ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 3rd March 2023

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

Drake relates to...  Top 6: Robot Names  Silly Little Poll!  Annoying Work Questions  Final Rankings: Charcuterie Cheeses  The Impossible Phoner!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Start your day with a great tasting McCafe coffee made just the way you like it. Well, someone is in trouble when they get home. Someone is putting fresh sheets on the dog bed for the night. No, that's you're in the dog box. You're in the dog box. No, you're out in the dog bed. Yeah, there's no dog bed. No sheets for the dog bed for the night. No, that's you're in the dog box. No, you're out in the dog bed.

Yeah, there's no dog bed. Someone's in the dog bed tonight. Someone's in the dog box. Someone's getting the small linen sheets out of the cupboard for the dog bed. Wait, do you have a dog bed? Yeah. The dog bed doesn't have sheets. The dog bed is a soft bed.

The bed is the sheet. The dogs don't need sheets. The dog bed. If your dog The dog bed is a soft bed The bed is the sheet The dogs don't need sheets The dog bed If your dog needs sheets Get a new dog It's dog box Dogs don't need sheets I don't have a dog That's ridiculous

Producer Jared You're in the dog box I am Do you want to read out The message you just got Yeah so That got your heart Your bloody heart racing

Yep So casual good morning text To the middy How are you? That's beautiful. We don't bother anymore. Yeah. And she said, apart from hearing three of your alarms go off this morning, I'm all right.

Oh! Peep, peep, peep! Daddy's going to go to work. You know? Daddy's going to do what Daddy's going to do at 4 a.m. Daddy's going to bring home the bacon. The bacon is coming home. That is so pass ag.

I know. Dude, Aaron used to do this to me and I used to flip because I was like, you think you're grumpy that my alarms are going off? I'm the one who's actually going to get out of bed now and deal with it. Deal with the day. But were you snoozing multiple times? Well, that's the thing. So normally I don't snooze, but this morning in a

bleary-eyed haze when my alarm went off I pressed, like, turn off alarm. But I missed and pressed snooze without realising. Right. And then did you snooze? Yeah, so I snoozed three times accidentally this morning. Your body needed it, babe. You've got to listen to your body in the morning. Your body obviously needed it.

Your body is very intuitive and it'll tell you what it needs. Yeah. Wow. What did you, did you reply back to that message? Um, I just sent a little like smiley face,

hee hee, a little hee hee. Maybe I'll bring home some flowers. Hee hee, I'm cute. Yo, how are we going to remedy this?

You can come home, flowers suck though, flowers die. And you know what, I can buy myself flowers. I can buy myself flowers. What about, something, something myself flowers. What about... Something, something, something.

What about a sexy little costume? Yep. This is what she wants. She's fishing for something. Yeah, well, let her fish. No, but a sexy little costume's not... Not every girl wants a sexy little costume. Don't speak on my behalf.

No, I wouldn't dare speak on your behalf, but I know not every girl wants a sexy little costume because it seems like you're getting them something that's just for you, though. Hypothetically, if you were to want a sexy little costume, what would it be? What would I want to see Aaron in? Something like Flash Gordon when he's in the little hot pants,

you know, like little white shorts. Flash Gordon. Flash has got no idea what you're talking about. Savior of the universe. No, I would want Aaron as a Viking. For reference, there's the Flash Gordon. I know what a Flash Gordon is. I know what a Flash Gordon is.

Who Flash Gordon is. I know what a Flash Gordon is. A Flash Gordon is a person. Yeah, calm down. What would you want? If your partner, if Emma was to get dressed up in a little costume, what would you want it to be? Oh, I'm not. Pikachu. I don't want to say. It in a little costume, what would you want it to be? Oh, I'm not.

Pikachu. I don't want to say. There's a little Pikachu. Sexy Pikachu. Sexy Pikachu. Probably someone with glasses on. Oh. Someone with glasses on.

Sexy nerd. Sexy nerd. Sexy nerd, like a librarian. Are we talking like a sexy librarian? Yeah, hot librarian. Do you know who's got the glasses? What about a sexy little Jeff Goldblum costume? Oh, yeah.

I want to make a little... What do you want Sade to dress up as? Lumberjack. What? Whoa! Oh, my God, a little tie-plaid shirt? It would be like a... That's because she was holding the chainsaw the other day.

Yeah. Making your horn up. Didn't turn it on. She mowed the lawns yesterday. I saw she missed a bit though, didn't she? She did. She gave the lawns a couple of mohawks. It was really long.

Tough. She blamed the fact that it was really long and the blade couldn't get to all the grass. And I was like, I don't know if that's exactly how blades work. She left a couple of bloody landing strips, didn't she? Yeah. Loves a landing strip, that girl. Fletch, what would you want Margaret to dress up as? Oh, cat's out of the bag.

Oh, no, oh, no. Cat's out of the bag. Oh, my God, we were soft launching her. Margaret. Soft launching Margaret, and you've hard launched Margaret. She doesn't like her hard launch. Oh, I'm sorry. I was so excited about it.

She's a lovely girl. She's soft. Gentle entry. She's gentle entry Margaret, we call her. Gem. She's a gem. Gentle entry. Gentle entry Margaret was called. A gem. She's a gem. Gentle entry Margaret. Oh, lovely Margaret.

Plenty of foreplay required. Oh, my God. Let's spend some time here. I don't know what Margaret would want to wear. Right. You've only met her once. What do you think? It's not what Margaret would want to wear.

It's what you want Margaret to wear. Margaret's going to submit to you and say, you tell me what I need to be clothed in. Just clothes. Clothes is fine. Clothes is fine. Jesus Christ. You don't even want Margaret to know.

She's got a hell of a body. She's got a bloody rig on her. Something from the latest farmer's catalogue. Oh, yeah. Sexy lingerie. A sensible but sexy lingerie Sort of a A sensible but sexy lingerie Yeah yeah

Sensible Like a sports bra Yeah I'm sure Yeah hot Yeah hot Carwen what would you like Ryan dressed as Ryan as Carwen's

Lover Boyfriend lover or partner Partner Partner Okay what sort of Sexy thing would you like When someone says my partner I'm like

I always think they're Talking about the same sex The romance is dead Oh okay no sorry same sex. The romance is dead. Oh, okay. No, sorry. What? Okay, fine. The romance is dead.

Say lover. Say lover. What do you want Ryan to wear? I don't want people thinking of... What do you want your lover to wear? Well, you had anything I feel. They've just outed Margaret. I know.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry about that. I really feel bad. I do love the addition of Margaret to our family. Oh, she's such a welcome energy. She's really fit in. Gentle entry, Margaret. Margaret to our oh she's such a welcome energy she's really fit in gentle entry Margaret gentle entry

and she's never abrasive no no no no no no Margaret Margaret's very easy going what's Ryan wearing in this hypothetical party I don't know

what about I've got the farmer's catalogue here do you want something out of there yeah maybe some yeah some sensible jockeys or something

just some jockeys not like a cosplay sort of a situation no that's not There's a pajamas catalog here. Do you want something out of there? Yeah, maybe some jockeys or something. Just some jockeys. Oh, like a cosplay sort of a situation. No, that's not for me. Oh, I think it'd be fun. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Chanelette pajamas, what would you like the magician to be dressed as?

I don't know. No, no, no. Your boyfriend's name, I just know he's a magician. Oh, my God. What a defining trait. Pen from Penn and Teller. What would you want him to dress as?

What is Pen wearing? Yeah What is Siegfried of Siegfried and Roy wearing? Can we soft launch your boyfriend? Yeah Wait, no because she's already hard launched But you mean to the podcast people? To the podcast people

Podcast people Yeah, yeah I mean you've hard launched Margaret I know and again Margaret, I'm so sorry Yeah What's your boyfriend's name? His name's Brendan. Brendan the Magician.

Brendan. What would you want Brendan wearing? Something that's like rich that I could pawn off after, I don't know. Like a gold necklace and then it's gone. A gold, and then it's gone. So you're going to rob your boyfriend after he dresses up for you? He makes it disappear. Right.

Yeah, because he's a magician. Alakazam. Where do you put it? I don't know. You never know where it goes. Where the hell did it go? Yeah. Yeah, because he's a magician. Alakazam. Where do you put it? I don't know. You never know where it goes. Where the hell did it go? Yeah. Up the boom.

Oh, dear. Do you know how many places it can go? God, please. Not Margaret, that's for sure. That's a real sleight of hand if you're watching a magic show and he can reach up his ass and hide a watch. And just in one fell swoop, just go, and it's gone. Up the boom.

Disappear. Now that's a magician yeah right is he free for parties all for you you can get a plug in you can get a plug in

I'm a podcast plugger I don't think she wants to plug the fact that her boyfriend's a magician she said play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley

thank you Sam good morning welcome to the show Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley just realised Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Just realised that Vaughn doesn't have a microphone. Could do with one of those. It's been moved. At drama school, we learnt to project. So you could have mine and I could just project to the nation

so they could hear me. Does not work that way! Good morning, New Zealand! Okay, we've found a microphone. We'll just plug that in. Who was using that? What happened there? I don't know.

Somebody's been bloody playing silly buggers. This has big Brie and Clint energy. Yes. Are you on now? Test one. Test, test, test. I'm on now. Test, test, test.

I'm on now. Pricey subverted. Welcome. It's a wobbly stand. It's a wobbly stand. I'm on now. Test, test, test. I'm on now. Pricey subverted. Welcome. It's a wobbly stand. It's a wobbly stand. I'm very uncomfortable with this situation. Okay, great start to the show, guys. Just another attempt for the woke left to silence the white man.

That's right. That's what it is. That's what I'm feeling. That's how it is. I'm feeling, speaking of the woke left, feeling very proud of my friend who's a journalist for the spin-off. Yes, I woke up and saw these headlines and I was like, I know Sam. You may see the headlines of Auckland Mayor Wayne Brown saying,

don't effing talk to me. I saw this. That's my friend who just asked him a question. About the arts? About the cut in arts funding. And I love that his staff said, asked rather aggressively. Now, if you know my friend Sam, you'll know that one, very softly spoken. No aggression.

Two, a very prominent stutter. So there's no way that he can even ask aggressively. Yeah. Because he'll interrupt himself. Don't effing come and talk to me, Brown said to the journalist. Write a submission and make it clear that you want to value it, he said. No, I'm thinking he wasn't

the best man for the job. Yeah. I'm thinking you might not have been the right candidate. Hey, we voted for him. I didn't. The collective we. Yeah. Alright, on the show, coming up, the top six.

Vaughn, there's new technology. There is a robot that swims up your bum hole and finds the organs that need repairing and will 3D print them from the inside. This is insane. How do you grow me a kidney? They could 3D print you a kidney. How do they get the cartridge refills?

Because a kidney would be a few refills. We're house stationary. I want to know how to get the drone blades in there without absolutely making a mess of it. It's up there. And it'll shoot up and say if you have a big chunk taken out of your colon or your bowel, it can apparently... It's obviously beginners.

