're welcome, Fiji. Fantastic. Well, if you thought you weren't getting enough Fijian politics on the podcast,

you were wrong. Stay tuned. Stay tuned. Yeah. So we're a little bit again today Vaughn and I suffering

very heavily with the man flu man flu of which you were blaming on me I'm not blaming you because I had a

sore throat before we came back and then it's just evolved and I thought I was getting better and I haven't well I'm all

yeah it's a lingering little bitch slow slow it is so yesterday I went to get some dry cough syrup I thought I was getting better and I haven't. Well, I know. It's a lingering little bitch. Slow the lotion, eh? It is. So yesterday I went to get some dry cough syrup from the pharmacy.

It's very dry. It's not like a chesty cough. I can't wait for tomorrow's podcast where you announce you have COVID this whole time. You know, I've done so many tests. I know you both have, but it took mine so long to register when I had COVID. Yeah, I'm trying. So I went to the pharmacy to get this cough syrup and it was like a picture of the box

on the shelf and you had to ask the pharmacist for the cough syrup. Oh yeah, and the good stuff. And so I, well no, it's just no, it's just cough syrup. Oh. Like a kid's melting this down or shelving it. What are they doing? Hosing it up just cough syrup. Like a kid's melting this down or shelving it. What are they doing?

Hosing it up the rectum. Are people melting it down to make pee? No, no, no. This is the cough syrup that people are putting up the urethra. Ew. It's too small. With a tiny funnel? No, with a syringe without the needle.

You're joking, eh? I am not joking. Please tell me you're joking. It's the latest craze. It's called piping. No, it a syringe without the needle. You're joking, eh? I am not joking. Please tell me you're joking. It's the latest craze. It's called piping. No, it's not. It's because you start with a small, you know, syringe. Yeah, right.

And you work your way up to a cake piping bag full of medicine syrup. But she said to me, the pharmacy lady said, have you used this before? And I was like, cough syrup? Yes. I'm in my 40s, babe. And she's like, do you have this before? And I was like, cough syrup? Yes. I mean, my 40s is bad. do you have your ID? I'm like,

no. I mean, compliments though. Compliments. Thank you. Because I think you've got to be 18 to have cough syrup. Yeah, you do.

Thank you. Do you? No. But I was in the system anyway, so she's just like, fine. You've been mixing up purple drank. Remember the slizzurp?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Is it the slizzurp? No, but it yeah, yeah. Is it the Slizzurp? No, but it was, I don't know, it was a yuck flavor. But yeah, so you've got to give your ID now to get.

So it's when? Cough syrup. I don't know. I thought that was only for the pseudoephedrine. No, I got it. I did get it. But yeah, it's just like, I can't believe that cough syrup. You have to do that now.

Yeah. But yet I could go to the supermarket and buy methylated spirits yeah or any good with a salt rim or but you know i love it you could buy anything else there's so many you could go to the dairy and buy nangs you know like there's no shall i ask my friend if we're making if we're making can Are you a drug lab friend? Yeah. By the way, she's not on meth. That's not my meth friend. No, no, no, yeah.

She's in prison. But my other friend... Could you message her and say, why did Fletch need ID for cough syrup? Okay. Does it have promethazine in it? I don't know. I'll say, meth question,

or that might alert the authorities, but we don't talk about meth in any other way. Yeah. Meth question, why did Fletch need ID to buy cough syrup? No pseudo. Because pseudoephedrine is the one that's banned in our country because we keep making easy meth.

It's like a two-ingredient meth. Yeah, yeah. But now there's something else in it. Like two-ingredient pancakes, which is just a banana and egg. Banana and egg. Banana and egg. We had two-ingredient. We're lazy, but I tell you what, we'll make it go the distance, won't we?

It's like keto meth, you know? Yeah. Right. So you've asked. Make it with a couple of ingredients. We've asked. but I tell you what, we'll make it go the distance, won't we? It's like keto meth, you know? Yeah. Right. So you've asked. Make a couple of ingredients. We've asked. So I guess we'll just keep you posted. What is your cough syrup?

Does it do the trick? I'm still coughing, aren't I? Yeah. You're more, you're, well, actually, you're both quite snotty. It's a mixture. I've moved to sinuses. You've moved to sinuses away from the throat. Yeah.

I can't wait to go home. I've got a box of Moxiloxin at home. Yeah. What? It's a Moxiloxin. Okay, what does that do? It's when you go to the doctor and they say, I'm pretty sure it's viral. Yeah.

But I'm going to give you a prescription for Moxiloxin and take that. Moxicillin? A Moxicillin. A Moxicillin. But then I said to him, I said, oh, I don't do that. What do you mean you don't do that? I don't take antibiotics on a whim. I need to know it's a bacterial infection. Because you'll get fresh otherwise.

Yeah, well, I don't want to be the person that creates the, you know, bacteria, antibiotic-resistant bacteria. Yeah. Imagine being that guy going down this street. Yeah. Oh, this was the fuckwit that took amoxicillin when he wasn't supposed to and he created. Yeah, right up there with the guy that had sex with a monkey.

Right. And the Wuhan guy. Yeah, and the Wuhan guy. And the pangolin eater. My meth friends commented. She said, ha, ha, ha, because of how it makes you feel, remember. Because if you remember, I told you the story. I took pseudo cough syrup and pseudo cold and flu medication in the UK

when I was unwell in Edinburgh, and I was high as a kite. But this doesn't have the pseudo-ethadrine in it. I don't know what it's got. She says, yeah, but it was the dextromethorphan. Oh, I think it's got that in there. Dextromethorphan in it too. That makes you away with the fairies and also- No, but mine's non-drowsy.

And some have alcohol, a small alcohol component. Did I get the wrong one? Fuck. Dextromethorphan. Yeah. God, I'm good at doctor's talk. You are- I am. You're a good pharmacist. You remember the loxaloxalum just before. Dextromethorphan. Yeah. God, I'm good at doctor's talk. You are. You'd be a good pharmacist. You remember the loxal,

just before. Dextromethorphan. It's a cough suppressant and over-the-counter cold and flu medicines. Right. Well, you need to ID now. It's the one that tells your brain not to cough. Not to cough.

Wait, so my body still wants to cough, but it's tricked by brain. But the brain is like, you don't need to. So don't. Isn't that wild? Yeah, that's crazy, eh? My meth friend says Dextromethorphan sends me loopy. Really?

Yeah. Sends you loopy or her loopy? Sends her loopy. Have I been loopy today? Have you guys noticed I'm a little loopy? No, Vaughn's been loopy today. You've been bloody in control and running this rogue ship. Thank you. Like a professional. And now Vaughn, enjoy Vaughn being loopy today. You've been bloody in control and running this rogue ship. Thank you. Like a professional.

And now Vaughn, enjoy Vaughn being loopy. Methadethrophin. Frothophin. Methadethrophin. If you're frothing you've taken too much. This is why people often think pharmacists are drunk. A combination of dexamethrophin

and bupropion are approved to major depressive disorder. So it's also like a depression medication. So has that made me happier today, do you think? It improves depression. It's used to treat it. So it's an upper. Yeah.

It's an upper and a hallucinogenic. It is. In 2010, the FDA provided to the Perth the combination drug of dexamethyrophen and quindunudin for the treatment of pseudo-bulbar effect, which is uncontrollable laughing or crying. So it's just straight to the brain, this guy. So was our show today not that funny? And we were just laughing because you're on pseudopropagand and the lethargophorman.

Yeah. And I've been bloody having a shot of Robitussin every time. Yikes. I will enjoy the show. It's fascinating, isn't it? Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning.

Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Good morning. Two minutes past six, is it? Yes. We're running a bit late. You're just plugging in. Running a bit late. There we go. No, that's about when we normally talk. She's in. She's in. Couple of minutes after

six. Plugged into the system. I see you just moved your Taylor Sport, your Frank Green drink bottle. Mm. Came out in Aussie doing rip-off ones. I saw. Did you see that? Yeah, but they'll leak and dribble and stuff. But also, Frank Green's not the first person that did a drink bottle like that.

Can you see how gross my sippy is? My kids have been drinking out of sippy cups for years. My sippy's really gross because I wear a lip balm. Are you a biter? Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Oh, that's disgusting. How often do you clean that? What do you mean, how often?

Like, when did you last clean your drink bottle? Or whoever cleaned it before they gave it to me. I would even argue they don't clean it before they sell it. Yeah. It'll be factory. Yeah, maybe when I first got it and I started using it, I was like, God, it tastes awful, because it was like plastic metal taste.

And you were like, wash it. It's brand new. So this new drink bottle I got like, wash it. You've got to give it a rinse. So this new drink bottle I got, I filled it up with water and drank from it and the instructions that came with it hit me in the mouth. I should have checked inside. Yeah, you've got to give it a thorough rinse. A thorough rinse. A clean.

Coming up on the show, the top six. Yes, yesterday the Minister of Education made a nation of enemies. As they said, your kids will not be going back to school. Well, not a nation of Education made a nation of enemies as they said your kids will not be going back to school. Not a nation, a city I guess because outside of Auckland

I believe even flood affected areas some affected worse than Auckland. Children will be going back to school but Auckland children it's delayed

until the 7th. They said next week. Right, they said no school until the 7th. Gosh darn. Could they have said no work until the 7th. They said next week. Right, they said no school until the 7th. Gosh darn. Could they have said no work until the 7th? Oh my God, imagine. Yeah.

Want us to vote for you in the next election? Give us a week off. Oh yeah, that's the only way. It's the only way. Yeah, I mean, I'm very lucky to be, you know, not affected in the least by the floods compared to some people. But a few extra days would be nice. Yeah, well,

so you've got a top six dealing with this new announcement. Top six ways to get through one more week of your children. Oh God, yeah, because it's another week, isn't it?

Yeah. I mean, it's on you. You have them, don't you? You did have them. It's your fault. But you didn't know you were going to be stuck with this extra week.

Yeah, that's true. That wasn't part of the deal. I'd just live my life without them. Yeah. Fabulous. Free and fabulous. It, that's true. That wasn't part of the deal. I'd just live my life without them. Yeah. Fabulous. Free and fabulous. It's everyone's own choice, isn't it?

