ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 3rd May 2022

Episode Date: May 2, 2022

Arm Willy  Top 6: Housing Crisis  Silly Little Poll!  Good Good Bad Good!  Vaughan Nearly Died  Fletch the Feminist  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Grab any size McCafe coffee. For only $4 conditions apply. And I tell you what, this is exciting. Vaughan has received mail in a big A4 size envelope. And it is...

It's got a stamp on it even. It's got the... This cost $4.10. Postage is out of control. I know it's ridiculous but it's got lines and it's like it's been

written in primary school. Beautiful handwriting. I was like stunning. And I flipped it over and immediately it says Al Meredith of Morrinsville.

I won't read out her whole address. Now my primary school teacher's name was Lynn Meredith. So do you think this is from Mrs. Meredith. Now you you think this is from Mrs. Meredith?

Now, you haven't opened this yet. No. And you're going to open it now. And she has meticulous handwriting. And the lines, the pencil lines. She must be in her, when I was at primary school, she probably would have been in her 50s. Oh, wow.

She must be in her 80s by now. Open it. I reckon my primary school teachers Are all dead Because they all love ciggies And they were all old Oh were they No Lynn Lynn loves bushwalks

Oh did she We went on lots of bushwalks She did all the great walks Just you and Lynn Whenever she had a holiday She Or the class and Lynn Everybody and Lynn

Cody when you said that We went on lots of bushwalks And they were like Why are you hanging out with her Lynn would get the school Yeah Bus And we'd go and we'd do a bushwalk

And she'd teach us all about the trees and stuff. I took her around as a child, but looking back on it, it was wonderful. I don't know what she sent me. She also hooked me up with a pen pal once. She wanted the best for me. What, from Tearaway?

Remember Tearaway pen pal? Oh my God, yes. Have I ever told you my Tearaway pen pal story? No. I wrote to Tearaway, which was a teenage magazine. It was absolutely at its peak in the 90s when I was a teenager. And it would go to all the schools.

Yeah. So my friend, Alison, she put in a pen pal thing for herself saying, hey, and you just say a bit about yourself. It was like the classifieds, how old you are, what you were like. And she said, she got like 40 letters. I was like, that's insane. And she's like, you should try it. I was like, okay. And i was like that's insane and she's like you should try it i was like okay and i was like what what should i write she's like just and i was like hey i'm

vaughn um i think i said i'm like from moronsville yeah uh i like chocolate and dogs literally it was something simple like that do you know how many letters i got how many 700 what i'm not bullshitting you like my mum would be like, what? God damn it, Vaughn. And the mailbox would be like full and people sent like chocolate. The weirdest thing was someone sent me a whole lot of their hair. That was really weird. Like hundreds and they just

kept coming. That is crazy. The first few days when it was like a wad of envelopes, my mum's like, you've got to write back to every single person that wrote to you because they took the time to write to you. When it got to 700, mum was like a wad of envelopes. My mum's like, you've got to write back to every single person that wrote to you. Because they took the time to write to you. When it got to 700, mum was like. Biffing them.

I can forget it. Because she would have had to pay for postage. Yeah. Jeepers. It was insane. Just when you said tearaways, I was like, oh my God. Taken back. I got younger than that at primary school when I started writing to this guy called Sam.

Wow. Should I open this? Yeah. Very interesting to see guy called Sam. Wow. Should I open this? Yeah. Very interesting. That's $150-ish for like a 20-cent stamp. If it was a 20-cent stamp and you wrote back to everyone. That would have been at least $40 back then. Oh, gosh.

Wouldn't it have been? Oh. Is it at Will? I've won. I'm doing some cleaning out at home. This was amongst the box of Kiwitehi stuff and I thought you might like it. You kids were such good printers. Cheers.

Do you remember these room two stories? Oh, my gosh. Is this what you did when you were a kid? Oh, look at the little drawings. This was the other thing about Lynn. In the 80s, she was very much about today-o. Do you know what's really freaking me out? In one of the breaks today, we did a little dance.

What was the dance move? It was literally this, and that's the breaks today, we did a little dance. What was the dance move? It was literally this. And that's the drawing. That's there. That's the drawing of the kids doing the dance. Wow. Oh, and there's a story. What is that?

That looks a bit like my handwriting. Oh, it must have been. Well, she wouldn't send you another kid's work. Oh, no, here's my one. Look at that handwriting. Bloody good. The walk to the cowries. Cowries. To at that handwriting. The walk to the cowries. Cowries.

The walk to the coldie by Vaughan. On the way to the coldie, Murray Thompson stopped to show us native plants and ferns and trees. Murray was very helpful. Wow. On the way to lunch, there were eight stream crossings. Murray showed us the

Cahicotea and the umbrella moss and the kauri and the miro and the tawa and the kaihikatea i've already written that you should have now what you've done there is you've gone and and and if you put a comma comma yes then an and yeah well and to finish sure that uh so has she marked on that I'll be sure that five or six year old me were you a dumb kid were you quite a because it sounds like you're a bit thick

you're a bit thick that's my like this is Lyndon teach you once you got past like seven so that's pretty good handwriting and you also started to see

that with the lowercase there oh thicky where absolutely fuck you don't drag me into this bullshit thicky

Murray showed us that's not a full stop that's a printing that's a printing dot you've got to remember these photocopies into this bullshit. Fucking. Murray showed us. That's not a full stop. That's a printing dot. You've got to remember these photocopies were shit back in the day. Murray showed us the cahaketeer and the umbrella moss and the kauri and the meadow and the tower and the cahaketeer and the rimu and the puketeer and the riwariura and the rata. Jesus Christ. And the karaka.

The story sucks. Smithy couldn't even keep it short. The rata grew around the tree And strangled them The pocatea has a square stem Got a lot of te reo Maori for you Well done And buttresses at the base of the trunk They told you that word

The bark is light grey and hammer marked Oh god this is dreary isn't it Manga manga is sometimes called the Bushman's Beard. The Maori use... When does it get to the exciting bit? The wiry stalks for rope. Skip to the end. Where's the action?

You've lost me. Where's the action? Did Murray drown in a stream? Did he get stuck in a stream? God, he's on page three. No, this is interesting. Maori used to eat the karaka berries and get food poisoning, so they were buried up to the neck until the poison had gone.

I think you've made that up. That sounds like absolute white privilege there. Murray said we were very lucky to see the robin. I was sitting on a tree close by to the track. Everyday bird. Oh, page four. Here we go. Jesus Christ. I was probably looking for food. Everyday birds. Oh, page four. Here we go. Jesus Christ.

It was probably looking for food. It was lovely. It was lovely. I would have really liked seeing a robin. I've always loved New Zealand birds, guys. That's all the words you could have chosen. It was lovely. We saw lots of pantails.

Oh, my God. Skip to the end. And it may have been the same one. Following us along, collecting the insects. This story sucks. We heard the tui and the bellbird. The bellbird? That's a lie.

Weren't they extinct? At the beginning of the track, we saw two kingfishers. Later, we saw a tomtit. Murray gave some children leaves to bring back to school, and he let us feel a lot of leaves and bark Oh shit, page five No, this is Jade's story Well that was the end of your story, absolute fizzler

Check out Jade's handwriting My handwriting was fucked How did your handwriting go so downhill? I don't know, that may have been my sister Michelle's drawing Of children on a track That story sucked I literally just finished A big old yawn How old was she in that drawing?

At the Colony No get us out of here We are not doing another When we were At the end of the track Oh I cannot Yeah we get it There were birds

There were extinct birds Michael Cox has drawn The group walking through the That could be Some work couldn't it Yeah Just fucking through the thing Well that's a lovely blast

From the past Isn't that I'm going to have to Write her a letter back I was going to say Because she hasn't put a number You're just going to have to You could do some work, couldn't you? Yeah. Just fucking through the thing. Well, that's a lovely blast from the past. Isn't that? I'm going to have to write her a letter back. I was going to say, because she hasn't put a number, you're just going to have to actually write. Yes. But you're going to have to do that on and print it out because she's going to see your handwriting come so downhill.

She'll be so disappointed. Oh, my God. Wouldn't she be? I'm going to have to put this online and tag in all of my other chums that I went to school with. I mean, do you want the internet to fall asleep? Nobody's... It's down for a rewrite.

It needs a second draft. Certainly some character development. Murray bought the shit out of me. No, Murray's a mysterious character who knows a lot about the bush. You need to get a dramaturg to come in here and look over there. It's got no structure. What's a turg?

They come in and they look at how the stories are working. What do they want, a child to fall to their death? Yeah. Babs trying to climb one of the beautiful... See, now I'm engaged. Coldy trees. Yeah. And then at the end, Murray is actually Meredith.

Twist. Thank you, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fleeche, Vaughan and Hayley,. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fleech, Vaughan and Hayley. Happy Tuesday morning. I'm feeling revived. You had a lot of sleep last night, Fleech. Yeah, I went to bed at 20 past eight.

Jeepers. Jeepers. Do you know what I finished? Ozark. No spoilers. No spoilers. Ozark. Done.

Done. No, no, no. I finished? Ozark. No spoilers. No spoilers. Ozark. Done. Done. No spoilers. No, no, no. They finished it. Good? Yeah, it was good. I was happy with the end. I was happy. Okay, that's the end.

That's it, eh? No more. No more. No more Ozark. That's it. Okay, well. Oh. I've got curry-stained finger.

I've got smoke. My fingers smell of smoke. Oh, nice. You had a couple of durries on the way in. Yeah, pumping a couple of marlboras on the drive to work. I made a curry last night. I've obviously dipped my middle finger in it and not washed it. Yeah, it's good to know you both clean your hands regularly.

I like wash mine quite hard out, but I can't get the... I can see the dirt under your nails. Oh, yeah, I don't get under there every time. Oh, no, it's impossible. That's my little immuniser there, because I'll chew on that later, and whatever that is, it'll get into my system, and it'll just give me a little bit of the bug, and then my body will learn to fight it.

That's why you haven't had COVID yet. I'm a finger chewer. Yes. I'm a nose picker. I'm a nose picker. No, but apparently the nose picking thing gives you the COVID, because of all the surfaces you're touching. Yeah, you touch it, then you shove it right into the nasal capacity.

Because that's why I got to the gym, went for a cycle class, and then... Picked the nose. Yeah. And you'll see just right up there with both fingers. And there you go. Done. Inserted it. Yeah.

Well, good for you. Coming up on the show, the top six. Yeah, the top six. I'm sick of hearing about the housing crisis. It's about time someone fixed it. So you've got some solutions. I've got the top six crazy ideas that might just fix the housing crisis. I've always said you should be a politician.

Left field thinking. This traditional way of trying to solve things has done nothing but create more disharmony in the housing crisis. So I've got an idea. Or six of them. Coming up on the top six. Next on the show, this So I've got an idea. All right. Or six of them. Coming up in the top six. Next on the show, this will be good for you, Fletch. Something to help your houseplants.

I need all the help I can get. You do. ZM. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Are you constantly killing your plants? Yes. Do you go away and come back and your plants look like shite? Yep.

Well, boy, do I have the product for you. I do get a lot of compliments on my Monstera. Your Monstera? Yeah. I don't know why. I think it's low maintenance. I burnt mine. I put it in the wrong spot.

I mean, we've had it in the same spot for years and years. And then when we moved, put it in the wrong spot. So much, we've had it in the same spot for years and years. And then when we moved, put it in the wrong spot. So much burnage. Burned a couple of our plants. But yeah, when I saw your monster. What a fiddly fig that just at one stage in the afternoon catch just this tiny bit of direct sunlight. But at the same time every day during summer.