You can't just pop down to the doctors and stuff. They don't know about you. Like, if you've got a kidney for me, there's a great new 3D printing drone situation. But they're testing this robot and it's going to need a name. The top six names. Oh, yeah.

For the robot that swims up your bum and prints your organs. Brilliant. Prints your bits. Coming up soon on the show, our cash combo back again this morning. We'll give you the three artists that you ought to be listening out for

to win the cash at seven after the news and then be listening from nine to win. A grocery grab as well at eight o'clock this morning thanks to The Warehouse. What did we give away yesterday? Two. Two. Two.

Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three.

Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three.

Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three.

Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Three. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. Two.

Two. Two. Two. Two. Two. I'm going to give a little 6am clue of what it is. This item, to me, is very amusing. Oh, my God. Worst clue ever. Just handing it to you. It's Friday.

It's Friday. It's Friday. There you go. Well, that's the $100 grocery item today. Be listening at 8 to play. Next on the show. Ladies, we've got a new ally in Drake. Oh, okay.

He thinks he can relate to particular women for a certain reason. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I, Drake. Drake, quite famous. I, Drake. I, Drake, do declare. William has made a bit of a declaration, actually. Drake, who's 36 years old.

I don't know if I feel like that's young or older than I thought he was. He's sort of, no, no, it is younger. He's been around a while. He's been around a long time. Because what was that TV show he was in? He was in a TV show, right? Yeah. Beverly Hills 90210.

No. Or was it Freaks and Gags? Degrassi High. That's the one. Or was it Freaks and Geeks? Degrassi High. That's the one. It wasn't Freaks and Geeks. Freaks and Geeks was like 20-something years ago. But that was that show that Eberrealm was in. Do you know, I listened to an episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend,

and it was Jason Segel. Fantastic. Listen, he was in Freaks and Geeks. Yes. So Judd Apatow did Freaks and Geeks. Yes. Yeah. And he said when Freaks and Geeks got cancelled,

he was so annoyed, he went about making every person that was in Freaks and Geeks a Hollywood star to prove the people that cancelled it wrong. And you think about it, that line-up was everybody's gone on to do things. Seth Rogen, he was in it. Yeah, James Franco was in it. Say what you will about it.

Izzy Phillips, she was in it. Yeah. So he's kind of where you put them all in movies and stuff. Right, just to prove a point. And he backed him for forgetting Sarah Marshall. Yeah, right. Yeah, I thought that was interesting. Anyway, freaks and Greeks.

Freaks and Greeks? Freaks and geeks. Freaks and Greeks aside, Drake was into Grassy High Wow there you go Much a say That was the OC No it was that as well That was from when so and so got shot

Much a say It wasn't SNL Was it SNL that did the sketch? Yeah Funny Anyway we digress See hi Pause for applause I'm not giving you that SNL that did the sketch? Yeah. Funny. Anyway, we digress. See, hi. Pause for applause.

I'm not giving you that. Vaughn, did you not hear? Jared, you're usually on board. For a pun. God's sake. Alright, 36-year-old Drake was having an interview and he's using an excellent analogy to describe what it's like to be famous. What it's like to be

Drake famous. Because he is a mega star. He said, I was talking to a therapist at one point and he was like, you know what, I know what it's like to be a woman with big tits. This is what Drake said. Big titties. That's what he said because he said when a woman with massive boobs walks into the room, everyone's going, don't look at the boobs, don't look at the boobs, don't look at the boobs.

Right. And he's like, I get that, because I walk into a room and people are like, oh my God, it's Drake, don't look at Drake, don't look at Drake, don't look at him. Don't make a big scene, don't look. So he said, when a woman with, this is his words, not mine,

when a woman with, quote, gigantic tits, walks into a room, the only thing people are thinking is like, holy moly, the tits. Don't look at them. And so he says, I totally relate to girls. That's why I relate to girls with huge titties. Was there another analogy he could have used?

Like what? I can literally only think of women with massive boobs. Okay. Because that's what you try not to look at. But it's anything like very different. The only other analogy I can think of is Austin Powers saying molly, molly, molly. The mole on the face.

Look at the mole. Or if someone's got a prominent birth mark. Yes. Drake could have said I, because it would have sounded less creepy. Yeah. He said if you've got like a prominent facial scar or birth mark I know what it's like because I walk into a room and I automatically feel people are like don't look at him, don't look at him just like they're saying don't look at him, don't look at him. Yeah.

No, he went with... Big boobies. He said, didn't he put like a million dollar bet on that? Oh dude, he said if he didn't have as much money as he did, you'd call him a problem gambler. Yeah, they bet a million dollars on that boxing fight. The Jake Paul one. And he lost. Oh, that's just a drop in the bucket. He put money for Jake Paul. Yeah. I wouldn't know. Did he. The Jake Paul one. And he lost. Didn't he? He put money for

Jake Paul. Yeah. I wouldn't know. Did he put it on Jake Paul? Yeah. And he lost a million dollars. And his private jet is like, have you seen the interior? It's tacky. It's so tacky. Garish. Garish. Is that the word for when something's

really expensive but it's not it doesn't mean it's nice? You say something's got garish taste. Oh my God, that is garish. Are you looking at the photos now? Money can't buy taste. No. Money cannot buy taste.

That looks like it's straight from the 90s. Garish indeed. My private jet is quite classy and sort of restrained. It is. It's very tasteful Elegant fine lines Mine looks exactly like a Air New Zealand 737 And it's really nice because

I let other people ride it Yeah And sometimes I don't even sit at the front Wow You'll sit in row like 5A I'm a man of the people Yeah you are It's so nice you let everyone else ride on you

I let them chip in I let them chip in. I let them chip in for gas. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, a manager of a 19th century Japanese guest house has apologised after its 158 year old spa bath

was found to be teeming with poisonous bacteria. Yucky. Like a recalled hummus. I binned mine yesterday. Did you? You binned your hummus. Yeah, I had to make room in the fridge and I was like, you know what, let's get rid of this.

There's been a lot of hummus recalled, by the way, New Zealand, if you missed that yesterday. The humble chickpea would have never suspected it. I believe some of the box meals, some of those had hummus in them. Was it My Food Bag? Did they? For shame, Nadia Lim. Don't you dare.

For shame. Don't you dare. I'm going to call that little bee out. No, don't you dare. We love. Okay, so your hummus recall widens to include My Food Bag products. It's recalling its own brand and Turkish kitchen products including tahini

and miso dressing. Who never had tahini? And a baba ghanoush. Hey! So yeah, maybe just check that. And yeah, a lot of hummus recalls of it. It's in the fridge. Be careful because it's salmonella dub. I need to get some intel. What's that? I need to get some intel here. One of my close friends runs the Lebanese bakery

in Wellington, Alamir. What, a heterosexual's not allowed? That's a bit rude. No, Lebanese from Lebanon. No, yeah, you thought she said lesbian. Lesbians are allowed to go there for sure. I've never been to a lesbian bakery. Oh, there's all sorts.

I was going to say something. I was forming all sorts of analogies in the brain. I mean, I spiked the ball for you, but you didn't hit it over the knee. I dropped it. I'm sorry. So anyway, back to this Japanese onsen pool. They've had to apologise because they have

admitted after this bacteria surfaced that they only clean the water twice a year. But that's sort of, I mean, yes, it's gross because it's a shared, a public shared thing. Yeah, I just Googled it. It's a big, it's like a big pool.

Yeah. It's not like, you know, when you think of those Japanese pools, it's not that nice. I say this one that we're talking about. Queenstown Onsen. Oh, we're not talking about Queenstown Onsen. Oh, that's so nice. They're more individual tubs though, aren't they? The Queenstown

pool. Yeah, like a traditional onsen is like big warm pools that you all kind of wade in together. Onsen are the country's hot springs and natural bathing facilities. So it's kind of like their collective bath. Yeah, but

the word originates from like a natural hot spring where you would soak. Yeah. I always wonder when you go to hot pools, like how often they change the water. Don't put your head in there. Well, you've got a spa and a pool, Vaughan. I do. Must be nice.

It is. It must be nice. Good for you. Thank you. The spa pool heating mode is broken, so that's just a small cold pond at the moment. Is it green? No, it's not green because the filter's going but the heating unit's broken. Right.

So you've got a plunge pool now. Yeah, effectively. Effectively, yeah. But how often would you change the water in both your pool and your spa? No, never.

It just circulates. So he's a never. Ew, you're a never. But the idea is it circulates and you add the chemicals to keep the pH neutral

and... The idea is I'm not coming over to your house. The chlorine kills the bugs. Sure it does. Well, that's what they said at this onsen in Japan. And people have got legionnaires.

At least they're doing it twice a year. Vaughans are never. How long have you lived in this house for? Oh, four years. You are yuck. Ew, yuck. You ought to be ashamed. I was going to say, if you guys want to come over for a swim this afternoon,

you can stick up your ass now. No, no. You stick it. You stay outside in the heat You ought to be ashamed. I was going to see if you guys wanted to come over for a swim this afternoon. You can stick up your ass now. No, no. You stay outside in the heat. It'll be hot. Heat in your half house. You enjoy your half house. I've only got half a house. I know you've got a half a house and it's hot.

I've only had a shower a little on the way. Yeah, exactly. We can't jump in the pool without a shower first. I know. I'm so dirty. I'm running a tight pH here. I think it's Friday. I think I've had two showers.

This week? Are you kidding me? Your hair does have a certain... No, I washed it last night. Oh, okay. Maybe that's why. That's just the hair. Yeah.

Are you still flanneling all your other body bits? I had one last night. Right. And then the day before I had a flannel, flanneled myself in the sink. Yeah. And then I had one on, I didn't shower on Wednesday. Tuesday. When you're flannelling yourself in the sink, do you finish or start on the?

Finish on the fanny. Finish on the fanny. Because that's what I was wondering. Face first, work your way down, then go do the feet and then come back up to the fanny. Wait, you don't go feet then fanny. I'm not going fanny then face. I go face, fanny, everything else. No way.

I would get a separate one for the fanny. Yeah, actually, that's the best though. I gave it a little ring out. You were calling him manky for not changing his pool water. I'm manky. You're manky because you put your feet in your... I think we need to work on order then. I think we need to buy you some flannels.

Yeah. Or maybe go round. And some pH balance. You know, I grew up, we were a flannel household. It was always face-close. Always a flannel. I don't own a single flannel. We own a couple and I always, like yesterday I used one

because we mowed the lawns and I was very dusty and I came in and I got a flannel to a good temperature and oh, afterwards, don't you feel a million bucks? How good's a flannel? Like a cool flannel on a hot day. Yeah. You feel a good temperature. Oh, afterwards, don't you feel a million bucks? How good's a flannel? Like a cool flannel on a hot day. Yeah. You feel a million bucks. And when you get on the airplane, they give you a hot towel.