Do what you want. Lord, God, I'm having fun. God, I'm having fun. A lot of cocktail nights, eh? Yeah. Yeah. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

You put, he's, the song finished playing, he put his fingers in his gob Pulled out his lozenge Stuck it on the piece of paper That has our show for the day And then as you were saying This is the show's sponsor You started fiddling with it

I had to move it Because I covered up Cup of barista With my lozenge And that's what we say every day Thanks to McCafe Drive through and get a cup of No because you only had one word covered

I just covered it Drive through and get a cup of, no, because you only had one word covered. I just covered it. Drive through and get a delicious cup of Maggi Soup. Something made McCafe coffee on the go. Lovingly made. Lovingly made McCafe coffee on the go. The boys are sick. The boys are sick. You're fiddling with your lozenge.

I've done three. Vaughn just asked our producer to whack in his toast. Well, he's hungover and sick. Yeah, I agree with this. This was a silly idea. Why are you hungover on a Tuesday? They had the nerds over. I was messaging his wife last night. I was like, I don't know how you're dealing with

this nerd fest. We had a big... It was our first ever in-person D&D session yesterday. We've been playing for over 18 months. Because your mate's over from the UK for the wedding. And we weren't even going to get a chance to do it. And then this weather meant that they couldn't get over to Tauranga. So they were like, well, we'll come up and see you.

And then we, yeah, had a D&D session. Then Jared left and it just, it got crazy. Can I put my lozenge in? Yeah, you put your lozenge in. While you're wiring on about Dungeons and Dragons? It was a lot of fun. Jared's so responsible. But then we ate and then we started talking about old times

and then you know how that happens. Oh, yeah. Remember the time. Remember the time. Yeah. And then, you know, here's a line you hear when things are about to get out of hand. Have you got anything else to drink? Oh, yeah.

The wine's gone. And that's a sign you don't need anything else to drink. What else have you got? Yeah, what have you got? I could do a rum on its own. I was literally like, all I have is a bottle of tequila. Oh no, Vaughn, you did it. It was nice sipping tequila though.

No one was doing shots or whatever. But then my wife said, is there more Prosecco in the outdoor fridge? And I looked at my watch and it was 10 o'clock. I was like, I think so. Oh no. And I think I got into bed at like just before 12. Oh, we might have to get a scone day today. There's a house full of people.

We might be a scone day. Yeah. All right. And my kids are asleep on an air mattress at the foot of my bed. I'll carry this show today. Oh my God.

It was former eye styles last night. Yeah, beautiful. Like everybody was just, yeah. Oh well. Follow me, team. Follow me. There is a man in the UK who has got a tattoo,

rather large tattoo, the only tattoo he has. Yeah. He is 60 years old, so never had a tattoo, got his first tattoo at 60. Okay. Right on the forearm, on the underarm of the forearm. What's that bit called? The long wrist.

The forearm? The under... Is it just the whole thing? Isn't that just called the forearm? This is the forearm. But when I think forearm, I think on the top. Four. What's four?

The opposite of four. Eight. Eight arm. On his eight arm. On his eight arm. He got it on his eight arm. And he has a massive blue ribbon, like a cancer one, you know, the loop. Big blue ribbon and then a person with lots of other people inside of the person.

It's kind of a strange looking tattoo. It's quite intricate by the sounds. Yeah. So he started, had an idea. He got this massive thing as a survivor of prostate cancer. Right. And so many people would see the little thing and go, oh, what's that about?

And he had an idea and he said, I'm going to start charging people anytime they notice my tattoo if they want to see it. And if they want to see it and they have to give me money, and then I'll donate that to prostate cancer. How much has he made? A couple of pounds. Also, you just described it, so I assume

you've seen it. A couple of pounds? A couple of juices? Yeah, I... No, I didn't. You bitch. No, he's raised... Why did you do that? I lie. He charges a pound each time. A pound. So that's about two bucks. So far he's raised 250 pounds, about

$500 and his goal is to eventually raise a thousand pounds. Which I think is not going to do much for cancer research but I think the idea... It's the thought that's there. It's the thought. Yeah, right. So he's trying to normalise and then he has a conversation with people about, you know, normalising

the stigma and the shame that comes with prostate cancer sometimes. And I think it was a good idea. I have, what do I have that I could raise money for? I've got a J, so I could raise money for Jesus. A tattooed J? Yeah, I've got a tattooed J. Any third nips or any kind of growths that people might pay to see?

I have a Bohemian Rhapsody tattoo. I could raise money for the Freddie Mercury AIDS Foundation. Yeah. There you go. I'm a hero. Do you want to see it? Is it the notes? Yeah.

The musical notes. You've seen it. You owe me money. That was not there. How many times have you seen it? That was not there. That was not the thing I agreed to. How many times are you looking at me with my shirt off?

Just choose those on the way home. Stop in and have a peep through your window. Well, you owe me $100. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Ooh, to you too. We've talked about the golden ratio before in terms of beauty. It's science's way of determining a person's beauty.

Like the symmetrical, do you mean the symmetrical face? Yeah, the symmetry. It's an ancient math that uses the Greek golden ratio of beauty phi, which measures facial symmetry. And they've

used this to determine the sexiest man alive. Now, every year, who was the sexiest people's sexiest? Who was people's last year? Man alive 2022. I was 2019. Yeah, you were 2019. Chris Evans was last year. Captain America.

Yeah, gotcha. It's too clean for me. What about when he had the beard in the last Avengers movie? He looked badass. Yeah. He can do it all. Who was before that? And he's got, you always forget how he's covered in tats.

Yeah, he is, isn't he? 2021 was Paul Rudd, that's right. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And a year before that. Paul Rudd doesn't age. Was it The Rock the year before? Michael B. Jordan. Michael B. Jordan. Michael B. Jordan.

Absolutely. Sexiest Man Alive. Now, these are all people in the Marvel Universe, by the way. Was Dwayne The Rock Johnson? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. John Legend at one point.

Oh, he's not in the MCU. No. Matthew McConaughey? But these are all people with symmetrical faces. No, no, no. This is just people. That's a people magazine. But they have now used science to determine

who is the sexiest man alive. Right. And they have found out it is Bridgerton's Regé-Jean Page who was the guy in the first season. Yeah.

And that kind of propelled him into all these other roles. He left. To be fair, like... I mean, I'm going to knock it a two for two. Dungeons and Dragons. He's in the new movie

coming out soon. He's the sexy paladin in the Dungeons & Dragons, he's in the new movie coming out soon. He's the sexy paladin in the Dungeons & Dragons movie. Look at his face. I mean, it's absurd. It's a good face. It's symmetrical. And the body we know is absolutely rocking. It's his symmetricality that has made him so hot.

What's his score? Do we think he'd be boring? Do we think he'd be boring? I do think... He's too hot. You're saying he's too hot to have ever had to try. Well, you know that. Is that right?

When you meet a hot person who is boring and doesn't know how to do anything for themselves, you're like, yeah, I can see why. Yeah. You're hot. And people have always done everything you've asked. Yeah. And you've never had to try. Yes.

Personality wise. I feel like he would be quite sincere and earnest. You know the Calm app, the meditation app? Yeah. And they do some story times for night time. Yeah, they get relaxing voices to read it. Yeah, Reggie Jean Page has done one. Has he?

Yeah, it was quite hot. Now I'm not sleeping. I'm all racked up. Yeah. So he got out of 100. Racked up. Get it So he got out of 100. Racked up. Get it done.

Get it done. It'll put you, you know. Nothing worse than getting ready for bed and you get racked up. Getting racked up. So he, ow, he had, sorry, bad knees. He had a golden ratio score of 93.65%. Wow. Does it say who came close? Yeah.

So 93.53 is who used to be at the top, Chris Hemsworth. Oh, okay. He's a good looking man. Hemsworth. Yeah, he is a very good looking man, but. Did you just have to Google to check? No, I did. It's just he's not my type.

Yeah. But he's a big unit though. Yeah, yeah, he's a unit. I like that. Right, he's just too blonde and Aussie. He's too blonde and Aussie for me. So the golden ratio is the ideal result is the height of your head. So from your chin to the top of your head should be 1.6 times as long as the width

of your face. Oh, yes. You're not... Not including ears. ...not round or... Yeah. Then... Have you got your tape measure

on your key ring? No, it's fallen off. It's in the car somewhere. Next, the, you know, the rule of thirds. This guy's always odd about it if someone's taking a photo.

Do you mind the rule of thirds? You've got to take the photo on the thirds. So the top and then the first third will be the eye. The second third will be just under the nose. And then the third third should be from just under the nose to the chin. Oh, that'll be why you've got a lot of your chin in that lower third. Yeah.

So what is it? I've got a ruler now. Chin to top of head. So mine's like 21. Yeah, I don't think this is going to help anyone because you can't change your head, can you? Yeah, you can squeeze it. Do you say that's the width?

Yeah. 15. No, it's a bit more than that. So 15 times 1.6. 15 times 1.6. Do you want to know? It's not good. It's 24. Fifteen times one. Oh, it's not good. Do you want to know? Twenty-one. Twenty-one would be... It's not good.

Twenty-four. Oh. Too wide. Yeah. Too wide. And then finally, the distance between the middle of your eyes, so the line of your pupils across your nose to the bottom of your nose needs to be the same as pretty much your ear.

Oh, okay. That's another... So the ear needs to be the same as pretty much your ear oh okay that's another so the ear needs to be the same length as the nose goodness so do you know the top 10 it went i'm going from the top because we've already said reggae page so when rick age on page and then it was uh chris hemsworth then michael b jordan then harry styles you haven't said a a person yet that's not a stunner did he get extra points when his crotch ripped open at the weekend? That gives you five points.

Jude Bellingham? Don't know who that is. Who is that? Give him a Google. Then Robert Pattinson. He's a football player. Jude Bellingham's an English football player. Okay, Robert Pattinson. Oh, dude, dude. This guy's right up someone's alley. I won't say who.

Jude Bellingham is an insanely good-looking dude. Very. We won't say the alley. Robert Pattinson, Chris Evans, George Clooney, Henry Golding, and Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Henry Golding's a good-looking dude. I don't disagree with any of these. Yeah, good list. Yeah, good list. And for the rest of us,

if we've got a, I don't know, mangled face and it's a bit longer or wider. Yeah, just go for more like sense of humour. Just find another minger. Yeah. Or yeah, find yourself a deep core minger. Just be realistic about how munged up your bloody what you call a face is

and just find someone else with a bloody dropped pie. Phone's having a bit of a mare. My phone's had a terrible weekend. The devil's in it. Did it get wet? Oh, oh, oh. I would just shut that down before it accidentally sends a photo. Have you ever had that when you've been using your phone in the rain

and a raindrop pushes something or starts typing and you're just like, ah. Yeah. Yeah. You got wet fingers and you're like, ah. Well, that's another claim for the Auckland floods right there. Yeah, sure. I got wet at some stage. There is a new drive-thru in the UK

believed to be the first Indian cuisine drive-thru. Because traditionally, you know, take away, but you go in and you say, order for Smith. Yeah. And they look and they say, hot. And you say, you bet. He needs a clean out. And they go, are you sure, sir?