And then, yeah, it was like this pizza wedge was brown on it. You've got to have those in the shade. In the shade. But still light. Yes. Not a lot of plants love direct light. They love indirect light. Yeah.

And then your monster is they can survive in the bloody dark. The plants that I have in my apartment now are the ones that survive with me taking care of them. Whereas the ones that are long gone. We don't see those. We don't see those. They're long gone. I couldn't deal with them. They're in the bin.

Too hard. They're in the bin. Yeah. Well, this might be the product for you. It's an IV bag that you hook into your plant. And the idea is for mainly like if you're going away. So say you're going away for two weeks or something. Yeah.

You hook up an IV drip to your plant and it's exactly the same. It looks like a little bag. Like the nurses have. Like the nurses have and you have a little hook and you hang it up and then you run the line down

and you place the line into the soil and it will drip just the right amount that it will need to survive X amount of time depending on how much water you put into it. Is it different For different plants And also I've seen these Sorts of things before

And they always look Ugly No It just looks like An IV drip Yeah but that's ugly I mean it's terrible And also like

I've got Minimum 50 houseplants I'm not buying 50 of these But you would depend On how much Water you had in it And how open the line was

Depending on the plant And its needs. Because I have a friend that's got like, it's like a little glass bird with a stack. It measures the moisture in it? Well, no, you chuck it in the thing and you fill it with water and it slowly leaks out. Yeah, so you can get self-watering pots these days.

And they just water themselves from the inside out. Yeah. What was the old, you like get a shoelace, right, and a jar, and you fill the jar with water. And you run it, yeah. And you put the shoelace into the soil. But again, imagine having-

And it'll all like, it's sort of a really slow suction. It'll suck it in as it dries out. Imagine having 50 jars of water placed around the house every time you want to go home. It would be if you were going away, right? Yeah. Yeah. We just get people over.

But we have had that before where people were like, I'll water your plants. I'll water them the hell to death. Yeah, I'll drown you. Yeah, and then they drown them. You come back and everything's yellow. You're like, what happened? That's a cactus.

They tried. They did try. That's a cactus. That's a cactus. Why won't you live? It famously needs no water. 12 past six. Next on the show, science.

Guys, we've got an update, a science update. You know a lot about this story. I do. I thought you were going to say about this procedure. I wonder if you should lead the story. Oh, yeah. Because you know all about it. I really do.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. This is an incredible story of science. A man who is a British man who had an infection in his perineum. Perineum? Perineum. The middle back. The gooch, I believe. The gooch is the official scientific term.

And it led to a blood disease. What's it called? Sepstis. Septis. Blood infection. Went to the toilet and his willy dropped off. This blows my mind. This is like when you see a medical

show, not like a Grey's Anatomy, not a fictional one. One of those awful British shows where they're like oh can't my penis is purple the one yeah the free doctor

would park up at the beach and be like anybody got any questions I'm so not wondering embarrassing bodies yeah and he'd be like oh I've been wondering about this no this is pretty serious

how long has this been happening he's like four years I've not been able to pee properly and they're like god damn it go and see a doctor you've got the NHS yeah

well no this was was pretty serious. Like, he was very unwell. His willy dropped off, and then... It just, like, plopped off. What is he, Mr. Potato Head? Or Potato Person? Well, this has taken a long time. No, there's still Mr. Potato Head.

I want to clarify this. There's still Mr. Potato Head. There's still Mrs. Potato Head. There's Potato Head Children. But overall, the brand is now known as Potato Head. Okay, what is he? Potato Head? There you go. Mr. He can still be Mr. Potato Head. No, what is he? Potato Head? There you go.

He can still be Mr. Potato Head. No, I don't know. I don't know what he's calling himself. You're going to be in trouble here. So this happened in 2010, and he's only just got his willy back. So 2010, that happened. You know, he just went without a willy.

And then in 2015, doctors built him a new one out of skin grafts. The things they can do now, built him a new one out of skin grafts and the things they can do now built him a whole new member but due to the fact that it had a lack of oxygen they couldn't attach it

to the groin straight away because it's a whole procedure. The things they can do are absolutely incredible. So in order to keep it alive and you might have seen this before when they've grown ears on people who need, you know, like.

I've seen them grow ears on mice. Yeah, or they can grow like organs and stuff, but you have to, it has to have something to live on. Right. So they grew his fully like shaped and formed penis on his forearm of his left arm. Where it grew and lived and became alive for six years. So he had penis on his forearm for six

years. Yeah, seven years, in fact. He'd be wearing long-sleeved all the time, eh? I don't know. I'd be like, do you guys reckon that's anything to worry about? And you're like, sweet dick, bro. Sweet dick, bro bro The doctor didn't, you know, mess around There's six inches

Oh, okay You're going to get one made Yeah, right Flaccid Why not? Because what would you Yeah, flaccid butt But can it

Yes, so this is the amazing thing Holy moly, can it? So just now, which is why this article is out They were like, it's time to attach it to his groin Then, so just now, which is why this article is out, they were like, it's time to attach it to his groin, where they had like, they did like a urethra extension so he could wee through it, so from his body, because that whole system is still inside of him, but they just had to attach it to this new member.

Because the willy is made out of skin from his arm, he can feel it. So it's got nerves on it. This is incredible. Maybe not the same as a willy, but the same as an arm, so he can feel it. Then, have you heard of these before? If you ever have an accident where you lose your penis

and it has to be gone or whatever. No, they put a pump in your scrotum. So you can pump it up. So you can pump it up. And it fills with air so you can get an erection. We've missed a trick. That song, Detachable Penis. Do you remember that song? I was thinking Pump Up the Jam. We should have been playing that.

Pump Up the Jam. That's what you can do. So he can. That is amazing. It's a wildly inappropriate song. There is the Detachable Penis part, but then there's all the... I can't remember the rest of the lyrics. I mean, that's not going to work.

Was it the lyrics to that? Yeah, it was. Yeah. But it's... So when you pump it, you grab, like, in one of the testicles, you can get a pump

and it fills the willy with saline solutions and he can have sex with his new... That is incredible science. ...custom-made penis. I listened to a podcast about a guy

who got into a car accident and his body was absolutely mangled and he lost made penis. I listened to a podcast about a guy who got into a car accident and his body was absolutely mangled and he lost his penis. He woke up and his penis had been taken off because it was so badly damaged. Jesus. And he had the same thing. They grow a penis, they shape it and they can attach it to all of the inner workings and you get this little

pump. You pump it up. Nice and stiff. Get it in. But it's hard like is it like one of those thunder sticks that you get at a netball game? You know, you whack them together. They inflate them all. What's the part that inflates? Is there like a bladder? Oh, is there?

And what's it made of? Goon sack inside. Yeah. And would that pop? A high pressure one, like a bike tyre. Yeah, like what's the PSI on it? Yeah. You don't want to be pumping too hard. Yeah. And like a high-pressure one, like a bike tyre. Yeah, like what's the PSI on it? Yeah. You don't want to be pumping too hard.

Yeah. And then you... Like, is it something you could do down at the local Z? And then what, is there a valve to deflate? I guess so. And I don't know that you would... Release it? Release.

Oh, yeah, right. Oh, yeah, no, I wouldn't admit. That's phenomenal. Like, jokes aside, that is incredible. Like, that has happened, right? Absolutely amazing. He said, can you imagine six years of your life with a penis swinging on your arm?

It's been a nightmare, but now it's gone. It's in its rightful place, the little bugger. It swung. I always imagined it was like parallel to it. You'd need some little undies. So he had it bandaged. So it was like that, like flat against his forearm. But not too attached.

But if he unbandaged it and went like that, yeah, it was a limp, swinging phallus. I would have had some cute little undies made. Yes. Some arm undies.

Slip it on your arm. Oh, absolutely incredible. Wild. Science, eh? The top six is next. Vaughan, you've got six ideas to fix the housing crisis. Yep.

Crazy enough, they just might work. Where have you been all this time? Yeah, I don't know if anyone can do it. It's Vaughan Smith. From the panoramic

ZM think tank this is the top six. Housing crisis. I'm sick of hearing about it. I bet you are. I'm bloody sick of it. So I've got some solutions. Okay.

The traditional ways aren't happening. Yeah. It's not solving anything. Otherwise it would have been solved already. So I've got the top six crazy ideas to fix the housing crisis. Okay. I'm just going to get straight into it. We all know the housing crisis.

We don't need a background, do we? No. Housing shortage. Rents are too expensive. Yeah. People are land banking. There's empty houses sitting around that could be used to house people, but people's personal greed is making it, you know, they're not being used.

It's just this. And this is housing people. This isn't the share market. You don't make a quiet investment and then sit and watch it grow or, in Hayley's case, cost you money. Bleeding money. Bleeding money in her shares, his investments. I've got the top six crazy ideas to fix the housing crisis.

Number six, lotto, but for houses. Oh. Like those, you know those things. Boys sound lotteries. Yeah, it's $20 a ticket, but you could win a house. I like those. But those are always like a house on the waterways of the Gold Coast. Yeah. I'm just talking about a three bitty a house on the waterways of the Gold Coast. Yeah.

I'm just talking about a three-bitty. Yeah. A three-bitty in Lower Hutt. I'm talking about a two-bitty in Glenfield. Yeah. I'm talking about a four-bitty in Fairfield. Lovely. You know?

So what do you do? How much is the ticket to buy? How many people can enter the lottery? Well, I'm thinking there could be regional ones. So there's a Canterbury one. But you can only enter if you don't already have a house. And if you win, you've got to prove that you don't have a house. Yeah, right.

And then you can have the house. Okay. So you can't enter to get an investment property. No. So your idea for the housing market, the problem is gambling. Yes. What problem hasn't been solved with gambling? Okay. Well, I problem is gambling. Yes. What problem hasn't been solved with gambling?

Okay. I can't answer you there. It's 20 huck. Yep. Okay. You know, 20 huck a tick and you could be

having a house. Is it weekly? Depends how many people are buying. Okay. I'll have to get someone to do the numbers on it.

Yeah, right. This is good. Okay, I'm into that. Smaller places, less people entering but also cheaper it. Yeah, right. But it could totally work. Okay, I'm into that. Smaller places, less people entering, but also cheaper houses. Yeah, okay. Are you listening, Labour? Duh! Listen up!

It seems so obvious now that you're saying it. Well, here's another one. Number five on the list of the top six crazy ideas just to fix the housing crisis. Give everyone a house. Yeah, okay. Give everybody a house. And then everybody's got a house. They just still do that in many countries.

I mean, when I was in Oman, you still get land when you turn 18. Do they just give you a slice of the pie? They just give you a little slice of pie. Yeah, but do they just, it's in the desert, isn't it? You just feel like, what am I going to do here? It's in the desert? Then once you've got that, can you... It is a desert.

Because I wondered if you did that, and then heaps of people would just be like, well, I've got no interest in owning a property. And then they would sell it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I wonder how long it would take just to get to it back. Back to another housing crisis. How far in the desert do you have to dig down to get a foundation?

Oh, probably quite far. It'll cost you. Yeah, right. Okay. But it's a gift. Yeah. Can anyone just move to Oman? Yeah, but...

That's my rates. You're given land, but then it ends up costing you... Look, I don't know it's a gift. Yeah. Can anyone just move to Oman? That's bad rates. You're given land, but then it ends up costing you. Look, I don't know that much about the Omani housing. Number five on the list was give everyone a house. Number four on the list, no one's allowed a house. Oh, wait, no one at all. But then where will everyone live? Yeah.