You think that feels good? New Zealand doesn't do it. That's a Singapore Thai Airlines specialty, a hot towel on a plane. Next time you're out sweating in the garden and then you come in, flannel the face. Flannel the little fella as well. Okay. Give the little fella a... Again, I would say

Use a single flannel For the genitalia Well made of money Must be nice More than one flannel in the house Ever pop a lemon Refresher wipe down there Oh no

What about if you're like Camping or whatever Oh yeah not for the ladies Not for the ladies And you don't want to Risk that if you've had a paper cut Oh I'm not

I'm not putting paper Near my genitals That's a paperless area I don't know what reset if you've had a paper cut. What am I putting paper near my genitals? That's a paperless area. I don't know what you're doing. It's electronic transactions only. I don't know how much paper filing you're doing these days. I don't know. Never naked. Right.

Okay, good. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley from the bustling ZM think tank. This is the top six. Hello. A robot. A robot will pop up your bum and can repair damage to organs along the way. This has been amazing. This story has been developed at Sydney, the University of South Wales, Sydney. South Wales?

New South Wales. I must have missed out. New South Wales in this news article. Is there an old one? Yeah, it's in Wales. You know, it's the debate about where the hell is Plymouth. Like New Plymouth. Yeah.

Where's Palmerston South? Palmerston. It's in the South Island. It's just called Palmerston. Yeah, above Dunedin. Palmerston North. Plymouth is in England. Yeah.

So engineers have developed a flexible robot that enters the rectum to 3D print living cells on damaged organs, eliminating the need for patients to have surgery. The miniature robotic arm will directly deliver bio-ink made of gelatin, collagen, human cells, and other materials onto the surface of internal organs and tissues. Jesus. If you didn't want the vaccine, you're not going to line up for one of these. and other materials onto the surface of internal organs and tissues. Jesus. Now, if you didn't want the vaccine, you're not going to line up for one of these.

It's got a highly maneuverable swivel head. But, I mean, looking at it, there's not a lot of taper there, is there? There's a mushroom head. It's a bit of a mushroom head, this. Because you guys have both had colonoscopies. Yeah. Was that the same size as the hose they used for that? I never got a good look at those.

I always figured that was about little finger size. I was asleep. Yeah, I was propofol'd up. You need a couple of proppies for this. Come in, show me that propofol! Oh my God, you would.

Why is it, why is it widening at the tip? Well, that's the 3D printing head. That's where the printer is at. And the ink goes up the tube. Yeah. Jeepers. Ink stuff.

Breaking that halfway through the surgery, it's like, you're out of yellow. Yeah, and you've got to rush down to warehouse the tube. Yeah. Jeepers. Ink stuff. Breaking that halfway through the surgery and it's like, you're out of yellow. Yeah, and you've got to rush down to warehouse stationery. Yeah,

oh my God, cyan's ran out. Yeah, off you go. Well, it needs a name. I've got the top six names for the robot

that will print you from the inside. Number six on the list, Scara Craft Worm Raider. Like Lara Croft, Term Raider. I don'tft. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Term Raider. I don't think you needed to explain that, but yeah, we got it.

Scara. Yeah. Scars. Yep. Craft. Make. Yep. Worm Raider.

I hope they get better. They don't. Number five on the list of the top six names for the healing robot, OptiMuscle Prime. Yeah. That's good. That's good. I like that. Muscle Prime. Number four on the list of the top six names for the healing robot. Optimuscle Prime. Yeah. That's good. That's good. I like that. Muscle Prime.

Number four on the list of the top six names for the healing robot. Remember Wally? He cleaned up the earth after the humans made a mess of it. Well, you've heard of Wally.

What about Bowly? Bowly. Bowly. Bowly. Bowly. Crawls up there. Tries to clean up the absolute mess

you've made of your bowel. Number three on the list of the top six names for the healing robot, R2D2-mer. Gets rid of it, doesn't he? Gets rid of the tumour and then fixes the mess left behind from the removal of the tumour. Number two, another Star Wars robot, The top six names of the healing robots. C3P Organ Repair. Yeah, that's perfect. Is it?

Great name. Great name. And number one on the list is a very specific robot. Okay. The healing robot that goes up your butts to heal you from the inside and print you some new bits. Robocopancreas. It'll make you a new one. Robocopancreas. It'll make you a new one.

Serve and protect. Yep. You are coming with me, pancreas. Or, I don't know, what is the pancreas? How far up do they put this thing? How far up do they put this thing? That's the thing. When I read the headline, I assumed it was like nanobots.

Oh, no. This thing couldn't get all the way up. It's like a Gardena hose. And trust me, I've tried, and that'll probably only get up to your large intestine. You've really got to believe in yourself. Yeah. That was an at-home colon cleanse.

Yeah. Not recommended. Okay. Not recommended. You'll really watch that pressure. You'll inflate yourself like a water balloon. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. yourself like a water balloon. That is today's Top 6.

Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. Tell you what, it might be time to get popping and get some bloody seeds for the autumn garden. You reckon? Because fruit and veg is on the rise. And I know fruit and veg has already been on the rise, but some of our most productive areas of fruit and vegetable production have been

smashed by Gabrielle the cyclone. Oh, no, like my favourite fruit, grapes. When they're fermented. Grape juice. And drank as a juice. Yeah, fermented grape juice. Well, that's very true because there's like,

Esk Valley was a big winery. It was, yeah. One of my wife's favourite rosés. I know. Hails from Esk Valley and Hawke's Bay. So horrible to hear and very, very productive farmlands. Yeah. So Coomera, of course, up north.

Dargaville. Dargaville. They got hit, didn't they? Coomera smashed by Gabriel. And just not a very good season for Coomera, I don't believe. Potatoes are like a wetter ground than the Coomera, don't they? Well, you go to the supermarket and there's like big gaps everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we're you go to the supermarket and there's like big gaps everywhere. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, we're really struggling to produce cauliflower and broccoli. They said they're going up and it's just a situation of the cyclone and the supply and the demand and it's a whole lot of very unfortunate circumstances. So the people, Kiwis are being encouraged to be open-minded about vegetables, trying something new. Open-minded. I love this.

They're like, why don't you guys try something? Why don't you try a big, gross, furry-in-your-mouth broad bean? I love broad beans. The furry ones. No, no, no, no. The frozen ones in the frozen aisle. Right. Yeah.

Peas I'm a big fan of, but I don't know if we've got a great pea season either. I'm talking about peas. I think. Snow peas, peas in a pod, not methamphetamine. That's sort of a year round, isn't it? All this is going to do is just drive me towards fast food takeaways. It's all right. Which will also go up.

Yeah, well, they've got to buy vegetables to put in it. Yeah. You do your part, though. Are you a tomato, take no tomato on the burger? I don't do any. I always ask for no tomato. What a hero. Thank you.

Thank you. What a monster. What a freaking child. And sometimes no onion. No onion. I don't like the texture. Mummy, take a taste of my burger, please. Swip, whip, whip, whip, whip. Well, I'm an adult. I can do what I want. If I don't want tomato on my burger, you can taste of my burger, please. Swip, whip, whip, whip, whip.

Well, I'm an adult. I can do what I want. If I don't want tomato in my burger, you can't make me. You've got to have tomato. This is true. You are an adult. You've got to have a tomato in your boy. People who take pickles out are saying no pickles.

Oh, my God, more pickles. I used to be that person, but now I'm all about the pickles. You've come around. I'm all about them. So what else are they saying is being open-minded, like replace. Try some yams. Well, this is the thing. Oh, roast yams are good.

Dude, yams rule. What are you talking about? Yams aren't going to be cheap. No, yams are never cheap. Yams are always more expensive. I love yams. Instead of garlic, try a chive. You know?

Aren't they not interchangeable? What are you talking about? Yeah, I know, but nothing's interchangeable. But also, most of that garlic is imported from China anyway. Yeah, it is. The PRC. The PRC. It'll say, garlic from PRC, they're tricking you.

That's the People's Republic of China. Yeah. Do you think that it's time that the rice pays back the cauliflower? You know, because we've been using cauliflower in lieu of rice for a long time. Yeah. Now it's time that you can't get the cauliflowers. The rice should step in. Go back to rice.

Go back to rice. And the rice should say, I'll also now come in a floret. Yeah, roast me. Push me, mash me. If you could buy a cauliflower mould and you cook the rice and then just like... Mush it in. Mush it in. Yeah.

You could do that. Yeah, I guess I could. And then you got some cauliflower rice cauliflower not cauliflower rice we'll expect some gaps

yeah there's gonna be gaps it's gonna be more expensive eat seasonally that's the other thing we like in the middle of winter we're like god aren't tomatoes expensive

oh god yeah it's winter my dude have you seen the price of asparagus in the middle of winter yeah oh

it's disgusting you won't believe what I paid for a sweet corn this July. Play. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole.

It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly Little Pole. I just about nauseatingly write, first time, no spell check. Stick it. Nauseating. Nauseatingly.

Yeah, okay. Okay. I just wanted to show off. I just wanted to brag. Big smart boy. I just wanted to brag. Guy Montgomery. I was going to say,

somebody wants to be on the Guy Montgomery spelling bee. Season two. Have you been eliminated? Yeah. You, yeah. I got eliminated. Brimley Stent took me down. Clever woman.

Witch. So, a little poll today. In front of a crowd, would you rather sing or dance? Oh, neither. We should do another one of these. Spell or do maths. Spell. Yeah, same

spell. Depends on how the maths is. And how much time you've got. Yeah, especially if it's got those brackets and stuff. Yeah. Squiggly lines and stuff. Brackets don't scare me, just squiggly lines scare me. Letters scare me a little bit. This is maths. Brackets don't scare me. Not spelling. In front of a crowd, would you rather sing or dance?

76% of people would rather dance. Yeah, that makes sense. Singing is one of the most vulnerable things you can do. I voted sing because you can be real bad and you can have fun. But when you dance, there's just nothing. No, I think you can be a really bad dancer and have heaps of fun. I agree. Yeah. I mean, I think somebody secretly rates you singing a bit. No, I know I can be a really bad dancer and have heaps of fun. I think you can be, I agree. Yeah. I mean, I think somebody secretly rates you singing a bit.

No, I know I'm not a singer. I know I'm not a singer. You'll get there, though, with a little bit of, a couple of lessons with me. You'll be absolutely fine. No, I never. Some vocal technique. I never got any better because in SingStar I just worked out all you had to do was follow those bars. It didn't matter what you sounded like, you could win.

That's what you did at SingStar. Hit it. This love is making me. Oh my god, that's just like 9.5. Oh my god. Adam Levine?

Yeah, I'm right here. Sexy buddy, you got a sexy body. Put your sexy body on my face. Rose says, I voted dance, but if I'm in public doing either of these, I'm too drunk and please immediately send me home. Yeah. Thank you, Rose. We will do that.

Jen says, I would dance and just do the Macarena. Easy. Everyone can do it. Hey, Macarena. Easy. Everyone can do it. Hey, Macarena. Corbs says, I put sing, but I meant curl up in a ball and die of shame. Oh, yeah. Good on you, Corbs. Gemma, I think she just prefers to be called.