Yeah, and I say, you bet. He needs a clean out. And a chicken, are you sure, sir? Yeah. And I say, you bet. He needs a clean out. And a chicken korma and how many people are you feeding? He's ate naan breads in here. You don't ask the questions, man. You just fulfill the order. He needs a clean out. He needs a clean out.

Why do you think the hot curry? Why do you think he needs a clean out from? It's all that bloody naan bread he's eating. There's never been an Indian dry through. Because it's insane. No, no, no. Because it makes sense. How is it insane?

You don't have to go in and then you get your Indian takeaway and then you take it home and you eat it. But the whole thing of a dry through is I'm going to eat it now.

If you're numbing I'm in a car. It's got to be numbing, numbing, numbing in a car. I mean, yes. Because I hate taking away and not eating immediately.

Same. I've eaten curry in a car. I would rather just have. Same. I've eaten curry in a car. I would rather just have you. You've eaten a curry in a car. It's no different than driving to the store, getting your curry order, and driving home. It's still sitting in the car. Yeah, exactly.

So what's the difference? Well, no, that's what I'm – but the difference is drive-through means I need to start snacking immediately. Yeah. You could get some bhaji, a bag of bhaji for the drive home. Yeah, that's what you could do. I ate a curry with my fingers in a car once. That's how intoxicated

I was. My friend was driving and we pulled up to an Indian place late at night and I got a little bowl of curry and I couldn't wait and I just ate it with my hands. And then I got it all over. I was in the passenger seat. I got it all over the passenger seat and it was my car. And the next day my mum got in it and she got curry bum. She was wearing white and black pants. I was in the passenger seat. I got it all over the passenger seat. And it was my car. And the next day my mum got in it.

She got curry bum. She was wearing white and black pants. I have a photo of it. Wow. And she sat in the orange curry. Did she ever get those clean curry? Curry bum is what I get when I get a hot take of masala. It was there in Easy Cleaner.

I got curry pants. Curry pants. Wow. Do you think this is going to come to New Zealand? Drive through India? I'd be all for it. I mean, anything that saves you a bit of time, right? Anything that makes me getting Indian food quicker.

Yeah. Be it a mall curry? Yes. Or a drive-thru curry? But that's the other thing. If you're getting it drive-thru, it's got to be really quickly, right? So it's going to be like a mall, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whereas when you're normally going to an Indian restaurant, it wouldn't be like that, would it? You want a higher quality. You want a higher quality, you know, bit of preparation time. Something in the tandoor. But how do they have, even at an Indian restaurant, how do they get the curry ready? Because curries famously take a long time to cook. Maybe it is pre-made.

No, no, they're already cooked. Do you think it's just each flavour's in a big pot? Yeah. Yeah, and then they add the chicken or whatever meat. And they take a bit out? Yeah. Yeah. And put it in its own pot meat. And they take a bit out. Yeah. And put it in its own pot. Because curry's like a good, good curry takes a long time.

All day, right? And you've got to like marinate the meat and then do the meat in the tandoor oven. Right. So. Okay. I don't begrudge them a little microwave here or there. It's a messy ordeal. Yeah. Just, I reckon, just wait till a little microwave here or there. It's a messy ordeal. Yeah.

I reckon just wait till you get home. From experience, don't eat a curry in the car. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. From the panoramic ZM think tank, this is the top six. Well, howdy, y'all. Well, hi. Well, howdy there, ladies and gentlemen.

Howdy. We've got quite a few new characters. We've got a few to go. Over the Christmas break. Do your candle enthusiast. Fletch, you've got a candle enthusiast. No, I'm not ready to debut my character yet. He was good, though.

Thank you. Friendly. Aww. So yesterday, the Ministry of Education has directed that all Auckland's region schools, early childhood centres and tertiary educational facilities will remain closed until the 7th of February. Now, that's a week today. It seemed to be news to a lot of the schools as well, didn't it? Yeah. Our school, I don't know, the girls' school,

I was literally getting emails from them yesterday about the school year. And wasn't there one school, like, grammar or... I can't remember which one. It was like, no, just come anyway. What day were they supposed to start today, Auckland schools? A lot of... They start from today.

From today. Summer today. My kids. Some are today. My kids was Thursday, which was weird. Isn't this week just like doing school sports and stationary and stuff? Yeah, meet your new teacher. Yeah, electing student leaders. I'm not an admin. But just get him back into it, you see, just get him back into it.

Yeah. Because that all gets delayed a week, and a week, and a week, and a week. And then we're behind. When does the learning happen? Where are we going to make these days up? So I've got the top six ways to get through another week

of your children. Number six on the list, send them back to their grandparents for another stay. Oh yeah. Because technically the grandparents

are to blame for their existence because if they hadn't had you then you couldn't have had them. And how often did they nag? When are you having grandkids? Well, you asked for it. Yeah. Yeah. Look had them. And how often did they nag? When are you having green kids? Well, you asked for it. Yeah.

Yeah. Look after them. Here they are. Yeah. Number five on the list of the top six ways to get through another week of your kids. Maybe it's time to reconsider sending them to a foreign boarding school. Oh, okay. Yeah.

You know, like a German or a Swiss. Where was it? Jesus, what are you, made of money? A Swiss boarding school? Really? Rich people would send their kids. was it always to Swiss private schools? Oh, I don't know. Oh, my God.

There had to be some sort of tax reason for that, right? My parents only sent me to Queen Margaret College. Didn't they love me? Send me somewhere to show that you love me, daddy. Daddy. Daddy, do not love me anymore. Number four on the list of the top six ways to get through another week of your kids. Set them a last two challenge.

These are all over YouTube. These rich asshole YouTubers are like, last one to leave this Tesla. And then they're all sitting in a Tesla. And I think it's just a way of paying for their Tesla. So you leave your kids in a hot car? Well, no. Well, the Tesla will regulate. I feel like that.

Our kids have done the last to leave the tramp. They go into like the caged tramp. They're like, last to leave the tramp. And they're like, Dad, bring us this. We forgot to get it before we started our last to leave challenge. When do they do wheeze? Well, they just do it through the tramp. That's the great thing about the tramp.

The wheeze goes through. You pick your wheeze in, you know. It never lasts longer than 20 minutes. Oh, okay. It's always, we're going to stay here overnight. No, you don't. Five minutes later, they're inside, watching another last to leave challenge on YouTube.

Have you turned locking them in the garage? Well, that's what I was thinking. Yeah. Last to leave the garden shed. And then lock it. And then go in and then lock it. Right. Leave them a pack of biscuits.

Yeah. I reckon you'd get a whole day out of it. Oh, totally. Is your garden shed got a hose? Because they'll be all right. No, inside. Oh, garden shed got a hose? Because that'd be all right. No, inside. Oh, they can take a drink bottle. Yeah.

Well, it's teaching them to ration their water reserves too. Number three on the list of the top six ways to get through another week of your kids. Screen time, baby. Screen time. No shame. Give them the screens. Yeah. Let them have the screens.

It's for your sanity. Number two on the list of the top six ways to get through another week of your kids, my wife's favourite, wardrobe wines. Get yourself some peace and quiet by grabbing a bottle of your favourite wine in a glass and going and drinking it in your wardrobe. Shut the door behind you. She's built a bar in there. She's got a little mini bar fridge in there.

It's beautiful. She's actually made a beautiful space there behind her dress rack. Wow. Gorgeous. Really great use of space. And number one on the list of the top six ways to get through another week of your kids, just send them to school anyway. Surely the groundskeeper could do it with a hand.

Yeah, weeds. Weeds to be filled. Spraying weeds. Yeah. Pest eradication. The cockroaches and the rats have got away over summer. Yeah. Pulling up the bars.

Yeah. Yeah. All of these things. just seeing them anyway, I'm sure that the guy that maybe shouldn't be around kids would love the kids' help. Someone will be there. That's today's top six. Play.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. There has... Back! Yeah, you are back. I've just been in the kitchen making some toast. You were gone a while. Gosh, that's a nice toaster we've got here at NZMeHQ. Just been out there rubbing shoulders with the working class.

Oh, yeah, okay. Is that your first time using the toaster? Yeah. I've used it a lot. Dude, it's a great toaster. It's all right. Crank it right up and it did a Vogel's to perfection. Oh, yeah, that does look good.

That does look perfect. Is that your own honey? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That's my own honey. And I churned this butter after I milked a goat. Do you know one thing that's maybe slipped through? It's cute, cute reunion day for Karwen and her boyfriend Ryan today because he's been overseas.

His family's so rich, they all go to Whistler for a holiday together. Can you effing imagine it? Oh, my God. It must be nice. It must be nice. Cute. And it's their cute, cute reunion day. Well, I don't know if it's so cute because Karwin said before,

ugh, Ryan's back today. And I went, what's that? And she went, Karwin, this is what you said. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. Because you don't like spooning. No, because she said, ugh, now I've got to share the bed. Yeah, she doesn't want to share with you in Wellington on Thursday.

No, I'm fine with sharing with Hayley. Okay. But no spooning. I'm assuming you don't really snore. I don't snore. Does Ryan snore? Yeah. Oh, dude.

I've been snoring a bit lately because of this cold I've got. Shade said it's horrible, but she's a sort of a semi-regular snorer. Right. And I said, well, take that. Got romance, huh? Take it. Romance. Are you excited to see your man? Yes. Are you expecting presents? to see your man? Yes.

Are you expecting presents? He's hinted. Oh. Well, I mean, if your family all goes to bloody Aspen or Whistler or whatever, it should be a present. Yeah, you can afford a bloody bracelet or something. Some bloody winter wonderland full of rich white assholes. Oh, I know.

Amazing. You'd expect a present, wouldn't you? You would. Speaking of assholes. We've all got one. We've all got one. We've all got one. Well, some people do. Well, actually, I shouldn't have.

Yeah, no, you shouldn't. I feel like I've excluded a small but very vital part of our audience. Yeah. The arseholess. The arseholess. I do apologise. Indeed. For your lack.

Now, there has been a study. I don't know why they did this. Okay, you need to get a grip. You're hungover. And eat your toast. Oh, that's what it is. Yeah, he's been sick. He's acting out.