Well, at the ridges. Oh, at the ridge? Oh, that'd be nice. You just find an empty one. Okay. It can't be yours. Right, okay. It's like hot desking.

Yeah, yeah, it's hot desking, but for houses. Hot housing. Oh, God. And if your whole family goes on holiday, you come back and someone else has moved into your house. Yeah, right. They're not allowed to keep your stuff. Yeah.

They have to pile it up outside. Right. But you snooze, you lose. Okay. Number three on the list of the top six crazy ideas that just might fix the housing crisis. Give all the houses to one person. Oh, yeah.

And they're in charge of houses. So they divvy them out like a king. You come to the housing lord or lady and you say, I am a family, I am but a humble man with a family of four. And they say, hmm, three bedroom house for you. It's very Game of Thrones. Yeah. It very much is.

And wouldn't you argue that this is already sort of the case, that just sort of a small group of people own all the houses? Right. Make it smaller. One person. Not just like a bunch of really rich people. small group of people make it smaller right make it smaller right one person not just like a bunch of really rich people

could I give you like a bit of a side money gift to get a really nice house how nice are we talking because you're a single man you don't need

you can have access to a tennis court I can have room for all my cats because that's why I need a big palace so you're doing a one bed

you can have a big one bedroom oh thank you can I flash my boobies for a three beddy what do I need a big palace. So you're doing a one bed. You can have a big one bedroom. Oh, thank you. Can I flash my boobies for a three bitty? What do you need a three bitty for? Well, me. Yeah.

And my piano. And the pool table. And the pool table. You can have. Oh, wonderful breasts. You can have. Just wait till you see them. Put your ta-tas away.

I am the housing lord. You can have a one-bedroom. Sounds like this housing lord might want to see Aaron's, your fiancé's doodle instead. Yeah, I think it may be up and knocking on the wrong door. Seeing as your babs didn't work. Yeah. All right, I'll get Aaron to come and shake his willy about it. Just show me what you've got.

Suddenly you've got a four-bedroom house. No, you're not getting a four-bedroom house if there's only two of you. You're getting a one-bedroom house. No, you're not getting a four-bedroom house if there's only two of you. You're getting a one-bedroom studio. I hate the housing lord. Well, it's this or nothing. Don't you dare try to overthrow the housing lord. Number two on the list of the top six crazy ideas that just might fix the housing crisis, tiny homes. If you've got a problem, throw a tiny home at it.

If you've got a problem, throw a tiny home at it. Yeah. But we're big people. You're big people. I can't. I couldn't. S, throw a tiny home at it. If you've got a problem, throw a tiny home at it. Yeah. But we're big people. You're big people. I can't. I couldn't. Slightly larger than tiny home. Medium home.

Medium home. You'd need a tiny skinny home. A tall skinny home. Thank you so much for calling me skinny. Yeah. A tiny, in comparison to you, home. Yeah, yeah. A relative to you tiny home.

If you guys did a container home, you'd have to have two containers stacked on top of each other just to get Aaron in there. Those 40 foot containers are quite tall. Are they? They're like 2.8 metres. Oh, okay. Taller than a doorway. Sounds like I've got one at home at the moment. It's a lot of fun. Sometimes I just go and sit in the container

and imagine I'm being what? Human trafficked? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you sit there like, we're on the choppy seas. We must be on a truck now. Hold tight, children. Soon we'll make it to wherever we're going. What's the country you want to go to at the moment? I don't want to go to America.

Land of the free. I'm not living in a container to go to America. Get there and get shot. Number one on the list of the top six crazy ideas that just might fix the housing crisis. Start making houses out of anything, like straw or sticks or bricks, whatever you want. Earth ships.

Yeah. Have you seen these earth ships? Yeah, you dig in, right? You dig it into the side of a bank and you make it out of bottles and tires. Like a hobbit hole of your recyclables. Right. Sounds like a school project to build a raft.

They are so cool. Look at these. Google earth ships if you're listening. Oh, yeah. Not if you're build a raft. They are so cool. Look at these. Google earthships if you're listening. Oh, yeah. Not if you're driving, though. Don't do that. But you build them into like banks and make them out of clay and mud. Got a real Jason Kerrison Ark vibe.

Yeah, it does. Sounds all the alternative thoughts on vaccines. But yeah, and we don't have big bad wolves in New Zealand, so there's nobody to blow down. Yeah. The house is made of straws and sticks. That's tough. Yeah, that's my two cents anyway.

They should get you into government. Just for my dears. You know Jacinda. Text these to her. I will. Good. Have you thought of these six ideas? Hey, babe.

And there's more. Have you thought of these? Yeah. Sup, yo. Here's some ideas. That's today's top six. Well, yesterday we welcomed back tourists, didn't we? From Visa Waiver countries.

What does that mean? So they can come and visit. What does Visa Waiver mean? Well, they're the ones that we have an agreement with. So this was an agreement pre-COVID? Just the usual visa waiver countries, like your United States, your UK, you know, all of our partners around the world.

Like when we go somewhere, we get a visa waiver in the US. Yes. We just get to walk on in as where they consider us a safe, friendly country. You might still have to like fill out the, you know, electronic visa waiver for the States and stuff.

But yeah, you come in. Oh, this is quite a list of countries. Yeah, it's worth noting that that kicked in yesterday and that tourists are coming back to the country because today is the first day that the Great Walks open for bookings around our beautiful country. Now, they're going to be staggered across the week. Today, the Milford Track opens 9.30 for bookings around our beautiful country. Wow. Now, they're going to be staggered across the week. Today, the Milford Track opens 9.30 for bookings over summer.

That was the one that sold out in 10 minutes last year. That's one of our most well-known ones. Yeah, popular ones. Although, in saying that, Doc have said if you're wanting to book any of these, because most of them open at 9.30. So, today, Milford. Wednesday, Lake Waikeremoana, the Hefe Rootburn tracks

are open. Thursday, Whanganui River. God, I honestly cannot. The best part about that walk is that it's not a walk. It's a float. It's a 90-kilometer paddle. But also it's not,

I was of the opinion I would be able to just sit and float. No. Oh, you thought it would just sit and float. No. No. Oh, you thought it would just carry you downstream? Yeah. That's how streams work. Although, to be fair, if there was more rainwater,

I reckon you'd do less paddling. I had to be a bit faster. We had a low river. Because you were right in summer. Yeah. So Thursday, Whanganui, Abel, Tasman, Stewart Island tracks open for bookings. And Friday, Tongariro Northern Circuit

and the Paparoa track and the Kepler Track open. So all of those are 9.30 in the morning. Doc is saying if you get there at 9.30 to book and it's all full, the system holds bookings for 25 minutes. So if people are like making a booking and then they drop out or they change the number of friends that are staying, those then become available at 10. So keep checking.

And then also it might be cheaper to do like camping, campsites at some of these huts. But then you've got to carry a tent. No, I'm not carrying anything. But then you don't have to sleep in a massive bunk room. Which isn't always great to take earplugs and a sleep mask. No, I don't want bed bugs. I don't want to throw up my stuff and get all itchy.

Are you a stay in huts, tenting kind of? No. I love a day hike. I love like a small, you know, a four hour perhaps bush hike. But no, I'm not that. No. I really want to do the root burn. Had some friends do that in the last year.

Yeah, in the last year. It's so beautiful. Those southern South Island ones are like. A, picturesque. B, in the last year. It's so beautiful. Those southern South Island ones are like, A, picturesque, B, beautiful tracks. Yeah. Yeah, I went down to the Paparoa track

on the west coast of the South Island near, is it near Punakaiki? Yep. Oh my God. I only went in a little bit because I was filming

so I made it look like I'd done the whole walk but I did all of it. Yeah. But oh my gosh, it is like mind blowing. And then like birds would fly by and then you were like, maybe just like a dinosaur will walk by. That's how it feels.

Like every moment you might just bump into a dinosaur. Oh, a dinosaur. Hello little guy. What are you doing here? So beautiful. We're so lucky. Yeah, we are. And as we say, tourists are coming back and they are coming to do all of these great walks.

So get in this week. Share Zs. We're going to share the track with our guests because we've been waiting a long time for these tourists. It was nice for us to travel around with no tourists around, I will say. So you're saying you've missed your chance. Terrible for the tourism industry. Yeah, that's true.

So we have to be happy for them that our tourists are back. We do. But yeah, all the details online. Doc.gov.nz to book those. Gov'd. Gov'd. It's not G-O-V, it's Gov'd. Gov'd.

Doc.gov. Black, foreign, hailey, silly little poe, silly little poe. It is so silly, silly, silly That silly little pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Today's Silly Little Pole.

Chocolat, or chocolate in English. Sorry, I slipped into French there. Yeah. Do you keep it in the pantry or the fridge? And actually very timely because in the break some chocolate showed up for us and I've had a little piece six o'clock in the morning. Yeah, it's the new boysenberry ripple. Yeah.

Which you've just had a piece. You tried so hard to make me eat chocolate. One square. No. Heaven forbid you had one square of chocolate. A little bit too sweet for me. I've heard people. It is very sweet and that needs to be refrigerated. That needs to go into the fridge.

I'm the same. Chocolate, freezer even for me. Yes, sometimes. I love putting it in the freezer for like half an hour or something or an hour and then you have it and watch a movie. If there's a chocolate with like a soft filling, be it a pineapple lump or a perky nana, my favourite, my personal fave, perky nana. Get a grip, it's the best. Wait, an actual perky nana or when they did the chocolate block with perky nana. My favourite. My personal fave. Perky nana. Get a grip. It's the best.

Wait, an actual perky nana or when they did the chocolate block with perky nana in there? No, no, no. Actual perky nana. That in the freezer is good because you get the snap. The snap of the inside going all cold. You get all three and then it goes gooey and then it goes soft. Whereas if you just have it at room temperature, it's soft

straight off the bat. And it's too much. Refrigerated, it's chewy. Yeah, I feel like the freezer and the fridge kind of knocks a bit of the sweetness out. So the gooey chocolate, like the boysenberry ripples got a gooey centre. Yeah, oozy goozy. Would you freeze that or fridge? Fridge. I think the centre to freeze needs to be more sort of spongy or marshmallow-y.

Right. That chocolate, though, how does that compare to the jelly tip, Whittaker's? It's very similar people are saying. Very similar. I would say it's their version of. Oh yeah. And what's better? Jelly tip. Ooh, controversial. It's just a little sweet for me because it's got white chocolate. It's chocolate! No, but you know what I mean.

You've got to chill it out a bit. Tip Top makes a jelly tip as well. Yeah. So Tip Top's in bed with both Cadbury and Whittaker's. Yeah. What a love triangle, Tip Top. Oh, yeah. Keys in a bowl situation, it feels. It's a real tryst.

Yeah. Well, our silly little poll results. Pantry taking the win here at 60% because people just like their soft chocolate. It gets everywhere. 40% in the fridge. I eat it too fast if it's too soft. That's why I keep it in the fridge. It slows me down a little bit. I thought it would have been

closer, but no. Okay, what are people saying? I'll tell you what they're saying. Nicole messages saying it tastes like cold nothing when it's cold. Chocolate is like cheese. It needs to be room temperature for the best flavour. Oh, maybe. I mean, I'd argue

I keep my cheese in the fridge. Maybe I didn't know that was wild. It's gross when you make a cheese board and then it kind of sits a bit and the last little bit of cheese is left and it goes and it sinks in the middle and it goes yellower. Yeah. That's why I always

have tasty cheese slices. Doesn't happen. Never happens. They last all day. Luke says, in the pantry because my brother broke his tooth on a frozen Mars bar once. I've been traumatised ever since.