I can't do either, but I think singing would be less likely to get me injured. Also, am I allowed to be drunk in this scenario? Of course. I feel like that went without saying. Assuming singer's karaoke, who doesn't want a karaoke, says Michaela. I love karaoke. Tom, I mean, get enough liquid

courage and me and I'll do both at the same time. We've got a showman here. We've got a regular Dick Van Dyke. Steph, neither. Why are you giving me anxiety before bedtime? Please don't do these sorts of polls. Good call. I'm very sorry to have triggered that in you, Steph, just before bed.

And Jess says, I'm way better at singing than dancing. I can impersonate Adele. Big. Big call, big claim. Big claim. Big voice. Big claim. That's all for Silly Little Pong.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. There is a bartender who was serving a table and taking orders for drinks. And then one of them asked the bartender if they could have tequila cranberry. Tequila cranberry. I want to get booze, but I've also got a raging UTI. How would that taste? Vodka cranberry. Vodka cranberry, understandable.

Yeah. I mean, I'd never order it. If it was a nice tequila, would that taste nice? I love tequila. But if it's a nice tequila, you don't need to douse it in cranberry juice, do you? Yeah, and sugar water. And cranberry. Yeah, that would taste odd.

And then, so they said that they asked for a tequila cranberry with no ice. And then she was like, why no ice? And they said, because that just takes up space and I'd rather just have extra alcohol. No, but you're only getting extra cranberry. This is the dumb thing. And then the woman said, no, I'm sorry, I'm not going to do that. Like, just because you say no ice, it doesn't mean that you're going to get more alcohol. And the person was like, why?

Oh my God. I have literally done this with a jug of sangria. I was like, you put too much ice in it. Can I just not have ice? But then they brought me a carafe of sangria, but it was like two thirds fill. Yeah. I hate that. Cheeky shits.

Yeah. Then she was like saying to them, the only way you're going to get more alcohol is if you order a double. Yeah. Because then you get double the shot of the thing. Because you're only paying per shot. It's like when I used to work in a cafe

and people would say, oh, I need a bowl latte. I am exhausted. And I'd always be like, you're just getting more milk. Yeah, you're getting milk. It's the same two shots. You're getting milk, man. You're just going to have two tooty little tooty bum hole.

Yeah. You're like, order another shot of espresso. I need a huge coffee. I'm exhausted. You're just getting more milk. Yeah. Anyway, so she was like, no, I'm not going to do that, basically. I love, no, I'm not going to do that. A. I love, no, I'm not going to do that.

The customer is not always right. No, exactly. He just wanted no ice. I think she just gave him a really short drink. I Googled it. It's very popular to mix cranberry with tequila.

Yeah. Apparently you can do cranberry margis. You guys love a margi. Yeah. Cranberry margi. We do. I love a margi.

So you do frozen cranberries. I think we'll stick to mango. Mango's the number one so far. Open to it, though. We did a cherry, though, didn't we? Yeah, that was sort of wild. The raspberry one, so full of seeds. So many seeds.

Too seedy. I think we need to sieve that, Margie. Yeah. Anyway, she said, this was sort of shared online because someone was filming as they do. Everything's on camera these days. Heads up. But she was like, I get asked this all the time.

This theory of like, here's a hack if you ask for no ice. You drink more. And she's like, no, not true. No, you're just getting more, it's going to be more watered down. Yeah. But I want to know, take some calls and get some messages in of the annoying questions you constantly get asked at your job. Oh yeah, okay.

Like I have a friend who works quite high up in insurance policy and everyone will be with her being like, oh my God, someone scraped my car. Like what am I?

She's like, I don't know your individual policy and everything you have in place. Yep. I mean, we've talked about this before. One of our friends is a doctor. All the time,

I reckon the number one question he gets asked is, what's this rash? Well, you are literally responsible for that so many times. And I had a foot rash, and then I had a thigh rash. Yeah, but 11 o'clock at night at a bar is not the kind of the place to be

taking off your shoe and showing it. I've sort of figured him out anyway. I can't believe he makes so much money. Hydrocortisone is apparently always the answer, isn't it? Oh God, yes. Therapeute cream. Hydrocortisone, hydrocortisone. Genetic photos. Give me strength. God, I want my money back, Dr. Shawnee.

Well, whether it's in... You're not paying him. I'm paying him with the pleasure of my company. I feel you want your company back. And I want it back. All right, 0800-DARLS-ZM. Want to take your calls. What do you get sick of customers saying or asking at your job?

What's that constant question you're getting because of your career? If you work at the Lotto Chaos, the winning ticket, please. Shut up is what I say and I slap them a bit. I know, but people think they're funny and original, like that nobody's said that before. Theater actors, it would always be how do you remember so many lines? That's the number one thing. It's like not like how did you remember so many lines? That's the number one thing. It's like, not like how did you

drop so deeply into that character and create such a three-dimensional world for us and transport me in time and place. No, no,

how did you remember all of those words? How do you remember all those words? I've often wondered how you remember all those words. Yeah, I've always wondered

how you remember like whole paragraphs and pages. Is it a mnemonic thing? No, you just go over and over. You just sign them out out loud. You put yourself into the paragraphs and pages. Is it a mnemonic thing? No, you just... Is it a mega memory? You just go over and over.

Sign them out loud. Put yourself into the character. Imagine that's how the character would speak. It's so many more interesting things that I'm doing in that moment. That's actually all the questions I have. How did you come up with that physicality? My question, do people go to the theatre? Yeah, do they?

Yes. Do they still bother? Some people are still going. They're not on Netflix and stuff. Hopefully some people are going in May. More on that later in the year. All right, 0800 DARS at M is the number. Text us 9696.

What is that annoying question you are always being asked? We have asked you what is the annoying thing that you always get asked because of your job. There is a bartender who always gets asked to hold the ice because then people think they're getting more alcohol, but they're not. You've got to order a double shot. Getting more water down. Yeah, ask for another shot if you want more alcohol. Double vodka soda. Yeah.

You're just going to get more mixer. You're just going to get more juices, baby. And even then, what a waste. Right, a lot of calls. Dee, what do you always get asked about your job?

So I work in traffic management and I'll have a road closure set up and it's a giant road closure sign and people will still ask, can I go through there?

Because I'm just going to be quick. I'm going to be quick. I'll watch out for the diggers. I'll go round the people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't even worry about me. I'm a very good driver. I'll just get to be quick I'm going to be quick I'll watch out for the diggers I'll go round to people Yeah, yeah, yeah You don't have to worry about me I'm a very good driver

I'll just nip through there Yeah What do you say to them? What do you say? Do you ever snap back With a snarky remark? Honestly, I'm honestly So tempted to

Every single time And I'm just like No, just go round the other way You'll be fine Yeah You'll be fine You'll be fine Listen, you'll be fine

Yeah There's a giant hole In the road Unless your car Can get out of that Yeah Or it's open Yeah

Yeah Or you sound very professional Because I'd be a snarky Little bitch So would I I'm sorry Did you not learn How to read

Yeah You Fletch A snarky little bitch What Never I've never seen that In my life I'm detecting A little bit of snarkiness From you Just a little bit Of snarky little bitch? What? Never. I've never seen that in my life. I'm detecting a little bit of snarkiness from you.

Just a little bit of snarkism. Thank you, Dee. Brad, what do people always ask you in your job? Morning, guys. I used to work on the checkout set countdown. Oh, yeah? And without fail, every single day, if something didn't scan or it didn't have a price tag on it,

they'd always go, oh, so it must be free, right? Oh, for God's sake, yeah, shut up. Every single day, there was at least two. We're hearing that from a lot of places where something won't scan. So do you let them have it? Do you like, ha ha ha? Or are you just like, ugh?

Like the first maybe 20 times it was, oh yeah, good one. And then I just start doing a fake laugh. If I ever said a joke and someone said good one, I'd be like, oh yeah, good one. And then I just started doing a fake laugh. Yeah. Man, if I ever said a joke and someone said, good one, I'd be like, oh, I'm leaving this career. This is terrible.

Yeah, they just quit their day job. Yeah. Amazing. Brad, thank you. Let's go to Kate. What do people always ask you in your job, Kate? Hi, I'm a midwife, and so we constantly have couples asking how long do you think

this is going to take with labour and birth? Now labour famously can take anywhere from about 30 minutes to three days, right? Yes, yeah. Especially in early labour, so we just say it's as long as a piece

of string. What is the longest labour you've ever dealt with? This bloody government? I can remember as a student, I'd been awake for about 30 hours, but that wasn't active labour, but yeah. Whoa, 30 hours? Yeah. You could literally fly to Europe in that time.

I know where I brought this. I have an amazing holiday. hours. You could literally fly to Europe in that time. I know where I brought this. I'd have an amazing holiday. Thank you, Kate. Let's go to Hazel. Hazel, what do people always ask you in your job? Good morning. Yeah, I'm a theatre nurse at a hospital and I always

get asked, have we ever cut off the wrong leg? But you have. Have you though? You might not have, but somebody has. You haven't, but somebody has. I always get asked, have we ever cut off the wrong leg? Oh, dear. But you have. Have you, though? You might not have, but somebody has. No, we've never. You haven't, but somebody has. If they're having the right leg done, you always say,

oh, well, the right is the correct. And then they always say, well, the right is the right one, right? Or is the left the right? Oh, God. And then you're like, well, sorry. Come on, guys. What are you coming in for? Isn't there a code?

We talked to a surgeon once and there's a code for right and left. Oh, not that I'm aware of. Lisa, you're in the business of cut off a leg. I know there's color coding for if you're putting in a rod. Isn't it right rose, left lavender or something like that? If you were putting in a... Oh, I do not know these things. Oh, gosh, I need to know.

That worries me dearly. Well, don't take advice from Hayley. She's not in the industry. I am in the theatre industry, actually. That's something we have in common. It's a different theatre industry. Did you go to Toy Fakari? No, I don't think so.

Do you write on the leg in Vivid? Yes. Yeah, see, there you go. They've got it sorted. So there's a big arrow and a signature of the surgeon of whatever leg we're taking on. Oh, my God, they signed their work. Oh, wow.

Yes. Like an autograph. Wow. It's a Picasso. Oh, gorgeous. Okay, interesting. What if you had leg sleeves? Like you had full leg tattoos

and you couldn't quite see the vivid? Twink pen. Oh, I haven't come across that one either. Yeah. If I ever need surgery, can you make sure Hazel's not my... I don't think she knows anything about medicine or theatre, to be

honest. Hazel's one of those people we're going to read about in the paper in a couple of years that this woman was faking a position for all this. Yeah, she never went. No. Maybe I'll just turn around and not go to work today. No, you're doing great work. Doing great work. Thanks for your work in the health sector.

Yeah, thank you, Hazel. Do you have to pay for parking when you go to the hospital? No, I'm in private, actually. Oh, must be nice. She's like, like Yeah it is It's way nicer So much nicer So much nicer

So much nicer guys Hey thank you Hazel Have a great weekend Some messages in People would turn up At a coffee shop There would be a line And they'd sidle up

To the machine And ask if you could Make theirs first Because they were running A little bit late All the time I would put them To the back

If someone asked me To do that To throw off their milk As an animal control officer People always want me To get their neighbours Cats to stop roaming I ask what law I would put them to the back if someone asked me to do that. It would take a long time to throw off their milk. As an animal control officer, people always want me to get their neighbour's cats to stop roaming. I ask what law the cats are breaking. There's none.