He's hungover. I'm tired. Aw. Okay, I'm going to give you a fun little study to enjoy, Vaughan, while you eat your honey toast. Okay. It's crunchy. It's too crunchy.

With added sound effect of toast. Okay. Oh, God, it sounds good. I'm really jealous. Oh, no, it's a bit much, that corner. Okay, now do the honey. Now do the honey. Oh, here we go.

Hang on. This is honey. Sounds a bit grainy. Yeah, it's a bit grainy. The honey's a bit grainy. The honey's gone a bit grainy. Yeah, it's a bit grainy. The honey's a bit grainy. Sounds a bit grainy. The honey's gone a bit grainy there. For the studio viewer, the honey's a bit...

It's sort of a crystallisation of the sugar. Yeah, I think you've got mank honey. No, it's not manky honey. No, you've got manky honey. No, it's not mank. Manuka honey. Homegrown manuka honey. Give us another...

He's not very good at it. No, you're not. Yeah. I'm not very good. Nick, give us a crunch. Another. He's not very good. No, you're not. Yeah. I'm not very good. Nick, give us a crunch. Oh, yeah, that sounds so good. That's good stuff.

Dude, that is sweet. That's good stuff. Yum. Crystallised honey. There's been a study out of the United Kingdom looking at the DIY tasks that people don't feel confident doing. Now, there's things that I myself wouldn't know how to do. Change a radiator. I can't do that. A radiator?

Well, they all have the, you know, like you had in school. They all have the hot water heating. How do you change that? Probably unscrew it from the floor. Yeah. That sounds like someone should do that, right? That does. Yeah. That sounds like someone should do that, right? That does. Yeah. That does.

17%, only 17% said that they would be confident to stop a dripping toilet. I've done that. YouTube it. Yeah. Anything that you're saying is 100% YouTube it. Yeah. Less than half, 42%, think they're capable of sorting out a fuse. But the job that has blown my mind is 54%, only 54% of Brits interviewed said that they are confident enough

to change a light bulb. That would be the easiest thing ever. It takes seconds. Now, I know in Britain land, they have high stud ceilings. So often, you know, in those like apartments or townhouses, you've got the high studs. You do have to get a ladder. Get a ladder, yeah.

Got to get a ladder and then you've got a twister. But it's either a screw or one of those push and twists. Bayonet. Yeah. Bayonet. I'm a bayonet guy. I'm bayonet through and through, but all of ours are screw now. E27.

E27? Vintage. It's vintage screw. I always thought bayonet was the older light fitting. No. Oh, maybe it is. No, I always thought it was older as well. The bayonet.

I think everything's mostly screw now. Oh, really? It's moving back towards the screw, the E27. Back towards the screw. Because I've always been bayonet. Every house I've ever lived in. Growing up, the only screw light bulb was the big halogen back towards the screw. Because I've always been bayonet. Every house I've ever lived in. Growing up, the only screw light bulb was the big halogen ones in the spotlight outside the security light.

But they don't know how to change a light bulb. That's like the joke. How many Brits does it take to, or how many whoever does it take to change a light bulb? Statistically, two. Half of them. Yeah. Half of them.

And one would do all the work. The other just wouldn't be sure of them. Yeah. Half of them. And one would do all the work. The other just wouldn't be sure of themselves. Yeah. It's crazy. So you turn off the light at the walk. You don't even have

to turn off the power. You make sure it's, the light bulb's not hot if it's been on for like the whole day. Yeah, turn it off and then let it cool down and then you twist it.

It's the fun of being on the big tall wobbly stool that's usually at the, at the bench. With a big hot thing in your hand. Yeah, and you get up there and that's when you realise it's hot. Yeah, okay. Wow.

Whoa. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Pamela Anderson, who I absolutely love. I think she's a bloody icon. Pam Anne, from her Baywatch days to her bloody, you know, her presentation, her boobies. She's known for them, isn't she? She is very much known for them. We couldn't ignore them.

Well, in 2020, she had a short-lived marriage, 12 days, to a film producer called John Peters. She'd known him for decades, though, eh? Long, long time. Yeah. Long, long time. Yeah. Long, long time. Even she said we would never, it was never proper,

never legally married because, I don't know, maybe something was with a ceremony or something, but it only lasted a long time. You can annul it, eh? Right, yeah. You can annul it so you don't have to go through a full divorce.

Anyway, so it didn't work out. And recently he was giving an interview and he revealed that he has left Pam $10 million US in his will. So obviously because they're just good friends? Yeah, he said they're lifelong friends. Right. He said she's been a huge influence on his life. I will always love Pamela, always. As a matter of fact, I've left her $10 million in my will,

and she doesn't even know that. Nobody knows that. I'm saying that to you for the first time. I probably shouldn't, but that's for her, whether she needs it or not. This seems like a conversation he should have had with himself beforehand. I probably shouldn't, but I have now. It's coming out.

Anyway, $10 million. His inner monologue is outer monologue. Yeah. Yeah. So obviously he's very rich and he'd have more than $10 million to share around. They've got kids. He's got kids.

Right. But yeah, $10 million from your ex that you were married to for 12 days. But also lifelong friends. But still extraordinary, especially if he's got kids. I know. Like you'd think they'd get it all. But then if he's super especially if he's got kids. I know. Like you'd think they'd get it all.

But then if he's super wealthy and he's got – You can share it around. You can share it around, can't you? Yeah. I know. Now, she hasn't commented on this at all. She's busy. She's promoting her book.

Yeah. Love Pamela. But I wanted to know if you've ever been left something sort of surprising in the will. What were you left in the will? Maybe there was something you weren't expecting or from someone you were like huh or were you left out when you were expecting to be yeah and like you know like oh yeah you should have no expectations of a well right see i don't think you should either right people that like i hope my parents spend all yeah they spend it all spend the last dollar on the day you die. Yeah.

I mean, that would be incredible, impeccable timing. Because it's not like you're going to go out. Don't blow out and think you're going to die and spend it all and then expect anything from me. Yeah. I mean. Yeah. Absolutely not. It's not like you're going to go out and joyfully spend the money that you got from your parents dying. You know what I mean? No. It's sort of

tinged with sadness. I'm the same. i don't want anything but maybe you've received i mean i did well i supposed to receive millions from a long lost cousin in nigeria oh that was that email you replied yeah it just went a bit funny they they're losing about yeah it's sort of weird but it's like i think they're investing it maybe and it will come back to me in the but i But I mean there would probably be like, I don't know, family relatives that die and they don't have anyone. So you just end up getting stuff. Yeah.

That would be weird. Maybe like a really incredible old antique. Or just something really weird. Yeah. Or something you're like, well, what do I do with this? Like a zebra head. I was just going to say like someone's strange taxidermy collection. Or you were like involved in someone's life and you were just a friend,

but they left you a bunch of stuff. Would that ever happen? Yeah, well, let's find out. That's obviously what's going to happen when you die and you're going to live to your old pal. I'll marry you for 12 days if that's what it takes. What about your new pal, Hayley? I want to slice.

Get in line, Sproul. He's known my children longer than he's known you. Yeah. And they loved you, Uncle Carl. Did they? You got any money for us, Uncle Carl? Uncle Carl, I want a little bit of money, please. Ask your dad. Uncle Carl, please! Alright, well, 0800DARLS at M. We want to

take your calls right now. You can text 9696. What was left for you in the will? Or were you left out when you thought you'd be left in? Yeah. Pamela Anderson

has been left $10 million in the will from her ex-husband who she was married to for 12 days. They're our friends. They're lifelong friends though

so that makes sense. Yeah, but $10 million. We want to know if you've ever been left anything in a will and maybe it was unexpected. Yeah, or $10 million. We want to know if you've ever been left anything in a will. And maybe it was unexpected. Yeah, or the amount was higher or lower

or it was sort of a strange thing. Or maybe, oh my God, what if you left someone's kids and you didn't know? Like that movie. Is that when people actually... He was a solo man in New York City enjoying his bachelor lifestyle when all of a sudden he became a father

of four children under four. Bachelor daddy coming to cinemas this spring. Anonymous joins us. Anonymous, this is your mum. How much was she left in a well? So it was left to her by her uncle. He had no kids, but

she was, her and her two siblings always grew up very close with him. And they were left $350,000 each. Wow! So they were close. How close? Like always, like

Christmas together? Yeah, yeah, and us kids knew him, so he had a batch at Cook's Beach. Must be nice. We went up there lots of Oh, yeah, yeah, and us kids knew him. So he had a batch at Cook's Beach right off. Oh, must be nice. Well, at the moment, us. We went up there lots of summers and we'd be with him and stuff.

So we all knew him really well, yeah. But I was so surprised that he had about four siblings. Oh, right. You haven't had to give your siblings any money. No, you have it to the young people. Man, hell before I knew it. Holy moly, like $350,000 is a life-changing amount of money. It's so much. Yeah.

Wow. And then were the siblings pissed? My mum's parents weren't, but some of the other siblings were, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like, damn it. But then, like you say, if they never hung out with him, then why should he give them anything? No, and yeah, like you say, if they never hung out with him, then why should he give them anything? No, and yeah, like you say, it was still a surprise to my mum.

But yeah, like you say, it goes to young people. But yeah, it was still a surprise to us. Now, Anonymous, do you get any of this? We do. Mum and Dad definitely took us shopping. Oh, right. Yeah, but we wouldn't know if the batch is free in like a couple of weekends. Yeah, yeah.

Once the roads are open. Once the roads are open. Once the roads. We could helicopter, actually. Yeah, where do you think that 300 grand came from? Oh, yeah, from the batch. Sold the batch. You should have hung on to that batch.

Yeah. Yeah. All right, anonymous. Well done. Thanks for your call. Message is in. Not me, but my partner, Hannah's brother, inherited 350,000 pounds each from their step-grandmother in England

who they'd never met, but she had no other family. That's $700,000. That's crazy, right? You never met them. That's like the stuff of the movies and the TV shows. You've never met them. And what, does a lawyer just knock on your door and they're like, are you Mr. Smith?

And you're like, yes. But I'd be like, sure. Oh, okay. Would you want my credit card details? And they're like, no, no, no, ma'am. We are trying to give you 700 grand. You'd be like, okay, sure you are. Okay.

And it stipulates here if you refuse me twice, it's to be given to a local charity. Oh, okay. Is that? Well, have a lovely day. You have a lovely day, bastard. There's five grandkids. My brother and I are two of the five.