I can see your trauma there. That's fine. Chris says, put that in the fridge. Cold means it has less calories. Duh. Yeah. That's right.

Frozen, even less. It knocks the sugar out of it. Yeah. That's a fact. Megan, this is an argument I have with my boyfriend. He also likes to keep M&M's in the fridge. Oh, same. Yes.

Oh, yeah. Crispy M&M's. Wait, they're crispy because the chocolate's gone cold or you're actually putting crispy M&M's in there? I'm putting crispy M&M's in the freezer. What do you mean? Interesting. Yeah.

I go in the fridge. I've never had a cold crispy M&M. They're yum. Neither have I. They don't go like rock hard. They're still able to bite them. I can imagine because the crispy's still got the waif. But it adds a bit more of a pressure to get through the initial shell.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to try it. I'll try it. I'll even put Maltesers in the freezer. Whoa, crazy boy. Yeah, same goes. It just hardens the chocolate, not the centre. Yeah, way to go.

Mel says chocolate has to go in the freezer and it hurts her teeth if it's not frozen. I know that thing where the sweetness kind of gets you You might have a couple of cavities there, Mel. Stacey, this is a fair point. Pantry before it's open, fridge after it's open. Yeah, I agree. And Alice says usually pantry, but my street has an ant problem,

so it goes in the fridge. Oh, summer in the fridge. No, summer in the fridge, winter in the pantry. Well, it's like, have you... Some more feedback? When you go to Australia

and you go to like the 7-Eleven or the night and day or whatever they've got, a lot of their chocolate bars are in the fridge with the drinks. Because they melt too quick. Because they melt.

Yeah. It makes sense. And ants is another reason a lot of things live in the fridge. Yeah they melt too quick. Because they melt. It makes sense. And ants is another reason a lot of things live in the fridge. Yeah. A lot of sweet things that don't normally live in the fridge live in the fridge

just to avoid ants. You can't get rid of ants. Ants are forever. That's what Aaron said yesterday. We've got ants in our campari. And he said, ants are forever, eh? And I said,

yeah, ants are forever. You can't get rid of them. What, you've got ants in your campari? As in the drink? Yeah, the bitter liqueur in the pantry. And the ants got into it. Ants got drunk on bloody Negronis.

Terrible. We're drunk at any rate. Ants are forever. Ants are good for you. All right. Play ZM's Fletch Von Anele. Play ZM. Well, national treasure, and I don't use that term lightly, Lydia Koh. She is in California at the moment in the LPGA Palos Verdes Championship.

Oh, okay. She was picked to win. She's a very good golfer. But at the final round, her game was a little bit off, and she was getting a physiotherapist to come on the field and give her some stretches on her back and whatnot. And then she ended up finishing third, tied third, only two shots behind the winner. And then afterwards, the NBC reporter, sports reporter, Jerry Foltz was interviewing Lydia

and was like, you know what, what happened? It didn't look like you were, you know, your usual form and you had your physiotherapist out on the course. Have you got injuries plaguing you? And she was like, God, I hope not. No, it's that time of the month. Wow. And she said, I know all ladies watching are probably like, oh, yeah, I've got you.

Because when she gets her period, her back gets all sore and tight and it feels like it's twisted. So that's why she had a physiotherapist on the field. Field? Course. Course, yeah. Giving her a stretch. And then she felt a lot better, but it was too late. And how did the reporter, was he just stunned?

Absolutely stunned. I would imagine a New Zealand reporter might have handled this better, but this guy was like... I don't know if a New Zealand reporter would have, because when it was on the news last night, even when they were talking about how he was left speechless, it came back, the guy doing the sports didn't quite know how to handle himself. It's so silly.

Well, do you remember this? So anyway, basically he like had nothing to say and then she just laughed and was like, you're a bit lost for words, aren't you? And then just like went away. But do you remember a few years ago uh there was a chinese olympian who came third and she again at the olympics this was rio olympics right was um she came out of the pool and she was like sort of grimacing and was like kneeling over and stuff

people like she's in a lot of pain and she was like no i got my period last night and she's like that's why i was so slow and And everyone was like, I remember that. This is amazing because people like, we don't think about female or uterus owning athletes having periods. You kind of just go like, oh, what's wrong? But they do. And then they just might come at the worst time. You train all your life. You're finally at the Olympics and that happens. And you wake up and you're like, are you kidding me?

Good morning. There it is. And it's always like day one, day two. You're in pain. You feel tired, you know, like sluggish. And, yeah, I remember people were being like really shocked by this because this was a few years ago that she'd even like talked about it. Yeah.

Whereas all the women were like, yes. We got you. It's very normal. But I said this, I was like, oh,

I would just go on the pill if I was a professional athlete. I am an athlete. You're a marcher. Marching. Amateur. You're a passion athlete. Passion athlete.

Thank you very much. A patch late. I was like, I'll just go on the pill so that I wouldn't get my period and I could control it. Could you skip it? You can skip it.

If it was your 100 metre final? Yes, but the pill does so much other stuff to your body that you probably wouldn't risk it. Because that can make you feel a bit fatigued and whatnot. So good on Lydia for just sort of admitting that that's what was happening. She was having terrible period cramps. She should have got a couple of penalty strokes. A couple of, like I had a little couple of.

Period penalties. Yeah, period penalties. Yeah, maybe they could introduce those. Some sort of allowance. Aren't they going to be adding maybe some menstrual leave? Have you heard about this? To workplaces. To workplaces.

Yeah, yeah, I did. So if you have things like periods or whatnot, you can take some leave. And it's not your sick leave. Especially for people with things like endo. Gosh. That would be the whole day on Talkback Radio sorted. You wouldn't even need to come up with anything to talk about, would you?

No, you wouldn't. Just open up the phone lines. Sweet for a week. Steve, Keith, other white men. I should get leave for when my wife's been such a... All right, next on the show, it's our segment Good, Good, Bad, Good, where we have some good news, some good news, a little bit

of bad news, and some good news. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Give them some good news. Give them some good news. Then give them some bad news. Good, good,

bad, good. Good, good, bad, good Good, good, bad, good Nearly. Well, you requested this, Hayley. So much bad news yesterday. So much bad news. You thought we just needed some positivity, some feel-good stories. Yeah. So we do have a good news story, a good news story, and a bad news story just hidden in there.

But then some more good news. We'll finish on the good. Yeah. Who wants to kick things off? Shall I? You can kick things off. You desperately needed some good news. We'll finish on the good. Yeah. Who wants to kick things off? Shall I? You can kick things off. You desperately needed some good news. I really, really do.

Because the bad news, boy, oh boy, is it bad. So a cat named Dexter has been through an absolute ordeal. And it has finally come to an end. Oh, yeah. He's alive. Okay. He hasn't come to an end because he's dead. So he went missing from his home.

I thought you were going to say it was that do we mention this last week the Bengal Yeah. That jumped off a boat.

In Auckland and it swum home back to shore and then went home. Incredible. Well this is very very similar

but no totally it's in Scotland. Right. This story but we're getting a good good good bad good, bad, good. Yeah.

Because there's an extra little story for you. Well, no, this cat called Dexter, he went missing from his home. He was microchipped, but they could not find him. He made his way to a prison where he stayed for a while and the staff absolutely fussed over him, gave him the nickname One-Eyed Joe because he had one eye. Then One-Eyed Joe went missing and somehow ended up on a shipping container

a mile and a half away from his home, which was being shipped to an offshore oil rig. So the people in the oil rig opened up the shipping container and this one-eyed cat came out and they got an absolute fright. But then they took to him he lived with the on the oil rig for five years until eventually they went, we should

probably find out whose cat this is called the SPCA in Aberdeen who then went to retrieve the one-eyed cat, scanned the microchip. After five years? Yeah, scanned the microchip and After five years? Yeah, scanned. That's what you say, after five years.

Scanned the microchip and then found their owner and returned him home. Five years! Five years. And not only that, they returned him home and said, and then the owners were like, oh, my God, oh, my God, our cat's been gone for so long. And they're like, where have he been? He's been living on an oil rig miles away.

What a wild story. Yep. With a happy ending. Back home. Yep, they said, we're so glad he was. Yep. With a happy ending. Yeah, they said that we're so glad it was... It's not a happy ending for the oil rig, man.

They just lost their cat. No, no, so did the prison. But look, back with their rightful owner thanks to the microchip being up to date. But they said it looks like he was

well looked after so they're delighted. That's lovely. So one-eyed Dexter is back with his family. I've got some good news as well and it's also animal related.

Oh, it's always animal related, isn't it? It's always, because you know. Nothing else is good happening in the world. Animals are the only pure joy. That's a cocker spaniel. Cocker spaniel, I was going to say that. Yeah, so this comes to us from Australia, this story.

This went viral. A woman that works for Seven News, she's a reporter, Jackie, she spotted a baggage handler looking after a dog when he was loading it into the plane. On the dog crate. Onto the Virgin plane. And he actually takes the time to comfort the animal who was a bit scared.

And, you know, spends a lot of time there. And she uploaded this to TikTok and it went absolutely viral. Bajillions of likes and views. Over 3 million views. Bajillions of likes and views. Over 3 million views. Bajillions. 3 million views and a bajillion likes. And that led to a lot of outpouring. And that led to the CEO of Virgin giving the baggage handler, Chad,

free business class flights anywhere. Oh, that's nice. For looking after the dog. And then they did an interview with him. You know Chad's just going to Bali. He's flight to anywhere. Oh, that's nice. For looking after the dog and then they did an interview with him. You know Chas just going to Bali. He's going to Bali. He definitely looks like a Bali guy. He's in a birth mate. The world to him is Perth and Bali.

Yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, that's so cute. It's so nice to see that because it's bloody traumatising when you have pets on the plane. Yeah. I swore when we moved from Wellington to Auckland, I swear I could hear Raleigh underneath the plane. I was sitting there going, oh, my God, oh, my God, let's just get here.

Really? Yeah, and when Raleigh gets upset, he says, Aaron. He cries for my fiancé. He goes, Aaron. No, there he does. Aaron. You're imagining a lot. You're giving this cat a lot of.

A lot more. All right, bad news. Who's got the bad news? I've got the bad news. Oh, it's terrible. The sea level is rising twice as fast as previously predicted in some parts of New Zealand. I feel like we've just undone the good news. This is real bad news.

So there was a website that was mentioned yesterday that got hacked? No, it was just a website set up to show everyday New Zealanders how where they live or how they would be affected by sea level rise. Because if you're like, well I live on a hill, I wouldn't be affected. But then it might wipe out your power substation that's not up the

hill. Or it might submerge your local town and make it impossible for you to get your groceries. Everybody will be affected by sea level rise one way or another. And when it said, okay, these are our latest findings and this is how bad it's going to be, there were so many requests for information that this website just fell over.

Because everybody wanted the information about it. But the places, because I was listening to the news yesterday and heard that places like Petone in Lower Hart, Wellington, have 18 years, is it, before all the houses on the shore will be underwater? Yeah, because two things happened. Because that's what I was like, if a sea level comes up 30 centimetres, it's bad, but then apparently it causes subsidence in the land

and it just makes it actually significantly more. How far up the heart am I going to have to buy now to have waterfront property like St Pat's? You're going to be top of Mongaraki. You're going to have to be right up the top of the hills. And then, yeah, even then you have to helicopter somewhere to get your groceries.