And they'll look at me blankly and just expect me to make up a law to keep them happy. Did you know animal control officers have no control over cats? I had no idea. What do you mean the cat roaming? Well, the cat walking around. Well, the cats, you know, they like, if you've got a veggie garden, they come over and they do the poos

in your vegetable garden. Yeah, lucky tomatoes. Tomatoes don't like cat feces. Yeah, they're good. People get toxic, toxic, toxic, toxic plasm. Nah. I work in recruitment. Oh, sorry, what was it?

Toxic, toxic, toxic plasm. Yeah, that's a thing. I thought I made it up, but I said it the same way the second time. That's why all the hummus has been recalled. Yeah, because of toxic, toxic See, you thought I made it up, but I said it the same way the second time. That's why all the hummus has been recalled. Yeah, because of toxicoclococococlasm. Yeah. I work in recruitment and candidates will say,

I'll take that job and I can start tomorrow. And I'm like, well, that's not how it works. You have to apply for it. Yeah. Then you get hit with, oh, back in my day, you could just walk onto a job site and get a job straight away. Well, good luck to you. Go try it. I'm a job site and get a job straight away. Well, good luck to you. Go try it.

I'm a speech therapist, and people say, oh, don't listen to me talking. I'm terrible. And I say, yeah, but that's why you're here. Don't worry about it. Most of these, you know, you can see them coming. I'm a locksmith, and people are like, can you cut my keys? It's like it's the very essence of my job. I work in a horse shop, and I always get asked, do you have a horse?

Well, do they? Because if you didn't have a horse, I wouldn't trust someone if they didn't have a horse and they worked in a horse shop. It's like you never trust a skinny chef. Yes. Because they're not eating their food. Or a barista with no tattoos. Yeah, exactly. I'm at a professional

audio tech. I'm a professional audio tech. I always work at festivals and stuff and people will always come up and ask if I've got a phone charger tech. I'm a professional audio tech. I always work at festivals and stuff, and people will always come up and ask if I've got a phone charger they can borrow. Oh, get out. Now, when they say audio tech, do they mean DJ? Oh, my God. What did you just do? I just gave them feedback.

I just gave them feedback. Oh, that was for them. Because they would hate that. They would hate that. They would hate that. That's really ruining your day. Two, two, two. Can I get a level?

Two, two, two. One. Two, two, two, two. And you know when you? 2, 2, 2, 1. 2, 2, 2, 2. And you know when you see an artist on stage and they're like pointing up or pointing down angrily? They're pointing at him. They're pointing at him because he didn't have it loud enough. Yeah, you bastard. And then the drum.

Boof, boof, boof. When I used to clean bathrooms, I'd always get, can I use that? When I'm in the middle of cleaning the public toilets. Oh, no, yeah. I'm cleaning it. Bloody minute.

I'm cleaning it. Here's one. Okay. This was the one I was kind of leading to. The one that you knew, I didn't see coming. I train horses for a living. Now,

what do you think the question is that they get asked? How big are the poos? Good question, but that's not the question. That's not that. Big. How high can it jump? Do you wet them?

Kill it. Got any glue? No. Do you ever get turned on riding in the saddle? Oh, for God's sake. What? Firstly, who's asking that question? If it's a creepy old dude. Creepy old dudes are asking that question. If it's an old...

Yeah, she is turning her horses. You ever get turned on running up there, love? Does it get a bit jiggly up there? Yeah, boingy, boingy, boingy. Boingy, boingy, boingy. Jesus Christ. Well, have some respect. Incredible messages.

Thank you for sharing. Yeah, thank you very much. But they didn't say if they get turned on or not, so now. Oh, you've still got that question, do you? I didn't have it before. They've put it in here. Oh, you've still got that question, do you? I didn't have it before. They've put it in here. Oh, no. If you've ever ridden a horse, good lord, it hurts.

Yeah. Bruising. Yeah. Like getting punched. Oh, yeah, no. And they're getting punched in the groin again and again and again and again. Again and again. Play.

ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. It's the final rankings. Well, we do this every Friday. We rank things. What did we do last week? Gone are my memories. I don't know. Same.

It's gone. I just, I don't know, man. It's in the past. It doesn't matter. Look forward, not back. It wasn't cakes, was it? No, no, no. That was the week before. Jams. It was jams. No, jams. It doesn't matter. Look forward, not back. It wasn't cakes, was it? No, no, no. That was the week before.

Jams. It was jams. No, jams. It was ages ago. No, jams was a few weeks ago with the jams. Was it? Jeebus, you're in a... Hey.

We don't know. Okay. Types of chews. Oh, sports bodies. That was... Oh, what a good one. How did we forget that was so sexy? Oh, my God. That was a good one. How did we forget that was so sexy? Oh, my God, that was the sexiest.

It was a sexy one. Yeah, because then I cycled past the beach volleyball, and I was like, we should have had that in the top three. 100%. Beach volleyball did get mentioned. Yeah, I know it got mentioned, but yeah. Great definition because they're doing moving in sand, and you know the resistance to sand.

Basketball for me, NBA, NBA. Okay, well, let's stop living in the past. Dance. Basketball for me. NBA, NBA, NBA. Okay, well let's stop living in the past. Darts. It was last week. The big boys throwing the darts. The big boys are like the darts. Daddy's on the darts.

Tots of cheese. Cheese. So we're talking not like your blocks of Colby and Edom and... Ah, your charcuteries. The cheese that would

hit the cheese boards. So, I mean, Camembert, Brie. Brie. Brie. Blue vein. Feta? No.

Who's putting feta on a cheese board? No, feta's not a cheese board. No, feta's an ingredient. Yeah, feta's for adding to pizza or salads. Salads. Or other things. It's not for a cheese board. You know what?

On behalf of the New Zealand Feta Association, you can both get stuff. There is not a New Zealand. There is a New Zealand Feta Association, you can both get stuffed. There is not a New Zealand... There is a New Zealand Feta Association. I am the chairman. We're not allowed to call it Feta, are we? Oh, no, that's Halumi. That's Halumi.

The Greeks... What about your Gouda? Well, actually, New Zealand made Feta. We'll have to find a new name because they did that thing where they're like, the Greeks were like, it's ours. So we call ours Futa. Yeah.

Futa, no. Feta but with a PH. Yes. Now, I love a Havarti, like a soft, mild cheese. Yes, that's a good cheese. Port Salute, you know that real expensive cheese, the Port Salute? No. I don't know, I haven't had that. It's like a soft

French cheese. What about a hard cheddar? What about a nice smoky aged cheddar? Look, I'll be honest. I'm a little bit out of my depth because I'm a bit basic. I love my Camembert

or Brie but other than that I don't really know. I know blue and a salad. With a bit of pan and a bit of oil. Might have to have

a cheese this afternoon. Might have to have a cheese board. I have had a cheese board I'm doing a cheese board this afternoon with pals well I'll just come oh nah

other friends are we not if you say if you shut your mouth if you say to me are we not invited I'm done inviting you to

I can't believe we're not invited I've invited you weekend after weekend after weekend to my house I'm free today I don't give a shh I'm free this weekend

and you haven't invited me. I'm not invited anymore. You're free this afternoon. Yeah. Do you want to come for a swim? Well, I'm going to come for a swim then. What's happening? You just said you don't clean your pool.

The pool is on a filter system. It is a wonderful filter system. It adds, it's got mineral magnesium in it. I am a top line pool guy. Oh, you're fair off. And it turns the chlorine as it needs it. There might be a cheese pool.

Yeah, I think there's going to be cheese. I'm in the mood for cheese after hearing about all this cheese. Okay, I can be tempted. Danish blue. It would be quite nice to hang out at, actually. Yeah. Just without the stress of work. You two suck at it.

You're not invited to my house anymore and that's final. I don't want to have to fill out the paperwork at the bloody gate because I'm entering a construction zone. Put your hard hat on and you're working. You are entering a construction zone. Please visit the office. I'm going to pick us off. I'm going to go number one for me would be

a Havarti. I love a soft cheese. Then I would go the other direction. I would go a smoked aged cheddar and then I would go a blue. Blue's number one or number three? Three. One, two, three I went.

For me, brie and camembert, you're never like, oh my God. Do you know when you're like, oh my God, have you ever had in a ceramic pot and you put a whole well of cheese in the oven and you add stuff to it and you bake it? Put a little bit of honey on top. Honey and walnuts. Okay, my top three cheese board cheeses, camembert, brie and tasty slices. I'm so embarrassed for you.

Camembert, then brie. And then tasty slices. And I won't hear a bad word against tasty slices in individual packets. There's a bunchy people that loves the cream cheese with like the apricot in it. You know those like soft, like sweet chili. Oh my god, those are so yum! Oh no! Those are George's nodding her head!

Yeah, that's good. You know you've got your basic bitches on board when George is nodding her head. It's a little sweet smear. As long as there's no pepper on there, as long as there's no spice on there. Okay, maybe I'll change and go cam andt, chilli filly, tasty individual cheese slices. Wait, is chilli... Chilli filly.

Yeah, cottage cheese. Cream cheese. No, cream cheese. Cream cheese. Cottage cheese. Cottage cheese. What are you, a mum in the 80s on a diet? Yes, I am.

It's kind of a yogurty cheese. Where you at, my boy? Where you at? Okay, I'm going blue cheese, number one. It's so good. I love blue cheese. And if you don my boy? Where you at? I'm going blue cheese, number one. It's so good. I love blue cheese. And if you don't, you are a dum-dum.

I just had a message asking if you're talking about Dr. Shawnee again. Yeah, I am. Tell him I want my time back. Can we talk about cheese now, please? All he does.

We don't want to talk about Dr. Shawnee anymore. Hard to court his own. Hard to court his own. Hard to court his own. Then I'm going to go camembert. Over a brie?

Or a double cream? Yeah, I'm a camembert over a brie. I'm a double cream camembert. That'sie. I'm a double cream camembert. This isn't double cream camembert. Are we allowed cheese in the pool? Like, do you have a floaty table? Beside the pool.

I'm coming to yours then. I just don't want crackers in my filtration system. I take it very seriously. Must be nice. I don't need to come over to your pool. I've got my own house. Half house. Three I'm struggling with. Because now I want to put one to your pool. I've got my own house. Half house. Three I'm struggling with.

Because now I want to put one of those things in it. It's like cheese with like apricot bits and some nuts in there. What about a kumanguda? A what? A kumanguda. A kumanguda, yeah, not bad. What about a gorgonzola? Yeah, gorgonzola's not included.

But it's a fun word to say. So no, my third place is whatever you call that cheese with the bits in it. The apricot and sometimes nuts. Yeah, and you get a cracker and you just use it like a spade. I'll take some of that. That stuff rules. To be fair, that stuff rules. Yeah, that is really hard.