I was left a mouldy cutlery set. My brother got nothing. Our three cousins were left the house and land package to split between them. I'm assuming they'd just been like a house on some land. It's not a house and land package. It wasn't like they went to G.J. Gardner and got a house on land package just before they died. Yeah, gorgeous.

Yeah. And they got a cutlery set. My mum and her siblings and cousins were left a million dollars each when their uncle died. He was an old single guy who we knew only to eat two-minute noodles, hearty beef soups, and lived a super frugal lifestyle. So when he died and had that amount of money, it was a huge shock. So mum and her siblings and cousins, so they're six siblings and three cousins, so nine and they got a million bucks each.

Whoa. And he was eating two minute noodles. He was eating two minute noodles. But that's why he's rich. Yeah, because he's not going out for takeaways every night. Is that the only reason why I'm not actually swimming in it? I think so. Because I'm swimming in takeaways now.

You keep going to the pub five nights a week. Somebody said I got all my great uncle's war medals and stuff. Yeah. Because he never had kids. Yeah. It's quite a hefty thing to inherit the old war medal, isn't it? Yeah. You know, it comes with a...

Well, because you didn't earn it. You didn't earn it. So you can't wear them. He went through hell to get them. And then you just get it. Yeah, it's a weird one. You'd display them. Yes.

Wouldn't you? Yeah, I think you would. Somebody else got left a car that would never get a warrant of fitness, so it was more of like, I just got left debt. Yes, yeah, yeah. Take that to the scrapyard, I think. Yeah. Gen Z. scrapyard, I think. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. Gen Z. Gen Zers are listening to more adult audio, intimate adult audio, than any other generation. Smart. So you're sort of horny podcasts. Is there horny podcasts? Or horny, like erotic literature.

So like your Fifty Shades-esque books. But audio. But audio books. Steamy audio books. Yeah. I knew that existed. Horny podcasts. I did not know were a thing.

When we've mentioned books, what was that book pre-Christmas that Car Wayne was, producer Car Wayne was listening to? That's right. What was that book? No, no, no. I wasn't listening to it, but I might. Wow. It was Peter Rabbit Goes to College.

Peter Rabbit. Peter Rabbit. With Girls Gone Wild. And you weren't, it wasn't an audio book. You were actually reading this book, weren't you? Yes. Yeah. Horny books are back, baby.

Yeah. Would you agree that's a trend? Yeah, 100%. My favourite kind of book is something set in some sort of medieval time with an element of horniness. Like my books have to have like... Like Bridgerton. Like, yeah, like a big long-winded story.

It would have been so gross back in the day. I know, like, yuck, they only bathed, like, what, twice a week? Here you go. Look, the 40 best erotica podcasts you must follow in 2023. It was after his weekly bath that Lord Barrington dropped his trousers and presented his weird, festering member. Oh, my God, number three. Shirley couldn't resist.

Shirley. Shirley. Shirley, of course, number three. Shirley couldn't resist. Shirley. Shirley. Shirley, of course, was yet to have her weekly bath. And don't call me Shirley. Number three on the list of the horniest podcasts

of 23. Naughty audio for men. Really? Mm. Is there a synopsis? Reading hot. Do you like hearing sexy stories about men?

About men. Heaven sacks. Do you have your own fantasies, confessions that you want to share? If so, this podcast is for you. We're reading hot, true stories and fictional gay erotica fantasies and confessions for your listening pleasure. Like we needed to horn the gays up in here. God lord. Confessions for your listening pleasure. Like we needed to horn the gays up in here. Good Lord.

So apparently audio books and audio podcasts that are that way inclined saw a 48% increase in listening figures in the last year. During the COVID lockdowns, more people turned to audio, erotic audio for solace and escapism. And Gen Z is leading everyone in that. Audio, erotic audio. Yeah. For solace and escapism. And Gen Z is leading everyone in that. Wow. I mean, I sort of get it.

You just lie back. What if you're going to be reading anyway? That didn't come out how I expected it to sound. Well, if you nerds are going to be reading anyway, you might as well read some audio. Well, it's like reading, but you keep the hands free, you know? The podcast. Yeah, well, that's true.

It's an audio book. Yeah. So what? Okay, Carl Wayne has just... Back to the social... Back to the producers booth. Yes, hello. Hi. What did you just message the group?

So some people, my friends included, not me, have like separate Kindles that they dedicate just to smutty books. Why can't you have your smutty books amongst your pride and your prejudice? Kindles can only take so many books, you know. Kindles can take thousands of books. How much porn have you got on your Kindle? Not me.

But why do they need a separate one? That's a whole nother Kindle. Or maybe they just want to have it, I don't know. That one's laminated. You know you can just wipe them down, right? Yeah. With an antiseptic wipe. Absolutely.

I assume it's an incognito tab equivalent. Right. Right, so it's an incognito. Incognito Kindle. Incognito. Incognito. Weird. Okay, well, I mean, it's all the rage. Well, just get amongst it. Incognito. Incindneedle. Weird. Okay, well, I mean, it's all the rage.

Well, just get amongst it. You can just... Do you think we need to add, like, the last 10 minutes of our podcast and we just put on sexy voices? Sexy literature. Like, can we read a sexy story? You've got today's New Zealand Herald there, Vaughan. And you've got a very low kind of sick voice.

Yeah, you've got a sick voice at the moment. Give us a horny read. No, do an actual news story from the first couple of pages. Give us some... Front page, front pages. A fortune in fresh produce has been wiped out in the Auckland floods with piles of onions washed onto the roads and more.

Food price inflation expected. Fields with pumpkins, garlic, onions, and other crops and pukekohe. We're still partly flooded on Monday afternoon. Can Hayley try? Only three days after the peak. Do you want the female version?

Okay, I'll do a read for the hetero men. They want a lady choice. For the hetero men. And for our lesbian listeners. And bisexual listeners. Which number in there? Tens of thousands.

Well, because you've been a magnet for the lesbians. We are the lesbian show of choice. I'll say it. The stats will back me up. It's all about running. It's hard for a lot of them, isn't it, with you? It's very confusing. Very confusing. But I do have, and Hayley's talked about it, with you? It's very confusing. Very confusing.

But I do have, and Hayley's talked about it, I've got a big estrogen energy. Big. Big. She's getting, okay. It's because I'm an ally. Are you going sports? It's in 10 calls.

It's a confusing wave. No. What was that noise? I'm dropping in to the sexiness. I can't just come in from my upbeat, bubbly radio voice to my sexy voice. Novak Djokovic came up with an unexpected celebration after claiming his 10th Australian Open tennis title. Rather than lying on his back in the conventional manner,

he pointed at his head, then his heart, then finally his underpants. I didn't make that up. That's what the article says. This is way sexy. My mum's got onions washing up. The NZ Herald is warning. God.

We should have sexy news. Should we do the sexy news? But what if it's bad news? Yeah, and at the moment, it's not the best news at the moment. It's not great. Yeah, well, I tell you what, it will hook the Gen Z's in, won't it? Yeah. And drones.

This person has declared war. They're a confusing generation. They're confusing me. Really hard to understand. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fletchvorn and Hayley. Fletchborn and Hayley, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole.

Silly little pole today. Can you? Yes, you. Rock a yes you, rock a hat? I rock a hat. Cap? Nah, like a big... A brimmed hat. Brimmed hat. I can rock.

And a beanie? Yes. I've got a face for accessories. The more covered up, the hotter I look. Right. Like big sunglasses. I've got a face for sunglasses and a face for hats. You look great on the ski field.

Like your whole face is covered. my god goggles, balaclava Yeah the whole thing Hot Can't be a single square inch Now you two rock a hat Face Yeah Cap daily

You rock a beanie in the winter Yep Born Yeah I've got a few Akubra hats But the thing about When you first put on a hat If you've never worn like a big hat You'll look in the mirror and be like

Oh no It looks like I'm trying to be Trying too hard what i need you to do my dear dear friends is put away that insecurity and rock the hat that the hat doesn't make the man or something the hat man hat hat god it started good eh it started michelle obama and then you are not michelle a dribbly mess. You are not Michelle Obama. I could try, though. I could only wish to ever be a fraction of that. Oh, my God. Do you know what came up in my YouTube suggested videos yesterday?

What was it? Malcolm Gladwell. Oh, yeah, Malcolm Gladwell. I don't want to go down the Vaughan Malcolm Gladwell. I do love Malcolm Gladwell, though. He's great. I don't want to be Vaughan and every day I come to work and I'm like, do you know what Malcolm Gladwell told me yesterday?

Malcolm Gladwell needs to pep it up. That was my issue with Malcolm Gladwell's podcast. Too slow. I listen to a Malcolm Gladwell podcast. All right. Some feedback. Oh, can you rock a hat? Do you believe you have what it takes?

51% said yes. 49% said no. Net half-half? Yeah, that's a lot of people that aren't confident in a hat. Put on a hat. Put on a hat. Not all heads are made for hats, though. Sarah said, everyone complains about five heads being too big,

but no one respects the battle of a tiny three head. Where hats kind of blind you and make you feel like a squishy fish. Would you rather have a five-finger head or a three-finger head? Four head. What am I? Four. You are the perfect four. What am...

Yeah. You're four. Am I beautiful? I just... You are. Yeah, I think you're having a really great day. You're quite beautiful.

You did the golden ratio. You're the best. How many are you? You're at 20 there. I'm five hands to the back of the head. You just keep going because there's no hair

to stop. Just keep going. I'm sorry, Sarah, that you've got a small forehead. Yeah. But I think no one apart from you has noticed. Let's get a tiny hat from the tiny hat show.

You can get an oosh, oosh, bagoosh. Yeah, a little bonnet. Get a baby's bonnet. Mari says, that's not Murray, that's Mari. Okay, yeah. Are you saying that right? M-A-R-E. Oh, okay.

Mari. Mari. Mari. Marie. I know a Mari. Yeah, yeah. It's a Marie with half of the E sound on the end. Yeah, not an I. It's not a Marie that's trying to polish it up.

No, it doesn't look like it. Mari. Okay. Used to, but now I have a faux hawk hairstyle. Ain't nothing going to flatten that, baby. So she's choosing not. That's a choice there, not to wear a hat. Yeah.

Vicky says, I can rock a hat. It's a part of my work uniform, so I'm used to wearing one. It's more weird without one. Oh, so they're wearing like a cap or something, isn't it? Yeah. Maybe warehouse stationery? Do they have a cap? I don't think they've capped their staff.