It's bleak. Yeah, it's bleak. Good news! I've got some good news. I've got some good news. And this is really good news. This is good news for multiple reasons. A dad called Richard took to Twitter and said, lovely Twitter people, I don't know many of you, I don't know how many of you also Instagram users, but I'm looking for a favour.

My 12-year-old who loves woodwork, he's been spending hours on his lathe making bowls and creating chopping boards, which he sells because he's hoping to save up for a mountain bike. Aw. So I was wondering if any of you fancy giving him a boost and following him on Instagram, clarky underscore woodwork. Yeah.

To make his day, thanks in advance. Unbeknownst to the dad, the son had also set up a little website where you could order wooden bowls off him. Well, he received 20,000 orders. Oh, he's going to have to call in sick to school. So he said, rather than fulfilling this wish for 20,000 wooden bowls, I'll make one bowl. I'll put my heart and soul into it.

I'll call it Gabriel's Bowl for Ukraine. Then if you donate to this charity site, that is one entry to win the bowl. Yep. £250,000 was raised for Ukraine by this 12-year-old on his lathe making this singular bowl. Oh, you've got a lathe too?

You've got a birthday lathe? You should do something for Ukraine with the lathe. But his bowl looks way better than mine. Is it a good bowl? He's actually very, very skilled. He's very good at his woodwork. Also, remember the dad asked him to follow him on Instagram? He is now rocking it at 250,000 Instagram followers.

And he's been invited to all sorts of craft fairs around the UK to do special appearances, and he's been kitted out, and tool businesses are coming out, being like, here, have this, and have these chisels, and have all this. So not only did he raise a quarter of a million pounds for Ukraine, he's also living his dream. And way better at woodworking than you, and he's 12. So you should take a look at that, Hobby. Maybe you're wasting your time. He's also living his dream. And way better at woodworking than you, and he's 12. Yeah.

So you should take a look at that, Hobby. Maybe you're wasting your time. Yeah, I think so. Coming up on the show. It's always nice to have the support and encouragement of your friends. We're realists. Yeah. We're realists, aren't we? Coming up on the show, it's your chance to win.

All thanks to Spark. We've got a 12-month plan up for grabs. A Spark broadband plan with Netflix. Listen out for the Activator. We're going to quiz you on Netflix shows in just a couple of minutes' time. But next on the show, you're lucky to be here. Straight up thought I was dying yesterday.

Smithy here with another exaggeration. There were about 20 seconds where I wasn't sure if I was going to live or die. Play it. Cdm's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. sure if I was going to live or die. Yesterday, I was doing a light bit of demo, pulling down our old, rackety old shed. Tradie Vaughan. Tradie Vaughan. On the tools.

Tradie Vaughan put on his steel cap boots and got out there and was just doing a bit of a tidy in a stack, really. A whole lot of the corrugated iron off the roof. Oh, I love a stack. Got to take that. Oh, yeah. How good is a stack? When everything's a shambles, you can't see the wood for the trees. You're like, oh, I've just got to start stacking.

Even if it's just like a pile, like if everything's spread out everywhere and you just make one big pile. Separate piles. Yeah, it's a good old pile. So anyway, there was a couple of bits of corrugated iron off the roof that were a little bit long for my stack. I was rocking about a three metre stack of corrugated iron, but there was a couple of six metre

lengths. So I said, well, old handy daddy can take it. Feels weird to say that about myself. Handy daddy. Well, Fletch won't let me call myself a tradie. Well, you're not a tradie. You don't have any qualified qualifications

or an apprenticeship. I might do a BCITO. BCITO? BCIOT. BCI. BCITO. BCITO. BCITO.

The apprenticeships and building and construction. And B-C-I-T-O. B-C-I-T-O. I can actually, I'm just on the website. I can register now to get you help getting started. Yeah, I think you should do this. Yeah, go on.

Yeah. I'll sponsor you. What have they got? What a pre, okay, what trade would I do? Oh, you've got to be building. Would I be a builder? Or electrician. Electricians are hot. i always look like they're on the verge of

electrocution though i mean it's it's then it's how they do it or oh jesus they look like they're all apart oh god damn oh shit okay here's all the ones that you can take okay we've each got to decide what aluminium joinery brick and block laying, carpentry, concrete, exterior plastering, flooring, frame and truss manufacturer, glass and glazing, interior systems, joinery, kitchen and bathroom design, painting and decorating, stonemasonry, and tiling. That's me, stonemason. Stone masonry. Yeah, you're a stonemason.

I've got a real big dwarf energy. Yeah. You know dwarves from like Lord of the Rings and stuff. Yeah. They work with the stones and they go with the beer. They've got the beer. Fletch, I can see you rocking a bit of glass. Oh, okay.

You think you'd be a glass and glazier? No, they're real heavy. I'd be one of those ones crushed under a big pane of glass. No, you're a concrete layer. You've got a concrete layer written all over you. Oh, my God. I went past the council. We're doing a ramp up that bike ramp the other day,

and they've smoothed it off apart from one little bit. I was like, see, this is what I'm talking about. We need you. We need the likes of you rocking the concrete lane. You haven't done this bit. Yeah.

And they were just leaving it. Yeah. Nah, you're a concreter. You're a concrete grower. I want to be a tiler. You want to be a tiler? That's a good skill to have.

Yeah, a bit of precision in the old tiler. You've got to get those little plastic separator pegs. Yes. And get a grout. Yeah, get a bit of grout. long grout, a lot of grout.

So, okay, stonemason. I'm stoked on stonemason, by the way. Okay, right, sure. That's a beautiful trade. Yeah. What do you need an outdoor fireplace built to, man? I'll stop by. How did you nearly die yesterday?

So anyway, you'll remember 10 minutes ago, I was talking about how I had some six-metre lengths of corrugated iron, but I had a three-metre length pile. So these six metres, if you're good at maths, which I am because I'm a BCITO, basic training of stonemasonry, I needed to cut them in half. Now I've got an angle grinder. Yep. So I got out my angle grinder.

You're on grinder. No, it's a tool. I've got my own grinder. Sorry, half listening. Yeah, okay. So I'm on the angle grinder, and I'm cutting it in half. And it starts going through and then there's just this noise, clink, like a clink, and the blade explodes.

The cutting blade explodes. Are you wearing goggles? I'm wearing goggles. They'd go through a goggle, wouldn't it? A goggle would stop it, I think. It would shatter the goggle, but I like to put a little bit in. But it won't shatter your face. Did it hit a nail or something hard?

No. I don't know what happened. The blade must have been a little bit... Oh, God. Because I'm used to working with chisels and everything down at the stonemason room. I'm more of a chisel and a hammer guy. This is why you shouldn't be doing stuff like this. So it explodes, and then I just feel this extreme pain in my chest.

And I'm like, I've been hit by it. But I don't know, it must have bounced off the ground and up around the guard, the safety guard. Yeah. And I'm just, it was one of those things where I got hit and I was like, and I felt it hurt a lot and I was like, oh my God, is it embedded in me? And I

looked down and it wasn't embedded in me, but I was too scared to look to see if it had gone like through. I couldn't see it. Was there a hole in your T-shirt? Yes. It was one of those moments where I stood there and I looked at the hole in the T-shirt and I put my hand over it and no one else was home.

Sade was out with her dad. I had previously talked to her. She was on the way home. So I was like, how long does it take a human to bleed out? You know when your mind races when something happens? I was like, what side's your heart on? The heart's on. Is it on the right?

I always thought it was on my left. Left, right. If it's on the right, it was right on the heart. Now I'm standing there and I've got my hand over it and all I can really muster the courage to do is look down and check my hand for like extreme amounts of blood. And I look down and I... Left.

It's on my left. Okay, so it may have missed the heart, but it probably hit the bloody head. Bloody drama queen over here. Oh, yeah, God. And I just kept looking down. Yeah. And then eventually I was like,

okay, I'm going to have to check. And I pulled my shirt up and it was like a graze and it's really sore. Oh, you got a scratch. It was like bruising. You got a little scratch, didn't you? I got a little scratch. But it didn't go through.

It didn't go into me. And it was blood, but it wasn't like gushing blood. It was just like trickling blood. But I was just like. So this is just my fellow tradies out there today. We've got to remember our safety training from our BCITO course. Well, if you'd done some safety training, you might have been wearing some kind of protective... Like a leather apron.

That's what I told my mates. I was like, this has just happened. They were like, you're going to need yourself a leather apron. I said, well, I've got one down at the stonemasonry workshop. Maybe I could get into leather work and I could make you one. Some chaps over the legs and a little apron, a little vest. I think your best bet's just

not touching power tools. Especially on your own when no one's home. I love power tools. So do you know why it happened or what happened? Is that tool going in the bin? No, I've got no idea. No, no, no, the tool's fine. I just replaced the blade and I got back to it.

No! This is Final Destination. No, it's not. What did they tell you at BCITO? What did they tell you? If you fall off the horse, get back on the horse. I don't think that's the message. But put on a hiver's vest.

That's what they told me during my tradie training. Okay, so we've got a text in from the way you've described it, you were probably putting too much pressure. Downward pressure on the grinder. See? You're pressuring the grinder. You need to go back to school. I need to go back to grinder

light. I need to cancel my pay subscription with Grindr. Well, it's time for the impossible phone-in topic. It's been a while since we've done this. Yeah, I'm trying to think what our last one was. Ghosts? My favourite impossible phone-in topic of all time was have you ever landed a plane

on something that wasn't a runway? And just so many calls. And undated. time was, have you ever landed a plane on something that wasn't a runway? Oh, yeah. So many calls. And undated. My favourite was, have you died? Yes. And we had stories of people that had died and come back to life. So this might be... That was when we bloody heard about old Scotty. Oh.

Scotty Price? Scotty Price rescued his mate. Yes. He died on the work site. Yeah. Scotty Price. Was that his name? Scotty Price? Scotty Price rescued his mate. Yeah. He died on the work site. Yeah. Scotty Price. Was that his name, Scotty Price? Scotty Price. Was it Scotty Price? No, I don't know.

I can't remember. We chanted his name. Yeah, I know. Scotty Price. Well, I'm hoping that there'll be some good stories come out of this, but maybe it'll be a bit grim because yesterday, when I was at the supermarket, I saw on the wall they had a defibrillator.

You know one of those little handheld you see them on the all the medical shows. Defibrillator. Clear and they go poof. Is it defibrillator? These ones that you see on the mall wall and the bank and the swimming pool are way different.

I think the amateur ones and you put the tags on. Yeah you put on the sticky things and you connect them. Press the button. And it walks you through. This little automated voice walks you through the whole thing. But you wouldn't want to be going too slowly. You don't want to be cacking around. What if somebody, say it's at the supermarket,

because this is what got me thinking, slips on a grape and they hit their head, and then someone comes around the corner. It won't shock them if it can detect a heart beat. Really. It won't shock them if it can detect a heart beat. Really? It won't shock them if it can detect a heart beat. You don't get, if you've got a head injury but your heart's beating,

you don't get shocked. No, it won't do it. I was like, what if I slip on a grape and I'm knocked out cold and then they defibrillate me. No, no, no, you have to have a heart attack or like die, your heart needs to stop. It measures the rhythm.