So if we have to... Blue cheese. Oh. Overall... No, you probably say like a brie camembert, like a wheel, your classic wheel. Because that would be my number four. I'm not too far away. Right. And then chilli filly number four. I'm not too far away. Right.

And then chilli filly? No. Chilli filly. Number three, tasty cheese slices. Sometimes I'm so embarrassed to be your friend. I can't help it if I went to a public school. No, you're right. Dude, I didn't even know cheese came in a wheel until like last year.

15 years ago. A little growing up. Did your mothers not make you a platter after school? No! Are you kidding me? We were specifically banned from eating the cheese. Slicing the cheese off the top of the big block. Mum would put a little mark.

Would she? Because we'd just get in the middle and be like, slice, slice, slice. Oh my God. With the thing, with the string. Yeah, with the wire. Yeah. I feel my God. Slice, slice, slice. With the string. Yeah, with the wire. Yeah. I feel like cheese selection at the supermarket

has only been a thing in the last, like, 10 years. 10 years, like, where you go to the supermarket and they've got a good selection of fancy cheeses. And an amazing selection of cheeses. Because you would only ever have maybe a brie and a feta, and that would sort of be it. Yeah. And then your blocks.

Actually, just thinking about price-wise, it's cheaper to eat a wheel of cheese than it is to eat a vegetable now. And that's the sort of economy of scale I'm here for. Yeah, same. I'm in. Are you getting any kind of value from that nutrient-wise? Gimme, gimme cheese. Gimme cheese.

Gimme, gimme cheese. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Had a child with a sick day yesterday. God, Fletcher's just cut a finger off a little foam hand in studio. It looks like a sausage on the end. It looks like a Cheerio. That was the most bratty thing of just seeing something and being like,

should I chop this finger off? And we were like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we all encouraged it. Well, here we are. So yesterday I had a daughter who had a sick day. I went to the doctor. Hadn't been feeling well for a couple of days, but it's fine. Apparently nothing. Making it up?

Yeah. And then she messaged me. Just a little break. Just a mental health day. And then she messaged me from her wife's phone, and it came up when we were having a meeting. And it just said, are you going to the gym? I said, I'm not sure.

I've got a work meeting. And she said, Slay Queen. And then eyes and a nail polish. And I said, how was the doctor, nice? And she said, she was super Slay doctor, no cap. I said, was the doctor's office popping off or was it bussing? And she said, it was bussing. This is just how they talk.

I don't know what any of this means. What is no cap? Bussing's good. No caps, like I'm not lying. Like if you're cap, if someone's telling a lie, you go cap. Ain't that the truth? Yeah. Ain't that the truth?

I get grammar. Ain't that the truth? Ain't that the truth? Ain't that the truth? And what's bussin'? Bussin's like good. Okay. Is this what our parents were like when...

My mum, I remember my mum yesterday. Well, she didn't ask yesterday, but I remembered yesterday when she asked me to stop saying gnarly. Gnarly. It's gnarly. She's like, I think you need to stop saying that. You're saying it too much. But there's all the sleigh and there's the bus

and there's the cap and everything. But then all day at home, August tends to get... Well, she gets irritated and then she just says things Restless I came in from mowing the lawns and Sade's like well August

I'll tell you what's happened when you've been out there August is in trouble she's had a very poor attitude and as a result she'll be going to bed early tonight I said that's fine let's stick to that

and then when it came to bedtime there was obviously at early bedtime there was a disagreement How early's early? Oh it was like 7.30. Oh, okay. Like I was assuming she was a 6.30 situation,

but it was a 7.30. Right. Because mum's a bit soft. And anyway, let's have a chat for another time. And I was trying to explain to her, and she was getting upset, and I was trying to explain to her that when we act, there are repercussions for our actions.

Our actions have consequences. Wow. I said, now this is probably getting some people turned on hearing me put on these authoritarian shoes and, you know. He's not being inciting. He's literally being a dad. Yeah, I'm being a dad. And please don't sexualize my father because you wish that I would come around and tell

Tell me to go to bed. Tell you, you dirty little. Tell me to go to bed early. Why, you dirty little. Tell me to go to bed early? Why? What are you going to do to me? What's happening in bed? Well, there are consequences. Yeah, I bet there is.

Tell me. Oh, my God, I'm so bad. Can people just message you at bedtime on Instagram? People can message me at bedtime if they need to be told to go to bed. Daddy, I'm in bed. I'm waiting. What's happening? Why are you?

The light's going out. That's why. Go to sleep. Turn the lights out. I'm a freak. The light's going out. That's what. Go to sleep. Turn the lights out. I'm a freak. The door's getting shut. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's going to get stuffy in here.

Can't breathe. Oh, my God. You see, this is what I worry I'm opening myself up to. Yeah, yeah. You're being a dad. You're being a father. Anyway, I was being a father and I was saying there are consequences to your actions and your actions this afternoon weren't good and they made mum sad

and now you've got to think next time you're about to, you know, get upset. Don't look at me like that, Hayley. I'm a bad girl. I get it. I need to be punished. Next time you're going to get upset and kind of ruin the afternoon.

Yeah. Then you've got to go to bed early. So maybe it will stop you from, you know, you'll think, oh, last time I did this, something I didn't want to happen happened. Yeah. A learning moment. A learning moment.

And I was trying to explain that to her. And she said, she raised her voice and said to me, just because your parents didn't teach you consequences, which is weird because they were very much about it. Did she know about hiding? And I said, do you know what my father would have said if I did raise my voice to him like that? She was like, what?

I said, nothing. He just would have whacked me. There wouldn't have been any words. There would have been a swift whack, a door shut, and I would have known I was in there for the night and nothing would have happened. And then she yelled at me, it's not my fault you were born in the 1980s. Oh.

Wow. And how old is she? And that was hard not to laugh at because it was quite like. What the hell? It's not my fault you were born in the 1980s. So the door got shut. Yeah. And then there was more furore.

It was a whole situation. And then the door got opened a little bit because I remember when you were a kid and you were scared of the dark and the door got shut

and you were just like, well, the monster's here now. So I hope you're happy. We'll never see the light of day again. But I've just messaged apparently we've woken up this morning

with a much better attitude. Oh, that's good. That's good. And we must learn that our actions have consequences. Yeah, they do. How does he get a little spank?

Get in trouble. Go to bed and get a spank. Don't worry. You've got some Miley Cyrus to look forward to soon. She'll clean the palette. Cleans the palette. She will. She's the real coffee bean of the music industry at the moment.

She's the real coffee bean of the music industry. No, but everyone likes her at the moment. Yeah, right. Okay, well, minutes away from resetting your music palette. But right now, it's time for the impossible phone-in topic. A topic that we think is so impossible we won't get calls. Now today I do not believe that this is impossible. In fact, I think it would be very common.

Common as muck. Yep. However, I think the impossible edge of this is who is willing to admit to it. Okay. Now you may have seen there's so much drama at the moment, none of which I'm aware of, of Selena Gomez, right? Oh yeah. What's Selena Gomez's drama? I don't of, of Selena Gomez, right? Oh, yeah. What's Selena Gomez's drama?

I don't know. Get a grip, right? Yeah. There's wars happening. Selena Gomez has eyebrow drama. Yeah, there's eyebrow drama or something like that. I don't know. I didn't know that.

But because of this drama at the moment, it's aired some other dirty laundry that has just popped off online. People are going back to the debate of whether or not Justin Bieber met or got together with Hailey Bieber with any crossover in the relationship with him and Selena Gomez. Right.

Whether he was still with Selena when he sort of realised he was... By the way, he just turned 29 yesterday. Who did? Justin Bieber. No, he didn't. No, but he was a baby when I wasn't a baby. But he didn't No but he was a baby when I wasn't a baby Was that yesterday?

But he's a child He's a baby man But he still has a baby man He's 14 He's 14 He wears a purple hat and he goes Baby

No it's his birthday Yeah so yesterday US It was his birthday For us Many happy returns I refuse to believe He's 29 now

He's 29 years old I refuse I refuse So when How big He's 29 now. He's 29 years old. I refuse. So when, how big is the crossover? He actually met Hayley in 2009 when they were young. So there was some crossover. She was like, she was a Bieber-holic. What did they call themselves? Belieber.

A Bieberite. A Bieber-paluma. A Bieber-paluma. Yeah, drives me crazy. Yeah, so they had met years and years before when they were kids. And then Justin posted a photo of himself kissing her in 2016. I think that was the first kind of little post there. Right.

And then someone was like, hang on, in 2016, he was still dating, by 2017, he was dating Selena Gomez as well. But he was still in contact with her, leading people to ask the question. Crossover. How long was the crossover? I know those people that go from one relationship to the next and there isn't a day off at all. Yeah, enjoy a bit of you time, you know. Not a day off, but there's days on both sides of things.

This is what we want to know. Have you been in a relationship crossover? Is the relationship you're in now maybe the result of a little play at the top where you were leaving the last one, but now you're with the car one and it was a little hazy period when they were both around? And you were still technically together. You were with the ex. Yeah.

But you started the new relationship. Yeah. But you're right. Who's going to admit to this? That's why it's the impossible phone number. You were like the International Space Station and the Russian cosmonauts are docked. Yeah. But you're right. Who's going to admit to this? That's why it's the impossible phone. You were like the International Space Station and the Russian cosmonauts are docked. Yeah.

But the NASA ones hadn't left. Is that the same thing? Is that a good analogy? It's an analogy. The goodness of it, I won't comment. Because then he said they were together in 2016 with Selena, but then they met there and they kissed, and he kissed Hayley, and then they were back with Selena in 2018.

It was finally all over. Sounds like crossover. To me, this sniffs a crossover. Yeah. Have you ever had a crossover? No. I haven't really had many boyfriends, to be fair. But if you kick things off with Jason Momoa.

That's crossover. That's crossover. That's crossover. That would just be a blip though, wouldn't it? Because... We don't know. The connection might be so powerful. It would be undeniable. We could not deny the fact that we were meant to be together. And Adam would have to... A process.

Then you would begin the process of dissolving that relationship. And you know the process of dissolving dissolving that relationship yeah and you know the admin involved so admin heavy so will anyone admit to this

we want to take some calls now 0800 DARS at M was there crossover in your relationship a moment in time where you were finishing one

and starting the other but there was a little bit of crossover maybe you were the one that was left for the crossover you were the tail end of the crossover, not the head end. We're more likely to hear from those people

because the new boyfriend or girlfriend have left them, but they were still seeing them at the same time. Also, you can call anonymously and you'll be met with absolutely no judgment. Life is life. These things happen. Was there crossover? Give us a call. We want to know, this is our impossible phoner today,

if you were in a relationship crossover, so the relationship that ended and then one started, a little bit of a layover, a little bit of a weave in the middle. A Venn diagram. Is it a Venn diagram? Yeah, it is a Venn diagram. So you go Peter. Time dating Steve, time dating Peter, and in the middle it's like the months January to April 2019. Or if you were like, what colour were the long blocks in primary school?

The tens. What colour were the tens? Blue. Orange? Blue? Yeah. If they were those, they'd be overlapped by a couple of ones or twos. A couple of ones.