Who caps their staff? Unsure. I don't know who caps out. McDonald's workers have a cap. McDonald's workers do have a cap. Show sponsor McDonald's. May I say lovely caps too. And lovely barista make coffee on the go.

Thanks to McCafe, you drive through and get a lovely cap. Cap. A Chino. And yes. We'll wear the caps. You drink the caps That was a free one for the show sponsor Mark that down

I think they should pay for my caps I don't Can we build them up For extra creative Okay Ginny just says big head Sad face I've also got a giant head Ginny

If you would like advice on where to get hats've also got a giant head Ginny But you just go to the giant If you would like advice On where to get hats That fit a giant head I've got a deep head And a long head Yeah And NBA hats

People think I slipped straight out I was a pleasure To give birth to Okay A pleasure She said it A pleasure

Yeah I popped out I tipped my hat And I said Thank you very much For the accommodation And she said No thank you That was a pleasure And I said she said, no, thank you, that was a pleasure.

Yeah, and I said, no, no, no, no, no, no, please, please, the pleasure was all mine. Oh, my God. Didn't they have to get the toys? Gracias for the umbilical cord. The forceps. Didn't they have to get the barbecue tongs and push you out? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

And that's why the head is that shape. No, no, no, no, no, no, no tongs. No tongs. Okay. There was no tongs on the head. All right. Just a big head. I've got a family of big heads. Yeah. 63-centimetre hats, at least. Yeah, no. No tongs. No tongs. Okay. There was no tongs on the head. All right. Just a big head. I've got a family of big heads.

Yeah. 63 centimeter hats at least. Yeah, right. So I can point, Ginny, get in touch with me. I can point you in the direction of some big hats. Okay. That's good. Because NBA hats, this specific brand, perfect for a deep head.

Well, remember that time at the Luge, you had to go and ask the lady for a special helmet? I don't want to talk about it. I've got another friend like that. And they're like, oh, try the red ones, try the bigger ones. I've tried. I've done all the reds. I've done all the green ones. The green's extra large.

You're like, yeah, I know, none of them. Cara says it depends on the hat, TBH. The only hat that I feel suits me works only for certain occasions. Cara, believe in yourself. Chuck on a hat. Believe in yourself. I get sweaty, said Tessa. She's running a hot head.

Okay. Also, what if I need to take it off? My hair will look silly. Nah, give it a jush. Yeah, give it a... A flick. I wear a hat every day because I'm bald and work outside. A sunburned head is not okay, so hat it is.

You've got to wear a hat if you're working outside. If you're a bald person, you've got to wear a hat. Yeah, the head gets really sunburned. Yes. Sensitive skin up there. It's not the same. A sweet straw hat. Yes. A cap skin up there. It's not the same. A sweet straw hat.

Yes. A cap. No. It makes me look like a boy. Yes. Says Kate. And Amy said, I struggle to know what to do with my ears. Do they go inside the hat or outside the hat?

You don't tuck the ears in. You don't tuck the ears in. That's like tucking the balls. Yeah, you can't tuck. You don't tuck any of it. No, you used to tuck your ears in. No, you don't tuck any of it. No, you used to tuck your ears in. No, you don't tuck your ears in. There's flat peak

hat wearers that drive Nissan Silvias and go sideways around a perfectly good corner. They tuck their ears in. Or the guys that

ride motocross bikes and love Monster Energy drinks. They tuck their They tuck their ears in when they take off the hat. Yeah, but I don't

think they're setting the standard for fashion. But Amy, I don't think you tuck your ears in. No, leave your ears out. Well, it's up to you. Ears out. Ears out. Your ears, your choice.

Ears out for the boys. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Harry Styles, late night talking on ZM, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Do you see he's rumoured to do a Vegas residency after his world tour? He's a bit young, isn't he? A bit early in the career. Are you ever too young to earn $40 million? Well, I did a Vegas residency after his world tour. He's a bit young, isn't he? A bit early in the career. Are you ever too young to earn $40 million? Well, I did my Vegas residency at 19.

That's right. You were the youngest, weren't you? I was the youngest, yes. New metal? Yes, yes, yes. It certainly was a time to be alive. He did new metal covers. Yes.

I remember the lights coming up in your face. Cut my life into pieces. This is my last resort. Chicken suffocation. Chicken no breathing. Don't give a F word. Ever come a- It is, why did we both go to Pop a Roach?

Like, perfectly in time. Maybe we need to get the band together. I think we could. Let's get the band together. I think we could. Let's get the band back together. Yeah, new metal covers. Yeah. Yeah. Be ahead in the regions.

We're called like Sludge or something. Yeah. Silt Sludge Factory. Well, I mean, that took me back to being young again because yesterday I've never felt older in my life. I've really been trying to pull back, stay calm, you're not doing drinks during the week? Not drinking during the week.

Prioritising sleep. Me neither, from now. Prioritising sleep. He's hungover. Oh my god, yesterday Aaron, I'm going to call him out because he doesn't listen to the show. He yesterday had a cup and we're not drinking and he's doing it with me, right? He had a cup and he sipped from it and it was the kind of cup that I was like, not coffee in there, is it? And I said, what's in cup and he sipped from it and it was the kind of cup that I was like,

not coffee in there, is it? And I said, what's in there? And he said, oh, there was just a little bit of a leftover brandy that I had yesterday. And I was like, I washed that cup

and he went, and he poured himself a bloody brandy. A brandy? He was having a sneaky brandy. A sneaky brandy. And then tried to lie to me. Oh no,

there's a little bit leftover from last night. I washed that cup straight afterwards. Anyway, so I've been a little bit left over from last night. I washed that cup straight afterwards. Anyway, so I've been having these non-alcoholic drinks, like non-alcoholic G&Ts, which I had after my lovely nap. And then I just had way too much fun organising my spice drawer. Okay.

Because some of the spices were in bottles. Some of the slices, slices, slices, slices were in packets and some of them were in boxes. So you've just, you've renovated. You've just got the new kitchen. New kitchen's in. And so have you got a spiced drawer? Well, we've got a pantry with slide-out drawers.

They're hot. They're so hot. Soft close, soft close. Oh. And one of them's like thin and little. And I was like, that would be perfect for these little mini jars. So I drove out to Look Sharp and I bought like 24

mini jars and then I went into the garage. Are there that many spices? I've got everything you ever need. Tarragon. Juniper berries. Have you got star anise? I've got star anise. Star anise. Cardamom pods. I've got Have you got cinnamon scrolls?

Are they tall enough for a cinnamon scroll? Saffron Cinnamon Cinnamon quill I don't have saffron It's a quill not a scroll you damn fool It's a quill A scroll is a baked goods you damn fool

I'm sorry I want a cinnamon scroll Yeah Anyway then we have to look Parsley Do you have parsley? No no parsley is fresh in the fridge Celery salt.

Yes. Chicken salt. Chicken salt. Yeah. Yum. Garlic salt. Garlic salt. Italian.

Herbs. Yes. Mixed herbs. Tuscan. Oregano. See, you're rearranging all of these into the little mini jars. Yeah. I love that. I put them all into the jars, and then I got my label maker out.

Put it on little font. This is sexy content. I put it on little font. These little sexy content. I put it on little fonts. These little jars look sharp you say? Look sharp. Okay. Because I buy those

is it the master foods? Yeah I just do that. No no no no. But then you get the box and you refill the little jars. Right. Yeah yeah yeah. So you throw out the jars

that come in. Your label maker is it one of those like influencer crickets? Look at that. Crickets. Look at oh my god in there. Crickets. Look at... Oh, my God.

Oh, yum. Show me the labels because that could be tacky. No, that's just a label maker sticker. Label maker sticker. It's not trendy. I'm not doing the trendy. I'm not Simone Anderson. No, I thought you had a little mini printer with the vinyls.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just label maker, label maker. She's a practical gal. And then, so we put them all into these jars. I said we. I got my cabinet maker to also get involved. She was also horny for those spices. Okay, yeah, right. Then we put them all into these jars. I said we. I got my cabinet maker to also get involved. She was also horny for those spices. Okay, yeah, right.

Then we put them all into the jar, and then I thought, how am I going to be able to separate them? So we worked out how they could be equidistant from each other on the tray, and we put down a non-slip mat so that when you do the soft close or anything, they don't slippy slide around.

Equidistant. Equidistance them, and then I thought, why not alphabetical order? Really? So I've gone from all the spice equidistance them. And then I thought, why not alphabetical order? Really? So I've gone from all the spice all the way to white pepper. Now, what are you doing when it comes to star anise?

It's under star. Or it's under an anise. What's it actually called? Star anise. Star anise. Is that under anise or star? Star. Mixed herbs is under mixed. Why is that under anise? Nice or star? Star. Mixed herbs is under mixed. Yeah, that must be.

One that I know. I just keep everything alphabetical as by first letter on label. Yeah. Oh, my God. Did you just fart? Yeah, I did before. Did you just fart? I had a big Monday night.

Oh, my God. Are you dying inside? I couldn't be. It hasn't reached me. I'm scared. I'm scared. Don't let it. It hasn't reached me. I'm so. I'm scared. I'm scared. Don't let it. It hasn't reached me.

I hope it doesn't. I am so sorry to interrupt the show flow with that. I'm trying to talk about sexy content here. The show has no flow. The show is flowless today. It's you.

It's been stop, start, and best. The one consistent... It hasn't reached me. I'm the river of the show. I've kept it. You're a dam. Why have you received it all? You're a dam and you're an ocean.

You're going in and out. You're affected by the tides. I'm a river. I'm just plowing through. You're a dam. Why have you received it all? You're a dam and you're an ocean. You're going in and out. You're affected by the tides. I'm a river. I'm just ploughing through. You're a dam. We'll say it's that sexy. I wish I had a spice drawer. I've got a spice drawer.

I thought you had a spice drawer. No, I've got a little rack above the stove. Yeah, your one's embarrassing. Look at mine. My one is embarrassing. Do you lay yours down or stand them up? There's a video. Oh, no, lay them down.

You should get the inset. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Here it is. Watch the soft clothes. Watch the soft clothes. I feel you should put that online because people are really going to, put that on your story because people are going to love that. Oh, no, you're not.

You're the producer. Chanelette Pyjamas. Can we put the picture of my Spice organisation on? No, no, no, no. I want my Spice drawer up there. You don't need any more Spice. You need some vanilla food for a while and a glass of water and a nap.