Oh my God. Imagine that. I banged my knee, get the defibrillator. Well, because, you know, maybe people just are itching to use this thing because they watch Grey's Anatomy all the time. But this was what I wanted to ask for the Impossible Phone-In topic.

Has anyone ever used one of these defibrillators? Defrib. Defibrillators. No, defibrillator. Defibrillators. Yeah. Has anybody ever used one of these things at like a mall or a... Like a public space. One of the public defibrillator. Defibrillators. Yeah. Has anybody ever used one of these things at like a mall or a...

Like a public space. One of the public defibrillators. But like you're not allowed to be like a St. John's or a nurse or a doctor. Yeah, shut up paramedics. Yeah, you've got to think you are getting enough. You get enough. I don't think they do. No.

Shout out to anybody who's used one in a professional sense. You're doing the Lord's work. You're doing great work. You really are. She's very thankful. Are you just a Joe Bloggs that's had to use one of these things? Yes. It's the next step up from using a bloody EpiPen or an adrenaline shot.

I'd love to do that to somebody too. No, see, I couldn't stab. Someone brings a passed out body to your house, they're high on drugs. You've got to do the adrenaline shot in the chest. Pulp fiction. Isn't that the only way that you use it? You don't have to do it in the chest though. I've seen the people do it in the leg if they've got the allergy pen.

The impossible finding topic isn't have you used an allergy pen. It's have you been in a public... Now, I'm not expecting to get any calls because I think usually they're just called the ambulance. But has anybody ever had to use one of these things? A defibrillator. Have you seen it being used?

I want to know. 0800-DARLS-AT-M. It's the impossible phone and topic. All right, the impossible phone and topic. I saw one of the defibrillators, the little handheld ones, at the supermarket yesterday. I was like, who's ever used one of those? Like, you never see them getting used.

No. Like, you see them on medical shows. They're like, clear! Poof! And you're always grateful they're there just in case. Yeah, 100%. As you say, you slip on a grape and it sets off a heart attack. Your heart stops.

You're on the floor. Yeah. If you step on a crack and break your mother's back. Charlotte joins us. You're a receptionist and you've had to use have you passed this machine on to be used or you've used it? No, so

I worked at a professional sports facility just on reception and we had this hectic buzzer which the coaches in the centre would press if there was a medical emergency happening. And we had to sprint down with the defibrillator and take it to anyone who might be having a heart attack.

So there were quite a few times that it would go off. It was honestly the scariest sound. You just have to like take it and sprint down as fast as you can. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So there were like quite a few times that like you call the ambulance and everything as well

and they advise you what to do whether you use it or whether you like just give the person aspirin if they're not quite like passed out. Aspirin.

Aspirin. Now there's a thing you've got talking two minutes of very different scales here. Yeah. Is aspirin or a defibrillator? Yeah.

Mm-hmm. It depends like, you know, if they have passed out, then obviously you're going to want to use it on them. But if they're still very much with it and they can just, like, take an aspirin, but, you know, you have to, like, just give them it with a very small amount of water.

They give you so many instructions, but they're really amazing things. Wow. Okay, amazing. I just rock a defib. Just a defib. Do you think, you know like how cops have tasers and every now and then you'll be like,

do you want to know what a taser feels like? And I'm sure that they have a little trial on themselves. I'd defibrillate myself. I don't think they work though. Would you want to drop your heart and then you'd need somebody else to do it again? Yeah. I'll do something else.

Mandy, have you seen this happen? Well, something similar. I was with a friend walking down Main Street to Needham and we just thought there was a homeless guy having a wee snooze. Didn't think anything of it. Next thing, there's this normal business dude just sprinting through the crowds with a defib and, yeah. And did they use it on him?

Did he come back to life? Oh, we kind of got out of the way. He did stay for the drama. Oh, I would stay. I'd film. Yeah, I don't know if I'd watch that. I don't know if I'd want to watch. I would love to.

I'd watch, but I'd check I wasn't standing in a puddle or anything. Because if he's in water and you're in the same water, are you going to get a little bit of the shock? A bit of a shock through the feet. A bit of the shock. I don't know. Mandy, thanks, of course. And your jandals.

Some messages in. I've used the defibrillator twice at the same place. Am I bad luck? Yes. Yeah, you're the curse. You're the common denominator there. Someone said, I just want to let you new guys know, hashtag show sponsor, if you ever need a defibrillator

and you don't know where the nearest one is, they have the middle of McDonald's restaurants. Oh, thank you, McDonald's. Do they? Delicious coffee, delicious defibrillators. How much does it cost to get a coffee there? Well, you can grab any size McCafe coffee for only $4 conditions.

Apply with defibrillators. Nice way to relax after you've watched someone be brought back to life by the McFribulator. That's what they call them. Grab the McFribulator. And someone's got, you go, grab the McFib. They're like, did someone say the McRib?

Back. Woo. And then they're like, no, no. Oh man, wasn't the McRib great? And everyone's like, let's just get this guy up

and then we'll talk about the McRib. Someone said, I tried to use one once, pressed the button and it said, it didn't meet the right conditions. It's amazing that it knows. No, but if you think it needs it and it's not going to do it for you, you'll feel like,

what do I do now? Yeah. Aspirin. A little bit of water. A little bit of aspirin. Staying alive. Staying alive. Or some NOS.

Or hand pumping. I've had to use the defibrillator at the rugby club. We had a referee go into cardiac arrest mid-game. I'm no paramedic, but I am a surf lifeguard, so I'd done the training to know how to use one. Oh, wow. Yeah. A ref. Who was running touch while that was happening? Also, nice way of saying you're a surf lifeguard. Okay, we get it.

You're hot. Yeah. We get it. You look good in red and yellow. No one else does, but you do. You've got washboard abs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get it. Your hair always has that freshly tousled beach look. Oh, salty look. You've got the red speedos. Yeah, we get it. You get to drive the bike up and down the beach real fast and look real cool.

We get it. Somebody wants to be a surf lifeguard, don't they? I don't have the build for a surf lifeguard. People would think I was the rubbish man. If I was drowning and you started running towards me, I'd be like, no, not him. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM.

Well, yesterday, wow, I experienced some sexism. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What did a woman do? No, so it was a man. A man? It was a man. A man? It was a man. A man? So, uh...

Men have a flawless record. I'll be... I've got to be a little bit vague with the details because I don't want to name and shame and mention here, but... Oh, dox them, bro, because they're out there addressing phone number. Friend of the show, Morgan, sexologist, training sexologist, now sexologist.

Training wheels are off. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's a two wheels only. I was dropping her car off. We got drunk and this is the Hummerzine weekend. You got drunk yesterday. Oh, God, yeah. The Hummerzine weekend.

Who could forget? The Hummerzine, man of the people, Hummerzine weekend. What, and you've had her car ever since? No, no, so this was, I was driving her car back. Well, no, she of course went straight out and bought her own Hummerzine. She loved it so much and she just left her old car. Through this Mazda Demio,

I'm getting a Hummerzine. So that weekend when I drove it back, it was the first time, I'd been in her car before, but it was the first time driving and I couldn't see out the back window properly, all the driver's, all the passenger's windows. Because the tints in her car had gone all like a bit, all the passenger's windows. Because the tints in her car had gone all like a bit... Bubbly.

Bubbly. Oh, yeah. Yeah, my dad had that. Every time you reverse you just cross your fingers and hope there's no kid behind you. Do you remember louver shades on the back windscreens of old Ford Falcons of the 90s? Yes! How did anybody back? I know! They were angled so you could see out. But I remember as a kid

turning around and being like, Dad, can you see where you're going? He's like, not really. I think that's why mum backed into the garage doors that were closed. Always. Because of the louvers on the back of the Commodore. But yeah, so anyhow, and I'm like, you've got to get this fixed. I'm surprised that you even got a warrant with this thing.

And so she messaged me yesterday. She's like, can you help? She weaponised her incompetence and asked me to help. And I said, you know what? I'll do it because I want you to see out of the car that you drive because it's pretty crazy. So I called a couple of places to get some quotes. So I called this one place and the guy's like $150.

To get them removed. To remove the back window and the two side windows. I think that's pretty good, right? Because they have to take up the sticky stuff. Yeah, and give it a clean.

And they pull it off and then, yeah, they look really clean. Something like that's good. See, in my mind, I'm like hair dryer. Yep. Eucalyptus oil.

Yep. Oh, yeah. Nice, nice. Scraper. 20 bucks. Probably scratch the window. Probably make irreversible damage. This is classic me, do it myself, have to get a professional to clear away work,

and it costs me more than it would have just to get the professional to do it in the first place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Called another place, and the guy's like, oh, I'll do it for $140. And I'm like, well, that's $10. What, did you tell this guy that $150 was the going rate? No, I didn't. I was just calling. And then so I called, so that was a good price.

Yeah, 140. And I'm like, that's fantastic. And so I called Morgan and I said, I think this is good. They'll come to your house. It's $140.

He can do it like tomorrow. Dreaming. Today even. You should just give him a ring. Here's his number. She rings him and she's like, how much to remove? Same windows. Here's his number. She rings him. And she's like, how much to remove?

Same windows. He's like, $250. And then says, but you'll have to come to me on the other side of Auckland. Oh, what? Wait, so he was going to come to you? Yeah. And did you just say the area that she lives? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She said exactly the same info. Small car. Like, I'm surprised he didn't figure out because she literally called like half an hour later after I did. Same suburb,

exactly the same car, exactly the same problem. Exactly. And so she was just like, oh my God, she just like hung up and that, and so I rang another couple of places

to end up finding a guy for 120. He did an amazing job. Oh my God, keep going. 110, 100. I know. Well, yeah. Oh, I wasn't paying. It did an amazing job. Oh, my God. Keep going. $110, $100. I know. Yeah. Oh, I wasn't paying attention. It's a Dutch option.

So when you teased, hey, guys, I've experienced sexism. The secondhand. Yeah, right. So you've more than experienced it. Secondhand sexism. So you, again, males have come out of this not only seeing through somebody else's eyes rather than first first hand experience Yeah

Interesting Are you feeling alright? Are you okay? I could not Can you believe that though? It's outrageous Like you hear about this like I don't know

If you need your car getting fixed I always I've got I've found a really good mechanic Yeah Shout out to RNS and QMU Great people I need a new local mechanic

Go and see Rob And take care Tell. I need a new local mechanic. Go and see Rob. He'll take care of you. Tell him I sent you. Don't you start telling people like with Dr. Wynn and then you become Rob's favourite. I don't want that. Oh, yeah. I will though.

I don't want that at all. I'm a people person. I'm a people person. You hear about that like, I don't know, if like women get quotes of tradies or mechanics and then the husband goes along with the same car and then he gets it cheaper. Even sometimes I just think it's how knowledgeable you appear. Mechanics and then the husband goes along with the same car and then he gets it cheaper. Oh, is this?

Even sometimes I just think it's how knowledgeable you appear. Like a guy told me when I got my granddad's Land Rover, he's like, when you take this to places, don't say, I don't really know much about it. Don't say that. Oh, yeah. Because they'll immediately be like, oh, yeah, now she's going to be inexpensive.

So what do you walk in and you're like, oh, yeah, God, it's good steering wheel. Why don't I talk like an old British farmer who would have, you know, oh, yeah, good to see you. Oh, yeah. We are. We are need me Land Rover fixed. Teed to each other.

We know everything about it, but I don't have the twain. I don't know if that makes you to sound weird. I've got too many paddocks that need to be plowed. Plowed. Plowed. Plowed and I need to plough me barley for the local mill. Boy.