Exactly. Gotcha. Now, this has come about because people are questioning with the eyebrow drama that's happening at the moment. I don't care. When there's some drama with Kylie and she lost like a million followers. Kylie and Selena and Hailey. Yeah.

And then everyone's like, hey, can we talk about this drama? Well, there's still a war in Ukraine. I'll just say that. The origins of the story don't matter. We just needed something to talk about just after eight o'clock on a Friday on the radio show that had some sort of primary interest

to our target demographic. You don't give away all the secrets. Oh. Please. I wanted to let them have a peep behind the curtain. Welcome to Oz. So that's what we wanted to know.

If you've been in a sort of a crossover situation before. Steve, will you admit to this? Yes, I actually will. So I'd been in a relationship for over a year and things had gotten sour towards the end and they wanted to move because they thought being close to their family would be better. We moved.

They moved first and I said to myself, if I move up there and things aren't different, would be better. We moved. They moved first, and I said to myself, if I move up there and things aren't different, it's over. I moved up there a month later, and the first day I walked in the door wasn't good. So I went out that night to get drunk and met a new person and started dating them and then broke up with the other guy when I got home the next morning. So this is – what's the crossover there?

A couple of hours? Yeah, four hours. Wait, so the next day, so then you had this hookup, good for you, go get yours. Almost forgivable, a four hour crossover.

But the next day, did you tell the original partner? Yeah, yeah. I went home the next morning and was like, nah, this is done, get out pretty much. How long were you with the new partner?

We ended up staying together for four years. Oh. And then when that ended, was there another crossover? Sorry? And then when that ended, was there another crossover

to the next one? No, I learnt my lesson. Good boy. Mucky, can't I? Good boy, can't be Mucky. Thanks, Steve. Anonymous, have you had a crossover?

Yes. So, good morning Good morning I am the crossover Have you called the show before, Anonymous? I have Oh, we're about to ding We're about to ding

I just felt like you were a newcomer I felt like a first time caller Okay No, no, no No, unfortunately I have But I'm the crossover So I actually knew my partner a year before. Nothing came of it.

And then my boyfriend at the time broke up with me, and then we crossed over, and I moved away. And we eventually got back together because he was with someone as well. And we have two kids, been together now 11 years with the crossover. Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah. Okay. The crossover. Oh, wow. Wow. Okay. The crossover actually eventuated into a child.

Oh. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Whose baby was it? No, it's his. Oh, yeah. And then I moved away and then found out I was pregnant and had to come back. Oh, jeepers. Drat.

Yeah, but 11 years later, two kids, a house and a business were good. See, crossover. Very big crossover. Happy ending crossover. Yeah, they can work. Someone just messaged in. Now, you say crossover, but I feel like it's just cheating. No, it's not cheating.

It's not cheating. It's a crossover. It's cheating. It's just a rebrand. It's a rebrand. It's a rebrand. It was a one-night crossover. It's a way, it's just a rebrand. It's a rebrand. It's a rebrand. It was a one-night crossover. Right.

Is it, would you have said the writing was on the wall when that happened? Then that's why you did it? No, no, it was just more of I was leaving. Oh, right. Okay. I like your attitude. I know, and I like your attitude a lot. Is this Caller of the Week?

I think this is going to get, I'm going to give you a Caller of the Week. Are we Caller of the Week? You're Caller of the Week. You won a $50 McCampagne voucher. Yeah like your attitude. You know what? I like your attitude a lot. Is this Caller of the Week? I think this is going to go. I'm going to give you a Caller of the Week. You're Caller of the Week. You won a $50 McCampagne voucher. Yeah, well done. This is some juicy gossip. That's juicy. Yeah, I didn't want to give you Caller of the Week when it was cheating. I didn't want that.

No, it was a rebrand. It's a rebrand. It's a crossover. Yeah. It's sort of a marketing situation. It's a marketing. Yeah. You know, I admire that.

So, yeah, thanks to our mates at McCampagne. Cheaters do not prosper. No, they don't. Rebranders and crossoverers. Exactly. McCafe vouchers. Thank you, Anonymous. Wait there.

We've got some messages in. I got a message in 2010 saying my boyfriend of six months had asked him on a date. I asked him about it. He told me no way, and then I never heard from him again. So I guess that crossover must have happened. Yeah. Never found out who the stranger was. I don't understand why people just don't end it.

Like, they're obviously wanting out and want someone else. Yeah. Me and my now husband had a crossover with his ex-wife. They'd already started the separation process. Of course they had. Wink, of course they had. I reached out to make sure he was okay. Oh, yeah.

Snake? Where did you reach? Yes. Snake in the grass. I reached down his pants. I reached down to make sure he was okay. Oh, yeah. Snake? Where did you reach? Yes, snake in the grass. I reached down his pants. I reached down his pants just to reach out to make sure he was all right. I reached out to make sure he was okay, and we didn't stop talking eight years later to two kids. Oh.

We got so much shit, fair enough, from that ex that we moved towns and started a new life somewhere else. Oh, wow. There was a little bit of a crossover when I was just sleeping around with some guys. I was with a couple of other guys. How many people are we talking about now? Don't judge people's crossovers.

I'm not. But this isn't one crossover. This isn't two circles. This seems like one of those fun Venn diagrams where there's four things and there's one little segment in the middle where they all link. I love those ones.

There was a crossover in about a month. I had emotionally crossed over. How emotionally? I don't know, man. I've got crossover right now. I'm still kind of with my ex-wife and with my new boyfriend. I love this.

Love this. That's juicy. No, that's a bit Juicy That's juicy No not so bit Juicy That's juicy I wonder if the wife Text more Text more

Call us No no no Tell us more details You can put on a silly voice I want to know If the wife Knows about the new boyfriend Also we're all assuming

That this is a man Aren't we Yeah we are assuming But it could be a woman Who is married to a woman Who's dabbling with the men. Either extremely juicy. Plot twist.

A juicy little crossover. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's fact of the day. Are we rhubarb fans? No. We're rhubarb fans. Does your mum do a rhubarb? Does my mum do a rhubarb?

Yeah. Does my mum? No, I've had some of it. You've had rhubarb? Stewed rhubarb. Yeah, when I stayed in. Was it apple and rhubarb or just stewed rhubarb? I think it was maybe apple.

Maybe it was a mixture of both, but it was delicious. She makes up this stewed apple and stewed rhubarb, and Dad has it on his cereal every morning. And it's kind of a ready-to-go pudding pie. That's amazing. They've got jars of it. Have they still got the slow kettle? Very slow kettle.

Very slow kettle. Very slow kettle. How long are we talking? A little long. I think it's from the 70s and it takes like eight hours. No, they had it when we were growing up we had one of those

grunty looking kettle. Everybody had one of three kettles in the 1990s. Yeah. It was all that was available. The brown and orange one? Yeah.

With a whistle? Yeah. And there was a steel one that was real steel but it got and I also don't know if this was just a rural thing, but we got heavy calcification on our kettles in the 90s. Yeah, for sure.

Heavy water stainage. White, eh? Dusty white. Yeah. And if it was dry, you'd look at it and you'd be like, ugh. Yuck. Yeah, but there was three kettles. We had the big grunty metal one, and that used to boil fast,

and then, well, you know what parents are like when they do replace something, they're like, well, that's just what we're stuck with now yeah God forbid I should take that to an op shop and spend $30 on one that's a bit quicker yeah no this is our this is the hand we've been dealt and that's what we'll live with but my mum loves a

rhubarb yeah can't eat the leaves the leaves are poisonous of course don't eat don't prepare yourself a rhubarb salad but today's fact that is about Don't prepare yourself a rhubarb salad. But today's fact of the day is about rhubarb and growing rhubarb. There is a technique to grow rhubarb called Yorkshire forced rhubarb. And it's where you have rhubarb, which I've said now a lot. It sounds weird when you say it a lot. And it's lost its meaning.

But it's also the thing you say when you're a background actor and you're supposed to be having a conversation, right? Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb, to be having a conversation, right? Rhubarb. Rhubarb something. Remember when we were on Shortland Street in the background at that function, we said rhubarb marmalade. That's it, isn't it? Rhubarb marmalade. Isn't it rhubarb marmalade? And it makes your mouth do a whole lot

of different sorts of things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we weren't even saying it. We were just mouthing it. Yeah. Very good background actors. I bet. Apart from the time you kept barrelling the camera. I kept looking at it. We were just mouthing it. Yeah. We're very good background actors. I bet. Apart from the time you kept barrelling the camera. Oh, I kept looking at it. It was there. It was weird.

The camera would turn and Fletcher would be like... And then little wink. Yeah. Yeah. Naughty. Hi, Mum. I'm on Shortland Street. Okay.

And Kat, sorry. Who's that extra in the back there? I think he's the winner, which... Right. We're going to need... He's not that long. Look at him. Can we just hide him behind that other tall guy? You can't cut me out. He's not that long. Can we just hide him behind that other tall guy?

You can't cut me out. I don't have long. So rhubarb marmalade, that's not today's fact of the day, although that's a neat little thing if you've ever heard that before. But there is a Yorkshire forced rhubarb where in complete darkness you put your rhubarb and all you have in the middle of the room is a candle. And the light that the candle puts off is enough for the rhubarb to grow.

Rhubarb grows real quick. I think you can hear it. It's one of the vegetables you can hear growing. What? It squeaks and stuff. No, because remember they did that study

and they found out they could hear lettuces screaming when you eat them. That's right. When vegans eat them. Pull them out of the ground, they scream. They release a lettuce scream

to let the other lettuces know that a predator's in the area. Stop it, you bitch. Ow. So rhubarb can grow by candlelight. It grows a lot slower, but it is a sweeter rhubarb. This is good when the last of us fungus kills us and we're all living underground in complete darkness with candles. We don't want to live underground.

That's where the fungus thrives. Oh. We want to live in the bright sunlight. We're going to go. It kills the fungus. Yeah, but then the people, the zombies eat us. No, but they'll wake her up there. Surely a fungi-based zombie is going to be stronger in a damp, dark spot.

The sort of place a mushroom grows quite well. Versus the blaring sunlight of the desert. Far too dry for a fungus. I think I'm just going to find a boat and roll it over to Waiheke and just live in a vineyard. Same. Because I don't think they'll get over.

The zombies won't get to Waiheke. No, they don't like one. No, they'll catch the fairy. Are you kidding me? They'll catch the fairy. No, we'll catch the last fairy to Waiheke, darling, and then we won't return it back to the mainland. We'll just set up in Waiheke, darling.

It'll be lovely. We'll sink it. We'll sink the ship. We won't sink it. What if we need an equipment run? Why would we want to. It'll be lovely. We'll sink it. We'll sink the ship. Why not sink it? What if we need an equipment run? Why would we want to go back to the mainland? We've got wine. That's where the equipment is.

We don't need to go back. We don't need to go back. We've got wine. We could probably find some fish. We're out of Bondi Sands. Oh, my God. I need to go back to the mainland. Okay.

We'll build a new boat. Or shunk the boat. From the wine barrels. And row it across. So today's spec to the day is you can grow rhubarb from just the light of a candle. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. It was a concrete truck at my house yesterday.