Do you guys want to see my little spice shelf with boxes and unorganised? If you made it yourself in woodwork, I want to see it. Yes. It's embarrassing. We want to chat to you about if you've ever been involved

in the sabotaging of a relationship. Because yesterday we talked about cheating, Shakira the jam situation. Yeah. Can't go into it, but it's on Instagram if you want to see. Not only the story, but a couple of fantastic Shakira. Some nine out of ten Shakira impersonations. Yeah.

But it got us thinking about whether or you've actually actively sabotaged a relationship. And I really want to know if anybody has sabotaged a relationship to get the person for themselves. Yeah, so they're sabotaging from the outside. Yeah. To get in. But you could also sabotage a relationship from the inside because you're not tough enough to break up with someone. Oh, right. You're not tough enough to break up with someone. So you, instead of breaking up with them

by admitting you don't like them anymore, you do a bit of self-sabotage. Like you just cheat on them and leave the evidence. Yeah, or you lie or do a big story or something. I don't know. I don't think I've ever sabotaged someone's relationship. What if there's someone in the friend group and they're going out with an absolute loser.

Oh yeah, sabotage that. You don't like them and then you sabotage that so they break up with them. So you're going to have to deal with the boyfriend. Yeah. You get your friend back.

Yeah. Maybe. I mean, is anybody going to admit to doing this? Because it's quite ruthless, isn't it? Well, we've actually already had some messages in. We asked on Instagram last night

to get the ball rolling. Somebody, oh, these will remain. Anonymous. Anonymous. Anonymous. Anonymous. I bought a burner SIM card to tell a friend

her fiance was sleeping with our other friend. See, don't just buy a SIM card. You buy one of those cheap phones and then after you do, you snap it in half and chuck it in.

Yeah, you've got to be driving down the freeway and throw it out the window. No, I'm against pollution. I'll put it in a public bin. No one's searching for the public bin. Okay, right. So that way, they take it from the public bin and put it into the landfill. No, I'm against pollution. I'll put it in a public bin. No one's searching for the public bins. Okay, right. So that way they take it from the public bin and put it into the landfill.

That goes to the landfill rather than just sitting on the side of the road. Okay, so wait, it's always going into the land. Always, yes, yes, yes. Okay, right. Yeah. I'm not living in la-la land. So they didn't want to say to their friend that they're cheating on you. Yeah.

Because how many times have you seen that someone plucks up the courage to tell generally a girl that her partner is cheating on her with somebody else and then they don't believe it. They don't believe it and they blame the friend. They're like, you're trouble causing. It's like, no, I'm trying to save you heartache. And they have a falling out with their friend over it. I can guess why you'd do that.

I can get why you'd do that anonymously. Absolutely. A lot easier. So you don't have to look them in the eye when you say, Brian's cheating on you, Cynthia. Yeah, I saw her. You're just jealous, Margaret. Someone said,

I've done it. This isn't sabotage. I left a note on a girl's car to say that her husband was cheating. Hope you wrote it with your left hand. Yeah, so they can't trace it. Yeah, the police can't check who it is. A handwriting analysis.

My left hand writing looks like a four-year-old's at best. Good. Yeah. Hello. Hello. I just wanted to tell you My left hand writing looks like a four year old's at best Good Yeah Hello Hello I just wanted to tell you Your husband's cheating on you And then I always draw a cat in a house with the smoke coming out of the chimney

But the sun in the sky indicating it's summer But you've also got your fire going Yeah I'm just polluting the atmosphere Madness Yeah burning some rubbish inside Pure madness Some other messages on it All these phones that we keep buying and snapping in half.

We're burning them now rather than putting them in landfill. That's right. So yeah, we want to know if you've sabotaged a relationship. Yeah. Okay, so points if you sabotaged it to get the person for yourself. Yeah. Bonus points if you got that person. Yes.

We want the juice, don't we? We want the juice today. If you've been involved in the sabotaging of a relationship, whether you were in the relationship, sabotaging to get out, or you're on the outside, sabotaging to get in, or you're on the outside, sabotaging in order to save someone from the relationship.

And the bonus points, the absolute icing on the cake, did you sabotage a relationship to get the guy or the girl for yourself? And then get them. We should be playing the Beastie Boys song, Sabotage, relationship to get the guy or the girl for yourself. And then get them. And get them. We should be playing the Beastie Boys song, Sabotage, in the background. It's a great amp-duck. It's a little hectic. It's a little hectic.

It's a little too hectic. I prefer this sort of dinky background. Nikki, good morning. What did you sabotage? I sabotaged a guy and a girl who was in my group of friends. I found out he was cheating on her. And this was back in the 90s. So it was all landlines on the wall sort of thing.

I love a landline on the wall. Can't walk too fast. Sounds like a spy thriller, doesn't it? A landline on the wall. An anonymous landline. That was a little bit. I clandestinely rang all my friends. Clandestine sabotage.

Wow. Rang all my friends and just was like, hi, how are you? And then, oh my God, did you hear that such and such cheated on such and such with such and such? And just let gossip do its work and eventually

work back round to her. I don't get any bonus points because I'd already gone out with him and he was a dickhead. Alright, you've been there, done that. So you weren't doing it for yourself? Oh, absolutely not. I just wanted her to know that he was a dickhead too. You've got to have your girls' backs.

Putting that on the scorecard. No bonus points for you, Nikki, but we do really appreciate that story. Thank you. Anonymous joins us. What did you sabotage, Anonymous? I deliberately went after a married man. Okay. Do you wanted him or you wanted the relationship over? No, we wanted each other.

So I went after him. And so what happened? He was my best friend's older brother. Okay. And we've been together for four years now. Wait, so you got him in the end? Yeah, I got him, yeah. So how did you sabotage the relationship? Did you hear that? Yeah. I got him. He's mine. Hands off. Well, he was living with his wife and his kids. And, yeah, I'm an out-of-towner, so he moved up and followed me. But he sounds hot. Now, I want to sabotage your relationship to get him out. I know he's been sabotaged before.

I want him. He's mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he was a faithful married man. Bullshit, he was. Bullshit. One's a cheater. I'm going to have that man.

Amazing. I'm going to have that man, Anonymous. Watch your back, Anonymous. Yeah, you watch it. Thank you for your call. Samantha, what did you sabotage? Every relationship my now husband had had. Oh, really?

Wait, hang on. So you had your eyes on your hubby? You've been sniping them. On Gary. You had your eyes on Gary. Yeah, when I very first met him at 18 and we were clubbing with mutual friends

and, you know, things happen when you're clubbing. Did you get your grind on, Sam? Yeah, you could say that. Did you get a bit of carpet burn? Yeah. Did you show him how low you could get to the ground and you knock a bottle over on the floor with your, you know,

your badonka. With your badonka. You're like, I can get there. Yeah. And so how did you sabotage them? I said, and I hated him Facebook group and all the girls he'd ever been with doing that. I beat up one of his girlfriends.

No, that's. Jesus, Samantha, you sound a little unhinged. So hang on, you did some online bullying. So we're in a club. And then you beat someone. And then I physically abused someone. I mentally abused them. I'm a monster. You just chomped through them until they went...

What's up with you? You were literally the only woman left. It was 100% a case of I want you when I want you. And you need to be ready when I'm ready. I love Samantha. Okay, is anybody else a little bit scared? I'm a little scared of Samantha. Samantha, thank you for your call.

Some messages in. Just be ready when I'm ready, okay? Yeah, I don't want you now. I just beat someone up. I don't want you now. I'll be with you. When I'm ready, I'm sure. And we're bullying, but not now.

Your girlfriend's on the floor over there, by the way. She's embarrassing. But not now. I'll be with you. When I'm ready, I'm sure I'm ready. And we're bullying, but not now. Your girlfriend's on the floor over there, by the way. Pick her up. She's embarrassing. But not now. Okay. You just be ready, Gary. You be bloody ready. I sprayed perfume on the pillow of our good friend's bed

and his psycho girlfriend. Binned him. Sorted. Got him. Mine. Oh, that is so petty. Wow. Okay, what is so petty. Wow. Okay, what fragrance would you put on the pillow?

Because it's got to say... It's got to say sexy. It's got to say sexy, doesn't it? Marc Jacobs, White Daisy. You go Marc Jacobs, White Daisy, but it's a bit juvenile for me. I thought it was an older woman's. Elizabeth Harden. Red Door.

White Diamond, Elizabeth Harden, White Diamond. I want someone to think there's an older, more mature lady. Okay. Yeah. All right. Or a CK1. Yeah. Confusing.

Yeah, very confusing. Is he sleeping with another man? And gay? Put some dupe on there. Oh. You better give it a bit of the dupe. A bit of Hugo Boss. Yeah, a bit of Diesel.

A bit of Diesel. But Old Spice, they're sleeping with their own dad. Yeah, it's weird. I'm so confused. But it worked and they flipped out and dumped them. Yeah. Wow. I love that.

As a 13-year-old, I could dial my bestie's number super fast. And I was talking to her boyfriend who was talking about dumping her and said she had never been dumped before, thinking I could dial faster than him to tell her and he bet me. So she sets up a race that she has no intent on winning. I'll tell her. No, he said, I'll tell her.

And then it's a race and he brings up, I'm breaking up with you. And this girl's just like, well, I was never in the race. But now I get the prize. Okay. Not hearing from too many men. What are you saying? This has got women written all over it.

I don't know what I'm saying. Well, guys would just cheat, wouldn't they? And just be like, huh? Yeah. Was that wrong? Have I done something wrong? Just like, I tore it and I wanted it. I'm a simple man.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about thou versus you. Like if it was to say, are thou interested? Instead of, are you interested? What about thou shall not kill? Yes. You shall not kill.

I don't know if everybody knows that thou is you. It's interchangeable. Through Shakespearean. Yeah, thou. Yeah. So the reason that Thou are more lovely Thou fell away

And you took preference Was it because The Netflix show Was it the Netflix show Yeah because it wouldn't have Popped off It was called thou I don't think

Yeah no it wouldn't have Thou Look at thou I love thou Pen Badgley isn't it It is It is Right

How many seasons did that have I don't know But I've stopped watching. It's gotten a bit silly. Didn't he move to London? Yeah, now he's in London and he's a teacher. Why is he killing all these women? Is he killing women?

He's killing women. Why do you think he was killing bad men? You're thinking of Dexter. He kills only bad people. No, no, he kills women. Dexter? No. Penn Badgley.