He's like, $700 for that. Yeah, like, argh! Rumours have long been swirling that Kath and Kim, the iconic Australian sitcom, is having a reboot. I think for any show that people have loved for years and years and years, just one person will start a rumour. It's based on nothing.

Yeah. I mean, how long were the Friends rumours going around for? I know. And then they were like, we're doing it. Jokes. We're sitting on a couch and chatting. Yeah. We can take what we get.

I feel like most of these things are best left in the past. I know you want more, but just, it was perfect. It was done. It's a moment in time. Just leave it alone.

Because last year, is it Magda Subanski? Who's in the show. She plays Sharon. She said a reboot off the table. She said, I? Who's in the show. She plays Sharon. She said a reboot off the table. She said, I think it's off the table. It holds such a special place in people's memories. We shouldn't touch it.

I agree. Which is your rhetoric. I agree. But. My rhetoric, it makes me sound like. That's your opinion. You've got some toxic opinion on this. Yeah, you do.

Don't buy into his rhetoric. Yeah, no, don't buy into that rhetoric. Anyway, but then, so the rumours were swirl do. Don't buy into his rhetoric. Yeah, no, don't buy into that rhetoric. Anyway, but then, so the rumours were swirling, they've long been swirling, they didn't stop because people in the neighbourhood of the house,

of the family home. Because it wasn't a studio, right? No, it's like Outrageous Fortune, it's an actual house. Yeah, but they filmed in, all the inside scenes were in the house. All in this house.

Yeah. And then people were noticing that there's heaps of people coming in and out of the house and like being around the house. Like measuring up and stuff? Measuring up and people were like, this is crew. This is crew happening, you know, getting ready for the reboot. But then, listen to this.

It's the home almost every Aussie knows, despite never having set foot inside. You meant to buy the best house in the worst street, because then you can lord it over people. This Patterson Lakes property, the stage for Kath and Kim's most memorable moments. Look at me, look at me, look at me. But the piece of TV history has been torn down. Demolition began at the home today,

so the real owners can rebuild. Rebuilding a home that we're going to live in. We were hoping that it might just sort of go by quietly but it's amazing how these things get out. A brand new two-storey home is set to replace the day-night residence.

Yeah. Wow. A two-storey home, they're building a bloody block of town. Why do they need to? It's not, I mean it's dated, sure you look at the video, it's still dated Yeah. Wow. That new two-storey home, they're building a bloody block of town. What? They need to. They need to. It's not. I mean, it's dated. Sure. You look at the video clip, it's still dated.

It's developers, though. It's probably got a section out the back so you can put more houses on it. They're whipping up a kit set leaky home on the spot. Wow. Because they bought it for $1.5 million a few years ago. Yeah. And, yes, they all the time, like the people who had the outrageous fortune house, people are constantly like coming by, having photos with it.

So they're like, we're just going to build a new house. We love the area. We're going to build a new house. So then now people are saying, I don't think there is a reboot. The people that have been coming in and out of the house are these like demo people that are going, how do we get this house down? Because they were in the news footage. They're tearing down the bricks

and the roof, some of the roof was gone. Yeah. It's not a joke. It's gone. It's going. Then there's a new article today in New Zealand

saying that the reboot is said to be in pre-production already and an official announcement is expected later this month. So what's right? What's wrong? Is the house gone? Is that just the,

is that what got the rumours started? Or is there actually going to be a Kath and Kim reboot? Is the house getting ripped down part of it? A reboot indicates new characters playing, new people playing the old characters. Which is like Fresh Prince. Yeah. No, you couldn't.

Should we, because we've had friend of the show, friend of having been paying attention, Glenn Robbins on. Who is, Ken. Ken, yeah. Ken? No. Cal. Cal. Cal. Cal. Yeah Paying Attention, Glenn Robbins on. Who is... Ken. Ken, yeah. Ken? No.

Cal. Cal. Cal. He plays Cal. Should we text him and be like, what's that name? Do you have his number? I can get it. She'll delve into her email archives on the call sheet. Find the call sheet, find Glenn's number, give him a ring. I'll get to the bottom of this. What's going on?

I'll report from this straight from the horse's mouth. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. What? What's that little giggle for? I was just laughing because I really, I've got a good ear for harmonies and you're such a follower. I follow.

You really, you hook on. I can't. Are you saying I'm a leader? You're a leader? Thank you. I'm a harmonizer. You can't hear what anybody else is doing. You're a follower.

I'm a harmonizer. Let's get down with you and I'll come down here with you. I'm not taking critique from a follower. Anyway, it just made me giggle. It made me giggle a lot because when you were at home with COVID and you couldn't do it because of the slight delay on Zoom, it was just the two of us. It sounded really terrible because whatever I did,

you'd just follow me. I'm a mimic. Yeah. Anyway. How about you blaze your own trail for once in your life? Yeah, come on, sheeple. Fine. At the end when we sing, I'm going to do my own thing.

Do your own notes. I'm not going to follow anybody. What have you done? Today, I'm here for Fact of the Day to tell you about powdered corn cob. Okay. Powdered corn cob. I feel like corn cob this summer Has really come into its own With a lot of fried

You know You cut it into quarters And you What do you mean Come into its own Corn on a cob Has been a true hero Of summer cuisine

For years I feel like this summer It's really been an en vogue This summer Très en vogue And very sweet And delicious Chili oil

Chard on the barbie Paprika Pop the top open. Shove a whole lot of butt butts down there. Kewpie mayo. Yeah. Kewpie mayo, a bit of paprika. Yeah.

And then work it down like a tube of toothpaste and then on the grill so it cooks on its own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Far, far apart. Yeah, so after you've eaten all the delicious kernels of corn off that cob. Yeah. Did you know that cob makes a very effective rat poison? Oh, what? How come it doesn't poison us?

Well, it's because we're not eating the cob. Do you guys not eat your cobs? Would it? Oh, my God, wait, but in a stir fry, I eat the whole baby cob. But that's a baby corn. That's a baby corn. Baby cob, you'll be all right. I love those things.

Oh, I hate baby cobs. So if you... Yeah, gross. Why don't you like a baby cob? Oh, the little... I don't like them. In a baby corn. Baby cob, you're right. I love those things. Oh, I hate baby cobs. So if you... Yeah, gross. Why don't you like a baby cob? Oh, the little... I don't like them. And it's stir-fried. Texturally, they freak me out.

Because it... It looks a little like a tentacle. Yeah, it looks like octopus. Or some weird penis of the animal kingdom. Yes. Whose penis is this? Very reptilian looking penis. If your penis is looking like that,

you need to get it checked. No, what I'm saying is the animal kingdom. Right. You know. Because it kind of. Pointy on the end and wangly. Well, thanks for ruining baby cobs. Next time you have a stir fry, think of animal penises, please. I think it looks like a duck.

What did I mention? A duck's. A duck does. Why would a duck? Okay. Yeah. All right. So anyway, back to powdered corn cob.

So you eat all the corn kernels off and then the cob that's left is dried out and powdered. And what I have found at Corn Guard, which is the leading brand of powdered corn cob rat rodenticide, is they mix it with a little bit of glucose. That's the sweetness. That's what

attracts the rats. They eat this powdered corn cob. It is so dry that it absorbs all the moisture in their intestines, making it impossible for them to digest it, and they up and die. Oh, wow. Oh, God, imagine

dehydrating to death. Death by dehydration. Yeah. Like a raisin. The people that invented it, there's some statistics out of Israel. Each year, children, 63% of all poisonings were linked to eating rat poison. Oh, wow. And they've been left out.

Yeah. And thousands of dogs and cats had been reported by veterinarians as dying from eating rat poison. And secondary poisoning, where there are some poisons where if it kills the rat and then the dog eats the rat, the dog can get sick and or die. Not all poisons and you can get poisons

that stop with the initial situation. So this is completely harmless to everybody else. It could leave you with a bit of dry mouth and you'd have to drink a whole lot of water afterwards and you might take quite a hard poo. Humans could eat the dry... Okay, right. We could eat the little grains.

So after they mix it with the glucose, they press it into pellets, and it comes as pellets, and they leave it around, and the rats just gorge themselves on it. Can you buy this in New Zealand? Can you buy it in New Zealand? No, I can't see that you can buy it in New Zealand,

but the EU's given it the old big tick of approval. You could make it. If you had corn cobs. If you had corn cobs. After you've eaten your delicious Q-Pi chili oil drizzled sweet corn, you could save your cobs. If you've got a dehydrator, rock it in a dehydrator, then put it in a food processor, powder it down.

Add some sort of maybe honey or maple syrup or something as the glucose. As the binding agent, and then you can make your own. I mean, I'm not guaranteeing success. It sounds like a lot of hard work. It sounds like a lot of work, but I know some people are anti-poison. And I'm just pro-native bird. Yeah. I'm pro-native species and I know rats very much affect their ability to thrive again.

So today's fact of the day is a very effective rat poison is made from pounded corn cob. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Well, this poor woman has gone viral on TikTok. A woman in the United States spent US $300 on a haircut. I did want to play the audio, but there were like five F words. Yeah, we were quickly trying to get the beeps over them, but I was like, oh, there's another one, another one, another one, another one. Anyway, she's a young woman, but this haircut is like, well, she said.

I reckon we just play it and you have to like beep them. Oh no there's so many. And they're all F's. Do you want me to go to prison? For missing the beeps? You won't go to prison. You don't know the broadcasting standards authorities reach for. You'll go straight to jail. You go straight to prison. No parole.

Is that why people just like disappear off the radio one day? Yeah. They're in prison. They're in prison. They're in prison. They're in prison with... Murderers and such. Yeah. And other people who've used curse words. I was going to say Clark Gayford.

Clark Gayford's in there as well. No, he's on home detention. I heard that he's committed more drug crimes and now he's gone to prison. He's in Mount Eden prison. Now, last time we did this, someone did email me asking if that was true. What you might miss there is that was dripping in sarcasm.

That's the sort of lunatic conspiracy theories that run away when they go unchecked. Absolutely. Anyway, this woman is in the car, fresh from the haircut, and she is like hand over mouth, weeping and wailing at the camera. I just paid $300 to look like a Karen. I look like I'm on the PTA.

I swear I don't drive a minivan, she cries. I look like I have three sons who play T-ball. I look like I collect coupons. Oh, my God. And then she said, fine, let's practice. Let me speak to your manager. Oh, my God. Why does God hate me?

But what did she ask for? It's her fault, right? Well, this is what people said as a reference to Fleabag. I want to see the reference photo you gave the stylist. Because, you know, there's that moment in Fleabag where she's like, I look like a pencil. And they go and they see the reference image and she looks exactly like me. She looks exactly like you.

But people are chiming in saying, Karen, is that you? Laughing so hard they cry. And then people are sharing their own experiences. Girl, I've been there. I got eight inches cut off that wasn't planned and the hairstylist just kept cutting. I was in tears.

And it does. It costs you so much money. So much money. There's no fixing it. Yeah. Wait for it to grow out a bit. Yeah. So she took to it at home a little bit

and created one of those kind of trendy, like, Betty Davis fringes. Not Betty Davis. Betty, what's her name? Betty Boop. Flintstone. Flintstone. Yeah, Betty Boop, I guess.

Flintstone. Not Betty. Betty White. Betty White. Anyway, she's had a go at it herself it looks a little bit better she's made it a bit more shaggy I've had the only time I've cried

after a haircut oh no twice one was yeah I got a voucher like a grab one when I was a broke student and I went to a place that was like dodgy out the back of absolutely nowhere and same thing I was like I reckon just like a little bit like a short choppy thing and she gave me this like blunt like jawline bob.