It was very exciting. Vaughan, I thought you'd like that. I love, I do, I do. There was two. Two concrete trucks. There was one with the big swishy swivel thing on the back, mixing the concrete. Oh yeah, the concrete bowl.

And then the front one had the pump. The pump. Pumping it into the holes the back, mixing the concrete. Oh yeah, the concrete bowl. And then the front one had the pump that was pumping it into the holes for the piles in the house. I wasn't here for any of this. Comes out sort of porridge-y. My builder gave me a video of it happening and I was like, that's exciting. And when I got home, the concrete

was all sort of flat at the top and they've got to leave it for a couple of days, obviously, to set. And I was like, Aaron, we're going to write something. And I touched it and it was like, it was like not wet anymore. It was kind of like, you could still write in it, but it wasn't. Time was of the essence.

And I was like, what are we going to write? Hayley was here or something like that. And then I just panicked and I put H, S and A, C, which are our initials. And then I just panicked and I put HS and AC, which are our initials. I was like, cute. And then I took a photo.

And then I just now feel like that was such a waste of wet concrete. Well, because sometimes people put money in there, like a coin. Yeah, I wanted to put my face in there. Like put a plastic, like some cling wrap over my face or something and go. Yeah, I think that, I don't know if that's a concrete thing. That's more of a. Well, I also had to be aware of the structural integrity of my house. Yeah, you want to be careful there.

But I didn't even think of, I could have thought of a joke or a classic C&B. Oh yeah. You know. You panicked. But you're too late. I know. It's set now. Yeah. I don't know. You always say that, you know when the council makes

a new footpath and then some kids come along and they write their names in there? Yeah. It's just like that's naughty. Well we wrote our names in front of our old house when the council redid the footpath. Just our initials. Americans. In the main footpath. Just in a little bit there. How big was that? Not very big. Oh, yeah.

Small. I didn't quite think. Okay. Because I couldn't find a describing device, so all I found was a thick twig. A thick twig. A thick twig. Because what is that?

You know the Hollywood, they've got the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and then the theatre. The Chinese theatre. Yeah, they do the handprints, don't they? Yeah. And you're like, oh my God, Tom Cruise has got tiny hands. That's what you do.

He's got tiny hands. That's what you do. He's a tiny man. But they do that in the concrete. Yeah, I know. Is that concrete or is that plaster? No, that's concrete. No, that's concrete.

That's concrete, yeah, like a soft. They pour a little slab. Like it doesn't have a lot of like stones in it, eh? Nah, it's. Like a smoother concrete. I don't know what they call that. What do they call that? What's it called?

It's got a funny name. It's not aggregate because that's what you put in there. Builder's mix. Oh. It's builder's mix and then you add the aggregate to the builder's mix. God, there's some concrete layers listening now. You don't know anything.

Also, don't touch the concrete. It's probably what they're thinking. Oh yeah, they wouldn't like that. Especially when it's nice and smooth. Yeah, when it's nice and smooth. I wish I had got like a cookie cutter or something and just like done gingerbread men all around the house. So there's gingerbread men.

Is polished concrete still in vogue for an interior? Yeah, it is. But tell you what, break a bloody mug if you drop it. I tell you what, you're not dropping anything. You're not getting anything back from a drop there. It's not surviving, including yourself, including your skull. Drop yourself on the floor and you'll break as well. But it's easy clean.

Oh, you're beautiful to clean. It hides a clean oh you're beautiful to clean thank you for joining us this morning on floor chat next week laminate versus linoleum the Bidens went out for a meal lovely people

they went out for a meal and they sat down and they ordered a chicory salad. Chicory, I thought. My dad grows that, but it's just for the cows. No, chicory's yum. Is it? It's like a peppery lettuce. Do you want to bring some back next summer?

He'll put a paddock in chicory and they go in and they eat it off and then it grows back and they eat it off and it grows back and they eat it off. You get about four or five guys out of chicory and it grows well in drought conditions. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about the crops you'd be putting up. Chicory salad, grilled bread and butter and two bowls of rigatoni,

which is a red-sauced pasta. Rigatoni is a form of tube-shaped pasta of varying lengths and diameters originating in Italy. So they both ordered that. Now, where's the crime in that? They both ordered the same thing.

That's the crime. If you go out for meals, if you go out for a meal, you get two different meals and then you get to try each other's meals. No. And then if someone's like, I'm not loving my meal, you can swap or go halfsies. No. I don't want them taking half my chicken. This is why you're single.

You are an absolute, you cannot be bargained with, you cannot be, you zero compromise. The only time Aaron and I will ever order the same thing is if we're at our local favourite. And it's not like I'm going to get something and go, oh, I don't like that, can I have some of yours? Because you've had everything on the menu. I know what it is and that's what I want

and if he wants it too, then he can have it. It's like why I like going to places that do it a little bit differently here. All of our plates are designed to be shared. Wait, they what? And we'll also just bring it out as it's ready. This is Matt Magus. What do you mean? Entree, mains, desserts.

Oh, no, but that's why I'm telling you, dear patron, of every single restaurant, we do things a little bit differently here. Right. Have you eaten with us before? No, we haven't. It's my first time. We do things a little bit differently here. Right. Have you eaten with us before? No, I haven't. It's my first time. We do things a little bit differently here. To every other restaurant in the world.

Every other restaurant in the world. I just want my own plate. No, no, no. So our plates are designed to be shared. Yeah, but what if someone eats it all and I don't get any and I get panicked? That's the great thing about this restaurant. Order another and it'll be here lickety-split. But okay, so say if your wife orders something.

Yeah. I never order the same thing. Sometimes we'll be like, sometimes I'll go, we don't discuss what we're going to order, but I'll kind of be able to work out what she's going to order. Yeah. And I'll have that as my secondary order ready to go in case she doesn't. Okay. But if she orders that and then it'll come to me and I'll be like, I was going to get

that. That looks good. And then why don't you get that too? Because I have a taste of hers. Oh, that would annoy me so much. It would annoy me so much. No, but that's the deal. We know that that's the deal.

But it's on her if she orders something bad. She has to eat it. She doesn't order something bad. Yeah, but sometimes. Aaron does. Aaron will always order badly. I'm like, just order what I order. I hate when I order and it comes out as the smallest thing. Yes. Yeah. I always get badly. I'm like, just order what I order. I hate when I order and it comes out and it's the smallest thing.

Yes. Yeah. I always get the smallest one. You're like, oh, I'm going to have a steak. And you get a steak and it's like one of those tiny little fancy ones. I fill it. And I fill it. And I fill it with like a jus and like a little smear.

Push it out for a scotch. Push it out for a scotch. Come on. Grow up. Grow up. You don't need the softest, easiest to chew piece of meat around, right? And for God's sake, if you're getting anything more than medium rare, get out of here.

Go home and eat leather. You monsters. Yum. You damn monsters. No, I want a steak. Yeah, I want a steak too. Could you cook me a steak? No, you're not invited today.

She's not invited. You said you had plans. You're not invited ever to my house ever, so I guess that's just what that is. Your steak is at my house. You know you're not invited. Well, at my house. Plus you're're not invited. Well, at my house. Plus, you're not washing yourself before you get in the pool.

If you do come around for steak and you bring Mama Freya Raleigh's garlic bread, we're going to have a real issue, buddy. You know I always bring Mama Freya Raleigh's. Well, I found out they use margarine, so I don't know if I can do that now. What I've learned is most garlic breads that come pre-buttered, I'm saying using my fingers, buttered. It's not butter because butter goes rancid. It's marge.

It's marge. It's a spread. It's a non-rancidising spread. It's yum, though. Honestly, this world, you know, like, it's just so bad. We've got a butter on our garlic bread. It's bad news all the time. I know.

Garlic. Crushed garlic. I'm not posh about that. Garlic, butter, herbs, some salt. Mix up your own butter. Get a lovely par-baked. Maybe some chilli flakes? Would they be good in a garlic breeze?

Yes, they would be. Yes, they would. Parmesan, buttered Parmesan cheese on top. Why not? Yes, they would. Now we're talking. Can I come over? And now we get some par-baked dinner rolls,

some par-baked dinner rolls, and just, just kiss them with the oven. And then we send a photo to Hayley of how good they are. Yes. This is my oven. This is T2 for not inviting us. This is my oven kissing the par-baked dinner roll. Not too much.

I have invited you to my house so many times. Yeah, but not to tonight. Pull it open like Lord Jesus at the final supper. Pull the bread open and put the garlic butter in. Don't even use a knife. Pull it open and get a finger load of butter. Smear it in. Back and forward.

This is my body take from it. Everybody's yo. I'm not coming to your Christian dinner tonight. There's a Lewis Road garlic and herb butter. What? Yeah, it's so good. Ladies and gentlemen. Is this thing on?

I am hot for the weekend. I'm hot for the weekend. Cheese, steak's so good. Ladies and gentlemen, I am hot for the weekend. I'm hot for the weekend. Cheese, steak, garlic bread. Where is this Lewis Road? You just go to the supermarket. Oh, it's butter. It's butter? It's a block of butter.

Oh, so you buy it and then you spread that on. And it's got herbs in it. And garlic. Okay, okay. Yeah, that's good. It's yummy. Yum! Cheers for the weekend. Let's eat. Have a great weekend, everybody. Yeah, that's good It's yummy Yum! Cheers for the weekend

Let's eat Have a great weekend everybody Yeah, bye And we'll catch you back Tomorrow morning For the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Bottomless Brunch I probably should have said

Have a good weekend then After the Bottomless Brunch Not now That's pre-recorded No, because you're telling them in advance Don't shake your head Don't lie to these people They deserve to

We do things a little bit different here We tell you the truth We're not working on a set We're not lying to you like other radio stations. Look at Ross. Look at Ross just waving at you. What, do you think people believe this, the stalwart of New Zealand broadcasting,

Vaughan Smith, would come in on a Saturday? This company in the current economic climate could not afford it. It could not afford my weekend. My weekend rates are ridiculous. And you know why? I won't work a weekend. I won't afford my weekend. My weekend rates are ridiculous. And you know why? I won't work a weekend. I won't work a weekend.

Turn off the radio before he gets here. Value your weekend. Value your free time. Ross is coming. Don't let anybody afford you on your free time. No, I'm waiting until Ross is coming. We're going to go overtime. It's nine o'clock.

I'm going overtime. People have tuned in for the news. That's going to do that thing in the ads, though. We've got the bills to pay. We've got bills to pay. You will go in for the news. That's going to do that thing to the ads though. We've got the bills to pay. We've got bills to pay. You will go down with this ship. No one believed we were here on a Saturday morning Ross. It's also funny how like you're working overtime right now

just shut up. This is a freebie. Put away invoice. See ya, see ya later. Actually I'm going to have to stop you there. That's copyrighted. Suzy Cato's a very good friend of mine. She's already sued me twice, so if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action, that would be great.

Tell her I'll review her five stars if she does the same for this podcast, and then she tells all her friends. And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well.