Penn Badgley. Did he write about it in his gossip column? No, you're getting that show confused. I'm very confused. Yeah, I know. I'm very confused. Well, the reason thou fell away and you took over was that the upper class didn't like being addressed

as the same as the lower class. So they would say thou became how you would refer to an inferior person and you, they said to each other, the high class folks. Oh, so you was more fancy. Yeah, you and I was more fancy. Then thou and thine. Thou down there or you and I. Yeah, look at those people.

Thou art feral. Yes. So it became sort of like the lesser class to refer to people as thou. Even though now it sounds posh, doesn't it? It does sound posh. Or it sounds ye olde. Yeah, it is a little ye olde. So then poor people were like, they're calling each other you up there, governor.

Why are they calling each other you up there? Well, I don't think they want us to be on the same as them. So then poor people started calling each other you up there? Well, I don't think they was to be on the same as them. So then poor people started calling each other you and started using you and rich people were like, that's our word. And they were like, well, it's all of our words now. And they're like, well, we can't go back to thou. And then you just took over. Oh, wow.

Wow. Yeah. Thou have some interesting things to tell us. But then thou now sounds posher. It does. It sounds more upper class. Thou now brown cow. Yes.

So today's fact of the day is you was originally invented so that the posh people had a nicer word to refer to each other than thou. Fact of the day, day, day, day, Tay. Yeah. No, I'm just puffed. Oh, yeah, that means I'm unfit. No, I just got, I think I've got a cold. Is COVID still going around? I believe it is. I've tested every day as well. For those just joining the show, Hayley gave us a summer sickness. Hayley slept nude, got cold with the fan on, woke up sick, stayed sick,

came to work, made you sick, now I'm better, and you guys are both sick. Yeah. It's the naked sprout variant. But because we're men, it's hitting us harder, isn't it? It's so hard. Really? Making a scene. So hard.

All right. I have a start. You promised stats. Dude, you've come to the right shop. Ding, ding. Hello. Hi. Ding, ding.

No, not ding. I'm at the desk. The ding, ding was the door opening. Oh, right. Oh, that's more of a tring-a-ling-a-ling. Tring-a ding. No, not ding. I'm at the desk. The ding, ding was the door opening. Oh, right. Oh, that's more of a tring-a-ling-a-ling. Tring-a-ling-a-ling. Do you know I have an automatic do-do? Oh, no.

Do-do-do. It's like waterboard torture, that all day long. What about ding-a-ling-a-ling? No. Okay. Yeah, that's why I didn't last long in the dairy industry. Hi, what are you? Hello, how are you?

Well, I was just told by a friend that you always have the hottest stats and I was hoping I could get some. You've come to the right place. Oh my God, thank you. Hit me. This is the stat shot. More than one third of adults, 35%,

admit that at least one of their bills is still being paid by their parents. What? Now, I would like to clarify. Okay. Because I have been burned about this before. I am officially paying for all of my own bills. Since when?

Applaud me. Since when? Since over the Christmas break when I spent time with my family. And they had heard you being mocked relentlessly on air and decided it's time for you to... To formally cut me off. Yes. I've been formally cut off from the parents.

How long were you getting your phone paid for in adulthood? Well, see, now I'm going to say this because he doesn't work for the company anymore. My dad used to... No, no, no, no. There's a statute of limitations on companies that seven years after the IRD can open their books. So I don't think you've got anything to say about your father. Okay, I'll withdraw that.

This is a stat shop and legal advice kiosk. My dad... It's basically a citizen's advice bureau. It's a citizen's advice bureau. My dad personally paid for my phone bill from the age of 13, which is when I got a phone. How old am I? 33.

But technically you were the company cleaner, so that would be fine. That's right, and I always needed a phone for when they were like, Hayley, you've done a terrible job. I get that. I'm going to clean them up. And then my parents paid for my health insurance until earlier this year, which when I got some, I got some of that.

I've got some of that. And earlier this year, it is January 31st, so quite recently. Yeah. And they paid for my car insurance. Until? This Christmas. Wow. It was just like

hangover things. Like they bought my first car for me and so they just got the insurance deal. It was just part of their package, right? And then it's over the years. They just forgot about it. Forgot about it. My parents wouldn't forget about that. I don't think I've got anything still being looked after by parents.

You don't think? Well, I can't think of anything that I would. No, you've got all my own bills and such. Right, but 35% of adults have something that their parents are still paying for. If my parents were paying insurance or for a phone bill, I wouldn't say anything. I'd milk it for as long as I could. I know, and they just forget.

Like, it's just for so many years it comes out of their account. And it was only when I would start going to like appointments of my own that I would organise as an adult and I'd be like, is this covered by insurance? And mum would be like, I don't know. I'd be like, well, can you check the policy? Because it's your policy. And she'd be like, oh, that's right.

We better look at that. I remember when I learnt that people had health insurance. Yeah. And I said to my parents, do you have health insurance? And they said, yes. And I when I learnt that people had health insurance. Yeah. And I said to my parents, do you have health insurance? And they said, yes. And I said, am I under your health insurance? And they said, no. Why?

What's wrong with you? I was like, well, nothing yet. Well, I was supposed to just get some myself. I'm a child. What if I'm sick? I remember my mum saying they tend to prioritise children. Like, she wrote me off. She was like, you'll be fine in that.

But what about you? You're going private. Yes, I am. Because I've got a job, seven-year-old me. Get out there. Get off your lazy arse. Nah. Turns out they didn't love you.

I think time's up. We need to release our parents from the shackles of paying for us. What? But everything's two weeks ago. Yeah. It's your holier-than-thou attitude coming from her now. It truly is.

I want to see receipts from you paying your own bills on everything. I probably could show you literally from when I moved out at 17 or 18. I mean, there was the old

bank and mum and dad would despise you. They did change a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They did, yeah. Yeah, when you moved out. When they kicked you out. There is a French woman travelling around the world.

She's currently in Australia. Something she's noticed when she was in Australia and New Zealand. Yeah. She calls it a completely weird and gross kitchen habit I'm on board with her I agree 100% So the habit she finds absolutely disgusting Is people washing their dishes

Hand washing their dishes And then putting them next to the sink to dry With suds still on it Like all the foams Yes Yeah she's like You're not going to let this dry like this, are you? Oh my God.

You're an English pig. This is disgusting. She thinks it's so gross to have like suds dripping down. Whose mouth is this? She makes a good point. You've got to... You've got to rinse. You've got to rinse and you're leaving,

you're obviously using too much dishwashing liquid. Yeah, yeah. If it's bubbling that much. Very sudsy. So I don't, I, if I hand wash my dishes, which I've been doing a lot because we haven't had a dishwasher, we, thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers. Is it true that when you washed your dishes by hand,

you did it to become more relatable? I did it to be a woman of the people. A woman of the people. You'd lost, you believed you'd lost touch. I'd lost touch a little bit. Because your private school upbringing would have been dishwashers the whole way,

wouldn't it? Absolutely. And I drive a 2015 Mazda and so it's important for me to not let that go to my head and to just be humbling with the people so I've been washing my hands.

It's a seven, eight year old car now. Yeah, that's pretty fricking new. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's grey, it's got seven, eight-year-old car now. Yeah, that's pretty frickin' new. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's grey.

It's got all sorts. Yeah. Anyway, so she thinks it's really gross. I, if I particularly glassware and knives and forks and stuff, I'll always give it a second little rinse. A rinse or a dip? A dip to remove the sud. So a clearer, suddy sud hole. you're going to clear a sud hole.

Clear a sud hole. I will rinse everything after I've scrubbed it and cleaned it. Under the hot tap. Under the hot tap. I'll give it a quick rinse and then dry. It's a waste of water. Nah, you've got to clean off the soap. Yeah.

What do you do, Vaughan? I'm just ringing my wife to see what the help does. So her... Hello, can I speak to Sade, please? Yes, I'm having a great what the help does. So her? Hello, can I speak to Sade, please? Yes, I'm having a great day, thank you. That was just the help. Right. I should have just asked them.

But I think that's a different help. I think that's the... That's the doorman. Yes. Like the phone answering help. Hello, could you ask the help when they wash the dishes? They, you know, they wash them. We don't get new ones every time. No, you don't.

We've seen your chip plates. When they wash them, do they rinse them before they stack them? Like making out you've got help. We've seen your chip plates from Kmart. You've got chip Kmart plates. I'm on the phone with my wife. Sade, sort your plates out. Okay.

She's upset now. Okay, look, I think the gag's done. The gag's done. The gag's done. Oh, hold on, I'm getting a call. Because you are the dishwasher. You are not to call me directly. You are not to call me directly.

Never. Somebody's been watching Will Ferrell sketches this morning. Will Ferrell sketches this morning Oh my god Will do yourself a favour and google Will Ferrell as Neil Diamond And if you don't laugh we can't be friends It's really funny No that was being silly

I used to get told off as a kid We'd be washing the dishes And I'd use too much I didn't use too much foam But I loved working it up into a big sudsy mess But then so many bubbles would go on the plate, the tea towels would get wet quickly. And my mother would say things like, you think we're made of tea towels? That's not the saying, Mum.

That's definitely not the saying. No, I know. She cares not for sayings. She just makes her own up and puts bits and pieces in wherever she wants. But she's like, I would love to have tea towels. So then I would rinse it under a tap. You're using so much hot water. There was no winning with this woman is what I'm saying.

You need a double sink. How good would a double sink be? Oh, I mean, that would be... So you've got one sink with suddy, one suddy sink and one rinsy sink. So you're washing in one and then you're dipping in the other and out we go. But I'm on board with her leaving...

So you're saying you'd fill up the second sink with just plain water? Just plain water. And the other one's we go. But I'm on board with her. So you're saying you'd fill up the second sink with just plain water? Just plain water. And the other one's sudsy hot water. Wash in the sudsy hot, dip in the thing. Oh, yeah. To the side. We're using a lot of water.

We're using too much water. It's a precious resource. Did your mum used to say how much kids in Africa would appreciate that water that you're wasting? Yeah. And I'm saying, mum, I don't think they would drink the sudsy water. And she said, you don't know they would drink the sudsy water.

And she said, you don't know because you've never been to Africa. That's what she used to say. And I would say, well, buy me a flight to Africa then. What am I,

made of money? I'll take them the water. Like when you used to start pouring food into an envelope, I'll send it to them then. Oh my God, that. Look at the food

you're wasting. Fine, get me an envelope and I'll send it to them. See ya, see ya later. Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted. Suzy Cater is a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice, so if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action,

that would be great. Tell her I'll review her five stars if she does the same for this podcast. And then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well.