And the other one was I did some hair modelling when I was a hot emo teenager. And I was like, you can do anything colour wise, but I just don't want it short. And she gave me a mohawk, which like looked like a sort of spiky short bit in the top, which looked amazing when it was styled for the night. But when I got home, it was just these short, broken bits

that sort of spiked up everywhere, and I cried. When I washed out her cool styling, I cried. All right, so we want to take your calls. 0800-DIALS-AT-M. Give us a call now and text 9696. When did the hairdresser get it so wrong? You cried. And a woman in the US has gone viral. Yeah,

she got a Karen haircut. She paid $300 for it and she was absolutely bawling. Not what she wanted, not what she expected, but it's what she got. So we asked you what were your disaster haircuts that made you cry? Katie's joined us. Good morning, Katie. Good morning, guys. How's it going?

Good. Okay, rumor has it, Katie, you've just ordered a coffee from show sponsor McCafe. Yes, absolutely. Give's it going? Rumour has it, Katie, you've just ordered a coffee from show sponsor McCafe. Yes, absolutely. Give us a little sip of that. What's your order? What's your order? Large foie mocha,

extra shot, extra hot. Yes! Good, yes. That's a fancy girl. They can accommodate any of your coffee orders for just $4. There we go.

And there you go. That's a freebie for the show sponsor. That wasn't even scheduled there. That's great. Delicious. Send that to them. Katie, tell us about

$4 any size as well, guys. Oh, that's what I was saying. What? Katie's getting every day, Katie. Katie's getting some information in there. I know.

It's good. That's why she went. Is she on the payroll? I don't know. Do you work for? We'll chuck her a 20. Should you be? Yeah, I reckon

we should probably send her a good portion of the sponsorship money from today's show. I don't know? Do you work for... Oh, we'll chuck her a 20. Should you be... Yeah, I reckon we should probably send her a good portion of the sponsorship money from today's show. I don't know. Absolutely. I think we should. Yeah, no, don't get too excited, Katie. We've got any of those vouchers left?

Let's pile, let's buy... No? Okay, shit, man. I'm really promising $4 and not getting anything from the producer's booth. What can we give her? A hamper? We got some chocolate sent to us this morning.

You want that? We've opened it. I'll finger it a little bit. I won't say no. Oh, there you go. Katie, tell us about your... Now you've created a problem for one of the producers who's going to have to mail that out.

Nobody knows where Stab's at. Now, Katie, tell us about your disaster haircut. Okay, so I'm going to take you back to about 2000, 2001. Please do. Oh, yeah, okay. Great time for haircuts. So I would have been about 10 or 11 and this was back when

frosted, frost blonde tits were just the jam. Yeah, of course it was. And, you know, home job, home job. Box died and my brother,

who's homosexual, so, you know, no surprises. I love that you've given it the full official title there, homosexual. Right. I mean, how did we not know?

How did we not know? The frosted tips is a dead giveaway. Anyway, so the mum was doing his tips, and I said, oh, well, I'm on in on this. And so all I got was the two front strands of my hair bleached. Yeah, I heard that. Mum's no good. She did the strip way too thick.

And, you know, the tinfoil went on, the tinfoil came off, and I was out of the mess. And my mum said to me, whatever you do, don't cut your hair. So what did I do? You cut off. All I heard was, cut your hair. So I got the scissors late at night and I just went chomp. And I had these two, you know, sticky uppy bits.

And then mum goes, what the hell have you done? So your disaster haircut was given. Yeah, so I'm the hairdresser. You're the hairdresser. It was me. Okay, well you've gotten no one else to blame. Oh, okay. It gets worse. So I we've got no one else to blame. Oh, okay. It gets worse.

So I'm bald with tears. I've got school tomorrow. And so in the middle of the night, I get up and, you know, I was pretty bright back then. I thought if I shave it off, it'll just look like it's a big forehead. No, you should have gone straight to your brother, who, if I recall correctly, is a homosexual. And he could have helped. He could have. No, you should have gone straight to your brother, who, if I recall correctly, is a homosexual,

and he could have helped. He could have, but no one told me, hey, we'll just go and get a brown box of dye, we'll sort you out, love. No one told me. Oh, no. So I think I even cut my forehead with a razor. Dad's razor. I want to say, Katie, you deserved it.

You deserved to be cut on the forehead. You heard a lesson. You never did it again. Yeah. And I had to wear a headband for like two years. Oh, how embarrassing. Wow, Katie. I think Katie's sick.

Thank you for sharing. Do you remember when kids in the 90s would get knits and their parents would shave their hair off? Yeah. That was such an easy... Have you tried brushing out a kid's hair when they've got knits? I have not. Shaving is the absolute best.

You wanted the kids. I didn't want the men. A woman in the US has gone viral. The haircut made her cry. Yeah, it was so bad. It looked like a helmet, like a Lego helmet on her head. She was very upset about it. We want to know from you this morning when a haircut's made you cry.

What about hairdressers? A couple of them have messaged in saying, what about clients making hairstylists cry after they change their mind during or after? Oh, yeah. Don't do that. I don't like it, actually. Yeah. Oh, no. What have you done? But that's on you for changing your mind, not the hairstylist.

They're not miracle workers. Absolutely. No, they're not. Some messages in Instagram replies. Michelle said, my dad took me for a trim. My hair was just about at my bum length and the lady cut it to above shoulder length. Oh. That's not a trim. No.

Sean says, when I was seven, my drunk nan cut a very uneven bob. My hair, when she started cutting, was down past my shoulders. Oh, wow. Don't let drunk nan on the snips. No. She'll take the top of an ear off. It was my first real person's haircut that was done not at home. I was 12 and I looked like a boy.

People confused me as a teenager. That wasn't so much fun. Husband went this weekend, asked for a four. The hairdresser shaved it down to a one in the middle of his head. All the hairdressers done there have seen the husband's balding situations perhaps worse than he's willing to acknowledge. And being the brave one to pull the trigger on a shorter comb. You won't look back.

You'll be shaving it down to the skin three times a week with a razor in the shower soon. And you're thinking, why didn't I do this sooner? Low maintenance. The right side of my hair sat above my shoulder. The left was below the collarbone. What? A wonky.

That's a real tilt, isn't it? Avant-garde. Kirsten, what happened? When did the haircut make you cry? Oh, God. It was a year ago, two weeks out from having my second baby. Fallen as anything, full of fluid. Walked into a hairdresser I'd never been to before and said,

I want a low-maintenance haircut. Like, the worst thing I could ever imagine. What a nut. Let's mark this one off the baby brain. That's not a style. No, no, it was a buzz cut, effectively. I felt the clippers going up the back of my head and I thought, oh my God, what have I done?

And I just walked out of there and I looked like, like a series of big round circles. Like, oh. Oh, no. Snowman. That feels high maintenance after that because you've got to constantly try to make it look better. And then you just burst into tears. Yeah, well, I got home and my husband did a double take

and sort of looked at me in shock and I spent literally 24 hours crying. When he looked at you, you were like, don't you look at me! I know. It's pretty sad because I can't even really look at the photos of my daughter, you know, having just given birth to her in the hospital.

Oh, because you look good! Stop it, I'm sure they're fine. You need to do that thing on Reddit where they're like, can somebody give me a hairstyle in this photo that I like? And then lots of people will take the pass, but then you'll get one or two good ones. What year was your daughter born? I'm trying to think of like, what was the hot haircut?

2006. Oh, so mince and cheese. Yeah, mince and cheese. Yeah, mince and cheese. Yeah, a long bob with the mince and cheese. Amazing. Kirsten, thanks for your call. Jodie, tell us about your haircut disaster.

Well, I moved to Auckland in 2007 and wanted to go and get false nails and a haircut and a hair colour for my new start in my new life. Yeah, Bright Lights, big city. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've always had very fine, thin hair. Never had enough hair to get my first haircut until I was seven years old. Thank you.

That's good as well. Yeah, I feel you. Still got the hair in an envelope. Oh, bless. And my hair, because it's so fine and blonde, takes to red dye and it holds on to every bit of red that's in the dye colour. So I said to the hairdresser that I hadn't met before, look, this is what happens.

I've had some bad experiences before. Please listen to me. And she thought she knew better. And lo and behold, I turned out to be ginger. Yeah. Jodie, this has happened to me. I have the exact same hair as you. Fine and thin and like not a lot of it.

Very wispy. Quite, like, a light brownie blonde. Mine's the same. If you dye my hair brown, it'll go ging. Yeah. And I also got false nails for the first time and then went to a recruitment agency and couldn't do the typing test.

We're talking to Emma Stone. We're talking to Bryce Dallas Howard. What sort of red did it go? It was like ginger Like I was a firecracker Oh wow We're talking ginger spice Jerry, how are you?

Five hours later They'd managed to turn it as They'd managed to turn it as sort of albany brown And it just wrecked my hair Like for what hair I had left The only thing you can do at that point Life Black

Yeah, life's not easy in the big smoke, is it, Jodie? No, it's hard. No, not at all. That's when I started wearing hats. It's all bloody fingernails and red in the head. Jodie, thanks for sharing. Vaughan, you've got some ass-a-masses on the ass-a-masses machine. Yeah, I went in for, in the late 90s, I asked for a soft body wave.

Oh, yeah. What for a soft body wave. Oh, yeah. What is a soft body wave? Anyway, they absolutely buggered it up and I was left with a very tight spiral perm. Oh, no. A couple of people said, asked if my haircut was inspired by a poodle. Oh, like ramen sperm. Not sperm. Ramen perm.

Ramen perm, yeah. Mum, dad and sister all got perms. And then a trim. Dad with a perm. I must say, was it family photo time? I must say a photo. I remember some people, some dudes, we had like family friends in the 80s,

like had mullets. And then they went from mullets to like a perm because the perm was supposed to be the classier mullet at the time. Right. And I just remember being like, holy crap, that looks terrible. And I was like, this is a wild world we live in. Get a perm. Dad and sister both ended up with permed mullets. We called them the pullet twins.

Oh, wow. That's good. Someone said, my son cried after a haircut when he was a teenager and he brought home the bag of hair and asked me to glue it back on. Oh, no. When I was training to be a hairdresser,

I accidentally took a massive chunk out of the back of their model's hair. Was meant to use the thinning shears instead of grabbing the normal scissors. Are they the ones with holes in them? Yes, you go like that and it just thins out. That's crinkled, eh?

Yeah. But my tutor managed to hide it and the client never found out 25 years ago and lucky I'm still hairdressing and I haven't had the same accident since.

Oh, you wouldn't make that mistake. No, you wouldn't. Wow. In the 90s when I was 10, mum had the hairdresser cut off my MacGyver's rat's tail. I cried about it

for a long time. And then we met MacGyver and it was really sad. Yeah. We couldn't do any tricks anymore. No. Any hand sanitiser in front of us. And that was pre-COVID? And that was pre-COVID.

Like, what are we, gross? It wasn't a subtle hand sanitiser either. He shook our hands, which he led to. He put the hand out, shook the hands, and then immediately. Yeah, and Will Arnett did the same thing. Will Arnett did that? Yeah. Hand sanitised right in front of us.

He's talked about being a germphobe, though. Yeah, on his podcast, yeah. Wow, did you guys go to the bathroom beforehand and not wash your hands? Always. Always? Yeah. Always.

What's in a colo between friends? Oh, yeah.